TigerBelly - Episode 6: Pictures On The Wall

Episode Date: October 7, 2015

Bobby fertilizes some foliage. Foreskin's job is on the line. Khalyla discusses the strife of Asian brown Fuck Ryan Seacrest.   Recorded September 29, 2015 Music by Bobby Lee   Instagram: @tigerbelly Twitter: @thetigerbelly  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Belly add free on Amazon music download the app today Hey guys, welcome to Tiger Belly. We are on our sixth episode. My name is Calyla and This is my co-host Bobby Lee and we are also here with our third man and engineer brown skin for skin aka Gilbert Welcome welcome everybody and thanks for tuning in My name is Bobby Lee and I have a lot of energy right now because it's one in the morning and I'm just super excited to do the show Um guys What a great life that we live Gross. No, it is. It's we have a really good life, you know, and it's like since when are you so chipper?

You're usually like the most depressed person on earth Well, the reason why is because about ten minutes ago I was on playing destiny with my brother and Eric Griffin and I just got a lot of drops and I'm very excited What are drops? Well, when you're playing the game you when you kill an enemy's enemy. We're playing destiny. Yeah, man People don't know. I know I'm telling you right now destiny. Okay, that's all he plays That's all I play and then when you kill an alien whatever they drop like an angram and then you can get it anyway It's exciting when you get it. So I'm very excited about that and also I'm just uh, I'm going, you know

I'm going on the road soon, and I'm very excited about everything. Oh And another thing is is that they they have a huge billboard of the awesomes and they finally for the first time put my name on the poster Oh, did they not they didn't mix you out all the previous season? I okay I'm on this animated show called the awesomes with Seth Meyers and Ike Baron holds and a bunch of people Which I love Seth and it's the like the funnest job because I've done animated before I've done it with like I've done a couple of family guys and a couple of other things and um, they're usually not fun, you know But with this specific one, it's a lot of fun and I've been doing it for years, but um

Really people didn't even really know about it until recently, but now people are saying hey We I like you on the awesome. So it's kind of exciting too. I watched the first season. I love it. Yeah, great show It's super cute. It's cute and then um, yeah, I mean like a bunch of reject superheroes that get together and Super cute super cute concept. Yeah, and then Today oh god, can you just wait? Can you not talk? I mean Peter? I don't care. I'm excited about life Today, I went and met I okay, so it's like one the one o'clock in the afternoon, right? I'm sleeping That's like to regular people four o'clock in the morning. That's like yeah waking up at four in the morning for them

It's painful for him painful for me It's one and she goes a by the way You have to be a coffee shop To meet somebody because that's exactly how I talk it is I go What? She go you got them You know because our Filipino bullshit, you know, man

And I stood up and I go tell me what the fuck you're talking about Lady because I can't understand you But I go and then she I had to meet some guys that I didn't Apparently I didn't another animated show, right? What was that called Chow Fun called Chow Fun? I don't remember You know, so I told him I was like hey, dude, you have a Reddit AMA at one o'clock I don't remember it and then on secondly, right? It's with John Lovett and Margaret Cho still I don't remember. Okay, but then when I showed up

It's one of the guys that writes for the Simpsons, right? And then once I saw his cute little face, I go now it brings everything back for me. I don't recall Names I don't recall, you know me and even events in my life But faces if I see your face like let's say a Gilbert. I don't see your ugly fat brown face for a long time Okay, right. Yep, and what's that island with all the statues in it Easter Island Easter Island, right? If I went to Easter Island, I go. Oh my god There's 50 of Gilbert and then once I see that face it will recall memories with you Okay, that's something I want to talk about speaking of fat faces. Do you know that Gilbert used to be obese?

Fuck no, really? Yeah, Gilbert. I want to you have to show him a picture. I used to weigh 230 pounds Can I see a photo to be real a year and a half? Are you being real? Yeah, 230 that explains everything with you and women No, yes, it explains the now my world has opened up to you And now I have sympathy because let me tell you something with your trouble with what troubles with women I really thought either. You know, he's acting like he's a fat dude Because he's a good-looking dude, you know, you are a fat dude, but do you know what I call that? There's a term for that. It's called having a chocolate chip on your shoulder Because I dated a guy for five years who used to was a previous fat boy

Yeah, and there was he had he always had that fat boy Hang-ups not saying that you have hang-ups. I've made some changes. You have stretch marks Oh Wasn't a sound effect that was Bobby Lee how so how did you lose the weight? How did you lose the bulk of it? No, let me see a photo first because I I'm pulling it up right now. Just tell us how you lost the weight gilbo bad the ketogenic diet So it's a high fat no car. No carbs and moderate protein. So I just eat bacon and avocados and oil all the time. Oh My show them God this

Yeah, that's you. Yeah, you literally look like the kid from up Russell yeah, you're the kid from up. Let me tell you something right now, dude How tall are you five nine? And so you were 230 pounds 235 230 pounds five nine and how much do you weigh not 165 Let me take all those I've slammed you listen I always thought you were like a good-looking kid and now just listen that you had like privileges You're good-looking privileges, you know, I mean and I made fun of you to tear you down, okay? Emotionally and spiritually. Let me look at this photo. Oh My you don't look bad though. I held it pretty good. I held it pretty good

You look okay there. All right, but let me tell you something dude. I take all that back I'm not gonna say that you look like a tiki statue, but it's true. It is true, but let's not talk about it Okay, I'm not gonna say anything negative about your face or anything All right, because what you did is a miracle and that's why you can't get pussy still. No, you know The reason why I did that what you get pussy, okay, and I did after you did because I changed my mentality There's just some girls, but you do but you do the fat dude things. I have tendencies I'm not gonna like put it in the friend zone and stuff like that the girls ask if you're gay all the time I can I yeah, you are there is something sexually ambiguous about you

I don't find it unattractive because I already said that I would fuck gay guys Anyways in the last episode. Yeah, but there is something sexually ambiguous about you that I don't know I think that I'm being completely honest with you. I think that you know, no, you're the Filipino moracy. Move on There is something that girls will auto feel like there's a comfort about you even for me like when I first met you I was like, oh, yeah, I would I there's I would automatically put you in friends on because you are so comfortable To be around my whole life up until but there is some an energy about him where it's just like you don't feel threatened I swore to God the first time I met him was during the fight, right? That's the first time I saw you Yeah, during the man. Yeah, I met you one. I don't remember. I don't remember. Yeah, I don't remember it

You he doesn't remember. I don't remember anything to shake my head. That's what he does with everyone I do with that with everybody. Okay, cuz I don't give a shit. Melissa. Okay, you came over to my house, right? Yeah, and I go who the fuck is this gay dude in my house? No, you didn't think I really did. No, I think you were gay. I go, is that I'm fine with it. I was wearing a tight shirt. No, I'm totally fine with it Right, but I literally went on Jenna has a cute little Filipino gay friend You know, I mean now that I know that you're just a fat dude who got lost a lot of weight You just seem because you you're so intimidated by the the badge. I was bubbly before right

This explains a lot man and congratulations, dude, but dude. Have you seen Gilbert's MMA skills and his nunchuck skills? Yeah, I saw his nunchuck. His karate skills. Yeah His high kicks doesn't threaten me man. His knowledge of MMA is far more vast than mine. That's what girls want They're so wet from them. You put me in a rage, dude I'll destroy you but you're sort of an anomaly in that sense though because you do give off a very like sexually ambiguous Energy about you, but you know so much about dude sports Like you know a lot about football and combat sports like way more than me. Yeah, so it's really impressive You're the only person that I can talk to other than my buddy Matt in Vegas that really really like knows their shit about MMA

Yeah, you look great. Good. Look great. Congrats. And you know what? You're the og tiger fired You're out of here Tiki you're out. He has a tiger belly stretch marks on his belly. You're the og Those are real dude. That's amazing. All right, that's enough That's enough Gilbert. That's enough. Put your belly. That's weird. Now. It's weird. Yes. You have access skin access skin Yeah, he does now when now when you when when a girl sees your body, right? You take your shirt off. Do you explain to them like this is because I was fat? No, oh, no I'd like I do the way she described when you went to the room in the court That's the kind of stuff I do Amber how I said I like that you exude so much confidence that you would walk to the corner of the room

And just do like a naked air guitar I like to face the girl and excited. I have a lot of craters in my butt I just keep tying it in their face and they make them feel comfortable in bed. I don't know Gilbert I got to work you you do air naked air guitar. Yeah, but I'm very good. His dick around Yeah, my dick is away. I don't know if like exposing your cellulite and like in my tightening your butt She likes to play with it. They like like Let me ask you this so when you were fat, right? It was not getting late. No at all

No, I what I had how old were you when you lost your virginity? Yeah, 19. It was a soft freshman year of college What happened? We just had sex no tell me to lead it up a fat other fat girl She was bigger than you and she was a white girl from South Carolina. She was fat. Yeah. Wow. You'd like it How does that? No, I Know how does it feel when like your belly? I'm just I'm curious. I'm do I I've never been with a super super large guy I want to know. I mean for me. It's fun to have I love his belly Yeah, I absolutely love his belly. It's my favorite thing to hold but I want to know what like

Like super fat sex. I'm not thinking about the fat. I'm more worried about like at that time. It's like, oh my god I'm a virgin. Here we go. Let's do this and my penis is extra small because of the fat Oh, they're just a ratio that fat plus the force can already covers most of the shaft. Oh my god. Plus I'm an Asian. So we're dealing with a very tiny. Bullshit. No, no way. No, you're not stop saying that about Asian people Yeah, here's another thing. Okay. I have a small penis I don't know Gilbert listen to me if you're Asian out there if you're Asian out there It's hard average if you're Asian out there. You can no longer Accept that stereotype

Okay, because the thing is is that for me growing up in high school The reason why didn't get girls not because of my physical stature or who I was, you know, yeah It's just that you know what hegemonic means. No It's basically what a society puts forward of what's good-looking. Hey pause. Do you have a piece of pit? I don't give a fuck because it's radio. Okay, no one can see it quick clean up. Thank you so much, right? So it's basically society says this is what's good-looking Brad Pitt, right? Yeah, and then they say this is what's not, right? So they like growing up we had long took dong from 16 candles in the 80s, right? He was what people thought Asians were right just this joke meek, you know, I mean, you know accent

You know, it's just disgusting. Yeah, right. I like beauty not beauty. Wong. I like get one getty one and abbey Okay, the actor is I like who is he? He's an actor. He played got long took down. Oh, okay. Yeah His name is a getty one and abbey, you know, he's I mean He's a forefather in terms of Asian actors, you know, and he wasn't the only thing he's done He was in booty call. He's done a lot of things. Okay, but my point is is that that was not good, right? Betrayal for us, you know, that's the way you want to see I got like Steven Youn or I see somebody like Daniel They came or like these good-looking Asian dudes that like Steven Youn is fucking that white chick in The Walking Dead

Yeah, oh wait, have we talked about this? We're coming. Do you know that? I was listening to the radio and don't get me started, baby So this is a maybe like two years ago. Don't get me started baby Maggie's character on The Walking Dead the white chick and Steven Youn, you know, we're starting to like yeah hook up or get together or whatever and Ryan Seacrest had that actress Maggie. I don't know her name, but she's like Lauren Cohen, right her had her on His morning show and then he sets him thing along the lines of huh Like do you think it's you know weird that you have that, you know

That your boyfriend on the show is Asian because you know that wouldn't really happen in like real life And she's like wait what like why why wouldn't that happen in real life? He doesn't explain after that because he realizes right and so he believes that point of view But then like the people around him are like wait what co-host I think Ellen was sort of like Yeah, like what are you saying? Yeah, what are you saying? He's like any backtrack? He backpedaled. He was like, oh, no No, no, no, that's not what I meant that fucking talentless Fuck Ryan Seacrest. He's a robot is you're just a corporate chill, right?

And you are coca-cola and you should not you don't have an opinion because your opinion is Garbage have you see because you are a corporate chill. Have you seen Steven Ewan in person? Oh, I actually introduced Sarah to him at a party. Yeah, he is Porcelain skin. Yeah, we've I mean, yeah, we've see yeah, we've I melt around him He is an absolutely Kid but he's also very gorgeous and he's a great actor. I love that show right and What the fuck are you talking about you white piece of shit Ryan Seacrest and I'm telling you right now I don't even know really what like the Kardashians. I don't know what he does

He's just a person. I know like people go. We love the Kardashians. I name you their talent. Well, they're personalities That's not a talent because that's what everyone has Okay, so that's what Ryan Seacrest is and I'm gonna fuck if he listens or he somebody tells him that Because what he said there, I have not only is Kalilah beautiful But I have to admit right being a fat midget, you know me and Asian dude, I've slept with a lot of prostitutes, but I've also slept with a lot of a lot of a lot of launching pads Go a lot of beautiful women. He has and this is the misconception about him. It's like they seem people white women white women Okay, all day dog

Hispanic women there. They were all the the misconception about Bobby is that I'm the first You know hot chick that he's ever dated and it's like no, he's he's always dated hot chicks It's hotter than me probably. No You're the pinnacle of it, babe, but my point is a pinnacle. Wow, you're the mountain top. Oh the mountain top Yeah, you make me you're the precipice. Oh the precipice. I don't know what that is. Yeah edge. Oh edge the edge, okay? And um, but my point is is this is that and I know other Asian guys that slam heat, you know What is that mean slam heat? I'll tell you, right? It's an old tour to the term term. Let me say something right now David Cho has slammed a lot of beautiful women. Okay

David Chang the cook mm-hmm the chef momofuku momofuku Slammed a lot, right? I'm using the slam and don't take it to rock or a very bro. Yeah, it's very bro. We very bro It's very bro. Don't like it. I just said, right? I Fingerblasted a lot of fucking you know, I mean nines. Okay, so he basically gave a lot of women jock itch Yeah, foot fungus by my point is this all right Ryan Seacrest You know the fuck you're talking about and that's the end of that because let me say something Okay, it made me rageful when I heard that. Yeah, because you know my growing up, right? I had a hard time meeting just people in general

Okay, and it's because of this idea. No because of this because back then you did not see anybody that looked like me on TV or film the only people were karate dudes and I don't know karate I don't know anybody that does at the time, you know, so it's like I don't know karate and Plus it's like 99.9% of movies with Asians in it, right? We're kung fu movies. Yeah, right? Yeah It's like saying it's like white people if you're listening. Let's suppose every movie you saw was of you doing Batman You'd be like wait, I don't know anybody that knows Batman. I'm I supposed to know Batman, you know

But that's what karate movies are with Asians We were lawyers doctors all kinds of things But if the only movies that you put out in the 80s 70s 60s 70s 80s of us doing karate When you don't know karate and you don't know anything about that useless you feel useless You know you don't live up to their expectation of their expectation of you. That's that's similar to You think that it's bad in America. I have such a huge gripe And it it literally makes me ill when I go back to the Philippines and I see what's on their TV there And what's on their fucking cosmetic shelves there?

everybody just Wants a light-skinned Philippine. Well, that's what I want to That's the purest kind Everywhere you go lightening lotion this lightening lotion that and it's it drives me crazy and everything in the Philippine They just punch out and they fabricate hordes and hordes of pretty girls that can't act with Seriously, zero fucking talent, but it's all about the fabrication and aesthetics of it It's never about Korean Koreans the only music coming out of that country is this bullshit pop Watered down like, you know Pepsi commercial music, right? There is never there's no punk rock there

There's no something like I'm I'm a huge Fugazi fan. I love the velvet underground and the clash and just anything that's like kind of, you know That style of music, you know, and it's like you look at Korea They just put out like the Wonder Girls and mass production rain and these kinds of bands which it's there You know in the world is you know, it's a big place and that's that that fits somewhere, you know I mean, but it's not all of they use all of it. Tell the story about your friend Henry How that's this is a perfect example of fabrication not I'm not saying because he the kid Kids talented and he I did a movie called final recipe and that was a shot in Thailand And the reason why did the movie was because Michelle Yao from Crouching Tag the Dragon awesome with the star

So I was like, yeah, I'll do it and Chin Han was in it. He's in the Dark Knight. Do you remember him? Is this a drama? Yeah. Oh, wow. The Dark Knight. Yeah, you know that Chinese guy that Batman goes and gets. Yeah, right? That's his name. Okay So I did this movie and I spent two months in Thailand and the the second star of it was a guy named Henry Lau kid And he was in a huge pop band um, and I Knew that I didn't really know much about it. It's just that I would go to his Hotel because my hotel was shitty, you know, it was okay. Yeah, but he lived

He would had a beautiful hotel down the street and I'd go out to hang out with them Whatever an off off days and there would be hundreds of women sleeping in tents Outside his hotel just to even see him and then I would go past these women and they would give me gifts like pears and Like and cakes and they go you you know, Henry, please you're here friend You eat this too. Like they treated me like I was and I'm like bitch. I'm fucking Bobby Lee Don't get me. You know, I mean, you know, I mean, you know, I mean, you know, I mean like you're like, you know side cakes You know scraps scraps. Yeah garbage garbage trash, but I accepted it because I'm in a different country and

And I listened to the music and it's pop, right? That's fine. He can sing. He can dance. He's a cute kid He really is a very cute kid. He looks like a doll. He's a vampire. He looks like a little doll But you know how we do that discovered how he's Canadian He met his friends after school Probably freshman eighth grade freshman We're in a mall and a woman was a Korean woman walked up to him and says Do you speak Korean? And he goes a little And she said can you sing he goes a little?

Can you dance? I'm not really what your can I talk to your parents and They basically said listen we want to fly him to Korea audition for this boy band and They said okay, he goes he's sick and sing kind of dance kind of and they go he's gonna live here He's gonna be a big pop star and But he has to live here and so he left to school in Canada and became a huge star in Asia So I mean thankfully he's a talented kid, but that's a perfect example of fabricating. I love you and you're a nice kid and You know, I'm not saying anything negative. All right, because people get fucking sensitive. I love you, bro

But I don't know a huge fan of the music, but I think you already know that okay But I like you as a person and he can act the kid can act and that's all I have to say about Henry Lau But my point is is that it really opened my eyes to what Koreans like Yeah, it's like I always tell garbage garbage. I tell foreskin It's like look dude never go back to the Philippines You will never make it there because foreskin is a great actor. He's funny. He can dance. He can sing right? It's like look you have dark skin. You will seriously never make it there. Yeah, maybe two out of the thousand Movie stars back home are maybe fairly dark skin, but it's like even growing up. I'm I'm only half right

I'm considered Mestisa my sister, but my sister is Um, fairly like it's she's dark. Yeah, she's yeah, every time we go home. It's like all those two girls You know, they could have been artistas. They could have been movie stars, but then they're really dark It it it makes me want to fucking vomit and it's the same idea that it's just like they just want to mass produce Pretty people to appear on TV and dance in like these fucking like variety shows and they they they transfer over into film and these They we follow the Filipinos follow and they get fucking maniacal about these love teams and these shitty fucking television There's no real talent and you know why there's no real talent. They're not tapping the good source They're not tapping the whole gamut of Filipinos. They're not tapping into into kids that can actually act

They're if that if a kid can act but doesn't look good forget it. Hmm. It's bullshit Yeah, and it just angers me that somebody like for skin could never go home and say hey You know what there's a future for me and then it doesn't matter because for skin is a real you came through second city Which is a it's a an iconic iconic establishment, right? It's a real It's a real foundation of real talent and I come from stand-up the comedy store and I believe that because I looks kind of odd and a little weird and not really what Koreans would put in their movies that and for me to make it in this in Hollywood Not that I've made it, but like I've worked and I've been able to carve out a really good career for myself

I think it's it's a testament to me and let me say something right now It's the same thing as when I go to Parks barbecue in Vermont Okay, now listen very good David Cho and I go there all the time. I've been going there for years, okay? We go there at least twice twice a week parks fine. It's the Filipino barbara. No, it's parks Korean barbecues on Vermont. It's on Vermont, Vermont, and they have a wall of fame Okay, when you walk it you're on it. No Hell no hell. No, they'll never put me on it. I'm their number one customer, right? They know you are I'm big. Yeah. Oh, they do and I'm bigger than half the people that are on there, right?

They have Jessica Alba. Yeah. No, no those are huge ones, but they have Korean pop stars 50 of them not even that they have 50 of them that are like just a guy that like maybe played golf for a year Bro, you know I mean or you know I mean guys that like and I'm not even talking for myself They would never put David Cho on The reason why is him and I are in the same area of like renegades renegades and we're dirty and we don't say You know, I mean we say things that are like offbeat, you know, I mean They're not your typical idea of Koreans. Yeah, what supposed like Koreans are supposed to be which is bullshit Because I feel like they are the real Koreans

Even when I look at my best friend, Jessica, she's a fucking real Korean. Yeah. Yeah, you know, she she She does what she wants. She she goes and gets an 18 year old boyfriend from Mexico that can't cross the border and she She holds it down For two years with that guy. Yeah, you know what I mean? And then the guy she dated after that was a guy who was half black half Mexican and it disappointed her parents to no end But she continued their relationship. She's like fuck it and and You know, it's a pity that Bobby will never be on the wall of fame at Parks Park

Listen, I don't get bummed about it. I just I giggle every time I mention it. No, he gets bummed because when we go He memorizes every single face on the wall and he's like, who's this guy now, who's this guy? No, that's not the thing. It's old. The thing is is also it's fine I'm fine with it, right? What perturbs me though is is that if it because there are Mel Gibson's on it and Keanu Reeves Yeah, that's a high level you get it, right? If it was just that I'd like I get it I'm nowhere near that. You know, I mean iconic. You I mean, but I've worked right more than some of the people that are on there But they would never put me on there Right and they don't they probably eat there once

You know, I go on their date as soon as I walk in they come and grab me. I don't have to say anything They get me a table. They're super sweet to us. It's great food. They just would never put me on the wall That's fine Maybe you haven't should what if you just brought it up? They'd probably put you on I don't want to do that No, I know if I'm at a point now brother Steve. Oh every time we walk in there together as a trio Why aren't you on this one? He always says it loud enough. Oh, he does a bit. Okay Yeah, he every time he does it Yeah, he says it loud enough so he hopes at least like three people hear him. Yeah, it's a stupid thing

It's but what is it? It's stupid. All right, but It kind of irritates me because of the fact that like I eat there so much and also it's like they'll double up on Ken What's a knobby so they'll have two pictures of They'll have like three pictures of Um, what's his name the guy from walking dead was Steven. Yes, even you and you have three pictures of him But like zero of Dave and Bobby. Yeah They'll hey, yeah, they have a lot of wall space. They have away. They have a lot of wall space. Listen I you know, I'm not I'm not gonna say that I'm nor near any of these people. Okay, but I'm gonna say that I spent

Eight years on an American sketch comedy show that was on network television. All right No other Asian guy has ever done that All right, Steven was on what in living color for a year and a half I love Steve and that's Steve Park Steven Park I mean park Steven Park was on the living color for a year and a half. I love him right people don't remember I understand that I know but so when I left Matt TV after eight years I thought you know what even if I don't work as much anymore or whatever You know, I mean, I know that I did at least for my people something that's

You know new and I opened the envelope a little bit, right? But parks, they don't fucking recognize that You know me, but I'm still gonna go there cuz the food's so fucking good We don't do all you can you know why all I can because this bitch almost killed me with all you can eat We went one time You can eat thing in like six. I think it's called hate John or something like I shot Yeah, the 1999 dog with the pig in the front. Yeah, except Bobby Almost died of diarrhea. No, I said I told her I'm not gonna eat there. So you don't know you don't get it

You know means, you know people come here because it's good and quality or whatever. I was wrong. So I go, okay I ate it right the whole time I stomach Right mom like yeah like that and I'm like that's probably cuz I was hungry and I'm putting food in and then all of a sudden You know, I did like my butthole burped Yeah, you know, I mean, I'm like that's probably because you know and then we're in the car And I literally look like I'm gonna shit my pants right now Well, we stop by 7-Eleven first. This is how genius she is this fucking girl who says she's a nurse and she knows shit Okay, we go into 7-Eleven. I go I have to take a shit right now

She said can you wait five minutes? I go when I say I have to take a shit right now That means at this exact wait hold up. We were only three minutes from home, right? When I say I have to take a shit right now at three minutes just hang tight here eat a banana It'll sweetie sweetie. Look at me right now. Yeah, if I said right now I have to take a shit right now. It doesn't mean five seconds from now. It means right now. Oh, he meant it Yeah, so what I'm saying is is that she goes, you know, it's just genius girl. She's he goes eat a banana And I go oh, she's a nurse She knows as soon as I ate it as soon as I put one little piece of banana in my body

The fucking poop came out like the same amount of you know, man. Yeah, it almost it pushed it out Right. It was like replacing. Yeah. It was like a replacing. You know, man And so I go I gotta take a shit right now. She goes. I don't know what to do I got in the car. I literally go go right around the corner. I fucking park in the middle of street I run to somebody's house. You know, I mean, I just shit on their wall of the house. No Someone's gardenia. It was one of those little like brush plants I'm sorry. That's sprouted up and he didn't even take his pants off all the way It he started pushing and he just like splattered all over

She rules on the way she goes Oh and cause attention. She calls attention to it Oh, you know why also because it I didn't I didn't think the shooting was disgusting is that he just pulled his pants straight back up Oh, I'm sorry. There's no shit running down. Oh, I'm sorry. I gotta go home this 9-1-1 situation dog That's three minute ride home was all right the worst ride home of my life All right, you know, I mean, I mean, it's like that was your fault and you won't admit it Look, that's why we don't do you know you can eat you the difference I mean, obviously like Bobby can afford it and you're right

I do it anyway before I met him. I always ate and all you can eat I'm Korean barbecue spots because that's all I could afford. Yeah, so I had to be a little bit more economical Not this guy, but the best one the one that I like is Road to Seoul Mm-hmm road to Seoul is really good, but there is a significant difference. I'm gonna go to parks. I'm gonna save money Well, no, you don't have to save money. I will fucking take you to parks next time you're gonna do this After the thing will go early on a Monday, right? And we will go to parks and I will treat okay Yeah, and you can take a little look at the wall. It's your congratulations that you lost all that way and

I feel very proud of you. Can I bring Sarah? No Bitch, I tell you to this right now fuckface. Okay, so you could meet her. What's her name? Sarah. She's half Korean That's the one. Yeah, okay If she wants what if she wants to go to Korean barbecue you're in two weeks that I'm going on the road All right, we'll do it. She's not gonna fuck you Gilbo bag in I'm not trying just wanted to meet the guy They called her a seven. Yeah. Yeah, I think you'll think differently. Yeah. Yeah, I want to meet her What does she hate me right now? I don't know. Do you have you talked to her about it? Hey, did you talk to her for the last one time? No

Well, then you're not gonna come out. She's done. She's dead She's dead to you. No, you're dead to her. We don't know that yet. Okay Well, I love your fucking presser parents. Yeah, but you're very you know, I had girls say no to me many times And I still end up sleeping with them and these are nines That's not a good message to send. No is no Gilbo. No is no, but if you wink and you have a nice smile It's a yes. Yeah, I've had that a couple times. See Yeah, I've had it like pity. Yeah, I got charitable mind my pity. It's my seduction. It was this girl I'm not gonna name her name is seduction. She's a friend of mine. She's a friend of mine. She's really cool

She's not attracted to me at all. I knew it, right, but I for every day for like a year I said to give me a blowjob and one night she got drunk and she did But she could you could tell that she didn't wasn't into it. Oh, that's sad Yeah, I know and that was the last time I did that but if you ask enough and they like you You'll find them in a moment and then boom. So that works. That's what's about about the moment. Yeah Oh Bobby, I don't like that story. Why because you're in a a and you waited for her to get like shit-faced to blow you Yeah, but I didn't say it was I in a then I didn't say I wasn't okay. I was drinking. Oh, you were yeah I was doing the Dublin days. Yeah. Oh, yeah, so you happy now

No, no, no, you did your Romulan eyes. I'm sorry. She's Romulan. This is my Romulan eyes. Oh, yeah My frown like this. I don't like that. Stop that. Yeah, it's not I'm not angry. I'm perplexed. This is a look of being perplexed It's not angry, baby. I mean, I'm not gonna bring it up, but you've done some sexual things too, right? That's a little suspect and so I'm just gonna move on from that in my life to you No, just in general right and the thing the reason why him. Yeah, he thinks it's weird that like I eat his butt. Yeah But my point is he's done thing. I can't you what? Excuse me, but eating man. What you like that? I like it done to me. Yeah, will you do it to her? No, okay ever ever I've only done it to him. Yeah, I don't think it grows ever. I grew girls try to finger me in the bottom

What's wrong with you? What's wrong with you guys? My butt. It's my poo comes out. It's for Bobby She's gonna be down. God. No sense of adventure That's not what it has nothing to do with the poop. I like in fact power. It's him for its power I like the poop because that gives me power. So you're okay. Well, why wouldn't you just because it just doesn't it's like there's no Like my penis. There's like a you know, I mean a sensitive area where there's feels pleasure girls for pleasure Listen to me my butthole when when it's being whatever Just listen. It doesn't it just feels like oh Oh, there's a sponge there like it doesn't there's no arousal for me. It's desensitized because he's you've never taken it up the

butt before right No Well, I mean, I don't even know what you mean by that you've never been penetrated in the butt like by myself Any no, no, no, I I put it finger up you. That's not the question. Oh, then I'm just saying by a man Nope not even from did you have to think about it? No, I was thinking about if it counted and I said no, I don't think why even if it's just the tip it counted Bobby No, there's no tip Fingers did he see you have fingered by dude?

Tell me did it guy fuck you Bobby? No, it's back to but back in the day and I'm not gonna talk about it when I was a kid. Oh, yeah, that's if you're a baby I don't I don't want to picture a little boy. I haven't done anything sexual with a man or boy Since I was 16 15 So now this is always a topic we end up talking about yeah, I don't want to talk about it man Let's move on. Can I ask you a question? Yeah, go ahead. I heard about you another podcast recently from Steve Byrne Someone asked them. What was your favorite moment from the Kim's a comedy and he said there was this time at the veterinary end of the tour We're fucking Kenji young and Bobby Lee got into this huge fight, but he never told the story

That's all I said. I mean it was because you guys are like the two nicest Asians. No, it was the most brutal fight One could ever be it literally if I looked at my life, right as chapters That would be like the end of a chapter Like it was us. Yeah, it was crazy. By the way, Kenji on from the hangover. Yeah. Yeah, and it was something I can't get into it because it has to do with sickness. I'm just gonna tell you what involved it involves I loved ones sickness betrayal

Finance, right? personal, you know, I mean some other personal things mixed in but I have to say that those issues are resolved That thing that happened one night in San Francisco Where because Steve had to break it up. It was gnarly. Was it a fist fight? It was almost a fist fight. Yeah Oh almost a fist fight. I mean there was pushing and like grabbing necks and like, you know, I mean That's so crazy. It was crazy. He seems like the nicest guy on Yes, I mean, you know, listen all human beings have, you know, have their good sides and bad sides That's all I have to say and Ken is a very nice person. He's extremely talented

And you know, if I when I die one day and if I look back at my relationship with Ken It'll be a very positive one But like in all relationships, especially you mean when it's tied into this business, right? Things can go wrong and Steve, you know, was in the middle of this gigantic war between Ken and I that happened one day and we didn't talk for years after that, you know and But now we're all good, you know, so, you know, I've been in the wars with a lot of people I was in a war with our Shafir people know that I was in a war with That's okay. Here's my

That was on TV as well. Look at my Romulan face again. This because I'm still perplexed by that Yeah, I'm still to this day and I I've met Ari. He's he's he's a he's a he's nice guy I love him. Yeah, you love him, but it doesn't it still boggles my mind to this day that he would just That's fucking soccer punch you every chance he got that's some pussy ass bullshits I know but the thing is is that I've come from the old school when it comes to comedy Okay, and what I mean by that is is that I think I've mentioned in the podcast. There's no crying in comedy, right? There's no snitching in comedy. There's no rats in comedy. It's a wild wild west. Yeah, it's just it we live by this Funeral rule of like old school like the mafia, I guess, you know, but it's like what am I gonna do?

What's the option? He punches me in the face. I fall down. Okay, nothing's broken. I'm bleeding sure, okay? But do I ban him from the club for a year that affects his pocketbook and affects his relationship with his age? I like a lot of things, right? So you put that into a equation, you know He's friends with all my other friends, you know, I mean, they're like, please like Renna Zizzi was the guy Please don't call the cops because if you call the cops, he's gonna go to prison for the weekend Renna Zizzi told me that Steve Renna Zizzi and I go um, all right. I won't you know, so it's like You know in all my wars there are reasons behind it and you know, but when he talks about it, he talks about it With pride that's that's the one thing that bothers me. He's like you can have your shitty moments

And you can have your your acting inappropriately when you're young and look back and be like, you know what? I'm not so proud of that. But when he talks about it He doesn't sound like he has a remorse and that's what he does because I'll tell you why Because he beat me up three weeks in a row Yeah, okay, and the third one was a sucker punch from behind when I was walking I parked my car You see how big he is. He's the guy who's like, he also FYI did something before that that people don't talk about Where he's took he took his own poop that he saved for a week in a bag

All right, he took a spatula scoop the poop out and put it underneath my Handle of my car and then put it on my windshield wipers So he put a little dab on my windshield on the window so that I would do my wipers so that all this shit would That sounds fair to me. That's that's to me. Okay. You want to get back at somebody smear fecal smear all over their car I was gonna do after that was I started freezing in my sperm. I Was gonna liquefy my sperm so that he could drink it But I couldn't figure out how to get my sperm into one of his beverages at the club

Okay, because I feel like that that that would have been and you know an impressive an impressive thing and also like It's it's thought weird my sperm. It wasn't enough. It was mostly water. Also, you should see how much he jizzes It's not yeah drops each it would take a year for me. I don't even know how I got pregnant But they're the two that sperm that's in there are very powerful. They have capes You know me and they're like very very powerful But my point is is this is is that and then he went into violence But the thing is is that he didn't talk to me and we five years not we would see each other at clubs And we which is not even pretend we were that you know in the same room together

But one day out of the blue. He calls me and he got he sincerely said what I did was wrong I am so sorry. I would love to be friends with you again And I said enough said and since then he put me on that TV show of his on Comedy Central called This is not happening. Yeah, and he's done other things for me You know, you know, and I would do the same for him and we we share You know, we're at the clubs together and everything's good. I don't hold grudges If you say if you say, I'm sorry, I'm fine You say you've squashed all beef with all the comics that I have no beef with anybody

There is only one comic on planet that I'm not gonna mention here. We already fucking By the way that people have been asking about that. What they're like, when you guys talk about that DP thing We don't know what that is. Yeah. Yeah, I'm not gonna talk about it. Oh, so you tease everyone for I can't do it We talk about we cannot talk about it. We we realize that it's um, it's not right. It's not good It's not right to be Bobby is a comedian and just to sort of Talk badly about another comic and also he's not doing that great in his no, he is he really is he's selling out No, he believes he is yeah, 14 see guys cafe

I Fuck man. All right. We're not gonna talk about it. Okay. Okay. I'm sorry. Everything's fine. He doesn't exist Okay, man, but other than that, I don't have any I mean Christopher Titus doesn't like me, but I don't know why Yeah, unnecessary. He is unnecessarily doesn't like me. Yeah, maybe just something about you that he doesn't like but when I was in Denver Brian Regan came by we hung out a little bit. You know, I was so excited I'm huge. I'm a huge Brian Regan fan And he tried to see me twice when we saw in San Jose try to come but he couldn't make it And I never met if we came backstage

We talked. What does that feel like when someone that you grew up watching and idolizing? Then acknowledges you as you know, somebody who he finds funny like what does that feel like? What do you feel in your inside? Well, I mean for me, it's like it doesn't you you think when you're starting out doing comedy or even before like what is it like? Meeting people that you admire, right? But when you actually meet them generally, they disappoint you, right? Or you realize that they have the same Failities, you know, I mean in questions and you know, I mean hardships that anyone else goes through, right? Maybe they're at a different level of it, right? But you just don't like when I look at somebody like

Mark Ocho who I He she's the reason why I started she paved the way. Yeah When I first met her the first initial response was like, oh my god, it's Mark Ocho But then when you start talking and you start sharing feelings and then you get him Well, you do events together or you know, we've done. I've been to her house before you just do things like that you realize. Oh She's a friend. You know, I mean colleague a colleague, but a friend And then you have guys that you started with with nothing that blew up Obviously, you don't have anything weird there because you know them. You knew them when they were struggling, right?

So it's like, you know, it's it doesn't you know, I've I've one time I did one time I was at Vince Vaughn's house and I did charades with Vince John Favreau Ashley Judd That sounds insane me. I'm at Ahmed and one other guy. I forgot who it was and charades the trades Yeah, it was one choice. It was one night I've never been in a situation like before or since but after that night

I was like, you know what they're just people that were bored and they just were like, we got to do something So we did that, you know That's another thing I should talk about Next episode, but really I just tell you something Bobby. Yeah, I'm not disappointed. You fuck you have an MMA thing I don't have an MMA thing, but I guess we'll we'll touch on it on the next episode I I was looking through Bobby's old pictures because he has this big chest of just pictures when he first started comedy and one the most reoccurring pictures in in this chest is always of him Vince Vaughn and Dane and Dane Cook and

I thought to myself like holy fuck like and I mean in in like just hugging like super best friends And so I asked him like whoa like You guys were buddies Yeah, what happened? Yeah, I gotta talk about the next episode And so we'll talk about that in the next episode because I think that's worth touching up on not even touching up on but expounding on a lot Yeah, because it's a sensitive it's a very sensitive subject and it's something that I feel like I can talk about now because it's it's a relationship That at this point will never be repaired or it doesn't even exist anymore It doesn't exist anymore, right? So it's it's so far from existing that I can talk about it because there's no

repercussions and also it it that happened almost what 14 years 14 years ago Yeah, so it's irrelevant. It doesn't even speak to him as a person now there was a time there was a time where I hung out with Dane and Vince Vaughn all the time and And you know, I would stay at Vince's house and sleep over and stuff and we had a good friendship And then it went it all ended overnight overnight and it was that's strange. It was crazy But it was devastating to you. It was devastating. We'll talk about it the next time. How many more minutes we got gilbo We got minutes for one fan question. Oh, yeah, okay, go ahead Come on

And Helpful advice with Bobby and Koleila This is from glare Doesn't make me an asshole that my gut feeling is to get angry whenever I see an Asian girl who dates white guys I know it's a stupid reaction But in my experience I've met and seen many Asian women who casually mentioned that they don't find Asian men attractive at all I mean a famous example that Bobby would be familiar with is Esther coup. What's an Asian guy to do in America? Well I mean, first of all Esther is a friend of mine, but it should be an extra coup at the end of her left fucking last name

Okay, extra cuckoo. She's fucking crazy. And if you want to date Esther cuckoo go right ahead, okay? Here's the thing. Okay Asian chicks that exclusively date white guys, okay? Are ashamed of their own race and ethnicity and they really deeply want to be white Okay, and that's it. I don't believe that at all. I know I just said the craziest thing that you could say But I'm gonna say this I you you listen there are obviously clauses and loopholes, but I'm saying Asian chicks that exclusively Okay

Date white. So if you ask an Asian girl, how many? Asian guys have you dated zero? How many white guys have you dated 10? Right? That is a fucking weird thing But it also depends on how she was brought up, right? If she was like if she was adopted That's the only clause. Let's say for instance, okay, let's use let's use my best friend Jessica as an example She she doesn't date Asian guys, but only because she always feels like they don't want to date her because she is not Your typical Korean girl. So they see her as threatening. They see her as somebody who's who's you know, she

That's with black. She's sort of crazy. I've never dated a black chick. Not because I don't like black people. I love black chick They just don't like me. That's fine. Okay, that's not what I'm saying. All right, and Jessica dated a fucking bean in Mexico Right like like a you know, a real English just a real Mexican speaks fluent Spanish Because she learned it because she had a relationship with this guy for yeah So that doesn't you know mean like for me, right me David Cho and Joe from Lincoln Park all did the same Korean chick Okay, because she was the only Korean chick that was hot enough and also crazy enough to date us three We did not at the same time in separate, you know times, right? So my point is is that I've never been exclusive I've dated whites Mexicans

Filipinos Koreans everything. All right, I've made out with blacks I've made out with everything because I don't have a thing but when a white shit goes especially if Minorities collectively right out in way whites in this country if you put them together, right? That's a weird statistic. I the reason I I don't necessarily agree with that is because look dude It's like we're all a lot of preferences. That's fine What if her vagina just gets wet when she sees a white dude and there's obviously it's not that she does conditioning It's I know the hegemonic thing. I mentioned earlier But what I'm saying is that that's not necessarily it sometimes, you know

It's just a matter that preference can can stem from anywhere It doesn't have to be something that's been pushed in front of her face and say hey This is why guys are only good. Oh, I like it's a social thing that they were if they were born in this country, right? Socially because of the media because of billboards or because of what they promote in terms of movie stars at whatnot that they Subconsciously are being you know, I mean trained. So what do you think happened with Esther coup? Cuz I mean she seems like she's a cultured girl. She seems like she's a girl. She's the same way But she's it. She's a funny girl when she was on last comic standing. I contacted her. I said you're a funny girl I've always asked her. I have her number. We talk. I love her, but she's the same way. That's fine

I'm not saying that you're evil. I just said that you are you know, I mean Culturally whitewashed. Okay, so this guy his question is is it wrong for him to feel angry about it? No, I think that I I look I don't think that he should be angry about it, but let them be let them go their way Don't hold a grudge against women. Oh, I hold a grudge. I don't think so. I think that's silly I I say it on stage. I know you do say it on stage, but I think that's silly because it's looking right in the eyes and I tell them Because I'm telling you right now. It's like it's fine. Okay. It's not a bad thing. All right shit I went through a white face, too. You know, I mean, they have rough skin, you know, I mean like Steve McQueen and it's fine You know, I mean, there's a lot of freckles. You can count the freckles on their body, right?

And they have wrinkly skin at the age of 22. That's fine. It's an experiment. All right I've dated a couple of really long-term relationship with white chicks, you know But my point is is that I'm not exclusive I've never been you know, because I'm evolved and I'm not racist. I look at the world and we are we are the world But when you're a fucking Asian chick and you specifically like I'm one I can't mention her name But you know what I'm talking about. Mm-hmm. The we I know an actress You know, oh, yeah, and so I get it. All right. There's a amount of prestige You know, I mean when you're dating a white dude who's good-looking and that's fine

And that's what in your fantasy mind what your life if that's what you think life is then go for it Well, then I have a fucking bone to pick with foreskin then why because this fucking jungle Asian next to me Yeah refuses to date Asian chicks and that pisses me off. I didn't say refuse I only likes white chicks as dick only gets away. I didn't even know that look at me right now I grew up in Georgia. It doesn't matter. I grew up in San Diego What it's the most conservative city in California one of them West Coast. There's Asians everywhere not in San Diego I'm gonna put you over my lap and that's not San Diego LA. Yeah, San Diego. No There was only four Asian people in my fucking skull. Let's ask him that why

Why is it that you've never dated an Asian dick is because they don't like you or you're just not attracted to first I didn't have any of them to date or even be surrounded by one growing up. So That's it. Okay But are you open to it? Do you find them attract them now? I do find them hot. No, you are just like Those girls I just mentioned. Yeah, you're ester cool. You're ester cool. You are ester cool I might ask you and let me say this right now. The next project is this data nation. No, I'm dating I'm trying to get a half one, but you know, no, no, no, no, no, full blood. Get out of here It's gonna be full-blooded. Okay, you can't be in the dating no female counter reeves and thinking that's Asian

Okay, you're gonna date a full-blooded one, all right With it with the you know, it's stretched face and the flat ass and all that Okay, and let me say you're gonna do it in the next six months Within the next six months if you're not dating an Asian chick full blooded You're fired. You're fired from the show I'll bring three prospects in next week Actually, if you guys like I need a holding age and chicks listening and you're interested in dating a very dashing dark jungle Asian Yeah, you know right us. Yeah, I don't want to date a girl though. I know you I don't want a girlfriend

Okay, no not date, but you know go out No, you have to penetrate her. Okay. Oh, come on. No, she has to fucking penetrate. No, I want Is that I've never had sex with an Asian girl. I kind of makes me so angry that I didn't even I wish you didn't even say I would you fucked up sir for by reading that question. Okay Don't you don't get mouthy with me. There's our boss. Look at me right now Don't get mouthy with me. I'm telling you something right now. All right You're gonna get a full blooded Asian within the next six months and I'm doing a power trip I'm doing it for your own good and for the people

Okay, and for the for the you Asian chicks that only date white guys. That's fine. I love you. No, he doesn't I do do market show Yeah, but I don't think that she only likes some white guys, but she always dates white guys or marries them. That's fine Mary, you know, I have cousins that only date white guys. That's fine all right sue

Jennifer they're all my first cousins the only date white guys and I'm fine with it But you don't but it's conditioning, right? And I don't think it's necessarily good You know, I mean for our people, but I get it. All right. You're not a bad person. It's just Society conditioning you to you know, I think it's fine. Halfies look great. They're magic people with a diversity You do have great-looking children. What time is it right now? I think that's that's it for today plug in some shows Um, oh, um next week. We are in San Francisco. Bobby is from the october 15 to 17 punchline san francisco after that He's in the 23rd october 23rd. Sheraton Guam

Just for one night Dude, it's the best show I've ever done. Yeah, the whole island the whole island comes It's amazing. Do you want to go? No, it's just one day after flight of tokyo. No, it's the whole time. All right. Thanks guys. All right. See you guys next time. Bye Oh Hey Prime members, you can listen to tiger barely ad free on amazon music download the amazon music app today Or you can listen ad free with wondry plus in apple podcast

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