TigerBelly - Episode 62: David So and the Language of Love

Episode Date: October 12, 2016

David is our favorite melonhead. Bobo grabs the pussy. Khaloko is duped. We talk parental abuse stylings, durian shitballs, and words of affirmation.   Recorded October 10, 2016 Music by Bobby Lee Instagram: @tigerbelly Twitter: @thetigerbelly YouTube.com/tigerbelly Facebook: thetigerbelly www.thetigerbelly.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey Prime members you can listen to Tiger Belly add free on Amazon music download the app today Five four three two one We live in cities I mean that tone Killing it Lord Do you know that girl? I haven't heard the Lord You know why about you know, you don't know. I know who Lord is. I know that in that song You know why I like Lord why she's dating the ugliest Asian person you could ever date in your life. That's me But all very true. I've seen the picture. He looks like a Japanese internment camp

He hasn't eaten rice in like three months No, no, I love him. He's killing the game. Yes, and she loves him Lord is killing the game He shouldn't just pluck him off from like some Japanese internment camp like no That's how my my thing is she had a time machine. She went back. What was that in the fifties? Japanese grab one of those fucking nips listen to me right now. I have we have a special guest very special Well, first of all, I want to introduce the people that are in the podcast before I introduce Our guest here. We've got George. We've got his fucking weird cousin. What the fuck is right nephew? I come in here

He gives me like the fucking his eyes are always glazed and it gives me googly eyes How how stand up Bobby? Yeah. Yeah, it's just a googly-eyed motherfucker right here, dude. I like you man Calala, that's me. Yeah, and Gilbert and now we got David. So hello So maybe so maybe so David so from the the internet Get him in and he's done Work with the just kidding newsers. Yes, that dog. I swear to fucking god You made a mistake. Why you you need it. I told you to put that dog and it's fucking Craig, George George's George's responsibility. Yeah, and what the fuck is he talking about his jacket? Yeah

Okay, I didn't comment on the roller-ring team or something. What is he doing normal attire? No, no, no I think it's because you're here because you're here. He dresses fancy. Oh, I didn't yeah Yeah, that's how what he dressed like. No, dude. Oh, it's nice. It's sparkly jacket. Yeah, he bought that for you, dude. Thank you So you're Korean. Yes, I am. Where were you raised? I was born in Korea, but I was raised in Sacramento, California How long did you live in Korea two years? Okay, so you're You're in America. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Is your dad big? No, he's fucking tight. My mom's like five one My dad's like five three. Whoa, and how tall are you? I'm six one. Wow McDonald's

You know what everybody that's so who's on my mom's side all their kids are tall except for my brother and this one girl Who had polio that's about it? Oh, really the polio person didn't make it. No, we're like just like they have like that. It affects polio. Look at me. I'm Killing the game Oh, so you grew up in Sacramento. Yeah, you're an American. Yeah, and you're a big Korean dude I'm gonna be something. Yeah friend. Were you popular in high school? No I don't know if I was really popular or not But you know you kind of just figure out where you're trying to fit in and you don't really know because I grew up in

a predominantly like Urban area, so, you know, what's up Dave that guy kind of thing. Yeah, well, I wanted to be You got the new trap called question I don't want the thing is I'm probably you're the biggest fan of this podcast. Yeah, so I know I know what that is. I know all the bits. You know all the bits. Of course you do. I was just telling me. Please discourage Urban Bobby I love Urban Bobby. Urban Bobby is great. Your head is like a melon Holy fuck, you're it's the biggest headed Korean dude. Bigger than mine? Yeah, but yours is flat. Okay. You don't even look human But this motherfucker right here dude has a fucking melon that's relative to my body size though. That is true

Yeah, it's your proportion. He's proportion and you're you're you're you have tits. Yes, I do. Yeah, I enjoy them Thank you. They're natural natural. Thank you, right? My girlfriend hates him though. So is she white? No, she's Korean so she makes sure she lets me know. Yeah, dude. Yeah, you got a Korean Do your parents care if you date out outside of your race? It doesn't matter if they're outside of my my ethnicity or race She just has to speak Korean Because do do they speak English fluently? No, my mother doesn't speak fucking English at all. That's why it's important Yeah, my dad does but he lies that he doesn't You can get away with it living in LA. It's like you can live in this like

Bubble of all Korean speaking. I was talking to Margaret Cho last night and I mentioned because we know we she has immigrant parents too Yeah, and there's something that immigrant parents do when you introduce them to your white friends They dismiss them by going like this. Hey dad, this is my friend Alex and my dad will go Okay, okay, okay, okay? No, he's a human being dad. He's got his you know eyes and a soul I think they do that because they don't know the language and they don't know really how to communicate with like American kids or whatever, but they do it in the most like even you have to apologize Yeah, like when my dad came in and beat my brother with that fucking keyboard Yeah naked like it's that kind of behavior. Well, you your dad was it was he violent?

He was extremely fine. He's beat the shit out of me all the time with what with his hand anything Yeah, he would do this thing back in the day where he would put out his fist Yeah, and then he would make me punch my own face into it Oh, that's a good one. That's not it. I'm not even write that down. I'm gonna do that. He work it right You would literally come up. You know why what's great about that is that you can now control the you know I mean how bad it hurts, but you know, you know, you and your kid your little fucking bitch So you don't want to do so you're like, you know, I would do it soft so many times But it would just get punched 40 times in the face because I wouldn't do it correctly for him

You know what I would have done what done as as hard as I could Yeah, cuz I want I would want to go to school with it Have to go what happened my dad Please help me. Did you have to do the thing where you had to hold the chair over your head? Yeah, no, we did books Oh, yeah, yeah, I fucking hate that shit is like illegal. It should be it should be illegal It's these and these it's a straight arm, too So it burns more you can't even we weren't allowed to bend I had to do on the knees chair over the head

And it was the most fucked up situation because when that chair is above your arms get tired And so the chair would smack my head because I would drop it. He would hit me in the ass That's why you're six one Yeah, oh, yeah, oh, that's amazing how violent they are. Yeah, my mom used to lay out rock salt Yeah, and then she used to have us kneel on it. I got dark real fast And so after two hours, you know because the rock salts would cause like wounds and so the salt would seep into the wounds And it would actually hurt more. Yeah, it was intense you kneel on rock salt And this is this is what in the Philippines. Oh, yeah. Oh, you get away with murder there. You do

Yeah, they call they have this thing called Bantai Bata, which is like you're supposed to like They have this thing called Bantai Bata It's like our version of like DCFS They're child protect, you know child protective services But it's basically like if you observe another parent beating up whatever whatever call this hotline But it's like everyone's doing nobody wants to snitch on each other, you know Yeah, so it's like no, I I need to hit my kids So I'm not gonna fucking snitch on that bitch hitting her kids even if she's literally murdering him

Yeah, I've only called I try to I threaten my parents that I was gonna call child protective services once in my life Yeah, I never did it. Yeah, my brother did it. He did. He actually did it. He's alive Yeah, I'm alive to tell you what my brother did was saved my life Why what happened because the beatings got so fucking bad that one day my brother called They came to the house and they never really until until I was on meth Remember like the the wars I used to have with my golf clubs with my dad But there was a time two three-year period when nothing happened because my brother did that he saved my life My brother, holy shit. How old are you? I don't know like eleven twelve. My brother was eight. You're on meth at eleven

No, I thirteen fourteen. Oh, now did they beat him for calling? No, because my brother was always the good kid. Oh So he was like the voice if I would have done it, you would never see I know you wouldn't see me here Did you so after you called that one time how old were you when you called by the way It was the dumbest fucking thing I've ever done in my life cuz like I remember this one commercial You know, like we had that fucking white kid. It's like you don't have to take it. Yeah, freeze-frame, you know I got that fucking idea and I don't literally out of no it came out of me like out of nowhere I didn't expect it to come out of my mouth. Yeah, and I was like that's child abuse and then my dad was like The room and I thought I had one yeah came back with the lead pipe. He swung it at me. I ducked and he shattered a shelf

Yeah, and then I just cried Yeah, and my mom came in and she laughed at me. Yeah, so your mom wasn't on your side No, they were like, you know, you have a good cop back up. Yeah, Korean house is like worst cop So my mom would just tack him and she would beat my ass after Only child. No, I haven't know the brother, but he barely ever got beat You're the wild one. Yeah, he was the golden child. I could see it. He probably has a normal side of his head, too You know, no, his head is fucking huge. Oh it is. My mom had to get a C-section because he had a fucking knock. Oh really? Yeah, oh fuck. He almost like tore a fucking vagina in half. Why was he why was he the golden child?

Is he older? He just you know what his nickname was actually goody two shoes Oh, like he would never curse never. He went to UC San Diego. So my dad's also a pastor. So he would like Exactly so my dad would always like why you know when they would ask about the kids They're like, okay. Well, what is your older son? No, he goes to UCSD and then he just would never mention me He goes, what about your younger son? He goes, what? My uncle's an answer that I died. I mean I was such a bad kid that I was never brought up either You know what it is? It's also this is that you literally feel like A trophy almost right because they use they're you know, like oh cousin

She's going to Hollywood And like you're at dinner, right and you're going I don't give a fuck right in your head Yeah, but they do that to make belittle you and to make He thought that that was going to make me go. Oh, I'm going to get straight A's now No, no, I'm going to go the other direction. My mom still does the same thing So and so, you know, she's um till this day. Yeah, she's a nurse practitioner now, you know Like so is the fucking Fancy

In the Philippines, it's like it's so revered, you know, oh, she's a nurse wow in the States wow, huh? Like it's very she's head made at So what are your parents, what's your relationship with your parents now? Uh, it's pretty good. You know, my dad and I it's hard to get along when somebody calls you stupid your whole life You kind of like actually you want the funny thing is I was just a Sacramento and I got into a huge fucking yelling match with him And I felt so fucking terrible. I did it. How old are you now? I'm 29 Still you get yelling matches? Yeah It's because my dad and it's so funny because like I felt terrible because my dad started tearing up and my mom started tearing

You know, you're at that age where you can't just yell at your parents and you feel good about it And so it how the fight ended was so funny because my dad looks at me and he goes You think you're so much better than me, don't you he goes You know what the difference is between you and me is that when my when your grandfather I used to argue I knew I was just like him. You haven't realized that you're just like me. So you'll never win the argument I was like fine if that's true So you're fucking stupid, right? Because you always call me stupid. He goes yes And I started cracking the fuck up

And then my mom starts laughing too. She looks at my dad. She goes you're so dumb He goes you call me stupid every day But he said that and we couldn't stop laughing so he started getting more angry. Yeah, but it's just you know It was just so comical. Yeah Oh my god, and I felt so terrible and then we started talking a little bit more and then afterwards I just gave him a hug because I felt terrible. You know, what do they think about what you do now? Like how do you are you able to explain to them exactly what you do for a living? It doesn't matter what you do as long as you make money. So my dad was proud after the money came and he was my idea

We got into this huge fucking argument because he he I basically brought up some old shit Which I shouldn't have and it's because I didn't want to go to a university at the time I wanted to go to the community college and go to the university I wanted to and he Basically said he never said that and so he goes I told you if you want to be a comedian I send you to comedy college. What the fuck is a comedy college? Yeah, so he doesn't understand what I was like that doesn't Korean parents don't even know how show business works Yes, you mean I might I go you have to be in more movie All right, what do I do? You don't try hard enough you call them

You call them all the studio. Yeah, I am available You don't call everybody Right, like I'm supposed to call Paramount go. Yeah, I want to play spider-man You know, I mean like he thinks that that's how it works When I did the tonight show, you know, we said the next day or how much you pay them To get like I like every guest in there like Tom Cruise Oh, here's a grand. You know what I mean? Like I know I was invited. Yeah, you know, they don't know how it works They he thinks that the reason why I'm where I'm at is because of like I'm not making enough call phone calls

And he just doesn't realize that this is the best that I can do You know always give you ideas like on how to do your comedy better. No, what did you say your dad? My dad always has like some kind of stupid joke about what I should do So like the weird shit is it's like even when it comes to business So he comes to me one day like about a year ago. He goes, yeah Yo, why don't you say a condom I was like what he goes, you know, you say you have a gopo broke clothing brand, right? I was like, you want me to sell a gopher broke condom What the fuck and so that's how why we get into arguments. Yeah, if I tell him it's not a good idea. He goes

You don't understand It's like no, I understand. It's fucking stupid. Yeah Yeah, you just don't know what is going on in the country ever my parents They don't know anything, right? So when they come up with an idea, you know, you should be a movie where you you know me You live in a cave You know, you fight donkey, you know, it's like dad that doesn't make any sense. No, you'll be good You know, I had dream, you know, that you know, it's like you don't know anything He's never seen a movie in his life when he got a stroke. Well, you were there

right my dad had a stroke And my mom put earphones. Were you there? Oh when he cried when he cried? Yeah He didn't cry because he was dying and he heard Eric Clapton That was the first time he ever heard music He'd never heard music before That's why he cried people were going. Oh, no, he's getting older No, he's never heard music before Yeah, to him. It's like, you know, I mean, it's like when North Korea when when they played the philharmonic

played right and Kim Jong-un let people listen to it People were like moved by it because they'd never heard it before. Oh, Jesus But in your dad's case because he had a stroke. I'm just trying to be more scientific about it You're not able to express the way you express things is kind of has been short circuited So your dad now can only express As from what I've noticed it's either crying or laughing So like when he even when he's happy, it's very limited now It's almost as if like he's lost his ability to express properly because his brain's been affected

So like even if he's not necessarily emotional, we're reading it as emotional He could have hated it. He could have been like fuck this. So he ended up crying But that's the only way no because he did it's hard for him to express rage. I've seen I've I've seen him multiple times Sweetie. He can't express rage anymore. No, which is great. Well, this is here. I here's how I feel why I feel guilty is because when I was maybe 14 I prayed that he got a stroke Oh my god, Bobby. What the fuck man, but it happened like 30 years too late

God doesn't work in your time the way you wanted the way you want it. He answers your prayers He doesn't answer your prayers, but he does he does it in his own way. Yeah, right? So I feel guilty about it because I feel like I did that. Oh my god, you might have Yeah, I think I would have I might have because I hated him or it could just be the high salt and the rage. Yeah It could be that It could be that the lamion. It could be the lord. It could be the lamion, but it could be also my prayers You know, I mean I prayed a lot of things. You actually Prayed Jesus

Did you want him to get a stroke and die or just have a stroke? Oh, I wanted him I'll do it again. Fuckface. I'll do it again. Fuckface. Okay. Okay. Dear god I like that. I like that. I like that. Please give my dad cancer And AIDS at the same time I mean those are the kind of prayers. Yeah, I hated them Wow, and I we used to fear him and he ran our house like a fucking dictator But I'm telling you this right now. I don't know what happened to me But I really love him. What age was the turning point for you when you started loving your dad

When he got better as the as men get older, right? They lose what the estrogen They lose estrogen Their estrogen goes up the testosterone goes down so they become the sweet old man. Yeah, he became softer And he and because he got sick too He relies so much on us Me financially my mom with the day-to-day Thing that he just feels looks helpless and you know that he loves He loves us. You know, he says it you could see in his face. Your dad says I love you. Yeah

Yeah, what the fuck all the time now you're kissing the kiss on the lips and shit. No, he's I've heard my dad say sorry once Oh, really? Why because I he asked me for this ajama's phone number and he got the number wrong. He goes. Oh, sorry. I was like, what? That was yeah, and I asked was that he goes nothing Yeah, and I've never heard him say it again. No, I love you's either growing up He's so what I found out actually through this fight that we just had he goes Even with your mom Your your grandparents, I've always just been a fact person. I only state facts That's how I communicate you want to talk you want me to talk to you like your mom talks to you

I can't do that. So you you can't expect me to adjust. I'm old. You have to adjust for me So my dad equates love through, you know, he provided for us goddess all this is so that's like Which is very standard korean. It's very standard korean because he may not think He may not think like he's like this bitch right here Do you mean she thinks that what I'm doing is selfish and all that's no bitch. It's pure love Yeah, no, I'm getting it slowly now. Yeah. Yeah. Now. I've I've resigned shoes go buy shoes. I got it When have I ever You want a dress? Go get it. I'm gonna fuck take my cards. I haven't shopped. I love you. I yeah, right

You want whatever dinner you want you got it. But do I ever capitalize? No, you don't but what I'm saying is that you should That's right because it's love. He offers it. I never take it. Yeah, and because that's not how I express it I was raised that way different love languages. We've talked about this. Everybody receives and perceives love in a different way So for me, it's about affection. Like I am an I need affection like not all chicks are like that Hold me hold why Are you her You want to be a hell like a baby? I got shit for you

You spent holding another human being like that. What the fuck is that accomplished? I could be watching westworld. I could be doing another fucking crucible thing on the destiny You know what I mean? But you got to do this and that's all girls. I love you I'm not fighting against you. No, I'm I'm saying you sold me a false dream Then you stupid motherfucker because in the beginning of our relationship in the beginning of fucking look at me right now Now now it's on hold on in the beginning of our relationship, David He wouldn't let me go. He was so touchy feely just cling I mean, I straight up thought he was a stage five cling art like he would

Everything I did he was attached to me at the hip now all of a sudden like we don't touch We're not homies anymore. We can't hug. I can't ask for a hug. What's Trump's wife's name? Melania. Melania. Okay Let me tell you something right now and everyone in this room listen to me right now When he first dated Melania, he pulled out all the stops got the bitch pregnant You gotta grab the pussy That's when he said it He's pregnant, right? So he presented her with a different light and then a couple years later. You gotta grab the pussy

I don't know the fuck you're saying. What does it even mean when I'm saying? I'll tell you listen. I'm gonna tell you right. Why okay? This is that we want to get you know, like I love her like she's great to talk to I can tell that we get along but I want to keep her for myself Right, I'm gonna take her off the market Right, and so I'm gonna do everything I can to make that happen. Yes over the years you reveal other things You know how I really am You know but that by that time it's too late

I can't I can't leave now. We got three cats and a dog. I got you. I'm too deep in do you feel like you were duped then? She was I was I'll admit it. I do I fucking duped her But every guy dupes her girl. Yeah, I think so every guy, you know three years in girls look at him like That is that little thing that you do you didn't used to do that. Yeah, I can do it now because you're mine I mean, yeah, I had a really fucked up dream and this is how I know. I love you Okay, this is gonna. I don't know what this is But Davey Davey Davey you're about to hear some bullshit. No, it's not You can call me whatever you said I can call you whatever you want. Yes from now on for the rest of our life

You're Davey. I like it. Tell me what this means. Melonhead. Okay, Davey the melonhead interpret my dreams. Okay Okay, so I had a dream. You know, we had a guest here chris witauski Um, I had a dream that he cheated on me with chris witauski's fiance And then chris witauski and everybody jud apatown everybody came to attack bobby And I defended him and I said no, he didn't cheat with her I was with him on the night of night of night of and I basically Painted a picture as if he didn't Even in fact, he did but he didn't cheat because I didn't want him to lose the job on love

Whoa That is exactly why you're with me That shit right there, but I was crying. I was heartbroken because he cheated on me But you still pulled the stops for him because he stopped and you protected me And that's being called a good person In a real woman Okay, I'm the bait of his j you know and you you you you went to bat for me Even though I did the wrong thing and that's why you can get shoes tomorrow

He's been he's been telling me I can buy shoes for three years I have yet to use any of his money a single dime to buy a single pair of shoes All she has to do is this why is that because I'm always asleep What time am I waking up lately five five six p.m. Yeah, right? He's like I'll buy his shoes tomorrow every day We don't buy you all you have to do this lady. I don't want your fucking money I'm just saying I'm just letting you know that this can happen tomorrow. You wake up. You call your friends Yes, let's go shopping. You grab my shit. You know my codes for my atm You have all my credit cards and go fucking crazy

Wow, that's awesome. Give a fuck That's pretty because I love you, but you won't take it. I won't take it. You won't take it I've never honestly I You can ask him. I've never he said take my credit card. I've never used it to go on a shopping spree It's it feels it doesn't feel weird Well, you have used my credit cards to buy when we when we are together. That's not true When we're together that's kind of stop stop it right now. What about the two jackets you got from stucie? Don't remind that's my money

I use my money for that, okay What the fuck you laughing at my friend I don't know what just happened. I don't look at me right now. What are you cackling about? I've cackling because you were calling Ralph for using your card. Was she doing it? I made a mistake just now And you cackled in my face friend. I'm sorry, man. I'm sorry. Okay. Look at me right now Do you watch yourself? Oh, well, okay. Thank you. That's you know, I do use credit cards Davey Melonhead you can do whatever you want. You're a guest. Oh groceries. That's what I use it for Grocery whatever. Yeah, what nutrients. That's true more important thing. I give her a source of life sources of life

Yeah, right water vitamin nutrients. You know things to to make her shelter live Shelter companionship cats the Tamagotchi Right, so I did all those things. Yeah, because that's love. No one's saying you're not a good provider That's it. You're a great provider. I'm not gonna hold you This doesn't know how to hold me So what's what's your love language then my long let long language my love language is um affection and time So it's just so it's quality time quality time. Yeah, it's quality time So he can't be on his phone and yeah, you have to be engaging but it's like basically it's uh, I have problems

Yeah, he has problems. I have massive I'll admit and I'm gonna get emotional First of all When I'm getting emotional Do me a favor Wipe that smile off your fucking face, man. Who me? Yeah Sorry, man I'm just kidding. I wasn't really getting emotional, but I just yeah. Yeah, but I I have problems I've been a little depressed lately

Because I've been playing a lot of video games destiny Thank you Thank you so much. Davey. This is the best podcast on earth. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much, Davey Yeah, and um, I've been waking up at 6 p.m. Um, I went last night six p.m. Six donuts. Six donuts. Yeah, I haven't eaten California donuts all day I woke up at six. I went to the comedy store to do another podcast. I came over here I haven't eaten a single thing. My body's breaking down

Okay, so I might say something or behave in ways that's a little erratic I might cry for no reason But sorry, thank you. And you know what I like about you, Dave? You're very fucking quick He's very quick. Are they fast? Very slow over here. Very slow. Very slow. You didn't get beat enough. That's what you're doing. Yeah, that's true Okay, you only got fish took. Yeah, only fish hook. So I have a question for you both. I'm not done yet I love you, but I'm not done yet. I hate when he does that I love you only comes when it's like I love you, but I love you Is that better?

What's your fucking girlfriend's name? I'll give you your name. Oh, Cindy. Cindy. Cindy. That's all I want to know. You know what right there? That was a big step for you And I encourage you to do more so in the future. But I am Listen, I'm not we're not blood related Okay But I'm your I'm an angel

I'm your guardian angel. You're a dream weaver. I'm a dream weaver. Yeah, and I'm also your life coach Mm-hmm. I really need to know everything. I know and that's the way you and I are gonna fucking get closer. Yeah, because right now You're becoming friend, but you're more of an acquaintance Oh, man. Oh It's like going backwards. Yeah, that's what it meals with you really because I don't know what your girlfriend's full girlfriend's name is And you're not see see what you're doing. You're smiling. You're smiling. You're smiling. You're smiling. I can't smile I'm the captain of the ship. Okay, fine. And this is the boat. Okay. Do you guys all know that? No, no, I'm standing up right now Stop it. No, fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it. Stop. Stop

Bryce, all right Your eyes, Bryce. No, no, no, no everyone. I'm telling you right now. I'm sorry. I'm in a mood. Okay We're all equals as human beings Okay When god if when jesus christ comes back to earth, right? We're all me and tom hanks at the same level. Okay Okay, he's a little bit All right, he's tom hanks america's He's ahead of the line. He gets that go to heaven first. Okay

We're all but in this fucking room Is a ship And i'm the captain I'm motivated. That was awesome. Yeah Thank you. So I want to know I'm not done. I want everyone to clap. Okay, right? And everyone just say at the same time when I come to three You're the captain and my savior David just met you. Yeah. Yeah. I'm gonna show you how I'm gonna show you guys everyone clap, right?

Clap clap Three two one You're the captain and my savior. That's it. Wow. That's the ticket and that's the good stuff. Oh David was telling me before the show. He actually met you when he was 18 I don't remember you were at riverside and you did a stand-up comedy show and I saw you naked I remember that. Yeah, I do remember because that show particularly Was crazy, right? There was a lot of people there. Yes, you fucking killed it. Yeah, and it was just like the energy I remember going oh

He grabbed my ra. He's he told him put his hands up like this. Yeah He used him as a stripper pole. Yeah, he stripped butt naked and he harassed him. Yeah. Yeah, and I was Ra for college. Yeah. Oh shit. Yeah, that was pretty fucking awesome. Yeah, you you you use what you have Yeah, you know what if there's a quote of the week, that's it You use what you have and I want people to really memorize that We're all survivors here guys Okay, okay, Bobby. All right. Thank you. And I want to say one last thing what I did today just FYI for your information

For the audience for the audience It's today before I met you guys here for this I was at the comedy store to do another podcast this comedy store has a podcast And it's led by this white dude named Rick Ingram. I've known him for years. Very funny guy And his Co-host is a girl by the name of Eleanor Carrigan She's a comic. She dated Andrew Dice clay for years She's still his opener

And it's very funny I hated her More than I hated Hitler. Oh lord. It's very strong My goodness, sweetie I'm not even kidding. Are you laughed at that right now? That that's how much I why did you hate her that much? I don't know why I don't know. I do know why there's a millions of things. Okay, and I know we have a guest here I don't want to bore you with all the details. Give us a brief version. No, I'm not gonna give you the

I'm gonna give you the story the story the four hour the four hour. I love this. Okay. So this is what happened There was a comic by the name of freddy soto He died. All right, p. All right, p All right, I like the way he did it. Yeah, I don't know what it was like It was like it's so not gangster He's smoking a cigarette. It was so forceful too No finesse. No finesse. All right Our race that I did

I raced it because I have never done that before I just followed her But I saw her in my peripheral vision. So I didn't exactly know how to do it. It was cool So when she did I'm like And when I did it I thought that's not how you do it. Okay, so um a race all that Okay Physical movements, I've never seen before from my peripheral vision. Well urban bobby should know that Yeah, okay all day now. Listen

Deb Oh So, um freddy soto and I met in 1995 and he was uh, hispanic and He turned out to be one of the best comics I've ever seen in my fucking life I'm not kidding you. He was on his way. He didn't move with annas adam sandler I don't know. I know he went to the aspen convoy to festival had some special on showtime. He was on his way. Okay and but when uh

When I moved to la him and I just didn't like each other. I mean he turned he We got in a fight in san diego about some fucking bullshit and then when I came to la We just didn't like each other at one point I walked in the main room when it was packed and he stopped his show to kick me out of the room In front of a packed room and it was like like stuff like that. Yeah, right and his best friend was elinor carrigan elinor at the time was a waitress at the store and I made the assumption that she hated me Because freddy hated me by association by association, but she didn't like me

I hate is a strong word And remember one time she came up to me. She goes. Yeah, you know, I'm from philly and you know from my neighborhood Asians eat shitballs Yeah, stuff like that Apparently there's a vietnamese community where she grew up and there's like a fruit that's in a tree that smells like shit durian Oh durian durian. Yeah. Yeah, I guess durian durian smells like shit. Yeah, she's right They are shitballs. Yeah, so um, it was durian fruit And but I turned that's her sense of humor

But I took it as oh, she doesn't even like asians And also she doesn't like me and then she became the telechronator of the comedy store And I wasn't getting spots that year that she was a telechronator where I just made an assumption that She's trying to weed me out of the comedy store And so there was a civil war between her and I for 17 years to the point where I would cross paths with her and we would act as if we were just Winded like nothing. That's so awkward. He's awkward for 17 years. Yeah last night

For the first time ever She looked at me and she said hey, you want to do our podcast tomorrow? I said, yep Wow, just not even a thought Yep Because Ari Shafir and I had a battle right and we didn't talk to each other for six years All right, and I know that the toward the last couple of years of that that I in my heart Was like I want this to be resolved This 17 years I've wanted this to be resolved for 17 fun years

It was because she became a comic. She got good as a comic. She's always at the comedy store Every time I'm there. I'm reminded of the past. I'm reminded of we don't like each other or whatever And then you get to the point where it's like, I don't have really any hard feelings You don't know why you even hated her to begin with and plus Freddy's past Freddy's past and we were able to like talk about him today But um, she said that I came to the store today. We had a really good podcast. It was very We talked about like I remember I'll give you an example One time Ashley Hamilton George Hamilton's son George Hamilton is a big Hollywood actor from the old school He was in godfather three, you know, plead the lawyer. His son came up to me and goes. Yeah, Eleanor

Was at the laugh factory telling everyone that you're gay Right and for years that bitch is gonna fucking die She just told me today that brian holtzman said it And he and brian nudged her to just go along with it just as a joke So she goes. Yeah, he's gay and then actually Hamilton Literally took that as if it was a fact and then told me Right, that doesn't strike me as something that would offend you because I feel like 90 of people do you call me? I was gay. I wouldn't care. We don't have beef. I see

This history behind that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, if you have beef with something every fucking word is something right and another thing is is that I mean, she thought that I sucked Andy dick's dick. Oh Yeah, because I won. Yeah, was his doorman one night. Andy dick came and he was drunk I went to the bathroom as a joke. He followed me in And we stuck we're in the bathroom together for like maybe 30 seconds And then I try to get out

Because I don't know who he really who he was at the time And then there was a 10-year rumor that I sucked his dick Oh, and I thought that she had spread it, but she didn't yeah, so all these little things in my mind that I built up was resolved today and I feel freer lighter I feel lighter you know and

I should have done this years ago because I didn't go to Freddy's funeral Because he died because I thought That I wasn't gonna be welcome But she just said no we were thought you were gonna come You know, but in my crazy head You build up all these fantasies about what people are saying or what they're thinking as if I'm a psychic And then you based You know, I mean emotions and thoughts and opinions opinions based on the delusional thoughts

And all of a sudden it gets out of control in your head and then years go by and it's snowballs and it's like, you know I'm just gonna shut it off Because I'm not a psychic I don't know why you know, I read things that this and that why people say it But it's not my job to create these fucking fantasies You gotta get out It causes it causes anxiety

And and and and heavy weight heavy weight on you for no fucking reason You gotta get out of yourself. That's your problem too every time he like goes to auditions and stuff He creates these storylines and he like waters them and they become so much bigger in his head than reality And so it causes son of zorn What happened old anxiety from doing that? No, the first day I was there. I had a problem with a line One line one line. I couldn't say it Was just written in a way that was difficult to say They were like, can you just say it the way it's written? I don't know if I can

It's so complicated The it was like the it was the linear thought like I'm good with You know when people are conversational and things that I would say But if it's either scientific or in a jargon that I don't know it's hard to remember I'm just like a little bit. Yeah. So that one morning it was rough They cut that line out But the whole week I was fine with fun But to me the whole week was a disaster because of that one moment

And then now it comes out and people on twitter like you're fucking hilarious in it. Yeah, and you go, oh I built this up in my mind to be the worst thing ever For no reason you don't get scabbed over after doing it for years. I mean you're a veteran in the game like you don't you don't get like Unemotional anymore about that kind of stuff I do Surfacely for people to think that I'm have it together. But no, I don't like there's lots. I still have fear Yeah, I still have anxiety about things

Um, the first day I did love I remember telling Gillian like hey Why is Judd here? You know what I mean? And you know and then why? You know and I was like, I don't know if I can do it Because I just got was really nervous about it You know, they say action did it was fine. You know, I mean, but you know, you still get like massive like jitters You know, it's like I don't Because at the time I didn't know Judd that well. I didn't know the show that well. It was new

You know, I can't believe I got the job, you know, but It's a lot of head fuck. I fucked myself Mentally, do you do that or no? Well, I only went on a couple of auditions and that shit was the most worst time of my fucking life. Why? Uh, just because you know, it was like the first time I ever tried stand-up It felt like that again and I hadn't felt that in years and I got so fucking nervous and it just I I could I quit acting like going to a job interview every fucking day and somebody telling you fucking suck Yeah, you know, yeah, and then uh, it just wasn't for me. I mean, I enjoy acting

but then I think it's hard for me to Do what somebody else's vision and so that which proves that I'm not an actor. No, no, no, that's not that's not that's not it That's not it. Okay. That's exactly the opposite because I've thought that way before. Okay. Okay It's the reason why You get nervous is because you live in the results All right, you want to get the job. Yeah, all right so bad because You know you book one good role it changes your life. It really does it can look at Eric stone street He was doing commercials for years bit parts and movies. That's in that modern modern family

Just his whole life changes and that's what's at stake But if you if that's in your head somewhere in your brain when you're auditioning it's over. You're not gonna do it Right. So it's like what I do now is I just know I'm not gonna get the job really I want it But I just would rather go in there and show them how I would do it And the last bunch of them this year have been amazing for me. I mean, I have come close to a lot of things I've booked some things, you know, and um I you have to You know, you just have to keep sometimes putting yourself in that situation

Sometimes their their vision might be your vision Sometimes, you know oftentimes they'll do a casting and it's like an open casting all races, right? So sometimes they create a character and they leave it up to you for that the artistic freedom to say hey, you know Because I think that's what happened. You said with like Eric stone street, too Like they didn't think they wanted like a big fat gay man, you know to play Well, he also said to me it's so fucking funny. And this is why I believe in god Oh god damn it got serious. This is why I believe in god. Okay. Yeah, I really believe this When I auditioned

For animal practice. I know that granted I hadn't done a pilot in years before that In fact, I hadn't even I've I mean I tested for a new girl Which is okay, but um other than that not close Okay So I'm sitting in this audition and he just so happened to be Walking by who Eric Eric stone street. Yeah, okay, and I I say I'm auditioning for this thing and he goes don't worry about the lines Like a what and he says, yeah, I mean it doesn't have to be perfect

And I go he goes you have to allow yourself to make mistakes. It's you're getting one shot at it They that's not what they want to see somebody doing a perfect right and and and I got the job and I I believe I really believe that He just was there at the right time for me to get that in my head. A lot of it's us in our head In our heads. We fuck ourselves You know me and I just think that You should whoever sent you on on these auditions. Do you yourself? No my manager your manager. Yeah, you should encourage her to send you on more

Because what you like a stand-up? I'm sorry. It's just why call them a herd and he looks like a girl. So it just makes It's awesome. It made sense It says something about him women in power positions he he believes in it. Yeah, I do my man I always think that it should be a woman But um, you should encourage him That feel better. No, he's just funny. Did I feel better? Yes. Okay to send you off Because I want you to I want I want you to get over that thing

Right because already the way you look Is hilarious? Yeah You're like, you know, there's something about you. That's like what the fuck You know and there really is like in terms of koreans. Yeah, I've never in my life Never in my life. Yeah, never in my life. It even imagine And that's a good thing. Thank you. Yeah, I often do you do stand-up? Do you go on the road? Only if for colleges now like uh, it you know NACA when it was the uh, like It's all I wanted to do

I think like that was my only focus and then youtube kind of opened up my eyes of a different type of entertainment Yeah, and so I don't hold my craft which I kind of am a little bit disappointed in that fact Because when you when you watch your other peers who did hone their craft You see how much better they've gotten and I look at that I'm like, oh, I could have done that too But as of right now, like I'm okay. I'm actually very happy doing what I'm doing But what is it that you do at these colleges? Uh, stand up. You just stand up at the colleges, right? Yeah, but do you One hour or do is there 25 minutes you do q&a. There's other games you play. I do stand up and I do q&a after Yeah, that's cool

And this is a little different though because they're they're there to hear you speak So it's not the same, you know versus when you would go up to a random crowd and you could see if your jokes hit Right, it doesn't have that same feeling. Yeah, do you still want to do something? That's just straight stand-up though Maybe in a few years. I just have some other goals I want to get out the way right now, which are what well the first one I wanted to work on a film which we worked on it was called gook and then we uh It's perfect. I love that title. That's the best title ever. Is there any better title than gook? Yeah Yeah, and so I got that out the way indy film. We're gonna submit sundance and everything else like that

You made it. I don't know yet. So we're gonna submit it. What do you mean? Did you write the other script is we shot it and everything? Oh, so you shot a movie? Yeah called gook. Yeah Yeah, you who's in your star? Justin chan. Oh, he listens to this. I think this podcast. Yeah Justin me Justin and this young girl named Camille and this guy. There was no role in there for me or You know what you know what he would have done it for free too. I think just for the title alone From the beginning of it a gook. I think Justin was looking at you to cast as my brother But then He he decided that he was gonna do it himself because he didn't know if you know what I mean

So, I don't know. Okay. I don't know what you mean. He did it. He it was his vision So like he didn't know if somebody else could do his vision the way he wanted or something What's his name? Justin Justin. Justin if you're listening Twilight He's on Twilight. He was in Twilight the Asian guy in Twilight. Oh, yeah, he's cute Justin listen to me right now next time Just next time just open your heart up And just go Uncle Bob

Uncle Bob your uncle your uncle Bob Sungchun Sungchun Just give me a line in gook That would have been nice, right? That would have been nice. Would you have done it? Yeah, he would want that on his IMDB just from the title alone I wouldn't force him to do it. Hey, can you do you want to do gook? Yeah, I mean Do you want to know what it is? No, no, are you sure? I want to be in gook I know. I wish I would have known that

Well, that's you know what? You should take risks like that goot too. I don't even think I don't even think that you guys would have put me in It's fine. Let's move on. No That's not true. Now that you know this now that I know this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean if it wasn't let me ask you this Was there a real crew? It was it was done on an 80k budget though That's fine. I would have done it for free. It's an indie film. Yeah. No No, he's so angry

I told you I would have done it for free. He absolutely would have done it for free course. I've done a lot of things for free I mean for me, it's like when I did that movie with Art and marine just let the summer of the one with the Teenagers that yeah There's cute kids in it, you know, and you know, they're real legitimate young Hollywood kids in it But the money was what not good. No, okay, you know, I'll go I read it I go yeah, I like to play that I do it Yeah, I mean you have to pay me something

But I don't need it, you know, but also I I feel as though we talk about it Anytime he gets offered something and we read the script together and if it's something that's compelling to me I always tell him money or not do it Yeah, like he turned down bigger things and bigger money which he did for that movie for that one You turned on something much bigger to do a small. I was I was offered just two weeks ago a Lead of a full-blown movie What? Yeah, and I go, I don't want I don't like the premise of it

I don't want to do it. Yeah. I still want to do it, you know, and so um, look at you, mr. Hollywood No, I'm not saying that I'm just saying that I see no to a lot of things But there's some things that I just gooks to me sounds like something I would want to do Yeah, it's a dramedy about the ellie rights That's oh my god fucking better. You're breaking his heart right now. You're breaking my heart, dude Oh, shit. Yeah. Yeah, I think it's in the Sundance, too Because in my pilot I did a pilot for commie central

A lot of it was taken to place in the la riots I love the la riots. It's my favorite riot You know why because our people wasn't it? Yeah, that's why Yeah, and you know what people don't talk about that perspective either. They you know, there's the black whites But dude fucking there was people on ruse with People down because you know that was some real shit people don't talk about that. Yeah. Yeah, you know You know that that is a very that whole thing though between Yeah, I don't think it's a thing anymore

the tension between koreans and black people But back then it was a thing I feel like it's still a thing No, because they no, I I don't I don't personally but maybe you're not you personally but from what I've I did not just koreans I think just asian people or just there's a people hate asian people like yeah, yeah Extremely a lot. I make fun of asian people all the fucking time for no reason But it is weird that asians would go into

urban communities to open up liquor stores to enslave the people even more Basically we open up a store that sells a drug Right, which is chains And we could do it in suburban places or whatever But we choose these specific communities because we know that we can make more money that way Not we as a me. I would never do it But I'm so and then also when you open up a store in the urban community

And every once in a while, maybe there is going to be a black person that steals But then you make the assumption that everyone's going to steal and so then you come up with things like you touch you by No browsing what they used to say no browsing What is that even like don't walk around you by me and it's like I can't touch it and read how much it is Yeah, but when black people used to go to korean liquor stores, they would you don't touch it, you know, and then just put it back down But then again, it's like But then they were all weird because we had shotguns on the you know on the roofs It's like that's not my business like i'm going to protect it. Yeah

Did your did your parents own a personal uh family business? Yeah, they did. Oh, yeah What did your parents do David? He was a preacher if you didn't listen. Oh, you know, no, no pastor, but then for money My dad did it for free What? What that's his character that's his character of goop Yeah, that's my character Pitched right A pagan god for no money

Uh korean missionaries were the reason why he had an education in korea. So that's how it happened Oh, i'm that you are you a christian? Yes. Okay. I'm sorry for saying that That's okay. No, no, no. I want to retake what there. He's not a pig He's not a pagan god He was but I don't want to I just regret Yeah, but uh, you believe in the lord jesus christ died for your sons. Yes, I do you do Can we talk about this for a second? Yeah Do you mind? Oh, no, go ahead because he listened. I'm going to say this right up front. Uh-huh

I like you I do Once I saw you I go, I like this guy. Okay. I feel like we can have a relationship. Oh, okay Probably not best friends. Okay. All right Definitely pounds like if I saw you in a club we pounded out. That's all I want But I wanted to ask you this so So you believe do you believe this that if I masturbate? That's lusting and therefore that's the same thing as

Rape What what was this in the bible? I don't know No, no, because christians believe that lusting is the same thing as having sex or whatever, right? Yeah lust is one of the Yeah, it's that they're both on the same in god's eyes They're both the same thing If I masturbate So do you believe that? No. Okay. Do you believe that masturbating is a sin? No

I think it's the reason why people don't kill each other. Okay. Well, you're not a christian then Yes, he is. No, you're not. No, no, you're not. I mean, okay. You paint you paint All christians with with the same fucking paint brush. Do you believe it in a woman's right to choose? Yes He associates all christians with a very very like Every uh, yeah, what kind of I'll go to that church then That's every church in LA All the work with the rock band and the music that kind of church. Yeah, the mojave. What's that called? Are you talking about old testament in mosaic? Yeah, what's it called? Mosaic mosaic. I call mojave

Mojave desert. Maybe I just been going to different churches. I don't know. Okay. I because the christians. I'm used to Are the protestant born again? Evangelical Right. All right. Well, then that's it. Do you speak in tongues? No, what that's that's all that's what I was my dad did Well That should used to creep me the fuck out too. Okay. He really did Speak in tongue. I don't know if it was speaking in tongue. I just know maybe he was just night and he was Maybe it was an english english-korean thing that he was doing

I could have been a combination between two two languages, but I just know that there were scandals and he just Yeah So you wake up in the middle of night or dead. I I didn't really do that I thought my dad was possessed and he because he wouldn't explain to me what it is and I would go to the bathroom And I would just see my dad Oh my god, and then I would get scared. I had to ask my mom. I was like Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, he's a pedigee just a busy and he's speaking in tongues Yeah, and then I saw my mom do it and that freaked me out weird

Yeah, you know my mom. I don't think she was doing it though. Yeah, I think she was just imitating my dad Yeah, yeah, she was like trying to like fake the fucking video It's all about survival too because when I first came here to the Philippines we The reason my sister and I came here from the Philippines or that we were able to afford it Is because a a nigerian church should like pick my dad up and basically from being like homeless and They raised enough the church a nigerian church raised money to buy my mom and sister and my plane ticket to come to america Oh, so as a thank you my dad was like you have to go we have to go to church, right?

And every sunday we would go all the way to something like on normandy It was like an all-black church these people were so fucking nice But they had this moment where they did testimonials and they would speak in tongues. They would collapse They would you know, it was just a real theatrical You know time and because my sister and I were so thankful for them helping us we faked that shit My sister went to like fake convulsions and shit. She's like roll her eyes. Yeah Because my dad was like these fucking people saved your life fucking game on bitch like fucking Roll your eyes, roll your eyes

I genuinely believe when I see that's why that shit used to always make me feel weird as a kid Like suddenly you go to a church for like a couple months and then all of a sudden you speak 14 languages I got the fuck out of here, man. Yeah, so I didn't really like that part of it But so you're married you say no, I have a girlfriend. How old is she? She's 28 How long have you guys been together? She she works in production animation for uh For a animation company bento box bento box. No blur blur off of it. Yeah. Yeah. How long have you guys been together? Uh, two years and two months. Oh, that's great. Longest relationship yet. You love her. I do love her. That's amazing, dude

What's your language of love? Mine is physical touch. Oh physical touch. Do you know all the languages of love, sweetie? Tell me tell me you tell me What the fuck Is a language I'll tell you right now shut the fuck up for a second. Okay. Go ahead. Let me say it again What the fuck Is the language of love Okay, is it some hippie shit? I'm about to hear it now. It outlines five ways to express and experience love

I bet your money that my language isn't in there. Okay. I'll tell you. Okay. That's the name it so rank them rank them Okay, some people this is how people perceive love and sometimes okay. This is how big love is perceived receiving gifts number one quality time Words of affirmation. This is all one. No, these are separate Go stop go with number one number two and then say number one. You're saying it in clumps I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Go ahead number one receiving gifts That's one way you receive her love number two is quality time number three is words of affirmation

Number four is acts of service or devotion Number five is physical touch Number one, how do you know that I love? Oh, he said number one receiving gifts. What the fuck? Oh, now you know now You know what I give him I give him so many gifts and he just never even is it gives you what? Yeah, what have you given me lady? I've given you everything gifts as gift hands of spam that okay Damn it fuck like I gave you an iPad There's a diff do different. I know but he wants like very expensive things and I try to save up the money

And I buy him for you and I bought you one very expensive thing What was it you said I want the biggest beanbag because our cat had pissed on the other right? That was and I got him a six hundred dollar beanbag and he like was like, okay cool like heat and I so I know it's not gifts I know that's not how you you perceive love be honest, sir. How do you know I love you? Because I'll tell you how I know you love me. Okay is because I am such a difficult Poisonous sometimes Kind of person to live with and to deal with I look at my actions And I go what kind of human being can deal with this insanity and

And she's still here devotion and that's why I know she loves me then that's devotion that falls under was that a number? I didn't mean it's an act of service devotion. No, you didn't say devotion. You said act of service That's acts of service devotion. That's devotion. That's your language. That's my language of love is devotion. That's awesome Okay, that's like one of those little little fuck books that I actually really do agree with yeah I it helped a lot actually because she was words of affirmation and I always Complement her by calling her ugly and I just fucked everything up That's good, David. That's really good really good I don't like to get a pen I'm gonna write that right that down call her ugly

Because I had an issue of I could never compliment her the way she wants to be complimented So it was a matter of you can't do things the way you want to be talked to you have to do it the way They want to be talked to and I had to learn that so you know I would joke around like we would wake up in the model What's up ugly, you know, I'm clearly joking, but she doesn't want to hear that shit So she would just outright get mad at me. I never understood why I was like, yeah, I fucking love you I called you hideous. Yeah, I just never understood and then when she brought that book up I was let me see this fucking bullshit and I tried it and it fucking work. I was a holy shit So you do all five. No, you know what I do the main one

She's all of them, but she's the main thing is the words of affirmation thing. Oh like baby. You look so good today Yes, never hear that. Yeah, that you know what her hair is so flow yesterday. I dressed up yesterday And he was like who the where the fuck are you going and who you fucking like because I dressed up? Yeah, you he's like you're trying to leave me bitch like now here's how dumb you are sometimes The all that means, you know, if you could just you know if interpret it the right way is that you look good Oh, right. Yeah, but you're like what are you talking about? I love that shit bitch. Yeah, he's like, where are you going? And then he'll what did what did you say yesterday? He's like, why the fuck are you dressed up like that? She got gonna go see. Yeah. He was calling you hot. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and he's like, don't you're gonna fucking leave me

You're gonna come home. You're gonna fucking leave me, huh? That's what she said when we were watching Westworld last night First of you watch Westworld. I should give the basic premise. It's um, it's like a Theme park that you can travel to and we're a bunch of ai's live the horses are ai snakes are ai's the humans are ai's And you can pay to have whatever type of experience you want to have there Let's say for instance you go then you're like, I just want to kill eight people you can go and do that I just want to fuck hookers. You can go and do that rape treasure hunts You can do treasure hunts. You can have a whole storyline, but you pay for it. Is this a reality show? No, no

It's on HBO it's a show about at this particular theme park, right? Yeah, and I said yesterday that I would just want to pay a lot of money to get like a fucking train ran on me by Some ai's like I want to get gang banged by like 20 ai's. Oh, how did that make you feel? It's like what? Why did I say that though because you were like, you know what you're right I would probably live in one of those whorehouses is fuck ai No, I didn't do it. You're like what? No, that's not what I said, and you know what? I how dare you What I said was you know what? I probably won't wouldn't do anything like that I don't want to kill anybody or do anything like that and then you said I'd have a train run up on me or whatever gang bang gang bang

And so then I'm like what? Words of affirmation Like number one it's like, you know what if you have a little bit of brain you would interpret that as me telling me telling you I love you why Think about it, but um No training, that's like me telling you you're very attractive. That's how you fucking yeah, I wouldn't want to What would you do? What would you do in a world like that where you could pay money to essentially have whatever?

Alternate life you could have our alternate fantasy so I could do anything without repercussion. Yeah, so it's a Western world I'll keep that in mind so it's everything is Western and themes. You probably do what Asians did back then build a railroad Have an opium den sir So you can do anything you want. Yeah, you know, I think one of the things that I missed doing when I was younger is that you know when you when you're younger you could just uh You do things without thinking about what will happen next and I haven't hit somebody in a very long time So I would probably beat the shit out of somebody to my heart's content To death or to just sort of like just to get it out if they die they die

But there's no No consequences, they're not even really they do bleed they do bleed so you see the guts So what I'm asking you right now is that you think that whatever I did to an AI in that world no matter what it is It's fine Yeah, because you know the reason it's not fine is because it looks so real so it's still gonna affect your psyche even when you go home I don't think you're able to compartmentalize that experience from your real life So if you see that if you if you have a fantasy to stab somebody 22 times and you do that And you see the blood and the guts it's your brain and your body is still experiencing it as if it's something real

Yeah, it is a human face and everything so you're not able to leave to go home and feel nothing. Yeah So you have to be careful about what experiences I was thinking more of like I'm also creating the scenario Yeah, like my mom is Making kimchi somebody kicks a kimchi tub over Yeah, you know you can do that you know pay for that experience baby You know what I would you know what I would do I would do something that they even never even thought somebody would do Like I would just I would just walk around naked, right? Just walk around with this baby just his dick just wrapped around my dick and tape him with like an electrical tape and have just this baby

Okay, and then he becomes the guy you actually killed by Have to be yeah, but is that okay in that world? I mean, it's not even a Western theme. Yeah, they have babies in it They have kids in it. Well, yeah You know what I would have a necklace of like other like Babies dicks around my necklace that chopped them off. So I'd have a necklace of baby dicks with a baby on my dick And I would just walk around. What's that? Very visual human beings My god, Bobby, that's what you want to use your money on no, I'm just asking

In the movie in the show you you have to be rich to go. Oh, yeah, yeah, you should watch the show. It's really good In fact, there's an actor in the first episode the guy that plays the father. What's his name something Louis Louise Louis I Followed him on Twitter yesterday last night. One of the one of the best actors I'd ever seen Fucking good in the first episode it fucking lingers with you And he only has 2,000 followers on Twitter and I'm verified I know that it popped up on his thing his phone and he didn't follow me back

Maybe I want to get into this. I'm social media and since you're here we can Garner your insight. Yeah What do you think about people that use the app to get bots to follow them? So you can go up in followers, but like fake followers people know also How do okay, they have another app to add likes to it too. Okay, let me stop. It's that fan How did that he did 5,000 followers in the last two weeks. No, not two weeks three days. Yeah That's how do people know Because it's that fan

And no, but he had 7,000 followers. Uh-huh and now he has 11 or 12 in three days And like what did he do recently nothing? I looked at all his photographs to see if he'd been tagged by someone big to maybe like no Even if you get tagged by somebody big Twitter followers are one of the hardest to get because it's not one of it's not like Instagram Instagram it's very visual so people but it was on Instagram Oh was on Instagram, but I checked all his recent followers, and they're all what are his likes like 25 to 48 range, and he has like 11,000 that's wrong. That's wrong. Uh, that's bullshit. That's It's driving him crazy. No, I

What did I say today? I said I think I'm done. Yeah, he has to stop on stop following that fan Do you know the backstory of the whole that fan thing? No explain to David. I don't want to do it. I Just want to say that I'm done. Okay. Anyways, he has an obsession with that fan. No, I don't extreme obsession Don't say that out loud, babe Nobody listening to Tiger Belly please can ever say anything to him. Yeah Well, we got time Yeah, we're at an hour 10 That was longer than we've ever gone longest this guy

We have I want to say I was just the pleasure has only been mine. Oh only you Can I share that pleasure mine as well David? I thought I really felt like you were really good in this Oh, thank you you are a Strangest strangest body And face and just all about everything about you is just from a different time Different land and I enjoy it. Thank you. I'm proud to say that you're Korean I love my favorite thing are like irreverent Koreans irreverent a anytime

I see an Asian represent themselves in the way that's not By any to plug something the book. It makes me so happy in my heart. Oh, just want the question first or plug I'm gonna plug first. Go ahead plug Tomorrow man at midnight. Oh, yeah, he's at midnight. Oh, you're back on I Don't be I took it to a year. I Mean what what is it? Am I not relevant? Who are you going with Whitney Cummings? That's why Okay, congrats. Thank you. Let's go ahead. I'm hopeful advice with Bobby Kalala and Melonhead

Hey guys, I'm a huge fan of Tiger Valley and Bobby Lee in general. My name is Jonathan. No gear I'm 25 year old undefeated pro MMA fighter. I've had the most terrible luck in my dating life this year or so It seems like every chick I've dated lately has only been interested in me because the fact that I fight only I Came to the point where I don't even tell people I fight which resulted in me now getting no attention at all by any ladies What can I do to find someone who actually cares about me as a person than just wanting to be with me because I'm a fighter Oh, yes, how would you guys like to come to my next MMA fight in Bobby? How would you like to be a part of my corner? You have to be licensed the corner License it. I would love to be on your corner for a friend. Oh, okay. I want to say this right now to you my friend my MMA friend

Jonathan Johnny That every girl Is with their guy for some reason exterior reason Either the way they look what they do for living All those things come into play I don't agree with me, but I know for a fact. I don't disagree. I wouldn't she wouldn't be with me if I worked at Home Depot No, I wouldn't be with you if you made the exact amount of money, but I thought you were a shitty comedian I cannot be with someone who's not great at their craft, right?

So that's another thing it because it makes me another thing. So he's undefeated, which is what the thing is He's undefeated. He's a fighter. He's a fighter I don't know what he looks like, but you got to use everything in my opinion like I can't be with Polly Shore Don't say anything up if you fucking if you fucking ever fucking say his name again in this fucking podcast No, it's nothing against him. It's just I you don't even we're not talking about a race. I don't know my taste in comedy I'm not saying he's not great. I loved did you watch all his movies because I didn't in 90 I love it even in the army in the army now. I love in the army is like the French connection Yes, no, I'm not the jury duty is like

The seven samurai in my opinion Listen, can I just say something real quick Bobby before you fucking get up and go crazy? I'm not saying that My tastes what I find funny and a stand-up comedian is not him Paul Paul it's Bob your friend Thank you so much for all the things you've done for me and and my own you've treated me with Respect, I would not be a comic without you and your mom Thank you so much and I think you're an amazing person and I'm an amazing comedian and an actor

What my girlfriend says it does not reflect reflect my opinion my own opinion. They're strictly mine And also man that photo with you and Fred Durst that took she made me to yank it off of Instagram Okay, anyway, let's answer the question for you Bobby is that that was your answer. Yes What can I do to find someone who actually cares about me as a person? Just one she's gonna care about you. I think that she's probably you know the fighting thing if you're not in the 1%er of fighters, you're not making all that much money. So if she doesn't know that she's kind of a ding-dong, you know like you I Always say What is this I always say

Date someone who's gonna understand your lifestyle and date someone who is going to support you So because it's like being a fighter is very hard. You make no money. You especially like the earlier years It's a lot on your body. You know, you're putting basically your fucking life at stake, right? And but it's a part of your life So you can't not tell a woman when you meet her and you're interested that hey This is what I'm good at because you want to show what you're good at Connor McGregor's wife right When he was saying to her when he was struggling or maybe she's she's supported. Yeah, yeah

She's basically bought his lottery ticket He was a plumber when she met him. Yeah, but he was still had the dream of fighting, right? So she just so she you if he was just a plumber But he has that extra thing You know me it's like, you know, it's like if I had no arms It's just harder I don't know how you go. This is what you would do. It's like hey, baby. Goodbye your drink. No affirmation of touch. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Physical touch can't be my thing is I don't think that he should withhold that information that he is a fighter because you want to find a

Woman who supports his craft, right? But he needs to be better at screening women He's saying that women only want him because he's a fighter. That's not true though But then those women are easy to screen It's not that's not always also true. It's like people, you know when we first started dating people like she's On her Instagram, you're only with him because he's a gold digger or whatever, right? But it's like really have you seen what I look like Have you seen my lifestyle? She if it was just surface. She's out the way I live but also my farts can be smelled

To him Bakersfield. That's far man. It's pretty far. It's fucking far in fact. Eleanor when I did the podcast earlier today She told the story just now, right today. It was true She goes I she goes one time. I thought you sabotage me because I was on stage in the main room And you took a shit in the main room bathroom, which is you have to go through three different doors to get I stayed right and she knew it because I she knew I took a shit there and at left and she could smell my shit from the stage, which is fucking potent And it's a travel 10,000 yards, right? And that's and she's still here

That's how he ends it. What do you think what do you think I thought it was just a weird really weird statement that he said Um, um, that's the only thing women want me for a lot of young girls do they see fighter and they think the only Reference they have in their mind is like UFC immediately. I mean, you're an adult. You can't screen that for yourself That makes no 25. Yeah, you're a big boy. You can't screen that for yourself. There's also something wrong with you, man I don't fuck me up, but Don't be me. Yeah. Yeah, just get better at like knowing You know types of people I think that it comes with age It comes with experience and if you find the wrong girl and she fucks you over that's just all part of it

Yeah, that's just next time then you'll learn better. You'll know how to screen better And it's I think that it's okay to make a ton of mistakes when you're 25 And I think it's okay to date a lot of the wrong people at 25 So I think you should take your chances don't withhold that information because you're good at it And that's something MMA something you should be proud of and you know, you'll you'll date shitty ones, but that's okay That's a dany experience. Yeah, it's a experience like in and down the road Even when you're 40, you'll still meet you'll come across shady people. It never ends. You just If that's just how life works sometimes you just win it some people find their people at 25

Some people don't bobby it took 45 years to fucking find for him and I to to meet right and you know, that's just just You know trust in the in in the in the power of experience whether it's shitty or good That's what I have to say about that hashtag preach Uh David any shows or anything you want to promote twitter? Uh, just the youtube channel youtube.com slash david so comedy and also check me out at uh, just kidding news Nice, um bobby will be at portland helium this weekend thursday through saturday. That's october 13th to the 15th Next weekend at san francisco punchline

Um, I think just for two nights. It might just be friday saturday. I'm not sure um for more dates go to bobbylealive.com Um, you can find me on instagram and all other forms of social media at calamity k Make sure you follow us uh on instagram at tiger belly on twitter at the tiger belly And if you want to email us any questions, you can do that at uh, the tiger belly at gmail.com You can follow klila on her all social media of calamity k George on george brice doesn't have anything who's a murderer with googly eyes And uh, make sure you can check out gook sometime in the near future. When does that come out? Do you know uh, we're gonna premiere at sundance if it gets in if it gets in a premiere sundance

And you know, we can't obviously put it out if it's gonna go into the indie film circuit So until that's over then we will always think about always consider bobby because he gets salty I will consider him for everything now. Even if he says no and he yells at me Yeah, always consider him because he gets like real salty and sad. He's like, why don't they like me? Why don't other people like me? No, it's not that to me bobby lee is bobby lee I'm not gonna approach bobby lee and say hey, can you be in my film like to me? I've grown up watching him Yeah, so I get nervous, you know, I'm not gonna like that Asian pilot I did I was they were showing me like all the old casting on the fucking list

It was like, you know like the young Asian actors and they had for like one of my like my I guess like my mentor in it It was like bobby lee like nah, he wouldn't do it. I'm like do it. You tell you this guy would have probably done He would have probably done it. I feel like bobby so reachable That's awesome. I get so I think he's very approachable in that way. I mean obviously like It's always best for him when people go through like his manager and his like agency and stuff But sometimes if it's like a like friends like he's so open and he loves like doing stuff with friends So, that's awesome. It's just that you hear that so often with people that I'll hit you up. I'll call you Yeah, so that's true flaky. It's flake century, you know, but that's all we have for this week guys

Thank you so much. David for joining us. I was so much fun. David so and we will see you guys next week chow. Bye Bye. Thank you, David. David, you did it, son. That was one of my life groups. I'm not even kidding you like I when I found out that I keep looking around Well, first of all, there's Bobby making Bobby looking at me my right my fucking eye right there. I'll try not to laugh Oh Hey prime members, you can listen to tiger barely ad free on amazon music Download the amazon music app today or you can listen ad free with wondry plus in apple podcast Before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondry.com slash survey