TigerBelly - Episode 63: Rodrigo Rodrigo

Episode Date: October 19, 2016

Bobo has a mighty heart. Khaloko rolls off the bed. We talk OJ, turtlenecks, and national molestation day.   Recorded October 17, 2016 Music by Bobby Lee Instagram: @tigerbelly Twitter: @thetigerbelly YouTube.com/tigerbelly Facebook: thetigerbelly www.thetigerbelly.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

You're listening ad-free on Wondery Plus. Backers, are we starting yet? You're gonna do a countdown? You're gonna put all that stuff in? Probably not, right? Maybe a little bit? Maybe a little bit. Let me stop for a second. I gotta figure out how I'm gonna... Fantasy. Maybe a movie quote. Okay. Go ahead.

Five, four... Yippee-ki-yay! Three, two, one... Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker! What was that from? Diard. Yeah. That's right.

Welcome to Tiger Belly. $50 to you, sir. Welcome to Tiger Belly. I'm Bobby. We've got George Kimme. George Kimme. Kimme. We've got Gilbert Galendez. And we have Kalala Keele.

I love it. And I remember Kalala's birthdays November 1st. So everyone sent in some gifts. She'll be 36. She looks great. No. She's 23, guys. She's 23 years old. I asked him when my birthday... You must have just asked my sister.

No, I didn't. Or Jessica. What if he just knew? What if he just knew? You know what's so funny? It's so funny that she says this. Because I knew that this was gonna happen. And I shouldn't have done this.

But she asked me what her birthday was. And I pretended that I didn't know. Oh, God. You... Because you don't know. Yeah, I do. Is it not November 1st? Yeah, because you just found out either Jess or my sister who was just...

Nope. Or are both here. Why would your best friend and your sister tell me that? Because why would they... And then I forgot about it. I was like, I'm gonna lie. I forgot about it. And then...

And then surprise. And then... No. And then a couple days later I was like, oh my God. You probably thought that I was being serious. Because you were serious. And it happens every year. That's ridiculous.

Every day he's like November 17th. November 8th. November 4th. It just keeps going down. Even closer each year. Okay. That's an event in your life that you feel... You hold dear to your heart, right?

My birthday. Uh... What was the year... What was the date that the Down syndrome guy molested me when I was a kid? November 1st. No. November 19th. And you should know that.

Well, I remember your birthday. I know both your parents' names. Yeah, but that's not what I don't care about. I don't care about that. That's important to him. What I care about... Okay, I'll remember that for the rest of my life. Is one that Down syndrome got...

Fine. November 19th. For the rest of my life. And November 19th, everybody, I want you to send me a card. Oh, God. What kind of cards are we gonna get? Just draw... How about this?

November 19th, you send in a card and you draw a photo of a guy with Down syndrome molesting a little Asian kid. Okay. Because I feel it's very important to me. Okay? So, we all do that. Happy birthday, baby. November 1st.

I'll never memorize your guys' birthday. I know Georgie's. I don't give a fuck. Yours is in August. And then Georgie's is October 25th. So, I was in Portland over the weekend. And what a weekend. Good weekend.

What a weekend. Well, no, it's good and bad. There were some great things that happened. A Vietnamese person, a man, hipster, gave me a present and he gave me one of that fan's DVDs. You being serious? Yeah. Oh my God.

That's awesome. And I'm not gonna open it. I'm gonna keep it forever. And that's probably one of the best gifts I've ever gotten from somebody. Wow. I mean, that's right there. Respect 101. He has DVDs.

Yeah. And they're amazing. In fact, there's a quote in the box that says, you know, it says, along the lines of Richard Pryor, Sunset Strip, I swear to God. And I couldn't, I couldn't agree with him more along the lines of Richard Pryor. Yeah. It was called the DVD club did that quote, which is a respected. I mean, you, you think talking about rotten tomatoes, DVD, DVD club, man.

That's number one. That's number one, man. This would happen. And then also on top of it, some Tiger Belly fans, we had dinner with a Tiger Belly fan who's a couple. I saw the picture. Yeah. He had just flown from Osaka and he just, his flight was delayed in his final, his final

flight from San Francisco to Portland. He had just come from Osaka and he had written me and saying, oh shit, like we're gonna be late, you know, for the first show, but they made it right on time and we took him to dinner and they were really nice. Yeah. What's the guy? Do you remember their names? I know his girlfriend is Wynn and his name is Tori.

Tori and Wynn. Tori Wynn. Thanks for coming out. They were a nice little couple. And also I met a, those big brown types. Brown. Samoans? Yes.

Big brown types. Yeah. We, I had a Samoan opener in Portland. His name is Adam and I've never really been in a room with a Samoan before. Just like, and there's, it's a lot to look at the little brown titties that they have the guys. You're right. He had like little brown, Samoan titties and he was awesome though.

He's amazing. Very funny guy, you know, and, but a big guy, you know, I don't know if you know this is a, you want to hear a fun fact? Fun fact. When a Samoan drowns in the ocean, they call it an island. Oh. It's a little fun fact for you guys. You can live there.

You can live there. I like that one. Like if Adam like passed out and died in the ocean, there'd be little communities on his back. Palm trees. Living palm trees. Yeah. But, but he also did this for me.

He said, um, oh, first of all, also he went to eat with us every night and I, you know, I, you know, obviously I'm the headliner. I have to pay for it. But there's a little bit of a thing where you go, do I have enough money? Just a little bit like, how much does this cost me? You still think of it like that? Like the biggest guy that I know, but there's still a little bit like, how much is he gonna like?

What is he gonna order? What, what, what does he order? It's gonna cost me a grand. He ordered oyster shots. Yeah. About 50 oyster shots. Yeah. About 80 oyster shots.

Yeah. You wiped out a clan of oysters. A whole family. A whole family. Yeah. So that's the one thing. So whenever you're eating with a Samoan. Just know.

No, don't, don't say you're going to pay for it. Oh. Yeah. I just want to split this. Yeah. You know. But pay your portion, sir. Yeah.

Pay your portion, sir. I'm gonna sell my car. I really did. But he did something for me. He said, hey, have you seen these YouTube cartoons? And there's two of them. One of them was called Salad Fingers. I know that one.

You know that one? That one's pretty. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And yeah. And I'm gonna say this. It ruined me. Very creative. The scariest shit I've ever seen. Creepy. Yeah.

I hated it. And let's say I go to your house. Right. And we're going to go to dinner. Right. But you go, come on inside and check out this new cartoon. Yeah. This is how that's going to go.

So show me the cartoon. Hey, Bobby, check out this new cartoon I made called Salad Fingers. Okay. Here. I watched it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Don't do that again. Okay. It's so scary. Bobby, what do you think? Really good, man.

It's creative. I think Uncle Dong is here from Busan. Yeah. I forgot to tell you. Yeah. And so I'm just going to take up, but really good. And I would never call you again. That's how scary that is.

It's pretty creepy. There's just something wrong with whoever fucking made that. But it's a dicting. The sound of it is. I watched all of it though. It's sort of, there's something therapeutic about the sound of the way he talks in his rusty spoons. The one that I find to be creepier is don't hug me.

I'm scared. I'm scared. Oh, my God. That to me is more like panic inducing because like that one episode about time, like there's basically, yeah, just to tell people what it is. It's a, I think there's six of them and it's a kid show. It's like a three minute kid show, but it's always, there's a song, right? And it starts off like a regular kid show where there's a topic, you know, like in Sesame

Street, they say that we're going to talk about numbers or whatever. Like French friendship. Out of time. Yeah. So one of them is time, one of them has to do with creativity. Another one has to do with food, like being healthy. And the first couple of them is much like a kid show, but then it just, there's a switch in it and there's a darkness to it.

That's really scary. But then they, the third and fourth one are just, they just start off kind of weird. You know what I mean? They're, whoever did this thing is a genius, I believe. Because I've been looking at like, I mean, watch it for yourself, but they've been around it for a long time. A long time. Yeah.

And I just enjoy stuff like that. So thank you, my Simone friend, Adam for turning me under that stuff, but there was some darkness at the club too. And rarely do I perform and I'm caught off guard, rarely does where I'm speechless almost and I don't know what to do by heckler. So first show, Saturday night, it's going pretty good. And all of a sudden I feel a presence on stage and I look over and there is a white woman on stage and she hands me a phone.

Okay. So she goes, someone's calling you. That's what she says. Number one, I think she works for the club. And number two, Kalyla didn't come with me. She was going to come later. She was in Portland with me. She was going to come later, right?

So the first thought is, oh my God, Kalyla, you know, because I didn't know she had already been at the club, but I was on stage when she arrived. So my first thought is, what the fuck something happened at the hotel, you know? So I pick it up and go, hello, hello, and it doesn't work, the phone. And then I look down on it and it's not even a phone that anyone would use. It's like an 80s gigantic phone that you probably, the rich people would have in their car. It's like a Zach from Saved by the Bell.

Big ones. A huge one, which makes me, let me feel even more retarded. You picked it up. I tried to use it, you know what I mean, which makes me feel. And then she says, no, no, it's the 80s. They're calling to get your act back. Like my act was from the 80s or something, which makes no sense in the, I mean, but being sensitive, I'm thinking, this is Portland, Ron Funches is from here, maybe this is like,

so I'm too, maybe I'm like the mortall of, you know what I mean, Portland. So I go, what? She goes, no, I mean, isn't it funny? That's what she said. So I give her the phone back and I go leave. And then I didn't, and the room was sold out. I couldn't continue. I, you didn't, you couldn't continue because you were frightened that something had happened.

You already had it in your head that something had happened to me or your parents. So you were in shock. That's why you didn't have a good retort. Well regardless of what it was, I didn't have one. So then what I did was, and this used to, I used to use this years back and sometimes it works. You say, I'm going to start over. So I bring Sandy back on stage and then Sandy brings me back up again and I just started

from my act from the beginning. It works, right? No, it didn't work this time because the other thing was so awkward and weird that they were just, they were all frightened almost like, this is weird. So that, that didn't work. And then I just, and then the worst thing was I go, that fat bitch, I'm going to laugh at that because she was really fat. And the crowd turned on her.

They turned on me. How are they turned on? She said they fucking interrupted your set. They're sharp. It could have been a bomb. Right? So they were like, oh no. And I go, you fucking betrayers.

I screamed at them, which then usually makes them laugh. Didn't laugh. What the fuck is this crowd? Right. So now I'm in a situation where I'm in like orange, in the country when it's like, they're a terrorist level. What's the red alert? Or orange is pretty high up.

Yeah. I'm an orange alert. Okay. So then I go, I'm just going to get naked. That's my go to every time. So early. Yeah. Yeah.

Like I'm going to get naked. Like remember that movie red dawn? Like if Russia attacked or whatever, right? Yeah. And I was captured. That's what I would do. Just get completely naked. It's a coping mechanism.

It's a coping mechanism, it's a defense mechanism. And also they, maybe like it, they won't kill me and they'll just leave me as, use me as a court gesture. Yeah. You know what I mean? That's my gesture. Right. That's my go to.

I want to be the court jester. So I did that and then it was weird. Got kind of got a laugh at the end. I got backstage and then I was in a red zone and I feel so bad. But when I'm in a red zone, I just start fucking mothin off. Were you there? I was already there. Yeah.

And then I get, get the manager and then I say all kinds of stuff like, I'm never going to play her again. I'm going to call Mark the owner, I mean, all kinds of stuff, which to them is the worst thing that anyone can say. They just start panicking, which I'm not going to do on any of that really in real life. But I do think then that there should always be someone on guard watching the show who takes care of a heckler who walks up on stage because to me as a performer, yeah, just and then even security, but you know, someone who can, you know, delegate a room a little

bit better. You know, when you see a woman walk on stage with a contraption, that to me is that I would be on the defense, you know, to get the fuck out of here, bitch. Like, I don't know you. You're in my space. You know, also, I know certain performers, but she was crying outside. And then what? Yeah.

She's trying outside saying, you called me fat. Oh my God. I know, right? You got to be kidding me right now. No, I'm not kidding you. Yeah. So not only that, she fucks up my show, right? Blames it on you.

She blames it on me. Yeah. And then she said, she's accusing me of calling her fat, which I did. And I apologize. Yeah. But she, you know, got up, sorry for calling you fat, but let me tell you something. If you didn't come up on stage, I wouldn't even know who you were. And I would never call you fat.

You know, a lesson, good lesson learned for her, though. You can't heckle like that on a show. This isn't an interactive experience, bitch. It's not only that. And this standup is the only live entertainment like show, right? Where they just stuff like that happens and no one gives a shit. Like if that happened, if you're watching Wicked on Broadway, the green witches on stage singing a little tune.

I don't know. I don't know. No one mourns the Wicked. Yeah, that, that, right? I know. Of course you know. A fat red-headed chick from Portland walks up with a fucking phone. What do you think that would happen?

What would happen? She would be shackled and dragged by, yes, and that's what I wanted, but that didn't happen. Clubs don't do that. They don't do that. In fact, they don't. No one gets in trouble. She didn't get in trouble.

Like if somebody walked out on Wicked and Broadway, they would get arrested. Probably cops, honestly. Oh, honestly, right? Yeah. But that didn't happen. That's, and that's also too far. I'm fine. Okay.

But, but my, my concern is this is that I always yell because someone like Brian Regan who is probably one of the best comics in the country, and I know the guy, he doesn't like dealing with audience in that way. He doesn't, he does his act. If people yell it out, he doesn't, especially in the early days, never really acknowledged it. He just kept going and that's what it's supposed to be. Because of all these B rooms, see what happened in the nineties was comedy became a, it was

a boom in the early nineties, late eighties, early nineties. You could turn on the TV. Well, first of all, in the eighties, it became such a thing that every town had five or six comedy clubs. You can make millions of dollars. Damn. But what that did was it made, you know, your next door neighbor want to do it. So then you had a bunch of people that shouldn't be doing it in the fucking first place doing

it. And then all of a sudden, you know, in the nineties, it died. But because you had such bad comics doing it, the audiences, right? They didn't know how to behave. So when you, when a B room is really awful for what's a B, a B explains everyone what a B room is, B rooms aren't bad. I've done them before. I used to do them all the time, but basically they're clubs that have more road comics.

So a road comic is somebody that really has never been on TV. They just kind of do the road from gig to gig. And their jokes are generally about airplanes, driving, things that are like meat and potatoes, meat and potatoes, observational. But a lot of them also are very dirty, you know, and they also like riffing with the crowd. They go in and, you know, it's combative sometimes. Some of them have catchphrases like Shucky Ducky, you know who that is?

There's a comic named Shucky Ducky, road comic. And he would tell a joke and in between the jokes, he would go, Shucky Ducky quack quack. Right? But the crowd would go Shucky Ducky quack quack with him, right? And he would sell out because it was a bunch of, it's African Americans, loved them. Interactive, yeah. You know what I mean? It's Shucky Ducky quack quack.

Shucky Ducky quack quack. Baby, baby. Shucky Ducky. You know, Shucky Ducky's coming. You know what I mean? I'm not saying, I'm just out of bad accent. But you know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's another one named Hamburger. How does that, what does he do? He goes Hamburger and the whole audience goes Hamburger and they giggle. People like this? Yeah, they love it. They sell out. But because of that, you know what I mean? You go on stage and they go, gook time, say it.

And I gook time, so my catchphrase, but do it, do it. No. That's not my thing. And then halfway during your show, you find yourself going gook time, you know what I mean? Everyone's going gook time, right? And because audiences are conditioned to do that. But like an a room has guys like Kevin Neal and guys that have been on television tonight show have reps.

They have, you know, it's an A list a room. I mean, do I? Is that sad to say? No, because that's a real thing. I B rooms exist. Those are, they're called B rooms. Yeah, they're called it. It's not in the comedy community.

That's what they're called. The actual room. It's more the people on the lineup. But the problem with. And they don't pay their performers a lot of money. A lot of time. They pay them $100 a show. They treat them.

Headliner. And the performers have to pay for their own food. They're not taken care of really. Oh, that will, that. They're not put up, right? Yeah. You find your way here. You know what I mean?

So you get in a car. A rooms are different. We'll pick you up from the airport. We'll pay you this amount. Flight. Hotel. Hotel everything. It's like it's the whole package.

They treat their performers well. The percentage of the door, you know, it's just the way it should be. Because it's the hardest thing one can do. And if you can do it, I'm not saying that I'm talented. I'm just saying that I've been doing over 20 years. And it's like, you know, if I'm going to do it, I'm going to make money. I want to make money. And Harvey's was a club in Portland for 30 years.

It was a B room. Helium wasn't there. The place I played. And what happens is if you only have one comedy club in a city and it's a B room, that's what they're used to. To the people. The audience is conditioned to be rowdy and I see you're saying, yeah. And to treat the performers the way the club treats them, which is like shit, like shit.

Okay. So five years ago, helium opens, which is an A room, but it was so difficult to play. I was there the first six months. It opened. And I remember on stage every time going, Oh, I'm never playing here again. This is terrible. But then the next time I came, I gave it another shot. It was better.

And then over the years you see, and now it's a legitimate, amazing room. It's a great club. It's the first of the Portland. I mean, you, it's one of those cities where you want to move there, you know, the people that look like you, not in terms of Asians, but in terms of like history, like, you know, they can teach you things about denim. Yeah. They can teach you about music and bicycles.

Is it very much like Silver Lake? Yeah. They have great donuts, like hip street donuts, where they put like pork bits in it and basil and a doughnut. Right. Yeah. Blueberry basil from Blue Star. Yeah.

So it's a city that should have many A rooms, Ron Funches from there and not saying that lightly, Ron Funches is a black dude who's the future is funny, very funny. So, you know, but, you know, that happens Saturday. So you know, you, it happens every once in a while, but it was just really weird, you know, but the food was amazing, the doughnuts. Our flight there was very interesting in one way. So we weren't sat together on the airplane. This is fucking going to drive me crazy right here.

What happened? And I sat maybe he was, I sat maybe five seats behind him and it just so happens that the guy next to me was an attractive, like bearded rider from rice, like he wrote for vice because I like peeked over it when he was working on and he wrote, you know, he was an attractive to tall bearded and the whole flight over Bobby kept looking backwards at me and he kept doing this. He's like, bitch, I see you flirt. Yeah.

I yell it. I yell it. I don't. Yeah. I don't. And he looks back and he's cheating on me. Yeah. I had to let him know that she's taken.

Yeah. That she's mine. Yeah. It was so awkward on the plane when we all like de-planed the guy was right next to me and Bobby obviously like met, you know, met us up at the front of the plane and he was just going off. So you fucking cheating on me, bitch. Yeah.

With that guy. With that guy. I was like, oh my God, let's just go. Because if you don't do that, if you don't do that and I turned around, I just kind of stuck to my guns. He might have a little number. He might have done a number of things. So guys, if you're listening, you know, obviously I'm your life coach and not everything that

I say, you know, I'm right. Everyone listening right now, you know, I'm right. You have to claim your shit. I'll give you an example. If my iPad, right, was like five seats back, just laying on an empty seat, I'm going to go, that's my iPad. Let you know. I know it's there.

Did Bobby Lee just buy a seat for his iPad? He's rich. Oh my God. If I was rich, I would do stuff like that. If I was rich, I would buy like two coach seats, would put a real doll in one and like a little teddy bear in another and I'd buckle them in and then someone goes, can this old lady sit right here, sir? Nope.

Oh, because you're 75 and you should have made money in your lifetime. Oh my goodness. And he's ages. Oh my God. Okay. No, it's truthfulness. Tell him what you did to my nurse this morning. Oh, here's another one.

Why a nurse though? Why bring it up? But now I'm going to put them on the fucking spot. I was in the hospital for an episode this morning. No big deal. Big deal, but no big deal. We've talked about it before. It's okay.

Just to let you know, in the last three years, Kalala, she has a heart condition and sometimes we have ambulance at my house. We go to the hospital a lot, the emergency room. Okay. Also, my dad being sick, I've been in the hospital there. I've been in the more hospitals in the last three years than I've ever had in my whole lifetime. Okay.

It's crazy. Okay. It's called life. Okay. People listening to me right now, right? Everything down to what I'm saying. Because you know I'm true. I'm your fucking life coach.

And so I know how nurses behave. This motherfucker, every two minutes, UK, right? Touching her. I think this monitor is broken. Is the guy from the plane? No. Yeah. It's the guy from the plane.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm sitting right there looking at him doing it. He was cute too. Yeah. He was like half white, half Mexican, I think. No, no, no. He was some sort of like...

He was like bearded. He was cute guy. Samoan. Yeah. All right. Well, go fuck him then. For starters, let me paint you a picture of exactly what I look like this morning. Okay.

This is another argument that we're going to have. It was... I mean... I woke up mid-sleep because I couldn't breathe. So already I'm looking crusty as fuck. Oh no. The blood is drained from my face. My lips are chapped.

Pale. I'm pale. My face is looking disheveled. God, you're so stupid sometimes. I was not... I'm telling you right now, like you would have been like... You would have been like that, like put some fucking chapstick or something on. That's what you would have said.

All right. I want to say this. I wasn't looking very great. Are you done, baby? I'm done. Okay, good. May I say this? Because we had this argument in the car driving back, okay?

Is if Anne Hathaway, who has a very pretty face, especially in her prime, Anne Hathaway. If she wasn't wearing makeup, right, and she had just woken up, and I saw her in the hotel room getting coffee in my head, and I didn't know who she was, in my head, I wouldn't be like, look at this ugly bitch right here. No, as guys, we can tell when a woman is just genetically pretty, even without the lights and the whistles. Okay, I get that. I get that.

And I do believe there are a lot of women who look very pretty, and I don't find myself to be particularly ugly. I think, okay, yeah. You're very pretty. Fuckface. I know. And thank you. And thank you.

But in this particular moment, I just wasn't. I was looking like a very pale Stanley Tucci, and you say it yourself, I look like Stanley Tucci without makeup. She only looks like Stanley Tucci when she's sleeping, and she has her head back, and she looks like, you know, Stanley Tucci from the core. From the core. Or something. From the terminal, wasn't he?

Yeah, he was the terminal. He's been in a lot of things, and he's a very talented actor. So young Stanley Tucci. Yeah. I'll take that. A young Stanley Tucci. But anyway. So this guy.

I just want to let you know. I'm watching. He was like, I'm going to confront him. I'm going to confront him right now. Yeah. And my heart was already not feeling good, and I was like, again, you have to throw it out there. Claim it.

Claim your shit. You don't go inside your heart and go, you know what? I'm going to let this slide. No. So I had him. He'd say hi to me every once in a while. I wouldn't even look up from my, I was playing video games. I was just kind of doing this.

You know what I mean? As if I was above it. Yeah. Like, I know what you're up to, friend. Right? And this is what I'm doing. Okay. Because that shit is stamped.

It's right. Because he has to put leads all over my body for the heart monitor, so he has to touch part of my titty. No. He puts it on the fucking nipple. I'm sure it doesn't supposed to go there. He puts it away. He cut with whole body.

Right on the nipple. He put the lead on the nipple. It's not supposed to be there. And then he caresses it with extra, like, sticky ointment. Okay. He's trying to make moves. He's making moves. What the fuck?

Yeah. And I don't know what your name is, friend, but I'm on to you. Hospitalist. Oh, it's Kaiser. Kaiser. Well, there you go, Kaiser. Check your employees. Check your employees.

He was more than professional. Bobby creates things in his mind. No, you weren't. You should go back to school and figure out, you know what I mean, all that stuff. He's threatening to fucking follow Saul again on Instagram. Yeah. Saul is like my ex-boyfriend who was- Can I ask you this, guys? May I ask a question?

Yes. So, if she has an ex-boyfriend or somebody she used to see, am I not allowed to follow them on Instagram? No, absolutely not. Why, though? Look at me, Gilbert. Why? I would say it's okay to follow if he's not bothered by it.

It's just creepy. No, because I'll tell you why him. Because he made fun of you for dating me in the beginning. In the beginning, yeah. Oh, and there's beef there. Yeah. I think I'm allowed to follow him. But why would you follow him?

Like, what would you get from that? Because he's like, he's not the guy from, he's not the guy from, uh, I don't fucking that, Mongoloid. He's not the guy from, uh, Spangobo, and the hymn is dumb, you know, Spanish friend. And then when he got hurt and he had to retire from soccer, I laughed for two fucking straight days, Saul. Good. He made fun of you.

He made fun of me. All right. What's he doing now? Oh, I don't know. I don't know. No, he threads, you know, the soccer balls. He's soccer ball threader. Oh, he's a soccer.

He makes handmade soccer balls. He's a soccer ball. Yeah. Yeah. He's artisanal. What is he going to do? Not play soccer, obviously. But you can't follow him.

I think, I don't think that's just socially the right move. Do you follow any of my exes? Of course not. Sarah Highland. Have you Googled them? Have you Googled them ever? If I met her and I think she seems like a nice girl and we were friends, yes. That would probably, I would follow her then.

Christine. Of course not. Now, if I met her and we became friends, then yes. Yeah. But for no fucking reason out of nowhere, that's just fucking weird. Yeah. Okay. So don't do it.

You don't do it. You don't do what you're doing. He threads soccer balls. Are you serious? No, no, no. You don't do what you're doing. As of late. Thank you.

What? As of late? What am I doing? You're getting fucking sex eyes to everybody. You don't do what you're doing. I won't do what I'm doing. Okay. I know the thing I like to talk about is we've been watching OJ made in America 30 for 30.

It's a 30 for 30, five episode documentary. Six, I think. No, it's the sixth one is like a extra special feature or something and it's riveting. Number one, and I'm going to say something and I've said this before. I didn't know who he really was. I thought he was a nutritionist. You know, he played football. No, I knew that he won a high, but I thought that was like, um, I didn't think it was football.

I thought Heisman trophy was like a nutrition or what's that guy that want the high, you know, the, um, the war the scholars get and like, oh, you thought that Heisman was a noble that was Heisman was like for like nutritionists. Awesome. Like, I didn't know who he was, right? So you watch it and you go, oh, this motherfucker right here was a star, legit, like a legitimate sports star. It's true because when, when I watched it, I was still living in the Philippines.

I must have been only like 10 years old, 1994. So yeah, so 10 years old and it was such a huge deal that it did make it all the way to the Philippines, but I couldn't grasp the enormity of who OJ was until I watch a documentary. I knew you was a football player because all I really had seen a man, I don't even think I'm retarded. I'm a part of society, but for someone living in the Philippines, all we really saw of him was naked gun. Yeah.

You know, so I thought that he was the actor naked gun and that he played football once upon a time, but this documentary shows just how much America loved him and especially white America. And what the documentary does geniusly, is that word geniusly? I don't know. Just obviously make it up then genius is that they, um, these episodes are so long and the reason why they're long is they also explain what is exactly going on in the country at the time.

Right. So, um, it starts off in the 60s and then you had, um, the civil rights movement happening and then you see OJ and he's just basically a white dude and he doesn't want to get involved in the civil rights. He says, I'm not black or white. I'm OJ. Yeah. He wanted to transcend race, right?

So he wasn't an iconic, well, during the Watts riots, during the Olympic, um, protests when those guys did this, um, you know, he wasn't an iconic black figure in the way Muhammad Ali was. They asked him to, they asked him to be that spokesperson for like basic for, for, for, you know, black activism. And he was like, no, I'm OJ first and he wants to transcend race. And I never want to have people look at me and see a black man. So he basically was the most uncle Tom of all uncle Tom's.

He was protected by this bubble of white people who lived in LA, who revered him so much, who put him in movies, who he, he was, there's this one shot. I don't know what episode it is, but he's dancing. He's in a tuxedo. Oh yeah. And he's synchronized dancing with a white girl who's wearing this blue dress and they're just kind of dancing and, and, and, and also the footage is really glossy, you know, and he just looks like a complete sell out, sell out.

And the craziest part about all of this is that he wanted to transcend race, right? He didn't want to be part of the black community yet. When the trial started, he fucking pulled the race card like no one's business. All of a sudden it was like the LAPD is against a black man. And they painted that picture because at that same time the Rodney King riots had just happened. So like there was a lot of, um, you know, there's a lot of tension between cops and the black community at that time. So when those four cops got acquitted for beating Rodney King, all black people wanted

to see was we want one of our brothers out to, you know, acquitted, they wanted the system. They wanted to go out. Let's see, you know, if the system backs up this guy. Yeah. And that's what Johnny Cochran did. And he was like, it's crazy because he was a black activist lawyer. And I mean, they had to have known OJ killed Nicole, but it's, he meets Nicole at 18. Yeah.

He, she was 18. She was, she was a waitress, you know, and he literally beats the shit out of her regularly for 12 years on the regular, like to a point where there's cops going to their house constantly. But protecting him and protecting him because he's OJ. Yeah. And there's photos of her, like her eyeball is out of her face and you know what I mean? And they're giving him a warning or whatever, right? But, um, but he's not the worst person in the documentary.

Oh, that's right. I'm going to tell you who the worst person in the documentary. Oh God. That bitch. Oh, the girl. Yeah. There's a girl, girl. So, you know, Rodney King, what happened, the four cops beat the shit out of them.

They went to trial, whatever, right? But it was an accumulation of events that made the riots happen. But the second thing that had happened was a teenage African-American girl walks into a liquor store. Like 16, I think. 16. She gets in an argument with the Korean woman, still, still on her. So the black girl turns around to leave and the Korean lady shoots her in the back of

her head with a gun. Kills her. Kills her. And then the lady gets acquitted. She gets acquitted. And she does that whole, what does she do, baby? The Koreans do this thing with the, you know, she's in court. They show it.

I don't know what's going on. They're fainting. I'm about to faint. Oh, the old Asian faint. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh God. You can listen to see how you go. You know, like.

Speak Korean. Speak Korean. Like as it, and then white people, they just go, oh. She's old. She's old. Speak English. Yeah, she's vulnerable. And it is a black girl, so, you know, they quit her and it just, you know, it just brought

back my aunts and my resentments toward Koreans. I have deep resentments with the racism. With the racism. Yeah. I, um, as a comic, I say things, see jungle Asians a lot, I make fun of different races and stuff, but at the end of the day, we're all equal for sure. Heartbreaking too. I just saw that she got acquitted or even when those four guys got acquitted for beating

Rodney King. Oh my God. Just like people crying outside. There's a scene. Okay. So they get acquitted, these four cops. They show this black man, older black man, and he's watching the, you know, the results on the television and he's crying.

As soon as you see that, I literally just started crying. It's heart fucking breaking. It was as if society had just turned their backs on all black people. On all black people. And this is how fucking big of an asshole OJ is. Remember when he was going, he was trying to evade police and he was in his white Bronco and he was trying to like kill himself. Black people rallied around him.

They were on the streets and they were like, white people too, white people, kids, white kids. No, but this is how shitty he was to the black community before he pulled the race card. He, they all went to Brentwood to the area where he lived, which is a very affluent area, very rich. And they were like free OJ. They were rallying against him and finally the police got him in custody and as, as they were driving out, all these black people were saying, free OJ, free OJ.

He told the cop, he's like, what are all these niggers doing in Brentwood? That's how fucking white and uncle Tom OJ was. He had, he had no love for his community yet when the trial started, all of a sudden he was this, I'm a black man just being hate on by the cops. It's, he is so hateable to me. I seriously, I think that's why I had an episode because this morning is because I watched the fourth episode of the documentary before I went to bed. It was the same time when all the, your heart stuff happened.

No, this, I just watched the fourth episode last night and I think I went to sleep angry or something. Yeah. Yeah. OJ's face was in my mind and he was so smug in court when Johnny, every time Johnny Cochran would speak and like cross-exam like any of like the witnesses and stuff, he just had this smile and he would like look at the jurors and wink. It was just because the jurors, the jurors were eight of them were African-American women.

You know, and they, and one of the jurors insane that you would, it's too much as a prosecutor like how are you going to win? It's eight black women. Also you should put in the context of the riots and all that other stuff that happened and you know, the police, the trust between African-Americans and the police, that all should be in play when you were choosing a juror, but I want to say this though, any guy listening to me right now, if you're in a relationship, I urge you to watch this OJ trial documentary made in America with your girlfriend because it kind of makes you look

like a really good boyfriend. I mean, like, you know, you, you're, I'm watching with Kalilah, right? You're just like, and like, OJ kicked the shit out of Nicole because she said hello to him and then looked at Kalilah and wanted to say, you say hi, hello to me all the time and you get hugs. You know what I mean? She, her hair, her hair was pulled out because she expressed her opinion. Me, have a do a podcast with me, baby.

And then she gets hugs too on top of it. You know? What kind of man, I'm fucking boyfriend of the fucking year. Yeah, that's a good one. Watch this. Exactly what I'm saying though, but look at me right now, okay? It could be worse for you. God damn it.

You want, you're alive. Okay. You're right. I'm alive. You've never beat me. I've never beat you and you're alive. Yeah. And also I give you, I give you scallop dinners.

All kinds of shit. You had scallop dinners this weekend. I know. I didn't have a single scallop. Really? Is this ESPN? ESPN. You can also watch it on Hulu, I think now.

It really is well done and they're an hour and a half a piece. It's just a good history lesson if and if all else. It is, I mean there was a documentary about the Crips and Bloods that Stacey Peralta did that was really eye-opening to in terms of like why the Bloods and Crips developed and because there was all these factories that African Americans moved to South Central because there was all these car manufacturing companies and then when that all closed down, they moved obviously like they did in Flint in Michigan. You know you have a city and a group of people relying on a certain job and then when that

thing goes away, it just destroys everything around it. And that's just, now we're getting into politics and about big corporations and about the bottom dollar and it's really fucking, capitalism is the worst. Fun fact. Yeah. We were watching TV, we were watching CNN in our hotel room in Portland and here comes like a newscaster, a handsome black man wearing a turtleneck that looks very, very, very good on him and Bobby turns to me and he goes, hmm, maybe I should buy a few turtlenecks.

In serious. And then she, she, she, okay, I'm going to say this, I don't think you would ever do this. See, there's nothing funny. No, no, no. Just imagine him in a fucking turtleneck. No, no, no, no. That's not the funny part.

I laughed so hard I rolled off the bed. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All of the image of him in a turtleneck to me is just the funniest thing ever. Like that could keep me entertained for the next 80 years of my life. Like if I'm having a bad day and I just picture him in a turtleneck.

Okay. Okay. Okay, okay. You cross the line. You just cross the line. Let me see something right now. Okay. That number one, you've never seen me in a turtleneck.

True, that's okay. I want to see it. I know. But you've never seen me in one, okay? So you're making assumptions, there's an image in your mind, they may or may not be true. They may or may not be true. And number two, it's not as if I was gonna go,

I'm gonna go to the Gap and get a fuckin' turtle. I don't even know where to buy one. Yeah, where do you get those? This black guy just kinda look, when black people were turtleneck, they looked like theatrical. Like act, oh yeah. Yeah, they looked like Vespians.

I've seen those, yeah, Vespians, yeah, Vespians, yeah. So I go, that's a pretty good look right there. And I go, maybe I should wear it. And then as soon as I did that, she rolls off the bed and she does convulsions as if it was the funniest she had ever heard in her fuckin' life. And that's, I'm offended. Bobby, I am pleading and begging.

All right, anyone listening, I'm gonna go buy one, so go send me a fuckin' turtleneck and I'll wear it. November 19th, send Bobby a turtleneck day. November 19th, on molestation day, and also on molestation day, and also I will wear it for the podcast. Just to prove that I look damn fuckin' good. Damn fuckin' good.

But that's crazy that you wouldn't even say something like that, baby. Oh my God. What? Have you worn a turtleneck? I, yeah, of course I've worn a turtleneck. They look spectacular on me. Wow, bold statement.

I'm just a really good boyfriend. Watch the documentary. I really am. I may just watch the OJ documentary, guys. I mean, this weekend I took her shopping. I bought her a nice jacket. Ooh. Right?

Vintage one, too. Yeah, vintage one. And I just give her good meals. And I'm just, man, do I get the same? I don't know. The one time you just wanna, you know, think about a turtleneck. Right, because yesterday was our anniversary.

Official. Official, Kalala and I. We spent it in the hospital. And she said the most special, no, before that she'd said the most selfish thing I've ever heard in my life. Which was? I'm gonna tell you what it was.

So last night, you know, I've been on the road. Okay, I don't know if you guys know this, but Tuesdays and Thursdays, I'm not allowed to play Destiny. Mm-hmm. It's the arrangement that was made. Mm-hmm, arrangement, yeah. Because relationships are all about compromise. Write that down.

Life coach Bobby. Mm-hmm. Guys, listen. So last night, anniversary, and I go, I'm gonna go play, baby. I was also, I've been on the road. I couldn't play this weekend. I was in Portland.

From Thursday, too. She goes, it's our anniversary. First off, he didn't remember, of course. Yeah. How selfish is that? That what? That she wanted me to cuddle and watch something with her. When she knows that my Destiny time

has already been cut into. By Portland? By Portland, and also these two fucking hell days, Tuesdays and Thursdays, you know? Cause I'm a good person. Yeah. I mean, right back me up. Yeah, let the man play.

No, yeah. Look at her. Go look at Colette. Ati, let the man play. Do you need to be cuddled, Ati? I see where you're at, Gilbert. No, I wanna buy you food after this. I'm gonna buy you so many cakes.

She loves cakes. So, Ati, Ati, listen to what your little nephew says. I love you. But you know what, baby? I found the text of you asking me to be your girlfriend. Yeah, this is beautiful. Read it. No, keep talking, cause I still have to find it.

She has to find it. Oh, well, that's happening. You have seen Minute really quick. What do you guys thought? People don't like listening to it. Well, people have been clamoring for it. Cause of the big names. Go ahead, go ahead.

What do you guys think of Rhonda Rousey coming back versus Amanda Nunez? Is she a good matchup or not? No. Really? I think it's gonna be. If she can't beat Holly Holm, she can't beat Amanda Nunez.

But this different style matchups are different though. Amanda goes forward. No, Amanda. Rhonda loves that. No. It was Rhonda ever shot for a takedown. True. Yeah.

Amanda Nunez, Amanda Nunez. Nunez. Nunez, whatever her name is, right? Is in terms of striking the best striker in that division. But was it against, was it Kat Zingano who like took her down and she's- Poked her out. Yeah, Amanda Nunez is supposed to be a black belt, right?

But it's, she's far better than she was then. You're right. She has leaps and bounds. Leaps and bounds. She's different. And she is just the Tate fight. That was impressive. I mean, Misha Tate and Rhonda's fought, right?

Rhonda's beat Misha twice. But not in that manner. Yeah. I never really felt like Misha was ever top caliber though. Like compared to, you know, like Holly or even like Nunez. You know, I always thought she was beatable. Yeah. You know-

Smart though. Smart. Good fight IQ, just not naturally the same- Rhonda hasn't been in the octagon since Holly. She's been shooting her movies. She's been doing a bunch of commercials. And I'm sure she feels pretty good about herself. Meanwhile, there are women in the, like Johanna.

Grinding still. Grinding. And if you're in the sport of MMA, especially when you're in the UFC, do that. Just do that. No, I get that Connor did, was in that game, Call of Duty. Call of Duty. But he turned down a big movie offer, triple X,

to fight Nate Diaz, like what you said, don't do movies. He will do it in his own time when he retires. And I believe that Connor will be good on film. He has a good face. You know, he's not gonna be in a romantic comedy. I mean, he'll be next to Sylvester Stallone blowing up a factory or something. But, you know, he will, he might have a film career.

But Rhonda has been out of the game. I just don't see it happening. I think that Amanda is gonna destroy her. She's Amanda. Amanda's very good. I don't like her attitude. I don't, it's not like I like Amanda. I like, she's such a humble girl.

No, there's a couple of things she's done as a suspect. Such as? Why? She fought, she fought some girl, that one girl. No, she fought a girl and she was beating her up. Magazaki, what's up, Ref? Steve, yeah, Magazaki. Stopped it, but she wouldn't stop.

Oh, Steve Magazaki. Yeah, Steve Magazaki, yeah. Right, and then she did it with Tay too. She was on top of her, she got tapped out and she held it for two more seconds. There's something wrong about her. Something about Brazilians that like to do that. I think it's easy to get caught up in that,

you know, just in the intensity of it all, that that's an easy mistake. I mean, look at a guy like Roy Nelson who's like the nicest guy on earth. And when he knocked out, who did he just knock out? Bigfoot. When he knocked out Bigfoot, you know, the ref, it was a late stoppage,

but he probably threw in three extra shots and after the fight, he was so upset that he threw in. Hicked. Yeah, he actually had to throw it because when you're in the middle of all that intensity, you're only thinking to finish. You're not thinking to, you know, you're trusting the ref to get in between you and that guy.

Yeah. You're relying on the ref, that's the ref's job. You're right. Okay. She might not be a bad person. I'm just, you say she's going to win. She will win. I want to read this text now.

Really quick. Do you want Amanda or not? Or Rousey? Hold on, I want to grab a little. I want Rousey to win. I do. I want- I do think she does win.

I think that she already has done so much for the, for the sport. Dana White still considers her the biggest star that has ever come out of the UFC and I want to see her redeem herself and come back as a newly refined version of a champion. Okay. I like that storyline for myself, you know?

Cause I did get a little bit kind of turned off a little bit by her. And, but I think that she is such a talented girl and I think she's a great face for women's sports. So yes, I do want her to- Before you read this, I have an announcement to make. Yes. I have a family member.

Am I going to say what is? And their boyfriend slash girlfriend left. Go back. Broke up with that person? Yeah. He's, he or she's going through a breakup. This close, very close family member of mine. Mm-hmm.

Not going to name who it is. Yeah, go ahead. Who's dating somebody. Mm-hmm. That somebody broke up with my family member friend. I mean, person. Oh, you're not making any sense. Your family member is going through a breakup.

No. Abandoned. He's being abandoned. Yes. He or she's being abandoned. He. Okay, he. He is being abandoned by a woman.

Okay. Who left. Okay. And I'm telling this woman, get your shit together and go back. That's all I'm saying. And you just made a, what's up? Why are you rolling your eyes?

I don't know who you're talking about. My brother. Who you're talking about. See, now I was going to keep it as family member, but you just did that. But I know who you're talking about. I'm just pretending like I don't know. So that you wouldn't say it.

God damn it, Bobby. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Stay out of his fucking business. Stay out of it. We're not talking about it. Okay, all right, all right, all right. Good. Good.

I like that. That's why I kept saying he or she. Of course I know. Oh. But I was trying to. I thought you were asking. I was trying to make it work to clarify. Stop that, because you know people did,

it's not the right time for that, Bobby. Let him deal with his own matters in life. You know what? No. No, no, no. We're not talking about it anymore. Nope, we're not. I'm not going to talk about that,

but I'm going to address what you just said. Okay. Listen. Listen to me. Okay. And I want to do it to the camera, inside the camera. Listen to me right now.

Okay. I tried. I know you did. I tried. I'm going to listen. Listen, okay. This is an election year. Okay.

Sorry, that was really funny. If you, if I'm being real, and I'm saying things from the deepest portions of my mighty heart, write that down. Deepest portions of my mighty heart. I like the deepest portions of my mighty heart. Yeah, yeah.

Write that down. All right. Give me the fucking pen, sir. I'll write that down. You can't memorize it? Deepest portions of my mighty heart. I mean, just stop, stop, stop. Okay.

If I'm expressing the feelings from the deepest portions of my, I don't like it anymore. No, no, no, no. Please keep going. Mighty heart. I would like to be taken seriously. And all three people in this room cackled up,

cackled at me. It hurts. Look at me. Okay. Look at me. Okay, I'm sorry. So anyway, this year is, look at me, George, when I'm saying this.

And if you smile, I'm done. Anyone, you're smiling. I'm done. That's a smirk. Okay. No smirk. No smirking. This is an election year.

And it's crazy. There's some crazy things going on. But what it should all also do is remind us as Americans that we live in a free country. And I'm done editing. I'm done not exercising my right to say whatever I fuck I want.

I thought you were gonna stop at not exercising. I was like, yes, he's gonna start working out. What? I thought you said, I'm done not exercising. I'm like, yeah, I got happy. And then you said, you're right. You know what? Just because you're done.

Well, we are timed. Listen to me. I'm not done talking. I have another fucking topic to cover. Just because. You really upset me. Just because you're done editing doesn't mean that other people in your life,

including family and friends, are done editing. And it's not your job to out, you know, specificities about their life and their troubles and their heartaches. Yeah, but so I can't say, then I can't say, hey, little message to my friend, can you go back to my brother? Yeah, he loves you. He loves you.

Why can't I say that? You can. Well, then there we go. Go, let's go. Okay, Olin, there's a text from our anniversary. That's an anniversary text. I don't know the context of this text, okay? All you said in the text was maybe I'm Filipino at heart,

except I wouldn't eat duck fetus or sell my liver to the black market. I love you. You are gonna be my girlfriend, okay? Yep. Damn, that's bold. That's great. That's great.

Isn't that amazing? Then you responded. Only if you eat balut, which is duck fetus, and you said fine. And that's how it happened. And that's how we got together. Holy shit. That's a text right there.

Yeah, I don't mince words. To the point. You say how you feel. We have one life, everybody. Okay, so you have another topic. What topic is it? On our way to the airport, we had only been running off of an hour's sleep

on our way to LAX and we were in an Uber. And I look over and Bobby's like slouched over this way. And he has a very, very guilty slash kind of like aggressive look on his face. And for no reason at all, out of the blue, he starts naming names. I didn't know what these names were. He names guy names, Gary so-and-so, Alan so-and-so.

No, no, no, no, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Arya Stark? No, no, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. I know exactly what you're talking about right now. And remember this. You can say whatever you wanna say. Cause like I just said, we have to exercise. We have to exercise our right.

I'm done editing too. But I'm, all right, you're not gonna, all right. But I'm gonna, but there's a little clause. Is it, oh yeah, disclaimer, disclaimer. Disclamer, yeah. I can say whatever I wanna say as an American, right? And we can exercise our right to do that. But also, I'm gonna say this to my people,

right, men and women, there are consequences to what you say. Okay. But always remember that. Yeah. Go ahead. If you think about what you're saying though. I'm not gonna be specific. So he starts rambling off these names.

And then, and I was like, what the fuck are you saying? And exactly what he's saying right now. I'm done lying. I'm done editing my life. Those are all the names of guys' dicks I said. And there's like eight of them. Wait, why were you just doing it though? Randomly, like we're on our anniversary weekend.

Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. At least it's not editing. No, for no, it wasn't eight. I sort of fucking got it, you know it wasn't eight. It was six. Plus two cousins. No, no, the cousins are involved in the six. I don't know, Bobby.

Turn the mic up, I'll tell you what the names are. I don't, please don't. All right. It doesn't change the story or what I think about you. I didn't sleep. I don't like when you say sleep. I wasn't feeling, you know, I was,

you know, when you're tired, you just get delirious. I looked at her and I go, you know what? I'm gonna tell her everything. So I first named, yeah, so I just named names. These aren't the right names. I'm just gonna say how it sounds like. Johnny Stewart, you know what I mean? Franklin Jones, David Symbian.

David Symbian, I like that. Ricardo. Arona. Manny. Ricardo Manny. Ricardo Manny. Ricardo Arona. Yeah.

Rodrigo Rodrigo. Yeah. Yeah. And she goes, what? And I go, that's all, that's the list. Of what? Of all the guys that digs us up. And helpful advice with Bobby at Kalyla.

This is from Bob. Hi, Bobby Kalyla and Gilbert. I am 21 year old guy from Canada. I'm sort of a new listener, but I grew up watching Matt TV as a kid. Now here's my problem as of last year. I became wheelchair bound, but my whole life I had been relying on standup, so I wasn't stressing

over what to do with my life. But now I don't have any confidence left. I booked a gig at Amateur Night and got cold feet and backed out because I kept feeling like I would get pity laughs. It just freaks me out that people might only laugh out of pity and not at my comedy. Okay.

Arona, he's on a wheelchair, he's wheelchair bound. Wheelchair bound. For the rest of his life. Yes. Okay, I wanna, I know exactly what to say. City feels lost, yeah. Okay. When I started in San Diego, the manager

of the comedy store was a guy by the name of Fred Burns. He had spinal bifida. Spinal. Spinal bifida. And he had crutches in a wheelchair. Couldn't walk. Crutches on a wheelchair. Yeah, he had the double thing.

Which is very difficult to move. Geez. So he was using crutches wheeling his wheelchair? Yeah. I'm like, Fred, choose one or the other. Don't say, don't. I wanna make it harder. I like the challenge.

I like, yeah. So, but he was voted like the funniest comic in San Diego many, many years in a row. Very funny guy. One-liners. There's another guy named Chris Fonseca. He lives in Colorado. I don't even know what the fuck he has.

I mean, he literally can't, he just lays down on a thing and he can't move his arms or his legs. So they just put the mic to his mouth. Oh. I think he has what Stephen Hawking's has. Which is. Retarded. I was like, it's called.

Definitely not retarded. Scientific work. I'm pretty kidding. I don't know why I just said that. I'm so sorry. That's all right, man. But yeah. Is he like ALS or something like that?

Yeah. And then there have been a lot of people. There's some type of degenerative. You know, I know comics that have arm missing, you know? And it's like, you can do a couple of minutes on it. But if you can somehow just do, you know, get people on your side by saying some sort of self-deprecation.

Like, you know, Fred's opening was, I can't dance, you know? Or something like that, right? People are like laughing or whatever. And so I would do it because I know like Chris Fonseca, you know, he's been on television. He's done a bunch of stuff, you know? And people, sure, you know, maybe some people go,

he's just trying to get pity laughs or whatever. But listen, I'm like, I can walk, but you don't think that I get pity laughs? I'm a weird looking dude. I rely on that, you know? It's like, not all my whole act is about my body or the way I look. But I don't feel, I feel like I'm a handicap also.

And I feel like it's your dream, do it. Because no matter, even if you're like handsome white dude, you're still gonna get criticism. You're never gonna escape criticism. So do it. There's really no, yeah. There's no other, really, there's no joke to it. I'm just saying, I can't even believe

that you would email us about that. If it's something that you truly desire, whether it's carpenting or engineering or comedy, if that's what you wanna do wheelchair or not, just fucking do it. And let's suppose you get pity laughs once in a while. When you get good, you're not, that's not gonna be the case.

Just get good. And also, it's not because you, it's fear. It's the fear of failing. It's not the fear of being perceived a certain way. Because it's, will it be harder to do? Maybe. But that's what the fear is, I think, of life. Let's also consider the fact that this is a 20-year-old kid who now, who's been walking and his whole life,

who's been mobile his whole life. Let's consider the fact that all of a sudden, he no longer has use of his legs. And that transition alone, even just psychologically, without comedy aside, psychologically, emotionally, that has to be a heavy burden to carry. The thought, I mean, just you at 20, think about it for yourself.

So I think that, you know, what I hear in the email is not the question of what can I do? I think I'm reading a sense of sadness, like an almost desperation or fear that maybe he can't, he doesn't feel like he can do it. No, you're gonna do it. But you're gonna, and you can't. You're gonna do it.

That's okay, I'm gonna, you're gonna do it. Listen, what's his name? Bob. Bob, if you don't do it, you're a pussy. You gotta, you're gonna do it. And you're gonna get good at it. And that's all I'm gonna say about it. And anyway, I'm in San Francisco.

This weekend. At the punchline this weekend. Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Thursday, Friday, Saturday. And I'm very happy about this podcast. It really is a blessing. I enjoy it. The last couple of road dates I've hung out with

Tiger Belly fans. And they're just a little different than my regular fans. They just know me more for some reason, and I really enjoy it. And they're cool. They're really cool. And cultured and funny. And just like nice, nice people.

Like I never hesitate to give them like a hug. I don't know, you just feel safe. Yeah, and Calila's gonna go to San Francisco with me, right? Am I? Yeah. Do you think that it's safe for me? Yeah, they have hospitals there too, lady. Okay, then I am going, I guess.

Okay, so join us. Yeah, do you guys wanna come? Anyway, I love you guys. Any other dates though, Calila, after? You know what? I just found out that Bobby will be doing St. Louis Helium, November, the weekend of November 18th. He might have a date, another date in November

that might not be confirmed yet, but I will keep you guys posted on that. And then in December, he will be back, or maybe late November, early December, back in San Diego. What? With my sister in the room. He got scared, he thought that. Dog like left, ran away.

Yeah, he thought the dog was gone. That's never happened though. Like with dog ran away. No, I'm a good mom. Cause you're the, yeah. Gilbert, come on. Yeah. But yeah, I think that's all we have for this week, right?

Yeah, some announcements. George, you wanna jump on the mic and give a shout out to some of our Reddit folks, or give us some information on that. Oh, I just wanna shout out the subreddit, please go. Please embrace yourself for this voice that you're about to hear. No, not you. Every time I hear Reddit, I'm like.

No, no, it's getting better. I'm on there as official, pink dick official. So you can even chat with me. What do you feel, George, when people like talk shit about me, Gilbert or Bobby? Like what does it make you, does your, do you get sad for us? Or do you just see it as very objectively, like,

that's just. He's great at arguing, so he'll always find it. No, I get real defensive, but then I don't want to reward anybody with like, by talking with them, by giving them that attention. So that's my difficulty is I wanna just, yeah, destroy people, let them know the truth. But then I'm like, nah, you don't deserve the attention.

Let's keep it all positive. So I'm bringing positivity to the subreddit. So if you haven't been there in a little while, guys, come on back, reddit.com slash tigerbelly, pink dick official, I'll be on there, try to be on there on Fridays. Is there a question you said you wanted to propose? So let's do a question of the week.

Should Bobby be allowed to follow Kalyla's ex-boyfriends on Instagram? Give us your thoughts. Wait, should we put it on Twitter as those polls? You could also put it as a poll, yeah. That's pretty funny. Like a voting, they can vote, right? Yeah.

And depending on, okay, and depending on the result of that is going to dictate Bobby's next move in life. You guys get to control Kalyla and Bobby's relationship. This is just awful. I don't know, I'm not co-signing to this at all, actually. That's just weird. Do you follow any of your significant others, sub-question, do you follow any of your significant others,

exes? As your real Instagram, or do you follow them as a troll Instagram? Yeah, like Trey and Lydia. That's a good one, George. Good one, so go to Reddit, check that out, and go talk to George on there. And let's shout out our PO box again,

since we talked about it a bit. 1626 North Wilcox Avenue, number 161, Hollywood, California, 90028. Remember, November 19th is molestation day. Molestation day? What if that picks up, Steve, and people are like, there's a fucking molestation day? And it links it back to our fucking podcast.

Imagine if it overrides November. Oh my God. It becomes like the new big thing. Like national thing, molestation day. Oh, that's hilarious. So, remember, sure, there's gifts for that, so. Bobby wants, for sure, he loves gifts. He asked specifically for-

I want to see him. For turtlenecks, yes. We're gonna get so many turtlenecks. I want them. Please send, I need to see Bobby in as many colored turtlenecks as possible. And what's your size, Kalaila? My size?

I'm a small. Okay. Or a medium sometimes, depending on the brand. And then also, Kalaila's birthday is coming up, so feel free to send gifts. I'm always very extremely depressed on my birthday because that's when the clocks fall back. So the sun sets at 4.30

and I have seasonal affective disorder, so I get really mopey and sad. But you guys have to drag me out so I can do something fun, because I'm gonna resist. And while she's dragged out to nature, why don't you send some hats over here so your hat can get featured on Tiger Ballet. Do you know how many hats I got this weekend?

Like three or four. Is that a new one? The one you're wearing right now? No, not this one, but another one. I got some really cool hats from people and they're just so fucking sweet. Yeah, so if you guys send any hats over to the PO Box, Kalaila will wear them and it could be featured

on Tiger Ballet's YouTube channel. Anything else? No, that's it. And we thank you guys for listening. We love you and we will see you next week. Ciao. And before we say it fully bye, make sure you follow Tiger Ballet on Instagram at Tiger Ballet.

Make sure you follow us on Twitter at The Tiger Ballet. And if you wanna email any questions, you can do that at thetigerballet.gmail.com. Bye-bye. Hey, Prime members. You can listen to Tiger Ballet ad-free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen ad-free with Wondri Plus in Apple Podcast.

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