TigerBelly - Episode 74: Panic on La Cienega

Episode Date: January 11, 2017

Bobo stalls the rental. Khaloko doesn't blow smoke when smoke is needed. Gilbo is eating again. We talk Meryl, man school, and long lost families.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

You're listening ad-free on Wondery Plus. Music Music Music You and me, we live in harmony, Gilbert is a fatty. There we go. I like it. Welcome to Tiger Belly. We got Georgetown USA here. We got Gilgill. We got Kalyla. No guest tonight. It's fine. I like it that way sometimes.

I want to start off by saying what happened to me yesterday. Yesterday, I had to do a show on Comedy Central called The Goddamn Comedy Jam. Basically what it is, is comedians, they tell a little story about a song that they like, and then they sing the song with a full band in back of them. And I was probably with one of the last people. I asked to do it because I think they were trying to get bigger people. They got pretty big people. So here's the deal. It was me, Sarah Tiana, Colton Dunn, who was on Superstore,

but he also was a writer on Mad, Chris Hardwick, and Fortune Feamster. And the biggest note that I had from Comedy Central, and the only note was, do not show your dick. Can't say that to Bobby Lee. That's literally the note from the top of Comedy Central. Please, all week, do not show your dick. Oh, specific to you. Yeah, no, it wasn't just to... it was just specifically to me.

In fact, they would keep bringing it up. Like, hey, just remind you, you can't show your dick. And I go, all right. Got it. Got it, you know? I heard you. Don't kill the surprise. Yeah, I'm not going to show the surprise.

So I show up, and number one, it's a pretty big deal, a lot of pressure, because, you know, it's a new series. They're putting a lot of money into it. And the money that I got was pretty good. I'm not going to say what it is, but for one show on Comedy Central, it's like the most amount that ever been paid for something. And I'm thinking to myself, what the fuck? It's not easy money, because I had to do days of singing lessons.

Oh, took lessons. Oh, I had a voice coach. Well, after they heard me. They were like, wait. Yeah, they heard me Tuesday at a rehearsal, and they were like, I would start singing, and you can see them, everyone huddling around. What the fuck do we do? We can't fire up.

So they go, you need to take a voice coach. It was me and Marion Lynn Rice Cub that had to take a voice coach. I think she volunteered. She wasn't forced. I was forced to. I watched the show, and I watched all the performers go up. Yeah. And I feel like it was unfair to you.

No, let me finish though. So this is what happened. So I show up and I'm last. So they all go up and then the last, the two before me was Tiffany Haddish. She's on the Jorah Carmichael show, but she's also extremely talented. Like she is so confident about her comedy abilities and as a singer. And she went up in front of this packed fucking theater and she rocked the fucking house. Standing ovation.

Oh, damn. Right? Yeah. Standing out. You follow that? No, no, no. It was like 10. I started sweating because I was like, oh, because you knew.

He had to go after her. No, no, no. So that, so she goes up there and I'm sweating backstage. And I, I, I turned to Colton Dunn, I go, I made a mistake. You know, so you'll be fine. But I go, well, Chris Hardwick's going up. I don't know if he's a singer. No.

He goes up there, tells a very funny story and then he, he, he goes, he goes, he starts talking about something and then all of a sudden here and he's going to play with me. What? Don't say his name though. Why? But it was a special guest that he brought in like a real rock star. A real rock star. So he brought someone to help him.

He had an assist. An assist. But not only did he have an assist, I did not know. Chris Hardwick can fucking sing. He can sing too. He can sing too. Right. So that's already two for two.

Two for two, right. And not only that. Like he would have made it as a rock star. The guy, the guy that did it with him was the guy that wrote the song. Well, that's ready. That's a home run. Right. So they're up and I'm in the back going, I don't know what I'm going to do.

So I tell my story. The story part, I thought I crushed it. She doesn't think so, but. Because you didn't tell the story. It doesn't matter. You wrote. She wrote my story. Yeah.

And like not a single word. It doesn't matter, but I, did I not get laughs? No, because you did your part of your act. That's fine. I don't give a fuck because I had to survive. And I want to, anyone that's a Tiger Belly fan, when it push comes to shove and you're up against the wall, Papa survives and I'm going to live. So now I'm into the song.

Okay. It's going. Okay. I think it's going. Okay. You do not. You think so. The singing part.

How many days did you have to rehearse? Two. You don't like the singing part? Well, I thought that for you on, for your level. Yeah. You did great. Okay. Well, that's.

You exceeded. And when she says. At my level. But you were doing some really desperate moves. That I thought was for sure going to, you know, get you in a stretcher because you were doing some like joint, like actual arthritic joint popping, because I think that you were so intimidated by Chris Hardwick and Tiffany Haddish. Yeah.

You were doing some offbeat shit. Like you were doing a leg drag across stage. Yeah, I did a leg drag. I don't know what the fuck that was. Like it was actual, like his bone disjointed from his like pelvis and he was doing like some weird. And my body was like saying, and I could feel it going, you got to do something. It wasn't a mental thing.

My body was going. Survival mode. Yeah. Survival. Right. So confusing. Oh my God. I did some crazy weird.

Got laughs though. I don't know. It got something. It got something. And then. So then next thing I know. My gigs out. Oh my God.

I mean, I, I don't know what happened, but I, my pants were down and like, and I was only going to do it for a split second at the end. Like a flash. This is the end. So I'm just going to flash my dick. Yeah. The song kept going. It wasn't over.

It wasn't over. The song wasn't over. So now my digs out. The song's not over. So now I start swaying back. Yeah. I mean, with my dick out. Right.

And in my head, I'm going, this is it. This is the last thing you do for Comedy Central. Enjoy it. And so now, and then in the song ends and I'm not even, I don't even leave where you're just, I couldn't, you didn't see me. I could have died. What do you mean you could have died? Because you're supposed to leave stage, the back door, whatever the entrances or whatever.

I don't know where it is because I'm naked. My dick is out. So I hop over the actual stage and there's pipes and spikes sticking out of it. Bobby, what do you do? Yeah, I know. So my dick could have fucking fell off. So then I still have the mic in my hand and I wander downstairs thinking that right. And the first guy I see is Chris Hardwork is like, wow, I go to me and he goes, wow.

And I go back, I give them Mike and then I get a text from the executives on my phone and they go, wow, your dick looks really bigger on TV for the executives. Yeah. One of the executives and then I went upstairs to see everybody and they all were totally fine with it. Oh, it was amazing. But the crowd might have not been like, I actually saw a woman clutch her pearls. Now, after a collective gasp and you look around, there was a woman in the corner just

like, oh, she was so frightened. It's not fair because Fortune and Fiendster used Natalie. What's her name? Are you okay? Are you supposed to give this stuff away? Yeah, it doesn't matter. It's going to air soon, right? They already texted.

Instagram did already. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Or did you? I was, no, they already Instagrammed it. Oh, okay. What's her name? What's her name?

I just don't give it away. The Dixie Licks lady, Natalie. There was some performers there. So she brought country stars. She brought a country song that wrote the song. Chris brought it Rockstar. And then the black ones like Colton and Tiffany doesn't count. Why?

Because they could just, they already know how great singers. I mean, was that racist? No, who are you trying to bring? Nobody. Nobody wanted to do with me. Did you ask? No. I didn't want the Rod Stewart to even use my song.

That's why she had to write a letter. That's right. She wrote a letter, dear Rod Stewart, you know, and then because of her letter, he approved it. But anyway, you know, everybody could sing but Bobby, like you could tell they had some actual chops. I, you think you really think that, uh, that fortune femurs are saying better than me? Is she real singer?

Her story was so strong. I know. But do you think her singing was better? Oh, it was fair, I think it was probably on par with you actually, but she had brought in a rock star. She didn't assist. It doesn't even, when you say, I thought my, everyone thought my singing was good. I'm just trying to be like an honest voice.

She's the worst. She's so not, honestly, like, you know, I want her there always and I said, because she was sick all week. So I go, you have to go. I'm sick. And then when she shows up, she's so critical that even if I thought, I thought I did a great job. I was like feeling high off of it.

I was like, Oh my God, I survived that because people like were like complimenting me. But then she just goes, your star, your story was disjointed. You didn't prepare your singing was not that great or the worst one of the night. And then you're just kind of going, well, I didn't say you were the worst. Are you kidding me? I was highly entertained. It's just that Hollywood is just a community of fucking people who blow smoke up each other's asses all day long.

So I don't think that you can be constructive and you can grow or improve if some, if people are just constantly tap, you know, patting you on the shoulder and saying, good job. Like that's, you know, at some point, someone's got to be like objective about it. You're right. And I really like that kind of thing because it's, you know, I do like it. It still hurts and it gets sad about it. I just want you to be a little bit more disciplined in the future in those stories, those stories that people told were really well prepared and yours was a little bit more disjointed.

And I can tell because you only took a day to prepare for that story. You know, and that's the story before. Yeah. Gilbert, I fucking already told you that that's what the thing was. Oh, the same. Okay. I know if you tell a story and you tell them why you're singing the song, right? So now I'm a bug against a wall.

I have to follow two heavy weights. I did kind of have more of a specific story, but in my head, I'm like, I just, I'm on survival mode. So I cut a lot of my mind and I did my act. And then I tried to, just the first three minutes, two and a half minutes were jokes I do on stage because I needed to get laughs. So I was killing. I think that I, in terms of response, my standup was, yeah, but you, that's part of your

right. It doesn't matter. I know I cheated. I'm a cheater. I'm a cheater. So then I, then I tried to segue my act into the story. It felt a little stretched, but I did what I thought I had to do under the fucking circumstances, man.

I was fucking under fire. You did fine. No, I did great. Okay. Yes. I did great. You did fine. I did fucking great.

All right. All right. You fucking unsupportive lady. You know why she's like that? Because her mom was so hard on her. No. Yeah. Her mom was hard on you.

Yeah. It's not that she was hard on me. She just never gave me any praise, but she also never gave me constructive criticism. So I, I didn't, it was just, you know, when you were younger, she was in a bad place in her life. So it was just automatic abuse. Right. You know?

So that's, that's all I got. I never got any type of positive reinforcement that just wasn't a part of her repertoire. But I think it's just her being a young mom and, but no, I noticed it a lot. You observe it a lot amongst, you know, people and they, did they play the Hollywood game a lot? I'm a fan of yours. You're so great. Good job.

And it's always this like fake positivity where can I make an argument though? May make an argument. I don't think it actually is that way with a lot of comedians. I think comedians roast each other a lot or a little bit more objective with one another. Sometimes I'll, sometimes I'll know a comic that doesn't really like me or I don't know them that well. And so I'll throw out a fake compliment just so that I can kind of shatter that surface. I'll give you an example.

And this is, I mean, I did it a couple of days ago, but I want to name the name, but I'll just give you a different example that this didn't happen. Like if I was hanging out with, if I saw Aziz Ansari, who I'm not, I, you know, he's nice to me. We've talked before, but you know, I'm not friends with him. I respect him. I like him. He's talented.

But let's suppose like I'm in a situation with him, like in a party, a man, I just love you dude. You know, you were great in parks and rock. I've never seen it, but I would say something like that. Yeah. That's an icebreaker. That's like, that's, and then they go, yeah, babe, but that's different. Yeah, I love it.

Yeah. I'm a liar. Yeah. I'm a full bull liar. But you're not, you're not friends with him. I'm saying like friends are even lying to each other in this industry. It's like no one's, you know, no one's very transparent, you know, everyone's kind of trying to climb the wrong and, you know, I don't know, I don't, I mean, like if my stand

up friends, like Eric Griffin, they don't float, they don't, they don't, I think Eric's always very honest. Eric's so almost. Is it like you? Like kind of like. Eric's probably me times 100. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Like, dude, your, you know what I mean? Your timing was fucked. Eric's great. And then you're like, what? You know, I'm not like that with my friends. We don't share cute co-things. I told Crystal, I've never seen undatable. Crystal Lea.

He goes, what? I just don't want to watch it. And that's how we are. Yeah. But I'm talking about in Hollywood, I think like it's like this in any part of the world or business or anything where you will say certain things just to get a leg up in a conversation. I think that is not a bad thing. It's called being polite.

Of course, Bobby. That's not a bad thing at all. You don't approach someone you don't know and saying your, your work is shit, man. Yeah. And then try to strike a conversation that way. That's not what I'm saying. And I think that also in my head, I, I, I visualize how things are be, are going to be cut together on the show.

Right. And in my head, I go, you know what? It's going to be fine when they cut it together, you know, because they sweeten it. We don't know what the order is. And so all that. I just hope they do a slow mo on the leg drag. It was like the opposite of, like, what is it that Michael Jackson do? The moonwalk.

The moonwalk. It's like a, the opposite version of that. If you can imagine. Yes. The Mars Walk. I did the Mars Walk right there. Yeah. I made it up.

Yeah. On the spot. It almost looked like he had a leg cramp and he just started walking and dragging his leg. Or that's impressive too. And then, and then, you know, I wanted her to come to the show last night, but she brings her gypsies. My band of gypsies. You brought the squad.

She bought three gypsies. Jenna. Some of them had crystals in their pocket. Jenna. No, not Jenna. Oh. One of the hippies had fucking crystals in her pocket. Shady.

Shady. Yeah. They're, they're my gypsy. My band of gypsies. That's fine. But they could have jinxed me too. No. They made him do the leg drag.

Yeah. They loved him. They did it. Maybe. They were much more supportive than me. But I want to say something about Josh Adam Myers. And if you don't know who he is, okay, he is the executive producer of it. He created it.

And Josh Adam Myers, I don't know if we talked about on the show, about Angelo Bowers. I've ever mentioned Angelo Bowers on the show. But we can retell the story. Well, I'm going to retell the story, okay? So, years ago, I met a kid named Angelo Bowers, he was an open-micer. One of the best joke writers I'd seen in a very long time. For that level of a guy that hadn't made it yet and was still doing the open-mic scene, very good.

And just like non-secret war, secular punchlines, like really drastic switches, you know, really good writing. And so, you know, it was when I was with Maker, George. So I brought Angelo in with Mickey to get him a job there. That's how much I believed in this kid. He was a fat kid from Modesto and just the nicest guy you would ever meet. In fact, he was so poor, I took him to El Cholo, which is a Mexican food restaurant. And he was so grateful for the meal.

He ate everything on the plate, not just even the parsley. The relish? Even the shit that like... The garnish. The garnish. Yeah, yeah. He cleaned the plate. I remember that.

It's like me. So, one day, he calls me, his mom calls me. His mom calls me and says, hey, Angelo wanted me to call you. He's in Modesto now. And I'm like, why? And he said, he has cancer. And it fucking fucked me up. It was like, what?

He's 24. Yeah. You know? He's a nice kid. And he spent a year up there, chemo, the whole thing. And his best friend is this guy, Josh Adam Myers, who created the show that I did last night. So a year later, I get a call from him and he says, I'm coming back into town.

So on a Sunday, I met him at the comedy store. It was an open mic night. He went up and I go, hey, Tuesday, I want to bring you back into Maker. You know? And he goes, yeah, yeah, cool. So Monday night, anyway, so let's cut to Tuesday morning, I get a call from the manager at the time. Now he's the talent coordinator, Adam Egett.

And he goes, are you sitting down? And I go, yeah, and he goes, Josh and Angela were in Josh's Jeep and drunk driver hit them. And Angela died instantly. And he was on blood thinners because of the chemo and stuff, whatever. And he bled out. Josh was in the hospital and he was fucked up. Not only did he lose his best friend, but he was in critical condition. So everyone, I mean, every, every comic was at the Cedar Sun Eye.

So this kid overcame cancer only to get killed in a car accident right after the day he comes back from LA, right? The strength of also Angela Bowers is this, is that even though he was an open miker, when they did, we did fundraising shows, right? The improv one, Sarah Silverman, Rogan, I mean, Harlem, these are people that didn't even know him. I mean, A list stars that didn't even know Angela Bowers just because of the word of mouth showed up to his like fundraiser.

They made a lot because his parents were wealthy. Yeah. They were poor. And so now we would go to the hospital to see Josh and he, obviously he was fucked up over it for years. How many, how do you deal with that? Not only did a drunk driver hit you, but here's another thing that just what I heard from Josh a couple of months ago, he would, when he went to the trial of the kid that

killed them, killed Angela, the drunk driver. And apparently his sister, you know, yeah, but, you know, I got a key, I guess she was in the car or something. And he goes, I got a bruise on my leg too. So like made it like, you know, I mean, tried to like, and it's like, number one, it's like you killed a really talented nice kid. So go fuck yourself. People are just, you know, they're just trying to like money or something.

So here's this guy, Josh, who, you know, he's an open micro. His best friend died. This and that. So he starts this, this thing where, you know what, I want to do this thing where I, because I like rock and roll and they did it for years in LA, the show, the show. But it just kind of builds and builds and builds. So last night I told him, my God, it is just an amazing thing to see where you were. And because he was all fucked up on drugs and all that stuff too, you know what I mean?

And to see you go from there to executive being an executive producer of a show that you created that you stuck by with for many years is so inspiring to me. So yeah. So that's why I did it too. I did it because of that. And I thought I did a pretty good job. But Kalaila begs to do it. Yeah.

And you know what? When you guys see the fucking thing one day, you be the judge. I, you make it seem like I'm just not a supportive person at all. No, I'm not saying that. No, she usually is except for last night. Yeah. That's specific. I want to say that for last night she was, she wasn't that much.

Yeah. That's so much. Not so much. I only had a few brain cells working. My, my fever was getting away. Yeah. I've never seen Kalaila in the three years we've been dating this sick. Yeah.

Why are you so sick? Fuck, bro. I never get sick with a colder flu. Never heard your voice like this. Well, that's the thing. It's because I never catch the colder flu. I generally have a very, very tough immune system, but I, you know, I got hit hard too. Like I was a violent cough, but I'm fine.

I'm fine. It's no big deal. You're getting better today. I have a question for Gilbert. Are you, do you want to be a chicken for Halloween next October? Is that what you're trying to do? Get skinny legs and a big body or? I walk into Bobby's home.

I greet them. Bobby looks at my body from a distance and silence and goes, you're a chicken leg. It's because I'm wearing skinny jeans. That's not why. Yes. I've gained weight in my body. My gain weight in my butt cheeks. And my thighs.

What's happened is this. I only noticed your face. No. Well, thank you. The body talking about my fat face is when you gain weight, you're going to, I think your legs, I think your legs have AIDS. I do. I think your legs, you're the first probably.

Leg AIDS. Leg AIDS. Yeah. Because your legs look so nimble and sick and skinny, but your body is now getting fat. You're not the first person to say that and rehearsal the other day for the CBS showcase. There's a scene called we're men where all the guys take their shirts off and I refuse to take my shirt off. So then I, the producer was like, Gilbert, just take your shirt off.

It's just a rehearsal. What's going on? I lift up my shirt. She goes, wow. You look so skinny with clothes on, but you're so fat with your shirt. Yeah. What's going on with you? I'm just not eating healthy.

You've been on the go and you've been very busy. There's a lot of, there's a lot of pizza. I eat, you know, when you go to these things, all the catering food. Yeah. I see people bring their own lunch. The other actors. I'm like, I'm too lazy to do that. So I eat the pizza.

Gilbert, when this whole CBS showcase is over, you're coming with me to the gym because I refuse to have you get fat and sad again. Is Bobby going to come? Yes. I signed him up for the gym. I did a movie. You signed up. I signed him up.

Do you know who Brian Teas? Yeah. He's like an agent. Yeah. Yeah. He's fast of yours, but he's also on that new NBC, like Chicago. Oh, Chicago man. He plays a doctor.

Right. So I did a movie with him once and for lunch, you know, I'm at catering and he brought a little clear bup container with kale and two slices of little chickens. But there's free food. I know, but that's what they do to stay disciplined. I've already accepted on fat. This is the look. But you.

I'm dedicating my life to this look. But you know, this is his max, his max is never, he's never, his body cannot physically know. No. It's impossible. It's impossible. His genetics won't allow for him to pass 175 pounds. I've never been 175.

I'm 165. Get it right. Yeah. Get it right. Get the fucking scale right now. Wow. George, it's in the kitchen. Go get the scale.

Go get the fucking scale. Oh my God. Oh my God. 172. No. You said 175. And I said 165. So let's see where we're at.

Who's close. Okay. If you lose, if you go over, right? Right. Whoever is closer. Yeah. Wins, right? Yeah.

So what is the bet? Have you eaten today? Yes. You just had a Jersey Mike's. I bought it. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you fluffed them up.

Okay. Here. Let me. No, no, no. I got it. Right. There it is. We have.

So what is the bet? Okay. So what's the bet? If he, if I'm closer, if I win. Flacks. Flacks. No. Fuck this.

Flacks. Flacks. Flacks. Yeah, but I don't feel. 30 whacks. 30 whacks. His quacks don't hurt me. Oh, I'll hurt you.

I'll hurt you at 30 whacks. Go ahead. You want to do 30 whacks? And if I win, what do I get? 30 whacks. Was that the most painful thing he hates? No. I just get to bite your stomach.

Oh God. No. I just get a little bit too. It's going to be equal. Does she hate that? Yeah. I'm sick. Oh, you want 30 whacks?

Biting the stomach. Yeah, you're at it. Or a Muay Thai leg kick. Oh yeah. Muay Thai leg kick. That's what I get. No, no, no, no, because I already got a bruise last time. No, no, no, you said fucking biting the stomach.

Wait, you hit him that hard where he bruises? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, he collapsed like, I don't know why he does that. Okay. We have Bobby Lee. He's getting a hat off. So you see? He's getting a hat off.

It's a weigh-in. put your way in the way it's all full naked so Bobby you're listening Bobby Bobby's taking off his pants it's like a UFC way and he's completely naked uh stepping up to the stage is Bobby the Emperor Lee what is it 34.8 pounds what does it say 34 pounds it's broken it's broken it's on the carpet you got to do it on the floor outside yeah on the bathroom floor okay they're registering right now Bobby George his first wing was 34. Don't let him cheat I need to see it. I feel like you better check that.

Wow! We have 164! Show that belly. Show that belly. Oh 30 whacks. I really wanted to bite your belly. Can I just bite it anyway? George timecode 28 for pixelating. Hang on you cannot slap me where my bracelet is cuz you're gonna push the bracelet. I'm gonna do one arm over and over again. Why do you feel bad? When have you ever felt bad about hurting me? It's cuz you're on camera. He never shows me mercy. That was only number two. Did she not say this doesn't hurt me? That's two. You're also not swacking. You're punching down. That's not a whack. That's not a whack. Can I show you how you do that?

Oh sorry badagi. Give me your arm. Really off. Give me your arm. Sweetie don't have a heart attack right now. I'll do a different arm. I'll do a different arm. Maybe just ten. He's not swacking. He's punching down. Watch what I'm doing. I'm using the two fingers. Watch. Not on the chair. On the chopping block. Oh jeez. I don't want to do anymore. I have to do at least one more. That's it. That's five to enough. You want more? I mean it's gonna bleed soon. So you know what? I owe you 25 more at any time you want. You can go with different places. I'll fuck up your arm. I'd rather you do finish your 30 because I don't want you to cry about it. But just move around the arm. So how many was that? 25 more. Just move around.

You really want a red arm? You also look at her eyes though. You fucking knuckled me. You bastards come here. He knuckled me. Let me knuckle you now. Let's go back to the podcast. People don't want to hear this shit. How many times a week do you guys go through this physical? Every day. There's wrestling, there's choking, there's hair pulling. I know I'm crying about it but I think I secretly love the painful attention. There's something very bonding about it when someone playfully beats you up. I also want to say something like this. I don't like reality shows. Do you guys know that? I hate them. That's for the 400 pound one. I love that one. But I found a new one. It's called Long Lost Family. It's on TLC. It's the best reality show I've ever seen in my life because it's part comedy and part sad.

It's comedy on purpose. You know what it is? It's basically kids or adults who either were adopted or gave up a kid for adoption trying to find their sibling or vice versa. We saw a couple of episodes that literally, I'll give you an example. There's one girl from LA. She had a family, a mom and dad, happy life. At the age of 19, it was revealed to her that her dad was not her dad. Accidentally though. Accidentally. Someone was like... You look Italian because you look Italian. I'm not Italian. Yeah, you are Italian. Look at your face, which is kind of rude. I'm just tan. Italian people are good generally. She asked her mom, I'm not Italian. She's like, well, your dad is not your biological dad. Who the fuck is my dad? She's like, well, I was in Seattle in the late 60s and I was working at a pizza joint or I was at a pizza joint and I met a guy that worked there.

We had sex for a couple of weeks and then I never saw him again. Barely even remembered his name. Barely remembered his name. She got it wrong too when she told her the name. With the show has investigators and they go out and they go to ancestry.com or these places. They do DNA matching. They do DNA matching, all kinds of stuff to find their loved ones. They found them. And so now this girl, now she's 39. So it took her 20 years to even do it. So now that's where the show takes place. So she's like, I'm doing it now because my dad, my biological dad could be dead. So I want to do it now. So this lady, she owns an animal rehab. She has a rehab facility for animals in Topanga.

They find the hip. He lives in Oregon. We know what he does for a living. He has an animal sanctuary. He's a director for wildlife rehabilitation in Oregon. You guys want to do it with cats. So they don't live with each other. So imagine the 70-year-old man going, you have a daughter. They don't know each other and yet they still both do the same thing. That's as if I was adopted and then 40 years later, I find my dad and he has his left foot missing from fungi.

And he has a tattoo of Pringles on his chest. You know what I mean? He changed his name to Destiny. You know, that kind of cosmic, they're both the same people. Yeah, they are. So what was the reunion like? It was especially emotional because the man never had his own biological children. Right. He raised his stepdaughter who he loves. And then when he sees her for the first time, it just makes you cry so hard.

Because they look the same. Yeah. That last episode I saw broke me up, dog. This should break you up, bro. It was such a touching thing and I thought I was dead in my heart. You're the least dead person. You cry at everything. I'm a man. God damn it, bitch. I'm a man, dog. When do I cry?

Crying makes you more of a man. Oh, I cry a lot. I do cry during reality shows and some movies that we watch and stuff like that. Like I cried last night when we saw that documentary 13th. It's on Netflix. It's really touching. It's basically, it's a documentary that centers around around the 13th amendment, which essentially the 13th amendment is to disallow slavery in America,

unless it the person is like a prisoner or like is, you know, a criminal basically, right? And it just talks about like mass incarceration of black people, essentially being the modern day version of slavery and how prisons are a very, very profitable business for a lot of corporations. And it gives you the whole history of why prisons are such a booming business and why we don't want to get rid of them and why we continue, it's essential to, that we continue to arrest people. Over the years, they've tried different ways.

Since they abolished slavery, white people have done different ways to chain them. Continually oppress, basically. Because it's what made the money, slaves made them a lot of money in the past. So it's like, how do we continue to make these people, how to still make money from these people? But he always goes, when we bring something up, he always questions it. Do it at the same time. You know what I mean? What the fuck you're, what are you thinking right now, friend?

What am I thinking? I'm thinking the main problem is the war on drugs is my take on it. The war on drugs is a very racist. That's in the fuck, that's in the... White people use as much drugs as anybody else, but it's all a... But watch this because... Prison population is very much skewed towards non-wrestling. That's exactly why.

Yeah, so it's one in, I think the statistic is one in every 17 is white in prison. Wow. One in every 17. In blacks though, what is blacks? So one in every three black men are going to be in prison or jail or prison in their lifetime. So it's like the statistics, statistically it is... It's absurd. What are Asians, one out of every 10,000?

10,000. The one crazy shooter. Yeah, when we do it, we do it hard. We do it hard. Yeah. A plus. Virginia Tech. A plus.

It's true, but also bad. Really bad. But it's actually very... It's a little more unbiased of a documentary because it actually shows you just how bad Bill Clinton was in terms of militarizing the police. But he had to do it. He purposely did it because of the fact that the last two presidents were Republicans. Nixon and Reagan and Bush. And they all pushed this law and order.

Essentially, the documentary says that if you were running for president and it had to be a part of your agenda to say that you were tough on crime or else you would absolutely not win. So everyone had to jump on this whole idea that mass incarceration and just militarization of the police was the way to go. Or else you just weren't going to win the presidency. And so it basically throws everyone under the bus, the Democrats, Republicans, everybody across the board. We did a huge disservice to... It's an enlightening. I mean, I don't know much about anything, but when you were watching it, it really was emotional for me. Yeah, it's just somber.

It's very somber, yeah. Like, wow, I was completely unaware. And you just realized just how ignorant you are of just how long this has been going on for, you know? And you realize that life is fragile. And we live in a bubble. Yeah, and my brother and I almost died last week. Oh my goodness. The Pringles can?

That's right, how? Did you know that? That my brother and I almost died last week? They didn't almost die. Yeah, we almost died. What's it now? Bitch, we almost died, bitch. Be supportive, Kyle.

I'm sorry, they almost died. My brother and I haven't talked in a week because of last week's experience. After the podcast? Yeah, after the podcast. The day after? The day after. Oh wow, that's fresh. So my brother and I, I pick him up to go get some vapes.

He wanted to start vaping because his lips are looking like fucking, just like hyenas. I mean, his gums are just rotting because of the dipping. Oh, that's right, you did. He did. I went to the dentist two, two years ago because his tooth was hurting and Bobby didn't want to go drive him. So I was like, okay, I'm going to take you to the dentist. And then the dentist looks at the X-ray and then looks up at us, looks down and puts up

at us. My brother had never been to the dentist. His whole life? Uh-huh. And so he knows, he has home remedies about things. Oh. So he goes, he goes to like. The other side.

Yeah. My brother and I both have damaged fucking teeth. We don't like flossing. I don't believe in it. I don't believe in flossing. I'm going to force you, I'm going to force you to make an admission that he said you begged me never to tell on air. But you talked about the abortion.

No, bullshit. This is, we're playing tit for tat. You fucking put me on blast all the time. I'll just say it. I'll say it out front. No, no, no. I'm going to ask you a question. All right.

But can we just tell, tell me, can I tell the story first? No, a bit after, after you answered my question. All right. Let's ask the question. What's happening? Exactly how many teeth do you have in your mouth? And the honest question is, I don't know. But I haven't counted the number you gave me last week.

If I had to make educated guess. Yeah. He's talking with his tongue, I think. Eight. Eight or nine. Okay. Well, that was your guess. What?

Why? It's not a guess. It's a question. It's all in one of the teeth. I don't know if they're together or not. I don't know if they're one tooth or two teeth. So I'm saying that's why I say eight or nine because of the plaque. I think the plaque kind of made them want.

They merged. They merged. Yeah. They fused together. They fused together. So I think I'm going to count that too. Yeah. I mean, my mouth is a disaster.

And first of all, I only brushed the front part. What is that? Because what else is there to brush? No, I don't do the back. You don't brush your molars? You don't have teeth there? No, even before because the showcase teeth are the front. Oh, like the pearly whites.

Yeah. All right. They go, yes. But no, if you look deep, oh my God. But you never have bad breath ever. I know. Because they have no teeth. But there's no teeth to smell bad.

But my brother has the same condition. We just, we don't, we know, I swear to God, we were never told to floss. We didn't know what, I didn't know what flossing was until like my mid 20s. There's like just food in your, between your teeth. Yeah. They're just like rotting away my other teeth, whatever, you know, but, um, wow, it's fine. But anyway, um, I don't even know what, so that's, you feel good now that that's out there? Tit for tat.

Sorry. You feel good? No, I don't. Okay. So I'm going to tell you the reason why my brother died. Wait, what? What? My brother and I almost died.

Oh God, don't say he almost died. My brother didn't die. Um, so we go for it, get fapes and I get him a little thing and then we go, where do you want to eat? So like, let's just drive around. It's raining and I'm driving a rental and it's rush hour. It's like six. And so we're driving up La Siena boulevard and if you don't live in LA, it's like one

of the biggest, longest streets in LA. It goes from Hollywood all the way down to not even nowhere past the airport, it's long and but the last tip of it to get onto sunset is completely uphill and it's the most congested part of Hollywood ever. And my car just stops. I forgot to put gas in the car. Whoa. It's never happened to me before.

Yeah, I know, but I don't know what's going on because it's a rental and also I'm not in one side of the, the street. I'm in the middle lane. I don't know why. Rush hour. Right. We stop. And my brother goes, what's going on?

What's going on? I don't know. I don't know. He's like, and then the, the gas thing goes up and then we're yelling at each other and throw money at him. Why? Go get gas. Right.

So my brother takes this water. It's raining. Right. Oh, now it's stop all traffic. All you guys, people screaming, you hear honking chaos. He didn't even put the emergency lights. I didn't know. I don't know how.

I don't know where the button was. So now I'm outside trying to direct traffic and also it's, it's, it's on a hill. Right. So I'm sliding because I have like slippers on. Right. So I'm sliding and I see my brother running from the distance, right? And he just disappears. He abandons you?

No. He's trying to get to the gas station. So now I'm in a blackout of sheer just panic. And then 10 minutes later, my brother, I see my brother running with a red canister. Right. I go, what the fuck took you so long? You know, we're yelling at each other, honking this and that. And then I open up the thing and I pour the gas in and it won't go out of the thing.

Because they didn't have the fucking spout the, you know, you need, you can't just pour it. You can't just buy gas. You need the actual funnel. So now we're just being drenched with gasoline. Nothing's going into the thing. Gasoline fight in the middle of Las Yenaga. We're drenched in gasoline screaming, what do you fuck?

You know, and then my brother trying to look at the directions on the fucking thing, right? It's complete panic. You're still in the middle of the road. Yeah. People also, can I just say why we almost died? People are like going around our bodies to get around with like literally this close are hitting us. Also, we're both wearing like we're slipping because it's, you know, and we're afraid the

car and then at one point we're pushing the car, but it's the, you know, I don't know how to put it in neutral. It was. It was chaos. Also, why are you pushing a car uphill? Panic. At all. I don't know.

Panic. Because I wanted to have called me right after Kauai. We needed you. So this is what happened. Yeah. What happened? Next thing I know, I just see two dudes running toward us in the middle of Las Yenaga. Two door men from the comedy store.

Nice. I don't know their names. I forgot, I didn't memorize them, but I know what they look like. Yeah. They're comics. They're open micers from San Diego. The bottom. Hey, Bob, we saw you.

We don't know how to use it. Right. Bobby, stop talking like that. Yeah. And so he's all you have to do is this. He puts it in the thing. It happens like that. Yeah.

Just like that. I throw the thing in the back of the car. I start the car. We just. Wait, you didn't like give him like buddy or no, I, oh dude, you don't even know what to do. I'm going to make his career this guy. He saved her life.

It doesn't matter. I'm going to do everything I can to help this guy. Awesome. This guy takes to have your career made is like to know how to put gas in your car. No, that's not gas. It's saving your life. Good. You don't see the thing is, is what you're doing right now is what you're doing is you're

taking the situation and you don't, you weren't there, man. It's like a Vietnam. You weren't there, man. Look, you hear the stories of this and that, but it's like, I tell you, okay, I was. Let me tell you another one a week before that. He calls. I have like five missed calls. So I know it's not good.

Call him back. He goes, what's the problem? He goes, I got into an accident. I was like, Oh God, are you okay? Is the other person okay? He goes, no, I ran into a center divider all by myself. Right. And I was like, well, I have triple A. I was like, call triple A. I don't have triple

A. I already put him under my triple A. He has triple A call triple. I don't know how to do any of that. And he didn't, nothing actually happened to his car. He just popped the tire. Oh. By the time triple A got there, it was just a flat tire, but he, in his panic, he did, in his mind, he thought he had just crashed and totaled the car, but he hit, he doesn't

know how to think when he's panicked and it's normal, I guess. I'm one of those guys, I'm a coward and also I'm a liar. Like if I'm on a plane and I'm at the emergency exit row and they say, in case of emergency, will you be able to help us out? And I always go, yeah, I can't. I know I can't. If we go down, we're all dying because I don't know how to open that thing. We just turned the latch.

I don't know. I know that in a situation, I'm not a man in that way and I'm ashamed of it. But when you were growing up, like no one taught you how to like take out the lug nuts to use them. No, my brother and I learned how to dodge my dad's golf swings because he was in a violent rage. Like he never taught us anything like a jack. No, he never, they never taught us anything.

They only taught us about running from fear. That's actually a good life. So if there's like, whenever I see, you know, like, you know, the terrorist attacks in Europe and stuff like that, I feel like maybe I could survive because I'm such a coward. As soon as I hear something, I'll like go into a fetal position and I'll cry myself into, you know, stealth mode. Have you ever been tested in that way though? Like, I think that I've been sort of tested.

I was in high school and we had a little bit, we had a tunnel from one building to the next and somebody blew up one of those M 80s in the, in the tunnel, no, in the tunnel as everybody was running, going to their next class and it sounded like a fucking bomb had got off. Right. Yeah. And everyone sort of collapsed to the ground, like in fear, trying to like cover. And I looked at my sister, she looked at me and we were zigzagging through that tunnel and trampling over people.

But we came out of there like fucking champions and we thought to ourselves, holy fuck, like maybe we're more prepared than we thought I am. I just thought of a situation was I was at the comedy store. This is 15 years ago and we used to have fat Tuesdays, which was an urban night and somebody pulled out, I'm not kidding you, a semi automatic weapon. It's a semi auto. Yeah. I was in the air and he was tackled immediately.

But I was the only one that had a hit underneath like a table immediately. I was already in the position before and people were still standing. They didn't even know what was going on, but I was already in the position. So I think I'm a survivor in that way. Instincts. Yeah. Maybe. You know, but you never really know when it I know, I think that somebody should

create a college called man's school and they teach you. My brother and I talked about that because my brother and I both don't know how to change a tire. My brother and I don't know how to put gas in a car in that way in an emergency situation. We don't know anything because we were never taught it. I don't know anything about engines. This is not a man thing though. I feel like everyone should learn that.

Yep. No, I just want a school out there to teach me how to do manly things like, you know, fix a pipe. Oh, I can't do that. I know, but that's what I'm saying is that I don't know how to do it. I've been so used to just making phone calls like the other day, because when I go to their parents' house, tell them what your mom, your parents have me do for three days straight. They have a list of things to what Kalilah should do and him and Steve are just playing

video games and doing the little thing and I'm like repairing just about fucking everything. And when I'm done, she'd be like, okay, Kalilah, not this one, this one, and I'm fixing their Wi-Fi. Everything. I'm just a handyman. Yeah. My brother and I just like, we don't know. And like the other day, she's like, I need an air, what is it, you want it?

Oh, humidifier. Yeah. So I'm not going to go get it. We got, we got, we called, what's it called? There's a service called Postmates. We called Postmates. Postmates. Postmates.

That was too sick to go. And he was like, I'm not going to go drive and get, go to Target. So you got a delivery service. And number one, did it work? Yes. It did. And they got the right one. They did.

And it worked out at the very end. Yeah. And I want to say to Tiger Belly fans, I was in that shitty movie, Keeping Up with the Joneses, and I was just, I saw it on iTunes and there's three comments on it. And the third comment is a Tiger Belly fan, which I really, it's really, it's really good. I love how they make their selves, they make themselves known too. They're like, Bobby's the best part of this movie, hashtag Tiger Belly.

On the thing. It's really fun. And I think that you guys should keep doing that. Yeah. It's pretty amazing. It makes me giggle. Are you guys having a good 2017 so far or what? Yeah.

Yeah. I think so. Tiger Bell, we'll see what happens this pilot season though. There will be a bad 2017. Well you're starting, I mean, no, I'm not going to like really rub it in your face. But you know, Gilbert, like you did get a little bit chub-chubs, you need to work on it. I know.

It doesn't matter, in my opinion. Actually you're just, who cares? You're funny. You're talented. Here's the thing, I don't know my identity. Do I go fat or do I go skinny? It doesn't mean a million. I just know that being fat makes you sad.

That's so stupid. It makes him sad. It's like somebody tell Eric Stone Street, hey, you got to lose weight. No, he went in himself and he got the fucking thing. Yeah, but he's happy as he is, but I know Gilbert. You know, for me, it's like when people go, you got to do your hair, they say, where is this? I go, fuck that.

I'm just going to do me. I'm going to go and do what I want to do where I'm fucking comfortable and like when they go, back when you're first getting an agent, they go, well, you have to audition for this cop role, so you should dress up. And so I would show up wearing a T-shirt and jeans and everybody in the lobby would be in cop uniforms. And I'm not going to do that because if you can't have the imagination as a producer or a writer to look, go, let's imagine him in a cop suit, right?

That's why I'll wear it when I get the job. Yeah. Yeah, I think it's weird when people dress up like that. It's not even anything when they go, you need to wear a bow tie. Fuck you. I'm good. I'm not wearing nothing. When they go, the worst auditions, you have a headshot and resume?

Nah. IMDb, bitch. Nah. Keep it up with the jokes. Do they still ask for headshots like in physical headshots? Yeah, they do. They do. I don't think for people like him, forget offers.

Every once in a while, they do. And it's like, I always look at them like, no, I don't. Okay. And the reason why, I mean, I don't want to say it, but it's like, this is a comedy, right? And I'm going to sound cocky and weird. And I'm so sorry. But this is what I really feel.

Okay. I'm just in a comedy movie or TV show, right? Yeah. If you don't know who I am at this point, then we have nothing to talk about. Don't be like, I don't know why you would need to. Because I'm going to say this right now. If I'm a writer and I'm a producer of comedy, I'm going to know where who everyone is. You're going to know full roster.

Even if like, even if like, someone even lower wrong, I'm just going to know them. You know? Yeah. And also there's a very limited amount of Asian comedians. So it's like, yeah, unless you're somebody who just has white people, you know, that has a lot to do with it. If I was a white dude, no, I would give him a headshot. But because also I'm specific in that way where it's like Asian guy handful, right?

There's now, it goes down to five guys, six guys, really in terms of me being a threat, being threatened by somebody, there's like six guys that threaten me, Asian guys, none of them else do. You know? And so it's like, at that point, no, you don't get a headshot. Is that wrong for me to think that way? No, I don't know why they would ask you. No, but let me ask you for real.

Is that you too, sweetie? Is that wrong for you to think that? Um, look, I think that if you're a casting director and you work in comedy and you want to be respected, you ought to be very knowledgeable about the roster of, you know, comedians out there. And if you don't know that, then you haven't done your homework as a casting director. That's how I exactly how I feel about it. It's like we all go to school or we all practice for our jobs, right?

It's like, what is the job entail? The job entails that you know a full list of, you know, actors and comedians. And if you don't, then you're slacking. You're not on the up, you know, you're not staying on top of your job. I also want to say this before I forget, male strip got the Golden Globe lifetime achievement. What was it? What did she get? She sold the award.

She sold the meal. She sold the meal. Is that what it is? You don't know anything about it? I saw the video. But I don't want you to watch it or so. I don't know the name specific award that she won. But if you say Cecil B, I know.

Your attitude right now is spunky. What is spunky? Funky. I just made it up. Is that a good thing? Yeah. You're being so spunky right now, dude. You're funky.

Rock and roll. Spunky. Rock and roll, buddy. And I agree with what she said, except for the fact that whole MMA. She attacked. She attacked mixed martial arts and said it was not an art. Of all the things to attack, I just think that martial arts have existed way longer than her great grandparents.

Like to attack something that's so. But also she implied that it's more of a Republican kind of Trump supporter kind of activity. But she's not wrong because they know it's the ultimate Trump supporter. Yeah. But the thing is, is that a lot of people that I know that like MMA or UFC aren't Trump supporters. Exactly. So she's very, she sounded like.

You think Joe Rogan is a fucking Trump supporter? No. And no. What I'm, this is where her speech was going so well and it was really like. That threw me off. And when she, when she said that, it was almost as if like, ah, you're just one of those grouchy grandmas is just like everybody on their Facebooks and their cell phones. Like that's what she sounded like when she said mixed martial arts and football too.

It's like, lady, look, you're, you've been doing everything up and everything you've been saying up to this point, beautiful, but you don't shit on sports. Athletes are, you know, they put, they dedicated fans. Yeah. It's like, oh, only the arts. This is the arts just acting and singing. That was too much. That's like you fucking, it made her sound elitist, but also on top of that as the president

nominee or whatever, or the, what do you call elect president, you don't respond to that. You don't. It's, it's, it should be beneath you. It's beneath him. He loves to though. You know, it's like, it's like if Barack Obama mentioned all of his, all of his critics in a tweet, he would never do that because he's above it. He's the fucking president.

You know, let us, you know, us regular people, we nominated you to be above that, right? Look at me. You don't know him, but I know, I know, but when I look at you, I see him. Jesus Christ. I do. When I look at you as an insult and I don't know, I don't know if I can ever shake it. I just see him right in you. When I look at you, I see Donald Trump.

It's the worst insult ever. It's just like, I could never shake it. All my hatred and anger is going to go towards you. Babe, the same way that you, George, like the same way that you didn't like being lumped together with all the affliction wearing meat heads of UFC is the same way George doesn't want to be lumped together with every single- I've never been lumped together with affliction meat heads. Well, that's what Meryl Streep did to us.

As anybody who likes MMA, even if you're, you know, we're not, that's sophisticated, but there are a lot of guys who are more sophisticated, like Ariel Helwani or Joe Rogan and who are really, really intelligent people who watch martial arts. Yeah. She's just uneducated. That's how I'm, it didn't really offend me that much. I was just- It didn't.

It took away from her message because I felt like it's still alienated, a whole population of people who enjoy watching sports. Yeah, football, that was a weird one. You're like, you're going to attack sports, lady? Like, it made her seem as though she thinks that the only form of arts is the creative arts. As if martial arts is nothing creative at all that it does. It only takes meathead, meathead dudes with muscles to perform.

It's so much more than that. Monks, bro. Monks. Yeah. It's an actual practice. It's a discipline. It's a philosophy. It's not just athleticism, and I wish that she could understand the intricacy and the

nuances of mixed martial arts. What a pity that she doesn't know that, you know, doesn't know it like we do. And also stop texting me about Steven Yoon. Who? I'm going to get him eventually. Eventually? I don't like eventually. I like right now.

God. I want to- Oh. What are you talking about? Yeah. It's like, what are you going to call- should I call him or are you going to call him? Relax. No.

Why? Because he sees- Just text him. Because he sees Trump in you. Just text him. Trump in you, where we at in time. Just text him. More than hour.

One text, Bobby. Hour one. Okay. A helpful advice with Bobby, Kalyla, and Trump. George. Go ahead. It's the first one, Kalyla. From Omid?

Yeah. Hey, Tiger Belly. I'm 20 years old and I'm starting my own podcast with my buddy. Good. Anyways, I started by having us both talking to a mic about random things like conversation, motivation, and a bunch of other things. But I found out that the actual pre-science or presence of the microphone stunted the conversation.

So my question is, do you guys plan about what you're going to cover in each episode or do you just go without a plan? Thanks Persian guy. So the presence of the mic is throwing his, him off. The presence of the mic hasn't thrown you off ever because you've been a professional performer for over 20 years. Thank you. So I think this more applies to a noob like me.

When I first, when I first started doing this, even the presence of George looking at me or any camera or any lighting would throw me off. And in the beginning, I begged George if we could just make this a strictly audio podcast because it threw me the fuck off. I didn't, it, it took me away from the stream of thoughts in my mind. But over time, with practice, you just sort of like inundate yourself with the same thing over and over again, you'll, you'll work through your own cracks and you'll work, it'll become more and more seamless and effortless as you go.

So just keep doing it. It's just about, you know, practice, practice, practice, practice. It did throw me off, by the way, I had to get used to this. What happened was it's not only only, it's not only about the mic and the earphones or whatnot, it's about, okay, we have to create like, it's almost as if you're on the spot and you have to create something, you know, through talking. And when I used to do the road with Pauly Chor in the nineties and Mencia, they would make me do press with them.

Oh, right. So I would go to press with them and they're two polar opposite types. Mencia was a joke machine. He would have them, you know, bring up these topics and he had these long bits that he could just, you know, me rattle off. Okay. He could actually sell out a room based on his radio. Damn, right?

It's legit. Pauly did the opposite. Just doesn't know what's going on, right? He doesn't talk into the mic. He'll walk away from the situation, which is, I like that too, because it gave it a weirdness, right? But in my head, I'm like, I can't do either one of those. It's just not a part of my personality.

So when I was, when I was forced to do it, when I went on the road years later, I was terrible. Like they would, I would even burn bridges. Like they would like, they don't want you this time, you know, because I wouldn't do the question thing because a lot of DJs were like, write down these questions that we can ask you. I go, I don't do bits like that, right? So, but what I figured out was I just have to just do what I do.

Like that took opiate Anthony for me to do that. When I first did opiate Anthony, they ripped me apart, right? So the next year, when I did it again, I came with guns and my guns were, I'm going to just say all the things that they're going to say about me upfront, right? So I, I suck dick. I'm ugly. You know what I mean? I mean, just like I, my life is terrible, you know, just to put that out there and, and

I did that not to get laughs. I did that so that they would, I could just get through it, but it worked for me. And then they were like, we love you. We love when you're scared and paranoid and all that stuff. And then I kind of learned to like, and then now it's just whatever. I don't care. I don't think about it, you know, but it just takes time. So just do it and you'll learn.

You don't have to put them out right now. You can just do a bunch and then when it feels right, then put them out. Put it to you this way. It's so natural what you're feeling because we have guests that have been on this show whose episodes we've never released because of this and this is why they're very interesting people outside of this room. And we, we, we invite them cause we think that they'll have so much to say, but as soon as the mic is turned on, as soon as those cameras are on, it's like they're frozen.

All of a sudden every, they become non like, you know, conversation, like they don't, they've lost all ability to converse with you. And when I first recorded with Bobby, even without a mic, we were just using a computer, our very first podcast together of the calamity. We could only do it for exactly 17 minutes because I was stumbling on my words and even the idea of it being recorded was so overwhelming to me cause I thought I had to be a certain way. And you just have to realize that the more organic you are, the less of a shit you give

about making mistakes and the less shit you give about about fluff words or saying, um, or it just, just be your absolute self, but be your absolute self so much and do it so often that it becomes, it does, it doesn't even, you know, become a thought in your mind and expose yourself so much that it just doesn't affect you. The mic then becomes your third limb. Another thing though is too, is that I don't, you know how I pronounce things wrong? Well, I don't know how to say certain things. Normal people would be like, I can't say it or I'm not going to, I don't care.

But because I've, I have this persona now of a guy who doesn't need to know fancy words, you know, I pronounce things in the wrong way, I don't give a fuck. And but that take that, actually I had to learn that because, you know, before I would say, don't say that word because you don't exactly know how to say it. Now I try to attempt it. If it doesn't work out, how do you say it, right? My brother, you think that my brother is like that in real life? He developed a persona as a defense mechanism of this guy who doesn't know much.

I don't know, you know, but he knows, he knows exactly what he's doing. He's a manipulator in that way. He's very smart. He's very smart in that way. When he went up on all those theories and stuff, I was like, yeah, I mean, my brother, but when he's in it, he did it when he was on mad TV, when he, you know, he has to use to guest star and stuff. He did it when he does podcasts.

He does it. He, he does it when he meets new people that he wants to impress. He pretends that he's like this guy who's just visiting from a different planet. Simple. Who's just trying to. Yes. Simple. But I wouldn't say it's not, he's not being himself.

It's just, he has. It's exaggerated. Elevated himself. Yeah. It's an exaggerated version of an aspect of my brother's personality, but he's still magical in real life. He is. He is.

He is even more magical in real life, like who he is on podcasts is like an alternate version of him. I find him to be extra magical. But you will, but this guy doing the podcast is you're going to create a kind of persona, but that takes trial and error and really just kind of throwing it out there. Oh, his question also is do, do we come prepared? Do we come prepared? I don't, I don't know.

Bobby never does. I might have, here's the extent of what I've written down, which is just four things, five things jotted down. I have Meryl Streep stranded car, long lost family and then jealous. I wrote the word jealous. I don't know why. This is how I feel all the time. What is one of the rules Gilbert, I know what they are, but what are one of the rules of

improv? Yes. And, and also what is, when they say and what do they mean by that? Add onto it. Don't say no. Don't say no or don't disagree. Don't stop. Add information.

You're always adding information. So those rules apply to this. It's like, all I have to do is add more information, what people don't want is silence, right? So I just kind of, you know, I will ask a question or I'll add onto something. Sometimes I say things that I don't, I regret, but it's still adding, but it's still adding, right? I'll like in the back of my mind, I'll go, but it's, that's what it is. It's the first few, probably the first 12 episodes that we recorded after we would record.

I couldn't sleep the whole night. I would pick apart every wrong word that I said wrong. And to this day, I still remember which words like that, that I can't get over. Yeah. Yeah. Like there's one, I meant to say. Fun fact. Those were highly edited back in the day.

Oh yeah. Because one time I meant to say like noxious and I said noxic and I was like, I'm an idiot. Did I even go to school? So we take out that word. Yeah. I mean, like, no, it was, we kept it on there and it haunts me to this day. But you soon realize that it's like, you know, three minutes ago, I couldn't even come up with a word converse.

Like I stumble on my words. I'm a stutterer just by nature, you know, but you get over your, your insecurities real quickly. If you just keep doing it, you figure like, okay, like if I can't get my message across the first time, I'll stutter, I'll stumble, but let me get it across the fifth time. Another thing. Can I do another one more advice? You never live in the results.

What I mean by that is, is that when you're doing a podcast, you can never go or anything creative in this way. If I do this, it's going to lead to this because that just adds more pressure onto what you're doing in the moment, right? And it doesn't come out organic. You cannot expect anything from this podcast. That's what I'm saying to myself. And that's exactly what we, when we started this, we expected nothing.

It was just a little side project for fun. Yeah. If I've learned anything from people who've made it big on YouTube, they do it for the pleasure of it because you're not going to make anything. Here goes fucking YouTube bullshit again. No. All these people from YouTube. You're right, George.

All these people from YouTube. That's a Trump tweet right there. Or anywhere. Yeah, yeah, yeah. YouTube. What's up? All these people from YouTube. What?

No, I just said it. God damn it. No, they do it for the pleasure of it. Oh, they do it for the pleasure. They don't do it for the hits. They don't do it to get followers. You have to do it because you want to do it early on. And then.

No, I never got that from them. That's what George got from them. No, that's not what you get from them. Nope. Second question. No, no, not the second question. I'm not done with this one. I'm not done with this.

He said the word. That's going to get me fucking crazy. Trigger words. George. YouTube. YouTube. Come on. What else did you learn from YouTube stars?

I want to know. I want to learn too. Do it for the pleasure. Do what you want to do. And then, oh, the other thing that a lot of smart people do. No, YouTube people. Yes. Smart YouTube.

You're saying smart YouTube now. They're smart. Smart YouTube. Holy fuck. They'll start with one thing, and then once you see something else, you'll pivot. But you have to be doing something first. Everybody's. That's life, bro.

Yeah. I know. I'm just talking about my experience. Research experience. In life, dude. I'm not talking about reading books. What do they say? They're five or six, seven businesses before they get the one they hit.

Fails, yeah. Yeah. You didn't learn that from YouTube. That's life. Go ahead. Next question, Bobby. You want the long one? No, get the long one.

Yeah, the long one. Get the long one going. I can read it if you're. No, I got it. You can read. All right. This is from our friend Jojo. Hello, Tiger Belly or Urban Bobby.

Yeah. Oh shit. I should have said that. All day, every day. Hollywood nights, dog. Billy and the haze. Hollywood nights. I've come to you with a hopefully clear and understandable inquiry.

My girlfriend and I are approaching our two and a half year mark and I couldn't possibly ask for a better companion. There we go. We know each other through and through, mentally, emotionally, and for the most part, physically. We are what Kali calls efficiently, functionally, yes, but still very much physically and verbally, head over heels for each other. To keep things short, the only relevant details of our relationship to this question are listed below.

I went to school, took her virginity, have a very forward and experienced sexuality. I'm only one she's been with that intimately. Okay. So hold on. She's repeat that. She's never been with anyone else. I am the only one she has been with intimately. Okay.

Thus she lacks sexual etiquette. Okay. I fucking love eating her pussy. Whoa. That's aggressive, man. It's aggressive. She's very, very poor at giving oral. Okay.

I enjoy giving oral. It pleases me to please her, but I very much so enjoy receiving it as much as most men do. I have had unforgettable oral encounters prior to my relationship with her. So I have had a taste of the cookie, but now it's just like the jar is locked because morgues just can't bake the cookies like some other girls. It's not that she knows and refuses to do it well. It's that she completely lacks the knowledge of proper oral thus frustrating both ends

of the act because I am too timid to tell her to do it differently. Did you write this George? Is that your George? It just keeps on going. It just keeps on going. Stop it. Stop it. I already know the question.

Okay. Hey, I need your, okay. So it just has stopped me. So it has just stopped completely. I essentially just want your opinions and how to approach her in the correct way to essentially say, Hey, I need you to occasionally suck my dick and suck it right because I eat that ass and never get no pleasure. End quote.

I envy colliding Bob's relationship solely for what seems to be the open communication and transparency. I adore the podcast and some Mongolians asshole. Keep doing what you're doing. You get me through my late nights at work. Thanks in advance. Okay. I already had the answer.

Great question. What is it? Clyde and I watch porn together. What do you know? Okay. Hold on. Take that back. Let's be clear.

He watches porn while I blow him. That is not watching porn together. I know, but you and I have looked, looked at porn together because I see it in like my periphery. No, we've seen it together. Oldest, youngest. We have watched porn together. Yeah.

Okay. And so when she watches porn, I mean, she'll get the porn version of it, but they're pretty professional. They're accurate in many ways. You eat the sack a little bit. You suck on the sack. Get the stem, the stem, the head part, you know what I mean, do the whole thing. But um, I would do that.

Tell me I don't suck a good dick though. She's the best in the business. Thank you. I really am. The best in the business. The season will be award for that. The lifetime of cheating. I should be giving a speech.

So that would be the first thing. And also I'm, I would say this just, I know they're young. They seem young. How old is he? They're very young. I think they met in high school. And they've only been together two and a half years on college, 20, that's, you know, those kind of, I'm 45.

Yeah. So you've gone out, you dick sucked a lot. Yeah, I have. And, but I've also through the years now just can look at somebody and go, this is what I desire. I mean, you know, I'm not going to not say something. Right. She says shit all the time, you know, and it's like, you got to have that open communication

baby. Yeah. I think that when you're very young, you don't know how to do that without the fear of possibly offending somebody. But when you realize that sex is just a really open highway of, you know, and it should be a place where I have this rule where it's a place. I'm a yes man in the bedroom. Like whatever you say, I'll never judge.

I'll never, I'll probably try as long as it doesn't involve like a fucking rusty pole up my ass. You know, I don't want tetanus. But it's a place where anything goes. And you know, I think maybe her, I'm trying to think of a time I was reluctant to suck dick. And the only time that I've ever been reluctant to suck dick or if it wasn't enjoyable was if I had some TMJ issues with my lock job, because my job clicks on the side or if the

dick was like too big because it is a chore. So your, your's clicks all the time with my dick. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hollywood nights. Hollywood nights. Or the, another time that I really, really didn't want to suck dick was when a guy just

wasn't very clean down there and he wouldn't clean under, he wasn't, he wouldn't clean under his turtle neck, you know, because he wasn't, and it was a very, very peculiar off-putting scent for me when I was very young. And I didn't like going down on him. I still don't love giving blowjobs, but I see it. I do enjoy it if it's just in the throes of like passion. But if you just ask her, maybe consider if, you know, ask her about whether or not she even enjoys it at all.

I know she gives shitty blowjobs right now, but even as she's giving shitty blowjobs, does she enjoy giving shitty blowjobs? If it's something, cause there are some girls which is like, I don't like it, it reminds me of this. I have a very close friend who's legit tells, when she first dates guys, she's like, I just don't suck dick. It doesn't, I don't like the act of it. And you have to respect that, you know, there's something about it.

She's going to be an old lady. No, she's married. Really? Yeah. She's got a lot of hot dudes too in the past. Well, they just don't like their dick getting sucked. I mean, they just kind of, you know, her pussy must be just like, like Mithril. Super tight.

You know what Mithril is? What's Mithril? Mithril. You guys know what Mithril is? What's Mithril? It's that stuff in Lord of the Rings, where they made the chess piece for Frodo, it's like, it's like. A special element?

Yeah, special. Yeah. Because remember when Bill Bow goes, that's Mithril, you know what I mean? Armor. Yeah. It was like shiny. Yeah. I, my final suggestion is to just say it, like, hey, like ask her first, what do you

absolutely love, like what are you, what do you love the most about sex that I can improve on? So put it on, you know, put it that way first, phrase it. And then maybe she'll return and be like, well, what do you like? And you then you say, I love blow jobs this way, this way, but this way, yeah. You know, and everybody's different and girls will find and she'll find if you're not the last guy she'll ever be with, she'll find that each guy you have to learn each one separately and even I'm like, fucking 32 now, I've sucked a lot of dick in my life, and I already know

you did. I know you suck dick. I have. And I'm ashamed of it. You know, every guy sucks a lot of dicks. There is one girl that I dated better than me who sucked your dick better. No, no, no, that was no, her fuck that she, she, she would get on top of me and she would not go up and down, but she would do like a hula hoop thing.

She's doing the clip thing where she rubs it on your yeah, but she's doing a hula hoop. So she's going in a circle, like kind of like the hurts me, it hurts and also doesn't feel good. Right. And I would go, no, babe, up and down, up and down sometimes. So okay. And then she would still do the hoop, hula hoop thing, because maybe that's what felt good to her.

Yeah. Yeah. But bitch do up and down when I say bitch do up and down. I said, I had the courage, I had the courage to go, can you just for a little bit go up and down? And then she looked at me and says, yes, the hula hoops, the shit. If she said, nah, then I'd be like, oh, this is how she's going to do it. But it's the fact that she didn't even know how to do it.

Show us your Bobby. Bobby, you want to talk about your show? Well, we had time. How almost hour 30 and romantic comedy, 90 minutes. Bobby will be at the Irvine improv this weekend. Maybe Rose and Bob, maybe not because he, he's sick. So everybody in Los Angeles seems to be sick right now. Everyone's sick.

Yeah. So I'm so sorry guys. I'm in Addison soon. So Irvine improv first, 13th to the 15th. And then he San Antonio, Laugh Out Loud, January 20th to the 22nd. I'm playing that room. Yeah. You like that room?

You're three weeks back to back. And then, and then, and then Dallas. And then Dallas. So you Addison improv the week after. Oh my God. After that. It's going to be tough. And Schomburg improv, I think it's the weekend of Valentine's.

Oh my God. Why? Oh. Oh. Am I going with you? Yeah. Which one do you want to go to later? You got to go to Texas with me.

You're both in Texas. What a burger. Please go to San Antonio. It's so boring. San Antonio. He didn't mean that. Fans of San Antonio. He loves your city.

No, I mean, I love the Alamo. I love the Alamo. He loves the historical, you know. I love the Alamo. Ah. George, you want to hop on there really quick? Or are you just going to stay where you are? It doesn't matter.

Any announcements you want to make? Our YouTube is at 30,000 subscribers. So thank you, everybody, we just hit that benchmark. Good job, guys. Our Reddit's almost 1,000. It's getting close. So thank you, guys, there. 999 of whom still hate me so much.

Red. No, it's been pretty nice. The red at the darkness. The darkness. I call it the darkness. The underworld that will consume you. Yep, user Alksbrit found how to build your own Pringles Can Pocket Pussy. So he has a link to that on there.

Go friend him. Meet up. Do a Pringles Meetup. The arts and crafts meet up. We probably shouldn't promote that. And then don't forget to rate us on iTunes. So user Noah Sizzle gave us five stars. Says one of the realest podcasts.

Do your thing, y'all. Hashtag Urban Bobby. Oh, God, I can't believe that's like a thing now. Yep, it's become a thing. What about Urban Kalyla? There's no such thing. We want it to start. What about Long Beach Kalyla?

Kalyla is Long Beach. No, Kalyla on Beach is like, let me suck your dick. Let me suck your dick. Let me suck my dick. Where the dick's at? Anything else, George? No, everything else is too long. We'll all read more comments.

So leave comments on the YouTube, Reddit, and iTunes. And I'll read them next week if I like them. Well, I don't know how I felt about that whole segment that just happened. What segment? We are reading comments. I mean, it would be kind of fun. It's nice.

Hello, Tiger Belly Nation. It's George reads your comments. Thank you. Let's suck our own dicks. That's what it's about. It's about them. It's about the audience. Oh, really, before we go to our social media, shout out, whatever.

Your thoughts on this weekend, Old Man BJ Penn fighting the young, crazy, Yair Rodriguez in Phoenix. Look at my face. So excited. He's going to die, right? I'm so excited. He's going to die. Just because he's a Jackson, he's going to die.

To put it out there, BJ Penn was my absolute favorite fighter. Oh, you and your sister love him. Forever. I mean, when he, Kalono, that fight. That was the one. He still had all of his hair and then jumped on the fence and you run off. I think he's left. Right.

I mean, just, just amazing. So naturally talented too. But will I say that I am absolutely excited to see him step into the octagon? Not really. Because I do, I do want him to, I think he's getting older. And I think that he's lost his, his luster a little bit. And I think you should always protect his health first, you know? Um, um, he's just not somebody that I am like clamoring to watch anymore, but I do give

him props beyond props just for being the J pen. It hurts me to see him. Who's in the undercard? It's a, it's really weak. When is Eric Coke fight? Not on that card. Probably the next one. I don't, I don't remember, but we need to watch that one and support him.

So really quick, uh, BJ loses, then retires again. Or yeah, yeah, that guy's crazy. Yeah, I don't see BJ winning unless it goes to the ground because his jujitsu obviously is just ingrained in his DNA. I think you guys have it are very quick. So make sure you follow us on Instagram at, uh, at tiger belly on Twitter at the tiger belly and emails. Any questions at the tiger belly at jmail.com.

You can follow Collide on all social media at calamity can. I'm sorry for being sick this week. I'll be better next week. And you can follow George at all social media at voted best channel or George underscore Kimmel. And you can, uh, see more of a Bobby store dates at bobbyleelive.com. Everyone have a good night. Hey, prime members, you can listen to tiger belly ad free on Amazon music.

Download the Amazon music app today. Or you can listen ad free with Wondry plus in Apple podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com. We'll see you in the next class survey.