TigerBelly - Episode 76: The EmpERROR's Dick Cereal

Episode Date: January 25, 2017

Bobby only eats Mexicans. Khaloko wants to dry hump. Gilbert gets the digits. We talk tasty humans, Barron, and double cockblocking.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

You're listening ad-free on Wondery Plus. I was looking for your face, sir. I was so excited for ethnic talent. I heard Chris Wotowski was there. Yeah, he was looking for you. And I already told him I wasn't going to be there. Let me say something to you right now. While you guys play your Hollywood life

with your Hollywood shows and your spas and your fucking women marches and everything, Papa has to go out in the world and make a living. Mula, okay? I have to go to radio and promote Tiger Belly. I have to go out and I'm out in the streets with salesmen back in the 50s. Remember, door to door.

And I'm going, hello, hi. Good day to you today. Have you heard of Tiger Belly's? What's that? Oh, it's a fantastic podcast featuring three Asians and an ugly white dude with a beard with a really pink dick. Oh, yeah.

Would you like to listen? Sure. How will this benefit my radio station? Oh my God, it'll benefit you in many different ways. You'll learn about the different kinds of Asians that are out there, Hmong. There's more than one. Yeah, there's Hmongs.

There's the other ones. Yeah, there's the ones out there. Finally, only the Hmong are getting recognition. Wow. What are those ones? They were the forgotten ones. The colorful ones with the Falcons out in the fucking tundra.

The Mongolians. Mongolians. Do you have those ones? Right? They're eagles, right? We have the ones that go, wow, wow, and then they play Russian roulette. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, that's Chinese. Whatever. Either one. Either or. Either or interchangeable. And then I, okay, so then I go. So would you listen? You know what?

Yeah, we talk about God. Oh, definitely. And Jesus and stuff. Definitely. But not in a good way. Oh, yeah. Oh, well. Yeah, and we don't like Trump-Trump's.

Oh. Anyway, so I've been out there hustling for us, you know, but, um, baby, tell me about the, um, the glorious day of the woman's march. What do you want to know about everything about it? Because I know that, um, you went with your sister and your ugly Asian friend and your mom. No, I love Jessica.

I shouldn't know. You know what? I want to say that again about her guy. That's so fucking mean. And I really do really love her. And I think she's very. You know, no, I think that she's saying, no, I think that she's really like, you know, cute, you know,

in a way where it's like, I don't get it, but I get why people get it. Okay. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like. You're, she's also my favorite friend of yours. You're the closest to her.

I mean, she, I know I honestly, I do love her. And I don't know how I don't want to happen, but it happened. And we're kind of the same. We were very combative, but there was a understanding there. Like it's like fun, you know? Yeah. Like when we punch each other in the face and stuff like that. Jesus.

Tell me about it, babe. There's really not much to tell. There's a lot to tell. I'm sure everybody has been just flooded with pictures in the news cycle that women smart. Did you train it? I heard it was packed. You couldn't take the train out there.

Oh, the train was really packed. No, we took a, we got dropped off. Nice. Um, no, it was, it was nice. And I think that a lot of people who weren't there or who just choose to take the antagonistic side of things want to be like, well, what's the point? What's that for?

You know, because they don't even want, they can't even accept that people aren't accepting the results. Like they can't even, it's, it's kind of like when, when you go there, you realize that there weren't just Democrats there. There weren't just, you know, the huge, you know, what people label like extreme feminists there. There were a lot of older men who were ex veterans with their wives dressed as in the Susan B. Anthony garb.

And there were a lot of Republicans who. Yeah, but imagine them going, I'm not going to go no more. I mean, I mean, there's, there's no. That's not sure there was a man. I know that. I mean, I know they want to be there, but, you know, there's no other option though. No, of course there's an option.

There's a guy. Oh, really? Oh, really? Like, I'm not going to go tomorrow. Then the shit that he has to hear. From an 80 year old woman, they've been together for like 40 years. That's a tight age.

I'm just asking questions. You know, that's all. There was a man who still had his stitches in from his chest tube and him and his wife were alternating with the wheel chairs. And then you kind of makes you think like, you know, even us is like liberals. They always say, we always say like, oh yeah, just old white

men at the top dictating our rights. But there are a lot of, there were a lot of old white men at the March. So we can't just throw everyone under the same category. And it makes you realize that. I mean, there were Republicans there who were fiscally conservative, but who just wanted, you know, women's rights to be upheld.

Yeah. But the women that voted for Trump weren't there. Of course not. So those are the women who are the still like the bitter naysayers who are, who are. I want to, I want to see them. Right. And I want to look at them.

And I want to follow them. Follow them in LA. Dude, there's what, how many in LA? Go to Santa Clarita. There are a bunch of a lot of them. But no, okay, my, the biggest takeaway from all of that was really positive. Just spending the whole day there, you felt a little less

bitter, a little less angry, a little less divided. You, you did see people from all walks of life, all colors, all sexual orientations, and they just generally wanted to feel safe in America again. And I came home feeling a little bit more open minded, you know, and not feeling so like I, like defensive about my beliefs. And I thought that it was the most, the most peaceful, calmest

atmosphere, despite the fact that it almost hit a million people in the streets. It was really nice. That's amazing. Yeah. Everyone just was kind. Every comic that I know, anyone that I know that's a guy that's in show business was there.

I mean, what does that matter? I think it's, I think it's, no, I think that a lot of guys that I didn't think that would go when, and they were like involved. I think that, that made me feel good. I went to one in San Antonio. There was four people there. Really?

Yeah. Four people. Yeah. And we walked by a police station and I threw a pebble at the window. Wait, what? Yeah, yeah. That was your act?

You know, that's the bathroom window, man. Oh yeah. That's what I did. And then, yeah, there was not one in San Antonio. In fact, you could feel nothing there. The shows were great. I'm sure there were. I love the people.

Maybe I, yeah, maybe. I'm sure there were. I think that. I don't think so. In fact, they told me before the shows, hey, can you not bring up Trump or anything like that? They really? Yeah, they did.

Wow. And they go, why? Because San Antonio, Houston and Dallas were all, they were all blue. And San Antonio also has all the towns around it. You know what I mean? Military base there too. Yeah.

They were just like, just don't. And I go, all right. I don't ever. Every once in a while, I'll say something about Trump. But yeah, I just didn't. I missed it. I really did. And I wanted to go.

But I have my favorite Trump now. It's Baron and not in a funny way. I'm not trying to make fun of him. In fact, that writer from SNL that made fun of him. Yeah. He should be, her ankle should be broken because Barron's Baron is my favorite one. He's the hope.

Why is he your favorite? He's a great white hope. He's a great white hope because he, like his mom tries to high five him. He won't do it. Oh, you're like, he's a rebel. Yeah. And then she turns around and he tries to high five her head. Well, the camera's rolling.

Yeah. He, um, he looks like he doesn't want to be there. You know, he does his blinking thing, which is like. I think he's trying to like teleport or something. Maybe he has a power or yeah, he's more like get me out of here to Malia. You know what I mean? Like yeah. Yeah.

Right. Or Sasha, like he's doing something. And I don't, you know, people make fun of his autism. No. He's going to turn out to be two things. Luke Skywalker. Oh, Skywalker. Right.

But then three things. I forgot about that. Luke Skywalker. Okay. Or he looks like an artist to me. Oh, just one of those. Like, like, you know, like he's going to sing for a band, but like the anti, you know, anti political kind of like a rebel.

Or he's American psycho. Hmm. Like he's going to snap and then like kill like 30. No, but the American psycho labels already been taken by his older brothers. No. Yeah. They, they're very. No, they haven't.

No, I'll tell you why they're not American psycho. They look American psycho. Purge. But how old are they? 40. They haven't done anything violent yet. We asked that we know. And that we know of right, but still nothing like, I think Baron's cute.

And he brings me a lot of joy. Yeah, he does. And he's a funny kid and he's 10 years old. Of course he's going to fucking act up, you know, and he's a boy. Girls at that age are very easy to quiet down. And, you know, they're not as, they're not as wild as young boys. Young boys are very funny to me. He's very funny.

And, um, I just hope that he's just different, you know, and that's my hope. And, um, yeah. And I feel like I've, I haven't accepted it. Let's move on. I don't, I don't, I don't want, I don't want to dwell on it. I'm not going to dwell on it. I'm not going to talk about it. I know you told me not to.

Okay. But because we're talking in circles. I understand that we're talking in circles. I'm just, I'm not saying anything specific. Okay. There is just a layer of embarrassment and also just a little bit of depression. When I turn on the news and I see him, it makes me feel like embarrassed. And, um, that's all.

And that's all I'm going to say about it. We're not going to dwell on it. I saw a documentary when I was in San Antonio on HBO and it's about Carrie Fisher and her mom. And I cried during it. Do you know why? Why? Well, you know how, you know that they're dead, right? Yes.

But Gilbert doesn't know shit. That's true. But yes, I do know. I do know. No, not dumb, but you're just like, you know, I don't know nothing. You're very smart. No, you're just walking around. I don't know nothing.

I sometimes say that. I don't know nothing. But yeah, they died. Yeah. But what I didn't know is that they had been virtually living with each other for 20 years. I didn't know that. Like they were, their houses are connected. Oh, she was taking care of her mom.

No, vice versa. Vice versa. They were both taking care of each other and her brother is very highly involved in their lives. And now in that, when you look at that, you just, it just becomes a sadder, you know, like if my mom died after I died the day after, it'd be really sad. But like, I see her like three times a year, you know, deceased. And that's now, you know, why she died is that she couldn't live without her.

Oh man. And I'm going to say something right now, man, because I didn't even know about her mom really. Debbie Reynolds. I fuck. She is fucking talented. She's a star. I mean, not even know, I mean, in the fucking fifties and sixties, the MGM years.

Good morning. Good morning. And then like some white dude would pick her up by the neck and she would tap dance on a fucking piano. Yeah. I mean, she like, she didn't give a fuck, right? She would like do like spins on her back in the mud. Like she's doing a Western.

I mean, she is legitimately super. She reminds me of my friend, Nicole Parker, who's on mad TV with me, like can sing and dance and act triple. And then not only that, right, she could do live performances. Broadway. But no, not Broadway nightclub. Oh, she would go into the audience and tell jokes and riff. Like I respect that so much.

And then she made Carrie Fisher sing when she was 14 and Carrie Fisher had a good voice. Did you know that? Yeah. She would sing in a deeper kind of more. She could have been a singer, I think if she like developed her skill. And, um, yeah, it's just, and then there's just a lot of drugs and resentment and their fucking dad was a piece of shit. Eddie Fisher.

Yeah. She, he left the family for Elizabeth Taylor because she was a neighbor. Yeah. But then, but then later on, Elizabeth Taylor and Debbie became really good friends. Yeah, they did. And then later on, Eddie Fisher became virtually homeless. Really? He became destitute.

So it just, um, it's just a really good documentary. I just love to see. And you know what? And kind of just say something. The last thing I want to say about it is that it gave me a sense of empowerment because, um, there was this thing, right, right when Carrie Fisher is doing Star Wars. And she's just like, she's now at a convention and she's like, um, I'm about to give celebrity lab dances, you know, and she goes out and she charges money to sign.

You know what I mean? Posters. Yeah. And she takes photos and she thinks it's like being a stripper, but it's like, it's, yeah, but it's like how I feel sometimes, you know, when I'm like, why do strip? I do strip them. I shoot both. I do both.

Yeah. But like, you know, there is a, there is a sense of like, you know, when I go on and, you know, after the show and you take photos and stuff, I like seeing my fans and I like seeing the people showed up. I'm really grateful by it, but there is a sense of like, you know, it's, it doesn't feel that mystique that, you know, being, you know, you know, not a celebrity, but somebody that's known. I'm sure you, it loses its, um, excitement after you get approached, you know, daily,

right? Yeah. I feel like nice. You're extremely nice. I really like, you know, them and I want to take photos. They pick me up. They do pick me up and put me on their shoulders and they treat me like I'm kind of like a child.

An object. No. Like an object or like a trophy or something. And I, I, I bear it. You know, I go, yeah, pick me up. Yeah. Squeeze my ass when we're taking a photo. Like dudes will like, as a joke, grab my ass, you know, and I don't say anything.

I just kind of go, oh, that was a good one. You endure sexual harassment on a date, but they're watching Carrie Fisher do what like you're needing to do it to pay rent. Like, you know, doing the road for me, you know, I'm out doing shows sometimes like Saturday was great, but Friday there was like one show was like 80 people or I was bad in front of in a three, five, 400 seat venue. Oh, right. And I'm out there like really trying, you know, to get them to like me and to, I want

to put on a good show, but it's hard, you know, but then watching Carrie Fisher grind it out made me go, oh, everyone kind of has to do it. Everyone hustles in their own way. Hustle. Yeah. It's hustling. And I don't feel bad about it. I like it now.

I just, you know, when you see it, I just, I like seeing it and, and I just, you know, it was really good documentary, you know, it was cute and made me sad that they died a day apart. She couldn't live without them. And then the sun now is like, everyone's gone now. What is he doing? Take a look. I won't say it.

What? If that were me, I would, if I lost my mom and sister and I was in my, let's say like sixties and I didn't have children or anything like that, I would, I would take a ton of more bitchwits and peace out. Oh yeah. But he, um, but he has a wife. Yeah. Yeah.

He has a family. Yeah. A kid. He also gets everything. Oh, because like Debbie Reynolds has like, she's, I don't know if you know this, but she collected and bought over the last 50 years, um, memorabilia, like she sold. She had, you know, that infamous, um, what's the blonde lady with the fucking, uh, Marilyn Monroe.

Marilyn Monroe. That's her name. Have you heard of her? Marilyn Monroe's dress. You know how she was on the subway and that, that she had that dress and she sold it for like $6 million or something. Whoa. Yeah.

But she collected it over the years. You know what I mean? Yeah. She would like go to like Sinatra's house. Could I have your tuxedo? It's like, why? I don't know. Sell it in 50 years.

She's hustling. She's hustling. Yeah. She was always like, no, she didn't want old Hollywood to disappear anyway. That's that. Wait. Do you have memorabilia here that's worth more than, let's say $500,000. That's the memorabilia right here, that naked photo of me right there, $600,000.

That's the only one of it exists. Yeah. Look at that. Kim Jong-un right there. That's the only one. That's $20 yet. If I alternate, I might get $30 for that. More.

Yeah. But I have to go to Dallas too. I hope everyone, listen, anyone that lives in Dallas or in the Texas area, I'm going to need help. I've never asked that before, but this is going to be a tough one. Do you never draw well analysis? I eat it every time when I'm there. What is the reason?

What is the reason? I don't like your tone, bro. What is the reason? No, don't do that. Why? Because you're now in the... Did I say that? I did not say that.

How dare you? I did not say that. You did a good showcase for your network thing, and now you're on the cusp of fucking something great and you look at me and you go, why do you say that? With your fucking tones. I'm shocked. No. I'm shocked.

I've been to your Irvine show. I've been to your Irvine show. Everyone in this room right now breaks my fucking heart. None of you guys even went to fucking support Gilbert, but me. Thank you, Kalila. I was in San Antonio. Yeah. But he also had shows on Tuesdays and Wednesday and Thursday before you left.

You didn't go to any of them? I did. I never knew about them. Yes, you did. I told you every day. I don't listen. Jesus. I don't listen when you say stuff.

But no, you know what? You know what it is, though, babe? Do you know how amazing Gilbert was that night? Thank you, Kalila. You're fucking preaching. He was spectacular that night. You're preaching to the choir right now. I'm just saying.

You're my Hollywood dad. Yeah. Let me say this. I was like a proud mommy next to your mommy. Let me say this. I swear to God, I swear to God, that if Gilbert asked me personally, I would have gone. But he doesn't. You don't ask me this.

I have your phone number. You won't give it to me. What? You don't have my phone number. No, I do not. Give me your phone right now. Oh, no. Give me your phone number.

Now, give me your phone number. I can't. What the fuck? Give me your phone right now. We've been doing this for like a year and a half. I asked him one time. Can I text Bobby? Give me your phone.

Give me your phone. You will text into a void. Texting Bobby is like texting into a void. You have my number. No, I don't, bro. Let's see. I asked you one time. I was like, hey.

Hey. No, no, no. He goes, let's see. You think I'm going to give you my phone number? I'm Bobby Lee. Who are you? No, I didn't do that. That was fucking two months in when I asked you, bro.

Oh, you don't. I don't have my number. You gave George your number. Wait, you've texted me before. No. This is George. Well, you have my number? No.

He thinks when you text him that it's Gilbert. It's because you don't have my number saved. No, he doesn't save your number. All right. Can I just say this right now? I'm not. I'm going to throw this out there. No, you know what?

I'm getting attacked. That's fine. But I want to say this. I had a conversation, several conversations with Crystal Lea. And I showed up at the comedy store and he looked at me and goes, yeah, I'm not talking to you. I go, why? You don't call people back.

You don't text people back. You don't respond to people. I don't respond to anybody. And he goes, yeah, but that's not right. For me, it is fine if it's if you're sick. Hey, I found out I have AIDS. I'll respond. I swear to God.

I'm okay with that. I'd be like, oh, no. I gotta go. Yeah, yeah. You should have just, you know, don't do that. Don't do that. Don't do it anymore. Well, I got a barrage of text messages late last night.

And I was not only was I before she gets into that. Oh, I got it. Got it. Got it. And go. Sometimes I need backup. And sometimes I need follow through. And sometimes I need an army behind me to defend me because sometimes I'm in dire straits.

Okay. And, you know, you know, I go out there. I go out there, you know, and I do shows for the company. This is the company. Yeah. And I go to Dallas for the company. Right. I'm going to say this right now.

I'm feeling a little resentful because I, you know, I've done opi, you know, I've plugged it on every radio station, Tiger belly. I've done probably 161718 podcast from Joey Diaz to the other Mexican to like other ones. Who's the other Mexican? Felipe as far as that too. You know, and, and I plug and I plug and I plug. I've done morning TV. Hey, check out my podcast.

Tiger belly. I've done it everywhere. What the fuck have you, have you, have you done? Who's that to everyone in this room? I'm plugging it. So if I'm in a dire situation and my back is if I gets the wall and I need some fucking help because I'm a human being. Right.

Can you please help me? So that's the precursor. So go ahead. I can't wait to hear what this is. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. She pulled out the text.

For once in my life, I was actually able to fall asleep at a reasonable hour, which was right at 1130 p.m. yesterday. I think I ate too many oysters. And then it's fucking put me out for some unacceptable oysters. Unacceptable. Thank God I woke up at 2 a.m. My eyes somehow open to check my phone. And I wake up to like 22 missed calls.

She's fucking Bryce or something. That's because I texted her and called her like for three hours and for a pops in my head. I'm like, why did Bryce? Why was Bryce? I don't know why, but there's something about Bryce. All these celebrities. You know, when he sits in back of me right here and I sometimes look at him and he gives

like Kalylia look, I go, I'm on to you, Bryce, you and your teeth, Georgia's nephew. Go ahead. Okay. So I wake up to all that and I look at my phone and it says, baby, I need you five minutes later. I need you another time. I need you. And then finally says, well, I think my flight is canceled and I need to figure out when

and how I can get home. I'm getting picked up at my hotel in an hour and I'm going straight to the airport to try to figure it out. Okay. Okay. What did I reply? Okay. At this point, does it sound bad to you?

What did I, what did I reply with Gilbert? Okay. She put, she screen captured all the copies of a new flight. Yes. I booked him a flight and I sent it to him. That was my reply. Spoke to him on the phone said, Hey, got you another ticket. This is already lying.

Can I just. No, hold on. You can. You can speak after I speak. This is my account of what happened. Okay. I called him and I said, I got you another ticket for the exact same time, seven o'clock, go with a different airline.

It's a direct flight to LA and I'll see you when you get here. I thought that, Hey, I'm, I'm being efficient. I didn't. It's already. Right? It's not true, but. I bought you another flight. It's like that.

He calls me bitching. Is it first class? No, no, no, no, stop, stop. I need, I need a first class ticket. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Okay. This is how, this is what happened. Okay.

Okay. I get on the phone. I go need help. She goes, okay. And I go, um, also can you get me first class, right? And then she goes, okay, I'll try. She calls back, right? And then she goes, yeah, there is only one first class.

It's $1,500 for a one way ticket for a three hour flight for a three hour flight, right? Do you think I'm fucking crazy enough to buy that ticket? And I said, get it. And I said, she said, are you crazy? I go, no, because, can I say something? Yeah. Don't say, don't even give away how much you made this month. I'm not making, I'm not making, I'm not going to say that.

He screamed, I make this, I made this much in January, what do you think $1,500 is nothing? And I'm sorry. I can't do it. I cannot do it. I know, but it's fucking my money. But let me tell you. So why, what did I say? Why don't you get on your phone and book your own motherfucking flight?

I don't know how to do it. I don't know how. He doesn't know how to do it. That's why. I don't know how. The man doesn't know how to book a flight. It's like, it's like this. It's like, it's like, you know, I was watching that movie, 30, zero dark 30, you know, like

a gas fan. No, I'm trying to get in. And it's like, what, it's like, go on, got a summer been loaded. I don't know where to start. Oh, that's what it is. Imagine that. The whole morning. I mean, he's like, you better not sleep.

Check this out. And she goes, I got you another ticket, right, was $400. What is it? Did you get the $1,500 first class one? No, she was making some sort of lie. I wasn't making a lie. No. I'll tell you why.

I know. I'll tell you how I know she lied because she was, yeah, but confused because I went online. They wouldn't let me, they wouldn't let her, right? They wouldn't let me. And then I talked to the guy and he's like, no, you just have to show up and do it. So I go, okay. So I show up to the airport and I have no, no fucking seat.

Yeah. You, but your ticket, it says go to the gate. See an agent. So I go to the agent at the gate. Common thing that happens. She's so rude. By the way. What airline?

United. United. And I go, hey, by the way, is that first class tickets still available? She goes, somebody already bought it online 20 minutes ago, which we were two hours before. So I was deceived and the whole morning he was just like, you betray your, you deceive me. That's right. I can't believe you don't have my back.

Is that not betrayal? I guess. No, is it? I don't know. No. How is that not betrayal? When she bought it live to you? No, I said, I wanted something, right?

And then she gave me something else and then she lies. My credit card does not have $1,500, bro. Well, then you could have said that. You could have said that I only had $400, but you were bitching and moaning the whole time and he was like, you know what, because of this, I don't have to massage your feet for a whole month. Is he out of that? I mind you.

I fucking. That was a pretty good deal. Are you out of that? Is he out of that? Is that not a good deal? Why? Because I, because on short notice, I got him a ticket home because I have to put this green juice on my fingers, this mint juice, it's efficient oil.

Let's just feel you. Yeah. And I had to massage your feet and the sheeps into my skin. I get sick. It smells nice though. It's like the same stuff from Aaron Brockovich that got everyone sick. Remember? It's a specific detail.

It's the same stuff that got everyone cancer and that thing has been yelling at me all day. No, I haven't been yelling. You betrayer. You're a traitor. Yeah. You know, the next time you just know how to buy flights online. You know what I need to do?

Maybe I need to like to find an assistant. Have you had one before? No. Oh, how dare you? What? How fucking dare you say that? You need an assistant as if I haven't been your slave for three years. Yeah, you're right.

You need an, I need an assistant slave. I need an assistant slave. You get an assistant. This is a slavery. Why don't you get, okay. Why don't you get an assistant so I can call your assistant? That would be it. You know what it says?

You should have an assistant. Yeah. You should have an assistant. I'm already Abby's assistant. I'm your manager's assistant. Yeah. When no one can get ahold of you, who do they call? They call me.

I understand that, but you got to give Abby a break though. I love Abby. Because she's been dealing with my bullshit for so long. I'm crazy. I'm a psychotic person. I'm a psychotic, crazy person, okay, and I have a lot of problems. You know what? I'm mad enough to admit it.

I'll tell you my character defects. I'm a liar. I've already said it. True Mark of a narcissist. I'm a deceiver. True Mark of a narcissist. What? I know all their character defects, but never ever even attempt to change them.

I know, but you know what? But they make it seem like, oh, see, I know what's wrong with me. So people were like, oh, at least they're honest, and they admit to their faults, but they never want to change their faults. You can't build a house on sand. Why? You can't. You can't build a house on sand, okay?

You need a foundation, and I've built the foundation. I'm trying to build a house, okay? So that's that. All right, I'm a narcissist too, all right? Two? Who's the other one in the room? That. So stupid.

I love that. I love him. No, your manager, Abby, and I have a great relationship. We work very well together, and I love her. Yeah. I don't know, man. Maybe I am crazy, and maybe I need therapy, I guess. Maybe.

I need deep therapy. I go to therapy. I think it's not anything to be ashamed of. But also just anyone listening to me right now, Tiger Belly fans, and if you've ever had a physical encounter with me, seriously, there's a connection, right? So I don't think that these people think that I'm psychotic or narcissistic or all these things. No, only the one that lives with you.

I know, but that's like a badge of honor. I think generally people really like it when they meet you. Yeah, but it's like this. It's like if we were a Rome, right, and you were the head of the army, and you have a couple of slashes and bruises, I'm still going to get you, you know, you're still a part of the, you know, you're not the common rabble. You know? I don't know.

I don't know. I want to explain this metaphor. Who are you in Rome? Who are you in Rome first? The emperor. Okay, so emperor. She's the emperor Lee. She's the head of the RV.

Well, no, you're the, my queen, right? And you're going to get like, I'm good as the king. I'm going to go to a regular peasant and go, these are my problems. You need to help me. I'm going to go to the queen council, the council, right? And go, these are my problems. And the queen's going to be like, that he's complaining and like, I get so much, you know, of, you know, and it's like, what?

You're the queen. That's what you call little finger. Queens got some problems too. You know? I know. But you have family. You know, years for her problems. I know, but you have a whole lot of mouth for my problems.

You have the Asian friend that you have. I do. I have a great support system. Yeah. The beautiful one. My friends are awesome. Yeah. When's the last time Georgia look at you and I just feel so bad.

When's the last time you got some posted? Yeah. I mean, I look at you every fucking, don't lie. Saturday. Oh, Saturday. Tinder. Tinder hookup. Well, previously.

Yes. But it was a third. Repeat customer. Yeah. Is she a Tiger Billy fan? Do you ever hook up with Tiger Billy fans? That's your first thing about it. I feel like yes.

I already know. I did. And that was a. Good one. Mistake. No, that was. The one where you jizz in your own eye is that one. No, no, no.

I hooked up with a Tiger Billy fan and then the whole Jessica story came out and that stopped. So I already know who. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, I. I already know.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Yeah. I'm. At the recording. No. Look at me right now. So what you're trying to basically say to me right now. Okay.

This is serious business. Yes, sir. What you and I have right now is serious fucking business. What you're saying to me right now is that I cockblocked you. From Jessica. Oh, no, no, no, no, stop. No, stop. It's a double cockblock doll at once.

I did. I did a double cockblock. Yeah. Why would she stop talking to you? What about the double clock clock block? How do they do it? What do you mean? Tell me exactly what the situation is

because I'm kind of lost it. How did Bobby cock block you? How did I cock block you? If you say he cock blocked you twice. Yeah, I want to know how that transpired. The first one was Jessica. That's the first cock block. That's not cock blocking.

Save here. So that's the one cock block. Okay, aside from that. So I admit that I liked Jessica on the podcast. That was never gonna work because you never gonna work. You, you, you, you, you dropped the ball. I bear, yeah, I bear my soul. I look like a complete loser.

And then the tongue of the tongue of the tongue. You were at that time of complete loser. Tongue of the tongue. Yeah, you fucked that up. The girl who listens to the podcast. All the girls listen to it. Oh, this guy, this guy isn't the man he pretended to be now. Yeah, you cock block yourself, friend.

He turned this on you. You did a double cock block. Well, okay. Let me put this out. Let me just clear there for you. Girl who dumped George because of the Jessica story. Him and Jessica never even so much as kissed. Never even so much as when.

I know. We just stopped texting. I thought I was gonna get with Jessica so I didn't wanna like text her and like. Oh, so you just, oh. So you cock blocked yourself, bro. What you asked. You stopped texting her because you thought

that Jessica was gonna eventually acquiesce. How dare you, you fucking, you know what dude? See what white people do? Whoa, you just revealed that you just stopped texting yourself. See what white people do? I'm learning, Bobby. They spin. They spin and they do their little web

with a fucking white deceit. And they try to fucking get me like feeling bad about myself and my behavior when he did it himself. Apologize to me right now. Whoa, hell no. Oh. What?

What? The spin doctor's hair, the spin doctor's gonna make me apologize. Look at me right now. The spin doctor. Apologize for your deceit. For what deceit? Because you accused me of being a cock blocker

when you cock blocked yourself twice. I'm stressed. So apologize for that at least. I'm not gonna apologize that I got cock blocked. Apologize? Apologize. Apologize. You're gonna correct me now, god damn it.

Look at me right now. Yes sir. You have to, George. Or else we're never gonna move on from here. I'm sorry, ever. What? I'm sorry, ever. I don't know.

I look how it was, Bobby cock fucked you twice that you apologized for cock fucking yourself. Wow, this guy is the best. I had dreams last night of white people. I know. But this doesn't count though, because I'm not threatened by this fucking guy. You should be.

Bryce. No, it's not Bryce. It's a mask and a version of Bryce. Oysters are aphrodisiacs, right? Yes, they make me feel sexual. That's why I had sex dreams all night. That's why. Yeah, and who was it?

I need to tell me who it was. Oh yeah, me and Anderson Cooper were just totally just. Yeah. A game hit? Yeah. And I had the same dream, but with Kathy Griffin. But she's straight.

I know, I'm kidding. No, but Anderson Cooper, like I've always had a deep crush on him. I would get like gender reassignment surgery to have sex with Anderson Cooper. That's wrong. Yeah, I love Anderson Cooper. I would suck the shit out of his limb dick.

I love Anderson Cooper. You know what? I would probably suck Rachel Maddow's pussy. What do you have to suck it? No. It just, she's, there's a lot of liquid in there. Liquid. She's hot.

It's a long clit. Yeah. She's a bright lady. Yeah, she's really bright. I really like her a lot, but she's too left, right? A little too left for me to suck her pussy. No, just in general. Oh.

What, what'd you ask me? Nothing, nothing. Someone told me, I don't know if this is real or not, but someone told me that, you know how they have professional cuddlers? That apparently they have like professional dry humpers. And I really want to try, but I don't want you to be angry.

If you can get, okay, let's stop, stop, stop, stop. You can, you can get a professional dry hump. Yeah. You have number one. Yeah. I'm there. I have to be there. It's going to ruin my experience

and look at your face. No, it doesn't matter. No. God, that's so mean. The point is the escape of looking at someone else other than you. Okay, stop that. Forget that then.

I get to pick the guy. Oh, no, fuck, you're going to give me. Bro, George. Yeah, George. You're going to give me George. Come on, let it be George, please. Hey, Calyla, Calyla, I'm ready. George, I love you.

I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready, Calyla. George, I love you. I'm sorry, Bob. And when he does it, he doesn't even commit. I apologize, Bob. Like he barely does it.

Yeah, yeah. Oh my God. I'm going to say this right now. I'm not telling, I'm not just not a lie. If George dry humped Calyla, I would probably die from laughter. You'd be so okay. Not only I would literally die from laughter.

Like I would go into convulsions. My eyes would go, I would like be possessed by the devil. Like I would just be like just constantly just vibrating, laughing. Yeah. I mean, it would be, I would, from all the tears coming out of my eyes, I would die from like,

Wait, okay, so when people dry hump, do they get down to their underwear or is it with jeans? I want you to go naked with this fuck. Naked. That's the sex at that point. No, you can wear jeans, but I want him naked. You have to be so quick. So I'm political.

Yeah, yeah. You wear jeans and a little armor. Oh my God. Like a chastity belt? Like a chastity belt, yeah. Are my titties out? I'm sorry, I know that, I know women probably find you attractive.

And I love you like a brother. But I just find you, I just find you so humorous to me. Thank you. But not in a good way, not in a fucking good way. I find you to be like my fucking gesture, dude. Jester. Jester, is that what it is?

Yeah, yeah. But I enjoy you. And I'm glad that we met. I'm glad that we have a cosmic connection, you and I. Oh, cosmic. Yeah, yeah, you deserve an apologies from me. Can I get an apology, please Bob? Yeah, yeah.

When I first met him, I didn't like him. I really didn't. Okay. I was like, who's this guy? And he grew on me. You? He did, he grew on me. And I literally at nights pray to God, thanking them,

thanking God, them, all the gods. All the gods, yeah. That they put you in my life. Just for all the laughs. Why are you doing this? You're not really all the laughs that I got when I just look at your fucking face. I love it.

Thank you. And I apologize. I do. What, what? You got a problem? No, no, no. And if you ever fucking look at me and go, are you gonna go on that audition, right?

I swear to fucking God, you could die next time. Which one? Why are you threatened? You are, you're gonna go audition. Are we gonna have a real moment? You are so competitive with me. How? We're not in the same bracket.

Yeah, you are so fucking competitive. Last year you did the same thing, dude. Okay, you fucking booked it. I mean, this piece of shit, dude. We're not, listen, I want you to make it. You're gonna make it, all right? But don't be competitive with me, okay? Can I just touch your butt, please?

Yeah, you can touch it. Thank you. Go ahead. Was it okay? But I wanna say this, all right? Of course I'm gonna go out on that fucking audition, okay? I just, my response to you is always out of nervousness. You know, when I get this email,

like it says NBC, all that stuff. And, you know, are you, you know, and I see this letter and I have to, you know, I get nervous. But the reason I'm relaying this information to you is because your manager is out of town in Mexico. Where is she? She's in Mexico?

Abbey in Mexico. Until Sunday and she says Kalayla, you know, take care of everything this week. So my job was to receive emails and say, hey, Bobby, here's the script. But that's not until next week, right? We don't have the date set yet. Well, I'm not doing it this week

because I leave Thursday. Right, Bobby. What I'm saying is the only reason I didn't mean to stress you out, I just have to let you know of certain things on your schedule this week or else I'm letting her down. It's just for you to be happy. It's not to disrupt your day.

I also want to say this. I want everyone to boycott the movie. What's that dog movie? Oh yeah. The dog's purpose. The dog's die, yeah. The dog's purpose. The dog died?

Not a dog, they didn't die. They didn't die. Does it switch bodies? Does it switch bodies? Yeah, that's what the premise of it is. Yeah, but a dog's purpose because I saw a video there a day where a dog almost drowned.

Okay, there's German Shepherd. He just disappeared in the water. And then you're cut and then you don't see the dog. He doesn't want to be there. He doesn't want to be there. And there's this other one where the handler is hovering. The dog over the water, it's like a water, like a man made wave or something.

And the dog's freaking the fuck out. And it's like, listen, man, I never even thought that I would ever be like that. I used to fucking shoot kittens in the face with BB guns. I never did that. Bobby, you still also eat cows that are fucking slaughtered at a rate.

Fuck cows, delicious. Fuck cows, no. It's like you were kind of a little bit hypocritical. I know, you know what? You're right. It's like saying, it's like a cannibal saying, I don't eat Mexicans. What?

Someone please make that a t-shirt. No, it's like choosing preference. Yeah, if I met a cannibal, he should be like, I eat all people. Then I'd be like, ah, yeah, okay. I mean, I get your point of view. But if a cannibal's like, I only eat Mexicans and Greek people, then I'd be like, what?

That's weird. What race would you think would taste the best? Greek people. Mexicans, but they would be very, very difficult to catch. Well, yeah, you walk into a like a Mexican's apartment and there's 50 of them in there. I don't think the point. And they get to pretend you're part of the fiesta.

You go bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, and you start dancing. And then you lasso them? Not only that, it's like, if you're following a Mexican, they're better at topography and like, right? You know what? They know where the ditch is. You know, they know where to go. That's true.

I've never met a Mexican thinner, fat, younger, old that couldn't book it or run really fast. Yeah, they move. Do they're a thing? They're stereotypical, but they know about it. They know the valleys. They know that like, you know, I just think they're athletic.

Like I think they're genetically fucking fast on their feet. But as a cannibal, I think I would probably eat Samoans, right? Yes, marbled meat. Marbled? No, that'd be difficult too. It's just huge. I mean, you'd have to fucking have whale,

you know, spears and stuff to get them down. A team of people. Like, you need a crew. Like a harpoon? You need a harpoon and a crew. You don't need any of that. Yeah, you do. You'd need a boat to even get to the Samoa.

Oh, you would need a boat? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you're just throwing spears at them. You have Samoans in Long Beach, Bobby. Oh, there are? Plenty. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But probably, you know what?

I would probably do white. You'd eat white people? There are more of them? No, I'm talking about just- In America. Strictly the flavor of the meat. Oh. That's all I'm talking about.

Bobby's going to be deft about capturing. Yeah, who cares about whether you can capture them? I still think white people, not poor white people. Hipster. Not even hipster, but like white people that have like made money and they eat good, you know? Organic meat? Yeah, I think white people would be the cleanest meat.

I'm going to hold you. Hunt them in Whole Foods. What? Hunt them in Whole Foods. Yeah, right, right, right, right. We go to Whole Foods. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I don't think, I think you're wrong.

Who would you eat? I'd probably eat provincial Filipinos because their food is naturally organic because they don't have like money to inject, to give their chicken hormones and they don't have enough. Their diet is very based on very basic vegetable stews and then chicken and then fish.

Some lechon sometimes, but the really, really poor ones have a very basic clean diet that's not really, it's like on adulterating. Like on fire. But I would also only eat dudes. Why dudes? But they wouldn't catch on to me

because you know, like the police would find just the digs left and the, and the butthole. But why is that the reason why you don't eat dudes? What? I would eat dudes. Why not women? Because dudes are bigger. Oh.

There's more to it, right? I just, there's also rape attached. Like it's scraping when you're killing a woman. Oh, that's true. They're screaming, they're scratching. It's a guy, it's good for the guy, but they would know, but they would know, you know, because they have testicles and a dig

and just the butthole just there. Yeah. I would eat everything else around it though. Man, Bobby never eats the buttholes. He leaves that butthole the way it's. Yeah. You would eat the dick. You're supposed to utilize the whole animal.

You would eat the dick. The dick? Would I eat a long piece of tender, tenderloin? It's basically a pork tenderloin. All right. Yeah. What do they call it, lung shell? What, what is that?

It's like cow dick in the Philippines. We eat it. What the fuck is it called? Of course you eat it. You're the only one that eats cow dick. Of course you eat it. What the fuck is it called? Fuck it.

Come on, guys, it's a lung shell. Yeah, I think it's called lung shell. It's stew lung shell. Cow dick. Filisibu, I think. Georgia already eats people, I can tell. There's a tab. It is lung shell. Bull testicle, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the.

In Singapore, I hope we talk about this in Singapore that that restaurant that only serves animal dick and stuff. That's all they serve. Why is that such like a, a sh, like an, you know. But that's all they serve. I would be more freaked out if someone was like, hey, here's some like pig nails, like the actual like fingernails of pigs.

I don't eat the dick. I don't eat the dick. I don't eat the dick. Why? It's just fucking. But imagine if you're like, if your boss, like your boss is like, that's where we're going to go to eat. So you have to order, right?

Why not? So that I would order the smallest mammal. How about the mouse? No, no, no, like they pick me, they pick me possum. Which is like one of the smallest, right? But then I always imagine like, but then it comes to your table and it's like cereal. Like a thousand of them.

Oh, so it's not like one piece. You think you don't want to get one little piece, but it's like cereal and then you get the poor milk in it. Oh my God. Right. And then you're like, oh, I fucked up. I should have just got the dog in it. One giant dog in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like a cereal. Yeah. And then like you're chewing on it. It doesn't break apart. It's like rubber bands, right? So it doesn't ever break apart. You're like, so you just swallow it whole? I actually changed my mind.

I know who I'm going to eat. Like a home grown Texan. A home grown Texan with a little bit of meat on their bones. That's who I would eat. That seems like good, good, like it would last me a long time kind of meat. And I could like turn some into beef jerky and then the others I could eat now.

What celebrity would you eat? Oh, let me see. Mm. Oh. Mm. Yum. Who looks delicious to you? My favorite topic, cannibalism.

Bobby has a topic to tell the way. Who looks delicious? No, I'm just thinking, I'm thinking, who looks delicious? Iggy Azalea. Who? Iggy Azalea. Who is that? Dirty raccoon.

But just her butt part. But I don't even know if that's naturally her butt though. It's not real, it's not real. You know? Because I don't want silicone or injections in my mouth. I want like real meat. An athlete for sure. No, no, no.

You don't want too much like lean meat or else it'd be like eating venison. Never mind. Like you want something marbled a little bit. I would eat. I would eat him, I think. His belly. Right for the belly.

Me. Don't eat me. Pick someone else. Probably when Chris Pratt was heavier. Ooh. That's a nice meaty man. When he was heavier, yeah. He looked good.

Yeah, I love him. He's good. I don't think you can ever be friends anymore, are you? Why? If he hears this. He's so funny because I've, he's so funny because I've been to Chris Pratt's house. You have?

Yeah, because. Why, what's the story? Yeah, because I'll tell you why. Because Bethany Dwyer is a comedian. Her best friend is Anna Ferris, his wife. Also, Anna Ferris had done a couple of mad TVs and I did the dictator with her. So I know her.

Like if I saw Anna, it would be very nice. She's so nice. So I've been to her house, but Chris Pratt wasn't there. Right? And also, Anna Ferris wasn't there. I think Bethany was a house-eating, but I've been to his house. Very cool, Bobby.

Very cool. Creepy. What the fuck, you? Were you looking at the family photos like? No, I mean, I like being in people's house. I've been in Vince Vaughn's house. You're friends, friends with him. Yeah, that was at the time.

Yeah, and then I've been in, I've been in Pauly Shore's houses, different houses. I like people's houses. Eric Stone Street has a nice house. Where we at time? Probably not. 50. What?

50 hour? No, 50 minutes. We're at 50 minutes? When do we usually go? 50. To 50? Oh, he's so itchy. You can set it on the dot.

I set it on the dot? Yep. 50, 40 seconds. Are you running around with things to say, sir? No, but no. Sounded like it. He kind of gets it. What?

You kind of got it. You got it on 50. No, I have three hours of sleep. I was like kind of dreading doing this one because I was kind of like, I'm just delirious. And then Kalaila and I were had a little thing before. It's okay, we ended up talking about cannibalism, which is like fine.

We're not had a little thing before. Can you do me one last favor for the rest of the day? That's a whole 24, right? Just the last thing. And tomorrow I won't ask her anything. That's impossible, but okay. I'm hungry. Pizza.

What do you want to eat? I already ate pizza today, so it's got to be something different. Wow, you wait till midnight to ask me to get you some food. Is there Korean restaurants delivered? Probably. I could probably find something for you. What?

Or I'll go pick it up for you, I guess, your highness. No, you won't. No, you won't. What's the question? I'm helpful if left. I get next week. Steven, no, we're waiting. Why?

He's ready to do it. He's not ready to do it. He has my number. Yeah, but you never asked him. I did ask him. You going to see the text? Yeah. Yes.

All right. You asked him another day that you saw him, but not again. Yeah, I know, but I did ask him. And you have to do my podcast. He said, I'll do it. But then after that, I'm too afraid to ask. But how about this? I'm going to give you a deal.

I'm going to give you a deal. There's a couple of people that I want to get on before. OK. So I want to get Andrew Santino on. He's been asked for a lot. A lot of the comments want him. Yeah, I love Andrew Santino. And also, he's plugging his show.

So that'd be good. And then there was another name that I wanted to get before. I now remember. You said that we were going to have Steve O on. Steve O, we can get. So Steve O, right? And then how do you guys feel about Tom Green?

Yeah. Yeah, it's cool. I love Tom. I mean, there's a bunch of guys. You know what I mean? So we will get Steve O, Steve Ewan, right? But I'm just going to wait for a second. So I know you guys have been on my case about it.

But you have to understand that I'm, I don't. He's a pretty big star. And I don't want to feel intrusive. Are you weird about him coming to your home? No, I don't feel weird about that at all. Stone Street would do it too. I asked him. I asked Stone Street.

Stone Street will do it. So we'll work on all of them. But we also, you know, we never want to get to a point where we're relying on guests. That's what I'm saying. You and I should always be able to. Who was there last week? The black guy?

The black guy. The United States. The United States, right? Yeah. You mad at that? I said that? No. What?

Clara, why are you so upset? She gets weird when I are like seemingly racist. Yeah, but I'm not. I love all people. But my point is this, is that this is a good one. How does Steve's do? My brother has a podcast. You guys try to put it aside.

What? Our biggest one yet. No, no. How is Steve's podcast? Oh, Steve's podcast? Yes, it's a solo one. That's going great. It's really different.

Very weird. I love it. He's doing his own by himself? Yeah. And he talks for how long? It's a half an hour. Yeah. Perfect.

And what did he talk about? He sings a lot? Yeah. It's a visual podcast. It's very visual. It's not just an audio podcast. That's cool. Yeah, it's just his own.

We piloted it last week. We're going to shoot again tomorrow. Cool. And we're going to release it once it's ready. That's great. That's great. So Steve, my brother is doing it. And then he's going to get back on here to promote it.

Yeah. Awesome. You fucking battered that piece of shit. What do you mean? Go ahead. Unhopeful advice with Bobby at Kalilo. Hi, guys. My name is Romney.

And I want to ask you guys, especially Bobby, whether you think this was a molestation or was I just gay. When I was 10, my cousin, who was 14, forced me to suck his dick, then later penetrated my asshole. This happened a couple of times in a row. And I'm now 19 and I've never been in any relationship because it has fucked me up mentally

and I can't stop thinking about it. I'm afraid of getting a girl for now because I feel she judged me. How do I deal with my fucked up life? No, thanks. It's not. It's just being 19. OK, this is my opinion. Is some people win genetic lotteries.

OK. And those people in high school that are like the hot guy or the popular guy or the job later in life, they they don't get pussy. OK, they don't, generally. I think his question was, did you get molest? No, I'm going to I'm going to address that, babe. I'm going to address the white.

I'm going to address it. I'm going to address it. I'm going to address it. OK, so I think him being 19 as it is without the fucking ass raping, right? The people asked them so I was like, you know, I feel and not confident. I was like that.

I was unfuckable. I couldn't do it. I felt like because, you know, I had some gay shit in my past because I was molested and all that kind of stuff that it's probably that it wasn't that it was that I needed to find the confidence to go for the women that I wanted because the level of women that was presented to me at 19 just wasn't good enough.

And I know that maybe I wasn't physically like, you know, there, you know, but in my mind, Papa deserves the best. Right. So what I'm saying is that, yes, it did probably affect you. Right. It is a fucked up thing that happened. But let me tell you this right now. That's happened to so many dudes through the history of time.

Family members doing gay shit. Family members doing, you know, when you're growing up doing stuff or you're doing stuff with your friends that are like weirdly sexual, you know, people play doctor and stuff, kids and stuff. But also let's be clear. What he did to you was absolutely right. Wrong.

Oh, conflicting answers. No, you're right. I was going to say wrong. OK. It was absolutely wrong. He's a 10 year old child, probably overpowered by a bigger guy. But also like your concern about being open with women or being open with a girl about your experience

might be a little bit just out of your pure fear. Oh, by the way, Bobby's been holding his poop this whole time. Yeah. Yeah. I think that you should give girls a lot more credit for being understanding people. I think that when I was even, let's, I put myself back to being, let's say, 17, 18, and I meet a guy.

And if he were to tell me, hey, like I was molested at the age of 10, my cousin did this. I wouldn't think of him any differently. I wouldn't, it's just that kind of shit just happens. That wasn't your fault. You didn't have control over the situation. And I think you need to give women and girls more credit. I think that she'd be completely understanding of it.

And I don't think that she wouldn't want to fuck you because of it. You know, like it just seems unlikely that she would use that as a reason to not have sex with you. I mean, I'm having sex with someone who's voluntarily sucked multiple male dicks. Voluntarily. And if it doesn't matter to me, I think that it's not what happens to you isn't going to matter

to majority of women. And if it matters to her, she's a fucking dipshit. And you should just move on to somebody else. We're just not the right person for you. Also, don't make that your first thing you say, though. Yeah, I mean, don't open with, hey, I've been as raped. Don't do that. Yeah, I mean, this is also, it's none of her business

what happened to you at the age of 10. If you choose to never disclose that, that's also your, you know, that's also your right. But if it's something you feel the need to disclose because it's affecting you and it explains a lot of, like, the way you are, then yeah, disclose it. But I don't think it's going to push women away. Any shows for Bobby?

I haven't played Destiny in three weeks. That was a very quick shit. Did you wipe? No, three weeks. Three weeks. I haven't played Destiny for weeks, right? Yeah, about a month now. About a month now.

Good. So that's good. That's growth. And I have shows in Dallas this week at the Addison & Prop. Please come. Please, I need it. Yeah.

And then I'm in San Jose, February 10th through 12th. Oh my God. Why? You love it there. I love Hooman. Yeah, Hooman's the best. But my ticket number's there. I used to sell that fucker out.

It just hasn't been the same. It's a big theater, too. I used to sell that motherfucker out, but now it's been up in the same. But I compare my numbers to Joe Coy's, really, to be honest with you. He does so well. He's good at publicizing.

He does a thing where he has a masked email list. You know, it's from Gabriel Iglesias, Fluffy. He started the thing years ago. It's kind of genius, where you take a photo. You know how people want to take photos, but you do it with your own camera. So then they go to some sort of website or Facebook or whatever.

They take the photo, but then you get an email exchange, and you know? Is this an email list? I know, but it's a forced email list. It's a forced email list. And then they call in the town, they amass over the years, what, like hundreds of thousands of emails per city.

Then all of a sudden, they're selling out every show. Me, I don't do nothing. I phone, you know, but. You don't because you also don't want to. I think there's a part of you that wants to be a little more elusive. You don't want to be too mainstream. There is a little bit of that.

You're right. I think there is a little bit of me just kind of going. I like kind of just showing up and being weird. And I purposely weird, you know what I mean? Like, I'll just walk up to a waiter and a banger apple. And they just walk away. And they go, what the fuck? You know?

And then I like, you know, also. And I'm not going to pat myself on the back. But I've always been good to local comedians. And I'm going to tell you a story. I'm not going to name the guy, OK? But my host, OK, this kid named Josh, he always hosts for me in San Antonio. He requested another comic who I'm friends with,

who's probably bigger than me. And when he picked him up from the airport, he goes, hey, dude, I'm also emceeing your show. And the guy goes, no, you're not. He goes, why? Because I don't want you on the show. And so then Josh dropped him off at the hotel and then walked away all sad.

And when I hear comedians treating other younger comedians that way, it fucking drives me crazy. Because the thing is, is this. And it's been like this through the history of fucking time, OK? Is that these comedians, like I told you about Judd Apatow and Jeff Garland in Addison in 19,

the club I'm playing this weekend, there is a file cabinet in the office. And it says old lineups. They have lineups from the 80s. And like, just like in this file. And I opened up just one random one, 1990, because that was the year I graduated from high school. And I saw Diane Ford headlining.

Nobody knows who the fuck she is. But Jeff Garland from Kirby Enthusiasm was featuring. Judd Apatow was emceeing, OK? Let me tell you this right now, OK? I don't know what Diane Ford, probably nice lady. But if she wasn't, and she wasn't nice to Jeff Garland and Judd Apatow back then, do you think that they would ever help her when she needs it?

No. Right? That's why kids like Jack Knight, I know, is going to be a big star. To hands down, a lot of these kids, you never know. So, you know, my thing is just be nice to everybody, be supportive if they have advice. And there is something about, there was this little Asian kid

in San Antonio. He was like, he was small. He reminded me of a Pikachu from San Francisco. And he was there. I took him to diner, like a bunch of comics. And he's in and out of comedy. Like, he doesn't know, you know? But, you know, he's asking me questions.

I give him direct answers. And it's like, you're being at service. It doesn't cost you anything to be nice to these. Younger guys. It really doesn't cost you anything. Yeah. And a lot of these headliners, they treat them like shit. The things I hear, I don't know why they do that.

And I kind of, you know, when Josh told me that, this old MC, I said, I'm going to call him right now, please don't. I was, you know, I wasn't kind of, but I wanted to. I wanted to, because he's a friend of mine. I wanted to call him go, dude, what the fuck are you doing? What are you doing? You know, you're, first of all, number one, he's not that big of a star.

You know what I mean? He's not Chappelle. He's my level. When you're at my level, you can't afford that to be like that. And I was at the airport too, you know, this morning. And there were a lot of military kids, 18. And I don't know, man. They were just so kind and I hugged them.

I love hugging military kids. No, I do. I do. I really, I really, I'm grateful for their service. OK. Follow us on Instagram at TigerBelly on Twitter at the TigerBelly or email us any questions, like the folks today at thetigerbelly at gmail.com.

No, because I wasn't, I didn't say K, because I have anything. Betrayal. Get up, that's your payment for the betrayal. Dude, you guys, he's been treating me like dog shit all day. Don't forget to write us on iTunes, please. No, you have to do the lips. I'm not going to kiss you back. I won't kiss you back.

I'm really vulnerable. I'm so tired. I love you so much. I won't move my lips at all. You can kiss my lips, but I won't kiss back. No, I won't. I won't do it. This is really interesting to watch.

Did I kiss him back? No, right. Would you say George? Don't forget to write us on iTunes, please, guys. It helps a lot. And you can check out all Bobby's shows at bobbylealive.com. You can follow Kalyla and all our shenanigans at Calamity K across all social media platforms.

If you want to mail us anything, the address is 1626 North Will Cox Avenue, number 161, Hollywood, California, 900-28. We still don't. Maybe. Could be. Someone else might get it. No, we're going to get it.

I just wanted to do a quick shout out to your mom and your dad. Who I met this morning. What did my dad talk to you about? I love your dad. I love that I can speak beside somebody. Could you see the difference between him, though? He's very like that. And then my mom is more like reserve.

Your dad's a showman. Your dad is like, you know, he was like telling us all the jokes that he would do in like his early standup. But he was so cute. Your dad's like a, but your mom's my kind of gal. She's very like direct, like no bullshit. Very, I like her a lot. Yeah, she was kind of starstruck to see.

Me? She kept looking at me like, is she pretty or is she not pretty? No, it's what you said. She told me, I was like, I was like, when you talk to class, she's like, yeah, I was looking at it first from a distance while your papa was doing his annoying thing, whatever. And then I was just watching me like, yeah,

that's the one on the screen. She was like, examining your features to see if you ever just say. No, but she couldn't say it. She's gonna be so pissed when I'm saying this. She's like, yeah, she's pretty in real life too. No, she said I was prettier in real life. I was like, damn it, I probably don't come off very good.

I'm not photogenic. Ma, don't say that. No, but I loved your mom. Thank you for the t-shirts and the pastillas. They're very tasty. What was given? Pastillas. She gave you stuff?

Yeah. At the fucking show? Yeah, she got me two t-shirts and some candy from the Philippines. Ma, she's more Filipino than you. She doesn't need that stuff. No, she was great. So shout out to your mom and dad.

They were awesome. Thanks for coming. Yeah, you were. George? Yeah, George, where the fuck were you? You were an industry invite. I've been working all week. I'm kidding.

I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding, man. I'm kidding. Wait, hold on. So you were working. You couldn't come Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday.

I'm kidding. I'm fine. He told me I was busy. You missed out because he was so good. I heard great things. Thank you. Jim Tucker said it was great. Who's Jim Tucker?

He's been helping out with the website. He came to the show. Yeah, shout out to him, yeah, said very funny, very physical, loved all your stuff. Nice. Jim Tucker, thank you for coming. Anything other announcements for us, Tiger Belly wise? We have a new website. Have we said that yet?

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Let's wait to advertise until we got a website. Kidding. Don't go there. Yeah, yeah, wait. No, we don't have a website yet. Don't, we don't have it.

Joke. It's not thetigerbelly.com. Reddit? Anything I read it going on? Not Bobby was trending on videos, but number two. Oh, was he? Yeah, on the Joe Ideas podcast. Cool.

But that'll be done trending by the time this comes out. So. Oh, I just. That was as we got guys. That wasn't. No, that was not George Ormey. I want you to know that was Khalilah's body. Apologize, guys.

Also, Bobby is going to be on The Fighter and the Kid this week. And Kalilah, if you guys want Kalilah to get on The Fighter and the Kid. Shut the fuck up, you bird. No, because I want to see you on there. Yeah. If you want Kalilah and the Fighter and the Kid,

you go tweet her right now. And give her the support. Let me just make this very clear for you guys. Very clear for you guys. I appreciate that you guys think that I'm worthy. But also, they are a business, right? And they are also in the business of getting, just like us, of getting views and downloads, right?

Bobby Lee is the name. Bobby Lee deserves to go on The Fighter and the Kid because he is the name. And I rest my case. I am nameless, and I do Tiger Belly with you guys. So I don't push that. I'm not going to push it. It makes me uncomfortable.

But counter. It makes me uncomfortable when you guys push it. You made that face, I won't push it. You know I really want you to. Thank you for thinking that I could be on there. Because you killed it on the, you know you killed it. But that was a last minute replacement. I had, that was a last minute.

Oh, I guess Bobby doesn't know. At that time, Bobby hadn't brushed up on a lot of MMA. And he pushed me. He was like, but my girlfriend kind of knows. So I was like, oh, shit. You know, I guess. You weren't a Mexican. Oh, shit.

No, I really had an oh, shit moment. I was like, I, OK, I guess. Couldn't tell. But I can't, we won't push you. Yeah, don't, don't. Because it's kind of gross. But you should, shut up. All right, guys.

That's our show. Thanks for listening. All right, see you guys next week. Ciao. Say bye, Gobi. Gobi. Gobi. Gobi.

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