TigerBelly - Episode 8: The Corruptibles

Episode Date: October 16, 2015

We love you, here's a Bonus Belly. Gilbo Baggins receives a questionable text from Khaly. Somebody among us still eats boogers. Khaly says sorry from the bottom of her troubled heart. Blacksack says hello.   Recorded October 14, 2015 Music by Bobby Lee   Instagram: @tigerbelly Twitter: @thetigerbellySee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

You're listening ad-free on Wondery Plus. You want me to start? Yeah, go ahead. Hi, it's Kalaila. This is Tiger Belly. I'm here with Bobby and Gilbo. Good energy. The energy is amazing. You guys wanted me to start the show.

That's how I started. Welcome to Tiger Belly. This is Bob, Kalaila, and Gilbert, and we're back together again. This is our second one this week because we're pumped and we're ready to go. It's a special anniversary episode. Happy anniversary, baby.

We don't actually have an official anniversary because we don't remember the date of when we first met, so we made up October 15th, which is fine. It's a crazy day because last night, I did a show at the comedy store, and I got off. Then I had a show at the improv,

so I went over there and then I came home and I met Eric Griffin in space. We're playing Destiny. Then while I'm playing Destiny, Bob from the other room, I go, what, did somebody get shot at the comedy store? I go, I don't know. Then you Googled it, right?

No, it wasn't. The news wasn't out yet, so people had just been tweeting about it and putting these pictures on Twitter, but nothing was confirmed. No deaths were confirmed. I saw that Red Band had posted that someone had actually died

or something to that effect. And I just feel so guilty because Eric and I didn't stop playing. They didn't. Wait, you kept doing your soup. Oh, that's a good joke. No, we kept playing. Oh, really?

Yeah, it's not a joke. I didn't, and I feel bad about it, but in number one, I don't know who got shot. It could have been a dear friend of mine. But we were... But that's what Destiny Addiction does to you. No, that's not true. We have a mission.

You know how... You gotta do your mission. When you're an addict, in the beginning of Narcos, they explained that when you're an addict or even when mice are addicted to cocaine, they choose cocaine over sleep, sex, and food. That's not what it is, man.

I had concern in my heart about whoever got shot. And then when I told him, like, hey, okay, go ahead. Anyway, then we did the... We did a raid, but we did a strike. What's a strike? It's a three-man strike.

My brother, Eric, and I did a heroic strike. And when it was done, then I texted Adam Egett, who's the booker of the comedy store, because he was there. Okay. And he... saw the guy die.

At his home. Holy shit. Oh, he saw him get shot. Well, no, the guy got shot at the welcome mat, at the patio in the comedy store. Yeah, the patio where we all hang out, right? We always hang out. And then what happened...

Well, we don't even know, really, but what happened was some guy was standing out there, right? And then some other dude jumped out of a car, shot him seven times, and then went back in the car and drove away. Yeah, he's still at large. He's still at large, right?

Yeah, well, sort of... And what's fucked up about it is that there were no comics involved, right? So it's like nobody that I knew... You know, death is sad no matter what it is, right? Whoever dies, it's a fucking sad thing. But in general, something like that hasn't happened at the comedy store

for, like, 15 years. But that shit used to happen all the time, not murders, but, like, you know, the comedy store was always known for, like, drive-bys, right? Is it the comedy store? Just that area is super sketch, right? No, because we used to have Fat Tuesday, right? Okay.

So during Fat Tuesdays, which is a fucked up night, which is Tuesday night, you know, in the 90s, you would have these nights that have every comedy club had it, like, that Laugh Factory had Chocolate Sundays, right?

And then Improv had Freaky Mondays, and the comedy store had Fat Tuesdays, which is all quote-unquote urban nights. And they would... And the comedy store would have, you know what I mean, these incidences where there was, like, gunshots and stuff, you know what I mean?

So you're saying that urban nights are directly correlated to... No, I'm just saying if there's a higher, like, a higher amount of people during urban nights that are... Okay, I won't... You know, listen, I'm not... I don't know.

I don't know the stats on that. All I know is that it just happened in those nights. You could be right. I could be. I don't know. But I think just overall, though, just Sunset Boulevard is just super sketched. Like, I always see...

Hollywood in general freaks me the fuck out. Like, I always tell my sister this, or I tell anybody this. When I go to downtown L.A. and I come across transients, homeless people, people who are circling, because they're in full-blown psychosis, talking to themselves,

that doesn't freak me out at all. It's the meth heads in Hollywood that freak me out. I feel like they're the most dangerous types of people. A jack-in-the-box just now, right? I'm literally ordering, right? And this is what I hear. I swear to fucking God.

Or that, right? What the fuck is that, right? And then, look, you know how you have that little menu, right? You roll down the window to the drive-through. Yeah, the one around Sunset, right? You roll down the thing. On the ground is a man, right?

No shirt, skateboard, spider tattoo right underneath his eye, and he's going... Like, just like, you know what I mean? And I'm like... That's some alarming shit. It's fucking scary.

Yeah, but that's Hollywood. You know what I did? You did it back to this dude? I went... I went back to him. Oh, he's just communicating. Yeah, because, you know, if you don't talk in his language, right,

there could be a misunderstanding. Yeah. And all of a sudden, he's like, you know, stabbing him in the neck with a knife. So, you know, that's what you do. Whenever you see a crazy person, yeah, making a noise,

like, if you're on Venice and some homeless goes like, right, then you go, back. And then they go, then you lock eyes and then there's an understanding. Why are you laughing?

I'm being real. Why are you laughing? I know Venice people go, they do. They do. Okay. You know what I mean? And then you just do it back.

Yeah. And there's community. If you go, what? Then you're not on the same planet. There's a problem. And there's a fucking problem there. Okay. It's actually really good advice.

It's very good advice. I've been alive for 44 years because of it. Just mirror. Just mirror it. Right? Or you do this. You, if they start talking in gibberish,

you just respond. Like you try to interpret what they're saying. Oh. Yeah. And you go, I love Donald Sutherland. Oh, I won't kill you then. Yeah.

Yeah. That's what you answer back. You know what I mean? Like you, you kind of understand. Yeah. You say face. Yeah.

I sent Gilbert the picture of my bloody panties today. Yeah. Can I just say that your girlfriend's a little fucked up. Oops. She said her period's a little late. And I guess there was a flood.

The damn broke. And it was a lot of blood. She sent me a picture of her panties. That's disgusting, sweetie. Thank you. Okay. I didn't know if that was a normal thing. It's not a normal thing.

But I feel like looking back. You know what she did the other day? You know what she did the other day? No. Was it more disgusting? Please reveal. She took a shit. That's fine.

She's a human being. That's normal. Human being. I'm sorry. Look at her face now. How angry. She flushed it. Right?

But I looked in the toilet and I sort of fucking got it. There was a nickel size. Look at me right now. I can't look. Just look at me right. A nickel size, right? Piece of poop. That was gray.

What's wrong with that? Who has gray shit? That means she's not fucking eating vitamins or something. I'm eating straight metal. Iron. It was like a gray little piece of poop in there. I flushed it. Also this baby, just like FYI, all right?

When you shit, you flush once, right? Sometimes, right? There's residue. You should take your own advice. I see piles of shit in the bathroom all the time. Okay. Are you angry with me? No, I'm not.

So what? It's our anniversary. I'm sorry. If anyone should be angry at me because I had a picture of panties with chocolate smears all over the place. For no reason. Give me the photo. Show them the text.

Show them the text. Initially, I was looking back because he was like, why did you send me pictures of your bloody panties? And I was like, well, you must have done or said something to deserve it. Absolutely not. Right? And so I look back at the text conversation. I was like, he probably provoked me somehow.

So I look back at it right now and it turns out he didn't say anything to provoke it. So the conversation went like this, a text message. He sends me a poster of the Robbie Lawler versus Carlos Condit January 2nd fight. Exciting. And then he goes, who you got? Your boy, Condit. And I said, I love Condit so much. And then the next text goes day one, super light flow, similar to what day five looks

like resembles a chocolate smear. And then I sent him that picture. I'm not going to lie. I gagged. I gagged. I bled. I didn't even laugh at first. Baby, what is that?

I don't know. I had a moment of just like. It looks like a roadside in Baghdad. I mean, is this an IED? What the fuck is this? For starters, you guys should be really happy that I actually started to bleed because it was that pent up, thick endometrial lining that was staying up there that was causing all my hatred in the other podcast.

What color is that though? Chocolate. That's chocolate panties. It's chocolate panties. Oh, also you guys should know that who's fucking cell phone keeps going off. Not me. Oh, that's mine. Anyways, you know that.

Whoa. Time out. Let's back up a second. It's mine. It's mine. You're about to punch. What is your fucking problem right now? I'm trying to be peaceful.

Gosh. You're not being peaceful. You're the instigator. All right. I'm sorry. Let's regroup. All right. Well, I was somebody died last night.

What the fuck is going on? Okay. I don't care what I was trying. I'm sorry. I care. I do care. Retraction. No, don't retract that.

Put it out there. All right. Put it out there. What I meant to say was I care very deeply, but that I wanted to get my point across earlier, which is that if you have a pimple, like one of those cystic ones, Filipino moms believe that if you rub period blood on it, that it'll actually fix the pimple. So what I'm saying, that little friend you have on the side of your face. There's no benzoyl in the Philippines.

My family doesn't do that. Yeah. We don't do that. Yeah. Filipino, like my mom, like when we, when the girls in the Philippines, they get their periods. It's like a traditional thing. They don't bottle it.

No. What they do is it's like a, no, they don't bottle the blood, but they do like, oh, if a girl gets her period, they do this like ritualistic thing where you have to hop three steps and then your mom like, um, slaps you in the face with a flower, like with petals and stuff. It seems like an elaborate bit. They get a kabo, you know, like, um, a little like glass of water and then like, they sort of like baptize you.

All right. I'm not kidding. That's what you do. Yeah. And then if you have like acne, then they just smear bloody panties and I don't know why that when she was talking, it reminded me of this. I froze my sperm ones. Is this when you tried to give it to Ari?

Yes. Yeah. Did I talk about that already? Yes. Yeah. Not in detail. You just said it. But how many times have you frozen your sperm?

Just that one time, right? Yeah. And I froze it. Right. I wanted to collect it. Uh huh. So I put it into like a little, like a shot glass. Yeah.

So I nutted this shot glass, right? I froze it, right? And then I nutted it again. I froze it. So it was layers. So it was layers, right? It's like a twice baked potato. Yeah.

And then when it, when I thought it, right, it was just water, you know what I mean? And then it's like, and then I'm going to pour, how am I going to pour that in somebody's beverage? And then, and then also, did you want it to be creamy? Yeah. I was taping it too, to prove that I was doing it. But then it's like, what if I put it in his beverage, which was what my plan was. And then I gave him the video like, look, right?

He drank it. He would kill me. Did you ever tell Ari this? Oh yeah. He said, I would have killed you. Well, you shit on my car. Yeah. But you're feeding him your DNA.

But that doesn't sound so bad to me. Go ahead. Put sperm in my drink every day. Like that's not offensive to me. I don't care. Unless you had like some type of like disease, like HIV that could be transmitted through bodily fluids. Go ahead.

Nut in my juice. I don't care. It's more of a manly. It's more of a thing like dude, like sipping on jizz and juice, right? Like if I, if you just drink my jizz, like if your jizz was ever in my mouth, you'd be very upset. If I wasn't only upset, I would go fucking blood crazy. I'll fucking kill you dog.

Yeah. You don't mean, right? No, I would have. Yeah. Like if I said, hey, that hamburger I got you at in and out, right? I nutted inside it and I gave you a video. You would just go fucking hog wild. No, there's no laughing at.

No. No, no, no. You would just kill me. Hey, can I say sorry to that fan? Oh yeah. We got to. Okay. I want to say that.

Okay. We'll say sorry to that fan first. But first of all, we'll get to that. I just want to get through this dead, the death from last night. Okay. It's, it's, it's, we live in a world right where people die and it's a fucking sad thing. But when it happens in a place that you work, it's even more shocking and it's like, I don't know who's involved.

I don't know who the killer is or whatever, but it's just like, I feel bad for the victims family and I'm sorry. And I know this is, I'm a comedian. It's hard for me to say that, you know, it is because I want to make everything in a joke, but it's fucking serious and it's like a guy died, you know, and Adam Egett saw him die. But how come, how come when I said, Oh, like I showed you the news clip of ABC seven and showing the comedy story, it was an aerial shot and I was like, Oh, here, like watch the news.

It's like, you know, an actual like footage of the comedy store, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't say it. Okay. You know, I said, I said this, I'll say it. Go ahead. And he goes, Oh, let me see. It goes, Oh, it's so sad. My name's not on the marquee.

Wow. They took it all. They took my name off the marquee. Retract. What? Can I say sorry to that fan now? I'm sorry that fan for, I'm sorry that I was on a, on a menstrual rage and I, I chose to bully you about your Instagram and also you fucking cocksuckers who went to the

dad fans Instagram and said at tiger belly, go fuck yourself. I don't want him to know that we talked about him. I don't want him to know. I want to follow him for the rest of my life. I don't want him to block me. I liked the guy. It was fucking Kalilah that fucking went on the fucking rant. It was my fault.

Yeah. So it's like, dude, follow dad, but don't comment, right? Because what you guys are going to end up doing is that he's going to end up blocking me and you're going to take away my joy. You're going to take away my daily obsession at like taking an hour out of my day to look at his page and you're just taking, why would you take that type of happiness away from me? I think everyone, everyone, listen to this should follow him and follow him.

It's a good, it's a good Instagram. Anyways, I'm, I'm, what I'm, I'm not, why are you laughing? I know, but why the fucking panface? Why the fucking laughing? I felt like laughing because I still stand by my statement. What is it? I do not like dad fans. Fuck you.

Okay, that's fine. That's besides the point. The point was, I felt like I was bullying somebody and it wasn't warranted and he's just trying to, you know, live a life as a starving artist and it's not, I didn't have a right. He's a singer-songwriter, man. He is a singer-songwriter. What are you laughing?

You fucking, I'm not laughing, man. He's a hashtag singer-songwriter and don't you forget it. So yeah. Anyway. I said my piece and I feel remorse. I'm sorry, dad. My girlfriend's fucking crazy. I want to be a responsible podcaster and I want to hold myself accountable for things

that aren't warranted and that wasn't warranted, although my offer still stands that if you need help with your Instagram, I mean, I think that that would be helpful, but I don't think he'll ask. So let's just move on from it. I mean, you know, he's a, listen, just the last thing I want to say about it is that he at one point, one, you know, a national TV show, a competition, the first of its kind, right? And it's like, that's an accomplishment, you know what I mean?

And that's winning. All right? So let's just move on from it. All right? Dad, keep doing what you're doing. Why are you laughing, man? Sorry. That was me.

That was me that laugh. I'll fucking kill you, dude. Sorry. I have my balls out. He was laughing. Yeah. Yeah. All right.

So, um, have you seen the movie or the documentary Cartel Land? Gilball Baggins? No. There's a new documentary called Cartel Land. What? You're wailing your toes as you say. I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck.

Don't time it with your words. Gilbert. First of all, number one, you were supposed to be just the engineer, right? And now we're giving you a fucking, we got your mic, we got your fucking mic, right? And now you're fucking sassy-passy, is that a thing? Sassy pants? Sassy pants? All right.

Listen. All right. Just chill. Don't be a dick. So Cartel Land is a documentary about, um, an uprising. So you know, in, in Mexico, in certain regions in Mexico, you have like a very, very like thick presence of drug cartels, right? So this particular documentary focuses on the, um, the area of Michoacan.

And there's this guy, he's just like a small town doctor who basically gets frustrated with the fact that, um, the cartel has taken over Michoacan. And so he starts this uprising. So he starts recruiting all these people and they call themselves the auto-defensa and they basically go against the cartel and they arm themselves and it's basically like almost like a civil war against, um, the cartel. And it's, um, the lady who did the Hurt Locker, Catherine Bigelow, she did this documentary. But the other part of the documentary is about America's side of, um, the whole drug war.

And so these people, or it's like a paramilitary. It's almost like vigilantes who are not, who aren't, aren't actually part of a military. Yeah, they're not border patrol. They're like vigilantes who just want, who are taking it, like, um, who are, um, basically, um, um, living in the Arizona border who are taking matters into their own hands who are just like, we're going to stop this whole like seeping in of Mexican drug cartel people. Right. So it's like, um, and me and Bobby started talking about it.

And it's so hard when you live in a place like Mexico and when you let's, or even when you watch like Narcos, right? And all those Colombians who eventually got paid off by Pablo Escobar. So the question is, are you somebody who is corruptible or incorruptible? Would you be someone who get, who could get paid off with drug money and actually joined a cartel or could you stand your ground and say, you know what, I'm going to make this, this small amount for the rest of my life because I want to be a good Mexican citizen and I don't want to give Mexico, Mexico up to, to the cartels.

How do you guys answer that? He thought he was corruptible. I think I, I don't know. I'm so corruptible. I don't even fucking know dude. I want money. I like, I'll make math. I'll sell babies.

What? I don't doubt that. I mean, if I lived in Mexico, do check it out. I was born in a shack, you know what I mean? And my dad, like, you know what I mean? He's like, whatever the, I don't know what they do there. Right. Leaf, leaf blower, man.

Your mother fucking, whatever, whatever. I don't know what they do there. Right. He's a black body. He makes wood things. Okay. Fine. Yeah.

Carpenter. Yeah. Yeah. He makes wood things. He makes wood things. Right. Or whatever they do. Right.

Yeah. And he's making like two pesos a day. Right. And I'm going, how am I going to get pussy? Number one. Number two. How am I going to get like, you know, a car, a house? You know, just survival things.

Yeah. Just survival things. Right. Then I'm going to go. I can make math. I can sell babies. So bad. I want to say human trafficking.

But when you say human trafficking, there's so many bad connotations. But I feel like, I feel like you wouldn't be able to kill anybody. I can't kill. That's the only thing. Well, you'd be useless to the cartels. You're telling me you're not corruptible with a little bit of money in your face. Um, you know what? I'm not.

I think obviously I'm not a hundred percent sure. She would be the fucking queen in it. Prostitute of Mexico. Like the Heidi Fleiss. No. Like a madam. You would. Kalilah would be walking down the street in Mexico and all you would see is a hole.

I'm being honest. Is that, is that a black hole? And then you close or no, that's a human being. And then you go, oh, that's Kalilah. Why my vagina? Baby, you would fuck you. You would, you would use your sexuality to make money and to get ahead if you lived in Mexico.

Is that what you really think of? No, that's not what I'm saying about you now. I, you both were like, like, where's your survivor? The slums. You're a survivor. No, I know, but there's, I think that your true character still carries over even in, in moments of like absolute like survival necessity. Like I still think that I number one, I don't think I'd be able to, to, I think I would

want to preserve my country. And this is the problem that goes on even in the Philippines, Gilbert. It's like, you know, the money is concentrated in the small elite, you know, small elite percentage of people. And, and the question is always like, okay, you, you, you elect somebody who appears or is seemingly honest, but what's their level of corruptibility? And you don't know that until it's in front of their face or until they're in that position. And that's why I don't think I will never know until I'm in that position.

Like I can sit here and promise I'm going to be a great person. But it's like, I've never been in those circumstances. Like I really, truly want to believe that I, I, I would never sell out my country. But at the same time, it's like what Pablo Escobar offers everybody. He says like Plata or Plomo. He's like, do you want money or do you want lead lead? Meaning like he's going to kill you, right? And so it, it, you know, I know Bobby, his answer is always easy.

It's like, yeah, I'll take the money, sell the babies, fuck it. No, you know what I just thought about it. What you just said is I really don't know. I could have been a priest. No, but you go from fucking selling babies to being a fucking priest. Baby, you, it, here's what it is. And this is the little I know about life. Okay.

Oh, you would be a priest because you'd fuck little boys. Baby, that's fucking. Oh, your dream come true. There you have it. Olders for youngers, but like priest edition. Oh, a callback. Wow. We're all products of our environment.

Okay. So it depends on what my parents, you know what I mean? Who my parents were, how they raised me, genetics and all that stuff. Okay. So I don't know. I'm only talking to you, you know, because of my, the, the filter that I grew up in, you know, and my perspective. All right.

So what I'm saying is that you don't know your heart. I know my heart. My heart is pure and my whole heart is gold. You know, it is for sure. Yeah, but people can buy and sell gold. Your heart has to be pure than that. Bitch, I've never even fucking bitch, bitch. I never even fucking punch nobody.

Oh, you put sperm in somebody's drink. I didn't do it. I didn't do it though. True. Yeah. At the last second, my heart, his gold heart, don't be a dick. You're being a dick. You're being condescending.

No, I'm not. You can melt gold and basically sell it. No, what I meant is, okay, not gold then. My heart is pure. Is that better? Your heart is just, yeah. But you got to know. I have a pure heart, dude.

You know what? I have brave heart. Oh, good. Yeah. That was good. I fight for my country. Nope. Nope.

No, I won't. Nope. My point is this, I don't know. All right. But in this life, I've never cheated anybody. I've never killed anybody. Do you know what they say? What?

People say beware of declarations. People who continually... Oh my God. She thinks I'm a fucking serial killer or some shit. The people who always... The way she talks? Listen. What I'm saying, it's always the people who say,

I've never done this. I'm not this. I am this. Bitch, why are you with me then? If I'm a fucking crazy. Because I'm crazy too. There we go. There we go.

We work out. And I call you out on this shit that, you know... There we go. All the time. Yeah. Okay. There we go. I mean, that's the one key factor in our relationship that I love the most.

And I feel like it makes it an efficient relationship. It's the fact that it's always open communication to the point, almost to a fault. Yeah. Like there's never anything I won't say to him or confront him about. Not in like a... Like an angry way. Fucking killer today.

And there's nothing that he wouldn't like confront me about. Who me? Yeah. Why? I don't talk about it. We're not going to talk about it. Yeah, Bob wasn't going to fucking kill her today. Yeah, but there's certain things that I feel like no one else is going to tell him.

Because he's Bobby Lee, right? I'm a loser. I'm a fat loser. What are you talking about? You're not a loser. You're extremely talented. Trust me. If you weren't talented, I would not be attracted to you.

I'm sorry. I like people who are good at their craft. I'm letting you know now. If you were just some fucking sea comedian, right? Yeah. I would never go to your shows. I would probably cringe. I'd be like, no, like that.

I would... It would make me uncomfortable. I like people who are great at their craft. Why are you fucking showing us your fucking ballsack right now? No. He's showing me his ballsack. My dick. Is your dick darker than that?

Gilbo? No, don't take a photo of it. This is for promotion. No, no, don't take a photo of it. Take a photo. You guys, Bobby has... He has a Filipino dick. I know.

Soft, dark dick out right now. Yeah. But it's not even facing me. He's trying to put it in Gilbert's face. He's trying to put it in my mouth right now. Baby, put it back in. I'm sorry. It's our anniversary.

Not you guys' anniversary. Oh, shit. Oh, dude. Check it out, too, okay? If you have Netflix, right? You got to watch the documentary, How to Die in Oregon. In Oregon. You know what it's about?

Explain to them what it's about. Are we fucking saw that documentary? It's How to Die in Oregon. Just watch a lot of documentaries. We do. We love it. We love it. That's basically all we watch.

I watch movies, too. There's narrative films. Hey, dawg, I watch all kinds of entertainment, dawg. All right? All right. I watch YouTube videos. I watch it from the beginning to the end. Okay?

Now listen to me right now. All right? This documentary. Explain it to them because I can't explain it. At all. Like, I don't... The synopsis of the film. I mean, that's it.

That word. I don't even know that word. All right. Clala, what's the synopsis of the film? So it's basically about the Death with Dignity Act and only a few states in the United States legalize... You know what a physician-assisted suicide is? So basically, if you're diagnosed with a terminal illness, you have the right to end

your own life. But you can only do it in Washington, in Oregon, and a few other states. I think it just got legalized in California. But that's basically what the documentary is about, and it follows four different people. And one of... You have a crippling disease, right? You're going to die, all right? And you're just in so much pain and suffering, right?

In most states in this country, you can't get assisted... What do you call it? Well, it's physician-assisted suicide. So the argument is always this, right? It's like, why doctors don't agree with it is because it's like, well, it's cheap... It costs a lot less when you die quickly. People aren't making money off of you anymore. So I think that there's a hidden agenda there.

I don't think it's that hidden, as a matter of fact. I'm sure pharmaceutical companies lobby against this all day long because it's like, look, I would rather have, if I were a lobbyist for a pharmaceutical company or if I represented them, I want someone sick for five years versus sick for three months. But they hide it with the whole religion thing, right? Right. So they tie in with this religious thing, like... How they frame it.

Yeah. They're in for boots. Frame it like you're going against God's will and God's natural way or timeline. And my thing, like, for instance, that woman, that woman who she started like... It wasn't always legal in Washington at first, and then her husband died like a really, really, really painful death. Yeah. And the husband basically told this lady, like, look, or it told his wife, like, you

have to keep fighting this cause. You have to keep fighting it on my behalf because I don't want anyone to die the way I'm dying right now. And she went on to fight, fight, fight until she made it legal and she helped make it legal in Washington. And it was really, really touching. There was one point where she was outside. There was some sort of press conference or whatever, and across the street are like Christians

with their, Christians with their, like, you know, with kids around them holding up signs like Jesus doesn't want you to do it. Dude, it's my fucking life. Yeah. If I'm fucking, it isn't my fucking body. If I want to do whatever I want to do with my fucking life, I want to do it. Yeah. What are you fucking, you know?

And here's another thing. It's like when they say, oh, women can't do that, whatever, it's not a woman, it's your body. Can I play devil? Yeah. I want to say, yeah. Can I play devil's advocate? I mean, I don't want to, you know.

Yeah. Can I play devil's advocate for a quick second? Yeah. Play it. And only because when I was in, in high school, I had to debate about physician assisted suicide or euthanasia, but I had to be, I was forced to be on the opposing side of the debate. I thought euthanasia at one point was kids in Asia, by the way. I really did.

Euthanasia. I swear to God. I thought at what age? Until like two years ago, I thought like euthanasia was like kids, like I was going to join the movement of euthanasia. Yeah. I thought that was a thing that you could like pay for, like a profit, non-profit. So I had to be on the opposing before I was rudely interrupted, euthanasia.

No, I really thought, anyway, let's move on. So anyways, I had to be, I completely agree with physician assisted suicide, right? Like I support it, but I had to be on the opposing side of the argument and I had to come up with reasons as to why, you know, it either isn't fair or it shouldn't happen or it shouldn't be legalized. Yeah. So what were your reasons for that? My reasoning was that, wow.

Like this is such like a first world amenity. It's such a first world luxury. It's like until this can be provided for everyone across the field, everybody from all socioeconomics like status, everybody in other, in the Philippines, in India, in the United States. I'm like, look, until then, why does the rich American in Oregon, you know, get to die peacefully? Right? Like that, that was my like, you know, opposing point.

And the only reason I came up with that point was because I watched my father die, right? And he, his illness was drawn out over a span of four, four very painful years, like literally his foot had turned green, but he was still like, there were so many times when he was on life support, off life support, but it was just drawn out and very, very painful for the family, right? It's so many times, so many points. I was just like, look, like this guy has just got to go. Like he, there's, it's draining us of our time or resources.

He's no longer, he wasn't able to talk anymore. You can see he was just ailing and in a lot of pain. But I thought to myself while I was arguing for in that debate, I was like, well, my dad didn't get that luxury to die peacefully. He died in a shitty place in fucking Monterey Park with flies circling his feet. He didn't have that because his medical insurance didn't allow for that. His feet were like African kids heads. All right.

That's my dad, bro. Don't look at me. Look over there. Look this way. That's my dad. I wasn't. Yeah. But they were like African kids.

I was just making an observation. I'm so sorry. I didn't know your father, but you know what may, may, may him, may him rest in peace. May him rest in peace. Yeah. Here's the thing. Why can I just do this? Like a crippling ailment.

Right? Yeah. I mean, I have what was it? What would be something that I would have? Let's say your brain cancer. Brain cancer is the biggest one because it's a painful problem in my late 20s. Okay. What I, when I was using drugs.

Okay. I would go down Tijuana, right? We're launching pads. Exactly. Okay. But I would also go to the pharmacies and I would buy like these boxes of volume, right? And I would, you know, smuggle them across the board. Anyway.

I would just take 300 volume at one time and then like, deem it an overdose because what happens is that if you, it's going to turn into an investigation. So if something is not legalized and let's suppose you kill yourselves, you kill yourself, like your family is going to be questioned, you go through the whole like, this is, this is what I'll do. Okay. I have brain cancer, right? A lot of people do that.

I'll get 300 volume. Right. They'll put a video up and go, hi cops. Hello governor. What's his name? Why did you change your accent? Oh, wait, I have an accent. Hello governor.

Hello. What? Anyway. And I have an on tape. Yeah. I have AIDS. I have AIDS. You have AIDS now.

I have AIDS, brain cancer. And I'm going to die. I mean, a lot of pain. He has brain AIDS. So I'm going to take all this volume, right? Yeah. And then I'll just die on tape. And then what investigation?

No, I mean, that's actually what a lot of people do is that they take, you can order online the same medicine that they use for physician assisted suicide. It's called, it's a secobarbital. So it's called second all. And you can take the pills, you, you crack them open, you only need like nine grams of like the powder or something like that. Or I don't know the exact amount. And it's, it's peaceful though.

No, it's very peaceful. It's literally, it's supposedly one of the easiest ways to go. It's almost like you go into a trans like state and people describe it as almost being like in space, like, and then you fall asleep and then how could they describe it being in space when they're dead? Because even in the documentary, did you not see the end of that documentary? Yeah. She, she described it like, oh my God, like the, the room is just like spinning in like

this. What if the last 10 seconds, right? Oh wait, they were filming her while she was doing you will fucking cross. Not only that. We cried a lot. And not only that, her two young kids are by her bedside and her husband and they're singing to her. I fucking mean to cry dog.

And it goes through the motions of her diagnosis and then her like making a date with death basically like on, on June 15th, so and so I'm going to kill myself. But then what happened was she started to feel better and all of a sudden there's a glimmer of hope inside her. She talks to her doctor and she's like, you know what? I don't want to die on June 15th anymore. Let's just, you know, see how it goes, right? And so that's, that to me was the most painful part is that, you know, you, you, you start

to bargain again. You start to bargain with life again and you start to bargain with the, with the idea that maybe I'm not going to die. So that to me was the most like devastating part was that she started to think she was going to live a little bit longer. And then all of a sudden, you know, with, with the type of cancer that she had, it was just a sudden like decline. Like overnight it was like, I can't breathe anymore.

And so then she had to make a second date with that, but she had her husband there and her kids and it was really beautiful. I just, it's, it's, it's really sad. What if you guys are putting that situation like Klyla, she wants to kill herself. How would you allow that? If I had like a terminal illness, if she wanted it, right? I mean, that's her life. I have nothing to do with it.

I'm going to support whatever her decision is. What if I said my depression is crippling? That's not, no. Listen to me. Nope. See? There you go. What if, okay.

So sometimes to some people, depression or the place in their mind is, it's so crippling. It's not the same thing. Yeah. Because it's not physical, but for some people, something mental depressed right now. Now you're not. I really am. I'm depressed right now. You might be unhappy, but trust me, you don't.

I've always been unhappy. You don't suffer from like clinical depression. I know. I'm just, what I'm saying is, is that, listen, you know, I don't know. I mean, if you want to do it, then do it. Would you fight for a loved one? That's what I'm saying. We would easily be like, okay, fine.

I mean, if she said like, I'm depressed and I want to kill myself, I'm going to be like, let's go through every way to go down every path first. You know what I mean? If you want to go to therapy, find the best specialists, try to find the right medications. You know, I mean, yeah, obviously it's a different, it's a different thing altogether. But if I was terminally ill, yeah, I mean, of course he would support it because it's like, you don't want to see your loved one, you know, have 55 seizures a day. You don't want to see them grimace and pain for 14 hours a day or having to shoot up a

gram of morphine every hour, just so they're not like in absolute agony. Yeah, that's pretty brainless for me. For me, it's like, yes, absolutely, I will support you exit this world without the world that's paining you. I mean, that's brainless for me. Can we move on to something more positive now? What? Maybe?

I don't know. Where are we going from here? I was hoping you could come up with something. I mean, listen, not everything in this podcast doesn't always have to be about jokes and giggles and fun times. It's like, what happened last night? How did my dad's feet look like African kids? Faces.

Faces. I'm sorry. That's my papa. I know I didn't know the dude, but you know, I'm sure he was a great man and I rest, may he rest in peace. Did you try that bit in your set? No, I would never. I would just said it.

I said it and then I regretted it. I'm so sorry. Retraction. You know, I say things. I'm so sorry. Okay. It's okay. I forgive you.

Are you really mad? No, I'm not mad. I mean, because the last podcast we fought a little bit, I don't want to do that right now. I'm not fighting with you. It's our anniversary. It's our anniversary. What's the occasion again?

The anniversary? Bon anniversary. Oh no, that's happy birthday. How we met? How long we've been together? Wait, how did we talk about that? We've already talked about it. We've already talked about it.

Too many. Not on this podcast. I know. But it's like. I know I don't want to do it. You know what I mean? You know. But you know, tonight, I'm going to say this, just FYI.

I said that nine times today already just now because I just learned the term like a year ago, but I did a show tonight with a 10 year old group, what's her name? Saffron Herndon. A 10 year old girl, you know, from, I think Chicago, I don't know. And I did a show with her and she killed it. She's a 10 year old comedian. 10 year old comedian. She killed.

10 year old stand up. Yeah. It's crazy. And I had this violent reaction when I saw her at first. Do you feel? Like I want to go walk on stage and you take my both of my fists and then smash your cheeks. You know what I mean? With both of my fists like that.

Okay. You know what I mean? Because it's like, you know, you, you kind of go, how the fuck attend, you have that kind of confidence. Yeah. At 10 years old, you know, I could barely speak English and I was born in this country. I really did. Yeah.

I literally, I ate my boogers until I was 15. Oh, that's interesting. Why? You shouldn't be doing that. I know. I know. I'm just developed slowly. That's a lie.

Him and his brother Steve straight up baby, baby, baby, we don't eat all the time. We don't eat fucking bitch. I don't eat my boogers. I know Steve eats his boogers. I know. But I don't have you ever seen me eat a booger and say it out loud. The Lee family eats their boogers. Have you ever seen me eat my booger?

Be real. Babe, babe, I just ate a booger. You saw me eat my booger. Yes. I've seen you eat a lot of strange things. But you saw me eat my booger though. You guys, you know, this is what the brothers do. Oh my God.

This is fucking. This is going to start the fight now. They sniff their fingers a lot. They do. It's just like a weird thing. Even my family does that. But we exactly because you don't know where your fingers been. I mean, that's how back in the day when there's pioneers and they were like, you know, that's

how they use. They use their fingers. Yeah, I would agree. I mean, I'm pretty sure your brain is connected to your hand. So you should know where your fingers go. Sometimes they just drift. They drift into mysterious places. But you always, but out loud, you've never seen me eat a booger ever.

And if you say it, if you say that I have, then we're going to get in a fight because you I have never done it in front of you. I think hard. Or I've never done it in me in my age. It was probably it was probably your brother, my brother, my brother. Let's go shoot on Steve. I love Steve. Steve's a great kid.

He's like my brother. He's like your brother. But he's my best friend. And I sort of got like the best if, if any, like if he died, he just, you know, I would not be able to even function in the world. I have, there's no place for me in the world. That's how he's so good. I'm so connected to him, you know, because I'm his older brother and I've always taken

care of him. He's just like, it was like raising a kid really, especially when he came out to LA, like 15 years ago and like we lived together and, you know, I just, I, you know, I love him dearly. You know, I suppose he's been close, but he eats his booger and I'm gonna throw him out of the bus right now. I don't think that's such a bad thing because they're, I'll tell you what I used to eat a lot of my own earwax.

I know. I still actually, I think, oh God, that freaked me out because there's a difference is like a normal. Booger is normal. Wait, wait, wait, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, I'm going to ask Gilbert something and just look at me in the eyes and be as seriously as long as you don't take your dick out. No, I will pull it if you lie. Okay.

Okay. Look at me right now. Yeah. When's the last time you ate a booger? Be real. By accident or just intentionally? No, by purpose. Just so I understand.

Just so I understand. Define eat Gilbert? I got it. I got it. I got it. Taste or swallow. Taste or swallow. Taste it.

Taste it. The thing is this, not in the internal way. You know what I mean? So what I'm basically is when you know how you have a snot and you go right and you go through inside the body. When was the last time you picked your nose? Outwardly and then put it back inside your mouth. A heart bugger.

Well, you roll into a ball. And make kind of a booger. I've had snot come out of my nose. No, no, no, no. With intent. With intent. With intent to taste. I don't think I've ever done it in my whole life, even as a child.

And now you see my dick. No, no, no, please. You see my dick. Mr. Bobby Lee, please. Because you're a fucking liar. Mr. Bobby. Just look at it. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Quickly so it's over. Now you see my dick. Now listen. If you ever fucking lie to me again, you fucking... What do you think of it? Of his dick? It's like a Filipino dick. What does that even fucking mean, dude?

Because you're yellow. You look so dark. It just has... It's a... No, but it's actually... A lady was talking about this in email. She asked about your... Yeah, she...

So a lady... At Matt TV, they used to call me Blacksack. Yeah, so a chick actually emailed us and I sent her. She was like, hey, what color? Like, I always hear that Bobby's balls are like really black. So I sent her. I emailed her back. How does she always hear this?

Like at work, people just talk to him. Ike Baronholz came up. You know Ike Baronholz? You know him? Comedian, right? I don't know him. But you know who he is? Yeah.

He came up with the terminology Blacksack. Because when him and Josh Myers came from Chicago to LA and they got on Matt TV, I showed them my... My sack. You know what I mean? It's... I call it the Korean Hello. And they...

He just looked at it and he goes, you have Blacksack? And I go, I know. My bad. But it's not really... Bobby... It's only dark in the base, right? So when... He's a grower.

So when his dick actually grows, there's a color gradation. And I've said this multiple times, it's like Neapolitan ice cream. So you start off with the chocolate and then the strawberry and the vanilla. So as it goes to the top, it's actually pretty light. But his balls are in fact black. You're right. What you're seeing is it's true form. And when she says vanilla and strawberry, it's just the color.

It tastes like shit. It's all shit. It doesn't taste as bad. I think there was only one time I went down on you where the smell was questionable. Like questionable what? Like you know that smell where you know someone was trying to use a wet nap? But... But then there's still like a tinge of shit?

That was murdered at the comedy store last night. Do you believe it? Happy anniversary. Happy anniversary baby. Do you fucking believe that shit? I don't know. Cause we're both talking about your balls right now. I know.

I don't want to talk about it anymore. That's why I had to revert to something. It was a good segue. Get serious. Thank you so much. But it's crazy man. What a fucking crazy 24 hours. Did you watch the Ronda Rousey's mom bashing her coach?

Oh yeah. The Edmund thing. What do you mean? Don't bother about it. So Ronda Rousey's mom absolutely apparently really hates Ronda Rousey's coach. The Armenian guy Edmund Taverdean. Why? And she goes on video and she was like if I could run him over without going to jail

I would. Wow. Is that crazy? It's crazy. Yeah. And I was talking to Gilbert about this and it actually makes sense to me. What does? The fact that her mom's opinion doesn't quite interfere with her relationship with her

coach, with Ronda's relationship with the coach. You have to be an athlete to understand that sometimes the best coach for you isn't always going to be the person that you necessarily like. But you just work well together. Like your codes match. Have you ever had that Bobby when you wrestled or? You wrestled? Yeah.

You wrestled in high school. Yeah. And we were. How many years? I wrestled for three years because I got kicked out of school because of math. But that was a real thing. That's not a joke. No I know.

What were their coaches that you absolutely hated? Coach Branstader, Poway High School had the best wrestling program in California. We killed it. My brother went to state. Steve. Steve was one of the best. You guys are wrestlers? Oh yeah.

Steve is an amazing wrestler. Amazing wrestler. He won CIF like three years, four years in a row since he's a freshman. He still wrestles, but he's still really strong. He's very strong. Yeah. He's very good. How are you?

I was very good, but the drugs got in the way. I asked my brother, I was very good. He actually, you know what? I can give him that because when we fuck around and we play fight, that's the one thing he gets me. Like he knows how to impose his weight so well where I can't escape. The only thing that I have going for me is that I have long limbs that I can get him in some type of submission.

But then his. And your leg kicks. And my leg kicks. Yeah. But that's why I put blankets over legs. Yeah. So what he does is like, he does like a net. So he gets, he uses the blanket as a net so that I can't, I can't move my legs.

So I can't kick him anywhere. Yeah. And I can't like submit him. I can't put him in a figure four. I can't do any of that. She also has like spots that she can't bear me touching. Right. So my ears, I can't.

Number one are ears. You know how in some of the movies, something about Mary, her brother, the developmentally delayed brother. Can't touch his ears. Yeah. Warren, you can't touch his ears. I'm like that. You just cannot touch my ears.

I freak the fuck out. And if you're in a wrestling match with Colletta, the second part, belly button. I can't. You can't. Because it makes me pee. That's normal for everyone. Right. No, not me.

I don't think so. My mom used to do that when we used to get in trouble. Like she would put her finger on our belly buttons and swirl it really fast. And then the third thing is, is, is the pockets. The pockets underneath like her knee, the back of my knee, she can't stand it. Yeah. So those are the parts. Like if you attack any of those parts, I will go into full Hulk mode.

Here's belly button under the knees. Yeah. What are your weak spots? None. What are his weak spots? The only thing that makes every fight stop is my kicks. If I kick him in the right spot, she kicks me like with these tie heel kicks as hard as you can.

That fucking hurts. It like paralyzes. How does this, how do you guys even get into fights? How does that start? He always starts. It's fun. We just do it. You know, it's flirting.

It's our way of flirting. Yeah. Very unconventional, but it works for us. Yeah. But yeah. So well, Rhonda Rousey's mom went off on the coach and I was thinking to myself, I was, I was looking back as on my career as an athlete and I have to say like my favorite coaches or people that made me the best athlete weren't people that I liked.

It was just a very like, you know, they impose their authority in a way that I respected in a way that I followed and it made me want to almost prove it to them because I didn't like them that much. And so it made me work harder for them. People, coaches that I was friends with, I didn't necessarily do very well with. And I remember like my mom, there was this one Japanese coach, he was a Japanese Olympic coach and people weren't necessarily fond of him. But I really, because he was sort of abusive, but he was so fucking great to me and that

worked well. So I guess I understand why Rhonda would still continue to train with Edmund. She has a connection with him and nothing the mom can say or do can take away that connection. I'm the opposite. Will you be friends with a coach? No, I mean, I used to have this piano teacher because my parents used to make me and my brother take like piano lessons and she had this German lady that used to slam if you messed up on a fucking note.

She's just slammed the lid of the fucking piano under your fingers and after about two times of that, I just said, fuck that. I was kid too. I was a kid. I said, I'm not going back and my dad, my mom, my dad, they would hit me and stuff. You know what? Here's a fucking thing about Asian parents. Okay.

What I just want to say this is that if you're an Asian kid and you listen to this podcast, which I hope you're not, but if you are, right, it's just that don't take their fucking abuse. You know, it's like, you know, I used to get beat because I got a C on my report card, right? With like golf clubs and shit, right? And most kids would go, oh, if I should get straight A's, not me. I went the opposite way. You're going to hit me with golf clubs.

I'm going to get F's, right? You're going to beat me again while I'm going to fucking beat you one day. So that I think it's fucking bullshit that music instructor in the movie whiplash is like your absolute nightmare. Yeah. I know. I don't do that. I don't do that.

No, he's like, you can't do that. You can't like deal with like the abuse. You don't feel like you grow from it. I don't grow from abuse. I get resentful and I get angry and I want to get revenge as a kid. I don't think that's like some kids don't grow. Learn that one. You mean physical abuse?

You were probably any kind of abuse, but wouldn't you as a stand up? You got better because the audience would abuse you when you were shitty and then you got better. Isn't that the same thing? No, it's not because the audience doesn't abuse you. They just don't laugh. There isn't. It's a different type of abuse.

And I almost feel like comedians like almost self inflict abuse. It's like, you go through these open mics. That's fucking straight up human torture. My point is, is this, is that it's like, it's specially Asian parents. Yeah. Specifically, they're just so violent and they're so like strict. It's like, go fuck yourself. I'm not doing that.

You had the right mindset then to, to, you know, to not take it. I felt so oppressed, you know, when my parents, the shit that she tells me that her mom used to do it or fucking boggles my mind. You know what I mean? Like forces to eat these gigantic meals used to punch her mouth and do all kinds of fucking crazy shit. And it's like, it's like, but when you see everybody else getting hit like you, like my aunts and all my cousins were also being abused and you're just like, well, how is

this any different? Right? This is just child rearing. So, and she cleans our house, right? Every other Friday. And when I know she's coming, I love my mom so, so, so much. She's so fucking great. I love her.

And you know, I ask her now, like, you know, just questions, like if she has like remorse and stuff, and it's really sad what she says. And it makes me like, it makes me feel choked up even saying it. She was really scared raising two kids while my dad was getting older and who wasn't, he wasn't the states already, right? Because he was trying to like establish a life here for us. So she was, she didn't have any money back home because we had lost all our money already. So it's like, I was really scared.

I was really depressed. I was really confused. I wanted, there were, there were times where she wanted to kill herself. So I, she was going through it. She was a woman in her thirties going through it. And I, I'm glad that we all made it through together to a place to where I can understand like that she struggled. You know what Deepak Chopra said about his kids, it said, do his kids when she was, he

was raising them. He said, I don't care what you become, right? I don't care what you do for a living. If you go to college or not going to college or you get straight A's or straight F's or whatever. Just be a good person. I think that should be, you know, the bottom line. Yeah.

But that's very subjective. People's, people's idea of good sometimes is sleeping on someone's couch and mooching and leaching and thinking, well, I'm kind to you and I say, get pay you compliments, but I'm fucking draining you off of all the cash you have. And they think that they're good people. So it's like, you better accept those guidelines. That's not what good people is then. Well you better, as a parent, no, no, no, no, you, you fucking lady, you don't even listen

to what I said, all right? So good person means being a good person. Happy anniversary, babe. You know, I mean, this fucking girl, I'm still on my period, just, you know, where are we at now? Should we do fan questions? Comedy store. So where are we at now?

We're at 55. It's great. It's time, baby. It's time. What are we going to do here to end it? We're going to have some questions from your people really quick. What do you call the people that listen? Like other podcasts have names.

We don't know yet. We have an idea. We can call them baby bellies. Yeah, baby bellies. All right, baby bellies. And helpful advice with Bobby and Coloco. That's me. Hi, Bobby.

Hey, I'm Colilo. Hi, bellies. Apparently, some of us aren't as talented as others according to the talented. My question is, what proves talent and success? From Dylan. All right. Um, for me, it's like, talent is ambiguous. Especially in comedy, right, because it's like Andy Kaufman, you know, was, he could

act, right? But he was also like, you know, he would do anti-comedy, you know, he would do experimental stuff. Right. But he, the thing that he does have, which all performers or anyone that has supposed a talent is a bravery. So for me, it's like, I don't care how well you write a joke necessarily or what your point of view is.

I think those are important, you know what I mean? In the grand scheme of things, but it's like the initial thing that I want to see is bravery. People that take risks and they go out there and put it out there, right? So if I go to like an open mic or, or, and I see a kid going, this is my first time, you know what I mean? And he goes up there and he's just absolutely awful. I know that going up on stage, especially stand up for the first time is the scariest thing one can do.

I remember my first time. It was so fucking frightening, right? It was, but there was an exhilaration to involved, right? And also, even though it was the worst human experience of my life, it really was. There was a sense of like, you did it. You did something that was extremely brave. That's why when Kalilah did it a year ago, right? It's like, she doesn't realize how important Steve did it.

Yeah, he did stand up. It was really agonizing for me. Kalilah's sister did it. We all did it. They all did it. They tried it. It was more for like a social experiment because it's more like it's, it made me going up at open mics made me empathize more for what he does for a living.

It made me understand the difficulty of writing, of timing, of connecting with a crowd because you know, I, he's great. Like he, it made me completely appreciate what he does for a living or to put food on our table. But right, it's, it wasn't always like that. You know, there was many, many, many years of me being awful, you know, and a lot of people think I'm still awful. It doesn't matter.

I'm fine. But what I'm saying is that if anyone out there, right, wants to do anything creative or anything like that, just fucking do it. It's like literally you, you, you open up your world. You really do. You can see it's almost as if you get reborn because you go, Oh, you know, I agree. You know what? I agree with that in so many ways because someone could have limitless potential and limitless

like untapped talent, but if they don't have that bravery that he's talking about, like it's absolute fucking use to your life. And another thing too, it's like, and that's why dad fans important. I'll tell you why. That's being real. He's brave. He's brave. And you know what else he's doing?

He's a singer songwriter now. Here he is. He got a guitar, right? And he's writing songs and he's going down to San Diego and doing all these like singer songwriter open mics and stuff. And he's killing it. You're making me feel rabid again. Why?

Because I want to go off on that. No, no, no, no. I'm just saying. Can we not? I just want to say this. Okay. Is that that's another thing he has going from. I don't give a fuck what any of you two say, right?

That takes balls. All right. And look at me. You fucking pussy pit piece of shit. You've never tried stand up. Have you? I haven't done one open mic. You have a stand up for stand up.

Yeah. Do you know why? Because I'm a pussy. No. Oh, I'm not a pussy. You live in fear. Oh, fuck. That's even worse.

So you're saying everybody should at least do an open mic in their lives. No, that's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying within Gilbert's case, though, he's in sketch, right? I do solo. Seconds. I believe it. I'm great. I'm sure they're great.

Okay. Hey, hey, but you know, listen to me fuck face. All right. So you haven't been to a room in front of 300 people who don't know who you are, right? And have a spotlight shine right in your face. Have you done that? Prepared monologues. But no.

Yeah. Not that. No. That you have to try. Yeah. It sounds terrifying to me. It's not. Do it.

You know what? Here's what I go. This is what I'm going to do. Shit. Another project. This is a project. Okay. Wait.

For first project was for him to have sex with an Asian girl. I had six months. Okay. This next project, you're going to do in four weeks. Can I write for you? In four weeks. This is what we're going to do. Okay.

I swear to God, we're going to do this. Or you're fired. Yeah. You're no longer going to be allowed in my house. Okay. You're no longer going to allow. What's the project? I'm nervous now.

In four weeks. You're going to do stand up. Just so that an open mic and an open mic. But at the comedy store, it's the most brutal one. You will not do well. It's a guaranteed bomb. I'm going to make a statement on here right now. Go ahead.

I have never done stand up. I have lots of friends that do stand up comedy. Yeah. I guarantee I will not bomb my first time. You're going to bomb. The fact that you said you won't bomb. I don't want to be that guy. But I'm just saying.

This is what we're going to do. I'm just saying. I don't. I honestly don't think I will bomb. I'm saying. First time. Wall face. That's what I'm going to call you right now.

Because your face is so fucking flat. Okay. Listen to me right now. We're going to fucking tape it. Okay. We're going to tape this shit on fucking YouTube. You can't tell people to help me though. And like pre-planned.

And we're going to tape it. And we're going to play on this podcast in four weeks. Look. No one heckles anyone at open mics. Guess why. That's why they're so brutal. Because no one's paying attention. Yeah.

And that's why you're going to bomb. Because even if you are doing well. Listen to me. Gilbert. You fucking. Listen to me. Then you don't understand the environment of open mics. No one is there to fucking listen to you.

I bit a lot of open mics. I'm just saying. I'm going to bring you up. No, because you're going to introduce me as like a fucking retard. No, I'm not. Coming up this flat face motherfucker. No, I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to do that.

Yeah, you are. I'm going to go. Hey guys, I have a podcast. I just started. Right. He's our sidekick. Also slash engineer. Right.

He's a flat face gook. Yeah. He's our flower boy. He's our flower boy. And I'm going to. He's the first time doing stand up. And he claims that he's going to kill it right now. I don't need that.

I take it back. I retract that. Let me. That's the worst thing you could have possibly said. The fact that you said you're not going to bomb. You should have been like, I am absolutely going to bomb. I got something even better. What?

This is even fucking better. No. Fuck the open mic. Okay. Let him guess. No. When am I doing Brea? You're doing Brea November.

You're going to guess spots. 600 people. I'm doing Brea improv. Okay. You're going to go up on a Saturday night. Second show when they're rowdy. Right. For the first time, you're going to do five minutes.

If you don't do it, you're not going to do this podcast anymore. You're fired. And only that. I will block you at every fucking route. Seriously. I swear to God. I will call Bobby. I will call every agent in LA and every comedy person I know.

Do not hire. Even a sketch and do. Yeah. He rapes girls. What the fuck? Yeah. I'm going to say that. All right.

His rape. His rape her name is foreskin. Yeah. Oh great. That too. They say raper. He said a raper. Bill Cosby.

I'm going to say it right now. He's a Filipino Bill Cosby. He has a rap sheet in the Philippines. Why don't we just do the comedy store? No, no, no. We're not doing that. You don't fuck yourself. Because you fucked yourself up.

You just said that you're going to do well. You got cocky for two seconds. So let's do it in front of a real press. I said it open my. I said it open my, dude. I didn't say fucking guess fottig. Look at how he's drinking water. Guess fottig is.

Yeah. Yeah. You're doing it in one month, right? No. When is it? November or what? November. I think it's mid-November.

Oh, really? That's pilot season you fuck face, listen to me right now. It's also on a Saturday night. You're going to shoot? No. Yeah. So here's what it is. Okay. We will let you know when that.

No, no, no. You can't read the audience. Oh yeah. They're going to come. They're going to fucking. I don't give a shit. Everybody, you have to come to Bobby's Brea show. Second show Saturday night.

Second show Saturday night. Gilbert's going to go up for the first time and he says he's going to kill it. He's going to kill it, guys. Can't wait. Can I say something and apologize? No. You cannot. You cannot.

I'm really good that we did this special podcast and I'm really glad that we're here. And you know what? Seriously, dad, we're sorry. Secondly, this is the family of the man that died at the comic store last night. And also the third, may they find the perpetrator that did this act. I had something interesting to say about the talent question because I never got my part to answer that. Go ahead.

I think that if you don't have a particular talent that you're good at, create one. Like this woman in Australia, she looks like a pretty talentless chick. But now she's like getting all this media hype because she puts wool inside her vagina and she starts knitting. And so she's a performance artist now. And she knits through 28 days, including when she bleeds through a period. So she like bleeds into the wool. And so whatever she knits, I know, but she's a performance artist.

What I'm saying is persevere. If what's what defines talent is ultimately your your joy in doing something and the bravery that comes with it. Like that. I didn't end it on a good note. That was so cheesy anniversary. Bye guys. Oh, let's not buy.

Let's do our plugins. What are our plug? What are we plugging? Bobby show. When are we airing this in time? This. Oh, this is old. Tomorrow.

Right. I love it. Saturday, Friday. Okay. So again, Bobby will be at the punchline San Francisco, October or so tomorrow, October 15th through the 17th, which is a Saturday next week. And he's going to be in Guam. I think there's only Guam, the 23rd and the 24th.

October 23rd and the 24th. And then after that he, well, I'll mention it in the future podcast. And guys also don't forget to subscribe. Don't forget to give us a rating. Um, it does make us feel big. Tell us how it makes us feel when we read nice things about ourselves and our podcasts. The deal is this. Okay.

This is this is that gross. Sorry. Let me talk. It's going to help us. Okay. Good. Good. Really good.

It's going to incentivize us to continue doing this because I know, but it does make it. But yes, do subscribe and do leave us a rating at some point and we will see you guys next week. Thank you. Bye. Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Tiger barely ad free on Amazon music. Download the Amazon music app today, or you can listen ad free with Wondry plus in Apple podcast.

Here you go.