TigerBelly - Episode 80: Chris D'Elia and Toki the Dumdum

Episode Date: March 1, 2017

Chris is a bright light with plenty of moths. Bobo is a dimmer light with some moths. We talk gameshow assassins, friendship etiquette, and what it means to have Facebook eyes.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Belly add free on Amazon music download the app today Episode 80 up Chris is here. Yeah, he's here. See you guys Five four three two, do you believe in the magic of life Hollywood nights with the slap King? Slap King. I want to start off today's podcast with a couple of introductions before we have a guest but I'm not gonna introduce him yet. We got we got Gilbert Galondo. What's up? What's up? We got Kalyla. We got Bryce is in the room, but he's not a part of it He's a camera, but he's a good guy though, and then we got George and I want to start off this show with a riddle Riddle time little side with Bobby Lee. He's a riddle guys

What has Rick Springfield hair? Kate Blanchett skin And the Joker's mouth Our guest Chris Dillia give him a round of applause Chris Dillia Hey, hey, man. Hey, what's up? Oh my god, what you're so you're so good at this already? Like it's already you're off to a fucking my energy. Yeah, I learned and I bet you keep it the whole time. No, I don't But um, you know I learned from the best yeah, and you're like a friend and you're one of the best

Oh, well, you know you're saying you learn from me, dude. I don't think so. Well, we learn from each other We know we do learn from each other. Yeah, we're two peas in a pod, correct We've done a lot together. I know we have we've done a lot you and I and If you guys don't know and if you live under a rock Or you live in like what's a country that no one goes to Appalachia even they have internet they have internet This next man. I'm the guy the guy that's here the guy right here in front of me him Crystal Isla Dillia Dillia is um God he was on Whitney, right? Undatable mbc projects xxx. What's that movie xoxo? I watched it. Oh, yeah, thanks

Yeah, it's good production that move. Yeah. Yeah, yeah really good production value. Did you do all like gorilla shooting? Yeah, it was so So in we were like in the middle of the desert and so it was a real festival. Yeah. Oh, yeah Yeah, but when you're shooting like that does it I mean do they have like rehearsals and stuff or no Oh, not really like quick ones like really quick ones. He would try to do them before we started shooting But we didn't do much and then we would just we would just kind of get what we could get really right But could you get more than one take? Yeah, we got more than one take. Yeah, like I'm not allowed to actually legally say what Yeah, yeah, sincerely, but but we would we got like there's been a lot of trouble in but there was something that I saw

What's the guy that the director of the producer that I know? Oh Oh Dan showed me something about it's a shot with Chris and some other guy. Oh, yeah, and they're like at a concert Well, I mean there's like it's a concert footage But you guys are in the audience right and obviously it's gorilla filming Yeah, and some dude gets in your shot. Yeah, you get physically violent. It's so funny It was one of the matters I ever got And I I almost punched him and I I stopped myself and they have it on camera because it was on camera

Oh, it's hilarious. It's so fucking funny. What do you do? He was just being it I was doing my scene and I'm supposed to be looking at the DJ and the shut cameras like this and I was like Yeah, yeah, yeah, and he came in and he was just like well looking at the camera and I pushed him and I I Mean, yeah, you could tell it when Chris gets mad people don't know but I'm gonna tell you Yeah, a vein sticks out of his head Italian veins six out of his fucking head. Yeah, and then he gets what I call Facebook eyes Yeah, and I've been calling you. I've been doing that for years. I've been saying that you have Facebook eyes

Do we have the same as social media? Yeah, you said social media is that is that some we made that up, right? Yeah And I don't know what it came from but that was just been years Facebook eyes. Yeah, I know when I have Facebook guys Like a deceitful. No, you can't it's like it's it's kind of like you can't even describe it You kind of been online all day or something and you're not thinking Yeah, yeah, and just kind of like you're on it in a zone and the day's right and and then and then and you're not and you Don't really have a good set when you're on Facebook right and then whenever he's at the comedy store I don't even talk to him when he has Facebook eyes. Yeah, what do I say to you? Oh, yeah, Facebook? And then Chris and I did this thing. I don't know. I don't know where we developed this

But it's that little role-play scene that you and I yeah, I know Yeah, so what is it basically you're like some sort of do that mafia guy, right? And I'm your henchman Yeah, so it just randomly. I'll go it boss. Yeah. Yeah, I'll go it but fuck up the shipment there And then I'll smack him and he'll smack me in the face. Why did that come about? I don't even know I don't you even know There's no story behind it. Just know walked up to Chris and said I think boss And then he proceeded to yeah, and we've been doing it for a decade. Yeah a long time. We've been doing it. Yeah, and Chris and I um, I saw him perform at the belly room. When did you start?

11 years ago. So this it was probably like like nine years ago. You saw me or maybe eight years ago Yeah, I saw him in the belly room. How old were you when I started? I was 25, but Bobby I probably went by when I was like 28. How old are you now? 36. Oh, yeah, and I saw him in the belly room And I didn't know who he was and I saw him and his body. I don't know if you've seen his body, but it's like a um It's I can't even explain it. It's half t-rex half You know, I mean, he's like a bendable guy. We're body. Yeah, we're but I didn't know that though until I saw the first set I did

I always knew when I was like a kid like people would make people laugh with my body But I didn't know how it actually looked until I like saw footage of me doing stand-up. Yeah, it's like, oh my god I have to like stop doing that. Yeah. Yeah, it's very weird I mean, I guess it's funny so it helps but like it's so weird to be dude to be that guy Yeah, did you did you cry in Vancouver last week? I Heard you cried. What is that? What are you prompting? Yeah, we got sad about something about one of your shows the sound went out. Oh, no, I didn't oh, yeah No, I didn't cry. I got a yelled you yelled. You got angry. What happened? I didn't cry

Well, don't look at me like that. You're doing Facebook guys. Oh, no You either walk in a room with Facebook guys Get Facebook But you got upset Yeah, I got mad because the mic went out. How many times have you done stand-up and the mic went out? How many times I? Once every three years once every five years on my special. Oh You're shooting a special That's what your dad was there and mom. Yeah, how far along into your set that the mic

It was just kind of kept happening and then they end up bringing up me a new one I shot it. I shot the second show Also, so right you killed that one. Yeah. Yeah, but you know and I killed the first one too, but I was still in my head You know, right, right? Is it Netflix? Yeah, cool. Your dad directed it. Mm-hmm. Oh my god If you guys don't know his dad is the Delia family is talented like much like the Lee family No, yeah, no, I agree Yeah, anyway, a lot alike. That's what I'm saying. I mean parallels right parallels between our lives Because I got Stevie Weeby, you know dynamic. Yeah, he's really nice

What he's really nice. Yeah, I love yeah, you love my brother. Yeah, I love your brother. Yeah. Yeah, he loves you Okay Yeah, I love Matt. Yeah, he fucking loves you you're mad. Yeah, how about your dad bill? Yeah, not love, but he knows no they fucking they love me, right? Yeah, that's all I want to say But anyway, Bill Delia is um, he's a producer too You know and what makes me every once. Well, just say something right now Once every a thousand people, but we'll say we'll give Chris God help. Don't you hate that? You didn't yeah, you didn't I don't really hear people say that but people probably say that behind my back. Yeah, for sure

I've never heard it. Yeah, I'm sure you know I Hired my dad to shoot my special. I know what my point though is is that just anyone because I remember you Got in a fight with another comic at the comedy store. Yes, right? I'm not gonna name this of course not Yeah, he's a good guy. Can I say his name? No, because why? I'm not gonna say his name. Can I say his name? Yeah. Yeah, I like him. Don't I'm not gonna say his name But he in a in a temper tantrum said some shit, right? That was uncalled for right right and But I have always you know, there's I've I've been alive for a very long time

mm-hmm, correct. Yeah, yeah, and There's just a few white dudes where I can legitimately say that they're intrinsically real funny And I think my number one white dude and you're a close second. Well, maybe you're tied you and Callan. Oh, yeah, you guys are very We're pretty similar. Yeah, I mean you do two together. Yeah, holy fuck. Yeah Well, thanks. Yeah, he's fucking hilarious. Yeah That's why I do but that's why I wanted to do stand-up because then you can't make people in a room laugh Just because of how much help you got

Nobody's like no, that's what I'm saying is is that you're just you know, you make you you grow you went up and did open mics Yeah, you did that awful room ha ha cafe. It's it's good sometimes, but yeah, I've done awful awful rooms It's fucking awful. I like that club though. It seems like as far as all the stories You've told me aside from Chris or people like Sebastian You always tell me about like how comics become comics and there's always some type of like hardship or like dysfunction in their family But from what I've known of you you had come from a really really good family So how does that when did you start to realize like hey like? Yeah, I was actually thinking about this today like about how comedians people say like comedians have like shitty

Childhoods or some kind of weird-ass shit happen to them But I I never did and like but I think that like I've my my parents and my family's just been so good to me And it's given me so much confidence in my life that like I just am able to Think I know what's funny And I have so much confidence when I say it that I think people are like just they just buy that and it's because I've had a loving family and they've been very supportive You know, yeah, I didn't have to find that confidence from somewhere else Yeah through comedy. I found that before as I was a kid because my parents were so great

Yeah, so that it totally squashes that theory then of yeah People you know, I'm not yeah, but your penis Senior penis, right? It's legit. Well, but that's a good thing though. You're not saying no I I only I only say I said it because it is a good thing. No, but I'm saying not in a gateway So it has nothing to do with what we were just talking. No, okay. Oh, we don't do say. What do you mean? What do you mean? Well, I thought you're saying but your penis though. That's what gave you a fucking no I had nothing to do with anything. I just wanted that's the dysfunction. No, no, no, no, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude

Don't take it the wrong way, bro. I'm not taking it the wrong way. No, dude, dude, dude All I was doing dude was this right? I heard what you said about your family right and then pop in my head I'm like, oh, that's you know, I mean I wanted to mention your dick, right? Okay, but you said but dude Your dick your penis mean meaning. Oh, but in addition to what you're saying about your family and how great they are All right, your penis is legit. All right And that's not maybe my timing was wrong on right. I shall let left the gap Yeah

So yeah, so I think that just because I had a great childhood and my family was great They gave me enough confidence that then translates on stage. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's all that Yeah, good. Mm-hmm God you dick is delicious. No How do you say it? Yeah, I mean that was actually yeah I know you didn't taste it. Yeah, it seems delicious. But anyway, how many times how many times you've seen his dick just so more than I've seen his chest Oh, yeah, he would take it out at diners. Oh, yeah, and what do I do? You would say, uh-oh. Yeah, first of all, before you Before we take it I said, uh-oh. Yeah, uh-oh, and I would say what the first few times

I would say what then I understood what I said here comes toky the dum-dum Yeah, and he would open he would zip unsupposed and put it on the table of the diner. Yeah, and do a show public and be like He's to kill can you recall the first time he did it to you? No, I can't I know a lot of what do you mean? I've done fucking show after show with toky the dum-dum Where did you come up with toky the dum-dum? It's just what came to mind. That's what I call it Yeah, it's a good thing. It's good. You never named your penis. No, okay. I Don't do that kind of stuff, dude. What do you mean, dude? I don't fucking name my dick or like all right, dude, or like my car's not a she do you know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah, I fucking keep it as real as it is dude, right my dick and my car Well, you guys have a lot in common you guys remember what the dance naked true a lot true Wait, hold on. I got to tell you this about Bobby one time Bobby got mad at me And you went to fucking you were gonna piss on my fucking car handle. Yeah, and and and I told him. Yeah, I said dude We make a lot of jokes, dude, right, right? Don't point at me like that But don't but don't take your finger away though. Okay, but this is what it was. I don't fucking put your finger away That's what we were doing. Oh, that's right. I'm trying to show them what I was doing. All right. I said, dude Yeah, we do a lot of joking, but do not pee on my car handle

Then that's fucked up. Yeah, and I and you didn't do it Yeah, but you like did it a little bit to the side close to it. Yeah, it was like a little bit of a fuck you Yeah, I had to get it in there and that and that honestly, that's the kind of shit That's got that fucking no, and I tell you this right now because when a white man points his finger at me like that And goes dude cause we do condescending Right, dude. Okay. Yeah, don't piss. You know me. I cannot at that point right now. I give you something I understand that I know that's how you are, but I had to I had to just go for broke and be like Hopefully Bobby will see the friendship in my behind my face. Yeah, I understand you don't pee on my fucking car

I did not you didn't do it. I did not but but I think you see but you know what you did What you turned around right and you went to go and you pretended like you put it on the handle Yeah, and I couldn't see yeah this day. I don't know if you put it on the handle Yes Believe you and I don't have that car anymore. Yeah, that's fucked up. I did it and can I say something else? What and this is a fact Yeah, there ain't nothing you can That's what you are and this is what this is what it is about you deep down. You just disrespectful to is that what you're saying? You're a very nice

Great and you know what you're loyal and you're a good guy. Those are good things. Yeah, they are but under all that Yeah, just a disrespectful person. Yeah, that's what you are really. Yeah, and maybe it's only 25% disrespectful But there's still some in there, too. You know, can I say what you are? Okay deep down? You're a nice guy. Uh-huh good face Right all that right you're a fucking softy inside. All right. Well, oh, you know what? Yeah, yeah, that's fine Yeah, that's fine cuz maybe that's what makes me so yeah, right fine. That's fine. Okay. All right I heard what you said. Yeah, there's no fighting. No fighting. Here's another thing I want to ask you there was things about me that you don't like because you brought it up in the last year a couple of times There are so let's just get you know what I think this this is a good time period. Yeah, right rice

It's about time you actually like an American Indian there for Looking up What do you thought there was a fucking TV of us? Oh, yeah, he's literally just like this like that with their fucking back arch He's I've been laughing. Yeah, you know, are you sleeping? All right. Anyway, I think this is a good time, baby. Get it off your chest off our chest. Why not? Go ahead. Okay. What is it? I do you're oh first of all you don't first of all there's a few things you don't text back That's not okay, dude Look at him. Everyone here is nodding. Wait, I need a pen and I know you don't do it

No, I got right here. I got a pen right here, and I know but text back wait text back right text back Okay, go ahead. What are you gonna do with this by the way? When I need I have a rebuttals Okay, you don't text back. Yeah When we go to a diner. Yeah, you just eat and then you're done and you leave and I don't like it I eat it's for hanging out and you go to a diner to eat and that's not cool. You go to a diner to hang out with your friends number one number number number three is Shit, what was the other one? I don't know what what what what what?

Is is that when I see you in public I get the comedy stories. I don't get into conversation. Yeah, I know it Yeah, it's fine that we don't get into a conversation, but you just you just you don't Sometimes you just walk by yeah, and you say hey to like some other Kevin Christie or whoever right with your friends with and I love Kevin. Yeah, then you won't say hi to me Okay, good. Um, don't say hi. Yeah, don't say hi to and I can't yeah. Yeah. Well, you'll think it in a second Yeah, yeah, some rebuttals, okay? Oh You you you you When we're at a diner sometimes you'll you'll be like, uh, and you'll start playing your games and and and that's not

For that. That's not for someone speaking on my behalf. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. This is really good. Okay. Is that everything? Those are good for the very good thing very good Chris. Yeah, bitch rebuttals. I love you. Oh, that's very I love you It's a disrespect we were talking about so I love you, but let me just kind of please. Thank you. Okay. All right Text back number one. Okay Communication with your phone right for me is a lifeline to the world Just listen to what I'm saying. I know you're doing your eyes and they're baggy right now Okay, well, I can't So it's like your taxes are like this bra bra

Wait, is that for real? I'm not even kidding. They're kind of like that. Yeah, he spells sort of thing. Yeah, I do what you're doing Right. Yeah. Hey, yeah. Oh, that's shit that you do, right? So I'm 45. Yeah, I'll be honest with you and I'm in the car. I get a text from Chris bra bra. What's up? What's up, right? I I spend minutes going Why don't you say no, I so I just kind of let it go Yeah, so if you were to do something like hey, dude, I went to the hospital and I got some bad news Let me take something right now. No, no, listen fake crying. Okay. Sorry. Let me take something right now All right, I'd be the first one to call a taxi back. I know dude, but let me ask you a question. Yeah

Why why what why would you be the first one? Because I love you so much. I think What it is. Yeah, you secretly want to get in good with God You oh, oh, fuck man, you understand what I'm saying. I think you want secret points with whoever you think is the higher power You just fucking made me so angry right now What you just said right now made me so fucking angry that I am not even gonna fucking address it right now Okay, all right. All right. Yeah, the second one is this I eat and I'm done. Okay. Let me tell you something right now friend All right. All right, bro. You're I don't you're pointing to me. I know

Let me tell you something about you right now, right? Okay. All right. Let me say something All right to survive in life. You need several things. You need oxygen. Yeah, right? You need h2o. What is that water water? Right. Mm-hmm. You need sleep Shelter right and fucking food, right? Right. So what I'm saying to you right now is is that like if you and I were like camping We're sleeping. Yeah, and when I'm done sleeping. Yeah, I'm not gonna just lay next to you Right in the tent and just watch you fucking sleep, right? I'm gonna go out chop some wood for us So we can get some fire, right? I'm gonna get the bow and arrows ready. So I'm gonna get bow and arrows ready for us for the great hunt

Right. Yeah, sure. And then like an hour later you wake up and I already have coffee ready for you, dude Yeah, but I what I'm saying is is that that's what eating to me is eating is once I'm done eating I'm off. He doesn't know how to just hang out. I know It's a big that's the bigger thing there last week. We went to shabu-shabu and you you sit on those large it's almost like a communal kind of area And it's just him and I right halfway through the meal. I'm not done yet He's out smoking a cigarette and then he pays and I'm still eating there for the last 20 minutes by myself

It's just not you it's everybody. Yeah, no, no, I I know it's not just me But so what so then what do you do when he's out there? In the beginning it used to really perturb me I would imagine it used to make oh my god It used to really bother me and at some point I realized it was probably just his add taking over it is It wasn't anything I could take personally I need I need help Okay, yeah

So I did that I won the text There's no way dude Bobby won Chris zero one zero Bobby you want to eat. I'm done. I won that with The add you want that one the camping analogy, right? Okay, don't say hi. Okay. I got a great thing for the okay. This is it. All right So, you know, usually you and I will see each other primarily in a Social setting like a comedy club, right? Okay. So here's a guy, right? He's a A good-looking male You know alpha male stand up who's successful The two shows back to back on a network, right? He's you know, he's like um, you know

He's the light and that there's moths around him. Oh Just leave me out. Okay. All right So I pull up, right? I got nothing my my my light is dim. That's stupid. I know All right, I'm gonna give you an analogy. Oh, yeah, let me talk, right? Everyone's walking like one month. Is that a light or whatever? Is that a light? Yeah. Yeah. Then I see a brighter light, right? Did I go I I ain't no motherfucking moth, bro. Right. I'm a light too, right? Do you hear what I'm saying?

So it's like when a dimmer light goes into a brighter light when he has all those moths Sometimes the dimmer light will just walk on by Yeah, and doesn't say hello I because they're lights. Yeah, what because they're lights. No, he's just saying yeah, you're not listening You shut the fuck up right now I love you, but shut the fuck up Yeah, that's why I understand but But you're

But you're you're you're bigger than that, you know what I mean? No Yeah, you are because you'll say hi you'll say hi to other people right and then you won't say hi to me Maybe you'll say hi to the matching lights people right in the same, maybe I couldn't have said it better, baby Yeah, but that's the thing though. Yeah That's the fucking 25% disrespect is what I'm talking about what you think I need that You think I need someone you think you need to walk on by yeah, I don't need that shit Well, you need more moths. No

No, no, you you are who you are in your head, bro. Not on the outside, man I am who I am in my head dude when you walk by you don't say shit Yeah, I'm inside my head, bro. Yeah, how do you think I get facebook eyes? Wow What hey right now right now that one a draw You know what it's a draw. It's only two zero It's only two zero, okay, that's a draw. That was a good point. All right. He won though. All right That's actually two one. He won that one for sure. All right. I'll give you one

Yes, I did He won with the 80d. You maybe won the camping analogy one, but not the texting one dude All right. I think it's high. It's two two one one. Let's just keep it one one. All right. All right games Okay Games when we're eating. Yeah. Okay. Here's the thing deal. All right. Yeah When you're at a diner with this fucking guy, you usually we go out with what you faheen Yeah, maybe some other people, you know, we'll sassow right, right? Sure. You have all these funny guys At a table, right? And what happens with these guys at they riff

And they they try to outdo each other and they try to build this like Funcake They try to build a fun cake, right bake one right and you know what I do I'm done. I'm done baking fun cakes. Yeah, you don't really bake fucking fun I don't you know You're hilarious. Yeah, have you thought about that? Yeah, I am thinking about it right now I actually am and that's really interesting. Yeah, because you're the kind of guy you got all the things You got all the fucking tools to build the fun cake. Yeah, you know, you did. Oh, I have all the ingredients

You know what you're like, you know, you're like I have the apron. I have the oven. I have all the ingredients You do you have it all right, you know what you are? You're the red belt on fucking fun cake You got you're the you're the black belt with all the red stripes tied all around Because you're fucking first done second done third done All the done and the whole belt is covered in red and you just sit back and you watch everyone else fight That's what you do. Yeah, I know and you know what what why is that a bad thing? Because sometimes yeah, we want the sensei or the red belt to just kind of assimilate with us Oh

And I think I won that You won two one. You definitely won that one. Okay. Okay Well, that's it though, but I gave you a really big compliment at the end I think that's why you let me win that you're saying, okay, you won that one Yeah, I think I'll do your red belt at the end of the day with the truth is this is that I know I won three zero That's the truth Okay, and I'm just letting you have it because you're the guest Let me tell you something. I haven't been in a room this small with this many people in high school

Since I was in high school. Yeah, there's so many fucking people people that in the cameras don't see I know right Yeah, and I'm sorry, but you know when we as this thing grows Yeah, you know that we get guests like yourself And it's going to get bigger and then we'll have to we'll be forced to move Okay, well, I hope I can help that, you know, you're gonna help that and and we want to help you because You have a podcast. I do. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah, I have a yeah. Yeah, it's called. Congratulations. I want to plug that All right, so it's called congratulations. Yes with Chris Dillio Just me I don't have guests. I haven't had you ever maybe I just said Chris Dillio and that's all I said

No, I know, but maybe I'll have guests and if I do start having guests. Yeah. Oh, thank you No, you know what dude exactly. Thank you so much. I'm telling you because you're my fucking friend, dude All right I mean you said it like I'm doing you throwing your line or that's not what I meant But it probably would be good. Yeah. Thank you. I meant all right. So I want to Look, everybody just fucking go and subscribe my shit too. All right. What is it under? That's why you go to iTunes. Yeah, iTunes, right? It's called congratulations. Yeah, and it's just you Chris Dillio When does it? When do you when do you every Monday night? It comes out?

It comes so you already recorded Sunday. I already record it Monday And it comes out that same. Yeah, you already did today. Yes. I did. Okay. I don't like your tone. When does this go up? Tomorrow night. Tomorrow night. Yeah. So you say today and now everyone thinks it's fucking Tuesday It was yesterday. Everybody yesterday. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, but anyway, um Fun so if you're listening to this if it's Tuesday night or wednesday morning And you're listening to it He did it monday night And no one died and everything's fine. Yeah, some people died

Some people did that. No, I don't mean that dude. I just mean like somebody will die. Yeah, I know that that's really sad It's so fucking sad. Yep. If you guys don't know Bill Paxton is you got to go fuck yourself because You know, number one, he was an aliens too and he was so funny in that. Do you remember that? Yeah. Yeah You know what he was so funny in what is true lies Oh Yeah, yeah, yeah, and then a simple plan. There was a movie little movie that I never saw that you should see it Yeah, you know what? I will. Yeah, you should Simple plan so good. Yeah, so good. I remember Raimi directed it. Yeah. What? No. Yeah, but he was young

Yeah, you know, I I read something where it was just supposed to be like a routine like heart surgery to like fix his like valves And um, he got out of surgery. I think Healthy and then he had a stroke like whether he threw a clot or something like that Oh my god, it can go that fast. Yeah, because 60 is so young. I mean, yeah, yeah I just saw him. He looked great. Well, what'd you see him at at? The grocery store. I can't remember which one but I oh you saw him walking around just being all fucking Bill Paxton Yeah, I think he was healthy. Yeah, other other than like a small little like glitch in his heart that was supposed to be a routine thing Such a fucking

That's so funny. Let me ask you this when you work with Ray Leode. Was he nice? Yeah Yeah, he seems like a guy that could be or could not probably he could probably be both. Yeah Yeah, it wasn't like I was like, oh, you know, sometimes you you meet somebody and you're like, oh, that's just a nice guy I think Ray Leode was just nice to me You know what I mean, which is by the way, those are I like those people better I don't just want some guy always fucking nice Oh, I mean, so if Tom Hanks, right? He's notorious and nice to everybody. I've never met him. Yeah. Yeah, but if he is so Let me give you a happiness bully because I can't stand those either when they're constantly nice and in your face about their niceness

Then it just it. Yeah, it's like they're telling you to go fuck yourselves. Yeah, like, um Um, who's always nice? Steve Simone. Yeah, but that doesn't count because you can tell you can tell that he's got something inside You know what I'm saying? No, no, I didn't say it in a negative way. Steve Simone's funny and he's always nice But that's not what I mean. I mean, um, I don't know. I can't think of somebody but yeah But um, let's think of a mean comedian. Who's a guy that's always mean Do you have anyone that you don't get along with you don't want to say it? You don't want to say it? Well, but I also don't I don't think you do. Yeah Um

Well, there was that thing between you and dain that that's a long time. But that's done. Yeah. Yeah. Is that done? Yeah, for sure 100% can I talk about that or no? Uh, this is nothing that you did wrong. No, but I don't I mean it was just I don't know what happened. Go ahead. Thank you That's he that's why let me say something right now, man To you Gilbert. All right. Yeah, Bobby. That's why you're here What you just did right there. You threw me a little fucking balling and it goes a long way friend Yeah, okay, and I know I say that you have a flat face. Yeah, right and that you're you know, it's really really nice though Thank you so much. I don't really nice skin. That's actually you're doing that. You're not wearing makeup, huh? No

That's amazing. Yeah, right. You wear makeup for your special pores Uh, very very little Very little you don't know to your career You said that so many people kept coming up to me asking me that was to your career Yeah, well you say he looks like her that is her anyway. Um, so thank you so much. No people blew that way out of proportion No, are they dead? Yeah. Okay. So he didn't go out of his way to bump you and stuff at clubs. I don't know. Oh physical No People would always come up to me and people wanted to make that a big deal right juicy

Yeah, yeah to me dain to me was you know, he's I've never had a problem with him. Yeah, I like him Um, but all right if you don't want to talk about it, but my my belief though is is that that that is true. Well, and um You know, no offense to dain now. He's never done anything to me and I shouldn't even said this because I don't want to start a war with anybody That's my problem. Here's my problem. You start your own war. Yeah, can I tell you something right now? I make life so fucking difficult for myself. He does by talking Yeah, but he yeah, but he you're not gonna start a war. You're he's a good guy. He likes you you like him Right, but here's what here's where you start. Oh, here's where you make life difficult for yourself. Tell me You think you make life difficult for yourself and then it's then it's bad. That's the thing you think

You go on stage you do what you do and they come off and you sometimes you say, oh fucking I fucked up I fucked up the crowd this and that and you didn't but you doing that makes it worse Does that annoy you? I think maybe this isn't about me and it's about you and I should be saying Does that when I do that does that annoy you? A very little bit Yeah, it knows a lot of people but it's more detrimental to you than anybody else around you It's less annoying and more just like you don't have to do that, buddy Yeah, you know Whitney Cummings said that to me one night. She goes. I'm tired of you fucking that shit

Yeah, it was the first time where I literally looked at myself in the mirror and go. Is that annoying and it is annoying You shouldn't worry about whether or not it's annoying to other people as much as it's probably not good for your psyche overall Yeah, bro. Yeah, who are you texting? I'm not I literally picked up the phone Yeah, yeah, and he says who you're texting was it something more important? No, I was just looking But a friend of yours recommended a movie to watch sugar coated I don't know what it's called But it's the one the documentary Netflix about sugar. Oh sugar film or something or something like that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah

Is it sugar film? Yes I think we watched the wrong one We watched some food documentary about how sugar is bad. Yeah. Yeah, it's just good too. Let me look at what let me look it up I'm not texting. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, look at a girl. I haven't something really juicy to share too I'll do that Do you guys you know you heard about kim jong il on the kim kim jong un's brother being assassinated, right? With that nerve gas as it turns out, you know those two women Thought that they were in a game show and that they were spraying someone's face

As like a prank because they somebody had stepped them up. No, no So these two women had previously been paid money to prank people to spray stuff in their face You're fucking kidding. Where'd you hear this? How did we not hear this crazy? Yeah, and so they didn't know because one the mother came out and talked about one of the her daughter Who was one of the suspects? Yeah, she was like, look, she's a provincial girl Like she would never be an assassin of that sort, right? Okay, so let me so let me just hear what you're saying. Yeah, I have it when you're what's it called the sugar film Okay, good. Thank you. You didn't watch it yet. No, we've got to watch it. Okay. Yeah, but it's a poison sugar

Yeah, poison. Okay, but that's a technically that's the announcement. I want to make sugar is poison. Okay, so let me get the straight kalayla These two chinks Not chinese They're not chinese I think they are actually well there were in there were in malaysia. So it could be anything. Yeah, jinx jinx some jinx I'm out of this Chris stop saying jinx over and over and looking at all of us um

These two chicks that were maloasian That's how you say it by the way. Oh, yeah maloasian If you're in australia These two chicks that are maloasian And then uh So some Man or a group of man go. Hey, you guys want to be in a react like a prank show The oh, which what would we call it's called spraying face. Yeah, okay

So they gave them squirt guns at first Or something today, right? So they probably set up cameras just to because their ultimate goal is to assassinate the brother Yeah, so they sprayed it. You know what I mean? They paid him some money, right? And then when kim jong-un steps out of the plane This is the guy you have to prank. So they gave her him kim. Yeah, it's kim jong-nam numb They gave him a gun filled with poison. Yeah, it's like a like an equivalent to like nerve gas nerve gas And then they sprayed it in his face. Yeah, I thought that they wiped it on his face Well, there's like conflicting reports about whether or not he was grabbed or whatnot But um, one of the girls actually thought that she was even gonna get flown to china for a comedy show afterwards

Whoa for like some tv comedy. That's fucking crazy. That's like that. You know what that's like. That's like the show black mirror Yes Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but also isn't that a really good excuse. Yeah Wait, we need to get away with a lot of thumbs on a tv show. Yeah But can they just say that though can they go we thought we were on tv show Yeah, I mean, that's what i'm saying like they could just say that and they could have the guys corroborate that story too I think they'll still do jail time though. It doesn't matter. I don't think it matters I don't that's a that's a weak excuse. Even if it's real. You're a fucking idiot. And but then the weirder part

Stop, stop, stop, stop So, let me just say this. Okay. Okay Let's suppose I I get hard to do a prank show, right? stevell calls me steve go steve. I was able You want to do a prank show? I go, why not? I got nothing else to do And he knew this chinese producer guy So if like a week they pay us under the table

Yeah, we're spraying people in the face and all of a sudden they the the one day they go You gotta spray that white dude over in the face And I spray him in the face And it's poison and then all of a sudden I turn around and they're gone. I killed Rob Lowe, right? You know what I mean? I didn't know it was Rob Lowe, you know, yeah, and um, then you think I deserve to go to prison Yeah, I feel like if there's like I mean you're just because you're so dumb You know what I mean? Yeah Right

I was watching this fucking show and this guy had a wife and this is like one of those forensic file type shows, right? I love it. You got me to watch them all but so this guy was he had a wife He had two kids He wanted the kids to himself and he wanted to divorce his wife, but he didn't want to have to deal with all that shit So he wanted to kill the wife So he would play video games like 12 hours a day like he was like, you know, he did it like you do And so he would make friends with other people with the fucking, you know online Yeah, yeah, so he made friends with this one guy. The father the wife went out of town and

He had the guy come over and they would hang out and they were friends and they were new You know new friends and they were new friends for a while and he would end up coming over every now and then And then he talked him into he was like, we should both get the same haircut So they went to go get the same haircut and then he was like, listen, I'm gonna be out of town um I'm gonna be out of town But I want you to stay at my place and we do and wear my clothes and everything whatever And so the guy who fucking wore all of his clothes

Yeah, well while the husband went and found his wife wherever she was and killed his wife And then came back and then but there was video footage of him in his clothes And his apartment, but it was the fucking guy. He told to get the same haircut as himself and oh That's a good one right right right now and the guy who I think he went to jail the guy did. Oh, yeah, because he's a fucking Eddie, but it comes like you're done. You go to jail. Yeah, you know what you're right. You know, I mean You're right. You're right. But not for murder just as being an accomplice. Yeah. No, I don't even if no one died You should go to prison just for wearing the guy's clothes and getting the haircut. Same haircut. It's weird

It's like Chris going with you know, we're this wig this bruce. Uh, yeah, yeah, whatever that haircut is Rick Springfield Rick Springfield haircut at what point wouldn't wouldn't you be like, uh, yeah, we could get the same haircut I guess That's weird, bro. You do it and then The guy's like, ah, where are my clothes while I'm out of town? That is the moment where I'm like, okay You're gonna go kill someone I think Or something I don't want to do that. Yeah

You're right. Yeah. Yeah, either it's that or he said, listen, I'm gonna go kill my wife. I need you to fucking win Yeah, but that's that point. He's he's now but that's what I'm saying But that's what I'm saying. How do you prove to the cops one way or another? I I I agree with you just just in case he should just go to prison just in case he did. Yeah Yeah, because I would never be in that situation. Is it true that they have that new russian um survival Um game show where like rape and murder is actually allowed or is that just I mean, whoa, that can't be true But that would be amazing. Why it's like some survival because everything else is over from then on we're done Right if that's real that's the last thing and if there's a game show where you can get raped

Then it's it you're that's it. We're done as a society. That's it. That's it But the russians operate but do I still get in the aftra if I'm raped? Do you still like do I still am I in the union you need and they're like you need two more points Oh, you're lucky. You're lucky. You almost got raved but you're not sag eligible Yeah, yeah, so russian reality tv show called game two to allow rape and murder in Siberia Oh my god, I don't believe it. I don't believe that's the guardian Yeah, it's real. Yeah, but I can't I still would you watch it? No, no, 100% no no way So it's 2,000 cameras 900 hectares

Is it hector hector hector hector 900 guys name a hector? Hey, I'm here to rape There's so many of you guys It's like a bigger It's like a bigger anchor I Okay, so 30 lives everything is allowed fighting alcohol murder rapes smoking anything they have to sign a waiver these contests Smoking

But let me ask you something right now the girls too. I think the 30 contests male and whip male and All right, so basically what you're saying is is that If there's 15 men and 15 women 15 women are gonna get raped Well, there's gonna be probably a few hectares. We're like, oh my god hurts All right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah That's crazy. Yeah, so the landscape is with bears and wolves. It's just the wild life And they can kill each other. Yeah, they will be allowed guns Oh, no, no, hold on their knives are allowed, but guns are forbidden, but you can still kill somebody

But what is the end goal? I'm trying to figure out last man standing. Oh my god need to be 18 and mentally sane That those are the only requirement. I mean, what kind of mentally sane person who does that? 60 people have already applied including one American six people 60 and one American. Yeah, who's the American? That's the end of that's at the end of the planet. Yeah, I mean that's Do you think that it would probably garner a good like, you know, amount of people people would watch it? Yeah, I wouldn't I'll tell you what I didn't I didn't look remember when those celebrity photos leaked and everything with Jennifer Yeah, I didn't look at those. Oh, yeah, I don't look at those because that's that's fucked up I think also that Chinese guy that Chinese there was a Chinese guy

Who answered an ad to do this short film in Canada? Yeah And I heard about this right and so he shows up. Hello. I want to be Yeah, I want to be in the short. He got the part before me. He did. I tried to test it for it Yeah, yeah, that's sad that you didn't get the part but anyway, he got tied up and some gay dude just ate him Luca mcnaughta. Yeah, Luca mcnaughta ate him on camera and people around the world watched it live Yeah, I wouldn't watch it. I know but what is I mean, what does that do to you? It gives you an incredible amount of like ptsd or some variant of that I think it really honestly, I don't think it does that much

I think that people watch that and then they're like, I think we're so fucked up that we would watch it and then be like Then go to sleep the next morning. We would get up and go to work and then go to the grocery store You don't think it does some like underlying type of Like I don't really think so. Maybe I'm just like Yeah, may I'm a sociopath, but like no, I don't think you are Because you can't even watch you don't even watch like you can't watch like any kind of videos that are dead like a motorcycle accident You try to send me shit sometimes. I'm like, I can't watch that shit. Yeah

You know send me like deformed babies and shit. Yeah, I don't want to he's he's he loves tragedy porn That's his favorite thing. What's that? What's it's just he's it's just this desire to always see like babies in Syria And then you know crying about it at that moment like he likes to cry about it Wow Yeah, I mean like when the korean fairy sang, you know CNN had this like video of like parents watch looking at their like teenage kids that died in this fairy And then you can hear them through the tent crying And then watch that video like a hundred times so I could cry too. Why because I don't even want to hear you talk about it

No, because I want to cry I know I don't mean you feel dead inside that you feel like you need to pull from these things to feel something I feel like I am I know I'll be honest with you. I think I am dead inside. No What you you know why you're dead inside? Why because you fucking eat it a diner finish and then rush out You don't think that you're jaded of things like Yeah, I do but but I'm talking about like jaded in a conversation like, you know We do stand up and we do what we do and we're fucking failing and people are booing at us and shit Yeah, and we you know sometimes we're fucking doing great and whatever but like

That means that when I'm in a party, I don't want to talk to somebody about their fucking kid Yeah, but that's all that means. Yeah But because like oh, I I go up on stage and I fucking have 400 people to 2000 people a night Waiting on me. Yeah. Yay. Yay. Yay. Yay. Yay. Yay. And you want to have a conversation? Yeah Callan and I talk about this a lot. Oh, here's it here's it's interesting that you say that because it's like I was thinking the other day like I remember When I was an open mic or in San Diego

And I remember like going up like getting on a show And even if there was like five ten people in the audience and if I did even remotely well It was a kind of euphoria. Yeah, that it's it's not tangible. You can't buy it Do you still feel that euphoria at this level? Um, well, I I think uh Yeah, there are moments where I do. Yeah, for sure. Definitely. It's more of a A thoughtful poignant moment though rather than a Whoa fucking this new kind of a but it's not the feeling that you have it's not this is the same rush you felt when you were Initially starting when you first started right and you like got like, you know

When we used to do that deer bit it was a hilarious bit And you would crush with that or that german bit that used to do right and you there's no way that you feel that anymore I guess I don't yeah, I guess I have to think no I mean because here you here. Let me just I'm gonna be honest with you I know the kind of places that you play right you play theaters, right? Sometimes you'll do a club I'll notice but like a lot of times you'll do a theater and you'll sell it out You'll 1500 seats or whatever on me and you're backstage. I played theaters before not myself

But like I've been on and shows and um, and I know the feeling of like the deadness inside Right because you know, you're up and you're doing well like I've done you did oddball. I did oddball I've done I used to do that one in San Jose all the time, right? It's a lot of people but The feeling that you once had right right. It's fucking gone It's less Less less. It's not gone. Right. But yeah, it's like chasing if you're chasing the feeling. It's like yeah, it's like drugs Yeah, but like drugs so the rush now is your actual just baseline What used to be the rush is now just your baseline

Yep, and if you don't hit that baseline then it's disappointment right and then there are people that want to be like Hey, you know I talk about in my act people be like, hey, uh, yeah, I saw my son up for soccer. It's like, oh my fucking god Yeah, yeah, oh really? Yeah. Yeah, I know dude. They should make a movie about that Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, come on dude. Yeah, but see that's you being Not a part of I dude. I know I know I know I'm the same fucking way Yeah, I know it means it would like you know like almost somebody does that to me. I just want to go ding ding ding ding Oni dude, but but it's funny that I try though to Participate in those comfort conversations like if I met a meeting right so let's say I see you at an A meeting

Hey, what's up, Bobby? Hey, dude. What's how was your weekend? It's pretty good. How was yours? What'd you do? Okay, uh, yeah, I went with my kids to the mall. What about you though? Is it good? I keep asking you questions that right there. Yeah, I like I don't know what to say So I go is it good it explains a lot like in conversation or when he's around my family He leads the entire conversation or else because he doesn't want to have to listen to anybody else. Oh, I do that Yeah, but I do too. Perfect sense now. Yeah Bye

I want to do that Every time I just want to do that. Yeah, which is I can't bring it up But I think I feel like I feel like I feel like that's what honestly That's what donald trump is. I feel like he got in office because he was doing basically bye And people legitimately thought it was refreshing and voted for him I actually think that's what he's doing. Yeah, it's just a wall up and because people are like you can't say that and he's like I said it Yeah, yeah, yeah

And he's also a guy that like has seen everything Right when he's in russia in a hotel room kissing on fucking prostitutes and millions of dollars He has and the kinds of people he's met, you know, I mean like guys like don king are like his bitch Right, he tells people what to do him what to do. Yeah, go get my shoes right and don't yes You know, I mean and who gets at the shoes, you know, but he's seen and done every single thing He has all the money in the world. I mean you go to like even the trump soho in new york Right and you walk in there and you're like, wow, this place is nice There's a library. Yeah, you know, uh, me and sebastian had coffee at that library once just for funsies, you know

And we were like looking around go this he's got a thousand of those. Yeah all over the world Yeah, this dude like he's just completely jaded and I think that's That's what it is. He just says whatever he wants to say. I do whatever I want to do and that's that I want to know what you had what you and when did you have coffee with sebastian in the trump? I really would like to know what I mean. Well, you had coffee with sebastian manoskalko. Yeah another Fantastic comedian. Yeah in new york. So this is what happened. I'm not even kidding. Okay, so I'm there I can't imagine the two of you Why I can't imagine having coffee with you at

At Having coffee with sebastian at the time. All right, just well you sebastian and I in oddly enough like we were friends Like I went to his wedding and stuff. So I mean, yeah, okay It's a it's a weird thing but like, you know, but so what I was doing. I was smoking a cigarette At the trump soho because I was shooting a movie And I was there for a week It was my first day and I and I was smoking a cigarette And I see sebastian walk out of the hotel. So you didn't know he was there. No

Oh Makes sense perfectly. I didn't know he was there. Right. So he walks by me. I go seb Seb I said seb like 20 times, right? He doesn't turn around because he's probably used to fans. When was this this is way before. Oh, so not that right And he got in a cab and he just drove off. No. Yeah So that was angry. Well, but he didn't know it was I know I know maybe I didn't say it loud So I texted him dude, you just walked by me, right? He goes that was you

I go, yeah, and then he was doing a corporate event And then that night he came back and then he called me went to coffee. Hmm. Is that suffice to you? Fuckface Okay, so hold on a second. Say that whole fucking story. Fuckface. Let's go with that. No, but when what? Well, by the way, you started that offer saying you're not gonna believe this I believe that Yeah, yeah Yeah Well, do you believe it? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but why'd you have coffee at night so late?

I don't fuck you remember dude. Ask him. I don't fucking know man You know what I mean, dude? Are you a recluse like him when you're on the road? Uh, yeah, pretty much. I kind of just chill. I don't I do my show and then go back to the hotel when chris was single Could I just tell him this one story? All right. No. No. No. No. Uh-uh. No way No, we can cut it up. No. No, come on. Any fucking stupid stories. No way My parents are gonna hear this shit. It's not a sexual. No already. No All right, all right, all right. Oh my god, tell me more about coffee or no You just got fucking angry. Is that Facebook guys? That's not it. Why are you backing out for some?

Why are you backing up right now? Oh, it's this whole fucking interview You've been backing up toward the fucking wall like I did expose you. There's so many people in this fucking There's a lot of people. Yeah. Yeah Are you okay? I'm good, dude. Oh, you better fucking believe it, dude I'm good, man All right, I'm not gonna bring up the story. It wasn't a bad thing. Gross, bro. I don't say gross shit I don't talk about gross shit, bro. All right All right, I apologize

I fucking apologize to you. Good, dude Accept it. You don't even need to. You don't need to. There's no problem right now. I gotta take my fucking beat. I'm sweating It's so hot in here, dude And it's weird too because we're outside. Look We're outside. We're in space. That's why I remember when I first came over to this apartment. Yeah, I couldn't Fucking believe it I couldn't believe why how your wallpaper is. I couldn't believe it that you live like this. Yeah, and you do

You know what it is? What? When I was about oh boy A little kid We wanted to get like an Atari and my mom goes no, right? You had to do homework right and you know, I didn't get certain things So when you make enough money, I wouldn't you want to buy the things you want to buy Right, I understand that but You should want to buy different things

Then what a space wallpaper Did you put that up? Yeah. Yeah, he did or did you have someone put it up? I a guy that I worked with on a show put it up. Wow. He was a set design the guy So you paid him to do it or he Yeah, I have money here. No, but or did he just do it? He probably just did it because he bought me fucking lia Money like you fuck face. You've had network TV. I know dawg the good life. I don't have network TV money I don't have any shows on when that got when undateable got canceled to crush you No, no, no, I was bittersweet man. It was like such an awesome show to be on but I did it for three seasons and

I wanted to stand out too. So it was really good guest starring on it. You know, yeah Do the opportunity, you know, I mean Showing up rehearsals and get get get into act with your friends. It's just really man. We didn't have that many guest stars Okay, we had we had there were eight eight leads. Yeah, okay. So thanks for that We would have been on season four. Yeah, Whitney all the like the lines you gave me for Whitney Well, that was really that oh like I was in control of that. Thanks, man. That's real nice You know, you could be on my next one Oh, thank you. All right. You know what you can't be the audition. Should I read for you fuckface?

I mean, let me tell you something right now. Tell the story. Okay. Tell the story about how They they came and and you went to test for something on a Saturday And you and you said and you walked in and you were about to do your audition and you went I already told that story here on this podcast. Yeah, I've done 80 episodes. Oh, okay. Well, I don't know Oh, and I oh and I watched all 80 You would think that if somebody did 80 episodes or something that you would tell every story that it's fucking dying out Okay, so then you're done making the podcast. No, okay. So have you told the Connie Chung story where you shake your pants?

Yeah, yeah, of course. That one's my favorite, dude. Thank you Any other stories? He had an even worse audition last year though. Really the Amy Poehler one I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring it up again You already told it on the podcast. No Okay. Yeah, we did we talked about it. I'm sorry. We don't have to relive it. Why are you doing that? I'm sorry, but do it quick to me Joe It was just you know, I didn't think she was gonna be in the room I went in and she was in the room and then she's just introducing me to people and I'm like, oh, I'm gonna bomb

And I completely just flubbed it and then when I left the fucking audition I hit a bottle of water and I hit my head over the head with it like a thousand times Oh boy, too. I was bleeding. No, your head was bleeding. I torture myself. Whoa. Yeah, Silas does and like the Da Vinci code Yeah, I literally you know what dude? It's like I have such PTSD When it comes to auditions that it really scarred it to me though really I bet you kill it though. I can I have oh, yeah, I have to but yeah every once in a while But when it goes bad, yeah, like what last week I did that read for that one with Ike in it Yeah, it's called the pack jury for that. No, and I know that Eric Griffin a bunch of people had read for it

so I go, you know, you know, they I went in and I thought I had it down and then I just lost it Yeah And then I leave and I go. Oh, I'm so much better than that. That's what's happened. It's weird too because like Guys like you I know what you can do so it's weird that you're even auditioning anyway kind of you know Yeah, but they don't you're right. You're right. They do though. They do though. You think they do. Yeah, they do Yeah, you're telling me somebody doesn't know it, but there's that whole there's the process which sucks

You have to go in you have to fucking audition and if you don't I'm gonna make dude it okay imagine like who names some people that you think you're as famous as Me yeah as yes, I feel like I'm as famous as Um Sebastian I guess right but he does stand up and not I'm saying and in terms of acting I think I'm as famous as Tyler Levine Right. Well, yeah, you you might be maybe maybe even more maybe maybe but you know what he's gonna do. Yeah, right?

Yeah, why do you have to audition him? He doesn't get auditions. What do you mean? He he gets offers Well, well, no, no, no. I saw him out of no audition once. Oh, you did. Yeah Oh For me, it's this is is that I'm sure he gets offers too. He does but I know that he he gets a lot of love Yeah, but with me is because I'm number one. I feel like because I'm my reputation is That I'm I get naked a lot. I'm crazy No, I'm being real maybe people go because I'll do a job Like I'll get offered a job or I'll be on set and they're like, wow, you're pretty normal

Like what do you mean they go? Oh, we just thought that you would be like tearing this fucking place apart. You know, it's like I don't do that Right, right. Yeah, you know, you don't do that at all. Yeah No, I'm pretty no like you give you you I you gave me a job that music video, right? I think that you self-fulfill it though You know what I mean? Like I feel like you exacerbate that I feel like you Think that about yourself so people think that about yourself. I always thought that about you. Mm-hmm

That's a fair assessment. I have to agree Yeah, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy It's fucking Dude if somebody said to you like just let it just let it sit. Okay Wow, man So what you're saying is is that my dick is so big though. It's so perfect. No, I'm kidding. I was joking. I was joking It's not that so what you're saying. It's pretty good though. It's healthy it's healthy, but but yeah, but

but I'm I'm saying if somebody came up to you. Yeah, you're in a position where if somebody came up to you and said Hey, yeah, I heard you're crazy and you might tear up the set and you went like this Really, you're fucking crazy. They might feel stupid Right, but you don't you don't give that impression. You're like, oh, you heard that about me. Oh, fuck and they're like, yeah and then Fuck man, dude, this is probably could I just say something right now? Um, um, this is probably the most realist thing and it's whatever said to me

Well, if you stayed and actually hung out after at a diner, maybe you'd have more of these conversations. That's the truth, dude Instead of bringing out tokens instead of bringing out toky the dum-dum playing fucking plants versus zombies and then jetting dude Yeah, yeah, you pay for everybody. You know what dude? No Oh, oh, fuck Does he usually put on the table everybody is the toky dum dum time You want toky dum dum time. I mean I kind of have 50 50. Yeah It is funny. It's great Okay

You're right, dude. You know what I you know what itself It's self image And I should I should really just kind of you know, look at my life and go, you know what You've done a lot and you're a talented guy and How do you deal with failure? Like when things just if you go and yeah, like how do you deal with it all together because he likes to hurt himself More than the he likes to hurt himself 10 times over for about three weeks

I just it sucks, you know, like my like like look my My most recent thing was that the mic went out of the thing and I thought it was in my head for the whole first Taking the first special I had to do the second one and I was like shit, man I feel like I fucking failed that um And the truth is You know, I probably didn't it probably I could if I cut the special out of that even the first

The first shot people probably be like, oh, it was you know funny like I but But I so I had to talk myself into that and I was like I got to shoot another show in fucking 40 minutes And I was like I could either Dude, you could either let it Bog you down or you can fucking use it and make it better, right? Like I mean that's what athletes are supposed to do, right? Like you fail you have a bat you're bad You fucking strike out you strike out you strike out you strike out and then until you're like enough's enough And then you fucking turn it around or you let it get to you and you keep striking out

Right, right, but can I ask you this? Have you ever like wanted something and not gotten it? Well, yeah, okay, I mean, you know like all the time. Okay, especially in the business Yeah, but that's why I do stand up because you can't make me not have something I'll just go up on stage and then I'll have that You know what I mean? Yeah, but like but like acting work all the time, dude. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah It makes no say make nothing makes any sense anyway in that world to me. So yeah, it doesn't make any sense You know, I mean I walked in and I did a thing. I thought it was a funny thing I took a I had to take on a character where I was like this aggressive like jersey dude

where I'm like fuck this fuck that And uh, they were like, I was really funny. Thanks and I left and then my agent was like, hey, they thought you were too aggressive And I was like, why the fuck didn't they just tell me not to ask me not to like do. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've had that You know what I mean? I mean, that's that makes no that makes zero sense. Yeah. So I'll just you stand up and I'm in control of that. Yeah We are blessed to do it and that's why I kept telling you. Yeah. No, you're not listening right now. Yeah You were going. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We were talking. That's really just no you got a tan or something Really good. Yeah. No, I think something's wrong with it. Oh, it's a chocolate or something really good. Yeah. Yeah

You put makeup on or something. No, man. No, he done, but it looks like it, but that's because your skin's so good Yeah, what are we doing at time over an hour with christly? Oh my god. That's amazing. Let's do it. This is what we do We do a question and then we answer it. Okay, and then we're done segments called didn't even have to say that part You could have just asked the question. Okay, let's ask the question. You know what I mean? I don't know. Oh, it's question and answer time. Oh one of them Okay, is it yes or no? Yes. You know what? Let's just do it I'm hopeful advice with bobby kalayla and congratulations on monday at 8 p.m. Sure. Cool Uh, this question is from

Jonathan. Hi guys. My name is Jonathan. I've been married with my wife with my wife going on two years in june We have been dating for eight years prior to our marriage. We have always been very sexual She has a very open-minded and I loved her about that. Well, our brady was born I knew we wouldn't have sex for at least a month because it changes to her body Six weeks not a month. It's six weeks jesus. Our baby's almost a heal Our baby is almost a year. We haven't had sex since about a month before she was born I don't press her into having sex. She says she's comfortable with her. Uh, not comfortable with her body yet How do I approach this?

She's This guy's asking the this podcast that question At least ask like dr. Phil or something. Gilbert don't laugh at that Sweetie, don't respond to it. Let it it's not it's not even rude. It's like no, no Just stay in the pocket. All right. Hold your ground. Okay What the fuck I mean I expect a thing like hey talk about a time. No, no, no, no, no, no, this is where you got wrong friend

Don't even fucking laugh it off, bro, right? We're smart Yeah, we're we're smart. I'm not saying you're not smart people. We know a lot of things that you don't even fucking know All right. All right. So how do you respond to this segment is called unhelpful advice? Oh, yeah, exactly. Okay. I think you should leave her His wife and his child. Yeah, just no Uh, I don't it's more fun to jerk off. Anyway, you know what I mean jerk enough swan. Just jerk off. Yeah You know what the thing is is this is that sex is for breeding you did it Yeah, right and then just if it happens this wait until the second year that the second year She doesn't want to do it then you're gonna have to say, you know what let's

Right, let's get a divorce. I mean, we'll be the baby's life and whatever but or or seriously say to her Hey, look, you know, we got to start having more sex, you know, maybe not now I understand you're still going through whatever you're going through but like, you know, let's wrap it up sweetheart Or say sweet tits or something. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Make her feel good. I want you babe I mean, you just have to say it if that's what you if that's what you need out of the relationship There's nothing wrong with saying. Hey, these are my needs and my needs. Yeah, but if she's saying if she's saying I'm not comfortable with my body yet. Yeah, you look you should just take after the Chinese Do you know that 90% of their gay men there actually marry?

Women they have to just to produce an heir a son Yeah So like, you know, the United States only like 15% of like let's say closeted homosexuals actually marry women there It's 90% so you have like a term called donkey where it's don't give a dumb dumb The women actually like they're known to they know that their partners They marry them anyways just to produce an heir. Wow. She's smart. Yeah, she's dude. This one right here's a bright one Yeah, but yeah, like take after the Chinese and just your air is produced and You know, your child is produced and I think she's saying just go fuck some guys. Well, maybe do fun rape

No, Bobby. No, Bobby. What is wrong? It's not Siberia. Yeah, we're not on that TV show. We're not on that TV show No, I didn't say rape. I said fun rape. Right. What is fun? I've fun raped you before Oh, like when you attack, I mean, that's just roleplay. That's roleplay rape scenes I rape him Bitch, what are you doing in this woods? Well, you have the wallpaper in your Right, baby. I go, what's in what are you doing this work? We're in the movie you say I'm like, bitch. What are you doing in these woods? And then I rape him. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's

And she brings out a strap on and then I get tragedy porn. Well, um, that was do you know what that Let me say something about that podcast. It was like there was a lot of motion enlightening enlightening you know I I felt like I grew a little bit Tokyo grew Tokyo Tokyo grew a bit, you know, and um I'm gonna I'm gonna plug his podcast again. What's it called undecided? Nope Congratulations. Congratulations. Congratulations Monday night at eight

I honestly dude, but this is the real though, dude. This is the real dude This is that You know, you know, I know a lot of people And I'm not confident, but I know a lot of people You know, I know Dave Chappelle and those kind of guys, right? This dude right here is up there, man This dude right here is legit. Thanks, man. Appreciate it. And this dude right here is a friend for life. That's right You better fucking believe it. I do. Crystal. Yeah, give him a round of applause. That was a great

Thanks, man Thanks, and if there's shows or plugs handle Uh, just it's crystal on everything and then also my net fit my netflix special comes out in may or june May or june got it call any shows for bobby Uh, yep this weekend. Bobby's gonna be at the houston improv march third to the fifth and later this month Santa Ana casino in new mexico some weird place in new mexico, I think cool. Make sure you follow. Um, cool That's all

Make sure you follow us on instagram at tiger belly on twitter at the tiger belly And email us any questions at the tiger belly at gmail.com and all our shirts are sold out So thank you guys for buying those All right, have a good night Hey Prime members you can listen to tiger belly ad free on amazon music download the amazon music app today Or you can listen ad free with wondery plus in apple podcast Before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey