TigerBelly - Episode 93: The Captain's Trajectory

Episode Date: May 31, 2017

Bobo soaps and steams. Koloko likes fancy eggs. Gilbo bets his foreskin. George is a toucan. We talk gang wars, skin permeability, and cocktagons.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

You're listening ad-free on Wondery Plus. Welcome to the podcast, everybody. What's up? What's up? We got me. I'm me. Mimi. You got me.

The Slap King. We got Kalyla. We got George. I forgot your name for a session. You forgot his name. I fucking forgot your name for a second. We have Ryan. We got Gilbert.

We got Ryan. What's up, Ryan? What's up, Ryan? What's up, Ryan? Doing all right. Rock and roll, buddy. Welcome to episode 93. Yes.

That's amazing, guys. And I've had such a... I've had a weird week, guys. I can't sleep. I've been sleeping at 10 in the morning and then waking up at 5 in the afternoon. Like a vampire. What's new? No, but this is different.

10 in the morning. What is it usually? Six. Wake up at 5 still, though. Wake up at 5 still, but 16. Less sleeping. And then fuck, bro. You know what happened to me Friday?

What? Oh, shit. So last week, my agent calls me and goes, hey, you know, love it or... What's it called? Love it or leave it. Love it or leave it. I go, I don't know what that is. What is that?

He goes, it's a hot podcast, which it is. And I go, oh, and they go, they want you on it. I go, what is it? He goes, it's John Lovett. He was a political writer for Obama, I think, right? He was a speechwriter for Obama. He was a speechwriter for Barack Obama. Okay.

And I go, well, I don't know nothing about politics. And my agent goes, you don't need to know nothing. Good advice. I go, what? Good advice. Yeah, you don't need to know nothing. It's just a small thing. It'll be good for your podcast.

And I just fuck an idiot. I didn't even ask any more questions. I go, oh, I'll fucking do it. So then what? I didn't even know. I wake up Friday and then you say to me, Kalilah, right? Well, I'm not home. So I text him.

I try to call him several times. I'm like, look, you need to be at the improv in two hours. He's not waking up. He's not picking up his phone. Finally, 45 minutes before the show is supposed to start, he finally picks up. I'm like, you know, you have that show at eight o'clock at the improv. What show? Yeah.

That's how I talk to. What show? Yeah. Everything's yelling. What? And then she goes, did you see the email? The pages? And that's when I know it was fucked.

Basically the outline of the show. He had to know everything about Kushner. He had to know everything about basically everything, Michael Flynn, everything. Everything about politicals. You have to stick to that outline. Yeah. Because it's structured. Yeah.

So then he starts panicking. He's like, I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. Cancel. Why? You can't. Yeah.

Because it's sold out show. Sold out show at the improv and it's through CAA. So I can't cancel. So I show up there and I'm upstairs and I'm in there with two other people that are doing it. This guy, Iris, he's a African American gay guy from MTV, the journalist, very smart and an actress. I forgot her name.

She was very good though. And I walked up to John Lovett and I go, hey, I don't know nothing. And you can tell. They're like, what? I don't know nothing. CAA pitched us that you're a political pundit. He goes, oh, I guess, okay. Really nice guy though.

So then it's sold out. So you're doing a live podcast, sold out at the improv and I don't know nothing. So they introduced us. I walk up on stage and I, this is what you do, dude, where you don't know nothing. You have to just play that. Oh, that's the only card you have. Play dumb. You got to play.

No, you say, I don't know nothing. I don't know why I'm here. Yeah, yeah. I don't know nothing. Why am I here? Yeah. Well, you said that four times already. I'm on stage.

I don't even know what was going on and it was an hour and a half long. So I'm on stage for an hour and a half. This guy, John Lovett, is the best. Not only is he immersed himself in the material, obviously, he worked for the White House. He's a writer. He's great. He's also very funny and he's killing on stage. I mean, he's obliterating and I'm literally going, I'm sitting there with a mic at one

point for 20 minutes and Mike wasn't even by my, I just had a dangling by my side. And then every once while I would do this, I would just stand up and walk away. Oh, it's just a good bit. That bit always worked. That's a good bit. And then he would have to say, what are you doing? I'm taking a break. That was doing that act.

And then when it was done, I just ran out of there. How long was the show? An hour and a half. An hour and a half of walking up and down and saying, I don't know nothing where am I? Holy shit. How did you do that? An hour and a half.

He does know stuff, right? So he watches the news every day. I went through each point with him. I'm like, look, you know about this trip to Rome, you know about him slapping the hand. You knew every point on there, but when it comes, when the pressure is on, it just somehow evaporates from his mind. Because the things that I know is what you're, what the things that I know is how he's introducing the topic.

Oh, the basics. Yeah. So slapping the hand is one thing. Yeah. He already said that. Yeah. So then he's like, what, why did she do that? Who was around them?

What trip? Where were they going? He was going from here to there to see this person. I don't know anything else but the slapping, but that information is already out there. So now I'm fucked. I don't know nothing. Where am I? So now I don't know nothing.

Taking a break. So I did that and then the sleeping thing and then, and then I thought I'd, I thought I'd discovered something new at the spa. And I want people to hear me. If you're a guy and you live in LA, you really need to go to this Korean spa with me and I'm inviting people. Don't invite everyone. Man.

No, I'll invite two people. Number one, dudes, you will, you will, you will see my dick. This sounds like a grinder ad. Yeah. I only want to see dudes at a spa when you get there. It's an all male spa. So it's got to be only dude. It's not a sexual thing.

But proceed with caution when you invite all of Los Angeles to and go into how many people in LA that are guys that are willing to go to the spa with me live in LA. All of West Hollywood. I guarantee you, if you give them the time and place, at least 150 men will show up at a small Korean spa. Two bitch. So we have to decide amongst ourselves. We have to decide who the two are anyway.

And it's open 24 hours. I go at like weirdly weird hours, like midnight one, two in the morning. And I want two Tiger Belly fans to just go to the spa with me. You're going to see my penis. You're going to see my ritual, but I figured out a new way to clean myself. Okay. What's your previous? Explain to us how you usually do it, but now, but also explains us the new way.

My brother and I will go and as, okay, so you go and there's pool tables in the front of this, in the lobby of this place, pool or ping pong? No, there's pool tables, ping pong upstairs. And there's always like shady fucking Korean characters. There's a guy that dresses full camo at a spot, but yeah, no, a Korean guy, full, but not even like Vietnam camo desert storm, like the lighter tan, like not helping you at all. Right here.

And there's another guy he hangs out with is this fatter man. He wears a wife beater, suspenders, but the more commindi kind. The more commindi suspenders, right? He's got a mustache, aviar glasses at night. Yeah. Right? He wears one of those. You ever see, um, uh, poltergeist two, the evil guy in that?

Yeah. What does he wear? Like an Amish black hat, pretty much. Let's take a, um, it's, it's, it's a, it's a fucking hat, a black fucking hat, man, fucking inside. But they're Koreans who are wearing them. He's a Korean dude. That's right.

And he has a lot of cash and he's always like throwing it on tables for some reason. But I don't really try to analyze it because I feel like if I lock eyes with them, then I'm going to be in for some shit. Like talk to. You'll give up. You'll give up. And then I have to, I have to be a mule, a drug mule or something for him. Put balloons up your butt.

Yeah, so I'll look at them for a split second and then I'll just walk by. So you don't interact with anyone there? What the fuck am I going to say? What's up? Nice suspenders. So then I go in and my brother, if my brother's there, we immediately take a shit. Okay. And we, we go to, I go to the big stall.

He goes a little one and we, at the same time, and we also giggle. We just got to go, I go, he'll fart and I'll go, it'll giggle. It's so much fun. It's so much fun. We'll just giggle like kids, you know what I mean? And then we, you get naked, you put your clothes in the locker and you can walk into this spa and it reminds you of like the seventies and they just, nothing's modern. It's the, the tiles, the color scheme is like this Soviet green, right?

Soviet green. I'm trying. You know what Soviet green is. Everyone knows a Soviet green. Yeah. I feel like an alien's pussy, oh yeah, Soviet green, that broth on the Roswell we used to go to. Yeah.

It's an alien covenant. Yeah. I saw that. And then here's what I do now. Also, the steam room is illegal. What do you mean? Oh, I've been in that. It's the heat, the temperature.

They don't turn it off for 24 hours a day, every day for all year. When you walk in there, it's like the surface of the sun. It's so fucking hot. You could like die there. You literally, I've seen guys walk in and walk out. Someone did die there last week. Oh yeah. What?

Last week? No, like a couple of months ago. No, you said two, two. No. Cause I just saw Tanaka. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

So Alex Tanaka, if you guys don't know who he is, if you guys ever seen the movie Rushmore, anybody, have you seen the movie Rushmore? Yes. Yes. The Chinese girl that's in there. Oh, the girl from old school too. Yeah. Rushmore's girlfriend in it.

She's also the girl from old school who rats him out at the very end. Yeah. That's her brother. And her brother was the executive producer of animal practice, the NBC sitcom I was on. You winked twice. Okay. Cause you winked twice. Just for listeners that don't know.

No, there's a documentary crew in here. We gotta tell people. And I'm doing, there's a documentary crew from England and I'm giving them little winky winks. Okay. Animal practice. So I did some ADR for this guy, Alex Tanaka, and he goes, cause I introduced him to the spa.

You go, oh man, you know what happened the other day? I go, what? I was in the steam room and I look over and a guy was dead next to me. Wow. I go, yeah. And he goes, yeah. And then I just sat there and the ambulance came, they pulled him out and they just didn't close the place.

He stayed in the steam room? He stayed in there? Yeah. So that's what, so this is my new theory though, the method. Okay. I did it once last week and I walked in and I take a shower and I lather my body with soap. Okay.

Like to the point where I look like a snowman, like lather to the point where it's like, I look like I'm wearing like a space suit. You're super bubbly. Like, yeah. Yeah. It's a, it's clothing. Like a Michelin man. Yeah.

Michelin man. Yeah. I walk, sit into that steam room and for some reason in my mind, and I don't think this is healthy, but I feel like the pores open in my skin and that soap goes into my skin. Okay. Okay. Right. And I start scratching my body with the soap.

Right. And if I look at my nails, just listen. Yeah. Just make a point. Do you know your skin is water tight, right? There's pores in it though. Not his skin. Not my skin.

Exactly. Gilbert, not my skin. He's trained. Not my skin. It's, it's water tight. So it's only permeable one direction. Like you think if your skin, if your pores actually open to things, you'd be susceptible to so many diseases.

But why? Oh, fuck. So it doesn't work. So you're just scratching yourself really hard. So what you're saying is the pores, the pores are like my butthole and only one thing goes out one way. This is one directional. Unlike George's butthole.

Multiple things. Everywhere. Everything. It's the largest organ and protective organ in your body. Oh, so when pores open, sweat comes out. But not in. But you, it doesn't go in. It cannot go in.

It shouldn't go in. Imagine if water could just, just freely go in and out of our skin. It doesn't work then. But anyways. So just, what are, what are other people's reactions when you walk into this steam room like? They hate it. They hate it.

Yeah. Yeah. But that's scary because at least for a woman when you soap your vagina. Yeah. Like if a little bit of soap goes in your, your keyhole, oh, it burns when you actually finally pee. Yeah. It burns.

It's excruciating. Does it feel the same for men when the soap goes into the dickhole? My dick has no feeling. Like it died 12 years ago. You learn as a kid, don't jerk off with head and shoulders. That really hurts once you pee afterwards. Whoa. Don't jerk off.

You know what you don't jerk off with? What? Is that tiger balm. You did not do that. Oh yeah. Tiger balm? Yeah. Yeah.

Dude, I'm okay. I'm going to tell you or something right now. And I want to do this as a contest. Everyone jerk off a tiger. No. I want, I want to, I swear to God, how about this dude, Gilbert, I'll give you, I'm not even fucking kidding you dude, 300 in cash. If we could just put tiger balm over your dick and see how long you can last without

taking a shower. I mean, I'll do it, but I mean, we got to, we got to up that with that ABC money. I mean. How much money? A thousand. A grand. A grand. Just make sure you cover the place.

Just wait, hold on a minute. Can I die from this? No, you can't. Google it if you can die. Okay. First of all, let's do, yeah, we'll get, we'll get it. Can we explain what tiger balm is to people not Asians? It's a, what's that other stuff that American version of that?

I don't know it. Isn't it like Icy Hat? Just a homeopathic? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, Nyquil. No, no. Vicks.

Like kind of like a Vicks, right? Methanol type of. Yeah. I think it's a, there has to be like camphor that, that burning. Yeah. It burns. But I also thought about it some more. The skin does absorb to a certain extent, like it does absorb lotion and things like

that. So maybe the soap does seep into a certain thing. Well, it does work. You're gonna sound so stupid and his theory was correct. No, I'm just saying it doesn't seep into like your bloodstream. That's not what I want. I don't want my soap to go into my bloodstream. What I want is it to get into my skin.

Yeah, it does. So I can clean it. Like lotion. What the fuck do you want then? All this permeable, one-way water thing. No. My skin does absorb some, but just not as deep as you need it to. So anyway, that's why I knew.

So cause I was in there and so I would scratch my body with the soap on it and it felt like, you know, I was getting softer. No. I was getting like some dirt. Oh, like dirt was coming off. We call it in Korean, it's called mungi. Yeah. It's mungi.

Yeah. Korean is mungi. It's when you rub your skin and then you get that black, not like black, but dirt kind of. So I would clean me like that when I was a kid. Yeah. I would be told to black myself. Mungi.

Yeah, mungi. Mungi. So I was, it was doing that, but then the, then I did it three days after that and I fucked up. It was the most painful thing. I go, I'm going to try my face and my head too, right? So I, now I'm fully covered now. I'm just looking like a fucking, like, like an elephant jerked off on my fucking face.

That's a lot of cum. Right. Hey guys, that's a lot of cum. Yeah. Yeah. I had my eyes closed. I walked in there, I sat down and I opened my eyes for just a second and the soap just went into my eyes and I was blinded.

It hurts so fucking bad. I was like, ah, like that, right? So I'm in the steam room two in the morning, ah, like this, right? But I'm like, I'm not going to go out and wash myself because I'm in here already, but it was so painful. I'm not going to go out. It was so painful. But it does work.

My theory. Oh man. Man. That, that Korean spa is there's things going on in the spa that I don't even know and Paulie sure goes there and one day it goes, did what's up with the, the vans outside. And so next to the fucking spa is a sushi place that's never opened and at two in the morning girls will just walk out of there and go into these vans and they'll drive away. That's everywhere in Korea town.

I, I once had a birthday at a karaoke spot and half of the place was strictly for karaoke and half of the place were full on orgies. So if you, if you walk into the karaoke spot, there's a middle, a center bar there. If you're a girl sitting in that center bar, you're basically you're, you're an escort. And the reason I found this out, it was the hard way is cause I was a little tipsy. Remember that place? You weren't the escort? Yeah.

A lot of clothes and a gang bang. Oh. An accident. Yeah. I fell on a dick and. What are you guys doing? Stop. Yeah.

Yeah. And I walked into the wrong room and they were full, like full, four grown, like businessman type Korean men with women. Like it was a full on gang bang and three of my other friends accidentally went into that room too. And we kept going and like, we didn't fucking learn the first time, but we were also just really curious. And a lot of these places in Korea, especially when they don't have like an English line

to them, I'm not trying to like incriminate people, but usually it's just what happens in LA, you know? But I was there when Paulie asked the owner about it. So we walk up to the owner and all because, so the guy that owns the Korean spa, this old Korean dude, who he has my me and the baseball players headshot hanging from the secret Korean spa in the, in the, in the cover booth. Okay. Right.

Because he used to watch Matt TV late night and also a side note, I'm not even kidding you. And as Paulie asked my brother, the biggest dick I've ever fucking seen and not for being Asian, he's got a bigger dick than black people. Whoa. I mean, this thing is like, it goes to his knee, dude. Wait, soft. Soft.

Bullshit. No. He did something. He put cement in it. What? Yeah. Your skin can absorb cement cause it's permeable. Yeah.

It's permeable. It's permeable. So anyway, so Paulie goes up to the owner and goes, dude, what's that? He goes, oh, and then he goes, so the ladies and stuff coming in and out. How does that work? And this is what he said, no. And that's all he said. Wow.

So you know what's up. Yeah. No. I mean, it's like what he can't, we can't even ask a question. When I first started dating Bobby and I still do this now, every time he says he's going into the spa, I've always, my reaction is always, okay, like have fun, the spa. When I first started dating him, the assumption was that there was, it was a spa and all. I've taken you there, right?

Have I not taken you there? Yeah, but I've never seen. You've seen upstairs. To play ping pong during the day. Yeah. Upstairs. Ping pong. Ping pong.

They have a ping pong thing up there. Second date. Let's play ping pong at a spa. Yeah. It's actually really fun. I swear to God on my parents' life that I've never, don't know what the fuck. Okay. I'd go there for the spa.

No, I believe that, but I just. I know, but I don't like. Give you a hard time. If I really thought that's what you were doing, the assumption that you think that I'm getting like side pussy there. Yeah. It's not permeable. It's not permeable.

That pussy is not permeable. Yeah. It's, I don't do that. I believe you. But I've also seen gang wars there. I was there with Mel. It's the best decay town. Mel Rodriguez.

Aaron Cater who's a, um, stand up Mel's an actor. He's on that HBO nursing show after, I don't know if it's still get on or whatever that was with Alex Borsley. Anyway, I was there with Mel. We're sitting there on the bench, like these park benches, two in the morning. And then all of a sudden 12 cars just come into the parking lot. People just walk out of the cars with sticks and bats and they have a full blown fight. It was incredible.

It was like Tokyo drift. Holy shit. But just sticks and bats off of ice cream. If there was guns, I would have left Asians don't do that shit. We don't do. We know we, when we kill Asians, we want to see your eyes weapons. We do weapons. We're not pussies from afar.

We dig a fucking tailpipe into your fucking chest. Oh Jesus. Okay. Yeah, so that place is magical and I'm not going to tell you what it's called. Have we named it? No, don't. We've said it in previous podcasts. I don't want anyone to go there.

We may have said it. You know, there's lots of them in L.A. So that's just it. Oh yeah? There's lots of them in L.A. Right. I knew it. I knew it.

Fucking piece of shit. I mean, I go to We Spa personally, but that's it. Yeah. But that's for the mainstream. That's for the mainstream. No, I like, that's the thing. I don't like, I don't like, you know, the people go, why don't you play the comedy store and not the laugh factory because the comedy store is gritty.

It's, there's this element of danger there. And that's what I prefer. Same with the spa that I go to. There's an element of something not, not, there's not something, something's wrong. Something's not right. Yeah. But I like it. I could die.

I like that feeling. Naked with soap all over your body. We're blown. Oh my God. How sad would that be? Now I died. But you were just like this. Yeah.

And then like the ambulance comes and I'm just literally covered in soap. Naked, covered in soap. Oh, that'd be so funny. Bobby Lee dies with soap all over his body. I didn't get that much soap on him. Yeah. But I, I, Kalyla, George, look at me. Kalyla just told me this weekend.

I can't believe you never even mentioned it. Oh, that's what I was going to. Yeah. That you, you got mugged. Oh yeah. No, I went to Columbia a couple of weeks ago last week. Yeah. You got mugged.

Oh, don't forget. He got drugged. Then he got mugged. Woke up in his own piss. You know, I'm like, I've got four days here in Columbia. I got to live it up for my first day there. See a few sites. See like.

You're just going just to go, right? Yeah. No, I haven't been, I haven't been to Columbia in forever. You've never heard of Hawaii? Oh, come on. Go to Hawaii. Well, you know, my, like, my friends getting married in, in Spain in like August. So I was, so I was looking up cheap flights to Spain and then I was like, let's check

out South America and then go to Spain on the other side of the world. Columbia is awesome though. It really is like becoming such a huge tourist hub. Yeah. Based on Georgia store. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, he made some really like tourist.

Tell me what happened. Starving the getting out. Okay. So I'm like, I got four days here. I got to live it up. So I've seen a few museums and then like first night. Yeah. God damn it, Gilbert.

So I like, I'm going out. I got like bar hop and I don't meet it. I've met a few people like during the day, but you, you think you're going to get pussy? I thought, man, I'm exotic in South America, my friend. I got to send you this picture. He sent us. Look at me right now. He sent us a picture.

Look at my eyes right now. Globally. Globally. You're unfuckable. All right. Dude. That's a lot. Even in LA.

Even interstellar. Maybe even. In South America. If you're on the Romulan. I'm exotic. No pussy for you. Okay. South America.

I'm exotic. I'm like a toucan. You received. You received. You arrived at what day? Thursday? Yeah. Okay.

This is the text that we received from George that Thursday. He says, just grabbing a coffee and girls want to take a photo with me. Here. Look at it. And that's the last we heard from him. Just grabbing a coffee and girls want to take a photo with me. That's so fucking gross. He sent that to Gilbert and I fucking toucan.

Let me look at these girls. Let me look at them. They're cute. They're okay. Yeah. Yeah. They're okay. What did they say to you?

They do the whole Brad Pitt thing again? No, no. It's not Brad Pitt. It was just like, hey, can we take a photo? What you doing? Yeah. So if you don't know listening, when he goes to other countries, people think that he's Brad Pitt.

Well, allegedly. Allegedly. Allegedly. It happened once. Okay. Yeah. Well, that person is blind and retarded. They have those two in India.

If anyone looks at you goes, is that Brad Pitt? They're blind and retarded. Yeah. There's no, I met a doctor or I would just go, that's what you are. Have you, okay, I have black friends who have been to, who are actually in Korea right now. Yeah. And my friend's boyfriend, who's a black guy, everyone was screaming and taking pictures

with him because they thought he was usher. He looks nothing like usher. Yeah. Nothing. So I believe Georgia's story. It's just sometimes, you know, if they've never seen anything that pink before, they're probably just going to assume it's Brad Pitt. So what you're saying to me, if I go to Africa, I'm in the Congo, they're going to go, jelly.

Yes. Possibly. Probably. With my body. Faberge egg body. I would just love it. A whole village of people in Africa, like start like praising Bobby. Did you just call me a Faberge egg body and we got the title of this episode brought to

you by you just said that earlier today, he was playing video games and he had his underwear hiked up really high and his shirt tucked in his underwear. He stood up and swear to you, you know, there's two types of body shapes. They always say your pear, your apple shape. He's neither. There's a third. He's a fancy Faberge egg. Hey, you're fancy.

You're fancy. Yeah. And she fucks me. So you fuck a Faberge egg. Where's the joke? The joke's on her. You be fucking Faberge eggs. You're fucking a Faberge eggs.

I've always been a fan of Faberge, I've always wanted to own one. Yeah. So anyways, so tell me what happened. So yeah, so I go out, I go bar hopping, didn't meet anybody like that, and then I'm walking down the street and this real nice guy, Javier comes up, he's like, hey, how's it going? He said his name. Yeah. Not his real name.

Did he say his name was Javier or just made that up for the story, be real? No. His real name's Javier. Yeah, I believe you. He's the main character in the story. Just listen, Bobby. All right, so Javier. So we go out, I buy him a beer at like a bar.

You don't know him? He was a nice guy. He was like, he had an easy laugh, like a, huh, huh, huh. Everything I said was funny. Oh, man. That's a villain, man. That's a fucking villain. That's a fucking villain, man.

Okay, the main part, what did Javier say he did for a living, George? Oh, he's an aspiring rapper. We talked about like, you know, doing some music videos. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. See that in Hollywood every day. Yeah, everybody's a producer here. It's like going to Beijing, China, meeting a Chinese guy going, I drive for NASCAR. Yep.

Same thing. Nope. No, you do not, sir. No, you don't. Hey, the Asian guy just won the huge race car thing in Asia this weekend. See how you know the name of it? Somebody tweeted at it because Bobby had previously made a comment about how there are, and it's in an arcade.

All right, it was cruising USA in an arcade game. We have a lot of good Asian drivers, Bobby Teese. So he kept on like being like, oh man, let's go to this strip club and I'm like, man, look at me, I don't need to go to a strip club here, I'm exotic here, you know, that's why I came here. So I could be like, yeah, I could be, and like, you know, he's like, yeah, let's go to the strip club. He's like, I'm like, nah, then he's like, oh man, I know this great club down the way.

So let's, and I'm like, sure, I can go there, maybe learn some salsa, have some fun. So we start walking, it's, we're getting to this kind of, kind of seedier section town, but I'm like, I trust this guy, he's a, he's an aspiring rapper. He knows his way around town. George. Uh, so we get, of course, to, uh, the Troyesha strip club we get there, and I'm like, oh, of course it's a strip club after you say like no three times in a Latin American country, you're going to be at a strip club.

So we get in and I'm like, okay, I'll, I'll stay here for a few drinks since we bought a bottle of rum on the way. And, uh, I had two drinks, uh, two shots of the rum, and then I woke up in my hotel bed the next morning with my pants on. I was like, this is kind of strange. And then I kind of felt down, I was like, I think I peed my pants and then I checked my pockets. I'm like, I have nothing in my pockets.

I got drugged and robbed in Columbia. But my mom, like, was scared what happened happened. What everybody assumes is going to happen. I've been all around South America. You blocked out. Completely. He was drugged, obviously. Okay, so I'm just going to tell you something right now, okay, from the time from the strip

club till you woke up in that seven hour period, anything could have happened. I told him, I was like, did you check your butthole? How did it feel? Was it throbbing? You could have had midgets. I had a great night's sleep. That's the most annoying thing. You go to a foreign country for a story.

I don't even remember the fucking story. Yeah, I'm so mad at you right now. I am a little mad at you, George. What did he take? I have no idea. I had a great night's sleep. No, what did he take on your pockets? So we got my iPhone and about $150 credit cards.

One credit card. I had two, so I kept them all separate. That's smart. That's smart. I had my passport separate, so I always split up everything. I was mugged in South Africa, I told you that. So I know how it feels. But that wasn't drug daylight, it was obvious.

Yeah, I wasn't drug. It wouldn't have happened. No, it was purely because there were warning signs at every step and I just walked right past every warning sign. I was like, bored in a new country and I wanted to like... Number one, Javier. That's where you made the mistake. Number two, a spying rapper.

A spying rapper. Second mistake. Also, George, you have to realize you look a certain way. You look like that money. You look weak. Oh, well... That's not what I was saying. Jesus Christ, Bobby.

You look weak. Yeah. Well, I do think like my... How nice I am helps out because I asked the lady, I asked the lady at the hotel. She asked to unlock the door because it's like a dangerous area. So I was like, hey, did I seem strange last night when I came back? She was like, nah, you said goodbye to your friend, you hugged him and then you like walked up to your room.

That's so strange. That's strange. What the... I say it's an inside. She knew about it. She knows Javier. Everyone in the strip club, too. Yeah.

No, I think... They do this often. They do it often. They wait outside your hotel. No, not the hotel lady. Bullshit. I think the hotel lady, too. No, no.

If it was a hotel lady, then my hotel would have been robbed, too. It's so hard for me to believe that as blacked out as you were, that let's say you got drugged with, you know, GHB or something like that, that you were lively and conversational and seemed fine. That seemed so unlikely for me. Like, you only took two shots of rum and let's say you were... Did I remember? Yeah.

Yeah. But I woke up... Yeah, I didn't have a hangover or anything. Inside job. We never heard from him again, so he took your phone, too, right? So after he sent us that picture, I was like, George hasn't posted anything from Colombia. Oh, we saw it. Okay, stop.

Stop. So when that happens, are you Verizon? AT&T. You're AT&T. They don't have those stores there? What do you mean? Find my phone, you mean? No.

They don't have an AT&T in Colombia. Oh, like, yeah, do they have those? Yeah, I didn't... Luckily, they... You know where they have AT&T? Hawaii. You piece of shit. This is why...

This is where we always argue. The farthest place he wants to travel as a couple is Hawaii. He doesn't want to go to... You know why? They're water slides. They have spots. They have spots. He doesn't even go for the oceans.

He goes to the slides. Yeah, they have beverages with little, like, fruits, you know what I mean? Fire sticks. Yeah, I love all that shit. Yeah. That's the worst. You know what, babe, I don't know what else to say. It's a nightmare.

I don't want to end up like him. Yeah, also... But also, you can go to Colombia and not end up like George. I'm sorry. You guys also go to Colombia and get shot up by cartels. No. That's true. Come on, yeah.

No, I researched it beforehand. You know, it used to be a lot of kidnappings. Now it's down to, like, 200 a year, so it's a lot safer. That's actually very low. Also, you see the 200. I'm that guy. You're part of that number. I'm a part of the 200.

And I'm going to be the one that's going to be, like, the new thing. They cut his ass cheeks off for no reason. But there are a lot of Asians in South America. I'm the new guy that does that. Experimental guy. You wouldn't stick out. Yeah, the experimental guy. You wouldn't stick out.

There are a lot of Asians in South America. So I decided I wanted, like, I was like, okay, this is my experience here. I'm going to do the full experience. I'm going to report it to the police. Yeah. So I went in, and that was, of course, I walked in, like, you know, my pants had dried, luckily. I only had one pair of pants, the whole frickin' trip. Also, I don't think you peed yourself.

I think they peed on you. Maybe. Because you didn't pee yourself. They just peed on you to, you know, because you looked weird. Well, how did you know it was pee, though? Because it wasn't my crotch. What do you mean? Like, you reached out, like, it went to the...

There's a pee circle. Oh, my God. It could be Dr. Pepper. It could be Mountain Dew. It wasn't sticky. It's... Maybe you came from the euphoria. That was a lot of...

That I had a great time, my friend. It was really wet. I just want to say to this to man, I would have went right home. Me too, yeah. No, I woke up the next morning. I was like, I'm going to continue with my plans. I hiked up Montserrat, this beautiful mountain. Oh, we'll say it again.

I like it. Montserrat. I like it. I like the way you said it. It's this beautiful mountain that's like on the side of the... Montserrat. Montserrat. What is it, a hill?

Well, it's like a... It's a religious hike. Fuck it. There's something at the top. Fuck that place. Yeah. And you got Robbie again up there. Oh, I was scared to shit the whole, like, every time I walk around.

Did you get any pussy? No. No. At that point, you don't... You're not... You just want to... It doesn't matter at one point with this guy. What am I so mean to you?

You just want you to go to Hawaii. I want you to go to Hawaii with me. It's going to Hawaii, man. Yeah, but we'll go to the Grand Wailae Hotel. They have the number two spa in the world. Spa's good. They have a papaya-like steam room thing. It's like a...

Is it like a papaya steam room? No, it's like a papaya steam room. It's like a papaya... What is that? It's papaya hot tub, I mean. What? And instead of water, it's papaya juice. So you cover your whole body with papaya and then you...

And you go in there and you put little cucumbers in your eyes and you just pass out. What's the best? Oh, shit, I want to know. No fucking... Mugging, no urine on myself. Nothing. No urine on myself. So yeah, so I went...

Dude, I had a... Baby, I had a prostitute in Honolulu once. Yeah. There are many there. But can I tell you what she did that really fucking bothered me? Mm-hmm. What'd she do? She put two condoms on me.

She dumb? Double-bagged you? She double-bagged me. It's the worst thing you can do. And like my friend, I was with Dion and he goes, yo, man, I never... One condom. He's never been double condom. And no one's ever been double condom.

I just look like... That's also a compliment. You look like somebody who's probably had a lot of prostitutes with you before. She's probably like, this guy pays for a lot of prostitutes. And then you know what she did is she held... You know when I was having sex with her? She took her fingers and held the condoms in place, just in case so that it wouldn't... She's holding her penis like a cigarette?

Not at all. Yeah, like a cigar. Like a cigar. Like a cigar. Yeah, yeah. Like a scorcher nigger with a cigar, right? And she did that and that's how dirty I look. Oh man.

I should have fucking taken note when we first started dating. I know. Because her vagina was still itches. It's still itches. Four years in and it's still itches. My dick makes her fucking vagina itch. It's a mystery every time. It's a mystery every fucking time.

I don't care. That's who I am. I don't care. I will make your vagina itch. That is who I am. I told you guys this, right? The first time I got tested for everything when we first started dating, he was like, can you let me know if I have anything based on your test?

He called me right after he said, do I have my HIV positive? Yeah. What am I going on with me? What do I have from your vagina, Sam? Yeah. I'm sorry, guys. I just wasn't raised religiously. I think it's my parents fault.

I just have a seedy quality about me and I don't know what to do about it. I've been going on Facebook lately and watching, going into my friends from high schools like profiles and looking at their photos and they just have kids and they're in parks and they're like going to barbecues and they're like going to work and doing things like that. And you're getting double-packed. I'm getting double-packed and you know, I don't wake up till five. I don't know what the fuck happened to me. I look at their lives and I go, and they all still hang out with each other.

Oh, really? Yeah, there's barbecues with Craig Crawford and Craig Rogers and all these guys and they're just laughing and drinking their beers. Meanwhile, this is what I'm doing. What wrong with me? Maybe it's right. Maybe it's right. Maybe they look at my thing and they go, look at what he's doing.

It's a different kind of right. Maybe. Yeah. And you know, we should be grateful because of the things going on in the world. Manchester. Oh, God. That's not a laughing matter. Why'd you laugh then?

I laughed before you said that. Why did you laugh? That's not. And then the two guys in Portland. Yeah. You don't know about that? No. I don't know the Portland one.

Really? Really? So this, basically this. Okay, so this white supremacist known to Portland authorities, he's on a bus. These two girls there. One with a hijab. One's wearing hijab. Oh, you know, the traditional hijab.

Yeah. Yeah. A hijab. And he's berating them. You know, he's, I don't know what he's saying, but it's uncomfortable for the people that are on the bus. Two guys that don't know each other, a guy by the name. One is an army vet who has, who's a father of four and another is a 23 year old guy.

Who just graduated from college. They approached the guy and they go, can you please stop that? And there was another kid too, a poet, a kid that's like a artsy poet. Basically like confronting him like, hey, stop harassing these girls. The white supremacist took a fucking knife and hit them both in the neck. Stabbed them to death. Stabbed them to death. And the other kid had injuries, the poet, but he didn't die.

And God, it's just, it's awful. It's a fucking awful. And our president won't even mention it. He won't even mention it. And these two guys are fucking heroes, man. Dude, he's, he's going, he's tweeting all about fake news, fake news, fake news. He didn't even take the time to acknowledge these two guys who essentially, you know, like those girls' lives, like this guy was an absolute nutcase.

Nutcase. Yeah. And they have him. And, but there was a photo on Facebook of, there was like a, not a funeral, but what do you call it? A memorial. A memorial. And one of the guys, the 23 year old's mom was there, she's crying, obviously.

But there was a photo on Facebook that I saw that made me cry so hard where there was a girl wearing that, what's it called? Which one? The hijab? Hijab. The hijab. And the, the mother is, they're head to head and just kind of staring each other in the eyes.

It really made me cry. It was really hard felt. And then of course Manchester happened at Adriana Huffington concert. Adriana. Adriana. I almost said Adriana Huffington. Ariana Grande. Ariana Grande.

Yeah. Ariana Huffington. Who's that? That's how familiar they are. HuffPulse used to be married to. But there is one. Yeah, of course. There we go.

Okay. And that wasn't, listen to me right now, that wasn't intended as a joke. I fucked up. Yeah. Ariana, Adriana, what grande? Yeah. Ariana Grande. Yeah.

Whatever. Yeah. Who gives a fuck? I mean, I care about the victims, you know, but I don't know the, the artist. I apologize. It's okay. She's probably very talented. Probably.

Yeah. She's pretty good. Why'd you just kind of go, oh, George? She's pretty good. Just see us. Yeah. Just see us. She's too pretty to know if she's talented.

No, she is. She's devastated. Even if like, if I had a show, I get it. If I had a show, million, the 200 seats I play, you know what I mean? And three guys got stabbed. My fans got stabbed. It would be terrible. It would be life altering for me.

Of course. And I would blame kind of blame myself for some reason. I would go like, oh, what could I have done? There's nothing you could do. It's not her fault. It's not. You know, it's these fucking people are cowards, man. I mean, how do you look at your, how, how are you a man to have that kind of like system

in your head? He doesn't have a system in his head to think that that is you're doing anything good. All right. It's 22 year old lost soul. You're a fuckhead. Yeah. I mean, what a fucking asshole. Yeah.

And kids you're killing that. Why the fuck? Yeah. I know it's, I know this is supposed to be a comedy podcast. I'm sorry. It didn't happen. But it did happen. We haven't addressed it.

I just wanted to say that, that it is, it's fucking insane. On a brighter note, Arsenal won the FA Cup. Yes. Finally, something, something. If you're an Arsenal fan, let's give Venger another year. I don't know. Should be. I mean, I love Venger, but I don't know, sweetie.

This was a really bad season. We ended strong, but boy was it miserable in the middle. I couldn't even watch it. Most of them. It was just so fucking depressing. We didn't even make Champions League. We did for the first time in the years. And Tottenham beat us for the first time.

Also Tottenham has no trophy. We do. So go fuck your, fuck you, Tottenham. Yeah, but they still, what, number two? I don't give a fuck. Sorry, sweetie, but they did better than us this year. No, we, no, no, FA Cup, the two English guys, what are their names? Paul Lloyd.

Paul what? Paul Lloyd. And what was the other bloke? The guy is so quiet. Paul and Lloyd. Paul and Lloyd. Yeah. You said Paul Lloyd like he was like one man.

I know. I was like, that was a singer or? Paul Lloyd was here. Paul. Yeah. Even Paul and Lloyd. Two English fucks. Blokes.

Oh, nice slide. Hooligans. Hooligans. Hooligans. Hooligans. I asked them, I go, is the FA Cup a big deal? And they go, it's a mighty, big deal. Night is what they said to me.

Whoa, am I in Game of Thrones right now? Whoa, dead on, right? I just got transported, sir. You know, hello, I'm a stalk. It's just like fucking Game of Thrones, isn't it? Yeah. You're there with a sod. Yes, my lord.

Very good. Who's that? I don't know. I don't know how I'm playing. Which, if you're a fan of Game of Thrones? Oh yeah. July. Did you see the trailer?

Yeah. It's intense. Fucking intense, man. We should watch it together as a family. With you, who? With you. With who? With you, Grant.

Us, all of us. Everyone, we don't know anyone that doesn't watch it. Your brother watches it. My mom. My sister, George. I hate fuckers that do this. Do you guys know guys like this? Like viewing party?

You like Game of Thrones? I don't like fantasy, so. Oh, you don't have an imagination, you fuck nut. You're not creative. I don't deal. I don't deal with fuckers that say I'm not into fantasy. I mean, how, guys, guys that go, guys that go. I never saw Star Wars as a kid.

I hate it. I hate sci-fi. Well, you have no imagination and get the fuck out of my face. It's cool to see hobbits running around chasing rings and midgets with hairy feet. You know, that Dingleberry. What's his name? Dingleberry. Peter Dinklage?

Dingleberry? Am I going to get in trouble? Am I going to get in trouble? Well, I mean, you're not going to get cast in. I know. I'm sorry, guys. I mean, you know what? We've been editing shit because even last week, we edited.

You've been giving me a heart attack every week. For some reason, when we take the time to say, hey, Bobby, don't say these words, it's almost as if you take that as, I'm absolutely going to say those words. I just don't like people telling me what to do. Listen, if you're my friend, call me Ching Chong. Oh, you're going to get a lot of Ching Chong's at your show. Can I tell you something that might piss you off then? I just want to say, just for a second, let me just get my point across.

Guys, Clay, for seven years, literally called me Ching when he would bring me up on stage. He wouldn't even say my name. He go, Ching. And the one day I walked up to him, I was angry. I go, Andrew, I know you're a legend and everything. But my name is Bobby. Don't call me Ching. No, it's not.

It's Ching. Yeah, it is. Is that your Stallone? That was like Stallone. Stallone was there. Yeah, that was not dice. Andrew! Yeah.

How do you do a dice? So, you know what dice said to me? Hey, it's not racial. I go, what is it? It's in chitching, your money. And I go, you know what? Since he justified it. Good job.

He justified it. How many years do you have to justify this? Seven years. You can call me Ching from now on. The other night, he called me Bobby for the first time. Wow. The real growth. The real growth.

Transformation. Bobby! And I go, wow. I got through the Ching part. But you can say things like Chinaman if you're a friend to me. All right? Okay. Only if you're a friend.

So, if I was a dwarf or a little person, call me Midget. Or Faber J. Egg. Faber J. Egg's a good one. I don't know all these terms anyway. It's fine. Don't edit. You know what? You're right.

She did. No, no, no, no. You don't know why. But I'm just going to say, you got mad at me because I talk. It's all because of this stupid ABC show, and you think that somebody's going to blackmail me. I just get weird about, you know, like, crazy people. We get crazy emails all the time.

Like, it's... I'm sorry, Peter Dinklage. I'm a huge fan. You're so talented. I shouldn't have said those things. Mm-mm. Sorry, Peter Dinklage. To all the little people.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry too. Elijah Wood. Yeah. Is he little? He's short. He's about your height. He's my height.

I met him once. Yeah. Did you really? Yeah. He was at the comedy store, and I walked by him, and he stood up, and he shook my hand. And also, I did a couple of sketches with Dominic Monaghan, so I fucking know two Hobbits, bro. Damn.

That's where I am in life. Wow. I know two. What were you going to say, babe? So what happened last week? I didn't want to tell you this because it really put me in a funk. But I was talking to an old friend who happened to talk to my ex-boyfriend, and I hadn't spoken to this girl in a long time.

And she said, oh yeah, I was trying to look for you on Facebook. I was like, oh, what prompted that? She goes, well, I talked to your ex or whatever. And word for verbatim, he was like, oh, you got to see what her boyfriend looks like. He's like a short Chinese dude. And she said that that's what he said, like he was hating on basically you. On you. Who was it?

Both Steve? No, no, no, no. Who? Alex, the tattoo guy. And so it just so happened. Oh, God. He was like, yeah, she's with some short Chinese dude now, and it put me in a fucking rage. You know why it put me in a rage?

Because he knows exactly who you are. He knows what you do for a living. He knows everything, but his descriptor of you to other people is just that. Oh, God. And I didn't know I wanted so badly to call him and be like, hey, why are you, why are you being salty? Let me say something right now. I'm not Chinese, even though you do a lot of people to call you Chinaman.

Yeah. Okay. Only friends. Friends. Number two. I'm not short for my ethnicity. Oh, average. I'm average.

Yeah. Number three. I'm sorry, but I have every right as a short Chinese dude. Bobby, you're not Chinese. Bobby, you're not Chinese. I know. You're average Korean. But I have every right the way I look to bang, to bang girls out of my fucking league.

Because that's the point of life. The point of life is to reach out and reach for the stars. Yeah. Okay. And if I dated a girl that God wanted me to date, which was a four foot nine Vietnam music girl named Trinh Trinh, I would have done that, but I didn't. I looked at this girl on Tinder right here. Yeah, you did.

And I swiped right. You swiped that right. And guess what? I crawled inside her. How long did you live in there? A long time. Okay. Right.

And I went, I crushed it. Ka-ka-ka. Ka-ka-ka. Ka-ka-ka. Right. Okay. Alex, go fuck yourself. Boom.

He's just salty. I'm tired of this shit, man. People go, how come she dates you? I'll tell you why I date you, because for starters, you have a bigger penis than him, and also you don't- Oh! You got penis, Alex. Your tattoos suck.

You guys, we have a lot of artwork, either that you send us or that we make ourselves or that Bobby has just sitting around the house, and I always think, what a waste. Why don't we get them framed and hanging up on the wall? Now we can. With Frambridge. Frambridge.com. Seriously, guys, they do the best work. We've sent a couple of paintings and photos there.

We've gotten them back, and it's amazing. They have really cool, like wood moldings. They have more like eclectic stuff, acid wash stuff, and this week we're getting both this and this, our 50th anniversary poster frame. Yeah. It's quick, it's professional, and I don't know where else you would go, really, to be honest with you. And it's really cheap.

It starts at $39. Usually framing is such an expensive thing that it's always like kind of- 70 or 100, usually. Way more. That's why we always get discouraged, but Frambridge is really affordable. So get started today on framing your photos or art. Go to Frambridge.com and use the promo code BELLY, and you'll save an additional 15% off your first order.

Just go to Frambridge.com promo code BELLY, Frambridge.com promo code BELLY. Yeah. People do that all the time, and we've talked about it before. I hate it. I hate that. What? People think that I should be dating somebody else, the haters, and I'm not. When I look at Calyla, I think she's lucky to be dating me.

I think so, too. No, and I feel that way. I don't think for one second, like, oh, you know- I'm kidding. Baby, we're equally unblessed. We make a good team. I wouldn't have 70% of the things I have right now without her. I'm being real.

This is the honest truth. The trajectory- the trajectory- how do you say it? Trajectory. The trajectory- I'm not gonna- I'm not gonna fuck it. I'm gonna say it. Traject. Traject. Traject.

Traject. Tori. Trajectory. The trajectory. The trajectory of my life is the way it is because of Calyla. Calyla's foundation. Because no, it's not- it's even little things like when I, you know, a couple years ago, you know, I was outside this audition, I wasn't gonna go in, and she basically called me a

pussy for not going in there, and I went in there and I booked the pilot because of her. This podcast- you should do one. I don't wanna do one. I know one's gonna care. She goes, you know what, I'm gonna buy the equipment anyway. She did that. You know, all these things, and all the things that are happening in my career, has a lot to do with Calyla in my life.

I- You know, I also, I- I- I hated animals. I used to put bunny rabbits in the microwave, like, I didn't give a fuck, bro. And she introduced me to my fucking kids, Gooner, Ming, Bobby Jr., and Gobi. And they're- they're the light of my life. I wouldn't give me that much credit. But I think I just added a little bit of organization in your life, a little bit of structure, which is what you really desperately needed at that time.

I've had girlfriends before go, let's get a dog, go fuck yourself, I'll eat it. I'm being real. I'll fucking eat it. And they go, okay, we won't get one, right? With her, we- she had a- it was because of Ming. She had a kitten when I dated her, first dated her, named Ming, who lives in my house now. And I was at her house in Long Beach. It was like the first night I was spending the night at her house.

We hadn't had sex yet. And Ming was on my shoulder sleeping. She was like a little black and white furball. And she was on my shoulder and I go, I want to squeeze it. I want to squeeze this until the fucking eyes pop out of it. Jesus, no, you didn't- I didn't- I didn't do it. But you know what? I'm gonna get this pussy so I'm gonna restrain myself.

Yeah, I'm gonna restrain myself. You know, it's true. I've written about this before, you know, in like my diary. I'm like, I'm pretty sure he's only pretending to like cats because he wants to get inside me. Right. Because I don't think that he genuinely liked them at that time. And then one day she goes, I don't know if she was going out of town or something, but

she goes, can Ming stay at your house and can you take care of Ming? And I go, I'm seeing this girl, I like her a lot, I'm gonna do it. And one day Ming is- I'm just sitting there watching TV or playing video games and Ming just looks at me and she goes, meow, hi, whoa, right? And she walks up to me, starts purring and I touched it and then we locked eyes and I bonded to it. And I go, I like this little girl and she became a friend and then a lover. Not insensual, but like I love, I loved her.

And then I go, Ming needs, I love Ming so much, she needs a friend. So we got Gunnar, we went to the fucking place, the Auschwitz for fucking animals, what was it called? Pasadena Humane Society. That's what I call it. That's its other name. Right? Yeah.

And I remember, I saw Gunnar in the cage and he wasn't the cutest one, but I remember Gunnar, you know, he was a kitten and he got on his knees, he walked up to the thing and he put his head to the side and he goes, ah! Like that. And I go, that's it. Gunnar's the best. And then we got- Bobby Jr. I know babe, I'm just doing it for drama.

Come on, it's good. Babe, I need it for drama. It's good. Anticipation. And then your fireman buddy goes, we found a kitten. It's gonna die. Do you know how small it was? Oh yeah.

He had barely opened his eyes. Yeah. We brought that fucker home. We breastfed. No, we didn't breastfeed it. We fed it. What do we do? We fed it every milk, every two hours.

From a bottle. Not from a nipple, yeah. I tried to put my nipple, nothing comes out. What's happening? I fed her pus. The little pus came out. And that little guy grew up and that little guy used to hate me. He just didn't like me.

It doesn't matter. Unconditional love is what they call it. I gave it unconditional love. And now when I play video games, Fallout 4 right now, it just sleeps on my, on my, you know. They're just all around him. All around me. Three cats and a dog.

And then the dog came into my life and I'm like, you know what, this is my future. This is the trajectory of my life. And I'm gonna open up an animal sanctuary one day. That's our plan. That's our plan. And I'm gonna harbor animals and the sick ones. We are going to still love it. We're not going to try to nurse it, but we'll legally put it to sleep and then we'll eat

them. Gotta have a little Asian in there. Yeah, yeah. Get a little Asian. A little Asian. That's what they do. Like in the cock, I call them cocktogons in the Philippines. Cocktogon.

Yeah. When they're like cock fighting, whoever, the losing chicken is what they use to like mop up the blood of the cocktogon, but then they always eat the chicken. That chicken then goes to the winner, the winning chicken's owner, and then they barbecue it outside. So there's a barbecue outside. Well, stop. Come to the Philippines.

Stop. Yeah. I think I completely misunderstood what you're saying. So let me just say, think what this is what you're saying. Two cocks are fighting chickens. The one that loses. Yeah. And that means they're dead.

They're dead. Yeah. Because they have. So some asshole takes the carcass of the guy that died and then wipes the fucking arena, the blood arena within the body. That's what I grew up watching. I mean, this is just what you see when you grow up in a country like that. And yeah, but then they just, we eat it afterwards.

You eat it afterwards? We do. We don't waste it. We don't waste it. What happens to the winner? The winner then goes home. People usually know because they've been injured to some extent, like at least my cousin's chickens, they get to rest and, you know, it's really a fucked up life they live because

they have to be in isolation to build that type of aggression. Yeah. These guys are leaving now. Bye guys. Bye guys. Hey, you guys, I'm going to let you guys leave. But if anything's missing from my fucking house, I know where you live. I'll find you.

I'm kidding. Thank you guys. Thank you guys. Bye guys. Thank you guys. The pressure's on mine. He looks away. Okay.

They were really good. They were quiet. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's amazing. Yeah. This documentary.

So what's the documentary I was in? Dying laughing. It's really good. It's a documentary called Dying Laughing. And It's on iTunes. It's on iTunes. Kevin Hart, Gary Shanley.

Every one's in it. Every one's in it. Yeah. I'm in it. And now they're doing a TV series and they shot Tiger Belly and they gave me a lot of little interview out in my living room here. And I think that was okay to do with these guys. Yeah.

Why not? Yeah. Why not? And it was fine. I need to exercise, babe, because I'm not going to be able to sleep again tonight. Do we have this question then? No, hold on. Why?

What time was? Hour? Really already? Yeah. What the fuck have we even talked about? A lot. It's been an hour? Oh, fuck.

I could have done another hour. I really could have done an hour. I'm on it today. But you're going to be up till 10 a.m. Yeah. But I just want people to listen to me right now. And especially Tiger Belly fans, because just listen to what my words, I love you so much. May your year be filled with joy and happiness and trajectories.

I love how you snuck that in there. Yeah. May you find the blessings of the Lord and some gifts from Satan. Oh. A little bit of gifts from Satan and harbor them in your soul and carry them like their jingle jangles. Jingle, jingley, jangley. Jingle, jangles.

And walk with peace and be safe from ISIS and white supremacists. Can we get ISIS in the Philippines right now, as you guys hear? Yeah. We're not going to go into another topic, baby, because we're already at an hour. Okay. But okay. But I just, that's my message to you, Tiger Belly fans. Thank you so much for listening.

I appreciate it. And I love you. George is a pink dick, slept king all day, every day. Give me the question. And hopeful advice with Bobby at Kalaila. Hello, fellow Tiger Belly. Hello, friend. Showing some love from Anchorage, Alaska.

Yuck. I've been a fan since about a month and a half ago and been binge watching ever since. Keep up the good work and I appreciate you guys. My 21st birthday is on the 30th and I just want to know what were all your 21st birthday experiences like and how that experience has impacted your life now from jungle Asian in the forest. Well, 21st. I'm 45 years old, so I don't really remember.

But just in general, that was not a good time period for me because I felt lost. So whatever you're going through, my fucking jungle Asian in Alaska, don't worry about it. Things will change. He's just asking how you celebrated and there's nothing wrong with him. I don't remember. I just remember there was no celebration. I think it was like, I went to an A meeting and like, well, you're 21st, go check out

a bar because you've never been to one. So I went to a bar and people saw right through me. I felt invisible and I went home and I probably cried myself to sleep. Well, I was in Vegas. Yeah. Well, I was living in Vegas. Yeah. But what did you do?

21st. 21st. I wasn't so excited to drink alcohol because I had started drinking alcohol at a much younger age and had abused drinking alcohol at a much younger age. So my 21st birthday, I probably was extremely drunk somewhere in Vegas, which is really, really, I should know this. I remember my sister's 21st birthday because she woke up in piss and my mom had slept next to her in the bed and she got my mom's back wet with piss because she pissed on the bed.

But I don't remember mine and I'm really sad about this. What did I do? I feel like you're hiding something. No, I really am not. It was living in Vegas, so like it's just all a blur when you live there. I love you. No, you don't. I do.

Kiss on camera. I love you so much. I love you too, babe. I love you guys. Is that it? Do we have a second question? No, no. I just want to say I love you guys.

I love you, sweetie. Who I don't love? Alex right now. Man, you piece of shit. Boo. I don't hit her. I give her love. You know what's so crazy about this whole thing is that I didn't speak to him for four

years because of what he had done to me, but then I was like, you know, I'm going to bury the hatchet because he had reached out and he was nice about it and he had apologized. I was like, yeah, I'm cool with it. I'm sure he's checked my Instagram. He knows I'm with Bobby. Last time I even referred people like clients to his tattoo shop. So I was like, oh, everything's cool. I was on the phone with him a couple of weeks ago when you were around.

Remember that? So I was like, yeah, this is just an acquaintance now for the rest of my life. I've forgiven this person for boxing me in the mouth, you know, top 15 shows to watch LA Times, New York Times, what would Diplo do all your shows on there? Nice. What number? This isn't the top 15, but you know, it's the Viceland show I'm on. Yeah.

So. That's good. Oh, and also the guys, I'm going to Cleveland this weekend. This weekend. There's a lot of similarities and I really need your support this weekend because I don't know if I'm going to, if, if, if splitting up together stays on forever, I'm going to break. I'm going to, I'm going to let, I'm going to not do as much road.

I want to see you guys come out and I want to celebrate life with you guys and let's be together one last time in Ohio, in Ohio. And then next week we're going to be both Bobby and I are going to be in Seattle. So if you're in the Seattle area, Kalilah and I will be in Seattle and come join us there. Yeah. And if you know of any really good, good spots to eat, you're welcome. And also to let me know, George, I find you, um, I know I don't treat you the best.

I'm a little awkward around you. Sometimes I don't say hello and I try to fear if I like you or not, but I don't want you to die. I love you. I don't want you to die. Oh, speaking of which, it was a really good question on the internet. Be careful about this, baby. Oh, I know.

I, it was not a good trip, but I've never been happier to be like on a plane coming back to America, having to stare at the seat in front of me. That's enough. That's enough for us. I'm so glad. Thank you. Thank you so much for your time. Thank you, George.

You can stop. Yeah. I don't get my inspirational moment. I had a little question. Enjoy life, guys. What was it? What was the question? Hang on one second.

Just give me, just give me 10 seconds. You can, it was a really good question for you though. Yeah. Just be careful because it's like, if you would have died, that would really be awful for us. We would probably, we'd probably end the podcast. Yeah. I don't think I could keep going.

It would be disastrous for us. It would be too weird and I'd be angry at you like, what the fuck are you going to why for? Yeah. Although if I was single, I would probably want to go to Columbia with you. Of course you would. What's the question, babe? Damn it.

Do you remember any of it? No. It was the guy who basically said, he like respects you so much, but how do we feel? He basically says, he's confused about how you treat all of us. Does it, do you have any remorse for how you treat? It's called comedy. No, because I don't have a remorse because the truth be known is, I feel like this is the character that I'm going to play for this.

I, being fair business wise in this situation, I feel generous in many people's eyes. And I trust you guys implicitly with the business and, and I get to do what I want. And if you don't like it, leave. Yeah. Jesus, we had to end on such a bad note. So make sure you get your tickets at BobbyLeeLive.com so you can watch the Celeb King before he maybe retires. Yeah.

A quick MMA minute with Kalyla, Kalyla, how do you feel about your Swedish boy? Alexander. Oh, by the way, really quick. Let me just get this other stuff out the way so people can stop listening if they hate this. Make sure you follow us on Instagram at TigerBelly, on Twitter at theTigerBelly, and email us any questions you may have at theTigerBelly at gmail.com. Are there any things we need to mention, George, before people hear MMA minute?

All right, guys. Enjoy life. Okay. Also send money to George because he got robbed. MMA minute back again with Kalyla. Okay. Alexander Gustafsson, a new father, just one. I've always loved Alex the Mahler.

He's always been one of my favorites to watch. I think that he is, everyone's got their kryptonite, like Marquez was for Manny Pacquiao, or he just understood Manny always had trouble with him. I think that Alex is that guy for John Jones. I think they have very similar body types. The height thing I think is what it is. The skinny legs. But I would love for, I know that he's probably not going to get that.

It's 2-14 with DC and Jones, right? He'll probably get winner of that, which is great because he almost could have won both those fights. Yeah, I know. DC and Jones. DC was really close. I thought what was really, I guess, cool to hear him say because I've always known him to be like kind of like a not a controversial fighter, but what he said about John Jones

afterwards, how he was like, he's a great champion, but he's not a good human being or he's not a good guy and that he said he would be rooting for DC. I don't know if he said that because he'd rather fight DC than John Jones, but everyone's kind of a Gregor now. So who knows. Yeah, so it's like speaking up and saying what's on their mind. That was a great fight. I'm going to say his hands, I think that time off did something because he looked fast as

fuck on the hands. I have a question. Remember when he said that he was going to retire, was that from an, did he say if it was from an injury? He said it was an injury, but then he went back on it because it was like a joke. Because I thought, I was indeed the impression that it was like a career ending injury. So I thought that he was out for good. But then he, like sometime last year, someone needed to fill in and he was like, hey, consider

me, you know, for last minute fill in and I was like, wait, that's, that's weird. I thought he was injured. So I don't, I'm confused about that. I don't know. I think it's kind of like, um, when fighters say they retire, just like people can leave them alone, media can leave them alone. Also the baby. So it could have been like a thing where he didn't want to talk about.

He was having a child and like, that's true. Keep under the radar. So he's not distracted. Yeah. It's like even Anthony Rumble Johnson, who just retired three months ago, just tweeted, I have the itch now. It's like, I love rumble though. He can do no wrong.

I just love watching him fight. So good. But he's running a weed company now. So really? That's what it is. So that's what he left the sports for. I believe. Yeah.

Hey, that's not a sports. It might even be far more lucrative than being a fighter. And you also don't get your fucking head beat in on a daily basis. You know, not a bad idea. And then really quick thoughts before we go on, uh, MMA slash boxing related. Uh, what did you, I don't think we ever told our thoughts on the whole McGregor Mayweather thing. I mean, do you have any, what do you mean Mayweather?

I mean, do you think it's going to happen based on what's been happening as of today? So Connor has signed and everything is good on Connor's side, but it's Mayweather's move, right? So it, we're waiting on him. Do you think he makes it easy? Oh hell no. He's never made it easy. Connor McGregor Mayweather.

How long did Pacquiao Mayweather take? Three years in the making? Four? Fucking longer than that. Five years in the making? He waited for Manny to get it. Get old, have a broken shoulder and lose a bunch of fights. Yeah.

I'm, I'm so. Mayweather's smart. He'll try, he'll milk that money. Yeah. I mean, either way, it's something that I would, I can't wait to watch. I just want to watch it. That's, that's a part of it. Imagine though, imagine, imagine this.

If Connor kicked him, he knocked him out. Imagine if Connor McGregor knocked him out, I would collapse into the ground and become the ground. I would not, I would lose my fucking mind if that happened. Because obviously we're pulling from McGregor, but like my brain's like obviously Floyd. I mean, he's a boxer. But there's always puncher's chance, but then you're also doing a puncher's chance against the greatest defensive boxer of all time.

In his home court. Yeah. It is. But he's, but he's older, has been out of the game for a while. It gets my armpits sweaty because I just imagined seeing that and it would be such a historic moment because he's undefeated, you know, and an MMA fighter goes in and just knocks him out. And I would lose my mind.

And it's fucking Connor too that does it. So it's like a whole nother level. The only thing, the only drawback of something like that happening is boxing as a sport might actually die. After that. Because there's always this like, which is better boxing? There's always that debate going on. It's also a stupid debate.

It's a stupid debate because boxing is boxing. MMA is different. But I'm just saying like you always have that debate with people. Oh my God. That would be so amazing. Whatever. Canelo. Triple G.

Oh yeah. September, right? September. We'll watch that. Yeah. Anything else, folks? I have absolutely nothing to announce other than Bobby's dates, but for those you can go to bobbylealive.com and click on tour and I've recently updated all of it.

So it's all there. So cool. Also, address for packages if anyone wants to mail anything is 1626 North Wilcox Avenue. Number 161. Number 161, Hollywood, California, 9003828, oh, 90028. That's our show, guys. See you guys next week. Bye.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Barely ad-free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today, or you can listen ad-free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondry.com slash survey.