TigerBelly - Episode 98: Erik Griffin & The One Up

Episode Date: July 5, 2017

Erik is Lando. Bobo is Yoda. We talk per capita fatness, meteorite showers, and long lost daddies.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

You're listening ad-free on Wondery Plus. Five, four, three, two, one. Why are you talking like that? Hey, man. Bro, I'm singing a song in the beginning. Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You don't interrupt me until I fucking introduce you, man. We got Kalyla, my beautiful Kalyla, my beautiful fucking island queen

from the Mud Rivers for the Philippines. We've got... Wait, does the Philippines have Mud Rivers? We've got two-dimensional face. Gilbert. Can't see him yet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If he goes to the side, he disappears.

This is like a line. Is that a brown line? It would be a great character on Charlie Brown. We have right here Richard Ramirez. He's back. He's back. Night Stalker's back. Night Stalker. I actually don't like how he's in the closet.

I know. I know. And we got... There's a girl in there just like... Accomplished George Kimmel. That's just how you pronounce it. And we got a very special guest. We've had him before.

I think this is the first time we've used... No, we've used ASSA a couple of times. But this is Fat Lando. I'm not going to clap, Eric. There's a new movie called... You already clapped. Fat Star Wars. And he's Fat Lando and...

Oh, I'm Fat Lando, huh? There's going to be Fat Cloud City. You're Fat Yoda, bitch. That's who you are. That's who you are. Oh, yeah? You can't even get on Luke Skywalker's back. Luke Skywalker's like...

Yoda, I don't know if I can... How about we walk together, bro? It's good, it's good, it's good. I asked for it. I asked for it. You did? Yeah. So we got Eric Griffin back and...

He's on a new television program called... I'm Dying Up Here. And it's on Showtime. And... And my special comes out July 7th. Well, no, we're going to do that. Fuck, dude. I'm sorry.

Well, I don't know. You can plug up for us. Load on one. It's so unorganized that I'm not sure. No, see, that's the thing. In the chaos, the structure. Agent intern, you know. Yeah, yeah.

This is structured. Mud river over here. I don't know what we're doing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And... When I get my beard transplant, which is what I'm going to do, I'm going to use... Has he told you this?

I'm going to use your knuckle hairs. I mean, what the fuck? You're going to say that. No, no, no, stop, stop, stop. No, let me finish. The fucking mustache you have on your face, are you going to talk about this shit? No, no, no, no, let me finish.

Are you out of your mind right now? Let me finish, right. Let me finish. I know, I do look like I'm in big werewolf films. Yeah, you haven't evolved fully. You know what I mean? No, this is like right before the... In a werewolf movie, right before the guy goes,

rotten, you know? Yeah, yeah. You don't want to shave that shit or wax it? I've tried, and it turns into your butthole. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my God, that's so weird. I just noticed that. Yeah, it's really bad.

Because you're such a big guy that there's just so much to look at. Here we go. So I just slowly noticed things about yourself. First of all, Bobby, per capita, you're way fatter. You know what I mean? What do you mean? Per capita. Proportionally.

Yeah, proportionally, you're just like, okay. Okay, see, this is a... Don't make fun of me from my doctor. This is 1950s dog. Yeah. A water hose is going to come out next. Yeah. So the show, comics really like the show.

I'm dying up here. Yeah, comics like it, people in the business, they just surprised that. I'm not surprised, but when we were filming it, that's the thing I thought about the most. You know what I'm talking about? If you're on like a shit show, and then you have to walk around the comedy store,

and then people are just looking at you like, well, they don't even... No, sometimes nowadays, they don't even know you're on that shit show. And in the end, nobody watches it. Nobody watches it. And they go, what have you been up to? Well, people have been watching this, and I'm really...

I feel good about what people have been saying. Yeah. I'm proud of the show. I think it's great, you know? I hope we get a second season, so we can continue to develop the characters, but it's pretty cool. Yeah, that's cool.

Congratulations, man. There's no love, but it's pretty cool. Well, you know what? I shot Love This Morning, and... How was it? It was okay, but why do they fucking do, like, 5 a.m. call times? I have no idea.

How about this? It's ridiculous. How about... Have you ever had the 5 a.m. call time, and then you're not on set till, like, 11.30 or some shit? Oh, dude. Oh, man.

I did a fucking The Geno Scans, right? They're like a prank Australian on YouTubers. Yeah. They have a movie coming out, lines again. Oh, I was about to say, had you wait for a YouTube shit? Like, people are really out of their minds.

No, but they did a movie, right? Mm-hmm. And they fucking called me in at what? 6 p.m. Now it's 8 in the morning. Oh, my God. And you haven't... No, I haven't done anything.

I'm sitting... I'm like a zombie in my... I'm livid, too. There's veins in my head. Check this out. You're not gonna believe this. Go ahead. I get a knock from this dainty little,

you know, PA girl. They send you home. She goes, Hi, we're way behind, so we're not gonna be using... I go, Bitch, I'll strangle you with my fucking little yellow hands. I will fucking strangle the life out

of your little fucking white fucking body. I fucking hate you right now. I was livid. Of course. Livid. I mean, I... This is what I can't stand, too. Like, you do, like, guest stars and stuff.

Like, I did blunt talk, you know? Patrick Stewart. Stars Network. I loved you in that. They were horrible about, like, time. Like, you could have a 6 a.m. call and you don't go until, like, 5, 6 o'clock. And then you're getting that top-of-show rate.

So you're doing the same amount of work as a series regular, making 6 times the amount of money you're making, but you're doing the same amount of things. It's some weird... And Union has to step in. You don't even fucking know how much I love Patrick Stewart. He's the best. Just stop for a second.

Mm-hmm. You know, people don't know this about me, but I'm a next-gen freak. Really? I love Star Trek Next Generation. That's the only Star Trek I like. Mm-hmm. I love Data.

I love Jordy LeForge. I love Deanna Troy. I love fucking... Wesley Crusher. You know, I love the whole thing. And if I met Patrick Stewart, dude, I would probably suck a stick. Why can't you email him?

Is he gay? He's not gay. No, he's got, like, eight wives. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's kind of got to get married and leave them. Is he nice? He's a great guy. But I got emailed him after Logan,

and he got right back to me. He was like, Whoa. Eric, you're a great guy. Yeah, he's like a cool dude. He'll get back to you. If I called... If I emailed him and be like,

Bobby Lee from The Distant Now, he's a big fan of yours. Helen Hong and I were on the show together, okay? Who? You know Helen. Helen, she's a... She's Asian. You have to know her.

Allie Wong? Even I know her. Not Allie Wong. Helen Hong. Not Allie Wong. I see how you can... Yeah. Something Wong.

Something Bing Bong. Way too low. We're both huge Star Trek fans, too. Star Trek. So we're there. And I'm like... She's sitting there with, like, here's Patrick Stewart.

What's his name? It plays Data. I love Helen, by the way. They're both sitting right there together. Shut up. Too late now. You already trashed her. No, I love her.

She does. And I just go... I pull out my phone and go, hey, let's take a picture. Because her and I are like, I'm Worf. And she's like, you know... All right.

She's a Ferengi. Yeah, she's one of the people that die. And then we were just, like, having such a good time, watching them talk. What do you mean? What's up? Why...

I don't know. Because you call... You look at people's faces and then you match them according to what you think they would be in the Star Trek world, right? Exactly. I can do that right now. I can do that right now.

That's pretty obvious. My girlfriend definitely Romulan. I'm a Romulan. She's a Rom... Oh, yeah. Look at her forehead. For sure. Look at her forehead.

And I have the nose eyebrows. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a whole sort of weird Romulan thing. What is him? Gilbert is definitely... I would have to say gay Klingon. Specifically gay Klingon. Yeah, you...

Because they're not big. I mean, you're not big. But the eye... The head. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Something about you. Yeah, you're a gay Klingon. Yeah.

You've got to be gay Klingon. I'm a very... You know, they didn't make... He's an android, but they didn't make him right. Like, you know what I mean? Like, they made a mistake. One of those alien... One of those alien androids.

You know what I mean? Like, movie aliens that like kills everybody. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like the... He's not the next generation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's first generation.

First... Definitely first... We made a lot of mistakes with this one. And he's... Yeah. He's still Richard Ramirez. And you're Richard Ramirez. You're Richard Ramirez in space.

In the holodeck. In the holodeck. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, he's like working in the Jeffries tubes. You know what I mean? Like, you know... And I'm definitely a Ferengi. A Ferengi.

So, you know, it's a weird race, but they're like... Google Ferengi and then show it to them. I gotta see. It's not a compliment. How do you spell that? F-I-E. F-I-E. F-I-E.

I was gonna say more like a fat head borg. You know what I mean? Oh! That's a good one. But when you see Ferengi, then you'll go, oh, yeah, that's it. That's it. Speaking of Ferengi, is you're at my brother's house. Yes.

And you need... Okay. Okay, let's get... I don't understand how you could be his brother, and you're so successful, and you have him living like a peasant right now, okay? He needs to... You need to get a house.

Move into a goddamn house, all right? So you can have a video game room far away from hers or she can sleep. Yes, thank you. And then he needs to move into here. What is my brother? You have to be Indiana Jones just to find his apartment. Right, you do.

The boulder thing. And there's like snakes. Right, right, right. It's really scary. Or my brother. For sure you're a Ferengi. I'm Ferengi for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And he looks like a Ferengi that's doing a podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, my brother, when he first moved here from Arizona, he went to ASU. He stayed there. He did great. Nine years. ASU, yeah.

At hotel management, he fucking... That was his degree. What? Arrived weird, huh? Wait, did he get his degree? Yeah. It's a place to be more like... I know.

You know what? That's how he got the piano in there. Like a lobby. Hotel management lobby. He's extremely... That's what the protocol is. He's extremely neat though, which is... They're like worlds apart.

Okay, given how much... How many things he has. That's true. And how limited space. He has his AC in his bathroom. Nothing blows while you pee. Yeah, he's got the AC. He's got a hot plate also in the bathroom.

But you have to step for a guy with no job. That's true. It's fine. I don't have a job. He's a survivor. Like me. Oh, God. He's living out here.

But when he moved to LA from ASU, I lived in Silver Lake in like a two bedroom apartment with my friend Kalisto. We man, we lived with us sometimes. Oh, wow. Yeah, that's how I know him. And my brother goes, I'm going to live here with you. I go, great. I had a little closet.

He went and stole bamboo from Home Depot. And he made his own little... He made a little thing in the closet. Like a bamboo, like... What? Double story apartment inside the fucking closet. So hold on. He's living like Harry Potter in the cupboard under the stairs.

He's the Dursleys. That's who he is. Yeah. But he loved it there. Listen. Yeah. This is why when I... Him and I were talking about how his girlfriend, you know, she's trying to change him.

And I'm like, hey, bitch, like you knew when you walked in his apartment, well, who he was? Yeah. You're going to change him now? Yeah. It's like, it's like when you date in a stripper and you're like, I don't want you stripping anymore. It's like, this is how you met me.

But over time, she'll know which, uh, which battles to, you know, you got to pick and choose your battles. You know how many fucking battles she could pick with me? But the video game thing, you don't, how, how long has it been since you've heard anything about the video game? Because he doesn't play them anymore. Yes. He does all day, Eric Moore.

Not the good ones. Not with you. You got to play in Donkey Kong and sit in here. Okay. Do you scream like him when he plays? Yes. No, you don't. Yes, I do.

No. Because I hear you. Oh my God. You're better than me. Yes. I'm yelling. We're having a great time. I know.

You don't know how much we miss Bobby, but you know what? They do. To your credit. They miss me. He is a better human being. I can tell. He's like more focused and organized. I can't play Destiny with you because I'll tell you why.

Okay. I, I, I gain resentment, deep resentment. I gain, um, I, I start like kids all, you know what, because there's kids I play with. Yeah. Yeah. On Destiny. They'll be yelling at me and telling me what to do. Oh yeah.

But Bobby, Bobby, remember when we started playing, it was just you and I, and we were like, oh, we got to get somebody else. So we got Steven. Yeah. And then we got like, oh, that's when Craig came in. We started to get all these people. But once we started expanding it to like people we don't know, I'm right there with you.

We were playing. Yeah. But here's the thing. But you guys suck. Yeah. But it's not. We do. We do.

So I mean, when did you ever win anything? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This one. Really? Yeah.

No. But the fun of it was. Of losing all day air? Because we were playing together. Yeah. It was the camaraderie of it. But here's the thing. 6 a.m. and the more we played for seven hours trying to be.

Have you ever been to the lighthouse? No. I'm never going to. Right. Why? Do you want to live like that? I listen. I totally understand what you're saying.

I know I get as equally as frustrated with this fucking game. I'm playing and I'm like, we're doing like trials or some shit. Yeah. And I'm like, I hate this. I'm not having fun. I think I'm literally not having fun because there's no way to get better at it. Like I don't care. Like I change controllers.

Yeah. Pick different guns. Why would you want to? Because I like playing with you guys. That's what it's all about. Yeah. Bobby, don't you remember? We became friends because we were in the Middle East playing Xbox on the road.

That is true. Can you guys find a different interactive game other than Destiny where it doesn't go screaming and losing all day? No, we were going to do. We were going to do a podcast together. I see that. I see that. That's what we were going to do until it's Yoko Ono came in here to ruin it.

But I'm not bitter. I remember we went to all things comedy together. I know. We even had a meeting. Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah. I was in the car when you made the phone call and I told you to go to that meeting and you didn't.

The second time around. Whatever. Yeah. Anyway, what's done is done. Who bought the mics? What's done is done. Wait. Eric, did you buy a mic?

Oh, see, listen. Okay. Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby. Baby. Baby. You are the best thing to happen to this guy. There you go. I recognize that.

There you go. Him and I, this room, you think this room would look like this? It would be crazy in here. There was this Him and I. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We wouldn't even be doing the podcast. We'd be playing Destiny. I still think that you guys should do a podcast together.

I've always said this. No, it's not too late. I don't want your fucking pity podcast. Although you and me and Steve could do, I'm like. Oh, we sure could. I think you should. Like once a month and do a special one. Yeah.

Yes. We could do Eric Jean's induced leap. Yeah. You can finally do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys don't have the twitch thing going on anymore, right? Established. Did you hear the tone?

I know. I want you guys to do it. I don't live with it. Shut the fuck up. I don't live with this tone. It's going on every day. Every day is this tone. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, her and I, the other day, we tried to make love from the dog. It doesn't work. Oh, can I tell you why it didn't work also? Yeah. Well, first of all, I don't know how it works anyway. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I would just love to see how that works. Baby, back up.

What the fuck do you mean, my friend? What in God's name do you mean, my friend? I'm just saying, it's like a cabbage patch doll. There you go. That's all I want to know. I get what you're saying now. I'm like a Barbie. You know what I mean?

Right, right, right, right. And how does it work? Okay, let me just say something right now. Is there apparatus? No, no, no. Let me just say something right now. There's a lot of climbing. There's a stick.

There's a stick. There's a hole, right? I can figure it out. There's angles. There's different ways to go in. But let's say the hole is like four feet higher. Come on, man. Then you just do...

So I want to hear about the dog fucking. Let me hear. Well, so we... Okay, so I go... Did anyone come? No one, no. She faked it. Just a dog?

I didn't fake it. I came already. I came already. I go, you did it. You don't know she faked it? Of course she faked it. The dog's wet nose just kept touching me over and over again. I just couldn't...

But also, this guy... The dog wouldn't get involved? Ask him how he set the mood. He set the mood by playing a documentary about kids in a lepo-seria. Yeah. They saved some under the rubble. White helmets. It's a great documentary.

And then he whips his dick out. And I'm in tears. Wait for a while. Why did I get you horny? It doesn't get me horny. But I like to set the mood in a fucking uncomfortable way. Oh, to lower expectations. Yeah.

There you go. I get it. Well, my vagina's dry as a fucking Sahara, basically. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I just say something that happened yesterday? Can I tell you what happened yesterday? Let's hear. I'm going to sleep and...

I'm about to fall asleep. Because I have to get up early, right? Right. And Khalil is in the shower. And I'm literally like... Oh, I'm going to sleep. This is what I hear. Oh.

That's how she farted. It literally... Was somebody like, is that Carnival Cruise Lines? And then you know what she did? She got out of the shower, right? And wanted to fuck? No, no, no. She peeked into the room to see if I was sleeping.

I'm all clear. And I pretended that I was sleeping. And then she's like, she went back in the shower. I'm sorry. I didn't know that was such a... I think that her farting is on the scale of you watching a lepo documentary. And then whipping his dick out in the middle.

The whipping your dick out. I think it's fine. It's fine, it's fine. I don't know. But it was the greatest sound. That's all. What everyone really wants to know is, how was Bobby at eating pussy?

That's what we all want to know. You know what? He hasn't eaten pussy in a long time. Really? I'm outraged. We haven't even made out. It's just straight like coitus, just full on. Yeah, because you know what the problem now is?

You guys are like brother and sister. Oh god. Working together a lot. Oh god. Too much interaction. You know what I'm saying? You're farting. You shouldn't hear anything.

I don't really want to talk about this right now. Brother and sister. Because what you just said, it's not like that. I love my girlfriend so much. I know, I'm trying to sabotage this shit. You don't see me trying to sabotage this shit? Yeah. Steve's moving in right now.

So you're saying Steve needs to live here. But I think he likes to live like a communist. No, no, no. Steve's a survivor. He's like a roach. You could pick him up and put him anywhere and he'll set up base camp. That's just how he is. Yeah.

Steve's ready for the zombie apocalypse. My dad was a lot like my dad. My dad had, we lived in San Diego and he had a store in Sacramento. Right? So he would drive every other week to Sacramento and just stay a week. What kind of store? No clothing stores back in the 80s. Really?

What kind of clothes? It's fashion for women. It was called fashion gal. Fashion gal. Is it plus size? Fashion gal. Love it. Fashion gal.

Did you have to work at the store? I did sometimes, yeah. Oh my God. Really? My dad and my uncle's own 75 at one point. Wow. They were doing really well. What the fuck?

So what happened to all that? Family money. Bankrupt. But, so my brother and I one day go. We go during the summer. We go, dad, we're going to drive up there with you because he's been for years. He was driving up there every other week. Turned out it was a swap meet.

I'm not kidding you right now, dude. We went to this apartment where he lived. Right? No furniture. Not anything. A little like Korean mat. No blanket. Right?

And a little like one of those plug-in stoves. That's all that was in there. That's how it was. So he had electricity on? Yeah. He had electricity on. It was just like a wood stove. In retrospect, that's what my brother is.

Minimalist? Yeah. And my mom is the fancy one. That's where I take. Like she goes, we make gazebo this summer. So she made a gazebo. Like she hired somebody. Damn.

We got a koi fish farm. Like she loves shit like that. That's why your dad needed a place that it was just like, you know, your mom free. You know, just like a. Yeah. I don't want no. Yeah. No furniture.

You know what I mean? My dad, because back then my dad didn't, he didn't, he doesn't watch TV. He's not, he's never seen a TV show. Has he seen you on TV? Yeah. He's been on TV. Oh. Oh.

Yeah. He was on mad TV a bunch of times. Yeah. He was getting residual checks. She had a son for AFRA. The union. He sagged or dad sagged? Yeah.

Yeah. He was. Fuck. That's how much we had him on. But my dad doesn't like music. Wow. He did. I go, name a Beatles song.

I don't know. He doesn't know anything. You say, who's Tom Hanks? I don't know. He doesn't, he doesn't know what a movie is. He probably didn't even know what he was doing. So what I'm saying is, is that what the fuck was he doing every night by himself in a mat in an, in an, in an apartment with no furniture?

Oh, he was fucking jacking off. You think so? Hmm. But it's just so sad to think about that. No, he needed it. I totally get it. He had these crazy kids. No, but back then.

I'm sure you guys were insane when you were young. Yeah. His, his wife was spending all his money. Yeah, you're right. Maybe that was. And then he just needed to go, I'll find it like a, like a man cave, you know? He also could have had things that we don't, not even aware of. Probably has another family.

Oh my God. What would you do if you found out? You had brothers and sisters. You had brothers and sisters. Well, all Koreans look the same anyway. So this could be possible. What? You look the same.

Look at that mean look. Are you getting that on camera? Yeah. He's got on the camera. He's got racism on camera. Oh, it's loud and clear. Racism cam. We don't, you know, that's only people can hear your ass before the camera start rolling.

Really? At least I'm real. My friend. Let me say something right now with stereotypes. You know that stereotype Asian people look alike. Yeah. Do we? Yes.

But do we? How many of you for sure look alike? No. So what I'm saying, all right, dude. So have you been to the airport, walked by an Asian guy? Is that Bobby? You've thought that. One time.

Are you being real? I was walking behind a dude and I was like, Bobby, oh shit. Oh really? It was like a little grandma. Same body shape. You know what I'm saying? There's a similarities. There is similarities.

Obviously. You can go, well, first of all, could you pick a Korean out of a bunch of people? What do you mean? Like if you saw like a group of people, you could go, oh, that person's Korean. Yeah, I can't. You know why? Why? Because there's distinct looking things that are distinctly Korean.

That's why you can go, oh, that guy's Korean. Yeah, but I could also go, that's Sally, the Korean. And that's Kathy, the Korean. Sometimes. No, all the time, fuck not. What if they're all dressed the same at an audition? Still. Like, I've never looked at Steve and you and I went, Steve?

I mean, my brother's Steve, you know? Or I never looked at Daniel Day Kim ago. Is that Sung Kang? Sometimes. Yeah. But definitely you don't look any like any black person I've ever met. I'm very mixed. I know.

What is your mix? I'm just mixed. He's half black, half snuff, I guess. Do you get this racism on? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Racism cam. You know what guys? Sometimes.

Hate cam? I'm gonna apologize to Tiger Belly fans about the whole Ari Shafir debacle. What happened? Well, he did not have a podcast last week. He goes, don't release it. Or two weeks ago. He goes, don't release it until my special comes out. Or whatever.

We didn't have one. I was out of town. Where was I? And you were shooting? I was doing Catalina. I was in Catalina shooting love, right? So then I go, I gotta release it. You texted him.

I texted him. I go, dude, I have to put it out now because I forgot I had to go to Catalina to shoot, right? He didn't text me back. So we put it up. Then he texted you. And the next day, I mean, he went crazy. Oh, wow. Like livid.

Was he talking about stuff on the podcast that was going to be related to? No, he was just like, he wanted to. Spoilers. He needed to come out at a certain time so we could just fully maximize the viewership. I get it. But we had put it up and then we took it down and then people were pissed off. No one apologized for that. So people are talking about your podcast and his special.

And here's another thing. People would be go, why don't you use this person? Why don't you use that person on Tiger Belly? And I just want to say this. I've asked a lot of people. Yeah. People don't know how popular their response and good your fans are. People just don't know.

Yeah, but no, I know. It's the weird response, though. I don't want to say who it is, but the other day I went up to a guy who I like. What does he look like? Asian. He's Asian. That's all I'm going to say. Steve Byrne.

No, whatever. Whatever. And I go, hey, dude, I really want you on my podcast. Oh, yeah, yeah. I got cool. He's like, but you have to talk to my publicist. I go, what? Yeah, because there's just certain things I don't want to talk about.

And also, can you cut things out so that we forget into any dangerous. And he gave me a list of things. I don't want to talk about this. This. Well, I mean, I get that. But no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. He would just, but as your friend, he could just be like, hey, can we not talk about this and this?

No. Let's understand. Let me see right now. Let me see something right now. I think it's the data. There are things that there are things that my brother doesn't want me to talk about, Steve. And I've never talked about them.

Right. If I did, it'd be hilarious. Of course. But it would be. It's funny stuff. But what you're saying right now is very sensitive about it. But what you're saying. So I get it.

There's things that you don't want to talk about. Everybody. So I know those things, but when people come up to me and go, this is a list, go fuck yourself. That's what I'm saying. It's the manner. It's the approach in which this person did it. Yeah. That's what you don't appreciate because then it becomes like we're not.

We're not friends. We're not even friends. Yeah. First of all, let me tell you something. I realize right now that I'm not friends with a lot of people at the comedy store or just in comedy that I think I'm friends with. Why? I tell you why.

When life events happen and you don't get an invite to those things, I go, oh, I'm not really this person's friend. I haven't been to three weddings. Let me ask you a question. You know what I mean? Like, if you guys are going to get married and I'm not invited to the wedding, you're dead to me. You know what I'm saying?

You're invited to Sebastian's wedding? No, I wasn't. I went. That's what I know. I know. You're his friend. I'm just saying you're his friend. That let me know right there that I'm not this person's friend like the way I thought.

We just like work. It's fine. I know. We just work buddies. I feel the same way. We work at Walmart and you're an automotive. I'm over in produce. We see each other in the work room.

You know what I mean? I'm going to carbohydrate. That's what it's going to be. You're over with the dead fish. You know what? That's what it is. I always tell Bobby. I didn't go to Brent Ernst's wedding.

Yeah. You're coming to ours. If we ever get there. No, we're going to get there. See, she's on the fence, man, about me. I'm not on the fence about you. I love you so much. No.

Don't be on the fence. We're going to build an empire together, bitch. All right. Let me say something right now. Okay. I love his friend and I always remind him. If there's anybody who's genuine and who sincerely cares about you as a person, it's Eric. And I remind him all the time.

100% you would come to my fucking wedding. Yeah. But this guy, you know how he is about returning. Does he return text messages? No. Ask George. How many times have I called you in the life? He hasn't even saved his number.

Well, his number. I mean. Yeah. I don't even have his number saved on the thing. Every time I text him, he's like, who's this guy? No, but let's not get off the rails. My point is, that's what letting you know right there that this person is not necessarily your friend.

He made it about business in that moment. And I realized that now I'm walking through the hallways and I start to go, oh, I know this is not really my friend. So I'm not going to like, I'm not going to get too personal. I'm not going to like, I get it. I'm not mad about it, but it was very telling. Yeah. Were you invited to Sebastian's baby shower?

No. I went. You see what I mean? Well, they wanted to have people equal sizes to baby there. So the baby can look at people eye level. Oh no. No, but again, let me say that I'm going to tell you who I wasn't. I'll tell you where it hurts.

The weddings that I wasn't invited to. Okay. Ike Baron Holtz got married, wasn't invited. It really hurt me. Yeah. There's a lot of like a little thing. You're right. And I think little life events, little life events when I don't get invited to things.

It does hurt. And it does. It does interfere with the relationship. Yes. You can know it puts it in its place. Yeah. So now when I see these people, I just go, Hey, how are you doing? What's up?

How are you? You know, a little small talk, but then that's it. I get it now. Can I tell you the most hurtful thing that ever happened? What's that? So, um, when I was on that TV, my second year, I was having a hard time. They weren't using me a lot. I didn't think people liked me on the show, but you know, like people would say stuff like

it's in your head. Well, that's a lot of that's true though. I know. You still do that today. I know, but this wasn't. Okay. Okay. But the boy who cried wolf.

You know what I mean? Oh, great. Parallel. Very good. Parallel. Go fuck yourself. Let me finish my story. Go ahead.

So one day I call Ike there and holds and I go, Hey, what are you doing this weekend? Oh, we're all up in Sonoma and I go, Oh, who the whole cast of Matt TV. Maybe it was an oversight. No. There was an oversight. The whole cast and I goes, yeah, Mike didn't invite you. Oh no. And dude, I fucking cried so hard.

It destroyed me, man. So I get what you're saying. Yeah. Yeah. So that's why I know. So now I've, it's actually helped me. So when I walk around now, I go to the improv, the laugh factory. I go to the comedy store.

I see people and I just go, I know now I go, Oh, this is like Jeremiah. I was telling Jeremiah why he's getting married. I love him. And I was telling him, but we were having a conversation about this. And then, then like later he hit me up and he was like, what's your address, man? I was like, I was like, no, man, I don't want your pity in fights. Oh, you have to go. I'm going to go.

Yeah. Let's go. I love Jeremiah. Um, you know what I mean? Life events. Yeah. But you know, but it's okay because we, the problem is, is comedy is so emotional. And it's so like, you're like, I went to your birthday party.

That was great. Yeah. You surprised one that you went ahead. Yeah. Well, he didn't go. You didn't go? You didn't go? I know.

Why would you say that? Well, because I'm trying to help you out. I don't know. I didn't go to fucking asshole. I didn't go to your fucking birthday party. He didn't go Chris. But it's okay. It's not my fault because, you know, yeah, if you wouldn't have invited me, I would

have gone. It would have been different. Yeah. But no, but I'm saying like, it's like, you just have to like, now you know, you're just like, okay, here's the people I like and here's the people that are like, whatever. Yeah. But let me just say something. Jealousy.

I know. Let me just say this clarity. If you see Sebastian Mono Scalco. Uh huh. Do you say hi? Yeah. You talk. Yeah.

I love it. I know we're not friends. In my mind, I'm like, I know we're not really friends. Really friends. Yeah. We're not really friends. It's cool. Listen, I am not mad about this shit.

I'm really not. It's just like now, you know, because I'm like a, I feel like I'm very personable. So like I'm, I'm meeting, I'm like, oh shit, and I realize, oh, I can't do that. You can't just do that just because you work with someone, even because you travel with them. How many times have you been on like, you're working on a show and like, you know how you're hanging with the crew and you're hanging with people in your trailer and everybody's laughing the day that shit wraps.

You never say that. You need to see this motherfucker again. I know. I hate that. So it's just like that. It's just a long summer camp. That might be a blessing though, because I have a Korean girlfriend of mine and all her church friends are legit, her friends.

She's gone to like 16 weddings this year. It's exhausting. When I look at her IG stories, I'm like, fuck no, I don't want that shit. Like if you guys have a destination wedding, I'm going to kill you both. Well, you're still, you wouldn't come to that. Then we'd be offended. I mean, Bobby's going to pay, right? No, I will probably be in LA.

Yeah, of course it'll be in LA. It's decided? Yeah. I'll probably be in LA. I don't have a say. Yeah. Come here, come on. I'm planning it.

You can't steal the podcast and plan the wedding. You've got to pick one day. Pick one! That raises a more serious question is when you were talking about that, I was thinking to myself, do I have friends? I know. That's another ultimate question. First of all, do you need a lot of friends?

You don't need a lot of friends. You don't. You shouldn't have a lot of friends. You're right. Because you can't give them all the time they deserve. Exactly. But I don't really... A friend to all is a friend to none.

Yeah. Yeah. I learned that when a buddy of mine died. You drowned and it was tragic. And I was, I'm at the hospital and his mother comes and she's, you know, and then the dad came and nobody was around to tell him. And I was like, fucking freaking out because I was like, get the psychologist. I don't want to tell this motherfucker.

His son is dead. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I realized I was like, I didn't spend enough time with this person who was my true friend, busy, busy trying to like be friends with so many people. I was like, cut these people off. You don't got to give people a lot of energy. My friend in high school, this guy, Eric Purvis, he died in a helicopter accident. And I went to San Diego to do his funeral.

I realized when I was driving down there, it was like, yeah, I haven't talked to this guy, you know, because you know, life happens, but I must really love this guy. We're at the memory of him. We had a really good memories growing up, you know, and there is love there. And that's the way like a Bobby had to top me. So mine drowned. Yeah. Well, I had this other friend that was a meteorite shower, his name is Calel.

Yeah. Yeah. That's what he did. You know what? Yeah, yeah. I'm so glad you brought that up. He does this all the time. Right.

Oh my God. Can I tell you what he did to me? I got to tell you what he did. He's an astronaut. He died on the surface of the sun. He just burned up right real quick. He was the first astronaut ever. He does some really gross shit like this.

We were watching America's Got Talent and some fucking B-Boy. Oh, baby, don't bring this story up. Some break, you know, some B-Boy's were on there and he was like, look how good they are. And I was like, yeah, they're all right. I was like, you should see my friend who's a real B-Boy. He travels all over the world to Korea. Well, he's jealous because, you know, watch what I do.

Watch what I do. Watch what I do. So I showed him and the guy's spectacular. My friend is spectacular. And you know what he does? He's all right. He turns around. He goes, he's all right.

You know what's so weird? I'm really good friends with, I forget what they're called, but the Jabba-Wakos. No, you're not. You're not President Jabba-Wakos. You didn't even say the name, right? I did a show with the ones. He said, he said, I think they're called the Jabba-Wakos or something like that. You know why?

Yeah, I did that. I switched the name so it seemed like I don't even care to remember where I was at. That's how cool I am, you know what I mean? That's how fucking gross it was. Yeah, I did that. He does this all the time. I did do that. The Jabba-Wakos.

Hi, what is it? I just don't like people one-upping me, man. And I was showing her, I love British Got Talent. Very good. I was showing her a fucking B-Boy group that got, you know. They were all right. And then she goes, look at my friend. Well, if you're on a show like that, you're just all right anyway.

You know what I mean? No, I really love that show. I know. I like Big Brother. It's back. I didn't ever watch Big Brother. I love Big Brother. Why?

What is that? It's my guilty pleasure. Watching people. Don't you have a... Don't you do that or no? No, no. I had a big brother. Oh, you had a big brother?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. When I was seven, we just went to dinner the other day. Wait, wait, wait. So... Because your dad left, right? Yeah. Not he left. I never knew my dad.

He left. That's why you don't know him. It's not like that. I know what you're saying. No, he didn't. He's not in my life. He never was. Thanks for bringing that up.

But go on. Is that uncomfortable now? No, no, no. It's not. It's not. Here, I felt weird. I felt weird. But...

Yeah, yeah. Just don't touch me. Where's the camera? But... Fuck yeah. But... Brought to you by Stampstack. But do you know...

But do you know who your dad is? No. You don't even know his name. No. I asked my mom once. Yeah. And boy, she got a little, you know, like... I was joking.

Right, right. You know what I mean? And so I got the name. And I wanted to know because I was like, hey, is there diabetes in my family? Is there like cancer? For sure. You know that kind of shit, you know? For sure, diabetes.

Oh, my God. Oh. He's trying to one-up me, you know? I was like, well, my uncle has diabetes. Yeah, but... Wait, wait, wait. So she told me his name. Yeah.

And then I thought... She was like, do whatever you want with that, you know? And then it was like... How old are you? I was like... Maybe like 19. Okay, so okay. It wasn't like a big deal up to that point.

So then I had the name and I was like, okay, I'll see about doing something about it. And then like a few weeks went by, I forgot the name. And then it told me that it really didn't matter. Oh, you didn't... You weren't like... I wasn't like... Seeking anything more than this. It's different when you're like seven and your father leaves you, you know, to go to

his, you know, bachelor apartment with no furniture, you know what I mean? To really show how much he hates his family and kids. Yeah. See, something like that... That's crazy. That's crazy. That kind of thing was just... It was scar, I mean.

Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? Well, then I'll just go back to you then. It was... Let me say something, right? It was stunt his growth. He was there when you were born, but he said this pile of shit. He said this fucking steaming pile of shit.

Like, what is this? What would that do to your relationships? Then you're... Yeah. No, but... See, to me, it's like, I think, but for instance, if you were seven and then your father leaves, I think that's more traumatic than like never knowing. It's like not having Ethiopian shoes.

You have to want to know... Because I watch this show, Long Lost Family, right? There is a part of you that want to know. Or even... Let me ask you that your mom's black, right? No photographs at all. I don't even have photographs. Wow.

Wow. Do you look like your mom? I'm gonna... Yeah, I look very much like my mom. I'm a product of an affair. You know what I mean? Like, you know what I mean? All right.

Yeah, yeah. So it's like just... It wasn't... I don't even know all the facts. Yeah, but what if he... Let me just say something, right? No, I already... Let me stop you.

I already know... See, women have their thing. They have their secrets. They have their reasons for doing things. Right. And I always... When she got upset about that, I always thought, what if he wanted to be in my life? But my mom was like, no.

You know what I mean? Yeah. You know what I mean? You know about that? I already let it go. I already have like... Yeah, but what... You know, I understand.

What you're depriving him of, though. Yeah, but he's probably 95 years old at this point right now. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. What if he needs you in his life? Well, I mean, I know what you're saying. No, no, no. Listen.

They were putting that guilt on me. No, I'm just saying. What if he's like, I didn't have kids on my own. I should like... No, he did. He did. He had a family. Well, how do you know?

Because my mom told me that. It was a product of an affair. I probably have brothers and sisters out there someplace, I don't know. No, I think about like, at this point, at this age, I'm just kind of like, all right, it is what it is. Right. You know what I mean? Because you don't know anything else.

I've already missed the, like, where I see people that have brothers, and like, when I hear Bobby talk about his time with Steve when you guys are growing up, when they tell me here that I go, damn, I'm never going to have that. I'm already an adult. I'm already... I already have my quirks and everything about me is already done. Anything else? Did you...

I'm dying up here. You have a special coming out this Friday? Yes. This Friday, July 7th, The Ugly Truth, that's what it's called. And yeah, I'm excited about this. My first one. On Showtime. Wait, that's your first special in general?

No, I had a half hour on Comedy Central. But this is your real one hour? It's my real one hour. Wow. And it's on Netflix? No, it's on Showtime. Showtime. Showtime.

Showtime. It's on Showtime. Showtime. That's big. You know, I don't understand why Netflix is acting like they can't give everybody a special. It's a fucking server. Just go to fucking Best Buy and get some more hard drives.

Don't tell me you can't give... You know what they... Wait, they said no to you? Yeah, they said no. But I hear other people saying... I can't fuck with you. Listen, I hear other people saying no. But I bought them a hit thing is I made my special myself with Audible with Rooftop.

They produced my special. So now Netflix isn't a thing where they're doing their own stuff. So I don't know if they're buying people's things anymore. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But my thing is I don't want to hear that you can't... Whoever books it now, they're full of shit. That's not only that. It's their choice.

Don't tell me about... I can't do this. You gave $80 million to four comics. Not only that. You got money and server space. These play... I'm not going to name names, comics, because people work hard. But some of those fucking Netflix ones, they don't deserve it.

Yeah, but they need content. And number one, but they give people stuff like, he got one? Yeah, but that was early on when Netflix was still starting. HBO. What the fuck? I know. It depends on who's behind you, bro. Yeah, but there's no...

Here's what I don't like about Hollywood. And I'm going to say this. This is real. Okay. They're... And this is a fact. There's a fucking disconnect between what's really happening in the club level of LA and then what they put on TV.

Oh, for sure. It's like... They give people specials and I go, he can't do the comedy store. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's terrible. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I know. Or they can't perform.

Listen, listen, I'm just saying right now that... And you can say whatever you want about me or whatever, right? But this is what I know, is that you put me up after anybody, I'm going to survive. Right. And I think that should be the test, right? I mean, Martin Lawrence, Chris Rock and Chappelle can go on at the same, like, back to back and I can go up after. I'm not saying I'm going to be better, but I can survive.

Yeah, nobody's going to be like, that guy doesn't belong on the show. But some people, they can't survive. I don't get it. I don't get it either. And it's always been like that. No, but it's just sort of like, it's the people, the powers that be, the people, the gatekeepers. These people, it's their taste. And I wish...

God, I hate gatekeepers. Like, Comedy Central should work like... The fucking casting directors are like that. Gatekeepers, yeah. It should work like the NFL. Like, if you're a general manager of a team and your team goes three and 15, four years in a row. Yeah.

Guess what? You lose your fucking job. Yeah. Okay? But network executives, they put out pilots that they decide, oh, this is going to be great. Oh, this, this is going to be great. And then the ratings suck. And, you know...

Yeah, but they do... I'm going to... I'm going to... I just say, change the taste. I understand that. Change the... That's all I mean. Like, Comedy Central do...

They do... They do... ...arrange their taste every three years. They're different. Not the same fucking, you know, it's like, oh, they got to be artsy and pretentious and like, you got to make comics, comics, comics laugh. Like, you know, if they laugh... And that's fine.

I like comics, comics. But I'm telling you... But that's just a niche. They give fucking specials to open micers, bro. It's a niche. It's not a niche. No, because... What it is, is this, all right.

It's... It's like a comedy fetish. No. The people in charge with the fucking decisions, right, they're middlemen. And the middlemen are the agents and managers and they spin shit and they fucking, you know, they, they, they embellish people's, you know, what's talents. That's one of the few businesses that people that are horrible at it run it. That's right.

They're horrible at it. They're not funny. Wow. You know, and then they, they make these choices. They go, we think this person's really funny. Yeah. They put everything behind it and then people go, I didn't think that was funny. Yeah.

Because they don't want to even go to the clubs. Have you noticed how many stupid shows pop up now where you can't even just do comedy? It's like, it's like a donut shop and dry cleaners. Yeah. Like you can't even fucking, like it can't be just comedy now. We got to roast people. Yeah. You know, we got to spin a wheel.

Yeah. We have to like do, we have to sing songs, you know, yeah, we got to do poetry before we do our set. The other days. As if, as if fucking comedy is not enough. No, no, it's that fucking alternative shit comedy. Yeah. That's not enough.

The other day, somebody goes, can you do my show? I go, okay. Where is it? It's so-and-so. It's 80s. Right. Right. I go, well, you have to dress 80s and all your jokes have to be about the 80s and I'm

like, no, I'm not writing a fucking 15 minute set. No, it's like, when I'm saying it's entertainment, it's not enough, like being entertaining is not enough. Right. And it's also looked upon as a crutch. Like if you're a mainstream comic and you're at like a mainstream club and you're in your set, makes people laugh where they belly laugh and they enjoy themselves, that's somehow frowned upon.

It is frowned upon. So you have to be somebody that makes the crowd super uncomfortable, makes it like people have to like, they're coming to have a good time, but they want them to like, oh, I have to think about changing the world or what it is. Sit and ponder. Ponder shit. Yeah. And those are the ones that make people go, oh, oh, that's just brilliant.

Witty. Oh my God, it's so witty and brilliant. And then they go with that comedy, oh, we have to make pizza on stage with that comedy. You know what I mean? It's called The Pizza Night. Well, you're gonna throw the dough in the air, throw the dough in the air while you're telling your jokes. And people go, this is the best show ever.

I've never been to the Montreal Comedy Festival. I'm actually going. I know you are. Congratulations. You fucking asshole. What do we have time? We're at 50. Pretty good, huh?

Yeah. You know what you mean? The Sylvia Plath References and all this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So just make me laugh.

Oh. Listen to me, man, listen, but you know what, at the end of the day, right, like, you know, when I first met you, I'm like, who the fuck is this piece of shit? And I saw you perform in the Middle East. We went to the Middle East with you and Sebastian, and I'm mad. And a single tear came down your cheek. Yeah. And I was no porn.

And he couldn't make the crowd laugh. Oh, no. I'm just teasing. He was killing. You know how he is. Yeah. I thought he was crying. Yeah.

But anyway, I saw you that years ago, 10 years ago, and I saw you go up and I was like, this fucking guys are like, you know, and we've been friends since then. I know. And I'm really just blessed to have you in my life. And you're invited to all of our life events. Should we have one? Should we have one? So she's going to be everywhere, huh?

And congratulations. And congratulations on the new project you have with Paulie Shore. Congratulations on that. On your project, you are so full of shit. Oh, never mind. I hate you. He's going to do a YouTube video with Paulie. Paulie has come up with me three times about this.

I know. I did it. I know. But he's come up with me three times as if we haven't had the conversation already. I know. Because he's afraid that he can't get you. No, he called me on the, he called me. Yeah.

All right. First of all, I was in a parking lot and he like, was trying to act like he was mad about him dying up here. Yeah. He was like, you know, and I said, Paulie, you're not this good of an actor. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I know you like this show.

So he told me about the thing then. Yeah. He emailed me. I said, oh, it's great. Dude, I'll do it. I hit up Bobby. I was like, Bobby, tell me about this thing. And he goes, you have to do it.

You politically have to do it. I know you have to do it. But I still think it's funny with all the people that are in it. James Morrison and it's good. Do you do what he does? Played a political game? No, not as, not like he does it. You know what I mean?

Yeah. This guy's South Korea over here. I know. But I see Paulie at the spa and I'm literally getting to the point where it's like, if I see him, I'm going to avoid him. But he like, because he says Chinese people in a song. So I walk in and goes, Chinese people are the wonderful people in the world. And there's all these Koreans uncomfortable.

And then he'll walk up to a Korean man. He doesn't know and slap him in the ass. Why would he slap him in the ass? It's fucking crazy. And I go, you're going to get in trouble. He goes, I know I did, but in Korea, they'd kill me. But here we're in America did like, what the fuck? He called me one time.

And this is like a couple of years ago to go to the Gordon Ramsay, uh, Iron Chef, whatever that thing that he does. So we're sitting in like, we're just, we're eating food, you know, and um, Paulie's getting his food and he goes over to Gordon Ramsay. He's not supposed to do this. Yeah. Yeah. He's like, Gordy.

No. Gordy. Yeah. This isn't cooked right. You know, and I was like, and then the camera comes over to us and I look at the camera and I go, you invited Paulie short, you thought he was going to sit down and have a pleasant meal? Yeah.

Like, come on man. Can I tell you the most embarrassing thing I ever saw him do? What's that? We were in San Diego and we're at Jamba Juice. This is the only, this is when juice, like there was only Jamba Juice. Oh, yeah. They didn't have all the fancy, fancy good shit now. Right.

But now it was Jamba Juice. So there was a line out the door and he just cuts to the front. Right. I'm Paulie Shadid and he cuts and they fucking serve them. Wow. And I waited in the line. Actually, anyone can do that. What?

Listen, it's all about attitude. I see women do this all the time too. Like just, you ever been to a place and they just cut, somebody cut in line? I would never. I know. You would never. There are people that just do that. Yeah.

And I, you know what? I'm kind of in a rush. Yeah. Oh, dude, I'm that guy. Yeah. I'm in line. You try to cut. You know, you know me.

Oh, yeah. I'm in line. You try to cut in front of me. Excuse me. I'm not going to go. You're not. Or I'm going to call the police. Police.

Call the police. Police. This is what happened to me one time. I was at the airport and they have like, you know how they have different lines? Yeah. Okay. So they had this like TSA preline. Yeah.

Okay. I'm in the TSA preline. Now it's getting kind of long. Everybody has TSA pre now. So the shit ain't even special. But there's these two old people and I saw their tickets. And they were trying to cut and I'm looking around. Everybody's got an attitude.

Everybody's like, huh. And I say, I go, okay, I'm going to be the only one. So you're going to put this all on me. Yeah. I had to go, excuse me. You in the wrong place. You need to move. Yeah.

You know, it's like, I hate them. That's why. Because people don't want to. You know what you put in your bag? Say anything. At the TSA. A pocket pussy. Wait, why?

Do you know why? Why is that? Because they don't know what it is through the scanner. So it always gets opened up. Okay. And then they have to fucking pull it out. Okay. And who's that embarrassing for?

Yeah. Why are you exactly? Is that embarrassing? I'm fine with it because it's mine. It's sticky because of me. Right. But he has to pick it up. Now my question is you should make a mold of your dick and you should make.

We have a pile of possible pocket pussy. And you guys are so rare where we have Bobby's dick. So you have so many like stuff. You guys should. Someone sent us a dick maker, dildo maker. Oh. Bobby. You want it?

Wow. You can make 10 of Bobby's. I mean, take it back. Take it back. That's too much. Take it back. Take it back. Take it back.

Take it back. Just take it back. I'll be cool. I'll be cool. Just take it back. I'm sure you're the fucking asshole. Yeah, Bobby. This is as big as you.

This is like your own. I mean, imagine. Yeah, yeah. It's light skin tone too. Yeah. We have to dip this in mustard. He said that on the stage the other day. What would you say that looked like?

Bobby looks like, you know, the honey bottle. Yeah. With a bear honey bottle. Yeah, yeah. But it's filled with mustard. He said that in front of a crowd. What? Today I said Bobby looks like if some Asian kids peed in the snow,

then they made a snowman out of that snow. Did I attack you? What did I say? You always attack me. You little fuck. Don't try that on camera right now. What did I say? Oh, wow.

What did I say? This is what he does. I've heard it, so I believe you. What did I say? This is what he does. He's the worst. I say that you don't look human. You look like Kim Burton drew you.

Every other episode we've had on Tiger Belly, he says something about you. Oh, my gosh. How about the billboard in Times Square? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. How it's leaning. Yeah, but your billboard would be on a hot dog stand because... All right.

Do you have a question? We do. Are you hungry? Are you hungry? Yeah, let's go eat. You want to go eat, guys? Korean barbecue? Yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd hope for advice with Bobby Kalala and Eric Griffin. What the fuck is that? It's Second City, dude. Is that brought to you by Stamps.com? Stamps.com. Hey, Tiger Belly fam. I'm curious about what you think about cultural appropriation

and how people say it's a form of racism. Do you see social justice warriors calling out non-black people for having dreads or braiding their hair? They say people can't have these hairstyles because they are stolen from black culture. I myself have long hair and love wearing my hair in French braids, but I'm not doing it because I'm trying to steal black culture or because I'm racist.

I don't even associate hair braids exclusively with black culture. If it is in fact racist, why are black people allowed to take from white culture, example wearing colored contacts, having extensions to have long straight blonde hair, favoring more fair skin tones? Please help me sort out this dilemma. In case you're wondering, I'm a 24-year-old El Salvadorian

from Atlanta, Georgia. It's not an issue. Go ahead. I think there are certain things when women wear the bindi and girls have no idea even what country it's from, what it represents to women there. I think that you can wear it and adopt some form of it if you have just a little bit of an understanding

of at least where it comes from. I don't think you have to have any understanding at all because this is what fashion is in the first place. Why do you have fashion magazines? The word trendy, there's a reason for that. It's like once somebody starts doing something, like the rompers that are like, you see men wearing rompers now, why?

Because somebody's famous wore a romper and obviously everybody does it. So it's the same kind of thing. Black people do popular, fun stuff and then people want to mimic those things. I'm a free living being, right? When I'm born, I want to do what the fuck I want to do. I want to wear what I want to fucking wear.

Yeah, but there are reasons why sometimes you want to wear popular things, fun things. So what do you think of people wearing? It's not like people are wearing sombreros and shit. Like a Native American headdress. That shit isn't fun. What about Coachella and the women wearing Native American headdresses?

I'm fine with it. Yeah, but Coachella people, those are idiots. They fucking go to the desert and do drugs and it's a music festival. People that are like Fortune 500 people, if you're in a certain age, you go to Coachella, you act like a fucking idiot and then you leave. It's like going to an orgy or something or a sex party.

You're not that person when you're at work. So what people wear that shit at a music festival? Why is it okay in Halloween? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why is it okay? I still do cringe though when I see just white guys with full on tribal tattoos. I don't know why.

I'm not against it. I don't say anything about it, but it does make me feel a little bit like... And you have that white girl hair right now, really? Which white girl hair? You call this white girl hair? Yeah, you got some fucking... Get her, Eric.

Get her. Everything about you right now, you don't even really look like this, okay? This is what Bobby looks like. You can't fix this. Yeah, that's right. You know, you take away the makeup and the hair extensions and the dyeing.

Extensions and the dyeing? You might look like him. Oh, we know. You're the same person. I'm the same person. I'm just saying, I think women are just like, you know, with the makeup and the heels

and everything they had to do, the push-up bras. You're not even who you really are. Blue apron. It's the tastiest food in the world. Is this another comment? Yeah, it is. Blue apron.

It's a favorite kind of food. Are we harmonizing? Yeah. Yeah. Blue. Blue. Blue apron. Blue apron.

Blue apron. Guys, I want to thank you for telling me about blue apron. Like, I can't even, I didn't even know. All right. Until I heard that commercial, I didn't even know the blue apron. Okay.

The second question. I don't have any. There's all the way at the top. You know what was weird tonight, too, is you know who came to the, we were at the store tonight, and all of a sudden a midget came up to us, and it was we, man.

What was he doing there? He can't go out? Yeah. Like, he can't have a life? Is there like some sort of, some sort of midget clubs that he has to go to and he can't go to anywhere else?

Is there like a midget subway? It's either him or Brad Williams. I can't do two. I know what you're saying. Like, they can't exist in the same world? Right. If Peter Dinklage was there, I would freak the fuck out.

Read the second question. We have one more question. Go ahead. I heard Bobby on Fighting the Kid, and I was glad to find out he had a podcast. I have a problem for you. I have a question for you. I always have had a sexual problem

ever since the first time I had sex. I last too long, and I rarely orgasm when I'm having sex. When I was younger, it wasn't a problem, because of course, it's not the worst problem to have, but over time in relationships,

it has become one. It's the guy or girl. What is comes too long? No, he doesn't orgasm. No, he's too long. Yeah. Is he having sex with, who's he having sex with?

Man or women? I'm a good question. Because whichever one it is, he should do the other one. Yeah. I can masturbate normally, and I don't masturbate a lot, just a couple of times a week.

I do watch porn, but again, not all the time. When it comes to sex, I just seem to last too long, and never just enjoy it quickly. Do you think it's just in my head? No, I think there's,

your girl's enormous vagina is not. I don't know. A lot of people, there aren't just sexual beings. Yeah, there's not. Interaction with another person is not. No, that doesn't have to do with his desire to have sex.

This guy is obviously very sexually active. It's his, there's something desensitized, probably in his penis, because I dated a boy in high school, and it was so annoying how he just took too long. I don't like them to last more than seven minutes.

Seven minutes is fucking. You like Quicksilver over here? I do like Quicksilver. Quicksilver. He's just funny. So I get what he's saying. Just like three pumps. In, out, in.

In, out, in, out. You know, you know what gets me? He is the rudest motherfucker ever to me all the time. And now, do you see this? Don't believe none of this shit.

This is a tremendous actor right here. Wait till you see the new ABC show. Because this is what he's going to do on the fucking show. When you say about like, at first I thought that was a compliment. What? Because you saw the trailer of my ABC show.

Yeah. No, I don't know. But now is, I think, No, it is a complete compliment. When I saw the scene where you're in the street, have you seen it? And he's telling it. I was like,

I didn't even know who the fuck that was. Because that's so not him. So that shows that you have some acting range. Yeah, but no, but that's not that. They write it. No, no, no, Bobby, Bobby. Right, you have to do what they wrote. I know, but not everybody can do that.

You made some choices. I believed you. Uh-huh. Like, I don't believe you now in real life. You know what I mean? And I believed... And I believed that. So I'm not making fun of you.

Eric, answer this guy's question. What should he do about his... I think he should experiment. I mean, it's like... You know what I mean? Is he doing the same thing every time? Like, change it up. Mix it up.

You know, mix it up. He should try different things. You know what I'm saying? Like, bring some toys in or... Cockering. Yeah, try some. No, not a cockering. That's going to make him...

He's going to let... He's already lasted too long. Maybe he's going to add more sensitivity. No, you use a cockering when you don't want to come. Oh, really? Yes. That's what that is. I'm hungry.

Are we good? That's it? All right, Ray, buy a cockering. No, don't buy a cockering. Don't buy a cockering. No, no, don't buy a cockering. Just try some new shit. Experiment.

Experiment a lot. And like I said, if he's fucking girls, he should... Try men. He's fucking girls. Yeah, he should try that. Eric, anything else? Plug your shows again or your handles? Plug your shows every time.

EricGriffin.com with a K, E-R-I-K, G-R-I-F-F-I-N, at EricGriffin on most things. I'm even EricGriffin now on Xbox. You can hit me up on that. And my special, July 7th, Bobby. Start promoting his show. Bobby. He's walking the camera. Can you get your big, fat face out of the way so people can see?

Jesus Christ. Why do I even come here? July 7th. July 7th. Showtime. It's gonna be great. I love it. All right.

EricGriffin. And I'm dying up here. Sundays. Guys, we'll be back in a second for a cleaning house. Jesus is like, I'm sweating. You gotta wipe this off. And we are back for some house cleaning. Wow.

What an episode. I love Eric so much. Eric and Bobby, their banter is undeniable. Even you and Eric is hilarious. All right. Just, you know, he's a professional roaster, so you just sit back and take it. There's no other way. You can't get defensive.

There's no other way than just to just absorb all the shock. But I think of all of Bobby's friends that he interacts on a daily basis. Eric has always been who I find to be the most genuine person ever. Like, he's no bullshit. He comes off as a total asshole, but he's so transparent and he just says it to your face and he doesn't, there's nothing Hollywood about him. He's just so, just, you know. Like him even just talking about like who your real friends are.

It's like, he's such a genuine person. I love him. I've always loved Eric. George, any quick announcements before we get into something? Somebody on the Reddit thing. And I think that we should do this is wants to come up with a name for the Tiger Belly fans. And I think before 100, we got to have a name, at least something that we agree on.

We tried, I think, early on. We weren't successful. So a few just run through them real quick. Tiger Belly Gang, Tiger Belly Cubs, Belly Boys, Belly Gang, Tiger Style, Tiger Bellies. I don't want anything, Tiger Belly is just a term of endearment. It actually has nothing to do with Tigers. Tell that to the 20 people that got tattoos of Tiger Grimes. Like Connor McGregor.

Like Connor McGregor. So then what should it be about? One I saw on Facebook, slept army, slept nights, slept, slept soldiers, slept soldiers. It was an alliteration. I do like slept soldiers a little bit. I like sleeper cells. T.B. Army, Belly Brigade. Belly Brigade is sort of cute.

That's cutesy. I had to sit on it. We've sat on it for over a year. I'm not letting you sit on it any longer. We have two weeks. I didn't know that it was a priority. I didn't know it was on a list either. I didn't know.

Don't yell at me, George, in front of people. Oh, when the camera's off, he strikes Kyle all the time. I know. He hits me, backhands me when each episode is over. When Bobby's not here, it's crazy. You guys don't know him. The truth. The true George Kimmel.

George Kimmel. Anything else, George? No, Knights of the Slept Guard. There's a lot of them. I like that one. Knights of the Slept Guard. Yeah. Anything slept is good, I think.

Slept is pretty good. Yep. Pink Dicks Matter. Pink Dicks Army. The Tokidum Dums. The Tokidum Dums is actually kind of cute. Tokidum Dums, nice. That's very Tiger Belly-ish.

Yeah. Okay. All right, that's a... Or breast implant themed. Oh, my God, you guys want to see my breast implants? Do you have it here? Well, I'll show them in the next episode. I have them.

I kept them. They're so big, I can't believe I put that in my body. What a wretched idea that was. I still don't even remember you with... What? To me, it's like you are now. I'm trying to pull them up. Let's not show that on camera.

There's none. There's no more there, guys. I'm just sorry. Guys, if you don't like MMA, please leave now, because we're about to talk about it. MMA Minute with Kalyla. So we have UFC 213, our international fight card, which is supposed to be the biggest fight card of the year, but this year it's kind of like... This is supposed to be the biggest fight card of the year?

I mean, every fourth of July card. Oh, that's right. So usually you have a Ronda fight. You have a Connor fight. You have something. But this year, it was supposed to be, I think, Jones and Cormier, but they moved it to 214. They were supposed to be fights. But anyways, still good fights.

Except Seroni dropped out from Blood Poisoning. Blood poisoning, yeah. Do you know anything about that? The Blood Poisoning thing? What do you mean, Blood Poisoning? I don't know. When someone says Blood Poisoning, I'm thinking someone went septic. That's an actual medical emergency, so I don't know anything.

I just heard and read that it was Blood Poisoning, but I don't know the specifics of it. But then someone said that it was like another injury, and they were like, I'm not sure. But if you did have... I don't want to speculate on it. I just know that the guy is like... You heard it here first, Kalyla. Yeah. But you could bounce back from it like three weeks later, and he should be fine.

That's my thing. If you've been septic, you don't fight three weeks later, because you're probably on a long course of antibiotics after that. Like tandem, too. Just not one kind of antibiotic. You're in a lot, and you don't perform well on antibiotics. All right. So the main card, the championship fight at 135 pounds is champion, Amanda Nunez, against

Valentina. How do you say her last name? Chef Jenkel. Chef Jenkel. Good bullet. Good bullet, yeah. Yeah. I love bullet.

I've always loved her. I think she's grown a lot since she made her UFC debut. I do think that I do feel the same way about Amanda Nunez as well. I think that they've both grown exponentially since they've started. I know that they fought before. I know that it went to decision, right? Yes. I think they're completely both very different fighters now, so I'm very excited to watch

it. I'm looking towards Nunez because her last win was obviously just, you know, she's always just destroyed people in front of her, although I wouldn't be surprised if bullet came through either. I want bullet to win. I think she would make a great champion. Oh, you're playing for bullet. Really?

Yeah. I like her a lot. I do like, I mean, if bullet does win, I feel like it goes to decision. If you don't think she can knock out Amanda, she just has to out point her, you know? Because I feel like Amanda is so huge. She is a striker. They're both strikers. Yeah.

One's a lesbian though, so be careful. More dangerous. It's more dangerous. So you have Valentina. You're pulling for Valentina. I'm pulling for Valentina. And you think she's also going to win. I wouldn't be surprised if she did, but I think Nunez will take it.

Okay. So you're a fan girling over Valentina. Cool. And then we have our interim, I think it's interim, right? Middleweight championship. Oh, Whitaker? With Robert Whitaker, the future, and the 40-year-old Yolver Mero, who seems to be seems to like never age.

I think that Yolver Mero, his age has nothing to do with his ability in the octagon because he came to the sport a little bit later. So he was able to preserve his body most of his twenties and thirties because he was mostly just a wrestler and he didn't take a lot of beating when he was young. So I don't think that age is a factor here and a guy comes into every fight fit as fuck borderline. I mean, I'm not saying that he's roided, but he looks like perfect definition of Cardo Arona. Yeah, he has the Ricardo Arona back in the lads that just like are like

mountaintops. If I had lads like that, man, it would not look good on me though, because I have a big head. Yeah. But I am a true believer in Robert Whitaker. I am pulling for Robert Whitaker. I love everything about him and I want him to win. But you just, it's, I don't think it's going to be as easy as he put out Jacare.

Just shocked the shit out of me. That was shocking. Yeah. And Jacare, I couldn't get him down. I love Jacare. Robert's like, ah, fuck no, I'm Australian. Boom. But I am a true believer in Whitaker.

I think that he is the future and I want him to win because I want him to keep climbing up and be, I want him to be the champion. Yeah. Because it's just interim, right? Yeah, it's interim and then the winner would fight, I guess, the winner of Michael Bisbee and George St. Pierre, which was a stupid fight. Yeah. And then we have another heavyweight fight, I have no idea about these fighters.

I believe it replaced the Seroni, the Travis Brown one. No, no. Daniel, Omelette, Jacar, and Curtis blade days. Oh, I have no idea. Yeah. So I'm pretty sure that replaced the Seroni, Robbie Lawler fight. After that is the Fabricio, Werdum, and Alistair Overeem rematch. I'm going to go with Alistair Overeem for this one.

I've loved Fabricio since way back in the day, since Pride, but I just think that Alistair Overeem is also on a roll. And fight smarter, almost too cautiously sometimes. But yeah, but he trades with Jackson Wink, right? Yeah. He's, I feel like less and less as of recently, but he still splits time. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm going to go with Alistair Overeem on this one. Yeah, I'll go with the Reem. I love the Reem, especially was on steroids is the best. With a horse meat, horse meat all day, horse meat quotations, a lightweight fight, Anthony Pettis and Jim Miller. Anthony Pettis. I'm pulling for Anthony just because it's like, I need to eat it right now. Yeah.

I mean, what is he lost like three in a row that he won against when he went down to featherweight, went against Charles Olivera, went then fought for the interim title, lost the Max Holloway. So it's like, he hasn't had easy fights in front of him and do Bronx is a very, very difficult guy to have in front of you. But I really like the Pettis brothers. And I think that he needs this win really bad. So I'm going to root for him.

Let's go Pettis. And then I guess the other fight that matters in the prelim card is Travis Brown vs. Olesi Olienk. Olienk. Olienk. I don't think I've ever seen this guy fight. I don't know. I actually don't really have an opinion about that.

I should. I'm going to say, I just want Travis to lose. I've never liked the guy. Really? I don't know. Congratulations on proposing to Ron O'Rousey. Oh yeah. Congrats guys.

Yeah. Congrats on that. Gilbert hates you, but you know, he's happy for your new life situation. Yeah. I mean, he's lost three in a row. Kane Velasquez for a Brucio and then Derek Lewis. Oh, that's right. I take it back.

Okay. I want you to win. That's three in a row. Yeah. You need the money too for your wedding. But so does Olienk. Let's see Olienk. Has he lost yet?

Yeah. Okay. He had. Okay. Well, he's doing pretty well. Yeah. He's three and one in the UFC. That's fine.

Travis Brown, let's go, baby. Let's go. Hoppa. Back on your bandwagon. Love your tattoos. What's his fight name? Hoppa? Hoppa.

Yeah. Which means happy. Yeah. He's from Hawaii, right? Yeah. And really quick, anything on the Pacquiao fight? Your thoughts on that? I mean, basically what everybody feels about it, which is just, that was the most bogus

ass decision ever. Do you think it was because it was in Australia? Or that the judges are just blind and they wanted to stir up or drum up some controversy, maybe, because I don't think that the fight had a lot of steam going into the night. I don't think that a lot of people wanted to pay for that pay-per-view. I didn't. It was free, right? I streamed.

Yeah, I'm sorry. Yeah, that's right. That's right. It was free. That's what I'm saying. It's usually not free. Yeah. Like Pacquiao fights are supposed to be pay-per-view fights.

Yeah. But it kind of shows you where he is in his career now, like where he probably shouldn't be fighting. Look, I'm able to compartmentalize and separate the fighter from the man. If you're watching a sport, they're not supposed to be. I mean, when you watch football or basketball, you should watch them just as athletes and nothing more. You shouldn't hold them to, you know, some type of moral standard.

I do think, however, that I've had a little bit of trouble with Pacquiao because it hits close to home. He's a senator back home. So I don't find myself to be so enthralled by the idea of him, but he is still very fun to watch. He is fast. Very fast though. Yeah.

So I just thought that was a really shitty moment for boxing and I think everyone feels the same way. I don't think there's anyone out there. I haven't met anyone who was like, no, Jeff Horn won that. No, his face says he didn't win it. Yeah. His face said, hey, guys, I lost. And even the ref was like, hey, I'm here to protect you.

If you don't do anything in the next round, I have to stop it. By the way, apparently you're up 20 rounds to Pacquiao. Yeah. Unbelievable. Um, someone did. I was watching who said it. Someone said, uh, or anything Mayweather even said, like potentially if he's like, I'm going to clean McGregor out and then I'm going to fight Pacquiao again for a second

time. It's like, hey man, no one wants to watch that. I don't ever. I don't know. Both of you old guys stop. Yeah, I think we started this podcast right around the time when McGregor and Pacquiao first, I mean fought, right? Yeah.

It's kind of like when we Mayweather, right? Yeah. I'm sorry. What did I say? McGregor. I keep interchanging those. That was a crazy night though, too. I keep flipping those around when I'm talking about because it's M. M. M.

Yeah. Yeah. Mayweather Pacquiao is, I don't think, I don't know if we started the podcast yet, but I remember meeting Bobby for the first time. That's when he thought I was like that gay guy because I wore super tight 31 waist 31 length H&M khakis. Were you muffin topping in those 31s because I know your waistline is not a 31. It's not 33.

That's still not bad. It's not bad. Yeah. You're still a slender guy. How much of it is popping out though? It's popping out. So you're like a true 36. I'm like a 39.

Don't even make 39s. Look at Bobby, right? Guess what size he wears with his big ass belly. I guarantee I know what it is because he has no butt. So he's definitely a 32. No, he has a cute butt. It's just, it's, he's too top heavy in front have. He's 31.

I knew it. Because he wears it under his belly. See, I wear it. Like a pregnant woman. I wear it over the belly to press it down. Also, I'm wearing spanks right now as we talk. Oh my God. What else do we have guys?

That's it for the fight. Our Hunter though is coming up. Oh, that's right. Our Hunter in the episode. We have things planned, right? We look at each other. We've got. Yeah.

We've got things planned. We've been planning for seven months. So you're going to be shocked about what you're seeing here. It's going to be the most spectacular episode. Oh, and I want to quickly address, I know Bobby already addressed the whole Ari situation. Yeah, do it one more time. I found it particularly cute and kind of endearing that everyone came up with their own analysis and theories.

It's like Game of Thrones. We're at Game of Thrones show. And it was very kind of moving. I was like, wow, like people really went like a little berserk over it. But there really is nothing to it than just a timing thing. The episode is going to be 33 minutes when we release it, you know, once we get everything out of it. That's false.

I mean, and if this is actually, that is one episode that is the least edited. Yeah. And it's so funny that how they keep talking about they're going to edit it in the podcast. We actually don't edit it. Yeah. We don't edit anything. You will see it in all of its glory. It just, it will, it won't be released for another two weeks.

Yeah. Two weeks, right? It's on my calendar. I've got it. Yeah. Two weeks. So stand by if you haven't watched it. I know that some of you, I mean, I've heard it.

I know that some of you have already heard it, but it's a great episode. And visually, it's going to be a great episode. Yeah. So visually. If you listen to it first, you have to also watch it on YouTube because it is a very, very visual episode. I mean, George gets dirty with the camera, with the steady cam. Yeah.

He gets dirty with it. I'm a professional. I'm a professional. So that will be in two weeks. We will release it the same week. We're just going to do a re-release. So it'll still be episode 97, and you'll also, that same week, still get a normal episode. Right.

Right. And then we're going to release the audio and the video at the same time, guys. So make sure if you're just an audio listener, make sure you also go into YouTube slash Tiger Valley and watch that episode because it's ridiculous. Anything else, George? Nah. If you're just an audio listener, check out the vlogs, man. They're the best vlogs on the internet.

So... That's what literally wired magazines are. According to Kassim G. Oh, and Kassim G. That is a very, very good one. If you guys haven't already left us a review on iTunes, kindly do so. We appreciate them. Appreciate ya.

George reads all of them. I do not. I try not to because I like to not cry every day. Yeah, you meanies. Yeah. So... Absolutely. Thank you guys for tuning in this week.

You can follow me on all forms of social media at Calamity K. That's K-H-A-L-A-M-I-T-Y-K. And you can follow George at all social media at... Just Instagram. George at the Tiger Valley. Yeah. If you guys... You can follow Tiger Belly on Twitter at theTigerBelly on Instagram at TigerBelly.

Oh, yeah. I added the wrong Tiger Belly. Oh, George. Two weeks ago. Oh, Larry. Okay. He's still talking. George tweeted something.

Tweeted the wrong Tiger Belly. I'm not a big tweeter, okay? And a fan corrected him. He's like, you mean at the Tiger Belly? That was hilarious. Yeah. Okay. Thank you, producer.

If you guys want to send unhelpful advice questions, you can send that to theTigerBelly at gmail.com. And I think that's all we have for this week. We will see you next week. Yeah. And follow us on Instagram at Tiger Belly and email us any packages you want to send to. Oh, that's right.

1626 North Wilcox Avenue, Hollywood, California, 9-0-0. Oh, no. I forgot the suite. Two weeks. Numbers 161. I forgot the suite. Oh, stop. Geez.

I'm stupid. I'm stupid. What is it? Finish, George. 1626 North Wilcox, number 161, and the zip code is 90028. Cool. Bye. St. Colaula sweaters.

It's cold. Oh, I like... I like the... These ones. I'll show you, I'll show you. If you guys want to send me sweaters, this is the type I like. And then I'll describe it as you're showing. So they're like an oversized type of sweater, usually the shoulder's exposed so it's a big

neck. Did you rip that yourself? No. That's huge. No. I just like really, really, really big sweaters that I can swim, that I'm swimming in. Oh, I see. Okay, we'll just extend her those.

All right, bye. Bye. Hey, Prime members. You can listen to Tiger Barely Ad-Free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen Ad-Free with Wondri Plus in Apple Podcast. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondri.com.