TigerBelly - Fahim Anwar & The James Cameron Beef
Episode Date: June 3, 2026Comedian Fahim Anwar returns. We chat about Tonight Show dreams, comedy enemies, stand-up horror stories, Ramsey Badawi’s biggest credit, roast culture, weird jobs before comedy, Montreal a...uditions, and James Cameron beefs.Don’t let your mind get in the way of a good time. Discover your options at BlueChew.com. And we’ve got a special deal for our listeners: Right now, when you buy two months of BlueChew Gold, you get the third for FREE with promo code BELLY. Download the Klarna app today or visit Klarna.com to learn moreSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Transcript
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Oh, Dune, okay.
Yeah.
Dune.
Specifically Dune.
It's not anything racial.
It's Dune 3 soundtrack.
It's clearable Quran.
No, Dune.
It's royalty free.
Routy free.
You know, I have to think, goes, this is an audio jungle, single, called a prayer.
It's not bad, I got to say, you know.
That's a pretty good.
That kind of sounds.
Vibrato?
Like Kenny G.
Circular breathing here.
You just last forever.
The long time.
What about this intro for us?
Another wrong opening?
Maybe.
Yeah, maybe wrong opening.
I apologize for that.
But it's for good.
I love all people.
And I think we're connected.
I do.
Do I not?
Maybe.
Do I not?
You do.
Yeah.
You love some more than others.
Yeah.
That it's absolutely not true.
You almost said, yeah.
If you look up my face, before we introduce everybody in the room, I've been breaking out a lot.
So on the left side of my mountain, there's a mountain region of, I mean, of acne, the one down here, right?
Right.
And consider my nose the straight of Hermuz.
Okay.
It's Iran.
I see.
The mountainous regions.
And I think I did that for this podcast in solidarity.
I see.
I see.
Everybody.
One, two, three.
It's raining, man.
That's the opposite.
That's the other.
You can't.
No, no, no.
No, we don't allow that.
Haram.
This guy.
This guy is also tough.
We have Zach, who's new.
You know what I mean?
It was a last minuteer.
Thank you so much.
Thank you so much.
That's great.
We have an old schooler, Ramsey Badawi, big star now.
Oh, welcome.
He was on a gigantic show that just came out called Comics Unleashed.
And I just...
Oh, my God.
My congratulations.
You've made it in show business.
And let's do a salute to you.
Dude, that's legacy media, dude.
Well, it's a right of passage.
It's a right of passage, dude.
Thank you.
I needed the $500.
Yeah, it's not about the money, though.
It really isn't.
It's about...
It was strictly about...
Optics.
It's about...
being on the center stage with legends.
Oh, perfect.
Like Chris Millhouse.
Come on, dude.
Who's in your class?
I don't know.
Yeah, yeah, who's the, yeah, yeah.
Question, Zach.
Paint the couch in the next day.
Yeah, catch, give me the,
paint the chairs.
You're, the cast.
I literally do not know.
No, no, no, you texted me the other day.
I swear to God, I sent you the thing.
You didn't memorize the three guys
that you were on a show with.
You'll never believe this.
He goes, guess where I am.
You sent you a picture of.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't know one of the people.
You didn't know their names.
You can't even remember.
Wow, that's uninteresting.
Yeah.
Because sometimes you get the big ones in there.
Yes, I did not get any of the big ones.
They were very nice people.
I just didn't know.
Maybe you were the big one.
It could have been.
Yeah.
Is it aired?
It's airing to May 28th.
I can do a viewing party?
Yeah.
Yeah.
We should run out to Hollywood.
There is.
Merritt Cooper, Mike Fanola, Chase Anthony.
Oh, there.
And Ramsey Badawi, new.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Ramsey Badawi.
835 on CBS.
Did Byron lead you in really well?
Yeah.
It's like, Ramsey, you have a dog.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
He actually went, what makes you mad?
That was it. That was one of the lead ins.
What makes you mad?
And that dovetail perfectly into your mad thing.
It's all my, what I'm mad about.
Do you think anybody at home is like, feels like it's super organic?
Like, we know how it works between the scenes.
God, Byron really must know this person.
Yeah. Or they just all have, like, amazing jokes about these topics.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. So how is the prep prep? Do you, you get there early? And then they, somebody, you have a handler.
Yeah, and they go, okay, just let me know how do we set up your joke? What jokes?
I sent them all my jokes. They asked me to send a transcript of my material.
Oh, not audio, just on a page.
How does that feel? Like when you have to break down your act and actually type it?
Do you feel like a fraud? Like, then I tell her.
You're like a court stenographer.
And you're like, what the fuck is?
When you see your jokes in written form, you're like, what the fuck am I doing?
And sometimes the punch sign is a physical thing, right?
So did you have to put in parentheses?
This is where I raise my hand up, right?
And I do a little dance.
Does the war.
Yeah, yeah, in brackets.
Ramsey gets up and does the warm.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
How do you do yours set then?
That's why I've never done it.
Well, I've never been asked.
I think that's the most important thing.
I can hook you up with the connect if you want to do it.
Bob got to come.
So I already, so this is what really happened.
And then we're going to get to you and your...
No, I don't know.
No, I'm here for that.
And all the things that you've been doing in the business.
And I'm very excited for you.
But Monday night, I was in a fever dream.
You were?
And I just couldn't stop watching on comics on life.
Oh.
Why'd you laugh at that, Zach?
Well, it's just that's a weird fever dream.
I'm getting texts from Bobby at like 1.15 a.m. being like, what is this?
This, what is going?
And then two, he's going through.
It kept going.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, my fever dream.
And number one, I think, and I'm being quite honest here.
Thank you.
Great show.
Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, good.
I believe it.
Great show.
Not great in the way you would think it's great.
It's great in a, why are you smiling?
I'm keeping the same face as everyone else.
We're all nervous.
No, no, no, no, no.
Your eyes, your eyes are doing something diabolical.
I don't like it.
They're Filipino eyes.
They are Filipino eyes.
Red and puffy and scared.
Okay.
Filipino eyes.
Okay.
Red, puffy, and scared.
So, I saw a great movie today, obsession.
Oh, I keep hearing about it.
Oh, my God.
26-year-old YouTubers?
Yeah.
It's amazing.
Talk to the town.
I mean, it's going to make $100 million, and it costs less than a million to make.
Yeah.
Anyway.
I was obsessed with Comics Unleashed.
And the reason why is,
is everyone on the show are great comments.
I'm friends with them, right?
There's just something about this format
that doesn't really, you know what I mean?
You can't really get your muscle out there,
your point of view and who you are
in a 30-second joke.
Yeah, yeah, it's almost a relic of yesterday year.
Like, it made sense at a certain period of time.
Almost like late night.
After COVID, late night kind of felt false.
Like, why are we pretending to do this thing?
and then now with Colbert going to that YouTube channel
and it's like so much more fresh
than doing this pretend thing of like
the Colgate hour. It felt like that.
Yeah, it felt like state sponsored television.
Yeah.
Or this is what we used to do.
This is how we used to consume entertainment.
But back in the day, it made sense
just like joke, joke, joke, joke.
Yeah, so my point of view about it
is that I think it's great for young comics.
Uh-huh. Is there any butts?
No.
You think it's great for everybody?
Yeah, I think that you really have to focus
on the dance when you're coming out.
And that's pretty much what I've been watching.
Wait, is there a dance?
No, my dance.
It's a, they call your name, and there's a split
where you have to get to the stage,
and you have to go through this mini hallway
where you're exposed to the audience.
And they all have their funny way of doing this.
Yeah.
Wait, is this like the Jennifer Hudson?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.
Yeah, yeah.
People, come on!
You know what I mean?
How long does the dance last?
It's probably very short.
short. Probably like you're talking about three seconds.
What if they pivot and it's 90% of the show?
They just turn to the whole train?
Yeah, yeah. They go, we're looking at the stats.
The retention is great for the dance out.
The jokes they don't love so much.
Yeah, so now you were getting
to what I pitched literally
Tuesday to the people.
Oh, you spoke to the people at Comics Unleashed
without me?
Yeah, without you. As an intermediary?
Well, here's the funny thing is that
I happen to have a
better link than you have there.
Is that so?
Even though I'm an alumni.
I have your photo on the wall.
That is true.
You're on the wall, but the executive producer of the show used to open for me.
Whoa.
For years.
Plot twist.
Okay.
And we share the same manager.
Okay.
Okay, fine.
You've got a better connection.
All right.
So I feel like I'm a better connection.
What do you think, Zach?
That's a strong connection.
That's a very strong.
As strong as you probably could get.
Unless Byron, I had a direct contact to Byron.
Or you were Byron Allen.
I was Weather Channel Bowler.
Do you have a relationship with Byron Allen at all?
I have a feeling and I'm usually right about it that he doesn't like me.
Really?
Because I did funny as you ask my questions, whatever that show is.
What is it called?
Funny you should ask.
Funny you should ask.
Okay.
I did two episodes of that and I called and I go, because I know,
you know, people do it regularly, and they're like, yeah, we'll contact you later.
Whoa.
I think it wasn't my vibe.
Yeah.
What is, what do they do on funny you should ask?
Yeah.
So back then it was Louis Anderson, John Lovitz, Caroline Ray, these kind of people.
And they're all friends of mine, so I'm like, it's kind of old school, you know, what was that,
Hollywood, Schwersey, you know what I mean?
And I'm like, I'll do this.
It wasn't like, who are you?
Mm-hmm.
You're next to me.
It was like everyone on the thing was like a guy that
Wayne Federman, like, just people I know.
Yeah.
And I see around.
Like, yeah, that.
It's like this stuff.
Yeah, I love John.
I love, yeah.
Louis, look at you, Louis.
Dude, I would crush it apart.
Tim Meadows.
Timmeadow.
Timmythew, yeah.
I was fun.
There I am.
He's in the dance.
Yeah.
So, I mean, honestly, let's pause, please.
Does that sound like?
That looks fun.
You would do it.
Because you're around legend.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know, I never did comics at least because I didn't never, number one, didn't want to burn my material.
You know what I mean?
And number two, it just isn't my thing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So I called my manager and I said, we're going to get to your special.
I sort of.
No, no, no, no.
No, no, all right.
He was pissed.
I want to hear that.
Yeah, yeah.
I called my manager and I go, I have a pitch.
And I was dead.
And Andrew wants to do it too, Santino.
I haven't called the other two guys.
But we book.
Comics Unleashed.
Okay.
But we make a demand.
It's got to be me, Santino, Tim Dillon, and Burke Kreiser.
I mean, that's a great episode.
You take it over for an episode?
We take it over for an episode.
That's amazing.
They would love that.
That would be awesome.
It's not.
I'm not done with my explanation.
Yeah, it's all dancing.
So, you know, that's, I think you're getting that.
Oh, my God.
So you said that there is a handler that you have that, or you write out your jokes.
You write out the joke.
We would do that too.
Of course.
You know what I mean?
you're going to ask me about how my, how my, how's your new lawnmower?
Right?
I love that.
And you and I are going to come up with a joke about lawnmower.
Yeah.
Right.
And then Tim and everyone will do the same, right?
So when Byron brings up the lawnmower, I'm going to go, there's a genocide in Gaza.
They're quite literally mowing the lawn.
Something of that ilk.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Like something that has nothing to do what he asked.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Yeah. And then what's going to happen, everyone's going to be like that. I want Tim to do a three-minute rant of whatever he wants to rant about, about the Hollywood Hills and mudslides or whatever. Yeah, the fires or whatever and the fires or whatever. Yeah, the fires or whatever. Yeah, the fires or whatever. Right. And Andrew's going to say that I have a condition.
And you can't call the cop.
Don't stop the show.
Just let him sit.
He'll wake up eventually.
Performance, art, comics on leash.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's amazing.
It's amazing, yeah.
And then, you know what I mean?
No one will answer the questions that they do.
You know what I mean?
Maybe, you know, Byron will ask Bert a question,
and Bert just stares at him for as long as he can, like for 45 seconds.
Question, is Bert's shirt on or off at this?
Completely off.
Yeah.
Yeah, he comes off.
Yeah.
I would demand Andrew, us, and us to try to do the longest dances that we can do to get to the stage.
If it will make it a contest.
You know what I mean?
I think I'll make 15 minutes.
Yeah, I'm saying 15 minutes.
Yeah, I mean, they'll cut around it.
You're all just sweaty.
Yeah, they're going to cut around.
They're going to cut around it, right?
And then at one point, toward the end of the show, I get back up.
I go, what happened?
So it's a sort of a Koffman-esque kind of thing, you know what I mean?
You guys want to see my dad?
Dog?
I want to say.
Yeah.
And so, honey, you know, my housekeeper
is going to come out with
dancing.
In a dominatrix outfit.
She's agreed to this?
No, I'll make her do.
I'll pay her whatever she wants.
From neck to toe, right?
And she's going to bring out Julio.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know.
But Julio with a muscle.
I have a dog, Julio, that's the most
homicidal dog.
It will bite you.
It will do f.
Like a Tasman and devil, right?
Dick Buckley.
I will just go around.
You know what I mean?
He's going to go crazy.
And at one point out, Byron's going to be so scared.
Yeah.
Yeah, he'll be so scared, right?
Horrified.
This is like the first episode where comics will really be unleashed.
I want to unleash them.
Yeah.
So I think that, and then my manager said, no.
Of course she said.
Yeah.
It doesn't have to be exactly what I said.
I'm just saying we could get me, four could get together and figure out something fun.
to do for that show. I think it's worth floating it
by them. I'm sure they'd be down.
Because I think that it'll do
way better numbers than they think. Of course.
They'd go crazy on YouTube. Yeah, yeah.
We'll be insane. Yeah, but I would
be insane. Yeah, I would tell Byron, I go,
I would go, you can't edit it. I mean,
we edit it for this one show.
FDA, we will not cross those lines.
You know what I mean? Well, that's crazy. That's food and drug
administration. That's how crazy you guys are getting
where the FDA is getting involved.
The FCC, sure.
But the FDA?
You're like, we're going to poison the beef supply?
No, no confuse.
I was like, red dye 80?
FCC.
We're going to put Ebola.
What, from Comments Unleash?
They package frozen vegetables.
I bet FCC.
I bet FCC.
The FTA.
FTA.
Yeah, yeah, NRA.
They're all going to be involved.
Triple A.
All the agencies get involved.
Yeah, yeah.
There's helicopters flying.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But what do you think of that idea?
I love it.
Are you being sincere?
No, for real.
Yeah.
That would just be so cool
because it feels like,
I mean, not stale,
but something of the yesterday year
and it's a great opportunity
for young comics,
but to inject this new into it.
Yeah.
I think if they were cool,
they would let you guys take over
for one episode.
One episode.
And it would draw a lot of attention
to the show and it become kind of fun.
But they don't get to edit.
Yeah, you get fine.
Yeah, but the FCC will look at it.
and we won't cross any lines.
Would you edit in the canned laughter,
or would it just be like an awkward silence?
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Whoa, whoa, whoa, are you saying that I, that's presumptuous.
You're saying there's going to be no laughter in the studio?
It's just crazy.
I don't know.
Coming in hot first time.
I don't know if the rabid dog would be laughing.
We're going to put in our own audience.
Oh, it's your own audience.
Oh, no, no, yeah.
We're going to promote it where like, we're doing this.
Bring our audience in.
Yeah.
Or keep the televised, because they're paid.
Of course.
They're.
So all television audiences get $50 a piece to sit there all.
day long.
I would like it was just that.
Me too.
They have to see this and they're from like Omaha.
And they're like what's happening.
And they don't know.
They don't know what's about to develop.
Surprise.
They go, oh, we've seen this show on television.
Right.
Right.
Yeah, yeah.
We'll tell them that they're going to watch
like a Tim Allen sitcom or something.
Yeah.
And then this is like so left of that.
Yeah.
So audience responses I think will be,
oh.
Yeah.
They'll be very good.
And then lots of silence.
Yeah.
And I'm, and I'll be, feel free to mumble.
you'll say that
I mean before we'll have our own
warm up
is your warm up guy even fucking weird
he's not even doing the job
of getting them
it'll be Dex Flame
It'll be Dex Flame
Yeah yeah
Perfect
Yeah
You guys
Yeah
He goes where are you from
That's cool
Yeah
Yeah
Yeah
So we'll get all the information
out about like
Just laugh
You know
If you want
You don't have to
This is gonna be a weird one
And then we'll do it
And
they also
They promote it
So they go
next episode, you know what I mean?
Oh, yeah.
Andrew Santino, Bobby Lee,
Burke Reischer, Tim Dillon,
or we could even,
Theo, or whoever wants to do it.
You know I mean?
And we'll just see what happens.
I love that when they cut to the clips of,
like, next episode, it's just insanity.
Yeah.
Like, Brut has cuts on his body.
Like, you're vomiting.
Dog is a buffalo out of the ground.
This seems like a real pivot for the show.
How would Byron deal?
Is he...
He won't do it.
I'll tell you what, yeah.
I think he's a panic button.
He would hit it.
set would turn into Judge Judy or something.
Yeah, yeah.
Completely funny.
Yeah.
Or what if you recast Byron just for that one episode?
Oh, Byron Intersonator.
Oh, yeah.
Byron's sick.
Yeah, Byron's filling in for Byron.
He's playing the role of Byron Allen.
He's in Congo.
He got the E.
Yeah, he'll be fine.
You got the E.
The E baller.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, whatever.
There's an excuse.
Sure.
Any country.
It happened anywhere.
That was the first one that just came up.
I'm sorry, Argentina, hanta.
But anyway, wherever.
Yeah, Sudan.
So when bird watching and haunted in Venezuela,
he got a little tummy ache.
Yeah, we can do that.
You know, like Idris Elba?
Just get a huge black actor.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Or a small one.
Like a kind of, Kevin Hart, you know,
like a tiny black guy.
Yeah, yeah.
I don't think Kevin would do it, but maybe
Cat Williams would do it.
Oh, he might.
Yeah, yeah.
But anyway, what do you think of that pitch?
I'm for it.
Amazing.
So your manager won't even float it by them?
Can I say something?
I'm against it.
Wait, why?
Why?
You're making a mockery of a television show that I was on.
Wow.
That is fair.
It is an institution.
You're making a mockery of my biggest credit.
Dream bigger.
And I think that's the real message here on today's special.
Dream bigger.
Okay.
I mean, it's like I did the Tonight Show on Jay Leno in 2001 or whatever.
Did that change your life?
No.
Really?
Even then?
It did nothing.
Wow, that's crazy.
I thought you did it at an era where at least...
No, it did absolutely nothing for my career.
It doesn't matter, right?
Especially in the day and age of the internet, it doesn't matter.
It's all the same.
Same with me.
I did it like 2025.
It was fun to do.
But the Tonight Show?
Yeah, but it did nothing.
Yeah.
I call it like going to the Magic Castle for comedians.
You dress up, you pretend that you're a famous comedian from the 80s,
and then you have a steak afterwards.
Yeah, yeah.
You wake up and your life is no different.
No one calls.
You have cool pictures, but that's about it.
Yeah, yeah, no one calls.
Nobody called when you did the Tonight Show?
No one called.
What year did you do it?
2001.
I feel like, for some reason, I feel like it still did stuff then.
Does it make your parents proud at least?
You know?
It is.
No?
Zach, no.
I think my dad, yeah, yeah, yeah, my dad did.
Yeah, yeah, my dad says.
My dad goes, how much did you pay them?
That's what he asked.
Yeah, that's what he said.
I thought that I had paid them to do it.
I'm like, that's not how it works.
Because I want them to feel proud.
Yeah.
Right?
That like, hey, I got on TV.
But they thought that anyone could just go, here's a grand.
I'm going to just try to do some comedy.
Like Tom Cruise goes, thanks for having me on.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
But so they don't know how show business were.
Yeah.
I think later on when they saw me constantly on mad TV, they were like,
oh, this is a real.
You know?
That's what I said.
What was the last word they said?
This is a real.
A real.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I brought my parents in the Tonight Show.
Did they...
Were proud?
Well, I did it...
Because I did it just to get the monkey off my back, you know?
I thought, like, oh, I'd make them proud.
Huh?
Leave them home.
The monkey?
The monkeys?
Yeah.
Well, but I mean, they want to watch me do it, too.
The monkeys want to see me.
Is it...
What is it?
It's all of them.
It's like, chimp, orangutan.
Okay.
But I thought that would do the thing for my dad.
Like, okay, maybe he saw me tonight show.
But it was when I had a writing job and I had a parking space and I went to a building for eight hours.
That's what he was about.
He was like, oh, you have a parking spot.
I had a break room.
They just restock it.
He only understands nine to five businesses.
So like Hollywood shit did nothing to him.
But the fact that I go to a building, I sit in a desk for eight hours and I leave and I have lunch and they pay me, he can wrap his immigrant brain around that.
He's like, oh, wow, he's doing it.
Benefits.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But you have to, I mean, your parents had to have some sort of concept of what the tonight show is.
That's why I brought them.
I'm like, okay, I feel like they kind of know, they know what this is.
What this means if your son or daughter was asked to do this show, what did it mean to your parents?
That specific thing, not the writing job.
I think it meant something, even though my dad didn't verbalize like he did with the writing job.
I think the fact of flying to New York, you know, spending some time there's a family, going to 30 Rock, being backstage, saying hi to the roots, you know, my mom meeting Questlove.
That's insane.
Wow.
Yeah.
And then Jimmy coming by and being like, oh, nice to meet you.
And like John Oliver's back there too.
So Jimmy Fallon met your dad?
Yeah.
Oh, so.
Jimmy's so nice, man.
Yes, I know him.
I know him.
Oh, okay.
Well, no, not at all.
Not at all.
Yeah, he's actually nice, this isn't the front to you, Bobby.
I'm just saying, yeah, yeah.
I love everybody.
He's great.
I've done Conan's.
I've done.
I'm not going to fuck with him.
No, no, he's great.
That's the top.
But he was just so accommodating and so personal.
He's a great guy.
And even as a comic,
he really sets you up.
You're behind the curtains,
and he's like,
his family's in the crowd.
Let's give him a lot.
He really,
he almost does an audience warm-up.
So you're playing a hot crowd
when you come out.
Your dad must have been proud of you.
Yeah.
He, it's like an immigrant,
cold love.
It's actions.
It's not words.
He's not like,
wow, you crushed it.
I love the way you open
and the new dumbtail.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's not a comedy nerd.
Those two tags.
Oh, then you're closer.
That switch.
That switch.
Came out of nowhere.
Then you step on the gas.
I knew.
I did some mics in Kabul.
I kind of know if you think.
It's kind of a colder love.
There's no hug.
No.
I mean, my mom will make us hug sometimes.
She's like, man.
Well, because we don't need it.
But my mom thinks she's like,
yeah, she'll have to hug each other.
And we both.
It just feels weird.
If you didn't grow, like, we do it more now.
Yeah.
But like, we don't say I love you.
It's implied.
I'm very.
love me done with my mom. My mom is like
where I can be a human. I think I've met your mom. Yeah. Yeah, I love
your mom. Yeah. And I remember when you used to take me on the road and stuff,
you would almost do an intervention with my parents would be like, he's, he's very good at this.
You know what I mean? Like, because you knew they were worried about me and stuff. And you go,
because I relate to that. Like I think, um, Fihim has the same thing. Not Fahim.
Fahim, that's you. Amir K has the same thing. Amir's hilarious. Yeah, but I think he has
that thing with his dad. Do you, you, you're dead? Nope. No clue. They don't know what I do.
Oh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Zach, your dad?
My dad's dead, but I like to...
But how does he feel like him?
You know, he's with me always.
No, he was a white guy.
Oh, my mom's Moroccan.
Oh, she's Marocan.
Yeah, yeah, she doesn't quite understand.
She's just like...
That's a Blanca's a great movie.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's her movie.
Great connection.
Yeah, no, she...
Moroccan rugs.
Those are awesome.
Rock and Rudge, yeah.
Aladdin.
I like that a lot.
Yeah.
Yeah.
She doesn't quite get it.
She didn't get comedy now.
No, I mean, she doesn't...
The white part.
No, it doesn't really affect her.
Does she trust you?
Or she's like, I don't get it?
Or does she think, like, you're throwing your life's way?
Like, it's drugs or something?
She trusts me, but she always downplays me
because she hates parents that brag about their kids.
So people say, like, oh, I saw your son at the show in San Francisco.
And she'll be like, yeah, he's trying to do comedy.
Oh, so she's Morocco.
But then she'll tell me she believes in me.
I'm like, why don't you tell them you believe me?
Yeah, yeah.
That's weird.
Yeah, I mean, I don't know what that is.
I
but here's what
here's the
I think the
good analysis
or is we don't know
30, 40 years ago
from now
what AI is going to do
and what so my
son could be like
I'm a you know what I mean
I'm an I'm a space probe
I'm a space man probe
in space
you know I mean
and I'm on Venus
and I get to probe Venus
and we're like
okay and we're kind of like
Congratulations.
Yeah.
No, for real.
You have no frame of reference.
Yeah, we have no frame of reference of it.
Yeah, you go, can't you be a YouTuber like everybody else?
Be a DJ like your grandpa.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because we now live in a social, you know what I mean?
Yeah.
Society where, because AI has taken over,
that we have to pay probably 60% of our population,
give me a guaranteed wage.
Yeah.
Because their jobs are going to be gone.
Uh-huh.
So then, you know, we're going to have more artists,
more comics, we're going to have more, you know what I mean?
Space Pro dancing.
Open mics were bad now.
Get ready for AI, take away all the jobs and everyone else all is free time.
Yeah, but people have free time doing their own little projects.
I think it'll be, if that happens, what do you do in?
Am I too loud?
No, I'm just adjusting everyone's levels.
Okay.
Okay.
All the time.
Yeah, yeah, but that's the first time I've ever noticed that.
The one time he sees you doing your job.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
AI, replace him.
Yeah, but, yeah, so maybe our parents don't really,
get what we're doing.
Yes.
I know they don't.
So I understand it.
But when you're 17 and it's happening, you're like,
you don't get me.
Yeah.
Yeah.
This is my life.
Yeah.
I don't want to be a doctor.
You also don't know the living hell to get there.
You need that level of delusion.
Like, thank God, little kid me didn't know how long it would take all the steps and all
that.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah.
And there's a lot of pain and suffering up until that point that your parents.
are not aware of.
Yeah.
But I would always tell my parents,
I'd be like,
whatever the worst case scenario
in your mind for me is
that I'm like homeless, doing drugs,
just no, I don't want that for me either.
Yeah.
I will switch tracks.
I'm not gonna keep on doing comedy
until I'm eating fish heads
out of a dumpster.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And like, you know,
selling my butthole for money or whatever.
Like, I don't love comedy that much
to do it to that degree.
Yeah.
Like, if things get really bad, I'll pivot.
I'm still an engineer, you know?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, you could be an engineer.
Yeah, yeah.
You did both, right?
I did both until I could do comedy full-time.
So I'm like, I have a fallback.
Can you go back to that end?
I have too much gap in employment at this point.
They'd be like, why have you been gone for?
And you show him your late night clear?
I go, I show them this tonight show.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Will you let me work on planes again?
I think they would let you work on planes again.
What was the late night club?
No, okay.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, did you have a problem.
Yeah, you had some prominent jobs.
I did.
I worked in, I worked in government.
Yeah, I did.
I worked at the state assembly in California,
and I worked at political consulting firms.
Yeah, and he's also a rock star.
Oh, don't do this to me, but it happened.
Oh, I don't know this.
This Wildlife.
Yeah, he was in a band.
I was in a band called This Wild Life.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Fantastic Bay.
I'm a huge.
What if I had no idea the whole time?
I'm like, I just listened to their music, but I never looked at the people.
He's been bullying me about this for two weeks now.
That I had dreams.
Well, what did you play?
I played bass.
I played bass.
Did you really?
In orchestra, I was not very good.
Different vibe.
You played this thing?
Yeah, because in fourth grade.
Interesting enough, your orchestra has.
more famous than this is why.
Really?
Wow.
Check it out.
New record, I think.
They're big.
Yeah, they're big.
So, orchestra what?
I was in orchestra.
They would,
you play electric bass.
Oh, you play.
So that's how they get you in.
I'm like, oh, cool.
I'm like a rock star.
But then once you got to middle school,
they take it away
and you have to play the upright.
And I was tiny.
I didn't grow until,
so I'm just like a little kid
carrying this giant fucking upright bass
putting it on the bus.
Are you good at it?
No, I was like, whatever.
But the cool thing about the bass
is it's such a low register
that no one could
hear how bad you are. She's like,
bo-b-b-b-b-b- Right.
Oh, right. If you're violin,
everybody knows you. Everyone knows you.
Were your parents proud of orchestra?
Well, I want,
it was just something to do to put your
kid in it. And then once I wanted to quit, my dad was
so mad. He was like,
if you quit this, you'll quit it everything.
He wouldn't let me quit.
And finally, I was able to. I was like,
I want to do drama.
It's very Afghanistan.
Yeah, classic Afghanistan.
Classic Afghanistan. They don't quit.
They don't quit.
They never quit those guys.
To be honest, there's a strength about Middle Eastern people in all regions that we're not fully aware of.
You know, Koreans are tough because of the Japanese occupation.
You know, so I think it gets passed on generationally.
You know, I'm just this strength and like, you know what I mean?
You don't bully me.
You know, you don't, you know, I'm going to take this to the end.
Rage.
Not rage.
Strength.
Strength, outrage.
Well, it's doing a lot with a little, too.
I think even Afghanistan, it's always war-torn.
Like, the British went in there.
And then the Russians and then America,
they always think it's going to be easy.
But it's mountainous.
The people are very resilient,
so it's not a cakewalk, you know?
And then Iran as well,
they thought it was going to be quick, like,
it's over.
It's over.
It's not over.
No, wait, wait, wait, wait, Zach,
you think it's over?
Yeah, our country is really great.
We won.
No, no, no, no, no.
I'm with Zach.
I'm with Zach.
Yeah, no, wait, wait, wait,
Where are you getting your information?
I want to know because maybe it is over.
I don't know.
Yeah, Trump himself.
Oh, he said it on truth.
He's in the room.
What if government propaganda is getting into podcasts?
They just have like, throws with a button up.
Like, we're killing it.
Mission accomplished.
We did it.
Yeah.
I'll be honest with you.
This last weekend, I literally thought, oh, maybe this one is real.
This war?
Didn't you?
This one?
No, this particular, like, oh, you know, 95?
percent, right?
We just have a couple of things.
You know what I mean?
Everyone's involved.
And I was literally going, oh, this is it then.
You know what I mean?
And then they attack.
We attacked the Southern region or whatever.
Yeah.
So then I'm like, I was fooled again.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
I was fooled again.
But, yeah, I, you know, I'm not a political guy, but I don't do that.
You guys got to see Bobby connect with Uber drivers.
Okay, what does that mean?
Bobby gets into an Uber sometimes.
And when he finds out he's from a place, Bobby goes off, dude.
Bobby be connected.
I'm with you.
He's like, Bobby's sitting there going over all the battles and all the, all the fights and all the policies.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I go nuts.
Dude, the Uber drivers love Bobby.
They do love him.
I tip well and I also great conversation.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They're both talking with their hands and bring very.
And there are times where I hug them.
Oh, for sure.
Good luck, brother.
You do, you do.
Yep, my comrades.
That kind of thing.
Sometimes you'll cancel a ride with a white person.
to get a brown guy.
You go, sorry, Devon.
I'm waiting for Mahmoud.
Yeah.
So you were joking when you said that it's over.
No, yeah, it's not over.
Okay, it's that, yeah.
So your Moroccan mother, now she's probably more supportive or no?
You know, if I'm in the local paper, I think would be the greatest.
What's the local paper?
Yeah, you're in the paper?
Like the arc.
Like, if I get in her local paper.
Where's the arc?
It's in Marine.
County, Northern California.
You ever been in that yet?
No, I mean, I think...
There's a picture...
As a kid,
had a parade in the background, and she, like,
framed it.
You're not even, like...
I'm just sitting down watching, like,
Johnny Mosley talk about...
Just not...
You're not on a...
Based on your craft.
Yet.
No, I mean, well...
I guess I could just ask them to write about me,
and they probably would.
It's a really small town.
Wait, have you done comics on Leashed or not yet?
No, not yet.
Hop on it.
And they get in the arc.
Come on, that's huge for the town.
Wait, that's the man.
That's the man.
That's the move, actually.
Yeah.
Just do it for your mom.
Yeah, my brother got in for football in high school,
and that was, like, the greatest day of our family's life.
Legacy, like media like that.
It's a big deal.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, it's a big deal for them.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Would you do Comics Unleashed?
Look at me right in my face.
It's fine.
And you can say, yes or not, it's fine.
Byron's a listener of the podcast.
Is he?
Byron.
I'll remember what you answer when you ask me to hook you up with the fact.
I don't, you know, I don't think I'd be a good fit for.
for it. I think you would.
Why? I think it'd be great. Yeah. No, I don't. And I'm standing firm in that. Why? Because I don't want to do it.
That's a good answer. That's the real answer. He said it like he's been drafted to Vietnam the way he said it.
No, no. I don't want to do it. I'm gay.
He has bonespers.
Oh, yeah. Most of you. Okay. Okay. I'm Muslim. I can't do comics. Okay. Okay. So yeah.
Just then move to Canada then.
Yeah, I should have.
It's your only option, because they're going to make you do it.
Yeah.
I feel like they make you do it.
The Canada makes you do it.
No, I think America makes you do it.
Comics, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's like mandatory military service.
You have to do two years of constantly.
As a comic, I think they make you do it, yeah.
Yeah, I think that I think I'm in the same.
I'm 54.
Oh, you're out of it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I can make up something.
Yeah.
Kidney stones, you know, Paulups, everything, you know.
Yeah, yeah.
It was an honor to serve Paramount.
Yeah.
You have hemorrhoids.
You can't sit in the seat?
Yeah.
Yeah, would you do it?
I've been asked to do it.
I'm with you.
It's just not my speed.
I guess I'm on a podcast
a bunch of people
who have so much integrity.
It's not, no, no, no, no.
There's no, no, no, no, this goddamn business.
No, not at all.
It's not integrity.
It's just knowing yourself, like, how you operate.
Like, I know I'm not good in that environment.
Like, Kill Tony, even.
It's a huge opportunity.
Tony's asked me to do it in the past,
but I'm like, I'm not good on a panel like that.
I just know my comedy.
It's so funny that you say that because I say no to kill Tony.
He thinks it's an offense to him
No, I'm so flattered and it's such an amazing show
It's great opportunities
People are so good on it
But I just know that's not
I don't excel at that
So I'd rather not do it
Than do something so big and be bad at it
Yeah like when I do it
If you've never noticed
There are times I leave
Yeah you have to go to the bathroom
And I'll wait 30 minutes
Yes
And then come back
Every time I've seen you do it
I'll be looking so uncomfortable
Yeah because I don't
I'm not good at that kind of
Yeah
Of comedy
of like making
I'm not a roaster
Same like ball breaker
Yeah I'm not a ball breaker
Roaster
I do it with
I know how to roast
I'm probably one of the best at it
when it comes to personal things
Yes
You know I mean
If I know you
And I know that it's
You're not gonna take offense to it
And you know
Andrew knows
But there are things about
Andrew and I
Personally
That we know
That is a no go
Right
And so for me
To do it in front of a stranger
You know
I would have to do
research and know what really hurts
and that I don't think that's my thing.
So Kevin Hart asked you guys and paid you a lot of money to do
his Netflix. That's a different thing also as well because you have your jokes.
That's a roast.
I guess you could rise in the occasion to do a roast.
I still don't love it.
But Kill Tony is like literally, it's like jazz.
Somebody says something.
You barb and then it's almost like jump rope or you know when they're doing double-dutch.
Like how do you get into the timing of it?
They're reading a teleprompter on that last roast.
Do you notice?
They're literally, all their jokes are written out, you know what they're going to say.
And with Kill Tony, it's like, there's no, it's like podcasting.
But what's safe about podcasting is that we edit.
You know what I mean?
And there's some history and it's kind of small, it's controlled.
Yes.
Kill Tony's chaos.
There's somebody during a minute.
They got a weird thing.
Somebody says, wasn't in the crowd.
There's a panel here.
There's a chick with huge, it's coming out, giving you drinks.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's over-stimulating.
It's very, yeah.
Yeah, it's not my thing.
Some people are amazing and it's great to watch.
It's a great show and I'm not dogging it at all.
But he always took it personally.
Like I'd be in town and I won't even call him.
I'm in Austin.
Yeah.
Because me, hey, man, you're in town.
You have to do it.
And I'm like, I'm not doing it.
And he always convinces me to do it.
Remember?
Last time?
You called him to say you're not doing it.
Yeah, I called him to say, I will not do it.
And somehow I'm doing it.
It makes me laugh so much to see you on that.
show. It is so funny. Why? You just look
so, I know you now, and I know
when you're really uncomfortable, and you look so
uncomfortable every single kill Tony. Yeah, yeah.
I get laughed. Of course you do. Yeah, I get
laughs. But I could tell you don't want to
rib, you don't want to hurt anybody's feelings.
You're just trying to be you.
Yeah. Yeah. I mean,
if Netflix asked me to do a
roast, I'd be able to come up with great jokes and I would do it.
Here's the thing, is that
you get open to
people coming at you. Yes.
You start crying. You're like sitting on the couch.
And you're like, you're pretending like you're okay.
And I watch.
Yeah.
And I watch.
It cuts back to Bobby.
He's hanging.
Like, whoa, he's in a suit.
He's in a suit just hanging.
It just tombstone.
Only a tombstone.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think that's the part, you know, that I don't really like.
You know, my personal life.
Yeah.
You know, and, um, listen.
There was a lot of resentment in that rost.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, you can feel that.
There's a lot of hatred, resentment.
These people do not talk to each other.
They have just...
I mean, I have a couple of comics in my life that I don't like, you know, because of wrongdoing.
That was slighted.
Yeah.
And I can't imagine being on stage because I will go off.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
And that's what that is.
That's what that was.
It doesn't seem fun like it used to be.
No.
No, it used to be.
Now it's way too personal.
Yeah.
You know, it's like, in 1993, he filed for bankruptcy.
You're like, whoa, they're getting really specific here.
You lost your kids.
Yeah.
Like, what that?
Yeah.
Why'd your husband kill himself?
Yeah.
That was one of them.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That part is like, no, you're not allowed to talk about that.
Wait, question, Bobby.
Who would be the guy that you would like to see least on the panel?
You go, oh, no, if I see this guy, this would be a problem.
Well, this person called me a couple years ago.
goes, listen, I know
you don't like me. I don't really
like you, but please
stop talking about you on your
podcast because it's ruining
my life. Whoa.
And he goes, just, can we just make a deal?
And I go, okay.
And so we're not going to name the person. I can't.
Did you respect that, though? There's two people like that.
There's a couple of people like that.
Where they're like, yeah, I'm getting harassed at work.
You know, and I'm like, I'm just saying
that I don't like you. I think that
I'm even in the wrong in this.
I'm just saying that I don't like you on a massive podcast.
Every week.
And the guy's at work.
And it gets clipped up.
And there's clippers out there as well.
The clip is circulating on Facebook, TikTok.
And I don't see what the big deal is.
I'm boosting the post.
I'm just far more popular.
I'm putting $30 a day into these clips.
It's not a big deal.
You make your own podcast and then talk about me.
Do you have anybody?
Enemies or what do you mean?
People that you're like,
I'm going to walk the other.
way if I see them at the comedy store.
This is interesting because he can me is such
a guy that I feel like everybody loves.
That's why I don't trust him.
No, that's why I don't trust this guy
because he has like boundaries.
The healthy things I have.
He has boundaries.
No, no, no, no, no.
I'm with this.
I've never heard anything bad about him.
Zero.
Yeah, yeah, nothing.
Just a hard worker.
He's so funny.
There's not a dent on your car,
not even a scratch.
I watch.
look and they're just you're so like you won't reveal specific things about your life yeah you
don't mesh that and you know you really rarely talk about your ethnicity or no I do I do yeah yeah
yeah but it's not my whole act it's a new thing um yeah yeah I guess yeah yeah you and I've
you and I've had long conversations about yeah of like you know maybe if you're you're you talked
about you know yeah opening up opening up a little bit more and you won't do it and well that's
fine you're protecting your personal life no
Yeah, but...
I'm better about it now.
Like, yeah.
But you are very private.
You're so nice.
I don't, I can't think of anyone
that's ever said anything bad about you.
I have one enemy.
Whoa.
Whoa.
You don't have to say it out loud,
but you do have one.
I do, you know who it is.
Can you whisper it in my ear?
We'll cut it out, I promise.
It'll be blue.
Yeah, I got it.
I got a, wait, you don't got to say it.
I'll give you a clue.
Tell Bob.
Not a, not a comedian.
Oh, okay.
Well, why do I care?
Yeah.
We'll bleep it out.
How do I know?
I won't know them.
You'll know them.
Because you tried to settle it.
You tried to squash the beef.
It's got to be a famous person.
Who could, who could feed?
Is Dax Shepherd, dude.
It's got to be somebody of note.
Maybe it's a, maybe like a medical guy, a doctor or something?
I bet it's like industry.
It's got to be industry.
An industry.
Agent or something.
Yeah, that's all we're going to say.
Yeah.
I know this person.
Is it Byron Allen?
You tried to broke a piece at one point.
I tried to broker the piece.
Why?
You know you're in a tough spot when you're getting Bobby to broker the piece.
Or he's the voice of reason?
Or Bobby's the peaceful one.
I'm sorry.
I'm very highly offended by that.
I apologize, sir.
In fact, I am Pakistan.
You are very much Pakistan.
I've many of times have broken pieces and negotiated on people of behalf.
I believe that.
I find that what you just said, very highly offensive.
There's another thing that you did if you want to fucking play game.
I'd like to not play games.
Yeah, yeah.
Just keep it straight.
Let me ask you something, Zach and Fahim.
Okay.
Not Zach and Fee.
Yeah, that's right.
Zach and Feehan.
That's how hilarious this episode is.
Everybody kind of looks like.
I know.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Let me ask you Fihim and Fakh.
Go ahead.
Jimmy O-Yang.
Sorry, I know you're going to hurt me, so I wanted to, I wanted to lash out.
I apologize.
Go ahead.
Sorry, go ahead, Bobby.
I apologize.
I don't know if this is working anymore.
I really don't know if this is.
working anyway, right?
But remember for him, you used to open for me.
Yeah.
Right?
You were the first guy to take me out.
I owe you a lot.
I don't, you don't mean anything.
Well, I appreciate it.
Your success is the proof in the pudding.
But I just remember just having a really good time with you.
I've never thought anything bad about you.
Never said anything bad about anybody.
You made arch travel smooth as if you weren't even there,
and you're very grateful.
and at times you were unfollowable.
I remember specifically San Antonio LOL.
I remember turning to a local comic next to him
that was standing next to me and going,
I seriously don't know if I could follow this.
He's killing.
And so I want to say,
thank you for being a great opener.
Thank you for causing me peace in my life.
And I will be forever in gratitude.
The feeling is mutual, Bobby.
Thank you.
Why did you include me on this?
What do you mean?
You said, I want to tell you something for he, man, Zach.
Well, he just wants you to hear this.
I got it.
No, no, no, no, no.
That's not what this is.
This is set up to him.
Okay, okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Of what he did.
Okay.
Okay.
And he just called me Jimmy O. Yang.
He did.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm sorry.
I was lashing out.
I felt attack.
Go ahead.
I'm ready.
Okay.
You don't even know what I'm talking about right now.
I know it will hurt.
That's what I know.
I know it will hurt.
Yeah.
we were somewhere
someplace you know what I mean
and we were outside
and there was a group of fans
that came up to me
Bobby Lee
you know what I even by
and he made fun of my fan base
to their face
or when they left
no often like these
it's a da da da da da da da da da
you know what I'm not going to say
what he said
and he made fun of my fan base
and I looked right in him right
in his eyes and I said
if you ever do that again
you're fired
yeah wow
these are the people that
love me. Yeah, I'm sorry. My fans are weird. Yeah, the people you're playing to? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Some of them are missing eyes. Sometimes they're disheveled. You know what I mean? And they need a laugh in
their life. Their hairs are in the wrong places. You know what I mean? But my point is is this? They still are my fans and they relate to me and I love them.
Yeah. Okay. You would never disrespect me by doing that. I would just be so happy there were people there.
Exactly. I got to play at full house. And Zach, is he at fault of mine? That's why I wanted to ask you.
For...
Defend your fans?
Yeah, Ramsey, making fun of my fans
when he's my opener.
Would you ever do that?
Would I ever make fun of your fans?
Yeah, if I have you open for me.
If I open for you, no.
Let me just say this.
She's trying to divide and conquer us right now, guys.
I'm just letting you know.
I'm just thinking about you guys going the road after this.
Ramsey coming out and everyone going,
boo.
They have eyepatches.
They're like, boo.
One guy has a hook.
He's like,
They're wearing medical gowns.
Yeah.
Straight jacket.
Yeah, like a muzzle.
Yeah.
Bobby, I apologize.
Oh, this is going to hurt you from now on a little bit, I think.
Bobby, if I can say just...
Well, talk to the fans.
I would address the fans.
On his behalf, right?
I made fun of them, too.
What?
You can make fun of them too?
No, I'm not going to make fun of them, too.
I love them.
Me too.
Yeah, it was, they were...
They were the sillier...
The sillier...
You have a spectrum.
I have a spectrum of people.
Yes.
And these people were a specific type of spectrum.
Their car had like no registration on it.
Yeah, that kind of thing.
Broken window kind of thing.
Yeah.
But I love Bobby's fans.
And Bobby,
I do apologize about that.
That was crossing a line.
And I do mean that.
I'm sorry.
It's real.
Yeah.
And I already forgive you then.
Thank you.
Yeah.
I remember just,
I want to trade Bobby notes opening.
I'm trying to remember from when I opened
to see if it does same stuff with you.
Uh-huh.
I didn't know about your rule.
You would always pay when we went out, you know?
And that was very cool.
You're like, get whatever you want.
Oh, this is amazing.
You feel like in Willy Wonka's factory.
How many great meals?
So amazing meals.
Steaks, whatever.
There's no limit.
Appetizer, salads.
And I notice this about you too.
You order everything and then you take one bite of everything like Homer Simpson.
And then you just like, yeah, leave it.
You have whatever you want.
But I remember I learned that from David Spade.
Hmm.
I tried to box it and you go, no, no, no, no, no.
I go, what?
He goes, no, no, you can't, you can't box food.
I go, what?
He's like, anything, you can have anything here in this moment,
but you can't box it.
it and take it back. I didn't know about that rule until touring a bomb. I'm like, well, he's
paying for it. I guess it makes sense. A little odd. Like no one's ever done that. But I kind of get it
in principle. Then you're not trying to bilk Bobby and you only order what you can eat at the table.
Like he's not here to pay for this meal and your next one. Right. Right. It's time together.
Same with you guys. Like, you can't box it. I don't know if I've ever even had a desire to box
anything. But that's how big the meals are. We don't even order main sometimes because he gets so
many appetizers. So we just eat that. It's legendary.
It's amazing.
I don't know, Alex.
Oh, boy.
I heard you call him the monster.
We call him the monster because he comes going the road.
And we call him the monster at dinner.
And I go, his is usually the most expensive thing.
Yeah, yeah, lamb chunks.
You know what?
Lamb chunks.
That's off-menu.
He's like, I see the chops.
Where are the chunks?
A-5, no, like, A-5 snow beef, ox tail.
Something like that, right?
Where it's like $3,000.
Comes in like a gold.
suitcase.
So it's like he's that guy.
So it's like sometimes I look at Monster and I go, go ahead, Monster.
You haven't made an announcement lately.
You're like, everyone, I see the A5 wag you at the table.
Just don't order it.
Yeah.
No, he goes, you can order it.
But I might have feelings about it.
Which I love.
I like that rule.
I do too.
It's fair.
Well, when I was coming up, there was no A5.
There was no way to do.
It was A4.
Cows weren't doing that.
They weren't doing that. Yeah, yeah.
They learned the A5.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So the A5, the specific
We went to, right?
Cat was...
Is $100 every two ounces of meat.
Insane.
Whoa.
All right, so two ounces of meat
is the size of this jewel.
Yeah, $100.
Okay.
Now, if the monster, it was
Specifically for the monster.
Right?
Because I don't even know if you can read.
I mean, his favorite bet is limp biscuit.
So I don't know if he can read, right?
So in that specific restaurant, I was like, all right,
so no one ordered that.
It was for him, right?
And so for an order to get, to feed him
with two ounces of Japanese A5, Wagyu,
you know what I mean?
Would it cost me thousands of dollars.
Yeah.
Right?
Which is I'm fine to do, but it's like, there's also a porterhouse that you can get.
I just imagine you calling your accountant and be like, Monster wants a 3rd?
Can I do it?
Okay, I'll tell him to go 14.
Can't do 33.
Yeah, I appreciate the dinners, though.
They're good.
Yeah, I know.
And you're welcome.
You know?
You're very much welcome.
You're family to me.
And so, but that's why I say it.
Out loud, I go, just that don't know an order, because I'm getting every appetizer, and you can get any meal you want except for that.
And it's only for the monster.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I, so I didn't even know how I got into bringing that up, because you said something.
I hurt you when I called you Jimmy O. Yang.
No, it was before that that started.
What was the thing before that?
Oh, yeah, how you don't let people take food to live.
Oh, yeah, being generous on the food.
Like you have to eat it there.
Right.
And then do you have any beefs?
With people, comedians?
Yeah.
I certainly have beefs, but I don't know if anybody is, like, significant enough to matter at this point.
You know?
Like, I don't have any beef with anybody like.
You know what's funny is I did an episode here with Trevor Wallace.
I didn't have a beef with Trevor Wallace, but I was definitely rude to him in the early days of my comedy.
And I remember sitting next to him and being like, I wonder if he knows or if he remembers.
You should have brought it up.
Why, where do you think that comes from?
Why?
Open mic scarcity, you know, like feeling like you got to kind of edge out everybody above, you know what I mean?
And now, you know.
Like someone's success means less for me.
Yes, in the early days.
I think the way Hollywood used to be, that was somewhat true.
But now it's just an ocean of clips and.
Yes.
It's anyone's game.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Anyone's game.
But I just put stuff out there and then hope society gravitates towards it, but that's it.
but that's it.
There's no gatekeeper.
It's like, you're the guy.
We're in a juncture in show business and in the world where there's so many unknown factors
that it's even difficult to plan what you're going to do in three years.
Yeah.
You know, like, I mean, I literally, that special I did was like, oh, this is the last time I might do this.
Yeah.
I mean, something else might come around.
I don't know what it might be, but we are definitely, I think like plumbers, stand-up comedians,
I have a longer, you know what I mean, maybe a lifespan.
Well, you have a skilled trade that is dependent upon you.
You don't really need, there's not a lot of moving parts with stand-up.
It's guy talking, your fans show up.
Do you put butts in seats?
It's pretty lean business.
But to act, you need the producer to sign off, the casting director, so many things.
Yeah, but if an AI robot could tell really good jokes.
They're getting close.
Yeah, and perform live.
Everybody's like, anybody from out of town that he falls?
And then they put a blanket over him and they drag him off.
Did you see the clip of the Michael Jackson robot?
My God, I haven't laughed at anything.
No.
It's such a long time.
That thing scared me.
Well, it was so good.
It was great.
And then it's so funny that it could do all these complex movements, but stares,
like one step takes it out.
Yeah.
And I love how it stumbled, but then it recovers, like it didn't happen.
You know, like when a figure skater falls?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, no, no, go back further.
Yeah, okay.
Oh, yeah.
Killing it.
To me, this genuinely feels.
Okay, that?
Okay, that didn't happen.
That didn't have.
Back to the performance.
Nobody saw that.
Nobody saw that.
You're killing it, robot.
You're killing it.
Hit the moon one.
Ugh.
Oh, wow.
All right.
Let's try the steps again.
Here we go.
And then he's done.
I've literally seen.
I've seen Eric Griffin do that.
I really have.
I really have.
Yeah.
This is like vaudevillian.
It's hilarious.
This is the T-shirt comes in.
It's so sad.
It sincerely feels like the beginning of a sci-fi movie where that guy is like,
they humiliated me.
They made me dance for them.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know.
He feels shame for the first time in his life.
Yes, yes.
And then he's going to make us dance.
But he's going to get better.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's going to learn from this.
He's like, yeah.
He's going to mean, oh, no.
Like Long Beach.
Okay.
We're bringing Long Beach.
So I know I know we bring up.
Too much bringing up Longwood?
We'll give me the cliff notes.
I'll give me the cliff, right?
Me and Andrew are playing Long Beach.
Yeah.
Right.
And Andrew still talks about this.
This is really unfortunate.
You know what I mean?
This is very...
Like, why do you do that?
You know what I'm so nervous.
I don't know what happened.
I'm going to tell you.
Okay.
But your eyes, you know what I mean, are fixated on me.
My mom is a servant, man.
Okay, man.
Okay.
That is the Middle Eastern, I think, conundrum.
Conundrum.
There's a sadness.
Okay, so...
Can I say this, by the way, Bobby, really quickly?
The reason why he doesn't know this story,
and Zach's a good friend of mine,
is I've never told it to him,
because it was, it's such a deep shame.
Well, if you don't want me to bring it up if it's too shameful.
No, bring it up.
It was pure shame.
Yeah, bring it up.
Okay.
So I gave you and, um, Angie.
Angie Stroud, an opportunity to open up for us in this big theater in Long Beach.
Hometown.
How many seats was it?
2,500?
Yeah.
Big, big, big place, you know.
And I go, you're opening.
That was a great honor.
Yeah.
And you know how you can tell when somebody takes the mic out of the stage?
stand that it might not go well.
Just immediately from that.
It's more of a...
Fidgety.
Yeah, yeah, you know, you've seen that?
And then can you hear it too?
Yeah, you can hear it.
Oh, no.
Yeah, yeah.
You know what I mean?
Hey, you know what I mean?
Okay.
Like, even the A was bad?
Yeah, yeah.
Hey, yeah.
I remember...
It's like vocalized.
There's 2,500 people.
Hey.
Yeah.
So, Andrew is watching Ramsey like this.
Oh, boy.
That's a scary thing to hear.
And I'm pacing.
Because I'm the one that I got you on it.
Yeah.
And I thought you were doing pretty good.
I did fine.
Yeah, yeah.
I did really good.
But the ending was shame.
Yes.
Yeah.
Tell us what happened at the end.
So what happened at the end was, first of all, can I say this?
It was my first time in a theater, 2,500 seat.
You know, I'd never performed.
By the way, Bobby, I didn't, I had never.
open for you at that point. So that was the first time you were watching me. Like, there was a lot of
nerves in me, right? And then on top of that, they also have the bad friend set in the background.
So I'm in front of the curtain. Like, I'm performing at the edge of this. It's a very foreign
sort of thing. It's almost like a plank. It feels like a plank. Yeah. So I'm up there.
Explain that. Like a pirate. Yeah, just like a small area. A lot of pirates. Yep. And I felt like
a, you know, the sword of Andrew Santino poking me in the back. Get out there, you know.
Andrew, note that. Well, you. Well, you.
You know, I just mean he's a scared.
Figuratively.
I was more scared of Andrew at the time than I was of Bobby, I think.
Because Bobby was more friendly to me, and Andrew was a guy who was completely, like, didn't, you know.
So, set's going fine.
I go to close, you know, do my last joke.
And right before I do the final punchline, the cable comes out of the microphone.
Did you step on it or what?
How did it come on down?
I don't even know exactly how it happened.
Is it a three-prong?
It's a three-prong.
Yeah.
Oh, so you got to find it.
You know the three-prong?
You got to find it.
Yeah, yeah.
This is every comic's nightmare.
Yeah.
Attachment, right?
Right?
And then to get it in, there's a three-prong thing where you have to line it up.
It's like interstellar.
Yeah.
It's interstellar.
It's a puzzle now.
You already have no audio.
It feels like an eternity.
Apollo 13.
Remember when Kevin Bacon's character had to perfectly, you know, get it in that little
thing, the latch on?
Did you do a reenactment and play the interstellar music while Ramsey's trying to.
Yeah.
And the connection took too long.
It was just a little bit, you could hear it.
Yeah, you could hear the connection.
You can hear him.
It not fitting the right way.
You know what I mean?
And in my mind was just, look at the dots.
You're yelling.
You're with my mind.
The dark.
Light it up.
Lock it up.
You're losing the ground.
Yeah, yeah.
So that happens.
And then what happens?
Well, I just...
Go into another joke?
No, I just finish.
I just do the punch line as opposed to like addressing it.
Ah, so he had a punch.
So he did a punchline.
So let's take an old joke.
All right.
So, you know, a grasshopper is a drink at a bar.
Yeah.
Right. Grasshopper walks in a bar.
Bartender says, hey, we have a drink named after you.
And the grapenter says, you have a drink named Steve?
Okay, that's the classic.
All right, so this is how this joke's how Ramsey did it.
Let me grab one of these.
This is, by that, just so everybody knows, one of the most traumatic experiences.
All right.
Hey, grasshopper walks through a bar.
Bar-tender says, hey, we have a drink named after you.
And the grasshopper says, you have a drink name.
Steve.
It's almost brilliant how you do.
It's like Andy Kaufman.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
That's so much time passed where they didn't even remember the setup.
They don't remember the setup.
They're wondering if I'm the janitor.
They don't even know.
They're like, is Steve the next comic?
Yeah, yeah.
Steve's the sound guy.
Yeah, yeah.
They're expecting Steve to come out to do that.
Yeah, so, um, I was broken.
Here's what you do, though, in that situation, right?
Is you go, fuck that.
I have to close on a laugh.
Yeah.
You're going to do a different joke.
Yeah, yeah.
May I just say one thing?
I respect survival.
Yes.
Over anything else.
May I say one thing?
Just one thing.
You can say whatever you want.
You're a human thing.
Right before I went out, Bobby.
goes, the time is 10 minutes,
do not go one second over.
He gives me a little bit of that conversation.
If you go one second over, we get in trouble.
We rent this theater, both.
It was a big conversation.
That's compounded fear.
Yeah.
Now the fear is compounded fear.
But what it teaches you is he doesn't have comics instinct.
Okay.
So of survival.
But it's almost like a suicide bomber of comedy
where he's willing to take,
he's willing to die to cut time for your guys' show.
I'm Middle Eastern.
He's a martyr to my core, Bobby,
when a dictator tells me to do something.
And in this situation, you are a fearless leader.
This is what I would have done.
I'll just tell you what I would have thought.
Okay.
All right.
First of all, it would have gone quicker.
Okay.
All right. I've practiced it.
I've gone to the comedy store during the day.
Right?
Like, this is a settlement.
I'm Asian.
Yeah, I mean, I've practiced.
Yeah, he's blind.
Yeah, yeah.
All right.
That's your corrupt.
Yeah.
I mean, I've also practiced lines that I have when that particular thing happened.
Okay?
You want to hear it?
Yeah.
One of my lines, right?
Yeah.
So if I, you know, I'll do it.
I'm going to, don't worry, guys, my people made this shit.
Yeah.
That always gets a laugh.
You know what I mean?
You have to have three or four of those in there, you know what I mean, in order to, you
know what I mean, survive those situations.
And I have jokes about anything that could go wrong in the room.
Give us them.
Yeah.
No, I don't want to.
Or you don't want to burn it?
I don't want to burn my, I want to, I don't,
now I can't even do that one.
That'd be so funny, we just like, yeah, yeah,
like X-Men training room throughout some scenarios.
Like, all right, lady, lady heckles,
a fat guy gets up.
Yeah.
A skinny guy.
Person with an eye patch.
Yeah.
So what I would have done is I would have looked,
because I was,
did you see him on the side of the stage?
I remember nothing about that night.
Okay.
Oh, yeah.
Because I was so, he was so,
also mortified after that.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, so when he says Steve at the end of his,
I don't know what the punchline was,
but he goes, Steve, and it doesn't get a laugh,
he puts the mic, and you can see his body just drop.
Yeah, right?
This hurts to hear him.
And he goes, an ex-comic, you know,
and he brings up Angie.
And then maybe like 20 minutes later,
I see him on a couch.
And let's say I'm like,
we're the corner of that garage is,
and I'm Aunt Ramsey.
This is what Ramsey's doing.
Yeah, I do remember.
I remember that.
I do remember feeling that way.
Yeah, I do remember feeling that way.
I remember being like,
ugh, that was tough.
And I felt so bad.
Yeah.
And I walked right up to him
with like just empathy
and I looked right in his eyes
and I go.
You went a second over.
You know, Zach, I had a punchline there.
You stole it, dude.
All right, plug the mic back.
No, no, no, no, no.
I literally had a punchline there
and you stole my joke.
That's fine.
But you know what?
Now you're shaking.
But I'd rather have someone use their comedy instincts than fail.
Thank you.
That's why I'm here.
Lessons.
The lesson right there.
It's a lesson, you know what I mean?
But that was a sad night.
But, you know, he's still opening for me.
And he's killing it.
I can put him in any position, in any scenario, and he hits the ball.
That's cool. You're getting theater bobbies because I was getting clubb-b- Those
Yeah, they're sold out weekends and stuff.
Yeah. Theater Bobby's next level.
Yeah, that's different.
Yeah.
How do you even prepare for that? You just got to fail like you said.
You got to try and like fall in that room.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think I was just really nervous at that day because, again, it just felt like my hometown.
It felt like I can't believe I'm here.
And then it was like, Bobby's never even seen me before.
It was just a lot in my head.
Oh, yeah.
I'd never seen them before.
You'd never seen me before.
Yeah.
I feel like we all have those things as well and you learn from it.
You can dwell on it and let it eat you and,
side, but then you have to move on, you learn from it, and you move on.
I have a thousand of those.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I literally have a thousand of those.
Does anything come to your mind where you go, that day was one of these.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, I have failure.
My whole life is failure after failure after failure and still not quitting.
I like hearing that, you know, when I was a younger comic and you would talk about these
failures to you.
Yeah.
And then how well you're doing in my mind, I'm like, oh, you can still, you can have bad
moments and still have a career and persevere.
Yeah.
it's it's it's you just fail upwards
good yeah yeah you just
don't quit and every once in a while
something would happen that you don't expect
and you kind of go you get pulled up a little bit
you know what I mean but it's like I have so many
embarrassing failing moments where I was
literally like calling people go I think literally
I'm going to kill myself
that was so embarrassing yeah you know I mean so it's like
but I did
I just kind of survived, you know, but, you know, I had, if you want to hear a story.
Please.
Is that what you wanted?
Is that we're setting me up for?
I was just curious, if anything, what's the thing that makes you go?
What's your Long Beach?
Okay, so my Long Beach is this.
I'm auditioning for the Montreal Comedy Festival.
Huge.
I could never get one.
I could never get one.
Were you somewhat big at the time?
Did you have anything going or no, no.
This is before Matt TV.
And I had Abby, my manager, who also manages the executive producer.
of Comics Unleashed.
And funny you should ask.
And funny you should ask.
Okay, so anyway,
she goes, sweetie,
you're going to do chocolate Mondays or whatever it was.
Chocolate Sunday.
Chocolate Sunday.
Sorry. Why did you laugh?
I got the day wrong.
It's just funny to be chocolate Mondays.
One's a pun.
How is one upon?
Like an ice cream, chocolate Sunday.
Wait, you didn't know what it was called chocolate.
To be honest with you, neither did I, until you said that.
Yeah.
I didn't know it was one.
I didn't know.
My people love Sunday.
I think it's like a church thing.
I thought it was a church thing.
I really did.
I thought it was like a church Thursday.
Oh my God.
I never.
You're right.
Chocolate Sunday.
I'm embarrassed.
Bobby Mune.
Yeah, yeah.
I had no clue.
I did chocolate Sundays.
And back then it was like a hard room.
And I go, okay.
And she goes, I invited.
everybody.
That's crazy.
I go,
who do you mean everybody?
She's like, Montreal's coming,
Will Smith's production companies coming,
just all these fucking people are coming.
HBO, I mean,
the list goes on, and I was like,
oh, okay.
And I show up, I don't know
any of the comedians, because at that time,
I just played the store.
I didn't know, you know what I mean?
Later you find out who they are.
Sure.
You know what I mean?
Oh, Sadrock thinner, entertainer.
Yeah, I mean, like,
I mean, these types of acts.
And they put me in the middle of the show,
and they have crisscross.
Holy crap.
Like these two kids.
Of course, I know Chris Cross.
They wear their pants.
Backwards.
Jump.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Crows.
Right.
And they are before me.
Oh, my God.
No one would do well.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You got to follow Chris Cross in their prime?
Yeah, yeah.
That's stuff of nightmares.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And they're their, I didn't understand why their pants were backwards.
That was their thing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But I wanted to say them, hey, excuse me,
your pants are backwards.
You're about to perform.
Like, I didn't know though that was a hook.
Maybe you guys are nervous.
Yeah, maybe you're nervous.
Yeah.
You know, it was just a three-prong or two.
Wait, Bob, can I ask before you go further?
When you do black rooms,
because the audiences are different.
A lot of times the comedy's different
for those people who, you know,
are unfamiliar.
Did you typically do well in those types of settings?
Nope.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay. So already you're in a note.
Nope.
Okay.
Yeah.
Were you the only non-black act on the law?
Yep.
This is, Bobby.
This is tougher anybody.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And this is, you're talking to him also five years after the riot.
The riots.
Oh, boy.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
So they think I'm a rooftop.
They think I'm a rooftop Korean.
You're coming.
Is that the name of your special?
No, yeah, yeah.
But yeah, yeah, but they think I'm a rooftop Korean.
Yeah.
So I'm like, I'm not roughtop.
Here's another thing that I do that I've changed over the years.
but for some reason
when I played
Black Rooms
I would find myself
trying to talk different
Of course
You know what I mean
To you know
And it never
They just saw it right through
Yeah
Yeah
What's up dogs
Yeah
DJ cut that shit
Yeah yeah
You gotta just be yourself
Hell no
I'm Bobi L
yeah yeah
He's got a catchphrase
All the sudden
I'm little Robert
So then
Lil Bert
He's like cheeseburger
So Chris Crocs
go up
And they do
They don't do comedy
they do music.
There's a DJ on stage
and you know what I mean?
Jump, jump, jump, jump.
I don't know.
Were they going crazy?
And they were doing a dance routine
and the whole place was standing.
Oh no.
You know what I mean?
God damn.
Right?
Right.
Oh, it gets worse.
It gets way worse, right?
They do two songs
just killing it, right?
And then the host gets up on stage
and turns to the kids and go,
we have more comics going up
so you guys got to leave.
The audience is going,
No.
Oh.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Keep the kids up there, right?
And then the kids are like, yeah, we're going to do another one.
And the guys, because, you know, there's so many comics on.
No, we got to move on, right?
And then he brings me up while they're still on stage.
Oh, my God.
So they're doing this.
Yeah.
And then you're coming on.
Those two kids are on stage.
You don't understand how huge.
Yes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. These kids were the thing.
And they're younger than I thought.
Like, you're basically kicking kids.
Yeah, it's rooftop Korean.
Yeah, rooftop Korean is walking up to kids going, you gotta get off stage.
Crushing their dream.
And then they stay on stage and I, for some reason, so nervous, I just go into my act.
Oh, you don't even think of my dress.
I don't acknowledge what's going on.
I don't acknowledge, you know what I mean?
you know and
my friend Jonathan Gottsick
because you know from the improv
main stage you can see
people by that double
door yeah I see
got sick standing there and he's also the only white guy
there he's a bald head
and he's back then
you know we grew up together in comedy
and I remember at one point
two minutes in
he just kind of
when you start to see your allies turn from you
yeah the back of the room
he loved his body
They love you so much.
They can't watch.
Yeah.
And I remember I made it to like three or four minutes.
Oh, no.
The kids are still on stage.
What?
Why are they on stage?
They're doing a song after mine, I mean.
Oh, my God.
You're an intermission to their act.
That's mean.
Yeah, and I get off stage in tears.
That's how bad it was.
Fuck.
And I walk up to Jonathan and Jonathan goes,
you want to move back to San Diego?
Oh, what kind of friend is that?
Yeah.
No, because we moved here from San Diego.
Oh.
We started in San Diego.
And he was trying to be helpful, like, maybe we're not ready.
Yeah.
It affected him.
Yeah, it affected him.
Maybe we're not ready.
Yeah.
And I couldn't, I was crying hard.
It was so embarrassing.
Yours is nothing.
Yeah.
I swear. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I never did new faces, ever.
Even though I had opportunities to showcase years after that, never did it.
And I believe it's criss-cross.
We have to get Chris.
I believe it was Chris.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, I don't, they're kids.
Well, they should have gotten off stage.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no.
They didn't know the song and they crushed.
Oh, my God.
Because I can hear them outside when I'm walking into my car.
And at that point, there was no valet.
So I'm walking down Melrose.
Yeah.
You know what I'm going to Brea from Melrose.
Just that sad nighttime walk.
Of course.
You see all these fancy stores.
Yes.
And you're going, it's over.
Yeah.
It's all over.
Do you have anything?
No, you don't have anything like that.
Oh, brother.
Yes, brother.
I have failed harder than fucking...
That?
Well, no, but I have...
I have failed so bad that I thought I was going to, like, die at the club that night.
Yeah.
Like, I thought someone was going to kill me.
Yeah, yeah.
Because you're mad at you?
I hurt feelings.
Yeah.
Oh, you hurt feelings.
You ripped somebody apart.
No, I just, like, said a joke.
They're like, what the fuck is wrong with you?
And then I'm like, I don't...
Oh, you said a joke.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And, um...
Was it racial?
Kinda.
Yeah.
Can you?
As he tells the story, he's a monster.
Listen, we cut with the show.
So just say it, and if it's too uncomfortable, we'll cut it.
No, it's bad.
Yeah, yeah, we want to hear it.
No, I can.
Yeah, you can.
Zach, we'll cut it.
We'll cut it.
We really do cut it.
All right, so I was new, and I was performing in a lot of white rooms.
And I had a very dumb joke.
I mean, I'm probably a few months in, and I had a dumb joke.
And I had a dumb joke about the Fons talking about an epidemic.
And he goes, AIDS.
Yeah.
Very stupid, silly.
No, I like it.
But it would do well in white rooms.
And then I saw a competition that was like you could win $200.
And I'm like, dude, I think I'm ready.
I'm ready to start making some money.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And so I signed up for this and I went with my friend.
It was an all-black room in Stockton, I think, or maybe it was outside of Sacramento.
And the place was called touch a class.
Touch a class.
Yeah.
And it was, we were the only white people or off white, off black people in there.
And the guy was like, everyone's doing 10.
And I didn't have 10.
I had like two.
Hold on.
All right.
Okay.
Oh, okay.
Already.
Hold on, hold on.
All right.
You have two jokes.
One of them is an age joke.
Yeah.
And age is long.
Yeah.
You need some fallback.
Well, I would have win it a year.
A lot of, a lot of.
of my stuff was making fun of my Moroccan family
but in an all black room they don't care about your
Oh, I see you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
In honesty, if he stretches the AIDS,
it's three minutes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So they were like, everyone's doing 10
and we drew names out of a hat and they're like,
you're up second.
Oh, my God.
Great spot.
I don't know where to think.
I needed more time to think of jokes.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
you're signing up for a competition.
Yeah.
Well, you only have two minutes of
material? Maybe five. But it's
mostly about my... I did the same thing,
but I've already talked about it.
I get it. Yeah. Yeah. So
I... You think you could like rise above the
occasion. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Think. Yeah. Precious
makes time. Like the star in Mario Kart. You're just going
to be on stage. Like, I'm not going to
nice shirt. Everyone's like, ah! Yeah.
And I went up.
The first guy goes up and they go, what'd you guys
think? And the room was so nice and supportive.
They were like, should he move on or not? I'm like, oh, shit,
they're asking the crowd like that. And the crowd
went, yeah. So he moved on, and then I went up, did bits about my Moroccan family,
and I could just see the crowd, like, checking out. And they're like, dude, wrap it up, man.
And it's been like three minutes. I'm supposed to do 10. Okay. And so then I finally do this AIDS
joke. But for some reason, I said, like, Africa and epidemic. I don't even remember how I
worded it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He wanted to tie in black people. Yeah, we're all.
We can all appreciate how sad the world is right now. Yeah, yeah. So then I go,
And I'm not kidding, there was like maybe, it felt like 200 people in there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And standing her moment, and I went, AIDS.
And it was silence, and one voice in the back went, what?
And then the host came up, and he's like, oh, he pulled you all.
He was like, he was like being polite.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Just get off.
And so I'm like, thank you so much.
And I leave.
And these two big women got up to slowly walk out to leave the show because they were so offended.
But they blocked me.
So I had to, like, wait walking through the crowd behind these women that just shook their heads at me.
Oh, wow.
And walked out.
And he goes, would you guys think of that guy?
No.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You hear the crowd as you leave.
And I see.
Not even a boo.
No.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Cognit.
I was devastated.
I go and sit in my seat in the crowd.
I didn't know where to go.
And I just sit there and, like, eat it.
Watching this crowd hate me.
And I feel a tap on my shoulder.
And I was so mortified that I just pretended to not feel it.
And it's like someone doing.
this and I'm just getting nudged and I'm like ignoring it. Yeah, who was it? And then I turned around
and it was like, how long have you been doing comedy? And I was like, just a couple months.
And then she turned to her boyfriend. She went, he's only been doing it a couple months. And he just
looked at me and went, no disapproval. And then a guy in a wheelchair pulled up and said he wanted
to book me for his show. He's looking for non-black comics. And that was the only show I never showed up to.
Oh, because you were just like, I can't show back. I was like, there's no way he would want me on that
show. Wow. It was brutal. I'm like
my heart's shaking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone has a story like that. It was brutal.
Let me say something. You're a great comic now.
Thank you. I think you had to go through all that.
Yeah, it makes you stronger. I mean, you think about, it makes you feel like you
deserve the brakes more than like just doing well the whole time. Like, I had to deal with this
shit. I had to deal with this. I did this awful show.
As a headliner, I have to. I didn't do it with you because you didn't ask for it.
But with Kat and Ramsey, there's, we have to have conversations. It's okay.
It's the second show.
You know what I mean?
You have to be...
You know, I always warn them.
I go, Friday night's second show,
probably going to be the worst show we have.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
And I don't take it personally.
Yeah.
You know, so you try to string them along,
have them learn little things here and there.
I never used to do pranks on you, right?
I think you would try and then you realize I don't do that.
And then you wait, you would respect my boundaries.
Yeah, yeah, like, I would lock you in a...
No, you want to do that.
Okay.
Yeah, I think he did a little note at you one time
where he had to go to the stage,
but then you kept him back there or whatever.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, stuff like that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, my God, it's the worst.
Did that, I did that to you?
No, you wouldn't do it.
I wouldn't do that to you.
No, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wait, there's an option to exercise boundaries?
Yeah, but the problem is that you already had that window of opportunity.
He's always been like that.
Well, Bobby can sniff it.
He's like a dog.
Like, he knows how far he can.
take it with certain people.
I think with me,
you just knew like,
all right,
I know,
I know what the edges are.
This is how much
integrity he has.
Okay.
I didn't even
fucking know this guy,
right?
And I was on Matt TV.
Yeah.
Right?
And I had a scene
where I was doing a series
of celebrities
touring my apartment.
And so I had
Dave Navarro as the celebrity,
right?
From Jane's addiction.
Mm-hmm.
Right?
And I wanted to open up
a closet
and have just an Afghani man
with a pole
storing something.
In his underwear.
No, it was sharpening a sword.
Yeah, sharpening a sword.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You'd be in your underwear,
sharpening a floor.
And not even acknowledge at all
and just kind of do this.
And I offer him the part
and he goes, I'm not doing that.
And at that time, he was just a...
I was nobody.
It was nobody.
Like, right.
I don't know what I do that.
No, I wasn't, I just go like,
no, I don't want to do that.
I just said that's what I just said.
You made it sound like I go,
I'm not doing that.
Like I was offended or something.
I'm not doing that.
I said, I don't want to do that.
I don't want to do that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But that, I mean, would you have done it?
If I was, how old were you?
20 something.
Yeah.
I'll do it right now.
I know, I know.
That's how different you are than him.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That he always had that.
Yeah.
But just in my mind, I'm like, what, what's, what's that going to do for me?
I'm just going to be a split second, sharpening a sword in my underwear.
I also don't.
Is this it?
Let's see who did it?
Who is that?
Who is that?
I don't know.
Oh, is that that guy that
Kind of hangs out in the store, right?
That guy with the...
That's Sandy Danto.
Is that Sandy Danto?
Is that really?
That's Sandy Danto.
Holy hair.
Yeah, yeah.
Nothing like him.
Could have been you for him.
Missed out, brother.
He's stirring a pot of stove.
What if we had a time machine?
Like, my life is so different.
I'm in a mansion.
Yeah.
Just in the pool.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Anyway, that's a good bit, though.
Yeah, when you're younger, you say yes to
everything. I feel like you're supposed to,
but it takes like, yeah, integrity to
say no. Now that you saw
it, you still wouldn't do it?
Yeah, I don't know what. I mean, I was pretty hard line on
it back then, I guess.
For me, it was just so quick. And then
also my parents, I'm in my underwear, it's
Hollywood, like,
I always think about the shame stuff, my parents,
shit. Right, okay, okay, okay. You don't want to be, like,
a caricature of their culture.
Yeah, or
whatever they think I don't want to do. Like, even if I
would have offered him, like, there's a part, you're
a sketch, it's
Michael McDonald's the star of the
sketch, you have to do a
Afghani accent. He wouldn't do it.
Yeah, right.
Yeah, would you do it?
If I could do accents, I would.
I would, like, train. I would go on YouTube, I'd learn
to do access. I'll do anything.
That's why you and I
have more of a bond, I think.
I think so. Yeah, yeah.
That you're just willing to do anything.
I'm in.
I also said this the other day. I called him, I go,
I just want to know if I'm crossing any boundaries,
or you feel uncomfortable.
He's like, do whatever you want to me.
Jesus Christ, Ramsey.
Just like a little.
Ramsey, he goes, do whatever you want to me.
Ramsey goes, go harder.
I said you can do whatever he wants to me.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't mind.
I don't care.
You know what I mean?
Bobby, I'm merely a series of holes.
Yeah.
Do you have integrity like that?
I try to.
You know, my, I feel like, like,
my mom was like, dude, do whatever you want.
She was, you know, she was like a servant.
So she's like, I don't care.
Like, you have freedom.
Go be free.
But I'll post some sketches where it's like, you know, I pretended to be like a
paraplegic who's like getting fake jerked off by his nurse.
And my mom, I commented like, no.
God, no.
Turn this off.
This isn't funny.
I don't like this at all.
Yeah.
It's in Arabic.
Yeah.
But can I make the argument that funny wins?
Yeah.
Always.
I've always felt that
in any situation
I'm funny wins
no matter what I say
you know but maybe I'm wrong
maybe funny doesn't always win
yeah I think ultimately
whatever you want to do
you know I go off of that I don't have like super hard
lines but I just feel my
inside of me I'm like do I want to do this or do I not
because I'll do an accent
I do land sometimes and that's an accent
so it's just sort of like I have to
I have to feel it or
so if bad friends did a movie
yeah and we wanted to do
play
a Lance like character
at a club?
Would you do it?
Yeah, probably.
Okay, yeah.
If you said no,
it would be the last
when we asked you for anything.
Yeah, well, I mean.
Yeah.
In fact, we were in the car
and we were,
I remember in the underground comedy movie
and the,
the scene and the,
have you seen this?
Oh, yeah.
So I will,
can we say it?
Can we show it again
or is it too dated?
We've done it already.
I'll try to find it.
No, we saw it.
Yeah, it was a great thing.
The whole movie and he had to kind of find the scene.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Girls, right?
Yeah, with the girls.
So I want to tell you, I was doing Open Mites,
I was probably 22, 23.
And literally, three weeks in,
the Shamawa guy shows up.
Vinnie.
He was in Montreal one year.
I know.
RIP.
What's his association with comedy?
Nothing.
Okay.
He just happened to be at the La Jolla comedy store
at Open Mike.
Huh.
Yeah, and he used to hang out there.
Okay, so push pause.
Just for reference, yeah.
Okay, push pause.
Pause.
Push pause.
Yeah.
So,
Vita.
Great way to pause.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Everyone's listen.
Everyone's mics are on
so you can hear it.
Okay.
So he goes,
he saw me
to open mic.
I had like you
two minutes of material.
Yeah.
And he goes,
you want to be a movie star?
It felt,
yeah,
it felt very like,
you know,
massage agent and he,
yeah.
Or it sounds like something
you hear
before you have to suck a dick.
Yeah.
Sleezy Hollywood.
You want to be a movie star?
Yeah.
Or something like that.
Yeah, yeah.
And I go, yes, sir.
You know what I mean?
Because I knew, because I had, I would watch television.
I knew who he was.
Oh, for sure.
You're the Shyam.
Was he wearing the headset?
The headset.
No, but you could tell he was the sham wall guy.
Huge deal.
Yeah, yeah, it's a huge deal for me.
I've never met, aside from Pauly Shore and Carlos Mancia, I had never met a celebrity.
Yeah.
Okay.
So I'm like, oh, my God.
What movie?
He's like, you're, you're going to speak in it, but we're going to dub your voice.
Like, like, you know what I mean?
And it's very stereotypical.
And it's not really that, you know what I mean?
You're not going to like it.
You just told you right away.
That's pretty bold.
They tell you it's stereotypical.
It's really racist.
And it's like, so I can understand.
Because back then I still was like, I was like, what's up, dude?
I was like a San Diego guy.
I sounded more like a beach guy.
I listened to Fugazi.
I was just kind of like that.
I don't really know much about Asia or whatever.
You know, I grew up in suburbs.
You know what I mean?
Skating, you know.
and stuff like that.
So, you know, this opportunity
so I came to North Hollywood
and I filmed this beautiful piece of action.
I was an open marker.
Sure.
It made me do it.
You know what I mean?
I got no money.
How many days of shooting was that?
A day.
For the movie?
All day.
It's just one scene.
It's a sketch show.
So it was like,
we would do a sketch a day.
And I remember driving back to San Diego going,
I already ruined my career.
Oh.
Oh, you felt bad.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
It's over.
So why'd you do it if you felt that?
on the car ride to San Diego.
Back.
Yeah, yeah.
After I did it.
Oh, did you think,
did you think it was going to be something different?
I didn't know what it was.
Yeah, but it sounded like opportunity.
It sounded like opportunity.
You know who else is in it?
Michael Clark Duncan.
Whoa.
Yeah, Michael is in it.
I mean, there's so many people in it.
So I'm like,
Slash is in it.
Wait, he gave you $0.
I'm 50 bucks, maybe.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, you know, he's saying,
I got Michael Clark Duncan,
slash.
And in my mind, I'm like,
Oh, you know what I mean?
Now watching it now, you know what I mean?
It's like, oh my God.
How terrible is it?
Yeah, that's, but it's not the end.
You know what I mean?
Like, obviously.
What I mean?
It's at the end.
Well, like, you feeling that bad that's nice to know that you're fine.
I'm flourishing.
That's what I'm saying.
Yeah, it didn't hurt you.
It felt so real in that moment.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Drop in the bucket.
Like, it's literally just doesn't matter at this point.
Yeah.
Yeah, three years, four years after that, I got mad TV.
Yeah.
No one knew about that.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
But there was no internet, too.
He goes, I have a sketch idea.
I just rip it up.
Yeah, yeah.
But, you know, you do things in your career that you're not proud of.
Yeah.
And, you know, if I had to take it back,
I don't think that that had any connection with me getting mad and movies and all that stuff.
It's just a part of my history where I could have gone, no, dude.
Yeah.
That did not help me.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
I think it's your 20s, though.
You just do a bunch of stuff.
You find out you can't really be...
Dude, you're talking about 1997, 98.
You know what I mean?
I mean, this is a long time ago.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, you wouldn't even recognize my body there.
No, dude, you look great.
I do.
I was waiting for you to enter.
When that guy was on that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I was like, whoa, too.
Yeah, I was like thin and, you know,
and I believe that if that kid, you know,
had the jokes I have now,
and I was that funny,
but in this time,
period 2006, that I would have done very well for myself.
Yeah.
I think so too.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I had to survive that kind of racism in Hollywood.
Sure.
Where those are the kind of parts I was offered.
I think about the generation before me, like Maz and Ahmed Ahmed Ahmed and stuff like that.
Yeah.
Like what they had to navigate, it's tough because we have the luxury of social media now
where we could be a little more nuanced.
But the stuff that they had to do or the rules that were afforded to them aren't, we have a better
opportunity now.
Aside from Bobby offering you that.
that thing in the closet. Were there any other offensive things for him that you were offered that
you felt like were, you know, crossing some type of a line? I think my agents knew what I wanted to do
and what I didn't want to do. So I just, I made those boundaries again. You're like, I don't want to
go out for this type of stuff. I don't want to be the terrorist in homeland or whatever.
What does that do for me as a comedian? No one's going to be like, oh, that guy was scary on
FX. Let's go see him this weekend. At the funny bone. The guy who almost blew up America on
on CSI.
Let's see the softer side of him.
Let's see where they don't put eyeliner on him.
And I vowed never do an Asian accent again.
Really?
Yeah, about John,
I was talking to John Choney,
he goes, I've never done one.
And I go, you know what, I'm done.
And this last year, I've done two.
I think it's case by case.
When I was younger,
I'm a whore.
We have this conversation every year.
Every year.
We have this conversation.
And is there an Asian accent?
You have to do one.
Okay.
Yes, a master.
Yes, I'm master.
This end up to a pretty big Netflix movie, the vampire one.
You said, I'm not doing it.
Oh, that one I did.
Yeah, I had a big part in a Netflix movie where I had to do a thick.
I'll tell you why.
Because in that role, he didn't have to have one.
He was just some guy in L.A. that sold weapons.
You know what I mean?
So I'm like, why does he have to?
he's like, director, that's just my vision.
Yeah.
I wouldn't have a thick Korean accent.
Oh, weird.
And I go, yeah, but if I'm a Korean dude, you know what I mean,
because, you know, dumbfounded and all these kids that I know that grew up in that town,
they talk like me.
Yeah, yeah.
So why can't he be that?
He's like, no, Asian accent.
And I just said, I can't do it.
You also were Chinese man.
Chinese man, yeah, yeah.
So I play Chinese man a lot, a lot, dude.
Yeah, yeah, I'm really good at that.
Michael Clark Duncan played gay virgin.
Gay virgin.
Yeah, yeah.
Slash was as host.
Any other names in there that we know?
KKK.K. It could have been worse.
Vind's offer played JJ Cool. That definitely is not going to be racially sensitive.
I know Michael Wilson.
And as gay, man.
Is gay virgin?
Wow.
That's gay virgin, yeah.
Transvestite.
I don't even think you can say that anymore.
Karen Black is a name.
Oh, this is a lawsuits.
You know movies is good when it's got lawsuits.
Ramsey, read the New York Times Review.
Where's the New York Times Review? Where is it at?
Okay, let's see.
The New York Times offered a scathing review.
describing the movie as a series of, quote, a series of sketches built around subjects like
masturbation, defecation, alienation, urination, necrophilia, voyeurism, casual brutality,
and mockery of the unfortunate.
Yo, bars.
That makes me want to see the movie.
I know.
I'm like, whoa, that's good.
Sometimes you're like, this might be art.
I would put that on the poster of the film.
Crazy, dude.
That's so bad.
Anyway.
Fairley Brothers were on there?
Anyway.
Part of the lawsuit.
Anyway.
Oh, I see.
Yeah.
So it's good to have ethics, is my point, I think.
Yeah.
I'm less hard-lined on it now.
I'll do it next.
Sometimes I did if the opportunity was big enough.
I did that Tina Fey movie back in the day,
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, where I'd play this Afghan guy.
And I'm like, okay, he lives in Afghanistan.
He hasn't.
It makes sense from to have an accent.
I have it.
Yeah, okay, good.
And the people involved, there's like,
Lorne Michaels producing and Tina Faye's in it, Alfred Molina.
I'm like, this is too big of an opportunity to have these hard lines.
Yeah, but no to match,
I get it.
I know.
If I could go back in time, I would be in the closet.
Yeah, yeah.
All right, what are you promoting?
Oh, it's my special on YouTube.
Yeah.
Is it out?
It's out.
It's called intrusive thoughts.
It's on my YouTube channel.
Yeah, I'm proud of it, but time to move on.
It's really good.
I love all the clips in some of coming in.
Well, that's the other thing too, is now I just got to clip it up for social.
So it's almost like...
So you do it in the main room?
I did in the main room, yeah.
Yeah.
How many cameras you use?
Four?
Maybe four or five?
How many shows did you do?
Two?
One.
I wasn't even,
this wasn't even
going to be the special
was on accident
because Allie Wong
was going to maybe
shoot mine
and have her
and produce it
because I was opening
for her for a while
and I'm like,
oh, let's,
if I could get the
Shang Wang treatment
that'd be awesome
because Shang was opening
for a while
and then we were trying to do that
and then at the end
of my tour
I had this on the books
and I go,
I like the room
and let me just shoot it
just in case that falls through
because Hollywood shit
doesn't always work out.
Did that fall through?
It fell through.
So I was so lucky that I had this.
Wait, wait, Netflix said no to it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think, yeah.
But you were in the party?
I was Hassan's plus one.
I wasn't even a real,
Hassan hit me up the day before.
He's like, you want to go to this thing?
I go, I don't know.
I don't want to seem like I scaled a fence to be at this party.
And he goes, no, I brought Prashant last time.
It's not a big deal.
A bunch of plus ones come.
I'm like, all right.
You got in a photo, though.
I didn't want to.
Jeff Ross.
He's like, get in this thing.
Uh-oh.
And they let you through?
I guess.
I didn't want to get in the photo,
but then Jeff Ross is like,
this is one of those things.
He goes,
you should be in this.
Yeah,
and let me say something.
No one,
I just found out that you were a plus one.
Well, thanks.
So in my mind,
I'm like,
my next special is going to be called plus one.
Yeah.
In my mind,
I'm like,
oh yeah,
that's nice.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He said he wouldn't go.
I wouldn't go.
No,
I feel as a plus one.
I feel too uncomfortable.
Yeah.
Would you go as a plus one?
That's integrity.
No, I don't think I would.
Yeah, I'd go out.
It's actually not integrity. I don't think that.
Where are you?
I think it's fear.
Yeah, where is?
Oh, I'm next to Norman in the back.
Caroline Ray.
Arms around Ted Ferrandos.
Wait, wait, let me see.
That'd be funny.
I'm in the front with Eddie Murphy.
Is Eddie Murphy and Seinfeld?
I got to find out.
Get Zune.
A better photo.
This one's two.
These photos always.
No, you could see me there in the back.
Yeah, there he is.
Just zoom out on.
Here, purser to the left.
Person to the left.
Dude, if Iran hit.
You can see Mark Norman.
Oh, here.
Yeah.
Oh, there you are.
Next, Caroline Ray and Mark Norman.
This genuinely feels like a national security threat to me.
Here's the thing, though.
I didn't want to know this.
Jeff Ross was like, yo, you should be in this.
And then when I was at the photo, there were some comics where I'm like, I could be here.
Yeah, yeah.
You know what I mean?
100%.
Yeah.
100%.
100, dude.
We're not going to name those people, but 100%.
Of David Ledman's here.
I'm here.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, seriously, if next year I get invited and I'm like, hey, you want to come, you wouldn't go.
No.
Wow, that's good.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I don't think I would go either.
I can't do it.
Well, I mean, you should go.
If I'm, if I was a plus one, I couldn't do it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's just my thing.
Totally.
There's no way.
I was trying to do that, but then Hassan, like, twisted my arm.
He's like, it's not a big deal, dude, come.
I think we're wrong.
I think you're right.
I think you're right.
I think you're right.
But also, they're not you.
Yes, correct.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, also correct.
You should have been invited.
Right.
Other people should have said, no.
Look, it's their own taste.
It's their own party.
if they don't see me as a non-plus-one,
they don't see me as a non-plus-one.
And I'm not trying to do this Instagram thing
of like, I'm going to post that photo.
I'm not trying to juice the optics of this thing.
My friend asked me to hang out,
and I tried to get out of it.
The funny thing is if you posted it,
no one would care or question it.
I guess.
But my soul couldn't let me do that.
I couldn't be like,
what an amazing time at the Netflix brunch.
Thanks, Ted.
I didn't post anything.
Yeah.
You never post anything, though.
I know, but I wouldn't post it.
And I'll tell you why, okay?
It's, I have a real resentment toward legacy media and the elites.
I'm with you.
In Hollywood.
I'm with you.
Yeah.
Right.
And they pick who they pick.
And it's not based on humor.
It's not based on the streets.
Fan base.
Right?
Yeah.
It's based on anything.
It's arbitrary and it's who's in the club.
Yep.
Yeah.
It's a country club.
It's a country club.
And I love how.
It's very elitist.
The internet has blown that up and I love it.
I love it too.
I'm way further along in my career now than trying to
play the way Hollywood used to be back in the day.
And I tried to play it and sometimes I got in.
Sometimes.
I got it?
You know what I couldn't believe it.
But you didn't realize how rigged it was until you see what's happening now with like
how much you're flourishing online and people just like who they like.
Yeah.
I should have been, you know, there was always like a top five for a movie.
Jimmy O Yang, Ken Jung, Ronnie Chang.
I was fifth.
Every movie.
So four people would have had to have said no for me to get it.
And that's hence the Asian accent.
Oh.
Well, back in the day, you couldn't even get in front of people
unless the Comedy Central guy liked you.
There was no phones.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So if the gatekeeper didn't like you,
no one would ever see you except you at a club or something.
Right.
Allison Jones was the only gatekeeper that liked me.
And I have to say that out loud.
Most every movie, Hollywood movie I ever did or television
that's worth anything was worth.
through Allison Jones.
And she's,
in Apatow and Larry David.
Yeah, amazing casting director.
Those were huge.
She's,
she also,
and I,
she also believed in,
in me.
And so it's like,
without her,
I would have never gotten anything.
I think Mad TV had gotten on my own,
but other than that,
you know what I mean,
it was Allison.
But,
but now it's like,
and I could already tell
who, you know,
I just wasn't in fully.
And so now,
what internet happened,
I was just like,
me and Andrew both,
Andrew Phillips is the same way.
I could speak on his behalf, that we didn't get in, and we have a little bit of chip out on our shoulders, and now we're doing our own thing.
That's also encouraging, just like the failure thing, where it's like you see carving your own way works out.
You know, if like stand on what you believe in, what you like to do, what's funny.
Yeah.
I'm also old, and I've been in it.
I survived every 30 years plus end.
I'm 55 almost.
Do you believe it?
No.
That's crazy.
I could die.
You know?
I love
Anyway.
I love what we meet.
Thanks for coming out, everybody.
You know?
You're on a list, dude, on IMDB, so that's important.
Behemus?
You.
Where are you at, Bobby?
What is he?
Look, John Cho.
You're showing him the wrong part of the list.
This is just like a user-generated list.
Yeah, that's real, man.
Bobby Lee 12.
Well, come on, dude.
You're above.
Daniel, take him, man.
Wow.
Yeah, but he's not going to look who he's above.
He wants to see who he's below.
No, let's see what's below.
Justin John.
Rexley.
B.
B.
That's classic.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, good, good.
Yeah, you do.
Who's ahead of me, though?
That's what I want to know.
Yeah, to be.
Randall's ahead.
Ken Long?
Ken Long's great, though.
Yeah, he was in Project Calamari.
Pull up top 20 Afghan American stand-up comedian.
The Hema's first five.
Yeah, yeah, pull it up.
No, there's...
I don't know that's the list.
Okay, yeah.
If I've been top 12, I'm a little further in the beginning.
These are Koreans, specifically?
Where's the Asians?
Oh, yeah.
Perry Chan, John's just want to...
Where's Stephen Yun?
Yeah, what the hell?
This is on IMDB, too.
I was 14 years ago.
Oh, damn.
Well, this might be shifted now.
That's 14 years ago!
Wait, but hold on, Bobby.
Your star has only risen even more in 14.
You might be one now.
You'd be at least in the top five.
And you know what?
Don't even look it up.
I don't even want to fucking see it.
Don't even look it up.
I already know.
I'm 12.
I felt good about that.
Hold on to that.
Hold on to 12.
Yeah, yeah.
I think you're hired out.
That's my, my...
I'll tell you why I'm not higher.
Tell me.
There's this thing called the Golden Gala event.
You get invited, don't lie.
I did.
Yeah.
And I was going to go.
And I asked, all right, me plus my girlfriend, and they go, you don't get to bring a guest.
Oh, shit.
So I said, all right, I'm not going.
Yeah, nice.
You don't get to bring a power move.
Are you kidding me?
Yeah, because I've been there before and I go, oh, there's John Cho's wife.
Yeah.
Or whatever.
Right?
I don't get to bring a guest.
Okay.
She got invited, though.
Who?
John Cho's wife.
She got an individual interest.
Yeah, she's a producer.
That's true.
It doesn't matter how my plus one is invited.
I agree.
I agree.
And I had been there before, and what they do is they put the old, in their eyes, the older ones in the back.
Elders.
It's me, Marker Cho, you know what I mean?
Just sitting in the back there.
You know what I mean?
When you look in the front of the tables.
Who's in the front?
It's cherry cola.
Ronnie Chang?
Yeah, Ronnie Chang.
Aquafina.
Yeah, John, Stephen You and Michelle Yoo and Michelle Yao.
They're all in the front.
Yeah.
I mean, I'm in crickets.
And I still go, I get it, right?
But I found it a little offensive.
I always need a war, too, right?
Because my war with other things, I've won it.
I win every wars.
And just to let you guys know, you have to win every war.
If it takes 10 years.
Yeah.
20 years.
Do you hear that, Trevor Wallace?
You're restarting it?
You're re-ignarting it.
I didn't win this one.
Yeah, yeah, restock the war, dude.
So it's fifth home.
I got Ivy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And so your war with this person, sure, is I'm on your side on this war.
Thank you.
I recently saw this person a week ago.
Unfortunately, I gave him the biggest hug one can give.
That's fine, you know.
I'll go, okay, yeah.
I did her head rub.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, because he's no longer in the business.
Or, yeah.
My only thing is, he was saying.
bad things about me
that weren't true. They're not true.
And all comics know that they're not nice.
But it just sucks when you're not there to defend yourself.
You go, okay, I guess these lies are just being
spread and you can't do anything about it. And I guess if they're
out of the business, then you won. You already won.
I guess, yeah. You took them out.
Thinking about them. Does you know? I don't think about them every day
or anything like that. But I just like, oh, okay.
Yeah. Yeah. We all have those.
I have a big war. My mom, when she was
a servant, when she was poor in Morocco,
she helped two white travelers that were hitchhiking.
and she helped them find shelter and took care of them
and then took them to the bus they were trying to get to go to Algeria
and the guy in the group was like,
hit me up if you ever need anything,
if you ever come out to Canada
and he wrote down his name and his number
and it's James Cameron.
Are you kidding me?
I swear to God.
And you gotta use that.
Your mom has James Cameron's number?
Well, his old number before he was famous.
This was like the 70s.
Wow.
You could be a Navi.
She hit him up.
She was like,
Please, my son, he's doing acting.
You?
Yeah.
And he never put you in anything?
Dude, this is crazy.
This is crazy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
She sent me a photo of his number.
She's like, I told you I wasn't lying.
And it's like in her book.
It's just random numbers.
That's proof thing.
There's also a lot of James Cameron's in the world.
No, she actually, her friend was a PI and found out that it was James Cameron.
Oh, I see.
I see.
And that friend died in her sleep.
Whoa.
She got too close.
Yeah.
But at that point, this is pretty.
Terminator. Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, what would you play in that movie as a kid?
Well, no, no. She did it, I think,
when I started like comedy. So this is probably like
early Avatar, maybe, or no? Yeah, so he had already made it.
Yeah. So then use
the number. She reached out to him.
Oh, and he never responded. He never responded.
Oh, I see. So you have a beef with James Cameron. Yeah.
Oh, okay. I can't let it go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't let it go.
Well, James,
if you're listening, we know you're listening. We know you're listening.
We know you're listening.
We could have left you for dead at that bus stop in Casablanca, but no.
Yeah.
And this was so, when 2018, when I happened, the Casablanco thing?
What, when he, when my mom helped him?
Yeah.
I was like in the 70s.
He was like a traveling stoner.
I don't get what you're saying.
He was hitchhiking as like a 20-sent.
So in the 70s, your mom called him, but he had never done movies.
No, no, no, in the 70s.
Get your story right.
I don't understand your story.
You guys understand the beginning.
Okay.
Are you understanding the story?
A little bit.
No, no, no.
No, no.
Okay.
Okay, tell me the story.
So this guy was backpacking across Morocco.
In the 70s.
In the 70s.
He was stranded.
He needed help.
Zach's Moroccan mother helped him.
And he said, if I can do anything for you, if you ever come to Canada, here's my phone number, call me.
And so Zach's mother reached out when Zach started comedy and said...
This is years later.
You think he has the same number?
No, no, no.
But she found the address.
She wrote him a letter.
You know?
Wow.
You think he reads that?
Who knows?
he gets a billion fan letters
Yeah he should still read it
I don't know
Are people sending that many letters these days
To James Cameron?
Letters like handwritten letters
Bob are you taking James Cameron side?
Look I get it
Over Zach Chaloney
Who you
I get it's a ride
Over a ride
But you know what
No he stayed with them
He stayed in their home
They fed him
That changes things
That does change things
Yeah
Yeah so James if you're listening
Their son
He's on my podcast right now
He demands some lines.
Turn me blue.
No, no, no, we're not turning your blue.
No, no, no, I'm not going to gas.
No, no, no, no, no, we're going to put you in a reboot of Terminator or...
Ooh.
Yeah, yeah.
I could do that.
Yeah, or the Abyss.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, part two.
You can play water creature.
I don't know.
I'm just a blob.
I'm an orb.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You'll be an orb.
Who was it a big director?
Was it a commercial you did?
It was like Cameron, like?
No, we already
We resolved that.
And I'll tell you what happened.
I'm not going to tell you who it is.
I'm not going to tell you who it is.
Yeah, because I want to spring it. We're good now.
All right.
Okay.
That person,
I went to his house for Thanksgiving.
Whoa.
I know who it is now.
Yeah.
And we ate dinner with his mother,
his fiance and a couple of his friends,
and I had Thanksgiving at his house.
That's it.
That's pretty amazing.
Yeah.
And you might have a lot.
I don't even know who it is.
Yeah, yeah, no.
Beat that with Cameron.
Oh.
Yeah, I got to get Thanksgiving dinner.
One day you're going to have Thanksgiving dinner at James Cameron's.
He'll be dead, but James Cameron's house.
With his hologram.
He's a state with his hologram.
The AI robot that has his consciousness will be eating with you.
Yeah, he's like, help me up the stairs.
Zach, you want to plug anything or?
Yeah, just follow my socials.
Yeah, he's an open micer and he does.
No, I'm kidding.
I was in the last scene of Shameless.
Yeah, he works at the store.
Speaking part.
You still work at the store?
That's awesome.
No, I'm a paid regular now, Bobby.
We got passed roughly together.
When did he get paid?
He got past probably like, I'd say five months before me or something.
Congratulations.
I did not know that.
Did I congratulate you?
Don't get angry.
Yeah, I don't have a fucking list or, you know.
I got bigger fish to fry, dude.
I'm going after James Cameron right now.
We're good, Bobby.
All right.
Anything to plug?
June 13th comedy store.
Please come to my show.
730 belly room.
We got Craig Conan, Esther Paviski, me.
It'll be a fun time.
Okay.
Special.
Behim Anwar.
What's it called?
Intrusive thoughts.
Intrusive thoughts.
Give, Jim, give, give, uh,
for him a round of a blog.
Yep.
