TigerBelly - Fahim Anwar & The James Cameron Beef

Episode Date: June 3, 2026

Comedian Fahim Anwar returns. We chat about Tonight Show dreams, comedy enemies, stand-up horror stories, Ramsey Badawi’s biggest credit, roast culture, weird jobs before comedy, Montreal a...uditions, and James Cameron beefs.Don’t let your mind get in the way of a good time. Discover your options at BlueChew.com. And we’ve got a special deal for our listeners: Right now, when you buy two months of BlueChew Gold, you get the third for FREE with promo code BELLY. Download the Klarna app today or visit Klarna.com to learn moreSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 We're on Spotify video. Hey, Taguerbelli video now available to watch on Spotify, everybody. Spotify premium users get fewer ads and more eyes. We love fewer ads. And more eyes. We love more eyes. Yeah. Get the third eye.
Starting point is 00:00:17 Fourth. And watch more. More videos. More videos and watch videos and watch it. Oh, Dune, okay. Yeah. Dune. Specifically Dune.
Starting point is 00:00:58 It's not anything racial. It's Dune 3 soundtrack. It's clearable Quran. No, Dune. It's royalty free. Routy free. You know, I have to think, goes, this is an audio jungle, single, called a prayer. It's not bad, I got to say, you know.
Starting point is 00:01:16 That's a pretty good. That kind of sounds. Vibrato? Like Kenny G. Circular breathing here. You just last forever. The long time. What about this intro for us?
Starting point is 00:01:34 Another wrong opening? Maybe. Yeah, maybe wrong opening. I apologize for that. But it's for good. I love all people. And I think we're connected. I do.
Starting point is 00:01:48 Do I not? Maybe. Do I not? You do. Yeah. You love some more than others. Yeah. That it's absolutely not true.
Starting point is 00:01:57 You almost said, yeah. If you look up my face, before we introduce everybody in the room, I've been breaking out a lot. So on the left side of my mountain, there's a mountain region of, I mean, of acne, the one down here, right? Right. And consider my nose the straight of Hermuz. Okay. It's Iran. I see.
Starting point is 00:02:20 The mountainous regions. And I think I did that for this podcast in solidarity. I see. I see. Everybody. One, two, three. It's raining, man. That's the opposite.
Starting point is 00:02:36 That's the other. You can't. No, no, no. No, we don't allow that. Haram. This guy. This guy is also tough. We have Zach, who's new.
Starting point is 00:02:48 You know what I mean? It was a last minuteer. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. That's great. We have an old schooler, Ramsey Badawi, big star now. Oh, welcome. He was on a gigantic show that just came out called Comics Unleashed.
Starting point is 00:03:05 And I just... Oh, my God. My congratulations. You've made it in show business. And let's do a salute to you. Dude, that's legacy media, dude. Well, it's a right of passage. It's a right of passage, dude.
Starting point is 00:03:18 Thank you. I needed the $500. Yeah, it's not about the money, though. It really isn't. It's about... It was strictly about... Optics. It's about...
Starting point is 00:03:26 being on the center stage with legends. Oh, perfect. Like Chris Millhouse. Come on, dude. Who's in your class? I don't know. Yeah, yeah, who's the, yeah, yeah. Question, Zach.
Starting point is 00:03:38 Paint the couch in the next day. Yeah, catch, give me the, paint the chairs. You're, the cast. I literally do not know. No, no, no, you texted me the other day. I swear to God, I sent you the thing. You didn't memorize the three guys
Starting point is 00:03:49 that you were on a show with. You'll never believe this. He goes, guess where I am. You sent you a picture of. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know one of the people. You didn't know their names. You can't even remember.
Starting point is 00:03:59 Wow, that's uninteresting. Yeah. Because sometimes you get the big ones in there. Yes, I did not get any of the big ones. They were very nice people. I just didn't know. Maybe you were the big one. It could have been.
Starting point is 00:04:09 Yeah. Is it aired? It's airing to May 28th. I can do a viewing party? Yeah. Yeah. We should run out to Hollywood. There is.
Starting point is 00:04:19 Merritt Cooper, Mike Fanola, Chase Anthony. Oh, there. And Ramsey Badawi, new. Thank you. Yeah. Ramsey Badawi. 835 on CBS. Did Byron lead you in really well?
Starting point is 00:04:29 Yeah. It's like, Ramsey, you have a dog. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. He actually went, what makes you mad? That was it. That was one of the lead ins. What makes you mad? And that dovetail perfectly into your mad thing.
Starting point is 00:04:40 It's all my, what I'm mad about. Do you think anybody at home is like, feels like it's super organic? Like, we know how it works between the scenes. God, Byron really must know this person. Yeah. Or they just all have, like, amazing jokes about these topics. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So how is the prep prep? Do you, you get there early? And then they, somebody, you have a handler.
Starting point is 00:05:04 Yeah, and they go, okay, just let me know how do we set up your joke? What jokes? I sent them all my jokes. They asked me to send a transcript of my material. Oh, not audio, just on a page. How does that feel? Like when you have to break down your act and actually type it? Do you feel like a fraud? Like, then I tell her. You're like a court stenographer. And you're like, what the fuck is? When you see your jokes in written form, you're like, what the fuck am I doing?
Starting point is 00:05:31 And sometimes the punch sign is a physical thing, right? So did you have to put in parentheses? This is where I raise my hand up, right? And I do a little dance. Does the war. Yeah, yeah, in brackets. Ramsey gets up and does the warm. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:42 How do you do yours set then? That's why I've never done it. Well, I've never been asked. I think that's the most important thing. I can hook you up with the connect if you want to do it. Bob got to come. So I already, so this is what really happened. And then we're going to get to you and your...
Starting point is 00:05:56 No, I don't know. No, I'm here for that. And all the things that you've been doing in the business. And I'm very excited for you. But Monday night, I was in a fever dream. You were? And I just couldn't stop watching on comics on life. Oh.
Starting point is 00:06:13 Why'd you laugh at that, Zach? Well, it's just that's a weird fever dream. I'm getting texts from Bobby at like 1.15 a.m. being like, what is this? This, what is going? And then two, he's going through. It kept going. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, my fever dream. And number one, I think, and I'm being quite honest here.
Starting point is 00:06:35 Thank you. Great show. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, good. I believe it. Great show. Not great in the way you would think it's great. It's great in a, why are you smiling? I'm keeping the same face as everyone else.
Starting point is 00:06:54 We're all nervous. No, no, no, no, no. Your eyes, your eyes are doing something diabolical. I don't like it. They're Filipino eyes. They are Filipino eyes. Red and puffy and scared. Okay.
Starting point is 00:07:05 Filipino eyes. Okay. Red, puffy, and scared. So, I saw a great movie today, obsession. Oh, I keep hearing about it. Oh, my God. 26-year-old YouTubers? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:07:14 It's amazing. Talk to the town. I mean, it's going to make $100 million, and it costs less than a million to make. Yeah. Anyway. I was obsessed with Comics Unleashed. And the reason why is, is everyone on the show are great comments.
Starting point is 00:07:33 I'm friends with them, right? There's just something about this format that doesn't really, you know what I mean? You can't really get your muscle out there, your point of view and who you are in a 30-second joke. Yeah, yeah, it's almost a relic of yesterday year. Like, it made sense at a certain period of time.
Starting point is 00:07:50 Almost like late night. After COVID, late night kind of felt false. Like, why are we pretending to do this thing? and then now with Colbert going to that YouTube channel and it's like so much more fresh than doing this pretend thing of like the Colgate hour. It felt like that. Yeah, it felt like state sponsored television.
Starting point is 00:08:07 Yeah. Or this is what we used to do. This is how we used to consume entertainment. But back in the day, it made sense just like joke, joke, joke, joke. Yeah, so my point of view about it is that I think it's great for young comics. Uh-huh. Is there any butts?
Starting point is 00:08:22 No. You think it's great for everybody? Yeah, I think that you really have to focus on the dance when you're coming out. And that's pretty much what I've been watching. Wait, is there a dance? No, my dance. It's a, they call your name, and there's a split
Starting point is 00:08:35 where you have to get to the stage, and you have to go through this mini hallway where you're exposed to the audience. And they all have their funny way of doing this. Yeah. Wait, is this like the Jennifer Hudson? Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:50 People, come on! You know what I mean? How long does the dance last? It's probably very short. short. Probably like you're talking about three seconds. What if they pivot and it's 90% of the show? They just turn to the whole train? Yeah, yeah. They go, we're looking at the stats.
Starting point is 00:09:03 The retention is great for the dance out. The jokes they don't love so much. Yeah, so now you were getting to what I pitched literally Tuesday to the people. Oh, you spoke to the people at Comics Unleashed without me? Yeah, without you. As an intermediary?
Starting point is 00:09:19 Well, here's the funny thing is that I happen to have a better link than you have there. Is that so? Even though I'm an alumni. I have your photo on the wall. That is true. You're on the wall, but the executive producer of the show used to open for me.
Starting point is 00:09:40 Whoa. For years. Plot twist. Okay. And we share the same manager. Okay. Okay, fine. You've got a better connection.
Starting point is 00:09:47 All right. So I feel like I'm a better connection. What do you think, Zach? That's a strong connection. That's a very strong. As strong as you probably could get. Unless Byron, I had a direct contact to Byron. Or you were Byron Allen.
Starting point is 00:10:01 I was Weather Channel Bowler. Do you have a relationship with Byron Allen at all? I have a feeling and I'm usually right about it that he doesn't like me. Really? Because I did funny as you ask my questions, whatever that show is. What is it called? Funny you should ask. Funny you should ask.
Starting point is 00:10:18 Okay. I did two episodes of that and I called and I go, because I know, you know, people do it regularly, and they're like, yeah, we'll contact you later. Whoa. I think it wasn't my vibe. Yeah. What is, what do they do on funny you should ask? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:35 So back then it was Louis Anderson, John Lovitz, Caroline Ray, these kind of people. And they're all friends of mine, so I'm like, it's kind of old school, you know, what was that, Hollywood, Schwersey, you know what I mean? And I'm like, I'll do this. It wasn't like, who are you? Mm-hmm. You're next to me. It was like everyone on the thing was like a guy that
Starting point is 00:10:58 Wayne Federman, like, just people I know. Yeah. And I see around. Like, yeah, that. It's like this stuff. Yeah, I love John. I love, yeah. Louis, look at you, Louis.
Starting point is 00:11:08 Dude, I would crush it apart. Tim Meadows. Timmeadow. Timmythew, yeah. I was fun. There I am. He's in the dance. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:17 So, I mean, honestly, let's pause, please. Does that sound like? That looks fun. You would do it. Because you're around legend. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:28 You know, I never did comics at least because I didn't never, number one, didn't want to burn my material. You know what I mean? And number two, it just isn't my thing. Yeah. Yeah. So I called my manager and I said, we're going to get to your special. I sort of. No, no, no, no.
Starting point is 00:11:42 No, no, all right. He was pissed. I want to hear that. Yeah, yeah. I called my manager and I go, I have a pitch. And I was dead. And Andrew wants to do it too, Santino. I haven't called the other two guys.
Starting point is 00:11:53 But we book. Comics Unleashed. Okay. But we make a demand. It's got to be me, Santino, Tim Dillon, and Burke Kreiser. I mean, that's a great episode. You take it over for an episode? We take it over for an episode.
Starting point is 00:12:07 That's amazing. They would love that. That would be awesome. It's not. I'm not done with my explanation. Yeah, it's all dancing. So, you know, that's, I think you're getting that. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:12:16 So you said that there is a handler that you have that, or you write out your jokes. You write out the joke. We would do that too. Of course. You know what I mean? you're going to ask me about how my, how my, how's your new lawnmower? Right? I love that.
Starting point is 00:12:29 And you and I are going to come up with a joke about lawnmower. Yeah. Right. And then Tim and everyone will do the same, right? So when Byron brings up the lawnmower, I'm going to go, there's a genocide in Gaza. They're quite literally mowing the lawn. Something of that ilk. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:48 You know what I mean? Like something that has nothing to do what he asked. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. And then what's going to happen, everyone's going to be like that. I want Tim to do a three-minute rant of whatever he wants to rant about, about the Hollywood Hills and mudslides or whatever. Yeah, the fires or whatever and the fires or whatever. Yeah, the fires or whatever. Yeah, the fires or whatever. Right. And Andrew's going to say that I have a condition. And you can't call the cop. Don't stop the show. Just let him sit.
Starting point is 00:13:27 He'll wake up eventually. Performance, art, comics on leash. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's amazing. It's amazing, yeah. And then, you know what I mean? No one will answer the questions that they do. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:13:41 Maybe, you know, Byron will ask Bert a question, and Bert just stares at him for as long as he can, like for 45 seconds. Question, is Bert's shirt on or off at this? Completely off. Yeah. Yeah, he comes off. Yeah. I would demand Andrew, us, and us to try to do the longest dances that we can do to get to the stage.
Starting point is 00:13:58 If it will make it a contest. You know what I mean? I think I'll make 15 minutes. Yeah, I'm saying 15 minutes. Yeah, I mean, they'll cut around it. You're all just sweaty. Yeah, they're going to cut around. They're going to cut around it, right?
Starting point is 00:14:11 And then at one point, toward the end of the show, I get back up. I go, what happened? So it's a sort of a Koffman-esque kind of thing, you know what I mean? You guys want to see my dad? Dog? I want to say. Yeah. And so, honey, you know, my housekeeper
Starting point is 00:14:29 is going to come out with dancing. In a dominatrix outfit. She's agreed to this? No, I'll make her do. I'll pay her whatever she wants. From neck to toe, right? And she's going to bring out Julio.
Starting point is 00:14:43 Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. But Julio with a muscle. I have a dog, Julio, that's the most homicidal dog. It will bite you. It will do f. Like a Tasman and devil, right? Dick Buckley.
Starting point is 00:14:55 I will just go around. You know what I mean? He's going to go crazy. And at one point out, Byron's going to be so scared. Yeah. Yeah, he'll be so scared, right? Horrified. This is like the first episode where comics will really be unleashed.
Starting point is 00:15:08 I want to unleash them. Yeah. So I think that, and then my manager said, no. Of course she said. Yeah. It doesn't have to be exactly what I said. I'm just saying we could get me, four could get together and figure out something fun. to do for that show. I think it's worth floating it
Starting point is 00:15:24 by them. I'm sure they'd be down. Because I think that it'll do way better numbers than they think. Of course. They'd go crazy on YouTube. Yeah, yeah. We'll be insane. Yeah, but I would be insane. Yeah, I would tell Byron, I go, I would go, you can't edit it. I mean, we edit it for this one show.
Starting point is 00:15:42 FDA, we will not cross those lines. You know what I mean? Well, that's crazy. That's food and drug administration. That's how crazy you guys are getting where the FDA is getting involved. The FCC, sure. But the FDA? You're like, we're going to poison the beef supply? No, no confuse.
Starting point is 00:16:00 I was like, red dye 80? FCC. We're going to put Ebola. What, from Comments Unleash? They package frozen vegetables. I bet FCC. I bet FCC. The FTA.
Starting point is 00:16:13 FTA. Yeah, yeah, NRA. They're all going to be involved. Triple A. All the agencies get involved. Yeah, yeah. There's helicopters flying. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:26 But what do you think of that idea? I love it. Are you being sincere? No, for real. Yeah. That would just be so cool because it feels like, I mean, not stale,
Starting point is 00:16:34 but something of the yesterday year and it's a great opportunity for young comics, but to inject this new into it. Yeah. I think if they were cool, they would let you guys take over for one episode.
Starting point is 00:16:43 One episode. And it would draw a lot of attention to the show and it become kind of fun. But they don't get to edit. Yeah, you get fine. Yeah, but the FCC will look at it. and we won't cross any lines. Would you edit in the canned laughter,
Starting point is 00:16:54 or would it just be like an awkward silence? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Are you saying that? Blue chew. You guys, blue chew, dude. I'm 54 years old, and I get ED, and I only use Bluetooth, I'll tell you why, because it works.
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Starting point is 00:22:18 I don't know if the rabid dog would be laughing. We're going to put in our own audience. Oh, it's your own audience. Oh, no, no, yeah. We're going to promote it where like, we're doing this. Bring our audience in. Yeah. Or keep the televised, because they're paid.
Starting point is 00:22:33 Of course. They're. So all television audiences get $50 a piece to sit there all. day long. I would like it was just that. Me too. They have to see this and they're from like Omaha. And they're like what's happening.
Starting point is 00:22:42 And they don't know. They don't know what's about to develop. Surprise. They go, oh, we've seen this show on television. Right. Right. Yeah, yeah. We'll tell them that they're going to watch
Starting point is 00:22:50 like a Tim Allen sitcom or something. Yeah. And then this is like so left of that. Yeah. So audience responses I think will be, oh. Yeah. They'll be very good.
Starting point is 00:23:00 And then lots of silence. Yeah. And I'm, and I'll be, feel free to mumble. you'll say that I mean before we'll have our own warm up is your warm up guy even fucking weird he's not even doing the job
Starting point is 00:23:14 of getting them it'll be Dex Flame It'll be Dex Flame Yeah yeah Perfect Yeah You guys Yeah
Starting point is 00:23:20 He goes where are you from That's cool Yeah Yeah Yeah So we'll get all the information out about like Just laugh
Starting point is 00:23:27 You know If you want You don't have to This is gonna be a weird one And then we'll do it And they also They promote it
Starting point is 00:23:34 So they go next episode, you know what I mean? Oh, yeah. Andrew Santino, Bobby Lee, Burke Reischer, Tim Dillon, or we could even, Theo, or whoever wants to do it. You know I mean?
Starting point is 00:23:45 And we'll just see what happens. I love that when they cut to the clips of, like, next episode, it's just insanity. Yeah. Like, Brut has cuts on his body. Like, you're vomiting. Dog is a buffalo out of the ground. This seems like a real pivot for the show.
Starting point is 00:23:59 How would Byron deal? Is he... He won't do it. I'll tell you what, yeah. I think he's a panic button. He would hit it. set would turn into Judge Judy or something. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:24:07 Completely funny. Yeah. Or what if you recast Byron just for that one episode? Oh, Byron Intersonator. Oh, yeah. Byron's sick. Yeah, Byron's filling in for Byron. He's playing the role of Byron Allen.
Starting point is 00:24:19 He's in Congo. He got the E. Yeah, he'll be fine. You got the E. The E baller. Yeah, yeah. Oh, whatever. There's an excuse.
Starting point is 00:24:29 Sure. Any country. It happened anywhere. That was the first one that just came up. I'm sorry, Argentina, hanta. But anyway, wherever. Yeah, Sudan. So when bird watching and haunted in Venezuela,
Starting point is 00:24:42 he got a little tummy ache. Yeah, we can do that. You know, like Idris Elba? Just get a huge black actor. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or a small one. Like a kind of, Kevin Hart, you know, like a tiny black guy.
Starting point is 00:24:53 Yeah, yeah. I don't think Kevin would do it, but maybe Cat Williams would do it. Oh, he might. Yeah, yeah. But anyway, what do you think of that pitch? I'm for it. Amazing.
Starting point is 00:25:01 So your manager won't even float it by them? Can I say something? I'm against it. Wait, why? Why? You're making a mockery of a television show that I was on. Wow. That is fair.
Starting point is 00:25:12 It is an institution. You're making a mockery of my biggest credit. Dream bigger. And I think that's the real message here on today's special. Dream bigger. Okay. I mean, it's like I did the Tonight Show on Jay Leno in 2001 or whatever. Did that change your life?
Starting point is 00:25:31 No. Really? Even then? It did nothing. Wow, that's crazy. I thought you did it at an era where at least... No, it did absolutely nothing for my career. It doesn't matter, right?
Starting point is 00:25:44 Especially in the day and age of the internet, it doesn't matter. It's all the same. Same with me. I did it like 2025. It was fun to do. But the Tonight Show? Yeah, but it did nothing. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:25:56 I call it like going to the Magic Castle for comedians. You dress up, you pretend that you're a famous comedian from the 80s, and then you have a steak afterwards. Yeah, yeah. You wake up and your life is no different. No one calls. You have cool pictures, but that's about it. Yeah, yeah, no one calls.
Starting point is 00:26:08 Nobody called when you did the Tonight Show? No one called. What year did you do it? 2001. I feel like, for some reason, I feel like it still did stuff then. Does it make your parents proud at least? You know? It is.
Starting point is 00:26:19 No? Zach, no. I think my dad, yeah, yeah, yeah, my dad did. Yeah, yeah, my dad says. My dad goes, how much did you pay them? That's what he asked. Yeah, that's what he said. I thought that I had paid them to do it.
Starting point is 00:26:36 I'm like, that's not how it works. Because I want them to feel proud. Yeah. Right? That like, hey, I got on TV. But they thought that anyone could just go, here's a grand. I'm going to just try to do some comedy. Like Tom Cruise goes, thanks for having me on.
Starting point is 00:26:49 Yeah. You know what I mean? But so they don't know how show business were. Yeah. I think later on when they saw me constantly on mad TV, they were like, oh, this is a real. You know? That's what I said.
Starting point is 00:27:00 What was the last word they said? This is a real. A real. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I brought my parents in the Tonight Show. Did they...
Starting point is 00:27:07 Were proud? Well, I did it... Because I did it just to get the monkey off my back, you know? I thought, like, oh, I'd make them proud. Huh? Leave them home. The monkey? The monkeys?
Starting point is 00:27:16 Yeah. Well, but I mean, they want to watch me do it, too. The monkeys want to see me. Is it... What is it? It's all of them. It's like, chimp, orangutan. Okay.
Starting point is 00:27:24 But I thought that would do the thing for my dad. Like, okay, maybe he saw me tonight show. But it was when I had a writing job and I had a parking space and I went to a building for eight hours. That's what he was about. He was like, oh, you have a parking spot. I had a break room. They just restock it. He only understands nine to five businesses.
Starting point is 00:27:41 So like Hollywood shit did nothing to him. But the fact that I go to a building, I sit in a desk for eight hours and I leave and I have lunch and they pay me, he can wrap his immigrant brain around that. He's like, oh, wow, he's doing it. Benefits. Yeah. Yeah. But you have to, I mean, your parents had to have some sort of concept of what the tonight show is. That's why I brought them.
Starting point is 00:28:03 I'm like, okay, I feel like they kind of know, they know what this is. What this means if your son or daughter was asked to do this show, what did it mean to your parents? That specific thing, not the writing job. I think it meant something, even though my dad didn't verbalize like he did with the writing job. I think the fact of flying to New York, you know, spending some time there's a family, going to 30 Rock, being backstage, saying hi to the roots, you know, my mom meeting Questlove. That's insane. Wow. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:28:34 And then Jimmy coming by and being like, oh, nice to meet you. And like John Oliver's back there too. So Jimmy Fallon met your dad? Yeah. Oh, so. Jimmy's so nice, man. Yes, I know him. I know him.
Starting point is 00:28:44 Oh, okay. Well, no, not at all. Not at all. Yeah, he's actually nice, this isn't the front to you, Bobby. I'm just saying, yeah, yeah. I love everybody. He's great. I've done Conan's.
Starting point is 00:28:56 I've done. I'm not going to fuck with him. No, no, he's great. That's the top. But he was just so accommodating and so personal. He's a great guy. And even as a comic, he really sets you up.
Starting point is 00:29:05 You're behind the curtains, and he's like, his family's in the crowd. Let's give him a lot. He really, he almost does an audience warm-up. So you're playing a hot crowd when you come out.
Starting point is 00:29:14 Your dad must have been proud of you. Yeah. He, it's like an immigrant, cold love. It's actions. It's not words. He's not like, wow, you crushed it.
Starting point is 00:29:24 I love the way you open and the new dumbtail. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's not a comedy nerd. Those two tags. Oh, then you're closer. That switch. That switch.
Starting point is 00:29:34 Came out of nowhere. Then you step on the gas. I knew. I did some mics in Kabul. I kind of know if you think. It's kind of a colder love. There's no hug. No.
Starting point is 00:29:46 I mean, my mom will make us hug sometimes. She's like, man. Well, because we don't need it. But my mom thinks she's like, yeah, she'll have to hug each other. And we both. It just feels weird. If you didn't grow, like, we do it more now.
Starting point is 00:29:58 Yeah. But like, we don't say I love you. It's implied. I'm very. love me done with my mom. My mom is like where I can be a human. I think I've met your mom. Yeah. Yeah, I love your mom. Yeah. And I remember when you used to take me on the road and stuff, you would almost do an intervention with my parents would be like, he's, he's very good at this.
Starting point is 00:30:13 You know what I mean? Like, because you knew they were worried about me and stuff. And you go, because I relate to that. Like I think, um, Fihim has the same thing. Not Fahim. Fahim, that's you. Amir K has the same thing. Amir's hilarious. Yeah, but I think he has that thing with his dad. Do you, you, you're dead? Nope. No clue. They don't know what I do. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Zach, your dad? My dad's dead, but I like to...
Starting point is 00:30:36 But how does he feel like him? You know, he's with me always. No, he was a white guy. Oh, my mom's Moroccan. Oh, she's Marocan. Yeah, yeah, she doesn't quite understand. She's just like... That's a Blanca's a great movie.
Starting point is 00:30:48 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's her movie. Great connection. Yeah, no, she... Moroccan rugs. Those are awesome. Rock and Rudge, yeah. Aladdin. I like that a lot.
Starting point is 00:30:57 Yeah. Yeah. She doesn't quite get it. She didn't get comedy now. No, I mean, she doesn't... The white part. No, it doesn't really affect her. Does she trust you?
Starting point is 00:31:07 Or she's like, I don't get it? Or does she think, like, you're throwing your life's way? Like, it's drugs or something? She trusts me, but she always downplays me because she hates parents that brag about their kids. So people say, like, oh, I saw your son at the show in San Francisco. And she'll be like, yeah, he's trying to do comedy. Oh, so she's Morocco.
Starting point is 00:31:24 But then she'll tell me she believes in me. I'm like, why don't you tell them you believe me? Yeah, yeah. That's weird. Yeah, I mean, I don't know what that is. I but here's what here's the
Starting point is 00:31:35 I think the good analysis or is we don't know 30, 40 years ago from now what AI is going to do and what so my son could be like
Starting point is 00:31:47 I'm a you know what I mean I'm an I'm a space probe I'm a space man probe in space you know I mean and I'm on Venus and I get to probe Venus and we're like
Starting point is 00:32:00 okay and we're kind of like Congratulations. Yeah. No, for real. You have no frame of reference. Yeah, we have no frame of reference of it. Yeah, you go, can't you be a YouTuber like everybody else? Be a DJ like your grandpa.
Starting point is 00:32:13 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because we now live in a social, you know what I mean? Yeah. Society where, because AI has taken over, that we have to pay probably 60% of our population, give me a guaranteed wage. Yeah. Because their jobs are going to be gone.
Starting point is 00:32:28 Uh-huh. So then, you know, we're going to have more artists, more comics, we're going to have more, you know what I mean? Space Pro dancing. Open mics were bad now. Get ready for AI, take away all the jobs and everyone else all is free time. Yeah, but people have free time doing their own little projects. I think it'll be, if that happens, what do you do in?
Starting point is 00:32:45 Am I too loud? No, I'm just adjusting everyone's levels. Okay. Okay. All the time. Yeah, yeah, but that's the first time I've ever noticed that. The one time he sees you doing your job. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:55 AI, replace him. Yeah, but, yeah, so maybe our parents don't really, get what we're doing. Yes. I know they don't. So I understand it. But when you're 17 and it's happening, you're like, you don't get me.
Starting point is 00:33:07 Yeah. Yeah. This is my life. Yeah. I don't want to be a doctor. You also don't know the living hell to get there. You need that level of delusion. Like, thank God, little kid me didn't know how long it would take all the steps and all
Starting point is 00:33:24 that. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. And there's a lot of pain and suffering up until that point that your parents. are not aware of. Yeah. But I would always tell my parents, I'd be like,
Starting point is 00:33:34 whatever the worst case scenario in your mind for me is that I'm like homeless, doing drugs, just no, I don't want that for me either. Yeah. I will switch tracks. I'm not gonna keep on doing comedy until I'm eating fish heads
Starting point is 00:33:45 out of a dumpster. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like, you know, selling my butthole for money or whatever. Like, I don't love comedy that much to do it to that degree. Yeah. Like, if things get really bad, I'll pivot.
Starting point is 00:33:55 I'm still an engineer, you know? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you could be an engineer. Yeah, yeah. You did both, right? I did both until I could do comedy full-time. So I'm like, I have a fallback. Can you go back to that end?
Starting point is 00:34:05 I have too much gap in employment at this point. They'd be like, why have you been gone for? And you show him your late night clear? I go, I show them this tonight show. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Will you let me work on planes again? I think they would let you work on planes again. What was the late night club?
Starting point is 00:34:18 No, okay. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, did you have a problem. Yeah, you had some prominent jobs. I did. I worked in, I worked in government. Yeah, I did. I worked at the state assembly in California,
Starting point is 00:34:28 and I worked at political consulting firms. Yeah, and he's also a rock star. Oh, don't do this to me, but it happened. Oh, I don't know this. This Wildlife. Yeah, he was in a band. I was in a band called This Wild Life. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:34:40 Fantastic Bay. I'm a huge. What if I had no idea the whole time? I'm like, I just listened to their music, but I never looked at the people. He's been bullying me about this for two weeks now. That I had dreams. Well, what did you play? I played bass.
Starting point is 00:34:51 I played bass. Did you really? In orchestra, I was not very good. Different vibe. You played this thing? Yeah, because in fourth grade. Interesting enough, your orchestra has. more famous than this is why.
Starting point is 00:35:02 Really? Wow. Check it out. New record, I think. They're big. Yeah, they're big. So, orchestra what? I was in orchestra.
Starting point is 00:35:11 They would, you play electric bass. Oh, you play. So that's how they get you in. I'm like, oh, cool. I'm like a rock star. But then once you got to middle school, they take it away
Starting point is 00:35:18 and you have to play the upright. And I was tiny. I didn't grow until, so I'm just like a little kid carrying this giant fucking upright bass putting it on the bus. Are you good at it? No, I was like, whatever.
Starting point is 00:35:27 But the cool thing about the bass is it's such a low register that no one could hear how bad you are. She's like, bo-b-b-b-b-b- Right. Oh, right. If you're violin, everybody knows you. Everyone knows you. Were your parents proud of orchestra?
Starting point is 00:35:38 Well, I want, it was just something to do to put your kid in it. And then once I wanted to quit, my dad was so mad. He was like, if you quit this, you'll quit it everything. He wouldn't let me quit. And finally, I was able to. I was like, I want to do drama.
Starting point is 00:35:51 It's very Afghanistan. Yeah, classic Afghanistan. Classic Afghanistan. They don't quit. They don't quit. They never quit those guys. To be honest, there's a strength about Middle Eastern people in all regions that we're not fully aware of. You know, Koreans are tough because of the Japanese occupation. You know, so I think it gets passed on generationally.
Starting point is 00:36:18 You know, I'm just this strength and like, you know what I mean? You don't bully me. You know, you don't, you know, I'm going to take this to the end. Rage. Not rage. Strength. Strength, outrage. Well, it's doing a lot with a little, too.
Starting point is 00:36:32 I think even Afghanistan, it's always war-torn. Like, the British went in there. And then the Russians and then America, they always think it's going to be easy. But it's mountainous. The people are very resilient, so it's not a cakewalk, you know? And then Iran as well,
Starting point is 00:36:45 they thought it was going to be quick, like, it's over. It's over. It's not over. No, wait, wait, wait, wait, Zach, you think it's over? Yeah, our country is really great. We won.
Starting point is 00:36:56 No, no, no, no, no. I'm with Zach. I'm with Zach. Yeah, no, wait, wait, wait, Where are you getting your information? I want to know because maybe it is over. I don't know. Yeah, Trump himself.
Starting point is 00:37:04 Oh, he said it on truth. He's in the room. What if government propaganda is getting into podcasts? They just have like, throws with a button up. Like, we're killing it. Mission accomplished. We did it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:37:18 I'll be honest with you. This last weekend, I literally thought, oh, maybe this one is real. This war? Didn't you? This one? No, this particular, like, oh, you know, 95? percent, right? We just have a couple of things.
Starting point is 00:37:33 You know what I mean? Everyone's involved. And I was literally going, oh, this is it then. You know what I mean? And then they attack. We attacked the Southern region or whatever. Yeah. So then I'm like, I was fooled again.
Starting point is 00:37:46 Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I was fooled again. But, yeah, I, you know, I'm not a political guy, but I don't do that. You guys got to see Bobby connect with Uber drivers. Okay, what does that mean? Bobby gets into an Uber sometimes. And when he finds out he's from a place, Bobby goes off, dude.
Starting point is 00:38:03 Bobby be connected. I'm with you. He's like, Bobby's sitting there going over all the battles and all the, all the fights and all the policies. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I go nuts. Dude, the Uber drivers love Bobby. They do love him. I tip well and I also great conversation.
Starting point is 00:38:18 Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're both talking with their hands and bring very. And there are times where I hug them. Oh, for sure. Good luck, brother. You do, you do. Yep, my comrades. That kind of thing.
Starting point is 00:38:28 Sometimes you'll cancel a ride with a white person. to get a brown guy. You go, sorry, Devon. I'm waiting for Mahmoud. Yeah. So you were joking when you said that it's over. No, yeah, it's not over. Okay, it's that, yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:45 So your Moroccan mother, now she's probably more supportive or no? You know, if I'm in the local paper, I think would be the greatest. What's the local paper? Yeah, you're in the paper? Like the arc. Like, if I get in her local paper. Where's the arc? It's in Marine.
Starting point is 00:38:59 County, Northern California. You ever been in that yet? No, I mean, I think... There's a picture... As a kid, had a parade in the background, and she, like, framed it. You're not even, like...
Starting point is 00:39:11 I'm just sitting down watching, like, Johnny Mosley talk about... Just not... You're not on a... Based on your craft. Yet. No, I mean, well... I guess I could just ask them to write about me,
Starting point is 00:39:22 and they probably would. It's a really small town. Wait, have you done comics on Leashed or not yet? No, not yet. Hop on it. And they get in the arc. Come on, that's huge for the town. Wait, that's the man.
Starting point is 00:39:29 That's the man. That's the move, actually. Yeah. Just do it for your mom. Yeah, my brother got in for football in high school, and that was, like, the greatest day of our family's life. Legacy, like media like that. It's a big deal.
Starting point is 00:39:38 Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's a big deal for them. Yeah. Yeah. Would you do Comics Unleashed? Look at me right in my face. It's fine. And you can say, yes or not, it's fine.
Starting point is 00:39:49 Byron's a listener of the podcast. Is he? Byron. I'll remember what you answer when you ask me to hook you up with the fact. I don't, you know, I don't think I'd be a good fit for. for it. I think you would. Why? I think it'd be great. Yeah. No, I don't. And I'm standing firm in that. Why? Because I don't want to do it. That's a good answer. That's the real answer. He said it like he's been drafted to Vietnam the way he said it.
Starting point is 00:40:18 No, no. I don't want to do it. I'm gay. He has bonespers. Oh, yeah. Most of you. Okay. Okay. I'm Muslim. I can't do comics. Okay. Okay. So yeah. Just then move to Canada then. Yeah, I should have. It's your only option, because they're going to make you do it. Yeah. I feel like they make you do it.
Starting point is 00:40:36 The Canada makes you do it. No, I think America makes you do it. Comics, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like mandatory military service. You have to do two years of constantly. As a comic, I think they make you do it, yeah. Yeah, I think that I think I'm in the same. I'm 54.
Starting point is 00:40:50 Oh, you're out of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I can make up something. Yeah. Kidney stones, you know, Paulups, everything, you know. Yeah, yeah. It was an honor to serve Paramount. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:58 You have hemorrhoids. You can't sit in the seat? Yeah. Yeah, would you do it? I've been asked to do it. I'm with you. It's just not my speed. I guess I'm on a podcast
Starting point is 00:41:06 a bunch of people who have so much integrity. It's not, no, no, no, no. There's no, no, no, no, this goddamn business. No, not at all. It's not integrity. It's just knowing yourself, like, how you operate. Like, I know I'm not good in that environment.
Starting point is 00:41:19 Like, Kill Tony, even. It's a huge opportunity. Tony's asked me to do it in the past, but I'm like, I'm not good on a panel like that. I just know my comedy. It's so funny that you say that because I say no to kill Tony. He thinks it's an offense to him No, I'm so flattered and it's such an amazing show
Starting point is 00:41:34 It's great opportunities People are so good on it But I just know that's not I don't excel at that So I'd rather not do it Than do something so big and be bad at it Yeah like when I do it If you've never noticed
Starting point is 00:41:45 There are times I leave Yeah you have to go to the bathroom And I'll wait 30 minutes Yes And then come back Every time I've seen you do it I'll be looking so uncomfortable Yeah because I don't
Starting point is 00:41:55 I'm not good at that kind of Yeah Of comedy of like making I'm not a roaster Same like ball breaker Yeah I'm not a ball breaker Roaster
Starting point is 00:42:04 I do it with I know how to roast I'm probably one of the best at it when it comes to personal things Yes You know I mean If I know you And I know that it's
Starting point is 00:42:14 You're not gonna take offense to it And you know Andrew knows But there are things about Andrew and I Personally That we know That is a no go
Starting point is 00:42:23 Right And so for me To do it in front of a stranger You know I would have to do research and know what really hurts and that I don't think that's my thing. So Kevin Hart asked you guys and paid you a lot of money to do
Starting point is 00:42:35 his Netflix. That's a different thing also as well because you have your jokes. That's a roast. I guess you could rise in the occasion to do a roast. I still don't love it. But Kill Tony is like literally, it's like jazz. Somebody says something. You barb and then it's almost like jump rope or you know when they're doing double-dutch. Like how do you get into the timing of it?
Starting point is 00:42:54 They're reading a teleprompter on that last roast. Do you notice? They're literally, all their jokes are written out, you know what they're going to say. And with Kill Tony, it's like, there's no, it's like podcasting. But what's safe about podcasting is that we edit. You know what I mean? And there's some history and it's kind of small, it's controlled. Yes.
Starting point is 00:43:15 Kill Tony's chaos. There's somebody during a minute. They got a weird thing. Somebody says, wasn't in the crowd. There's a panel here. There's a chick with huge, it's coming out, giving you drinks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's over-stimulating.
Starting point is 00:43:25 It's very, yeah. Yeah, it's not my thing. Some people are amazing and it's great to watch. It's a great show and I'm not dogging it at all. But he always took it personally. Like I'd be in town and I won't even call him. I'm in Austin. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:43:40 Because me, hey, man, you're in town. You have to do it. And I'm like, I'm not doing it. And he always convinces me to do it. Remember? Last time? You called him to say you're not doing it. Yeah, I called him to say, I will not do it.
Starting point is 00:43:54 And somehow I'm doing it. It makes me laugh so much to see you on that. show. It is so funny. Why? You just look so, I know you now, and I know when you're really uncomfortable, and you look so uncomfortable every single kill Tony. Yeah, yeah. I get laughed. Of course you do. Yeah, I get laughs. But I could tell you don't want to
Starting point is 00:44:10 rib, you don't want to hurt anybody's feelings. You're just trying to be you. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, if Netflix asked me to do a roast, I'd be able to come up with great jokes and I would do it. Here's the thing, is that you get open to people coming at you. Yes.
Starting point is 00:44:26 You start crying. You're like sitting on the couch. And you're like, you're pretending like you're okay. And I watch. Yeah. And I watch. It cuts back to Bobby. He's hanging. Like, whoa, he's in a suit.
Starting point is 00:44:42 He's in a suit just hanging. It just tombstone. Only a tombstone. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's the part, you know, that I don't really like. You know, my personal life. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:44:54 You know, and, um, listen. There was a lot of resentment in that rost. Oh, yeah. Oh, you can feel that. There's a lot of hatred, resentment. These people do not talk to each other. They have just... I mean, I have a couple of comics in my life that I don't like, you know, because of wrongdoing.
Starting point is 00:45:15 That was slighted. Yeah. And I can't imagine being on stage because I will go off. You know what I mean? Yeah. And that's what that is. That's what that was. It doesn't seem fun like it used to be.
Starting point is 00:45:26 No. No, it used to be. Now it's way too personal. Yeah. You know, it's like, in 1993, he filed for bankruptcy. You're like, whoa, they're getting really specific here. You lost your kids. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:45:38 Like, what that? Yeah. Why'd your husband kill himself? Yeah. That was one of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:45:45 That part is like, no, you're not allowed to talk about that. Wait, question, Bobby. Who would be the guy that you would like to see least on the panel? You go, oh, no, if I see this guy, this would be a problem. Well, this person called me a couple years ago. goes, listen, I know you don't like me. I don't really like you, but please
Starting point is 00:46:04 stop talking about you on your podcast because it's ruining my life. Whoa. And he goes, just, can we just make a deal? And I go, okay. And so we're not going to name the person. I can't. Did you respect that, though? There's two people like that. There's a couple of people like that.
Starting point is 00:46:21 Where they're like, yeah, I'm getting harassed at work. You know, and I'm like, I'm just saying that I don't like you. I think that I'm even in the wrong in this. I'm just saying that I don't like you on a massive podcast. Every week. And the guy's at work. And it gets clipped up.
Starting point is 00:46:36 And there's clippers out there as well. The clip is circulating on Facebook, TikTok. And I don't see what the big deal is. I'm boosting the post. I'm just far more popular. I'm putting $30 a day into these clips. It's not a big deal. You make your own podcast and then talk about me.
Starting point is 00:46:51 Do you have anybody? Enemies or what do you mean? People that you're like, I'm going to walk the other. way if I see them at the comedy store. This is interesting because he can me is such a guy that I feel like everybody loves. That's why I don't trust him.
Starting point is 00:47:06 No, that's why I don't trust this guy because he has like boundaries. The healthy things I have. He has boundaries. No, no, no, no, no. I'm with this. I've never heard anything bad about him. Zero.
Starting point is 00:47:22 Yeah, yeah, nothing. Just a hard worker. He's so funny. There's not a dent on your car, not even a scratch. I watch. look and they're just you're so like you won't reveal specific things about your life yeah you don't mesh that and you know you really rarely talk about your ethnicity or no I do I do yeah yeah
Starting point is 00:47:40 yeah but it's not my whole act it's a new thing um yeah yeah I guess yeah yeah you and I've you and I've had long conversations about yeah of like you know maybe if you're you're you talked about you know yeah opening up opening up a little bit more and you won't do it and well that's fine you're protecting your personal life no Yeah, but... I'm better about it now. Like, yeah. But you are very private.
Starting point is 00:48:02 You're so nice. I don't, I can't think of anyone that's ever said anything bad about you. I have one enemy. Whoa. Whoa. You don't have to say it out loud, but you do have one.
Starting point is 00:48:12 I do, you know who it is. Can you whisper it in my ear? We'll cut it out, I promise. It'll be blue. Yeah, I got it. I got a, wait, you don't got to say it. I'll give you a clue. Tell Bob.
Starting point is 00:48:20 Not a, not a comedian. Oh, okay. Well, why do I care? Yeah. We'll bleep it out. How do I know? I won't know them. You'll know them.
Starting point is 00:48:28 Because you tried to settle it. You tried to squash the beef. It's got to be a famous person. Who could, who could feed? Is Dax Shepherd, dude. It's got to be somebody of note. Maybe it's a, maybe like a medical guy, a doctor or something? I bet it's like industry.
Starting point is 00:48:45 It's got to be industry. An industry. Agent or something. Yeah, that's all we're going to say. Yeah. I know this person. Is it Byron Allen? You tried to broke a piece at one point.
Starting point is 00:48:55 I tried to broker the piece. Why? You know you're in a tough spot when you're getting Bobby to broker the piece. Or he's the voice of reason? Or Bobby's the peaceful one. I'm sorry. I'm very highly offended by that. I apologize, sir.
Starting point is 00:49:07 In fact, I am Pakistan. You are very much Pakistan. I've many of times have broken pieces and negotiated on people of behalf. I believe that. I find that what you just said, very highly offensive. There's another thing that you did if you want to fucking play game. I'd like to not play games. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:49:26 Just keep it straight. Let me ask you something, Zach and Fahim. Okay. Not Zach and Fee. Yeah, that's right. Zach and Feehan. That's how hilarious this episode is. Everybody kind of looks like.
Starting point is 00:49:36 I know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Let me ask you Fihim and Fakh. Go ahead. Jimmy O-Yang. Sorry, I know you're going to hurt me, so I wanted to, I wanted to lash out. I apologize.
Starting point is 00:49:50 Go ahead. Sorry, go ahead, Bobby. I apologize. I don't know if this is working anymore. I really don't know if this is. working anyway, right? But remember for him, you used to open for me. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:02 Right? You were the first guy to take me out. I owe you a lot. I don't, you don't mean anything. Well, I appreciate it. Your success is the proof in the pudding. But I just remember just having a really good time with you. I've never thought anything bad about you.
Starting point is 00:50:16 Never said anything bad about anybody. You made arch travel smooth as if you weren't even there, and you're very grateful. and at times you were unfollowable. I remember specifically San Antonio LOL. I remember turning to a local comic next to him that was standing next to me and going, I seriously don't know if I could follow this.
Starting point is 00:50:39 He's killing. And so I want to say, thank you for being a great opener. Thank you for causing me peace in my life. And I will be forever in gratitude. The feeling is mutual, Bobby. Thank you. Why did you include me on this?
Starting point is 00:50:55 What do you mean? You said, I want to tell you something for he, man, Zach. Well, he just wants you to hear this. I got it. No, no, no, no, no. That's not what this is. This is set up to him. Okay, okay.
Starting point is 00:51:09 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Of what he did. Okay. Okay. And he just called me Jimmy O. Yang. He did. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:51:16 I was lashing out. I felt attack. Go ahead. I'm ready. Okay. You don't even know what I'm talking about right now. I know it will hurt. That's what I know.
Starting point is 00:51:24 I know it will hurt. Yeah. we were somewhere someplace you know what I mean and we were outside and there was a group of fans that came up to me Bobby Lee
Starting point is 00:51:33 you know what I even by and he made fun of my fan base to their face or when they left no often like these it's a da da da da da da da da da you know what I'm not going to say what he said
Starting point is 00:51:45 and he made fun of my fan base and I looked right in him right in his eyes and I said if you ever do that again you're fired yeah wow these are the people that love me. Yeah, I'm sorry. My fans are weird. Yeah, the people you're playing to? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:52:02 Some of them are missing eyes. Sometimes they're disheveled. You know what I mean? And they need a laugh in their life. Their hairs are in the wrong places. You know what I mean? But my point is is this? They still are my fans and they relate to me and I love them. Yeah. Okay. You would never disrespect me by doing that. I would just be so happy there were people there. Exactly. I got to play at full house. And Zach, is he at fault of mine? That's why I wanted to ask you. For... Defend your fans? Yeah, Ramsey, making fun of my fans when he's my opener.
Starting point is 00:52:32 Would you ever do that? Would I ever make fun of your fans? Yeah, if I have you open for me. If I open for you, no. Let me just say this. She's trying to divide and conquer us right now, guys. I'm just letting you know. I'm just thinking about you guys going the road after this.
Starting point is 00:52:45 Ramsey coming out and everyone going, boo. They have eyepatches. They're like, boo. One guy has a hook. He's like, They're wearing medical gowns. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:52:57 Straight jacket. Yeah, like a muzzle. Yeah. Bobby, I apologize. Oh, this is going to hurt you from now on a little bit, I think. Bobby, if I can say just... Well, talk to the fans. I would address the fans.
Starting point is 00:53:11 On his behalf, right? I made fun of them, too. What? You can make fun of them too? No, I'm not going to make fun of them, too. I love them. Me too. Yeah, it was, they were...
Starting point is 00:53:21 They were the sillier... The sillier... You have a spectrum. I have a spectrum of people. Yes. And these people were a specific type of spectrum. Their car had like no registration on it. Yeah, that kind of thing.
Starting point is 00:53:32 Broken window kind of thing. Yeah. But I love Bobby's fans. And Bobby, I do apologize about that. That was crossing a line. And I do mean that. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:53:41 It's real. Yeah. And I already forgive you then. Thank you. Yeah. I remember just, I want to trade Bobby notes opening. I'm trying to remember from when I opened
Starting point is 00:53:49 to see if it does same stuff with you. Uh-huh. I didn't know about your rule. You would always pay when we went out, you know? And that was very cool. You're like, get whatever you want. Oh, this is amazing. You feel like in Willy Wonka's factory.
Starting point is 00:53:59 How many great meals? So amazing meals. Steaks, whatever. There's no limit. Appetizer, salads. And I notice this about you too. You order everything and then you take one bite of everything like Homer Simpson. And then you just like, yeah, leave it.
Starting point is 00:54:11 You have whatever you want. But I remember I learned that from David Spade. Hmm. I tried to box it and you go, no, no, no, no, no. I go, what? He goes, no, no, you can't, you can't box food. I go, what? He's like, anything, you can have anything here in this moment,
Starting point is 00:54:23 but you can't box it. it and take it back. I didn't know about that rule until touring a bomb. I'm like, well, he's paying for it. I guess it makes sense. A little odd. Like no one's ever done that. But I kind of get it in principle. Then you're not trying to bilk Bobby and you only order what you can eat at the table. Like he's not here to pay for this meal and your next one. Right. Right. It's time together. Same with you guys. Like, you can't box it. I don't know if I've ever even had a desire to box anything. But that's how big the meals are. We don't even order main sometimes because he gets so many appetizers. So we just eat that. It's legendary.
Starting point is 00:54:54 It's amazing. I don't know, Alex. Oh, boy. I heard you call him the monster. We call him the monster because he comes going the road. And we call him the monster at dinner. And I go, his is usually the most expensive thing. Yeah, yeah, lamb chunks.
Starting point is 00:55:10 You know what? Lamb chunks. That's off-menu. He's like, I see the chops. Where are the chunks? A-5, no, like, A-5 snow beef, ox tail. Something like that, right? Where it's like $3,000.
Starting point is 00:55:23 Comes in like a gold. suitcase. So it's like he's that guy. So it's like sometimes I look at Monster and I go, go ahead, Monster. You haven't made an announcement lately. You're like, everyone, I see the A5 wag you at the table. Just don't order it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:55:40 No, he goes, you can order it. But I might have feelings about it. Which I love. I like that rule. I do too. It's fair. Well, when I was coming up, there was no A5. There was no way to do.
Starting point is 00:55:52 It was A4. Cows weren't doing that. They weren't doing that. Yeah, yeah. They learned the A5. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the A5, the specific We went to, right? Cat was...
Starting point is 00:56:09 Is $100 every two ounces of meat. Insane. Whoa. All right, so two ounces of meat is the size of this jewel. Yeah, $100. Okay. Now, if the monster, it was
Starting point is 00:56:23 Specifically for the monster. Right? Because I don't even know if you can read. I mean, his favorite bet is limp biscuit. So I don't know if he can read, right? So in that specific restaurant, I was like, all right, so no one ordered that. It was for him, right?
Starting point is 00:56:40 And so for an order to get, to feed him with two ounces of Japanese A5, Wagyu, you know what I mean? Would it cost me thousands of dollars. Yeah. Right? Which is I'm fine to do, but it's like, there's also a porterhouse that you can get. I just imagine you calling your accountant and be like, Monster wants a 3rd?
Starting point is 00:57:01 Can I do it? Okay, I'll tell him to go 14. Can't do 33. Yeah, I appreciate the dinners, though. They're good. Yeah, I know. And you're welcome. You know?
Starting point is 00:57:16 You're very much welcome. You're family to me. And so, but that's why I say it. Out loud, I go, just that don't know an order, because I'm getting every appetizer, and you can get any meal you want except for that. And it's only for the monster. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:57:36 And I, so I didn't even know how I got into bringing that up, because you said something. I hurt you when I called you Jimmy O. Yang. No, it was before that that started. What was the thing before that? Oh, yeah, how you don't let people take food to live. Oh, yeah, being generous on the food. Like you have to eat it there. Right.
Starting point is 00:57:53 And then do you have any beefs? With people, comedians? Yeah. I certainly have beefs, but I don't know if anybody is, like, significant enough to matter at this point. You know? Like, I don't have any beef with anybody like. You know what's funny is I did an episode here with Trevor Wallace. I didn't have a beef with Trevor Wallace, but I was definitely rude to him in the early days of my comedy.
Starting point is 00:58:16 And I remember sitting next to him and being like, I wonder if he knows or if he remembers. You should have brought it up. Why, where do you think that comes from? Why? Open mic scarcity, you know, like feeling like you got to kind of edge out everybody above, you know what I mean? And now, you know. Like someone's success means less for me. Yes, in the early days.
Starting point is 00:58:35 I think the way Hollywood used to be, that was somewhat true. But now it's just an ocean of clips and. Yes. It's anyone's game. Yeah. Yeah. Anyone's game. But I just put stuff out there and then hope society gravitates towards it, but that's it.
Starting point is 00:58:50 but that's it. There's no gatekeeper. It's like, you're the guy. We're in a juncture in show business and in the world where there's so many unknown factors that it's even difficult to plan what you're going to do in three years. Yeah. You know, like, I mean, I literally, that special I did was like, oh, this is the last time I might do this. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:59:12 I mean, something else might come around. I don't know what it might be, but we are definitely, I think like plumbers, stand-up comedians, I have a longer, you know what I mean, maybe a lifespan. Well, you have a skilled trade that is dependent upon you. You don't really need, there's not a lot of moving parts with stand-up. It's guy talking, your fans show up. Do you put butts in seats? It's pretty lean business.
Starting point is 00:59:34 But to act, you need the producer to sign off, the casting director, so many things. Yeah, but if an AI robot could tell really good jokes. They're getting close. Yeah, and perform live. Everybody's like, anybody from out of town that he falls? And then they put a blanket over him and they drag him off. Did you see the clip of the Michael Jackson robot? My God, I haven't laughed at anything.
Starting point is 00:59:55 No. It's such a long time. That thing scared me. Well, it was so good. It was great. And then it's so funny that it could do all these complex movements, but stares, like one step takes it out. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:00:06 And I love how it stumbled, but then it recovers, like it didn't happen. You know, like when a figure skater falls? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, no, no, go back further. Yeah, okay. Oh, yeah. Killing it. To me, this genuinely feels.
Starting point is 01:00:18 Okay, that? Okay, that didn't happen. That didn't have. Back to the performance. Nobody saw that. Nobody saw that. You're killing it, robot. You're killing it.
Starting point is 01:00:25 Hit the moon one. Ugh. Oh, wow. All right. Let's try the steps again. Here we go. And then he's done. I've literally seen.
Starting point is 01:00:33 I've seen Eric Griffin do that. I really have. I really have. Yeah. This is like vaudevillian. It's hilarious. This is the T-shirt comes in. It's so sad.
Starting point is 01:00:43 It sincerely feels like the beginning of a sci-fi movie where that guy is like, they humiliated me. They made me dance for them. Yeah. Yeah. You know. He feels shame for the first time in his life. Yes, yes.
Starting point is 01:00:54 And then he's going to make us dance. But he's going to get better. Yeah. Yeah. He's going to learn from this. He's like, yeah. He's going to mean, oh, no. Like Long Beach.
Starting point is 01:01:05 Okay. We're bringing Long Beach. So I know I know we bring up. Too much bringing up Longwood? We'll give me the cliff notes. I'll give me the cliff, right? Me and Andrew are playing Long Beach. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:01:16 Right. And Andrew still talks about this. This is really unfortunate. You know what I mean? This is very... Like, why do you do that? You know what I'm so nervous. I don't know what happened.
Starting point is 01:01:25 I'm going to tell you. Okay. But your eyes, you know what I mean, are fixated on me. My mom is a servant, man. Okay, man. Okay. That is the Middle Eastern, I think, conundrum. Conundrum.
Starting point is 01:01:38 There's a sadness. Okay, so... Can I say this, by the way, Bobby, really quickly? The reason why he doesn't know this story, and Zach's a good friend of mine, is I've never told it to him, because it was, it's such a deep shame. Well, if you don't want me to bring it up if it's too shameful.
Starting point is 01:01:51 No, bring it up. It was pure shame. Yeah, bring it up. Okay. So I gave you and, um, Angie. Angie Stroud, an opportunity to open up for us in this big theater in Long Beach. Hometown. How many seats was it?
Starting point is 01:02:06 2,500? Yeah. Big, big, big place, you know. And I go, you're opening. That was a great honor. Yeah. And you know how you can tell when somebody takes the mic out of the stage? stand that it might not go well.
Starting point is 01:02:20 Just immediately from that. It's more of a... Fidgety. Yeah, yeah, you know, you've seen that? And then can you hear it too? Yeah, you can hear it. Oh, no. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:02:33 You know what I mean? Hey, you know what I mean? Okay. Like, even the A was bad? Yeah, yeah. Hey, yeah. I remember... It's like vocalized.
Starting point is 01:02:42 There's 2,500 people. Hey. Yeah. So, Andrew is watching Ramsey like this. Oh, boy. That's a scary thing to hear. And I'm pacing. Because I'm the one that I got you on it.
Starting point is 01:02:57 Yeah. And I thought you were doing pretty good. I did fine. Yeah, yeah. I did really good. But the ending was shame. Yes. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:03:05 Tell us what happened at the end. So what happened at the end was, first of all, can I say this? It was my first time in a theater, 2,500 seat. You know, I'd never performed. By the way, Bobby, I didn't, I had never. open for you at that point. So that was the first time you were watching me. Like, there was a lot of nerves in me, right? And then on top of that, they also have the bad friend set in the background. So I'm in front of the curtain. Like, I'm performing at the edge of this. It's a very foreign
Starting point is 01:03:31 sort of thing. It's almost like a plank. It feels like a plank. Yeah. So I'm up there. Explain that. Like a pirate. Yeah, just like a small area. A lot of pirates. Yep. And I felt like a, you know, the sword of Andrew Santino poking me in the back. Get out there, you know. Andrew, note that. Well, you. Well, you. You know, I just mean he's a scared. Figuratively. I was more scared of Andrew at the time than I was of Bobby, I think. Because Bobby was more friendly to me, and Andrew was a guy who was completely, like, didn't, you know.
Starting point is 01:03:56 So, set's going fine. I go to close, you know, do my last joke. And right before I do the final punchline, the cable comes out of the microphone. Did you step on it or what? How did it come on down? I don't even know exactly how it happened. Is it a three-prong? It's a three-prong.
Starting point is 01:04:13 Yeah. Oh, so you got to find it. You know the three-prong? You got to find it. Yeah, yeah. This is every comic's nightmare. Yeah. Attachment, right?
Starting point is 01:04:22 Right? And then to get it in, there's a three-prong thing where you have to line it up. It's like interstellar. Yeah. It's interstellar. It's a puzzle now. You already have no audio. It feels like an eternity.
Starting point is 01:04:35 Apollo 13. Remember when Kevin Bacon's character had to perfectly, you know, get it in that little thing, the latch on? Did you do a reenactment and play the interstellar music while Ramsey's trying to. Yeah. And the connection took too long. It was just a little bit, you could hear it. Yeah, you could hear the connection.
Starting point is 01:04:53 You can hear him. It not fitting the right way. You know what I mean? And in my mind was just, look at the dots. You're yelling. You're with my mind. The dark. Light it up.
Starting point is 01:05:02 Lock it up. You're losing the ground. Yeah, yeah. So that happens. And then what happens? Well, I just... Go into another joke? No, I just finish.
Starting point is 01:05:12 I just do the punch line as opposed to like addressing it. Ah, so he had a punch. So he did a punchline. So let's take an old joke. All right. So, you know, a grasshopper is a drink at a bar. Yeah. Right. Grasshopper walks in a bar.
Starting point is 01:05:30 Bartender says, hey, we have a drink named after you. And the grapenter says, you have a drink named Steve? Okay, that's the classic. All right, so this is how this joke's how Ramsey did it. Let me grab one of these. This is, by that, just so everybody knows, one of the most traumatic experiences. All right. Hey, grasshopper walks through a bar.
Starting point is 01:05:52 Bar-tender says, hey, we have a drink named after you. And the grasshopper says, you have a drink name. Steve. It's almost brilliant how you do. It's like Andy Kaufman. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. That's so much time passed where they didn't even remember the setup.
Starting point is 01:06:13 They don't remember the setup. They're wondering if I'm the janitor. They don't even know. They're like, is Steve the next comic? Yeah, yeah. Steve's the sound guy. Yeah, yeah. They're expecting Steve to come out to do that.
Starting point is 01:06:25 Yeah, so, um, I was broken. Here's what you do, though, in that situation, right? Is you go, fuck that. I have to close on a laugh. Yeah. You're going to do a different joke. Yeah, yeah. May I just say one thing?
Starting point is 01:06:39 I respect survival. Yes. Over anything else. May I say one thing? Just one thing. You can say whatever you want. You're a human thing. Right before I went out, Bobby.
Starting point is 01:06:47 goes, the time is 10 minutes, do not go one second over. He gives me a little bit of that conversation. If you go one second over, we get in trouble. We rent this theater, both. It was a big conversation. That's compounded fear. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:07:00 Now the fear is compounded fear. But what it teaches you is he doesn't have comics instinct. Okay. So of survival. But it's almost like a suicide bomber of comedy where he's willing to take, he's willing to die to cut time for your guys' show. I'm Middle Eastern.
Starting point is 01:07:17 He's a martyr to my core, Bobby, when a dictator tells me to do something. And in this situation, you are a fearless leader. This is what I would have done. I'll just tell you what I would have thought. Okay. All right. First of all, it would have gone quicker.
Starting point is 01:07:31 Okay. All right. I've practiced it. I've gone to the comedy store during the day. Right? Like, this is a settlement. I'm Asian. Yeah, I mean, I've practiced. Yeah, he's blind.
Starting point is 01:07:44 Yeah, yeah. All right. That's your corrupt. Yeah. I mean, I've also practiced lines that I have when that particular thing happened. Okay? You want to hear it? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:07:55 One of my lines, right? Yeah. So if I, you know, I'll do it. I'm going to, don't worry, guys, my people made this shit. Yeah. That always gets a laugh. You know what I mean? You have to have three or four of those in there, you know what I mean, in order to, you
Starting point is 01:08:08 know what I mean, survive those situations. And I have jokes about anything that could go wrong in the room. Give us them. Yeah. No, I don't want to. Or you don't want to burn it? I don't want to burn my, I want to, I don't, now I can't even do that one.
Starting point is 01:08:19 That'd be so funny, we just like, yeah, yeah, like X-Men training room throughout some scenarios. Like, all right, lady, lady heckles, a fat guy gets up. Yeah. A skinny guy. Person with an eye patch. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:08:33 So what I would have done is I would have looked, because I was, did you see him on the side of the stage? I remember nothing about that night. Okay. Oh, yeah. Because I was so, he was so, also mortified after that.
Starting point is 01:08:44 Yeah, yeah. Okay, so when he says Steve at the end of his, I don't know what the punchline was, but he goes, Steve, and it doesn't get a laugh, he puts the mic, and you can see his body just drop. Yeah, right? This hurts to hear him. And he goes, an ex-comic, you know,
Starting point is 01:09:01 and he brings up Angie. And then maybe like 20 minutes later, I see him on a couch. And let's say I'm like, we're the corner of that garage is, and I'm Aunt Ramsey. This is what Ramsey's doing. Yeah, I do remember.
Starting point is 01:09:15 I remember that. I do remember feeling that way. Yeah, I do remember feeling that way. I remember being like, ugh, that was tough. And I felt so bad. Yeah. And I walked right up to him
Starting point is 01:09:24 with like just empathy and I looked right in his eyes and I go. You went a second over. You know, Zach, I had a punchline there. You stole it, dude. All right, plug the mic back. No, no, no, no, no.
Starting point is 01:09:40 I literally had a punchline there and you stole my joke. That's fine. But you know what? Now you're shaking. But I'd rather have someone use their comedy instincts than fail. Thank you. That's why I'm here.
Starting point is 01:10:02 Lessons. The lesson right there. It's a lesson, you know what I mean? But that was a sad night. But, you know, he's still opening for me. And he's killing it. I can put him in any position, in any scenario, and he hits the ball. That's cool. You're getting theater bobbies because I was getting clubb-b- Those
Starting point is 01:10:19 Yeah, they're sold out weekends and stuff. Yeah. Theater Bobby's next level. Yeah, that's different. Yeah. How do you even prepare for that? You just got to fail like you said. You got to try and like fall in that room. Yeah. Yeah, I think I was just really nervous at that day because, again, it just felt like my hometown.
Starting point is 01:10:35 It felt like I can't believe I'm here. And then it was like, Bobby's never even seen me before. It was just a lot in my head. Oh, yeah. I'd never seen them before. You'd never seen me before. Yeah. I feel like we all have those things as well and you learn from it.
Starting point is 01:10:45 You can dwell on it and let it eat you and, side, but then you have to move on, you learn from it, and you move on. I have a thousand of those. Yeah. Yeah. I literally have a thousand of those. Does anything come to your mind where you go, that day was one of these. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 01:10:57 I mean, I have failure. My whole life is failure after failure after failure and still not quitting. I like hearing that, you know, when I was a younger comic and you would talk about these failures to you. Yeah. And then how well you're doing in my mind, I'm like, oh, you can still, you can have bad moments and still have a career and persevere. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:11:16 it's it's it's you just fail upwards good yeah yeah you just don't quit and every once in a while something would happen that you don't expect and you kind of go you get pulled up a little bit you know what I mean but it's like I have so many embarrassing failing moments where I was literally like calling people go I think literally
Starting point is 01:11:41 I'm going to kill myself that was so embarrassing yeah you know I mean so it's like but I did I just kind of survived, you know, but, you know, I had, if you want to hear a story. Please. Is that what you wanted? Is that we're setting me up for? I was just curious, if anything, what's the thing that makes you go?
Starting point is 01:11:57 What's your Long Beach? Okay, so my Long Beach is this. I'm auditioning for the Montreal Comedy Festival. Huge. I could never get one. I could never get one. Were you somewhat big at the time? Did you have anything going or no, no.
Starting point is 01:12:10 This is before Matt TV. And I had Abby, my manager, who also manages the executive producer. of Comics Unleashed. And funny you should ask. And funny you should ask. Okay, so anyway, she goes, sweetie, you're going to do chocolate Mondays or whatever it was.
Starting point is 01:12:27 Chocolate Sunday. Chocolate Sunday. Sorry. Why did you laugh? I got the day wrong. It's just funny to be chocolate Mondays. One's a pun. How is one upon? Like an ice cream, chocolate Sunday.
Starting point is 01:12:41 Wait, you didn't know what it was called chocolate. To be honest with you, neither did I, until you said that. Yeah. I didn't know it was one. I didn't know. My people love Sunday. I think it's like a church thing. I thought it was a church thing.
Starting point is 01:12:52 I really did. I thought it was like a church Thursday. Oh my God. I never. You're right. Chocolate Sunday. I'm embarrassed. Bobby Mune.
Starting point is 01:13:04 Yeah, yeah. I had no clue. I did chocolate Sundays. And back then it was like a hard room. And I go, okay. And she goes, I invited. everybody. That's crazy.
Starting point is 01:13:18 I go, who do you mean everybody? She's like, Montreal's coming, Will Smith's production companies coming, just all these fucking people are coming. HBO, I mean, the list goes on, and I was like, oh, okay.
Starting point is 01:13:31 And I show up, I don't know any of the comedians, because at that time, I just played the store. I didn't know, you know what I mean? Later you find out who they are. Sure. You know what I mean? Oh, Sadrock thinner, entertainer.
Starting point is 01:13:44 Yeah, I mean, like, I mean, these types of acts. And they put me in the middle of the show, and they have crisscross. Holy crap. Like these two kids. Of course, I know Chris Cross. They wear their pants.
Starting point is 01:13:57 Backwards. Jump. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Crows. Right. And they are before me. Oh, my God. No one would do well.
Starting point is 01:14:05 Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to follow Chris Cross in their prime? Yeah, yeah. That's stuff of nightmares. Yeah. Yeah. And they're their, I didn't understand why their pants were backwards. That was their thing.
Starting point is 01:14:15 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I wanted to say them, hey, excuse me, your pants are backwards. You're about to perform. Like, I didn't know though that was a hook. Maybe you guys are nervous. Yeah, maybe you're nervous. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:14:25 You know, it was just a three-prong or two. Wait, Bob, can I ask before you go further? When you do black rooms, because the audiences are different. A lot of times the comedy's different for those people who, you know, are unfamiliar. Did you typically do well in those types of settings?
Starting point is 01:14:39 Nope. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. So already you're in a note. Nope. Okay. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:14:44 Were you the only non-black act on the law? Yep. This is, Bobby. This is tougher anybody. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And this is, you're talking to him also five years after the riot. The riots. Oh, boy.
Starting point is 01:14:55 Okay. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So they think I'm a rooftop. They think I'm a rooftop Korean. You're coming. Is that the name of your special? No, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:15:05 But yeah, yeah, but they think I'm a rooftop Korean. Yeah. So I'm like, I'm not roughtop. Here's another thing that I do that I've changed over the years. but for some reason when I played Black Rooms I would find myself
Starting point is 01:15:18 trying to talk different Of course You know what I mean To you know And it never They just saw it right through Yeah Yeah
Starting point is 01:15:25 What's up dogs Yeah DJ cut that shit Yeah yeah You gotta just be yourself Hell no I'm Bobi L yeah yeah
Starting point is 01:15:33 He's got a catchphrase All the sudden I'm little Robert So then Lil Bert He's like cheeseburger So Chris Crocs go up
Starting point is 01:15:41 And they do They don't do comedy they do music. There's a DJ on stage and you know what I mean? Jump, jump, jump, jump. I don't know. Were they going crazy?
Starting point is 01:15:50 And they were doing a dance routine and the whole place was standing. Oh no. You know what I mean? God damn. Right? Right. Oh, it gets worse.
Starting point is 01:15:58 It gets way worse, right? They do two songs just killing it, right? And then the host gets up on stage and turns to the kids and go, we have more comics going up so you guys got to leave. The audience is going,
Starting point is 01:16:12 No. Oh. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. Keep the kids up there, right? And then the kids are like, yeah, we're going to do another one. And the guys, because, you know, there's so many comics on. No, we got to move on, right? And then he brings me up while they're still on stage.
Starting point is 01:16:30 Oh, my God. So they're doing this. Yeah. And then you're coming on. Those two kids are on stage. You don't understand how huge. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:16:42 Yeah. Yeah, yeah. These kids were the thing. And they're younger than I thought. Like, you're basically kicking kids. Yeah, it's rooftop Korean. Yeah, rooftop Korean is walking up to kids going, you gotta get off stage. Crushing their dream. And then they stay on stage and I, for some reason, so nervous, I just go into my act.
Starting point is 01:17:06 Oh, you don't even think of my dress. I don't acknowledge what's going on. I don't acknowledge, you know what I mean? you know and my friend Jonathan Gottsick because you know from the improv main stage you can see people by that double
Starting point is 01:17:21 door yeah I see got sick standing there and he's also the only white guy there he's a bald head and he's back then you know we grew up together in comedy and I remember at one point two minutes in he just kind of
Starting point is 01:17:35 when you start to see your allies turn from you yeah the back of the room he loved his body They love you so much. They can't watch. Yeah. And I remember I made it to like three or four minutes. Oh, no.
Starting point is 01:17:47 The kids are still on stage. What? Why are they on stage? They're doing a song after mine, I mean. Oh, my God. You're an intermission to their act. That's mean. Yeah, and I get off stage in tears.
Starting point is 01:18:00 That's how bad it was. Fuck. And I walk up to Jonathan and Jonathan goes, you want to move back to San Diego? Oh, what kind of friend is that? Yeah. No, because we moved here from San Diego. Oh.
Starting point is 01:18:10 We started in San Diego. And he was trying to be helpful, like, maybe we're not ready. Yeah. It affected him. Yeah, it affected him. Maybe we're not ready. Yeah. And I couldn't, I was crying hard.
Starting point is 01:18:22 It was so embarrassing. Yours is nothing. Yeah. I swear. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I never did new faces, ever. Even though I had opportunities to showcase years after that, never did it. And I believe it's criss-cross. We have to get Chris.
Starting point is 01:18:41 I believe it was Chris. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I don't, they're kids. Well, they should have gotten off stage. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no. They didn't know the song and they crushed. Oh, my God. Because I can hear them outside when I'm walking into my car.
Starting point is 01:18:52 And at that point, there was no valet. So I'm walking down Melrose. Yeah. You know what I'm going to Brea from Melrose. Just that sad nighttime walk. Of course. You see all these fancy stores. Yes.
Starting point is 01:19:04 And you're going, it's over. Yeah. It's all over. Do you have anything? No, you don't have anything like that. Oh, brother. Yes, brother. I have failed harder than fucking...
Starting point is 01:19:13 That? Well, no, but I have... I have failed so bad that I thought I was going to, like, die at the club that night. Yeah. Like, I thought someone was going to kill me. Yeah, yeah. Because you're mad at you? I hurt feelings.
Starting point is 01:19:26 Yeah. Oh, you hurt feelings. You ripped somebody apart. No, I just, like, said a joke. They're like, what the fuck is wrong with you? And then I'm like, I don't... Oh, you said a joke. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:19:34 Yeah. And, um... Was it racial? Kinda. Yeah. Can you? As he tells the story, he's a monster. Listen, we cut with the show.
Starting point is 01:19:47 So just say it, and if it's too uncomfortable, we'll cut it. No, it's bad. Yeah, yeah, we want to hear it. No, I can. Yeah, you can. Zach, we'll cut it. We'll cut it. We really do cut it.
Starting point is 01:19:57 All right, so I was new, and I was performing in a lot of white rooms. And I had a very dumb joke. I mean, I'm probably a few months in, and I had a dumb joke. And I had a dumb joke about the Fons talking about an epidemic. And he goes, AIDS. Yeah. Very stupid, silly. No, I like it.
Starting point is 01:20:19 But it would do well in white rooms. And then I saw a competition that was like you could win $200. And I'm like, dude, I think I'm ready. I'm ready to start making some money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I signed up for this and I went with my friend. It was an all-black room in Stockton, I think, or maybe it was outside of Sacramento. And the place was called touch a class.
Starting point is 01:20:39 Touch a class. Yeah. And it was, we were the only white people or off white, off black people in there. And the guy was like, everyone's doing 10. And I didn't have 10. I had like two. Hold on. All right.
Starting point is 01:20:54 Okay. Oh, okay. Already. Hold on, hold on. All right. You have two jokes. One of them is an age joke. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:21:03 And age is long. Yeah. You need some fallback. Well, I would have win it a year. A lot of, a lot of. of my stuff was making fun of my Moroccan family but in an all black room they don't care about your Oh, I see you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:21:13 In honesty, if he stretches the AIDS, it's three minutes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they were like, everyone's doing 10 and we drew names out of a hat and they're like, you're up second. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 01:21:27 Great spot. I don't know where to think. I needed more time to think of jokes. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, you're signing up for a competition. Yeah. Well, you only have two minutes of material? Maybe five. But it's
Starting point is 01:21:39 mostly about my... I did the same thing, but I've already talked about it. I get it. Yeah. Yeah. So I... You think you could like rise above the occasion. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Think. Yeah. Precious makes time. Like the star in Mario Kart. You're just going to be on stage. Like, I'm not going to
Starting point is 01:21:55 nice shirt. Everyone's like, ah! Yeah. And I went up. The first guy goes up and they go, what'd you guys think? And the room was so nice and supportive. They were like, should he move on or not? I'm like, oh, shit, they're asking the crowd like that. And the crowd went, yeah. So he moved on, and then I went up, did bits about my Moroccan family, and I could just see the crowd, like, checking out. And they're like, dude, wrap it up, man.
Starting point is 01:22:16 And it's been like three minutes. I'm supposed to do 10. Okay. And so then I finally do this AIDS joke. But for some reason, I said, like, Africa and epidemic. I don't even remember how I worded it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He wanted to tie in black people. Yeah, we're all. We can all appreciate how sad the world is right now. Yeah, yeah. So then I go, And I'm not kidding, there was like maybe, it felt like 200 people in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And standing her moment, and I went, AIDS. And it was silence, and one voice in the back went, what?
Starting point is 01:22:49 And then the host came up, and he's like, oh, he pulled you all. He was like, he was like being polite. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Just get off. And so I'm like, thank you so much. And I leave. And these two big women got up to slowly walk out to leave the show because they were so offended.
Starting point is 01:23:07 But they blocked me. So I had to, like, wait walking through the crowd behind these women that just shook their heads at me. Oh, wow. And walked out. And he goes, would you guys think of that guy? No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You hear the crowd as you leave.
Starting point is 01:23:18 And I see. Not even a boo. No. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Cognit. I was devastated. I go and sit in my seat in the crowd.
Starting point is 01:23:26 I didn't know where to go. And I just sit there and, like, eat it. Watching this crowd hate me. And I feel a tap on my shoulder. And I was so mortified that I just pretended to not feel it. And it's like someone doing. this and I'm just getting nudged and I'm like ignoring it. Yeah, who was it? And then I turned around and it was like, how long have you been doing comedy? And I was like, just a couple months.
Starting point is 01:23:47 And then she turned to her boyfriend. She went, he's only been doing it a couple months. And he just looked at me and went, no disapproval. And then a guy in a wheelchair pulled up and said he wanted to book me for his show. He's looking for non-black comics. And that was the only show I never showed up to. Oh, because you were just like, I can't show back. I was like, there's no way he would want me on that show. Wow. It was brutal. I'm like my heart's shaking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone has a story like that. It was brutal. Let me say something. You're a great comic now. Thank you. I think you had to go through all that.
Starting point is 01:24:16 Yeah, it makes you stronger. I mean, you think about, it makes you feel like you deserve the brakes more than like just doing well the whole time. Like, I had to deal with this shit. I had to deal with this. I did this awful show. As a headliner, I have to. I didn't do it with you because you didn't ask for it. But with Kat and Ramsey, there's, we have to have conversations. It's okay. It's the second show. You know what I mean? You have to be...
Starting point is 01:24:39 You know, I always warn them. I go, Friday night's second show, probably going to be the worst show we have. Yeah. You know what I mean? And I don't take it personally. Yeah. You know, so you try to string them along,
Starting point is 01:24:52 have them learn little things here and there. I never used to do pranks on you, right? I think you would try and then you realize I don't do that. And then you wait, you would respect my boundaries. Yeah, yeah, like, I would lock you in a... No, you want to do that. Okay. Yeah, I think he did a little note at you one time
Starting point is 01:25:11 where he had to go to the stage, but then you kept him back there or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, stuff like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God, it's the worst. Did that, I did that to you? No, you wouldn't do it.
Starting point is 01:25:20 I wouldn't do that to you. No, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, there's an option to exercise boundaries? Yeah, but the problem is that you already had that window of opportunity. He's always been like that. Well, Bobby can sniff it. He's like a dog. Like, he knows how far he can.
Starting point is 01:25:35 take it with certain people. I think with me, you just knew like, all right, I know, I know what the edges are. This is how much integrity he has.
Starting point is 01:25:44 Okay. I didn't even fucking know this guy, right? And I was on Matt TV. Yeah. Right? And I had a scene
Starting point is 01:25:50 where I was doing a series of celebrities touring my apartment. And so I had Dave Navarro as the celebrity, right? From Jane's addiction. Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 01:26:02 Right? And I wanted to open up a closet and have just an Afghani man with a pole storing something. In his underwear. No, it was sharpening a sword.
Starting point is 01:26:12 Yeah, sharpening a sword. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You'd be in your underwear, sharpening a floor. And not even acknowledge at all and just kind of do this. And I offer him the part and he goes, I'm not doing that.
Starting point is 01:26:20 And at that time, he was just a... I was nobody. It was nobody. Like, right. I don't know what I do that. No, I wasn't, I just go like, no, I don't want to do that. I just said that's what I just said.
Starting point is 01:26:31 You made it sound like I go, I'm not doing that. Like I was offended or something. I'm not doing that. I said, I don't want to do that. I don't want to do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But that, I mean, would you have done it?
Starting point is 01:26:43 If I was, how old were you? 20 something. Yeah. I'll do it right now. I know, I know. That's how different you are than him. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That he always had that.
Starting point is 01:26:54 Yeah. But just in my mind, I'm like, what, what's, what's that going to do for me? I'm just going to be a split second, sharpening a sword in my underwear. I also don't. Is this it? Let's see who did it? Who is that? Who is that?
Starting point is 01:27:06 I don't know. Oh, is that that guy that Kind of hangs out in the store, right? That guy with the... That's Sandy Danto. Is that Sandy Danto? Is that really? That's Sandy Danto.
Starting point is 01:27:17 Holy hair. Yeah, yeah. Nothing like him. Could have been you for him. Missed out, brother. He's stirring a pot of stove. What if we had a time machine? Like, my life is so different.
Starting point is 01:27:26 I'm in a mansion. Yeah. Just in the pool. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Anyway, that's a good bit, though. Yeah, when you're younger, you say yes to everything. I feel like you're supposed to,
Starting point is 01:27:36 but it takes like, yeah, integrity to say no. Now that you saw it, you still wouldn't do it? Yeah, I don't know what. I mean, I was pretty hard line on it back then, I guess. For me, it was just so quick. And then also my parents, I'm in my underwear, it's Hollywood, like,
Starting point is 01:27:52 I always think about the shame stuff, my parents, shit. Right, okay, okay, okay. You don't want to be, like, a caricature of their culture. Yeah, or whatever they think I don't want to do. Like, even if I would have offered him, like, there's a part, you're a sketch, it's Michael McDonald's the star of the
Starting point is 01:28:08 sketch, you have to do a Afghani accent. He wouldn't do it. Yeah, right. Yeah, would you do it? If I could do accents, I would. I would, like, train. I would go on YouTube, I'd learn to do access. I'll do anything. That's why you and I
Starting point is 01:28:24 have more of a bond, I think. I think so. Yeah, yeah. That you're just willing to do anything. I'm in. I also said this the other day. I called him, I go, I just want to know if I'm crossing any boundaries, or you feel uncomfortable. He's like, do whatever you want to me.
Starting point is 01:28:39 Jesus Christ, Ramsey. Just like a little. Ramsey, he goes, do whatever you want to me. Ramsey goes, go harder. I said you can do whatever he wants to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't mind. I don't care.
Starting point is 01:28:51 You know what I mean? Bobby, I'm merely a series of holes. Yeah. Do you have integrity like that? I try to. You know, my, I feel like, like, my mom was like, dude, do whatever you want. She was, you know, she was like a servant.
Starting point is 01:29:07 So she's like, I don't care. Like, you have freedom. Go be free. But I'll post some sketches where it's like, you know, I pretended to be like a paraplegic who's like getting fake jerked off by his nurse. And my mom, I commented like, no. God, no. Turn this off.
Starting point is 01:29:22 This isn't funny. I don't like this at all. Yeah. It's in Arabic. Yeah. But can I make the argument that funny wins? Yeah. Always.
Starting point is 01:29:31 I've always felt that in any situation I'm funny wins no matter what I say you know but maybe I'm wrong maybe funny doesn't always win yeah I think ultimately whatever you want to do
Starting point is 01:29:45 you know I go off of that I don't have like super hard lines but I just feel my inside of me I'm like do I want to do this or do I not because I'll do an accent I do land sometimes and that's an accent so it's just sort of like I have to I have to feel it or so if bad friends did a movie
Starting point is 01:30:00 yeah and we wanted to do play a Lance like character at a club? Would you do it? Yeah, probably. Okay, yeah. If you said no,
Starting point is 01:30:09 it would be the last when we asked you for anything. Yeah, well, I mean. Yeah. In fact, we were in the car and we were, I remember in the underground comedy movie and the,
Starting point is 01:30:18 the scene and the, have you seen this? Oh, yeah. So I will, can we say it? Can we show it again or is it too dated? We've done it already.
Starting point is 01:30:26 I'll try to find it. No, we saw it. Yeah, it was a great thing. The whole movie and he had to kind of find the scene. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Girls, right? Yeah, with the girls.
Starting point is 01:30:35 So I want to tell you, I was doing Open Mites, I was probably 22, 23. And literally, three weeks in, the Shamawa guy shows up. Vinnie. He was in Montreal one year. I know. RIP.
Starting point is 01:30:48 What's his association with comedy? Nothing. Okay. He just happened to be at the La Jolla comedy store at Open Mike. Huh. Yeah, and he used to hang out there. Okay, so push pause.
Starting point is 01:31:00 Just for reference, yeah. Okay, push pause. Pause. Push pause. Yeah. So, Vita. Great way to pause.
Starting point is 01:31:06 Yeah. Yeah. Everyone's listen. Everyone's mics are on so you can hear it. Okay. So he goes, he saw me
Starting point is 01:31:14 to open mic. I had like you two minutes of material. Yeah. And he goes, you want to be a movie star? It felt, yeah,
Starting point is 01:31:23 it felt very like, you know, massage agent and he, yeah. Or it sounds like something you hear before you have to suck a dick. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:31:29 Sleezy Hollywood. You want to be a movie star? Yeah. Or something like that. Yeah, yeah. And I go, yes, sir. You know what I mean? Because I knew, because I had, I would watch television.
Starting point is 01:31:37 I knew who he was. Oh, for sure. You're the Shyam. Was he wearing the headset? The headset. No, but you could tell he was the sham wall guy. Huge deal. Yeah, yeah, it's a huge deal for me.
Starting point is 01:31:46 I've never met, aside from Pauly Shore and Carlos Mancia, I had never met a celebrity. Yeah. Okay. So I'm like, oh, my God. What movie? He's like, you're, you're going to speak in it, but we're going to dub your voice. Like, like, you know what I mean? And it's very stereotypical.
Starting point is 01:32:06 And it's not really that, you know what I mean? You're not going to like it. You just told you right away. That's pretty bold. They tell you it's stereotypical. It's really racist. And it's like, so I can understand. Because back then I still was like, I was like, what's up, dude?
Starting point is 01:32:20 I was like a San Diego guy. I sounded more like a beach guy. I listened to Fugazi. I was just kind of like that. I don't really know much about Asia or whatever. You know, I grew up in suburbs. You know what I mean? Skating, you know.
Starting point is 01:32:31 and stuff like that. So, you know, this opportunity so I came to North Hollywood and I filmed this beautiful piece of action. I was an open marker. Sure. It made me do it. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 01:32:42 I got no money. How many days of shooting was that? A day. For the movie? All day. It's just one scene. It's a sketch show. So it was like,
Starting point is 01:32:49 we would do a sketch a day. And I remember driving back to San Diego going, I already ruined my career. Oh. Oh, you felt bad. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's over.
Starting point is 01:32:59 So why'd you do it if you felt that? on the car ride to San Diego. Back. Yeah, yeah. After I did it. Oh, did you think, did you think it was going to be something different? I didn't know what it was.
Starting point is 01:33:09 Yeah, but it sounded like opportunity. It sounded like opportunity. You know who else is in it? Michael Clark Duncan. Whoa. Yeah, Michael is in it. I mean, there's so many people in it. So I'm like,
Starting point is 01:33:20 Slash is in it. Wait, he gave you $0. I'm 50 bucks, maybe. Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, he's saying, I got Michael Clark Duncan, slash.
Starting point is 01:33:29 And in my mind, I'm like, Oh, you know what I mean? Now watching it now, you know what I mean? It's like, oh my God. How terrible is it? Yeah, that's, but it's not the end. You know what I mean? Like, obviously.
Starting point is 01:33:42 What I mean? It's at the end. Well, like, you feeling that bad that's nice to know that you're fine. I'm flourishing. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, it didn't hurt you. It felt so real in that moment. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:33:52 Yeah. Drop in the bucket. Like, it's literally just doesn't matter at this point. Yeah. Yeah, three years, four years after that, I got mad TV. Yeah. No one knew about that. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:34:01 You know what I mean? But there was no internet, too. He goes, I have a sketch idea. I just rip it up. Yeah, yeah. But, you know, you do things in your career that you're not proud of. Yeah. And, you know, if I had to take it back,
Starting point is 01:34:17 I don't think that that had any connection with me getting mad and movies and all that stuff. It's just a part of my history where I could have gone, no, dude. Yeah. That did not help me. Yeah. You know what I mean? I think it's your 20s, though. You just do a bunch of stuff.
Starting point is 01:34:31 You find out you can't really be... Dude, you're talking about 1997, 98. You know what I mean? I mean, this is a long time ago. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you wouldn't even recognize my body there. No, dude, you look great.
Starting point is 01:34:45 I do. I was waiting for you to enter. When that guy was on that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I was like, whoa, too. Yeah, I was like thin and, you know, and I believe that if that kid, you know, had the jokes I have now,
Starting point is 01:34:58 and I was that funny, but in this time, period 2006, that I would have done very well for myself. Yeah. I think so too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had to survive that kind of racism in Hollywood. Sure.
Starting point is 01:35:10 Where those are the kind of parts I was offered. I think about the generation before me, like Maz and Ahmed Ahmed Ahmed and stuff like that. Yeah. Like what they had to navigate, it's tough because we have the luxury of social media now where we could be a little more nuanced. But the stuff that they had to do or the rules that were afforded to them aren't, we have a better opportunity now. Aside from Bobby offering you that.
Starting point is 01:35:31 that thing in the closet. Were there any other offensive things for him that you were offered that you felt like were, you know, crossing some type of a line? I think my agents knew what I wanted to do and what I didn't want to do. So I just, I made those boundaries again. You're like, I don't want to go out for this type of stuff. I don't want to be the terrorist in homeland or whatever. What does that do for me as a comedian? No one's going to be like, oh, that guy was scary on FX. Let's go see him this weekend. At the funny bone. The guy who almost blew up America on on CSI. Let's see the softer side of him.
Starting point is 01:36:06 Let's see where they don't put eyeliner on him. And I vowed never do an Asian accent again. Really? Yeah, about John, I was talking to John Choney, he goes, I've never done one. And I go, you know what, I'm done. And this last year, I've done two.
Starting point is 01:36:22 I think it's case by case. When I was younger, I'm a whore. We have this conversation every year. Every year. We have this conversation. And is there an Asian accent? You have to do one.
Starting point is 01:36:34 Okay. Yes, a master. Yes, I'm master. This end up to a pretty big Netflix movie, the vampire one. You said, I'm not doing it. Oh, that one I did. Yeah, I had a big part in a Netflix movie where I had to do a thick. I'll tell you why.
Starting point is 01:36:50 Because in that role, he didn't have to have one. He was just some guy in L.A. that sold weapons. You know what I mean? So I'm like, why does he have to? he's like, director, that's just my vision. Yeah. I wouldn't have a thick Korean accent. Oh, weird.
Starting point is 01:37:03 And I go, yeah, but if I'm a Korean dude, you know what I mean, because, you know, dumbfounded and all these kids that I know that grew up in that town, they talk like me. Yeah, yeah. So why can't he be that? He's like, no, Asian accent. And I just said, I can't do it. You also were Chinese man.
Starting point is 01:37:19 Chinese man, yeah, yeah. So I play Chinese man a lot, a lot, dude. Yeah, yeah, I'm really good at that. Michael Clark Duncan played gay virgin. Gay virgin. Yeah, yeah. Slash was as host. Any other names in there that we know?
Starting point is 01:37:32 KKK.K. It could have been worse. Vind's offer played JJ Cool. That definitely is not going to be racially sensitive. I know Michael Wilson. And as gay, man. Is gay virgin? Wow. That's gay virgin, yeah. Transvestite.
Starting point is 01:37:45 I don't even think you can say that anymore. Karen Black is a name. Oh, this is a lawsuits. You know movies is good when it's got lawsuits. Ramsey, read the New York Times Review. Where's the New York Times Review? Where is it at? Okay, let's see. The New York Times offered a scathing review.
Starting point is 01:37:58 describing the movie as a series of, quote, a series of sketches built around subjects like masturbation, defecation, alienation, urination, necrophilia, voyeurism, casual brutality, and mockery of the unfortunate. Yo, bars. That makes me want to see the movie. I know. I'm like, whoa, that's good. Sometimes you're like, this might be art.
Starting point is 01:38:18 I would put that on the poster of the film. Crazy, dude. That's so bad. Anyway. Fairley Brothers were on there? Anyway. Part of the lawsuit. Anyway.
Starting point is 01:38:29 Oh, I see. Yeah. So it's good to have ethics, is my point, I think. Yeah. I'm less hard-lined on it now. I'll do it next. Sometimes I did if the opportunity was big enough. I did that Tina Fey movie back in the day,
Starting point is 01:38:40 Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, where I'd play this Afghan guy. And I'm like, okay, he lives in Afghanistan. He hasn't. It makes sense from to have an accent. I have it. Yeah, okay, good. And the people involved, there's like, Lorne Michaels producing and Tina Faye's in it, Alfred Molina.
Starting point is 01:38:53 I'm like, this is too big of an opportunity to have these hard lines. Yeah, but no to match, I get it. I know. If I could go back in time, I would be in the closet. Yeah, yeah. All right, what are you promoting? Oh, it's my special on YouTube.
Starting point is 01:39:08 Yeah. Is it out? It's out. It's called intrusive thoughts. It's on my YouTube channel. Yeah, I'm proud of it, but time to move on. It's really good. I love all the clips in some of coming in.
Starting point is 01:39:17 Well, that's the other thing too, is now I just got to clip it up for social. So it's almost like... So you do it in the main room? I did in the main room, yeah. Yeah. How many cameras you use? Four? Maybe four or five?
Starting point is 01:39:28 How many shows did you do? Two? One. I wasn't even, this wasn't even going to be the special was on accident because Allie Wong
Starting point is 01:39:34 was going to maybe shoot mine and have her and produce it because I was opening for her for a while and I'm like, oh, let's,
Starting point is 01:39:41 if I could get the Shang Wang treatment that'd be awesome because Shang was opening for a while and then we were trying to do that and then at the end of my tour
Starting point is 01:39:48 I had this on the books and I go, I like the room and let me just shoot it just in case that falls through because Hollywood shit doesn't always work out. Did that fall through?
Starting point is 01:39:57 It fell through. So I was so lucky that I had this. Wait, wait, Netflix said no to it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think, yeah. But you were in the party? I was Hassan's plus one. I wasn't even a real,
Starting point is 01:40:09 Hassan hit me up the day before. He's like, you want to go to this thing? I go, I don't know. I don't want to seem like I scaled a fence to be at this party. And he goes, no, I brought Prashant last time. It's not a big deal. A bunch of plus ones come. I'm like, all right.
Starting point is 01:40:21 You got in a photo, though. I didn't want to. Jeff Ross. He's like, get in this thing. Uh-oh. And they let you through? I guess. I didn't want to get in the photo,
Starting point is 01:40:29 but then Jeff Ross is like, this is one of those things. He goes, you should be in this. Yeah, and let me say something. No one, I just found out that you were a plus one.
Starting point is 01:40:37 Well, thanks. So in my mind, I'm like, my next special is going to be called plus one. Yeah. In my mind, I'm like, oh yeah,
Starting point is 01:40:43 that's nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He said he wouldn't go. I wouldn't go. No, I feel as a plus one. I feel too uncomfortable. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:40:51 Would you go as a plus one? That's integrity. No, I don't think I would. Yeah, I'd go out. It's actually not integrity. I don't think that. Where are you? I think it's fear. Yeah, where is?
Starting point is 01:40:57 Oh, I'm next to Norman in the back. Caroline Ray. Arms around Ted Ferrandos. Wait, wait, let me see. That'd be funny. I'm in the front with Eddie Murphy. Is Eddie Murphy and Seinfeld? I got to find out.
Starting point is 01:41:09 Get Zune. A better photo. This one's two. These photos always. No, you could see me there in the back. Yeah, there he is. Just zoom out on. Here, purser to the left.
Starting point is 01:41:16 Person to the left. Dude, if Iran hit. You can see Mark Norman. Oh, here. Yeah. Oh, there you are. Next, Caroline Ray and Mark Norman. This genuinely feels like a national security threat to me.
Starting point is 01:41:25 Here's the thing, though. I didn't want to know this. Jeff Ross was like, yo, you should be in this. And then when I was at the photo, there were some comics where I'm like, I could be here. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? 100%. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:41:37 100%. 100, dude. We're not going to name those people, but 100%. Of David Ledman's here. I'm here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, seriously, if next year I get invited and I'm like, hey, you want to come, you wouldn't go. No.
Starting point is 01:41:49 Wow, that's good. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think I would go either. I can't do it. Well, I mean, you should go. If I'm, if I was a plus one, I couldn't do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:41:58 Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's just my thing. Totally. There's no way. I was trying to do that, but then Hassan, like, twisted my arm. He's like, it's not a big deal, dude, come. I think we're wrong. I think you're right.
Starting point is 01:42:08 I think you're right. I think you're right. But also, they're not you. Yes, correct. Yeah, yeah, yeah, also correct. You should have been invited. Right. Other people should have said, no.
Starting point is 01:42:15 Look, it's their own taste. It's their own party. if they don't see me as a non-plus-one, they don't see me as a non-plus-one. And I'm not trying to do this Instagram thing of like, I'm going to post that photo. I'm not trying to juice the optics of this thing. My friend asked me to hang out,
Starting point is 01:42:30 and I tried to get out of it. The funny thing is if you posted it, no one would care or question it. I guess. But my soul couldn't let me do that. I couldn't be like, what an amazing time at the Netflix brunch. Thanks, Ted.
Starting point is 01:42:40 I didn't post anything. Yeah. You never post anything, though. I know, but I wouldn't post it. And I'll tell you why, okay? It's, I have a real resentment toward legacy media and the elites. I'm with you. In Hollywood.
Starting point is 01:42:55 I'm with you. Yeah. Right. And they pick who they pick. And it's not based on humor. It's not based on the streets. Fan base. Right?
Starting point is 01:43:04 Yeah. It's based on anything. It's arbitrary and it's who's in the club. Yep. Yeah. It's a country club. It's a country club. And I love how.
Starting point is 01:43:11 It's very elitist. The internet has blown that up and I love it. I love it too. I'm way further along in my career now than trying to play the way Hollywood used to be back in the day. And I tried to play it and sometimes I got in. Sometimes. I got it?
Starting point is 01:43:24 You know what I couldn't believe it. But you didn't realize how rigged it was until you see what's happening now with like how much you're flourishing online and people just like who they like. Yeah. I should have been, you know, there was always like a top five for a movie. Jimmy O Yang, Ken Jung, Ronnie Chang. I was fifth. Every movie.
Starting point is 01:43:43 So four people would have had to have said no for me to get it. And that's hence the Asian accent. Oh. Well, back in the day, you couldn't even get in front of people unless the Comedy Central guy liked you. There was no phones. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So if the gatekeeper didn't like you,
Starting point is 01:44:02 no one would ever see you except you at a club or something. Right. Allison Jones was the only gatekeeper that liked me. And I have to say that out loud. Most every movie, Hollywood movie I ever did or television that's worth anything was worth. through Allison Jones. And she's,
Starting point is 01:44:21 in Apatow and Larry David. Yeah, amazing casting director. Those were huge. She's, she also, and I, she also believed in, in me.
Starting point is 01:44:29 And so it's like, without her, I would have never gotten anything. I think Mad TV had gotten on my own, but other than that, you know what I mean, it was Allison. But,
Starting point is 01:44:37 but now it's like, and I could already tell who, you know, I just wasn't in fully. And so now, what internet happened, I was just like, me and Andrew both,
Starting point is 01:44:47 Andrew Phillips is the same way. I could speak on his behalf, that we didn't get in, and we have a little bit of chip out on our shoulders, and now we're doing our own thing. That's also encouraging, just like the failure thing, where it's like you see carving your own way works out. You know, if like stand on what you believe in, what you like to do, what's funny. Yeah. I'm also old, and I've been in it. I survived every 30 years plus end. I'm 55 almost.
Starting point is 01:45:14 Do you believe it? No. That's crazy. I could die. You know? I love Anyway. I love what we meet.
Starting point is 01:45:19 Thanks for coming out, everybody. You know? You're on a list, dude, on IMDB, so that's important. Behemus? You. Where are you at, Bobby? What is he? Look, John Cho.
Starting point is 01:45:30 You're showing him the wrong part of the list. This is just like a user-generated list. Yeah, that's real, man. Bobby Lee 12. Well, come on, dude. You're above. Daniel, take him, man. Wow.
Starting point is 01:45:39 Yeah, but he's not going to look who he's above. He wants to see who he's below. No, let's see what's below. Justin John. Rexley. B. B. That's classic.
Starting point is 01:45:47 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, good, good. Yeah, you do. Who's ahead of me, though? That's what I want to know. Yeah, to be. Randall's ahead. Ken Long?
Starting point is 01:45:54 Ken Long's great, though. Yeah, he was in Project Calamari. Pull up top 20 Afghan American stand-up comedian. The Hema's first five. Yeah, yeah, pull it up. No, there's... I don't know that's the list. Okay, yeah.
Starting point is 01:46:07 If I've been top 12, I'm a little further in the beginning. These are Koreans, specifically? Where's the Asians? Oh, yeah. Perry Chan, John's just want to... Where's Stephen Yun? Yeah, what the hell? This is on IMDB, too.
Starting point is 01:46:20 I was 14 years ago. Oh, damn. Well, this might be shifted now. That's 14 years ago! Wait, but hold on, Bobby. Your star has only risen even more in 14. You might be one now. You'd be at least in the top five.
Starting point is 01:46:33 And you know what? Don't even look it up. I don't even want to fucking see it. Don't even look it up. I already know. I'm 12. I felt good about that. Hold on to that.
Starting point is 01:46:40 Hold on to 12. Yeah, yeah. I think you're hired out. That's my, my... I'll tell you why I'm not higher. Tell me. There's this thing called the Golden Gala event. You get invited, don't lie.
Starting point is 01:46:49 I did. Yeah. And I was going to go. And I asked, all right, me plus my girlfriend, and they go, you don't get to bring a guest. Oh, shit. So I said, all right, I'm not going. Yeah, nice. You don't get to bring a power move.
Starting point is 01:47:03 Are you kidding me? Yeah, because I've been there before and I go, oh, there's John Cho's wife. Yeah. Or whatever. Right? I don't get to bring a guest. Okay. She got invited, though.
Starting point is 01:47:12 Who? John Cho's wife. She got an individual interest. Yeah, she's a producer. That's true. It doesn't matter how my plus one is invited. I agree. I agree.
Starting point is 01:47:20 And I had been there before, and what they do is they put the old, in their eyes, the older ones in the back. Elders. It's me, Marker Cho, you know what I mean? Just sitting in the back there. You know what I mean? When you look in the front of the tables. Who's in the front? It's cherry cola.
Starting point is 01:47:40 Ronnie Chang? Yeah, Ronnie Chang. Aquafina. Yeah, John, Stephen You and Michelle Yoo and Michelle Yao. They're all in the front. Yeah. I mean, I'm in crickets. And I still go, I get it, right?
Starting point is 01:47:52 But I found it a little offensive. I always need a war, too, right? Because my war with other things, I've won it. I win every wars. And just to let you guys know, you have to win every war. If it takes 10 years. Yeah. 20 years.
Starting point is 01:48:10 Do you hear that, Trevor Wallace? You're restarting it? You're re-ignarting it. I didn't win this one. Yeah, yeah, restock the war, dude. So it's fifth home. I got Ivy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:48:22 And so your war with this person, sure, is I'm on your side on this war. Thank you. I recently saw this person a week ago. Unfortunately, I gave him the biggest hug one can give. That's fine, you know. I'll go, okay, yeah. I did her head rub. Oh, wow.
Starting point is 01:48:41 Yeah, because he's no longer in the business. Or, yeah. My only thing is, he was saying. bad things about me that weren't true. They're not true. And all comics know that they're not nice. But it just sucks when you're not there to defend yourself. You go, okay, I guess these lies are just being
Starting point is 01:48:57 spread and you can't do anything about it. And I guess if they're out of the business, then you won. You already won. I guess, yeah. You took them out. Thinking about them. Does you know? I don't think about them every day or anything like that. But I just like, oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. We all have those. I have a big war. My mom, when she was a servant, when she was poor in Morocco,
Starting point is 01:49:13 she helped two white travelers that were hitchhiking. and she helped them find shelter and took care of them and then took them to the bus they were trying to get to go to Algeria and the guy in the group was like, hit me up if you ever need anything, if you ever come out to Canada and he wrote down his name and his number and it's James Cameron.
Starting point is 01:49:30 Are you kidding me? I swear to God. And you gotta use that. Your mom has James Cameron's number? Well, his old number before he was famous. This was like the 70s. Wow. You could be a Navi.
Starting point is 01:49:43 She hit him up. She was like, Please, my son, he's doing acting. You? Yeah. And he never put you in anything? Dude, this is crazy. This is crazy.
Starting point is 01:49:52 Yeah. Yeah. She sent me a photo of his number. She's like, I told you I wasn't lying. And it's like in her book. It's just random numbers. That's proof thing. There's also a lot of James Cameron's in the world.
Starting point is 01:50:03 No, she actually, her friend was a PI and found out that it was James Cameron. Oh, I see. I see. And that friend died in her sleep. Whoa. She got too close. Yeah. But at that point, this is pretty.
Starting point is 01:50:15 Terminator. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, what would you play in that movie as a kid? Well, no, no. She did it, I think, when I started like comedy. So this is probably like early Avatar, maybe, or no? Yeah, so he had already made it. Yeah. So then use the number. She reached out to him. Oh, and he never responded. He never responded.
Starting point is 01:50:34 Oh, I see. So you have a beef with James Cameron. Yeah. Oh, okay. I can't let it go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't let it go. Well, James, if you're listening, we know you're listening. We know you're listening. We know you're listening. We could have left you for dead at that bus stop in Casablanca, but no. Yeah. And this was so, when 2018, when I happened, the Casablanco thing?
Starting point is 01:50:53 What, when he, when my mom helped him? Yeah. I was like in the 70s. He was like a traveling stoner. I don't get what you're saying. He was hitchhiking as like a 20-sent. So in the 70s, your mom called him, but he had never done movies. No, no, no, in the 70s.
Starting point is 01:51:05 Get your story right. I don't understand your story. You guys understand the beginning. Okay. Are you understanding the story? A little bit. No, no, no. No, no.
Starting point is 01:51:11 Okay. Okay, tell me the story. So this guy was backpacking across Morocco. In the 70s. In the 70s. He was stranded. He needed help. Zach's Moroccan mother helped him.
Starting point is 01:51:23 And he said, if I can do anything for you, if you ever come to Canada, here's my phone number, call me. And so Zach's mother reached out when Zach started comedy and said... This is years later. You think he has the same number? No, no, no. But she found the address. She wrote him a letter. You know?
Starting point is 01:51:40 Wow. You think he reads that? Who knows? he gets a billion fan letters Yeah he should still read it I don't know Are people sending that many letters these days To James Cameron?
Starting point is 01:51:50 Letters like handwritten letters Bob are you taking James Cameron side? Look I get it Over Zach Chaloney Who you I get it's a ride Over a ride But you know what
Starting point is 01:52:00 No he stayed with them He stayed in their home They fed him That changes things That does change things Yeah Yeah so James if you're listening Their son
Starting point is 01:52:10 He's on my podcast right now He demands some lines. Turn me blue. No, no, no, we're not turning your blue. No, no, no, I'm not going to gas. No, no, no, no, no, we're going to put you in a reboot of Terminator or... Ooh. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:52:25 I could do that. Yeah, or the Abyss. Oh, yeah. Yeah, part two. You can play water creature. I don't know. I'm just a blob. I'm an orb.
Starting point is 01:52:34 Yeah, yeah, yeah. You'll be an orb. Who was it a big director? Was it a commercial you did? It was like Cameron, like? No, we already We resolved that. And I'll tell you what happened.
Starting point is 01:52:45 I'm not going to tell you who it is. I'm not going to tell you who it is. Yeah, because I want to spring it. We're good now. All right. Okay. That person, I went to his house for Thanksgiving. Whoa.
Starting point is 01:52:55 I know who it is now. Yeah. And we ate dinner with his mother, his fiance and a couple of his friends, and I had Thanksgiving at his house. That's it. That's pretty amazing. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:53:06 And you might have a lot. I don't even know who it is. Yeah, yeah, no. Beat that with Cameron. Oh. Yeah, I got to get Thanksgiving dinner. One day you're going to have Thanksgiving dinner at James Cameron's. He'll be dead, but James Cameron's house.
Starting point is 01:53:18 With his hologram. He's a state with his hologram. The AI robot that has his consciousness will be eating with you. Yeah, he's like, help me up the stairs. Zach, you want to plug anything or? Yeah, just follow my socials. Yeah, he's an open micer and he does. No, I'm kidding.
Starting point is 01:53:32 I was in the last scene of Shameless. Yeah, he works at the store. Speaking part. You still work at the store? That's awesome. No, I'm a paid regular now, Bobby. We got passed roughly together. When did he get paid?
Starting point is 01:53:41 He got past probably like, I'd say five months before me or something. Congratulations. I did not know that. Did I congratulate you? Don't get angry. Yeah, I don't have a fucking list or, you know. I got bigger fish to fry, dude. I'm going after James Cameron right now.
Starting point is 01:53:55 We're good, Bobby. All right. Anything to plug? June 13th comedy store. Please come to my show. 730 belly room. We got Craig Conan, Esther Paviski, me. It'll be a fun time.
Starting point is 01:54:04 Okay. Special. Behim Anwar. What's it called? Intrusive thoughts. Intrusive thoughts. Give, Jim, give, give, uh, for him a round of a blog.
Starting point is 01:54:11 Yep.

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