TigerBelly - Fortune Feimster & Woman of the Night

Episode Date: May 14, 2025

Comedian Fortune Feimster joins us for the first time, and Bobo creates more wars. We chat star manifesting, lesbian soldiers, horny foods, Christian vibes, feverish gums, and the importance of “leave’n no tweet’n.” Start paying rent through Bilt and take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to www.joinbilt.com/belly. That’s www.joinbilt.com/belly. Make sure to use our URL so they know we sent you: www.joinbilt.com/belly, to sign up for Bilt today. Download the app today and use code BELLY to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup! That’s code BELLY to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup! PrizePicks Run Your Game

What is up sleepers? Flatface here reminding you to pre-order your Tiger Belly 500 merch. The pre-order window is about to close so this is your last call. We've got hoodies, we've got tees, we got a brand new trucker hat, we've got a very special collectible item that we will never make again. Our first official Tiger Belly Bobby Lee Garage Band Loop cassette tape with a downloadable link. If you want to experience some of the music that Bobby makes, make sure you pre-order that now. You can do all this at sleptkingdom.com. Enjoy the show. You know, you really made it. I think in this business.

I made it, Bobby. Yeah, yeah. I want to hear all the stories. Are you playing me a love song? He's not ready. What? What did you say? He's very good at it. Did you bring me here to turn me straight?

Is this an intervention? Can you please be straight? So we can date. Woohoo! Forever. Forever. Fortune Feature, ladies and gentlemen, give her a round of applause everybody. This is a long time coming because we've had you booked a couple of times, right?

And because of schedule and call things and my... Your lack of commitment. No, no, no, that's not what it is. and because of schedule and call fix and my... Your lack of commitment. No, no, no, that's not what it is. No, just my crazy schedule, you know, but I'm so glad that you came today. I'm so happy to be here. Yeah, and this is a long time coming and I've always been a very big fan.

I have some gripes that I have towards you, like I always do. We'll get into it. But it's not your fault. Okay. I didn't do anything. You didn't into it, but it's not your fault. Okay You didn't do anything wrong. You were just being funny. Okay and being your true authentic self. I can handle that. Okay. Well one time We're getting right I have to get out these things first, you know, I mean because it's all in my own head Yeah, and you did nothing wrong. Okay, you're just being funny

Okay, and you okay, and I you were just being funny okay and you okay and I was being not me okay so we're doing Chelsea lately uh-huh okay oh wow this goes back it goes back back back been holding on to this for a Vietnam Vietnam Vietnam and so I was doing and I had a joke bomb so hard you weren't there okay yeah right so they right? So they go, you know how Chelsea lately works is that everybody has a joke. Yeah. I did mine third, it got nothing in the thing, right?

And then out of nowhere, Chelsea goes, here's Fortune Febster. You came out with a hula hoop. Oh yeah. You remember that? That's a real crowd pleaser. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and you were crushing. You crushing. The laugh that you got, right, and the cheer is what I thought I was gonna get from the joke.

Right. And I got nothing, and then when you did that, I kind of side-eyed you like this, and I literally thought, I think my career's over. From that one moment. Yeah, this is the bottom of me, you hear me? I was so happy for your success. Thank you.

Your show just funny and likable and the whole thing and you're doing big shit now. I'm doing some fun cool things. You work with Arnold Schwarzenegger. Yeah. Did I say that right? I think so. We'll just dub it AI. AI it. And then you know who else have you worked with since then? Will Farrell or no? Yeah well I was tiny, tiny part in his latest movie. Some of my scenes got cut, you know, it happens all the time, but he's awesome. Yeah, I'm on tour. Amazing. Doing some really cool theaters and just put up my third hour on Netflix.

Oh, my God. So, yeah, cool stuff. You're you're on the top of your game. I've I've I've very happy with, you know, where things have headed. I've been out here 21 years. Yeah, I remember when you were young. Yeah, when I was a baby. Yeah, and we knew then though. We knew then! We knew then she was going to be a thing. I met you at the store probably around 2007. 2007, right? And then when did you become a regular there? 2010. 2010.

So you did like friends and family and all that stuff? Yeah, I started in the Belly Room. Adam Barnhart shows. With my ex. With Sarah Hyland, yeah. We both did it every Sunday night. That's right. For like a year.

Was I dating her then? You guys were not together. We had been together? Yo, had dated. Had dated dated had dated when you did that yeah, yeah, yeah, oh Man, she's not a lesbian. I know yeah, it happens. Yeah, does that happen often after? I'll be my sixth one I don't know if it's a sign yet or a problem. You know I mean you know I mean But they I always feel that women think that I'm feminine in some ways. Yeah?

Yeah, I mean, you know, they think that maybe my penis could be a clit. I don't know what it is. I do think I've seen your pubes more than any man's. Really? Ever. Yeah. Just on stage. What an honor. Wow. Yeah, based on you've seen, is it good pubes? I mean, sure. Yeah. Are yours curly um

Another they're regular they don't currently just shoot straight out. Yeah, wow Generally currently Thank you. How do you know? How do you know? Have you seen? Yeah, a do you know? Yeah, have you seen Bobby's? Yeah. I've seen it, yeah. A lot of people have, because you're always whipping it out on stage.

You know what it is? It's an old habit that's not good. Yeah. There's certain habits that I do on stage. When I do them, I feel guilty, like, oh my God, you've been doing this for 30 years. Stop this. Is it real? That's a crowd pleaser too.

Yeah, I'm going to... Hooloo, pubes. Yeah, I have the pubes. Yeah, yeah. Can I ask you a personal question? Because I don't think you get asked these questions. Is it more personal than my pubes? It's in the same region of it.

And if you, how about this? We'll do a code word. Can we come up with a code word where you're like, it's too uncomfortable? You come up with a code word where you're like it's too uncomfortable? Okay, sure. You come up with a code word. Kitty cat. Kitty cat, okay. Kitty cat, kitty cat, kitty cat, right?

Do you shave your hair? You gotta just trim it up. You trim it up? Yeah, but I need something down there. Oh, you need something down there? Yeah, yeah. Is it trimmed to like a design or? Oh yeah, it's a star.

Oh, that's what it is. You're manifesting through your pubes. Five sides. Right, right, right. Cause I have a star on my butt, you know? Oh, he does. I'll just show you briefly. You have one on your face right now.

I know. I knew I was gonna see something of you. Oh yeah. It's kind of forever. And I think it's a manifestation. Yeah, that you're a star? Yeah, because I got this. Once I got this, I booked something.

Oh. Look how simpatico we are. Star down there. Yeah, yeah. Star over there. Then I got one on my ass, I booked something. I should get more stars. Maybe I'll be like Ken Jeong or something.

Yeah. Maybe. Hosting five shows. I have stars all over my face. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah. You can't hire you, you have too many tattoos. Yeah.

Right, right, right. But do you prefer acting over stand up and podcasting and all that? What a transition. No, I mean, I felt like, okay, I felt like there was a kitty cat, you know what I mean, that you were gonna say. You didn't?

Oh, maybe I did, did I overly commit to it? No, I used to commit it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like them both, cause you know, you get tired of one, I love stand up, but the travel's daunting. And then after like, I most my tours are like a year and a half I do a hundred cities 150 shows oh my god so then I want to pivot so then a pivot yeah I didn't I film foobar the show with Arnold for like five months in

Toronto what's he like he's great he's super cool you would say good morning to you oh yeah he's a very personal guy very motivational shaking hand oh really What's he like? He's great. He's super cool. You would say good morning to you? Oh, yeah He's a very personal guy very motivational shaking hand. Oh really? Yeah, we went on bike rides you and Arnold Yeah, me and some of the cast. Wow. I've been in his house a bunch. Wow Cigars with him. I've been to Oktoberfest with him in Munich. Wow Wow, he's cool. I've never hung out with anyone that big I'm sure you have. The only one I know is you. Chelsea Handler. No, I know some big... I know. But I've always wanted to like maybe hang out with Randy Quaid or you know what I mean? Randy Quaid. Or Nick Norris. Oh yeah, Bert and I filmed a thing with Arnold.

Oh wow. When he was doing the machine. Yeah. Because he's older now, how old is Arnold you think? He's almost 80. Wow. 79, yeah. Do you think in a MMA match you'd be able to beat him?

No. Oh no, he would, he's very, look at those guns are still. Yeah, but is it all? I could probably outrun them at this point Oh, I see what that picture looks like he's Yeah, no he's so fun we he likes comedians, so we joke around a lot. Oh he does yeah Yeah, he was like besties with Milton Berle back in the day Yeah, he's a true Hollywood star.

And what's Will like? I've never met him either. Awesome. Super nice. As funny as you would think. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's hard to have a real conversation with him because even when he's being sincere,

you want to start laughing. Because he commits so hard to everything that you're like, is this a bit? Oh, Will? Yeah. Like at lunch or whatever? Yeah. We were at dinner one night. You had dinner with him too? Well, will? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like at lunch or whatever? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We were at dinner one night. You had dinner with them too? Well, it was like some of the cats. I've done some of that. And then, it was in this little lake town and like half the town showed up to this restaurant in the hotel and they're just like staring at them. And I'm like, you're not gonna be able

to get out of this restaurant. Like, people are gonna mob you. And he goes, watch this. And he got his cell phone out And I'm like you're not gonna be able to get out of this restaurant like wow we're gonna mob you and He goes watch this and he got his cell phone out, and he was like what's that what happened to the cat oh no Then he stands up, and he's like sorry. I thought something's wrong with the cat and everyone's like we hope the cat's okay That's a yeah, I do that malls. Do you do that? I've never done it, but it works like a charm. I mean, you like getting recognized? I mean, people are- people say hi to me all the time, because I have a very distinct look and beautiful face.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So when I'm- especially when I'm touring, people say hi like all day. But they're always super nice. Mine not so much. Oh, really? I have some aggros. They get aggressive with it. They get aggressive with it. Yeah, well you put out some stuff that could You put out some stuff. What do you mean?

You put out some, you put out some, an energy that could be. Oh I bring out chaos. Oh yeah Oh, so when you were at the con, you've always felt that from me? No, you are just eccentric. Where did you guys like, how, where did you guys meet? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on. Save that question. You are eccentric. No, no, no, that question. I did you guys like? Well, how well guys meet? Save that question you are eccentric. I just saw your asshole to two minutes Centric that you don't think that doctor see that all day All the patients eccentric so you're gonna you're gonna attract people that are like hey also like hey Bobby Let me show you my asshole Also, like, hey Bobby, let me show you my asshole. You like what I did? What you put out, you get.

All right, so I gotta put out Christian vibes. Then you'll get a lot of Bible-beaters. Have you ever been converted? No one's ever tried to convert me to Christianity. Evangelize you. Evangelize. I think they've been. Evangelize or evangelize?

Evangelize. Evangelize. I've been vagelized. Well, I'm from the South, so everyone's going to the South. But do you ever go, hey, can I talk to you about the Lord? I've had that happen, yeah. And do you listen? Back in the day, now I'm like, I'm busy.

I'm with Arnold Schwarzenegger. Yeah, Arnold's not going to get work out. That's when you pull out the phone. That's right. What? The cat? I'm with the cat. Well, so yeah, I think people just look at me and they go,

yeah, he's lost. Yeah, I could see that. No, I've had people, I'm with other people come up to my friend or whatever and go, can we talk about the Lord? But they won't even look my way. I want to know about the Lord. You know what I mean? But they won't do it. I think I'm too lost. Oh, they feel like you're not open to hearing about the Lord. They're like, we want to, but his asshole's out. Well, do you know about the Lord? I mean, I know of him. What do you know about the Lord? I'm familiar.

What do you know about the Lord? Tell me what you know about the Lord. I mean, I don't know. He didn't die for our sins. Yeah, that's good. Yeah, good. And then what else? Son of God. He's the son of God. Or he is God. He's the reason why we get Christmas presents.

That's true. That's another true thing. Yeah, yeah. And we eat cookies. That's when he was born. Excuse me? And we eat crackers. We eat crackers?

You say cookies or crackers? Crackers, cookies. It's all different. There's definitely different. Mm. But body parts. Fortune, I want to excuse him. No, it's OK. He's my sidekick. I love it. Sometimes Fortunately, I want to excuse him. Sorry.

No, it sounds good. He's my sidekick. And sometimes he'll just bust out bakery treats. Yeah. Randomly. I like treats though. Yeah, I know. But it's like, is that all you wanted to say about Jesus?

Do you have any questions? Oh, I had questions, but I'm going to let you finish. He was more... Do you have questions about Jesus or, or, for some reason? No, I know Jesus. Yeah, what are your questions? Yeah, tell us about, tell us about Jesus. What if suddenly we just start... us about Jesus my cousin and he's a gardener an old joke but a real truth you have a question for fortune no I mean for both of y'all. Yeah, give it to us. We know a lot of... I don't know anything, Fortune.

If you guys were able to switch an emotion for food, which emotion and what food would it be? I have no idea what that question is. Is it James Lipton? Is it James Lipton? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He wants to know. What is your favorite curse word?

So like... What do you mean like... Give us an example. Like forever? If you're horny, yeah. If you're... Um, what do you mean like... Give us an example. Like forever? Yeah, if you're horny, what food would it be? Oh, that's different.

Yeah, yeah, so... That's different. That's a different word. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that way different? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're just saying... Oh, so ask me first.

Horny? Bluechill. Promo code. Promo code. What's a promo code? Tiger belly. Tiger belly. Yeah, he might as well make some money. He might as well, yeah. Food.

Sex food. Like Starbucks. No, no, don't feed stuff into my head. I've got to think about it. But you're replacing the emotion with a food? Gravy. Because I don't know. That made you think of, yeah, I get it.

Think of what? You know. No, I don't know. I don't know. You don't want to say it, do you? Kitty cat. Yeah, I get it. Think of what? You know. No, I don't know. I don't know. You don't want to say it, do you? No. Kitty cat. Kitty cat. Oh, the kitty cat. Oh, yeah. Wait, why a brown gravy? Oh, brown. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Like a turkey gravy. Yeah, like a turkey gravy. Yeah. What is it? I don't know. God. It's a hard one. What a hard one. I didn't think of it. Let's go to happiness. Such hard hitting questions. Let's go joy.

Let's go joy. Instead of happiness. Yeah, joy for me would be. Crab rangoon. Really? Yeah. Wow. Those are so good.

Okay, mine is spaghetti bolognese. Really? Yeah. Give me another emotion. Depression. Oh, that's like a. Oh my God. I'm sorry.

That's a tough one. Something. Bourbon. I don't know. You keep relapsing. I'm going to relapse. No. What food? Delightful. I'm sorry. That's a tough one. Some of the facts. Burbin. I don't know. We keep relapsing.

I'm going to relapse. No. What food? Delightful. Delightful. What? The emotion. Delightful.

But give them time to answer. Now you're just bragging. Cake pops. I don't like this game. I don't like this game anymore. It sucks. It sucks because we've never thought about this. He's just bragging about how many emotions he has.

He's like just... Yeah. Oh, so he never thought about this. He's just bragging about how many emotions he has. He's like, just yeah. Also, he only knows five emotions. Trust me. He can go past five. Test him. How about this, let's play a game. We'll all go around to see what emotions, and we can't use the same one. So, Anne, go. Anxiety.

Stress. Joy. Sadness. Elated. stress okay joy go ahead oh sadness elate elated no rage oh that's a good one delightful he's ready yeah yeah. I'm wowed. Yeah. Can I go to another personal question? OK. And you can say kitty cat. OK.

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I Will you ever um Because I've known you for so long this is difficult, but I I don't know this about you so Did you always know that you were that? A lesbian no, I mean I want to say in a more political way. Oh like she was a comic? Yeah, did you always know? Um in hindsight for sure. Oh, I see but at the time at the time Absolutely not which is wild because I've had this haircut Yeah, yeah, I mean I'm so gay when I look back but I didn't come out till I was five. I was five. Really? Yeah. I mean, I'm so gay when I look back, but I didn't come out until I was 25.

Wow. Yeah. You didn't know until you were 25? I didn't. I think I knew subconsciously. Yeah. I had crushes on friends, but I just kind of, it was like a fantasy.

I didn't really picture it as me. Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I kind of pictured it as like somebody else liking them. It's weird, like a dissociation. Is it because you were upbringing? I think I was growing up in the South. I did not know a single out gay person. Wow. Oh, so it's so cute. See, they were trying to make me into a homemaker. Little oven kitchen situation. And you went out to your parents first?

I came out. I moved out here when I was 23, which is crazy that took me two years in LA to still not know. Wow. You were at the Abbey like, why am I doing it? I'm just looking for a nice guy. And yeah, I just started meeting gay people and that makes a difference. I watched the L word, that made my mind explode. Right, right, right, right. And then eventually just kinda came to terms with it.

So I came out to my roommates first in LA and spent six months just sort of getting comfortable with that. With that, yeah. And then told my family. And what was their response? Can I ask? My mom just was worried My life would be harder like, you know parents are already like life is hard. I don't want this to be another Hard, you know, I have to say something

It's like, you know people back when I started comic on it would have been easier if you were a white guy in the business And I would I don comedy going, it would have been easier if you were a white guy in the business. And I would, I don't think about that now. I think that being Korean and being exactly who I am is what helped me, propelled me through this business because I'm different. I'm, you know, there's no one out there like me, I don't think, you know?

And I think that's what people like, you know? And I think, you know, your sexuality and other things make you who you are. And I think it helped almost people like, you know, and I think you know your sexuality and other things make you who you are Yeah, I think it helped almost don't you think yeah, I mean, you know, it's funny cuz I Kind of fit right in with the male comics when I started. Hmm, maybe because there was no Question of like sex. We just got right to the friendship. Yeah. And they treated me kind of like one of the guys. Yeah.

So I felt like in comedy at least, it was a way to just sort of break some barriers that some of my straight female counterparts had a tougher time with. Well, I have to say that even for me, even if like any female comic, I always view them as just regular comics. I mean, I never really, I've never, aside from Sarah, but Sarah had just started and I knew her from something else. You know what I mean? So it's like, I think that's what, but I think Sarah was the only real comic that I ever dated. The rest of them, I've had female openers,

I just never had even a inkling, even attractive people, I just don't have it. I just view them as the same old, you know what it is? It's like you and I in Vietnam. If you're in the war with me. I don't think I would view like, oh there's Fortune, the lesbian com,

soldier next to me. Look at that lesbian. Look at that. The lesbian. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Fortune, the lesbian com- Soldier next to me. Look at that lesbian. Look at that. The lesbian. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This lesbian. And her pink bandana, like, enemy can see that, you know. Yeah.

But my point is that, like, I would view you more like, we're in this together. Yeah, which is how it should be, you know, like. Yeah, but I mean, but that's not the case with male comics. No. That really isn't. It's not, it's, you not. There's a lot of, and I see that happen, again with my straight female counterparts

have to deal with some of that, but I'm not, this has not been my journey. Right, right, right. Because I'm a lesbian. But yeah, I think, especially in today's time, being unique is celebrated. It's so good. It was a bit harder back when we first started

Yeah, so hard. We were like we don't know what to do with you. We that was the every yeah, or it would be like My I get this not they would look for a white guy or a black guy and then I was always other Oh really said I would show up at a lobby of an audition And there's like a nine foot Nigerian guy a Puerto Rican guy Who's four seven who was blind? You know I mean like they I was lumped into that I mean Brad Williams for some reason was there you know I mean and I'm like oh, I'm this is my this is my casting group And now it's like now it's more specifically like oh, there's Ronnie Chang or you know whatever But back then it was like other like freaks in their view.

Anyway, I want to talk about my own bullshit. But well, you know, it's like I work I work really hard. You know, there's not a lazy bone in my body. And I do all this stuff. So you want the people working, you know, at these agencies to work as hard as you do, you know, and meet you in the middle. So that everybody wins. That's the whole point is that they win, you win,

we all win. You all wanna win. Yeah. Ah, that's bad. It's lovely nights. Are you okay? Not really, but when I am on dates, I look for, can you put your arm out for a second?

Let's see, we're talking like this, right? Just two hands that close. Yeah, two positive, like this. Yeah. That's normal. Guess what our hands are, our hands are on the check. That's a normal. I got it, no I got it.

Yeah, no I got it. No I got it. And if a girl does this, like, laughs at something, it touches me, that's a real sign. That's nice, yeah. But if they don't touch you at all. It's tricky to know. You can't, you a real sign. That's nice, yeah. But if they don't touch you at all. It's tricky to know. You can't, you don't know.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. When I was single, I appreciated, if I liked a girl when she was forward, I liked that. Yeah. She just like, I like you or made a move or something. I was like, oh, thank God. Because I hated making the first move. Well, apps make it easier. Yeah, that's true the first move. Yeah. Well apps make it easier

Yeah, you were never in the app game though not really at match comm was around and I I wrote two girls and they were dating and Didn't tell each other that they were still on the app and I was like, I oh you were no Yeah, I was like, how did I only know two people and they're dating Wow Wow, I was like, I But they both thought you were hot. No, they both ended up just wanting to be friends with me. I was like, I got rejected by both of them. No, no, really?

Yeah. FriendZoned. FriendZoned. From a match.com. Oh my God. I think they were like fishing for something else and I wasn't it. So they were like, well, we can be friends.

I'm like, this is a dating app. Yeah, I know. So I matched with a girl on Raya, and you guys know this, but she goes, let's FaceTime. She's gorgeous. And on the FaceTime, she just said, her first thing was, listen, I'm not attracted to you.

She came out right away. Right off, in FaceTime. And I just wanna be friends. I wanna make that clear. Wow. That was her opening line. Okay. And then now I'm like, do I hang out? I friends. I want to make that clear. Wow. That was her opening line. Okay. And then now I'm like, do I hang up? I don't know what to do.

Yeah. Like an idiot. I stayed on for like 45 minutes. What's your life like? Yeah. Your parents are divorced. What's going on? You know what I mean? It was like 45 minutes of hell. Why did you do that to yourself? Yeah, you can't friend-zone a guy right away and expect him to want to pay attention yeah but I did like an idiot I mean okay well farewell I said like you know me farewell my friend there well yeah and

then I hung out with her one more time Wow yeah because she was shoot I'll tell you why though why can I tell you're hoping that she'd change your mind that your personality? Dude I think that's what it is You know because I'm charming you are I can be charming right so I'm with my charm Yeah, it's is. I was like, you know, because I'm charming. You are. I can be charming, right? So I'm like, my charm is gonna get to that. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. To the vagin.

I hope you said that to her. My charm is gonna get to your vag. No, but that's subconsciously in my mind. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. And so, or consciously, right? And so, but no, it was still friendly. Still friendly, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, anybody that's that bold, but no still friend friend. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah What anybody that's that bold right off the bat? Yeah, not being swayed. But then why go on a dating app? That's weird

Yeah, well, no, she's on there to meet the one to meet a guy not to be friends with but but what then what? I mean she thought you were cool and wanted to be friends with you Yeah, but it's like I have so many friends. I know, but you're famous. She wanted to, you know. You have a famous guy friend? A cool guy friend, yeah. Oh my God.

Your heart looks broken. It's so broken right now. No, because I don't know why I thought that my personality could win it or over. I think you're right about that. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I mean, we all knew that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean we all knew that

I was blind to it. Oh my god, but I love that you tried. Yeah, and then a couple of them also on Raya's I got make a read you with the real. Can you hook me up with Theo? Oh, yeah Man, these girls they're brutal. They are brutal Oh, no, I've had a I've smashed a lot. We got that. Right, right, so let's just get through out there. We hear you bud. I'm like, come on man, you know what I mean? I'm a winner dude, you know what I mean? But a couple of times I've had that, you know what I mean? Yeah, where they're like, hey, I'm not interested in you.

I'm interested in Theo, can you hook us up? I'm like, I just say, fuck off. Yeah, like what do they think you're gonna do? Do you want to meet in person maybe? I can charm you Can you get Theo on the phone? Yeah, it's you know, but um, he's like yeah, man But it's also it's like, you know, I love you is one of my best buddies in the world But you know, it's like why would I do would any guy do that? No, I don't think so guys. No, yeah

Would you would you do that if somebody hits you up on a dating app and said can you hook me up with Bobby? No Bobby Lee Ellen DeGeneres But with somebody you I think you'd be like it like if my say my I do this handsome podcast if Somebody wanted me to like hook them up with May I would I would maybe tell May but I don't know that I would be like, let me Give your phone number something. Oh, right. Right. Right. Right. Yeah. Well Andrew did one. Oh handsome. Yeah, I love TIG so much Oh, yeah, I don't know the what's that's me. Yeah. Yeah. She's very yeah. Yeah. I love TIG so much Well, Andrew today texted me a girl that direct messaged him

Going like I can't get on Raya, but I want to meet Bobby. That's nice I mean and then Andrew shot me over to her Instagram. Yeah, very attractive You know, I mean, so it's like my real bros Well, I think a taken bro would do that for a taken bro. It's okay with a taken bro doing it Yeah, but some with somebody that you with a taken bro doing it. Yeah, yeah. But with somebody that you're trying to meet saying it... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, because their egos like cruise a little bit. You're so lucky you're not in that. You're... I know. You're so lucky. It seems really hard out there. It's fun.

I'm sure, yeah. But here's the thing, I'll tell you, Fortune, and I hate being vulnerable on this podcast, as you know. Yeah. But we like it. Yeah. Wait, side question real quick. Does it have to do with emotions?

Bobby was in the zone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the worst time to interrupt me, dude. Bobby was like, eyes were like watering. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to forget it, but go ahead. No, go ahead. No, no, no, no.

Don't do that and do that. Do it now. No, go ahead. He's like, no, no, don't do that and do that. Do it now. No, go ahead. He's like, vulnerable like a hamburger to you? Like what's your emotion? No, it has something to do with it. Describe your emotion.

Describe your vulnerable. One food. No, you go ahead. I was going to say something, but. You should just say it, Jaime. Yeah, just say it, because I will say, I remember what I'm going to say. Be confident.

Be confident. I just forgot. Oh, OK, So the girls how they say, oh, can you get me through day one? Yeah And then you said fuck off And then you know, they have the audacity for those girls just to be like, oh you're just mad I hate when they say that. Oh, okay. Okay. No, no, no, we don't know number one I hate when they say that. Oh, okay, okay. You know what I'm talking about? No, no, no, we don't know. Number one. No, no, no, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Remember when you said that?

Wait. We don't know. Number one, we don't know. And number two, we don't care. No. Okay, but those girls were explaining. We don't even understand what the fuck you're saying. Bobby, Bobby, you remember when you said that?

No. Remember that time. Remember that time. Say that thing. Can you be clearer about what you're saying? I'm trying to. If you were confused. Yeah, go ahead. Okay. You said fuck off to that part.

I remember. I wrote it. Yeah. So that part I understand. Okay. Because I did that. Yeah. Okay.

And then that girl will be like, screenshot it and like post it on her story. And then it'd be like, oh, he's just mad because he couldn't get to me. No no no. Oh he doesn't actually say fuck off. I do. Oh you actually say fuck off. I believe if what's so funny about that it's so insulting. Fuck off. I thought you just didn't write it back. No no I say fuck off. Okay. So let me say something to you. Because girls my age they say oh you're just mad because you couldn't get it. I think that if everyone saw the context of what that was, right, that 99.9% of the people would back me up. Gotcha. That's rude.

Right. Right? It makes me feel ugly. There it is. Yeah, okay. And I know that I'm handsome. Back to the vulnerability. Okay, and now go ahead, we're going back to what I was gonna say.

Go back to it. And if you interrupt me again right now, I Think we're gonna have a problem. I'll put a piece of pizza. Tell me your emotions. No Anyway, um, sorry fortune there are there are Please oh I beg of you, please. Okay. I'm sorry. All right, don't see another word. I'm of you please. Okay I'm sorry. All right don't say another word I'm sorry any sound or anything. Okay. Even this? It was crazy. So there are times when um you just get lonely really and you feel kind of alone you know as comics we just generally feel that way you know I mean but you know I was in a relationship

with Kalyla and I miss her in many ways You know I mean because we had just you know Just when you're down and alone, you're just gonna be with someone that understands you right and it just seems to help Yeah, it's a comfort. It's a comfort You know me and and also I just feel like I don't know what happened But a lot of people are men and women are very delusional out there. You know, I mean About what they're bringing to the table. What are you laughing? I? Mean he's being vulnerable

Let's see what I mean is it weird is it weird that he's been vulnerable Is it weird that he's being vulnerable? Yeah. The way he's talking. The way he's being vulnerable. Me being vulnerable? Me being vulnerable? He's like, this is hilarious. No, it's because you just did like a Robert De Niro face.

No, it's just men and women. I went like this? See, that's Robert De Niro. No, I was just being vulnerable and it really hurts my feelings that you did that. No. Yeah, yeah. No, no, no, no. Don't blame Gilbert, dude.

He was making faces. No, no, he was not. I'm not laughing. No, he was. What the fuck are you talking about, dude? Play the camera back. What the fuck are you doing? He was making faces.

Stop, it's not about you, it's about her, dude. Yeah, no, but. Okay, but don't blame him. Stop. Okay, I'm so sorry for it with him. No, no, I'm involved in all the conversations. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, you know what's going on. I can multitask.

Right, right. And so, you know, I'm glad that you find... Are you gonna have children? No. Why not? I don't want to ruin this body. I Will self-deprecate yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I will I know adopt what I meant I mean it listen never say never yeah, yeah, I'm of that That's always my motto like who knows yeah, there's ever a kid that needed a home You never know but it's not needed a home, you never know.

But it's not in the plan. You've never felt like being a mother? No, I'm just so career focused. Is there a technology now, I don't know, and please be very gentle with me because I don't know about... Be gentle. Just be gentle with me, right? Is there a way to take your genes and bring them...

No thanks. You want to say I was going to drink it? No. No, like have my genes as a child? That's what I'm saying. No, but put your genes and create an embryo. Is there a way to do that? I think you can.

Yeah. I don't know. I've never looked into it, but I would be if I had a child I would want them to have her jeans and then I you are your fucking mind But I would like I would help hold their personalities, but they don't need to have my jeans Yeah, they need your jeans because it's you're so special. Oh No, but you know you are you're so likable and nice and funny and creative. I think I could teach a kid. No, you can't. No, that's born.

Really? Oh, that's born. Oh, yeah, that's born. Check it. Yeah, yeah. I think it's genetic. Yeah. Don't you think or no? Yeah. Yeah. Look at Ben Stiller. What about him? He's what? Jerry Stiller, right?

Oh, guy. And his wife. His mother. What's her mother's name? She's very funny, but and um and yeah, she's very funny Yeah, you could pass that along. Yeah, you know yeah, I just we just I don't think you're going to Okay, a comic once told me recently that you don't understand like when I'm on the road. I Can't wait to get home. Oh, and I go why because I can't wait to see my kid. That's amazing I mean, and that's a feeling that I'll never experience. Yeah, you don't want kids. I do want I know I may I could do that later You're not a time clock like oh, yeah, I think that's true. I think that's yeah

But I think that's I'm putting that in the universe so that yeah, that're not on a time clock like a... Yeah, I think that's true. I think that's true. But I think that's... I'm putting that in the universe. So that... Yeah, that's not out of the cards for you. It's still... It'll be stressful though. I mean, it's a lot of work.

Yeah. But you... And you couldn't do it alone. You would have to find a good woman that wants to really be a mom. That's right. Yeah. I think there's hope for you. Because I know a female comic that adopted one, we just don't see her anymore. Yeah, she's a single mother

Well a single mom that's a lot of work. It's tough, you know what I mean? It's hard enough with two people with one that you're everything. You seem like a snorer I did it in the nicest way possible. How dare you call me fat? I didn't, I didn't, I didn't, what? What? What? Look how panicky. What, what? Are you out of your mind?

You just look like you have sleep apnea. That's all. Sneeze apnea. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? And you know, Rogan has sleep apnea. He's not, you know? That's true.

I will say, I'm down 40 pounds. So when I drop. Are you on something? No say I'm down 40 pounds so when I drop... Are you on something? No, I'm just like working out like crazy. She's doing it that way. But it's been over a year and a half. I've never... Come on, what are you talking about? What's that? I'm not... You just look like a snorer is what I'm saying. Yeah, for sure. But I snore less when I'm down weight. The weight definitely affects it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I snore less now. Yeah. I mean. I don't know. You know, what? What? I said yeah, but I wouldn't know.

Yeah, but I'm just saying. When we cuddle in bed, I hear you snore. A couple of months ago, I was sleeping next to a girl overnight. Yeah. And I warned her, I always do this, here. And they go, what?

I go, it's earplugs. Oh, that's nice. She goes, why? Because you're going to hear a zoo tonight. Arrrrr! Get me here! All kinds of shit, right? And she goes, no, I can't sleep with those on.

And the next morning she goes, I didn't hear anything. Oh, really? Yeah, and she goes, I'm a light with those on and the next morning she goes I didn't hear anything. Oh, oh really? Yeah, and she's I'm a light sleeper. That's nice. I think it's because I'm on we go V and I lost over 20 pounds Oh, yeah, yeah, I think that does help. Yeah, do you snore? Yeah. Yeah, I can tell I think a lot of people And then are you your morning person I can tell um, I prefer night actually. That's what I was getting at. Yeah. You went around. Just asked me to direct.

I went around. I went around. I'm a woman of the night. I think that's the comic in me. Yeah, I mean what time do you sleep? I mean I usually go to bed between midnight to 8.30. In the morning? No, I go to bed at midnight and wake up around 8.30.

Midnight, 8.30 is your thing. Yeah. Wow. 8.45. Yeah. But when you're like sometimes I was just, I just did the road this weekend. And you know, I'm doing clubs right now.

So you do a second show. Yeah. That's like at 10.30. Yeah. And then you have to eat afterwards. Don't you sleep till like four or something? I've heard that about you. Sometimes I do.

Yeah. Yeah, like today I woke up at 12. something? I've heard that about you. Sometimes I do. Yeah. Yeah, like today I woke up at 12 45 because I had to do podcast. At one o'clock. At one o'clock. Yeah. Even like I have tomorrow, I have an animation studio thing

I have to do to voiceover. And they're like, can you push it till three? They go, it's at two. Yeah. You mean? What time do you go to bed? Oh. Like four or five in the morning.

I gotta say hi to my friends, the birds. Oh, okay. When I hear the birds chirping, I go, okay, goodnight. And I go to bed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think it's healthy. No, I mean, if you were to find a person to be in a significant relationship with,

maybe have kids, you would have to adjust that. Oh I will. Okay. But you know what? Exercising doesn't help. It doesn't? No, one time, two weeks ago I ran five, not ran, but I walked five miles on a hike.

I barely made it back home. It was like the revenant. I was like, frozen, have frozen salt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. By yourself? By myself. Yeah, I barely made it back home. And then I laid in bed till five in the morning. You were wide awake. Yeah, yeah. By yourself? By myself. Yeah, I barely made it back home. And then I laid in bed till five in the morning. You're wide awake. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, yeah, it would be good for you to like try to start transitioning towards going to bed earlier if you could. Do you bleach your teeth? No, they're just. They're not even human teeth. I do have pretty good teeth. Yeah.

Yeah, you do. You don't put white strips? You don't put white strips on them? I brush them a lot, but that's it. Yeah That you don't put white strips You know I don't I brush them a lot, but yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, do you brush? It's your teeth. I've never had one cavity my whole life. Well. That's insane. I just have I've always had good teeth wow That's insane and blue yeah for not bad for a snore But um well I want to show you something. OK. Uh-oh.

What is this? No, it's not one of those. OK. But look on this side of my mouth, OK? OK. Right. Maybe not. I might have to cut this part out,

because I want people to know that I have all my teeth are missing. Oh, we've talked about it so many times. OK, OK. But look. Yeah? This side. What is this? All gone. Wait, why are you going down so far? Yeah. What is it? All gone. Wait, why are you going down the road? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, they're all gone. Just from cavities. He can't, he can't chew. I love chewing candy. You didn't brush your teeth. Yeah. I like chewing candy.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I like candy. I like candy. I like candy. What's that from? Is that from?

Waterboard? I don't know. I don't know what that's from. I like it. What's that from? Is that from? Waterboy? I don't know. I don't know. How come you don't get dental implants? Cause that's one. Is there in the back? You can't really see. Yeah. And also I feverishly now clean them. Your gums? Oh my, I do. I have. They're bleeding from freshness. Oh! No, what I'm saying is I've never flossed growing up. I flossed like a motherfucker, right? Hydrogen peroxide, rinse with water. With water. I don't do that.

Yeah, I mean, brush them two times. Yeah. And, yeah, I'm like, you know, I'm pretty good. In fact, if I did this as a kid, I wouldn't have a... I don't think I would ever have a cavity. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I want to save the ones I have. You just didn't brush as a kid, I don't think I would ever have a cavity. I want to save the ones I have. You just didn't brush as a kid?

My parents were like, Bobby, brush teeth. You know what I mean? They just go to bed. You know what I mean? We're like, okay, we go to bed. You know what I mean? Flossing was another thing at our house. Yeah.

But a lot of dental money going to my brother's and my teeth. It was a problem. But you've corrected it. Yeah. I don't want to talk about my teeth. What are you doing this year? Do you have any movies lined up? My tour just started two weekends ago. So this is taking up a big chunk of my time. You're doing theaters, right? Doing theaters, yeah. Two weekends ago. So this is taking up a big chunk of my time. I'm going- You're doing theaters, right? Doing theaters, yeah.

Why do you like those versus clubs? Aside from the fact that you're only doing one show per city. I'm doing two shows in some cities as well. Oh, excuse me, Jesus. Ah. I just, you know, I like to tell long stories. And they're just, it's just easier in a theater. Right.

And I kind of prefer hitting as many cities as I can in a weekend, instead of like four shows in one city. Wow. So yeah, I'm doing a butt ton of a lot of shows. Yeah. But yeah, I just, I really love the theaters. Who's your opener? I take different people, but Caitlin Palufo,

she's out of New York. Zach Noy Towers is a funny guy. Sarah Tiana just did some shows the best I've used her so many times He's really great if you want like a guaranteed Comic that's gonna do well and is easy to work with yeah green room and a great right and a great writer Sarah Tiana is the one She's the best. Yeah. Yeah, I've had openers that were just tragic. Really? Oh yeah.

Like one time Sandy Danto, you know Sandy. I know Sandy. Yeah. But it's Sandy Doo. I was in the green room and then I just hear chaos. Like tables being thrown against the wall chaos. What? It was at the Ontario Improv.

I walk out and there's a guy, he looks MS-13, he had tattoos on his face, typical, you know, cholo, you know, with the, you know what I mean, white cut, they call him wife, Peter, I don't want to call him that, what do they call him? White tank top? Yeah, white tank top, right? Wife abuser. Yeah, the wife abuser. And he's like, hey, puta, I'll kill you. And there was like, people pulling him back. Like a fight. It was a full-blown fight kill you. And there was like people pulling him back. It was a full blown fight. And Sandy's up there with his beanie and a suit. You know what I mean? Just shaking, you know what I mean?

Oh no. That's like, you know, that's my experience with openers. Wow. You know what I mean? You know, I've said this before. I had an opener after he did okay, come by me and he goes, follow that. No.

That's wild. Like if you, okay, if an opener said that to you, Come by me and he goes follow that Like if you okay if some an opener said that to you What would you do? Well, you're paying them. I know I flew him out there. Yeah, and I paid him What would you do? I would just not hire them again. Really? Yeah, I wouldn't be I wouldn't be like confronting them I just that would be the last I would Yeah, even if they were your friend. Um, That's oh I didn't well, yeah, he's your friend. Yeah, and then you would have to have that conversation I mean just like what the fuck was that? Okay, let's do it. All right, so it's okay. I did that Okay, my name is Joey bongo

Made that up. Which is best friend. I'm your best friend. Yeah. Very bongo. Okay. Right? And then you went up. Yeah. Right? And then afterwards, I'm like, good set, man. Follow that.

You. Am I saying that? No, no, no, no. This is after. I already said follow that. Oh, you, you said it. Yeah, yeah. So I already said follow that.

Yeah. You went up on stage. Okay. And let me tell you something, right? When a feature says that to you. Yeah. Right? You don't have a good set right right in your head the whole time yeah follow that follow that follow that right right and also I couldn't follow it I don't think I think I was doing worse than

that yeah because it was in my head right yeah you come on stage like hey what the fuck was that yeah it's like oh sorry I mean I just thought I had a good set and that you'd have a hard time following it. Yeah, but that, I would be like, I paid you to make it easier for me. Yeah, because we're friends. Yeah, and then it'd be like, I would just be like, don't do that.

It gets in my head. Okay. It doesn't make me feel. But you use them again. I mean, if it's a friend kiss, I would be like, listen, that messed me up. It got in my head and just don't do that. No, that destroyed my friendship with this person.

Really? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, there's no way. It shows a lot. Well, yeah, that's definitely a character flaw. Yeah. Uh, that they think- What about, I'm going to give you another scenario that happened to me once.

So, you know how sometimes you do a club and you bring your own feature, but there's a local host. Oh, yeah. Right? I don't do the local host now. I know, but back in the day when you had Lina, you did, right? Yeah. a local host. Oh, yeah, right. I don't I don't do the local host now I know but back in the day when you had you did right? Yeah a local host. Yeah. Yeah, yeah Yeah, you didn't know the club just get some right, right? So I'm the so this is the first day, right? I'm your host right and walking up to you. You'll fortune. What's up?

Hey, what's up? Yeah, you all want to let you know, I don't even know what the fuck I'm doing here, man. I'm a fucking headliner. Oh. Yeah, I don't know. Well, they'll enjoy you then. Wow, that's the way you say it. He handled it very well. That's how you handle it.

He handled it, yeah. You wouldn't. I was like, what? What did you do? I go, what the fuck you say? What the fuck you say? I go, then don't fucking do it. Yeah. You know if you don't know why you're doing here, right don't do it Yeah, I had a local opener

At a club who just like screamed at the audience scream. Oh wow got a couple of those And I'm like, you know, I'm like And I'm just like oh my god, what'd you do? I mean it I you know, you just tell the club or your manager like get this guy off the show the next night I don't want him. He was gone. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Why do you think is is that? Why do you think they do that? Well, don't you please don't answer that. It's a serious question. It's not a serious question.

Because what got them in that thing in their head? I don't know them personally. That's a personal thing. They clearly have issues they need to work through. I don't know the trauma they went through. Some people are just assholes. That's true. So I'm going to say the name. And maybe we'll bleep it out. I don't know the trauma they went through. I don't know, some people are just assholes. That's true. Right?

So I'm gonna say the name and maybe we'll bleep it out, but we'll figure it out. What was it mean? You about to start beef with someone? I always do. Okay, let's see. So, you know. Oh, that's right, I've seen his stuff.

He's done some Arnold stuff. Arnold stuff, yeah, So I flew him somewhere. Cause he was kept going, you know, at the shows. Oh, come on, man. I put you on my shows. Right. Feature, right? So I flew him out.

He wasn't doing well. So I flew him home. Oh no. Early? After one show, I think. Oh no. What did you say? How'd that conversation go?

Oh my God, it's not good. Yeah. It's not that you're funny It's just too depressing as a host No, no as a host right he doesn't have host a host a hosting thing is a different vibe for sure Yeah, you want Ian Fiedan? You're the party planner. You're the party person. Yeah, who's ready to have a good time Aaron Carter Yeah, great house. Yeah, you know me sound effect whatever he does. You know what I mean?

Hopefully it's a lot of, oh he does it. Oh, we're about to have a good time. Well, they call them Darren Carter the party starter. You know that? Yeah, that's what you want. Yeah, yeah. Because you guys set the, they have to set the tone. Exactly.

I want a party up there. I don't want, hey guys, man, I'm gonna kill myself. With no punchline. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It didn't feel right for my show and I think that it's like, you know, I hate to say this but, refer to that, if you're a draw,

but you're a draw, right? I think so. Yeah. I mean you're an A-list draw. I'm not an A-list. You're a draw. But I draw. That's so funny that you say that,

cause you are. That's silly that you would say something like that. Well no. You're an A-list star. No, that's like a, no, that's like a Jennifer Aniston. I'm doing it. Oh Jennifer does the Houston improv? Oh yeah.

Oh yeah. Are you talking about in stand up? In comedy. Okay, in stand yeah. Oh, you're talking about in stand up. In comedy. Okay, in stand up. In comedy, you're an A-list. Sure, sure. You're like, you do A-clubs, right? Yes, yes.

That's what I mean. I got it. I thought I was like. Are you doing the hyena circuit or something? No. Okay, hyena's a great club, by the way, and I love the owner, and I'm not dissing it, but you know what I mean?

But you know, there's the, you know. I gotcha. You get it, okay, what I'm saying, so it's like in that scenario if your headline and you're also selling out rooms right I feel like that you know I should be able to choose who goes up before me and have notes yeah of course okay good you're hiring the person for the weekend or night or whatever so yeah you get to make those calls yeah yeah yeah but you know what? And I think it's also growth, setting a boundary with somebody.

Yeah, it is. Because my natural instinct is just to go, okay, just do whatever you're gonna do. Yeah, no. Yeah, I've had openers go up and run the light for 45 minutes, and that's not okay. And yeah, you just don't hire them again.

You know? Mine was Dean Del Rey. Oh yeah. Look at you just don't hire them again, you know? Oh, mine was Dean Del Rey. Oh yeah, look at you just dropping things. You can throw that in there, you can throw that in there. I know all these guys. They're gonna be coming up to me. Oh my God, was it Mon- This is Bobby by the way.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Brian and Dean. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know it's bad when you have to get your iPhone out and use that light To light your friend. Oh, yeah, I was like I just slam the door to get this personal Wow, yeah 40 minutes 45 almost oh my god It was a second show and

The night and they were you know, it started an hour late because you know This always take a while. They were so tired. And by the time I got out there, I don't work so much harder I'm like I paid you like three times the rate of a club. It's something that you knew Yeah, just to like I was trying to get I paid you three times the rate to do this to make my job easier And now I'm working three times harder and I was sick to make my job easier, and now I'm working three times harder, and I was sick. Oh wow, wow, wow. It was just a mess.

It's funny, because I've had to do weekends when I'm deathly ill. It's so hard. It's the worst. So hard, I had bronchitis a few weeks ago, or a month ago, and I was doing the clubs to build my act, and just like popping things to,

I was on antibiotics, so it wasn't contagious, but I was just, it's so hard to be up there for an hour, not like coughing your brains out. Oh, I don't do an hour when I'm in that situation. I do what I do. One time, I had a girlfriend named Christine Portillo, and I was 105 temperature and it's Ontario improv again and she had to put me in the car

drive me there and I had people working in the club carry me in that's how sick I was. Oh my god that you could have probably. No I had to do it I needed the money. Oh really? Yeah I needed the money back there. You're like Weekend at Bernie's. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He propped me up on stage. And then he had strings. And I was like, no. I just did this for 45 minutes.

Someone pulled my pants down. That's enough. That's enough. That's enough out of you. About that, okay? That's enough out of you. I'm a little out now. Yeah, it's good, it's good, yeah. But I did it, you know what I mean? Something about like just when you're called up to do it, it's just like, just motor skills, it's...

Something that takes over. What? Motor memory. Motor memory. Yeah, yeah. Motor memory. It takes in, yeah. Like riding a bike. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, do you get nervous when you, cause I was gonna ask you this,

cause I see you do high level shit. Could we follow each other on the program? That's right, on the socials. On the socials. And at the clubs. At the clubs we see each other. See each other. And then when you're on a set, do you get nervous?

For the acting stuff? Yeah. Like in the very beginning, like when I started Fubar with Arnold, I was like a little nervous because I didn't know him and didn't know like if he would get my sense of humor. And you just don't want to look like you don't know what you're doing.

My day one of meeting like Jennifer Garner after driving her in an ambulance. You're just like, oh my God, I have to like, remember like say my lines and drive her in an ambulance. You're just like, oh my God, I have to like, say my lines and drive her in an ambulance. That's the worst. When you have to do two things. Yeah, and you're just like,

that Will Ferrell movie I had to drive a boat. I'm like, what's happening driving a bunch of this? Really? Yeah. So it's like- Oh, you look like a bus driver. Thank you. Who s'mores?

Boat driver. Yeah, no, I'm kidding. No, I can definitely handle a vehicle. Yeah, I'm always like a guy behind the desk. Yeah. Like, welcome to Sabo, whatever, or whatever, you know what I mean? Or like, wrong missy.

I was the hotel guy. I've done so many like hotel-y, yet behind the counter kind of thing. Right, right. You know what I mean? But after the first day, I'm usually pretty good. I'm just like, I get to know them a little bit, but I don't bug those big stars like too much. I like am just normal and nice

and then kind of let them decide if they want to come to me sort of thing. Yeah, I just get like, so when I did Sex and the City, and there was a couple of times I was just next to SJP, and during setups, you know what I mean? And just sitting there just, not knowing, oh God. I've never met anybody who said SJP. Sarah Jessica Parker.

He got you, bro. Was that your nickname for her? You've never, yeah, you've never say your nickname for her You've never yeah, you've never heard anyone say caller SJP. I've seen it like written out What do you mean? Like that's the scrolls? What are you talking about? They don't want to write out the whole name. Yeah, SJP people call her that yeah Sure, no I don't know her yeah, Sarah Jessica, it's harder to. Yeah, it's a magical. Anyway.

Anyway. Anyway. Hi, Mae. Hi, Mae. Okay. It's just that, like, and I'm sitting there, and sometimes they're there for 45 minutes. Yeah.

And you just want to say something, but in my mind I was like, you're gonna fuck it up. Did you not talk at all? No, she would give me a hug in the morning. Okay. And sometimes she would rehearse in my trailer. She would just sit next to me and we'd just go over the lines and stuff like that. But it was never like, let's have dinner

or I'd never had that kind of experience with her, but she's very sweet. And y'all weren't talking about fashion or anything? I think that's what it is. It's like, if I did it with like Benicio del Toro, I could talk about maybe jeans. You know what I mean? Or like, you know what I mean?

Restaurants or something with him. You have to have some things in common. Like a commonality or something, or like, you know what I mean? Yeah, you and SJP, as we call her, don't probably have as much in common. She's so sweet. Yeah, yeah. What do you want?

That's all I want. Yeah. But you know, I don't want to fuck it up. Look. Oh my God, what is this face you're making. Yeah, but you know, I I don't want to fuck it up. I look like oh my This is me doing lines Do I look so Asian there Look at how fat I was

Oh my god. Yeah, I mean, you know, and let me tell you about that scene It was that was the worst day of my life Because this is the one the New York Post wrote about. Oh, what all they saw was I had relapse Uh-huh, and I was I was so this is what happened. I was in Mexico. Mm-hmm, and They're like you have to go to New York Straight from here on a Sunday. So I go, okay, so I flew to, right? And I'm thinking, in my mind, I'm thinking,

we're shooting on a Monday. So I just get drunk on the plane. And then the car picks me up and I'm like, I know where the hotel is, and it's like, where are we going? He goes, oh, to set. I go, we're shooting right now? They go, yeah, and I was completely drunk. Oh no.

It was terrible. And that was yeah, and I was completely drunk. Oh no. It was terrible. And that was that day? That was that day. And so what was the bad part about this is, I don't know if you know this, but when you're in. They just zoomed in on your eyes. When you're in Manhattan, in a busy street, and you're with Sarah Jessica Parker.

People go insane, right? It was like windows opening, taking photos. It was the whole thing. Now, you know what I mean? You know, there's a guy standing there because you can only cross when it's green. So the only times I can do this is crossing the street. And I was so fucked up. It had so many lines.

It was the most difficult day of my, oh my God. And they wrote about that scene or something? Yeah, because I talked about it on the spot. Oh, okay. I was like, how did they know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do I talk too much? Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I talk too much. I talk way too much. You know what I mean? The whole DMDL Ray, I should not have threw his name on. Cause I start wars, I gotta stop. I know, now you're gonna have these guys being like, yeah, it's fun. It's fun. Why not? You know, it's gossip. Yeah, you have no beefs, right? I ever had Hollywood I try not to I don't like beefs. She has no enemy

I'm the person that likes everyone to be happy. But who do you secretly dislike? There's honestly no one. Is it one person in the business? There's a lot, even if someone has done something that's shitty, I can find the silver lining. Wow. I don't know why. You're so healthy.

I don't know, maybe. Or I don't know, am I avoiding something? I don't know. No, no, no, no. I think that's a good way to. You give like the benefit of doubt Yeah, I'm just like hey that sucked dude. I didn't like that but like Yeah, whatever moving on yeah, yeah

or I just will create a boundary and Like if somebody did the thing that upset me or I would just be like so now we won't have this But we can continue on with this. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah, I think because my upbringing was so traumatic and abusive that I hold onto resentments. Yeah, I used to do that back in the day. Yeah.

And then I saw how it was affecting relationships that were trying to get to a better place. You can't move forward. Well, that's why I have a therapist. I'm resting on it. That's why when I behave in a certain way, I stop myself. Yeah.

You think at restaurants, I behave the way you still behave? No. I wait. Let me ask you this. You're a fortune film star, okay? She's like, okay, cool. You're in San Francisco. I'll play this part.

Okay, you're in San Francisco. And you're doing a beautiful theater. But before the show, you want to eat at a restaurant. You come in, right? And you go, hi, can I get a seat here? Just me. And then you go, yeah, it's an hour wait. And then you go hi can I get a seat here just me yeah and they go yeah it's an hour wait uh-huh and then you go what no cuz I'm playing the whatever theater

can I get a table now yeah no right then you sit down you'll go I'll wait the hour yeah but then you hear other people going hey we don't have a recession coming up and they send right away oh Oh really? Yeah, how would you react? That's good one I would I would probably have just left oh no you don't tweet about it Your followers Just leave oh you just leave if they don't want me, I don't want you. Oh, god. That's what I'm learning. I leave. Yeah, leave. They don't want you. You know what? Bye. Yeah, yeah. But also, this is what I do. I go outside and I take a breather. Okay. Before I. And you try to get people to recognize you. Oh, that's, you've done that then before. If you know that, then you've done that. Have you done that? I have done that every now and then.

Right, right. You're like, oh, what? What did you say? What did you say? You know me from what? Yeah, yeah, that's the gross part. And have I made this on this podcast before? Yeah.

I think I have. Where it's like, I remember my brother and I used to go to, my mom lives in Phoenix, and there was this cookie shop that's so rude to me. I don't know what, by my mom's house. I don't know what it is. One employer, all of them. All of them, they're just like, just so rude.

You know what I mean? And they're nice to everybody. So one time I was like, wait before we order, wait. I love that you keep going back. I was so good at the cookie. Yeah, yeah. And my brother's like, why do you have to wait? I go, I gotta wait until somebody recognizes me.

So maybe it'll help with the, but no one did. We were there for two hours, no one did. But I finally got the, I got the abuse and got the cookie. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You just put up with it. I just stopped going back if people are mean to me. Write that down for me. Yeah, don't go back.

Yeah, write that down. Don't go back. Yeah, yeah, don't go back. Wow, wow, wow. Yeah. I think it's... I'm not in the business of trying to convince people to like me.

They either do or they either do and it's great. If they don't, I move on. You hit a string, a chord. But I think the reason why I started doing it in the first place is to be accepted. I get that, I get that. And that comes from your childhood stuff. Yeah, I just wanna be accepted by people.

And then you're like, you're finally like, oh, I have a little following, you know what I mean? I've done some stuff. And then when people treat you the way you have always been treated, right? It burns Of course and then my you know My child comes out right her child the inner wound with the inner wounds come out and I'm trying to recognize that that's good You know, do you have any inner wounds?

mmm Thing where you talk about that? Okay. Let's move on then. Okay Don't want to feel feelings anymore. Emotions. When you go back to, let me ask you a question. When you go back, what town did you grow up? It's called Belmont. It's outside of Charlotte, North Carolina. So probably good barbecue out there, right?

Yeah, really good. So Charlotte, Belmont? When you go, your parents still in Belmont? Yeah. OK. They're not together, but they both still live there They live there. Yeah, and when you go there, are you their hometown hero? Um Yes, but like they've been rooting me on since the day I moved to LA They it's just a town of really lovely people who are like you're doing it

Like even when I wasn't do I was just here struggling. They were like you're trying though. You're, you're doing it. Like, even when I wasn't, I was just here struggling. They were like, you're trying though. You're like, you're pursuing your dreams. That's amazing. So they were like, coming to see me do standup before I could get headliner gigs. Your family or the town? The town, like, they would let me do shows

in the bars around town. I would come back from LA and they would pay five bucks and like 300 people would show up Which for me is a non headliner was huge and they would pay me five bucks It would help me pay my rent it was they were so they've been like amazing from day. Oh, let me talk about my hometown How a yeah, yeah, I can't even get in the high school wall of fame I'm not on a wall of fame. I thought you got to be in the hall of fame You're not I don't think they have a hall of fame. But when you go there is a hi fortune like that kind of thing? Yeah yeah. I mean I want that. It's a cute town it's like

only like 12,000 people. Really? Wow. Is yeah. Wow. Damn. Is there a strip club? No. No. Can I open one there? No. Don't ruin it. Hey! How is it going to ruin it?

You're so innocent. There's no porn store or anything? No. It's like a rare breed of like. A lot of churches. A lot of churches. Right. Yeah.

So if I'm in Belmont, is that what I call it? Yeah. Yeah. What's the best hotel I stay at? There's no nice hotel. It's like a Hampton Inn. Oh, I'm at the Hampton Inn, right? Which I'd stay at.

What? I've stayed at there. Okay, I'm about to appreciate a minute. I wake up and I go, oh, I wake up in the morning, right? Oh, right. And I go, I'm gonna hit a breakfast spot. Where do I go? Oh gosh, Bojangles is a fast a breakfast spot. Where do I go? Yeah. Oh gosh, uh Bojangles

They have good breakfast there, yeah like a chicken biscuit Oh, I love chicken biscuits and then for lunch. Where do I go? Oh Gosh, uh, I don't go there. Well, there's this really amazing place where kids with Down Syndrome work called Holy Angels. That's a really cute lunch place. You know like Shane Gillis opened the coffee shop. Yeah, yeah, that's good. It's that, but with the, it's a lunch place. That's amazing.

It's really cute. Yeah, I bet it's so cute, I gotta go there. My mom taught kids with Down Syndrome for 30 years, so she's a patron. And I love them too. But there's like good restaurants, like little bars and pizza places downtown that have good lunch.

The real question is, do you think that if I moved to Belmont, hypothetically, that I'd be able to meet somebody there? Maybe, but you would get bored. I think you need a city. Why do I need a city? I think you're a city guy. How do you know?

I don't, you guys think he's a city guy. I'm not a city guy. You just mentioned a? Don't you guys think he's a city guy? I'm not a city guy. You just mentioned a strip club. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you would be driving to Charlotte for all that stuff. All right, how far is Charlotte from here? 30 minutes.

Oh yeah. I can live in Belmont. Yeah. Belmont then? Yeah. 30 minutes. I think you would get bored in Belmont. Oh, you think so?

Yeah. Is there a coffee shop? Yeah. Like a mom and pop one? Yep. Wow, right there. A couple of those. Just some writing, reading there, right? Go visit it first, then decide.

I'm not gonna fucking move that you fucking mind. Yeah, but just hypothetically, you don't think I'd be happy there? No. Could I buy property there? Yeah. What, have you bought it? You can buy property anywhere.

I know. That's true. That's true. Maybe Hawaii first. I know, I could see you totally in Hawaii. That's true. Maybe you're a Hawaiian first. I can see you totally in Hawaii. Yeah, yeah. Did you buy something there? I used to have a house there.

I had it there for about five years, but I just couldn't get back enough, so I sold it. You sold it. Yeah. And did you buy here? Oh yeah. My first house I sold two years ago. I love that house so much, but it was really small. Oh, because I bought this years ago, but love that house so much. It was really small

Cuz I bought this years ago, but I feel like I'm gonna stay here forever really yeah I this house I'm in now is not my forever home. You know this I know this yeah Wow so I Give me your dream That's your dream situation my old house was my dream house But it would have had to have been bigger like I want a ranch style house Which is hard to find in LA. Yeah, but that has been made over So it's not like it has the charm of an older house, but it's like been updated modern interior Yeah design a nice like real fireplace not it's still

It's still gas, but it's real. It's not one of those like ones with the glass behind it. Yeah I just have a TV screen that has a fireplace. Yeah, no, I like a, I had the most amazing fireplace in my last house. Whoa, like real wood. Well, it was gas, but it was real flame. Real flame, okay, you like that. And then, you know, some privacy,

like a nice private front yard with hedges. Why? Because I don't know. Do you go nude back? Yeah, I'm nude in a lot. No, you lay out nude in your backyard? to see like a nice private front yard with hedges. Why? Because I don't know. You go nude back? Yeah, I'm nude in a lot. No, you lay out nude in your backyard? No. Why?

Why do I need my body tan? You have hedges, you have hedges. Why do I need my body tan, for who? No one's seeing this star down here. Yeah, maybe TMZ wants this. I burn, I'm really fair to him. You really do? Yeah. I feel like you'm really fair to you. You really do? Yeah.

I feel like you have a tan now. Well, I have been, this sounds so stupid. I tread water. I have a pool, and so I tread water for exercise. Oh. For like an hour, three times a week. That's nice. Yeah.

Yeah, and you just tread there by yourself? Uh-huh. What does tread mean? I listen to podcasts. Like, without touching, without your feet touching for an hour I'll use my muscles and legs to stay afloat. I have a I've never done that float though. I'm a floater Yeah, yeah, but it's great exercise. Yeah And so I probably get some from that I put on sunscreen. I see a little tan. Yeah

Yeah, but yeah, just something like that. That's like like something that feels like home That's big enough that you can store stuff, but it's cozy. Do you have animals? I have a little Pomeranian. He's a How old is the 11? Oh, so cute. Yeah. Yeah. I have four dogs here. You do. Yeah, they haven't made a sound Oh, no, they're my freezer haven't made a sound. Oh no, they're in my freezer. So shut up. I'm gonna eat them over the weekend. No.

Kitty cat. Don't do that. What? Straight from Yulin, China. No, I've got four regular dogs that are alive, they're very happy. Aw. Let me say something to you, Fortune.

You and I have opposite careers. Yeah? Yeah. I'm so, like, I'm so like, not so like not controversial but yeah controversial you think controversial? well you just say whatever comes to your mind but what I'm saying is I've never like I did the Tonight Show in 1990 or 2000 I did a good set, couched it I've never been on a talk show since then

really? yeah yeah I don't get invited those even if I'm in a big movie or a series or gonna TV show They're always gotten they don't want you give a publicist that helps really they're so expensive though Yeah, yeah, you have one. I have one, but you know usually you hire them for a certain amount of time And then take them off for a while Why would I need one though? To get on late night. I don't want to be on late night. I don't want to do it. That's who facilitates.

Oh, that's what happened? That's who facilitates. Oh, because I get mad at like Jimmy Fallon. Like, fuck Jimmy Fallon, he's never asked me. You think he's like calling? Oh, they don't do it. Yeah, they're not calling. Oh, Seth Meyers doesn't do it.

The publicist is calling. I've been to his birthday party, Seth Meyers. Yeah, they're not, those guys aren't. Oh, I can take them off my resentment list. Yeah, yeah, yeah, get them off the list. Right, a letter, all those guys. You have to pay someone a bunch of money a month to go call people for you.

And sometimes a movie will do it. Sometimes. We'll have a publicist, yeah, yeah, yeah. But again, they're usually focused on the Will Ferrells, the Reese Witherspoon. Yeah. Let me ask you something. Okay, bud.

Don't you think our ecosystem's getting there? I mean, listen, your podcast and all these guys' standups, shows and acts are so huge. I mean, I bet you money that Handsome does better numbers than most TV shows. Yeah, we're a year and a half in and we have 30 million downloads. Exactly. I mean, so you're the biggest, you do more than most TV shows. Yeah. Probably, right? Or all of

them. I mean, there's plenty of huge TV shows, but these days, yes. Like Bad Friends is top, sometimes 15, comedy, right? Yeah. And we can say that we do better than most TV shows yeah right and it's like I wish Hollywood would recognize that they will it's cut it's starting don't you think yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you're seeing it look at her killing it look at that so fortune themes or has a Netflix special called crushing it yeah it came out already right it's on Netflix it's on Netflix go fucking check it out man. Yeah, that was awesome. And you're proud of it.

I'm really proud of it. It's my third hour. I'm proud of all of them for different reasons. But they all kind of follow a timeline in my life. A lot of fun stories. This one's probably the most elevated version, just wearing a suit and the shininess of it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Wow, wow a lot of time you get nervous because I'm shooting my first one soon is you get nervous. Yeah for sure

Yeah, yeah, I'm so nervous about now. I don't get nervous about just regular shows but filming for sure Yeah, I'm like it's now I have to like oh Yeah, what do I try to say here? Well, you have to remember you get two shots at it, right? You're doing two. Four. Oh, see. I'm gonna do four. That's amazing. Then you'll have so many chances to get it right. And one of them, my last one,

I'm gonna give myself the opportunity to just go crazy. Well, yeah, I was gonna say like, do one where you're like, buy the book. Buy the book. Like, this is all the jokes. I think the first two, buy the book, the next like this is all the joke I think first two by the book the next two crazy Yeah, because you want you want the baseline Yeah, always come back to yeah, and then and then let yourself and you wear that you get a difference the same suit

A bunch of times that I had yeah, I had one suit two different shirts, but I only filmed two shows Okay, okay. Yeah in the same night. Well, how did you feel about this podcast? I felt it went great. How did you feel I? Thought the time flew by it sure did I thought that we a lot of times I struggle with it really oh yeah I didn't know this was the opposite. It doesn't have fun with the guests. Yeah. Oh look at us That would have been our Chelsea lately. I'm just a lately Look at my boob. My one boob is really popping. It was my head on your boob. I don't know, but it looks like I have giant knockers. And I do.

And I don't though. You don't? No, that was, maybe that was a pushup bra. Yeah. Wow. You seem very happy to be resting on my dark boob. No, I was just like, this is a future star. I want you to get close.

We look like a couple. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Aw. We look so different now. We look young. So young.

That's Chelsea Handler? That would have been Chelsea. Yeah. That was probably 2013. How many did you do, though? 100. Well, I was a writer on there, you know. So I did so many.

Yeah. I think I've had about 60 of them. Yeah. Yeah. I think I wrote for like a thousand shows Wow, and I think Chelsea because at that time, you know, I had nothing going on like there was no podcast It was hard and I asked her I go just kind of promote and she would let me on anytime Yeah, so I really have a deep love for Chelsea Handler. Yeah, you yeah, he broke a lot of stars

Yeah, we I just talked to her a couple weeks ago about that. Yeah, gave me my big break. Yeah Yeah, zoom in on that. That was the last episode Wow, like who's in that Joe boys in the back? Oh Brody's there There's me Whitney Josh Ron functions. Ron Funtis, Natasha Ligero. Ross Matthews. Look, Joe Coy up there. In the back, yeah. Wow.

Sarah Colonna. That was the core group, right? That's a lot of us, yeah. It was fun. And then there's a guy that I should mend it with. Anyway. Another person. Another person. And then there's a guy that I should mend it with there's a guy anyway That's gonna be your thing is just mending fences I think I've meant most of them okay

Yeah, I've brought people that talk shit about oh, yeah Yeah, oh, that's good like airy spears, and yeah, that was a big one. Oh, yeah, I remember that Yeah, And now him and I are very close. Okay. Yeah, he's gonna come back next week. Yeah. Anyway, hey, Fortune, you want to promote anything? Handsome podcast. Yeah. Your special, what else? Special, I'm on tour doing-

Everyone check her out on tour, guys. Yeah, I'm on tour. So many cities, Fortune Feimster. Everything. Taking care of biscuits. That's the one. All right, give Fortune a round of applause, everybody. Yeah!

Oh, and my radio show with Tom Papa on. Love Tom Papa. I'm so happy to be here with you I'm so happy to be here with you I'm so happy to be here with you I'm so happy to be here with you I'm so happy to be here with you I'm so happy to be here with you I'm so happy to be here with you