TigerBelly - Gabriel Iglesias, What Goes In Not What Comes Out

Episode Date: August 2, 2023

Fluffy is a Tapatio bottle. Bobby is the center of chaos. Khalyla loves onions. We chat fear of kids, quinceañera, vagene distance, bus poops, and 3 amigos. Buy live show tickets before they sell out: https://tigerbellylive.com/

Tiger Belly is going live ladies and gentlemen and we are on tour once again. We did one show in LA. It was the most successful show I've ever done. It's August 25th at the Wing Spear Opera House in Dallas, Texas. They were also going to be August 26th. We're going to be at the ACL Live at the Moody Theater in Austin, Texas. August 31st, we're going to be at the more theater Seattle, Washington. It's super fun. We bring audience members up on stage.

It's just a real good family night. It's a game show. And we can't wait to see you here. You're gonna love it. Go to www.TigerBellyLive.com. I want better ear. It's so loud. Do more ear.

Do what other arts of your body would it go in? Okay, it's got it. It's so loud. It is. Yeah, I got it. I hear you hear me? Okay. I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You hear me? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, let's start. Ready? Here we go. Hey, that's my shirt. I'm not sure. You're right. She's my ex and we share shirts. You have to act hatefully. Oh, what a weird idea. I always kind of do this.

You know what? That's probably the most original introduction. Start of a podcast or anything, that matter. That is my ex. That's my ex and we share clothes. I'm gonna sing a song that's gonna be a little bit more fun. I'm gonna sing a song that's gonna be a little bit more fun. I'm gonna sing a song that's gonna be a little bit more fun. I'm gonna sing a song that's gonna be a little bit more fun.

I'm gonna sing a song that's gonna be a little bit more fun. Hey, do you know? Why are we right now, right? That's not the right one, two, three, four. Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome to podcast. I don't know, the Tiger Belly. You guys, my name is Bobby Lee and I'm the host of the show. And we've got some beautiful people. And we got this Jewish guy right here, Rob Rob. Wow. I love it, man.

And we got white. Pure white dude. I love it dude. Pure white? That's suit dude. We got some flips here, man. Woo. Yeah, yeah.

And, you know, Mexican. I know. Okay, I had just in case people wanted it. I don't want to assume everybody knows what I am, so I'll just, you know, all right, so I'm going to introduce you. I don't know how long I've known you. Forever, dude. I know, I just sort of remember. I know forever.

At least 20 years. Which sounds crazy to say it like that. No, I don't, it more. At least 20 years. God, he doesn't know what that means. He doesn't know what that means. I see why he's your ex. He's what the fuck. I don't know what it means. He doesn't know what that means. I see why he's your ex. What the fuck?

I don't know what it means. That could have been, yeah. At least 20 years. At least 20 years. Yeah, yeah. So yeah, I've known you at least 20 years. At least 20 years. I think in the late 90s.

Yeah, right? I started in 97. So. Yeah, so probably right around that to 98 maybe. Right. And the thing is, well, it is, so he's a movie star, television star, one of the biggest stand-ups in the world. He's so funny.

Ron Vapploss for Gabriel. A Glacier, a fluffy everybody. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I want to say say thank you for being here. Thank you. You out of breath. I'm so excited. Who's that a breath? I am. Oh, dude, I am. You guys live on a big hill. Like the hill, the hill to get to this house is no joke because the drive I had to take and then once you park in the street, it's like this ramp. It's like, you look like the little dude from the prizes, right? Going up the hill. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's impressive.

I saw you walk up it and I didn't shame you. Yeah, you look good. Thank you. Kyle was good slow. Took me a while. I told him, I got here an hour ago, but it took me about half hour to get to that point. So maybe the Latino laugh, I don't know where I met,

but I have to say that you and I have always been very friendly with each other. Yeah. No war. That's rare. Yeah, no war, no beef, no issues, no, that's so rare for you, because you were with everyone. I was with everybody, you know what I mean?

So you and I have always had, and I've seen them naked. But I don't think that means a lot. I think a lot of people have had that. Really? How many times have you seen me naked, you think? Ah, God, why do I know this? I wanna say like twice.

Oh yeah, yeah. And I did I, You didn't, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Was it an accidental showing or was it purposeful? Well, it wasn't like in the back. It was somewhere where I think I shouldn't have seen you and I saw you. It was just like, oh, I see, what are those?

Okay, cool. Cool, he's one of those. OK, cool. Cool. He's a free spirit. Yeah. And so we met. And as soon as I saw you before, I was like, oh, this guy. This guy has it. Is this one of, you know how you see somebody just go,

yeah, that's the guy. And I haven't called you recently, but I have to say that congratulations. Thank you. On all of it. You've been killing it. And you know, you're one of those guys when I see doing all these things, I'm just like, yeah, that's what it was supposed to be.

Always. You know what I'm saying? Sometimes the guys make it and you kind of go, what? Yeah. But, yeah. Like, yeah. You go, yeah. True. Yeah, yeah. Like how, right? But he's what, like how right?

But he's what like Sebastian's one of those guys where you're like, yeah, I always knew, you know what I mean? So congratulations on all that, right? And you live in Long Beach. Yeah, yeah, I tried leaving. That's my hood. You live in LBC? Yeah, I live there for a long time. I still want to move back so bad.

I love Long Beach. I tried leaving and then I want to go home back. So yeah, I get that. Why is it so good? I won't even change my 5, 6, 2 area code. Like I will not change it. I've never been to school there too. Yeah, I went to Cal State Long Beach too.

Okay. Yeah. I drive by Cal State Long Beach all the time. I never went there. I never went there. Yeah, I finish high school. I said, I'm good. Yeah.

What is it good about pitch me Long Beach, bro? The only reason why for me, Long Beach is so awesome, it's just because I grew up there and I have so much nostalgia and memory there. Like, you know, all the great memories that I have with my mom, she's no longer here. Every time I drive her on the corner, I'm like, oh, I remember this, I remember that.

Trust me, I look at Long Beach the same way, I look at my family. I know there's better ones out there. But I have strong connection. That's the main reason, is just because of all the memories and stuff like that. There's plenty of great restaurants, and malls, and you name it everywhere else,

but I know my city very, very well. And, you know, I'm... Well, when I was wooing her 11 years ago, and I was driving out the Long Beach. Every day you drove to the Long Beach. I was like, you know what I mean? You know how you travel far for that. Oh, I had a girlfriend that lived in Valencia,

which is completely... Oh, shit. Magic Mountain. Magic Mountain. Oh, oh. Magic Mountain. Oh, shit. Magic Mountain. Magic Mountain. Long Beach. From Long Beach. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, you want to talk about gambling. And I was doing that with the gas being the way that it was at the time. And my car was questionable. But that's how strong my love was. I powered that car with my love. And yeah. How far would you travel now for Vag?

Nice. Uh, car or plane? Oh. Oh. Yeah, let's go do both. Car. Car? And then let me describe it for you.

Are you single now? Yes. Okay, so here we go. All right. Oh, I thought you were going to describe the car. It's a good car. Solid. It's a low rider.

I was building the last three years. Hydraulics. No. So, um, girl, right? The most beautiful girl you've ever seen your life. So funny. Has her own career, right? She's a liar. A liar or a lawyer?

A liar. She lied. No, she's a lawyer. She's a lawyer, right? And you just, you've never met anyone like that before, right? But she's just like, I don't have a car. So you have to come to me. Oh, also, she can only see you

between the hours of 3 p.m. and 7 p.m. Peak LA traffic. Ooh, no, you can't throw that out there. No, that's, that's real. That's, all right, I thought that. That's real, because just because you say, oh, I only lived 20 miles away. That's, that's cool. but when you account for LA traffic,

20 miles can equal, God, an hour and a half. You're right, you're right, you're right, that is real. So how long? How long? Well, let's see, first of all, the lawyer thing was like, all right, forget lawyer, then, forget. She owns a Pokemon shop. Oh, that's cute.

Oh, that turns him off. So am I going for a chase car? Or am I going for a... No, she has. They have these. She sells these like limited editions, gold plated Pokemon cards. Right. And she like buys them online. She's like one of the biggest dealers in the world. Is that not better than lawyer or no? I'm okay. I guess it's better. I guess it's better. Okay, so tacos shop. Nice. Is that better? Honestly, I would, unless the career was something

where I'd quit, like are we saying that she doesn't have a car? Oh no, she, um, because there's a lot of variables. No, okay, why are you asking so specific, all right? Well, because, okay, you say, what's the further side would drive? So, okay, she has a car, but it's unreliable. It? So, okay. She doesn't carve, but it's unreliable. It's unreliable.

She has a car, but it's unreliable. Yeah. Okay. I would, I would go with 90 minutes. No, that's long. That's actually 90, 90 minutes. That's a movie. So, an hour and a half, you'll wait. That's there and there and back.

Now, is this everyday or is this like one, twice a week? I know. Okay, if it's once a week, 90 minutes. Okay. Or twice a week, 90 minutes? Yeah, yeah. No, I'm sorry. If it was twice a week, an hour, once a week, 90 minutes. Oh, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.

Yeah. Okay, now flight. How far would you fly? Texas. Yeah, that's good. That's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Delaware, fuck it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, Delaware, no it. You want to have, yeah, yeah, yeah, no Delaware, no Delaware, right? No Delaware. What would I do? I would draw, well, I drove to Long Beach. Every day. Every day. Yeah. And that's what's that, a long.

Yeah, I can get up to an hour and a half depending on when you were coming, it was big traffic. Oh my God, yeah. You were in love, it was so sweet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kind of. No. Hey.

Guys, you guys are done. of You guys are gone back to me Okay, so the the girl that I was seeing I was driving from Long Beach to Valencia Yeah, pretty much every day and then when she was going to college She was going to college in San Diego. So I still had a two-hour drive Wow And I was doing that's what level were you out career. Wow. And I was doing, I was doing that. That's a minute. What level were you at career wise? Career wise, I wanna say I was,

probably year five. Year five. Year five. At the time, I had already done all that on Nickelodeon. I was already at touring comedian. And at the time, I was working on a pilot here in Burbank with Jamie Foxx. It was a pilot, it was going to be like the new

version of In Living Color, a new sketch comedy show. So I was driving from San Diego to Warner Brothers to be there by 10 a.m. every day. So and I was driving to San Diego every day. You were a committee. Oh, I was committed. So I was falling asleep on the drive to Burbank from San Diego. Wow. And I was falling asleep at the, you know, when we were doing the table reads, it was bad. Oh, that's so you were like addicted. Oh, yeah, I was, I was 25 and I was all hormones. Yeah, I was all hormone. Is she still in your life or no? No, no, no, she, she moved on. She married, got kids and everything like that. Right, right, right. How long did that last? You know what, we were together for almost four years.

Whoa. Yeah. And then when I didn't move her into the house, because when I bought a house, I was like, Hey, I got a house no longer got an apartment. And she's like, Yeah, we got a house. I'm like, No, we don't. I got a house. I see, I see. So she got mad that I didn't propose and make a whole thing and so we're thinking about it or no. No, I was thinking about it. So also you were just like, you're young. Yeah, but she came from an old family, was very much like, are we doing this? Was the family thought that she was wasting time?

And she was having fun. I can't say she was wasting time. She was having fun, but yeah, she never moved in. I never moved during. Whoa, did you ever get married? No, no. But after I broke up with that particular girlfriend, I wound up moving in a different girlfriend,

less than a year later. I'm sorry, with her son. That he became my stepson and now to this date, we're still in each other's lives. I'm no longer with her, but we're still friends. I guess I'll open it. I get it, I don't fight with my ex about shirts. I doubt I would fit in her shirt. I could try it. Look like a pack of chorizo.

That's a stand. Yeah. But we're cool. And the kids still in your life. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Cool. You look at them like a son. Absolutely. Oh cool. That's a son. Yeah. Yeah. And how long was that? Like, know, I got him when he was seven And he's about to turn 26 this year Whoa, and how long did that relationship last? Almost God well, there's I want I'm gonna say safe 13 years. Right Do you have a fear like I do or what of commitment or not just commitment? It's not commitment

It's not commitment. Don't look at me. I'm not looking at you. I'm looking at the wall. Oh, okay. I'm looking at my own head. What is your fear? My fear is this, okay. I won't look.

No, you have to look. You've listened. It's fine. It's fine. It's just that. Because you don't have any biological children. No, I don't. Me neither.

Okay. I've always kind of wanted one, right? But I'm now, I don't know how old are you now. I just turned 47 a couple weeks ago. Wow, so I'm 52 almost. Fuck, we're gonna die, huh? Nice, right? Hey, man, just waiting for the aliens, right?

I had to take over, bro. But like, I do sometimes lay in bed and I question them, and I said, why didn't I make that commitment because of so many of our friends, have people who have kids and a family, this and and that but then I see guys like you and I Right, I don't know if we're in the same category. That's what I'm trying to ask you some questions now What do you think we're in the same category? You think oh, you know what I did have my thought about having children a few years ago I was like, you know what I should do it now

Otherwise, I'm gonna feel like I'm too old and I just said you know Cuz I got again we having friends with kids and stuff like that. And I think you only get to see the good times. You don't see what happens when they're at home. You know, we see them with their, oh, we're hanging out at the park, we're throwing the ball, we're at the ball game, we're here, we're there, yay.

We don't see what happens when they get in the car and they close the door and they, look her, look her. So, you ask her for more, you don't see those models. I don't see what happens at home. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like the tantrums. Yeah.

Why was your hesitation with having children? Like, what was the one thing that you feared the most? Well, I'll tell you the truth. I feel like you guys have had this conversation before and you're just trying to find a good way to edit. No, he's actually never told me why he was always super hesitant. This I've never asked me. I'm going to give you guys a drug answer.

Okay. Check this out. Okay. And this is the truth. What normal guys go through in their 20s? Like I knew this G'du named Calisto and used to get girls all the time. I never could get. If you have the name Calisto and you can't get it, you can't get it.

I know. Kalisto in Spanish sounds like like, like, Galeisto, like he's ready. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. He's ready. Yeah. Yeah, he was ready.

So Kalisto, he sounds like even more ready. Yeah, you're so ready. I am Kalisto. Yeah. Yeah. Kalisto, right? We would walk into a bar and girls would just make out with them. Really?

They wouldn't even go with your name. He ready? He had the opportunity to go, I'm gleeced though, right? They would just make out with them. And I felt invisible to the opposite sex. It's only in my 30s when I feel like, OK, people know who I am. I'm confident with myself. So I feel like I'm still in my playing years.

You know what I mean? But am I? Is that an excuse? I don't fucking know, man. Good question. Because still, I'm still one of those guys when I see Vagine. When I see the Vagine dude.

I suck crying dog. I get so excited. Rob, why are you looking at Rob? I don't know why. I feel like, I feel like Rob Christchew, man. You cry Rob or no? Yeah, don't you get excited when it's a new girl? Yeah, I just get excited, right?

So I feel like I'm still in that. The chasing the van. Adolescent at the giant stage, you know what I mean? Not the kid stage yet. Not the kid, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he's still looking at what goes in, not what comes out. Not the kid. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's still looking at what goes in. Now what comes out. Right. Right. Says, but maybe I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm,

I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I needed something to fulfill my life and like, man, I've done very well for myself. In my career, I feel like, okay, now what? What is this all for? And that's when I had that little moment where I'm like, oh my God, I need kids.

I need someone to take care. And then I started thinking, I'm gonna be fine. Oh, I need someone to take care of me. I'm like, I got money. I could pay out, nurse, hey. Yeah. I can't reach it. Help me, I got money. I could pay out and nurse, hey, hey, yeah, I can't reach it. Help me, help me clean.

I always thought that was like really faulty reasoning for having people. Yeah, it's so suffix. Yeah, because like, no shade to like, my stepdad say for instance, like he had three kids, but two out of the three of them, Guarantee would never take care of him in his older years. Like just because you have kids doesn't guarantee that they'll be around for you. I don't know what kind of humans they're gonna be when they're older, they could be great, they could be shitty and you may not have a relationship

with them, you just never know. You can't force that, it's a gamble. Yeah, I wish people would just be like, I wanna have kids because I like to come inside people. Like that's a more honest thing. That's very honest. Yeah, like I just like, Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, honest. Yeah. I just like, hey. Hey. Hey.

I know, I know, I know. But to be like, has some like super in-depth reasoning, you have to do why and it's fulfillment or whatever. It is. She talked like that when you guys were together? No, this is new talk, there. Right? Yeah, yeah.

I'm like, this is new talk. What do you talk? You should've done this two years ago. What? But yeah, I think people were like, you know, I want to heal my inner child through my children. I'm like, that's what a great excuse you there. Just you like, you know, original recipe sex. It's all good. Yeah, yeah.

So I decided not to go for it. And I was like, you know, and I actually did have people that were like, you know, if you want to do the donor thing and have a, you know, because at the time, I didn't have a, I was in a relationship, but I was talking about, you know what? So there was applicants. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just never went for it.

And I got pets, I got dogs. Oh. But you still have applicants. I do. Yeah, I guess this is not close. It's open. I get, yeah, but yeah. Yeah.

But that's also my thing. It's because I love my dog so much and they fulfill me so much. And I'm just like, wait, maybe this is enough. Yeah. We share seven animals. No, well, I saw the cat, no. We have three cats and four dogs. We have four dogs.

Yeah, yeah, we show you. Wait, you threw your dog a quinceignata, right? Yeah. That's amazing. What do you mean? I don't have kids. I don't know. I don't have a daughter. It's a big thing. What do you mean? I don't have kids. I don't know. I don't have a daughter.

That's a party for him. Well, how old is a Hispanic girl when she gets one, 12? 15. 15. 15. 15 Mino, those. Trees, quince.

Okay, I got close enough of it. I only know four, I'll tell you the numbers. So, but your dog was a 15. Yeah, there she is. That's my dog, Reese. Oh, so cute. She is actually closer to 17. That's my other dog, Vinny.

Oh, Vinny. Are they all Chihuahua's? Yeah, they're both, they're both on their Chihuahua's. Yeah, but the Quintenera was like, Quintenera is a big party and a celebration and a right of passage. Yeah. You know, your girl becoming a woman and that's that's the way Keen's singing us go.

Yeah, yeah, but what I did was my Keen's singing that I threw for my dog. Yeah. Is the best use of the word epic. Best use because there's that the a 10 second 10 second clip went viral and they show this clip all over Mexico. Like, oh my God, I wish I was his dog. Like, this party? This party, oh my God.

Look at that, oh my God. You could just see, where was this location? That's insane. Look at that. Look at that, you're pushing. That you can see just everything that's around, the balloons and the, oh my God. The humans don't even get that shit.

Exactly. Was he grateful? She, and you know what, my pets are everything, my baby's cat on the phone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's amazing. I felt good, people are shitting on me for throwing that party and I didn't care.

I'm like, you know what, it's not your dog. It's who gives it to you. Who gives a fuck, dude? It's who gives a fuck. Yeah, you love your dog. Yes. You celebrate your dog. We had over 400 people at the party.

Whoa. I invited 400 people to this thing. They all, they all, they all are as VP. I did the RSVP thing too. They all showed up. And then I told everybody, you guys can take pictures and video, just don't take pictures of video of me It's not about me. It's about my dog. It was like a fan event

It was like I know everybody that's there, but then someone recorded that video Yeah, while I was pushing the stroller and posted it. Yeah, and so next thing I know I got calls from all these morning radio shows and and tell you know a Beat was it good morning America everybody wanted to talk about this. And I was actually, I was into it. I went to it and- Well you met at that time. I was mad at first, but then it's like, all right, it's out.

Mad is we'll try to control the thing. Yeah, yeah. I posted it on my social media. And yeah, most people were supportive, but then of course it's like you got people that hate. I was like that. I had one guy that's like, you have any idea how many people you could have fed with that. Because the number one question was,

how much did you spend? Because you could tell. I'm not gonna lie, that was a couple of escalates right there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No. So once word got out there, like, you know how many people you could have fed? And they're like, oh my God, I don't know what, 400?

That's how many invited. And then, yeah, so it was, you know how many people you could have fed? And they're like, oh my God, I don't know what, 400? That's how many invited. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then, yeah, so it was, you know, it sucked. Because you don't wanna hear people talking smack about, you know, gay one or something. You did nothing wrong. Well, it's like these days you can do nothing right. You can't do something.

Absolutely. You can't just do whatever the fuck you want. Yeah. I mean, or try. Yeah. I mean, so weird, this internet thing as a psych, you know, when we started comedy before it. Yeah, it was before social media.

Like, the internet, I still have my original AOL account. Yeah, it was it. What was it? Well, I still have it, so that's all. I still have it. They're right. Hey, man, what the fuck are you doing, Gamer? Yeah, yeah.

I'll write it down. I'm just kidding. It gave, so we knew the fuck are you doing, Gilbert? Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, it down for you. Okay, Gabe, so we knew each other we were young, right? And then when did you find out that things shifted for you? Well, I mean, it was just one thing. I think that there was a lot of points from the way where this led to this and this led to that. And so there was a lot of things.

I mean, you figure, I started in 1997. April 10th, 1997 was the first time I got up on stage and I credit that day as the biggest day of my career because if I don't start that first day, we're not having this conversation. So that was the most important day of my career was day one. And people don't realize that that day in the mid 90s to the late 90s, it was a hard comedy wasn't the way it was now. It was on its downswing, I'm out.

Yes, because everybody was always talking about the good old days of the 80s and the clubs were always full and there was all kinds of work. So everyone was always making references to the good day. There was so many clubs and it was great. And you'd hear about these stories and you're like, wow! But in reality, right now is the new good day. I know. Because it got to a point where like really,

you know, there's easily 10 comics that are doing arenas right now, whereas back then you couldn't even dream of an arena. That was maybe, oh, dice. That's played, did it. Yeah, that's real special. And that was all you heard. Yeah. Slade did it. Yeah, dice. It was special. And that was all you heard. Yeah.

And then years later, Dane did it, I guess. Yeah. Yeah, he Dane did it. No, big deal. Because we'd had to drive to, because I remember doing gigs with you guys in like Vice Alia. Yes. Like at Holiday Inn.

Vice Alia. Willy Barthena Garcia. Yeah. Yeah. Of course, see all these guys. They have good onions. What the fuck you talking about? I say yeah. Yeah, we have a guy. I thought my friends know that's a given. I didn't.

Yeah, Mexicans love growing that shit. They're so good at it. There's all kinds of stuff on the way up there, but yeah. Yeah. So you started. We're gonna come back to this. Yeah, you want to come back to the onion. You wanna talk about onions? Sorry. You know, as a co-host? No, as a co-host, I wouldn't cater to you. Let's talk about onions, you want it. We're like, one of us. I can't even eat them.

They caused me GI distress. Let's move on, let's move on. Sorry. I just had an 80-d moment. What else do they grow there? Lots of things. Do you know Gabe? Oh God, there's, I mean, it's a whole, you know,

there's all kinds of different things that they could, there's so many fields. I mean, it's endless. Turnips probably. Sure. Yeah, are we good? Yeah, we go. There's a lot. There's a lot. Yeah, cabbage, probably, whatever, right?

I don't know about cabbage. Whatever, right? So, yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, we weren't there in Viceroy. Sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't know but we weren't there in Vicer they're in by salia farming lady I just didn't know they had like I didn't know comedy was a thing in by salia but you know now I do well you know what my god they didn't have like a club yeah there was no club there but a promoter a old friend of mine named Leonard Velasquez had a has still

because he still puts on shows, his own promotion, and he would put together shows at, I wanna say it was the Radisson, or they changed names. So at the time when I played it, I was the Radisson hotel, and in their ballroom,

they would set up shows on the weekends. And so he'd promote it, and if you got a little bit bigger, then they'd put you in the theater and stuff like that. But yeah, it was Visella. I remember you drive way the hell out there, and just when you thought, you're like, oh, God, it was Vaisela. I remember you drive way the hell out there. And just when you thought you're like, oh, God, there's nothing out here.

Then boom, Vaisela. And you're like, oh shoot, you'd pass like Delano and all these other spots. And those are good times, really good times with those shows. Were you one of those kids? You spent the kids that were mad at me because I did the Latino laugh, Festival? Oh, how funny.

How funny. So in 1990, I wanna to say, that was it, 97, was the first year of the Latino laugh festival, which was like the answer to the just for laughs comedy festival, but for, you know, brown people. Anyway, they did it in San Antonio. And I remember each year that they'd have the festival, they'd have the honorary person who was like not Latino,

but knew how to say a few words, but couldn't count to 15. So, so, 15, yeah. 15, yeah. You made this on Italian. 15, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But no, I remember you being there, and it wasn't like, was it doing, like he wasn't taking nothing from me, but there were some comics that felt like really, you know? But like, how can you get mad, you're there. I could understand if you were home and you're like, man, they said they had room for one more

and they gave it to another guy. And then, okay, then, all right, I get it. The Latino laughing. So we'll be, I felt it when I was there. You did. Felt the pressure. I felt like, no, because people told felt it when I was there. You did. I felt the pressure. I felt like, no, because people told me.

What did they say? Well, Mencia, mainly. But dude, you guys were friends though. I know, but you know, he would say something, hey bro, you know. A lot of people don't like you that you're here. And I know why these people say shit like that. Did you tell him? Did you tell him to help?

Yeah, yeah. But did you tell him the same thing? Hey bro! What the fuck? Yeah, I'm sorry. I got hit at carves and never did nothing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I mean, you know.

Anyway, yeah, I felt it when I was there, but, you know, have you... But were you already opening for him at the time? Yeah. But like, why say that then? You know, I was just- I know. I mean, it was just information that he was giving me. Yeah.

You're mean, some negative information, right? Yeah. So I could prepare myself. I think that's what he was trying to do, is if, you know, you don't feel welcome, you know, I mean, this is the reason why. I mean, I'm sure that was pretty obvious to you. It's like, it didn't need to be reiterated.

No, because I know that the only guy that would hang out with Joey Diaz, Coco would hang out. I remember hanging out with him there. That's how I bonded with him. Did you sleep in a bathtub while he slept on the bed or something like that? No, that was what you're talking about.

What? What? This is another... You're doing your onion thing. I'm in the... Stop doing your onion shit right now, too. You're going to like this and you're like, you're like, what do you think I fucked?

Hey, while we're on the topic, who has the best onions? Like, chilies or freaking, Outback, who has the best blue as the best, you think? Oh, I think Outback has the blossom, the blossom blossom. I think Chili's also has it, too, right? Was it Chili's or, yeah.

Chili's has one, too. What's it? The awesome blossom or the blossom or the blooming onion? Blooming onion. Looming onion. I like the outback one personally. Me too. I don't like it when it's grilled.

I like steak houses. Grilled onions all so you don't like it like in and out when it grilled a great like a crisp one. So I like it raw. Like at a steak house, you know how they have tomato and onions sliced with some vinegar and olive oil. That's how I like it. I don't like it when it's all greasy.

I like the Christmas of it. I owe outback steakhouse so much money. Like I still have all of their cutlery because I used to steal all of their knives and steak knives and forks and spoons when I was in college. And I would just jingle jangle out of there. Yeah, big bags of it. I still have all of it. You're so college. Yeah. And I would just jingle jangle out of there. Yeah. Yeah, like big bags of bags.

I still have all of it. Yeah. You're so good. Anyway. Wait, first of all. What's he doing? What's he doing? Not for nothing.

Little by little, I'm putting some of this together. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, so, oh, I'll sing a banner here, missing Chloe.

I'm definitely. I'm definitely. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, so, oh, so I've never heard you use the word jingle jangle. Oh, you know she's hanging out with now. Oh my god. So silly.

We're going to keep going back to the ocean. I know will because I know why. Please don't go back to the ocean. I want to do your interests. I think it's worth. No, we're onions. I'm so sorry. I know where I'm going after.

But I also remember the moment when I went to myself, I saw y'all was like, oh my god, this guy is a monster. I remember Ned Carlos Maseo did that show at the Universal City. Yes, when it was the Gibson or was Universal City walk and then it became the Gibson. Yeah, yes, many years ago. Yeah, and then we, many, many years ago, and you did a guest spot, so did I, right?

And you were after me. So I thought I killed. You thought. No, I did. I go, oh, fuck. That was the one, right? But then when I saw you go up to it, I mean, it was like destruction. It was like in fucking credible, dude.

And that's in my mind, I'm like, you're like compliments to you. No, no, no, I'm like, thank you. I'm waiting. Yeah. And then here's the last thing I want to say, too. This is what I knew. It was off the scales. I was on the road, and this is what I was on drawing.

I was like playing like, there was a period in when I was in my late 30s. If right before I met you, I would play like, you know, Bart reads, kind of a comic strip or you know, I mean that little mall in San Antonio. The River Center. The River Center. And I remember going to one of those gigs I'm a comic strip or you know what I mean, that little mall in San Antonio, the river center. The river center.

And I remember going to one of those gigs I was walking through a mall and I saw Gabriel Egelecia's kiosk. And I walked up to when I went because he had bobble heads and I was like, all right. And I go, is Gabriel? You know, like as if you were like, you know what I mean?

But he was like, that's what I realized. Oh, it's a company almost. Yeah. Brands. It's a brand. Like you were the first dude to do that, like that I knew, you know what I mean? To do that.

And then now look at you. Is there anything else you wanna do? You know what, I was actually having that conversation this morning. As far as like brand, like merchandising and stuff like that, I think I've covered it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I like to spend the money. I'd like to actually, you know, clearly I wait for King Senyera's and birthday parties to do that. But even then, I'm like, I feel like I'm sharing it.

By throwing a party, I'm sharing that with with other people. Because I can't eat all that food and enjoy all that myself. I'm more of like, you know, I wanna enjoy it. Wait, how old is Vinnie? Vinnie is 12. But does he get a version of a quinceignato when he turns 15?

No, he's a boy. He's a bicep on love them. Yeah, but his panic boys don't get and you know what also with Vinnie I think that Something for him would be if I was to get someone to babysit Risa Yeah, so that he could just it could just be the two of us because he just wants to be with me Be all up on me like he st all upon me. Like he's there, I mean, he just stairs. And you could just tell, he's just like, I love you. You know what I mean?

Like, that's it. Like, yeah. And if he sees me get up off the couch, he's, you know, where are we, where are you going? Everything is where you're going, can I come? Yeah, yeah. And so, yeah, with him, I think I would just need to have one on one time.

Yeah. He would want that more than a party. Cats are different. I have one cat, Bojo. And he looks at me like this, but the look is, who are you? I feel like sometimes my cat doesn't even know who the fuck I am. I don't know, I mean, I do, I mean,

you can do cats get like spinal bifida and stuff. I'm sure cats can suffer a lot of the stuff in the stomach. I don't have issues like all of us. Yeah, I'm not a vet, dude. I don't know, man. Yeah, but us. Yeah, I'm not about a vet, dude. I don't know, man. You know what I mean? Yeah.

But do you use what I fear, though? And I hate to drag it down to this level. But it's like, I've never, because the seven animals I have right now are the real only animals I've ever owned. So I've never been through a passing, you know, the devastation of that. Is that unhealthy to think about? When I look at my animals,

like, oh my God, they're gonna die one day. And you're gonna have seven heartaches? I'm gonna have seven heartaches. Heartaches, yeah. Down the road. And I don't know. It does suck. You can't do that.

I think about it all the time. I feel very, very fortunate that I have a almost 17 year old dog. Because I know a lot of people that lost their pets at either dogs that specifically around, you know, eight, nine, 10. And I'm like, I've had my dog twice as long as, you know, some of these people, you know, and I've chosen to have smaller dogs because, you know, it's worked out for me.

It's easier to take care of, but I feel lucky that smaller dogs have more longevity. You know, do they go on the road with you or no? My dogs live on the road with me. They live on the road with me. I had one dog that lived to be almost 19. We actually had to put him down. And the only reason we put him down was he went five days without eating or drinking,

and I'm like, the poor guy's suffering. And then anytime you try to pick him up, you know, it was pain. It was pain. It was just pain and that sucked. So that was one of the dogs that I had. Another dog, he lived to be 15, which still is really, really good, but unfortunately, you know, he got sick and passed and now I have a 12 year old and I have the almost 17.

And the vet, my dogs, by the way, they got better healthcare than my family. Okay, I take them to the vet twice a month. Wow. Twice a month, they get injections of like vitamins and just, no, seriously, you're laughing, dude. I know. They get, I take my dogs to the same place.

Genie bus takes her dogs, the same place where, down. You know, the Lisa Vanderpomp, it's the the place to go if you wear where is it? It's a well there's a couple spots I was a Santa Monica yeah cuz he's got a couple locations. Yeah, yeah, I mean we gotta do we have good doctors yeah we do we do okay good good cuz I want the best like yeah he has stubs just went to vet today and you didn't know about it oh he did and he got bit by a spider on his snout. Yeah. So he has a little like blood pimple there. Oh well. Yeah. That's a thing. Yeah. Okay. A spider bite. Okay. Yeah.

Oh I would. But anything that goes wrong with my dogs, I don't flinch. With me. Yeah. I'm like, I could have a gash and I'm like, ah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Pressure. You know, but anything happens with my dogs, man. They're there. And they sleep in the same bed. Yeah. Well, I put a gash and I'm like, ah. I'm just up just pressure, you know. But anything happens with my dogs, man. They're there. And they sleep in the same bed. Yeah, well I put a dog bed on the bed and I put them in to create a boundary. Otherwise, you know, if I roll over, that's it.

You know, I'm not trying to be like, ha ha, but. Yeah, yeah. My dogs are the size of this little box right here. So they like to, they like to burrow and tuck in. Oh, right. And all it takes is the sneeze or a fart and then I, yeah. You know, so I put them in their bed.

They're busy stuff like that, but they're still at the same level. That's all they want is to be able to see you and be close to you. Yeah. That's fucking amazing. But yeah, they live on the road. They're always on a tour bus. They're always on an airplane. They're always, they're go, go, go.

Yeah, yeah. And then, um, so you do tour buses, mainly? Yeah. So I'll take a fly. Yeah, we'll fly private to the to the location where the bus is and then the bus picks us up Drives us to the few locations that we need to go to and then on the last day the plane is waiting for us and then flies us home Well, because me and Andrew I've been doing a tour bus and they told me not to poo Oh, that is a number one rule. So yeah, if you gotta go number two, but I poo. If you go number two, you gotta, you either gotta tell the bus driver to pull over

so you can go to or do a thing called a hot bagging. What's hot bagging? The hot bagging is when you're on the bus or RV or whatever and there's the toilet. And if you gotta go number two, you gotta get a plastic bag like from the grocery store and you gotta basically line the toilet. And you. got to go number two, you got to get a plastic bag like from the grocery store and you got to basically line the toilet and you'll take it with you. Yeah. So you go in the bag and then you tie it like a like a little party bag for a dog. Yeah. And then take it

out. Take it off the butt. Yeah. For the morning, I was, you know, I gave Andrew the back. Right? So I was on the side. I woke up, it's like four in the morning, we're in Montana, some driving somewhere, right? And I had the urge. But it was a 10-second window. There was no going to the driver. There was nothing. I had to make a decision. And the decision was to poo without the bag. I get it. And I get it. The raw dog the toilet. I rock. The raw dog you put in.

Yeah. And it got pregnant, dude. Yeah. It got pregnant. Little tiger belly. Yeah. Right. But then I thought, this is going to be fine.

I went back and I could smell it from my, so D were right. They were right. You shouldn't do it. So that is the role, especially when leasing, and if there's only one toilet. Yeah. That was for me my biggest flex. I was having a conversation with Bert Kreischer,

and we're having this talking about, you can't go number two. I said, I go number two all the time, and they're like, how? Yeah. So there's two bathrooms, and I own the bus, so I do what I want. I go, that's my flex, as I go.

And as a matter of fact, I refuse to use the gas. You bought your own bus. I bought my own bus. Oh, my own bus. And my toilet in the back, it's not like a regular, like an RV toilet with a little, you know, the cover that opens. It's a legit flushing toilet.

There's like an actual, there's plumbing. Yeah, so you do So you do it. Oh yeah, do people on the, who's on the point? And because it's a real toilet and real plumbing, you don't smell anything. Whoa. Because it's its own separate, you know, tank. Whereas the one on the front, yeah, that's still RV status.

But the one on the back, that's mine. So it's like, it's a toilet, shower, sink, and then closet. If I was on the bus with you, I was on the side. Oh, nobody would get used to it though. So if you had been like, dude, well, because it's mine. In the back, I understand yours, but in an emergency situation,

if I'm in the fucking bus and I wake you up, I knock on the door, I go, hey, yo, Gabe, it's a 15 second window of opportunity here. Can I use your thing? You would still say no? I would tell you to just go ahead and use the one on the front. What, that's betrayal? No, no, because you would tell me and then I'm and use the one on the front. What, that's betrayal.

No, no, because you would tell me, and then I'm like, I gotta make a choice, because I don't know how bad you're gonna bring it. I don't know if it's just gonna be like a little, you know, a little cylinder, or if you're gonna bring freaking lava, I don't know what the level is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If I tell you the level, but do you really know?

I do know. I know my body, dude. You know, I thought I did. I thought I did, and I recently know. I know my body. You know, I thought I did. I thought I did. And I recently found out I don't know me as well as I thought. If it's a 15 second window, it's going to be green apple splatters. There's nothing like if, what do you know what her fruit? Onions and apples. It's not going on with it. If it's an emergency, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not gonna be great. Like it's, I think you're right.

But I think you would've gone, just go straight, don't even wake me up. And then later on, go, by the way, Gabe, sorry. Oh yeah, that's what I would do. Yeah. Are there other people on the bus with you? And there's two buses. Ah.

It shouldn't be this many this time. At one point, we had five. Whoa. And so now it's just the one. Yeah. Yeah. My older tour director, I look, I look carried away with the card. Yeah. That's a nice story.

I'm not sure. I needed five buses. I'm like it's one comic. I paid the C. But yeah. So yeah, for the most part, it's one to three four. About four other people on the bus, including a driver. Yeah, I just, those were my first tour on our own with that. It was, it was in terms of like how much a bus costs.

And even like, even, you're looking at a minimum to at least a bus 10K a week. Yeah. It was, I think we had to give like a $100,000 down payment or something on it, it was crazy. You know, here's another thing that you did for me and you probably don't remember those. I was in Canada and I was in a chic, I think I played like a yucky-yucky or something, right? And I was, they dropped me off way early at the airport.

I was in a really bad mood. And also, I think I had coach had coach Okay, I'm at the airport So funny. Why is it funny? I mean like the rough seating not the bag, right? No, not the bag yeah, yeah, yeah, I was like middle seat, you know I was just in a and the weekend wasn't that great, right? I didn't draw whatever. I was in a state, right? Sitting there, just alone, bombed, right? And I look at my proof, right? And I see you.

I see you. And you're with a couple of other guys. And we hogging this and that. How you doing this and that, right? And you go, come on with us, because we got to go on the airplane, before you of mean, everyone else.

And I just, that uplifted my mood. Oh, this is when you were like zone five, boarding. I was zone five. Yeah, I was zone five. Yeah. Zone five, and you let me walk on the board with you. It made me feel so special. It really did.

And also uplifted my spirits. And you don't remember that, do you? That was a long time ago. I know. That was a long time ago. You forgot. I forgot. I'm sorry.

But it sounds like something I would do. Yeah, no, of course you didn't sound that a character. Yeah, of course you did that, you know. And every time your name comes up, I've never heard you do, you're no wars with anybody, right? I try not to. And the people that have differences with me, I try not to bring their names up,

because I think if you say their names, enough times, they'll show up, like Beetlejuice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Voldemort, yeah. I was dating myself on the Beetlejuice thing. Yeah. Because we had heard like, that one we were coming up, you know, you would hear like,

you know, men see a having a problem with George Lopez or so and so having a problem with this person, right? I don't hear those kind of rivalries anymore. Is it because of the internet? I don't, what's, do you hear those anymore? I think that a lot of it had to do with the fact that there were so few comedians back then. You know, I think the reason why there's so many now is because of social media, because

of the internet, because everybody's watching that go, I want to do that, or I can do that, you know, whereas the same thing back then with rappers, you know, it's like there was a small group, everybody knew each other and I feel like that was the same thing back then. We all knew who each other was. We're now, I'm like, who the hell is this dude with a guitar? Who's this guy? Who's this? I'm one dude with the hat. Like, there's always like, I mean, look at you when I said coincidence. But it's like, there's so many new people out there and it's hard to keep up.

I did a run of six, six months of clubs this year to restart. After the Dodger Stadium thing, I said, I just want to go back to clubs.. I wanna restart and build a new set at a club, not on the road working out, you know, the big shows. Let me go back to just clubs. And a lot of these clubs, I'd have people coming up to me afterwards and they're like, big fan, this and that, by the way, I do comedy too. And I'm like, but it was happening every single show,

everywhere I went, more and more people are like, I'm doing comedy too. I'm like, really? That many? Yeah, there's. I'm like really that many yeah, there's a lot there is a lot there's a comedians out there and there's a lot of opportunities for places to perform whereas back in the day and I said like that back in the day there's a lot of opportunities where you know I feel like back then there there wasn't as many or you had to create your own place to perform, know somebody with the room,

or have an in somewhere. Yeah, because when we started, comedy clubs were closing. You know what I mean? Like, San Diego only had one at the time, which is the La Jolla comedy store. Now there's a bunch of places to go out. And I remember in La Jolla, there was a place around the corner.

There was a place around the corner that I think used to be a comedy club, and I think it was like a moon doggy or something. It was an improv. It wasn't an improv. It was an improv. It was in Pacific Beach. It was like 10 minutes away, five minutes away from the comedy store.

And it completely closed down. And now it was a moon doggy. It was a part. Yeah, it was a moon doggy, for sure. But that used to be an improv. But I saw back then in the late 80s, I used to see, you know, when I graduated from high school, like 91, not eight, late 80s, like 91, Bobcat Goldworth, Brian Regan, I saw him at that improv, and then it completely closed. So, like I said before, when we started,

everything was dead. So it's like, that's why going to the Latino laugh festival as a Korean dude was, you know, because white people and white clubs and the black rooms, they didn't want me. And I've said this before. It's like prison. Yeah. The Hispanic. Yeah, I know right.

Yeah. Hey, hold me. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the his best, like, I'll fuck with Chino. You know, you know, and you guys brought me in. And without that, I just, I don't know if I would have been able to survive because not only were things closing down and there were no opportunities to go up, you know, I mean, without them, I would have been fucked, man. Without, you know, that's why, you know, I'm grateful

to Mensia and stuff. Oh, so back to like to Mincea and stuff. Oh, so back to any feuds and stuff like that. I remember in the beginning, it was the big three. It was Paul Rodriguez, George Lopez, and Carlos Mincea. They had actually done a tour together called the three amigos tour. They were trying to do the same thing they did

with the Kings of Comedy. The Kings of Comedy had a lot of success by having these great big comedy acts, these headliners working together doing arenas. And God, what was the name of the promoter from Houston? Mark Babbitt. Mark Babbitt. So Mark Babbitt, I don't know what he's doing now,

still owes me money, by the way. Yeah. Rick and Mark, it was a good dude. Anyway, they were trying to do the same thing with those acts. And there was a few markets. Anyway, they were trying to do the same thing with those acts and there was a few markets where they did shows together. And all I heard about those shows was how uncomfortable the backstage area was.

Yeah. And it's unfortunate because it's like, you know, there's room for everybody. There's room for everybody. And it didn't need to get to an uncomfortable place. I mean, that's an interesting point because it's like, now there's different opportunities that we have, but they pit us against each other. Because even with Asians, I mean, up until 10 years ago,

it was like, like there was one part a year and can't always got it. Right. And when you have that, like, here's one thing. If it means anything, I've seen him naked too. Don't ask. I don't know it. Right. And when you have that like, here's one thing. If it means anything, I've seen him naked too. Don't ask. I don't know what it is. Yeah.

I wanna see if I've seen any Hispanic guys' penises before. Never. I've never seen Nets Pienis or Paul Rodriguez's penis. No, hey man, you know? Yeah, that's not your thing. No, no. I'm not gonna lie, it almost happened earlier when I thought this was the restroom.

I told them, I'll go do it, I'm dying, where's the bathroom? And then he goes, oh, it's right there. And then I opened up the door and I saw you guys. And I'm like, oh shoot, I was already gonna, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You think it has anything to do with Asian parents always being naked around us?

You know, you did what your dad always, always naked around. Okay, so my mom was always naked around me. So it's like, maybe you just kind of mimic that? Yeah, I mean, I caught my dad with toilet paper, they called it Korean kite, I've talked about it. Yeah. He would have toilet paper stick on his ass hole.

Korean kite? Yeah, because he had a toilet, because his asshole would get so moist, he would lodge toilet paper. It would come out like a tail. Yeah, like a tail. And he would like, and he used to get drunk and do these rage like beatings. Family beating. Family beatings.

You know, beating time. And he would just run around with this fucking thing. And we would run around the house, right? With his tail? With his tail. And he have a golf club, right? It was traumatic. Dude, I hated it. And that was every day, you know what I mean? I want to, you know, Steve. My dad came, my brother had a kid named Oliver in his room. I tell you about this.

Yeah. And my brother was playing this Casio keyboard too loud. My dad came in completely naked, Korean kite. Took the Casio beat my brother with it. All the keys flying all over the place. And as he turned around, all over my brother laughed so loud,

because they saw the kite, and he did another round. It was around a meeting. Yeah, he did another round. For laughing at him. Yeah, for laughing at him. Wow. Yeah, for me, it's like I had a, you know,

I mean, I don't know what your childhood was your childhood. Were you raised by my mom? And fortunately to, you know, I mean, I don't know what your childhood was your childhood. Were you raised by my mom? Just my mom and fortunately to, you know, the day she died, I never saw nothing. Nothing. I mean, I remember one time my mom had a thing where she's a little bit of cleavage and I'm like, oh, God, I fucking love. No. Yeah, yeah.

But was she a single mom? What happened to your dad? My dad was out of the picture. My dad was a mariachi. He was an entertainer. He traveled the world. Love El Marra. And you know, they met one night in Diwana and TJ and, you know,

mm-hmm. And then you? Yeah, I'm the last of six, but I'm the one with a different dad. So everyone else had their dad and then I had the magical one, apparently. And it's funny because I knew my dad up until I was maybe three, four years old and then he was out of the picture

and I didn't get a clean explanation of what was going on. I just knew that he wasn't there, but my mom was, she was a gangster man, she handled everything. I never felt like I was lacking a father figure because she just handled, there was no lack of love in the house. Every day was like, you know, big hugs, big kisses on the forehead. I love you.

Let's go get something to eat. What do you need? She gave me, you know, she gave me my own room. We had a one bedroom apartment and she let me have the room by myself. And I'm just like, I get kicked later on in life. I'm like, what the hell?

Like she did so much. So my father was in the picture up until December. Whoa, whoa. Yeah, December. We did a show in Mexico and a cousin of mine reached out and said, hey, you know, I'm here having dinner with your dad. And I'm like, oh, and you hadn't seen it for how long?

15 years. Whoa. 15 years ago, plus, he had a friend in L.A. who brought him up to the comedy magic club to see me perform. And it was crazy because on backstage, and Richard, the manager at the club, comes up to me and he goes,

Gabe, listen, there's a guy in the crowd and he's telling people he's your dad. Oh my God. Another one that wants money or tickets, right? What does he want? Don't give him a DVD. That's back then. So he goes, yeah, the he's your dad. Oh my God. Another one that wants money or tickets, right? What does he want? He'll give him a DVD. That's back then. So he goes, yeah, the guy's been real.

He's been very insisting and I'm like, really? I go, come on Richard. How long you know me? It's somebody just being an ass. So after the show was over, I was outside doing a meet and greet. And so people were coming up to me and they're like, hey, were you signing this or signing? You don't take pictures and stuff like that.

And a sure shit, my manager at the time, Pat Buckles. Pat Buckles was my manager at the time. She comes up to me and they're like, hey, what are you saying this? You don't take pictures and stuff like that. And, sure, shit, my manager at the time, Pat Buckles. Pat Buckles, my manager at the time. She comes up to me, she goes, hey, if there's a guy in the back claiming to be your daddy's waiting in line to meet you, and I'll just be honest with you, the eyes. It's the eyes. It's trust me.

And I, and my heart dropped. And I still had to finish my meet and greet and I'm like, oh my god He's holding a DVD in the line. You know, it's like what am I gonna write on the freaking DVD? Hey, how you been? So once you saw him did you know? You know what I told her to tell him look right now. It's not good He's working and he understood that so we got his info and we actually had dinner with him the next night at the comedy magic Love Richard set it up for me. We had a nice little meeting. We sat down and we just you know and previous to that and see him since you were a child. Yes, wow You know, it was funny because he made the joke that yeah, because I made fun of him being the guy in the top at the old bottle

Because he was a mariachi. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And when I said, mom, you got any pictures of my dad? Yeah. And my mom was like, he looks like that. You know, that's it. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Wow. So anyways, I had all those uncomfortable questions and answers 15 years ago. Yeah. And I just lost touch with them. And what was that like that first meeting or that first dinner?

It was very conflicting because I had always been upset, but I didn't know why I was upset. Everybody made me feel like my dad not being there automatically meant that, you know, if for some reason he were to try to come back into the picture, not forget this dude, he was never there. But again, I never got a clean explanation from my mom. It was more so emotional. And you're taught, don't question your parents back then. You don't get, this is how it is, and that's it.

And you're okay. Yeah. There was no back and forth, so everything my mom said, you know, I just took it. And it wasn't until I had a chance to talk to my dad and work through issues at that dinner. And so, and keep in mind, it was a little bit more challenging because he only spoke English and my Spanish was, you know, fuck, you know, he only spoke Spanish.

He only spoke Spanish. And my Spanish was still like, you know, it was if I could order food, but I couldn't, I couldn't have like a meaningful conversation. He gets emotionally deep. Yeah, so I had my girlfriend with me who was very fluent, so she was very helpful in getting the conversation going. Yeah, yeah, you know Get helping out. We're some of those answer questions answered you think. I you know what? Yes, because I had so much hatred for my dad But I didn't know why again and so

Knowing that you know now I I see it differently because I see it through the eyes of an entertainer. I see now like, wow, okay, all right. I think about my mom and my mom hooking up with somebody that's an entertainer, they're traveling, they're working every night, they're on stage, the attention, the back and forth, and I'm like, yeah, I think my mom might have, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I kind of just like, you know what, the past is the past, I get it. You know, I'm good. Thank you for sitting with me. Thank you for explaining to me. And we're good, you know, I was good. Yeah, I didn't stay in touch with them, no, because he was in fact a stranger to me.

And just like, you just, yeah, we looked the same. And, you know, if I need a kidney, fuck, I'll call you. But yeah, yeah. But did you see real similarities? Like his mannerisms or the way he spoke or his cadence? You know what, super charismatic. Super charismatic, you could tell he carries himself. It's almost regal the way he carries himself.

Interesting. He's not sloppy. He's very much like, non, and very much like, you know, he's old school. The guy's 80 years old now. Wow. And even now when you talk to him, he's, again, very charismatic.

He knows how to take a table and just start talking to everyone and he's super engaging. So I can see when my mom was like, you know, she got all. Yeah, you know, did he have other kids or no? He won't, yes, he had two daughters and I met them in December. So the thing was, my cousin reached out and I says, look, this is awkward for me, you know,

I'm done with that chapter, I didn't stay in touch. But then when I found out I had two sisters, I said, you know what, maybe this is a chance, you can see that earlier in the conversation talking about wanting a kid, this was already after that kid thing and the dog thing, and let me try to find something real to attach myself to. Oh, wow.

And so I invited him to come out to the show in Mexico City on the condition that he brought my sisters. And then I also have nieces. So it was like all these people that showed up. Yeah, you did. Yeah, so it was really, really cool. And they were super nice. And the fact that I approached them,

not them approaching me, made all the difference in the world Yeah, so it was really, really cool. And they were super nice. And the fact that I approached them, not them approaching me, made all the difference in the world because it wasn't like them, because I get a lot of people saying they're family members and they just want money. Yeah, I need help. And you know, I'm gonna go see us.

I had one cousin, cousin, who actually had he go see us tattooed on his arm right here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hold it up like a, like, look, we're related. Same name. I'm like like come on bro Yeah, and then what so they came backstage also No, we actually sat down and had a nice dinner and and you know, we talked and I told him I go look I go

I Feel like I'm a lot more mature and I feel like we can have a real conversation now versus back then where it was all emotional. And it was very, very cool. It was very, very friendly. It was very positive. There was no arguing. There was no, like, you know, all the, all the,

what the fuck's, sorry, I don't mean to do it like men see it. What the fuck? All the, all the, what the hell's? Yeah. We're already gone by that point. And it was, it was just nice to connect. It was a sweet fucking thing. And so we hung out, had multiple dinners while I was there in town. They came to the show.

So it was nice. I have not stayed in touch, and I think that's out of fear. Because I don't know. You know, the guy is now 80. My sisters have their own lives. Yeah. But I just don't know. Because there's so much going on in my life

where I feel like so many people were in, we were close, and now they're on the outside. And I'm like, am I good or bad in their lives, you know? And so. Yeah. It's a complex situation, dude. Mm-hmm. And, but it's still beautiful, man. You know, I'm so happy for you in that way, you know what I mean?

Because it's like, you know, I would want to know and I wouldn't want to know those things as well, you know what I mean? And I mean, for me, it's like, I don't know, I just, I got goosebumps who we were talking about, man. It's fucking amazing, dude. Yeah, so all those, you know, you do it in Spanish in Mexico City or you English? No, I'd perform in English I can speak Spanish, but it's I feel like you lose a lot in the translation and I have attempted to do shows

Like I work with a guy named Francois Camilla who's huge in Latin America and even here when he does his shows I think I bet him you probably did because he hung out there was a guy. Jesus trail. Yes was hang out with a dude That's huge in Mexico. Worklasses tall. Yeah, was he guy, Jesus Treho. Yes. Was hanging out with a dude that's huge in Mexico. Worklasses tall? Yeah, was he kind of long here? I don't know. Weird looking almost. Ha ha ha ha.

Hey, nice subtle. That was very, very, very, very clear. It probably wasn't him that first subtle. There was one guy that he was hanging out with that was a big Mexican comedian, but he had a weird like... Energy? No, no, no, had a weird like... Energy? No, no, no, you look weird.

I think he was handsome. Like in a cool way though. Like a hipsterie. Okay. So for like, you know what, fuck it dude. Onions or... I think I just had an onion moment. Can you pull him up?

Franco is coming in. And then we'll do like, they do it at the police station. We'll do like, they do it at the police station. We'll do it like they do at the police station. Franco, F-R-A-N-C-O-S-C-M-E-A. God, it's E-S-C-A-M-I-A. Double L, yeah. Oh, come here, M-I-L-L-A. S-C-M-E-O.

There, let's kind of call a pino. Bobby. That's not who you described. That wasn't him, that wasn't him. That wasn't him. Yeah, yeah. I gotta fucking know, I'm gonna call. Okay, well, why you got him up there? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, why wasn't him. That wasn't him. That wasn't him. That wasn't him? Yeah, yeah. I got a fucking no. Okay, well, why you got him up there?

Why you got him up there? Shout out. He's one of the biggest comedians in the world. He does his shows in Spanish and what was really cool is that one time when we got a chance to meet each other, we were talking about doing shows in each other's languages. So like, so he had this big show in Mexico City and we did this challenge where I said, all right, how about I do a show with you and I'll do my show all in Spanish and you do a show with me and you do it all in English. And we decided to do it on two really big stages. So, the one

that we did in Mexico City was for the taping of his Netflix special, Adon Arena in Mexico City. And I did 10 minutes all in Spanish. Wow. And then when I did staple center, when it was still staple center, he came out and he did 10 minutes all in English. Wow. And we both agreed at the end that we should never do that.

No. Why? You were nervous as far. You know what? I liked it because it made me nervous and I had not felt nervous doing comedy in so long. It literally felt like my first year. Wow.

Because I'm like, I'm, I'm, I'm, I think I even went over notes. And I'm like, oh wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I was very, very nervous. And yeah, I mean, I was able to get some laughs, but it's different. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like I'm funnier in conversation in Spanish.

I'll be some stupid. You can't crush this. There's no way you can crush this hard. No, you need that calm down. And both of us were very much like, okay. That's it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're setting Korean?

Oh, there's no way. So difficult. An you guys say, no, Naga, Somgweo. How do you say paper, kite? No, I don't know. Oh, okay. I don't explain that. I can't do it Naga, Somley, oh. How do you say paper, kite? I don't know. Oh, okay. I don't explain that. I can't do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm already panicking. You even think about it, there's no way I'd fucking be able to do it. There's no way. When you play those gigantic places, though, how do you, because I opened up for a cigarette six months ago in Canada. And he was doing like 15,000, you know, I mean, and I've never

like played those kind of things before. How do you connect? It's just a sea of darkness, right? To you or no? You know what? Sometimes you can you can see it at the back, but it's for the most part. Yeah, it's it's very dark and the room is cavernous. Yeah, yeah. For me, I learned to rely on the video and sound. If you got really good video and sound, you know, that's what's gonna connect you to the back of the room. They can see you, they can hear you. So you got to make sure, like, for example, a Dodger stadium.

Oh my god, that's so fucking ridiculous. Oh my god, that's insane. Fucking insane. I posted that picture and people start circling little heads like, this is me. Yeah. So having those giant screens and having the sound system is crucial to having a good set

and having people have a good experience. You can cut corners, you can get a whatever sound system, you can get a whatever video system. you can get a whatever video system, and you know what, ultimately you're gonna, you're only screwing yourself. That's why I make sure I spend the money to have the best stuff, because ultimately if the people have a good experience,

they'll want to come back. And you want everyone in the room to be able to feel you and hear you. And yeah, so when we do the big shows, there's no less than four cameras in the room so that they're always catching the angles and everybody's taught to be, to keep me in a certain, you know,

you have the same crew. We don't need a whole full body. They keep it very tight. Because everything that happens facially or with my hands, so it's, you know, and yes, being consistent, that's why we had five buses at the time. Wow.

Do you ever think though that your, is there a show where you're going? I don't think I'm doing that great, or is it always crushed? I always doubt myself. I think anytime you think you always like, you're bringing it, I think that you're, you know, delusional.

Every show can't be a great show, and you have to know that, okay, this're bringing it, I think that you're delusional. Every show can't be a great show, and you have to know that, okay, this one this way, this one this way, this one this way, but at the end of the day, I feel like, even if I have a set that I feel is mediocre, at best, I still feel like it was a good enough show. I don't feel like I robbed anybody. Oh, right, right, right, right.

You know, because the shows are always long, the shows are always, you know, and it's not just me, I bring out a nice assortment of comics out there for people to see and meet. I feel like the room and the sound and the lighting and all the videos and everything that goes into it, it's a show, it is a show.

And, but yeah, I'm very hard on myself. So, at the end, I feel like, you know, I always notice that one, you had that guy didn't stand up. Yeah, yeah. And then the guys are in the back, I think some problems is like, don't worry about it. Couldn't get everybody. Yeah, yeah, I won't get it. Want to get up. Yeah. Yeah, there's just no, it's it's almost like when you're up there, you're like, you're like, I can't even you just kind of, I mean, I've been doing comedy long enough

to know instinctually how the rhythm goes and this and that. Yes, you learn your set and you know the peaks and the valleys. You know when to anticipate the laugh, you know more or less the strength of the material and you know like, okay, these are the bits to get this big spike and these are the ones

that get me through. Right. And so yeah, but if you don't get those laughs at those certain points, then you're like, oh, shoot, pay the, pay the, pay the, pay the, pay the, pay the, pay the, pay the, pay the, pay the, pay the, wow, it's so fucking interesting, man. Let's do, no, let me ask you something.

First of all, I wanna, you know, I wanna be friends with the amount. And I wanna be friends with the amount. No, just listen. Okay, that's all I'm saying. Listen, I'm saying be friends with the amount. No, just listen. Okay, that's right. Listen to what I'm saying, right? Because, you know, I've been, you know, I just feel like I've been doing my own thing

for a very long time and I really like you Gabe and I'm gonna reach out more often, I think. What do you think? I think that's a good idea. I think that's a good idea. Don't avoid that. No, no, I mean, first of all, I mean, I feel like I used to run into you a lot more, you know, back in the day at the store.

A lot of people don't know that Bobby actually had the best time slot for the longest time at the store, you know. And unless you're doing comedy, you don't really know that. But I would always run into you and then I'd always catch up with the latest drama, because every time I'd show up something that just popped off. Which is one of the main reasons why I stopped going to the store for so many years. I'm like, this is toxic.

You know, I'm going up here and there's a bunch of different clicks. There's always different clicks. I was like, okay, there's this group of people, comics over here, comics in this and that, the bar area, there's this click. And I remember I showed up and I, God, what was it? They were recording you,

because the whole thing had just popped off with the men's CEO Rogan thing. Oh yeah, they were recording you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm back and I'm like, oh my God. What did he do? You know? And so it's like you were always there.

I was always in the mix-up of things. You're always in the center. Why am I in the center of chaos? Nice. Yeah, yeah. No more though. So, you know, earlier you were talking about beefs and fights and stuff like that.

I'll tell you someone who I almost got into a fight with at the comedy store and it was my fault. I had gotten an intro to go up on stage from a guy named Dom Baris. And the introduction that he gave me, he was, you know, I felt was very disrespectful based on the way he was bringing me up and making it sound like I wasn't shit.

And I took it very personal the way he brought me up. And I'm like, really? So then, you know, I had just that night, I had done the comedy magic club, the ice house, the Lafactory, Melrose, the improv, and I finished like, at one o'clock in the morning at the store. So I had done all the clubs,

because the next night I was gonna do the tonight show. And so when Don freaking brought me up all messed up, I got pissed off, and I was like, dude, really? And I said, you know, I did this, this, this, this, this tonight, because I'm doing the tonight show. I said, I'm gonna do the tonight show tomorrow night, and you'll still be here. I said, so think about that. And then afterwards I go, you know what?

That was harsh. I shouldn't have done that. And so, oh, so, check this out. So then a few months later, I had knee surgery, and I showed up at the club, and I'm on a crutch, and Don confronted me, he's like, well, so, he wanted to get into it. And I'm like, I'm like, I'm hobbling on one leg. I'm like, this is the wrong night. It's the wrong night.

And so I was like, you know, I held it like a back up and the people were like, separate, I'm separated. So fast forward, God, I don't know how many years, years later, like easily 10. Yeah. I was at the store and it was when, do you know when they opened up that little bar in the back, that little secret little secret?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, probably 10, 12 years ago, maybe, yeah, yeah. They had just, they were telling me about it, and they took me back there and I was, I was hanging out with Ron White and I, I forget what the comic it was, but I started drinking and I had asked the manager somebody, his dumb bear is still doing shows here. Yeah. And the guy goes every

night. And I'm like, I kind of figured he'd still be here. Yeah. What a dick, right? I said, can you please call him over? And Don came about to the, came into the room and you know, again, it'd been years since that went down. And I told him, I go, Hey, look, man, I go, I just want to say sorry. I go, I think that I, you know, I shouldn't have been that way with you. You didn't really know me, I didn't really know you, and I just want to apologize for talking to you that way.

I felt like it was disrespectful, and I shouldn't have done that. Yeah. I feel bad for it, and I'm sorry. And he was really, really nice, very receptive, I think enough time had passed, but I think he was shocked too. He's like, oh, what is he gonna tell me? Yeah, I'm like, you know, so, but yeah.

So Don, if you're watching dude, again, publicly, but you know, I apologize for being, but Gabe, I would have done the same thing you did. Yeah. It's disrespectful. Okay, don't throw that. That was the, Don, Okay, don't throw that. Don't try to re-hash the man. He's like, back to re-hash this dude.

Hey, don't fuck you. I don't know what it is. You'll never fucking do that again, bro. Sorry. I love Don. Okay. Don't make me wait. It's so understandable, though, it's why you did it.

It's so understandable. But you're the nicest guy in the world. Everyone loves you dude All right, but I think no matter who you are Yeah, even if you're a nice person you can still have an off night you're right and no one is above being a dick Yeah, all right. I apologize to Kevin Shay I'm sorry You want to say sorry to her first? Yeah, sorry.

Sorry, I'm so sorry. Thank you. I'm so sorry. Yeah. Good buyer and onion. Yeah. You want to plug anything, Gabe? I mean, shoot.

I know we're not allowed to talk about certain things right now, because that's right. Oh, that's right. I like my insurance. I'm shutting it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's a stand up.

He stands up. Oh, I'm always on the road every week. Easiest, I'm showing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, well, stand up and he's stand up, bro. Ah, I'm always on the road every week. Easiest, I'm the easiest comic to find. Just Google the word fluffy. Yeah. Google the word fluffy, I am the number one thing that will pop up on the screen. Fluffy. What?

Check it out. Google fluffy first. Just go to search engine, fluffy. This is cool. Oh, see? Wow. Yeah. Wow, good, SEL. Yeah, amazing. Good to Oh, see? Wow. Yeah. Wow, good.

SEL. Yeah. Amazing. Good to be right. Yeah, what's the first one? Jamestown National Comedy Center. Oh, yeah, I'll be at the comedy museum this week. Oh, you are?

Yeah. Oh, cool. I'll take a picture of you. I'll take a picture of you. I'll take a picture of you. Anyway, give a round of applause. Thank you so much for doing this. You were great. Thank you. It was really, it's a long time coming. All right, so thank you. Give them a round of applause. Thank you so much for doing this. You were great. Thank you. It was really, it's a long time coming.

All right, so thank you. Give them a round of applause. There you go. And over the bathroom. Kisala mad, fiwita buko ba ni ay makabalol Rulong ko ay amado, doon na ba, bong bula Yung bubuki ay to yung