TigerBelly - George Lopez and the Mamón

Episode Date: May 7, 2025

Comedy legend George Lopez returns to the TigerBelly studio. Ernie meets Ernie. We talk Zaddies, tontós, Comedy Store lore, fat-boy tears, caboose philosophy, and that one time George met Santana. PRE-ORDER Special 500th Merch HERE Download the app and sign up with code TIGERBELLY. Take the featured slot for a spin, and explore thousands of others in the DraftKings game library.  Go to www.helixsleep.com/belly 

George dresses good. He dresses good. He dresses good. He dresses good for me. You know what? On your ear cans guys. The thing is you don't want to you don't want to be fucking old and then like everybody can tell you're trying to be young except you. I know. I'm going to the same thing but there's a new word for it. What is that? You know what you and I are, bro Check it out. It's a good one, dude. We're zaddies. Oh You and I are fucking bad Isn't that that fucking place that ships shoes like

There are two things but yeah, we are any what There are two things, but yeah, we are, you know what a zaddy means? That somebody wants to fuck an old man, you know. No, no, no, no. You become like a fetish when you get old enough. You become like an old man. Oh, yeah. This girl said, you know,

I met you a long time ago, but you know now, I think I want to fuck you like in a grandfather way. Is that good or bad? Did that feel good? Fucking get out of the yard, get out of the yard. Fucking coming. You fucking kids. Did that hurt your feelings?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It did, it did. And then you know, first of all, there's more people than when I was growing up, there's more people. On planet Earth? Yeah, or we're in LA, East LA. But also, like, when we went to school in the 70s, And on planet Earth

Like When we went to school in the 70s if you look at those movies There's maybe like three good-looking girls all the movies that have like from back then right there's like three hot chicks Yes, and now they're fucking everywhere. I know There's a lot there's more there's more there's more than know, and then, you know, you're out of the league. It's almost like, you know, like if they said, you know, if Will Chamberlain had played right now, he'd score, you know, fucking whatever, but. Yeah, yeah.

You know, it's tough to find somebody to. I know. I was at dinner and then the waitress said, your daughter wanted to see the dessert menu, I hope it's all right. And I said, I don't give her sugar this late. She's all right, yeah. But like that, like you know, people just assume.

But also, you know, I think the atmosphere puts, or the universe puts things in front of you, whether you see them or not. Like I was on a flight going from Burbank United, like the express or whatever, and then a guy got on with a young chick, hot, he was older, had kind of crazy hair, kind of had nice jeans, nice shoes.

I said, like me. And then they started making out and I was looking at him and I was like, wow. I looked at Brian Keller, I said, hey man, do I look like that? He goes, no, not at all. And since then I probably haven't gone out much. And also the first time that some lady said,

I have my grandkids and you're like, fuck, how old am I? Fuck. You know, remember the comedian, John Fox? Oh yeah. John Fox was like a legend, man. And I called him up and he's like, cause they had a private gig for him

that I didn't want to do because it was more required like somebody like him. And he says, and like edgier. Oh edgier, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was in a hotel suite. I was like, man, I kind of don't do that shit. So I called him up and he says, I had this waitress over from the club last night.

I was fucking her dog, I couldn't come, so I spit on her back. Yeah. Yeah. And then he forgot that there was a mirror right there and she was looking back, what the fuck are you doing? You spit it on her back like I'm a cop. And she could see him. So he told me that, and then he told me no, I said I got that story.

Do you fake orgasm ever or no? No, I can't get it. Couple times. Listen, you gotta get hard enough to fake. Right. Well, we have something for you. We have what? Blue tube.

Blue tube. Oh yeah, and is blue tube, that's not over the counter, is it? It is, no, you have to get a prescription. But we have some if you come. You know, in my day, if you wanted to get hard, you took a nap during the day. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you were hard at night. Yeah, yeah. Or also, you know, when you my day, if you wanted to get hard, you took a nap during the day. And you were hard at night. Or also when you're married and sex, because one of the things that leaves after a certain point, with a lot of people, and then you go to therapy, couples therapy, and they say, why don't you guys try to arrange a night where every week, every night, you're gonna have sex, you're fucking making love. So it became a Wednesday, night, you're gonna have sex.

So it became a Wednesday, and then you're like, fuck, already? Oh, really? Wednesday, all right, all right. What you're saying to me right now, why is Mr. Lopez my master, what you're saying, because I'm learning so much from you today, is that we don't want to do it as much. We don't want to do it as much. We don't wanna do it as much.

So then my wife would get mad, and it's like, you always have an excuse, it's been three weeks now, and then she said to me one time when I was leaving, don't jack off! Right, right, right, right, right. And I said, hey, don't tell me what not to do. So it's like, all of those things go into it,

and also I'll give you some advice that, Please, Master. That a musician told me, after when I got married he said to me you can't tell me what magician he was a guy in this band Santa Esmeralda oh yes they had don't let me be misunderstood yeah okay so he said to me just make sure that your dick gets as hard for home games as it does for road games. Wow, I don't even understand what that means. Can you break it down, master? I don't know what that means.

I don't have any games. Let's hear the table. Andrew, tell me what you think that means. I assume, I mean, I assume this guy's fuckin' a lot and that there's the home game and then your away game is the new team that you're playing But also yes, and also sometimes you can't get hard at home, but you don't have a problem get hard on the road I know comes a thing. Yeah, it's like Arsenal FC. Then we do really good away games

We went to the Bernabeu, oh my god, we did it but this guy is got Yeah, we went to the Bernabéu. Oh my god, we did it. But this guy is got It was Leroy Gomez that told me. Yeah Did you because you what? Yeah, sorry. You were big earlier than I was right way early. I'm not that I'm big What a proper intro No, no, no. This is how we do it. So anyway, we have this piece of shit here. Are you like? Are you like?

Piece of shit? Yeah. No, like where you live, you're all dirty and everything, you've got to go to Chino smell. No, you're clean. Not anymore? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not anymore.

I'm on the hills now. This is a kid from Texas. We fly out to do this and then and then comic and then we have Andrew Lopez he's on his rise up series regular on how many shows are you I'm a recurring on two shows are those the bear and platonic yeah okay those are good shows they're good very good shows yeah yeah, yeah. Congratulations. Yeah, and he's getting fat, and I love it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Me and Bobby switched places.

Yeah, yeah. Like, I... But girls like you, and it drives me crazy. Yeah, you just gotta be nice. I know one girl that's like, I can't get enough of Ander Lopez. Yeah. And she like dreams of you.

I appreciate it. Yeah, yeah. And what's that like? Because you know, that's kind of maybe new to you, maybe? Well, you know, to me, I... Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

The TV help, the TV help. You know, it feels a lot like, you know how you were talking about home games and away games? I feel like I'm still scrimmaging a lot. You know? Like, yeah, I'm still doing a lot of jump balls. Right.

Yeah. You know, when I was on the road, I was making out with this waitress and she said, How long ago? We have to know. That was fucking 25, 30 years ago. She said, I'm so horny, I was making out with this waitress and she said, how long ago? We have to know. That was fucking 25, 30 years ago. She said, I'm so horny, I'm gonna go home and masturbate. I said, well, I could fuck you right here.

She goes, no, I'd rather go home and masturbate. I go with what? Because it does, I don't know, with whatever. Then you prefer that to me? Did you ever hook up with anyone, like a waitress at a club before? Yeah. Okay, so there was this waitress at the Addison Improv,

right, I had sex with her and then I found out that she had sex with a bunch of people, right? Yeah. And then years later came up to me and goes, I've been fucking this waitress at the, in Dallas and I go, oh cool, he goes, he listed all the comics she had sex with, but I wasn't on the list.

Oh. Oh, you're not on the resume. Yeah, so she denied, she's denying that she had penetration with me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Question part two. We're all. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I love question part two. When you did have sex with her, did you feel like you deserved to be on that list? Or did you? Did you perform? How did you perform? Well, first of all, I didn't know about the list. I thought I was the new guy. I thought I was a new car a new car right I really thought I was

Breaking down this Barry. Did she act like you were a new car? Yeah, she made me feel like I don't normally do this and then a couple days later I find out she's done everybody you know I mean and then then years later I found out that I was knowing even in a car that they sold. I mean denied, you know what I mean? Yeah, we don't have a fucking, you know. We have Corollas here. Yeah, Corollas here, yeah.

But why would she do that? I mean, you know, it's the Addison improv. I know, I know, I know. That hotel behind the Addison, do you ever see it? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the worst, I'll tell you the most gloomiest hotel is at the Sacramento Punchline at the residence in. It's so sad.

Oh, that club, I love that club. You crush in that club. But it just, there's a mattress store next to the club. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The sleep train. The sleep train. Yeah.

In the actual thing. But that place has been a long time, so I think maybe the residents in it has dwindled because it's been there for a long, long time. But the club is great. Yeah, I mean, some clubs have to have hotels for, you know, the regular comics. They have a hotel, a special hotel for people

that are selling out, don't you think? Right, yes they do. But sometimes they put you in the same hotel. You just make sure, you know for people that are selling out, don't you think? Right, yes I do. But sometimes they put you in the same hotel. You just make sure when you're selling out to tell them you prefer to stay here. Oh you can ask? Yeah. Oh fuck, I should ask.

Yeah. I'd like to introduce you to Georgia because I didn't yet. You know, he's a sitcom star. He's been a two, really the lead of a sitcom. The current one is called Lopez versus Lopez. And you have my friend, my nerdy friend Al Madger. Yes, anxiety Al.

Yeah, anxiety Al, right? And congratulations, bro. To do it twice. And to bring my daughter along the second time. Oh, she on the show? Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, my real daughter.

Wow. That's pretty good, huh? What is it like working with her? It's great, no, she's good. She worked hard. It's always funny you know. That's not it. A little bit of a mom. That's the first one. Yeah. That one's still very popular you know. Yeah. Well it's a classic. I've been waking kids up at three o'clock in the morning for 25 years. You know what's great about you and your daughter doing it too is that you that how much you guys challenge each other to be better and you see it bleed out. Oh man, thank you.

It's awesome. Yeah, thank you. What do you mean, Andrew? I appreciate that. It's like, I mean, we have a legend next to us who's been doing it for so long, and to be able to bring your family, who's also funny, and then to put them in the NBA,

basically, right away. Right, yeah. It's so sick. Brawny, that's Brawny. That's Brawny. Why does Al get a smaller box? Yeah. I wonder. What's he looking at?

Yeah. You're the dog's bigger than Al. You're gonna break it down. The dog's bigger than Al. Yeah. Look at that. Zoom in so close. He's looking at his agent from CAA going,

this is it. But you don't. Looking at how small the box is. But if you know Al, that motherfucker's hardly ever like that. Is that what I'm saying? Oh, I know, I know. That's right, that's right.

He's. You never see him like that? Never, dude. The first time I met him, George, I'm gonna Oh, I know, I know, that's right, that's right. He's- You never see him like that? Never, dude! The first time I met him, George, I'm gonna say, I was on ManTV, and I was in the lot, and I see a man crying by his car. True story, he'll admit it. What? Right, and I look, and it's Al, but I didn't know him.

Right. And I walk right up to him, and he goes, my show just got canceled. And I go, okay, and he was putting his, like, you know, the parking lot, parking name into his car, right? And I go, okay, and he was putting his parking name into his car, right? And I gave him a hug. And he's been crying since then.

I think so. I think he's afraid to stop because he's doing so well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's a crybaby, but he's a what a funny guy. You know, he says his wife's full name every time he talks about her. Yeah, yeah, yeah, she's great. He doesn't say Christian, he says Christian Madrigal.

Yeah, yeah, and she's half Korean. She's great, half Korean, yeah. Yeah, yeah, they've made me dinner before, you know? And then how's, what is it like being on a show now versus the first show? Oh man, it's all about money, man. It's all about, you know, how much cheaper can we do the show for?

I think it's, I mean, we're going through that right now, and I think it's just, man, it's heartbreaking, you know how much cheaper can we do the show for it? I think we're going through that right now and I think it's just man it's heartbreaking you know because the first show I did in 2002 2001 the president of ABC was Stu Bloomberg and at that time you know Roseanne Grace Under Fire, Drew Carey, Tim Allen and it was about talent that was the last and that was the last TV president I believe that was about the talent first, and then now it's all about money, man. All right, numbers, money, all that stuff, yeah. And how much can we save, and how can you do the show

and keep it as good as it is, but do it for less? Yeah. Just like, man, is that what it's gonna come down to? I think if they decide to pick up a show or not, it comes down to how cheap can you do it, not about the quality of the show. Well, George, it could be the last of its kind. You could be on the last three-camera sitcom,

you know what I mean, because it's like, I can't even tell you what else is on. Well, you know what, they go through kind of waves, though, where multi-cam is all right, and then, you know, like just the whole reality TV thing, then shows about, like, must've married a millionaire, or that stuff kinda goes away, and then things come back and leave and come back.

I hope that stays. But do you like the internet? Because I think that carved into television and film. Well, if more people are working, then I would say, yeah, it's good, it's good. It's just part of the, it's like being in the jungle, man. It's like you're still trying to survive. Yeah, it revived my thing because I was,

I couldn't get a job. I was on two series regulars. They got canceled right away. I think splitting up together lasted a couple, a year and a half, whatever, two seasons, yeah. But it's like, I was like, what the fuck do it am I gonna do and this saved me almost you know But also you know like there's an element of like his shows are great So there's an element of not knowing what anything is gonna be when the bear is a great the bear

Yeah, yeah, yeah, but that dude that dude Wins for best like comedy actor yeah. And everybody gets mad every year like, because the fucking bear's not a comedy. I know. Hacks, they're like hacks, they go crazy in the, I'm like, ah! Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like, no!

I mean, so you, it's just like, man, fucking, it's a great fucking show up beyond for as long as they want to do it. You have lines in it? In what? In the bear. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot? A whole episode, even. Yeah, I mean, I don't want to do it. Do you have lines in it? In what? In the barrier. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

A lot? A whole episode even. Yeah, I mean, I don't want to give any spoilers to the season because it's like you're running a second season. Yeah, yeah. Fourth season. Fourth season. Fourth, but they give you a couple lines.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, they throw me some bones. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you're a talented kid. I've always thought about it. I appreciate it. But going back to what you're saying about the internet, and I actually agree with you that the full circle thing is coming back,

and I think what you're saying about talent is really interesting, because you see that there isn't talent that can lead a show and do the business part while still being funny, but once you find that, you see the gates open up, and I think the internet is a good example of you, because you are talent, and the internet is solidifying that they weren't looking at you

the right way, you know? And I think that like, I think what George is saying is very interesting. There's gonna be someone that shows up that is gonna like, re-change sitcoms for young people. And just like you did when you did it on your first show. His name is Matt Reif.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm getting a lot of work now because of this. I kind of reminded people that, you know what I mean, that I've got the child.

You're still here. No, I. Excuse me? Yeah, people, you know, they know you, man, but if you're, what'd he say? You remind people that you're still here. Like, hey, I'm still here, Bobby Lee. Vice versa, you know?

You too, George. What's vice versa, man? Like what he just said, internet. Wait, wait, wait, wait. I'm still looking for work. Let's hear it out, let's hear it out. Yeah, yeah, let's, I wanna, I have a thought. Okay, what? Give me your thought.

Well, I just gave you my thought. Okay, all right. I wanna say what he said is genius. And I think I agree with him. You really gonna agree with that? Yeah, I totally agree with him. Because, you know, Hispanic people are very bright. I agree, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I see it. But agree with that. Yeah, I totally agree with them because you know Hispanic people are very bright I agree

But there are some there Even to church behind your friend. I've been telling you guys were going. That's why you're the fucking tonto. They keep leaving you behind. You're the fucking tonto. Even to church, nobody wants to take up the church. Every train has a caboose. Right, have you heard that saying? It's still on the train. You're still on the train, you're still going, but you're last.

Okay, and always remember that. What? People see him and they're like, hey man, they see you. They see you, yeah. And vice versa, so don't. And vice versa. Like even if I saw you, they would like, ah, leave him be. Pobrecito.

Pobrecito. Okay, let's move on. Well, that's put a damper. Well, they call him. Wait, that put a damper in there. A little too topical? Okay. They call him a mandelone sometimes.

Ooh. Mandalorian, thank you. Yeah, I am fucking Boba Fett. Mandelone is like a mamon? Yeah. What is a mamon? Like a fucking kiss ass suck up. Wait, wait.

Wait, George, that's what the fuck is. Yeah. You were right the first time. Like a mamon, yeah. Yeah, like a mamon. Yeah, like a kiss ass or something. Bobofed. Yeah, yeah.

You think I'm a kiss ass? Be real. No. No, it's not, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's in the general description. Well, let's give George a round of applause. I didn't get that part.

Did we do that part yet? No, no, no. George Lopez is there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you. Yeah, yeah. So. George Lopez is there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So, um... DraftKings Casino. DraftKings Casino.

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27% off site-wide and free bedding bundle, sheet set, mattress protector, with any Lux or Elite mattress order, exclusive for Tiger Belly listeners. Helixsleep.com slash belly. So, and yes, you know, but you never know the roll of the dice, you know? And back in the day, you look at somebody like Roseanne.

Like I was at the Comedy Store on the Monday night before Roseanne did the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson on the Wednesday. So then the guy comes up and goes, we have somebody that's here that's doing the Tonight Show Wednesday, Roseanne Barsh goes up there, and maybe for the first 20 seconds, maybe it was quiet, and then she fucking destroyed. Destroyed that room. Then I said, I'm gonna watch on Wednesday,

and she kicked ass and went like that. Wow, wow, wow. And you know, then you look at, then she became difficult in whatever way, but you become too difficult. And look at the show went on without her. You wanna make sure that you don't destroy yourself in a situation that very few people get to actually see or live or drive on a lot or anything like that.

And you look at somebody like Brett Butler when she was doing Grace Under Fire, and that show was doing well, but then she tried to follow like in the Roseanne thing, I don't like this, I don't like that, and they canceled the show and she kind of fell off. Yeah, you have to be nice. You have to be nice. Or at least be respectful of the process

because there is a process. Even if you don't like it, the guys told me when I was starting, man, like don't leave the room, don't give ultimatums, hang in there. Like if you leave, the game's games over but if you stay in there there's there's you can change things yeah you know some people get mad they take off fuck this shit and you leave you're out yeah so yeah that's you know never leave yeah you know people talk shit about Rosanna but I want to say something about her

she fucking helped me so much at one point. So I was on a sitcom that's splitting up together, right? And I was at like a, it was up front or something like that, right? And I was like sitting there with a bunch of ABC executives. Was it ABC? Yes. Yeah, yeah, executives and stuff. And no one was talking to me.

It was the same year that Roseanne got Connors. Right. Before she got canceled. Right. Right? And she walks into this room and she points at me and she goes, that motherfucker right there is funny. And then she started repeating jokes that she'd seen me do.

And then all of a sudden, all the executives opened up to me and started talking to me. Because I was so self-conscious and I was so nervous. I had never met her before, dude. She did that for me. So it's just like, she's a legend. But also she has things that people don't like about her, but she's always been funny. However your views become political or against other people, those are her views. I'm sure

she's happy with the things where she is and all that stuff, but yeah, I don't know about that She is a legend and but I mean I hope you know, I mean it Continues forever, but can I ask you guys a question? Yeah, that's seen so many versions of like what comedies become like you see sitcoms and I feel like there's this romantic part of my brain as a young comic that looks like it's the best version of mixing our live act with Storytelling right and do you guys find that if sitcoms goes away? There's another version of that or is that kind of the only world where you can do both because they are different things But it's the closest thing we have to stand up that story telling

Good question. I don't think they'll ever go away. I think that they'll always be around. Okay, wow, good. Because those pieces, those half hour pieces work together. Like I did, Reba McEntire did her show and then we came after, so you have two multis. And then you have St. Dennis, which was a new show, and then you have Night Court, and that's single cameras. So it's hard to put a single and a multi in the same hour.

So they'll always need almost like pieces of a puzzle to go together. Yeah. Do you think you'll see yourself producing for Young Comics once you're doing like? Yeah, of course. Sure. I feel like Larry King right now.

I love it. I'm so fast because I saw a show. No, right? What I'm trying to do. You're gonna do a pitch now? No, this is what I'm trying to sell. Is that the thing that you guys are giving us. Because this is fascinating. Wait, this is the Andrew Lopez I'm trying to sell. This is what I'm trying to sell. The thing that you guys are giving us. Because this is fascinating.

Wait, this is the Andrew Lopez I've ever heard about. That you can go to a party and come away with a deal. Vice versa, baby. I don't like that about you. You know what? You're a cockroach. You know what? What was the word for kiss ass? Mandalon? You're a mandalon for sure.

Which camera's on? No, I just, because I don't want to see it go away because I think that that like, that's all, and what you're saying is fascinating. But because I had a deal at NBC, right, for four years. Still, right? No, it's gone now. Because it came down to me and Tina Fey's pilot and they wanted hers, right? And so, I mean, they let mine go. but I think it's harder to get a pilot, I think. Do you think or no? They don't make us,

because back in the day, did you guys shoot the pilot? No, we didn't, but we had the pilot done and three or four other episodes written, and they were dragging us along, and then two weeks ago, three weeks ago, they said, it's gone, done. But it's like, they used to do 30 pilots

or 20 pilots back in the day, now they do three. Man, that's just like a drip of a faucet, man. Like, three. Yeah. So yeah, in regards to that, you can come so close to it, but also would they keep it and have it in the rotation for another time?

What do you mean? That if Tina Fey's show doesn't work out or, there is no beginning and end of the seasons like there was, somebody will start mid-season and March before used to be January, you started in September, October now. So there's really no calendar of when to premiere at whatever time.

Okay, I have a personal question to ask you. And... Yeah. Of course! So I heard a story that, and this could be wrong, when you showcased for Mitzi, that it didn't, I mean did you ever showcase for Mitzi? Yes.

Yeah, did it go well? I thought so, but she didn't think it went well. And so you were never passed at the store? I was never passed at the store. Whoa. And that's where I started. That's where I started. That's incredible.

You know what she said to me? I went to the comedy store with my friend Ernie, and I did pretty good, man. And I think they turned the light on, the piano, and the people said to turn the light off, to like let me keep going. And the guy, the piano player, like keep going. So then I go over there to her and she says to me,

where are you from? I'm from Mission Hill. Well why don't you try working the clubs there for a couple years and come back? And I was like fuck. She did that to Louis CK. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Wow. I think this is the time period where she wasn't fully, maybe she was losing. No, no, no. Oh she was, okay she was. Very pressing. She was full. No, no, no. Okay, she was, she was, I feel sorry for you. Very pressing, very. She was full, she was full. I'll tell you a time, I'll tell you a time,

that's a true story, I'll tell you a time at Richard Pryor's funeral, did you ever know David Banks? No. David Banks was like as funny as Richard Pryor, he was a writer and he always wore this brown suit. I think Paul Mooney, David Banks, Richard Pryor, all those guys, high level guys. Like Banks was funny from the street, like always had a creative thought

and was just fucking brilliant. So all of us guys respected Mooney and David Banks if you got close enough in the circle and then of course Pryor. So at Richard Pryor's funeral, David Banks and I are standing in the aisle and down comes Mitzi Shor, she's probably like this big. And she's all in black, bent over and her hair's hanging down. And scarves, 15 scarves. A scarves, walking really slow. And when she passes David Banks, he touches her arm like this, her forearm,

and he says to her, don't leave, you'll be back Wednesday. We were at Forest Lawn. Oh wow, wow, wow. He said, don't leave, you'll be back Wednesday. When Mitzi died, Peter gave me a scarf of hers. And he goes, Mitzi wanted you to have this, she's never washed it. And I was like, eww.

I was like, oh thank you. I don't know where that scarf is. Yeah, so no, I don't think I was ever, and I started there, man, like. I was do you have a resentment No, but I don't go to the comic store now, you know, they'll call me and they'll say would you do a set? I don't go. Why I don't have a resentment, but I just don't go. I really don't kind of do sets in time I know I know Okay, but that that's a shame because I mean we would just love to have your but I think if you've been doing it for

45 years, going out for 20 minutes is not gonna improve you. Yeah. Dude, can I tell you, can I share a story when I first met you? Yeah. Okay, I went into your show. What, do you remember him?

No, I don't. Okay, good, continue, I love him. I was skinnier back then. Yeah, yeah. If you tell me, I might if you have. I went to your show, at the time we had the same agent, and I was a huge fan of you and I what agency was it? it was a

three letters UTA yes, okay, and then and I'm no longer there You're I love everybody. Are you at I'm a CIA. Oh with that with me. Yeah, yeah Smooth I love smooth moves the best is that you? He's great buddy your scripts bad, buddy with me, yeah. Three letters. You have Smook? Huh? Smook. I love Smook. Smook's the best. Is that your, is that your, Smook? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's great.

Hey buddy, your script's bad, buddy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I, I've never, me and my friends came to see you backstage because I was such a huge fan and we loved you, so they hooked us up to, New Sephora hooked us up to meet you. At the Orpheum? No, this is Nokia at the time.

Okay. Now it's, what's it called, whatever, Peacock. But like, we asked you, we were like, can you give us advice that will change the way we Now. It's what's it called whatever peacock, but like We asked you were like can you give us advice that will change the way we do stand-up And it did it changed all three of our ways of doing step and you go none of those written motherfuckers ever make it And you said come from the soul oh and talk on stage like your written joke is your starting point And learn your shit on stage. You know what I tell young people Shit, yeah, so thank you your starting point and learn your shit on stage. You know what I tell young people? Oh, fuck. Shit.

Yeah, so thank you. Incredible. I take that advice. Mike. George Lopez, everybody, George Lopez. I'm like looking at you giving it to me, I'm like shit, I'm gonna take my own mic. But sometimes we text each other,

we go none of those written motherfuckers ever make. Man. Well, I mean I have something that I say to people. Just simply. Me, me, me, me. Hey, it better be better. It's pretty good, dude, I don't know. I'm dreading even just simply, may I? Hey, it better be better. It better be good. It's pretty good, dude. I don't know.

I'm dreading even thinking now, dude. Yeah, yeah. What I say to young people, I go, there's a difference between writing funny and being funny. Oh, that too. You know what I mean? So it's like, I go, try to get on half

without even saying anything. Yeah. So you can get in that kind of, you know what I mean? With a look or something. That too, that works too. So, thank you. Yeah, that works too. Thank you. Let me tell you this.

Let me tell you an example of that. So when we were at ABC and you finally come down to the last two actors that are going to play my best friend, the one guy was from New York. I wasn't really a big fan of his and then it was the guy that got it, Valente, who was a little bit goofy looking.

My dad? Daddy! I wasn't really a big fan of his and then it was the guy that got it, Valente, who was a little bit goofy looking. So, um... My dad? Daddy! Your dad? So, the first guy goes, he does it as written, like I would expect ABC to do it as written. It's okay. And then Valente walks in and he has his back turned and the casting director says, Whenever you're ready.

And he turns around and he has like this goofy look on his face. This goofy looking dude. And everybody in there started laughing without him saying a word. And he's the one that got the thing. Don't, you know, don't rush a situation. If it's a little bit

tense like that was, the fact that he did this thing and turned around and had that goofy-ass look on his face was fucking brilliant. A brilliant move Wow. He got it because you're Okay, well, I mean I was saying something. Yeah, I know but yeah, but go ahead change this topic. Okay, so I'm from Texas my name is Hyman, but Yeah, yeah do stand up. 10 minutes, it's good. Strong 10.

Oh good. Ever since like 6th grade, but everybody calls me Ernie. Yeah, because of my show. I fucking hate it too. You like it? Wait, is that what you wanted to say? Yeah, I don't understand what you were saying there. I said everybody called me Ernie, but my name is Jaime because I look like him. When I come back, we'll have to do a scene

where he'll play the friend, get a scene from the show. I'll play myself. Oh, okay. And he'll do Ernie's lines. Wait, Ernie from? Like right there. Oh, right there, wow. Actually.

There is a similarity. There is a similarity. Yeah, yeah. I think, I mean, it could be his kid for sure. For sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. But a similarity. There is a similarity there, wow. Yeah, you didn't like that?

No, it's because I was a kid, so I was like, damn. What? I wanted to talk to girls. He's a TV star. Oh, I know, but then I wanted to talk to girls. But in Texas, it fucking doesn't matter. You look like somebody, Mexican. So like, all the way to high school,

everybody's like, you're Ernie, you're Ernie. Yeah, I mean, similar body, you know? So in that right there, we made him through the season, we made him get heavy, right? He was eating out of control, and I had a date with this girl, and I went to the fucking Miller's Outpost in Northridge, and this attractive sales lady was like,

I said, hey, can I get some 34s, you know, 36 maybe? And I was a fucking 42. Wow. And I didn't know, for whatever reason, I didn't see myself like that. Well, you were getting fat. I was getting fat. And that's what this whole arc was,

and that girl said, how do those pants fit? And I said, oh, you know, I didn't want to tell her. I didn't want to figure pants off. I started crying in the fucking change room. Oh my God, dude. Damn. Really? I think I was lacked out sitting there.

I was sick, milk came out. Oh wow. I was heart breaking, man. I didn't know. I didn't see myself like that. Well, you know the reason why I got on a Zympic, I've said this before, but I was with a lady in Hawaii, somebody that already, already, you know what I mean?

I already, you know what I mean? Well, in Korean, that's a thing. Jjuk-juk means sex. What is, you're doing double? The nipples, twisting the nips. I know, I don't know why I did that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But he goes, juk juk, right?

And I go, um, so I take her to Hawaii. What? Juseyo. Okay. Oh, juk juk juseyo. That means sex please. Give me sex. Very good, dude.

I lived near Korea town. Did you live by Koreans or Taekwondo class? How did you learn that? I'm just watching Korean movies. Okay, okay, okay. So can I finish my story? That's how you learned it? Korean movies?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So she was, I was fat, I don't know. You guys never told me I was fat. Anyway, I was with this girl, we were in my hotel room. But did you guys think he was fat, sorry? Did you guys think he was fat? Like not like, yeah, you know, just like normal. Normal fat.

Yeah, normal fat. It's like crazy fat. Oh yeah, I'm not like Ralphie Mae fat. Yeah, I remember when you told Joe from JK News that he needed to get fat so he'd stay funny. Oh. He was like, I'm gonna lose weight and you were like, don't do that.

Wow. Well, you know what? I mean, that too in comedy, like somebody could lose weight and then not lose their edge or lose the ability to Be fun. Well, I know one guy too. His name was Eric. He was in a bunch of movies He lost like 300 pounds and he never worked again He was in huge movies. He was in the equalizer

No, no, no, I love him. But no he was in the first blade And he was also in Jonah, how would you guys Remember that blog? He's so good in the blog. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he was also in... But Jonah, what do you guys think about him? Yeah, but Jonah's fine. He'll work, you know what I mean? He's a superstar.

But Jonah's also all tatted up. Like it was a move I wouldn't have seen necessarily seen Jonah go that way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like surfing and all tatted up and you know? Yeah. So, but he's a, I mean I've known him a long time, man. He's a great guy.

Good guy. Can I finish my story? Yeah, please. What the fuck, man? Sorry, man. So I was in the hotel room, nice hotel. I used to stay at the Ritz. Nice. Anyway.

Yeah, of course. Thank you. We're also gonna stay. Four seasons. Oh yeah, that's good too. Thank you so much, George. I'm doing fine. I got you, man.

So we're kinda making out and stuff in my bed and she stops and she goes, can I be honest with you? And I go, yeah, you're fucking fat. Oh, wow. Right? And then she goes, I'm not attracted to you. Damn. So went out in the balcony and lit up a cigarette.

I was like, should I jump? You know what I mean? But I decided to get on, you know what I mean? We go V, which is what I'm on now, but it was a brutal fucking, you know. Has she seen you now? I don't care. That's what's up, dog.

She's done, that's what's up, dog. Yeah, she's never gonna be a part of my life. Nice. Yo, I'ma catch, bro. You know, that's a crazy thing to say to somebody, too. Yeah. I mean. She was drunk. Oh.

Can I ask you a question, though? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is a crazy thing to say to someone, but it made you get your shit together. Just lose some weight? You're the one talking about it. Yeah, you were telling me to fuck with weight. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah, maybe do that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And do you appreciate that or no? In a way I do, but it's like, I feel like I'm cheating too a little bit though. But I think you won because you got to juke juke with her and you got skinny. Yeah, before though. Was she a comic tour? No I'm cheating too a little bit. But I think you won because you got to juke juke with her and you got skinny. Yeah, before though. Was she a comic too?

No, she was just a bartender, you know what I mean? Very hot though. Hispanic as well. Yeah. Did you, so wait, when you juke. And you know what, let me say this. When a Hispanic girl says, when a Hispanic girl says, you're too fat,

I'm not attracted to you because there's a lot of fat Mexicans out there. I know, I know. So whatever line you passed, when you overthrow the javelin and shit, there's not even a number that you went over the last line. That's why, that was a part of my equation. You're Hispanic, you know what I mean? And I know some Hispanic bros like this guy,

you know what I mean? And so that made me really kind of, it also made me realize, it's like, I'm not doing this anymore, like any of that. I'm gonna only, you know what I mean, I'm looking for something real, right? I'm not hooked. I, you know, the hookup, the hooking up,

it's just shallow and meaningless. And ultimately, bro, I just get depressed, bro, when there's no connection, really. Okay. I think that that's, and ultimately bro, I just get depressed bro when there's no connection really. Okay. I think that that's, you know what, I would like to see that in you. Because I- What do you mean?

I would like to see you look at somebody more serious than just hooking up. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I hang out with this one girl now, and she's so pretty, but I go, and it was so hard for me to say the first date, I'll go, yo, I just want to start with a friendship and they'll see what happens You know me because every time I hook up and this and that it just ruins it

Mmm, and so, you know, we're gonna go on a thing tonight. You know, I mean, I haven't made a move really We just been hanging out. It's been fun. No sex I haven't made a move no sex question. What do you think when I said I thought maybe she was passed out When I said I haven't made a move What does that mean to you? But you haven't like made the move like hey come upstairs So no sex man. Yeah, very very good. Yeah, but that was implied when I said I haven't made a move Well, you should do the three-month rule, you know, just wait three months and then have sex. Yeah, yeah. For me, it's a year.

Yeah, yeah. Tell us about the rule. We've never heard of that. Have you heard of that rule, George? No, I never heard of it. Tell me the rule. It's just a, what, three months. I don't know how many days.

He had to calculate, calculate what it's like. I don't know how many days. One, two, three, three months. Like orientation, 90 days, then we look at it again. Yeah, but for me- Have you ever done, waited three months? I'm gonna tell you, I would fall into that thing as well. Like, when I really like somebody, I would tell them,

if we hook up, I'm gonna lose interest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it just became a thing when you grow up, you have all these issues growing up and all stuff like that. So I would say, just people that I liked, I would say, I think it's just cool, like we just hang out and go to places and stuff like that,

but that doesn't work either. Yeah, yeah, you're right, it's not working. Man, I'll tell you, when somebody tells you they don't wanna be around you or whatever, it doesn't work out because you did something that offended them, man, they lay into me like, just more than I think a civilian would get laid into like by a guy and a girl.

Like what do you mean? Because of your celebrity? Maybe. They just tee off on you more and it cuts deeper and more personal and you're like wow man, I mean this is quite shocking to be honest. That they really lay into you with all the things that you carry in your life that they seen because you've been they've been Around you and I no problem just like

Just taking you down taking you down Wow that must hurt and then you realize that's not the person either like I was gonna be into it was gonna come down to that so but you also have to find somebody that's um That can acclimate themselves to your particular lifestyle. I'm no longer going to date a girl like, you're going to go up tonight? I thought, you know what I mean? Let's just stay in. I gotta go up. That's how I make money. I'm going to work. And it's like some people don't understand that. Sometimes my spots are super late. I come home at midnight or whatever and they're like, what the fuck is this? I'm already in bed.

It's like, I have to have somebody that understands that this is what I do. And ultimately, I think, George, you might agree that it's hard for a woman to share our career love because I love what I do for a living. And one of the, we're blessed. Do you feel blessed? I mean, I feel so blessed.

Yeah, man, come on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, you know, because I remember even one time, I don't know if I ever mentioned this to you, this is years ago, I was flying to Texas, Southwest, and you were on the flight. Oh, I think I remember that. Really?

Yeah. And my mom was like, oh, George Lopez flies Southwest too. Yeah. Yeah. I'm doing okay. Yeah, I'm doing okay. Yeah, you fell back because you flew Southwest? No.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I think you take things more, does he take things more personally and more literally than somebody like, if you saw somebody at your comic and you're like, man, that guy's here too. Or you saw somebody at a restaurant or hotel, like you said, oh, I stayed at the Ritz-Carlton four seasons. Oh, right, right.

Well, what happened, I did this thing called Oddball Comedy Festival. And so all the comics flew on one flight. And all the comics got first class and I didn't. Because of my agent, my manager did that, right? And so when I was walking by, like it was Dane Cook, Sebastian Malaskakaka all these guys They're throwing paper towels at me when I walk by

And then when I was when I was trying to fall asleep They would literally come from first class and throw pillows at me or like yeah wake me up. You know me and I felt such shame Because it's like I was big enough to have first. I don't know what the fuck you're mean, but it's like I took that personally I don't is that the fuck you're mean, but it's like I took that personally. Is that wrong of me to do that? That's your manager's fault. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, okay, okay.

But then going back to the throw shit at you, that's another, that's a different thing. That's love. That's love. No, no, no, no. That was pure love. That was love, that was love. Yeah, you know, comics are so, you know, sensitive

that somebody not flying first class or not having somebody meet them when they land is a big thing. It's a big thing. Do you just flip out if no one's there? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do too.

I start calling people. Like, where's my guy? I look around and say, is there a flight going to LA that leaves like in half an hour? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here's another thing I hate is when you do get a pick-up guy,

sometimes when they're at baggage claim, they have a sign. Right. I love that. But sometimes they're like, yeah man, where are you? And I go, what do you mean? I'll drive by, go to this point.

I'm like, you can't come in here, bitch. Yeah. You know what I mean? Now I have to look for you outside and all that stuff. Is that, would you be mad? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, thank you. Thank God.

Then two people go, one meets you inside and then one's driving the car. Instead of just having one drive around and trying to find you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. One time. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a greeter, is that what you're saying?

No, if that person was driving, they take two people, so one goes in and finds you and then brings you out to the car. All right, right, yeah. Do you like that? Oh no, you hate that. Well, not anymore, but I'm a reader now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But it is, those old road days, though, man, were brutal. Do you remember them or no? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I did Arsenio one time and they send the limo, right? And they said, I knew I was traveling in the morning. So they said, they they send the limo right now Yeah, and our soon they said they knew I was traveling in the morning So they said you can use the car in the morning the car will pick you up. I said, oh man That's great limo picks you up takes the airport. I land where I was a guy was in a fucking ter cell Yeah, and then you get in there the guy goes yeah, we're excited man like it's gonna be full tonight fucking ter cell

Okay, limo to a fucking Tercel. Yeah, you know what made me feel good, and I don't know why I'm gonna even bring this up. Oh shit. Yeah, this, oh my God, imagine. 92. Jesus Christ, 92 bro. This is literally, jeez.

That's Fred Segal stuff there. Wow. White socks. That's amazing. Look at you dude, handsome. Wow stuff there. I'm on white socks. Wow, sick pants. That's amazing. Look at you, dude. Handsome. Wow. Wow.

Man. Still handsome. Still handsome. So two weeks ago, you were headlining, you were doing a show at the Laugh Factory. My lesbian daughter? Yeah. You were at the Laugh Factory and I showed up because I had to take a shit. You know what I mean?

I wasn't performing. You know how sometimes you're driving down the street and I and where's the closest place where I have to take a shit because if I can't find that place, no bueno, no bueno, you know what I mean? So I was about to shit my pants. So I pulled over to the Laugh Factory and I ran and I took a shit. And then Jamie Masada or somebody goes,

oh, George and Arsenio are here. So I went up in that little private room which I didn't even know about. There's not just the green room, but there's an extra one where I've never even fucking been there. Go through that secret door or whatever. I walk in, so I walk in, and you're sitting there

on the couch, Arsenio's there, and I sit across from you, then Tony Hawk, not Tony Hawk, Tony Rock comes in, Jamie's there, and I'm gonna, I don't wanna be a bitch, but it was one of those pinch yourself moments for me of like, and I was acting cool. Did I look good? I wasn't cool. Oh, yeah.

Because when I, I was like. No, he was totally cool. He was like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I was trying to be cool. Breathing hard. But my insides were jumbled because I'm like, I'm a huge fan of George, my most arsino friend of mine now,

and he's super sweet. With Jamie, it was just the way it was occurring, and sometimes I have to pinch myself because I mean, obviously, it took me a while to get an audience and stuff like that, and I didn't know these people and stuff, and now that I'm in this situation, I'm still like a kid, man.

I'm like, I can't fucking believe this. I mean, you probably have met man. I'm like, I can't fucking believe this. You know what I mean? I mean, you've probably met celebrities where you're like, I can't believe. Like, Barack. Yeah. I mean, what's he like? Now or then.

No. You know, when you're not present anymore, you're, you function at a lower frequency. Oh, right, right, right. Than somebody who, but I'll give you an example. So in the 70s, like let's say 73, you hear Evil Ways or Oya Como Va or Black Magic Woman in the 70s.

You know, you're just a kid, you know, you're fucking 10 or whatever. And I've been friends with Santana for over 20 years and he performed at Yamava last Wednesday. And I sat in his dressing room, the only one that could go in there before the show. And we sat and talked for like half an hour. So to me, that shit is crazy to sit across from

Carlos Santana or go over, take pictures and just see. You don't see those feelings out loud though. No. You're gonna go, hey, this is a magic moment. Yeah, you can't do that. It fucks it up. But it is, it's a crazy world. You never imagined that to do something that's so tough for everybody, like nobody is a crazy world, man. You never imagine that, to do something that's so tough

for everybody, like nobody is a fucking red, a magic carpet to the top, you know? And then you just work and work and work and then you get one thing and you chip away, you get another thing and then all of a sudden you get to a level where you already know and you don't have to prove anything to anybody and you're you, you know?

Wow, that's amazing. I mean, you know everybody, if I'm honest. I do know everybody. I know, you know. Wow, that's amazing. I mean, you know everybody by now. I do know everybody. I know, you know everybody. Do you still, I just got a job today. Wow, look at that shit, dude. That's incredible, dude. I'll never be in that situation.

Oh my God, that's amazing. He's a great, I mean, I like him. I look like Tracy Morgan. I look like a Mexican Tracy Morgan. After the accident. What do you mean? No, of course. What do you mean?

What are you saying? I was saying I got a job today and I can't say it and talk about it, but it's an NDA, and it made me feel like still like I won the lottery. Yeah. Do you still get those moments? Of course. Yeah, where you go, what, me? Yeah. I'm doing this?

This is so exciting. Good for you, man, good for you. Yeah, it's so fucking cool. You get little lotteries, you know what I mean, in this business, which I think can be unhealthy because they're dopamine hits. Well, no, you can't look at it like just gonna be the only one.

It's one of now. But sometimes though it happens where you go a year and you don't have a lot of activity. Right. And then sometimes a year that's like, you're working a lot, it's the nature of the thing. But I still love that dream, like the dream of like, oh my God, this is so cool, thank you so much.

I'm so grateful too, cause I met with the people behind this project and stuff and I was just like, thank you so much for thinking of me, man, this you so much. I'm so grateful too, because I met with the people behind this project and stuff and I was just like, thank you so much for thinking of me, man. This is so exciting. You know what I mean? I still have that. I'm so glad I have that. You know what I mean?

But do you believe in? Magic, I do. Yeah. Do you believe in putting a thought out in the universe and then it come back to you? Bro, manifestation dog? Yeah. Yeah, I do believe that.

You don't believe in manifestation? No, I do. I live by don't believe it? I manifest it. No, I do. I live by it. I think you have, if people aren't manifesting, you're wasting your life because nothing is a coincidence and nothing is an accident in anything. So, you know, I played golf with Don Cheadle

and Don Cheadle was on the phone and we talked about like Marvel stuff and whether they're gonna go to Australia and whether they're gonna shoot in London and talking to stuff and it's like telling me stuff and I get in the car and I say out loud, I go what do you have to do to get in a franchise movie? And that got Blue Beetle like within that last year.

I mean it's not gonna be a franchise but they're doing animation and stuff like that but I got to be in a DC movie. That's amazing. Pretty good. I think that I've manifested, and years ago we used to talk about manifestation, right? What are the comments like, like, it's bullshit or what?

Do people believe it or? I think people believe it. I think there's different ways of framing it, but yeah. Ever since I was a little kid, like I would watch Carson or whatever and watch standups and stuff, and I would lay in bed and truly believe That I'm I can do this right even this is years before I even started You know, I mean I still lay my lay my head down and I think and I in my heart

I believe other things are gonna happen. I get excited about it You know, I mean and I think that that is a part of manifestation you visualize it you believe I think belief is the big thing. Yeah. Well, just like I think to make it in anything that you want to do, you have to have some sort of healthy delusion to believe that like it's possible. Like I don't know how many times I bombed in my first year doing standup and then I'd be like sad and I'd go into my room by myself and be like, these motherfuckers don't get

it. And like you need that to keep going. Yeah. And that's also part of like the manifestation part of it. It's like, you know, if you don't have that's also part of the manifestation part of it. It's like you know, if you don't have that, then you would have jumped off the balcony. Yeah, well it's a combination of manifestation and also work.

Yes. I mean you have to, you can't just lay in your fucking basement in the Midwest and dream and not do anything. Yeah. You have to try to. The fucked up part is sometimes you have to work and be in a lot of pain, like it hurts. And you You have to try to. But you know the fucked up part is, is sometimes you have to work and be in a lot of pain.

Like it hurts. And you still have to keep going, and shit ain't working out the way you'd like it, and you still keep going. Well that process of manifestation, people always think that the manifestation's a one-to-one thing, but there's a whole middle ground of,

manifestation also means that you are gonna keep doing it until it happens. And that whole process is the part that's hard Yeah to make manifestation real and like I totally get that I mean you're literally going through it with like how many shows you've been through right? Like it's all of its manifesting with your head on screen right? Yeah, two years later. Yeah Yeah, yeah, do you feel that I feel that I feel bad about dudes that I started with and girls That haven't made it yet. Mm-hmm. They're still trying you do feel bad about dudes that I started with, and girls that haven't made it yet.

They're still trying. You do feel bad for them? George is like, I'm good, I'm fine. Not bad, but I see them around, right? Like one time when I was on Animal Practice, there was some extra, I don't call them extra, background, that I was talking to the director,

and the background were people I started with Open Mic, so they thought that they could come, that I was talking to the director, and the background were people I started with Open Mic, so they thought that they could come up while I'm talking to the director in a scene, and I had to go, not the time, guys, right? But then I felt bad, you know what I mean? Because these are homies that I started with. So you don't feel bad. Well, I mean, if you're a boxer, you know, and you're somebody's trying to

take something you have, you feel bad if you knock them out? No. You've got to put them up. Yeah, yeah. It is a little bit of that competition. But also, you know, it's not you're turning your back on anybody, but it does take, you have to be selfish, man, in this business in order to get ahead. Yeah, yeah, I believe so too. What's also like, and that's against, like, do you watch UFC? Do you watch UFC, like boxing?

Are you a boxing UFC fan? Yeah, yeah. Speaking of, I'm wearing my Charles Oliver shirt, so shout out UFC, baby, but I also have cum. All right, yeah, put that down. All right, yeah, yeah, put that down, put that down. I should not get a cum out, man. I know, really?

Really embarrassing. There's a prison loaded with motherfuckers that down, put that down. I should not get to come out, man. Come to the car. Really? Really embarrassing. There's a prison loaded with motherfuckers that a cum stain did him in. Also, if you put cum on a wall, it turns yellow. Yeah, I've seen that a lot. You see that? I used to do it in my bedroom. Yeah, sometimes I-

I've used Sherman Williams paint. So go ahead. But I think it's also interesting what you're saying about the boxing thing. It's like I also think that if those people were also manifesting that success for you and you're manifesting success for them, you also have to move like water in a little bit. Like I think the best boxers talk about this, best UFC fighters talk about this, where it's like yeah, there's healthy composition, but they're also my dance partner at the end of

the day. Oh, I see. And if they can't respect your success, then that's also them getting in their own way of manifesting being in your position someday. I also do believe this, too. The most talented people don't make it. This is another thing I came up with, one of my philosophies. It's the people that can perform under pressure.

Yeah. Like when you're doing, I mean, I did the Tonight Show. That was one of my first TV spots. I was a doorman at the store and I got it. I was still working the door. Right, I was behind that curtain. Amazing. Yeah, and I was like scared shitless, dude.

Like my mouth was dry. And then the guy behind, you know, the walkie talkie guy goes, hey, don't worry about it, kid. Only 16 million people are watching. That's what he said to me. To fuck my mind up, right? And I looked at him, I went, hey, don't worry about it kid, only 16 million people are watching. That's what he said to me. To fuck my mind up, right? And I looked at him, I went, nah, I play the OR dude, I got this.

And I went to the crush. I know a lot of guys I've set up showcases for, guys that I've tried to help, and they eat it under pressure. Like when you're doing the Arsenio, were you nervous before that? No. Really?

Not at all? Because you know, I figured out early that if it's gonna happen, don't be nervous, because you can't be your best if you're nervous. So if you know it's gonna happen, if somebody said to me, you wanna be on Arsenio tonight, and I wasn't prepared, then I'd probably be nervous. But if you're doing what you're doing

and that's what you do, then I would say no. That's a manifestation. I wouldn't be nervous. You're prepared. Preparation. And then you you know you want to be your best so you that the nerves are just a kind of an reaction to the insecurity but if you if you put yourself in a better place and say man I can't wait till this is over man I'm gonna fucking kill him then you'll be

all right. What about this though do you ever get nervous not on your show but when you're the first day of like a movie? Do you ever get nervous? Not on your show, but when you're the first day of like a movie, do you ever get nervous? I get nervous. Yeah, I think it's natural. Yeah, you get a little anxiety. Yeah, a little bit. Yeah, yeah. But you're doing well, man.

You know, everybody, but you know what I mean? Like people love you and stuff like that. So we don't want you, we wouldn't want to think of you like worrying about yourself or worrying about other things. People love you, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, I'm fine, I'm fine. I feel great. But I think that's part of your process, too.

I think it's part of your personality. I'm a little neurotic, yeah, yeah. You know, I'm getting way better at that, you know what I mean, where I show up and I'm like, I got this. You know what I mean? I think 10 years ago, because I used to reoccur on Sex and the City, 10, 15 years ago,

it would have eaten me up alive. But now I'm like, I can show up and say hi to people and just do it, you know what I mean? But there is anxiety and stuff like that, but I used to be petrified, man. Holy shit, yeah. It's scary shit, man. You know what the best advice I ever got?

What? I shout out to Seth Rogen, Seth Rogen and Brendan O'Brien, who told me this, is that, to that same point of like, dealing under pressure and being able to perform, the other part is that like, one one talent will get you so far. It's like 50% of it. And you have to be the best talent you can. But the other 50% during that pressure time

is that after 16 hours, no one wants to kill you. Like you're a good hang. During pressure times, during hard times, during easy times. Oh, you're not set in one. Yeah, on a writer's room, even if you're working at FedEx, after 16 hours, your favorite worker is the person that you don't want to kill.

It's the person you want to keep working with. Wow. I'm gonna say that you probably don't hear that advice a lot but that's platinum, that shit right there. You think so, yeah, yeah, it really is. Because if you're around somebody, you're a nuisance and you're like, what the fuck is this dude? And that word gets out because it does get out in other places.

Although ask somebody, hey, you worked with that dude. How was it? Oh, man, that dude's a fucking mess, man. Yeah. You don't want them around. They could be the most talented person, but life is too short. That's right.

I believe that. That's very true. Yeah, because I've been on sets, you know what I mean, where there's a pretty big actor or whatever, and they're just so rude and aloof, and it makes everyone feel uncomfortable and stuff like that, and I'm like, I would never wanna do another movie with this person,

no matter what it was. I mean, shit, I've been that person sometimes. You go to a bar show, and I'm looking down on the people running a bar show, and now I see those comics and they're killing it, and I go, I was the dick that was being a fucking nuisance when I shouldn't have been. I should've just done my set and been cool

Right. Well, and like really I mean we've all been there you go to a bar show You don't want to be at you think these I've done a bar show in like 30 years You just got mad a guy didn't pick up your luggage for you, bro There's I didn't say that I said fuck you man I said fuck you man Fuck you man I would love to sell a show with you Fuck you man Let me say something to you okay

I said that I don't like it when you go down and there's just no one there with a sign I didn't say picking up a sample One of these days I swear to god I'm going to fucking show up at one of your shows It's going to be me holding your show And also motherfuckers I'm glad you brought this up dude right The other day when I asked you to fucking open for me in Phoenix This is a lie already. I said yes.

I heard this story. I texted him six times he never responded. He said that you did not want to do it. It was weird. No, your enthusiasm wasn't right. What are you? That's what it was? That's what it was.

This is how I said it. I go, of course I want to open for you. There was no punctuation. Because I was talking so fast, I was so excited. No, no, no, no. You used punctuations, bitch. Exclamation bow, of course. You know what I mean?

I read into those things. Thank you, George. Like that? Yeah. Yeah. I'll do it. Fucking eat or, oh, all right. Yeah.

Oh, I think you also said, well, I haven't done it in a while. Did you not say that? But I did go, but then I go, I haven't done it in a while. Did you not say that? But then I go, I haven't done it in a while, but I will kill really hard. I don't know if that was there. But anyway, I can read behind the words and the intention. I have that ability.

I'm going to show you these texts. I can read behind the words. Let George Lopez decide. I can read behind the words. Oh, yeah, pull it out. See what I say. Let's be real with it Okay, but it's part is part of you thinking like I'm on a couple shows, man

I'm no I think I I I'm one of those people that I would do anything to open. Yeah, Bobby I would do anything really I told him I'd fly myself out. Would you pick what do you mean your Joe Coy? George Lopez That's better But you would pick Joe Coy first before me. I'm I'm I'm. Pull up the fucking message. You guys. All right. Okay check this out. Okay. George will decide. The text messages. Yeah. Yeah. Okay What what's your assistant's name Melissa? Melanie.

Look at this. Oh my god. Look at this giant text message I sent. Being like, hey, Andrew Lopez, I talked to Bobby last week about finding some dates to go on the road with him. I'd love to watch his hour and also help him out and give some thoughts. I also have some time for him at my show at the Elysian Theater. It's a work-around.

I'd love to give him a residency. Two to four weeks, he can work on material. It's a safe place. I also wanted to reach out to schedule those dates to go on the road. If April works for me, I can do any Tuesday April if for my show and any road date that works best I'll also fly myself out. Sorry for the novel text. No worries. Let me get back to you March 25 Sorry for the double text no pressure at all, but I wanted to check up on this

She goes so sorry Bobby is really booked for April He offered you a workroom for April. He offered you a workroom too. I'm gonna be over here. George I have a defense. Go ahead. You're the judge okay. My defense is this okay. That information was not relayed to me by Melanie. So it's like. Don't fire her, keep her. Yeah yeah she's great so if you were to text me that information. Can I tell you something? The reason why I have that number is because Bobby goes, here's her number, text her this info. I know, but I'm not gonna...

But that's on you though. Yeah, that's not something. All right. But don't let it happen, man, because then you'll become that dude that is asking people to do shit and then you don't read your own messages. Oh, fuck. Right? Then they get further down and then you really don't look at it.

Yeah, yeah. You know. Okay. I apologize. Thank you, George. Yeah. Are you involved with that? What's it called?

Elysian? What's it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The Elysian Theater on the East Side. Okay. Check this out. You want to talk about a manifestation in the universe? Yeah I want to hear it. A couple years ago I drove by that theater and I said that looks like it might be a good place to work out and do

stand-up and then he says it's a work room. Yeah. So I saw it a couple years ago never went in there but I live in that area I drove by it I said oh shit that looks like a great theater to do comedy in. Yeah. And he just said to you the Elysian room and it's a great place, it's a work room. Would you play there? Yeah. Yeah, I'll tell you guys this too. It's like we run this show that we do a secret lineup,

and so you guys don't have to put your name out there, you guys can drop in whenever you want. And it's the greatest room, it's a safe place, people there love comedy, you don't have to kill your ticket sales in town, you drop in whenever you want. But I offered it. How about that?

I was gonna call over there and see, you guys do stand up in there and stuff and here he is Every that's wild. That's wild. That's wild. Wow. What nights are they we do every two iron every Tuesday It looks like a fucking great place Yeah And it's one of those things too where it's like I mean, I think that like people there would be so excited to see you guys Yeah, I will say this this cool shit, man I'm tripped out because I never, you know,

other than going and calling the place, I hadn't even heard anybody say it, that lesion room. Isn't that a beautiful space, though? It's wild, like, see. We gotta go down there. Yeah, we're gonna do it. Come through. We're gonna do it, we're gonna do it.

So, is it a theater? There's two rooms. You can do the small black box room, which is actually, I think, better to work out new shit. It's really safe, nobody has their phones, it's so intimate in there. And then there's the theater room. I would say you drop in and do the black box room

because you can fucking be yourself in there. Wow, wow, wow. How many seats is it? Well, I'll pack it out for you. How do you pack it out for me? Because it's you. Yeah, but you're not promoting me, you said. Well, I mean, if you want me to drop in.

No, I don't want that, no, no, we'll just do a drop I think that's people know people know yeah, I think yeah We had Joe Coy come through we like we have some big names coming up. Give me some give me some names We put out if you want. Yeah, we'll bleep it out. Yeah. Yeah, we have we Come through and then like oh shit. Yeah, we're trying to do this thing because the reason for it And actually this is good for comedy and I love telling you is it you know with the internet nowadays was going back to sitcom thing I feel like there's nobody there's no room for people who are on the road to work on stuff There's no open mics anymore. So how do you give open mics to people who want to work on shit, and it's all paid audience

It's awesome You know not that I would compare But this dude, he really has a fucking handle on all this shit. Way, way further than any fucking comic act should be. This motherfucker's on his way. That's the part of you I don't like. What? I'm just giving the first few guys-

This is the part of you that I don't like, dude. You guys paved the way for us to be able to do this shit Cast where you guys had to fucking audition for Asian guys screaming at a fucking dinosaur one Yeah, you didn't do that for me. I couldn't do this shit, right? So I'm just giving you flowers Yeah, now I get nothing you get everything. People are walking, bye Bobby! Laughter Okay, okay So lesion room, we'll do it. Yeah come through.

I can't do it this Tuesday but next Tuesday. Well let me ask you guys this. Oh my god you're doing your fucking Hollywood fucking bullshit. No I'm trying! This is for your viewers that you're going to pave the way for Tiger Belly fans. They're going to be like I learned this on Bobby Lee's podcast. Okay. Alright. What do you think about people posting their clips on the internet before it's worked out material? Oh, I hate it Oh, it's terrible. It's terrible. It's the worst. Yeah, I don't think that it serves them at all. You know, I think that Like I would have control of my I've never clipped a stand-up, but when I do my special for Hulu coming soon

Regulation. Thank you, thank you so much. That I will clip those out because I've been working on them. But these younger comics that are doing fucking crowd work for their thing, yeah, it's just like, write a joke. What do you think of that crowd work? Okay. Crowd work is terrible.

It's terrible. It's terrible. It's is terrible. It's terrible. It's looking terrible. When I came up, you wanted to not have to involve the crowd. You worked on your act. Do you know who Eddie Strange or Ross Bennett? Ross Bennett is Eddie Strange? So this guy had a character, Eddie Strange, from San Francisco. Really funny man.

His name was Ross Bennett. He did this Eddie Strange from San Francisco, really funny man. The name was Ross Bennett, he did this Eddie Strange character. So we were in Hawaii, we were at the Officers Club in Honolulu, and it was really kind of rowdy, and the first guy goes, I'm gonna go up there and I'm gonna do 15, he did like eight.

It also was do half an hour, I did like 12. Wow. Right, there was a fucking terrible audience. I mean, terrible audience to say. And that dude went up there and did his act and got a standing ovation. And the next day in the hotel, I said,

hey man, how did that happen last night? What happened? He goes, well, you guys went up there, you were talking to the crowd, you were trying to fucking latch on to something and run with it. He goes, I trust my act so much that I just did my act and I knew that it was gonna take care of me.

And fucking from that day forward, I fucking stopped fucking around with the audience. I went and got some three by five cards and I put my shit in the list. I was really not excited about doing stuff in a list. And then it changed the way I did stand up and changed the way the reaction was. But also leave room to fuck around in there too.

But I'd never went up there and just trying to shoot at the hip and try to fucking land something, no. So that advice was great advice that I got. Because at times, maybe it will work, right? But the times that it doesn't, you lose them. You will lose them. You'll lose them.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you ever done this, and I did this a couple weeks ago, and I feel kind of bad about it, but I really don't, but I had to kind of school my my feature a little bit because he went up I'm not gonna say his name but you know who he is and I love him he's still gonna work for me but um he went he went up and did 20 minutes of crowd work before me oh right so then yeah so then when I went up they were talkative because what it does is opens up in their minds the audience thinks oh we can talk to them right and it would it I struggled a

little bit I mean I still got on but it was like tough you know and I told them I go don't fucking talk to them I mean would you ever school the feature yeah of course you've done it before yeah yeah like don't do this don't go over the time that's fine and don't and don't talk to the audience. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a huge one, over time. It just... Especially if it's your guy, your guys are to set the table or tee it up or whatever, but to go in the audience and then for 20 minutes would be like, no, can't do that.

Back in the day when you did clubs and stuff and they gave you a feature or an opener, did you ever yell at them or no? Sometimes you go to a club, right, and you're like, I made table comics, so you're like, I want to save some money. I'll go. And then the local comics will go before me. But you don't know them at all. You don't know their acts. You know what I mean? You don't even know if your audience will like them or whatever. And then like they, you see them, you're like, Oh no, you know what

I mean? If I had to say stuff, you know what I mean? Have you? You know, I, I, I was pretty lucky. I had pretty good guys, you know, but also, I would probably say when I started doing clubs and traveling in the 80s, it wasn't an issue. There wasn't thousands of people out there either, so you kind of got an idea of who was out there. And then when I started to headline the clubs, I started to take my own guys. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Once, uh... What? What are you laughing about? I didn't say anything yet.

I know, but you know, before you say what you're saying, I support I gotta let you say what you're saying, but just come in with some confidence. Okay, it's like once like the new audience, like on the internet, they see a bunch of comed communities doing crowd work, they go to comedy shows now thinking, oh, we can talk to them even though that's not the audience. That's right. Yeah. You know what I'm talking about, Bob? He doesn't use a lot of words,

but he fucking get out there. Yeah. Hey. No, he's right, he's right. Yeah, I think that's right. I think that's right. Yeah, I mean, there's been a couple of guys that went viral recently.

Can't name names, but, and they, you know, they made it through crowd work, because obviously, you know, they probably filmed 30 shows, and then one of the shows, it's really working. They put that clip up, right, and it's like, you know, yeah, I never really thought about that, but I suppose that would affect club comedy or just comedy in general.

But I don't know, I've never, you know, I haven't really witnessed a lot of heckling. If you're doing a fucking arena and you're doing broad work in an arena, you don't belong in the fucking arena, to tell you the truth. Yeah. Because it's too big. Yeah.

And you know, screens or whatever, somebody's looking down. Even when you're in a bigger theater, you can't see the people in front. So you feel like you're just watching through glass or something, you don't know what they're talking to. So at some point, you're gonna have to have material. It's not gonna fly. It's almost like the wave of sitcoms

or the wave of fads or the wave of the stock market. It's what people are into, and then it's gonna be what people aren't into. And where are you gonna be when people aren't into it? Oh, right, right, right, right, right. It is a fad, I guess. What's your perfect amount of people to perform in front of? Because I've done a couple of gigantic,

like I did a show with Segura and Byrd and Shane Gillis and Vegas, it was like 18,000, and I hated it. You know what I mean? You know, I didn't hate it because it's like, there was no heckling and it's like, you know, it was a seat and a round too, so I didn't know where to turn. You know what I mean?

I would do like this Michael Jackson, I would turn around like this, you know what I mean? I didn't know what to do, right, yeah? And then it's like, it was kind of a blur. I got off and I think Kimmel was there, Jim was like, great job, whatever, right? But I didn't feel like I connected really yeah, you know I mean I mean, I think two three thousand five thousand is good. Not that I you know, I mean, yeah

I just do clubs right now, but you know, but were you nervous to go up? What were you nervous to go up in front of that many people? No, I had done it before you know I mean, but it's like a what I'm just asking one time I got booed off the stage in front of 20,000 people 20 years ago. Oh shit. It was called the Dog House Comedy Jam up north. In San Francisco?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was like, I had to follow Leslie Jones when she was young and she dry humped this white kid in the crowd. Crushed it. And you could hear the stated rattle. And I walked up there two minutes in, I was getting boot off stage.

And that's crowd shit too. I mean that's all like, you know. If you were a headliner, you wouldn't want to have a comedian humping somebody from the audience before you went up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It would not be your fucking ideal situation. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, that's part of it. Yeah, there's nothing harder than following Brad Williams twerking at the ice house, you know. Oh, right, right, right. It's like, oh, should I part of it. There's nothing harder than following Brad Williams twerking at the ice house. Oh, right, right, right. It's like, oh, should I gotta go up there and talk about it? Unless you're closing, if you're closing, do whatever you fucking want.

If you're closing, you can do whatever you want. You earned it. If you're closing, you earned it. But in some of those, like, you know what I mean, all-star comedy jams, and you're like with 20 other, 12 other great comedians. And I get it if you're going up there to have to kill you Right do what you gotta do to kill but

It's like you rarely do stand-up, but you have so much knowledge Don't understand of that much Yeah, but you know what I don't want to burn out. I want a perspective. It's great, dude. You know what Bruce Lee says? I want to be like water. You have to be like water. You know what I mean?

You're being like water right now, and I want you to hit the dam. George, can I bring this up? This is the problem with Bobby sometimes. You ask that question, this is his thing. I have to put the damn dog? I feel free. Why are you telling me to put the damn dog? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look at this dude. Well you see how he looks at you? Bobby's looking at you like this. It's not a normal look.

Because it's a skill set I never learned. I'm learning from you. It's a skill set to be like water. Let me tell you something. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you too, but my tenant, I'm not a guy, if I go to a CAA Christmas party, I'm the dude with a Diet Coke sitting down and just watching people.

But that's a comedian's all kind of like that. Yeah, yeah. I don't know how to go, oh, there's so and so. There's Bradley Cooper, I'm gonna try to get a job. What's this? I would never do that either. There it is. MGM not knowing where to stare in the three.

I'm not gonna stare in the three. I'm not gonna stare in the three. I'm not gonna stare in the three. I'm not gonna stare in the three. I'm not gonna stare in the three. I'm not gonna stare in the three. I'm not gonna stare in the three. I'm not gonna stare in the three. I'm not gonna stare in the three. I'm not gonna stare in the three. I'm not gonna stare in the three. I don't know how to go, oh, there's so-and-so. There's Bradley Cooper. I'm gonna try to get a job. What's this?

I would never do that either. There it is. There it is. MGM not knowing where to stare in the three. You can do the Michael Jackson move. You can do the Michael Jackson move. Look at how fat I was. Oh my God, I'm a baked potato.

Look at that. You know what, I never saw you looking like that. What do you mean? What do you mean? I don't know, I never really saw you as fat. Yeah, yeah, but when you look at that, I'm fat, right? Yeah. Well, I hooked up with a girl that night,

so she didn't care, but it's like, yeah, I was a... You look like one of the zombies in 28 Days Later. He said, oh. What do you mean? You ever not seen that trailer? Oh, the new one. 28 Years. 28 Years Later, yeah. Where they have like a man. Oh, yeah hands and they help me more hair

Tell me more Hey, but do you have an idea do you have an idea in your head of what you'll do and what you'll not do or Do you do everything you don't do everything do you what do you mean everything? Like, you know if you say, you know three to seven or five thousand or or those shows from the radio stations Would you turn that down because you'd say, you know what, it's kinda not my thing I'm comfortable with? The only thing I won't do is corporate gigs. Because I don't like people telling me what not to say.

But anything else, I say yes. I mean, I'm confident in that way. I feel like I have a big following and I feel like, and my fans are so fun, you know what I mean? So it's like, no, I feel very blessed. So I know I have confidence. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you excited after you get your hour out

to rebuild an hour or does that give you anxiety? I'm gonna take a break. I'm gonna take a break after that. How long does it take you to write the hour? This hour took 25 years. First, first, first. Yeah, yeah. George.

This is your first special? I've never done a special before. Oh, shit. Yeah, yeah. Where? First? Yeah. George. This is your first special? I've never done a special before. Oh shit. Yeah, yeah. Where is it? I want to go. Yeah, yeah. I've never done one before.

So it's like, this is the first time where a company went, here's the money that I thought I deserved, right? And there was like, and the excitement, you know what I mean? You know, other companies, they were always like, well, pitch it to us, or you know what I mean? We have to companies they're always like well pitch it to us or you know what I mean we have to come see you run it ten times or whatever like that. Right. But this company was like we don't have to see it we want to do it let's let's fucking do it. Yeah. So that's why I'm doing it so I'm a little nervous but um. Oh I saw the I saw you you're on

every like billboard every every bus stop and all that stuff the Hulu you're on the Hulu. No I'm not on the Hulu that's Frankie Cuninness. Anyway um., next year I will be with Sebastian's on my, you know what I mean, Maniscalco. So, I don't know dude, I'm gonna shoot in San Diego. It's gonna be at the Balboa Theater, January 23rd and 24th. And, you know, I'm gonna be ready. And then we'll see what happens. Listen motherfucker, if you're not ready by January 23rd,

I'll fucking come and fucking take you and nobody will ever see you again. Yeah, but I'm getting paranoid of like, is this cool, or you know what I mean? I mean, I'm just gonna put everything that gets a laugh, because sometimes I think like, you know, I get influenced by hipsters, like your type. My type? Yeah, yeah,

you know what I mean, the East side, you know what I mean? The skinny jeans, you know what I mean? The handleball mustache, you know what I mean? And they're yeah, you know what I mean? The East side, you know what I mean? The skinny jeans, you know what I mean? The handleball mustache, you know what I mean? And they're like, you know what I mean? I love that you're talking about hipsters from like 2006. You know what I'm saying? That was really funny. I'm just saying, you know,

you know, comics that talk about Kierkegaard or like Rachmaninoff, you know what I mean? These references, right? And I'm like, I wanna be cool too, but I talk about like my ding dong, and you know what I mean? And my anus and stuff like that, you know what I mean? I think to myself that it's low brow,

but they get big laughs, so I'm just gonna do what feels like it's gonna get a laugh, right? Yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah. And that's cool. What? That is cool. Yeah, and I do a musical number at the end.

So you've never been offered a special before? Or never pursued one? Well, one happened one time, and I don't know if this is really, I'll just name it. A couple years ago, all my fans were like, we're just special. So I saw, let me try to get a deal. So we reached out to the biggest one and they go, we don't know, we'll give him a 15 minute one. Oh.

Right? And after they said that, I was like, oh, no one wants one. You know what I mean? Until like, and then- Is like and then you don't say names Well, I mean yeah, it's whatever that yeah, yeah So I just you know when this hulu came I was like I that's the right amount of Thusianism because I think that I'm a part of you know, I mean the comedy community. Also, I have a voice that's different I do comedy that's different and I I've paid my dues, man. I got Mad TV in 2000.

Yeah. You know what I mean? I've been doing it. You're great there. Yeah, I was just doing everything. I've done everything, man. It's like, just give me something. You know what I mean?

And so, they're gonna do it. Fucking 25 years ago, man. I know. He said 2000, I was like fucking 25 years ago. Fast. Yeah, it's incredible. It's incredible. Fast.

Yeah. And I feel, I'm so glad that I found a new new audience that makes me feel like I have some relevancy still No, no but this but this is like if you if you saw somebody do sets or you saw it became a fan of theirs from television and and then They see you here. It's more personal here. Yeah, then it is on TV that you get a following Oh, they really like him on TV because it he's funny, but this I mean is deeper Following more soulful they see you in a different element. They see what you are then that's that's the following you want

Yeah, because they know about my trauma I don't want to talk about myself But the trauma and Mike you know the dark times when I grew up because I grew up in a very violent home And all that stuff it was pretty dark dude and um although my parents loved me, it was just like Korean rage. You know what I mean? And if you get a B on your report card, you get beaten, that kind of thing, you know what I mean? Yeah, I know.

So they must be fucking thrilled you're a comedian. Well, you know, when I did the, I've said this a thousand times, but when I did the Tonight Show, my dad called me the next day and he goes, how much you pay them? He thought that I called Jay Leno, he goes, here's 20 grand.

He doesn't know how it works. When I said no, this is a miracle that I got this. I'm a doorman at the store and they asked a doorman to do the Tonight Show. And obviously after Tonight Show I quit my job at the Comedy Store as an employee, but then later when I got Mad TV. They they did sketches with us Oh, yeah, I just get with Ike Barinholtz with my dad a couple of times right pretty fun

But the last question I want to ask you George is um what else do you want to do in your career? Well, you know I want to go until 2029 because it's 50 years So you know my grandfather used to tell me 2029 because it's 50 years. Wow. So, you know, my grandfather used to tell me I was fucking lazy and I wasn't going to be shit. And, you know, my grandma told me it wasn't funny and all those things that you talk about.

So I was like, you know, if I could do 50 years, I think, I think it's a long time. Yeah, yeah. So if I go to 2029, I talked about retiring, but I think, you know, the show comes back, there's some movies there, produce some stuff, produce some stuff, maybe do some young comic stuff, and I've learned a lot in the 25 years.

And I produced over almost 200 episodes of TV, so they would say that. I'd share it out a little bit, run it out a little bit. But at 29. But not as removed as I was 25 years ago, or not as distant as I was. I was or not as distant as I was I was really distant I was really nobody kind of really knew me. Yeah, and then in this new thing. I'm a little more accessible Yeah, of course, and but I just so I can't see myself not going up. Yeah, I'll retire

But I think I'd always do spots. Don't you think or no? I could see myself not going up. Really? Wow, wow, wow long time, you see myself not going up. Really? Yeah. Wow, wow, wow. It's a long time, you know. It's different, it's different. Everybody has different needs of it, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Can you see yourself not going up

because that time is sacred to you or because you think you've said everything you wanted to do? Well, I think you always have something to say. I mean, things the way shit is right now. But I think in a way of that it's given you so many opportunities, you know, from just writing on a piece of paper,

you know, three Grammy nominations and then whatever the stuff is and movies and stuff and all from that. So I think, you know, I appreciate it respectfully, always love it, but I could see myself, you know, taking a bit of a sidestep. Yeah, pulling a gene hack and I just disappear. And then the fucking rats eat me and fucking...

LAUGHS God damn! Yeah, we still don't know what... You know, I don't care where you live. Yeah, yeah. When someone goes into your house and they're not supposed to be there, they look at this shit and you're like,

who the fuck would live in that? LAUGHS That's a nice place, but I mean, all the places that you see... Yeah, yeah. They all look like motherfucking hobos, like people are in their fucking bed. But also you have money, Gene. Go to Hawaii, right? Buy an island.

That's right. That's what I would have bought an island. But also he's really old and fragile. So his wife, you have money, I would say, his wife should not have been taking care of him. He should have had round the clock people taking care of him. Dude, there's gonna be 20 people taking care of me, checking up on me.

So you're not having dip watching TV, eating fucking Roach Cocka. Yeah. It's all that shit that got him that the house was fucking dirty, man. Wow, no house cleaner. Wow. Right, that's a thing, man, when you got, yeah.

When you have dementia and you're in. Or when you're in a- Rats, yeah, the rats gave a hantavirus to the wife, and then the wife couldn't care for him since she died first. What's a hanta? That's right. What's hanta? It's something that rats give you.

Wow, if I see one rat, I'm gonna get a guy to bite you to get it? No, no, they're just being around. It's like a disease that you get from a rat. That's crazy. Dude, that's, yeah, man. That's crazy. Yeah, anyway That's yeah, that's crazy Yeah, anyway, I had a house in Hawaii and I saw I got bit by a fucking centipede I know I said a Pete and it's like electric. It's like you got electrocuted

Whoa, I was on the bed and I heard you know That was like fucking centipede fucking bit me and that motherfucker was like that long Wow, I call the organ guy now and I said over here and bomb, if I see a fucking gecko, 25, I want 2,500 feet of fucking sperm that nothing's gonna come in there because you're sleeping and this thing fucking bites you or you see that, I mean come on man. Is that where Elvis died?

The same thing. Gene Hackman's home. That's Gene Hackman's home. Bobby? Yeah. wow. Look at the evidence thing, the one, two, three, see? Oh, right, right, wow, evidence, wow. I mean- Yo, man, that's,

they got a candle in the fucking bathroom. Bobby, you have like the same set. I'm doing the same shit. What, I have the same set? You have candles everywhere. They have fucking things open, yeah. Fuck you. Candles everywhere.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my, okay, I'll change my shit. Yeah, please. Yeah, man, that's- Yeah, yeah, wow. Oh my, okay, I'll change my shit. Please. Yeah, man, that's. Yeah, yeah, wow, that's so sad. What a legend, what a legend. Yeah, you know, if you get to the point where you're like, you gotta enjoy,

like just at least have, be taken care of. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, George. I love you guys, man, this was fun. That was amazing. Can I tell you a joke George? Yeah Because we're right in there, but so me and my friends back home. We wrote a joke because you know we're Latinos Grub watching you know Lopez. Yeah

He's so nervous Yeah, and how was that you like you did you like my show and stuff you thought you woke up a dream That's how I remember. I always wanted to be Max. Oh! I was only me. Yeah, I want to be Max. Are you really nervous right now?

A little bit, yeah. Yeah. But yeah. All right, so what does George Lopez get out of Starbucks? Oh, uh... What do you think his order is? Tell me. Just guess.

The joke, you... He doesn't know the punch line. So what's... What does George Lopez get at Starbucks? What's his order? Yeah. What's his order? My child. Hey!

That's good. I need contacts. I like it. Because I always say, watch out. So that's good. Yeah, I like it. Cause I would say watcha. So that's it. Oh, very good. That's a really good joke.

Wow. Watcha. Watcha. Wow. That's incredible, dude. He's not gonna use that joke. Oh, you know that. It's funny. It is funny.

So George, thank you for doing our podcast. Honestly, dude, I love you so much and give George Lopez a round of applause. That was amazing. Look at his dance. Look at his tour dates. Yeah, I was gonna wrap it up. I did miss it. I've been kind of off since November, but I did.

I did miss it. So you're doing a New Brunswick, New Jersey, Waterbury. Yeah, I did Water it. I've been kind of off since November, but I did I did miss it So you're doing a New Brunswick, New Jersey Waterbury. Yeah, I did waterbury last week last week. Okay, so then what's coming up? Long Beach is coming up Rock casino. Yeah, good stuff. Wow, man Also, his special just came out on Amazon on Amazon on Amazon. So check out his special on Amazon and In a couple years, we'll have you back on George. We love you. I can't wait. I love you too guys. We love you. Alright.

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