TigerBelly - Harland Williams & Your Lips are Udamu

Episode Date: April 22, 2026

Comedian Harland Williams returns. We chat armadillos as tanks, monkeys vs apes, colonoscopy talk, the mystery of the clitoris, the horny toad defense system, Bobby’s cameo in Harland’s m...ovie, and Wingman.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 What's that you're wearing? That's that white lotus or something. That's my hair oil. Oh, you should get him some. I haven't heard that term in a long time. Really? My hair oil? No, that's my hair oil.
Starting point is 00:00:41 Oh, really? Who'd you hear that from before in the past? I don't know. I think I heard. Your grandmother. Your grandmother. No, no, it was the shell station in Bakersfield. Oh, I see. Was she working behind the counter?
Starting point is 00:00:51 I don't know. Yeah, you don't know anything, do you? I don't know much. I know. Is it smell good to you? What? Does this smell good to you? It smells good, yeah.
Starting point is 00:00:58 Yeah, yeah. It's her product, does she created. You created a product? Yeah. Setsifora. Do you want one? What'd she say? Sesaforra.
Starting point is 00:01:08 Sessifora. It's pronounced Sifora. Oh, it is? Yeah, it's already a big company. Oh, right. I didn't know that. They sell makeup all over North America. North America.
Starting point is 00:01:18 Yeah. Whole world. Your eyes. Say it. Your eyes. Get the hair oil, air oil. That's not the hair oil? Don't leave my eyes hanging.
Starting point is 00:01:32 I'm seducing the camera. You said your eye and then you just left it and I'm doing this. Yeah, yeah. I want you to keep doing it. I am, but you just left. Your eyes are blue as it the one. Oh, bless you. I wrecked it.
Starting point is 00:01:46 It fucking wrecked it, dude. I'm seducing. I'm seducing. Are you being real right now, dude? Yeah. Are you being absolutely real right now, dude? Can I get to bless you? Bless you.
Starting point is 00:01:55 Bless you. I did. I gave you one. Yeah, bless you. No, I'm seducing six cameras and I get like a SARS sneeze. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got a, there was more bird flu? Yeah. Yeah, it was a bird flu.
Starting point is 00:02:04 Yeah. Could we do it again without the infection? I really can't. Well, what about what I want? Not what you want. I'll try it again. Thanks, that's all I asked. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:02:16 Your nose. Eyes. I want to go nose. I don't do nose. You don't do nose? I don't do nose. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your eyes are as deep as an open wound on a blue whale's fin.
Starting point is 00:02:38 Thank you. You're welcome. But give me one. Your eyes are as puffy as a lemon meringue pie. I'm not finished. Why do you? Oh, it's all right. Your eyes, or is puffy. I'm changing it to a blueberry cobbler on my grandmother's window ledge.
Starting point is 00:02:57 And four chickadeys fly down and peck at the cinnamony crust on top. Okay. Let's go more. Can you do one to me or? Can I do one to you? Okay, yeah. My eyes, though? No, not your eyes.
Starting point is 00:03:16 Oh, yeah, my lips, since you make. fun of them a lot. Yeah. Okay. Your lips are like a Seth. Can I start over? Can I start over? Whoa.
Starting point is 00:03:28 Where was that, though? Seth Green. That's what I was going. Start over. That's a woman. That's a lady. You don't Seth Green a woman. All right.
Starting point is 00:03:39 You don't South Green me. All right. Your lips are like a North Carolina. Fuck. I can't do it. I can't do it. No, I'm not okay today. What's going on?
Starting point is 00:03:50 Give me another one. To her lip. Yeah, I'm going to do. Your lips look like a West Congo Lake. Parfer fish. Deep within, you mean a quagmire of different rocks that smashed his face in and the moisture, what they call blood, form a puffy gel. Right called Udamu.
Starting point is 00:04:16 Udamo That was not as good as yours I would have just said Yeah yeah yeah yeah I try to go along with you I don't think I'm as good at that I would have done That's what I was talking about
Starting point is 00:04:27 Udammu was all you needed You could have just gone Your lips are Udamu Oh I You did all that other hyperbole Yeah hyperbole All that like herbal diarrhea Isn't that what you did
Starting point is 00:04:40 I do what's called eloquent Oh you do eloquent Can you teach me eloquent Sure. Yeah, teach me something. Well, let's see some lettuce guy. Lettuce? I'm not giving you a freebie. You need money.
Starting point is 00:04:54 Yeah, lettuce. Toss daddy's from lettuce. Yeah, you want some lettuce? What do you got? What do you got? What do you got, play, hair? Yeah, yeah. Here you go.
Starting point is 00:05:05 How you doing? You want some fucking lettuce? Go, give me the lettuce. Yeah, some lettuce for you, baby. What's up? A dollar. Okay. What do you want the, what word?
Starting point is 00:05:14 Nobody teach me how to do eloquence. I am, but you got to give me the topic you want. Oh, really? You're paying for it. His face. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do his face. Your face is like a jackal lantern
Starting point is 00:05:28 glowing in the night on Jeffrey Dahmer's front porch. It's illuminated with candles, and you end up eating your own face because you're a cannibal, you freak. And that was a bonus. I did a bonus freak at the end. What it is is that Unumu wasn't What do you call it?
Starting point is 00:05:50 What do you call what? When you go three? What do you call you? Onomatopoeia? No? Well, yeah. Accentuate. Is that the word accentuate?
Starting point is 00:06:01 Accentuate. Not accentuate, accentuate. But to me it was just a bonus. Because you gave me a dollar. You're a friend. We are? Yeah. If you think I'm just going to do one
Starting point is 00:06:13 and not give a buddy a freebie a bonus at the end. I added on, I could have just said freak. Oh, so if I give you more money. But I went, jee-he-he-h. Oh, right, if I give you more money. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's a bonus. What else do I have here?
Starting point is 00:06:27 Oh, you want another one? Yeah. Here's a rare $2 bill. Oh, wow. Wow, you don't see these anymore. Why do you have a rare $2 bill? It's my lucky $2, but I'll never use it. So it's been in your wallet for how long?
Starting point is 00:06:41 25 years. Wow. Wow, dude. Wow. What do I get for this? Well, you give me another word. Another. Yeah, but this one has to be two minutes long.
Starting point is 00:06:53 Okay. Do you think that's hard for me? I don't think it's hard for you. Can somebody have a timer? Yep. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I time this one, right? And then I'm going to tell you're going to do George, our producer's face.
Starting point is 00:07:07 But they can't see him so they don't know. All right. But if you want to talk about my nose then. Oh, you got a timer up there? You talk about my nose? Yeah. My lips? Yeah, about your whole face.
Starting point is 00:07:18 Yeah, do my whole face. Okay. Two minutes. Two minutes. A rare $2 bill. Who's timing it? We are right now. Oh, so I don't get paid until after I do it.
Starting point is 00:07:26 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Tell me when the timer starts. Five, four, three, two, one. Your face puffs in the night like a lighthouse at the edge of the world. It radiates a soft yellow light across the top of the ocean. flickering, dancing, square dancing, sniffing the night like an anteater blowing ants backwards
Starting point is 00:07:51 out of its nose. Your eyes drip down your face like runny fried eggs in the dumpster and Denny's. And the massive pussie zit on your chin boils like a volcano crying in the night. Your whiskers dangled down like elk pubis. brushing the forest floor where the mushroom people live. The elves and the ants fleeing, thinking that perhaps maybe this time the hair monster has come. Your eyes and your hair, your cheeks puffed up like Chinese roasted potatoes. Boiling in a pot deep in the heart of Korea town, even though the Chinese. Your ears full of wax, finding their way in the middle of the night to the European Wax Center at 5-729 Melrose Boulevard,
Starting point is 00:08:54 and dripping, dripping through the blackness of night, onto an altar boy, crying, crying behind the Dairy Queen in the middle of winter, where two homosexuals are playing in the snow, and making snow anals. Yes, your face puffs like a disease dripping down the side of Helen Keller's hairy leg and forming a puddle that inches its way closer to the sea with a salmon spawn. Yes.
Starting point is 00:09:32 And squirt. You did it. Time. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow, here you go, baby.
Starting point is 00:09:41 Wow. My favorite was the European Wax Center. Because I've been there. I've gotten my bushwax there. You did? Once upon a time, yeah. See, I went in there about three weeks ago. You did.
Starting point is 00:09:53 I was driving by. And I saw it. It's at a strip mall. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And it's like, I haven't bought candles in ages. And I go in. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:04 Are you being real? I'm being real. I come out. You thought it was a candle store. I went in to get candles. I was cooking blueberry, cran, cinnamon, raspberry. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I came out an hour later with a Brazilian.
Starting point is 00:10:17 And I've been walking sideways like a horseshoe crab for a three weeks. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's not what that is. Well, now I know. Yeah. Now I know. Why think a normal person would have been like, oh, you don't sell candles here?
Starting point is 00:10:28 I'm going to leave. Well, European Wax Center. Like, guys don't know. You're Canadian. Yeah. Okay. But Europe. Do you know.
Starting point is 00:10:39 what like a wax center is? Yes, I do. You're a guy. I know. Have you ever been, did you ever go through what I went through? No, I never did. Okay. What do you mean? Okay. Well, I went through a trauma. Oh, it's a trauma. Well, you seem to just be rolling it off. I know, you paid for your own trauma?
Starting point is 00:10:56 I didn't know. I thought it was getting a candle. Oh, I see. I thought it was getting... Oh, so you probably went in there. Right. Can I buy a candle? Right. Which is code word for, can I get waxed? They slapped me down. They slapped me. You, you, you pay. I paid.
Starting point is 00:11:09 I paid. You went back inside a room. Yeah. Right? It laid you down. Pulled my pants off. Yeah. And you go, whoa, where are my candles?
Starting point is 00:11:17 Yeah, and they wax my vagina. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I heard your vagina is very nice. It's smooth. Yeah, yeah, it's very good. I like to see it one day. You would? They're like armadillo toes?
Starting point is 00:11:30 No, I said it's... Is that what you said? You'd like to see it one day? Do you see it? They look like armadillo to us. No, I said it's as smooth as an armadillos, and then you cut me on. off. Oh, I created toes. But if you'd like to see it, I can show you
Starting point is 00:11:43 now. I would not like to see it. I was kidding. I'd love to show it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But does it look beautiful? Yeah, no, sit down, sit down. What are you doing? You said you wanted to see? Yeah, I don't want to see your fucking vagina right now. Why not? Because I don't like armadillo toes. You just said you want to do. What the hell's wrong with you? Why won't you let me show it?
Starting point is 00:12:02 Don't be it. What are you doing, dude? I'm trying to show. Don't put your dick out, dude. Well, fix it. You pick a dog. Quit pretending you don't know how to do this. Nice belt. And we're good. Sit down.
Starting point is 00:12:20 Okay. Well, I don't know why you asked me. Yeah, yeah. Anyways, how are you? Good. How are your pants? That's what it looks like, okay, good.
Starting point is 00:12:32 Thank you for the reference. Yeah. It's like rough, though. That's scaly. The scaly. Yeah. Those things are like nature's tanks. I used to drive an 18-wheeler, and I was down in Florida.
Starting point is 00:12:44 You were. And one of these things ran across the road. I hid it, and my 18-wheeler flipped up over-end, and that little critter just kept going. Don't call that a whore. It ruined my rig. Oh, you can call it a war. If something ruins my 18-wheeler, my Mac, I'm going to call it a, you know what.
Starting point is 00:13:05 Yeah, yeah. Did it survive? Yeah, I told you, it ran off. But my rig, and I was hauling rebar, and that's heavy. And this... Oh, rebar, yeah, that's very heavy. And then the whole rig...
Starting point is 00:13:19 Wow, I didn't know that armadilloes were that strong. Over, boom. Off he goes to eat mealworms and grubs and dragonfly larva. It was almost as if Michael Bay was there filming it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or who? Christopher Nolan.
Starting point is 00:13:34 Dark Knight. Who's your... your nutty friend. I got him from a special place. Yeah. Yeah. You don't know Christopher Nolan? Dark Knight.
Starting point is 00:13:44 He flips the whole rig over. He did? Yeah. No, it's doing a Michael Bay joke. Oh. Oh, because you know him, right? Don't be like this. I mean, Harlan knows a lot of people.
Starting point is 00:13:55 Are you having a fight? No, we're not having a fight. I know Michael Bay. Don't you? Yeah. He goes to the store a lot. I did a commercial for him once. Did you really?
Starting point is 00:14:03 Yeah. I did one too for him as well. Which one? Can we talk about? I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk about it. Can you name the product at least? It was Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi. Pepsi. Oh. What was yours from squirt? I did a squirt commercial. Wow. Yeah. No, but this guy right here, do you guys, have you met before him? Yeah. You're where?
Starting point is 00:14:31 Last time I was here. And you, you like them? I don't know them well enough. I don't dislike them. Yeah, yeah. But, yeah. But, you guys, But I don't know him. Yeah, what is the feeling, though? Is it positive or negative? Positive. It's a positive feeling. Yeah, it seems like a friendly, nice guy.
Starting point is 00:14:47 Yeah. I don't know him. He didn't give you knuckles just now. Oh, yeah. I try to give you knuckles. Well, I've seen him at the store too, so. Yeah, now and then. Yeah, now and that.
Starting point is 00:14:55 But I don't know him. I don't know him. But if you saw him at the comedy center, would you say hi? Yeah, I've said hi to him. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:01 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Why? I like to play a little game of mystery with you. Yeah, you and our mystery people. I like to keep you on a hook. Yeah. I like to keep you on a line and a hook. I like you to never know if you're on steady ground with me. Yeah, and you're not. I like to play with your mind. Your mind and your toes. I like to kind of keep you like on your heels. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:27 I never want you to know where you sit with me or how we stand. Who you are. Or what I'm all about. What's my journey. Yeah, yeah. Your mind is somewhere else. In another place. Clarna will help you with budgeting. Klarna! It lets you split purchases into different payment options. I love budgeting, don't you? I love the option to not pay the full bulk amount immediately. Exactly.
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Starting point is 00:16:29 I just payments when plans change without stress. Do you like stress? I hate stress too, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the worst. Yeah. And sometimes I want something so bad and I just don't have the money right then and there. Exactly.
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Starting point is 00:18:34 Prescription required. See website for full details. Restrictions and important safety information. Individual results. may vary based on studies of topical and oral monoxidil and finasteride. I'm thinking about you right now. I'm thinking about you. I'm looking somewhere else.
Starting point is 00:18:52 I was literally just thinking about you. But I'm looking over this way. Yeah, but I'm looking at this way. But you know what? It goes in the circle. You know how like that new space rocket that you stand around the inertia? Yeah. That's what my mind was doing.
Starting point is 00:19:06 Inertia around the moon. Yeah. And I went right into his brain, right? But his went into a black hole. Artimus. Yeah. And when I say black hole, I mean butthole. Whoa. Is it not black?
Starting point is 00:19:18 Player. Wait, why? How is that a bad thing to say? I didn't say anything. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, go ahead. I didn't say anything. Okay.
Starting point is 00:19:28 I've never been up there. Nobody has. Yeah, but I'm sure it's nice. Yeah, yeah. It's flat earth. You think it's flat earth theory? Yeah, everybody is a flat butthole. It's no round.
Starting point is 00:19:41 Oh, that's actually the most untrue. true thing. You think your butthole is flat? Oh, it's got ridges. When you're sitting down like this. Harlan, you're an expert of buttholes, right? Yeah. Right? Yeah. In terms of the ridges, why, all the different
Starting point is 00:19:56 parts? Yeah. Right? So, when you look at a butthole, right, those little like ridges, they look like wrinkles. Yeah. Why do they exist? He's an expert. He went to college. That was your master's, no? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What university? DeVry. DeVro.
Starting point is 00:20:14 Yeah, DeVry, five years to study the butthole at DeVrae University, which is a long time, I believe. Yeah. But you got your master's in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so the wrinkles on the butthole. Well, they're actually not wrinkles. Okay, what are they called?
Starting point is 00:20:27 The scientific name is aneuples. Oh, they're anupils. And how many anupils does an average human being have? The average anews has 47. 47? 47. Yeah. Enupils.
Starting point is 00:20:41 Yeah. Why do they exist? Well, what they do is they help the inertia of the loaf. Oh, the loaf. Is that the scientific term for feces? Yeah. The loaf. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:20:54 So what, wait, I'm sorry, because I'm, you know, I'm just a curious fellow. I'm trying to give you the answer. Why do they call it the loaf? Because whenever I poo and I look at my poo, I don't go, oh, sourdough bread. I mean, I don't, it doesn't look like a baked. What does it look like to you? To me, it looks like a brown submarine. Okay.
Starting point is 00:21:14 Yeah, yeah, yeah. And if you saw a submarine in the ocean, and you put crust on it, it would look like a underwater loaf. That is so true. You're the master. Yeah. Or they continue. So the nooples? Yeah, the anupils. The anupils. A nuples.
Starting point is 00:21:32 And you called it the anus. The anus. Yeah. It just seems weird hearing the word anews and then that. that giggle. Like, I'm going to do it again. You'll have to force the giggle. I don't want to force the giggle.
Starting point is 00:21:48 But just if you could fork, because I'm going to... I've never heard a noose before. Ready? A noose. Oh, you don't have the giggle in you. I don't have a giggle anymore. So if you ever... Oh, do it again. A news.
Starting point is 00:21:59 Yeah, it's like if the Pilbary... Pillsbury Doe Boy was addicted to ass. Yeah. I think that's what it would say. Yeah, yeah. Would you want me to do it in his voice? Who's voice? Pillsbury doughboy?
Starting point is 00:22:10 I would like to. Ainuze. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, it works. I think we found something together. But back to the anews. And the aneuple. No, don't Google it.
Starting point is 00:22:23 The aneuble. Yeah, because that's rude to our professor here. Yeah, please take it out, please. Thank you. So there's physics behind the anupils. The anupils, yeah. Right. So have you ever seen, and you can bring this up if you want, the pads on a gecko's fingers?
Starting point is 00:22:38 Oh, yeah. Look that up. Pads of a gecko's fingers. It helps them, well, they're little ridges, and they help them stick to the walls, believe it or not. And so there they are. Whoa, there are we are. Is that, like, if I look at a normal human beings, an average human beings, aneuple. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:22:56 Yeah. Because sometimes I'm sure it's smaller with Brad Williams. No, no. Picture the anupils as the lines on his fingers, but picture his palm as your anews. So the anupils on the outer rim of your anews As those are designed to help him scale the walls The anupils are designed to help pull your loaf out Wow
Starting point is 00:23:21 It gives them traction So it has, it does have purpose It has a function They have a function It's them They're 47 of them Well, we don't know We don't know
Starting point is 00:23:33 Yeah, yeah He's she whatever There's 47 of them Yeah, there's 40 of them. And so have you ever been mid loaf and it's sort of, you get a log jam? What is a log jam? That's when it sort of just stops. The loaf stops.
Starting point is 00:23:48 Oh, it's like the straight of her moves. Right. Yes, it's like the straight of her moves. It just stops. But then all of a sudden it starts moving again and that's the get pupils pulling it. All right, that's because somebody announced that maybe the war is going to end in a couple trickle out. No, no. Okay.
Starting point is 00:24:04 You're politicizing your loaf. Oh, yeah. I am. Oh, I am. Yeah. I apologize. You're really pulling politics into your A-News. We don't want to go there. I'm going to loaf out the politics.
Starting point is 00:24:16 Yeah. All right. Let's start up for it. But if there's a log jam. If you want to bring the gecko fingers up again, the nooples serve a physical function. They help those little ridges. Yes.
Starting point is 00:24:31 They help extract the loaf. Wow. Yeah. No, can, can. I mean, you asked. I don't want. You went to college for it. DeVry.
Starting point is 00:24:40 Let's say the name. Let's say the name. All right. You went five years to study that specific part of the human body. Yeah. And why wouldn't I ask that question? Is it a very curious question. Am I not right, Calada?
Starting point is 00:24:50 I know. So can I ask you another question? Go ahead. Sure. Um, doctor. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:24:55 Um, yeah. Yeah, so if you look at the human ethnicity, will you agree that there are ethnicities on the earth? Yes. Yes. Why'd you have to think about it? No, I didn't. I said yes, almost instantaneously.
Starting point is 00:25:19 Why did you try to deceive your audience and make them think I hesitate it? Because in editing, we're going to leave a gap. A five-second gap. Anyway, I'm kidding, don't do that. I wouldn't mind if you left a five-saint-a-five-step-day-up. If there's one thing I know, girls like a stupid guy. And so if you can make me look stupid,
Starting point is 00:25:41 that's going to work for me, even though I do have a degree from DeVry. Yeah, that's right. Go ahead. So if you have a black person, a brown person. Right. So you have the anus. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:25:56 A nuples. Yeah. Right. And if you, the tube, it's, Right? No matter what race color, the person is, it's always pink.
Starting point is 00:26:04 Why is that? Well, an easy question. It is? Does this seem like an easy question, Kalila? For someone who studied the news at DeVry, it's an easy question. Why don't you say anything? Well, no, like he's the professional
Starting point is 00:26:22 from DeVry. I want to hear of it. I know, but do you agree with what he's saying it so far? Yeah, everything. Okay, good. Why aren't you writing it down like Hyman? I have been.
Starting point is 00:26:29 Okay, or you guys are joint writing it down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, so, answer the question. Okay. So, as you, what? Is this going to be on the test? There's no test.
Starting point is 00:26:38 There's no test. Yeah, yeah. Okay. If you want to write and, you know, wreck your wrist and eventually have horrible arthritis, that's on you. As Darwin told us, as the... Who is Darwin? Charles Darwin. Oh.
Starting point is 00:26:53 Yeah. Okay. As evolution tells us, yes. We evolved from the Great Apes. the... Did we really? Yeah. Wow.
Starting point is 00:27:03 Yeah. The gorilla, the chimpanzee. Yeah, yeah. What about the orangutan? The orangutan. Yeah, spider monkeys? But also, monkeys and apes are two different things.
Starting point is 00:27:13 Well, explain the two. But apes are primates. Yeah? And they have a different DNA. They have their chromosomes are closer to ours than chimpanzees' chromosomes are closer to us than any other mammal. I can't wait for this connection.
Starting point is 00:27:29 I can't wait. Wait, well, I can't wait for. Look, you want a news answers not. No, but I cannot wait to see. Okay, so yes. So the lesser apes or the monkeys, as you alluded to.
Starting point is 00:27:45 Yes, I didn't allude to. If you're like me, when you were a boy, your father took you to the zoo. On the other side of the wall were tribes of mandrills. We're tribes of baboons. Yes. When you're a boy, you would see the male, the leader of the pack, stand up and display.
Starting point is 00:28:06 Poster. All of us as children, even you, wagon wheel tits. We all thought that those monkeys had bubble gum asses. They were big pink asses with an A-Nuce right in the middle. All of us as children. Yes. Yes. I remember the aneuples. All of us as children, we dove over the wall and bit one of those in the ass and started to chew. Daddy had to come and rescue us. No, we didn't. Well, I did. I know you did, but nobody else did that.
Starting point is 00:28:44 But as... You ever jump over the one and chew on one of those? But look at the massive, look at the real estate. Look at the size of the A-News. That's what we call IKEA noose. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. It's like furniture. It's IKEA noose. So as we evolved from the great apes and the monkeys, as we stood erect, well, they stayed on all floors. Our anus receded into our anal passage. Right, and the pink remained, but outside we stayed.
Starting point is 00:29:18 Whoa. Well, if you want, I know, I love the answer. I know. Okay. I think my viewers and our viewers would love to learn about this. This is something new. I've never knew them. Oh, they're learning all right.
Starting point is 00:29:28 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, they are learning. But you know, you would think that, what? So as we evolved, the anewse on humans sucked in. We retained the pink that you see there. I see. But it went inward. Yes, through evolution and went into it.
Starting point is 00:29:46 Whereas the great apes, they haven't evolved. They haven't evolved. They still walk around like double buffets. Helix. Sleep. Helix. Sleep. Dude, guys, I have beds in my room.
Starting point is 00:30:03 And my... You have multiple rooms with many beds. Right? That's what I meant to say. You're a mattress king. I'm the king of all mattresses. And I only use helix because it's the best kind. I really do. People spend the night at my house.
Starting point is 00:30:14 I go, oh my God, I slept so well. I go, what is it? I go, helix. A study that they ran found that 82% of those involved saw an increase in their deep sleep cycle with sleeping on a helix mattress. And honestly, I've had my helix for over five years now And it is still perfect as the first day.
Starting point is 00:30:33 Me too. Let me see. And it's so easy. You just take a quiz. You take the Helix quiz online and they match you with a mattress based on the type of sleeper that you are. Like for instance, me,
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Starting point is 00:31:09 He's mooy passionate. And what's really cool, too, is that they give you 120 nights of a trial. So if you're like, you know what, I don't like it, you can give it back a hundred twenty-old. But you're going to do 10,000 nights after that. Exactly. Yeah. Exactly. But no need to worry.
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Starting point is 00:31:43 Hello? Well, you don't have to look in. It's already on the outside. No, I still have to look in. If they evolved, it would suck in. I still have to look in. Yeah. If I were to look into that, what would I see?
Starting point is 00:31:54 Well, yourself. Question, professor. Yes, yes, dude. Padawan. When you saw these as a young man, yeah. Young boy. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:06 Did you ever, like, because you bit his butt. Yeah, I flew over. I thought it was double bubble. Or grapeo. Have you ever had grape brew or rain blow? And I was over the wall and I was just chewing on that thing
Starting point is 00:32:20 and my old man had to come and get me. Were you ever curious of like tickle, tickle? Well, The closest I got to it, my dad took me. It was called Halloween Monkey Night. And I dove over the wall and put a candle in one. Well, if you're going to laugh.
Starting point is 00:32:44 Wow. You know, I have a degree. I don't. I have a degree, guy, and ain't used. I don't know what it is. I don't know. You just got me in a thing. Oh, God, it makes no sense.
Starting point is 00:32:57 Well, it doesn't make sense to the lay person, but to a professor of A. News. I don't think there was that house. So what was it that he used to bring you to? The monkey house, what? Monkey night. Halloween. Oh, the famous Hollywood monkey nights.
Starting point is 00:33:14 Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I didn't get the opportunity. What neighbor did you grow up in? I didn't grow up in Poway, California. We didn't have those. What'd you have on Halloween at the zoo? Oh, it's at the zoo.
Starting point is 00:33:24 Yeah, monkey nights. Yeah, I wouldn't go to those zoo on Halloween. Oh, you should have. Oh, yeah, I did not know that that was a ritual of the whites. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The whites? What's that mean?
Starting point is 00:33:37 You're white. Am I, though? Yeah. I feel like I'm light pink. Oh. Oh, here we go. I don't like the colors. I don't like the colors as well.
Starting point is 00:33:48 Like, black people to me are brown or bronze. They're not black. Yeah, I'm not that yellow. Like, this is black. Have you ever seen an African-American? Who looks like that? Like that black? I don't think so.
Starting point is 00:34:02 Actually, I have. Where? What? Yeah, you haven't. Yes, I have. Where? Where? I got to hear this story.
Starting point is 00:34:11 In space. In space you saw a black guy that was this black. I was an astronaut in 1978. You didn't know that? If you're an astronaut, I'm an anus doctor. Yeah. I have another question, Professor. Yes.
Starting point is 00:34:29 My friend Bobby is getting a colonoscopy on Wednesday. Wow. Any tips you can give him? Any tips you can give me. Yeah. I would say buy. I would go to the nearest Barnes & Noble or a chapters. I would buy.
Starting point is 00:34:48 What's a chapters? It's a bookstore. Okay, okay. Any bookstore you want. Okay. I would go to the English language section. I would. Why? Why? I would buy...
Starting point is 00:34:58 I don't know Mandarin Chinese or Korean. Well, let me. And I finish. The professor's talking garlic bread teeth. Or whatever they call you. I don't know what they call you down at the spa. Well, you didn't have to call me that. Well, what do they call you at the spa? Jimmy Smalleyes. I'd call you garlic bread teeth. Okay, go ahead.
Starting point is 00:35:16 So I would, if you're going in for a colonoscopy, get to the nearest bookstore ASAP. Okay. Find the English language section. I think it's mostly English language. But anyway, let's move on. Okay. But they have specific, you know, they have science fiction, literature. I understand. The genres, the genres.
Starting point is 00:35:32 Right. So go to the English language section. If you're getting a colonoscopy. Why wouldn't I go to the science section? If you'll let the professor finish still again. Okay, okay. Go and get four or five grammar books, okay? Rip the pages out and eat them raw or put them in hot water out of little salt, some bouillon,
Starting point is 00:35:53 some sliced on. and make a nice grammar soup and drink it and you'll have so many colones inside you, it will... All right. You're going to laugh. After the colonel. Clever.
Starting point is 00:36:16 This guy is so fucking funny, this guy. This guy's so fucking funny, this guy. Holy shit. You really tickle my bones. You tickle my bones. Well, you did ask, in fairness. You did ask, Kalila. You know, because...
Starting point is 00:36:29 Colin, semi-colon. Well, semi-colon, if you're only getting half of it, done. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, very good. That's your advice. Well, yeah, that's my scientific advice. You asked, you did ask. You know so much. I know you wanted to do a comedy podcast,
Starting point is 00:36:45 but I didn't realize we... This is more like a diary of the CEO or, you know what I mean? Something that you would learn something. That's okay. I don't mind. I can flow. I can drive. I can shop. I'm grateful.
Starting point is 00:36:58 I can... I can do this too. I can do this. What am I doing here? You're looking in my brain? Yeah. You know what? You felt it.
Starting point is 00:37:07 Yeah. Yeah. Around the moon. Yeah. Yep. Around the moon. We feel each other. We feel each other.
Starting point is 00:37:12 A lot of times we don't have to talk. We just feel each other. Yeah. So, doctor, that was your major, was the anus. Enous. What was your minor at DeVry? Well, oh boy. Do we want to?
Starting point is 00:37:26 go there? Yeah, I do. I do because I think it's interesting. I think the fans would like to know because it's a very important... Let me just say something before you answer. It's a very important topic. I think that it is something that every, not just American, human beings should know,
Starting point is 00:37:42 memorize, maybe study themselves because it's very, very important. And your minor was what? Clitoris. Yes. The clitoris. Yes. Memorize. It's very important. And there's the mysteries of the Gatorist.
Starting point is 00:37:59 Well, not to me. I studied it. I know. I know. But tea. Tea. I'm sorry. But for me, it's like, you know, you know how when you go into the Mariana trenches?
Starting point is 00:38:11 You go real deep. Oh, yeah. And you see those illuminating fishes. I'm sorry, before you go any further, because I know what you meant by what you just said, they don't. I know they don't. If you could tell them what the Mariana trench is to set the table. because they don't.
Starting point is 00:38:27 Your viewers. Down. The Dementoids watching from the shadows of the night. Beaddy glistening koala eyes. The Netherworld. Is what you're saying? And ball, the demon. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:40 Yeah, yeah. Good sound effect. Thank you. Are you Pablo Francisco? Yeah. Say that thing again, what you just said? Okay, so could you tell them? Because they don't know what the Marianna French is.
Starting point is 00:38:50 But here's the miracle. Here's the miracle. I don't know. Okay. Tell me to tell you. Yes, tell me. Yeah. So the Mariana Trench
Starting point is 00:38:57 The Mariana Trench is the deepest place on earth Where you can go and get spaghetti sauce on your meatballs And the Marinera Trent What That's sounds accurate If you're gonna ask shit and then just That's not what I meant I know that restaurant, it's really good
Starting point is 00:39:15 Okay Yeah yeah yeah Maria's Trench is very good Okay Yeah yeah yeah but I was talking about the Mariana Trench Yeah yeah the ocean's the deepest part of the ocean Right And there's like this illuminating you know what I mean, the fish down there's squid
Starting point is 00:39:27 and there's fish that are luminous and to me the clitoris scares me in that way. It's a mystery. Yes, you have one. Professor, I have a question about the the clitoris, clitoris. They always do. Why?
Starting point is 00:39:41 Hello. Why don't men know where it is? Good question. That's a philosophical question. Good question. That's a question that Descartes would ask. Who? Descartes.
Starting point is 00:39:54 Is that French for shopping cart? Yes. Here's why. Why can't they ever find it? Are you a dog person? I am. Picture one of the most awkward breeds in the whole lineage of Dash Hoont. Okay, yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:21 What would you say is one of the most awkward breeds of Daesh Hoon? Yeah. Is that how you pronounce it, doctor? Yeah, that's how... Da schund. Yeah, yeah. Daschund. Daschund. That's the German subsequent of the refraction of the militwint.
Starting point is 00:40:41 Now, what would you say is one of the most awkward breeds? And I'm trying to, you know, draw a parallel here. So the lay person could understand? I'm with you. Awkward-looking dog that I've ever seen, but I think they're really cute. Are the Mexican hairless dogs? Can you bring that up? Gilbert?
Starting point is 00:40:59 Interesting. The exact opposite of what you were trying to do. Because hairless represents complete visual freedom. You can see everything with a hairless. So with that breed, it almost is a clit. I see. I see. It's almost a frisbee catching clip.
Starting point is 00:41:19 What we'd like to do is find the hairiest dog. Well, you're sort of in it. But with this one, that's a paw shaking clit right there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's go to the Dachund. You want to go Dachund? Where would you let you go? It's not harriest.
Starting point is 00:41:36 I'm talking about one of the most awkward. Think about the anatomy of, as the French say, le clout. Yeah, yeah, le clout. Okay, that's... Are we working here or what? That's interesting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not what I'm looking for.
Starting point is 00:41:55 What would you call that? clit. Oh, oh, this one? Yeah. Uh, yeah, this is probably, yeah, that's like hippie clit for sure. That's hippie clit for sure.
Starting point is 00:42:08 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can we find something in our generation or in the 2000s, please? Such as Beethoven. Oh, here we go. Oh. Yeah, that's, we're going farther back. You're a little closer. Yeah, this is Genghis.
Starting point is 00:42:20 It's, it's Genghis Khan Clit. It starts with S.H. I mean, if you want to play this. Yeah, let's go. Let's go. Let's forget the dog references. I think we're losing. No, I can tell you.
Starting point is 00:42:30 The Sharpay. Can we bring up the Sharpay? Let's go to the Charpe. I love a Sharpay, but, okay, never mind. Please don't question the doctor. Take a look at the Sharpay. And, oh, that's a Sharpie. Okay, is that the Sharpay? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:42:45 Yes, if we could see a full body shot. Full body shot, please. A full body shot of a Sharpay. Yeah, yeah. I've got to fire my... Sorry, is that a Sharpay? Yeah, that's not the best specimen. But if you look at the...
Starting point is 00:42:57 Get me a better specimen. Extreme sharp pace. Give me an extreme sharpet. They're crawling with flaps. There we go. Oh, there we go. Here we go. Now, try and find a clit on that hor, on that puppy.
Starting point is 00:43:09 On that whore? On that whore. And this is the mystery. This is the mystery of the vulva. I get it. I get it now. There are so many, that's like a can of pringles that's filled out in the back of a John Deer truck. Yeah, I fully understand now.
Starting point is 00:43:27 Yeah, I fully understand now. Look. There he goes. Yes. And that's the easiest way I can put it. I mean, just try. It's like an endless ocean of flaps. A flaps and ridges.
Starting point is 00:43:38 And where do we go? Where do we look? Where do we look? Yeah, yeah, where do we look? Good luck. Yeah, good luck. I don't even know if I'm looking at his asshole now or his face. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:43:49 Wow. Yeah. So I hope that clears that up. This is what men see. Yeah. It's what men see. But specifically, you know, what is the
Starting point is 00:44:00 role of the clitoris? Shopify. Shopify. Shopify. Shopify. You know, we have an online business. We use Shopify. Do you know why?
Starting point is 00:44:17 Starting something is hard. Yeah. Is it not? Totally. Yeah, yeah. Like, you know, I try to make my own sock once. And you try to sell it. I try to sell my own sock.
Starting point is 00:44:27 Oh, so you're very difficult, right? Yeah. Right? And it's like starting your own business, right, is hard. Is it not? It is. And when I was doing the sock, Rob was like,
Starting point is 00:44:36 I wish someone could help me. There was nothing like it. No one could help me, right? So I finished. And now it's just a toe. You finished in the sock? No, just a toe sock, right? But my point is, is that if you're starting an online business,
Starting point is 00:44:46 Shopify will help you. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e-commerce in the U.S. from household names like... Skims. Allbirds. Tiger Belly. To brands just getting started as well.
Starting point is 00:45:01 Like your sock business. What was it called? Sox. Sok it to me. Yeah, yeah. That's a real one. Oh, really? Yeah, sock it's a...
Starting point is 00:45:07 My one just called a sock. But you started with your own designs to you. With hundreds of ready-to-use templates, Shopify helps you build a beautiful online store that matches your brand style. Accelerate your efficiency, whether you're uploading new products or trying to improve existing ones. Shopify is packed with helpful AI tools that write product descriptions, page headlines, and even enhance your product photography. Best yet, Shopify is your commerce expert with world class. expertise and everything from managing inventory to international shipping to processing returns and beyond.
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Starting point is 00:46:18 Shopify.com.com slash Tiger Belly. Go to Shopify.com slash Tiger Belly. of the clitoris? The role of the clitoris, it's sort of the miniaturized man penis. It's there to create stimuli. It's there to create sexual arousal. It's there for the woman to have a pleasure center during coitus.
Starting point is 00:46:50 Oh, is that a season or a ritual? It's a season. It's a season. It's that two-week window when springs just turning into winter. Yes, I've heard of it. Yeah. I wear a funny hat that two weeks, right?
Starting point is 00:47:02 do the dance. It's almost fall, but it's not quite... We've been to the festival. Yeah, the Coitus Festival. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's one of 40 miles of Alahambra. There's a beautiful Coitus Festival. By the way...
Starting point is 00:47:13 We wear the dresses. We wear the... The white hats. Yeah. And we do the dance? The Coitus... Let's do the Coitus. Let's do the Coitus dance.
Starting point is 00:47:19 Here we go. I don't know if you remember, but yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, but that was it. That's pretty much it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:47:35 But if you go to the Coitus Festival, it's beautiful. Well, also, I mentioned earlier. I don't know why you and I are the only one people there. But, you know. Who cares? Yeah, yeah, who cares? We do things our way. But I might add that I mentioned earlier I walked sideways like a horseshoe crab
Starting point is 00:47:53 after the European Wax Center earlier. Yes. The Coitus Festival, I walked in a zigzag for four weeks. Because that's intense. Sorry, what was your question? No, that was a question. My question was, my question was, I think you answered it perfectly.
Starting point is 00:48:11 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The pleasure center. It's a pleasure center for women. Yeah, go pee. I'm going to find the clitoris center. Whoa. Whoa. Okay, wrong timing.
Starting point is 00:48:22 He literally had to write to me, I got a pee. And I wrote back, go pee. That's code for loaf. You know that. I know that. Yeah. Like, anyone could hold a pee. Oh.
Starting point is 00:48:34 Like, you could be a, comfortable in hold the pee, but when you're holding a loaf, no, he's... Also, and people don't know this, so he has a major in the anal, anus. Enous. Yeah, I mean, he has a minor in clitoris. Yeah. Right? But he also, before, you wanted to be a zoologist, because you talk about animals all the time.
Starting point is 00:48:55 Ecthology, the study of fish. Yeah, yeah. Zoologist, marine biologist. Yeah, yeah. He loves Kareem biology. Yeah, anything? And it involves Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. And he's involved as well.
Starting point is 00:49:08 That's what they call it, Kareem, you know. But anyway, I'm happy. Happy to answer questions. I'm happy to be here. Yeah, yeah. So he was a zoologist, and if people don't know this, but Dr. Williams, may I call you that? Professor.
Starting point is 00:49:21 Professor Williams, yeah. Has discovered six species. Oh. Yeah, two in the ocean, two on land, one in the air, and one in the air. and one in the unknown. Would you like to talk about all of them or the only specific one?
Starting point is 00:49:36 If you want to pick, you pick the category, I'm open to talking to all or one or three, whatever you want. Yeah, yeah, well, what is the rarest sea animal that you discovered that was in the ocean
Starting point is 00:49:46 and what part of the ocean and the description of this animal, please. Okay, so there's a subspecies of the anglerfish. Are you familiar with the angler fish? You're familiar with it? We just said we loved it. But I have a feeling you're Pee-Ping me
Starting point is 00:50:01 patronizing the professor. Pull up an anglerfish, please? Wait, wait, don't pull it up. Don't pull it up. Why don't you tell us what it looks like. Oh, and tell, Bobby. Larry, Larry Lullaby eyes. And Bobby, tell us.
Starting point is 00:50:13 Yeah. And Anglerfish has antennas that go big. Okay, and tell us what happens with a male and the female. What? There's something very specific that happens. Wait, those angle, those things, right? Okay.
Starting point is 00:50:25 Are their eyeballs? Oh, no. Yeah. Doctor? It's not their eyeballs. It's their anus? It's their light bulb. It's their light bulb.
Starting point is 00:50:32 But do they not have a thing? One thing. One. Coming out, right? And it's got a light at the end of it, right? But I don't know how they fuck. The angler fish we're familiar with, but you discovered a... Different species.
Starting point is 00:50:44 Yes, this is called... And it blends into my other research. It's the annual fish. And what it does, it... The angler fish has a precipice that comes out. Yes. And it uses it as a fishing lure. It angles.
Starting point is 00:51:02 It's tricky. Well, it tricks fish. And they're really deep. They're deep. They're really deep down in that thing. But why is it different than the angler? Because this one, instead of coming out of its forehead, it has a extension coming out of its a nyos. I see.
Starting point is 00:51:21 Yeah. And another bulb. Yeah, it has a lure. And instead of eating fish on the front end, this one lures fish in and it shits in their faces. Why? I don't know. That's mother,
Starting point is 00:51:35 what am I mother nature? I know, but you're the one that. I just study it. I know, but that's all you gathered from all your, well, some animals are just, they're about vengeance,
Starting point is 00:51:45 like the hyena and the African lion. Yes. They have a very antagonistic relationship where the lion who is an apex predator will kill a hyena but not eat it.
Starting point is 00:51:59 He will just kill it because it's competition. It's competition. So the an angular fish, it's in a very, very limited space where there's very limited food way down in the depth. But there's a lot of, no one's around, though. There's other fish, but it doesn't need the competition. So it lowers the man, shits in their faces, off they go. But my argument would be, my argument would be, if you go that deep into the ocean, literally fish will, but you probably go through a day
Starting point is 00:52:29 without even seeing another fish. Right. There's a lot of space. Right. Why would it shit in his own face? Or shit in somebody else's face. Because it doesn't want the competition. There's not a lot of competition down there.
Starting point is 00:52:40 But anything's competition down there. Oh. Yeah. I see. Let's talk about the air animal that you discovered. Oh, the air animal. What's it called again? Well, it's a subspecy of the osprey.
Starting point is 00:52:57 What is an offspring? I love Osprey. Tell me what an offspring is. Well, they're very, very... Describe them. They're seabirds. They're raptors, they're flying predators with very elongated talons.
Starting point is 00:53:10 Yes. And they're diving prey birds. They dive into, they smash themselves into the water and pull up fish. Yes. And there's a subspecies... Kind of like a shoe bill, right?
Starting point is 00:53:24 Pardon you? Like a shoe bill? A shoe bill. No, that's a completely different A shoe bill is more of a beach land wandering bird With a shoe It looks like a horse
Starting point is 00:53:37 You don't have to answer Boom, it's a question right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah There's your awe spray. Boom Boom, yeah, yeah So this is a very specialized way of hunting That most birds can't do this It's incredible
Starting point is 00:53:53 And their success rate is great and they sort of have the market on fish. Yeah, so pushpals. And so what happened is there's a subspecies called the bugle crow. Yes. And basically these crows have adapted and evolved. They go to 7-Eleven dumpsters.
Starting point is 00:54:15 Oh. They pull out bugles, put them on their feet, and now they've got the talons of a osprey, and wham! They're going in and this is... Boy, oh boy. It's like you're mocking me. And you worry...
Starting point is 00:54:34 It makes perfect. Well, they just want to eat, Guy. I know, guy, but... Guy. They go to the dumpster and they... Every finger. Yeah, on every claw. They put a bugle.
Starting point is 00:54:46 Yeah. And now they got bigger talons than a uspre. They're not missing. What's a bugle? The one with the... Pull up bugle for God's sake. Like nails up with the triangular point. Pointed...
Starting point is 00:54:57 The chips. The chips. Pull up the bugle. Not the bag, the actual thing. Show the bugle. I mean the bugles on the airport before. Yeah. Show the bugle.
Starting point is 00:55:07 Oh, that's what you? Show the bugle. My argument. Yeah. Yeah. Show the bugle. All right. But here's my argument against that.
Starting point is 00:55:14 Show the bugle. Okay. Yeah. My argument against that, I'm sorry for being... No worries. Yeah, yeah. Is that wouldn't the bugle just snap when it, you know, it goes into the wall?
Starting point is 00:55:26 First of the... First of all, does it go into the water? I don't. And you thought I was lying. I got you, professor. Does it go into the water? Yes. Doesn't the bugle get wet?
Starting point is 00:55:39 And it just becomes like, I mean, too moist for the talons to go into the skin of the fish? Have you ever punched a fish? No, I've never had. Okay, they're not brick. They're meat. They're soft. I understand that.
Starting point is 00:55:52 You go in at 70 miles an hour with 10 bugles. You're going through a two-in-law and golly part and goes through a lemon meringue pie on a Friday night, and she's already got diarrhea. Is this flavor account? What do you mean? The bugle flavors. You could have ranch, you could have sour cream and onion. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's how you like your fish seasoned.
Starting point is 00:56:15 Oh, I see. They pre-season it with the claws. Well, yeah, if you've got a sour cream and a little bugle. Wow, that's so brilliant. And you penetrate that soft flesh of a fish. It's like eating sour cream. It's going to permeate throughout the fish. You're going to have a nice onion.
Starting point is 00:56:29 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or barbecue flavor. Salmon or whatever. Black and catfish. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's really brilliant. I did not know of that. Well, this is Mother Nature.
Starting point is 00:56:39 How did you discover it? You were at a 7-Eleven? No, I studied. Oh, you studied. I'm not a bit of drive, for God's sake. Yeah. Next to the 7-Eleven. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:49 This last animal I would like to talk about is... Yeah. We did air and we did water. Should we do land and other? Land, sure. By other, I really, I love that. I've been reading that book that you write. The land.
Starting point is 00:57:04 Let's talk about the land animal. What? It was an hour. I know, but people wanted to learn. People love to learn. Dude, this is like a diary of CEO. They want to learn about things. Right, Klaela?
Starting point is 00:57:19 Yeah, no, I'm locked in. Yeah, yeah. You are? Dude, I've learned so much. I didn't lose you a clit. No, right? What do we learn today so far? Anus.
Starting point is 00:57:29 Oh, I can give you a whole... You can test me. You can test me on anything and I remembered every single detail. Yeah, the black crow. The double angler. It's called a bugle crow. Yeah, but you go, the angle, the double angles.
Starting point is 00:57:41 There he is right there. In the water. They don't fucking disintegrate. Wow. Yeah. You have the photo to prove it. Thank you so much. And that's a testament to the food we eat today and put in our body.
Starting point is 00:57:53 Because it's full of chemicals. Yeah. Yeah. That's a testament to how... Yeah. Not a good thing. Well, not to you. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:01 But for the Black Crow, brilliant. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Interesting. And so we've learned a lot. So what do we learn today with the Enous, the Kletori? Uh-huh. What else would we learn?
Starting point is 00:58:10 Do we do the Anu angler fish in the Marianas trend? Yes. Right? Yes. Which is also a restaurant. Yeah. It is? Yeah, but the spaghetti.
Starting point is 00:58:20 I didn't know that. Yeah, yeah. The sauce. Oh, oh, oh. I thought you meant like in real life. Sorry. Yeah, in real life. I thought that the restaurant was a marinera trench, not the marianist trench.
Starting point is 00:58:33 That's right. Well, sometimes I pronounce, like, you know, I say panona bread. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So anyway. By the way, Panera bread, have you ever gotten their soup bowls that are made out of bread? Oh, yes. I went about a week ago.
Starting point is 00:58:48 I got one of these soup bowls with the cream of chicken wild rice. Was it wild, though? It was wild. Okay, good. And they don't put it in a ceramic bowl. They put it in bread. And it's somewhere between a bowling ball and a softball. It's like right in the middle.
Starting point is 00:59:07 And I'm driving down a Ventura Boulevard the other day. I got one hand on the, you know, that, the Dodge Neon steering wheel. And I got a bread bowl in the other hand. And I see a kid walking his dog. And this kid had braces and zits. And I know that bothers you. It bothers me. I just, I wanted to eat this soup,
Starting point is 00:59:27 and I just threw it out the window. Hit the kid in the head. Yeah. And kind of the perfect size with the soup, it lubed it, and he had a bread helmet on. And there's no visor in it, and he walked right into a wall and got killed. Oh.
Starting point is 00:59:42 And all that for $4.97. Wow. So you don't need to buy a gun these days. Just go get a Panera, a bread bowl. Have fun with soup. Yeah, have fun for soup. Can we go to Land Animal? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:59:55 So you were in, what country were you in? Cambodia. Yeah. Were you not? I've been to Cambodia twice. No, but this land animal that you discovered, was it Cambodia of Vietnam? Was it? It was Cambodia.
Starting point is 01:00:06 On the border, I think, right? It was on the border. Yes. And it was on the border of Vietnam and Cambodia. Yes. Which is a tough area. Have you ever been down there? Oh, that's where I party.
Starting point is 01:00:19 Talk to me. Yeah. There's a rave there once a year. It's kind of like the, there's a canoe event. What's it called? What? Canura event. Canura?
Starting point is 01:00:30 Yeah, Asia. What's the thing called? What is it? I don't know. The Coitus Festival. The Coitus Festival. Yeah, yeah. Let me get that again.
Starting point is 01:00:37 The Canora is? Is it a Coitus Festival? Oh, yeah. There's a Coitus Festival there. Oh, why haven't we gone? Well, I didn't, because you always want me to buy your ticket. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:00:48 So there's a Coitus Festival there. And, yeah, so I've been on the border there. Okay. They love, love it. They love, love. Two weeks in the jungles of Vietnam, Cambodia, to the Quitus Festival. Love. And, you know, we can.
Starting point is 01:01:01 Yeah, do the. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Wow. Wow. Yeah. What's up? Oh, she'd ask me a question.
Starting point is 01:01:20 What was the question? I didn't ask a question. What was the question? I literally didn't ask a question. What was my question, Hyattman? The question you just asked me. Did he just, did I mean? That's hyma scribble.
Starting point is 01:01:32 Hey, my notes. Okay. Hey, I'm not cheating. All right. Okay. I'm sorry, doctor. No. It's a brain teaser.
Starting point is 01:01:39 Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a what? It's a brain teaser. Oh, I see. So, I'm sorry, Professor. No worry. You weren't at the festival, but you were in, why were you in the Vietnam, Cambodia border? We were searching.
Starting point is 01:01:51 Who's we? Well, me and my friends. Okay. Up here. Okay. We were searching. for a subspecies of the American horny toad. Have you heard of these lizards?
Starting point is 01:02:10 I've heard of the horned. Yeah, not familiar though. Yeah. The horny toad. And that's the Codas Festival that we go to. Yeah. There it is. There it is.
Starting point is 01:02:19 Oh, the memory. Oh, the memories at that festival. Wow. We had a fucking good time. Oh, there's a 2020. Has it happened yet? Has it? Has it happened yet?
Starting point is 01:02:28 2026. It already happened. We missed it. We missed it. We missed it this year. Oh, that's unfortunate. But you know what? Next week, Coituscella is happening.
Starting point is 01:02:39 Oh, really? Who's playing? A couple of... Let's go to the other animal. Yeah. The subspecies... We're still going with the... Of the horny toe.
Starting point is 01:02:52 Oh, we're still going to go there. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What was that? does sound the horny toad makes Lucera? Oh Briv it
Starting point is 01:03:04 Yeah It Maybe Right Yeah Is it? Yeah I've never seen it
Starting point is 01:03:13 Yeah Well, I just did it Nice job guy Thank you So having him Having him spend the net a couple of nights You've taught him some things Maybe
Starting point is 01:03:25 Maybe But the horny toad, I don't know if you know this about the horny toad. You probably know this, Kalila. I only know about the horn toad because I picked one up where I've met a couple on my hikes in the desert. And did you know what their defense mechanism is? We call them the period lizards. Okay. They shoot blood out of their eyes.
Starting point is 01:03:51 As a defense mechanism, they literally shoot blood. directly streams of blood. That doesn't seem right. It doesn't. I've never heard of it. The period lizard. Honestly, go Google that to see if that is true. About the horn toad?
Starting point is 01:04:04 About the hornetode or the period lizard. The horny toad. The horny toad's defense mechanism, it shoots blood out of their eyes. I've never heard of that before. Yeah. Can you really Google it? Don't chat you mean, don't make it up. The way a skunk shoots ass off out of its ass out of its ass.
Starting point is 01:04:18 Yeah. You're absolutely correct. You're absolutely correct. Yeah. It shoots blood. Yeah. And what kind of blood is it? Well, we call them, adoringly, we call them the period lizard.
Starting point is 01:04:31 Yeah, but how do you know it's that blood? Well, they can only defend themselves once a month. I see. That's why you call it. Yeah. So that's what a horny toe does. Yeah. And you discovered in the borders of Vietnam and Cambodia what...
Starting point is 01:04:48 We discovered a subspecies called the Tampex lizard. and we brought the two together, and they're almost inseparable. Once a month they get together and they do a mating dance, and the horny toad squirts blood onto the Tampex lizard, and it's one of these symbiotic nature relationships. It's like how the remora fish sticks to the side of a shark. I like Ramora. Rora fish will stick to it, or the cleaner fish that go into the mouth of the barracuda.
Starting point is 01:05:23 the horny toad will squirt his blood squirt his blood on the tampon lizard and it's like you think about God and how he think about God all the symbiotic relationships between nature and all its creatures and so this is something me and my team were able to bring together you did ask. That's so interesting. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:05:45 Like certain birds will land on a mammal to pick off like little insects and stuff like then. They have a symbiotic relationship. Yes, that's called. called the oxpecker. Yeah, the oxpecker, yes. It will land on a wildebeest, or it will land on a Cape Buffalo or a giraffe, and it will pick blood-filled ticks off the mammal, said mammal, and in essence, AIDS with their health.
Starting point is 01:06:13 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, there we go. Yeah, an oxpeck, yeah, pecker, yeah. Is there a shot of the Tampex lizard, though? It is a new species. It is a new... Well, you discovered it... It might not be there yet.
Starting point is 01:06:26 So, I mean, I don't know. It might not be there yet. It might not be... But let's start. Let's talk to start out. We haven't released the... The last thing that we needed to talk about is that this is the most important one about you mean, you said you discovered a species. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:06:39 Not land, not air, not water, right? And you said other. This is tough. Yeah, this is a tough one. So it could be inter in a dimensional. It also can be a space thing. But how did you even discover it? Okay, this is a toughie, but...
Starting point is 01:06:56 Where were you? Out in outer space? No, I didn't say it was outer space. It does lean into what you're saying, but let's use the word mythical. Okay? Okay, well, that would still imply... There's a lot of ambiguity around it.
Starting point is 01:07:11 I understand that. That would still apply that he was in land, water, or air. Even when you say mythical... Mythical means... Because in Lord of the Rings... Yes, but in... We live in the real world, the Loch Ness monster is mythical. The chupacabra is, there it is.
Starting point is 01:07:28 Oh, my God. Oh, my God, there it is. I didn't realize, okay, that's been leaked. Oh, my God. Yeah, you took that photo. I remember you taking that photo. I was a little mad. Yeah, you texted me that photo.
Starting point is 01:07:49 I wasn't, I haven't released my papers on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, wow. But anyway, the proof is in the period. Yeah, yeah. That's funny. Yeah, yeah. Okay, so, boy, that picture, he's really cramped in there, isn't he? Yeah, it's very good.
Starting point is 01:08:06 Yeah, it's a bloody good picture. He's really cramped in there. That's all I'm going to say about a period. I also, if you could, because I know that Professor Williams, I know Professor Williams, right, took a photo of when, when, when, the two lizards met and the spraying effect. Oh boy. Oh boy. You're making my mouth water. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What a day that was. We'll give you a second on that one.
Starting point is 01:08:30 Oh, Google it. Oh, people. You'll do that with your research team while we talk about the other mythical. Okay, so here we go. Okay, so this is a toughie to talk about. Maybe some people don't believe it. I still don't believe it. But our research, it was in a mountainous area of, believe it or not. Not too far from here.
Starting point is 01:08:52 Where? Glendale, California. Wow. Really. Literally 10 minutes from here. Stay with me. Literally 10 minutes from here. 10, 20 minutes from here.
Starting point is 01:09:02 If there's traffic. Incredible. 20 minutes. And this is the beauty of mythical creatures. You don't know when, how, or where they're going to show up if they even exist. Okay. And the nearest parallel I can give to this is Yeti, Bigfoot, South. Sosquioch.
Starting point is 01:09:23 We've all heard of them. I have you heard of Sousquioach? Yeti. The Bonnable Snowman, Bigfoot. Oh, yes, I have. South Squillach. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've heard of them.
Starting point is 01:09:33 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you heard of Salswiczwet? What about you? Gumbble bump, fimbledy dump, flumber dump, the dimble dump. Have you heard of Sizwak? No, I've heard of Svukuk. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, you're in the wheelhouse.
Starting point is 01:09:49 You're in the wheelhouse. Very good. So this was almost one of these fluke discoveries. I was actually driving through. Oh, there it is. Yeah. Yeah. That's the photo.
Starting point is 01:10:00 It snuck up right behind it. Wow. Interesting. Wow. Are we doing? Are you mad? I'm sort of pressing. That's my research.
Starting point is 01:10:15 That's because of me that that research exists. Oh my God. It's so funny. It's. bloody good. Can you have these as pets? You're a really good research team. What's that? Can you have these as pets?
Starting point is 01:10:31 You can, I can. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. I love it. Apex. Well, now, that's a frog on frog crime. So here we go. Glendale.
Starting point is 01:10:51 Yeah, Glendale. and wherever there's mountains and let's be honest you look out the window. We've been honest this whole time. I know but I'm just think because a lot of your viewers Kalala have never been to Glendale they don't realize the vast
Starting point is 01:11:06 amount of mountain range that's behind that city. There's a lot of mountains there. It's huge. Burbank it's the Sierra Nevada's as far as I can you check? Is it the Sierra? It isn't? No. What is the mountain range there? It's not It's Angela's crest.
Starting point is 01:11:23 Can we check on that? The mountain range behind up in Glendale running north towards Cher's house? Cher does live there, huh? The Verdugo Mountains? No, Verdugo Mountains. Not the Sierra Nevada?
Starting point is 01:11:42 That's further up. Okay. Well, you're not a topographer. Why would you know? Well, I'm wearing a talk right now. Doctor, your video footage released. Oh. Wow.
Starting point is 01:11:52 There it is. Wow. Yeah. There. There. Yeah. Sorry. And again, you'll only see this once a month, so this is rare.
Starting point is 01:12:02 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This is crazy. This is crazy. And you should, this is why they live in Kevin, because it's arid. You get one of those Tampex lizards in the rain, and it just swells off.
Starting point is 01:12:20 It's unbelievable. They can hardly. moved. Didn't you take a video of the black crow with the pugles? No. Didn't you do that? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, find that. It's really easy to find that video. So, anyway, yes. So the other, we're talking. The other,
Starting point is 01:12:35 the mystical one. There's a mountain range. We don't know what it is. Mountain range. So I'm always on the search to debunk these mythical Christians. Who doesn't want to know the answer to Bigfoot, Yeti, Sousquia. I never wanted to know. You didn't? No. Okay. Did you want to know that?
Starting point is 01:12:51 the show. Let's wrap up the show he doesn't want. No, I'm kidding. Yeah, yeah. Why don't you want to know about Bigfoot? I'll be honest, Professor. I don't really, I've never really believed in that specific mythology. Okay. I believe the Chupacabra. Okay. Yeah, I believe in the Loch Nogneous monster. Okay. I believe in, uh, you know, there's that weird, um, Filipino myth of that man in the tree smoking a cigar. Oh, yeah, that's the Agta. What? Agta. Akta? No, there's also another word. Isn't there, isn't there a man? Isn't there a in a tree smoking a cigarette. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:13:26 We call those homeless in my name. Do you believe that children are the future? And I believe they're in the past as well. Okay. Okay. So here I am in the hills, the mountains of Glendale. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:13:42 And I'm looking to debunk the myth of the legendary South Squioch. I'm walking along. It's sunset. Yeah. I haven't succeeded. I'm driving home through the windy forest road. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:14:00 I see silhouetted in the setting sun. Yeah. A tall, probably the hairiest humanoid shape I've ever seen. How tall? I can't tell because of the sun, the refraction of the light. Yeah. My eyes don't party on Fun Fun Street. But if you were to guess.
Starting point is 01:14:20 I'd say six and a half feet. maybe 12. Oh, so let's go nine. It was big. Nine feet. Big. Humanoid shape. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:14:30 I got so excited. Yeah. I lost control of the Dodge Neon. Yeah, yeah. And it was also, I had, can I ask you something? I had Kentucky fried chicken on the passenger seat. It could have been the grease. But I was excited.
Starting point is 01:14:45 Okay, so what happened next? So I'm swerving all over. Yeah. I hit it. Whoa. Okay? Yeah. Could be a mythical, could be the answer, the missing link.
Starting point is 01:14:57 Yeah. Suddenly we find out about Sousquayat. I jump out of the Dodge Neon. Yes. I rush to the side of the road. Yeah. I'm cradling this hairy, hairy thing. It's almost like Shirley Temple, Kenny G. and Cher having an orgy in my arms.
Starting point is 01:15:14 And I'm cradling this thing, and it's eyes are shot. And I'm like... Was eyes are shot? Shot. By what? I think I killed it. Wait, wait, wait. And I'm like, you hit it with a car and then shut it with the eyes?
Starting point is 01:15:26 And then you shot it with the eyes with your gun. No, it's laying on the ground. I hit it. It landed on the road. Yeah, but you said his eyes were shot. Shot. Closed. Oh, shut.
Starting point is 01:15:36 Oh, I thought you took it. As in shut up and let me tell the story. All right, all right. They were shut. So they were shot. And I'm laying there cradling this behemoth, this hairy beast. Yes. And I'm petting his forehead of his hairy face.
Starting point is 01:15:52 And I'm like, please, don't die, Souskwiats. Don't die. And finally his eyes flutter open and he looked at me right in the face. He said, I'm Armenian. And I just drove away because there's a lot of that. There's a lot. Glendale. They play chess, the park.
Starting point is 01:16:13 They're all over Glendale. Yeah, yeah. So. Yeah. So anyway, they came close. Yeah, but that's not really a species of discovery. I came close. Okay, I'm still looking.
Starting point is 01:16:23 Yeah, you're still looking. Yeah, I've hit many Armenians. Yeah. No, I have. You make the mistake. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm glad he didn't die.
Starting point is 01:16:31 Do you die? No, he did not die. No, the hair protected him, cushioned him like bubble racks. And now he works at a barbershop. Yeah. But anyways, I feel like we got to most of the stories and sort of got on the edge of. I didn't know you could learn so much from DeVry.
Starting point is 01:16:47 Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. It never stopped. It never stops. I mean, one of the things you could become a master of or, you know what I mean, in DeVry at the DeVry? Welding. Welding?
Starting point is 01:16:57 Yeah, yeah. Bowling. What is it? Bowling. Bowling is a sport, my guy. The history. Yeah, they don't really teach that at DeVry. You might want to go to like, I don't know,
Starting point is 01:17:12 like Melvin's Nut Farm or something. I don't know. No, Melvin's Nut Farm. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. What are some other? At DeVry?
Starting point is 01:17:22 At DeVry, welding, woodwork. Yeah, woodwork, machine shop. I hear you got the crow bugle video. Oh, you got it. Oh, you got it. We found a fish. Yeah, awesome. Oh, wow.
Starting point is 01:17:34 Look at that. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.
Starting point is 01:17:40 That's a slow-mo, guys. Yeah. Damn. Very feminine. Yeah. Yeah. That fish is not in a hurry. I'll tell you.
Starting point is 01:17:54 I'll tell you. swims on top of the water. Yeah. That's science. That's science for you. Yeah. Thank you, DeVry. Yeah, thank you, DeVry.
Starting point is 01:18:07 So if you ever, don't go to Harvard, you mean, don't go to Berkeley. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, do you have anything to promote? How are you doing Harlan? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. How are you, Harlan?
Starting point is 01:18:22 Good. Real good. With Harland, you know what I mean, we don't do that. What? A normal, like, you know what I mean? What are you up to? I don't do that with this guy. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 01:18:34 Because we're on a different level. Yeah. You know what I mean? We go to the festivals together. We understand a different. What do you mean? You don't? Now I'm feeling a little neglected, maybe.
Starting point is 01:18:47 I'm feeling a little, that sort of was a bit of a slight. I don't think it was a slight. I don't think that you and I waste our times with small talk. I know, but I feel. like you're disinterested in my journey now after that little side comment. I know much about your comment. Yeah, yeah, it wasn't a side comment. We had chuckles, we had laughs.
Starting point is 01:19:03 We had chuckles and laughs. I don't think that we're in a relationship where it's like you're a new person. We're out to go, where are you from? Well, where's he from? Canada. Where? I don't know. Vancouver. Edmond, you're the one. Am I close? It's all right. Canada's Canada's
Starting point is 01:19:20 Canada. Second largest country in the world. I'm somewhere in the middle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, got it. Been to your house many times? Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:19:30 I did your movie many, many years ago where I played a kangaroo. Kangaroo Hans O'Reilly. Yeah, yeah, that's why Kangaroo Hans-O-Reilly. And that was, what, 20 years ago? Yeah. Yeah, in the desert. Yeah. And then you showed me property.
Starting point is 01:19:45 I own that little property in the middle of the Denver. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you remember that? Yeah. Yeah, so it's like, I don't think that we need to do this whole, like, where you're from. I think you're right. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:19:55 Yeah. I know, I've known you for a very long time. But do you really know me? No, it's impossible too. Does that hurt? Does that hurt you? Yeah. I know some things about Harlan.
Starting point is 01:20:08 No, but what I'm saying is that he has an exterior, right? That's goofball. And it's a defense mechanism I have. Like when I'm at the comedy store, I play a character. You mean? But they don't know. So this is your way of shooting blood at me through your eyes? Is your defense mechanism?
Starting point is 01:20:28 It's a defense mechanism, yeah. Well, she knows about me. Tell me more. I know more about your matters of the heart. Like when you went to Germany, fell in love. Yeah. That whole, you know, saga of that relationship. Those are the things that stick.
Starting point is 01:20:43 Yeah, I remember that too. Yeah. Because you like, you like love. You like emotions. Mm-hmm. Bobby likes adventure. and Bobby's deep, but you never let me get too deep. What is this?
Starting point is 01:20:59 Adventure. There's our movie. And who am I? You're kangaroo Hans O'Reilly. I'm in the back, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Watch.
Starting point is 01:21:10 Turn it up. I pull you up. Is that garlic bread teeth? Yeah. Look at him. He was born with little. What you would do? If a bad breeze blowing away
Starting point is 01:21:35 Walk into it so I pass by My question Why'd you make me do an Asian accent? Because I was your character Good voice Oh, that's right Because in the movie I go I keep a little Chinese friend
Starting point is 01:21:50 Behind the back seat Ah, I say, I say And then I pull you up Yeah, yeah But I didn't know at that time To be honest That you weren't Chinese Honestly
Starting point is 01:21:59 Oh you didn't know It wasn't great We were like That was the beginning of our friendship. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's funny, I didn't even know him that well, and I went into the desert with a man I didn't know that well, which is a dumb, a dumb thing to do, I think. Yeah. How did he ask you? It's just, I just called you up. Yeah, you just called me up. But I was honored that you did it because you didn't know me that well, and he didn't even
Starting point is 01:22:22 read the script. He just said, I'll do it. And when you did that, you ingratiated your say, you're my friend for life. Yeah, yeah. Because that was, that was really generous to me. It was one of those incidents where I was just like, fuck, Harlan Williams has called me. And I go, and he's asked me to go in the middle of the desert. Because obviously, I was a huge fan. And I was like, yeah, it's like an obvious, yes. There's no. Oh, buddy.
Starting point is 01:22:47 I love you, buddy, dude. I love that. I'm not kidding. I mean, there's some people that would ask now. I probably say no. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Would you say no or yes?
Starting point is 01:22:55 It depends who it was. If you asked me to do something, I'd say, I know you would. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. But there are some people that I eat, I just wouldn't go to the desert with.
Starting point is 01:23:07 Yeah. Right? It was fun, though. It was, I remember the day. I remember going to your house. I looked at your property, and I remember shooting that scene. I remember we had sandwiches. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Subway. Subway. Yeah, subway. Yeah, subway sandwiches. And we talked about this last time. You fed yours to the ants. I did it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. You found a big ant hill, and you fed your subway to the end. Well, I think I like that animal. Yeah. It's one of my favorites.
Starting point is 01:23:34 You love ants? Anyway, did you have fun today? Yeah. You did? We learned so much. Did you learn a lot of Jaime? Yeah. I like ants.
Starting point is 01:23:45 You do? I like Aunt Hills. Yeah, yeah. I don't like them in my house. I like the cities they build. No. Yeah, yeah. But in your house, do you like them when you see a straight line?
Starting point is 01:23:55 I literally never kill an ant. Yeah, what do Mexicans do? What? Oh, ants in the house? Yeah. They usually cook. That's true, though. Remember?
Starting point is 01:24:08 Oh, they cook the ants. No, the ants cook the ants. Oh, they work for you. Yes. Oh, interesting. They look like little ants. And it's not really a line. Are you high?
Starting point is 01:24:19 No, it's not like really... No, what's going on with you right now? They don't form a line. It's a trail. It's not really a line. A line's like this. They do it like a little... What are you talking about?
Starting point is 01:24:30 There's a line. No, it's a trail. They're... What are they doing? A trail to their home. It's a trail tears? Or is it joy? Of joy, because they have food for the queen.
Starting point is 01:24:43 Ah, for the queen. Oh, you know the hierarchy. Yeah. Yeah. You ever seen the Ant Hill? You ever seen Ants? By Woody Allen? It's like a little trail of ants.
Starting point is 01:24:53 You had an anthill one time. You know what I'm talking about? My brother? Rarely. Rarely. Okay. Yeah. This guy.
Starting point is 01:25:02 I feel weird being in the middle of your aunt talk. I know, but do you, I know that movie. Yeah, yeah. I just feel like a third wheel. Yeah, yeah. I don't want to even, no, don't. It's a great talk. I just feel like I'm in the middle of it.
Starting point is 01:25:20 Yeah, yeah. I don't know. I don't know. I'm a little aunt awkward right now. Yeah, yeah, you're an awkward. Hey, honestly, speaking of Antarctica. Yeah. Why aren't we allowed to go there?
Starting point is 01:25:31 You are. I don't think you are. You are. You are. I'm allowed to take a flight to the middle of Antarctica. Go visit as a tourist. As a tourist.
Starting point is 01:25:41 I don't think that's right. Google it. I just did. Well, I think I know what you're talking about. I think there's a city there. There's this conspiracy theory. That's what I'm saying, yeah. Where they say that there's
Starting point is 01:25:53 a certain limit to how far you can go and to travel in it because it's so barren. You would never know if you're in the exact. spot, but they say, beyond a certain barrier, there's a myth that there's cities and worlds and creatures and stuff that we're not allowed to see.
Starting point is 01:26:10 Yeah, do you believe in this conspiracy? Well, it's sort of this thing where they say, does the world really end? Like, how much are they letting us know about where we live? It's the Truman theory. What's that? The Truman Show. Oh, because we've never really actually... Like, who's really been there?
Starting point is 01:26:27 Katie Perry. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh. She's been there. Well, what's what's what's This moon thing they just did? And they went all the way up there
Starting point is 01:26:36 And they didn't even land. Why wouldn't you land? That's like going to Disneyland and not going on the rides. No, it's not even worse. It's like just driving by Disneyland on the 405. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:26:49 Yeah, yeah. There it is. There it is. Well, it's the first of many because they're going to eventually set up a moon colony. A moon base? Yeah. Would you go?
Starting point is 01:26:58 Yeah. No, I'm too afraid of. I would, the G-Force of even any Disney ride, like, kills me, so I could never be a space person. Yeah. Could you? I mean, I don't think if you feel the G-Force when you're on the colony. Yeah, but coming back down, I'd have to come back down eventually. And the heat, did you not see that capsule burn?
Starting point is 01:27:19 You didn't see the return of integrity back into Earth? Yeah, I have integrity. You can watch it. I cried my eyes out. You did? Why? Why? Because it was so hot. I don't know.
Starting point is 01:27:28 There's a lot of weird things happening in the world. And sometimes when you see people go up in space and you see those shots of Earth and it kind of reminds you how like. What mankind can do if we work together? Yeah, it's just we're this, it's a reminder. There were just this rock and we're so small. And it made me emotional.
Starting point is 01:27:48 I take a different way. I think it shows humanity working together. You know, it's like that movie, deep impact. Yeah, it's your favorite. It's one of my favorite disaster movies. And there's, you know, I like having the black astronaut, you know what I mean? The Russian one, you know what I mean? Like, did you see Project Hell Mary?
Starting point is 01:28:12 I'm watching it tomorrow. Yeah, there's an Eastern European, a Japanese guy, and an American together. I like when they're like, you know what I mean. Oh, like the arrival. Yeah, where all of human race, you know what I mean? Working together to do something, you know what I mean, beyond ourselves. if we're good, right? But instead, you know what I mean?
Starting point is 01:28:32 We use it to kill. You can just see that at IHop, really. Oh, like at two of the more, at IOP. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like all the international just working to make breakfast. Oh, I see. Oh, the Belgian waffle. The flapjack.
Starting point is 01:28:50 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it. Sorry, I didn't mean to step on it, but I... Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love that you get emotional about it. Yeah. Because you look back, you see Earth from that perspective, and you realize it's all we've got, and all the turmoil and the hatred and the war,
Starting point is 01:29:07 and the borders and the divides, and you realize we're all just one. We are. And why do we go through with these stupid, endless, violent confrontations with each other? And we're all the same. We all have this one home, and we're fighting over nothing. Exactly. People die.
Starting point is 01:29:28 Yeah. That's exactly what we're saying. That can be emotional. I'm with you. That's emotional. And I think the only way we could unite as a world is if, and this is violent, but if an alien race attacks us. I think Project Hell Mary. I haven't seen it yet.
Starting point is 01:29:43 So, you know, standby. Really? You? I thought Project Mail Mary was the best movie I've seen in probably 10 years. No. In terms of perfection. Who'd you go with? What?
Starting point is 01:29:53 His girly. The girl that I'm saying. Okay. And I never saw it. the trailer. I never saw anything. I didn't know nothing about it. Nothing. I went to the theater. I go, everyone was telling me to watch
Starting point is 01:30:05 this. And we sat there. I cried three times. And at the end of it, I'll tell you why it was perfect. I mean, you know, we love Pulp Fiction. We love Tarantino movies. We love older Scorsese movies like mean, street, texture. There's some darkness to everything and an edge. I see early 70s cinema. That was a lot of
Starting point is 01:30:21 realism. You know what I mean? Right? But there, but I think Steven Spielberg introduced this kind of hope idea and this like kind of family friendly universal idea of just hope and unity and I think that Project Hail Mary is very E.T. like in that way. Oh, I see. You know what I mean? Of a feeling of like
Starting point is 01:30:41 anybody can watch this at any age regardless and walk out of the movie and go that was a really good film. I want to see it. You sold me. Yeah. And I think that I recommend people watch it before it goes to streaming, I think it's a theater movie. Theater for sure. It's a theater for...
Starting point is 01:31:02 Yeah, because IMAX. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll go this weekend, my guy. It really is that good. Out of ten, what are you giving it? A nine. What's a ten? Space movie-wise.
Starting point is 01:31:16 Space movie-wise? Oh, that's a really fucking good question. I'm with you. Arrival? For me, Arrival is a ten out of ten. Everything from the score to like the very end to the story about,
Starting point is 01:31:26 about the child. I'll give a rival at 10. There's so many. Who's in a rival? I don't remember. Amy, yeah, Amy Adams and Jeremy Renner. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:31:35 Fantastic. Yeah. And Keenan Ivory Wains, Jr. Yeah. And the music was by Dennis. Can I finish? I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 01:31:43 Got it. The music was by Kid Rock. It was? New Kid Rock. The new Kid Rock. The New Kid Rock. The New Kid Rock. All right?
Starting point is 01:31:53 Yeah. So who's this girl? Amy Adams She's good in the arrival Oh the one you went to the movie with She's a very imagination That's not of your business Why is she on Tinder?
Starting point is 01:32:07 No I met her in the wild Well I'd like to take her to a movie too When's in my turn to shine? Ah Oh Is she on Tinder or is she not? I'll find out what's her name? She's not?
Starting point is 01:32:26 What's her name? Montgomery. Montgomery what? Ward. What do you know? Montgomery what? Ward. Can we get that photo of the Sasquatch holding?
Starting point is 01:32:47 I thought you were looking that up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I think there's a police photography, you know what I mean? Photo over that. A camera photo of that. I think he found her. Are you out with her this weekend? Was this the photo with the Armenian guy?
Starting point is 01:33:04 There he is. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's the Nissan. Yeah, there's a Nissan. No, Dodge neon. Oh, yeah. Yeah, and that's not Harlem. Yeah, get specific.
Starting point is 01:33:15 Also, there was KFC and the passenger seat. Yeah, yeah, get specific. Can I see? Well, I like to take her to town. Let me see. Let me look. That's who she is. You want some?
Starting point is 01:33:29 Fanyans. She's a lot of fun? Yeah, she's a cool girl. I'm happy for you, guys. Harlan, what's this movie called Wingman? Oh, wow. Uh-oh. Uh-oh.
Starting point is 01:33:41 Is this going to be a sour spot for you? It already has been. Well, this is last time I was here, we had a fight about it. I let it go. I don't care. Okay. Well, this is my new movie. Called Wingman.
Starting point is 01:33:52 And can I say something, buddy? Because this is... Go ahead. This is the first time the train. for Wingman has been shown on a podcast. Yay. If you'll allow me to show it. Go ahead.
Starting point is 01:34:10 It's my new movie. It's coming out May 26. Yeah. Wingman. I wrote it. I directed it. Sure. I'm so excited to see it. And this is, can I say, here we go. Who's in it? It's two and a half minutes. Who's in it? Me?
Starting point is 01:34:28 Yeah. Jamie Kennedy. Yeah. Russell Peters Kayla Wallace from Landman Great cast Evan Marsh Anyway Um
Starting point is 01:34:37 Here it is Is Rock Snyder in it too Let's guy You're uh Wingman is now officially on the clock You can close Imagine on a Saturday night
Starting point is 01:34:52 How do I know it works There's an elephant Noah to jerk itself off with its own nose My name You're not actually considering this, are you? No! Turk Thompson, wingman. Okay, because like a wingman?
Starting point is 01:35:14 What, he's still in high school? Wingman. You don't get laid? I don't get paid. What have I got to lose? Ow! I need you to take these onion rings down into the jaw, Stacked them on the bald cyclops and let me know the count. You're nuts! You're a madman! This is a huge mistake!
Starting point is 01:35:37 What? Shoulda let them cool off first. See anything you like? She's beautiful. Look. Have you seen that Julia Roberts movie, Eat, Pray, Love? Yeah. Yeah. Well, now you're looking at the sequel.
Starting point is 01:36:04 Eat, eat, eat. You're crying. So sad. What makes you such an expert on women anyways? POP. Power of the pussy. That was a mild setback. Dress real nice.
Starting point is 01:36:39 We're going for some Wall Street beaver. Party time, Pinky. There it is. First trailer. I love it, dude. Thank you for letting me show it. I've never seen anything like it. No?
Starting point is 01:37:16 No, no, no. Yeah, it's just... I didn't see Jamie or Russell in it. Well, what we did is the core of the movies about this nerd hires this crazy wingman to help him get hurt. I know. I understood that from the thing. And so... That's obvious, yeah.
Starting point is 01:37:31 And so Jamie plays a rival wing man. Oh, I see. So he plays my nemesis. Right. He has high-end clients. I have the low-end losers. Right, right, right. And then Russell Peters plays one of James.
Starting point is 01:37:42 Jamie's high-end client, and he steals that guy's girlfriend. Oh, I see. Don't give it away. I don't want to give too much away. Yeah, don't give too much away. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But, uh, and you produce and directed it yourself. I didn't produce it, but I directed it. I wrote it and starred in it. That's amazing. It's coming out May 26, and you can go to harlomwilms.com and get, uh, a pre-order for Apple TV. And, uh, so we're excited, buddy.
Starting point is 01:38:09 Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. You know, it's so funny. Andrew and I created our own thing, a TV show. You did? Yeah, we produced ourselves, and we're putting it out soon in November. And I think that's the next, you know, wave of doing it. Isn't it great?
Starting point is 01:38:27 I love it because you have control. Yeah. And no notes. Yeah. Yeah. And I don't have people breathing down my leg. I do it this way. I love it.
Starting point is 01:38:37 Or you can't say that or whatever. That's the bit because Theo and Spade just put out their movie. I'm in that too, yeah. You're in that too, yeah. Yeah. I'm excited to see it. I couldn't get into Wingman, but I'm going to be into every other movie.
Starting point is 01:38:49 I just a tie or, you know what I mean? You know, all of it, but, you know, but... We're not going to relitivating. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. But you know you love... I love, pray. Wait, can you tell me about your...
Starting point is 01:39:00 No, I can't. I got to go. Andrew? Your project with Andrew? Yeah, I can we say... You let me plug mine. I'd like to plug yours. This is my show.
Starting point is 01:39:08 I know, but it's up to me if we plug your project or not. All right. I'd like to plug his project. It's called... The Bad Game Show. And do we have a trailer? No. We just shot last week.
Starting point is 01:39:22 All of it. And thirdly, you don't have to snap my head off. I didn't. I'm just trying to be your friend. I am your friend. I'm trying to promote you. I know you're on my own podcast. You snapped real deep and real hard, guy.
Starting point is 01:39:36 Yeah? I'm fucking with you, guy. I'm an actor. I'm an actor. Did you see it? Oh, it's the character from Wingman. Yeah. Wow.
Starting point is 01:39:44 Come on. Thank you so much.

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