TigerBelly - Jake Johnson, Gareth Reynolds, & The Jerry Springer Episode
Episode Date: May 21, 2024New Girl actor Jake Johnson and comedian Gareth Reynolds stop by to bring the chaos! We chat Bobby's New Girl audition, Fred Savage, Disneyland, dick biting, algorithms, and glowy face. We're Here to ...Help Podcast Helix is offering up to 30% off all mattress orders AND two free pillows for our listeners! Go to www.helixsleep.com/belly That’s www.helixsleep.com/belly. This is their best offer yet and it won’t last long! With Helix, better sleep starts now. New players, start by playing just FIVE BUCKS to get FIFTY BUCKS in Casino Credits in your pocket INSTANTLY! All you gotta do is download the DraftKings Casino app and sign up with code TIGERBELLY.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
You know what, dude?
I'm this close at ending it.
Dude, what if they never left?
His face today?
Which one?
Gareth.
Gareth.
You don't like his face?
Well, you know how Jake Johnson looks like a man?
Oh my God, that's the most masculine dude I've seen.
I saw the mummy recently.
Yeah.
And I go, there's a man.
More man than Tom Cruise, I'll tell you that right now.
Right?
He was very good in that movie,
but then I look at Gareth's face, it's like glowy.
Like he uses, you know.
Korean skincare.
Oh.
Like they go to the same website
and they get the baby penis.
The cord blood.
Yeah, cord blood, yeah.
He's a part of the whole cabal.
Now look at what he's doing.
But damn.
Anyway, so welcome to another episode of Tiger Belly.
You know guys, I'm so blessed to be here.
I really am.
I'm in a whimsical mood.
Love it.
And I am enjoying my life immensely.
And I'm really just taking it all in.
I feel grateful, let's be honest.
And also angry.
I don't know where that comes coming from,
but there's a little rage mixed in there.
Wolf, wolf, we can ask the guys.
Wolf, wolf, we can ask the guys.
Also, by the way, I just wanna say,
I've stood in that porta potty for 10 seconds,
and it's an oven in there.
Okay, let's get out.
So anyway, we got two people coming.
Gareth has done our podcast before.
Jake Johnson has not, but I'm well aware of his work.
His accolades.
His accolades and his IMDBs.
So give them a round of applause.
Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds, everybody.
Woo!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
However you wanna do it, however you wanna do it,
however you wanna do it. You know, we're not, you know,
we're not a Christian podcast, we do what we do.
We're not yet, we're a Muslim podcast.
Hello Jake.
Please put, you wanna put the headphones on or no?
No, I'd rather not.
Then don't.
Do your attitude, we gotta talk about your attitude in a second.
Wait, wait, wait, your skin really is so good.
It's so gay.
Thank you. Your skin is so gay right now? Or gay. No, but the glow, good, wait. Your intro is so. Your skin really is so good. It's so gay. Thank you.
What?
Your skin is so gay right now?
Or gay.
No, but the glow, good, good.
Thank you.
But also, even if I said gay, that is still a compliment.
I do not see that as a negative.
I don't either.
Your voice got real high.
What, Jake?
You started so nice outside, dude.
Oh, it's charming.
You went outside, we saw Bobby, he goes,
your skin looks great, he saw mine mine and he goes, not yours.
And so, buddy, you're not wrong. And then inside he goes, Jake
looks like a man, Gareth looks terrible. And there I go, you
always get it, huh? And he goes, always. Yeah, it's fun to poke
and prod him. I kind of agree. But it was the driveway, Bobby
was different. Yeah, the driveway was completely, that's who I essentially am. Yeah, right. Right kind of agree. Yeah, but it was the driveway Bobby was different Yeah, the driver buddy was completely that's who I essentially am. Yeah, right, right on air
Yeah, the same thing. He calls me on air. He's like you've turned into Mo from three students. You're always just mean to me
Right and off air you it's a different thing
Why the skin though?
Because I never thought to myself,
you know that Gareth Reynolds, really dry skin,
he should do something about it.
Dry skin, yeah, no, well, you know, I'm old.
You know, you look good for your age,
so you know, you get older.
That's interesting.
But I thought that it would be,
I didn't think I would not be a man,
which was basically what you said
when I was standing in your quarter. I wasn't saying that.
That's ridiculous.
I mean, I think if we ran it back, we would be pretty clear.
It is shocking that you've become a cream guy and that your skin does look so good.
Cream.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You like this?
Cream.
Yeah, he knows what he's talking about.
Cream.
Yeah, okay.
You can call him a moisturizer, dickhead.
Don't call him a dickhead, dude.
Wait, wait.
I don't understand this. Stop, stop, stop for a second.
Fuck you dude. What are you talking about?
This guy right here dude, he's a good guy.
Have you seen his work?
I've read a lot about it.
You did a wedding thing.
You did that wedding show, that reality show.
And he beat me for that job
because that was a hard job to get.
In retrospect, a bad career move on my part.
I was there with you in Vegas, remember?
I remember, yeah.
Anyway, yeah.
But I don't know if you remember this, Jay.
But, so I met you, when's the recently,
when I met you, the recent time I saw you?
With Santino.
Exactly, all right.
But did we ever meet, I do know,
but did we ever meet before that?
Yes.
Where?
Ooh.
New Girl audition.
You remember that?
Yeah. Oh, thank God. I thought you had forgotten. That was a very big, big heartbreak for him.
Yeah.
Tell me.
If you test for a show and you don't get it,
no, no, Jake, just listen to what I'm saying.
Okay.
Oh, Jesus.
I don't know who's your guy.
I don't know.
We're both gonna get it.
I'm not gonna do anything.
I'm just, this is why I'm lying.
One rose.
Will you tell me what you remember about that? I don't sorry. I don't know who's your guy. We're both gonna get it.
I'm not gonna do anything.
I'm just, this is why I'm lying.
One rose.
Will you tell me what you remember about it?
Well, I'm gonna tell you what it was.
What it was.
Okay, so the reason why I was heartbroken
was because I thought, you know what I mean,
you know how sometimes you read a roll and you go,
this is me.
Yeah.
I got this in the bag, right?
And I think I did until that guy showed up.
Who were you reading for?
I don't remember.
Coach, this was Damien.
Yes, so I remember going to the, I was nervous.
Super, what?
You already had gotten the part.
Was I officially cast?
Yes.
Okay, so Max and I were reading with you.
And I bet- You didn't read with me.
The lady did.
Zoe.
Whatever.
Wait, you didn't read with us?
I have a note.
So when did we see each other?
You were out in the...
Oh, yeah, okay, okay.
Interesting.
Okay.
Because I remember talking to you about it.
And you both were leaning against, like, one of those something.
Yeah.
And you guys were really nice to me.
Right?
I would have been excited if you got the part.
I think we all would have been excited if you got the part.
I think we all would have been.
It's not over yet.
The show's done.
Oh, yeah.
Long time.
It's not over.
You're not going to get it.
But see, Damon Waynes Jr., who got the show, he went right.
You know how sometimes you go right into testing?
Yes.
Right?
So no one knew he was,
I didn't know he was gonna be there.
Right.
As soon as he walked in, I went,
because it's Fox.
Yes.
Fox has a fucking, not that he's great,
but Fox has a relationship with a living color
and his dad, there's all this nostalgia
and like, you know, nepotism, you know?
And as soon as he walked in, I almost said out loud, should I leave?
Should I leave?
Like that.
No.
If you said that, that would have been great.
And you would have gotten the part.
Yeah, that's what happened after.
Should I leave?
Liz Merriweather would have gone, that's our fucking guy.
That's a guy, that's a guy.
And I didn't get it, and it was a...
Who'd you test against?
Damon Wins Jr.
Just the two of you? No, there's always a third. There was a third, I don't remember the third. The third didn't have it and it was a. Who'd you test against? David Wins Jr. Just the two of you?
No, there's always a third.
There was a third, I don't remember the third.
Okay, the third didn't have a chance.
Some guys doing a podcast, some were going like,
it was mine, then I see fucking Bobby Lee.
Can I leave?
Yep, it is.
Yeah, yeah, but it's like, because you both know,
you guys have both tested probably a bunch of times.
Have you gotten everything you've tested for?
No.
All right, what's that feeling like?
The next day.
Oh, got it.
Or the day after.
Well, what's awful about testing for a pilot
and the meanest thing that they do
is they put the contract in front of you.
And negotiate it first.
And you see the money.
And so it's your name, the money you will get if you do it,
and you sign, and if they say yes that money is yours
And if you don't get it you get nothing get nothing. Why do they dangle that carrot?
Probably old-world meanness
Studios a lot of old-world mean stuff. Well, they want to hit the ground running too, right?
They don't want to like spend time before shoot
But they also you the way I think part of it it is they also like that in the walls you can hear
other people auditioning.
Yeah.
I think it's just to psychologically fuck them.
It works.
But it is.
The truth is this, the truth of it is
they don't want you to get the part and then negotiate.
Yeah, so you don't have an upper hand.
So you don't have an upper hand, right?
So that's why they do it.
But the other way which could be good is
let's say I was casting it and we didn't do that.
You got Bobby, you got Damon, you got some third guy. You can go, I like y' they do it. But the other way which could be good is, let's say I was casting it and we didn't do that. You got Bobby, you got Damon, you got some third guy.
You can go, I like y'all for it.
What would you be willing to do it for?
And Bobby would go in like this.
Oh my god.
Unless, and then Damon would go,
I mean, I'll do it for that.
And you could negotiate the other way and go,
how about we do the, let's do the pilot as a guest star.
Would you do it?
But if it works, there is another mean way to do it.
It'll go there. You do it like the movie it works, there's another mean way to do it. It'll go there.
You do it like the movie Dark Knight,
when remember they drag in Joker's body
and they thought he was dead, but then he was actually,
and then he breaks this pool stick,
and he goes, you guys fight for it?
Pool stick fight.
Yeah.
Wow.
Way better.
Yeah, I think that's way better.
What's funny about hearing this story, Bobby,
is I remember at the time, because I've known
you as a fan forever since Mad TV's standup, I didn't think when you were there it was
something you would want to do.
So mind you, nobody there, it's not like this was, I'm not talking about the uppers, I didn't
have any conversation with anybody.
Is your face okay?
Yeah, he's fine.
I'm going through a stroke.
What do you mean, dude?
I was in the fucking, did I know you were dating them?
You met me right after.
Oh, right after.
Bro, listen to me.
I had nothing.
It was almost as if-
It was bad.
It was bad for me.
Cause I would go on the road and I would not make any money.
You know what I mean?
Like a guarantee of some sort, right? And then it's like, some shows I would not make any money. You know what I mean? Like a guarantee, right?
And then it's like, some shows I would be like,
like on a Saturday night second show, 40 people?
Like it's just sadness.
When you hear them being like, let's cut five servers
and maybe we could stop it.
All right, let's get in the zone.
Get in the zone.
Get in the zone.
People don't know, it's great now,
but there was a decade or so where it was like touch and go,
like every year was a different number I got,
and it was less and less every year, it was really hard.
So at the time, it was everything.
Life saver financially, yeah.
It would have been, not only that, being relevant again.
You know, interesting.
Right, so it's like when I didn't get it,
and I remember your face,
now that you were very positive at night.
Yeah, looking a bad way, oh go ahead.
No, but you know, because the whole thing
was a bad experience for me,
it's already he's negative.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But then once I saw him with Andrew,
it became positive again, and that's...
Well, I can tell you what we saw.
Why did you do the negative?
Well, I was out with Santino,
and as we were talking, and you came up,
and I had that memory, I was like,
oh yeah, probably, and he walked up,
and he was like, day.
I was like, man, I guess this guy.
I was like.
No, no, no, no, no.
Was I like that?
Yes.
Really?
You were like this.
I would try to be cool.
No, I would try to be cool.
Oh, you were?
Yeah, that's me trying to be the Korean for funds.
Yeah.
Which a lot of people have heard of you as.
Everybody.
How low would you have gone to get on the show?
Like what's the price you would have settled?
This is a good question.
I swear to God, and I'm not doing this as a joke.
Half the pay.
Yeah, say it.
At that time, say it.
So at the time, I think my weekly thing,
I can say it maybe, was that weird to say it?
I can say it.
I would probably suck somebody's dick.
Would you suck a dick at the thing?
I'm not kidding you. Is that true? say it? I don't know. I would probably suck somebody's dick. Would you suck a dick at the thing? I'm not kidding you.
Is that true?
I feel like I was so desperate that if somebody goes,
hey, just.
I believe him.
Would you have gone down on a woman?
Oh yeah.
Okay, I just want to make sure.
If you said no.
No show.
It's in the contract.
Strictly dick, strictly dick.
So that's a real thing.
You would have sucked a dick for a part of that.
I mean, it depends on who. If it was the Harvey Weinstein or something.
Gareth.
Gareth Reynolds.
At post-moisturizer.
No, no, no.
I moisturize my cock.
I know you. There's no way.
A lot of people.
You would have to be a stranger.
I know you. I don't know. There's no way.
What if it was a cock just coming through a glory hole and you didn't know it was on
the other side?
That's just an interesting question.
Is it?
Isn't it?
I don't know. It is. Shut up George, it is.
Wait, can you age a penis properly?
Can you look at someone?
Oh, I haggard mine.
Approximate their age.
Oh, like a tree?
Yeah, I know, their rings on a tree.
That's a 62 year old cock.
Would you know the difference between Larry King, RIP, or?
Well now you would.
Yeah, yeah, this is cold.
I think dicks wrinkle a little bit.
Fully erect, you could tell the difference?
Actually, I don't know.
I don't know, I don't think so.
I don't think so.
So dicks don't age?
Because vaginas don't either.
Well they-
Vaginas stay pretty good.
If I showed you a photo of a nine-year-old woman's vagina,
Please do.
You wouldn't know, I don't think.
I bet you would.
I don't think you would.
I think I would.
90?
90?
Oh, it's 70.
A moth's leaving it.
That's 90.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Who's dick of somebody you knew that we might all know
would you have sucked to get on New Girl?
Oh, that's a good question.
Because if Gareth doesn't know,
who's somebody that you're like,
I can't believe I'm getting passed on for this.
But you're like, that time, full rate,
you're struggling doing standup, you really wanted it.
You've got to say somebody that everyone goes, yeah.
And you would go, I will just suck his dick.
OK, I mean, any leading man at the time?
Jake.
No.
OK.
Hard no.
It was a hard no, because at that point,
I had never seen him in anything.
In fact, I didn't really even know really who he was.
He could have been a producer, I don't know.
And I couldn't have helped you get on the show.
There's no way you could have.
And it doesn't get hard.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, I see, I see, I see.
Which would be a yes, then.
A little overcooked noodle?
Yeah, yeah.
So depressing.
So now, Jake, but any of the leading men at the time,
like Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, you know what I mean? I mean, of course. Let's go a little bit smaller. But any like any of the like leading men at the time like
I mean, of course, I mean, yeah, let's go a little bit small
Let's go with someone like a high exec like decrepit or tv. What about like a fred savage?
What about wow? That's a good one because he's not not wonder years Like he was doing shows on fox. He was directing them. He's directing as well as he's still active
So he if you sucked his dick, I've had a bad experience as he's still acting. So he, if you sucked his dick, could be.
I've had a bad experience auditioning with him.
What happened?
I just.
Sucked his dick.
No, I didn't.
I just sucked his dick.
No, it was just a bad audition.
I didn't like his notes.
So no.
Oh, so you want to like the personality?
No, no, no, quit.
You're not dating him, Bobby.
You're coming up in.
I didn't like his vibe,
and he's not a guy I'm gonna fall in love with.
It's weird that you're being so discriminated about who you blow.
Because if you're not that desperate for the role then,
because you should blindly suck whoever's dick.
That's a winning attitude.
Now if I'm a coach, I am Kat, you're on the team.
I suck everyone, I suck everyone.
I suck everyone, I suck everyone. I suck everyone. I suck everyone.
I suck everyone.
Besides you, Gareth, Fred Savage.
I'll suck to Brad Pitt's dick.
Who wouldn't?
You're right.
You're right.
You're right.
Let's suppose you did suck Fred Savage's dick, right?
And then he looks you straight in the eye
and he's like, Bobby, you don't have the role.
Oh, then.
You can't.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Okay, go ahead.
The bet cannot be after Bobby sucks his dick,
the guy has a decision.
It's not like The Voice.
You suck the dick, the part's yours.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's not like.
That'd be a great show.
Yeah, yeah.
Adam LeVean turns around and is there.
The cock.
Oh.
Jesus.
You talking about?
Ah, I don't know.
And then right after he finishes,
he's like, you don't get the part,
and then his inner monologue is like,
I probably shouldn't have done that.
At the time, I decided it was something that makes sense.
It was right at that time I realized
I was abusing my power.
I knew I'd overstepped professionally.
That's a really good reference.
Very, very good.
Let me ask you guys, be honest, truthful.
All right.
Yeah.
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Let me be honest, truthful, all right?
At this point, the business has changed.
So it doesn't mean as much getting something.
Do you believe that, for instance?
Yes. Yeah, it's different for sure.
That era was very different.
It's so different.
What's the most desperate act you've ever done to get something and then felt really bad about after?
What?
I shouldn't have done that moment.
I think I did.
Cringe or cringe moment.
Where you're like, fuck, I did that.
Give me an example.
Like Bobby almost sucking dick.
No, I never had.
No, wait, stop, stop, stop, stop.
It was just a hypothetical.
It never really happened.
Yeah, but you put it on the table.
So it's something you would have liked.
One time I sucked Bobby's dick to be on Tiger Bay.
One time I pretended to be Bobby so Gareth would suck my dick.
I knew it!
Wow.
So I'll be honest here, I'll tell you where I walked away from it and went.
Because people lie a lot, right?
They'll make up shit.
Why did I do that?
So one time I auditioned for a show
and the producers were sitting in the room
and my audition wasn't that great.
I didn't bomb it all.
It's just fun.
But then I went, then I did a speech afterwards
where I went, I really appreciate you guys calling me in.
It's just like, thank you so much.
I really love the role.
And I tried to sell it that way and it didn't work.
They were like, please.
Like we have 50 guys on your show, bye bye.
You know what I mean, it was that kind of vibe.
So it was like, and then when you walk away
where you're like, what the fuck did you do?
Why did I do that?
Why did I do that, you know what I mean?
When I was first starting, I went out all the time
and I don't like going out.
I'm a homebody, I like, you know, the same routine.
But if anybody texted who was further along, I never said no.
So that was just a grimy feeling where I would know if I was home with my now wife and we're watching TV and she would never come and I would
get a text being like, hey, we're all at a bar.
I wouldn't want to go, but I would like make a pot of coffee to be at
the bar to do bits because I don't know who go, but I would like make a pot of coffee to be at the bar to do bits
Because I don't know who in this group is gonna pop
I see, I see, I see
And if somebody pops
I know, that's crazy
But I feel like that's a necessary thing you have to do
Yeah, but it was for years. It wouldn't be it would just be hey, we're going here and I'd go like
Alright, and as soon as I started working I was finally able to go like, I like everybody.
I just don't want to go out on a Tuesday night.
Maybe two Saturdays from now, but for years it was,
you want to jump up and do this improv show?
And I'd be like, no, I don't want to go
to the fucking Improv Olympics, but I will.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's really similar to him, because I
would have to drag him out.
He just wouldn't want to leave his little pod and video game like set up
Yeah, yeah, and and sometimes like we would have to like lie his manager and I'd be like oh so-and-so is gonna be there
He's gonna be like, oh
Going yeah. Yeah. I mean I it's dreadful that we have to I don't do it now. Yeah. Yeah
But does it you have to but we used to call a bar booking because you could book in the bar
I know or part people could do it in party book. Yeah party bookers where you're like, but I don't have
The skill set to do you have the skills? He does yes
You do he always you have it you have it Jake always was very like to I was that's what I was gonna say
Jake always would be out
Socializing. Yeah, he Even when you got new,
like you'd worked with Liz prior to that.
You were always very good at playing that game.
Yes, going out.
Yes, always.
Are you good at it?
No, horrible.
Yeah, me too.
Horrible.
You think you're not good at it, Garf?
Yeah, I think I'm bad at it.
I think if you look at the way my career played out,
it's very much a career of something.
Yeah, I'll just stay home and maybe try a podcast.
I've said this before, but Patrice O'Neill,
I was in New York and we did a radio show together
after work, because I was complaining about how
Ken Jeong is getting everything.
You know what I mean?
I can't even, you know what I mean?
They offer it to him first, you know?
I was devastated.
There was a year where I was completely like,
I didn't know what to do, you know what I mean?
It's like, just give him everything. You know what I mean? It's like, just give him everything.
You know what I mean?
I'll change my race.
But my point is, I couldn't.
And then he goes, let me talk to you.
And he pulls me outside and he goes, you're not him.
I go, I know, I get it.
No, he goes, you don't get it, no.
You're just as talented.
In fact, to me, you're funnier.
Like, you're so funny, right?
But you don't have what I? But you don't have what I
have. You don't have what I don't have, which is that skill set to go to a party or anything and
pretend because I see it in my, the people see it in my face. I don't want to be there. You know what
I mean? Just, you know, I just don't know how to do it. It's not even that Ken would be pretending.
There are some people genuinely enjoy being in that environment But it's not even that Ken would be pretending. There are some people who genuinely enjoy
being in that environment.
Yeah, I'm not saying that he would.
I agree.
They feed off.
Ken's a nice guy and he's so good at it.
And naturally extroverted
and they get energized by other people.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We're just not like that.
Yeah, I'm not like that at all.
But you know, I wish I had it, but you know what?
It's fine.
I mean, look at, we're fine.
Well, it played out well.
I mean, you wouldn't have this,
if you booked New Girl, you would not have this show.
Or if he did imagine the audience. Oh, so I booked a movie with Zoe. Which one?
It was Purple Crayon something,
I don't know what it was called, it's not out yet.
But, what?
Not good.
Anyway, and I went to rehab, when I was in rehab,
they go, they're in production, they're starting now.
And I lost it.
Oh.
So I don't think in Destiny, it's, I'm never gonna, yeah.
But I will say that if you had gotten a new girl
and then you simultaneously started a podcast,
it wouldn't have been the podcast you wanted to put out
because you would have really censored yourself
because you were on network TV.
No, you also would have had to.
Yeah.
You could not have.
Oh, that's right, yeah.
You could not have done these podcasts.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It is simply, it would not have happened.
Yeah.
We also, I mean, that world which, it's now different,
I bet people on those shows, it's a whole new galaxy.
But we had people who, you know,
I didn't want to get on social media,
there was no choices.
Really?
It was, you're gonna get on social media,
you're gonna tweet with castmates during the show.
It was, this is now the business,
and you're going to help push the business.
And you just went like, great.
OK.
And when they wanted you to go somewhere for press,
it was years of doing it before I would say like,
can I say no to this?
Right.
But for the first five years, I wouldn't even think to say no.
You're like, if you started a podcast
and you said one thing that was off,
you would have a sit down and they'd be like,
are you out of your fucking mind?
Oh, right.
I would have been fucked.
I would have been cooked. It just, you would not have this. Yeah. It would have a sit down and they'd be like, are you out of your fucking mind? You'd be like, shut the. I would've been cooked.
It just, you would not have this,
it would've been opposite.
The worst is this, when you do those media runs,
the worst is when they do, all right,
so you have a block between five in the morning and noon,
and you're doing like a thousand radios,
and you're just sitting there on the phone,
and then like, you just, after two hours you want to fucking kill yourself
Yeah, it's it you've done those. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, why'd you make it that face? Because I am entertained by you. I love you
That's weird. What do you mean? What I was just listening
Honestly, could I be honest with you? Let me just be straight up next time I see you. Yeah, don't do this
What's the moisture. It's distracting.
What?
Hold on, is this real?
I'm being real.
What about outside Bobby?
Because outside Bobby was about to say to me,
Jake, your face looks bad and I was going to be free.
No, no, no.
Outside Bobby was doing this, Jake.
Very interesting you're doing this, OK?
And I really like you a lot.
I really like you a lot.
When I was out there, it was almost
as if I didn't know if there was something
that had sweated or not. So I was just trying to it was almost as if I didn't know if there was something, if he had sweat or not.
Right, so I was just trying to find a way in
to address his face.
What was my face just now that upset you?
It wasn't upsetting.
I think it was the glow of your face, right?
I think that it's,
because there's two things going on now.
I gotta see through the glow now.
It's like, you know, when you're out by a lake and there's a fog.
Is that a tree?
But I gotta go through the fog to see the tree.
You know what I mean?
So when I'm looking at you, that's what I'm sensing.
There's a glow first and then I look at your face phase
and you look confused for a second, buddy.
And what I'm saying to you is that
you can do any kind of skin regime you want any fine
You know even if I saw you with the glowy face, that's your new thing. Thank you. I'm fine with it
Okay, but just you know deep down inside. It's gonna bother me a little bit. Can I defend? Yeah, go ahead Jake someone has to
Something I didn't quite realize about Gareth Gareth is unbelievably funny great writer
What I didn't know is how much the ladies love Gareth is unbelievably funny, great writer. What I didn't know is how much the ladies love Gareth.
So that's why I'm okay with the moisturizer.
Yeah. Thank you.
Because I always viewed Garf as like a great writer,
arrested development, big shows, he's on him.
Great standup, really funny guy.
In doing a podcast with him, I was like,
oh, the ladies love the Garf man.
I think you give off a very safe and warm feeling.
Interesting.
Oh, yeah.
There is something about you that's inherently like, oh,
he's a good guy.
We can put on our nightly serums together.
Yeah.
And he's not going to be like.
Hold on.
Hold on.
I got to defend you again.
You're not helping, I appreciate that.
The Bobby part is not getting helped by this.
Yeah, but no, this was a really sweet setup.
You were like, it's really safe,
we can put on our seams and talk about the guys
we wanna fuck.
No.
I don't know, he has weird energy.
Because we felt like we were going together
to kind of have it pass.
That's not where you were going?
No, no.
I think the ladies like him, like they wanna have sex with them, not gab with them about it.
Not sex, it's better for cigarettes, but not like some retinol.
I love that you know about tretinoin and retinol. It's important.
I'm into it.
Yeah.
Thank you.
What is it?
Thank you.
I mean, listen, guys, it's like you do have to take care of your skin.
Bobby, you're Korean, you should know this. The liver spots should not be there.
Look at that.
Bobby doesn't.
So mad.
Bobby's into it, I can tell.
Gilbert gets it, he does. He has really good skin care because his wife makes him do it.
I'm 52 years old.
I know, you look amazing.
Bobby, you got it.
I'm old.
Stop.
I'm doing old man's skin.
No, you don't have old men's skin.
I'm not deceiving the folks.
Now that, I feel that.
With some sort of fucking, you know what I mean?
That's a cut across the box. That's exactly what I mean. That's a cut across the box. No, I don't have old man's hair. I'm not deceiving the folks. With some sort of fucking, you know what I mean?
That's a shot across the bow.
That's not a cut across the bow.
It's not that. I don't know what you said, but it's not that.
You mean a pirate turn? Pirating turn?
It's not a cross between the crown.
What I'm saying to you right now, sorry, what is it?
A shot across the bow.
It's not a shot across the bow.
A row across the towel.
Whatever, okay? What I'm saying to you is, I don't even know why I'm mad right now.
I don't either.
Yeah.
What was I mad about for a second?
Well, you're mad at my face and then you said something and I said I love you and you said
I don't.
I think you got mad because of this guy's skin, the comp.
Yeah.
Then you got to 52 and then you took it out on Gainesville.
Yeah, right.
But I love you so, take it out on me.
I'm not taking it out on you.
That's safety.
I love you so much, take it out on me.
I can handle, you can handle the rage.
I want to have sex with him right now.
Me too.
It's fucking crazy.
It's orgy time.
Look, a vodka is going to hang me.
But here's the thing that you don't get.
That's a tough question.
Player.
Ooh. Alright, yeah. I really like how the audience carries Springert. that you don't get. That's a tough question. Player.
I really like how the audience
carries Springert.
Get him, Jared, get him.
You get a certain type.
Wow.
Don't do that.
You don't get danger girls.
I get danger girls.
What does that mean to you? Women who scare you? And you get, you don't get danger girls. Oh. I get danger girls.
What does that mean to you?
Just like, what's wrong?
Women who scare you?
No, just women that live on the edge.
Thoughts.
Danger girls, are you kidding me?
The last three have been single moms from rural areas.
Thoughts.
Oh!
You're dating single moms from rural areas! Yeah, you got me. Oh! You're dead in single month of your own age!
Yeah, you got me.
Oh!
He got you!
Rebuttal, rebuttal!
You are not the father!
Oh!
Somebody do the crow on the ground!
All right, suck it.
You are not the dad.
And then the poor kid's always sitting there
and it's like a two year old looking at him.
I know, I know, right?
It's like, it's been two years that kid thought that man was her dad.
Hold on, let him finish moonwalking.
We'll get into the trauma.
Also with that it's like, you know, you're proud that you're not the dad, but then I would still be the fatherly figure.
You would? I'd be out.
Thoughts on the skincare.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Is he safe?
Is he safe anymore?
Not so safe anymore.
Well, listen.
What I'm saying is that, you know, some of it's like,
you know, I've been raising this kid for three years.
Yeah.
Right, and now I'm not the father, I'm out?
Like how is that fucking?
That wasn't always the scenario.
Sometimes it was like, I definitely am not the father.
If it was that I would wean the kid off.
I'd go from like five days a week to like four days.
And I'd slowly in the night walk out.
Opiates or something.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah.
But he goes all out with the single moms and their kids.
He goes all out with a kid.
What does that mean?
He's like, like he takes them to like $8,000 VIP Disneyland like tour. Light Sabers. Light Saber experience.
Very sweet. Oh man. That's cool. Because something that I do. Oh you like you like to do it
anyhow so you're like let's go. Jake if I'm gonna go to Disneyland by myself I
would do this Light Saber tour. Yeah. What is the Light Saber tour? Here's what I'm glad you asked.
Thank you. No one's ever asked me that. Me? I'm not a bad guy.
You're a good guy.
I'm no good guy.
You're a good guy.
Now he's gonna turn on me
because I'm like you and your gross skin.
Yeah.
So with the lightsaber,
I didn't even,
you have to make an appointment.
Wow.
Right?
And you go to like,
I guess, you know, the rebellion, the rebels.
Sure.
So there's like a little compound
where this master comes out.
And there's only like eight of you.
And you're on it like an actual like,
a workshop, a workbench.
But it's very like Star Wars-y.
And there's like a light show, she comes in
and she tells us, you know what,
you guys are the new Padawans,
you guys, you may have to fight,
whatever the fucking speeches, I don't memorize it, okay?
So, and anyway, and then they give you these real components
to make the kind of lightsaber that you would like to make,
and it's super expensive, it's super expensive to me.
What's a number?
Like a, it was like 300 bucks, but it's like.
But what do you do, so you then make it so,
it's just got a light, I'd imagine.
The lightsaber? What the fuck man? Nevermind
But Jake lightsabers aren't real so it's like no it's an actual plastic stick that comes out
Then what do you do with a bunch of it on it's like a flashlight?
That'll be $4,000
The actual experience so let's say there's ten people and you all get the money, you spend the money, you do it,
then it's done, you just go like this then?
Yeah, so whenever you swing, you turn it on,
it's very heavy too, it's like not something
you would get at a gift store, right?
It's very heavy, it would feel like a real lightsaber,
I think, if there was.
Wait, but after you make it, do they like put you
on a stage to reenact the whole thing?
I'm getting there.
Oh, okay, sorry, sorry.
What is it? No, no, sorry, sorry. What is it?
No, um, no, they don't.
They don't, that's it?
So, were you getting there?
No, they kind of push you away
because we have a four o'clock appointment.
But so all you're doing is making one of these
and holding it for a second?
Right, you hold it, and then you got to,
I think you pull it up, you turn it on,
and they make some sort of speech.
What a money-
Yeah, but the kids love it.
They're nuts, yeah, yeah.
I mean this with all due respect.
What is the mean average of this room, like age-wise?
I would say probably very mixed.
You're getting a lot older, a lot younger.
That's it.
That's exactly what it is.
See, look at it.
Yeah, that's it.
There's no kids there.
Yeah, well, yeah, I was one of those guys.
So it's like a workshop.
Wow.
Yeah, and yeah, that's exactly it.
It's pretty fun.
As a kid, because you go in there as a kid, you're like,
oh, this is real.
It is pretty cool, though.
I got to hold it, the lightsaber.
I was like, oh, this thing's legit.
It's legit, yeah.
Oh, that's what you mean by making it.
You make it.
So they give you different components.
You get to choose.
I want mine to be more Sith-like. You know what I mean?
Or I might more like Gareth Reynolds.
Whatever.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So it's a pretty good experience.
When was the last time you got into Disneyland?
Oh, fuck.
A long time.
I mean, I don't have any kids.
Jake, you have kids?
Yeah.
When's the last time you went?
I think for their fourth birthday, I have twins.
You have twins?
Yeah.
And how old are they now?
10.
Right, so you haven't been since then?
I don't love Disneyland.
I know, but it's not for you, it's for the kids.
They didn't love it either.
Oh, they didn't?
It was hyped up.
Because Dad kept crying.
That was hyped up.
Well, I didn't have a great attitude.
Well, that's you.
I mean, I was gonna deny it and say it was all them,
but that was a lie.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There was a lot of people just fucking eating churros sitting on curbs was all these adults sitting on curbs
They pretend once you go past this little arch. It's the happiest place on earth. Don't look like it
Yeah, it doesn't feel like it doesn't feel like it doesn't feel like it
You're looking at all these families sitting around buying shit
They can't afford and you're like there's nine hundred pounds of people and there's only three of you and you're eating churros that were 30 bucks that are this big yeah
this doesn't look like the happiest place on planet earth it looks like a
sad place that's just taking all your money and then Bobby walks out with a
light but let me did you do the chaperone no that's that's where that's
where you're giving the kid the chaperone experience as well?
When you two, wow, you really are.
Well, no, because it's like, even if I went by myself, I'm chaperone.
Yeah, right. Yeah, right.
Yeah, but.
Do you find yourself attracted to women with kids?
I'll tell you this, and this is a very interesting question.
I'm happy to answer it, right?
I feel like I'm dating.
Great question.
And this is going to be probably.
Well, you said three single
From Earl, that's a type. Oh, I want to say that I and I could be wrong
But I feel like I can only get these girls if they have kids what that's not true
We're about all
What's that face? Here's what I think.
I have a different-
You understand what I'm saying?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, but it's untrue because you can have whoever you want.
I don't think that's true. That's not true at all.
I think that if you don't believe it so it doesn't happen for you-
No, I believe it. It still doesn't happen.
I believe it but it still doesn't happen.
I'm trying to manifest it.
I have a different theory.
And it's not a theory I just came up with.
You've literally like told me this. What's your theory? And it's not a theory I just came up with. You've literally told me this.
He's tired.
So it's not a this fact.
That's a theory.
It's a scientific fact.
I've got a theory that you've actually tattooed on your back.
He doesn't want a girl like me who is well traveled,
if he takes to a good restaurant, a girl who's like,
I've already been here,
I've eaten here.
That's why you're saying rural was the big word.
He wants someone who's gonna be like, nobu,
what's a nobu?
And he likes to be the hero and the Messiah in that moment.
And it's like, he wants to be the kid's biggest memory.
Who was that Korean man who took us on the,
you know, the lightsaber experience?
He wants to be
a core memory for someone but he doesn't want somebody who's already experienced that right he
i'm boring to him like someone who's well she's just like this is great this is great content
yes yeah she's just like let's go to the i'll go hey i find out about this new i've been there that
restaurant four times already because that's all i do is eat yeah why do you want to hear i don't
want to hear like you don't know about this you don't know about this, you don't know about that.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I want to be, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, no, no, when I first-
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let me ask, stop, stop, stop.
Oh!
Oh!
You'll have a chance to read it, you'll have a chance.
Bobby, the floor is yours, sir.
Bobby, you are not the boyfriend.
Oh!
If you start dancing, we gotta go.
She's gonna kill him.
She's gonna kill him.
I wanna be the teacher.
I know that.
No, I totally get that.
For once, though, what does that mean?
Not just for once,
because I now realize that men really wanna feel
like they're leading, and I don't think I allowed you
to lead, and that was a mistake.
You know too much about film and stuff.
I hate it. Yeah. You and that brain a mistake. You'd know too much about film and stuff. I hate it.
Yeah.
You and that brain.
It's boring.
It's boring.
Yeah.
Use that brain.
You and that brain.
Hey.
I'll chair you.
Were you the teacher in this dynamic?
I mean, like, when we first met,
I remember him saying, like,
I gotta take you to the best Korean spot.
And he took me to the spot that was like,
so just like sub par.
I was like, Bobby, you don't know K-Town.
So then I would introduce him to all of these Korean spots.
And he would-
Okay, okay.
And I'm like, aren't you?
Oh!
That's an oh for sure.
But I remember little things like this.
Yeah.
Because there's a couple of, there's some music
I can't even listen because of you.
Ooh, like what?
Because I would go, I like this,
and you go, that sucks.
And then now, I swear to God,
I'll tell you the two albums, two bands,
because I can't even listen to them now.
Who was singing?
Robin Hitchcock.
Oh.
You know him?
No.
I tried.
There was an album called I,
I think, whatever.
Yeah.
I loved it growing up.
You know what I mean?
She ruined it.
She goes, that sucked.
Look at the lyrics, it sucked.
You like when these white boy bands.
Sad white boys song.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sorry, sorry.
Once you said that.
Oh!
Bad white boys.
If we were a band, we would be sad white boys.
Oh!
All right, your remodels yours.
And there's another band called Elbow, right?
You're like.
I mean the name. I love so. That's a stupid name for a band, everybody's yours. And there's another band called Elbow, right? You're like. I mean the name.
That's a stupid name for a band, white boy band.
I just thought it was like, mind you,
the context to this, guys, the context is because I had just
been offended because he said, who is Mary J. Bleague?
I don't like R&B.
I don't like R&B.
I'm sorry.
And so he was like, I don't care,
I listen to cool things like Elbow.
I'm like, who the fuck is Elbow?
That's what I'm saying.
I don't listen to R&B.
Yeah, so you ruined some things for me.
I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry.
And I know you guys.
I'm about to talk anymore.
Now, let me just.
There's a black guy in there.
It looks like the Addams family and a black guy.
It was at that moment I realized I was in the wrong band.
I mean, the singer.
Can we move on from you guys have an advice show.
Yeah, we're here to help.
Right.
They're doing it now.
So thank you for being here.
I wanted to ask.
I wanted your advice on something that's been sort of nagging me.
Listen to Elbow. oh, go ahead.
So we've been broken up for over two years,
but we have seven animals between us.
The cats live with him, the dogs live with me.
I've met some of the girls that he's dated,
been pretty chill about that, but my jealousy peaks
when he describes that one of my cats or that animals are mingling
with the new woman in his life.
You tell her that?
Oh wow.
Do you say that to get a little nasty?
No.
You're just actually relating facts.
You're just pointing out truth.
Truth.
I know, so like I wanna know, and it's not a problem,
it's more like it's a me problem.
Like how do I get over that jealousy? What about being like oh?
Bobby gonna kill you as a what okay, Bobby take the lights. Is there hold on is there a guy who plays with your dogs?
So there's a guy okay. I found out from
Name them. I don't even know okay, right? He disciplined my dog Julio
And when I heard that, I went ape shit.
What did the dog do to get disciplined?
No, he's a dick biter.
He's like a psychopath, he doesn't like anyone new.
Oh, the dog's a dick biter.
I swear to God for a minute, I was like,
everyone's handling that occupation.
So wait, the dog?
He booked Nougat.
So I have a behaviorally fucked up dog named Julio.
I don't think he is. I think he's perfect.
Wow.
Who doesn't like anyone...
I think he loves who he loves.
Yeah, you and me and that's it.
Bingo.
Like these guys can't even be around him.
What kind of dog is it?
He's maybe like a 20 pound...
Little bit, okay.
Yeah.
Wait, but a guy can't come in and discipline your animals.
No, no, no, he didn't discipline... He grabbed him by the neck, I heard. I got that story. What are you talking about?
Can we hear the story from your point of view?
Right. No. So Julio went to bite him and-
In the dick?
Tried to, right in the dick. And what he did was instead, there was no other thing to do,
but to kind of pin him in that moment
and then remove himself.
And then after that-
Or leave her and never come back.
But then after that, Julio loved him and was like,
oh, I like you.
As he dominated Julio's ass.
I know, I mean, look.
Julio, there's Julio.
Julio!
There's a big beef.
Hi, Julio.
Look at how happy he is.
Well, first of all, it's great for Bobby, I'd say, to have a dick-biter in the other
camp.
Thank you.
That's a great way to, yeah.
I might have trained him, maybe.
Yeah, I mean, that's kind of nice.
I can't have just strangers come in the house, or any men for that matter, yeah.
Well, one quick thing that's an out-of-body experience for me is, so I watch your guys'
podcast.
It started, I think, with the Brendan Schwab,
or Schwab, whatever his name is, the MMA guy,
because I know MMA.
But all that stuff.
Well, he was conducting an investigation, to be fair.
But that, all that popped up on my YouTube,
and I knew you, so I started kind of watching that,
and that was fascinating.
Yes.
A wild chapter.
That was the beginning where he was trying
to get me to do podcasts.
I wasn't into it, and I was like, this shit's interesting.
I was like, I'm sitting...
Brendan Shaw be on the show.
I was like, can he do something with me where he gets mad at me and talks about like,
you wanted to suck his dick by his truck?
Because all this shit...
I was like, whatever this is, this is good TV.
And I'm watching this shit on my TV.
So I know about your guys' story.
That's why it's so fun hearing about the thing.
I'm like, I'm watching the show.
But in terms of the dog.
Yeah.
So you, Bobby, you cannot tell her
when another woman is cuddling with these cats, man.
You have to keep that quiet.
Why?
Because it's killing her.
Okay.
Because they're my children, right?
And she can't have all of them,
and maybe she also wants you too,
so now she doesn't get the pets,
she doesn't get you, now some new bitches in there,
and she's got you and the cats.
This is too much to take.
It's too much to take.
And all Julio's doing.
I think you're getting through to Bobby.
I can tell by his tone.
Keeping in.
I'm learning so much.
What else, Jake?
I guess I will stop this behavior that bothers her.
What else, Jake?
So I would say you gotta just stop telling her.
Okay.
All right.
What else?
All right, the podcast is over.
We're here to help. Seeoray. What else? Hooray, the podcast, we're here to help.
And, and,
And?
Yeah?
I think no man can touch Bobby's dog.
If Julio's getting weird and this guy doesn't like it,
fucking go to his place.
Okay.
If I had a dog, and well actually,
I don't really care about my dogs, but if my wife has a dog.
Do you have a dog? I have two dogs, yeah. You don't care about them? I do, but like't really care about my dogs, but if my wife had... Oh! Do you have a dog?
I have two dogs, yeah.
You don't care about them?
I do, but if I split with my wife
and she took the dogs, which she would,
and some guy wasn't great to them while I wasn't around,
okay.
I'm sure they got it figured out, you know?
Okay, okay.
I think it's being a lot of networking.
Okay, okay, okay.
I think it's fine.
Yeah, yeah.
All right, so I'll look at her now and go,
I will not tell you, right,
how my cats, what my cats are doing with other people,
especially people I'm seeing in the house.
Okay.
That's pretty sweet, Bobby.
But, go ahead.
And yet, you know what I mean?
None of your boys,
except especially this guy,
he don't touch my dogs in a violent way again.
It wasn't violent.
How about they don't touch the dogs?
A period.
And if there's something going on, you do it.
So I can't have anyone like over ever.
Just let the guys know they need to let their dicks get bit.
That's the price to enter.
Okay.
Because what'll end up happening is if he's,
it looks like this guy's gonna be sticking around
for a long time.
Wow. Ooh. Is that true? Is this guy a gonna be sticking around for a long time. Wow.
Is that true? Is this guy a winner?
I can tell you the answers, yes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, why don't you have it happen naturally? He'll eventually get used to him.
Yeah.
And then, you know, he will have a relationship with the dogs,
and then he can just pet them and do what normal dog owners do. Are you okay with him, like, loving the dogs and having a relationship with the dogs and then he can just pet them and do what normal dog owners do. Are you okay with him loving the dogs
and having a relationship with them?
I'm okay with that.
I just, I'm not okay with any kind of violence.
No, of course not, of course not.
Which is what he fucking did.
No, he didn't.
Yes, he did.
He didn't.
He did and that's it.
It was a slip up self-defense moment and it's fine now.
Okay.
And I don't know what the guy's name will look at me
I'm looking right now dude through the camera all right I'm okay with it bud but don't touch my
dogs in a violent way or I'll fucking kill you. Wow. You'll bite his dick. Say that. I'll bite your dick.
And you'll book a tv show maybe. Yeah yeah yeah anyway. Oh! Back to that let's go back to that watching these two just ping-pong
I will say that was a shocking ending. I didn't expect
It's a comedy but I wasn't I will say it was intense it was pretty intense. All right, I don't even know the guy
Yeah, he seems I'm sure they like you! Hey, me!
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, he seems like a really nice guy.
Let's move on.
But anyway, I'll be honest with you guys.
I've never done this before, you know what I mean?
And it's been...
Can I tell you how nice of a guy this guy is?
Oh my.
The new guy?
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
Stop, stop, stop.
I know what you're going to say.
How are you guys extracting all this? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
okay, all right.
You're not gonna say it.
I am.
I think it was like a nicest thing anyone could ever do.
Can I say it then?
Yeah.
No. Let me say it.
Okay, go ahead.
May I say it to you guys?
Yes. Okay.
We're dying. More advice.
We need more advice.
We're just getting information.
All right, you're getting it.
We're here to help wherever you can get podcasts.
If you like this kind of stuff, our show is not like this.
Bobby, keep going.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, so, all right, thanks for being here, boys.
Of course.
I was looking forward to this.
It's been very quick, thank you so much for being here.
He made no eye contact with me during that.
He hates me.
I love you, I love you.
So, this young man that she's seeing.
New boyfriend?
Yeah.
Yes. Lives in Hawaii.
Okay.
Okay.
Cool.
So she's always in Hawaii.
Okay.
And so, um, at one time I was in Hawaii.
With his single mom from rural America.
Okay.
Was that the first time she'd ever been on an island?
She flew first class for sure.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay, so she's having the trip of her life. Bobby put his lightsaber in the overhead
You bring her and the kid to Hawaii, okay, just her you in the rural yes
So I'm there in Hawaii. So um I don't know but you know I'm a comedian. I have a different lifestyle
Yeah, right, so it's like you know I don't wake up at you know, I'm a comedian. I have a different lifestyle.
So it's like, you know, I don't wake up at 6 in the morning and go hiking.
It's just not in my nature.
So I could tell that she wanted to do daytime activities.
I knew Kalyla and this guy is there, right?
And I know they know the island well.
So I called Kalyla and I go, hey this can you pick this person up in the morning?
Is this your guys's dynamic with X's? Is this normal stuff? We've never done this before.
Oh, so this was you trying something new. Apparently this was a lack of boundaries on my part, but go ahead Bobby.
It's a lack of boundaries from when your therapist said that? I think
It made me happy to do it because I saw how happy she was to see the island because I don't think you were gonna do that for her.
Wait, you called Kalyla to see if she could take the woman that you'd brought there out for a little bit, right?
Yeah, yeah.
But she knew this is your ex.
Yeah.
Right, but then I don't have a car there.
Okay.
So I'm like, geez, like, poor girl, she hasn't even seen the beach and they're in Hawaii and all he's taken her to is like...
Nice restaurant.
The best Korean on the island.
Fuck yeah dude, yeah dude.
And I could hear her in the background being like,
I wanna see stuff.
And I'm like, oh, okay.
So then I ask my boyfriend, I was like,
hey, this is a really weird request,
but like, can we take this girl out
like around the island for the day?
And he was like. He's like, ah we take this girl out, like around the island for the day? And he was like.
He's like, ah!
Yes.
Let me the fucking murder the fucking early up.
He's like, get me.
You stop biting my dick.
And I mean, I feel bad now, but I lied.
And I was like, yeah, and Bobby's sick,
which you were, but you kind of weren't that sick.
I was sick.
Okay.
Yeah, I had the vid.
And he was like, yeah, OK, sure.
So they pick her up, and she has the day of her life.
Weird.
Why do you even tell this story?
So when she got back, then what happened?
What do you mean?
Well, she comes back to your place.
She's like, I had the day of my life.
She showed me photos in the water.
Right.
We took her everywhere.
You guys had an amazing day. Yeah, she had never really been out in the Right. We took her everywhere. Everywhere. You guys had an amazing day.
Yeah, she had never really been out in the ocean.
You taught her everything.
Yeah.
She's like, Bobby's a good teacher.
You're the best.
Now this is a fucking teacher.
Bobby said there wasn't a beach in Hawaii.
What the hell?
There's a lot of them.
And by the way, like, I really like her.
Yeah, right.
She was such a great girl and it was so fun.
Did you guys all get dinner that night?
No.
We dropped her off and we never again.
What?
You guys don't see?
No.
It's wild.
The one time I met her boyfriend is the only circumstance.
How long ago is this?
Two months ago?
Before we get into that,
now I wanna know your advice.
Should I be setting up stronger boundaries for myself?
So quickly about our show,
the type of advice we do is like,
I ate deodorant and I barfed.
And we go like, that's a great question.
Okay.
You guys go deep, You don't go deep.
No, we do the dumbest stuff.
It's all big.
Yeah, so have a salt shaker ready for our next.
But I already know, but you guys are bright guys.
So just whatever your opinion is, say it.
OK.
OK, well, why don't we, I mean, your question
is essentially, do you think, do we
think there need to be harder boundaries in?
I think in a normal, well, in a normal break up, this isn't normal.
I know in a normal break up, you would go your own separate ways for a while.
At least you guys continue to do a podcast because it's awesome to watch.
This is a great podcast.
Well, no, it is very compelling.
So but normally you.
My my opinion would be you probably stop updating each other on your personal
life.
In terms of having a shared thing together, which is this, my real advice is no.
When he's in Hawaii with a new single mom, take her, fuck it up.
And when a new guy comes, if it's not this guy, he beats the fuck out of Bobby's dog.
Tell him.
And Bobby, look at Cameron threaten him.
We're looking for views here kids.
Remember old New Girl business?
He's a fucking money guy.
So this episode is sponsored by Rocket Money.
Hey, I don't even think you're allowed to do that.
But yeah, Rocket Money.
Bills you don't want cash more.
So the one time I met her boyfriend,
and this is the only circumstance I would do it,
so I was doing a show with Tom Segura.
Yeah, right.
What was the place called?
Oh, you mean the Blaisdell Arena?
Yeah, yeah, big arena.
Sure.
Probably 8,000 seats, I don't know.
Yes, massive.
Right, I killed first.
So I went on stage.
He invited.
Oh, you guys went and saw him.
Yeah, so he invited me, my friends,
and the guy that I'm seeing.
And what does this new guy do?
Is he a standup?
No, no, he is a normie.
Normie, he's a normie, right.
So for him, he's like, great show.
Yeah, great.
And he saw Bobby come out,
and he was laughing his heart out.
He loved it.
He was like, oh my God.
Oh, don't say that.
He was, he was like, oh my God.
Everyone was laughing.
He had such a great set.
I shouldn't laugh so hard, the doctor said I'm not allowed
to belly laugh for a little while.
It rips my dick from Julio's terrible mind.
Once the reattachment's finished.
So then after my set, while Tom was on stage,
I went into the crowd.
And then I snuck up behind him, sat in the row behind her,
and I kind of tapped his shoulder, I think.
And I put my hand out and we kind of did a handshake.
You and him?
Yeah.
But you have a warmness towards this guy.
I've never, I don't know his name.
That was it.
That was the only interaction I ever had.
He doesn't want to know anything.
You don't want to know anything.
No, I'm getting better at it.
So now in my mind, so we're doing a show in Hawaii
in two weeks.
Yeah.
Buy tickets. I didn't invite him because I wasn't sure you know what
Bobby have him on stage have him on stage do this on stage in Hawaii 15
minutes ten minutes of jokes and are you doing this show in Hawaii yeah it's a
game show it's a game show we do's a game show. We do a Tiger Belly game show.
Get his fucking ass up there so you guys can talk about
seeing him.
It's Jake, it's a little too much.
Let me just say what.
I'll back off, I'll back off.
I'm getting excited, I'm getting excited.
I'm like hanging out with the algorithm.
It's just so Jake, right?
It's too much, okay.
At first I was like, I don't want him there.
Right.
All right.
Now I'm open to the idea for him being there.
I think he should be there.
He lives there, he loves you, you know what I mean?
And then, um.
That's sweet.
Yeah, that is sweet.
I think, you know, I think I could, like,
have him around and not really have a hug fast.
Are you bringing a woman?
No.
No.
And I'm gonna just.
But the first time that I did meet rural mom
Yes.
Was at a Tiger Belly show
and in the green room right before we were about to go up.
And I was like, honestly, she's gorgeous
and she was so great and vibrant.
I was like, oh fuck, she's amazing.
And it did hurt me, it stung a little bit
to see how great she was.
And you know what, I think I want to do it.
Do what?
I want to have him come backstage.
No, no, no, that's too far.
I think that we're both not at the same level of acceptance.
But meaning what?
But meaning what?
What does that mean? You're not at the.
So you're more accepting than Bobby. Yeah. So how it works now is that he's able to tell me everything and I somehow
can handle it and I he
doesn't that's a I'm not allowed to say anything sir I think you sir Jake I'm
so glad you guys are here for this we've not really squashed any of this to talk
about it all right so here's the thing okay okay? My problem is this, is I'm not in a committed thing with anybody.
Right, they're not my girlfriend.
They're completely different.
Very different.
Yeah, I mean, kind of a relationship.
Oh, because she's in love with somebody.
Yeah, my thing was just, I'm just playing around right now.
You know, if the rural mother lived in LA, right?
Who knows, maybe, but anyway.
Oh, bad timing.
Bad timing, oh.
Oh, but, but, but.
My problem is.
But this is Maury, man.
We just do one thing.
She's intimate, like, you know, committed.
Right.
Which is different.
Fundamentally different.
It's completely different.
No, but see, he always knew me as not someone who would ever just like, you know
Fucking catch dicks left and right like not a dick bite or like the dog. I'm not
So you're saying it didn't matter because you weren't doing it anyhow, so the jealousy the jealousy is
That she found a person. Yeah, right and I have nobody
That's the that's that's where the pain is interesting. I have nothing. And that's where the pain is.
I have nothing.
And that is difficult.
That is a harder position to be in.
I understand why you would feel like a level of sensitivity.
The floor is yours.
And I also haven't really even come close to it.
So it's like...
So yours is yours.
Do you want?
Yeah, that's what I was gonna ask you.
Do you keep down?
I do.
Is it something, I feel like maybe it's,
you've been pretty choiceful about that.
You've wanted to play around for a while.
I mean, that's what you said.
That's what you gotta do after a long-term relationship.
Those who jump right away are maniacs.
I agree.
No, I'm much more pickier.
There's a lot more check,
bock, bock, check, what is it? Check list. Check list, thank you, thank you, Jake. There's more of a check box, check, check, check, check, check, check,
check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check,
check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check,
check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check,
check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check,
check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check,
check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check,
check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check,
check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check,
check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check,
check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check,
check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check,
check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check,
check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check,
check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, It's a complex life. It's different than other people's lives and I have they have that I have to have the checklist and how would
you feel if
The Bobster fell in love with somebody I would be so protective of her
Just because I protective of him know her because it is
Yeah, like as girl code code, just be like,
hey, like, this is gonna be, like, tough.
Like, let me give you some pointers.
Advice for you, advice for you,
when you meet a lady,
church and state.
What she's gonna be saying to you,
she just told you, she's gonna go,
oh my god, this woman's gonna go,
I love Bobby, and she's gonna go, so did I. Can I talk to you about it?
I love you, Bobby.
You're right.
You're absolutely correct.
Oh, Jake.
And then she's going to look at it.
Then your cute little things, she's
going to start going like this, I'm out of here.
I'm out of here.
Next thing I know, she's like, I can't see you.
Yes.
And you're going to go long.
I'm going out with Kali Leonard Boynton.
I'm friends with his ex, the girl that he dated before me.
And it felt so nice for someone to be like, girl, I get it.
You can't do that on day one!
Day one, bitch!
Oh!
Jerry! Jerry!
Oh, you generosity bitch!
Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm Steve, I'm wearing the black shirt!
I just don't have big muscles!
She gets why I was so in love, but also so devastated.
Devastated of what?
During the relationship?
No, it's just like Bobby is so beautiful
and it's like he's so like everybody is magnetized to him
And he's just this like like just his own little prototype of someone you'll never meet again
because it's like he's him and him only and
Yeah, I fell deeply in love with a very chaotic person and I think that in itself, you know
You don't come out of that unscathed. Hmm. And so she gets it like I'm Morbius or something
You know I mean so I'm higher half
Like no, but she got it. She was like look like I I fell in love with the same thing and it's so what would you say?
Could we do on our shows we do a lot of reenactments. Uh-huh. You're you
Gareth you're welcome. I know you is
Bobby's new girlfriend.
I love the art.
Bobby and I just went out to have a smoke.
You're alone with his new girl.
Are we playing ourselves?
Yeah.
We're not in the scene very much.
We'll do your scene after.
Yes, our scene after.
So Gareth, he's your new girlfriend.
And then you're her boyfriend then.
I'm her boyfriend.
Yeah.
You just hold your dick a lot. But then maybe. her boyfriend then. I'm her boyfriend. Yeah. Just hold your dick a lot.
But then maybe, will you confide in me
about something like simple?
OK, sure.
Yeah.
All right.
You guys are not here.
I'll just make a name.
We're not here.
I got to do the scene right.
We have to walk away, so I'm going to call you Jimmy.
OK, yes.
Tell me that marriage is really important for you.
No, we're not married yet. I know, I know. Jimmy still has to go have a cigarette. I'm just giving him yes. Tell me that marriage is really important for you. No, we're not married yet.
I know, I know.
Jimmy still has to go have a cigarette.
I'm just giving him some tips.
Tell him marriage is really important.
We're not married yet, great.
Marriage is really important for you
and that you'd love to have that happen
in the next year and a half.
Okay, great.
But not yet, not yet.
No, no, we're all hanging out or whatever.
I don't know how.
Background, real good.
Let's start with a laugh, like someone told a joke.
We just finished watching your show.
No, no, wait, wait. I was already ready. Wait, wait, real good. How about let's start with a laugh like somebody told us to do. We just finished watching your show. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, too much.
Are you looking for?
Yeah.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Jimmy, thanks man. Hey, you wanna go have a cigarette? What?
Let's start from the top
because your laugh is too much right now.
My laugh's kind of the whole thing.
All right, so I'm gonna say three, two, one.
Can I laugh or what?
We'll all laugh at the same time.
I guess he's the new Mo, huh?
Yeah.
Maybe it's me.
Maybe it's you, you son of a bitch.
You just moved me.
Oh!
All right, so we're gonna all laugh,
and then you and I will have conversations.
So three, two, one.
Oh my God!
Oh my God!
That's unbelievable.
Hey Jimmy.
It's good to laugh.
It is.
Hey Jimmy.
Yeah, yeah.
Let's go have a cigarette, Jimmy. Okay, man. Hey, man. Great show. Great show. Much respect, man. Aloha, brother. He's really limping. Sorry, man. All right, but stop doing this. Aloha means hello and goodbye. It means hello and goodbye.
Mahalo.
Mahalo.
Mahalo.
Mahalo.
Mahalo.
All right, man.
Shaka brah.
All right.
I got to go to the North Shore, man.
Let's go.
I love hidden waves.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Yeah, yeah.
Let's take a look.
It's like fucking a five-hour drive, but let's go.
I need a poke bowl, man.
I'm so hungry, man.
I don't know what you're talking about.
I know a good acai bowl.
You like acai?
You're a good teacher, man.
Jesus Christ, that was insane.
They wouldn't leave.
That was really crazy.
I mean, the amount of food they started talking.
Jimmy seems great, but he's obsessed with being from Hawaii.
Hey, man, I just came back.
Oh, go! Get out!
I came back to get her lighter.
We forgot the lighter. Anyway.
He's not too Hawaiian, okay? You never heard lighter. Oh, why? We forgot the lighter anyway. I love you. Yeah, but he's not too light, okay?
I never heard you what you said, all right?
So he's just picking himself up.
All right, chagrin.
Aloha means hello in Galat.
Yeah, aloha.
All right.
All right.
Okay.
Oh boy, I hope they didn't forget anything else.
That was really difficult to do twice.
That was intense.
I'm really tired.
But it's so great to finally meet you.
Bobby, I was obviously a big fan of the show
before I started dating Bobby, so.
Oh, you were?
I didn't know that
Yeah, yeah, I think so. Yeah, so do you know a lot about our like inner workings of our relationship?
I mean just a little bit but I really want it
I don't want to seem like a threat or anything like that
Like I'm just really glad to meet you know, like, you know, we've been broken up for two years
I know I'm happy to see him like move on with someone really well, I know I'm right
I'm loving every minute of it obviously like hey, babe
We gotta get in the cab
Six cigarettes
Jimmy seems like
No, it's just you know know, I'm really happy.
I meant for her to talk.
There's a goddamn thing I have to say.
Come on, Jimmy.
Jesus Christ.
I'm hollow.
I really, I want him to get married.
Jesus.
There you go.
Happy, Jimmy?
Have you guys talked about it?
Does he know this?
I've brought it up, but he doesn't really seem like he's into talking about it too much.
And how important is marriage for you?
Very important.
And do you have a time frame in mind?
About a year and a half.
Oh, okay.
Well, I can say this from my own experience,
and I don't know if you wanna hear this,
if this is helpful at all.
I mean, it is helpful.
I know Jimmy's kinda rushing you,
which seems like a terrible character trait,
but go ahead.
You know what I mean?
He seems very demanding.
Go ahead.
He might be on the, a little bit of the, Oh, Devil's Dandruff. A little excited tonight. Yeah, yeah, it seems. But he seems very demanding
Why is the door still I
Think him and I did a lot of things wrong and I don't think he's gonna make those same mistakes with you. Although I will say that after a decade of being with him
and after talking about marriage
and thinking he was gonna propose, he never did.
I don't think that's in his wheelhouse.
So if that's something that's really important for you,
I would almost take the lead
and just have that direct conversation
and pick a ring and just tell him to buy it
and just sort of like hand hold him through the experience
Or else he's never gonna
Organically do it for some force him into America
Yeah, Jimmy are you okay you feel like a different person
We should go I don't want to be around that guy
That's so fucked up cat. I'm a good show. Let's go man.
Aloha means goodbye forever.
As time goes on, he returns to more Hawaii.
Or Cholo.
I went to international school.
My accent from all over the place.
Like Anthony Keaton.
So that's the thing.
You would say in the end,
if marriage is important,
because do you think if you would have done that,
things would have ended differently?
I love how you're still throwing the shot.
I'm an actor, man.
I don't even know myself. I am this guy.
I think that he, that's something that he wants.
It's just that he's such an
ADD kid, like he needs someone to just do that.
Like take the lead if someone wants it that bad.
And I wanted it to happen organically.
I was being corny about it, but no, if you want it.
Oh yeah.
This is Gareth House.
I do want it.
But if you, do you think if you would have been aggressive
and got a ring, you guys would have got married?
Yeah, because I think it was right before he left for Hawaii, oddly enough. He was packing his bags and got a ring, you guys would've got married. Yeah, because I think it was right before
he left for Hawaii, oddly enough.
He was packing his bags and he was like,
hey, on his way out, he was like, plan a wedding.
And I was like, oh, I don't think that's how this works.
It's a sweet proposal.
Yeah.
And so I was like, oh, I was like,
and so I reached out to a jeweler eventually.
So I was like, oh, maybe this is something
that we could just do backwards,
because it's just not in his wheelhouse
to like get down on one knee.
I don't think he wants to do that.
So if the next girl, just make that shit happen.
Don't do what I did and just fucking wish
for something to happen, make it happen.
Yeah, I don't know if the next,
I would say that you gotta let her come
to that realization, that would be my-
Bobby thoughts.
There's a lot going on there. Yeah, I don't know, man. That's a lot. It's a lot. That would be my... Bobby thoughts.
Yeah, I don't know man. That's a lot. It's a lot. That's a lot. I don't know. You know, I know you're probably right, you know
Yeah, are you tired?
We were out there doing
No, I it's serious no, it's uh
Yeah, you kind of you question why I'm like that. I am like that.
I, that, but that-
And so it's like, now I'm going in within myself and looking at my character and why
I behave in certain ways.
But to what you said before, I do think a lot, like you said, you have a unique position,
a unique life.
Like it obviously allots a different existence. and one that you probably really enjoy.
Which I understand why you would not wanna fuck that up.
Yeah, but I also, I don't know, I mean I look at certain guys
and I wanna name names, but we know some guys
that are comics and actors who are forever bachelors.
You know what I mean?
And I talk to them as well and I don't think I'm that.
Yeah, I get that.
That, totally.
Is there a part of it, though, that's appealing for you?
Or were you like, oh, I think I could do that for a while?
I was at somebody's house once, a pretty big guy,
and forever single.
And he had sort of like a get together
with a bunch of guys watching a fight as we do.
And I was leaving and I was the last guy out of the house and I was walking up the driveway or whatever. I looked back and there's a giant window into his living room and he was just sitting there
just not even looking at the TV kind of slouched over. And? And I went, oh. Totally.
He's like, the window's open, dude.
I know exactly what you mean.
I can hear you.
Yeah, yeah.
And it was, and I thought to myself,
I don't know if I want that.
Yeah.
You know, I don't know about that.
But you also wanna like, you know, it's like anything.
I mean, it's like, if it's a gamble,
you wanna prolong the good part as long as possible,
but then also walk away when you're up.
And you kind of are like, it's very easy with standup
to be like, you can keep that party going.
But like you're-
Well, Garth, how old are you?
44.
Right, so you're getting up there.
Well, not with the moustache.
Yeah, yeah.
No, yeah, for sure.
I mean, and I know you're seeing somebody right now,
but you're kind of in this position that I'm in,
in a weird way, right? Do you see yourself, because I know, Jake, you're married somebody right now, but you're kind of in this position that I'm in, in a weird way, right?
Do you see yourself,
because I know, Jake, you're married and have kids, right?
But do you see yourself with kids and finding that one?
I don't know about kids.
The kids thing I don't, does not appeal to me.
The idea of not being single
and finding someone you love is appealing.
But it wasn't five years ago.
Right.
You know, 10 years ago it wasn't.
What was it 10 years ago?
Just to be single forever.
Right.
To be that guy, but then you do see the other side of that
and you go, oh yeah.
Like when you're on the road
and you're in these fucking hotel rooms alone
and you are really just like, this is kind of weird.
It does get kind of fucking weird
and the older you get, the weirder it gets.
Yeah.
And the more that when you feel support,
even if it's not from someone directly beside you,
it's really helpful to kind of keep yourself
in an emotionally stable position.
Yeah.
Just back to what you, and I want to ask both of you this,
okay?
This is gonna sound strange, what I want to ask.
Have you heard the last hour and a half?
I know.
We're in a good zone.
I don't want wanna go anywhere.
This sounds strange.
It's...
So sometimes when I'm at a comedy club,
I don't walk around and think about what I do for a living
or who I supposedly am or whatever that means, you know?
I feel pretty normal, right? But then sometimes like, you know, when I'm at or whatever that means, you know? I feel pretty normal, right?
But then sometimes like, you know,
when I'm at a club especially,
because, or a show that me and Andrew are doing,
and all our fans are like in one area, right?
And you know, what I'm gonna ask you is this,
is that I don't feel like who people think
that I should be,
like a star or, you know what I mean?
Yeah, well you are a very normal.
What do you feel?
Jake, do you know that you're an actor
and people know who you are and you have all these things?
Or are you just Jake and just walking around in life?
I think they're two separate things.
So at home, absolutely. I'm not a big star in my
house. Okay. I've been with my wife since before I started acting. Wow. It's a different thing. I was
with her when she was a bartender at Cat in the Fiddle and I worked at the Hollywood Park Casino
as a third party player. We've been together for, you know, so in our reality, she was with me when
I was doing commercials and grinding up. Right. I had a big turn when new girls started where I was
In we went back to Chicago for that first Thanksgiving after it started Aaron. I'm going to some museum. She's an artist
I don't even remember the name because I was just so bored
Yeah, and there was three teenage girls walking around and everywhere I would go they would go and I didn't realize yet that they'd
Recognized me I might have been a little stoned
But I just got really paranoid.
And it was the beginning of me realizing like,
oh, my old world is gone.
If I go into a restaurant, I'm not George Clooney,
the place isn't gonna shut down.
But most people are familiar with me.
So I'll get a lot of like,
the waitress will just be a little bit warmer.
So I'm very aware that I can never go back.
That thing turned.
I think that's what I'm talking about.
That thing is now, you cannot put it back in the box.
Like it or not like it, there are days
when you're not in the mood, you just want to go
get someplace, you're still the same person
and that is a deal you made.
So that's the deal with the devil in my opinion.
But home is not that.
Okay, how about you?
Well mine is different because mine is like if I'm at the club I feel that heightened
version of it.
That's what I'm saying. That's where you feel it the most.
You feel it, yeah.
Like you go, ooh, ooh la la.
And you do. You get like people will give you like their best, you know, you get like
a lot of meaningful conversations happen in a consolidated amount of time. But no, I think for the most part,
like that connection to people through what you do
is so vastly different from basically what Jake is saying,
like when you're home or the people
who are in your direct world,
none of that really changes.
So to me, yeah, go ahead.
Well, because I recently went on a date with one girl
and she kept saying, well, you're Bobby Lee,
so you don't know what it's like.
You know what I mean, what I'm going through. I'm like bitch
What are you talking about? And you've struck like you like you're saying you've grind it like I forget how much you grind
I know a life get to where you are
But it is different and I will say this and I remember when I first moved out at one of my first buddies who was
Working was Mike Sarah. Oh and thank you
Not a fan.
You're not a fan of Mike Cera? I love him.
Really?
Yeah, he's an amazing.
So we're this guy to not be a fan.
I just wanted to say.
You could have been anybody.
But I remember when it was super bad era,
the way people treated him was very different
than the way people treated me.
And I know I was like, oh, everywhere you go,
the light's a little brighter.
And I do realize now, I am living in a little bit
of that galaxy.
If I go to a place, the waitress, it's a little nicer.
But here's why, because I was on Matt TV for eight years.
A little bit of light, right?
But then it dims. It almost goes out.
And I lived through that as well.
So now that it's bright again, I'm not in that light.
Because I know that that thing will just fucking die.
When you lose it, you realize it's not everything.
Yeah, it's not everything.
One of the cutest memories I have
was when we went out on a first date.
And he insisted on, we went to one coffee shop
and I don't think anyone recognized him there so he was like, well let's try another coffee
shop.
No wait wait wait wait, stop stop stop.
You think I moved Pot Top?
Oh you did, absolutely.
Let's not put this out there, this is fucking crazy.
No it's so cute.
There's another coffee bean four miles away.
No no no, this is so cute.
Not even.
Why would I say, oh I'm not getting recognized at this coffee bean?
Bobby, honestly, like it's, I think of it like in a very endearing, warm way.
Well, let's give it a try.
Because right now it's dark.
It may be a day in, but it might get cut.
And then you kind of like, you gave it away too, because we finally go into, he spots
a skate shop and he was like, I think. That's a kid that works in there that knows Mad TV.
And so we go into skate shop and some kid comes over
sure enough and he was like, hey dude, are you Bobby Lee?
Can you hear me?
Leave me alone, I don't, I'm a regular person.
I'm a skater, I skate.
I'm just a regular man.
So going back in terms of the advice,
you gotta keep her away from your new lady.
And I don't have a dog in this fight.
I know, I know, I think you're right.
You gotta keep it separate.
She's gonna kill you, my man.
Yeah, she's gonna kill me.
She's a destroyer.
And so he takes a picture,
and then what you said was really cute afterwards,
which you were like, oh my God, thank God.
I only get validated from this,
I'll never fall in love and I'll never love a woman.
Something like that, I'm paraphrasing.
Put that all out.
That fills the dark pit for another 10 minutes.
It's not endearing, it's a piece of shit.
You outed yourself right after, you were like,
I really needed that.
No, no, no, no, no, I don't care, I don't care.
I needed that.
But is it possible, is it possible?
I'll sabotage.
Is it possible?
That wasn't endearing.
I thought it was cute.
You look like a shithead.
You probably changed since then.
Bobby, leave that.
No, fuck you, Gareth.
Don't get on our fucking...
You cut that out or we're done.
I will shut this fucking...
Bobby, leave it.
No, no, we're not leaving it.
Bobby, leave.
Yeah, give me a real endearing.
That was endearing.
Oh, god damn it.
Okay, another thing he did.
Oh, okay, go.
So...
Signed an autograph to himself. Oh, no. Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Is that injury?
No, it is.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
He wanted to kind of come off as this very eccentric artist.
Oh, my God.
This is a bad start.
This is bad.
Go ahead.
So what he would do is we would be driving
and he would like, he would like pretend like he had tics and would like
Talk to himself and he and I know I now I know like this wasn't normal for him at all
Cuz he doesn't as soon as you know, like over the years. I was like, I've never seen those tics or
And then
He just wanted to I think he like romanticized the idea of being this like just really weird artist guy.
He wanted you to fall in love with him.
Yeah, which I fell for.
I was like, oh, this guy's so fucking weird.
I promise you Bobby.
It worked, it worked.
Ticks work all the time.
Now what is something that,
what was really endearing about her when you first started?
She gave two endearing things. What'd you say? I'll tell you the most
endearing thing. That first coffee shop, okay, because I had been on dates before.
I would hope so. Maybe it was his first one. I would say they've been together about ten
years. He said 52. I mean I no Einstein, but I can do some math.
In fact, the Jake that came into this room has changed.
Really, you're more confident, and you're more like...
I'm invested.
Like we're broke.
Now I really like you.
Go back to the old Jake, okay?
In this new version.
This is Mo from 3Sql.
I'm going to be calling into your show every week.
Come.
You have to.
You have relationship problems.
But so you started dating.
So with the first date, so you sat,
we were on this couch.
You sat super close to me.
That's nice.
And you looked at me.
Like you weren't distracted by whatever was going on.
You were really engaged in what
I was saying and who I was and all that stuff. And I had never met somebody like that. You
know what I mean? It was like pure interest.
I was interested.
Yeah. Yeah. It was. Yeah. So let's not talk about the past about this.
And I think I took out a little eye booger.
Yeah. Yeah. You put it. Okay.
So that's kind of the nice. All right. Nice. So where do people check out your podcast?
We're here to help anywhere you can get, but yeah.
There it is, look.
Yeah, there it is.
Yeah, I go to coffee shops.
I'm trying to get the profile up a little bit, so I'll be there.
Yeah, yeah.
And yeah, you can listen to where you're at.
It's been a lot of fun.
It's a call and advice show, and as you can see,
it's we're OK at it.
And you guys seem like a great duo.
We've been friends for a long time.
Oh really?
Yeah, we've been friends for a long time.
We started, we were doing improv together
when we both kinda came up at around the same time.
Oh wow.
We were friends with a lot of the same people.
Then he got really in, he does the doll up,
and got really into podcast,
and has been talking about him for a while
and saying we should do one together.
Well just cause as you can see,
I was like you will murder. He's so good at it. He was like you murder a lot of us. You're so good at it do one together. Yeah. Well, just because as you can see, I was like, you will.
He's so good at it. He was like, you're so good at it.
Yeah. You guys are.
This is I know we know.
Look at the numbers.
But I honestly,
I'm excited for you guys.
A lot of today, I'll be honest, was the most fun I've had in a very long time. I think very.
I've had fun in all of them,
and I appreciate all the guests that's come through.
But this was-
I listened to two episodes of you guys' podcast.
One, you answered a question about how you helped a woman
gain more nerd clout.
Yes, the pilot.
Which I thought was super cute.
The second one was about a man named Santos, who a kid-
So you started at the beginning.
Beginning.
I recommend anybody who's listening to start,
start at the most recent.
So why?
Because we were just figuring it out.
And the show, what I love about podcasts without executives
and without a network is it can keep changing and growing.
And you can kind of figure out what it is.
So I feel like the early shows were a lot of fun,
but we didn't, we're just starting to find
what the thing is.
So those calls, I really liked the callers were really great,
but I am starting to feel, and Garfin I will talk about,
we're like, oh, now we're finding what the fucking show is.
And what's fun is you're like, oh, these podcasts
can keep changing and evolving and growing
and becoming something all new organically.
And I didn't know that about them.
And you can, the things that work, throw out the stuff
that doesn't, try new stuff.
We would have guests on at first
and we thought at the beginning,
we don't wanna do interviews.
I was like, I don't wanna do 30 minutes
of how'd you become an actor.
There's enough of those, I don't wanna do them.
And then we would, while people were there,
you're like, oh, fun, you're here with us.
We wanna ask you, but we were doing them during the calls.
Then we realized like-
So the caller would be like, anyway, so I crashed the car
and I can't tell him.
And they're like, all right.
Okay, so you were on the office.
And then so we started then doing like,
oh, we're going to interview at the end,
but that was only like two episodes ago.
And once you changed something, we're both like,
oh, that felt better.
So there could be a world where maybe I could do it.
We've invited both you guys.
No, you haven't.
Yes, we have.
Really?
Yes.
I don't know who you called, not me.
Whoever was emailing with us.
I texted you about it once.
Let me look.
No, don't.
It will be there.
I don't think it will be there.
100% it will be there.
Yeah, we'd love to be on.
I have so much more this relationship.
There it is, Gareth Reynolds.
This was, yeah.
He goes, good to see you last night, man.
Oh yeah.
What is that?
Oh!
Oh!
Oh yeah, anyway, anyway.
Great gig.
Yeah, great gig.
Special Ed teacher and Bobby's assistant. I'll be your assistant. Can you get me some coffee? No, I'm working
Anyway guys, what a pleasure. What a pleasure. I'd love to do it and call Melanie and
If we can get in touch with them. Yeah, and I honestly that was so much fun. Oh, dude
We'd love to have a laugh so hard. Give them a round of applause guys Yeah, and I honestly that was so much fun. Oh dude I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man