TigerBelly - Jiaoying Summers Banned from TikTok

Episode Date: April 26, 2023

Bobby is a male sex slave. Jiaoying survives the dumpster. Khalyla receives a banana lashing. We talk comedy clubs, Chinese-Jewish dating apps, pirate whores, Korean 7.5, and mall titty twisters.

Oh, we could do pre. I love a good pre. I love pre-com. Do you love? Do you like pre-com? Yeah, let's just start and then do the countdown. We'll start. Yeah. Yeah. No, I'm kidding. Everybody's a kung fu fighters. No, I don't know why we're doing that. Listen, guys, I'm Korean and that's how you say it. I'm Asian. You think you're like the superior Asian? Yeah, I'm this. Well, no, China's pretty high up there. But that's because Eddie Wong checked your app. He did. And there's just more people. So, you know, war were fucked. Yeah. But anyway, you know, back in the 90s, 95, I started comedy. There was only, you know what I mean? Maybe two gongs, you know what I mean? That were doing it with me.

I've never heard that reference. Asian humans. I'm gonna. Okay. There are only two gongs doing it with me. One guy was Joe Coy. Yeah. I mean, he's, you know, your type of gong. And the other one was this guy named, I don't want to say his name, an older Chinese guy. And. Oh, is it Wally? Yeah. But he's a great. Don't say, cut that out. Shout him out, Wally Wong. It's the rocket guy, right? To the moon. No, that's Peter Chen. Oh, there was a third. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. How about Peter Chen was in LA? Peter Chen was in LA, right? But that's Peter Chen, right? And what about Margaret? Yeah, but she was in LA where I started in San Diego. People I met, right? To my out, there wasn't something. There's a bunch of gongs. Okay,

I lied. A lot of gongs, right? But, you know, some of the gongs, you know, when they did comedy, you know, they, they relied on their, they had real accents, but that's how they were getting laughs, right? When I see this girl perform, right? Literally, I look at her and I go, Oh, she's a real comedy force. She's funny, right? She's crazy like I am. She really is. There's something going on that's missing or something, right? And I've always really liked her. Jaoying, Jaoying, Jaoying, Jaoying Summers. Jaoying Summers. Hello. Hello. Hello. Ni hao. Ni hao. So Jaoying, well, what does that mean? Korean. Oh, that was Korean. But don't do a fucking Chinese spin on it because it comes out weird. Jaoying, can I,

well, can I just, I don't want to say that concept. Can I just call it Jaoi? Like a chai tea? Like, like chai tea? Yeah. Yeah. It's so hard for you to say Jaoying. Jao is okay. Jao. Jao? Jao is fine. Jao is fine? Yeah. Okay. And you can call me Ba. Jao means dumplings. Oh, it does? Yeah, Barbie in Chinese means Barbie. Ba means eight. B means pussy. So eight pussy. Right? Li means inside. So you got eight pussy inside. Oh, eight inside what? A pussy? It means eight. Eight pussy inside. Oh, eight? Oh, eight. Not eight. Like eight. Right. Eight pussies inside. Yeah, Li means inside. So Barbie is eight pussy. Li means,

Barbie Li means eight pussy inside. That's crazy. That's crazy. And you know what? I learned something new today and I know why you came today. I did not know that. But anyway, um, how long you've been doing comedy? Um, three and a half, almost four years. Yeah. So you've, you've really kind of risen in a short period of time. Yeah. When I started in two months, I bought a club, a comedy club on Maros, so I can do it every day. Just like the Chinese people would do. Okay. Wait, wait, wait. I literally didn't understand a word you said. So let me just see. Can we have caption? I might need caption. Or we could do like those kung fu movies and do like, you know, dubbing. We'll dub it. We'll dub it. No, honestly, that was so easy to understand.

Yeah. But you have to also understand too, is that I, I, I hear Chinese like in an accent. What do you mean? What do you mean? It is Chinese. I know what I'm saying is that when somebody's doing an accent, my brain is also an, you know what I mean? Just the filters. Forget it. Forget it. Forget it. We won't forget it. Gilbert understood. I understood. Everyone said you started a comedy club. Where? I, I, I started doing open mic in a few months. Then I feel like there's not enough time. So I bought a comedy club on Maros Avenue in Hollywood. Maros and Coonga. What's it called? The Hollywood comedy. There's no, what? It's just the heart of the comedy with the accent. The heart of the comedy. Yeah. That's it. That's the name. Hollywood comedy. How come I've never

been played it? It's not big enough for you. Oh, come on. You should do one. You should come by. How many seats is it? It's like a 45. It's just like, I love it. So I can try new jokes there. Yeah. You can do whatever. It's, it's, it's very popular. It's for the, for the underground comedy thing is we are booked every, every day. I have open back every daytime and a Friday, Saturday, Sunday is shows and Sunday nights is the 30th, 30 minute show. So Jonathan kind of did it. Jamie Kennedy did it. And tonight is Joe Wong and me. Okay. I thought I heard Jonathan Kite, Jamie Kennedy and Joe Wong. Yeah. That's it. Did I got it right? That's good. So now I'm back. So you're back. Yeah. The filter's right. I train him to listen to Chinglish. Oh, that's it. That's

it. Yeah. That's great. Um, so, um, is summer's a Chinese name? I don't, I've never heard of summers. It's a stage name. It was, it was whole, but then I, um, my ex-husband's name is Xia. Xia means the summer. Then I can't call my name Jiao Yin Xia. So it's just like, it's, it's already too much. So I just thought I would make it English. So it means summer. Then I said summers. Anyways, my bad. Can I say something? And I made an assumption about you. Yeah. I literally thought you'd married a white guy named Alex Summers or something. I, I didn't, I, I didn't do that to myself. Yeah. So the, so the, your ex-husband is China, Chinese. He's Chinese, China from Shanghai. That's the Asian you should hate. They are not good people. Shanghai needs. Why? Shanghai needs are

the disgrace of Asians. They bring, they bring shame to us because they are the men who is cheap. The Asian men are not cheap. The Asian men pay for everything and the Shanghai needs to be like. Yeah. Okay. Let me ask you something. I'm very curious about it. I'm going to throw you some Asian, you know what I mean? And you give me one through 10 of how you feel about the race. Yes. Do you want to play this game? Yeah. Okay. Can I also comment? You can comment as well. Okay, cool. Yeah. Let's, let's make the game up together. Yeah. Okay. So let's go with Korean one through 10. I would give Korean a 7.5. Fuck, great. Not great husbands. Because my hairdresser? Oh, yeah, yeah. Let's, let's do it through if you, in terms of marriage. Okay, okay. All right. Okay.

So 7, still 7.5 in the marriage history. Korean men? Yeah. Can I tell you why? First of all, they can be gay. They can dress me. The Korean men, not like, not sexually. They have the gay fashion. They have the gay fashion mind. Wait, wait, wait. The gay fashion. But what's this? Are they glasses? No, no way. They see things. They put a scarf on you. They would scarf you up. They layer you up. A gay fashion. A gay lens. A gay lens. In the lens, they would know how to dress you. Yeah, yeah. Because they have a taste. They are the only Asian men who have a taste left. Okay. Can I just, have I ever tried to dress you? I don't think I have. No, but we wear the same clothes. Oh, yeah, that's true. We have, we share our clothes. Yeah. She has to wear my clothes. Yes. Yeah.

She made it look amazing. Yeah. But what about like, in, in sexually, I think we're good or no? I think they are, Korean men are like very crazy. So I think they might be getting bad. Yeah. Because you see the Korean movies, right? Oh, yeah. Which one? The best movies, like, Old Boy. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, I think, I do that. I do that when I'm making love, dude. Oh my God. I think they'd be good in bed because they are so toxic in the movies. Yeah, yeah. That's how I come. Oh, that's great. Yeah. So 7.5. Yeah. As a husband and hairdresser, my hair dresser is the best. Okay. And he's happens to be Korean. Okay. Japanese. Oh, wow. I have my special on the Japanese NHK right now. Okay. So I would give Japan

6.8. What's the point? I love the like Asian specific point. Yeah. And why 6.8? 6.8, 6 means lucky, 8 means a lot of money. So that's a good number even though like, it's low. I say, I say, yeah. It's low, but it still means well. Yeah. I mean, the Japanese people, they, they are on time. You know, I'm always late. I mean, they are like Germans, you know, because, you know, they're on time. Yeah. That's why you can always rely on their cars. Yeah. Their cars is good. And they are on time. They know how to really kill something. Yeah. What do you mean? Like, you know, the German and the Japanese, you know, also you're saying back in the day, yeah, right in the back when they were crazy, right? They got together. Yeah. And they, you know,

me like to kill things together. Yeah. So if there's a war, my Japanese man is going to make sure, you know, I don't die because they are going to kill them. Yeah. Yeah. And then my Japanese man would make sure I'm on time to the Bobby Lee podcast. I see. And then the Japanese food, it's good. Yeah. I'm going to throw you a curveball now. Okay. Eskimo. And I don't think it's a, it's a Inuit. Are they Inuit? My bad. Wait, wait, they're not Asians? Do you want like Asian country? No, no, no, no. Let me stop. No, let's stop for a second. Okay. Then when I lived in Minnesota, right? And whenever it snowed, the white kids would get ice balls, right? And all yell, Eskimo. And they would throw fucking, you know what I mean? Ice cubes at my head. So they

were wrong. The white kids, the white kids were wrong about Asians. In my mind, I was like, oh, they're snow Asians. They look like us though. Yeah. So right. East Asians. Yeah. So you would still consider them Asians? I think I heard they are from China. They just traveled from China to wherever they are. They have our eyes. They have our skin. So I'm going to adopt Eskimos as Asians. So what would you rate them? I'm not going there. It's probably hard. It's zero. It's zero. I'm not going there. Oh, because it's too cold. It's too cold. I'm not going there. Okay. There's no, there's no stage. There's no champagne. There's no lights. I am a tension seeking whore. I'm not going to go to the ice cube. But I understand. But you know, your Holly, the comedy club,

you could do it in an igloo too. I don't want to go there. I want the tension. I don't want it. Okay. You have the tension for me. Okay. So let's get rid of them. Okay. And let's go to one last one. What do you think? What's a good one? Let's do Filipinos. Filipinos. I am very, okay. I'm going to give them like a 7.8. Oh, yes. Because for Korea, it's competitiveness because we look alike. You think you and I look alike? I have, I talk about you in my whole act. I think all Asian women, we are literally like, we have so many talents, so many talents, Asian women. We can, we can do your homework. We can fix your computer. We, we can do everything within good, good food. But also we can all take off our lashes and become Bobby Lee. I never thought of it that way. If I

don't have lashes on, I'm, I'm you. I can take this off and wear your bunny. I'll be you. You, you, yeah, you wouldn't. It's funny because I dated a Korean girl once and in the darkness, you know how your eyes get adjusted to the darkness, right? I went, mom, right? Because you could, it can form into whatever. It's like going into, you know what I mean, the house of mirrors at a fucking, you know, carnival or whatever, right? You go, oh, there's a fat version of me. You know what I mean? That's what, so I get what you're saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We will be the same person. So Filipinos don't look like you. They don't look like Asians. Also, like, I would never date a Filipino woman if I'm gay because they just, they are like the Asians, but having like, they become,

like, because they are mixed and then they just have more, the features we want to have, but we don't have. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, you know, they, like, all, like, they, all the Indians and the Filipinos, they are the, all the beauty queens, Miss World, Miss Universe. Oh, right. Our Chinky people, they, they don't wanna. Like, you look at this, like, you can just be like Miss China, but you never become Miss World, but the Filipino girls, they're just like, and they just, like, they are just the, and the Filipino man. That's our show. Yeah. Chinky people. We are the Chinky people. That's our TV show. People hate us. Like, they would think you are Chinese and spit on you, but they would never do that to her because she could be. She could be Mexican. She could be,

she could be like Jenny, Jenny on the block. Jenny on the block. Right. Right. Right. I never thought of it that way. Jenny. Right. So basically. Priyanka Chopra's sister. Exactly. But I, I'm mailing from Penn Express. I'm, I'm going to the subway. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. I never thought of it. To be fair, Chinese and Koreans do shit on Filipinos. Yeah, because. But we never out, never out loud, right? No, no, we don't say it in public. No, no, no public. Especially not in a bigger podcast in the world. We do it privately, babe. Respect. Respect. No respect. Yeah. But you know what is the, we can do this though. Be honest. Okay. We can do this. If something happens, like, uh, oh, Korea, you know what I mean? Attacked, you know what I mean?

Bangladesh or whatever. And, and, and Koreans were having a bad, you know what I mean? Rap, I could always say I'm Chinese. Yeah. And you can do the vice vice versa. I've been Japanese since, uh, she become the president. Right. Exactly. So we can do that. We can change in that way. Yeah. Right. And also like, you know, all the Indian friends, they, they, they, they, like, everybody's Indian after 9 11. All right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. They're like, I'm Indian. What are you talking about? But your last name is Amanda. Yeah. I swear to God, when, when Virginia Tech happened and that Korean guy shot up that school, I was literally fucking Chinese for a year. I was from China, Lee, Bruce Lee, Bruce Lee's from China.

Yes. Right. Was he not from China? He's from Hong Kong, but it's now it's China. They're not the same. Now it's the part of China. I mean, not taking the China controls Hong Kong. That's like a specific, but you know, I can't even like have a hot take about Vanessa Hudgens, because you know that she's like Filipino, right? Yeah. But she's never claimed it until now that she knows being Filipino is starting to become like this whole thing. And like, yeah, Darren, Chris, and like all of these people who are just like, like, all of a sudden she is doing like a documentary at home, like going to the Philippines with her mom and like finding her roots. And it's like, just slightly opportunistic. Cause I'm like, oh yeah, I don't know. It just

didn't sit right with me that now she's like fully claiming it. Or I'm like, you had, I mean, she did it at the right time. She's like, okay, this is the time to come out. I think she's a talented girl and whatnot. It's like the gaze, the gaze, right? Can I say the gaze? Yeah. I mean, it's back in the day, the gaze, right? Like Rock Hudson, right? He was one of the King gays in Hollywood, right? King gay. Was he not one of the King gays? He was King. Right. And he never came out, right? Because it was like, he wanted to work, right? If if Rock Hudson was loved today, you know, he would probably come out, right? Swanson did it. Yes. The thing is, she can be passed as Latino. Like if I look like this, I have to be a chinky girl. Like I'm like, I'm Filipino.

I'm Latino. They're like a no-bish. Yeah. Fuck up. You are, you are from, you are a chinky. Yeah. Yeah. You're anime Wang. Yeah. So what, so you got married before you did stand up? Yes. And then, so give me your background. Like when did you come to America? When did you do stand up all that? I want to know. I grew up in China in the 90s. And I didn't have a penis. So my father took me to dumpster, but it was good. Oh, that's not funny. Yeah. That was wild. I reacted in a weird way. Because you know, China has one child. I know, I know, I know. And that's why I was like, oh, yeah. I got dropped on the ground. My head hit the floor first. So I, so you're being real. Yeah. They didn't have the technology then to know what was going to come out, but gender.

It wasn't legal to have the ultrasound. They have baby at home. If you don't, you don't want to know. Right. You want to do gender. And then if it's a girl, it just, it died. And so, so your dad really dropped you off in the dumpster? He was on his way there, but he dropped me on the ground. I started crying. My mom was like, you know what? Fuck him. Keep her. She's ugly, but she's a fighter. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, okay. Good. Good. And you have the option, right? Like you can break the law, but you run the risk of losing your house, your job, her house, and her job. And also, like people who you know, they make it hard. They make sure your sister and your brothers also lose their job if you try to have a second baby. Oh my God. So it's like, you know, very

abusive. And people just don't want to be the problem of the family. And the Asian people don't want to bring trouble to other people. When they tried again, did they have another girl or a boy? They had another girl because, you know, she's not lucky. Yeah. But you know, but, but, but that, finally they had a son, but that background probably shaped your comedy. I think so, because even though I was alive, but every time I got a minus, my mom told me, I did not bring it back from the dumpster for a minute. Like, how do you know I'm actually telling me every Tuesday? Like, I know. I mean, I remember the first time I brought home a C. I'm a report card. C? A C. I'm, yeah, I know it's shameful, right? I got a C, right? And I

went into coma. And that's what I realized the C means, coma. When you get a D, it means death, right? And F, you know what F means? Fuck it, the whole family is going to die. Yes. Yes. Yeah. And A is average. Yeah. B is beatings. B is coma. D is death. F is fucking everyone. Yeah, that's so true. That's, you know, the way Asian parents look at the report card. It means something, the letter. Yeah, I feel like that's why people should leave the Asian hate to the Asians because you are not welcoming the Asian hate club. You don't have A plus. You have A plus across the board. Yeah. Consider it to enter the Asian hate club. That is true though. The most hate another Asian will endure is from another Asian. Yeah. Or your parents. Or your fucking family. Or your

parents. Yeah. Yeah. It's insane. So then when did you come to America? 2009. I came to Kentucky. Wow. Wow. Blended in. You went full blown off. Yeah. Nobody, you know, likes about going to Kentucky. Not Harvard. Louisville where? Lexington. Lexington with your husband. No, myself, 18 years old. I came here by myself. I want to become an actress. And then you went to the Mecca of Hollywood. The Hollywood Mecca of the world for Kentucky. I couldn't get in school play. I played the, I was in Wonderland. I played the tree stump because. You played a tree stump? Yeah, because my skin is too dark. Didn't you play like an inanimate object too? Yeah, I did. Wait, who did you play? Well, no, I don't remember that. You played a black kid. No, I played, I didn't play a black kid. No, no, what I said, what, no.

I didn't play a black kid. There were black kids at the school that were acting. But we're gonna go with this guy. No, what happened was I was in the sound of music. Oh, wow. Right. And I went to the director in high school and I said, can we change the lines? And he goes, why? Because every time Frawline Maria calls for the kids for the first time and they walk down the step, there's an applause break and laughter in the audience. Right. And I think that there's a disconnect, right? Because it doesn't look right. So can I say when I'm introducing myself, I'm Kurt, I'm adopted. Well, just change a little bit. I play out in the sun too much. Or whatever it might be so that it can make sense. Because the whole play, people would just laugh every time I was on.

Because the whole play is supposed to be white. Yeah, they're fucking Germans. Yeah, Germans. They're fucking Germans. That's why you didn't play a black kid. You played a German. I played a German. And I also play two different things. Yeah, I also play, yeah, yeah, yeah. That'd be interesting. You know, being black makeup and playing as Kurt as a German German. But you're the only one that would be interesting. Why is he doing black? Yeah, it's my choice. And I also played Huckleberry Finn. Yeah, Huckleberry Finn was another one where when I walked out with my fucking, you know, I mean, straw hat and overalls, the whole audience burst into laughter. You know what I mean? So it's like change the lines. That's still a step up from a tree stump.

Yeah, tree stump is, yeah, brutal. Yeah. Did you fly? No. You can't even improvise as a tree stump. But I can blink. Right. All right. You are not pretty. You just, you are too dark. You are not a pretty girl. You can't, it was so traumatizing. Then my, my cousin, my mom was like, you know, give, invest some money for her, like a video shop. I watched all the Hollywood movies, all the gorgeous dark woman. I'm like, Holly Berry is gorgeous. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hot. Like why am I ugly? They're like, Holly Berry is gorgeous, but she's black. She can be dark, but you are Chinese. If you are dark, you're ugly. I'm like, something wrong with you. Yeah, there's something wrong. I'm going to go to the world to see, I'm going to go to America.

And my mom won't let me go there. So I just, she said, you have to play school on your own. And I played a lot of schools. I got my first offer from Kentucky. Oh, and you went to Kentucky. I need a visa to, I mean, the offer to get a visa. Right. You graduated? I didn't. I left last semester. Why? I just like, I read a story about what his name, Brad Pitt. He left, left, left the last master to go to Hollywood to become an actor. I'm like, that's the trick. You live with the last master. You don't finish. Not the third one, the last one you, you leave. Yeah. Two different types of people, but sure. I feel it. I came here in 2013. LA. Start trying to act. Act. Was it hard? It's hard because it's so hard. The studying,

I studied with Howard Fine. He was amazing. I know Howard Fine. I love him. I love him too. I got his, in his master class, he let me, he let me study what he wanted me to do. Lady, make a bath. He's like, I'm going to make you or break you. You're going to do this or that. Yeah. Yeah. So I, I, I made him proud. He was happy. And then auditioning is harder. Sometimes I got a callback because they don't like my accent. They don't like my accent. Oh my God. So brutal. Much to play somebody who's fresh for the boat. I'm like, I am fresh for the boat. Yeah. It's like, you couldn't do like an English person probably. I can't do it. I can't try an accent. What's your British English? Like a British person. And like, I'm the,

okay. You go first. Yeah. The line is, um, I mean, where is the carriage? You say it. Where's the carriage? Where's the carriage? Not better. Pretty good. There we go. You sound different. It's different. You could play. Yeah. It's so hard. I remember watching my life is an audition for this show called, um, Rebel. It's John Singleton's TV show called Rebel. There's a Chinese girl. Uh, she's a sidekick of this, uh, black girl. She's a cop and she has this sidekick girl who is from Oakland. And I got the callback. I went there. I think I just like, I forgot. I was so nervous. I forgot my line. I started improvising and John Singleton started laughing. He walked toward me. He's like, you should do stand up. You should do stand up. And then he

go to me. He played Ollie Wang's baby cobra special. He said, that's what you should be doing. You are going to be very good at it. I mean, like, do I have the job now? He said, hell no. You're the one that you're from San Francisco. Hell no. Wow. And then I'm like, oh, I just left the crying because I don't know. There's a thing called a stand up. Then you didn't know what it was. I didn't know. In China, I just only know movie and like, I want to be an actress. I didn't know because there's no stand up in China. Never existed. There's no stand up in China. So they have it in Korea now. That's cool. It's new now. It's new. Yeah. Yeah. And then I just, he texted me. He got my number. He's like, I want to make sure you do your open mic.

That's what he said. Wow. John Singleton did. Yeah. And I still alive, right? He died. He died from running. That's why you eat burgers. That's why you were healthy. You were eating sandwich. Don't run. Oh, he ran. Bring aneurysm while running. Oh, wow. That's so sad. So sad. Yeah. So he texted me. I just said, thank you. I saw that was like, he's making fun of me. Like, you are not pretty enough to act. You should just be fine. No, I think for him to do that, to pull you aside and do that, he must have felt something, right? That this is something that I just need to say because this is what I see, you know, and I think that he was right, his instincts. He kept asking me. He never hit on me. We never, I just felt, I felt in everything.

I went to China. I hosted one of the event for Shanghai Film Festival. I met my Chinese husband. I'm like, I don't, I can't do acting. I'm not going to make it happen. So I just got married and I had a kid and my ex-husband was investing in movie. He tried to get me in movie in China, but then they said I should lose for 40 pounds and they said to lose 40 pounds. Bleach my skin. I tried to do it. I spent my whole life to be happy about my darkness and how I look, my big jaw. If I do that, I'll be a fraud to the Chinese girls. Like, I can't do it. Then I went back and John Seagorn asked, did you do an open mic? I said, fuck it. That's the only thing I have left. I'm not doing my open mic. Is this after your first kid? Yeah. Then I realized

that I love it and I also feel like I suck. Like, what do we see in me? Like, I bombed the first open mic. I'm like, it's the hardest thing you can do. He said, you need 10,000 hours before you can actually think about it. I'm like, I start running all over LA. I can do three open mic a day. I'm like, I need to buy a place. So I drove on arrows. I saw this clothing shop saying sublease. I went in, they have ugly clothes. It was bad. I said, how much? $2,500. I said, I will pay $2,300. She goes, it's $25. I said, buy. She's like, okay, $2,300. A month. A month. Oh, wow. I said, let's deal. Then I went to China, went to Arcadia. I found a Taiwanese construction guy. I mean, I come here and let's put a stitch on this. Jesus, this is so inspiring. One week. It's so inspiring. There's a club. Because most comics, what they would do is just

stay in the open mics, grind, and you're Asian, right? Like a real Asian. I'm the first of the both Asian. What? FOB. You're an FOB and you have that immigrant mentality and you're like, fuck it, I'm going to make my own place if they're not going to give me the time. Yeah, it's that same feeling like, you're not going to see me die. Yeah. Like, I'm going to do everything in my power. I already got this far. Like, you're not going to see me die mentality. Yeah. It's really inspirational. That's the only way to get $10,000 because I can do two hours a day. $10 a day. I do $10 a day. Well, you do 10 hours a comedy a day? Yeah, because I started as the open mic place because before you had to go to the bar to buy something. Now it's like, I make it a gym. Like every hour,

there's 10 slots. People can sign up online and come to do one committee and doing it and nine watching and then they leave. They can go to their day job. Second hour, I was hosting it and then I started meeting good people. I started hiring 20 people to host for me. And then I just started hosting for 10 hours a day until the pandemic came. I started telling jokes on TikTok and then I blew up on TikTok with a million followers. Then I'm like, I can tell jokes on TikTok. Then we reopened. Then I just go back to working 10 hours a day until I was good enough to become a regular at the law factory. Then I started just doing all shows. Wow.

And then TikTok deactivated your account and back her at a million. Okay. So one-child policy joke. Yeah. One-child policy joke. Oh, you did one and they kicked you off? My one-child policy joke, I said, I was born in China in the 90s. There's a one-child policy. Baby boy is only when I was born, my father found out my penis was missing. So he asked my mom, will she live? My mom said, I think she will if you just bring her back from the dumpster. And then I said that all the other baby girls, they were taken by coyotes, hyenas, and Jeffrey Epstein.

Yeah. Picked up were so mad, they canceled me. And you know TikTok is China. Yeah, yeah. That's incredible. Thank God for my Jewish lawyer. Wow. And you got it back on? Yeah. The Jews, they're the best.

They are the best. I love the Jews. I have a Jewish boyfriend. The Jews are the best. Is your boyfriend Jewish? We met on a Chinese Jewish dating app. Ben Mo. Chinese.

Oh, Ben Mo, that's really fun. That's a Chinese Jewish dating app. Go, Ben Mo. I have a name for our son, Keqing. See. Is that racist? No, I, I, dude, you're speaking a language that I completely understand. It's like, I, I think I can say it because I, you can smell the Jewish dick from my mouth from over there.

I earned my rights. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you, you, you, you, you, you were married to a Chinese guy. You're divorced, right? Yeah. And now you're sucking Jewish penis. I used to suck Jewish dick, but now I'm single. Oh, you're single now?

My, my Jewish boys are all like, my, all my boyfriends are mostly Jewish and the one Chinese. Technically, they are Jewish. Jewish penis, the, the head's pretty good, huh? Because they're like, it's a circumcised well. Because their mom always like, wash your penis. You know, they're Jewish moms. It's easy to abuse them because their mom yell at them. Like when I abuse them, they, they don't feel bad.

They're like, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shut up. Yeah. The Christians are like, you can't talk to me like that. Have the roots ring you again. I mean, no, are you raising the kid or? I have, I have no, I have custody with the kids and I have no child support.

And your divorce was finalized last week? Yes, I can marry somebody today. Are you happy you feel free? I'm very happy I'm free. I'll rob a bank, but I'm free. Right. I'll be fine. You'll be totally fine.

Before I met him, I was financially well, but I just stopped working when I married him. I thought I don't have to work anymore, but now I'm working. But what's going to happen to you is this, okay? They're just going to build a show around you. You're going to act. Yeah, I love to act. No, you're going to act. They're just going to build it around you and it's going to be about you.

And it's going to be great. Thank you so much. Because even if you did like these, the kind of roles that they write for us, it's going to be almost impossible to make it. It's so hard. It's hard. But if you create your own franchise, right, and you create a name for yourself, they'll put the fucking show around you and you're going to be a bigger star anyway.

Yes. Yeah, yeah. Just that I don't want compromise. I don't want to be to play safe and to fit in the roles. I'm a crazy bitch. Like I'm crazy. Yeah, I'm crazy too, man. Something happened to me.

You know, like I'm not well. I feel the fucking same. There's something wrong with me as well. Yeah, like my brain hit the floor. Like I don't form without a penis. Like that's like you can survive that. You can do anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You think you hit your head and that's not, I don't think so. I think some kids, you know, I read something that like, you know, your kid is just going to be born the way they're going to be born. And it really, it has nothing to do with the brain. What? Yeah. What you told me? Well, yeah, because I went to like a fertility specialist with like a friend who was looking to,

you know, like get into like single fatherhood and whatnot. And we were looking at like, okay, like what's going to make the best match to make like the best kind of offspring or whatever, whatever, what genetics one. And he was basically like, he's like, I got three kids and each one of them is their own variety of crazy. That is so like not similar. He's like, you just never know it's such a gamble and you just never know. Yeah, my parents always thought there was something wrong with me as even as a baby.

And what wrong with this one? You know what I mean? Easy little, you know what I mean? You know what I mean? And he did the fucking handicap hand. Yes. You know what I mean? The Asian moms, the Asian parents are savages.

They're savages. Yes. And because I had 28 first cousins and they all got straight A's and I didn't speak English until I was like 14. That's how dumb I was. I was just like, you know, me eating burgers and like picking skin off my feet. You still eat burgers. I know.

Okay, come on, relax. I'm single. I want to, you know what I mean? I don't want that out there. But my point is, is that, you know, there was always something wrong. But, you know, I never felt like there was something wrong. I felt like, oh, I'm living a normal human experience, but I could see the world reacting with some of my behaviors and the way I was.

And then it always made me feel like, is there something wrong with me? But there isn't. You're just a special person. Yes. I think like we just didn't hit all prime when we were in college or like a middle school or like earlier. Oh, so you think you blossomed later in life? I think, yeah, you too.

When you are 14, you just like, you become Bobby Lee, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. How, how has other Asians treated you in comedy? I don't want to say that, but shitty. No, no. Shitty? Shitty. Like shit.

Other Asians treat you like shit. Yeah. It just, there's not so many Asians there. And like when you are just like, you are crazy. People don't like crazy people, which I mean, I'm crazy because I just buy the club and then I just, I'm a workaholic. I have to. I want to leave my husband and I want to have money so I can take the kids with me.

But if you are poor, you know, you're not going to get the kids, you know? And then they will never remember you. Yeah. Because if you don't pay for their school, you are not there because you are, you are poor, you just, you can't be there for them. Yeah. This life is hard. It's so hard.

It's, it's really, it's toxic. Money is not everything, but it is. How can you not receive like child support? Like he's Chinese in China and he knows everybody in China. And then I go to court and I'm a loose, I'll lose. And I don't really want to leave my career. I don't have one yet, but I'll have one soon here from here. He's not American.

I promise you, and I rarely say this and I'm going with, like John Singleton, I'm going with my instinct, right? My instinct is you're going to be a millionaire. You don't worry about it. It's going to happen, all right? Because even with a guy like me, because I'm very like, it takes a lot for me to like, you know, pay attention to somebody, especially in comedy, right? It's sometimes it takes me 10 years to know who somebody's name is, you know?

And, you know, they have to hang around for a while for me to respect them. But with you, I've always remembered you because you have no fear of, you should even, I didn't even know you would say hi to me. Yeah. No? I, I, everybody say hi to you. No, I know, but these are people that I already know. Yeah, yeah.

But I didn't even was really introduced to you and you say hi to me. Yes, nobody introduced us. I just walked to you. Yeah, you just walked up to me. Well, you made that eye and made me scared. Well, I want you to do that. I don't do that. It's the grudge, it's the grudge.

I was thinking, like what Bobby said to me, it's from a Korean to a Chinese. That's real, because I know you are not saying it because you want to be nice, because from a Korean, Korean and Chinese, we are, it's, it's people, we don't like each other, but we don't hate each other either. We really don't like each other. Content. But I don't like you. We don't hate each other.

Yeah, yeah. I don't hate you either. Yeah, yeah. Just Japanese over there for the option for us. So like the Chinese and Koreans, it's like, it's like really like a very nuanced relationship. Yeah, it's very nuanced. We have, we share the same struggles and then Korea become really successful. Like before China got very rich, Korea got very rich.

After Japan, Korea became very powerful. But like now the Korean culture is very powerful right now. The Korean culture, because there's something about your country, you can do art. So your movies, your movies and your like, like a pop culture is not compromised, because in China it's compromised. That's right. There's no good art in China. Because the government gets it.

There is good art was in Hong Kong, but not anymore. Right. So like Korea is leading in culture, in great art for Asians, like the movies, the best movies are Korean movies. I don't like them, but they are good. You can't lie about it. I know. But when you look at it, you go, oh, because you, I always ask myself

when I see a fucked up Korean movie, I go, they would never be able to make that here in America. There's this new K drama I'm watching called Glory. It's so good. Song Huiqiao, like the pretty Korean girl, I think. I think, I think that's her. It's about like her, she's taking revenge on her bullies. Yes.

Yeah. It's pretty easy watching it, Janna. I'm going to start to watch it. That's good. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to do maybe a couple of times a year. I want to do an Asian review stand-up show in LA. That's amazing.

Right. And it's going to be the people I like, and you're going to be on it, and it's going to be great. Because this new crop of kids that are coming up, because back then, I really, back in my day, it was like, oh, that guy's not fun. That guy, you know what I mean? But now I'm seeing like real fucking funny people that make me laugh and go,

oh my God. Like Peter Kim, that, you know what I mean? Peter Kim is so funny. The whimsical, you know what I mean? Like he's so whimsical and gay, you know what I mean? And like, you know, butthole loose. Fine. That's his thing.

You know what I mean? Hot husband. Hot husband. Yeah, yeah. That dude is so intimidating in terms of comedy. I look at him and I go, fuck, this guy has way more skillset than I do. I mean, look at Joe Coy's rise. I mean, he's just, I mean, it's, you know, watching Alley, you know,

all these people rise. And I just think that we should, it's time that we do, I think, a consistent show. Do you think in LA? Showcase the Asian American comedian. Yeah, but really cool ones. Yeah, cool ones. You know what I learned about China recently is that the most powerful pirate in existence was actually a Chinese woman.

She started off as a whore. And then she rose up and became, had a bigger fleet of people than even bigger than Blackbeard. I forgot, like, what her name is. Well, Blackbeard, was she Chinese? From San Francisco, right? I don't remember where she was. She was in China, but she started off as, like, what do you call it, a wench? Like a, but this is her, a whore.

Oh, whoa. So, Qing, Qing, Qing. She's the most successful pirate in history. She should change her name, and Qing is her name. Oh, my God. Qing Shai, who lived in, pillars during the Qing, Qing. Zheng Yisou, Zheng Yisou. Yeah.

She was a coroner? You can play, you can play Qing. I can play her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, she was a whore. That's, not the Chinese part, the whore part. That's a mesner. But isn't this an, if they were to do a biopic on this, like, this is fucking, that's the most

badass, badass, badass. That should be, like, a biopic. Exactly. But you, they're gonna fucking call Michelle. Michelle Yu. Really? Yes. Yeah, Michelle Yu can play her.

Yeah, yeah. And then. But what about her younger years? Moving the young, no, you're the younger version of that. They're gonna have what we call it, like, what's her name? Like. Candace Wu. Candace, Candace, or like Constance Wu.

Oh, okay, Constance Wu. Constance, yeah, Constance Wu. She's from Virginia. I'm fresh with the boat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so I'm a, but anyway, we, you could be in the movie though. That's so popular. You could be a pirate in the, but wait a minute.

I could be like a male sex slave. Yeah. You know what I mean? A Korean male sex slave. Yeah, yeah, and I'm like, you know, tied up, right? And I go, oh, please don't stick your vagina around my vagina around my throbbing a dick. Okay, Stanis.

Right? I don't know why it's so hard right now. And then what do you say? Yeah. Take this. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right.

Wow. What a movie. What a powerful movie. What a powerful movie. What a powerful movie. Korean Chinese women, like Japanese women, like Asian women, like Asian moms, grandmas, they are savages. They are not afraid of anything.

Like. Oh, they'll kill you. Yeah, they will. My mom almost killed me many times. Many fucking times. The Asian moms. Yeah, I think they're like black grandmas. Black grandmas don't fuck with them.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, they are so tough and people think women are weak. My mom used to do this thing. Wait, I do that too. You hate it when I do that. I hate it when I do that. And when my mom did that, I knew I was going to get a bruise somewhere on my body. God.

Right. It was so scary. Ask my brother. We were petrified. Like one time I was, I went to painted rock elementary school. All right. And I farted in class purposely, right? And I, and I go, I think, no, I think the teacher goes,

what do you guys know that this answer? And I go, I do. And then she goes, what is it? And I go, they farted, right? Nice. And she goes, body outside. And so I had to sit outside the classroom, right? And so when the door opens, there's something, a painted thing around the cement

to show you where the door is. And I sat inside that fucking circle, right? So the principal walks up and goes, um, can you sit, you know what I mean? Beside the door and not around the circle. You don't, the door doesn't swing and hit me, right? But I wanted to get maimed, right? And so I go, no. And he goes, I'm going to count to three.

I remember this. I'm going to count to three. And he goes, one, two. And I go, three, right? Then I remembered them, call my mom. My mom, her cheeks were inside her throat, right? Right. And I just remember, and I just knew beating.

It was the worst beating I've ever had. Your mom hit you? Yeah. I mean, she didn't hit me. And she hit me with a chair. She was throwing things on me. Yeah, she hit me. That real, real hit.

Real hit. Yeah, real. Yeah, they don't do it like to teach you a lesson. They want an imprint. Yeah, they don't spank. There's no such thing as spanking. It's real hit. Yeah, yeah.

They want you to remember it 30 years later. Yeah, there's a belt. Like my dad would hit me with a belt. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Like when you're walking around, your knees lock. Yeah. You know what I mean?

And you're 50 and somebody goes, what happened? Oh, my mom, when I was eight. This is like the dictionary. She's the dictionary. Oh, she hit me. Are you being real? Aminus. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's an Aminus. Yeah, yeah. My mom would have us like watch her eat a banana on the table. And you knew that like her eyes were already like, you know, her face was curvering and rage. And she would slowly eat the banana. And then when the banana was done, she would like whip our faces with a banana across the table.

Whoa. Wow. Yeah, like just fucking banana lashing. Yeah. That's like a villain from James Bond. Poor version. And would you cry? Yeah, yeah.

But we were frozen in fear. It's not like we could just run away. She's like fast and athletic. She could just, you know, catch us and beat us even harder. So you just sit there and know in anticipation that there's a banana lashing like about to happen. But you know what I do in that situation? I double down on it.

And while she's swinging, I put my face into it. Oh, Jesus. You mean like, you know what I mean? Like, you know, out of protest. I'm that guy. Yeah, do it. I want more. I want more.

I'm a martyr, dude. You are the martyr against the rise of the Asian moms. Exactly. I don't like any kind of oppression. I don't like any kind of that kind of vibe, dude. You know what I mean? Like, you know what I mean? Abuse of power.

I don't cry because she's going to be happy if I cry. Exactly. I just don't cry. It's the same thing. It's the same thing I'm talking about. Wait, no. But then my sister was really smart. She was like, Kalyla, the trick is, I was like,

why does she beat you less? She's like, I cry immediately. It stops the meeting. My sister, same way. My sister, same way. And I was the one who was like, get me more. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We fucked up.

We fucked up. We fucked up. Kalyla, we fucked up. Yeah, we cry. Yeah, we should cry. We should take a messener and like method acting class. Yeah, exactly. Oh my god, we're done, babe.

She's smart. My sister was the same way as your sister. They should be friends. They should be because she was like, cry, cry. She also, your sister was also also all smart, right? Whenever she, I'll give you a piece of me. She can't get what she wants. She slapped her face. She's right on my mind.

My sister just not like slapped me. She just do that. You know what Steve did? He called social services. Oh, wow. That's a very white move. That's a very, my brother was very white. That's a very Caucasian.

No, because he went to church and he was a Christian. And I think he went to church, right? And they're like, well, what you gotta do is you gotta call this number. This and that. Beating. My brother did it, right? And I remember like, nothing happened to my brother.

I somehow got the beating. He probably told your mom that you gave him the number. Oh, that's. But I remember. Younger ones are smarter than us. All right. Yeah, my brother was a little survivor, but I got the beating for that.

Dude. And I didn't do anything. Younger ones are evil. The last beating I ever got was when I was 14 or 15. We, it was the first time we ever went to an American mall. We'd only been in America for like a month and we went bra shopping at JCPenney. And I was too afraid.

My mom said, go ask for your size. And I was like, I was so scared to ask the sales lady. I was like, can you do it? And she's like, I'm not going to do it. And there was like a back and forth. And dude, my mom like took one tit for my sister and one tit for me. And she like, titty twisted both of us.

Wow. And we had bruised little titties like on our way home. And then finally my sister was like, you do that one more time. Like this is America. Like I'm going to fucking call a call. But we went home with bruised titties because she just fucking in public at JCPenney just like,

turned our tits this way. You know what you do? You buy two pepperonis. And? For the next time. Right. And when she twists your titties, you can go. Look, it came off.

It came off. That's what I would do. Because at that point she'll feel guilty, right? She'll like freak the fuck out. Or she's like, why are you holding pepperonis? Right, right, right, right, right. Maybe, maybe. Imagine having blue nipples for a week

in your first fucking month in America. You're like, my titties are blue. Oh my god. It's so sad. It's so fucking awful. It's so fucked up. It's so fucked up. Yeah, I'm glad there's rules in place.

First you like that, man. But I don't even know. But you know what? I'm grateful for all of it, aren't you? Or no? Because I know I find out it's not equal to be your kids in America. When you become a parent, you really need to think

like if I can beat them. But you can't do it in America. In America. No, so your kids, have they behaved in ways where you kind of wanted to do something or no? My son, he's kind of, you know, slow. I cried a lot. What are you slow in what way?

You know, like, he's very cute. But I told you, like, my divorce, I just agreed to not have any money. And I just realized it hit me after I go to the bank and transfer all the funds. And I'm like, I'm poor. I don't know what to do a few weeks ago. My son, no, I was crying.

So my mom asked him to bring coffee to me in the morning. So he brought coffee, he walked slowly. He's four. He's like, shh, shh, be quiet to the coffee. He thinks it's like, don't, don't burn mommy. Oh, oh, she communicates with cops. He tells the coffee to be, don't burn my mom, be quiet. He talks to liquids.

Oh, there's something wrong. He wanted to, like, make the coffee colder. Like, but he was confused with being quiet. Oh, oh, I see. He thought it was shh. Oh. Because in Asia culture, we have to blow the coffee. Yeah, to make it colder.

Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. But he wasn't doing that. Be quiet. Wow. Don't burn mommy. And he comes to me like, what are you doing? He's like, I want to make sure that coffee don't burn you. So I'm shh, be quiet.

Oh, he's cute. I'm like, he's dumb. That's cute, no? He's not going to, I have to go to work right now. Like, he need to go to private school? You got pussies. Like, I need to go to work right now. There's no time to cry and shout and get up.

I got up. I'm like, mommy's going to work. He's like, why? I say, you need the money, baby. The problem is going to arise is when he's 16 and you go outside and he's arguing with the car. Oh my god. You mean, maybe that's, you know what I mean?

Like, shh, don't say that, man. Yeah, maybe. We dated, but we're not dating anymore. But maybe, maybe he can be Elon Musk and just like talk to the, make the car talk to him because he won't be having any friends anyway. Right. I never thought. But that's a real thing.

Like people have full blown relationships with inanimate objects like cars, right? I saw that. That one movie, that titan, like they, she was having sex with a car. Yeah, but also there's an actual guy who crawls underneath his car, hugs it and kisses the fender. No, look that up, dude. There's an actual white dude that does that fucking shit.

And he goes, I love you. No, he's white, full blown. Is the car Japanese? Oh, it's like, oh, that's, does he have an Asian fetish? Yes. It could be, if it's a Honda, it's an Asian fetish as well. Yeah. Can we look up the guy?

Let's see what kind of. Definitely not BYD. What? Chinese car, BYD. What's that? There we go. Yeah. What is it?

What kind of car is that? What is it? Look at him. I just knew which car is it. Definitely the Asian car. It looked like a Chevrolet. It looked like a Chevrolet. Yeah.

Yeah, so he's racist. He's cousin. What? He's a cousin. He's a cousin. Yeah, yeah. The car is his cousin. Yeah.

Oh, he's seven days. Right, that's weird. Yeah. So yeah, but I don't think you're son. Yeah, I don't. He's going to be fine. He's confused. Yeah.

No, you'll be fine. Maybe he's a comedian. My daughter is a savage. She looked at me with hatred with her small eyes. She's too terrible too. She goes, oh, she does that? Mark, I'm like, mom, why she gave me the side-eye? Is it Chinese or just like a side-eye?

My mom's like, oh, I just found out I'm 53 today. I may die soon. I want to teach her how to hate you so you don't miss me too much. I miss you too much. I've never had kids and I want to ask you, is it fulfilling? Well, I'll be real.

Be real is that as an Asian person, it will give you more drive to be ruthless. When people try to hate you, you keep working on your craft to make sure they have a good life as Asians. So it's not going to slow your career. It's going to. It's going to enhance it.

Yeah. Yeah. I think so. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It didn't ruin my career. They didn't ruin like, I'm going to do something I can't because I was a kid. They gave me more energy and faith to do it.

I mean, if I have two sons, I'll be more powerful, but you know, you can't have everything. I'll be more powerful? Yeah, yeah. My daughter, she's very smart. Yeah. She's a savage. Who's going to be your next boyfriend now?

I want to find a guy like I don't. Asian, white, black. What? I mean, it has to be like attractive. I have to be attracted to that guy. Of course. Of course. I have to like, I need to like,

like really respect his, whatever he's doing. Let me ask you that. See this guy right here, George? Hi, George. Yeah. Do you think that's attractive? I wouldn't. That's it.

That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. No, no, no, no. I wasn't a no, but do that one. No, I want to, I get it.

When you first look at him, I get tongue tied as well. I get tongue tied. I don't know. He looks like Bill Gates when he got arrested by drinking, doing weed. Oh, a high Bill Gates. That's what he looks like. Young, high Bill Gates before.

What about this Asian guy? Are you Asian? What did you think he was, Latino? I think you're like half, right? No, he's full. Full Korean. He's full Korean. He looked like he can be like one of those like crazy,

rich, Asian, half white Asian guys, which I think. Yeah, maybe. That's good. I hate them because they just find a real Asian guy. Bobby Lee can be the Asian guy. Like, it's an Asian love story. Why have a half white Asian guy? That is true.

Because he's better on the screen. Oh, Henry Golding? Yeah. Yeah, he doesn't look Asian. He looks like he's half Asian. Yeah, that's a bullshit, too. He looks like he's just not Asian. I want somebody like Asian, like Bobby Lee.

Yeah, same. In the Philippines, it's that same bullshit. They always choose like that. They're not better actors. They're just whiter. Yeah, you know. Look at that. That's not Asian.

That's fucking George Lopez when he's hot. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true. That guy's Asian? He's not. He's Malaysian. Look at those keys, though. He's extremely handsome, but I know what you mean.

Like, was it that hard to put a full Asian guy? Yeah, I want the Bobby Lee. I know, but can I say something? I did ADR in a movie the other day. And, you know, it was a pretty big movie, so you're at Sony, and it's like a gigantic screen, right? And once my head hit the screen, I went, at my own head.

Like, I startled myself. Like, oh, that's me, that's me, that's me. Like, I was shocked by it. Because we don't see our faces so much here. Yeah, this is wobbly, you know what I mean? Yeah, our faces. See, that's my dream for you. I want you to be in like a rom-com,

and like really have full-blown sex scenes with a hot chick. Yeah, like Johnaheal with you people. I hated that. Yeah, why are you the hottest black woman with Johnaheal? And then they didn't show any of, like, the main thing. True, I never thought about that, but yeah, true. Yeah, true. They didn't have any of the, like, make-out,

the sex scenes, nothing. It's like feet. I mean, like, I don't want to see feet. Their feet are giggles, right? You just don't have the sex. Oh, that's right, that's right. They just show the feet. And the songs.

Yeah, it's, you know what, it's like, it's, yeah. I mean, it's always been like that. You know what I mean? If you're not a sex symbol, they just don't write scenes like that. I don't think I'll ever be in a sex scene. I want to see his ankle fat. But also, Jonah looks great there. So different.

Show his, show his belly, like, show the belly when he's fucking. That guy is one of the nicest guys I've ever met. Then show him fucking. I know, he's like one of the sweetest guys. He's always been so nice. You know what I mean? He's also gone out of his way to say hi to me. That guy's just a really nice guy, man.

There's the new fucking. Yeah, look at him. And he looks like a man. Yeah, and she's beautiful. We should just see them fucking. Yeah. They didn't even kiss on camera. They didn't.

They CGI'd it. No. Yeah. Why? The CGI kiss. But what if they had those scenes? They tested it and then test well. What?

To who? That's true. Like, who are you testing it to? There's many me's out there that I'm like, I want to see all of it. Yeah, that's true. You never see it, you know? I like, I wish the whale had a gnarly sex scene. Him, you know what I mean?

And then put another person in there and just have a fucking 20 minute, you know, real, like, lifting up the stomach, you know what I mean? I would have watched that in the movie theaters on opening day. Yeah, I would have. Yeah, me too. I bring my Vaseline, you know what I mean? Who knows what that's going to do?

But I would love to see like, hey, you got to scoot over this way because I can't get an angle. Yeah, that's real life. I'm not being rude. I'm just saying I want to see two obese people in a sex scene. It's like when him and I were relating, like a fake, fake Newton. I found a fake Newton.

What? That's yeah, fake Newton. Yeah, delicious. When him and I were dating, like the first time he tried to do doggy. Yeah, there we go. Like that's what I'm saying. Like we need to see that on screen.

Like it couldn't happen. Yeah. Like he had to like wear like platform here. Yes. Or else like he just couldn't reach my pussy. Yeah, like, like, you know, like, what's his name? Like Tom Cruise. That's right.

Can I say, I don't want you to be offended by it, but there's one girl I had sex with, right? Reese, a couple of months ago. And she goes, I've never come so fast with you. I go, why? Because she goes, the fat above, the fat above where the pub is, I've never seen it like, you know what I mean?

Have a pouch. So it rubs against my clip. Yes. And I don't say yes. No, because that's how. Don't say yes. It's a yes, dude. Don't say yes.

All right. And I didn't know how to like respond. I was like, oh, cool. Cool, right? But then I'm like, I have a fat. She wasn't talking about my belly. Fupa. The Fupa.

Yeah, you have your fat upper pussy. Yeah, yeah. Physicians for tall women who are dating shorter guys. Yeah, yeah. So this is apparently supposed to help. So obviously, okay. This is not true. Which that helps for you.

Okay. No, that doesn't help. Not not true. Imagine me doing that with anybody. Yeah. That one, the prison style. That's my favorite kind. This one would help you, Bobby.

That one is that would help you. Is he doing his taxes? What the fuck are you doing around here? People do it that way. I've never seen that before in my fucking life. He's supposed to be laying over the edge of the bed. Yeah. What is this?

There's there's shaped like a swastika. What's better than that? That's better than this. What's this? Oh, this is this. Oh, this one we've never tried, babe. Have we ever tried that? And you can do push-ups.

That's hot. I feel like I'm still doing all the work. Oh, yeah. This is that. I don't even know it. Yeah, yeah, that's it. Yeah. But I would love to see, you know what I mean?

Just different kinds of people. Two black people making love. That would be the hottest thing ever. That's just two people making love. Blind person? No, because you still have to have direction. You're Marco Polo. Yeah, if they are making love.

Yeah, something. Like if they are making love with somebody who has no tits, small tits like a braille. Over. Yeah. Over. Oh, right. Exactly.

Is that the front? No. Yeah. Exactly. You have to, there's, you know, if you're two blind people making love, there's got to be communication. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, I'm in here. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Oh, you're in the living room. You know what I mean? It's like that kind of thing.

That's so hot. Yeah, yeah. I would love to see that. That'd be hot and sexy, you know? Anyway, you're going to be in a movie. You're going to be a very big star. And I don't want you to worry about it. Because you have the work ethic.

And I think you're very pretty. Thank you. That's really nice from a Korean. Yeah. That's a lot. Was I nice to you or no? Be honest. You're super nice.

You're always nice. You're nice to everybody. And you're always humble. And when people, you know, come to you and you always are really nice and sweet. Yeah. I mean, you know, I don't know why, but I've become the guy where people get advice from.

You give credit to that. I know. But it's like, I don't want to be that guy. Because I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. You do, though. You've been in it long enough. You do. Yeah.

But it's just like, you know, I've had, you know, there was one girl that used to show up at comedy clubs with a black eye. Oh, my God. What? I didn't do it. Is it? Was she dating Chris Brock?

No, no, no, no. And she was having some problems. And I remember having to talk to her about it, you know what I mean? But I just remember being on stage at the improv and her walking in the room, right? And I'm going, oh, fuck, again. You know what I mean?

It was so bad. But I was always that guy. No, you're a safe place. Maybe I'm a safe place for people, you know? Yeah. Yeah, I think so. I think from now on, you should get advice from me. I would love advice.

How do I become successful like you after? Is that a real? You want a real answer? Yeah. It's a cliche, but it's also every question I would like to ask you, because you would be the right person to give that advice. My real advice to you without any comedy angle

is kill yourself. And I'm kidding. No, I know my real advice. My mom already gave me that one. My mom already gave me that one. She beat you. My mom beat you this morning. And this is the truth.

And there's no formula, but you can just see it. Like when you see Jesse Johnson, you know, Jesse? Yeah. Yeah. You know, she was, you know, a parking lot girl, door person at the comedy store. But the first time I met her,

there was just something about her. And you can just tell instinctually. I feel like I have that instinct. And I feel that about you. And what I want to say to you is that as long as you don't quit, because if you quit, it'll never happen, right? And it's so fucking weird about life.

And if you're committed to one thing, also don't stretch yourself. You know, when people, I had a friend that goes, oh, I'm in a band, I act, I do comedy, and I paint. And he would put all this energy into all those. And I always tell him, they focus on one thing. If you focus on one fucking thing and you don't quit, what happens is the community, you know what I mean?

Starts looking at you in a different way. They look, oh, she's never going to go away. She's a real comedian, right? And she's one of us. Right? And what happens is people rise together. People pull each other up, pull each other. Like, for instance, even you sitting here right now, if I had a TV show, and there was a specific part

that I think that you would be great in, you would be at the top of my list already, right? But if you weren't doing comedy, right, and I never ran into you and I didn't know anything about you, that would never happen, right? So just stay in it. Focus. Focus.

Like, I know earlier in your career, you would do things like shove candy bars up your butt and basically do these extreme things. Like, do you suggest that Zhao Ying stays wild in that same way? No candy bars. No candy bars. Because that's my thing. That's my thing.

That's stealing. No, what I'm saying is, no, I mean, I did those things because I'm just a weirdo. Yeah. You know what I mean? I don't have to do with anything. You know what I mean? I just like, you know, my butt's got to eat.

You know what I mean? The butt's got to eat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For Eddie Hong to taste what kind of eating you are, like toss a salad be like, oh, that's a premier Korean. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I know. Yeah, I've done some, you know, farting on people.

I don't recommend that. But what I'm saying is, is that never change your comedy. You know, it's like, I remember people saying, you should wear a suit. I heard people tell me, you should wear overall. Don't wear makeup because you look like you are trying to sell me a house. You should look like a real comedian.

Girls should be like, not glamorous. I'm like, I'm from a dumpster. I'm in the world every day until I die. No, no, no, no, no, no. You do what you want to do, man. Yeah, I want to look good. And if somebody says you swear too much, or they say that, like, you know, you're too crafty,

don't listen to anybody. You just stay yourself, man. Because it's like, over the years, they're like, you're not going to make it because I mean, who I love. I know him. We like each other. I love him. He's one of the funniest stand-ups on planet Earth, I think.

He's a fucking beast. And him and our very good friends. And when I'm out to share it with you, he's probably not going to like me saying, right? But I'm going to share it, okay? I didn't know many, many years ago. This is probably 20 years ago. And he saw my act, and I was like talking about, like,

jerking off, and you know what I mean, and just weird. You know what I mean? Just that kind of humor. And I swore a lot, and you know what I mean? And everything was about my dad or Asian. And he goes, after you get off, I want to talk to you in the back of the laugh factory. And he had a conversation with me, and he goes,

you're never going to get on The Tonight Show with that act. And I go, I did The Tonight Show. And he goes, oh, well, you're never going to be on a TV show with that act. I go, I'm on a TV show. And he goes, oh, don't mind me then. And that was the end of the conversation. I could see why he doesn't want you to tell that story.

I love it. Maybe bleep out his name. You bleep out his name? Yeah, bleep out his name. Because I know him, he's crazy, and we're going to have a fight. Right? And then he's going to record it, and he's one of those guys is like, why'd you say this?

And then if I can play it back to me, all right? But that actually happened. And it's like, I just did what I did, and a lot of people aren't going to like it. But some people are. OK, you're going to be fine. Yes. All right.

Thank you. That's amazing advice. Yeah. Have you done the road yet or no? Yes, I'm touring. I just got back from New York. I did a one week in New York. I'm touring.

Where? April 23rd, the cops almost sold out. I think we're at 300 tickets. Wow, in San Francisco? Yes, cops. Yeah, I know cops. I've been in comedy. I know what the fuck it is.

She's like, that's a tough room to sell, man. Yeah, I think like two weeks ago, we were at 250. So I think now it's 300. We're going to sell out way before the show, like in a week. Right, right. And what night is that going to be? It's going to be a Wednesday night. Wednesday, it's going to be fucking amazing.

And then 26th, New York Comedy Club, I headline. And then 27th is the Stanford New York Comedy Club. Oh, that's great. May 30th, then it's in Chicago. Oh, that's great. That's my schedule. You know, the cops, bad shit happened to me at the cops. So I can't even walk in that building.

Maybe what happened to you? That's when Ken Jeong physically assaulted me. Oh, yeah. That happened at cops. I'm sorry? I also had a meltdown where I cried in the kitchen. For what reason? Oh, my God, it was so fucking bad, dude.

How bad was the food? No, the food's great. OK, right, right. The cop side of it was not. There's no cop salad. Is there a cop? Is that what the? I don't know.

That's what it's called. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But no, I did, Al Madrigal called me many, many years ago and it goes, me, you, Ian, Natasha, we're going to do a corporate show for Facebook. And I was last. It already sounds like a freaking nightmare. The disaster.

Yeah. And then, you know, they did OK, but I was last. And by the time I went up there, people were like drinking and stuff like that. And I just ate it like I just nothing I could do. And I remember walking off stage in tears and being in the kitchen and I just crawled up in a little fucking fetal position in the kitchen and going,

why does everything bad happen to me at cops? I think it's in my mind, maybe you think I'm like inviting weird shit? Yeah, also it's like you have a self-fulfilling prophecy already because initially a bad thing had happened there. So you already, in your mind, bad things are going to happen here.

So the cycle continues. Also, that's like the burden for being like very talented. When you are very talented, you are very tough on yourself. Like I heard like Howard Fine told me that whenever Meryl Streep do a play, she'll be like, after she do it, she's like, I don't think I'm good enough.

I don't think I did the best I can. Because when you are very talented, you won't do better or every time. When you are not funny, they think they kill every time. But I know, don't you hate those? I just, I smile because they'll never be better than me.

I'm like, I hope you don't know your bomb. Like they don't know they bombed. And they were like, I was amazing. I'm like, oh yeah, I don't want them to be like, I want to do better. Then I'm like, oh God. Yeah, I mean, I've had people like go look at the set and play me, right?

And it's almost as if they just did their jokes in front of no audience, right? That's how much they're bombing, but they think they're killing. Yeah. It's a really weird. Yeah, I like that. I'm looking right at George.

Yeah, George. I mean, your futon joke. You know, it's not the audience. It's your futon joke, right? Futon. Yeah. You know what a futon is? It's the poor beds.

It's the poor beds for sure. It's the poor bed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a poor bed slash couch. Yeah. Can it be a couch? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And he did a joke and he walked upstairs and goes that killed and it didn't. What? We got five minutes of futon jokes. Futon jokes? That's not just one. Oh, yeah. Did you think you did good that night?

I think the jokes were good. I didn't get the audience won over early enough. He didn't win them over. That was a key. Well, you remember you and I were in the audience laughing so hard because we were bombing so hard? It was scary. I mean, we were on the ground.

I think people were confused why we were laughing so hard. Yeah, because everyone was not laughing. But we're on the side. When I see people fail that I love, it just gets a lot of joy in my heart. Yes, I mean, a futon, I just feel like when a guy broke, I have a futon. They have the best dick.

Like, they'll put you through the mattress. See, that's a good joke. Yeah, yeah, that's a good joke. If the broke guy is futons, they will make sure they know how to fuck you. Oh, wow. See, is that your dick? They want a car out of that.

Write that down, dude. Can you give that to him? Yeah. Put it in your futon. They'll put you through the, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do it with the accent too. You got to do it with the accent.

They'll put you through the mattress and they will work hard. They have nowhere to go. They have nowhere to go. See it, see it. They have nowhere to go. Yeah, George. See it right now.

Okay. Yeah, I just want to clip it. In fact, you know what I want to do, too, is the next, because every once in a while, I'll do a Brea show. I love Brea. I think I featured for Pritchard Larson in Brea and then Josh Lieberman saw me there. This is that, so they,

three artists signed me after they saw me. Wait, wait, you're with three artists? You're with three artists? Yes. Then what are you worried about, baby? You're good. They're the best. I love, I love my,

I love them. I mean, they're the fucking... We have a lot of good things happening right now. They're the best. You're fine. You're in a good place. Thank you, Bob. But when I do...

Yeah, I'm very excited about it. Every Tuesday, once I do a Tuesday Brea, Bobby Lee and Friends show, I'm going to have you on it. Amazing. Do we have any questions or unhelpful advice for her? We're good on time. We are?

Yeah. Do you have fun? I have so much fun. Oh my God. Be real. I'm like really happy. I am, too. I'm so glad you came.

Thank you for having me. I feel closer to you. I feel closer to you. Me, too. I'm you if I don't have those sounds. Look at this. Bobby? Bobby Lee? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I need a Benny and a beard. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They can't tell us apart. They can't. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can charge more. Like, I can just do what I should when I be set up for life. Could you be my daughter or no? I'm old. I'm 33.

I'm 51, though. I can be your daughter if you were not careful. Yeah, yeah. Back in the day. Okay. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. I could. Yeah.

Now, I'm just trying to figure out what kind of roles we could have. We could probably be married in a movie. In a movie? Yeah, because like an Asian woman, I can be 90 or like two. Yeah, you're right. Yeah.

Ambiguous in that way. I can go through. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why is that? I don't know. It's just like, there's one day you wake up. You come from, you become like a young,

beautiful woman in demand. Like a little another would just fuck me because he didn't know I'm over 25. But then next day, I become the Asian grandma. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, there's one night that happens and you shrivel up. Yeah, that one night.

You don't know. Every morning I wake up, is that a day? Yeah. And look, I don't know. Like an N.T.Y. season. One day my mom was Lucy Lu, next day Yoda. Yeah, Yoda. Like what happened in the night?

One night. Yeah, one night. Did you take a shower and you slept wet? That's a classic meme, right? Yeah, yeah. Is that it? Yeah. Yeah, that's insane.

But. Yeah, that's so true. Have you ever seen Vera Wang? Vera Wang, she's still like a teenager. Yeah, she's like in her deep into her 70s, but she looks pretty freaking good. Give me Vera Wang. Give me Vera Wang.

I think she's drinking baby boy virgin blood. Come to my house, like the young gay boys. Come to my house, taking my dress. Oh, she looks great. How old is she? I think in her 70s. 70s. Oh my gosh, she looks so fucking cool.

She's great in her 70s for sure. Like if she walked into any art museum, you wouldn't think that she was the artist. Oh, for sure. Well, she runs the fucking thing. Yeah. She's so cool. I love cool Asians.

Anyway, anything you want to plug? Well. Why is your eyelashes on the back? I want to be like you. I guess you're like. Oh, yeah. Yeah, follow me. Join Summers everywhere.

J-I-A-O-Y-I-N-G-S-U-M-M-E-R-S. And you can get my tickets at joinsummers.com. I'm coming all over America. Yeah. I'm coming to a city near you. Yeah. Yeah. That's you?

That's me. That's like I made a flyer for. Oh, that's cool. That's cool. That's cool. That's great. You made that flyer? I have somebody I put up to do it.

That's really cool. Yeah, they did it. Yeah. And also, if you have any problems at the club level or anything that happens, you can always call me. I'll help you. I appreciate that so much. Thank you so much.

Anyway, thanks for coming. Thank you for having me. I love you. Bye. Love you. Bye. I'm sleepy. You're just Korean.