TigerBelly - Jim Gaffigan and the Aw Shucks Eyes

Episode Date: December 18, 2024

Comedian Jim Gaffigan makes his 2nd appearance.  20% off + 2 FREE pillows for all mattress orders. www.helixsleep.com/belly DraftKings is offering a warm welcome to new players with ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS INSTANTLY IN CASINO CREDITS with just a ten dollar wager. Plus, EVERYONE can get in on the action with a holiday reward every week! So stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to www.zococ.com/belly to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. That’s www.zococ.com/belly   

Music I'm a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a

little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a The sunshine's gonna come out. Oh, shit. I know the tune, but... What? I know the tune, like the mentally... I give up.

Something with sunshine. I give up. Something with sunshine. There's no sunshine in the lyrics. Not this one. Just make it up for me. Yuko and John Lennon. What? Did he marry Yuko or something?

It's called Imagine. Oh. Imagine there's no Jaime. Lots of beans around. I don't eat beans at all. Dude, chili, dude. What? You haven't eaten it. Can you make it right now?

I'm kind of in a mood for it. I haven't ate, so. What are you thinking about right now, dude? Your eyes went craziness now. Because when he said, I don't eat beans, I'm pretty sure he eats beans. Yeah, dude. I eat beans, but not on the daily basis.

You do eat beans. You admit that you eat beans. I eat beans, but not on a daily basis that you think. If you died in an alien race, atop your body, they would open you up and they would have went, Oh, this guy's made of all beans. And hot pockets. You eat hot pockets too? What kind? Pepperoni, garlic bread.

Dude, you gotta change your diet up, dude. Well, I can't. You can't afford the other stuff? I mean, I eat Korean barbecue barbecue like I said before but you never said that before. I've never heard you say that before. Korean barbecue? Yeah. This I have right? I don't think you told Bobby. Yeah. Was Gaffigan in this house? Yeah. But in here? Older room. Like a old center. Yeah like the yeah. Was there a table or no? No this was pre table or yeah before. Or was there a screen? You know I when I first saw him I thought he was Andy

Richter from Conan. Yeah tell him. Please don't tell him that. Okay. I wanna find myself in time to travel. Mother Mary comes to me speaking words of wisdom. Let it be. Okay, I know that one. Go, go, go, go, go. Let it be. Nope. Oh, let it be.

Okay. Do the chorus whenever you want. Jim, please. Hey, Jim. Right here, right here, Jim. Good, buddy. What's going on? Nothing.

We saw a photo of you from the last time. Yeah, two years ago. You lost so much weight, huh? You know what? Yeah, we don't talk about it. It's just my modeling. Oh, really? You're modeling again?

Are these all your sponsors? Not Valid Water, Red Ball, these mints? Do you do cans or no? I can do cans. I can do like, we are the world. Did you see no? I can do cans. I can do like we are the world. Did you see that? It's so good. It's so good. Really? I mean you know you just don't know how it worked. It worked. I didn't know how they got all everyone together and all that. It was just really interesting., hello. My left ear. Keep sound coming.

Yeah, do you understand? Hello. That's fine. I can just do it like this. I can do it like this. OK, sit down, dude. You're stressing me out. How many?

How many? How many? There's a lot of people. A lot of people. Hi, how are you? How you doing? What's your name? It's Jaime.

Jaime. Nice to meet you, Jim. He you? How you doing? What's your name? It's Jaime. Jaime. Nice to meet you, Jim. He's just an immigrant doing his thing. Classic. Yeah, breathing in and out, surviving. Thank God there's that white guy. I know.

So are we ready? Five, four, three, two, one. Welcome to another episode of Taco Belly. I am your host, Boo Boo Lou. And guys, God, I'm so excited today because I have to apologize to you, Mr. Gaffigan, because the last time you were here, I almost have three years sober, and when you were here, I almost have three years sober,

and when you were here, I was drugged out of my mind. Drugged, really? Yeah, and then remember afterwards, I was like, oh, you know, because I wanted to have you for so long, and I just felt so fucking guilty. No. Yeah, because I just, I wasn't, I didn't remember, I couldn't think of any, I just felt like I was stuck.

And so for almost three years, I couldn't think of anything. I just felt like I was stuck. And so for almost three years, I've been carrying around this remorse. So I wanna apologize. Well, you know, I understand, and I do not accept your apology. That's fine. I think you should go back to drinking.

Yeah. Or whatever you were doing. Look at me, I look like I ate an old man. I know, and look at me, I look like just one yellow thumb. So wait a minute, so you were like, do you not wanna talk about it or were you, what were you high on? Just weed and drinking, but I did it so frequently,

like I would do it 24 hours a day. So I was just never like present. And so how do you drive down that road? Or how did you drive down that road? I barely made it every time. I remember one time I was vomiting. I think I had the door open and I was driving vomiting out the door because I was so tired.

That's like, that's another hurdle. That's very good. You're alcoholic. Welcome back to very good. You're alcoholic. Welcome back to the show. Welcome back. So, and I saw you in New York. I know. And we took a little photo at the Hularity.

Hularity. Yeah. And- Bill Burr doesn't like that term, Hularity. He complained to me about that two nights ago. Yeah. He does not like it. It's just stupid.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I mean, come on. You know what I mean? Hilarious. Yeah, and does not like it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean, come on. Yeah, I mean, hilarious. Yeah. And um, he also didn't like the party. It was stupid. It's so dead on. Yeah, but you, your special is already out. Yes, it is out. Thanks for watching it. You're so good. No, you didn't watch it. I love it.

No, well, it's like, What's it called? It's called The Skinny. The Skinny. It's called The Skinny. And what, so you were at Netflix and you just kind of decided to move over? I'm a very nomadic

being. Yeah. And it's like any comedian, someone offered me more so I went. But aren't you at Hulu too? I do have Hulu. Oh. Yeah, well I never had done one. Oh you had never done a special?

No. Oh my God, that's surprising. And for years everyone was like, do one, why? You didn't want it. I didn't want to do it because I don't want to write new material. Yeah, but. You know what I mean?

Bobby. And I'm forcing myself to do it. It's an abundant universe. I know, dude. You gotta understand. I know, but I want to work harder. Or it's not, or it's the end of your life. But anyway, it's one of those things.

But yeah, I decided, they were like, here's, I mean, can you, okay, I'm gonna ask you something. Don't you wanna feel wanted? Don't you wanna feel wanted? Yeah. Yeah, I think everyone does. And they made me feel wanted. Yeah.

You know what I mean? And the other companies, I don't wanna name any, me, but they did not make me feel, like I had to jump through hoops, and then I was just like, I don't wanna do it then. Yeah, it's the arc of the authority of these companies, where like 10 years ago, a different company would have been like shining our shoes or doing anything,

but once it gets to a point where they have the power, then they're not nice. Well, because they care about money. Yeah. Which is like, in a way, if we can kind of remove, I think that's what's so unfair is like, creative people, we're supposed to remove our emotion when it comes to the business stuff.

And that's hard because taking things personally is what supposedly makes us creative people. You know what I mean? Yeah, but it's also, I mean, 30 years I've been just in the business and it's like, I got so many nos for the first 15 or 20. Yeah. And just like, I never went to Montreal.

Yeah. You know what I mean? I auditioned for all those things. You know what I mean? Like new faces and stuff. And then it just gets to a point where it's like, you know, I built this thing, and just for once I don't wanna jump again. You know what I mean? And that's all basically what it is.

But anyway, I'm so excited to do one. It's my first one. Golly gee, it's gonna be great I think. It'll be a great challenge. Thank you. It'll be a great challenge. Thank you. It'll be a great challenge.

Thank you. I'm just not working on where I wanna do it and the name of it and also what it's gonna look like. Yeah, yeah. So where are you gonna do it? I don't know yet. Well, you should shoot shows in one night. I wanna try to do four.

Good, good. But here's what I wanna do, Jim. What do you wanna do? Tell me. I'm gonna do, I want to try to do four. Good, good. But here's what I want to do, Jim. What do you want to do? Tell me, you're gonna, I feel like you're gonna tell me. Go ahead. Don't let me stop you, go ahead, tell me. Jim. Here's what you're gonna do.

Jim. What are you gonna do? Here's what I'm not gonna. Wait a minute, are you gonna tell me? I may not. Okay, no. I kind of don't, no, I want it to be, I want to be sweaty. want us to be sweaty.

You want to be sweaty? Yeah, because when you see specials, it's so, everyone just, they make up, right? And it's like, sorry. No, you know, but. Sorry, sorry, sorry. So I was in a dinner in New York, like Friday. I had to pick up my daughter and of course

my wife, there was a minor sniff of like she had basketball practice, so I had to kill time for like an hour and a half. So I went in this Mexican restaurant and I'm sitting there eating rice and beans because that's what I love. And right. because that's what I like. Yeah. Right? And so then, at one point, it's a very tiny, it's like a very tiny shop, right? And so then one time the guy on the cashier, they have a playlist, right, where you can play music,

and they also have a TV, and at one point he was kind of fiddling with it, and he started to play my special and I was like, oh, oh, I go, did I just imagine it? Cause I had headphones on it. He goes, he goes, sorry, sorry. Uh, I thought it might be you, but in the special you look so much younger. You said that? Yeah.

Wow. He was, I mean, he said it in, in a way where he wasn't trying to be mean, he was just like, that's why I needed to look at the special. And he, of course he hadn't seen the special. He'd seen a clip on the internet, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. But I like that, that authentic thing.

Yeah, I mean, I, I'm sweating. Why don't you do it at the Purple Onion? Is that good? I think that's, there's a lot of- Where's the Purple Onion at, LA? San Francisco. San Francisco. There's got a lot of history and nostalgia there and kind of... I think Zach did a special there. Oh yeah, he did his special.

Yeah, that's a great special. So it's a kind of the antithesis of the semi-gloss. Right, right. But like, you know, I saw, when I was a kid, I saw a Dana Gould special when he was super young. And I just remember him being super sweaty. Yeah. And I responded to it like, oh, he's working hard.

Oh, that's so funny. Well, you know, also sweat, there's flop sweat, right? So. So do you, are you a sweater when you perform? I do, I sweat, yeah. I'm like, I don't even know, I don't- Why don't you call it sweaty? Dude, that's it. Right? Yeah, sweaty.

And be sweaty. And I think you should make, well, this is all against the better judgment You know because you want the audience to be cold, but if you want them to be warm Then then they're uncomfortable if they're sweaty. Oh The whole thing is sweaty Yeah, you know that'd be great. So do it. They say it has to be cold No, here's what you heat you put it so You do Bobby Lee live from the Purple Onion.

No air conditioning. No air conditioning. No air conditioning. Live at the. And you let that know, there's no air conditioning. So like when people go, hey, there's no air conditioning. When I was promoting it on my podcast, and then name created by Jim Gaffigan.

You know, I'll give you credit. You know, I'll be, I'll be, I'll be like an associate junior producer. Okay. Okay. Okay. Right. Yeah. If I use it, I will, I won't, but I will. You know what I mean? Yeah. Cause it's gonna, it's, it's, it's your one special. You got to digest it and live with it. But I like the sweaty idea of like it's very loose and but you're gonna do all four. Because you're gonna do a lot of playing, right?

What does that mean? I don't know, what do you think play? What is this, your first day on the job? What do you mean by play? I was never a child. I was never in a drink. Oh, you're like fuck around. I don't want a curse because Jesus is listening.

All right, yeah, I'm gonna do a lot of messing around. Yeah. I wanna go into the audience and see what happens. Yeah, that sounds great. Let me ask you something. So, you know, I wanted to see what you would have done in this situation. I was at the cellar, we were doing the, right?

I did the Village Underground. And in my head I'm like, oh well, I'm gonna go over to the original cellar and go to that restaurant and go to that back table. You know the back table? Yeah. So I go to the back table, I go there, and I see Mark Maron there, right?

And I go, I know Mark, we're good friends. Yeah. And I get to the table and it's Louis CK and Chris Rock there too. When is this? This is the day after Hularity. Wow. Yeah.

And then Mark looks at me and he goes, and I went to the bar. Well, wait a minute, that might have been, that might have been, I think that, I mean, the history of Mark would tell you that he's being not nice, but like, I feel like Mark has done, he's evolved so much. I would guess that he's like,

there's a very awkward conversation that you shouldn't interject. Also, I think I'm misinterpreting his face in my mind He was going like this, but he could have been going hi Yeah, I mean by the way, yeah, I think I gotta identify with all that by the way, you know, I have teenagers and got the the Mental attacks that we went through as teenagers. And they still exist now, but like now

we've developed the caps and we can deal with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So like, but like. We take things so, like we're super sensitive. Yeah. And we're perceptive.

And that situation that you described is like, I think in high school, that was like four times a day. Yes, 100%, 100%. It's the reason why I think I do what I do almost. That and the abuse from my dad. And the molestations. Stop trying to make me laugh.

And the molestations. You always bring in the funny. So playful. You always bring in the funny. But how do you deal with like, cause you're now, I mean, I don't wanna embarrass you, but I mean, you're around big stars. I mean, you're Golden Globe, these kinds of events.

Are you nervous around famous people or are you good with? Yeah. You still are. Yeah, it's just very weird, right? I feel like they're all beautiful people, right? Sure. And so in some ways I feel like the entertainment industry, it's so often, like it's always that scene from Wizard of Oz

where you're like, oh man, the great wizard, and then you look behind there and it's just a guy. Or like, you know, even like, but this happens, it's like you have a crush on a girl or like, you know, even like, but this happens, it's like you have a crush on a girl or someone and you're like, the crush is only because you don't know anything about them. And then you get to know them and you realize that poo comes out of their butt.

Like. Dude, poo does come out. Yeah. Yeah. I say that to myself all the time. Like if I'm intimidated by a girl, I go, she's had diarrhea. Yeah. Like chunky, peanutty.

You know what's weird? It's like, so I did, like people have their own. Please tell me a diarrhea story. No, it's not a diarrhea story. Damn it. I can tell you one if you want. Yeah, give me a diarrhea story after this one.

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and expire in 168 hours terms at casino draft kings promos Tell me a diarrhea story. No, it's not a diary. I can tell you one. Yeah, give me a diarrhea story after this one a diarrhea story Yeah, yeah I was dating a girl. Here we go. We went for Korean food. Oh, here we go.

I had a lot of. To say Chilean. I had a lot of kimchi. Yeah, yeah. We were in a cab going to her apartment. Ooh, this is way before you were married? Way before. Okay.

Yeah. And I literally had to say to her, I gotta go home because I knew that I was gonna have... Diarrhea. A pretty severe case of it. But may I? And I blame Koreans for it. Yeah. Yeah.

But what I'm saying is, because sometimes I can't even stop it. Stop what? The diarrhea. The diarrhea. I don't think anyone has that much control. But you did in the cat, you were in a cat? Oh yeah, well.

You were at the clinch it. Yeah, it was kind of the renumeration, I don't even know what the word is, but like you know that plunger sound? You know it's like, glug glug glug. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know that one, yeah. It's like your stomach gives you a warning,

like there's gonna be. It's ready. Oh, so he gave you a pre warning Yeah, yeah, but I thought it was weird. Here's what I was gonna tell you is that so I did the Kelly Clarkson show I don't want to but and she's very nice I love her and and she sings without wearing shoes and on that show she just did the whole show with no shoes on and And so and I know some people are into that like I made a joke about that

But like it is weird like there's just varying levels of what what's Normal to someone is weird to someone else. Mmm. Does that make sense? Yep. I guess what I'm saying is why can't we all get along? Does that make sense? I guess what I'm saying is why can't we all get along? Yeah, I get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, she takes her shoes off to sing? Yeah, I think it sounded like a fair amount of singers. Did you see her feet?

I did. Nice. I mean, I'm not into feet. They can go either way with her. No, no, she has a tattoo. They could be like, oh, Cate Blanchett feet, or it could be like, oh, Rosie and Donald feet. Cate Blanchett? Yeah, yeah, I've seen her feet before. Kate Blanchett's feet. So you are in the feet. Yeah, I like them. Yeah, I mean if they're ratchet I can't do it. Yeah, I mean. Like if a woman's feet are

ratchet dude, I cannot cum. So like, okay. No, I'm being real. Like'd be like, even because you're not staring at the feet. Let me finish. Okay. Okay. You're like, you're not staring at the feet. I don't think there is an explanation. Yeah. There is one.

No, no, no. Yeah, let me try. Before you think I'm crazy. Even if I see the feet, because when you're in the act of love, you know what I mean? Yeah. Right, you're not looking at that, right?

But just the idea, let's say if I have her legs up like this, I'm doing whatever that position is, what do you call that? With the legs? It's called missionary. Yeah, but when you hold the legs, do you hold the legs ever or not?

I don't know. A wheelbarrow? Is it, yeah. Yeah, I call it, yeah, or maybe the rickshaw. The rickshaw. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Depending on your background. Yeah.

It's like. Yeah. I'm rickshaw. If your people do manual labor, Depending on your background. Yeah. It's like... Yeah. I'm Rick Shaw. If your people do manual labor, or if they do... If they... If they deliver people.

I think I've proven that I'm racist. I think I've proven it. So when I'm doing the Rick Shaw right, in my mind, I already... Even though I'm not staring at the feet you're not. I think I proven it. So when I'm doing the rickshaw, right, in my mind, I already, even though I'm not staring at the feet, I just know that they have ratchet feet and I can't come. Really? Yeah, yeah.

Anyway, that's my thing. Well, you know, there is, isn't there like a super hot woman that has really weird hands? Megan Fox. Megan Fox, yeah. It's the thumbs, right? Yeah, I don't know, but like, I think I could get over that I can get over thumbs

Yeah, but not feet no Really, you know you know you know Megan Fox. Here's the thing when I say ratchet I don't mean like I think she has just like they're abnormal size I Think her thumb is shorter than the I mean that I can live by it. Just yeah So you know how they're like. Is that where? Oh, so it is. She has Brad Williams thumb.

A BW. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She has a dwarf thumb. But I can get over that because they're nicely manicured. What I'm saying, Ratchet, is there's dirt. There's dirt. Yeah, I mean, maybe like. Where'd you meet this woman?

You know, there's dirt. In a well. Like they've obviously been outside for a while. But you know what I'm saying? You know, there's dirt in a well like they've been outside for a while But you know, you've never seen like you've seen like, um, like you go to hot topic. Yeah Okay, you got a hot topic No, you mean when you're in a mall do you go to a hot topic I mean if I was 13 Yeah, I do it. It would be so funny to see Jim Gavigan in a mall, do you go to a Hot Topic? I mean, if I was 13. Yeah, dude, it would be so funny to see Jim Gavigan in a Hot Topic, looking at chokers. Don't you have teenagers?

What? Doesn't he have teenagers? I do, yeah. Is there Hot Topics where you come, amigo? Yes, there are. It's much more of like a Dwayne Reid. Or no, there's some kind of like, any New Yorkers here, there's some kind of place. but it's more for makeup and.

Right, but at Hot Topic, you usually have like gothic-y people there. Oh really? Right, and sometimes you look at their fingers and you're like, oh, you know what I mean? They've been like, you know what I mean, shoveling. Right. Right, and I don't, you know, that's what I mean

about ratchet, maybe. Right. Well, but. I'm Ozempic and I get Ozempic. Are you on Zempik and I get Ozon pick you are you on a Zempik? I get a Zipik burps. Yeah, and what milligram are you want because you know I'm on manjaro I'm on a combination of we go V. Yeah and Ozon pick and do you like it or no? I get nauseous Do you get nauseous I get you know a little bit, but not Yeah for the first day or for the whole time?

Well, the first day I almost died because I didn't know how it works. I took four times the amount that I was supposed to. And so for three days I was just vomiting. That's directions. I'm not a direction reader. But like, yeah. Yeah, I didn't know how,

I thought you would just put all of it in. Oh really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my God. Yeah, yeah, so I put, this is the first day. I mean, I don't want how, I thought you would just put all of it in. Oh really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my God. Yeah, yeah, so I put, this is the first day, I mean I don't wanna gross Jim out, but I was doing a... Wow. Yeah, I was doing a thing with Andrew and I just,

I almost died that day. This was me all day long for days, dude. Wow. Yeah, it was really bad. Okay, thank you. But you probably lost some weight throwing up all that. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, so what a weight.

But I lost about seven pounds so far. It works. That's great. Does it work for you? It works for you. You look great. It works. I always describe it as now I eat like a human. Instead of eating like a dog. Yeah.

I mean, even when you're eating, what I find, I just, you just kind of get full. Yeah. And you're like, I mean even when you're eating, I just kind of get full. Yeah. You're like, I'm done, but I wouldn't suggest going overboard like I did because it feels like it's fucking terrible. And so, ugh, I'm sorry you had to deal with it, and it's your fault.

What did I do? I don't know, it has something to do with you. So how do you know everyone in here, Bobby? Oh, thank you so much for asking. Really? Yeah. So this kid right here, years ago I lived in a condo. A condo, okay. Okay, what, are you mad at me now?

What's the, I mean, a condo. No, no, no, no, I just, no, but what I'm just, because I just, why would you repeat condo? I don't know. What's the, I mean, I just, no, no, no, no, I just, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, oh, I'm buying it. Are you on Melrose Place? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So yeah, I owned an apartment. Oh, you did? Yeah, yeah, yeah. OK.

Yeah. It's a condo. Yeah. Oh, you owned a condo. Yeah, I owned a condo. And in that complex, he lived there. No. You walk by?

I don't know what the condo has to do with this. I'm going to tell you, dude. He's going to go through all his assets. Then he also had a convertible. Add two three S's. No, but so one day I had a fight night. Yeah. You know what I mean? You say that like people have fight nights.

You don't have fight nights? What do you mean? Like a UFC fight, you invite people over, you have wings. All right, I thought you were having like a fight. I'm gonna fight. Like people are gonna fight. Yeah, so and he is there, I don't know him.

And I go, who is that to somebody? And they go, I don't know, you know what I mean? And then what? Yeah, it's. And then we, then me and Kalyla, my ex, were like thinking about doing this podcast. Oh wow. And then he kind of overheard it and he goes,

I'm an engineer. Oh wow. This is not the story. Okay, what is it is it you Kaila? I met her at a coffee shop She said can you help me hit record on my boyfriend nice podcast and I said, I'm not an engineer. I'm an actor She said that's fine. No, stop stop. I'm so sorry. Okay, you're telling it from her point of view Okay, all right. So I don't know anything about it. Yeah. So listen to my point of view. I'm in a house I don't know you I've never heard of you right and so wouldn't my story also be true Yeah, but I don't think I did a fight night yet Okay, good. Anyway, uh

But this is a fight night. This is a Bobby fight night. That was the fight night. Yeah, that was that was it, right? That was it. That was the night. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's your condom, medium, you own. Yeah, I know. It was very Asian focused. Yeah. What do you mean? You don't invite white people. No, no, no.

I'm gonna take the kinship. It's all white. Okay, can I say something about that, Jim? Yeah. All right, and let me tell you something about Jim. Yeah, you know what? I'm gonna tell you something, okay? Okay, yeah.

All right, I was raised with the whites. The whites. Yeah, and you people. Yeah. And a lot of you are like good people, like Schindler. Schindler. You know what I mean? Like good people.

Yeah. You know what I mean? But there's some whites that aren't so good. No, I know. Yeah, I think you're one of the good ones. Well, thank you. You're welcome. Some of it is like, I wanna go to that.

Yeah, well next time I have a fight night, you're invited. But also, so, and then when I came to LA, I go, oh, there's other Asians, and I sort of just kind of decided to maybe. Wait a minute, where did you grow up? I always thought you grew up in like, in Northern California. No, I grew up in, well that's.

That's the great time, right? Like Ali Wong and Chang-Wing and like everybody. I thought you were Margaret Cho. Margaret Cho. You guys are from the Bay Area, right? No, no, it's dim. We're all over the world, okay? It's a chim.

Tim, I grew up in San Diego. San Diego. And I grew up in the suburbs called Poway and there was maybe two or three Asians in my whole sit-town. Sit-town. Yeah, yeah. So that's my... Yearbook. Wow. Yeah, those are my yearbook photos. That's me on the tennisown. Yeah, yeah. So that's my...

Yearbook. Wow. Yeah, those are my yearbook photos. That's me on the tennis team. Oh, that's great. Yeah. Dang. Yeah, that's me in improv.

I was doing improv back then. White people behind you. Yeah, yeah. Look at that. And look at that lady in back of me was laughing. I'm killing that. You know, by the way, so like a good friend of mine in college when I started hanging out with her,

she said that like when she and her family, they moved from Taiwan to Louisiana, that people would walk up to her and touch her eyes without her consent. What? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so like there is- What you guys don't realize is that

there's microaggressions, like little racial microaggressions that you we experience Maybe not you because you're young. Yeah, man. What now man? Do you know what let me ask you something? What do you think microaggressions me? Well, let me get my context clues out Micro yeah small. Yeah. Yes micro. Yeah an aggression. Yeah, like aggression, you know, yeah Yeah, so they okay you just took the word it just repeated the I broke it down. You broke it down I know the definition of it. Okay. Anyway, it's like these anyway So when I was in the 70s every day you would experience little things like that even as an adult you do like

Yeah, I was on Southwest Airlines years ago on this old man was sitting next to me and he just kind of turns to me goes my granddaughter because my granddaughter loves that Hello Kitty and I go excuse me he goes you did a good job with that right like I owned the company yeah like I created it yeah bitch I'm on Southwest with you. As a kid, kids would walk up and go, can you see? And then every day you experience that, and then all of a sudden, you just feel different. You care. I do care.

By the way. I don't think you care. I do care. I do care. By the way. I don't think you care. I do care. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I, you know, the thing is is that like we're all, I think all comedians are misfit toys. They called you albino probably. Yes, absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And so it's nothing compared, and by the way, our struggles are nothing compared to, and I'm not comparing mine to yours, but versus like what like, you versus what African Americans have dealt with. It's insane. You know what I mean? I mean, listen to the song Strange Fruit. Right? Yeah.

I have that, but I'm sure it's like- You know what that song, who sings that song? Billie Holiday did. Really? Yeah, and it's about the strange fruit are hanging black people. Oh, wow. I opened my eyes up to that. What? I didn't.

Yeah, and when you listen to the song, it's just so visceral and sad, and she really expresses the pain of, because back then, they would walk down the street and see their fellow human hung, and there's no consequences. No one got in trouble, you know what I mean? Yeah.

Yeah, it's insane. Well, it's not only that, they've expunged the history of a lot of that stuff, where you're like, oh wow, like there's certain towns where you're, like Central Park was an African American neighborhood, like parts of it. And they're like, we're doing a park here, sorry, you gotta go.

And you're like, wow. And you know, that's, that kind of stuff's been happening. Wow. Wow, wow. You still live in New York? I do. I live in Central Park. You love it?

Yeah. You love it? You love it? I do love it. I mean, it's, you You love it? You love it? I do love it. I mean, it's, you know, yeah. Yeah, I mean, I love it. It's just like the parenting thing. It's a different thing.

You know what I mean? It seems, I would think, is it easier to parent in New York? No. Because I've seen kids in New York with no parents, eight years old, just walking around by themselves. It's unbelievable.

There is some of the learning the independence and it's like I'm for the legalization. I mean, our entire career, people are like, do our benefit, it's to legalize pot and all this. But what exists in California, I don't even honestly know the, the, how accessible it is versus New York is like, so in New York, the pandemic happened to all these businesses,

they had to rent all this space. So they rented it to all these, um, vape shops and the, you know, and they're like, they essentially just sell it to anyone. And so they're not even making, and the cops are overwhelmed, so it's a perfect topic for a podcast, by the way. But. You're afraid that your kids are gonna go get vape?

No, it's like, well, yeah, you know, it's just like, I'd like to go a half a block. Mm. And I'm not even anti-wheat. Yeah. I'm just kind of like, make it a little bit of a struggle. Right, right, right, right, right. But you know, my theory, and I don't know if I'm right,

but I just think, I feel like, okay, I just talk about my own point of view, is that I feel like no matter what the circumstances of my life was, whether my parents were strict or not strict, that I was always gonna just end up being this guy. Oh, you think so? I think that people are just born and no matter what,

because I know a lot of guys that have terrible childhoods, like physical abuse, molestation, the whole thing, and they're just pretty grounded. And I know people that have had great lives that are just full blown alcoholics. Well there is that Natasha Bettingfield song, Unwritten. So there is that element, right? No, but I think the point you're making is like,

there's so many things that can define us. Right? But why does like someone having a dad that's an alcoholic destroy one person and not destroy the next person? Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of people that like had a dad that wasn't around, right? And they had fucked up lives. But then you have Barack Obama who killed it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I don't know, I think that if you, I think your kids are just gonna turn out the way they're gonna turn out. I think so too. Yeah. Just let them roam free. I think that like, yeah, I totally,

that's how I rationalize it too. And your kids are so cute and they just seem, what? I said thanks. Okay. But anyway. Hey, in New York, aren't you, aren't you,

oh, it's cause I just remember I was in New York. I remember when you were there. What were you doing in New York, Jaime? Just spots. Yeah. And don't you guys have like a bill right now where you guys have to pay taxes to Buffalo? Pay taxes to Buffalo? I don't know about that.

What, like, yeah, like you guys are helping the city of Buffalo? Oh, probably. Yeah, you guys hate that? No, no, I think some of it is just like, the state, it's kind of like the taxes are probably distributed around the state. Jaime, please ask another question.

I just want to ask a different New York question. I feel like, you know I'm not gay of a Newsome, right? It's like, well, I'm going to hit on this tax question. So if you are a Democrat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I'm sorry. Yeah, it's OK. Heime, what's your middle name?

Junior. Junior? Yeah, my dad messed up my name. Oh, really? Yeah. And so what's your last name? Junior. Junior? Yeah, my dad messed up my name. Oh really? Yeah. And so what's your last name? Garcia. Garcia.

I just gave it up. So your dad's name is Jaime too? Yeah, his Jaime senior, Garcia. Yeah. Oh. Oh, anyway, very good, very good, very interesting, very good. Cause Junior is supposed to be my last name, like my last. Not your last name, but your last.

But like he's supposed to be last. Yeah, like my last. Not your last name, but your last. It's supposed to be last. Yeah, my dad, he doesn't speak much. So your name is Jaime Junior Garcia Jr. In a way, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Very good. Yeah, I couldn't help it. It's insight that I had, you know what I mean,

I had no idea. You never asked me. You know, in Spain, they add the mother's maiden name. I mean the mother's maiden name to their name. Do they do that? Are you, where are you from, South America? No, I'm from Mexico. Okay.

Well in Korea, I'm from Texas, like I'm born, I'm legal. You're Tejano. Yeah. Yeah. More than, more. This was all Mexico at one point. Yeah, I know, can I understand in Korea You say your last name first you do yeah, you say Lee Bobby or whatever Oh, I didn't like you say um like if I'm being introduced in Korea

They would say my Korean name is song ooh song ooh. Thank you very good really yeah It's just how Kim Jong-il would say it. Oh, yeah And then you so you but I would be in That's just how Kim Jong-il would say it. Yeah. Sung-woo! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then, but I would be, and e is how they say Lee. They go, this is e Sung-woo. Oh wow. Right, so I don't know why they do it.

And another thing that they do, I don't know if you know that, is, when you're born, you're born. Nine months old. Nine months old. Yeah. Did you know that? Yeah, yeah, no. And also, yeah, in Korea, I know this. Also, the mother and the baby sleep on the ground

for the first, they have a first birthday when the baby's born. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. And, but it's, I mean, I love all this stuff. Really? This cultural stuff, yeah, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. And, but it's, I mean, I love all this stuff. Really? This cultural stuff, yeah, yeah. You know, in Iceland, everyone just had one name. No.

Yeah, for a while. Like Tom Tom? There were like Tom, well, so you know, the name John's son is John's son. Oh. Wait, this is John's son? Yes. Hander's son is Hander's son? Yes. Hender son is Henders son.

Oh, wow. I did not know. Yes. Whoa. And so all those- What, there was a daughter. Is it Hender daughter? I think it is something like that.

Something like that. Yeah. Wow. Russ and daughters. No, I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, no, I love all that stuff. That's so interesting.

That's so fucking interesting. And so wait a minute. So if you were it you're Korean Korean American if you were in Korea and you met someone you fell in love with someone with a last name Lee You would not be I think you can only marry them every once every seven years What wait, what are you being? I'll Google that. What do you mean? Yeah, well the thing is, is there's certain names, last names, or surnames, or whatever we're gonna call it, that are prominent in Korea that they don't want, they don't want cousins to marry cousins.

Ah, I see what you're saying. And so like Lee and Park and... So if I fuck a Park, it's okay. Anytime of the year. Yeah. And Lee, probably stay away from, it could be a distant relative. I don't know.

I don't know, I just remember. Yeah, but if second cousins fuck, or have sex, sexual intercourse, whatever you say. What's that? I'd say they do the silly. Yeah, so when they do the silly, if second cousins have kids, did the kids come out?

I don't think so. No, I don't think that. They don't come out that way, but they can come out that way. Oh, it's the odds of it happening could be. I think so. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. That's so interesting Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

That's so interesting. Or it ruled that the ban was unconstitutional, allowing couples with the same surname to marry. Oh, so at one point it was illegal. Traditionally, Korean law prohibited marriage between people with the same surname. ["Song of the Day"] Hey, ZocDoc!

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I know. That's like, why don't you do it now? Well, what is... The new law, 2027, what year, that's like, why don't you do it now? Well, what is... The new law, 2027, what year, right? Yeah, 2027. In Korea, they're, oh, we're gonna, I'm gonna do the accent. Yeah.

Oh, no more dog! You know? 2020, it's like, how about do it now? No. Why, they want a year of it? Well, you know, I was in France and they're still eating horses. You know what I mean? Is it different or no? I mean, would you, I don't know.

Yeah, I guess that's the same thing. I mean, look, people were eating horse tongue, I mean, cow tongue. Yeah. That's pretty weird. You like tongue? It's a huge thing in Mexico. Well, there's the cabeza too, right?

Yeah, the cow. So there's, you know,za too, right? Yeah, the Cabeza. So there's, you know, and then there's. Yeah, maybe a riot. I mean, liver, pate, that's weird. It's weird. It's all weird. It's all weird, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oysters are weird, it's all weird. Yeah.

You know what I mean? I think it's because. Eating ass, that's weird. I can imagine it. I feel like you kiss first. What's that? I feel like when you're down feel like you kiss first. What's that? I feel like when you're down there, you go first. I will.

I've never done. Yeah, I've only, I mean, I remember when I was in seventh grade and I was in shop class and you know, all the guys were gathered around one big wooden table and were using a burner or whatever. And this, I think I was in seventh grade, but there was an eighth grader there. And he's like, and a girl walked by and he goes, yeah, she's all right, but she ain't got no ass.

And I remember thinking, ass? What do you mean? You mean like where the poop comes from? Why would I care about someone's ass? But then later you get appreciation. It's weird. It's weird through time. Very weird, right? And when he says ass, it's probably just the cheeks,

not the butthole part. Yeah. Yeah, it's the shape and the form. Yeah. Are you a flat yeah. It's the shape and the form. Yeah. Right? Are you a flat ass or you like bulby? I like... Bulby.

Like a Brazilian. Like a Brazilian. No, no, no. I don't like... Like a Brazilian, you know what I mean? Where it sticks out. I look like, I like the type of ass that I look like I'd like.

You know what I mean? All right, flat. And well, I would- You look like you like flat. Like bone ale. I wouldn't say flat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I would say feminine.

You know what I mean? Oh, I don't know. So not like, like some people like JLo, that doesn't do anything for me. Yeah. Really? No. Why? Or Kim Kardashian, that's- Yeah anything for me. Yeah. Really? No. Wow.

Or Kim Kardashian, that's... Yeah, it's too much. Well, let me ask the other dorky white guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How do you feel? He's married to a Korean, and they generally have bony asses. Yeah.

Is it bony? I have an appreciation for bulbous asses. Yeah, but your wife does not have one? No. Okay. And there's no shame in the game. You want what you can't have? Yeah And there's no shame in the game. You want what you can't have? Yeah, there's no shame in the game. I mean, I also, I mean, I probably won't wanna talk

about this, but I'm just gonna, I'll express myself. Yeah. And you might not have to add to it. Yeah. But there's a specific kind of vagina I like. All right, I won't. I'm gonna ask you. You know what I mean?

And I'd like, you know, I'm more of a- You're curating, isn't it? I mean, like, isn't there kind of like, I always thought that like, there was like a pheromone thing. I mean, I've been married for 20... There is a pheromone thing. But like, so you're sitting there, you know, you're going, cause we've all had like crushes on women

and then you kiss them and you're like, oh, it's okay, it's a little weird. You're talking, you're like doing like a taste test or something like that. It's, I'll tell you what it's like. It's like the prize in a Cracker Jack box. You don't know what you're gonna get, right? Usually tattoos.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or a piece of gum. Yeah, like a piece of gum, right. Wait, what's Cracker Jack? Oh, nevermind, okay, yeah. Or a piece of gum. Yeah, like a piece of gum, right? Wait, what's cracker jacks? Oh, nevermind. Okay. Sorry. I was thinking about Apple Jacks.

You ever had Apple Jacks? I have had Apple Jacks. But you've had Cracker Jacks? Is it the box? Yeah, yeah. It's a box. There's nothing in it. It's the box.

Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's crackers, right? No, no, it's not crackers. Is it the animals? It's popcorn covered in caramel. You're thinking animal cracker. Like at a baseball game.

Hi, Maple, what the fuck, man? I'm just trying to figure this out. So let me make my point, okay? My point is this, okay? It's just like, you know, it's not a deal breaker for me, but if I really like a girl, and I go, I have feelings and we really get along, and then eventually we get to a point where I get to see,

you know what I mean, the vagina, right? There are times where I go, ah, shucks. And you know what I mean? And it's like, I just, you know, it's not. All right, let's take a round of hands here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. From any of the men in the room that have actually had sex.

Who has, no, I'm joking. Yeah. Not me? No. But like, no no but like I I find your approach unique right or is that unique or like is it a generational thing where guys like I'm happy I'm happy to be there yeah yeah yeah you're happy happy to be okay I'm happy to be what I'm just happy to be yeah okay so grateful you're happy to be okay. I'm happy to be in what I'm just happy to be Yeah, okay, so grateful you're happy that the chloroform has

I can't believe I can't believe what I'm hearing right now I think that everyone in the room is lying to me really there's no way Yeah, if it was a roast beef situation, there's got to be like ah shucks That's interesting Yeah, if it was a roast beef situation, there's gotta be like, ah shucks. That's interesting. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. That's all, I mean, you know. Oh, so I think that. Is this wrong?

It's just you going, ah shucks, just staring at it. I say it in my mind, I don't say it out loud. And so you say, ah shucks, because what is the disappointment there? It's not the style that I like, but it's like, but I, can I, I'll be another, I'll be Frank. I'll be Frank again, all right? All right, you be Frank.

I'll be Frank, I'll be Frank Caliendo. No, I'll, no. John Madden. What I want to say is there have been women that have seen my situation and I could see in their eyes like, ah shucks. Ah. Yeah, yeah, and they look in there, they go, and they go, I guess this is what eyes like, ah shucks. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And they look in there, they go, and they go, I guess this is what, you know, it is. Right, and I go, but we like each other, right? Yeah, and I've stayed in many years. You must be so relieved that you have them gagged. Yeah, yeah. But it's like, you know, there's been an ah shucks-y kind of a moment that I've seen in them.

I've been told that I have boyfriends. But that might be you you know, there's been an oxydoxy kind of a moment that I've seen in them. I've been told that I have boyfriend. But that might be you imagining that, right? This goes back to like. Here's the face. Here's the face. Yeah. Can I show you the face? Yeah.

Zip, underwear down. Really? Who are these? I mean. No, it's not that. Yeah, I mean. It's not that. By the way.

I'd kill myself if that happened. By the way, you know. I'd kill myself if that happened. That'd be so depressing. What I thought was, I mean, this is my second time coming here, and I feel like, you know, when you arrive for a podcast for comedians, in a way, it's like you're going to therapy.

You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, do you need to use the bathroom? Okay, and now come in here and say all these things. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I do. I don't know if that has any. But back to you and your... No, these are just thoughts that I have.

I could be wrong, but it's just like, I do have, even like, do you cut like breasts or not? You have a style of breasts that you like? I do not like gigantic. Me too. Bro, amen. Right. Amen. I like kiwi fruit.

Yeah, I like the champagne glass. Yeah, the champagne glass, yeah, very good. Yeah. What does it look like? They look like a champagne glass. So like, it's supposedly a champagne glass you've seen a champagne. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So like if you put that up that's supposedly Yeah, I don't know. I mean do you have a preference like give me like, you know, give me I said I'm just grateful to what I have. Yeah, oh what you have what I get from her What you know what you know, dude, I'll ultimately do I think you're right. I think I get from her. Well, you know what, ultimately dude,

I think you're right, I think I'm grateful too because all my life, up until I started standup, I really had nobody. Yes. You know what I mean? It's only when I had the confidence of doing standup and like, oh, people do like me, or I am worthwhile or whatever.

And then you also can feel it. I remember the first time, I mean, I've told this story before, but my story was, since I was a kid, nothing. And I was 23 years old and at the comedy store in La Jolla, is where I started, they used to, if you were a doorman, you were able to host one of the weekend shows. Which is huge because it's like, the headliners come in, and that's how I met Pauly back

then and you know all these guys and all these kind of guys right and so I remember one night there was a beautiful girl in the front row and we there was no also back then there was no cell phones yeah right yeah so then after the show I was you know I closed up the show like one more time for whoever it was and I get up and I turn to this girl and I go did you know, I closed up the show, like one more time for whoever it was, and I get up, and I turn to this girl, and I go, did you have a good time? And she goes, oh yeah, I did. And at like one in the morning,

I was like mopping the comedy store, and Fred Burns, the manager, goes, Lee, you have a phone call. Right, and I go to the phone, and it's that girl. She goes, hey, I just never got your name Or like you just seem so sweet and you're so funny She goes you want to hang out and that's how it happened. I couldn't believe it. It was it I it was like Winning the lottery. Yeah that feeling. Yeah. No it is and you know, the amazing thing is that woman was Hillary Clinton is that woman was Hillary Clinton. No, but you know, I remember.

That's how old you are. I remember so clearly the going into the DC improv. Love that room. A great room, right? And so going into the DC improv, and this is finally when I was headlining. What year? Do you know? 1901. No, it was, I don't know when it was. And I was headlining and I think,

I had gotten some confidence, but I remember this moment so clearly because I, oh, it was after the show. So like before the show in, before they had the green room there, you would kind of just hang in the back or hang, hang in the hallway outside of the room. But if you wanted to watch, you had to be in the room with the audience. It's like the Addison improvs act that. And the audience, they don't know who you are or they don't really care. And so I remember standing in the room and I was like, these people have no idea who I am and that's fine.

And I did my show and then afterwards I was selling CDs and I remember thinking like, are these girls flirting with me? Oh. And I remember thinking, oh my gosh, because I had this good show, they are treating me differently. I have to remember that like, this is not about who I am. This is about what they've seen.

Like, it's not like I'm suddenly good looking. And then like a week later, I was like, I'm good looking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know what I mean? Like, no, but I knew it's like, oh, this is purely the runoff from the show. This is not what they really think. And I was like, I gotta make sure that I don't buy the hype.

But is it that or, you know, so when I was in San Diego, I worked at this place called The Panic and it was a coffee shop. And I worked there with a dwarf. I love them. They're so magical. You know what I mean? And they have candy corn, they love it.

You know what I mean? Anyway, Ben, this guy, his name is Ben, he had tattoos. Yeah. I'm not, can you Jim? Everyone in the room? Yeah. This dude used to date supermodels. Wow.

The most beautiful women, I couldn't believe it. I couldn't fucking believe it. He's like this man, you know what I mean? Yeah. And one day I asked him, I go, hey Ben, how do you get so many girls? He goes, Bobby, I go to bat, and I strike out 100 times, but sometimes I hit the ball.

And he looks at me and he goes, Bobby, I've never seen you swing. Wow. Right? And in my mind I realize, oh, it's a numbers game, and he also has the confidence. He has nothing to lose. And I think that's what I was lacking as a young guy. Any rejection, I take it so personally, right?

But there's some people like Ben that was like, nah, fuck it, it's a numbers game. Yeah, and also, I think doing stand-up comedy, you kind of consume a fair amount of humiliation. It's like if you're joking and sarcastic with a woman and she thinks you're a weirdo, it's like, that's fine. I've got a show to do a little while. Do you know what I mean?

So, God, that's so interesting. It really is confidence. It is confidence. And I think that by doing stand-up, we's so interesting. It really is confidence. It is confidence. And I think that we, by doing standup, we build that confidence. Yes. And then we, and because we get so much projection in our job, right, that, you know, they say,

I've, many times I've had girls go, no. And it does, it's not that painful, you know what I mean? But a little bit, it hurts a little bit sometimes, you know what I mean? Yeah. But I also wanted to ask you, I was thinking about this, because you know when you're struggling,

because you started in New York, and I can't imagine what your struggle was like. But it's like, I mean you got probably spent plenty of stage time, and it's a great community, but you have these dreams. Like, remember those feelings of like, am I gonna ever make it? How do people make it?

Yeah, no. Now that you have, do you feel it or no? Because you're at the top, I don't wanna embarrass you, but you're in the top of the field, I mean, of your field. Well, thank you. I mean, I would say that there was a significant amount of time where I was like, all right, it's not going to happen.

And I'm going to be the weird uncle that lives in a tiny weird apartment and- Or condo. And or condo. Or condo, or condo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very good, Jaime. But I was, I was, but I was like, all right, fine.

You know, like I, I joke around about coming here and saying, this is like therapy. I like went through therapy for like, I don't know, 10 years, you know what I mean? And so like some of it was, I think I was like, I was very angry. I was like, I was very angry. I was like, I'm, you know, like, I can't believe it's unfair, da da da.

And I see it in my kids too, that same kind of, because the anxiety, the anxiety of being a teenager, you know what I mean? Yeah. It was, and in your 20s and you're frustrated and stuff like that. So I definitely came to the conclusion, all right, so what if I just get to do what I like

and I don't get to have any measurable success? Because you talked about like never doing Montreal. I was the last person in the couple generations or grades of comedians to do a late night show. Wow. So it was very much like, I think Ian Bagg, who was kind of my class,

I think he had done Conan like maybe 10 times. Wow, I love him by the way. And he's brilliant. And so it was like one of those things where it was just, I would go on stage and there would be a Booker and the Booker would leave the room. Ooh.

You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember. Yeah, right? Where they're like, I gotta go. And like, you might be like, hey, I'd really like you to see. And so all that panic.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I eventually got to the point of like, I wasn't even kind of like, when know, in a therapy room going, all right, so I'm going to be a guy who lives by himself in a rent control department. Does some stand up, you know, like the stage time, I never really got quality stage time. I do, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know if I'm a good, I never really got quality stage time. I do, like even you talked about the seller,

I don't really work at the seller. Even now? No. Wow. Well, I mean, I did initially, me and Geraldo kind of passed around the same time, but I'm not good at schmoozing. And so like, and I didn't want to give,

you know, you would get weekly spots and I didn't want to give away the authority of that week because I'd always done kind of like, you know, shows in non-traditional settings. And so like, I was getting the stage time and I was like, all right, I'm not going to rely on one person to determine whether I'm gonna be in a good mood.

Do you know what I mean? Because even when you don't get spots, that hurts. Yes. Yeah, when you call in, and they're like, yeah, we got nothing for you this week. Yeah. And you're like, okay, but. And then you see the schedule, and you're like, all right.

Yeah, yeah. Okay, and you. Oh my God, that pain. So I would much rather do, you know, I did these rooms, gladduses and, you know. Wow, wow, wow. You know, just like really kind of, you know, non-glamorous, but I kind of viewed it

as stage time, as stage time kind of thing. Yeah, yeah. There was a booker, I remember years ago, and this person, I don't want to say his name, but like booked a lot of shows. Yeah. And I remember a comic talking to this person, and I'm like, you know what, Bobby?

This is your chance to like just have some bravery, right? And be proactive about where you are in life, and just introduce yourself, right? So this comic was talking to this booker, and I walk up and I go, hey, I'm Bobby, I'm a comic, and this person, I remember, and this, what this person said is stuck in my brain for the rest of my life.

This person goes, uh-huh, and then turned back to, you know what I mean? And that echoes in my mind, uh-huh, yeah. And that pain, but I, uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah, and that pain, but here's the thing that maybe you and I both have, is I just knew I was never gonna quit. Yeah, no, I don't think, no. That wasn't an option for me.

That first time I tried it, it was the, I was like, oh, this all makes sense. It's addicting. Right, yeah. It's addicting. Right, yeah. It's addicting. You feel it. I put this guy in front of the main room, remember, Andrew did a show.

I thought you were gonna bomb. I was so nervous. And you were- He's your son. That's right, that's right. And I was delightly surprised, because I'd never seen you do stand up. I only know you in this setting. You know what I mean?

How did you meet him? How do you know any of these people? Oh yeah, yeah. So Ralph Babosa, you know him? Yeah. Yeah. Ralph was a guest of mine, and they grew up two doors down from each other in Texas.

And he was just sitting over there. Okay. And then I go, I want to talk to this guy. And he was just so innocently and just genuinely authentic and himself, we fly him out here from Texas. Really? To do this pod, yeah. He's done every single one in the last couple months.

So you come out here from Texas? Where in Texas do you live? In Dallas. Oh wow, that's amazing. Yeah, we fly him out every week almost, right? Sometimes we have two weeks off, but then we've been flying him out and he's been just a real joy.

He's a diamond. It sounds, all right, there's something suspicious. You're like, we just fly him out. What do you mean, what do you mean, what do you mean? What do you mean, what do you mean? What do you mean, what do you mean, what do you mean? And then I might have some projects for him to do It's like what do you mean?

He just you just come and sit on the podcast. Yeah, we get him a hotel room I mean we play him South and then you might and then you might you know, like if Bobby's bored he might come by the hotel and What is yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my God, that's actually really generous, but I still don't buy it. No, what would you think it would be? I don't know, so he is just,

you like him as a foil for you. It's like this, Jimmy. I mean, that last person that had your role was his girlfriend. Yeah, and she's coming, she has she has face paralysis. No! Yeah for two months so we're using him until she comes back. Is she all right? Well it's her she look like Harvey Dent. I mean it's like it's like melting. Oh my god. Why? So good huh? Melting. Like her doesn't move. Bell Palsy. Yeah, Bell Palsy.

Oh my God. So I needed a sidekick and, you know, he's, but he's. What about all these guys? We've been doing it for so long. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't wanna take anything away from you. You know, it's fine. Also, I met George, do you remember Maker Studios?

Have you heard of that? Are they kinda like you make robots? No, no, no, no, no. No, Maker Studios was a YouTube, well, a bunch of YouTube stars started a company called Maker Studios. And this is, that's so funny because back then, you know, after Man TV, you know,

my career was going down. I could not get hired. So in my mind, I'm like, I gotta go to the internet. And I went to Maker Studios, which I, how long was I there? A year? Parts of four years, you didn't show up all the time. Right, right, but it was, I got no traction.

So you would do videos hoping that. Yeah, like I would do like sketches and stuff and nobody watched, but they assigned George as my producer back then and then when we started Tiger Belly like eight years ago, nine years ago, we asked him can you help help and he's created a whole company now because he produces also Bad Friends, my one with Andrew. Yeah. You don't have a podcast? No, I don't. You'll probably never do one. I don't know. I mean, no, I'm jealous of it though

because I feel like it really is this good time to hang out and you have these busy lives. You know what I mean? It saved my life. Right, so like you and Andrew are buddies and you get to, you have to hang out. I mean, unless you guys are sick of each other. No, you know what, we,

you know, we have different, I know my role in our relationship. Yeah. You know, like Wham, or like Simon and Garfunkel. You're not George Michael. No, I'm the other guy. Oh really? Oh yeah, I'm Garfunkel for sure.

Really? Yeah, I'll tell you why. I don No, I'm the other guy. Oh really? Oh yeah, I'm Garfunkel for sure. Really? Yeah, I'll tell you why. I don't, I don't. Well the audience might not think, right? But I play the Garfunkel role because I think that you can't have two big egos in a situation. Somebody has to take a step back and I do that because it's just my personality type. And I adjust, you know what I mean, in a situation, somebody has to take a step back and I do that because it's just my personality type.

And I adjust, you know what I mean, so that we can keep this good thing going. No, it's, I find that, I mean, I don't even, I don't know Andrew that well, so it's like, but you're really bad mouthing him. No. No. No, but the thing is, is like there is in the acting,

there are huge egos and I don't have any problem with it. So like people are like, oh, that guy's really difficult to work with. And I'm like, not really. You know what I mean? If he just show up prepared and like, don't need to be the center of attention, it's fine. Yeah, I prefer it.

I prefer working with really crazy actors. Like, you know, I don't want to say the center of attention, it's fine. Yeah, I prefer it. Yeah. I prefer working with really crazy actors. Yeah. Like, you know, I don't want to share the show, but a couple years ago, I was on a show. Hillary Clinton. Yeah, Hillary Clinton. Who was? There was a show that you were on.

Yeah, and you know, there's that cast area where the high chairs are. It was perfect, I could just play my candy crush or whatever and this person's not bothering me. And we're not bothering each other, you know what I mean? It's just that, I never think that, oh I'm gonna find my lifelong best friend from this show. That's never happened.

Yeah, no, no, yeah, it is. Let me ask you, so do, cause you've been working a lot as an actor. Yeah. Do you get nervous? Yeah, I mean, yeah, I would say the first day. It's so nerve-racking. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

But some of it is I'm so excited to get the job and I'm more nervous about maybe the, you know, making sure that the character, you're doing it right. But like when I did SNL, I was like, they could fire me. You know what I mean? Like we were doing the table read, I was like, oh, you know what, they could just be like, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

We're not feeling it, we're gonna go a different way. I fucking hate table reads. Oh, I hate table reads, too. I hate them so much. They're so, I understand the value of it, but like, they're so fake. Yeah, I did a table read once. I said, shit take, right?

I go, yeah, you know, it's shit take. And then, everyone's laughing in the room. And then some guy just yells out, it's shit talky. Not after, during. You know what I mean? And then now you're blushing. Oh yeah. You blush, and you go.

And then. And then. And then. Was he a white guy Oh, yeah. You blush and you go. Was he a white guy? Yeah. Yeah. He was a white guy. He was a white guy. It was me. I didn't know it was my next guess.

Yeah. No. I hate him. So you know who that guy is? Who? That said Shatake. Yeah. Well, but some of it is like, I don't even, I don't like the fact that the word read and read

are spelled the same way. Dude. Why? Why? I never even thought about that, but why? Yeah, they gotta change it. Who's the Warner Brothers head of the president? Japanese guy?

No, he's a white guy. Joe Walsh, not Joe Walsh. He was in the Eagles. No, no. I know the reference. Johajimus? Is he like a, let me see. The guy from Warner Brothers?

Yeah. This guy? What's his name? Johajimus? No, it's anyway. David Zaslav? What? David Zaslav?

No, no, it's television. Anyway, he's like the David Zaslav? What? David Zaslav? No, no, it's television. Anyway, he's just like the president or whatever back then. Anyway, I was on a show and so there's two tables, the cast table and then there's fucking, you know what I mean, the industry writers, producers table, right? And they were attached.

So you were literally like, they were right here. And the president of Warner Bros. was right there. And he would just go, and I'm just sitting there, you know what I mean? You're like, the, the, the, shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and it was, it was, I just,

and I remember going to one of the fucking producers, and I go, is there any way I could just move to the, like, change, it's throwing me out, he's like, no, this is, I go, oh fuck, okay. I have to put lines between the words. Do you know why? Why, because you'll just speed through it? Yes, it reminds me to take my time.

Oh, that's interesting. Really? Yeah, I think it's interesting. Yeah? Yeah, no, it's interesting. Yeah? Yeah, no, it's just. Have you ever had a- Because we're also, as standups, we're spoiled by having complete control.

And then in an acting situation, people are like, yeah, that was interesting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But this time, if you could do it the right way. Yeah, I mean, because when you get an offer, you get offers, right? You don't read anymore, if you could do it the right way. Yeah, I mean, cause when you get an offer, you get offers, right? You don't read anymore, do you?

I read occasionally. Me too, I read sometimes, yeah. But when your offer, this is the worst, and the first day, they don't know exactly how you're gonna do it. Oh yeah, yeah. And I hate that. Oh yeah, no, I've heard about actors, they're like, I prefer to audition.

I'm like, well, I don't prefer to. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But like when people're like, I prefer to audition. I'm like, well I don't prefer to. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But like when people are like, we know what you're gonna do. And you're like, what am I gonna do? And they're like, we know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're like, well what do you mean?

We saw this clip from 30 years ago. You're gonna do that. And I'm like, I've done a lot of different things. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you do the first take and you can see them in Video Village kind of frantically talking to each other. Yes. Oh, no, don't do it, don't do it, don't do it.

Right, right? You know, yeah, and they're like writing things, right? And you're like doing the scene, you're going, I'm doing it wrong. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And they come up with notes. Yeah, well, it's, you know, he's just, your motivation's wrong.

And I was like, can you just slow down? No, yeah, just, just, you motivation's wrong. And that's what you can just slow down. No, you just, just slow down. You're doing good. Yeah, just. No, you know, also, you know, the thing is, it's also like on TV shows when you're the guest star and like the director can only direct you. So they over direct you

because the stars are like, get away from me. Right, right, right, right, right. And so then as the guest star, they're like, I know you only have two words here, but I'd like you to emphasize the second one, because I went to get a graduate degree in theater, and now I'm earning $100,000 a week directing a sitcom. I hate guest starring on three-camera sitcoms.

Yeah. I mean, Sean says really good episode. And you know, I'm guest starring, there's a door that opens, I have a couple of lines. Yeah. And in my mind I'm like, I can't think of it. I can't, what is it, right? And I just remember opening the door, and as soon as I open my mouth, in my mind I'm like, it comes it, right? And I just remember opening the door,

and as soon as I open my mouth, in my mind, I'm like, it comes out. It came out like, I kinda, hello. You know, like, and they, you know, they laugh. The audience laughs, and I go, ha ha ha, right? But as I'm resetting myself, I'm like, oh my God. It's a nightmare. It is such a whirlwind, right?

It's a human nightmare. But then you get your groove. I think it's weird when you're doing standup and you do a joke that you've done 500 times and you go on stage and it just comes out differently. You're like, I wasn't gonna say it like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I've done that before, yeah, yeah, I do. You're like, I've gonna say it yeah yeah yeah I've done

that before yeah yeah you're like I've never said that version of it but or it's like you see it that you don't think about it it just it's so like second nature but then when you start thinking about what word is that that I use like I don't know it's a weird thing where and then once I focus on the word that I don't know yeah you know what I mean? It comes out weird. Anyway, do you have anything, your Hulu special? Yes. Oh, wait, really quick. I have this great clip.

I like your voice. Oh, thank you. It has like a good, like, Richard Jennings. Thank you. Oh yeah, that's my first set. Caroline's Young Jim Gallagher. Wow. First TV set.

Thank you. So different. Oh my God. Can we listen to one, couple of jokes. Oh, wait. Let's go. Actually, that's what my dad would do. My dad would just demand that people have a good time. He'd just be like, just go out there and be in a good mood. He'd be like, dad, it's a funeral. I don't care, go over there and smile. Okay, push pause. Is it hard to watch? It's just so weird,

because that was my first TV set. Okay, push pause, is it hard to watch? It's just so weird, cause like, you know, that was my first TV set. I was so thrilled to get it. They had me go on last. Oh. I think I went on after Mario Cantone, who like, I know, I did Sex and the City with him. And who's just got like, he's a bundle of energy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And this is like, so in the 90s, and I remember thinking, I mean, it went well, but, and I remember it's also cause my dad was alive and I'm like, dad, I'm on Caroline's comedy hour, it's on A&E, it's gonna be on this day, at Tuesday or whatever. And I called him next to day and he was like,

I couldn't find the channel. Yeah, so it's just like so funny. And so like my standup was all about, I have a crazy dad. Yeah, yeah. And now I'm like, I got crazy kids. Oh wow. It's gone full circle.

Did your dad ever see your success? He saw me on Letterman. Oh, that's huge. Yeah, and so like there was an article in the local paper where they took a photo of him holding my headshot. So sweet, that's good. So he got to see, because a lot of people, parents, they don't get to see.

No. Yeah, they're like, yeah, my son's doing comedy over there 40 years in LA, hasn't made it yet. No. Yeah, they're like, yeah, my son's doing comedy over there 40 years in LA. Hasn't made it yet. Yeah, yeah. And it is, it is so strange, right? Because it is for so long, it's like, how's the comedy thing going?

You're like this mental patient. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? How are you, how are you doing with that? And then, and then eventually, then there's a switch to like, I knew you could do it. I knew you could do it. And then it's like, I wish people would stop asking me

if I'm related to you. I put my dad on Matt TV. You did? Oh, awesome. Yeah, and he got residual checks. Oh, sweet. Yeah, and he got residual checks. Oh sweet. Yeah, and. Pure status.

He couldn't believe it, like, you know what I mean? Like, I got, I'm so grateful that I was, I had that time so that he could see the fruits of all those years of worrying. Because you worry. Oh my God. Like if your kids wanted to do stand up, would you support it or no?

I mean, my 18 year old does do it. I've gone on tour with him and it's bananas. So like you think you're nervous before a big show, imagine your son's going on, then you're going on. I can't imagine. Like, ah! Yeah, yeah. So yeah, so we're doing, I'm doing, his spring break,

we're doing, I'm doing, his spring break, we're doing Lexington and Owensboro and Knoxville and Chattanooga. And these are theaters. Yeah. Yeah. Does he do 10 minutes? What does he do? No, he does like seven. Seven minutes. And some of it, it's like that's the whole thing,

the grind, I don't know if he wants the grind. You have to, you have to like have kind of, there's no logic behind what we do. Yeah, also stand up is a unique thing where you kinda need street credibility. Like you have to, if comics don't see you grind, it's almost as if they're not like fully behind you. Yeah.

Well authenticity. Yeah. Like you see a guy like Dave Attell, and you can see it all in his face. Yeah. You know what I mean? And all these guys, you know what I mean? I'm not that Dave looks weathered, I'm not saying that.

I'm just, he's a very handsome man. But my point is is that you can just see that he went through'm not saying that, he's a very handsome man, but my point is that you can just see that he went through it. He is a little weird looking, yeah. A little mythological, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. But it's like, so your kid, your son, like even the other rock brothers, like Tony Rock.

Tony Rock, you know what I mean, didn't, Tony Rock, by the way, is so fucking funny now. Yeah. He, I can't believe how funny he is. I mean, he really worked his way up, and now he's his own thing, but he couldn't slide on the Rock name. He had to really.

No, I think that might have been a burden. I think so, I think it is a burden, yeah, yeah, yeah. And so it's like, when I see, you know what I mean, and also when comics have to reinvent themselves like Theo You know, he was a he was a MTV road rules guy. Yeah, and then one day he went I'm gonna do this and he had to Reinvent and make his mark on his own. Yeah, and it's fucking hard man. Yeah. Yeah. So, um, Jim, would you want to plug anything? Just you know, I need hair plugs. Yeah. No, the skinny. I'm going on tour. When's this gonna drop? When's this gonna drop? Probably next week if that's what you want.

That would be great. So I'm going on, I got some tour dates. We're in with this young comedian, Jerry Seinfeld. Oh, that's right. The new up and comer. What's that like, by the way? It's amazing, it's great. It's incredible. Because they are seeing,

the audience is just in an electric mood, whereas I feel like people that come to my show, it's much more of a peer thing. They're like, yeah, Jim's my friend. I don't consider people that enjoy my comedy fans. I consider like-minded people. Whereas with Jerry, he's this icon. Icon.

You know what I mean? Yeah, when I go on with Andrew, it's different. When we go on the road together, it's more of. Icon. You know what I mean? Yeah, it's, you know, when I go on with Andrew, it's different. You know, when we go on the road together, it's more of an event almost. Yeah. Yeah, there's more electricity and it's like, you know, I don't know,

I wouldn't be able to even sell the tickets that on my own, you know what I mean, without Andrew. I mean, we together are like a thing, you know what I mean? No, that's all. And he's, you know, I'm so intimidated by him, I've never met him. Like even if I see Jerry Se you know, I'm so intimidated by him, I've never met him. Like even if I see Jerry Seinfeld,

I'm like, I walked out of the way, I'm so intimidated. Yeah. Is he not, he's super, you guys get along. He's nice, he's very, it's like there's a nuts and bolts that he's been famous for so long. Wow. And he's, but he's also kind of like,

yeah, I don't wanna do that. You know what I mean? Or, do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where he, but like when you're with him, you realize, oh, he is, there's no anonymity. Yeah. Do you know what I mean?

Like, so his, you know, he obviously he goes, he lives in New York and he goes and he does shows at Gotham and all that. But like people are kind of like, oh hey, Jared, you know what I mean? Like there's like what we might deal with, it's probably exponential. Do you know what I mean?

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like the requests on his demand. The level, yeah, I mean he is. Just unbelievable. I can? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Like the requests on his demand. The level, yeah, I mean he is. Just unbelievable. I can't believe it, yeah. Didn't you do one with, was it you and Sebastian, did you guys do one? Sebastian, I'm doing some dates with Sebastian too.

Wow. With New Orleans and Memphis. Yeah. And then, but Nate, we did. Bargazzi is another one, yeah. Yeah, we did the Hollywood Bowl, all four of us. That was a huge, yeah. That was fun. Huge. Just bizarre. Yeah, we're of us. That was a huge. Yeah, that's that was fun. Huge just bizarre

Yeah, I love that kid. Yeah, no, he's great. Such a nice kid. It's just a Sebastian as well Yeah, all right. So check out those days go to Jim gavigan comm. Yes. Yeah go watch his Hulu special Yes. Yeah any movies or anything? I don't think so Okay. Oh, you know what? Yeah, and almost Christmas together there there we are Any movies or anything? I don't think so. Okay! Oh, you know what? An almost Christmas story. Oh, they're there. There we are! You look like you're crying, Bobby.

You look like you're crying, Bobby. I think it's allergies. Allergies. You're allergic to... BILBER, IT'S LIKE WHAT THE FUCK?! Jessica Kruson makes me allergic. Jessica. I love her, so funny. That is funny.

I wish we all could have just gotten dinner or something. And that would have been, Bill also goes, why didn't we do a show? Oh. Bill goes, because to plug Hilarious, he goes, we could have sold out a gigantic venue, right? And that's how you promote hilarity. Yeah, but I think that's kind of complicated, because then, I don't know,

I would never disagree with Bill. But, um. I know, I know. Yeah, no, like, the, I find, like, I feel like, I'm glad they did this party, but it is awkward. Like, I got there, I'm like, I gotta get a drink. Yeah, yeah, it was so awkward.

Yeah. I got there so early, it was just me and Bill. Really? Yeah, and Bill gave me, because he was so happy to see me, because there was no one else there, he gave me a 30 second deep hug. Here's my guy, you know what I mean?

And I never felt that kind of love from him because we were just like, what do we do? And there was a lot of people there. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Also it was almost as like you flew me out here for this. Oh wow. It was like two.

What was it for the people that weren't there? Well, it was, they're launching their standup series, you know what I mean? And... These are the first 12. Yeah, and Sebastian was, couldn't make it, but there was a couple of other people that couldn't make it, but essentially that's what it was, you know what I mean?

And it, but it was so many people, I thought. Yeah, and I think they have a lot of people, I think they have a mapped out pretty far. Have you, you have not- I'm second year. Yeah, so you're 20, 25. I'm not even in this, yeah, yeah, I'm 20, 26 as the mine comes out.

Wow, is that what they told you? Yeah. We're gonna do yours last. Next year. Oh, next 20, 25? No, no, no, the year after. Yeah, yeah, yeah, which is fine by me, you know, I can just work on it, but I like sweaty. I, you know what? I will give you some

credit there on the thing. I'm joking. Anyway, Jim, Jim, Jim Gaffigan, a round of applause. Thanks everyone. Please don't let our people down I'm not going to give up Thank you so much I'm going to make sure that we can meet again Please don't let our people down I'm not going to give up