TigerBelly - Jim Jefferies is the Steve Irwin of Comedy

Episode Date: June 25, 2025

Jim Jefferies returns to the Belly for round two. He recalls the time his brother watched Bobby do a naked lap dance and Jamie trys to explain Mexican food. We talk cane toads, quokkas, cigarette warn...ings, Coca-Cola mouth reset, kidney stones, and Village People conspiracies.  Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to www.zocdoc.com/belly to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today.  Start paying rent through Bilt and take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to www.joinbilt.com/belly  Stick to the staples that last—with elevated essentials from Quince. Go to www.quince.com/belly for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns. That’s www.quince.com/belly to get free shipping and 365-day returns. Guys, this isn’t just about performance, this is about legacy or third LEG-acy. Give her group chat something to talk about. You know when you lay it down, they’re talking about how it gets up. Nothing makes you more of a legend than a little Bluechew. Discover your options at www.bluechew.com

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Congratulations. I just woke up. I know. Okay. So Bobby answered the door. You guys were already in here doing whatever you all do. And I was meant to be here at 12 55. And I was here at 12 50.
Starting point is 00:00:40 And he came very glassy eyed into the room. Why are you so early? Five minutes. Like you gotta adjust for traffic and parking and all that type of stuff. I had to park on this fucking road, which is a nightmare. You can't even have friends over to this place. You can't park in this place. What comic is early?
Starting point is 00:01:00 I'm always on time, man. I know you are. That's one of my things. What else is one of your things? Pay your taxes? I, man. I know you are. That's one of my things. What else is one of your things? Pay your taxes? I, well, for the sake of this podcast, yes. Yeah, what is another thing? I'm looking forward to Trump reckons
Starting point is 00:01:16 he'll get rid of income tax. I reckon that's gonna be all right if he does that. I don't think he's gonna do that. I'll never call him Hitler again. I'll call him my Fuhrer. If he gets rid of income tax, you won't hear any more complaints out of me. I'll be the biggest fan he's ever had. How much money would we save? So much, right?
Starting point is 00:01:34 Well, it would be different for each person. Yeah, but for richies like you? I'm not as rich as you. I don't have a podcast studio. But I do have somewhere to park my car so swings and roundabouts. What's your take on an Air1? Okay when the Air1 was built my wife said this is amazing this will raise the value of our property and because people want to be near the Air1. Yeah. And you know look we might be making money if my wife wasn't buying a $25 smoothie a day. You know, it all adds up.
Starting point is 00:02:06 It all adds up. It's worth it, no? The $25 smoothie? Yeah, yeah, and my wife the other day got into me because we had two Netflix subscriptions. She went, oh, you've been throwing money down the toilet and she drank her fucking smoothie from Air One. No, look, some of the, I don't mind Air One area.
Starting point is 00:02:22 I like it, it's chill to run around. There's a candy store there that is fucking pointless. Oh yeah, yeah, it's gonna close. It has to. It's gonna close. We want it closed. It's just, who buys bags of candy? Like, if you're at the movies and you can go buy a bag of candy because you're gonna sit there with your feed bag,
Starting point is 00:02:38 but who just buys a bag of candy for home? Um, Jim, kids do. But it's overpriced. It is expensive, it's near Air One area. Okay, okay, okay. This, you know, if you wanna just get cheap chocolate or whatever, just go to the fucking newsagents. You have so much grunt. In every place you go, do you find out the negatives of it?
Starting point is 00:02:59 I've just said that my house property went up because of it. Arby's, Arby's. It's not real beef. I mean. Wait, how have I been negative. It's not real beef. I mean, How have I been negative? What's not real beef? Arby's. Oh, Arby's.
Starting point is 00:03:11 That's not gonna be. I like how you use that as the example of, he could make fun of anything. He'd complain about Arby's. If you're not complaining about Arby's, you're not complaining about enough in your life. Okay. Well, I'm not as fast as you.
Starting point is 00:03:29 I just came up with Arby's. I'm so sorry. Okay. What's another one? McDonald's? Anyway, let's move on. I don't mind McDonald's. I reckon McDonald's is better.
Starting point is 00:03:37 Hi-Ho, do you think it's the best? Hi-Ho is all right for me. I prefer Five Guys. I think he's a better burger. But Hi-Ho is a grass-fed burger and so that's a big deal for me. The grass-fed. I've tried to move over to grass-fed. Since I found out about it... You know, the terrorists, they reckon that Australia is getting...
Starting point is 00:03:53 America imports $26 billion worth of Australian beef. And Australia doesn't import any American beef. And a lot of the Republicans were like this. They were like, oh, this is terrible. Why don't they import...? Because why would we? We got the good, the good. Yeah, you got the good beef.
Starting point is 00:04:08 You go to a steakhouse in America. What does it say down the bottom? Australian Wagyu. Like there'll be like an option down the bottom. I'm gonna do the Tokyo, Japanese one, but. Yeah, where you're like, do I dare? Do I dare spending the money? And good looking women just go, I'll have that.
Starting point is 00:04:24 But with the Wagyu, you never go into a steakhouse in Australia And there's a bit down the bottom that says corn fed American shit It never says that but it is that's the whole thing like yeah, yeah if them going If they're going are you by you buy beef of us then you should but I'm like a few then you should buy beef of us, then you should buy, like you, then you should buy beef of us. That's like getting a prostitute and then calling her up the next week going, I'd like to do it again, but you'll pay.
Starting point is 00:04:53 Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just like that. It's just like that. Is prostitution still legal in Australia? What do you mean still legal? Of course it's still legal. No one turns that back. It's like when a government adds taxes, they don't, you know, they just go no new taxes. No one's going into a campaign in Australia and we'll do this and we'll fix the thing.
Starting point is 00:05:18 The national debt will go down. We'll get more health care and we'll get rid of those pesky prostitutes. Yeah. That has been lowering the divorce rate and paying taxes and lowering the ST. There's no negative to legalize prostitution. We were just in Australia and well first of all thank you for the cuacas. Oh just go see the cuacas. Dude. What did I tell you? What did I tell you? Jim about I I don't know, maybe a year ago, he knew that we were going to Australia. So we're in the green room at the comedy store and you were really aggressive about the quokkas. Yeah, because I knew you'd enjoy it.
Starting point is 00:05:56 I know, but you're like, you got it, mate, you got it. It's like if you'd never seen a great set of titties, I would go, you gotta check out titties. I'm a little titty guy though. Well then you wouldn't have enjoyed the quokka. I don't know how this is all going. Yeah, so we go to the island. I make Andrew go, the ginger. He wouldn't have liked it.
Starting point is 00:06:13 Look at them, there they are. Look at them, wow. They're the best. They have no fear of mankind. They'll wander up next to you. They're the cutest animal in the entire world and they live at Rock Nest Island just off the coast of Perth. Yeah. 40 minute ferry ride.
Starting point is 00:06:28 But it was literally worth it. Yeah. Yeah. I told you. But I mean we don't do that. Generally if a comic goes, I might, you know what I mean, you gotta see the mongoose of the Himalayans or whatever. I wouldn't go on top of the Himalayans if I see the mongoose. Yeah but apart from that it's a part from that It's just a nice island with nice beaches and it's a nice day out regardless We did a right bike ride a bike ride. Did you did you eat a prawn pizza at that restaurant? They're the pub Yeah, but they got good. There's only one place to fucking eat Okay, so we didn't go to prom pizza no
Starting point is 00:07:01 Yeah, you go back but the quok are, I didn't realize that they were kind of the, we found one quokka. And then you find thousands. And then with the baby was in the pouch. Yeah. They're marsupial. Yeah. Wasn't that cute cause they were both dead, but I could still visualize.
Starting point is 00:07:18 Well see that was some kids got in trouble. They got arrested and put in prison and everything. Because they were playing a game of quokka soccer. Oh no. Some kids who were in their school vacation. Cause they were playing a game of quokka soccer. Oh no. Some kids who were on their school vacation because of the size of a soccer will run it up and kick in them. And that's why these animals have no fear of human beings. That's why, because everyone's nice to them.
Starting point is 00:07:34 You can't bring a dog, you can't bring a cat onto the thing. It's their island and they don't have any predators. So they're completely chill with you. And all it takes is one cunt like you to kill one with a baby or whatever you got up Fuck you your cunt. All right. Well, I didn't kill a quokka. I know yeah Here's another thing that you told me because I know I know a lot about Australia from you. Yeah, okay. I Think you told me about the frogs. Well, are the cane toads? Yeah the canto yeah So whenever I'm in the green room at any club and I see Jim, you know what I mean? It's just an education about Australia.
Starting point is 00:08:05 I'm like the Steve Irwin of comedy, but I'm less funny. All right. Let me kind of, let me see what I've learned. So many, many years ago in Australia, there was some sort of insect. There was a cane beetle. Let me just say, okay, cane beetle. And they were eating the vegetation or crops. They're eating the sugar cane. It all links together. The cane tone, the cane beetle, and the sugar cane.
Starting point is 00:08:34 Sugar cane is the through line of this whole story. This is just keep doing bits and showing your dick on stage. The storytelling is atrocious. It probably happened in Cane City? No, Queensland. Oh, Queensland, okay. So then the genius farmers were like, let's get these toads from what, Europe? They might be Danish or something. they're from a Scandinavian country, from an extremely cold country. Okay, Europe though still?
Starting point is 00:09:08 European, yes. Thank you so much. And, but they don't realize is that, the cane toads couldn't jump as high to get to the... Yeah, someone's been lying to you on this line. No, no, no, this is what you said. Okay, so what happens is, would you want the story or the thing you're about to make up? I wasn't gonna no, no, this is what you said. Okay, so what happens is, would you want the story or the thing you're about to make up?
Starting point is 00:09:27 I wasn't gonna make it up, this is what you fucking told me. There was nothing, I've never mentioned cane toads jumping too high. No, no, no, what you're saying is the cane toads couldn't eat the fucking, the insects that were eating the fucking. No, they could eat them.
Starting point is 00:09:41 Oh, they could eat them. They could eat them and they could get rid of. But they spawn too fast. Well, okay, eat them. Oh, they could eat them. They could eat them and they could get... But they spawn too fast. Well, okay, so what happens is, if, and my figures might be slightly out, but if a cane toad in, say, Denmark lays its eggs in the water, which they do, the freezing cold waters of Denmark,
Starting point is 00:10:01 they will lay around 40,000 eggs and only two of them will survive the bitter cold because that's where they're indigenous to. In the water in Australia, all 40,000 cane toads survive. So they brought out just a few cane toads to eat the sugar cane beetles and then they populated now the whole country is covered and it's ruined our ecosystem. Because of the cane toads. Because of the cane toads. Because of the cane toads.
Starting point is 00:10:25 My grandmother used to just halfway through her sentence just kick one. Like in her 80s, we'd be talking to you and she'd get a stick and just whack one like a golf shot. No problem. And if you drive along the motorways in it like the A roads in Queensland, you can drive over the top of the cane toads and they make a real good pop noise. Pop, pop, pop. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Starting point is 00:10:45 Something to do. But how about this though? Right. I'm not a genius. You brought one back, didn't you? No, I didn't bring one back. What eats cane toes? Gorillas, so we gotta bring the gorillas in.
Starting point is 00:10:54 Bring the gorillas in, dude. I don't know who eats them. Yeah, yeah. If you boil them up in water and drink them, you'll hallucinate, I've been told. Really? Yeah, people can lick the back of them or whatever, but they are, they're an ugly ass fucking toad, man.
Starting point is 00:11:07 But they have hallucinogens in their skin. I've been told, look, I've tried a lot of hallucinogens in my life, but I've been told that this is the case. Ayahuasca, have you tried it? I've never done ayahuasca. Mushrooms, plenty of mushrooms. Acid. Why not?
Starting point is 00:11:20 I love acid. Yeah, but not my main bag, but I've done lots of mushrooms. I'll still do mushrooms to this. I still do mushrooms and weed, but I don't do any other substances. Not cigarettes, not nothing. But you used to smoke, no?
Starting point is 00:11:32 Yeah, I did, yeah. Yeah, I remember, I remember. Is it the kids that did it? Yeah, each time I had a child, I quit something. Wow. So I quit cocaine at the birth of my first child. And then, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, and thank you.
Starting point is 00:11:48 And that was 20 years ago and he died prematurely and I took it back up again. No, no, no, 12, 13 years ago, the birth of my first child, I quit that. And then I quit drinking while my wife was pregnant with my second child. Wow. And I haven't had a drink in getting close to five years, five years in March.
Starting point is 00:12:13 So it's four and a half years. Did you call Turkey or do you? We did a couple of AAs together during COVID. Yeah. Which I found hard to do, comedian AAs. Why? Because you all share too much. Like, fuck me.
Starting point is 00:12:27 I don't have all fucking day. Every single one of you is trying out a new bit. No, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We can talk off air because it is anonymous, but there was one bloke who was just like this each time, I haven't had a drink in 20 years. And you're like, then keep it short.
Starting point is 00:12:46 Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't have to share too much. You're good today. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to hear about the guy with the black eye. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:58 What's his story today? That's what, so I, but I, you know what? For drinking with me and with anything that I've given up, and this isn't for everyone, I think AA is very good for people, I always just came to the end where I was like, I can't do this anymore, this is stupid. And then every time I've quit something
Starting point is 00:13:16 and taken it back up, there's been a problem that I always envied the people who were still doing it. So I would watch someone smoking and go, I don't smoke, but fuck that looks nice. Yeah. Right, right, right. And then my brain shifted to, I started pitting people who did it. Right, so when I see someone smoke now,
Starting point is 00:13:35 I go, ah, it sucks for them that they have to still do that. What, you saw me smoking. Yeah, but there was so many things to feel sorry about when I looked at you, that was. Yeah, you're alright. Is it my body? Let's get into it. What the fuck is your problem about me?
Starting point is 00:13:50 Well, you have a Comedy Store tattoo. Like, you're already in there. You don't have to suck up to him anymore. You can get through. Or do you think that stops you from paying the $5 coverage fee because you think you've got a stamp already? I have a mad TV. I like mad TV.
Starting point is 00:14:02 Okay. I'm good for... You know, one of my best buds is... coverage feed because you think you've got a stamp already. I have a mad TV. I like mad TV. Okay. I'm good for, you know, one of my best buds is, is Arden Mirren. I love Arden.
Starting point is 00:14:12 I love Arden. Arden's a fun time. She played Cindy McCain. I played John McCain, remember? Yeah. Pull that photo up for- You played John McCain. Didn't you play the guy who captured him?
Starting point is 00:14:23 Yeah, well, it was like sinners, you know what I mean? But yeah, they took me 10 hours of prosthetics to do it. I just did those Dr. Phil shows on the road and I didn't know how much. Fun. A lot of fun. Fun. Really great show, really positive vibe
Starting point is 00:14:41 in the room as well. That's me. Oh yeah, that's very good. And it's Arden. It is Arden. God damn it, Bobby. What? Your face. So good.
Starting point is 00:14:49 Well, I told you how I got that, right? They just said, you're playing him. He was captured by people that look like me, and they go, we don't care. You're doing it. And what was your voice? Just like this. Hi, I'm John McCain.
Starting point is 00:15:00 I don't know. I'm not an impressionist. Oh, I'm a John McCain. Oh, I'm a John McCain. No. I mean, I don't do impressions, so I did McCain. I don't know. I'm not an impressionist. Oh, I'm a John McCain. Oh, I'm a John McCain. I don't, I mean, I don't do impressions. So, um, I did the best I could. I haven't seen what...
Starting point is 00:15:12 I reckon that John McCain would have had a better chance against Obama, to be honest with you. He was just... You think John McCain? Yeah, he was just the right amount to go against him. It'd be hope versus hope. And then Keegan played Obama. Anyway. He plays a good Obama.
Starting point is 00:15:31 Okay. He does play a good Obama. Well, I mean, did you introduce yourself to him? He did. He did. He did. We talked about his sidekick. His sidekick? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hispanic of nature. Oh, you are? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:43 Oh, really? I didn't see it. Yeah, yeah. And I don't know what the shocker was about, but. It's my thing. Okay. That's the Hawaiians, that's not your thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What do the Mexicans do?
Starting point is 00:15:53 It's my thing. They think, wow. Yeah, yeah, they do, yeah. West Side, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is all stand-up comedians from the 90s answering the phone, that was your thing. Not like now, you kids hold it like this or something. That was what we used to do.
Starting point is 00:16:07 Wait, how do modern comics do it? Reese Darby used to actually like flip it down and pull an antenna out. Really? Yeah, that's so Reese. Just gonna pick up my phone? Yeah. Hello?
Starting point is 00:16:20 Yeah, how would you do a phone? Oh, I hold my microphone down here. I do still do that. That's still me phone. I'll just do this. That's how I do a big cock. Oh, I see, I see, I see. I still talk into it.
Starting point is 00:16:34 Okay. But I don't hear anything back. Yeah. Um, you've changed those symptoms. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. ["When I'm Alone"]
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Starting point is 00:20:44 It's fun. ["Built Today"] You've changed since... sense that, you know, I have a priority in my life. But you're cleaner. Yeah, well that's- Physically. Oh, well I smell better.
Starting point is 00:21:13 You smell better, your skin isn't as, you know, dirty. That's because there's no cigarettes and I'm not like sweating out the alcohol from the night before. It's nothing to do with my washing regime. I used to wash myself, it just didn't take. I know, well I'm just saying, you're much more mindful about how you look.
Starting point is 00:21:29 You just eat, you lost weight. I gotta do the school, yeah, look at that guy. That guy was up to no good. Oh my God. Little fat fuck, that guy. I was looking good then as well, I was happy with that. But yeah, I'm a sweaty, fat drinking guy. You know, look, that guy, that guy did all right with the ladies.
Starting point is 00:21:47 It doesn't make any difference. I think I knew you then, maybe. You would've, yeah. That was the other day. When you were in Venice, maybe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that was a bit before that, but it was around the same year.
Starting point is 00:21:58 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I've known you for a very long time, but yeah, I mean, even in my, I don't know, we're not besties. We could be, but you could put the effort in but I've always adored you thank you yeah and I thought you're pretty cool as well you know that's good for you yeah yeah that's very good pretty cool yeah yeah yeah actually they made my heart I always I always big you up to people I stick up for you all the time
Starting point is 00:22:25 I think you do. Yeah, I know and people are constantly saying bad things, but I always step in I know I always did also you've been I always step in and go he's all right. He's all right. He's all right Yeah, I've always gotten that vibe from you though. You were just super cool to me. Yeah, I can remember one experience was Montreal would do you remember hanging out there? I was, I don't know. Yeah, but we were hanging out in some sort of like green room or whatever. And I was just sitting there and you sat next to me and just like, we just started chatting.
Starting point is 00:22:53 I mean, you've just always been kind of very nice. Oh, thank you. Oh, I want to apologize for bad friends in Mexico too. That was a nightmare. That wasn't your fault. That wasn't your fault. We all tried. We couldn't hear anything. We couldn't hear what each other was talking to. It was a fucking night.
Starting point is 00:23:06 You know, it wasn't like we were at the O2 to do it, was it? I got a fucking, I got a lobby in a hotel in Mexico and he's taking, he'll probably have Jimmy Carr on fucking the O2. Who are you having at the O2? We're not doing the O2, we're doing OVO. It's still 12,000 seats. What's, how many does O2? O2's like 18,000. Okay. 18,000. No, we're just doing our pod. I know, but you gotta have a guest on, right?
Starting point is 00:23:30 Someone come on, like some famous British-y type comic? We did, well here's the thing. It's not what we did in Mexico. We, see, well we did it in Mexico, right, with you. Yeah, it was like, what you can do in Mexico, it was an abortion. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. It was an abortion, you can do in Mexico. It was an abortion. Yeah It was an abortion wearing Ken Koon or whatever and or buy oranges Sniper when he says yeah when he's ready to go laser focus. Yeah, he's like what by oranges
Starting point is 00:23:58 What do you Caitlin Clark right now? You're on a roll, dude Fuck dude fucking I can I come from Australia and I introduced him to the fucking quokka yeah you've given him a bag of oranges yeah real Mexican food not this very bad sleep well I said yeah what do you what is the difference we make because I've been to Mexico and everyone told me that the food was gonna be different and then I went to Mexico and the food was the same. So yeah, yeah, like for Mexico food here, like there's a little bit less sour cream and stuff.
Starting point is 00:24:31 Like you've taken away the nice bits and then you still, but they're still quintessentially, it's tortillas with seasoned meat. Answer him. I know it's better than the roadside. No, don't point at him, answer him. No, roadside is terrible. Oh, okay, but just ask that.
Starting point is 00:24:43 That's not. Answer the question. Yeah. That's not Mexican food right right right but keto mustang let's do the keto must I love opportunity to talk this is your window and that's what you do you fucking point to the roadhouse rose out because have you had roadside dead tacos. He takes me to that restaurant all the time. Twice! Twice and he's like, this is good Mexican food. The first time was good, the second time was bad. Answer his question. I'll tell you what I don't like about authentic Mexican food. I like a flour tortilla. When you
Starting point is 00:25:18 do those merely sort of half corn, half flour ones, what's all that about? Yeah, what's that about? What? This shitty bread that's no good but still got all the coverings. It's half corn, half flour. What's that about? Yeah, half corn, half flour. It's transitioning into a flour. Yeah. Corn. Tortillas. What food? What do you mean what food? Tortillas. Alright, so what makes for good Mexican food? What makes for bad Mexican food? Bad Mexican food and from white people who make it here like Taco Bell No, like you're saying that so Taco Bell is bad Mexican. It's not real Mexican food. What's the restaurant? Roadside is bad What about Casa Vega down the road that's everything?
Starting point is 00:26:00 No, you know mean to catch it. Yeah, it's a clip right in the end of the cafe I want to move of course upon the time in Hollywood man You never been to Casablanca? When Brad Pitt, Leonardo DiCaprio ate there in the movie. Of course, it was about the time in Hollywood, man. Yeah. But like, real authentic. If you say roadside again, I'm going to lose my fucking mind, dude. Okay, so what's the most authentic good Mexican food in LA? Where can I go? Um, there's Taco Spot in downtown LA.
Starting point is 00:26:21 Great. Right, right. That's been rated by ice. Hey, Jim! That's been rated by ice. Hey Jim! It's good. My holy face. If ever there's a place with no employees, there's a taco stand downtown right there. If you go to a restaurant.
Starting point is 00:26:33 I can't get me car washed, mate. So that's a word. Yeah, so that's it? What? Yeah, just good Mexican food. Yeah, yeah. United kind of sewer. So attack. But what do you have sour cream on your?
Starting point is 00:26:48 On your? I don't put. Do you have cheese? I don't put cheese on my pasta. Do you put guacamole on things? A little bit. A little bit. What type of salsa? What's your heat on your salsa?
Starting point is 00:26:56 And what do you like to go? Yeah. Okay, I'm a different type of mixer. I don't eat salsa. You don't eat salsa? It's too spicy. No salsa. Okay, alright. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I'm gonna tell you a story about how I'm an Australian who doesn't eat salsa. You don't eat salsa? No salsa. Okay, all right. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:05 Yeah, I'm gonna tell you a story about how I'm an Australian who doesn't eat Vegemite. Right, so okay, so you little. You have a weak stomach. You have a weak stomach? You have a weak stomach? You have a weak stomach? I can't eat spicy food.
Starting point is 00:27:20 It looks like it's killed other stomachs. So, okay, so you're saying that Mexican food, the bad Mexican food, this isn't authentic. You're a Mexican who doesn't eat salsa, a little bit of guacamole, doesn't like cheese and the thing. But I eat the meat. You eat the meat. So you just basically eat meat. And tortilla.
Starting point is 00:27:44 And tortilla. And onions and cilantro. Do you pick out a guy? No, just onions and cilantro. Yeah, yeah. Ancho and cilantro. Wow. You're a connoisseur on five ingredients. Jim, he doesn't even eat sushi. Like we had sushi with him for the first time. Never had it. He won't eat it. He doesn't like it. He was gagging. He was gagging. So I was just down in, okay. So I got this show on Fox at the moment called The Snake,
Starting point is 00:28:10 which is like a reality show on after the 1% Club, which is on Tuesdays on Fox. And it's one of those shows is like Big Brother or it's like Survivor. It's got a bit of fear. You're the host of the show. Yeah, it's just me in the jungle. Wow.
Starting point is 00:28:26 And so I was actually hosting the 1% Club Australia. Can you explain me the concept of the show? I don't know anything about it. Okay, so the snake is, okay, so you've seen shows, as I said, you've seen Big Brother, you've seen Fear Factor, you've seen Survivor. So it's people in the jungle, but they're living in a nice house.
Starting point is 00:28:39 And they have to do a task. And whoever wins the task that week, whether it be eating grotesque things, like tomorrow night's episode, you win it, you become the snake. If you become the snake, that is the most powerful position in the game. Then the secret source of the game is
Starting point is 00:28:53 there isn't a elimination ceremony, there is a saving ceremony, which I haven't seen on TV. So the person who's the snake saves the first person from the snake pit, then that person has a chain reaction, they save a person, then that person save a person. So there's no anonymous voting, there's no backstabbing,
Starting point is 00:29:08 because you're stabbing people in the front, right? And you have to look at the person and go, I'll save that person, even though you've promised another person. So it's people getting really angry with each other all the time. After all, the end of the day, it's a game you could sort of play at home almost, you know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:29:22 And then at the end, when there's two people left, like what we're seeing right now in the footage, the snake gets to decide who goes home and who is saved. And I stand around right now going, who's the snake this week? Wow. The most important person in the jungle. The snake.
Starting point is 00:29:39 Pause on that one for a moment. That looked like you. Okay, anyway. That's me, it was just, the sun was in my eyes. Let me ask you, when you're shooting it though. Thanks, that's, I didn't even think that. I like it. If you didn't laugh, I had to fucking, the next thing I had to do was come to you and go, if you could edit that.
Starting point is 00:30:00 It was so fast, that joke was fast. Yeah, yeah, it was not meant to, I didn't want to sign post it for you, yeah. The joke was fast. Yeah, yeah. It was not meant to. I didn't want to sign post it for you. I didn't do a voice. But when you're shooting, did you shoot that in Mexico? Where do you shoot that? We shot this in Argentina.
Starting point is 00:30:12 Fuck, yeah. So I was in, and I thought the whole time, if you look at all the different characters, we've got a priest, we've got an OnlyFans model. She's the OnlyFans model. This guy's an ex-con. There's a guy who's a rodeo rider. That guy's a detective. That guy's a poker player.
Starting point is 00:30:27 There's a cheerleader from the Colts, right? So when I showed up, as I said, I'd been doing a game show in Australia, which John McCall hosted the American version. They said, do you want to do this thing for Fox? I said, sure. So I left Australia. I hadn't been home for four weeks then.
Starting point is 00:30:41 Wow. And then I moved for another few weeks over to Argentina to host this show. And I didn't know what it was. And I started off with me standing on a box. And they all arrived in crates off the back of a truck. And they put the crates down. Wow.
Starting point is 00:30:54 And then I said, open up your crates. And they all came out. And they all walked out. And there was like a rodeo driver in the chaps, the priest in a priest collar, an OnlyFans model. And you know what? You know that show Jury Judy? Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:08 Or the Joe Schmo show? Oh, yeah, yeah. I was fully convinced that the show was about me. Oh. And that I was the mark, and they were all actors. Wow. But I couldn't prove it. And so you can't tell people.
Starting point is 00:31:25 You're paranoid. It just, why was there a priest in a collar? I've never seen. Because they exist in the world. Yeah, but they all look so cartoonish. There was a cop, there's a female cop wearing a bulletproof vest. The uniform, yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:37 Yeah, yeah. And so I was just like, this is. Oh, yeah, if there was a guy with a fireman hat and a fireman shirt. With a hose, that'd be weird. Yeah, the rodeo guy. Yeah, they looked like the fucking village people were coming to see. Wow, okay. I'll tell you my village fireman with a hose. Yeah, the rodeo guy. Yeah, it looked like the fucking village people were coming to see you.
Starting point is 00:31:46 Wow, okay. I'll tell you my village people thing in a second. I got some cool story about that. Will we finish this one for us though? Yeah, yeah. So anyway, so I thought it was been- Did we finish with the cane toads? Yes, the cane toads eat the cane beetles.
Starting point is 00:31:59 So what's going on? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I got the end, okay, go ahead. I don't even need you here for this podcast. I know, I know. You're a fangirl. Just keep going. But let's be honest, you should take over the interview. I know.
Starting point is 00:32:15 You take over from Rallon, okay? All right. So yeah, so we were out there in Argentina when we were talking about food. You know how like when you meet anyone from, I think the best food in the world is Australian. I think because we get all fusion food from all over Asia, we have really good produce.
Starting point is 00:32:31 Yeah, but see, you don't agree. But you might not know. I've been there. Yeah, I think the best food in the world is from Australia. Our bread is second to none, our prawns are better than the second to none restaurants. Coffee is. I know, I get it.
Starting point is 00:32:42 Right, but you have to, maybe if you ate in the wrong places, our fast food's not as good as American fast food. But you think you have the better restaurants, not food, but restaurants. We have better restaurants, plus our bread is. How many Michelin star restaurants are there in Australia? None, because we don't have the Michelin star guide
Starting point is 00:32:58 operating in Australia, so they can't be Michelin star, but that's like saying how many porn stars are there in Saudi Arabia? Probably a few, but they're not allowed to vocalize it. That's not a good analogy, but I like somewhere there. Anyways, so better than my Arby's. I mean, yeah, yeah, you're, you're the one telling me a straight face shit. You're like, what about Arby's? and tell me Australian food shit and you're like, what about Arby's? So we're in Argentina and I didn't like the food.
Starting point is 00:33:28 And everyone goes on about Argentinian food. They go like this, oh, the steak, you must try the steak. It's fuck, every country cooks steak. No one cooks steak better than anyone else. You either do it well or you do it badly. There's two options with steak. There's not like, if you go to a good steak house,
Starting point is 00:33:45 you'll get a nice steak. So all the Argentinians do is put it on a wooden chopping board and slice it and give it to you with a bowl of frozen fucking chips. They're cooked at this stage, but you know what I mean? And they're like, huh? And then you're like, it's OK. Have you tried it with the chimichurri?
Starting point is 00:34:00 You can't hang an entire country's culture on a condiment. You need more, Chimichurri's not fucking cutting it for me. See, like I know it's not a wealthy country, but then you go to Mexico, the food's banging. You go to Thailand. Thailand's an impoverished place, and everywhere you eat, street food all the way through to restaurants, banging, banging, banging. Everywhere you go, really good.
Starting point is 00:34:24 Korea. Korea, food's really good everywhere. Food good everywhere. Yeah. Yeah. But Korea is not as poor as Thailand. We're rich. Yeah, exactly. That's what I'm saying. I'm mentioning. We're the fancy. I'm mentioning poor places. Oh, you're just. Oh, okay. You're going, oh, all the Alps in France. They also have good food. You're going, you're going, or the Alps in France. They also have good food. I went to a ski lodge in Whistler.
Starting point is 00:34:57 Anyway. All right, so I was just mentioning impoverished countries. But Argentina, the food, okay, the epinadas are good. I'll give the empanadas. Very good. Black gum? Yeah. Yeah, I like an empanada. But also the empanadas, all they had was ham and cheese.
Starting point is 00:35:14 They're addicted to ham out there. Fucking hell, put ham on it. I think it's probably because it's a meat that it's cured so it can last a bit longer. There'd be some reason behind it. But they put ham in fucking everything. But I'll tell you what about Argentina. You're talking about, we went from fucking, we want to know about the show but then now you're going into the culture of Argentina. Well yeah I'll get into it. I have very exact
Starting point is 00:35:32 opinion. Look I say what I feel right. Right. I say I know. Right. That country's never going to become a power in the world until it stops having naps in the afternoon. Okay okay. They have a nap from three till six and then they eat dinner at 10. There is no productive society that has dinner at 10. If you have dinner at 10, that means you aren't waking up at least till nine. The factory should be open at fucking eight.
Starting point is 00:35:55 You're wasting everyone's time. You're not gonna manufacture anything. And there's dog shit everywhere because there's just dogs roaming free. Walking around Argentina is like walking around Australia in the 1980s. I hadn't had dog shit on my shoe in decades. Why do you have feelings about everything?
Starting point is 00:36:09 Well, this is what stand-up comedy is, isn't it? Yeah. But feelings about everything? Yeah, your voice or your thoughts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how you have, look, this is how you get. I don't have that many thoughts about this. This is how you get 10 comedy specials.
Starting point is 00:36:22 I got one coming out in August for Netflix. Yeah, you do? Yeah, I got another coming out. I'm gonna do my first one in January. I is how you get 10 comedy specials. I've got one coming out in August for Netflix. Yeah, you do? Yeah, I've got another one coming out. I'm gonna do my first one in January. I think maybe that's the problem with you. You don't express yourself enough. I don't express myself enough. These keyboards.
Starting point is 00:36:33 But any, oh, see, here we go. Look at these restaurants coming out of Australia. Sydney number two for the best steak restaurants in the world. Best steak restaurants, Buenos Aires number one. Why? Buenos Aires number one. Okay.
Starting point is 00:36:44 Number two is Australia. But steak is steak is steak. Anyway, this part of it, right? So half the crew and half the cast, while they're in Argentina filming the snake. So if you watch the snake on Tuesday nights on Fox, Check it out. It's a bit of fun.
Starting point is 00:37:00 Know that half the contestants all had a parasite in them and people were running off to shit themselves constantly. Oh shit. Wow. it out it's a bit of fun right know that half the contestants all had a parasite in them and people were running off to shit themselves constantly oh wow right there we let a parrot I never got it yeah yeah thank God yeah thank you man yeah the only one who fucking cares thank God you be honest thank you good it's cuz I didn't eat from that taco stand by the side of the road. You know? So be honest with me.
Starting point is 00:37:26 Yeah. When you guys are shooting, it's lunch, right? Do you eat with the cast or do you eat by yourself? Well, ordinarily I would eat with the cast if I was acting because I've never, you know, normally I'm not the leader with it, but I wasn't to fraternize with the contestants. Is that part of the contract? I just felt like there needed to be a disconnect between me and them because
Starting point is 00:37:49 I was for the most part the bearer of bad news. If I showed up to the house, something was about to go down, you're about to have some cockroaches poured on you, you're about to eat something shit, or one of you was getting eliminated a bit early or something like that. Something was, I never came in with like, and today is candy day. You know what I mean? So they didn't particularly like.
Starting point is 00:38:12 So there was never ever like, you know what I mean, like a cast dinner at a restaurant or something. No, but I, there's, look, I liked all the contestants by the end because I didn't have any English speaking TV. I was just watching Netflix on my iPad. And then apart from that, my TV was watching the show because the show is 24 hours a day, they're filming them. So I would just, producers would be texting me like
Starting point is 00:38:36 such and such, kiss such and such. And I was like, ooh, the drama. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. It was just like gossiping about these 15, 12, 15 people living in a house. Yeah, yeah. Seeing what they're up to all day. But I follow them all now on social media because I like to see how they're all enjoying
Starting point is 00:38:53 whatever is fame or being on TV or whatever their 15 minutes is. I like to watch, I think it's fun to watch people enjoying themselves like that. But when people are leaving the show, do you pull them aside and go, hey, nice to work with you, mate? No, I actually, the next time I see them, they're like.
Starting point is 00:39:13 Even if I'm on a show, like, you know what I mean? They're the guest star. You just say the same line every time you imitate him. Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah. Hey, mate. Hey, mate. He's Australian, that's what they say!
Starting point is 00:39:24 Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he doesn't say say at the end of every sentence. Thanks, mate What are you fucking Judas here He doesn't say it Yeah, it hooks me like I don't have to do the Australian accent You could I just feel like if, what? You can do it. Yeah, if I finished every story with you and then you were like, sayonara,
Starting point is 00:39:51 like you know what I mean? Like, you gotta watch it. What you do is pretty bigoted. You're right, you're right, you're right. Sayonara, sayonara. Like, okay, it's my word. It's my word. You can't use that word. Just consider it the M not. Like, okay, it's my word. It's my word. You can't use that word.
Starting point is 00:40:07 Just consider it the M word. Okay, okay. There's no, no. It's the M word. You can't say the M word. Yeah, yeah. Okay, so go on to the show. Okay, what was I talking?
Starting point is 00:40:15 Oh, I got quite fond of all of them. You know what I mean? Like they all seem to be nice people. And same thing with doing the one percent. Is there anything more fun in the world than telling someone they've won $100,000? Yeah. It's really fun.
Starting point is 00:40:29 Yeah. It's a life changer, $100,000 for them, for everyone. Yeah. It does make me laugh, though, when sometimes you talk to people and you're like, and what would you do with the money? And they're like, I'd buy a house and a car, and I'd go on vacation, and I'd help my mom out, and I'd donate some of it to charity.
Starting point is 00:40:46 And you're like, settle down. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just pick one of those things and go with that. Yeah, after taxes, it's rough. Well, you don't pay taxes on your prize money in Australia. Oh, you don't? No, you don't. Why?
Starting point is 00:40:59 So, playing the 1% club, actually, because it's 60-something cents, that's probably after taxes, what you'd get of a hundred grand, 60, 62,000 of a hundred grand of the taxes maybe. Yeah. The way you really want to play a game show, you want to play in Britain, no taxes on winnings. And you get a hundred thousand quid pounds.
Starting point is 00:41:18 Pounds. Wow. That's your good stuff. Don't want to play in India. You don't want to be doing a game show in India. They give you none hundred thousand rupees Doesn't go as far as you thought Would you Dog
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Starting point is 00:44:03 Like a fever, like a fever dream. And sometimes, you know, I'm 53, I have ED. And, uh, when I need to get going and there's a war going on, um, I take Bluetooth and with Bluetooth, it's, it's, it's not a tablet. People think it is. It's not, it's a cheat code for your crotch, stronger, harder, longer lasting.
Starting point is 00:44:25 Like someone gave your downstairs a pep talk and a gym membership. Okay. Bluetooth is the original brand offering chewable tablets for better sex. I'll tell you this right now. If you don't take it, you're the guy in the locker, man. Oh man. Yeah, dude. And you're the one that's being bullied. No. Yeah, yeah. Bluetooth is the king chew. the one that's being bullied. No. Yeah. Yeah blue chew is the king chew
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Starting point is 00:45:22 for details and safety info. And big thanks to BlueChu for sponsoring this podcast. Right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, every now and again, just because little things, you know, private schools cheaper, you know, gun crimes less, and you know, there's certain things, but I have a lot of love for America. I'm an American citizen. I know you are. I have assimilated, I believe.
Starting point is 00:45:59 We love you here. People don't think I have assimilated, but you know, because I say, I speak out against different things in the news or whatever, but that's just, as I said, just say everything you've got and hopefully something funny will fall out. But I would do the same thing with Australian politicians. If there was an Australian politician I didn't like, I would voice that as well over there. I did the same thing when I lived in the UK.
Starting point is 00:46:21 So I don't see that. I always felt that funny when you criticize a place and then people like, if you don't like it, go somewhere else. Well, it turns out that I don't like anywhere on earth then, because everywhere on earth has something worth criticizing. But it doesn't mean that I don't love America, but I, you know, you, you, you're not perfect. I loved the parade the other day. How good was the fucking parade just with cunts going by in a Jeep? As Trump. How good was the fucking parade just with cunts going by in a Jeep? Yeah. Mars Trump?
Starting point is 00:46:45 The squeaks from the tanks freaked me out. It just looked like extras from fucking Mash. Yeah, it was so sad. Which would be a good name for a special for you. Extras from Mash. Matt? What? Extras from Matt.
Starting point is 00:47:02 Extras from Matt. That'd be a good fucking show idea. That's a great show idea. You know what I mean? Like the Asian actors, cause it was probably done. That was for an Asian actor in the 1970s, living in LA, you were rubbing your hands together
Starting point is 00:47:16 with mash, right? Yeah, yeah. Weren't you just? Yeah, yeah. It's like, yeah, I will do mash all day. And it's like, it's like, I bet you there's a lot of Arab people who are slightly happy that the world's kicking off again because remember all the work they got after 9-11
Starting point is 00:47:30 on like shows like 24? So many. Like after 9-11, that was the golden age for Arab actors. Yeah. They never had it so good. Never had it so good. And then we became tolerant and they lost all their work. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:47:46 We, I mean, I think, have Asians had that opportunity? Maybe after Kung Flu or something, the COVID? You reckon after COVID, COVID the movie? You'd be lab guy once? Hey, they tell me not to walk across the lab without the lid on, but what am I going to do? Trip up? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know, I don't think there's been an influx of Asian shit in America. Well, okay, so at the moment, if you're from Israel or from Iran, there's going to be a
Starting point is 00:48:17 lot of acting jobs coming up, so they're hitting a good time. Australia never really goes to war with people, and the problem with that is, you've got enough white actors who could play my part in America who could just do the voice. So I've always felt prejudice against that. Okay. I felt like. I mean, doing the American accent is like a thing
Starting point is 00:48:36 that all Australians have to learn. When like, it's the first thing when you do, when you're acting, is like you got to do an American accent. But you guys have banger actors. We have, for a country of 23 or 24 million people, so we're the population of Ohio, right? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:53 For the whole world, I reckon we get 10% of all the big actors. We fucking crush. Crush it. Crush. You know what else you're crushing? Fucking music. We do a lot with it. Crush. Crush. You know what else you're crushing? Fucking music. We do it right with you.
Starting point is 00:49:07 The bands. Yeah, we do. Even the small bands all over Australia, I just love them all. They're so talented, they're inventive. What's it, Jesus Gizzard, Lizard, what's that? I don't know, I haven't kept up with Australian music. Mate, I've got kids.
Starting point is 00:49:22 You do, yeah. The second you have kids, you buy the last bit of music for yourself. But music, acting, also we were just there and I was surprised of how like knowledgeable they were with just American, like podcasting. Okay, so. A guy, I went to a mall, he shut down the mall,
Starting point is 00:49:41 like the his store, put the grate down because I was there and he just wanted me to do a private shop. I had never had that before. But I just, you said the food's great, it's just a great place. I would live in Australia, I would live in Perth. My rugby league team has just been letting back into the competition.
Starting point is 00:49:58 I went to university in Perth, I really like Perth, it's a beautiful city, it's isolated, and now it's the only place in Australia that you can fly directly to London and you can fly directly to New York from Perth because you go the other way around the earth. So they've made, before you could never get to London without stopping off in Singapore or Hong Kong
Starting point is 00:50:14 or something like that. So, and Italy and France, and so it's sort of gonna become the gateway to Australia and they've got the Kwakas, man. I love Perth, I love Perth. It was beautiful. I mean, the whole country was beautiful I mean well the middle bits not have you been to the middle bit it's just red dirt and snakes. Yeah yeah it's our documentary. I think that's why I get to host the snake now I've got to be
Starting point is 00:50:36 I've got to be the first American show game show host with an Australian accent can anyone think of another one? Oh, let me think. We've said we have all the actors. Yeah, yeah. But has there ever been a like, now it's time for final jeopardy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's never.
Starting point is 00:50:55 It's a daily double ladies and gentlemen. Calm down, calm down. I think it's the first. I think I'm the first. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think it's because the show is called The Snake. Right, right. Right, so Snake this, Snake that.
Starting point is 00:51:08 Who's going to be the snake? How is the show doing? We're only one episode in. And I'll be honest, our first episode aired against the Stanley Cup, the NBA finals, and Iran being bombed. So, it was not against some classics. Yeah yeah. But um because those gigs Jim don't they're not around anymore for anybody.
Starting point is 00:51:34 Look I'm very happy to have like a lot of people give me shit about it right. Because of course the you know that's whole thing you're gay. Do you remember when we started out we're all the comics these days, right? When, when in the early 2000s, as comedians, because Bill Hicks said once on some fucking routine, The commercial thing. That we can't do commercials, that we're a piece of shit. And everyone bought into that.
Starting point is 00:51:59 Yeah. That no comedians did adverts. Yeah. Right? Yeah. All the years I could have done something for a vodka company or this, that, the other, and we all turn these fucking adverts down because I know we're comedians and we're not to do advertisers. Meanwhile, fucking, um, Brad Pitt's allowed to do perfume, fucking the,
Starting point is 00:52:17 the, the, the, the, uh, all right, all right, all right guys. We'll have to drive around in a Lincoln like a fucking wanker. Yeah. But kind of, he's allowed to go, I'd rather Lincoln because of like that right yeah right and we're not advertise shit and now comics are advertising stuff Gillis is doing Budweiser why people do and I am absolutely no problem with this serve this show survives on advertising exactly and we start doing podcasts we started reading of it and I don't know why there was this disconnect between comedians and being
Starting point is 00:52:47 able to advertise a product. Like Paul Hogan used to advertise, when I was a little kid, everything was advertised in Australia by Paul Hogan. Before Crocodile Dundee, he was dead set. He was advertising cigarettes with a smooth menthol flavor. A flavor you can trust. He was doing that type of thing. Wow, wow, wow, wow. But don't you think that like- Have you seen the filter?
Starting point is 00:53:10 I was just in Canada, you smoked. Have you seen the filters in Canada? Which ones? The filters in Canada. Are they Canadian? I have this. You mean this thing? No, no, no, Canadian cigarettes.
Starting point is 00:53:21 Oh, this is Chinese. Okay, on the Canadian cigarettes, on the filter bit now, it just has like, you're going to die, poison, you stink. Just whatever. It just says all the classic. It used to be on the packet where you could, I used to do a joke years ago about, I've got a kid,
Starting point is 00:53:37 I've got a baby, not very good looking kid. He's been doing a bit of modeling, mostly cigarette packets. Right? And a bit of fun. Yeah, yeah. Right? And, you know, a bit of fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So this is from Canada. It's from Canada.
Starting point is 00:53:49 Yeah, but you know what the... Oh, it's in French, thank God. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank God. Yeah, look at that. It's incredible. That's on the filters, man. Unbelievable.
Starting point is 00:53:59 That's on the filters. That's like riding on the side of my cock HPV. Yeah, yeah. the filters that's like riding on the side of my cock HPV yeah yeah yeah yeah sucking it is looking down the shaft yeah yeah well they had to make a warning yeah that's on here's my problem with commercials though you went to say something go ahead no that's not a believable. Yeah, it's good. That's what you fuck stuff. Sorry, mate. Here's my problem. Sorry, mate.
Starting point is 00:54:27 He can say, mate. He does it good. He does it good. He doesn't sound like it's sarcastic. When you come out, there's some undertone of meanness. What's my problem with that? I told you about the time. I'm not done talking.
Starting point is 00:54:41 I told you about the time that my brother came out to visit me about 15 years ago in America. And I was, I just took him to Vegas. I think I've told you about this. I just took him to Vegas. And I said, well, go out there. He's never been out there. My older brother, he's like seven years older than me. This is, I hadn't even started really performing in Vegas. This is 15, 16 years ago when I first moved to America. And I was walking past a comedy club in the Palms and I said, hey, there's Bobby Lee at the front. And I was like, I fucking know this guy. I said, no, this guy, he's a good dude. He's a good dude. I'll introduce him. We'll watch a bit of the show, right? Oh, he's a really
Starting point is 00:55:18 nice bloke, really nice bloke. I walk in there and Bobby's just naked, just rolling around his own filth and now you were like you were like giving someone a lap dance the front row and my brother was like this it's all right I don't have to meet him you've never told me that story yeah we walk back out of the room we never said hello to you or anything. Wow. Look in your defense you were killing. Anyway let's go back to um. Can you do an American accent? Better than you. Can I hear it? Stop. I don't do a tremendous American accent but I do it I whatever I do it I can cat? I don't do a tremendous American accent, but I do a, whatever I do it, I can't do, I can't do like a macho guy,
Starting point is 00:56:09 but I always do a guy where you're in a lot of trouble. Wow. Oh wow. Oh my gosh. A lot of trouble. My problem with, can I finish my point here? Yeah, go for it. My problem with Aver, is.
Starting point is 00:56:20 He's an interesting fella. Ah. Ah. Is when you're going through TikTok and you see multimillionaires pawning some sort of like game app. Oh yeah. Jimmy Fallon or Courtney Kong.
Starting point is 00:56:34 Oh, I don't like that either. The video, the, I'm playing online poker. Now I know they must pay. Yeah. But it's gambling, man. Gambling fucks people up. I have a friend who is a gambling addict. I've had a few in my life, actually,
Starting point is 00:56:49 and it never ends well. No one ever has the big win gambling and then calls it a fucking day. They just keep on gambling until they get to zero. There's nowhere else. Well, I'm not talking about gambling, but you know what I mean? Like this.
Starting point is 00:57:01 Because here's my problem with this. My problem with this is that they made a million dollars a week on Friends. Yeah. Right? And it's like, what do you need? It's just not a good look. What do you need more money for?
Starting point is 00:57:15 That one isn't gambling. That's just like King's Court type of thing. It's a candy crush or something. Yeah, yeah. No, I'm not upset with that. You're not? But what I'm just saying is how much more money do they need? You know what this means? We don't know how much they got paid. Oh, that's true
Starting point is 00:57:28 You know what I mean? Like if they had if they had to do this in an hour and that paid them four episodes of Friends Yeah, fuck. Yeah, but then so so so Larry David was against it. What Larry David Larry Well, that one doesn't hurt anyone. It's candy crush thing. They're gonna, it's just a game, right? Everyone knows not to pay. No one ever pay. I'm with you, Bobby. This pisses me off. I didn't like Larry David doing the crypto one.
Starting point is 00:57:56 That one I didn't like because that's a very speculative type of thing. And it's like, but the one I dislike the most, look, maybe I'm a bit biased with the Courtney one because I've met Courtney and she's a very nice lady. I can't say enough nice things about her. I've met her too and she's very nice. A delight.
Starting point is 00:58:13 That's not what I'm talking about. She is a delight of a human being. Lisa Kudrow is very nice. Oh, and I've heard terrible things about her. No, I've never met Lisa Kudrow, but Courtney Cox is a very, very nice lady. The one I didn't like was Julia Lewis Dreyfus doing Old Navy. Why?
Starting point is 00:58:30 Why is that a problem? Okay, because Julia Lewis Dreyfus was a billionaire before she did Seinfeld. She was born into money, right? And I can also tell you, which I have no problem with because she's really good, Julia Lewis Dreyfus. She's really good. She's super talented. She deserves every cent that was ever paid to her. That's why I can, but then I don't need to see her
Starting point is 00:58:50 do an old Navy commercial for a couple of, and she did a whole heap of them, for a couple of reasons, right? She's- Is that Snoop? She's not fucking wearing old Navy. Now Courtney Cox might be paying Candy Crush. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:59:04 I think I know. Oh, God. You get what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There is a world where Courtney Cox and Lisa Kudrow are playing Candy Crush. I haven't seen this out. I've just seen the one where she's in Old Navy saying the jeans. This one's one that's missed me completely. Wow. But this is an Old Navy commercial. Wow. Now, Camille at this point was young. I get that, right? No, no problem with him. He's not worth a billion dollars. She's worth a billion dollars. Okay. So if you're a Rockefeller, you can't do commercials. I don't think... Yeah. If you do do commercials, do it for shit that you fucking use. Right.
Starting point is 00:59:49 So Rolex commercials, the slave trade, whatever you use. Right, right, okay, okay. Whatever you use. Okay, I get it, I get it. Yeah. But you know what, you just changed my mind, I guess. No, no, no, no. The Royal Kingdom app game, that makes me mad.
Starting point is 01:00:05 Is Royal Kingdom done something to you, sir? Yeah. Have you paid too much? No, nobody played. What level yet? Level five. Okay. Do you really play it?
Starting point is 01:00:16 No, it doesn't make me want to play it. Yeah, okay. You know what this says about the American system? Well, you know what? I would love your commentary about society and culture. I love it. These actors, if they're doing these fucking game ads. Does he have a cigarette in his hand?
Starting point is 01:00:30 Oh, your filters. They're not filters, put them back, please. They're from Canada, please put them back. They're little tiny cigarettes. Yeah, yeah. I have HPV. And callback. Weird.
Starting point is 01:00:40 No, not really callback, but yeah. Cut that out, please. No, no, no. Keep that in. How did he just make HPV uncool? Yeah. Finish your thought. Yeah, these actors are doing these game ads that nobody downloads, because I don't download the game.
Starting point is 01:00:59 It feels like we're about to go in like in the recession. So if these actors high paying. You buy some Trump NFTs to fight against the economy, you'll be fine. Good point. Okay. I mean, good point. Right? I don't know.
Starting point is 01:01:19 So you have the tortilla, you have the meat and the onion. Yeah. And that's all you have. That's all you have. What's your beverage of choice with it? Mexican Coke. Mexican Coke. Did you know, because I used to do a podcast.
Starting point is 01:01:31 I do another podcast now called ATM with Amos Gill. You friends with Amos? You know Amos? Never heard of him. You like him. Yeah, I would like to meet him. I'd like to meet him. No, he's a very funny guy.
Starting point is 01:01:39 Black? No, no, Australian, Croatian. OK. Which is kind of like our black people. Okay, okay. Okay, so we did a podcast called, I don't know about that, we did one on Coca-Cola. Do you know that Coca-Cola, the nation of people,
Starting point is 01:01:54 there's Amos there. I'd seen him before. The nation of people who drink the most Coca-Cola are Mexicans, that's number one. Really? Yeah, and that Coca-Cola has a palate resetting formula to it. The flavor of Cola, you sip Cola, it fills your taste buds, and then it dissipates very quickly.
Starting point is 01:02:11 So each bite of your hamburger or each bite of your pizza tastes like the first bite you've had. And that's why Coca-Cola goes so well with food. Even if you prefer Fanta, you never want to have an orange flavor in your mouth whilst you're eating food. But Coca-Cola is meant for food. And Dr Pepper works as well because one of the 23 ingredients is Cola.
Starting point is 01:02:30 If you have Cola in things, that is meant for food. Does that apply to diet? Yes. So next time you eat something, then take a sip of Coca-Cola, fill your palate reset and then start again. It's a fucking game changer. Wow. You'll never want to have a meal without Coca-Cola again.
Starting point is 01:02:46 Now, why would you, how did you know? You put Amos, put Amos back up there. Where was that, was Amos? So we call the podcast At This Moment, which ATM, which you know, what does ATM mean? All things comedy. That's ATC. Let's move on, let's move on. Let's move on.
Starting point is 01:03:05 I don't know what ATM stands for. Okay. Automated machine. You all know, don't you? It's ass to mouth, right? Ass to mouth. Ass to mouth, okay. It's the porn search of all porn searches.
Starting point is 01:03:14 It's when you have to abbreviate ass to mouth, because there's a search engine that will understand you a lot quicker. Your life's spiraled. So there we go. So there's me and Amos. We talk about the things that go on this week. We do a little review of the snake and it's basically just like this. Is this your house or? That is a section of my house. It's not my whole house. It's not a studio. I don't just live with the whole
Starting point is 01:03:37 Pac-Man machine and a map of Australia behind me. Yeah. Great couch. Oh yeah. Is that Pac-Man? Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's just an upstairs little fun. What is that, Pac-Man, yeah. Yeah, well that's just an upstairs little area. I call that in my house the teenage area where my son has his mates watch, play video games whilst I'm downstairs watching TV if I'm not there. Okay, okay. And so how many episodes is this?
Starting point is 01:03:59 How many have you done? That's just one episode you're looking at. How many have you done, Jim? Oh, we're about, we're in about 15. So I'll tell you what happened, right? So we start out, we start out, and on the first podcast, we're talking about Donald Trump getting elected and how the village people, how Donald Trump does that dance
Starting point is 01:04:15 that looks like he's wanking off two cocks. And all I said was, all I said was, I said it's so funny to watch all these right-wing, evangelical people dancing to the village people when the YMCA song is clearly about men bumming in the showers. Now bumming is a British term for anal sex, right? And so I stand by that, like young man, if you're down on your dough, there's a place, I would even argue that it's not just about men having sex in the shower.
Starting point is 01:04:45 I'd say it's about young male prostitution. I would go as far to say that, right? So I said this with the knowledge that everyone since the dawn of time has known that the village people are gay, right? They are? Yeah, yeah. That's of course. They were designed by like they were the fantasy of all gay strip.
Starting point is 01:05:04 Even as a kid when I saw them, I got there. Yeah, yeah, they're from Greenwich Village, which is the place where the gay people live. That's why they're called the village people. They were put together for this. So Victor Willis, who's the lead singer from the village people, who is- Is that the native one or the cop?
Starting point is 01:05:22 He's the cop. Okay, okay. He's the cop. He might not have known they were all gay. He might not have known because he was out the front. He was not gay? He was married to Mrs. Huxpital, Patrice, whatever, from the Cosby show. What? Him?
Starting point is 01:05:40 Him, he was married to Mrs. Huxpital off the Cosby show because that woman, she has, she has a good eye for good men. And she was married to, now he's married to a person called Karen, Karen Willis. And Karen Willis sent me and Amos a cease and desist letter that we were going to be sued for defamation for saying that the village people music had gay overtones.
Starting point is 01:06:09 Isn't that the anthem? I'm so confused. Yeah, yeah, this is the whole thing. That's insane. Right? So there he was back in the day with the flexible, right? Yeah. So we get this season assist letter
Starting point is 01:06:20 and then somehow this letter is leaked to TMZ by me. And. Yeah. What the? me. I'm like this is too funny right so I sent it to think and so Karen has on the letter she has a phone number so I ring her up right now obviously you're not allowed to record people against their will and all that sort of stuff and so there's no footage of this so I can't but she said she said to me she goes she goes you can't say that it's a gay song.
Starting point is 01:06:45 And I said, I think everyone thinks it's a gay song. I said, I don't think the people dancing to it have any issue with it being, I think Donald Trump's well aware as well. I don't think anyone's going, oh, this is a song about gays. And I go, and even if it is, I don't think anyone's concerned about this.
Starting point is 01:07:00 And she goes, well, we're gonna get you for defamation and you'll have to go to court and it'll eat up all this money and blah, blah, blah, blah. And I said, I said, all right, fine. I said, the YMCA isn't about homosexuality. And I said, but macho man and in the Navy are as gay as fuck. Right? Yeah. Right. Yeah. And then she said that. And she went, she went, oh, macho man. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:07:26 There we go. That's a real thing. Rolling Stone did an article. That's a real thing. Right? I can't believe it. And then she goes, she goes, oh, in the Navy, it's just about blokes joining the Navy. Wow.
Starting point is 01:07:40 And I said it has a lyric in there that says, we need more semen. I said, this is clearly a double entendre. This is clearly. And I said, Macho Man, she goes, that's just about men working out in the gym. And I said, Karen, I said, all right, I can't tell you you're wrong, because you believe what you believe.
Starting point is 01:08:01 But I'll tell you something about your husband. He's never written one song that involved a woman in any way. At no stage has there been a, I'll tell you, he's never written a song called Karen. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah, he's never written a song called Karen. It's like at the beginning of Muchamand,
Starting point is 01:08:20 it's like, body, gotta move that body, baby. He never went like, titties. put my dick in between titties baby yeah yeah yeah you know what i mean like all of it was yeah it was for disco i wanted for people to dance around but did you research that before you even called carol i didn't know that information because i started listening to the village people because the the thought that the thought that they uh weren't gay was so preposterous to me so i just put it on the village people because the thought that they weren't gay was so preposterous to me. So I just put it on the Spotify in the car.
Starting point is 01:08:49 And I gotta tell you, man, fucking bangers those songs. They're bangers. Through this whole process, I've become a fan of the village people. There's even songs like, do the milkshake. Does anyone remember do the milkshake, the milkshake, do the milkshake? No anyone remember do the milkshake, the milkshake? No, I've never heard of that.
Starting point is 01:09:07 The milkshake, that was like off their movie. You can't stop the music. Oh, right, right, right. Nobody can stop the music. Is milkshake slang for come? Yeah, do the milkshake is when you get home from school and you're a bit bored. It's just like when you get home from school,
Starting point is 01:09:21 you got nothing to do. Do the milkshake, the milkshake, do the shake. Yeah, when you read home from school, you got nothing to do do the milkshake the milkshake do the shake Yeah, right now you can see the yeah, then you come home from school and they want something cold to drink They need they also need something good and sweet just a glass of milk of milk It's not very hard to do it. You blend it together. Do the shake. It's basically when when you get home just before your parents get home Have a wank. Yeah, wow. That's what it's about. Yeah, yeah. Have a wank. And they're like this, I can't believe you would say such things.
Starting point is 01:09:55 Like the biker from the village people died from AIDS, right? Oh no. Well, yeah, no, it happened. Yeah, yeah. But it happened like let me guess who that there's the cop. Yeah native biker Is there a fireman? There's no fireman. Okay, you got a construction worker a construction worker. There's one more, right? We got the Indian the construction worker the cop The biker we're missing one missing one. The sailor.
Starting point is 01:10:26 The sailor. Oh my God. Wait, cowboy. There they are. That was during their phase where they were all impersonating Liam Gallagher. Oh, I see. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:10:37 Said maybe, I don't really want to know. I don't think there's a seaman. I think it's a cowboy, no? Well, in that one, he's just an an extra cop he's got like a security guard but sometimes you'd have it there's a cowboy cowboy cowboy yeah yeah yeah but Victor wasn't gay and the blokes behind him you know I don't know yeah I don't know I'm sure the biker was come on what happened what happened with if the biker wasn't gay my gaydar is completely off I have to go down to Best Buy to get it tuned up.
Starting point is 01:11:05 Yeah. What happened? I want a refund if he's not. What happened to Karen? What happened to this thing? Well, she started off as the cowboy, and then over years. No, what you called her? So me and Karen, I just went, all right, Karen,
Starting point is 01:11:22 I'll stop talking about it. Now, obviously, I'm talking about it again now. And then they, they had Harvey Levin from TMZ, right? Who is a gay lawyer, right? He does a podcast. He interviews Victor Willis. Wow. And he's just like, come on.
Starting point is 01:11:38 Yeah. Come on. It's all gay. And then he's like, there's no, no, it's not good. Cause what's happened. Let's be the truth of the matter is they're getting a whole heap of Republican dollars because YMCA went back up through the charts and they were relevant again so they're selling out their gay fan base. That's what it is. Yeah they're selling out their gay fan base and just
Starting point is 01:11:54 going with like the fact that the village people are trying to reinvent themselves. Yeah wow that's what it is. I don't even know about that. You know what I mean like yeah like you're getting rid of the cop because the police are being defunded. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, so. Because Trump basically revitalized their songs and they're probably making people. What I wanna do is I want my day in court
Starting point is 01:12:16 and I wanna go like this, not guilty. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they dropped it. They, well I wish they wouldn't. Because I would enjoy to continue fighting with the village people. So I'm trying to keep it alive a little bit now. Oh, that's what we're doing now. Yeah, yeah. They're gay, dude.
Starting point is 01:12:36 God, man. The YMCA is about bumming in the showers. I said it again, Karen. But yeah, no, they dropped it because they don't have a leg to stand on. Because you can't tell people how to interpret art. If that was the case, I'm going to say that every joke I've ever written that misogynist is actually empowering of women.
Starting point is 01:12:52 And if you tell me different than I am going to sue, you know what I mean? Like people, it doesn't matter what I think of the joke. It matters what the person thinks. And I can't stop people's thoughts. I can, she can't stop the way that I, and I would never, personally I'm not homophobic, but I would never stop my sons like if they were dancing
Starting point is 01:13:14 to the YMCA I wouldn't come over with a rolled up newspaper and go, bloody stop that. That's what the bloody gays get up to. You don't wanna, no, why do I give a fuck? I never said it in a nasty way. I't had any backlash any backlash from the gay community no one the gay community's just gone how dare you bring us into this village people yeah right right right yeah it's unbelievable man it's incredible how are the gays doing with all the problems that's going on in Palestine and Iran I
Starting point is 01:13:42 feel like they haven't had a mention. The trans have been getting all the press. If you're gay, is it going all right? You seem to be going all right. They're killing it. Yeah, I think they're doing well, aren't they? It's their month, so. Oh, it is their month. It is their month. Is it worth having a kid? Because I'm 53 now, Jim. It's not worth it for you. Why? Because I want one. If you have to ask the question, OK, but you said you want one.
Starting point is 01:14:12 Yeah, I just said I want one. Because you can't go into it like, if you, about having children, if you're like this, I don't know, maybe I'd like to be a dad, maybe I wouldn't, which is the way a lot of people go into parenting. I feel like that's what you were like. No, no, I was all for it. Really?
Starting point is 01:14:26 But once you met your wife though. No, but I had a child with someone that I'd known for two months. It was my first kid. Oh, you had a kid before? Yeah, and I've only been married once, and I'm married to my wife now. But like, for instance, the mother of my eldest child
Starting point is 01:14:40 was over at the house last night because it was Father's Day and they all came over. Happy Father's Day. Thank you, thank you. Thank you. Happy Father's Day to those guys too. Thank you. Thank you. Did you call your Oh, okay. So, so, what was I talking about? I mean, okay, so we all hang out together, we all get along, we're all gonna go on a holiday to Hawaii together, coming up. So I'm very, very lucky in that regard.
Starting point is 01:15:24 I wouldn't have more than two children. I had the vasectomy as soon as I had the second one. Because I was like, that's enough because I wouldn't, I was 45 when I had my last, I was 45 when I had my last kid and 35 when I had my first kid. You know what I mean? And so it's like for me, I already feel like an older dad to this second one. There's things that I can't quite do as much. Like what? Well physically.
Starting point is 01:15:53 Like what? Okay, but you go jumping around in a pool or playing catch for hours on fucking end. When you're 35, you'll wake up fine. When you're 48, you'll wake up and your shoulder will be sore. Right, okay. And I don't imagine it's going to be better in 10 years. Yeah. That's what you play chess then. That's what I would do. I'd play chess with my kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What an athlete you bring it up. But you could physically do all the things you've been doing for years. The man gina and all the other tricks.
Starting point is 01:16:27 You get what I'm saying? Yeah. All right, so what do you... But what I'm asking you... Have you got a woman who wants to have a kid with you? Well, here's what I'm doing, okay, Joe. Okay. Is that now when I'm dating women,
Starting point is 01:16:39 that's a completely different factor now that I put into it. Sure. Before in your twenties, like hot, that's it. Yes, true. Right? But now it's like, you know, I mean, how are they as people? Are they... Start liking, what are their morals like?
Starting point is 01:16:50 Are they good friends? Are they empathetic? Are they maternal? Right. All that stuff. How will their body look afterwards? Important stuff. Yeah, so I'm looking... God, I feel bad about that joke. Sorry ladies. I was just having a laugh. Any woman who's given birth, you're a warrior.
Starting point is 01:17:05 Yeah. Although I will say this, I had a kidney stone. I had a fucking kidney stone in Canada. And the lady who was getting the kidney stone out and did all the MRIs and stuff, she goes, I've had four children and two kidney stones and the kidney stones were far worse than childbirth. Anyway, so I just repeated that to my wife.
Starting point is 01:17:26 Why am I not allowed to say that something's more painful than childbirth? Like, they have this one thing that we can't prove either way and then the monopoly for the rest of their life. We do childbirth. We do childbirth. Did she freak out? I'll tell you what's more painful than childbirth.
Starting point is 01:17:41 Giving a woman a house, and I've done that before. And no one fucking, no one tells me how brave I am. Can equally or even more for some, it doesn't say less than. Wow. Yeah, it's. It's really bad. Oh, at the end, at the end when I saw the rock coming down,
Starting point is 01:17:59 it looked like a fucking emu swollen a coconut. Oh. How do you get kidney stones? I don't know much. I got mine from oxalates. So each person has different foods that can make them up. I may never have another one again, but oxalates are heavily contained in beets and soy and me so and sesame seeds. And they were all the things that were sort of in my diet that I was happy about.
Starting point is 01:18:24 I eat all the things that were sort of in my diet that I was happy about. I eat all those things. Yeah, because I thought they were going to go, ah, bloody too much red meat and some, you got to drink more water, obesity, weight loss, surgery, or eating food with too much salt or sugar. But my personal one was, here we go, calcium oxalates. Oh. Right? I didn't have the uric acid ones and then... I love uric acid.
Starting point is 01:18:45 Oh no. Well, the thing was I pissed mine out into a bucket and then I kept it. How bad did it hurt? Kidney to bladder is the most painful thing you have. They gave me three shots of morphine. They gave me enough painkillers for someone who is dying from cancer. Now, how long is this process, the pain?
Starting point is 01:19:10 OK. So the duration. So the cable from your kidney to your bladder is a quarter of the size of the urethra. Right? So it really hurts. That bit, you think to begin with, oh, my appendix at first. How long though? Eight hours?
Starting point is 01:19:27 All right, yeah, about eight hours. And then it moves down into the bladder. And then you've got about 12 hours of just chilling before it decides to make its way into the cock. And I had to get back. Oh my God. I had to get back from Canada while it was just swimming around in my bladder with the knowledge of what was about to happen. And then I'm just sitting there. I just wanted
Starting point is 01:19:47 to be home for it. Just get me home. Just get me home. Just get me home. And then it started to travel through on the last 20 minutes of the flight. And I looked like a drug mule where the condom had burst in my stomach. I was just sweating. But who's smuggling drugs in from Canada? Yeah. I just got gotta get these though, thank you very much. Wow. Is it like a pinching? What is, I mean, is it? It's pain, nerves, it's pain.
Starting point is 01:20:14 Now, the thing is, I've never had anything like this in my life. I was on the phone to a doctor going, I'm gonna die, I need to go to the emergency room. He goes, it's coming, it's coming. Oh no, I don't think it's moving. I don't think it's moving. Oh, I'm in pain, oh, I'm going to die. I need to go to the emergency room. He goes, it's coming. It's coming. Oh, no, no, I don't think it's moving. I don't think it's moving. Oh, I'm in pain.
Starting point is 01:20:26 Wow. I'm in pain. And I had, I had my son's Halloween bucket next to me because it was just the only bucket I had in the house. Wow. Yeah. He didn't Halloween with it that year. And, and I pissed and it hit the side of the bucket and made a dink noise.
Starting point is 01:20:41 And that was just, and I reached into the piss and pulled it out like I was just fucking a caveman pulling a fish out of the water. I just went, ah. Like that. And I've never had anything that is instant relief like that. So all the pain and everything was over. I could have played basketball the next second.
Starting point is 01:21:03 Right after. Because you think I'm gonna be in pain for a whileall and then he's just like I went oh I need I was like this I need more painkillers I need better medicine I have to get some other guys to give me something and then dink and I went yeah I'm alright wow instantaneous yeah wow do you still have it no I gave it to the doctor the doctor took it away but I took a photo of it I wish I took a photo with an doctor and the doctor took it away, but I took a photo of it. I wish I took a photo with it next to a coin because I took the photo
Starting point is 01:21:27 and I took the photo to the Jimmy Kimmel show because I was doing, you know what, like, you know, you're doing like Jimmy Kimmel or Fallon or something like that. And you're like, I don't have any stories. I'd like to have a story. And you try to find something, you know what I mean? And that was like, I was literally doing Kimmel
Starting point is 01:21:44 like the next day. So I was like, oh, thank you, thank you. So I think I've got Kimmel coming up in a few weeks. And so hopefully I get another one. Yeah, wow. There it is. That's my kidney stone. So it's a solid brown stone.
Starting point is 01:21:58 That was, I wish I put a coin next to it. It had broken up into other things and it's smooth as anything. That's it after it had broken up. I had other it's smooth as anything. That's it after it had broken up. I had other little tiny ones but that was the meat of the... But is it, can you squish it and it'll dissolve or... No it's a solid. It's solid. It's a stone. It's a solid stone. It's a stone. And there's no way to operate on it or... They can use sonic thing to make it smaller but that was the exact amount that was that was five millimeter that was half a centimeter Wow oh my god that's no one else has had that God my god you've had it I had a
Starting point is 01:22:36 penicitis that's not the same it's not the same thing man yeah but not the same thing I had the flu yeah yeah yeah oh I was in sixth grade. Not the same thing. I had the flu. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I was in sixth grade when I had the penicitis. I know, but like, you can't put your hand up and go, oh, I've had it as well. My mother dropped me when she was very, when I was very young. The penicitis hurts too.
Starting point is 01:22:55 Yeah, penicitis, but it's not a stone passing through. It's your aretha. Why were I, I stubbed my toe. Oh, that's bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I stubbed my toe, yeah. Yeah, there's ones next to a coin. That's sort of where you were looking.
Starting point is 01:23:08 Oh yeah, it was a doozy. It was a fucking doozy. Wow, wow, wow. No, that's a big one in that person's hand. Ooh, it's a big one. That's a huge one. Yeah, that's a real big one. Wow, oh my God.
Starting point is 01:23:21 Imagine that going through. Yeah, yeah, that. I can't. To pass that is, cause everyone always through. Yeah, yeah, that, to pass that is, cause everyone always does the thing with birth, right? It's like pushing a watermelon through a lemon, right? This is much worse in comparison to size of what you're bursting through. This is, this is.
Starting point is 01:23:38 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do women get kidney stones? Yes. So where does it come out of the little pee hole, the little urine hole or? Yes, yes, that's where they. No, no, where does it come out? The little pee hole, the little urine hole or? Yes, yes. That's where they... No, no.
Starting point is 01:23:47 Where does it come out? It comes out, their pee hole. They feel the same pain from the kidney to the bladder, but they have less of a pathway to go to piss it out because we have to go through... Our urethra is smaller than this. Wow. But it's... That's why you ever see like a woman piss in an alleyway?
Starting point is 01:24:01 Like when you're like, we're back in your drinking days. British girls. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, when you're working your drinking days? British people, yeah. Yeah, where they're like, I need to go for a piss. Just stand out here, white line, like this. And then you hear them, they go behind a dumpster and it's like, it's such a heavy thing, a woman's piss, isn't it? It's like you can hear chicken bones falling out of it.
Starting point is 01:24:17 What the? It's just that, it's just that. It's just that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like women should piss like men and men should piss like women. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Women should piss like men and men should piss like women. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like we have a gentle stream that you can point, that's a controlled environment.
Starting point is 01:24:31 Sometimes it's not gentle. Yeah, but you know when you got like women are like, oh, you're pissed on the floor and it's like, you try standing up, you would be a disaster. It would be a disaster. It would look like a yellow Jackson Pollock painting if you look like a women just stand up and piss. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:24:46 Do you pee sitting down? I do sometimes. I don't, I'm a hemorrhoid person. So I don't like, sitting down is what pushes them out. You know what I mean? So I'd like to stand as much as possible. Wow. There we go, there we go.
Starting point is 01:24:59 There's a couple of the snake people. All right, watch the snake. We got Pastor Jacob. On Fox. We got the boxer, Devonte, the poker player, Amanda, the lawyer, the girl, the cop at the end there, she's already been kicked off the show. She went in a bit too heavy to begin with.
Starting point is 01:25:15 She flirted with everybody and they got rid of her. Wow. She was, got the only fans, the bloke at the end there, he's a jewel thief who went to, who went to prison for a couple of years. His, his job is ex con. Wow.
Starting point is 01:25:30 And he's, I think from watching it, following his, um, his social, he's given stand up a guy, so good for him. Nice fella. But yeah, they're interesting. The snake. Fuck. Or you can just go watch it on, and I've just got a new tour, Son of a Carpenter,
Starting point is 01:25:48 I'll be touring all, I'm going all across Europe, man. Wow. Look at this, we've got Portugal, Spain, Greece, Cyprus, France, United Kingdom, Austria, Croatia. What are you playing in Honolulu? What is it? Go up, go up, go upwards, upwards, there we go, Honolulu, I'm in the
Starting point is 01:26:04 Bastille concert hall. He's got the Blisdale. Blisdale, there it is. Blisdale. What is it that? I think it's like an arena. It's like a 2000 seed. But I always try to like organize.
Starting point is 01:26:19 When you have kids, Tommy, right? Bobby. Yeah, Bobby. Bobby. I've only known him for 50 years. For a problem. You know what, you know what Russell Brand called me on a podcast, he called me Benny.
Starting point is 01:26:33 You can call me Tommy, so go ahead. So, Bobby. Yes. Bobby, so when you have kids, so think about, you know, 2055 or whenever it happens, we, you try to plan fun gigs in the summer. So I always, you'll always catch me July 25th, July 26th. I go off to Hawaii.
Starting point is 01:26:57 With your kids though. Take the kids. The whole family, that's amazing. We do Maui thing. We spend five days extra in each city. Wow. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:27:05 Like we do it right. Yeah. Do you ever go to the Mama's Fish House? Yeah. Love that restaurant. Yeah, yeah, I go to Mama's Fish House. I fucking, I love Hawaii. You too.
Starting point is 01:27:13 Do you wanna know who Hawaii is? Hawaii feels like Australia and America fucked and had a child. Yeah. Yeah, that's what Hawaii. That's what it feels like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I sort of, I was floating in Waikiki, which is one of the nicest city beaches in anywhere in the world.
Starting point is 01:27:30 There's nicer beaches in the world, but just for warm water and just going out and floating. We were all there last week. I had an edible, I was just floating out in the fucking water, just like on an inflatable ring thinking life don't get much better than this, just all high. Right? And then I just, this other bloke on a ring just splashes up. Splash, splash, splash. And he gets all the way out and he goes, Oh, fucking hell, Jim.
Starting point is 01:27:54 Oh, these Americans, they don't get our sense of humor, do they? So that's so Australian. To come up and say hello and then to say that the country you live in doesn't find you funny. And then to float away. What did you say back? I said, oh, you know how they are. I'm like not going to get into a chat with him. I was in my happy place.
Starting point is 01:28:20 Right, right, right. Sometimes it's hard to get out of a conversation. Fucking, I mean, last 20 minutes. Fuck. This guy's been chatting me ears off. Let's recap your day. Okay. Okay, yeah.
Starting point is 01:28:36 Let's end with you recapping your day. What's all, no, no, what's all, recap the podcast. What did you do? What did we get from you? Yeah, what did we get from you? We got, you wished me happy Father's Day. I appreciated that.
Starting point is 01:28:44 You're welcome. You've told us where there might be some good Mexican food? Yeah, what do we get from you? You wish me happy Father's Day. I appreciate it. You're welcome. You've told us where there might be some good Mexican food. Yeah, downtown LA. Downtown LA is where you think. So I imagine Mexican food is a hot dog with the sausage wrapped in bacon. Why is it that they all sell the same thing at the front of the Staples Center? If you were one bloke who just went chicken, I got chicken. You'd go, all right, something different.
Starting point is 01:29:06 They all sell the same hot dog. I don't know, it's a good hot dog. It's a very good hot dog. The bacon wrapped hot dog with the peppers and the onions, it's a quality item. I love it. It's well priced. I can now Venmo ya.
Starting point is 01:29:20 I'm down. But just, there's 50 of you. Yeah, tell your Mexican friends. Just have one bloke, just go, candy cane or I don't know. Like. Just make a call, okay? So what else did you say this podcast you think? Chicken tacos I would be excited by.
Starting point is 01:29:36 Young man, I assume. It's hard to tell with you. All do you think he is. All do you think. There's no wrong answer. There is. There is. Okay, biological, but okay.
Starting point is 01:29:49 There is for how attracted I am to you. Maybe in YMCA. I would believe you're in your 20s. Yeah. Okay, you're in your 20s. So I believe you're in your 20s and possibly in an accident at some stage. No, I'm kidding. So 26?
Starting point is 01:30:08 No. What? 29. 29. Wow, you look young. Very good. Yeah. Anyway, Jim. Donald Royal Kingdom.
Starting point is 01:30:17 No, no. No. Okay. So, so I want you to say, here's the difference between heckling all around the world. Okay. I'll just London, because we're going to play it. Just give me England. I'm going to give you three continents and you're going to sit here and listen.
Starting point is 01:30:31 Okay, okay. I love that. All right, go ahead. Okay, so Americans heckle to correct you or to argue, right? So if you do something, hey, listen, hey buddy, my wife has diabetes, you know, it'll be whatever, right? They'll be all, whatever, right? Australians heckle to trip you up, right?
Starting point is 01:30:53 So if you're getting near a punch line, they'll go, back up! So that your timing's just out, and then you go, and they go, I got you. You know what it is, it's like when someone walks behind you and they're just clipping your heels. And you're like, I'm just trying to walk. Actually Perth was like that. Yeah. It was a tough show for me. Australians try to trip you up with their heckling.
Starting point is 01:31:15 But it didn't work. And the British try to out-funny you. They try. Oh! That's your worst nightmare. No, that's my favorite of all the hecklers No, no, I like the outfunding because then then the room gets an extra laugh that I didn't have to manufacture We're just we're just about having as much laughter in that room as possible if they can do it fucking more power
Starting point is 01:31:39 Will they heckle for 12,000 people you think? Oh, yeah Oh, no Especially in a pot. Well, you're not even doing stand up are you? We are. We do 20 minutes of stand up apiece and then do the thing. No, I know you're doing stand up, but you're not really doing stand up.
Starting point is 01:31:53 Right? Oh. Yeah, I'm in my underwear. Yeah, that's you. Okay, in front of the theater. Can you push, what are you putting that up there? Just ready, you know? Who, who, who, who, who?
Starting point is 01:32:03 No, I'm a big fan of yours. You know what I mean? He's gonna give another fucking gun, you're gonna give him bullets? Is that up there? Who gave you that? I'm a big fan of yours. He's gonna give another fucking gun, you're gonna give him bullets? Is that a bullet? Yeah, he has bullets of... What the fuck are you doing? What bullets do you have? I'm an anti-gun guy. I don't know if you see me. Alright, I'm sorry for talking so long. Take it as seven-part.
Starting point is 01:32:20 This has been great, but we want to be able to promote. He wouldn't shut up. So, we have The Snake on Fox. I got a new special coming out late August on Netflix. That'll be my sixth Netflix special, my tenth special in total. Wow. That's a lot.
Starting point is 01:32:38 And I have a small part in a movie coming out called Him, which is a Monkey Paul Productions Jordan Peele's company, which is with Marlon Wayans and Tyra Withers. It's a football movie. And I will tell you a story when we get our fair that you'll enjoy. Okay, well Jordan and I are very old friends. Oh I won't talk to you then. Really? Oh yeah, yeah. Anyway, give him Jim Jeffries a round of applause. Woo!

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