TigerBelly - Jim & Nikki Norton

Starting point is 00:00:00 Music One, two, three, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine. Bobby Lee. Welcome to another episode of... No, I started smoking against... I was hoping it was COVID. Oh, God, what a joy. Welcome to Tiger Belly. I am Bobby.

Starting point is 00:00:40 I am Bobby. I am Bobby. I am Bobby. I am Bobby. I am Bobby. I am Bobby. I am Bobby. I was COVID. I don't know if it was COVID. I don't know if it was COVID. I don't know if it was COVID. I don't know if it was COVID. I don't know if it was COVID. I don't know if it was COVID. I don't know if it was COVID. I don't know if it was COVID.

Starting point is 00:00:47 I don't know if it was COVID. I don't know if it was COVID. I don't know if it was COVID. I don't know if it was COVID. I don't know if it was COVID. I don't know if it was COVID. I don't know if it was COVID. I don't know if it was COVID.

Starting point is 00:00:54 I don't know if it was COVID. I don't know if it was COVID. I don't know if it was COVID. I don't know if it was COVID. I don't know if it was COVID. I don't know if it was COVID. I don't know if it was COVID. I don't know if it was COVID.

Starting point is 00:01:01 I don't know if it was COVID. I don't know if it was COVID. I don't know if it was COVID. I don't know if it was COVID. I don't know if it was COVID. I don't know if it was COVID. I don't know if it was COVID. I don't know if it was COVID. I don't know if it was COVID. I don't have the strength though. No, you don't have the hidden strength. No, no, no, just the vibes. Why are they so strong? But we'll talk about that later.

Starting point is 00:01:12 But do you know why they're strong? On the spot. I don't know. I couldn't feel like you have some superhuman strength. No, I'm very strong. Number one, I think that I have quarter. Got it? A quarter down.

Starting point is 00:01:27 Oh no, we weren't in the establishment. Yeah, I have a quarter down. But let's introduce our guests and then get it. We can talk about my quarter down. Sure. Okay. We have Jimmy and Nikki Norton and give them a round of applause.

Starting point is 00:01:39 Woo! We have a YouTube show, we do videos and whatnot. And I remember In Montreal yep 2019 we had like a little meal or coffee or something Yes, we have met each other before Bobby. It was you me Bonnie McFarland love her and who else was Kate Connor was there Okay, or boss was there. I think maybe yeah The smell was there We had a bad time boss was there if it was nice, it was fun. He wasn't there. Yeah. Yeah, no

Starting point is 00:02:09 He wasn't there. Yeah, because we had a good time you we did yeah Um, this is that the just for laughs just for laughs Montreal. Do you think Voss's dick still works or yes? I do. I really do think Voss's dick still works. Yeah, yeah, unlike him on the road I think his dick is fine. Oh, he's a feature now? Oh yeah, his dick sells out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Rich, we love you.

Starting point is 00:02:32 Yes. Anyway, so we, no, it's not, but it's funny. Even before you even came to America, I think, Nikki, I think I overheard him talking about you when we were doing OPI back in the day. No, we were doing, you and I were doing that shoot for of that guy Romish that Britain that British comic We were doing that shoot as a showtime shoot at the comedy store outside, and I was texting with you How do you remember the shit like that? I have a very weird memory. Yeah. I remember everything except to wear condoms

Starting point is 00:03:05 Have you used one? No, no, no, no, no. Can I just say something? Yeah. I'm sorry, I have it all in the room. The other day, I'm sorry, you have to hear it, because we're acts, she's my acts. She's been here for two years.

Starting point is 00:03:15 But it's been two years, I'm fine. It's fine, it's fine. I'm fine, I'm fine. I'm fine, I'm fine. I'm gonna tell you something, all right? I mean, you preface every, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but I wanna say this, okay? I was with the girl, Hal Hot Neve, right?

Starting point is 00:03:26 And I put my penis against the entryway. Yeah. Sure. What do you call it? Which orifice? The Christian orifice. Yeah. She looks at me, she goes, we don't have a condom.

Starting point is 00:03:37 And I go, oh yeah. Like I was like being taught this rule. And we didn't do it, you know what I mean? But it was like, but every time before that, it was just like, rod didn't do it, you know what I mean? But it was like, but every time before that, it was just like, Roddock City, you know what I mean? It was like, yeah, but so I don't even know how it works, but I'm sure I'll figure it out. Yeah, I never liked them, never liked them.

Starting point is 00:03:55 You've used them before then. I have when I've had to, but I never, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't like them either. No, I've seen a few who try to get the condom on and they can't do it. What do you mean? Because the process sometimes just goes limp when they put it on. Hard for it to stay hard when they put it on because that's not

Starting point is 00:04:12 very sexy. Wow. It just sort of like breaks the you know the the stream of passion maybe. I don't know if you do it quickly. I know how to do it. I feel like Asians can do it quickly. Shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, sh City Hall? City Hall because she came into the country. Well this was more for paperwork, so my immigration history was long. Well you know a little, Bobby. Yeah. No, I'm saying about Story with Jim. When she was in Canada, you were. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's right, that's right, that's right.

Starting point is 00:04:59 That's right, I remember now. You were living in Canada and you would go up there often. Yeah, yeah, I remember that now. I didn't think you were living in Canada and you would go up there often. Yeah, I remember that now. Thank you. We're from North Korea I've been a great country Not really, but um so you two years ago, so you didn't have a big wedding nothing nothing No, it was just my manager Jonathan came was the witness If Jonathan couldn't make it Colin Quinn was like the standby. Wow

Starting point is 00:05:22 We're all messed up. It was a city hall thing just to do. We want to have an actual wedding. If it wasn't for immigration purposes, would you guys have gotten married, you think? I never wanted to, but that kind of forced me to do it. But yeah, I might have. I mean, I love Nikki and I'm actually like being married. So it took me 1500 plus days to emigrate, which is insane.

Starting point is 00:05:40 Yeah, it was wild. Well, that's love. Originally from Norway. Yes. I didn't realize the immigration process from like a European country would be that difficult. And it's not at all. There's something called an ESTA,

Starting point is 00:05:50 which is basically automatic. You apply online. But I got a fine in Norway, a hundred dollar fine for smoking weed or something like that. So I just paid the fine and then it came on my record. So now, since federally, weed is a number one schedule and heroin is number two.

Starting point is 00:06:05 They're treating me. The guy in the embassy goes, look, you're a convicted criminal. I can't let you in. You need a waiver. Yeah. And I kept getting denied, denied, denied, denied, denied until we tried for the waiver when we got engaged. And that took another two years because a waiver is a whole another thing.

Starting point is 00:06:22 Right. Now you have to send in. I mean, the amount of paperwork is as big as this table. Insane. It's fucking great. I was in Canada for the whole pandemic. So I understand why people come to this country illegally. I mean, I really do get it. Well, that's fucking incredible. But also for smoking weed sounds so bananas. And then in half the states here, I'm assuming it's legal. Meanwhile, federally, it's not, which is very, very confusing to me It's so confusing and also I just these countries that criminalize weed

Starting point is 00:06:49 Yeah, look at Korea that fucking actor from parasite. I killed himself Yeah, yeah, really because he was smoking I guess weed at a bar. I mean no it was more than that what I mean There was definitely some I think there was like rumors of like infidelity and other things he got caught and math like yeah She was blackmailing him. I think the bartender. infidelity and other things he got caught for. And meth, like yeah, she was blackmailing him, I think, the bartender, right? Yeah, it wasn't just weed, I think it was more than that. Okay. But you're not wrong in that,

Starting point is 00:07:10 who cares if someone cheats and who cares if someone does drugs? It shouldn't be reason to... To kill yourself. Right, or to be shamed in that way that you're not considered, you know what I mean? And that's why Koreans look at me with shame. anymore they do they do they do is this true I'm being honest because when I go on the road now I look at the audience and I

Starting point is 00:07:34 was telling I don't forget I was telling there's three like if I'm playing like 3,000 seeds there's five Asians it just doesn't make any sense not Tiger Belly shows oh yeah maybe that maybe that's what they were playing. Tiger Belly shows is like almost half Asian. Because it's a Chad? I don't know, I know it's not a compliment. I mean, what would you guess a Chad is? A Chad, like I would guess a stockier male of some sort.

Starting point is 00:07:58 Is that what it is? Rings monsters, punches drywall type. But is it like, is it a Karen equivalent? No, no, not Karen equivalent. What's a Karen equivalent? No, no. Okay. What's a Karen equivalent? Chad is more of like a Bro-E type. I like Bro-E's.

Starting point is 00:08:10 What's the opposite of Chad for a guy? Um, what is it? No, no, no, no. Because Chad's can also be... Gary Goldman. Gary Goldman? That was your guess. I love Gary.

Starting point is 00:08:24 I don't know why I said that, but anybody go, please move on. What's the opposite of a Chad? The opposite of a Chad is probably someone granola, a little bit. What's a granola? Like, I don't know, I've just, in my head I've categorized. Granola.

Starting point is 00:08:39 Okay, so it is like, Chad is more of the masculine Omega than yours, or not Omega, but it's like a beta would be the opposite My beta male. Oh, then maybe yes. Yes, you're kind of opposite Chad. Yeah, okay. You too though. My wife's a Chad Much more muscular than Jim I'm pretty sure I could beat you if I wanted to oh, so you know, do you think, honestly? I think. I think so. No, because whenever she hits me, I can't. No, but he. I could go.

Starting point is 00:09:11 I can go into berserker mode and completely blackout. Well, if there's a threat, of course. Yeah, good. Yes. I feel like you're good with elbows. Very with the nails. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're also just like long.

Starting point is 00:09:23 And I feel like you can kind of reach across and really, you know. But when I go manic and lose my shit, I'll get a blackout. It'll beat anyone up. That's the real threat. That's good. Have you guys gotten a fight where you're like in the red zone? No, no, no, no. We argue.

Starting point is 00:09:36 I told her to take Muay Thai though. She has great balance. Like she throws good kicks. Oh, you want to take that? Like she's got some of the pressure. We have a very soft, gentle relationship. Never any physicality. Little arguing. Yeah. Debating yeah debating sure like about what flat earth

Starting point is 00:09:53 Yes Damn it, she's right Yeah Right. Right. Right. Right. Yes. Yeah. So you guys don't fight, you guys get along and you guys don't get tired of each other? No, I mean, we have like any married couple, like you want- I mean, sometimes, but not- Like you time in the hap-

Starting point is 00:10:16 Like I like to be in a couple of rooms, you can go in one room, I'll go in the other, but like I don't want to be away from her like- I want to do like the king and the queen of England, like they sleep in separate bedrooms. The ladies? Yes, that's what I would want and I deal with marriage. I'd want to do like the king and the queen of England like they sleep in separate bedrooms. The queens. Yes, that's what I would want and I deal with marriage. I'd want to cause they're both dead.

Starting point is 00:10:29 But Nikki, can I say? Yes. I want, if I'm ever in my bed. Can you stop with this? Shut the fuck up. Anyway, I fucking love you. If I'm ever in another relationship again. Yes.

Starting point is 00:10:42 I'm gonna insist on two different beds and two different rooms, two different houses, two different countries. Yeah. Maybe I should go back to Norway. Two different planets. So anyway, I would probably go, let's you stay in your room and every once in a while,

Starting point is 00:11:00 if you smash or whatever, maybe you could spend the night one night, but it's like a treat. They like a treat, it's a treat for you. Basically like Frida Kahlo. Who's that? Is that some sort of revolutionary Spanish person? Frida Kahlo and her husband, they had like two separate houses and they had that little bridge that would connect their homes. And I thought that was sort of brilliant.

Starting point is 00:11:19 I love that. Like if that works for them, how fabulous. We have a bed like the King Bebbit is two twin beds together that raise and lower separately. So it's kind of nice to have like, fucking my own level of raising and she can do what she wants on her side, but there's a divide in between. Yes, we had, I had pitched this to you a long time ago,

Starting point is 00:11:37 when we're still together, how we should just do bunk beds, remember? That's not what they're talking about. We live in jail. That's not what they're talking about. They live in jail. That's not what they're talking about. You know like those sleep number beds where? Yeah, no, but see it still feels like a separation because like let's suppose one person is higher, one person is lower, that's sort of bunk beddy. Yeah, it's nice. Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's a hog, so I like to have my own. I don't like being

Starting point is 00:11:59 touched when I sleep. I definitely wasn't molested, but I don't like to be touched when I sleep. You're like him then, so you don't like being like any type of like cuddling or... Before sleep, sure, but when it's time for sleep. No, I could fall asleep cuddling. I love to cuddle. I'm the most cuddly. I want to cuddle. I love it. It's my favorite. I'll fall right asleep. But he likes to sleep with the bedroom completely ice cold, and I can't handle it. Because I'm in hoarum mounts, and my body just doesn't work with my body Cold sweat then and that's terrible wake up cold sweating. Yeah, I don't like being touched I don't want to late like draper arm over me

Starting point is 00:12:31 But he has on three ac's on blasts and another fan and it's just too and what do you do that Nicky? I don't know how I live with this count. It's annoying I was gonna say the same thing, but with one less letter. Well. So good. Damn. Yeah, even if like, if I'm sleeping and this is happening, a finger. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:12:52 It's, I go, no. Yes, yes. That would make me sad. He will shoot the side out. And the little. But here's the thing he does. He's like, okay, fine, I'll cuddle. But then his, when you, so he's like,

Starting point is 00:13:02 he's like, okay, I'll cuddle. And then he's like, okay, I'll cuddle. And then he's like, okay, I'll cuddle. And then he's like, okay, I'll, no. Yes, yes. That would make me sad. He will shoot the side-eye. And the little. But here's the thing he does. He's like, okay, fine, I'll cuddle. But then his, so he's cuddling me like this. But if I were to look up at his expression, it's like this.

Starting point is 00:13:14 It's not an enjoyable cuddle. I'm barely tolerating this. And he wants you to know he's very, very happy. And look how pretty your girlfriend, wife heart. Look at this. Yeah. Yeah We broke up two years ago. Well, I think you should get married Yes And that's why they invented the long pillow

Starting point is 00:13:39 Right to cut as a bear no as a barrier. Oh Right you just started doing that and you that, you were so offended by that. I was. Yeah, yeah. But would you cuddle when you were... I can cuddle when I'm not sleeping. But if we're just laying down fine with it, but when it's time to sleep, I can't be telling you.

Starting point is 00:13:53 But I don't want to cuddle with someone who's fine with it. I want to cuddle with someone who wants to cuddle me. Okay, I'll rephrase it. I love to cuddle, but just not when I'm sleeping. I would kill to cuddle, but just not when I'm sleeping. That's my husband. I think with Bobby, he's just kind of like a cat, because I know that if I would leave the house, he would be, where are you? What time are you coming home?

Starting point is 00:14:16 So I know he needs me close, just not too close. Right. And he needs to come to you for the affection. You can't just take liberties and grab. Yes, it's crazy, and I don't come to you for the affection, you can't just, you know, take liberties and grab. Yes, it's crazy, and I don't deal with this with Nikki, but I've dated people in the past where the fury I would feel if they would hold my hand and I would be touched.

Starting point is 00:14:33 Like, not knowing, for them not reading, that I didn't want to be touched, fucking, I would just get ready, I want to bite their hand. I'm not touching me, I'm not touching me. I didn't do it, but I can feel it, and that comes from weird childhood. You guys are the same because he just recently I like their hair. I like their hair. I like their hair. I like their hair. I like their hair. I like their hair. I like their hair. I like their hair.

Starting point is 00:14:46 I like their hair. I like their hair. I like their hair. I like their hair. I like their hair. I like their hair. I like their hair. I like their hair.

Starting point is 00:14:53 I like their hair. I like their hair. I like their hair. I like their hair. I like their hair. I like their hair. I like their hair. I like their hair.

Starting point is 00:15:00 I like their hair. I like their hair. I like their hair. I like their hair. I like their hair. I like their hair. I like their hair. I like their hair. I like their hair. would still do it. I've done the same thing. I'm trying to find excuses. Like, oh, let me grab this. Anything.

Starting point is 00:15:07 Anything. And it's a gun. Yeah. Yeah. But anything, it's a weird thing when somebody doesn't read that, you know? And again, that's why our relationship works because we read each other.

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Starting point is 00:19:57 offered 2024. This happened in the city. Is that good? Yeah. And I good? Yeah. And I just met her, you know, this was probably second time, a third time meeting. And we're walking in the street and she just kind of just, without even asking,

Starting point is 00:20:12 just went and did this one. Oh yeah, the real, the wrapped in. The wrapped in one? Yeah, that's like. Yeah. Normal. No, it's not normal. It's normal.

Starting point is 00:20:21 Three weeks in? Yes, to hold hands normal. Jim. You know, it depends on the vibe. Please Jim. If someone has a ring on, she used to wear a ring and I always feel a ring against my hand and I fucking I hated it. I hate the ring would hurt my small hands. The ring would hurt my hand. Yeah, yeah. Look at my hands. I have little high and a large can we see our size difference? Yeah, well I have

Starting point is 00:20:41 big hands. Look at our size difference. Oh, it's the same. It's the same. Great. Yeah, yeah, I have big hands. Look at our size difference. Oh, it's the same. It's the same. Gratio. Yeah, exactly. And it hurt. Long fingers. I do have it. Ladies, let me see something. Let me see some. It hurts. It sure does. Where does that come from? You think? Where does that come from that, like, just kind of like, not wanting to be touched, like, at all? I would say either an uncle or some other person who I don't remember. He only likes to be touched on his nipples. Just the nipples? I like my nipples played with occasionally. Not as much as I used to.

Starting point is 00:21:11 I've gotten older, I liked it less. Well, that's because I tickle his nipples now and I go, tee-dee-dee-dee, and I ruin the sexual life. It's not fun. You don't like that? No. I feel as though, do men have the same amount of like sensory stuff in their nipples as women?

Starting point is 00:21:26 Cause for me, it's a like really, you know, hot to me, but I don't know if men do to you. What do you mean? Your nipples is like an erogenous zone. There's definitely senses there. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. But, so when they pinch, I don't like, but you know.

Starting point is 00:21:39 I like a tongue. Tongue, I love tongue. Tongue is great. Like around the edges, around the borders, you know what I mean? So you want someone to suck on your nipple. Yeah, but don't go to the,, around the borders, you know what I mean? So you want someone to suck on your nipple. Yeah, but don't go to the, it's like the DMZ. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:21:50 Yeah, don't cross the border. Absolutely. You can peek over it, but don't cross it. No, just like a little cat. Like a little flick. But on the, in North Korea, you mean? Kim Jong-un sleeping. No.

Starting point is 00:22:02 Around the border, that's fine. No. You like going all the way. What? Going to the nipple and do you bite the tips? Oh, no, I don't bite. Okay, good. I like to have my nipple just a little licked.

Starting point is 00:22:13 Little licked. But you don't like my nipple that much. All right, well, you could have told me privately. Wait, wait, wait. You know, what's wrong with her nipple? Nothing at all. Like you just get into patterns, but like I just haven't, but I'll do it do it more if you want more more nipple licking.

Starting point is 00:22:27 Little more nipple licking. Believe me, I'm going to lick them for their store. Blinking idiot. I I like it. It's a lot. I like it licked. I like gently, just gently, like brush. I'm jerking off sometimes.

Starting point is 00:22:38 A little like a little harp. Yeah, yeah. The gentle. It's so weird. How old are you now Jim? 55. I'm 52. And you know, when I was younger, I was like, once I'm 50, I'm not gonna be thinking about sex that often.

Starting point is 00:22:55 Yeah. That's Jim too, and I think that's very common for men. But it hasn't stopped for me, has it? Really? Thanks, Lisa. Well, I will say this, that when Jim was 50, he wanted to look for love and he calmed down a lot with the sexual.

Starting point is 00:23:08 I think you have a real sex addiction. Yes, I think so. Oh, no, I think you and I have definitely the same kind of sex addiction. Yeah, it's more porn for me now, though. It's only porn. Yeah, but back in the day in New York, because I remember people telling me this, like I would be in New York and I would go to the porn stores and buy DVDs and stuff, like a new rate, right? And I think somebody said, oh, Jim does that or whatever, York and I would go to the porn stores and buy DVDs and stuff, like you would write, right?

Starting point is 00:23:25 And I think somebody said, oh, Jim does that or whatever, right? I would go to them and buy, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You would you buy toys too, right? Not really, no, I was never big on toys. Like I had one of those pocket vags, like those little things that makes like a suction noise. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:23:40 I've dealt with so many men who want me to put dildos up their ass. I fucking hate that. I don't like that. I don't wanna put dildos up anyone's ass. want me to put dildos up their ass. I fucking hate that. I don't like that. I don't want to put dildos up anyone's ass. I don't like dildos. No dildos. No dildo?

Starting point is 00:23:50 No. Oh, yeah, yeah. Dildos are just like, they look really threatening. They're a little bit too intense for me. Yes. It's just silly. You're just laying there and someone's pumping a dildo in your ass. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:23:59 What are we doing? And they should do it by race, like a Filipino style or, you know what I mean? Oh, style. Like a Japanese one where it's like, you know. And especially the guys who have been with me who likes trans girls and want to have like a giant XL Dilda. I'm not interested in that.

Starting point is 00:24:14 Is there a correlation there with men who specifically seek out trans girls who do want to get pegged? Oh my God, majority of them. Well, I think it depends how you come off as a transsexual. I think for me, yeah, a lot of them want to be fucked. Yeah Yes, they want it does make sense because I'm begging. I think they read me ass

Starting point is 00:24:32 I don't know this big person and they want to get Brutalized Not me I don't get My honey's very tender Not me. I don't get it. I know you know my honey's very tender Was that such a huge relief for you when you found out that he wasn't into getting railed You know honestly because I'm not bothered with the washing and all that you know cuz I'm like I'm not I don't know what my tube looks like because I'm not I can't don't have the eyes for it You ever use an animal? I've used an animal like when I was doing like for colonoscopy

Starting point is 00:25:02 Yeah, and it's unpleasant like I could never like you went for one recently Recently yeah, you hose out your asshole and then all of a sudden you want to get have sex in there It's just it's just okay. Yeah, is your ass off find them and did you with any time? I mean I will say and I say this with not even no polyps whatsoever. Wow. Not even a single polyps Internal hemorrhoids No, he didn't indicate Gave my asshole a clean bill of health Anoscope and even I had internal hemorrhoids like one tiny one. Oh, yeah, no, he didn't need indication

Starting point is 00:25:35 I should follow up ever try to want so no, I would like her to try it. Okay. There you go I'd like to be in the room. I would like that like you're something like that would be hot Yeah, maybe my body would have this awakening from my boy past, and it was just, oh, the caulk and the vagina and tea transition. Oh! Next thing, she can do with a stylus face. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. Wow, wow, wow.

Starting point is 00:25:56 Many possibilities in this world. Yeah, because, but Lynn, can I just say something? And everyone in the room, I have tried penis. Yeah. You know what I mean? I didn't like it at all I did that I did like three times. Yeah, all right with the same person different. How many eight years apart? I was a kid. Oh, okay. So I was like 13 years old. You know what they say mage? Yeah, they're all my friends. I mean, I never did it since I never did it since but I tried it

Starting point is 00:26:22 So you never even wanted to even try it even though you didn't want to do it. Yeah, you've did it since. I never did it since, but I tried it. So you never even wanted to even try it, even though you didn't want to do it. Yeah. You've tried it, you want to do it? No, I haven't. No. OK. No. Vagina.

Starting point is 00:26:29 Question? Oh, vagina? Yeah, vagina, yeah. Oh, no, I haven't tried vagina. Yeah, yeah. Never. Not even a, even if you don't want to do it, just just see what it's going to be.

Starting point is 00:26:36 If I would try it. Yeah, what would happen? Mmm, I'm kind of trying to picture what kind of girl that would be because I'm very facial. I mean, the face, the face matters a lot. And you know, the body too, but if I'm not the person who will go, great body, put a bag on, I can't do that. It has to be a facial connection.

Starting point is 00:26:56 Right. You think he's like, can't arouse, I mean, what the fuck is going on here? I'm trying to think of what kind of girl I would want to fuck. I don't know. Do you think your standards for women, because you don't naturally like pussy, are probably higher because it has to compensate

Starting point is 00:27:11 for the fact that they have a pussy? Maybe, and I've never had an attraction to a girl, so I don't know what kind of girl would I fuck. And what kind of vagina would you like? Like the kind I like, you wouldn't like. Like, what kind do you like? I'll share mine, go ahead. I mean, it should literally look like a penis.

Starting point is 00:27:29 He wants it to look like a cock. No, no. Not as possible. He wants the lips to be so fat they look like balls. He gathers the lips to make it look like a cock. I feel like it's Play-Doh. Isn't that the same tissue though? The labia is the same tissue as the testicle. It is.

Starting point is 00:27:47 And I'll say that a lot while I'm going down on a woman. Ha ha ha ha. But no, I like it. I like a thicker puss. I've always liked that. The meaty. I feel like that's actually more common than most of my male friends, at least, do the meaty, the bat wings.

Starting point is 00:28:02 And all these wrappers are wrapping about that fat pussy now too. Yeah. I like flour. You do. What's a flour pussy? It's tucked in and then when you lick it,

Starting point is 00:28:12 you know what I mean, like a Venus flytrap or something. It blooms. It blooms. Can I ask you a question about that? Yeah, go ahead. And you have one of these. A tucked flour. Yes, but no, not always, not always.

Starting point is 00:28:23 It has its seasons. Yeah, seasonal. Okay. It blooms sometimes. Yeah, but no, not always, not always. As it seasons. Yeah, seasonal. Okay. It blooms sometimes. Yeah, that's a thing. But you know, like in the 70s and 80s, like Playboy and a lot of these publications, they would actually like Photoshop,

Starting point is 00:28:36 the extra labia and the meat and all of that. Really? So like maybe growing up, what you saw, your standard for what was attractive pussy was basically just what they were feeding you, but not normal female anatomy. Is that maybe what shaped your... No, because I can't eat open-faced sandwiches. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:28:53 Two in a mouth. Yeah, yeah, I like when it's like tucked together and I want to bite into it. But it's open with gravy on it, and I don't like that. I, on the other hand, love a Ruben. Love Ruben, yeah, yeah. I don't think that. Yeah. Yes. I on the other hand, love a Rubin. I love Rubin, yeah, yeah. I don't think it's conditioning. I feel like it is. It might be a little bit.

Starting point is 00:29:10 I think it has to do with my dick. Okay, tell me. You feel like it's gonna swallow you whole if it's meaty? A little bit. It's also like, you know, and I don't know, I'm getting so nervous right now. Stop, don't look, give me the face. So as a kid, you know, there's that stereotype. Asians have have small kids. Can we all agree that that was I have heard that yes

Starting point is 00:29:28 Well, I've watched porn a lot. I've only seen one Chinese guy with a huge cock So I don't know where they're we can get there then that's what you're saying. Oh, yeah Yes, we can get that. Yeah, I assume y'all mean I'm young man as a bass of dick the basketball player. Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure yeah Yeah, yeah, I'll let's say what's that seven foot three? Oh, yeah, he's got to have at least yeah He doesn't have a micro no no feet are like, you know 19 or whatever. So here's what I'm gonna say, okay? Growing up. I always thought oh Maybe this year I would because I would never see it back in the day

Starting point is 00:30:01 We didn't have with the internet right when you and I grew up right so we had to imagine what other people's penises look like so it's like for me it's like maybe because I was conditioned to think that my penis was small that I needed a small vagina maybe one that would match your dick I understand that like a little tight vag because you have a small Why am I not convinced that he's got a big deck? I don't know. Oh, wow go back go back. Oh go back Maybe you're right. Maybe you're right. There's no bulge. There's no print Yeah, yeah, I need a very fly and plus I have big dick. I mean in my right There it is I see Yeah

Starting point is 00:30:42 There it is. I see it. Yeah I'll say if I was in those shorts. Yeah, yeah, yeah, she bolts let go Look at his face. Even he looks dejected. He's looking down at the smaller It's a lot bigger Wow, maybe you're maybe you're right, but all the men and I've dated like the whole rainbow, the whole variety, it's not been Asian guys who've been the smallest. Let's speak the truth. It's the thick chads.

Starting point is 00:31:14 Really? Because they probably take so much shed into their bodies. People with that bulky body usually got small decks. Burke Reiser. Like little dog decks. I heard Bird is a big dick. I know what you legs. Like little dog decks. I heard Bert is a big dick. I know what you mean. No it doesn't, it's a Bert.

Starting point is 00:31:27 I've seen that here. It's so interesting to me where I'm like, oh, like he's a thick dude. Because you think they'll have a huge cock. Yeah, and they don't. How about the skinny tall guys? Those who ask is John Holey. Or even the skinny short guys.

Starting point is 00:31:38 Skinny short guys with no pecs have the biggest dick. It's the lanky guys. They have the hugest cock. Do you think these guys have? No, no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no I know tall skinny guys and you can see a guy with like long giant fingers. Yeah, you can tell. Yeah, yeah. And to talk about Bert, I've literally seen his testicles and his penis. And it goes against your theory because it's a magnificent piece. No, we're talking about like a huge dong. It's magnificent, that's all I have to say.

Starting point is 00:32:23 This is slap on the... Yeah, yeah. I mean, it was beautiful beautiful bird has a big dick vibe to him though I can imagine yeah fun guy got great energy. Yeah. He never talks about his dick sloppy huge cock You guys see I'm Drake's penis. No, I did see that view, but I imagine it's I imagine it's not a pretty looking dick But I have no idea is it um here. I mean I can show you But I imagine it's not a pretty looking dick, but I have no idea, is it? Here, I mean, I can show you. Yeah, look, it's okay, but it's flopping, but then again, he might not have been hard,

Starting point is 00:32:50 and I believe that he leaked it. I prefer uncut cock. Me too, oh my God, thank you. The prettiest cocks are uncut. Thank you. Because it's like a little turtleneck. No. Let's address that.

Starting point is 00:33:03 I would never be impressed by that. You know what? It's fine, it's actually bigger than I thought, but if he was a client of mine, I wouldn't be shocked. Okay, but it's what it knows about me. I'm not a client of hers. Just, just be a husband, husband. It's skinny, his cock.

Starting point is 00:33:21 Yes, it is thin, right? Very thin. So what I'm saying is that I think that I have the same width. But he's not fully hard, I don't think. Right. Still doesn't matter. You can tell it's a skinny peanut. But it's bigger than I thought.

Starting point is 00:33:33 But it is true. It is a skinny cock. It's like an oodle-noodle. Isn't he gripping the bottom a certain way too? Yeah. Let's see if he's holding it to give the illusion. That's interesting. You're a little trickster.

Starting point is 00:33:42 I know what you're talking about. I've been with men of all colors and I think for me the Middle Eastern guys And isn't he a little middle middle Eastern? Yeah, have the smallest decks. I don't know why really yeah I find it that way which which makes them angry Which makes them oh I didn't know where I was going with that No, but it's you know. I didn't know where I was going with that. I have a political statement. Excuse me, I was a political statement. You know where I stand.

Starting point is 00:34:06 I wanna get back to uncut pox. I do think you're correct. I fully. And why do they circumcise people in America? Because you guys have no reason to do it. In every other part of the world, I mean, except for like the Middle East, they don't circumcise anyone.

Starting point is 00:34:22 In the Philippines, I think it's really like just a religious push, right? Because I grew up in the Philippines and very Catholic. Okay. And so it's like, if you weren't circumcised as a boy, you would be humiliated. Wow. So this is all religious, so why here in the States

Starting point is 00:34:37 is it like that every American gets circumcised? Because we don't want the shmug. Yeah. But who cares? But I have foreskin, I've never had smegma. That's what your opinion is, I haven't seen it. No, I think you've seen it. I will weigh this.

Starting point is 00:34:51 Yeah, what? So first off, when you're looking at my cockle line and you're like, hey, hold on. So your's is uncut. Yes. And she has shmag. Yes. She does not.

Starting point is 00:35:03 I wouldn't have married her if her dick was awful. You know, I am cut. You wouldn't have married me if my cock wasn't perfect. That's a great point. She said to me sometimes, would you love me if my dick was like four inches smaller? And I'm like, I wouldn't have talked to you if it was a half inch smaller.

Starting point is 00:35:19 I asked him, what if my cock was one inch bigger? He said, one more carrot. That ring, you wouldn't have been able to to lift your hand the ring would have been so good And I also find this interesting with cut penises is that it's so much easier to jerk one off because you technically Because without the foreskin you have to go you have to use lube with a foreskin You almost have this built-in pocket pussy. Yeah, honestly. Yeah, exactly. And I can tell from experience, I jack off,

Starting point is 00:35:47 I know what it's like to jerk off, it's a nice sensation to feel your skin rubbing on your head. So you're fucking yourself? Yes, it's wonderful, it's amazing, and I feel bad for all the people who don't get to actually experience that. I really do.

Starting point is 00:36:00 Really? I would never circumcise my son. I wish I wasn't. Me neither, and I've told that to Jim too. If I ever get a son, well, it'd be a fucking miracle of modern science. But if you know a circumcision, you wish you were I'm not religious for what? Yeah, no, I don't want why why why? Because I would feel I the sensation of having your not no foreskin would

Starting point is 00:36:20 probably be like having forced you to be better. Like I'm cut. So I wish I was and something happens when people get cut discoloring have you seen black guys when they get cut sometimes their dick will be half pink because of the cut and the snap what are you looking at what are you pointing at me he has a Neapolitan ice cream kind of penis he has a tricolor so a lot of people who and he's been putting hydroquinone and like to try to bleach the the dark parts and I'm like don't do that. But why that happened little snippets discoloration. Yeah. So that so the the dark ring. Yeah. I have a dark brown very ugly ring around it. It's not ugly. Okay. But it's just like it's like you know it's a vintage.

Starting point is 00:36:59 It's a vintage thing. Thank you. Exactly. Don't don't bleach it. Yeah. It's got a little elven writing around it. It's like Laura the R Thank you. Yeah, exactly. Don't bleach it. Yeah. And it's got a little elven writing around it. It's like Laura the Rix. No, but um. Hey, you fit in the fire, you can read a message. But my point is, no. So where the ring is, is probably where they cut maybe. Maybe or you may have had that anyway and you just happen to notice it because of. That's why I mentioned I see it on darker guys

Starting point is 00:37:22 because then the skin really you can tell like you can very much tell because I don't know what happens but something happens I don't know whoa okay well you know I've never shouldn't we be born I'm sorry shouldn't we be born natural though like why snip it I mean we're born the way we are weird mutilation yeah it is mutilated but this really is mutilation in my eyes I really sincerely think that I have a friend who I think he got circumcised. So he was an American kid that moved to the Philippines and because of the pressure of circumcision and being teased in school,

Starting point is 00:37:52 he opted to get circumcised when he was 13. They took a little bit too much off. So a full raging boner would hurt him. His skin would crack on this night. Oh, it got too tight, right? Yeah, it got too tight. And I felt really bad for him. It was, sex was uncomfortable for him.

Starting point is 00:38:06 I don't know if he's corrected it since, but I'm like, how do you add more skin back? Yeah, how do you let it a little out? You let me do this somehow. And I also feel like American women, maybe that's why, because I feel like if we don't, men don't can circumcise, the women don't. The women want the man to be circumcised here in America,

Starting point is 00:38:23 I feel. Yeah, because we've also perpetuated this idea of the whole like, Schmagg, Smegma, and like getting BV if a guy isn't like, cleaning a Smegma, but I think that's really false. Like, I've gotten the weirdest shit from cut guys. Who's, I don't know, who's penis is bigger? I mean. Really, Bobby?

Starting point is 00:38:42 I just wanna ask. I mean, I paid for lawyers, I flew her into the country. I mean. Jim. I just want to I mean I paid for lawyers. I flew her into the country Jim is a size queen. Yeah. Yeah, really now my dick is fine, but hers is definitely bigger I feel like you and I I mean, I mean you're you have a white version of mine, maybe Wait, wait, I feel so insulted No, you didn't look that's very insulting to me. I apologize. I'm gonna say it again I want to say it again. I want the reaction to be different. Yeah when I first met Jim No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no that I thought yeah, yeah, so um I assume that you and I have the same size penis you think I hope so man God damn it. I've wanted that but I was afraid to hope for it

Starting point is 00:39:36 But now that you've said it it's in the universe if it if mine is almost yours. I'm good. That's all I care about Oh, so um, I'm sorry for insulting you, but please but I also want to go back to um, I'm good. That's all I care about. So I'm sorry for insulting you. Oh please. But I also wanna go back to, I don't know if you remember this, but in retrospect, what a great show was me, you, Joey Diaz, Vegas, Opening for Dice. Do you remember that?

Starting point is 00:39:58 I have pictures from there. That was, Andrew was wearing like the weird, like American flag jacket. Yeah. And that was like a benefit for 9-11, but it was like in 2002, right? For like victims or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I remember that. It was me, you, Joey, I'm gonna line up.

Starting point is 00:40:12 Yeah, I tore up a dice for three. I mean, you know, you know, three while. Were you here with this? Is it like a 10 years ago? No, no. 23 years, you're 22 years ago. Oh my God. Yeah, it was a long, long time ago. I wasn't even born on this. Yes you are.

Starting point is 00:40:22 Yeah, yeah, yeah, you were. And aren't you, are you happy the way the internet changed the game or no? I wasn't even born on this. You are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you are. And aren't you, are you happy the way the internet changed the game or no? I'm fine with it. I mean, I'm a little left behind, but I'm okay with it. Like, it's helped so many people and watching what it does for like DICE, I love his videos. Those fucking videos, oh dude, waiting for the picture. People are like, what?

Starting point is 00:40:43 Yeah. It just drives people nuts. I love what Andrew's doing. So yeah, I think the internet's great. I mean, I wish I was better at it, but I mean. You weren't great. What are you talking about, dude? I mean, my Instagram is very mediocre. I love what we're doing, and I'm not just saying

Starting point is 00:40:56 that to be a plug war, but I really do. Like, I enjoy that we can just do something and put it up because networks are gonna ignore us. So I'd like that we can just do something and put it up for free. Well, I think I'm in this more of a same generation as you. And I don't know how to do any of that. Like in terms of posting Instagram,

Starting point is 00:41:12 like people go, why don't you post more? It's like, I just never think to do it. Right? It's like, I'm telling him, you should post something more like this, but he doesn't get it. I don't care. It's just not the way my mind works. Yeah, but why don't you just try?

Starting point is 00:41:25 I've tried, like the material I like putting up is when I joke bombs, like not like, I don't like. He's also an old man. Yeah, kind of. Kind of, so am I kind of. Kind of. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, 52 is pretty old.

Starting point is 00:41:36 Yeah, yeah, yeah. It sucks. It sucks. Does this suck? Yeah. But you have everything in life. The house, the cars, the wife, foreign. I mean, you have everything.

Starting point is 00:41:45 Why foreign? Why would you end like that? I'm just saying, I'm just saying, like you have everything. My life is very good. I'm very happy, but I wish I was better at uploading. But I just don't care about it that much. Yeah, but Jim, I mean, I don't want to make you feel weird,

Starting point is 00:41:59 but I'm telling you right now, and this is, I don't think I'm like exaggerating in any kind of way, but you are like a legend. No, stop, stop, stop! Stop for a second! Oh, sorry, I'm about to aggressive. I was like, what I'm saying is- That's the Bobby I like. And some people say that about me as well, right? And it feels uncomfortable.

Starting point is 00:42:19 Yeah. Right? Like, young Asian kids will go to me, like, I grew up, you know, I'm doing this because of you. You know what I mean? I look up to you, what you did. And it's so hard to, because I still feel like I haven't made it. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:42:32 I have that complex, right? But then it's like, you know, but when I think about you and I think, and I hang out with these young guys, especially from New York and stuff, I just feel like we would be nowhere or they would be nowhere without you. You and Geraldo and Patrice, I think think are the guys, you know what I mean? You know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:42:49 That like, even for me, and I'm going to give you a compliment here, I don't know if you know this, but when I first did OP and Anthony, my career was done. I mean, I couldn't get arrested. And the reason why I would do OP is because I needed to sell tickets at Carolines because they used to book me there, right? And I learned how to be a podcaster through you guys by doing that show. I really did. So it's like for me when I think about you, I think of you and Avast is in there too. Sure. I just think of you guys, not trailblazers, but guys that I really kind of look up to and go,

Starting point is 00:43:25 it's like we obviously, you look at these young New York comics and it's like you see Norton and all of them. Oh thank you guys, very nice. How does that feel? It's very difficult. You're like. I know it is.

Starting point is 00:43:38 It's hard. It's so hard. I would much rather have heard, you know, Jim and this joke he did was shitty. I'd be like, I know, I can't think of it, I can't get to it, I can't work on it. But yeah, it's hard to take home. I appreciate it, though, from a friend and who I respect.

Starting point is 00:43:48 Yeah, yeah. It's a lot. Thank you. But do you don't agree with it at all? I mean, it's it's always nice to hear. I know that, like, O and A were very good for letting comedians hang out. And I and I loved my fellow comics and always wanted guys to come in. So like, I know that I was a part of that just because I loved being with comedians and like we would come in and O&A allowed us just to kind of do what we wanted to do and that kind of was a bit of a blueprint for

Starting point is 00:44:12 what works now which is great. I mean I'm happy I was a part of that. Yeah yeah yeah. And I got lucky I get to improv with all my the funniest people in the world. Yeah yeah. It was it was an amazing thing and I felt like O&A also used people that not necessarily okay that's me just gonna look at me back oh yeah every clip on YouTube of Bobby on opening Anthony always starts with Bobby has panic attack yeah well that first time was one of the demos because I didn't know how to do it then like I when I was on the show I felt like I was drowning wow I never knew who was real or not.

Starting point is 00:44:45 No, it was. You're so funny. And I never believed half what you said. I honestly, it was just, Bobby was just this entity that would kind of come in and say crazy shit. And one time you left because we had a guy dressed like a bunny rabbit. And I'm like, there's no way Bobby believes that.

Starting point is 00:45:01 No, but I remember that. You could push pause now, I don't wanna see it. But yeah, yeah. But I just remember being like, oh, these guys are bullying me in my mind. And then the next time I went on, it was like, oh, there I am, I'm gonna put that here. Can you just push pause, please?

Starting point is 00:45:15 Yeah. I don't wanna look at myself. No, we loved you though, you were so unique and funny. Oh, thank you. Every time was fucking hilarious. I just listened to thousands. Yeah, I got in trouble with things I've said. But anyway, let's move on.

Starting point is 00:45:26 Yeah, I mean, look, I got in trouble for jokes. I went a little crazy. But yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, little nuts. If any consolation, we almost never believed you. I know, I know. So anyway, but so let's go talk back to Jim anyway. So that's, I just wanted you to put that in your heart.

Starting point is 00:45:44 Well, thank you. It means a lot. I mean, I do more because I just don't you should post more. May I yeah, I just hire a guy. What's that? I have people around me that doing shit. I should yeah, we have People that would do it and I'm so being a territorial about material like I don't want anybody to make the edits And I'm just again like that what I do with our thing is like I love what we do I have fun doing that the clips I just go yeah no one's gonna watch it no we want to see this shit so if a joke bombs I love putting up jokes that bomb

Starting point is 00:46:11 but not ironically like a joke that just really doesn't work yeah like when a joke stinks it's like well that's what you're getting yeah that feels good huh but um do you've never done stand-up no I didn't I mean you're very you're very funny thank you I didn't even know what comedy was before I met Jim. I didn't understand that comedians when they talk, this was material. I thought this was just a person on stage trying to be funny. She's so fucking literal. The first time Nikki saw me live was in Montreal and the guy, some guy goes, man, that blonde

Starting point is 00:46:41 you were with didn't laugh once. I'm like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't get it at first.

Starting point is 00:46:48 But how did you, I mean, can I just go back to how you guys met them? Sure. Yes. So you were in New York, obviously. You're in. Norway. Norway.

Starting point is 00:46:56 And how does the internet obviously is? Yes. I've said, I've done a lot of interviews where I say, like, I love trans women. And I've talked about that for years Yeah, anybody who's shocked. I mean you haven't been listening since late 90s I saw an interview that he did and I didn't know that he was a comedian I just saw this man of something we're talking about trans people

Starting point is 00:47:14 So I messaged him and we started to talk on Facebook and then it turned out that she was also online That was like why I really enjoy your work Yeah, oh so you saw stuff. Oh, yeah, of course camming. Yeah, oh you cam. Oh, yeah, we're only fans Yeah, oh before only I quit right before only fans became a thing. Are you jerked off to it? Oh, I mean, I don't want to say I jerked off to but I will say my ceiling is a different color When come dries it's more yellow. Yeah, yeah. I don't know why I know that. How do I know?

Starting point is 00:47:48 There's like a yellow. I know that. Yeah, you know that too. Yeah, yeah. Are they just dead? I don't know. Anyway, let's move on from my butt. Because I remember my mom had, she got an ice chipper.

Starting point is 00:48:02 So I had this Duran Duran poster above my, in high school. Sure. And below it were like, as if the poster was crying yellow tears. Oh my God. I remember one day I came out from school and my mom was chipping.

Starting point is 00:48:17 Chipping at it. She didn't know what it was. She thought that the walls were like old or something. Oh no. I go, yeah, it's a cement or whatever, the drywall. Why would you shoot into a wall? I don't shoot into a wall. No, I would come and just... It would hit the wall.

Starting point is 00:48:34 No, no, I would put it on my hand and just... Oh, oh. Weird choice. Yeah, I'm so lazy. Yeah, I'm not gonna get up and get a sock. But that makes you feel like, what have I been doing when you come home and your mother's doing Shawshank Redemption? It's like.

Starting point is 00:48:47 Oh no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It jerk off too much. Yeah, yeah. I remember doing that, but yeah, I don't know why I know that. Yeah, and so then, how did you,

Starting point is 00:48:59 so you guys were talking on Facebook. Yeah. And then when I was watching her, we just started talking and face, we faced time for eight months before we actually physically met. Wow. Wow your friends. We became like legit friends That's why our relationship works. We just got along. Yeah, and then but let me say something when you first met What was that? I booked gigs Bill Byrd always been on me to go overseas. I booked gigs in Norway

Starting point is 00:49:19 I booked Amsterdam. I booked Belgium just to meet her. The only reason I went over there to do gigs I wanted to meet Nikki. Well, he booked his tour of course too. To cook. To be able to spend time with him. That's so sweet. Yeah, and we met and I really liked her and we got along well. We talked well.

Starting point is 00:49:33 Did you hook up the first night or no? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I was limited, I had limited time in the city. Yeah. And then I flew to Amsterdam to finish it. Oh really? Yeah, come, come. We had such fun.

Starting point is 00:49:44 We're not to eat and it was just great. I knew I really liked her a lot. Wow. And so it's your love? Yeah, I mean it was pretty fast but I didn't you know again it was ups and downs and it was this is back in 2017. Yeah. So we've known each other for a long long time. Wow. So weird to be on these podcasts and talk about it because we kind of lived life secretly for like five years during this immigration process. Yeah. Because if I was going to be public during that, I don't want to have any fans of Jim interfering with my immigration process. And I also, the main reason too is if it didn't work, I didn't want to be talking about it on the air and going, fuck the government.

Starting point is 00:50:19 Like I didn't want to go down that rabbit hole. Right. First of all, people would get bored. Nobody wants to hear about the international immigration of real time. And then it was also like, I never knew from the government if I would get a yes or no. So what, are we gonna be public and then it's only no and then we both kill ourselves? Like no. Yeah, I didn't know what was gonna happen.

Starting point is 00:50:33 I was really scared that she wouldn't get in. I couldn't see anything beyond that. It would end badly. Yeah, it would have ended badly. It would have been hard. I mean, if the immigration thing didn't work out, it would have been a heartbreak. I wouldn't even know what to do.

Starting point is 00:50:42 It would be a heart-fucking-work. It would have been, yeah, I would have hated it. But whatever, it worked out and she's here and like life is good. Like if you told me this was as good as it will ever get, like this is the top. But that gave me a little PTSD gem because I was relatively young at that time and I never thought that they would tell me no as a Norwegian. Never. So I think I'm giving me a little PTSD I think it has. Wow. Five years is insane. It's insane. And I could go into Canada, no problem.

Starting point is 00:51:07 They let me right in. Yeah. I even went to school there because my other visa wouldn't hold for too long. So I had to start school, college. I didn't want to go to fucking college. But you imagine I went to college for this old comedian. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:51:22 She did. She went for a year in Montreal. Again, all during the pandemic. I didn't talk to anyone in Canada, I didn't have any friends, of course I didn't do that myself, but it was just weird. Being with someone like who's Jim,

Starting point is 00:51:32 it's very hard for me to meet people my age because I don't think they understand, or it's weird also when you're just married. Yeah. You know, being a girl and being 26, meeting another 26 year old, they're gonna treat me differently. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:51:43 Right. It's 100%. Yeah. So I've just kind of lived life in solidarity with differently. Yeah. Right. It's 100%. Yeah. So I'm just kind of lived life in solidarity with this man for a while. That's fucking amazing. Have you met her family? Yes.

Starting point is 00:51:52 Her family. They love Jim. They like me a lot. Oh great, great. Yeah, and my parents love her. Oh that's great. I'd have to talk. You know, like in 2017 when we first met,

Starting point is 00:51:59 I'm like, look, I met this person. Jim has done everything for me, like literally everything. He's changed my life completely. Well, she's changed mine too. I mean, it's just being married is what happens. No, but Jim has really done like literally everything for me. It's crazy.

Starting point is 00:52:13 And my family was cool with it. My parents were like, my mother's like, are you gay? Like, but she had to ask. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, come on, mom. Aw. Like, I don't want to talk about dicks. He's the same one.

Starting point is 00:52:24 But I feel like you I don't want to talk about dicks. He's the same old girl. I feel like you were one of the first people that I heard openly and proudly talk about like being attracted to trans girls. And I really liked it. Like I really appreciated it. Just cause like kind of, you know, like no one else was outwardly saying it in a way that was like, you know, not negative.

Starting point is 00:52:42 You know what I mean? Yeah. I didn't know anyone else in the industry who's married a trans person. I don't, and if they did, they must have done it behind closed doors. I can think of one, I mean, who, I don't know. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:52:53 I don't think about it really. I mean, I understand that it is what it is, but I don't have any, it's just like, to me, it's fine and natural. And that's, and that, but that is how it is for us too. It's like, we're just a married couple. Like that's kind of the it is for us too. It's like, we're just a married couple. Like that's kind of the point of the whole YouTube channel. It's like, we're just a married couple.

Starting point is 00:53:09 Like, and all these weird things people think about it. It's like, no, you fight about the same shit. There's no difference. It's life. Yeah. I have a question for you, Nikki. Are there trans girls that are genuinely attracted to women? Yes. Because I have an attraction. are genuinely attracted to women.

Starting point is 00:53:26 Yes. Because I have an attraction. I'm attracted to trans girls, but I find that they're never attracted to me. Really? And it's usually, I mean, I mean, maybe I just haven't met any. No, I've seen a few. I mean, I was gonna say, Caitlyn Jenner,

Starting point is 00:53:40 she's with a trans person now, but she's also trans, right? But yeah, I think that's a thing too. I've had a few girls written me wanting to be with me, but that was just never my thing. So, but that's probably a bit more rare. Yeah. But it does exist though.

Starting point is 00:53:56 I've known a few trans girls who I know like women, but it's just, it's not very common. You like trans girls? I find them super attractive, yeah. They don't find you attractive? The ones that I've met, no. They're typically just really into men, like are repulsed by pussy.

Starting point is 00:54:09 Well, I think a lot of trans people do want a straight man, you know? That's very hot. You want a straight man. Yeah, you look like you got one. So, I recently dated a guy and he was an artist and he was really into trans girls. And so at that time I thought, oh, it could never happen.

Starting point is 00:54:25 The threesome could never happen because they were attracted to him and not me because I had a pussy. Oh, oh, I knew, I knew, you should have called me. I know, I probably know a couple who was, who would have enjoyed that interaction. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh.

Starting point is 00:54:41 It's possible, yeah. Yeah. You know, I would be open to it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. If I met I would be open to it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. If I met the right person. Yeah. Do you have a favorite trans porn star?

Starting point is 00:54:50 There's this girl, she's Filipino. Her name's Eva. Eva. She used to be on DVD ASA with Dave Choe a lot. Can you look her up? Yeah. Yeah, she's super, super pretty. Eva, it's not Eva Lynn, right?

Starting point is 00:55:02 I don't think her last name is Lynn. Okay. Yeah. Who I knew, yeah. Okay. Would she die? No, no, no, I'm sorry, I don't think her last name is Lynn. Yeah. Who I knew, yeah. Okay. Would she die? No, no, no, I'm sorry, I was having a seizure in a year. Oh. You're right, as I said that, but just, you know,

Starting point is 00:55:11 RIP, how you doing? She lives in, yeah, she's fine, she's a bright one. Yeah, no, no, I was just alive. Oh, it is, Eva Lynn. It is Eva Lynn? Yeah, yeah, she's beautiful, right? Yeah, she's gorgeous. She's in the opening of one of my specials.

Starting point is 00:55:20 In the, Who is? Yeah, I used her and Ozzy Osbourne, we're actually in the opening of- Is she in the short hair?, I used her and Ozzy Osbourne rocks in the opening of. Is she the one with the short hair? She has short hair, don't remember. She, I shot something at the London with her and for the opening of a special.

Starting point is 00:55:31 Yeah, I love Evelyn. She's, I didn't know she was on that podcast. Yeah, she did a couple shows with Dave Cho back then, like a decade ago. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's when I first saw her. I was like, oh my God, she's so pretty. Yeah, she's beautiful.

Starting point is 00:55:42 Yeah, she's beautiful. So what's the YouTube channel called? Just Nicki and Jim NYC. Nicki and Jim. Yeah, I can't watch myself. It's just, yeah, it's either. So cute. A piece of our lives.

Starting point is 00:55:52 No, let me answer something. I'm the same way. Why can't we see ourselves? Because we're trained to see things like what's funny about this and what's funny about something is never positive or beautiful. What's funny about something is always negative or the ugliness or the falling apart of it and I just can't watch myself because I can only see what's wrong with it hmm I think that's my take on it but if you're on a TV like you have you

Starting point is 00:56:16 acted well I mean some would call it yeah I would call it blinking my way through it yeah I have the same blinking of flickering. People have called me blink 182. Once I get more and more anxious, then it's like... Synopsis of firing, right? I wonder what that is. It's a little Tourette'sy. It's also just the brain.

Starting point is 00:56:39 A lot of times when you're thinking, your mind is just... I don't know. I think that you have a control need, and you have to control the situation and that he's manic, because when he sleeps there's nothing. Maybe I am manic. When he wakes up there's not that much,

Starting point is 00:56:50 but once he starts today in a little coffee, ah! Yay. It's a terrible impression on me by the way. I don't know. I don't know. So, to YouTube and then you're on tour now? I've been on tour, yeah, I'm finally going back out.

Starting point is 00:57:03 I've been off the road for a long time. We're on little dates here and there. Do you go on the road with him? Well, I wanna go to the fun places. I thought when I first went on tour with him, that it would be fun and glamorous, but it's not. No, it's not. It's not, I had the same thing happen

Starting point is 00:57:19 when I first dated Bobby. I mean, we would go to places like where the comedy club is right next to a mattress store, and I'm like, what the fuck? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Am I here for? Oh, punch mean, we would go to places like where the comedy club was right next to a mattress store and I'm like, what the fuck? Yeah. Yeah. Am I here for? Oh, punchline, punchline.

Starting point is 00:57:29 But he would specifically bring me to the shitty cities because he just had nothing else to do there, so he was like, at least I have company and he wouldn't bring me to the better fun or something. Well, I mean, some of the cities are just so dismal. What do you do? I mean, it's so depressing. It's so terrible. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:57:43 So depressing. It is. We'll go out and do stuff, but I mean, I like having her. It's so terrible. Yeah, so depressing. It is, and we'll go out and do stuff, but I mean, I like having her on the road, and she likes the material that I talk about us, which is like, I couldn't have married a fragile person. I like that you talk about my neck. Yeah, yeah, and I could never have married a person that would have been upset by that,

Starting point is 00:57:55 because it wouldn't be fun for me to talk about it. A lot of trans women, well, some of them would probably invalidate me being trans just because I'd like to keep my cock. There's so many different levels. Nuances of these trans people. You see these porn stars, they don't care. But so, Nikki, you've never seen a vagina in the flesh.

Starting point is 00:58:12 No, never. Wow. And is it something you've just largely avoided? I think so probably. I don't know, I've never seen one. I've never been in that situation. And I strictly like men sexually, so I've never been in a sexual situation

Starting point is 00:58:24 with another woman. What about family members? Like, I had a naky mom. And I strictly like men sexually, so I've never been in a sexual situation with another woman. What about like family members? Like I had a naked mom. I had a mom who just was like bush out every day, walking around, changed in front of me, showered with me. Little weird I know.

Starting point is 00:58:34 No, I'm saying how do I get that to happen in my house? I've been living money on the table mom. It's your own thing. Yeah. I grew up as an only child, but I never saw her vagina around You had a naky dad. Yeah. Yeah, but yeah my dad. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and when I saw his dick I was like I'm gonna kill myself because oh

Starting point is 00:58:54 Because I just passed down, but it's not passed down. No no Jim I'm gonna tell you right now sure look at me my little be the eyes do it is not passed down understandable Right now. Sure. Look at me in my little BDIs dude. It is not passed down. Understandable. No. No. No. No. Fuck you man. It is much bigger.

Starting point is 00:59:11 Your dad's is. No. No, no, my... Oh yours? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Nice. Yeah, yeah, thank you, thank you. Much better, good, good.

Starting point is 00:59:18 Anywho, right, so. But you know what one looks like? Yes. Okay. Are you just kind of like, about it? Yeah, I mean, when it's me and I put myself in a situation I would never want to touch it. So it's just me, I don't want to.

Starting point is 00:59:32 It does scare me, yeah. But Nicky, I've never seen a koala bear. But I've seen him in the photos. That's good enough for me. That's true. That's like me with pussy, yeah. Same thing, same thing. I can see pussy like in Australia during the fire and on a tree

Starting point is 00:59:48 That's a bad example. I never said to a girl. Don't watch that koala bear. Just throw it on my face Koalas like harbor chlamydia do they really? Why would we need to know that fucking because you're a raw dog you get raw dog koala. I wasn't saying was it a fucking koala Like raw dog hog. Oh, I wasn't saying, was it a fucking koalas? Like raw dog hug. Oh, I see. Oh, you might get it from hugging it. I don't even know. But I know that they harbor some type of like...

Starting point is 01:00:10 Yeah, 20-90% of koalas. Wow. Yeah, chlamydia. Good to know though. Like what's gonna happen if I sonomize the marsupial? I don't even know. That is good information to know. You sonomize is worse.

Starting point is 01:00:24 I've seen a few. Yeah. I want something to be personal, but if you chose to get an operation, would that turn you off? Oh my God. I mean, no, I would still love you. I would miss you.

Starting point is 01:00:38 Would not go out. Yeah, that was- People would say to me, why do you have that tiny little coffin on your mantle? I'm like, you don't want to know what's in there. People would say to me, why do you have that tiny little coffin on your mantle? You don't want to know what's in there. That would be amazing. Right, so it would ruin it.

Starting point is 01:00:52 He would open it every night. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, because I love her as she is. It's almost like, and then you say that and somebody will say, you don't really love Niki, but that's simply not the truth. If you're in a relationship and your wife has a pussy or if your husband has a dick and if your husband goes, I want to get rid of it, well yeah, you still love your husband, but it's not the same. Like you wouldn't, something would be different. So yeah, I love Nikki as she is.

Starting point is 01:01:13 Right. Okay, that's great. Yeah. And if we talk to, I'm glad she didn't get surgeries. Well, I'm transgender and you know, these people, it's like a quote, like everyone is getting the surgery. It's the facial feminization surgery, tits the butt the hips I'm so happy where I'm a point now where I never went down any surgical road and I wish that more trans people would think that way too. You're so unique when I met you in Montreal. But I look different then. I thought still that you were hot. Well thanks Bobby. I really did. Thank you. She's hot. Yeah you were very nice about it which was

Starting point is 01:01:42 you were always very nice yeah. Oh you're welcome. Yeah, you were very nice about it, which was... Thanks. You were always very nice, yeah. Oh, you're welcome. So you're saying like even within the trans community, people, you get invalidated because... Yeah, by some. Yeah. Well, usually the activists sometimes too. Yeah. And I've been to a trans convention in Canada once and there's a lot of jealousy in the

Starting point is 01:02:01 trans community. For me, it's the worst jealousy consumed place to be. I don't wanna be around all these other trans, I don't know, they're very good at putting each other down. Yeah, I think. And if you don't agree with them on, for example, this little small political thing, then they will invalidate you

Starting point is 01:02:17 and never include you in their group. That sounds about right, I think, for just about everyone. Anything like even being Filipino, like there's a being Asian. It's just a new punishing world, I guess. Yeah, I mean, I have views I can't even say. Yeah, I mean, I'm so afraid. I mean, if I really talked about what I really feel, it's over.

Starting point is 01:02:42 Who do you think would hate it? Would it be everyone or specific groups? I think some of Hollywood, okay a lot of liberals sure and I'm just so Scared of the mob that like I I'm constantly editing and I hate it I think the problem is too. It's not even that they're mad at you for having like your point of view They're mad at the tiny little mistakes and slip ups. And you'll get canceled over the tiniest thing taken out of the Mexican Mexican.

Starting point is 01:03:09 But everyone is doing like podcasts now. Like everyone, and it's not the point to talk. Like remember back in the old days, when who was that with the old talk show? Carson, I don't know, these old guys who would talk about everything, Dick Cavett. Would literally talk about everything on TV. And now if you do that, that literally get canceled. It's crazy watch till Donahue's interview This is a weird one 1995 with Khaled Muhammad

Starting point is 01:03:32 He was the second in command the nation of Islam under Louis Farrakhan And he's the one that went after Jews really hard and he said some terrible things and he like Farrakhan All right, this guy's too much and actually When the Farrakhan went, all right, this guy's too much. And actually, when Farrakhan goes, all right, go to the next guy, this is Christ. Wow. I mean, Write that down, because I want to watch it later.

Starting point is 01:03:50 Khaled Muhammad. And the thing was, this was on daytime television. Yeah. And the language used between Phil Donahue, and there was a respectful interview. And yeah, when you get a chance. Wow, wow, wow. And that guy had a bunch of nation of Islam members there.

Starting point is 01:04:01 Yeah. Phil was great. And this guy, Khaled Muhammad said what he wanted to say, but it was an honest conversation you'd never see anymore because it would upset too many people. But they both got to talk. It was great to watch them have that conversation. How do you feel about the sensitivity of America

Starting point is 01:04:16 or the world right now? It's a lie. I'm not offended by it. It's a lie. I don't believe it. It's a whole thing is a lie. And people are doing it just to pretend to be angry so they have a reason to execute someone. It's not based in I'm offended. it's based in you've made a mistake and now I can pounce and not be punished for pouncing. It's all a lie. It's a lie. It's 300 million people

Starting point is 01:04:34 larking. I do not believe people truly like live their lives offended by something. But the problem, you know, you might want to do better. Yeah, shut up. I can life. But the problem. Yeah, you know, you might wanna do better. Yeah. I shut up, I can't. But the problem is now, you know, networks and the industry, they react to the mob, right? And that's where the fear lies. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:04:58 But you're almost like, your podcast is so big and you guys are doing so well. You're lucky. Like they, you're a machine and they can't stop what you're doing like the beauty of being in this position you know working for a network yeah there's always but there's ways to nothing you guys think the industry is dying out like for real like imagine in ten years do you think there will be an industry because everyone's up and running on their own yeah I've had friends that are like actors and stuff

Starting point is 01:05:22 they're promoting a movie and they won't do any of my podcasts, but they'll do like a late night show. And I want to tell them, I go, I think it would be better if you did mine. Yeah, I mean, I reach more people, a lot more people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but that's just still the optics of being part of that scene still.

Starting point is 01:05:41 Yeah. And now my new theory is this, and I'm just, this is a new thing, I don't wanna be a part of it. Cause I lived here, why? For more than 25 years, because I tried to get into the club. Yep, you know what I mean? And I kept, I'm at the door knocking, I took the acting classes, you know what I mean?

Starting point is 01:06:03 I did the fucked up auditions, you know what I mean, I did the fucked up auditions, you know what I mean, waiting in line. And over, when you do it for a long period of time and they don't let you in, it's a sign for me to go, you know what, I don't wanna go in. I'm not rejecting the business, but I'm accepting their rejection of me. Like, it is what it is.

Starting point is 01:06:23 It is what it is. It is what it is. Yeah, yeah it is. And no hard feelings. No hard feelings. I did the Tonight Show for years. I did 40 Lennos. And then there's a new one and I was told like, nah, you're not right for the show. Alright, it is what it is. Like, whatever. I mean, I'm lucky I got to do what I did. I'm lucky I'm alive. I'm lucky I'm fucking married to someone I I like life is good. So all the things that don't happen Sure, I want to fire bomb a few agents offices. Of course Doesn't want to run in with an explosive device

Starting point is 01:06:53 And go how does you not green light this you piece of shit? Yeah, yeah, but it is what it is. Wow. It's not personal Wow, well, let me say something It was a pleasure having you guys on I I love you, man, I'm so happy. You're so nice. I mean, I've had some difficult ones. And this was from the beginning, so fucking easy. Please come back. Please come back. You've had difficult ones.

Starting point is 01:07:16 You're so... No, but sometimes you're with a guest and it's like, you know, after 20 minutes I'm like, I don't know what to say. Oh, I've had that too. You have to drive it? Yeah, yeah, yeah., I'm like, I don't know. What's, oh, I've had that too. You have to drive it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I hate it.

Starting point is 01:07:28 It's, well, people probably though, cause you're a force, like, and I really mean that, like, people probably don't know not to let you drive it. Like, instead of like a lot of times people going back and forth, they're like, Bobby is driving this and they don't want to step in and attempt to drive it. And you know what I mean? In a good way.

Starting point is 01:07:44 Why you laughing? Because we just talked. I was just telling you this before we were recording. We were saying the same thing as him. I don't even understand what you even mean. So let's get down to the science of it. Can you say that again so we believe it? Don't say it in layman's term.

Starting point is 01:08:00 OK. Bobby's so good no one wanted to do what Bobby did. Oh! No, because you were a force and you were very, very electric. And I'm really being serious, like explosive person in a great, funny way. And you have reached even Norway audiences. I've seen your face all over Europe.

Starting point is 01:08:21 Everybody knows. When he would go back to the Philippines with me. Mm-hmm. Tons of people. Wow. Okay. Tons of people. Yeah. So whatever direction it's going in,

Starting point is 01:08:32 a guest would assume that that's the direction you want it to go in or you want it to. So they probably aren't like, they don't know how to jump in. I want to dance. I understand. And you and I were dancing. We sure were.

Starting point is 01:08:41 We were all dancing. We were, yeah. Yeah, you were. Dicks were pressing together. We loved it all dancing. We were, yeah. Yeah, you're right. Our dicks were pressing together. We loved it. We loved it. We loved it. Anyway guys, on, honest truth, open door policy here.

Starting point is 01:08:52 Anytime you're in town, we'll have you guys on. This was fabulous. That was so fun. Love you guys. Give them a round of applause. Thank you. Wait a second, let's Instagram. Yeah, yeah, follow them.

Starting point is 01:09:01 I'm Jim Norton. This is Miss Nikki Norton. MS Nikki Norton. And at Nikki and Jim NYC on YouTube. That's Brian. This is so cute. So much guys. I love you guys.

Starting point is 01:09:12 Thank you guys. Yung mungi ay tohilo Suko loogin mo, o kisalaman Fi gita nga kong gani ay makabaloli Ulo kaya madong-dong ngangipong po lang Yung mungi ay tohilo

TigerBelly - Jim & Nikki Norton

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