TigerBelly - Jim Norton, Nikki, & Married with Bunk Beds

Episode Date: February 14, 2024

Jim & Nikki Norton visit TigerBelly. We chat Opie & Anthony, yellow tears, dejected Yao Ming, Blink 182, money on the table.  Helix is offering 20% off all mattress orders AND two free pillows for our listeners! Go to www.helixsleep.com/belly and use code HELIXPARTNER20. This is their best offer yet and it won’t last long! With Helix, better sleep starts now. Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at www.shopify.com/tigerbelly ALL LOWERCASE. Go to www.shopify.com/tigerbelly now to grow your business–no matter what stage you’re in. www.shopify.com/tigerbelly Download the DraftKings Casino app NOW and use code TIGERBELLY. New players get an instant deposit match up to ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS in casino credits when you deposit five dollars or more. That’s code TIGERBELLY, only on DraftKings Casino. The crown is yours.  

Bokaii, Chukalakalak, oh, the baka-do-locke, I'm a one, two, three, nine, nine,

nine, nine, nine, Bobby Lee. Welcome to another episode of, oh, God. No, I started smoking against. I was hoping it was COVID.

God, what a joy. Welcome to Tiger Belly. I am Bobby, a Kalila, Gilbert. The gang's in the room, but we have two very special

special... In a regal way. In a regally way, yeah, yeah. From the neck up, you're a little... But we'll talk about that later. I don't have the strength, though, unfortunately. No, you don't have the hidden...

No, no, no. Just the vibes. Why are they so strong? But we'll talk about that later. But do you know why they're strong? On the spot. No, why are you asking me? I don't know. I mean... I kind of feel like you have some, like, super... human strength? No, I'm very strong. Number one, I think that I have quarter.

Got it. A quarter down. A quarter down. We already established this. Yeah, yeah, I have a quarter down. But let's let's just, let's introduce our guests and then you can tell about my quarter down. Sure. Okay. We have Jimmy and Nikki Norton and give them a round of applause. We have a YouTube show, the new videos and whatnot. And I, and I remember in Montreal, all, yeah. 2019. We had like a little

meal or coffee or something. Yes, we had met each other before Bobby. It was you, me, Bonnie McFarland. Love her. And who else was?

Kay Connor was there. I think that was it. Oh, okay. Or Voss was there? I think maybe Vos. Did we have a bad time? His smell was there. We had a bad time

Voss was there. If it was nice and it was finally, he wasn't there. Yeah, yeah. No, he wasn't there. Yeah. Because we had a good time.

Yeah. This was just for laughs. Just for laughs, Montreal. Mm-hmm. Do you think Voss's dick still works? Yes, I do. I really do think Voss's dick still works. Yeah.

Unlike him on the road. I think his dick is fine. Oh, he's a feature now? Oh, yeah, his dick sells out. Rich, we love you. Yes. Anyway, so we... No, it's funny.

Even before you even came to America, I think, Nikki, I think I overheard him talking about you when we were doing Opie back in the day. No, we were doing... You and I were doing that shoot for that guy Ramesh, that British comic. We were doing that shoot. It was like a Showtime shoot at the comedy store outside, and I was texting with you. How do you remember the shit like that?

I have a very weird memory. I remember everything except to wear condoms. Have you used one? No. No, no, no, no. You know, can I just say something? Yeah. I saw everyone in the room.

The other day, I'm sorry, you have to hear it. Because we're ax. She's my ax. But it's been two years. I'm fine. It's fine. I'm going to tell you something, all right? You don't preface every, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, but I want to say this, okay? I was with a girl, hot and heavy, right? And, you know, I put my penis against the entryway. Yeah. What do you call it? Whole? Which orifice? The Christian orifice.

She looks at me and she goes, we don't have a condom. And I go, oh, yeah. Like I was like being taught this rule. Wow. And we didn't do it. You know what I mean? But every time before that it was just like, Rod Dock City, you know what I mean?

It was like, yeah. But I don't even know how it works, but I'm sure I'll figure it out. Yeah, I never liked them. Never liked. You've used them before then. I have when I've had to, but I never, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't like them either.

No. I've seen a few who try to get the condom on and they can't do it. What do you mean? Like, because the process. Sometimes just goes limp when they put it on. Oh, my mind. It's hard for it to stay hard when they put it on because that's not very sexy. Wow.

Or it just sort of like breaks the, you know, the stream of passion maybe a little bit. Not if you do it quickly. I know how to call you. I feel like Asians can do it quickly. It's on. A little sushi roll. It's a medium-sized sushi roll. Oh, okay.

Head roll. When did you guys get married? We got married two years ago. Wow. Big wedding? No, just a city hall. City hall because she came into the country. Well, this was more for paperwork.

work. So my immigration history was long. Well, you know a little, Bobby. You know I'm saying about story with Jim. When she was in Canada, you were... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's right. That's right. That's right. Yeah. I remember now. You were living in Canada and you would go up there often. Yeah, yeah. I remember that now, yeah. I didn't think you were from North Korea.

I've been a great country. Not really, but, so you, two years ago, so you didn't have a big wedding. Nothing. Nothing. No, it was just my manager Jonathan came and was the witness. If Jonathan couldn't make it, Colin Quinn was like the standby. We were all masked up. It was a city hall thing just to do. We want to have an actual wedding. If it wasn't

for immigration purposes, would you guys have gotten married, do you think? I never wanted to, but that kind of forced me to do it. But yeah, I might have. I mean, I love Nikki. And I'm actually like being married. So it took me 1,500 plus days to emigrate, which is insane. Yeah, it was wild. You're originally from

Norway? Yes. I didn't really. the immigration process from like a European country would be that difficult. And it's not at all. There's something called an esta, which is basically automatic. You apply online. But I got a fine in Norway, a $100 fine for smoking weed or something like that. So I just paid the fine and then it came on my record. So now, since federally, weed is the number one schedule and heroin is number two,

they're treating me. The guy in the embassy goes, look, you're a convicted criminal. I can't let you in. You need a waiver. And I kept getting denied, denied, denied, denied. denied, denied, denied until we tried for the waiver when we got engaged. And that took another two years because a waiver is a whole other thing. Now you have to send in, I mean, the amount of paperwork is as big as this table.

It's fucking crazy. I was in Canada for the whole pandemic. So I understand why people come to this country illegally. I mean, I really do get it crazy. Well, that's fucking incredible. But also for smoking weed sounds so bananas. And then in half the states here, I'm assuming it's legal. Meanwhile, federally, it's not, which is very, very.

confusing to me. It's so confusing and also, these countries that criminalize weed, look at Korea that fucking actor from Parasite. He killed himself. Oh, really? Because he was smoking, I guess, weed at a bar? I mean, no, it was more than that. What? I mean, there was definitely some, I think

there was, like, rumors of, like, infidelity and other things he got caught for. And meth, like, yeah, she was blackmailing him, I think, the bartender, right? It wasn't just weed. I think it was more than that. Okay. But, but you're not wrong in that who cares if someone cheats and who cares if someone does drugs? It shouldn't be you know, reason to kill yourself.

Right. Or to be shamed in that way that like you're considered, you're not considered like, you know what I mean? And that's why like what? Koreans look at me with shame. Not anymore. No, they do. There's a time.

No, they do. They do. Is this true? I'm being honest. Because when I go on the road now, I look at the audience and I was telling, I don't forget I was telling. There's three, like if I'm playing like 3,000 seats, there's five Asians.

It just doesn't make us any sense. Not Tiger Belly shows. Oh yeah, maybe that is that one was split. What's a Chad? I don't know. I know it's not a compliment. I mean, what would you guess the Chad is? A Chad, like I would guess a stockier male.

Yeah. Is that what it is? Drinks monsters, punches drywall type. But is it like, oh, yeah, yeah. Is it a Karen equivalent? No, no. Okay, okay. What's a Karen equivalent?

Chad is more of like a broie type. I like broleys. What's the opposite of Chad for a guy? Um, what is the... Uh, what is the... No, no, no, no. Because Chad's can also be... Gary Goldman.

Gary Coleman? That was your guess. I love Gary. I don't know why I said that, but anybody, please move on. What's the opposite of a Chad? The opposite of a Chad is probably someone granola a little bit. What's a granola? Like, kind of, like a...

Like, I don't know, I've just, I, in my head, I've categorized... Granola. Okay, so it is like... Chad is more of the... masculine omega than yours or not an omega but it's like a beta would be the opposite. My dad. Oh, then me? Yes. Yes, you're kind of opposite. I'm opposite. Yeah. Okay. You too though. My wife's a Chad.

Well, I'm much more muscular than Jim. I'm actually. I'm pretty sure I could beat you if I wanted to. Oh, so you know, fight? Do you think honestly? I think. I think so. No, because remember she hits me. No, but he I can go into bruscerker mode and completely black out. Well, if there's a threat, of course. Yeah, good.

Yes. I feel like you're good with elbows. Oh, very, with the nails. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're also just, like, long. And I feel like you can kind of reach across and really, you know. But when I go manic and loose my shit, I'll get a blackout. I'll beat anyone else.

It's a real threat. That's good. Have you guys gotten a fight where you're, like, in the red zone? No, no, no, no, we are you. I told her to take Muay though. She has great balance like she throws good kicks I mean you ought to take that like

We have a very soft gentle relationship Never any physicality A little arguing Yeah debating Sure Like about what Flat earth

Just classic marriage Classic marriage She always proves me wrong though Because she lay in her back And her dick doesn't follow the curve God damn it she's right Yes

Yeah So you guys don't fight, you guys get along, and you guys don't get tired of each other? No, I mean, we have, like, any married couple, like you want... I mean, sometimes, but not... Like, you like your time in the house. Like, I like to be a couple of rooms.

You go in one room, I'll go in the other, but, like, I don't want to be away from her, like... I want to do, like, the king and the queen of England, like they sleep in separate bedrooms. Yes, that's what I would want in an ideal average. I'd want it because they're both dead. But Nikki, Nikki, can I say... Yes.

I want... If I'm ever in... my bad. Can you stop with it? Let the fuck up. Anyway, I fucking love you. If I'm ever in another relationship again, I'm going to insist on two different beds and two different rooms. Yes.

Two different houses. Okay. Two different countries. Maybe I should go back to Norway. Two different planets. So anyway, no, I would probably go, you know, let's, you stay in your room and every once in all, if you smash or whatever, maybe you can spend the night one night, you know what I mean? But it's like a treat.

They like a treat. It's a treat for you. Basically like Frida Kahlo. Who's that? Is that some sort of revolutionary Spanish? Frida Kahlo and her husband. They had like two separate houses and they had that little bridge that would connect their homes. And I thought that was sort of brilliant. I love that. Like if that works for them, how fabulous.

We have a bed like the king bed, but it's two twin beds together that raise and lower separately. So it's kind of nice to have like fucking my own level of raising and she can do what she wants on her side. but there's a divide in between. Yes, I had pitched this to you a long time ago, we're still together, how we should just do bunk beds, remember? That's not what they're talking about. Where you live in jail? That's not what they're talking about.

You know, like those sleep number beds were. Yeah, no, but see, it still feels like a separation because, like, let's suppose one person is higher, one person is lower, that's sort of bunk beddy. Yeah, it's nice. Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because she's a hog, so I like to have my own.

I don't like being touched when I sleep. I definitely wasn't molested, but I don't like to be touched by sleep. You're like him then, so you don't like being like any type of like cuddling or... Before sleep, sure, but when it's time for sleep. No, I could fall asleep cuddling. I love to cuddle. Same. I'm the most cuddly.

I want to cuddle. Same. I love it. It's my favorite. I'll fall right to sleep. But he likes to sleep with the bedroom completely ice cold and I can't handle it. Because I'm in hormones and my body just doesn't work with my body. I cold sweat then and that's terrible.

Wake up cold sweating. Yeah, I don't like being touched when I sleep. I don't like it. I don't like draper arm over me. But he has on three. ACs on blast and another fan and it's just too. So what do you do that, Nikki? I don't know

how I live with this count. It's annoying. I was going to say the same thing, but with one less letter. Well. It's so good. Yeah, even if like, if I'm sleeping and this is happening, a finger. Yeah. It's, I go no. Yeah. That was.

That would make me sad. He will shoot the side of it. But here's the thing he does. He's like, okay, fine, I'll cuddle. But then his, so he's cuddling me like this. But if I were to look up at his expression, it's like this. It's not an enjoyable cuddle. I'm barely tolerating this.

And he wants you to know he's barely. Oh, yeah. And look how pretty your girlfriend, wife her. Look at this. First of all, we broke up two years ago. Well, I think you should get married. Yes. He shook him

Thanks, Nicky It's not that bad Yeah, yeah And that's why They invented the long pillow Right to cuddle No, as a barrier Ah

Remember I started doing that And you were so You were so offended by that It was Yeah, yeah But would you cuddle when you I can cuddle when I'm not sleeping Like if we're just laying

I'm fine with it But when it's time to sleep I can't be telling But I don't want to cuddle With someone who's fine with it I want to cuddle with someone Who wants to cuddle me Okay, let me rephrase it

I love to cuddle But it's not what I'm sleeping I would kill to cuddle, but just not when I'm sleeping. That's my husband. I think with Bobby, he's just kind of like a cat, because I know that if I would leave the house, he would be, where are you? What time are you coming home?

So I know he needs me close, just not too close. Right, right. And he needs to come to you for the affection. You can't just, you know, take liberties and grab. Yes. It's crazy, and I don't deal with this with Nikki, but I've dated people in the past, where the fury I would feel

if they would hold my hand and I don't want to be touched like not knowing for them not reading that I didn't want to be touched I would just get ready I want to bite their hands don't touch me

I didn't do it but I can feel it and that comes from weird childhood You guys are the same because he just recently like went out on a date and the stories he would tell me he was like Kalila

like when she would hold my hand like I wanted to like self-employed I wanted to light myself on foot like a fucking shivered on my spine Yeah, she would touch. And then I'm so cowardly, I would still do it. I've done the same thing.

I'm like, just do it. I'm like, oh, let me grab this. Anything. And it's a gun. Yeah. But anything, it's a weird thing when somebody doesn't read that you don't. And again, that's why our relationship works because we read each other. Like, you know, if I could never be in a long term with somebody like that.

But it's also depends on, like, if you're two weeks in, this happened in a city. This happened in the city. Is that good? Yeah. And, you know, I just met her, you know, let's probably second time, a third time meeting. And we're walking in the street and she just kind of just, without even asking, just went and did this one.

Oh, yeah, the real. The wrapped in. The wrapped in one? Yeah, that's like. Yeah. Normal. That's not normal. It's normal.

Three weeks in? Yes, to hold hands normal. Jim? You know, it depends on the vibe. Please, Jim. If someone has a ring on, she used to wear a ring. I always feel it. against my hand and I fucking I hated it.

I hated it because the ring would hurt my I have small hands the ring would hurt my hand yeah yeah look at my hands I have little hands can we see our size difference yeah I have big hands too look at our size difference oh it's the same it's the same ratio yeah yeah yeah exactly and her eight long fingers I do have and ladies let me see something let me see something it hurts it sure does where does that come from you think where does that come from that like just kind of like not wanting to be touched like at all I would say either an uncle or some other person who I don't remember.

He only likes to be touched in his nipples. Just the nipples? I like my nipples play with occasionally. Not as much as I used to it. I've gotten older. I liked it less. Well, that's because I tickle his nipples now. And I go,

D-D-D-Li-Li-Li-Lewin the sexual vibe. It's not fun. You don't like that? No. I feel as though, do men have the same amount of sensory stuff in their nipples as women? Because for me, it's really, you know, hot to me. But I don't know if men do, do you? What do you mean?

Your nipples is it like a miragin of zone. There's definitely senses there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, so when they pinch, I don't like. But, you know, one time. I like a tongue. Tong, I love tongue. Like, around the edges, around the borders, you know what I mean?

So you want someone to suck on your nipple. Yeah, but don't go to the, let's like the, you know, DMZ. Yeah. Yeah, don't cross the border. Absolutely. You can peek over it, but don't cross it. No, just like a little cat. Like a little flick.

Yeah, yeah. But on the, in North Korea, you mean? Kim Jong-un is sleeping. No. Around the border, that's fine. No. You like going all the way. What?

Going to the nipple and you bite the tips? Oh, no, I don't buy. Okay, good. I like to have my nipple just a little licked. Little licked. But you don't like my nipple that much. All right, well, you could have told me privately. Wait, wait.

What's wrong with her nipple? Nothing at all. Like, you just get into patterns, but like I just haven't. But I'll do it more if you want more, more nipple licking. A little more nipple licking. We're done, believe me. I'm going to lick them before their store. Blinking idiot.

It breaks a lot. I like to flicked. I like gently, just gently like brush when I'm jerking off sometimes like a little harp. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But gentle. It's so weird.

How old are you now, Jim? 55. I'm 52. And you know, when I was a younger man, I was like, once I'm 50, I'm not going to be thinking about sex that often. Yeah. That's Jim too.

And I think that's very common for man. But it hasn't stopped for me, has it? Really? Oh. I would say so. Well, I will say this, that when Jim was 50, he wanted to look for love and he calmed down a lot with the sexual. I think you have a real sex addiction. Yes, I think so.

Oh, no, I think you and I have definitely the same kind of sex addiction. Yeah. It's more porn for me now, though. It's only porn. Yeah, but back in the day in New York, because I remember people telling me this, like I would be in New York, and I would go to the porn stores and buy DVDs and stuff, like Blu-ray, right? And I think somebody said, oh, Jim does that or whatever, right? I would go to them and buy, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Would you buy toys too, right? Not really, no, I was never big on toys. Like, I had, like, one of those pocket fadges, like those little things that makes, like, a suction noise. Yeah, yeah. I've dealt with so many men who want me to put dildos up their ass. I fucking hate that.

I don't like that. I don't want to put dildos up anyone's ass. I don't like dildos. No, no dildos. No, no dildos are just, like, they look really threatening. They're a little bit too intense for me. It's just silly. You're just laying there, and someone's pumping a dildo into your ass.

Yeah, yeah. What are we doing? They should do it by race, like a Filipino style or, you know, like a Japanese one where it's like, you know. And especially the guys who have been with me who likes trans girls and want to have like a giant XL delto. I just, I'm not, I'm not interested in that. Is there a correlation there with men who specifically seek out trans girls

who do want to get pegged? Oh my God, majority of them. Well, I think it depends how you come off as a transnexual. I think for me, yeah, a lot of them want to be fucked. Yeah. That makes sense. They want to be fucked. It does make sense because I'm big and I think they read me ass.

I don't know, this big person and they want to get brutalized. Yeah. Not me. I don't get brutalized. I know, you know. My honey's very tender. Was that such a huge relief for you when you found out that he wasn't into getting railed? You know, honestly, because I'm not bothered with the washing and all that, you know.

Because I'm like, I don't know what my tube looks like. Because I don't have the eyes for it. use an animal. I've used an animal like when I was doing like for colonoscopy and it's unpleasant. Like I could never like... You went for one recently. Recently, yeah. You hose out your asshole and then all of a sudden you want to get have sex in there. It's just, it's just not.

Okay, okay. Yeah. Is your asshole find them? And did you, any... I mean, I will say, and I say this with not even no polyps whatsoever. Wow, congratulations. Not even a single polyp. Not even a single polyp. Internal hemorrhoids? No, he didn't indicate. He basically gave my asshole

a clean bill of health. Wow. I've had a colonoscopy, and even I had internal hemorrhoid, like one tiny one. Oh, yeah, no, he didn't need it. I should follow up. You never tried it once, though? No. I would like her to try it. Okay, there you go. I'd like to be in the room. I would like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe my body would have this awakening from my boy passed, and it was just, oh, the cock and the vagina and T-transition.

Oh. Next thing, she comes to go with a stymway's face. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow, wow, wow. Many possibilities in this world. Yeah, because. But, Lynn, can I just say something? And everyone in the room. I've tried penis.

Yeah. You know what I mean? I didn't like it at all. I didn't like three times. All right. With the same person? Different. How many years apart?

I was a kid. Oh, okay. So I was like 13, 14 years old. How old were they? Same age? Yeah, they're all my friends. And you never did it since? I never did it since.

But I tried it. So you never wanted to even try it even though you didn't want to do it? Yeah. You've tried it? No, I haven't. No. Okay. No.

Vagina. Oh, vagina? Yeah, vagina. Yeah, vagina? Yeah, no, I haven't tried vagina. Yeah, yeah. Never. Not even a, even if you don't want to do it, just see what it's going to do like.

If I would try it? Yeah, what would happen? I'm kind of trying to picture what kind of girl that would be, because I'm very facial. I mean, the face. The face matters a lot. And, you know, the body too. But if I'm not the person who will go, great body, put a bag on it. I can't do that.

It has to be a facial connection. Right. You think he's like Keanu Reeves. What the fuck is going on here? I'm trying to think of what kind of girl I would want to fuck. I don't know. Do you think your standards for women because you don't naturally like pussy are probably higher because it has to compensate for the fact that they have a pussy? Maybe and I've never had an attraction to a girl.

So I don't know what kind of girl would I fuck? And what kind of vagina would you like? Like the kind I like you wouldn't like. What are the kind of you guys? I'll share mine. Go ahead. I mean, it should. Meaty.

Yeah, it should literally look like a fucking. Like a penis. He wants it to look like a cock. No, no. Much as possible. He wants the lips to be so fat, they look like balls. Yeah, he gathers the lips and make it look like a cock.

It's plain up. Isn't it the same tissue, though? The labia is the same tissue as a test. It is, and I'll say that a lot while I'm going down on a woman. But no, I like it. I like it thicker. I've always liked that. The meaty.

I feel like that's actually more common then, like most of my male friends at least do, like, the meaty, the bat wings. And all these rappers are rapping about that fat pussy now, too. Yeah. I like flour. You do. What's a flower pussy? It's tucked in, and then when you lick it,

you know what I mean, like a Venus flytrap or something? It blooms. It blooms. Can I ask you a question about that? Yeah, go ahead. And you have one of these? A tucked flower. Yes. But no, not always. Not always. It has its seasons. Yeah, seasonal. Okay. It blooms sometimes.

But you know, like in the 70s and 80s, like Playboy and a lot of these, like, publications, they would actually, like, Photoshop the extra labia and the meat and all of that. Really? Maybe growing up, what you saw, your standard for what was attractive pussy was basically just what they were feeding you, but not normal female anatomy. And is that maybe what shaped your... No, because I can't eat open-faced sandwiches. Tuna mouths.

Yeah, I like when it's like to talk together and I want to... into it. If it's open with gravy on it, I don't like it. I, on the other hand, love a Rubin. He loves Ruben, yeah, yeah. I don't think it's conditioning. I feel like it is. It might be a little bit. I think it has to do with my dick. Okay, tell me, you feel like it's going to swallow you whole if it's meaty? A little bit. It's also like, you know, and I don't know why I'm getting so nervous right now.

Stop, don't look at me in the face. So as a kid, you know, there's that stereotype. Asians have small dicks. Can we all agree that that was a stereotype? I have heard that, yes. Well, I've watched porn a lot, and I've only seen one Chinese guy with a huge cock. So I don't know. We can get there, then. That's what you're saying.

Oh, yeah, yes. We can get there. Yes. Yeah. I assume Yao Ming. I assume Yao Ming has a bass of dick. The basketball player? Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. How the policy? What's that? Seven foot three? Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's got to have at least. Yeah, he doesn't have a micro. No, no.

His feet are like, you know, 19 or whatever. So here's what I'm going to say, okay? growing up I always thought oh maybe the stair I would because I would never see it back in the day we didn't have the internet right when you and I grew up so we had to imagine what other people's penises look like yeah so it's like

for me it's like maybe because I was conditioned to think that my penis was small that I needed a small vagina maybe yeah awesome one that one that's yeah oh wow one that would match your dick I understand that like a little tight badge because you have a smaller penis

Why am I not convinced that he's got a big deck? I don't know. Oh, wow, go back, go back, go back. Maybe you're right. Maybe you're right. Because there's no bulge. There's no print. Yeah, yeah.

I need a print. Very flat. And plus it doesn't have big dig. Look at his face. Oh, oh, wait. There it is. I see it. Yeah.

And I'll say if I was in those shorts. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, she'd bulge. Let's go. Look at his face. Even he looks dejected. He's looking down at the smaller guy. It's a lot bigger.

Wow. Maybe you're right. But of all the men, and I've dated like the whole rainbow, the whole variety, it's not been Asian guys who've been the smallest. Speak the truth. It's the thick chads. Really?

Because they probably take so much shit into their bodies. That's true. People with that bulky body usually got small decks. Bert Kreiser. It's like little dog decks. I heard Bird is a big dick. I know what you made. No, it does.

It's so interesting to me where I'm like, oh, like he's a thick, dude. Because you think they'll have a huge conk. Yeah. And they don't. How about the skinny tall guys? Those who ask John Holmes? Or even the skinny short guys. Skinny short guys with no pecks have the biggest dick.

It's the lanky guys. They have the hugest conch. Yeah. Do you think these guys have? No. No, no, no, no. No, no. No, no.

No, no. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

Wow. Maybe the black guy four. Yeah. Yeah, the darker guy. Yeah, maybe he has one. Yeah, they have small, small ding-dongs. But little lanky guys, I didn't realize with a little lanky guys.

I know tall, skinny guys. And you can see a guy with like long, giant fingers. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you can tell, yeah. He's a big skinny guy. And to talk about birds, I've literally seen his testicles and his penis. And it goes against your theory

because it's a magnificent piece. No, we're talking about it. Like a huge dong? It's magnificent, that's all I have to say. Wow. This is just slap on the... Yeah, yeah. I mean, it was beautiful.

Bird has a big dick vibe to him, though. I can imagine that. Fun guy, got great energy. He never talks about his dick. Just a sloppy, huge cock. Yeah. Do you guys see Drake's penis? No.

I did see that view. But I imagine it's not a pretty looking dick, but I have no idea, is it? Here, I mean, I can show you. Yeah, look, yeah, it's okay, but it's flopping, but then again, he might not have been hard, and I believe that he leaked the video. I prefer cut cock. Me too. Oh, my.

God, thank you. Prettiest cocks are uncut. Because it's like a little turtleneck. No. Let's address that. I would never be impressed by that. You know what? It's fine.

It's actually bigger than I thought. But if he was a client of mine, I wouldn't be shocked. Okay. But it's, but I know. I'm not a client of hers. Husband, husband. It's skinny. His cock?

Yes, it is thin, right? Very thin. So what I'm saying is that I think that I have the same width. But he's not fully hard, I don't think. Right. Still, it doesn't matter. You can tell it's a skinny peanut. But it's bigger than I thought.

But it is true. It is a skinny. It's like an udo noodle. Isn't he gripping the bottom a certain way too? Looks like he's holding it to give the illusion. That's interesting. You're a little trickster. Yeah, yeah, pushing the blood into it.

I've been with men of all colors. And I think for me, the Middle Eastern guys, and isn't he a little Middle Eastern? Yeah. Have the smallest decks. I don't know why. Really? Yeah, I find it that way.

Which makes them angry. Oh. Which makes them. Oh, right. I don't know what that was. I don't even know. I don't even know where I was going with that. That was a political statement.

Excuse me. That was a political statement. No, but it's been true. You know where I stand. I want to get back to uncut, um, hawks. I do think you're correct. I love them. And why do they circumcise people in America?

Because you guys have no reason to do it. In every other part of the world, I mean, except for like the Middle East, they don't circumcise anyone. In the Philippines. I think it's really like just a religious push, right? Because I grew up in the Philippines and very Catholic. Okay. And so it's like if you weren't circumcised as a boy, you would be humiliated.

So this is all religious. So why here in the States is it like that every American gets out of time? Because we want to schmeg. Yeah. But I have foreskin. I've never had smegma. That's what your opinion is. I haven't seen it.

No, I think you feel it. So I guess show him. Yeah. Hold on. Are you looking at my cock online? And you're like, hey, hold on. Did your shower? Nikki, yours is uncut.

Yes. And did she have schmage? Yes. She does not. I wouldn't have married her if her dick was awful. You know, I am cut. You wouldn't marry me if my cock wasn't perfect. That's a great point.

She said to me sometimes, would you, she's like, would you love me if my dick was like four inches smaller? And I'm like, I wouldn't have talked to you if it was a half inch smaller. I asked him, what if my cock was one? inch bigger. He said one more carrot. That ring, you wouldn't have been able to lift your hand, the ring would have been smoking. And I also find this interesting with uncut penises is that it's so much easier to jerk one off because you technically, because without the foreskin, you have to go, you have to

use lube. With the foreskin, you almost have this built-in pocket pussy. Yeah, right? Exactly. And I can tell from experience, I jack off, I know what it's like to jerk off. It's a nice sensation to feel your skin rubbing on your head. So you're fucking yourself. Yes. It's wonderful. It's amazing. And I feel bad for all the people

who don't get to actually experience that. I really do. Really? Yes. I would never circumcise my son. I wish I wasn't. Me neither. And I've told that to Jim, too,

if I ever get a son. Well, it would be a fucking miracle of modern science. But if you were, no circumcision. You wish you were. I'm not religious. I mean, for what? Yeah, no, I don't want to eat. Why, why?

Because I would feel, the sensation of having your, no foreskin would probably be, like, having forced you would be better. Like, I'm cut, so I wish I wasn't. And something happens when people get cut. Have you seen black guys when they get cut? Sometimes their dick will be half pink because of the cut and the snout. What do you look at it?

What do you point out? He has a Neopalitan ice cream kind of penis. He has a tricolor. Really? And he's been putting hydroquinone and like to try to bleach the dark parts. And I'm like, don't do that. But why did that happen? Little Snip is discoloration.

Yeah. So that, so the, the, the, dark ring. I have a dark brown very ugly ring along it. It's not ugly. Okay. But it's just like, it's like, you know. It's a vintage. It's a vintage. Thank you. Yeah, exactly. Don't bleach it. Yeah, and it's got a little

elven riding around it. It's like Laura the Rings. No, but hey, you put it in the fire, you can read a message. But my point is, no. So where the ring is, is probably where they cut, maybe. Maybe, or you may have had that anyway, and you just happen to notice it because of, uh, that's why I mentioned, I

on darker guys because then the skin really you can tell, like you can very much tell because I don't know what happens, but something happens, I don't know. Whoa. Okay, well, you know, I've never... But shouldn't we be born, I'm sorry, shouldn't we be born natural though? Like, why snip it? I mean, we're born in the way we are. It's weird mutilation.

Yeah, it is mutilation, but this really is mutilation in my eyes. I really sincerely think that. I have a friend who I think, he got circumcised. So he was an American kid that moved to the Philippines and because of the pressure of circumcision and being teased. in school. He opted to get circumcised when he was 13. They took a little bit too much off. So a full raging boner would hurt him. His skin would crack on this. Oh, it got too tight, right? Yeah, it got too tight. And I felt really bad for him. It was sex was uncomfortable for him.

I don't know if he's corrected it since, but I'm like, how do you, like, add more skin back? Yeah, how do you let a little out? Yeah. I know how. And I also feel like American women, maybe that's why because I feel like if we don't men don't circumcise the women don't the women want the man to be circumcised here in America I feel Yeah because we've also perpetuated this idea

Of the whole like schmeg smegma And like getting BV If a guy isn't like cleaning a smegma But I think that's really false Like I've gotten the weirdest shit From cut guys Who's Who's penis is bigger?

I mean Really? Bobby? I just want to ask I mean I paid for lawyers I flew her into the country I mean, her. Jim is a size queen.

Yeah, yeah. Really? No, my dick is fine, but hers is definitely bigger. I feel like you and I, I mean, you have a white version of mine, maybe. I mean, wait, wait. He feels insulted. He felt insulted. No, no, no, no. No, you did a look.

That's very insulting to me. I apologize. I'm going to say it again. I want to say it again. I want the reaction to be different. When I first met Jim, this was an Oslo, and we were on the elevator, and I was just remembering thinking that he must have an awful cock. terrible.

And then when you saw it... Better than when I thought. Thanks. She really knows how to turn me on. You know, it wasn't cancer. It's bigger than I thought. Yeah, yeah. So I assume that you and I have the same size penis, you think.

I hope so, man. God damn it. I've wanted that, but I was afraid to hope for it. But now that you've said it, it's in the universe. If mine is almost yours, I'm good. That's all I care about. So I'm sorry for insulting you. Oh, please.

But I also want to go back to, I don't know if you remember this, but in retrospect, what a great show. Was me, you, Joey Diaz, Vegas opening for dice. Do you remember that? I have pictures from there. Andrew was wearing like the weird, like American flag jacket. Yeah. It was like a benefit for 9-11, but it was like in 2002, right, for like victims or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I remember that. It was me, you, Joe. And what a lineup. Yeah, I took up with Dice for three. I mean, you know, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What was this? Is it like 10 years ago?

No, it was 23 years ago, 22 years ago. Oh, my God. Yeah, it was a long, long time ago. I wasn't even born almost. Yes, you are. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you were. And, um, aren't you, are you happy the way the internet

changed the game or no? I don't, I'm fine with it. I mean, I'm a little left behind, but I'm okay with it. Like, uh, it's helped so many people. And watch it what it does for, like, Dice. I love his videos. Those fucking videos,

oh, dude, waiting for the picture. People are like, what? It just drives people nuts. I love what Andrew's doing. So, yeah, I think the internet's great. I mean, I wish I was better at it, but I mean... You're great. What are you talking about, dude?

I mean, my Instagram is very mediocre. I love what we're doing, and I'm not just saying that to be a plug war, but I really do. I enjoy that we can just do something and put it up, because networks are going to ignore us, so I like that we can just do something and put it up for free. Well, I think I'm in this more of a same generation as you, and I don't know how to do any of it.

like in terms of posting Instagram like people go why don't you post more it's like I just never think to do it right it's like Jim too like I'm telling him you should post something more like this and but he doesn't get it I don't get it it's just not the way my mind works yeah but why don't what why don't you just try

I've tried like the material I like putting up is when I joke bombs like not like he's also an old man yeah kind of so my kind kind of yeah yeah yeah I mean 52 is pretty old yeah yeah yeah it sucks it does this suck Yeah. But you have everything in life. The house, the cars, the wife, foreign. I mean, you have everything. Why foreign? Why did you add like that with a big guess? I'm just saying like you have everything. My life is very good. I'm very happy, but I wish I was better at uploading. But I just don't care about it that much. Yeah. But Jim, I mean, I don't want to make you feel weird. But I'm telling you right now. And this, I don't think I'm like exaggerating in any kind of way, but you are like a legend.

Stop, stop, stop. Stop! Stop for a second. Oh, sorry. Am I too aggressive? No, I like it. What I'm saying is... That's the Bobby I like. And some people say that about me as well, right? And it feels uncomfortable. Yeah.

Right? Like, young Asian kids will go to me, like, I grew up... I'm doing this because of you. You know what I mean? I look up to you, what you did. And it's so hard to... Because I still feel like I haven't made it. Yeah. I have that complex, right?

So I... But then it's like... But when I think about you, and I think and I'm a hang out with these young guys, especially from New York and stuff, I just feel like we would be nowhere or they would be nowhere without you. You and Geraldo and Patrice, I think, are the guys,

you know what I mean? You know what I mean? That like, even for me, and I'm going to give you a compliment here, I don't know if you know this, but when I first did Opie and Anthony, my career was done. I mean, I couldn't get arrested.

And the reason why I would do Opie is because I needed to sell tickets at Carolines because they used to book me there, right? And I learned how to be a podcaster through you guys by doing that show. I really did. So it's like, for me, when I think about you, I think of you.

And Voss is in there too. Sure. I just think of you guys, not trailblazers, but guys that I really kind of look up to and go, it's like we obviously, you look at these young New York comics, and it's like you see Norton and all of them. Oh, thank you.

Yeah, yeah. Very nice. How does I feel? It's very difficult. I know it is. It's hard. It's so hard. I would much rather have heard, you know, Jim, and this joke you did was shitty.

I'd be like, I know. I can't fix it. I can't get to it. I can't work on it. But yeah, it's hard to take home. I appreciate it, though, from a friend and who I respect. Yeah, yeah. It's a lot.

Thank you. But you don't agree with that at all. I mean, it's always nice to hear. I know that, like, O&A, we're very good for letting comedians hang out. And I loved my fellow comics and always wanted guys to come in. So, like, I know that I was a part of that just because I loved being with comedians. And, like, we would come in.

and ONA allowed us just to kind of do what we wanted to do. And that kind of was a bit of a blueprint for what works now, which is great. I mean, I'm happy I was a part of that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I got lucky. I get to improv with all the funniest people in the world. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was an amazing thing.

And I felt like ONA also used people that not necessarily, okay, that's me. Look at me back in the house. Oh, yeah. Bobby. Every clip on YouTube of Bobby on Opin Anthony always starts with Bobby has panic attack. Yeah. Well, that first time. was one of the

most, because I didn't know how to do it then. Like, when I was on the show, I felt like I was drowning. Wow. I never knew if it was real or not. No, well, no. I, like, you're so funny, and I'm like, I never believed half of what you said.

Honestly, it was just, Bobby was just this entity that would kind of come in and say crazy shit. And I think, one time you left because we had a guy dressed like a bunny rabbit. Yeah. And I'm like, there's no way Bobby believes that. No, but I, I remember that. You could push paws now. I don't want to see it.

Yeah. You know what I mean? But I just remember being like, oh, these guys are bullying me in my mind. And then the next time I went on, it was much, oh, there I am. I'm gonna hear it.

I'll listen. Can you push pause, please? Yeah. I don't want to look at myself. Oh, we loved you though. You were so unique and funny. Oh, thank you. Every time was fucking hilarious.

This was in 2000s. Yeah. I got in trouble with things I've said. But anyway, let's move on. Yeah, I mean, look, we all got in trouble for jokes. I went a little crazy. But, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, a little nuts. If any consolation, we almost never believed you. I know, I know. So anyway, but, so let's go talk back to Jim. Anyway, so that's, I just wanted you to put that in your heart. Well, thank you. It means a lot. I mean, I, it's very hard.

Because I just don't, you should post more. May I, yeah, I just. Hire a guy. What's that? I have people around me that doing shit. I should, yeah, we have people that would do it. And I'm so, you know, territorial about material. Like, I don't want anybody to make the edits.

And I'm just, again, like, what I do with our thing is like, I love what we do. I have fun doing that. The clips, I just go like, no one's gonna watch it. Nobody wants to see this shit. So if a joke bombs, I love putting up jokes that bomb. But not ironically, like a joke

that just really doesn't worry. Like when a joke stinks, it's like, well, that's what you're getting. Yeah. That feels good. Huh. But you've never done stand-up. No.

I didn't even know. You're very funny. Thank you. I didn't even know what comedy was before I met Jim. I didn't understand that comedians when they talked, this was material.

I thought this was just a person on stage trying to be funny. She's so fucking literal The first time Nikki saw me live Was in Montreal And the guy, some guy goes Man, that blonde you were with Didn't laugh once I'm like, yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah I didn't get it at first But how did you, I mean, can I just go back To how you guys met then? Sure, yes So you're in New York, obviously, You're in Norway Norway

And how does the internet obviously is Yes I've done a lot of interviews Where I say like I love trans women I've talked about that for years. Anybody who was shocked, I mean, you haven't been listening since the late 90s.

Well, I saw an interview that he did, and I didn't know that he was a comedian. I just saw this man of something. We're talking about trans people, so I messaged him, and we started to talk on Facebook. And then it turned out that she was also online. I was like, well, I really enjoy your work. Yeah.

Oh, so you saw stuff. Oh, yeah. Of course. I did have camming. Yeah. Oh, you cam. Oh, yeah. Before Only Fans.

Yeah. Oh, before Only Fans. I quit right before OnlyFance became a thing. And you jerked off to it? I mean, I don't want to say I jerked off to it, but I will say my ceiling is a different color. When come dry, it's more yellow. Yeah, yeah.

I don't know why I know that. How do I know? There's like a yellow on you. Yeah, you know that too. Yeah, yeah. Are they just dead? I don't know. Anyway, let's move on for my butt.

Because I remember my mom had it, she got an ice chipper. Oh, my God. So I had this Duran Duran Posteran poster above my high school. Sure. And then below it were like as if the poster was crying yellow tears. Oh, my goodness. And so I remember one day I came on from school and my mom was chipping at it. She didn't know what it was.

She thought there was like the walls were like old or something. Oh, no. I go, yeah, it's a cement or whatever. The dry wall. Why would you shoot into a wall? I don't shoot into a wall. No, I would come. and just...

It would hit the wall. No, no. I would put it on my hands and just... Oh, weird choice. Yeah. I'm so lazy. Yeah. I'm not going to get up and get a sock.

But that makes you feel like, what have I been doing when you come home and your mother's doing Shawshank Redemption? Oh, no. And you're like, oh, no. And you're off too much. Yeah, yeah. I remember doing that.

But, yeah, I don't know why I know that. Yeah. And so then how did you... So you guys were talking on Facebook and then... And then when I was watching her, So we just started talking and faced. We faced time for eight months before we actually physically met.

Wow. We were friends. We became like legit friends. That's why our relationship works. We just got along. Yeah. And then, but let me say something. When you first met, what was that?

I booked gigs. Bill Burr had always been on me to go overseas. I booked gigs in Norway. I booked Amsterdam. I booked Belgium just to meet her. The only reason I went over there to do gigs I wanted to meet Nikki. Well, he booked his tour to be able to spend time.

That's so sweet. Yeah. And we met and I really liked her. And we got a long. long well. We talked well. Did you hook up the first night or no?

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I was limited, I had limited time in the city. Yeah. And then I flew her to Amsterdam to finish. Oh, really? Yeah, come, come.

We had such fun. We went out to eat and it was just great. I knew I really liked her a lot. Wow. So you're in love? Yeah, I mean, it was pretty fast, but I didn't, you know, again, it was ups and downs and it was,

this is back in 2017. Yeah. So we've known each other for a long, long time. Wow. So weird to be on these podcasts and talk about it because we kind of lived life secretly for like five years during this immigration process. Because if I was going to be public during that,

I don't want to have any fans of Jim interfering with my immigration process. And I also, the main reason too is if it didn't work, I didn't want to be talking about it on the air and going fuck the government. Like I didn't want to go down that rabbit. First of all, people would get bored. Nobody wants to hear about the ins and out of immigration.

It was also like, I never knew from the government if I would get a yes or no. So what? Are we going to be public? And then I need to only know and then we both kill ourselves? Like, no. Yeah, I didn't know what was going to happen. I was really scared that you wouldn't get in. I couldn't see anything beyond it. It would end badly.

Yeah. Wow. It would have ended badly. It would have been hard. I mean, if the immigration thing didn't work out, it would have been heartbreaking. I wouldn't even know what to do. It would be hard fucking. It would have been.

Yeah, I would have hated it. But whatever, it worked out and she's here and, like, life is good. Like, if you told me this was as good as it will ever get, like, this is the top. It's just, I was doing a few podcasts. But then gave me a little PTSD gym because I was relatively young at that time. And I never thought that they would tell me no as a Norwegian. Never. So I think I'm giving me a little PTSD.

I think it has. Wow. Five years is insane. It's insane. And I could go into Canada. No problem. They let me right in. I even went to school there because my other visa wouldn't hold for too long.

So I had to start school, college. I didn't want to go to fucking college. Can you imagine I went to college for this old comedian? Yeah. She did. She went for a year in Montreal. Again, all during the pandemic. I didn't talk to anyone in Canada.

I didn't have any friends. Of course, I didn't do that myself. But it was just weird. Being with someone who's Jim, it's very hard for me to meet people my age because I don't think they understand. Or it's weird also when you're just married. Yeah. You know, being a girl and being 26, meeting another 26-year-old,

they're going to treat me differently. Yeah. Right. It's 100%. Yeah. So I've just kind of lived life in solidarity with this man for a while. That's fucking amazing. Have you met her family?

Yes. Her family, they like me a lot. Great, great. Yeah, and my parents love her. Oh, that's great. I'd have the talk, you know, like in 2017, team we first met. I'm like, look, I met this person. Jim has done everything for me, like literally

everything. He's changed my life completely. Well, she's changed mine, too. I mean, it's being married. But Jim has really done, like, literally everything for me. It's crazy. And my, yeah, my family was cool with it. My parents were my mother's like, are you gay? Like, but you had to ask. I'm like, come on, ma. Like, I don't want to talk about dicks.

But I feel like you were the, one of the first people that I heard open. and proudly talk about, like, being attracted to trans girls. And I really liked it. Like, I really appreciated it. Just because, like, kind of, you know, like, no one else was outwardly saying it in a way that was, like, you know, not negative. You know what I mean? Yeah.

I don't know anyone else in the industry who's married a trans person. I don't. And if they did, they must have done it behind closed doors. I can't think of one. I mean, who? I don't know. Yeah. I don't think about it, really.

I mean, I understand that it is what it is, but I don't have any. it's just like to me fine and that's right and that's and that but that is how it is for us too it's like we're just a married couple like that's kind of the point of the whole YouTube channel is like we're just a married couple like and all these weird things people think about it

it's like no you fight about the same shit there's no difference it's life yeah I have a question for you Nikki are there trans girls that are genuinely attracted to women yes

because I have an attraction I'm attracted to trans girls, but I find that they're never attracted to me. Really? And it's usually, I mean, I mean, maybe I just haven't met any. No, I've seen a few. Yeah. I mean, I was going to say, Caitlin Jenner, she's with a trans person now, but she's also trans, right? Right.

But yeah, I think that's a thing, too. I've had a few girls written me wanting to be with me. Yeah. But that was just never my thing. Right. So, but that's probably a bit more rare. Yeah. But it does exist, though.

Sure. I've known a few trans girls who I know, like, women, but it's not very common. You like trans girls? I find them super attractive, yeah. But they don't find you attractive? Um, the ones that I've met, no, they're typically just really into men, like, are repulsed by pussy. Well, I think a lot of trans people who want a straight man, you know, that's very hot. You want straight men. Yeah, you're lucky you've got one. So, um, I recently dated a guy and he was an artist and, um, he was really into trans girls. And so at that time, I thought, oh, it could never happen. The threesome could never happen because they were,

attracted to him and not me because I had a pussy. Oh. Yeah. Oh, I knew, I knew, I should have called me. I know, I probably know a couple who was, who would have enjoyed that interaction. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's possible, yeah. Yeah. You know, I would be open to it.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. If I met the right person. Yeah. Do you have a favorite trans porn star? There's this girl, she's Filipino. Her name's Eva. Eva.

She used to be on DVD ASA with Dave Cho a lot. Oh. You look her up. Yeah, she's super, super pretty. It's not Eva Lynn, right? I don't think her last name is Lynn. Okay. Yeah.

Who I knew, yeah. Okay. Did she die? No, no, no, I'm sorry. I haven't seen her in here. You're right. As I said that, I'm like, you know, RIP. How you doing?

She lives in, yeah, she's fine. She's Brentwood. Yeah, no, no. Oh, it is. Evil Lynn. It is Eve Lynn? Yeah, yeah. She's in the opening of one of my specials.

In the way. Yeah, I used her and Ozzy Osbourne were actually in the opening of the short hair? Did she have short hair? don't remember. I shot somebody at the London with her for the opening of a special. Yeah, I love Evelyn.

She's sweet. I didn't know she was on a podcast. Yeah, she did a couple shows with Dave Cho back then like a decade ago. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's when I first saw her. I was like, oh my God, she's so pretty.

Yeah, she's beautiful. So what's the YouTube channel called? Just Nikki and Jim, NYC. Nikki and Jim. Yeah, I can't watch myself. I'm either. So cute. So cute.

Let me ask you something. I'm the same way. Why can't we see ourselves? because we're trained to see things like what's funny about this and what's funny about something is never positive or beautiful what's funny about something

is always negative or the ugliness or the falling apart of it and I just can't watch myself because I can only see what's wrong with it I think that's my take on it but if you're on a TV

have you acted well I mean some would call it I would call it blinking my way through a scene yeah I have the same blinking affliction. Oh my God, I can't stop.

People have called me blink 182. Oh, yeah, yeah. Once I get more and more anxious, then it's like, your synopsis are firing, right? I wonder what that is. It's a little Touretti. It's also just the brain, like a lot of times when you're thinking, your mind is just working.

I don't know. I think that you are, have a control need and you have to control the situation and that he's manic because when he sleeps, there's nothing. Maybe I am manic, yeah. When he wakes up, there's not that much. But once he starts to dane, a little coffee,

ah, yeah. Terrible impression on me by Yeah So to YouTube And then you're on tour now? I've been on a tour, yeah I'm finally going back out I've been off the road for a long time

We've been on little dates here and there Do you go on the road with him? Well, I'm going to go to the fun places I thought when I first went on tour with him That it would be fun and glamorous But it's not It's not I had the same thing happen

When I first dated Bobby I mean we would go to places Like where the comedy club Is right next to a mattress store and I'm like, what the fuck? Yeah. Am I here for? Punch line.

But he would specifically bring me to the shitty cities because he just had nothing else to do there. So he was like, at least I have company. And he wouldn't bring me to the better funners. Well, I mean, some of the cities are just so dismal. It's just that what do you do? I mean, it's so depressing. It's so terrible. Yeah.

So depressing. It is. And we'll go out and do stuff. But I mean, I like having her on the road. And she likes the material that I talk about us, which is like I couldn't have married a fragile person. I like that you talk about my deck. Yeah.

And I could never. never married a person that would have been upset by that. Because it wouldn't be fun for me to talk about. A lot of trans women, well, some of them would probably invalidate me being trans just because I'd like to keep my cock. There's so many different levels. Yeah. Nuances of these trans people.

Yeah. You see, these porn stars, they don't care. Wait, so, Nikki, you've never seen a vagina in the flesh. No, never. Wow. And is it something you've just, like, largely avoided? I think so, probably. I don't know.

I've never seen one. I've never been in that situation. And I strictly like men sexually, so I've never been in a sexual situation. with another woman. What about, like, family members? Like, I had a naky mom. I had a mom who just was, like, bush out every day walking around, changed in front of me, showered with me.

A little weird, I know. No, I'm saying, how do I get that to happen to my house? I've been living money on the table, mom. I grew up as an only child, but I never saw her vagina around the house. Never. I know you had a naky dad. Yeah, yeah, my dad, yeah, yeah. And when I saw his dick, I was like, I'm going to kill myself because.

Oh. Because I just passed down. But it's not passed down. No. No, I'm not... Jim, I'm going to tell you right now. Sure. Look at me in my little BDIs, dude.

Sure. It is not passed down. Understandable. Fuck you, man. It is much bigger. You dad's it. No. No, my life.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Nice. Yeah, yeah. Thank you. That's better. Good, good, good. Anywho, right? So, but you know what one looks like.

Yes. Okay. Are you just kind of like, oh, about it? Yeah, I mean, when it's me and I put myself in a situation, I would never want to touch it. So it's just me. I don't want to. It does scare me, yeah.

But Nikki? It's like a phobia. I've never seen a koala bearer. But I've seen them in the photos. That's good enough for me. That's true. That's like me with pussy, yeah. Same same, same.

I can see, who see, like, in Australia during the fire on a tree? That's a bad example. I never said to a girl, don't wash that koala bear, just throw it on my face. But don't koala. like harbor chlamydia? Do they really? I think so. Why would we need to know that fucking number?

Because you're a raw dog. You get raw dog koala. I wasn't saying it was it to fuck a koala. Like raw dog hug. Oh, I said, I see. Oh, you might get it from hugging it. I don't even know. But I know that they harbor some type of like...

Yeah, 20% of koalas. Wow. Yeah, chlamia. Good to know, though. Like, what's going to happen if I satomize a marsupio? I don't know. That is good information to know. You saw the mice is worse.

Yeah. I've seen a few. I don't have to be personal, but if you chose to get an operation, would that turn you off? Oh, my God. I mean, no, I would still love you. I would miss you. Would not go out. Yeah.

People would say to me, why do you have that tiny little coffin on your mantle? You don't want to know what's in there. That would be amazing. Right, so it would, yeah, it would ruin it. He would open it every night. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, because I love her as she is. Like, it's almost like, and then you say that,

and somebody will say, you don't really love Nikki, but that's simply not the truth. Like, if you're in a relationship and your wife has a pussy or if your husband has a dick, and if your husband goes, I want to get rid of it, well, yeah, you still love your husband, but it's not the same. Like, you wouldn't, something would be different.

So, yeah, I love Nikki as she is. Right, okay, that's great. Yeah, and if we talk to, I'm glad she didn't get surgeries, right? Well, I'm transgender, and, you know, these people, it's like a quote, like everyone is getting the surgery, the facial feminization surgery, the tits, the butt, the hips.

I'm so happy where I'm a point now where I never went down any surgical road, and I wish that more trans people would think that way too. You knew, Niki, when I met you in Montreal. But I looked different then. But I still thought you were hot. Well, thanks, Bob. I really did.

Thank you. She's hot. Yeah, you were very nice about it, which was... You were always very nice, yeah. Oh, you're welcome. So you're saying, like, even within the trans community, people, you get invalidated because... Yeah.

Buy some. Yeah. Well, usually the activists sometimes too. Yeah. And I've been to a trans convention in Canada once, and there's a lot of jealousy in the trans community. For me, it's the worst jealousy-consumed place to be. I don't want to be around all these other trans-c-crow.

I don't know. They're very good at putting each other down, I think. And if you don't agree with them on, for example, this little small political thing, then they will invalidate you and never include you in their group. That sounds about right, I think, for just about every. Yeah.

Anything like even being Filipino, like, there's a day, being Asian. It's a new punishing world, I guess. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I have views. I can't even say. Yeah. I mean, I'm so afraid. I mean, if I really talked about what I really feel, it's over.

Yeah. Who do you think would hate it? Would it be everyone or specific groups? I think some of Hollywood. Okay. A lot of liberals. Sure. And I'm just so scared of the mob.

that like I'm constantly editing and I hate it. I think the problem is too, it's not even that they're mad at you for having like your point of view. They're mad at the tiny little mistakes and slip-ups. And you'll get canceled over the tiniest thing taken out. But everyone is doing like podcast now. Everyone and isn't that the point to talk?

Like remember back in the old days when who's that with the old talk show? Carson, I don't know, these old guys who would talk about everything. Dick Havitt will literally talk about everything on TV. And now if you do that, literally get canceled. It's crazy. Watch Phil Donahue's interview. This is a weird one. 1995 with Khalid Muhammad.

He was the second in command of the nation of Islam under Lewis Farrakhan. And he's the one that went after Jews really hard. And he said some terrible things. And like Farrakhan went, all right, this guy's too much. And actually, when Farrakhan goes, all right, God, God, Jesus Christ. Wow. I mean, write that done because I want to watch it later. Khalid Muhammad.

And the thing was, this was on daytime. television. Yeah. And the language used between Phil Donahy, and there was a respectful interview, and yeah, when you get a chance. Wow, wow. And that guy had a bunch of Nation of Islam members there. Yeah. Phil was great. And this guy, Khalid Muhammad said what he wanted to say, but it was

an honest conversation you'd never see anymore because it would upset too many people, but they both got to talk. It was great to watch them, have that conversation. How do you feel about the sensitivity of America or the world right? It's a lie. I'm not offended, but it's a lie. I don't believe it. It's a whole thing is a lie, and people are doing it just to

pretend to be angry so they have a reason to execute someone. It's not based in I'm offended. It's based in you've made a mistake and now I can pounce and not be punished for pouncing. It's all a lie. It's a lie. It's a lot. It's 300 million people larping. I do not believe people truly like live their lives offended by something. But the problem, yeah, you know, you might want to do better.

Yeah, shut up, I can't. But the problem is now, you know, networks and the industry. They react to the mob, right? And that's where the fear lies. Yeah. But you're almost like, your podcast is so big and you guys are doing so well. You're lucky. Like, you're a machine and they can't stop what you're doing.

Like that's the beauty of being in this position. You know, working for a network, yeah, there's always, but there's always nothing. Do you guys think the industry is dying out, like for real? Like, imagine in 10 years, do you think there will be an industry? Because everyone's up and running on their own. Yeah. I've had friends that are like, act. and stuff. They're promoting a movie.

And they won't do any of my podcast, but they'll do like a late night show. Jimmy Fallon. And I want to tell them, I go, I think it would be better if you did mine. Yeah. I mean, I reach more people. A lot more people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but that's just still the optics of being part of that being still.

Yeah. And now my new theory is this, and I'm just, this is a new thing. I don't want to be a part of it. You know, I'm, if you don't, because I lived here, why for more than 25 years because I tried to get into the club yep you know what I mean

and I kept I'm at the door knocking I took the acting classes you know what I did the fucked up auditions you know I mean waiting in line and over when you do it for a long period of time and they don't let you in it's a sign for me to go you know what I don't want to go in

I'm not rejecting the business but I'm accepting their rejection of me It is what it is. It is what it is. It is what it is. And no hard feelings. No, look. No hard feelings.

I did the Tonight Show for years. I did 40 Leno's. And then there's a new one and I was told like, nah, you're not right for the show. All right. It is what it is. Like, whatever. I mean, I'm lucky I got to do what I did. I'm lucky I'm fucking married to someone.

Like, life is good. So all the things that don't happen, sure, I want to firebomb a few agents' offices. Of course. Who doesn't want to run in with an explosive device on their chest And go, how did you not green light this, you piece of shit? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it is what it is. Wow.

It's not person. Wow. Well, let me say something. It was a pleasure having you guys on. I love you, man. I'm so happy. And, I mean, I've had some difficult ones. And this was from the beginning, so fucking easy.

Please come back. Please come back. You've had difficult? You're so. No, but sometimes you're with a guest. And it's like, you know, after, you know, 20 minutes, I'm like, I don't know.

Oh, I've had that too. You have to drive it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I hate it. Well, people probably, though, because you're a force. Like, and I really mean that, like, people probably don't know not to let you drive it. Like, instead of, like, a lot of times people going back and forth,

they're like, Bobby is driving this, and they don't want to step in and attempt to drive it. You know what I mean? In a good way. Why are you laughing? You could be just talking. I was just telling you this before we were recording. We were saying the same thing as him.

No, no. You don't even understand what you even mean. So let's get down to the science of it. Can you say that again so we believe it? Yeah, so say it in a layman's term. Okay. Bobby's so good, no one wanted to do what Bobby did. Oh!

No, because you're a force and you're a very, very electric. I'm really being serious, like explosive person in a great, funny way. And you, sorry, you have reached even Norway audiences. I've seen your face all over Europe. Everybody knows you. Even when he would go back to the Philippines with me, tons of people. Wow. Tons of people there.

So whatever direction it's going in, a guest would assume that that's the direction you want it to go in or you want it to. So they probably aren't, like they don't know how to jump in. I want to dance. I understand. And you and I were dancing. We sure were. We were all dancing. We were, yeah.

Dicks were pressing together. We love to. Anyway, guys. honest truth open door policy anytime you're in town we'll have you guys on this was fabulous

that was so fun give them a run of applause thank you let's Instagram yeah yeah follow them yeah I'm Jim Norton

this is Miss Nikki Norton M S Nikki Norton and at Nikki and Jim NYC on YouTube I hope people are so cute thank you so much guys I love you guys thank you guys

in the land of macabololini Nagpombo la yo