TigerBelly - Jon Lovitz Knows Bobby’s Horrible in Bed

Episode Date: June 4, 2025

The one and only Jon Lovitz joins us. Jared Goldstein tries to seduce him. We talk tiny dick bits, bipolar alcoholics, Hollywood bombs, Katherine Hepburn, the SNL cast, scissoring, and Happy Gilmore 2. Start paying rent through Bilt and take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to www.joinbilt.com/belly. That’s www.joinbilt.com/belly. Make sure to use our URL so they know we sent you: www.joinbilt.com/belly  to sign up for Bilt today. That’s www.helixsleep.com/belly for 27% Off Sitewide. Exclusive for listeners of TigerBelly. Make sure you enter our show name after checkout so they know we sent you! 

You want to be doing that Doing that keyboard at my podcast Wait, you're thinking about doing it? I know, but you haven't done it yet? No. I'm doing it with Charlotte McKinney. Yeah, she's very pretty. Yeah.

Is she- Are we starting this? It's already started, yeah. started, yeah. You want to start over? What the fuck is your problem? Do you want to start over or what? Yeah, I didn't know. You started. No, but your energy already is fucked. You're a

dead man, Bobby Lee. I'm a dead man. I didn't know he started. You didn't say anything. Oh, that's, well, okay, I'll just song over. If you want to wear headphones, I guess so. Yeah. That doesn't mean you started. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. Apparently it does.

Yeah, can you talk more into the money? You're a professional. You're a prophet. I didn't know we started. It is fun to negotiate with this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very cool. I looked at you and I thought like falling asleep.

Take the ghost away? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Was that an Asian reference, the falling asleep thing? No. Yeah, yeah. How can you tell when Joe Coy is sleepy? How? You can't.

Exactly, dude. So I want to say to you, John, what? Hi. Hello, Bob. Hi. So, John, over the years, you've been so kind to me. Yeah, right?

You have. You've been so nice to me. At the last 20 years, you've been so nice to me. And I couldn't believe that you hadn't done my podcast yet. So I got your number through Spade. And now here you are. I didn't know you had one. You know, there's very, then I...

Really? No, and then I... No, the only thing I saw was, uh, which is famous, you with, uh, Brian. Callan? Callan, yeah. About what? About that guy, um, molesting you when you were eight. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, and I was thinking about that. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, what had, did he, did you go to his house? No, it was like a shack. Yeah, okay. So you went to the shack So the question is after the first time it happened Why did you keep going back to the shack?

Because of the candy. My parents didn't give me candy. You like candy? Some candy is irresistible. It's like blood diamonds. I'm not you. I'm not falling for that one. What do you mean?

You think I'm going to offer you candy and then molest you? You just did. No, no, no. I would never molest you, John. Bullish Great What? Good.

Good, right? Let's get that out there. Did you hear about the I feel better. The Jewish pedophile? No. Little girl want to buy some candy? No.

Go ahead. That's the joke. Oh, that is a funny joke. Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye. Little girl, you want to buy some candy? Yeah. Bobby, want to introduce the room? Everyone here?

Jared Goldstein. He's a comic. I am. Um, he's half Asian. I am. Yeah, he's very funny. Like from the waist up? Okay, I'm going to molest you.

Get ready. Yeah. We've got some guy from the... He's half Asian. Oh, I'm sorry. I thought he was a person. Whoa. Oh, my God.

I'm not molesting you. Thank you so much. I really appreciate that. I just see people. But you, you know what you see? I'm Asian. Those little... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, letterbox.

I see everything in the letterbox. Practically flying. Yeah. Yours, IMAX. Mine's letterbox. You know, what's funny is when you're, you know, a kid, like you were a, you know, you don't know. I used to think that. You don't know what?

Well, you don't know anything. I know. There was a kid in my, in seventh grade, and he was like, I go, why are you so tan, you know? And it wasn't a black. black kid, but he was dark, really dark as a black. I go, I didn't understand. I was 12. I didn't understand.

And he goes, well, my mother left me in the son when I was a baby. Wow. But now that I think back on it, he was probably, you know, from India. His parents, I didn't know. Or I thought Asian people, I thought they looked out and they'd see the inside of their eyelids, like, and they couldn't see. Because their eyes were half down. Yeah, yeah.

But that's when you're a kid. As a kid. I know. I know. I know. Now, you know what I mean? No, but do you know what I mean? I know a guy, he was actually, the actress Elizabeth Berkeley, her brother, told me, anyway, she's Jewish, you know.

Yeah. Anyway, he went to college as a Jewish-ish. But anyway, he went to Northwestern University. So he gets there and his roommate, he goes, I've never seen a Jewish guy before he goes, oh. And he goes, where you're horn? He goes, what? Yeah, where are your horns? And he wasn't kidding.

Wow. The ignorance. Did you cry? Did I cry? Yeah. No, it's so stupid that people, but people, there's just all these myths about people. I know. Like the little dick thing with the Asians.

Okay. You have only yourself to blame for that one. I saw you on stage in my comedy club. And you were hilarious, but you were doing jokes about that yourself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Perpetuate them. And it was, I was crying, laughing. I know.

I know. Beem, me, me, me, me. Remember? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was, oh, my God. Yeah, thank you so much. Yeah, yeah, yeah, very nice. There's not a lot of comedians that are, like, actually funny.

Yeah. Do you really believe that? Yeah. Okay. They say funny things, but are they funny people? Intrinsically funny people. Yeah, there's not a lot. Like, you know, stuff like that.

Yeah. Yeah, goofy style. You know? Yeah, right. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a comedian. Like, Jaime right here is a Mexican comic.

Not that you're not. Okay. I've tried to... Not that you guys aren't. I'm just saying that you're really... I've always been... I'm a big fan because you're genuinely funny. Oh, thank you so much.

Funny. Okay. You're just funny. You're funny, too. I know. This is Jaime. He's from Texas. He's almost in Mexico.

He's also Mexican, you know, in terms of his heritage. Mexican Jew. Yeah. Hi, me. Are you Jewish? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Jared's Jewish as well. Goldstein is his last name.

Are you? Yeah. Also, I loved your episode of Friends. Two against, three against one. How do you feel? Yeah. Give him the compliment again? I loved your episode of Friends.

Oh, I'm sorry. Thank you. And I loved your own little Nicky. Oh, thank you. Well, thanks, fellas. Yeah. I mean, what a career you've had. Yeah, you know, I'm just trying to keep it going.

But why? Why? Because it's fun. I know, but what I'm saying. Plus, you get in that mode of like, oh, if I do this, then I'll get this. And instead of, and you go, can I just enjoy what I'm doing? Yes. But you've already gotten it all. But it never feels like it.

I know, but you have. You won the lottery already. Not in my mind. I know. And that's the thing I struggle with. That's like, what's my next thing? You know what I mean? I got to get this.

Well, I mean, it helps to go like, yeah, you've succeeded, but that doesn't mean then you want to quit. Yeah. It's not like an athlete. They would keep playing if they, but their body breaks down. Otherwise, they wouldn't quit. Yeah. It's fun, you know.

Yeah, yeah, that's fun. Are you doing a lot of stand-up on the road? Yes, I am. I started doing it. This is better. Huh? I started doing it when I was talking to Mike. I don't know.

21 years ago. Yes, you have. At the last time. I remember. Yeah, I'm going back east for a week and doing shows in theater. And I'm going to be starting to do some shows with Andrew Dice Clay. Wow, that would be fun. It was his idea.

Yeah. How do you feel about Andrew? Do you like him? I like him very much. He's very, you know, he says it probably, but on state, you know, he's from Brooklyn and everything, but the dice is, you know him. Yeah. It's a character.

he's he's ironically people got mad at him for it and he's like but i'm making fun of people like that yes yes yes and he's yeah he's a very nice guy as Andrew as a person is the nicest guy very nice yeah yeah yeah and he's he loves to talk and the more yeah yeah he's funny yeah if you go on his instagram and mine we've been doing some stuff together and it no i said that's funny well said that's what got me going about you doing this is because I saw clips with you and Andrew. It was very combative as well. I like the combativeness.

So I thought to myself, I'm going to get John on, but you're not really that combative with me because there's a different kind of relationship here. It can be if you'd like. No, I don't. No, I don't. I like the nice, John.

You know? You've always been nice and warm and tender. When you fucked, is it soft? Okay, good. You know, I'm kind of glad you said that. Because I wanted to get back to the candy. Yeah. First of all, that was one of the funniest things ever.

Okay. But I thought about it. And I go, why would you keep going back? You could have said, no, I'm not going to the shack. And then the kid was, how old was he? I don't remember. Maybe in his 30s? In his 30?

Yeah. So you like older men? Is that the point? No. Am I missing the point? No. Here's what happened. And you keep going back.

I know, but I know, but John, all right. At no point did you go, ow! Ow! I know, John. Ow! What I'm going to say to you is, the coming back thing was the joke part of it. The come on the back?

No, no, not the coming back. I never said come on the back. You just said the coming. No, I know, going back to him seeing him, I saw him one time and it happened. But in the podcast, I made it seem like I went every day for a summer. for the joke. Oh, so you were joking.

Yes. Oh, so we did. Every day after school, I was like, I'm going to go to. Oh, because it seemed like you were serious. No, yeah, yeah. And it was one of the funniest. Yeah.

It's still one of the funniest things ever. Yeah, Steve Harvey liked it, you know, when I ran into him. He likes that. Well, when you go, I was brutally molested. Yeah, yeah. Adding. Adding permission. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Don't laugh. And then, of course, you bring everything you can. Yeah, sure. It's the magic of, um, Podcasting, I guess. So it happened once. Yeah, one time. Were you ever molested, John?

No. Okay. Why? I don't know. I was cute enough. I'm molestered. That's the part. No.

John, are you seeing it? I like girls. I just don't understand, like, you know, the 16, 17-year-old guys in college, and they have some. hot teacher and he's at they're having sex yeah and they arrest the teacher right you know that that guy is high five I know I'd be loving he goes it was the best time of my are you damage he goes what damn it what are you kidding me yeah I I was it was it was the best time of my life yeah did she take advantage of you no yeah no I wanted yeah I guarantee I gave her an apple

none of them they're all like Like, oh. Yeah. I, John, are you seeing any of you? I mean, I get that it's wrong for the adult. Am I seeing anyone? No. Why?

Why? Because I've seen you with, you know, beautiful women in the past. Yes. Yes. Are you taking a break from? I take a little break. Yeah, there was just never working out. It was just too.

Selfish? It was just too upsetting. What was upsetting about it? That it wasn't working out. Oh, I see. What do you think the problem is, John? You think it's hurt? Yeah.

Yeah, right. Yeah, right. Okay, the last one. Let's see. What was the problem? I'm messy. She's a bipolar alcoholic. No, I think it was me.

Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe you choose different. I try. What do you mean? Go to church. No, I...

Go to church. Yeah. Oh, really? And what church... What... You mean, what religion are you talking about? Catholic? No, Christian.

Christian. Yeah. My friend. You're talking about Jesus Christ. Yeah. Yeah? Yeah? Okay.

Okay. Okay. I know you people killed them, but... Okay. First of all, do you want to be like Jesus? Well, then, maybe you should go to temple because he was Jewish. Yes. And when he was 13, he had a bar mitzvah.

They go, we don't know what happened to him after he was 12. Well, okay, let me explain something to you. If he was, if he was a rabbi, which he was, which means teacher. Yeah. Yeah. The only way you can be a rabbi is you have to have a bar mitzvah. So they cut that part out. So when he was 13, and that's when you have a bar mitzvah.

Yeah. So if you really want to be like him, you should be Jewish. No, I'm just saying. You're in a theological discussion. I don't want to get into a theological question. What I'm saying is asking you. You're the one who's saying. Because there's a lot of single women in church.

He always like this. He brings something up and then goes, well, I wasn't talking about that. That is true. What I'm saying to you, John, is it. that there's a lot of single women at church and they're good girls, right? And maybe you could like, maybe lie and go, I'm not curious.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Like the wedding crashes, be like a church crash. Yeah, church crashes. That's a movie, let's do it. You got the money from this podcast. Yeah, yeah. Get the financing. Let's talk about what you're looking for in a woman.

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Make sure you enter our show name after checkout so they know. we sent you once again, that's 27% off-sitewide exclusive for listeners of Tiger Valley. Helixleat.com slash bell. Okay, you need to sleep on your ass. Yeah. Let's talk about what you're looking for in a woman. Can we do that? Sure.

Okay, so she needs to be... Well, it doesn't exist. Not in my life. Not in a lay. sane. Okay. They forget that. Yeah.

Nice, funny, and sexy. Okay. I'm sitting right here. Oh, Lord. He is all those things. He just happens to have a penis. Who cares? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Minish-meanus. Yeah. Are you, like, are you planning on, like, are you going to be a lady boy? For you. Yeah, yeah. Would you ever be a lady boy? just for Halloween or whatever? I'd go to Thailand.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's wrong? Are you uncomfortable? No. Yeah, yeah. He's just joking. He's a comic. You know what I mean?

Yeah. He's not really hitting on you, John. Yeah. Yeah, and that's the ticket. That's the ticket. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you're looking for nice, funny, not sane, and hot.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Huh. I think they're in the south, like Nashville. That's right. Oh, yeah. Florida. I think they're in Ohio.

Ohio. In Midwest? Not in Los Angeles. Because all the women here come here to get famous. Right. Hors. Yeah, whores. Well, do you want to hear a funny story?

We love stories. So I've been playing tennis since I'm eight. So I was lensing a pick called my stepmother's naley with Dan Aykroyd and Kim Basinger, and I was on Saturday Night Live at the time. I didn't have my place in Los Angeles. So I was thinking of the Beverly Hills Hotel. Great producer, Jerry Weintraub, legendary producer. Well, anyway, I wanted to play tennis.

So the teacher there was Wimbledon champion, Alex Olmeadow. Wow. Marvelous man from Peru. And we became very close friend, like a father figure. Anyway, so I was there for like 12 weeks doing this movie. And so we became very close. So Alex would tell me stories about, at the, Beverly has Otelick.

He used to play tennis with Catherine Hepburn and all the movie stars. So he told me a story where he said this 19-year-old girl came by the tennis court and he just finished his lesson with Catherine Hepburn and she came by to, I guess, book a lesson. And he goes, she was very pretty in a dress in 19 and about 19 years old. And I guess Catherine Hepburn said, what do you do?

She says, I want to be an actress. Do you have any advice? And he said, Catherine Hepburn, like, yelled at her. He goes, yeah, don't be a whore. Learn how to act. Wow, wow. You're the girl. And now you're the girl. And now you're the girl. You're the girl. Wow. Wow. That's an interesting story. Well, you know, most of the people they say they want to act. I realized, I grew up here in the valley here, you know. Yeah, I know you did. You're a groundlings guy too. Yes. Yes. And, uh,

Alrose? Yes. Yes. I've done kind of everything. And, um, yeah, Lynn Stewart, who is Miss Yvonne and Pee Wee Herman, I don't know if you remember the prettiest lady in Puppetland. She sadly passed away. Oh, no.

Oh, no. Go ahead. Anyway. You would have loved her. But anyway. Okay. What the hell? Anyway, I realized quickly that most of the people that say that.

come here to want to act, or be a comedian, whatever. They don't want to do the work. They just want to, I don't know what. Be famous. Yeah, or hang out at Starbucks. I don't know if I want to be famous. You know, I could be. Yeah.

Oh, really? So it's, oh, it's up to you. You're just choosing to be in Starbucks instead of on the set making $20 million. You have that power. That's pretty amazing. So, so, you go, what are you doing for your career? You know, are you an acting class? No, man.

this town's film. You either have it or you don't. Are you doing any plays? No, it's film. You know, theater, no. I go, so what are you doing for your career? I'm doing it, and I'm hanging in Starbucks and drinking my latte.

Yeah. Well, good luck to you, you. Loser. Sillusional fuck. Fucking cock. They don't do the work, you know. I know. Your competition is 10% of the people that come here.

But those 10% as you see, work their ass off. Well, you have to, it's a competition. Well, you have to keep getting better. Right. And that's also why I keep doing it. I enjoy getting better. Yes.

And I'm doing stuff now. I didn't know anything when I started. I didn't know how, I just knew I wanted to be an actor, and I did plays in high school. Yeah. Here, I went to Harvard High School, and they had an all-girl school, Argyll. And I did a play in 11th grade, the man who came to dinner, and I had three parts, and I came out on stage. And I was like the third lead. It's like, everyone's plotting.

Then I came out, and the crescent. and the applause was crazy. So I get to college and my teacher goes, acting class, right? I'm all excited. He goes, all right, I want to go around the room and ask everybody why they want to be an actor. So then they go, well, you know, for the art.

Let's do that now. You go for, we're all actors and we'll come to you. I'll tell you what I see. All right. I was 18. You be the teacher, Gilbert. Okay. Yeah, go to Jared.

Oh, that's my junior year. Oh, whoa. Wow. You look like Jared. You look like Jerry. You look like Jerry. guy. What the fuck? George's your son. Oh my God.

That's Jared Goldstein. Yeah. 1974. Wow. All right. So Ask Gilbert. Everyone had long hair. All right. Be an act like an actor studio kind of actor. All right. Jared. What do you want to be? I just want to go to Starbucks and get a

latte and be famous. Oh, okay. Bobby? I want to what was the question? Why do I want to become an actor? Why do you want to be an actor? I want it because of the craft. Oh, wow. What do we want to be? Yeah, I like to sink into characters and know the motivation.

And also, I like conflict. I mean, I also like levity. And I like expressing myself through my own trauma through the work of acting. That's an artist, right. Thank you so much. Mexican? Yes, I have a name. Yeah, what's your name?

My name? My name is Danny Crane. Ah, me am Gailvet. Why do you want to be an actor? Oh, my dad's Danny Crane. Okay. Uh, Mr. John, John Lovitz. Yes.

Why do you want to be an actor? For the applause. Yeah, yeah. Honest. That's honest. No, my, and I teach you, I appreciate your honesty, but you have to have another reason. Yeah. And I said, why?

It's great. It's the best feeling in the world. It really is. Oh, it is. You're getting, yeah, because I used to feel invisible when I walked into a room before. I would walk into a bar When I was 21 I wasn't doing anything

And I just felt like no one saw me They didn't First of all Oh because I'm little Secondly it's dark Yeah And third your eyes were probably closed All right

You went in sleeping Yeah yeah No one sees me It doesn't work like that Yeah so then when I started doing comedy I felt like I was being Seen for once No well I know what you're saying

you're saying, I count. I count. Yeah. Right? I belong on this earth. I think that's what everyone wants, right, Jared? Yeah, I'm gonna cry. Yeah, yeah.

When I got in the groundlings, the first class, I drove, I was finally 25, and I'm gonna go to, after 10 years of acting classes in college, a drama major and everything, used to year when I drive from Kanooga Park. Yeah. I'd been in New York for a year, wasn't getting anywhere. So I drove. I get on the freeway in the, yeah, like Kanooga. Park on the 101 adventure and I'm crying. I'm scared to that because I'm committing to be a comedian.

Anyway, I get there and even though I go up at the Valley, Hollywood West High is another world. So I get there on stage, I go do an improv, make sure, well, that was funny, but you could do it like this, you could like this. And I was always the class clown. And the thing shut up, yeah, Phil's there. It's just saying shut up, they're like, well, you could be funny this way, you could be funny, you can goof off this.

Tell me different ways to goof off. I go, I go, I'm in heaven. This is it. That's it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Phil was there. Phil was there. Is Michael Hitchcock after you, right?

You know Michael Hitchcock? No. He was in Best in show, waiting for government. Anyway. Was Kathy Griffin there? That was before. Yeah, Kathy was there. She was in my classes.

We were in the company together. Oh, you guys were? Who else were there? Pat Marita was before you, right? I think he did some stuff. You mean? Pat Marita? Your dad?

You're dad? Did you know, Pat? No, I wish I did. I never met him. Yeah. Okay. Anyway. He was great. Yeah, he was great.

So you're in the groundlings. Who else was in the class with you? Lisa Kudra. No. Lisa went after me. I grew up with her family. Her brother, David, is my best friend growing up. Oh, I see.

So I've known Lisa's and she's five. Wow. But when I got on Saturday Night Live, she called me, I want to get into acting. So I told her to go to the groundlings, and that was the best place to go. Wow. So you got her to the ground.

But she did it on, no, no, she did it herself. It took her about, um, she started, and then 10 years later,

she got friends. Wow. So it took her 10 years of really hard work and hanging in there. She did it herself, you know, but I, I said, I said,

I said, I said, she go to the groundlings and she went, and then they said, they go, what have you done? She was nothing. So they go, well, go, go with this other teacher,

Cynthia Zaghetti, who was great. and then come back. Yeah. So she did that and everything. Wow. She would call me maybe about two or three times for advice. I'd say, I think you should do this.

She was, oh, well, I was thinking maybe I would do something out. Like, she had another suggestion. And she was always right. I go, that's better. Do that. You're right. Yeah. So did you get hired with Phil Hartman or no?

On SLO. I know. Who got it first? Me. You. Me. Me. Me.

Oh. Me. Me. Me. Me. Great. And your class of S&L, let me guess. Yeah.

Me. Can I do my impression of S&L? Yeah, go ahead. What is that? That's the saxophone. Oh, wow. Oh, that's it. Oh, that's Lenny.

He's been there from the beginning. Yeah. So who was your class? I was there when I was a kid. I want to say that. He was on an S&L sketch. I was 14. I was in a sketch. I was a child actor. Really?

Tina Faye wrote it. And then on Howard Stern, she said it was her favorite she ever wrote. Wow. Yeah. That's great. Yeah. No lines. That's big. I had lines. How many lines? I had one line. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Don Pardo was my voice. I was like lip-sinking to Don Pardo. The joke is we had come back from hiatus. It's a Barney sketch. And all the kids were going through puberty. Rachel Dratch has big boobs now. She can't do the dances because her boobs are bouncing. Right.

Jimmy Fallon's the director. He's trying to cover her up. I play Jow Ping. The joke is my voice. John doesn't give me shit. No, I'm listening. No, you're not. You don't give me shit.

What was his thing? Let me have this. I was on SNL. That's great. Yeah, not just you. Other people. No, I'm sure, yes, everyone talks about that. Yeah.

Who was your class when you first got, I forget? On Saturday Live? Well, my first year, it was very different than the next four. It was me, Robert Downey Jr., Anthony Michael Hall, Randy Quaid, Terry Sweeney, Damon Wayne's, and Whitney Brown were feature players. And the woman with Nora Dunn and DeNitra Vance and Joan Cusack. Wow. And then next year, completely changed.

Dennis Miller did update, yeah. Then next year they kept Dennis and Nora and I. Yeah. And then they go, who do you work well with? Okay, here we go. We got... Yeah, I'd lost a lot of weight. I've gained it back. Where are you there? Oh, to the right? Oh, my God. I'm the Iranian fellow on the far right.

Yeah. Yeah. Wow, look at that cast. I don't remember that cast. But the season after is when it... Well, how old are you now? How old were you in 85? In 85, I was probably 12 or years old. Living in Korea? No. What? You said you were Korean. I never lived.

I'm born in San Diego, dude. Oh, you never lived there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And yet there you are is Il-Con, I mean. Il-Con who? I mean. Who, what's his name? What's his name?

I don't know. No, just try to get, throw out the Il-Con what? Il-com Jong or? Yeah, yeah, Il-Kong, yeah. But I know that you are him. I'm not him. Oh, please. Yeah, yeah.

So here's the neck. Oh, this is where now. Here we go. So this was the next season. Neeland. Wow. Yeah, Neeland. Dana.

Right. Phil. Dana, Jan Hooks, yeah. Nora, me, Whitney Brown, Phil, Kevin Neeland, Victoria Jackson. Do you still talk to Victoria?

Yeah. Yeah. How is she? She's great. Okay, good. And then... Jan sadly passed away. Morrible.

Yeah. But the difference between the first cast and this one, it wasn't about talent. It was just everybody in this photo, their whole background was comedy. Right. And everyone knew somebody before.

So, like, I knew Phil from the ground. I like Phil. So they go, who do you work well with? Phil is one of four people I suggested. So they brought Phil on. And then Jan I worked with the year before I got the show on some show, but I met her. Yeah.

And then Dennis and Dana and Whitney were all stand-ups in San Francisco. Wow. And then Dana got the show and then recommended Kevin Neeland for the show. and I don't know how Victoria the white I've ever seen so white

no minorities back then or no well we were actors we didn't need them wow you could act yeah yeah yeah I mean back then

that was your talent you know right you know what I think you're right but no but truthfully if you asked me now

you go I didn't really I didn't really occur to me but then but then I thought you know yeah you should have

people from different backgrounds, but they should have the ability to act and play different people. Yes. And be good. I mean, you know, if you go, if you said, well, if there was an African-American actor, a guy that was great and funny or a guy that was, you know, white, anglos, ex-and-prime, but not funny, who do you want in the show? I go, the funny guy.

Yes, the funny guy. It should always be. That guy, that's what Jerry Seinfeld was saying when they go on his comedy with cards. He goes, I don't care about race. I care if they're funny. Yeah. Which is not race. But my argument with that is that some of the people that he had on there aren't actually that funny.

But he thought they were. There were funnier minorities and ethnic people that he could have got. And replacement of some of the non-futney people that he had. No, but you're missing the point. There were people that he knew. Yeah. He wanted people that he knew. Yeah, he knew.

It's his show. Just like this is your podcast. I have people here, I don't know. Do you have people on you don't want on? Yes. Why? Just because they do good numbers. So you're a whore.

I'm a full-blown Asian whore. Like $2.000 sake-saki. That's what I am. $2.00 sake-saki, dude. Yeah. Now when I'm thinking maybe you are the one molesting the guy. Yeah. Jared, do you really say something?

Yeah, I have a question. Like, so it's S&L and you're doing topical sketches. Like, if there was like a famous black guy, like, what did you guys do? Who played? Did you, did that come up? Or there's an Asian one? the news, you want to do a sketch about that Asian woman in the news, and then you go, uh, rock, paper, scissors, who's going to be playing the Asian woman?

Well, I'm just out of me. No, it, like, well, like, I don't, I don't, we didn't do a lot of that. Billy Crystal worked with Sammy Davis Jr. He was on the year before, and he did a thing where he imitated Sammy Davis Jr. Yeah. Now, I didn't think it was racist. It's not. He had, I go, well, he was dark, like him.

I go, what's that? I go, it's makeup. Yes. Yes. But suddenly makeup is racist. Yeah, exactly. I understand. When the Wayne brothers did white girls,

I didn't think it was racist. I thought it was hilarious. Exactly. And I kind of tired it. When Mickey Rooney did that Chinese dude in that one movie? I loved it. I drew the line there.

Bravo, bravo, bravo. I only think it's crazy. Go to the Mickey Rooney one. Yeah, go to the Mickey Rooney. Pull it up. Right, yeah, yeah. Because this one I was like, Bravo, bravo.

Well, but if that's the problem. If you apply standards of today, to 50 years ago or 100 years ago. Yeah. You know, yeah, things change and... Yeah. I said... Okay, so this.

Which Mad TV sketch was that? Okay, I'm not even trying to be funny. Okay. So that's Mickey Rooney on the right and you on the left? That's both Mickey Rooney. What? Yeah, that's both Mickey Rooney. Oh.

Now, Jared, as a half Asian, how does that make you feel? So good. Well, he's kind of like you. He's white and he. Yeah, I totally. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, I watched that movie for the first time, like, 10 years ago. Yeah.

And I didn't know anything about it. And then he shows up on screen. Yeah. And I was like, what the fuck is this? Yeah. People don't really talk about this. I know. I know.

Asian people know about it. He was doing a caricature. Of an Asian person. Yeah. Yeah. Like the teeth. Probably. Yeah.

Right. The teeth is extreme. Right. But if he said it now, he goes, yeah, well, now I get it. He goes, back then it was, you know, you didn't think of it. I have a directory. They used to have a big, it was like a phone book, right, a casting directory of every actor, right? Anyone could be in it.

It was like two phone books, men and then one was just women. I have one from like 1924. Wow. And if you saw it, he goes, categories of people. Yeah. And it's all like, you're talking about racist. Jewish types, Asian types, Indian types, this type. That's how people thought.

Yes. And the real thing was, what really happened was, in like the early, if you want to know why it was like this and why it's changing. The early 1900s, a lot of Jewish European immigrants came from, like my grandparents, from Hungary and Romania, Russia. they all fled fleeing death. So they came to New York. So the white Anglo-Saxon Protestants ran, basically ran New York. And they go, the Jews aren't allowed in banking

and this, they can't be in anything. But they had a, you know what a Nickelodeon is? Yeah. This is the first I'm hearing of any of this. Yeah, yeah. Okay, well, you know your history, my fellows. So the Nickelodeon. Nickelodeon is, you know,

on a, on a, on a, when you're a kid, like on a side of a book, you do little pictures. I did that. And then you'd flip it and it would move. Yes. You go like, right. So you fan the book.

Right. So a Nickelodeon was photos like a, taken separate of like, they didn't have film in, of a horse galloping. So you'd look in a view of finding. I've seen those. I've seen those.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the Waspid, let the Jews have the Nickelodeons. It's a gutter business. Wow. So that's why they got into that. Then what happened is they built in a big thing and then they,

Yeah, like that. Yeah, there you go. Yeah, that's what you do. They wanted to get rid of their European background and become Americans and simulate into America. Yeah. And if you see, so that's, so they changed their names. Right. They made all the Jewish actors change their names. Right.

And they were presenting their image of what they thought America was, which was white, Anglo-Saxon Protestant. Wow. And they became very, honestly, self-loathing. Jews. Wow. And like Tony Curtis is a bit. He wasn't self-loathing, but his real name's Bernie Schwartz. I know because when I did that movie with Jamie Lee Curtis in Budapest, her father,

Tony Curtis, created a synagogue there. So one morning, Jamie Lee Curtis goes, let's go to my father's synagogue. So I wore the little hat. And I went there one morning. I was so tired. But I felt like I had to go because he invited me. me, but it was like, and there was like a lot of history there, and it was very emotional, actually.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So they, they're, well, yeah. So like, like, did you listen to a word? I feel like you don't listen to it. I don't have anything to add to it. I know, but you're almost as if we're not even, we're not in two different to fucking rooms. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I'm listening. I know, but are you really? What a lovely story. Okay. When did you start working with Happy Madison? Oh, dude, bro, bro. He just jumped joking. Bro, bro, bro.

We're not even close to being there. Anyway, so that's what happened. In the sixth, so George Siegel was the first actor to say, I'm not changing my name. Oh, Jewish. Right. But they all did. Kirk Douglas has issued Daniel Lobbich says,

and then, you know, minority, they were right. They wouldn't give them parts, you know. Right. And then about five. five, six years ago, it started changing. And I lost, then they started saying, like, my friend worked forever. And they go, you can't get work. Why?

You're 60 and you're white. And it went the other way. About five, about, no, about 10 years ago, I started switching. I had two parts in shows, and I lot, and they go, John's our first choice. And then they go, sorry. The networked dead. Yeah, they go, we have to have minorities in this. And myself at the time was, well, why do you cast the best actor for the part?

But if you really want to help minorities, instead of saying, CBS had a thing, they go, we have to have two minorities in every show. Like, well, why don't you give them a whole show? If you really want to help people into, then we have them like little bits and pieces here. Hence blackish. Give them the whole show. Well, blackish, it's fine, but it's funny.

It's funny, yeah. If it wasn't funny, you'd go, that's how I look at it. It's not funny. Yeah. It's like when Ellen DeGeneres on her show came out and she was gay, and I was doing a pilot at ABC, and I said to Jamie Tarses, who was the head of, I said, well, okay, she's gay, but you're doing a sitcom.

What's the funny part of the show? Where's the situation comedy? Yes, exactly. So just, I understand she's brave. She's not comfortable. She goes, I don't feel comfortable yours. Sent me up on dates. It's fake.

I'm gay. Okay, great. Yeah. Now what? Now, where's the comedy? Yeah. What's the situation that's funny? We understand.

We understand. Yes, yes, yes, yes. I just don't think you hear me What's the situation? Yeah, yeah, I know what situational comedies are Yeah, what is the situation is what I'm interesting The show was off the air So quickly, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

And it wasn't because she came out of gay There was nothing, what's the funny part? Yeah, the funny part, how about like me, I'm looking for a place What is she trying to do? How about a show for us? I'm trying to find a place, right? And I can't find it, and all of a sudden I see, you know, an ad for this, you know what I mean,

house, You're living there, right? And then now the sitcom is about me and you, two strangers living. That's a funny situation. I thought of a better one. Okay, give me a better one then. I don't want to say it.

Somebody will steal it. All right. I'll tell you off the air, you just made me think of something funnier. No, just say it now. Just say it now. No. We'll cut it out.

We'll edit it out. Liar. You know why? Can I say something? I don't think you have a funnier one. I think you're just saying that to point in up mine, right? And going, oh, I'll talk about it later. But I don't think you're wrong.

I think you're fucking lying, dude. What's yours called, Bobby? Yeah? Two guys in a house. Oh, it's that, but it's me, and then I come home and you're a squatter. Oh. Oh, that is funny. Another conflict.

Or should I say Conflict? Conflict. You are, that is racist. You said conflict. You just said it. You said it first. You said it first. Did you just say it?

Who said conflict first? Oh, I did? All right. You say it. Conflict. Wow, very good one, dude. Wow. So let's do a show called Conflict. Confrict? You got to cut out. No one's going to steal that. No, they are.

We might take it. Are you that naive? I have people, there's a couple of guys, people that have overalls that networks and they're begging me for a three cameras that come. I don't have one. Why can't we do conflict? Conflict. Confrict. You wouldn't work with me every day? It feels good.

But you know, it would be funny to add. I go, we have a conflict. And then you go, you race as fuck. Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I won't have an accent in it, though. Do you want me to have an accent in our show? But you have one now?

No, I don't have one now, dude. You think I have a fucking accent right now? Right now I kind of do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can play your brother. You can play yourself and your brother and your brother. No, you won't leave, and it's me trying to get you out of the house. Yeah, yeah.

That's funny. That's funny. That's a good one. Spy versus Spy, yeah. What are you doing right now? I don't know. Yeah. Are you bored?

No, I'm just myself. Yeah. Do you want to talk about Sarah Highland? What do you want to talk about Sarah Highland about? Well, I was friends with her. Then she was dating you. Yeah, and then what happened? Bobby's ex-girlfriend.

You were so horrible in bed that she said, I don't want to be men anymore. She did go to the other team. Look, he's crying. Okay, I guess we better cut this out. But we'll leave in the sitcom idea. So you think that Sarah married a woman after me because I was terrible in bed. Yes.

Well, I don't know. All I'm saying is after you, yes? She decided she... It happened to happen. Oh, it. It was just a coincidence. Jared, what do you think about that situation?

This is the pilot of confidence. By the way, I love Sarah. No, you know, I met Sarah. I was doing an acting class. And Fraser Smith asked me to do it. And I go, I don't know. I said, well, you get the people. And I think, I think that's, my memory sucks now.

She was in it. But Sarah's great. Yeah. And you guys, you were hanging out with her? But we were friendly. She was in the class. Yeah, of course. I'm not to say accusing of anything.

Dating her. Yeah, yeah. I understand that. But it's a little offensive that you thought that, like, my sexual styling is what drove her into lesbianism. It wasn't that... That's what you're accusing me of, you fucking piece of shit. I know, but Bobby, it wasn't that I thought of it, thought that. Everyone thought.

Everyone thought. Like, if you did a poll. Yeah, yeah. Like all of... I'm just going to say. Yeah, you said. 30% of your fans and 100% of Koreans

think that's what happened. Oh, right, right, right. And then you got so mad and that's when you moved back, killed the real Kim L. John. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's a Cichita. That's a Cicca.

You're hiding in my house. Well, those should all should be storylines in our sitcom, you and I. Yeah, yeah. We'll put Kim Jong in Il-jong or whatever you call them. We'll put the whole Sarah thing in there. Can I write that? You can write.

You want to be on the writing staff? Yeah. I've never been in a writer's room. Can't? Oh, then perfect. I've never done it. Oh, I'm sold. Very good writer. Okay.

John, I'll be the PA. There's not even a shot. You better cut it out. No one's going to steal it. No, they're not going to steal it. They will. It's too good of an idea. It is good.

It is good. And it's all in the news. Trust me, cut it out. John's saying, basically, that you're not going to be the P. You're not having no involvement in the show. Well, you're missing out. I'm not saying that he said it. No, because you didn't give him the job.

There's no show. I know. Hypothetically, would you give him the job? Yeah, it could be your Your assistant Your P. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no. No?

Yeah, yeah, you're out. But the next show, we'll do an Well, I have a better show. What's your show? I'm not going to tell you. Why, you think you're going to steal it? Somebody's going to steal it? It's better than this one.

Okay, what is it then? Just tell, we'll cut it out. Instead of two people. Yeah. It's three people. Okay. Damn, he won up to you. He won up to our show, then.

You know what's called? Paul Fricks. I find that very offensive. Yeah, yeah. Okay, so do you feel like, John, show business is dying, though? It's not the same. It's not the same. I used to do a lot of, my first job I was on, well, Jesus Christ.

Okay. It's 42 years later. A lot of jobs on the Fox lot. Yeah. And I was there this summer to do like one line in the same. Simpsons. So yeah, that's changed. And then, and the lot was empty. Wow. There were no movies at all. Yeah. Maybe one show, The Simpsons is still there, but it was just, it was all the sound stages were empty. Oh my God. Empty. There used to look around and there'd be all these people and

costumes. Oh, yeah, I know. And all these beautiful, you know, girls auditioning everywhere. Yeah, yeah. And the commissary was full in every table. They're the executive and movie stars. And I mean, It was really exciting. I know. Now it's just like... Kind of like that. I mean, serious regular, a bunch of shows, and I remember getting my own slot.

You get a drive onto the lot. Your names on your parking. You know what I mean? Right. You do the cable for the network, and then you go to the, you know what I mean, you see other shows like,

oh my God, there's Seth Rogen or whatever. You say hi to old friends and this and that. They're doing other things. It's very active and now it's dead, is what you're saying. Yeah.

Yeah. Kind of like a C. Well, because... Cee, we heard me. Oh. Because what happens. was it. The Canada wanted the movie business. So like

in Vancouver they started giving a tax credit. I just did a movie last week in Toronto. Then they did it in New Orleans. Yeah. And now California wouldn't do it. Now 46 states of tax credits. And California won't do it so they lost their business. They're idiots. Wow, idiots.

What was the show you were on the sketch show? Matt TV? Yeah, where's that shot? Was that Fox lot? Originally it was, but then we moved to Hollywood Center, studios on Santa Monica and Las Palm. Netflix, right next to Netflix? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay. Yeah, and... But I'm sure there were stuff going on there when you were... Oh, yeah, one time it was... That's how we got the strokes because the strokes were doing a music video next to ours, and I ran over because I'd run under them before. And then I...

You'd run under them? Is that like a reference to because you're small? You know, I swear a fucking God guy I like you a lot You said it I know I ran under them Yeah yeah I mean I ran into them as I'm what that's what you said

I know I fucked up You said I ran under them Yeah but I meant into them Like I ran under the table No that's what you said I ran under them so you were between their legs I'm small that's right I was small I didn't say you did

You know what guy Thanks for being here, dude. You wanted Conflict. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We have Confrick. You wanted me. Now we have it. Now we have it.

And then whenever I do, you just stare at me like, how dare you? Yeah, yeah. And you said you wanted it earlier. I do want it. Okay. I'm always nice to you. So anyway, there was things going on. There were things going on a lot.

And yes, exciting, excited, excited, excited, excited, yeah. Can I say something? Did you hear the last thing he said? Yeah, yeah. Was that even? English? No, it wasn't. It was like, Sa'i, Zha,

yeah, I understand. Go ahead. Yeah, ma'amah, shayshay, Da'a, yeah, but I'm speaking Mandarin, and no. So am I. What did I say? Nihama. How's it going? How are you? Yeah. Now, I understand what I'm saying.

Well, ha, she's... No, I'm my turn now. Okay. You said nothing. I know. I know. Ask your question, Jaime. Oh, yeah. Oh, go ahead. Sorry. That's okay. And now, let's get to you. Yeah, yeah. What you were saying about the lot being filled, kind of reminds me when I was growing up watching the Pee-Wee Big Adventure.

When he was with the bike, I don't know if you ever watched them. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, like, he was going through the studio sets, and it was just packed. And that was a good feeling. Is that a question? That was on the Warner Brothers lot in the Valley. Yeah, yeah, but it was like that.

There was stuff. Very good. It was exciting. I don't know why they know. It's sad. If they just give tax credits, everybody, most people live here, so they go, like, yeah, let's work here. I'd rather work here. I live here.

They don't want to have to keep traveling. Have you thought about moving? To where? I don't know many people going to Austin. Maybe people are going to Atlanta. There's studios there now. Well, I don't have to move to work. You just, you go there.

Oh, you get a flight, yeah. You get a flight, right? Well. Explaining travel? I don't know. What's your house? I have a feeling that you don't say in private, I don't think you say flight or plane. I get it, yeah.

Private shit. Get it? I do get it. Good, I like you. What's your house like? You know, Joe Toy. Yeah, I want to know. What's my house like?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's private. I have a nice home. I know you do. This is where I live, this building. How long have you lived in the home you live in now? Since, oh gosh, 1990. Wow. Wow. Why does Spade move around so much?

He doesn't really. He just moved to, he had a night glorious house. He just... And he went to a different glorious house. Well, recently, but he lived where he lived for a long time. Oh, he did? Yeah. I liked that house. Yeah. You would invite me over. You never invited me over. Ever. No.

In fact, you don't ever call me. I'm the one that reached out to you. Well... Yeah, go ahead. All right. It's good. I just, because I just worry, like, you'd come over and you'd come over, and you'd look at all the stuff and you go, okay, bye, John, okay, bye.

And then you, like, wouldn't really leave. And you'd be... Like our show. You'd be underneath the house. I see. I see.

I see. Then you hear me go, I'm going out of town, see in a week. Yeah. And then you'd come up. Yeah, come up like that. Steels shit.

Through the piping. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. The ducks. The ducks. podcast. What's it called? What the fuck? Just fucking say it, dude. What the fuck? Well, it's called, what do they know? It's out there now. I don't think they keep doing it.

But it's with me and Charlotte McKinney and Charlotte's great and everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I seen her. But, you know, I had this conversation. I said to this guy, well, how long did you do your podcast before you started getting paid? Yeah. And this guy said three years. Yes. I said three years?

Yes. Well, I'm not fucking doing that. Well, how long did it take us? Around three years. About three years. You were the guy. Well, I was the guy. What the fuck are you talking about?

You were the guy that said that to me. Oh, yeah, I did tell you. I did tell you that. Yeah, I was like, what the fuck? Years of work, you don't make any money. Are you making money now on it? I don't know. You're giving me a piece of your podcast?

No, no, I'm saying, on you. Are you making money on the one this one? No. Okay. How long have you been doing? What do you know? We've done like 50,000 shows. Really?

Okay, 10. 10. What's the difference? Do you have guests? Yeah. Can I do it? Yeah. Is it All Things Comedy?

Who's doing it? Yeah. All things comedy. Yeah? Look at it. What a great. What do they know? Do you record it in Burbank?

Yes. at the ATC At the thing At the ATC studio Do you use their just generic studio Do you have your own studio? Generic Yeah

Well Hey you're three You're gonna have your own Just look at that painting of that girl I thought she was choking you That's my ex-girlfriend And like this is what it is right here Yeah wow

Yeah look at that I look like I'm 90 How old are you now John 67 Yeah, you look great. You look good. You have a good tan? Yeah.

You have a nice dog? You have a nice dog? You know, I'm going to... I don't feel any different than when I was 28. It's very strange. You don't feel any different. I know. So when I go, how old are you...

I just feel like, well, I technically am 60s... But I feel like I'm lying. I know. Have you seen another 67-year-olds? No, they're not like you. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're all decrepit.

Yeah, yeah. You're full of joy. They want to retire... What? You son of a bitch. Thanks. And now you can't talk till I say your name. Okay.

He'll come. You'll... Kim Jong-il. Oh, you can talk. Yeah. Thank you. I can talk. Thank you so much.

Thank you. Thank you so much. I said your name. Yes. Thank you. You know, acting. When you were on Mad TV, Didn't you play different characters?

I did. Yeah. Yeah. Like that's part of acting. I did Connie Chung. I did Kim Jong-il. That's from MIT TV, that poster. Yeah.

Yeah. What's this? There's Jordan. Ike. And there I played that guy. Oh, my God. Where I am? Oh, my God.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God. Breaking the barriers. Yeah. See, Dana Carvey. Oh, no. There's Ike.

Look at the young Ike Bernhold. Wow. Bobby. Yeah, yeah. That's hilarious. And then, that would never be on TV. Why?

You think that would be, that would, someone would do this now? Yes. A blind Asian kunkpoo master? Yeah, why not? It's a joke.

But it's acting. Why is it, it's a satire? It's so good, though. Yeah, it's so good. So now they would say that's racist because an Asian guy's playing an Asian guy. I know, I know, I know, I know.

Look how good I was, though. You're great. Yeah. I wouldn't know that was you. You really look like, I mean, totally. You look at the guy from a movie. Are you just crossing your eyes?

No, I have a white, one white eye for some reason. I couldn't get the other one in my eye. My left eye. So we just, we'll just do one white eye. Okay, cool. So it looks kind of weird, you know what I mean? There's Nicole Parker, my friend. She was a cast member for many years.

Very talented. And, okay, let's move on from this sketch. I've done other characters. Pull up a Connie job. Well, no, listen, Dana Carvey did a show on SNL character, Ching Change. and it was based on a real guy. Yeah. A real, in San Francisco.

There I am. Connie Chung. Whoa. Well, that's hilarious. Yeah, yeah. You look beautiful. Thank you so much. We have the same hair.

Yeah. I know Connie Chung. She's very nice. Yeah. I've always wanted to meet her. You think we could get Connie Chung on this? Yeah. For sure.

Yeah, she's very nice. Yeah, that would be legendary. And very interesting, very intelligent, very bright. She's bright, yeah. You might not understand what she's saying, but... Why is that? Because she's smarter. Oh.

You know, John, I'll tell you this, bucko. I'll tell you this bucko. I'll bring it. I'll bring it to you, all right? I'm brighter than you think. Really? Yes, I'm brighter than you think. All right?

My knowledge is in certain areas, and there's some things I don't know I'm aware of. Oh, well, what area do you have knowledge in? Film. Oh. Oh, really? Yes, I'm a big Kurosawa fan. I bring that up a lot, right? But I like film, I like, what?

Won Kar Wai. Did you ever heard of the movie Random Harvest? Yes. Who's in it? You are. You said, I want an Oscar left for that, dude. I tell you, when you play The Imp? Yeah, okay.

Begin by film history. Yeah. I mean, I don't know that particular. Oh, well, it won an Oscar. Oh, yeah? You ever heard of Greer Garson? Yeah, I don't do white film history. Oh, okay.

You don't do white film history. white film history. Yeah. It's not white film history. It's film history. American films. Okay. I never saw a random barvest.

It's fantastic. It is? Yeah. What's it about? Well, Ronald, it's World War, end of, after, about three years after World War won, and he has amnesia. Yeah. And he's in an insane asylum, and he escapes.

And he ends up, he wanders into town. That's the guy to the right in the poster. Yeah. He was a huge actor. And he runs into a black woman. No, Greer Garson. She's a black woman and she has red hair. You don't know that redheads are black now?

Oh, that's a thing. It's a new thing now. What? Yeah, so look at me right now, John. What are you talking about it? John, John, look at me right now. I know some things, Bob. I know some things.

Go on TikTok. Just listen to me right now, okay? Red-headed people are now, black people. And it's not just redhead saying it. Black people are saying it as well. So it must be true. That's the most ridiculous No, but it's true

And I think they're from Ireland I understand that But it's basically how perception Is what we're talking about What? Yeah, yeah Leprocons are fast Okay, okay

Red-headed Women at Greg Garson Are black people Yes And you Yeah Are taller than Shaquille O'Neal Wow

I think you're being facetious No I'm stating a fact Oh you are You are taller Yes Anyway We're gonna

Or 78 Check out random harvest It's a great movie Yeah And it has three acts And they don't do that anymore Right What's the last good movie you've seen

Be honest You might lie I don't have to think Yeah I don't remember remember yesterday. Did you see sinners? No.

Do you know what it's about? No. Black vampire. No white vampires, but black people in a... Just vampire. Vampire movie. Kind of like, I'm robot. No, if you say that again,

I'm going to lose it on my fucking mind, dude. I robot and sinners have... Bella Lagosi, you know, is Dracula. I understand that. I'm hungry, and my aunt dated him. Really? Yeah. Your aunt dated Bella...

Yeah. That's incredible. Yeah. My great aunt. Did you know... Jerker guard? Canoe. Okay.

Get it? Yes. Canow. Canow. So, you have any questions for John Levitts? Did you see Friendship? No. You don't watch comedies then.

I don't know every movie that exists. I know, but John, I bet you money in the last five years, a bunch of movies have come out, yeah? That I haven't seen. Yeah, but you haven't seen any of them. Right. That's my belief.

Probably. Yeah, yeah. Did you see Dune one or two? Or both? Neither. I had no interest in seeing it. Okay, why? Because there's space and all that stuff.

Well, I've seen Dunes. I've seen Sand Dunes. Oh, I see. That's a good point. You know what I saw? What was there? Reacher, the TV show. Yeah.

I like that. You like Jack Reacher? Yeah, I like action. Because I just, I like people that stand up against bullies. I like that. Yeah. You're a bully. I'd like him beat the crap out of you.

It'd be a fair fight. Right, because he's 6-3, but as we all know, you're 7-8? Like that's Jack. He called back, huh? Bobby, he both were on the same TV show. Oh, that was, oh, yeah, we did. Magnum P.I. Magna P.I.

Yeah. And then they said, do this one scene, and if the show gets picked up next season, we'll have you back, and it'll be a great character. Yeah. And it was fun. I did it. and then didn't get picked up. I don't know why.

Well, it did get picked up because I did 12 episodes of that. No, it didn't get picked up after this season. Oh, after this season, it didn't. But we were in this show, we're both in it. In the same episode?

Yes. Oh, wow. Yeah, but you didn't do that shit. Look at me. Action Bob. Right there, dude. So, I'm not... This guy you're in the car with.

He's the lead actor. What's his name? What's his name, John? Hmm? What's his name, John? Was it Tom? I don't remember. Jay Hernandez.

Oh, Jay. He was very nice. Very nice guy. He's a good actor. Great actor. Were you sexually attracted to him out at all? Like any, even one or two degrees. Are you by at all for Jay, Redmond?

Jay Hernandez. No. Nothing? You look at that man, you feel zero? Eh. If I'm in that car with him, I mean, that's crazy. I've been in the same room with him, and I think if John says that he, wasn't sexually attracted. Maybe that was CGI

because I very straight and very attracted to him. God, I was very attracted to him as well. I wasn't. Yeah, yeah. Because you never seen this. You feel very nice. Jared, let me say something. If you saw him in the flesh, you'd be more attracted. I've seen him in a speedo, bro.

At his, at his fucking house in Hawaii. And we were bathing. Yeah. Are you really? I am, yeah. Oh. Yeah. What's that okay? What's the problem, John? It's fine. I don't know. What's your views on the? gay's. I thought you said you weren't.

No, I'm gay. He's full-blown gay. Oh, God. What? But it's cool that you thought maybe I wasn't. No, I was thinking maybe you weren't. Oh, the whole time you thought he was. He's going to vibe. He's got a gay vibe. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But he's a very funny gay. Hey. He's a great stand-up. A lot of this isn't, I don't know, whatever. Whatever. But a lot of game. They're very funny.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Flamboyant and funny. They're just, well, they're funny. They are fair. Terry Sweeney was on the show. Terry was like, I'm openly gay, but Terry was hilarious. Who's the funniest gay guy? I think Mattia Land.

Yeah. Okay. You don't know much. Rip Torn. Is he gay? Was he gay? Is he gay? Yeah.

What are you kidding? Show him a picture of Rip Torn. I know what Riptorn. Yeah, I know Rip Torn. Didn't he always. I always like to get mad if people called him gay, though. He couldn't have been gayer. I think.

Yes, he could. He'd strike me as that gay. Yeah. He was very flamboy and he'd throw confetti. Yeah. Oh, Rip torn. I would think of somebody. No, not Rip Torne.

Rip Taylor or Torne. No, not Rip Torne. No, not rip Torne. No, you're right. No, hold on. I made a mistake. Give you a rip torn. Give me a rip torn.

Because Rip Torne is definitely not. Yeah. Yeah. Rip torn. No. Gary Shanling show. Larry Sandor show. Larry's a mistake.

Not him. Taylor. Okay, Rip Taylor. Look up Rip Taylor. I don't think you know what you're talking about, right? I think you're right. Rip Taylor. Yeah, yeah.

There he is. Yeah, he's definitely gay. Rip Taylor. You look at me and you see Rip Taylor. Yeah. Beyond. Oh, beyond gay. Yeah.

I mean, he's a nice guy. Very funny. Yeah. Oh, is he really nice? I never met him. Yeah. Has he passed on? He has.

Yeah, yeah. Just ripped. It said rip, yeah, yeah, yeah. Rip, rip. Have you ever had a gay experience, John? Lesbian. Oh, lesbian experience, yes, yeah. You've scissured a woman.

Yes. Yeah. That would be the funniest image. No one to men. John Lovitz, scissoring a woman. Yeah. Yeah. Like Leslie Jones.

I don't even want to picture it. Okay. Is that your favorite position in bed? Ciscering? One of them, yeah. Good, good, good, good, good, good. Do you still work? My favorite position in bed now is taking a nap.

Wow, that's good. I'm very good at that. Good night. Good night. And you go. Yeah. That was a joke. What are you looking at right now?

I feel like you're bored now. Are you bored? I'm looking at all the stuff you have. Why is your podcast called Tiger Belly anyway? It was just a nickname. I had for one of my friends over the years. That was a funny name and we just named it that. Really?

Yes. Yes, really. I don't buy that next movie. Yeah, yeah. Well, yeah. I mean, what about your title? Well, what do they know? It's like, yeah, what the hell do I know?

Yeah. Wow. Yeah. So, what are your future plans now, John? What's your dream here, baby? Well, work-wise, I did this game show, Funny You Should Ask, and it's coming back. They stop shooting.

that's come back. I did one episode of that, and they never called me back. Well, the only reason is, is I can think, I'm guessing, going on a... Okay, go on a guest,

go ahead. But it's a comedy show, and you have to be funny. Okay. I was hurtful. I burned. I burned a bit. Because, you know,

when you're not invited back, that's the thing that you think, right? I don't think I was funny, and I don't think that I'm great, and that's why they didn't, fight me back, and you just fed into that fear.

But you just said that. What do you mean? You just said. You're being gaslit right. I am right. I don't think I'm funny. Yeah, yeah. That's why they didn't ask.

No, no, you said it first. And you, you, you, you, it might be gas. What do they call that, you manifested it? I'm going to study this in schools. In schools, yeah, that was very sly. You know, I feel like you said it, but okay, let's move on. No, I don't, I don't know. I think, I think if you called and said, I want to come back.

I asked and have you back. No, I asked and they go, no, it's that the right fit or something. You know what I mean? But anyway, that was like the pilot episode. That is a great show. And you're on, you're still, you're a regular on that show. Who is in the back right? Is that Anthony Anderson?

Yeah. Yeah. And then Pauli, sure. And Caroline Ray? Yep. Oh. And Polly, what a show. Oh my gosh.

Is that Dave Cooley? Oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Wow. I don't remember that. Yeah. So let's do some prayers. Wait, move over.

I can't see me. Move that. Cutting me out. How rude. Zoom in on John. Wow, look at him. Look at that skin. Yeah.

Smooth. Purple on you looks like you look like a fucking telotubby. But anyway, are you a telotubby dude? What the fuck? Are you? Are you? That's your comeback?

Are you? Are you a telotubby? No, I'm not. You are, though. You're a fat talitobby Oh Yeah You want to go there

No I don't I don't I don't want to go there with you Okay I love you John I love you We all love you But you were just trying

I just met you No I know You just said that wasn't funny Jerry kill Yeah So what is your So

No I think you're hilarious I know you do The people on the show didn't So your dream is... That's coming back? I think if you has to come back, they'd have you back. So you're coming back on that show, and then what else?

You're going to do some road dates? With Dice? And then we're working on a... And then July, you'll be in the... What is that called? Capital Theater? What's the Donia Improv Comedy Theater? Oh, Donia Beach.

It's the improv in Dania Beach. Okay, Dania Beach. It's in Florida. And then January 18th, we got Andrew Dice Clay with John Ler. Lovitz at the Capitol Theater, Port Chester, New York. That's a great show. Can I open? Ooh.

Can I open? Well. You don't have to answer now. I don't know. To say no. It's easy to say no. It's not up. First of all, it's a show.

Secondly, I've never seen you perform. Maybe you're great and hilarious. I don't know. Don't go by me. And don't go by him. But Jared especially, we, be perfect because he's unlike you guys. He's very clean.

You know what I mean? And he's also, then I wouldn't have anyone on this podcast who wasn't the next thing up. We only have killers on this podcast. The next thing. Up in the business. Up.

Not the butthole. No. Not the butthole. No. You said it. I just said the next thing up. Period. And then you looked at me, you mouth the words,

me. I wouldn't have anyone on this show That wasn't the next thing up Clear as a bell I guess I'm gay then John No I don't know Yeah yeah I just heard you whisper it

I just heard you Yeah So John you want anything else How'd you have a good time on this podcast Is it over? Yeah we just do an hour Oh Hey I love you on

The bench-waters. Yeah, I can stay longer, but you're done, I guess. No, we only do it hour. You like the bench-wormers, thank you. Sorry, somebody was giving me a compliment, and you can't stand it. Yeah. Did you have fun, John?

Yes, thank you for having me on your show. I would love to you. I hear this is a big podcast. Is that true? Pretty big. How big? Top 50. Really?

In comedy, yeah. That's huge. We were last week, right? Yeah, top 50 in the U.S. on YouTube last week. That's great. The biggest. There's four million podcasts. I know.

Try starting one now. Yeah. But bad friends. My other one is top what? It's also a brand new podcast. Sorry what with Jared Goldstein. That's me. Yeah.

There you are. Oh, you are Jewish. Yeah, yeah. And that's my Jewish podcast. Would you be on it? Let me open for you. I just met you. Yeah, yeah.

I don't want you to open for me. You're going to love him. Keep your legs Cl Cliven Jared is so funny John I'm sure you are Yeah yeah

I do you know There's so many comedians Have you heard of the show Black Mirror No Okay He was on an episode Which one?

This is me One time Don't arc When the ratings were like Of TV right This was years ago So I was in this acting class And my friend

points to this girl in the class doing a scene, a blonde girl, and she goes, what is she doing here? I go, who? To her, I go, I don't know. She's, what is she doing here? I go, what do you mean? She's taking the acting class. Do you know who that is? No. She's on the show Dallas. Wow. Dallas was like the number one show on television. Like 50 million people a week watched it.

Yes. I go, what's that? Yeah, wow The number one show on TV What, Dallas? Yeah I don't know It was Charlene Tilton

Never heard of her It was she's huge Way better than you And me Huge That's her Yeah, she's very nice She's still alive

Yeah Thank God But I didn't know who she It was the first year The show And it was a phenom show You know Yeah

Yeah That's how out That's what I'm saying Is I'm out of it A lot of this, I'm just out. Yeah, everyone's out. Everyone.

There's just too much, too many people doing it now, John. Yeah. Yeah, we're all lost in the wind. Thank God. Yeah. What do you mean? I don't know who that is. Is she dead?

Thank God. She married Johnny. Because she's still alive, I mean. Yeah, she's still alive. She's very nice. Did she marry an Asian guy? Johnny Lee? She's about as tall as she is.

How old was Charlene? I'm 5-3. Oh, you a tower. Yeah. What? Five-3. Five-three. I thought you were taller than Shaquille and Neil.

That joke is the ninth time you've called the top. Well, yeah, yeah. And red-haired. What a pro, what a pro. Red-heads are black people. Yeah, yeah. And you look like a telemark. Well, that's the stupidest thing I ever heard.

What? That the color red is now black? Oh, yeah, red-headed people. Not the color. The people are now black. How? What does that even mean? Just accepted.

is what it means. They make the rules. If they had freckles, and somehow the freckles all connected, I could see it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, this is not connected to freckles. Yeah, yeah.

So, John, you want to promote anything else? I can't think of anything. Yeah. So the road. Stand up, I appreciate it. Yeah. Any new projects out working on? Maybe Happy GameWRWR.

Well, we'll see. Maybe I'll come back. If these things go through. Did you get into Happy Gilmore 2? Oh, yes. I'm in that too. You are? Yes.

Nice. Well, that lessons my value. I'm in it, but we had to sign an NDA. Oh, yeah, we got to cut that out. Yeah, yeah. No, no, I asked Adam Taylor, we can say we're in it. Yeah. But can't say what we did, the scene.

Yeah, we're in it. Okay, cool. Okay, keep it in. Yes, I have a very funny scene in it. Yeah, so you got parts in that. I bet you are. I have a cameo. A little cameo, yeah, I have a cameo, so I have one line.

Oh, I'm on cameo. The app cameo, are you? No, I'm not a whore in that way. What's this? Yeah. Hey, John, it's your birthday. I'll do this for money, but I won't do this for money, but I'll do this for money. Yeah.

John's listen as a fan favorite. I'm not an idiot. Yeah. I'm sure you're very fun. funny, but in Bobby's eyes, you're also a demographic. Just call me a faggot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A demo.

So, do you do well? How many of these do you do a week, cameos? He's a fan favorite. Yeah, I do well. You know, look, did you ever sign an autograph? Yes. Did you ever take a picture with somebody? Yes.

So this is like It's a video It's the same thing Except you're making a little video for them And they love it Let's give That would be the end of that Let's give John Levitts a round of applause

What a What an appearance You gotta come back Would you do it again? Would you do it again? Yeah yeah Yeah yeah Considering this will be your best podcast you've done Yes

All right Is he the best guest ever Well, he was the funniest. There we go ahead. Jared, what's your handle, and what is your show come? It's at Hey, Jared, hey, and I'll be in Pittsburgh. You have two? June 12.

And you're doing both?