TigerBelly - Kam Patterson & The Notes of White Rice

Episode Date: September 25, 2024

Comedian Kam Patterson (Kill Tony) joins us for the first time. So stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to www.zocdoc.com/belly to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. That’s www.zocdoc.com/belly New players can play just FIVE BUCKS and get FIFTY INSTANTLY in Casino Credits! Download the DraftKings Casino app and sign up with code TIGERBELLY. Then press play on your favorite games to join the fun! The crown is yours. Robinhood Gold provides the privileges of a high net worth for any net worth. These generous benefits are now available for only $5/month. The new gold standard is here with Robinhood Gold. Sign up at www.robinhood.com/gold

So bright it is for you and me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And so is for sobriety always for Yeah, overcoming the achievement. Yeah, he is for what? Relapse. Damn. This is a hard ****. Hey don't say the N word around this town, dude. I don't know what you're doing, dawg. You're right here, dude. The hell you?

Yeah, yeah. What it do? Where's your dad, dude? Here, here. I love your dad. He the best person in the world. Hell yeah. Dude, how old are you, man? 12?

25. Yeah. 25. Without the mustache you'd be 12, huh? I should have korou. Yeah, yeah. What? I should have korou. Yeah, korou. What do you think about it? What does that mean? What does korou mean?

What you're telling me? No, you go, I should have... You just said I should have korou. You said, but that sounded like something not... That sounded like a different language. I know, I know, but the way you said it sounded cool. Oh, the way I just said it? The way you said it. The way I said it sounded cool, the way you said it sounded Japanese. Try yours one more time. I said it pretty cool.

But what did you say? I cut it off. What did cut it off mean? I got to cut it off. Oh cut it off. Yeah, you did it real quick. Real fast. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I said it quick. That's pretty good, dude. All right. Yeah, give me another fast one. She don't know. That's all right. She don't know. I don't know. Everything I say in Japanese, I just say it quicker than anybody.

Does it sound Japanese because I'm Asian? No. I just sounded Japanese. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Okay, that's good. What are you doing in town? Just doing shows, yeah.

Coming to shows, something like that. How much pussy are you getting? I'm a loyal guy right now, man. I'm like, man. Who are you a little guy? I'm a loyal guy. You think you have a bigger penis than me? Probably. He said he's loyal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a little guy right now man.

I'm a little guy. I'm a little guy. You think you have a bigger penis? Probably. He said he's loyal. Yeah, thank you. Translation. He's doing translation for you.

Oh, so you're the translator. Thank you so much for being here, Jaime. Thank you. For translating. What does Quoroco mean? Look, he's going to cut it off. Oh, wow. Thank you so much.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So? Wow, thank you so much. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So you're 25, you said? 25. 25. Yeah. Yeah? Guess how old I am.

Shit, dog. 42. 53, dude. 53? Yeah, yeah. 53. What's up, home? Look, good for 53.

Can I ask you a question? Yeah. Why you flake on us? What you mean? Oh, last time I'm being real right now. I can tell you exactly. Okay, so check it out All right. Wait, we're waiting around here. Right? Yeah, you know me just chillin. You're hanging out. Just hanging out there You know, we're raising the roof here. Yeah

You got it you got it Raise the roof You gotta teach us to do shit, bro. Razor Roof, old as fuck. Who's that Razor Roof, you know what I'm saying? Not gonna have that? I don't give a fuck, bro. Right? And we're chilling like cats.

You know what I mean? Cool as cats. And who's here? Kaleiler. Yeah, so what I'm saying is we're here chilling, you know what I mean? And just, you know, dapping it up. Oh, man. I think he's just as much legacy as he is.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just to the left, and you know. Oh, come on, to the left and you know. Oh, God, to the left. The Cupid Shuffle? Yeah, we're doing the Cupid Shuffle. And we get a call from your management going, he ain't coming.

He ain't even saying that. I know he can't say that. He ain't coming. There's no way he would like that **** not coming though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He probably said it way more white and professionally. Well, we have a scheduling conflict. You know, Cam seems to be else. Yeah golfing or something

Yeah, and he's not gonna be attending your podcast what happened what yeah? What's up? What's up? Good music a lot. Yeah, he's 25, babe. I know yeah, he's still calling me babe. Sorry my bad Probably their exes. Yeah, yeah,. He claims he has a burger penis. I don't think he knows. Probably. Their exes. Yeah. Oh, really? Yeah.

Do you talk to your exes still? No. For legal purposes, I say no. You cut and run. Huh? You cut and run? My ex got my debit card. Really?

Yeah. And he has a PIN number? She has a PIN number? Yeah. Yeah. Let me ask you something. How do you break up with a girl? Let's say I'm a girl, we've been singing for six months. You wanna do some acting?

Yeah, let's do it. Ah, Cam, what's up? What do you wanna do today? Shit, I gotta tell you something, bro. Why you calling me bro? No, it's all right. No, no, no, why you calling me bro? You know I hate that.

No, I call you bro all the time. Oh, that's right. Oh yeah, that's our thing. Yeah, it's our thing, it's our thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I gotta tell you something, doodoo, it's a... Wait, wait, wait, I'm sorry. You just call me doodoo? Yeah, yeah, it's right. Oh, yeah. That's our thing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I got to tell you something, dude It's uh, wait, wait, wait. I'm sorry. You just call me doodoo. Yeah It's hard. Oh, yeah, I like it. I love it when you call me doodoo Yeah, anyway, so um, what's on your mind honey come honey come

Now honey come honey come It tastes sweet in my mouth. You know when you come in my mouth, it tastes so sweet. Yeah, I can't be that when you come in. We act national later right now. We act, we act. And the other day, honestly, the other day when I ate your honeycomb, a bee flew out of my mouth. You know that?

Buzz buzz. Yeah, buzz buzz. So anyway, Doudou, what's up? You know what I'm saying? I just like, we got a lot of shit going on right now. I know you're busy, you're killing it. We got to take a break, tight shit. What? I'm sorry, what? We just got to take a little break.

What does that mean? No, I don't know what you're saying. Explain it to me. Jimmy and you talk, you know what I'm saying? Jimmy? Who's Jimmy? No, me and you. So Jimmy and you and what? No, no, me and you. Oh, you and I? Yeah, me and you. Alright. It ain't working right now, you feel me saying? I feel it's working pretty good. My mama say, you know. Your mom? My mom was talking about, she had told me that it's saying a good look for us right now Oh, it's not good. All right That hurts that hurts real deep because if someone says their mom doesn't like me Your mom doesn't like me

Why Why look at these titties she don't like okay? Oh, you don wait, why? Because she's racist. Why? Look at these titties. She don't like, she don't care. Oh, you don't care about the titties? Okay. Well, so I guess you don't call me, I don't call you? I mean, we can do that.

Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's how you do it? Yeah. It's pretty harsh. I mean, usually I just don't say nothing. What do you mean? You just ghost.

Yeah, I just go, I just go. Oh, so because you're ghost? Radio silent. Really? Radio silent. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think ghosting's okay if it's like two weeks, hookup, whatever, that's fine. But not if it's like a couple years.

Couple years, nah, I won't go for a couple years. But it'll be hard for me to be like, I'm just goofy. So it's like, I'm trying, like that's when I was just like, just break it off. So it's over. It's over. It'll be over. Do you ever do it so that you give her a reason to break up with you? I do that all the time. Oh my god. Oh, this is Yeah, what are your because I do specific things I think you're called cheating over oh you do

I know. But see. Do do. Do do. Yeah, do do. Come on, do do. But I do it in a way, you can't do it that way because you do it in a way you don't hurt them. So you do subtle things.

I'll tell you what I do. What'd you do? All right? When I orgasm. Oh, okay. Just listen to me. That's subtle. That's not subtle. No, listen.

That's not subtle at all. Yeah, it's subtle. When I orgasm, I lock eyes with them and I don't make a sound. So this is what they see. But do it to Cam. Do it to Cam. This is what a girl sees. Just look at me Cam. Cam, look at him please.

Cam, Cam, Cam, Cam, just look at me alright. You do that four times in a row, they'll never call you back. Can you do it to the camera? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So where's the camera, right? Look at the camera, right? So you lock eyes with the girl, right? You don't make a sound and you do this Like you taking a shit Yeah, yeah, and the girl in their mind they're like what the fuck is going on and it weirds them out But they can't they don't say anything and if you do it four times in a row, it's over. It's fucking over

Here's another thing I do. All right, yeah You forget their name for a split second and you use a snap. Oh Yeah, so you go like this. Hey candy Wow You do that ten times. I've read a book cruel. Yeah, that's fine But it's because it's like you just kind of slightly forget. Hey Rebecca, that's fine. Yeah, it's subtle put that in my notes, but it works dude. You and I could write a book That's a good. That's a good one. That's a good one, right? You do little subtle things, and eventually you

come without making noise. That's a snap with the finger. Yeah. What's the third? What? What's the third one? I haven't thought about the third. Give me another one, a good one, you think.

They're good guys. Oh, I know. I may mind no one. I know what you do. You give them the same present for every holiday. Okay, like. That's a long con. So for Christmas you give them oven mitt.

For birthday oven mitt. Right? At that point you're like, but leave me alone. Don't even. Yeah. After five oven mitts they're like, um, there's something going on here. I thought we liked that baking show on Netflix. That's too much effort for just like.

Yeah, that's a long haul. That's like, you gotta wait. Different holidays. Oh, for just like... Yeah, that's a long haul. That's like you gotta wait different holidays. Oh, so you like to do a quick? Fast. Oh, I see. Okay. So I'm wasting a year of my time doing that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But by doing it my way, you're not hurting their feelings. I don't know how it hurt feelings either. What? I don't know how it hurt feelings for real. If you gave me an oven mitt, you don't think that would hurt my feelings?

Three holidays in a row? But you know how women say, I don't care, just the thought that counts. Oh no, it's never the thought that counts. I know, but they say that. I don't say that. And I challenge them. I challenge them. I'll go, really, the thought that counts?

We'll see what you get for fucking Christmas. Right? Oh, a light bulb. That's a good thought. What's the worst gift that you would give a girl? Man, I got a girl, on Christmas I got a girl some Reeboks and I broke up with her. What, Reeboks? Yeah.

Wait, what kind though? Classes. I mean that's a good gift. Yeah, in the 80s. Oh, that's true. Yeah, in the 80s. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

I think it was like 2019 I think. I was in the footlock and my browser was all broke, so I bought her some Reeboks, classes, and I broke up with her on Christmas. But you see, in my culture, if you give someone shoes, you're not supposed to give someone shoes because they say that person's going to walk all over you. Out my life. That would be cool too. Or just delete.

So Cam, do you know that right now you're on fire? Yeah, it's pretty cool. You feel it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're a humble kid too because I've run into you many times you're so cool thank you right excuse me say you too some man yeah yeah yeah you want to show them Austin yeah we're good friends you know I love your dad you know yeah yeah he's from Tampa right Florida oh yeah yeah where you from? Dallas oh Oh, hell yeah. You my, oh, you know my boy Jordan, Jay? Yeah, hell yeah.

And Ralph. That's hard. That's hard. Welcome to Texas. That's hard, man. Not yet. Why do you say the N word a lot? I like it.

People get mad, people online be like, you say I say ****, but I'm like, I don't really know what I be saying. Yeah, yeah. You don't? Uh-uh. Is that how I talk? Yeah, we just use the ****. why we say it. Yeah. Yeah. You don't? Uh-uh. Well, we- Is that how I talk?

Yeah, we should use the- What that is? You use it. Yeah. Yeah. What that is? Like in the way- What that is? What do you mean what that is?

Oh. Oh. Oh. It's our- Mm. We have the G word. Mm-hmm. Right. You can't say it. Mm-hmm. Uh-uh. Say it.

I'm okay. You're right. You're smart. You're a survivor. I'm digging this shit. Yeah. You're smart. You're a survivor. I'm digging this shit. Yeah. So when you're on the road, are you selling out? Yeah, it's going good right now.

Yeah, yeah. Have you done a gig where you didn't sell tickets? Yeah, and I got really mad. Where? There was one show in Ohio that just didn't sell that well, but all the rest of them sold out. Yeah, but what part of Ohio? Liberty Township.

Oh. You did the show anyway. Yeah, of course. Yeah, but what part of Ohio? Liberty Township. Oh, you did the show anyway. Yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow, and what are you doing with your money? That's right. He's saving it. Are you really? Yeah.

Good. Did you see that? All right, guys. Saving it. Saving it. Yeah. Did you know that, that what he was doing? I mean, you're close to your dad.

Yeah. So I feel like he had to be close to your dad. Yeah. My dad don't know, he don't save money. Me and him being close has nothing to do with money. That is terrible money. He one of the worst people with money in the world. That is true though, because there are people who either are a saver or you're not a saver. Because I know people in like my 40s who are just like extravagant spenders and I'm like,

where the fuck you getting this money from? Yeah. So you really. I spent, most of my money go to like Cologne and shit. Cologne? Yeah, you. Like what do you like, like Dracar or what? Nah, uh, Bond, what is it? The water?

What is it? I like Bond number nine. I love Bond number nine. Oh, Bond number nine. Initio, Initio's great. What? Like Initio. Yeah.

What did he say? Shit, expensive shit. Okay, good. What? Like an issue? Yeah. Issue? What did he say? Shit. Expensive shit. Okay, good. Yeah, you got it. You got it. So good, dude.

I have the sense of peace. That's a good one. Yeah. He has one that's called White Rice. Yeah, I got one called White Rice. No way in here. Yeah, it's in the car. No way in here.

Yeah. I'll grab it right now. What one is it? I know, it's called White Rice. I'll go grab it. And it's expensive, too. I'm trying to look. Sit here, talk. What? That's real shit? What brand is it? I'm not sure but there's this other one by Diaz Durga it's called Pasta Water. No way in hell bro.

110 bucks. It's not bad. Would you buy that? It's not bad because Bonham Nugget is more expensive. Bonham Nugget is like $3.99 or shit like that. What does the pasta water smell like? What the notes look like? See, I know Cologne for real. What the notes is?

This one is pandan. It's like a Southeast Asian plant and then white rice. That's crazy. That's so funny. Top notes, rice and pandan. That's crazy. Yeah, milky floral notes. Oh, Jasmine. White musk. Musk. Oh shit, Floral notes. Oh, Jasmine.

White Musk. Musk. Oh shit, this is what you're talking about. Bonn number nine. Yeah. Wait, which one do you have? I got that one. I got Beakman Place.

The Beakman Place. Oh, that's their new one. Yeah. Yeah. How much is that? It's like in the 300s. Yeah, I love Bonn. Yeah, I do.

They used to have an Andy Warhol one. I really liked, you know. So right here to have an Andy Warhol one. I really liked. So right here, dude, by Denunum. White rice, bro. Hold on, doc. Hold on, I'll explain. You'll smell in a second, dude. Okay, go ahead. It's called White Rice.

See, there it is on the thing. We know what rice looks like. Why would they even have the fucking little... We don't like, what's white rice mean? We know what rice looks like why would they even have a fucking This was like a targeted ad to you on Instagram They went to to me, you know, and I ordered one called Boba to It's a little warm because in my car but yeah, go ahead. All ahead. Alright, the professional, tell us the notes, what do you think? That's nice. Yeah, my men sign up. Yeah, yeah.

Not rice? You know, reminds you of rice. Nah, nah, nah. Oh, okay. Not rice. You have Chang's? A different cologne. That's actually really nice.

That's far, 110, that good. That ain't bad. It's good, thank you. Yeah, yeah. And you know Yeah, yeah. And you know what you do, bro? Because you got a little money now, right? I'm not all right.

You're not all right? I'm not all right. Yeah. You blindly buy. Yeah, I do that too sometimes. You do blindly buy? Yeah, yeah. So online you go-

Without like reviews. Smelling it. Without smelling it. You read the description. Yeah, but you did that last time and you bought like a dozen baby clothes. What? Remember? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. He saw these like really nice like what he thought was adult clothing on Instagram. Yeah. He bought a ton of it and they were this small. And they were like baby clothes. Yeah. That's hilarious. Yeah, because on in the Instagram, you can't tell the size unless you read it. I didn't read it. That's a blind buy. It's a blind buy.

It's a blind buy. These sweats look dope. And then it was like baby sweats. You know what I mean? But with Cologne, sorry, my bad. But with Cologne, I would like you to try, so you've done it already. Have you guys done it?

Blindly by Cologne. I'm gonna try it. Why wouldn't you do that? You gotta have just one cent. I'm just a one cent guy. One cent? I couldn't do that. Yeah, I can't just one cent. I'm just a one cent guy. One cent? I couldn't do that. Yeah, I can't do one cent because there's different occasions.

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Say look at me real quick. Don't tell me to look at you, Den. Look at me. I will. Be careful. Hey Cam. Cam Patson, are you going, do you think I'm going to a rave? Right, so I ask you? Yeah. Yo Cam, Cam Patterson, are you going, you think I'm going to a rave? Right, so I ask you?

Yeah. Yo Cam, what's up? We good? What's up, you good? I'm pretty good. This is a nice park, man. If I made this park. Yeah, yeah, park?

Yeah, yeah. Look, the trees are beautiful. Yeah, yeah. What do you mean, yeah, yeah? I'm like, yeah, the trees look good, nigga. He's agreeing with you. I know, I just like, I like to milk the scene, dude. Okay, go ahead. I know, I just like to milk the scene dude. Okay go ahead.

Yeah yeah I want to milk the scene you know, beautiful part. Who's your friend over there? My dog. Yeah what's his name? Jimmy. Yeah my dog Jimmy. Jimmy? Yeah.

Alright cool. Anyway dude tonight you know, you know I like to promote. Yeah yeah. Promoting the shit. Yeah I promote shit dude. Yeah. And yeah so in Ramona, California I have a rave at two in the morning, dude. Two in the morning?

Yeah, yeah. You coming? Who gon' be there? What? Who gon' be there? Oh shit, man. Sebastian? Okay, yeah, yeah.

Some white hoes? What? Some white hoes? Some white hoes? White ladies. Oh yeah, they're white ladies? Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Excuse me? White girls. Oh yeah, they're white ladies. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Excuse me white girls. Oh, yeah, why go? There's white black, you know, yeah, some purples too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah

You coming tonight Yeah, you're not coming all do raise oh, you know. Yeah, you're not coming. I don't do raves, nigga. Oh, you don't? All right, dude. Well, what do you do? Clubs? I club. Clubs, great. All right. Come to my club, then.

Pull up. I'm with her. Yeah? Move it there. Yeah. I mean, no one's going to be there. You want me and you? Yeah, dude.

A date? A date? No, no, no. It's you, me, and Steve Aoki, dude. I don't even sign. That sound like some wild shit. Yeah, but you don't know Steve Ioki? I know Steve Ioki, I don't know him, but I know of him. He's a DJ, dog. Yeah. One of the most famous DJs.

But me, you, and a famous DJ in a big club, that's it? Yeah, he's going to be DJing. I bet, a lot of drugs involved. Oh yeah, I got fentanyl. That sound insane. I got fentanyl. Oh, we going crazy. We're going to the moon.

Yeah, I got fentanyl. I got fucking, you know, some oils. Okay. You know, massage oils. What's going on in this club? What do you mean? What do you mean, dude? I don't want to go to the club. It's my birthday, dude. You know some oils, okay, you know massage oils Birthday dude, I'm happy birthday nigga Yeah, look that's us I go be that's you and me and Steve I okay, dude good do we have our own little club, dude That's all right. We have oils there. Let's get to it. Let's get to a little house You have oils, dude? I didn't get to a little house.

It's a club. We had a club now, killer. Yeah. So are you telling me- When you go to the house, you got to wear all white. For what? You got to wear all white. Oh, no.

You know what he's doing right now, dude? He's doing a callback from a bit from the last podcast. But here's the thing, dude. This ain't like fucking the Lord of the Rings where they go back to the back. You know what I mean? So they're not going to know what's going on. You know what I mean?

You talking about all white parties with that one nigga? You know what? Go ahead, answer. Michael... The one who be having all the NBA play and shit? Yeah, yeah. Y'all be knowin' I be saying shit. Oh shit.

That wasn't even a call back. Oh how embarrassing for you. He was actually talking about an all white party with that one guy who invites all the celebrities. Look, aren't you embarrassed? Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. What is that guy's name? Diddy?

I understand what you're saying now. No, no, no, it's not Diddy. It's another guy. It's a new guy. It's a new guy. Do, do, do, do, do, do. Relax, dude. Okay, do, do. It's a new guy. It's a new guy. It's a new guy. It's a new guy. It's a new guy.

It's a new guy. It's a new guy. It's a new guy. It's a new guy. It's a new guy. It's a new guy. It's a new guy. It's a new guy.

It's a new guy. It's a new guy. It's a new guy. It's a new guy. It's a new guy. It's a new guy. It's a new guy. It's a new guy.

It's a new guy. It's a new guy. It's a new guy. It's a new guy. It's a new guy. Give me some new terminology sometimes you use. I want to learn. Soldier. What's soldier? Soldier. I call everybody soldier because now everybody got pronouns and shit. But you can't miss with soldier. True.

Right. Call anybody soldier. Even a girl. Soldier. Game member. Be anything. Yeah. Whatever somebody's arm, losing an arm that has no arm. Go soldier. Yeah, good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What if somebody's arm was losing an arm and has no arm?

Go soldier. Soldier? Yeah, yeah. Blowing up soldier. Yeah, fuck yeah. Wait, the war for real? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll lose that war.

Right. So, can I use the terminology then? Okay. Sup, soldier? Yeah, easy. Sounds good? Quick. Okay, give me another one.

Damn, I'm trying to think. An op? Yeah, you know what an op is? Wait, wait, operation? No. No. Like an op to think. An op? Yeah, you know what an op is? Wait, wait, operation? No. Like an op, like a military op? Basically. Right?

Or man? I say somebody, say- Give me the- Okay, I got you, I'm going to give you a scenario. Get good- You know I love scenarios, bro. You love scenarios. Fuck that, dude.

So you in like a neighborhood, right? Wait, wait, me in what? You in a neighborhood. I'm in a neighborhood. I'm in a neighborhood. Like you from a place. I'm a place in America. You from a place in America. Yeah, yeah, called a neighborhood.

Called a neighborhood. Okay. Yeah. And can I name the neighborhood? What you want to name it? Crimson Fleet. The Crimson Fleet neighborhood? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, the Crimson Fleet neighborhood. The Crimson Fleet neighborhood. Okay. And you, and it's another neighborhood. And you're there? I'm there too. Yeah, I'm there too. What you doing in the Crimson Fleet, dog?

We in the same neighborhood. We in the same neighborhood. Oh, that's right, that's right. Okay, okay, that's good. All right, so I'm in the Crimson Fleet neighborhood. Right, I'm hanging out. What's the scenario now? And there's another neighborhood.

Give me a name of a different neighborhood. Doughboy Canyon. Doughboy Canyon? Yeah, yeah. The Crimson Fleet neighborhood. I hate the Doughboy Canyon. Doughboy Canyon? Yeah, yeah. The Crimson Fleet neighborhood, I hate the Doughboy Canyon. Doughboy Canyon, yeah, yeah. That's the Ops. That's the Ops.

Yeah. Oh, so it's like, all right, let me try to incorporate it. Go ahead. You good, dog? I'm good, I'm good. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah.

What's up, homie? Where you from? Well, you're here with us. I ain't from your hood. Oh okay. Stained character. Stained character. Yeah. Whoa look at this homie right here. What is this? Yeah. Well dog we're at the Crimson Fleet. Where you from? We're here in Crimson Fleet dog. Yeah I ain't checking with me.

Where you from? Yeah. Yeah I know where I'm from. No what is it? From the streets. You forgot. He forgot. No, that's right. It doesn't matter. You have to remember, dude, all right? So, whoa, we're from the Crimson Fleet, bro. Hey, we're from CF, nigga. Where you from?

Yeah, yeah. CF. CF. Where you from, bro? Where you from? From the D.F. What? The D.F.

You're from the D.F. DC. No, not DC. Don't boy can't. Don't boy can't. Oh, you're from DC? You're from DC? DC. No, not DC. Dopeboy Kent. Dopeboy King. Oh, you from DC? You're from DC? Dick Chaser Clan?

Yeah. You got him! You're a face thug! Dick Chaser, dude! You suck dick, dude! Yeah, you're an opt. How do you do? How do you say it now?

Opt. What? You're from the opt? He's an opt. Oh, he's an opt. Fuck that up. Yeah, we'll figure it out. Yeah, we'll figure it out.

Yeah. How do you do? How do you say it now? Op. What? You're from the Op? He's an Op. Oh, he's an Op. Fucked it up. Yeah, we'll figure it out. He's from the Op. Yeah, good. Pretty good. He's one of the Ops.

He is an Op. He's one of the Ops. The Op is an Op. Opposition. That's what it is. It's Opp. You have to tell me that before. It's an operation. Opposition. Okay, so he's from the OP.

Why can't you just say opposition? OP sound cooler. He from the OP. He is OP. No, he is OP. He is OP. He is opposition. Yeah.

Okay, that's good. I'm learning. Thank you so much. You should shorten everything you say, he the OP. Well, why don't we shorten every word then? He? No, let's shorten every single word we're going to say. I am, are you ready?

I'll try it, right? Go ahead. Wha? How I'm ready, I'm good, go ahead. What you do? What you talking about? Now you just sound Asian. That's not Asian.

What you do? What you do day. What you do day? Your podcast, you like that? Yeah, that's it. Whoa, you got it. Give me a sentence. I just said the podcast,

shit like that. If you speed it up, the podcast, shit like that. What you do they? Oh, that's fast as hell. What you do they? Pretty fast, right? That's quite quick. Why are you squinting like that? I like it. What do you mean?

You don't like it! You're serious? I don't. You just sound like mental. Do I sound Asian? You sound a little... Yes, it's like a... Not Asian, but something else.

Something else. Like what? Something else. Like a mental deficiency. It's like a disability. A disability. Yeah. Well, you do that.

Yeah, yeah, you're right. You're a little off. It sounds a little off. A little off. Yeah, yeah. You're a little off. You're a mental deficiency. It's like a disability. A disability. Well, you do that. Yeah, yeah, you're right. You a little off. It's not you a little off. A little off.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got a helmet on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is your way of speaking, so I'm just learning. No, no, no. You said, I sound cool when I say it. Yeah. You said, like, oh, it's hard.

Hey, hey, hey, hey. You said, you said I could. When I say it's not... It don't sound that good. It doesn't sound good. It don't sound good. Well, maybe I have to put some added words in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You said, he said I could.

When I say it's not. It don't sound like. It doesn't sound good. It don't sound good. Well maybe I have to put some attitude into it, dude. You got to put some twang on it. Feel it, like get it, feel it. Yeah, well you do that.

Okay, well. That's all you can say? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It still sound Asian. Yeah, it does. Yeah, well close your eyes then, maybe. Okay, there you go, go ahead. Well you do that.

That's super Asian. Oh, okay, well. When I close my eyes, it's how you had like on maybe. Okay, go ahead. What you do there? That's super easy. When I close my eyes, it's like you have like on a... How about you try it? What you say? Holy shit, that caught me off guard. What you do there? What you do there? He's worse, right?

That's worse. That sounds legitimately something. But you just sound, you sound easy. He just sound like just straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight's worse. That sounds legitimately, that sounds legitimately something. You sound, he just sound like straight crayons. Like, it's like, ooh we got color in our bucket. You don't sound good, dude.

Give me another sentence then. Well, here's the deal, because I came up with what you do today right okay yeah so you take a sentence you take out trim some fucking letters out of it and you figure it out and see if we can fucking figure out what you're saying no don't what is that just some famous quotes if you want to try oh yeah so zoom in and zoom in yes Franklin Rudy Roosevelt or Martin Luther King try that one. The only thing we have to fear is the fear itself. Go ahead. Do a thing every day, okay. What the f- I don't think I even heard any of that.

That's how I sound. Oh man. Which one was that? Oh, he was reading a different set. Oh, you were reading, okay. The other Roosevelt. The other Roosevelt. Eleanor Roosevelt.

You're doing Eleanor Roosevelt. All right. Do one thing every day. Eleanor Roosevelt. You're doing Eleanor Roosevelt. Do one thing every day. Okay, go ahead. Say it again. That same one with Eleanor Roosevelt. Do one thing every day that scares you.

Do one thing every day that scares you. Yeah, yeah. Scares are still... The scare was still the word. Alright, I'm trying the next one. Well done is better than well said Oh, that's actually That's pretty straight Yeah, hey, what up better was it?

I can hear it now. What up better was it don't say they scared you Yeah, the one thing that that's good Yeah, you gotta pick two words, say them words very clearly, the rest of them mumble the fuck out of you. You gotta catch up, dude. Try Marlothic. There's a huge Marlothic game. That's moan. Yeah, yeah. I can't do that.

You know what? You're going to do it. So darkness cannot drive out darkness. Only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate. Only love can do that. Get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get,

get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get That's what you're gonna do it. So darkness cannot drive out darkness only light can do that He cannot drive out hate only love can do that Go ahead I'm darkness come out the door and I had a dream I have a change this I have a dream. He changed the set.

I have a dream, but it ain't even on there, dude. That's what he said, dog. Yeah, yeah. Oh, you incorporated two different Martin Luther King fucking clothes. I like that. That's genius, dude. I like that. Whoa.

That's hard. That's pretty hard, dude. That's hard. Who Mother Teresa is? You know, who do you think? I don't know, but who is? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, who do you think Mother Teresa is, dude?

I don't know. Why her name is just Mother Teresa? What? Yeah. I got so many questions about this lady. I know. Well, Mother Teresa was a, yeah, she was a nun. I didn't expect that at all.

Yeah, she's a nut. Yeah, yeah. You know what? Yeah, yeah. Is y'all a crack? Well, she's not a crack. No, there was no crack back then. You know what I'm saying?

Would you like, crack me like, would you fuck her? Oh. Wait, I've never thought about fucking Mother Teresa. Wow. Would I do it? It depending on what year. Shit, that one right there. No, I wouldn't.

Would you? Shit, four sides of Hennessy, I'm in the... Really? I have to cover that. Old white women you were into. I mean, I cracked them. Yeah, you cracked that? Yeah, yeah. Well, you know, you might probably go to white women you were into. Not me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I cracked them. Yeah, yeah, you cracked that? Yeah, yeah.

Well, you know, you might probably go to heaven if you do it. That's good. Heavenly pussy. Well, she's close to God, right? Yeah. She had to be like one of the ones. Yeah, she is, what do you mean one of the ones was? She was born in 1910.

Oh my God. Good God. Good God, and look at, she's with the Pope up there, right? Or is that Donald Trump? How? That's dope. Maggot K from, it's a Maggot K. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's go the Pope up there, right? Or is that Donald Trump? How? That's dope. I don't know. It's a MAGA cape.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's go back to the quotes, my friend. Yeah. So that, okay. Let's go down. I want to just read some of these because I've never heard some of these. Oscar Wilde. Or Oscar Wilde, or what?

It said, be yourself. Everyone else is already taken. That's a good one. Square coat. Yo, what does that mean to you? No, it says you got to be you. You know what I'm saying? Because everybody's got their own thing going on. Right.

Yeah, yeah. You get jealous? No. You don't get jealous at all? Uh-uh. My life is pretty good. Yeah, I did. Yeah, yeah. You feel like you won the lottery?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, but I have to say, and I don't want to give you compliments. I've said this thing's good to you, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. But, um But it's hard for me to say. Yeah, I'm playing on Spotify. You like launched Siri for some weird reason.

Yeah, yeah. Out of all those kids that have come out of King to Kill Tony, you have the most dynamic talent. You're like a traditional, to me it's like an exciting, you know, person like Eddie Murphy or something back in the day. I mean you have this charisma, right? And also comedy instinct on stage that's pretty fucking, at your age, defined almost, it's mature. You don't want to cry, see? And when you flaked on me, that's why I was, you don't want to cry and shit. Yeah, yeah. And when you flaked on me, that's why I was bombed.

I'm sorry. Yeah, yeah, but it's like, you know, I gave you another shot and you showed up, you know? But yeah, I really do think you have a big future. I just don't want you to, you know what I mean, party too hard, do Fentanyl or anything like that, so you can get, you know, I don't want you to die. You're not doing that shit. I got a home buddy being on the road with me. His only goal is to make sure I don't die.

Wow. Smart. That's so good. Like, hey nigga, just make sure I don't die. I mean, you can drink. I drink and shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't do too much. Man, that's... Stand up is all I do.

That's all you do. I don't do nothing else. Yeah. That's it. I mean, that's it. I don't do nothing else. I don't like nothing else. Yeah, but out of those fools that you're doing with over there at the Kiltoni, who you closest with over there? Oh, shit. What about the Chinese, Korean guy?

You like that guy? I like Hans Kim. Hans Kim, good. Hans Kim, yeah, yeah, yeah. R.M.A.D.D. was like, I look up to that nigga. He like phenomenal. R.M.A.D.D.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. That nigga's like, that's some fucking monster, bro. I feel like you and William Montgomery are opposites. Yeah, but that's the, I love him. He's your homie. Yeah. When I first met him, I thought he was like, when he started talking like this. Yeah, but I love him. He's your homie. Yeah. When I first met him, I thought he was like, when he started talking like this, oh, this

nigga really talk like this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a nice guy. The best, yeah, one of the best. Do you have meals with him ever or no? We were just chilling and shit after the show. What do you mean? We would just hang out like before the show, shit like that.

We've never shared a meal. We have. What's your favorite meal? Oh shit. For you? With you? Yeah, for you. What you like though?

What you like? I like 40, 50, 60, like that. Yeah. We've never shared a meal. We have. No. What's your favorite meal? Oh shit. For you? With you? No. Yeah, for you. What you like though?

What you like? I mean, I'm trying to figure out a place that I... Let me ask you if you like certain foods. You fuck with sushi? I just started to like sushi yesterday. Yeah. What? Yeah, yesterday. What, yesterday?

Yesterday. Was when you started fucking with sushi. I wanted to date with my lady, and then we had sushi. Yeah, what kind of sushi did you have? Oh, like raw sushi. Real sushi. Wait, wait, wait. Oh, hold on, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.

It's all raw. No, no, no. No, it's not. It's not all raw. California roll. There's a lot of baked rolls. Yeah, there's some baked rolls, yeah. The good stuff is raw.

Yeah, the good stuff is raw. Is you're willing to take the step that this fucker won't. I'm not gonna hoesie though. This is what I realized about sushi. It's all pieced together real nice. You know what I'm saying? Layers. It's layers.

Every bite got like a little, like one of them was like a citrus something, but it had like salmon on top. And I thought that was going to be nasty, but it had like a little bit of a lemon. You could taste the lemon with the itch. They know what they're doing. I will tell you, it's backwards as fuck, dude. What? I was talking to my lady about it, it offended me because we had hot sake.

Hot sake, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I ain't like it because it's like, what you want? We going to have like cold fish and like hot liquor? It's crazy. It's crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But did crazy. It's crazy. It's strange. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But did you eat everything?

Yeah. Yeah. What are you willing to eat? Whatever. If I said, yo man, I got some sauteed butterflies. I don't know, you ever try sauteed butterflies? No, no, I'm just saying, I'm just willing. What are you, are you willing to try anything?

Nah, I ain't gonna eat no bull dick. Butterflies to bull dick? Nah, I ain't gonna eat no bull dick. What? What? Waterflies to bull dick? I just thought about anything. Yeah, yeah. Oh, you probably won't eat any dick. Nah, I don't. Are you sure?

Positive. Would you eat vagina? Yes. So if I had like blue whale vagina, that's a lot of meat. A lot of meat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Probably taste a little. Yeah, you think it tastes good? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Probably taste a little. Yeah. You think it tastes good?

Eating that motherfucker right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Put some Old Bay on it. Yeah. You probably eat the fucking clit raw, huh? Yeah, if I can find it. Oh, you can find blue whale clit. Hopefully.

Right? Don't you think that's big? Yeah, I'm going to look it up. Yeah, yeah. See if we can find the blue whale clit. They got hard. That's hard, dude. I don't even know if they... Do they have vaginas?

This is literally an article. I don't know if it's... No way. No way, dude. I don't even know if, do they have vaginas? This is literally an article, I don't know if it's- No way. No way, dude. I don't know if they have a picture, but- How is that? There's gotta be a photo. But you know what? Whales have a penis bone. An actual bone, like you know how you guys have like just blood flow to support an erection?

Yeah, yeah. They actually have a fucking dick bone. Wow. There's no photos, but they do say it's the most impressive clitoris. There's no photo of a whale clit. Wait, talk about. Don't be upset. There's no photos of the most impressive clitoris in Anwa, okay? That's crazy. That's crazy. If you don't call it the most impressive, you need to have a pizza in there. Yeah, I know what they're trying to do. They're trying to get

us to go out there. And go find it. Yeah. I think that's what you and I should do like a Moby Dick but Moby Clit. Bobby Lee, Cam Patterson, star in Moby Clit. That'd be hard dude right? Yeah. And you and I are who's Captain Ahab? You think I've seen the movie? It's a book. You think I read the book? No you've never read the book? You've never heard of Captain Ahab? Uh-uh. Tell me anything about Moby Dick. I know the name. Yeah, yeah. I don't even know much. You know much, George? Let me see if I can get it.

Okay. Captain Ahab was wronged by a whale. Yeah. He either ate his crew or ate his boat or something like that. He was wronged by a whale, and his whole life is now to kill this whale. Is that...

Yeah, you got to harpoon it to eat it. But what did the whale do to Moby Dick? I actually don't know. What am I asking you then? Who is the nigga on the left? How is he involved in any form of food? Oh, I know what that is. That's the whale clit.

That'll be. Let me cut that part out. We gotta keep it in. We gotta keep it in. Let me cut that part out. Gregory Peck. Yeah, Gregory Peck. I almost thought that bitch said Dick Gregory.

You talking about the guy on the tattoos? Who that is? I don't know who that is. He's apparently like someone indigenous. Yeah, indigenous. I never read the book. I don't know who that is. I don't know who that is. I don't know who about the guy on the tattoos? Who that is? Who that is?

I don't know who that is. It's probably like someone indigenous. Yeah, indigenous. I never read the book either. Yeah, yeah. Oh, that's, dude, that's Patrick Stewart. That's Patrick Stewart. Yeah, it says right there.

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Yes. Yeah. Has to, right? Well, you think he's a little fucking human dick? I don't know, but I'd be pretty sad if I go back to being myself and I'm like, oh fuck. Oh man. I never thought about that. Right?

When you be sad? Or you can just get your dick angry. You focus on your dick. You're this green hog. Yeah. But the color. But when your dick is that big, what can you do with it? What can you fuck?

Like nothing. It's not going to feel good. You can just like, oh, oh, what? Well. You know, you're a thinker, Dad. Well, you on top of it, what? You on top of it, what? You're a fucking thinker, Dad. Oh, well, huh?

Well, click, you can find it. You can find it, right. So if you had a Hulk dick, you'd be just out there in the ocean. I'll be the Red Hulk. Oh yeah, tell me, explain, do you know about the Red Hulk? What's the difference? Yeah yeah what's the difference because Harrison Ford is now the Red Hulk no? Yeah he was right. Oh that's the white guy. Yeah yeah but what do you know about the Red Hulk? I think he's like stronger than the Green Hulk no? I don't know much about it you're the

one that brought it up. Oh it's because I saw him in the trailer. Okay good. Is new? What about Shiho? Ohhhh Shiho. You think they crack at each other? That is true. But they would have to get together at the same time. Yeah. That's his cousin? Yeah.

Oh for real? Wow. I don't know, I don't know man. I don't know the family relations. So this is for top 10 superheroes and villains that have probably the largest penises. Oh cool, this is great. So let's guess, let's guess. Mr. Fantastic. Okay, you know what his power is right? He can stretch. He stretches. So let's guess let's guess. Mr. Fantastic.

Okay Mr. you know what his power is right? He stretches. See that's probably the best power I have. I hate going back to that. Let's guess don't go down. I want to guess who has the biggest dicks in you know okay so we would have to go with. Why you not number one though? Who? The guy bigger than the planet. Yeah, the guy bigger than the planet. This the guy who we hate? Yeah, he should be number one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's crazy.

Yeah, that's crazy. So I think Juggernaut. Juggernaut? Yeah, I know what you're talking about. Maybe has a big dick, right? Let's throw some other. Hulk, we were, Hulk already said. Giant Man.

Oh. What's Giant Man? When Ant-Man broke. Oh, that's right. Yeah, okay, so Giant Man's a goodMan and Broke. Oh, that's right. Yeah, okay. So Giant Man's a good one. Wolverine.

No, you think he has a big dick? Probably. He's 5'11". Or Hugh Jackman. No, he's like Hugh Jackman. Yeah, yeah. I don't know. I don't think Wolverine.

I don't know too many more X-Men. No, just any superhero. Okay. Right, this is any superhero? Yeah, any superhero. Right, right. Any franchise. Any franchise, any superhero.

Batman. No, I don't think Batman. He's just a regular guy. He's just a regular asshole. He's an asshole. He's a white dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He has Tony Hinscloff's penis. Regular.

Okay, anyway, let's see the list then. I can't think of any. Oh, this is hilarious. That's funny. Luke Cage has no power. He's just good at martial arts. It's just a black guy. Oh my God.

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so then. I can't think of any. Oh, this is hilarious. That's funny. Luke Cage has no power. He's just good at martial arts. It's just a black guy. Oh my God. I never thought of it. Then Blade. Yeah, it's just a black...

Bishop. Black Panther. Black Panther. Bishop. Black Panther. Bishop. That's funny. Yeah, Bishop. What the... A fire hydrant.

What the fuck is a fire hydrant doing that? Oh wow. No It's cuz Bruce Wayne's a playboy. So that's why they okay. Okay. Keep going. Keep going. That's bullshit Superman. No, dude Captain America. No, dude. That makes sense. Yeah, they're giant man. There you go, dude Or maybe Nordic your son of a guy. Yeah. Yeah. What what is that? Mr. Hyde from the League of Extraordinary oh I see Wow Wow okay yeah well that's all the thing I love how Luke H they probably like her people that's crazy let's go around the table I went hi May look go down real quick okay it looks like that. Wait, this thing might look like a 500 Oh, that's what they say, Luke Cage. Oh Luke Cage. Okay, so

So I'm gonna go down the line Jaime if you're a superhero, I'll give you three powers that you can have. Okay. All right, and then one disability Like your kryptonite. Okay. So what are your three powers? Stretch you would like to stretch stretch yeah what's that which you probably have never done in your real life okay yeah you want to stretch like stretch like that or stretch like trying to lose it oh you would be invisible stretch be invisible what else Flight flight yeah, these are all traits for being a peeping Tom or something Yeah, I feel like you're gonna do something

Yeah, what's your kryptonite here? A bomb. No, you should come up with your kryptonite. A bomb? Yeah. You know what his kryptonite is? Pussy. Yeah. You can't get him.

You can't get him. Use your power, but you can't get pussy. Right? Every time you get pussy, you lose your power for two years. Yeah, for two years. Whoa. That's a good one. Yeah, it's a big car.

Yeah, yeah. So you can't- Which is never, so. Damn. Which is Yeah. Yeah. So you can never so Which is never what what's his name? I never get any so you don't ever get any I probably just like just kill everybody just like fly up during in cell fly up and spell and stretch Oh, yeah, right, right So like that's fucked up to your kind of your villain and you're gonna do it invisible to nobody No, you do it. What were you Kaila easy? Okay, go villain. And you're going to do it invisible too, nobody knows you're doing it. What about you, Kaleila? Easy.

Okay, go ahead. So I always wanted to be Mystique, so I wanted to shape shift. Smart. That's a great one. And then I want to time travel, and I want forever breath hold underwater. It's like Aquaman. Yeah. Wow.

But those are my three powers. So time travel. Time travel. Where would you go? Shape shift. Oh, back and forth, back and forth. Okay. All day long. But then don't fuck up the timeline. Time travel. Where would you go? Time travel. Shape shift. Oh, back and forth, back and forth. All day long.

But then don't fuck up the timeline. I won't. I mean, you know, what are the rules about the timeline? We don't know. Oh, that's true. Yeah. What is those rules? Anyway, let's go to Cam.

What, bro? Come on. Let me see. I, uh... Super speed. All right, flash. Super, like the flash. Fast.

Uh-huh. I want to be like strong as shit. So like Superman strong? Yeah. How strong? Like, I could lift like four elephants, one pinky. Oh. Yeah.

Like super light. Yeah, like Barnum and Bailey. Super strong. Can you see him like that? But not even like, not even like, just like. Oh, like just Like super light. Yeah, like Barnum and Bailey. Like super scrim. Did you see him like that? But not even like, not even like, just like. Oh, like just, right. Let me ask you about this theory though, because I rewatched all the Superman movies, and I saw a scene where Superman is holding hands with Lois Lane, right? He has to be, he has to be so mindful about being so light.

Like for instance, if you, can I hold your hand for a sec? Thanks, come on. No, just bring it up like this, right? Superman would have to do this. Yo, you gon' break that. Constantly. When they fuck, right?

He has to, right? That's tough. Because he's so strong, he has to be really mindful about, you know what I mean? Because if he goes, you know. He'll kill her. He'll kill her, right?

So do you want that strength? Yes. Okay. I'll be mindful. You'll be mindful. I think that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Be a model, I can't really.

Yeah, you can't thrust hard. You gotta be slow strokes. Yeah. Yeah, gentle slow strokes. I do that all. Right, right. What's your grip tonight? No, that's one, so you have, the power is,

he has three. So he wants to what? You want that's one. So you have the power is he has three. So he wants to what you want to be strong. Yeah, fast. You want to be fast. What else? I fly. Flying is cool.

Oh, flying is cool. Yeah, flying is cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, good. You're kryptonite. Let's see what you're. White women. White women.

Yeah. That's irregular. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You brought up white women a lot lately. Yeah. And is that something you fuck with? When I die, I want to go to snow bunny, snow bunny. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean before you did comedy, were you hooking up with whites? Nah, really. Yeah, yeah. And now there's options that are open. Yeah. You know, I have to say this, because I've done some whites myself. What's up, dawg? Come on, huh? Yeah, yeah. Oh, you a player? No say this because I've done some whites myself. What's up dog? Yeah. Yeah. Oh you player?

No, you know if I wanna wipe it. No, I haven't. Are you being real? Yeah. Okay. Black vid? Yeah, one time. One time. Mostly Hispanic. Mostly Hispanic. Yeah. Yeah. Same thing. Yeah, I don't want to talk about this white because if I really say what I really want to say, I think it'll rub the people the wrong way. Try it and then we'll... We're going to try it? Try it. Okay.

We with you, man. It's in... There's just a little bit more excitement. See? It rubbed the wrong way. No, no, no. No, I'm happy to do. There's just a little bit of like, oh,

when I'm with a white girl. Because for so long, why are you looking at me? Because in your head, you just never really had them, right? Yes. That was like for the Asian guy back then, the white woman was the prize, right? Well, no, because Asian chicks always went to the white dude. Because they were always fetishized and exotic or whatever, right? because. Well, know what, because Asian chicks always went to the white dude. Yeah.

Because they were always like, you know, fetishized and exotic or whatever, right? And then it's like, and then the whites never gave us their women, right? So we were left with nothing. It was a bad negotiation. I'll be honest with you, right? Yeah.

Yeah, and then as time went on, I was just like, oh, I have access to all kinds of people. I, you know, I would marry, you know, anybody. Let's go to Cam. You see a white dude dating a black woman. Candace Owens. Yeah, how do you feel about Candace Owens? Good enough. Oh, you don't know Candace Owens? She's sort of like a right wing black woman. She's very pretty. Let me see. Yeah, yeah. Candace Owens is very pretty. But she's- She's a of like a right wing black woman. She's very pretty. Let me see.

Yeah, yeah. Candice was very pretty. But she's- She's the white guy though? Married black. Married white guy? Yeah, yeah. She's very Republican.

She's like a spokesperson. She's very pretty. And I think she's bright as fuck. I don't have a problem with that. My brother hated, dude. What? Oh, she look good. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She got a chin on though. This is when she was pregnant though, I think. Yeah. She looks great. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She got a chin on though. This is when she's pregnant though I think. Yeah, she looks great. Yeah, she's beautiful. She look good. Your husband looks like a little American. That doesn't bother you though. No, not me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not me personally. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. I'm pro, you know what I'm saying? What? I'm pro like. You're pro what?

I say I fuck white women a lot, but I love black women 100%. Yeah, yeah. You know what I'm saying? I do too. You feel me? Yeah, I feel you dude. I feel you so much right now. I never said my powers. Yeah.

All right. And I'm going to try to come up with stuff that's original. You guys are all fucking with stretching and all that kind of stuff, right? So my thing is controlling insects. It's a great one. You mean like Ant-Man? No,. That's a great one. You mean like Ant-Man? No, this is actually a great one

because like insects like by numbers rule the world. Yeah, so I can summon every single insect in a heartbeat. And a lot of them are poisonous too. A lot of them are poisonous. Also every cockroach, every ant, every fly, every bee, right? Every actually kind of like underwater too, like lobster and crustaceans. So every cockroach, every ant, every fly, every bee, right? Every, actually kind of like underwater too, like lobster and crustacean. All that shit, right?

All that shit. Yeah, and I can make them form into. With beetles, you can kill, you can wipe out whole population. Exactly, dude. That's fire, you a villain. Yeah, I'm a villain, dude. So I go, hundakala, whatever my thing is.

Dude. I don't know what it is. Hundakala. I don't know, let me come up with a, whatever my thing is. Yeah. I don't know what it is. Hundakala. I don't know, let me come up with a, shusundada. Yeah. No, no, I don't like that line. Baptists, Baptists. What the fuck were you doing?

Yeah. I don't know. You just became Haitians. Yeah. I was like, you're just being Creole. That was Creole. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just say insects, maybe.

Yeah, insects. Yeah, yeah, yeah, insects, a line or whatever or whatever right and so then I can form them into human beings Oh a bodies right so like you know all the ants and whatever they all get together and they call you know Gather together and they become like you wouldn't even need to do that. Well, that's what I want to do That's my power right? Well, what what what because you could take like any old poisonous insect and then have them get up, you know, like crawl onto your enemy without ever being detected because they're so small and then kill them that way. Why would you want to be seen?

Well, I'm not the guy. I know big... No, I'm just saying if you create a human made out of insects, he's visible. The thing when you control insects is good because you can't see him coming. Alright, so I'm sitting there in the middle of the street Yeah, I'm standing there in the middle of the fucking street, right? Yeah, and some guys I will sub dog, right? And I'm like insect insect right and there's like slowly climbing up his arm or leg Just one all you need is one most poisonous insect. What poisonous insects are in LA a lot Okay, well then I don't know that.

I mean there's just so many insects just all over the world. Wow. Let them know what that is. Yeah, that kind of stuff. That's fake. That's CGI, bro. No. Can I go to my powers now?

Is that my first power? That's a great one. I'm so jealous. That's a great one. Thank you. Here's one that you never even thought of, right? Can we be okay? That's AI, bro.

Nah, man. that's weird. If I saw it in their mouths, I'd blow my house up. I also have poisonous anal rings that continue to regenerate. Okay, that's strange. So the only way to activate them is to get fucked? No. So what happens is my anal ring, I have a little ring around my anus Oh, it's not just wait. It's

Can I explain? Yeah, okay. What's wrong? Yeah. Yeah. Well, right and I can keep I can pull one out It'll reform of your way of my ring not my act inside the hole Okay, and I could throw them like gambit. Oh the hole okay and I could throw them like gambit oh like gambit like gambit but you're saying that the ring is part of your asshole meat and you just pull it out it regenerates and and it's poisonous and it's also sharp and you could like what it's like a Chinese star yeah yeah yeah why can't it just be like from your arm why does it come in your butt yeah it feels good yeah it does feel good thank you see you and I are, I have a lot of things.

It's a pleasure. Maybe that's not a good one. No, let's keep it. Oh, really? Let's stick it. Oh, let's keep it. Okay, well I'm just gonna come up with ones that are like completely, right?

Insect, insects! Hell, I just. That's fucking weird. Right, it's unpredictable. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's going on here, man? My insect guy could also, you know what I mean, I could shoot him out to his hand and he could throw the fucking rings too. Yeah.

Yeah. No? Yeah. Yeah. First one was great. Second one was like, oh this nigga is crazy. Okay. Then here's my third one.

And this is pretty standard, but I would always wanted to control People's behavior and what they say Because I was I've always like I want like like like a presidential debate or like a puppeteer Yeah, where I could just make Trump say or Kamala say something how many seconds though? How many seconds five seconds? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah There's something that nuts like you know what I mean? I think Native children should be euthanized. Right? And then they're aware of what they said,

but they're in a debate in front of national TV. So you want to topple government. Yeah, we'll topple government. And you and I, I'm like, what the fuck? We're watching it. What the fuck, man? But the world is like, what did she just say? Yeah, what did she just say?

We could do it vice versa. Yeah, I mean, that's a pretty good power. That's not a bad power. Yeah, yeah. That's not a bad power. Because you can, especially in like cancel culture, you could take anyone down. Oh dude.

Fuck with me, dude? Oh my God, dude. You a villain. No, I said a villain. We are superheroes. Yeah, you're a villain. Oh, I'm a villain. How will we kill you?

What's your kryptonite? Oh, what's your kryptonite oh what's my kryptonite he also a villain yeah oh yeah no no you are no you know you together against you what I'm not with you I'm sorry fuck you dude you're with me I don't want to team up with insane why I'm the other team all right all right you down all We'll take you down. We'll go for the power squad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, you guys are the power squad? All right. You're stretching and shit? Yeah.

You're just like, ah, my back. Hey, you know, I don't want to be with guys with fishers. All right, all right. I'm going to jump on board. What? I'm going to be a villain with you. That's what I'm talking about. I like your power.

You like my power. I think we beat Todd. Yeah, yeah. And we haven't even talked about what we're wearing. My costume? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just a blue stretchy suit. Is that right? Yeah. You like my power. You like my power. I think we beat Todd. Yeah, yeah. And we haven't even talked about what we're wearing.

My costume? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just a blue stretchy suit. Oh, just like the fucking Fantastic Four. Okay. It's all the same powers too. Stretching, translucent, flying, Johnny Storm. All the same powers.

What's your kryptonite? What? Oh yeah, what's my kryptonite? I know, carbohydrates. So you're on keto constantly? Yeah, I'm constantly on keto. I love bread and rice. So how we change?

That's the only thing I can be too- Grow pasta. But you have to eat it. He has cravings though. We have cravings, right? So you- You could lie too. Say this is like, you know what I mean, gluten free. Right. And

I go gluten free pizza. Yeah. And I eat it and you're in the bushes. You know what I mean? We got them. Yeah. You got them. You know what I mean? So I had to be careful. You're easy to kill then. Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. No. Well, you could be my reminder.

Yeah. Right. Anyway, I think you should, you should be do do. Do do? Yeah. Do do man. Do do man. That's not hard. Do do man. Yeah. You should be Something.oo. Doodoo? Yeah, yeah. Doodoo man. That sounds hard. Doodoo man.

Yeah, you should be... Something. No, I know. The Peeping Tom. No, Freeholy. Freeholy? Nothing to do with this power. I'll take that.

But Hispanic, I think it makes sense. And yours? What? You name me. What do you think? Ant Booty Man. Ant Booty Man. Ant Booty Man. Yeah. That's very good. Not Ant Storytaken. Well, man. Ant booty man.

Yeah. That's very good. Not ant story taken. Well, insect booty man. Yeah, insect booty man. Okay. I got one for him. Yeah, go ahead.

Anal fissures. Oh, those hurt. Anal fissures? You've had one? No. How do you know about them? The office. Oh, okay.

Oh, the office, the show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kevin has them. Yeah. Have you ever Kevin has him. Yeah Have you ever have you ever came? Have you ever seen your own butthole? No Whoa, yeah me either. Oh, I took a photo. You took a photo. Yeah, miss Pat senior bottle. Yeah miss Patsy my bottle That's great. Why over there? I showed to her. Okay. Was he I'm okay Okay, that's rude No, I'm not, no, no, no, stop, stop. You want some ass? I'm like, I'm good.

Like, nigga, that's rude. No, I'm not saying you, no. Fuck, what the fuck did I do? It's like showing the assholes. They do. It's like, it's like licking my booty. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But my wasn't like, I didn't go, would you like to, I just said, would you like to, it's

not sexual is what I'm saying. What you saying? Right, I go, in a scientific way, and as a friendship way, a bonding. I tell you something? No, no, no, I'm not sexual is what I'm saying. Right. I go in a scientific way and as a friendship way of bonding. I'll tell you something. No, I'm not done. Okay. I'm not a doctor. I know you're not a doctor. I know you're not a doctor, right?

But I'm just saying as a friendship thing, right? Do you love me? Right now, yeah, I love you. What? Yeah. LA. He said yeah, LA. Yeah, yeah, LA, right? You like me as an LA friend. I like you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I love you. LA. He said, yeah, LA. Yeah, yeah, LA, right?

I like you. You like me as an LA friend. I like you, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I love you. I like you as well. What's up, man? I like you too, right?

And as a friend, I'm not going to show it to you, so don't get scared. I feel like you're scared. I'm not scared. Right. I'm a little scared. Okay, I don't think you're scared. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're confident.

But if, like, what would be the worst thing that happened if I went, hey look, take a look. Back on the wall, you show me your asshole. That's true. That's ultimately the question. See? Yeah, yeah. I think girls, like we see our assholes pretty early on because we have to either like shave or wax or if we want to. But it's weird that like guys don't ever see theirs.

See asshole fool? No. What'd you say? No. What's you say? No. What's your prediction? Just a butt hole. Well, I have to say that mine has no, there's no sprinkles on it.

You can barely see the opening. Am I not right? When we saw it? Yeah, it's a pretty tight one. It's a pretty tight one. And it's functioning, you know what I mean? A-okay, in my opinion. You know what's functioning, you know, I mean a okay in my opinion I used to shoot at people

And I was on the pocket like my butthole pretty cool Drastic Level do you're at a different level dude changed? Yeah. Yeah, it's chance. When do you know be on an island? Good chance. Yeah. Yeah, it was gonna be great. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah day you and I will be on an island. Good change. Yeah, yeah. It was going to be great. It'll be fun. Yeah, yeah. Have you been on an island?

I've been to Hawaii. You had fun? It was a good time. You did show there? Yeah, Hawaiian girl called me an a** a couple of times. So spam. Party? Who did?

It was a Hawaiian girl. Yeah. I was just chilling with her. She got drugs, started causing it. But it was funny because she was still trying to fuck us. It was very confusing. It was very confusing. Yeah, very confusing. I was very confused.

Did you hook? No, I couldn't do it. You couldn't do it, yeah. What's the context? Why did she come? I don't even remember. She just kept like, ooh, drugs, I said, she kept, I was like, I don't know. I was still trying to fuck, I was like, I don't know.

I truly don't know. You didn't know. Yeah. Wow. I kind of still wanted to,? I don't know. I truly don't know. You didn't know? Yeah. Wow. I kind of still wanted to, but I was in a weird spot. Was she hot?

She was all right. Yeah, yeah. She was solid though. What do you mean, like thick? But she wasn't fat. She was... Oh. Like... Oh yeah.

Yeah. Like you like thick? I like fat asses. I like flat asses. You do? Yeah. That's strange. Yeah, it's a strange thing. I never heard that before.

Well, you've heard it for the first time here. I like flat asses. That's crazy. Yeah, what? Yeah, let it sit, let it sit. Well, yeah, let it sit, dude. And let's explore it. Okay. Like flat, flat? Yeah. Like not even a sit. Yeah, let it sit, dude. And let's explore it. Okay.

Like flat, flat? Yeah. Like not even a little. Like bones? Like yeah, like bones? Not even bone. What you like? Just like nothing there.

See? Yeah, yeah. So like that kind where she was... Yeah, that's my thing. Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so I like to, when I go back there and touch it, I like to feel like air, nothing. You know what I mean?

It's like a mime. Does it make your make your dick feel bigger? No, I just like it I mean if they have a booty I'm fine with it, too It's not like I'm like, you know what? Yeah, I like this. I like this move. I go opposite Yeah, cuz I mean every I'm glad there's somebody, you know who likes that. Yeah somebody who likes that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, because I mean there's some people, anatomically, they can't choose what ass

they're born with. They can get a BBL. What's a BBL? BBL Jersey. A butt lift. Yeah, a butt lift. A butt lift. I want a little ass.

A little ass is fine, not completely flat. I want a little skin and a little shoot out, you know what I mean? I don't like just the big ass is what I'm saying, which you probably like. I like medium to like, I like a bubble butt for real though. A bubble butt, yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel what you're saying. So you like the jiggle, like jello. Yeah, the jiggle fire.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, the jiggle fire. And you're okay with BBLs? Not really, but I don't care though. Yeah. But I can't tell I don't care. I don't like girls that got BBLs, Not really, but I don't care though. Yeah. But I can't tell I don't care. I don't like girls that got BBLs, you can't say like, they thighs don't match.

When it's really skinny and they're, yeah. That blew my mind, I'm like, you're a daughter, I hate you. And like a chicken leg? Yeah, that's crazy. Oh, that's crazy. But like, if it had done right, BBL, I'm all down, I'm all for it. You ever seen a botched BBL? Yeah.

Yeah, how do they botch it? I don't know, I had one, like, not too long ago, man. You ever seen a botched BBL? Yeah. How did they botch it? I don't know. I had one not too long ago, man. You were with a girl that had a botched BBL? Was it Lonson the Buddha? Yeah. Did it feel weird?

It felt weird. It's probably injected in all the wrong ways. They have to take the fat from parts of your body and then put it in the botch, right? Yeah. And so it was probably not put on right. Sometimes there sometimes with it would they leave like a spatula not spatula but like with spatula what no i'm not a spatula but like no no no they meet like you they just leave like accidentally in a surgical way that happens with all surgeries they leave something in there like a gauze and they get sued yeah oh wow yeah just with b Just with BBLs. Because BBLs are just liposuction

and then they inject. What do you mean like when they over you out and people leave stuff? Like a surgeon will leave like a ring will slip off and there's like there's a ring inside the body. No they'll leave actual like surgical tools. Surgical tools and stuff. Yeah. I know. It happens. Yeah. You okay man? I just, I just, I just couldn't imagine. Yeah yeah. Did you do the Madison Square Garden date? Yeah. How many of them? Both of them.

Tell me about the Madison Square. Tell me about it. It was fun. One minute though, it was just like, okay, cool. But I did spots out there and that was pretty fun. I mean, imagine you're at Madison Square Garden. It's sold out, right? Who else is on stage?

Tony Henscliffe, Shane Gillis, Joe Rogan was there, Red Band. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. And now you're going up doing stand up in front of how many people? 15,000? Probably 15. Yeah, yeah.

15,000 people. And how are you feeling on there? I was ready. You feel ready? Yeah, I mean, I thought- Are you aware of what is really going on? You're 25 fucking years old, right? Yeah. How long you been in stand-up? Three years.

Three years into stand-up comedy, and you're performing in front of 15,000 people. Are you fucking aware of what's going on? Yes, it's crazy. It's crazy, right? Yeah. And then when you're on stage, are you going to be like, oh, I'm. Are you fucking aware of what's going on? Yes, it's crazy. It's crazy, right? Yeah. And then when you're on stage,

are you going, holy shit, or are you just focused on, I mean, I've done it. I'm just focused. Yeah, I've done it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, with me, because I mean, it's all the work you, I mean, I don't miss a day for a reason. I'm trying to miss days for a reason,

because I don't want to be ready for moments like that. Mm. You feel what I'm saying? Yeah. I remember the shit that, yeah, a year and a half ago, and, I was riding a bike to work, standing in front of my cousin. So it's like, to be here, it's like all the work is for something. Wow. Incredible, dude. And a year and a half ago when you were riding your bike to work, were you doing stand up?

Yeah, every night. Yeah, every night. That's incredible. It was in Texas? Orlando. Orlando, Florida. That's fucking incredible. And then when you finish, do you know if you do good or bad?

Yeah. Okay, good. Most of my sets I do on Ketone, I don't like them too much. The jokes never finish. You know what I'm saying? Oh, you mean those three minute spots? No, the one minute spot. The one minute spot.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those are hard. Most of the time, the joke's not done. I got to give it, it's like a small little part I was working on for the week and it's like maybe it's a little ready but not really. Yeah. So most of the time I'm just like, I have to. You know what's funny?

I learned something from you because I saw you in, I don't know where it was, maybe in Austin or something, and you did a minute, and the joke wasn't fully realized, but you're so likable and you're so committed to your joke, it doesn't even fucking matter. It doesn't matter. But when you're doing the Madison Square Garden, you do what, 10, 15 minutes? No, just one minute. Even Madison Square Garden, you do one minute.

Yeah, just one minute. I imagine doing one minute at Madison Square Garden. Holy shit. What's the longest time you've done in front of the biggest crowd? I went on a roll with Burt and I did a 15 in Arena Wham. Oh, Christ, sure. Those gigs are so fun. It was so much fun.

Oh my God, those gigs are so fun. Yeah, it was so much fun. And there's just so much love in that audience. Yeah. You know, I want you to really just kind of pinch yourself. I'm just... Was it fly? No, I don't know.

It was a fly. Is it? Okay, okay, I don't know. It's a fly. Is it? Okay, okay. I didn't really see it, you know what I mean? But I felt wind. Well, you're the insect king. Oh, that's right. They're coming for you. Maybe it's starting, you know what I mean?

But I mean the anal shit coming too, nigga. No, no, bro, you're never gonna see my anal, dude. No, I'm saying, but I mean the ring on the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, you're never going to see my anal, dude. Know what I'm saying? But I mean the ring on the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, you're not single, right? No.

But if you were single and I was single, you think we can go out in town together? No, probably not. You like the anal? No, wait, stop, stop. Why? What you mean? No, what I'm... What do you mean? What do you think I meant?

What you... Oh, get with me? No, what the fuck did you think I meant? What do you think I mean? When I was with you. Oh, okay, okay. When I was with you. What do you mean? What do you think I meant? What you all get to get with me? No, what the fuck did you think I meant? What do you think I mean? An Alka-Fu.

An Alka-Fu. An Alka-Fu. Okay, okay, I think this is what you took it as. Yeah. Right? That you and I would go out and be a couple. Okay. That's what I thought too.

Can I tell you why I thought that? Because 42 minutes ago you were like, hey me, you and Steve Ioko are going to go to a fucking club with fucking body oil and shit. I'm like, wait a minute. First of all, don't call and Steve Ioko gonna go to a fucking club with Wait a minute, first of all, don't come Steve Ioko Yeah, Steve Ioki Ioki. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but that wasn't even a gay thing either It was just like would you like to go to a private dance club with me and you and Steve Ioki? Okay, okay fine, that's how you interpret it. Okay. All right.

What I was asking you before is, like, would you and I, even though I'm 30 years older than you, right? Yeah. Would you, and we're both single, you want to go out into the town and mix it up, dude? Oh yeah, I could do that. Yeah. All right, we go to the Abbey. Yeah.

All right? That's a good club. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a gay club. What the fuck going on here? We start our night at the Abbey! Why we start at a good club. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a gay club. What the fuck going on here? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what we're gonna be wearing. That's what we're gonna be wearing. We're gonna be all denim, but the shirts open, right? Yeah, Moby Clit. Yeah, Moby Clit, dude.

That's our group, dude. Oh, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We started with the Abbey. You coming? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you mean? He's gonna be dancing there.

Okay. Yeah, you're dancing at the Abbey, dude. You wanna come with us on this night? I guess. Yeah, yeah. So, what do you mean? I guess. You don't wanna come with us? Yeah,? I guess. Yeah, yeah. So what do you mean? I guess.

You wanna come with us? Yeah, yeah, you're coming. So this is what we're gonna do, okay? You call me and let me know you're single. Yeah. I'll go, all right, where you at, right? I'll pick you up in my car. Yeah.

You know what I mean? You're gonna be at the hotel, I'll pick you up there. Okay. We'll start our night at the Abbey. Two, three hours. Two, three hours? Nah. We gotta get our chops going.

Whoa, that's a long time getting them chops going. Too much? Yeah, you only have till 2 going. Whoa, that's a long time getting them chops going. Too much? Yeah, you only have until 2 a.m. Time's ticking. Okay. But that's how we get there. What? That's how we get there.

Are we getting dinner before? Yeah, we pre-game and we just go straight to the abbey. Oh yeah, you're right, we have to eat. All right, we'll go to Bossanova. Okay, I like Bossanova. Yeah, we'll get fried steaks or something like that. Yeah. So we go to the abbey and then our next, my plan is we're going to go to the Beverly Spa on Beverly.

Did it get gay? I don't know, I'm not from there. You went from a gay club to now an intimate setting at a spa? No, you have to get naked at the spa. You don't want to steam it out with me? I'm all right. It's not gay, dude. What's a cool club? That's later.

We're going to the gay club, dinner, a new spa, and then we're going to the... We're going to the... Cake club. Cake club. We're going to... A new spa. A new spa. And then we're going to the cool club. Okay, the Beverly Spa, right, is a spa, I think on Thursday, or Beverly, right? And it's like we get naked, we go to the dry sauna, right?

Don't mind what's going on around us. You don't mind what's going on around us, right? Because that's their, it's America. They do what they do. They do what they do. They do what they do. Right? We do what we do do. Okay.

Right? What we do do is going to be just steaming it out, dawg. Right? Steaming it out. Yeah, and we'll have conversations. Like, we'll be naked. I won't look down, I promise. All right, how we going to talk? What? At the club. The club will good. The club will fire. Yeah, we're on naked, I won't look down, I promise. All right, how we gonna talk? What? At the club, the club will be good, the club will fire. Yeah, we're on the spot now, right? Yeah.

Yeah, the club is going to be fired, dude. Yeah. It's going to be good. When we going to leave, though? What do you mean, dude? We just got here, dawg. I know, when we going to leave, dude. I know.

Bro, we're going to leave in a second, dude. I just got to fucking... You good? I'm busy that night, I can't go. See, I think I might be busy too though you feel me? all right okay look I mean that fuck you dude what do you think Kalai? sound pretty I'll go. Yo you'll come too okay and then that night we'll go to a regular club but time's passed. Back to the Abbey. Back to the Abbey. Duh. I don't know to the Abbey. Back to the Abbey. Duh.

I don't know what clubs to go to. Yeah, tell me what clubs you know of. The last club I went to was Joseph's. I don't know what that is. There used to be a club called Joseph's on Monday night. And I knew the doorman Andrew and it was like a big Hollywood hot spot. I used to go there. And dance.

You used to dance? Yeah, yeah. Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun Yeah, cause I put my hands up. Yeah. What am I doing here, dude? Look at my hands. What am I doing? Raising the roof. Right? What am I doing? Raising the roof, bro. Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun Welcome to the Abbey!

Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun Right? Welcome to the Abbey! Hey John! Hey Kim! He's my friend John! Are you sucking that man's dick right now, brother? Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, yeah, yeah. It'll be fun, though. Alright. Hold on.

I'm drooling, my God. You're living in Austin now? Yeah. Are you having fun here? I like it. It's interesting. It's strange, please. What do you mean? What do you mean? This is cool. LA's just strange.

Oh, you think LA's strange? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's strange. What? That's strange. Do you go clubbing here, Hymen? Um...

It just happened. What just happened? Bro. You're fucking strange. I don go clubbing here, Hymen? What just happened? What just happened? Bro, bro. You're fucking strange. I don't go to clubs like that. No, no. What you just did there. Oh, OK.

We're talking about what happened. What you just did there, what, dude? Was fucking strange. Oh, yeah. OK. What? OK, my bad. I thought it was cool, niggas. I like, we're not going to really have, we're not going to do that.

I like, I enjoyed it. Yeah, yeah. I thought it was fucking really strange but cool what you did. You know what I mean? I'd love to see you on the dance floor, dude. No, I'm not. Yeah. Couple more questions for you, Cam.

What's up? You believe in God? How do we say it? I see. Yeah. Yeah's up? Do you believe in God? 100%. I see. Yeah. Yeah. Christian? Yeah.

Yeah. But you believe in the Lord. Yeah. Do you believe that the Lord brought you to this place in your career? Yeah, I pray that day. I mean when I first started, when I first started to stand up, I was like real fucked up. I didn't want to do no good shit in the bad spot.

And I prayed. I was like, you just't want to do no good shit in the bad spot. And I prayed. I was like, if you just let me find my passion, I'll just go as hard as I can. And three weeks later, I was on stage. Wow. Wow, that's cool. Yeah. Yeah, you just seem like a natural. I don't want to compliment you anymore.

That's a really good prayer though. Let me find my passion. Like I still feel like- That's a cool prayer. That is, that's like a cool wish because it's like I think people get stuck because they really don't know like what they're passionate about or really want to do. That was super low. I was low as shit.

I was doing a bunch of fuck that shit and then I thought like a closing the brand but nothing I tried to do I really, I could just, I get bored of shit real easy. But if I don't like it, I'm just like, whatever. But this is the only thing that was just kind of stuck. It's stuck. Now, what are you going to do when they offer you movies? It's boring as fuck, bro. I just did one.

You're sitting there, they call you at six in the morning, you don't work till two. You're sitting in the trailer in the middle of nowhere you're asking the guy why did I come in so early well you know we don't know you never know you know I mean and you have nothing to do you're in the middle nowhere there's nowhere to go and you're there every day you know I mean and it's it seems like you know what it's like it's a day job. Not, let me just say this, okay. Sounding a little Hollywood there. I sounded like what, dear? Ungrateful in Hollywood.

I'm very grateful for it, and that's why I do it. And I'm very mindful. So, yeah, so I think you're gonna do movies. Yeah, God willing one day. What? God willing one day. No, soon. Yeah. I think in the next year. I don't know, that's where I wanna get into. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's like a, I mean, I think in the next year. That's where I want to get into. I mean I think I just find a way to do stand up, whatever.

Like at night. I do it every day. I don't like missing days. It feels weird. You do it every single day. I do. I didn't get a spot tonight and it made me angry. I called in and they're like, not Wednesday. And I was like, all right, you know what I mean? And I know who's at the, you know what I do after that? I'll look at the lineup. And then?

And then I'll go, more following, I have more following here, I can crush this person, crush, you know what I mean? I like, you know what I mean? I try to understand why I don't have a spot, but then I get it because she wants to be, people want to be fair. I'm grateful for what I have.

So what do you want to promote? I'm on, oh, that's my Twitter? No, I just want to ask you one question about that. Oh yeah, what's up? Go ahead. I found this photo of you, I thought it was cute but also funny. Yeah. Were you a transfer?

No, so I'm going to take- A lot of white people- Let me tell you my life. Let me tell you my life. Let me tell you something. So my mom, growing up, my mom and my dad had got divorced. And so my mom moved to the whitest place in Orlando called O'Cord. And that's that. That's how I'm in O'Cord. And my dad stayed in Pine Hill, which is a black neighborhood. And the funniest shit is, I don't know if you believe it or not, but I'm the fastest guy in this funniest shit is, I don't know if you believe it or not, but I'm the fastest guy in this picture, right?

Obviously. Hey, believe you. I'm the fastest guy. We believe you. I'm a believer, dude. I'm going to tell you something though. I thought I was the fastest guy in the world. Oh, yeah.

And then I went out to my dad and we were at a place, I'm like, oh, I'm slow as fuck. Like I'm not even fast at all. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't race in these fucking dumbasses. I'm the fastest guy in the world. I would dust them niggas. And then I went back home and they were like,

it's slow, you're slow. That is so cute. Are you friends with some of those guys still? Nah, I have no idea who the kids is. Were they nice to you though? Oh, how the fuck you found this? What is it? This is apparently Cam's old Instagram page

of his high school basketball team that he used to curate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of him as just a kid living his life. Oh my God. Oh braces. Oh, so cute. There's the fastest kid alive. Fastest kid alive.

I was slow then. I was slow then. I found out quick. They're my favorite pair of Jordan's. Go back to that picture. Go to that picture with the. This one? No, no, no, go up, go up.

Go up? Over. To the left? To the left. This one. So you see that chain I got on? Yeah. So me and my homeboy would share that chain weekly.

What do you mean, what do you mean? You take turns? Yeah, we would take turns. So that was my day with the chain. And then when I left, I'll get it to my homeboy the next day. Wow. Yeah.

Oh, dude, that was so sweet. Is that gold? Gold? It was probably fake and fuck, but we all went in to get it and then we would share that motherfucker. So funny. What shows are you doing this weekend in LA? I'm doing stuff at the-

Commisore? Commisore. When? Oh, I did one last night. I did the bedroom. I bonded the bedroom. It's a tough room. It was tough.

It was a work. It was just like- Who cares? It was one of the ones. I did the main room last night. That was fun. Oh, who's show is that? Chris Millhouse.

Yes. That was fun. You was on it too, huh? No, I wasn't on it, but I'm doing his Sunday show. That was a good line-up. T.J. Miller was on it. Other people. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And then on it. Other people. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. And then, here's some of your dates. Yup. And I'm also on the Killers of Kill Tony Tour, too. Oh yeah, who's on that tour? Me, David Jolly, Art Maddie, Hanson's doing some dates. Dave Blue's on some dates. How many seats is it, do you think?

We're doing theaters. How big is it? I don't know. 2,000, 3,000? Yeah. that's just my tour, the clubs and stuff. That's incredible. The clubs is the way to go at your age. I'd rather do the clubs. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's amazing. Well, Cam, I'm going to say this. I know this is the first time you've been on my program. I think that we love you here. Love y'all. Let me finish. We love you here. We love you here. Don't be a stranger.

I know you got all kinds of things going on, people like you're being pulled this way and that way, right? But know this, you're always welcome on this show to promote whatever you need to promote, okay? I know you have friends with Rogue and all these bigger people, but when it comes to the West Coast, you know, just make sure that this is one of your homes, you know what I mean? Your hubs, okay? All right, give him a round of applause. Can I ask him something?

Wait, wait, wait, stop, stop. After the speech. Oh, it's because I don't want to. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, I know, but dude, you're really pissing me off lately, dude. Okay, wait, wait, stop, stop. After the speech. Oh, it's cause I don't want to. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, I know, I know, but dude, you're really pissing me off lately. Okay, okay. You do things in the wrong order, okay?

I'm gonna let you, I'm gonna let you have the fucking question, but do it earlier. It's cause I don't want to talk over you, that's why. You're respectful. Okay, I apologize. Oh, can I ask him, it's a serious question. Yeah, go ahead. So as a up and coming comedian, stand apologize. Okay, can I ask him? It's a serious question. Yeah, go ahead. So as an up and coming comedian, stand up comedian, do you feel like you get more love

from people from out of your hometown or less? Like you get hate from people from your hometown? Nah, like other commas are people that I grew up with. Both? Yeah. People I grew up with. People, just your hometown people? Not really.

I think people, like in Orlando, I think I think people are like no matter that they're about pretty happy for me I'm older niggas is probably like what the fuck that's just older people. You can't really It's a way was that what you're experiencing No, I just I just something I just thought I mean, yeah people from San Diego. Do they love you Bobby? Like when you go back there. Well the comics don't Because the comics that I started with. That's what he's asking. The comics I said, but that's just the nature of the beast. The comics I started with, I tried to get in with them

back in the 90s. I got no response from them. And you know what I mean? And I had this one guy say, you don't know anything about comedy timing, some old timer. Jeez. He did. And then another comic did this.

I remember I had a set list, and this comic came up to me, he grabbed it. He grabs the set list from my hand. He goes, seen it, seen it, done it, done it, seen it, seen it, done it, and then gave me the fucking, you know what I mean? And when I, he's still around, I wish I could say his name. And he's still there.

Loser. Yeah. But, and once he did that, I was like, oh okay. I'm going to do this on my own and I will show you. I like that. I feel like that too. I will show you. People talk about me no slides all the time. No slides?

No slides. They're like, do not wear slides, nigga. That's crazy. What's that mean? Like I wear slides on stage. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Slides too. They said it, don't do that.

Slides and slides, yeah. Here's another thing that they said. You gotta wear a suit. Crazy. Another thing. Here's another thing they said. One time I was, and I'm friends with this guy now. I'll say it, I don't care. I'm at the Laugh Factory.

This is probably 2002. And I'm on the line up with the comic and he goes, hey man, let me talk to you outside after my set. And he goes, he goes, number one, you're fucking gross up there. Right? Number two, your material is garbage. You know what I mean? It's filthy. You know what I mean? You're never going to be doing,, you're never gonna do stand up on TV. And I go, oh I just did the Tonight Show. He goes, you did? I go, yeah.

He goes, well then you'll never get on a TV show. I go, I'm on a TV show right now. Right? He goes, you are? I go, yeah. And he goes, oh well nevermind. That guy's name is. I'm friends with him now.

Maybe people leave his name out. But, you know what I mean? That's been my whole career. That guy's name is... I'm friends with him now. Maybe people leave his name out. But that's been my whole career. Older people, people that have been around telling me what to do, what not to do, this and that, and no one knows. Just be yourself. Be yourself. The only goal is like, man, be funny.

That's it. I mean, how is that a difficult thing? That's the job. To understand. That's the job. Be funny. That's it. I mean, how is that a difficult thing? That's the job. To understand. That's the job. Be funny. Yeah, yeah. Everything else is like, that's why people are like, don't wish lies.

Man, I'm telling you this shit. I don't stand no comedy. I had a pistol in my pants every day for the first time. I had a pistol in my pants every day. And they said, do not wish lies. Nigga, I had a gun on me. Fuck are y'all talking about, man? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The fuck? Yeah. What the fuck are we talking about? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The fuck? Yeah. What the fuck are we talking about? Yeah. Man, it's bullshit. Also, don't people have an ear? It's like, for instance, I hate comics that go, well, I hate so-and-so.

You know what I mean? He's hacky. I go, I don't want to say, yeah, but so-and-so? Have you heard your laughs compared to his? He destroys, right? And you get crickets. Shut the fuck up. You know what I mean?

People be on bullshit. the proof is in the pudding Yeah, that's what I say fucking about home. Give me a back. He can pop me I did a couple that you mean anyway. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, hi me. Hi me. The proof is in the pudding. Yeah, you work. Yeah, don't think who cares your hometown things Who cares what your family things you just keep going Yeah, right anyway come on Thank you for watching!