TigerBelly - Korean Thanksgiving

Episode Date: November 26, 2024

Welcome to our Korean Thanksgiving with returning guests David So & Peter Kim. We chat The Devirginator, pudge-lords, Korean vampires, cheezy chopsticks, and the nuclear shadow of Joel Kim Booster. DraftKings is offering a warm welcome to new players with ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS INSTANTLY IN CASINO CREDITS with just a ten dollar wager. Plus, EVERYONE can get in on the action with a holiday reward every week! So, sign up with code TIGERBELLY because the holiday cheer is here! Only on DraftKings Casino.

So we did a couple of sold-out shows at the main room at the Comedy Store. Actually that first Donut 2 was very good. I just got the flavor. It comes later. After the second one? Yeah, it comes later. And so the first show was great. We had Spade was on it, a couple of other people, Rick Glassman.

And then we had Dax Flame go up in the second one. How is he? He's amazing. So we were like, we're gonna do Dax Flame and Jaime as a 10 minute bomb block. Was that on the sheet? On the sheet it said bomb block? Yeah, bomb block. I was just gonna go, this is a piss break.

I don't know, I'm sorry. I thought it was a piss break. Dax took a second to get going, but it was just a bizarre performance. And you could just tell that whatever he's doing is working because none of the jokes really are great, but he's so weird that the audience would just love him. And then they didn't even hear Jaime's intro because he went,

he went, Jaime. That was his intro. So no one ever even heard it. So then Jaime just goes up there. I wish you would have said, bro, you didn't even say my name, whatever, but no credits.

But you, what's so funny? I just wanna have Dax giving Jaime's credits. I know, I know. What would he say? It was literally, I can't, I'm Jaime. Of course, yeah. And I was like, when he finished, I went into the audience and I went in, I tried to get that everyone to applaud.

And in the applause, he said your name and really quietly So then it didn't seem like he even brought you up So you just kind of ended up being at the mic and I went oh no, you know, but then I'm like But they really liked you. I think you did a very good job. I thought your jokes were there Very confident it was very impressive highly highly impressive. Were you scared? Oh yeah, I was scared. Here's another thing I like about you, is that in the green room, you don't make a fuss.

You almost as you blend into the wall, because there's just a lot of people there, like you know. Yeah, it was. Andrew's there with his mood, you know what I mean? You know what I mean, his gray cloud, you know what I mean? You got, you know what I mean, chaos. Harland Williams there.

And you just sit, you stand there with your hands in your pocket. You don't say anything with your little smile. And you don't, you're not intrusive. You know how to blend. It's just, it's professional attitude. I really commend you. Thank you, thank you.

Thank you, thank you to you. Thank you, thank you. Thank you for the spot. Thank you, thank you, thank you. What? Thank you for the spot. Thank you. I have to say thank you last, so don't say thank you again. Okay. Thank you for this. Thank you. Don't do it again because I have a thing. If you do it again, it's gonna keep going. There can be problems, dude. There'll be problems. Stop. Don't say it again. I appreciate it. That's better. He couldn't commit to it, yeah.

So you flew, you were at LA Tuesday, you flew back to Dallas. Wednesday. Wednesday. And then what happened? A show? On Thursday? Yeah.

No, I was home for the Halloween for the family. Oh, for Halloween. Why the Halloween family thing? You like it? Yeah, it's a family thing. What did you dress up as? Let me guess. Yeah, please guess.

A gordito. What does that look like? I don't know. I've never been to Taco Bell. I started advertising. No, Texas Chain Saw Massacre. Leatherface. Leatherface.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's pretty cool. You want to see it? No, I don't. But I would be... I would be... I would be... I would be... I would be... I would be... I would be... Texas chainsaw massacre Leatherface Well, that's pretty cool. You want to see it? No, I don't but um, I would be

That'd be funny if you were leather face. That'd just be so much wouldn't be asked her. There you are I thought would be a detail That's actually I eat that cheese It is good so you you do eat that yeah, so when you you go to Taco Bell, what do you say when you order it? Can I get two cheesy gordita crunches? Oh, so you didn't want a gordita when I said it? Yeah. You're just saying the name, but this is actually the name.

Wait, I'm so confused. What do you call that when you go to Taco Bell? Or you don't eat Taco Bell? A gordita. No, that's not it. It's a cheesy gordita crunch. What's the second? What's the second thing you're saying? Give me a second word you're saying. Cheesy

Gorita crunch. Gorita. Gorita. But you just go to the drive-thru and say gorita Then I what are you talking about? Because it's not a gorita. It's not But I don't know why they have the name. I think you're missing of what he's saying. It's cuz you You call it a gordita? But I don't know why they have the name. I think you're missing what he's saying. It's cause you... Isn't it called Gordito? No, it's Gordita. Gordita? Gordita. Oh, then I got it wrong. Oh, but he was saying Gorira. Yeah, anyway. Thank you.

Very good. You're welcome. Very good. I woke up in a really bad mood because Number one, you shouldn't scroll when you wake up. Oh, so I woke up I started scrolling. Okay, and Which is weird cuz I just there's no phone in my hand. I was just doing in my mind It's not even funny cut that out. Um Make any sense Please cut that out

Please get that out. We gotta see what the audience think. Okay, okay. Really? Yeah. No dude. They get you dude. They don't get it. Tiger Billy gets you. So how about them Dodgers?

I'm not done with what I'm saying. Oh my God. I'm not done with what I'm saying. You see the guy blew his hand off? Dude, let me finish what I'm saying and then we can go into like limbless fuckers, you know? What's going on today, man? It's Thanksgiving, dude.

This morning I wake up and Francisco goes, bad loss today, which, I don't know, man. I mean, Arsenal lost again and it's over already. So early in the season, we're not gonna win anything. It's depressing. And then I saw a video of a dog eating a woman's face. Oh, see. Which like put me in the worst mood.

You know what I mean? It was just like her going, hello, an Asian woman. Which it wasn't even her dog, it was like a stranger's dog. Which yeah, I think I'm on the dog side there. He was just protecting his life. Yeah. You know what I mean? She could have been like, ah, you know what I'm on the dog side there. He was just protecting his life. Yeah. You know what I mean?

She could have been like, ah, you know what I mean? But you never know. But it really put me in a bad mood. I saw a polar bear eat a seal. Okay, Guy, can I just say something? Really not the same thing. He's eating a face. Really not the same thing, but yeah, I guess you're right.

Yeah. Yeah. Is he? He's not, but face. Really not the same thing, but yeah, I guess you're right. Yeah. Yeah. Is he? He's not but do we have guests? What time? They're coming on their way. I saw your video to T'babi when you greeted Ati Kalai because Ati Kalwinda was making a birthday video. Yeah, and I saw your video and everyone saw it and it was cute. Oh, was it a hit? Yeah, you were like, I love you so much. Happy birthday. Yeah. Yeah. Hey people at the comedy store Asked me about dating jewels. I was like no like she can do better way better And they just and let me say something don't even try Try what?

We have two different tastes in women What are you tasting women you lesbian oh we have different tastes I have different taste in women different taste in men you ever have the phobia of phobia yeah that that phobia where like it's holes in your hand? Oh yeah. What is it called? Megaphobia? Something with T. Trifobia? It's like there's holes, you've seen it before, right? Like there's like gaping holes

on your arm or like your feet. Is this helping your mood? It's like a beehive warrior. What is this? It's like a beehive on the skin. Is that a real thing? Mm-hmm. How does that happen? I'm not even sure No, it's just the fear of it. Oh, but it doesn't happen Yeah, no, so those are just it's can't happen. I don't think that can happen. No, there's no way that can happen No, it's just like the fear of cuz that that could happen. Forget it. I'm out

I'm out of life. I mean that's if I if I got that oh my god would you be bummed yeah oh my god that would be terrible yeah where's the guest man I'm just like I don't know what's going on here I can't do this he's uh they're almost here they're like four minutes away it's Koreans man well that's a lot of Korean yeah yeah I'm gonna yell at them do Do you know them? Mm-hmm. You know David So? Yeah, I've met him once. How about Peter?

No, no. You've never met Peter? Oh, it's a riot. You're in for a gay treat. He's gay? Oh, he's gay? Whoa, don't be judging. The most gay.

Hey, we said that same time. He's one of the most gayest gays out of all gays. Are they together? No, not gay. David So is not gay. You should ask them if they're... Yeah, ask them if they No, not yet. Yeah, you should ask them. Yeah ask them They're together, please Please ask okay

Often do you visit Ditto Bobby be honest any? ER never When asked the podcast or if it's outside of something that or if it's like if there's a butcher box or like the cat Something that I or if it's like if there's a butcher box or what are like the cats Put your box there I go you had to outside okay I could be right by it and then doesn't even say hi She just grabs and leaves because I don't know if he has girls over okay, and he likes to you like to be alone That's why I just said I'm alone. Yeah. Yeah, you know that's why I don't try to visit us. Let's do the second Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's why I don't try to visit us. Let's do the second

Alright, here's what here's what I'll tell you what it is. I'll tell you why I'm in a bad mood it was just a lot this week in terms of comedy in terms of Becoming you know, you know, my ecosystem of comedy has been in that like the news almost and so it's just a lot of um, it's an onslaught of people's opinions and and since it's so tied in with politics, it became really just a bummer, you know? And you know, I don't want to get into it in detail, but because you know, I don't do politics get into it in detail because I don't do politics but it was, I don't know, it was just tough. I think for the whole community, a lot of rage on some parts of, there's a lot of, I went into a lot of deep and angry conversations with comics that don't like that kind of brand of humor.

But it's what you know what I'm talking about. Hinchcliffe. Yeah. Is it that split? Oh, my God. Look at this. Hello. Wow. Hello. Well, you greet me with such disdain? Hold on. What time is it? Okay, I don't want to hear. No, no, no.

I'm sorry. Hi. No, no, no. Get out of here real quick. No, no, I'm not going to, dude. Just let me ask you a question, dude. Let me ask you a question, dude. What time is it?

You're asking me or him? You. Me? Yeah. Why are you asking asking me two o'clock was the call time I was here too. He's in the green room Oh you were well. Yeah, what time is it? What time is it? That's what I did it. Yeah, yeah Fucking man, that's what I did it. You know me. Oh, no, dude this guy here Yeah, this guy coming here all like that. Well, you were there the whole time. You could have been out here I know I was watching Cardi B. Oh You know you were yeah, you need to see Cardi B right now at all times. No, why are you dressed like Kim Jong-un?

No, why are you dressed like Kim Jong-un? I'm not dressed like Kim Jong-un This is a flairity It's fall outfit God damn it dude Why does your eyes look more Chinese than it's ever been? I'm tired today I'm fostering a dog right now I think she got poisoned

Really? She's like this Whoa, chocolate? I think it was mold mold yeah yeah yeah went to the garbage can yeah so probably from your dick what welcome to our Korean Thanksgiving guys that's a Korean doughnuts across from Korean doughnuts that was that was too far that was that was far that was too far yeah oh sure so what makes these Korean? They're from Seoul.

It's from Seoul? The company. Yeah. The company. Let me ask you something. Can I ask you something, Peter? Yeah. Right?

He's like, they're from Korea, right? But I'm like, where is it from? Koreatown. They made it in Koreatown. That's not from Seoul, then. What? No, I know. I thought it was like, you know, like sent over for next or something. That's what I thought too

Yeah, yeah, this is Korea town. Yeah, so it's not from Korea. It's yum. Yum. It's yummy I'm gonna be up in a Korean brand. So much. Thank you so much for defending that Yeah, no why were we having a discussion of if this is Korean or not? No, no, but that don't be complaining Oh, okay. It's me complaining. Yeah, you take the red one Well, I've been seeing you in a time David. You lost a lot of weight man. I didn't. Yeah you did. Last time I saw you you were huge. You look great. Last time he saw you you were a lot bigger. You were really big. That shirt looks tight. It's a shirt. It really is a shirt. It's fitted. I think it's a shirt. You buy really skinny clothes because you're

gonna lose weight and it'll fit later, right? That never works for me. I know it doesn't. It doesn't work for you. I just have a really lot of like tight-fitting clothes. Because you're Pudge Lord. We actually have two former Pudge Greens. You're a Pudge Lord, dude. What are you gonna do about it?

What do you mean? Me or him? I just said you. You're Pudge Lord. I'm fat now, I think. What are you gonna do about it? You don't think I'm fat right now? No.

Chubby, chubby. Yeah, chubby. A little chubby, but I'm fatter than you though. No. 100%. Let me see your wrist. Yeah, let's see your wrist. I have girl wrists too. Oh my god, dainty. This is a Korean wrist. You look great though. Oh, you've been working out, dude. I haven't been, man. What's going on today, dude? You look good. What's happening? So positive, you two. You know what? Koreans really get your good day going. I was in a bad mood. I really was in a bad mood. And then two Koreans come in.

These two jolly fucking Koreans come in here. You know what I mean? One gay gay and they just can really fucking put your mood in the right place. You do look like fit though. Was it the movie? Oh, can we talk? Are we not allowed to talk about it? No, you can.

Oh, okay. This is me listening. Oh, okay. You look shocked. You look so aggressive. I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What? Yeah. Because you said you... Last time I texted you were like camping or something like that.

Yeah, I was camping. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. It must have been hard. It was a human experience. I'd rather not experience again. It was a nightmare. What? That was your first time camping? Camping? It's because it's shocking, that's why I responded. I know, but why do you talk like that?

Because it's shocking that you've been alive for 86 years, you never camped before? Jesus Christ. Dude, come in with a better energy, dude. This is good energy. I like to do it. No, I mean, I had camping when I was younger, but when I was a kid.

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in 168 hours. Terms at casino.draftkings.com slash promos. MMA podcast, the casuals, MMA, my podcast, genius brain. Other than that, that's about it. Oh, Secret Society has our fall launch. We just dropped that. Anyway, Peter. Hold on, hold on, hold on.

I mean, come on. Came here on a motherfucking Saturday. You gotta move merch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Secret, S-C-R-T-S-O-C-I-E-T-Y, our fall collection, Just Drop, fashion basics for everybody, fucking fantastic. That's that shit right there.

Hell yeah. Amazing shit. Love this brand a lot. Genius Brain every Sunday is at 12 p.m. and then the Casuals MMA podcast in the morning on Thursdays. Or David, you also might do some future comedy shows, right? Oh yeah. We're gonna get Bobby on there? Peter? I future comedy shows. Oh, yeah Bobby on there

I would love for Bobby and Peter to be on there. We have a genius brain show We just sold out the first one. So we're planning to do another one in February. Oh, that's the best venue. Yeah ice house. Yeah cool Yeah, hi, I you can find me a two Kim's one pod on my pod and I've done that. Yeah. Yeah, yeah one pod on my pod and I've done that yeah yeah yeah that's it the fat fish podcast me and Ralph Rapper Bozo yeah well yeah Ralph I think Jules nothing Jules promote something just find something find something to promote Yeah. You know, I told that story about me and my cousin Andy and I, our uncles took us camping and they set up the tent. I woke up and they were gone.

We woke up in the morning. We were like walking around like the campsite, like so, so scared. And I can see our uncles drive up in the car and they stayed at a hotel. Wait, why'd they leave you? Cause he couldn't sleep. so they went to the hotel. Could you snoring?

What? Could you snoring? No, they had two, me and Andy had one tent, they had another tent. They left at night, got a hotel, left us out there in the tent, me and my cousin Andy, and we woke up in the morning, they picked us up. Oh, they were probably disappointed you guys were alive

when they came back. Yeah, they're just like, guys were alive when they came back And then I hadn't been camping since then and I realized oh it's not for me You know a lot of people love survivalist stuff. They like setting up traps Learning how it all works. Yeah, I mean the equals in the um my boyfriend's like that easy. Yeah, Eagle Scout You told me something interesting about your boyfriend. You're now a top Right into it. Wow. What does this have to do with it?

All right. Should we? Hey, what does this have to do with it? Can you even put a Chiron with your name on it? People don't know your names. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's just go into my personal.

All right, all right. Five, four, three, two, one. You're a top. No. No. Welcome to another episode of Tiger Valley. Did you say my name? My energy's a little, I don't know what it is. I just woke up weird or I'm just not in a jolly mood. It's just a dark cloud of cloud.

I woke up, you know, sometimes you just wake up with a dark cloud over you. Never. Anyway. You have Yoda's. It was really gross. Do you have Yoda's eyes? Have I ever told you that? Yeah, you always tell me. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't understand how you can roast me about my eyes. No, I'm not saying that. It's not a roast. We have the same fucking eyes. No, it's not. You have Yoda's eyes. No, okay. This is my biggest contention with you.

No, I'm not talking about it. Every time he sees a person, he goes, you're cross-eyed. He's the most cross-eyed person in the world. He's looking at you andeyed person in the room. He's looking at you and me at the same time. Did I say anything about Peter's eyes? We all have the same eyes. We all have the same eyes.

We have squinty eyes. Ask the non-create. Ask the non-create. Look at our eyes. Look at all their eyes. He has. Be careful, guys. Be careful.

Why? Why? There's. Cats always be kind to you. Jules, go ahead. David has like a longer line. Yoda line. A longer Yoda like I. Tito Bobby has like small line. Exactly. Thank you. And you have like a bigger one. Wow. But you can't. Okay, let me just say something, right?

The stress bags you can't factor those in. You're looking at the stress bags on his eyes. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. He's all stressed out. Cause I'm talking. Why? It's hard being a top? Yeah, have you tried?

No. See? But like, what do you do? Wait, are you of age? Yeah. Okay. He's 22, 21. Oh, 22. Okay, so we can talk about sex.

Yeah. Okay. I just noticed something about your... Can we introduce us first? Yeah, I'm going to do it in a second. I will in a second because it's my show, actually, you know, to be honest with you. Wait, you are Korean, right? Or you're a different type of Asian?

No, we're all Korean. Vietnamese. Yeah, what kind are you? I'm Mexican. Oh, shit. I look Asian. I could have never guessed that. I think I'm now looking at you guys. I feel like I'm like a descendant of like Asian. Yeah, you look kind of like maybe.

No, you look Mexican as fuck, bro. You look like a racist drawing of a Mexican person. That's right. Yeah, you do. You do. I mean in a good way. Like a cartoon drawing. We're very typical Asian looking. Yeah, very typical. Yeah, yeah. You're on the side of a building in Boyle Heights. Very typical for me, you know? I don't know, what is that? Very Mexican neighborhood. You're very Mexican neighborhood.

Can I please, can I introduce or no? Yeah, go ahead. Sicko. May I do the show? Yes. Okay. Yes. Can I see one last observation, if I may?

Oh gosh. Yes, please. What's so funny? What's going on here? You never get Manitra. I'll do it when I want to do it. I know, I'm fine yes please. What's so funny? What's going on here? You never get an intro. I'll do it when I want to do it. I know, I'm fine with it. What's wrong Alex?

It's not going well? Oh it's going perfect. Yeah. So be good. You're looking at it as if, oh this is a train wreck. That's train wreck for a face. You need to look up from my camera. Okay.

Why is like a majority of people in this room fat? I know exactly. Exactly. So that Bobby feels good about it. Okay. Can I make one last observation? Yes. Yeah. And it's not a bad thing. It's just that can you push, let's see your sides. Huh? Yeah. Your, your, your sideburns are thick, like wide. I've never seen it that wide before. Yeah. You want to see the whole thing? Yeah, let me see the whole thing whoa Son carrying you guys both have beautiful hair. Thank you. Who me and who me you and Bob like you're like pocahontas or something Look so healthy

Anyway, let's introduce. We introduce. Oh yeah. We have one guy here today. He's from the Just Kidding News podcast. I don't know. No, he's not. I haven't been on there in like six years. I know, but you're from there. All right.

Yeah, he's from the. The Casuals MMA. Yeah, yeah, he's from the David. Yeah, he's from the Just Kidding News podcast. All right. The Casuals MMA. Yeah, yeah. Oh. Yeah, yeah. Oh my god.

Yeah, yeah. Why the fattest photo? Yeah, yeah, that's the worst photo I've ever seen in my life. Look at the difference. Look at the difference. Oh yeah. Honestly, it looks like you four months ago, so I wouldn't even be roasting me like that.

Yeah, yeah. Did I put that up? We're supporting the law. He did it. We're supporting the law. Okay. Oh man. So then, David So!

Woo! Applause The next guy here is, you know Where? I'm listening I'm a crazy guy, you know So, the next guy coming

he is a comic comedian We sold a show that's never gonna get made. Don't say that. It's been there for four years. Okay. That's fair. Him and I wrote a show, sold it to NBC, and it's been there for four years. That's not entirely correct, but okay, it's been a while.

How many years has it been there? At NBC? Two. And then how long was it in other places? Two. Exactly. It's never been... Anyway, yeah, it's been a while. How many years has it been there? At NBC? Yeah. Two. And then how long was it in other places? Two. Exactly. Yeah. It's never been there. Anyway, yeah, it's been a long time. Anyway. It's been a long time. Yeah, yeah. It's never gonna happen. Why are you mad at me about that? That's not my fault. I'm not mad at you about that. That's not my fault. I'm giving you facts. That's NBC's fault. I know. I'm giving you facts. Yeah, NBC. What's up? What's up? I know you're watching. I know you're watching. Is that a camera?

Yeah, yeah. No, over there. You're looking at nothing. He's a bear. Where's my camera? Yeah. Oh. Yeah, what's up, BC? And let me see, in terms of gay Asians, they do comedy? Oh no. What is that?

Why did you show me that photo? What's that? You all the former- Literally, what the fuck is that? This is the one that your partner, wife produced. That doesn't even look like you. Dude, what happened there, dude? You look like Benedict Wong.

Yeah, yeah. You know, I get that a lot. Yeah, you definitely look like you won a Bebop eating contest or something. What? Like a Bebop eating contest. No, that was at the height of my COVID depression weight. It looks so bad.

Wait, I don't think it looks that bad. It looks pretty bad. It doesn't look like you. It doesn't look like you, that's how, I don't think it looks that bad. It looks pretty bad. It doesn't look like you. That's how bad it looks. Does it look that bad? Come on. That's not you. Wait, what's wrong with Benedict Gwong?

No, it's not the thing wrong. I'm just saying it's just not it doesn't look like you. You're the person I'm seeing right now. Oh, okay. Well, yeah. Shit. What made you lose all the weight? No, I mean, that's that's when I gained weight.

Oh, so you were, this is not your normal state. This was at my like biggest, most depressed post-COVID. Did I know you then? Yeah, this was right after... I think you just blocked it out with my mind. Yeah, you were like, you're like, oh, yeah. Erase, erase, erase. I don't wanna look at that.

Yeah. Yeah. So thank you for bringing that up. I mean, we have a lot of gay Asian comics out there. You got, um, do we? Yeah. The guy from SNL, Bowen, Bowen, Jane Jackson, and then we got Bowen, Jane Jackson, and we got a boomerang. What's his name?

Boomerang. The other good, the good, Joe Kim Booster? Yeah. Yeah. I don't know why I call him Boomerang. I don't know. Bo maybe, the Bo part. Bo and Yang. I think that, you know, in terms of...

I think you buried everything, buddy. You're so good. Oh, shut up. No. You're so good. Ew! What the fuck is that face, dude? God damn it, guys.

Ew, I hate you. What's the show that you guys wrote and sold? What's it about? Can you guys talk about it? It's about two brothers who are diametrically opposed but run a Korean spa in LA. Ooh. Yeah. And nobody's making it? Well, it's in pilot right now.

We just finished the draft. Ooh. It's never gonna run. But, um... Now with that attitude... Four years? Dude, have you been... Dude, shit takes long here. Don't you know Four years, dude. Have you even had that?

Dude, shit takes long here, don't you know? Like, come on, you of all people know, like. It doesn't take that long. Yeah, it does. Things get shelved for like decades. Decades. They made first three Lord of the Rings movie in four years. Okay.

It's gonna take a 30 minute, We're not poking. A 30 minute three camera sitcom is gonna take four years to make your mind run. That takes one fucking day. There's no audience for this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Pokken has like a massive audience. I know, four years to buy your reminder. That takes one fucking day. There's no audience for this. Pokken has like a massive audience. I know, there is an audience for it.

Why use Lord of the Rings as an example? That's so- Do you think your Tiger Belly audience would all show up for our spa show? 100%. Do you think? I think a lot of Asians would. I think a lot of our fans would.

I think it would do well. Do you think it would translate to non-Asians watching? Like, why people watch? I think it would, because I think that because of the internet they're like into... Look at like Squid Games and all the things that are like very Korean. They watch it, they love Korean drama, they love K-pop. It's... And it's also not even from Korea. It's from... It's a show about Americans in LA.

That's what I mean. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. So I think it's a... It's a guaranteed hit. Okay. But if they don't want to do it and the shit that they pick up is insane and I'm tired of it and I don't want to do it, and the shit that they pick up is insane, and I'm tired of it, I don't want to do it. You have a couple of shows you hate that NBC has made. No, don't do it.

No, it's not that, but you just see like the same, you see the, don't ruin your career, not mine and yours. Just so you know. If yours fine, I'm alone. That lady, Reba, what's her name? Don't talk shit about me. Is that Reba? Yeah, what about?

There's a Cheers like show coming out, is that her? That's Reba's show, yeah. Happy Place. Happy Place, right? It just looks like Cheers at her old show, they put it together. Our show has never been done before. That's why they won't pick it up. It's new, it's never been done, it's a topic that they've never done, it's fresh, it's,

you know what I mean? And it's like, you know, here's my thing about also music even, you know what I mean? And it's like, here's my thing about also music even. You know, if you listen to pop music, it's just rehashed chords, rehashed sound. You know what I mean? And it's turning Americans, you know, it's funny. I woke up this morning and I was scrolling and I saw Sonic Youth on David Letterman way back in the day and I was

watching them and I'm like it's so interesting because look how experimental and different and just quirky and weird Sonic Youth is and at the time when you're watching you're going oh I can't wait 20 years did I not know I did not know that we were gonna revert back to garbage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Garbage. I know. You know, it's that generation, garbage.

You know what I mean? Nothing, you listen to my Bloody Valentine's Loveless, 1990 album, right? Masterpiece. I played it in front of Europe, like what is, I don't like, you know what I mean? I'm like, because your minds aren't open to new idea do you guys know any of the references he's making yes you didn't

play that in front of me I just say you you pointed at me and Joel I know but oh you got you love how you just got defensive you know fight for your right go ahead I know I know what he's talking about dude So, you know what I'm talking about yes, what'd I just say Lincoln Park Right yes to just drop Lincoln Park is wild yes Didn't link it park get a new vocalist by the way a woman they did Wait, it's a woman and a man right cuz that their latest sink it is right there There's like two vocals on the new things to what? Oh guitar sings. He's the one that oh, that's a woman and a man, right? Because their latest... It is, right? There's like two vocals on the new... What?

The guitarist sings. He's the one that... Oh, that's the guitarist. Okay. Hmm, great. Anyway... I mean, don't you think that like television, films... You watch films today.

There are some films in the 70s they would never make now. No, it's too risky. There's like no one takes risks anymore. Yeah, it's just, you know... I think some people do. I think there's some... So, A24? No, like, I thought like Triangle of Sadness was a fun... A24!

Yeah, that's what I thought. Sorry, sorry. I didn't get validated so I had to like say it louder. I just said that you're the funniest gay Asian in the world. But you said it with the face like... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think you're one of the funniest people in the world. I said that no yes You did yeah, yeah

Do you guys feel that actors now are better or worse than back in the day till now? I think they're worse, but I think every generation feels that way I feel like I just she's saying shit like that You know what I mean like a boomer kind of like back in my day like art was better or whatever and I feel like every Generation goes through that and I feel like every generation goes through that. And I think that too and I love that thank you for bringing that up. You're welcome. Right but unlike that generation though I do listen to new music. You know what I mean? Yeah. I have so much new music from new bands. You know what I mean? Couple of bands, name them. I like a band called Dead, D-E-H-D, you know what I mean? I like... Do you like Chaperone?

Yeah, I like them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I like... Perfume Genius. I think he's very like Bowie-esque. I think he's... Ooh, Glam Rock? A little bit. I think he does close to stuff that I used to listen to a long time. I also like will do a new musician and then just do a station and listen to all the new shit that comes out. I do that all night long, every night, right?

And then I have, if you look at my playlist here, yeah, there's some weird new shit that I listen to. I don't think a lot of younger people listen to an album know? I don't think a lot of younger people listen to an album from front to end. I think nowadays it's like you listen to the hot track and that's it and then you move on and you find the next hot track.

And I only know about this because, you know, the musician friends of mine, they'll go to these concerts and then you'll see somebody whose song popped off on TikTok. And he said that when he was in the crowd, I forgot which artist it was, but this is an artist that they love, they paid for these tickets and now they're gonna go through their whole album These he said that everybody in the crowd stood there with their arms crossed until that tick tock song came out. No

Which is kind of that makes me go create Craig make me go correct right Yeah It was that thing that happened with like with with meth and red when they were performing at I forgot what it was like summer Jam or some shit like that and you know even though if you don't know who metham and red men is like New York should know Who they are yeah? They were doing their shit nobody was moving now just cuz you don't know is moving mean like dancing like being high Yeah, did you hear about Charlie XCX was just in this new lingo? I don't like moving is a new lingo

You know moving is so general like they could be just going Whatever That's not dancing moving is anything, you know anything anyway that was dancing You're right. You're right. Yeah, that seems to be an epidemic I think because charlie xcx was just did you hear about that? She was just in la and she was screaming at the audience for not moving Oh, really? Like come on get fucking high. What's wrong with you? Everyone's maybe it's the music No, her music's like dumb bomb bomb bomb bomb bomb like brat, you know

Is this it? Yeah, they were saying they vow never to this is red and this is this is meth and red, right? They're like everyone's just sitting like look even if you don't know the song you're at a fucking concert move move around Look at why are you in the front row? Okay? Now look at raging again rage against the machine See that audience Also, it's too. This is what I'm you too bright. This is what I'm used to go rage against the machine live Oh, yeah, why is the it's too bright? Yeah, I if the crowds you're you're bright. Oh So the top Yeah, if the crowds you're you're bright. Oh So the top Yeah, go to the

Maybe go to the audience. Oh I'm not sure about the cornrows. Oh man. That's wild. Yeah, the white cornrows is wild Damn, okay. Yeah, they're raging. Who's the actor that plays? What's it called, in Spider-Man, the villain, his son? James Franco? Yeah, he looks like James Franco. Yeah, a little bit.

The face, if he was in like Jamaica for too long. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my. I mean, look at this. That's moving. This is what I'm used to. That's moving. I've been in the middle of that.

That's moshing. I used to be in the middle of that. There's no way you could be in the middle of that. You've been trampled. No, I'm on the bottom, I mean to be in the middle of that. There's no way you could be in the middle of that. You've been trampled. No, I'm on the bottom. I was trampled once. I was at a James Addiction concert and I was on the bottom. No way.

And people were dancing on my body. You know what I mean? And I had to get on your neck. I was one of those guys that had to get pulled out and then they put me outside. Do people die in those things? Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

That's what I'm used to. I don't know what's going on, but maybe I am that old man, get off my lawn kind of a guy. If you think I am, I am. Yeah, you're a 50 something, right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're getting there. Yeah, yeah. You're shy from 60. Oh my God. That just dawned on me. My mom's 66. I know that. Your mom's super young. I'm just so young. That just dawned on me. My mom's 66. I know that just- Wait, no! Your mom's super young!

I was just so young! That just dawned on me. Wow. I'm gonna die. No, you look great. No, you look thin. You lost a lot of weight. Yeah, you lost weight.

Hanging on there. Oh my god. Nothing's coming. Sorry, sorry, sorry. No, we're good, we're good. It's colorful and happy. Eat a donut. Wait.

Oh my. Are you gay? Yeah. It's cause I do that too, but I don't know if I'm gay now. Oh my God. Oh, that's just fabulous. What made you think he was gay? Because I said, Oh my God.

Was it the fact that he already said he was gay? Yeah. I thought he was the greatest gay comedian. He was just to talk to me about you. He was just teasing you. Oh no, he's teasing me too. Your boyfriend? Is this a relationship? Oh no, we just met today. We've been together actually,

would you say like three months? Yeah, three and a half months. And you're at the top. And you're at the bottom. Yeah, he's definitely. I can't even hear you. He's taller than me, so it's hard. About three and a half months,

we met at Barney's Beanery. Barney's Beanery. Yeah, in Santa Monica. me, so it's hard. Yeah. About three and a half months we met at Barney's Beanery. Barney's Beanery. Yeah, in Santa Monica. It was pretty cool. Yeah. Wait, wait, look at me right now. I'm going to look at your eyes. But I'm not afraid.

What? But I'm not afraid. What are you doing? Is this Star Wars? Yeah. Oh. You will be. What a fucking nerd.

Yoda. Yoda. What a fucking nerd. You will be. Yoda. What a fucking nerd. Nobody got it but you, dude. You guys just got to witness Bobby Lee. You guys just got to witness Bobby Lee bomb a joke. I'm not bomb a joke. I was like, you will be. The whole room went silent. I was like, what is he doing?

I was like, you didn't do the Yoda thing. I like how it didn't work once. He said it three more times. Please. Yeah, and look at the response. People are laughing now. Laughing at you. Yeah, yeah.

Regardless. You didn't do it? All right, let's move on. I don't look like you. You don't like the top? No, what? You don't wanna talk about it? No, we can talk about it.

You mentioned it to me, there we go. I was a date. In what world? Wait, wait, I want the volume. Okay, here, you guys put the headset on if you wanna. Kind of looks like my grandpa, dude, a little bit. Here, here's the volume. No one's hearing. Head headphones in front of you guys

You will be You will be Yeah What okay? Can we try it again? Yeah? Yeah, yeah team up. I bet you can do it now, but I'm not afraid you will be yeah Just Photoshop Yoda's face So much for that we got it I'm sorry Thank you. Thank you. Hi, man. Like the eyes. Yeah. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah

Have you ever auditioned for anything in like the Star Wars universe? I have. Oh yeah. Oh shit. What? I think it was for one of the newer shows. It was like a nine legged, like what? Mandalorian? It was like one of those. It was for Favreau.

Jon Favreau was producing or something. Did EJ, was EJ gone? Yeah, he left. I think EJ helped me with the audition and I had like nine, you know, I mean Arms or something in it. Oh, you weren't a human I think my problem you're like at a bar playing for But I think I didn't know what to do so I think I fucked up by doing the whole audition like this No, yeah. Are you serious? Yeah. Yeah. Well, maybe you were playing a human. That's why

Yeah, maybe the district is a human but I was just like I didn't even get close Like I've not you know, you know when I've had many auditions where they've like the studio has come to my house made me sign an NDA right and studio has come to my house, made me sign an NDA, right? And this is a huge deal. And then the script, you know how the script has your name across it in, what do you call it? Like a watermark, a watermark, right?

I don't even, I'm never even in the mix of those. I hope to with a Shang-Chi audition. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, what were you gonna play a Shang-Chi? Yeah, yeah. I think Ronnie Chang's role. No, Ronnie Chang's role. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, you're gonna play a Shang-Chi? Yeah, yeah. I think Ronnie Chang's role. No, Ronnie Chang's role. Ronnie Chang's role. Oh, good, okay.

Yeah, yeah, but yeah, it's so, can I just, I wanna get this off my chest, okay? Please. I'm glad you brought this up. I love Ronnie. I mean, he's like my son to me, okay? But you would think that your friends, if your friends did a show,

that they would cast you as the lead, right? But I had two very good friends of mine cast Ronnie instead. What shows were there? It was History of the World, right? And I get a call last second, hey, can you just do a couple of lines in this thing? I go, yeah, I'd love to help you. But then I found out it was the Genghis Khan, you know what I mean?

Hereditary, I mean, ancestry.com, right? He played Genghis Khan, the main guy. And I just had a couple of lines and Baron Holt and I mean I've known them for 30 years these guys, you know what I mean? And they gave me, so you know, Ronnie even beats me even when... In the nepotism even in like my if my friends are involved do you think you're a better actor than Ronnie Chang no I'll be honest with me I mean if you see me you know I you know the sounds coming out of high-maintenance the best no no I said oh like no no I think that you know it's funny that line of questioning is funny what that you do that because you know for many many years that line, questioning is funny that you do that because,

you know, for many, many years, I didn't think I was a good actor, you know what I mean? Until I started watching it. And up until like three years ago, I started watching some of my stuff, and I think I am a good actor, yes. I think I'm different. Yeah, I agree.

I think I'm different. I think if you see me in Reservation Dogs, I'm so good in that show, you know what I mean? I thought it was Reservoir Dogs. Is it Reservation Dogs? Yeah, Reservation Dogs. And I think some of my Sex and the City stuff was, it fit. I went out for that role. I know you did. So I know that you fucked you. So you're my Ronnie Chang.

Yeah, but Dumbfounded too. So many people did. Okay. Dumbfounded talked about an audition where he, you know, there was like Justin Chan, there was like Son King in a room and they all had to do like an accent for a role. And then he decided that he was gonna do the accent, but nobody else did. Oh no.

Would you do the accent if it was for a role? No, I, I don't know, this could have been a bad idea, but I was offered a really big movie. It was a vampire movie. The Korean accent? No, and they wanted me to have a Korean accent, but then I realized in the script that he was living in LA.

Was it an immigrant guy? Yeah, but in my mind, it was like, why does he have an accent? He doesn't need to have one. He doesn't need to be an American. You know what I mean? I could just be a regular guy. And so I had to, I FaceTimed the director and I just go, Hey, just to let you know, I would love to do this, but I just don't know why you would have an accent. I just want one. And I go, okay. But, um, I go, but

Did he say Korean or did he say like, I want you to have an Asian accent I go no I go yeah if I was in Korea or There was some sort of backstory that I was born there, but he's just some guy With a Korean accent yeah, what was he like some guy who got eaten or something no like got his oh you think It's like a victim eaten with an Asian accent is scarier It feels worse. What are you talking about? It feels worse than a... Can you guys both be Korean vampires? I just want to hear it.

Like, I want to drink your brother. That sounds so stupid. It kind of sounds like... It sounds like I want to drink your brother. That sounds so stupid. It kind of sounds like the I want to drink your brother. It sounds like I want to drink your brother. I just feel like a vampire would be so rude and disrespectful. Ya, no, no, no. You're doing the Christopher Nolan Korean vampire.

Even though you went too far. Yeah, we went early. We went early. 80s. Yeah, 80s. But anyway, and then I said no, I just, I'm not doing it. And then years later I'm like, I should have done it. But was the show or movie made? Yeah.

And it was that one. I've never even heard of this movie. I mean, it wasn't even good. I'm glad you said no. You know what I mean? If it was not... You know what I would have done? If I had time, I would have gone, oh, I thought, I don't care. If it was interview with the vampire, I would

have like, do the X. Oh yeah, interview with the vampire. I almost got that. Yeah, you're more in the league for d***. Yeah, we do have a Korean vampire in our folklore though. Yeah, Gang-Shi. Oh, I want to know about it. It's like, teach me. Gang-Shi? Yeah, it's like, the one that pops like a button. Yeah, it's like... And then you have to put a little like, Moon Shin on their head. That's San Tokki.

They say... Kind of. San Tokki Tokki. What are you talking about? No, but then we do have Gangshin hook or something like that. Can we talk about San Tokki real quick though? You know the song? Yeah.

San Tokki Tokki, where are you going? Gangchung Gangchung... What does that mean? Gangchung Gangchung is like the... Gangchung Gangchung, running, where are you going? Yeahchung Gangchung Gangchung Gangchung Where are you going? So, Summer Bunny, Summer Bunny, Summer Bunny? No, Mountain Bunny. Mountain Bunny. Oh, my bad. I got my bunnies mixed up. Not even the word, but alright.

So, Mountain Bunny, Mountain Bunny. What is it? Where Are You Going. Where Are You Going. As You Run. As You Run. Where Are You Going. Where Are You Going. Yeah, that's about right.

That's the only one I know. That was the only verse I know. That's pretty much the song. It's pretty short. Yeah, it's two bars. But anyway, but my parents used to do it, my mom used to do it with this. Is that your, do you recall that? My mom wasn't that fun. She would just look at you straight in the eye, San Toki Toki.

She would go into a minor key, San Toki Toki. How about your mom? My mom never sang me these songs, but I think I heard it in church when the other kids were singing it I heard a lot of that my my grandpa had this record player and he would play the old Korean folk that sounds like a horror movie He would play that shit every fucking night and I would have nightmares It's like Korean old folk music sounds like wailing and crying cuz like very sorrowful And there's like a random like woodblock like yeah it's just like some weird fucking demonic shit

it's exactly what that shit is i fucking hated that that's what i listened to as a kid wow hey i have an education question yeah not yet um wait your turn we Wait your turn. We're just kind of, you know, talking about this now. We're getting into it. Not yet. We're just doing our thing right now. You know what I mean?

Yeah. But you stay there, OK? Eat the donut. All right. OK. Finish this. Finish this. No, go ahead, Tommy.

OK, this is an education question since you're all Korean. Is this like, because the language barrier for like English and then Korean, it astounds me, like, is this how you guys write? Or is like, is that just like- It's a romanized. So it's for y'all. It's for, for people who don't read Korean.

Okay. So let me get this straight. Let me get this straight. You think that we have- Syllables? No, just listen. Right? You think you have when we write we write with English letters do you know because it's English it's

European it's letters right well the Spanish doesn't have their own no it's in it's in English right yeah but in Asia we have like moon you know I mean house whatever you know the Philippines it's still English. Maybe as we're colonized. Yeah, colonized. Colonized, that's what it was I think. Yeah, but we have our own language, that's the language. Like that? Yeah, yeah.

They have just symbols? So if you look at- Those are letters. Those are letters. If you look at Asian writing, everything, what do we- Egyptian? Hieroglyphs. Hieroglyphs. Yeah. God, it does.

Yeah, it does kind of look like that. Yeah. Like Korea, Japan, it's all a derivative of Chinese. So like when you're Korean, you also have a Han-moon name, which is like your Chinese name, and that, there's a derivative that'll turn into your Korean name. So if you look at this like back,

it's all like symbols and characters, and then we became more simplified. So Japan is more simplified, Korea is more simplified than that. Don't you have a different age when you're in? Yeah, when we're born, we're technically one years old because they count the time when you're in your womb. But I heard they're going to change that soon. Yeah, we're getting a year.

Yeah, that's an interesting thing. It's like. So I guess Koreans viewed the fetus as a human life. Oh yeah. Pro. If you think about it, I mean if it's you know in its inception that's when they counted it. I mean so wow they were like the early Christians. Have you seen those interviews in Korea where they have like gay pride parades now there and they're interviewing other people and Korean people are the most I don't give a fuck. They're like, what do you think about gay pride in this crowd? They go, I don't care

Why are we doing this here? They don't talk to me They don't like it. They they I don't think they like outward celebration of any anything whether it's gay pride or anything It doesn't matter. They're just like go home yeah pride it pride in general yeah pride in shame based country it's so interesting I mean but I don't I don't see us three like that well we're not Korean I know we are Korean but I'm just saying I think that like because you know I've been to Korea I also you know I know some of the culture and they're very kind of you know I mean quiet sometimes and I mean when we get violent we get violent we love revenge kind of, you know what I mean, quiet sometimes. And I mean, when we get violent, we get violent.

We love revenge. I get it. You know what I mean? But what? Live for it. Yeah. Yeah. What?

And we feel, we feel. No one's really done me wrong in a long time. That's good. And I feel like that. That's great. Is it great? Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, well maybe it's you. Maybe you're a lot more open. I need to step it up. Maybe. No, I think that maybe you've changed. This means you're a good person. Yeah, maybe that's true. I mean, do you have any revenge still in your heart? Do you have any people who you're like, oh, this guy I'm gonna kill. Oh, they're so fucking good.

Right, I have three. I have three, but this from a long time ago. And you should keep that forever. I do, I do. I wanna see if I have any new ones. Okay. I wanna see if I have any fucking enemies. New enemies?

Yeah, and it's also, it's like, I have to admit, my life is much better than it was. So it's like, you know, I have to admit, you know, my life is much better than it was. Yeah. So it's like, you know, when, when, when, you know, you get a little success, I think it kind of dampens it a little bit. Is it because you're scared of what you'll lose if you act out your revenge? No, I mean, things just don't piss me off as much. Right, or people are struggling. Yeah.

Every day you add to that list. Oh, and people don't like, push you at at your level, like you know what I mean? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. When you get to a certain level, like people aren't like, stepping on your ego like that. Like, when you're at my level. Oh, oh, oh, that's interesting.

I think you're right. Yeah. And then when it does happen though, I can see it happening. Yeah, it's flipping. Because they don't know, you know what I mean? Oh.

Has that happened recently? Oh yeah. Did it, where? Well, you know, I've been on the road a couple of times doing movies in smaller towns. Yeah. And you go into a restaurant like out in the boonies, like in Montana, for instance, and they just got here. You hear your mozzarella sticks. Oh, no. Right. And it comes and you go Like you it goes in and then goes out yeah, right Korean angry disdain face that was Yeah, you know she but yeah, yeah, it's one of those faces right here's a key face. Yeah. Yeah I would give me yours You know what I mean? Try again.

Try again. Why would you give me yours? Huh? Oh my god. Look at that. I'm the look. I'm the look. First with luck.

He went straight for the verbal. He went straight in with verbal. Oh my god. That abuse came out. Because he don't... Oh my god. That's so scary. That's how my mom talks to me.

But he didn't even move his eyes. His eyes didn't even move. I know. I know. He looked at the photo. He's like, you son of a bitch. No look either. Yeah. Wow. But his eyes didn't even move. His eyes didn't even move. He looked at the photo and he was like, you son of a bitch.

No look either. There's gotta be a look, okay? You have to also understand that it's a white restaurant. There's white people. So it's like you can't... Is it a guy or a girl? Girl job, but like very... Bond, right?

And just like, she looks down on you. It's his up so and yeah, she's never seen your type She's maybe you know, I mean, yeah, and she does not like it. Yeah, I mean your mozzarella sticks Dad Whole through my soul dude, my mom's look. Oh, that's so good. That's crazy. That's very that's scary. Do it to Peter now Wait, so I'm gonna be talking to my friends. Yeah Come interrupt me. Oh, yeah I know you be you gotta be the waiter. Oh, you got it. But also but just can we can I be the director here?

Yeah, can I be the director you guys are gay too? Yeah, we're in West Hollywood. We're in West Hollywood. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys are gay. Oh my God. Okay, and then I want a conversation and I'm going to point to you when to go. You know how some people go, they have it, you know. But I want the conversation going on for a little bit, right?

Okay, and action. Oh my God, you god guys where did you go last night oh my god we went to we huh I didn't I couldn't find you I was fully cut cut cut cut you're in we hoe now though you know that oh yeah yeah and action oh my god did you see that guy with that ass hanging out. I know. Oh my gosh, you're... My what? Your shirt is slaying. Is it slaying the house down boots? Yes honey. What size is it? Let me have it. It's size extra small bitch, you know I'm thick. Bitch that don't fit me. Yes, it's not gonna fit you hon. You know how I'm sensitive about my weight. I'm sorry but I'm only hard on you because I love you.

I love you Chopsticks The chopsticks through me Cheesy chopsticks easy chopsticks. Wow. So, um, let me think if I have any new enemies, if I have any new enemies in my life, you know, you know, I do, I have a couple. What's going on there? Oh, the phone turned on.

I don't like it when the lights are on. And you're speaking, I think is rude. You know, that's the most polite thing you've ever done. What? That really was polite. I want to be. I'll be honest with you, my eyes are burning. It was like a lot.

Yeah, I thought it was. And you flipped it and that's kind. That's disrespectful. Totally disrespectful. 100%. Yeah, maybe turn it off. Okay, well give me the Korean look, then I will. Oh, okay.

Oh, shit. What was I even saying? Your resentments, enemies. Oh yeah, I have a couple of yojas. Really? Yeah. Enemy yojas. Enemy yojas.

Oh, what'd they do to you? Um... So, you know, I know there's a couple of Yojas, right? That... There's a couple of Yojas that hook up with guys' comics. They're way underneath me. Almost borderline open mic. No.

Yeah. After you or no? Before. Oh, okay. That's fine. But then they won't hook up with me. Break. Yeah. After you or no? Before. Oh, okay, that's fine. But then they won't hook up with me. Break it down. No, the fact that you feel inferior to comics that are less known than you. They're not even funny.

So that's... They're not even funny. They're never going to make it, right? And then it's like, I'll ask, you know, a girl that I know they hooked up with a couple years ago, and they're like, yeah, you're just not, and I'm like, what? Yeah, no. But I'm famous and funny and I'm talented.

And also, I think cute, you know? You're cute. Are they hot? Are they like, good looking? No, the girls or the other comics, are they hot? I mean, they're like, in terms of open micers, yeah, they're like, maybe Matt Rife, who was in an accident or something.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a bicycle accident. But still has, you know, more like Matt Rife Picasso style. The nose is here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, like a bicycle accident, but still there's semblances of Matt Rife. Yeah, yeah, the teeth are right. But they got, you know, abs, and they're white dudes, jockey.

The thing is like you've been... Whoa. Yeah, yeah, the teeth are right. But they got, you know, abs, and they're, you know what I mean, they're white dudes, jockey. Man. Right, and it's like, it's like, and it's like... The thing is like, you've been... Whoa. Yeah, yeah. But in my... You can't compete with that, no way. I love him.

You can't compete with that sexually. There's no way. You gotta be in your lane. Like, I can't compete with Joe Kim Booster. Okay, good. You know what I mean? Like, I think Joe Kim Booster is more famous than me. Okay, okay.

And hotter. No, but you're hot too. I know, but not Joe Kim Booster is more famous than me. Okay, okay. And hotter. No, but you're hot too. I know, but not Joe Kim Booster hot. Should I show her Joe Kim Booster? What is, can you show, Joe Kim Booster looks like this, but Asian. You don't know Joe Kim Booster? Yeah, he's Asian. Look.

Oh yeah. Ah! Well, he's just younger, I think. See? No, he's older than me, what the fuck? What the fuck? Yeah yeah yeah. I think so. We're the same age. He's fucked up so bad.

We're the same age. He kicked her out man. Oh my god my stress bag. My stress bags. How old are you? I'm 42. No way. Yeah. How old is he? I think 42. I think. Yeah. How old is he? I think 42.

I think. That's better looking. He looks like a teenager. Okay, see I- You look like the nuclear shadow of him. That's like on the sidewalk, the imprint on the sidewalk. Oh yeah. Yeah, I mean.

Fucking stupid. Just mouth open like- Look at that. Look at him. Look at that, dude. That's real. Look at that body. That's everything. There's no like... Look at that. Look at him. Look at that, dude. That's real. Look at that body.

That's everything. There's no way. That's everything. If he's an open micer and... But here's the thing. Is this comedy? Yeah. Yeah, it's a comic.

Very funny. But not as... I find you, you're so good. But that's not the right analogy. Nice. Bobby. Bobby. Ew, Bobby, Bobby. Ew, Bobby.

Bobby, why are you getting up? You're so mean. You're so mean. You're so mean. Bobby. Bobby. Oh my God. You wanna know what's so funny?

I literally thought that was a cartoon drawing of Joe Caputo's. Stop it. Oh my God, I'm not even fucked. Hey, look. I almost had a fucking stroke. You want to know what's so funny? If you just look up any photo of Bobby 10 years ago, it's just the same photo.

I know, I know, I know. All right. Okay. Okay. Okay. We don't, we don't peddle in our looks, let's say. Yeah. No, but that's just, that's different because it's like, it's like, yes.

Well, look at that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You look so adorable. it's like. Yeah, it's the same photo. Look at that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You look so adorable. You look hot. Yeah, yeah, I'm cute. Yeah, yeah, cute there. Is that Joe Rogan?

Oh, that is Rogan. Wait, is this when the whole thing went down? That's not Joe Rogan. That's Joe Rogan, dude. The Mencia thing, yeah. That's Joe? It's a Getty image. Wow.

Wait, wait, zoom in. That's Joe Rogan. That's not Joe Rogan. That is Joe. That is Joe. Look at the hair. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whoa. You look That's Joe Rogan. That's not Joe Rogan. That is Joe. Look at the hair. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whoa.

You look hotter than Joe Rogan here. Okay, anyway. And then what's that? Oh no. Oh no. Well, that's Danny Cho. That's Danny Cho. That's just me.

That's me from dealing with that. Do you believe that they let me do that? That right there was on national TV. Yeah, yeah. That sketch right there. That's history. Right? I have bug teeth. You know what I mean? This is the most racist. This is the most racist. Have you seen these sketches? Didn't you write that though? I wrote it. Yeah That's what I mean. You don't have a problem looking bad. I know. I'm disgusted. Who wrote it? Me? Because at the time I was just like, I don't give a fuck. You know what I mean? Let's just try it. Also, like, what are you going to do? Say like, oh no. If they're like, oh yeah, pitch things that are going to be Asian.

Yeah, but I went to extreme, the extreme. I'm going to see how much I can push this thing. They should get you guys on Korean- You did push. You did. Oh, I would love to do Korean. I would love to go to Korea in general Yeah, I've never been never been what the fuck You would love everyone escaped and I was like, I don't have anyone to visit. Oh, yeah me either Yeah, I have no family there. I would go as a you have no family. I don't think so. I have family in the north I'm so sorry for laughing at that phone. Anyway, that was out of pocket I'm sorry, but can I can we just finish anyway. That was out of pocket. I'm sorry.

But can we just finish off this piece because I think it's really interesting that like you've been at this for so long and you've gone through your ups and downs in fame or whatever clout, whatever you want to call it, influence. But do you think that has ever helped? Yeah. It's the couple of rejections of women that went, Oh, no, is what I'm talking about. There's just some women that aren't going to find me attractive. That's fine. That's fine.

But it's like, no, I don't think that I'm unattractive or I understand completely why women like me. Yeah. Yeah. You know what I mean? So it's like, no, I am. But there's just some that I'm like, oh, okay. You know what I mean? I have the same experience in the gay world. What are you gonna say? David. Yeah, go ahead, David, because there's something brewing and I don't like it. No, no, no, no, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Brew it out, dude. No, I don't. Pour it. Pour the coffee, dude. No, just like. Yeah, yeah, what are you doing? I'm just like, in my mind, I'm wondering like, who these comics are that went before you and what they look like.'s the thing I can't get I'm getting hung up on because if it's if you're saying like it's you and then there's two other comics before you That look just like you then I'd be a little upset

Yeah, right, but if it's like two guys that are substantially better looking than you way better than oh then Okay, of course, they're gonna fucking go for the better-looking, dude Cuz maybe their reason for getting with somebody isn't the fame part they just want to be with a hot guy that's funny yeah but they're not funny or a hot guy well to them maybe they're not because the proof of putting I mean we have what's interesting about nobody laughed if they're comics you know we have an arena mm-hmm you know I mean and we can prove it in their arena yeah it's it's open to anybody anyone can go up there.

And some people just spit good games. Just sit in the back, sit in the back and watch them fight. Let's go back to if I have any new resentments. Okay. Do you have any new? Let's time travel back. Let's time travel back, okay, to this. Do I have any, is there anybody I have resentment toward?

Okay, I have one. But I don't know if it's a thing, and I don't think it is, but at the time I was a little like, what the fuck? So I saw Seth Green at the Comedy Store, and we had a love fest. I hadn't seen him in 20 years. You know Seth Green? Yes. Right.

And then I went to Comic-Con and I ran into him and he was talking to somebody and I saw him and he was very kind of standoffish a little bit. He's like, hey man. And then, you know what I mean? And I walked by. And also I was wandering, I was at the entertainment, I was at the Variety party or something.

You know the magazine, right? So it's like all the Wolverine, the movies there, I was at the variety party or something. So it's like all the Wolverine, the movies there, all the good movies are coming out. I don't know why, I'm invited of course. And I didn't see anybody, so I go, they're sad. I could at least pretend. And I went, and he went. But I think he was high.

Because then I ran into him a couple of weeks after that. It was so weird. I ran into him so... And he was super cool. So I don't know, maybe it was in my mind. That's 100% in your mind. I think so too. That's it? That's the only people you have hate? You're not a real Korean. You gotta have... Come on.

Let me think. Let me think. Do I have anyone right now that's on my fucking shit list? You know what that means? Yeah. It means you've grown. Yeah, I don't think I have. I don't have any. Do you have any?

Oh, God, so many. Give me one. Give us one. I've talked about this multiple times. There's a guy that stole money from my first business that I opened. It was a soft serve joint. Last time I saw him, I told him that if you ever see me

in public, you have to walk the other way because I'll fucking kill you, like literally. Whoa, how much money? In totality, so so basically what he was doing he took our company credit card and he was funding his side business with the funds that we were making with our store and he's a kind of a fucking idiot because we have access to the fucking credit card yeah and he did it once and already I didn't like that and you know we did it two or three more times he goes I keep making this mistake it's like it's not a fucking mistake it's you're funding your shit with our stuff and he just kept spending the money and eventually we just didn't have any money at all

And this you know, it just went to him and so long story short with that He basically had to leave our business and so last time I saw him I was just like if you see me in public you got to walk the other way because we were friends We were buddy buddies. Wow, That's even worse. Exactly. You can't forgive him. Absolutely not. Really? If he came and he did like, couldn't jar,

if he bowed down, like head to the floor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, put a mat down, handles. That's knee pads, knee pads. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a little older now.

Yeah, he's a little. We're racing. It's a very long time. It's a very long time. Yeah. Well, if somebody's bowing, well, if he's bowing down with his face, that's perfect, I could stomp it faster.

Then I could just light him on fire. But seriously, seriously, even that big of a gesture, you don't think he can? It doesn't fucking matter. I'll fucking tell you. Wow, it's that deep. What if he paid you back? The last time I saw him.

What if he paid you back? I don't give a fuck. With interest, with interest. It doesn't matter, it's not about the money. Oh, you're too Korean almost. I don't, it's too Korean. It's principle. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't give a fuck. You could give me money. It doesn't, well, Korean. Yeah. Yeah, I don't give a fuck you could give me money It does well how much money well how much does he owe you? Mmm, I would say in total all of us probably by 80 grand 160 double. I has been a millions Wow How would you kill him? Yeah, he's not a murderer no About he's thought about it. I probably just punch his fucking face in until he can't breathe. Yeah, I think you should let it go That's too much anger. It's in your body. It's gonna turn into something else. I mean I would but

Fuck how else does you get up? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Give me one There was this guy in Chicago cuz I thought of a new one, but I wanted to do mine's really simple He's he was this young Improv guy I thought of a new one, but I wanted to do mine's really simple. He's he was this young improv guy Very tall, but he was good at improv like really he was like one of those White guy tall good. Why the whole whites are so good at all that. He's 19. So he's like a phenom and I get there I'm like, you know fat and 30, you know, and I'm like, I'm gonna try improv and he's like, yeah, okay like this like Hey buddy, he touched your I love okay. Like this, like, let's just do it right. Like, Hey buddy. He touched your head.

I love it. He said, Hey buddy, you'll get there. One day you'll get there. Damn who is? Oh, I'll tell you after the part. I can't believe he still has a hand. Oh, let me tell you. He was so tall. I couldn't even reach him.

I would've been like, like, the days you're lucky. Like Kevin Hart, like, wow.ays are looking down! Like Kevin Hart like, ah! Wow. He was really tall and good looking. And now, the worst part is, he's doing so well. Is he on SNL? He doesn't even need to be on SNL. That's how big, bigger than that.

Big. I'm not saying. We'll bleep it. White guy tall. We'll bleep it. No, no, you're not going to bleep it. We'll bleep it. You'll bleep it?

How am I going to bleep it? You're going to forget. No, he's not. Trust me. White guy tall. We'll bleep it. No, no, you're not gonna bleep it. We'll bleep it. You'll bleep it? You're gonna forget. No, he's not, trust me. We're gonna bleep it. Cover your mouth. Bleep. Oh, interesting. I don't think I could ever let that go.

Yo. I couldn't let that go. This is the only reason I'm still in Hollywood. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I wanna, this is the only reason our show's gonna sell. Because I want him to to come like begging Yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah, can I get a guest star?

You know like just because his hey his he did some in my mind that did some bad drugs or so He's on a you do revenge fantasies. Oh my god. We're good at Korea's are good at revenge fantasies No, yeah, you know we lay in bed and think about what we're gonna do I do think that we are motivated by proving people wrong that don't exist. That's exactly what it is. Our ancestors. Because I do that a lot too. Yeah, that's exactly what it is.

Because my manager was like, why do you keep saying to yourself, oh these motherfuckers think I can't do it? He's like, who are these people? Who? I'm like, I don't know. I know. I don't know. They don't exist.

Yeah. We do that all, it's unhealthy. Yeah, but in our blood though. I love revenge fantasy. I'm gonna do this, I wanna do unhealthy. Yeah, but in our blood though, I love revenge I'm gonna do this. I want to do this. Oh, are you ever in the shower? Yeah, oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah I've done that. Just have dialogue. Yeah. Yeah. No, I'll in my mind be walking through the grove Yeah, thinking of a scenario and then I'll actually outwardly say it

Say it like fucking asshole And people go and people go, what the, you know what I mean? Why'd you make me do that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll like say it out loud in a scenario in my head. We're crazy. We're crazy, B. There's some of that on TMZ somewhere, you know? Don't touch me!

Yeah, fuck. True, the other day I was in the car and I started thinking about, you know, I miss my mom and my ma and I was like, if something happened to her, and you know, like and I'm thinking about she's alone I miss my mom and my mom and I was like if something happened to her and you know like and I'm thinking about she's alone and like people are taking advantage of old people these days and I'm like oh someone took advantage of her and she got sick and she couldn't pay the bills and I started crying in the car and I was no I proposed to

nothing yeah yeah nothing was happening I'm just like getting myself riled up so that I could feel something. Are you super close to your mom? A little too close, like mama's boy. Oh, okay, okay. Yeah, where I have like revenge fantasies of her getting murdered. What? Wow. Because I want to feel righteous about it.

Yeah, you really need help. I do. You really need help. I do. It's like gay boy stuff. It really is. It's like, mama, you know. Your mom's super supportive of you coming out?

Not at first. You know where I took her? BCD. Jangdong. You know BCD? You must have been there. No. Why? Well, I took her there because I knew she was going to cry, so I was like, oh, I'm so embarrassed. So I took her to BCD and she started convulsing. Oh. It was bad. And then like a couple weeks later she came around, but like the first was very bad. Was it, did you grow up in a Christian household?

Eventually. Oh, that's why. Yeah, yeah. Like I was out there with signs like. Oh, for real? But you were just like protesting yourself? But I'm gay! I'm like, gays are going to hell. I'm going I'm like gays are going to hell I'm going to hell I'm going to hell

anyone else want to go to hell with me back in his alley right quick must have confused so many people out there oh you're going to hell like no but I was like I was really good at being in the closet though oh for real yeah masking it out like being wait wait... Wait, wait, wait. Hey, let me hear your mask. Yeah, did you talk like this when you were in the closet? What do you mean, like this? Like this.

Oh, no, I guess like in high school, I tried to lower my register. Let me see your like... All right, let's do another scene. Scenario, scenario. Head roll, head roll. You guys are straight now. You guys are straight now.

You're straight, and then let's say we're gay, and we're hanging out, and then a straight people are coming, and then watch me cold switch Oh, that's good. So you and David are gay. Hey gals. Anyway, yeah anyway. Yes. Wait, why aren't you talking? With the dress with Philippe was wearing last night. Oh my of this world like where Bobby's I want to be gay longer And action Really pay for the pay if you leave it and what and then Antonio shows up right?

I use it at that ball and chain. Oh, yeah, I'm gonna say it's not even Halloween. What the fuck? What the fuck? Right. Why is it wearing a ball chain? It's so much. He's just one validation. Yeah, he's always a damage parent always so damaged like it's apparent but what about you Raul? I'm gay. I know Raul, okay but what's going on? I just didn't know you guys you guys out here I'm fucking yes I feel gay too I just feel so gay. You feel gay or aren't gay because you're fucking flaming. Yeah I'm still flaming gay though it's like but you could do something about this outfit because everybody thinks you're straight by the way you dress. Oh my god oh yeah. Oh yeah you Raul. Yo yo yo, my dog you slime dog dog

Hey, yo, what else? What? Yeah, totally. Yeah, my dude. This is my friend right here Yeah That pussy's wet bro, that's good you can fucking get dude, dude, I love the way pussy feels you That's about as gay as you can fucking get, dude. Dude, dude, dude. I love the way pussy feels. You became more gay. Yo, I love it. No, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not good. It wasn't a great job. But in high school, we all were virgins in high school. I don't know if you grew up like that Koreans. We were all going to church. They're all slime dogs. Oh, so you were with the Sacramento man.

And when did you lose it? I lost my virgin when I was 18. I was late. Okay. Yeah. 17 for me. 17? Yeah. 19 for me. To a girl. To a girl. A majority of my friends lost to Virginia when they were like 14, 13. Oh wow. That's so young. Yeah I mean I at the time I thought they were making fun of me. That was cool. I was the last one to lose my virginity. They were making they were calling me gay all the time Wow, yeah, my friend's dad thought I was gay cuz he because I didn't lose my virginity yet Yeah, he's like you want me to fuck you He was fucking Filipino and he was just like David you don't like puss puss

You don't like pussy no, so you would pussy? No. So you would always roast me. Yo, a Korean dad would never say that. Oh, 100%. Filipino people would be fucking, dude. But when you were 19, how did you get hard? What do you mean? I was hard all the time. Did you like having sex with the girl?

Wait, wait, wait. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. May I ask you? How was that offensive? What do you mean? Why can't I get hard? But you're gay. Or you're bisexual.

I'm sorry, I'm so gay. I'm sorry. I'm so gay. I'm so gay. I'm so gay. I'm sorry may I ask you how was that offensive? What do you mean? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why can I get hard you you? But you're gay or you're bisexual I'm sorry. I'm so good. Well you you lost your virginity to a woman at 19. Yeah, just it doesn't mean it doesn't mean 19 not on with a woman that was okay. Okay. Okay. Oh at 19. How did I get hard with a woman? With a woman with a woman. What do you think I meant? No, what you said was how did you get hard when you were 19? Yeah, you did you know you can Okay, I got it now I got it now I got it we're all on the same

but it doesn't mean that it's just page. But it doesn't mean that, just because you're gay doesn't mean that like, especially because I was trying not to be gay, so I was like, let me try this and see if this is something that I can pretend to do for a long time. And I did it once when I was 19. It was horrifying. And yeah.

Did you come? I did come. Do you know that, you don't know the story? No. Can I tell the story? Please! I was dating this girl who was a pastor's kid. Of course.

Yeah, PK. The biggest slut ever. Yes, right? Yeah. Okay, so... She had a... She went to a different high school than mine, but in high school she had a nickname, the Deverginator. Oh my god.

Because she Deverginated all these Korean kids. Like the Korean kids. She was Korean too. And that was like a point of pride. I never ran into the Diverginator. Bobby's like, where are you? Not one time. I've been out in the forest looking for the Diverginator.

That's so funny. I never saw her. I've heard of this story about a Diverginator. Diverginator. In the forest looking for her. Have you heard tale of the Diverginator? She just comes out. I'm the divergent.

Finally. Anyway, yeah, lucky you. So anyway, so I knew that. And like being the closeted kid, I just wanted to be her best friend. You know what I mean? Like, oh, this is the divergent. She's the sluttiest one and she's so fun. And we could talk about boys.

So like we were just hanging out all the time and then she started get being interested in my dorm mate and then that who I was in love with and I was like oh wait don't date him and she was like why and I literally I did not know what else to say I was like because I'm into you and she was like I'm into you too And I was like no no and Yeah, so like we started dating But she was she told me she was trying to make me jealous with my dorm mate So I was like, oh my god this backfired on me, right?

So the whole time I'm thinking like she's gonna want to divergent a me obviously. Yeah. Yeah, so yeah, yeah. So I'm getting scared and scared, and then I go, okay, okay, how do I do this? And then she goes, well, I have a rule where, you know, I might be slutty, but I own my slutty-ness, so I wait three months when I date a guy before we have sex. So I was like, okay, I'll date her for like... two and a half months. Yeah, and then I'll be like, I can't do this, and then go.

So that I gave it a try And she's stuck to her integrity at this point in your life. You knew you were gay I knew I was hiding something because I was watching like a porn, you know in the dark So and then like clearing my cash every day. That's definitely so ominous So, you know fast forward to two weeks later We come back from spring break and she's on my bed in the dorm. And I'm like, what's going on? And she's like, let's get cozy.

And I'm like, it's been two weeks. And she's like, yeah, but whatever. What's her name? And not. I don't want. No, no, no. Esther Kim, whatever. It's like, Eunice Park.

But anyway, she started getting closer. And I was like, OK, I have to throw her off. So I'm going to put on the thing that I think is the least sexy of things. So I put on the little mermaid. My favorite song. Yeah. And she's like, let's turn off the lights. I'm like, why?

Why? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, That one, that's so funny. She's like, this is the girl. It's so funny, guys. I love it. So we're watching and then before it even gets to halfway point, yeah, that song comes out like... And at that point, she's like starting to like go down.

Oh my god. Oh, that's the first time. Imagine the first time a hand has ever touched your gocha. Right? Like, right away. Yeah, no matter what. No matter what. Yeah.

You're like, oh, and she's like, okay. And I'm like, it could be a Wolverine or a honey badger. Yeah. It could be bad, weird. Stop going off! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Oh my God. Cause I don't know what to do. It feels good, but I don't want it. You know, like, and then I go, what about your three month rule? And she goes, fuck the rules. And then she takes off her panties. It's hot dude. It's fucking hot. I love her. Hot.

And we, she's on the bed and I go, okay. And she takes off my pants and we, we, we try to do it, but I can't like get it in I don't know where it is oh that's everybody you know what I mean I'm like is it here is it here that's not everybody oh yeah I mean I know that I always knew just kidding so I was like aren't this and then she was like forget she got frustrated so she spins me over how damn this bitch crazy haka move wow and I'm on my back like this. He gets on top of me and starts riding me.

And I go... No condom? No condom. And then she goes, because... Oh, I forgot to tell you this. She was born without a uterus. What? So you could just nut in her.

That was her thing. That's why she was the... The wonder she's the... Dude, she's a unicorn! She was a uterus corn. She's a unicorn in a billion! Where is she now? I want her now! Yeah, what is she?

No. So she was very like exciting, but also like, oh... And then she gets on top of me and before I could even think, I go, Oh, Luke, come! She's like, you can come inside me. And I go, oh! And I come everywhere. Oh my, everywhere inside or outside? Inside. OK, OK. Dude, I could have scared me, dude. And I was like this, like the whole time, I caught everywhere. Oh my, everywhere inside or outside? Inside. Dude, to the...

That could have scared me, dude. And I was like this, like the whole time I'm empty, I'm shriveled like a raisin. And then she jumps off of me, stamps my chest with her puss puss. And I'm like, what? She marked you. With your own tongue. She leans down to my ears and she goes,'s my finishing move and I'm the Diverginator. She says that line? A pastor's kid? Yeah and I was like

is she like in prison now? Because this is a Batman villain. No really. Asian Harley Quinn or something. She goes that's my sign she puts a pussy stamp on your chest what a fucking weirdo. What an animal. Very hot. If it was a guy I'd be like fuck let's go. Oh really. She f'ing ended it with that and not started with that shit. That would be like hey get the fuck out of here. Yeah yeah yeah. How are you talking about. Hey get me a Kleenex. What a crazy story. Is that the one and only time it happened? No so I was so traumatized from that like I didn't have sex for seven years 25 Wow Another girl at 25 Yeah, the last girl. Okay said tell me about that one. She was great Like we almost this is the time where I was like, it's so great that like I have to come out

You know what I mean where it's like there's nothing wrong. Everything's great. We get along. She thinks I'm funny I think she's hot. I think she's smart. Like everything's great. We could build a family. What's wrong? Oh, yeah, duh. I'm gay. What the fuck are you doing? Oh, yeah. So like, you know, being from the church, like I just kept thinking I could figure it out. You know, like pray the gay away basically. Yeah. But it just took a while for me to be like, yeah

I guess everything's perfect and I'm still sad. So something's got to change Wow, you really committed to trying not to be gay for so long. So that must be rough, dude It was rough and then it got like it got easy because I just like would go out and be wingman for my friends Okay, and they would love it because I was like the clown that would drink and get drunk and be like, hey girls meet my friend. And I would dance and be the idiot. So like no one even thought to like think of me as the gay guy. They were like, oh he's the fun like drunk. What's that face? I just wouldn't. If we were going out, you're not going out with us like that. That's not going to work for us. Why?

It's too much. Why? Can I see, how would you flirt? Stop doing this. Yeah, how do you flirt? What are you talking about? Like high school bobby. No, because I've been in a relationship for 10 years,

so I don't have to flirt with him. I don't know what the fuck that is. So because you're single, so how would you flirt? Well, I mean, I'm trying to think of something comedic to say, you know what I mean, when you ask me that. So you only- I can only be for real. Yeah, what is it for real? Well, I have certain telltale signs.

Moves. Moves. So if we're sitting there right now and I go, you know what I mean, like this. Ooh, they're very soft hands. Yeah, if they do this, that's not good. Yeah, typically, yes. You know what I mean? Well, your first move is just to go for the hand grab. No, we're in a conversation, right?

Let's say I'm going to say a joke. I'm going to just do the last line of a joke. OK, I'll laugh. And the turquoise went, zama zama zoom zoom. Oh my god, you're so funny. Wow. Wow. Well, you didn't laugh though.

We have to laugh now. Yeah. The turcos went zama zama zoom zoom. Why'd you hit me? You fucking. Yeah, yeah, right. You're out. She's just like, my head's broke.

And then I also, if they don't touch me at all, like even an arm or anything, and they're kind of distant physically. To me, that's a red flag too. Oh, you make sure that you read body language. Yeah, body language. It's also what they're saying. I'm very in tune about it.

And then sometimes if they're super hot, I'm like, let's do other tests. Other tests? Yeah, because they don't give me the initial thing. So in my mind, I try to convince myself, they might still like you. You know what I mean? Let's do it another night.

Let's give it another night. And then the second night you're like, I don't think this is gonna work. That's so much thinking. It's a lot. God damn. That's so exciting. Me too.

That's why I love being gay, because it's so not complicated. Oh, it's not. It's so straight up. It's either like we're fucking or we're not. Oh, because it's so not complicated. It's so straight up. It's either like we're fucking or we're not. Oh, because it's still a guy. Guys are still guys. And most of the time it's just like, help me get this out. Oh, it's like a friendship. It's a friendship almost.

Can you give me a hand, please? That's so great. No emotion. No emotion. Yeah. It's very different than lesbian or like girl queer because it's a lot of like feeling safe and feeling like we're, you know, because bitches be bitches. Like imagine if I was like, guys are still guys. Yeah. If I was with Whitney Cummings, I go, hey dude, I gotta help me out.

I'm like clogged out. That would sound crazy to say that. She would be like, excuse me. You think she would do it? Let me stick it in a couple. I'll do it with the four pumps. Yeah, can you just be a bro? There's no way that would happen.

That is how it happens pretty much. Try it again with Peter. What do you mean? Do the thing you would say when you come in. I'm just a little stiff. I'm clogged down. Oh, okay. Oh, my guy.

Wow. Wow. What great insight. Yeah, it's community building. You got to help each other out. Yeah, see, they don't do that in our world. We have to like giggle our way in the pussy. Like it's a lot of work.

It's a lot of work. It's so much work. But would it work? Let's say you're with somebody, like I was with like, you know a 300 pound female comic. Mm-hmm Right and she was like, hey, I just need to I need to like get some stress out Can you can just fuck me real quick? Yeah, I don't think we would do it. How tall is she though? What if she's like six seven four three? Oh Four three three hundred now. Yeah, that's different. You would be in a hospital at the end of it

She would crush you you're saying you can't just like get it up for any woman. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah. For any woman. You know, it's funny. I... I was very looks involved. It's funny.

My therapist said I was telling her like... I don't want to talk about this anymore because anyway. This episode is going to be 15 minutes. Oh, no, it's not. Hey, Dave. All right. So what? go ahead. What's your question?

I didn't lose, believe it or not, I didn't lose my virginity until I was 23. Oh really? Oh yeah. Yeah see that's what I'm saying. When you said 18 is late. Well for my friends, I don't think it's late at all. You know what I mean? But to them, they made me feel like it was like, cause they were fucking, since junior

high. So like when you're gonna, if you're the odd person now, they always make you feel weird, right? So like when I lost my virginity, they're like, oh you're fucking one of us now, but it's like Oh, I thought I was like four years late And I remember saying this like on a video years ago and then they're like, nah, that's not late. I was okay I'm not the crazy one then they were just fucking horn dogs. Yeah, absolutely Yeah, okay, and it's also like generational like you guys are younger I feel like young people aren't really fucking like that, right?

Or is that? I lost my neck 14. Oh One of us I mean I I wanted it to have sex but it just never happened. It didn't happen. Yeah, but when it happened were you like Yeah, you were doing comedy when it happened. No, I was working. Oh you do comedy Yeah, oh, that's great. That'll help Yeah, it'll help more than any other profession unless I'm okay, where do you work now I stand on comedy

He opens up for Ralph. This is Ralph Bobo's guy. Oh shit, that's amazing. Good for you. But he also does, Oh I do this too. A lot. Oh yeah, yeah. Cool. Anyway, Oh sorry. Anywho, Happy Thanksgiving.

Happy Thanksgiving everybody. And I want to give a peer and David a round of applause for doing the podcast. Thank you. That was a lot of fun. It's always fun with you two. It's so easy. Isn't it so easy with them?

So easy. Koreans man. Yeah, you guys are, it's so easy to do. I just have no, um, anyway, um, anything to plug? Uh, MMA podcast, the casuals, MMA, my podcast, genius brain. Other than that, that's about it. Oh, secret society has our fall launch. We just dropped that. Anyway, Peter, hold on, hold on, hold on. All right. I mean, come on. He came here on a Has our fall launch we just dropped that anyway Secret SCRT SOC IETY our fall collection just dropped fashion basics for everybody fucking fantastic. That's that shit right there Oh, yeah, amazing shit love this brand a lot genius brand every Sunday is at 12 p.m. And then the casuals MMA podcast in the morning on Thursdays Gilbert is also a part of that as well. He is our captain there

Peter or David you also might do some future comedy shows. Oh, yeah, Bobby on there I would love for Bobby and Peter to be on there. We have a genius brain show We just sold out the first one. So we're planning to do another one in February. Oh, that's the best venue. Yeah cool first one so we're planning to do another one in February. Oh that's the best venue. Icehouse. Yeah. Cool. Yeah hi I you can find me at 2 Kim's 1 pod on my pod and I've done that. Yeah yeah you got and look out for um oh no this is too early so we'll talk about next time. All right that's it. The fatfish podcast me and Ralph Rob our bows. Oh, yeah Jules promote something just find something find something to promote emotion There you go

Anyway, I'll be in here promote. No But I'm probably by the time this comes out, I'm probably in Australia. So come do see me in Australia. Anyway, thank you. Bye! I'm so happy to be with you I'm so happy to be with you I'm so happy to be with you I'm so happy to be with you I'm so happy to be with you I'm so happy to be with you