TigerBelly - Kumail Nanjiani and The Mango Situation

Episode Date: September 11, 2024

Actor Kumail Nanjiani (Eternals, Silicon Valley) stops by for the first time. So stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to www.zocdoc.com/belly to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. That’s www.zocdoc.com/belly   New players can play just FIVE BUCKS and get FIFTY INSTANTLY in Casino Credits! Download the DraftKings Casino app and sign up with code TIGERBELLY. Then press play on your favorite games to join the fun! The crown is yours. Gambling problem?

["Sukulukumala"] I heard it's good. It's so funny. I mean, if you were in a big movie, I would watch it. I did. Remember? I did watch it. I've been busy, but I watched your alcohol movie. Bad, right?

You told me it was good. It was bad. It was good. It's bad. That was high. I read the comments though. The movie was tough, but Bobby Lee's scenes were great. I could pull them up right now. I heard two reviews on something that

like people really loved you specifically in that movie. But no, I didn't see this. I saw this at a Vegas. Kevin Hart. Amazing performance. You haven't seen anything. How would you, you have no reference to a good movie. Yes I have. I've seen Faryosa like five times already. Five times?

That's so funny. That's such a long. That's like an okay movie, okay, okay. You don't like it? You like The Hobbit versus The Lord of the Rings? The Lord of the Rings is obviously stronger than The Hobbit. Oh.

The Hobbit is one book, they stretch into three movies. Oh. You know what I mean, too much singing. Way too much singing. Like I like it when Aragorn is doing his private singing like at the whatever like the end you know at the end the movie was like you know what I mean? But when they're doing choreographed full-blown singing and dancing it becomes strange for me. We're goblins and we're building this hut. You know what I mean? We're goblins and we're traveling so far.

That's a good idea. Yeah, I don't like it. You know which one I haven't seen? Long legs. You should first watch Short Legs. Short Legs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's by Verne Troyer.

You're going to love it. Short Legs. It's a documentary. Yeah, it's Troy, you're gonna love it Documentary What's up, what's up, my name is Jaime This is Tiger Betty. I'm by myself. I'm waiting for people to show up This is for my uh, my Spanish viewers in Mexico. Have you guys watched this? Can that? Akisto icon Bobby Mexico, if you guys watched this. What's up? Here I am with Bobby, Kaleida.

I'm going to speak Spanish in this episode. Wait, all the whole episode? Yes, I'm going to speak Spanish. Okay, Lix, let's see how much you remember. Why? It's for the people in Mexico to see the Chinese Bobby Lee. Oh, because the last time, oh, I understand. Because the last time he said, he put you on the spot and he was like,

oh, do you speak Spanish? And then you kind of like fumbled a little bit. Oh, muchacho J? Yeah, with J. J, si. No. Estoy tomando clases para español. Oh, you are.

Nice. Si. He's taking classes. I should too. I should get back on the... You understand everything you're saying. Yeah. Pretty much, yeah. I dated a Spanish guy.

That's true. Who didn't speak any English, but then I haven't... Do you remember a lot? Can you be conversational? No. Yeah, give me any word in English I'm in, and then we'll see if I can translate. Trying to think.

Let's start with vegetables. Oh, carrot. Who else is walking up? Zanahoria. Oh, that's pretty good. So impressed. Trying to think let's start with vegetables Carrot Zanahoria, oh, that's pretty good So impressed. Oh, it's hair. I can't say my ars in Spanish Wait, try to roll. You know, I don't know. How do you say? How do you say zanahoria? San Aurora, okay It's not coming to classes. Yeah seeing dollars a classic

He came us. No, no, I have my kids there in the house. They work every day. Every day you work in? Yes, in the houses. In whose houses? I make houses, like... Oh, oh, oh, oh, okay. With my husband's wife.

Wait, construction? Yes. Okay. Just like fixing stuff like a handyman? Si, handyman. Como se dice handyman en espanol? Jose. So racist.

Hi, how are you? I'm Kaleila. Nice to meet you. How are you doing? Can you move this? Hi, I'm MacGarcia. Nice to meet you. Right here.

Bye. Jose, hi. Everyone be nice. How you doing? Hi, I'm García. Nice to meet you. You're right here. Hi. Go say hi. Gilbert. Gilbert. Everyone be nice. He's the best.

Don't mind him. My name is Kamal. He doesn't have social skills. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just, you know, white guy. Classic white guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he's our sidekick, Jaime.

He's from Texas. He's insisting on speaking Spanish as well. Yeah. He's a very good guy. He's a very good guy. He's a very good guy. He's a very good guy. He's a very good guy. He's a very good guy. He's a very good guy. White guy, classic white guy. This is the white guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you. And then here's our sidekick, Jaime, he's from Texas. He's insisting on speaking Spanish

his whole episode and I don't know why. Yeah, yeah, well insist. Do you speak? I don't speak it, no. He basically made fun of him for not knowing any Spanish on the spot when talking to Bill Burr, I think, and then now he took classes in Spanish to now communicate.

Oh, so you're like, class is good at Spanish. Yeah. I see. So're like classes good at Spanish. Yeah. I see. So we have water. Not impressed. Nothing to worry about. We have water, what else do you do? Would you need anything?

Let's start. Five, four, three, two, one. Oh, hello. Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello. I just got back from Montana and it's really good to see everyone. I was in Montana for three weeks Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, What? Nothing. What? I'm just listening. Oh my God, dude. I'm just listening. I don't like it. You brought Montana back with you.

You're a racist militia. You're right, dude. They rubbed me the wrong way. Yeah, you're feeling a little red right now. Can I take out your eye booger? Which one? The other side. I think it's working.

Camera side too, you know. It's not just for me. That's what he was looking at. It's for America. You got it, you got it. Anyway, thank you so much for pointing that out. I don't know if it read on the camera, but so my first awareness of this next guy

that's on our program today, what's wrong with your energy today? Because it's I you better you better switch it or leave Yeah, you better switch your energy or leave because I don't know what you're doing today. Pick a different energy. Yeah. Yeah Pick a different energy. Thank you so much. So um, okay. Okay years ago. There was a the meltdown Is that what it's called? Yeah, yeah, and I did one show there once I bombed so hard. Did oh my god, it was so on my show. No wasn't your show, but it's the meltdown for the audience What the meltdown the meltdown? I'll tell you it was let me just see your coming on Johnny Silicon Valley Eternal different movies great stand-up coming on Johnny everybody clap, no, Johnny, can everybody clap your hands? Thank you, thank you.

Don't forget Portlandia. Yeah, love Portlandia, I like this guy. Good energy shift. Yeah, I love energy. I see what the energy is. You're switching sides. See, you're too Montana. There aren't sides there.

Oh really, I'm too left right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Meltdown, there was a comic book store here called Meltdown Comics in LA that was around for decades. It was like a real institution of LA. And in the back, there was a little space, there was a little theater. Where the cool people did comedy.

Let me finish. Where the cool people did comedy. The hipsters. Let me finish. The hipsters. They did comedy. The hipsters. Let me finish. The hipsters. They did comedy there. And my wife used to book that whole space. And once a week on Wednesdays,

me and my friend Jonah Ray used to host a show there. Amazing. And it was really, really, really fun. It was like 120 people. It would be like super packed. It was very nerdy. Yeah. Well, the reason why I know it was cool because the one time I did it

I was in the book story Store portion of the place. Yeah, and I was a couple of CAA agents in this, you know this I'm being real. Is that what is cool to you? Well, I know But it's like if if cool is the flame, the agents are the moth. OK. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying.

All right, so to CAA. So yeah, yeah. And there was other industry. And it's a smaller room. So I was like, oh, there's something. I don't like it. It's too much pressure. And then when I went up there, I felt like I maybe

was in my own head because, you know, and I got to get over this you know I have this thing like no well. I'm a club comic you mean yeah, but in the mail is I know but camell is like Cerebral and very funny in that way you know I mean and they're not gonna get feels like an insult You're not cerebral. I am I am You're not you went to college right? I am. I am. Yeah, you're a thinking man.

You went to college, right? Sure. You're right. That's all I'm saying. You're an educated man. Yeah, you're a smart guy too. I'm not. I didn't even go.

That has nothing to do with it. Yeah, yeah. Jonah, who's on screen with me, he didn't go to college. But look at how cerebral he looks. He's got glasses. He looks like a brainiac up there, dude. Yeah. He's solving things.

Now, my point is this. It was a great room, and I did it, I think I did it a couple of times. Maybe one of them did okay. But that's when I first was aware of you. And then Silicon Valley, aware of you on that, right? And then I saw. Silicon Valley, Silicon Valley I think is the valley.

I said silicone? Yeah. What's the porn valley. I said silicone? Yeah. What's the porn valley called? Burbank? No. Well I mean City of Industry is not a valley is it? No. But there's like a area where there's like a lot of like

vivid is there. Yeah yeah that's the valley. Okay. Yeah yeah. So that's the original valley. Like right in Ventura right? I don't know, I don't go there. Yeah You don't watch porn I didn't say I don't watch porn. I know your parents are listening. I don't drive over there to watch porn

Use their Wi-Fi to watch therefore I don't think they have a drive-in fucking porn movie thing. Yeah. Yeah. So what do you mean? That's what I'm saying I don't drive there, but I do what that'd be weird. They've they had that that's weird I'm like fucking you know you have to connect it with your whatever Bluetooth anyway, um There'll be whole thing but So then you so when you want when you watch porn Do you just do belong to a site or do you or do you just do random like freestyle? What do I belong to a site like cuz I have codes random like free stuff? What? Do I belong to a site?

Like, because I have codes that I have to put in. What kind of codes? Codes? Well, no, I'm like not codes, but like username and password. Like I pay. Oh, you pay? Yeah, I pay. What are your subs?

What's a sub mean? Subscription. You were right. Cerebral. Cerebral in a different way. Yeah, cerebral in a different way. I'm more heart, dude. I'm more heart.

No, I know. I get that. You're all brain. You can be both. Keep going. Okay. So what sites do I subscribe to? Yeah. I mean, there's one called Private Society. Okay. Yeah. That's like, from what I've heard, it's sort of amateurish. Amateury.

In like Iowa and shit. Yeah, that's so weird because it's mostly in Iowa. What I've heard. I know, but it's a specific. You can't tell what I'm talking about. I'm turning red. It's a specific, honestly, because it's one of the categories in that is Iowa.

So, no, oh me, you fucking know, dog. Yeah, you know specific. No, I don't go based on like, my kick isn't like, I gotta need some Idaho people. It's not that, I just look at the things and I'm like, I don't care where that's happening. Whatever weird hotel room they're ruining. There's too many of them, some of them are wearing masks.

I don't want the mask. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well yeah, it's like, why is your eyes wide shut sometimes? Yeah, I don't like. Yeah, I don't like, me either. Yeah. If I had people staring at me like this. I don't want it.

With the mask. I don't want it. I want to see who you are. Yeah, exactly. What if you were at a sex thing like that, a party. And you saw a guy with a mask, and it was me. Would that be weird? It would be weird.

If I'm at a sex party, it's weird. Oh, I see. Have you ever been to one? Yes, I have. You have? By accident. By accident, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think you stumbled into one.

I stumbled into a sex party. I think he was invited. No, I wasn't invited. Oh, you were. They all walked me up. What are you talking about? But they were like, oh yeah, just come up with us. Yeah, they come up with us.

So you were, they were like hanging outside an orgy and you were just walking? But they were like, oh yeah, just come up with us. Yeah, they said come up with us. So you were, they were like hanging outside an orgy and you were just walking by and they were like, hey Bobby Lee, we're big fans. So this is what happened, I was at the comedy store. Okay. And you know the hotel next to it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Undaz or something like that?

But it wasn't Undaz, but it was a Hilton I think before that. Oh, okay. Okay, what? Hyatt, she said. I think it's a Hyatt. It was a Hyatt maybe, yeah, yeah. A Hyatt. What? Sound like the she said. It was a Hyatt maybe, yeah. Yeah, a Hyatt. What?

Sounded like the Hyatt. Pfft. Does it sound like Hilton? Yeah, how would you know though? Hilton's don't do orgies. Hilton, Hilton. Anyway, it was like- Sex party, yeah, go ahead.

So it was after one of my shows and it was- Well, which was it? Was it a Hyatt or a Hilton? Yeah, yeah. I think- Find out, Gil. Yeah, find out what it was because I can't move on. It doesn't matter.

Keep going. I think it does, actually. I think it actually does. So we'll find the information for him. Okay, it's on Dawes, West Hollywood, concept by the Hyatt. Oh, you're right. You're right, all right? Yeah.

Okay. It's a concept. It's a concept. Okay, let's start. The concept is you pay money, you can sleep now. It's a new thing they're trying. If you get up or even if you go down, there's some stale bread you can eat.

It's a concept. There's a big hole in the ground and there's water. You can go in it with other people. I know, I know. A pool you mean? Is that what they're calling it? Yeah, that's what they call it now. All right, okay.

So anyway, I'm at the, so at Carnie's, you know what that is? Carnie's? Yeah, the hot dog place. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. So late at night, and what I used to do is I used to go in and get, I used to get a banana dipped, chocolate dipped banana.

It's so funny that these are all phallic snacks that you have to make. Yeah, yeah. Before you go into the orgy. Yeah, yeah. You're preparing yourself. I had no idea there was an orgy there. You were practicing. Maybe I was practicing.

Okay. Yeah, yeah, so anyway, I'm walking back with this stick and then I, it's so funny. Chocolate banana? Chocolate banana. And I've eaten it. And you know what's so funny? Because I used to not eat it all the way

because I like going to the comedy store and eating in front of people and do like phallic things to it. So I remember not eating it completely. Yeah, was that your audition? Did you get that? Yeah. So as I'm walking back, all of a sudden,

outside of the Hyatt, you know what I mean? Pre-Andes, okay? There was probably, I would say, in my mind, it was like about a hundred Asian people all dressed in white. Oh. That's very ice white shot. Yeah, yeah it's very ice white shot. And I, and this is when I was on Matt TV, so it was like, you know, obviously Asians really liked me at that time. Don't they still? No know they've soured on me over the years? Can you check that

So um you cuz you know anyway, I walked by and then they were like, oh shit, it's Bob Ely and they they surrounded me and they said You know, we this is a sex club. I go oh and and they go um, mean, you're not dressed in white, but you wanna come up? And I go, and I was dating Sarah Hyland at the time. And so I went up and they had rented out one floor. And then you know how like hotel rooms,

they have a door that connects the rooms and they opened all the rooms. You could just walk into. Oh, it's like a big, okay. So it became like a gigantic, it's sort of like Comic-Con for that or whatever. You know what I mean? So when you got up there, they hadn't started yet.

No, I was, they started, I remember taking an hour before things started happening, but I don't remember just sitting there in a room and now I just have a stick, right? You were still holding the banana? Yeah. You didn't eat it yet? No, it's now a stick, I already ate it. I didn't know what to do with the stick, so I still holding the banana yeah you didn't eat it yet no it's now a stick I already hate it I don't know what to do with the stick so I

just have did you not you like bailed on your set no it was after my set okay yeah yeah why is that's concerning to you no well cuz you I would have called Emily or whatever I was yeah just for logic yeah because you said you wait wait stop what you're doing right now I love what you're doing cerebral Is you're doing cerebral shit? Are you also doing fucking Sherlock Holmes shit right and you're trying to catch me in a lie? No keep going okay? Yeah, well cuz you said that you would eat the banana so you could eat half of it on stage And now you're saying the show's already done So what the fuck what shows done you said you'd already done your set?

But then you said that after my, this is what I said. After my set, I went to the fucking carnies. I got a fucking chocolate. Yeah, but you said sometimes you'd eat half of it so you could go on stage. Right, so by the time I see the white people, all in white, I have half of a stick now. Okay. Right?

And then I go upstairs, and by the time I'm sitting there, and the thing is, it's now just a stick because I already ate it. No, you're not getting it. Oh my God. Here's what you're not getting. Is you said that this party happened after your set. That's right.

Right, and you said that you would buy a banana and take it over to the comedy store as a part of your set. So how could that happen? Not a part of my set. I would fuck around with people outside, like comics in the parking lot. I see. Oh, not on stage.

No, not on stage. All right, well, the defense rests. Yeah. Sorry. When you're feeling good, ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare highly quality in-network doctors, choose the right one for your needs, and click to instantly book an appointment. We're talking about in-network appointments with more than 100,000 healthcare providers across every specialty from mental health to dental health,

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You're a red bull, buddy. You need to take a second? No, no, wanted to get a picture. So you're in the hotel room, it's an hour before before the orgy starts and what is happening in that hour? I'm doing small talk Like hey, what's your shoes? I'm doing you know and then I'm sitting there and so I end up in a room I've told this story before but I'm in a room where there was just two beautiful Asian girls Were you having like, feeling guilty because you were with Sarah?

No, because she said that I could go to strip clubs. Oh. You know what I mean? That like, don't get lap dances. So different. If I tell my partner, hey, you can go to strip clubs and he ends up at the Hyatt, all dressed in white. I'm not dressed in white.

Oh, but- I'm not dressed in white. Okay, that wasn't the part of the thing. He's defending the white part. She shouldn't have said it. I agree with you. Thank you, thank you. That does not negate her argument.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, so, yeah, yeah. But anyway, so, yeah, I'm not dressed in white, also, and also, to me, I know I'm not gonna do anything. Okay. So to me, it's just being a voyeur. You're doing, it's like a sociology excursion. Yeah. I get it, I get it.

Anthropological. It's anthropological, yeah, for sure. Okay, and things with you and Sarah Hyland didn't work out? Eventually we didn't, no. Oh, wait, wait, so what you're saying to me is, it's this kind of behavior that destroyed a relationship, is that what you're trying to imply? I didn't say that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I know. But you're implying something. I was just asking. Okay. Yeah, you know, a lot of times my relationships, mostly all of them, didn't work out.

It happened. And maybe because of my behavior. But let's, can I get back to the story? Yes, please. Okay. Yeah, I never heard this story, so I'd love to hear that. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, I never heard this story, so I'd love to hear that. Hey, yeah. Hey, this guy's smart.

He's a hero, I see what you mean now. What'd you say? What was the word I used? Cerebral. No, him. Yeah, from X-Men. From X-Men. From X-Men.

Yeah. A cerebral? Cerebro? Cerebro. It's the same thing, right? Yeah. Cerebro is someone who is cerebral, like a cerebro. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, dude, I'm honestly, dude.

Cut that out. Yeah, yeah. So I'm sitting there on a couch, and I'm in a room with two ladies, and they just start getting undressed, and start making out on the bed. Now I'm sweating at this point. Sure. You know what I mean? Because I don't know what to do. I don't know what's going on.

But also I'm very erect as one does. Why I can't say that for the YouTube? You can. Okay thank you. So um and then here's where the danger happens. Okay. They stop. I'm sitting on a couch with my stick. I think I put the stick down. Anyway, I don't know what I would do with the stick. Just erect with a stick. You're just sucking on an empty stick, watching two girls go at it. Or maybe I just have it in my mouth, like it's like a.

It's toothpick. Thank you so much, hi man. So. He's so quick. He's so quick, dude. And so they start whispering. They start, I don't know. Can I ask something?

I have one question. Why haven't you thrown the stick away? Good question. Why do you have the stick? Well, I don't remember, because this was a long time ago. But I would assume I didn't want to be rude and just throw it on the ground, because maybe I didn't see a trash can or whatever.

It was a new concept, this hotel. They didn't have to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe it was the ground because maybe they didn't see a trash can or whatever. It was a new concept, this hotel. They didn't have to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe it was the transition, I don't know. Yeah, they were worried. Yeah, so anyway, I'm sitting there, and here's the danger, they start whispering, looking at me and then whispering,

which is always, which is also erotic. So they're going. I would think that they would be like, oh, they're making fun of me. Oh, right. But it wasn't the vibe. The vibe was like, why is he sitting over there? Right.

He should bring his empty stick over here. Yeah, but then they get up from the bed and they come toward me. Okay. Right, and now I'm like, I don't know what to do. It's like fight or flight. And then one girl starts kissing my neck. Oh my God.

Right, and the other girl is rubbing my jeans and trying to unbuckle something. And I literally, my instinct was I just shot right up. Not my dick, my body. And I ran out of there. That was it. That was it, and I pressed the buttons, yeah. And I still regret not doing it.

To this day. You wish you'd done it. Because it didn't work out with me, sir. What's the big deal? Yeah. This story would be very different. It'd be different, yeah, yeah. But it was like one of the,

but you know, I've never cheated on anybody, so I mean, that's a good thing, you know what I mean? Yeah, no, that's great. Yeah, yeah. That's a wild story. Did you find out what their group was? No, I never did. Is there a website or something?

I don't know. I mean, what would you have done? I would not have gone in. Because I don't want to make... I'd rather not make any small talk. So if I can avoid an hour of small talk, even if it's a great orgy afterward, all I'll think of is that's small talk.

I feel like if it was you and I, I feel like I could convince you to go up there Okay, so you're an Asian in wearing white convince him. No, no, I'm not okay. I'm not be my baby. Yeah Yeah, I mean come here. I know but you're not gonna do anything. I Mean you're just gonna go up there. It's like witness that going to the zoo. Yeah But how would how would our significant others feel if we go up there? You're gonna do anything? You're just watching. I mean, if you watch two people make out on a fucking movie,

is that wrong? Yeah, but they're not really there. I'm not in a hotel room with them. People on the movie screen don't wanna make out with me. I understand, but this is a chance of a lifetime. When is this ever gonna happen? This is never gonna happen. Let me run it by my wife.

No, please don't tell her. But then you know it's wrong. Oh! Cerebral. Whoa, that cerebral shit, dude. Wow, dude. You're right, you're right. Okay, but, I know, but, Kamil, it is right.

I think it's awesome that you went. I genuinely do. I have truly no judgment or anything. I'm glad you went. And you should have done it. But you didn't, because you're a good guy. I know, but what I'm saying is, so in life, you just don't go to dangerous zones like that.

I do not crave danger in my life, no. You can't put yourself in a situation where something horrible might happen. I stay away, I don't bungee jump, I don't get on a motorbike. My life is. Well, let me ask you some things that you, so you've never, I've swam with sharks before. We've done that.

Right, but that wasn't danger for us. I mean, when they tell you the rules, I think there is danger. It's very controlled. Don't lock eyes, don't splash, all that stuff. Why would they give you those rules? Don't lock eyes. No, you have to lock eyes.

I mean, do lock eyes. Oh, see, that's what I was about to do. You did the opposite. You did the opposite. Wait, so if you're with a shark, only way to be safe is to lock eyes with them? Yeah, because it's an apex predator. It has to know that you're watching it,

so you have to apex predator it back. This does not feel like a safe situation. Exactly, so would you do that? If there was a class. Eyes are on the side of the head, so I have to go around. What do you mean? With either sharks that look like Michael Shannon?

What the fuck are you talking about? Hammerheads. You're not wrong. I mean hammerheads have their eyes right there. Okay, okay, my bad. They're Michael Shannon sharks, okay. I can't genuinely picture a shark's eyes right now. Yeah, they're beady.

They're beady. Yeah, they're. Yeah, and black. Lifeless, like a doll. Yeah, but also when it's really, really clear water and the visibility is really good. They know exactly what you are They're not gonna mistake you for something else. It's only like murky water So when we went it was like maybe 30 40 sharks, but it was completely safe I would think that if you're presumably on a vacation with the guide all this they wouldn't put you in a situation where

Right danger would happen. But I will say my wife and I, we were away just a couple months ago and I did not go scuba diving because I was scared. And then I, on my own, tried it later and it was so fun and I wish I wasn't scared earlier. So now I would swim with sharks knowing that... because like I can't swim. What do you mean? What do you mean? He can't swim. Oh that's thank you. Is that what he means?

That's what he means? Thank you. I swim for the Philippine National Team and I swim collegiately too. Really? Yeah. Wow. If you need, if you really want to learn how to swim, I got you. You can, you can teach me how to swim? Yeah. I panic. That's exactly why you can't swim. Yeah. Because when you tense up, I tense up. Your muscles actually, when the more relaxed you are, the more buoyant you are. But also you might just be generally anatomically dense and there are some people who sink a lot more. Yeah. But there are are ways around that I need to figure it out. Yeah, I don't know You're the you're the fucking buffest Comic I fucking know. What are you talking about?

You're the most fit comic I've ever met in my whole fucking life and you're scared of what are you talking about? Oh, yeah, these are decorative. They don't work. Oh, oh. They're useless. They don't work. They don't work. I see. Wait, but that's a bigger psychological feat

to not know how to swim and then go scuba dive? Yeah, but it was pretty safe. And you know, it felt pretty safe where we were. It wasn't that deep. It was pretty shallow. But I wish I'd gone. Yeah, and I don't know how to swim because I had ear problems when I was a kid.

And so I wasn't allowed to submerge my head in water. And so until I was like, you know, in my teens. And by then- You still have an ear problem? I don't know, but every now and then something happens. Like an infection? Yeah. Oh wow. Yeah, but it's okay now, I got surgery for it.

Oh you did? Okay, good, good, good. Yeah. Thank God. Yeah. That's nice. You don't care. I do care.

I do care. Okay. I do care, I mean it's an interesting thing. That like you get, you might even get an infection. Yeah. Yeah. And we did a burn or? It used to hurt a lot.

Have you ever had a earache? I'm so sorry. I had a terrible. Oh my God, your whole head hurts. I'm so sorry. The three worst kinds of aches are earache, toothache. Yeah, toothache is what I found out. Heartache. Heartache.

Oh. Wait, earache. Toothache. What are your top three pains, Bobby? Well, heartache's metaphorical pain, right? Yeah, sure. Okay, yeah. It can be physical, that's not true. pain, right? Yeah, sure. Okay, yeah. It can be physical, that's not true.

I've never run, ow, ow. Yeah, yeah, someone says ow. I beg to differ. I cried so hard over someone so bad. You. Okay, okay. That like my chest felt like. Okay, here we go.

And then like months after that, I had a legit like heart condition. Like I started getting like arrhythmias that I needed surgery for. So I think my heart did in fact break that's gonna be pretty fucking awesome hi hi anyway no but um so what are your top three what I mean pains okay so um here we go I mean I haven't really thought about it but I think to think I hate to take is real it's one of the worst I used to go get that um cuz there's holes of the worst. I used to go get that,

because there's holes in my teeth. And I used to go to the CVS. They're called cavities. And now I do, I know that now. Thank you. I know that now. So I used to go to the CVS before I knew they were cavities.

I used to go get that oral gel. And then get the cement in that little blue cup. You're making your own filling? Yes. Oh my God. It's like, you can get that CVS, it's your. You're making your own filling? Yes. Oh my God. Yeah, so it's like, you can get it at CVS, it's your own film, it comes with a little spoon. I didn't know you could do that.

You can do that, right, and you scoop a little bit and it's like, you have to, and you cake it into the hole, right, and they last for like 24 hours, if that. How long are they supposed to last? I don't know, I don't know. Like 24 hours. I don't know, maybe even less, but it's like,

they do it for an emergency situation where you're actually going to the dentist and here's a little bit, you know what I mean? But I used to just do it all, I used to buy fucking hundreds of them. Right, right, it's like wearing a daily contact lens but wearing it for weeks at a time. You were doing that with, do your own.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I would do that with my team. Yeah, and the worst is it would like, it would granulate and then it would be in your mouth. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, okay. So anyway, so that's the number one, I hate that, right? Another pain that I don't like is, I mean, I'm the master of stomach. You're the master of stomach. That sounds like a terrible martial art.

I'm a master of stomach. I am a master of a stomach. But I feel like you low-key like your stomach ache. No, I don't. You don't? No, because I'm now a part of my daily regimen is emodium AD. Oh, that's not good, Bobby. I know.

And I learned that from Dave King, Esther's boyfriend. Yeah, but he uses that on an emergency basis when he has a good voice. No, we've talked about it now. He said, I take it before every meal. Hey, you're 52, you need a colonoscopy. Okay, maybe. So did you, wait, so you get, I'm just trying to help. I'm lactose. That's right, he's lactose, but he insists on ice cream every day. Yeah, so I mean, well you gotta, you know.

Master's degree. All makes sense. What's lactose, but he insists on ice cream every day. Yeah. So I mean, what you got to, you know. Master I'm with you on sure. Oh, okay, good, good. But there's some vegan ice cream, like coconut milk ice cream. I've tried them all. I don't like them. I like standard grade A milky ice cream. Okay, and what I'm saying to you is, I take Amodium AD and other things so that I could have that.

What is the problem? There's no problem. What ice cream do you like? What's your go-to? Well, I'll tell you my, thank you for so much. Do you know? No.

Bluebell. What? Is it Bluebell? No. Blue Bell. What? Is it Blue Bell? No, flavor. Oh, flavor. Right? Flavor or brand.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not Blue Bell, I've never heard of that. Okay. Is it Blue Bell? We don't know. We have no idea what the fuck you're talking about. The brand ice cream. Yeah, let's just move on from it.

You can just say Blue Bell, we'll keep it in. You know what I mean? And there's confusion in there and that's fine. We can let it go. Okay, oh you're right, Blue Bell. Good for you. No, not Blue Bell. Yeah, yeah, yeah, very good.

That's your favorite ice cream. No, that's not my, I mean, I've never even heard of that before, I would just, you know what I mean? You never heard of Blue Bell ice cream? You've heard of Blue Bell. It's classic. Yeah, I've heard of McConnell's, is that one right? Breyers.

But that's fancy, Blue Bell is not fancy. Okay, yeah, I do fancy. That's supermarket. Yeah, yeah, Salt and Straw. You're talking about boutique ice cream. Yeah, yeah, I like boutique stuff. Yeah, so, you like Salt and Straw? I think if I had it to be okay, you know what I mean?

It's too many risks. Here we go, tell me. Too many, like I don't need a blue cheese ice cream, guys. Right, right. I don't need like an olive and rice flavored ice cream. Yeah, yeah, I don't like it. Give me something to hold on to. You're gonna go weird, like you know,

if you're gonna go like, what's a weird, like popcorn, make it strawberry and popcorn so that I got a way into it. Right. Otherwise- Because what they do is they'll add balsamic vinaigrette. They love balsamic- They love it, what? Oh my God. Balsamic vinaigrette. They love balsamic. They love it, what?

Oh my God. Balsamic vinaigrette. That's not where it goes, guys. It doesn't go there. It goes on salad. Bread. Yeah, bread. You say salad, I say bread.

Tomato, tomato. Whatever, tomato, tomato, all right? But they go too fancy. And I always am like, whoa, if they're selling it, it's gotta be good. So then I always get the weirdest fucking flavor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. just then I throw it out I mean, I'm just an analogy

I think this is gonna be wrong, but it's like it's like having a superpower like Wolverine has claws But then there's also some other mutation that happens where like a little red thing pops up in the little face I don't know. Let's move on Wait, what is that power? No, I don't know that power. Yeah, what is that? No, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I

was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was you have with the claws, right? But then having some sort of obscure thing that happens where a little face comes out of your head, a little red face, and it just goes, yabba dabba doo, or whatever, right? Yeah.

No, but what does that have to do with ice cream? It's too extra. Okay, like the ice cream flavors. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's what I was after. Right, so you're saying like strawberry. Yabba dabba doo! Yeah. I think I figured this out.

Yeah, yes. I think he's saying that like normal flavors like strawberry, chocolate, vanilla are like flying or super strength or plod. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then when you get into like popcorn and vinaigrette. Right, right. Then you're getting into some weird.

But there was this one restaurant in Tulsa that he said it was his most favorite salad ever and the dressing was not dressing, it was ice cream. That sounds great. But can you be more specific then? Do you remember? Yeah, I do, I do. But it was cheese ice cream, right?

Blue cheese, right? Yeah, it was blue cheese. No, it wasn't blue cheese ice cream. It was a cheese. It wasn't blue cheese. There was blue cheese on the salad but there was pistachio ice cream. No, there was cheese blue cheese ice cream. It was a cheese. It wasn't blue cheese. There was blue cheese on the salad, but there was pistachio ice cream. No, there was cheese on the ice cream

and I literally bet my limbs on it. Okay? I bet my limbs on it. The place, I think. You're just trying to back her up and I don't like that. Okay? I've eaten it more than once.

There was some sort of cheese in it. So you guys aren't into the whole Wanderlust creamery, all the different like Southeast Asian flavors. No, I've tried that, because to me those are like things that go in ice cream just not here, you know? So it's like a new fruit. Somewhere in the world this is past the test, right?

To me, I like going there, because I'm like, all right, let's see what they're doing in Indonesia. Let's see what fruits they're making ice cream out of. Because I feel like they've approved it, and I want to try it. Here I feel like sometimes, and I do love Salt and Straw, they have a lot of great flavors.

What a great place. Great place, great place. I love Jenny's, great place. Great place. Great place. Great place. I just feel sometimes when they go really crazy with it, it doesn't feel like it belongs in there.

Like for instance, another thing, like you guys know what turmeric is? Yeah, I know what turmeric is. My people, we're the original turmeric people, right? Yeah, I'm gonna- What's your people? Well, you know, brown people. Yeah.

Whatever I am. Okay, whatever. Yeah. Yeah, I don't see color, dude. And I feel like it's gotten cool here now, and now it's like turmeric muffin. Like that's not what it's for. That's not how you-

Well, what's turmeric for then? It's for like, you know, it's for. That's not how you do it. What's Tuberok for then? It's for like, you know, it's like you use it to, it goes in normal food, it'll go in like savory food. Yeah. You can use it as like a medicine medicinal, there's medicinal uses to it. It does not go in fucking muffins. But sometimes, let me make the opposite argument, okay?

Camille, all right? Yeah. Is I was in Montana and I was on the fucking Instagram, like one does, during a day when they has nothing to do. I was scrolling like other human beings, okay? Why are you so defensive about being on Instagram? Yeah, we get it. You were on Instagram.

I don't know why. And that's something, okay, so anyway, you're right, I'll lower my energy here. Yeah, man, lower your defenses. Yeah, yeah, defenses, yeah. We're all friends. Yeah, yeah. So I was just, you know, on Instagram,

and you know, I get targeted things, and I got targeted this, a cologne called White Rice. By like, Anon or whatever, whatever. Why, you don't need that, you already smell like it. Keep going. Well, I'm wearing it now. Yeah. Wait, but that sounds like a Diaz Durga, By like on on or whatever whatever. Why don't you don't need that? You already smell like it keep going Yeah, yeah, but that sounds like a DS Durga because DS Durga has the pasta water. Yeah. Oh I'm total white rice too. By the way, I'm from a white rice people. Yeah. Yeah, I'm a white rice I'm a white rice people. I'm white rice based but there's a cool. I bought it immediately 110 dollars. Yeah. Yeah, how does it smell? I have it in the car, I can bring it.

But what are the notes, Gilbert? Vietnamese, so it's saying... White rice. Jasmine, it's white Jasmine rice. White Jasmine rice. The smell of just, unlike the... Oh, pandan! I love pandan!

Me too, I love pandan. You fuck with pandan? I love pandan. I'm a pandan girl. I'm from the Philippines. When you mentioned Wanderlust, that was the first flavor that popped in my head. The pandan tres leches. Yeah, the pandan tres first flavor. The Pandan Tres Leches.

Yeah, the Pandan Tres Leches. I love Pandan. Me too. I was just in Singapore and we'll let you know when we want to talk to you again. I fuck with Pandan so hard. Sorry. You're back.

Yeah, yeah. We don't need to Google Bondan, dude. It's not Bondan, it's Pandan, get it right. It's a leaf? It's a leaf that's used like that. Aromatic. They make that cake out of it. They make cake out on dude. It's not bond on, it's pandan, get it right. It's a leaf? It's a leaf that's used like that. Aromatic. They make that cake out of it. Oh they make cake out of it.

It's so good. Okay, it's pandan. Pandan. It's so good. Pandan. All right, so I went and got, I blindly ordered it, came to my house, when I got for the airport, it was in front of,

it was in that living room down here. Anyway, I really like it, but it's white, right? Who would think, that's why, with ice cream, you never, you have to experiment. You never know is what I'm saying. That's true, and I do experiment. Okay, thank you. I agree with you.

Yeah, good. With the experimenting, salt and straw, I'll try a few things. Okay, good. But can I just say about, you were talking about like the foreign ice creams with indigenous local things. Okay good. But can I just say about, you were talking about like the foreign ice creams with indigenous local things. Like in India, right? So what would be something that they would use in their ice cream that's indigenous? Like for instance, I'm Pakistani but we have a lot of the same

fruits and stuff. There's a thing, there's a fruit called, I think they call it a custard apple here. We call it a Sharifa growing up. And it's not a fruit I've seen here. We make ice cream out of it and it's so fucking good. But can I make the argument that you're only using that because that's all you can get? We can get apples and bananas. All we can get.

Like, hey, we don't have anything else, excuse the deaf. What is that? Is that your part of India? I didn't want to be racist. Is that Pakistani? You know what we call that? We call it Atis. Atis? Atis.

It's kind of like Cherimoya is the closest thing to it. Cherimoya. That's right. Cherimoya. So we make ice cream out of that? We call that tree poo. No, it's so good. It's so, so good.

It's so good. And the other one we use, the American name for it, we call it Chiku, but it's called sapodilla. Yes. We call it Chico. Chico? Yeah. So it chico, but it's called sapodilla. Yes, we call it chico. Chico? Yeah, so it tastes like chocolate, it's a brown fruit. It's so good.

It's so good. And I scream out of that. It's really that good. So if I order that online, it's gonna be that good. It's the best, Bobby. It's so good, dude. This is the best. Okay.

We have the same fruit, do you guys have soursop? Like, over here they call it guanabana, but it's also, we call it guia-bano, but it's similar. I would need to see. Bigger than that. It's a little bit like tart. No, we don't have that.

I haven't seen that. I don't know that one. That one you have to try. I don't know her. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. All right, so fuck that. So anyway, let's.

But we have, I want to put this to rest. We have other flavors we can use for ice cream, bro. That's what I wanna, I don't believe that. You don't believe that? We have way more fruits in Asia, just in comparison to what's told here in the program. I think we have the better fruits. No, I don't, I refuse, I refuse to believe.

Especially the banana, you guys only have one Cavendish, boring. Because it's the best kind, I'm so sorry. It's not, it just stays on the fucking shelves better. But there's so many better fruits in Asia. It's so perfect, you peel it, it's the best kind. I'm so sorry. It's not. It just stays on the fucking shelves better. But there's so many better fruits in Asia. It's so perfect. You peel it, it's the whole thing. Oranges. That's what other bananas do.

No, no, the other ones do not. No, no, no. I feel like the other bananas are hard to, like, peel. What? They're greener, they're harder, you know what I mean? You're just talking about unripe bananas. Right. Oh, some of them are yellow, but these Asian bananas are all green.

Oh, my Asian bananas turned American in my house. I'm just very, you're right, okay. A week later. What's better than fucking red delicious apples, though, is what I'm saying. Oh my God, you really got me excited with the Chico thing. Yeah, yeah, a million. Because no one knows what I'm talking about,

but I loved it growing up. You know, I drove, I got like a hankering for it a couple months ago, and Emily and I drove to five different Indian stores, and we found Chico Ice Cream. There's Chico here? Oh, ice cream. Ice cream. Because you don't get the fruit.

You don't get the fruit. But like, what's your mango situation in Philippines? The best. The best, yeah. We have, especially my island is the, island is the largest distributor of dried mango. What's your mango situation? Blake has never said that out loud before. What's your mango situation? Insane.

Keep going. She's answering the question. The largest distributor of dried mango is the Philippines, specifically from my island. I didn't know that. Yeah, because it's a very specific type of sweet mango that even if you were to plant that seed over here, I don't think the soil supports. It doesn't quite work.

Yeah, the Pakistani mangoes, I mean, it's like if you have one of our mangoes, I'm sure one of her mangoes. And let me guess. You what? I don't like your attitude. I'm just to guess. Yes, go ahead.

Okay? I would say that their mangoes are better. Well, I don't want to. That was not what I thought. Yeah, I thought you were going to hold. Look at that. That's one of my people. Wait, those look similar. They look good. It's a little bit bigger. I bet. And there's so many different kinds.

Like there's really small ones that are really good. I mean, you know, so we have other fruits to make ice creams out of. Okay, I just, I can have my own point of view. Can I take you to Wonderlust after this? No. Because they have the Korea and the Hwache. What is it called? I refuse to go.

Oh, forgot. Hey, what's, oh my God. Go ahead. What's your plum situation? He did a callback, he did a callback though. I love plums. You know what? That's a valid question. All right, because he brought that up. I know your plum situation. Yeah, yeah.

What's your plum situation? Because they have, not tahini, chamoy. Chamoy. And chamoy is like dried plum basically. Okay, what are these fancy? I've never even heard of chamoy. You have to have chamoy. Chamoy is like the ultimate.

All right, so just make a list then, because I've never had those fruits. I've had watermelon as standard, you know what I mean? Yeah, but add chamoy to that. Yeah, yeah. There's some fruits that'll knock your dick off, dude. I agree. That will literally knock it off.

Yeah. Where I go like, whoa, this blows my mind. Yeah, yes, are you doubting you? So I'll eat a fruit. Are you doubting that? Yeah, I'm doubting it. You, I'm gonna eat one of your fucking ethnic fruits. You know what I mean? From the desert.

Hey Montana, relax. From the desert, right? What are you quoting? Yeah, yeah, I don't know. You, and I'm gonna eat it and go, whoa, this is better than blueberries. Yes, yes. You know like juicy fruit gum, when you were younger, you loved it, right?

What's that based from? it's based off a jackfruit right the flavor you jackass Fucking jackfruit fuck you know jag. Okay. Good. I love you Anyway, well jackfruit is also good substitute for meat now, right? I'm not angry. How do you say not angers, in the same way that, in the same way that you kind of are annoyed about turmeric, I'm annoyed about jackfruit in that way because it is strictly a fruit for me,

in the same way avocado growing up was just a fruit for me. It was a sweet, like, decadent dessert, and over here. Speaking of jackfruit. Okay, yeah, go try, try, try. How was flibing the eternals? Go. Go. Go. It was great, man, go try, try, try. I was feeling the churnals. It was great, man. It was great.

I had a great time. When you were talking about, you had avocado for dessert? Just a dessert. You add a little bit milk, sugar, coconut flakes. Do you squish it up? Squish it up. So over here, when I had to eat-

So it was like sweet guacamole? Yes, but over over here when I had to eat. So it was like sweet guacamole. Yes, but over here when I had to eat it as a savory food, it was something I had to learn to appreciate. I struggle with, I like guacamole, but I do struggle with avocado on its own. It's a texture that I find very tough to negotiate. Mm. Are you one of those cilantro people that can't.

I love cilantro. Oh, I'm made of cilantro, baby. You're made of cilantro? You're saying crazy things. Why? I said crazy came out word. Yeah, crazy. Crazy things.

You said crazy came out word. All right. It's also really fun. I had a fucking great time. No, no, no. The reason why I bring it up, okay, is because I had seen an interview that you did that you said that because the reviews weren't great,

they gave you PTSD. I wouldn't say PTSD. They bummed you out. Emily, that what a downgrade. You got PTSD? No, well, you were bummed out. All these soldiers coming back, pretty bummed out. That's funny. Emily.

It is pretty good, huh? My wife Emily, who is a therapist, was a therapist, said you probably have a little bit of PTSD from it. You know how it is, you make something and you're really proud of it, and it's a very vulnerable thing putting something out. People have much harder lives than I do and much bigger, much harder things to deal with.

That's not what I'm saying. When you make something, you really work really hard at it. I worked on that for like a year. When it comes out and people don't like it, it hurts your feelings. 100%. Yeah, right, it's hard. I mean, I had a little bit of that,

not even even close to what you you what will you bring at Borderlands so you know I'm in this yeah yeah yeah and I'm in the poster I'm in the right there in the I saw you in the trailer it was funny so I went to the premiere it wasn't what I thought it was gonna be it got 10% on Rotten Tomatoes. And I love every, I love- Oh, that's a bump from the zero. Oh. It was like zero last week. That's like a, that's great news. Hey bro, it's up to you.

You're making him feel bummed. I'm sorry. It is a bump up. And you're right, you are very correct. It is a bump up. So, so you went and you saw the movie in the theater. Yeah, and I like the way it looked. You know what I mean?

I was like, oh, this is colorful. You know what I mean? And it's so funny. I have to admit this, and I'm going to... because we shot that years ago, and people would see it, people that worked on the film, like, oh, do you kill it in the movie right you're so funny in it and I'm sitting there in the premiere and as soon as I come on on the screen and I'm not exaggerating you could hear a pin drop in the room like it was anti-comedy right and I'm sitting there watching it my I've been two scenes and I'm watching it going. Oh

That those are all the wrong choices Those oh I did all the wrong choice. That's not your fault though. That's not on you. I know you know when I'm when a movie's good Every fucking thing has to go exactly right one thing goes bad and the movie's terrible I know. So these are things beyond your control. No, no, obviously you can't control it. I mean, you have no, you know, when you get a movie like that, you're like, celebrating.

You can't fucking believe it. Yeah, of course. And when you show up, you're on time, you know your line. You're wearing your cool thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You look like a space guy. And they go, say this, and you just say it

the best you can, right? And then they go, okay, we're moving on. And then that's the only process. You can't go, could this, and you just say it the best you can, right, and then they go, okay, we're moving on, and then that's the only process. You can't go, could I see it back? Yeah, and you can't go, hey, next week, like, hey, actually, it's like stand up, you know, you do a bit, oh, it didn't quite work, you work on it, you come back, you do it again,

couple weeks later, you have a thing that works. Yeah. Movies, it's not like that. It's not like that, no. But you do get to have a few cracks at it, but you really have to trust the filmmaker to be like, make me look good, man. Yeah.

Make it make sense, cause you can't, you know all the colors of that movie, the way it looks. When you're there, you're not seeing that. You're not. The director has it in his head. Yeah. Right? Yeah. And so your performance, whatever you give to it,

really is only, it has to be guided by someone who like understands what the product is gonna be like. Yeah. I think that Eli did a good job. Yeah, I love Eli, I love his work. I know Eli. He's done this. I love him.

And I thought it was a great looking movie. It just, I can't even pinpoint where it went wrong for me, but it just, it didn't do what I thought it was gonna do. And there is a feeling of, because I don't get these kind of movies all the time. I get them once every 10 years. And so it's like, oh I went up to bat, I struck out again, which it wasn't my fault.

And then in 10 years from now, maybe I'll get another shot at a big, yeah. I don't care, because I have a great life. It really seems like you don't care. No. No. No. No.

What I'm saying is that, you know, I mean, maybe that was like for you, for the eternal, that's why I brought it up. Yeah, no, dude, I completely, completely relate and I can say these things to other people and really mean them and I know I'm right. I just can't say to myself. Like, it's hard, it just sucks this experience that you had

and I wasn't there for it so I don't know how accurate it is, whatever, but that feeling of sitting there watching something you think is gonna be awesome, your face is massive on screen and you're saying things that should be hitting and they're not hitting and you just, it's so, for me, it feels really embarrassing,

it feels really humiliating. That's what it is. And it's, because you really, it's so for me it feels really embarrassing it feels really humiliating that's what it is and it's because you really it's hard i mean it's hard acting's hard you're putting yourself out there you know and yeah when people reject it it really feels like they're rejecting the inside of you yeah i i i when i watch myself i literally can feel my face blush yeah me too you know i mean and it's such a weird feeling because people are like, it's packed, you're at the Manchinese, there's stars all around you, and you're trying to act cool,

and you're watching, and you're trying to be positive, but you could just feel your face get, you know what I mean? Is it worse than bombing? On stage? Yeah, because it's forever bombing. It's much worse than bombing. It's way more, way worse. You bombed, then you go get a banana stick,

go back on stage. Go back on stage. go back on stage. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But this is like out there. And it's never going to change. You can't change, there's nothing you can do. And you bombed, you know, it's that night, it's gone. It disappears.

Maybe one person tweets about it, but nobody ever does. Nobody ever does. No one cares. This, rotten tomatoes, it gets talked about, articles written about. But even that, in the streets, no one cares. No, Rotten Tomatoes, it gets talked about, articles written about. But even that, in the streets, no one cares. No, in the streets. Yeah, when people see you,

they're super excited to see you or whatever, and it's so nice, you know. It's so nice, but you know, I remember seeing a clip of you with The Eternals, and that could have, that, cause you, that was a huge movie. I mean, you were at a huge part. I had two scenes, I mean, you were in,

I haven't seen it, I'm sorry. The Etern part. I had two scenes. I mean you were in I haven't seen it. I'm sorry the Eternals I'll watch it Crazy reveal. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Have you seen it? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I seen it Yeah, and I'm gonna see it. It's good. I like didn't take that again. So it's more believable Here I'll ask you you saw it I saw. Oh, you saw it? I saw it, man, it was great. All right. Dude, that was so sweet, dude. Did you believe him?

No. Okay, I do like it. It's just, I was on a date when I went to go watch it, but I like Marmor movies, but she fell asleep, and she left, and I didn't get any that night, so. Wait, was is the girl your I'm sorry. I'm sorry. So you just told our guest 2021 is 2021 oh

Hey fuckface just listen wait You just told our guest that you went to see the movie he was in because you're okay Go ahead and your date fell asleep. And then you got no pussy? Yeah, but I stayed through the movie. Maybe leave that story out next time. Okay, yeah. My bad. Did you mistime the roofie?

You're giving him shit, you told your guy you've never seen the movie. I'm going everywhere, man. I'm being honest. I know. Dude, you don't need to see that. You didn't see Borderlands? Yet.

Yeah, me too, yet. It just came out. You can download it. I'm definitely going to see Borderlands. I love those video games. I love everyone in that. I just worked with Jamie Lee Curtis. She's here.

How great. Awesome. One of the best. Absolutely wonderful, wonderful human being. We spent three months in Rhode Island, Providence, Rhode Island. Wow, what's that movie called? It's called Ella McKay.

I don't know when it comes out. Like sort of a, she's awesome. I love her as a person and she's a great actor. Anyway, but this stuff, you know, it's really hard. And you know the hard thing about it is, I was in a big movie, I had a big part in a big movie, I understand that it's perceived failure has nothing to do with me, I truly understand that.

It still affects you, it still affects your career. You're in a big movie and it doesn't do well, even if it's not your fault, next time, it's a little harder for them to put you in it, in the next big thing. So it's hard because it hurts your feelings and all that, but there are also practical consequences. Yeah, I can't live like that though.

I know, it's hard. I can't live like, these are things that I'm not, information I'm not privy to, they're just assumptions, right? So what I like to do is I just kinda go, okay, it's just not meant to be, I did the best I could, I had a pleasant experience. Because I remember Jamie and I,

she, one time, we had both a day off, because we were in Budapest. And she just come up to me, let's just talk, so I went to her room. And I was sitting on the couch, and we just had coffee, and we just talked for hours. I mean, she's like up to me, let's just talk. So I went to her room. And I was sitting on the couch and we just had coffee and we just talked for hours. You know what I mean?

She's like that kind of person. She's a great person. But, and my experience on the thing was amazing. Remember when I came back, I was like, that was amazing. And then it was like, I, and I met great people on it. You know, and I think that, like I just did an independent movie in Montana and I met Jim Belushi. Wow.

And Jim was in the, and him and I would have dinners at nights and then I, you know, he would, then when he was wrapped, you know, because I was there for much longer, he would text me on like, how's it going? You know what I mean? So he was a great guy. And so, you know, you meet your idols,

people you're fans of, and you're in the moment, you're experiencing it, and that's all you have control over. Yeah, that's so true. Yeah, so that's it. All you can do is control your experience of it. You can't control the result, and that's been the big thing that I've been trying to adjust. You know, you're used to be like,

oh, if I do this movie, it'll be big, it'll make money, then I can do this, this, this. You can't control any of that. All you can do is make a decision based on, do I wanna work with these people, do I wanna learn from these people? And that's really kind of it. That's it.

And we're blessed to even, I mean, I- I know, we're so lucky. I mean, we're truly, truly so- We won the lottery. We won the lottery. Yeah, and I say that to myself every day when I wake up. I won the lottery. Totally.

Because life happens and you get depressed, like, right Jaime? Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah. I wanna talk about you, why. That's all I can say. Mm-hmm. It's because he was looking at me so.

No, I love Jaime's vibe, by the way. Whatever, I'm not joking. Whatever energy shift you yelled at him to do, he locked into it. Yeah, because he has three fucking energy modes, right? And the mode that he had, I didn't like. You know what I mean? And so I like this mode. This is a good mode. Yeah. There's a third mode too. I haven't really witnessed that one yet. Oh, okay.

There it is. Can I ask him? Yeah, go ahead. Any questions? Yeah, go ahead. Me, I'm a big fan of yours and this Portlandia, man. Your delivery on like, I'm pretty sure it was mostly improv. Yeah. Yeah, I can tell. That show is fully improvised.

Please, please let that be a question. How's it working with... Please, God, let her be a customer. There is a question. This is mode three. This is mode three. Okay, okay. The question is, I'm a stand-up comic and I don't know, I love your comedy.

I love your deliverance. Delivery. You're getting nervous. No, no, no. Stop, stop, stop, stop. You've got it. No, no. Here's what we need to do. We need to reset because it's gone all wrong.

Yeah, the delivery became delivery now. Right, right. I want you to, let's. You delivered the word delivery wrong. So let's restart with the Portlandia, hopefully with a question at the end of there, right? And let's just start anew, so go ahead. So you have some questions for Camille?

I do have some questions for Camille. Okay, please. I love you in Portlandia. Thank you. It's a good show. Do you have any tips for any new stand-up comics? There we go. Yeah.

I don't think the first part of the question had anything to do with the second part. Yeah, I don't. I'm not splitting hairs. Yeah, yeah. No, split hairs. I I'm not splitting hairs. Yeah, yeah. No, split hairs. I want you to split hairs because, you know, that was, that made no sense. All right, so did you have questions

about Portlandia for Kamel? Or you just wanted to tell him that you loved his work? Because initially you were gonna ask something and I heard the beginning of the question, which was how was it working with and then you cut yourself off and then you switch. You forget the name? This is what happened.

Can I recap it for you? And I think, I love you, I think you're fantastic. I think what happened was you start talking about Portlandia and then as you liked it, a lot of improv, yes, and as you were talking, Bobby was like, I hope there's a question. So then you sort of scrambled to come up with a question. Oh, so I went wrong?

No, let me, I didn't say that. No, no, no, no, no, because I want to learn too. I really am not, this is not a judgment. It's so defensive. It's just an observation, a recap of it. Okay, okay, okay, okay. And so when he said that, you were like, oh, I got to come up with a question.

And the question you came up with was, did you like working with, and as you were trying to think of the name, he jumped in again and then derailed you even further. Yeah. Let me kinda add, did you struggle, I need to know now. Did you struggle with the name, I think? No, I mean, Fred Armisen's name?

Fred, because if you watch some clips with him, like the clips, the skits, you can see his face like... Trying to not laugh? Yeah. Fred's the funniest person I've ever met. He's one of the greatest. And then so there was a second, was there a second question after that? He asked for tips.

How long have you been doing stand-up? A year now. Oh, just a year. Do you like doing it? Yeah. Do you get scared to go on stage? Every time, yeah. Every time. Yeah.

And how often do you write and try new stuff and all that? Every week. Every week. I open up for this comedian from Texas named Ralph Barbosa. Yeah, of course. Well, that's how so that's how we found him. So Ralph was a guest of ours. Yeah. A year ago. Yeah. And then he just was sitting.

He's Ralph's high school best friend. Best friend. He was sitting over here. And he was just beady-eyed and weird. So then we asked him some questions, and then this is what came out. So then in our minds we're like, oh, we have to have this guy back.

So he's done how many episodes of Tiger Ballet have you done? Like six or seven? Yeah, yeah. Maybe more I feel like. More than that. My advice for you is just, you know, you just have to figure out how to be yourself on stage because clearly it's compelling and funny. And the hardest thing is sometimes with nerves and stuff, you go on stage thinking what people

want you to be is what you should be, but really you should just be yourself. That's the hardest thing. But that's the goal to keep your... Like for you, I'm sure at some point you realize like, oh, what I am is what people want to see. It's true when they say in the beginning, you mimic other comics. So like in the last 10 years or 15 years, you would see versions of Chappelle for some you know I mean like if you see a Bay Area comic you see you know I mean laughing at there you know but tapping the mic on their knee. There was like a whole generation of comics who were Mitch Hedberg, the whole generation that was Seinfeld, the whole generation that was Louis CK. So and then after a while you just figure

out you just get more comfortable, here's my, cause I just, when I was in Montana, I was shooting the movie, these two guys that wrote the movie, they're actors, they're from Montana, and I was on set, and one of the guy goes, this guy John, and he goes, yeah, I thought, you know, when I was younger I thought about doing stand up,

I'm too afraid. So I go, well, you're just gonna have to go up then. So he goes, really? I go, yeah. And so what I did was there was a local theater in Butte called the Coval Light Theater. See it's about four or five hundred people. And I... That's pretty big. So I did three shows there. You did? Yeah and I made these two actors go up. How did they do? They sold, we sold the places out and then this guy John was, I was sitting there, he was about to go up and he doesn't even know what he's gonna do. We sold the places out and then this guy John was I was sitting there he was about to go up and he doesn't even know what he's gonna do right and I go I looked at him and I go you have to start

failing now because after a couple of hundred fails you're gonna feel so comfortable up there right because it's the fear of bombing yeah that why we act the way we do on stage, right? But once that fear is gone, you become yourself. And he just walked up there and did it. And it was in the back of the theater. Just so proud. These two actors, they did very well for their first time. That's amazing. They did it three times.

And so you just have to keep going up, dude. And the more you go up, the more you're gonna find yourself natural, like you're in your living room, right? That's where we wanna get to. Yeah, the goal is just how you are off stage, exactly how you are on stage. And as scared as you get to go on stage now, I promise you, I was at least that scared or more.

It was so hard for me. I was so shy and quiet, so hard for me to get on stage in the beginning. It was so hard from, I was so shy and quiet, so hard for me to get on stage in the beginning. It was so hard. I'd be there, I'd sign up, my name would be coming up and I was like, I could just walk out of here right now at Open Mic. It'd be the easiest fucking thing.

I could just walk out. What pushed you, because I've thought about that for myself, because you know, in Open Mic, it's so dismal. It's like open mic it's so dismal. It's like what? It's so dismal and so depressing and there's no way out. It's like no exit, it's like that's Sartre play. There's no way out, right?

You're here. You're here. And it's like, I don't know how to make it. I don't know anybody here in this room that's gonna help me, right? And it's gonna be a disaster. What pushes me to keep going? I mean, have you thought about that?

Yeah, I actually have, because the amount of fear I felt was the biggest fear I've ever felt in my life. The only thing that made me do it was that I needed to. I genuinely just felt like not doing it didn't feel like an option. Like, I was truly good at nothing else in my life. Nothing else would excite me.

That's what it is. And then it was like, this is all I have. And I love it too much. And I think I could somehow, someday, figure this out and be good at it. Yeah. So that's what it was. Did you ever consider a Plan B? No. I never had a Plan B.

I always find that really interesting when I come across like Bobby, you or just comics who like really, really made it. They've never considered a Plan B. It was like Bobby or just comics who've like really really made it is they've never considered a plan B it was like do or die I had zero I had no plan B I also it was good it was open mics were dismal would you start in LA no I started in Chicago my scene was my open mic friends were like it was me Kyle Canane Miller, Matt Bronger, Pete Holmes, Hannibal Burris. So we were all doing open mics together. Wow, what a fucking class.

It was clear, just no audience, just we were performing for each other, and the only thing that mattered was being funny for them. Like originally, I remember there was an open mic we used to do every Monday night, and everybody would go in Chicago. That was the night, you know? And there was one night I was there and it was a big house.

Like every now and then a new person's trying to stand up and they're cool and they bring all their hot friends. It's a packed room. So I'm like, instead of trying to do shit, I'm just gonna go up and do a set. So I went up and did five minutes and I fucking killed. And I got off stage and the first thing Carl Kinnon said to me was like,

I saw you do that shit last week. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like, that's what matters. That's what matters. What matters is originality and finding your voice. The other weird thing about stand up, I've thought about this, I can't think of another profession

that the better you get at it, the easier the actual job becomes. So like for instance, when you're starting out doing open mics, it's horrible, nobody knows you, and you're bad at it, and then now you're really good at it, and you're playing to crowds that already love you. It's not like in basketball, you start off,

as you get better, your competition gets better, so it never gets easier, you just level up. With comedy, the shows actually get easier. Yeah, I do notice that, and I do miss, is that what you're asking me? The challenge of it? Yeah. Like, do I miss the challenge of it? Do you? Do you feel? I think I do. You, you sometimes, you know, when people know you, they're going to laugh at you no matter what. And you start seeing comics when they do more recent specials as they get bigger, the specials get a little less sharp, you know? Yeah, yeah, I think, I'm in a rut right now,

and I don't want anyone to talk about it, but I'm in a little rut, and I'm at a point where I have to do something different. If not, I'm gonna quit. What do you mean, can I ask? You don't have to talk about it. You just asked. Okay, well what kind of rut do you mean?

I just, you know, before when I was in the OR, back in the day when the Comedy Store was dead, because there was like a 15-year period where when I started, no one was there, that I could pretty much do whatever I wanted to do. So I could just go, I'm just gonna do this or that, right? And I find myself wanting to please the audience. And so, and also your like the lineups I'm on now are all gigantic people. It's all killers. It's all killers so it's like when you're fought like especially like Tim Dillon sometimes will have a set where it's like unfollowable. He's in a zone and I sit back there and go well I can't you know I have to I have to to survive. I think you're too well fed.

Yeah, explain. I think that, you know, when you were broke, hungry, scared and had no other options to, you know, live, you were very disciplined about your joke writing. And I think now you live a life that is, like, you're well fed. Yeah, yeah. And things come a little bit easier, and so that discipline,

there's an atrophy there that happens. Yeah, I'm atrophied. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Definitely atrophied. Yeah. Is that a word? Is that used correctly? Atrophied.

Atrophied. I'm atrophied. Well, I agree with you. This is an issue I had, because I didn't do standup for like 10 years, and I started up again. And I want to say this. Yeah. And I had, because I didn't do stand-up for like 10 years and I started up again. I want to say this.

Yeah. And I mean this from the bottom of my heart. It's just been a pleasure having you at the Comedy Club. Oh my God, thank you. Because it's number one, you know what I mean, you bring who you, you've grown into this franchise, right? Ghu-Mail franchise. Well, you're a star.

No, man. It has been fun to be. Well, you're a star! You're a star! You are, no? You don't think you're a star? I may help. You're a star, man. Yeah, yeah. You're a star, okay? And so you're a star that normally never played the comedy storyboard back in the day. I never did. And you came, now you're, I see you there all the time. I was there last night. Yeah, it's a pleasure to have you there. Oh, thank you a great comic a star It helps with numbers it helps You know me the perception of the comedy store changes with people like you because it is great and we're all appreciative Well, I'm very happy whenever I run into you

Yeah, and we without that you and I wouldn't have a relationship. No, you're a very nice guy. You really are. He is, man, you really are. Jaime, Jaime, is he a nice guy? Oh yeah. You are. You said you're like a heart-based guy, and you are. I feel that anytime I run into you.

I really mean that. All right, let me ask you this then, okay? Why is it that, so when I was in this movie in Montana, right, you know the three shows I did, right, you know we made some money, and I got food trucks for the movie, right? And then the rest of the money we gave it to the crew. Great.

Only two people thanked me. Well, okay. Why are you keeping score of that? That's what I'm saying, am I a good guy if I keep score in my mind? Yeah. Yeah. You know what I mean? The thinking. Why am I keeping score of that? That's what I'm saying. Am I a good guy if I keep score in my mind? Yes. Yeah. You're thinking.

Why am I keeping score in my mind? I'm a bad guy. No, no, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What you think doesn't make you good or bad. What you do makes you good or bad. All right, good, good. We all have horrible thoughts.

Oh, okay, good, good, good, good. To act on. Oh, thank you. All right, all right. There's no such thing as thought crime. Thought crime does not exist. What? You're right. Thought crime does not exist. What? You're right.

Thought crime does not exist. Yeah, I think, but I don't, I shouldn't even say it out loud just now. No, but you're, no, no, no. No, that's vulnerable. That helps people. Oh, just being vulnerable. People here being like, oh yeah, I think shit like that.

It's an ugly thought I had, and I'm just throwing it out there to say. Honestly, Bobby, I am the exact same way. I'm like that bitch, ungrateful bitch. I think that all the time. Every day of my life, I tell someone I'm like that bitch, ungrateful bitch. I do that all the time. Every day of my life I tell someone a grateful bitch. Yeah, yeah. Okay, good.

You know what else you could do to be a super good guy? Uh-oh, if you get ripped like him, man. Oh wait, we've talked about this. Look, come on, over the years, Bobby has always said, oh, I'm gonna go through a physical transformation like every year and he talks about it like just over and over again. But we've always used you as an example through a physical transformation like every year and he talks about it like just over and over again

But we've always used you as an example of like physical transformation. Do you think that he has it in him? Yes, but you don't need to do it. It's totally just Love yourself the way you are and beard implants and what he wants beard implants. I would really consider though When I was 12, I had a bigger beard than you. I am not joking. But you don't need a beard. Here's, by the way, what you were saying about the comedy store, the main room,

you're exactly right. That room is not conducive to trying new material. And the people before you, it's like punch line, punch line, punch line, punch line. You go up, you have 15 minutes, it's a packed crowd. Easy to go punch line, punch line, punch line. You can't try new stuff. I had the same issue when I was trying to build out this hour, I was like, when I go to the store specifically,

I could try new stuff at the Improv, kind of. But even there, there's pressure. But the main room at the store with those lineups and those crowds, it's very hard to try new stuff. So I had to find other places where I could go and try new stuff. So where are you going? Typewriter.

Yeah, typewriter, the Elysian. You know, you can hop on shows there and just be like, I'm really gonna try new stuff. I go to Largo a lot. I love Largo. And that's an interesting place because it's a big, it's 300 people and it's a theater, but they really want you to try new stuff

and other people are trying new stuff. So I did it. Yeah, they asked me if I wanted to do my own night there. You should do it. I think I should. You should do your own night there. You'll sell it out, have a couple friends come open for you if you, and then just be like,

I'm just trying a bunch of new shit. And it'll really, it's really exciting. Largo's an awesome place. I agree. It's hard Why can't we transform this the main room at the connoisseur into that? Well, they could do a new material night or something, but why would they change it? It's new right rushing every night, but do you try stuff in the are you in the OR ever? You know, I find weirdly, I've never really figured out how to, I only do the main room, and I do it all the time.

I'm doing it tonight, I did it last night. I don't do the OR, one, cause the show starts later, and I kinda like, the hardest thing about coming back to stand up has been like, it takes my nights away with my wife, you know? Yeah, I'm sorry. So I try and, yeah. You apologize.

Yeah. That show starts later. And also something about that room I haven't figured out. Like it feels to me the stage is, and it's a great room obviously, but for me when I get up there, I feel a little uncomfortable. I feel like the stage is too high for how small the room is.

The original room. The OR, there's like some disconnect for me and it's totally me. I see people kill there all the time. But I'll be like, every other month I'll be like, let me go do a show there, I'll do one. I won't, love it, and then I'll just go back to doing the main room.

Wow, wow, okay. But you do the OR? I'm doing it tonight, yeah. This week I've only called for the OR. Yeah, well that's when we can try new stuff. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Because I just can't, the main room, I just can't, I can room, I just can't,

I can't anymore. It's also hard when you're used to doing your killers where everything is sharpened, there's tag, tag, tag, and call back and all that. When you do new stuff, it doesn't feel like that. Yeah. You really, there's one long story I'm trying to work on right now,

and every time I do it halfway through, I'm like, this fucking sucks, why am I doing it? Then the second half really works. So I'm like, okay, there's something here, but each time I do it halfway through I'm like this fucking sucks. Why am I doing it then the second half really works? So I'm like okay. There's something here, but each time I do that story I know I could have done so much better in that room But ultimately I want that story to be in my special and so I got to keep oh really fucking you have a special in place Yeah, I'm gonna record it in March in Chicago and what you have a streaming place that you yeah I'm gonna do it for Hulu. I want wanna do it, I want to do it at the Vic.

I know a lot of people have shot it there, but you know, I started in Chicago. I did the Vic when I opened for Zach Galifianakis in like 2006, you know? Wow, wow, wow. So I wanna go back and I wanna do it. Wow. It's a great comedy.

Congratulations, dude. Oh, thank you, you too. And do you have anything you wanna promote right now? Yeah, I'm on tour. I just wanna say this too. What a pleasure. Oh, dude. Thanks for I think we really work. Yeah No, I love you. I really am always excited. I was excited to run into you You're so funny and fun and nice like he really is. I'm always excited to see you and and you know It's not sometimes when I go to the store now, it's okay

But when I first started going back there, it wasn't always a welcoming vibe for me with other comics. It's funny, so you're talking about way back in the day? I'm talking about like a year ago. A year ago. Started up again, and even back in the day, you know, it can be a intimidating atmosphere. Yeah, I had a conversation with Demetri Martin about that.

You know what I mean, because he, like you and him are two guys that we never saw back in the day. No. And now you guys are doing it, right? And I go, it's a shame because I've always looked up to you guys and said, I wish they would play here. Because it helps the club.

And it helps us too. It helps us to do different kinds of rooms, different kinds of audience. But I hope you feel comfortable there now. I do. You do, because we love you. But I'm saying even when, you know, when I was going back and I was feeling a little

like people were like, oh, this actor guy's coming to do stand up or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You were always very nice and welcoming. And whenever I saw you there, I was like, oh. I was like, I can't believe it. I hope we keep them. They make me feel a lot better, thank you.

I'm doing a tour right now. And I think when this comes out, I'm in Phoenix, I'm at Stand Up Live, there are my dates, and then I'm doing- I just played it maybe five months ago, great club, have you played it? Really? I think I've done it once.

You're gonna love it. I did one show. Those are my dates, I'm doing- Where else are you going? DC, Philly, Atlanta, Madison, Minneapolis, Seattle. Comedy on state? No, I'm doing theaters. Okay.

I'm only, I started off in clubs, so I'm doing like three weekends at clubs, and now all that's left is Phoenix, and then I'm going into theater. They just wanted the reps, you know, six shows a weekend. Sure, sure. Yeah, Atlanta, oh, I mentioned Philly. Yeah, so I'm going to all these places,

I'm adding more dates for next year. Awesome. So I'm doing about 10 cities this year. You can go to my Linktree, Linktree, Kamel Nine-Jenny, or Live Nation. Yeah. And then there'll be some more dates next year. Well, go check him out, guys.

He's a great guy, super fun. What's that? I did some research and found out you're a big gamer I'm a big video game. Alright, so what do you play? Right now I'm pretty in deep man. I'm playing a game called stellar blade, which is this Japanese Game sort of like anime style. Do you know games? Do you know like devil may cry? Do you know? Yeah, I'm slash them. It's like that. So slash it. It's like a slash. Yeah. Yeah Right you play this guy. Did you play Elden ring? I Do you know that game? Yeah, slash him. It's like that. So slash it. It's like a slash him up. Yeah, yeah.

Red Dead Redemption, this guy. Did you play Elden Ring? I found it too hard. Did you get into it? You beat the whole thing. You did? Okay, give me a chance. No, no, no, no.

I need to- No, no, I'll tell you, okay? You're not a grinder though. I want, I am. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just didn't click for me. Make it click for me, because that's the thing.

I used to play Tony Hawk too, and I would literally try the same. I had a run mapped out, a 40 second run, to get the highest score possible on that, and I would sit there, start, restart, start, restart, and I'd look over and four hours had gone. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what Elden Ring's like.

I want that. All right, so, okay, good. So, like, there's this thing called the fire giant that's later in the game, right? And it took me, I'm not kidding you, eight days to kill him. And I'm talking about like seven hours. It's basically you go and then you're blocked off

this area and he's a gigantic, right? And like two hits, you're dead, right? So you're trying to figure out what led to crouch. Oh, that didn't work. I'm on fire. You know what I mean? Running in circles. You know what I mean?

And then he does something where he lays on his stomach and fire comes out of his stomach. So you can't... What's so funny? You know what I'm talking about, right? And then you're like, oh, I'm too close. And you're on fire. You die, right? And it took me eight days.

But when you do kill him... That feeling. You go, eh! You're out by yourself, right? Naked, by yourself, you know what I mean? It's fucking three in the morning. And you go, eh, yeah. Wait, are you still at the Hyatt, at the Orgy? No, no, no.

But I'm now more leaning toward cozy games like Stardew Valley. Yeah, my wife plays Stardew Valley a lot. She loves it. It's a masterpiece. Emily and I are also playing a Paper Mario game together called Thousand Year Door. Before this, I played Alan Wake 2,

which I thought was fantastic. Okay, what console do you play it on? I play mostly PS5, but I have a Switch and an Xbox too. You do, yeah. I have both, yeah. Yeah. You should, Alan Wake 2 is really good. I'm excited about this new Star Wars game. They just came out

I heard it's not good. It looks so good. Yeah, it looks good though. It's open world. I heard it's open world Yeah, did you place to Skyrim at all? I that's maybe my favorite game of all Skyrim might be my number one DLCs are great. Oh my god, right? Yeah Dragonborn Dragonborn was Oh my God. Right? Yeah, Dragonborn. Dragonborn was the... The werewolf one? The werewolf, well the werewolf,

I don't think one was a DLC. Wasn't it? No, it's the companions, right? And you go to Whiterun. I've done all the... Yeah, yeah, and then you have the option to become a werewolf. But I couldn't really chill a lot with the werewolf.

Yeah, it's sort of like they added it to be cool, but it doesn't quite work. And then you do the, you could also turn into a vampire. Yeah. DLC, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's the one thing. And then you're like flapping around, it's not my thing. It doesn't quite work. And then you could also turn into a vampire DLC, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then you're like flapping around. It's not my thing.

It doesn't quite work. Yeah, yeah. But I became though, what I love about, what's so funny? Same interests. Yeah, but my favorite part of the Skyrim is the DLC is a heart home or something like that. It's where you can buy property.

You can buy property and then you build your own house. That's all he does in Fallout is build houses. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I love building houses and stuff, right? Yeah, okay. But it's like, and then your kids would live there. Yeah. Right? And then, you know, your wife and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then I remember. We all play fantasy games for different reasons. Yeah. Living out different kinds of fantasy. I know, but I would go collect like wooden swords. Yeah. Or dolls. You go up at the store with new material.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I would bring my kids, you know what I mean? And I also give them like a big allowance. Are you? Yeah. Well, they go, Daddy, you know what I mean? I go, here's whatever, the 7,000, whatever. Yeah.

And they'd be like, thank you, the little thing, thank you, whatever. And your little guys are lactose intolerant. Yeah, yeah. But I was a big fallout guy, thank you, the little thing. Thank you, whatever. And your little guys had lactose intolerant. Yeah, yeah. But I was a big fallout guy. I liked Bethesda game. Did you play Starfield? Starfield.

Yeah, how is that? I heard it wasn't that good. I was so excited for it. I like it. Yeah? What'd you hear? I just, when it first came out, the reviews weren't good. It plays like a Bethesda game.

So it feels like Skyrim in terms of movement and whatnot, right? And I found designing your own ship, it's really fun. Like colorizing it. Well you go to a bunch of different planets, right? There's a thousand planets you can visit. And do they all feel distinct and real?

No, there's probably eight different types of bases that it'll just mix and match. Yeah. Yeah I guess you're right. No but I just never played it. I was so excited. I think you would like it. My favorite series of games is Mass Effect. I think that's the best one. I know there was one Mass Effect where you can go and I know you guys are bored, but. No, no, this is riveting. But there was one Mass Effect, I don't know which one it was. It's just like, completely lined up in my face. Where you can scan planets. Yeah, you got to mine and get stuff. Anything that's mining, that's why I like Star Wars.

You like grinding. I like grinding. So anyway, that was a great game, Mass Effect. Well, I want to get into Elden Ring because for me, the fantasy world is my favorite genre. I love space stuff, obviously, but since I was a kid, my favorite movies are Lord of the Rings. I used to love all the sword and sorcery movies

that were there in the 80s and 90s, so I want to play a great fantasy game. I'll tell you, let me pitch Elden Ring then, okay? Yeah. There's a lot of bosses, and some of them are very difficult, but their drops are great. Okay. Right, so I got this cool sword, right? And then here's another thing is that there are just areas on the map you just know you

can't go and so you work toward strengthening your ability to even go to that land. See, that was what was challenging for me was I was like, but I want to go there and I go there and I get killed and I just get frustrated and I try and get there over and over. What's crazy is in the beginning of the fucking game, when you first leave, there's a guy and a horse and he's completely gold, a gigantic guy and no one tells you, I said hello,

you know what I mean, you die, right? Don't fight that guy. You can't fight that guy until like six months later. Well, that's what I mean. That's what like confused me because I've never played a game like that where it's so. But it's so fulfilling and it's so beautiful.

And there's some moments where you're just in a swamp, right? And you're on your horse. It's beautiful. Right? And you're just sitting there and it's dark. Yeah. Right? And you see the little, you know, the fireflies. Yeah. Right?

You hear that, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, right? I'm learning you love in all these fantastical games the most mundane things. Like, give your kids allowance. Well, I have one word for that. I'm mindful. Yeah, you are. And I'm very mindful about my surroundings. You're almost.

And give Camille a round of applause, everybody. Thank you! Check out Kamil and the Only Murders in the Building, season 4. Fuckin' hell. Season 4! I'm season 4. Thank you for watching!