TigerBelly - Lil Rel Howery & Japanese Nixon

Episode Date: January 31, 2024

Comedian and Actor Lil Rel Howery visits TigerBelly for the 1st time. We chat sniffing armpits, Get Out, Michael J. Fox impressions, garlic cream cheese, Beyoncé. Go to PrizePicks.com/BELLY and use code BELLY for a first deposit match up to $100! PrizePicks: Pick more. Pick less. It’s that Easy!  

This episode is sponsored by PricePix. Go to pricepix.com slash belly and use code belly for a first deposit match up to $100. That's pricepix.com slash belly and use code belly for a first deposit match up to $100. PricePix, pick more, pick less. It's that easy. I You're sick again I think it's either I'm sick again or I'm always sick. Like it's one sick. It's one sick since I was born.

I think you have allergies. I think you probably have hay fever. You're maybe not sick with like a virus. Well, I have like a headache and stuff, but my body feels fine. I think it's just a cold maybe. But you are. You are.

You are. You are. And you've always been and you've always been a Ripper you're a rip ass. I'll rip your butt You have already one time and you loved it. He didn't like it. Okay. I um I don't know if I should talk about this, but I tell you about what happened to me in What case city where we're in we're in a city Atlantic City, okay, so I was with Carlos. That's already a hero

A dangerous story and on stage the lady walked up on stage and she made out with me Oh, wow, no, it's a part of the act. Oh, okay You women will come up on stage to make out with me, but they're like actors No, I don't know their IMDb, but they just seem like we're not people. Well, it's not part of the act then. So you're just making- Why don't go, hey, what's your IMDb?

You have an agent, they go, no, I'm an accountant. And they go, oh, I don't know if you're an actor or not. Is that what you mean? Okay, so you're just making out with beautiful women. Yeah. Anyway. That was the story? No, afterwards.

In your face, Colla. Geez, I was like, okay, wait a minute. No, afterwards, afterwards. Thank you very, very wait. No afterwards afterwards. No after this Carlos go They were at the hard rock and Carlos goes Well, then I meet with the girl afterwards and we're at that center bar around the hard rock and she's with her sister and another girl Mm-hmm, and then Carlos and McCone come and then he starts to give them shots You know me and then they start to give them shots you know I mean and then like the girl takes a shot and then her face turns all pale and she has a cup and

she and like first of all I see like lime lime with the meat of the lime the pulp but I called the meat meat of the lime yeah yeah the meat of the lime coming out of her nose. Oh my God. And then a full blown cucumber. I don't know where she ate a cucumber. And then like red vomit comes out of her mouth. The shot was not red?

No. So it's like food that she had like a beef stew earlier or whatever. Or a jambalaya if I may. You know what I mean? And so she vomits ferociously into this cup and we all go, oh, you know what? What do you do? Jesus.

We went, oh, you know what I mean? I just farted garlic fart. Right now? You do smell it? You will. I've had garlic farts all night. Cause I had it, you know what I had last night? Oh, I had a fucking garlic bagel,

but it was so garlicky that it infused into my stomach and not my farts of a long garlicky. But you also eat like whole cloves of garlic. Yeah, but not last night. I'm just telling you the truth. I'm just being me. Okay, so what happened with the garlic? Anyway, she bombets all over the thing with rejumbalaya.

And you make out with her. No, no, no, no, I eat crazy, no. And then she goes um Then I go didn't they go you want more shots I didn't do that, but I didn't do that But you know those guys did sick. Yeah, you know, I mean she takes another shot and then she vomits again Oh, yeah, and then right after that she tried to kiss me I Did Oh, yeah, and then right after that she tried to kiss me. I Did see you took it. I was I tried you know me, but I was like this is disgusting You know at the same time that's why you have the garlic farts. No, oh

But then it gets worse So then I go back to my hotel room and Carlos calls me like many hours later like four in the morning He goes they want us to come over their hotel room many hours later, like four in the morning, he goes, they want us to come over to their hotel room. Like Carlos is a disaster. Some Ethan Hunt mission impossible thing. I go, I don't want to go. I'm still trying to get the taste out of my mouth.

We gotta go, dude. We gotta go. It's a guarantee, you know what I mean? Oh, my god. I felt like I was in college. I never went to college Anyway, it gets worse so we get to the room. Oh you go. Yeah, of course It's like it's like 10 miles down the road to a different hotel

So it's like 430 the morning So cold and I go there. I'm sitting there. I'm going. Why did I come here? And her she's a little friend who's a skater. And she comes up to me with like her fists like this. And I go, what's up? She's like, nothing. I go, and I jokingly go, if you're going to hit me, hit me. And she punches me in the face as hard as she can. What is happening? And then Carlos doesn't say it. Carlos looks at me and goes, are you okay? And I'm like, yeah, my face is ringing.

You're right. We got to go. And he's with the girl's sister. He's a come on. No, I get in the car. Let's go. I got punched in the face. But why did she punch you? That's still a mystery. I'll never be was that her girlfriend? Maybe? Yeah. Like, was that maybe they were in a relationship? No, for sure not.

Because then later she DM me going, did I punch you a couple nights ago? Oh my God. And I go, yeah, she's like, oh, I'm so sorry. I don't know why. I don't know. Oh, she was drunk? Yeah.

Bobby, what are, I mean, this sounds like fun if you were like, like you said in college. I never went that's why oh I never went I'm doing it now It's a problem, what's the problem? Oh, please There's a different part of it's a different life looks very different than yours. I know but you know what? I'm experimenting. Okay. You mean with different college different college vibe wait can we talk about your trip to Austin Why were you there? Why can we talk about it?

Why were you there? Well, why were you you guys were there too, right? Yeah, we'll have How was it how was it being on Rogan? Number one, it was nerve-wracking. I mean, the night before Theo and Whitney reached out and I go, I feel nervous and they go, it's just always like that with comics. They feel a little nervous. What were you most nervous about? Certain things being talked about

But then And but then like but then I was like oh well, but I know him I've never so long as we find and it was fine I think it was more impressed by His club I Thought the club was nice. And I, it's in, in what an incredible achievement. And then, you know, Shane lives there now, Gilles. And, um, I, I, I bought, I think I bought into it. Austin thing. Everyone.

Yeah. Everybody who listened asked me, yeah, is Bobby actually moving to Austin? Yeah. I bought it. Everyone was convincing him every day. Every day. And it was like, it felt like, yeah, maybe. Really?

Then I called Andrew and he goes, no, I go, no, okay. That was quick. Wow, okay. Because I have to do it. He has to go with me. But it wouldn't be a full time. You just have a house there. Now, Austin felt like it, like, it felt like a little LA.

Like everybody behind the scenes, like we saw at the mothership, like Bob was like, you're here too? Yeah. A lot of young guys over there. There was a lot of people, I forgot that they were even existed. And then I'm like, oh, you came here.

You know what I mean? I thought you had quit or? I think they're, is that his people or him? Little real hurry hurry is he here Hi, oh shit careful, there's whoa dude you look different Like more handsome or something in real life Look more handsome in real life Yeah in real life. You look more handsome in real life. Yeah. Little girl, do you live far? I live in Whitland Hills. It was like 24 minutes. Yeah. Oh, so you live probably in a nice house.

That's where Rogan used to live. Oh yeah, I remember that. Yeah, wow, I can hear you So do you go to which what when I have a sergeant what comedy clubs do you play usually? To my LA or just in general. Just in general. Like what's your favorite club you think? You know, you know a club I absolutely love is Nashville's ain't he's that's a great one. That. Yeah, I love those guys too. Yeah, I did a comedy album there. Oh really? Yeah, Dorfman Brothers. Yep. Yeah, yeah.

They're super sweet and the staff is nice. Yeah, it's a good room. It's the audience. That's that Nashville audience. When I played it, yeah, probably 12 years ago, I couldn't draw. So I only sold half the room. So my experience was different.

You went in there like, oh, it's a movie star. Oh, no, no. So my experience was different. You went in there like, oh, it's a movie star. Oh no, no. So when I first started hitlining, a lot of those clubs was like you said, like you remember they had to give out the comps and all that. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But then it's funny when the change happens, right?

And it's like, oh, this is different now. Right. Did you, you could see the change immediately? I saw the change. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. So it first started with like, you're that good that we like, say you do really well Thursday, people start to talk about it. And then your shows fill up and then clubs love you.

Right. We want to bring you back because you're actually funny. Yeah. And then once the, you know, I think Carmichael show, I started seeing a little bit more when get out came out. Yeah. Like night and day. But then it became an audience who didn't know I did stand up. Oh, I'm still that way. They've never done a special. So people come.

You don't have a special? No. So people come to me and they go, does it even do comedy? And then when they see it, they go, oh, yeah, you can do it. Wait a minute. You don't have a special. I never done one, no. Why?

I don't want to. Why? My question to you, Lil Bro, row is why why do I do one? Why do you do yeah? Okay, give me give me a pitch. You're my agent. Oh, yeah, this is good. Yeah, pitch it pitch it pitch it Yeah, if I'm your agent. Yeah, that's fucking so you great ring ring. Yeah. What's up little row? I love so thank you for signing me All right, so so you're gonna You're not signing me. All right, so you're gonna call me.

You're signing. So you're gonna talk to me about doing a special? Why should I do one? Because everybody else did. But what's the... I'm not talking from an age perspective. As a comic who's a fan of you, I think you should do a special.

I would love to. But I'm asking you why. Just do the mixtape. It's great that you haven't done one. And so now you can literally just do the best of, of what the fuck you want to do and it'd be the greatest special of all time. I agree. Yeah.

But my point is, what is the benefit? You'll be a fucking superstar. But I don't, do I want it that? That's a good point. Do I want that? Yeah. Like right now it's like, okay, can I sell out comedy clubs? Yes. Yes

Without ever doing a stand-up special, I can do it, right? And that's like and then I look at CEO You're doing like Melbourne stadiums. I don't want that You're so likable if you did that you will start doing like but I don't want that He's I don't want to be you too or Coldplay. I want to be Fugazi. Why not? I want to be Fugazi. You don't want to be extra rich or... No, no, no.

Look at, look at. But look at that little house I have here, right? This is my house. I have a great life. You're right. You know, I'm going to do one. I think it's fear. You're like, I think it's fear. There it is.

Here's what it's laziness. I don't want to write a new act. You don't have to. You haven't done one. So all you gotta do is do all the shit you've been doing. Right. It's a best of. Your first one to be put out.

I know, but once I put that out, I still have to write another hour then. No, but you have never done one, as long as you've been doing comedy, which means you got a shitload of material. I don't know. I mean, maybe in 20 minutes. 20. I mean, you've been doingload of material. I don't know. I don't know. I mean, maybe 20 minutes. 20.

Yeah, I mean, you've been doing the same thing. No, I mean, like all of my old shit, it's just like it doesn't work. Here we go. I said the best of. All right, the best of it, the best of it. The best of it. You know what your best of it.

I look the best of it. You know what shit you go back to, cause you're like, oh, I love it. Anyway, can we introduce you now? Yeah, sure Your point I think it's like it'll force you Like corner you know writing tomorrow. I'm doing a new joke night and pray and prom I set up two shows in Austin to do do a new joke. I'm forcing myself to do it. Who's action to do a special?

Has Netflix approached you yet? No, I'm not. No, no, no, it was asked. Nobody's action? Well, they haven't. I haven't called my agent go, have they asked? So they already know that you don't do shit, so they don't even bring nothing to you no more.

No, I tell them not to. I go, don't bring me up negative or positive. Negative or positive. Just bring me up like guaranteed. You know what I mean? So anyway, I'm going to do one and... And then they call you and be like, hey how's the podcast going? What you eat today?

Like your agents call you with regular questions. It's like... Which ever dinner? I don't want to be honest with you. I don't talk to them ever about anything. Jesus. It's so funny. I just like talk to them ever about anything. Jesus. So funny. I was on the phone early today, checking my team.

I need more shit. I know I've done that before where I go, hey, I got nothing. And for the last couple of years, I got nothing. And they're like, oh, let's come in and do a, you know what I mean, check in with us. So they bring all the agents. And they have their notebooks and their pads and people like, young guys I've never even seen before,

oh, this is our new guy. You'll be grabbed from me and me. Well, Bobby, that's who you want actually. That's so interesting. Cause like where I'm at my career, like I could do kind of what I want. And so for me, I like the younger energy at the agencies because they like looking at everything.

And like, cause sometimes, like especially we was on a strike for like nine months so I kind of want to just do guest spots on stuff to kind of get back into being on set and acting again but the big guys only want to look for all the huge things I'm like no give me some of these guest spots of the shows I like watching on television. Little Ro, I can't even get the little guy to get me anything. I can't get the bed man, anybody, the fucking mail room. I can't even get the little guy to get me anything. I can't get the mid man, anybody, the fucking mail room. I swear to god. I go into those meetings and then a year later you look back, I got nothing. And then you're like, oh, I'm not

just going to do that anymore. Let me tell you something. People don't know this. I'm going to give out the secret. Oh, give me the secret. Pricepix! The big game is right around the corner. Pricepix is the easiest and most exciting way to turn every game-changing moment into a hundred times your money. With as little as four correct picks, you could turn $10 into $1,000. Expires post-superbowl. Pricepix is really simple to play. I can make my picks and submit my entry in less

than 60 seconds. You know how to do it, right, Bobby? Yeah, quick with rolls, easy gameplay, and an enormous selection of players and stat types are what makes PricePix the number one daily fantasy sports app. PricePix offers weekly promotions that can lead to big payouts like Taco Tuesday each Tuesday. PricePix discounts select player projections up to 25% to provide even more value. Okay, Bobby. Yeah. Let's suppose we, let's choose the NFL, right? Yeah.

And you can pick up to like, Of course. a couple players. You have Patrick Mahomes. Oh yeah. I love Patrick. And you can say. I like Brock Brody though.

Okay, LaDia, do you think Brock is gonna score less or more than 248.5? No, Brock Purdy's not, but Patrick Mahomes, look at him. Let's go baby. He's the guy, dude. Okay, and so basically you just put that in, you just pick and choose less or more. That's gotta be, that's that easy.

That easy? Yeah, like for instance, if you were to do like NBA and you were like, oh, Steph Curry is gonna score more than 29 points. And Bah. What would you say? And Bah. Okay.

Or is Anthony Davis going to, or is Anthony Davis going to have more than two blocks? I love it. Go to prizepics.com slash belly. Use code belly for a first deposit matchup to $100. That's prizepics.com slash belly. Use code belly for a first deposit matchup to $100. Price picks. Pick more, pick less.

It's that easy. That easy. Give me the secret pick less, it's that easy. That easy. Give me the secret. Oh, give me the secret. The good, the really good agents, they have a book of everything. Like it's a book of movies, stuff that's gonna, like it's, I remember I had my book of movies meeting.

And then that book was Bird Box. Oh yeah. It was Uncle Drew. It was like six other things I did. It was in one book. Yeah. Okay. Book of movies.

Yeah. I hope I don't get whooped or shot for stomach. No, you're not getting shot, no, no. Cause it's a book of movies. I think I'm whooped. It's a book of damn movies. I don't know what the book is. It's a book.

It's a book of movies. I didn't know. It's a whole, he pulled it out and it was like. Does it see on the cover of the movies or? No, it didn't say shit. Oh. He just opened it and it was like there's a sea on the cover of movies or it no I didn't say shit. Oh He's over there. It was a book of movies. Oh, I don't even lie about this. I know I know I believe you Yeah, yeah, it's like I just started pointing this I said the book of commercials I think this is a deal I think what it is is I'm just I

Don't get me wrong. I feel like I'm just old, you know what I mean? And there's young Asian kids that are like what they want and it's like I'm fifth on the list every time, so I just kind of go. I like to know that, I know now that you're available, so now don't feel weird if it's a random call for you to be in one of my next things.

Oh yeah, I'm serious. I'm being real, I would do it. I thought you were just like working way too much. Well, I mean, I'm on Sex in one of my next things. Oh yeah, I'm serious. I'm being real. I would do it. I thought you was just like working way too much. Well, I mean, I'm on Sex in the City and Reservation. I mean, I do shit, but it's like, and I just got offered two independent movies, but it's like,

Okay. Look, listing off like 25 things. One with Russell Crowe and the other one with us. It's just said Sex in the City, so. Yeah, yeah, no, I mean, but here's the thing. The things I get is like, oh, you're right, I'm working. I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine. Anyway, this guy, he was in get out, he's a stand up,

but the TV shows movie, Lila Howie. Woo, thank you. Yay! You know, the way Lila says how, Asian say howdy. Yes. That's it. Howie. Howie, how are we? How are we?

How are we? How are we? Yeah. That was not a good joke. That joke was so stupid. That joke was stupid, stupid, stupid, but I'm gonna keep it and I'm gonna edit it out. You know what I mean?

And what was it like working with Jordan? Jordan Peele was amazing. He's a comic. So like, I think last week, cause I'm on like a social media break. I gave myself a break. So I haven't been on social media for the last three, four days.

Was there anything that happened, or do you just take pre-otic breaks? You know something? It just felt like it's too much going on. And I felt like every time I grabbed my phone, before I look at anything, I text for my kids, anything, I'm looking at Instagram and didn't make any sense.

And so the last few days have been pretty chill. I found apps on my phone that I had. I had random game like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cause I, so you know, it's been, so I've been doing that. But like, you know, once again, I posted a get out clip before I went on my break. Like Jordan had me do all these alt bits at the end of the movie. And most people don't realize it wasn't written.

He had just walked up to me and give me a scenario and then I'll just go with it. And so, and that was so much, and he'll be just cracking up, walking to the car like, okay, your auntie single. I'm like, what? And then whatever that means. And so that was so much fun. We could rejoin doing that. Because I only know him as an actor and as a friend.

He's never directed me in anything. What does he like to do as a director? Like, as his notes clear? His notes are clear. And you could tell he's been on the other side of this. And so he treats, he literally figured out everybody's process and work with all of us differently. It wasn't like this, you know, some directors were like,

this is the one way and I want all you guys to work this way. He literally figured out all our processes and just like show love to them. And so like with me, our process was, real, you can do, real you can do what's written, then we'll do a real take. And because you let me have that, I'll do whatever you want. Cause you let me know that I could do something. If I figured, want to do some of my own, it was cool. Yeah, yeah.

I knew him when he had no car. He would walk to my TV. Sometimes he would not be wearing only one shoe. He had no furniture, but he had like, he used to collect those, you know, like you go to Hot Top, you see like a porcelain white, you know what I mean, scary like doll, you know what I mean? He'd have a couple of those on a shelf, right? He would just smoke weed all day. And we talk about video games.

He got me in the Morrowind. Oh yeah. Yeah. And we were on a GameStop once he's like, I'm telling you right now, man. You know what I mean? There's no way in your head you would think, Oh, this guy is going to be the next Spielberg. Nerd.

There's no way. There was just not even you know what I mean? And then it's like, when I went to the note premiere, and he went up and he did that little speech. And I was sitting the note premiere, and he went up and he did that little speech, and I was sitting next to Kala and also Ike Bernholz, and I cheered up. I was like, oh, God, look at him. Incredible. It's incredible. It's so funny when he first told me about Get Out Was At A Party. Wow. And I was like, I just looked at him like, he was like, yeah, I wrote a horror film. I'm like, oh, that's nice. You know what I mean?

Like, sure you did. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And, but it's so interesting, because like, I look at it from that perspective too, because I met Jordan at Montreal years ago. Like, we was drunk at one of those like, you know, parties and just talking shit with two guys of glasses and fucking dumb ass baseball hats and like, mother fuck.

It could have been a sketch, because we just kept d*****g telling you this was gonna happen. But that's where you got the movie. You didn't get the movie when he got the movie. You got the movie years before at that bar in Montreal. He was just, and he was just telling me what he was into. He was a fucking horror fan. And then when you go back and look at some of the sketches,

you're like, yo, some of those sketches were really dark. Yeah. Oh, that sketch where it's like, Keegan plays an insult comic. Okay. And Jordan is like, you know what I mean? A handicap. Oh, yes, right?

And then you go, make money, you know what I mean? If you really think about that fucking stuff, right? That sketch, it's dark. It's messed up. It's fucked up. You remember the sketch where Keegan's like an aerobic sketch yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah George the robot guy like that's showing like they're like what are the families did oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

because they you know what you what's what's great about those two too is like they're just they they live in two different worlds, many worlds. They know so much about so many things. Like Keegan was a religious guy, a pastor, you know what I mean? He would go to Renaissance fairs, but he also can go to a hip-hop concert. I mean, they just lived in different worlds and they are so bright. They have so much information that it's just like, when they got together, I remember the day they got together,

I was like, oh no, this is gonna be, this is like bigger than Wham. Or Simon and Garbara. Did you see that? Like you saw that they are like when, when you know, on Mad TV, was it, did you see them too? Like, so this is what happened.

This is what happened, this is what happened. That looks so close. This is what happened. So, I'm gonna say this this and then he's going to call. This guy's going to call and want to get back on here and yell at me. So check it out. Aries Spears. You guys already repaired it.

No I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to repair it. Because this is true though. So at the time they hired Keegan and Jordan at the same time to replace Aries. Really? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah.

And so they were only gonna use one of them, right? But Aries was so fucked and negative. And he's not Mr. Like Warm. No. Yeah, he's gonna come here and fucking yell. He's warm negative. He's not Mr. Like Warm. No. Yeah, he's gonna come here and fucking yell at me. He's warm now. He's great now. I think he's gone through so much.

That was just your perception of him. No. No, he's just... No, no, no, no. No, I can... You can see it. I'm always a fan. I'm a fan.

It was always... Even when he was being nice, it felt dark. Yeah. Anyway, so they knew so Keegan and Jordan band together so I remember one day we were at table read this actually happened we're at the table read and Keegan and Jordan tell the network can we move the tables because we you know, when you do a table where you read the script,

they go, we're not going to read it. We're going to do it. And like we were all like, oh, these two are going to do something. So they, we pulled the tables back and stuff. And they did this, they did the full sketch. I forgot what it was, but I remember it crushed. And I remember, but every, I would look at them

and I would look at Aries. And I would look at them and also then I would look at Aries. And I would look at them and I would look at Aries. Why are you smiling? Wait, because I'm like, you're done. You're gonna go like that. I mean, they were so good. And then every time that they would write a sketch and they would just perform it.

And I tried to do it once in a bomb. Anyway, but you know what my thing was. Move the tables. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My thing was this. I would tape it. So I would do it, like I would record a sketch on my little camcorder that I bought and I would play like, just like, you know,

that skeleton version of what it might be. So I tried different things, but anyway. Yeah. How was that experience? I get you interviewing me, but I'm a Big Mad TV fan. And so like, y'all was doing stuff that was so like, extremely classic. Like that's for real, like it was, it was, it was kind of crazy.

It felt like it was weird because it felt like you didn't, we didn't care if it was like a, like fitting with SNL, even just a little bit. It was this own fucking thing. Like that shit was, was it just, was it hilarious all the time? No, I mean, if you look at the magazine, it was a, the magazine was a parody magazine, right? So it's like, it was more impression heavy.

You know what I mean? Supposedly on Matt TV. But I think once I got on there were like, uh Cuz you can't do nothing I literally can't do an impression. Can you do an impression? I could do people. I've done people like if I say yelling a guy Can you do it? I don't know like like Donald Trump can you do them? Yes That's it. That's it.

That's it. That right there, right in fucking amazing. No worries. That's it. Yeah, if you did that, okay, I'm going to do a facial thing. I'm going to do a present if you could get. Okay. Um, Richard Nixon.

Yeah, there that's it. I got it too. Yeah, you guys are the same. Yeah. Pretty good, right? Pretty good. You got it, right? You never look so Asian. Asian, Richard Nixon. Japanese girl or Nixon? Yeah.

Coachella. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that was bad. Anyway, I don't know. I don't know how to do that. That's why it took us a couple of seconds. Yeah, that was bad. Oh, anyway, I don't wanna play. I don't wanna do that. I don't know how to do that. That's why it took us a couple seconds to hear it. No, not him. I knew it was Richard Nixon.

Yeah, yeah, because of this. But what if he didn't say president? It wasn't, it's literally, like, because everything, so and the person who read magazines all the time, they're like mostly every impersonation of Richard Nixon. Was that, it was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, let's see Then I mostly every impersonation of Richard Nixon. Was that? It was that. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. OK, let's see if I can do an impression of... I want to do an impression of an actor. Was that just a facial expression? Wait, hold on. Got it. Wait, wait, wait. Michael J. Fawkes?

No, it's just a photo. I was thinking this. I'm not even... You're shaking a lot. No, forget the shaking. Forget No, no, no. I was thinking this. Are you? You're shaking a lot. No, forget the shaking. Forget the shaking, I'm nervous. Wait, forget the shaking.

Forget the shaking, I'm nervous. Wait, now I don't know who it is anymore. Keanu Reeves. No. No, no, no. I would have guessed that. You did the Keanu Reeves. Keep crying, keep crying.

Oh. Oh, wait, I got it. Christopher Walken. No, no, no, you know. You talking to me? Yes! Who is it? Daenerys.

Daenerys, yes. See, he knows. It's the point. It's always, it's like a small thing. Your hand acting is good. Your hand acting is good. You're a great hand in person. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So anyway, you do one facial. You do one facial, see if I can guess it. You talking to hand in person. Yeah, yeah. So anyway, you do one facial. You do one facial, see if I can guess it. You talking to me? Yeah. That was good. That was. That was good. That was good.

It's fucking incredible what you do sometimes. That was a clear denial. I'm legitimately good. And you know, little Ralph gets it. But you have to do that. Sorry. Yeah, yeah. That's fucking awesome.

It's just a lot easier when, because you know, I did a sketch series, Friends of the People, which was your main, and Lucas Brothers and all those guys. Oh my, those guys are great. And so like a lot of us, when we did character stuff like that, they would just throw it at me and I would just figure it out. Oh, you can figure it out.

I could do that pretty. I don't like doing it on the spot, but I like the fact that if I can get it, we could get the look and all this other stuff, and it's easier for me to jump into. Yeah, I mean, what was, do you guys do live table reads? Yeah, we used to do, like, I take, let me tell you, Rest in Peace, Kevin Barnett, one of my, was one of my good friends, but.

Oh yeah, I'm sorry. I used to love shitting on his sketches, even if they were funny. Even if they were funny, I would be so mean, like this is fucking terrible, we can't be shooting it. Yeah, yeah, were funny, I would be so mean, like this is fucking terrible. We can't be shooting this. And he would be so crushed. Even though everybody else would like it,

I'm like, yeah, this sucks. And I remember it wasn't until the show was canceled for almost two years, and we was out one day, I was like, that Black Wolverine sketch is brilliant. For fuck you. You know what I mean? But I told him it was the worst thing. I did the sketch, I was bored. Like, you watch the sketch what I mean? Like, but I gave, he thought, I told him it was the worst thing. I did the sketch, I was bored.

Like, you watch the sketch, I'm like, bullshit, because I absolutely hated it. But it was brilliant. It's Comedy Central. We did it with True TV. True TV. Wow. We had the, we were the first Comedy Central

gave us the pilot deal. And we did one of the worst pilots. You could ever, I remember watching that pilot closing my laptop. I was like, well, back to the stage. Oh, really? You got that? It was so, I literally did like this and like went to a comedy club like an hour later.

Like, well, this is it. Cause this ain't happening. I know. You know how we, but you know what? We're not the best judges though. No, we knew we did a bad pilot. That's why by the time we got the next, another chance to do with True TV.

The first thing, we just was overthinking. We like try to do something way too over-invented instead of just a regular sketch series. So by the time we got to the next time doing it, I remember calling all of them like, look here, we're not doing no creative shit. Just do fucking sketches. We're just doing sketches.

Oh, they were trying to believe, they're trying to think outside the box and connect them in a weird way. Man. Oh my God. Yeah, yeah. No, just go meetin' potatoes. Yes. Sketches.

Do you ever watch a performance of yourself and go, that was like the worst thing I've ever seen? Well, it's because some of the edits wasn't the best stuff. And so you have somebody who kept something because they wrote it. And it pisses me off. And I did something way better than what they wrote. Can you ever say like, hey, let's use that take?

Or like you just, Well, you can if you, this is why it's very important is to start acting for producer credits and not the EP credit. The EP credit is something they just give you. Producer means, oh, I can get those dailies. I can look like, and so I can have a say-so in that. You just gotta put some really specific things

in your contract. But as a regular actor-actor, nothing. You can't even look playback sometimes. I know, but that's what I'm saying. You can change all that, you can ask for that stuff. Oh, really, when you're a young actor, you've never done anything, you can't fucking say that? I'm telling you, after you do some hit shit, right?

After hit shit, yeah, you're a star! My first thing was to get out. My first thing. Yeah, you hit it in the beginning! Okay! So after that, I was telling people what the fuck I was doing. Yeah, you didn't struggle! But hold on, I didn't even understand that.

I mean, you struggled. Oh, don't get mad. Okay. I'm sorry. Listen, I'm sorry. Well, well, well, I'll say this. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. No, no, Bobby, you, sorry, sorry, sorry.

Bobby, it's true to that. It's true to that. Okay. The struggle stopped by the time I got friends with the people. Okay. So I wasn't struggling anymore. Yeah. Like, I was still like,

I was in New York having a good time because True TV at the time, that was a first sketch, like scripted series. So they paid my rent in New York. Oh, that's great. So I lived in New York rent free. Oh, don't brag. And so, no, I am bragging.

Fuck that. I was able to save my money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I had a great time. Don't you love that? Well, you get to decide that. People thought I was fucking wealthy in New York. Wow, look at that.

Look at that. Look at the Lucas Brothers. We hated that photo shoot. Oh, really? They kept having stupid ass suggestions. Wow, look at that. Look at that. Look at the Lucas Brothers. We hated that photo shoot. Oh, really? They kept having stupid ass suggestions. We have a sketch show, but they wanted to eat pizza together. Yeah.

Would these show runners or are they on it? All of us is on it. The Lucas Brothers. Everybody's on the show. I love them. We wrote every sketch together. Wow. That's amazing.

And who's the guy to the left? That's uh... Which one? Far left here. That's Kevin. That's Kevin. And who's the guy to the left? That's uh... Which one? Far left here. That's Kevin. Kevin Burnett. No, we're gonna go...

He passed away. Oh, really? That's Kevin. That's me, Kevin. Oh my god. You're so talented. Dude, you guys cut that part out. The fuck, man?

Leave it on there. No, that's a fucking state. Oh my god. I just want them to all be angry. And we just jump by me in the street. Cut that out. Let's start off. Take this off. Take this off. Oh, my God. I'm dying.

Anyway, anyway, I love him. You understand some Kevin would love that shit. This is one of the only comics that love bombing and people saying fucked up shit about him. So we would read bad articles written by him. Yeah. Even like some of the sketches, like he played Tyler Perry in the sketch

and it was so terrible. But it was so funny. Yeah. We put him through fucking hell. One day he took that shit out of it. We used to do like these little, you know, when it's not the sketchy, do shit in between or whatever.

And we got in one of those balls, you know those, those balls you run into somebody. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. And man, when I tell you he took his fucking anger, cause I used to bully him. Dude, he's like six four. I'm like this, I'm bullying him.

How old are you? I'm like five, seven. I was a fucking bully to him. Okay. When I tell you we did the bubble ball thing and he knocked me like, cause we was doing it in the office like some fucking idiot. Yeah, yeah. And he knocked me through all those fucking desks.

I'm like, how long you been holding this shit in here? He was so angry. Wow, wow, wow. So this dude would never put his checks in the bank. All his checks being his book bag, which is weird as shit. I used to shit like that, yeah. But you know why he did that? Cause he came for money.

He used to act like he didn't have shit. So when he died and we went to his family's house, it's this fucking huge house. These rich Jamaicans. We were like, wait, wait, wait, wait. This how the fuck you grew up. Oh, wow. He's with the dirtiest shoes, the same outfit. He act like he didn't have shit.

Yeah. I say, you came out of this place. Yeah. Yeah. And his father was cool as fuck. It would just make any sense that why he was hiding out fucking dope. His family. I loved his family.

I'm like, can I be your family? Yeah, I just, you know, we've lost a lot of people. We lost a lot of comics. Yeah, I mean, when like, and I didn't hang out with them that much, but when David Arnold, do you know David Arnold? Oh man. Dude. I love David. Dude, that dude over the years has tried to help me so many times.

I mean, even in sobriety stuff, like when I would relapse, he would say things and try to help me. But when we lost him out of nowhere. So a lot of these things also happen just out of the blue. And as a comic, it's just so hard to process it because I'm a human being, but I was so just like, you know, it's just like, I just don it because I'm a human being, but I also just like, you know, it's just like, I just don't know how to deal with it, dude.

I freak out. I know- Same with Jack, Jack Knight. Jack Knight too, yeah, same thing. It freaked me out. Brody, when we lose people like that, man, it's just, it's so fucking hard. Well, the tough part about some of this is too,

we've lost people not only to just like freak deaths, but like suicide, I think. And so like, I know at one point I wanted to like, I do it more recently now and I think more or less, maybe after Jack died, that all of us started checking on each other more. So I'll call people and ask them how they heart. You know what I mean? Just, hey, how's your heart?

Yeah. Because we, as comics, it's just a different, you know what I mean? And you don't know who's really suffering inside. Should we do a check in now? How's your heart, Bobby? I don't know what that means though. Like my physical heart? What does it feel like? Yeah.

Like am I having a heart attack or am I like, or just the abstract meaning of heart? The abstract meaning. Okay. Ask me again. How's your heart? My heart is heavy. My heart is heavy right now. And I'll tell you why. I did Rogan last week.

And then, and just, you know, when you, when people, sometimes when people see you elevate, that's when the nasty shit comes out on like comments and stuff. So it's like, I've accidentally read a couple of comments and stuff that have kind of really hurt me. But my heart's heavy, but it's getting better. Is that what you want to hear?

Or did I do the game right? But that's being honest. I think that's why we asked that question, right? How's your heart? Yeah. It's like, you know, even hearing that, I can understand what that feels like. Yeah. And you know, I think you should all,

even in those situations, because believe me, like doing all these different things, I hear the correct, it's stuff I loved that I did, and a critic can just say some crazy shit. Oh, wow. You're like, yo, what the fuck is wrong with you? And so like, I've started realizing that it's just a lot of unhappy fucking people.

Is that what it is? 100%. 100%. 100%. So when people say nasty things online and comment or direct message somebody and it's negative, it's because they're going through things? It's a mirror. It's a mirror.

They have unmet needs. They have unmet needs. Yep. Wow. Like they think it's gonna feel better if I shit on you because I'm scared to shit on myself. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. Like this, like they think it's gonna feel better if I shit on you because I'm scared to shit on myself. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, I mean, for real. Yeah. I think like when I criticize myself, it helps. It actually helps me. I don't have, like I'm okay with anything. Like nobody can say anything that really bothers me. That's, that's interesting. I really, no one has ever said anything that

Haven't read anything or seen a video where I'm like I'm bothered by what that guy says What is that though? Why are we like that and some people are super sensitive? I think I Think for the good comedians is why I'm a fan of you actually but I think for the people who don't just write jokes And you ever just to be honest about like, look, this what the fuck happened yesterday. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, if you able to do that, it's just a, it's like, even like this group text,

you know, with the friends of the people guy, my group text, the Golden Lords, was like Che and Quinta and all, it's just so many different, like we're all in this group text. Yeah. And we say some of the meanest shit. Like if somebody, if somebody broken our phones,

we're about to be kicked out of Hollywood. I know. Like if somebody, if somebody broken our phones, we'll ball we kicked out of Hollywood. I know, I know, I know. But it's beautiful because it's just thick skin. Even it's just a shit on each other. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but will we, let me, this is an interesting question. So what I'm saying is, did we condition ourselves to be, have thick skin?

Or were we just kind of born that way? I don't know. I think, and that's why I think being a comic is a fraternity. It's such a dark group of people. Yeah. I know everybody thinks us in hilarity, oh my God, you make me happy, you're so funny. You're not doing that again, thank you.

Um. You can do whatever you want. You can poo on the table. But no, I'm just saying, like we just have dark, most of our humor, I know what we do that people people see. But I know my humor is way darker. Way darker. And also I've heard like so many fucked up things, but nothing doesn't bother me. And it's like, but you realize though, in this new age of the internet, people are super sensitive. Yeah, so sensitive. And it's like, it's just interesting, man. But you

know what? What I've learned, it's sensitive because people are fucking mean to like, it's just interesting, man. But you know what, what I've learned? Well, it's sensitive because people are fucking mean, too. Like, you know you can roast people and it's still, it'd be in a sweet way. I think at one time we just got so mean. Like, well, you didn't even hear the jokes and stuff. Oh, right, right, right, right, right. You know what I'm saying? Like, it felt like somebody giving out a hate speech.

Like, what a joke. Hey, where's the, where's the, where's the, you missing a bit? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that's what I love about Chappelle's last special that just came out. It was so silly. It's the silliest thing I've seen him do in a long time.

I haven't seen it. He just went silly. Like he didn't, I think the other ones felt speechy to me. Heavy? Heavy. This shit was just stupid. Yeah. Like you can't be a fit to buy this, it's stupid.

But when he does go heavy sometimes, it just, it teaches you, because in your mind, as a comic, it's gotta be fat laughs. But what he taught me sometimes is watching, oh, you can be real and you can really have, you can say things that can really just silence the room, but in a heavy way. Yeah, but can you, but here we go.

Okay, here we go. We gotta remember that we're a stand-up comedian. You can do that. Yeah. But where do you, like, what made Carlin work, he found a bit. He'll find a bit. Right in it, yeah.

You gotta find a bit. Yeah, yeah. You can't just say this shit and be like, well, that's it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, find a bit. That's what make us unique more than any other, like, entertainers, I believe, as comics.

Yeah. We can find a humor in that. Yeah. Like, Chapelle did a bit about how he was a story about how he was friends with this woman and she killed herself, you know what I mean? But when he said it, and she killed herself, it was so uncomfortable even watching it, you know what I mean? But it was real, it was heavy, there was emotion to it. But I don't know if it's in the realm of comedy, but I'm not going to judge. He's one of the goats, you know what I mean? But it was real, it was heavy, there was emotion to it. But I don't know if it's in the realm of comedy,

but I'm not gonna judge, he's one of the goats, you know what I mean? So, you know. Yeah, but that's, I mean like, I think that's one of the weird conversations we're not having about comedy as far as like, where, you know, I just, I like to find an honesty and I could always tell when somebody feels good

about something, right? I was watching, when I was watching Chris Rock's special, what's it called? Something Rage, whatever, the last one. And when he got to the, I remember calling it a couple of comics that I know, I'm like, hey, he ain't over, he's not over the slap. And I knew he wasn't because he didn't open with it.

Because if you're over something, you're gonna get that out the way and get into your new material you got. You didn't put the, just the elephant in the room,'re gonna get that out the way and get into your new material you got. You didn't put this the elephant in the room, let's get it out the way. When he closed on it and at some point, it sounded like an angry rant from one of your uncles. And then the bitch, like, damn, brother.

Like, you're not over it yet. And I remember watching that, like, damn, because I wish he was, cause he would have, he would have, it would have started with that. Yeah. But is he forced to address it? Like, if that should happen to you and you're doing a special,

I mean, and you didn't talk about it, people would be bomb. I would have recorded a special three days after that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The feelings are still fresh. Yeah, it's fresh. I would have quietly said, Will, look, on some real shit before we get into some gangbanging shit. Yeah.

Because I'm calling all my Chicago homies, and it's going to be like, you got to call your Philly, motherfuckers going down. If that happened to you, what would have happened? You're going to pay for this special. Oh, yeah. Wow. I'm about to shoot this

video. Yeah. When you, when you, I know, but little bro, when you saw that, and you like, you know, happened, how did you feel at the moment? Well, look, I, my last special, I talked about it. Yeah. I was very honest. Yeah. Okay. And when, when I first saw it, it was like, I knew it wasn't like a skit. Oh no. I was like, oh, this is crazy. Yeah. But also, I knew he, I knew Will kind of,

not say he picked the right one, but like he knew Chris Rock wasn't gonna fight him. You're right. Cause I- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, let's throw some, if Denzel said it, would he do it? If Denzel said it, well, if Denzel made that joke, with Will Smith?

Yeah, nope. No, there's no way. Yeah, then we'll throw some names out there. Chris Rock, never, see, probably Chris, Chris, Chris ain't never been an equalizer. Everything he's been like, I know that's what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah.

You did that all the time. You was a little penny doll. That was Tyra Banks food. Yeah. Yeah, it had to be Chris, like Michael Clark Duncan. I can name comedians it with the bit. All right. I don't even know if he would have hit Jerry Seinfeld.

Oh, there's no way. There's no way. I don't even know. Because even after it happened you know the thing about like when I do in my bit when I did the bit in my special I was like you know there's no way that show would have went on. Right. There is no way. Oh that oh yeah that the Oscar. The credit. The credit should have been found. Yeah. Out of it going fucking crazy. You see blood splatter on the fucking,

I don't open it, I'm literally like, yo quest love one for this doctor, but fuck everybody here, fuck you. They would have had to like go to the commercial break right away. Fuck this show. It would have been crazy. Like you would have been like this is hell,

Harry, you ain't gonna do shit. You ain't winning shit tonight, motherfucker. Yeah, yeah. Venus and Sarri, I woulda just went crazy. That's what it'd been on line was like the, somebody woulda had the video footage of it. And I posted it. Because it was weird that like Will Smith to get kicked out. That's the craziest thing in the world to me, that security. Anything else that would happen like that.

A big black guy or somebody with a suit on. What about, hey man, you gotta get the fuck out of here. You gotta get the fuck out of here. craziest thing in the world to me that security then anything else that will happen like that yeah a big black gal or somebody with a suit on yeah what about a man you gotta get the fuck out of here all right but you saw you also I saw a moment after that where what's the dude the maestro the guy that that starts born rather Cooper was like talking to will like trying to calm him down they all were yeah they're all trying to yeah they're all trying to calm them down. They all were. They all tried to talk them down. And Chris Rock is like.

Yeah, no one's around there. Nobody could not be there. No one was around there. Nobody's there. Hey, man, I think Wanda might have. Oh yeah. But like nobody else was like, damn. Can you guys excuse me?

I have to go to the bathroom real quick. Yeah, of course. Can you give me a minute? Yeah. 30 seconds. Yeah. OK. Just give me one minute? Yeah. 30 seconds. Yeah. Okay.

Just give me one minute. Can we count? Do we have a call? Yeah, just give me one minute. It's not gonna be one minute. Here, I'll count her if it's less than. If you couldn't hold it for the rest of this interview, you got some other shit to do.

Well, he's over 50 now. I told him he needs a colonoscopy. He's over 50? He's 52. 52, yeah. Bob is not 52. He's 52. He's due for a colonoscopy, but he is

Really resisting. Mmm. That's not P. Yeah, that's not P. Damn Okay, the kiddie stones He might get kidney stones. Where did you guys first bump into each other? Do you remember it might have been Montreal, man. Oh, maybe before that. I'm not even sure. It's so far, I'm always trying to remember where I first met comics that I'm friends with now.

Like, I'll say about me and Gerard Carmichael, where we met for three. I was at the lab factory, you know, that weird, this is when Gerard used to wear like the same hoodie, zipper hoodie, and he never had a haircut. Just like a kid that needed a home. And his mustache was just weird and pointing everywhere. He was like, and he came and he walked up to me and said,

hey man, you're so funny, I'm a big fan. Okay, who the fuck is you? I'm Jarrah Carmichael, I'm like, why you gotta give me your last name? So just said Gerard. But he was cool. But he just looks so, he looked like a baby. So now I'm seeing Gerard like wearing a fur coat

with no shirt on and go chain. It's like, jeez. The first time I met Gerard was at the Sacramento, no it was at the punch line in San Francisco and he was fine it's fine that was 30 seconds that was over well over a minute maybe like two minutes I'm so sorry yeah I know because last night I had I had garlic he had garlic I had garlic and cream cheese and I'm lactose intolerant. So why did you do that?

I was so hungry. That was all that was available? Yeah, last night, yeah. What, two in the morning? Garlic and cream cheese. No, big garlic. Oh, what the fuck? No, no, no, no.

That's just garlic and vampires that you had? What? No, it was a big old garlic. And then it hit me just now while I was talking to you. And I was like, I don't know what to do. And then I had to do it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry. Oh, God, this is good. You good, Playboy? Are you married? You're about to be married, yeah. Is she here? Wait, you got engaged at the Beyonce concert, right? Full-blown engagement.

Yes, it was a great... It's such a thing that happened to be married. Yes. Is she here? Wait, you got engaged at the Beyonce concert, right? Full-blown engaged? Yes, it was a great... It's such a thing that happened to a stand-up comic that whole thing because it was I I Attempted to play in something and as soon as I went to like it was like Miss Tina, which is Beyonce's mom I asked her which song should I propose to and she told me which song. Wait, wait, wait, let me listen. Stop, stop You went to the Beyonce's concert. You know Beyonce?

Yeah. Huge? Yeah. Yeah, it's unbelievable, I know nobody. Anyway, go ahead. Oh, but... So you went to, you talked to Beyonce's mom. And she told me which song,

I suggested a propose to. Holy shit. And she told me which song I should, I could suggest a propose to. Holy shit. And then by that time she was like, well Jay pitched to have the camera come over there and all this other shit. I'm like, okay, now it's getting crazy. I just wanted to know the song. And I had, so it was a big, huge,

like guy behind me who was just losing his shit, he kept spilling his drink on me, the whole fucking constant. Yes bitch! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he spilled his drink on me the whole fucking concert. Yes, bitch! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He spilled his drink on me. And I went to the bathroom and as soon, because I was like, I might as well pee

since I've been holding it for like two hours. And I've been there and literally the song popped so, and I'm like, I'm 44, so like, I can't just stop to pee. So I was like, hurry up, please. And so we all was at the end of the song. That's how long I was beat. And I'm running back to the seat, trying to find a seat.

You know, Beyoncé does it where it goes acapello. And it was going way too long because I couldn't find a seat. And people were singing like, baby, it's you. Like, why are we still singing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I finally found a seat and saw the camera man was fucking sweating. It was so fucking crazy.

I was so nervous. You were, and then did you know she was gonna say yes? So at first I did, I felt. Like when I bought the ring, I was like, oh, this is a yes. And then my son, who's 14, this asshole was like, yo, dad, what did she says? No. I said, what the fuck, man?

So now it was in my head. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so. She said yes at the time, right, right, right there. When I went down on Wendy, she was like, what the hell are you doing? Like, she was just asking, are you okay? And I was like, no, baby, I'm trying to propose.

She said, what? I'm trying to propose to you. She said, I thought, well, you married me and then after the rain, she just started crying. Oh. And you know, that was a special day. That's so sweet, I have goosebumps. Yeah, how do you know though?

You know, I teach me. Well, I knew maybe our fourth date, maybe. Wow. And that's cause I've been divorced before, first of all. I feel like I got a better handle on what all this shit is. Yeah. And it was just, it was just the way she saw me. I had a really vulnerable moment one time

I was shooting a movie and some drama happened. And I had like a crazy conversation with the producers about everything and I kind of snapped. And I was like, yeah, I told they is. And then I got off the phone like, oh god, I'm done. Right, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. And I started tearing up and she didn't look at me

as being weak or anything. She bought me some crab legs, I look crab leg. And just sat there with me. You saw you vulnerable. Yeah, it didn't make me feel like I was less than anything. Oh my. You know what I'm saying? That's it.

Yeah, and so I was like, okay, I'll fucks with that. Yeah. You see me vulnerable? You cried at me just two days ago. That's right. You came over the house and you. Yeah, yeah. That's right. That's right. You soaked. I saw. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because you know, we used to see each other. Yeah. Ten years. She's my girlfriend. Ten years.

Yeah. I used to live in this house. She's lived in this house. So yeah. Yeah. Good. We're going to. We broke up two years ago, two years ago. It's been a while. Yeah, we still do this. Y'all don't miss it? I miss this a bunch. No, we do.

We see each other all the time. Why did y'all break up? Oh! Why? You don't want brought it up. I didn't fucking do this right now. I had no, I'm not doing shit right now. Tell him, tell him, tell him.

Give me one thing, maybe. Not the whole thing. The way he describes it is, What's this? I'm Arby's. That's your vagina? Yeah, I'm Arby's. And he was tired of Arby's.

Damn. It's good, Arby's. The jalapeno poppers. The jalapeno poppers. The sauce that comes with that, and also like I love the horseradish sauce and the Arby sauce. But after like 10,000 times eating in a row, I was like maybe I'll get some Taco Bell.

You know that's interesting. I wanted it because I look at that shit differently actually. Okay. And I want you to teach me. Well, that's not about teaching you. Oh, can I say it? Whatever you're saying. I would say I would say it because boy, I'm not about teaching you. Oh, did that say it? Whatever you're saying. I would say it was because of what?

Boys got happy. I didn't ever tell you this. It's so funny because like, I knew I was, another reason why I knew I was done because I didn't want anybody else. Like physically any of that shit. I did, I own the fact that I am 44 years old and it's stamina I don't have anymore for real.

So I don't need a bunch of things going on. Hey, I love you. You getting all my energy? And that's what the fuck it is. I do not understand some of my friends who move like how they fucking move and they're older. Like what the, how? How are you this busy with life shit? Are you still able to spread your dick out like that?

It's like that's just spreading the dick around. I don't know. I don't get it. Oh, you can spread your dick. I've spread a nice dick to spread. I don't want to though. It's draining. Okay.

You look, people don't realize when you fucking, this is some mature shit, it's like, you know you're taking it on other energies. Yeah. Yeah, and so like once you realize it Why would you want to keep doing it? It distracts you from all the other shit you're trying to do? What's so funny man? You fuck. What's so laughing like that? I agree with it. I agree to 100% with all of it You know, that's pretty much the way you did maniacally like that Okay, so I have a friend. I want to name his name, but he's a super famous comedian. He's single And I was at his house once

I'll see you later. He goes by and I left and I looked through the window of his house And he's a big house, you know, and he was just sitting there in the middle of this gigantic couch alone Because he's a player And he was just watching TV and just watching the TV like this by himself Yeah, and there's no one around no children nothing and I was like That's me, you know I mean Look at you're about to cry. There's a sadness to it. We talked about it.

But, you're right. It's just more the obvious. I took all the life lessons I learned from my former marriage. And once I started going to therapy and dealing with all my bullshit. That's one thing I had to realize first. Because a lot of times we'll blame every... You know, you didn't do this and blah blah blah blah. But it's like, no, let me own my bullshit. Cause that's one thing I had to realize first. Cause a lot of times we'll blame every, you know,

dude didn't do this and blah, blah, blah, blah. But it's like, no, let me own my shit. Which is like, one of the things I love about date my fiance when our first conversations was just our bullshit. Like I stop liking when people give me their best shit. Like, yeah, I'm this, I don't give a fuck. What's the worst thing about you?

Right. But like, let's pick it up. No, no, I don't wanna know. Whatever you did in the bathroom. Yeah, yeah. But no, it's just that like, and it's so funny because I remember, I got home girl,

Issa raised one of my good friends, I love her. I love her. But she used to always like, real you for the streets. And at one point I used to get mad about it. I'm like, damn, maybe she right. I was like, maybe I am for the streets. And it wasn't that I was just being a hoe.

And I had to explain this. I'm like, what am I supposed to do as a single man that love women? I'm gonna shoot my shot. I am from Chicago. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what the fuck we do. We holler. I would go to brunches and it'd be a table full of women. I'm gonna shoot my shot. I am from Chicago. That's what the fuck we do. We holler. I will go to brunches and it'd be a table full of women

and I will speak to all of them. Fear of the figure out who kind of gives me the best energy. And that's who I'm talking to. Right. But I wouldn't fuck them. Okay. And then while I did it, this is some real advice. If you don't, don't spread your dick out.

You can kind of shoot your shot. Now look, some friend, I've ruined some friendships. I ain't gonna lie to you. Well, I was like, when you talked to my girl, I'm like, well, we ain't fuck. We had a weird date. It wasn't good. Yeah.

That's, you don't, you don't own me. All right. But your friend is dope too. I like, and I remember, I worked one time when I explained it to like three of them at the same time. You talked to all of us. I said, let me say this. All y'all are amazing.

Yeah. Yeah, amazing, beautiful, strong, successful black women. What you want me to do? Yeah. And they heard that shit and then like the next day, like, man, fuck you, real. You had us listen to that bullshit the night before. Because I guess it's girl, Cole, you ain't supposed to talk. But I'm saying if you ain't do nothing physically.

You don't own me. Yeah, that's right. And most men think like that. I got homeboys is dated You know girls I've dated but I don't own her if you maybe y'all work out better. I don't know but here's what I'm doing Well, if I may uni streets. No in my 20s Asians weren't in In the 90s dude, we weren't in we were out Like we were like we Get me like and black black dudes loved Asian women white dudes love Asian women So you guys took our women, but you guys never gave us your woman back

Alone in the 90s dude. All shaking, we were shaking. You know what I mean? We were pushed, we were depleted of pussy. I think that, I think that's shame. No, you guys depleted us from pussy. When did, when did Jet Lee do the movie with Aliyah? In early 2000s? Exactly.

That changed again. I know, but I'm talking about the 90s. We were in the dark ages. But that's also Jet Lee the jet Lee to asshole But jet Lee yeah watch it jet Lee hit it off with a Leah. Yeah. Yeah. It was a Romeo But they didn't kiss in the movie. That's they didn't that was such a bummer. I can't hug at the end They hugged that was fucked up. That's even the producers. They're really sorry. I was gonna buy this shit That's what I saw came out. He's the first you don't believe They hugged at the end. They hugged at the end. That was fucked up. Even the producers didn't. And the jelly started shaking. No one's gonna buy this shit.

And that's what I saw came out. He said, first you don't believe. He tried. He tried. I could sell it. I'm telling you. So, so, so even when I got on mad TV, it was still the dark ages, right?

So we get some, right? But now, in my fifties, oh boy, boy, boy. You know what I mean? We've come to like, you know, Steven Yewn. All these, my 50s. Oh boy boy boy. You know what I mean? We've come to like, you know, Steven Ewn. All these my homies Ronnie Chet. You know what I mean? They're up. And so I'm now we when we broke up, I was like, Oh, this is a new frontier for me. Oh, no, it's like, I don't insecure. It was an Asian Bay on there. Yeah, it was Yvonne's. I cared. Everybody.

Yeah, with the long hair. Yeah. It was Yvonne's, her character, and everybody loved that guy. With the long hair. Yeah. He's, he's... Right. First of all, Strong Black Lee did something with Netflix. And I won't read the comments. I refuse to do that.

Well, sometimes they'll put like all of us that like was like male characters on insecure and they'd be like pick one and get rid of somebody and then the comments be so fucking mean. They'll put me on the other side. I don't want to help these people. All these other dudes are pretty guys. You know what I mean? You're not looking.

I know, but compared to J.L. Listen. I know, I know. You're not good. Does he do those stuff? I've been out with those guys. He's the guy who played Daniel in the first couple seasons. He's the other guy. Oh, you come by Elon.

Yeah, chocolate. Oh, oh, yes, him. Who's chocolate? Ladies love that dude. You know what's funny? I know how good looking my friends is. And so like, when I was in my single day, I would call them like, hey man, where you at?

Yeah, it's a table full of girls that I need you here. Yeah. Now. Wow. This guy. Oh my God, I've seen that guy do, that guy's fucking delicious. That's your talk, I love that.

Yum. And look at his heart. Oh my God, I'll fucking do it too. Why? Fuck your heart, bud. I'm not gay, but I'm just saying. Let me ask you, get that out of my hands. Turn it off.

What is this? But let me just say something. You never fucked with light girls? No. Why? Dry? Dry what? But let me say something. You never fucked with white girls. No. Why dry? No, I mean, I've been so dry. It's a crazy dark reason. I've only had sex with one white girl in my life. It was a waitress at a comedy club years ago. Yeah. And that was the most regular white woman of all.

It was like full blown white woman. You know what I mean? It wasn't like a ghetto white girl. No, no, no. Like regular Christian white. And I was like, I felt like pumpkin spice. I felt uncomfortable after that. And it's a dark reason, man.

Like I really wanted those, God, it's so crazy. I don't care, I'm telling you. You're telling me. It's dark, it's not funny. And people are like, God, that's so crazy. I don't care, I'm telling you. You're telling me. It's dark, it's not funny, and people are like, damn, real? But like, I took seriously what happened to Emmett too. Yeah. And so that shit scared the fuck out of me.

But tell me, remind me of Emmett. What? And I know Emmett too, I know, just tell me it and then I'll, I'll. Well, so this is what's even crazy about the story now because the white woman who said he did all the stuff, later on in her death before she died, 90 something, admitted that she was fucking lying.

So Emmett Toe was a football player? No. Oh my God. God damn. But just tell me no, but if it's right. Bobby Emmett, too. I'm gonna leave telling you. Emmett, you don't know?

1955. Yeah. 1955. You know, I'm gonna take a ball real shit for black history month Oh, don't oh, God, I could say some great people see you I want you to take from February yeah, yeah, the 28th. Okay learn all types of history. I know Rosa Park No, fuck you need to know I know I know James Baldwin what in your face the fuck I gotta do a black history I'm just saying I know black history people in me too Emmett till oh yeah he got murdered he got murdered exactly he was

a kid I remember I was there because this white lady said that he whistled oh it's so many different stories of it now and it's all about stop you're telling me that having that. Talking about the fucking waitress at a comic club is the same as Emmett Till? No, that's not what I'm saying. What do you say? I'm saying I don't fuck with white women because of this.

What's one white girl? I don't give a fuck. Sort of something similar happened. I am sorry. It's shocking to me, it scares the shit out of me. Like, I'm just being honest. All right, right. I have white women on my friends,

I have pretty close friends, and people I work with, but we talk about in a relationship, being... Okay, aside from... In terms of fucking, in terms of just... Stop, everyone stop. Everyone stop, right?

Let me fucking say what I want to fucking say. Alright, just stop. So I know who he is, that brought me back, okay? What I'm saying, just based on sexual attraction, right? Do you think they're attractive? Without Emma Kill, would you penetrate? Without Emma Kill?

Well, it's so funny, I don't know. I'm not saying I haven't seen an attractive white woman, but like, for the most part, like, you know who's, Godly, I can't believe, this is probably the most attractive white woman to me. Yeah to me Okay, let me guess let me guess. Let me guess. Let me guess. Let me get that you got a Gordy Weaver. No, okay fuck girl street. No I know I know maybe one that's a little da you're a your happy baits It might be too. They're much older Judy Danche Judy Dutch. Okay, who is Diane Keaton? Oh my god. Oh, dude. I just got hard. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm dying

Do any hall dude. Fuck it is just random shit. Yeah. Yeah. She's the cutest thing in the world Her essence is really a fucking love Diane. Yeah, where's a cardigan? Oh, yeah So you are attracted to them? No, no. That's a very specific energy, though. That's very, that's very, you know, I mean, that's just that key, really. Let me ask you this, then. Why don't black women love me?

Because you don't know who the fuck Emmett Till is. That's not... Fuck the black history, you know. Fuck with you. Oh, fuck, I should know more. We gotta know your black history. It's hard not to like and I was once again It's no I'm too my life. I have white women. I look like that. I absolutely love today like Sandra Bullock's amazing

She's a dude. I like I like but it was like we tomorrow dating It's just it sits in the back of my head and it's just makes me it always made me fucking nervous Wow, that's interesting and your reasoning is just dry skin, you said? No, I could look past it. I could look past it. But when I got, because if you touch my skin, will you touch my skin? It's really soft.

It's baby soft. Just rub, yeah, just touch my skin. I would describe that. It's soft. My hands are soft. Yeah, you're soft. Dude, it was like nothing. It's almost as if he never even touched me. That I would describe that real. It's soft. Cause my hands are soft. I got that on hand. Yeah, you're soft to do it. Dude, it was like nothing. It's almost as if he never even touched me.

That's how soft we are. We're the best. We're the best, dude. We're very soft. We're evolved. But my point is that when you touch a white skin sometimes, it's like Clint Eastwood, like sandpaper. No matter how pretty it's like, you can hear it.

Yeah. And so that, and then also can I say another thing is Pit the pit I'm gonna let me explain myself. Why do you talk to me like that the pit armpit? the smell It's fucking movie. No bueno It's like thick That the be-oh

Really? Yeah, what you don't have be-oh? Well, maybe you like my be-oh. No, you don't have B.O. Well, maybe you like my B.O. No, you don't have B.O. I don't have B.O. No, because we're Asian and we like each other's, you know, scent, scent, maybe, and pheromones. That's not true. Okay.

So I was there last night with Chappelle Lacey. You know Chappelle? Mm-mm. He's a black guy. And I was wrestling with him in the main room. Black comic. See, he's not just a black guy. He's a black comedian.

I'm sorry. Well, that's everyone. No, because he was like just a a black guy. He's a black comedian. I'm sorry, that's our war. No, cause he was just a random black guy, you were a wrestler. Yeah. It's like he's supposed to know who that guy is. Nah, I was with the pal, right? And I was like, in the green room.

In the green room. He's a big dude, right? And I, my face got onto his pit, and it took a sniff. Beautiful. Movie bueno. There I am. Interesting. What do you mean?

Like, I never, I never like, went to the armpit. Like, let me see what this is. Oh, you never snuck the armpit? I'm not saying I never smelt one, but not like, I've not purposely, I've looked at, well, this is a trick. I've never smelt it, but I do look at what type of deodorant I want me to use. Like if I see a lot of white shit under your arm.

So when you buy a new car, you don't look underneath the car? Actually, no. Oh, I do. But if it's a new car, it's like a 2024. I still look underneath. I don't do that for new cars. You don't. Nah, it's 2024. It gotta be. Everything gotta be. Right? It's the whole mouth. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't like crawl underneath it with a fucking that's what I meant. No, you got one of those slabs. No, I go.

I know why this is a lie. Uh-oh. It's because when you drove your car home from the lot, it was smoking. And then you have to call somebody and say, why is my car smoking? Yeah, why is it? It's brand new.

Okay, you know what, when I tell stories, I'm like, No, let me just, I'm so sorry. I think this is the problem. When you tell stories on a fucking podcast, right? You don't have to fucking tell the truth. Keep the lie up. Yeah, just for entertainment. Whisper too late.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, so you never smell the pit? I just... That's what you want. You know, but what? Well, this intro, I have kids. And so... How many?

What did... Two. I have three. Whoa. What are the what do you do? How many? Two. I have three. What are the weird things you do early in their age? You kinda wanna figure out when they start becoming musty. And so, yes, I have smelly kids on it. People are like, oh, you ain't dead yet.

But then when it happens, oh, shit, you gotta learn. What's the edge? What's the edge? It's like puberty, like right around 10, 11 maybe. I think a little bit before it depends on big to key it is. Yeah. How sweaty they are. Yeah. I love puppy breath. So you love puppy breath? When a new puppy? Have you smelled the puppy's breath? No. It's like iron. There's a copper or is it something? Yeah it's a nickel. Nickel. Yeah yeah. Well you've never smelled the puppy's breath? I'm not a dog. Oh shit. Here we go. Like this my what's up

My fiance's daughter's dog Meco just always on me man. It's so fucking. I like I've never treated you right Never give you good energy Well, have you ever had a puppy and raised it as a puppy? No. You try it. I've had cats. Now, I'm allergic to cats now. I could have been then, but I had cats. So we had took in a cat off the street, and my grandfather named him Mu, because they

go, Mu, Mu. And then Mu had kids, and then the three kittens. I don't know, cause we lived in a hood, but those cats left us. They like run, like one cat left, like jumped out the window and never came back and landed on his cat feet, which I was like, Jesus. Like, you okay?

They didn't miss, we didn't mistreat him. I don't know. I don't, it was weird. We had little Mew and Fat Man and Blackie. They usually run away if they're in heat or it's time for them to. Yeah, that was weird. As a kid, seeing like a horny cat was very uncomfortable.

Right, because they make all those weird noises and they do the face down ass up thing. Yeah, they rub on, yeah, it's a weird, like if you don't know, if you never had sex before and a first sexual anything is watching whatever these cats are doing. All right. Fuck is going on.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They'll back up in drill. No, yeah, I didn't understand any of that shit. When I grew up in the Philippines, like there were a lot of stray dogs and when dogs have sex and the male ejaculates, they get stuck. So the dogs are stuck like ass to ass

for like maybe 15 minutes because the penis enlarges apparently and that he literally stuck to the female and that ensures like reproduction. That ensures that all like the semen stays inside. So growing up, you just see a lot of stuck dogs like ass to ass. It was an accident.

I just heard about that. He fucks a guy by accident and then they're stuck together for 50 minutes. I mean, if this happened to humans, I think we'd be more mindful about who we fuck. Mm. Like if we had to sit there and be physically stuck to the person for 15, 20 minutes,

I think we'd be more careful. You're right, you're right, you're right. That'd be some different type of cheating. Like, look here, okay. I'm sorry. Just give me 15 minutes and I'll explain to you every day. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, let me say that we had a blast here. Sorry I had to poo halfway during the thing. That was rude. Also, can you, dude, can you stalk it with toilet paper? There's a toilet paper left in the bathroom. Was it something there where you went? It was like a couple of strips left. Anyway, let's move on.

I know who I'm dabbing in. let's move on. I know who I'm dabbin' in. But do you want to plug it in? Oh, shit, I don't know. I mean, look, at the end of the day, like, you know, when we was on strike, I couldn't promote anything. So now you're pushing people to go back to watch stuff that came out. So, you know, if you haven't seen the meal yet on Hulu, it's a sci-fi thriller that I produced and starred in. Wow. I need you to check it out. It's amazing. What else? So many things. Yeah, just watch. Tor dates?

Uh, huh. Any tour dates, shows? No, I took a... So I was supposed to start a movie in January, then he pushed it to the summer, so I didn't take any gigs. So I just been at the house. Good, relax. Well, I'm also about to make my directorial debut, and so that's what I've been spending a lot of time.

TV or movie? Feature. Wow. Yeah, I'm very excited about that. Wow. So like, we've been doing rewrites on the script, and man, we getting into it now, and it's a lot of work,

so and I'm starring and directing it, so I'm making that. Amazing, dude. Yeah, yeah. Congratulations. Thanks, man. You, I'm making that. Amazing, dude. Yeah, congratulations. Thanks, man. You know, if you ever want to come here and promote, we're here. I'm coming back. I got like three things.

I thought heroin or purple crayon comes out this year. I don't know. I think it's slated for June, but yeah. Wait, heroin, who's in that? Me, Zach Levy. Zach Levy. He played Shazam. Yeah. Oh, Shazam, yeah, yeah. I know Zach Levy, yeah, yeah. He played Shazam.

Oh, Shazam. Yeah, I know Zach Levy. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's an interesting guy. Who directed it, though? Carlos. What's Carlos last name? Yeah, because I got offered a movie with Purple, too.

But there was a female actress that was in it. Zoe? Yeah, she's in it. Yeah. I got offered that. For real? For which part? I got offered a part where it was like I was her boss or

something. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And I went to rehab. So I couldn't do it. Hey, Bobby, that would have been fun, bro. I know. We could have hung out. Yeah, I know. He was not in a good state at that time. So it was a blessing. I was wild. I did. So I would have hated this. Yeah. Oh, no, no, no. Bobby Lee. I was like so drunk. I was so drunk that you wouldn't have liked me. Just me put. I was supposed to do that. And I remember FaceTiming him. He goes, I really want you in this.

And I- Yeah, cause that was Ravi's role. Oh, Ravi. Yep. Ravi. Patalia. I'm sure he was better. Anyway.

Anyway. Get Rollin' Rollin' Rollin' Get Rollin' Rollin' This is cool. Get Rollin' Rollin' Rollin' Get Rollin' Rollin'