TigerBelly - Marc Maron & The Soft Spots

Episode Date: August 21, 2024

Marc Maron is back for the 2nd time! We chat woo-ing, Argus' intros, non-typical cat guy, Bert beef, Matt Rife, Bobo in the wild, firm beds, and black out stretches. Plus, new players can get ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS INSTANTLY IN CASINO CREDITS with just a one dollar wager, and ALL players get a Blockbuster Bonus every week. So, sign up with code TIGERBELLY and grab your popcorn, it’s showtime on DraftKings Casino! Take the guesswork out of buying concert tickets with Gametime. Download the Gametime app, create an account, and use code BELLY for $20 off your first purchase. Terms apply. Again, create an account and redeem code BELLY for $20 off. Download Gametime today. Last minute tickets. Lowest Price. Guaranteed.

I I thought I didn't know whether or not it would drain the battery because I thought it was a car thing. Is it a new car? No. Oh, it's nice. It looks new. I try to keep it nice. Yeah.

Yeah. It's a Toyota. It's a Toyota. It's nice. I mean, what am I supposed to get? I tell you, man, I mean, I like that car. It's that Avalon. It's a nice car,

but you know what makes me not like it? What? One night in the store parking lot. Why? Because like people drive up and you're like, how does that guy have that car? That's why you got your car. I know, but that's why I got it.

But when you drive up, I go, he can get a better car. Right, I know. I could get a better car. But you're getting older. Yeah, but you want to know why I can't get a better car. Right, I know. Yeah, yeah. I could get a better car. But you're getting older. Yeah, but you wanna know why I can't get a better car? You have no children? No, but here's why I don't get a better car.

Why? When you bought your car, were you pretty excited about it? Yeah, very excited. Have you fixed that d**n dent yet? No. Yeah, so that's what would happen to me. I'd get a nice car, and then I'd f**k it up in the first week, and then I'd be like, it's garbage now.

But you would get it fixed? Yeah. I like the dent. Yeah, but that's your problem. I know it's my problem, but I like the dent. But my point is this, is when I see you, I'm like, what do you spend your money on? Nothing.

So you just put it in the bank? For what? I don't know. What am I supposed to spend it on? I mean, a watch. Is that a watch? Expensive? That's pretty good, but I wouldn't have gotten this

if Dean hadn't pestered me. Oh, Dean Delray did? Yeah, he's like, I don't know how he's hooked up, dude, but he's hooked up with shoe guys, watch guys, jacket guys. Tees, jean guys. Jeans? Yeah. If it's not Self Edge, it's not worth buying.

Vintage, yeah. He had us all wearing pants. We didn't not worth buying then vintage. Yeah, he got us all wearing pants We didn't even know I know I know I know these boots. I wouldn't have these boots if I didn't have Dean Yeah, yeah, what kind of boots are they? Yeah, the guy downtown makes them. Oh Brian the boot maker. Here's another thing Dean's got a boot maker Yeah, yeah, it's got a guy. Remember the birthday gift? It's great. The four shirts I got you? Great, yeah. That's because of Dean. Of course.

Yeah, yeah. I love it. Yeah, well, I mean, I know, but it's a lot, you know. I know, I appreciate it. Wait, but you're a ring guy too. Yes. And that's a cool. Well, this ring, the WTF ring was made by a fan

over a decade ago, and I don't think he ever made anything else. Wow. I don't even think he was a jeweler. Wow, that looks dope. Yeah, and this don't think he ever made anything else. I don't even think I didn't think he was a jeweler Well, that looks dope. Yeah, this one's from New Mexico. Yeah, the Zuni ring and this one I'm not sure about but it's also from New Mexico. Yeah, very native. You like that one? It's a green turquoise. Yeah, it's like some kind of turquoise. Yeah, I think about this all the time What I mean like should I be buying more shit? Yeah.

Like what? No. Well, I'll tell you why. When you pass, where's the money gonna go? I'll give some to, I got a plan. What if a sudden death? What's the plan? I did an estate.

Oh, you did, okay. Yeah, I got it worked out. Right, but don't you wanna spend some of it before you go? No, I think, I feel like I do, like I can eat wherever I want. Okay. Let me ask you some questions Nice one brother. That's very good. That is a really big expense though eating wherever you want. Okay, I fly first class I eat wherever I want. Yeah, I never think about Anything I pay for if I go to Whole Foods. I'm not sure like this apples a little you know, like I'm not same here

Dude, right same here, but that's good. It's a good thing when you guys would fail at the prices right you don't have concept no no that's what that or you throw us a throw us the thing and I'll see if we know I know okay don't say apple or fruit or anything but okay a dozen pasture raised eggs oh my 799 mark 699. Gilbert? The answer? Look for Vital Farms. Fonds! Vital Farms 1099. Wow! I win that one. About $3 off guys, come on!

Yeah, but that's, okay, well that was still we lowballed it. That's odd, you guys are so rich! I almost said $80, I don't even know, you know? But I think about this though, cause I've thought about the car thing. So I think like, well maybe I should get one of these fancy electric cars. And then I think about this so because I've thought about the car there, right? So I think like well, maybe I should go in these fancy electric cars And then I think like deep but where do you plug it in? Like you just plug it into the wall Do I need other equipment? Does it is it gonna like how far can it go?

What do I need that shit for and then I think like maybe I'll get an old vintage car And then I'm like, when am I gonna drive that? What's the point just to drive into the comedy store? So you can go like oh good for you. You've got a new car just to drive into the comedy store so you can go like, oh good for you, you got a new car. But a cool vintage car would be a very much. But then you gotta get a cool vintage guy. And I don't know if Dean has a guy. I don't think he does.

So I gotta find a guy to work on my 68 Camaro that I look stupid in. Yeah, when you buy the electrical car, right? Yeah. Don't you go, hey, by the way, how does it work? And then they go, we know a guy, Emmanuel Lopez, and he's gonna come over on this day. Ropez?

Ropez. Ropez. Ropez. Yeah, Emmanuel Ropez. Ropez. And he's gonna come and put in the equipment. Yeah. Right? That's right. So it's like, but no, what I'm saying to you is and he's gonna come and put in the equipment. Right?

That's right. Right, so it's like, but no, what I'm saying to you is I worry about you because, but now that you say that, Meeels, but let me ask you this question. Have you ever went, you know what? Like Andrew Santino, he just went to Bali or something. No, he went to Hawaii, but that island that that guy owns. Lanai.

Lanai, right? And I mean, the rooms were like $2,500 a night Yeah, no Gilbert has his honeymoon there How much was it a night? Around that Right Was it nice? Very nice

Super nice Very awkward being there because There's nothing else on the island Nothing else and it's just all Filipinos That's right Working there Working there I'm just like hey Yeah

Alright Oh wow I used to go to Kauai all the time. But would you spend $2,500 a night on a room? Here's the problem with that. I knew it, I knew it. Is it like, I've stayed in. Can I have more of this?

What else do you have to drink? Yeah, yeah, yeah, get him a water. A water? Don't you have any sodas? You got a million fucking things here. We have candy. Can you get a beverage, please? What do you got? What do you got?

What do you got for drinks? Just waters and olives. And what? He's gonna look for a Red Bull. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know. Okay, so go ahead. So you stay at that fancy hotel.

Okay. How often is that fancy hotel really amazing in the way that you're like, this is so comfortable, I really enjoy staying here. To me it's like, I gotta call the guy for fucking food I can't eat out of the goddamn hotel. Yeah, you know, like if I go to the pool, there's nine other idiots there And and the room is it's okay. Yeah, but it's not it's not amazing. I've only been in one amazing hotel Okay, which one was it? Yeah

It was the crosby street hotel in new york and it's I didn't even know about it It was the Crosby Street Hotel in New York and it's I didn't even know about it But the reason it's amazing is because this woman who does the interior Decorating for all the rooms and all the hotels you walk in you're like, oh my god, this is like artwork Mmm, are you looking it up? Mm-hmm. Like find out the name of the interior director. She does the one in London, too There's a and it's just like it's so Cool looking. Mmm. It's like what camp? Yeah kit camp is that cool looking shit and it's just like, it's so cool looking. It's what? Kit camp. Yeah. Kit camp. Isn't that cool looking shit? It's very nice. Right. So that was like very comfortable. It was like thoughtful. Like,

have you ever been up to San Francisco? You ever stayed at that? I've been to San Francisco, Mark. No, a big sir that, you know, that post, that post in post in ranch, right? That's supposed to be amazing. You could stay in a tree house, whatever the fuck. But no wifi, none of these, you're meant to like shut down, right? Yes, but like initially it was sort of this high end place, but eventually what happens to all these resorts,

even if they're that one, is they just become fucking wedding mills. And no one gives a shit. And it's just sort of like, there's nothing special about this. I gotta watch them have their rehearsal dinner. Can I ask about- And then I was at the Post Mill Inn.

Hold that. I was at the Post Inn, right? I go up there for peace and quiet. The second morning, there's a fucking leaf blower. And I went down, I went down, I went to the lobby. I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? This is why I came here so I didn't have to fear the fucking leaf blower. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or you're in like a garbage truck. Whatever. Are you fucking kidding me? This is why I came here so I didn't have to fear the fucking leaf blow.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or you're in like a garbage truck. Whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. But can you, may I ask you some simple questions? Yeah, I was hoping you would. Okay. I have nothing prepared. I can't self-explanatory.

Do you know the difference between a quality bed and a non-quality bed? Is this like just a general question? No, it's pretending to fucking hotel rooms. Oh, yeah, I do. Sure. So would you say that a high-end hotel would have a better quality bed?

Not necessarily. Okay. Would you? There's a firmness? There have been times, like at the Ritz, for instance, in Hawaii. That's the Post Inn. Wow. Wow. I gotta go there. You are just sitting on the Hawaii. That's the post inn. Wow. Wow.

I gotta go there. You are just sitting on the water. It is kinda cool. Yeah, that's amazing. I'm not complaining about it. And the restaurant's really good. And there's no wifi. I don't think there was wifi.

There's gotta be. Or they don't have no TV. The whole point is to just sorta be like, shut it down. So I can't go, I wanna watch the new season of The Boys. Yeah, I can't watch it. I guess my thing was, is that if you're gonna do this, and I'm not this kind of guy, right? You are.

Not really. Where you're like, sort of like, I'm gonna do this exclusive cool thing that only people that can afford to do this, it's gonna be quiet, everyone's gonna be respectful, I'm not gonna see the other people, and if you do, you kind of have a knowing glance, like, yeah, we can do this.

So I'm up there and it's just like, just fucking. You by yourself? Are you by yourself? Yeah. Well, that's your problem. But there was just idiots there too. They're everywhere. But you just went, I'm going to take a vacation

to the tree house by myself. Yeah. That's stupid. Well, it was a different time. It was like a. How long ago was that? Like, you know, it was during, it was the week, it was the last elections. Okay.

So it was November, and I just did not, I just didn't want to be home sitting in front of the TV. I just wanted to, I didn't want to know what was going to happen. Wait, I had the same thought process. I took off to the desert too. I was there. Right around that week, we took off to the desert.

Yeah, we went to the desert. We tried to like shut it all off. It didn't shut off. We didn't shut off at all. We watched the TV to see the election. Yeah. In the desert too. Right around that week we took off to the desert. We tried to like shut it all off. We didn't shut off. We watched the TV to see the election. In the desert. In the desert, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's all we did all day long. That's all we did, yeah.

Have you had that before? Yeah, once. Okay. So what I wanted to ask you is. Well, but the beds are, I like firm beds. So, and I don't like the foam beds really. I'm up in Vancouver doing the show and the bed's okay and I'm sort of surprised that it's firm and it's nice.

You're in Vancouver. Oh yeah, I've been in Vancouver. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, doing a show. Sutton. You got to the Sutton? No. Why?

Because that's not a nice hotel. Yeah, thank you. That's what I've been telling him. He thinks the Sutton is like the best. I was just there two weeks ago at the Sutton. I got a, you know, I'm gonna be up there for most of the good part of three months, so I got a condo.

I got, I did a, you know. But if you didn't have a condo, would you stay at the Sutton? I could have stayed at the Sutton. I'll tell you why I like the Sutton though. It's the middle of everything. I'm right around the corner from it. Oh, but they're, okay, well, they're shopping, right?

Yeah. Good, nice restaurant. But I'm saying you don't have to stay there to be in the middle of everything. I understand that, I understand that, but it's like, you know. But also sometimes you'll run into like, oh, there's, you know, so and so. Yeah, that's. But I'm saying you don't have to stay there to be in the middle of everything. I understand that, I understand that. But it's like, you know, but also sometimes you'll run into like, oh, there's, you know, so and so. Yeah, that's the problem.

I'm not sure I wanna do that. Okay. Different goals, different goals. Different goals, yeah. Because you're shooting and I know everyone is, they call it the slutton. Yeah, yep, yeah. They call it the slutton, right, right.

So like, and I used to stay there for the Vancouver Comedy Fest, but like, if I'm shooting all day, and then like, you know, all of a sudden, I'm going back to the hotel, and I see like some celebrity who I don't really know, but knows me. Neil Patrick Harris. Well then I'd be like, I gotta,

You gotta see it. I gotta sleep. Oh, you gotta. So. So. So. Yeah. Don't you think that,

Neil, good to see you. Yeah, it's been a long time. I gotta read the script. Oh wow, wow, wow, yeah. Yeah. No, but I don't want. Would you be like that's funny? Neil, good to see you. Yeah, it's been a long time. I gotta read the script. Oh, wow, wow, wow. Yeah. Would you be like that with me? No.

No. If I'm at the Sutton, right? I go, hey, Mark, right? I know you would come up and say hi, but you... No, stop. Fuck you, dude. You wouldn't sit down and talk. Of course I would.

For how long? For however long you wanted. That's the problem is that it's not that I don't want to. Of course I like, I want to hang out. I want to feel part of it. We'll talk all night and everything. But then like it's sort of like what happened to that night, you know, it's just gone.

Wait, wait, wait. What happened with that night, part of that night is you sat and talked to Bobby Lee for a couple of minutes. But I could do that here. I know that's true, that's true. But I do like where I'm situated. It's not a hotel, it's an apartment,

so I can cook and shit. Here's another thing I don't see you doing, right? Maybe it's because you're old school, but I don't see you wooing women. Wooing? Yeah. How's that look? Can you show me?

Yeah, how do you woo? How do you woo? You also watch someone do it. Well, no what I've never seen is Why are you looking at me like that? I'm maybe you have your own style of wooing. I'm wooing you. I don't like your wooing techniques. It's weird, it's creepy. But no what I'm saying is that like because like I'm like sometimes I go to the colony store Yeah, and I'll have a lady with yeah, and I woo them Yeah, I don't see by saying like, you know, Mark Maron and you introduce her to people that in the hall I've done that. Yeah haven't done that before. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, does that work?

It works 100% and see you don't know the power of you know, I mean what you sway pussy for Polly come here No, not Polly. No, not Polly. Hey, Polly. No, no, no, no, no, no. But I don't see you wooing women. Is that not your style? I think I like to be, I'm more, I'd rather be wooed. Oh, really?

Than like, you know, I don't, you know, I don't like, Yeah. I've. The one time, I came to, there was like a brief window in time where I was in between relationships and somehow I had gotten involved with this influencer who lived in Texas and she was cute as fuck and probably too young for me obviously, but she was just really kind of like classically hot. She looked like a miniature Jerry Hall.

Really pretty and I liked her a lot. And she came out to visit me and I'm like, I'm gonna bring her to the store. Cause I'm not that guy. If Kit, my girlfriend, now comes, she's just gonna hang out or whatever, just found you the woo. But I'm like, I'm gonna show off this girl

because I got one that I can take to the store. You know? It's like, same thing with the car. You know, like, someone drives up with the car and you're like, who's fucking car is that? And then he gets out with the girl, you're like, the whole package. That's what I'm talking about.

Right? But I'm not that guy, so. Yeah, you're not that guy, yeah but I'm not that guy so yeah you're not that guy okay I'm not the one time I did it I was like and I knew in my head that was sort of what I was doing I just felt like such a fucking asshole you got in your own head I got well I was just sort of like I shouldn't be with this girl at all right and it's like what am I doing yeah know, here, like now I'm that guy. Yeah. Who's it? Why do you have a problem with that guy all the time? That guy, that guy that you're talking about is a good guy. Maybe really name one. That's a good guy. That's that guy. Yeah. That's interesting. That's a hard one. Well, I

mean, I mean, Anthony Jeselnik. Sure, but who does he show up with? He's got a girlfriend. Right, she works at the store. Yeah, exactly. I just threw out a name I even know, because I can't even figure out. Yeah, you don't know that guy. There's only a few people who do it.

What do you mean? Does it all start to feel the same every time, like, you take a girl, you introduce her to the same, like, people? Like, is there still a thrill in that for you, Bobby? Let me just throw. Is there a thrill? Is there a dopamine hit? Is there like a... No, it's actually, you know, you're right.

In my mind, I'm that guy. I'm that guy. No, no, no, no. I'm that guy. No, I am. Now I just realize I'm that guy. And I don't want to be that guy. So there is none. But be that guy if you want to be that guy.

Yeah, but that guy apparently... But it only works the first time you bring him. The next time they're like, oh, that's 100%. Yeah. So like you bring them the one time and it's all exciting. And like, you want to go to the store with me? Like, why? Yeah, they don't go. No. Or then you switch clubs. I've done that one.

It's only so many clubs. Yeah. So I'm at the improv. I'm that guy. And then that dies. And then eventually they don't want to come anymore. And then it kind of dissipates. Yeah, yeah, so I'm at the improv, I'm that guy, right? And then that dies, and then eventually they don't want to come anymore, and then it kind of dissipates. Yeah, it does. Yeah, yeah, and there's sadness involved in that. So you know what, I apologize for even questioning that.

But how about the time where you bring somebody and you're that guy, and then some other comic just starts, hey, what's going, wooing your, you know, cock blocks your wooing. Oh, how's that go for you? That's happened. Of course it's happened. Comics are animals. Yeah, yeah, yeah,, you're wooing. How's that go for you? That's happened. Of course it's happened. Comics are animals.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's happened. Or, let me say, all right. They just hugged a little too long? But not only that, here's another thing that's happened. You realize that they've already previously been wooed. Sure, previously, sure. Yeah, they've been wooed. By the one?

By many ones, right? Right? And like, it's like, I'm like the 50th comic woo. Yeah. 50 woo. You got to follow a lot of headliners. Yeah, yeah. And you realize-

Your worst nightmare. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't- When am I going on? I can't follow some of them. Yeah. You know, they're like the bilber of that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And so then I'm like, oh fuck, I fucked up and I can't follow it, you're right. So you know what, I apologize for even questioning that you don't do. It's all right, I'm very aware of it and I know that I did it that one time and it didn't feel great to me. I'd rather just go with the one that I'm with in a real way.

But it's so funny with women in comics, is that like, yeah, they'll go with you, but they're just gonna sit in the green room and be like, ugh. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I mean like, and they're watching, and then you gotta feel like, you know, I'm just gonna go up and do that,

you remember that stuff I did last night? Yeah. I'm gonna do that again. Yeah, yeah. I might do one new one that you might wanna watch. Yeah, I've done that, yeah, I've done that, yeah, yeah. I got one new one. Yeah, I had one girl go, nothing new,

I go, you know that little bit I did I Changed up the fucking little switch in there. That's like the worst thing. The worst thing you can say to Bobby Lee's like don't you do any new End of his fucking date. Oh my second date You did the same act. I guess we're not going out again. You son of a bitch. DraftKings Casino! In a world of slot reels and blackjack deals comes the must play event of the summer from DraftKings Casino featuring nonstop action. DraftKings Casino, featuring nonstop action. Ah! Ah! Ah!

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So I have the app right here. And I really want to go see my favorite comedian. Who is it? Mr. Bobby Lee in October at Irvine Improv. So here you go. Yeah, how much is it? It's $82. OK.

Right now. But that price could drop closer to day of. Yeah. So here you go. Yeah, how much is it? It's $82. Okay. Right now, but, but that price could drop closer to day of, if it's not already sold out, which it probably will be in a week, right? Okay, so with Game Time, you can save up to 60% off buying last minute for sports, concerts, comedy, theater, et cetera. The lowest price guarantee, or Game Time will credit you,

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So you're like, oh yeah, here's Burt Kreischer and they're like, oh hi. And do you know who that was? Like no. You know what I mean? Some women, like the girl I've been dating lately. She doesn't know any comic She's not anybody intro mark for the episode, but I think people ease how many times has he been on here twice This is the second time I think only right? No second, I think it's only a second the only other time I was here I thought you had to tell time

Yeah, oh, that's right. I don't read a clock. Well guys, how's that going for you? I know how good Yeah, I go to train stations. I can do it. I Really can I go 315 anyway, um, so next guy is coming. Anyway, this guy Are you gonna cut this in later? No, I do it now 20 minutes in yeah. Oh, okay You know sometimes movies do that. I like when they put the fucking title like 10 minutes in the movie. Oh, yeah Yeah, I find that I find that to be interrupting. Why a different thing? I'm just saying a thing and now it's like,

I know what movie I came to see. I know, but I like it's cool. Okay. Like out of Norah's like, sure. Anyway. You're gonna add that effect? Yeah, I just did it. Okay.

Yeah, yeah. Um. This guy, WTF, movies, television, friend, comic, Mark Maron, give him a round of applause. Woo! Thank you. Lovely to be here. Are you gonna have Kamala on?

I don't know. Maybe when she's president. Only, that's when you do it. Yeah, I don't do politics. Yeah. Not really. Have you had RFK? Fuck no.

Oh, we had them. Ugh. We can get where we can get him in. Oh my God. How was that for you? He was super sweet. Yeah. He's a nice guy.

He was on with Cheryl Hines. I thought it was pretty nice. No politics. We didn't talk about politics at all. Did you talk about, what did you talk about? Did you talk about the crows he feeds? Did you talk about his fitness regimen? Yeah, yeah.

We talked about his pet emo. Oh, Cheryl was here too. Yeah, his pet emo. Yeah,imen. Yeah, yeah. He talked about his pet emo. Yeah, his pet emo, yeah, emo. Yeah, yeah. We talked a lot with Cheryl too. Yeah, she's a sweet lady. I knew him, like, I've been aware of him for a long time because when I did radio, Air America, he also had a show. Oh, he did?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, wow, wow, wow. But you've never met him? I think I met him once. Yeah, I don't know what's going on? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, wow. Wow. Wow. But you've never met him. I think I met him once. Yeah, I don't know what's going on in there. Yeah. And it's like, you know, whatever's coming out is OK, but it doesn't imply that there's anything great going on in there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't know much about him, you know, but so this show, I'm so jealous of the show that you're on. Really? Well, I'll tell you why, not jealous. You do a lot of shows. I know, I'm doing fine, but not jealous. But I wanna say, I don't even know why it came that way. I'm happy for you, but it's a big deal. It's hard to tell the difference.

It's so different. I have the same problem. Really? I fucking resent you. What I meant to say is like, I respect you and I appreciate you. But do you have a little bit of, I don't know. Of what? Of that.

To you? No, just in general. Which part? It's not a jealousy, and I hate that about myself. Envious, envious maybe? It's not even envious, it's just like, I hate that about myself. No, it's a what about me?

There's that, I know what you're talking about. And I don't like it. No matter what anybody else gets, even if you don't want it, you're like, oh fuck. Yeah, but I don't like that. Do you like it? Why would I like it? But do you you're like, oh fuck. Yeah, but I don't like that. Do you like it? Why would I like it? But do you do it?

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. It's an interesting thing. It's not, it's a terrible thing. It's a terrible thing, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I try to keep it to myself. Oh, don't say it out loud.

Well, I mean we can, but yeah, this is a safe space. It's like a meeting. But even when I think it though, there's a part of me that goes, oh god, this is so ugly, ugly, and I try to switch it. But it's like, I wanna get rid of that, but maybe that's just in my nature. Well, okay, well what's the source of it?

The source of it is it's not me and that's a problem. Well, here's the good news. Because it doesn't happen as much because as I get more successful, it just doesn't happen as much. How do you like that? That's pretty good. I'm serious. Are you real like that? That's pretty good. I'm serious.

Are you real? Yeah. That's good. That means that you have found, success makes a big difference. Do you know what I mean? You always tell me that too. Cause I don't see it,

I'm whining about something, about the show. I said that to you too. Dude, you're in a show. I know. I do do that with you at the court. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, because I'm like, I don't know.

Because I remember the pre all of it, Mark. Yeah. You know what I mean? And to see how far you've come. You've been around forever. What? It's like, no, no, no, no, no. You've changed.

Right. I like that, like he's the one guy, every time he brings me up and it's respectful but he goes, this guy's a legend which means to me like, let's just bring him out he's been doing it a long time What else do I say? Nothing, I like to say it

I see other things. You know what, fuck you man No, no, there's no reason to start You see, it's not a nice thing I appreciate it. But my intros to you are very good. They're very good. I'm specific. You're right. I hate when they're not specific. Yeah, I try to make-

Clubs and colleges are the worst kind. Yeah, I try to- or how about the Argus riff intro? This guy's doing a one-man show at the La Jolla Playhouse. What are you talking about? He really hasn't said that before? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. The La Jolla Playhouse.

Yeah. He's fucking making shit up. Yeah, yeah. He also like, he doesn't know what you're doing. He really hasn't said that before yeah, yeah, yeah the La Jolla playhouse. Yeah Fucking making shit up. Yeah. He also like He doesn't know what you're doing, but he wants to make it seem like he had he always brings me up He's got a podcast Marin on Marin. Yeah. Yeah, Mike. What is that? Yeah another big thing He was a we found him we found him in La Jolla right now. I don't think he was born here Yeah, yeah this place and I'm like. He was born here. Yeah, yeah.

At this place. And I'm like, we found, you didn't find me, dog. You know what I mean? It was we. No, you always give very nice intros. Sometimes I lose momentum of my intros in the middle, where like I'm trying to do a nice thing, and then it kind of trails off into something else,

and I don't say it with the right thrust. Right. Like I used to bring, like this guy used to have a TV show yeah yeah you said that before yeah yeah like I never think like I just think like he was on to you know I know him from this I don't think he's gonna be like a cancel like like bringing up Brett Moran is always challenging yeah yeah I yeah, I say he was, oh that's true, he was on Undateable, there's something on Netflix, yeah, I mean, yeah, but that's not all credits are, right?

Yeah, I try to be specific. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm always sort of like, what's the name of your podcast? Oh, that's right. That's the, yeah, Riffin with Griffin. All right. That's going up. What's the other one? When me and Andrew started Bad Friends, we were literally gonna call our podcast Riffin Without Griffin. And then when we brought it to him, he just was livid, so we just never did it. I think that would have been a great fucking podcast. Oh my God.

I always, Eric is always very sweet to me, but I don't know if he's about to blow up. He's never blown up on me. Like Santino I'll bring on, I'll say, this guy, him and I, we made an attempt to be friends, we took a hike, and it just didn't pan out. We never. That's true?

Yeah. You went hiking with Andrew? Yeah. And it didn't pan out? We never did it again. Right. We've never done anything again. I've never heard of him hiking anywhere.

Yeah, we went out. That's a good, that's a big thing. And it was a nice day. Yeah. And I think, but I think it was during that window of time where people were like, we've got to show up for Mark. And he came, you know. Really?

Yeah. There was a window with, I don't, I'm just. Yeah, with the grief stuff, you know, a lot of people showed up. Oh yeah. But yeah, we had a pretty nice time. But the truth is, is like, I love the guy. I don't know him that well. He's always entertaining.

You can't trust anything he says. And... On stage or off stage? Anytime. Like, he's gonna tell you something. And you're like, really? And then you walk away and you're like, oh my God, that fucker

There's no way that yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, dude. He says to me. I wanted to say for a long time Thank you so much for saying it. What do you like? He'll just he'll tell you something about somebody and you're like, oh my god Yeah, I didn't know that and then you you see that person and you're thinking about what Andrew said Yeah, and then you realize it's not true. Yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know and it's fine. Yeah. And then you realize it's not true. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, and it's fine.

Yeah. He wants to do that. But then I'm always sort of like, he's like, Hey buddy. And he's always very nice to me. I get a kick out of him. Yeah. And I like them. Sweet man.

I think so. He is. He's a good guy. But he's like a devil. He's a fool. I know. I know. He pokes and pokes and giggles and giggles, I get it. Yeah, yeah.

But what I'm saying, deep down inside, I don't think that I would be in a business with somebody that wasn't deep down a decent man. Yeah, he's very entertaining and I think he does show up for his friends, but he's like, yeah, he's fucking with ya, almost all the time. And so you never know when he's not.

Yeah, he's also one of those guys where I know that there's like a little corner that, if you turn that corner, it's done. He'll rage out. Oh yeah. Yeah, so I can read his face and know when I'm on that line. He seems like a cauldron of a, yeah, a lot of heat. Yeah, a lot of heat, a lot of heat.

Yeah. I mean, but it's working, you know? And also another thing is that, you know, if we're Simon and Garfunkel, I'm Garfunkel. I can live with that, you know? But like, we're comics, so we know all the different kinds. And I always love seeing that guy, and I like watching him. I think he's funny.

He's so funny. And he's always nice to me, but I bring him up, because we did not become friends. I don't know what we would have done. I don't golf. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What am I gonna do with Andrew Santino? Go to the movies?

You don't have a fancy car. I don't have a fancy car, don't give a fuck. I don't watch sports. But you know, I'll tell you where you have come. But were both of you hikers? I don't know, I don't, I don't. Everyone hikes, Kalyla. Really, Bobby?

I hiked yesterday by myself. And it's, really? I went over there, did that thing by myself. How far did you get? Not that far, the post. That's not even where the hike starts. That's a parking lot. I went to the post though. I gave up. It was a hard hike. We did it. We had a good time. We had a good talk.

I don't know. I think I'm a little bit much in general. Like, you know in terms of like if you're just I don't don't know, I hang out with like two people. How many people do you hang out with? Really? Really nobody. Right. Really nobody. And it's fine.

I think you and I are similar in that way. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But there's a couple of guys that know me real well. We're cat guys. Yeah. Cat guys are different. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, dog guys are just like, hey! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, they get physical.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're always like doing like a group golf thing or a trip. I've never been invited to a group guy adventure. Have you? Like a boy's trip? Yeah, Andrew does it all the time. Oh yeah, me and my pals, and celebrities and stuff, we're up in Oregon, you know what I mean?

Yeah, I don't, no, it's like couples who travel with each other. I'm like, what is that? And no, I can't do that. Yeah, yeah. Have you been invited to a group guy thing? I'm not invited to anything. You've never been to, have you been invited

to a pool party? Yeah. Have you gone? Yeah. Whose? Jeff Ross. Oh, I've been to that one of those before. Yeah, it's okay.

Yeah, they're okay, yeah. Yeah, I didn't get in. Yeah, I didn't get into the pool. Oh, right. But I hung out. I like seeing people. I genuinely like going to things where everyone's there and I walk around and I get some laughs

and I see everybody, I'm very happy to see everybody. I went to a pool party with you once. Yeah. Guess what you wanna was? Years ago. Oh, Dane Cook. Yep. Yeah.

But even that, I just like seeing the guys. I like seeing everybody, but I don't need to spend the weekend with them. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I run around, I love talking to people. I love it. Yeah, but I just don't get invited to like trips,

you know what I mean, or things like that. Do you have a best friend? Yeah. Who is his, what's his name? Sam. What's his name? Who is this, AI? Some guy named Sam?

And do you guys hang out for long periods? Or could you do a weekend with Sam? Oh, for sure, yeah, I I and I Sam Lipsight, he's a he's a novelist and he teaches at Columbia in New York. Wow. And you know he's and Jerry Stahl is another one. I like Jerry. Yeah I hang out with him and those are the main two and Sam's in New York but we talk like you know during COVID, we talked every fucking night. Yeah. Yeah, every fucking night, for like an hour or so. We're working on a script together right now.

Oh, cool. And yeah, and I know him and he knows me. But Jerry, you got the friend where, Sam and I, we get along great, but if there's something going on in me, in a way where I'm like, I don't know, dude, because Jerry's sober too. So you need those guys where you're like, you know, I don't know, dude, because Jerry's sober too. Yeah, yeah. So you need those guys where you're like, OK,

I can't tell anybody else this. Yeah. And you got to have one of those guys. Yeah, I have one of those. Yeah. But some guys who have families and stuff, you're like, I'm not going to do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I want to start a fight with you, but it's just something I've noticed, if I may. I find that whoever you're with at the store, because you're always either with, they generally don't like me. Even when you introduce them to me, I just feel like they're just not into, you know what I mean?

And maybe it's in my head, but it's always like, hey, hey, hey, you know what I mean? What, this? Yeah, the other day there was a guy that has his own radio show, what's his name? my head but it's always like hey you know me it's like what this yeah the other day there was a guy that has his own radio show what's his name there was a guy there that you're like you don't know that guy and I was like oh no who is he who's that he was like a guy either has a talk show or a show or some show or sports show or something wouldn't be sports yeah yeah yeah yeah and he going he went yeah yeah yeah yeah like that like that really did I didn't

go with that guy I I just knew him? No, you knew him. Right, you had long conversations with him. Really? I feel like he was there to see you. And then the other night, you were sitting there eating a pretzel. Yes.

But before you ate the pretzel, I observe you. You really watch him a lot. I'm like a Mark Maron eagle, dude. I watch you from across the fucking room. But it's been good between us. Very, very good. Back in the day, it'd just be like, how you doing, Bobby?

He's like, no, I know what you're doing. No, no, that's done. Yeah, I know. We were past that. Yeah, it's great. Yeah, but now. Hawkeye. Okay, so I'm meeting the press.

But in the front, you were with two other guys, who were they? Oh, I just met those guys. Oh, that's what it was then. Yeah, no, I don't. I'm in my head. No, I don't know those guys. Oh, yeah. Just the other day. Yeah, no, I don't. I'm in my head. No, I don't know those guys. Oh, yeah.

Just the other day? Yeah, the other day, yeah, I go, where did Mark go? Because I went to my friend Alan Meadows. I introduced him. Yeah, he goes, nice guy. Alan goes, can I meet Mark Maron? I think he's still here. And that's when you were eating the pretzel.

Yeah. And you were fumbling around with it, why? I was dipping in the mustard. We didn't have fumbling around. Those guys, it was some guys, they were producers or something, they just kind of like sat down, can we talk to you? And then I was.

Did he pitch you anything? He's a big producer, that guy. Oh, wow. But like, it was one of those, getting back to the Sutton, that's one of those things where this guy's like, can we just sit down? And there I was. And it turned out to be an interesting conversation

because he's, yeah, he produced Burt's movie. Oh, wow, The Machine. Yep, and he produced Elf. He's like a big guy. Oh, right, wow. That guy, so I was just talking to him. And then he's like, I like you, man. We're gonna get you a big part.

Yeah, he did not like me. I don't know if that's true. No, I'm being real. It was kind of like, I go, where's Mark? You know, he didn't introduce himself He's like I think he's over there. Yeah, I mean if he's like this big producer guy He was a fan of you. I was you know, I was a fan of his people love you though like Sorry, you're right. Sorry like you know, like you're one of those guys like everybody recognizes Right. That's fantastic. You're like Spuds McKenzie.

I don't need it. I'm well aware of I'm very blessed. Yeah. But I wanted to also ask you this. You're on a new show with Owen Wilson. Yeah. Your third lead. Yeah. And when you when you booked the show were you excited? Oh my god, what do you think? Yes. No! So this will feed exactly into what you think about. Wait, wait, so do you read for it? No. Offer only.

Yeah. They called you. Right. They offered you the part. Yes. And you said yes. I got plans this summer. Oh, right, well you said that.

Kinda. And they called again. Well right, well you said that. Kinda. And they called again. Well not, oh look at that. I forgot you can just pull these things up. Good picture. Yeah, great picture. Great picture. No, here's the thing, it's like I get offered this thing,

and you know, like I act, but I don't chase it, right? So I want to do it, but I don't know if I really like it, you know, because there's a lot of waiting around. Like I'm just, I'm kind of fucked up like that. So I get offered this thing and all I'm thinking is like, I got to be away from home for how long? All right. And, and then because of acting, I'm like, so I'm a supporting role. How much there's gonna be a lot of waiting, you know, the scripts were pretty good. It's gonna be a sweet show. It's kind of a underdog show. Oh, good.

But I decided I'm gonna work on my new hour. I'm gonna go to New Mexico. I had all these plans. Right. And then they're like, well, they want you to do it. I'm like, I don't, I don't, I want to, because we don't, when you run your own business and you have money, and that's not a driving factor,

you can really just like your first instinct is like I don't need to do that. Yeah I do that but when you say Owen Wilson and you see the project and you see your part and stuff and it's an Apple show right? Yeah. So then you know that it's going to look good right? Well that way I had to be told all this. I know but also I know that because you know we've talked about your appearance in old movies, like Almost Famous, I thought it's memorable that you're in that movie, in my mind, so I think acting was always something you wanted to do.

And now that it's available to you, it's hard to say now. Well, what I had to think about, though, was like, okay, so once I get over the idea that I'm gonna be away for a long time, which I don't love, I don't mind going on the road, like for a few days and come home for a few days, but the idea of I'm gonna be away for a long time, which I don't love. I don't mind going on the road for a few days and come home for a few days,

but the idea of I'm gonna be away for my life, but then you're kind of like, what life? I don't have kids, I drive an Avalon that makes noises. So it had to be broken down for me. And also, the fact is is that I do the podcast in a very particular way, and that's the primary form of income. And I have a partner in that business,

and we have responsibilities, and I have to be able to do that. So when I was like, how am I gonna do it? And then they don't know what a podcast is. They're like, well, we'll get you a room when you need a room. But no, I need to talk to people. So that was an obstacle

because I'm in business with somebody too. And this is the primary job, that and standup. Backlog? Well, yeah, but you gotta do that. So I gotta have time with somebody too. And this is the primary job, that and stand up. Backlog? Well, yeah, but you gotta do that. So I gotta have time to do that. Like today I'm doing it. Right. But I can't just go up for three months,

to do a backlog for three months. That's true. So there was a lot of things going on. I'm like, well, it's really gonna cut into the way I live my life. And so I thought like my agent, and that's the thing also is that because the business is so kind of like a lot not happening,

a lot of people aren't working. So they get an offer only, they're like this big deal. You know what I mean? And so I knew like if I'm like fuck it, they're gonna be like, oh, well fuck you. Good luck at work. So the factors that came into my mind is that like I need to figure out whether I really like acting and and this is an opportunity to do that

I got to figure out whether I can you know figure out a way to live away from home in a way that doesn't drive Me fucking crazy and wait in a trailer for hours. That doesn't drive me crazy Yeah, and also I knew that if I want to act, you know, this will put me on some sort of radar, maybe, as a guy who does the work. And I knew all that. But what ultimately drove me to do it was like, I need to figure out whether I really enjoy acting. We all wanna do it.

But to wait three hours to do five minutes in a scene that's two lines. Right. And then to wait another hour to do it again. Can they change that? I don't know. They can't. Yeah, they can. No, you want to believe that?

Because every time. Can they change that? Let me ask you this. When you think, what are you doing? You've been on a lot of sets. Let me ask you this. Right. Don't put your hands in my face for a man.

So you're in the trailer. What's going on here? I'm trying to talk to you. All right, sorry, sorry. Leave your attention. All right, all right. I'm here. It's like a...

Okay, go ahead, I'm here. I'm here, I'm here, I'm here. So you're in the trailer, and you're like, this is just the way this is. You know, I'm gonna wait for the next shot. But at what point do you get to the point like, what the fuck could they be doing? Yes.

We're in a studio. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What is going on? Yeah. I don't know. You guys suck it up. I know but also one time, you remember we were living together, one day I wake up at like 10 in the morning and there was a guy in my in my house, my condo. I go what are you doing here? He's like you had a 6 a.m. call. I was on a sitcom, right? So we rushed to the fucking, remember it was a panic day. And I get on set and I go, I'm so sorry, no one would talk to me, they were livid, right?

I go, what'd you guys do? Oh, we just shot Jenna Fischer out. In my mind I'm like, oh you coulda just got me a 10 then in the first place. You hear me? You didn't need me? Yeah, yeah, just just got me a tent in the first place. You know what I mean? You didn't need me? Yeah, yeah, just call me in a tent. I mean, my point is is that I think they do it too early,

dude, because a lot of times that you wait eight hours, what the fuck is the problem? The problem is is they know that you're a guy that's going to fuck up and not show up for the call, so they're protecting themselves. We better get Bobby. Oh, that's true, that's true. Okay, that's a bad example.

You don't think they've worked with actors every time? That's a bad example. You don't think they've worked with actors every time? That's a bad example. This guy, I don't know. Yeah, yeah. Also, they just want to make sure that you're there. You're there. Okay. But, so, but here's what's happening for the first month. You know, I was up there. You know, there's some good scenes, man. You know, and me and Owen hung out and we had, we have to sell the idea that we've been friends for like 30 years. Okay, that's the one I want to get to because I'm a huge fan of his. I mean, I'm like... Great guy.

And like, and so... That's the one I want to hear. And we, you know, we'd never met before. And I, but like, you know, me, like there, despite what anyone thinks of me, I'm pretty, I can pretty lock in with just about anyone. I fucking love you, dude. Yeah. I really do.

I love you too. Okay. So we, dude. I really do. I love you, too. Okay. So we gel and we're doing the thing. We're talking and we're, you know, before we start shooting. So that's in place. I know that's going to be good. And then there's the scripts and that's a whole other ball of wax. You got to sit there as a comic and as a smart guy and go like, I don't know about this.

Okay. I'm glad you're saying that. I base it on this. So I'm doing a movie next week in Montana for three weeks. Yeah. Okay. And I have to fly all the way to, I think, Butte, Montana, be there for three weeks. Right. I don't know how the food's going to be.

It's going to be a lot of work around, right? Not good. And I know. And then I said no to it a bunch of times. And at the last second, I finally read it. Right. I said no to it before, I didn't And at the last second, I finally read it. I said no to it before, I didn't read it.

Why, why'd you say no? Because you had to go to B Montana, you didn't know if you were going to be there. I was like, I don't want to go over it. Right, right, right, right. This is who we are. Yeah, that's right, that's right. I'm agreeing with you, okay.

But then once I read it, I know, once I read it, the part I was like, oh, I can play this guy. Right. Yeah, yeah, I know how to do this. So then I'm like, and then we call, like, what's the money like? They're like, it's okay. Then let's do it, right?

So, but I think that if it was Owen Wilson on the thing, I would immediately say yes no matter what. But there's also part of me that's nervous. Oh, that's true. And there's also part of me that's sort of like, I'm always the guy that's- How nervous do you get first day. I'm not nervous at all.

Did you just say you're nervous? No, I'm nervous before because here's what my brain does. It's like, well, if they're asking me, they, they must ask everybody else first. You know, no, but see, I don't know that innately about myself. I don't know that about myself either. Right. But generally the reason they're asking people like us is they want whatever it is that we are. Yeah. And I'm sitting here thinking like, I got to become this guy.

They don't want you to become a guy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you don't know that they want this. Right. Yeah. And you're sort of like, I got to get a backstory into place and I got to

figure out a past for this guy. And then by the third week, you're like, I'm not even being, I'm just being me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, but yeah we is that acting yes it is yeah yeah because like the lines are the lines they're not you're right right right if you think of any great actor usually they're just themselves you're right but uh so what happened was I think it's just our nature to be like fuck it I'm not only do it yeah right yeah so once I said like well I gotta

come back every two weeks to do the podcast, I thought, well, that'll get them moving on. That's the big ass. And I didn't wanna, I already said I wanna do it, but my manager was like, well, you gotta let the agent go back with something. I'm like, all right, tell them that I gotta come back

every two weeks for four days. I'm like, I'm out. And they're like, I'm out. And they're like, we'll make it work. Right. Wow. Now you're in. Yeah.

You have to do it. Of course. And have you been doing, hey, you're here now. Yeah, but it's on paper. We got it in writing. When you leave. That was serious. Tomorrow?

Yeah. Wow. But I got a long time home this time because they didn't need me Friday and Saturday. Oh, why? Or Thursday and Friday. Oh, they didn't. Yeah, so I came home, it was nice. But here's the bottom line is that,

here's what I figured out, that if I stay in a condo and I can cook, do the things that I do at home, just to ground me, it's good. Well, what happens to the cats? I have someone watching. But it's hard. It's hard, yeah, yeah.

It's really hard. Yeah, yeah. Because I have the same situation. Yeah, but it's so weird when you hard, yeah, yeah. It's really hard. Yeah, yeah, I have the same situation. Yeah, but it's so weird when you really think about it. You get this weird obsessive thing, like are the cats okay, are they gonna know me? Why don't you let the cats out now? Coyotes.

But before, why wasn't that a fucking? I don't know, because I was stupid. And then you had a coyote eat one of your cats? Probably. You have no idea yet. I don't know. Yeah, yeah. Boomer, I don't know what happened. You still think your cats? Probably. You have no idea. I don't know. Yeah, yeah. Boomer, I don't know what happened.

You still think about him? No. Okay. I know. But if Boomer showed up at your house just randomly, would you be excited? Yeah, it'd be amazing. Okay, yeah.

It's not gonna happen. I went out and looked all over the neighborhood. And that must have been fucking a terrible couple days. No, the whole thing was horrible. Because I had to put that cat, he had to be outside. He was basically an outdoor cat because he pissed on everything in my house Like on everything like I have a cat meaning that's doing the same thing like you want to be out either She just wants to not be stressed out and but this cat would piss where I ate he would piss in my luggage

Yeah, he was marking everything. Yeah. Yeah. And so like I was just sort of like well It was I was when I was just sort of like, well, I was when I was with Mishna. And she was, you know, it doesn't matter. But I put him outside, and I had other cats in the house. And you know, it happened eventually. He just disappeared. Oh my god, so sad.

But it's not as sad as that with Mimo, OK? She's got to stay in that. It was not as sad as having to put two of them down. Oh, wow. That's the saddest thing. That's the hardest thing. And that's how you know how crazy you are. Like I had Kat LaFond that had kidney problems and like she was fucked.

And I was like doing IV fluids every other day. And then you just wait around, it's like you give her the fluids and you'd be like, oh, she's gonna be good. And they're like, no, she's not. Oh wow. Yeah. And I had to put her her that was the fucked up thing it's like i put her down before the pandemic right and then the pandemic happens and then fucking

look lin passes away and then all i've got is monkey and monkey's not doing so well and i'm like dude you gotta hang on the monkey for a little, for at least a couple months. How old was monkey? 16. Oh, monkey. So like Lynn died and like, and all I had was monkey and this other one. And I'm like, dude, I can't handle it. Like, I know you're sick.

Yeah. And I'm giving him IV fluids, but I'm like, you're just gonna have to hang out for a couple more months. Oh, monkey. And then we'll deal with it. Did monkey last? He did. He lasted until I decided to put him out of his misery. Yeah. Yeah. Um, and, but the thing that I hate about monkey, about that whole thing is like,

he had other problems and the kidneys were going and he had hyper, uh, thyroid and all this stuff and he wasn't happy. He was hiding and, uh, but I still don't know if he could have lasted longer. Of course he could have, but after a certain point you've he could have lasted longer. Of course he could have. Yeah. But after a certain point, you've got to make the call. And I brought him in. There's nothing. Are they visually in pain? I mean, you could just see them.

Cats are really good at like hiding the pain, but they get emaciated. They do. And, and Lafonda was loopy. She got loopy. She was just trying to climb in the toilet and like, and so it was done. All right. She lost her mind. All right.

Okay. And, and Monkey was doing that thing where they hide because they just wanna die somewhere. So, is that what, wait, that's what? Animals do, even dogs do that. So Ming is hiding, is that what she's doing? She's hiding from construction that's happening in your home.

Yeah, they get freaked out. Yeah, and she's having sterile UTIs because she doesn't like new people coming into her space. Okay, calm down. Okay. Yeah. But when I brought Monkey into the vet after I'd been doing the fluids, I would literally take during COVID, I'd take him to the vet just to get the fluids so he would stay, you know, okay. And then like, like there was a one, the visit to the vet where I'm like, so what do you

think in the vet? It was a good vet too. He's like, I think he, yeah, do it. I'm like, all right. And I'd already done the fondant and I, and I'm very, and I'm very like, I can do that. Like I can be there. It's heavy, but there's the, but how do you do it? Well, you just sit there, you hold them, they give them the first shot, which puts them to sleep. And then they give them the next shot. That's lethal. And then it's over. And then, you know, you get, you, you And then it's over. And then you let them take them away and then you get the ashes. But the worst part is,

the fucking leaving that vet with the empty fucking carrier. Oh my God, you're fucking breaking my heart right now, man. Oh my God, it's the worst. The worst. Do you get a kitten right away or no? Yeah, I did. Yeah, you have to almost. Well, I had the one kitten, I had Buster.

Yeah, she's crying. She's crying. Terrible. I can't even deal with putting animals. But it's the thing you got to do. I used to do it jokingly. Why'd you add the empty carriage thing? I mean, I was finding it so then.

No, because that is so real. It's like, ugh, I can't even talk about it. Because I'm just going to burst out crying. This is the funniest episode we've done. I mean, you shouldn't have the empty cr-courage. No, and it's- It's the symbol of the- it's just so sad. But there's something that happens to you because you-

your every move in your home, there is a part of you where you always expect them to be, like in a corner of the house, and then you come home and you think you see them, but they're not there. Oh my God. And like, that is so jarring to my mental. Well, I had the kitten, I had Buster. So like this black kitten, this is a whole other thing. Like I, this kitten showed up at my old house. It was a little black kitten and he was like, you know, he was out there. I'm not wrong. He was, I don't think it was, I think somebody had him for a while and he got out and he was about maybe two months, but he was little. Yes. Is that him?

Yeah, that's very young Buster. Yeah Buster Handsome, but this fucking cat I had him like it wasn't my he might have been a year old It was young and he ate something like he I don't like I didn't some plants or something Yeah, and like he got he was like throwing up water and he was like he couldn't move and and I was like what the fuck so I bring him to the emergency vet and Or I bring it to my vet and the vets like he's in renal failure. I'm like, what do we do? I'm like, I you got to bring him to an emergency vet and get him like you got to try to save his life

So like I've always been one of these people with cats, you know, and it's like a hard line to take and it's not real, but I'm like, what kind of idiot would spend 10 grand to save a fucking cat? So I got this kitten, that's monkey, I got this kitten and I bring him to the vet and they put him on IV fluids and he's in renal failure

and I'm just sort of like, we got to save this cat. The next day I'm bringing over my shirt so he can smell him and like $9,000 weight or I'm like, thank God. Is he alive? Yeah. God, thank God. Good story. Well see, that's what you spend your money on.

I feel like my biggest expense is, are my animals. And the other, a couple of weeks ago, he thought I freaked out because all my dogs, I was, I rescued a crow and I was feeding this crow. A bird? It was a couple weeks ago, he thought I freaked out because all my dogs, I rescued a crow and I was feeding this crow. It was a care raven, yeah. And I left grapes out for this raven. I didn't know that, well, we didn't know at that time

that the dogs were gonna get to the grapes. Grapes are toxic for dogs. So all four dogs I had to take to the emergency. Oh my God, that's La Fonda, yeah. But expensive, but then we don't even think twice about it. We're like, of course, let's just like blow all our money on trying to save everybody. They were fine, they were fine.

Yeah, I mean, there comes a point where like, you realize how much you project onto these animals that you sort of lose focus of where they're at, like with the cats, like, because some people keep cats alive just so long and they've already had a great life. And because they're not in the wild, they're still alive. But there comes a point you can't just hold onto that,

you know, half hour where they're acting normal and think everything's gonna turn around. But now I got two other kittens, Charlie, I got Charlie. How old is Charlie? He's like almost two years now and he's like such an asshole. Like, Kit worked at the Humane Society, my girlfriend. Oh yeah, yeah. I love her by the way. Yeah, she loves you too.

And you know, she got, somebody there had a litter of kittens and I just had Buster. That's Charlie. Awww. A young Charlie. And, but it was weird. So Kit gets me a litter and I picked this like gray tabby that looked so cool But it turned out the family that had the litter they wanted to keep that one So I got one that looked like monkey like an orange tabby Hmm, it's Sammy and Sammy's like like he always looked scared and nervous and now in and then he was like

He was just stupid. He was like he was just stupid he was like this dumb fucking cat yeah and I and I'm like what if what am I gonna do with this dumb cat like he didn't like yeah but but I'm he still there yeah okay good good yeah because eventually you like okay I get him now yeah he's not dumb he's just slow and he's we have one of those but I feel more I love the dumb ones I think well yeah you turn they turn out to be better your favorite cats because they're harder to read and it turns it that's Yeah, that's a young Charlie. See how nervous he looks. Yeah. Oh my god, but he loves you Yeah, I mean is now is he purring next to you there or no? I think he was just sort of like I

Cute cat. I'm not sure what's happening But dude, let me ask you some mark do you like sometimes at home, right? Yeah, and I see my cats and sometimes I'm not sure what's happening. What a cute cat, David. I'm not sure what's happening. Aren't cabbies the best? That's Sammy. Let me ask you something, Mark. Do you spend, like, sometimes I'm at home, right? Yeah. And I see my cats and sometimes, you know, I kind of ignore them. Yeah.

But so I have to kind of force myself to go, you know what, spend like 10 minutes with each cat and, you know, and connect. Yeah, see, I'm not a standard cat person because like, I walk in, I'm like, what's going on? Where we at? Buster. Oh, you talk to them. Well person, because I walk in, I'm like, what's going on? Where we at? Buster.

Oh, you talk to them. Well, Buster talks. Oh, right. I always have at least one talking cat. Like, I'll go, Buster, Buster. Yeah, yeah. Buster, and I'm like, there you go. Yeah, oh, and you have a communication.

Oh, yeah, I'm totally locked in with them. Okay. All the fucking time. Now, I'm going to ask you something that happened. But Charlie, I got to tell you, Charlie showed up. There was a feral litter next door, and the mother had moved them all under my steps. And back, there was like six of them.

And she was moving them again, I guess, and I looked under there to see if they were okay, and there was just this one ball of fur under there. And I'm like, she was probably coming back for him, but I'm like, I'm getting that one. And it was Charlie, and he was like two weeks old. So Kit. Shivering? No, but Kit had to like, she was probably coming back for him, but I'm like, I'm getting that one. And it was Charlie, and he was like two weeks old. So Kit- Shivering?

No, but Kit had to like, I didn't know what to do with a two week old cat. So Kit- He was just happy like, hey! No, he was like, he was barely formed. And bottle fed, right? Yeah, Kit had a fucking bottle feed of every three hours. That's what we did with Bojo.

Oh yeah, that's what we did with Bojo, yeah, yeah. And now he's like just this little fucking asshole. But yeah, I'm very tight with all the cats. But does that make us a specific kind of person? I don't know. I don't really think I fall into the stereotypical spectrum of cat guy. Marlon Brando was a cat guy? Yeah, but he's sort of interior and kind of like-

But you, I mean, can I just say something? You are like that. What are you talking about? No, no, no, I'm just saying that you are a complex interior kind of a guy. Yeah. All right? You're like artsy and kind of sometimes,

I think that you're super close. I mean, I like you a lot lot but I think at times you meet maybe there was times where you been maybe seen moody yeah yeah okay I'll accept that right I grew up with dogs and I just don't live the life that were dog kids just adopted a dog and you know I'm wired for dogs I had dogs all around I love dogs yeah yeah but like I don't like I like cats because it's sort of like, all right, you do your thing. Yeah.

And then like when I need to connect with you, we'll try. We'll try to connect. I think that's what I'm looking for. I think that's what I'm looking for in a mate. Yeah, me too. A girl that's a psychic, you know what I mean? They're doing their own thing and we'll connect when we connect.

Right, that's sort of what's going on. She got this mini bull terrier kit. Oh, I love bull terriers. Oh, the big nose spuds mechanic. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She got one of those and she was like, I love it, I want it. And then she got it and one day later she's like,

this is a lot and I'm like, you got a dog. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Does she live close or do you guys live together? No, we don't live together. She's in an apartment over in Hollywood. But like she brought the dog over to meet the cats. I'm like, I don't know together. She's in an apartment over in Hollywood. But she brought the dog over to meet the cats. I'm like, I don't know how this is gonna go. Sometimes dogs are just crazy.

And the cats are curious, but I don't know. There's a lot of animals. I have so much trust in cats when they get intro'd to dogs because they'll fuck them up. They have so much advantage. They have the height. I mean, they're faster, they're smarter. Yeah, yeah. I don't worry about that so much advantage. They have the height. I mean, they're faster, they're smarter. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I don't worry about that so much. I wanna ask you advice on something real quick. Don't forget. Something that just happened to me today. May I? Yeah. Okay. So I don't know how specific I can get because it's- Not specific at all.

I can't get specific at all, okay. It's gonna be a challenging question. It's not gonna be challenging. I think I can't get specific at all. Okay. It's just me a challenging question It's not gonna be challenged. I think I can work my way around it So, you know, I I did something for a company. Okay But what that's already giving away too much an event I went on an event yeah, right it's a corporate event promotional event Yeah, I mean it could could be could be not. Okay, so you get a corporate. Could be, could be not. Could be, could be not, right?

And they gave me somebody to be somebody, like a handler. Intimate with. Hmm, just a handler. Or assistant. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? Walk you through everything you needed to do. Right. Yeah.

And I made some jokes to this person, right? While I was having a cigarette outside, I made a couple of physical jokes because I'm a comic. Right, sure. And then I found that today this individual went to HR and I got in trouble. You know what I mean?

Can we talk about the jokes? We can bleep it out. Well yeah, well he had a reverse mustache. Like he had like hair missing here. He was an Asian guy. Yeah. I go, what are you doing a reverse **** like what's going on there? Right?

He goes, well, it's growing. I go, all right, well, maybe shave it. And I don't know. Yeah. That's pretty much all I said, really. Then he went to HR and he called me ****. You called him a reverse ****. A reverse ****.

Right. And it was, yeah. And then I get a call like, you know, you got to, you know, You call him a reverse. A reverse. And then I get a call like, you know, you got to, you know, like got kind of scolded, like you got to watch your mouth. You know what I mean? And I'm thinking to myself, what is the fuck is going on around here? Yeah. You know, I mean, am I, am I wrong for? No, the, the, the thing is, is that is is that, as comics,

how we interact with each other, we're like animals. So you get out into the real world and you start doing just the thing that we do, and people, they can't even take the force of it. They don't even know what to do with it. So that's what it is. Yeah. Because in my mind, I'm like. Because in my mind I'm like,

in my mind I'm like, you know, this person is. You were trying to get a laugh. I got a laugh from another guy next to him. Oh, that might have been the problem. That was a big one. Yeah, yeah, it was like, you know what I mean, a really nice laugh. Yeah.

It was really hearty. So what you're saying, it was worth it. It wasn't worth it in the sense that I have to apologize and do all these things. Yeah. And then I also have to go, oh, my reputation, you know, it's like it. It wasn't worth it in the sense that I have to apologize and do all these things, and then I also have to go, oh, my reputation, you know, it's gonna be your reputation and all this stuff, and it's like, I never even thought in my wildest dreams that that would be a thing that somebody would go

to a place and complain about. I guess it's the culture we're in, but we're not, the thing, like, it's one of these things where if you're gonna take a job, you know, that is, you're not in control of it, but you know, you've decided to work and do, like even a TV show. You know, like sometimes I talk on the podcast,

and like, you know, these guys that like do Disney shows, they can't even fucking talk in the world. Oh, they can't? Yeah. So like, you know, you gotta know going in, I mean, you couldn't have known this, but you know, we live life autonomy that we, because we control our own lives.

So as soon as you're on the payroll for whatever, there's a difference. Well, trust me, from now on, I ain't doing anything. Like, I ain't saying shit. I think it's just your way of like, trying to strike a rapport, right? Yeah, okay. It's I think it's just your way of trying to strike a rapport. Yeah, it's easy. I've done that so many times in my life

where you just say a thing. Yeah. And whatever. I was banned from Comedy Central for years. Why? I just told someone else, it was fucking crazy, dude. Because back in the day. I like this shit here, it was fucking crazy, dude. Because I'm like, back in the day.

I like this shit here. Back in the day, I would, you know, I'm good poking. I know, you're a very good poker. Right, so, but like when you have the skill set to make it funny, it doesn't, like, I can, like if I focus in on somebody's weakness or whatever, I do it innately. It's protective.

Well, so anyway. I also, I always feel like you know my soft spots. And you could really. But I don't. And I know you wouldn't. But I'm just saying. Everyone knows your soft spots. Really?

They do? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I mean, that's what you do. Yeah, yeah. Do I, I think I know some of your soft spots. Sure. Okay, let's move on.

It's not hard. I'm just warning you, I know too. Yeah, like I've gotten very good at not. I know everyone's soft spots. I really do. I really do. And do you know mine? Let's call it a truce.

Let's move on. Yeah. Okay. The, uh, it's like when you don't know what to say, you'll come up with another soft spot. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, but. Comedy Central go. Oh, so they just, it had just been taken over

by Doug Herzog and Eileen Katz. We're moving over from MTV to take over the new Comedy Central. So this is back in New York. I think it might even be before I got sober. Wow. And it was like, it had just happened. And there was a big office event at this club in New York,

Catch a Rising Star. And I didn't realize it was all the people that worked at Comedy Central. They weren't there, but it was all the, they were kind of at the comedy club. Yeah. And I got on stage and I said, I think it's great that Eileen and Doug came over from MTV

to run Comedy Central, because I think all of television should look like a round-the-clock pie-eating contest. Oh my god. I like it. It's a great joke. It's great. I like it. Were they there?

No, they weren't there. Oh good. No, not good. No, not good, not good? No, they weren't there. Oh, good. No, not good. No, not good, not good. No, because someone ratted me out. Do you know who it is? No, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter, we gotta get them.

I'll stand by that joke till the fucking day I die. That was a solid goddamn joke. And I like it. Yeah, yeah. But I was told years later that after first corporate retreat, when they were laying out sort of the agenda for the new Comedy Central, Herzog was like, no Mark Maron ever. Wow. Basically.

Wow. Like I was a topic at the corporate retreat. Wow. That's insane, dude. topic at the corporate. Whoa, that's insane dude. And to this day, like I, you know, I've run into Doug here and there and they're still like, fuck you and me, man. Not about him. Is he nice to you? Yeah, but I know that, you know, that there's no, there's no go back. No, but, but also like I'll stand by that joke. Like I'm not, I'm not by that joke. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Like, I'm not mad at him for icing me out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm sort of like. If you had to do it again, you would still do the joke. Yeah, it was sort of like, you know, like, the feeling I have is like, I got you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't.

You got his heart and his soul. But yeah, but that part of me is not a great part. Oh, that part of you, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, because how do I still stand? I'm like, I fucking. You still, yeah. If I hadn't made it, it'd be a different story. If I hadn't landed on my feet and I ran into Doug Herzog,

I'd be like, hey, so. Oh, right, right, right. That could've happened. Of course. Yeah, yeah. But I've done shit like that before. Success is the best part. Where you just hurt somebody's feelings

because we don't think about that in the moment. Yeah, I think the moral of the story is I have to remember that outside isn't the patio of the Comedy Store. That's right. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and sometimes I act as if it is.

Yeah. And that everyone's like a part of it and they're not. Yeah, like I'm on this show now. Yeah. And I'm busting balls with the show runners. Yeah. Like about the writing and stuff sometimes. Yeah.

And like, and I'm like, oh god. Treads lately. And they're laughing. Yeah, oh they are. They like me and they like what I'm doing. OK, OK. You know, but I know that I'm almost crossing the line. Mm.

You know? Can you think? Because they'll still laugh at you. Right, right. They'll still laugh at me. And then like, I've fucking had enough of this. I know that's what I'm saying. So is there a good way to say before you do a job

or anything, go, FYI, just want you guys to know, if I go too far, just let me know. Sure. You see that upfront, like if I'm doing this movie next week. You probably should know. What do you mean? You should know when you're going too far.

That's the thing, I don't know if I do. I don't think he does at all. And I think that that's the problem. Last week I walked through the door and I put on a little weight. He was like, you look like a baked potato. And then this week he was like, walk through the door. Well you have a history.

So if you're gonna. And then today he was like, you look like the thing. Wow. Okay, here we go. What are you mad about? I'm not mad about anything. Yeah, I'm sorry. But I feel like you just don't really know,

I think Mark's correct, like I don't think you quite know when you've gone too far. We're not socialized. I think that's, yeah, yeah. He's a little feral still. I'm a little feral, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And I wanna, but I can do this, I can keep my mouth shut. Yeah, that's, yeah, yeah. We're these little feral still. I'm a little feral, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And I wanna, but I can do this.

I can keep my mouth shut. Yeah, that's all. Yeah, exactly. But I will shut down. But I'll shut down. Yeah, but you have a hard time doing that too. What? No, in a corporate thing now, shut down.

You'll see. You can shut down and just sort of like. In a corporate thing? Yeah. Dude, when I go to, dude, let me say something right now. And you know, fuck everyone in this room. Which is happening. I'm gonna tell you something, no, I got really mad. Hold on. Hold on. Let me just say something Don't fucking shake your hand. All right, I

Remember how bad I used to poo in the exec I put in in the executive producers office. Nick Masucci just in his office Where when I was on mad TV, I put in the executive producers or yeah Well, there's no way to misinterpret that Pretty straightforward, I know. That was pretty straightforward. I know, but my sense is that you can't be like, I don't understand why, that I crossed the line. I know, I know.

I mean, this is the kind of like line, like there was just no, you know what I mean? And I've learned to- You thought that was funny? Yeah. And, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because the other actor that was in the room watching me do it was laughing his ass off. Like, I can't, yeah, because the other actor that was in the room watching me do it

was laughing his ass off. Like I can't believe it, you know what I mean? Yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah, it was very funny, it was very funny. But, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but,

but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, from shitting in public? No, but I feel like I've changed slowly.

Yeah. And now on a set, you know, I'm on time, I know my lines, there's no problem. Yeah. Right, it's just that in this publicity thing, I just wasn't, that wasn't in my mind because it's like, it's not a job. I'm like, you know what I mean, out at.

But we also don't, like, you don't realize your power of the charisma we have from doing what we do, right? So you're already way, you know, you're larger than life in how you engage in the world, just by nature of how we do. And people that have regular jobs, you know, people like us, they're sort of like, oh my God, it's a lot. It's already a lot. So when, here's the experiment, just have regular small talk. Ooh.

Ooh. Just sort of like, well, this is going pretty well, don't you think? Yeah, it is. Like, thanks for the help. Let me see if I can do that. Like, what's the setting? Okay, so we're about to do a show for, you've taken a corporate gig, right? And I'm a middle management at the corporation.

And you're about to go on and you don't even like the corporation and you're mad that you took the gig. Okay. And I'm like... He has a weird haircut and he has snot coming down. Yeah, yeah. So I'm like, you're ready for the show? It's going to be great.

Yeah, I mean, and it, normally not something that I do at this venue, but you know, I'm gonna do the best. Why even that? Where do you get the light lamp fixtures? No, no, no. No? No. It's so weird.

He started out there. Why? Because you're sort of like, yeah, I don't do this usually and I don't really like doing them. Yeah, but that's not something that you can go to HR about. No, it's not, but- Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not gonna that's not something that you go to HR about no it's not but it is something yeah it is something where the guy who don't know he knows you as the convict

they hired to do the so now he's gonna be like oh okay start over start over start over hey we're so happy you're here man I'm really glad you're here thank you so much that It's to be here. Yeah, everybody's really excited. Yeah, and it's gonna be, you know. No, we could just. Yeah, yeah. It's gonna be what?

Who? It's gonna be what? No, I'm so happy to be here. Yeah, great. Thanks for doing it. Yeah, and it's good, yeah, anytime. Okay. Is that good?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow, that was hard. That was stressful for me. What? Dude, that was so hard. Just ask them questions. What, yeah. Yeah, how. That was hard. That was stressful for me. What? Dude, that was so hard. Just ask them questions. What?

Yeah. How long you been working at this dumb job? All right. So- I know what he does. No. When I, what? He'll zero in on someone's pimple or mole or something. He's like, who's your friend? Oh yeah. Yeah.

Okay. Please. I haven't done that in years. Right? You do that all the time. Okay. I'm gonna say- You do it all the time. I'm gonna tell you something that I did in Winnipeg, right? Where Tom had to interfere, Tom Sigurra had to interfere.

Yeah, intervene. Intervene, I mean, intervene. So we're doing this outdoor event called the Great Outdoors. It's like everyone's, it's just thousands of people sitting on these picnic benches. This just happened. Couple weeks ago, yeah.

So I'm back there and there's a guy in Winnipeg who owns a comedy club. And it seems like everyone knows him. And Tom goes, hey, and they hug, right? And I go, who's that? And Tom goes, oh, he owns the, for years he's owned this comedy club. I go, I never got an offer.

That was the first thing I came out of mind. And he's like, oh, but you know, yeah, I've been everywhere. You never offered me. Yeah, good start. Nice opening. It's already a bad, right? And then he goes, yeah, but I heard, you know, you're a little raunchy, right? Oh, really, who the fuck?

You know, it's already, now I'm that. And then Tom had us go and tell him, he's just weird, he doesn't know how to do it. He doesn't know how to be outside. He literally said that. And then Tom, I go, oh, anyway, nice to meet you. And you know what I mean? It sort of took me out of that thing.

That's exactly it. He doesn't know how to be outside. You know what? He's a very good example for, do everything Tom does. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you like Tom? Love it. Do everything Tom does. Oh really? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you like Tom?

Love him. I love him too. Yeah, and he's like, he can read a room, he can read people, and he knows where his bread is buttered. He's not gonna fuck up anything. Yeah, so just. Do what Tom does. Yeah, I'm gonna do what Tom does.

Hey buddy. Hey buddy. Yeah. Oh good. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I mean. Yeah. Uh huh. Yeah. Okay.

I mean, if you ran into a club guy who never hired you. If you watch Tom on like Two Bears or whatever, when, whether it's Bert or a guest talking, if Tom, like, you know, he'll opt for just sitting there going uh huh, uh huh. Yeah. He won't fucking get in there if it's gonna be trouble.

You learn, trouble. Yeah. He backs away from trouble, yeah, yeah. Kinda. Yeah, he's good, yeah. Wow, anyway, I've learned so much from you today. What's wrong? I just remember, like I don't,

Bert got mad at me and it was like, it made me very upset. Because it got out of hand. Huh? Still mad? Well it wasn't about a real thing. Like I was on an Instagram Live, just doing a thing,

and I was rambling on, you know, like I do. And I was talking about Netflix, and basically what I said was that Netflix has created this cash grab culture where a certain echelon of comics can just do pop-up shows shit-faced and make millions of dollars. Yeah. And I wasn't talking about Bert.

Why? Do you know who I was talking about? Andrew. No. Who? Chappelle. Oh, Dave Chappelle, yeah, yeah, I, yeah. And it's not an unknown thing. Yeah. It does a pop up. It was unknown to me, but yeah, but I decided just to be diplomatic and not mention names.

And then somebody on fucking Instagram was like talking about Chrysler. Oh, that's how it started. And then like, and then it got, it picked up some traction in that world. I don't even know any of this is going on. Yeah. And I didn't. Yeah. On don't even know any of this is going on. Yeah. And I didn't. Yeah, on TikTok. Yeah, you saw it? Yeah.

Yeah. So I had no idea any of this is going on. Wow. And then I'm flipping through the stuff and I saw Burt at the comedy store, you know, before I knew anything. And he was like so shut down and weird. I'm like, what's going on?

And he's like, you know. And I'm like, what the fuck? Wow. Why Burt? You never see Burt like that. Yeah, yeah. And then like I'm yeah and I never see Bert like that yeah yeah and then like I'm scrolling and I see him on a podcast saying like you know there's this guy who we were friends you know if he's been on my show I've been on his show and like he said some shit and you know Rogan told like

Rogan got in my ear and said he he's not your boy and all this. And his name rhymes with, and I'm like, Oh my God, this happened. Right. So then I'm like, this is crazy. And so I call Bert and I'm like, dude, I wasn't talking about you. Wow. I said, you don't do pop-up shows. Yeah.

I was talking about Dave and Bert's like, well, that tracks. I'm like, well, great, so now what do we do? Right, he made the whole thing. Yeah, he made a whole thing out of it. Ultimately, it doesn't really matter. I don't live in that world. You do. But it was just so upsetting that somebody had clipped it

for TikTok and then rehashed tagged it. And Burt's like, well, I saw what you, the tag. And I'm like, I didn't do that. Like I'm going to, like, I'm going to equip that and then hashtag it. Bert Kreischer isn't funny. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it was the audience for that though. Cause I was like, Oh, this is great. I had no idea what's going on. Yeah. But it is fun. It's fun to watch. Yeah you know but it's just like it's good. It sucks for the friendship. Yeah yeah yeah. And Rogan had bought it as well. He bought it but I really wasn't talking about him. Yeah it's so

funny because there was a comic that I just talked to. He's kind of famous and he just basically said Mark Maron doesn't like me and I go do you know him? He's like no I I just talked to, he's kind of famous, and he just basically said Mark Maron doesn't like me. And I go, do you know him? He's like, no, I can just tell, you know what I mean? Everyone thinks that about me, he doesn't like, he can't, some people just lock in with me immediately. But I told the guy, I go, told the guy, you're reading it wrong, you're 100% reading it wrong.

Because you think so? I go, yeah. So who's this comic? That guy that doesn't like him? Matt Rife. Yeah, I don't like him. It's just a joke. I don't know him. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think I've ever met him. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you know, like I, I

have made comments like this is my, this is going to be a problem with me, you know, going on into the future is that, you know, because I'm of another generation, you know, and, and because because I'm of another generation, and because of my opinions of crowd work in general as a crutch, I'm going to judge it differently. So whether or not it becomes like, ultimately it's a whole different game and anybody's success, however they do it, but I'm going to have this old timey, kind of like, you know, crowd work is something you should know how to do in case you have to.

But the defend Matt, in a sense though, but the crowd work stuff is what made him viral, right? No, I get it. But that isn't essentially what he does. He has jokes and he has an act. How are they? I think some of them are okay. Some of them, interesting.

You qualified that. I haven't seen this whole set, but I'm just saying that, I mean, okay, I love what you're doing right now. He just put you in a picture. Stop, stop, stop, now here we go. What I wanna say is, but when you see a kid come to LA,

wait in the open mics like he did, crawl his way up like he did, he's been running forever. I knew him when he was a kid, right? And doing spots every night, grinding, grinding. You know, you kind of go, you know, he did put in the work. Yeah, so here's the thing with that. If I generalize about where comedy is at now,

there's going to be comics that represent that who are going to just assume that it's some sort of personal thing. But it's just me being a fucking old man in one way. And me just seeing what's happening with the form and being critical of it. So like I don't even know that guy. Like I don't know that I met him.

I have not really seen his act. But you have to do understand that these young guys look up to you, because you're sort of like, you know. But you have to do understand that these young guys look up to you because you're sort of like, you know. They do? They do. Oh. You know what I mean?

Not only do they do, like I always say that, you know, without you and that other guy, that podcasting wouldn't be what it is. I mean, you guys. Joe? Yeah. You guys are both the pioneers in different ways we've learned, you know what I mean?

So my point being is that we do look up to you. And so he, you know, and he's also, you guys are both the pioneers and in different ways. We've learned You know me so my point being is that we do look up to you and so he you know And he's also you know I know he's hot right now and all that but he's a very sensitive guy Well, and he wants to be accepted by the community. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I I don't have anything to like I have nothing personal against it Do you know yeah, yeah, and and ultimately none of, good. Yeah, yeah. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And ultimately, none of it, like here's the thing is that because of this culture we live in, everybody wants to cause trouble and pit people against each other or whatever.

And certainly I talk about comedy in a certain way and there are certain problems I have about where it's at now, but who gives a fuck? I mean, I want to ask, what are some of your problems then? About where it's at now, but who gives a fuck? I mean, I want to ask what are some of your problems then? About where it's at? Yeah. Well, it's just the model has changed.

Like the TikTok, the little TikTok viral. When you spend your life and you came up the same way, were you like, you know, I want to be a headliner. You know, I want to do the work. I want to have my hour. And, you know, and I'm going to go through all the ways to do it, to get there and put in the work and find myself and all that shit You know when when it becomes about something else that putting asses in seats is relative to followers

Putting asses in seats is relative to you going and providing crowd work that they're expecting and all that stuff to me that you know it kind of it What's the word I want? It disrespects the form that I came up with. And it's just stupid shit. But ultimately, the fact is, I've got my world, I've got my audience, I do well,

and the rest of it, on some level, should just be the rest of it. But you could also say that about what we're doing. For instance, public comics older than us are going, well, you know, I had to, you know what I mean, write a sitcom and get a show. That's not stand up. I'm just talking about stand up.

I know, do stand up, right? Do the Tonight Show and then maybe get a TV deal. Like the Seinfeld route or the fucking Tim. Yeah, that's over. I know, my point being is that, and then now they go, you know, we can do it, have our own show at home, like what this is, you know what I mean? No, I get it.

But like even early on, there were people that would come into the comedy space, and because they were known people, they could sell tickets. And they were not stand-ups. They may have put together a few minutes, or put together a little act, and club owners, look, they don't give a fuck. You know, they self-think.

What are you saying, the difference between a stand-up and someone that's not is somebody that does it a specific way? That does stand-up. Right, right, right. The rights, yeah, a point of view, jokes, and stand-up, okay. That they earned their place. Right, okay. They earned their place. Right, okay.

They earned their place. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Is that crazy? Well, no, I mean, I think I'd say a different way. Get street cred. I get, you know, stand up street cred. No, no, that's different.

It's not, I don't think it is. I think that if I go to any club in LA or in New York, right, there's no problem with me being there because I have the street credibility. Like I did the Tonight Show, I've been around for a long time. I've done all these things. You did the work in your professional stand. That's what I'm saying.

It's the same thing, but it's not necessary. Some people who get street cred, they might not deserve it. Oh, I see. But you are a real comic, and you paid your dues, and you did all that stuff. I've always wanted the acceptance of my elders before anything else. I think yeah, is that what you're saying or no? No, I I mean look I understand that like I don't really know how people think about me or where they Put me and I know that there is in my mind There there are some comics that you comics that you want to fuck with me

because of my political views or whatever. But ultimately, I do it exactly how I want to do it. And no one really does it like me. And I've built a career out of that. It's been amazing, yeah. And my standup is the best that I can do. And no one can take, no one's gonna say like that Guy cut corners. Yeah, you know

So like I just the real challenge of it is I just have to be okay with that But the problem with me is when something becomes a cultural phenomenon That is yeah, that is fair game for criticism and jokes. Right? Yeah. And, but, but the bottom line is when they become a cultural phenomenon, a lot of times it's like, yeah, but it's just that guy and you know that guy.

Yeah. So if you're going to criticize the cultural phenomenon, but a lot of it revolves around that guy, you still got to be able to shoulder the possibility that that guy's gonna be pissed off. Even though what you're saying has cultural relevance. It still comes down to like, you're gonna see him in the hallway, and you criticized what he represents,

and there's no way he's not gonna take that personally. I mean, that happened to me a million years ago with Alan Sandler. It's the same thing. I did a thing on Conan where it wasn't making fun of Sandler directly, it was a bigger bit, and it was making fun of the idea of an Adam Sandler fan. It was part of a bit.

Like he turned his hat around. It wasn't even a direct shot at him. And it's the same with the Comedy Central thing, of a bit. Like he turned his hat around. It wasn't even a direct shot of him. And it's the same with the Comedy Central thing in a way. So I did this on Conan. And I went to the improv one night. And Sandler comes up to me. And this is a long time, this is the 90s. And he says, I hear you talking about me.

I'm like, yeah, I did on Conan. You're just direct, yeah, yeah. But in my mind, I wasn't making fun of him. Yeah, I don't think you were. I was making fun of the type of audience that that is. Yeah. But he's got every right to take a personal. Right.

And I feel like he's, I've seen him and. And I thought, and I feel like he's like, you know, I've seen him and he's nice to me and I did a show with him, but that's, I know that that was, but not unlike the Comedy Central thing, I don't think I was in the wrong, but I had to take the hip for that. Take the hip, yeah. But it's like anything, it's like any joke

you decide to make, there's no, you can make any joke you want. This is the problem with a lot of the cancel culture shit, is you can make any joke you want. You can say whatever you want to say, but there may be some kind of personal consequences, not consequences. It's not like, well, there shouldn't be any consequences. Like I don't, what world do you live in?

You know, like, like you have to read the room, you know, make the choice, you know, decide like, well, I'm going to say this, but there's gonna be some pushback, and I gotta take that hit. I took it. Right. I took the hit. Take that hit. See, the only real censorship there is

is self-censorship out of self-protection, in a way. Like, is it worth the risk? Nope. But it's like that. Yeah, yeah. It's like that scene at the end of The Longest Yard with Burt Reynolds. Yeah.

Where he was gonna. I was at the Anderson Sandlin movie. Yeah, he did the remix. Yeah, go ahead. But like where he was supposed to throw the game to the guards. Yeah. And like Burt Reynolds goes up to, you know,

the guy who's the water boy who's like 90. And the reason he's a water boy is because he had hit the warden at some point. And then he's never going to get out of jail because of that. And at the end of the movie, Burt Reynolds goes because he's about to decide whether he's going to win this game or not, even though he's supposed to lose.

And he walked up to that guy and he said, you know, when you did that, was it worth it? And the guy goes, definitely. And he went and to that guy and he said, you know when he did that Was it worth it and the guy goes? definitely and You know and he went and won the game. Wow. I Love that But it's a personal choice. Yeah. Yeah, I love that but even in talking about it now you when I think about that Comedy Central joke Yeah, love it Yeah, and even the Adam Sandler joke, yeah, you know, I understood the point he was making yeah, but I still can you know

Own my side of it, you know, and I'm so passed and you worked with them, you know, man So yeah, yeah because it was like, you know, I'm not that kind of comic anymore. Yeah, I guess I know you've softened so much I I don't I'm not as. Like that's what got me into trouble with Burt misinterpreting what I said. Like it would have been better if I would have just said Chapelle. And then it would, so what, people would be like, hey, fuck you, Chapelle's great.

But because I was like, you know, I was a little cagey about it, then it was misdirected on a guy who I love. And so, you know, and that was me trying to like avoid, you know, like just being coded a little bit. So people like, oh, I still like my Chappelle, but clearly not clear enough. Oh yeah, yeah, check this out.

I wanted you to just bring this because of the cover. Is that for me though? Can I have it? Yeah, there's one behind you. Oh good. Yeah, cause I only have like 10 of them. That, that picture, I just love the cover because that picture, I'm doing a bit about it now,

but like I do this hike in Glendale, you know? And for some reason I went alone, I didn't go with Andrew Santino. I went, because he won't go with me anymore. No, I usually go with my friend. But I got to the top and I do these stretches, and one of them is I just squat down to stretch out my hips and shit.

And I stood up fast and I blacked out. And I fucking just went down. And I woke up with my face on the ground. But you were on a hill? No, I was at the top of the hill. But I fell down, I woke up, and my face was on the ground. Why did you pass out? Well, it's like a head rush thing.

Because my blood pressure was low from the hike, and I was a little dehydrated. So I just went down. And you took a photo of that? This is like right after that. Wow. I wanted to make sure I had it documented. And then I'm like, that's got to be the record card.

And the reason I, the comedy album cover is really the hardest thing. Because 99% of the time, they don't age well. You look at any old comedy cover, it's always someone with a different haircut than they have now, doing something like, dee dee, like there's stuff around, there's a horse, there's whatever.

And I'm like, this one's gonna stick. This is so bad, fuck and fuck. So go buy Mark Maron's To Bleak To Dark. From Bleak To Dark, yeah. Did I just say that? Yeah, it's good because like HBO, I did a special on HBO, and I don't know, like, you know, a lot of people,

it's hard to get HBO in Europe and stuff, but now like, all you have to do is buy a record player. Mm. So much easier. Just buy a record player. Get a record. Get a whole full stereo system. But if I go to like iTunes or Spotify

Oh yeah definitely. Yeah you can listen to it. Alright give Mark a round of applause, that was fucking amazing. Thank you for watching!