TigerBelly - Mark Normand, Bombs, Booms & Blasts
Episode Date: August 16, 2023Mark is more metro. Bobby has wear and tear. We chat 2 girls 1 cup, NYC sexual advice, penguins, Lizzo, old-timey talk. TigerBelly Tickets: www.tigerbellylive.com...
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Ladies and gentlemen boys and girls, Tiger Belly is going live and we have two beautiful dates.
We're gonna be August 26th, ACL Live at the Moody Theater.
Moody!
And then we're gonna be August 31st, the Moore Theater in Seattle, Washington.
Moore!
Moore Theater.
What Moore?
And we want more.
Hey, poor, I got the window and nobody showed up and I was like, oh baby, we go get the middle seat open and then in came Ralphie May. I
Hate what I mean this guy look we can save it if you want but we're recording now
I got nothing against the tubbos the ch chubbets, the fatties,
the lizos, whatever you want to call them.
But I look at fat like smoking.
You could smoke, but once you blow it into my face, now I'm pissed.
And he's got second hand fat in my chair.
I got the gut and the arm.
Yeah.
He's all over me.
Yeah.
Well, I have this rule that if I sit next to someone
who is taking up more space than usual,
that I should be allowed to lean on them and
Use them as a pillow and they usually allow me they're really nice about it like this woman
I had a 17 hour flight to Melbourne and this woman was like look
I'm a big woman if you could just hop over me to go to the bathroom that'd be great
But also if you need to lean on me you can I'm like thank you. Yeah, I don't want to touch you. I don't care
But she was really sweet. Marshmallow people.
First off, she wasn't, she was really cozy.
Oh, so can I just say something?
How about any part of your body that's in my area is mine?
There you go.
So I can draw in it.
Yeah.
Get markers to draw.
I think whatever it's like mine.
Yes.
And then when you leave, it gets out of my territory.
It's yours again. I like it. But also, you when you leave, it gets out of my territory. It's yours again.
I like it.
But also, you're a lovely lady.
If this is your road.
What is she saying, hot?
Well, I'm trying to keep it professional.
Yeah, yeah.
But if you lean on a person, it's different than if me
in this little egg roll.
Yeah, you think so?
Yeah, we don't.
Hey, do you hang out with other egg rolls or no?
Yeah, look at your photos, you're on the rolls in your life. Where are your other egg roll friends? Well, the problem't. Hey, do you hang out with other egg rolls or no? Yeah, look at your photos, you're on an egg roll.
You're on an egg roll, you're on an egg roll friend.
Well the problem, you egg rolls, you're always working.
All right, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So I can't find you're feeling blackjack
or sitting on a box, peeling,
but you know.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, the egg rolls in New York,
they sit on boxes and they peel things.
Oh my God, you guys can squat.
Like nobody's gonna.
Oh, so okay, yeah, I know you're Korean,
but I went to China, and man, they just squat,
that's like comfortable.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And they squat and smoke.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, we love that position.
I would just shit.
It was, is Ronnie Chang an egg roll that you would have.
I love Ronnie Chang.
I love Chang Wang.
Oh, the names of sound races.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There's another New York guy, I don't know his name,
but he's always on my feet, good looking,
kind of an Asian dude.
And looking Asian.
Seller, I've never heard of such a thing.
Well, Ali Wong's very attractive.
Yeah, if you work with your girl, would you penetrate her?
I would, sure.
I love to.
Really?
Well, can we raise your hand isn't penetration so nice
Yeah, it's so good strap on yeah strap on it. Yeah, you've strapped yeah, yeah, he's never let me strap
Will you let your girl straps and then fuck you in the ass? No, but you got strap vibes
That's what's insulting bullshit. I've ever fucking heard from you
I'm just saying. Oh, that was so insulting. Well, you're open-minded. You've tried everything you're doing
Yeah, yeah, yeah, baby. Let's just introduce them get the fuck get through this fucking nightmare
What a nightmare I think it's all right. Don't worry about him. He's a Jew, right? Oh
Look at him. He should see his cut dick
He's a Jew right? Oh, look at him. He should see his cut dick.
Is your dick cut?
What's that?
Is your dick cut?
Yeah, yeah.
Okay. Mine is too, and I'm not Jewish.
Oh really?
Yeah, mine's not.
I like to believe it all.
I have a new...
Elephantitis, yeah.
No, no, no, no, no, my new thing is uncut dick.
Oh, what's your new thing now?
What's the biggest difference for you?
No, I wouldn't circumcised my son if I had one.
Whoa!
I have uncut, I love uncut Vag.
Yeah.
Where the wall's still there?
What's that wall? Were you penetrating?
Laby and Majora?
Oh!
The thing the football players run through.
Yeah.
The hype, yeah.
The hype, yeah.
That's his last name.
A real?
No. Dude, what about you, Napoleon Dynamite? Yeah, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the hype, the Music Music Music
Music
Music
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Music Hey, do you know?
4-3 I'm your host and your MC and your guy.
We didn't get any of that?
No, that's all Aaron.
Oh, okay, I love that.
There's some good stuff in there.
Yeah, we air that and then we go to...
Oh, okay.
You know what it is?
We're like an A24 movie.
Oh.
Right, you know, sometimes the fucking, you know what I mean?
It's out of order.
The title is sometimes mid movie.
Right, right, so that's a word like, man. I love that. We're like, Mayor Mattole's school, too. You know sometimes the fucking you know me. It's out of order title isn't sometimes mid movie right right
So that's a word like man. I love that we're like mayor Matt old school to hell. Yeah anyway fool my wife's process eight twenty four
Hey
Hey, I like you actually as huge and I have no matter. Oh, yeah, I keep running a
Little room. Yeah, she hot though. He's a good looking lady. Yeah. Oh,? I keep running a little room.
Shihato?
He's a good looking lady.
Yeah?
Oh yeah.
It was a marriage already happened?
Yeah.
It's been about six months.
I give it a year.
Yeah, yeah.
What, what?
Oh, the whole gang.
We could have used you.
Never was never invited.
Well, you're not gonna fly.
It was in New Orleans.
What a flown.
You were gone?
My money.
Honestly, dude. You never thought about inviting me, huh my name huh well, he's I'm not close enough
You're above it. No, I'm not above it. Just be real. I'm not close enough yet. Can we get there?
I want to get there. All right, let me ask you something. Okay, am I somebody that could get there? I'd 100%
Interesting. Yeah, I think I could get there with Sam too?
Yeah, he's a little personality.
Yeah.
I feel closer to him right now.
What?
Yeah.
Come on, man.
We go way back.
Going back.
All right.
Anyway, welcome to Tiger Belly.
I'm your host, Bob.
We got that guy, Kaleila Gilbert.
We got this guy right here.
And then, so, man. Hi, man. And then we got that guy, Kaleila Gilbert. We got this guy right here. And then, uh,
so, man, I'm in.
And then we got some guy, you know,
he has a podcast with Sam Morrell.
Forget what was, I forgot what it was called.
We might be drunk.
We might be drunk.
Yeah.
They're whiskey.
Yes.
Bo Jager came.
He has a new Netflix special out.
What's it called?
Soup to nuts.
Soup to nuts.
Somebody did their homework, huh?
Oh, I thought it.
It was. Yeah. And I know it? Oh, I thought it. It was.
Yeah.
And I know it's there, because I see it.
All right.
So that's good enough.
But anyway, and I'm promoting it now.
It's gonna be back.
Anyway, I'm gonna say your name, yeah, fuck me.
Oh, sorry.
And it's a guy that, I don't know,
I, we have a lot in common.
Really?
Really?
No, I drink and don't have strap on vibes.
Okay.
Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Yeah, I know and don't have strap on vibes
Yeah, I know but I if I did drink I would drink with you and drink at your level I would love that yeah, I was just too much for people like you
No, I his level you drink plumados. Oh, oh fuck it. What?
Fuck it. What do you do? Of course housewife?
You had a slot machine anyway Mark Norman What the fuck it? What do you think? The first housewife? Yeah. Are you out of slotmask?
Anyway, Mark Normman.
Yay!
Carcadilly.
I'll tell you another thing we have a common skateboarding.
Yes.
We both like it.
You got it right.
So rusherai.
I'm not gonna say any.
You know him?
I'm not gonna say any.
You know So rusherai?
Yeah, yeah.
He's so great.
He's great.
And then you two horror go me.
Killing him.
Killing.
Killing. What? You two. Don't know how to skate though. Oh, no. Do you skate so I could kick it around I can kick it around too
Okay, what level did you see me with Tony?
Hawk yeah, whoa. Yes, I did I do it. I do it. I'll lead in front of them
Yeah, my age and I also did a vertvert all Oh, there we go. Who's the special needs guy?
Oh, that's you.
Yeah, here it is.
Wait a minute.
Oh, this is, just put that.
Look at Tony though.
Look at Tony though.
The master.
You would hear the audio in my god. Oh my god.
That's great. Okay here we go here go.
That's a mayor. This is good. Oh my god. This is like a make-o-wit.
I love it. Look, boom.
So cute.
There we go.
That's great.
That's good.
You try that.
You know what happened?
Your chicken legs were fucking breaking half.
I would laugh right in your face.
A little chicken legs were fucking breaking.
We were laughing right in your face.
Alright, I'm gonna fuck.
Anyway, we have that in common. That's true really good. Yeah, that's pretty good. And we have that in common.
That's true.
Here's the thing, we love the sport.
Yeah, I still watch it.
I watch it too.
I like Naja, the women are killing it.
Yeah.
Rice, that Reese, what's her name?
The little Brazilian girl?
And she's hot.
She's 12.
No.
I don't see age.
Yeah.
But, when there's a hot Italian one, I can't think her name.
Yeah, does she's hot?
Yeah. Oh, yeah, she's hot.
She always wears like a...
Oh, what a lot.
She's top thing.
It's a whole thing.
Come boonie, come boonie.
Yeah, exactly.
Is that a word, even?
Anyway, so we have skateboarding in common.
That's true.
What about style?
Mm.
I like a cool t-shirt.
Like a t-shirt, but you have more centino style.
What is that, a little honky?
No, it's just more metro.
Oh, really?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'll take metro.
Not metro, that's the wrong one.
And metro is gay.
Yeah, that's gay.
No, just more straight, straight forward.
Straight forward.
Yeah, yeah, straight.
Like the jeans.
Yeah, the jeans?
Yeah.
Can you stand, let me look at them?
All right, they're old.
I don't know. I know the kids are going baggy now. No, no, no. It's not about the kids. It jeans. Yeah. Can you stand let me look at them? All right they're old. I don't know I know the kids are going baggy now. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, There we go. Oh wow. Mark thoughts. Mark thoughts.
Pubes. Wow. Oh no pubes. Your pubes look like like Don Draper's shave.
You know, just a five o'clocker. Hey, you know, shave your pubes? No. Oh yeah,
it's just grizzly down there. All natural. It goes up on the thigh. It's coming down the shaft.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. and you like it that way.
Full bush.
Yeah, yeah, how about your girl?
Does she have it?
No, she's got a vagina, like a 12 year old scape.
Hahaha.
Amazing.
Yeah.
She waxed her butt.
Uh, she goes to the Russian lady and they laser it.
They laser it up.
Yeah, yeah.
You made her through, not dating apps,
she came to one of herself. came to one of her shows.
Came to one of my shows, she was on a date and I went on.
I had a good set and she hated the guy.
At the seller?
At the stand.
At the stand.
And years ago and then she got the DM and she quoted one
of my bits.
Oh, she did.
Wow, a woman listened to me.
Wow.
This is crazy.
So I said, let's get a drink and the rest is.
Yes, the rest.
No, no, the rest is a mystery, yeah.
Is that feeling still there, the love?
Big love, you know, I think the road helps.
You know, everybody's like, oh, the road must be so hard,
but it's a relationship saver because you miss her again.
Raaah, I get it, yeah, yeah.
It's the home shit that kills you,
you're just seeing each other's stupid faces
and hearing your dumb expressions and your no pubes
and your weird pants.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Helmet.
Yeah, so it's good to get away.
Yeah, and how is that Berk Tour of it?
How many did you do?
I did a lot of cities.
I probably did, he did four weeks.
I did three of them.
Wow.
It takes years off your life.
You're sleeping on a bus.
It looks so fun.
It's so fun.
It's great.
You got to drink. It's the only way to stay in it. But I was on a bus with Joey Diaz,
Shangulous, Big J, and Bert Kreischer.
It was like a sleep apnea convention.
And Joey Diaz sleeps like this.
Talks like a bath walk.
I know Joey.
I know Joey.
It's brutal, but it's fun.
And how many seats usually?
How many people?
Oh, it's a Reena's.
So it'll be an amphitheater with 10,000 or an arena with you know 19,000
In a comedy boom folks. Yeah, you do you feel that I feel it. Yeah, now I worry it'll go away
I know that's my fear, but you you've been through so many booms
Want two booms well your family was in Oppenheim
That's Japanese wrongoms. Well, your family was in Oppenheim. No, that's Japanese. Wrong Asian.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, I've been through the Dark Ages, yeah.
But that's when I'm telling you've never been through a Dark Age.
Not really, no.
Yeah, they're depressing.
Yeah, yeah.
When Eddie Griffin comes in and does two hours.
Yeah, but it's gonna be also you and I will do maybe clubs again.
Whoa, it's gonna go down eventually.
Am I?
Of quit hasty?
Yeah, yeah, I might be like at the Sacramento punchline.
Yeah.
That's enormous and then Morrill, I mean, next,
it'll be depressing.
Yeah, but you know, you gotta enjoy the run while it is.
It's better to have loved a lot.
You gotta live in the moment.
Yeah.
You gotta live in the moment, right?
Exactly.
But I know the dark, the darker yours,
but I think it's still on the rise.
Really?
Yeah, great.
We're not out of slump yet.
Okay.
I'll call you when we're on a slump.
Please do.
Yeah, yeah.
When we're on a slump.
Well, I don't know.
I think the next slump I'm out.
Really?
Really?
Yeah, hopefully.
I don't think I can hang on for the 10, 15 years
for the next rise.
Right, right, because it's hard to get out of that nose dive.
Yeah, it's a lot more work.
I went through a lot.
Wait, what was the most recent slump?
What do you mean?
Comedy slump.
When I started was a slump.
Right, I remember when I first met you, it was pretty grim.
No, yeah, well other people were doing good.
We were in like a national slump. I was just having a slump. Oh, personal slump. No, the comic of other people were doing good. That was, we were in like a national slump.
I was just having a slump.
Oh, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal,
personal, personal, personal, personal, personal,
personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal,
personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal,
personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal,
personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal,
personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal,
personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal,
personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal,
personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal,
personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal,
personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal,
personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal,
personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal,
personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal,
personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal,
personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal,
personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal,, personal, personal, personal, personal, personal, the 80s was the heyday, the sign fell,
what's the deal with?
They put a microphone anywhere.
Yeah, yeah.
He would show up.
Then it died in the early 90s.
Yes.
And then I started in 95.
And then it, so I guess I started in this lump,
you know what I mean?
And then I had my own personal slumps.
But I was still see other people do well.
Like, you know, Dane did well.
You see certain guys do well. But that you know, Dane did well. Yeah. You see certain guys do well, but.
That's what like, Dane's kind of saved it.
That's why I don't give shit to these popular hot guys.
Cause they're bringing more people in.
I love it.
I love it.
You don't.
I love it too.
Yeah, I mean, I've also never been one of those guys.
I was like, why is that guy?
You know?
No, no.
Have you?
No, I don't know.
I like anybody who likes to do stand-ups should do it.
They're not all great.
But, you know, you gotta be able to do it if you want.
Are you helpful with young people coming in?
Yeah, I try to let them do the, like, make them open.
All that stuff.
Oh yeah, yeah.
Yeah, it's fun.
But what do you mean?
I'm thinking about doing it.
Oh, you curse that or not.
Get the hell out.
What do you mean?
What do you mean? I'm thinking about doing it.
If you wanna do it, you do it.
You know, no one's like,
I'm thinking about getting some pussy.
No!
You just go get pussy.
Yeah, you want it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We have to try.
Yeah.
Try to get the pussy.
Try to get the pussy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's the same with,
hey, can I get a cup of coffee and pick your brain?
What are you gonna pick?
Oh, I've gotten that too.
That's the worst. Also, it's pick? Oh, I've gotten that too. That's the worst.
Let's get, also it's like bitch, I'm busy.
Yes.
I don't have coffee with Santino.
Why would I have coffee with you, bitch?
Exactly, exactly.
Why are you smiling?
I'm agreeing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
People go, yeah, can I have a little bit of your time?
The worst is that, though.
I don't know if you get this.
After a show, I'll see a guy with something in his hand,
and I can always know, guess what it is.
This is the guy, just look, right?
I already know.
Not a headshot, a gift.
A script.
Oh, that's an LA thing.
We don't have that in New York.
No, you don't have that?
We got like a percussence.
But, no one is writing scripts over there.
Right, right, right.
But I've gotten that like in the Midwest.
Oh, really?
I wrote me, you and Andrew movie.
I mean Andrew was like, okay, we'll read it.
Trash can't.
That's not a reading.
What route should he have taken?
What?
What route should he have taken?
How does he shoot a shot with you?
A guy with a script.
It's a good question.
Oh, that's interesting.
He really just is like being bold.
What, here's what you do.
You pull a Lauren Spender.
What's that?
Pulp Fiction.
Reservation Dogs.
Reservoir.
We did a double omelet.
I'm on a show called Reservation.
Wait, I'll plug it.
It's a nice slide, isn't it?
It's like Kiki.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's Tiki Manamanu, whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got my TT. There you go. It's Tiki Manamanu, whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
There you go.
Tiki Manamanu.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
MNeshama, la, la, la, la, mom.
Oh, so this is what happened.
So Tarantino was sleeping on Lauren Spender's couch.
Mm-hmm.
Right.
And he wrote, I guess this is probably a myth,
but he wrote it on a napkin or just a bunch of napkins
and random pieces of paper.
But Lawrence was going through acting class back then.
Now Lawrence is a producer.
And so he gave it to his acting teacher,
but then his acting teacher read it and liked it
and sent it to New York.
Now, I guess they have the same acting studio in New York.
It's maybe the actor's studio, I think it's something like that.
And Harvey Kitell happened to be there
with the other acting in New York
and the guy read it and then gave it to Harvey Kitell.
Oh, wow.
I tell Reddit and go, this is unbelievable.
And then called Lawrence.
And then Tarantina wasn't even supposed to direct it.
Wow.
But by the end, I guess he just campaigned, campaigned.
Because I know every shot this and that,
and they gave it to him.
But my point is, is that Tarantina was just sleeping
on his, a Lawrence Spencer's couch.
But, I love it.
You already have that connection then.
If you're just a guy from the Midwest with a script and dreams,
like you're not sleeping on anyone's, you know what I mean?
Like you just, you have no connection to LA
or to an acting school or to any other.
It was that Lauren Spender was a producer then.
He was just a guy.
Yeah.
Then went to acting class.
He was poor.
And Tarantino worked at a video store.
Yeah.
So it's like, you know, but it had to be great.
Yeah. Yeah. So, um, that's interesting. But you know, but it had to be great. Yeah.
Yeah.
So, um, that's interesting, but you can't give it anything
to a comedian, because we don't want to do anything.
So we don't-
No, that's wrong.
Relaisy.
Never got it.
It could be, you know, a Titanic or some blockbuster.
We wouldn't- we wouldn't throw it in the script.
Oh, even if you did read it, would you think it was good?
Do you know if it's good or not?
Probably not.
Yeah, that's me too.
Yeah, and I wouldn't care about that.
People send me scripts, even my agents.
That's straight to me. I give it to her
Oh, yeah, because when I read it, they all seem sound good. Yeah, I can't read oh my reptilian alien for forces
Deep deep. Great. The only move I one guy gave me this script and I actually ended up making it it was this two girls one cup
That was actually very- Very good.
Yeah.
A lot of improv it seems like.
Oh yeah.
So, those girls were crowning.
Yeah, yeah.
Imagine directing that and you go, this one's, you don't take on this one.
Yeah.
Who's written making your own-
Yeah, making your own.
This take-
Right, right.
Maybe that's how the poo happened.
Maybe.
Maybe poo wasn't in the square.
Making your own-
And the director goes, make it your own and they're like, I have to take a shit.
I might as well just try.
Yeah.
It might even have war moved.
It's better to own.
Right, that's interesting.
Yeah.
I mean, I don't know.
How do you make porn?
If I called you and I, hey, dude.
Yeah.
I met this Wang Wang.
He's a Chinese billionaire.
Wait, let's suppose you're going through a comedy is comedy slump ears
Okay, come something happening. He work. I get a call from Wang long. All right
Well, it's some Chinese billionaire. Oh, I thought there was a phone ring
Long number
Yeah, yeah, so then I go oh yo, dude
He's you know, he's up to like you know getting comics to direct his porn movies
Uh-huh, right and I said, you know, we I have a script
But you you want to direct this would you do it? I would do it big lemon. That's the question though
Can you make it good? Like what do you do to make it better? I think we can do it
You get some comics heads together. I think we could find a way to make it funny and interesting and sexy.
Really?
We can do it.
Whoa, give them lines.
Yeah.
When people laugh, they're not horny.
I don't think one, I don't think you can laugh
and be horny at the same time.
I'm interesting.
That's interesting.
When you try to be cute and funny and bad,
I'm like, ugh.
Yeah, you can.
What do you mean?
It doesn't work, it gets a pussy dry.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, it almost turns off the sexual part of my head.
See, that's what's interesting about women,
because if a guy's funny at a party,
yes, sexy.
Yes, very sexy.
But in the bedroom, you cannot try to be funny.
Interesting.
Well, I've dated comedians that have literally
put wigs on and did a whole fucking show in my fucking room.
I hate that.
Oh, really?
Exactly.
I hate it. I. Oh really? Exactly.
I hate it.
I kind of like when they do blackface.
That's it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, the commitment.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, the commitment.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Exactly.
If they did that like a rendition of the color purple,
that'd be fun.
Oh, that's what my call my dick.
It's real purple.
So the purple is a purple?
Yeah, I got a real multicolor down there. Oh, yeah, me two, three. I got real purple. It's a purple. Yeah, I got a real multi-color down there. Yeah, me
yeah. Me two three. I got three colors. Yeah, it looks like that ice cream. What is it? Napoleon?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have three colors. Do you have a big ring? Big ring. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Big old ring. Mine has like a little Elvin. Yeah, like, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
It's Elvin like a little, yeah, yeah. Exactly. He put on a fire. It gets cold.
like a little, yeah, yeah, exactly. He put on a fire, it gets cold.
With a wrist.
Lord of the Rings reference.
Yeah.
What?
I call Bobby's dick my precious.
You know, in Lord of the Rings, he threw
the ring.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
What happened?
No, better remember.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
So I'm asking you.
So that's why.
I know it was Lord of the Rings reference.
I just haven't watched it.
Six-step thousand times.
I had the ring of power.
Yeah. And I threw in the fire, what would happen?
I don't know, it melts.
No, it doesn't.
What happens, Gilbert?
I don't know.
What happens, Mark?
A big explosion.
What happens, George?
I forget.
I'll tell you what happens.
What about?
I don't like these.
It be those.
Yeah, what happened?
Okay.
So you're the only person that... You're the only person that's- And we've all watched it.
Number one, it's cool so that it doesn't change temperature.
Remember how much fire, unless you put it in the mortar.
Oh, that's right, that's right.
It'll melt then, right?
And number two, what?
I thought you were asking when you put it in the mortar fire and you said it didn't melt.
Yeah, you asked it wrong. Yeah, I never said mortar fire. Yeah, you just said fire. They put it. I know I know
What oh yeah, yeah, then it like lights up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, get the fuck out of here, man
You're tone right now is out of control and it's very aggressive
Right you're right. You're right. Good up pop quizzes. This is like
And then there's an L then kind of
Riding that happens around you.
Yes, it's like, I don't remember.
I don't know why, anyway, that's where I take.
Anyway, let's move on.
All right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So I met a girl somewhere in the country.
Yeah, somewhere in the country, yeah.
You put that down?
Just don't put the, yeah.
Right, right.
And I was erect.
Yeah, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, right. But it was erect. Yeah. I erect. I was I racked. Right.
But it was daylight.
Oh.
Problem.
Yeah.
Right, because I have the three colored.
Oh, right.
Right.
So I had to go, yeah, it's tricolored.
Yeah.
I know, but I just thought that she would.
But I had that brown ring.
I got, and I try to make a like a Laura Lurings.
She's like, I don't, never saw the movie, whatever.
But it's like this dark ring and I showed her.
And she didn't seem to care, but it's like,
I don't know why I just had to do it.
Oh no, I feel the same way about broad daylight,
like first time sex, I don't, I,
I'm pretty try colored there too.
Really?
Yeah, I feel, you know, it's one color.
My color's color.
Yeah, it's shit.
Oh, Jesus. that's what color. My color's color. Yeah, it's shit. Oh, she said, it's so aggressive.
Oh, it's a beautiful color.
It's a beautiful dark purple.
It's not a dark purple, it's just what,
it's a different shade.
It's a different shade.
Yeah.
Is it like a mood ring?
Does it change color without you feeling?
Yeah, it's similar to a nipple, I think,
depending on how much blood flow is there.
All right, all right.
Yeah, but I've never looked at a woman's vagina
and go, I don't like that color.
I have.
You have.
Oh, black.
That's good.
Oh, my, I'm gonna be in princesses.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I've never like went, oh, that's not,
you know, a favorable color.
Right.
Well, I think you'd rather pink than a dirty brown.
Really?
Let that sink in, guys.
Let that sink in.
No, no, no, just somewhere in terror down there.
But that has not been with color,
so let that sink in.
All right, I've seen some leather.
All right.
Oh, I see.
Rosebeef tips.
There you go.
Yeah, I don't like it when it's burnt and like roast beef tips. Yes
Yeah, that's what that's what he tried to say exactly
Anatomy that has nothing to do with wear and tear. Oh really? Yeah, yeah, we don't know we're not scientists right?
Mark. Oh, I've never seen a baby with the wear and
I used to babysit I
Can show you the photos of all
Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Okay, okay, okay. Okay, okay. He's joking, he's joking.
He loves like people.
Gavineen.
Yeah, so anyway, I did show her and explain, you know,
through years of, you know, me and who were in terror.
And that's why it's tricolored.
Oh, you told her you had wear in terror.
That's, Dick should not have terror.
Where are you tearing?
It's got where though.
It's got where. It's got where it's like japan
You know the big spans that you go where?
Oh, you think it's small wow, I've seen it
So when you saw you go that's a small one yeah
How dare you wow? I don't know we all do that no no, no, no. Well, tell them about, tell them about. Is it a grower?
It is a grower.
Oh, really?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I was pretty worried when I saw it soft the first time I saw it, but then he grew
like pretty to average.
Oh, all right, great.
Yeah, that's great.
But what did she think?
She liked it.
Okay, perfect.
That's all you need.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, she could be a good liar too.
I don't know.
True.
She went, it's good
Yeah, that was like a yeah, yeah, I love when it's always guys are like I got no complaints never got any complaints I'm like what woman's gonna be like I want to make a complaint
That's not gonna happen. They're gonna be nice. Yeah, talk to their friends. They know that they know right right
They're very I know how that works. So your friends, huh?
Yeah.
Of course.
So all your friends know what my dick looks like?
Like every single inch of it, yeah.
Your mom?
Yeah, topography, every.
Your mom.
Yeah.
Hold your mom.
No, no, no, wait a second.
My mom knows because she would find pictures of you with...
Okay, okay.
Make a picture with girls, like, in the house.
Mom.
Because my mom would clean, well, still cleans his house.
Oh, she's Filipino.
Yeah.
She's a good blood.
And he would, she would always just unearth
these old pictures of Bobby with his previous,
you know, girlies of the night.
Do you live, leave the photos out?
No, they're in drawers and stuff.
Yeah, they're in cabinets and drawers.
Sure, it comes out.
She's like, darling, where do you want me to put this?
Oh, yeah.
I was like, I'll just put it in a box, mom.
You've seen them?
I've seen them.
Can I see them?
Yeah, all right.
Not now.
Right.
I'm excited.
Yeah, but because back in the day when there were no cell phones, yeah.
I used to think those disposable cameras.
Yeah, you're new.
Oh, you know what I mean?
We're just fun, because some guy at Walgreens had their...
I know, I know, I know.
Who is this woman with this little boy? Yeah. You're right, because he always looked like he was being punished Which is fun because some guy Walgreens are there
You're right cuz he always look like he was being punished in his photo, right?
What You never look like you were in control. It looked like the girls
We're in control
Yeah, it looked like a like a hostage situation. Yeah, you were the hostage. Yeah, you know what I also would have been
Let's go back to this next girl that I just saw.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
How do you feel about it right now?
I'm happy for you.
She seems real great.
All right, so I also let her initiate all the,
yeah, do you do that or no?
Well, I'm married.
I know, but even marriage,
do you initiate or no?
I hate it, hate it.
I always initiate.
Oh, thank you.
I must argue in trouble.
Exactly. If you don't initiate you get in trouble
It's just our problem for 10 years. She never initiates. She goes I want to initiate you don't ever initiate
Yeah, that's cute at first for maybe the first three months and you're like, why the f**k does he find me attractive?
Why the f**k is any touching? No, I like initiate. What? Yeah initiate. No, you need to initiate Bobby. No, I don't
I think she's maybe trying to play cool girl a little bit
by doing that, just being like, I wanna be the, you know,
like the person in the bedroom that dominates
but gets old real quick.
I wanted to play cool girl.
Yeah, because, let me, can you say this though?
If I initiate and there's a no,
it'll shatter my soul for a thousand years.
I know.
She's already there on vacation with you.
I know.
She's gonna say no.
Like, has your wife said no before?
Yeah, you know, you've got an headache, but if you say no to them, though, I feel like a woman in a war
crush. That's a game. Yeah, that's a game. Yeah, that's a game. Listen to these boys.
Please, for the love of God, I promise you, you need to initiate. I should listen to Mark
Norma. Yes. Yeah. About sexuality. Yeah. I don't know. I don't think so. I can show you pictures.
Sexuality. Yeah.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I don't think so.
I can show you pictures.
I don't know.
But in terms of the New York guys,
I don't want to break your heart.
Yeah.
I'm about to though.
I can take it.
You can?
Hit me.
So I did a New York boys.
I think I would go to,
I'll just give you a list of people I would go through.
Before me.
Way before you,
in terms of sexual advice.
I'm not a sexy guy.
Number one, God-free.
Oh, advice.
Yeah, or what to do.
Oh, yeah. God-free number one.
God-free number one.
Probably who's the one that was in the car accident
with a charity food quag.
Arne for Qua, probably second.
Yeah.
I would go with the blacks first.
I feel like they know.
I agree.
Is that racist?
No, that's a compliment.
That's a compliment.
Yeah, they're good with the last person Ronnie Chang
There's just no way I feel like I'd get no good advice. No, he's a virgin. Yeah
Yaks I want yeah, and you know what don't either that out put that out there. Oh
Yaks stiff Ronnie
You act like you have a dog
All right, so that's in your face, what you gonna do, Doc?
Holy shit, this is like Tokyo drift.
All right, Ronnie.
Wow.
So my point is I would go to them,
and the whites I would go do is shults.
Mm, no.
Shults is a sexy guy, he's got a cool haircut.
Yeah, he dresses well, he's confident,
but he's trying to have a kid,
and I think they're having trouble.
He's got a whole bit about it.
Good so we can say it.
Good.
I was like, no, I thought you were like wild.
I was like, oh man, I was going wild right up here.
It's a great bit.
He's jizzin' in a cup and all that.
Oh, I saw that bit.
It's out in the Phoenix area, it's a good bit.
It's a little bit, I'll true.
It's all true.
Yeah, yeah. Distaphanel, probably not. good, I'll true. It's all true. Yeah, yeah.
Just a final, probably not.
I think you're ahead of just a final.
What?
No, he's a smart, the Italian stallion.
No, he seems gay.
Oh, wow.
But even better, better sex advice.
Yeah, but that's out there too.
Don't end up, just a minute.
You seem gay to me, dog.
What's up?
What you gonna do?
You're mean.
Yannis is another, the guy, no.
Greek.
Yeah, I would take advice.
Why is it beautiful? Beautiful. Beautiful. Yeah, I would take advice. Beautiful.
Beautiful.
What do I do in this sexual situation?
I think Yannis would have really great advice.
Yeah, he'd know what else picks up, and they'll call him.
All right.
He's a mouth spitter.
Yeah, but probably you before Sam.
We, everyone's a mouth spitter.
What's a mouth spitter?
What's a mouth spitter, man?
I don't know mouth spitter.
Really? I swallow.
What I did.
What do you mean?
Nothing. Stop, stop.
Real wine. All right. What did it be? What did it be? Stop, stop, rewind.
All right.
What the fuck?
What the fuck does mouth spit or mean?
You want to tell them?
You just whopped into your partner's mouth.
Whoa, you don't hawk.
You don't hawk.
You hawk, gloogie?
Some people hawk.
You like yellow loogie.
Check from the lungs.
Check, taxi porn.
The first time we made out, what did I ask you to do?
You said a punch made or something.
No.
That's what you wanted.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, I said open your mouth, the remember.
Yeah, and you spit in my mouth.
Yeah.
Yeah, I didn't like it though.
I liked it.
That was the first and last.
Whoa.
No, that's not true.
No, when someone comes out, you, I did it a bunch of times.
Yeah.
Because I thought that was one of your Filipino kinks. All Filipino's just spitting in mouth.
Great scab in the Filipino's kink.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That was a Filipino kink, but you're the only one
that's ever happened to us.
Whoa.
Yeah, yeah.
Has anybody spitting your mouth?
Yeah, I don't like it either.
I like it done to me.
Oh, great.
I don't necessarily like to do it to other people
as much as I like being spat on. Have you spit on anybody? Nah. I like it done to me. Oh, okay. I don't necessarily like to do it other people as much as I like being spat on
Have you spit on anybody? Nah, I spit on the vagina. I've been I've done that. Yeah, yeah
Yeah, we have a comment. I was just saying porting right and fucking spitting in the vagina
I was just talking to it though, and I was spitting when I was talking. Oh, you you gleeced on it. Yeah
I have a good you likeced on it. Yeah, gleeced. I gleeced. I have a weird gleeced on it.
You like gleeced on pussy.
Yeah, I spit on that, but other than that.
I spit on that.
I have spit on that.
Other than that, that's no other spit.
Yeah, I have spit on the titty.
I've never spit on the titty.
No, I'm a spacked one.
Oh, that's how light you did it.
That's a little light smack.
I don't know.
Okay, like how penguins fly.
Yeah, penguins fly.
Yeah, penguins that you went.
Puh, puh, puh, puh, like that. Yeah, I don't want to ruin the milk. Right, penguins fly. Yeah, a peg was a year wet. Puh, puh, puh, like that.
I don't want to ruin the milk.
Right, right.
I suck though.
I'm a good sucker.
Yeah.
I like grabbing it, sucking.
Yeah, that's fine.
Is that fun?
Fun, and you know, you get the twirl.
What's a twirl mean?
The tongue twirl around the doorbell.
I've never done that.
What?
I know.
You just suck.
No, I've done twirl.
He's done a tongue twirl.
Look at that stash, too.
You've gone around this world with it.
You go around the world and you nib.
And then you do the old window wiper.
Oh, the window wiper.
Old timing.
Very old timing.
Here's the kind of brush I don't like though.
When there's no border, I've talked about that before.
Oh, like when the color of the brass is saved.
When the nipple blends into the brass,
I want a border.
I want Mexico United States.
I want to know who can enter.
I want to, you know, me.
Where's your fucking paperwork?
Yeah.
I want that kind of border.
I really think I really need it.
He's gonna call ice.
Right, so because when I'm in the nipple,
it's different than the brass part.
Of course.
My work.
Yes.
I mean, because when it blends,
you don't know where to begin and where to start. You know what I mean? It's different than the breast part. Of course. My work. Yes. Because when it blends, you don't know where to start.
It's like this.
It's like, let's say I was hired to clean your house.
Do you have a house?
Do you have a house?
Yes.
But let's suppose you had a shed in the back.
Right?
An ADU or just a shed?
I don't know.
What do you mean?
Where do they put the lawnmower?
Okay, just a shed.
Like a shed. Body parts and lawnmower? Oh, okay, just a shed. Shit, like a shed.
Body parts and lawnmower.
Okay, yeah, great.
And so you tell me to clean your house.
Yeah, as I'm cleaning it, I'll look at the shed
and go, do I clean that too?
That's to say with the brush.
Ooh, right, I wanna clean, I don't wanna lick the whole thing.
Right.
It's a lot of work.
Yeah, especially with a double D.
Hello.
A lot of licking.
Hello, my friend.
Yes.
Yeah.
Hello, but you like borders or no?
Love a border.
We gotta keep these people out.
No.
No, you gotta have a boy.
You want the difference.
You wanna know what you're licking there.
Yeah, yeah, you wanna know what you're licking.
Wait, we're yet on a bumpy areaola.
Then now we're going into fucking real shit, right?
Ranging on.
I'm not a topographer.
Oh, okay. You don't want to read that, Braille?
Yeah.
Come on.
It's fun.
No, because how about this?
If the bumps are as big as the actual stout,
stout, let the stout, but the nipple.
The nipple.
Stout.
What do you call it? It's a nipple. Just think. Out. It's out. What do you call it? It's a, it's a nipple.
Well, okay.
The nub.
The, look, I thought the nipple, I'm sorry, I'm not a doctor.
I thought the nipple was the whole thing.
No, the ariola is, there we go.
There we go.
So the ariola is where I want the border.
The nipple part.
If the bumps are as big as the nipple,
we have a problem.
So that means we have six nipples.
That's six nipples, that's a dog. Oh, I've done that with dogs.
Okay, okay another joke guys. I don't I'm not in the BC. I'll be ages eight some
Eat all the yeah, so my point is so yeah, would have had why feel about it. Um
Um
I never had an opinion out. I'll be honest. That's the quite honest truth. I don't mind a bumpy nip. Yeah, it's good. Yeah, it also lets you know when she's about to orgasm
You see a bunch of little what really?
It's an indicator. My mom used to get boils on her head and I used to call her a bumpy nip. Anyway, can I get a bottle of water or something nice. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Sorry, mom. Wait, when you give a girl orgasm the bumps if they have ariola bumps, you will it will indicate wow
I gotta try giving a woman an orgasm
No, no, say that again. I I because if they do have the braille type of ariola. Yeah
And when they get close to orgasming you'll start feeling them all get tight. You're really that's not true, dude
Hey, did you read that it was that through experience? Experience through matam When they get close to orgasming, you'll start feeling them all get tight. They're really. That's not true, dude.
Hey.
Did you read that?
It was that through experience.
Experience through matang.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
I get it.
I guess that would make sense because the nipples get really hard.
Yes.
So it's more indication, yeah.
Yeah, nipples gets hard and dark like when it's a super turn on.
OK.
But why do guys have nipples, you know?
Because we start out as women.
And then we turn into men in the womb. I
Thought it was all girls and
Almost believe
Telling you we all have a cuz women are what xy or xx
I think we start off as girls. I thought yeah, we all do and then met the testosterone kicks in and we go
girls I thought. Yeah, we all do.
And then the testosterone kicks in and we go,
male.
Different level.
Well, I didn't have never even heard of it.
That's where we have the nips, yeah.
Wow.
That is true.
Yeah.
It is true.
That's what we have, dude.
Thank you for that.
Hey, well, you're educated.
That's why you got a clip.
All right.
All right.
Why did you do that?
What is this?
Why did you do that just now?
Wow.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like, I had to break the tent.
It's interesting.
And I think when I talked about two last time,
you have some intentions of acting or no.
No, I can't act.
I love when a comic say that, how do you know?
I've failed, I've never gotten one audition.
I've gone on nine million auditions,
I've never gotten a thing.
Can't do it. I stink, they let me why do you do it then? I
You know you do it for the agent and you go maybe I'll get this one. It's like a lot of ticket
So if you do get what would you get nervous?
Not really. I just don't give a shit and I never have gotten one so I've tried everything
What do you mean everything like acting coach? I've gotten costumes, I walk in with a cowboy,
I go, howdy partner, woo-ee, or whatever.
And I've got an acting class, I've done that,
that didn't help.
I just can't act.
I don't think that's it.
I think what it is, can I tell you what my true opinion.
All right, hit me.
Okay, if they're not familiar with you.
Yeah.
Okay, because it's like, if they're not familiar with you, yeah.
Okay, because it's like, if I was a producer,
let's say one day I'm producing a movie,
I would already know exactly where to put you.
Uh-huh.
Right, because there is a tonality that you have,
right, and a rhythm that you have when you talk, right?
And I would put you in a specific place,
but it's like, if they're just strangers to you
and they're not familiar with your work or who you are,
I think now they're putting you against,
pitting you against all the other white dudes.
Yeah.
And they're like, well, let's see how this guy does it.
Not knowing your rhythm, the way you took
a Utah specific.
Uh-huh.
Yeah, like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah,
kind of talking.
Right, right.
Yeah, man. Oh, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, ah, like, ah, like, ah, like, like, ah, like, ah, like, ah, ah, like good actor on top of that, so they go get them out of here. Yeah, it's because I went through the same thing.
The things that I'm getting now are people
because they, they know who you are.
They know who I am and what I bring.
And also the baggage that I bring in many ways, you know what I mean?
They know the whole thing, so they're just like,
this is what we want for this specific thing,
but it's like, you know, back in the day,
when I was just auditioning for shit
and no one knew who the fuck I was,
or even after Matt TV, because,
you know, the industry didn't watch it.
So they had no idea who I was really.
Right.
And so it was like, it's hard.
And it's heartbreaking, I know.
Because you put in the work.
Yeah.
But I wouldn't give up on it was the one I'm saying.
I don't also have a lot of interest in it.
What am I gonna be in a, you know, breaking bed?
Like I would do curb, because I love Larry Davis. Yeah, that would be cool. What am I gonna be in a, you know, breaking bad?
I would do curb, because I love Larry Davis.
That would be cool, or like it's always sunny,
or the office, something like that would be fun.
Yeah, but I'm not gonna be in the next Scorsese.
How do you know, though?
Ah.
I love when people say that.
Why, why are you smiling?
No, I mean, I get it.
Like, if you're not that interested in it, if it's not a passion of yours, I think it was always for you. Yeah, you wanna act, I mean, I get it. Like if it's just not of, like, if you're not that interested and if it's not a passion
of yours, I think it's always for you.
Yeah, you want to act.
And you're good at it.
You're killing sex in the city.
My lady watches it.
The show's terrible.
But you're...
It really is bad.
The original was so good.
Yeah.
And now it's almost like, my lady is a theory that it's all AI.
Written. That's not a terrible theory. That's not a terrible theory. Yeah. You think it's almost like my lady is a theory that it's all AI written
Check it out. Yeah, you think it's AI written the writing is so bad Yeah, I think it's AI or she thinks it's AI
Well, I can I want to throw my because I've never seen the past or the future. Oh the old one was killer
Yeah, I never saw the old one right wildly offensive now if you watch it. Is it? Oh my god
There's one where she's like, I kissed a black guy.
Yeah.
It's very 90s.
Yeah, yeah.
Because it's the one show that I read the dialogue.
And I don't know what really any of it means.
Right.
Right.
So then I'm in a spot like,
I guess I'll try it this way.
Yeah.
Because in every time I do it, like a rehearsal,
I could see them going, right?
So then they tell me how to say it,
I'm supposed to be funny.
Yeah, not a line reading,
but it's just like, just be more real about it.
Yeah, you know what I mean?
And then that way I can do it,
but it's like, it's one of those projects where I go,
I can't make a choice here,
because I don't know what it even means.
Yeah, totally get there.
When I look at a script, I don't know what they want me to do.
I have to get someone to tell me what the motivation is.
I'm so bad at it.
Yeah, I don't like to get it through the script.
I'm horrible at acting in every fashion.
Yeah, yeah.
But here's what you'll find though,
because I think that you could do it.
Okay, I'm not making you do it.
All right.
But also what I'm gonna also say is that you are,
you know, to be a white guy,
to be as young as you are, right?
Yeah.
And I would say this about Sam as well,
to break through in this competitive market,
you have skills beyond the norm.
Okay.
There's something about you that's interesting.
Wow.
Okay, I really do believe that.
This is heavy.
Right, and I know you don't like real talk.
No.
It hurts.
The compliments are weird.
Yeah, but I'm gonna be real for a second bit.
Oh, good.
Go back to imitating me.
What?
Put the glasses down.
Ah.
Can I get back to her labia?
No, no, no, no, no.
I'm not...
Let's be real for some.
Alright, I heard.
Because I want to get invited to your next wedding.
I would love to have you there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But just can you just look at me right now and just...
No, don't do that.
Alright, I'm like...
It hurts when I do it.
When I'm giving you a compliment and you make a face like this,
it hurts.
Alright, alright.
It hurts me, right?
Okay. What I'm saying though is that it's a rare thing.
I'm listening.
Spit it out, will you?
I will.
Spit my mouth.
Yeah.
And it's such a competitive market.
Sure.
I look at you and Sam.
I think I look at Taylor Thomson, Sam's ex.
She's very talented.
Very talented.
There's certain white guys Trevor Wallace.
Is another one where I go you guys are
Just extra something extra is going on and there's something extra special. You sound like a white supremacist
White people I love them. There's something special about yeah, and they're just something about you that so what I'm saying
Though is is that I think that if with the right part,
you would knock it out of the park and then and you don't know this yet.
But what's cool about acting is people that watch shit like they don't necessarily watch
stand up or pot.
That's true.
That is true.
So it's like sometimes a walk around and people go, I love you on Magnum PI or I love you
on sexy city, resident radiation dogs you on Sac City Reservation Dogs,
Matt TV, whatever, whatever, whatever.
And it's like, it's just an extra tool to use
to get more fans in.
And sometimes they'll come to my shows
and go, we never got them to shows
but we love you on the show so much.
You know what I mean?
And we want to support, but we loved it,
whatever, whatever.
But my point is that you don't know,
but I get what you're saying.
Okay.
All right, and you're special. And you're the best. And I love you so but I get what you're saying. Okay. All right, and you're special
Oh, you're the best and I love you so much. I think you're a great guy
No, you're very fun. All right, let's move on. Okay, we did it. What is that about comics? I can't do it.
Well, it just feels weird.
It's a lot of people.
I can't even look at someone in the eye.
Yeah.
You notice I'm going right down the middle here between you two.
Yeah.
Because I don't want to be rude.
But as he's doing that to you, I'm getting secondhand this comforts you, so I'm looking
down and torrentless thing.
Thank God.
Okay. Wait, so when I'm giving him comments, he's deflecting comfort to you, so I'm looking down and twirling this thing. Thank God, okay, you better.
Wait, so when I'm giving him comments,
it's he's deflecting it to you?
Yeah, I feel it so that I just look down and twirl.
How did you feel when he was?
I was looking at George.
Oh, wow.
No one was looking at me.
No one was looking at me.
And you were, were you looking?
I was looking at you just accepting the compliments
as if they were to me.
All right, well, why do you look like a pedophile mayor? Oh, shit.
Oh, dude. That's hilarious, dude.
You look strange, dude.
I have the mayor of pedophilia.
I'm trying to class up this joint.
No, come on.
It doesn't look classy, though.
It looks creepy.
Especially that color scheme.
It's very like the red.
Well, Trump.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, it's rich.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm trying to class up this toy. Come on, it doesn't look classy though, it looks creepy.
Especially that color scheme, it's very like the red,
it will trump.
Whoa yeah.
Yeah, it's reached from the scheme.
It's gubernatorial.
Gubernatorial.
Gubernatorial.
This is the first time I've tried the red,
but it does look very much like you're running for office.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm going to go in the other person,
it's the same scheme running. I don't know. Go do what? Come on, anybody else running for mean, it's the same. Go any other person, it's the same scheme running.
I don't know.
Go do what?
Come on, anybody else running for office?
It's always a red tie.
Go do a loose suit red tie.
DeSantis, try DeSantis.
Gonna be the same thing.
Same thing.
DeSantis, red tie.
False, 100%.
Actually, where is no tie?
No tie.
And that's why he's gonna lose.
Ah, you bastard.
He might.
He is.
Yeah, what about that RFK?
How are you doing?
I'm impressed that I can do heroin addict.
Yeah, obviously, you know, dead shot, uncle shot.
Yeah.
Married to Cheryl Hines.
I know.
That's so cool.
That's if she's the first lady, that would be insane.
That would be insane.
What else is fun about him?
He's ripped.
Super ripped.
He's a hunky 69 year old
He wears jeans like an action star. Yeah, he's sick of the Ukraine war. I mean, he's got some ideas
I don't I don't want it because I don't like getting into politics. No, I mean either
There we go. But would you we could see like you like Yang?
Yeah, but would you say you're in the middle?
You like Yang? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But would you say you're in the middle?
Uh, well yeah, I'm a little this little that,
because I think both sides are getting too crazy.
That's what it is, yeah.
There's this capital writing, and then there's like,
if you say the wrong gender, you're going to go to jail.
Oh, whatever.
You know, it's like, what do we do in here?
Can we just get along and hang out?
Yeah, the extreme sides have brought me
definitely to the middle.
I used to be a bleeding heart.
Me too.
Liberal.
And I think I'm still a liberal guy.
You know, we like the gay mayor, we like the weed,
we like the women's right to choose.
Yeah, yeah, love abortion.
Love abortion, yeah, for a few.
How do you feel about like Mexicans coming into the river?
Have you always paid for your abortion?
Always, I'm a gentleman.
Well, that's really sweet. Oh yeah. How many have you paid for? Be country. Have you always paid for your abortion? Always, I'm a gentleman. Well, that's really sweet.
Oh yeah.
How many have you paid for?
Be ready.
Have you really?
Yeah.
Two only.
Oh.
You did not pay for either.
Oh.
Oh, reversal.
And you know the worst part is you went on the podcast
and said you did.
Oh, why you?
Double reversal.
Yeah.
Double reversal.
Wow.
Whoa, you can't catch me. Yeah. I'm a lucid, dude. Double reversal double reversal I went
Catch me
I'm a lucid dude
Fuck dude, I think therefore I am who said that day card day card day card said that in his meditations correct Yeah, you got no, no, that's the mark is a really is no in his meditations. He did the 13 meditations or whatever
Oh, 13-meditate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, yeah.
I think they're for EM.
So I think that's what makes a man.
Be aware of this that you're alive.
Yeah.
And the consciousness.
No?
I think you're right.
Yeah.
You got to have the thoughts.
Yeah.
Because right now I would never come myself
because I have just too much connection with the world
and the people around me and relationships and all that stuff. So it's like I...
Have you ever tried to kill yourself?
No, because I've always had something to live for.
Wow, not a baby.
It's a...
It's a...
You sort of have it.
I mean...
Yeah, yeah, you're right, yeah.
But there's always something...
You know, there's always like... Well, that's a trash. It's oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. That's that was a white supremacist or the ghost of our fetus
Yeah, but yeah, I've always had I've you thought about killing yourself? Nah, not my cup. I like life.
I mean, I've been sad, I get depressed,
but that's part people forget
as you're supposed to get sad every now and then.
Everybody wants to be happy all the time
and take a pill and why is it all working out?
It's like, well, you gotta have the ups and downs.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Even as like being a successful person as you are now,
you're getting depressed.
Well, what do you get depressed about?
It just hits you, you know,
and you start wallowing in it,
and then you start thinking about stuff,
and it compounds, it compounds,
and you can't get out of it.
You can't get out of it yet.
But it will pass.
You gotta remember that, it'll always pass.
Yeah.
Then the good will pass, too.
You're right.
I mean, a couple of months ago,
I was going through some stuff,
and you guys reached out, and thank you so much,
but I just didn't think that it would pass.
Yeah, it feels like it won't, it was fucking dark, dude.
It was a dark time.
I'm like, oh, I'm fucked.
It's like a bad trip.
You're like, this will never end.
Yeah.
And my sponsor would call me and go,
dude, it's gonna pass, I promise.
And everyone would say it.
And then it just does.
I mean, things change.
Yeah.
But it's like, you adapt, but it's like,
I, it's almost made me happier in a weird way.
Yeah, I know what you mean. Yeah, I survived it or
whatever. Right. Yeah. You get stronger. You're a little more
hardened. Yeah. Like Lizzo right now, I think it's probably going
through shit. Hard. Yeah.
I'm doing some mental stuff. Yeah.
Yeah. And just somebody, like when Twitter attacks you, somebody
equated it to being thrown little toothpicks, it's sticking
you. It won't kill you, but after a thousand of them,
they hurt, you know?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's so, she's probably not looking at social media.
There's no one.
She knows she's not.
Yeah, what happened?
Um.
I mean, I know, I just, you know, vaguely,
I kind of know, but I don't know what the specifics are.
It's basically like toxic work environment,
some sexual, like, you know, but I don't know what the specifics are. It's basically toxic work environment, some sexual inappropriate stuff,
but mostly with a dance captain.
Yeah.
And apparently some body shaming.
Mm.
For some of the girls.
That's, but I think everyone is just so involved.
Well, can the girls body shaming back or no? Yeah, but I think people, if you involved with that. Well, can the girl's body can shame back or no?
Yeah, but I think people, if you were to really look into it,
I'm sure like everyone, like we've all acted pretty fucked up
in our lives, like I just can't imagine this is worth
maybe a lawsuit.
No, I think those girls hate her.
She's probably a bitch.
Because you have to be to be this arena,
global household name thing.
Yeah.
So you gotta snap, you know, hey, do that.
You gotta crack the whip a little.
But but do you?
Well, let me ask you something.
I mean, like, Frances Bert,
the Bert's doing this gigantic tour.
I'm not saying.
He's a nice guy.
Yeah, but I'm not saying that he's a Lizzzo's love hole,
but.
Same body.
Oh God.
Oh God. But that's good.
No, no, no, let that sink.
All right.
Let that sink in.
Yeah.
But you're right.
So my point is, is that, but he is doing, he is doing large arenas and, and stuff, right?
Yeah.
I, you know, I've done stuff with them where it's like, there's staff and there's people that you know what I mean. There's things that go wrong,
but his nature is just a nice kind, soft guy.
He's a great guy.
Yeah, but your nature is still bound to conflict
with somebody else's nature.
Like he could be, you know, like someone could just not like his vibe
or take it the wrong way,
or he's having a bad day and he says one wrong thing you just never know.
Yeah, but I don't think that I don't know what Lizzo's saying.
I don't want to argue because I don't know much about it.
But what I'm saying is this one bad day doesn't equate to this world wind.
Yeah.
It's a pattern.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's something that goes on and on.
So I mean, I hate to argue with you, but.
Yeah, I just feel weird about like when people pile on.
Yes.
I don't want to pile on it. I don't know what my dog is.
No, like you know, like on say for instance on TikTok,
well, I met Lizzo one time.
Right.
Everyone has a story about her.
Yeah.
And you're like, yeah, that doesn't.
And it pisses me off because all we preach
is like compassion and mental health and all that.
You're like, you know what, this, this shit does to a person
that they're doing a Lizzo?
Like that is fucking with her mental health.
Yeah.
So they're all full of shit. It like that is fucking with her mental health. Yeah, so they're all full of shit
It's not just fucking it's not just fucking with her mental health
If she's a normal human being right and she has all her feelings and you know, I mean it's
The worst kind of self-human shame right. I mean, I just can't imagine the level I've been through it, my friends have been through it.
It's fucking awful.
And she's a way bigger name, she's getting way more attention.
I can't imagine.
I can't imagine either.
It's devastating.
Yeah, and it's even sadder because they'll use the sexual
inappropriate, that's all just shit that like,
oh, that'll catch.
We'll throw that out there.
Whether it happened or not,
people use those important movements
for their own personal gain,
which is really gross.
Yeah, it's gross, yeah.
It's, well, you know, let's pray for Lizzo, I guess.
Hey, there you go.
Great take.
I mean, I don't know her music is a good.
Let me teach her, it's pray for Lizzo.
Yeah, is it good?
The music?
Yeah, that's great.
I love it.
What do you like?
I'm a nerd. I like a old hip hop or classic rock or something.
Okay, like punk.
Okay, let me ask you some questions.
Yeah, and you rank one through ten if you like.
All right. The pixies.
Yeah, like the pixies.
One through ten?
Oh.
You don't even want to be one fan of the time? Wait, you want to be one fan of the other? Wait, you want to be one fan of the other't even want to be one band of the time
wait wait you want to know what the other ones are I need to hear the other 10
the other one a score of one to 10 I'm a score for one oh you like it oh I'm not
saying rank it I thought you're gonna be 10 I put it in order I you know I give
my eight or seven okay good good good a band called does that deep cut
television wow I don't know too much.
You heard of them.
I've heard of them.
One album that's great, Marquis Moon.
Marquis Moon?
Anyone listening, listen to it.
It's a fucking legendary.
All right, let's check it out.
Really?
Yeah, Marquis Moon.
Marquis Moon.
Marquis.
Marquis Moon.
Got it.
And there are CBG, talking heads.
Love them.
One through ten.
Nine.
Wow, you love them.
I love the talking heads.
I love the talking heads as well.
Yeah, this must be the place.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
How about this?
R-E-M.
Love them.
I love them.
Do you know what it talks about?
If I love them!
Right, they came and went.
They came and went, they're still around.
Tiny happy people.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But even like murmur, the earlier shit.
Yeah.
So good.
So good. But Kenneth, what's your free-go-see, Kenneth? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, last all I just all been listening to oh, yeah, it's incredible. What about
Oh, you give me one wait. I forgot the name of it. Oh shit. Oh
Let's go back to you then let's go back to you. I got okay. Sonic youth a little too little too depressing
What do you mean a little too dark? It's a little too. Just swaying fat and all
I mean, a little too dark. It's a little too just swaying, fettin' all, but.
Right, right, okay.
But they're good, it's just a little too much for me.
I'm gonna give you my favorite,
I'm gonna give you my,
one of my top five favorite albums of all time.
All right.
I wanna see if you listen to it before.
My blood and valentine, loveless.
Wow, that's a little gay.
What do you mean?
Well, it's a little too angsty for me.
It's shoe gazing.
Shoegazing.
It's shoe gazing music.
They genre.
They genre.
Oh, shoe gazing?
Yeah, it's like a, like a, like a, like a,
like a, like a, like a, like a, like, wall of sound.
Oh, I don't think you've listened to the album, dude.
No, I don't think I have.
I thought they were kind of like a,
No, no, no.
I'm warning jacket or something.
No, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
It's more like, you know, synthesize a wall of sound. And if you really listen, you're right, to the levels of it, you hear the melody, Oh no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no writing. It's not emo in any kind of. Hey, emo. It's gonna take a couple of listens to be real.
What? What the hell kind of music is that?
What is the wire?
You gotta watch it a few times.
Couple listen.
Two listens.
From beginning to end,
is a masterpiece.
You know you're an emotional guy.
I love emotional. you can feel the music
Yes, I do and I and I feel it and I go it's also something I've
Tilted this this day. Yeah, I've never heard anything like it. Wow. Yeah, I had a friend named Peter and Sandy
You know, he was like artist like one of those like real like eyeliner guys. Uh-huh. You know, you know real eyeliner
Oh, yeah, we know what eyeliner is
We got it. Oh, yeah, we know what eyeliner is. Yeah. We got it.
Yeah, but just moody.
Yeah, yeah.
Highly intelligent.
Okay.
Like, he would re-read just for fun, a Dostoevsky book.
Oh, that guy.
One of those plays chess at night.
Oh, it seems like a blast.
Yeah.
All right, all right.
All right.
And I go, he doesn't like any modern music.
Oh, really?
One day I went to, you guys listen to this album,
he goes, just know what I'm gonna like.
I don't like anything that's recorded after 1978
or whatever, you know, one of those guys.
And because this is recorded in 1990, I believe.
And that's all he listens to that album.
It's so, oh, okay.
My bloody valentine.
Yeah, you have an album that you like that you want to give to me?
Well, this is gonna get a little dorkier.
I don't care.
Where you add on George Harrison, all things must pass.
That's a great album.
It's a great album.
Great album.
That's a great album.
And it kind of goes what we're talking about,
Lizzo, it must pass, all things will pass.
You know?
If we're gonna go Beatles then, right?
Yeah.
Paul McCartney's, and people don't talk about RAM.
I don't know if it's not that is.
It's his first solo.
Whoa.
It's so good, Ram.
Ram.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
It's so beautiful.
Anyway, so we have a lot in common.
We like music.
Are you like that with film?
Love film.
I can go film harder.
Okay, keep, oh really?
Yeah.
Top three films.
Ooh, top three's tough.
Oh, I'm so many.
Whatever, whatever you're in, that's in your top 50.
You ever see, you ever see Raging Bull? Fuck yeah. Oh, top three's tough. Top many. Whatever, whatever you're in your, that's in your top.
You ever see, you ever see Raging Bull?
Fuck yeah.
All right, what about a cool hand Luke?
No.
You never see cool hand Luke?
You would like it.
I know who's in it.
Paul Newman.
Yeah, yeah.
A pizza guy.
Great pizza.
Yeah, and good dog treats.
Yeah, yeah.
So cool hand, why cool hand Luke?
Well, it's about a guy who is just rudderless,
he's got nothing going on, he's depressed, he's sad,
and he goes to jail for something to do.
He's like, I'm bored.
There he is, I mean, that doesn't give you anything.
But he goes to jail and he's in jail now,
and all these guys are in jail, they're all tough guys.
And he is just like full of life and energy,
and he's goofing around, they all cheer up and they love him
And then he breaks away and he gets caught and he breaks away to get caught. You got to see it
Dude I'm gonna watch it tonight. It's incredible. Give me another one. All right. All right. Have you seen Roberto Benini's
What does that come with the Nazi movie? I love that one life is
Biddle it's It makes me cry.
Yeah.
You cry.
You're a cryer.
Oh, alone, yeah.
I won't let people sleep me.
I'll tell you a movie that I cry.
I cried so hard.
No one ever talks about this movie is Dead Man Walking.
Wow.
Oh, man.
Oh my god.
That last episode was just a surrender
and Sean Pence finally, he's finally like realizing
what he did and he's been doing to it.
And there's, here's, here's why I like it.
I believe there's no such thing as redemption
in our culture today.
You got that right, sister.
All right, brother.
So true.
What I'm saying is that there's, if you make a mistake
in this climate, especially in social media, you're forever vilified.
Yeah, there's no room for forgiveness. There's no room for change.
Which used to be a liberal thing. Rearabilitation.
Right, dude. Yeah, it's we got weird priorities.
Yeah, and you know, I think about and when I saw it, Carlos Minceo.
Yeah. Uh-oh. And we can hear, we're doing movies.
We're doing movies.
Oh, wait.
So I said that to Crying, so you cried.
So the Roberto Pignini.
Yeah.
Yeah, life is beautiful.
Right, give me one more.
I had another one.
I had another one.
I got one.
All right, hit me.
Paris, Texas.
Hmm. I don't know it. It's favorite. Oh, it's one of my favorites really
Invinders. Yeah, okay every Dean's tatten. Oh, yeah, the movie opens up. All right this old man
He's wearing a suit like that, but it's tattered like he's been hasn't washed in 20 years
It's just catch done this feel like a pitch. He's gonna sell meattered, right? And the movie opens with a man in the middle of the desert.
He's thirsty.
He hasn't eaten.
It looks like he hasn't eaten in like a month.
He's just walking through the desert, right?
Then he sees a gas station.
Like one of those remote ones on the side of the road.
Doesn't even look like it's open.
He walks in there and he sees an ice machine.
As soon as he puts a piece of ice in his mouth,
he passes out.
He wakes up in some like,
rinky dank hospital in the middle of nowhere.
And the doctor, right?
The only thing he can find is wallet.
It's empty except for one little piece of paper
with a phone on it, right?
He calls it.
It's a man who lives in L.A.
who owns an ad agency.
Huh.
Right?
And he's like, wait, what does he look like?
And he goes, that's my brother.
He's been missing for all these years.
Weird.
Right?
So he drives all the way out to Texas or wherever he is.
Right?
And he finally finds it.
But he keeps trying to escape Harry Dean's
Statons character.
He just doesn't really talk that much either.
But it turns out his heart was broken many years ago,
and he just walked out of his trailer and went into the fucking night
and walked forever.
Wanted to walk forever.
It's heartbreaking.
Wow.
Heavy.
And don't make movies like this anymore.
No, they don't.
I got it.
Give me one. Give me another one.
I got a two for you.
Oh, fuck.
12 Angry Men. Never seen that. Whoa. I've seen 11 Angry Men. I got I got I got give me one give me another one a two for you. Oh fuck 12 angry men never seen
I've seen 11 angry men
Even funny joke, but I like cut maybe cut it out. You know, I don't know
It's it's a major port. It's a court movie. It's a court movie
But it sums up human nature in one movie
court movie little Mexican kid is on the train on the stand for murder and
Port movie, Little Mexican Kid is on the stand for murder. And all the guys go back in the jury, 12 jury men.
They go back and they go, all right, this kid's guilty,
it's obvious, and they all go guilty, guilty, guilty,
because they want to get out of there.
They got, I got a baseball game to get to.
I got to pick up my kid, whatever.
One guy's like, I don't know.
And then they'll hate the guy.
Like, what are you crazy?
Yeah, he's a poor kid, he's Mexican,
he obviously killed the guy, and he's like, I don't know, let's go through it
and they're like, we wanna get out of here.
Wow.
So you're gonna just put a kid in jail
because you wanna get out of here.
And so he starts slowly talking to them
and convincing them to one guy goes, yeah, I'm with you actually.
And now they go, oh, come on.
Now you're in the game.
I gotta watch this.
It's amazing.
He dies at the end of the game.
I'm not gonna say it in the end.
But it's a hell of an ending.
Yeah.
What about blowout?
John Travolta, late 70s, it's incredible.
Brian Dupama, I think made it.
But so here's what I'm saying about you, dude.
You love Phil.
Love Phil.
Right, could you write one?
I'd rather direct or write than act.
Wow.
Yeah.
Maybe that could be in your future.
I'd love.
Bill Burr, does it?
He does. He directed his Netflix movie. What? And then he just could be in your future. I love bill bird. Is it he does he directed his Netflix movie?
What and then he just directed me in a short and can I say yeah, and can I say probably one of the best directors?
I've ever worked with well. He's good with communication. Yeah, he's so good. Be very specific to yeah
He says hey, hey, this is how I want you to say it right just listen to me right now. He's direct just one line
There's one line that I want you to say it. Right. Just listen to me right now. He's direct. Just one line.
There's one line that he wanted me to say specifically.
But I get why he wanted, like it wasn't like one of those things
where I was just like, I don't understand it, you know what I mean?
Right.
And he needed to be said like this, right?
Whoa.
And he's very specific, but he's also just very like fun.
Right.
You know what I mean?
Hey, just have fun, you know what I mean?
He's like, he's so fun on set, you know what I mean?
Yeah.
I think you could do it.
I would love to do that.
You will.
I want to film school.
You're gonna do it.
Oh, let's do it.
You're gonna do it.
All right.
I'm your Lauren Spender.
Yeah.
I was speaking to you.
You're back from rock.
You're back from rock.
See the way.
So we're at fun podcast.
Hell yeah.
You have fun?
Blast.
Let's promote your special. Please go ahead.
Soup to nuts on Netflix full Netflix hour. There it is. It was in the top 10 for like two weeks. It's
amazing. Yeah, thanks. I put a lot into it and it's doing well and Netflix is happy. Thank God.
And yeah, now I'm working on a new hour and I'm at the ACE theater this week. Oh, wait, so how do you do it with the new hour?
It's not pretty because I'm just throwing it against the wall and some of it's working, but luckily you get
your own fans now and they, they go, they meet you halfway. You know, they kind of go,
oh, I see where you're going there. All right, and I can see the process and it's fun. Oh, it is.
Yeah, but I feel bad because I'm not crushing for an hour. Yeah, yeah, but that's the toughest part
of it being a standout. It's the pumping out of content. I hate it. It's brutal. Yeah, yeah. But that's the toughest part of being a standout.
It's the pumping out of content.
I hate it.
It's brutal.
It's brutal.
But you know, you gotta do it.
So does Ella get into a bit, let's do it,
and go, I don't remember, no, really where I'm going.
Or I set this thing wrong.
Yeah.
I set up wrong.
Right.
How do I get out of it?
It's like, it's little, it's like pressure. Oh, a lot of pressure. A lot of pressure. Is you up there? This is, I know how stand up work.
Highlighter. Highlighter. What else do you want to plug anything else? Yeah, I got two
podcasts. We might be drunk, which you've done. I got two days of stories. I'm all over the road.
Please come see me. See me work out a new hour. Hold on. I just want to say this.
See me work out a new hour hold on I just want to say this
Firework there, so you ever do down stage no, it's I do it all the really I'm a far coming I put the mic in my asshole and it makes a really good a fart and the audience it crushes everything
Nothing funny. Yeah, yeah, you got it to try it. I will do it tonight
Yeah, you will yeah, I'm brewing if I got one cook and I'll let some bok choy
Yeah, yeah, so I also have to say that I had a really blast big I had a blast doing you know you killed it
It was so much fun. We 69 on the table. Yeah, it was fun. Yeah, we really went on and I have to say here's the compliment
Yeah, it was fun. Yeah, we really went on and I have to say here's the compliment. Oh God. I have to swirl my paper. Yeah, it's all your paper. I have to say we're kindred spirits. Yeah, we got some.
Don't brush it up with your old time. Yo talking. Hey,
I just you know, I really like the internet in the sense that like I feel like you know,
there's I find I found like mine to people in New York as well,
and I feel a connection.
When I go to the cellar, we've talked about it.
I feel at home.
And I have to also say to you,
that Emily said from the comedy store,
if you're ever in town,
you knew you're coming on a Sunday, right?
Just call in, they'll give you spots.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
All right.
I'm proud of your attitude.
I'm going there tonight.
Yeah, but you're doing a, you're doing a I'm going there tonight. Yeah, but you're doing a
You're doing a sponsored like an outside show. Yeah, I guess so. I don't want a bug Emily. She's very busy She's nice. We need oh, can I say something? Mm-hmm. Sometimes I look at the lineup. Yeah, I literally think kind of wish mark
What the hell was that? Yeah, I wish Mark Norman was on the line. That's what I'm talking about. Okay, that's all.
No, fuck you.
All right, there we go.
Okay, fuck you, people.
Yeah, we're getting angry.
Okay, finally.
So I do watch the SLS or no.
So street league competitions for the skateboarding.
Oh, yeah, I watch it on YouTube later.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, cause there's one in Japan coming up.
Oh, really?
There it is.
We had a wild time.
That was a wild time.
That was fun.
Yeah, he was peaching me how to do it.
Yeah, only a 9 to 122 views, what the fuck?
It's not, it's not what we like.
It's a clip from someone else.
Oh, okay, good.
That's a good sign.
Okay, good, good.
People really like you.
Oh, I got it.
All right, God bless you.
I don't get it.
They like it.
Oh, you get it, Ted.
I get it.
I'm a fan.
Give him a run of applause, my brother.
It's a Bojega cat.
Thank you. por el huello amado, tu bravo, por la yo no pucía y tuyo