TigerBelly - Ms. Pat & The Testosterone Pellets

Episode Date: June 19, 2024

Ms. Pat makes her 3rd appearance and Khalyla brings us some treats. We chat Japanese homeless, cat convos, pig in blankets, sexy Chet Hanks, thick tounges, and nut navels.  Go to www.zocdoc.com/belly Zocdoc dot com slash BELLY and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then find and book a top-rated doctor today. That's www.zocdoc.com/belly 

Sandy's is the best. I'm local everywhere, baby. You are local everywhere. Earth, planet Earth, there. Locomoco. I live on planet Earth, man. I don't know what that means. Taz. Now you're a local boy to Earth.

Yeah. I got you. Yeah? I got you. Because if you're from Mars, you're gonna be a local boy to Earth. Yeah. I got you. I got you.

I got you. I got you. I got you. I got you. I got you. I got you. I got you. I don't know what that means. Now you're a local boy to Earth. Yeah. I got you. You got it?

I got it. Because if you're from Mars... Not so local. If you're like in Argentina or something, you're like, I'm from locally here on Earth. I don't know. Let's just move on. Doesn't make any sense. Furiosa.

Did you watch it? Did you watch it? Yeah. You watched it? Don't tell me. I heard one scene took 78 days to film. What scene? I know which one it is.

It's an action scene probably. No, it's just like a one-on-one. Dramatic one-on-one. No, it's not. That's crazy that it took 78 days. Cut. You're not doing it. Anna, what's her name?

Anna Taylor-Johnson. Yeah, you're not feeling it. Tomorrow, we'll not feeling it. Tomorrow, we'll do it tomorrow. Day 70. Day 70. Was it better than the Mad Max? Fury Road?

He loves the Mad Max. You saw Fury Road? I haven't seen it. Oh, I've seen the Fury Road, but I haven't seen the new one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's different. It's different? Mad Max, Fury Road, the first 30 minutes of that movie was probably one of the greatest openings of any movie.

I agree. So it didn't have that, but in the middle they had a couple of, you know what I mean, like whoa. Well then, because now they're really introducing Furiosa's story, right? Well, you know, my theory is this, because of how Tom, you know what Tom Hardy was like on curious story, right? Well, you know, my theory is this because of how Tom, you know how Tom Hardy, what Tom Hardy was like on Fury Road, right? I know, he said that he was, what did he call it? Short-sighted? Yeah, short-sighted, yeah, yeah.

Because he was like, what the fuck are we doing here? Basically, he played the whole movie until he saw it. No, he called it Myopic. Myopic, yeah. But think about Tom Hardy though, half the movie, he's in the front of a car with a mask on, you know what I mean? So in your mind as an actor you're like,

what is this? You know what I mean? And then you see a guy with an electric guitar and a gigantic rig, you know what I mean? You're like, this movie sucks, right? And then you see it and you go, oh. Anyway. Oh, is that George Small talking with Ms. Pat?

I've never heard George like this. I've heard George like this. Hey, how you doing, gal? He's like cackling out there. What's he doing? Is he good with black women? He just seems like strictly Asian women. Are you dating now, Bobby?

I'm dating too now. Ooh. Wait, are you still with a single mom with three kids? No, I got rid of her. You got rid of her? Hey man, maybe soften the blow on that. I got rid of her, not like that, but like... We just said don't say it that way. How did you break it off?

I just stopped talking to her. You ghosted her? That's a good style. It's not karma. Karma. That's a good style. Is it? It's not. It's not karma. Karma-wise is not good. Yeah. Let me ask you something.

When you get rid of her, like if you, would you call me if you got, if you needed to get rid of a body? What I call you? Yeah. Yeah, I'll call you and George. George, this George? Logistics.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Logistics, yeah. And what would you, like, what would you say? Like. Hey guys. Oh, group chat. Group chat. Hey guys. Hey guys. Hey guys. Hey guys. Yeah. But maybe not group chat because it does have an, it's evidence. I won't text it over. Okay. Hey guys. I'm like a, um, two way call, three way call.

Yeah. There we go. So we both answer. Okay. What's up? We recall. Yeah, there we go. So we both answer, okay, what's up? Hi, man. I'm having this pool party come over here real quick. In Texas? Where I'm at. Oh, it's like code.

It's code. Oh, so, okay, next time, know this. If you say pool party, we know it's a dead body. Yeah. Very good, let's get this done right now. Pool party. All right, so then you would fly first class, it flies first class, right?

I'll fly you guys in spirit Wait wait we're gonna hide a body for you. It's be a we get spirit So they can't even sit together quick you know what something quick. Oh quick. Oh, that's right because this is like cheap Oh cheap. Yeah, so we're in the middle seat spirit coach Go also cuz so no one can like recognize you if If you're in first class, they'll be like, Bobby Lee, where are you going? Oh, and coach, they never recognize you. What the fuck are you talking about?

No, it's just like, it made me question. It's darker in coach. They're gonna be like, well, that can't be Bobby Lee. He doesn't like the middle seat. He has anxiety in middle seats. Like, that can't be Bobby. Or is that more suspicious, that why is Bobby Lee flying spirit in the back?

No, I don't think so because he would never fly spirit. Interesting. So if anyone knows him or is a fan, they know that. That is true. I put freckles on. Yeah. Would that help? Yeah.

Yeah. Right? People are going to ask, why does Bobby Lee have freckles? No, no, no. Stop. I'm not done with that. Oh, okay. Keep going.

Yeah. I would do freckles, right? And then what I would do is I put a piece of Scotch tape and do this, put it down like this. So freckles like this, right? And then an eye patch. What do you think? Too obvious. Yeah, but will they still think it's me? Will they still think it's me?

No, but it's gonna look like a character, so people are gonna look at that weird looking guy with an eye patch. Oh, oh, oh, no, I know what I'm gonna do, right? From my eyes up, it'll be black, like Furiosa. Oh, like your cosplay. Like cosplay, people are like, oh, he's a man. No, not cosplay, like I'm actually from that world.

Oh, okay, got it. You're making yourself more known. Oh, fuck, oh, fuck. Bobby, how about just like a little scotch tape this way? Oh, yeah, yeah. You go big eyes, go big eyes. I go big eyes like this? Yeah. How about if I just Just big eyes. Oh yeah. You go big eyes, go big eyes. I go big eyes like this? Yeah.

How about if I just do big eyes? Yeah. No, that still looks like me though. But on math or something. But then just tape it to your beanie and then tuck it under the beanie. Okay, you taking forever, so this body's decomposing. It doesn't really matter.

70 days later. No, what you do get, what you get, what you don't get, I mean, this is vastly processing through my mind. Okay. When I say it out loud, it's slow. But I think of these things super quick. You know what I mean? I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, of the evidence. Oh my god, I'm very critical about it.

Yeah, so I know he's really good. I don't think I'm good. I think you are. The reason why I wanted to commit murder is I just know that I'm not good, so I haven't done it. If I could, what, go ahead. I saw you pick up the raccoon, what the raccoon left, and you did a pretty good job.

Oh, you did it? Trash all around, yeah, video. I was like, this is the first time. He's like, can you help me? I'm like, no. It's your raccoon. First of all, Bojo just vomits all over the house. Being still pisses on my new couch.

Bojo is, oh, you overfeed them. Okay, and I just can't, I just bought a new, I just can't, it's, I covered Saran wrap. Talk about a dead body, my fucking couch is dead now. I mean, it's like, I don't wrap talk about a dead body. My fucking couch is dead now. I Mean it's like I don't know it Who gets stressed out when construction comes over and so she's been you haven't been here in a month Yeah, but that's what triggered it right? I don't know man. It is for me. Also. It's like they miss me

And it's like I love them so much I can't get rid of them So it's like then I have to add much I can't get rid of them. So it's like, then I have to have these long conversations and I know they're not listening. I literally have these long, because I'm by myself, these long conversations. And then she kind of looks at me like, like in Peru they do these, you know, I talk to her about like, you know, they eat cats,

but they have the cat festival and they put the cats in a gigantic arena and they hunt them down. And it them down, and I show her photos, I go, look, you know what I mean? And then you pee on my couch, like I give you great food. And I don't do hunts. But I took her to the vet. You didn't.

I made the point. Oh, that's real! Can I tell you guys a story? Oh, that's real! Can I tell you guys a story? Here, let me tell you what happened. So this is what you get for dating Bobby and I'm not talking about myself.

Here we go again. So he calls me and he's like- You mean the greatest life? Ming is like peeing blood. So I was like, okay, one second, let me make an appointment. I make the appointment and I'm in Japan at this point. And so I was like, Jules, can you take Ming,

can you go to Bobby's house, put Ming in the carrier, and take her to appointment Jules? It's like, got it. Jules did it. Yes, Jules. So Jules came over apparently. Jules did, yeah. Yes, and you know Ming is half,

I'll go, I'll go. Hold on, hold on. Ming is half- I know what she's gonna say, and already I'm gonna wanna cut it out. Ming is half-feral, so Ming doesn't like to be in her carrier. She scratches, and she's very hard to get into a carrier. And Bobby would not help her.

You know who helped Jules? Okay, stop, stop, stop. Can I explain? Okay. Apparently this is what you were saying. I can't do it, I can't do it. So you made the girl that you're dating get scratched up all over her body.

She just scratched her body, her body was scratched up. Yeah, her and Jules had to catch Ming. Like open wounds and bleeding. Why is Ming so intense? I thought Ming was chill. She was always been like this girl. Talk about Furiosa, that's what she is. She has Furiosa, dude.

I feel like you're my parents. You sound like my parents. Jaime, we are your parents. We are your parents. We are your parents. We are yours. And we're so disappointed in you. But he has a girlfriend now. I can't believe it. She's a real estate agent so. Whoa you're rising. Who's rising? Me.

Yeah. You are. You are dude. So what kind of things does she sell? She sells retail, commercial, You are. You are, dude. Yeah, she's. So what kind of things does she sell? I mean. She sells retail. Very good. Commercial, like, was the same thing, but. Ooh, commercial too. House too?

She does rentals too? Mm-hmm. All right. Air and B&Bs, is that a thing or no? They don't do that. I'm sorry, my bad, let's back up. Where did you meet? At the Comedy Club in Fort Worth, Hyenas.

Ooh. And they're like five minutes and she. Oh, right, Hyena. She fell in love, so. Wow, how is it? She's in love with you? I don't know, she's in love with me. Let me ask, can I ask you some questions?

Sure, her or me? Well, where is she? Yeah, let me ask, let Bobby ask her right now. She's with her family. You don't talk so much when Ms. Pack gets here, right? I can already tell this is gonna go wrong. No, it won't. Okay.

Okay, go ahead. So, is she Hispanic? Yes. Children? No. No children? No kids. Thin or chunky?

Thin. Ooh, Aina! Chunky's good too. Right? Chunky's great too. Yeah, yeah. I would have done even a bigger, awoo. Okay, chunky.

Ooh! That's like a bark. Chunky's great too. Yeah, yeah, I would have done even a bigger, aw. Okay, chunky. Oh! That's like a bark. Yeah, that's like a big hyena. My point is, so she's a real estate, how old is she, age range from? 24 to 26. Well, yeah, you could have just. 25.

That was your range, 24 to 26? You could have lied better. Yeah, you could have lied there, yeah, yeah, you could have lied better. You could have lied there, yeah. We could have just been honest. So, all right, so, and religious? Catholic. Yeah, that's a religion, do you know that?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This fucking guy, I love you so much. Can I go back to before Ms. Pound here? So the last time I saw you, I was in the OR, I get off stage, you're sitting on the back pocket seats, and I walk up to you and you go, I bombed so bad in the main room, remember you said that?

How bad was that bomb? I got like, I heard like a couple of chuckles. It was a sold out? Yeah, it was sold out route, so. Let me just, everyone listening, the main room sold out is a packed, I mean, it's just, it's a sea of people, probably 350 maybe. Yeah.

What? Around there. Yeah, around there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Packed. It was Borboza's show. And you looked distraught, like you had just got hit by a train or something. So tell me from the beginning, how much time did you do? I did 10 minutes. And you only heard a couple of charcoals, but in your mind through the set you're like, I'm bombing?

You knew it. Yeah, like I'm like, ooh. Yeah, why do you think that happened? It's because I was trying out new stuff. Well, then that's what you should be saying to yourself. I tried new stuff and I bombed. Don't do new stuff in the main room, maybe? Okay. It's like one of the main room maybe? Okay.

It's like one of the biggest stages on planet Earth. I'm going to try new stuff. I'm going to improvise. You know what I mean? Yeah, like don't do that. It's because I always go up first. I'm always cold open. Oh, you're cold open. Well, that's another thing. To cold open the main room is almost impossible.

I would bomb there. It's a tight room. It is. I don't think I would, but. It's a tight room. It is. I don't think I would, but. Yeah, I would get there. But the Midwest, they love me. Midwest. Midwest.

The Midwest, they love me. I know they do. Dude, LA loves you, right? What I'm saying is, you know, it's probably some pressure too. Your first time in the main room. It's a historical place. It's a legendary stage.

And let me, I wanna say something. The first couple of times I played the main room, I've had the worst, even to this day I remember them, how bad they were. Because you just don't know how to play it. It's one of those things that you have to learn how to play. But you know, you'll be fine. But I thought it was super, super cute

that he would be vulnerable enough to tell me that he did that. And was I being nice? Or what would I do? What did I do? You did it like, hey, don't look, keep going. Yeah, yeah. Just one show.

Just one show, man. I'll give him a second chance this week. No, what, really? Where? At the main room again. Who, who, is he back? Yeah, he has a show on Wednesday this Wednesday Oh, that's fucking awesome. I'll see you there then I'll probably be there. Yeah, that's awesome

And he's gonna put you up cold again. Yeah, no, I think so. No ask him if he can put somebody up before you You should let me ask him. Yeah, dude when I go for okay when I went cigar Cuz he plays these 10 15 thousand and for it. Okay, when I went to Cigura, because he plays these 10, 15,000, and the last year when I did it, he said, you have to hold open in front of 15,000 people, right? And I'm like, and so finally I just went, when I did the MGM, I go, dude, I can't go up first.

I just can't do it. And so he, they put some people before me. You can ask. I'll ask him. I'm only nine months in, so you know, oh, that's true. Go first Moral the story go first. Yeah Zog talk Everybody needs Zog talk for their life Zog talk is a free app and website where you can search and compare highly rated

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a top rated doctor today. That's z-o-com slash belly. Zocdoc.com slash belly. I got you guys some treatos from Japan. No, we'll do it one past, Pat. I didn't want to say it. I know, but I'm just saying, I got you guys treats from Japan. Yeah, how many times do you have to say it? But now say it in Japanese. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But this time, please say it in Japanese, Gilbert. Was it fun? You know cuz you know so when you know that sandwich you got like that that deep fried deep fried eggs Eggs egg sandwich good you see that on tik-tok all the time Yeah, and I was always like oh, I would go to Japan to eat that it was is it as good as it It was really good. It was really really good, but then you know what I overdid what I overdid Family Mart 7-eleven and everything so like now I cannot look at another prepackaged lunch or breakfast for a while. What do they have there at 7-Eleven?

Everything, they're 7-Elevens. They have 7-Elevens there? It's amazing. They're the best 7-Elevens, they have everything there. It's not like our 7-Elevens. Sibulubulu. Yes, something like when you walk in, that's what they say. That's what I do when I'm there. I feel like you would have really, I feel like you would have really I feel like you would have a lot of it.

Say it 7-eleven Asian. Wow. No, you have autism. Japanese autism. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you want to get another shot? Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Let me hear you one more time. Well, so open the way. Just imagine though, right? Okay. You're in Japan. People are shot? Yeah, I want to do this. OK, yeah, yeah. Let me hear you one more time. Well, so open the door. Just imagine, all right?

OK. You're in Japan. God. People are talking around you, right? You open, ding, ding, ding. What do they have? Yeah. Do, do, do, do.

Yeah, do, do, do. You walk in the door, right? Go ahead. Am I the clerk in it? No, you're you. Oh, OK. Oh, OK. I'm like the clerk.

What do you want? Wait, you were the clerk in the last thing? Yeah. Oh, no, no, no. No, this were the clerk in the last thing? Yeah. Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Hey, Miss Pat's here. Yeah! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey, Miss Pat in the house.

Hey! The greatest. The greatest. The greatest. Goat. Goat. Thank you. Leaders don't compete.

Very nice. What does that mean? I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love. Leaders don't compete. Very nice. What does that mean? I love it.

You wanna put the headphones or no? Oh yeah, I'll put the headphones on. You like that when you do that? Yeah, yeah. Anyway, let me give you, maybe introduce you or I'll do it. It's your podcast, I don't give a fuck. Yeah.

She's like, just do it. Miss Pat, Miss Pat, she's here. Miss Pat, Miss Pat, she's here. Miss Pat, she's here. Anyway, that's my intro. I just improvised that. Love it. Pretty good.

The tone was good. It was catchy. And that was pretty good. Anyway, Miss Pat is, I think, one of the funniest people on planet Earth. I mean, one of them. I didn't say number one. Okay.

Yeah, I mean, there's a lot probably before you, but I can't think of it right now. It is, thank you. Yeah, yeah, but I mean, you have the top 100 probably. I think so. You think top 100 on the planet, right? I would think so mean you have the top hundred probably I think so you think top hundred on the plot Right, I would think so top 50 top. Yeah, I think I'm in the top 2500 on earth that's funny. Is that pretty good number? What'd you say top 2500? Oh, yeah, I see a top 52

Mm-hmm. I don't think so. I think so. Oh, well that's well, God bless you. But anyway, there's part There's part and um, you have your shows out Well, God bless you. But anyway, Miss Pett, Miss Pett, Miss Pett. And your show's out? Yes, season four just hit. Hit, and give her a round of applause for season four. To get on season four, it's on BET. BET Plus. BET Plus. What's the difference?

One of them you pay for, one of them just on your TV. Right, and Plus you pay. Yeah, Plus you pay. So you can access it on Hulu, because that's where I saw it. Hulu and Amazon. Yeah, plus you pay. So you can access it on Hulu, because that's where I saw it. Hulu and Amazon. Yeah, both of them. Woo! Yeah, if you don't want the BET,

the real black app on your shit, go on over to the white people app. Hulu and Amazon. Which you still get the black accent without the black door. You know, I've been on Hulu, I always think to myself, God, it needs to be more blacker.

Who, Hulu? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know about that. Well, they have FX shows, so they have Atlanta on that show, on Channel, right? Snowfall. Oh, let's move on. Anyway, I don't know much about it.

So. Atlanta's a really good show. Atlanta is a great show. Atlanta has a great show. We loved it. Actually, Hulu shot my pilot. My show was a Hulu show. They just didn't pick it up after the pilot

Oh, you know how it's but you know what's the blessing is is that another company? They let you have the rights to it right and then you get to repitch it No, it was just sitting in the can over there Disney and um We took it. We took it took tuck it back out and BT plus say yes to me Okay, and anything she does I I'm like, I'm with, and even if, no, no, I'm going to tell you, if an executive, you know, I don't care for, you're fired! We're picking this up! Well, you know, some white people might be scared of a big old black woman calling her

kids the N-word on TV. That's never been done before. That's true. So when, you know, in a family sitcom, maybe gangster movies and shit like that, but never on a sitcom. So I was the first to do it on a sitcom, so I probably scared the shit out of them. And I tried to explain to them over there,

I said, hey, calling my kids niggas no different than y'all calling y'all kids school shooters. It's just like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's than y'all calling your kids school shooters. It's just something. Yeah. Yeah. That's, I've never thought of it that way. Yeah. Them white niggas be shooting up some schools.

Yeah. Yeah. I never thought of it that way. Yeah. Yeah, you can't. Yeah, so let me ask you a question. I was in Portland this weekend with Logic and all his hom homies and they were

saying the n-word a lot to me right that mean they like you Bobby so that's what it means yeah so it's not a negative thing only if you say it to me never I would never never never right no I just seen a funny I just seen somebody just send me that on tik-tok when black people call you the n-word yeah and that's like it's an endearment Yeah, it felt good You're basically what else to say all the white people shaking No, no

That's what I meant. Oh wait, I don't know if that's supposed to feel good That's not what I meant what I'm saying is is, because they were, smiles on their face, and then, you know, they grab my hand, they pull me in, right, and they go, what's up, man, you know? And I go, thank you. You know what I mean? I don't know what else to say after that. You bowed down there. I bowed, I go, what do I know?

You know what I mean? I don't know what to do, you know? But it's a good thing, it's a good thing. Did you speak your language? Yeah. Let me see how that worked. What's up? I go. I'm not say, uh That's what I do next time say Korean something Korean you Korean Wait, stop stop stop everyone stop stop. Let me ask you something

Third time on this podcast, right? Yeah We have I think it was your ass Yeah, I don't think we ever talked about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we have. We have. I think it was your asshole the last time. Yeah, honestly, he's right. It was the asshole. It was your asshole.

I don't remember your last time. Because Theo doesn't memorize it either. So from the- What are you? Okay, I'm going to tell you what, I'm going to tell you what the fuck I am, man. But give me a second. I'm a girl.

Oh. I have to correct people because I got a deep voice and they're like, man, I'm a fucking girl with a uterus that don't work. No, I say that to female comics that I love. Yes. You know what I mean? So what are you? I don't like the way you're saying it, but I just want to...

What's your personality? Before I tell you, I just want to say, can you please memorize it? Probably not. All right, fine. We'll do this again. Korean. Korean. What?

Okay. You ever heard of it? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How far are you from Chinese? What do you mean? On a scale of Korean to Chinese, how far are you from Chinese? Or how far, like in running distance?

I don't know what you mean. Japanese, you know, like I'm African American, only because my people got caught. But the real Africans, they still over there. They're still over there, yeah. So somehow I'm African-american only because my people got caught but the real Africans they still over there They're still over there. So somehow I'm attached to them. Yeah, you are you're young. That's true Yeah, so I mean what I'm saying is is that our Nigerians different than people that from now we are black folks You know, I think that's our problem. I think Asians should do that. We're all one to decide Well, we I think we are we all we're just all from different

tribes, you know different tribes and in countries over there but you know that's where my people originated from before we came over here to help out. You guys helped a lot thank you. You guys helped a lot. Oh we helped a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got paid more, but anyway. We didn't get paid shit. I know, that's what I'm saying. Yeah. But, so. Why you think black folks still want their reparation check?

Yeah, I think you guys deserve it. Well, I do think we deserve a reparation check, don't get me wrong, but I will say this. Everybody don't need one. My sister smoke crack. Y'all shouldn't give her no reparation check. Fucking donkey, because the donkey going to be at the pawn shop for crack,

and she going to blow her money. So everybody don't deserve, if you smoke dope, but you got bad habits, you don't deserve what your ancestors left. Okay, okay, that's a very good, let me, how much do you think you guys deserve? Who me? Reparations. Whatever the fuck they're giving out.

The country? Shit, my people built this motherfucker yeah yeah yeah I don't know a hundred grand a hundred grand that ain't no fucking money to who a crackhead oh 2.5 million that ain't no that the country spend more money no you individually individually no that's not enough money. For individuals? Let me say this. Individually! Listen, nigga. Does it feel good? Hello.

Does it feel good? Feels so good. Because let me tell you why. It feels so good. The government going to give us reparations and turn around and tax it. So if you tax 2.5 million dollars, you in a different tax bracket. That's half the fucking money. So we back to being slaves.

Okay, okay, okay, okay. Okay, I don't think that's possible though, Ms. Matt. What possible? That's so much money. They got a lot of fucking money. They over there sending money to Ukraine and everybody, and Americans in everybody business, but they own fucking business.

You going to tell me we ain't got no motherfucking money? Right, right, right, right. Why your people? Where you from, Koreaucking money? Right, right, right. Why your people? Where you from? Korea? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Your people ain't got no homeless people? Are you crazy?

Well, one of them country look good over there, child. Yeah, on photos. You're right, okay. Yeah, y'all got fancy bridge. Y'all keep studying. Y'all kids study. Y'all don't even get the real TikTok over there. They make y'all learn study, y'all don't even get the real TikTok over there, they make y'all learn how to read,

the day y'all come out the pussy. Y'all got great school. Y'all eat all the fucking rice, y'all the only niggas I know that can make a rice dish out of anything. Yeah, wow, wow, okay. So what you're saying, I haven't been out, when you were, she was just in Japan last week. Yeah.

Do you see any homeless in Japan? No. You know what, not a lot. Japan's tough. But you saw one, there's gotta be one. I saw one and it caught my attention. He was not homeless, he had just got off work. But it was, you're right, because it was hard to say

because it was in Shinjuku, so everybody's sort of like, drunk, you know, coming out from a party, so it was hard to say because it was in Shinjuku. So everybody's sort of like drunk, you know Coming out from a party. So it was hard to say but I you know, I not a lot and it was clean It was very clean. Thank you. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Thank you. You ain't going i'll be watching tik tok in china Because I was thinking about going ain't no fucking homely people over there. They mind their business Yeah, yeah, they mind their business. Is your gallbladder all better? Because I brought fancy chocolates for you. From Japan. From Japan.

Oh, yeah. It's nice stuff. I promise you they're really good. Do you like dark or do you like milk chocolate? I like milk chocolate. I don't like shit dark. OK, OK. That's my miss.

You're going to open it? I'm going to open it for her, of course. This is the most special one. It didn't come out of Bobby Lee's ass, did you? No, no, no, no, no. I don't pack it like that. You still got that new boyfriend? I do, yeah.

The guy from Hawaii? Yeah, he took you to China? What? China? Here we go. Here, have a pass of fudge. Oh, yeah, yeah. Miss, why you bringing this up?

No, I went with my family. Oh. This look like some cocaine. Oh, yeah, try one. What? No, what? It's a fudge, it's like a little fudge bar. You can just pull a little square out. I'm gonna tell you now, if I eat this,

I'm swinging on everybody, just some bullshit. May I try one? Yes. Yes, this looks like some bullshit. No. Mm-hmm, don't lie. You like the Chinese chocolate. This is really good See your people know how to do this

No, no preserve Am I right cuz you wouldn't be eating if I had the bullshit in it cuz you so healthy It is so good. Okay I've had many chocolates. Uh-huh Many many many chocolates. This is one of the best chocolates I've had many chocolates. Many many many chocolates. This is one of the best chocolates I've ever had. I mean you saying many like you don't fuck the black girl. Come on BobbieD.

I have many black friends. This is really fucking good. How much did this cost? I don't remember. It's probably like 20 bucks. You stole it? Yeah I did. And this came from where?

From Japan, but this specific place in Hokkaido. It's like in the north. Why you go over there? To Japan, just to travel, just to eat, mostly eat. Mostly eat. The food there is really, really good. Like what? Everything.

Everything from like there's sushi to everything. Don't they be eating squid, dick and shit? Squid dick? Let me see. Let me see. What does that look like? I think we... Everybody got a dick. Squid dick?

But you know what they say about like American calamari? They say that sometimes they switch it out with pig anus. Yeah, you know that, right? And you can't even tell because they deep fry it. That's why don't eat calamari. Don't eat calamari here, Miss Pat. They deep fry. It was a whole thing on NPR. Yeah.

Yeah. Because they look the same. Stop eating calamari. I'm not eating the... Well, you know, black people eat chitlins, so we eating the good. That's true. What's the fucking deal? I don't eat chitlins. So Filipinos, we eat the entrails, everything too, so it's not a big deal for me.

But I know for some people, they don't like pig anus. Because I was wondering where America were getting all them osteoporosis from Exactly that's right last time I was here you told me you go bite him on the head That's right a lot of people give me shit about that No, yeah, that's how you that's how you grab them from the water you and you bite them and kill them to cook them They cook them. Yeah, but guess what in 2027 Korea outlawed dog eating. For the next couple years, they're running.

You can't eat no dogs? No, they got rid of it. Y'all was eating dogs? Yeah, it was like a big market there. Yeah, huge market. So let me ask you this. Did y'all eat rats too? Was there even rats?

What's rats? No. What? I'm asking. No, no, no, we don't eat rats. Well shit. No, like white people in the South, they'll eat squirrels, right?

Yeah. Yeah, that's their shit. Everyone has their own shit. Who eat rats? Somewhere, yeah. I think if you need meat, anybody. No sister. Oh, if you need meat anybody no sister

If you and I were on an island and we're deserted I will probably eat you Hell yeah, I know your little balls are dark meat Okay, okay, yeah, yeah, what is the weirdest animal you have eaten or tried? Frog. You like it? No. When I was little, my mama would eat all of that shit. We didn't eat no calamari shit. That was too fancy.

But you ate chitlins. You ate hog mauls. You ate every part of the fucking chit. Same. My mommy used to love to fry the fish head here But I couldn't eat the fish here cuz you know they don't take the eyeballs on the nigga I mean fuck just laying there fried with his eyes looking at you for Asians You go eyes and cheeks first on the fish always eyeballs and cheeks. I mean eat it Yeah, the fish head is the best part of the friends. Do we go for the pussy first? I always eat the fish pussy

It's so good The eggs, the roe. I mean, that is true. Wait, wait, fish don't have pussy? No, they have a little hole. I think they have a little hole. They have a little hole. Yeah, it's a little vagina.

You just stuck your tongue in the hole? Yeah. I can see you now. That was weird. I can see you now. No, I can't, no, I'm just saying. I can see you now eating the catfish out. I pick up the fish and I go like that.

It's really good. His tongue is awfully short. I see why you laugh at me. Why it's down zero. You always said it was down zero. Well it's very thick and short. You said your mouth got Down syndrome. What?

Well he just has a really fat tongue and it's short. Look, look. Oh he can't do shit in there. It moves. It moves. Watch, watch. It's moving. It's moving.

It's moving. It's moving. It's moving. It's moving. It's moving. It's moving. Look, look. Oh, he can't do shit in there. It moves. It moves. No. Watch, watch. It moves.

Yeah, but that's just enough tongue for somebody to piss on. You stick your tongue. That's the rudest thing. I don't know. Yo, yo, yo, that's the rudest thing I've ever heard in my fucking life. And just enough tongue for someone to piss on. What does that even mean? I don't even know what it means.

Can you imagine his tongue in your booty hole? You'd be like, ooh, a flood of fluid in my ass. It's Bobby Lee with his tongue up your ass. You're like, oh, Bobby Lee, that's you back there. I know I keep giving you nightmares. It's like, flashback. You're like, why did I do it? You got that thick tongue and you got them little bitty titties, it's probably very uncomfortable

to get your titties sucked by Bobbie Lee. You probably lick them like that. And then that little grit on your tongue, probably scratch a little areola. I'm very gentle around the kitty Like you know the border Why can't you look at me? Just look at me. So this let's say this is the area. I've seen your private part Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, pretty good Pretty good

You only fuck to pay something. That's another the word. You don't think he's gonna find true love? Did you stay bitch? Why you keep looking at me like that? Like with suspicion. Don't look at me with suspicion. Okay.

Okay. You can't at me with suspicion. Okay. Okay. Whoa. You can't handle them this bad. So in a different world, right, let's say you don't have children, you're not married, okay. And I'm single, right. And we're at a club. You can't even hurt a virgin.

We're at a club, right, and I go, hey baby, just hear me out. Hey baby, can I buy you a drink? You wouldn't take a drink? If you approach me. Yeah, that's how I do it. I come like, I just come in the dark. I would tell you, I'm not.

What's up baby? And I would say, I'm sorry, but I'm not looking for a discount on hair. No. Oh, your mind would already. Shop. You would be shopped. What if I was a liquor store, I went to a liquor store.

Well, that either. Okay, okay. Laundry, I have a good laundry mat. No. You don't like, you don't want clean clothes? Yeah, but in our community, we think of hair first. Oh, hair first. Yeah.

Right, it's real hair though that you guys use, right? Some of us. Okay, did you use your real hair? I used they real hair. Okay, okay. So you'd say that I don't wanna discount in hair and then I would just walk away, I'd be so sad. You would, it would crush you?

Dude, cause I'd be like, oh shit, that girl's so hot, fuck, I'm gonna take the, you have to understand. I literally probably would laugh at you cause I never get hit on outside my, I never get really hit on. So, and if you are hitting on me, I've been married so long I couldn't even pick it up. So I probably would laugh at you. I probably ask you are you high? Okay, so you do you dream of other dick or no, no, okay

All right, I've been fucking since elementary school. I'm not dreaming no dick. All right. I'm trying to dream of a coffee table Yeah, my DIY project. Because guys do that, like they're in a long term relationship. Sometimes they think about other women, right? Yeah, but after a while, like if you've been fucking for a long time, you're exhausted. It's done. It's a young girl sport. It is. I mean, who wants to suck dick in their 50s?

That is true. I mean, I got hot flashes. I just found out that I have, I just tested positive for menopause. I'm full blown menopause now and I gotta have testosterone shots in my ass. I gotta put pellets on my booty. So I mean I have too many mood swings. You know I gotta get testosterone and I'm worried about my fucking voice going deeper, me growing more chin hair, more beard, you know, motherfuckin'.

All kind of shit about to happen to me. Put that bullshit. But do you feel better on testosterone? I haven't had it yet. I'm gonna get it when I go back home. Oh, okay. Oh, wow. Yeah, they just told me I gotta have pellets in my,

I had options. Take a pill, I don't like taking pills. They said rub some arm hair on the fat part of my arms. You're not fucking with my back wings, so Either shoot pellets in my ass, so everybody told me to take the pellets in my yeah Well, let me ask miss Pat could I put the pellets inside you would you trust me enough? Can we be real for a second yes on a reality that's what real means yeah Yeah, I know. Would you trust me enough to take the puck?

Fuck no. Why not? By the way, I'm not getting naked in front of you, first of all. Second of all, I've seen you naked. I don't want to see that. Yeah, I won't be naked. That'd be weird if I'm naked with a puck.

Hey, what's up? Hey, what's up, girl? What's up, girl? No, I'd be wearing the gear, like the nurse's gear. I'll have a mask. Why not? That's be wearing the gear, like the nurse's gear. I'll have a mask. Why not? That's so rude.

I feel like we're friends now. Well, we're all friends, but you ain't sticking shit in my ass. I've seen your little booty hole. I'm not doing that. Yeah, why do you keep bringing up my booty hole? I'm not putting pellets in my booty hole. I saw your booty hole in a dream.

Okay. All right, so what about this? It had ants running in your ass. It's all confetti. So there's no circumstances where I could shoot anything inside you? And what? What? I mean not-

The fuck are you talking about, man? Bro. Whoa, whoa, it came out weird. Try again. Yeah, I'll try again. You're right. You're right. No, no. Pellets, I mean, pellets. I didn't mean anything else.

Pellets. You ain't shooting shit at me. Oh yeah, you- He couldn't- Who the fuck is this? You- You never introduced him. He couldn't. Who the fuck is this? You never introduced him. He's just our sidekick Jaime.

Jaime, do you have any questions for Ms. Pat? Jaime? Actually, Jaime and Ms. Pat were at the Netflix pool party together. Yeah, I interacted with you. Who? What'd we do? I just said hi to you at the pool party. You interacted?

You said hi back. You said hi. You were at the pool party that Bobby wasn't invited to? Yeah, she was wearing pink. Mm-hmm. Okay, Bobby. The fan just popped up. Are you okay, baby?

They ain't got you hostage. No, no, no, no. No, I was there. He's just slower. You Asian too? No, I'm Mexican. No, I'm Mexican. He's Mexican.

Yeah. So, don't mind him. So, the pool party. So, I got a little FOMO looking at that photo. What pool? Oh, that pool party. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They didn't invite you?

Uh-uh. And when I looked at that, right, would you get FOMO if you were in that photo or no? What's FOMO? Fear of Missing Out No, I see pictures like that all the time on the internet. I was actually shocked that I got invited. You was at that party? At the Netflix dude house? Yeah. How you get invited to Bob and E.B. Because the CEO he saw me on here.

Wait, wait. Yeah, see? Because Ralph was there, right? Ralph. Tiffany Haddish. Yeah, and Tiffany, yeah. You a comic? Mm-hmm.

Oh, okay, okay, yeah. Yeah. No, I didn't feel. You confused me with the help. You kept ordering, you thought I was working there, you said, give me more pig in the blankets. I was like, I don't even work here. You still did it, didn't you?

You still did it. That's good, that's good. I do remember asking for pig in the blankets. I'm sorry. That's all right. Did that really happen? Yes. That's so funny.

Oh my God, I just did it. Can I get behind it? You know how I'm dressed. Let me just say this. It wasn't because he was Mexican. I know y'all get confused. I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, at Foot Locker. Because they always ask for help. Okay, so don't wear that. You brought her the food still. Oh yeah, I told her, hey, Miss Pat needs pig in the blankets. Did you really get her food? Yeah.

Oh wow. Did you have the chicken waffles? Whoa, whoa, whoa, back up dude. Why chicken waffles, bro? Because that's what they had. Their food was really good. Their food was good, Bobby. I told you they didn't have that and you were just saying that. No, the food was really good there Their food was good, Bobby. I thought they didn't have that and you were just saying that.

No, no, the food was really good there. I don't remember you, but okay. But I just, I'm sorry. It's okay, Miss Pat. I had a lot of fun there. Bobby's feelings are really hurt that he wasn't invited to that one. Why?

Because everyone in that photo were friends of mine. What, did you ask them why they didn't invite you? Now, who do you call? I don't know that was a Netflix dude house. I was shocked I was invited. When they said, what is his name Ted Sarando? Yeah. They said he wants you to come to his house.

Who is that? Wow, wow, wow. And that's because I don't pay attention to what's going on. And then when I say hold on that sounds familiar. And it was like the guy who owned it. So I say what did I do to get invited? I was shocked. You're one of the famous, funniest people on planet Earth.

What are you talking about? Yeah, but I was shocked. Then I show up and at first the people I see, Dave Chappelle, Cat Williams, who else is it? Kevin Hart. Kevin Hart was there. Lil' Ray, Dion Cole, Tiffany. They're gonna meet all the way over in the corner with,

what's his name, Hassad? Hassam Manah. Hassam Manah, I love him. And Sinbad was there too. Sinbad was there. It was nice. I got in the corner because I don't like to be the center of attention. Burt Kreischer, everybody was there.

Everybody. And that couple from the 70s show. And you know what you could do All you got to do is just Photoshop yourself in we did that already Yeah, yeah, yeah, I put in there. No, honestly, be honest. I wasn't that bummed about it I made it into a bit and now because now I get people hit you up now people hit me up like dude, man You should have been fine. I don't really give a shit. It was just a bit It's a bit now.

What was? You gave a shit first when you saw the picture. What are you doing? You were pretty bent out of shape about it. Can we do it this way? Okay. Okay. I'm sorry.

That's not your woman anymore. You can do it how you want. As a favorite, can we just do it the other way? Yeah. Okay? Because I'm trying to get out of it, you know? All right, so yo, what's up? I wasn't that bummed about it.

It was a bit that I was doing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Planning and stuff, but dude, it's like. She lying! She lying! But there were other people that weren't there as well. And there was good friends, Andrew wasn't there. Andrew wasn't here.

Cantino. Well, he was out of town. Yeah, everybody was out of town. Yeah, I was here, Yeah, yeah, yeah. Listen. I'm just trying to get this straight. I mean, I know, I know. I wasn't out there.

I was on there. Why don't I get invited? You know, I had to stop and worry about why I don't get invited. Yeah, tell me. So tell me what to do. So I want to be able to- Just focus on you. That's all you got to do.

That's right. You ain't got to worry about, you know- Don't worry about nothing. He wasn't there handing out million dollar checks. Tell me what to do. So I want to be able to- Just focus on you. That's all you got to do. That's right. You ain't got to worry about- Don't worry about nothing. He wasn't there handing out million dollar checks. Yeah, yeah.

It was just a party. I mean, I hear you have it every year for comics. Yeah, but I want to... So my first year at MADtv, okay, Michael McDonald, I love him, but one day I was calling people on the cast, I go where are you? You was on Mad TV? I was on Mad TV for eight years. You work with Deborah?

Yeah. She's on my show this year. I love Deborah so much. One of the funniest people on planet earth. Oh my God, she was, she had this role, oh my God, she killed it. She actually scared me in real life. She was so fucking good.

She's so good. You gotta go watch it. She was fucking hilarious. I love Debra. But the first, yeah there she is. What's that? That's an old one of you and Debra. Well that is me, yeah.

You didn't recognize yourself? Well I was just so young. So skinny. Yeah I was so skinny then. Yeah. But anyway. You look like a Korean mama. Mama?

An Ajumma? An Ajumma. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the first show, let me just say, the first year of MAD, Mike McDonald had, I called everyone in the cast, they're like, oh no, we're up north at a wine vineyard. And the whole cast was invited, except for me. Right? And I go, oh.

And I hung up. And it's like that kind of feeling. But it turns out, because I was sober, they didn't think it was appropriate that I went up there. Yeah, yeah. But anyway. You had to stop drinking? Yeah, I'm sober now too.

What happened? Oh, so they didn't want to put you around alcohol. Yeah, yeah. But that makes sense. They don't invite you to a cocaine party. I know, I know, I know. They was looking out for you. I know, they were looking out for me.

Can you go around alcohol back then? Yeah, back then it was so kind of new and stuff, but now, I mean, obviously we work at comedy clubs, so it's always around me, so I just, yeah, I don't think about it. But at that time, when they didn't invite you, would you have went up there and had a drink? No, I would have been invited, and I would have just relaxed and hung out with,

you know, because when you're on a show, you're excited, like, oh my, I'm on on a show and if you get invited to something like that you're like oh my god I'm a part of something. How long did that Mad TV last? 14 years. I was on that I was on it for the last eight years. Why did it leave Saturday Night Live with Tyler Yall as one day? Yeah they just canceled it yeah the numbers weren't right I guess I don't know. Which is strange because I feel like it was so much better in a lot Of ways mad TV was well, I think mad TV

They they pushed the envelope. They really did it did. Yeah, you know where now you you can say inappropriate things on Saturday night Live, but they still don't push you. Yeah, you know like all of that shit was making final Whitney Houston Yeah, she did. Oh my God. Damned it every episode. Yeah, it was incredible. Oh my God. Even the Dragon Hunter, the bit that I did about the blowing the gut. Yeah, it would have never been on SMILE. They would never put that gun.

You could not do that. I know. It's the most racist, what? That's me. How is it racist when you, Corrine, and you playing it? Because I do the most fucked up accent you're me and it's the most fucked up character and you're Chinese. No, I'm Thai Yeah, yeah, you're supposed to be tired. Yeah. Yeah, we didn't know. Yeah And they always go can I do another Johnny gun that I don't know if it's like connecting with the audience

I and I got and I would go I don't know if it's like connecting with the audience and I would go, I don't care, I wanna do it. Because it was just like so weird to do. But when I look back at it I'm like, dude that was fucking racist. Anyway, let's not look that up anymore, let's move on for it. Didn't that boost your career?

I think it put me on the map a little bit but you know what happened after Mad TV was there was like a three or four or five year dip where I couldn't really work. Why? I don't know why, it's funny, I remember seeing other Matt TV people like Ike at auditions and it was just like,

it almost felt like we had to get back in line. You know what I mean? And then five or six years, then I would book a sitcom and then another five years. You know, my life only, like, this podcast and Bad Friends have really kind of, was the thing that got me back, you know what I mean? Going again.

I mean, with your comedy, you was always touring. I was always touring, yeah, yeah. And drawing and stuff. The great part about being a comic is like when all of that TV shit is gone, you can always come back to your roots. And that's what our roots that's why I always tell people I would never quit comedy because you don't own that shit you out there putting on TV you developing you creating yeah you're the executive producer or you the producer

but when it's gone it the network own it you don't own it we're gonna forever own our stand-up I would literally leave stage, mean stage at work, filming a show and go and fucking do some comedy. I mean go on the road and people like, why you work so hard? I was like, cause that ain't my shit. This is my shit. So I need to keep this machine running.

This machine just help that machine. Cause that machine over there, somebody gonna take the key and cut that motherfucker off. So I can just hop back in my own car and drive on home like a one night stand. over there, somebody gonna take the key and cut that motherfucker off. So I can just hop back in my own car and drive on home like a one night stand. Yeah. I mean, without stand up,

so I've had friends that were on that show that were just actors, and then they all had to get day jobs. And I was just like, and I would go to Schomburg, I would still sell out that room, it's a big room. And it's like, I would go to markets and still sell out and make great money. And it was just like, it was such a fucking blessing.

Of course, you know, you think to yourself like, am I ever gonna get back, right? But I think it's cyclical and it did come back. You know what I mean? TV don't matter to me like that. What does? TV? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm blessed to have the Miss Pat Show and then the Court Show, but you know, I'm glad, I appreciate the Pat Show and then the Court Show, but you know, I'm glad I appreciate the job I love working over at BET Plus, but what matters to me is the stand-up Because that's what I own. I mean, I don't ever worry about I'm gonna get another TV gig. I don't give a fuck I just wanna do my stand-up. Because technically at this point Let's be honest you probably make way more at stand-up than you did on the episode of mad TV Yeah, yeah, whatever sir what you can go out one night and do a theater and work one hour Then take your little ass to bed

What a TV show you got to rehearse those lines, you got eight hours, you drug out your tie, all for one episode. Yeah, and it's also TV now, I know a guy who's on two TV shows as a regular, no one knows who the fuck he is. There's so many shows that die or they just keep on, and if you're like fourth or fifth lead, you just disappear, right?

You're getting a paycheck, but they don't even pay as much as they used to pay like back in the day used to pay like what 70 grand 60 grand an episode now these guys are gonna like I'm getting 16 grand 15 grand but with the taxes and their managers and agents right and then that's all they'll get for the next couple of years that money dries up so it's like it's a TV has changed so I'm gonna change what it changed when all these apps and shit came yeah yeah yeah but that's why this is a TV show. Bad Friends, the other one I do, is a TV show,

and it's like, I'm so blessed that we can just do it on our own. I guess that's the message. If you were out there and you wanna do this shit, just do it on your own. Yeah, Andrew Schultz did it. I be all in his box. Andrew, you want some pussy?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just playing, Andrew. But when I met Shultz 11 years ago, he broke it down for me. We're in Canada and he goes, this is the future of... and it made me understand, okay, I should just focus on this. And he was right. So it's like, he's a bright guy. Shultz?

Yeah. Yeah, he's a bright dude. Yeah, he is. I saw a clip of Shultz the other night. He was in Iraq or somewhere over there. Middle East. Yeah. Middle East. Yeah. And he was literally doing jokes for them. And I'm over here don't know shit about Middle East and I'm laughing my ass off. Yeah. The way he's striving certain men's in each culture. I mean he's fucking great. Yeah, I don't even think that way. When I watch him, I go, oh, I can't do that.

You know what I mean? He's so great. Anyway, let's not talk about Andrew anymore. I'm very talented and I love him. I'm a big fan. Anyway, so Pat, who do you think I should be with? Describe the woman for me. Matchmaker.

Be a matchmaker. And don't say anyone specific, but just describe this woman for me, and I would like to hear it. So I'm closing my eyes. So I'm, you know what I mean? I'm showing up on a blind date. I walk into the restaurant, right?

I have my sport jacket on. Brown-skinned black woman with large lips, a gap in her mouth. Yeah, so gap in the mouth, yeah? Um... How big's the gap? Like David Letterman? David Letterman got a gap. I never paid him.

Every time I see him he look like a fucking snowman. Oh, he do have a gap. Yeah, yeah, there's a little gap. There ain't no gap in the hood. That's just one of his tooth on shit. Michael Fray ain't got a gap. Yeah, yeah. Michael Fray ain't got a gap.

You know, one of my sisters in-laws, she had such a big gap, so instead of pushing them together, she put another extra tooth between the gaps. Oh, God. So she has one middle tooth. Well, like a thin middle tooth? It's not that thin because she had a very big gap that was big enough to put like a whole tooth in. Wow.

Because they don't want to wear braces. But it's weird to just have one tooth in the middle. You can't really tell. Oh you can't? You gotta be a nosy motherfu- Oh I think I see a tooth in the head. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did he glue it on or did they went to the dentist?

No it's probably a denture or something like that. Wow, that's very good. That's a gap. That's a gap. No, he didn't. Somebody else did it. I love gaps. Like your gap. I have a gap.

I love your gap. I love women with gaps. That ain't no gap. Just a little one. Here's another thing I like. A little bit of cross-eye. Oh yeah, that's what I have. That's thing. I like a little bit of cross-eye. Oh, yeah, that's what I have She has a little bit of like what it's like I think he's still attracted to you So let me describe the one for you white woman small titties

Black hair lots of tattoo just got back from Japan No, you know, I'm gonna be honest you, people see you with her, they be like, how the fuck Bobby Lee do that? You seen a couple before, they're like, if I fuck Tim, people are like, what me pass in him? That I understand. That I get. Nothing wrong with you, we get different.

Yeah, there's something wrong with him obviously. I'm just saying, they would be like, what the fuck me pass in him? Yeah, yeah just different. Yeah, there's something wrong with him obviously. Nothing, I'm just saying, they would be like, what the fuck, they're passing him. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But let me say something. Like the gardener.

No, not you a gardener, you don't even look Mexican, I thought you was his cousin. So. Your cousin? Yes. Don't say gardener, okay? I'm just saying, you know, it's just like, you know, it was like the opposite. Okay, but let me, all right, yeah, yeah. I'm just saying. You know, it's just like, you know, it was like the opposite.

Okay, but let me, all right, so, so a lot of people go, it's fame. That's why Bobby, right? But if I, when I was 23 and I dated this girl, Jennifer, she was hot as fuck then, right? And I had nothing, I had no money, right? So it's my, I think it's charisma. She was black.

She was white. But I was, I had charisma, I was no money. Right, so it's my, I think it's charisma or something. She was black. She was white. But I had charisma, I was funny, you know what I mean? I know certain things and I was able to woo people in that way. So that's a thing, not physical appearance, but like my personality and stuff. Yeah, I mean, you funny, so.

Yeah, so if I'm looking at a club, if I'm like, hey, you know what I mean? You look gay. Oh, okay. Sorry. You look gay. You look gay. You look gay. Gay? Yeah. Don't dance. I won't dance.

But if I was, you know, I think that I would, I honestly think, can I touch you? Yeah. Okay. I honestly think that, you know, in a different world, and I'm praying to God about this, that I get a shot with you. Bye bye. You pray about that? In a different way you in a different... What, Bob? In a different...

Every time you say that, I pray. That's what I'm saying. You pray about that? In a different world. That's your prayer. In a different world. Get the fuck away from me. I wouldn't fuck you in the...

I want the challenge. You ain't got no chance. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Bob, the best I can do for you is to let you fuck me in my navel. That's the best I can do for you. You can bust another in my navel. That's the best I can do for you. You can bust a nut in my navel. You're neat.

Oh, so your belly button. Yeah, it's deep enough. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you have to be passed out or would you be conscious? I'll be conscious. Okay, yeah. I know how to make it grip you. Okay.

But let me ask you something, Ms. Pat, Matt. Can I lock eyes with you? No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm in your navel. I look over. Would you lock eyes? And I go, very good.

Very good. Very good, Ms. Pat. Very good. If I needed something out of you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Well, I was just kidding, okay? We're friends, right?

Oh, good. Let's move on. You know what I mean? Oh, I thought about it when you wanted to fuck me. There's a lot of odd couples. I feel like that's the weirdest. Yes, look at that. That would be you guys. It was like a flavor play, Brigitte. Yeah, that's what I said.

Who was that? Chelsea Handler, 50 Cent. They went together? I think for a short moment. For a short moment, yeah. Or allegedly, we don't know for sure. But why is that odd? That's odd, right?

No? That's a little odd. What? Tom Green and Drew Barrymore? Tom Green, the comedian. Yeah. He was married to Drew Barrymore at one point. Yeah, that was very odd.

In common, odd. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's a weird one. Yeah, but he was so funny. You know what I mean? So that's what sold it. That's a little weird. Who's that lady?

Brigitte. Oh, Brigitte Neal. Neil that was uh that hot guy ex-wife yeah oh that's right that's right that's right that's right it could be less a little fun I'm not like that I'm not am I like that I'm just saying would be odd to see you too do that be very odd I know but it would don't you think they'd be I mean teams you would think oh crazy like when member Kelis and Bill Murray? Did you see that one? I did see that one. Yeah. Who's Kelis? The singer.

Yeah, the singer. Kelis. Hey, hey, hey, uh, ain't she one, my neck, my back. No, that's Kia. Kelis is milkshake. Oh yeah, bring the milkshake to the y'all. Wait, what? What?

Yeah, so Kelis and- Oh my God. Oh my God. My milkshake. And how long were they together for? I think a couple months at least, right? Until TMZ put them out on the beach together. Oh, well how about Russa Simmons' daughter

with the rich ass hotel room? But yeah, I think when she got outed they broke it off. It was Ioki Simmons, right? With that really old white dude on the beach. That was creepy. No, it's not. I was really rich. You know how much pussy I've given away for free?

Very good point, very good point. How much pussy have you given away for free? A lot, a lot. And to people with no money, you're right. Yes, that is not odd. And I'm not saying that's what she was doing. I'm just saying. He's like a restaurateur or something like that, right?

So in the dark, you know, you know, well miss Pat my dad was 36 years older than my mom So like she was he was 60. Yeah, he was in his 60s and my mom was like 22 So did he have money? He had money. He had money, yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly, your mama know how to sell pussy. Yeah.

So she had a baby so she can secure her. Had two babies. She had two babies so she could secure that baby. He still around? But then, no he's not around anymore. He would have been 100 this year, but then he lost all his money, but she stuck around anyways.

And how did he lose it? He was just bad, very reckless. He put his money in Mexico, remember? Reckless with his finances, because he came from money, so he never really had to work maybe for the money. So what do you mean when you say he lost his money? He put it all on like- Like, no, his broke might not be all broke.

You're right. Even when he lost it, we were still able to go to international school and live okay. But then when he lost, lost it. Y'all ain't lost shit. No, but then by the time we came to America, we were living in a one bedroom, one bath, cockroach infested apartment. I remember our rent was like $300. Like I was on, yeah, at a bus pass, everything. So he lost everything. So what was all this money at? What was y'all at? We were living in the Philippines at this time,

but before that, he's from France. He grew up there, he's a European guy, but his family was in hotels and a bunch of other stuff. And yeah, he squandered it. Like he was just a rich old playboy. And his sister didn't squander it. She's still, she's passed but her kids are like set up. They're billionaires and my dad was just stupid about his shit. He lost it all and...

Did you talk to your rich cousins? I tried and I think they see me as like some dirty peasant or something. I tried. He was like, oh yeah go go see my art gallery here. And that's like the only interaction I've had with him. So how much money did your mama get for the life insurance policy? Nothing. Nothing. Because he was stupid. My dad was so stupid with his money.

Well, she had a good white lasted. Yeah. Before, Ms. Pat goes, there was a couple, I wanted to do something before we go. Because I want to get to know her better, because I feel like, this is your third time on the podcast? Yeah. Right? I think that we're friends now, right?

So I want to pick your brains about things that you, you know what I mean, that you like. So. Okay. I like you, Bobbie Lee. I like you too. So could you recommend, like, what's your top favorite five movies?

Just the top of your head. Top favorite five movies. Titanic. Whoa, bing bing bing bing. I love the Titanic. Yeah, yeah, why? I don't know, Celine Dion just drew me in. And it's nothing like the people at the bottom of the ship

who was poor make their way to the top and fuck a rich white girl and float away on a float. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So. You think you would have survived it? The Titanic? There's 19... no. Why no niggas on that boat? There was paid tickets. There was paid tickets. There's no niggas on the boat. So Titanic? I would say Fridays, all of them. Right. Yeah, Fridays. Bad Boys. Are you looking for the new one or no?

I'm looking forward to the new one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know Martin? No, I'm getting ready to go on tour with him. You are? I love him. He's always been so nice to me, I love him. I never met him, but I get to meet him

when I go on tour with him. What else is a really black movie? So your favorite white movie is Titanic? Yeah. Give me another white movie you like. A white movie I like? I don't know, throw out some white movies. Avatar?

Avatar? That's not a white movie, that's a blue movie. That's not a blue movie. Stupid. So stupid. Alright, relax dude. Blood in, blood out? That's a Mexican movie. That's not a blue movie. It's stupid. So stupid. Come on, relax dude. Blood in, blood out? That's a Mexican movie?

No, no. Oh, okay. I like, I like. That blood in, blood out is great. It's a good point, but like, you know what I'm trying to say. Like Evergreen, have you heard of Evergreen movies that everyone knows? Like Notting Hill, rom-coms.

Yeah, yeah. Or like Shawshank Redemption. There we go. I like Shawshank Redemption. There we go. I like Shawshank Redemption. Okay, so I'm gonna throw you something, you say you like or not, okay? Okay. Shawshank Redemption, you like, right?

Yes. What about, did you ever see Taxi Driver? Taxi Driver? Taxi? No, Taxi Driver, it's in front of us, we'll move on. No, no. Yeah, yeah.

Taxi Driver. Elf. Elf, yeah. That's a white movie? Yeah. You like it? It was all right. Oh, okay. Elf. Elf, yeah. That's a white movie? Yeah. You like it? It was alright. Okay.

How about this? Did you ever see Get Out? Get Out, yeah. Good. Pretty good, right? Yeah, pretty good. Yeah, my boy did that. What's up, man?

Anyway. Okay. Cool. What's up, man? What's up, Jordan? What's up, dude? So, alright, so Get Out. I like how he turned black all of a sudden. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's my boy, dude. What's up? man? What's up, dude? So, all right, so get out. I like how he turned black all of a sudden. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's my boy, dude. What's up? Forrest Gump? Forrest Gump. That shit was funny. There we go. You like Forrest Gump? I do like Forrest Gump.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a great movie. Yes, that was a great movie. It's a magical movie. I don't care what anyone says. You know, I was just watching a clip with Tom Hanks, and they tried to get the little white boy to talk like him. But finally, they said, fuck it.

You need to talk. He said, let me talk like him. So that's why he, Forrest was talking like him. Whoa, the actor that got the kid. Cause they couldn't get, the little boy was so, like from Mississippi, he was so he-able in country, they couldn't get him to talk the way he needed to talk. So Tom Hanks said, fuck it, let me talk like him.

So that's why Forrest started to sound like him. Oh, that's, yeah, that's cute. Yeah. Have you ever met him? No, I haven't met him. Oh, great, he seems like a nice guy, huh? Who? Tom Hanks.

Yeah, his son loved black women. Yes, Chet. I love him. He's so attractive. He's in trouble. He is sexy. He is sexy, isn't he? He's sexy as fuck.

I think so too. I like black women too, what's up? He's sexy, isn't he? He's sexy as fuck. I think so too. I like black women too. What's up? He's sexy. Can I say this? I don't know if y'all watch season four of the Miss Pat Show, but y'all should watch it because on one of the episodes that my daughter and another writer wrote is we actually got white people playing slaves.

What was it though? Really? That was the hardest shit to cast. Nobody wanted to be a slave. Really? Yeah. Wow. I think my sister see you the clip. Is there a scene?

Yeah, there's a scene. I want to see it. Bring me my phone. I'll try to find it. She said she texted to you, but white people, it was the hardest shit to cast. That's so funny. I'll say it to you real quick.

Miss Pat, for the next season, can you give me a couple lines? I would like to play mailman or, you know. Milkman. Milkman, whatever, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or like a baker, you know. A cop. Maybe a cop.

What the hell are you talking about? On your show just want you to show this clip this is a funny Yes, you can be whatever you want. Yeah, you can't just do that. Can I just be whatever I'm gonna find you something If I'm fucking something man fuck you want to be on BET with me. Yeah. Yeah, I want to be on your show man fuck Don't say fuck. All right. Sorry. Is it episode? Can I ask Miss Pat something? Yeah, go ahead. Yes. Do you prefer IHOP or Waffle House?

Waffle House, I don't even know fucking IHOP. That shit is disgusting. Yeah, I mean, look, the new Waffle House, they fight in there. They ask people. They do, they do. And then you wait till the fight is over, they clean up. That's the best fucking food.

I'm telling you, you can actually get pregnant off the Waffle House. Yeah. I like to always like the Texas breakfast sandwich whatever with the Texas toast. I don't like that. That's too much bread. That'll give me yeast and fat. But I love that. That's what I get. What do you get from Waffle House? Oh, I usually get the All-Star. Yeah, I love fucking, and I like my eggs soft like titties, scrambled with cheese, and I like a little grit-scented cheese, and I take that shit ass sausage in. But they got new bacon now. Yeah, they got new bacon thick.

They got thick bacon. Oh, thick bacon. You like that. You like thick bacon? What's up? Yeah, I like thick bacon. Yeah, me too, man. What's up? Terry!

What's going on, baby? I need you to get in here, go out there and clean up half and get the hell up out my house. You can't just put her out on the street. I'm not. I'm going to put in the yard like Monday trash. She's staying here. You don't run nothing around here, boy.

Well, if you guys are kicking her out, then you're kicking all three of us out. Come on, Bug. Three for one coupon, bye. I am old enough to make my own decisions. I am a man. Oh, you a man? That's right. Then take my clothes off.

What? Like I said earlier, you ain't pay for none of that on your back. Now, run me my... Oh, Jimmy? Pat, the last thing this situation needs is a naked boy in the kitchen. Laughter Cute So funny.

It's so funny because it kind of looks like a sitcom. It is a fucking sitcom. I know, I know, but also the dialogue is something I've never heard before. It's fucking amazing It's real it feels real. You know what? Yeah, you know what? The great part about is like when you're comic yeah, and you get to ablib on Hold on you get the ablib on the spot. I'm gonna send you this real quick before I go. Okay. Well come get this

It's two more now, so give me two minutes Bob Lee, you can put me out. It's so real that like the finale which he was about to show, I don't really want to get into that, but people was writing me saying oh my god thank you for telling these types of stories because for years you know TV have just skimmed over shit. And they never tell the fucking truth. They get there, and then they don't tell the truth right. I think I'm telling it right. And that's why so many people gravitate. You don't have to be black to understand this. I think I go into every household with this show. We talk about, and it all has to do with with it has to tie back to a story and

98% of these stories tie back to my life. Mmm, and that's why people love them the most Everyone listening watch this is a fun This is one that we put in that do I don't even think the network notices It's a quick clip, but then you could play for a night get out of here Our Kelly and puffed Right here, here we go. Larry sent out Far Apart out of contractions. Ah! R. Kelly and Puff Daddy. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! They don't sound too far apart to me, Larry. Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo. That was an album. Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo. You show 4.8 and then I get out of here. Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, so funny. This is what I mean when they're high deep. That was an album. That's really good, yeah yo, yo. When you show 408 and they're like, get out of here. Yo, yo, yo, yo, so funny. This is what I mean when they're how deep we go. That was an album.

That was really good. And the network took out one of them because I said Puff Daddy, but this time, I mean I said P Diddy or whatever and they called it, but they didn't catch that. Oh, wow. So we got to keep it. That's it? Yeah, that's it. Thank God, thank God.

Give me another one. Let me put up with that. Give me a second. 408. Now this is, this actually, which was shocking about this scene, is it happened for my, for my two oldest two kids about their father. And when we showed it, I didn't think he was going to really do anything, but a guy with 4,000 followers posted this and got over 6 million views. Watch this.

Wow, wow. Hold on, Brandon. Wait up. Why can't you be trying to sneak out? Oh my gosh, ain't nobody trying to sneak out. I Watch this. Wow, wow. Hold on, Brandon. Wait up. I can't believe he's trying to sneak out. Oh my gosh, ain't nobody trying to sneak out. I'm leaving. End of discussion. Y'all been trying to stop me all day. I'm going to save my father's life.

So just drop it. That's it. Brandon, Lord is dead. What? That's low, Ma. That's real low, even for you. But I'm telling you the truth.

No, you're not. You're lying. He ain't dead. Brandon, you knew I wouldn't play like that? Yeah, but you are! You're just saying some shit to fuck with me, so just stop! Brandon, watch how you talk to your mama, son! Tell her to stop lying. This shit's not funny. I'm not lying to you! Trina just called me and told me he's gone! Wow. Wow.

Wow? That's all you gonna say, Ashley? That's all you gonna fucking say? She's gotta process her feelings too, Brandon, okay? Well, she don't! She wanted this to happen. Are you happy now? You got what you wanted. I could've saved him, but you wouldn't get out my way. You wanted him dead. That's not fair, Brandon. Yes, it is, because that's exactly what she said. I never said I wanted him dead.

Ashley, you wouldn't even get tested. You wouldn't even give him a chance. It wouldn't have mattered. There's nothing anyone could have done. He was dead before you even left the house. Just because of you. No, you don't mean that. Yes, I do.

Y'all, please stop telling me how I should feel. Y'all always telling me how I should feel. You won't even let me have my own feelings about my own father. You won't even let me want him to live. I never once told you how to feel about Lloyd. I just didn't want you going down there slicing yourself open for that man.

Well, guess what, Ash? He did. Just like how y'all wanted. I'm just the butt of everybody jokes, huh? But I never give anybody any problems. I always hold secrets, I always spare feelings, yet y'all walk all over me and I don't say shit about it because I love y'all.

All I just wanted was something just for me, just for one day. Just one day and y'all wouldn't even let me have that. You know what hurts even worse, Ashley? You ain't even giving shit about how I felt. You're so fucking selfish, I hate you. You ain't even giving shit about how I felt. You're so fucking selfish, I hate you. Oh.

You couldn't save him. So now you hate me. Cause I'm not gonna sit here and rewrite history on Lloyd's behalf. Now you hate me? Someone who actually cares about you? Someone who's been taking care of you with Lloyd was nowhere to be found? You hate me? Be fucking for real, Brandon.

Now you'll be fucking for real. How you gonna deprive this child of the very same thing that we never had? You fucked up, you know that? And you're a bullshit ass therapist too. Always talking about everybody else's trauma and shit, but you ain't never touched none of your own. So fuck you ass. No, fuck you.

No, no, no, no. Fuck you. Fuck you, you are literally yelling at the one person who is always at your back. Always and over, Lord of all fucking people. Are you serious? Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, come on now.

Ashley. Fuck you and fuck this. No, no, no, no. Ashley. Ashley, no, no? Hey, hey, baby, come on now! Ashley! Fuck you and fuck this! Ashley! Ashley! Ashley, don't! Come on! Pop, let her go! Ashley!

Let her go! Fuck off! You shut the fuck up and get up out of here, ass! Fuck up out of here! Hey, hey, hey! Brandon, stop, please! Get out of here! Please stop!

Come on now! Brandon! Give me a chance, mom! Brandon! Give me a chance, mom! Brandon! You gave a test, mom! Brandon. Oh my god. Get off me!

I'm out! I'm out! I'm out! Bro. Goosebumps. Now you know why we haven't got a multi-cam for two years. No, no, no. Bro, bro, bro.

No, no, no. You're not leaving yet. Hold on. You're not leaving yet. That's a multi-cam? Dude, comedy? Bro. You know, I was no no that. That was fucking amazing. That kid is a great actor by the way. Who's that? Who the fuck is that kid? So his name is Vince Swan, and he plays my oldest son. He's a goofball, a fuckup.

And he's always goofing around, so nobody ever seen him act like this. And this scene is actually pretty true, like I said, to my oldest daughter and my son. My daughter don't give a fuck about her daddy, my son kinda care about the daddy. And so my co-creator, they wrote it and they made it out of a whole scene.

But nobody ever seen Brendan like a fuck up. He's that kid on every show that just fucks up. And for you to see him and Ashley act like this, I tell you, it's a dude on the internet, thank you guys. He only had 4,000 followers. He got six million views off of this. And my phone is still going off. Everybody was like, holy fuck.

Holy shit, man. You felt it. That's him, Vince Swan. You felt it. Nobody in this room can't tell me that you didn't feel that fight and feel the love that he had for his daddy and the love that she had for him.

And everybody's like, why the fuck you made me cry this bad? I mean, that was one take. Wow. Wow. It felt like theater. Yeah. You know, the guy who, my co-creator is a theater person.

So this show runs like, you know, a lot of time you kind of feel like you just watching a good ass play. It felt like Fences, you know what I mean? Like I seen Fences where it's just like, you know, a lot of time you kind of feel like you're just watching a good ass play. It felt like Fences, you know what I mean? Like I've seen Fences where it's just like, oh shit, like this is a deep, it had that kind of impact. I'm telling you, I'm going to watch that show now. I've never seen anything like it. And let's get Ms. Patter-

Come on. Let's get Ms. Patter out of her closet. And also check out Ms. Patter Fettles it. Yes. She's got two TV shows. Come on! What's get Miss Pat out of applause. And also check out Miss Pat Settles It. Yes. She's got two TV shows. Come on! Woo hoo! What's the third?

I just finished season two of Miss Pat Settles It. So make sure y'all watch that when it comes out. Check that out too. Wednesday nights right now, I'm showing a few extra episodes from season one, but season two should be dropping towards, I guess September, October, sometime like that. Miss Pat, you're always welcome here, you know that.

Thank you, Bobbie Lee. We love you. Anytime you're in LA, please come by. And Bobbie Lee, I swear my hand to God, I love you. You've been a good friend. You always ride or die for me. And I promise you, as soon as I die, I'ma fuck you. That's the navel.

That's the navel. Thank you.