TigerBelly - New Years Family Special!

Episode Date: January 1, 2026

Thank you for riding with us this year! The chaos, the laughs, the uncomfortable moments, and everything in between. Nosotros Papaya to you, my friend! Happy New Year from the TigerBelly family 🐯���

Hey everybody, Bobby Lee here, and I'm very excited because I'm shooting my first special January 16th, 2006, January 17th, 2006, and it's at the San Diego Balboa Theater. We carry the flame. Is that better? Yeah. Okay. We carry the gays. Gays. Cary the gays.

And the administration. Is this a New Year's episode? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, Happy New Year. Happy New Year. Happy New Year. Happy New Year.

Happy New Year. Happy New Year. Happy New Year's. Happy New Year's. Happy New Year. Not yet. Not Chinese New Year yet. You know what, Kat?

When you do Chinese New Year's stuff, it's crazy. It's a crazy, it's Crazy Town USA. Oh, I'm Crazy Town USA. Yeah, I'll tell you why your Crazy Town USA is because you don't like Asians. I do love it. No, you don't. You like, whenever you're in this room, you get suspicious. I lost my virginity to an Asian guy.

Oh, what kind? Kevin Choi. He was Korean. So you're kind, brother. Was he full? He was a full guy, yeah. The full guy. Yeah, yeah.

And what was that like? It was, he had a big penis. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Exactly. But I was 14, so every week. Whoa. How old was he?

Yeah. 15. All right. He was 14, too. Yeah. Let's just keep it that. And when's the first time you lost your virginity? 22, man.

I'm not laughing Thank you I'm not laughing I'm not laugh I'm just full of joy I lost at 22 Yeah How did that?

I don't know about you How did that occur I'm feeling 22 How did that occur Just at the club What? I told you guys When I first came on

I lost my virginity at 22 Okay, but what club? It was just a club. It doesn't exist anymore, man. Damn. Wow, you're getting defensive. A nightclub? It was a night club.

Yeah. Was it in the bathroom? Oprah's book club? Oprah's Book Club? In Dallas. He went over there. Where was it at? Was it Oprah?

It was at 2009. But 22 is kind of a perfect age. It's a good age. It's a really good age. 2009, huh? The club is caught 2009. Oh, okay. How old were you?

You were in 2009. In the club, I was 22. How old were you at 2009? 2009, I had to be seventh grade. So whatever age, seventh grade is. 13. 13, I was 13. You know, I always thought you should be a mathematician.

You think so? That's my goal for my next year. No. No. What are you wiping? Pythagorean. Oh, you're still doing that whole COVID thing? No.

Oh, yeah, yeah. It's just a square plus B square plus C square, equal C square. what is going on that side of the room that's so easy tell us what it's about yeah i don't anything about the pathagorean what's a hypotenuse oh that's a pythosis a pythophysis a hypotenus tell us yeah yeah anyway um that's my show and i can divert i can distract it was like on a description yeah i don't know much about math to be honest with you but you don't remember like these terms that like write i was doing math When you're on meth, you're thinking about other things.

Am I right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. How do I build that pool in my backyard? It's not real, man. It's not real, dude. Life is not real. Yeah.

Yeah. I was, I saw a, I watched some chef's tables last night. Which one? Oh, chef's table. Kwan, what's her name? The monk? Yeah. Oh, she's great.

Are they great? Are they? I don't think she is he, she, or they are. I think she's, you know what I mean, just a she. She is a she identifies as a she. All monks are a little bit they, though. Interesting. Why?

Because they're bald. Oh. Neutral. Neutral. They're neutral. I see. Yeah. But what a great.

A lot of life lessons in that. I really am really curious to see if, like, the food she actually makes is, like, It's legit. She doesn't use garlic. She doesn't use onion. She doesn't do anything that, like, lights up the soul, right? It's not, like... Well, those are energy-based, um, um, um, seasonings.

Yeah. She doesn't use garlic, onion, um, chives, any of those things. Yeah. What? She's, no. Oh. You ever see that, Doc? I mean, I haven't, I haven't actually seen the episode.

Oh, it's so good. It's life altering. No garlic, no onion, no... Nothing that, like, yeah, nothing that is like hot, hot foods. Yeah, it's like, I don't know. The Hotch, yeah. Well, I mean, there was a New York Times writer, I forgot his name, but a columnist, and food-oriented, his columns. And he was in New York, and one day a chef called him and goes, Kwan is doing an exposition, exposition.

Eric Repair. Eric Repair said that, yeah. What a bright fella. Uh-huh. La Bernhard. Uh-huh. La Pal de Kuh. And that's pretty funny.

Thank you. New Year's energy, man. Real good energy. Dude, you're very monk-like tonight. You know why he has this energy? Why? He's been in L.A. for almost a week. Wow.

He's testing it out. You like it? Yeah. I heard something. I found out something really interesting. Can I finish the... Oh, yeah, sorry. Wait, wait, wait, what?

What I mean? Whoa, what? I don't know what she's going to say. Nothing. Are you more curious about what she's going to say or what I'm going to say? Be honest. Right now I'm trying to focus on you. All you're going to say, Kalina.

Wait, what? Yeah, yeah, go ahead. Let him finish. No, you do your first. So, Karina, his roommate over there, we had a long chat on Trash Tuesday, and apparently Heimette is not over his ex. Oh. Oh, no.

At all. What is going on here? Tell us about. You have an ex? How long was that for? Just like four months. Oh. Yeah.

Four months ago you broke up. No. We dated for four months, but we broke up like in April. And how did that happen? Long distance. Like, just I was like, I can't do this. You said that. Yeah.

Yeah. You're the one that ended it? Yeah. And you're the one that's not over it. Why are you not over it? Because I miss her. It's because I was on the road. So, like, you know, I'm talking about the road gig.

Did you feel like Ian gets it Did you feel like maybe You might have cheated on her No I mean If that time Like

I was like oh You know I was like Whatever happens Happens Yeah But Because she wanted a family

Already She wanted like You know Like the house The kids I know what a family Is actually Let have explained to

Yeah Yeah she wanted a family The white picket house You know It's a white Picket fence Yeah House can also be it

Yeah And then A white picket fence in the front Yeah Yeah Green grass Real grass Yeah

You know But I wasn't ready Why'd you look at my grass Because this is grass Fake grass But then She wants the real Grass

She wants the real grass I learned everything new from you You know You know what they say right It's touch grass Man Go outside Touch grass

Who says that They They do They do They do Okay The monks The monks

The amongst. The amongst among... Anyway, um... Anyway. What happened? Nothing. It's just... We just ended things, but I still think about her, so...

Oh, sweet love. Just like any other human being, I'm just like any other human. We have feelings. We have thoughts. He's explaining how thoughts work with humans, Steve. And, yeah, I still think about her. I called her the other day. But she didn't pick up.

Oh, wow. She called me back in the morning. It's bad. And then? I didn't pick up. I was saying, I can't keep going back. It's because she has a prison boyfriend now, so. Well, you don't know that.

It's just a pen pal, I thought. She has a prison boyfriend? She has a pen pal in prison. Oh. Yeah. Is that so they write each other letters? Yeah, and he sends her, like, little paper crafts. Paper cranes.

Paper cranes. Paper cranes. Paper cranes of like, like, I did it. Like, just like a little crick. And then I don't know how he gets it from prison to her house. But he does it. He finds a way and he does it. And then you couldn't.

I'm too lazy. I'm too lazy. I'm too dumb to even create a paper crane. All right, Bobby? He's got a lot of time on his hands to do a paper crane. He does have all day. He has all day. He has all day.

He does have all day. Yeah. So, Bobby, tell us about the spring onions in the chef's table. what do you think about all this I'll be honest with you I don't know if I can do this today because when I actually listen to the conversations because that's the first time

I really listened to all three of you talk the first thought that came to my head was what are we doing here what exactly is this Igerbelly brother I know brother a brother a brother brother I know what it is

right But I'm actually listening to the conversation. I just go, who is this for? Do you understand? Really listen. What is this? But when you see our audience live shows, you get it. Yeah, I get it then.

That's the audience. I get it then. But that's the first time I really listened, and I really went out of my mind. Could you date someone in prison? Let's say she hit all of your marks, but the only thing is, like, What was the crime?

What was the crime? Okay. So the crime is she lopped off her ex-boyfriend's penis, but he was abusive. Oh, that makes sense. But just the idea that that's an option for her? No. Okay. What about...

How about if he wanted her to do that? Okay. What about she assisted in what she considered what you call, assisted suicide? Like a Dr. Kavorkian. Oh. Is she ill? No, she helped people. die transition but like illegal how does she feel about it she feels as though people shouldn't

have to suffer yeah that's fine that's fine that's fine is that what that's called transitioning from like life to death some people call it that yeah yeah that's interesting she's like trans death don't it's not about that kind of trans that you're talking about oh yeah yeah it's a different kinds of trans I think from different transitioning to different realm yeah to film Transitioning realm Yeah, yeah That's cool But could you date someone

In there, in the pen? In the pen? Yeah. If she assisted Dr. Kvorkean and she I can't even believe my fucking answering this She's really hot

That's obvious. Yeah He's really smart See like she reads all the Okay, what kind of hot? Because she's got time What does she look like? Okay, here

I'll give you a Yeah A very pretty girl he dated I didn't date her Oh, you didn't She's friends on me. Okay, very pretty girl who friends zoned him.

I thought you guys held hands and went on dates. She held friends on. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Thanks for bringing that up. Sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. What is going on here, dude.

What a terrible year this is been. Listen, listen to what we're talking about, and you realize it was a terrible year. Yeah. This was a weird year for sure. Yeah, yeah. I just wanted to look up hot person. Oh, so, okay, so this really hot guy. These are guys.

That guy's crazy. That's a Lube guy. That's the French guy, right? Yeah, so he eventually married and happened. had kids with the air to Topshop. Oh, yeah. From Green. Yes.

Right. Green? Yeah, something like that. But Chloe is her name, his wife. And he married into a really insanely rich family. And then he left his baby mama who had stayed with him while he was in prison. Why did he? Oh, so he's still with the air?

Yeah, I think so. Look how hot he is. I'd stay with him. That's not enough for me. Is that a tear drop tattoo on a thing? Yeah. Yeah. Wow.

Wow. I kind of think that's hot. a tear drop. Let's go to the chives, maybe. And it's time for chive talk. Chive Talk with Bobby Lee. Yes, you're right. Chloe Green.

Chloe Green. Yeah, but Topshop went under, actually. It did go under. I liked Topshop a lot. But I like... You know what? Here's what it is. Keep talking.

I want to learn. I want to know how this works. I have a comment. I think that... You never see women with tear drop tattoos, right? It's always men. No. I think women should have more tear drop tattoos.

What do they get him for? Is it for each, like, body? Each body to catch. Some murder. They catch them? It's a term. It's like a slang term. I'm going to catch a body, you know?

Oh. Like catch a fade? Yeah. Like catch a... You see your op in the street? Yeah. I'm going to drop his body. A drop that I get.

And you stand over them like, da, da, da. And then you get a teardrop tattoo after that? You can get a drop. He doesn't have a gun. He's just like, Ta, that, that, ta, ta, ta. Stand over with them dead bod.

It wasn't a handgun. It's like, It's like, It's like, M13. It's like, it's a Rambo gun. Yeah, yeah. Stand over with them. With a semi-automatic.

Semeromatic. You look old. But you don't see women going, Tata, ta, ta. No, you hear them go. Ta-t-ta-ta-ta. Because that right there is a squirt gun or whatever where you're doing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I thought you were sitting back. Okay, you're all right. Absorb, absorb. What else I meant? And then? Catch a body. It can mean two terms. Catch a body.

Like, you fuck someone. That's also a catch a body? Yeah, like lockers. Use it in a sentence. We're hanging out. Hey, Bobby. Last night I was with this chick. Well, you have the headphones on so you can hear me.

Tchay Tush Hey Bobby Also this chick last night And we got it on And I You know Caught her body

Doesn't sound right Yeah that sounds scary We got it on It was crazy That sounds like you had sex With her new one Bobby Oh I don't like that either Okay I don't know

I don't say stuff like this Ripped her a new one is not the term I would use Ripping someone a new one is like You got it Like you scolding them Not having sex with them term. They don't go like, dude, this guy just ripped me in you one.

You've never, you've never said that. I would never know, you would blow my, other terms we can, you know, blow my brain. Yeah, back, you're back. Blow your back. Oh, yeah, blow my back. He blew my back. You're black. You're black out? That's crazy. Oh, the kids say.

The black guy blew my back out. Is that right? Did I say that right? How about blow my face? Or the kids, they say, oh, man, I rearrange. her guts last night. I don't like that either. Is that an aim? That's not me. I don't say stuff.

I just hear this stuff. Where are you? You never rearranged anywhere. Neither have you. Have you? Have you? Yes, I have. You rearranged guts.

Yeah. I hooked up with a girl and she goes, I went to the doctor and my heart's in my shoulder. That's what the shit. You fucked me so hard. You fuck me so hard. My heart's in my shoulder now. we had to do a whole operation you fucked her good

is that what you said I feel like the only guy who would say who would talk like that is obviously a gay guy like still in the closet totally like there's only one type of guy who like overtly talks about sex like that it's like oh this is what I did bro and it's usually a gay guy who is not out yet

dude if Peter Kim said that to me ever I rearranged her fucking guts Peter Kim that's good I feel like that would be gross if a guy said that to me. He was like, oh, I rearranged your guts last night. Gross. Seems violent.

It makes me, like, feel like I have to poop or something. Yeah. Is there something that turns you guys on that? Yeah, kindness. Tenderness. Yeah. Kindness. Who I penetrated her kindly?

Yeah. What do you want? I don't want to, like, I just don't want someone, like, describing what they've done to my body to someone else. That's weird. Oh, to someone else, no. Yeah. Like that locker room talk is still, like,

thing that's so weird I want some guy to be like I just want you to rest yeah here's a pillow here's a I just want you to shh sleepy bye bye here's a snack a little sweet treat a little sweet treat don't worry you're not going to get fat yeah yeah but if you do

I like them fat too I like a fat too yeah but he can do that like two times and then y'all can be like oh that's too I chopped up your calamari dog that's something I would say gay I'm going to eat you out like a mango. Oh, God, your face, too.

I've never used that. I'm going to write that. I'll make you out like a mango. It's that thing, dude. Oh, that's crazy. Mangoes are delicious. I stuck an IED in her vat and went off. Oh, IUD is okay.

And it went off like a bomb. Oh, you mean IED? Yeah, that's what I meant. Oh, I think it's an IUD. I'm going to put a birth control. I'm going to put birth control in you. Copper IUDs don't explode. They prevent babies.

It's like the hurt locker. Geez, the vagina isn't. Every time I use that term, they laugh, and I'm like, why are they laughing? I guess I'm saying it wrong. Yeah. Yeah, that's nice. Tell me more. Chop me up some shrimp fried rice.

Keep going up She did it An Asian guy Walk I want to walk What would a What would a girl say After like if they did

Like did some damage We hooked up That's it That's bullshit How about locker room talk with women Let's see You're in the locker room You're in the locker room

You're at We spa No you're at Wee Spa Equinox Okay equinox You're in equinox You had a nice yoga session I don't know what they do there

But, and then you're in the locker room. Tell me. Okay, go ahead. Hi, Mae, you're a girl. I'd be like, oh, my, that guy, I saw you walk out with him. What happened? Well, he, um, he went down on me and he almost made me come. Oh.

That's so ridiculous. I think you're misunderstanding that. Here's a locker room talking. No, no. No. What you did. Wait a second. No, no.

I think I got it. No, no, no, no. You know, what you would say about a guy that you did. Okay, okay, okay. Equinox and cut. Okay, go ahead. Action of me. Can I say we walk out with that guy?

What happened? You guys hook up? I've railed the shit out of him. Mm. And he came in his own face. I don't know. Okay. Your turn down.

I don't think we do that. Do you guys ever? All right. I want to see. Well, I, okay. here. I'll tell you... Are you proud of making a guy come? Do you guys... Oh, no, you guys... Well, that's not

a flex at all. I made him come. Yeah, it's like it's a gift. He's gonna do that. Yeah, I blow on it and he'll get there. Well, guy came on my kneecap, remember? Oh, yeah. I didn't remember. Was that me? Bobby doesn't remember doing that.

Was it? I've done it before, but not to you. It was a really hot, like, guy, and also, he wasn't porn and um i was on vacation and we met up and he was like this i i just had expectations in my head but i knew it was over when he was like um i don't i don't live to eat i eat to live because he was like a gym bro and i was like that already turned me off but then i was like fuck it i'm here let's hook up yeah and then he like touched my legs and apparently my legs were too

um much for him and then he like nutted on my kneecap yeah your knees your legs oh my god we're great. But now, but back in the day, dude, oh my God. Ooh, la, la, the best legs in the business. I've never had legs that have made a man nut on my knee. But then to that, when I would describe...

Let me describe your legs. Oh, here we go. Like string beans? Like bumpings, string beans. You got good legs. Jane Goodall like. What the heck? Like, I can see you bend down,

pet a monkey. Why are you? They're furry? Like a monkey? Like a furry? Three legs like a monkey. Come on think about it. I'm thinking about it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Does it ring true? I mean, she is, actually, Jane Goodall's. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Is she, but wouldn't win. Look at that. You kind of do look like her. In between those two photos.

Leaning more to the left side. What the hell? More to the left side. I say about right, but, um, I say love cat. I got Jane Goodall legs? I mean, you're a Jane Goodup type of white. Okay. You know what I mean?

Very pretty, cat. Very pretty. but in a natural way. She looks like the old lady in the Titanic. Okay, let's move on. Okay. There we go. Oh, yeah, that's my ex-boyfriend.

Yeah. But, I mean, look, I mean, look, nice legs. I vibe with that. Yeah. Oh, they do look furry a little bit. Do you see? Well, she's out in the, you know, I mean, in the wild. She doesn't shave.

Yeah. But she was hot, huh? She was hot. She's very pretty. And wise. Cool. Anyway, so, you didn't finish. here's what I want

here's what I wanted okay okay hypothetically I wanted to hear what a girl would say about a guy and what he did much akin to like you know I mean

I rearranged their insides or whatever that was I think that what we do probably like we just but make it up I flossed my teeth with his pub and what did you do no you went

like that that's what you did too we're lost we're lost we're getting we're getting out of the locker room. Let's go back to chives. Let's go back to chives.

I didn't even heard your chives though. Let's go back to chives, parsley, mint. Chives and quag. Green onions. It's all this spicy. Oranges, bananas, fruits. Let's talk about the new year. Let's reflect on the past year.

What can't I fit it to chives? Okay, sorry. He wants to talk about the chow. Now it's lost all momentum. No, it's still there. Weird, even. Tell us the chive life. Sweet potato.

Junk Juan. Junkwan. Bakedable chives. Okay. So a New York Times writer was in New York. And the chef, what's his name again? Eric Repair. Eric Repair, one of the greatest chefs in the world called this New York Times.

I was like, he goes, I heard you rejected, because she's doing a little performance. And I heard you didn't want to go. He's like, I'm so busy, dude. And it's like a monk. What am I, you know what I'm going to go there? And Repair goes, it's life change. And so he goes If Repair it says to go he went

And he tasted the first dish This New York time colonist from this monk And he goes I need to go to Korea and be with her And it changed his life Wow And she I'll just give you another example

How beautiful this thing He At one point he's in her monastery And she goes take a walk with me you know ching chung language all right hi man I knew I'd get you with that dude you and I see out of eye with racism

hey racist sorry what you're sorry about that's your heart that's your heart okay but he takes her to she takes him to

like a creek like a little far away from the monastery and the um you know you can hear the insects and the birds and the and the and the creek crackling you know the frogs and the yeah yeah there were frogs how about this at this point from the story no animal noises don't add animals that weren't there okay wait you said those frogs don't crackle brooks babble What is happening? Cololo's doing a poem.

This guy's ribbiting. I don't know what cat's talking about black guys. I'm so cute. Happy New Year. I just, okay. Happy New Year, dude. Happy New Year to everybody.

I just never read like the Crackling Creek. I've always heard of Babbling Brook. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Crackling fire, maybe? Yeah, crackling fire. There was no fire. I used the wrong. You know what I mean?

Hello. Taka. A monk. Anyway, can you push pause on that, please? and he whatever I'm about to say right now is going to have no impact because of all the things

that said before but I'm going to say anyway and she goes she goes listen and you know two minutes you know I mean he listened

and in English she goes orchestra and it was a message of mindfulness and being in the moment and really listening to nature

And when I saw the document, you know, so I was with a lady in my bed, we're watching it on, and we both started to cry. That's really special. Yeah. What does orchestra mean to you? That, in this day and age with social media and our gadgets and this and that, it's a bunch of fucking noise that we're not even, we don't even listen, right? And here, nature, right, is beautiful just by listening, if we choose to listen. Yep. Right.

And it's very grounding. And you have to imagine these monks, they don't have internet. They don't watch TV. They wake up at 6 in the morning. They cook for their other monks and they meditate and they have these routines. And just very grounded and living here. And I don't know, I thought it was a beautiful fucking moment. Yeah, it is.

Now, I know that it's a comedy podcast, and I know that we hit a wall now. What about the chives? Where do those come in? One of the chives in there. Well, it's an energy ingredient. And it doesn't bode well with meditation and peacefulness. So she doesn't use garlic, chives, onions, these kind of pungent ingredients, right? Because they disturb, although she said that they're beautiful and delicious, you know what I mean?

But for a monk, they use soy and other more peaceful, you know what I mean? And the amount of things that she can make, and they're also very simple dishes. Look up the lotus flour tea. Oh, yeah. beautiful And it's a photo Where is she now

She's in Korea She's in hell You know I mean There's some fraud in her life I'm kidding She's still alive And she's in Korea

At the monastery So this This guy Damn See he It's just a lotus flower In warm water And the way she does it

When he drank it It changed his life he goes, it's just more than water. It's the subtlety of a floral quality, and he had never tasted anything like it. It drove him to go to Korea to live with her. And anyone listening, if you have Chef's Table, third season, first episode,

it's a very strong episode when it comes to mindfulness and being in the moment, and really life-changing. for me and it's the way I want to live my life yeah no okay no what are your projections for this next year yeah for yourself I'll tell you this um since we're in serious mode we sorry I just can't help it sometimes I go into it anyway Wait, what did you say? What?

I forgot what you said. I didn't say nothing. You were going to get into your projections first. That's what I asked. Oh, okay, sorry. Yeah, yeah. What's wrong with you? Nothing.

What's wrong with you? She asked the question that you did a model log. Yeah, and then I forgot that I even asked the question. I mean, do you live in Zanadu? Like, what's up with the glasses? Oh, come on. They look cool. They look cool, man.

The Rayband. Can I get up there? Are those meta? No, they're not They're just raven Yeah Pretty cool Funky

Thank you Yeah Funky town Funky town You know what This is kind of An orchestra A little bit

Right Mm-hmm What is Too much noise Yeah Yeah I mean Do you want to have

Some silent time No No No We've never done That on the spot Let's avoid that Let's avoid that

For the listeners Wait Go on with your projection I will Okay God Sorry.

What is going on here? God. I want to go on my pace. Okay, sorry. Yeah? I have no idea what is going on here, dude. Go, man. Right?

All this talk about jumbling innards, and I have no idea what's going on here. Jumbling innards. Yeah. Jumbled his innards. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a good one. What? I cracked his creek.

Yeah. Yeah. Now you're thinking. Thinking, doing the improv when we did it, not now. Anyway, God, talk about lackadaisical mind. All right. Cam ready. Good to see you.

Honestly, I don't have a plan and I don't care. Amazing. That's awesome. Honestly, I don't, you know what this last year? Something happened to me. I don't care. Now, I care about my life and my loved ones. and I care about what I'm doing from day to day moment to moment.

But when it comes to outside noise and the things that... Like, I haven't read a comment in a year. I don't care what people say about me. I'm completely out of it. Like, I don't really, truly don't care. You've ascended. I don't know if I've ascended. I'm just like, I don't care.

But that is ascending. Yeah. I think that you're just, like, you know, being... Because in the last five, six years, You know what I mean? I would read things and get all fucking huffy, puffy about it. And I just kind of woke up and I'm like, I'm not doing this anymore. Yeah.

You know what I mean? And it's made my life, you know, and I have friends that are comics that read still. And they come to me and they're like, oh, my gosh, he read that on Reddit or whatever, and this and that. And I'm like, what do you, I don't even know how to get on Reddit. Yeah, we know. You know that, right? I don't know how to long on to it. I don't know how to do it.

And it's like, I could learn. but I know that it's a place of pure pain. Yeah, it is. So I go, what are you reading that for? It has nothing to do with you. Amen. You know what I mean? And it's like you're too afraid of losing things, right?

But you know what? I have nothing to lose. Because it's like all these things that I said, oh, I want a film career or, you know what I mean? or Hollywood and this and that, I've already had a funeral with that. You know what I mean? Today I got a call from somebody and going,

so-and-so, big star, wants to do a movie with you? Do you want to do it? I go, not really. You know what I mean? And they're like, it's a good script. I go, oh, well, maybe, I don't know. Because if I do it or don't,

it's not going to change who I am or where. I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be and I love my life you know what are you clapping about that's nice yeah that's really it took me 30 years to get there every day I was consumed about my career and where I'm going

then this and that and if I if we all everyone in this room took a step back we're all doing well we're healthy we have loved ones not to say that I'm not going to pursue comedy in this podcast I will continue to do this for the rest of my life

but it's like you know when people like do I ask rarely do I ask what are the numbers right? I don't care if you say 10 people are now listening I'll still do it because we did it for free the first time a couple years yeah yeah

Gilbert what's the difference a lift driver yeah no I mean that's being said, you know, I don't know if I, and I pray that I'm going to, I will be like this, that if, for instance, there's a huge slippage in my career and I can't make money, the only fear would be at that point is what else would I do? But I think that I'd figure it out. And I love animals. I love, um, you know, honestly, I want to do. So, you know, you know, you know, turaniums. I'm watching those YouTube videos

Yeah, yeah So I contacted a guy that does terraniums And I go I don't even know how to get started But I want to build one For what kind of animal Like you have like little Like spider monks

Or whatever I don't know what they're called Spider monks A spider monk A frog Yeah like little spit frogs Or whatever Oh like cricket

Like crickets Like a trerianian My favorite's this guy Not that big He's called ants Canada He just stores ants everywhere Yeah yeah I don't want a trinium that big

Filipino. Yeah, yeah. That's too big. Oh, like millipedes and stuff like that. Yeah, but I would like to have... Can you do one with just roly-pollies? Oh, that'd be good. Yeah, I'll have a roly-poly one.

That's a good one. Just rolly-poly. Because, like, everyone does, like, I don't like the whole exotic game, because I feel like that's, like, not... That's cruel. Yeah. To keep, like, exotics from different lands and, like, an enclosed thing in your home for what? Just to kind of watch them.

It seems cruel to me. but roly polis seemed like maybe they would like those right there you're like roly polly's fucking yeah yeah but you know

that I have an interest in I've always been interested in that there's other things that I've Do you get to go inside it? No you're not going to go inside I want to live with them Can I tell you a horror story? Tell me a horror story about roly polis

No about just like Terrarians The roly Polly 1964 massacre I was in college and this guy couldn't take care of his two basclicks they're like these

like those lizards that run across water they like Jesus lizards they call him and I knew nothing about basclicks so I was like but I didn't want him to die I didn't want him to just ditch him so I was like hey dude I will take care of these basclicks and I had already like a rescue tarantula

named Charlie that I was like caring for and he was a desert tarantula that we had rescued. And I also rescued, anyways, rescue animals. My roommate at that time, my theory is that she took

like a roach killer and she killed all of my animals in one weekend that I was gone. Can we need another name? She needs consequences. I can't prove it as why. I can't prove it, but when I left,

they were healthy. I was gone for like a day and a half. I'm going to rearrange your insides. Yeah, but not the good kind. But not in a sexual way. Yeah, yeah. And they were like happy and robust and healthy when I left

when I came back they were all dead and I really to this day thinking like she killed them did you confront her? I asked her what happened she was like well I don't know

she played but then we were already kind of not on good terms because I was suspecting things like she would leave the house with like head to toe like in my clothes and like not tell me about things

so like there was already some like strain there what does that mean head to toe like she wore my hat my socks my underwear and I'd be like I know what is the hell underwear everything

it was weird there was some weird things happening with her so I suspected that she killed my animal what do you shock to me what do you shocked about did she ask you it's weird right who cares who cares the underwear if somebody wore all head to toe right tell me you show up to the comedy store you see Jaime there he's dressing all your clothes

your underwear I would laugh I would laugh too because I can't wear him again it'd be so stretched out to clothes in your face dude just don't do it then you know I heard it I just ignored it. But you know why? Because you're practicing mindfulness.

Oh. You're ascending too? You're ascending. Yeah, to the third eye or something. Or something. Third eye. Yeah. What does third eye mean to you?

Exactly. Exactly. He can count. Guys, he can count. Guys, I can count. And I can. Only to three, but that's great, dude. Wow.

So that happened. Yeah. Yeah. I have some gossip. Oh, I want to know. But I can't name names. Okay. Okay.

Make them up. We'll cut them out. Does it involve like animals passing away because that bums me out? Yeah. It involves comedians. Okay. With animals? I'm sad.

There's no animals involved. Okay, good, good. Jesus Christ. Go back. His third eye is open. God, your eyes are still open right, right? You're third? Hmm?

Go on, go on. No, go on. No, no. Never mind. Never mind. Jesus. Christians. Wait, tell us.

Do you say Christians? Oh, yeah. Remember he was moaning and he's like Christians? Last episode. The blue chudeau ad? He thinks about that. I think there's a delay. I realize today there's a delay in this room.

With all of us. With everybody. Everyone. No, because I'm drinking coffee. Okay. That's my coffee. I was laugh at it because he's a Christian and he's like a moaning for a blue chude ad. Oh, yeah.

Oh. Oh, George? No. Gilbert. And then you're like, Christians, come on. Yeah, yeah. Will you not bring his religion into this? Go ahead.

Talk about your story. I don't even know what I was talking about. The gossip, the gossip, yeah. We have to tread lightly. Tread heavy, it's okay. I'll take care of you. Hey, Kat and I may have some New Year's resolutions. Oh, they're for you.

Yeah, we're perfect the way we are. Yeah, they're New Year's resolutions for you. Maybe you can come up with New Year's resolutions for us. After you hear theirs. All right. Who like to go first? All right, I'll go first. Bobby, Bobby Lee, Robert Lee.

Robert E. Lee. Go ahead. Fascinating. Read more. That's a good resolution. Read books. I don't know. Drink less Red Bull

It's bad for you Hey Eat some greens Eat more chives I like these I know that you care The little things between The haze and all that stuff

And the clit The this And the clapping And it snaps Right Yeah I know that one Yeah Can you resort from doing that

Okay yeah Yeah yeah Because it doesn't seem real When you're Okay read more drink less Red Bulls is bad for you eat more greens for your diet

if you don't eat greens right now I'm sorry how do you know that I don't know I eat a lot of greens well you farted and I smelled it and does it smell greeny smells unhealthy greens will help you

but your digestive system okay damn maybe find love like everybody that's nice yeah yeah that's a good one yeah

and uh just don't overwork yourself there you go that's a good one relax take take take a life day by day you know Andrew does clay man

go to say take a life day by day he said take life take a day by day catch a body catch a body day by day catch a body every day you know

Just be cool Be Bobby Be who you are Be true to yourself Yeah, that's mine Just enjoy life People Whoever

Can we address some of them or Um Take a book I know you read But Yeah you read a book I can throw the whole list back

I mean for a guy that's never read a book to tell somebody now you haven't what books have you read lately me or Bobby you

not lately who has but read a book most recently because last time when I went to bed I was reading Scott Galloway's new book and I really like it I don't know who that is

but that sounds impressive so um thank you cat okay um don't beat me up when you see me damn bro Jesus impossible okay um let me hug you sometimes intimacy receive love receive love how about we start that now right we to hug you okay can I hook you get in here

shot here make it be sincere Bobby just don't do a bit lean in don't do the ass out thing okay there's no bad

all right that's nice that's nice that's very nice okay so don't be uh more hogs go ahead okay um i think you can be kinder to yourself

and not be so um hard on yourself especially when you perform comedy you're your own worst critic and you're very exceptional so just think about that and maybe get your butthole checked because last time we looked at it, it looked a bit off. It was darker.

The color was a little bit odd. Colonoscopy. Colonnoscopy. What color should it be? I don't think it's... The original. Yeah, yeah. Original color.

Yeah, what it was before. What was it before? Not that. Okay. Describe to me what it was because I don't look at it. Okay, so what it was before and after. There was more of like a uniformity.

It was like, okay, there was a gradual darkening. But then you're like, oh, that's not like alarming in any way. Like, because that part's supposed to be a little bit darker. But what happens now is like there's white skin and then boom, there's like markedly dark, dark, dark skin. Like, but not just your asshole, but like the whole area. So it's like shocking. Let me talk to you about you think that the elevator in the shining is red. It is because of all that blood.

Do you think you have a lot of blood there? No, I'm just saying it is that when a certain color goes through an apparatus or an opening, eventually that opening will turn that color. Slight stain, yeah. Thank you. So is it what's going in through? What? What happened?

Pooh. Pooh. Pooh. Oh, poo. Shit, going through my asshole. The shit going through your ball sack and to your dick, because that area has also gotten really dark. Is it a BBC now? Yeah, it's British broadcasting.

Cock. Okay, let's move on. Keep going, Kat. Okay. Bobby has a call in like four minutes. Okay. You know what? I'm going to do the call on Tiger Valley.

Okay. Let's do business on Tiger Valley. Have a kid. Maybe that. So it could be fun for you? I already said that. Oh, you said have a kid, too. No, or I said,

Fine Love. Oh, fine love, okay. That's different, I know. Having a kid is level up from that. And then, oh, maybe try, well, this is going to make him mad, but cigarettes. It's not going to make me mad. You know, I've been really thinking about it. Really?

As of late, yeah. Yeah, because it's just, you need to be, it's better for you. Try quitting. Yeah. Quitting. I think so, too. And you know what? Those were better than Hymeis.

You're welcome. Yeah, yeah. What's wrong with mine? read yeah the book fit not personal enough that wasn't personal enough this one she cares

yours is like what the fuck you're talking about be kinder it was one of you I said being like I am nice I am nice to yourself

I am nice to myself you don't think I'm nice to myself no okay oh then you okay tusha what I say about that It's my new thing I'm doing it on stage Oh

Are you really? Oh yeah Yeah Okay Do you have one for me? I didn't make a list no Yeah I don't have a list for you either

Thank you Yeah Did you give us New Year's resolutions Give us Give some new comics I never thought about Dot about it

But I can just Try to think of stuff Okay All right hi I may Be less jiggly Okay Oh my gosh

I love that. I'll take that one too for me. It's just too jiggly, your emotions. Okay. Motion, motion. That emotion, motion, while he's in motion. Oh, you know what I'm trying to say. It's offensive.

It's like, I'm in the green room, right? I hear a jiggle. Right? I know who's coming in the room. It's me. And if you want to hear it, I can do it. You know what I'm eating a mango. Yeah, yeah.

And it's a vagina. Yeah, yeah. Because it's a mango. So don't be as jiggly. Okay. Okay. Number two, pace yourself comedy-wise. You want to get there.

But not now. I mean, when you were at the ice house earlier day, you were saying that... That's locker room. That's a green room talk. It's not green room talk, Bobby. It's not green room talk, man. I did 36 minutes on stage, and immediately, this is what you said. Yeah.

When I was here, I did 36 minutes. He did? He said 37. Yeah, you did 37. and you were trying to one-up me. Oh, I just... Yeah, yeah. You know, I'm trying to tighten my set

because I'm about to do a special, right? So there's no fluff in it. Not that there was fluff in your 37 minutes. No? Tight? No, it's not tight. Fluff? Tight, ten minutes on oranges,

but I loved every minute of it, so... You know, I'm sorry, Colonel. I was going to say... I want everyone to know what George Kimmel has become, all right? Positive. No, no. What George Kimmel, and Gilbert can attest to that, right? Okay.

George Kimmel is now Tom Hanks in the Elvis Presley movie, all right? And Jaime is Austin Butler, right? It's crazy to say. It's crazy to set, right? Hot. And you see something in him Elvis-like. Cha-ching. So I want to know what you see in Elvis here.

A natural. Oh, okay, natural. You see a natural. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And so you're putting all your money on it. Potfish every day. Yeah.

Fortfish. You're going to be a star. Yeah, yeah. That's incredible. That's also like Tom Hanks' like the worst role he's ever. Like ever. Like I'd never. It's a terrible angle as well.

He was great. Austin Butler. Austin Butler, yes. I think the best betrayal, though, was Chalomey and a complete unknown. I think so, too. Yeah, you didn't see it. For the umpteenth time, I called you right after I saw it. How good it was he?

So good. Yeah, yeah. What? Okay. Now, here we're going to close up. We're going to do the Zoom call. I don't know what it is about, but we've never done this. Let's experiment.

Who are we calling? I have no idea who this. It's a business call, isn't it? It's a business call. Uh-oh. Let's just see what happened. Bobby Lee, how are you? I don't see anybody.

Anyway, I'm here. You guys are all on my podcast right now. FYI because I'm in the middle of a podcast. Hi, Mike. This is being recorded and projected to the world. Shall we let you get back to your podcast? Yes, thank you so much. I love you guys.

Thank you so much for being involved. I appreciate the commitment to the meeting, no, Bobby. Bye, bye. What happened to be in the ape lady? All right, so I'm doing a special for Hulu. In the special, there's a gorilla in it. Right? And cats playing a character.

it. I also need a gorilla in it. And you know, I was going to go to central casting and find somebody. But I think that we have guerrilla types in the room. You know what I mean? I mean, my number one guy that would be the best gorilla is Alex. Alex is... Oh, yeah.

You know what I mean? The body shape. The body shape and also his his brain's not fully developed. She's crazy. He updates on his music and his film choices. Oh, because of his... It's the, you know, if you ever want, everyone listening right now, if you ever want a suggestion to see a movie or what's the new band to listen to,

do not call Alex. Yeah, yeah, it's gutter. But I love you as a human, you know what I mean? But, you know. Or as an ape. I love you as an ape. Yeah. But anyway, does that make you mad what I just said?

I know you disagree. He does. I disagree with him. You know, all right, so let's do some guerrilla auditions. Okay. All right, so go ahead, Jaime. I'm ready. You go first.

Are you going to slate? And, yes, slate your name, set your name? Okay, what's the script? What do you want me to do? Is Jaime Garcia? I'm here to play gorilla. You don't know what a slate means? Yes.

What does it mean? Oh, no. Jaime Garcia, I'm 5, 6. There we go. 300 pounds. And I'm auditioning for a gorilla on Robert's Lee special. Okay. And action.

who, who, who, who, who, who, who, ho. What else? Cut. Wow. That was, the last, who was good. Very good. Gilbert. And, say, please.

Hi, I'm Gilbert Golan. Oh, Hollywood. I'm with, uh, buckwalled talent. Uh, who? Whatever. Buckwold talent. Is that a part of UTA or one of the other? Uh, it's just me.

I'm buckwad. I'm buckwad. I'm, my own agent. Okay, so, and, um, action. Oh, oh, oh, oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, oh. Wow. Buckwall talent.

That is Buckwall talent. That is Buckwall talent. Hey, my assistant. Oh, excuse me. Write down Buckwall talent. That's a really good talent. Buckwall talent. Yeah, yeah, yeah, really good.

I love the intention. And, um, Alex. Get on the mic, Alex. All right. My name's Alex Acosta. I'm 5-6-2-40. What talent agency? I'm with Gilbert Galan's

Talent Agency. Buckwaltz. Buckwaltz. Can you look up Gilbert? Anyway, and action. Wow. How to practice as a gorilla.

The tag was crazy. The tag was crazy. I'm a gorilla guy. That's awesome. You're selling yourself too much. Too hard. Thank you. That was really good.

Explagrilla. I'll take it. Okay, next one. George T. Kimmel. With Buck Wild Town. Wait, no, wait. Thank you for coming. Already lost it.

Thank you for coming. Thank you for coming. When I'm in the room, you know, when I'm in the room. Sir, get out of the room. We have other people I'm just. Thank you for coming. Anyway, so what's your name? He's not doing it.

I'd like to re-audition You don't get to read it I'm with Buckwold I think the role goes to George Kimmel Wow Yeah yeah Hey y'all

Who You know what Yeah give me yours I'm sorry We buy by here George No no Yeah you have to That's a big uphill

In comedy The last one has to be the funniest They were so good I was like I had to break stuff I think And George please And action Howdy George T.A. C.Cummel from

Buckwild Talent Agency Buckwold I'm from Buck Wild Oh there's two He's from Buck Wild Competing Competing agency

Me Mongo Me like banana And Humping Gilbert here Oh shit Oh wow Oh he's jumping Hi.

Holy shit. That was crazy. You got the job. Facebook, you know what you said? I have a question. I have a question for you. Why when the broken glass went flying, did you feel like you had to get on your knees and clean it?

Because I don't like shattered glass. And I saw liquids flying all over the place. Sorry. It's because they were so good. I didn't know what else to do. That's good. It was a lot. I think everyone did really well.

I think everything very good. So how do we close out at the beginning? Is there a message we can send to the fans, Kalila, to the Tiger Belly world? About? Just, oh, hey, don't put that on me. You should. Just say one quote or something. Oh, like a New Year's quote?

Yeah. A New Year's quote. Oh, I don't believe in resolutions. It's not a resolution, a quote. A quote. No, you believe in quotes. Himey, do you have a quote for everyone? Yeah, give us a quote, Jaime.

For the new year that we can work off of. I got a quote recently. Should I read it? Yeah, I love quotes. Okay, here. Okay, this one's pretty good. Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end, but it is perhaps the end of the beginning.

Okay. Okay. Does that make sense? I get it. Okay, let's all do one quote. Oh, I just wanted to recommend. Does anybody watch a show or a movie at the New Year's? Can you say that properly?

Does anybody watch a show or a movie at New Year's kind of to inspire them? Just for Christmas. I don't really watch like New Year movies. Gossip Girl for me. Ooh, good one. Being there. Oh, being there is a great one. Into Stedler?

It's Bobby's favorite. You don't understand. Yeah, I do. Every time you say interstellar, I don't even understand it. I understand it. Okay. Watch it again. All right, Matthew McConaughey.

All right, all right, all right. All right, all right. I would love to see that crying scene. You know, that famous meme with Matthew McConaughey. But Jaime do it. Hyman McConaughey. Oh, with the kids on the screen? Yeah, he's on the screen and he's crying.

can you do with that scene yeah I have to watch it work on it next thing you come back no no no no play it now make sure you slate your name too yeah don't you think you want to see you want to see Jaime's acting chap

yeah oh yeah we tested him on trash Tuesday yeah yeah he's so good you write a line from White Lotus yeah he's so good this guy wait which line what character the favorite one Sam Rockwell's when he's telling Walter Goggins about getting

watch your scene yeah hold on this okay So, okay, so memorize, write down, that, that, write down, right down, right down, okay, all right, stop. He's so good. He's so good. All right. You're very good.

So write down her, hi, dad, can you find that lyric? And then you're going to do the scene. Okay. All right. So write down her lyrics, hey, dad, all that stuff. And then stay in it. You haven't seen her in, what? Okay. She hasn't seen you in 40 years or whatever.

You let me miss her. You know what I mean? I got to see it. When you say the lines. Who's saying the lines? Yeah, wait. Are you? Who, what's your word?

Are you Matthew McConaughey? Can you find the line? What is the? Hey, Merf. Oh, hey, son of it. Here we go. Are you ready? Hi, May?

I feel like you're not focused. He's nervous. I'm nervous. Okay. And, look, me and remember it's a black screen remember before she talked okay okay you get some tears already yeah yeah go ahead I can't laugh hey hey dad hey dad you son of a bitch never made one of these while he were still responding

because I was so mad at you for leaving and when you went quiet it seemed like I should live with that decision, and I have. But today is my birthday. And it's a special one. Because you told me, you once told me that by the time you came back, we might be the same age. Merv.

And today, I'm the same age when you left. So it'd be a really good time for you to come back. Jesus, Merv. What, okay. What do you want to be? want me do that's how I remember that's good

well done that was great Jaime that was I think that was 15 minutes I was watching a video that was 15 minutes wasted that was only dead time but very good performance

that was very good that was really really impressive very good performance so what did we learn in this podcast absolutely nothing we learned absolutely nothing

I think we should end with the song hey watch Seinfeld Season 5, episode one, it's the opposite. It's very inspirational. Why is it inspirational? It's the one where George says, if everything I'm doing has led me here,

then maybe I'll just try doing the opposite. And then it becomes his life motto, and he becomes the, starts working for the Yankees. Oh. So if everything you're doing isn't working, try something else. Oh, gosh. That's a good one. I don't know, just, it was a, it was, a funky year, wasn't it?

A lot of things happened in 2025, I feel. It was a funky year. You had real life stuff happening. I mean, for me, like, the most beautiful in so many ways that I've ever experienced. It's probably mostly beautiful. Yeah, I think. You're a Samoan child. He's Hawaiian.

He's Hawaiian. Whatever. Different. I love them. It's just, but I don't, you guys didn't feel like 2025 was like, whoa. It was crazy. It was crazy, right? Well, the fires started like right.

January 7th. Yeah. And then it was all insane after that, I feel like it was just a roller coaster. Well, there's two ways of looking at it. You have what went on in the world, and I think what happened in the world was a dark place. Yeah. It's just terrible. The video I sent you the other day was heartbreaking.

Can you send, start sending me happy ones? Are you capable? I send her ice videos. And it's like, people being detained. It's so heartbreaking. It makes me so angry. I like to focus on the positive. Yeah.

The one's light, but Arsle's number one in the league. That's huge. For me, that's a huge thing. That's your highlight. Give a highlight and a low light. The low light is, you know, the things that went low, I gained positive it transformed me actually

is what I'm saying you know a lot of the hate online I became desensitized to it and I kind of grew from it and I changed I've also detached myself

from little wars that people try to start to gain some sort of traction online I'm not interested in that you're not getting baited i don't get baited and i i go i love you i i literally don't care um and i um you know my mom's still alive is a huge thing um you know um what else is good i think it's just mostly i've just this year's been i've grown more this year than i've ever grown in any other year i agree you know the stuff

that, you know, happen with you and I was very bad and hurtful for me. When you said that you were pregnant, it was the worst day of my life. But then, you know what? I met your baby. And it's the greatest day.

That's so sweet. It was meant to be. Yeah. And I'm just so happy for you because, you know, I'm going to die alone. you might you might not know what no

we'll all take care of you no yeah you know but it um it really did become the greatest thing and um you know I just think that everything for me

people disagree with me but I think everything happens for a reason and I accept it you know I think you two hi me and Kat I just don't know

how I feel about it. I'll be real. It's been good and bad. The threshold of tolerance that I need with both of you has been very different. Jesus, that's bad. That's the kind of stuff.

You know what I mean? So a lot of forgiving. A lot of tolerance, like I said. And a lot of like, I understand, what it's like when things aren't going well, you know what I mean, in a war situation. Like in NAM, you know what I mean? Our troops are doing the best we can, but are they?

Are we the troops? I have no idea what I'm saying. You know what I mean? It's just a feeling. Another thing that I want to say about this year is I've really grown to love deeply Gilbert, George, and Alex. thank you I love you

love you you're gonna end up rooming with Alex next year you don't find a woman no I honestly I I think you guys are for my friends oh my god

you're just realizing no no but no when I say friends because I have a difficult you know what I mean it's true relationship with people it takes me a long time

and you know I mean of trust and you know what I mean there is I know I make fun of you George You know what I mean And I don't respect you I'm being real I'm just can I just be real

I don't respect you Yes you do But you respect it I do But you know what I mean But it's not But I do But I do have such deep love for you

You know I mean He doesn't respect you But he trusts you I trust you I trust you I don't respect you but I trust you Yeah yeah You know I mean

Like I I do the opposite of whatever you do. Whatever your instincts are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's bad instincts. And, you know, I have to say about Andrew, I've developed a deep love for him, too. And also my bad friend family, you know,

except McCone, McCone drives me crazy. But still, there is love there. So, you know, at the end of the day, it's been a positive year for me. The world is shit, and we've got to do something. we really do maybe the midterms will help

but um you know no judgment here you know you do what you do but also open your eyes that's a good that's a good

open your eyes everybody anyway any of the last words on the count of three Happy New Year one two three Happy New Year Come here, my dumb, do you know, bong, bongue, y'u-a-do-o.

Shukuluki-i-do-a-do-a-do-o. Fid, I'mukukuk-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-o. Fid, I'ma-a-a-a-a-a-a-o-o-o. Oh, kiyah, ma'u-o-o-o-o.