TigerBelly - Pete Holmes and Bobby have a Heated Rivalry

Episode Date: February 25, 2026

Comedian Pete Holmes joins and survives Bobby’s topic tornado. We chat rivalry tension, male erotica, rabbits, Seinfeld stories, Jeff Bridges impressions, box-of-chocolates wisdom, co-sleeping debates, Ojai living, the philosophy of laughter, and who's Sydney Sweeney. Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial today at www.shopify.com/tigerbelly  Download Cash App Today: https://capl.onelink.me/vFut/p06g4a8g #CashAppPod. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App’s bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. See terms and conditions at https://cash.app/legal/us/en-us/card-agreement. Cash App Green, overdraft coverage, borrow, cash back offers and promotions provided by Cash App, a Block, Inc. brand. Visit http://cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures. Download the DraftKings Casino app, sign up with code TIGERBELLY, and start spinning! 

Hi, I'm Bobby Lee, and I created a graphic novel with my friend Matthew here. It's called Deadweight. Look at how beautiful this is. Wow. Wow. Amazing. Dude, this looks great. Look at that. Oh, my God, dude.

You can get it everywhere. Books are sold. Barnes & Noble, Amazon, and GunnerBooks.com. It's rated our Kung Fu Panda meets Kickass. It's from my heart. And so please check it out. What are you doing? You guys just think it's kind of a lot of flexing going on.

There's no flexing. What is flexing? Playing a piano I can't hear and you're like, are you going to wear your headphones? Well, yeah. Why don't you say put on your headphones? What? I wrote you a song. Here it is.

Play it first and awesome. Here it is. Here it is. Have you ever taken a shower before? is here Dukey Houser Duna, play it again. Duna, da-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na.

I don't know. I don't know it. I don't know that baby-houser. You just play it, bro. You know how white people, you know how white people with their lips? He has no borders. It's like the colors of your lips

is like the same of your face. I don't understand. I love what white people have borders. Borner? Yeah, yeah. I think borders. I go to doctors without borders. Oh, you do?

Yeah. I have a border. He has a very clear border. What are you talking about? What do you want me to use a pencil? Do you want to outline it like the 90s? Yeah, I do. Two, three, four.

Peering home with my tiny nails. You have you been in front of my nails. Tiny nails. Oh, you're on tapping. Oh, boundaryless lips. That's an observation. That's an observation. removed from a vagina.

Oh, is that the look you want? Is that the look you want? No lips. Third base? I'll tell you this. Oh, I'm sorry. The Joker has fucking borders, dude. The Joker has borders?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Too much. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you going Joaquin on me? Yeah, you're walking. I don't recognize the way.

Anyway, anyway, what's your fucking? Yeah, yeah, right. No, I don't know. Did you write me a song? That was it. Anyway, how come we've never done to our podcast before? I don't know, man.

Do you guys have a history of beef or no? We do have a lot of beef. Well, describe beef. Let's start there. You know when you're eating Udon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, really?

How's the Asian vibe here? It's 100% Asian vibes here, dude. Yeah, when you're eating meat. Do that feel good? It does. You piece of shit. You piece of shit. Anyway, Pete Holmes is here.

He was on a TV show called Crashing. He had special. Why haven't I done the show before? What? Have you been invited before? No. Yeah. Well, you never asked.

Wow. It goes both ways. Wow. And that's one of the lessons that we have to learn as a society. Things go both ways. We live in a society. Yeah, yeah. I'm happy to be here.

Yeah. Although, I have to say... And then you're just quiet. I'm really compelled to say that I bet I started a show and I burned through it. It's a pretty good show. What, crashing? No, it's called heated rivalry. Have you seen it?

I watched. I'm so glad you finally succumbed. And can I just say this? It came. He came. After watching... You succame so hard. I did succumbed so hard.

And after watching the show, you know what I can conclude? You're gay? You're straight. I might not be gay. I might not be gay. Why? You might not be gay. Wait, you thought you were gay going in?

Yeah, maybe. I was on the fence. There's rumors. Yeah, yeah. Well, the first scene, the first 10 minutes of it, how did you feel? Okay. Well, they don't show the penis, which is kind of cool. They are experts at the bended knee, aren't they?

That whole show is a master class and hiding the flask. Good camera work. Great knee work. Good knee work. Yeah, a lot of, but there's a lot of slurping. Yeah. And there's a lot of, like, you know, here's my thigh. and then the head here, right?

So you can't really see, you know what I mean? But does it get better? I've only seen the pilot. What? Does it get better? It's steamy. I don't believe. It's steamy.

But there's no other point to it. That's what I'm feeling. Wait, that's not true. I think from a girl's perspective, it's a little bit different. I think there's a lot of like real romance that we feel and a lot of like, ooh, we. Will they won't then? Yeah, and my sister watched the last episode yesterday. But they are fucking.

Will they keep doing this? And she was like, I cried so hard at the last episode. No, I think the anticipation is, will they become lovers for life? For life. You know what I mean? In the beginning, it was like they're hooking up. Yeah. Right?

And because of all the social, you know what I mean, things that they have to avoid. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's very difficult. Look, you ever have someone explain a show and in your heart, you're like, that's an amazing show. And you watch it and it's just not. It's not the show's fault, just not what you thought it was going to be. Exactly.

I thought it was going to establish this rivalry. It really is, and I like the show, glossing over this potential to really show them playing the game. They just told us they have a rivalry. I want to see the rivalry. Checking into each other and being like, fuck you bitch. They're just like fucking right away. My favorite scene was, you know, the water bottle.

I won't do it because I'm just getting over something. But, you know, the touching. Yeah. I like sexual tension. I'm into that. That's not just for the ladies. So I was enjoying that, but there isn't,

there isn't enough. I was like, male competition and sexuality is so similar. And I really wanted it to be an exploration of that. And then I just got like, this is just erotica. Yeah, yeah. It's not porn.

Can I make another mission? Udon. Yes. Yeah, can I make another mission? Yeah. I never saw it. Two, three, four. You're gay.

I'm a gay for watching it. I'm a homosexual. I did see it. I saw all of it. We all knew you so. I know, yeah. You're not that good. But I like that, yeah, you're right. When they were passing the waterballer and he kind of, that's pretty hot.

Pretty hot. No, I know. But then they aren't going at it right away. Are they Canadian? Four months. One of them. One is Russian. The other one's Canadian.

One's age Canadian. Kay Jadian. Yeah, yeah. Let me just say something. Not Asian. He's not Asian? He is half Asian. He's Asian.

You don't recognize the half? I deny the half. You deny the half. Yeah, yeah. Because it mixed it with you, you're borderless lips. My borderless lips were borderless on the globe as well. I deny that half, then. Yeah, okay.

When I see Keanu, I deny it. No, but Keanu ain't trying for you. What are you? That's rude. He's fine not being in your... He's in his own category. I guess you're right. He's a category of rights.

You're right, you're right, right. He's the Reeves. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's not Asian. He's not Asian. He's a Reeves. But Keanu is actually Keanu and he has roots in Hawaii. Oh, I hate the way you say Hawaii.

You all hate it. How are you supposed to say it? Wrong. You're not, and you're all, when you go and get a croissant at Starbucks, you don't ask for a croissant. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. A croissant? Yeah, go to Hawaii. The way you say it.

At Hawaii. But the way you say Hawaii, like, as if you are Hawaiian. I'm not, I'm Filipino. You're not Hawaiian. Say guacamole. What? Guacamole. What are you supposed to?

Giacomoly. George would say it. Yeah. Guacamole. Oh, yeah, that really bothers me. That's how you said Hawaii. I like her. Oh, wait.

What about Mexico? Mexico. I was supposed to say Mexicans? You're Mexico. Yeah, yeah. You say Mexico? Hawaii. You say Mexico?

Oh, Mahako. That's how I say it. Mexican Coke? Yeah, yeah. Mexico. Okay. You like Mexico? You like Mexico?

I don't think it's that much than regular. Too sugary. Two sugary. I like Mexican Coke. You do? I love it. Why? Yeah, it's the best.

It tastes better for me. Okay. It's tall, dark. But I want you to do a taste test where it's a regular non-Mexican Coke, a glass bottle. Guatemalan. And a Mexican Coke and a glass bottle. So Guatemalan Coke. And a Mexican Coke.

Same temperature. I don't know if we're going to tell. Kind of like the Pepsi Coke challenge. Do you guys remember that? Of course I do. I'm 46. Okay. Why do you remember that?

Because I'm also 46. No. I know. You have a Jeff Bridges. Gotcha. Jeff Bridges. Hey, man. Yeah, here's your clip, man.

Do people say that? I didn't notice that. I didn't notice it. I look like that, man. Oh, aren't you glad you had a viral moment? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Podcasts usually me about conversation, man.

No, it's just this. You're doing the dude. Oh, well. You're in the dude version of, all right. What do you mean? You think there's another in Jeff? This is the old man. Yeah, yeah.

Doesn't he have, I didn't notice that before. Also, Beau. Yeah, very good. You're good at impressions. Well, your badness, man, your face. Yeah, yeah. Where are you looking when you look? Are you uncomfortable?

Yeah, I do. You give off like an uncomfortable. I did or datter. I like it. Yeah, yeah. Do you look? Which eye do you look at? Don't ask.

Is I? I won't see him the rest of the show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, when you look at someone in the face, like where in their face are you looking? Your right eye. Right. I think I'm looking at your left. Where do you look, Bobby?

This is my right. Your right eye. Oh, that's right. I think I look at both. You can't. It's like a magic eye. If you look at both of my eyes, you'll see a sailboat. See, that used to be clippable.

Now it's got to be, hey, man. I'm looking at your pointy nose. Why is it okay for you to hate on the whites? Because I say pointy noise. Oh. Don't make fun of my point in nose. Yo, what's up? I'll show you where my point nose goes.

Heated rivalry. between your cheeks. Pete Holmes. Get that knee up. Don't see the strong. I can't wrap that. I can't wrap either. Well, I also can't wrap.

Also, can I say this? Why do you live so far? Why do I live so far away? I know where you live. You can say where I live. I don't want to say. Fine. But you live very far away.

I do. Why? Clearwater. Florida? Florida? I was like, whoa. No, I live about like two hours north of the city. Yeah.

It'll take me about two hours. Because every time we talk about P, it's like, well, how does the P is not around? Because it lives two hour away. Do you live in? I won't say it. I don't know why. Two hour away. Dude, why don't have an accent right?

I can't get out of it. I think it was a Hawaii thing. No, that's not true. It's because you rejected the Asian. You rejected the Asian guy, so you got punished. Yeah. You would, you consider him Asian. Yes.

Wait, half Asian. He's half Korean. Yes, he's Korean. He's Korean? No, no, the guy in heated rivalry. Oh, yeah. He's definitely. age. He's aged. You don't see the white in him?

I see a little bit. A little bit of Korean. Kiana Roos is definitely Asian. I mean, that's his mom. Oh yeah. Oh, yeah. You can't have a mom like that and not be. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that Bobby? Oh, no, sorry. Or his grandmother, sorry. That's his grandmother. What does his mom look like, though? Oh, it's probably a white woman. Let's check. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Wait. Wait. That's his grandmother. If that's his grandmother, his mother is at least half. Half age. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm here to tell. He's a quarter. People invite me on shows.

Yeah. That's his mom? Does he have an older girl's wife? No, do not? First of all, got to say something. What? No, no, stop. Hey. So we get so close to the piano.

Always do some noises. Yeah, just getting ready to wrap. Yeah, yeah. I need more Bobby Lee in my headphones. Yeah, yeah. How'd you do that? Oh, there we go. Yeah.

Uh. Yo, livery. Tika, tika. Oh, let's just a little bit. Oh. Move on. Oh, let's move on from it. Whoa.

What did I say? Nothing. You said, Tiga, Tiga. Ticka, Ticka. Yeah, I thought you were promoting a social media. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's up? Nothing.

I'm listening. Yeah, why are you smiling? Why are you smiling? I don't know why you're smiling. No, you're up to something. You're up to something about no good. I am innocent. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm innocent. Yeah, what's up? You were going to, his girlfriend's older. No, what I'm just going to say to you about his girlfriend, because some people make fun of her, right? I think they're the same age. Yeah, number one, they're the same age, right? She's a great artist.

She's an incredible artist. Yeah, and I love her. Yeah. All right, so if you say anything negative about her, I didn't say. I'm going to rip your eyes out. And also, let me say, Seth, that's something, right? And he has the moisture to get in there. You have the same look as she does anyway.

You have the same look as she does anyway, right? What does that mean if it's not me? Because you have bunny rabbits at home. So? Yeah, this is my bunny when I see people with bunnies. Do you have bunny rabbits? Yes, three. I've got three.

Oh, sweet. Do you really? Really? How many do you have? Why are you not booking me for things because it's a commute? That's what it is. Let me say no. Don't say I'm no.

I drive in and do a set of the store, go home. I understand that. I love a fucking shit, bro. I know, but you live so far, I never asked. That's on you. That's on you. It's on you. It's on you.

It's on you. It's on you. It's on you. Oh, you fuck that up. No, no. I took a bridge. Oh, you're going to go back. Different?

Oh. Oh. How about this? No. Makes was no sense. No. Okay. No, no, no.

People listen to it. I don't know. You know, it was a nightmare. Sorry. How many times? I want to talk about bunnies. But I do want to say, as someone who did want to get out of the city, which is in, you know, it's in the ether. People think about it.

One of the reasons you wouldn't do it is what you're saying. So that's a nightmare that people are like, oh, I wouldn't think to have Pete on the podcast because I don't want them to come in. Yeah, that's a weird. That's not weird. It's not weird. It's not weird. It's weird to go out there. I will.

It's weird to even be out there. Wrong. So now that's why I asked. I get it. Go ahead. I get why you'd be that far out there, especially if you have. Oh, wait, explain then. Because if you're a person like me who has rabbits, he probably likes his space.

He's a little bit more introverted, likes his little area where he can be a little less into the city. Yeah, what are you nuts? He goes to creation. He's obviously holistic. Hell yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. If you want to go there, let's go there.

I'll tell you another thing. Why are you being so mean to me right now? I'm not being, you know, I know that you've had things at your house and you've invited Santino. I guess we're not that clouds. I only like gingers. Get that firebush.

You can't hide what he's got. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is it closed? Anyway, so you live out there. It's like God highlighted his dick. You want... Shopify. Shopify.

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Overdraft coverage, borrow cash back offers and promotions provided by Cash App, a block, ink, brand, visit Cash. dot app slash legal slash podcast for full disclosures. Cash up, Cash Up. So anyway, so you live out there. God highlighted his dick.

You want... Santino on blast! God highlighted your dick. He likes it so much. And a little circle around your bottle, bro. Yeah, yeah. I'll do some ginger stuff. Yeah, yeah. I know you will.

I'm all in ginger, man. I'm all up in that. Yeah, yeah. He's one of my best friends. I'm all up in that. One of? Yeah, yeah. Who's number one?

I have, Polly Short? God. No, no. The Lord? No, if you want to know, you don't know this person, but Gene Hong is one of my best ones. You don't know who I know. Who's Gene Hong? I hung with Hung-O.

I'm always with the Hong. Ding, ding. The horn. Get the horn and the horn. Want to hang out with the horn? Yeah. All right. But the reason why you live out there, let me guess, is because privacy.

It's heaven. It's heaven, too. When you live, look, I only have one bit about living outside. I live in Ohio. I live outside of the city. Oh, you live in Ohio? I love Ohio. That's the reaction.

Yes. It's like, stop that. I love that I live up with the mountain. I'm turning this off. I'm turning this off. Yeah, I'm just saying it either makes sense. or it doesn't, and a lot of people don't understand it. Like, if you moved to the country, I would think that was wrong.

Which country? That's your country. Like, if you moved to the country, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That was crazy. I did. Yeah, because I'm not Chinese. I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We all know. What am I? The different kinds. Yeah, what am I? You don't even want to know how Korean you are. Oh, I know how Korea I am. South Koreans. Exactly.

You've got salt. Yeah, Pusan. Sorry. I named the place in this. Why did you say China? I didn't say it. Yeah, you did. Okay.

She meant like plates. China. Plates and silverware. It made some good Chinese food, huh? Vegas. What was the place we went to? Washing potato. We went to the washing potato, dude.

The washing potato? Yeah. It was probably one of the best dumplings ever ever had. Off the strip? They got like a bulbous white guy doing the dishes in the back? No, it was... They called the washing potato? It felt like it was like the Food Network Iron Chef

setting. Very fancy. Oh, kind of like a chef's table vibe. Yeah. Yeah, it was really good. How do you guys know? How do you all? What is this? You want to describe? Yeah, what's going on? So, Colila was my ex-girlfriend. We lived together for 10 years. Cute. Oh, I've heard of you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, um, cross eyes, but I like it.

Cross eyes? Was that necessary? Or her eyes are very, very... He's into a very specific type of woman, which is half Asian. Yeah. Half Asian with a mild cross eye. Tall, tall. We're saying your eyes are crossed? Yeah, that's what I, yeah. Yeah, I like that.

Apparently. This is like some weird Stockholm syndrome thing. I think so. You said it enough? And I just agree. You're trusting his eyesight? I'm just saying this is unreliable. Can I just say something about Asian eyes?

We say the same as you. I didn't, wasn't an Asian joke. Oh, it wasn't. We see it. We see the same as you. It was an old joke. It was an old joke. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You can't pin me to that. I know, if this was the art you know would be rapping. You can't pin me to that. That was an old decrepant. You can do that. Go. If our lips don't have borders, then... Our lips have borders.

Our lips have borders. Our lips are our lips. Okay. Can you do this thought? I don't know. You already know what I was going to say something? Yeah, yeah. I shall not know. Right?

Tell me, explain. I don't know. What do you say? So if your lips don't have borders, what? What do you mean? If you were painting her, I don't. Would you use the same color for chin as her lips?

I know you're distracting for the white. Let me just see something. Finish that thought. Finally, an advocate for the white. Yeah. Finish the thought. I was thinking if you think our lips don't have borders, then your eyes don't have borders. Oh.

They kind of don't. No, you? That's a betrayal. I don't like it. I'm Asian too. It's fine. Some of us don't have borders. Yeah, yeah.

Your eyes aren't crossed, though. Thank you. That's sweet. I mean, if they were it before. fine. Yeah, yeah. But come on. I do do you do death business. You know, you're right. He's a lot more crossline than me.

That's what I'm saying? Those are Hey, man. You got a beautiful girl over there. It's pretty good. Big news, man. You have you asked me to grab my lip liner and put borders? We should. Okay, let me go grab on our lip liner. Yeah, see how it looks. Yeah, I need it.

You need it. Yeah, yeah. I can't visualize. Do you think your lips have borders? Oh, yeah. It's a mustache. You grew a border You need a bus. Yeah.

I still have a border. And that's why I grew the mustache to let people know. Okay. Hey, male. I got this. Pretty good, or no? He did rivalries.

It's two girls. I don't know if it would be fun. That's like sex in the city. They never did it. So anyway, so Kalilo's my act. We started this podcast 12 years ago. Yeah, 2015. And do you live here?

This is my house, yeah. Oh, okay. Not big enough? That's exactly what it was saying. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm not Michael Bay. Huh. Yeah, yeah, anyway. No pool?

I do have a pool. I have a pool. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I have a pool, you know. I have a pool, I haven't even seen the house. Yeah, yeah, I like modern house. It's a nice house.

Thank you so much. When you have a podcast studio of this caliber, you think it might be just the podcast. house. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's really a compliment

to how nice. Yeah, but the second floor is the house. Here's a mirror and here's in the... Okay, we're not doing that yet. Okay. Okay, I'm going to get to... Wow.

Why do you guys break up? Oh. We're not doing that. We're not doing that. We're not doing that right now. So then Kat is a stand-up comic. She's a... Works at the Comedy Store.

Uh-huh. And she's... The world famous? Good. We think so. Yeah, what club do you prefer? I actually do prefer the story, and I'm not just saying that.

I think you... I know. But be real. What's your favorite club in the L.A.? Well, I perform at Largo. Does that count as a club? Yeah. What do you like about Largo?

I love the Lago. See, people who don't understand O'Hai don't understand Largo. It's just like a self-love issue. Yeah. Because to me, because I played Largo many times. Yeah. To me, it seems a little...

When the crowd is... When the crowd is so... Yeah, and when the crowd is so... You know, we all went to Ivy League schools. We're part of a club. Yeah. You know what I mean? Hey man.

Hey man. And when the crowd is so big, you know, if you're all the way in the back and you take your pants off, the effect isn't just the same. Oh, I see it's a slam. You know what I mean? I haven't done that in a very long time. I just shot a special, didn't get naked once. So thank you. Not even at the late show?

Really? That is true. Not even a deleted? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You showed your butt hole a little bit. No? No, I did not. Yeah, yeah.

In the green room, I showed me. Deleted scene. Deleted scene. Yeah, yeah. So that's in your face. Yeah, I mean, I'm fuck off. I want to reset the tone because I love you. That's great.

We're doing great. No, I know. But I don't want to get it twisted that I'm here to like roast you or something. It's fun to represent you. I think I started it with the borders of the middle. You did start. In fact, we could play the tape back and say you definitely started it. However, I'm very happy to be here.

And your stand-up comedian performs at the world famous comedy store. Yes. Yeah. What's your full name? Cat Bird. Exactly. It's fantastic. Is that fantastic?

I have no issues, no notes. Really? No issues. Catbird. That's kind of an oh-high name, huh? It is. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Some of the names at my daughter's school, there would be a cat bird there for sure. For sure, yeah, yeah. I almost named my daughter Summer. Why didn't you? Summer Holmes.

I don't understand. I don't understand. Oh, I see. I don't see it. Explain. It's a thinker. That's a thinking move. Summer home. Yeah, yeah. You're summer home. Like an Airbnb.

Yeah. What's the one to do winter? People don't really have winter homes. They have summer homes. They have Aspen. They don't have homes on Aspen. I guess you could have a winter home. That's what I'm saying.

Aren't you like loaded? You're on like seven incredibly popular podcasts. Don't you know what a summer home is? Ooh. That's another burn. Oh. That's a burn. No, that's a burn.

No, that's really concerned. Move. What the fuck? You turned it off. You got to get a business manager. Nobody's telling you to invest in real estate. First of all, I have, what? I have been telling him.

Yeah. No, but here's the thing that no one understands in this room, right? I have real estate a lot. I do. You're right? So you're not privy to it. I don't share my fucking business with people. They all got sold.

Sorry. You get serious. I do. Very fun. It's very good. It's very funny. I know. I have a very good.

When I said you don't have a pool, you, I wish we could play it back. Wait, it's offensive. It's offensive. You're attacking me. I was attacking me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I'm nothing. No, no.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know Judd Apatot, too. Oh. Patot. Been in here. Right, has he been here? Yeah, yeah. A couple times.

Great to be here. I love you. I love you. Yeah, yeah. He's a good guy. I'm a good guy. Yeah, yeah. You still talk to him?

I talk to Pete every day. Pete? I'm doing Jed. You think this is my voice? Does his voice is strange? This is my Jed voice. Oh, yeah, yeah. Jet is actually one of my best friends.

Yeah, he's a great guy. I just Santinoed him. My best friend, John Huang. You don't know him. I don't know him. You don't know him. Summer home, huh? Summer home.

Yeah, very funny joke. What's her middle? You know what? If I name a kid. My daughter? Jane. That's a pretty good. So if I have a son,

oh, daughter, you know what I'm going to name him? Oh, what? Ug. Ugly. That's the same thing. Same fun. Same fun. We're playing words.

Stanley. Yeah, yeah. I feel like there was a time. I was starting at in Chicago where more than one person had this joke, I'm going to name my kid Void and just watch him try and cash a check. That was like a thing. Because He was coming up. You don't get it. I don't know if I'm talking about it. He doesn't do wordplay. I don't do wordplay. Well, if somebody's name is void and I write you at check, I have to write void on it. Oh, that's funny. And then I give it to you, you can't cash it. I can't cash it.

It says void. Oh, that's good. But how about the last name is like Benson, void Benson? Void Benson. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Or what about it? The Void, like a Marvel villain. Yeah, yeah. Benson. Benson. And you've been doing the podcast all the time? Sometimes. Yeah, yeah.

They don't really want me all the time. Good TV show. What? Was it? Benson. Was it a show called Benson? It was a TV show. Was it not?

My mom dated a guy named Benson. Are you a one-liner comedian? Yeah, yeah, she is. No, I'm not. Yeah, yeah. And that was fire. She did. It was Benson and we always...

Seinfeld was on Benson, really briefly. I heard about that story. Yeah. That's a crazy story. What is the story? You don't know about the story? There's a story? What is this?

A mammoth playing? No, no. You don't know the story? There's a story? Tell me the story. There is a story about it. I don't know if I heard it correctly, but can I try to tell you? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

I like that. I like that. So you're used to people bringing things up as images as you talk about them. We don't do that on my show. I like that. I like young you want. Damn. It's fun.

Yeah, yeah. How old do you think so? I'm like 29. What's the old 29? It's not quite 30. Not quite 26. So long are middle life? What's the only?

You drop 25 cents and you feel blue about it? Yeah, yeah. Come on, midlife crisis. I never knew you as a... These are the crises. Korean today is a white guy in the 80s. Yeah, we can do it. So enjoy it.

We can be free in that way. Enjoy it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you mean by that? Korean today is a white... Well, in the 80s, it would have been a bunch of white guys being like, and do an impression of him. And they'd be like, well,

What's up, what's up! You're still doing that. You can do it. It's your time. Yeah. So, you know, in 20 years. Yeah. All right.

Who will it be? Are you stealing money from the rich and giving it to the poor? Huh? Robin Hood? What the fuck you're going on? I like it. Kind of a Mrs. Croixie.

This is my valet jacket. Hello, Zelda. What is going on here? What's the story? Thank you. Gosh. Very hypercritical of me. I love it.

You're chilly. It's very pretty colors. What are you, Hawkeye? What's going on here? Are you running out? Are you running out? Green Lantern. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right, Ryan Reynolds before. Yeah, where's your ring, green lantern? Yeah, there you go. Stop looking at me. Give me more. Yeah, anyway. That's it? You're done?

No. How's Batman Poison Ivy? Oh, okay. That was a good one. She's great. Yeah. You wouldn't think of some more? Yeah.

Give you one. Give me one. Hey, Tree. And the Beanstalk. Oh, Beanstalk. Yeah. Yeah. Hey tree?

Hey tree. Okay. Brown and wearing green. Oh, I see. Yeah. Oh. When you're not, when you're not racist.

I had a joke about Kumal on my special. Never heard of them. Kumail Huang. Yeah. Camel Wong. I know Camel Wang. Camel non-Gi. Yeah, yeah.

Has been a friend of mine for 20 years. And when he got buff, I had a joke about how. We should get him on. Have we ever had a mom? Yes, we have had a month. I don't know if we had. I'm kidding. I'm trying to get the story about Benson now.

I just had this joke where I said he looked like a horse and a medium t-shirt. He got so ripped, he looked like a horse in a medium t-shirt. And then Neil Brannan was like, I love that. You like him? Oh my God. So what happened with Jerry Seinfeld and Benz? No, that you like Neil Brennan though?

You like Neil Brunner? The story was this close to being done. Go ahead. It won't be good now. Go ahead. You just said. No, I'm sorry. And it's funny because you're calling him Brown

and you won't get in trouble for it. And I was like, I wasn't. And I cut it because I got so scared people would think I was making racist joke. In a comedy context? Yeah, yeah. We have to cut that out now. No, we don't. You cut it.

It's a story about having something. Okay. Okay. But now you can finally say it and it's uncut. Well, that's why I like to bring it up. Yeah. It is a strong joke and it deserves a life. There we go.

Well, you know. Horse in a medium t-shirt. Oh, you're doing a fucking moonlight sonata of a version of that. Yeah, yeah. Okay, so what is the Benson story? What is going on here? Why am I hosting this? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She's kind of put the borders. Oh, okay. Okay, what do you mean? I can't fucking tell the best story without that. You got to focus. Focus. Just focus. It's going to be quick.

That's a nice piano. Good sensitivity. Why are your nail so shiny? Why are your nails so shiny? I just want to know why your follicles glisten. I picked your nose. I'm better.

Brought it back around. I liked it. What's the story? I don't know if the... Wow. That's what I like. I like that. That's what I like.

Borders. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. Now you look like Jennifer Coolidge. What you do? Jennifer Coolie? I thought about it.

I was like, any good impression I should have a Jennifer Coolie. Yeah. I don't have. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh, I fell off that bow.

Yeah, very good. Oh, yeah, my ex-husband was, oh, yeah, I love to be rammed by Italian men. Oh, yeah. Yes. Very good. And Carla has a very good one. Go ahead. Thank you.

Thank you. Ariane has an incredible one. She does. She's so, like, weirdly talented and everything. She's so talented and everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Eat a sandwich, but anyway. Little skin.

Is that what you're saying? No. No. You're having ownership of her body? Yeah. Bobby Lee has ownership of Welcome to the new podcast His body, his choice

Tiger belly where we just evaluate Other people's bellies You're right No, no You're worried That was not good Sometimes you can worry about I think there's a way

I'm worried about somebody That's in the business Yeah yeah Would you worry about her if she was very fat as well? Yeah, I would have It would be funnier too Oh so I would have said something earlier About Karen Carpenter

But I didn't And now look what happened Okay so Benson What happened Benson What happened to Karen Carpenter? That's a real question. Well, I can tell you. My mom's obsessed with Karen Carpenter.

He was actually recovering from her eating disorder when her heart failed. She was already kind of on an upswing. Can we see the state of what character? No, can we not? It's really sad and dark. Close your eyes, Cloud. She's a good drummer, though. Who's Karen Carpenter?

That's how skinny she got. The Carpenter. 83 pounds. Yeah, she had it. Yeah. So talented, though. Anyway, let's move on. In 1980, early in Benson's second season, Jerry Seinfeld played Frankie for three episodes,

and then he was fired because of creative differences where the producers felt he was not a strong performer. But that's not what the real story is. Reveal. What I heard was this. Wrong side of the camera over there. The only guy who's in broadcasting is over there. Oh, compliment. You even have a pool? He's a producer.

He has no broadcasting skills. Don't give him any more compliment. He just broadcast. Where are you going? He wants to put George on camera. Oh, God. Where are you going? He has a round.

Yeah, there you go. Oh, this is awesome. This is the day. This is like the Mark Wahlberg movie. Ten years of what? Remember? Remember when I was in the audience? Finally, my moment.

Yay. Yeah, go ahead. Cheers. What's up? Cheers. It's me, Mark Wahlberg. Welcome to the show. I was waiting for you to know this.

You are ADD. You know that, right? You don't have it. It has you. Yeah, yeah. ADD has a little bit of an Asian man. Oh, here we go. But it's most...

I have no idea what we were saying. Wait, Bobby, can you tell... Can you talk about how George situated himself so you could see him on the camera there? Remember that? All right, so can I just say this, okay? Pete, check it out, dude. All right.

I want to get back to the Benson, though. 50 minutes in, we haven't talked about it. Why the glue? Nope, keep going. Okay, so people have been saying on my... direct messages that you class them up. I went to an automatic teller machine

and I checked my direct messages. I needed this as soon as possible. Keep going. Sorry. Classing it up. Somebody slayed up. The cameras, right, picks me up, right? But they also picked this up

and they see George in the reflection of this. And that he positioned himself so he can get seen. And then you admitted that you did that. Well, but then it's because the editor doesn't cut to me enough. Like when I have a whole camera there and then he never... Right. Who does he sound like?

Talk some more. Tell me about where you're from. I'm from Barry in Springs, Michigan. I actually grew up by the time. Edkin. Mohammed Ali. Muhammad Ali. Who are you?

There's a famous guy that talks like this. Yeah, yeah. Well, you see? Yeah, it's kind of old-timey. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A little bit of Jimmy Stewart. Jimmy Stewart. Kermit.

Kermit. Keep going to, Kermit. Oh, yeah. Oh, the zoom in. There we are there. It just looks like Bono's releasing a new scene. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go on.

Sunday, bloods. Oh, anyway, keep talking. Oh, what? I want to hear the end of the Benson story. Can we get the end of the Benson story, please? But can we talk about why you're talking like this? Taryn Kill'em. Oh, sounds like Taryn.

Oh, he does a bit. No. No. What was it like when you were on National? Have we had Taryn on? Yes. We have. Don't remember.

You're not going to remember me. I'm kidding. I know. I know all of them. Who are you? Anyway, can you go back? Who are you? If you'll, if you finish the Benson story.

Promise me you'll finish the Benson story. I promise I will. Can you switch? That's a broadcast. I wanted to hear you. No, we did it. As soon as I start talking, Bobby gets on his phone and stops paying attention. So I love you.

Like a brother. I know. Now is Pete, is that short for Peter? Dude, what the fuck? Who has the time? Crazy question. That's crazy. Are we that desperate to, come on?

Well, I was just wondering. Is that your small talk? No, I just wanted. No, no, no, and I'm a great guest. I could go for 20 minutes on that. I could do a podcast, she could say that 20 minutes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Clippical, or let's go.

Let's go. Go ahead. Well, I remember when I was young, and I remember I had the agency to do it. It's a big moment in my life. I was like, wait, it's up to me. Yeah. I can go to Pete. Yeah.

Pete is so much nicer than Peter. Yeah, yeah. Here's the way you'll never hear. Who stabbed you? Pete. Oh. Yeah. Never, never, never.

It was Bobby Lee who stabbed you. Yeah, yeah. But do you think Peter would stab you? Peter wouldn't stab you. Are there any villainous Peters in history? There was the... Allison Holmes was the woman who made Theranos? No, Elizabeth Holmes.

Oh, Elizabeth Holmes, yeah. There was also a naughty Holmes. There was also a home serial killer. Didn't Elizabeth Holmes do something with us? Yeah, you invested... What? Theranos. When we're in Seattle, who did that live show with us?

Oh, that's Amanda Knox. That is not Elizabeth Holmes. Oh, I'm sorry. And she was also in... I love a men and Knox. Yeah. Okay. Sherlock.

Yep, that's my mom. That's it. I knew it. Anyway, back to Benson. Draft King's Casino! Get cozy because Draft King's Casino is turning up the heat. Play more than 1,000 slots. One thousand.

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ends March 15th, 2026 at 1159 p.m. Eastern Time. This is what I heard, and this could be false, but I don't know where I heard this information. Okay. We're excited. You're very excited. So back then, there was no cell phones, obviously. Okay.

Right. What about Waymo's? There's no... Just if we're going to open the story of the technology. Wi-Fi? There was no Wymos. There was no Lime scooters. Okay.

Right? There was... Yeah, right? Expedia.com? Yeah. There was no Boston Dynamics building robots. Amazon was just books. Yeah, yeah.

Amazon was just books. You're right. Dynamics. Yeah. Cool. Good pull. There's a lot of things that they did. didn't have back then. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. Calculator watches. That was like...

Oh, I love the boobs. Yeah. Well, yeah, you can write boobs on any calculator, but if it's on your wrist, you're that much close. Okay, Bobby, go ahead. Okay, anyway, thank you. So back then, there was no cell phones. Yeah. And so, they were gonna, they had fired him, but he didn't get the message, because he left home early to work out or something. Doesn't sound like me? Yeah, yeah. So he's going to go. somewhere and then from wherever he is, goes straight to the table read. Straight from the gym. Yeah, yeah. So he makes it on the lot.

I'm here. Yeah. Shows at the table read. Okay. I'm going to open up the script now. He goes, yeah. No, so he goes to the table. I'm at the table. And his sign, he has a table read. You got on a half a table. Yeah, yeah. And then his name tag isn't there. Where's my name tag? Right. Right.

I have a name. No tape. And his script was in there. No script. And he's standing there in front of the network and the executive. Here I am. Right. It's going by me. It's really good. And somebody had to come up to and goes, you got

fired. I've been fired. Yeah, and he had to slink out. He had to slink out. Yeah, yeah. Oh, wow. Exetering. That's the story. That's the story. Wow. Yeah, yeah. That sucks. Yeah, there's a lot of stories in show business like that. Like Ed O'Neill found out married with children and was canceled from seeing

it on the news. Oh, wow. Nobody wants to break bad news. But you know when you have something good happen, like everyone calls you? Oh, right. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Interesting about the calling. So yesterday was a very big day for me, Pete.

Okay? And it was, I'm being real. And you know about this, right? Very sincere thing that I'm about to say, okay, this is not jokes or this and that. Really important day for me. I had one guy call me to go, you know, I mean, to congratulate me. Oh. Right?

And that was it. Sobies? Sobies. So what do you think it is? Your... Sobies. Yes, sobriety. Yeah, yeah.

So nobody texted me except for San Tino yesterday. I called you yesterday. Oh, Slamtino. You never said happy birthday to my birthday. Yeah, but we talked for like an hour. And you still forgot

that it was my A birthday. You know why? I remember the original one from a couple of years. You've had so many birthdays. Oh, because I'm a relapser. I'm a chronic... That's what she's saying.

I'm a chronic relapse. That's what I got from that. I think you all got that. You have so many anniversaries. Which one of I'm supposed to take serious? Yeah, I did have a November one. Yeah. How long has it been, Bobby?

Four years. Oh, wow. Celebrated four years of Sprottie yesterday. And Santino out of nowhere just called me and goes, happy birthday. Hey, dude. Happy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just did Bill Burr.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just do Bill Burr. Hey, Bobby Lee! Yeah. We're drinking. Who cares? Yeah. I'm not going to text him.

Yeah. I'm going to text him. Hey, Bobby. Good job. Bill Burr did say something very humiliating in front of him. Hivating. Well, I was like, He's like, congratulations, man.

I go, thank you for my special. He produced it. Anyway. He produced mine as well. Ooh. I have a pool. Keep going. Anyway, and I go, it's in front of a lot of people.

And I go, yeah, no, fuck, man. I don't even know. I have to rewrite another hour. And he goes, boo-hoo! In front of everybody. You get me? Oh, somebody has to rewrite. It was making fun of me.

Yeah. You caught the wrong bill. Yeah. Sometimes you get the wrong one. Sometimes you get the sweet bill that's like, come on, man, you can do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, sometimes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's very sweet. I think Bill's very sweet. I love him. I think the angry guys on stage, they let it all out. Would you agree with that? I think so. Just feel like you haven't talked in a while. Oh, okay.

No, I am interested, but I'm also trying to include you. Yeah, yeah. I think, I, thank you so much. I love you. Okay. Very good. You got to come back. Is it over?

No, I mean, I'm just saying In my mind For Oh Yeah, but I think he should come back She's so good Why hasn't he done this?

Why hasn't he done this? After 12, 10 years of doing it? Do you want to, can we talk about your UFC experience? We can't in a second. Okay. We can in a second

I'm a little Why did you guys break up? No, no, all I'm stop talking. Is being domineering. I'm domineering. No, I'm just calling it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You think I'm domineering. Yeah, you're, you. I will say the water. What? If you're a shower, the water goes cold very suddenly. Like you think, you package yourself as a clown, and we all know you as this Bobby Lee, the clown, he's here to make you happy.

And then you're like, shut the fuck up. Gilbert. It's fun. Do you think a guy like this is domineering? Come on. Whatever. I mean, this is not a domineering purchase at all. Yeah, yeah.

He wanted to buy a $3,000 ski mask. That's not a domineering, Pete. It's very humble. I always bought that. What? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. $3,000. It was a gift for a sobriety's birthday.

Yeah, yeah. Well, at least you're doing to something else now. Yeah, yeah. Close. $3,000. He almost about that. Yeah. I believe it.

But I did buy pants for $1,000 yesterday, and I'm never going to wear them again. Oh, my God. What store was this? I don't know. It was a futuristic. Wait, let you try it on? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I feel like that has to be yours.

That's yours now, COVID. Oh, you put your mouth on it? Yes, of course. He didn't wrap his head and wrap first. I mean, it looks great. I love you and swept away. No, what do I mean? Spirited away.

Oh, I love spirited away. The joke would have been much better if you got it right. I got it. He laughed anyway. He's so close. Yeah, yeah. That's like a little gimp, little cotton gimp. Yeah, it is a little,

Cotton gimp. Like a gentler gimp. A gentle gimp. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. They just cuddle. Get my cuddle gimp. He is extremely, I think, George, would you say he's nomineering?

If I have to, yes, but he might dominate me and then I'll have to eat my heart and disagree with myself. We're all afraid to say. Let's get out this out in the open because I had no way. I'm not even aware of this behavioral. He's domineering and he's soft. The spectrum is from one to 50. I think you said it perfectly right with a shower where it's like. like warm and then suddenly cold.

It's like Bill Burr. You don't know which one you're doing? That's right. Oh, Bobby and Lee, you're the same as Bill Burr. Bobby Burr. You never know what you're going to go. Bill Lee. Bill Lee. Like what Forrest said.

Forrest gump. Oh, with a box of chocolate. I got it. I didn't want to say it. Yeah. You know, Forrest. Yeah. Yeah, you're a box of chocolate.

I'm a box of chocolate. Yeah. But that's actually not true. I just, I just think it headlines so hard your goofy silly side. Yeah. It's a surprise when. I also see you, no person more in real time is just trying to assess and figure out. Like I can really see it on your, even right now.

He observes. He observes, yeah. Where is this going? He's calculating. And you can put in a quarter any which way. I could go like, marble madness. And you'll just kind of go on that. Is that right?

Yeah, in the moment. I'm in the moment. Alive. So anywho, thanks for being here. I knew it. No, we're not leaving. I knew you. No, we do hours.

Hours. Yeah, yeah. Because I'm trying to avoid what she's just brought up. The UFC fight. Oh, what was that? You ever go? To UFC?

No, yeah, yeah. You're not a fan of the sport? No. Okay. Whenever I watch it, I'm just like, just talk it out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's the issue?

That's insane. That's Steve Aoki. What is he? He's a DJ. And his dad owes him? You don't know him? Yeah. You know who Steve Ayoki is?

Yeah. It's to me, that's crazy because he is one of the most famous people to me in the world. Steve Ayoki. I mean, if you're into like EDM and that world, yes, but I can get how someone can't know him. That's, yeah. Yeah. I don't keep up with anything

like that. Oh, you don't. Who's the most famous person to you right now? That he knows? He knows a lot. That's a good question. What do you mean? For like pop culture. Yeah, yeah, go ahead. Yeah, like in pop culture, like, who would you say is the most famous person? I mean, Brad Pitt, he knows that. What the heck? You got to let... Like, who's the biggest celebrity right now? It's a ridiculous question.

It's a ridiculous question. I'd go cruise, I'd go pit, I'd go Clooney. Okay. How old are you? Yeah, the cast of Oceans. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But let's try to find a name. Let's try to find a name that's kind of famous that he might not know.

Oh, you'll find it, no problem. Sidney's Sweeney? No idea. Oh, so he's still locked. You really don't know who Citi Sweeney. He's in the 2000s, 90s, 2000 celebrity. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You might not know her face, but.

It's a girl? Yes. Yeah, yeah. Actress? No idea. You really don't. Do you know, Tom Holland? Yes.

Okay, there we go. Zendaya? Wow, wow. Beyonce? Yeah. Okay. Beyonce, obviously. If you didn't know Beyonce...

Oh, is Zendaya her sister? That's Solange. Salonge. And by the way, it's by choice. I tried to do a bit about this. You're only supposed to know there's this great book called Tribe. Yes, I read. Did you read it?

I know the book that everyone talks about on a pod. Very little book. Yeah, it's a great... Tell me about it. about tribes? Good book drop. Yeah. It's just about how we're, how human beings were evolved to live, and we're supposed to live in tribes. And the tribes are only supposed to ever be

as big as about like 100, 150 small communities, yeah. So, the world we live in, I go, you shouldn't know Tom Holland, Tom Cruise, Tom Hanks, Colin Hanks, Ben Affleck, Casey Affleck, Matt Damon, Matt, Matt, Matt, that's a lot, Bobby Lee, Andrew Santino, Bill Bird, Fairfield, Santine. You have the name all hon. 150, we get it.

How easy is it from, we haven't even begun to try, and I could name that many people that easily. You, no wonder you're stressed out, you shouldn't know or care that Ryan Sechrist has lupus. Oh, he has it? See, that's what people always say, no, he doesn't. I don't know if he does, and you shouldn't know if he doesn't. Does he have it? No, I don't think so Nick Cannon does.

Oh, no. You shouldn't know. Nick Cannon has lupus. Wait, Lupus needs you do all those babies? This is a fun podcast. Is it a fun? It's just like you take a topic and you put it in a tornado.

Tiger Valley. That's Tiger Valley. Tiger Valley. I like it. I have ADD too. Yeah, yeah. So you're not frustrating me. But I do think it's interesting

that we know too many people. That's interesting. I'm going to listen. I kind of get that. Because as I've gotten older, just my need to sort of like just tighten up and have less and less in my life.

Just less noise, less everything is really. And that's my, yes, I'm sorry to interrupt. And I love Ohio. Ohio, I understand. him, he probably... No, I wouldn't want Bobby to live in Ohio. Bobby is so L.A., and I mean that in like a really... Like, I like the idea that life is enjoying itself through Bobby in L.A.

Yeah. It would make me sad if you were like... If you had chickens... I love chickens. Yeah, but that's his thing. His whole thing is he wants to live on a farm. No, he doesn't. I do.

No. You don't. Why not? Because he's never done it. That's why... Yeah, because you've never done it. It's so... It's a lot of work.

You have to be up at 5 in a morning. What kind of farm do you want... There's different kinds of farms. No, I don't mean you don't want to live on a farm I don't want to be like, you know what I mean wearing overalls with a pitchfork on. And you don't have to. You mean, the crops seem to be, you mean, forsaken today.

I don't know what this is. I don't know about you. I don't know about you, Bobby. I think a lot of high functioning city people just kind of keep in their back pocket, boy, I'd love to live in Montana. And you're just kind of like, no, you wouldn't. Like Lucille Ball was like, all I want is a family.

And it's like, no. You don't. Or you would do it. Stop making... No, no, no. Can I defend myself? I'm not saying that about you. I'm just telling you what I mean. Oh, please do.

Yeah, so before you get on this tangent, this high and mighty tangent, this Largo attitude is doing. I almost talked for 15 seconds. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right? Oh, the guest almost talked for 15 seconds. Wrong show.

Dun, done. Go ahead. Sorry, I thought I was being welcomed. But go ahead. I apologize. No, I'm totally. Yeah, yeah, very, very good. What I mean by that.

You see, you see it? He's like, oh, no. Is that, um, when I say farm, that's not what I mean. I mean, you know, I mean land where I can have animals run freely, okay? That I can, when I get older, I would like, you know, be more than, I mean, I have, we have a lot of animals. Yeah, we have seven. Seven animals. You want, you want rescued animals.

I like to have more, a big dog. Small dogs. I like other animals. Yeah. And, you know, when I retire from the business, that would be a nice. I would also want to garden. I want to figure that out. I feel like you'd be so good at it.

Yeah, yeah. So there's certain things that I, you know, by being forced out, right? So having, you mean, land, right? I would go to a lot of A. meetings, right? I would be very active in that. I would be active in having a farm and having, not a farm, but like having a garden. Sanctuary, right?

Chituary, yeah. And I would probably force myself to do things. like meditation. How about cooking? Probably taking a culinary class because I'm a big cooking fan. Can I say this is why it's a trope in movies that the cop dies

the day before he was going to retire. Like the ego, our egos will always perpetuate, always one more ride, one more hit, one more show, one more year. And something that was very useful for me, I'm 46, it wasn't absurd to go

like, good life, when? When are we going to do this? When will my daughter leave her bike on the front yard? And we're like, let's do it now. You got to do it now. So there's a time when you go, and I'm not saying this about you. I don't know you well enough.

I think you're right. But I think don't believe, it's like having your cake and eating it too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like I do want that. Like, it just sort of touches my heart, and I relate to what you're saying, going like, I'll live in the country,

I'll garden, I'll meditate. This is something we've got to be proactive about that. stuff. It's not... I can't do it now. I mean, realistic, I can't do it now. What do you mean? Any of that. Why? Maybe just get a chicken. No, because I, number one, you mean, you know what I mean, I'm obligated to responsibilities here. You know what I mean? I have this podcast. I have Andrew, so I can't move, right? You know what I mean? I have to still pay bills and, you know what I mean? Why don't you just get a summer home?

Yeah, yeah. That's very good. Your fist bump was there so long. Oh, I thought she was pointing at me. I thought she was pointing at me. I thought she said, Summer Home. I couldn't see because of the perspective. You still look at it.

Yeah, yeah. It's tricky. The quality of consciousness that brings you success is not the quality of consciousness that helps you enjoy life. So this tenacity that helps you achieve everything you've achieved is not the lens through which you should be looking

to have an enjoyable existence. Damn, Pete Holmes. It's not the land that makes you meditate. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But by the way, I'm not here to fix you. I think you're beautiful. Yeah.

I love, that feels like something in Ohio. In Ohio. That's an Ohio. The whole thing was on a t-shirt in Ohio. We have very long t-shirts. In the book Tribe, though, what else do they talk about? You know what I mean? What am I chat, GPT?

You want me to summarize? You don't read it? Well, man. I did read it. Yeah, yeah. It's funny what sticks with you from a book. It was that 150 thing. I would assume that...

It's also very big on co-sleeping. Sleeping with someone? Well, yeah, I guess you could take it in the adult way. Co-sleeping with a baby. That's not me. Like a baby. My daughter was very young when I read it, and people are very divided on co-sleeping.

They were like, look, if you put your... This is the author of tribe, because it's a hot issue. Parents listening. I respect whatever you're doing. but he makes the argument that if you put a baby in a room by itself and let it cry it out, it thinks it's going to be eaten by wolves. Everything in its DNA. The cortisol spike. It's genetic makeup says I'm going to die. Not even just the baby. When I had my baby,

I had bought a crib. I had been taught sleep training. I had read the books. When I had my baby, I was a mess putting my baby in a different room. So I was like, fuck this, fuck whatever society says I should do. I grew up in the Philippines. Co-sleeping is very natural for me. So I just did that. We, yeah. And we still co-sleep. My daughter, seven, she climbs in bed with us all all the time. I love it. It's the sweetest thing ever. And then your son is going to be 30 years old still living with you.

Well, see, but that's a silly argument. That's a silly argument because what you're actually instilling. Get me a new PlayStation, Mom. No, but you're instilling in these babies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Move over. I'm trying to sleep. It's attachment. I actually would argue it's the opposite. My daughter is fearless. We went to a

like a swimming hole. And there was this big cliff and only grown men, muscular, ripped guys were jumping off this cliff. My daughter was six years old. She climbed up. Yeah, she's Laura Croft. Oh, it's a ref. That's a ref I can get.

Not a compliment. I can. I'm just saying it was a 2000s reference. Yeah, it makes sense. Well, she is Lara Croft, but it's Laura, too, by the way. That is also true. That's also true. She jumped off the thing because we go when my daughter does something brave and she doesn't have to be brave, but she just is a fierce child.

I go, she's attached. She's very close with us. But when we get in a social situation, she's like, bye. And you go, that's an attached child. Yeah, securely attached. They build their attachment in the first three years of life. Yeah. So it's like if they're left in another room.

And by the way, this is no fault to like mothers and parents. Like I think just how it works in the United States, it's really hard to not sleep train your child. who has the liberty to just stay home all day and not sleep at night? Because co-sleeping is hard. Yeah. It felt very natural to do it. Yeah. Yeah.

And especially we just have the one, so there's just this baby between them. It's like these walls. It's like she lives in a valley between her parents and she just slept so good. Oh. I would do the same. It's my favorite. I know you would. You would absolutely do the same.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think my parents left me. Yeah. And what sucks is you were raised by wolves and even the, they left. Also, the Laura Croft joke, I said it wrong because I said it really quickly. You already heard it's Laura.

Whatever it is. Angelina Jolene. When I do jokes about quick, you know what? Jolene. Anyway, um, what? There's a new Laura Croft though that's being cast.

Laura. Lara. Laura. Laura. Yeah. Like Lara bites? Yeah. Oh, lover.

Very talented. Very funny. Yeah, Laura. Has she been on it? Just sorry. She's been on my other show. She's so funny. I really want to share a tidbit, though, about Laura Croft, but you first.

Because the new person that's cast is Sonsa Stark. Oh, that's right. I heard they're doing the PlayStation version, and they cast a cyber truck as her. Have you seen those memes? Yeah, I did. They're great. A cyber truck with big boobs? Well, the original Lara Croft looked like a cyber truck.

Oh, angular and pointy. Yeah, brutalist. Go ahead. No, it's not important. No, no, you can't do that and then do that. Okay, so when I was growing up, my dad had told me that my, or his uncle was this very prolific thief. Wow. And this very mythical kind.

Everyone was like, oh, he was a legend. And it turns out that my dad's uncle was the original Tomb Raider. And his name was Byron de Pro Rock, Cune. and yeah, I'm... Dwayne Pro Rock Johnson? Yeah, and so, yeah, and so, the original Tomb Raider. I'm a descendant of the original Tomb Raider. So when you call me Laura Croft in our relationship, you're like, it makes sense.

Did he rob tombs? Yeah, he did. So he actually came from a really rich family, and he did it. Whoa. The archaeological community and was very much against him, because he was a rich kid who just dug out tombs against all other, like, rules and laws. And what he did was very unethical. You're related to this guy?

Yeah, so I did my DNA, my ancestry. And he was right there. He's plotting the murder of his nemesis. Yeah. I thought my dad was this like, just, he was like, he's fucking lying. He's lying. And it turns out it's true. I feel like everyone looks like that in the 1920s.

It's true. Well, my uncle was the original Zelda. Wow. How's that feel? Wow. So why was... That's your uncle? Oh, that's the same last name.

Yeah. That's incredible. Yeah. Byron. Byron. Hungarian. You have a good gene. Gene, good genes.

Gene Hong. Yeah, Gene Hong. Nice. Nice. Call back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a count. I don't know any counts.

How about your heritage? Cat, do you have good heritage? No, not really. Yeah, yeah. The line is not good? No, not so much. I know there's some, we came in the, on the pilgrim. There's some pilgrim people.

And, yeah, I still don't have. They were in a boat? Huh? What are they in a boat? Yeah. But I'm still like overdrafted at Chase. so I don't know if we were making great decisions back then. But no, we didn't.

Any investment? Nothing. I just, nothing. Are there any notable homes in your history? That's a good question. Well, there's Oliver Wendell Holmes. You're related to him? We're all in there.

You can't just. No, no, no, no. In your like, that you know of, like. John Holmes is the porn, sir? Yeah, that's your part of your, like your cousin, second cousin? Yeah, we called him Shorty. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Amen. Yeah. He had a very large gentleman.

Big, dick. That's who Boogie Nights is based on. Is it really? Yeah, yeah. Oh, I love that movie. You know John Holmes? John Holmes? I don't know who John Holmes is, but I know Mark Walper. He also was one of the most prominent, he died of AIDS. You did die of the Hiv. Yeah, yeah, yeah, unfortunately. Dang. Hard to have a somber tone when you call it the Hib.

You can't have both. You can't have both? Okay, all right. Do you go to church with your family or no? No. You're not religion. I'm not religious. Yeah, yeah. But I'm aggressively spiritual, like a bit much.

Me too. Oh, yeah? Which way? Up. Up? Every which way and up? Yes. Just energy in general.

But what do you mean by that? I'm just, it's a weird question. I guess I'm just saying, talk more about that. Oh. Spirituality would just be in like karma and good nature and that kind of positive energy. And I think I believe in. God, but not necessarily like as a deity, but as like a...

We're in alignment there. How old are you? 34. Oh, wow. Yeah. I guess 20. Seems young, right? Yeah. Very young. Very young. Young voice, too. Oh, thank you. Yeah. Yeah. I can't see. Almost childlike. I'm zooming in, so I can't...

Yeah, yeah. Why do you say it like that? I'm 54. 54. You know that? 54? You look great. Thank you. Yeah, yeah. I'm old. No. Yeah. You're going to get... I don't feel... I'll be honest with, though. I feel like a child.

I feel whimsical. I run around. Went to the spa this weekend. Nice restaurants like I said. Almost bought a $3,000 ski mask. About a thousand dollars. I was just close. You were really close.

I was really close. No one doesn't believe it. What breaks our hearts is we all believe it. What's the most of you would spend on like a jacket or pants or something? Well, it's a little virtue signally, but I once bought a jacket. It was in New York. It was when we were filming crashing. So I was just kind of like,

you know, having a little bit more money than I was used to. Yeah. And I was like freezing my ass off and I was in a very nice neighborhood. And I went into one of those, Montclair. I love Montclair. I love Montclair. So I was like, I always see people wearing those puffy jackets. They look so nice.

I'm just going to go get one. Yeah. Go in the store. They're giving out champagne. Yeah. They just have champagne. None of the jackets have prices on them. Exactly.

And I'm like, I couldn't believe they just let me walk in. Yeah, yeah. I found one that I liked. And it's like a Christmas tree. Don't put the tree in your car until you ask them how much it did. Exactly. Because you're at the front and you're like, I want this one. And it was $1,000.

Yeah, yeah. And I was embarrassed and I bought it. I didn't want to put it back. But I was like, this is way too much for a jacket. Yeah. But the virtue signal part is I felt so bad I donated $1,000 to the New York Winter Coat charity. So 3,000. You felt bad about it.

Yes. Okay. Spending that amount of money. money on something very expensive made you feel bad? Yes. I mean, I can argue that there's nothing wrong with that, sure. But this was my first really big purchase. I can see your $1,000 pants running around a muck as I say that.

No, I just don't have written. When you're in New York, you're, nothing. You live up here in the hills in your fancy toy room and you don't really see poverty. When you're in New York and you buy a thousand dollar coat, the next thing you do is step over a guy who's dying. Can I just say something? What's that? I'm around poverty all the time.

How's that? My whole family's impoverished. I mean, I hang out with comics that are impoverished. You know what I mean? I just meant, no, no, no, let's stop. I hang out with more, you know what I mean? Impoverish people. What about flexes?

I have them shift in. The most exotic. I hang out with more of this level of comedian than I was a level. You know what I mean? Like almost borderland open mic. So as we're telling these stories about $1,000 Jackets. How do you feel? I just, I've never

been able to afford anything like that. I'm saying you're on a TV show, you're out of your mind. You're in a TV show that Judd Abattel is producing. It's for HBO, right? And you deserve one Montclair jacket. Well, I don't, I still have it. Yeah. I still have it. It's been 10, almost 10 years.

So, yeah. Oh, you don't remember the Montclair jacket story in New York. We were both in New York, and this is when he wasn't quite One is my rent. You're one and a half. Go ahead. Don't say scar. That broke my heart.

Sorry. Sorry for that riff. Don't say sorry. You had one Montclair vest, the camo Montclair vest. My favorite one, I still have it. Exactly. And you walked into Montclair. Sorry.

He's dead. It wasn't his $1,000 pants. Those are the $1,000 pants? Yeah, yeah. What's so special about them? They look like you poo-pooed in there. They come pre-pooed. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I like, are those converse, though? Those are my shoes I'm wearing now. Anyway, these are golden glues. Oh, that's... 850. 8.50. Anyway, go ahead. 50.

Yeah, yeah. Go ahead. Chuggy. I don't hate him. The pants? The shoes, the golden goose. Anyway. Anyways.

Do you remember this story, Bobby, about Montclair? Hey this shit. You went in and you were bragging about how you had this. You wanted the sales lady to know that you owned a Montclair vest. Why does she need a... You were like, do you remember that season? They came out with a camel one and she's like, no, I don't. She's like, well, I own a Montclair.

And you picked one out and you took it to the counter. And then what did we do after that? I don't remember. She said the price and we ran away. Yeah, at the time I couldn't afford it. Yeah, we ran away. We ran away. How much was it?

Good for you. It was actually, wait, more, yeah, it was more than 1,000. It was definitely like up there. Yeah. At the time, I was too embarrassed. Yeah, that makes sense. You're in the basement. You have to, like, go up the stairs.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. With no jacket. You're right. You're right. I couldn't afford it. There was times in my life I couldn't afford it. Yeah, that was. Why bring that up?

Those were the fun times. Those are the good times. Yeah, I don't even wear a baby. He doesn't like them. He has like a highlighter green Montclair vest. He hates it. I hate it. No, I gave it away.

Oh, you did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But anyway, let's move on from Montclair. You know what I mean? It's him wearing his Monclair. That's a good one. It's a good one. It matches your hair.

It matches your hair. It matches your hair. I forgot your hair cut. All right. I do, I remember this about you. I have a certain bead on you and you always surprised me. Yeah. Yeah.

It's nice. So anyway, why you're so entertaining. Can I want to say one thing about the Montclair? Yeah. He's back. If I wasn't wearing that particular Montclair jacket, David Spade would not know who I was. I mean, that sentence made my dick go inside my body.

That was crazy. Can I tell you why? Your belief system is wild. It's wild. I believe this. Can I tell you why? Tell me. Because David would never talk to me ever.

And he bought a jacket and he talked to? No, so I was wearing that Montclair jacket. I was at the comedy store. He walked up to me. Never had said anything to me before in his life. He took his finger and he put his finger around the Montclair logo. And he goes, someone's doing well. And ever since then, we've been friends.

And is friends in quotes? Or do you want me to do that for you? I mean, what is this? The sad tales from Hollywood hollowness? Welcome to people trying to fill a hole that only love can fill with jackets and David Spade anecdotes. Get out of this. That's a funny thing he did. Yeah, I also could be making it up.

No, but that's the thing. It's funny because I think he tried to talk to you so many times before that, and you only viewed that as the moment. I scored. You scored so many times already on the podcast? How many scores do you want? That was a big score. All of the scores. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You can't take that. It was a clip. It was a clip. That was a clip for. There's someone who is a clip to this? That was a clip. And by the way, yeah, yeah, by the way, what?

That's someone who doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Yeah, yeah. I know David a little bit. Why would he be mad at that? Yeah, yeah. Because you thought he wasn't your friend? I see a really tender heart in there, Bobby. I love him.

Yeah, yeah. I mean you. I am very tender. You are tender, and you're worried. Worried in a beautiful way. You want people to feel okay. How do you feel about Pete so far? I love Pete.

He's great. Very funny, right? Yeah, he's awesome. Yeah, yeah. He's very kind. You're like him? Very nice. Yeah.

Now, Pete, not pictures. If he sees you at the comments or you think he'll like be a dick to you or? No. Will you remember her? I'd need you to go. Bobby Lee's podcast.

Okay. And that has nothing to do with you. I wish that wasn't true about me. Yeah, yeah. But if I'm thinking about my set or trying to get ready, somebody comes up to me. Yeah,

I just did that to Trevor Wallace, who's a very funny comedian and who was in a movie I was in. I know who was. And I just walked right by him. And it was just because I was thinking about my lines. Yeah. Sometimes you heard people. Who's that?

Trevor Wallace, very funny. See, that's my Zandaya. No, he's done this podcast so many times. Oh, you're joking. Yeah. Using comedy. No, it's a tribe thing. I like your comedy.

It's a tribe thing. I only know 150. It's a tribe thing. Yeah, yeah. Do you know Sean Combs? P. Diddy. Yeah. No, I don't think he does.

Great parties. Great parties have heard. Yeah, yeah. Why didn't that get a laugh? Is it too soon? Yeah, yeah. Because when it didn't get a laugh, Because I don't follow the news.

So when you ask me to riff on stuff, I'm like, I know he's in trouble, baby oil. I'm the guy, I get my news from the world. I hear it from people. I see. So I get it from an unreliable source, just not one that I have to pay. Okay, can I say this? I don't know much about it either. I just know that there was a party or whatever.

But I never saw the documentary. I know bits and pieces. I think I'm like that with a lot of major social, not major, you know what I mean? Entertainment news and lore and all that stuff. I think the thing is like as someone who's opted out of so many things, updates, social media, all that stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You'll be fine.

Like, people will tell you. Like, if you're like, oh, I can't get off Instagram, I won't know, you will. People are fucking summarizing that shit poorly. Yeah. That's all you're doing. Amen. You just stand in half horseshoe patterns going like, well, now Elon just bought. Yeah.

And you're just like, all right. And you know as much as everybody. Yeah, I don't think I've ever missed out on something from not reading or learning about it. Just try it. Yeah, I love that. Just try it for, you can try it for a week. You'll be shocked at how little you miss. Yeah.

Interesting. What's your screen time? What do you mean? What's your daily? Look at your phone. Open your phone. That'd be interesting. What's your daily?

Should we all see ours? I know mine. What's yours? How do you figure out your... Mind's a real flex. What do you mean? What does the screen time mean? Go to settings.

Feddings. Type in screen time, maybe. And then what do I do? And the search. You can also make it a widget on your phone. Oh, that's smart. So search screen time? I like you.

What's your name again? Gilbert. Gilbert. Okay, I'm high today, 54 today. 54 minutes? And then what do I do? See, that's the flag. Click the screen time.

Only somebody with low screen time asks people to tell. What is your daily average? It says right now daily average. Yeah, okay. Daily average is at three hours and 24 minutes, but it does say here, 53% down from last week. Wow. Oh, okay.

So you were five, six hours. Yeah, six hours. A day? A day? A day? That's good, right? A nine to five job where someone works nine to five, you're on your phone. Is that good?

That's normal. Now you'll know. Seven's about normal. Fifty-four minutes, wow. I didn't have mine on. If you click it again. Here, hold on. Just click it again.

One more time. Well, Pete wins. 54 minutes is kind of crazy. Just wait. How do you consume your podcasts or anything else? It doesn't count podcasts. We're talking about looking at a screen. But see, we do our podcast on YouTube.

Yeah, yeah. You can still listen to it. Yeah, but it still counts as a screen time. Even if you listen to it. Yeah. So I stare at my screen for three hours and 24 minutes. It's actually really low. It's saying it's down 50%.

That might be why mine's 54 because I haven't been looking at my phone, but I listen to a podcast way down on YouTube. Can I ask you in the morning, how long do you go before you check your phone? Love this question. Do you biohack a little bit? I do. I do. Yeah.

that. I do. Red light therapy, maybe. I do red light therapy, but not religiously. I have it in, I have a sauna. Cold plunge? I cold plunge, yeah, all that stuff. I don't look at my phone. I'll take my phone. Yeah. And I'll put it in my pocket, but I won't look at it. And I love that question because I noticed that my best time is the two hours before I look

at my phone. That's it. And what psycho needs a reply at 8 in the morning? No one. Or 7 in the morning. Nobody. Maybe debt collectors. Exactly. So you're sitting down. down, you get creativity first.

It sets your brain for the rest of the day. I do email and text at like noon. There you go. I'll try to go that long. But you know, you look at it, you look at the home screen to see if there's any like emergencies or any. And I also do want to say this that there's some, that not Bobby,

but there are some people that don't have that luxury. But there are a lot of people who do have that luxury who do not take advantage. Totally. Do you charge your phone outside of your bedroom? I don't, but it's far from my bed. I started that this year. No phone in the room.

Nice. Difference? Sorry. Big difference. Wait, what? In what? In what? Sleep? You don't charge your phone in your bedroom?

No. No, not anymore. Where do you charge it? Upstairs. In the bathroom. So how do you wake up? By 10 p.m.? I get alarm clock.

This is my alarm clock. Children. Don't use it. Oh, children will do it. Oh, children. I open all my shades of the sun comes. Can I just say this is lying? Because I got up at noon?

And it already says I have an hour and 30 minutes to screen time. That makes no sense. That makes no sense. It does. It's almost 4 o'clock, though. Yeah, you had time. I spent an hour and 30 minutes. It's adding it up.

Every time you're on. Oh, right now it's adding. Think about us in Vegas, dude. Us just eating. You know how often we're just like, we're talking about this? Oh, you're right. My Filipino for a friend. Yeah, yeah.

All right, so Pete, do you still have, do you want to promote anything? I have a special. I have a tour. Go to pittomes.com. I just had to cancel some tour dates, which was such a bummer. Why? I had the stomach flu. Oh no.

Awful. It was awful. But Miami, I have a monthly show in L.A. at Largo, as we've discussed. Awesome. Royal Oak, Michigan, Irving, Texas, Irving, yeah. Madison, Wisconsin, and Denver. I don't have a lot of dates right now. Okay.

We're stepping back to one a month. You have a pod? I have a podcast called You Made It Weird. Bobby's been on it. I have been on it. Yes, you have, dude. Episode 399. Even I know that.

It's got like podcasts. When did I do it? I went to your house? Nerdus, I think. You did it, nerdis. Yeah. This was before... 2018.

I've been doing my podcast for over a decade. So it was a long time ago. I remember. Well, you were going through girls' stuff. It might have been with you. I think so. We were fully together. In 2019?

Yeah. No, 18. We were fully no problem together. Oh, nice. Okay, okay. So it wasn't girl stuff, but I remember I encountered your tender heart. Pete, we're holding this until your special releases on 800-pound gorilla's website.

Yes, on February 23rd? It just released. Okay. Yesterday. Okay. How many specials have you done? This is my sixth. Wow.

Oh. Yeah. That is too. That's what I'm going to be proud of. Last week ago. Last week one was my first. Really? Yeah, yeah.

Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your sixth one. Well, I did a record with Comedy Central called Impregnated with Wonder. That was my first hour. That's not like you work on it for 10 years hour. Yeah. It's really holds a special.

That was my. Work for 30 years. My was 30 years. Ha ha. And then I did one with Comedy Central called Nice Try the Devil, and then I did one on HBO called Faces and Sounds. Then I did another one on HBO called Dirty Clean. Then I did one on Netflix called I Am Not for Everybody.

And now I have a new one called Silly, Silly, Funboy, and it's on YouTube. Wow. So many. So, we're going to. The website right now. Sorry, it's the website right now, and it'll be on YouTube in a month. Oh, it's on 800-pound gorilla's website right now. Okay, so it's like a pre-release thing.

Yeah, and we're trying to get, because the way Netflix doesn't now, we're not, I am not for everybody's not on Netflix anymore, so we're gonna get it on my YouTube. Oh, nice. Oh, cool. Yeah. You get to reown it. Reown it. Yeah, maybe I'll tell you later. What do you mean? What the heck? Okay, sorry. Yeah, yeah. What is your fucking problem, man?

We give you opportunity here. I ask why. No, no, we give you opportunity. You know what I'm always pulling for you. And then all of the same, what the heck? What's going on, dude? You got a little, you remember what you said ice water? No, no, no, no, what you're going to do? What you got to do is check yourself. sometimes. Turning cold. I swear to God do it. Oh, right? Check yourself. You work for him in another

capacity? Not really. You open for him sometimes. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sometimes. Not really, huh? That's very interesting behavior. Wow. Yeah, yeah. Sorry, Cat. Yeah, yeah. It really is the cold shower thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got you. I'm here. I'm not nice.

No, you are nice. Wow. Do nice people do this? I'm not nice. That was amazing. You nice people do that? Yeah. They do. I'm glad I'm here. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Kind of like you're here, too. The power. I'll tell you this. I'll tell you this, Pete. You come back every year. You drive two hours and come here. I don't care. Every year you come back.

Monday is my L.A. day. You can have me any Monday. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because we don't really have people come back every year. How many people come back? I mean, a handful. Theo's done like nine times. Yeah, yeah.

You come back as an opposite as you want because I had a good time with it. It's weird. Oh, listen to this episode. Oh, there it is. Two hours. You did it in 2018. 2018. Oh.

Damn, you did it a two-hour pod. Wow, that's amazing. Yeah, that was good. I left that picture. Splitting up together. Oh, that was on that sitcom. I drew that. That's cool.

Remember I was on that sitcom? Do you remember? I don't know. Do you guys remember? It's so funny. You know, I look back at my, sometimes I look back at my career and go. Oh, yeah, I did that.

Yeah. You kind of forget or whatever. Yeah, it's a nice thing. Yeah, it's a nice thing. Do you look back at crashing with fondness? I'm waiting to get to the point where I can watch it. When people tell me that they like it and they find it funny, I find that very confusing.

Yeah, yeah. Why? You can't watch it? No, when I watch it, we used to, I edited the show, was involved in the editing. It was very hard and watching myself. And I used to sing the song where I went, Every shot of memory.

So every shot, I would remember that day, that lunch, those people, how I felt, how it went, how I thought it would go. It's overwhelming. So maybe it's been enough time that I could watch it and just see it as a show. Because I'm sure, like, we're rewatching Flight of the Concordes right now, me and my wife, and I was like, I love it. And I'm sure those guys are like, oh, that was the day that we couldn't get in the back door thing. Oh, right, right.

You know, like they had some conflict or something. Yeah. So I'd like to see it anew. But I haven't yet. I can't do it. You seen it? As a young comic, I'm curious. Crushing? Yeah, you don't have to have. I have. I'm just curious because it's kind of for you guys. That was the hope to capture the vibe of the starting.

Be honest, did you see it? Yes. I like that. You should always be smoking. Yeah. Mikey and I watched this together. Oh, cute. I hated that picture. Jed pushed for that picture. Really? I hated it. Why? I just, what am I doing? Yawning, yelling.

We took all these great, like, oh, I'm sleepy, I'm put out, I'm forlorn. That really is on Manetta Lane, right, by the comedy seller. We really put that couch there. I kind of get it, though. I mean, I could. I mean, he knows what he's doing. I didn't push back. In fact, I didn't push back the entire show.

It was great. You can't with Judd. I think you can. Some people do. Yeah. I never did. I never do. Honestly, Bobby, I feel like you could.

I don't think so. If he gave me, if Judd gave me a, a number. I would do the note. Judd, can you give him a note? I just feel like we could see your butthole later. All right, Bobby, respond. That's my opener. No, no, you don't want to open with a bottle.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You open with that. People like it, they test well. Tease it with the tape. All right, Judge. Okay. Tease with the tape. Yeah, yeah. Too many people do, Trump.

Anyway, Pete, I had a really good time with you today. Thanks, for being part of our program. Thanks, for trying to cut all your zingers out. You can't cut this tape. Because you have really good zinger. in there. The spade thing. Too good.

Yeah, we'll see. But there's a lot of stuff that's... Come on, Filipino. Yeah, but the Filipino stuff stays in. But sorry about your Robin Hood, that whole joke. I don't know if that worked. I think it did.

A good jacket. Yeah, yeah. But anyway, I learned a lot from you today about tribes and elitism and Largo and stuff like that. And your cool friends. But anyway, no, I really do. He wants to be invited.

No, I've done it. I've also been a very big. It doesn't sound like you like. I'm a big fan. I'm a big fan of yours. I appreciate it. And I really think you're so great. Thanks.

And you know, I'll tell you another thing, you know what? I mean, if this means anything. You've always been just such a nice guy. I appreciate that, of course. No, I'm being real. Like, there's not, I've never heard anything negative about you ever. It's right to me. And so I think you're a kind guy.

I think for driving like all that way to come here. I didn't. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway. Yeah.

And, um, what a voyage. What a voyage. What a journey. And thank you so much for being here. People think I lived too hard to do that. Have about a nice, happy birthday to me because of my sobriety. Congratulations. I'm gonna realize.

I'm gonna re-lap. I'm gonna tell myself. I'm gonna pizza, don't realize. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get Pete a round of applause. Woo! Thank you for having me, Pete.