TigerBelly - Riley Reid is QUITTING to start Comedy

Episode Date: January 29, 2025

Riley Reid joins us for the 1st time and Jamie eats balut. We chat Ukrainian kids, bean sleeper, electro quartz seduction, Bobby Fleshlight, and $80 stripclub.  Start earning points on rent you’re already paying by going to www.joinbilt.com/belly Make sure to use our URL so they know we sent you: www.joinbilt.com/belly, to start earning points on your rent payments today. With Robinhood Gold, you can now enjoy the VIP treatment, receiving a 3% IRA match on retirement contributions. The new gold standard is here with Robinhood Gold. To receive your 3% boost on annual IRA contributions, sign up at www.robinhood.com/gold New players can play five bucks to get a spin on the mystery wheel for a shot at up to TWO THOUSAND in Casino Credits! Download the app and sign up with code TIGERBELLY. Then play Dollar Up exclusively on DraftKings Casino.

First I was afraid, I was petrified. Didn't know how long I've been. Very good. You're a singer too. You're great at lyrics. Amazing. Let's start. So today we have, Riley Reed is here. Riley, where are you from?

I was born Miami Beach. On the beach? On the beach. No, in a hospital or on a beach? In a hospital, but my birth certificate says Miami Beach. It's a city in Miami. How cool would it be to be born on a beach though? Oh, that sounds like Sandy.

It's Sandy, yeah, but you'd probably become a surfer. Not in Miami. Okay, okay. We don't have surf waves. I don't know much about it. You've never been? Yeah, I'm gonna go, where am I going, in two weeks? Is that the first time you're going?

No, I've been there before, but I just don't like, you know what I mean? He doesn't like also music. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't like it. He doesn't like Congo music. I don't like Congo. What? Yeah, I don't like any of that, man.

How dare you try to insult my people? Well, no, but there's a lot of, you know what I mean, a cocaine and all that stuff, I don't like it. But you know what? It's the game, the Grand Theft Auto game that was pretty cool. You know, some of those, yeah, yeah. But so you're born.

You don't like the plantains, empan cool. You know, some of those, yeah, yeah. But, so you were born. Like plantains and bananas. You're a plantain person? You prefer plantains over bananas, dog? Yes, actually I think I'm slightly allergic to bananas. Why, do you get diarrhea? No, my tongue gets really itchy. Oh really?

Oh, I didn't know that. All fruit or just that? Why would you know that? Why would you know that about me? It's a fun fact, we all know. She gets, her tongue gets all bumpy when she eats bananas. Not bumpy, itchy. Itchy, whatever, whatever.

So you prefer plantains over bananas. Yeah. You don't get itchy mouth with plantains. No, probably because they're cooked. Have you cooked a banana? There we go. No. See, okay, so.

Should we try it? So empanada, what's that all about? Oh my God, it's so good. It's like a pastry filled with like beef and olives and delicious sauce. I know what it is! Oh, well I don't know. What's it all about though?

Your feeling when you eat it. My feeling is like I'm at home. Wait, you're Cuban? Yeah, what are you? That I'm Puerto Rican and Dominican. Oh really? Yeah. Oh wow. I'm Mexican over here. Same. My food is better. It's not the same. It's not the same. It's not the same. It's definitely not the same. Thank you Riley. We're like island people. Do you speak Spanish? Poquito. Okay, you don't know what that means, dog.

You know what, you don't need to know. Okay, it's fine. Very, very little. Yeah. I don't have money. I wasn't asking for money. Wow. Wow.

Wow. Do you think if you asked money as a homeless person in Hispanic, Mexican, or Spanish, you get more or less money, you think? More. Give me something to say as a homeless person I don't know what to say Like I'm asking for money go ahead like in Spain. Oh, you're asking. Yeah. Yeah, ask me. What do I say? What do you mean? Bobby let's have some patience. Sorry, I said this guy you know he's never in a book. Is that why you put him so far?

Because I took an edible right now. Did you really? No. Okay. Why do you lie? Why do you lie so much? What's wrong with you? Can I not take edibles?

Yeah, forget about this homeless thing. I've lost interest. Let's address other things. Let's address other things I've lost interest. So you were born in Miami Beach, Florida. And you were raised there. Yes. And then, are your parents still together?

No. Okay. Was it a nice home, broken home, what happened? Broken home. Yeah, we all have broken homes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was a lot of sadness? Yeah.

I actually repressed a lot of my memories so I don't have much childhood memories. Oh, you don't? No. Right, you probably fantasize a lot? About, like when I was a kid? I don't have much childhood memories. Oh, you don't? No. Right, you probably fantasize a lot? About, like when I was a kid? I don't remember. At all?

I feel like I only remember at like age 10 and up. Oh, before that you don't remember. I don't really remember much, no. I remember a lot. I wish I could forget like you. Oh. Yeah, I have a lot of, I had therapy last week and we talked about a lot of the things that happened to me before

I was 10. Oh, and I couldn't believe I remembered so much. That's really cool I know the beatings Is it cool really I think it's cool I wish that I would have remembered my life because then maybe I would be a you know, a better person because then maybe I would be a better person. I don't know. Really? I don't know. I mean, I feel like it's normal for people to remember.

So I think you're a good person, no? Yeah, I think I'm a pretty good person. Yeah, and you're getting better as you get older, you think? Yeah, I am. Yeah, I think so. Would you help somebody out that was struggling that you didn't know? I'm actually fostering two children from Ukraine who are refugees from the war. Oh wow.

So yes, I do help people. What war? You're a good person. Hello. I'm a pretty good person. What war, dude? Yeah, you are. There's a war there?

No, she's a friend. I know there is. Zelensky, the whole thing. I get it. Yeah. Oh, so are they petrified? I love the word. The Lansky the whole thing I get it. Yeah. Oh, so are these are they petrified? Don't if you bring up the word petrified I'll say that a bunch wasn't that in the lyric and the music in the first? Yeah Yeah, so are they?

Good kids. Yeah, actually they are through for everything. They've been through. They're actually pretty great kids. I can't imagine That was a humor you think uh They are through for everything they've been through. They're actually pretty great kids. I can't imagine that. They have a good sense of humor. You think? Yeah. I would have a good sense of humor. Yeah, but they don't really talk about like. They love Putin jokes. What are you talking about?

Who you ask? Do they have a, they just let the war torn country. I mean one's like six years old, so you can only have. You can still laugh, right? So much. Yeah. Yeah. Just wondering. I mean one's like six years old so he can only have so much humor. Just wondering.

A Russian, a Ukrainian walk into a bar, that kind of thing? What's the punchline there? I don't even know. Bartender goes, hey, stop it, stop fighting. And the Ukrainian goes, what? Stop looking at us. I need a punchline. I don't want to finish this joke.

And the Ukrainian says what? You know what I mean? I'm not fighting, he's beating me up. Stop looking at us. I need a punchline! I don't want to finish this joke! And the Ukrainian says what? You know what I mean? I'm not fighting. He's beating me up. Yeah. Okay, that's a good joke. Are their parents okay? No. In what way? They're deceased.

Yeah, it's like really sad. And how old are the kids? Six and twelve. my god god bless the Lord yeah how do you one go through that process how did someone reach out like do you reach out to them we're like friends with like a brother of theirs who's just like not able to like help take care of them right now but so we're like doing some temporary fostering so that the brother can like get his stuff together and then... So the brother's Ukrainian, obviously. No, they're all here. I know, but the brother... The friend. Excuse me? A friend, right?

Yeah, the friend is the brother. Okay, I get what you're saying. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But what I'm saying is, I don't want it clear. No, I got it. So the brother, right, it's his siblings' kids. No, it's his. Please tell me. They're just his brothers. Oh, they're his brothers. They're all brothers.

They're all brothers. Okay, my bad. Okay. And do they speak English? Yes. Okay, good. They just learned it here though. They've been here for about a year.

Wow. Give Riley Reed a round of applause. Yes, okay good. They just learned it here though. They've been here for about a year Wow give Riley read These boys you know they're two boys yeah, oh That's so sweet. Are they going to school? Yes. Oh, that's great. Yeah, they're not rebellious or anything a little bit But they're actually pretty good like they're laughing while you're laughing I thought that they would be worse with what they've been through you never seen like movies, dude. Yes. I've seen movies Yeah, dude, like I thought like if I like took away his phone that he'd be like Punching all right. Fuck you bitch But yes, look up a lot

Yeah, but my what I'm saying is is that because some maybe because you know, they don't know they've been through Yeah, they think that yeah blah. Yeah, but what I'm saying is that because maybe, because they don't know how to. Because everything they've been through, yeah. They would be. Yeah, and they have to, you know what I mean? Coping mechanisms. Yeah. Yeah.

You're so on it, dude. Trust me, I was afraid of it all. But they're actually doing really well. So it's still a day by day process. Is there a fund that I can contribute to? Oh no. If you ever need a fund, I'll contribute. That's so sweet.

Yeah, I want them to get me some Nike's. I think that there's a lot of other families who need some help. No, just your kids, I want those two. They're really cool kids. I'm trying to like find a fan for them. Manscaped, would they shave yet or no? I can get some manscaped.

12. Okay, my bad, you know what I mean? Whatever sponsor us. The other one's six. And we got, you know know what I mean? Whatever we're responsible for us. The other one's six. And we got, you know, what are these Filipino beverage, food that you got us, EJ? Ensamadas.

Ensamadas. If they want some of those, maybe. They can take a couple. Yeah, don't know, we're not eating that right now. So Riley, did you get bad grades in that school? No, I did, I was an exceptional student. I did, I like graduated early with college credits. So you were hot. I had a scholarship.

So you were hot. Were you hot then? I was not hot. When were you hot? I got hot after starting porn. I think. No, you gotta be hot before. No, I wasn't.

Yeah, no, you gotta be hot. No, but I wasn't. I'm not gonna ask him. I go, you wanna do porn? And then he turns into East Side Morales. I got hot in an hour, a year later. I really got hot later. And like, I also tell like so many girls,

I'm like, don't do plastic surgery or anything because like I didn't get hot until I was like in my mid 20s, I feel like. Like early, I was such an awkward like teenager, 18. I was still kind of like pudgy face and like I had a weird haircut and I had a really bad acne. Really?

Yeah, I took Accutane. Do you remember your first scene? Kind of, yeah. Were you nervous? Yeah, yeah. What? I think anybody will be nervous. You do porn?

How about I miss that? Don't, bro. I think anyone would. I thought you were. Bro, first of all, we don't call it, I'm so sorry about you. No, it's okay. No, I went out Paul.

Adult film. I don't know what he does. Yeah, yeah, look at me right now. Yeah, nothing. I know some stuff. He eats beans, right? He thinks all he's eating. He eats beans and he sleeps.

He eats beans. Yeah, he's a bean sleeper, okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't eat beans. And there's some Hispanics like that. You're a bean sleeper and you gotta think through your questions before you ask cuz that was rude. Okay I don't know you do those film star. How do I miss them? She's the biggest No, I don't watch porn at all, you know

Hey Jaime do I look like I watch porn? Yes, you're a bean sleeper. bro. You're a bean sleeper, dude. They all eat, watch it. How do I have time? Can I just say something to you right now? I eat bean. No, shut the fuck up for a second, okay? I eat bean. I've never seen you so rude. I wanna say something right now, okay?

Is he trying to show off? I don't know what he's doing. Yeah, he has machismo. You know how the Mexicans have the machismo? The machismo's coming. I'm half the man. Right. I wanna say, number one,

she's probably one of the biggest stars. In the adult industry? To me, you were my favorites. Oh, thank you. Okay, and number two, Evelyn Lin I used to masturbate to. You know her? No. She's the Korean Asian chick.

Is that her name? Evelyn? I have no idea. Oh yeah, okay, anyway. Deep cuts, I don't know. It's not deep cut, I think she's a Korean, I think, or whatever. I like Korean girls. Anyway, you were,

because I've seen some videos where it's their first time and they get really nervous. It must be like when I did Arliss. I did a show called Arliss, it's an HBO show, and I had two lines and I got super nervous. I feel like that kind of performing is way more nerve- wracking than being, I don't know, I feel way more confident doing like a sex scene.

Yeah, because you know what to do. No, but even in the beginning I was like, but also I had such a dip, like when I was young, I remember like my first scene, I was like talking to the camera being like, I don't give a fuck. I just was like, I didn't care about anything. But when you're doing a mainstream acting,

you have to care. No, because you have lines. If I showed up first day, I would probably ask dumb things like, do it now? No, it was like- And they go, what do you mean? I go, do I pull it out now? No, just ease into it.

We're just like, she's not even here yet. Right, we haven't even set up the cameras. I go, okay. My first scene was kind of like this, where a guy was like, it was like kind of casting couch style. So he was like asking me questions. What was the program called? It was, I think it was.

Exploded College Girl? Bang, bang, like my first like one-on-one scene. Yeah, was what? Was a Bang Bros. scene. Oh, Bang Bros. scene. But then like my first like one-on-one scene. Yeah was what was a bang bros scene Oh bang bros scene, but then like my first like actual scene Like I was actually an extra the first five scenes that I did or reality kings like in the VIP So it's one of the girls like dancing in the background. Oh Reality king. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah

Yeah, first five times and I saw like how legit it, and then I was like, I wanna do this. Like, it's not like sketchy or anything. Like, there's paperwork and cut, action, cut-off. Yeah, sure, sure. There's testing done? Yeah, there's testing and stuff like that. I had a date with a woman who was a porn star. I don't wanna say her name,

but she told me she got out of the business because of the testing that they should test the day before, but they don't sometimes say her name, but she told me she got out of the business because of the testing that they should test the day before, but they don't sometimes. Oh yeah. They test and then like a week will go by and they'll do like 10 scenes. Yeah.

And then you just, it's not trust. It's still like that. It's still like that. Yeah. Are you glad you're out of the business now or no? I mean, you still, you do your- I mean, I still do like some girl stuff. I definitely get a little sketchy sometimes.

I'm like, hmm. I like sometimes if girl stuff. I definitely get a little sketchy sometimes. I'm like, hmm. I like, sometimes if certain girls I feel kind of more sketchy, I offer to pay for her to get a brand new test. But it's also sometimes hard for them to do that because maybe they already have work scheduled or things scheduled. So it can definitely be kind of hard.

And I've been in like quarantines when I was performing back in the day where there's like an HIV outbreak and stuff. It's like, it's pretty scary. It's pretty scary, yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's nuts, man. Yeah, it's super scary. So now you just do OnlyFans, right?

And then you do, if like a company probably would have to pay you a lot to do that, right? Wait, to what? Like if like, do you only do OnlyFans? Yeah, I mean, I did just do a feature where I did a girl girl for Dorsel. I've never shot with Dorsel. And so I kind of was like, this is like my pro bono work

for a company that doesn't have any Riley content. They're gonna make so much money because now they have me. Yeah, so they paid you good. Yeah, they paid me good. Wow, yeah, because you're a big name now. Yeah. Do you want to segue into other things or no? Yeah, I actually want to get into comedy.

You do? Yeah. You stand up? Yeah, that's my goal. Really? Yeah, I want to. Have you gone up yet? Not yet.

I haven't had the time to like sit down. Let her go up, let her go up five minutes. I haven't had the time to like create a like, how do you call it? A set. Yeah, I haven't had the time to create a, like, how do you call it? A set. Yeah, I haven't had the time to sit down and create a set. But that's my 10 year goal, is by the time I'm 40, I wanna try it.

No, no, no, by the time I'm 40, I wanna be like Ali Wong. Okay, so how old are you now? 33. You gotta do now. Yeah, no, I know, that's what I mean. You have to go up in the next month. Like, next week. No, no, I know that's what I have to go up in the next month. Like next week. No, no, no. That's what I mean. Like I wanna start practicing. You

gotta go up soon then. I know. I know. When are you gonna do it? Soon. Where? Where? Probably I like one of those like stand up improv things. Obviously, yes. Like at a show. Yeah, yeah. You're like Burbank or something. Oh, a flapper. Yeah, something like that. Yeah, flappers or something, yeah, yeah. And so just thinking about it, are you nervous? Yeah, I'm definitely nervous

that my jokes won't be funny enough. They're not gonna be. Yeah. In the beginning. In the beginning, it's hard. Yeah, I know it'll be hard, but luckily I have a lot of like porn. They're two different things. No, no, no, like porn stories.

A lot of like good material that I'm working with just from life experience. Right, but can I... And now I feel like I'm super relatable because I'm married and I'm a mother. So it's like I have certain relatable things that make me, I think, a little bit more tangible in my comedy. So can I help you right now with some advice? Yeah. The Bobbie Lee School of Comedy.

He's a good teacher. So what are your fears? There we go. What are you doing? These are good questions. What are your fears on stage? Imagine the first time you go up, what do you think is gonna happen? What would be the biggest fear that would happen the first time you went up? Well, I mean, obviously people not laughing or just like booing me.

That's definitely probably gonna happen. They're not gonna boo. Yeah. Um, people thinking like that I should just be a porn star, like what are you doing? Maybe, maybe. That's definitely gonna happen. Unless you don't even mention it. Ooh, good challenge. No. It's a good challenge. Yeah, what I would do if I were you is don't even bring it up. Really?

Because I feel like the first thing I would do is show my tattoo, bend over backwards and be like, does anyone recognize me? Oh yeah, yeah, that's your opening joke? Yeah, kind of. She already has her opening joke. Yeah, and like going and dying. Can I give you a little counter of that?

Sure. Maybe, just hear me out. I wait till the end? If no, don't even do it. So what I'm saying is, go up as Riley. Come back and see me soon. Yeah. Yeah.

You have your clothes or food? You see it funny. That's your clothes or food. That's your clothes or food. All right, so you're gonna toot opening clothes with your asshole which is pretty cool Really strong

It will do well, but my point though is biting your bits, Bobby I know, she's stealing jokes from me That's literally what he does Anyway, don't do that Don't do this right now I'll come and see you Hey,, shut the fuck up, Jaime. Hey, I lied.

I'm actually a fan of yours. I'm just nervous. What the fuck are you doing? All right, back up, dude. I am back. The first pod we did that you didn't say shit. And now today you're like, but Mr. Fucking... Come on, dude.

He's pretty good. I know. Don't stop stop dude. She's more than that. I know she's a comedian now, too Can I talk to her no, I will not allow you to yeah Built, built, built, built. Built, PSA for anyone who rents. If you haven't heard of built, you're not good. You're about to thank me. Earning points on rent is now a reality when you pay your rent through built. You don't even have to check with your landlord

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Over eight times national average savings account interest rate claim is based on data from the FDIC as of November 18th, 2024. Robinhood Financial LLC member SIPC gold membership is offered by Robin Hood Gold LLC I will not allow you to do it. Yeah, I'll let you know when you can. Okay. Hey, no, no, not right now Give him his hand signal so he knows. Yeah, I'm gonna go like this. Okay Remember double double thumb. Yeah, double double double. Okay. I came for him not you Yeah, it's fine so um fine what it's I get used to it Oh What do you do it now this fucking pity party thing?

Yeah, yeah, it's cool dude. You'll get your chance when I do the same signal. That's okay No, oh, you're not gonna do it now. Oh, yeah, I'll do it. Just I want to can I listen to her? Yeah. Yeah Next week we're gonna have Sarah J Did I do this no,, I'm just, okay. Okay, so um... Your story? Shut the fuck up, man. I love you. I know, but...

I know, I got it. Hi, good to see you. Sorry about my friend. So your biggest fears may occur on stage, but the feeling you're gonna get afterwards isn't gonna be like all those things happen. The feeling that you're gonna have afterwards is I can't believe I just did that. That was amazing. Oh yeah. Because it's so scary. It's an accomplishment just to go up there. So just know that, you know, by just going up you'll have that feeling of I can't believe I did that. You got it out of the way, it really is.

I feel like it's gonna be nerve wracking, I feel like I'm gonna be like shaking. You are. My voice is gonna be like, I can't talk. But you should do it soon though, sooner than later. I don't wanna be like five years from now running to you and you go I haven't done it yet. Yeah, okay.

Something you should do in the next month. I'm gonna try and start practicing cause you have to write like a five minute, it's the beginning, right? Yeah. Two to three, five minute. And yeah, and the thing that I wanted to say is, if you don't talk about it, I think that'd be cooler.

I have so much like quality. I know, but you can do that later. Like, okay. I wanna challenge you. Ooh. And here's what I wanna challenge. I wanna challenge. But it's like I wanna challenge. I wanna challenge. Riley, Riley, Riley!

I know! Tax write off, I could buy a cucumber and write it off. It's another joke. Yeah, it's great. That's what I mean. It's all corn shit. Have you stuck a cucumber in your vag before? Of course!

Yeah, yeah. And I tax write off! How about your butthole? Cucumber in your butthole. Yeah, I just can't eat it. And then it's considered a tax write off. How about your butthole? Cucumber in your butthole. Yeah, I just can't eat it. And then it's considered a tax write off. Right, right, right, okay. All right, I like that joke.

That's what I mean, it's all porn. But it'd be cool if you didn't, and I wanna challenge you. Okay, I could do family stuff. Yeah, do more family stuff in the beginning. Don't even, you know what I mean, let people know that you're in porn. Okay.

Right? And then after a year do it. Oh, that's good. Right? Okay. Because I want people, comedy- To see me more than just a part of it. Yeah, comics are brutal, right?

Oh, like the community. The community is brutal. And then you're like, look at her just doing porn jokes. It's an obvious thing. But if you, you know what I mean? Do something unexpected and approach it like a real comedian, right? Who also make porn jokes.

They do, but they do other things as well. I think that if you were clean, okay, hear me out. Should I avoid crowd work? No, you can do crowd work. Okay. But be clean, right? And do stuff about your family and upbringing and all that kind of stuff. Oh, okay, like my dad married a step sister.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I do porn now. She's now just testing out all her porn. All right, now the dogs, did you take them out yet? No, take the dogs out first. Tiger belly podcast. Sorry, take the dogs out first. Tiger Billy podcast. Sorry, sorry. So with the dogs are in panic.

I'm in panic. Oh, why? Because it's like she goes and you know, she has to do the night nurse stuff. And then I'm left with the dogs by sleep early. And then I can hear them whimpering. I just have this guilt that I'm not, you know what I mean? If they're like, I don't like locking them in a room. You know what I mean? Do you ever feel that or not?

You don't have a dog, do you? I do, but Rome's free. Rome is free? It roams around the house. It roams free around the house. Oh, Rome's free. Oh, okay. I thought you said Rome is free. Rome is free. Rome is free. Rome is free! Rome is free! Okay, good. Yeah, um, I think you should do that. Go clean. Yeah, I like that idea. Yeah. You have great teeth. I'll have to redo all of them. You bleach your teeth? No. They're so nice. Oh my god, thank you. You're welcome.

I drink a lot of red wine, so I'm surprised you do. You live in LA too, right? Mm-hmm. Okay, good. How did you meet your husband? Instagram. Modern Love Street. Really, he DM'd? I DM'd him. Really?

Yeah. And what'd you say? Well, I could tell that I was gonna like him, so I waited. How? Because he was like, he doesn't post like hot boy shit, he posts like funny photos and him like back flipping all the time. I do that I'm gonna erase my can you go to my Instagram and erase my backflipping

But like no no because he does backflipping he doesn't do hot boy content or whatever. What is he like a stuntman? Yeah, he's a is he one of those dumb dumbs that like I'm not calling him a dumb dumb Yeah, but I hate those dumb dumbs that like they jump on top of a building or like a little thing They see how they can clamp Yeah, he's a parkour athlete I hate him! What is he doing? What are you, Spiderman?

What's so cool about that? I just think it's cool because I feel like, I don't know, usually when I tell other dudes about it, the 13 year old in them comes a lot. Oh, I come down. You know, they jump on top of a building. I take the elevator, I'm still up there. Right? I'm sorry, that was dumb. Yeah, I mean, I think-

That was dumb what I just said, but you understand what I'm saying. Is there, you know what I mean, I don't know what they're doing. But he does stunt work as well. He like has an award for doing the Wonder Woman stunt, like work or choreography or something like that. He has an award for doing the Wonder Woman stunt work or choreography or something like that.

He's won an award for it. So he was dressed as Wonder Woman and he did parkouring? No, he helped them do the stunt coordinate. Oh, he's the stunt coordinator for the movie Wonder Woman. Yeah, he was one of them or something. Which one, the 1981, 84? I think the 84 one, I'm not exactly sure.

Okay, well congratulations, tell them, what's his first name? Pasha. That's his name, what's his first name? Pasha. That's his name. Well, his Latvian name is Pavels. That? I hate it. No man, that's cool.

It is? Are you really cool, dude? Hey dude, I'm Pasha. Orin. You know what I mean? Is he white? Like, his skin color's white. Yeah.

What would that have? Yeah, he's from Europe. I love him. I'm getting him his citizenship by marrying me. Oh really? Wow. It's love then. Do you want another kid with him too? I don't know.

Especially now that I'm fostering these kids. It feels like so much. I'm just like... A lot of responsibility. And it's just a lot of chaos all the time. Yelling. Not yelling, I don't yell. What does chaos mean? Chaos is like one kid's jumping over here

and the other kid's over here and then one kid is like crying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He wants a donut or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What kind of donut would you get him? Pink one with sprinkles. What's your favorite donut place?

I think I like the jelly filled donuts. Oh you don't care about the brand, you just care about the stuff. Oh yeah yeah. Sidecar was pretty good. You ever go to Sidecar? I have actually and Donut Friend. I've gone to like the fancy ones but I just like, I think I would go to fucking Colorado Donuts, Dunkin' Donuts.

You like Santino. Pretty easy. Andrew Santino only likes Dunkin'. Oh. Yeah yeah. Which isino only likes Dunkin'. Oh. Yeah, yeah. Which is like basic, but okay. What about ice cream? Which one do you go to?

I usually like McCall's. Is it McCannals? McCannals? Yeah, yeah. But like when I'm feeling like fancy, there's that one like saffron and rose. That's really delicious. Wow. They use rose water.

Why do you itch your face? What? You itch your face now. Was there an itch? Yeah, it's because of this little fucking stringy hair right here that's tickling me. Fuck that hair. I hate that rogue hair. You want to pull it out? No, I'm not going to pull it out. So you're McConnell's and then you like basic donuts. Yeah, but I'm not actually a sugar girl. I prefer sweet.

What's thisians accent like? Like kind of similar to Russian, but I think a little softer As your husband is that powerful? Yeah, that's my husband. Oh wow. He's real good good at what he does He's good. Yeah, he's got a good body. Yeah, nice legs. Yeah, he doesn't have chicken legs. You don't like chicken chicken legs no I hate a guy who's buff with chicken legs I'm like oh my god look at him look at him go fake fitness oh my god that's her that's her husband that's my baby daddy this is Jules by the way what what were you in school school. How was that? Long and boring. What kind of school do you go to?

Thank you Riley. I go to CSUN. California State Northridge. Oh nice. What are you studying? Biology. Oh wow. Biology Riley.

Wow. That's pretty fancy. You know much about biology? Like human biology. I know you do. I heard you said porn earlier. Yeah. I did.

I did. That's pretty fancy. You know much about biology? Like human biology. I know you do. I heard you said porn earlier. Yes. What are you, what? What? What are we living in? Don't take it, 1974.

Guys, this is a modern thing. Ask her a question. Yes. What do you do? Well, I used to perform pretty regularly. She is, I'm telling you, the biggest one. Really? Out of all the ones we've had on our podcast,

she's the biggest one, don't you think? That's pretty popular. She's like a huge star. Like she's bigger than Asa. Here, I don't think Asa would be mad if I said that. I don't know, she might be. You like Asa? Yeah, I love Asa. She's the best. She's bigger than also here. I don't think also would be mad if I said that I don't know she might be Yeah

I think you're one of the biggest ones in the in the business. Yeah, it's crazy. I'm super popular I don't know how or why I like a scarlet Johansson of that because I like smile in my porn and I think I've make a Lot of people laugh sometimes or maybe because I'm relatable looking not only that can I say something? Yeah or maybe because I'm relatable looking? Not only that, can I say something? Yeah, tell me, why am I famous? You've also done scenes with guys that weren't even that good looking. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, so, because I have a poor self-image

for myself, so when I watched your videos, I was like, oh, she doesn't care. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I mean, so I would rather, you know, because sometimes when you see a porn actress, which is only really hot guys, it's not relatable to me. Oh yeah, that makes sense.

Yeah, you seem like you're very liberal. Yeah. Open. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, that's cool. Yeah, yeah, and nice. You seem nice. Yeah, that's what I think it's, that I seem really nice in my videos.

And you are nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a pretty nice person. And you're probably nice to work with. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Does it ever get weird though, or no? Yeah, yeah, yeah, pretty nice person and you're probably nice to work with yeah, yeah, yeah Does it what I mean is it ever get weird though or no? What are weird things that happen? Yeah, there's definitely like some weird moments some like some guys being kind of aggressive at times Oh, yeah, one guy like having wood problems. So he like was like was a carpenter. What's going on?

I don't know, but he liked like... Was he a carpenter? What's going on? I don't know, but he liked the next girl in the makeup chair, so he was like... Oh, hard on, hard on. Yeah, yeah, oh yeah, wood problems. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I thought it was like, I mean, like, I can't get this cabinet to work. Oh, like, cabinet, carpentry?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, but I remember, like, there was a girl in a makeup chair. Keep it in, keep it in. So he made the other girl stand in the corner of the room while he was banging me, he was like looking at her. Oh wow. Because I couldn't turn him on or something.

I think he just had like degrading things. Whoa. Yeah. Have you done scenes like with food? Hey dude, what? I have. Yeah? Dude.

What? I didn't do that. Oh, but she was talking about a scene so I'm like. Oh you're chipping. So you've done a scene with food? Yeah. Can I guess? Sure.

Hot dog? Cucumber? Cucumber? Like what foods? Plantains? Not plantains. I did one with like feet where we were like squishing stuff and then we put our feet in the girl's butt.

Ooh. Yeah, that's what I want. It was for kink.com. Oh, kink.com. Yeah. Ooh.com. Oh, kink.com. Ooh, write that down, kink.com. I like it a lot. How about like a mashed potato? I would jam a mashed potato in my butthole,

but I'd have to cool it down first. Not right out of the microwave. Like a whole potato or a mashed potato? I would jam a whole mashed potato in my butthole. A baked potato, I mean. Yeah, yeah, there we go. That makes more sense. Did I say mashed potato? Yeah butthole. A baked potato I mean. Yeah yeah there we go. That makes more sense.

Did I say mashed potato? Yeah that's fucking weird. Oh what did I say? What did I say? Baste it in. Spoonful by spoon. What? A spoonful of mashed potato. No no no baked potato not mashed potato.

Yeah yeah. Well I mean either I mean I mean depends on how much mashed but anyway um what else would I do? Um. Chocolate. Would you do like a macaroni cheese bowl? Or do you like have sex like a macaroni cheese bowl? Or like have sex with a macaroni cheese bowl. I need friction. I don't think it has enough friction. But I would-

You don't cook the noodles all the way. Audente. Audente. I see. If it's like, you know, natural noodles, like homemade noodles, I would do it. Oh, okay. Yeah. Because I like, you know, I'm in real good pasta, you know?

But I've had sex with steak before. Like a prime rib. That's for real? Yeah. What? When? When I was younger. Wait, what's that story?

I don't think I've heard this. My dad got so mad. How are you dinner now? Yeah, we couldn't eat it. We couldn't eat it. Wait, what was it when you were on? I thawed it out late at night, right? Then I stuck my penis in it while it was cold

I might go a little bit was it rebellious towards your father? No, I thought that I could free freeze it But then there was like a gigantic hole in it the next day Yeah, I mean you go what this right I go. I don't know you go. I know I guess he knew the shape Maybe there was two holes the shape of the hole. Because he's tried it before. Maybe. Yeah, there was two holes in it. I know, Buffy.

I know, Buffy. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, I think I've had sex with the Earth. I've already said that. Yeah. I've had sex with the Earth. Oh yeah. They get closer to God.

And... What about flashlights? Do you use them? He has a lot. No, I don't have a lot of flashlights. I don't have a flashlight. I have different brands. Well, you don't have this one.

Oh, is it yours? It just released, it's my mouth. It's your mouth, it's really your mouth? It's really my mouth and she doesn't talk back. Okay, can I see, can I open it? Yeah, it's for you. Is this mine? Yes, that's yours.

I'm not gonna fucking use it. Ever, that's crazy. See Bobby trying to do stand up with the mouth, doing your set for you? Yeah. No, you don't get one. Oh man. This is your mouth?

Yeah, this is my mouth. Let me compare. That is your mouth, holy shit. I want, can I see? What? Wow. That's sexy. That's sexy.

Pretty sexy. Yeah, as a girl, you don't think it looks scary? No, I don't think it looks scary? No... Eh... I don't think so. You can get Bobby connected with that company so he can make his own? Yeah, my mouth. Oh!

You know what I would do? My mouth, like... When they put the molding in, I'd go real tight. Right? Just do your whole face. Yeah, I just want to really tie it. Because there's a little friction here. Do you think? Or is there? I mean, it just came out. I actually haven't gotten to want it really tight. Because there's a little friction here, do you think? Or is there? I mean, it just came out.

I actually haven't gotten to test it out or anything. I want your husband to test it out. Yeah, we just got them today. That's mine, I can have it. Yes, that one's yours. Oh, that's so nice. Yeah. Well, that's good.

Where's the cover at? Yeah, I don't know. You're getting it all dirty. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm getting all dirty. I could put it under the table, just for YouTube's sake. Oh yeah, you could see my teeth on the inside. Yeah, I don't know where the cover is, but, um. Have you done one of your vagina, too?

Yeah, I have my butt and my pussy. And the butt, too? Yeah. How does that molding work, your butt? Well, now they do, like, just a 3D scan with pictures, but previously it was like how you go to the dentist's office. So there was like plaster molding on my. So they, no one would know the difference

unless they've had sex with you. What do you, it's all me. I mean it could be a molding of his butthole. And like, this is Riley Reid's butthole. There's so many pictures of my butt on the internet. You would know. Yeah, but I'm not gonna zoom into the thing and go, oh, this is accurate.

Some people do. Really? Of course. Oh. Like if you had a flashlight of my butthole, would you think that it was mine? If I said it was somebody else's? Answer in Jaime. No.

Exactly. And you would do it with pleasure? No, I wouldn't like it. Wait, wait. Because it's you. Yeah, but if you don't know though. Like you give him a flashlight. Yeah, I go, this is Riley Reeves butthole.

Yeah, you think it's hers, but it's mine really. No, cause I'll zoom in to it anyway. But how would you know it was his? Yeah, exactly. Have you got pictures of his butthole? I feel like Bobby's butthole is like... I think it's really tight. It's like what?

Maybe uglier than yours. I'm not even kidding. She had to pause for that. She had to pause. It's insane that you would say that because I've been so kind to you as a father figure, right? And you would say something like that out loud. That's insane. I know.

My butt hole is very nice. And by the way, didn't we have somebody- Prove it. Prove it. No, no, no. Who was it? Who was here? Angela, right? Yeah. Yeah, Angela. Angela what?

Angela White? Angela White. Yeah, Angela White. Opened his butthole to check. Yeah, opened my own butthole. She looked at your butthole? Yeah, and she goes, that's a great butthole. So I'm gonna say hi, Mae, that I believe that you would and then you know what? I'm gonna do this. You're gonna use it and a year later I'm gonna go that was my butthole. I'm gonna use it? No, not that. That's not my mouth. You'll get a random flashlight in the mail. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You'll get a random one, okay?

I'll hand deliver it so then he thinks it's mine. Yeah, would you send me a way to help me get my own flashlight? If you really wanted a flashlight, I could definitely put you in contact. Of my butthole? That'd be fun. And I would-

Do you mind if people have videos on Pornhub of them banging your butt? Yeah, that'd be so funny. This is a dream, yeah. That'd be so funny. Okay. Don't you think it'd be funny? It won't sell, I don't think.

Yeah, I think it would sell. I think it would sell. You think it would? Yeah, I think it would sell. Like, yeah. Okay. Do they do that with penises too or no? Yeah.

There's like, okay. Yeah, they have male, like, flesh boys. Yeah. I would get like, Chappelle, they have male like flesh boys. Yeah. I would get like Chappelle Lacey's dick. In Brandon Bobbie Lee's dick. Yeah, in Brandon Bobbie Lee's. Yeah, I don't know if I think I would do that. See, but do you have interest in doing acting too?

Not really, unless I'm like playing myself. I don't really think I'm an actress. I don't really like, I feel like I can thrive better. You haven't tried though. No, I haven't, but I I feel like I can thrive better. You haven't tried though. No I haven't, but I just feel like I gravitate more towards comedy or like my other goal is to have a cartoon. Like I really want to have a cartoon. Draft King Casinos.

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I'm gonna give you a line. It's a serious line. It's a sci-fi movie. I'm just gonna make it up, right? So can you memorize the line real quick? I think so. All right. The Romulans have attacked the Klingons,

and we have to use hyperdrive. You're the captain. I'm gonna come up to you and I go, what do we do? And then you're gonna say, the Romulans attacked the Klingons, we have to use hyperdrive. but this is serious. Okay, right Really too much I don't think you would look in the sky You know I'm looking in like the big oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, maybe you're right

Yeah, that was a good acting choice. You you're right. That was a good acting choice. You're the captain, that was a good acting choice. You're my bad. All right, let's do it again, right? Eew, chk, pssh, eew, chk, chk. What do we do, captain? The Klingons have attacked the Romuloid. We have to go and use hyper speed.

Something like that. It was so close. I'm a lot better at reading it. I think you got it, you're very close. The Romulans. The Romulans have attacked Klingon. We have to use hyperdrive. Hyperdrive.

Hyperdrive. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. The Klingons have attacked, the Romulans have attacked Klingon. We have to use hyperdrive. You can call them Romulans. I don't know what the fuck they're called.

I didn't watch Star Trek. You don't know anything about Star Trek? You know anything, yeah, that's good. Now what race of people do that in the show? I know this name is Spock. Yes, what race is he? I don't know. What race is he?

Rom Leon? What? No, what race is he? What is Spock? Klingon. No, what is Spock? I don't know. What is Spock?

V, V, the letter V. The letter V. VU. letter V. The letter V. V-U. V-U-L. No. V-O? V-U-L-C. Vulcan?

Yes. Hey. You said Vulcan? Yeah, Vulcan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys couldn't get Vulcan? No. I think I only know this from the Big Bang Theory.

Really? You're like, God bless Simon Helberg. Anyway, you know who Simon Helberg is? No. He's in the Big Bang Theory. Okay, which one? He's like the skinny, looks like Seinfeld. Oh, the one that they say looks like Spock.

That's Simon. Oh, he's the Wallowitz guy. Yeah, can I tell you a funny story about Simon? He was on Matt TV oh And he was he had he got six episodes and I remember when they let him go. He was so upset. He's like You know I mean, I can't fucking believe he was very upset and I was like you're gonna work again Then he gets that and what was making what a million dollars an episode Wow, I made baller $4, dollars an episode Wow I made baller four thousand dollars an

episode that's what we make I'm at TV damn he got to a million dollars an episode whoa he's in a completely but you know I ran into him on largemont is that us that's you and Simon on that that's me and Simon on Mac. I don't know. But I ran into him on Larchmont. He's just the nicest same guy. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Because when you're young like that, you know, you get, you think all these things are going to happen and it happened for him. I have this podcast. It's fine. I have you on my podcast. That's good. It's huge for me

Yeah, I actually think I would consider you more famous than okay. Anyway. Thank you so much Simon. She's wrong She's the best. Please do my podcast anyway my point Yeah, so you guys you don't know nothing about do you guys know anything about sci-fi in general like Star Wars? I know a little bit about Star Wars. Okay. I'm gonna ask Jules a question. Okay? What? Star Wars. I know a little bit about Star Wars. Okay, I'm going to ask Jules a question. Okay? What? Okay. You know, Han Solo's best friend, his partner in crime, who is he?

I know you know. No, you don't get to guess. It should just be a competition. You want to do a competition? Yeah. All right. Okay, can you just give a clue? That was close.

Yeah, that was really good. That was really good. Dude, that's a really, that's maybe what a female Wookie would sound like. Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr That's what I call them. Aren't they magical? Magical farts, yeah. It's like fairy, fairy farts. It makes you feel good as a guy. It really does. Does it really? Yeah. It makes you feel so insecure as a girl. Really? Yeah.

Well, you haven't seen my farts. My farts are fucking embarrassing. Would you rather have, anyway, let's move on. I don't want to talk about it. So, so let's, you know, what's the answer? Chewbacca. Yeah, exactly. One point, Riley.

One point to Riley. You want to play? Chewbacca. Yeah, exactly. One point Riley. One point to Riley. You wanna play? I thought I was playing. Dude, your attitude today, dude. I'm ready. Is he crying? Yeah. All right, so here we go.

He did not masturbate today, is that the problem? Yeah. Okay, ready, one, okay, here we go. Who was Luke Skywalker's father? Darth Vader. Yes. Anakin. Yes. Anakin. Oh.

No, but that's just a one. Okay, you don't know? I knew. All right. Okay, after all the answers. Okay, should I go deep cut? Give him a couple of softballs first. Some softballs?

Yeah, just say the answer, whoever says it first. What character lived in the Dagobah system? Jar Jar. No. I don't even know. Okay. He's wise. Oh Yoda. Yes. There we go. Very good That that's not even that was how what's a planet called made out of ice? Not that deep really yeah Not that deep. Really? Hoff. Yeah.

You've never seen any Star Wars movies, Jules? That's crazy. Do general sci-fi. Go across all different movies and stuff. Really? Yeah. What's general sci-fi? Like say something about aliens.

Say something about another movie. E.T. What? Okay. Okay. Now you gotta put pressure on. Wait, let's see how much you know. You ask me one.

I'm on top of your head, go ahead. Okay. What was the language spoken in the film Arrival? Oh shit. Okay, what is the- That's insane. That question's so not fair, dude. That's so insane.

Chinese. Correct. It's not Chinese. It's not. Yeah, yeah. That's so insane! Chinese, correct. It's not Chinese. It's not. Yeah, yeah. It's a hektapod. Hectapod, that's not what they call it.

That was bullshit, dude. That was a bullshit question, dude. Why are you getting self-conscious? I'm not getting self-conscious. What I'm saying is that I feel like I'm very educated with sci-fi, and that was a crazy one. Name three Ridley Scott films. Ridley Scott films.

Ridley Scott. Gladiator. Great. Gladiator. Great. Gladiator 2. Oh my God. Alien. Right? Yeah.

Alien. Good. Okay. In your face. In your fucking stupid flat face. You Filipino bastard dude. I'm tired of this shit. So, okay, so what's the alien that wants to go home?

Oh, I mean they said I'll eat. As a real softball. Okay, so what's the alien that wants to go home? Oh? It's so softball yeah Okay, what's that? This is a good. This is a deep cut okay in the movie Close encounters of the third kind. What is the song the first notes, five notes. It's famous. I don't know if I've seen it. Na na na na na. Right? Na na na na na. Everyone. Na na na na na. I didn't mean like X-Files. You're not doing it.

You're not doing it. You're not doing it. Da na na na. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Do you know, you've never seen that movie? I don't think I have. Do you know who directed it? Steven Spielberg. What is it? It's so underrated.

You'll love this movie. It's one of the best sci-fi, don't you agree? It's a masterpiece, okay? Let me see if I remember. Okay, so yeah, there it is. That's okay. So, Alien. What about Mars Attacks?

That's a good movie. Oh yeah, that's a good one. Why did you switch gears there? Because I was reminded of Mars Attacks. Yeah, that was more of a broad comedy wacky kind of a movie. Yeah, it's not a serious sci-fi movie. No. Hey, what about Mack and Me?

I know that one. Do you know Mack and Me. No. Hey, what about Mac and Me? I know that one. Do you know Mac and Me? Yeah. Yeah, what is it? It's an E.T. spin-off. It is? Yeah. Isn't that a rip-off?

It's a rip-off. Look, that's not a rip-off. Oh. That's a rip-off. Hey, that's not a rip-off. Yeah. That's a rip-off. Oh, he's so cool.

It's one of the worst movies ever made. Yeah? How did you see that movie? I can't even find that movie. I saw it on YouTube. Oh, he watches clips only, I forgot. Yeah. Do you prefer sci-fi or adventure movies? Like, what do you like movies? I like horror movies, actually.

Me too, and this is gonna go a long way with you and I. You wanna go a long way with me as friendships? Let's go. All right, what's your favorite top three horror movies? Of horror movies? Yeah, it's gonna go a long way with me as friendships? Let's go. All right, what's your favorite top three horror movies? Of horror movies? Yeah, it's gonna go a long way with me, Riley. Okay, well, I mean, like classic wise, I love The Rosemary's Baby.

I think that that's really good. Pretty good, legit. I thought it was pretty cool. I like how she accepted the baby at the end, which I wasn't expecting that. Spoiler alert. Yeah, spoiler alert. You haven't seen it yet.

Like a recent one. Yeah, a recent one. I guess like it's more of like a psychological thriller type. I really liked the Don't Worry Darling. I was not expecting it to be like what it is. Don't Worry Darling. Yeah, yeah, the one with Harry Styles. Is it Don't Worry Darling? Is it good? Is it good? I actually really liked it. I thought it was a pretty good. That doesn't look like a horror movie. I know. I didn't know it was a horror movie it good? Is it good? I actually really liked it. I thought it was a pretty good. That doesn't look like a horror movie. I know, I didn't know it was a horror movie.

That's a horror movie right there. It's like a psychological thriller. No psychological thrillers. Why? Cause we're doing horror. I mean that's kind of a horror. It gave me a lot of suspense. I was like, oh my gosh.

You did that? I'll watch it then. You see it? Yeah. Okay. It's good, right? You don't expect it to be what it is. Yeah, you did this okay? Yeah, you're just like give me another modern one that you don't expect Another modern horror movie that I've seen because right now. We're far away from each other. Oh, yeah, we're distant

Okay, what kind of like what you need a name a movie there? I'm gonna be like that's no no no no not a slasher movie. Okay. Yeah named Midsommar. Oh Yeah, that one was good. That's the same actress in that one. Oh, that's also kind of like a psychological thriller Okay, so I kind of like hereditary Yeah, that one was good. I didn't love it though That's his movie. Oh I thought it was really good. What about the Babadook? That was a good one. You're a fucking Babadook, man. I've always thought you were a fucking Babadook, man. The Babadook was good. Yeah, I like that one.

So I've been watching a lot of Korean movies. Oh, the Parasite movie was good. Did you see that one? Oh, you want to go Korean? I don't know if that's Korean. It is Korean, my friend. Was it good? Yeah, that was good.

I think it was good. I think it was good. I think it was good. I think it was good. I think it was good. I think it was good. I think it was the Parasite movie was good. Did you see that one? Oh, you wanna go Korean? I don't know if that's Korean. It is Korean, my friend. Was it good? Yeah, that one was really good. Then it's Korean.

Then it's Korean. If it's not, it's Japanese. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, it's not Filipino, I'll tell you that. No, you have good movies. Give me a good Filipino movie. And don't say something from your life. Oh.

What? Last one. Shake Rato and Roy is nice. Yeah, De Grato and Roy. What was it? De Grato and Roy? And Roy, yeah, they're two, I contended with the movie, they're two farmers,

De Grato and Roy, right? And Roy's like, what's up, dude? And De Grato's like, I don't speak, no, no, you don't know, you're bung, bung, bung. What? Yeah. dude? And the grattos like, I don't speak. No, no, no, you don't know. You're bung, bung, bung. And yeah. Yeah. What? What?

He started speaking English, but then he drifts off. What a great movie. But anyway, so I saw a movie called Sleep. It's a Korean movie. Okay. And I'll tell you what the most upsetting thing about the movie was. There we go. So that's the movie. Okay. And I'll tell you what the most upsetting thing about the movie was. There we go. So that's the movie. And it is so good. And the guy just sleeping the whole time. And

she's just staring at him sleeping. Oh, no, I'm kidding. No. I'll just say the opening. The opening couple of scenes is this. He's an actor during love're in love, she's pregnant, they're a cute couple, you know what I mean? Just modest living in an apartment, right? And they're just like, you know, pick each other up from work, eat dinner together, just nice, but then one night he sleeps,

and while he's sleeping, he's scratching his face, and she kind of grabs his arms, and while he's sleeping, guys don't do that. But then when she wakes up, there's a gigantic hole in his face. And he had scratched a hole inside his face. So they go to the hospital. And then another night he walks and goes to the refrigerator

and eats raw meat and like sardines from the refrigerator. So they see a sleep specialist and they think it's like sleepwalk, I'm sleepwalking, whatever. But it turns out not to be that. But the movie was great. But afterwards I was like, I wanna know about this movie. So I Googled the actor and that actor killed himself. Oh, the guy in real life.

You know why? Because he smoked weed. In Korea. In Korea. It made me so mad. Wait, because he smoked weed in Korea, he killed him? Is it illegal? It's illegal in Korea. Like he was ashamed?

Yeah. Shame, a shame. And he was gonna get in big trouble, like you know what I mean, maybe some sort of sentence. Like they're doing an investigating, and that's how bullshit conservative Koreans are. That's so sad. You gotta change that shit, man.

Because that kid, that guy was so good in this movie, and I'm like, oh, this guy's a star. I was literally thinking that, and then when I found out that he killed himself, I was like, why, because of that weed? I would've died at eight. I smoked weed at 10, whatever, you know what I mean? Are you out of your fucking mind? That's anyway. It's sad, but we should watch it

Yeah, sleep. Yeah, I mean yes I was trying to think of like there's this other movie that I had watched that was really good. I can't remember But we describe it. What was it about I? Totally blank because your story was so crazy Absorbed everything in my brain. Let's do a horror movie with me and Riley. What do you think it would be? Sort of like Freaky Saturday.

Jules, you make the title and we'll make the movie. What's the title? Teddy. That's it, that's good. Teddy. Yeah, Ted. Teddy? Yeah, so you're Dee and I'm Ted. Oh, okay, I was picturing like a teddy bear. Like an evil teddy bear. There we Yeah, Ted. Yeah. Teddy? Yeah, so you're D and I'm Ted.

Oh, okay. I was picturing like a teddy bear. Like an evil teddy bear. There we go. Exactly. That's when we clump together and turn into Teddy, we become a teddy bear. We become, and we're fighting for the body

of the teddy bear. We're going to take over and be the teddy. And a little girl is in love. It's kind of like being John Malkovich. What? Don't say all that.. It's kind of like being John Malkovich. What? Don't you call that movie? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, being John Malkovich. Yeah.

Yeah, but I don't get it, so what? But aren't they like, he's like living inside that girl's head? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he lives like, that's kind of like what we're doing. So you and I are both trying to get into this Teddy's head? Yeah, so. Yeah.

Who wins? Because we wanna be with this little girl forever. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Okay, let's write it. That's good. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Okay, let's write it. That's good. Okay.

Yeah, that's, I like that. You like that? Peddi, very good. I think you should act. Maybe. Yeah, yeah, because that, you know, Romualine was pretty good at that. I mean, you don't know what it was,

you committed to it, you said Romualine, right? You did. You bleed your teeth, I ask you that now? No, I don't. I drink a lot of wine, actually. I'm so flattered, though. Thank you. You really put together.

Thank you. Your car's nice. What a great life you live. Aw, thank you. Have you been sad? I've been sad. Yeah. Tell me why.

I don't take care of myself enough. No, but just in general, do you get depressed? I mean, yeah, but I have a lot of help to help prevent me from being too sad. Like from whom? Like stress of life. I have a personal chef, I have things like that in my life to not overburden myself, but I definitely wish like I took better care of like my mental health my physical I don't like

go to the gym I don't exercise I don't do like I don't take care of myself as much as I wish I did mmm you know you think you need therapy yeah I think so yeah there's some trauma earlier I think yeah I could be a better parent and I would like to know how I think the best you I could be a better parent and I would like to know how. I think the best you can is all you can do. I don't think that's true. I think it's true. In fact, I think, you know what I think?

I think you're one book away from becoming a better version of yourself. Ooh, would you learn that, little ditty? I made it up. No, really? Yeah. You're one book away for being a better version of yourself?

Yeah. Like literal reading, you mean? Yes, like literally. Wow, yeah, I have been doing a lot of audiobooks. But the whole, you know, do you know the Bill Burr controversy? No. What's it, Bill, what's Billy Corgan? Corgan.

Smashing pumpkins. Billy's singing about smashing pumpkins. You know the controversy? They could have the same deck. So my point is this, is that pumpkins. Lee's singing about smashing pumpkins. You know the controversy? They could have the same deck. My point is this. I think it's just in the genes. Right? And I think that you know what I mean? You're just going to raise... is it a boy or a girl? I have a girl. Okay, girl. She's going to have a bright smiley face like you do. A nice person. Right? I

think you're bright. Yeah, I think so. And also she's gonna be maybe athletic because of who you bred, you know what I mean? Yeah, who I bred with. Who you bred with. What a romantic way to say it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you did old school breeding, you know what I mean? And I think there's nothing much you can do except see what happens. You just don't hit him't hit her and yell. Like if I had a kid, there's these rules, no hitting and no yelling. Yeah, we don't do that. Yeah, yeah.

Like hey, Kaya! You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, we don't do that. Eat the mashed potatoes, it's baked or whatever, you know what I mean? No, I feel like if you want your kids to do stuff, you just have to make it a game and then they wanna do it. So everything, we just make it a game and then she want to do it. So everything, we just make it a game and then she'll do it.

Okay, I'm your daughter. I don't want to clean my room. You don't want to clean your room? No. Maybe I'll do some silly things and I'll make the things like dance and play. I'll be like, ooh, but wait, wait, where do we put this? Huh?

Huh? Where'd Billy, where'd he go? Where'd mommy go? Oh, there he is. Mom, you're retarded. Where'd you go? Where'd mommy go? Oh there he is. Mom, you're retarded. You know, fuck you. Oh, your daddy already did that. You can't do that.

Like if your kid said that to you, fuck you, mom, what would you say? I don't think my kid would say that to me. See, that's what I'm saying, but what if they did? If they did then. Do you yell then? I'm saying, but what if they did? If they did, then. You yell then? How about you, Joel? I mean, you have two kids. My son has started saying, you're not my best,

whenever he gets mad at me. That you're not at your best? No, you're not my best, because whenever I'm like, no, he likes me, he's like, oh, you're my best. Oh, like you're not his best friend? Yeah, and then I'm like, no. But that's not saying fuck you.

Yeah, it's his version of it. No, that's not the fuck you were talking about, dude. It's a three-year- his version of it. No, that's not fuck you. We're talking about dude It's a three-year-old version of it. Oh, so fuck you Oh, so if I'm like if I'm in the street, fuck you is different and I'm pushing a guy We're gonna fight right and I go you're not your best Yeah, it's no man. Why don't I get a dog? You're not your best You're not your buddy. You're not your best. It doesn't have the same fucking thing. Yeah, it's not the same thing. Thanks for doing this.

No, no, no, I'm not bad. No, because my husband accidentally taught my daughter like sucablot, which is like bitch fuck. And when she was saying that, but she wasn't. Sucablock? Sucablot? Sucablot. Yeah.

Hey, man, sucablot. Yeah. Gilbert, where are you? And that's definitely way worse than different than the, you're not your best. Thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah Suka blot means that in what language Russian. Oh, you're he's Russian. No, he's a lot of anybody speaks Russian. Okay Yes, wow That's nice Is it sexy? I like it, yeah. Russians are fun.

If I was in a war, that's the last people I would fight. Oh yeah. Russians, right? They're the whole reason that they stopped Hitler. Exactly. Without them. Yeah, we helped. We helped a small amount.

They had a much larger casualty than America. America, I think, takes a lot of, like... I'm not trying to be like pro-Russia. No, you're right. No, no, no, no, no, because when Germans went east, they had that whole conflict with Russia, yeah. That was brutal. Russia, I think, helped a lot more in that war

than America did. Definitely America and Britain, there's like America, Britain, and Russia were the three great forces, but I think Russia did the most work. So if you and I were president of a country, who would be a country? Of which country? We'll make it up.

We're Teddy country. I don't know. Okay. What do we call a country? The Riley Lee. Bobby Reid. Bobby Reid. The Bobby Reid.

That's our little country. Okay. And we have a military. What's the country? Why do we have to have a military? Why can't we be like Costa Rica? Oh my God. That's our little country. Okay. And we have a military. What's the country? Why do we have to have a military?

Why can't we be like Costa Rica? Oh my God, we're not in Switzerland, man. Costa Rica. We gotta take a, we wanna colonize places, man. Okay. Okay. All right, fine. First place we'd colonize is Catalina Island.

I think we can take that. You think we can take Catalina Island? Can we take the Bahamas? We'll take the Bahamas next. Okay. And then what else would we take the Bahamas? You will take the Bahamas next. Okay. And then what else would we take? Cuba. No, not Cuba.

Yeah, they have good food. No, they have missiles. No, but they have good food. So then that's why we should take them. Oh yeah, you're right. But what's a place you wouldn't wanna take? Russia, right? Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. What's a place that's gonna be easy? Finland? Costa Rica. Costa Rica could be, right. Because they don't have an army. They don't have an army. They don't have an army. But are they American sovereign state?

I think they do have some sort of sovereign thing. But they put all their funding in their environment so they're super eco-friendly. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Puerto Rico, no, because that's definitely an American sovereign. Those are my people, don't take them.

No, we're not, okay, all right, we're not. That's why we're having this meeting, we're running this country, all right? The world you meet. Yeah, you know what I would take? So there's a little, when you- Why don't you take Korea? They made that guy kill himself.

No. You know how hard it would take Korea? It's tough. It's way too tough. Because you have America too, they're backing. There's no way. Okay But I'm gonna propose something to you. Okay. I saw this on a tick-tock. Okay, and I don't know if it's true But you can't I thought tick-tock. So yeah, yeah, I'll be true But you can't really drive from Mexico all the way down to Brazil because there's a little stretch of land there

I think that's super dangerous. D'Urion, D'Urion, the D'Urion Gap. The D'Urion Gap. And why is it dangerous? It's like 20 miles up your junction. Gang? Exactly. What else do you think?

Dogs? Okay. Dogs, yes. I don't know. Yeah, yeah. Poisonous snakes. Oh. You know what I mean? There's like, you. I don't know. Yeah, yeah, poisonous snakes. Oh. You know what I mean?

There's like, you know. Crocodiles. Yeah, there's like roads that are like, not like. No, you can just walk through it. The last guy I got from Home Depot to clean up my yard, I talked to him about it, and he had to walk through it for two days. You walk through it?

Yeah, like you go with a group, so you don't. But aren't there like people that like, can they kidnap you and? Yeah, yeah, he said you have to go with a group, you don't. But aren't there like people that like kidnap you and. Yeah, yeah, he said you have to go with a group. You have to like know people, but like you just walk for two days with no food, nothing like it's all. But our country, we take that chunk of land,

we pave the roads and we do a fucking toll. Don't you think? Okay. You wanna come to Brazil, you wanna drive? Money. Money. Right. We'll have like a a loves gas station there So they can buy like lottery tickets and beef jerky

Why'd you just sound Asian just now? Crazy there's so many Asians in this So we would what would you have there? So we would have a toll. How much would you charge? I would have like a crocodile, you know, the crocodile hunter type guy where it's like, you can come and hang out with the snakes because I'm from Florida, so I like that kind of shit.

Oh, we'll have like a crocodile Dundee guy. Yeah, we're. And we have like a. Not the Dundee, it's like the crocodile hunter. I know, I know what you're saying, but what I'm saying is that we'd have like a petting zoo area. Yes, for reptile, dangerous reptiles.

Yeah, but how much money can we make off of that? A lot. Yeah, but people can see crocodiles in Florida. Like we gotta have animals that. Okay, okay. You know what the. Sex shows with the animals. That's where you're coming.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We don't do a donkey show, we do a crocodile show. Yes. Did crocodiles have penises Oh, you can cut the end of the snake off and Wow That's crazy Would you you wouldn't do that I don't have a penis so yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, well yeah

I don't want to think about that so we do so we have a love we have a love a petting zoo a horse jeez That's our secretary of state We have a love, a petting zoo. A horse. Jeez. A horse show. That's our secretary of state. She chaps in every once in a while. A horse, what are you talking about? Fuck. No, no, no.

How about? Oh my. Oh, that's a crocodile penis? Whoa. Whoa, dude. It's kind of small for as big as a crocodile is. Yeah, I imagine Groot having that penis. I'm guardians of the galaxy.

Anyway, that's where my mind goes. Yeah, and then so we charge there, a nice hotel. Like a Four Seasons. Really? Oh yeah, Four Seasons, yeah. Yeah. In a casino. Oh.

I'm gonna have a casino. Definitely a casino. What? In a food court. You can have two. This is our secretary of food in agriculture. Jaime, excuse me, Jaime, you wanted a pipe in? Are you masturbating under the table?

Oh my God. So Jaime, pipe in, what would you like proposed? A food court. What restaurant do you want there? One Panda Express. I knew it. Classic. I knew it.

Ah, so. Panda Express. What'd you say, ah so? Express. What'd you say? Ah-so? Yeah. Food from your place. Food from me? Like I'm cooking? What do you mean? No, like from your people, like Costa Rica. Oh, okay.

Costa Rica. Some food from your place. A Jollibee. Yeah. We put in a Jollibee. A Panda Express. Taco Bell. A Taco Bell.

Yeah. Can we put some nice restaurants there? Alright. Like a Maestro. In-N-Out. Or a Boa or Steak Bell. A Taco Bell. Yeah. Can we put some nice restaurants there? All right. Like a Maestro. In the Nellies. Or a Boa or Steakhouse. A Chile. Outback Steakhouse.

Baby back ribs. Yeah. Okay, good, so we can make some money here. Outback Steakhouse. A comedy club for you and me. A in my future career. Riley's Club. We do different things.

Yeah, oh. For Lusk different things. Yeah, oh. For Laskat night. Yeah. No, I wanna say something to you, Riley, and I wanna admit something to you guys. A couple of months ago, I went into a strip club. I was so lonely. And they don't charge a lot for lap dances anymore.

Did you guys know that? It was like 40 bucks for like 20 minutes, but I'm like. 20 minutes? That's a long time. I know that's what I'm saying. It's not that much. Whoa. Yeah, yeah. I did go to a kind of a gross one, but you know what I mean?

You never worked in a strip, did you? Yeah, I did. When? Yeah. Before? Yeah, before I got into porn. I made like zero money. Why? Why? I lost money for people. Because I'm like, yeah, basically, I'm like super social and friendly.

All right. The guys would like hustle me, cause they'd be like, oh, she's just gonna talk to me and I don't have to give her money. All right. They're like, give me money. Yeah, the most I made, I think is like $80. Really?

Yeah, and I was like, I could make more money at McDonald's. Yeah, you can't do dances? You never did any dances. I did dances. Yeah, yeah I was like, I could make more money at McDonald's. Yeah, you can't do dances? You never did any dances. I did dances. Yeah, yeah. But like, I just don't know how to, like I didn't know how to sell the dances.

Oh. Like, cause I would just like hang out at the strip club. Like. Let me see how I would do it. Let's see your guy. I would sit next to you. Oh, that's how you do it? I'm the dude, right?

Hi, I'm Charlatane. Oh, sorry. Charlatane.'m sorry. I want a different name. I just made it up right yeah, oh, we know yeah We don't yeah You know how sometimes they use like a mineral yeah, yeah, I'm quartz. Oh there we go Yeah, pretty good. Yeah, I'm quartz electric work I'm gonna name it make it. I'm Quartz. Electric Quartz. You have to name it. I'm Electric Quartz.

Hi. Hi. Wow, you have a delay, huh? Anyway, you come in here often? No, it's my first time. Yeah? You wanna have some fun? Hell yeah.

Yeah, you want me to give you a little private dance? Oh, I don't know. Oh can I tell you something? Tell me. Can I tell you a secret? Yeah. I don't I give the best ones here. Oh yeah can you give me a little free shit? No no no no no because I'm telling you it's so good I can't give it out for free. Oh well I don't know. Well I mean do you want to come? Of course I want to come. Wait let me ask you this when you get lab dances do you generally cum? Of course I wanna cum. Let me ask you this, when you get lamp dances, do you generally cum?

No. Exactly, I'm guaranteeing cum. You sound too confident in not seducing me enough. Okay, you like to see my nipples? I wanna cum. That's good. You're fired. Oh yeah, is that how you do it?

Let me see that. I don't know, I feel. How about this? Let's just do it, let's just do it. Let's just fucking do it. Stop, stop, stop, stop. Just be more graceful. Yeah, you're right, you're right, you're right. I'm going a little too rigid.

Yeah, you're right, you're right, you're right. I think I'm doing it more of a SNL character. Feel it. Hi. Boom, boom, boom. I don't like you. You're like, hi. You seem so scared.

He's just like, ahh. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's all the way. I can't wait. Soften your shoulders. Relax your shoulders. Is that what it is? Yeah, you be, help me because I've never done this before. Go ahead.

Put your chin down. Chin down on this. Yeah, there we go. Hi, I'm electric quartz. Okay, use your arm. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz So yeah. It's like you're itchy. What? Slower, slower. Slower. Slower. There we go. Like you're, good, slow motion. Chin down? Chin down.

Keep hitting her with the zaps. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Do you do that in the back room? There we go. Oh yes I do. And more some. Give me the word, give me the word. And more, and more. And more, and more. And some. Hit it with his ass. Zip, zip, zip. Zolt, zolt, zolt. What the fuck?

Anyway, I charge. Do you have a butt plug in? You know what? Do I have one? Yeah, describe your butt plug there. My butt plug is gigantic. Yeah, my butt plug is like a log. More analogy.

More analogy. You know, okay, have you ever been on a lake? Yeah. You know how they play that game where two people get on a log and they try to get each other off? I like, you know what I mean? Too much explanation.

No, no, no. Keep it simple. No, excuse me, I have to talk to my inner self. It's just that, I'm just describing the size of the log. You know, you're right. Yeah, yeah, you, no. Keep it simple. Keep it simple. No, excuse me, I have to talk to my inner self. It's just that, I'm just describing the size of the log. You know, you right. Yeah, yeah, right. So it's that big of a log. Wow.

And it spins like two people are like playing that game in my butt hole. Wow. Yeah. Can we replace the plug with something in my pants? Yes. How much extra is it? Free.

No, no, charge something. Charge, oh shit. something. Really? You're gonna walk out with $80? $10. Fire? You know what? $10. Yeah but you have to wear, you know, I have to, you know, I have my special electric quartz condoms. Yeah it's made out of um It's made out of what marmoset skin. Yeah marmoset skin gilded t-shirts gilded t-shirts and I'm right to say Yeah, yeah, so it feels like you're not even wearing a condom You're down. Let's go. Let's go. Hey get your partner and try to do a threesome. Hey, hi I'm sorry. This is my friend. What's your name again? Tiffany Tiffany, but she has a stage name. This is my friend. What's your name again? Tiffany. Tiffany and Tiffany. But she has a stage name.

What is it? She has a mineral and an adjective. So what is it? Mountain Valley. Yeah, she's like the water. She's like the water. Oh wow. She's always wet.

Oh. Mountain Valley is always wet, dude. Who's this? Yeah? What? Who's this? Tom? Who's this? Tom, what's your name again? Yeah, my name is Tom.

Timmy Tom. Little Timmy Tom. Are we going to the back room? Yeah, we are. Ten dollars for anal. Thirty minutes straight over. Did I charge more? Yeah, you little bitch. Mountain Valley. Mountain Valley.

Splashes of water. Oh, yeah, yeah. No, no, just. Oh, I have water down here. Mountain Valley, what are you doing? Don't actually throw water. Mountain, I can hear your inner thought, okay? Which is that guy, right?

Yeah. So anyway. My inner thoughts are a white guy. Yeah. Yeah. Sounds about right. Now we gotta go to the, now he, you're the doorman. Okay.

There's not a doorman, the person that, there's always somebody right there. The manager. No, not manager. Ricky. There's, Ricky? Ricky. There's always a guy that brings you into the back

that you have to pay that guy. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's you. That's you. Your name is Michael, you have a deep voice. Michael. Yeah.

Deep, deeper. Hi, Michael. Hello. What's my name? Hello, electric horse. Hello, Michael. Do you remember my friend? Watery Valley Mountain. What the fuck?

Mountain Valley. Mountain Valley. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's been working here for 20 years. Yeah, she's our head. I'm sorry. I'm tired Yeah, yeah, this is Timmy Tom Hello, I want to buy a dance Explain the rules. Yeah, explain the rules. So the rules are Mountain Valley will suck your... Oh, the brothel. What, what, what?

Suck your butt? No, no, no. What's going on here? There's new rules? We're only charging $10. Yeah. Um, electric quarts will... Will do a dance... A dance, yeah, a dance.

With special... With something special for $10. Which is what? Thriller. Oh yeah, Michael Jackson. Thriller. Thriller. Right, I do that. And then what does Mountain Valley do? Mountain Valley will do something behind you. Which is what?

Do a full-blown show. Um. He'll crawl and do like animal things. Yeah, yeah, and just do, give him an example, Mountain Valley, over your animal things. I can do the crab walk. Don't, just do, don't say. I can't get down on the floor.

No, but just do it, do it, do it. Show us. No, do the snow leopard, do snow leopard. We love your snow leopard. What's snow leopard? Just do it. down on the floor. No, but just do it. Show us. No, do the snow leopard. Do snow leopard. We love your snow leopard. What's snow leopard? Just do it. Just do it with the move. Yeah, there we go.

Alex the lion. Alex the lion's the snow leopard. Anyway. God damn. All right, here's- Okay, you can go in. Yeah, but charge, how much? $10.

No, no, no, no. What? You charge a 20 to get in. Oh, it's- Our dance is 10. Oh, they said 20. I thought it was just 10. I only really want Electric Horse.

But Mountain Valley is special. Oh, we know. Yeah, we know. We know. We know he is. She is, I mean. Yeah, she's very special. So, if you want an extra, it has to be 20.

Yeah. Is she worth it? Not really. But do it. Because then I could get two dances with you. That's true. For 20. Mountain? Scram.

No, I need this. Why? What's your backstory? Yeah, come on Tiffany. Your real name. I don't have... I can't meet friends. What's your backstory? What's your backstory? Yeah, come on Tiffany. Your real name. I can't meet my friends. What's your backstory? I've been here 20 years. Thank you.

Thanks for adding to the e-mail. You add no information. He's repeated everything. At all. I've been here 20 years. We got that. Yeah. Wow. My backstory is my parents were Haitian warlords.

And I was a white girl in Haitian. I don't know how I got there. And you know what took me there? A tornado. Just like Wizard of Oz. Dorothy. Dorothy. And they brought me back to return me back to my home

But my parents died in a fire So I decided that let these Haitian folks mung doodle and Tanya my parents Long do Lentania they raised me no one heard you say the names again What no one heard you say the names again? What do you mean mung dool and Tanya? Yeah? Yeah, I said it again Should I say it again? Yeah do you mean, Mangdool and Tanya? Yeah. I said it again. Should I say it again? That's my inner thought? Mangdool and Tanya.

Haitian warlords. My parents died on fire. Well, they're not dead, but they're crispy. And I don't want crispy parents. You know how they get crispy? You don't? Fire. What?

Through the fire Anyway, that's what that's my backstory not tell me your back my backstory. I come from a European To to parents when you're pretty we smoke cigarettes We eat chocolate you crazy Americans, and you're porn. Okay, good, very good. Tiny Tom, what's your backstory? I've been married three times. I have seven children.

I don't talk to any of them. Actually, maybe you're my daughter. Can I put it in your butt? Yes, dad. Please, dad. But don't ask for any money. I'm not gonna ask for it. I'm gonna disappear as soon as I come in your butt.

All right, and then what's the doorman's, your backstory? I'm Korean. What a backstory. That's a good story. From where? From North Korea. How'd you get here?

I escaped through swimming. Oh, you swam? Yeah. I see, so you went from North Korea, got in the water, and you swam to South Korea? You could've walked across. You could've walked across. But you decided to use your skills. My skills, because I'm good at swimming.

Yeah, yeah. And then when you went to Korea, what happened? I met a girl I fell in love, and then she broke up with me, and then that's it. Did she work at this club? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's great.

What a fantastic thing we did. Wow. We created a TV show, right? What are you, fake smoking? Yeah. Yeah. So Riley, do you have your own podcast? No, but I want to have one.

When? Maybe this year. You should team up with somebody I want to team up with like my employees that I work with like my my employees It's like a group of girls. Oh, yeah, and we want to like just kind of like Shoot the shit kind of like how you guys you want to do that then? Yeah, that's like our goal for their 2025 You gotta get guests on no, yeah. Yeah, we want to do it. Yeah, yeah, we wanna have guests. I'd love to do it. Would you have me on? Of course I would. I'm gonna expect it now that I came on.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 100% we'll do it. Yeah. That's it, you'll do it where, in LA? Yeah, yeah. Good, good. What else do you have this, do you wanna promote anything else that you have going on?

Um, not really. Did you have fun here? Yeah, I did. Good. I did have a lot of fun. Was it easy? Yeah, you guys were so chill. It's so chill and easy. Yeah yeah. You have nothing to promote? I mean like. Oh yeah my new flashlight. There

we go. You're so good at this. Yeah yeah. Yeah I got a new flashlight. Use my mouth. And I'll give you a review. Yeah. I want to know how it is. I'll have to give you the other one so you can compare it. What's the other ones? My butt and my pussy. I don't think so. He's a mouth guy. No, I'm not a mouth guy. I'll be honest with you.

Can I be honest with you? Yeah. Do you use a vibrator or no? Yeah, I do. Yeah. That's nice. Yeah. You have a brand that you use or no?

Maybe put your own brand. I use a Hitachi. Actually, I'm working on a sex toy brand. I'm trying to get with Spencer's. We have actually another meeting this Friday. That's where you, and look into the future too. Because I think this stuff is gonna be obsolete. I think you gotta go future.

Yeah, part of my plan is in the future is also to use like all organic products and things like that, that like people. Air wand. What? Yeah, yeah, so you'll sell my sex toy at Air wand. Shit like that. Like someone's gonna be, oh this is vegan.

Yeah, exactly. Vegan, no animals were harmed in the making. Okay, okay, okay. Keto. Keto, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you, you guys only use it in your game? I also am like working on doing like lubricants where it's like the bottles are really beautiful,

like perfume, that's like one of bottles are really beautiful, like perfume. That's one of my biggest goals is to make lubricant bottles that you could have on your counter and not feel ashamed of it. Not like an Astro Glide. Right, that's interesting. I want it to look like a perfume or a cologne. So you don't know.

So it smells? No, so you don't know that it's lube. It just looks beautiful. Well, it looks like a Red Bull can, maybe? No, it's just like, you know, like that. You know the Marc Jacob Daisy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It looks beautiful.

Yeah, yeah. Like that. Please don't do the hot cold thing. No, no, no. You know how some of the lube has that heating aspect of it? I hate it. No, no, no, I'm not gonna do that. It burns so bad.

I just want it to be pretty. I'm not having to sit with Balrog from Lord of the Rings. You know what I mean? I don't need the heat, you know what I mean? Yeah, I'm not trying to be like pretty. Like I'm not having sex with Balrog from Lord of the Rings. You know what I mean? Like I don't need the heat. You know what I mean? Yeah, I'm not trying to do icy hot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I'm saying.

Yeah. So nothing to plug. Follow her on Instagram. Yeah, let Riley live. It doesn't get deleted. Let Riley live. And what a pleasure to have you on. Can I have one last question?

Oh, yeah, yeah. Hold on. OK, have one last question? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, hold on. Okay, so speaking from your expertise, am I using the word right? No, but keep going. Jesus Christ. Yeah, yeah. No, so like a friend of mine, he has issues with like ED. Okay, already dude?

Why? It's pissing me off. Why? Okay, go ahead. So it's hard for my friend. What, she's not a doctor. Well I know but like. Oh sorry sorry. So the question is you think is he gay? If he has a hard time. He's the context of this. Um. Okay so he tries like one night stands but. Oh that's why he has ed problems. But then he has his

girl crush and with her it works perfectly. Yeah, that's why it doesn't work with one night stands. Because your friend is wanting to have, you know. Real love. Yeah. Because there's a difference in making love, and then just having a one night stand. Would you think so?

Yeah, having an intimate connection is definitely different than just a one night stand. I think it's really common that people struggle with one night stands because there's nothing that you can actually commit to and bond with. There's nothing that is driving you. Yeah. Is it you? Yes.

You have ED? No, well, I have love connection. Yeah. Not with you. Can I share something with you? Hi me blue Chew no, not blue. Chew. Excuse me. No So I can't I've never been able to get a rug unless I can feel that they're like really into me really especially lately Intimacy right there. Yeah, yeah, that's my whole point

I have to if they're like I'm trying to have one night stands and have fucking sex with strange women that you don't know Yeah, I agree. Yeah with strange women that you don't know. Yeah, I agree. Like. Yeah. Get Riley to read her under applause. Wait, wait, let's end on this. Let's end on this.

This has been clean. So you guys were talking the entire podcast about Riley being an actor. So I had Chachabte write up a script. Yeah. And Riley, I would love for you to try your best. You play the music, Bobby? Yeah.

It's a telenovela serious drama. Yeah. And Bobby, you come in too, so just be ready. Interior, dimly lit bedroom night. Riley and Jaime stand near the window Moonlight casting a soft glow over their secret embrace Their faces are closed whispering confessions of love Riley whispering

Jamie we shouldn't This is dangerous Right. I don't care about the risk. I love you. Wait, cut. Cut, director? Cut, cut, cut. First of all, zoom in more.

I can't zoom in. You can't zoom in? Literally, I cannot read it. My eyes are so bad. Well, give Jaime his note. Yeah, here's the note, right? Are you playing a character? Yeah, it's a telenovela.

Okay, okay, then keep it. That was a good choice. Good. You ever seen a soap opera? Soap opera? Okay. You're going to bring it in further? Yeah. Let me see if I can get it. Riley, what is this? Okay, that's good. I can read there. Let's start from the top. I'm sorry for interrupting and directing it. You made a character choice.

I like your character choice. And let's begin. And. Here we go. Interior, dimly lit bedroom night. Riley and Jaime stand near the window, moonlight casting a soft glow over their secret embrace. Their faces are closed,

whispering confessions of love, Riley whispering. We shouldn't, Jaime. This, this is dangerous. Riley, I don't care about the risk. I love you. You're the only thing that feels right in my life. Riley's eyes glisten with tears, torn between her feelings and the weight of her marriage

but what if he finds out he'll never forgive me forgive us Jaime pulling her closer let him know Riley I fight for the world for you you worth it suddenly his list grows stronger the bedroom door bursts open. Riley's husband, Bobby, storms in. His face contorted with rage. He slams the door, shuts behind him. Riley!

What the fuck? What is this? Riley jumps away from Jaime. Her hand flying to her mouth, Jaime stands tall, shielding Riley with his body. Bobby, I can explain. Explain, explain what? That's my wife has been sneaking around with him.

Bobby, calm down. This isn't how. You don't speak to me, you snake. I can barely believe this. You come into my home, into my marriage, and you can steal my, what, mine, what's mine? Raleigh steps up to me in a voice trembling but desperate.

Stop it, both of you, please, Bobby. I never wanted to hurt you, but I haven't been happy for a long time. Bobby's face softens for a fleeting moment, but he quickly hardens again. And this... What is this? And this is how you deal with it? By betraying me?

Jaime clenches his fist, but keeps his tone calm. She deserves to be happy, Bobby. What? Even if it's not with you Bobby lunges forward grabbing Hami by the collar Riley screams I made doesn't flinch locking his eyes with Bobby do what you want to me But you know how deep down you lost her but releases Jaime shoving him back roughly He looks at Riley his expression and makes of anger pain. I

Never met no, that's on my line. I gave you everything Riley Pay me right here strewn out her face her voice barely a whisper Bobby stares at her for a long moment. Before turning, Stormy slams at the door behind her. The roof falls into silence, broken by Riley's sobs. Highway pulls Riley into his arms, holding her tightly as she cries softly. It's over now.

We'll figure this out together. Bobby's outside the door moaning. Fade out. Wow. Wow. Wow. What a great, you were the best in that. I think my character.

What was your choice? I don't know. I was trying to do a Sean Connery. Oh my god. Was that what you were doing? Yeah, I was trying to do a Sean Connery, but it came out. I was doing Austin Wells, but I couldn't.

It came out really weird. And I came in and did it. Yeah, I was trying to do a Sean Connery, but it came out really weird. And I came into it. Yeah, yeah. That's pretty good. Yeah, pretty good. Anyway, that was fun. What an episode. What an episode.

Give Riley a round of applause. I can smell the or not a team player? I am a team player. You gonna eat balut? Do I have to? Yeah you do. Am I gonna throw up? You might. No, just have a bite time for Hi, May. Is this it? Hi, May. Balloon time. Is this it? Yeah. No, wait.

Hi, May. Wait for the song. For balloon time. Balloon for you. You're in. Chirp chirp chirp. Chirp chirp chirp. What, what?

Dead. Oh, ready? All right, so Hi, May. Do you remember what this is yeah? Yeah? Just one bite we want to see you take a bite swallow a bite. Yeah, tell us what it is If you remember it's a Fertilized egg a duck egg there you go there we go Jules gonna show you wait you need to Bobby I already had so many Jules show him how to do it. There you go. Just crack it Hi, May, hi, May

Hi, May, hi, May, there's other cultures that you need to experience. Yeah. Hi, May. Yeah, they can stay over there. Yeah Open it up. Okay, just try this try this one. What's this? Yeah, Lou Open it up. Okay, just try this try this one Look at you she opened one up for you. Okay. Okay. Hold it crack more cold it crack more the top for him Yeah, you get to get to get a lot like yeah get a lot in there like half the egg broken Yeah, you have to get broken Cuz you have to try it's really good. Yeah. Thank you Okay This this soup is really good the soup part. Yeah, there we go. I may take a look Hold it hold it Jaime

You can try the soup first Should he just bite it or you want him to drink the soup? You can drink the soup first. I'm gonna get off your phone. What are you doing? or do you want him to drink the soup? He can drink the soup first. Jaime, get off your phone. What are you doing? Jaime, what are you doing? Recording the last message from my mom. Okay.

Wait, can you eat it first? Oh, can you eat it with me? Well, you eat yours, son. You eat yours son. Why are you nervous Jaime? It's different. Yeah, look at yours. This is way worse. This is way worse. Okay. You ready? Together. Together. Countdown. Yeah, you already put vinegar in there. The flies are flies already coming I know they love it they all want it

Yeah, cheers cheers cheers it first wait wait wait what you can like slurp the Tone to bite it first just tone. Okay, just bite it. No this bite this. Yeah, it's egg yolk. It's egg yolk Yeah, you're doing it. Maybe see I have the feathers here with me and the eyes By by what you do first Jules It's easy easy delicious yeah, no no you with your mouth like that no like big chunk Yeah, yeah, no, that's not that's a part of the Go eat it. No. Yeah, you eat it. Hi, baby. Yeah, I mean eat it Bobby will fire you he's told me this behind the scenes Just try it Five oh, let's go dude. I gotta go gotta go. He's late. Let's go

Hi, baby, stop fucking around dude. Let's do it. It's food. It's not food. It is food, man. Go. Go. Go. Go.

Ha-Hi-Me. Bobby's gotta go to the show. I gotta go, dude. I don't eat. Go. Just go. Big bite. I gotta go.

Kylie. Kylie Jenner. I gotta go. Ha-Hi-Me. Let, just go. Big bite. Kylie Jenner, I gotta go. Haime, let's go. Just this one. The white one. Let's egg-yo, go. Bite it.

Bite! You gotta bite! Haime, come on, let's not fuck it around. Let's go! 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. You're not going to. Let's go five four three What three you're not going to no you're not It's egg it's egg Big bite big bite big bite big bite big bite. That's it. Yeah, don't put your fingers. Do what are you doing? Go go? Yeah, it's not bad right

See look at mine I already bit like the head of it Describe it. I'm not a man, huh? Yeah You hate it All right, hi man tell the camera tell mic, what did you think about it? Yeah. I took a bite in the... The mic, the mic.

I took a bite the other day. It's not good. What does it taste like? Nothing. No flavors. That's why it's not bad. But I can smell the rawness. It's not raw.

What is it? We can try the soup thing. Drink the soup. It's not raw. What is it? You can try the soup thing. Drink the soup, it's easy to go, suck it. Good! You did it though.