TigerBelly - Sal Vulcano and Bobby’s Ring of Destiny

Episode Date: June 11, 2024

Comedian Sal Vulcano makes his first TigerBelly appearance! Make sure you stay for the end, something a little extra for The Slept Kingdom! We chat chemical castration, Red Lobster, funny guy gooey center, Toffifee, Sal's bar, and nightly rituals.  Go to www.zocdoc.com/belly and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then find and book a top-rated doctor today. That’s  www.zocdoc.com/belly.

["Sukhumvit"] I think I love him more than you now. Okay, good. I already know that you don't really like me that much. Stop! You do. You don't like me. And I think your ego is out of control. We talked about it. Did we not talk about that? Let me touch your knees.

I'm going to touch your knees. I'm going to touch your knees. I'm going to touch your knees. I'm going to touch your knees. I'm going to touch your knees. I'm going to touch your knees. I'm going to touch your knees. I'm going to touch your knees.

I'm going to touch your knees. I'm going to touch your knees. I'm going to touch your knees. I'm going to touch your knees. I'm going to touch your knees. I'm going to touch your knees. I'm going to. Stop. You do, you don't like me. And I think your ego's out of control. We talked about, did we not talk about that? Let me touch your knee. Stop, don't do that dude, that hurt.

There you go. My mom's obsessed with Jaime. Yeah, people are obsessed with you dude. Yeah. What did I do? You're just like the most, like I don't know, you're so hard not to love. You're so not to love.

It's just a cute test. And you're so, people love to hit you Dan. No! Yeah people love to hit you. Yeah. People as in you! No I love you. What do you think? This is your second time here at my house. Yeah Craig Ferguson's done this once. Oh my god. One time. Who else has done this once? Jordan Peele. Judd Apatow. Judd Apatow. Once. I don't know why. You're second. How many times have you done it behind me?

Four or five times, I think. That means you're the most loved, aren't you? Oh, God. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you guys both, this is what happened. It's almost as if like, a one woman gave birth to twins. Then one of the kids went to a good home

and the other kids went to a bad home. Which one's the good? Yes. No, you know that. You know you're wicked, right? And diabolical. You know that, right? And you're untrustworthy sometimes.

You're shifty, me. You're shifty. But you dude, you're the good child sometimes. Okay? You're shifty, me. You're shifty. But you dude, you're the good child. Straight A's, right? Yeah, straight A's. He was raised by me. That one was raised by you. Yeah, yeah.

Captain of the football team? No, just the football. Captain of the football. That is a football? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that football loves you. Okay? You're the captain of a... Of a football. Yeah, yeah, of one football. One football. Yeah, yeah that football loves you, okay? You're the captain of it.

Of a football. Yeah, of one football. One football. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You get many, many, many women, just to be your friends, friends only. Just friends. Yeah, friends only.

You have a lot of friends on girls. Is he here? Dan, sit right here, Dan. Come over here. Yeah, Sal's here, you gotta leave. I'll talk to gotta go you gotta leave Why did you do it when his back? Fuck machine buddy. How are you right give me a hug man

Hi Sal It's fine it's fine Yeah, like you want to use the head cans or no you're not a can guy whatever you want me to do I'll do it no whatever you as far as the can Are you comfortable I'm cool without them, but you know what maybe I'll try without them if you prefer I don't think you like that. We've tried it. You hate it. Let me try one time. Okay. Let's go over time. Let's go Yeah, I hate I don't like it Anyway guys, um, wow, what an exciting be beautiful day That we have with us and let's just pray. Dear Heavenly Father, thank you so much

for sacrificing your son for our sins. Our sins are bad. I used to masturbate to medical books in the library in high school. So I would like to see a titty, but it's like, they'll say, this is what breast cancer looks like. I don't know.

Wrong? Wrong part? Keep going. I'll cut that part. Talking off to breast cancer. Yeah, you're right. Not? Wrong card? Keep going. Yeah, I'll cut that part. Jerking off to breast cancer. Yeah, you're right. Not the best way to start off. All right, let me start over.

Jerk off for a cure. Yeah, you're right. I know, I would, dear Lord, sorry, sorry, dear Lord, let's start over. Can we start the top down? Sorry, my bad. That was wrong, right? Dear heavenly, let's not smile or laugh or let's just be really in the tune with the Spirit.

I'm weird, I'm locked in. Oh, let's get locked in. Dear Holy Father, Lord Jesus Christ, Heavenly Saints, and Miemawgon via love soplen. I don't know what that was, but Lord, thank you so much for my life, for the food, the pleasures, the daily pleasures of life, you know? Some sexual, some not, you know? Mostly sexual.

But you know, I know it's a sin, but it feels so good, Lord, thank you, Jesus, so much for that. But I repent, and it's bad when I do it. I've been a bad boy, been a very, very bad boy. And don't spank me that hard. Okay. No? Amen. Amen. I know because you're a Christian, I'm my bad. Yeah, man. You know, I'm talking... But honestly, the spanking part that hard. Okay. No? Amen. I know because you're a Christian. I'm my bad. You know, I'm talking... No, honestly, the spanking part is good. No, I think that you were offended by that. I wasn't. And that right there is my bad. I felt it. I felt it was good. No, because I really want

to learn about the Lord. Okay. Okay. So that was my first prayer on a pond. Is that true? No, probably not. No, you've done like 80 of them. I've done 80 of them. Right. Right. That was a roller coaster ride. Did you feel the spirit though? I felt something. But not... I'm still processing it. Yeah, you're processing it. Okay, good. So, you know, there's a very big hit TV show, Impractical Jokers. It's legendary. You know, it's probably the biggest show of its kind. And some of the people on the show,

I know all of them, but some of them, and I don't like to talk about physical traits and what they look like, but there's one that's on it that is a little guy with bald head and he looks like he has like, he's like a pinhead from those back in the circus days, you know what I mean? Barnum and Bailey, you know?

He's balding, I don't know what his name, what's his name? Microcephaly. That's his name, Microcephaly? No, that's the condition. Oh yeah, yeah. That's the condition. Yeah, the guy to the far right. I feel like you're referencing Mur.

Yeah, yeah, Mur, yeah, yeah, yeah. And the Italian guy to the left, you know, he looks like Sebastian Malascalco if you lived like for without a spacesuit in Mars You mean because when you have oxygen stuff, that's what this looks like. Okay. Okay. Yeah The other one just looks like a coach for some sort of like B soccer team Okay Spain, but the best-looking guy is what we have in the most talented one out of the group We have in my opinion we have. In my opinion. Just so happens. In my opinion, I'm sure, you know what I mean, we can have arguments throughout time, right?

He's the only one I've really kind of talked to, I think. I think that's why I'm saying it as well. Sure. Yeah, he's, I think you're the only stand up out of them too. Yes. Yeah. And also you're the only one that like is family adjacent because you part with Chrissy D. Yes. And you have that? Chrissy, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, you guys still have that? Yes. Yeah, and it's a great podcast. I mean, I know my friend, Yana's cried about it, but we can just let that go as well. You know what I mean? Because that's his feeling. I love Yana.

Yeah, you know, we do, hey, who doesn't? You know what I mean? But there was a betrayal there, and we could just talk, we don't even have to talk about it. We don't even really even have to address it. We'll have to bring it up, yeah. Yeah, yeah, but there was definitely betrayal there, and we could just talk. We don't even have to talk about it. We don't even really even have to address it. We'll have to bring it up. Yeah, but there was definitely Shakespearean betrayal. Wow, Shakespearean.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're daggers in the back. Salacious. And we don't have to focus on it. And that had nothing to do with you, Sal. Yeah. Sal Vulcano, give him a round of applause. Woo! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sal, you know, it's so funny because, do you know I worked for you once? You worked for me? I mean, yeah, we worked together. No, I worked for you. What? Underneath him. We worked together.

No, I worked underneath you on a project. Yeah, we cast you. Yeah. Yeah, and we worked together. No, no, that's not what it is! And you know that's what it is! I don't want to get confrontational cast you. Yeah. And we work together. No, that's not what it is. And you know that's what it is. I don't want to get confrontational with you. Look, I don't see television in terms of color.

So. Oh, it seems a race thing. No, I know. No, I don't see it like that. I don't see any hierarchy there. I mean, you're my friend colleague. This, that, that we were looking at. What was it?

I forgot. It was a project with actually we Howie Mandel wasn't it that's right it was um I forget the nature of it I really do I mean I forget it was hidden camera driven it was hidden drag calendar I know that you were there you guys were there okay okay maybe people weren't supposed to laugh they didn't know they weren't in camera but they weren't supposed to laugh I think that's what it is. We're two guys It was me and I don't want to say the other guy's name who you know, oh by the way, you know, I mean My hats off to him. He's just yeah. Yeah. He's a friend colleague. Can we say that? Yeah, I love you man

On his journey. We're all on a different journey, but I remember doing it. I remember going I hope this gets picked up. Because in my mind I'm like, dude, do you think, right? Check it out. I love you so much, thanks for being here. I appreciate it, thank you for having me. There's something about your face right now. It's really doing it for me.

Oh, that's great. It feels, no, it's. That's terrific news, because the opposite is not doing it for you, and I wouldn't want that. What do you mean? Well, the opposite of doing it for you is not doing it for you. I wouldn't want you to look at my face and be like,

your face is annoying me right now. That's true, but I think if it was annoying me, I wouldn't say it out loud or publicly. Okay, well let's see where it goes on. Speak your mind. I could take everything. I know you can. That's what, it's your strength is what I admire.

Right, it's the strength is what I admire, okay? So anyway, this fucking fuck face doesn't do it for me. He's bad, bad boy. Anyway, so when I was there, I'm thinking to myself, Howie Mandel, right, and then you guys, it's a surefire fucking pick-up. Never heard of it after that. Yeah, me neither.

How have you done a lot of those, like, pilots and stuff? Sure, fair share, yeah, yeah, yeah, a lot, yeah. And did they, have they, some of them gone? share, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot. Yeah. And did they, have they, some of them gone? Some of them. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, but never to the tune of what we had have going for us on this one. I mean, how long has it been now?

13 years. Jesus Christ. On there. We're filming season 11 right now. It starts July 11th. Jesus Christ. I know, it's kind of nuts. It is nuts.

It's great. It's wild, yeah. know, it's kind of nuts. It is nuts. It's great. It's wild, yeah. Yeah, it's, you deserve it. Thank you. Yeah, but here's the thing about you though, because I've been watching you over the last, God damn man. If we were in a war dude.

Yeah. I think you would defend me. Yeah, like if we were in a war on the same side. Even the- I saw that, that's what I would have signed up for. Even the opposite side. Yeah, like if we were in a war on the same side? Even the opposite side? That's what I would have signed up for. Even the opposite side? Yeah, I could imagine that. I don't think you would shoot me

if I was in the Vietnam side. No, I could imagine being in a war and then having, like, and not wanting, like if it was just me and you, I'd be like, just let's not say anything, let's just go. Oh, dude. Always, yeah. Because I would know, if we were in Vietnam.

I would have been drafted, I wouldn't go to war I know but if you were there just hypothetically, yeah And I saw your American soldier on vietnam right? I would like to be there. I know bungalow Yeah, you like bungalow banana papaya, right? Pussy right and then you and I would just run to the bungalow. Yeah, I mean maybe just live out with our days. I Don't have to be sold on this. I think it sounds delightful. You say that with your eyes. It sounds delightful.

Papaya in a bungalow, in a tropical, sounds great. Yeah, but I mean, you'd have to work. I knew it. What would I have to do? Some sexual favors. No, no, no, that's not, hey, you're crazy. We did the fucking Lord's Purr and everything. What are you talking about?

That's insane. That's out of pocket You know what honestly honestly right now apologize to you. I'm so sorry apologize. I'm sorry I said don't be like that. I won't ever again. Okay. Anyway, so we're going back to our fantasy. Yeah, yeah So you would have to chop wood for sure is it just me and you what this pussy so that I don't have it Okay, so it's me and you? Well there's pussy so I don't have it. Okay so it's me and you and potentially one. It's not like I did my pockets, it's like a real human. Okay, okay. So it's you and I and potentially one female

or just an abundance? Oh no, a variety. Oh. A variety. From 25 to 40, you know what I mean? And they're all very good people. They know, they read. Some of them read like, you know,

they some of them read like the power of now. Okay. Yeah, yeah. And they get spiritual. They know about the moment and being mindful. Anyway, aside from that, you'd have to work. And then we would probably have to, you can't just live in a bungalow, you and I. Why?

It's a small bungalow. We'd have to extend it. Do you know about art, like construction and engineering? I know it exists. No, I can't hang. I'm having a hard time hanging a picture frame for real though. Really? Do you call it Task Rabbit for that? What's that? Do you call it Task Rabbit? I've never done that, Task Rabbit, but it's intriguing. Have you done Task Rabbit things? I can hang things. Oh no, but you've used task rabbit? I have, yeah. In a general sense?

Yeah. What's that experience been like? Because I've always wondered about it. I mean, it's just somebody who comes in and assembles the furniture you don't have time to assemble. Oh, is it just furniture assembly? No, it's everything. So it's everything from like, if you just need a handyman,

but you don't need like real construction stuff. So it's that in between. And these people come vetted. Well there's reviews. Yeah, there's reviews. So I asked, I can use this fat fuck over here. Sorry, thick the fuck. Okay.

That was so aggressive of me and I'm so sorry. You're muscular. I'm trying to just learn everybody so So he's ugly. He's... It's the eye of the beholder, correct? Sure, sure. So how do you feel about him just visually? You seem like a very sweet person. I am, thank you.

You exude it. Thank you. I don't know the definition of that, but it sounds nice. That you're sweet? No, the other one. That you exude it. Thank you. I don't know the definition of that, but it sounds nice. That you're sweet? No, the other one. That you exude it? Yeah. It's coming off of you.

OK. I get a sense of it from you. OK, thanks, man. You too. Did you know about Sal before? Here? Before Tiger Bell? Yeah, yeah.

This episode? Yeah, yeah. I think everybody does. Are you intimidated? No. You weren't nervous at all, be honest. No. OK, good.

I've seen him on TV. Yeah, yeah. Well, most people, when. I've seen them on TV, so. Yeah, yeah. Most people, when they see somebody from TV come into a room, they get a little nervous. Really? I get nervous walking in here because I didn't realize there was so many people here.

What did you think was just a one-on-one thing? Like Rick Lassman's outfit? No, but I didn't know. You hear me? No, this is a professional outfit. This is nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is amazing.

Thank you so much. This is my house. I live here, yeah. I didn't know that until just very recently. Really? About 10 minutes ago. Yeah. Well, you're welcome here every time. That's so nice of you. Listen, we'll get to it, but let's go around the room and see how you feel.

Okay. What do you think about her? Oh. Yeah. I mean, in what way? Looks. Like my general energy. General take.

I mean, that looks maybe. Don't get angry. It's okay. I mean, what I've gleaned and gathered from the moments that I've been here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Gleaned and gathered, do you know those words? Glee. Yeah. Glee, the TV show?

Let's move on. Glee, yes. Glee, like the TV show is correct. He was hitting the head really hard when he had the baby. And what about Gilbert here? This guy to the right with the orange hat. He seems very suave. He pursed his lips when you said his name.

I know, I saw that. Almost like LL Cool J's cousin or something. Bro, bro, bro. I'll take that. You're so intuitive. Yeah, I'm trying. You don't have to try. It's so easy for you.

I know, I was like, God, I love you so much. What about this white piece of shit over here? Pre-proposition. I don't know who you remind me of. I have a friend that you are me of and I have you seen like Columbine and all the school shooters I've seen Got that kind of vibe. No, is that too much? No, you seem on the nose you seem cool, but not too cool for school, which I like Do oh my god, I love you

You're absolutely right about that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you remember like Enron? The company? The company. They went on. There was a lot of CD things, right? Yeah. He's the guy that does some of the CD stuff.

Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. He goes to the strip club, pays people off, stuff like that. How does that relate to Enron? It's the Enron CEO. See? Same kind of white. Same kind of white, dude.

Right? You're not that kind of white, dude. Congratulations. Thank you so much. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so of white, dude. Right? You're not that kind of white, dude. Congratulations. Thank you so much. Yeah, yeah. So then what about this brown cricket looking guy right there?

Why am I here, man? What? Nothing. Hello. Hi. I feel like you are someone who keeps very good company. I feel like you surround yourself with people that are probably like artistic people, creative people. Autistic.

I don't know, not autistic. Like full blown artistic. Dude, you're so good. I don't know, you just seem like a chill guy who maybe like is creative and I feel like you probably surround yourself with those types of people. That's right? Is that right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, and then last but not least, come to me. I think you're a tragic clown in the best possible way. Wow. No, what? That's amazing. That is cute. Yeah. I think that you are a real, you know, a real like fun loving off the wall jokey guy. But you know in the center you're your gooey gooey nice guy. Yeah Yeah, yeah creamy center. Yeah creamy center. Yeah like um One of those like twinkie a twinkie is nice. Yeah yellow, but you know, can we center in the middle? You said it on me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What's the truth? I think that's uh, what what popular opinion is of you know Twinkie?

Part of the country yes funny guy gooey center. No, you know I you know Like a rollo or something They do yeah, I only know that because I have a podcast where I scream about candy with my friend on it. And that's, we look at it. Oh, can I ask you about candy? ZocDoc for you, ZocDoc for me. When you're healthy is good, is good for me too. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare highly rated in-network doctors near you and instantly book appointments with them online. Like, why wouldn't you do that?

You do that with restaurants, you do it with other things. Why don't you do that with your life and your health, right, Kalyla? I mean, once you find the doctor that you want to, you can book them immediately, no more waiting awkwardly or on hold with a receptionist. And all of these docs, by the way, Bobby, have all been verified by like real people.

Yeah, and we're talking about booking appointments with tens of thousands of top rated, patient reviewed, credible doctors, and specialists. What do you think, Haim? Seems pretty good. You can filter like specifically for ones who take your insurance and like who are located near you, treat basically any condition you're searching for.

That's true. The typical wait time to see a doctor booked on ZocDoc is between 24 to 72 hours, that's it. You can even score same day appointments. You guys, Bobby and I have a lot of weird little ailments. His foot, my eczema, my sweaty hands, and we've used ZocDoc for when we need specialists immediately, and we found great doctors on there.

We use it. You should too. Go to zocdoc.com slash belly and download the ZocDoc app for free. Then find and book a top rated doctor today. That's z-o-c-d-o-c dot com slash belly. Zocdoc.com slash belly. See.

I'm a friend on it. And that's what we look at. Can I ask you about candy? Sure. All right. So there's. I was like, absolutely not. That's right. I want to describe this candy and I forgot what it was called, but I was dreaming about

it the other day. Right. It's a circle. Okay. Okay. The middle of the circle is a dark chocolate. Okay. A rind is like maybe a lighter thing.

When you bite into it, there's some sort of nut thing in it. And it comes in fours. Hold on, hold on. Can you describe it again? The middle is dark chocolate. Is it a hard candy or is it like... It's kind of hard, right? It's not chocolate. It's not a cookie. It's not a cookie. I don't think there's a cookie element to it. Okay. Right? And you get it at, you could get it anywhere. You could get it at gas stations at 7-Eleven. So it's a very genericky kind of thing, but I don't know how else to describe it. Can you say it one more time, dark chocolate in the middle? Yeah, so it's a dark chocolate,

and maybe on the outskirts of it, it's a little lighter. Okay. Right? Maybe there's a caramel aspect to it, I don't remember, but in the middle, there is like a nut in it. A nut? Yeah, yeah, yeah, or something like that. You're not talking like a Ferrero Rocher.

No, that's a circular, right, with nuts on top of it, right? Yeah, no. I'm so sorry about that. It's okay, no, I've mentioned this, a pie. A pie? Yes, so it's shaped more like a pie. Like a peanut butter cup shape? Yeah, but it's littler and smaller, right?

Do you even know know what's that? We're going through some alright, right cuz you zoom in cuz I can't even see yeah All right, like zoom into that one right there that okay see the bar none it kind of comes off that kind of coffee Faye yeah good to go to top of me. I think that might be it If I got this I'm very happy with myself It looks like a disc with like a chocolate dot in the middle Yeah, yeah, yeah. It looks like a disc with like a chocolate dot in the middle. Yes. That's it!

Wow! Top of thing! Oh my god. I still got it. You got it. Wow. I've never even had that. Bro, top of thing.

How did you know? They still sell them. I've never had it. But did I describe it right? That's what made me think of it. You described it correctly. Yeah, yeah. I think I described it pretty well.

Right? Did I do it right? Yeah. All right. There's another one. What is this? The whole show. Here we go. No, I could do this all day.

Yeah, this is a candy. He's a candy guy. I'm not, but it's fine. Okay. Yeah. This one is, okay, so it's more of a stick-like, you know what I mean? It's maybe the half of a size of a Twix, right?

Okay. But on the outskirt, it's all these chunky nuts. In the middle is like a peanut brittle-y kind of thing. Is it crunch? It crunches. Oh. Does it crunch? No, it's not.

So it's not crunch. Did you, what did you fuck you say? Is it the candy crunch? It's not it, right? He's saying is it crunch, like Nestle crunch. Nestle crunch. Was that the, is that what it is? Was that the jingle?

I don't know if that's the jingle. Made up a jingle, I've never heard that in my life. You think that's the jingle? Nestle crunch. Nestle crunch. Catchy. Yeah, yeah, no that's not what it is. Yeah, yeah.

It's a jingle. But it's chocolate. No. What is this? It's a peanut brittle-y thing. It's a brittle, like a brittle. Like a butterfinger. Yeah, but even more like...

Okay. Where is this sold? Is it also packaged and sold at the counter as an impulse purchase amongst candy bars? I wouldn't say, dude, that deep of a cut of like you can get it at 7-Eleven, even though you might be able to, but this is an item that you probably get at grocery stores. Is it individually wrapped? It's no but it comes I think in twos It's very elegant. I swear if it's a KitKat. No, it's highly loud. It's high level No, no, no one of the things you were talking about earlier where was a circle with the nuts on top of it

Yeah, what you call that? It's like that but a different shape. Upscale. Upscale shape, yeah. Okay. And it's like a tube? It's like a pretzel rod? I wouldn't say tube. I guess yeah, tube would be a nice thing.

When you bite into it, it probably shaped more like a Kit Kat, but because of all the nuts around it, right, it looks tube-like. I can't even think of a single thing that comes close. Chop nuts around it. It's like the most popular thing, guys. Really? And I think I'm describing it as good as Tofife.

Really? Yeah. OK. Maybe we can get back to it later, if you think about it. OK. OK. think about it. Okay. Okay. And then so, so what do you like? What's your, what's your favorite, what's it called, licorice? Oh, I guess not, not Twizzlers. What's that other one? Red Vine. Yeah, that's it. Yeah. I think that's just a little bit more palatable.

It's a little more chewy. Yeah. And I don't have it often, but when I do, I feel like it's a special day Where do you use it usually eat it because I can tell you where I usually it's got to be like the random movie theater That'll carry it. That's exactly where I yeah, did you and I are I'm sort of God dude If we were on some sort of game show we win the title I'd love to go on a game show with you that you ever been on a game show I mean you guys have been we my my family just did a Family feud. Oh my god. Wait, I was supposed to go against you for that.

What? I swear to god, I swear to god, they asked, I've been trying to do it for years and the timing never works, and then like just only, not even two months ago maybe? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They said, oh, they gave me the dates and they said you'd be going up against Bobby Lee. Damn. Why didn't you do it? Again with the conflict.

I couldn't fly cross country. That would have been the best episode of all time. It's my favorite game show. You went up against Flav Flav. Oh no way. Did you do it on my team? No. How could I know that?

Us two. Yes. Esther Pivinski. Okay. Andrew Santino. Okay. And my friend Gene Hong. Oh, so you just got to do it friends? Oh, you're gonna bring your, I don't have a family. Okay.

Alone. Okay. Who were you gonna bring? Well, they offered it to the guys from the show, so I guess it would have been us, and then I didn't know who else would come. That would have been fun. Yeah, oh, you just jogged my memory.

I've been on game shows in the past. I've been on Pyramid twice. Wow. Yeah. One? With Michael Strahan. I won, well you play for the contestant. Okay.

So one time I won and one time I lost. Oh, well that's good, it's 50-50. Yeah, 50-50. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then, I was on some other game shows. I'm forgetting which ones though, but. Yeah, yeah. I mean, Family Feud was one of those shows

that I never thought I'd ever thought I'd ever do. You know what I mean? Was it surreal? We were really nervous, because we wanted to actually do well. Did you practice a little bit? Yeah, we did. You didn't go in cold?

No, no, no, we had family meetings. I think I pulled my weight pretty well. You did a great job, and that's all I can say. And I think what we didn't realize is the first round doesn't fucking matter. It doesn't matter at all. At all. My special came out this week. I have a full bid on Family Feudant about how the first two rounds don't matter at all. They really don't.

Triple points. Yeah, triple points for all the marbles in that third round. I wish I would have seen the special before I went on the third round. No, same, because it's like who cares about the first two then. You could just answer one question right the entire half hour. Just steal the very last question at the third round. Anybody listen? Yeah. It's bullshit.

Yeah. You could answer every single question right with no strikes for like 25 minutes. But if you don't get to 300 and you guess wrong on the last question, the other family wins. Yep. Anyone listening right now to my podcast, our podcast, my bad, is I don't care, if you're on Family Feud

and you're asked to do it, don't pick your family. Don't pick people that like wanna do it. Pick, be strategic. Even your own worst enemy, if they're gonna win it for you, you pick that person, okay? Who failed you? I can't even get into it right now. Rank everybody. Rank everybody, including yourself. Including yourself. You know, Steve

Harvey before this or no? Okay, here's, did we talk about this yet? Well, how he brought me, well, I can say it again, right? Yeah. He goes to Flavor Flav and they do a 20 minute, like, history, history. In 1988, him and I, you know what I mean? In 2000, it's just history. They broke down hard. Broke down, right? And in my mind I'm like, oh, mine's gonna be pretty simple, like he doesn't even know, whatever.

So he's just gonna, some generic, he podcasts or whatever, right? Right, right, right. He comes up to me and he goes, I know you, to me. I'm like, oh fuck, this is gonna be good, right? He goes, something happened to you, every day for a whole summer. What?

So check it out, right? There's a viral clip of me, Brian Callan, and Brendan Schaub when I tell them that I was molested by a guy with Down syndrome, and I was molested every day for a summer. You're fucking with me. No, I'm not. I'm not.

You're fucking with me, that's what Steve Harvey brought up. That's exactly what he brought up. That clip. Millions of views. Yeah. There's Gen Z kids that don't know him as Bobby Lee, the actor or comedian,

just the guy that got molested. I drive down the street, people go, Down syndrome! Yeah, I's there's gen Z kids that don't know him as Bobbie Lee the actor comedian just the guy that got I I drive down the street people go down syndrome No, yeah, I swear to wait wait, but that's what Steve Harvey brought up. You know, he turns the audience I can't tell you more than that He goes I can't tell you all more than that, but you look it up yourselves But when I saw that I showed my whole family all my friends, you know you know what I mean? And I'm going, oh that's my intro that I was brutally molested by a guy with a gun every day for a summer, and this is a fucking nightmare.

Like I went to like, I've done actual movies and stuff, it's fucking crazy. What about your credits? He had no idea. No credits. No credits. I was on a national game show because I was brutally molested

Yeah, it's a celebrity what is what what did the audience Do you laugh they don't think you were if they didn't know you then wait says Bobby Lee on the thing, right? Yeah, but they don't know Bobby Lee. They're like, why did they just bring a guy? He's got molested. Oh That's right. That's right. If they don't know who you are, then what does Steve Jobs, Steve Jobs, Steve Harvey's didn't explain any of your credits? What I thought was cute, though, is that the charity we were playing for was Special Olympics. Awesome.

So it kind of went hand in hand with your interests. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're giving back to that community? That's wild. It's a real, it's a real saint right there. I'm a real saint, oh my God.

Your prayer is so much more powerful than forgiveness. That's so funny, dude, I never do. You're so intuitive, dude. Oh my God, I like it. But you're right, I gave back, but my point is that I could not believe that that was it. But you know what? When you're in situations like that, you just have to kind of like,

you smile to yourself and I go, this is, regardless of what it is, unbelievable. It's unreal. In all good way. It's surreal. Because in your life, you know, like, when people come up to me and they go, like an Asian guy will come up to me, a young guy,

and go, hey man, thanks for paving the way, or whatever, it's like, you know, I don't know about you, but I did it through for selfish reasons. Like, right, like fame, in the beginning money, and you know, hooking up. I mean, in different orders at times, right? But that's why, and then, you know,

but it's like, aside from that, you know what I mean? Just because we chose to do one thing, you get to experience things that you could never, ever imagine for yourself. And you're in places, you're like, you have to pinch yourself and go, this is unbelievable, like I was so desperate, I had no money, I had no future,

I had no dreams or goals, and this was the only thing that I was kind of good at, right? And thank God it kind of worked out for everybody. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So if not for comedy, what would you be doing, you think? Was there ever a plan B, plan C? I owned a bar, I owned a restaurant.

Oh, nice. Wow, wow, wow, wow. For a bit, but I was bartending so I could do comedy and then I was like Learning the business so I had a backup plan. Yeah, and then I got I bought a bar and like oh I'm not even kidding like a month later. We got the show and I just bought the bar Oh shit. Wow. You have to be put your life into this thing Yeah, like if it's a business you have to put your whole life into it So for the first two seasons I did both and I would work

Like eight to five on the show and then like six to four in the morning at the bar To the point where I got to two years. I almost had like a complete full nervous collapse because I think I was sleeping like four hours a night for two years like oh and then I finally made the leap of faith of like after we got like after the second season and I just relinquished my shares in the bar with my friend and I just, I said, I'll be a comedian now. Wow. Is the bar still there?

No. It's gone. It left shortly after. Wow, wow, wow, wow. That's such a difficult decision too. Cause like second season, you're thinking, I mean, like things don't last ever. No, never.

I couldn't believe we got to one season and then at the end of the first season, I was like, well, there's nothing else to do. Yeah, like we did all the jokes and like, you know Here I am in season 11 and we just signed for 11 and 12. It's like yeah I didn't think I could do it and then um, it was really nerve-racking You know like it was like and I could have I put most of my savings into the bar as well Wow, so it was just like it was I mean the numbers though in the second season probably were good though, right? They were really good. Yeah. So that, I mean, you know, in your mind, you have to go, I think we can look at for another couple of years. You know, it was my first

successful venture into this area, into the space. And so I really didn't, I couldn't really count on that. I have experience now in the industry and I would like maybe make a better measured decision, but back then I also, we had no power, you know, like we didn't we were still like they still had us like under their thumb So it's like, you know, I didn't feel like autonomy or anything like that So it was it was pretty frightening to to make the leap but all good things, you know But do you know what? Do you know when that changed when you felt like? Okay. I'm like I'm in charge You know, um, so, so since we were there. Well, that's not a weird question.

I mean, in everyone's career, there is a moment where you go, okay, I think I can do this for a long time now. Oh yeah, I get your question, seriously. Yeah, okay, good, good. Yeah, yeah. All right. In regards to the show, the network has changed hands

four to five times in our tenure there. Wow. And then like the second time, when someone came in the second time, they were, the first regime was terrible. They were terrible. Like the guy, I've told this story before, but he ruled by fear, this guy. No one at the network liked him,

and we asked for a raise from season one to two, and he told us that he would he would focus group the show and whichever Guy was at least popular he'd fire him and then we could absorb his salary as a race. Oh my god Yeah, and then crazy after the fourth episode. He there was finally a joke. He didn't like and he called us in and told us that That could never happen again. And so he wanted us to pre-write every joke and we said well This isn't the nature of the show then the show we improvise and we go in the moment and we don't know what's going to happen. And we're just setting up scenes and going with it. He's like, well, then what you'll do is you'll just write jokes for every single type of person, age,

create everything. So that when someone could, yeah. So we're like, this is impossible. Yeah. He ended up getting fired, but one thing was cool. We did to him was like, he said he would take us out to dinner one time. Like, yeah, cause we got to second season whenever. And he's like, we used to him was like he said he would take us out to dinner one time like yeah cuz we got to second season whatever and he's like we used to go as like to Red Lobster to celebrate through all of our successes growing up because we've known each other since we were 13 Wow we'd go to Red Lobster and he was like I'm not going to the Red Lobster he's like I'll take you guys to like per se this really fancy seafood restaurant and we're like now you know

whatever we left and we went to the Red Lobster in Times Square and we stole the beeper. You know when you're waiting for a table? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's like a red claw, red beeper, like a lobster claw. Yeah. And so we went and stole it. Yeah. And we put it in like a beautiful box, like a velvet, like on a velvet pillow and like

we wrapped it and everything and a bow and we just sent him it. So like, you know, like me and like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So he ended up taking it. He ended up booking a reservation there, and I didn't know this but in Times Square There's a private room in Red Lobster. Why did well? Well, it would know that like the captain's quarters or whatever yeah And so we got there and we were there before him and so we sat down the waiter came in We're like look This is we're gonna do this guy like when he when he comes here like when we're when he comes and we order

Yeah, I'm gonna say I want this thing right here, just like one thing. I want you to, when I say I'll maybe take some, like I'll have some crab legs, bring like 10 pounds, 15 pounds. When I say I'll have some lobster, like three and a half, four pounds, the biggest lobster you have for all of us,

and just keep bringing it. Please do us this favor. And you guys are like, I got you. And then we ate, it was like four of us and him, and the bill was 750. Yeah. So he got it. And he opened up like a CVS receipt in his face. Like you just saw him. Oh, he was the head. He's paying for it. He's paying. Oh, that's so open up like a trifle. And he was like,

literally said, what the fuck? And then my, the, the mother guy Murr who you called out earlier On his desk jet printer you print out a $5 off coupon And then when he was when he was like unspooling the receipt he was like he slid he's like I have a five And the guy's like oh fuck you come upon he knew something was up, but he couldn't like Pegasus Yeah, yeah He's gone though now. He's gone. And then the next regime was really nice.

And then by that time, they were coming into something that was working already. And then as we stayed the course and the next regime chain, it just got more and more that you wouldn't come in and ruffle what we were doing because we had it down. So at this point, it's a wonderful experience. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it's like we're just you know, cat-throwing our own ship really but you also I mean, I don't want to you know build you up But why not? So I want to yeah, but what I want to do it

You have a little you but you have a little bit of extra from your teammates because you do they don't do stand-up, right? No, they don't do so we tore together for the last day for the last day. But you go tour on your own, too? You tour on your own? Oh, 100%. Yeah, I have a new tour just right now. Right, right, right. Released this week with my special. Did they get a cut of the money?

No, no. It's your money, right? We tour together, though. It's nice. We tour. Do they pod, too, or no? They don't pod. They don't pod.

They don't pod. I know they do. I love those guys. I'm just saying that he's got an extra thing. Oh yeah. Yeah, but I've always wanted... An extra. I always wanted to do stand up and did stand up.

So it's like, I just had that. And then over the pandemic, I started the two podcasts. And so yeah, so it's... I mean, cause you know, like this is what I... I mean, the show is going to end of, you know, we just signed for two, which is wonderful. I don't know how much longer, cause it's so time consuming. It takes up so much bandwidth

because we are in that much control. And then I have to turn down a lot of other opportunities. So I'm kind of trying to do both. But I think- You want to act too? Yeah, I'm acting in some things. Okay, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I want to act, sure.

I mean, the right thing. Do you guys ever, I mean, this is something I've always wanted to ask. Do you guys ever fight? Yeah, we've known each other now for 34 years Wow yeah, so um it's not not much But it happened to everyone now and again yeah, yeah, not like all of us, but like you know individually We'll have individual is there like one guy you fight with the most or no okay? No, but that's the known thing we

Oh he does. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's my boy. He's my boy. Love, love, love, love forever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, we haven't had a really big one in a long time. But it doesn't get to shoving. I shoved him once.

Really? Wow. No, he'll say I shoved him. Did I shove him or did I chest bounce him? Which, by the way, I'm not like a tough guy or anything. But I think I shoved him. He was wearing a duster, so it was extra funny. We were doing a bit where you had to wear a duster and he got so mad when I shoved him and he, because we've said this many times because it

was like a pretty infamous one in our relationship. I like, I got so mad because he accused me of something and I just was, I just was fed up with him and I might have shoved him a little. Then he turned to our friend, and he goes, he turned to our other friend, he goes, your best friend just assaulted me. And then he whipped his duster and walked away, but not for comedic effect.

Oh, wow. Which made it fun. But he was mad then. Yeah, he just, he like turned and his duster whipped. You know when like a parent goes, you know, your son's acting up to the mother? He turned to our friend and he's like, your best friend just assaulted me.

Wow, oh wow, that would have left you, man. And then how long did that like, day? No, it's days. It's not even. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't live like that. Well, you know, like with me and Santino. I love Andrew, he's a good friend, he's a friend of mine.

I know him more than I know you. I'm actually friends with him, but I would love to have this relationship with you as well Yeah You guys fight you bad But that I was never had the you know, I just never had the opportunity I'd like to explore it Well, we let this off of us living in a hut. Yeah, I'm like Mage. He did call you handsome. So I'll take that. I mean shut the fuck up Magellan what was Magellan like? He said explore. We want to explore. Oh, we hate us Filipinos. We hate Magellan I'm sorry. I didn't I couldn't think of it. I'm sorry. I didn't, I couldn't think of a-

We hate him. I'm sorry. I didn't think, I couldn't think of another fucking explorer at the time. Yeah, like- Yeah. So many others. What about those other ones in the Mississippi River and there was like two people? Lois and Clark?

That's it. There he goes. You know about that too. That's knowledgeable. But you must because you're friends with Chris DiStefano. And he's a history buff. You guys ever fight? Never once.

We've never had a single even an inkling of a fight which is crazy. I think he yeah there's nothing that he could do in my mind right now that would anger me to the point. Derosa? Another story. You brawl all the time. and I don't mean about food. Oh, do you do one with them too?

I do one with DeRosa, the taste buds one. Oh, they just taste buds. Hey Babies with Chris and the taste buds. I love DeRosa a lot. Oh, he's the best. He's the best. And then I just met for the first time this guy. He doesn't look funny. He doesn't, you know, I mean, I don't know about him, but he's a good Joe List.

Oh, Joe List is the best. I did never even met, I did one thing with him and Mark Norman and I never even met him. We looked at each other on his pod, like live, we did it live, and I had heard about him all these years. Was it Tuesdays? What? Did Tuesdays with Stories?

No, no, no, no, Mark, for the Netflix special done at the festival, Mark Norman did a live thing and Joe List was on it. I never met him before. I think that was their collective podcast, Tuesdays with Stories. So I think he was the co-host at that. Oh that was?

Okay, what? I'm not trying to just let you know. Well you're just giving me information? I don't want you traipsing all over town giving me some information. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not. But you live in New York, right? Yes sir.

You never come here? You never move here? Well, you know, we're talking hypothetical. I. You know, I was born and raised in New York and it's just like, it's tough. I love it here. It's wonderful here. But like I have my whole family there. You pull the family out of it, yeah, if I had to live in a second place, it'd be here. You know what I mean? Yeah, I just don't know.

And it's because maybe I'm not from New York and I don't know where to go. What? What do you mean? It's the easiest city to know where to go. I don't know where I am. I don't know where to go. I don't know what it's all about.

There's so many questions. He's not an adventure boy. Yeah, it's a grit. I get confused. Really? Yeah, I don't know how any of the subs subs Just work la is a lot whatever they call it. La is such a big city. It's so much harder to get around here Yeah, I know but I know it like the back of my head. I think that's the thing. Yeah, I know it in the back

How long have you been in LA? Well, thank you for asking You've started your career a very long time. San Diego. Okay. Are you single or old? How old are you? How old are you? I'm old.

52. Okay. What are you? November I'll be 48. 48? Yes sir. Oh, we're kind of in the same. Yeah, we're right there, babe.

Like you know probably some of the same information I know then. I assume. Okay, let me ask you some questions. Sure. Name me three Beatles albums. Oh, okay. Abbey Road, the Sergeant Peppers, and the White Album. You almost made me cry just now. Yeah, well, they are the most famous band.

But you, you, but if I asked him that, he wouldn't know. Why don't you ask Google? I know, but can I ask you? Name me two Beatles songs. Hey Jude. Yeah. That's the same. That sounds like the Candy Drinker. Name me two Beatle songs. Hey Jude. That sounds like the Candy Junior. Nestle crunch, Nestle crunch, don't make it bad, take a good crunch. Okay, what's the second one?

Hey Jude. You don't know. You gotta try, You gotta try. Paul McCartney, the Beatles. Yeah. There you go. Okay. Do you know anybody else in the band? Ringo. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's what I'm saying. This is, you know what I mean? But how old are you? You seem very young. 28. Okay. Yeah, but. It's pretty old. saying this is you know man but how old are you you see 38 28 okay yeah but it's

pretty old yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you should know but I didn't mean to turn on you yeah yeah I know but what I'm saying is is that what I find because I'm single and I've been going on dates yeah and I and I you know you can't like when they don't like they don't know things Like I don't know what the Vietnam War is. They had a war and then you kind of go, you have to just kind of, you know what I mean? I just kind of go, what? Like what is going on?

Yeah, there is a disconnect. There's a disconnect. Is it because, I mean, why do you think that is? I mean, you have also all the access at your fingertips, all the information. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, go ahead, defend him. I know you're gonna defend him.

He's just learning different things in school. Like, it's just a completely different generation. There's a ton of things he knows that you don't know. Okay, let's explore that. Okay. Family feud. Bobby was- See what I'm saying? I meant, now ask him questions about some musicians that you like... See what I'm saying? Hi, Matt. Now ask him questions about some of the musicians that you like. About what? Oh, there you go. Some of the musicians that you listen to or like. Do you know this guy named Eric? What was his name? Eric? Oh, you don't know either, dude.

Why are you looking at me, dude? I told him about... No, I'd like to explore this. Go ahead. All right, this is Asian rapper. He's blowing up right now. His name is Eric Rippad or something like that. R rip head or something. Yeah, you should check him out. Okay Do I win my point or no? Yeah, I think you did That's what I'm saying You didn't even try if I'm being honest, what's that Eric rip head? Is that his name? Riphead, Riphead. Okay, okay.

And that's the only one you like? No, no. There's Drake. Kendrick. Okay, go ahead, go ahead. Kendrick. Okay, tell us about Kendrick, Bobby. He's Canadian.

Oh, Kendrick? Yeah. Kendrick Lamar? Is he black? He's black. What's, what's... He's black. He's black. What's, what's... He black, he black. Oh, I thought, let's move on.

What's the biggest thing that's happened between Kendrick and Drake in the last month? It has to do with P. Diddy? No. No. Okay, let's move on. Oh, so now you just reversed it on me? Yeah.

Name three Drake albums. I can't. I can't either. I don't think I can. How about one Drake song? There we go. Just one. I can't. I can't either. I don't think I can. How about one Drake song? There we go. Just one.

I can't, no. One Kendrick song. I can't. So you're saying, and just to, and I admit I lost this argument. So basically what you're saying though is that a Drake album is just as good and significant as Abbey Road. No. I wouldn't say it's as significant,

but this is what the kids are growing up with. But my... Whereas you grew up in the 70s, right? I know, I grew up in the 80s, right? In the 70s. LAUGHTER 72? He's like a 90s.

This is what we did. I love it. 71. How can you say you didn't grow up in the 70s? You were born in 71. Yeah, but I was listening to music in a 90s. This is what we did. I love it. I love what you're doing right now. 71, how can you say you didn't grow up in the 70s? You were born in 71. Yeah, but I was listening to music in the 80s. Oh, you didn't listen your first 10 years of life? Zero music? At two years old, I wasn't going, I'm gonna get fucking Thriller.

I wasn't doing that. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It was even though Thriller wasn't even fucking, you know what I mean? That's my point is that in the 80s, what was around in my time in the 80s was Madonna or Depeche Mode and all these things.

And I knew about that. Yeah, but you're learning all of those things by- Sorry, sorry, sorry. Sorry, sorry, go ahead. By simple diffusion, by having it and hearing it every day because that's what people were listening to. Right, but I also know about history. So I still bought every Beatles album from the late 60s.

What's a castrato? What do you mean castrato? If you know music history. Yeah. What's a castrato? I know what a castrato is. Do you know what a castrato is? Err.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, you won. I just said you won the fucking arm wrestling. No, actually no one knows what a castrato is. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. To be honest, I just learned this last night, which I thought was fucking crazy. So apparently they used to castrate young kids

so that their voice wouldn't change. Like if they were like in the opera, say for instance, so they could always hit like the high notes and they would grow up to have very like femme features. That's how Michael Jackson did it. They didn't have a say in that? Michael Jackson had a castrato. Michael Jackson had a castrato?

Oh, shit. Had a castrato? What is it, a verb, a noun? What's castrato? Castrato is just a type of singer. Like that's what they were called. I have a theory. No, there's one of those.

That's one of the theories on my... Really? Yeah. So here's my theory. Here's a theory. At a young age, they clipped his nut sack, right? He has the voice. He has a ewe neck. Right? And then as an older man, he's like,

I want, you know what I mean? I want my get my nuts back, right? And that's why he assaulted little boys. Grad get him. Okay. He bit a kid in the thigh, right? He did? Yeah, yeah.

He did? I don't know, just the theory. Wait, he bit a kid in the thigh is part of the theory? No, because he missed. He missed. He wanted to get the sack. But this is a theory. It's just a theory.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, okay. No, he did bite somebody, right? No, this one was chemically castrated by his late dad. That's what his ex-doctor said. But chemically castrated. Whoa. How did he chemically castrate?

Oh, I was just reading about chemically castrated. Like the Joker, like the Joker. Can you tell me about it? I was reading about it today because they said that in Florida, Texas, so right now I think in Louisiana or whatever, they're trying to pass that if you get, if you sexually assault a child, that you can get physically castrated. But chemical castration is legal in four states for that offense right now.

I didn't know that. But they're trying to go, one of the states is trying to go a step further and being like chop it off. Right. Now let me ask you something, would you rather get chopped or chemical? I'm gonna, I don't know the process of either, but if I had to, like gun to head?

What? Gun to head? Yeah. Yeah, gun to head. What does gun to head gonna head man like I have no choice one has to happen I thought you were talking about the area of the penis Like the distance of like I'm like that's too much Just the handle just the handle yeah, yeah I think I would imagine from no knowledge chemical might be the easier way to go chop

Just by by virtue of the fact that it's legal and the other ones not it's legal in California Yeah, but chemical seems like it takes a while like Yeah, but maybe it takes a while, but like you don't really know what's going on like just one day like oh Like maybe it's happening behind the scenes. How do you chemically castrate some yeah? Yeah, I want to know but chopically castrate someone? Yeah, I wanna know. But chop seems like one chop. Yeah. Are you asleep? Oh wait, whatever.

Here's why you should choose chemical castration. Hormone therapy. It is hormone therapy, you could reverse it versus if you chop your balls off, that's where your testosterone is made. You know, your androgens, like, your important stuff is made there, so you cannot reverse it.

Unless you take, well, you can just take tests for the rest of your life, but I think balls are a sign of, you know, you guys are proud of your nuts, right? Not so much. No? Question. With the chemical, do your balls disappear? I mean, they probably shrink.

Shrink, they shrink, yeah. Oh, I think I mean they probably shrink. They shrink, yeah. Oh, I think I'm thinking it wrong. I was thinking it more like what the Joker went through. Falling in a vat of acid. Oh, you mean like dip your nuts in it? And I'm like, I don't want that. Like a dip cone. Yeah, you're talking more of like an inside the body.

An acidic burn versus just chopping them clean off. I chop them clean off. Thank you so much. That's what I was literally thinking. You know what I mean? Like, I don't want to be thrown in a vat of acid. That'd be crazy. Yeah, you thought it was like Terminated 2, where my balls are just going down on a chain.

One tear finally falls from them. Yeah, that's what I thought. That's really funny. Yeah, that's what I thought. Yeah, really funny. Yeah, that's what I thought. Yeah, but I guess that's wrong. So you're saying, yeah, I'll do chemical then. Chemical, cause. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right, you're right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It feels reversible. But what would happen if like, let's see me and Sal got our nuts like either chopped off or chemically, you know what I mean? Yeah. So what are the symptoms now of what's gonna happen to me? I'm not gonna be a horny? No, you would probably, well, So what are the symptoms now of what's gonna happen to me?

I'm not gonna be a horny? No, you would probably, well, that's also where your sperm is made. Will I think of girls? Yes. Will he lose just his ability to ejaculate or will he also lose his libido, I think is what we're asking.

I think probably your libido because estrogen would then take over. Right, so we wouldn't have as many sexual thoughts. But would you have a libido toward men then? Ooh, sexy. What? No, I don't know. I don't think so. I think all sexual. Women have libidos. Yeah.

All sexual, I think all sexual feelings will disappear. It's barely there, so. And be gone. Wow. Yeah, yeah. And then maybe I could focus on other things. Right? I mean, imagine. I wouldn't buy as many shoes or like, you know, get cologne or anything like that. I always thought like if I wasn't about if it wasn't for women, I'd have so much money

right now. If you if you decentered sex from your life and that wasn't a priority like ever. Yeah. Do you think you'd be more or less successful? Way more. You think? Oh, I've had I would have nine specials. In the can.

I have none, but I would have none in the can. Then don't you think maybe try celibacy? No, because it consumes my thoughts. Oh, it's the mind. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like a cherub in my mind. Wow. You know what I mean?

I feel like masturbation, if that's cut out, that could help, I think. A lot, I think. Yeah, yeah. Because I go through a whole ritual, do you? Well, in what sense do you mean? Not candles and like seance or whatever like that, but like my more like, you know,

they're just like, there's a, put the bath on. You know what I mean? See if my equipment's charged. That's a new thing now for me. What do you mean, charged? You don't want to be in the middle of it and then get low charged. That's a new thing now for me. What do you mean charged? You don't want to be in the middle of it and get low battery? That's what happened. Like one time my apparatus, I forgot to charge it.

So I'm still might have juice from last night, right? And halfway during it went and stopped and I was like And I didn't finish. You didn't either A, rapid charge it or B, just switch offline in here? No, it takes hours to charge it and then it's also like I can't do a hand, right? Because it's such a great sensation that the apparatus. Oh, oh when you said apparatus, I thought you just thinking computer died Flashlight machine I put around my dick. Oh, hello. Oh, that's crazy.

That thing dies. That dies. Cause you were like, I couldn't use my hand. I'm like, what's going on? I have carpal tunnel. Wow. I have a question. You have a lot of like electrical devices.

I know his like masturbation ritual. Okay. Cause we were together for a long time. He's in the tub at three in the morning. You don't think that you could get electrocuted? No, I'll tell you why. Why? Because the one I'm using now, I Googled it, right?

Oh, it's battery operated. It's waterproof. Yeah. Wait, your what? Your penis is under the water submerged? How else do you do it? I don't know. Wait, so you put the electronics on it and then you submerge?

Or is your penis already underwater when it meets the electronics? What are you talking about? Obviously. So you just take the flesh light and then you put it... It's not a flesh light. I'm evolved. What is it? It's a vibrating ring.

It's a vibrating ring. A vibrating ring. I'm going to go show it to you. I just saw someone get these VR porn VR. I've done that too. Porn VR flashlight or whatever. Well, I don't know that. I say I've never done that where the VR is attached to some sort of apparatus and that's

future. I think Heimann has a VR one. I just have a VR. I don't have. You don't have the machine. Yeah. There's a machine that goes hand in hand with it. You feel that you're there. I mean, that's the machine that goes hand in hand with it. That's right. You feel it can that you're there

I mean, that's intriguing. Yeah, what I don't like about the VR though is is sometimes they'll whisper So you're watching the VR right and a girl will walk in and then you see legs, right? Oh, that must be so fun, but the legs are always white Right. So I'm like those aren't my legs white right so I'm like those aren't my legs it's not me you know what I mean yeah and a woman goes oh it's so traffic and this and that and then she'll get undressed and then sometimes they'll like whisper in your ear right right and I look over and they're not there it's like a black you know how that it just clocks off and yes yes yes so then I go where'd you go

you can't change the race of your legs Jet that's I think the next thing they should do it. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. So Pete porn VR software has not evolved really yet. Well, maybe I'm using technology that was like two years ago That's two or three years ago the last time I used it. Maybe it's evolved since then. Yes Oh really? So you when you they whisper you look and they're there It feels like it's amazing when you they whisper you look and they're there it feels like it's amazing oh I'm telling you so the jingle bro bro you should be a movie reviewer or like you mean a restaurant you know I mean this guy you're so specific yeah yeah it's like a maizen yeah it's amazing? I should get it then. You should get it.

I'll send you the link. Why is it amazing though? It's just- No, just get specific. It's just amazing. I know, but what do you see? Do they say stuff? They just, you like, I have this app

where you can text like what they want you to tell you. What they tell to you. Oh, it's live. Yeah, it's like, you know. It's live. I'll send you the link. No, I don't need it. I don't need it. But like, so you live. Yeah, it's like, you know. It's live. I'll send you the link. No, I don't need it. I don't need it.

But like, so you go, hey, call me Jaime, whatever. What are you typing in there, Jaime? Yeah, what are you typing in there? Hey, call me like Big Daddy or something like that, you know? I'm fascinated by you. I want to spend hours with you, peeling this onion.

Good day. Good day. Good day. Good just peeling this onion. Good day. Good day. Good day. Good day. Good day, big daddy. Good day. It's like, it's English. He's Filipino.

Yeah, it's like a Sherlock Holmes, have a good day. I feel like I'm living in the dark. With my emancipation. It's just a hand. Well the apparatus, I have a blue ring. You can't go back now? It's that good that you can't go back? No, I know, well here's what I can do,

because I was just in Portland, I forgot to bring it. Okay. Right, so then I go, I'll have to blue ring. You can't go back now? It's that good that you can't go back? No, I know. Well, here's what I can do, because I was just in Portland. I forgot to bring it. OK. Right? So then I go, I have to go medieval and use my hand here. So I went medieval. Wait, you put this thing through the metal detector? Through the TSA?

No, that's why I didn't bring it. No, I just forgot to pack it. But it doesn't look like anything. It looks like maybe something that you would put around a pencil, not a pencil, but I don't know. So thin. So thin, Bobby, why is your ring so thin? One of the oversized gag pencils.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a thick marker. There we go, there we go. Okay, there we go, thank you. Like a Sharpie, Sharpie. So what does it do? Okay, so what it does is, I'll tell you how the evolution of it went.

Okay. Okay. So next to the comedy store, a couple of blocks down, there's a hustler store there. You sure? I'm sure. I've been there.

Yeah, yeah. Sure, yeah. For sure. Yes, okay. And so it's open a little late, and I usually get this thing where it's like this machine that does blow jobs or whatever. And basically it's like this blue clear thing.

And it's got the vagina in it, spring. Go ahead. You said I usually get this thing. I tell you what happened. Okay. I started to purchase it multiple times. Probably 40 times. Cause he keeps breaking.

Oh, so that was accurate. Okay Breaking and they're like $200 a piece. I usually get it. Yeah, I was like this is insane this gigantic blowjob apparatus Yeah, the water gets in it gets rusted understood why you had so many when we first lived. I'm sorry I'm sorry the amount of times like my mom has like not know. Let's not bring your mom into this. Like cause she cleans the house. No way. And so she's like cleaned these. Yeah she cleans it really nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Really nice. No. Yes, sure. She has inadvertently cleaned off your masturbation machine. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Not inadvertently, directly, you know. And then now I'm telling him like, Ma, do you know that those were,

and she's like, that's okay, we're family. You're family, yeah. But now she hasn't, since we broke up, she hasn't cleaned my house once. She hasn't come back. Yeah, so that was like an in-house, you know what I mean, like relationship situation. But the apparatus kept failing you.

Because that wasn't waterproof, so what would happen was I would put the oil in, right? In the machine, right, then do it, and then like, I always do it in my bathtub, right? Because the machine, right? Then do it, and then like, the, I always do it in my bathtub, right? Because if you do it, everybody gets messy. So do it in the bathtub, and then the water would rise, and then it would like, get into the machine,

then the mechanism would rust. Okay, go ahead. So many questions. I'm here for you. Okay. Okay, first you weren't scared of any electrical shocking at all. It's battery powered.

What does that mean? You're right. Maybe that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In my mind, I justify like it's battery powered, but I could still get shocked. Right. Yeah. Yeah.

But AA batteries? I mean, I just, there's an electric current in there. Okay. Yeah, you're right. You're risky. It broke every time you did it. No, not every time. It would last maybe two or three weeks

Oh, okay, and then the man it would get rusty. So that instead of going Make love to the tin man from the I don't like it. You know, It's crazy that you rusted out multiple master-proper machines. And then one day I was there, I was like, I looked at the thing, right? And I was thinking I was the only one buying it, too. You kept them in business, I think.

I think I do, because there was always eight, right? And I would like buy two, and when I would get back, there was still six. You wanted to save yourself a trip because you knew it was going to break. So I'm like, oh, I'm keeping this thing in business. They probably closed by now because I stopped buying it. So then when I was there and I saw the six,

I was going, oh, I just can't, this is not good. And also then my accountant was like, hey, man. And I go, yeah, he's like, enough, man. And I go, just do something else. And I go, well, dude, it feels, the sensation, I go, just do something else. And I go, well dude, it feels, the sensation, I don't wanna hear about it, you know? He's an old guy. How much of these things?

A couple of little bugs, but you get to. But he was a good accountant then, if he flagged that. I was just looking at it, he's like, cause it has a specific name, like blow job, you know, exterminate, blow job exterminator or whatever, and he's reading it, and he's like every week, you know what I mean, seeing this.

Every week. He's just calling me, it's the same thing you did with Clash of Clans, right? He's like, stop, stop, you know what I mean? With this. He's just calling me. It's the same thing you did with Clash of Clans, where he was like, stop, stop. With the video games. With the video games, yeah, right, right. So then he was like, hey man. And I go, yeah, I know.

So I went there and I looked and I was looking at that and I went to my left and there was like this clear display with vibrators, okay? But then off to the right, there was like these little rings, right? Your destiny. And I love, dude, I love Laura the Ring, you know that, right? I know everything about that movie.

I didn't know that, I've never seen one of them. What? What? Yeah, they always seem like a real big task. They're not. They all clock in like two hours and 45 minutes. They're epic adventures. I watched Dances with Wolves once and I got PTSD. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

I used to watch them. I will. Please. So I was like, right? It was like kind of like, you know, like I like rings, you know? And I go, and in my mind, and then it's in my mind is like, it had like a demonstration where you put it in my mind. So this is where my thoughts and this is how clever I am.

If you want to hear it. You're supposed to put on on the bass, right, so the women, it's for women. So you vibrate it, right, and it's for women, but in my mind I'm like, bling, you know the fucking light bulb? I go, I'm gonna put it on the head. Okay, because the blow job machine,

vibrated it as well, vibrated it as well. And I really like the vibration, right? So then I go, so I bought one. I charged it, I put it in the head of my deck, and I realized there's a little button that has different modes. So it's different vibrations for the women, but I love it.

So I memorized all of them, right? Vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom. There's a one. Classic, right? This is one. Vroom, v? This is one. Car alarm. Car alarm. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But the vibration goes little bit, right? Little bit. Then one of them was like this. I don't do this one hurt. I don't like that one. It's like, it's too much. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Runaway train. Right.

Right. The runaway train. Right. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And then there's one that I barely feel it. I don't like that one either. But the one right after that is perfect. So all that's happening is vibration and you're doing all the stroking manually. No, I only do, I don't know why we're talking about. I'm so sorry guys. I'm sorry if I'm following the wrong line of craft. It's just fascinating.

It's perfect. It's perfect. Have you ever used it with a girl? There we go. Because I mean, there- Dude, another light bulb just went in my head. I could do that? Did you see that?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, whoa. You're like- Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I'll say, do you wanna try this thing? You know what I mean? I bet she'd love it. Yeah. Okay, but I don't know how that works, though.

Oh, I do. What do you mean, that's what it's made for? No, Okay, but I don't know how that works though. Oh, I do. What do you mean that's what it's made for? No, no, but I put it on the, I don't even know what to do with it though. Just keep it at the base. Do I have to like lunge in a weird way? I don't know, I mean, is there like a, What is Bobby doing?

Yeah, what am I doing? You are the human being on the planet that has the absolute most experience with it and you still don't know what to do. No, because I know what it does to my anatomy. Sure. Right, I just don't know what, you. No, because I know what it does to my anatomy. Sure. I just don't know what, you know, because then we'd have to go through the settings. Like, do you like this one?

I mean, like, you know, it's weird. It's not. Okay, maybe we'll try. Let's not talk about it anymore. Okay. We have a guest here. I just have one question. Yeah, go ahead.

The people who worked at the store, did they like you or like, what's the deal? Cause if I worked there and you came in every time to buy something like that. Well, I have to say things. These are very uncomfortable things I have to say. I just let me know. I just always say this when I'm buying it. You know what I mean? Like, you know, whatever. And I gave him the credit. I just went, you know, can you just not talk about it? He's like, yeah, I get it. I get it, dude. I always have to have that comment. Oh, because he knows you. Oh, yeah. But then you're talking about it on your own podcast. That's what we cut it.

We won't cut it up. You're reaching way more people than he ever could. If he had a genie, he couldn't wish as many people. Yeah, because I don't want him to say the wrong thing. I think I'm saying it in a comedic way. OK. I just don't want it, you know what I mean? No, but the people that work there, they always choose like the super sex positive like this

Oh, okay. Okay. Yeah, yeah, because I buy sometimes two at a time and sometimes about like eight things You know, I mean, I just walked out with it. Yeah light bulb. What did you ever put two on at the same time? One in the base. I was I was meant to be here today. I was meant to be here today. I was meant to be here. You were meant to be here, dude. Holy shit, no, I've never have, sir. I just blew my own mind. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But then I have to charge two of them at the same time. Yeah, but that's okay. That's fine, yeah, yeah. You act like you can't charge. I believe in you. Wow, two at the same time would be wild. I mean, you never have an especial. Yeah, I know.

But now if you're thinking, you know what I mean, three, cover the whole shaft with them. The sky is the limit. It's like a ring toss. The shaft is the limit. It's not a limit, it's a three. It's three? Three?

Three's the limit. All right, all right, so anyway. Anyway, so Sal, do you have fun here? Is it over? No, it's not. That was so much fun, it went too fast. Yeah, it's almost over. I mean, the blue ghost is on.

Ah, I had so much fun. I can't believe I've never been here before. So would you come back? I'll come back tomorrow. No, because we would love to have you back. As often as you're in town. I would love to come back. Sometimes we have repeaters. No, because we would love to have you back as often as you're in town. I would love to come back. Because sometimes we have repeaters,

I would love you to be a repeater. Oh man, I'm honored. We've had, is this, what is this, your special? Yeah. So your special, they can find it where? On YouTube. On YouTube. Yeah, 800 Pound Gorillaz channel.

It's called Terrified. Then my tour went on sale the same day. It's called Everything's Fine, my new tour, it's going gonna be 100% new material. If you've seen me in the past, nothing from the special, all that stuff. Wow, and how many people, like you produced it yourself this thing?

I did, yeah. Wow. Look at all the people. I shot at the Vic in Chicago. Wow, that's awesome. Yeah. And then, who directed it? Eric Abrams.

Oh yeah. Eric Abrams, yeah, yeah. He's terrific, yeah. He's terrific, yeah. Looks great. Love that guy. Beautiful. This looks fucking beautiful, dude Terrific yeah, it's terrific. Yeah, love that guy. You know full this looks fucking beautiful Are you actually executive produced it are you? Shafir really? Yeah Wow So what check out sells dates? Yes, right check out a special terrified and then you know We'll definitely have him back here and you're doing other pods while you're here. Yeah, cool. Who else?

I'm doing I'm doing dr. Phil tonight My boy be going the road together and I'm doing uh, who else I'm doing glassman. I'm doing Pete Holmes, right? Howie I'm doing I suppose. Have you done how is before Bert? I haven't done his podcast before now. I love him Don't you love him? Yeah, I love him. I love that one person fucking much. Yeah, and then um, so you're doing a lot this week. Yeah doing a bunch Yeah, just came from Austin. I did all those so it's I'm just really just trying to hit it. Did you do? Rogan I did. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What was that? Like it was good It was my first one doing it like I didn't know really what to expect, but I was so nervous

I did it like three months ago. I was so nervous. Were you nervous? Uh, I tried to make like get like I tried to like not be nervous I think I wasn't nervous But I was like I had to make myself not be nervous because I probably would have been nervous I like right before I went and I just like there's no reason to be nervous like, you know Yeah, it's like so I just talked to you know And so I kind of like I'm glad because I think that took and I don't think I was really nervous during it Yeah, he was he was um generous to me in the conversation.

He's always generous, I mean he's great. And then YMH, you did that too? Absolutely, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did that, I did Theo and, oh well, Theo was a couple weeks before that. So but my point being though is that, do you, because-

Kill Tony. Yeah. Love it. It was great. But I wanna say, what's interesting, because I've been around a long time, let's be honest. Okay? And there was never this kind of relationship

between East Coast, West Coast. I feel like we're all one ecosystem, and I feel like there are no wars. I think that we all help each other, do each other's podcast. I love it. Yeah, when people get in trouble, they back people up and this and that.

I think it's just a great, and I never thought that we would get here as comics, but it's been so beautiful to watch. And then you see young kids like Dan, and we're trying to break into the scene, super talented young people that are bizarre and weird. Yeah. It's just, I mean, it's exciting.

I think we're in a really good high point here Don't you think? Absolutely, and we and we're doing things on our own too. Yeah, I mean without waiting for somebody to say, you know, I mean All right kid, you're the next guy. It's like you know, I mean, no, I love what we just do it Yeah, so I'm doing each other once I've taken into their own hands and everything and for me I'm not one for like for drama a contrary I love helping other comments love camaraderie of it and everything me too. I was nervous to come here I was nervous little bit to come here

You did so because I just thought you're such a wild card and stuff And I just didn't know what to expect from you guys, but it was like really really pure love I'm love at the essence of all all yeah dig deep down inside. You know I'm pure love, dude. I'm love at the essence of it all. Dig deep down inside, you know? I'm pure love. But anyway... I'm doing it, boy. I'm doing it. Well, I would do whiskey ginger every time I come in here. Don't talk about him right now, but in my point of view... You guys don't have guests on Best Friends? No, we would love to have you. Bad friends?

Yeah, we would love to have you. Yeah, yeah. We'd love to have you. Bad friends? Yeah, you do? Yeah, we'd love to have you. That'd be nice. That'd be cool. Let's give Sal a round of applause. Thank you so much. It's so nice to have you. Oh, that'd be nice. That'd be cool. Let's give Sal a round of applause. Thank you so much. Woo! It's so nice to meet you guys.

It's a pleasure. Thank you. So hey guys, so we had Sal here, and we just, one of the best guests we've ever had. We love him. But before he arrived, I just wanted, because of Jaime and Dan Ramos, I wanted to see, I just think that they're,

what do I say? They are eccentric. Different. Different, weird dudes. Sometimes they might not know much. Yeah. Yeah. But they have the heart and the commitment level. So I wanted to see what it would be the heart and the commitment level. So I wanted to see what would be like for them to be together and talk on a podcast.

And this next segment is them together doing things. Jaime, what was your podcast called together? What? You and Dan's podcast. If you had a podcast, what would we call it? The Papaya Bros. Okay. They started with being the Papaya Bros.

I like the Papaya Bros. Papaya Bros. Do you like it? And just so you know, Jaime, this wasn't broken and I wasn't testing it, Bobby asked me to do that. So we're actually recording you the whole time. Oh, this is the first episode of the Papaya Bros. Yeah.

I also think that it could have legs maybe for something in the future, no? As a regular thing. Maybe. Comment in the comments. Yeah, if you guys wanna see them together on their own podcast, we can make that happen. Would you like that?

Yeah, with Dan? You know. Oh, you want to pick someone? He would. Yeah. No, tell your, be honest, because he's not here. Tell me your feelings about Dan. He's a cool guy.

Yeah, but what are the negatives? Any negatives? No. Okay. I thought his last name was Thamos, but I heard Thamos, that's why. Okay. You thought his name was Dan name was Deimos. Yeah, I heard Deimos. That's why okay But you thought his name was Dan Stamos. That's what he said. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, but his Ramo. What's your last name Garcia? Yeah, I like it. It's very common. How do you like LA right now this week? I love it

Yeah, I love coming here. You love when we fly you out here and have fun. Yeah. Yeah I got a universal and all that you do and then Wednesday you're doing a show Thursday with Barboza? Yeah, the comedy story. Yeah. Yeah. He's the best. Is he not? Best friend? Best friend. Yeah. You love him. I love him. Would you die for him? Yeah. Oh. Depends on what situation. Just stop it. Yeah. Yeah. Just stop it there. We love you. We think that you have a bright future. Thanks, man. Okay.

Hey, what's up, guys? We're here back with the boys, the Grapefruit Boys. Yeah. I'm here with my good friend Dan Ramos. What's up? Papaya Boys, Grapefruit Boys forever. Oh, yeah, Papaya. I thought they were Grapefruits.

That's okay. It's still the pilot. Yeah. What's your name, Dan Ramos? Dan and Hymen? Hymen? Hymen? Hymen's like... Let's still the pilot. Yeah What's your name? Dan and Hyman Hyman? Oh, not like Hyman. I mean Hyman's like half of us back. We'll be back Dr. Phil Jamie Jamie. Okay, Jamie. No, hi me No, I was at the hotel and then the lady was like, what's your name? I said Jaime and she's like like the vagina or something, right? I

Don't know. It's okay. Yeah, it's okay so I just say Jamie. That's it. I need to switch. But what's your last name? Ramos Ramos, but it's not even short for Daniel. It's just Dan No, Danilo. No Dante is just no middle name. No, just Dan Ramos. Yeah, my dad. He fucked me up on my middle name What's your name? Junior? It's not supposed to be it's Jaime jr. Junior. It's not supposed to be, it's Hymen Jr. Garcia. It's not supposed to be like that. It's supposed to be Hymen Garcia Jr. Cause. Oh. Yeah. So you're like Junior Jr. Junior Junior. Junior square. Yeah. So you got two Hymens. Yeah. Two James. No. Yeah. Oh, this is nice. This is nice equipment. I like this. I'm gonna like move it just around, you know, just so that

Yeah, when I first heard your last name, I thought was I heard Stamos For some reason I said yeah, I'll tell you the craziest story of my last name Okay, I got into like just for laughs like 2017 and then my agent was like yo you you got this interview I'm like, oh, perfect. What was it for? I'm reading it. I'm like, oh, it must be like this Japanese corporation or this television thing.

So I go there. I'm like, you know, like Unagi, so uni, right? I thought it was uni, like uni vision. Okay. And then I might see Francisco Ramos and another female Spanish comedian. and then Dan Ramos. I'm like, it's not Uni. This is Uni. This is Uni Vision. I'm like, what? Do they think I'm spent?

Dude, the interviewer was already on Francisco Ramos. He's a pretty, pretty, pretty. And I'm like, no, you're not Mexican. No, Filipino, dude. You're Filipino. So the whole time I'm like, Univision! I thought it was uni, like the Japanese. Uni.

So then the lady is like, hola, I'm like, hi! She's like, she's like, tu, no, I'm like, yo soy Filipino. She's like, no, no. You speak Spanish now, right? Un poco.

Un poco. Dude, but, yeah. So, so little Spanish in that interview. There's a lot of C's and C's. What was the whole thing right now? You were like, are you... Is that what you heard or? Oh yeah.

That's not how we sound like. That's what I heard. I don't talk like that. Dude, I thought it was Univision. Okay, yeah. You know, not a lot of Mexicans up in Canada or... Oh yeah, no. I know, there were two big Mexicans that popped out of nowhere.

They were part of like my Sandlot in Montreal. You know Sandlot, the movie? Yeah. So up in Montreal was like me, this Indian guy, Chinese guy, and then like two big Mexican brothers. And every time we'd finish like playing games, son would set and like all right time to go home and the kids would be like no I'm like what do you mean no you don't go home but every time we went home they didn't go I don't know man yeah so what do you do I worry for those boys you work for the boys? Yeah. You know what I'm gonna teach you some Spanish lingo. Okay. Do you know what a paisa is? Paisa? No. Like a paisan? Yeah like a paisano.

Yeah. That's like my biggest fear right now. Of what? A paisa. A paisa is like a dude straight from Mexico. Like a hard-working Mexican. He's just looking at you No, he might take my girl and stuff, you know That's one of my fears, you know, is that a lot of like machismo that it's just like they're just hard-working Like no, but you're up by something. Let me see your hands. I Mean, I mean not like that, but let me see the Show me your See your hard-working hands

Let me see how much Yeah, those are baby hands. Yeah, I just write a lot Yeah, but these guys the biceps. Yeah, they're gonna be writing. No, they just hammers The beer all that it has to have like some sort of a straight thing. Roughly. Yeah. Yeah. Not me, man. When they feel a papaya, they're like, what's this, love? Yeah. You eat papaya?

See. See? I don't eat a lot of papaya. A lot of seeds in them, you know? There's one seed. Is it a one seed? No, I honestly don't know. I would assume there would be like oh No, yeah, yeah, you know you know what that reminds me of I don't know do you ever eat caviar yes

Oh, yeah, so like that. Yeah, I don't like you like caviar. Can you afford can no no for somebody caviar was at my friend's? bar mitzvah Shawn you're Jewish too? No, I went to like this weird... I'm just... I'm going to get invited to bar mitzvahs. I went to three bar mitzvahs and two bat mitzvahs. You know Jewish people?

Yeah, up in Montreal. Yeah, where I lived. I know one Jewish guy. Who? George. Yeah. Are you Jewish? No.

Oh. You just mis-raced someone. Yo, you just assumed this whole time? No, Jewish is not race. It's a religion, right? You're telling all your paisans, yo, I know one Jewish guy, George. George Kimmel. It can be a Jewish last name, but no. See? Told you. What I want you guys to do now is, um, sorry. I want you guys to like um one line each pitch me a movie here you go first I'm a 24 you know executive Ravi Nandan or whoever it might be I know some people I know people so anyway um and so I'm you know I'm Ravi I'm at the fucking 824 Studios, you know, you're gonna pitch me a movie.

Hey guys, thanks for coming in. I heard you guys have a really good pitch for me. So go ahead, one line a piece, and what's your name, sir? Jimmy. Hi, Jimmy. From yesterday. You're Jimmy from yesterday, okay good. And what's your name, sir?

Stefan. Stefan, oh, Stefan. You know, who's the, let me, what's your relationship? Like when did you guys start writing together? Film school. What school of film schools did you guys go to? LA Film School. Film School.

Film School? What'd you say, sir? LA Film School. LA Film School, great. UCLA. UCLA Film School. 2007. Yeah, great.

So what's the movie about? All right, man. You go start it off. There's this apartment in Koreatown. Yeah. There's two apartments above each other. Go ahead. And you? There's a love story between a man and his cat. Okay. But the cat is a figment of his imagination imagine imagine oh I see and but so I'm a man and a cat live in one room or apartment one studio apartment

yeah but what's that what is it the other what is the other apartment have go ahead yeah exactly you yeah I gotta finish yeah man and his weirdo cat. What is the race of the man by the way? Korean. And an old black woman with an imaginary figment dog. And she sells papayas. Papayas. Papayas is like the key of the movie.

But he's alerted to papayas. So every time he comes down he's like... Oh of the movie. But he's allergic to papaya, so every time it comes down, he's like... Oh, he brushes it. Okay, interesting. Go ahead. And the movie title is? No, wait, let's, I'd like to hear the story, please.

Okay, what were you saying? What are we saying? What are you? He pushed the black man, pushed the papaya out. The black man pushed the papaya away. But then the Korean man, name. Oh, it's a man, both men. Both men? Yeah men? Yeah, and I thought it was a woman though. You said why do you assume? Because you said it. Yeah, you said say woman

In the recording yes in the recording. Yeah, so where are we? Yeah, Korea town Angeles, Los Angeles. Okay, so go ahead. What so now let me see What happens and what's the movie about? It's just a man trying to overcome his fear of papayas. Right. But the papaya actually represents love. The lady. Yeah, and what are the cats? What are the cats having to do with it? The cat is like the key. Both of them have autism, right? The key. The cats, there's two cats. No, both of them. Who? Humans. What are their names? The Kring Man, the main character is named Jing Young.

Jing Young. Jing Young. And what was the other one? The black man? The black woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. Yeah.

Stacey. Stacey. Yes. So Jing Young and Stacey. Jing Young and Stacey. Yeah, Jing Young is the one with the cat. They match in every character. It's a real cat. At the beginning it's a real cat, at the end you find out boom it was never there. Oh it's

like a M. Night Shyamalan twist. M. Night directed by M. Night. Oh you have it. M. Night. M. Night. Might. He might. He might. Oh so he's not attached to it. We've been talking to him. You know. Okay. Whispering Oh, so what's the climax of the movie? The cat overcomes. He overcomes what? The fear of eating papaya. I thought the man had the fear of it. But the cat represents the man.

Oh, because the man's a figment of his imagination. They become the animals that they represent through their autism brain oh they have autism I already said that oh I'm sorry you think normal people will just go around imaginary Garfield no they have to have some weirdo shit yeah and then the movie at the end yeah end credits, Samuel L. Jackson comes out from Glass. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. We're so fragile, dude. So it ties in, so basically the black woman and the Asian man are actually super villains.

Yes, and Stacey, the black woman is related to the character of Samuel L. Jackson from Glass. Oh, they are. That's why she lives on the first floor, because you think he could roll up to the second floor? I don't think so. Wow. Can I just say something? You're pitching a movie to me, and your attitude is a little aggressive.

It's a bit much. You want it or not? It's a little much. It's a lot, man. It's a lot, dude. So listen, you want it or not? Yeah, we pass