TigerBelly - Sam Morril & Most Asians are Hard Working

Episode Date: July 10, 2024

Sam Morril makes his 3rd appearance and Rick Glassman tags along. We chat Superman tragedies, hollow bones, Rick Flair drunk, strawberry mango, post cum world, and fully loaded tour. Go to www.zocdoc....com/belly and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then find and book a top-rated doctor today. www.zocdoc.com/belly  

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Starting point is 00:00:00 This episode is sponsored by ZocDoc. Go to ZocDoc.com slash Belly and download the ZocDoc app for free. Then find and book a top rated doctor today. That's ZocDoc, Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash Belly. ZocDoc dot com slash Belly. I know there's anybody who's walking past me for a second. So Riggle just do it with Sam? Look, look, look at the new dog, Rick's new dog. Can you say hi to Alvin?
Starting point is 00:00:51 What's up, Sam? Hi, Sam, how are you? It's either like your sidekick or the Sam Show. Well, yeah, so there's two versions of this. My instinct is I'm supposed to leave. I don't want to crash this thing. So I'm definitely not gonna. I asked Sam already.
Starting point is 00:01:03 I'm fine with it. But yeah, I'm definitely, I definitely, I think this will be good training for me too, that this is like to crash this thing. So I'm definitely not. I asked Sam already. I'm fine with it. But yeah, I'm definitely, I definitely, I think this will be good training for me too. That this is like your guys' thing. Oh God, already. Okay, already, already. I want you to go home now. I can go home.
Starting point is 00:01:16 No, but here's the thing. Let's try it. If it gets too much, and you take the shine off of Sam, I'm gonna keep it. That will be his fault, not mine, but I agree. It wouldn't be his fault. Is this drugs? Yes. No, it's not drugs. It's just, it. That would be his fault, not mine, but I agree. It wouldn't be his fault. Is this drugs? Yes. No, it's not drugs.
Starting point is 00:01:26 It's just. No, it's not drugs? No, it's not drugs. It's not drugs. Is it just gummies? Yeah. Yeah, from Hawaii. This is your show.
Starting point is 00:01:33 It's Hawaiian gummies, yeah, please. We also have Japanese fudge. But it won't be a whole fuck me up or anything. No, I'm sober. Also, this is some really good fudge and some matcha almonds if you'd like. Matcha almonds? You gotta try it.
Starting point is 00:01:44 She just went to Japan and she's all bragging. That's so good. You look good, Rick. He looks okay. I couldn't do it. I wanted to but now I can't. Do what? It'll be fun.
Starting point is 00:01:54 I can't because I have Dax Shepard on Bad Friends and I can't change that. I forgot about that. I got an extra ticket for a VIP Disneyland trip. We'll talk about it later. We'll talk about it later. We'll talk about it later. Oh, that's right, Wednesday. What's the face, Rick?
Starting point is 00:02:11 It was good. Whose dog is that? It's mine. My new dog, I just got him. When? Later, later. Sam, tell us about the special. All right, let's just, don't even say anything.
Starting point is 00:02:23 All right, mom's the word. So let's get, how about some warmup, like acting warmups. Gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. How about we all start with one piece of chocolate? Hey, stretch. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
Starting point is 00:02:38 Red leather, yellow leather, red leather, yellow leather. You know what that does? Red leather, yellow leather. What does that do? Yeah, it ups the value of an old sports car. That's true, that is true. Not near him please. These are fucked.
Starting point is 00:02:51 That is true. But actors do that when you get tongue tied in a scene, you go red leather, yellow leather, red leather, and it ties up your, you know what I mean? It unties your tongue. Unties, it doesn't tie up. Wow, that is so good. Okay, anyway.
Starting point is 00:03:03 Thank you. I'm saying Bobby's idea. What is this, Halloween? What is all these candies? Yeah, yeah. You know, I'm tired of the complaining. Already, already. We give you treats, we give you Heavy Metal Magazine, we give you the Japanese chocolates, and this and that,
Starting point is 00:03:15 and then it's like, why this, why that? And it doesn't sound grateful. There's not gratitude in this building. And it really makes me so upset. You know, let's start out red leather, red leather, really makes me so upset. Let's start out, Red Leather, Red Leather, welcome to the podcast. My name is Bobby Lee. I'm your host.
Starting point is 00:03:28 This is episode 401? 300 and? 400 something. So something, right? We've been at it, we've been doing it. We rarely do have repeat guests. I can count on two hands where they repeat. Yeah, that's the only way you can count on two hands where they repeat. You know, and Sam is. Yeah, that's the only way you can count, two hands.
Starting point is 00:03:47 You know, when you come back, you come back with a different attitude, both of you. Because it's like, it's snarky, you know what I mean? It's elitism, and I don't like it. Did you pick up your Ritalin? I did. I just took it. It takes a second to kick in. Wait, we'll start. No, no, we're starting now. I just took it. It takes a second to kick in. Wait.
Starting point is 00:04:05 No, no, we're starting now. We're starting now. So welcome to the podcast, episode whatever, whatever. My name is your host. We have Kali in the room. My name is your host. My name is your host. And like I said, it hasn't kicked in yet.
Starting point is 00:04:19 How much Ritalin? Bobby, you gotta laugh at something new. Enjoy it. Wow. Wow. Wow. That was a dig, I don't write enough? What? Is that what that dig was, I don't write enough jokes?
Starting point is 00:04:30 I don't know, you've said that to me once. Okay. Yeah, I need new jokes. Okay. How about, we're doing Fully Loaded this weekend, how about you do a new joke every show? How many people are in the audience? A lot, that's why it's a good training ground for you.
Starting point is 00:04:44 You'll do new jokes in front of 10,000 people. I'll do jokes that are not my last special. At least I'll do half of that, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Wow. Yeah. And you have no fear? I'm very scared, yeah. Yeah, but you, but you like the adrenaline of doing it. I'm not a risk taker in that way. How many things have you eaten off the floor? Good question. Oh, that's a very good question. Today, one fry at heavy handed but I picked it up right away. How many seconds? Probably 14 to 15 seconds. What were you doing from fall to deciding to pick it up? Should I pick it up? Reaching?
Starting point is 00:05:14 Yeah yeah yeah yeah should I should I not? What are you so scared of? People are still gonna think you're funny. What do you mean? You mean on stage? Yeah if you miss a joke no one's gonna care. You can laugh it off. This is what I need. You know, Sam, it's so funny. You paint your nails now? One of them, two of them. Wait, stop looking at my fingers.
Starting point is 00:05:33 What are you, like a 20 year old sex symbol? What is it? I do, dude. All right. Anyway, do you manicure? No, I bite my nails. You do? Have you ever had a manicure?
Starting point is 00:05:44 No. You'd love it. Really? Oh my God, it's my nails. You do? Have you ever had a manicure? No. You'd love it. Really? Oh my God, it's the best. They really do a good job. They clean them, they shape them. And I think that you're missing out on that. Do manicures?
Starting point is 00:05:55 You got your foot too? Sometimes. I don't get my cuticles done, I'm sorry. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, we've got a beautiful guest here. The fudge! We have a really good guest here.
Starting point is 00:06:10 We have, you know, honestly, dude, Sam, and I don't know if I've said this before, but, and I'm going to say this again, if I've never said it, you've heard it here first, or several times. I honestly think that you're one of the nicest guys I've ever met in company.
Starting point is 00:06:29 Really? Because when, I don't know if I remember, but when I was in The Cellar one time, I was kind of by myself, I didn't know where to go, what to do, was it you and Rachel, or? Yeah, I remember that. Right, right, remember that? She's a great person.
Starting point is 00:06:40 And you were being so kind to me, and going, you know what I mean, let's be friends, and whatever you need, and it was very well., you know what I mean, let's be friends and whatever you need. And it was very well. The second you left, I was like, this fucking pussy gets manicures. No, I remember that, dude. You son of a bitch.
Starting point is 00:06:55 Yeah. Yeah, you were low. I sensed it. I was low, dude. I sensed it. And I also like, I'm always grateful when I'm in another city and the comics of the clubs are friendly, you know, mm-hmm
Starting point is 00:07:07 Exactly. Am I friendly? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Here's another thing you did for me. What's this? Don't be fucking your I don't know what he's like He's a Vulcan Look at those eyes, right? It's all logic bro. Look at this. What's it? What are they? What are their slogans? Live long and subscribe Very good, it's fudgy finger So you're very vulcanist right now, but yes, I well here's another thing you did You talked about the Comedy Store and you know I mean and that like how do we you know?
Starting point is 00:07:41 How do we get in there right we had this had this conversation about how at The Cellar, when me and Andrew just hit, once we land at JFK, The Cellar's calling us going, when do you guys want to go up? It's so welcoming. And they give us all the spots. And the Comedy Store wasn't like that. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:08:02 It was almost as if like, we would have a lineup in the main room, no offense offense to any comic no offense to any comic. That's a regular at the LA Comedy Store But you know the the lineup is okay, right? They need some new regulars Yeah, and um you wouldn't have any better about this and have merch that suggests that you're still upset I have some not pass to the Comedy Store more sure Sure. And one time, the man was packed, there was pretty good comics on it, but no draws. Shane Gillis and I were in the hallway and Shane looks at me and goes,
Starting point is 00:08:33 can I go up? I go, no. You know what I mean? I mean, it's insane. He's allowed to host SNL, but he can't do a fucking thing. That's what I'm saying. It was like, no. So you were the person that drove me to call Peter He's allowed to host SNL, but he can't do a fucking spot. That's what I'm saying. It was like, no.
Starting point is 00:08:45 So you were the person that drove me to call Peter and Emily to go, we gotta figure this out because you can't have Sam, Norman, you know what I mean? I still don't think I've gone up there. You can now. Really? I didn't tell you that? No.
Starting point is 00:09:02 Yeah. You only tell me stuff on podcasts. So I'm gonna tell you now. Tell me. Yeah, yeah, so. Bobby's the nicest on camera. He's very nice Did you not go up to bat for Rick because okay? I'm a show edit it up go go go no no yeah what I'm saying is he though I'm no Much yeah much. Yeah, so what I'm saying is no if you ever did talk about me at the company So I would thank you very much. Yeah, you can keep it in
Starting point is 00:09:23 So what I'm saying is that you ever did talk about me at the company's where I would thank you very much Yeah, you can keep it in Anyways about Sam Sam welcome Sam roll around of a book Sam also um yeah, you could call Emily Before you come in town. They'll give you spots. I always call it before I come You do really call her now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Bobby. I I'm gonna call her next time in no. He's making a sex joke, Bobby. I'm going to call her next time I'm in town. I didn't have a chance. That was a sex joke. I misread that.
Starting point is 00:09:50 No. I just play on words. I'm not good at it. I didn't lock in. Bobby's not good with words. So anyway, Sam, are you looking forward to doing Fully Loaded with me? I'm pumped. I saw your name in there and I was fucking...
Starting point is 00:10:01 I can't believe you didn't look at the lineup. You were asking me, like, are we doing it together? You've got to look at the lineup. No, I me like, are we doing it together? You gotta look at the lineup. No, I'll tell you why, because there's two groups. Yeah. And I then, at that point, I didn't know what the fuck was going on. I didn't know who's in what group.
Starting point is 00:10:14 No, I saw your name and I was very happy. Well, I'm happy that when you told me that we were doing it together, because I assumed I wasn't gonna know anybody. I feel there's a lot of pressure on me to drink this weekend because a lot of you guys are sober and I know Burt is gonna look at me to pick up some of the slack.
Starting point is 00:10:29 Yeah, yeah, yeah. And last time I saw Burt, I blacked out and puked for like 12 hours. You know what, baby, I'll take care of you. All right, you'll hold my hair back? I'll hold your hair back and also I'll just, I'll take care of you, I'll caress you and stuff and protect you from the fans and stuff.
Starting point is 00:10:42 I did Burt's Something's Burning show with Ric Flair, the wrestler. Oh yeah. And we got so fucking drunk, and on an empty stomach, I just kept drinking. I think Flair, we were so wasted, Flair cut us both promos for like, you know, he was like, Burt's like, give me a promo for my tour,
Starting point is 00:10:58 and I was like, can you do a promo for my special? Flair was like, woo, he's just doing his promo. He's just going nuts, he's like, this Rolex, drive it, or you know, whatever he's saying, I don't know what he says. He's like, I've kissed all the girls, he's 80, he's still fucking going. And Flair, I was black, and it's going great
Starting point is 00:11:16 until Burt goes like, at one point we're all fucked up, and Burt's like, do you have any regrets? I'm like, did you just ask a professional wrestler if he has any regrets? Yes, he's got regrets. Yeah He's fucked 47,000 women and he's kissed all of them It was pretty good it was good and uh and yeah, then it turned into like, you know, it got sad for a while But it was you know, I remember't remember, we got fucking, we got wrecked.
Starting point is 00:11:46 Wow, terrible. And did you... And he's gonna be looking at me, because I saw sodas on it, soda doesn't drink anymore. He doesn't, who else is on it? I don't remember, I remember you, soda, I forgot all of it. Oh, Big Jay. Big Jay, he might drink.
Starting point is 00:11:58 He's gonna drink, Big Jay Orchard. Not a healthy person. So it's not a full... Not a lot of health nuts with chain wallets. Do you think that he, do you think that you're on? Dude get out Go ahead So it's a fully loaded the because it's there the term is to get really like I would think it's a play on getting drunk
Starting point is 00:12:22 If it's bird. Oh, here we go. This is the lineup that not for us. That's the lineup for the whole thing though. Not for oh it is yeah Oh, so yeah, that's what I'm saying. I was confused about that. I'm like who's on what? No, that's us Because is Whitney Cummings on there. Yes. Yes. Okay. Yeah, then that's the yeah, you're right Cuz I know that I'm not doing anything with Whitney you guys have beef. No, I love her. I was excited I'll do it. You know what you said it. Yeah. It would be like saying oh I will never eat peanuts you don't like them? No. My opening joke for my new special was about Whitney and I had to cut it for my special my opening joke was about I text Whitney congrats on the baby and she sent me back a picture of her breastfeeding
Starting point is 00:13:01 and I wrote oh okay and she wrote sorry if that's like the female equivalent of a dick pic and I was like I think it'd be way worse I send you a picture of a baby suck in my penis The joke and Amazon was like yeah, we'd like if you didn't open with that Oh, right, right cuz it might fuck up the algorithm like I I was like, all right, I'll move it and then I just and was like I'm keeping the joke I'm just gonna move it and I took the joke out you took it out. I'll take it for the next hour. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm very Jokes you have to save for podcast. I saved it for this. Yeah, when is the thank you?
Starting point is 00:13:32 When is that special come out? It's July 9th Amazon Prime Holy shit, man Why is that unbelievable? Did you do a special? I think that don't you think that's unbelievable? I'm happy, yeah. I mean, what's not unbelievable about it? And July is also, that's like when the big blockbusters come out. You know, that's like, the best stuff comes out in July.
Starting point is 00:13:54 What's the one with Will Smith, Independence Day? No, Bad Boys. Bad Boys. Yeah, but Independence Day came out in the summer. Yeah, in like 94. What the fuck, Rick? Jesus Christ. You are so much nicer on mine. Yeah. No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I like 94. What the fuck, Rick? Jesus Christ. You were so much nicer on mine.
Starting point is 00:14:05 Yeah! No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I was just, uh... Is that your point? I'm saying, you're, you're, what you're saying is... I thought he was trolling me when he said you were... No, he's saying that's so great and I'm like, yeah, it's awesome and also it's a summer release, which I think is cool. I don't troll. You don't troll?
Starting point is 00:14:18 No, yeah. There's like a special out every day. It's not special. There's like 400 specials a year. I've never done one So to me it's special Yeah but you're like an outlier, you gotta fucking do a special I'm gonna do one now I bet you're gonna get big money for it too
Starting point is 00:14:34 I don't know but I have a company that it's happening I can't make an announcement, I'm gonna do it What company? I'm not gonna tell you Okay but you people out? Cause I don't know How much is this gorilla way? Oh Wow, is that good or no, I couldn't believe you pronounce it properly with You know good. That was good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think you should do it. I am gonna do one I've said let's move on. That's why it's special. I bet they're paying you the big books, too
Starting point is 00:14:58 I don't know. Yeah, yeah, it'll be good. What would you guess they're paying him? Okay, can I say this? I don't I'm not doing a special because of the money. Of course not. When people say that I'll tell you, well that place is, I don't care. I just want to do one because I'm tired of people saying, you do stand up? Yeah, you're... Really? Yeah, all the time. It's like, you do it?
Starting point is 00:15:17 Well, I didn't come to your show because I didn't think you did stand up. I go, I kill. Yeah. I don't? I don't kill? You do. kill yeah no I don't I don't kill you know Sam put out a special on YouTube in 2020 that changes fucking trajectory dude and look at him now theaters I know theaters I go through theaters as well he's doing no speed I'm glad you're putting one out cuz you know I bless you you're the one of the ones that were
Starting point is 00:15:39 like pushing me to do it yeah you were it were. It must be hard, you know, because I, why do I think that? Go ahead, go ahead, go ahead. No, most Asians are hard working and you never put out a special before, it's crazy. That was like, that was a joke I don't think you were gonna say. Oh, really? Yeah, because usually, you know what I mean,
Starting point is 00:15:58 you don't do stuff like that. But that was very good. That's the kind of joke that you could say it again 30 minutes later. That's very good. That's the kind of joke that you could say it again 30 minutes later. That's another one. La la la la la la la la la. ZocDoc is free. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search
Starting point is 00:16:20 and compare highly rated in-network doctors near you and instantly book appointments with them online. We did that for my dermatology. For everything. I had liver spots in my face, we went to Zoc Doc, we got a good dermatologist, we don't have to plug him right now. But, and it was-
Starting point is 00:16:35 Or the mole behind your neck. And the mole behind my neck, it could have been cancerous. That Ethan Klein told you to remove. Ethan Klein, yeah. Ethan Klein is a gigantic human mole. He's not gigantic anymore. Anyway, once you find the doc you want, you can book them immediately, no more waiting
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Starting point is 00:17:09 any condition you're searching for. In Bobby's case, it was a giant mole, it was a little bit of itchy foot. No, no. Little bit of bubble guts. Bubble guts. But we found a doctor for every single one of his ailments. Yeah, and the typical way time to see a doctor booked
Starting point is 00:17:23 on ZocDoc is between 24 to 72 hours. That's it. You can even score same-day appointments. Go ahead. Go to ZocDoc.com slash Belly and download the ZocDoc app for free then find and book a top rated doctor today. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash Belly, ZocDoc.com slash Belly. That's another one. Very good Asian ever. You should see our episode. Very good.
Starting point is 00:17:50 Hey, keep that dog over there. That's three. That's three. Three of them. Bobby sucks. That's good. Four, four, four, four, four, four, four. We good now?
Starting point is 00:17:58 I want to get the Asian slams out of the way. I think we're good. We're good. For a while. Very very very good. So it's unlikely to do that, but yes thank you for that Joe. No I'm proud of you for real.
Starting point is 00:18:12 I'm really, don't you think it's awesome that he's doing this? Yeah. Yeah. It is, that's what I'm saying. I guess you're right. When I said congratulations on yours. It feels weird.
Starting point is 00:18:22 It feels weird now. But that was sincere. Yeah yeah yeah. That was sincere. Yeah it's sincere on my part as well on yours. It feels weird. It feels weird now. But that one feels sincere. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was sincere. Yeah, it's sincere on my part as well, but now it became weird. So you're doing a special, that's great, pretty good. It comes out when?
Starting point is 00:18:32 Wait, when from great to pretty good. Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm saying. I don't wanna make a big deal of it. July 9th on Amazon Prime. Very good. And apparently it's great to come out in the summer because of Independence Day. Independence Day is coming out too in conjunction,
Starting point is 00:18:44 you know what I mean, with it, yeah. Okay, fine. The new DC relaunched Superman, July 2025. July 2024, Sam Uriel. Two Jewish stars. Wait, wait, who's the new Superman? I don't know his name, but we share a trainer and he's Jewish.
Starting point is 00:19:01 Is it, so Henry Caval's, what's his name? He's out. Henry Caval is no longer Superman. Why? Let's rank the Supermans. I don't even know, I mean. Name me all, don't interject. It's gotta be.
Starting point is 00:19:13 Sam, name me all the Supermans. Reeve has gotta be one, right? Well, let's just list them all. We got Reeve, who else have we got? Brandon. Brandon Routh, that guy was pretty rough, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You like him?
Starting point is 00:19:24 I thought he was handsome. Would you? Fuck him? Yeah. So one time, who's that redheaded casting director that she's the best, Molly, anyway. She had a movie she was casting. She didn't know which way to go,
Starting point is 00:19:38 so they brought me and Brandon in, Ruth, for the part, and him and I were sitting in the lobby, and I looked over at his sides, and I go, oh my God, this guy has the same part, he's working for the same part. And when I asked- You were this close to being Superman? No, it wasn't for Superman, it was-
Starting point is 00:19:54 What the hell? You going Brandon or Aiden? This is years later. Yeah, yeah, I mean, he got bad TV instead. Great show, it was a great show. Yeah Yeah I'm just saying it's different than Superman. I wasn't insulting you. Eight years of a great show. How do you think your life would have changed if you were Superman that year though? I think it would have backfired. Do you think they would have been right? Well I think the movie would have been good. No what I'm saying is that I think that
Starting point is 00:20:24 because even with Borderlands, for instance, I'm in that movie, the whole stink of it is like, Kevin Hart's character is supposed to be six foot three, you know what I mean, and this, right, so we're not gonna watch it, you know what I mean? It's just like, you know, when they're fans of IP, you know what I mean, they're not gonna, it's unfair, okay? So I think fans of Superman would be like,
Starting point is 00:20:44 wait, a fat Korean guy's gonna play Superman? I think it'd be crazy. You're just mad. Why are they okay with Marvelous Miss Maisel not really being Jewish, but Kevin Hart can't be 6'3"? Chew on that, America. God, man, are you on your medication today? Yeah, anyway, I don't know why, oh, so me and Brandon Ruth was read for the same part
Starting point is 00:21:07 I thought you thought with my face and and who and Yeah, okay, so we got It's Chris. I'm not a big Superman guy, so I don't even really know but you know he was created by two Jews in Cleveland Really yeah Her superhero is written during the depression to help people feel like not as depressed and there's a couple of Jews in Cleveland It was so is Superman Jewish Superman is Jewish like Santa Claus is Christian. It's nobody knows but yes I see I see and he does too when he takes off his glasses. Yeah, and that's why
Starting point is 00:21:38 That's kind of like he has to he has to be so nerdy and stuff Who's this one actually think he was a great one Tom Welling is all girl. Oh, yeah Yeah, it was a good show with um with Michael Rosenbaum is like yeah yeah I know Rosie Rosie and then this one that's Brandon Ruth right yeah your competition and then the next one was corners worth or whatever Cavill right yeah yeah and then who's the next one it's a TV shots out oh yeah yeah he's too perfect this guy right here yeah you know just all the Superman's he's got too many powers
Starting point is 00:22:05 I think I like like a spider-man where he's got like problems and shit. He can't make rent and his fucking aunt I don't I don't like you know do we're on the same page the same way about Batman being an epo baby then No, cuz he's so dark like his like he did watch his parents get murdered. You're like alright. I'll give him a but yeah I'm not the Batman movies are great. He's so did Superman Superman his parents get murdered. So you're like, all right, I'll give him a, but yeah, I'm not, the Batman movies are great. But in serious. Superman, Superman, his parents got blown up and like, his whole planet. Yeah, but he was a baby. He had no relationship with them.
Starting point is 00:22:35 Stop, stop, all right? Batman was in his like, eight or nine, 10 years old, and he witnessed his parents being slaughtered. Check this out. So what I'm saying is that you're wrong once again, and you shut the fuck up. I have something here. I have a point here.
Starting point is 00:22:52 Okay, go. Everywhere Rick Lassen, by the way, he's here. We've been, yeah, yeah. You ever, women or men, whatever your sexuality is, but have you ever dated a woman whose parents got divorced when they were like 10 or something and the dad left and they didn't see the dad anymore versus when the dad left them when they were born and the different types of trauma that people
Starting point is 00:23:13 have when they never knew their dad, they felt abandoned by them. It's worse the other way around, I believe. It's because it's not just divorce, Rick. It's murder. The Krypton blew up. Clark Kent is not a Jewish name. He's not a Jew, dude. Let me call Jerry Sonson. He has views on Krypton.
Starting point is 00:23:28 No, could you do that? No. Do you have his number? I don't, no. I was just going for a joke. Have you talked to him before? Yeah. You have?
Starting point is 00:23:36 Yeah, briefly. He was nice. Yeah, yeah. I've never met him. Never met him. I have met him. No, I met his wife who called me Billy Lee. And that's different, okay?
Starting point is 00:23:46 Billy Lee. Yeah, I was at an event with Judd Abbott and we were sitting there and his wife came up to me and goes, what's your name? I go, I'm Bobby, and all day long, she would come by the table and go, hi Judd, hi Billy. And Judd kept going, why don't you correct her? I go, I gotta get out of here.
Starting point is 00:23:59 I gotta get the fuck out. Anyway, let's move on. So he's a great comic, the Seinfeld. Yeah, of course. Who was the biggest, I met a celebrity there and I,, let's move on. So he's a great comic, the Seinfeld. Yeah, of course. Who was the biggest, I met a celebrity there tonight. I talked about it earlier. Yeah. Would you be, so I was at the comedy store.
Starting point is 00:24:12 I see Tommy Lee. Yeah. Okay, from Motley Crue. And I know him, so I gave him a side, what's up, you know what I mean? And he was talking to a woman. I look up and it's John Travolta. Oh shit.
Starting point is 00:24:24 Right, and I go. Look who, right and I go look who's talking I love look who's talking with Kirsty Alley, bro And Bruce Willis as the baby. Oh, that's right Now he speaks just as much of that baby. Well in Lucas talking Bruce Willis was going for a joke Oh, this Bruce Willis at least in the second one. He's the voice of oh fuck At least in the second one. He's the voice of the... Oh, fuck, I thought... I thought what he was saying is,
Starting point is 00:24:48 Bruce Libalus as a baby played the baby, and now in my mind I was like, God, he's not that young. I think his first role was he was an extra in the movie The Verdict. He's one of the jurors in the Paul Newman movie. Really? Great fucking movie.
Starting point is 00:25:03 We were talking movies before. Throw the Verdict by Sidney Lum Lamette that's one of the best. Well how old was he then Bruce Willis? I don't know but he had a full head of hair. Wow check this out. Did you know that until until I was oh wow I was almost 18 years old. Luna's acting already. He went method for that shit. He became a juror. Yeah I didn't know Paul Newman was an actor for such a long time. I honestly thought he was the lemonade guy and when I found out he was an actor I'm like the guy has a lemonade is an actor. He has a lemonade? Stop stop stop stop.
Starting point is 00:25:33 Paul Newman is an actor. Stop stop for a second. That'd be great if one of us just blew our heads off. Wait wait wait. I should leave. No no don't leave don't leave. The salad dressing guy has a lemonade? I thought he was the pasta sauce guy. See what they're doing now. You're in a f***ing humor. I don't like it. You guys. It was just a joke. I don't even know what I mean. I really don't know what I mean. But my point is is that very good and we're gonna keep that in. Okay. Let's go back to this. Okay.
Starting point is 00:25:59 Geez. You thought Krypton bombed. That was fucking, that was brutal. Very good. So here's another thing. Did you know that Daniel Day-Lewis was in the movie Gandhi? He played as young street thug. Google that. Oh shit.
Starting point is 00:26:15 And then when you're watching Gandhi now and you see, you already go, oh look at his genius back then. We could tell back then. You see his scene stealer? People say that about me because I was a juror in Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I did a lot of extra work on that show. I also did a lot of extra work in Who Wants to Be a Millionaire and I was in the front row when a black woman won a million dollars. Coincidence? Okay, go
Starting point is 00:26:41 there he is. Wow, good looking guy. Good looking. He's got a great jawline. He's got a great future, that guy. Yeah. He quit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He quit, he's done it. Yeah, he's a cobbler, he's a cobbler.
Starting point is 00:26:53 Anyway, let's go back, let's talk about this now. Let's talk about us, okay? So I met fucking John Travolta. Yeah. And I go, I'm Bobby, and I go, and, and then he didn't say anything, so I go, you're John Travolta. And I was like, why did I do that? You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:27:10 What'd he say? He went, I giggled in an uncomfortable way. Luckily Tommy and Brittany Furloughn already went, said my name, they knew me. So like, he didn't think I was like a fan boy. Plus I was in the parking lot. You're not allowed to sit in the parking lot if you're not.
Starting point is 00:27:25 A comic, so my point being is that, have you been nervous around a celebrity before or no? Only guy I got nervous around was the Knicks point guard, Jalen Brunson. I got a little, I kind of blew it. Wait, what, tell me. Well, I was at a Rangers game with, I was with Liz Furiotti from the Comedy Cellar.
Starting point is 00:27:41 And Jalen Brunson was at the fucking game. He's my favorite player. And it was like, I I never do this but I was like, oh my god Thank you so much for coming to the Knicks. Like, you know, we're so grateful you're here You're one of my favorite players and and he was like, oh cool, man. Thanks. And then I just kept staying I kept going I did I wasn't making sense and Liz ran in and goes He's a comedian with a Netflix special. And then finally he was like, oh cool. Like I needed someone to save me
Starting point is 00:28:08 because I was hanging myself. Okay, so does that help? When somebody identifies like, hey, I'm not just, you know. I don't know, I mean, I think it, oh, there we go, yeah. Oh, you took a photo with him. Yeah, I don't really do that. You don't look nervous.
Starting point is 00:28:23 I was drunk. Oh, you weren't, yeah. Yeah, no, I love him. do that. You don't look nervous. I was drunk. Oh you weren't yeah. Yeah. No, I love him He's you're taller than him. He's like six one. How tall are you like six three? Oh my god He's he's incredible though. Yeah, I'm a big fan. Remember that one time you bought me a damn problem I was I don't talk about it, but anyway Every time he sees I actually sent you a drunk text a few months ago with the middle finger, like I'll bump you again, you motherfucker.
Starting point is 00:28:47 But no, I was a young comic here and I'd been bumped three times. We already talked about it here, I think, already. No, I think it was on my podcast. Oh, okay, okay, okay. But yeah, Bobby was pissed that I was doing a Conan set and I was just trying to get on. And everyone was like, five minutes. Yeah. Leno went on first, I was just trying to get on. No, I was at the, let's, let's.
Starting point is 00:29:05 Yeah. Let's, let's. Leno went on first, right? Like, Leno bumped both of us, then I think Eliza went on and bumped both of us. Right, so I'm about to go up, and the red-headed curly guy, what's his name? Jeff Baldwin.
Starting point is 00:29:15 Yeah, yeah, he comes up to me and goes, this kid's gonna go, I never met you before. I had no idea who you were. Now, in retrospect, I'm like, oh yeah, he is the next kid coming. Oh, thank you. He's on the rise, I didn't know that. I thought the first time he said that, he's so nice on camera,
Starting point is 00:29:29 the next kid's coming, you're a pedo. Yeah, yeah, what I'm saying is that you're on the rise. Yeah. Okay? Yeah. But back then I was like, who's this open mic-er? This fucking guy. He does it, and I remember being so livid. I memorized your face.
Starting point is 00:29:47 Oh, wow. And your name and everything. At what point did you forgive me? Because I know how that shit can stew. I know when people just make a decision you don't like a person. Well, when did I say I forgave you? No, I think this is how slimy I am.
Starting point is 00:30:07 Please don't, because I'm just this is what this is how slimy I am. Yeah, please don't because just being honest, okay I appreciate it Mm-hmm. Why slimy? Oh, yeah, let's get it out then. How am I slimy? You said you were slimy Yeah, and you're agreeing with me. Yeah, okay So, I mean, what is your what why did you why'd you agree with me? Cuz you're slimy. Oh and I'm just here to listen Okay Slimey elements to me. Okay, so we tell how you slimy. Oh, yeah. It's it's when I here's what happens sometimes and
Starting point is 00:30:40 And you have to back me up on this. Okay I think I don't know is everyone in the room should back me up on this. I think everyone in the room should back me up on this because I'm being honest and this is the truth. Am I being too loud for your dog? I don't know, just in case. You don't like fireworks, I'm sure. Tiger belly is explosive. All right.
Starting point is 00:30:58 So until I really took a look at you perform, I went ah, right? you perform, I went ah. Because before, if you don't have a context, because they say there's 4,000 comics in LA alone, in LA County alone. Wow. Okay? And who knows the amount of open micers on top of that? 3,900.
Starting point is 00:31:18 Oh great, thank you. So anyway, are you nice to everybody? Yes. No. So anyway, right, so you know, I mean, are you nice to everybody? Because you, no. I'll tell you why. Slimy. Get to the slime, you're building up the slime. No, no, what I'm saying is, the slime. I'm gonna call you Yuriku Saki because you were covered in ooze.
Starting point is 00:31:40 That's the shit. So what I'm saying is that, once I saw you perform, this is where the slimy element comes in, it's like, okay, you know what I'm saying is is that once I saw you perform. This is this this is where the slimy element comes in It's like okay. You know I mean he's like legitimately funny, and so I shouldn't have been that mad. That's not that slimy I've got slimy well. Thank you so much, but when I said slimy you guys were like oh That's not the reason I didn't know I was bumping I didn't know I was bumping Bobby Lee at the time either by the way you don't know who I was it be honest I knew you were then what I did not and how did you not know that I didn't know you were next I
Starting point is 00:32:09 Didn't I was like I got to get out of here of another spot. That's what I said really totally I'm you know what did you know that's what you uh? No, I'd seen fucking average Asian man TV. Oh, okay. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, I go back, so I'm not that slimy There's some slime there's a lot no. Yeah. Are you slimy? There's some slime. There's some slime. No, you're fucking. Are you slimy in any way? I don't think so. I'm not that slimy, no.
Starting point is 00:32:31 Am I? So do you have, there's no entitlement when it comes to, you know you've had specials. Yeah. You're a legitimate comic now, you're regular at all the clubs, right? Yeah. And you're about to go up, and the guy goes,
Starting point is 00:32:44 hey, this guy named Nathan Alvatraz is gonna go I let people bump me at the cellar constantly if they're running like a late-night set always What if you don't know no you don't related that from information they're doing like the tonight show like no you're not doing the time So they're just gonna do a spot They do it all the time. They do audition so they get my yeah sure wow I don't give a shit You're not slimy. I don't care. I mean it's five minutes who cares I Get a note right you're right. You're right. This. I don't care. I mean, it's five minutes. Who cares? I get annoyed. You're right.
Starting point is 00:33:06 You're right. You're right. This is where I get annoyed. I get annoyed when it's like I give someone a guest set on a show and they just run the light like crazy. Like if I give someone like, if I'm like, oh yeah, I do seven and they do like 20, I'm like, dude, what the fuck? What if you say do seven and they do 10?
Starting point is 00:33:21 It bothers me a little. It's a principle. It's more like, you know, like, I'm giving you a spot, I get a little annoyed. What if you say 12 and they do 15? I think that I can go, okay, he's finishing up a bit. So to me, 12 means 15. Okay, that's fine.
Starting point is 00:33:36 Okay, how about this though? One time I was in Texas and this guy, he walks up, his opening line, he's the MC, he walks up to me and he goes, yo dude, I just wanna let you know, I'm usually a headliner, I don't know why I'm hosting this bitch. I remember that. You remember that?
Starting point is 00:33:53 Yeah. So I go, okay, well welcome, right? And usually I bring a lot of female comics on the road. Yeah, I've heard. bring a lot of female comics on the road. I just like. Yeah, I've heard. No, I just. Let me guess, the hotel only had one room available?
Starting point is 00:34:10 We've heard Bobby. Anyway, so he walks up going, my grandmother's pussy was his opening bed, or whatever, right? You know what I mean? It's good stuff. What's the joke? I don't remember, but it was so dirty,
Starting point is 00:34:26 I could see the audience kind of lean back and go whoa, right? And he was like kind of like yo, yo, feel it, fuck pussy, you know what I mean, all that stuff. And then my feature was like, my feature was like, it's a little dirty. I agree. So after the show, I walked up to him,
Starting point is 00:34:41 I go hey dude, you're dynamic. That's good, right? She's like yeah, man, yeah, I'm a headline. You know, I go, hey. I'm what? He's I'm a headline, I walked up to him, I go, hey dude, you're dynamic. That's good, right? She's like, yeah man, yeah, I'm a headline. You know, I go, fine. I'm what? He's, I'm a headline. I go, fine. But I go, is there any way you could clean up,
Starting point is 00:34:51 because you're the MC. Yeah. I mean, is that my right as a headliner or no? I think so, it's your show. Yeah, I think it's your show. Yeah, I've had that happen with people before. But he doubles down, the second show, what goes even dirtier, because you know that rebellious thing
Starting point is 00:35:05 when people tell you not to do and you do it anyway? I've done that before. Yeah, he did two grandmother pussy. He went back to bed. I'm full side of the family. I'm doing all the tags tonight too. Yeah, yeah. And afterwards I walked up and I go,
Starting point is 00:35:16 hey dude, you're fired. Wow. Wow. And he goes, you can't do that, I just did. You were supposed to be with you for the whole weekend? Yeah, and he left. Did you notify the club first or did you just say goodbye? No, I walked did. You were supposed to be with you for the whole weekend? Yeah, and he left. Did you notify the club first or did you just? No, I walked up to the manager, I go,
Starting point is 00:35:29 I told this guy, he goes, I know, and I go, I just can't have him on. And she goes, I agree, and she fired him. Wow. Yeah. You're allowed to do that. Yeah. You'd never have done that. No, it'd be great if that comic became like a megastar. That comic ended up being Steve Jobs.
Starting point is 00:35:45 Ramos Pussy. Yeah, that's funny. Yeah. Although I could tell based on your racist accent he was a black comic. Actually, he wasn't. Yes, he was. No, he wasn't.
Starting point is 00:36:00 He was like a Gary Owens. Oh, shit. Pull up Gary Owens, black face. He was a white guy trying to be black. He was like one of those guys. Ooh. That's why I did the impression that way. So you were wrong on that.
Starting point is 00:36:14 You tried to make me a racist. That's nine times. You tried to make me a racist and it backfired on you. That was racist, dude. Okay, don't ever do that again. I love you so much, good to see you. Dude, is the guy successful now though? No, never successful, I'm good.
Starting point is 00:36:28 Yeah, what? Don't edit that out. I'm just joking, it's fine. No, my point though being is, is that you don't think that you have that right? Yeah, I had a guy once, I didn't handle as well as you did. I just resented the guy more and more over the weekend.
Starting point is 00:36:39 I was doing a New Year's at a show in Indiana, and the guy was, his act wasn't strong but his closer buried me every night. It killed, I'd never seen a bit hit so hard and the closer was, the closer was, I went to a Backstreet Boys concert recently and I thought, you know, I saw them serenade a woman on stage and give her a rose and do a dance and I thought what if I did that to a guy and he would bring a guy on stage and do a sound cue and do a dance. I thought, what if I did that to a guy? And he would bring a guy on stage and do a sound cue and start like humping the guy.
Starting point is 00:37:09 And it was like a standing O. I remember calling a friend and putting it on speaker and being like, listen to what I have to follow. It was like standing ovation level murder. And the joke is basically like in Indiana, how funny is it to be gay? Yeah. That's the joke.
Starting point is 00:37:25 Yeah, yeah, yeah. And dude, it would be like 10 minutes of me having to dig out of this hole, because my material just wasn't working after something like that. And each first night I was like, yeah, yeah, one more time for that guy. And then the next night I'm like,
Starting point is 00:37:38 yeah, yeah, he's doing really well. And then by like the last night I was like, fuck him. Yeah, yeah, fuck that. I was like, fuck that shit, that's not comedy comedy and it turned like slowly me unraveling yeah yeah but I didn't handle it like you have to do because at the end of the day it's your show I'm sorry you're not I'm sorry why you'll disagree no Alex you disagree with me you don agree with you, fully. You don't have to, dude. I don't need yes men in my life. If you disagree, just disagree, okay?
Starting point is 00:38:06 But I just want to say something, all right, man? Am I being too crazy? No, I like it. You look at me like I'm going crazy. I'm looking at you that way? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that's just my face. Yeah, don't do this with your face, okay?
Starting point is 00:38:14 That's what I like. Did you guys get back together? No, we haven't, no. Oh, well then why are you thicker? You're right, my bad. Okay? God, I regret you coming. Honestly, I'm going to go.
Starting point is 00:38:22 I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I back together? No, we haven't, no. Oh, well then why are you? You're right, my bad. Okay, God, I regret you coming. I can't, honestly, I'm gonna go. No, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go. Okay, I'm staying right here.
Starting point is 00:38:30 July 9th. You have to stay, you have to stay. I'm gonna go. You have to stay, you have to stay. So here's, I don't even know, oh yeah, I know what I'm gonna say, okay. But it's not like you're, there are road comics that don't have a,
Starting point is 00:38:42 no, stay. Yeah, do that. Yeah, do that I do that Road comics who do what so there you know some there are some D rooms Yeah, right they just you know how you have you ever been to a comedy club where you look at the headshots and go Who the fuck are these people you've never heard of them before yeah, they're great They're working comics and my hats go off to them. It's a brutal business.
Starting point is 00:39:06 And I love those headshots, because we know so many of them, and I'm like, oh shit, you're an OG, you've been doing this forever, I love that. Yeah, I love that too. But you're not one of those comics now. You're one of those comics that actually, like probably 95 or 100% of the audience
Starting point is 00:39:20 is there to see specifically you, right? I think usually, yeah. That's right, right? Yeah. Some comics, people go, hey honey, what do you wanna do tonight? Well, let's just see a little comedy. And they don't know who's on the lineup, they go,
Starting point is 00:39:33 there are comics for that. Yeah. But for us, we're a specific thing where it's like, no, they all are there to see me. Yeah. Is that bad to say? But that's true. So my point is that if you're the star, right?
Starting point is 00:39:47 Like imagine Adele. You know what I mean? Some guy opens and he's doing death metal. Koyakat, koyakat, koyakat, you know what I mean? He goes up to Adele, I'm doing my grandma's pussy. I'm sorry, you got a problem with it? If you're a real musician, you should be able to follow it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:02 And she would go, you're out, right? If it's ruining. Sure. No,'s got to be a good fit. I like the rich comic. So now let's practice. I'm the comic. Sure. Alright so I'm getting off stage. Yeah you know what I mean? You know what I mean? Oh man so do you have any other bits that don't dumb down the room? No that's my clothes or do you? Yeah so yeah. Yeah it's just kind of hard for me to follow that because it's not comedy. It's like a lot of music and stuff. I love music, it's not comedy. I love it.
Starting point is 00:40:30 I wish I said that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he goes, oh yeah, but can I still do it because I don't have much. Well, if you don't have much, you probably shouldn't be featuring, you know? You gotta have at least like 30, 35 minutes, right? Why don't you do that?
Starting point is 00:40:42 Because I was young. I was young. And also I think some of those guys are looking for a shortcut and they're not looking to really Bill. Because I remember I had another guy do this once and it was another like sound cue bit that didn't make sense. It was like I had to follow this guy and he was fucking
Starting point is 00:41:00 and the bit was like just acting out how high he would get to the song In the Air tonight by Phil Collins Yeah, so he would just be like high going through a grocery store to that song and it would be murdering and then and then he would Made no sense. He would always just like when the drum solo hit he would just go like boom boom boom boom and it would explode and I'm like, I don't even understand why this is funny Yeah, but it was murdering and and I afterwards I was like, hey man why this is funny. But it was murdering.
Starting point is 00:41:22 And afterwards I was like, hey man, is there any other thing you could do? You know, it's just like really not, it sets a weird tone for the show. And he was like, no, I was like, well you know, if you do stuff like this, you're never gonna get on TV, you're just gonna be doing cruise ships.
Starting point is 00:41:35 He's like, well that's my dream, to be a cruise ship comic. And I was like, I guess that's all I can say. I don't have to. I have a question about that Phil Collins song. Is that like, what is that song about? a question about that Phil Collins song. Yeah. Is that like, what is that song about? Is it about sexual assault or some type of rape or something?
Starting point is 00:41:50 No, I think it's about a guy. Is that true that it's about the guy drowning? Cause that's an urban myth. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Hold on, I'm gonna get. What are you doing? What's going on? I'm gonna get the lyrics on my phone. Here, Gilbert can pull it out.
Starting point is 00:42:04 Yeah, I can't read it, that's always on my, what's the song called? In the Air Tonight. In the Air Tonight. Okay, read it out, Bobby. Hold on, Air Tonight, I can't read that because of my eyes. So tonight, In the Air Tonight, lyrics.
Starting point is 00:42:18 Let me just do it, all right? Stop doing whatever you're doing, okay? All right, here we go. Let's just go by line by line, okay? Okay, yeah. Okay, I can feel it coming in the air tonight, that oh Lord, so that could be a spirit, you know what I mean, or like a Harry Potter,
Starting point is 00:42:31 and what are those like wraiths in the Harry Potter? The mentors? The mentors, right? That could be anything. I've been waiting for this moment for all my life, so a mentor, okay? Can you feel it coming through the air tonight? Oh, now it's getting weird.
Starting point is 00:42:46 He keeps repeating it. Oh, Lord, oh, Lord. Yeah, yeah, and he goes, if you told me you were drowning, I would not lend a hand. What a fucking asshole. Yeah. This is what you-
Starting point is 00:42:55 Imagine! Hell! Right, look, you're on the boat. Hell! It's not about drowning. Oh, okay, sorry about that. Because listen, look, he's really mad at this person. I would not lend a hand I've seen your face before my friend, but I don't know if you know who I am
Starting point is 00:43:11 Well, I was there and I saw what you did I saw with my own two eyes so you can wipe off, but you've heard this urban legend that this is about a Person that someone let drown and then he confronted him by bringing him to the concert and singing this song. I don't know if that's true but that is the urban legend. Whoa, so it is a drowning. What a cruel thing to do. Not lend a hand. Because everyone's so focused on when the drums actually come in and it's such a great song. Yeah, yeah. But like I've always thought... there's drums in the song come back come back please what are you doing yeah what are you doing it's more distracting
Starting point is 00:43:50 this way so go back Rick Rick what are you doing dude what are you doing dude what's wrong with you don't make me make a meal out of this. I just, I'm sorry I had one little thing. I did. You're fine. Okay, let me ask you. You're fucking moron. Let me ask you this. Yeah. You do his podcast earlier. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:44:15 All right, so you go, all right, I'm on my way to do Bobby's podcast, right, or Tiger Belly. Yeah. How did that occur? He said he'd drive me here. Mistake, well, yeah. Because you Ubered. I'm going to go. You better...
Starting point is 00:44:30 If you don't stay, we're done. I'm embarrassed. Rick, if you don't stay, we're done. Sit down. Sit down, please. Also... We're kidding, dude. July 9th
Starting point is 00:45:04 Okay, who's dropping one off I'm I watch I'm gonna watch Alvin how is Sam how Sam getting home? Uber you're gonna uber home. Yeah. Okay. Where are you staying at someone in LA? Yeah a hotel With it with a lady. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's right. That's right. That's right. So congratulations on that as well No, let me ask you about Mark Normanand. Sure. And Joe List. Okay. Okay. Who do you like better? It's hard, I like different things about both of them. Like, you know, it's hard to just choose one.
Starting point is 00:45:33 I do love them both. I see Mark way more. Yeah. That guy Joe List means nothing to me. Do you have a problem with Joe as well? He means- Didn't he do John Ryan's movie? I have no idea.
Starting point is 00:45:46 Yeah, I think he was a star. He made a movie with Louis C.K. That's the one you're talking about? No, it was a short film with our friend John Ryan Sujimoto. They're both great comics. I mean. Joe List means nothing to me. Why does he?
Starting point is 00:45:58 Because I don't know him. I've never met him. I don't know anything about him. You might like him. I did Mark Norman's podcast live during the Netflix. Right, I saw that. And I walked on stage. And you left. I did leave and I looked at him and he didn't seem that excited to see me.
Starting point is 00:46:11 And so vice versa. How do you want people to see him when they first see you or meet you? Just a little bit of, and because vice versa, I was so excited to see him as well. You know, I looked at him, I went, oh my God, that's Joe List, the guy that I've seen.
Starting point is 00:46:22 You know what I mean? And he's friends with all my friends. I feel like most people are very excited to see you. My friend Dory met you. I looked at him, I went, oh my God, that's Joe List, the guy that I've seen, you know what I mean? He's friends with all my friends. I feel like most people are very excited to see you. My friend Dory met you because he came to my podcast because he loves Bobby and Bobby was so mean to him and it made his fucking day. Yeah, but I, wait, wait, wait, oh yeah, the violinist.
Starting point is 00:46:39 Yeah. Right, but you know that I was doing it as a bit. I know, but he loved it. But afterwards I was kind. Yeah, you were nice. Then there we go, you gotta throw that out there. Yeah, yeah. Okay? I but he loved it. But afterwards I was kind. Yeah, you were nice. Then there we go. You gotta throw that out there. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:46:46 Okay? I thought that was implied. I didn't think you were actually an asshole. Yeah, but Joe List means nothing to me right now. I'm sure you guys are thinking that. And it's his responsibility at this point. I'll tell him to read that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, read the room.
Starting point is 00:46:58 Read the room. You want me to give him your number? No, please don't, please don't. No? No, no, no. He's got to hear it. You've changed, Bobby. He's got to hear it. You smoke cigarettes now. I saw you outside the place I'm gonna tell you a couple you I would say about three years ago
Starting point is 00:47:11 He called me crying saying please take me to the hospital I'm coughing up blood so I was like, okay sure Take him to the doctor and he was a chlyla. He's like mark my words He's like mark my words if I get a clean bill of health and I do not have cancer, I swear to God I will never look at another cigarette. Do you remember that? Why'd you bring that story up right now? Just now like that. I don't know, dude, you did look pretty cool out there
Starting point is 00:47:36 with that cigarette though. Thank you so much, Sam. I mean, because of the cool factor, no? I don't know. Gotta get this guy a leather jacket too. You'll be one of those cops. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you don't even keep Gotta get this guy a leather jacket too. You'll be one of those comments. Yeah. But you don't even keep promises to yourself.
Starting point is 00:47:48 Damn. God damn, whoa. Oh, don't do this, all right. This must have been a toxic relationship. I just witnessed that. See that? Thank you so much. Holy shit.
Starting point is 00:47:58 Thank you so much. You don't even keep promises to yourself as a gut punch. That is brutal. That was brutal. Because I want him so badly to quit. No, you should quit. Yeah, I will. And I have to say it was Jesse Johnson's fault.
Starting point is 00:48:09 It's no one's fault but yours. Why are you blaming someone else? I'm not blaming her. She has a way. So we were at Wontour. I was with Santino. And Jesse was like, I'm going to have a cigarette. You want to join me?
Starting point is 00:48:25 You know what I mean? It was just the way, it was like. She made it sound cool? She made it sound cool and also at that time, I mean believe it or not, I've had a rough year last year. And no, this was a great year, but last year. And I'd stressed out and there's a lot of things going on
Starting point is 00:48:41 and I just, the vaping was hurting my lungs more Mm-hmm because the vaping fucks with my bones. Oh, is that real? Yeah, like my spine would hurt I couldn't move my neck right everything was achy was almost I was on a constant stroke When I was vaping so I knew how to stop that and then dipping real tobacco. How much shit do you do everything? This is bad, dude. Wow, vaping harms bone health. Is that what it says? Yeah. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
Starting point is 00:49:11 I've never heard that shit. You don't do it, if you vape a lot and then you'll know what it means. It's like your bones are being hollowed out. Really? Yeah, and it's like you have hollow bones. Like the bone marrow is sucked out. That's how, what's it mean?
Starting point is 00:49:24 Just so fucking funny that these people are smoking like strawberry mango and they're just like, and now they're like, yeah, now I'm fucking weaker. Like, you're just, like you were already a pussy to begin with and now you're like, oh my God, that sucks. I know. And it's so easy, you know, to do it. You can do it, you can do it on planes.
Starting point is 00:49:43 And it's cheap. It's cheap too. And you know, easy, you know, to do it. You can do it, you can do it on planes. And it's cheap. It's cheap too. And you know, the flavors are delicious, but it was like, I'm gonna die. So I went back to cigarettes. I don't feel as bad. But you'll quit cigarettes soon probably, right? The reason why my lungs were,
Starting point is 00:49:55 because I was smoking weed 24 hours a day too, right? I thought you were sober. I am, this is back when I was relapsed. Oh. How long did you relapse for? Like three or four months? What were they awesome months? They were in the beginning his choice of alcohol relapse is weird what what did you drink drinking Clamados every day?
Starting point is 00:50:16 Alone in his room. What do you what do you divorce say in the 50s? Clamados, I mean I like them, but it's such a weird choice to my dad dead Who the fuck drinks Clamatos? I mean, I like them, but it's such a weird choice to... My dad did. Oh, that's what it is. It is a very Korean thing. My father did. What do Koreans love Clamatos or tomato juice,
Starting point is 00:50:31 like alcohol? I don't know why, but we love, you know what it tastes like? Kimchi jjigae, but cold. Oh, that makes sense then. Yeah, so. Something about a Bloody Mary though, on a flight, fuck, they're good. They're good, right?
Starting point is 00:50:44 They just hit, they hit way harder. Yeah. Tomato juice in the air. Fuck they're good. They're good, right? They just hit they hit way harder Yeah tomato juice in the air You know what I got into that with those whiskey fireballs It's so funny that this is what's tearing your life apart You're at a fucking AA meeting like it was a cinnamon whiskey, man Yeah, I would go to ABC stores and they would in Hawaiian You were at a fucking AA meeting, like it was a cinnamon whiskey, man. I fucked my life up. So I would go to ABC stores in Hawaii and they would sell those small ones.
Starting point is 00:51:10 I get 40 of those. And I could just shoot them, you know what I mean? And they tasted so delicious. Yeah, yeah. But your vomit would have that fireball-y, disgusting, you know what I mean? That's what I used to drink when I was like a fucking road feature,
Starting point is 00:51:25 because they weren't paying you enough. So you're like, well, I'll just drink at the, I'll drink at the Funny Bone Bar, and I would drink like Pinnacle Whip Cream, like with like orange juice, and you're like, it's like a creamsicle. Fucked up, the saddest. That's what it was.
Starting point is 00:51:37 Yeah, and then I would, you know, I'm, I would do, because you know, when you were, because I was sober for like 17 years before that really and so I always thought, you know the wine, you know what I mean? But then once you, after 17 years being sober and you drink wine and you do that, it just doesn't hit the way you think it's gonna hit.
Starting point is 00:51:56 Yeah, you kind of have to build up to that. Oh, do you really? I think so, I think it's, I don't think you just like wine out of the gate. I think you kind of have to like work up a palate. Right, right. Same with scotch. Yeah, scotch is another one that makes me vomit almost.
Starting point is 00:52:09 Like too much. But you're having cinnamon whiskey. What's the other, Clamado? Clamado, yeah. With a little vodka in it? Yeah, yeah. What's the ones with the Mexican, the ones in the cans? Oh.
Starting point is 00:52:20 It's Mexican, calito or? Wait, is it a beer? Michelada. Michelada. Michelada! Those are good. I love that stuff, man. Those are fucking good.
Starting point is 00:52:30 Those are really good. Michelada was good. Michelada was good. With like the rim, you get the rim. The rim, I like that. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, Michelada, baby! Yeah, yeah, I loved it, dude. Those will never go out of style.
Starting point is 00:52:42 Those are like forever. It's so funny, the shit he drinks, I'm more worried about like. Those are like forever. Yeah, it's so funny the shit He drinks. I'm more worried about like the sodium than the It's like this like ultimately it's the weed that Buried me. I know but you weren't smoking weed you were doing too many edibles So he would take like a thousand milligrams and he'd be in the middle of the room. That's I freak out from like 10 milligrams. I can't believe you could do no I would do a thousand milligrams and you're not losing your mind well one tell them what would happen when he would have these like
Starting point is 00:53:09 Extreme bouts of like shivering and he'd have to be bundled up and like for comfort like as if he was in the tundra And also I couldn't move and then he was like three o'clock in the morning I just saw this like silhouette in the corner I like I wake up and I'm like what the fuck is that in the middle of the room? And he's like this and he was like am I moving babe? I was frozen. And he was frozen. From the inside to my corridor. I was frozen. You gotta help me babe. And she would have to carry me to the bed right and then she rolled me like a burrito and I was still shivering. The fireball fireball. Yeah that's where the fireball comes in play.
Starting point is 00:53:42 I mean these are the funniest stories. Like, I know it's horrible because you're, you know, an addict and shit, but the fact that you get high and you're just cold. I never looked that up, but there's gotta be a scientific explanation. No, there was. We did look at it.
Starting point is 00:53:58 Why is that? I don't remember, but there's definitely a correlation and it happens when you've gone too far with the- Yeah, you froze. I froze inside of my body. Yeah, he was frozen. I was frozen, my whole body, yeah, yeah, yeah. I took videos to memorialize that time. Yeah, it was a bad time.
Starting point is 00:54:12 So you'd never forget, yeah. It was a bad time. And you made him watch the videos? Yeah, like look how stupid you look. Stupid. And there was like poop dilemmas and all that stuff too. Oh yeah. What kind of dilemmas, just like you said?
Starting point is 00:54:23 Well one time Andrew... You pooped your pants? Yeah, we were in Mexico and Andrew was like wanting to get dinner or something and he couldn't get a hold of me. Were you there? Yeah. Yeah yeah and then he opened the door and I was just just poo all over my body. Wow. I was drunk I don't remember what was going on. Damn. I was poo all over my body I was like, poo all over my body. I was drunk, I don't remember what was going on. I went to the toilet, it was poo all over my body, I was like, Andrew! You know what I mean? He's like, we gotta shower for hours or whatever.
Starting point is 00:54:54 You know what I mean? You know that's like a form of psychosis, right? Like when you start to fecal smear. Like you've gone way off. I went way off, yeah. Yeah, I'm one of those guys in prison, no one would fuck me. Yeah, you would just be covered in your fecal smear.
Starting point is 00:55:10 Yeah, like don't rape him. There's germs, it's weird. Also, it's a blackface type look. Everything is out of the wrong. You'll get canceled, you'll get canceled. But yeah, I think I'm one of those crazies in that way. So I think this, being sober, now almost two and a half years is really my pocket.
Starting point is 00:55:28 Andrew has to take care of you before the show. He had to shower you and stuff. And were you okay for show time? Yeah, I mean, no. I mean, one time I was Jim Jefferies. So we did it with Jim Jefferies. And 10 minutes in, Jim Jefferies, he's our guest. And we're doing a live show in Mexico.
Starting point is 00:55:46 At what? Was it where? Cancun. Cancun and Jim, I never had this happen. Jim whispers in my ear and he goes, can I leave? That's how bad we were. He was uncomfortable? No, that's how much we were bombing.
Starting point is 00:56:01 Wow. Because it was an outdoor event and it was in Mexico so people are drunk and dancing, right? And we're not doing stand up, we're doing just a podcast, right? Outdoor in this empathy and our kind of outdoor thing, right? It was bad, right? The monitors weren't working so you couldn't hear ourselves.
Starting point is 00:56:20 What anybody else was saying, like the audience could hear better than the person right next to you. Like if Bobby was talking, there'd be feedback, you couldn't hear him. The audience could hear better than the person right next to you. Like if Bobby was talking, there'd be feedback. You couldn't hear him. The audience could hear everything. So the audience was like, why are they acting like they can't hear each other on stage? So it was like the weirdest like mix of things. Admit that we bombed.
Starting point is 00:56:35 Will you admit that we bombed? Yes, it was funnier as the audience because your jokes landed, like if somebody said a joke, it would land for the audience, but everybody else on stage would be like, what did Jim Jeffries? Just say what's why because we couldn't hear on that's insane. It was insane Jim Jim is so fun, man
Starting point is 00:56:51 I love him so much. He we I did a gig with him once like I've known him forever He I opened for him when I was like really young in comedy and he was really really nice to me and I remember And we just became buddies but he came back to New York once like right after his mom passed away and he had been sober he had been and he he's told this story publicly before I know he's fine with me telling this but we're doing it he's like we just come open my shows I just would like you know be around a friend I was like yeah so we're in Huntington I didn't know he was slipping drinks you know so I don't know Jim is I
Starting point is 00:57:24 in my mind he's sober now, but he literally just landed from his mom's funeral. And he does like two and a half hours. He's telling hilarious stories about her. I'm dying. I'm like, this is fucking like beautiful. It's so funny. And also like, you know, heavy.
Starting point is 00:57:39 It's heavy, you know? And we go out to some bar after called PJ Carney's in Midtown. It's like an old school New York bar. It's like 335 a.m. The closing in 20 minutes and Jim goes Three ramen cokes three ramen cokes just puts a ton of cash on the counter because they're closing He's like, let's get three more in I'm like, are you really drinking three? Yeah, so like fuck it. I'll join him I'm drinking with him and
Starting point is 00:58:02 Some woman is sitting next to us, some heavier woman, and she just loudly goes, I don't need a man to take me around town. And Jim goes, of course not with your gravitational pull. And I was like, Jesus Christ. I'm like, and he's so charming. He turns to him and she starts laughing. I'm like, did you just win her over with a fat joke?
Starting point is 00:58:22 Anyway, a couple minutes later, a couple minutes later, Jim says something to another. He's a provocative drunk. He's very witty when he's drunk still, but he says the wrong thing to the wrong guy. Something along the lines of, I wanna fuck your girlfriend. Oh, wow, wow, wow.
Starting point is 00:58:37 And the guy just starts running towards us, and I'm like, he's gonna kill us shit. So I have to get him between Jim and this other guy. And I'm like, he's big he's terrifying He's going to Jim is on one leg. Yeah, he's we're gonna get killed. So I have to get in the middle like hey, man He's just hammered doesn't mean anything the guys like fuck you getting more and more intense the bar There's I didn't even know there was security there. They come out of nowhere. They grab the guy they throw him into a bathroom They throw like a stick thing into the door
Starting point is 00:59:01 So he's locked in there and he's just banging the door and banging the door and I'm like oh my God, what just fucking happened? Do they know who Jim Jeffries is? No, no one knows. I walk right back to Jim like oh my God, problem averted and Jim goes, one more drink. Yeah, yeah, yeah, wow. I had to carry him out of there. He didn't remember a thing.
Starting point is 00:59:18 I told him the story the next day, he felt so fucking bad. Wow. But I was like dude, his mom had just passed away. He was like grieving and I think he's been sober since. You won't find another guy that I don't have a single bad thing to say about. I respect him so much. How nice is he? Amazing guy. So nice. And also like I've said this about him before I think he's maybe the best storyteller I've ever seen. Yeah maybe yeah yeah. I
Starting point is 00:59:42 think it's like pretty brilliant. Yeah yeah. His stuff but uh yeah he almost came to my family's Thanksgiving one year and then like in retrospect I'm like this might have been a bad idea. He was drinking pretty hard. I'm just picturing him blowing lines off the table like, yeah, so I'm fucking this toy hooker in the ass the other day. My mom's like, who is this? Yeah. No, they came to, they saw me open for him when I was really young at a theater and they were like, they were like blown away by him. They thought he was so funny. It like put me over to my family. They were like, this guy thinks Sam is really funny.
Starting point is 01:00:13 So he. No, let me ask you about your family. Your parents are still together? Yeah, I mean they're together. It's technically my stepfather, but I just call him dad. Oh yeah, sure. I never said anything. Whatever, whatever.
Starting point is 01:00:24 I feel like I've talked about this before on the pod. Yeah, no, but I just how are they now? They're great They're they get along well, and they follow your career. Yeah, it's uh, they're supportive. They like it It's where they were at my special which is so weird. I did it in Boston So people wouldn't come and he will still come I don't I don't want distractions Like I was I was gonna do it in New York or maybe LA and then my agent was like, don't, people are gonna be coming. I would have gone. Yeah, he's like, you're just gonna wanna be on your own, chilling in the green room.
Starting point is 01:00:54 I was like, yes, as special as probably true. And your parents came and everybody? They came up, I couldn't believe it, yeah. The worst is when you, because I talked to this one female comic, it was very funny. I'm not gonna say her name, and I go, well how's your family? She's like, they hate what I do, they won't believe any of my show, and she's successful.
Starting point is 01:01:11 I know who you're talking about. I don't think you do. Really? Yeah. I think, I mean, yeah, it's a lot of people. I mean, if you can guess it, it'll go along with, so we'll believe it. I can think of like three.
Starting point is 01:01:20 We'll believe it. BEEP No. That was my first guess. That was very good. But similar. BEEP No, similar. You're not gonna guess it. Three we'll believe it No It's similar no similar you're not gonna guess it already you're not gonna get it all right She opened for me all weekend and Brea I love her that's so weird yeah her parents aren't it. I love her Yeah, she's awesome. That's so weird that uh go check out That's so It's so it's so weird that uh go check out That's so
Starting point is 01:01:46 It's so it's so weird when people uh You're gonna believe the person you're plugging No, it's so I guess you can say that her parents don't support her I mean why is that because that's a private That's right. Don't pick that up Figure it out in the editing. It's weird It's weird when when parents just like aren't cool with it Cuz it makes me mad he made it through the fucking maze and they're still kind of not with it's weird My parents are always pretty cool about I mean, I'm the youngest and the older siblings are lawyers
Starting point is 01:02:18 So I'm like they're playing with house money. I'm fine Yeah, you figure this shit out. Yeah, there was periods where they were worried But yeah the shit that my parents found exciting about this were the ones that I never thought would be cool Like I'd get on Conan or something early on and they'd be like, oh whatever and then I'd be like written up in the New York Times and my dad be like the Times and I'd be like they said Samaral bombed and he's like but it's the Times He was so fascinated yeah, like that. But yeah, I mean. I mean, but what's the profession that, like if you were to have kids,
Starting point is 01:02:51 what's the profession you would dread your children to have? Boy or girl, what are we talking? Let's go with, okay, let's go with boy first. Boy, gay porn star. And girl, just porn star. Porn star. No, anything, I probably not anything that was like. What if she's like top point zero one performer and she now has $15 million in the bank
Starting point is 01:03:17 and she's like. It's not about money. I think that would be hard for me as a parent, just cause you know, but I don't know if there's anything like the other part of me is like, I'd like to think I would be like, well, this is making you happy. Yeah. Then I hope, you know, but I think, yeah,
Starting point is 01:03:29 but that would be- Mainly because I watch porn and sometimes I get suggested things. Yeah. You know what I mean? And all of a sudden, I don't wanna see my daughter's video. Fecal matter on your face. Right? Fecal matter on your face.
Starting point is 01:03:40 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Stuff, stuff, stuff. Or sometimes like she might, like I'm watching a porn, all of a sudden there's another girl that comes in and they go, oh my God, that's my daughter, you know what I mean? So what's a big no? That's why I would hate my daughter to be. No, no profession, so porn, what else?
Starting point is 01:03:53 Okay, so here, let's see. You know, it's not a profession. It's, so I met a girl over the weekend. I can't get into more details than that. It's not something I'm interested in. But she was a friend of a friend. And I go, what do you do for a living? And she goes, nothing.
Starting point is 01:04:09 And I go, how do you make a living? She goes, well, my girlfriend, she's, you know, gay, makes all the money and I just eat and do everything. I just play video games all day. And I know her friend isn't happy about that, her girlfriend, right? And it's like, I don't want my daughter to do that. I want you to have some goal, some dream,
Starting point is 01:04:29 pursuing something. And same as my son, if he really is adamant about being, look at my dad, look at my dad, look how elastic my butthole is. I go, uh-huh, he's like, I could do it. I go, okay, well do it good though, you know what I mean? So I want him to have that. That's not a dream though, that's like. I know, but if you. No kid laying around in bed like, someday the world okay, well do it good though. You know what I mean? So I want him to.
Starting point is 01:04:45 That's not a dream though. That's like. No kid laying around in bed like someday the world's gonna see my butt hole. That's not a dream. That's not like being a fireman or something. I know what you mean. If you're gonna do porn, do it the Asa Akira way.
Starting point is 01:04:58 That's what I'm saying. Be a business person about it. Like play it smart. Sure. Yeah, we've had people in the adult industry come to our podcast and they're successful at it. Yeah. I don't know.
Starting point is 01:05:08 I don't have a daughter, so I don't know how I would actually feel. I probably, based on me now, probably no. It'd be kind of upsetting, I guess. Yeah. Maybe. But I don't know. I mean, also, I'm very open to sex workers
Starting point is 01:05:20 and I'm supportive of it and I think that- You pay the bills, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but a therapist once told me that by watching porn you're just supporting other people's trauma, which is hard. That's tough. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 01:05:37 It's like it's a cycle of trauma that's happening. Yeah, but that's also kind of a very judgmental thing to say, that's like painting all porn girls, you know, one thing. There's gotta be one good childhood out there. No, I mean like- That should be a porn category, good childhood. Yeah. Like, all right.
Starting point is 01:05:54 It's like getting organic eggs or something, you know? You're like, these are cage free. Like, hold some childhood. What if she just for some reason is just like hypersexual, wanted to experiment, loves her body, loves the performance aspect of it? There are girls out there that are just like, and there are a lot of crossover girls like that,
Starting point is 01:06:10 like Chloe Cherry, who's now in like Euphoria, right? They just sort of make it work. It's part of their performance that they love. And what if, you know, what if she's just that? You're right, I'm saying, I know, but can we admit this? There are anomalies, right? And there are outliers, whatever, but for the most part, a lot of them, especially,
Starting point is 01:06:34 I'm not talking about just porn stars, but also, you know, this therapist was saying, even when you go to a strip club and this and that, you know what I mean? It's generally a lot of trauma. What, is she trying to crush Vegas? What the hell? What's she doing? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I mean, and I, she's just trying to get my mind
Starting point is 01:06:50 wrapped around like not doing it. Okay, so would she rather that traumatized person not get paid or get paid? I'd rather pay a traumatized person, just kind of make up for their, at least Brent's getting paid. You're paying them. You're giving them money.
Starting point is 01:07:04 You're not so, you know. You're right, I go both ways. I'm just, you know, I'm just telling you what somebody told me. Yeah. Yeah. No, I get that point of view as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I totally get that. Don't jump down my throat. No, no, no, no. Yeah, but I heard that it kind of resonated with me at the time. I was like, maybe, but I don't know. You could also argue that by coming to see a stand-up comedy show live, you're supporting trauma That's what I'm saying. I mean in many ways that's true, too Yeah, so if a guy believe that the closest thing that comics are are strippers really well
Starting point is 01:07:33 Yeah, I mean same environment thing about Richard Pryor talking about lighting himself on fire free-basing. That's trauma You can make that argument too, that's sure that's true that's true So you're going back tonight to New York. Yeah, red eye. But when am I gonna see you, Thursday or Friday? Friday. You fly, yeah, I think I fly out Thursday, do you or no?
Starting point is 01:07:53 No, maybe you're doing one more than me. I'm pumped though. It's gonna, I think we'll start, I'm starting in Savannah, Georgia. That's where I'm starting. Oh, so maybe it's. But I like flying day of. Oh, I am.
Starting point is 01:08:02 Oh, you are? Is that weird? Okay. Oh, well you're coming from LA, dude. Yeah, I'm not playing day of. Oh I am. Oh you are? Is that weird? Okay. Oh, well you're coming from LA, dude. Yeah, I'm coming from LA. So Savannah, we're doing West Point, Florida. West Palm Beach. Yeah, you know what sucks about these dates though?
Starting point is 01:08:13 There's no, there's no like day where we can like, like how do you meet girls? Not that I would. But how do you, how do you, how do you close, that, no, no, no, no. Oh, cause you mean, cause you were on the bus, you mean? Well, I'm just saying, when I went on tour with Andrew and everybody on the bus, they were like, you must be getting... I go, no, we're leaving tonight.
Starting point is 01:08:34 Oh no, I'll tell you how. You have a 10 minute window. I'll tell you how. You change your location before you even get there. So you're already making matches before you get there. I don't even get matches in LA when I'm here for like a month. What are you talking about? There's no way. No, I don't. No, I don't. No, I don't. Anyway, anyway. So it's gonna just be celibate the whole.
Starting point is 01:08:52 But also on Raya, they have the option to show, hey, Bobby Lee is traveling to so-and-so on these dates. So you just have to set that up. I can do it for you. That's an aid for people just looking to hook up. Yes, exactly. All right. Maybe, maybe not, I don't know. Yeah, cause I always see like certain. I see it too.
Starting point is 01:09:09 Yeah. I see, okay. Just set that up. I would definitely meet people on those before I was seeing someone. It's kind of fun, man. What do you mean? I mean, just like matching with someone and you know.
Starting point is 01:09:19 Yeah, only, you know, the last tour I did, I think there was only two out of the 30 or 40 dates I hooked up with somebody. Only two out of how many? Like 30 or 40 dates. All right, I mean. Because you're on the bus a lot though, so. You're on the bus a lot, but it's also like,
Starting point is 01:09:35 you just make decisions like, ah, this is not worth it. Why, she's like, do the nine? It has nothing to do with looks. I always think like post-com, is this gonna be a good hang? Do, do, do, do, do, hang. That's good, that's good. You have to. You have to think like, okay, I'm attracted to you,
Starting point is 01:09:52 but it's not about that. Post-com is the world to me. Yeah. Post-com, no, I know that sounds weird. But when you just, let's talk about post-com. Yeah. Post-com is the real test of every relationship. I know that sounds weird. But when you just, let's talk about post-cum. Post-cum is the real test of every relationship. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:10:10 Right? And that's what I'm thinking about every time you're right. Cause you love them hard when you're cum drunk. Yeah, yeah. Oh my God. When it's drained out of you, you're just like, oh, I cannot wait for this person. I would be really attracted to toxic women
Starting point is 01:10:24 cause they'd be like, if they were like kind of assholes, I'd be like, well, this is like hot. She's mean, but she's being nice to me. Yeah. But then the second you come, you're like, shit, she's still mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was cool when you were chasing,
Starting point is 01:10:36 but it's almost like if you're like hunting an animal and then you kill the animal and then the animal just like turns angry again. You're like, I thought I fucking killed you. What the hell? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I see what you're saying. No, it's-
Starting point is 01:10:46 But post-cum is everything. And that should be- That's like universal. Universal. Even for girls. That's a good dating profile thing. Must be cool post-cum. But-
Starting point is 01:10:56 But my scientific question of it is, why do we feel, I don't know, do women feel that way? Yes. Do men definitely feel that way? I feel men feel that way. Yeah, yeah't know, do women feel that way? Or do men definitely feel that way? I feel like men feel that way. I feel that way more. Maybe men feel that way definitely more because you guys get cum drunk on a different level.
Starting point is 01:11:12 Yeah, let's try to talk about the feeling then you get. I feel like women, I feel like it's the opposite. I feel like women feel closer after the cum and we feel more distant after the cum usually. Sometimes, I get this thing, I think they call it like postcoital blues where there's this like window where I feel this. My favorite type of jazz.
Starting point is 01:11:27 Yeah. Honestly, but I get like this extreme depression. It's like a sadness and a shame. And that's where I'm maybe not like wanting to be around the person I just like hooked up with, which is why I never do like one night stands. Cause I think I always know I'm gonna feel that way. So I have to really know for sure that posts come
Starting point is 01:11:49 that this is someone that I can at least watch TV with or else I won't hook up at all. I cannot stand that post-com hatred. I can't be- I used to do a joke about it. You think like pitos really regret it the second they come. They're like, oh fuck, just take the candy and leave. I do think that's real though I didn't I never heard of a woman's perspective like that though where it's
Starting point is 01:12:11 like you it's more like you don't feel good about yourself as opposed to we just are like shit this was a bad decision. You feel okay empty there's a feeling of a hollow emptiness about it right there's also if you don't like that There's also, if you don't like them, that's the problem. If you don't like them, their character defects and all the things you didn't like are just very glaring almost. It's like a neon sign, like, you know what I mean? Like, I'm annoying, I'm annoying, I'm annoying, right?
Starting point is 01:12:37 And then also, I'm such a nice guy, I have to now act. I don't like it, so I have to memorize my lines. You know what I mean? I go, would you like a towel? Aftercare. Aftercare. Let's see, aftercare should just be implemented always, whether you like her or you don't.
Starting point is 01:12:55 That's not true. It absolutely, aftercare is everything. Aftercare is nothing. Hot towels only. You deserve it. I do a hot towel. I do a hot towel. It's harder to get come off with a cold towel.
Starting point is 01:13:06 It is. It's just like me and you're just like, what are you doing? Or let it dry naturally. Yeah, let it dry. I'm kidding. Yeah, you're right. I know, so that's why I'm always nice.
Starting point is 01:13:17 Yeah. And because I'm acting. And then I'm like, and then I have to do this question. I have to go, would you like to stay? And what are you? You're welcome to stay. What are you hoping to answer is? No!
Starting point is 01:13:31 But if they go, yeah, I'm not gonna sleep tonight. Yeah, yeah, it's a whole thing. So I like to avoid them. I get it's the problem, the sleepiness, it's a big deal. May I also say? Someone's sleeping in there, you may as well have a fucking intruder in there.
Starting point is 01:13:43 I mean, they may as well have a fucking intruder in there It's like it's brutal Girls similarly and that like we don't want you to stay either Like at least for me where I'm like, oh, yeah, like but I don't think there's like clear communication right after cuz you're being weird You're not you've now changed the way you're acting around me. You've changed, July 9th on Amazon Prime, my comedy thing. Yeah, yeah. I've changed the, you know, like, we're both having weird feelings about it,
Starting point is 01:14:10 so it's like, why don't we just, like, you know, agree to separate. Right. No sleepovers. No sleepover. Anyway, your special is July 19th. July 9th, I think. July 9th on Amazon Prime.
Starting point is 01:14:23 Yeah. You know, it's always a pleasure to have you. You're always invited. It means a lot, man. You're a friend. This is one of the best pods, it's so good. We had so much fun. We always have fun with you.
Starting point is 01:14:33 I like your friends aside from Joe List. I'm gonna patch you guys up. I wanna patch you up because he's got, also when you look at him, you're like, that guy's a comic? He's one of the best. I know, I know, I know, I know. No, when you see him perform, you're like,
Starting point is 01:14:44 oh, he's great. But just on Outskirt, it's like, he just blends of the best. I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. No, when you see him perform, you're like, oh, he's great. But just on Outscored, it's like, he just blends into the world. You know what I mean? Don't blend into the world. Anyway. His specials are fucking amazing. I Googled them and I laughed outright.
Starting point is 01:14:55 Outright. And when I met him, I was like excited to meet him. He didn't seem that excited to meet him. Anyway, we got Sam Morrill. Give him a round of applause, everybody. Thank you so much. I'll see you Friday. I'll see you Friday.
Starting point is 01:15:06 I'll see you Friday. I'll see you Friday. I'll see you Friday. I'll see you Friday. I'll see you Friday. I'll see you Friday. I'll see you Friday. I'll see you Friday.
Starting point is 01:15:14 I'll see you Friday. I'll see you Friday. I'll see you Friday. I'll see you Friday. I'll see you Friday. I'll see you Friday. I'll see you Friday. I'll see you Friday.
Starting point is 01:15:22 I'll see you Friday. I'll see you Friday. I'll see you Friday. I'll see you Friday. I'll see you Friday. I'll see you Friday. I'll see you Friday.

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