TigerBelly - Simon Helberg & The Hannibal Lector Advice

Episode Date: April 29, 2026

Simon Helberg (The Big Bang Theory) drops into the TigerBelly studio. We chat MadTV war stories, high path & low path, Oldchella, The Strokes, losing sense of smell, bedtime rituals, boils, big nose studies, and how to be a man.Limited Time Offer – Get Huel today with my exclusive offer of 15% OFF online with my code TIGERBELLY at https://www.huel.com/TIGERBELLY. New Customers Only. Thank you to Huel for partnering and supporting our show!For simple, online access to personalized and affordable care for Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit www.hims.com/belly Hims dot com slash BELLY. Klarna lets you split purchases into different payment options. Download the Klarna app today or visit www.Klarna.com to learn moreSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Baca key You can't go to the fuckaboo Do you use cans or do you not use cans? Is there, are there people who don't use cans? Oh yeah, some people don't like the cans. Boxes? I mean, we've never had a box on the show, but you know what if we had one,

probably use the cans. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll use. Yeah, if I said box, you wouldn't. I wouldn't not, no, no, yeah. I'm going to just take the can. Yeah, take the cans, dude. Yeah, yeah.

I want this guy. No, I mean, ear plugs, ear is what I meant. I thought you were doing a bit. I honestly thought you're doing a next level bit with the can thing. Yeah, yeah, do they call this the cans? They're called cans. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You thought you were talking about... Oh, yeah, my bad. There's two types of cans. Let's address that. You happen to have cans of water. Like, that's a rare thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you said box.

You said boxes. But also cans... Yeah, it's a festival. It's a film festival. And it's a private part. I've never been, because I've never really been. in a good movie. Yeah, so there's that.

It's also a body part, and so it's box. Oh, right. All right. Can you cut that out? Yeah, we'll get that part out. We'll cut that part out, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just going to keep saying.

You're becoming edgy. The whole day. Is cans a body part? Well, I didn't know it. Yeah. Oh, teeth. Oh, breasts. Breasts.

All right, right, right. And box. And box. What's a box? A penis. No. No. No.

No. No, no, no, no, no. We'll cut that out. What the hell? Can you cut that out? Yeah, yeah, we'll cut that out. So, Simon and I have known each other for how long do you think? Oh, excuse me.

I'm just parched looking at you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to drink you up. I want to drink you like water. That's like the, remember, you know, Jesse Buckley, the actor? Of course. Every speech she gave. There was one speech she gave about Paul Muskell, where she was like, I want to drink you.

Yeah. What does that mean, you think? It sounds. Everything sounded so sexual, but then she'd be like, and Paul, I want to drink you like water. Also, I want to thank your girlfriend. She's so loving. My husband, I was like, wow.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've never said I want to drink you like water. Yeah, yeah, to anybody. To somebody that I didn't want to just, you know, mess around with. Well, it's like when you're in love with somebody, you kind of want to bite them. It's true, so maybe drinking like,

also drinking like water isn't really sexy. It's the way she said it with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, the human body is consisted of a lot of water. I think that was her point. Okay, why? I don't know. Scientific one.

It's always going to be accurate. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What's percentage of human... 73. Wow. Well, 73% of the human body is water. Yeah. And then same with the earth, right?

Isn't it like more? Yeah, it's the same as the earth. Yeah. Wow. You're blowing my mind. How do you know this, Kat? Because everyone knows this. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, okay. So the adult male have how much water in there? How much water is eating your body? That's not an accurate way to describe what we're talking. Yeah. What does that say? 60%? Yeah.

Yeah. Female body, 55. Get more water, cat. Yeah. Yeah, get up to 5%. Yeah, you're slacking. I'm mostly hormones. Oh, you are?

Okay. All right. Moody. Yeah, I don't feel like we have water like half of, it's not like an evenly dispersed. We're not like filled up with water. I think that that's not. What do you mean? Well, I think we are made of water.

Yeah. But it's not like from the nipples down. Oh, right, right, right, right. Right. Or when you drink water. Exactly. It fills up. Yeah, only the upper half.

I mean, we don't know, though, actually. At the same time, maybe cat knows she. In my left foot, I have more water than my right foot. How do you know? It's the way I won't. Oh, well, we all know. Yeah, yeah. Everyone knows that.

Yeah, yeah, everyone knows that. Yeah, yeah. But the infant is practically a Desoni bottle. It's disgusting. Also, what shape is it? It's like a Devedo, a Devedo shape. Is that a Devedo baby? He has Devedo syndrome, doesn't it?

Why would they use DeVito? Naded Davido. Yeah. Yeah. See, that's AI. They're stealing the likeness. Yeah. Yeah.

Wait, wait, go back to the last photo. Go about the last photo, right? And then the adult male is Toby McCoy. Yeah, Spider-Man 3. Yeah, Spider-Man 3. So. And Shelley Duval is the woman. And Martin Short?

Yeah, yeah. Martin Short is the children. Yeah, yeah. It's a weird, yeah. Wow. They represent. They represent average human beings. Which you never would think that Danny DeVito, Martin Short, Shelly Duvall.

And Toby McGuire would be. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. The female just looks like she's wearing pants, really. Yeah, which they're allowed to do in this country. Yeah, by the way. Yeah, even if you're... This is an American woman. Yeah.

Yeah, she can wear whatever she wants. What are you trying to say? Yeah, what are you trying to say, Cat? She's just... What was this? Oh, well, now... Okay. I don't know.

Stumped? I'm stumped. Okay. It doesn't make it any sense. So it's saying the brain is 75% water. Oh, I see. This doesn't make 100%, right? I don't think it's supposed to. It's not supposed to. No, no, no, because it's saying now within the percentage of a person,

then if you look to adjust at their brain, the brain. Unless you're using Trump, you know what I mean? You know what I mean? Metrics. Right. Right. In some time. A thousand percent down from prescription drugs. Oh, yeah. And when he says stuff like that.

Oh, I thought you were talking about his brain. Yeah, yeah. Unless you use Trump's Trump brain. 15%. So Samba and I met, how long? Oh my God. I was, it was on, I was on Mad TV with you in 2003. 2002. 2002. Yeah. And, um, what, it's insane.

And I remember, um, what a blessing. Do you ever think about this? No, you know, you don't, you know. I blocked it out. No, no, I think I know what you're going to say. Go ahead. Are you going to be nice to me? I'm going to be completely nice to you. What are you talking about? Okay, because, well, you just keep going. I mean, I would never say anything that's going to be not nice. Okay, well, I'm going to say, when you said what a blessing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I think that the experience of Mad TV was not so nice, but the blessing part of it, actually, for me, seriously, was having you there because you were so, so incredibly kind to me. Well, I thought we were friends. I did, too. I don't know why it took us 25 years. Well, because, you know, you take two different paths. Right.

You went high. I went low. Right. And then I went back high again. Right. No, no, you're right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that's what happened.

Yeah, yeah. We travel in different, you know what I mean, the paths. Yeah, I'm just really, success. Yeah, all that. You were just deep in it. So busy, right? You know, I, yeah. It's just I have, there's a certain threshold.

But the blessing, I think, was, because I remember when you were let go of mad. Yes. You were super sad. Yes. Do you remember? Yeah. And then I remember having conversations with you. And then you got on, you know what I mean?

Big Bang. Yeah. Right? And it was an incredible success. Yeah. Right? I think that if you would last it eight years on Mad. Oh my God.

Yeah. Is that how long were you? Were you on eight years? Eight years? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Eight years I was on.

Was that until the very... I was at when it was like the time... It hit the iceberg. Yeah. It was sinking. I'm still in the bottom of the ocean. That's how long. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm the bodies that haven't been recovered. Right. Yeah. Yeah. I'm still have the saxophone. phone or because I would have been a musician on the on the show. Oh, you would have been playing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. It's the rusted saxophone with my skeleton floating in the body of the ocean. That was me. That feels... Is that you and I? Oh, oh my God. I couldn't bring the video. What is this? I don't remember what it is. I'm wearing a du rack? Yes. Yeah, well, I wore a du rack that day to set and they thought it'd be fun to use it in the sketch.

Yeah, yeah. That was 2000 and what? Two, probably 2000. Well, you were like, you really took me under your wing. You really did. You were so kind because, and this is the thing I was, I was thinking about as I came here today, I was like, oh man, you know, Bobby really, aside from even just the time on the show, you also like, I feel like taught me how to be a sort of grown up, like how to pay for dinner. You were always so generous. I just never knew anything like that. And I had never made a, like, a weekly salary. So I didn't understand anything. And I, you know, I didn't understand anything. And I,

I just remember you being the most, like, just like a shining light. We go to Cafe Days Artis. Hello. You were, and then. And goodbye, you know what I mean? Yeah. And then you, it was such a, it was such a miserable place in so many ways. And you were always, um, hi.

Yeah. There's just, somebody just sat down. Yeah, yeah. So this is my co-host, Kalila. Hi. Yeah. And this is Simon Helberg. Nice to me.

Hi. Yeah. Can you repeat. Everything that we've said? No, just, no. Yeah. How did you guys. No, repeat how generous I was back then.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. He taught me how to be. I just said I was generous. Yeah. How to be like a man.

To be a man. Yeah. Oh, a man. Weird. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was more of like a class, like a classy guy. A classy guy.

He would go to dinner. Sinatra, Sinatra. Yeah, imagine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, hey. There's a lot of it. Whoa. But, yeah.

And then also like, after. the table read, you were very supportive. And then, you know, you're just showing me, hey, this is like a miserable, scorched earth kind of place. And that helped me. Yeah, it was a scorched earth miserable place. Yeah, not, it helped me realize that it was okay to be miserable in some way. But then you'd be very encouraging. And I remember my first table read, I did so many sketches and they all went really, really well. And you were like, you killed and none of them got picked. And then I went to you. Did you mean that, Bobby? Yeah, what?

Did you mean that? No, I thought he did. No, and it did. Actually, that was what was. Dude, dude, I'm not a liar. I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, I remember being like, oh my God, like I did it, you know?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then none of them got picked, and then I went to Bobby and was like, what's going on? Yeah, and I go, this is the brutality of, of sketch. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that was helpful to commiserate, but. This is my, this is, if you were going to sing a song about me, this is it. I did it my. way. Yep. That's so good. That is. You sang that your way too. Are you being real or? Are you

mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're being mean or real? I'm being mean. Yeah, yeah. How was Coachella? Is that where you just got back? We were all there. Oh. Yeah, you were at Coachella. What are you talking about how was Coachella? I didn't go. You didn't go. Yeah. No. So you just ask people that to the ask. No, she did go, but she just stayed in the house. Oh, okay. I thought you're like, you asked people and I didn't go. Did you? And you're like, oh, yeah, I did. How did you know? No, that wasn't that. I've done that before, but that wasn't that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We all went together, same Airbnb, not cat.

But I didn't, I didn't. Yeah, you weren't invited. So when you say we all, and there's four people at the table and two of them didn't go. Yeah, yeah. Have you ever been to that? I have. I went a long, long time ago. Yeah. What year did you go? I went, it was like radio head and Flamination. Oh my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, yeah, that's a good one. It was really cool. Yeah. Yeah, so this was, well, the strokes did that very cool thing. Yeah, I was there. Oh, I was there. I was there and in the front row and I was like, it was amazing. That you were in the front row.

I was in the front row. You didn't go venture on to see David Byrne. I'm shocked. Because I couldn't, my legs wouldn't let me. I'm 54, so I'm like, should I go to David Byrne and I'll go home. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're 54.

Yeah. How old are you? Well, I'm 45. Yeah. But I feel like I also remember this about Mad TV. I was like, I'm 22 and you were like, I'm 48. Like, I was always like, it never made any sense. It made any sense.

It still doesn't make sense to me now. And do you remember? Oh, and actually speaking of the strokes, remember when they played on that TV? Yeah, I did. And then you like hung with them. Yeah, but not I did a hang with them, I got in trouble with Drew Barrymore. I didn't know this? I think I remember.

Yeah, yeah. So Drew Barrymore was dating the drummer, I believe, right? And I was using drugs then, right? And I had a bowl of drugs in my dressing room. A bowl. A bowl? He didn't even distinguish which drugs. He just always asked for a bowl.

Yeah, just a bowl of drugs. Which is how he got caught. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like cereal to me. Yeah, you just add some milk. Now old milk. But anyway, yeah, so I had a bowl of drugs. I guess he took too much.

And Drew complained that he was all drugged out and complained to the show that he took some of my drugs. And we don't even know what it is and this and that. It was a little bit of a controversy, but then I re-ran into him a month ago, and we hugged. It was totally cool. And what's this? The strokes. Month ago.

Oh, my. I introduced the strokes. On drugs. On drugs. Oh, my God. Wait, you didn't tell us this part? What do you mean? Do you remember that you introduced the strokes?

I didn't remember it, but I just remember them being there because I got in trouble. Okay, he looks like he's on drugs. Is that the guy? Yeah, that's how many drugs. That's what he looks like. Bobby. Bobby's bowl of drugs was so big that it almost. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But it was incredibly kind of watching them perform again, you know what I mean, all these years. It just kind of brought me back into that. You also realize how long they've been around. I was in high school. Yeah, yeah. They were great. Yeah. I saw Karen Carpenter, too.

She was pretty good. Who? Karen. Oh, Sabrina Carlin Carlin. You really are. What the fuck? I agree Sabrina

I was like Karen Yeah yeah yeah yeah Yeah she was I thought she was You know what I mean A pole You know I mean

Yeah yeah yeah That's how skinny she was Rest in peace Yeah Yeah RIP Rest in peace Is that what it means

Yeah Yeah Yeah I I meant Sabrina Carpenter And this is what Drink Sabrina Yeah

Yeah That looks like Madonna Is that Madonna Is that Madonna I don't know It could have been Grand Madonna But

You look like Moby I do Yeah Yeah I'm Asian Moby Yeah Yeah One of my nieces, when Madonna came out, one of my nieces didn't, one of my nieces's friends didn't know who she was.

And then she proceeded to ask, is that Charlie X-E-X? Oh, no. That's how big of a generational gap there is. It's like the Karen Carpenter or Sabrina. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But when Vogue started happening, right? Yeah. So she performed.

Oh, yeah. Like, and she performed Vogue. Yeah, yeah. So Vogue started happening. And I'm like, what the fuck is going on here? Because, you know, I've never heard of Sabrina Carpenter's music. So it's difficult to be in the front row and listening to us. With giant glass.

With giant class. At night. The red beans. Just like. Just almost dying. Before you're like, this man there. Are you on? Go, Karen.

Hey. Were you on the live stream? I don't know. Probably because you were right up front, like on the fan. I don't know, I don't think so. Yeah, yeah, but I would have gotten like DMs from that. Yeah. So, you know, you don't know the music.

So you're just, and also, you know, your niece was there. And so there was, we were with the, and everyone's doing the lyrics. Yeah. Right? And I'm trying to get into it, but I don't know. I've never heard of any of these songs. But then once Vogue started, I go, she's going to cover Vogue. And then when Grand Madonna came out, I was like, oh, my God.

I couldn't believe it. Oh, my God. What? Graza. Oh my graza. Oh, ma'clock. She was great. She did a Vogue.

She did just like a prayer. Wow. Yeah, yeah. And I got goosebumps. Yeah. And then I went home back to the AMB after that. That's what you do. I can do one show maybe and then that's it.

Did you go to the Sahara tent? In the artist, in the artist, in the artist pass, I don't know how to get there. Oh. Yeah, yeah, I was with the trailer. So it's like the peasants pass is the Sahara tent. Hule! I love Huel. I'll tell you why.

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sent you healing sleep.com slash tiger belly. Draft Kings Casin. Yeah, yeah, I was with the trailer. So it's like the peasants pass as the Sahara tent. What is this? Yeah, what are you implying? What is, what is that? I don't know what the Sahara said.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is there a Sahara tent where you're like. Yeah, Sahara is just one of the other stages, right? Yeah, it's like where all the fun DJs are. Yeah, it's a Sahara. Oh yeah, so I had no boo at the Sahara tent. Oh, you know. No boo.

No boo. What? That was not Nobu. That was like 7.11. No, they had, Nobu had a pop-up and he ate at the night. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what Coachella is.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Pop-up Nobu. Yeah, yeah, yeah, pop-up nobu. And it was right by the E.D.M. Karen Carpenter, sushi. What a beautiful, yeah. Beautiful festival. Yeah, yeah.

And so you're outside, right? You're eating sushi. The EDM stage is probably 300 feet away, right? And it's, kong, kong, kong, kong. And it's like you're eating during, you know what I mean? Yeah. Earthquake. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who else did you see? Who else was there? Well, I wanted to see Interpol because I'm friends with Paul, the lead singer, and I just could, my legs couldn't make it. What's wrong with your legs? My knees are hurting. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Because to get to the other stages, I would have to run. Yeah, you would. I'd have to run through a, people because they're in different stages. There's like six stages. But I mean, why couldn't you walk to the other stage? Yeah, because the time he chose to run.

I think you're, yeah, you're creating a lot of like false parameters. No, I'm not. I am not, no, I'm not. I would have had to run. Why? Well, because. I thought maybe like you were. Because of scheduling, right?

So, all right, so the strokes ended at 10. Interpol started at 10. Okay. Right. And it's on the, all the way across, right? Uh-huh. So I have to run to Interpol. Right.

Right. Which is, I don't even know where it is. Yes. There's a map, but, you know, I'm not Magellan. No. Yeah, just say that out loud. You know what I mean? Or Columbus or any of the explorers.

Yeah, no, you're not Jellin. Yeah, not Jellin at all. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you can take a golf cart to the variety of stages. Oh. But the lines, what? That's awesome. That's good.

Yeah. But the line is nine miles long to get, you know what I mean? So you got to take the golf. golf cart to the line? No, no, no, no, no. You're waiting in line for a golf cart. Oh, you got to wait for the golf cart. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I wasn't able to see Interpol, so I just saw the strokes. I'm sorry, Paul, if you're listening. You texted Paul, right? Yeah, and I'd seen the Interpol before, but I'm a big fan, but I just went back to the NPR&B. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And the guy Cole that was, you know, he's the director of the whole festival, hooked me up, and the nicest man I've ever met,

and I'm very grateful. So if you're listening, dude, thank you so much. I'll be back. See you next year. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, name me a lineup and then see if I'll go back. Yeah. Yeah, name me your lineup.

Rolling Stones. No. Okay, the talking heads. Oh, the full band? The full band. Pixies, full band. Kinks. Okay, Pixies with Kim Gil.

Yeah, I would do that. That's what I think she was there when I saw. Yeah, because she was playing with them for a bit. it again. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I did it. I did your Coachella. You did that. Was it hot, though, because it's always so brutal. Were you on Big Bang then? Yes, it was the like very beginning. So I was in like the VIP section, but it was enormous. Yeah, yeah, yeah, everybody. Yeah, everyone's there. And it's just the only thing was they had the like mister, the, the water that would drip on. Yeah. And also fashion wise, I'm like, oh, I'm like, I think I'm out.

I saw a black man with just wearing feathers. And I didn't know where the seams were or the cloth was. So it was just sticking out of his skin. It wasn't a bird? No, it was not. I think he was just describing a bird. You saw a crow. I saw a gigantic crow.

Wow. Yeah, yeah, no. There was a six foot two black man. You know what I mean? Very handsome. Just wearing feathers coming out of his skin. I don't know how he did it. That's amazing.

Yeah, yeah. And then you watch somebody, you know, just with a hippo mask on, with no clothing on, walking. Are they naked? No, he's wearing like a hippo underwear or whatever, right? And the fashion- Like what a hippo would wear Like gray?

Just gray. Okay. Like a speed-up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. A hippo underwear, yeah. Well, a hippo is gray. No, I know, you said hippo underwear like it was a common. And so I didn't know if you were saying like this is like the underwear a hippo would wear.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, I see. Or I was like, you've never seen a hippo wear underwear. You just threw away like, you know, he's wearing a hippo underwear and, uh. Oh, okay, okay. I got what you say. Now I get it. Like a gray like a hippo.

Or just you could say gray underwear. Yeah, gray underwear. I could have said gray underwear. Yeah, what about Radiohead that he went to? Yeah, Radiohead, Pixies, Flaming Lips. Oh, but a live David Bowie add to that. Oh, live, David. That's crazy.

That's like Saturday headliner, yeah. Probably, let's see, Radiohead. Live David, it's got to be a second thing. Talking Head's reunion. Yeah. But you have to be on the mainstream in a row. So you don't have to run. So I don't have to run.

I went to old chella. Did you go to that? Do you know what that is? What's old cell? Like about five or six years ago, it was Paul McCartney, Neil Young, Bob Dylan, Roger Waters, who else was it? The Rolling Stone. That's it, that's it.

That's it. I'm old cell. I did that. You did old cell? Yeah, I didn't even know there was an old cell. Yeah, I think they just did it one year. Yeah, Madonna should have been at Oldcella. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But it was in Indio. It was a real, yeah. They did it in Indio, too. Yeah, wow. Yeah, I would have done Oldcella. And I was, you know what? Lars Ulrich was backstage because I was in the like VIP thing there.

It was not super fancy again, but there was like a, they kind of cordoned off a smaller group of people. There's still thousands and thousands of people. There was Lars Ulrich and he was eating meatballs. And he was with his regular meatballs. Yeah, just like eating meatballs. But you know, like my friend and I started like imagining what large,

because you know, got that point. They were talking about the meatballs. Like how good they are these fucking meatballs are so good. And then like we went out and like Paul McCartney came on stage and was playing. And Lars is still eating these meatballs. And he turned around with his back to the stage. Yeah. And was like looking out.

It was the most like amazing kind of strange. I don't know if he had never, it was like he had never heard of Paul McCartney. Yeah. And he was looking to see kind of how the music was resonating while eating meatballs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he was like, oh, okay. And he kept kind of like looking at the crowd, but not at Paul McCartney. It's just an amazing.

I've done that with meatloaf. Well, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I understand it with meatloaf. Yeah. But I think Lars is a very, like he's a very thoughtful. Yeah. I don't know what he was thinking. Yeah.

It felt like maybe he was thinking like, should I play here next year? Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And all these people, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Like, he was trying to figure it out. Oh, he did some Beatles. Oh, Paul McCartney did the fucking whole. Oh, my God. Some Beatles.

Oh, my God. What else is he going to do? Now, is it as many people... I mean, I know he's got wings. I'm just saying, but of course he's going on. I mean, his first album, Ram was a very good... That's not his first album. Ram is it?

McCartney. McCartney is his first album. Oh, Ram was second? Ram was maybe third because there was McCartney, too. No, no, tell me what Ram is. Tell me what Ram is. Second or third. Ram is a absolute perfection.

But McCartney, one, is also a pretty fantastic album. It's more like fragmented. Okay. What was the order? It's maybe I'm amazed is on the first one. is on McCartney. See, there's... Oh, McCartney, sorry.

71. Okay, it's the second. Oh, Ram right there. Yeah. See, McCartney? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Ram is second. 1970.

McCartney is a really... They're both... Cool one. He's playing all the instruments on both. And Ram is the one where he was, like, really figuring it out. Oh, there's an actual ram in the photo. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He was in Scotland. And McCartney, that song, the first album has a... Yeah. Baby I'm amazed. Yes, that's a last one on. It's got a lot of, like, it's got junk. Yeah.

The junk is a great song. Every night I just want to do. It's got all these like... Yeah, now, I want to... Hold on, just real quick. I want to hear Simon's Hellberg's take on this, right? This man right here, his name is Alex. He's a photographer.

He doesn't like that. He says that... Is it Lincoln Park? Yeah. Has more of a cultural relevance in the world than the Beatles. Is that... That's what he believes. He's shaking his head.

Yeah, yeah. What do you believe? All I said was hybrid theory sold more albums than the White album, and I was right. Wow. Wow. I don't know what hybrid theory is. I don't either. I don't either.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you're right about that. Is that Lincoln Park? You got to check it out. You got to check it out. Is it a double album? I think there's an extended version, too. Oh, a director's cut.

Yeah. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that doesn't make anything good or bad. But if one believe that Lincoln Park was better than the Beatles, just hypothetically, right? Would that person be wrong?

You know, better is a, I feel like I have to allow people to use that kind of subjective thing. Because better is, it's just your opinion. I don't know Lincoln Park. I don't think that I would like them more. And I don't, I wouldn't guess that they've impacted people or certainly not culture as much. Yeah. But that is also okay. like there are many,

there are many, there are many, many, I hate what you're doing right now. I hate what you're doing right now. You can't yuck his yum. I'm sorry. Yucas yum? You can't yuck as yum.

But then you know like, you go like, there's a lot of, okay, so like there's the whole, I've never heard that. You know, the whole like Lou Reed and even Bowie,

they all, they didn't like the Beatles that much. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of like, yeah. And I heard the stories and I hear it out. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Although there is a photo, a photo of, McCartney, Mick Jagger, and David Bowie kind of making out and stuff. That is different. That's different. That's different. You don't have to like each other.

That's different. Yeah, yeah, yeah. To do with music? They're just hanging out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The theory of them making out is they got so many girls that it turns people gay. Have you heard of that theory?

Yeah, but that's like a... That's Charlie Sheen says on his documentary. Yeah. Like when you've seen the whole front of the menu, you have to flip the other. Yeah, yeah. See, I've heard people say that, and I always, it never makes sense to me, and I always felt like that's not true.

Yeah, look at that. Look at them all three together. But then I realize it's just that I can't imagine actually getting to the point where it would become boring. It's sort of like talking about being a sex addict. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. How are you a sex addict? Right. Like that sort of like saying, it's like saying, I'm addicted to winning the lottery.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, you can't choose. You can't choose, right. But some people can't. I think that they're just... That's actually Lou Reed. Okay, I know, Lou Reed, Mc Jagger, and Dave a boy. But Lou Reed was...

You and I will never be in a photo like that. No, that's you, me, and Ike Barry. Yeah. We got so tired of all the girls we were getting. When I did that seven episodes, then... Well, so, yeah, but, well, that's, they're just, that's just friend. Yeah, that feels friendly,

But I mean, there's the story of like... I heard different. Nick Jagger and David Bowie sleeping together. Yeah, yeah. And then Lou Reed was gay, right? Yeah, yeah. Was he? I think he was...

Yeah, yeah. And right behind them, if you could see the Lord, there's a body there. That's the basis of Lincoln Park. He can't get in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He can't get into the circle. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

More people, if you Google Lincoln Park, that's what comes up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's more popular. More people see that hand than they see the three of that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a cute picture. That's a cool table, though.

I like that picture. I would love to be at that table. It is cool. I wonder where that's. It's also, look at that mullet that David Bowie. Yeah. That's what McJagger's, he's like, he's making fun of it to Lou Ries. He's a moot here.

Yeah. Is that a Lurie? No, that was more Mick Jagger. I was saying that moot. Yeah, that's your McJagger. Yeah, yeah. That's why I got fired from it. Yeah.

No, it wasn't. You had great impressions. I had good impressions. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you get fired from there? No. Oh, my God. So my contract wasn't.

Hey, yeah, no, I didn't get fired. No, no, no, no. Well, I mean, I didn't renew. Wait, oh, sorry. I saw Park and I thought it was Lincoln Park. No, no, no. I slowly realized. Don't get scared.

We're just like everywhere in the videos. Just on the way back home. Propaganda. Just listen to something about. Yeah, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you heard of Lincoln Park before? I have heard of it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I love the work particularly when they started hanging out with the Maharishi and then they... Yeah, back then. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so I'm sorry, Alex. Sorry, yeah. But every time, you know, me, we get a smart guest, I'm going to bring it up.

Somebody that knows about music, I'm going to bring it up. You can't, don't pit us. Don't do this. Don't do this. You don't know him. I love him. He's a brother. What?

Are you mad? No, I said, yeah, man. You said I was your brother. Yeah, yeah, we're brothers. We're brothers and I love you. Like a brother. You know what I mean? Like band of brothers.

I'd go to war with you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's this? That's what you're doing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, sorry. Yeah, it was very confrontational for your brother. Yeah.

If you got drafted, would you go? No. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Either would. But that's easy to say.

We're also, what, you're in your 60s now? 75. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, even if they said 60 is the draft, you know, I mean, I think I would go so, I think I would dodge it. I'm on so many medications. Would that be a thing?

Oh, maybe. What's this? You are in a lot of medications. What is this? It's going pretty far right now. It's the Thailand. Klau knows what this is. It's the Thailand military draft.

Yeah. So they actually do a lottery live in front of people and they live screen. And then it's a lot of, whoa. It's just work? It's, yeah. Monks are involved? Everyone in Thailand.

You have to do two years? Oh, my God. Oh. Oh, it's terrible. I'll go gay. Red means your draft. You'll have to serve military. Serve in the military.

Black means you're free. And how active is there, like, how active are they? I feel like this is like American Idol. Yeah. Look at that. I think Netflix bought these streaming rights to this for the next year. No. I think so.

Really? They're like, you're going to Hollywood. Wow, that's, that's a. Is he going or not going? Like, why are you dressed for him? Because I think it's turned into like full pageantry. It is. It's so Southeast Asia.

As a Filipino, I know it's not Philippines, but this is so Southeast Asian COVID. Okay, turn it off, turn it off. It's kind of sad. Yeah, it's very sad. I would be useless in a war. I don't think so. Oh, no, I would be absolutely. I'm a coward.

No, but I think he would be strong and like a fox. You'd be very like. I'd be in the trees. Weasley. Yeah. Oh, in a hole. Eating trash. Like a raccoon.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd be in a dumpster. You'd be smart. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would survive it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You try to get out, right? Yeah, I mean, I don't think they would...

It's not comfortable? I don't think they would come for us. I know. But if 60 was the limit, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hypothetically, yeah. Yeah, I think it would probably force, like, it could force a really nice movement

to actually take place. Because it would be such a legitimate, it would be such a legitimate threat to people's, you know, the status quo. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think there's a good chance that people would organize and be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we're out, yeah,

but I'm not hoping. And me either, me either, and I think that you and I would be poor. I think, yeah. On the battlefield. Yes, poor on the battlefield. You know, we wouldn't get any ground. No, I don't, and I think.

Like hamburger hill. It would be fun to be like a jester in the world. Oh, yeah, I'd be gesture. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll wear whatever with that hat. Yeah, that would be good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You and I both, and we'll do a show. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You could put feathers on your body. Oh, yeah, like that guy from Coachella. Yeah, you couldn't even run in Coachella. How would you get you right out. That would get me out.

You'd be like, I couldn't run to Interpol. You'd be like I missed Interpolkism and my knees. Yeah, that's my excuse. Yeah, yeah. But your polyp-free, his colonoscopy was clean. So I think you have to go. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I had a colonoscopy last week.

You did? Yeah. That was it the first time? It was the first, yeah. And it was good. Well, they said I'm polyp free, and they said that I have no cancer. Oh, that's awesome. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you know what's so funny? I go, I'm going to laugh, you know, when they put you in anesthesia. Yeah. Right? I go, put on a song. And I'm going to sing the whole song. You're not going to put me out. Oh, you thought you could.

Yeah, I thought I could do it. Sweet Nothing by the Velvetin Underground. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I go, oh, sweet. And I woke up. It was half a second. I go, oh, sweet. It's done?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It got me out. They give you propofol. It's the Michael Jackson. Oh, that's why Michael Jackson loved it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't, because the act of falling asleep to me, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

Do you think of you sang a Michael Jackson song that you wouldn't? I don't want to die Yeah Because it's like There's some weird like Holy Jean Yeah in the matrix Yeah yeah

Yeah yeah You're just like It's like the only way to fight against the propofol effect Like like knocking it out Because I feel like he was on it A lot And a way

Like he was on it and rocking right He wasn't always just like knocking himself out Yeah the doctor was giving him Propafall every day Right so he like built up A tolerance to it That is crazy Yeah.

Yeah, well, she's the nurse. You can tell you what pro football is. Oh, not a nurse, but you did some training. But football is an anesthetic. It's actually better than the anesthetic they used to use because then you could just, you bounce back quicker. So that's why they use it for like short procedures like Holonoffel. Yeah. And my asshole didn't hurt at all.

Oh, wow. But your prep was also incredible. Yeah, his prep's always. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the worst part, right? It's the worst part. Because the thing itself is, like you're saying, you've never done it.

You sing a little velvet underground. No, I've never. Do you know what the prep is? Well, yeah, relative. Well, tell me that. It's like a saline. You just drink salt until you shit your brains. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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You can. But that's what I yelled at your sister for. My sister's also a nurse, and she took care of him. And she said, don't eat. And then when I looked it up later, I could have had a light breakfast. Light breakfast. What's a light breakfast for you? A hard boiled egg.

Can I just say the reason she said you can't eat is because Bobby usually wakes up at 4 p.m. So that's not. You can't have a light breakfast. Oh, I see. Because you're working? I have nothing to do. What do you mean wake up before? Because you're working.

Like, this is sleeping hour right now. Really? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What is it that you're doing? When do you go to bed? Right now, lately about two. And you sleep for 14 hours? No, I think lately I've been, because I have things to do.

Like, when I have things to do, I'll get up. Like, tomorrow I have to do something at 1.30 in Santa Monica. So I'll get up at 12.30. You're not going to get to Santa Monica. Wow. Yeah, at noon. And if you had nothing to do, you would just be dead? No, I would wake up at two or three.

That's like a cat. Like cat's like, yeah, yeah. It's like 23 hours. Like one more hour of a cat sleeping is a cat. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah. As of late, I've had busy, like, what was the two weeks ago? I was Monday through Friday waking up at 7 or 8 and getting home at around 8 or 9.

So I can do that route as well. Okay. Good to know you have some verses. And I did an episode, a couple of episodes of that show on Netflix. I can't talk about it. I don't know why. They told me to sign an NDA, but I did a show for Netflix. And, you know, all the Thai military draft?

Yeah, I did the thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or pink robe as a monk. Yeah, yeah, whatever. And I did that. But, you know, call time five, I'll get to bed at 11. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But if you're, but so you're, but you're, but you don't have anything to do, you're just, you're sort of like. Well, what else is there to do is what I'm asking. I guess sleeping until 4 p.m. though is so excessive. Like, if you go to, that's still just, you get a lot of sleep is what you're saying. You get like lots of hours of sleep. You, you, you log a lot of hours. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah, but why do you think that's unhealthy? Oh, it's, well. Why are you so surprised by it? Well, you, to wake up at 4 p.m. Yeah. Is surprising. Why? because nobody

doesn't Oh nobody doesn't That's why Oh that's why People like people who work the night shift Do it maybe Yeah yeah yeah like I would imagine if you were like in an ER or something

Yeah right right Like that the pit Yes Night shit at the pit I would imagine that But then when you're like No it's just I got nothing to do And then like what time do you go to bed

You're like 14 hours before I wake up That's like Okay But as cat knows right I'm at the comedy store pretty much every night. See, this is what I was wondering. So you are working. Well, sometimes I hang out longer than I should be there.

Yeah. Like, you know, I mean, kind of hang out with friends. Maybe 11 o'clock tops. Yeah, but then the ritual. Of going to bed. You know, everyone has a ritual going to bed. Am I not right or not? Raise your hand if you're a ritual.

Yes. No one's going to raise their hand. I'm not raising my hand. Okay, you do have a ritual. What is your ritual? Yeah, what is your ritual to go to bed? Oh, I mean, it's, well, it's not that, like, regimented. You know, it involves like I take these vitamins, I brush my, it's not that crazy.

No, I want to know exactly what it is. You take what kind of vitamins? Well, I want to know. I want to know what supplements. I take a couple magnesium. What kinds? Oh, this is a good one. I know there's different kinds.

It's not the kind that makes you have to like shit in your pain. It's not the citrate. No, it's the other one. So just to like take to relax a little. The glistenate. Yes, yes, the glistenate. Okay. I take, let's see, there's like a garlic mushroom immunity thing that I take.

Every night. Yep. Okay. Two of those. All right. There's a, oh, an NAC that's supposed to be very good for, like, anxiety, because I take Prozac. Not embarrassed to say that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Love Prozac. It's the best thing ever. I'm on Lexa Pro and Ritalin. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so, yeah. So, yeah, so this, the NAC thing is supposed to work in conjunction.

I can come. I can't come. Really? It'll come back. It has, today I did some... Oh, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It came back.

It came back today. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, let's move on. Wait. No, how long have you been taking those things? How long have you been taking... He's only. Oh, so it's new.

It's new, yeah. So the not coming is also new. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you come for the first time today? No, I've been... I have to concentrate real bad. Okay. That's what you...

Like, like that face. Like the idiot by Dostoevsky. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I have to, like, concentrate real bad. That helped. So reading Dossiowski. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or whatever of his books, you know what I mean?

Yeah. Notes from the underground. You know, I have to concentrate. Right, common punishment. That's the title name. It's a great book. Common punishment is a great book. Yeah, it's underrated by Doste.

Yeah, yeah, that always gets you. Yeah, yeah, that gets me. Yeah. Wait, so then NAC and that's it? Yes, and then, you know, Yeah, and then I brush my teeth. I wear envisaline at night because I apparently, after you have braces, you're supposed to wear, like, retainer for the rest of your life.

Yeah. So they don't really tell you. I feel like they literally give you a retainer, and they're like, bye! And then 30 years ago, bye, and then my teeth were, like, back to being kind of funky. Yeah. So I wear the envisaline. And then I'll put, like, sometimes I'll put some cream under my eyes. What kind?

Yeah, what kind of? Yeah. haemorrhoid cream no I just the like the eye cream yeah like a eye cream yeah but now I'm trying to switch it my wife says that the Korean spot like Korean face care is like the best

so now we are the best yeah so now I just got out like literally as of a few days ago I've got all these different Korean things creams and stuff that I have not opened yet yeah yeah yeah well you gave me a bunch of creams for my birthday or something I did Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because you were using drugstore for a long time and you were getting the boils. Yeah, I was getting the boil. Wait. Like, I had boils on my plate. I had my boils? Like right here around his nose is what he gets up. Oh, but do you remember on Mad TV? I wouldn't have brought this up.

No, no, no, what happened? Except what are the odds that someone right now is like, Bobby, Bobby Boyle! No, no, wait. I don't remember about the boils. So at one point on Man TV, I remember. Yeah, yeah. And you set, you were into the bowls of drugs. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I didn't really do drugs. You never did any drugs. No, no, no. I think one time I took, not with you, though. I think one time I took like a value. Oh, yeah, yeah. Someone at a party during the Mattavita. And I was so funny.

It was just like knocked me. It was probably from me because I had value. Maybe it was right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe it was from you. Yeah. But I remember, yeah, at one point you were like, you took off your shirt, which you often did.

boil under your arm. Oh my God. Do you remember this? I'm sorry if I'm embarrassed. Well, we used to date for 10 years. Oh. Yeah, yeah. So she knows the point.

Oh my God. The armpit boil. Okay, so, okay. You guys date it for 10 years. Yeah, but not to hijack your armpit boil thing. So when I first met him, it must have not been that long after Mad TV because he had a permanent blackhead in your armpit and it would, remember the stuff would come out and it smelled so bad and you had it for years.

It was my pleasure. Wait. Is this the thing? face you make when you're trying to come. Do you remember it was my favorite? And oh my God, every three weeks I would just

pop this thing and it was like my, I would get so excited. I love that. Did it, is that the thing? Do you remember? It just looked like a black hole. Yeah. And it was a forever like pit of just like

in the pit. Yeah, yeah. Like the pit. I think that's where the It was, yeah. And then what happened? It shrunk down to a black hole. I miss that thing. Yeah, and black holes don't last forever. Black holes?

Now you're Stephen Hawking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And at the end of a black hole, there's a white hole. But you were proud of it. If you go through a black hole, there's a white hole at then. You're proud of it. If you want to go Steve Hawking, I can go Stephen Hawking. Yeah, no, I believe that time.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You have a crazy memory. Thank you for remembering that because then it jog might. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I remember you beat, like, there was a point I think where I I beat it. think where I knew you were had been taking drugs like and you were I think trying to stop or like it was around the strokes time I remember you yeah yeah yeah you said what happened you you told me

what happened yeah and people were worried about you yeah and then I just do remember there was a time where you did take your shirt I feel like you took your shirt off in a funny way and you were like look at this look at this yeah yeah yeah I remember being yeah concerned but then I heard that you you know yeah yeah yeah the boil went away and the black I could show you my armpit right now live on camera. This is not live, but like on camera right now, and you will not see a black hole. I can, congratulations.

Will you look? That's not that high of a bar. No, but I just feel like I'm being accused. I'm a boil factory. Can I see it? Yeah, you can see it to see if there's any black holes. Yeah, I think, you know, I believe you. No, no, no, no, look.

Why are you so defensive? Here he goes again. No, no, no, no, no. Oh, you're tan. He is tan yet. Simon, do we see anything for the audience? How big are we supposed to, how big? Come to a little closer then, Kat.

Things are looking up. Yeah, things are looking up though, right? Right. Pat, do you want to look at the top left corner of the right armpit? That's where it used to be. Yeah. That's the left, left pit. Oh, left pit, left pit right there.

Yeah. That's a black hole? Yeah, I can touch it from that. You can probably still pop. Okay, all right. You should talk to Netflix about the pit starring Bobby Lee. The pit. It's still there, wouldn't you know?

That's so cool. It is so cool. It's old cella cool. Yeah. I guess I do have a black hole there. Yeah. Yeah, but you know what? It doesn't smell. I think that's what really disturbs me about what you said.

No, but it's like anywhere, you know when you, like, do, if you've had your ears pierce and you have the ear cheese, it smells like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just like any area that's just sitting. That's good on a cracker. Ear choose. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe put that out. That's not even fun.

Keep it. That's not even funny. He also is in his armpit, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, here's the thing about Korean armpits. I don't know. Can I throw you a fact? Please.

Yeah, yeah. That we don't have the glands for odor. Not a lot of you don't. Some do. I don't. Is that true? You absolutely do not. I do not.

He has zero B.O. The vigorous nod over there. Wait, you don't smell at all? No. No. Koreans, we don't have that. So I've never bought deodorant before in my life. Is that why you think I smell weird?

ABC11, Gene. Yeah, I have the ABCCC. ABCC. You don't sound as smart as you did before. Behind every black hole is a white hole. Yeah, yeah. I don't have every ABCJ. Yeah, I don't have that.

That, is like blowing my mind. It is, yeah. Not just Koreans. Like, a lot of Asians. Like, my mom has zero. Odor. But I got my dad's, yeah. Yeah, because you're half white.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And what is your mom? Filipino. Yeah, yeah. Just zero sense. Do you have odor, cat? Yeah, 100%.

Yeah, yeah. I got whatever that is not. I see, I see. A, B, C, C, 12. Do you have odor, Simon? Yeah, I mean, I think it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I have this thing where I have a very,

I have like no sense of smell. From COVID? No, I, I don't know what, and no one can tell me what it's from. Since you were a kid? Yeah, like I, I think I used to have like a kind of, of a little bit more of a sense, but never great. And now I'd say probably like 80% missing.

Oh, whoa. But I can taste. Oh, you can taste things. Clearly not probably as well as, but I also have that thing, you know, that they call it like, what is it like Atlas tongue or the, you know, the geographic tongue? Yeah. Yeah. And I don't know if that's part of it.

The geographic tongue is like when you take, I have a geographic tongue where it's just very rough. Like, look at his tongue. Oh, I see. That's rough. Yeah. Yeah. Is that fully extended? Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, no. Sorry, you don't want to back up. Uh-uh. Yeah, yeah. It's not about the length. Yeah.

The marking. It's got like the ridges. You got the ridges and stuff. Yeah. So I feel like you can taste good or no. No, no. I think that's also part of what's, and maybe it's connected.

And then if you go to like an acupuncturist and you do that, they're like, whoa, Jesus Christ. Because everything they can tell is like by the tongue. Yours is very smooth. There it is.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Whoa. So I don't know if that's connected to my senses. And then, of course. Because they look like they have little countries. Yeah, yeah. No, okay.

That other stuff is brought. Dude, that one to the love looks like the straight of Hormuz. Yeah. Yeah. That's amazing. Not open yet. Not open. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. It's a timely tongue. At the time of this recording. It'll still be closed. But anyway. Kyla, do you have that as well? A little bit, but not as like deep of your ridges. But I do, I don't have a smooth tongue.

Some of that is disgusted. A lot of that is not geographic tongue. No, right. A lot of that is. Oh, there it is. The one on the right. That's kind of what my tongue. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fine. The other ones are like, yeah.

Threatening. The other one is threatening. Yeah, yeah, it's threatening. Like, see the tongue right there to the right that's above Simon's tongue? That one, yeah. Click on that one, please. That looks like a, that could be a lot of things. I know. I really.

No, to the one. Yeah, that one. Yeah. Yeah, that looks like balls. It looks like balls. If a woman would have to be incredibly beautiful. for me to kiss her. But you wouldn't know that it looks like that.

Yeah, you wouldn't be like, show me your tongue. You open with tongue. You open with... Yeah, yeah, yeah, at the first day, show me your tongue. Yeah. Like an acupuncturist would. Yeah. Right.

Well, I'm Asian. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah, they see you. Well, yeah, you're showing everyone your pits. My what? Your pits. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're like, show me the tongue. I've never even thought in my life that I've known you, like, even considered your tongue. I appreciate it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. never thought to myself, wow, Simon Elberg has a... Do you have FOMO because you cannot, if someone's like, do you smell that?

Yeah, so I, yes, I really do. It really does kind of suck. Like, I feel, and I, you know, I can smell like a cologne, sort of momentarily or a perfume or like a coffee, like the first moments of it, but that I cannot, but then it kind of goes away. And then I can't pick out, like if I walk into a house and something is burning, I don't smell it.

Wow, that's so interesting. How about the LA fires? Did you smell that? I could smell that like when I walked outside But then again, it's like, it's just very bad It's like very obstructed Because in your area There was some fire

Yeah, that was the worst part about the fires I couldn't smell it It's tragic Oh yeah, yeah, imagine So tragic. Yeah, if you were blind, you're screwed Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah It was a tragic day for me

Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, I don't know what it's about But, you know, and then on top of it Because I've got such a pronounced nose It really add like there's an irony And then it feels sort of bad Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, when I say I can't smell, people are like, oh, I thought you were making a joke.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, of course you can smell everything. Right, right. Nope. I've never noticed your nose. I like your nose. Oh, yeah, it's very stoic, presidential. Wow.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, like on a coin. Oh, on a coin. Yeah, oh, yeah. Yeah, it's a good coin. That's President Helberg. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, it's good. It's, yeah, my odds of ending up on a coin. Yeah, yeah.

Did you get your nose from your mom's side or your dad's side of the family? It could be either. It's a compound. I think my mom, but it's pretty rough both sides. Do you do big noses are attracted to other big noses? No, but I think some people... What's that face? That felt like a black person joke.

Oh. In what way? Oh, shit. In one way. Look out. Are you going to play a song? No, I'm not going to... It's not even on.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. In what way? Nothing. No, no, no. Don't do this. No, no, because it gets really quiet whenever I say that. Oh, yeah, yeah. It wasn't...

It had no references to black people. I think it was a Jewish thing. Oh. No, I don't think it was a Jewish thing. Oh. Oh, sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love the Jews. Okay.

Yeah, yeah. But do you like black people? I love black people too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love everybody. Who else has big noses? I've seen a lot of, like, Mong, have big noses. You're saying, you were saying, do big noses?

I feel like I'm being trapped in a corner, and I will fight my way out. Get out of this conversation. No, no, I'm not going to get out because I need to fight my way out, all right? You've been drafted. Were you trying to say, were you making a point about like, do big nose? nose people, like, are they attracted to other big notes? I know that this, okay? I want to, I know this.

I, when I look for a mate, they have to be the opposite. Yeah, so I think, because, like, so my nose is, like, I feel like I'm insecure, or I was really insecure about my nose. So then I feel like there's some sort of allure of something different of, like, the, of somebody with a, like, a perfect nose is like an alluring thing. But then, but I think, like, my wife, that she has a very French. No, it's not like a tiny nose, but it's really like a lovely. And then, but if you go, like when I've gone and traveled around like to Brazil, I remember there's like an exotic thing about a big nose or big eyes or very.

Yeah, yeah, very exotic and very beautiful. It's hard to see yourself clear. I love big bucks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. One thing I wanted to say back to Coachella real quick, and I haven't talked about it. It's something that I can't just thought of just real quick.

Speaking of noses. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It has nothing to do with those. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't want to spark any controversy, and it's something that we can cut out if you want, right?

But, you know, during the performances, there was a, for the deaf people, the sign language. Right. Yeah. Who was that for? The deaf people. Oh, I see. Oh, I see.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You really set that up. Yeah, yeah, I really set that up. Yeah, yeah. But you feel that it's not. not. I just feel like if I was deaf, you know what I mean? I wouldn't go. Right. Right. I can see what you're saying. Yeah, but you know what? Everyone has a right to go. Yeah, but there's so many degrees of deafness. It's true. The hearing impaired can be, it's a vast scale. But also someone who is a fully like, you know, someone who is also fully deaf could possibly want to know what's being said on stage, even if they can't hear music. The lyrics still matter. They can feel the base. They might want to have super. she in a tent. I see, I see.

Okay, that's all I'm asking is a question. I answered. And you answered and you know what? Guess what? You won that? Thank you. But I think, yeah. You won that?

And I learned. And that's all. I wasn't saying anything bad. You know what I mean? I'm learning from you. So apparently, back to the big nose thing. Apparently, because of just the... Wow.

You mentioned this to me before, Colila. That women are talking to with guys of big noses. Yes, exactly. So I know, like, the last decade, like, men with big noses have realized. That's that monkey. That's a certain kind of monkey. Yes, this is a primal thing. But, you know, how a lot of...

That's not you at all. Women feel the pressure to not have big noses. I feel like men are like, we can have big noses. This is an attractive trait. So women, like, have gotten a lot of, like, nose jobs, say, for instance. But they're saying that 2027, things are starting to, like, take a turn. And now it's like, women. women with big noses is just going to become like a thing because everyone's just so sick of the nose job look.

Yeah. It's all looking the same. It's all the everyone's starting to look the same. I also hate it. I've never thought, oh, she looks better. Yeah. Ever. I've got a good nose. It's like a perfect little nose.

Yeah, it's a little button. Yeah, it's a button. I think it's just like a proportion, you know, it's proportionate to. Your face is so proportional because you have a long face as well. Thank you. Yeah, yeah. But you're into that. You're into long face.

If you were a woman, Simon. I would be your... Yes. But you guys dated. Yeah, but see, I have a nose. Yeah. Yeah. So he's into long...

He likes chin, jawline, and nose. Okay. Yeah. I wish I had more like jaw, you know, chin and jaw. Yeah, yeah. Is that really balances out the... No, because I'll tell you why you wouldn't want that. Okay.

Right? Because you're so castable. Oh. I see why you dated this guy. No, you are. You are. You're very castable. Castable.

because of my... Because you're a great actor. Thank you. Right? But also you have a great look. Okay. Great hair. You have great hair.

You're like, yeah, you're smart. You're a great actor. You have all the things. Now we're getting somewhere. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can cut the rest out. Yeah, yeah. We've always been there.

I've always thought that you, I mean, you know, I mean, look at your resume. I mean, you're a very castable person. You were always very nice. And when I was, I was drawn to you because I go, this guy is funny. Yeah, you were so nice. Yeah, you're a very funny guy. and you had a cool look and you have all the ingredients

to be, you know what I mean, a superstar. Well, you're very kind. You always were very kind. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think, Kat, you have a good look as well. I do, too, Kat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you don't.

I do. I mean, I'm not attracted to you. But she has sort of like a cartoony look that I like. Like, if I saw you on a show, I'd be like, oh, this is going to be a funny show. Yeah, I'm not attracted to her. I'm not attracted to you, do look like Yosef?

And that is for me. Well, when you watch Monsters, Inc., do you go, oh, they're somewhat attractive? You think I look like Mike Silowski? No, no, no, no, no. But you know what I mean? Like a Pixar, whatever, whatever. No, you have a sitcom-y look.

Okay. Yeah. How do you guys know each other? Just AI says you are highly castable. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very castable. It ran the numbers.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, good. Yeah. You probably test well. Yeah. Yeah, because you have a friendly face. Okay. All that stuff goes into...

Did it say something about notably with Quentin Tarrantino? I've never worked with Quentin. Yeah, but even AI... You think that you're Paul Rust. Yeah, no, exactly. Yeah, they think that you're Paul Ross. Or BJ Novak. Oh, BJ Novak.

AI has even gotten... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. Yeah. We need... Wow. Yeah. I thought AI was just foolproof.

Yeah. Seems like we're... I thought we're going in a great direction with this AI. This AI bullshit, this Chachipiti bullshit, I hate it. Just kidding. I can't even read anyone's captions anymore. When you ask Chachibiti any question, it plays down the middle so hard. Yeah.

That it drives me crazy. That it mistakes you for other Semitic-looking people. That's how down the middle it is. It's like, I don't even want to commit to who you are. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's really. Yeah, it has no logic to it.

Yeah, yeah. It just stays down the line. Sometimes I use it for, like, help with mental stuff. Oh, that's real. So, you know, I'm not saying this as a segue. I'd be stupid if I didn't segue. Because the show that I'm doing now... Are you plugging a show now?

Well, I am saying this because it is an insane segue. You just, you set it up. I'm on a show called The Audacity that's on AMC, and it is about the toxic little bubble of Silicon Valley. And I play this really socially stunted, brilliant genius, who's sort of peaked young and now is like living in the valley as a pariah in his garage developing this AI companion that he wants to put out into the world to help like alienated teenagers. Wow. Basically like a therapy bot.

Yeah. And it's such a, it's such a. Where are you on the poster? I'm, oh, I'm in the top right. Oh, you can barely see your face. Can you zoom down or no? But it's actually, that's B.J. Novak. Yeah, yeah.

But it's such a, it's such a, like a prevalent thing now that, because also no one can afford health care, which is just tragic. And then everybody's like feeding their fucking all of the darkness and all of the secrets into the computer, giving it to them. Yeah. But I don't really care if it knows. But does it help? Sometimes, like yesterday I used it and I vented and I, you know. Really? And in Chachy-B-T.

Chachy-T, yeah. And it just told me. Like what kind of questions would you ask it? Yesterday I was like, should I text this guy? Like, it's been a few days. I don't know if I should text him and I should really focus on my career right now. Text me. You never text me back.

You're the worst person to text if I need a help on my mental health. That's not a mental health issue if I should I text somebody back. Yes, it is. No, it's limerence or something. Oh, limerence? Limerence. Let's talk about that. Isn't limerence like an obsession?

Yeah. So isn't that mental? Health stuff? That is. Yeah. I just want to use that word. I just want to use the word. I think that's called gas lighting.

Yeah. That's called gaslighting. Yeah. That's called gas lighting. No, you dummy. Okay. Okay. Yeah. So you, and so two days, you text them

and then you don't want to talk about this? Relationship stuff. Yeah, I just texted like relationship stuff. Yeah. But he didn't text you back for two days. Yeah. You know what that means? I can tell you.

Yeah? Get out. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because he's out? I'm just saying that if I really like a girl, you know what I mean? But I still want to play the game. What?

Listen to this. He's actually telling the truth. Okay. Okay, if I like a girl and I want to play the game. Unless he's like cast away on an island and he just doesn't have his phone, like two days. Go ahead, Bobby. Okay. I feel like you're about to, it looks like a dead.

Are you about to cry? Why would I be crying? I don't know. What is going on here? It would be so cool. Yeah, that would be so cool, right? Clippable. I mean, really clippable.

So what I'm saying is that if two days go by, he doesn't like you. Okay. Okay. If I wait, probably, if I'm trying to play the game, like, you know what I mean? Not be too needy, you know, but also play cool, but I really like her. Maybe five hours. Five hours? Six hours, maybe.

Oh, no. Yeah. How long has it been? It's been three days. No, I mean, how long is it? How long have you been seeing this person? I saw him for like a month And then I messaged him

And then he didn't message me back So then I messaged chat GPT And I was like Hey, it's me What about this guy? And he's like Oh he's Chad Chubes Like he's probably busy

Chad is this is where you're right Chad is wrong Chad GBT Chad GPD Chad Hey Chad What are you doing tonight Yeah

But yeah Is he in the Amazon No, he's in Burbank. Oh, he's in Burbank. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So you have to tell ChatGBT, GBT, like, do you have to describe the situation, like the circumstances and who this Kai is?

Yeah. Because if does ChatchapT say something like dumb, like, is he in the Amazon? No, no, because like if he really were... Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, I'm sorry. Yeah. I apologize, right? No, yeah, I'm going to fight against us.

Okay. May I fight against it? Can we just skip to the part where I let you win? No, no, no, no. It's not a win and loose thing. I'm just saying that some guys, the kind of guys that she likes. Oh, what? Okay.

Right? Are skaterish? That was one guy. Okay, but I know what they dress like. What's that I have to do to Amazon? Yeah, because a lot of the kind of guys that she likes would probably go to the Amazon, right? To the skate parts. And study.

There's no skate part in Amazon. Are there? Yeah, in the middle of the Amazon, there's a skate part. That's the only person. You two horigomi goes there. Okay, great skater, by the way. And the future of skateboarding. But my point is, Jin Wu, that's another skateboarder.

But what I'm saying is the kind of guys that you date, just based on the data that I have gathered, are guys that probably would go to the Amazon and explore, like, you know what I mean, primal villages and whatnot. So should I just keep waiting for...

But what does he do for a living? Well, he's in between jobs right now. Oh, so yeah, you're out. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he doesn't have an excuse. And you tell Chat, GPT, that? Do you say?

Yeah, I was like, this guy, he's, he's nice, but doesn't have a job, hasn't texted me back. Maybe he doesn't have a phone plan. Maybe that's what's going on. No. Okay. I pay phone I would have. Yeah, it's by hook or crook.

Okay. Like, if a guy isn't to you, I feel as though, like he'll find a way. But also, do you tell chat, like, we've been intimate this many times, we've seen it, we've been on this many dates. Do you go into that detail? I wonder if you did what the response would actually be. If it would be more specific. I think, yeah.

Well, right now, chat chit is just giving me hope when maybe there's no hope. I have heard that that's a common chat. Yeah, yeah. Because chat is positive. Right. Is it chat or chat? It's just chatthew. Chathie McCona.

Yeah. We can't be that far off from you saying like, my name is. giving your name and giving the name of the guy. And then AI just pulls all the real data from both of you guys. It starts to actually do that. That's where we're heading. You also have to like connect you to the government and their information. So it's just going to be like it's going to know all of your like issues, all of your spending, all of your.

And then you give the name of the guy. And then it starts to be like, oh, okay, I can look at literally these two specific people, which is a horrifying thing. Yeah, but I think we are heading that. At the end of the year, last year, I asked chat what my blind spot was. Yeah. And it told me my blind spot was being on chat and asking chat too much. Whoa. It told me that I was very anxious about like medical stuff around my baby.

Yeah. And it was to let go of that. Wow. Like, oh, weird. Yeah. Wow. Wow. Yeah.

Like nailed it. Okay. So, yeah. So he's not going to text me back. I'm sorry. That's what you took from that? Yeah. But can I say, may I say this, though?

What? What? I'm castable? No, no, you're castable, right? And number... And number two, I believe that you're a rising comedian because you wouldn't be on this podcast if I didn't feel a certain thing about you. And other people have said the same thing that are at my level.

And I think that you should focus on your career. Okay. Because there's a very important time in your career. And you can get Dick later. Okay. No? I'll tell chat. You can't get dick later? Oh, no, you could yell out a window and get ten dicks flying your way at any time.

Yeah, the girl, of course. I'm imagining that you're her parents right now. The worst advice. But this is exactly. It's the worst advice. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're being yelling out the window. I need ten dicks.

How did you guys meet then? Did you meet doing comedy? So she's a... I mean... Okay, so I'll tell you how it works. works. If I may. No, please, too.

Well, I mean it? How it works. I just ask that you guys. Well, how, tell me how. In the stand-up comedy. Yeah, yeah. And you're a stand-up. Right?

I am, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Very funny stand-up, okay? So I already did Detroit. It went really good. And I already did Indianapolis. I was really good. Thanks for coming out.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, real great shows. I was there, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll be there. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. So she's opening for me.

Oh, amazing. Right. So it's like Anne Ramsey, without he's opening. And so what you do is you covet, like Buffalo Bill in silence of the lamps. Yeah. But you don't covet in like the skin-taking part.

That's nice. Right, right. It's very nice. You covet like what's rising. It's like the stalks. Yeah. Right? And so I stock it out, right? And I go this person and this person is rising. I'm going to grab them. I think it was more comforting when you're talking about the

dicks. Really? I'm going to grab him. He's like, only serial killers and death. No, no, no, no. What I'm saying is, let me re-rured it. Yeah, yeah, you're like, you're mentoring. So, Ramsey Badaui is this Persian dude that's very funny.

Okay. You're right. He's a Palestinian. He's Palestinian. Yeah, he's not Persian. And he's not here. Yeah, he's not from Iran. Yeah, yeah.

He's not even a stand-up. He's not a real person. He's not a real person. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so he's a Palestinian comic. American, right? Very funny. I think he has a future.

I think Cat has a future. And you go to the comedy clubs and you see young comics go up and you go, you ask them, will you open for me? And they always say yes. And then, you know, Rams, you've been on this podcast

and you make bets on people's careers. You know what I mean? Yeah. And so that's why Kat's here. You know what I mean? So it's like... He put $2 on my... Yeah, I can see.

Yeah, yeah. So what I'm saying to you is that, you know what I mean, it breaks my heart when you're focusing on the wrong thing. That's my belief. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Do you or no? No, I do get it. I just, I feel sometimes like in stand-up it can be very lonely. You're going to be lonely forever. Stand-up is a lonely business. Oh, it seems so lonely. I'm furious.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's hard. It feels like it's like super isolating, especially now. So you're like, oh, it's nice to like maybe try to have a, I don't know. A partner. Yeah, not a partner, but just someone. Someone there. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. But maybe no. Maybe it's just right now. Okay, well, you know, if you, okay, so what I want to say is that if you find somebody that calls you back. Yeah, I know. You know what I mean? Then I would support that. I know.

But in this particular, particular, am I doing it right? Yeah. In this particular situation, right, it doesn't seem like it's the case. He's not, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And I don't want you to be, you know, I mean, ruminating about a guy when you should be, focusing on writing jokes and getting better. Yeah.

Okay? Because, you know, you started later in life. 45. You're in your early 30s when you started. Yeah. Right? And this is the time. Yeah.

I agree. Is that good advice, Simon, or no? Yeah, no, I was like swept away. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you know? Yeah, it's definitely better than the dicks. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, so, yeah, I know. I just recently saw the movie. You know what I mean? Yeah. It felt that way. Yeah, yeah. And Hannibal Lecter said that to, what's her? Clarice.

Clarice. Yeah, the speech you just gave was a Hannibal Lecter? No, but he basically said, like, you mean, you covet what you see on a daily basis. Yeah, that's what he said. You know what I mean? And he escapes the whole thing. Yeah, no. If you haven't seen the movie, spoiler alert.

Yeah. Yeah. I like your. Yeah. Yeah. But like, that's what I do. You know what I mean? But not in the Buffaloville.

But let's move on. I don't want to do Siri, Sierra killer references again for the rest of the podcast. Did you always have that focus on your career, both of you? Well, did you always know you wanted to be a standout? Yeah.

I mean, I started at 23 and once I did it, then I was like, I think this is it. But I didn't know, I was so confused and lost before that. I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. And I just happened to, there was a help one. and son at the comedy store and I knocked on the door.

Really? In La Jolla, San Diego. Wow. And then nine months later after that, I was opening for Pauley in Vegas in front of 5,000. And then people, it was like incredible. And then I started opening for Mencia a lot. And then five years later, I got mad. Oh, my God.

Yeah. So it's like... So your rise was like pretty rapid. Seven years later, I mean, yeah, yeah. So you had like a very... Yeah, you just were naturally ready to be on... Well, I was... You get addicted to it.

And it's also, my instinct is like, you know, a lot of people don't have the right ears. Right? Some people are bad and they go, I just did good. I have the polar opposite. I'm the opposite. Yeah, that's why you're good. Yeah, I mean? I always think I did bad.

I always think I did bad. Are you like that? You do a take. Yeah. And you go, I didn't like that. But they're like, let's move on. Oh, yeah. And you're like, yeah.

Yeah, and you say, can I have another one? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Do they give you another one? Now they do. and now I'm finally at the point where I, like, literally have to go into a quiet place and just allow myself to be done, like, to not ask for another take. Because I know that I could ask and I know that I would get one.

And I now have to, like, listen to, I just have to have better self-talk and more confidence in those moments. And I'm just like, they'll tell me if I need to do another one. Yeah, yeah. But it's very hard. Like, once in a while, you're like, I got to do it again. but I would just sit there all day because I never feel good.

Yeah, but on like Big Bang Theory, right? You're in front of a live audience, so you're getting instant reaction from the laugh. Yes. Right? So that gives you the confidence to go, let's move on. In that situation, we never really asked for more. It was just kind of like you could feel it.

Even if you didn't love what you did, you knew that you could tell that it worked and they were just going to keep going. And it was not, that call came from like the higher ups. Oh, right, right, right. Because it was an audience. It was like, you know, it was like a rock and roll. Rock and yeah, yeah, yeah.

It didn't, you weren't really able to be like, can I, can I just sneak back out? And, you know, once they say, moving on, it's like the fucking, you know, the song starts playing and they're throwing candy. And you're like, wow. So you've never done a scene twice? No, no, we would do it twice. But I just wouldn't ask for, like, you know, you do it two times or something. And then if, if you felt kind of like, you just, you just didn't ask for more. Maybe once in a while.

They would ask. They would like, hey, we should do it again and here's some changes. We always did it more than once because you just got to get it a couple times. And usually it was to change jokes and to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And sometimes you would change the whole scene if it didn't work. But once it started getting laughs, that was sort of the barometer. Yeah.

You know, and that was a call from like producers. That was like Chuck Lurie saying, hey, if you got 300 people laughing here, then odds are, you know, 30 million are going to laugh at home. Wow, wow. That's sort of the like. So that's like standups, right? If I'm getting a big laugh, I can feel it, right? And I can just move on or maybe add, but it's like,

but here's the problem in a single camera, because I've done a lot of singles. Yeah. Where it's like, there's no laugh. You don't know. And you don't know, right? And so that's when you want to, I wish I was at a power where I could, can I see it?

Are you at that level where you can see it? Yeah, sometimes, but I tend to not want to. I'll watch sometimes, like, just to see if it, like, actually like with the sound off, I just want to sometimes see how it looks and see what is coming across. But I try not to do that too much either. But it is true.

Like you don't know how it's going to be, you don't know what it's going to feel like in a single camera. You don't have any sense really. Yeah. Are we all making the same show or the same movie? Because it's all going to be put together later. Yeah, it's so hard.

And it does just require sort of leaning in and trusting. Because no one can laugh. Yeah. They say, set, quiet, no one can laugh. So you have no idea. idea if it's funny or not. Yeah, and then if you start working towards a laugh in that environment, it's terrible. You're like, you know, but I, that this, it's not even the, whether it's funny or not. I'm just, sometimes you're like, you just don't know if it's, how it's, you have,

there's a lot of trust that goes in. There's, there's a lot of trust. And that's why it's like, yeah, if you're working with people you trust, then you, they'll tell you if they, if you need to do it again. The problem is if you don't trust them. Exactly. I've got some independent stuff where like, that's, I don't believe you. That is exactly. Like, Exactly, because if you've got a great director and you've got a great editor, somewhere in there someone is going to say to you, like, you're great, we got what we need. It doesn't always have to feel good to you. If you're not working with competent people, it's scary.

Yeah, it's scary. Yeah, because sometimes you see it put together and you're like, that was terrible. Fucking terrible. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's hard. Is there a lot of like yes men that are like, oh, you did great, but you know in your bones that you didn't do? I don't think the studios and real directors and people that have vision are, a yes man. Okay. No, because they, it's like

they see it and they know what they want and they know what they need. So if you're not giving that, they're going to ask you to do it again. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I mean, I just did it a month ago and they were like, all right, take that line out and add this line. It'll make more sense when this person, because he just improvised this line. Right. Right. And then you kind of go, okay, and then you do it. You know what I mean? But it's like, but I trust them.

You know what I mean? It's like people I really trust. You know what I mean? Yeah, go ahead. I have a question about the therapy bot. Okay. Yeah. Wow, we're just, I love this. This is like a poll fiction. No, I, we start with Coachella, then I add Coachella at the end, right? We're going back and forth. I love it. I love it.

I never left my head. Are you building an honest therapy bot or are you building something based on your own personal experience on the show? Yeah. So in the show. I think what makes the specific AI entity that my character is building a little bit different than like chat GPT is that it is curated from his own experiences and his own set of ethics and values. It's not like pulled because chat GPT pulls from just the entire internet, right? And you don't actually, part of the problem is you don't really know what it's favoring. So you don't know the values of when you ask ChatGBT, BT, like, should I, you know, I got into this fight with my friend and should I break it off with them because they tend to do this to me or should I try? Like, how do you know that the values of the Internet or the way that ChatchipD is like, if it's pulling mainly from, you know, different classes and different ethnicities and different.

different levels of intellect, like it could be totally skewed in a terrible direction. So like in the show, yeah, he's, he, that, my character is, is like building it from the inside out, you know, as a trusted. But based on his own, like, morality, right? Yes, but which is also insane because, again, like most of these people, like all, like the, the open AI people who are like the chat GPT people are, are these, are the, are the, The people deciding, again, like exactly how the, how we socialize, how these like, these, these bots are able to socialize or what kind of cues they take, but they themselves are so

inept in that world. Yeah. You know, like these people are. Probably morally bankrupt too. Yeah. These people aren't very good at communicating necessarily, generally. And they're not really, they're sociopaths, most of them. So how are they creating the.

you know, this new way of communicating and the new kind of these entities that were supposed to like... And there's no guardrails. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just wonder if there was, in fact, like a therapy bot I could buy today

if I would use... Obviously, I've been in therapy for a long time, but there is something so easy about being like, oh, you're right there. Let me just ask you. I think there are, yeah, a lot of them are trying to develop, like, specific... I mean, I think there's... I know Mark Zuckerberg at one point was trying to...

They're all trying to do it, but it's just so scary because, again, like, they're not, they're not in touch emotionally. I don't think, you know, as much as, it's hard to imagine that we'd be getting advice from those people. It's all about the bottom dollar. It's about money. Yeah. You know what I mean? And it has nothing to do with the human race and the direction that we're going. Like, could you imagine anyone being better than your therapist, Bobby?

Wow. I can't imagine. Like you think very highly of her, right? She's like my mother or something. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I love her so much and she knows me so well. And, but I don't, I mean, I believe that one day singularity is going to happen and there's going to be consciousness. And then they're going to have feelings and they're going to, I do.

No, I know. And emotions. And they, what? The robot? Yeah, AI. Uh-huh. And then they're also going to claim that they have a soul. Yeah.

You know what I mean? And at that point, who knows? Maybe they are going to be better. You know what I mean? And they'll big little titties. Mine will have a big old titty. Cair. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

They'll have a thousand of them. Yeah, a thousand cans. I'm going to dress up like a 17th century Chinese emperor. You know what I'm going to get every color. Black, white, blue, Avatar. I don't care. Every star, I'll have a little person one, gigantism, you know what I mean?

I love the spinal epitha one. I'll have all of them. I like this thing you're representing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're all smart, and they're all connected, you know what I mean? But they're all going to have... It's a beautiful future. Thank you.

Thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm definitely going to do that. But I wonder if they have body odor. Would you have one of those? No. Oh, he doesn't have body. Why would I have AI robots?

What would it smell like? Big old cans walking around. With body odor. P-E-U. Selina just walked by. P-E-U. And Salina isn't Mexican when I said that. She's not?

No. Not when he said that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I love you, Alex. He's not even Mexican. You're not? He's Salvadorian. You're Salvadorian?

Buenos no-Noces. Yeah, yeah. We'll cut that. All that. We'll cut that out. Yeah, Selena, Mexican, we'll cut that out. But, yeah, that was crazy. So watch the audacity.

Yeah. On AMC. Is it out now? It is out now. Yeah, yeah. AMC Plus. It's really fantastic. The writer was a writer on Succession and Better Call Saul. And now he's created this show.

So if you're, you know, if you're into that kind of dark comedic. Yeah, I loved fucking Succession. Yeah. So it's got a- I'll watch the show then. It's honestly, it is truly fantastic. Zach Alphanakis, lots of comedians doing sort of darker roles. There's Zach, yeah.

Rob Cordy and lots of really funny people. being... He's handsome, that one. I hung out with him. Billy? No, the guy that was just talking. Yeah, Billy Magnuson. Yeah, Billy Magnuson.

Him and I had a dinner a month ago. Oh, he's great. He's a great guy. He really is. Yeah, yeah, you're really great guy and very smart. Yep.

Yeah, just like you are. Just like me. So watch Billy, watched Zach, watch Simon on this new show called The Audacity on AMC, and I'm going to start watching it. It's fantastic. Yeah, and you,

You know that there's a difference between now being on a show now than it was in the Big Bang theory and, you know what I mean, eyes on it and cultural impact. And it's lesser now, right? Oh, yeah. You feel that, right? For sure. How do you feel about that? It makes me sad in the same way that we're talking about, you know, replacing. I mean, I know you have your dream of a big old can lots of AI bots that smell good.

Yeah, yeah. For us, for me, it sounds a bit like a nice. nightmare. And it feels similar because we're all becoming more and more atomized, compartmentalized, and so then we don't get to have, like, you do stand-up, which is, which maybe is like the last vestige of, yeah, because you can't really, that will always be that. But the size of the crowds and your experience, like, you know, in terms of how much the appetite for stand-up, has that changed since, like, streaming? It hasn't affected that. No, because I, you know, I generally play clubs and I've always sold out clubs.

You know what I mean? Rarely do I not sell out a club. But now I'm doing theaters. Okay. Right? So now it's a little, the game is up. Yeah.

I mean, and, but they're still selling very good, you know? But I, for me, it's like, every choice that I make is, I think of,

I feel bad about the people. You know, I mean, people are like, I drove three hours to come to your show, and it's like, you know what I mean? And if gas prices are,

what they are. It makes me feel bad. Of course. You know what I mean? I think maybe the appetite for stand up to your question, like for me as like someone who's just chronically online is that it can exist in so many different clipable like formats on like TikTok, whereas like big shows cannot, right? It's like that was TV and it can live there and there only.

And then now you have 50 million other options on streamers. But stand up, I think, has only maybe blossomed. because now you can consume it in, I mean, everywhere. Right. On TikTok, on YouTube short, it's on Instagram. My fear is, will it event, will podcasting eventually fade away? Because this is like, you don't think so, George? No.

To get into podcasting now, you're up against a different beast. Because everyone in their mom has one versus 10 years ago or 12 years ago when we started. This has been 11 years or whatever. Yeah. So my fear is that this is going to go away. and then if this goes away you know then I just have stand-up and if stand-up goes away

you know what I mean the little bits I do in acting is not gonna you know I'm but there's all these fears but my point is is that you know what I mean why do you look like that because I just think I'm empathetic

but I also think that they're I think I saved enough money for me to go I'm out yeah you know what I mean goodbye but but you're saying like the act acting used to be there was a path for being

like a middle class actor doing pilots. I was just like, oh, if I can just do a pilot every year, they never got picked up. They were never great.

Yeah. But I was like, I kept getting them. I felt so lucky. I got health insurance. I had enough money to live. Yeah. Do a commercial.

It's a national. Oh, my God. That's insane. Maybe another commercial that's like a regional. Oh, my God, that's it. That's all I need to do to live my life. Yes.

So you, that doesn't even exist at all. I know a middle class actor, like a very good character actor who had to sell his house. All right. But anyway, watch the odd. on AMC, right?

With Simon Helberg, Zach. It's a great show by the Secession People. Check it out, right? Incredible guy, old friend. Support my friend. All right, goodbye. Goodbye.