TigerBelly - They Don't Think About Me

Episode Date: March 8, 2023

Aloha! Bobby Kuhn has a message for his "friends". Khalyla Lee is on her way. George gets the walk-off music. We talk grippy vaginas, buff assholes, and Thursday seafood. Check out Gilbert's Arthur Meme Anime Fight!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Belly add free on Amazon music download the app today. I Like it. You like my boy. Let's not talk about let's not open with buttholes, but have you ever heard of a Barbie butt? Yeah, Bobby I've heard of an American girl, but okay. Well, let's compare the two no from the American girl store I pulled them down once they have no, but I go to the American girl went to the store I pulled out little trousers. There's no, but well, that's exactly what a Barbie butt is So some people need to get their assholes shut Because their colons are diseased and so they have to now get a pouch to where their Intestinal contents will exit so there's so many atrocities in the world health-wise. Why do you have to bring that up all the time because?

Colons disease is a real line. There's all kinds of some things AIDS a Bola a Bola There's gay Bola gay Bola. That's West Hollywood. Does that it hits? That's just West Hollywood. Oh, but um Yeah, I don't want to hear about the atrocities right now man because we're in Hawaii. It's a good atmosphere It's island fever. It's good man. So let's get you're here John. Yeah, John. It's the best dude I like sitting next to you at dinners, man You know, I'll tell you why man. Why what I'll tell you why I like John. No, yeah, because um, I Like making him laugh He laughs at the right moments and it's not forced he's generally he's a genuinely a good laffer

That's how I feel about you when I get a win out of you Yeah, and I say something that genuinely makes me makes you laugh. I'm on a high for the rest of the day Yeah, there's a little high to getting you to laugh really especially if it's like a cackle like, you know, we've had those you and I I love all you and I when we're in the zone. Yeah, when we're in the lab zone. I love it It's the last time when you guys think it's better than heroin. I imagine yeah, yeah He and I like can't breathe. We're like on the floor crying. Yeah There's not a lot of people I can get there with I can get there with my brother. Yeah, I can get there with Colila Andrew Never I've never gotten there with him. Is that all acting on the podcast? I've seen you like cackle on that

No, it's different. It's a different kind of cackle It's literally like and it's usually an inside joke and that only him and I get yeah His is a theatrical cackle. You hear that Santino Santino I do three act theatrical cackles with you which means that like, you know in a scene I can laugh and I can cackle right even though I don't even know what the fuck is going on Mm-hmm. I mean, that's what the Andrew I don't know what the fuck is going on. You know me but with Koreans It's just like Peter Kim. I can get there. There's a cackle. Yeah, even

Dumbfound it. Maybe interesting. Yeah, I can get there with those Koreans, but Because Peter Kim is a dirty one He's a dirty fat ugly Korean and I love it, but you forced him to look at your penis tip He's also he's also got the hottest husband in the world exactly I don't understand. It's one of the wonders of the world. Really The Great Wall you have the Great Wall and you have it, you know, I mean you have the boyfriend Peter's gay boy. No, I'm just saying it's like and I bet you money, right either Peter's boyfriend is the all-word. Yeah

Which is what rectum strong? No, that's the word. That's the word. That's the word. Yeah, he's rectum strong. He's obviously rectum strong. Very rectum strong When you work with when you work With the muscle and you're exercising it. Absolutely. My butthole is like he's never been to the gym almost My butthole like if you analyze my clothes, oh that dude has never used that except for poo One use only. Yeah, there's no it's just it's just sad. Yeah, if you see like You know lands basses, but I'm pretty sure it's like, whoa, look at the muscles on that thing It's like a sea urchin

Assholes can get buff. I think so You know, it's like it's been through a Purple heart let's just say that you're a hero. Yeah, it's been through some wars All right, it's you know, it's smoking but we'll hear it's got an iPad. You know, that doesn't necessarily make sense I feel like we're getting trouble. I feel like we're in trouble, but I think I imagine like the pussy safe for instance Oh, I've seen some of the more you use it Like the tighter and stronger it gets and the more the bigger the the more efficient the gorilla grip Like when I think that's the opposite

I think you've been throwing that fucking theory out For years, okay, and I believe you I believed you what is the kegel? Is it not a muscle? It is and if you're constantly getting taking a dick in and it's constantly doing this on the dick What is that muscle doing growing and getting stronger and getting grippier? Right Jesus? What you're saying is the whole vaginal tube is a muscle. It's a tube I think it's a we call it. It's okay. Whatever you want to say vaginal walls. It's not a tube If I looked inside it, right? Yeah, and I didn't see the vaginal lips Yeah, so you just a photo of just the two insides subway. It's a subway to a tube. Yeah, okay, hence

Where were you thinking? Yeah, what are you thinking of? I mean, it's a woman tell us like like where you put posters inside like a little poster and what is a penis? Yeah, a poster You know, I'll name something it's a chamber Yeah, of secrets. It's a chamber. It's a Harry Potter It's mystery Because when you go in look at it, you there's so much going on the fallopian tubes and what else you know the kind of Juices that come out of there. You think it's pee. It's not right. You think it's but it's a discharge

Hmm. Oh, he knows the word right. It's a discharge. It's odd discharge. Yeah, I'm not just this charge You know discharge and I have to say something. I'm gonna say something gross, but when that stuff dries, it's crunchy and it's delicious Let's just throw it out there. Anyway Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I go down there It's great. It's like it's like a it's like the What do you call it the um, what's that candy that's like? Candy it's a candy listen to the game. It's it's a brittle. Is it brittle? Oh, it's peanut brittle peanut brittle I love yeah, and a female's discharge when dried. It's like peanut, but it tastes like yeah shit

Not brittle. Is it the crunchiness anyway? Let's move on. It's I'm not a scientist but anyway, welcome to another episode my point is is that it's a Chamber of Secrets and And I'll just let some let me reiterate. I don't want to talk about buttholes anymore, but a Gay man's butthole is a it's a normal butthole and let's just I don't want to get in trouble It's all the same. It's all the same. Oh, no, can I just say about the vaginal because um, I don't want to be mean But I hooked up with somebody right. Um, the stinky one. Don't say stinky Don't say snag her. Okay, unique unique the unique one right and I just I think that your theory is wrong No, why I and we'll talk about it later. I think your theory is wrong. Yeah. Yeah, it's kind of okay

Yeah, I don't I don't I think I feel like what you're saying is that if I stuck my penis in a virgin's vagina Yeah, and then I suck my penis and somebody that's an average somebody in their 30s that has average sex Okay, I'd be able to feel the difference. I keep dude. Let me ask you. Do you think I'd feel the difference Okay, so everyone's vaginal anatomy is very different in the same way you guys have different penis sizes So it's really hard to tell you get a virgin who his anatomy is a little bit wider. She okay whose Anatomy is a little wider set like that's why like I'm not a size queen like you can hit the back of me Do you know what I mean hit the back of her? Oh, you're saying the the tunnel is not long or the chambers not long No, and I have friends who are super petite who like are so proud of their extra large vaginas that like extend to their throats

Because they're size queens. I have a friend who honestly weighs 80 pounds and she's the most petite girl and she was like I can take The most massive dick. It's never ending. Hello, yeah She's not the girl you want to end. I don't want to be I don't want that don't ever introduce me that person Okay, hallelujah, you're right, and I you know It's a mixed bag. It's a mixed bag and since when I'm playing Hogwarts legacy, you know, it's like when you go to Zoncos We don't what's a song? Or is that what it's called a candy shop store candy shop candy shop chocolate frogs when you go to Zoncos, right? Chocolate frogs you could eat you could yeah

You could eat something the very small right and it could just you just don't know Chocolate frog like if they sold vaginas, yeah, right in Zoncos, which is something that they should sell Right magical. It's magical. That's it. You don't know what you're getting so you can get a small one You eat and you go. Oh, well that was much larger than you know, I mean Anyway, let's Just did a Hogwarts vagina. It's at Hogsmeade. Yeah, I have a dilemma. Can we start the show first? Oh, yeah Yeah, okay, so um five four don't do that. We don't do that now. We won't do that You like doing that it feels good to start it up because it's your brand and also

Yeah, my brand to countdown from five well you two you have two things that you do in the show, right? You do the countdown countdown in a voice. Yeah, and unhelpful advice voice. Yeah, so that's your thing It is my thing. Yeah, I mean, I don't want to take away one of your things. We keep my thing in Can we do the countdown please? Yeah, I feel like that's why you did it. I gotta do it. Okay. Let's do it You feel good, I feel great. I feel needed very good. Welcome to another. What do you what? Just a tiny sip. I'd never drink coffee something right now last night you did some the same fucking bullshit Oh the rice we're at the restaurant, right? There's a bowl of rice in the middle of the table I scoop rice onto my plate, right? Then you eat the rice off of my plate closer. No, it's not that you write your own shit

Man, it's in the middle. It wasn't even that far man. It was too far It's not it wasn't far at all man, and I'd give you the thing I just so that don't get these are other Diet Coke's you have to learn a lesson your own fucking Diet Coke It's family style. Here you go. It's family style code. Here you go. Thank you So welcome to another episode of Tiger Belly. I You know I had a food thing. I had a virus a food you're saying that it's not from the food I ate I was in New York City. It could be from the food you ate. I shot one day on a Thursday and Oh, so it's like

Oh Can I just talk about craft service? Yeah, they can be good. We'll tell people what craft services. Oh, yeah It's like, um Craft service is an area when you're on a set or whatever and they have candies and whatnot, right? And they have pretzels and just things that you can eat fruits. You know, I mean, it's like a zonkos. It's like that's not like What you describe zonkos No, if it was zonkos, I'd be happy. Yeah, I mean, there's no jelly beans or nothing Yeah, and so, you know the the craft service on that show sex in the city

I've seen better. Okay Yes, but there's another thing that they do and I've never seen this before there's a little Asian man. He's so cute I forgot his name. What what are you walking away for? Okay There's a little Asian man that every 20 minutes guys. Do you want something to eat? Right, does he go to your trailer? Yeah, every goes every trip. What do you want to eat now? And he'll give you like a list of eight things, right? And you go chicken tenders

Caesar salad and a chicken soup or whatever, right? And whenever it comes I Opened the box and I just put it in the trash can Why it's not good. Oh Why do you keep ordering from him because there's those because of the craft service? I don't know where else to go. I want to know so I'm gonna say it was Thursday. I need all day long. Okay What were the options? Well, I I'm pretty sure the fancy ladies on the show don't eat it either They have a secret thing that they do SJ doesn't eat crap. No, they have they have their own food. I

see You know me. It's like fucking avocados and mangoes. It's just like delicious shit Pre-cut right and I have this chicken tender. That's fucking you know, I mean So hard, you know how like the the crust has over crusted the chicken. Yeah, and the chickens all dry stream Yeah, don't like it and I look at the fancy girl ladies on the show and then hello and they're eating their fucking mango shit Anyway, so what happens is Thursday? I'm like, you know what? I'm not gonna eat any of this shit What I'm gonna do is if I wrap right on time I'm gonna race to the hotel and I'm gonna get the restaurant there. It's delicious at the hotel

Yeah, I shouldn't say this right now because I love that hotel. So yeah, no a different hotel. Okay. I went to a different hotel Different guys. It's a different one Trump Tower love it. I wanted one of Trump's hotel. Yeah in Soho Okay, that's where I stay the Trump Tower in Soho and I go there and I get the seafood platter Yeah, I'm you do that all the time. I love chilled seafood platters. You know me so good But what I didn't know the secret And then after I had I ate one I had four hours of straight up

It's not even diarrhea because I wouldn't even it's so liquefied It's I wouldn't even consider it diarrhea. There's no shit in there. It's just fresh food No, fresh seafood. So you ate it. It didn't even get like But you know my body went let's turn that into liquid and let's put some fire in it Right. Yeah, like my stomach, you know me as a trickster just like they would see at zonkos, right? and You know, so I'm not kidding you. It was literally like Like for four hours straight of zonkos, you know, I mean seafood juice with fucking, you know spice

Okay, so, you know, David King my bud, you know David King the Jew You mean the creative little Jew that we know yeah, Esther's boyfriend. Yeah, Beyonce Never get married You know, maybe you never know. You know that, right? So don't say that again And she shouldn't change her name to Esther King until they get married. It drives me crazy. Do you tell her that? No, she's Esther King. You know, yeah, so you told her that I said that okay Well, I'm gonna bring it up on the next show. Yeah, bring it up in a few rates. It infuriates me I think it has a great ring to it. Esther King and it will when they get married

You don't change it. Don't you know what? I'm gonna change my government name. There's nothing to stop me I'm gonna be Kalilah Lee Wow, she's gonna take your name without your permission. No, I don't make you feel I don't sign off on it But you don't have to what oh, you know, I'm said I'm gonna change my dequeen. Okay. I'd be happy I'll change the dequeen. Yeah, because I don't want the same last name as you right now I would in the future right now in this moment now, you know what I'm gonna change it to cleanly. Oh, yeah Yeah, let's cut cleanly. Yeah, um, I think I just know where else you can go. It's okay. Zelensky In honor of Ukraine, I'll be Bobby Zelensky Bobby Z. Bobby Z. Can we go back to diarrhea? Yeah. Yeah, so um fire spice

So I get I get the them to deliver a Little secret emotium AD. Love it. Right. Do you got it from Dave? No, I got it from a delivery from it's New York Yeah, I mean they rush it over. I take four of them. Oh Jesus, right? It stops the party from going my stomach's going shot it down. You know everything. Yeah, the cops come everything, right? and then for two days I Slept the whole time I Went in and out of consciousness

That's how sick I was Wow. It was Devastating and so you're saying oh so and then later a New Yorker was like a buddy You don't eat fucking seafood at on Thursday. Hmm. I wonder why because they get their shit on Sunday They go to them think about John they go to the market on some of the restaurants So Monday Tuesday Wednesday Saturday, you're fucked. I also wonder it don't get scallops on a Saturday in New York But also it's like was this a specifically a seafood place or they just had seafood on the menu? Because that's my my thing is I'm not gonna see food at a non seafood place. Where was this steakhouse? It's a fancy place It's a fancy place known for seafood is

Well, let me ask you this friend. Um is Is boa known for seafood? No, it's a steakhouse. I would never order seafood there Good point. I Would never order a good point seafood there. Yeah, would you rather eat at Red Lobster or Boa seafood? Oh, that's a good Honestly, yeah, Red Lobster All right, I'm gonna ask you another one. You're wrong You're wrong, you know where I get my seafood, right? Where do you see a restaurant that says so-and-so seafood you already know I don't want to give it away because it's my favorite spot

Okay, what about this? Let me ask you this. Would you is is bubba gum better? Oh Oh There we go. That's good. That's it So that in your face the likelihood of me getting sick at bubba gum probably less And I said they're churning out seafood much faster. It's not kind of so they get it in gigantic Quantity, I'm not a restaurateur. I don't know how their process works, but I just assume if it's going out fast They're probably replacing it fast I'm not gonna go to a place that's had their seafood there frozen for anyway

A long story short. Okay. I almost died. I Did FaceTime you most I yeah, and That was at the end of your sickness and I could tell that you were really struggling. You also looked slimmer So I believe you you know and then guess what happened What so I canceled Saturday night my shows at the cellar, but then Sunday I had to go to the cellar to do Bobby Kelly's podcast and when I showed up the cellar And I love them so much, but they go how come you cancel last night and I go I had food poison and they go pussy

Pussy so I guess in New York, you know I mean if you're in New York comic They do stand up, you know I mean in any state Because they're real men they're real comics not this guy Maybe they just have buff buttholes wreck them strong wreck them strong New York You know, I love the gays a lot I um I'll tell you why because there was this guy Mario can't own me, right?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, and he's on sex in the city. Is that the really handsome guy? You showed me no, no the other ones are men. Okay. There's multiple men that are oh, no arm is not gay Oh, I'm inside. He's from Iran or whatever. Is that gay? Is everyone from Iran gay? We're talking about down in the comments blows Yeah, we don't know we don't know. I've heard stories. Yeah, I mean, but I'm pretty sure no But the other one Mario can tone is gay. He was a comic from the 80s. Yeah, and all that stuff, but um I just think they are their fingers man

Long short. No, it's so well manicured Mm-hmm their fingers, you know, I mean and I you know hide mine on set because everyone on that show is so fancy you know, they they're just clean and and They talk about things. I don't know anything about Well, they go they were talking about place. So I go, um, oh I heard the plan does and this pissed everyone off and just just scared me out, right? I don't know place

So so I go well, I heard that play because I was trying to get in the car with hamlet in What did you say I go hamlet? I go hamlet 10 is good And they're like what and I go hamlet 10 And they go you don't mean Hamilton. Do you? Sure do you should have doubled down. No. Yeah, because the guy That's it that started hamlet 10 Hamilton. Yeah, Marin Lin-Wen Mel some black man fancy black man was there. They're blacks, right? Yeah, he's some fancy black man. They go. He's the guy hamlet hamlet's Leslie Leslie Leslie. I don't know fuck

I don't know man. Yeah, he's great. Wait, so you don't hello. Yeah, hello. You know, I mean, that's what they do Hello, you know, I mean I go fuck off Yeah, I mean, so I don't know nothing. I don't know what wins is it wins. I'm just Through I don't know. I don't any kind of play. You know, I mean, oh and then oh Mario Kanton goes Well, you never saw Some of what's an Asian place. He's like Miss Saigon. Yeah, that one. Yeah, we'd lay us along. Yeah Yeah, I go. I don't know anyone from there From Saigon, but anyway, um, I don't anything about plays and I don't belong in that group

You know any wait, why do you have to? Okay, I Don't think you have to know All the plays to be friends with someone who likes plays Like I when you when you're with that level of like, you know, I mean, they're all from Broadway They're all from Tony. What's to Tony? They get it. They get the award. Is that is that a thing the Tony award Tony? Who's Tony though? Who the fuck is Tony fuck is Oscar? Who's Oscar? Who's any of these people?

I don't know who Golden is. Is it a dog? My point is this okay, I don't know who these people are the crit these war wars, right? But I don't know anything about it. So when they're you're a Tony person, right? Yeah, and then you you go Hey, you know, I mean, let's talk about diarrhea. Okay, but that's what I'm saying It doesn't fit right, but I feel it doesn't sit well you and that situation they all talk to the same people the Tony people You were the board you can bring them into your board exactly I swear to God that you said Hamilton and you were like, hey, my butt's on fire. Everyone looks at you Oh, I already did that. I tried every check in the book

But I'm saying are don't you think they're bored of hearing the same shit over and over again from each other? Let's try this an area. I love that Paul and Hamilton said what did you think about Hamilton? I'm who you just be Sarah Jessica Parker George is raising his hand. He wants to be Sarah George has it George wants to write a one-man play of Bobby's butthole. Yeah Okay, let's do it. You're gonna write it. Okay. Do it Okay I'm not gonna be in it. You have to play me Somebody has to play me. I'm not playing the butthole

Peter Kim. Yeah, Peter Kim is gonna be the butthole So what I'm saying is yeah, I think that if I were like a person like podcasting say for instance like Tiger Belly I don't want to talk to other people about podcasting like I would just rather talk about everything else, but it's completely different though Imagine this you're in a green room with Bert Kreischer. Tom's a cougar, right and And deal whatever right and some guy walks in who like You know he cuts grass Right and I'm not saying any I'm not I'm not attaching it to a race or ethnicity Okay, we are not. Why did you even say that because you somebody laughed in the room and I didn't say Mexican guy

Okay, I know that's rewind, okay Forget the landscape landscape architect forget landscaping. That's I'm gonna truck up. Oh somebody else, right? Yeah pizza delivery boy Sure, man. Is it a boy or man or girl? It can happen to be It can happen to be one as well, right? And that's all they know pizza hut. They deliver pizza. They walk it and comics are talking about Oh, what theater are you playing or like how? You know, how much are you charging this net? What is the pizza gonna go? Yeah, what's your favorite pizza? And you think that Bert and Theo and old Tom cigar and Logan be like, oh, let's Bert. Yeah. Oh, yeah for sure

But doesn't that get old what theater are you playing and talking about the same shit? You do all year round like amongst each other. Like don't you want like an outside? You seem to think that I didn't try we were to bring up other shit Like what did you try to bring out? Well, I try to relate to them on their level. So I go I said something like how much like the some girl was like I'm gonna might do a play in San Diego. Yeah, so I go. Oh, I'm from there. She said, okay Then I go. I don't know what to say. So I go. How much do you get paid? For a play like why did you go to monkey? I don't know. I don't know what else to say

And she goes, oh, we it's a thousand dollars. I like that salary transparency. Yeah a thousand dollars and I go I'll show that's pretty good. No, she goes for the whole thing for two months And I go and I go, why would you do that? It's highly robbery. She's like, what do you mean? I go never mind You know, I mean like those are the kind of conversations I have. Okay, let's let's walk What's so funny? Let's let's rewind rewind where let's start where she says I'm gonna do a play in San Diego What are other things you could have asked? Yeah, let's replay this outside of outside of

How much do you make? What kind of play is it? What no, no, no, no, I'm gonna start Tell me about that play you're doing in San Diego. So yeah, like March to May I'm doing this at the La Jolla Playhouse. Is that a good play March to May? Oh, is that what it's called? Oh, are you hi bobby? Oh, no, no, no. Sorry. Sorry. I wasn't clear I meant like from March the date to May. Oh, shit. My bad house and I'm doing continue. Sorry. My bad Yeah, I was doing the play out there. It sounded like a play. I'm pretty excited about it. Oh, nice

Where is it in San Diego? I know you said he's a lawyer already. You said lawyer. You're not you've never been Have you been to La Jolla? It's beautiful. It's as cold. Yeah, I know Wait, aren't you from San Diego? I've heard you're in your project. Why are you lying right now? I'm lying. I lie Why are you laughing? Well, I'm from the I'm not from there, but I live there I live there. I live there and I don't know because no because in my mind it's like, where are you where are you playing? And I don't know where to play where you would play there. Oh, is there a theater there? Yeah, La Jolla Playhouse La Jolla Playhouse. Oh, yeah, I heard of it. I've never been there though. Yeah. So anyways, what's the play? Um, you know, it's try to come back in. I'm gonna try. Of course I am.

Well, it's just really weird premise about this like giant, um, kind of like this mythical big red fish We're trying to find in the ocean. Oh, wow Yeah, basically, what kind is it? Um, it's a mempachi Have you heard of that fish? It's delicious fish. Did you omakase? Yeah, I love it. I'm sorry. I feel like there's a I feel like we were No, I'm a constant concoction. Listen, listen, I'm a constant concoction. Yeah, we've never been there. No, my point is this. Okay My point is where are you staying there when you're staying? This is your point. I'm sorry. Are you hitting on my friend? Oh, no, no, no, no, I'm not gonna go down there. I was on her. What what do you do? Hey, dude, she's not my type

Wait, I'm right here. Oh, you're not even doing that right? You keep talking to both of us like we're on separate conversations. Can I just be honest with you? Yeah, it's like, I don't know what's going on. I don't know what to say. So I'm just trying to get involved, man All right, give me a break All right, so that's what I'm saying is I don't know what to say So, you know, what I do is this is what I do. I just Don't say anything All right, so I'll and I sit like they're like this

I mean, that's a good vibe too. It's like everyone's, you know, and everyone's talking about all kinds of stuff I but then what the our guy armin Who you know, there's always one guy that's like, uh, I think he's my kind of person. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah So there's kind of armin and he hangs out with mickey rourke Because if you look up armin and he's always with mickey rourke in the photo that the first thing he did was google him. Yeah Do you do it with everyone around? Yeah, because I'm born. Yeah, right? So and also I don't because I know that everyone's done something Right, so it's like I want it like, you know the guy with the hamlet and he You know, I mean, I don't know. So I google him. Yeah, and then I go, oh, he's legit or whatever

And then you you googled that girl. There was a girl named from mrs. Sip Masala You can tell me about her. Yeah, she was she um was on a she her first movie ever was with denzel opposite denzel It's called and it was 30 years ago. It was called mrs. Sip Masala Super sweet lady, but you google all these people because you know, you don't want to feel Like you're not a part of it, but I'm literally the odd man out. I mean Even when the main women come like the two girls from sex in the city They come on right and they look at me and they go. Hello. Hi You know, I mean, and then that's the only inter that's the only exchange because I don't want to

Intrude or I don't want to say anything that's going to offend anybody. So I just shut down but this guy armin And as we're doing the scenes I look over and he goes like this to me Trying to make me laugh and he goes like this one point like that and then I laugh right and I go, that's my guy. Yeah Yeah, that's my guy We should try dissociating What's that mean? Just enter a fugue state like when I'm in like a really high stress situation. I just depart from reality I like stare off into space and I'm somewhere else. I'm not stressed out. I feel relaxed

completely relaxed Even when I'm have lines now, I don't there's no fear You know, I mean, it's like I'm completely I feel a part of it because everyone loves me And I can scream I can scream it. I like I you know, I do my screaming Or whatever, you know, yeah, I love it and everyone laughs. So I they get my personality and how weird I am, right? It's just that I I have learned over the years To just shut the fuck up You know what I mean? That doesn't sound like shutting the fuck up. That sounds like screaming

She has a point. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, you're right. You're right. You're right. That's not not in that part. Yeah, you're right In that situation. No, but you know, but I'll tell you that Yeah, because I I'll say things if I know what like, you know how comics have you know, we it's like We don't know if something's gonna get a laugh 100% of the time. So you have like this meter in your head, right? So if it's anything 60 percent 60 percent, right, I won't stand If there's a 60 percent chance, it's gonna get a laugh. I won't say it. It's got to be 90 95 percent I have a question about that. Do you always feel the need to be on then because you're like, oh, this is the comic

This is the comedian. So do you feel pressure to whatever you say has to land as a joke or funny or Or you can't just speak normally and just be like, oh, you know, I don't have to be funny in this room I don't have to stand out. I can just talk normally Yeah, do you feel that pressure? I did think I do. Yeah I think I think I need to go. I need people to think that I'm funny When they first meet them, yeah, it's just you if they don't know who I am, you know, man Yeah, but your natural self is the funnier than you're switched on self I think you think so. I mean, yeah, dude, we were dying at fucking hog and dogs last night. It would happen. I left

There's a bunch of people in line in front of us. Oh, yeah, they may be a race from the From the eastern side of the world and they were just taking so long to order So Bobby starts to imitate them, but it's also, you know, not quiet. So all you hear is something going on Rocky won't Oh, yeah, I mean chocolate cheese. Yeah. No, like what the fuck? Hey, no, I was going. Excuse me, please I was excuse me, please Can I take every break? It has nothing to do with the accent. We were a little upset because

They're asking for every flavor. So they're taking so long But then we realized we realized we were wrong because it wasn't really them Then we realized it was the thing the people that were working there because they were even worse So what flavor you want? Yeah, yeah, then they were so I was like, oh, it was in the Japanese people It's to fucking be people behind the counter. No one could understand each other. That's why it took so long I think that you're setting a great example for like, you know the start asian hate campaign Yeah, you know, you're right. I mean for me, it's like when I see other asians acting not the way I want them to act

Right. I start like I'll go hard on them more like because of like you have a higher expectation that you're people Well, I you know, I have a rule about any Anybody waiting in line to get anything in terms of food service, right? That's true because you were he was shitting on everyone because there's one couple that went up to the line That's they were waiting the whole time like us. They say, what do you want? They stop turned around and looked at the menu Yeah, and they had to spend the whole fucking time. So then I said I you know, what did I say? I go when I order, I'm gonna look at the menu, too So he turned around so I turned around I did exactly what they did right just to get a laugh from these guys

by my point though is this My point is this though is this um That um, you know, when I'm waiting in a big line, right? Yeah, what let me ask you something. What do you think I'm thinking of? If when you're what's the most important thing who's the most important person if I'm waiting in line Who am I thinking the most important person in the building or people? Um, the waitstaff no you no waiting in line Oh, oh, oh the person behind you exactly. Yeah courtesy. That's the only thing I think about Yeah, and I want to look at the person behind me and go wasn't that quick?

Oh, you're welcome. I'm with you exactly but people in front of me don't think about me They they don't think about me What are you doing think about me Think about us doesn't have to be Asian. It could be anyone. It could be anybody, but they just happen to be fucking Asians, right? No, I I I'm fully a hundred thousand percent with you. Thank you. You're the same way, right? I'm exactly the same way like I I I makes me anxious when I know I'm holding up a line She wouldn't even ask for extra creamer because I wouldn't because there was a line behind me. I like it

So I'm like, no, I'm the creamer and then I called Gilbert on my way home Do we have creamer at home because I and he was like, why don't you ask? I was like, there was a line behind me I'm not gonna inconvenience them, but probably also a little bit codependent and not healthy Um, I do want to ask you a really strange question. I don't want to I know I'm gonna listen to your question. I don't want to shy away from this topic real quick though All right. I have one more thing to say. Okay. I'm sorry. Okay Here's another thing If you're with a group

If in a line, right? Yeah order Together Pull your money together and order together Because no, no, no, no, you're correct. If you do it individually, right? It just takes fucking forever Especially if there's a line, right? And if you're like, oh, I'm sorry, you know, we don't have money What is that snake? You waited like ah, we don't know, but you know what they're like, we don't want to

Like maybe one guy has a credit card. You know, I mean, I don't know what the situation Have one guy figure it out my he did that you did that So the way I do it in my family is we always send a representative to line up so that the line isn't like eight people longer So we're all in line together. The line is longer. It's confusing We choose a credit card and we move fast. I take the orders and I'm like this this this this this I'm out, right? Yeah, but There's always I've had this experience where there is always one person like we split let's say we agree to split the bill I've had a person do this to me. Well, I didn't order the mac and cheese side. So I don't think we should split evenly

I guess that whole thing you know what you're doing that situation you cut that friend out of your life You erase their number you look them in the eye and go this is no longer the root a thing you cut the root Yeah, a stable thing. Okay. Yeah, I like that. Yeah, but I fully agree with you if if it's like at uh, let's say I'm being real You cut in my real life, but I think this is what you was. Do you know? You have a name you want to say? No, no, give me a name. I will cut. Yeah, I will cut them too Oh, so even for her you'll oh, yeah. Yeah. I don't want that in my life I don't either. Yeah, I can't do it. I can't live like that. I can't live and everyone agree. Yeah. Thank you

Yeah, I it's crazy. It's crazy. Yeah. Yeah, I don't like it The question I had for you is completely unrelated But have you ever done the racist asian pull the ice chinky move before? Yes, who hasn't if you're asian Wait asians do that too. I do it all the time I do it. It makes people it makes white people laugh when you even you do it extra and uncomfortable Yeah, so what I do is I do this one See see see class see your laugh And your white people love it and I go real thick on the accent

But see I like pushing it past You know me I do that But then they get nervous and I like that. Yeah. Yeah, I love it. See how you laugh naturally at them naturally. It's funny Why what is your no because when we were younger would there was a song involved with the different Chinese Japanese something needs and Korean Korean is you'd have to hang there would be a song related to Because you would pull it You would pull the eyes apart but in different directions. Yeah, we all had a game like that Okay, do you know that remember the song though? No, we didn't have korea and at the end. Oh, it's korea

Yeah, we didn't do that We did Chinese Japanese something dirty knees. Look at these. Yeah Yeah, yeah, and I don't know what that means dirty knees. Look at these but I think it's I think it's I think it's southeast Asian because it's Chinese Japanese dirty knees is brown Well, no, I don't know man. No, why would why would you know when I'm like, you're like, no, man No, because I've seen vietnamese people their knees are clean The cleanest knees I've ever seen So I don't that would make any sense to me and also it's what's look at these

Look at somebody google that Chinese Japanese dirty knees. Look at these. What the fuck you jumped on your phone a little too fast there Yeah, I didn't know that's because I have you heard of that John. Yeah. Yeah, usually point out their nipples when they're all look at these That's what oh that look at the knee What's dirty knees mean though? Like I think it's just right. I don't know it rhymes. It rhymes What's a dirty knees type of Asian? That's I hope so I think it's not dirty knees, but like like Chinese Japanese dirty knees like a dirty Asian Who are the dirty Asians? I think that I thought that's what it was. That's not what it was

No, I never got that from but you thought it was knees. It is knees. I don't think it is Well, that's why you're googling it What does it say? I think Gilbert's right. I don't think it's the actual knees like the leg knees Thank you. Is it it what what is it then? It's just like It's just a made-up word Well, I'm like, there's so many other words you could do. So Chinese Japanese Yeah, I mean Let's hello, please

Hello, please look at these That's better. Oh my god. You're right So the spell out the chant goes Chinese Japanese dirty knees. Exactly. Look at these. Yes There's no Korean there. No, you're filthy. I think you're filthy Filipino bastards came out with corny eyes But can I tell you when we when we said Korean you had to pull your face extra wide? Yeah, I know that's see. That's what I'm trying And that's why I'm hostile towards you. Oh my god. We're hostile towards you. I know you take over our land indiscriminately Well, discriminately Really, um, you don't complain, but the Spanish doing it. Yeah, we do. We hate them. Oh, yeah, okay

We killed Magellan. Yeah, what does this what does it mean though the thing is that it's literally that and then I think in a movie MC jen said I think there's also a lot of people do when you can look at these or look at Look at my knees or something like that that you reply. Oh, these are Chinese Chinese is it is it bad that we're unearthing? This is very common. No, this is Really? I have really good news for you. Wait his jokes man. Let me let me see something man. They're on fire right now No, it's not on fire. This guy right here. They're great, dude. And then but john last night at dinner, right?

He I don't even know what the fuck you know. I'm just stop stop I don't know what the fuck he was talking about right, but I turned to john I go wow He's a such a great storyteller like you just don't know how to Where are you going? I'm coming over here to a mic Oh, you make me a worse storyteller because the second I open my mouth I could say The you don't you're like, whoa So I have to skim through all the interesting points. There's nothing left to my story. I'm just like highlights me Look who's thinking about it me india gay bar. Bye

Yeah, there is a look that you do that. I see it's it's he gets so nervous you go I'm like, okay, what's the shortest version of the story I can tell and it's none of the I take out all the interesting parts all the color all the flavor But here's what you don't get my friend. Is there a flavor? I'm trying to get you to hit a ball And and I'm giving you a little pressure to hit a ball because if you hit the ball You make me look like a fool Oh

Interesting, right? So it's like I'm just giving you like glory, but you fail Every time That's all you don't speed it up Hold hold your ground tell the story in the batter's box. You throw a heater. No, I just do a thing with my eyes Never let me You know what I mean? Here we go. You know me, but if you throw it out of the strike, so I don't even have a chance to that's not what it is I'm giving you a lot if you hit the ball. I look like the fool and you win

I So you're helping him. I'm trying to help you. He's really I'm gonna pay attention to everybody but you podcasting with you is a high pressure sport I mean like there are times where I feel like I can relate to george because if I don't say it If brevity isn't the first, you know, if I don't he's doing it right now fight through it. Oh, so you got her You're so good at this. I've never seen her. Oh god speed it up kalilah speed it up. No he's You do feel accomplished going through it for sure. Here's what I'll say

Bobby's face is Oscar He is kind of this is just the kind of coach. He is it's like he's training you for the kumite He wants you to be the best fighter there is so it's like if you in in the past eight years haven't already figured out how to get him Like I know how to get him Now maybe not in this podcast, but like outside like in regular life I've seen it and that's where I think you need just a little bit more. You gotta go for it george. Okay. I apologize I really do I don't like that about myself. I love this too. This is another obstacle

This is a good one. See that's what I'm saying. You think everything's a trick It's not a trick. You all think everything's a trick. I feel like you're always training. I'm not training anybody I'm apologizing Okay For what is that even me? What the fuck? I can't even what are you doing now? See, that's what you get here. No, that's exactly that was fake. No, no, no, no, that's exactly I set you up. Yeah I'm trying to learn go ahead You just set me up, huh?

That was really good The one way I know to get bobby's undivided attention is to pretend I'm not listening He gets his feelings hurt really bad because he's no longer that's so not true So like and so what I do is like, uh-huh. Mm-hmm. And he's like and then he goes harder. Babe, babe You got to listen you got to listen and he wants my full attention. I just want you listen because this is a show We're doing We're doing a show. That's why but you see george You just cannot be too thirsty to like give him what he wants

And then you'll get everything you want out of him Which I will say has taught me in other interactions where I'm like running the show because of him But also this segs into my next go ahead And This is hard for me to say don't cry though because I'm in that mode You don't cry don't cry Wait, oh Last week was a fake cry or the other week

Oh people a tiktok went around by the way of that her talking about her Or she was talking about cancer people thought she was actually going to die because people clipped it out Do you remember that? Yeah Yeah, that kind of went around and I had friends and family. I'm like you're dying. I'm like, no I'm not dying my god um so it's recently been brought to my attention that um by people that I've dated

That one of the biggest barriers to dating me is that um, it seems as though I always put you first And that um, you are always a priority And um, and I feel like I don't know how to not Put you first So what are your thoughts on that? I think okay another thing is I feel like I've been groomed You grooming her dog

I feel like I've been like hard like programmed to just like Be at your beck and call like always And I don't know how you did it, but you did it You know In any every any given moment in any city There are parties going on at the same night. Okay Some parties are better than others And there's some parties

Are the parties you want to be in That's what I have to say about that So you can fuck with these little parties, right all you want, right? But if you want to go to the gala You're the gala the Met Gala. He's the Met Gala Mm-hmm. This is the party, baby And um, your little parties, you know what I mean? Yeah, they have muscles. You know what I mean? They drive trucks They make jewelry. They make jewelry. Oh, what? Yeah, they do. Yeah, they do, right? They make jewelry, right?

They're clean, you know what I mean? They look good on the insta, right? But it's not this party, dude. You know, this party is chaos, you know, it's Dr. Strange plus, you know, I mean, it's like It's the multiverse. It's multiverse. Right, right. It's like there's things going on, you know, I mean, and it's like you're gonna miss it So you can go to your regular party with the beer, you know, I mean at you know, I mean and the little dj this and that But if you want fucking cosmic fucking experiences and um, yeah Yeah, you gotta you gotta buy a ticket man, and you bought the ticket and you know what you're the smart one I think he's doing it again. I don't know what I'm doing. What? I don't know. I just bought whatever this was. Yeah, I mean, I'm like, you're right Yeah, you're the gala. Yeah, I said listen man, you know what I mean? Hello

Hi, why would I hide him right now? You know But my point is I'm not the part. Listen. All right, you can do it. I don't I don't ask you to put me in first Or is it key? He doesn't even have to I I think that he no longer has to he could just call me and be like Some this happened and immediately I'm like, I got it Yeah, but then don't do that because if I say I'm sick then you're you're oh you gotta drink lots of water And you tell me what I need to be doing, right? So don't do that from now on don't no

Now You know what I mean? It's gonna be a hard for you. Yeah. Yeah, like I'm blind like I woke up blind. I don't know what to do So just do let's it. This is it. Wait. This is you, right? I call you ring ring kalayla Kalayla. Yeah, I woke up and you know, I opened my eyes, but then I was like, are they closed because I'm blind I'm on my way. See that's one thing. No, don't do that. Don't do that. No, no, no Yeah, you heard the scenario Yeah, you're not

You fucking see that's what I'm saying. You got to get trained. She did the fake scenario wrong Yeah, you did the scenario wrong. Oh, this is No, this is what I'm saying. Do you know all right? I'm going blind. It doesn't matter. You got to let it go, man You gotta go you gotta figure it out. It's blind. Maybe could she help with is that too much? That's a lot That's something more more. Um, it's blind too much. You got it too. Um, someone Ran into your brand new Audi recently. No, I don't want to do that one because it's too real Okay, but but who did you call? You and then an andrew and then I immediately

Right. Yeah. Yeah, but I have other andrew help me Santino, right, but you didn't have your insurance information. Right. So here. Let's do something else. Okay. This is good Ring ring um Hey, hey, cookie dough. See don't do that So when you call me cookie dough, that means but you call me cookie dough. I know. Oh, that's true. Yeah. Yeah All right ring ring. Hi cookie dough Hi cookie dough everything's fine

Um, but you know, someone broke into the house last night. What? That's not good right now already. You're too invested. You're too invested. My cats are in there too. They're fine That's my second question. Are the cats fine? They're not alive, but they're fine Yeah, yeah, I mean, they're just you know, I bury them already good He did it by himself. He didn't ask I didn't ask for your favor He did it. Yeah, I did it myself. I'm on my way. No, it's don't don't you can't do it. My pets are dead But they already buried. I already buried it's done. No, like I have I'm gonna like exhume their bodies because I need to hold them one last time. Would you really? Yes

You can't do that to me. All right. All right. They're forget the cats. They're alive. All right. Are you okay? Are you hurt? No, no. Well, I don't I mean, you know, just I'm not dying Okay Intruder came in it was a ms. 13 Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah that I knew that because that that tattoos on their eyeballs And it was you know red all their eyes were red. I think they're on some sort of drug right and um, they're tattoos on their faces and um They had machetes and knives. Anyway, you know, they just started stabbing me, you know, I mean on my right leg Okay, and I was like, please senor because I you know, I don't want to I just assumed they were Mexican. Yeah

You know what I mean? Is I don't know if that's is that wrong? Uh, there's Salvador Senor Senor. You know what I mean? Salvadoran. Yeah, and they go put the book You know what I mean? And then they fucking start stabbing right? So I went to the hospital, right? But it's like I'm They're gonna take my leg off. Oh shit Oh, shit. I I'm on my way. No, you can't stop. So you're on your way. You can't be on the way You can't be on the way. I you have to support you have to support from a distance

Are you okay? I'm let me ask you this scenario, right? One of the guys you're seeing now, right? He's in one hospital I'm in the other hospital. We have the same ailment Right leg stabbed by ms. They're stabbing to the right leg right leg right leg only, right? Right, we both we all have ms. 13 knives sticking out of our legs Two different hospitals two different hospitals, right? And you don't know the condition of either one of us, right? So you have to race to one of the hospitals

Which one which one are you gonna go to? You see that you got to let that go you got to go to the other guy. He did it What that was a great way what the jet I mind trick? I just love what you just did That was so good. What I do. Well, I just saw it all happen I'd have followed by eyes because he was the whole time he was smiling. He knew your answer was gonna be but he I already knew your answer Wow, you went to the party

You bought the ticket you went to the gala non-refundable ticket non-refundable. I'm not like you can't like deprogramme master stuck for life Undo undo your work. You're my concubine Okay, yeah Okay, well, here's the good news I wanted to share with you. Oh, that's great. That's just stupid So new york times put out this article that basically says Being short is better for the planet climate and the climate and you should procreate like tall people like me and george

Um, and janna gill, but we don't know about you five nine. I'm short. Okay We should procreate with short people because they you guys are inherent Conservationists if people were 10 shorter, we would save 87 million tons of food. Why gillian gallons of water because Because of consumption of less body what the body can take. Um, yeah, you less body to feed less waste Well, we'll fuck it. Let's all be dwarves then. I mean, what the fuck you talking about? Well, I think so Yeah, yeah, fuck a dwarf and when you mate with a shorter person Let's do the campaign. Fuck a dwarf. Don't say that just say fuck brad williams So basically when you when you mate with a shorter person, you're potentially saving the planet by like shrinking the needs of the subsequent generations

But all I'm saying is you should put this new article on your dating app That would be funny. Oh, you think I should I think so So that's funny and you should not lie about your height. I don't lie about the height. What do you put? Five three. That's not true. That's not what you put on tinder. Would you put six two? Would I put it five five you put like five five six or something? No, I didn't I sort of got it It may be five five. It was like five five five four. Yeah. Yeah. Um, I'm the only App I'm on now is raya. I got banned from all the other ones. All right, so I don't know what to do I think I'm gonna get a new phone. I think and I'm gonna get I'm gonna redo it

You have to but with my real age this time, but I'm thinking now that like all of these girls who have like height requirements We're like, I only want a data guy who's like five ten and taller or six foot tall like they're they're Not great Conservationists like we should all be fucking short dudes short kings. Yeah to go Yeah, yeah, I've always thought that and then you should be fucking four foot nine ting ting Oh, I should go lower. Yeah, you keep going tall. Oh, so you have to go lower as well. Oh, I have to go lower That's hard. You That's hard

Why can I go my height? Yeah. Yes. Yeah. That's that's good. I'll go my height Your height. I can't go lower. I've never had sex with anyone lower Really? No ever. No, I just like You're not all of it on me. You're not into doggy then What you're not into doggy. I don't like doggy. I like looking at the face You're good. Yeah. Yeah. I like looking in the eyes and seeing your suffering And they're a confusion he's going to see the confusion he goes. Yeah. Bye. Yeah. Yeah, you're my concubine, you know Welcome to the party, baby

The ticket my ticket. Yeah, yeah, I like the ticket my dick to the ticket Yeah, but um So you're you're the guys that you're seeing say that though No, I just read the article. No, no the other before though. Oh Oh, so basically, yes, it's very apparent that like if you call I'm always picking up a few texts Like I'm always attending to you first. Like we're here and we're here in Hawaii say for instance Yeah, you're getting my master bedroom. I'm sleeping on the couch. You're always going to be first like your comforts um, your needs are I am

All right come first and I don't know how to like Release it from my brain It's just habit at this point. I think I think it's just like a habit that I need to break Yeah, yeah, but I don't know Well, you know, if it's but if it's causing you trouble in your relationships, then I think something we should address So Yeah, but that's on me. That's on you. Well, I do do the thing, you know my mind

So good. Yeah, I do I do my mental games. You know, yeah So claula anyone that's been hitting up on araya Well, we were at dinner yesterday and bobby um looked over at my phone and he was like, who else who else Do I have to start a war with? Here's here's a new rule What? Okay, so everyone listen listen to me right now. Okay My friends This is a message to my

friends, okay Y'all know right that colliella and I dated for 10 years Y'all know we work together. She's one of my best friends. I love her and when she's on raya And you like her shit That means you're going behind my back and doing some say shady shit if you want to start a war with me I'll fucking do the war. Okay I've been so nice to you over the years dad No, let's let's get real. Wow. I've been so fucking nice to you, bro. You know me. I like you

You're my friend, but that's shady shit. There's another one too. He's much bigger than you You can't say his name But if you're fucking listening to my friend, all right, we cool We cool, but not like I you know, I mean There's another one too. That's even bigger than that one, right? Right. There's another one that has a tv show right now that guy, right? Okay Wow. Yeah. Yeah. So that's my point. You know, I mean, it's like it's not listen

There's a respect. There's a code. There's a code of conduct. It's just a conversation too. That's all it is You guys and this is what I'll I'll say to you guys I am his concubine. Yes. Say it to the camera, though Which camera I said it. Oh, he did. Okay. Yeah I'm I'm I'm your concubine, but I you know, and this is what it is They people these comedians, right think that I'm a pushover because I'm really nice I'm a really nice guy at comedy club. I'm cool. You know, I mean I you know, I um

I don't know. I I just have this I can exude An element of my personality, which is like this kind of like what my brother does of this confused naive you know, my guy that doesn't know what's going on, but You have to remember what I am Korean, right? So I have a vindictiveness And I love revenge and number two if you get on my bad side I will war and I you know, I've been in wars with people for over 20 years. You don't shy away I don't shy away. I will fucking double down. I will I haven't played the La Jolla comedy store In almost 20 years because of one incident that happened there. Yeah

I'm fucking the incident again. He wouldn't put me up the fucking guy Ryan at the comedy. She's still there. He's still there Yeah, he wouldn't put me up one night and I go if you don't put me up tonight I'm never gonna play this room again. He goes that's fine. So I go and 20 years later. I'm stubborn as fuck I won't play it and they've asked you. Yeah. Wow. I will not play it. Okay, so Right Watch it brother talent guy though, but it's just it's you know, you know, I um There's another comic in new york, you know who's seeing um

This really hot girl and I had dinner with her a couple nights in new york But I I told My friends and people I'm not gonna hook up with her and I'm not gonna try but did you why did you take her to dinner? She um, she's cool. I was a friend. Yes a friend, right? Trust me. I mean, she's so hot that I would yeah if it she wasn't this got comics ex-girlfriend You know what I mean? But I it's a rule. I can't do it. But you still took her out to dinner not to like be like Kind of check you real quick, but you took her out to dinner and you acknowledged that she's very hot hot and that you would I would of if the scenario was different. Yeah, but you still took her out on a date

No, I had dinner with a with a comrade You could say how you could call it whatever it is. Yeah, you still took the girl out. Did you pay? Or did you split the bill? Okay, and did you say hey you want to hang and did you make reservations? Yeah Uh-oh Same thing What if I don't have any intentions of fuck? That's the same thing. No, I don't think you have intentions to fuck because you already know

She probably wouldn't exactly What makes me sad It makes me really sad So that took a turn You're I would say Enigmatic leader So I cross the line I cross the line. Yeah, it's like you double standard is what it is. It's like

Okay, are they that this is a comics ex-girlfriend What's the difference Bobby I don't you went on a date. What's the difference if these guys just want to take me to dinner? Knowing that she won't fuck them, but they want to fuck you that's a problem, but you already but I okay same scenario I won't exactly You're right. It's the same It's the same thing. You're right. Sam you got up to yeah. Yeah, you got me You got me there. They got me. Yeah. Yeah. I think it is

Yeah, it's a different city. It's okay, Bobby. Thank you, George. That story told us I was so good So riveting Okay, okay a scenario. Yeah, if she were to say Hey, Bobby, can I go back to the hotel with you? I really want to suck your dick Whoa, your head your head rolls out so fast, dude Dude, what the fuck? But that's not because I do or don't I'm playing Hogwarts Oh, like that's right now the number one priority. I'll switch it up. Hey, Bobby Like you really you want to come back to my place. I really want to suck your dick. No, I won't I won't tell anybody

I'm gonna tell you this. All right. I'm playing Hogwarts legacy. Hey, Bobby. I want you to come to my hotel I want you to play Hogwarts legacy why I suck your dick My friend's gonna play Hogwarts with me and he happens to be sucking me No, no, no, that's just what she's saying Oh, I thought that you were I thought you were playing you. Well, why did you say why did you greet it? What I agree to give her I'd rather have you suck my dick when we play Hogwarts than have it. Yeah. Yeah. All right, my bad What next let me do a character

But you're your voice. Yeah, I'm like, I can't my buddy I thought about it. It's like Okay, yeah, yeah my bad Yeah, okay. Um, I think you're right and I think um your dirty scoundrel just like all of them Really? You think I'm a dirty scoundrel for that? Huh interesting. Yeah What you're crucifying people for doing something. All right, let's back up. You're right. Let's can I back up now? Do not give me away either. Don't be like you can have her don't say that because I was gonna release you from the contract

I'll give it concave mind contract. Okay. What you want me to release you from the concave mind contract? I feel like this is like reverse psychology. I know I was I saw him do it. He's doing it again Yeah, because it's like what you already know. I want to be your concave All right. Okay. You can stay on you can stay on front of Whatever What what all right? Well, we want to wrap it up. Yeah, all right. Uh, this is not an unhelpful advice But this is a clap back from the slept kingdom. This is from our buddy gf He just wanted to live the space up our last episode

He just wanted to live bob, you know that there was a completely blind asian person that one master Master chef and it should be noted the guy who finished the second place lost her and I think he killed himself six months later The episode where you said, you know, blind photographer if you're a blind photographer is like You're just not a real thing. Yeah, it's not a real thing or That's I already know his argument. I already know that's the winner of master chef was a blind vietnamese woman who in gordon ramsey said It's the best food on the show. Yeah, unfortunately. Can I say something to you? All right? Um You know his name is when you when you eat food you don't do it with your eyes

Not if not if they said a cut if they said a woman that was born with no mouth You know what I mean one master chef one master chef. I'd be like, yeah, all right. That doesn't make any sense He can't taste her food, right? Yeah, so that's completely you know, I mean I thought your argument was going to be different. Well, I think my argument was going to be It's the same shit you hate an american idol where it's like I think they're only pushing these contestants because they have the disability story It does help The story helps but still

I'm pretty sure that if she Came to my house, right? I mean, how would she do it though? We'd help her. Oh, we'd help her. Okay There's ways they live in this world. I don't know how they You know what I mean? Like she's supposed to be at three, but it's like 430, right? She can't read her and look outside and she's like in the front Just walking in a circle

Oh, it's good. Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, what's her name? Uh, let me see. I don't know her name is Let me look it up. Yeah Well, forget it the joke's over Yeah, yeah, it's too long. You're undefeated in this argument. Uh, christina christina. Okay. What's the joke's over? I couldn't it's not well, let's try it No, I There's no way it's always good. No, it's about me yelling at her to get in the house. Okay. Yeah. Oh, would you say christina? How what the fuck are you doing? Why are you so meat?

Why are you meets the white person that's walking in a circle? It's about to cook you a meal. Well, she should have people, right? Bro, blind people live by themselves. They do. Yes Okay All right, I don't I don't know much the idea that they just like stay in a dark room walking someone like collects them No, I've seen them like, you know Walk around and stuff with the stick. That's what she does. That's how she walks around the kitchen She does have to ask people though. Am I holding she does do this in the show? Am I holding a pepper? Am I holding a potato? Stuff like that

She's asking another question though When a blind person Let me When a blind person is living up by themselves, right? They you know make like interior design goes out the window, right? They don't care about them. They don't care about wallpaper or like, you know, I mean the photographs of the wall, right? It's just like minimalist Like bad, you know, I mean more feel right. I want a nice couch very nice

Or you know what they could like those kind of walls that you like with the panels They like texture on their wall so they could be like, oh, can I get you know, those we have the green room Yeah, the green room The downstairs the green room. Oh, so you have textured more. Well, I'll do I'll do something even better put braille on the wall for what How about braille braille wallpaper, but what does it say? It has to say It describes the book or whatever, you know You know this you know this book is the sun also rises or whatever

You know I mean Hemingway, you know, I mean this other one's the bible. You know, who is um, I think we should have a A blind guest next. Oh for sure. I don't know Bobby has beef with a blind. I don't have I don't have beef with no blind Let's bring Christine Haw. Oh, yeah Yeah, the winner master show. No No, no, no, no, no, no, no Because they'll have to bring it up. It's uncomfortable Because I I I do these as jokes. I know they live good I didn't live but they know how to do it live good. They have beautiful houses. Everything. You know what I mean?

They're just jokes, man. Yeah, you know Interesting the blind Yesterday we were at dinner Um, we were talking about whether or not amber herds, baby is Elon musks Um spawn, right? And then you said that if you were to see amber herd on raya That you would you wouldn't swipe right? I don't find her attractive

Not even for this story No, she's oh, I mean she's I think because of the craziness I don't like crazy You don't I can't deal with no. I can't deal with like that kind of crazy Oh, like litigation on tv. Yeah, I just I I don't know anything about the poo, but it's like I don't any poo involved. Wait, you love poo Yeah, I like poo, but my poo isn't purpose. It's accidental poo. Not rage poo

Yeah, it's not pooed for as a weapon or a tool Not right. It's like I shit my pants. It's poos for good. Not for bad. Yeah. Yeah It's bad for me when I had to clean it. That's another thing. Don't clean it next time in that forget. I know I hired Jenna Really? Yeah, she's been cleaning your poo for five years Yeah, but I don't find her attractive amber herd. Yeah, okay, so it's a definite no you Gilbert No Now you're married, but you also even if I want a hypothetical. I think you do. No, I would you would I would

I would like a one night stand. Yeah, I'd fuck anything. I'll fuck her one night. Yeah, George Kimmel Oh, yeah, one night John. Ah Yeah Johnny Depp stayed with her after she was crazy for a long time There's gotta be something there. Good. You know what it is? No, I can I make an argument though. She could be fun There's you know

When you're a celebrity like Johnny Depp and a sex symbol, right Eventually you can get anything you want, right? So then you I think you look for the other complexities and craziness Right, it's like imagine being the fuck anybody you want at any time anywhere in the world And he's been able to do that since his early 20s or whatever, right? By the time you're 50 is like, yeah, I suck frog dick You know what I mean, it's the only thing that turns me on bitches. You know what I mean, you know what I mean

You know what I fuck a llama frog. You know what I mean? I like you you go you're going to be steely. Whatever. You know what I mean You get bored like like army hammer. Yeah got bored. Yeah, he went into how white guy. Yeah. Yeah, that's my point Yeah, it's I'm glad You know what I mean? I was born the way I am It's a challenge still And it's a miracle when I get it. That's a good point for us. It's a miracle when I get it Normal sex is still amazing. It's still amazing. I don't want it ever to be a

Well, this is the reason why I don't use sex toys I haven't been watching porn is because I don't want to keep Upping my requirement to come so it's like I want missionary to always get me there I want a simple, you know You know masturbation sesh to always get me there if I start adding these things I'm afraid that like I'll always want these things So it's like keep just I'm fine with the basics Anyway, so what did we learn today?

A lot a lot so much. Anyway, thank you for listening Also, where are we recording from? What's up slept kingdom I hope you enjoyed the podcast a little bit of self plug for your boy flat flat aka me gilbert I've just launched a brand new martial arts MMA combat sports action cinema channel here on youtube if you're into that kind of stuff Please check out the link down below in description Our first video is a little fun mash-up of taking the arthur meme and turning it into an anime once again That's a link in description for osu! media

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