TigerBelly - Tom Segura & Bobby Lee’s Villain Era

Episode Date: January 28, 2026

Comedian Tom Segura returns to the studio. We chat about Bobby losing voice for his special, comedy guilt, steroids, world racism, platoon casting, Tom's dad, and freak injuries. Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial and start selling today at www.shopify.com/tigerbelly 

I don't talk to you Bokka teurra. Don't talk to him much. He's a big star. He is? He is? What the fuck? Oh my goodness. I've heard of you, Bobby, but I never heard of Tom Cigora.

He's confident. He's confident today. Tom, Tom, Tom. Hey, hi mate, you just lost Austin. Don't go to Austin again. Just lost the whole Austin scene, man. Texas? Austin, Texas?

No. Fucking Austin. It's not the mothership for you. It's the mother fucking stay out of Austin, buddy. Take two, take two. I'm sorry, Bobby Tompola. He's a childhood friends with Ralph Barbosa. Really?

And then we discovered him on here on the corner of the room. Bobby said, you will sit here now. Wait, how'd you start here? Ralph Barbosa. He got you in here? He came with Ralph. He came with Ralph. He was a guest.

He was just a friend sitting on the side. Oh, I got you. Okay. You know Bobby. sees a certain body shape and starts interviewing them. And I loved the interaction. We're explaining how you met, I met. He said, yeah.

No, we'll save it. This you? No, that's you. Yeah, yeah. Honestly, dude, I've never, honestly, dude, I've never seen you have such disrespect for our guest. Thank you, this is a very important figure in my life. And you're an important figure in.

in my life. I know, but... So what does that mean for... Yeah, that means... Tom, how are you? How are you? Like this. Yeah, what was that?

What was that? What was that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hug. Hug, hug, hug, hug. Clila, I made through some shade at Tom.

Oh, no. Yeah, some deep shade, dude. What happened? What happened? Tom, Tom, tell him what happened. I mean, it was, it was kind of weird. And I apologize beforehand, but go ahead. I mean, I just, I walked in the room

and he goes, I don't know you. Rams, do you believe it? I can't believe it. It's insane. It's insane. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you want to apologize to our guest, Tom Seguera? Sorry, Tom Segura?

Wait, what, you question? Did I use that, dude? Do you honestly, what the fuck? Honestly, you're pissing me off right now, dude. When? That's a dear friend. Now. Now?

Yeah, and yesterday. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What did you do? What do you do you get there? Every day, every day, if I think about it, it pisses me off. I ate all the grilled sandwiches. Grotees. You ate all the grill cheese sandwiches?

Yeah. How many were there? A lot. Four. There were four grilled cheeses? That's a lot. Yeah. He ate them all?

Yeah, at one time. With marinera or just... With ham. Yeah, yeah. With ham. Sounds like it was a ham and cheese. Hamme cheese, grill sandwich. Wow.

Yeah. So, you want to apologize to our guest? Sorry, Tom. Sugar? Yeah. Why is he so cocky, right? I'm so sorry, Tom. I'm so sorry.

This is just... I know. I know. I know. We're starting off on the wrong phone. How is it the fourth time that you think that's still working? You're like...

I don't believe in rules of three. Rules of eight. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, can you say it like a fucking spick? Can you fucking... Tom Segura. Yeah, yeah. Come on.

Hey, Tom Sugura. Hey, Bobby, it's Tom Segura. Yeah, very good. But can't you do like a Segura? Oh, Tom Segura? You still not... Roll your arms, Jaime. Seigura.

Yeah. Look at those lips. Can't do anything. Tommy, so I shot it. You shot it, so wait. Tommy! How many has Tom done? He's on eight.

No. Six. Six. Yeah, six. But so just did you fill them in on our, because we spoke last week. Yeah, we did. And I was like, it's coming up. And you're like, fuck you, man, you fucking asshole.

I was like, what? I was like, it's going to go great. And I could tell it went well, because you have a big fucking smile. walked, I said how to go, huge smile. It went great. Well, here, here's a thing. It wasn't as difficult as I thought it was going to be. Because you've done it 20,000 times? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That whole thing. Well, it's, no, it's, it's, it's, it's stressful. It's stressful, but you're just doing your act. Right. Right. And the audience is like a TV audience. It's hype. They're hyped up. Yeah. So it's like, I can't see, unless you're not prepared,

you know what I mean? Like, you've been, like, your last 20 years are preparing. You're prepared. When opportunity meets... Your M&M, I get it. No, I know what it is. I know what it is. I don't know what. When practice meets... No, opportunity. Yeah, what opportunity means our preparation.

Preparation. That's success. That's not the expression. No, no, no, no, but what is it then? Talent plus everything. Talent plus everything. Yeah, you don't know it either. Fuck, I don't know it.

Yeah, yeah. So wait, you tape four? Yeah. Do you have a favorite one of the four? I think the fourth one is where I was the most wild. Wild. Yeah, yeah. I was like, I have it in the can, so I'm just going to go a little extra mugging-wise in bits.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. What do you mean? Four was definitely the most Bobby one, and first one was, I thought, like, a great stand-up special. Oh, okay. Thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That does make sense, actually. That makes a lot of sense. Well, explain, because that doesn't make any sense to me. So here's the thing. The first one, you actually have. the most nerves. Yeah. So the way you perform on show one is probably the closest to, like, I'm going to put on

the best stand-up show I can. Once you start knocking down more and more shows, you get like a looseness to you, but that doesn't necessarily mean that you're better. Yes. You know what I mean? Sometimes that first one has the right amount of anxiety. Yes. And all the elements are right to have like the best performance.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Very, very, very, very, very good. Very, very good. That's so Asian the way you just... Yeah, well, I'm Asian. And I'm not going to apologize for it anymore. Anymore. I mean, I am who I am.

I'm proud of who I am. And sometimes I talk like this. Okay? Sometimes I do, you know? And so, what are you looking at her for? Just like, how are you doing? Yeah. Yeah.

And then, well, here's the thing. After the first show, I got offstage, and everyone was kind of meeting me backstage. This is annoying the shit of you? No, I just saw their faces and it seemed like they were like, that was it. You know what I mean? So

after that, it was fine. Doesn't it? Does you do the thing after the first one when they're like, you got it? And you're like, great, let's cancel the next three. You know what? There was a part of me that was like, did I say that? I go, why are we doing three more? I'm always like, yeah, book a bunch. And then when they're like, you got it, I'm like, good, let's all go home.

I know. But you have to do three more. But do you edit all, like, how many specials do you, I mean, shows do you do? So the way I've always done it is you have your shows taped. They'll send you line cuts, right, like of all four. Usually the one that you feel the best about is the best one. It becomes your hero show, like the baseline show. And then you go to like, all right, it's minute 22. It's my bit about spam or whatever you're talking about.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you go... Ten minutes on that, hey. Yeah, you go, all right, I remember show three, it just hit right. So you'll edit in show three, but you'll keep your hero show show. Wow. But a great editor changes the fucking game. Just like in TV, film, like a great editor, I would hire an editor that has done so many specials because they do have a skill set for it.

They know how to do it. What do you mean? You're going to have an editor. I have a good editor? I think so. Who's editing? What? You have a great one?

Who? They're going to hire him. Yeah, he's good. Yeah, but who is it? He's the best. I got good wrecks. I got good wrecks if you want good wrecks. What's a Rex mean?

Highman. That's what it means. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Recommendations. He knows people. He knows people. Yeah. Tagura.

He knows. How many wrecks do you have, dude? I got a few. Yeah, yeah. What rec would you, was number one than a wreck? I mean, I don't want to, like, blow up their spot. Oh, okay, okay. Because you might not hire him.

I'll tell you off, Mike, and then you can see what they've done, and you can do like, all right. And you meet them, and you just go out like? It's like in Star Wars. When George Lucas first showed Star Wars to Scorsese, Brian DePama, and Spielberg, they didn't like it. They're like, what the fuck is this? And then they hired, they edited it differently. They looked at action, dictate the edits, and it changed the whole thing. Have you ever heard those stories about when he would take the Star Wars film school?

script around when George Lucas was like shopping the Star Wars script people were like what the fuck this? They're like yeah there's Chewbacca yeah yeah like you're out of your goddamn mind man because his peers were doing like legitimate realistic kind of like grounded work you know what I mean yeah yeah like you know um and he's like they're on tatuine scarves and then the millennium falcons gonna come and they're like okay yeah listen whatever you've been smoking yeah knock it off try to write a real script and come back to us. I also heard people on set when they were shooting, especially like the tattooing scenes, just

extras or background actors, go, this movie sucks, just out loud. Harrison Ford famously was like, hey man, we can't say this. Like, he told him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you believe that that guy, you know Ramsey Badawi? Hey, what's going on time? Ramsey Badawe. Yeah, yeah.

That's how you do it, Jaime. Yeah, yeah. And you, are you well aware of Tom Cigarism? Yeah, very well aware. Yeah, yeah. Huge fan, Tom. Thanks, buddy. And Ramsey's a stand-up. You know what I mean? I'm paid regular.

Yeah. Congrats. Thank you very much. Congrats. I'm just waiting for it. Anyway, and Ramsey had never seen Star Wars. Until? The other day, we're on the road, and I go, I'm forcing you to watch the first half.

1.30 in the morning, Bobby made me come to his room. Yeah. And watch Star Wars on an iPad in his lap. Jesus Christ. A new hope. That's your first experience. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was in my pajamas.

He was in his pajamas. What did you think? of the first. It's pretty good. Yeah, pretty good. I like what they were doing. I recommend a larger screen, maybe surround sound. Yeah. Yeah. He fucked it up by putting in that CGI in there. Do you know that? On the re-release?

The real releases, yeah, yeah. I don't know. Yeah, yeah, I don't like it. Yeah. They really, the movie, though, holds up so bad. It's so good. It's so good. It's a classic story about good and evil. My kids were refusing to watch it. Like, I was always like,

oh, show them all the shit that I think they'd like. Yeah. No, no, I don't want to see this. And then this summer, I got them to watch it. And it was so funny because we started in the order they were released. Yeah. And they were dialed in. Like they were dialed in for New Hope, Empire, Jedi.

And then when I got to, like, the newer ones, they'd get up and just walk around the room. Because they're not as good. They're not as good. Right? They're not as good. Although a lot of the stuff that they started putting out, like, these series that they put out. Mandalorian. It's fantastic.

Yeah, yeah, very good. Yeah, yeah, very fantastic. Yeah. You've seen them all those, too? I've not seen them all, but I did, I ate up Mandelori. You ate it up. Billy Burr's in it. Yeah.

Billy Burr is in it. He's great. He's great actor. Yeah. Fine man. Fine man. Yeah. Great pilot.

Yeah. Great pilot. Yeah. He texted me a couple times this weekend. How did it go? You didn't. Ooh. In fact, I'll give you the list of people that did text and checked in with me, all right?

Dane Cook. Not you. Bert. Bert. Ooh. Not you. Santino, obviously, Rogan. Who else?

Just a bunch of people. Busy with your TV show? My special teacher is out on Netflix right now. Please check it out. Number six. I am busy with the TV show. And thank you for doing it last season. I had a really good time doing it.

That was really fun. That was a fun experience. You know, it's fun that my success friends invite me to do things and you're a successful guy though why do you always act like you're not successful I didn't say that what did I say I'm just saying you always you Tommy Tommy you imply though you imply that it there's a different year I mean obvious okay here we go I mean obviously things are going good okay good all right okay I have eyeballs feelings you know I'm adapted to the environment I like the way you do your index fingers

like this yeah No, I don't do that. Not what you meant? Yeah, I do that. It's just the shape of your... Yeah, I do it, you know. Yeah, that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And so, what are you doing? Oh, nothing. Yeah. Just make sure you check out the special. Yeah, John Segarra, a teacher. Yeah. It's out on Netflix now. And sign up for an account.

Yeah. You know what's so funny about your backdrop, right? It's so simple. You know, I made mine too elaborate, I think. How elaborate was it? It was pretty elaborate. Like a set design. You did do set design.

Yeah. Oh, but... He did set design. Last week when you said that I thought it was a bit. No. It wasn't a bit. No. What was it?

I spent all my money on set design. What is it? Well, there's, you know, I mean a unicorn in it? No, I'm kidding. No, it's a forest. It's a forest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But there's like layers, dementia.

You saw it, right? Dimensionals to it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who gets to keep that? What's that? Who gets to keep the forest? It's in a dumpster right now. What are you talking about?

We're getting a piece in here. No, we have to keep it somewhere. Really? Yeah. Did you go to the taping? I was around. I went to rehearsal. She was the onstand-my doctor.

Because he lost his voice. This is what happened. So Friday's second show, I get off. And I go, I can't talk. It was gone. Because you were like... I blew it out. Yeah.

I fucking blew it out, Tommy. Yeah. Right? Can I call you Tommy? Yeah. Because lately I've been calling you Tommy. I like it. Yeah.

All right. Do you let everyone call you Tommy? It's usually friends and family. All right. Can I call you Tommy? No, Jaime. Absolutely not, dude. It's like when people call me Bob.

Robert. Only certain people can call me Bob. What do you call me? I usually say Bobby. Yeah, you do. Yeah, you do. Yeah. Standard. But you know what?

I'm allowing you and giving you the opportunity to call me whatever you want. That's how deep our relationship goes now. Where you can go, you can go Robert, Bob, Babo. You know what I mean? Babeloo, Babeloo, Babeloo, whatever you want to say. You can call you Chino. You can call me Chino. Chinese guy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I blew up my voice Friday a second show. Can I call you S? Tom, Thomas? Thomas, that's good. You're interrupting the fucking story. I'm trying to figure out of you. Tom S.

Mr. S. Just put like an ass right here on your chest. Look at Bobby's face, hi, man. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Hit or miss. Yeah, sometimes he's on. Sometimes, wow, where are we? What are we doing?

You know? So, blew it out. I was in a panic, Tommy. Okay? I call her. You know what I mean? I go, I don't know what to do. And Saturday was 9-1-1, just people in my hotel room giving me stuff.

And you know what we did? What? Steroids. And it worked. It fucking worked. Aren't steroids the best? They're the best, dude. Yeah.

I'm a big story fanatic. I'm up on it. Yeah. In fact, you know what? I'm willing, if I took more steroids to work out, would you be opposed to that? Yeah. Why? Your organs will eventually shut.

They're already shut. That's the thing about my organ. Way in the future. Yeah, yeah. You should do get Anavar, get Winstrawl. Windstrel? Those are the old school hits. Deca.

Yeah. Anavar? Anavar, Winstrawl, Deca. Deca. What does that do? It's just a stack. You're going to be. I'm going to stack it out.

You're tight. You take? Huh? Because you're hip fit now. You take? You take? I want it. No.

But you take nothing. Nothing right now. T? I take tea. Tea? T's good. And let me ask you another private question, if I may. Yeah.

On a podcast. On a podcast. We can edit it. Social security number? No, you've lost a lot of weight since for the last three or four years. Yeah. You've been doing it naturally? Yes.

I have. I eat more than anybody like that is losing weight. I eat four times a day. You're not doing injections? No. Not doing GLP ones. No. Wow.

Yeah. So it's discipline. Yeah. It's consistency. Oh, it's consistency. Yeah. Wow. I try to eat 50 grams of protein at every meal.

Damn. 50. Is that a lot? That's a lot. Yeah, okay. So a lot of meat. I mean, chicken, fish, meat, eggs. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Shopify. Ha! Nuffify. Yaha. Shopify. Guys, it's a new year. It's a new year. And I'm thinking about new things to sell online.

Like what? Yeah. Like my own. clothing line. Ooh. Fancy. What would you call it? Hobo 2000.

How about Lee? Vi. That's very good idea. Very good idea. I mean, there's only really one way to do it. One way to do with Net Shop. Well, that's obviously that. You know what I mean?

I would not do any businesses, start a business online without Shopify. Yeah. If you're thinking about launching a new business, Shopify is it. Shopify gives you everything you need to sell online and in-person. millions of entrepreneurs have already made the leap from household names to first-time business owners just getting started. Listen, guys, we have an online business here.

We use Shopify. We only use reliable business models. And Shopify is the most incredible. And Shopify gives you all the tools to easily build your dream store. Choose from hundreds of beautiful templates that you can customize to match your brand. Set it up super fast with Shopify's built-in AI tools

that write product descriptions and headlines and help you edit product photos. Marketing is built in, too. Create email and social campaigns that reach customers wherever they scroll. As you grow, Shopify grows with you. Handle more orders, expand to new markets, and do it all from the same dashboard. In 2026, stop waiting and start selling with Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at Shopify.com slash Tigerbelly.

Go to Shopify.com slash Tiger Belly. That's Shopify.com slash Tiger Belly. Here are your first. This new year with Shopify by your side Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's, I'm way heavier. Even on the right there, I'm way heavier. Yeah, look at the left.

That's 2000. You know what that was? The time that I gave you the ride. That's then. Remember I gave you the ride? Oh, that's right. That was then. Yeah.

Yeah. That's about 265. That's how much you weighed? In there, and I weigh 1, like, 187, 188. And Christina still had sex with you then? Just barely. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

That's good. Yeah. Now look. Wow. And look at you now. Amazing. What are you? Good looking, man.

Thanks, bro. You think he's good looking? No, for the fit guy, for how old are you? I'm 46, man. Oh, damn. Yeah. We're all up there now. Yeah.

Do you look at me like your elder? Do I? Yeah, I asked you. I thought you were asking him. You? You did look at me. I mean, you are older than me, so yeah. See what that means.

Mentor. Okay. Mentor, that's nice. My OB. one canobi? He always... He always goes up. He's talking directly to your...

Because you're not sure? Yeah, I was looking at Tom for insurance. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm your Obi-1 Canobe is correct. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm your Obi-1 Canoebe. And you're Luke Skywalker? No. No?

Jawa. Can I do the little teddy bears? Waukee or whatever? Ewaks. E-Warks. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Right? In the Star Wars world, you'd be an E-Walk. Yeah. I think more Jawa. Oh, Jar Jar? No. Yeah. What do you think?

Anyway, we can move on. Yeah. But then I did the steroids and second show, it was just fucking perfect. And then... That's awesome, dude. I'm happy for you. Here's a thing, though, Tommy. What? You know, people... I've had this situation happen.

Yeah. Where people go, I saw you in this movie. You were great. The movie I haven't seen that was in, whatever. And then watching it, it's not great. then you don't trust people's opinions. Wait, because the movie's not great? No, because I look at it and I go, I wasn't good in that.

But that's skewed. It's not skewed. I literally wasn't good at that. I'm looking at the camera, I'm starting my words. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But is it somebody, is it like showbiz people or is it a friend?

Anybody. Like, I don't trust sometimes the people around me. So when I got off stage and people were like, that's it, you did it, right? There's always a little bit of me like, you sure. Yeah. Do you do that or no?

Of course. You do that, right? Of course. Because people are. Full of shit. Full of shit. Yes. Yeah, yeah.

I also don't trust, like, you know, I don't like when somebody gives me like a physique compliment. I don't trust them. Like what I did earlier? No, no, no. Like, when somebody goes, like, you look better than you used to look, that's normal. Oh, yeah. When they try to, like, gas me up, like, I'm like, they're like, wow. Yeah.

Like, you're, I'm like, what are you talking about, bro? Like, yeah, yeah, yeah, get the fuck out of here. I don't trust them. Yeah. I don't trust them. them. Yeah, yeah. I don't trust that, yeah. For the rest of your life, you don't trust them. Exactly. For the rest of their life. And the tapings, it bothers me too.

Tell me why, because I'm feeling the same thing. Okay, so I was like talking about this on the one that I taped, is that I taped, this time I taped three shows. First one, like you said, I think for yours, the first one to me felt great. And I always think you as the person performing, you actually know truly the nuances of when it's good, when it's decent, when it sucks. Like, you just know. You're the one that has reference to all the shows. That's why you can do a show somewhere.

Because we're there. Yeah, but you can do a show somewhere. Like, you can book your show. Let's say you're in San Antonio. And you walk off stage and you're like, that show sucked. Yeah. And someone's like, great show.

They, it might be a great show to them. Exactly. Because they saw one show this year. Right. You know the show sucks. Yeah. Right. But in the tapings, when someone's there for all the shows,

and they're like, oh, that third show is the one. And you're like, what fuck are you talking about? Like, yeah. We just did three other, we did two other shows. Yeah. And you said that about the other ones too. And you know that the other show was better. And they're like, no, I like this one.

You're like, yeah, I start to go. I do, I, what does mean? Me too. Yeah. I do that too. What the fuck are you talking about? What are you talking about Willis? Yeah.

You even say the Willis? Yeah, yeah, because I'm a different strokes man. Yeah. And I really miss a manual. Do you remember that show? Gary Coleman. You do? You know that show?

Yeah. What you're talking about, Willis? Wow. Wow. That's amazing. And you didn't even question it. Nope. You didn't know.

You didn't know. What you're talking about? Willis? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You didn't do that. Yeah. So let's be honest now. That being said, in the room.

What do you guys think now? I told you one for me. One for you. I liked one in four. One and four. I would say. One was killer, but four felt like Bobby at the comedy store.

Okay. George. Same, one and four. One and four. I would trust the fact that they're talking about those two shows. I bet your special is going to be a mix of those two shows. Yeah. But it's going to be, what do you want your hero show to be?

Is it going to be one out of the gate, whatever that fire was? Or are you going to want the feeling of, it's me at the comedy store? At the end of the day, I'm just going to let them do it. Yeah? I'm your editor, I'm telling you, man. Yeah, I'm just going to let them do it. and then I'll just, because even if it's like the best,

I'll look at it in such negative context, my eyes. Yeah. You know, that's the thing. I want to feel better about what I do. That's, I think that's what we're getting at here. It's just like,

I want to be comfortable enough with myself to go, you know what? Things are great. That was good. This and that. But I have such a critical lens on top with me. That's good, though. You think that's a good thing?

I think some of it is. Yeah. I mean, every comic that I know it's very, pleased with themselves is not very good. I think we all have to have... Are you... Let's say I'm an open micer.

Yeah. Right? And you just happen to see me at the mothership or whatever. Yeah. And I don't do very good. But I come up to you go, hey, man, what's you think? Are you honest with that person? Let's do it right now.

Hey, Tommy Segara, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. What's that, man? What's up? What's up? Yeah, I just saw it on Netflix. Thanks, buddy.

Yeah. It's not now. Yeah, it is. Check it out. Anyway, get your subscription. Oh, yeah. Anyway, yeah. I just did a spot, man.

I thought I rocked it. What do you think? I wasn't even, I just got here. Oh, you would lie that you didn't see it. How bad was their set? Pretty bad. Pretty bad? Like, the guy before was, you know what I mean?

Did a really pretty good job, an average job. Yeah. Good laughs, right? It was kind of, maybe he got to pop on one thing. Yeah. But pretty much it was dead zone. Okay. But he's like, Tommy killed it.

Yeah, well, you got a great stage presence, man. Lie. You lie, then. That's a lie! I can't crush. I can't crush. Clarity is kindness. I know, but I can't crush.

Ali Wong told me that. Right? I like it. Yeah, but she's a, yeah, I know, I'm a savage. I know she is. I know. Clarity is kindness. You're going to smash an open micer who's like.

Well, I've been doing it for five years. I wouldn't even consider myself at an open mic. I mean, they have this kind of attitude? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I also called you Tommy three times. I don't even know you. Yeah, Tommy S, what's up? All right, get back on the horse, man, you know?

But you think I have a future? Five years? Five more years? No, I've already been doing five years. Right, five more. What are you deaf Tommy S? I'm telling you. Oh, hard.

He's crazy. He's crazy. Who is this? Do five more years. Really? Yeah, but keep doing. Keep coming back. You'll get it.

It's still hopeful. I'll tell you my argument against that. Okay. Okay. You're like, hey, quit. No, I would just say, wait, yo, how long you've been doing it? Five years. Five years.

And you thought you killed? Yeah, that's, I know what you're going. I would ask them. Yeah. You thought you killed. Yeah. Five years in. Yeah.

Yeah. Get an ear, dude. I have two ears. Yeah, well, then turn them on. Turn your ears on Because what I saw Was death You mean

Death by jokes Wow Yeah yeah And I'll tell you another thing guy Yeah Yeah Yeah Oh

That's kind of hard No that's too harsh Yeah I'm a lot of those I went to I went to do this You've done Kill Tony right

Yeah Do you Do you enjoy Or does it make you nervous To tell them how they're doing. No, I, I, makes me, obviously, I'm not like this.

Yeah, I know. I'm worse than you. I get, oh, you're gonna make it. That's me. Yeah, you're gonna make it in two years, bud. I get it. I get uncomfortable.

Yeah, yeah. Well, here's the thing, but you actually made a, you made a good point. When they're kind of like, hey, and it's bad, I can't be like, hey, you suck.

When they have a bad one and they have attitude, it's easier to like, but even then I still am like, I'm not, that comfortable, like, shitting on them. Yeah. Super hard.

But my argument is this, Tommy. Yeah. Okay. Is that stage time is valuable. Yeah. And if you don't have it after about five, ten years. Yeah. And you're still doing it.

You're kind of cogging up this time for some young kid that can be up there. I mean, I think you're right. I think more than that. It's about that person's own time. Like I remember seeing one one time who was at an open mic and they were, after it was like I'm 15 years in and it was like you're 15 years in right now. This is insane.

I know. You know? Yeah, but do you have to be nice? Yeah. Yeah. But also is it our responsibility to manage that for anybody else? Like, you fucking figure it out, man. Yeah. But David Letterman once said that when a young comment

comes up to him and says I'm thinking about doing stand-up, he always goes, don't. You're never going to, it's going to be difficult. it's difficult to make it. Don't ever do it. The reason when he says that is because a comic will still go up after that. He's right. Yeah, he's right.

A comic will still go out. You know what? Fuck you. I'll prove you wrong. And we'll go up there. That is true. Because you were told that I'm sure too, right? Like somebody told. Oh my God. The local scene in San Diego, right? To me, now, I've heard other stories about how I was. Right?

I've heard stories about how I was, but for my perspective, they weren't supportive of me. They were rooting for Dad. Oh. Yeah. So Dad and I started in the same couple years, right? And when Dad came along, Dad fan, right? Everybody was like, there's two of them?

I know, this isn't insane. It's an Asian clown car? We're growing them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It can't be two. It can't be two, right? It was like two, one too many. It was one too many. Anyway, and so he was sort of like the Harvey Dent, like the saving grace.

You're right? Because I was so weird and they were like So all the locals liked him And they just didn't like me That what's this? Yeah, you guys reconnected that too Yeah

Holy shit there's three of them Yeah Yeah Yeah yeah yeah so that Wow look at that photo Me Jimmy and Dad Now there's a lot And I support it

But um So you know I But I just didn't get a lot of Did you get support when you started From like other comedians? Yeah, like the, you start in L.A.? I started in L.A. Oh, that's the toughest place to start.

It's a tough place to start. It's a tough place to start. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. If you don't know, you don't know. Yeah, you know. I didn't really know. I mean, no, I mean, I can't really say that

people were any which way about it because I went to the store a couple of, I didn't go to the store much. I would go to the improv. Yeah. Improv had a scene where, like, I don't know, I felt like you could get more on these book shows. And I was doing all the books shows.

bringers around town, all those things. They also booked me as an MC like pretty early on, and so I just started to work like that. But, I mean, I can't, I don't really feel like I had, like, a lot of support or anybody, like, putting me down. So there was

no names on a list. Oh, no name shows? No, no, you didn't have names like, this fucker was mean to me. I'm going to get revenge. Not. Because he had me, Ralph, I mean, not Ralph.

Me and Ramsey have that. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Who's on your list again? I don't want to say it outbound. Do you have a... There's some good ones on there. Yeah, I have a list.

You have a list. I'm Korean. Yeah. And Koreans all have lists. Really? Organized. It's organized list. Yeah.

alphabetically. Now, let me say something. Now, let me say something that I would outwardly do. It's just succeeding. working now? Like are they... Oh yeah. Really? Oh yeah. And they're cunts. They're not cunts. It's just a little bit like, really? Did they give what, how was, was their thing like a slight, like a personal

slight? It's a slight. It's a little slight. I do remember one time I, I, this isn't like a, this wasn't a comedian really. This was a writer. So I was on a writing staff, but for, you know, when they do pilots, they hire you for like a few weeks. So you go to a writer's room. And I remember I was talking to one of the writers, he was, he was, was a higher up guy and he was like um talking about like the next thing i was like well i'm going to go you know do some gigs i was a middle act yeah and he was like what are you doing i go what he goes do you think you're going to be a comedian like actually make a living and i go i mean that's what i'm doing he goes no like you're i don't remember his name oh fog you always

have to get the name Tommy i mean i could find his name but also what would i tell him like what would i tell him hey man worked out That's the revenge But that's what I'm saying You don't have to say it He knows Yeah yeah yeah I have to be in the room

When he knows Oh when this guy knows Yeah yeah Or these people But this guy I mean There's a long list There's 40 people

But don't you think the people On your list They all are like Worked out for Bobby Lee Shit man Yeah but I still have to go Oh you want to gloat Not a gloat

Just That's not me gloating Okay just No what's up man You good? Have you not run into any of these I have And how is it go

Well, let me just see this. Like many lists, there's crosses. I've crossed some names. Oh, you've crossed some names off. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is it a forgiveness thing?

You got it after the list. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I do. You know, be honestly, though, I say. Do you love when some of them, like, some bad happens to one of them? What do you mean? Well, like, when you hear, like, so. Oh, stage four? Yeah.

Stage four. He's filed for bankruptcy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no, no, no. don't get off on that. No, no, no. I mean, I actually, the opposite occurs. There's a guilt. It's always a guilt because there was one recently that, um, God, there was this guy and he, he just didn't like me for some reason. And the reason why he didn't like me is because, um, I was starting in San Diego. I'll just tell you what it. I tell you what. And I was starting, I was doing

stand-up in San Diego and there was another guy much like me. You mean? But he had been there longer and I was an open micer and then one day I was at open mic and this lady came out to me and she goes, you're good enough. Can you do TV? And I go, what do you mean? I'm an open micer. And she's like, I book a TV show. It's called Make Me Laugh. And I think you can do it. So I drove all the way to LA from San Diego, right? And then you know what that show is? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Contestant goes out like just a regular person and there's three comics and he chooses a comic and then we try to make him laugh within a minute. And I kept getting asked,

which means I was burning through material. Yeah. Yeah. So by the third one, or fourth one, it was this show, make me laugh. This is from like 1963.

Jesus. I know. There's a 90s version of the comicator. Bobby's old. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, what do you think? It's like Dean Martin. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, yeah. No, it was so, by the third and fourth time they called, I remember being, standing there on TV going, I just ran out of my last joke.

And hopefully they don't ask me again, and they asked me. So I quickly took this other guy's joke and changed it. Right? Yeah. And I did it. And it got them to laugh.

And then the guilt. Yeah, that makes sense. Right? Yeah, but it's also like, for somebody in stand-up, like you understand why somebody at that time and place would do that. Exactly, exactly. Did he come after you? Worse.

So I drive all the way back to San Diego. And I go to a club and I see him. I rock right up to him. I go, I explained to him like, you know, I just didn't, I was desperate. And I did one of your premises. I mean, I changed it. Yeah. You mean?

And he goes, thief. And he never liked me since then. He never talked to me again. I can understand the anger at the time, even to today? Yeah, even till this day. Well, no, because he died. Oh, I was going to talk about... No, no, no, no, no, no.

So... Well, can we say who it is now? No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no. No, no. So, five months ago, he died.

Five months ago? Yeah, he died. And when I found out he died, I cried. That's sad. That's unfortunate. That's sad. And I cried because I thought to myself, I did apologize 35 years ago when I did.

it. Yeah. But, and he held this grudge because I would hear other comics say that he still has a grudge.

Yeah, but then, you know, I know why this guilt is so deep because remember about 10 years ago, he had a little,

like, radio show that maybe had two listeners and we were the two listeners. Yeah, he would make me listen to this guy. He would do like the morning news

and talk about politics and every day we would listen. Our car rides. You guys are right. You think you, You guys are wild. This is you crazy.

This is crazy. Did you listen? What do you mean? Do you remember? A whole record of Palm Springs was... I don't remember Palm Springs, man. Bleep it, it was just... Remember?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're right. Did you listen because of, do you listen because of like the feelings of guilt associated from that time? No, it was this. It was this. Eventually, he was telling people he stole. my act. Oh, he was saying you did. Yeah. And then here's the thing. It was one

stupid premise, right? And I changed it. He's telling everyone that I stole his act. And then you became super successful. So that would eat at it more. Do you see it? I mean like... Oh, I see. So his view was like this guy stole shit from me and became a success. Yeah. And also, here's

what burns more. He was also the nicest guy imaginable. It seemed like it. We listened to him for hours. He was like a sweet, very kind guy. You know what I mean? And I was kind of made to believe that I, back locally, that I was kind of a villain. But a lot of people thought I was a villain. Maybe I'm a villain.

I can't see that. No, yeah, I think I'm a villain, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think I'm like, you know what I'm a fucking villain. Really? Yeah, I think so. I think I'm a bad person. Wait, when did you and Dad get into, like, the Kumete? Like, I know you, like, there was a dragon kick.

There was, like, physical violence. Yeah, yeah, he did a dragon kick to my face. But when did that happen? At an Irish club in Pacific Beach at a bar, like it was at an open mic. Oh. Okay? And then he assaulted me a little bit at the comedy store. A little bit.

Yeah, what's a little bit of the film? Yeah, at the comedy store in Hollywood because I was hosting the open mics. And I was making fun of like a homeless guy on stage. And he was a doorman. He grabbed my shirt, threw me against the wall. And he goes, he was homeless. Were you making fun of people that are more unfortunate than you? And I go, whoa, dude, get your hands up.

fucking solid impression, by the way. Also makes him sound awesome. And he grabbed you? Yeah, he grabbed me, yeah. How did you respond? I went like, what the fuck? Get your hands off me, you know what I mean? Yeah.

I wanted to say, you know, something derogatory, but then it would be against my own people. You know what I mean? A gook. Let's be honest. I mean, your hands off me, gook. You can say. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because, you know, I'm a big fucking platoon and, you know. My dad's a vet, I guess. Yeah, yeah, you can understand that word. Yeah. It's not out of, like, racism. it's out of like frustration. Did I tell you that he told me

that he didn't know that was a bad? No, no, really? What do you mean? So my dad fought in Vietnam. He was in combat. And Mr. Seguerra. Mr. Segarra. And lieutenant.

And then one day I was doing an interview with him like for a podcast. Yeah. And he's like, when the go, when the gooks came over the hill, I was like, hey, hey, hey. I was like, hey, hey, I was like, hey, man. Really? I go, you can't say that.

He goes, what are you talking about? I go, you can't say go, you can't say gook. He was like, why? I go, because it's a pejorative term, he goes, no, it's not. I go, go, go, go, go, go, it's an acronym. And I go, no, it's not. Well, he goes, it stands for gentlemen of other kinds. And I go, it definitely does it.

I go, it definitely doesn't. And then I had to Google and show him. Yeah. And he was like, huh, I go, you're fucking 70. You didn't know that? That's his response? Huh? Yeah, he was like, huh. But then you know, the N-Words bad?

I thought it was an acronym. It was like a national geographic doc on Vietnam. Yeah. And they'll interview a guy who's like, yeah, so, you know, we were kind of stationed up on Hill 65. The gooks would come up. And they play it on the documentary. Yeah. It's just like everybody from there, that era doesn't, if they fought in that battle, they're just like, that's how I talk.

You know, Hamburger Hill was a difficult battle. It was. Yeah, yeah, it was a very difficult battle. And they did a movie. I saw the movie. But, I mean, I can only imagine, you know, that's the way. You have to, when you're fighting against another group of people, you have to put them in, like, an animal zone. You absolutely do.

Right. I think war is the most dehumanizing thing that can happen. Oh, my God. Would you be able to do it? How can you even say? I mean, would you be able to do it? Right now? Probably not.

But if you sent me at 18 to boot camp, who knows? Right. But Tom Sigurra Bobby Lee now with what we know. I don't think we'd be good at it, man. I know, but we would try. We would try. What if we had to do it? What would you do?

Well, then, I mean, then you have to. What do you? You know what? I would ask? What? Put me in the same platoon as Cigura. Fuck, yeah, dude. No, wouldn't it?

Wouldn't you want to be with me, you Tim Dillon? You know what I mean? This sounds like a horrible platoon. No, no, no, no, no. Tim will do good. I think Tim's a little bit of a liability. Yeah, yeah. No, I mean.

You slaughtered the whole village for no reason. I think you'd want to fight alongside people that you care about and have your back. Yeah, yeah. Tim. Okay, Tim. Okay, good. Who would be, let's name 10 people in our platoon. Well, we bring in Santino for sure.

Oh, for sure. He'll seize a snapper hat. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We're not bringing Bert. No, we have to bring Bert.

No, he'd give away our position. I run away from the peers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a bitch. Yeah, yeah. Bert's a bitch. He'd be like, I don't want to fight. I love everybody.

Leanne! Leanne! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're my daughters. Shut the fuck up. We're trying to kill people, yeah. So, no. Who's a little off?

They have to be a little off? I mean, I think we want a little fucking something. Okay, so me, you, Santino. What about Shabashin? No. Manascalco? He's got a 50 stoic. I think.

No, but he'd be like, guys. Yeah, yeah. We're killing people? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, a lot of complaining. Like, I got a new robe on. Yeah, I got my nails done. I wear three colognes.

Yeah, okay. Talking about combat. Who's a little dirty? Who's dirty. Yeah, we want some dirty folks. Oh, well, Tony Hinchcliff. Oh, dirty. Dirty.

Dirty. Dirty, dude. The dirtiest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, there's going to be. We want some gnarly dudes. Yeah, so Tony, Hinchcliffe. Rogan?

Yeah, so gnarly. Yeah. Dana White? Yeah, the comic Dana White. We're doing comedians. Oh, Dana White. Dana White. Oh, yeah, Dana White.

Yeah. No, dude. We're doing comedians. Yeah, yeah. You're not in this discussion. You're not in this discussion. Why? Why do you say?

I'm listening. I know, but sometimes. Ramsey. You want, Ramsey? Sometimes me and my bro, I think it's the steroids. Am I being really aggressive? Yeah, definitely. I like it.

Yeah, I think it's steroids. But sometimes, you know, me and I'm talking to my friend, right? You just shut your mouth sometimes, you know? That was mean, huh? Yeah. You know what, dude? Let's see what we got in a note. What do you put on his notes.

All right. Some cubes. He's drawn cubes. Draw your cube. I'm sorry. That was not too much. I love you. Thanks for,

okay. Let's go back. Okay. Yeah. Okay. We got to put some women in it. We do. I think Whitney's kind of like,

yeah. Yeah. I think she's like, I mean, if we were like, this is the plan, I think she would be here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

So Whitney and, who else? Ian Edwards. You're out of your fucking mind. Ian Edwards, does. You know what I mean? A chills-making guy? Crossover.

We're in combat. Okay, all right. Brian Simpson then. Okay. I just don't know him that well. Oh, he's fantastic. Oh, if you're saying, I'm going to, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And like I said, he's the one who's actually be like, hey, boys, this is how you fucking clean your gun.

Like, he's the one who's going to teach him. Yeah, man. I see, I see. Yeah. But can Brian Simpson tell Joe Rogan what to do? I think in the combat situation, everything's out the fucking, you know? Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. I have a suggestion. Yeah, yeah. I think he speaks multiple language. He could act as a linguist. And I think he is of a different type of intelligence. It's Godfrey. I was thinking about it.

And physical. Yes. God free for sure. Yeah. God free for sure. Yeah. Let's definitely. You want a Mexican in there?

Who? No, not Mexican, but Cat Williams. Okay. Cat would be good. Hi, Matt. A little tiny. Okay. Yeah.

Why is it? Kevin Hart and Cat. You know what I mean? That's one person. How about an Arab? Oh, we need Arab. Yeah, we need an Arab. Not Fihima Anwar.

He's too clean. Yeah, too clean. Yeah, yeah. A dirtier one. You know who it is. On account of three, say it. No, he's not dirty, but I'll kind of give you, yeah. A.K.

Jesus. A mere? Yeah. Amir K. Yeah. Don't you think? Could call. Yeah, yeah.

He already has trauma. Oh, and we definitely. We're going to run into wherever this battle is. Who are we fighting? That's the most important thing. It is the most important thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just saying there's probably an Arab out there.

But I also feel like it's not going to hurt us to have somebody that speaks Mandarin. You got a good... I can just fake it. Faking it's just good. I'm saying this. If we see a bunch of Chinese, we're all going to go like this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'll put on my tuxedo.

And a top hat. You'll see it. I'll have a shrilly mustache. Ronnie Chang. What? Ronnie Chang. Yeah, whatever, dude. Ronnie's fantastic.

Yeah. I'm going to tell you right now, and I'm being real, all right? I believe that if I was negotiating, I would roll back to the fucking, our bunker or our foxhole, like laughing. It's all good, guys. We're good. You would? Oh, yeah, yeah. And I'd wipe my mouth for some reason.

Yeah, yeah. It's all good, guys. It's all good. Yeah. It was all good. War's over. It war's over. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. I have disease, but it's fine. Yeah, I took one for the team. Yeah. But hopefully it's not going to... But I think that if you and I saw blood and stuff, that, it would be... I mean, it would be bad.

I think so? Dude, I couldn't kill anybody. I don't care what it is. I just couldn't kill anybody. I think in that situation, I think you actually... I actually feel confident that you could. Me too.

I really do. Give me the scenario. Somebody's coming at you with a fucking gun. and you have one too. I think you're going to be... Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. That doesn't work? No.

I think that would work. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Can we talk? Can we talk? I think you'd actually probably have the highest kill count. You'd be, you'd be, I think you would take off. I would do stuff.

Yeah, I would do poison. Blow darts. Yeah, blow darts, the whole thing, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I would do, um... I think I'm good with grenades and dynamite. Fuck yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you'd be our explosive expert.

Yeah, shh. Yeah, I see it. Bobby You know Go throw some grenades On that school bus And get back here Yeah

Okay Yeah They come back Yeah Yeah A bunch of kids in there Yeah's fine But they don't look like us

They don't look like us Yeah Because they're brown And have weird ideas About whatever Yeah Yeah They eat fucking

You know I mean Gruel hummus Yeah Or whatever With cucumbers Yeah Yeah What do you even

Laf with cucumbers For Yeah Yeah Or whatever Yeah You could do it. Yeah.

What about you? You think you can handle it? War, no. Oh, look at this. There we are. Yeah, we are, dude. Bobby looks like he's on the other team. Yeah.

Who's the guy in the middle? Tim didn't. Oh, that's Dylan? And that Tom? Yeah. Yeah. Dude, we look so good. That was badass.

You want to write that movie? Jesus. That looks like a fun movie, dude. Let's make that. Like a war movie? Sure, they have cheap budgets. Let's make one. Yeah, yeah.

I would love to go to Southeast Asia and shoot a movie with him. Would you? That would be so. Dude, I would love to do that. Complaining the whole time? Yeah. Fucking hot! Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Where would you, if you could make a list, top three places you would want to shoot a movie because you want to be there? Where would you? Well, I mean, I used to shoot in Hawaii, so that's a great place to shoot. Great. Yeah, yeah. And then I would probably, like Eastern Europe. Eastern Europe?

Yeah. Like Prague or something? Yeah, yeah, Prague or something. You know what I mean? And then I would probably do... Wow, this is a tough one. Australia. Great food.

Because you've got to think this. You got to think, where's the great hotels and great food? I like how you're thinking. You know what I mean? Yeah, they do a lot of productions in New Zealand. Yeah. And I've been there.

Yeah. Great food. Great hotels, right? You know, I don't know if we would survive. It's like the Revenant. You and I, in the real elements. That looked like it, I heard the interview.

They said it. suck to shoot that man cameras were freezing all the time yeah yeah yeah the product I'm like yeah yeah yeah I want to shoot in Italy I thought why would you want to do that yeah I just feel like it would you want to do that yeah why would you want to do that why wouldn't you want to shoot in Italy you like it the food that was fantastic thank you so much yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah gomongo yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah oh jimongo what are you doing bit a pink bottle inside my hut go out of man.

You come here with a gabernucci and your fucking gullana, right two-faced Magoo, and you know what? Two-tone Larry. I already see the movie. Yeah, Two-tone Larry. What is Tutong Larry doing anyway, man? You know what I mean?

Pretty good, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You do one. Italian? Yeah. There's two-tone there. The Tony right there, how you doing, Tutong? Hey, Papa, man.

Oh. Whoa. That's all right. Hey, Papa, why are you making spaghetti again? Just like how mama used to make it before she divorced you, Papa. Uncle Jojo's here. Hey, Uncle Jojo, you bring the good stuff, eh? I'm making the garlic bread.

Make it making it, you know? Hey, we got Lucia. Yeah, Lucia. Yeah, we got Lucia, my sister's here. Hey, it's Lucia. Lucia. Lucia. What's going on with your, what's going on?

Luceusie, she sleep all day. Yes. Why can't you play along? I can't do Italian with... I can't either. With half paralysis, I cannot. Okay. Thank you.

Yeah. Ramsey, can you do Italian? Hey, mama me. Come on, Luchia mea. I mean, this, we're going to get this greenlit. Yeah. Why? Because of the food, Italy?

The food, the landscape, like the places. I love it there. Yeah. Because you're, you're, you're, you've traveled a lot. I mean, I guess, yeah, yeah. I've traveled a lot, yes, yes. You've been everywhere. I've been to a lot of places.

Yeah. Yeah. Hong Kong, I would love to do one there. Hong Kong's great. Hong Kong's an amazing city. Yeah, I've never been there. You never been to Hong Kong? No. Yeah, you have.

I know. I don't know why I lied. What is you? I lied. Anti-China. I love Hong Kong. You like Hong Kong? Yeah, good food, yeah.

Okay. I've been a lot of places too I know, I believe you. Yeah, a lot of places too, you know. You know, I mean, I've been as bad as you, but I've been everywhere, Africa, everywhere. But a place that you've been that I've never been,

what would you recommend? Well, I don't know where you haven't been. Is that real tobacco or is that powder? No, it's just a nicotine pouch. Did I have one? Yeah, yeah. What's, how would I know where you haven't been, though? Well, just named a place.

He hasn't been to a lot of places in South America. Where? He hasn't been to South America. Oh, okay. Yeah, I've been. into Peru, Chile, Argentina. If I'm going to go to South America, where would I go?

Oh, Brazil's a good, good soul. I've never been to Brazil. Well, then why? He said Brazil. Yeah, yeah. What about to like Patagonia? Oh, in the South. Yeah.

I mean, Argentina's fucking amazing. I love Argentina. I heard they're racist. Yeah, but that's cool. They have a lot of Koreans there, actually. Oh, they do? They came from there, yeah. And they're racist to all of them.

Are they really racist? Oh, okay, why don't want to go there then? Well, here's the thing. Here's a little... Fun loving racism. A lot of the world is racist. It's pretty racist. I think so.

And I think the funny thing is in America, you get this, you believe this notion that, like, the race, like, we're bad because there's race. And they're like, you have this illusion that, like, the rest of the world must not be like that. And then you travel and you're like, oh, it is. These people are super racist, too. That one Zoom meeting in Finland that was outed for everyone doing like the...

Oh, the eyes? The Chinese eyes, yeah. I mean, I remember, like, when I studied abroad in college, I did Madrid. And so you have, like, a lot of immigration from Africa. Yeah. And you also have the Romani, like the gypsies. Dude, all the Spaniards were super racist against all of them. And then in South America, you have, like, the majority is the indigenous.

looking people, right? Like darker brown skin people. Explain. Well, I just did. And then the minority would be light-skinned, white presenting people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who do you think super racist there?

Right. It's the whites. Yeah, yeah, they're racist against basically anyone who doesn't look, just like you see anywhere else. Yeah, well, you're a light-skinned Latino yourself. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Does it feel cool like that?

Kind of feels like the best. Yeah. Yeah. But you do hear, I mean, I don't hear a lot of racist, of racism down there. When I go down there for Asians, it's you usually hear it for more like for indigenous or just anybody that is darker than a certain shade. Well, even in the Asian community, there's a lot of colorism. Even within the Filipino community, there's a lot of colorism. Like the darker you are, the more, you know, there's like a lot of whitening product. Yeah.

Koreans. In India is like that too, I heard. Koreans are. Yeah. And then I think in India, it's more like ingrained in the, you know, the cast system of like, you were born this, your, your dad was a rat catcher, that's what you are. Yeah. You stay that way. You can't level up to a difference. You can't level up in India. I mean, traditionally, no.

What if you're like a, you have like a certain talent? Like, I'm a good juggler or whatever. Probably then, but. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like a prodigy at something like, you know, the yo-yo. Yeah. And they're like, oh my God, this is the best to do it.

But they really do, you know, in Latin America, they really do call all. Asians, Chinos. In Latin America, they do. It's like, yeah, yeah. Like, so if you're, if you're Japanese, Korean, Filipino, they're just like, Chino. And also, if you look tired, they're like, Chino. Or they have curly hair. Chino.

Chino. Okay. Good, good note. Good, good adon. You know what I mean? But that's why I. You're welcome. That's why I prefer.

What's that? In Finland, they did that? Yeah, so this is a representative of the parliament. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, that's not bad. He's doing the teeth, too. He's like, that's next level. But they all did it, so.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. You know, I have to say that's why I love America the best. Because we're open with it or what? No, it's not that. It's just that as a minority, I understand where to go. You know what I mean? And where, let's like if I'm in, like, if I'm in Indiana, for instance.

Like, you're in Indianapolis. It's just so, like. You're like it's so white here. No, but it's like you see gays, you see everyone's harmonious. Oh, okay. And they'll go, hey, man, you know, you go two hours north. You know what I mean? Don't go to that town.

Right. When they say don't go, I don't go. You listen. Yeah, I listen to it. Yeah. There are some YouTubers that go, I don't want to go, man. You know what I mean? How do you feel about the southeast in general?

Is that a place you would avoid? I'm talking like Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, the Carolina. It's funny. If you look at my road dates, I rarely go to those places. Yeah. Like for instance, Atlanta, I played one time in my life. Atlanta once. Yeah.

I loved you there. I played maybe once in my life. Yeah, yeah. I've never played anywhere in Kansas. When we did the bad friends tour, we did hit Memphis, but they were the first times ever. And how was your experience? Memphis was a nightmare. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. It was an absolute, it was a real utter nightmare of epic proportions. I bombed so hard. But you did the bad friends? Yeah, we do stand-up, though. I'm so fucking hard, dude. Yeah. Oh, my God.

It was, like, notably. Really? Yeah, some places, dude, it's, like, harder to do stand-up. I think, you know, by being... I mean, it's not like I bomb, you know what I get laughs, but you know what certain jokes get. Yes. You know what I mean?

Yes. And I go, oh, this deserve this, and I don't get that. But it's like, I wouldn't say they were racist. I'm just saying that it was just a little harder. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I don't play, like... New Orleans, I played one time, maybe 20. a while. You play New Orleans? I do play New Orleans. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But now that you are

having a special come out, it's going to come out later in the year, and you're going to have to do a new hour. You'll probably do a big tour. On your next tour, it'll probably be, you're just going to, like, go everywhere, don't you think? You know, it's so funny. It's something I'd like to talk to you about, if I may. Yeah. You know, I know you're a stadium guy. Oh, you're not? A stadium guy? come on oh you play the el paso comic strip okay no you do bar reads comic strip okay all right you're doing six shows there no no no no no let's get real let's get real for a second go back to no no no no no i want to get real with you for a second all right all right and i don't care like

all right no is is that yuck yucks in vain you think that's the mall of america rick bronson hall of fun that's not hall of fun i don't even here's the thing i don't know where That is. Yeah. Okay. So that's what you're doing. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. And, you know, I feel like, yeah. Okay. Yeah, that doesn't seem. Yeah. Yeah. Can I just say point made and just keep it? Point made, move on.

Yeah. Yeah. So when you say, I'll go back on tour. Yeah. I'll play, you know what I mean? Stand Up Live in Phoenix. Sure. You don't know what this special is going to do for you.

you. You have no idea. I don't, I, I, I, I can't see, but this is, this is the, here's the thing, you haven't had the experience of having a special come out and see what it does, because this is the first one you're putting out. You might put this out, announce your new dates, and have your agent be like, hey, guess what? This sold out in three seconds. So do you want to do like five of these, or do you want to actually book a bigger, like you, that might happen to you. You don't know that. Yeah, I mean, I've been in this business for a very long time, and I think, I think not. Well, the thing, but the thing, I think not, yeah, yeah, I think not. But we know something, we know something, we know something. Data, what, data, I'm going to tell you. Data.

How ever you want to say. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. I know what data is. I'm from United States. Yeah, yeah. So when, when people do movies and TV shows and that and their stand-ups, it never really, people think it will translate to ticket sales. The thing we've learned just from a thousand examples is that stand-up is what changes people's draw, meaning putting out stand-up, like specials like you're doing. That's what changes the draw. But you're doing it for the first time. You don't know what it's going to happen to your draw because of it. You really don't. True. I don't understand what you're saying, you know, I mean, based on your data. Data. Yeah, data. Yeah. But my fans are my fans. But your fandom.

So my fans are going to come out. But it can expand, is my point. It can expand. I don't think fandom expands as much as you think it does. But how about the people that are doing those big rooms? What's the thing that's consistent about them? They're very talented. And they put out specials. Yeah. That's my thing.

It would probably take me two or three maybe to do that. Yeah, so I'll do two or three and then maybe it'll happen. Okay. Yeah, but let's move on from it. Okay. I don't have enough data. Okay. I don't. Yeah, yeah. To me, it's like, you know, when I do, because I've done big rooms with you.

Yeah. You mean, stadiums. Yes. Yeah. Can I see an example of that? Yeah. Why are you embarrassed by it? I wasn't.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, who cares? You're not the only one that does it. I didn't think. We have fucking 50 examples of people that even do better than you. Yes. Yes. Yes. Let's see.

Better than you, do it. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yes. Fenway Park or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Billy Burr. Yeah, Billy Burr did that, right?

How many was that? 80,000 seats? I have no idea. Yeah, yeah. Fluffy? Yeah, Fluffy's done at Dodger Stadium. Yeah, yeah. Matt Rife.

Matt Rife has done huge, huge venues. A lot of people. Bargotsie? Bargotsie. Yeah, yeah. Sebastian. Sebastian. Yeah, but, so don't be embarrassed by it.

I'm not embarrassed. Okay. Yeah, you're killing it. Thanks, bro. And you know what's so amazing about you is there's a pathway from, because I believe that, like, I tried the Hollywood thing. And to see the pathway from how you and Bird have done it,

you know, is really inspiring. That's really nice of you. Because it's like, you know, you go, oh, you build an audience from ground up. And then maybe, you know what I mean, Hollywood will open their doors eventually, which is what they did for you.

Do you feel that? No. You don't feel that? No. What do you mean? I feel like almost, I feel like everything that I've done in high. Hollywood is self-generated. I don't think I've ever gotten like the, I think that's the fantasy.

You go, I'm going to do this. You're in that horror movie, Countdown or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. That was that movie called. I think that was called Countdown. Yeah. Yeah. I saw you with that. Yeah. You were good in that scene. Thanks, man. But don't you think that isn't the fantasy though, when you, when you're like, you have a scene or a couple scenes in a movie, you're like, oh, this will, maybe this will lead this. Right, right. That's never happened for you. Never. That's never happened for me either. I did a movie this summer. Yeah. Right. That I You're produced. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. But I produced it. I know. And then the TV show that I have on Netflix, bad thoughts, we're doing season two now. Yeah, but somebody, I did the pilot.

I know, but you did it, but someone who said, let's do it. Well, yeah, yeah, but my point is, that that's the thing. My point is that they don't go, you want a TV? Like, you think that you're going to be like,

I want to do a TV show. And so it's like, yeah. Yeah. No. Yeah. You go, here's an example of the TV show. Oh, I see. You have to generate it.

Yeah, yeah, it's just self-generated. Yeah. Okay, all right. Isn't that relevant, though? Yes. I don't know. I don't know because I think that... I'm not complaining.

What I'm saying, though, is, you know what I mean? I don't know why we always fight, okay? Because you draw something out of me? Yeah, I do. I was a little rude last time you were on bad friends, by the way. I apologize for that. I was really mean. It's okay.

Yeah, I attack you. You did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. but my argument would be that you wouldn't do like if they said hey you know what I mean let's just make up a guy Frank Congo is doing a action movie right

yeah right yeah about the Tibetan Knights yeah right is that a movie already is a team yeah yeah Tibetan nights and you know you're going to be eighth lead and you play the store clerk you're not going to do that I mean it would depend

who's directing whatever it is Tibetan Knights? Tibetan Knights. Yeah. Scorsese. Scorsese? Yeah, then you'd be like, yeah. Oh, you would.

For sure. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. But you get one line. I mean, if Scorsese calls, I think you do it, right? Oh, let me play this game with you. Okay. All right.

Wes Anderson. Yeah. You say yes. Yeah. No matter what it is. I mean, yeah, I would do what, yeah. Okay. Who's the Dune guy?

I love him. Oh, Villanueue. Yeah. Villanueue. Yeah. Definitely. Yeah. Chris Nolan.

Oh, yeah. I would be. be a tree. That's my point. Yeah, yeah. We all want to be in... Me and the Odyssey. You and I both that.

Yeah. Yeah. And I'm over here. In the back, in the back. Imagine. We all want to be in, like, great work. All of us do. That's Tom Holland.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, but so, but then, you know, independent, probably no. First time director. I mean, then it becomes what's, what is it? Oh.

Interesting. Well, don't you think that's how you? What do you mean? What do you mean? You read the script and you go, this is a great script. It's the first time direct. You're like, this is awesome. Then you want to do it.

If you're like, this is a fucking pile of shit. Fuck, your basketball arm. That's, I didn't realize it was that deep. Yeah. Is it fully rehabilitated? Yeah. And then I had a second surgery. You know that?

Oh. No, why? They took the nerve out of here. Ouch. See this scar? Yeah. And then they put it in here. I have a video of it.

You want to see it? Yeah. Do you have just loss of sensation? I did for a while. that nerve transfer really changed things. It was like a state-of-the-art surgery that they did. That was bad, huh? Yeah, it was not good.

Jesus Christ. Yeah. When you see it up front, it's like really heavy, right? Mm-hmm. What? What happened? Oh, boy. Marzzi.

Yeah. He's going to fill it in the morning. Nice. He got it. He got it. See it again, dude. With more conviction. Ouch.

He's going to fill that in the morning. morning? Yeah. Movie star. One take wonder. Dude, I can't imagine you in a movie. Like how many times

you'd have to do a line over again? Just one time. Oh, your one take wonder? Give him a line. Wow. You give him one. Oh my gosh. Is that really the philosopher after over there?

Give me something that was like I can't say. Yeah, you have to say that. Oh my God. Is that the philosopher guy? I knew he was. Okay. So, wait, what is it? Get Frank Kongo on the line.

Like, I want to see it. Oh, that looks cool. Yeah. Wow. Oh my God. You never seen this, hi-man? Look at this, look at this one. So, I don't want to see it.

I don't want to see it. I think I want to see it. And they make the hand move. That's so cool. Who's recording your wife? No. You think she's scrubbed in? She's TikTok-ing?

You know? You don't know. Christine on her TikTok. Look at this one. Yeah, yeah. Oh my Jesus. Look at the hand. Wow.

Wow, wow, wow, wow. So they don't make any mistakes. They know exactly what nerve. Well, it's a high risk operation. So basically you have two nerves here that you can pronate with. So what they do is when this one was not firing well, they took one out of here and they put it in here. And then it's like it's like a doll hair. So for like a few weeks they go, hey, you can't touch, like, you can't try to pick up a jug of milk.

You can't pick up anything because if it snaps, that's it. You're toast. Wow. And at the time, I had a fucking two-year-old and a four-year-old. Oh, my God. I was just terrified of them. Like, they would walk, I'd go, get the fuck away from me. Like, I'm just, you know, I've traumatized them.

Wow, wow. But, yeah, the thing is, so what happened was because I had like radial nerve damage from the break. Yeah. When you have that, and it's like healing, they go, these nerves sometimes just start firing on their own, right? You just wait, you wait. And so it starts getting better, but I was doing things like if you said, open your hands,

right? You can go, my healthy hand like this, this hand would go like that. Yeah. And then if I wanted to grab something, I would have to like flop my hand on it and grab it. And they're like, it might come back, but they're like, we're adding up the months now. and if your nerve doesn't actually reconnect and start firing, your body consumes the nodules and then it's over.

So what you have is what you have. Yeah. So he goes, he proposes this operation and I'm like, I go, all right, I go like, this sounds pretty well. He goes, yeah, it's pretty stated there. I go, how many have you done? He goes, one. I go, so I'm number two?

He's like, yeah, but he goes, but it works. It's incredible. And then, yeah. That's so cool. because did you have involuntary movements before the surgery? No, I didn't have involuntary movements. What I did have was like a lot of, you know, weird sensations, numbness, tingling, things like that where you're like, oh, and then it would slowly, slowly,

like a couple months later, you're like, oh, that's a little better. And then even like to this day, if you grab my forearm, I can feel the nerve sensations. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Because what happened with my, when I got Bell's palsy, is I had incomplete healing. And so the nerves have, like, cross-wired. So I have, they don't communicate with each other correctly.

They kind of regenerated wrong. I didn't know you had Bell's palsy. I had Bell's palsy about, like, a year ago. A year ago? A year ago. And it's supposed to go away in like three to six months, but it never fully did. So when I purse my lip say, for instance, it closes my eye. Really?

So, yeah, they've just kind of miscommunicated. And what do they say, that might just resolve itself? No. I think synchinesis is more permanent. So like when I'm done in a little bit, there are surgeries. So maybe similar like that where they can like re-inervate or come like force the nerves to come back alive. But I don't know what the success rate of that. Yeah.

I mean it's obviously it's like it's worth, you know, doing all your research on. I remember that after I had this procedure done, the doctors would call me and go, will you talk to this other patient? Oh, whoa. Because this guy, like one time they're. like we have this like really wealthy guy who's like yeah yeah just fix it and they're like it doesn't it doesn't work like yeah yeah yeah so they're like will you tell him because I had to like talk to this guy and be like I go you can wait because he was like I don't know if I want this I was like you can wait it out man but like you realize that after a certain

date if it if your body's like done trying to make it happen it's over yeah there is no wow you don't have the option yeah there's a window so if it didn't work, what would it happen? I just would have had the hand where like, I mean, would it shrink? Those are my favorite. You see that on YouTube. It hits the ceiling. It hits the maximum.

But how long after the surgery did you start to see like, oh, things are moving a little differently or I can feel this now or it's not as floppy? After the, so like six weeks later was when I was allowed to start like, you could pick up, you know, five pounds. And then a few weeks after that, he's like 15 pounds, little by little. there's this thing too so I was like starting to like get month to month it would be like little progress if I picked up like two dumbbells I would be like I would curl them and then sometimes on like the sixth rep of a not a heavy dumbbell my arm would just stop here and I

would be like hey it's not and they're like yeah the nerve yeah just didn't fire again and then I thought that was just gonna be that's just where it is dude like a year later I was able to bump up that weight it took like a full year to go to a higher weight and now even now my right arm is definitely stronger than my left arm

but it actually has continued to progress but you have to like keep working it all the time and you have to retrain your brain too did Bert tell you to do that basketball stunt no you don't know how that actually like what actually happened Bird had nothing to do with it no dude I listen to

somebody like I mean it's all my fault but you know we were we were doing our stupid dunk contest yeah so it was over it had been over no it had just ended and was Bert there yeah okay so the the goal was I'm trying to blame Bert I think the way it worked was that we started with we did one of those hoops that you can keep raising wow so we started at seven and a half and then eight and then eight and and nine and nine was like looked like that was like the highest we were going to go. So he went

to dunk it and couldn't and then I did. So it was over it. I won. I was there like you're the, you win. And that's end of day, go home. Well, we were going to do something else but the dunking was done. Dunking, yeah, Duncan done. And then the guy that worked at this like basketball place, he goes, hey man, I think you got a little

more in you. It's that guy's fault. Yeah, and I go, and I knew, I knew that I had just gotten I was 247 pounds, so I was much heavier. Wow. And I just got it in. And I knew that was my limit. And I was like, yeah. Really?

Yeah, yeah. And so they cranked it up, they cranked it up to 9-3. And I knew it was beyond what I could do. And he goes, dig deep, man. You got to dig deep right now. I was like, yeah. Fuck yeah, I'm going to dig deep. What?

Yeah. And I went to, and as I pushed off, my Pateler tendon snapped. What is that? That's the tendon that keeps your knee cap. Oh my god. That's why I fall. That tears. I fall.

Instinctively, your arm goes behind you because you're falling. Oh, my God. And then it was just dead, 250 pounds dead wet. Oh, my God. It just snapped in half. Oh, my God. Yeah. Yeah, that's me talking about it.

Oh, oh, I can't even watch it. I see your, oh. You see what I mean? Yeah. People are always like, oh, you slip. I didn't slip. Oh, my God. Gave out.

Oh, my God. The leg just. Yeah. And that camera guy, just standing there. Outrageous. Yeah, he's like, I got a good angle right here, bro. Yeah, that's insane, dude. Wow.

Who was he? Wow. Do you regret that or? It's a part of your story now. It's a part of my story. It was so horrible. It was so horrible. The recovery was horrible.

I got so depressed in the hospital and in the recovery center. It was terrible. But it definitely set me off on another path. I don't mean just physically. I mean, like, mentally, everything was different after that. Oh, you wanted to lose the weight? But not just, like, physical stuff. I just feel like it helped open me up.

Like, I feel like I was... Your mind. Yeah, I feel like I was much more reserved. Like, just I didn't ever get, like, too excited or too, like, about anything. And then after that, I think I changed in that regard, for sure. Wow. Yeah, it was like a, like, when someone has, like, a horrible car crash and they're like, what the fuck am I doing?

Like, I kind of... Wow. It opened you. Wow. Yeah, yeah. I think the last time I relapse was that. Relapsing? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Four years ago. Yeah, yeah. I think it helped open you up. I think it opened me up. Well, I just remember going, praying to God going, I swear to God, this is it. Save me from this.

I was in so much, like, spiritual pain. And it's been very good since then. That's great. Yeah, yeah, it's been very good. Although I am a little lazy. but, you know, is that the rumor about me that I'm lazy? What is the rumor, Tom? Yeah, Tom.

What is the rumor about me? What do they say about him? What do they say about me, Tom? They're just like, this guy's kind of crazy, you know? Do you find me crazy? I find you crazy in like a fun comedian way. Yeah. There's different types of crazy.

But I show up on time. Yeah? I show up on time. That was a hard laugh. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I show up on time. I know my lines. Yeah.

I don't flake on things. You know what I mean? You're a professional. When I say I'm going to do something, I do it. Here's the truth, Tom, if I may. I'm not that crazy. You're not that crazy. No.

You're little unpredictable. I'm not that unpredictable. I'm not. What scale are we using for unpredictability? The standard American scale of being normal. Pounds. Of being normal. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well known. I mean, ask me questions why I would be, and then maybe I can answer some questions here. I mean, everyone in the room, see why I'm crazy. Because I want to know when people say that I'm crazy, I want to go, I don't think I am. But, yeah, but let's see if I am. I think knowing you, you're very predictable, actually. I think he's one of the most predictable. Oh, I see what you mean.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think he's unpredictable to somebody. Like, watch, look at me like, look at me right now. You knew he's. You knew I was going to do that. I didn't know that. You knew I was going to do that. He's unpredictable.

Like, what he is, is he's like jarring to like a first time person who's never been around this person. I would say the unpredictability part is if you were to ask him the same question, Tuesday and Friday, you would get two different responses. That's where the unpredictability, because everything is like mood-based. Yeah. I shift. You shift. Yeah. So.

I'm like a boat in a storm. Yeah. That's where it's a little bit like, huh? But on Tuesday, you said. But that's getting into, into what? Crazy territory. Not predictable. That's right.

That's right. I guess you're right. But if you can predict that he's going to change his mind. So it's basically like amongst friends. It's like Bobby said yes, but you already know by Friday he'll probably, yeah. If you ask him again, he'll probably, don't be surprised if he says no. He is predictably unpredictable, kind of. You know how many times I do a gig at a club that I play for the first time? And during the week, like I do Friday Saturday, the manager or,

whoever the bookers, whoever owns the club, will come up to me, and this happens all the time. Man, we've never had you to the club, but I heard you were crazy, but you're pretty normal. Really? Yeah, and I go, what do you mean? People think I'm crazy. Yeah.

You know what I mean? I've never been crazy. I've seen this twice, by the way. You've seen it yourself. Two different managers. Yeah, say that. Where they go, we heard, but you're not. And I go, yeah, because I'm not.

Yeah, but I think when people say crazy, about you, that's the thing is there's kind of a scale for crazy. So like for Bobby crazy, it's like, if you're just expecting someone to go like, hello, nice to meet you,

and just sit down and like he is this wild guy. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Because I think you're part of the problem. You know what I mean? And that's why I'm so hostile towards you sometimes, okay? Don't see that face you're doing right now? It's fucking mean mugging. I mean mugging me, dude, all right?

So here's the thing, okay. I don't go, these social norms, you know what I mean? Like you should lock eyes with somebody, shake their hand and go, oh, how are you? I don't do that. I don't do that because that's ridiculous. But that's my point. Sometimes you go, boom, bum, bum, you know what I mean?

Right. Sometimes you go, you can see me, you can't see me. Right, which means that you're not an actual crazy person, but you're kind of crazy to somebody who's used to like somebody just being. Some Christian. Right. I went to church. Wow, this Asian guy's kind of crazy.

In that way. That's exactly right. Yeah, yeah. Maybe in that way. Yes. Maybe in that way. But like, yeah. The Mormons, you're crazy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, do I rip a fart in a sermon? Yeah. And I'll laugh because I've gone comfortable. And that's also funny. It's also funny. It is fun. What I found really interesting about you is that not too long ago,

you dated a praise leader. You know, the head of the church who sings. on state the worship leader. Yeah, I remember. Yeah, I do remember. What's your point? My point is even the Christians think he's not that. Yeah, because I'm all about God.

Yeah. I mean, I am God. We are all God. No, no, no, what I'm saying is, no, no, we are all God. God's within all of us. He is. Right? And I just exude that energy.

Yeah. I mean, that purity. Who do you? Yeah, I mean? The spirit. Excuse me? Do you have a God? Yeah, I believe in a higher power.

I don't have a traditional. Western religion God. Jesus, I know you do. Yeah. What? I mean, yeah. Yeah, okay. JC, right?

Well, that's some, to some yes. To some yes, me no. You know what I mean? But listen, I was there when he died. I mean, not there when he was talking. All right. This guy thinks he's God. When my son died,

I'm there. Oh, no, what I'm saying. No, but I was in, you know what I mean, Jerusalem. You know, and I saw the slab where he died. How was it? He was with Steve Byrne. It's a regular slab.

It's just a slag. It's a regular slab. If you've seen one slab, there's no difference between that. How was Jerusalem? What? How was Jerusalem? Beautiful place.

Really? Yeah, yeah. I got yelled out a couple times. Well, I mean, one time, I guess maybe in this way I'm crazy, but it's like, no, I jumped on the slab. I jumped on the slab. No, I just jumped on the slab.

I think in this way, I guess in this way, people would perceive to be like, you're crazy, but it's more out of ignorance. Like, I don't know. I know what's going on. Yeah. So, you know, we had this private tour. I don't know what's going on.

I don't even want to be there. You know what I mean? I was tired. Yeah. It's one of those early morning outings of like, you got to go to this. You know what I mean? Not highlight.

What do you call it? Historical site. Yeah. Right? And I smoke. Sometimes I smoke. Mm-hmm. And we're in this room, right?

And I lit up a cigarette and smoking inside this room. Right? And they go, can you not do that? I go, why? there's no windows. Right? And they go, this is where the 12th supper was.

The 12th supper. The last supper. Out of 12. There's 12 of people, though. Yeah, this is the apothe. You smoked a cigarette where the last supper was. The last supper was.

And then I put it out. Even the Muslims. Then I put it out in the room and then I got yelled at. You did one of these like, I didn't even ever know about it. They had the last supper here? Yeah, that was me there.

You know what I'm trying to Manhattan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. You're wearing a little, you're wearing a amica? Yeah, I hope my note is still in that wall. I wrote a note in that wall. Yeah, yeah. Another thing that maybe I find a little crazy is,

would you pee on your own plants in your property? Like, you have bathrooms in your home, right? I have a bathroom. Okay. Who said that who does that? Every day. Who said who does that? You pee on your driveway and you just let the pee roll down and I don't understand.

Why do you pee on the driveway? Why not? predictable. It's your house. It's my house. I bought the property. But you're killing your own plans. The forward plants, which is what I call them. Ford? Ford? The forward. The one's in front of the house. Forward. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who the fuck says

forward? I do. That's crazy. I do. And those are backward ones? Yeah, there's backward plants too. Yeah, those, I don't as much. This is why some people have to say he's crazy. Yeah. Why, because I pee on a plant? How is that crazy? You said forward

plants. Yeah. Because of... No, not a human being alive. I know, but I'm searching for the word, but I commit. Yeah. That's another thing I want to say to you, Sagarra, okay? Is that sometimes I don't know what the word is, but I commit to whatever's coming out of my mouth. I know.

It's why you're hilarious. Yeah, so that's the thing. But that doesn't necessarily mean that I'm crazy. I don't think you're actually crazy. I think you have like, there's, you know, everyone's talking about the things that are kind of crazy about you. And that's why people go, he's kind of crazy. Yeah, but I don't view the...

And then people... I'm eccentric. Yeah. You're an eccentric person. I think that I'm a little eccentric. I just read or heard about a story that could have happened to you, since you had a booger wall when you grew up when you were growing up, right? Who didn't have a booger wall? I know.

I actually want to ask you guys if everyone had a booger wall? Was that the norm? I had a booger couch. I had, I feel like a booger square maybe. Yeah. But not a whole wall. I know yours is an entire wall. Some have walls, some have couches, and some have squares.

Can we say that? So this kid had an entire wall. entire booger wall for years and years and years so much so that it had valleys and peaks and they were like calcified and hard and one day apparently he scratched his back up against the booger wall

it caused the scratch and then it caused a staff infection that almost killed him and turned into like he turns fully septic from his booger wall and I thought about you yeah that's cool that that made her think about it that sounds about right

yeah yeah yeah but I wouldn't scratch my back because I have a scratcher. So that's there. No, he didn't intentionally scratch. Right. He scraped against it by accident. Oh, by accident. By accident.

Yeah. Yeah. It wasn't like that, my bugger wall. I was there for the booger wall. It was like that. Where was the booger wall, lady? In the Beechwood apartment, you had a designated booger wall. Yeah, but how much booger was on there?

Lots. Okay. It was like stalactite. And that's my badge. What did you think of the booger wall when you saw it? I don't know. I was just like, okay, this is him. not hiding it.

Yeah. I have other elements on those walls too. I have an earwax wall. Ew. Oh, no. Well, that's worse than bugger. You had an earwax wall?

Yeah. Here is one thing that I did have that I've never shared with you because I was thinking about it the other day and I kind of met your mom about it. It's fine. She's cleaning your flashlights. No, no.

It's not a flashlight. Your mom was? She didn't know that what they were. Oh, my God. She didn't know what it was. Yeah. I didn't know what it was, but, um, so you know,

mungy, you know what mungy is? Yeah, the dirt when you... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, you have mungy? I don't, I mean... When you scrub your arm in the shower like this? What do you mean? It's the rolled dirt that comes off. Okay, yeah, yeah. The dead skin.

Yeah, the dead skin. Uh-huh. I hit a mungy ball. Holy shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what I would do is I would take a shower, right? Then I let the skin dry a little bit, so you can get more friction in the mungy.

Mm-hmm. And all these black, you know what I mean? Yeah. Right? And I thought to myself, every time in a bath, I'm going to do this, my whole body, and see how big the ball can get, right? The ball became this big, solid mungy ball, right? And it just put it in the corner of the ledge of the window. Yeah.

And then your mom threw it away. And you're like, I don't know what, people call me crazy. What's that? No, but that's bored of it. I get bored. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's an eccentric thing. It's an eccentric little weird thing.

I don't eat it. You know what I think that would be crazy. Was he like your fucking mom threw away my munggy? Yeah. Yeah, a Mungy Ball. I'm sorry. She probably didn't realize what she had done. Yeah. Anyway.

So you have your show. Yeah. You're shooting it next week. Yeah, we start next week. Exciting. Yeah. And then you have your special. Special's out.

Did you have fun here or no? You always have fun here. I always have a good time. It was great. Yeah. Yeah. It was great. Teachers out on Netflix.

Please watch it. Bad Thoughts Season 2. We started filming coming out. He has a movie coming out. Frankie Koonanos is in it. Kirk Fox. It's going to be great. And what a great guy.

and I'm glad you're in town. You're gonna do spots where you're in town or no? I think during the production would be hard, man. Yeah, yeah. But I would, maybe at the end when I have a couple free days, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, give Tommy a round of applause. Thanks, guys. Thanks for having me.