TigerBelly - Zach Justice & Spreading The Lee Message
Episode Date: June 26, 2024Zach Justice (Dropouts Podcast) aka Bobby's padawan makes his first appearance! We chat being old, Margaritaville, dragon kiss, John Travolta, icky taste, first-class Kevin Smith, baby Chauncy, and th...e Bobby & George fight. Helix is offering up to 30% off all mattress orders AND two free pillows for our listeners! Go to www.helixsleep.com/belly This is their best offer yet and it won’t last long! With Helix, better sleep starts now.
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This episode is sponsored by Helix.
Helix is offering up to 30% off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners.
Go to helixsleep.com slash belly.
That's helixsleep.com slash belly.
This is their best offer yet and it won't last long.
With Helix, better sleep starts now. You don't use cans?
Do you use these or no?
You don't have to.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I rewatched Godzilla minus one last night for the third time.
Fantastic, isn't it?
I have problems with it now.
Oh, good, good, good.
Yeah, yeah.
I have big problems with the movie. Do you have problems with it?
No, I liked it. How many times have you seen it twice? Once a color one in black and white? Oh
I can white makes it a completely different. I said in sepia
More Western more Western more Western antique
Anyway is that justice more Western antique. Oh, I don't know. What are your problems with it? Anyway, Zach Justice.
Woo!
Dropouts.
Yeah!
Do you remember me?
His ex was Indiana, whatever the name.
That's my car.
What's that say?
Your ex was an Indiana Jones?
Yeah, yeah, she was Indiana Jones.
She's Indiana Jones.
Harrison Ford.
I like to say, I mean, I used to be
the characters of the movie, but he used to date Harrison Ford.
So that's great.
And he was great. It's in his old age
He wasn't as great of a lover just because his hips kind of give out
But besides that are you not gonna put these on because I was bullied into it
He just meditated
Really I get into meditation saying every once in a while. Are you feeling you experience in life to the fullest?
I just woke up so I have no idea what I literally just woke. I'm just I just woke up
I don't know every time I'm here. I woke up, but my point is is that um
Zack's you know when I did your podcast how long long ago was that a year and a half if I?
My calendar is right in my room. Yeah, and it was uh
He was quite an experience
Positive negative I like to think you ever thought about it since like that's how I like to think that you haven't thought about it since.
Like that's how I like to think about it.
Were you bamboozled into it, weren't you?
Oh, oh we were.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I heard you were bamboozled into it.
He was promised things.
No gift bag, we weren't even bamboozled.
Bamboozled.
I heard that you thought that you were gonna
see a woman there and it was just too.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I just, no, that's not bamboozled.
What was it, Trix?
It wasn't like I was like, oh I'm gonna do it because his groove, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, be defensive. Come on, Jack, don't read her out. No, you too, man.
Me too?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, let me say something.
This is what it made me feel like.
When I showed up like, oh,
she still wanna be here because of me.
No, no, no, no.
It hurt my feelings.
It was more that our hearts had separated
in such a way that we're in pain.
You were broken up then.
We had broken up.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, we'll get back together if you need me to though.
How are you feeling today? I feel like I'm excluding you from. You're not. had broken up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, we'll get back together if you need me to though. How are you feeling today?
I feel like I'm excluding you from.
You're not.
Okay, okay.
Our hearts are no longer in pain.
Yeah, please don't lock the dies with her.
Oh, yes ma'am.
Yeah, yeah.
Yes ma'am.
Yes ma'am.
Yes ma'am.
I have questions about this.
So you pod, like Bobby and I,
you pod casted with your ex for how long?
As long as we could do it for.
We probably did it for like two years.
We didn't start off dating though.
I think we dated like a year or two actually
into the podcast.
You just spend that much time with people
and then you look in their eyes one day,
there's a twinkle.
Whoa.
Oh, I do want to say this off the rip.
You guys were one of the reasons we started doing podcasting
and we just did our four year episode.
No way. Congratulations. We influence. You guys were one of the reasons we started doing podcasting and we just did our four-year episode
When I first moved to LA
My people have heard the story many times, but it was it was pretty rough But you guys kept me going with my little screen on my laptop
My little bunk bed
Were we still in the old studio that time with a? Oh brother, I've seen so many studios.
Hey brother, what was it, yeah?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, you're OG, like way.
You're OG.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're OG, yeah, you're OG.
Yeah, you helped me out with my racism, I appreciate it.
Well, I mean, did you get, now did you get a little trouble
from the little bit of, like, cause I, listen,
I just have to say, I've had calls from people,
not from, about you, but other white dudes that go,
hey dude, I'm in a little trouble right now
because when I was with you I did an Asian accent.
You mean Jared?
You literally made him do an Asian accent.
I know, my point is no, but there's other dudes
that I've done it with in the past, and then they come.
So I'm, being an Asian guy, how do you feel about it it I don't mind it we live in a very specific world the specific world
of racism yeah I just think as a like all of us being Asians in this room like
we shouldn't it's it's really yeah what is your go to Asian accent do you go to?
I want to know what region like how does your sound are you more like railroad or I? It's kind of like the oh
No, no, no, I call East Asians railroad. Yeah, yeah, we're island. We're island
Do a railroad accent I forget what that sounds like
Yeah, yeah, oh it's all the live long day
Yeah, they used to sing that on the fucking when they're building those with the Irish long day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Live long day, yeah. Yeah, they used to sing that on the fucking, when they were building those with the Irish.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Anyway, because the Irish and the Chinese built the railroads together.
Why are you so confused?
I know history.
What are you in?
Filipino.
Oh my gosh.
What are you?
Can you sing?
No, it's so sad.
Oh my God, can I tell you?
Is that racist?
That's positive.
Positive racist.
No, she's the boxing kind.
Positive racist.
Okay, okay. She's the boxing kind. The billiards and boxing kind.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, that Jean completely skipped me.
No dancing, no dancing, no singing.
No, like, grand karaoke.
Like, he's the musician between the both of us.
Yeah, she...
If I give you a word, could you go off of and just kind of sing a little tune for me?
I'm gonna take these off.
Take those off.
That was a power move.
I could only, I could not hear you for whatever reason even though we're all in
one mic and I could only hear you and that that felt like a quality wasn't in
the room. You do what's comfortable then. Yes. I mean it's just you abruptly did
it and it was shocking. Yes sir I know it was my surprise. I know but anyway okay
go ahead. Okay. What were you asking me?
I just feel like you could,
if I give you the term jelly bean, like what?
Jelly bean in my bag.
The colors are all over the rainbow.
Because it's June, great reference.
Right.
One tastes like cherries, one tastes like orange.
Something like that.
Yeah.
I don't mean this in any negative way.
I wouldn't turn my chair around if I was on a certain show.
Oh.
Like the voice?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But I'm sure.
Oh, I didn't know I was doing the voice.
No, no, you were.
Jelly beans.
Right there.
Thank you so much.
Do you think when they have celebrity people come?
Why are you, first of all.
What dude?
I can't speak to anybody in this room.
I'll tell you what's going on.
I'll tell you what's going on right now and I don't like it.
Okay, yes sir.
What's going on right now is because you're a podcaster.
I was trying to take over.
You're taking over and we're not doing this right now.
No I get it.
Lean back, lean back.
Alright, lean back.
Alright.
How far back? No, yeah, yeah. You got, lean back. All right, lean back. All right.
How far back?
No, yeah, yeah.
You got a little nervous, like, well, I'm going to have to, like, do my thing, you know
what I mean?
And show my muscle.
And right, we don't do, Alex, right?
We don't do that in this town.
I just want to strong arm the situation.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Very wide-open.
I want you to be nervous.
I want you to have no control.
Yes, sir.
Okay?
What's so funny?
It's a classic.
I need you.
How many girls have heard that same thing?
No, no, no.
No, no. That's very funny.
I'll sit here.
No, that's five.
But my point is this.
So, you know, you're in your comfort zone.
You're not in your comfort zone.
I actually am.
Really?
Yeah, yeah.
I think you guys are delightful people.
You keep talking.
That's the thing.
Brother, this is what I do for a living.
No, I'm not talking anymore.
He's very good. What I'm saying is that you talk to fill the space. Yeah. And you know, when I go on dates with women, don't you hate when you're in a date with somebody? And they're like, well, what do we talk about? It's like, if we're not comfortable being in silence, this ain't gonna work out dog. Yeah, but that first date, it's it's pain. Silence really is that painful. I can't do it
I can't do it either like I can't have dead space
We bet aren't you like a professional dater at this point like don't you find you bitch?
I mean don't aren't you no yeah, you're right like that was a compliment. Oh, that was good. Yes, all right
Sorry, my bad if I'm gonna speak up any time is for a woman go ahead. Don't treat her like that. Thank you
Wow, we're talking about I talked to all my friends like that. Okay. Okay. That's how I know. Why are you getting involved? You're too kind to me. Why are you getting involved? You're right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Back up. Yes, sir. That's your last name. Justice. What the fuck? Who has a last name like Victoria? Justice. My dad was in the military at one point. He's captain justice. I don't know if you want me to speak yet, but I thought it was cool. Really? Your dad was named captain justice? Yeah, one time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That is cool.
I do think that your name sort of gets you far in life
and you should be really careful with naming babies
and what last name you carry, don't you think?
Yeah.
Is Justice Captain Justice?
Yeah.
I bet you are on the promotion list every single time
just for having a catchy name.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, and then, I don't know, it's tough
because I got a really cool name.. And then, I don't know, it's tough because I got a really cool name.
I'm tall, I don't know.
Depending on the situation, charismatic.
I'm not showing it here fully,
but just knowing the right setting
I can be charismatic. We'll get there.
And like, you know, so like everything.
I don't actually, to be honest with you,
and that's the fact.
There's just certain things that worked out in my life
because of that. I don't think it has.
Physical. Yeah, yeah. Wait, I have a question for you both. Yes, ma'am. to be honest with you, and that's a fact. There's just certain things that worked out in my life because of physical.
Yeah, yeah.
Wait, I have a question for you both.
Yes, ma'am.
On dates, you really let like dead air happen, Bobby?
And do you, I can't imagine you.
What do you think?
I think a lot of things.
Silence, you allow for silence to happen
and just like awkward staring.
If we were on a legit date right now,
how would you interact?
I just, you're doing that that thing again and I love it.
So you know what, I wouldn't appease you
because you're my guest.
Thank you, sir.
You're leaning forward, you're being trying to,
it's your dominance, I don't like it.
It's not really a dominance thing.
Yeah, yeah, get your hand away from me, please.
That was pretty close.
All right, what's so funny?
What is going on here?
So let's go one by one.
You said the first two dates,
yes, I know how to add information.
And I know how to say something funny.
Look at the hills or whatever.
What's so funny?
Don't talk about her breath.
How soon in the conversation are you bringing up her breasts?
No, the actual hills in that.
Oh, I know.
In the driving.
Oh, okay.
Yay, yay, yay.
I wouldn't call her tits.
If they were so small that they were hills,
I don't think I would bring it up.
I'd go mountains.
Then I would do it.
Gotcha.
Gotcha.
You know what I mean?
Gotcha.
OK.
Mount Fuji.
You usually pick on a Japanese girl.
In this setting, you've picked her up,
because the first conversation is.
I always pick it up.
OK.
Yeah.
My thing now is, I don't know if I should even
talk about it, but I'll just, ah, forget it.
No, please do.
It's been a couple of times where I've been on dates
and they've said now, I'm too old.
You know what I mean?
So it's like, you know, but they go,
they wait for the second or third date to say it.
And I'm kind of like, say it in the beginning.
Or don't, and also if that's an issue,
you know what I mean, then just don't say yes to the date.
Well, I find it interesting that yes,
you are right in that if that is their age parameter
that they put on their settings, I don't see why.
What do you mean settings?
Oh, you mean on dating sites?
Yeah, because you meet these girls on dating sites, right?
No, sometimes I meet them live in the wild.
That is tricky with you though
because you do have rhino hide skin
and that like you really do look young.
He looks young and he carries young.
I guess 50 if I had to.
I'm assuming younger.
God, that one man.
What you doing, what you doing?
But my point, yeah thank you, I mean.
Yeah.
How old are you? I'm 28.
Wow.
I'm just spry, that's all I am.
You're spry.
You are spry.
Yeah, yeah, you're boyish.
Well congratulations, I mean,
well you have your whole future ahead of you.
And I'm so very, very, very, very.
It depends on if the gun jams, but I get you.
That's a funny joke.
You shoot me?
No, me, brother.
Okay, all right, brother.
We can share in one point.
Okay, so if somebody's 28 and I ask them out
and they say yes and then the third day they go,
you're too old.
But why aren't you dating a little bit older
or is that just like your preference?
That's a great question.
You enjoy.
And I have a great answer.
You hate the way women age?
Like what if we had the like ballparking?
Threw me away at 36, 37, right?
Well, he text me beforehand.
He said he's like, he's like, dude, they started wrinkling.
And he just said they I was like, what does that mean?
He goes, I never said that.
And you can't even remember her name because she's like, she doesn't look the same.
Can we just can we get back to the truth then?
Yeah, let's get back to the truth.
And again, I'm derailing on funnies and sillies
and this isn't my place.
You're doing great.
No, I wanna apologize.
You're doing well tonight.
Go ahead.
All right, so first of all, the two or three
that I have mentioned are ones that hit on me first.
Okay. Right?
So they hit on me first.
And then I always look at their profile
to see like
What they do for living or maybe just to get a gist of just general lifestyle or whatnot, right?
And so then you know, it's not as if like I go, you know
They they also on Raya they like me first now because every time I like somebody they never liked me back
So I just kind of wait until they like me first and then I like them back. So my point is being is that,
and I'm right in my name,
it's the biggest fucking font on the fucking thing,
your age, right?
So it's like.
So they know.
They know, it's just after the second or third date
then they go, yeah, you're too old.
And I'm like, okay, go ahead.
I think I know why they wait till the third date.
It's because he starts getting mad
with they don't know 1950s references
and he starts yelling at them.
And then they're probably like, okay,
I cannot keep up with his Kurosawa references,
like I'm out, you're too old.
When he came on our podcast, it was Vietnam this
and bowing that.
Exactly. It was strange.
Yeah, he gets deep into that stuff.
And then he shows it.
Do you think I go, wow, that situation's like Yo-Himbo.
Like I, I, I, I, I, I, I mean.
No, that's not what you say.
How Rashomon over you.
You're a fucking mind.
This is how you say it.
You're like, how do you not know Yo-Himbo is how you say it.
I don't say that.
I don't say that.
That is.
Yes it is, cause on ours you're like,
let's talk about the Battle of the Bulge.
I was like, dude, can we just talk about that?
I never said that.
I never said anything about it.
I said it.
I've never heard of Battle of the Budge.
About Hamburger Hill just because of the movie.
You're like, how do you load your musket?
I said, dude, let's just.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I never said the musket thing, all right?
You know that would be true, okay?
What I'm saying is, I think you're wrong about it.
Now, I do go, okay, so I am dating somebody
that knows the Velvet Underground, the Beatles, right?
And she even, she goes, do you know this
Velvet Underground, Lou Reed song?
I had never even heard of it.
You know what I mean?
It's like something Charlie's, you know what I mean?
I can show it, but anyway, and I go, oh yeah, I've heard of it.
And I was kind of playing in her car,
but then at home I went and fucking put it on my playlist.
I'd never heard of it.
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You introduce me to her
I just feel like we're better match. No, why age-wise?
What is okay? Let me just say let me say one last thing and I get I get it
I get what people are saying, but let's. But there would be no, if Theo's dad, Vaughn,
if Theo's dad, I'm fucking so mad,
Theo Vaughn's dad was what, 70, right?
And his mom was in the mid-20s or whatever.
If they had a baby, there would be no Theo Vaughn.
In fact, I think you get a Theo, there would be no Theo Vonn.
In fact, I think you get a Theo Vonn
when you have old sperm and young.
It's like a fucking chemistry class.
But as someone who comes from...
You too!
I know.
My parents had a 36 year age gap.
Fucking creepy.
Like when you're a child.
You would not exist without that combination.
I understand that,
but there was a very conscious
discomfort I felt when I looked at my dad
and my mom together, and I understood the age disparity,
very, very young.
I just have a simple question.
When did they meet?
So he was in his late 50s, I think he was 56,
and she was early 20s, they have 36 years, he was 57, she was 22.
I thought you were going to throw a 12 at me. I was like, these arranged marriages get weird, but alright.
You know, and it was, yeah, like I got, I am creeped out by it. Even though I love my dad, I love my mom, like it's just.
Are they still attending this earth?
He's really dead. No, he's not attending this earth? He's really dead, no he's not attending this earth.
He's super dead.
He went to God's grave.
He would have been 100 this year in August.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And yeah.
What I'm saying though, though, chemistry wise,
it's happened throughout the history of time
and I want to say you're one of the greatest people
I've ever met in my life.
He's just too old and wrinkly, like I get it.
No, no, that's not what it was, that's not what it is.
I can define myself. I can define myself to the end of time. I know that's not what it is. You
can't even look at her, but I get it. You can look down the line.
So I'm looking at Filipino Jessica Tandy. Oh my God, I love Jessica Tandy.
Lover. All right. So my point my point is that's not what it is,
and it's like, and two of my most favorite people
in the whole world, not you, Kailila and Theovon,
were a product of that combination.
And if that hadn't happened,
I wouldn't have you two in my life is all I'm saying.
It's a valid point.
And we can move on.
We can move on from here, okay?
Thank you.
You're welcome.
So are you seeing somebody now?
I am not.
I find that...
There we go.
Here we go.
Don't lean back like I'm about to go on some long monologue.
You know what?
No.
I'm with that, brother.
Take a sip of your Red Bull and keep this thing moving.
You're...
On the...
Your fucking attitude right now is fucking
My attitude is the passive aggressive you asked me one question on this podcast. It's
Here we go. Let's see what this generation has to say
No, that's not what I did and you're just perceiving it that way and all you based on your perception
He's been throwing little birds under the table so only I can see him. He'll throw a little middle finger up
He said no, I do sign language dude all right in the underneath
I didn't know what it meant okay so my point is this okay see there's another Asian reference no it's not yeah yeah
it makes so much sense he's been watching tiger Billy for so long I'm
seeing little slim it uh similar there is a little bit of influence influence
there's a little bit of influence good as So as much as you hate me, just know you hate yourself.
I'm nothing but a white mirror, brother.
That's...
We're nothing alike.
All right, we're not in the WWF 1980s, okay?
Stop calling me brother and man and all that kind of stuff.
It's, right?
That's how I just feel.
That's how you, yeah?
Kid?
Yeah, I love that. Yeah.
A little Pocahontas.
Well, that's more over here.
Yeah, you got to say that.
No, I don't think. All right.
Chachi, I'm going to run away with her like John Smith.
You're going to be so sad with her.
Yeah. Yeah. He's got somebody.
Oh, how is it? How is it?
It's good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
It's thick, thick.
How do you know? You know, I see them. I met them. Yeah. Big dick. There's some people you're How do you know? You know.
I've seen him, I've met him.
Yeah, but you've had it.
Thick dick.
There's some people you're like, you know.
You know, yeah, yeah.
The thickest of all of them all.
Thick dick.
Is there any, is it weird at all doing a podcast
with your ex?
Like what is your significant other thing about that?
Like every day or every week?
I preface every single date and meeting
with the I'm best friends with my ex. This is a non-negotiable
I love him. He's a part of my life
If that is something that you'll never be okay with speak now or forever hold your peace. That's it
It's like you're still there finishing each other's sentences
And there were some dudes who were cool with it like in the beginning and as time went on you could tell that he was
Really great in the beginning and as time went on you could tell that he was really grating on their soul. And I was just like I'm sorry I told you like upfront.
But sometimes he would do this thing. That he would do the Django.
He would do the Django and change dance. If he knew I was on the phone with.
That dance might be dicey.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
He would do this thing where if he knew I was on a phone
with a boy, he would bargain.
And barge.
And say, babe, where's my spaghetti?
That's right.
Really loud.
Oh, nice.
Right?
That's great.
Are you guys still under the same roof?
No, no, no, no, no.
He would just say that, just to say that,
because he wanted to exert dominance
Okay, I thought you were still like charging into a room
That was in the past. He would enter my space. Yes, then he would be like, babe, where's my spaghetti?
He would do things like that and
And do the jingle and chain dance. Was that for a giggle inside or was that some way of saying please don't leave?
Were you grasping at? This is all lies. I wanna say this to you now.
What part to lie?
I have no idea what you're saying.
The babe might, where's my spaghetti part?
Yeah, I never said that.
But could I say this?
Real quick, because I just had an instinctual thing
to say something.
Okay, yeah.
I think you're the future.
And I wanna, you.
And I wanna say that when I get old,
my business is not going well, my career is going down, I need kids like you to bring me back up.
In what way?
Just have me on your pod and try to keep my name alive.
I have.
Give me your, put your hand out.
Yeah, yeah, of course.
I can touch you now.
Okay.
And what I want to say to you is that I anoint you, Padawan, and I anoint
you, future king, and I anoint you, a man who is gonna spread the Lee message
throughout the history of time. Amen and God bless. Wow, first time that's happened.
Yeah, I know it's your first anointing. You've never, I've never had a Padawan.
It means the world because I just, I know it. It's your first anointing? You've never, I've never had a padawan.
It means the world,
because I just, I know you've been down this journey before
and I know that the things that I can learn from you
can't be taught in schools.
It can't be taught in schools now.
It can't be taught now or ever, you know what I mean?
But you learn by watching.
And I'll watch you.
And you watch and learn.
You don't watch?
No, I'll watch you any time.
Yeah, yeah, watch me do what?
Anything.
Okay. There are things, yeah, watch me do what? Anything. Okay.
Yeah.
There are things, why are you moving, dude?
Please.
Okay, dude.
Do I jump in as a sidewalk?
No, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, now you've got my guy.
Hey, dude!
Dude, we're working here, man!
If you're going to come in and take pictures of us while we're working.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, dude.
I don't go to your job, and you know what I mean, whatever, whatever.
You know what I mean, whatever they say.
Okay, so anyway, stop.
And then what, can I throw out like a...
Back up though.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah.
Throw out whatever you want.
Okay. You know what I mean? Whatever, whatever. You know what I mean? Whatever they say. Okay?
So anyway, stop.
Can I throw out like a...
Back up though.
Yeah, yeah.
Throw out what?
I was just gonna throw out something pretty degrading.
Yeah, say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I love it.
Feel terrible.
You fucking, go ahead, you fucking.
Idiot?
No, no, go even, what does it look like?
Like the dumbest person?
No, no, no, you albino gorilla.
Look at him, he's a gorilla, look gorilla his arms. Can I just ask one question you have any?
African American in you at all okay? Whoa dude that was fucking heavy to I didn't want to throw
That's something that I would I wouldn't do that did not want to throw a grill out there because of that
You know I would never do it if you there was okay. No, but I don't know yeah
Yeah, if I cut that reference up you're the one that made that connection.
Cut that out.
Now I can't even do the gorilla line.
Right, so yeah, yeah.
My brother's black, so I have to.
My point is that you're not really learning right now.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah, that's not something I would do.
That wouldn't do that.
You just do it and then you pay the consequences later.
Right?
I father did that.
Yeah, you never get the fucking facts.
Okay. So what else does he look like? Those eyes look like he's like, you never get the fucking facts. Okay.
So what else does he look like?
Look at his eyes.
Go say something about his eyes.
Your eyes are big and dumb.
No, no, no.
Yeah, yeah.
Are they like, you know what I mean, running away from each other?
Oh, they're...
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
God, what are they, running away from each other?
No, no, just something else because how you know they're spread apart.
Something better?
Something good?
Something better about the eyes.
Go ahead.
And their... Fish. Fish eyes. No, no, she just said it. Okay. apart good it's something better about the eyes go ahead and they're fish no
no she just said it okay and no one say that you do it go ahead anything yeah
but his eyes your eyes are running away from each other and they're already good
dude you know what I like the way you put them together okay thank you that was
really bright yeah they're very that's why people stealing from minority I know
again and I can make it in your own put it like it's my joke. Yeah, yeah. Gotcha. Um, do you, do you, are you a Nickelodeon kid? I forget.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I was there with Dan Schneider. No, no, no, be real. How did
you get your start? Uh, I moved out. So I was in, okay, the very start, the inception.
I was born in Las Vegas, Nevada. Oh my God. You're a Vegas kid? If that's okay. Yeah.
And then my mom met a guy on eHarmony,
similar to you in the field,
but she was like probably agent zero.
And they started dating, they met up three times,
he flew out to Vegas, he proposed on one knee
during happy hour at a Margaritaville.
And then we-
The Jimmy Buffet one?
Yep, yes, the one that's being closed right now.
Can we talk about Margaritaville, please? No, yes, yes, man. The one that's being closed right now. Stop, stop, can we talk about Markov and Fred Bill? Please, no, you got it, right?
The bar. Right, I got it.
What is it?
I've seen it around.
Well, it's a song that they turned into a bar.
Margaritaville.
Yeah.
That's all I know about it.
Right, so then, it's got green fonts or whatever,
and a yellow.
It's got very tropical.
Is there like green and yellow in it?
You were nailing it.
It's like a five-year-old coming up to their mom,
like, put a pin on that.
OK, so what I remember is it's got green and yellow.
And everybody's like, good job, Bobby.
And then he's like, and then we move on?
Is that how it usually goes in here?
Yeah, exactly.
OK, that felt demeaning, and I didn't mean it like that.
It's fine.
No, I like it.
No, you don't.
You don't.
See, it's fake. So hey, let me cut that out. So I wouldn't ask about Margaret
We're marina. Okay. What do they serve their only margaritas?
No, I mean it was a fun place to like dance and drink cuz I lived in Vegas for a couple years and
Mexican TV no, okay, but it was on the strip
It was on Las Vegas Boulevard
and it was just a fun place to get like fucked.
They never carted me there because I was like 17.
Oh wow, here we go.
Going to Margaritaville.
That's where she was proposed to.
That is where she was proposed to
and then we uprooted our life
and moved to South Georgia, town of a thousand.
Right when we got there, they had a KKK rally in the town.
It was very odd.
We stayed there for my foreseeable future,
got into sports and friendship.
What's sports, please?
I play tennis, if that's OK.
Wow.
I'm a tennis guy, too.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Weird.
White mirror.
I mean, now I'm pickleball adjacent.
I know.
Ooh.
I love pickles.
I mean, we could play some time together.
As a tennis player though,
did you initially think pickleball was a joke?
I did, I scoffed at it in many ways.
I looked down upon it, like it was poor and I was rich.
But that's a word, that's a very good word.
Scoff.
Yeah, but I don't know, now I have-
That's an old-timey word, so don't ever make fun
of my new age because that's an old-timey word.
No, no, no, you felt more comfortable
with past references, so I'm trying to throw a couple things in there that make you feel- He knows we're old. age, because that's an old-timey word. No, no, no, you felt more comfortable with past references,
so I'm trying to throw a couple things in there.
He knows we're old.
No, you guys aren't old.
I think, I mean, I think you're young-ish.
Almost 40, yeah.
Yeah.
And then we, okay, what's the timeline?
Oh, I went to college for a girl.
I was supposed to go up to UPenn to do college.
Instead, I stayed back for a girl,
played a year of tennis.
She was my high school sweetheart.
We broke up. I moved to LA, where I lived in a two-bedroom
apartment. Why'd you come to LA? I came for a TV film. Yeah. So you wanted to be an
actor? Correct. Did it work out? I mean I'm young so I hope so. I don't think so.
I don't think so. This is my opinion. I'm kidding. I don't think it ever will. No, I think it will. No, no,
no. Keep going. Oh, so I live in a two bedroom apartment, nine square feet,
10 guys living in it that I didn't know. Um, I'm living there,
eating dollar store food every day, watching tiger belly,
trying to figure out how to survive. Uh, one thing leads to another.
This middle aged man moves in. We're sharing a bunk bed.
I think he's going to murder all of us in the middle of the night.
We moved to a three-bedroom apartment Jared
Who I do the podcast with now we share a room get really close. So yeah podcasts. I like I'm here
Yeah, he's good. God. What a guy what a man. What a man. What a guy
You know, he he's one of those guys that like you never think we get the women, but he doesn't.
And he does it through sheer likeability is likeability.
I think he breaks them down.
I think he gets them when they're vulnerable.
So he'll find them right after a breakup
or at the end of a relationship that's not going well,
and he'll sneak in, he'll throw the Peter around.
I heard it's not bad.
This is a safe space.
You can tell me what you don't like about Jared.
What I don't like is just, he has this, yeah, there he is.
Well is he a guy then who loves the role of being rebound?
Oh yeah, yeah, he'll go in there.
He'll sneak through anything.
But he is cute.
You have to meet him.
And also when I met him, he didn't look like that.
No, no, no beard.
He changed his whole thing.
He looks cool.
He changed everything.
Yeah, he looks cool there.
Thank you.
Before when I met him, I'm like, oh my God, are you gonna shoot looks cool. He changed everything. Yeah, he looks cool there. Thank you.
Before when I met him I'm like,
oh my God, are you gonna shoot up a school?
I mean, I'd put that in there,
but my point is that he looked like he was unhinged almost.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, he'll take any opportunity he can with the women.
But he looks great now.
I mean, if that's what he's rolling with, then you know.
I feel like you guys have risen since I last saw you.
Risen in what kind of way?
Is the podcast more popular?
It's been doing okay as of recent.
I think it's on a downward trajectory as of now.
All podcasts are, to be honest with you.
And also, you know, we have an old saying here.
What is it?
Just stop.
No, no, no.
We have an old saying here.
What is it?
See, that's what he looked like.
See, that one, I...
Oh, wow.
That's so different.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So that's who I met. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's who I met.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
To that.
See what happened, success.
He grew.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's like, I'm gonna eat more meat or whatever.
Yeah.
I think also he just,
it seems like he just grew into his manliness.
Yeah.
Because he looks like a boy in that picture.
He's all toothed right there, look at that.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
That is something that we do bring up a lot.
We do call him Bailey Beaver.
Yeah.
Because of his last name, but we don't mean it.
It's an evil large teeth like that,
I would strongly recommend you whiten them.
They are white.
No, they have a yellow hue, maybe it's a shirt.
Can I say something, if I see a guy with impeccable veneers that are too white,
it's an ick.
It's not an ick for me.
It's an absolute ick for me.
It's a win for me.
No, I need some character.
I need a little bit of a gap and a little bit of jagged tooth,
maybe a little bit of crowding on the bottom.
So cute.
You're looking for a stepdad.
Yeah, maybe.
There's a lot out there.
Yeah, I'm looking for toothless.
I'm looking for someone who's just so down and out.
Well, that's why you like me? You like me? Yeah, you owe me a nine teeth out there. Yeah, I'm looking for toothless. I'm looking for someone who's still down and out. Well, that's why you like me? You like me?
Yeah, you only had nine teeth.
I was like, I'm in.
Give me those nine teeth.
Yeah, it's strange.
I don't want that to be out there.
People already know.
Yeah, people know.
Everyone knows.
Do you only have nine teeth at one point?
No, no, no, I still don't.
But my point is, yeah, yeah.
He still only has nine teeth.
Yeah, so my point is, I'm afraid that they're gonna be like,
well, because people listen to these,
that's what sucks about dating,
is you have all this information out there
that you say, what's wrong?
Oh, I just know, is this a real picture?
I can't help that.
Zoom in, zoom in, zoom in, zoom in.
Is that you?
Yeah, that's me. It is him.
Why are the teeth so different?
Yeah, I was doing a sketch, those are fucking. Yeah, those are fake teeth.
I was like, bro.
Dude, what the fuck, dude?
I was like, your teeth look great.
No, no, no, no.
Actually, I still have those fake teeth because you brought them back.
Yeah, yeah, I have those fake teeth.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Anyway, can you, the hair, oh my God.
What are you doing?
I just see what you guys got here.
You got a little knickknack.
Do you like perfect teeth on women?
Like, what's the deal?
I mean, if they're all there, I do enjoy it.
If they're not, I won't go looking.
Do you like a little, like?
That's a good slogan.
That's a great slogan.
Say it again.
I like them if they're all there.
If they're not, I won't go looking.
I think that's a country-western song.
If they ain't there, I won't go looking.
But if they are there, I'm hard as can be.
Little girl come and sit on my.
Yeah, don't say little girl.
Well, we're gonna rewrite the song.
You know what I mean?
It's a first draft.
Yeah, it is, right.
So when you, so you're not dating,
but when you go on a date,
how many dates does it take for you to go in for a kiss?
Oh, first, yeah, of course first date.
Yeah, why not?
Is that like something?
You were looking around as,
or do you guys oppose that sentiment?
Yeah, is that like a revelation?
I agree.
I think you're right.
What's the move though?
Here's what I, right now, I'm learning different things,
and this is the truth.
So, one of the signs that I see is, so let's say we're
at dinner, put your arms on the table, right? This is the first date and if
somebody's doing this, like if I make a joke, because I'm very funny, yeah, if they
do that, like if I go, yeah, and that's what the Jew is a calabasas. I don't know.
Great punch line. I hate that punch line. You know what I mean? Yeah, that's what the Jew is a calabasas. I don't know.
Great punch line.
I hate that punch line, you know what I mean?
Yeah, that's what the ringworm said.
No, don't do that.
Yeah, yeah, so laugh, so laugh.
That's what the ringworm said.
Like that.
If that's, no, you're doing it wrong.
Yeah, well I wasn't feeling it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Your eyes doesn't seem like you wanna be here.
Well, brother, the girl.
Is that how you handle it?
Like the girl's like, your eyes don't look like
you want to be here.
No, no, no, no.
So, with their touching you, right, that's a good sign.
But if there's no any kind of physical touch,
that means there's no interest at all.
That's what I realized.
It's mathematics. There are people, or there are men who do not read no interest at all. That's what I realized. It's mathematics.
There are people, or there are men,
who do not read social cues at all,
who will still go in for the kiss,
and it's so fucking awkward,
where you're basically pulling away the whole time,
and they still think that the goodnight kiss
or the goodbye kiss is right around the corner.
It's so humiliating.
What do you say?
I dodge.
You dodge?
Oh, yeah.
I have no problem saying no.
Yeah.
Like at this age.
Maybe when I was younger, I would have dove in, but.
I got denied from a kiss recently.
Can I know if I was in the wrong?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So I took this lovely broad to...
No.
That's good.
I think that's a problem.
She sounds lovely.
I didn't say that in front of her.
That's only for the boys to hear, like you, and half of you.
Okay.
So I was hanging out with this wonderful woman.
I took her to a Lakers game.
I like to do things where there's an event happening,
conversation, lulls, we got something else to do.
The break of silence.
What are the seats?
Are there good seats?
I mean, they're third row, baby.
The podcast is doing fantastic.
Wow, okay.
That's impressive.
Do you see Jack there?
Jack?
Oh, Nicholson.
He was not there.
I think he was getting a colonoscopy or something.
I don't know what he was doing.
Anyway, so it was approaching New Year's.
And Jared was very into the girl's best friend.
And we were trying to see if we could set him up
for a New Year's kiss, something sweet, something innocent.
And I was like, all right, here's a code word.
You talk to the girl, I'll talk to Jared.
If they both seem like they wanna kiss each other,
we'll have a code word for each other, say it's pineapple.
And then we're on-
Which I learned is a very tricky code word
because that used to be my safe word.
Until.
Until, it's a swinger's thing.
Oh, is it?
Yeah, pineapple is like the universal sign
for swinger's.
They can't take pineapple.
They took pineapples.
The swinger's, come up with a different word please dude they took
they literally I'm a granite pomegranate they won't back down from pineapple it's
there okay fine okay and then okay sorry about that no no no you're okay I love
you so mad no I get it that's a great fruit so we're coming back in an uber
and we're like still talking about that situation and then I look at her I was
like well if we happen to have a first kiss
Do we need a safe word or do you know word to like integrate it and she's like flirting back?
She's like let me think what about like dragon and then and then I'm like okay
She definitely wants to kiss me on New Year's because she just gave me a word like of course the banter is going well
We're experiencing life together to the fullest we get out. I take her to her car.
She's sitting there.
She's looking in my eyes, moonlit.
I don't know if I brought that up, but the sun was not out.
So I'm looking at her and I'm just, she's about to leave.
And I say, hey, you know,
I can't wait to get Jared and her together.
I was like, wait, what was our code word again?
In case we want to kiss.
And then she says, oh, it was dragon. I'm like, that, that's what it was. Then I like leaned in and she goes, and then she says oh it was dragon I'm
like that that's what it was then I like leaned in she goes and she laughs and
closed the door and I was like oh oh wait she didn't say dragon no she did say
dragon little pickup artist and then I was like oh I guess you said it so now
we have to yeah I went in for a kiss and then she laughed and closed the door in
front of me I just wanted to know if like I read the signals wrong but you did she
laughs but it's not like you went in hard either
Oh brother. I was how hard you have to go. Yeah, I mean I was Osama bin long were those lips
I was going in like seal team
Scoping out each clear and I was heading there
But I really was you're really a good pattern one, but um okay, so
Okay, so this is the head okay? That's the head how far were the head? I'm gonna show you how fast I go in.
Yeah. Okay.
Why are your eyes so open, brother?
Oh, I should close, wait, wait.
I'll take your right hand.
Sure, close it.
So creepy.
Boy, that's low.
You're like that one bachelor, Matt James,
who kissed all of the bachelorettes with his eyes open.
I'm gonna use this as a prop.
Don't round eye her while you're going in.
I'm not gonna round eye her. This is great, this is great, his eyes open. I'm gonna use this as a prop. Don't round eye her while you're going in. I'm not gonna round eye her.
This is great, this is great, this is great.
I'm learning, all right?
So you know what I mean?
Yeah.
So this is how, so you're saying close my eyes?
I would.
At least halfway there, start closing.
Can I be?
Yours got bigger as you went in.
Can I be more stony about it?
You don't wanna miss a thing. Is this
good? It's less stony more sleepy. I think maybe just have yours regularly
open and it's totally fine. How about that? Yeah now you're good. Oh just the
noble then. That's what I was doing before! As you get closer. As you're getting closer then we start to shut.
Oh as I close as I get closer shot. Yeah, thank you so much
You were doing wrong as you get cross-eyed the closer you
Me too me too. Yeah, you definitely you
So uh
Okay, ah you sit close, but no just your face said something smells bad. Oh, okay
Wait, sorry
Oh Oh, OK. I'll just run out. Yeah. All right. Wait. Sorry. Oh.
Oh, OK.
That's not bad.
That's not bad.
Yeah, that's not bad.
Pretty good?
Yeah, yeah.
If I was an estrogen human, I think I'd like that.
OK, that was good.
Yeah.
Right?
Yeah, yeah.
Not bad.
The speed was good?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
The speed was good.
I think it all depends on the banter beforehand,
whether you lean in for that.
I mean, obviously, I'm not one to say that,
because mine was terrible.
But yeah.
I don't think your situation, it's not like you read it wrong. I think you just, it was
50 50. He took a chance. You rolled the dice. Yeah. And it was, it was a no, but that's
not that didn't read as awkward.
We did end up kissing later on a later date. Yeah. But it was just that time that was,
that was odd.
Say it.
No, I want to talk about, you know, when I get, when you get nervous, do you ever get That was odd. Say it.
No, I was just talking about,
you know, when you get nervous,
do you ever get nervous at dates?
No, not particularly.
Ever.
What?
No.
That's how confident you are?
It's not even a confidence thing.
I don't know, I've never,
I've been blessed with never having
any type of social anxiety.
So I kind of just go in, okay.
I don't think that I'm doing well.
Like if I know it's going bad, I can rationalize like, I'm absolutely bombing this.
But I'm never like, I'm nervous. I'm just like, okay, this is life.
How quickly does it leave your head?
You're driving home, you're like, wow, I got rejected.
Does it like leave your system that night or are you still thinking about it the days after?
I'm probably thinking about what I did wrong
so I can improve and the next OS that I put out next year
is gonna be a little bit better, just, you know what I mean?
Yeah.
What I've been doing lately is I've been like,
because I date so many young girls,
I confuse history with some of them.
You know what I mean?
Like, she'll say something, I go,
oh, like when your sister went to Columbia University
and that thing happened, she's like,
my sister didn't, I don't have a sister.
Wrong girl.
And I go, oh, I know, I know, I know.
I get nervous, you know?
But the other night I got nervous,
so this is what happened, Saturday night,
I was at the Comedy Store, and I see Britney Furlong.
Right.
And then I see Tommy Lee, the drummer from Miley Cyrus.
And I had met him already so I go, hey Tommy,
and then I see John Travolta next to him.
And he goes, hello there.
And I go, he goes, hello there.
And Tommy kinda gives me a side hug and I go to John
and I go, hi, my name is Bobby.
And he goes, oh, hello.
I go, you're John Travolta.
And he's like.
Because I wanted him to go, my name is John.
Because I was waiting for that.
But then I realized, oh, obviously, everyone
knows it's John Travolta.
So then I had to fill in that gap.
So I go, I kid you're John Travolta.
You know what I mean? And they got really weird. And then here's what's sad.
I gotta say the saddest part about it. So Stephen Fury, we love him. Don't we?
You know Stephen Fury? One of the best young comics in the world.
He used to open for me. I think he's got a bright future ahead of him and I
love him. So he, you know, it's his show. So he invites Brittany Schmidt, Brittany
Furlong. So, Brittany Furlong.
So then Brittany Furlong brings Tommy Lee, John Travolta,
and John Travolta's family.
Wow, okay.
But no one shows up to the show in the Belly Room.
No one else.
No, so they all went up there, sat down,
and then the manager's like,
yeah, is this not enough people to-
Oh no.
They just skipped the whole show.
Do the show, right?
So then Stephen Fiery goes, had to tell everyone like,
no show.
And he ran to his car.
You could see him running down the street
and just driving home in shame.
And I laughed so hard.
Anyway, that was Saturday.
I thought the story was going to be more John Travolta heavy.
No, no, it was, I liked to see,
and I called him Steve the next day,
and I go, dude, that was so painful,
but dude, thank you so much for that.
And he goes, dude, I got so drunk last night,
I know, dude, it was so painful,
and I lived through you, and I just have empathy,
but thanks for the laughs.
And I hung up, it was great.
He might be playing my dad in a movie coming out.
John Travolta?
Yeah.
Really?
Super nice guy.
No, no, seems like a nice guy.
But we'll have to get you in there
just to make amends of this situation.
No, there's no amends.
I didn't do anything wrong.
I think he walked away from the situation,
he was like, oh, that little jolly little Asian guy.
That was pleasant.
Because that was nice to his family too.
I turned to his family, I bowed.
You bowed.
Yeah, I went, oh, I don't know, I get nervous, but my point is that it's so funny
because you grew up with someone like John Travolta, right?
And you have all these opinions and these are things,
but then when you actually meet somebody like that,
you're just like, it's just like, you know, it's cool.
But isn't it crazy that like,
you know you texted me on Saturday
and you're like, I met John Travolta.
Yeah, don't you say that!
Why?
It makes me feel like a fanboy, but I am! No, but it was cute, I was like, I'm a bitch! I was like, I met John Travolta. Yeah, don't you say that. Why? It makes me feel like a fanboy, but I am.
No, but it was cute.
I was like, oh my god.
And then Jules was right next to me, my 22-year-old niece.
And I was like, dude, Bobby just met John Travolta.
She's like, who's that?
Oh.
Oh.
That's not what I'm owing about.
I want Jules on my podcast so bad.
Oh, you all you want
She is the light of my life. Anytime I see anything of her it brightens my day to the fullest
I'm not even joking. I think she's the funniest person I've ever seen. She's gonna hate being there, but I would love that
That's exactly what I want. I don't want her coming in like I'm gonna have a good time
I want to come in like this is gonna suck and like that's the jewels. I know yes, you like her that much
I think she's so she's a sweetheart. I think she that much? I think she's so funny. She's a sweetheart.
I think she's hilarious, yeah.
And she's hilarious, she's a sweetheart,
and she's like my daughter.
And you know what, quite frankly, yes.
I wasn't looking to inseminate her, but.
She won't do it without my approval.
Or like watching?
No, she won't do it unless you ask me first.
Okay, I don't want to, if that's okay.
You're not gonna ask me to get Jules?
On the pod?
Oh, I thought you meant have sex with her, I don't know why. No, what the fuck, I'm talking to, what? Well, you can know that I was like, I's okay. You're not gonna ask me to hack at Jules? On the pod? Oh, I thought you meant have sex with her.
I don't know why.
No, what the fuck am I talking about?
What?
Well, you can know that I was like, I'm okay.
I was so respectful.
I thought you wanted me to bend her over a sink.
I didn't know.
Why?
I'm just saying that I wasn't going to.
Can we back up for a second, dude?
I thought I was telling you I wasn't going to.
I think you're reading me wrong today.
Yes, I do too.
I don't think there's a connection right now.
I believe that.
I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry.
What is going on here, dude?
All right, so let's reframe.
I'm so sorry.
That's okay.
Let's reframe, everyone.
That's okay.
You know, everything's great, okay?
So yes, I fangirled over John.
Have you fangirled over anybody?
If I saw my dad, I'm sure I'd freak out.
Oh, because he abandoned you.
Not abandoned, he just went elsewhere.
Where'd he go?
Kentucky.
When was the last time you saw him?
It's been a year or two.
Are you sad?
Yeah, of course.
Yeah, he doesn't call you that often?
Not that often, no.
Does he like you?
I think he's battling his own demons post-war.
What war?
Desert Storm?
Yeah, he was military 30 years, colonel.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, Captain Justice.
Captain Justice, yeah, yeah, yeah, of course.
And how many kids does he have?
He has four.
Oh, same mother?
Not that we know of, but yeah, no.
No one else, what?
My mom is the only one that birthed me, correct. Oh, okay. Okay, yeah. So I sit, no. No one, what? My mom is the only one that birthed me, correct.
Oh, okay.
Okay, so I sit, okay.
And then he had babies with another woman too,
then obviously?
Yeah. Several other women?
I think we have even more siblings out there.
Wow.
He spent a lot of time in Guam,
he spent a lot of time in Qatar.
Oh, so you have like possibly half Asian siblings.
I mean, you know?
Yeah. Yeah. Well, welcome. Thank mean, you know? Yeah.
Well, welcome.
Thank you.
It means a lot.
Yeah, you have to, um, he likes to, you know, spill a seed.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
He'll fill anything up if we let him.
So sex has taken a back seat in your life?
Yeah, I, uh, okay, so I have a urinary issue and I used to pee.
I know.
Hey, listen.
I used to pee 10 to 12 times during the night.
Oh, you attract infection?
No, no, no. It wasn't that. It was just I guess my bladder really doesn't matter.
That was the end result. And then they started to give me these pills and apparently delayed ejaculation.
So I could be having sex for an hour, hour and a half. Nothing happens.
Yeah.
Can't even masturbate anymore.
What's causing the frequent urination though?
Just like,
so apparently people's muscles contract at 150 milliliters and mine do 150 milliliters.
I went in and an elderly woman in her eighties held my penis and put a catheter in there
and filled it up and they decreased it.
I would rather tear my ACL again than go through that.
So basically it's because it's a reflex, right?
The brain to the bladder.
So you're saying it sends a signal to your brain
a little too soon when only half of the bladder is full.
Or even, I mean, I've went to go liquid,
came back, laid down, had to get right back up again.
And it's like a full stream.
We're not sitting there with dribbles.
And it's not anxiety related,
because when I'm super anxious,
I can usually like, I have to pee like every hour,
but it's more of an obsessive thing.
Yeah, it's not even, it's something I don't wanna do,
but yeah, it just comes out and it's like,
I can't fall asleep because I have this urge
to not pee in the bed.
Really? Yes sir.
Amazing.
Are you listening to anything?
I think I tuned out for a second.
That's okay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So I don't know what's going on, but that's some good stuff.
When you wait out, when you wait out in your head, it's more important that you are not
being 10 times a day versus delayed ejaculation.
You've waited out.
I don't wait.
I don't have a choice on either.
Okay.
Oh yeah.
I'd rather.
I don't know. I just know I'm not, I'm not coming. Oh no. Okay. Oh, yeah, I'd rather I don't know. I just know I'm not
I'm not coming. Oh no. Anyway, welcome to most girls life. Thank you. Yeah. Oops.
It's nice to be here. So, so yeah, we good? Are you? Did you have an antero? What's going on? Did you take your ateral? Yeah, yeah, I did take it, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Because they ran out, so I'm, put your hand here.
They usually, so this is what happens.
I usually have Ritalin to get me focused.
Okay.
And it's been out for like a week,
and then today, this morning,
I just got an announcement that they came,
so in between pods, I'm gonna go to the CVS and get it.
What do you guys have next?
I don't remember.
Sam Morel. Sam Morel.
Okay, fine. You know him?
No. Oh, I just, God bless you.
But yeah, Sam Morel, and then,
but I'm gonna go get some Riddell and then come back.
But I think that this, I like this podcast
because you and I are kind of on the same kind of frequency.
Yeah. God, I love you so much.
You never called me though, huh?
I actually have hit you up several times
to come back on the podcast, you never answered. I would do it once, huh? I actually have hit you up several times to come back on the podcast you never answered
I would do it once huh I usually do podcasts one time but on the podcast only because you said it out live on air
You said I come back every year on the day
Yeah, I lied. Yeah, I'm a liar to our fan base has just been like hey the Bobby up
So it's come come out in November. Yeah, so the only one I've done probably more than once is Rachel Billsons
Oh the classic Rachel Billson podcast. I love her. Yeah, and then who else?
ours Rick Glassman yeah, yeah, of course ours
Oh Trash Tuesday. Yeah, she has yeah, but you know, you know, I've never been on whiskey ginger
No, you have you have yeah
Early on yeah, cuz every dad I mean, but we I have? Because I have? Oh, god. Some old times, early on. Early on, yeah.
But we've done, we see each other every week.
Anyway, do you ever feel burnt out from it?
You're out here just talking all day, every day?
Well, I do get, thank you for even asking me that right now.
Thank you so much.
Yeah, I do get burnt out, quite frankly.
And there's a lot of times I don't even know what to say.
Like, you know, I want to get engaged,
but I also want to be silly.
And sometimes I get lost. and that's why I have
Kaililah here and Gilbert and George are here to help me.
But yeah, I mean, it's a lot of talking.
It is.
And it's a lot of like, I mean,
do you run into that or no?
Yeah, I mean, somewhat.
I mean, I think we have a pretty good cast
in that everyone's kind of doing something,
and then I think I'm similar to you in the sense of
My brain kind of goes just off the rocker and I kind of have to spread everything out
And I don't know I make fun of and bring people together and do all that fun stuff
To keep it exciting and moving but yeah
I know what you mean
But when you have to carry it and keep on going and then you so I mean sometimes yeah
We just pause and sit there and just kind of look at each other
Yeah, yeah, this is the worst thing we've ever made in our entire life. Yeah. Yeah, or we say things like we can't put this out
Yeah, we know that every week when we first start we have a good
Have you ever had a guess what was hard? Oh?
Yeah, oh, yeah, one word answers. I know those are the worst. I think well actually I thought you were great on ours
I hated my interview with you.
Why?
Like my personal self.
Why?
I think I was watching you and watching everybody
throughout the years.
I think I was just trying overly to be funny
and like make an impression.
Does that make sense?
Yeah, I mean, that's the thing.
When I did Rogan a couple of months ago, thank you.
I remember driving there going, don't try, don't try because
it's gonna read desperate right and just listen you know I mean it's a lot of
times especially when you're a guest it's like a higher profile thing you
can't you know I mean you can't try to be funny you can't try to be informative
or knowledgeable you just got to be yourself and listen and so so, you know, because at the end of the day,
sometimes we have off days.
You know what I'm saying, Zach, right?
I got off days every day.
Yeah, yeah.
Every other day, if I'm lucky.
But no, especially going on other people's podcasts,
this is the first time, like even this audience
is gonna see me and there's gonna be several people
that are like, this guy sucks.
And it's like, you don't even know if you're coming off
as your authentic self.
You're just trying to come here. It's like And it's like, you don't even know if you're coming off as your authentic self. You're just trying to come here,
it's like you talk to people you don't really know,
but like we try to create this chemistry,
which I mean I think we have.
We have it now.
Already, no dude, you remind me of a kid that I would have.
If like, if we had a son, it'd be this guy.
You think?
Yeah, yeah.
Handsome kinda, but also kinda a little dark,
also, I mean he can't go everywhere, you know?
Can't go everywhere. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, he can't go everywhere. You know can't go everywhere
Yeah
Middle schools out of the question you think if we had a son that he would take on my tall genetics or your short genetics
Oh for sure. I mean he'd be taller than me or she
Yeah, be telling me they would have
Interesting nose long but also fat you know I mean, but you don't have a fat nose. Did we have a long one?
I have a really long one, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Did you guys ever pick out kids' names?
Never. No.
Oh yes, we did.
What is it?
What was it gonna be?
Chauncey.
Oh yeah, Chauncey.
Oh dude, that'd be-
Because it's based on a movie that we both love.
Oh my god, I remember!
Yeah.
Chauncey!
Oh, that would've been, you know, can I still use that?
Yeah. I don't know what's worse, a miscarriage or like a miscarriage
where you never had a chance to have the baby.
Yeah.
You mean an abortion?
They call them abortions lately.
Yeah, but it's not miscarriages.
What's post-birth abortion called?
Labor.
I thought it was just homicide.
Homicide is murder.
OK.
Yeah. That's very funny. Don't announce it. I like it. No. Homicide is murder. Yeah, yeah.
That's very funny.
Don't announce it.
No, no, that's how I know you don't think something's funny.
That's funny.
Hey, Kaleila.
That's not what happened.
What happened was I literally thought it was funny, but it was like a slow punch.
So then it hit me in a weird way.
Sometimes when you like smoke weed, back in the day when I used to smoke weed,
things hit you in a different way,
like some weed strands, but it's still good.
That's what that was.
I've never smoked anything in my life.
If I want to get into it, where do I start?
Wait, did you do, do you do edibles?
I've never been high.
That's it.
You kind of keep it that way.
No, no, I want to get in some hard.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Please.
Why is that? You said I'm your kid. Yeah, why is that because the struggle you went through only made you that's not no
Why haven't you it's so funny you're in your 20s. You haven't fucking done any weed. Have you been drunk?
Yeah, you know why he doesn't suffer from social anxiety
So you don't need to escape the situation
like we did probably like so many times when we were younger like I needed to just like have anything because my anxiety was just so high all
the time yeah I don't drink either I'm a very boring person why haven't you
because of religion no so why is it because you're allergic to alcohol can
I be okay be on you'll be honest is this is I love this this is completely
honest icky taste I don't like the taste that's literally it a beer beer hate the This is completely honest. Icky taste.
I don't like the taste.
That's literally it.
A beer.
Beer, hate the taste of any of it.
What about like a margarita?
Like margarita.
And I've been drunk, so on our Patreon,
I was like if we get past a certain milestone,
I'll drink on the podcast.
That was like one of the,
I've been drunk two times in my life.
That was one of them.
And the entire time, I was just like,
I wanna get back to normal.
I wanna get back to normal. I wanna get back to normal.
Wow, that's interesting.
The other time was an Icohidin resort.
A little weirder, but it was fine.
Yeah, yeah.
And then an edible, why wouldn't you take that?
It's legal.
It just doesn't interest me.
I guess in the same way,
if someone doesn't like Diet Coke,
they're just like,
hey, I'm not even thinking about Diet Coke.
Somebody would have to try Diet Coke
before they had an opinion, no?
Yeah, I guess, I don't know.
I guess it just never interests me.
I know, but one time just for interest, they just do it.
Okay, fine.
Yeah, in fact, the next time you come on,
don't do it until you come back here.
Okay, three years I'll be here.
No, no, no.
In fact, do you have any animals now?
Wait, you're a great sober coach.
What the fuck?
He's not an addict.
You are not. I can be.
No, you won't be.
Anyone can be, right?
Yeah, that's right. Do you have, I'll get you. Alcoholism runs deep in my family. Oh yeah, well then don't do not. I can be. Yeah. No, you won't be. I want to be. Anyone can be, right? Yeah, that's right.
Do you have?
Alcoholism runs deep in my family.
Oh, yeah?
Well, then don't do it.
I'm going to do it.
No, no, no.
Bobby Lee is telling you to do it.
No, don't do it.
I didn't know that information.
No, don't do it.
Is it fun?
That's like my co-host, Esther.
Alcoholism runs in her family, so she never touches alcohol.
That's so interesting to me.
Wow.
But it's like also like she shouldn't.
And I think that she'd probably go off to deep end
if she did.
I was apparently I was getting like hyper consenty.
I don't know why any girl that I was with
I accidentally like would touch her shoulder.
I'm like I hope that wasn't weird.
And then I would like move on.
Well the opposite of other drunk people you mean.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I wish I was more, you know.
Yeah, I'm tired of women going,
I'm at a restaurant, they're like,
is it okay if I just get a little drink?
It's like, don't fucking act, what the what?
Yeah, do whatever you wanna do.
That's polite though, because they know you're an AA.
No, it doesn't matter.
It's like, I obviously like live life,
like why the fuck, I mean, you know?
Yeah, but I mean like, I never brought alcohol ever
into the house when we lived together.
There's eight bottles of alcohol in the fucking.
Not mine, sir.
No, it was given that the Korean rice drink, not mine.
No, not that.
There's bottles of whiskey in my fucking.
Probably brought in here via Tiger Belly, not me.
Okay.
Whiskey, I don't even drink whiskey.
Yeah, yeah.
I drink some whiskey here.
Yeah, who brought that?
I have Irish whiskey in my fucking thing.
That's not me.
Anyway, yeah, what's my, what are. That's not me. Anyway, yeah, what's what?
What are you looking at?
Nothing.
Yeah, yeah.
Because I, anyway, yeah, yeah, yeah, so I don't, yeah, no.
There's alcohol in my house.
Yeah, but I've never brought it.
While we were together, I never brought alcohol in the house.
I disagree, but let's move on.
That's for now, you're right.
Yeah, you're right.
This is beautiful.
Why? Would that work like this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's beautiful. Why, was that word like this?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's like a weird therapy where it's like,
all right, we're gonna bring in someone you don't know
and they're gonna go, watch you guys.
Reconcile.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Whatever.
So have you acted in anything yet?
Yeah, I did like an Apple TV thing.
I just did a horror movie.
Oh, so what's the Apple TV thing, tell me.
It was called like Best Foot Forward, Very Small Ro thing. I just did a horror movie. So what's the Apple TV thing? Tell me it was calling best foot forward very small role. I'd also did another show in a line couple lines
Yeah, I was like a pizza delivery guy. What was in line? Tell me the line. I don't remember I
Couldn't tell you. Okay. Were you nervous? No, okay, and then you have another thing that you just said you said yeah
I was in a horror movie
Actually, one of my favorite shows ever is Band of Brothers and one of the guys in
There played my dad. I thought that was the coolest thing ever. Whoa, that's cool because I love Band of Brothers. Yeah
It was just like an indie horror movie who will see if it sees a light of day and did you um
And then this one I wrote we're gonna hopefully film in August and what and who's doing?
Oh, so you wrote a movie and you got the money and the financing for it? Yeah. Do you have the director who's directing it?
Steve Carr, he did Movie 43, he did.
Oh yeah, yeah.
Yeah, he did Paul Bartmalkop.
We got on the call and he's like,
you understand what's funny for young people,
I know how to make a movie.
He's like, I kinda wanna learn from you in this way.
And I was like, I wanna learn how to make a movie,
so it was kinda cool.
Oh, that's cool.
Yeah, yeah.
Can I tell you?
You can tell me anything.
I want to tell you something that happened then
that I was gonna bring up,
because it's so similar to that.
So I do Logic's movie in Portland.
Yes, I remember.
And the reason why I did it is because they were like,
Kevin Smith is like shadowing him, okay?
So I go, well, if it's Logic's first movie,
I mean, he's gonna get notes from the master,
Kevin Smith, so I'll do it.
So I show up and then I was supposed to be the main bad guy.
So it's like a Wednesday.
But I'm a little sick, right?
And in my mind, I'm like, should I tell them or not?
So I go, you know what, I'm gonna tell them.
So they had a doctor come over to my hotel
and she checked me out and then an hour later, Lodgett calls me and goes,
yeah, you can't show up here. So what do I do? They're like, I'm going to give the role to
somebody else. I'm in the middle of the, I go, oh, I'm just going to go home. No, he goes,
I got something else I want you to do. So wait three days. So I waited a couple days,
like two or three days in Portland, you know what I mean?
So I was just shopping, you know what I mean?
Ate some meals.
And then I finally show up and I'm like,
they put me in this kind of, you know, a tracksuit.
And I do this improvise scene.
There's no fucking Kevin Smith to be found around, right?
Which is fine.
So I'm out there and then, you know,
I run into the devil himself,
Oliver Tree, you know what I mean?
You know Oliver Tree?
Not personally, but yeah.
I'm sitting there next to him and then like,
we do this improvise scene with Logic's dad.
And you know how sometimes like,
okay, when you're improvising in a movie, right,
this is, it works if everyone's listening to each other.
Right, so it's just like, you know what I mean?
I would say something, so it's me, Logic, his dad,
and there's somebody else, and I go, I would say,
they go, actually I go, yeah man, but my age, you know what
I mean, and then Logic's dad would be like,
I love grapefruits, and then Logic would be like,
hey man, look at the sky.
I mean, like no one's listening to each other, and so that's what the whole scene's like, okay? So in my mind I was like, hey man, look at the sky. I mean, no one's listening to each other.
And so that's what the whole scene's like, okay?
So in my mind I was like,
oh god, I wish Kevin Smith was here, you know what I mean?
So then I go to the airport that night
and some guy cuts in front of me.
I'm in line, okay?
And I literally went and I looked
and he was wearing shorts, right?
And I was like, this mother, I have to say something.
You know, I'm about boundaries.
I'm about boundaries.
This guy literally cut in front of me at first class line.
Right, and I've been waiting there.
So he excused me, and I pat time to show,
it's Kevin Smith.
He was there.
Yeah, and he goes, what are you doing here?
And I go, I just did your movie.
He's like, oh, I heard you did a great job.
What are you doing here to, I heard you did a great job What are you doing here too? I heard you did a great job. It's insane. He had no clue. Yeah. Yeah
Well, I don't know is that what it is a hundred percent
So, you know, did you guys talk after that not really?
Then I let him you know go ahead and then like afterwards he goes nice. Okay. Good to see you
He was gonna come here to do what he was gonna come with me, but he's
Guys Nice to see you. He was gonna come here today too. He was gonna come with me but he was just. I mean, he was a little busy. Guys, in fact, can I just say something?
That story I just told you isn't really the truth.
I know.
There's some lies in there.
A lot.
So we can't put that in our own thing.
Yeah, we can't put it in.
Unless I tell you the direct, real story.
Okay.
Amendment, amendment to the piece of cake.
I'm gonna amend the first story and this is how,
because when I'm telling a story,
there has to be something.
Yeah.
And if I just tell the story outright, right?
There's no narrative.
There's no narrative.
Already, already where I thought was weird
is that first class had a line.
No, that's, okay, so.
You've been waiting there?
Wow, like it's a long wait for first class.
All right, all right, let me, you guys-
You want the real story.
You want the real story now? Give me the real one, Papa. All right, I Wow, like it's a long wait for us. Alright! Alright, let me... Give me the real story. You want the real story now?
Give me the real one, Papa.
Alright, I show... So that's... All that stuff before was true.
Okay.
What was true about it is, yes, they didn't want me on set because they didn't want me to get
everyone... Which I completely understand.
I waited there for Logic because I love him so much. Oliver True was there, he was a pleasant...
And the improv scene was okay.
Okay.
Actually, it was pretty okay. It was was fun actually. It's in the trailer.
Yeah, so my point is that all that stuff was,
you know, I mean, kind of true, but.
Okay.
So this is what happened, but Kevin Smith wasn't there,
right, and Kevin Smith also knew I was in the movie.
Okay, so.
Why'd you lie before?
I don't know, I just tried to make it more exciting.
What part was?
I don't know, that's why. That's why I exciting. What part was? That's why I'm making an amendment now! Okay, I'm sorry. If there was a dragon thrown at
one point, I would've been like... But with that interaction... The improv was actually
okay. I'm glad we fixed that. So here's the deal. So there is no mine, okay,
but there is hovering areas.
Yes.
Right, so they were the children.
Military.
People that need assistance, you know what I mean?
Yeah.
You know what I mean, the special ones.
The special ones get to go on first.
Yeah.
I'm not even using full words,
we can't let them get away with this.
What?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You just have to decode.
So after a certain group, I know, OK, the next is group one.
So what I do is I start doing a meandering,
I want to get on first.
So then a woman and a guy cut in front of me
and stood in front of me before the announced one.
But I was already meandering first.
Right?
So it's like, I was like, hey, you didn't see me
meandering first before frolicking here?
Right?
But I didn't say anything.
I let them go on, but I was mad,
and then when we sat down, I realized
it was Kevin Smith and his friend.
So he was super excited to see me, he goes,
hey dude, and I go, I just did your movie.
He's like, I know, I heard you did good.
And that's the story.
Is that, now, what's the deal?
Hey, thank goodness we cleared that up.
So, he had a friend with him.
Yes.
Okay, okay, okay.
Also, Bobby would never tap someone on the shoulder
and say excuse me and confront anyone in that way.
Not in this lifetime.
That's the part that threw me,
and I don't know you super well.
I didn't think you were gonna get into the battle.
Yeah, it's like when I went to rehab
and they would ask me stuff like, tell me about this,
and once I would start, they would stop.
They would go, stop.
We just want no humor or any exaggeration.
We just want the truth.
And you know what?
I didn't do that here, but that was the truth.
Now, let me ask you guys something.
What story was better?
The first one.
I loved the collection of you backtracking
and telling the full thing.
I think that adds scope that we don't have to cut it out now.
No, we're not going to cut out the first.
We're keeping it all in.
I'm in now.
If I was told just one of the stories,
I would've looked at you and said,
hey Bob, maybe it's time to hang up the old microphone.
But now that we got both stories and you intertwined it.
It's good, it's all good peace.
Right, so my instinct is right, the first story is better.
More drama.
More drama, but if I tell things as is,
it's not great.
Yeah, but you gotta tell things as is in real life.
Do you do that or do you find it hard time?
No.
Okay.
You're right.
He embellishes in real life even,
and it's so hard to kind of figure out
like what really happened.
You're right, you're right, you're right.
So unless you're there, you don't know
if what he's saying is 100%.
Well, if he's telling me a story
because I know him so well,
I know which pieces he's likely exaggerating,
so I will recreate a version of that story in my own mind.
I know this is what really happened,
but he needs to tell it this way.
It's like, okay, you went to Walmart to get some apples,
but Trump wasn't there.
Right, right. Like you have to take a you went to Walmart to get some apples, but Trump wasn't there. Right.
Like you have to take out judge.
Right, right, right.
I had to delete some characters from the story
and then be like, okay, this was the truth.
The Princess Bride wasn't being reenacted.
Right, right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, very good reference.
What happened to Cary Elwes?
Killing it, what are you talking about?
He's in everything.
Is he in everything now?
Yeah, yeah, he's always been in everything.
I know, I just had such a crush when I was younger.
Here's the thing about Carrie
I always write is and in in the state of television and film there's just so much out there
There's so many streaming platforms. They're just there's no way to know what people are doing unless they're in a gigantic thing like
Planet of the Apes or you know me the new Ghostbusters if they're in huge Hollywood productions, right?
Yeah, so.
Why didn't you and your Rat Pack ever get together
and make a movie?
Like all the podcasters that are obviously.
Well, I mean, you know, Shane and Andrew, they get tires.
And then me and Andrew are doing some things.
But you're right, I think that.
You can almost have an anti-Avengers of superheroes
with terrible powers that come together.
So tomorrow what I'm doing is,
I don't want to holly, I'm a bit stupid,
but I wrote a movie with a couple of producer guys,
writer guys, and the CA wants to do it.
My agent wants to package it.
Hell yeah.
And so, what we're talking about for each role
is first it's gonna go to people we know. Like Santino, you know, and what we're talking about for each role is first it's gonna go to people we know.
Like Santino, you know what I mean?
There's probably a bit in there for you,
because we haven't read the script.
I'm just here, you don't have to say that.
You're right, you're not gonna be in it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know.
You're not gonna be in it.
I know.
Thank you for doing this.
Yeah, of course.
That's the thing that he does too.
All right!
Gilbert, someone back me up, nothing?
No ally?
In the spirit of truth.
Look at the cheese, look at the cheese! I'm like going through all of our podcasts, he's like, hey, you back me up, nothing? No ally? In the spirit of truth. Look at his face, look at his face.
I'm like going through all of our podcasts.
He's like, hey, you're gonna be in it.
Let's be real.
You became that old guy in Hollywood
who was like, you wanna be in it?
Like that's you now.
But Alex, I'm not gonna sniff this picture.
I'm good to you, right?
Yeah.
Well, you told me I wasn't gonna do any voices
in your other one.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Did you end up doing voices?
No, no.
He'll never do voices.
Okay. Maybe his eyeballs will do something, but. but if you need a barista, I'm there. Okay. Anyway, you're right
That's you know what? I'm gonna cut those things out
The two things exaggeration
And line and prom and like a kid you're gonna have that. Yeah, you're right
It's gross because people hang on to that earlier when you prayed for me
What realm was that in? I?
Hang on to that earlier when you prayed for me. What realm was that in? I
Prayed for you at the beginning we open with a with a yeah, that's real that was real. Oh the anointment
Not a prayer sorry it doesn't feel like anything now now that I know the real Bobby no
Don't you're gonna make me mad dude, please
When is it have I ever anointed anybody in the history?
I don't know anymore. I'm asking you guys.
He hasn't, I think you are the white mirror
in a certain way.
Yeah, I think there is qualities to you
that you would be a fucking paddle onto me.
And I'd love to saddle up.
All right, so that's my point.
Okay.
So what are the things you wanna plug?
Dropouts.
So abrupt.
I don't wanna plug anything.
Yeah, I want you to plug.
That's what the whole point of this thing is.
No, no, not for me.
It's to come in here.
I love you so much.
Make you realize who you are as a human being.
You're doing great, dude.
I love you, man.
No, you don't, dude.
None of this is real. You're lying to me. You're great. I love you, man. No, you don't know this is real
You're lying to me you just looking at me lying to me when you say when you say I love you, dude What do you mean by that? You go? I love you in a podcast. What would you mean by that saying to us him?
I love you, dude
Okay. All right. Nothing. All right. All right, you guys what are you? You guys wanna you guys want to go to reality?
Yeah, I will bring back you guys wanna go to reality.
Yeah.
I will bring back, let's go to reality, okay.
And then I'll add.
No, don't add.
I'll add, I have to add.
Or add now and then I'm gonna add now.
One of my biggest qualms in the relationship
is that he would only say I love you
when he wanted me to either shut up
or get out of a situation.
You want me to leave.
He wants it to be over.
The reality of it is, it's gonna hurt then.
That's completely fine.
You don't want me to?
No, go ahead, just.
All right, so it's gonna hurt.
I thought you were.
Someone else.
No, I thought you were those money guys that I did.
What's that money podcast I did?
Graham Stephan.
Yeah, those guys.
The financial channel?
Up until, for some reason, I thought that-
Up until right now.
No, no, no, no, no.
Up until I thought we were gonna do the podcast,
I literally thought it was them,
until I saw you walk up, I go, oh yeah, right?
In my mind.
He thought you were this guy.
Yeah, that guy.
Really?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The same-
No, I thought that he was coming today. Yeah. Right? Until you walked up and I go, oh fuck, I love this guy, oh, I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that.
I'm not gonna do that.
I'm not gonna do that.
I'm not gonna do that.
I'm not gonna do that.
I'm not gonna do that.
I'm not gonna do that.
I'm not gonna do that.
I'm not gonna do that.
I'm not gonna do that.
I'm not gonna do that.
I'm not gonna do that.
I'm not gonna do that.
I'm not gonna do that.
I'm not gonna do that.
I'm not gonna do that.
I'm not gonna do that.
I'm not gonna do that.
I'm not gonna do that.
I'm not gonna do that.
I'm not gonna do that.
I'm not gonna do that.
I'm not gonna do that.
I'm not gonna do that.
I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I kind of Googled you and stuff and looked to see, you know what I mean? Yeah.
You said we wanted the truth.
We wanted the truth, yes.
This is good.
This is good practice.
And so here's another truth then.
I do love you and I love you in this way.
Even when I did your podcast a year ago or whatever,
I remembered you and I remember walking away,
I'm like, that guy is crazy.
I like that guy, right? And I was always, so as a podcaster and stuff,
I do love you.
Now as a person, I don't know you that well.
Yeah, so now, is the truth hurt, or is that better?
That's way better.
That's way better.
How have you felt this time with me has gone?
Like if you're being honest, like it's-
All right, you wanna play the game?
Let's play the game.
You know I'm being fully honest, right?
For honest, I mean, okay.
So the things that I've been thinking
about this whole podcast is,
wow, there's so many similarities
in the way you do things, right?
And it's almost hard for me to do podcasts
with somebody that's like me,
because you need somebody that's a little bit more
grounded and insane almost, right?
So.
I think we're both in the way on our individual podcasts
where we come out of left field,
and we're trying to take over in such a way
where it's like, I bet nobody's ever heard that before.
So then I had, there are moments in this podcast
where I've had to just back out and just kind of were moments in this podcast where I've had to like, just back out
and just kind of completely detach.
That's what I've tried to do.
Because I noticed we were both trying to do it.
And I thought you, I was like, this is his show.
I can't go crazy.
I gotta be the straight man here.
Okay, so that's literally the truth.
Okay, love this fourth wall stuff.
But I also, yeah, I mean,
I don't think no one wants to listen to it.
No, no, I love it.
I'm being honest. But people listening in the fucking, think no one wants to listen to it. No, no, I love it.
I'm being honest.
I know, but people listening in the fucking,
out in the world maybe.
That's good. Yeah, they do.
So that's the real truth of it all.
So you take it the way, but do I like you?
I do.
Do I love you as a person?
If you died, I'd be super sad.
No, you wouldn't.
No, I would be sad, but I wouldn't cry.
But it wouldn't show, it'd take you days to figure it out.
Nobody would call you soon.
No, I wouldn't. Oh, immediately these guys would call. like oh, yeah, is that that money guy from that one podcast? Oh, dude
Next week's episode
Yeah, it's lasting we'll ever seen him it but no I would be super sad if you died. So is that good? Yeah, that's good
Let's be honest. Now. How do you feel about me? I I think um, I
Think you have a joy to you that I that I really enjoy
I don't know if you fully feel it yourself, but I know when you're in a room the people around you feel better
And that's like really
nice
Like I'm genuinely. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if you feel that about yourself
I don't know if you don't internalize that I don't think you do
But anytime I see you on video or even in this room,
you can tell like the people in here really care about you and you're nice to
them. He doesn't right now. We're in a little bit of a tussle.
We have a tussle him and I, we have a problem. I get it. And we may, you know,
we got to, we got to resolve this. What is, what is the tussle? I can't,
we can't even talk about it out loud. It was honestly like a minor scheduling thing.
It's not a minor thing.
It's not that big of a deal.
It's a big deal.
But it's very big in Bobby's head,
and it's very, but it's minor.
All right, can we talk about it?
Yeah.
Yes, let's talk about it.
You don't talk about it?
No, I think this is-
I'll defend myself.
Please do.
There's no way to defend yourself.
Oh, motherfucker.
I have the resistance.
You didn't text me back about...
I gave you dates.
I gave you dates.
He has screenshots.
He didn't text me back to confirm anything.
Be careful.
So then, since you didn't confirm anything, I went through somebody else who reached out.
I gave them.
They left me.
Like, they ghosted me.
Both people ghosted me.
You're the one that's closer.
You should be getting back to me.
Now, here's the difference
I trust you to get back to me when it's important on text messages
Even though you do ignore a lot of them this one you went back to your old ignoring ways
It is my fault. It's a little insured George. It's not what it is. He's about to piss me off right now. Okay
Okay, let's tussle it out. Okay. No, I want to end it. I
Want to end it? No, okay. We'll do it. You Let's tussle it out, guys. Schedule it with you. Okay, go ahead. No, no, I wanna end it.
I wanna end it.
No, okay, we'll do it.
You wanna tussle it out?
Yeah.
Okay, so.
We'll be the referees.
You'll be the referee.
Yeah.
So I did a movie with J. Moore.
J. Moore's a guy, I used to open for him
way back in the day.
And he's one of those guys like Pauly
and some of these guys that have always tried to help me.
And when I did the movie with Jay, Sweet Dreams,
it just kind of rekindled something between us.
And we're both sober guys.
And he's outwardly like that, so I can say that.
And so you had just seen Jerry Maguire again.
You go, he's a great actor.
He's so great in that movie.
And I go, you're right.
So we both decided, let's get Jay on Tiger Bell.
Because we've never had him.
And also like Picture Perfect with Jennifer Aniston.
One of my favorites.
He's so endearing in that one.
So I personally text Jay and I go, hey dude.
And I called George, I go, give me a date.
You said June, what a June?
Today. Today.
Today, right?
So today, right?
And I go, and I, and I, and I, and Jay.
But he's writing notes like it's a debate.
Yeah, and then, and then, and then Jay goes,
and then Jay goes.
No, I'm just texting the screenshots to Kalyla, so.
So then Jay goes, then Jay goes, yeah, all right,
yeah, that date, right?
Oh, this is information I never got.
That's not true, that's absolutely not true.
How would you, if I didn't tell you
that fucking Jay Moore wasn't doing today,
how would that even be in your fucking world of it?
No, I offered dates, he texted you,
yes, you never relayed that to me.
I told you, hey, I'm taking back this one date for J more please let me know confirm and then I said then after the booker oh my god oh
my god you want receipts let's go to a
here's here's no no the truth is then he then he tells me he goes yo J more
can't do those dates the booker told no me. No, no, there is no Booker. Yeah, that's.
There is no Booker.
That's everyone listening right now.
Are you following?
Are you following?
I'm caught up, but I.
Right, right, right, so he calls me and goes,
out of nowhere.
He feels like he's kind of, okay.
Out of nowhere he goes,
yo, Jay Moore can't do that date.
So he's obviously knows about the date, George, right?
He tells me, Jay Moore can't do the date.
I try to offer him other dates.
You know what I mean?
His publicist or his rep said he's busy.
So what else?
And I go, in my mind I'm like,
oh, well, fuck.
I thought maybe Jay lied that he could do it.
So I just, I go, yeah, go ahead then, whatever.
You know what I mean?
If you're giving me that information
that Jay's people said that he can't do it, what else is there to do?
Right, because I'm not gonna call then Jay go,
hey what happened?
I'm not desperate in that way, right?
I let it go.
So then yesterday Jay calls me and goes,
what time tomorrow?
Right?
And I go, what do you mean dude?
I mean, your people.
He goes, what people?
And I go, your publicist. He goes. I don't have a publicist
So I call him and I go
You told me that Jake can't do this. What the fuck is going on? He's like, well, who is this woman?
Who are these people that that's my thing? That's why I'm mad at you. Who are these people mysterious?
I'm mad because three texts that I sent you. Hey, can we get, you're diverting, you're diverting,
you're dividing your anger
because I couldn't get an answer from you.
Somebody emailed me with Jay Moore in a tub.
You called me personally and you told me on the phone
that this person, Jay Moore can't do it.
That's all the information I need to hear.
So is there-
But three previous texts to you.
It doesn't matter
No, it doesn't get an answer for like how did how are you calling me then?
By you calling me and saying Jay can't do it. How do you know that information?
Because after okay, I'm here. Let me calm down
Because after I didn't get an answer from you in three text messages
I got an email from somebody that said Jay Moore and like three other people in it.
How does that person know that Jay's even doing the podcast when only me, Kalyla, and
you know that Jay's doing the podcast?
How does George know that that person is not privy to that information?
How do I know Jay Moore's doing the podcast if you don't tell me?
I can't tell you because you called me and said that Jay can't do it.
Do you think?
You never told me he could do it a certain day.
You called me and you say, Jay can't do the day,
we have to find someone else,
is you knowing that it is happening?
This is a fundamental error theory.
I wanna go to this guy, what do you think?
I just have a couple questions.
Yeah, go ahead.
Back up, back, sit down, sit down.
Is there a couple questions? Yeah, go ahead What I got back sit down sit down is there is there a publicist?
Apparently not according to Jay, but we got George got an email from a publicist
So so you got an email from someone saying he can't do these dates, correct?
I got an email from somebody no here. I got an email. Okay. I texted Bobby three times didn't get an answer
Pointless to the fucking thing, man.
Hey, he's also heard about it.
We have to validate those feelings before we move on.
Yeah, but that's pointless to think he knows about it.
Go ahead.
We still gotta answer him.
So then a publicist emailed me with like five names
of probably doing some movie promotion or something.
Jay Moore was one of them.
I said, hey, we reached out to Jay Moore.
I already reached out to Jay Moore about this date.
Maybe you can help facilitate.
They responded, oh, looks like he can't do that date.
Maybe you'll like this other person.
Who's the other person?
Who's the other person?
Who's the other person?
Adam Carolla.
Exactly.
So now both, Jay Moore.
So the only answer of four interactions
about can Jay Moore do this date was no.
So he was, as a producer, he's trying to do his due
diligence of hey, I'm not really getting this information.
This guy.
He has the information.
Okay, well this.
He knows the information.
He knows the date and he knows that Jay's doing it, right?
And then all of a sudden, this person that no one knows because you told him
He was already doing it. That's how he knows information. Yeah, okay. Do you think that he maybe thought that you maybe got it wrong
Why would he think that I think that and then maybe he was just reconfirming and then he hears from his people he thought
There's no we got dates
He never knew Jay was doing it
There's no yes, but there's no response. He never knew Jay was doing it.
I've heard to any of these, that's my point, Bobby.
There's no response, so I had to go around
to try to get information.
I had to try to get information.
I know, but back up.
Can we do this date?
No, no, that's not it, that's not it.
This is riveting content.
Hey, no, can you check back with Jay Moore?
No answer.
Okay, here's the thing, I'm gonna show you, okay,
here we go. He has the same text messages. All right go he has the same text messages all right it's gonna look up it's like
the minor blue this time I'm gonna see how on there it says you still want Zack
and he said no all right so here's the thing okay so I go can you do June 10th
Tiger Belly? Okay.
These are texts to Jay.
To Jay Moore, right?
Okay.
How do I know June 10th?
Because I told you.
Yeah.
Yeah, so you told me, I go, what can Jay do?
You said June 10th, right?
So I go, can you do June 10th, Tiger Belly?
He goes, yes.
I go, thanks, man.
That's all that needs to be said there.
I know, but then did you relay that information
back to George?
Yes, I did.
Now pull that up.
This is a game set match right here.
That's pointless.
It's not.
It is pointless.
You gave me a date for Jay Moore.
I told him the date.
I gave you two dates initially
and I didn't hear back about either of the two dates.
Which one?
So I took back one.
So instead of going back to me, when they say you saw me, when do I text people back? For anything?
When it's somebody you've won on the podcast.
No I don't.
That's my M.O.
Right?
Are you enjoying your time?
I am enjoying my time.
I'm so glad to hear.
Thank you for being here.
Of course, of course.
I'm glad I could be here for this.
Give Zach Justice a round of applause. What a great guest.
Come back again, okay? I love it.
Check out Dropouts Podcast.
Dropouts Podcast. Go check it out. Shukumukiya ito ii-lu Shukulukimuki salaman Fita mokokani ay makapululi
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