TigerBelly - Zach Justice & TheTunnel Toddler

Episode Date: December 10, 2025

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Tiger Belly! Merch! Tiger Belly! Merch! Tiger Belly! Merge, man! Yeah, guys, we have Tiger Belly. These are my favorite shirts that they're clean. Look at the back, Tiger Belly, 10 years of chaos. Nesotso's since day one.

And Shadow Play down here. There's a lot of little Easter eggs, too. Like this one can say, can I defend myself? Something you say often, and this one says Shadow Play. Shadow Play, dude. Check it out. And then we have the cool hats, dude. I love those hats.

Ten years of Tiger Belly, right there. Nassauceau's Papaya. Comes with four pens. It's dope, dude. It's energetic. It's lively, and it's in the moment. Guys, you can find that at sleptkingdom.com. If you were an OG Tiger Belly fan or a new fan,

this is our official 10 years. 10 years of doing this podcast merch. Go grab it now. Get it now, man. Hey, everybody. Bobby Lee here. And I'm very excited because I'm shooting my first special for Hulu. And it's going to be in San Diego, California.

January 16th, 2012, January 17th, 2026, and it's at the San Diego Balboa Theater, and the tickets are on sale now and come check it out. I'd love to see you there, and I'm super excited. And we're all going to be there. All going to be there.

Support Papa. Papa. Tito Bobby. You-hoo! You've never done that before. You know, people call you Haimun, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's Jaime. It's just say you're, no, I'm like a hymen. You're shaped like a hymen. You're like, I'm just, I'm like, I'm like. You guys, like a hymen. You guys like this guy's name's name. It's Hyman. It's Hyman, but...

Okay, I was like, Hyman is a wild thing that we call so. Thank you. No, not, not, no, no. Christian? Okay, ready? One, two, let's go Christian. My middle of Jesus My middle is Christian

Wow Okay What direction I'm going to go with the song Because I'm a little confused 70s funk No we're doing this too Oh okay Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

You can't do 70s funk Yeah I can't do 570s Anyway Okay This is started Yeah This is started This is started

This is started No we got to give I thought we were in, you got to give a, you know, like an action or something. This is Hollywood, baby. I didn't get to say, hi, how are you guys? Okay, okay, no. Well, I mean, we're not on the just, Jacks, that's just a justice show.

Hey, brother. Let's do ketamine after our host, come on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What are your guys' names? I don't want to be weird. My name's Karina. Karina. Yeah. Very cool. And we just met. What was your name again?

Nyla. Yeah, yeah. Karina is Jaime's roommate. Yeah, yeah. Why is he writing? Oh, he takes notes. He does haikus. What are you guys What are you guys

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mexico, dude. What are you talking about? Yeah. They love haikus over there. Do you like Mexicans? Wait, wait for the answer? This is my first, this is...

But do you like them? Be honest, man. When they're over there, it's fine. They're good people when they're over there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Over there, where's over there? Mexico. Oh, I thought you...

No, no, no. I'm all in on you guys. There's a couple others that I'm a little out on. Yeah, yeah. Filipino. Based on Jules. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think you're into him. We'll get into it. Jules and I went on a date the other day. No. Does that bother you? It bothers me so badly. What do you mean? She's a little person.

She's young. They're in the same decade. How old are you, Zach? I just turned 30. So watch your mouth. And she's, what, 24? Yeah. That works out in my life.

No. Stay with 28. Okay. What have you been staying with? Let's talk about five. 35. 35. 35!

35! Yeah, 35. Let's get into it. Yeah. You're the lead art in a cavern. Sing it. No, sing it, dude. What? Intro.

Welcome to the show. Woo. A Mexican. Yeah. Whoa, dude. Asian on the keys. Yeah, there we go. Jewels on her knees.

Oh! That's his dog. Oh, that's my daughter, dude. No, it's not. It's your ex is something. Yeah, yeah, but I raised her. I'll rip your eyes out, Whitey. Okay, well, I...

You want your eyes gouged out, Whitey? Yeah, say one more thing. I'm sorry for... Say one more thing, dude. I'm gonna, I'm gonna get a... Oh, you think you're superior? I'm gonna get the... It's 2025.

I'm gonna get the thinnest spider web I can and blind you, dude. Oh, wow. You want to go racial there? Let me say, say, you keep asking what people's fucking names are. He's confusing. Your ears are slanty. Your ears are slanty. You have reverse Asian.

Reverse Asian ears. All right. Don't put that on me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not anything. I'm whatever you guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you sneak in here?

Were you like... In the house? Yeah. You were like, no, he's one of us. Yeah, yeah. Dude, he's an American citizen, back? What are you talking about? Yeah, you're...

He'll rip you apart. Don't be careful, dude. Not Mexican. Yeah, this is the fucking... He's Salvadorian. Salvadorian juggerna is what we call him. You'll run right through you. Don't say not Mexican,

then like Salvadorian. Okay. If you're a stone throw away, that's like me being like, oh, no, I'm not Irish, I'm Scottish. Dude,

if you were an X-Men, dude, you'd be a terrible power. Yeah. You know what your tower would be, power would be? What?

You get really angry, right? And only your anus turns to animantian steel. What did I tell you about enunciating? I told you we're going to start, we're going to start doing it

and doing it often. Give me the line over again. Okay. All right. You're an X-Men? and you hit a power, when you get angry, your asshole will turn into Adamantean steel. Thank you.

What's my power? When your Mexican friends doesn't even write it down, that's who you know it's not good. What would you be your power if you're an X-Men? Me? Yeah, yeah. I'll get really mad. Yeah.

It's always mad, yeah. Yeah, yeah. We're always mad at something. Yeah. And my fist will be steel. No. Oh. I already know what it is.

What is it then? Forciata squirts out of your nipples. Oh, okay. I'm not really a power, but it's refreshing when you're around other X-Men. What's like a low-tier convenient power that you would want? Because I was watching a movie and they're like

oh, a sick one would be after the beach, you could say sand off, and then all the sand would be off of you? Oh. What's a low kind of hanging fruit? Oh, here we go. That's good. Thank you. It bothers you every day through life. I get the exercise. I'm trying to buy you some time.

I know. Because that's quick, man. That's really. But the sand thing wasn't yours. You come up with a new one. Don't, yeah, but don't throw to my picture. I brought up a topic and he's like, well, you didn't come up with that. Yeah, sorry, I'm coming up with material. First of all, let's start with minorities because we never do.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So what would be your inconvenient? Like a low tier? That's why I had this way. What did you say? Do you, okay, how much? I got one. You guys get off on taxes by having one here?

No, I got one. Okay, well. Dried rice turns into ready to eat rice. You can't. It's just, it's just. It's like... That's not a good one. It's just cooking rice.

No, but you don't cook it, you just look at it and now it's cooked. Oh, I see. That's what I mean. That is nice. Honestly, that's nice, not... Because you have to put a cup of water, cup of rice, then you're gonna add a little bit more wine. It's the whole process. Well, for us, it's coffee, but for you guys...

Yeah, yeah, so you get instant coffee. Yeah, yeah. We drink coffee, too. Who can... Chill out, dude! We drink coffee too! I'm asking him. I'm being everyone in the group.

All right. What would yours be, sir? Hortada milk. no no no and again so off camera i thought everyone was calling him hymen but your real name is what hey me okay so i thought you guys made like a joke like he's never gonna break once we'll call him hymen and i thought that was rude and i was gonna combat them for you but but since that wasn't the case no now i was not talking about it you know that wasn't even the case i like how you you like yeah you dis me and then look to your boys like this idiot dude we're like i guess uh they're on my side

Yeah, I don't doubt it But anyway What would be your If you had an individual But simple like that Yeah, so go ahead What? What? What I just did?

Like every day You know what I mean? Like Zach's never Pick up like a deck of cards What can you just pick them up? Like Gambit Like he throws the cards But no that's a power power

Yeah but that would be The reverse guy I'd be like okay Pick up the cards How but how often is that Inconvenance in your life Yeah yeah Because the moment you have

that power and you do it once you like I wish it would have picked any other power. Yeah. Instant rice? Phenomenal. Okay? And I don't like giving him his flowers. Yeah, yeah. Because he'll put it like in his tea and then like, you know what I mean? But for you. You can't say instantly refri beans either. I wasn't going. Okay, but just don't do that.

Okay. Because I already did a food thing. Make some good guacamole. No, no, not a food. Not a food thing. Not a food thing. Yeah, yeah. Come up with something that's an inconvenience. You look gently stumped. Yeah, yeah. Like, uh, I'm trying to think. That's why. Maybe clothes always clean. guy. Anytime you put them on, they're instantly

clean. Oh, read a good book. Okay. These are things you can just already do. Oh, oh, my bad. Oh, no, I get it. You look at a book and you almost instantly know what the whole book's about. Like, you read it. No, he didn't. That was not what you're thinking. I know, but I'm trying to help him. Yeah, yeah, I'm trying to help him.

Okay, that's not bad. Read a good book. Yeah, yeah. So you want to be, I don't think you'll be able to comprehend it once you even do that. Okay, understand a good book. Understand a good book And understand it Yeah Yeah

Wow So if you wrote If you instantly read MindConf You'd be like I understand Hitler No More like if I

Wrote The Art of War And I Understood it You know what like When you're little And you say What do you want to be

When you get older You're like I'm just gonna keep doing What I'm always been doing Getting bullied But now you get paid for it Is that how it works I guess

Were you bullied? No, he gets bullied here. No, but are you assuming, Zach, that he was bullied in his life? Yeah. I have a context clue, cowboy. I picked up on it. Okay, go ahead. Were you bullied?

In school, yeah. Okay. Well, then you're right, Zach. Not by, like, a Korean, but like, by, like, other Mexicans and black people. Wow. Sounds like we were pretty nice to you. The white people, yeah. Oh.

Yeah, yeah. What are your favorite thing about the Watts? The whites? Yeah. I like how y'all can rock camo and everything. You guys can't rock camo. Yeah, it looks good. Yeah, it looks pretty good.

Yeah, anything else? Nice mashed potatoes. Really good. Armaged on the top? Honestly, dude. Yeah. All the variations of mashed potato you've done over the years have been incredible. Once we invented Idaho, it was over for all.

Let's name them. All the potatoes. Tater tots. That's white. Brother. Brother? Brother, beautiful. But no, I'm saying this is how far this.

Because last time on the podcast, you baked it. We had things to talk about. He just said, let's name all the different types of potatoes. Like, I'm just, okay, I'm doing temperature checks. No, what whites have you done with the potato is remarkable. Thank you. Yeah, we've done baked.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm willing to rank. Would you go, what would you go on top? French fries. French fries, but I think the French did that, no? No, no, no. There's a comment. The Belgians did that if we looked that up, I think.

All right. Well, so you can't claim. Well, but they are white. They're whites. This is why, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So you get that. Thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Prize. Yeah. Would we go mashed potatoes second? No. Loaded mashed potatoes. No, my number one would be, for me, can I have my list? I mean, it's going to involve a lot of side stuff, but yeah. God, you know what, dude?

Your tone right now, I don't like it. You're saying there's going to be, there's some going to be asabi and like fish eggs. Is that what you're saying? He meant ponchan. Oh, Ponchon. Yeah, he meant ponchan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Korean sides.

No. I feel like I was being disrespectful, so I... I can do it back, bud. I can do this one, too. Oh, my brother, I've seen that one. I'll see that one. But anyway, I like... Baked is my number one.

Okay, that's what... Very cool. Yeah, with bacon, sour cream, cheddar cheese. Chives. Exactly. Yeah. Very bueno.

As your people would say. We don't say that You don't say Mui Buono? No, not to Anything like that What's the context of what Mui Beno You would use Mui Beno

She's like What are you talking What are you talking about? KBien KBien So you've never said Mui Beno No

What does Mui Bono mean? That's a white people thing But does it mean Does it make sense Mui Beno? Very good, right? Is that what it means? Yeah

I've never heard anybody say that. Oh my God. That's insane, dude. Only American. Well, it's grammatically incorrect. Okay, well, there we... Okay, tell me. Educate me.

Well, it's... Why is the white guy educating me? Well, you're going to answer a question. You say, muy bien, not muy, Bueno. All right, so the Muibuono... Bueno is like an American white thing. And that's my bet, and I'm going to be incorrect, and I apologize. So what is the right to a term?

Moi bien. Muibuien. Muibuian. Can I... I am so interested in you. that's why he's here I know you've found him but what's the genesis of

you becoming or you becoming here becoming friends with everybody well you know have you heard of the Alamiariachi I actually haven't you haven't no I apologize okay

and I'm sure that's a reference where well tell them what an are my El Mariachi is that like MS-13 no man yeah well that's part of the story and El Mariah a member from the MS-13

and a Tupacchi opera got together at a bar right i thought like nacho librae in iraq had sex yeah well there was a wrestler involved okay a Hispanic wrestler thank you right all four of them had sex well right and one of them farted let me just say that no you don't give me a bit anymore how did you get this group although he's about to go in a long bit i'm going a long bit yeah i know he was about to go down a ray mysterious a little fart came out right and little being came out with the fart you know as one does sometimes

when you do a fart oh the residue comes out right so a little being came out there's a little combina too but that's fine and that's to do with your birth right and one of the the wrestler was I'm gonna dig this home right

because it came out of the El Mariachi's butthole right and he you guys need to stand up he planted it you guys need to stand up when things like this happen we let it ride yeah let it ride why do you let it right because you're trying to clock out. Clock and clock out. No, you need to perform at your

job. When he's doing the fart bean. For ten years he watered this bin. For ten years he watered this bean. Where? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, very cool, dude. How did he find you? I'm a stand-up comedian. Okay. He just sold out the ice house.

Okay, that was a long time ago. Well, not a long time ago, but yeah, I'll just stand-up. comedian you saw me no that's not how I met you well what story do you want to tell him the bean I was I was how you were born I guess we're past that okay well so let's finish with the beans if we may

yeah yeah yeah yeah Zach loves this yeah so what is it Arikari give me one yeah so the what the fuck are you doing right now dude what am I doing fart bean don't tell me what I'm doing some people are born different dude Dude, I want to know.

Yeah, so, water him for 10 years, right? And something sprouted. And how many take over the story? And then I was from an AI, and then I did comment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, what the wrestler did was, you know what I mean? He took the sprout of the bean, right? He AIed it.

This is back in the day when AI wasn't even a thing. This feels like DMT. Like, if someone had to just be like, no, that's what it's about. The real, I don't know who his original, I was lying. And I mean this, I've punched for so much less. I know. Like, I've, I want you to punch me right now. See what happens.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You'd have to get thickboe in the back to come bump in. Look at this cuck. What's up, cuckie? Punch me in the face. That's like an ants looking up at Goliath. With your beaver teeth. I don't, I don't think I have, yeah, yeah, you're a beaver.

Actually, I went to the dentist. recently and he told me my teeth are too small for my face so suck it yeah and he said it looked and he said I need veneers but I think he was just trying to upsell me hopefully yeah he walked in the door and he just looked at me and he goes yeah yeah yeah too small for your face and I'm like what he's like your teeth they're just too small they are too small for your face let me see your chompers they are nice did you have uh did you have braces I did that's beautiful like a true American when did you come to the US I was born here

Like you. 171, Sharp's Hospital. Oh, my God. San Diego. What was, um, I came from a little. Did they put out the old test, or the new testament by then,

or was it just, you got the old test? What happened was at the hospital, they planted a little rice kernel. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Where's Jules? There's, that's me. She's on her way. Look at the screen. I don't, is that you the dad that you don't like, but you talk about a lot and cry?

I love my dad. What are you talking about? What are you talking about? What are you, doing right now. I'm calling Jules. She's not coming. Yes, she is. Why do you need her help? Because she needs to see this. Okay.

Zach got nervous. About what? Your Asian father? No. My alpha male energy. I like how you looked around the room. Where are you? Yeah. She hanged up on it.

Yeah, yeah. My alpha male energy. That means she's close. She's close. Yeah. Are you with anyone? no man if you're paying rent you gotta use built built

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you know when you pay rent right you're just paying rent but with built you get so much more right Jaime yeah yeah yeah and when you pay rent through built, Jaime, you unlock access to exclusive benefits from a network of more than 45,000

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Where is that? It's somewhere at Mexico. I'm asking. Yeah, yeah, yeah, because I like ancient ruins. I love ancient ruins. I love ancient ruins. Oh, yeah, yeah, cool. Build points have been ranked the most valuable currency by the points guy, and they just announced built cash,

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Three launches per day for rewards. Launches expire each day at 11.59 p.m. Eastern Time, non-withdrawable rewards and amounts vary per launch and are subject to game and expiration limits. Terms at Casino. Dotgings.com slash promos, sponsored by D.K. Crown Holdings, Inc. That means, that means she's close. She's close. Yeah, yeah. Are you with anyone? No, man. No man? A woman? Oh. No, like, no, man. I'm single. Oh, thank God. Jules, sit down. We're doing rice and bean bits.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But we want to talk about the date we went on the other day, me and you. Bobby's not happy. He's not happy. Well, I picked him. You picked him? Yeah. Yeah, okay.

Am I like a father figure to you? I think so. Yeah. I know so. Tito Bobby. Yeah, yeah. That's what she always said. Get the fuck up for a sec.

All right? All right? I know. So I'm your Cheetah Bobby, right? I forbid you for dating this man again. Because he's white? Not just that. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah.

There's some racism. Yeah, yeah. Have I ever been racist to you? You always call me. What? The nickname Jungle Monkey. So this is her big bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You call her Jungle Monkey friend? I do not call her Jungle Monkey, but this is her big bit. Anytime I introduce her to someone new, First thing out of her mouth, he calls me Jungle Monkey. And I will say this, my trainer is black, and he walked into the podcast studio because we do a podcast together. Yeah. And the first thing, like, and the term monkey around a certain demographic can really get dicey. She goes, he calls me Jungle Monkey.

And he thought we were serious. And I had that whole explanation to do. Anyway. Anyway, does he really call you that? Yeah. Okay. Well, that's one reason. Yeah, that's one reason.

And are you attracted to Zach? Um. Are you attracted to Zach? You already know I don't like white dicks. I know, I know. Okay, well, I haven't shown you that. Yeah, yeah. But Zach is funny and cute.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you. Okay. You guys look cute together now. Thank you so much. No, I mean, no, as a podcast partners, it's great. We just, it just feels right. Yeah.

So we did blind dating. It was me versus a model He was so hot He was so hot And she chose me Really Why didn't you choose the model Because he wasn't speaking

Like he was Oh You need them to speak later He spoke later Yeah but I don't like Australian accents Oh okay But was he hot

So hot And was there a hot girl For you to date or no There were other No no She's a girl What? She's Dora

What? She's Dora the Explorer then She told me to put on my boots That's why I got my boots No, no, no, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, I got my boots. Yeah, yeah. Hi, hi, man.

Yeah. Hey, Joel. If you want to observe butterflies and wear a backpack, then you hang out with her. Like Dora does. The Explorer. We've eaten, we've done so many things together.

We had Jollybee together. Oh, that's what I want to. He hates the spaghetti. It's the worst. It is terrible. You said you loves Jollybee. When did I say that? Every time we go, every time we go to the Philippines.

Why are you raising your voice, dude? Why do you get so angry? You're screaming too. Who was screaming for us? Can we, Jaime? Exactly. Thank you, thank you. Thank you.

I do love that Jules has no in-between voice. It's either, hi, Bobby. Yeah, or it's, you know. Yeah, it's like one or ten. Yeah. Can you go five? No. Okay, you're at one now.

Yeah, yeah. Have you heard about her other dating excursions? Of, like, why she doesn't enjoy the white penis? I don't ask her these kind of questions. You think I do? She just comes in hot and heavy. Yeah, but she doesn't talk to me. Yeah, I do.

Oh, that's sad. Hi, Tita Bobby. That's it. We saw a show last night together. Fun show. Pluribus, yeah. She has met up with two separate white men in the first time she's met these guys is in a parking lot and she's hooked up with them. Do you not know about this?

Whoa. Teetababi. Why are you outing me? What are you talking about? Is this online? This is the genesis of her not liking the white species because she says the wiener is translucent. I mean, I think everyone knows to Bobby. Yeah, yeah.

I think a lot of knows about it. Okay, so you hooked up with two white guys? Yeah. At the same time. No. Oh, thank God. I thank the Lord Jesus Christ himself. All right.

So in the parking lot? Yeah. What parking lot? No, no, no, no, don't tell him the high about parking lot. He's not telling them the parking lot. He's riding it down. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's riding down.

He will be at that parking lot Yeah, yeah, so jerking off And it does stop that No, I'm not gonna jerk off I'm gonna have my own female there You just want to be... Oh, female, is it a human?

Are you just like... AI Bean? Oh my God. AI Bean. AI Bean. So he's yes anding from a long time ago. Yeah, from the last...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the AI improv there didn't really make any sense. I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't like it. That's all right. You go to sunset and then...

Stop. Sunset and... So, I mean, May I ask some questions? Please. Okay. How recently was it? No, this was during the pandemic.

Oh, yeah, I knew about those. You spoke about like it was three weeks ago and you still had dry stuff on you. Like, what are we talking about? No, because I was traumatized. It was so pale and chancousin. And then the other guy I told you had like really like cheesy dick. Oh, that would have. I love the cheese, though.

I've on pizza. But not on dick. But she said it was like mozzarella or whatever. What was the term you used? Was it a mound? Like how you said you had to like... To like move it away to like clean it a little bit with my hands. No, that shouldn't be, that shouldn't happen.

Because that's never happened to me. I generally don't know what you mean when you say cheese. Like the thick white thing. That's what I saw. Smagma. A natural cheese like substance composed of. Smeagel's brother, smegma. I have to do a Lord of the Rings.

Oh, okay. Well, my guy made it out the hood, like M&M, so I don't have, like, I don't have four skin. Yeah, I don't have four skin. So they had four skin. Yeah. Okay. Oh, that makes more sense. What I do is if I, if there's, like, a 30% chance that I'm going to hook up with somebody, I'll get on my knees.

No. No, stop. You suck yourself off. Dude, that's a crazy move. That's a crazy move. No, no, no, no. Okay. In the bathtub, right?

Put in lukewarm water. I'm all in on this, yeah. I take three different body washes. Yeah. And I scrape the taint, the sack area. I clean it out. That's respectable. I do one spray of a clone, right?

I'm a little nervous that the taste in their mouth would then be... Oh, here's the trick on that. Okay. You don't put it on the shaft. You put it on the pub region. Okay, okay. Or you lift the sack out and you do a little squirt in the taint. Okay, okay, no, no, no, totally respectable, because if you throw foreign oils and I could be completely wrong and fragrance inside the vagina, that could be, that could be, that's a YouTube to happen. And I'm a doctor and I'm very mindful of those. No, no, no, you play one on TV or at least you've been in the casting of it. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's cut to a clip. Yeah, I understand. How is the lunch table podcast going? Really bad, downhill. Yeah, I played a doctor. Oh, you did play one in the TV.

Hell yeah. In the classic animal practice. Where do I know that actor's from this behind you? Whitley, that's Kim Whitley. Did she play The Hooker in Curb Your Enthusiasm? Possibly. Okay. Yeah, Kim Whitley is so funny.

Betsy Sedaro, Tyler Bean, and everyone else. Anyway, the monkey. Anyway, let's go back to that. Yeah, why is it just a picture of poorly Photoshop faces? Um, so, um, how's the podcast goes? It's going downhill. What do you mean? No, no, it's good.

Yeah. How many have you done so far? Uh, 11, 10, 11, I don't know. Probably 20 something, 30. I've done like 50 something, but you came on. Later. Let's bring up business. Yeah, yeah, let's bring up.

Oh, you're going to pitch me that game show idea again or whatever. The game show. You, you pitched me an Andrew something. A board game. Uh, it was an app. And it was phenomenal. It is phenomenal. We still talk about it.

No, you don't. I know. No, I shot a pilot, and I wanted you to be in it. The director's phenomenal. And I was like, hey, do you want to come in and be this pilot of this episode that we're shooting? And then you're like, dude, yeah. And then I followed up, never heard from you again. I'll tell you why.

I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why. There's a respect thing that happens between our cultures that is. We're the same culture you fucked hard. No, we're not. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like I'm a P-O-W back in Vietnam when I hang out with you.

Don't, dude. Come on one-legged, hopping Vietnamese, dude. Come on, dude. Oh, you're a... Platoon reference. Platoon reference, everybody. You act like a tunnel toddler. That's what you act like.

Dude, you probably could make a better trail than I can. Let's hear your excuse. All right, so I get a lot of these from the TikTokers. You know what I mean? From TikTok hat talent. You know what I mean? Fringe. I'm kidding.

You're legit. That's what you're here. I love you. Um, so this is what I get a lot. I'll be on a comedy store. I don't care what you get a lot. I want to know why you didn't respond to me. Can I get to my explanations, Zach?

Yeah, but anytime you go on a, this haiku, it's going to take me 84 years. Go ahead. You don't even know what a haiku is. It's a 575. Okay, all right. All right. Well, interesting. Get on the mic, please.

Sit down, please. Sit down, please. Hi, so good to see you. See you sit down? I can't. Yeah, yeah, you guys. Honey, she's like, sit down. Sit down.

Honey? If you don't sit down, sit down. If you don't sit down, you leave my house. Sit down for a second. It's so great to meet you. Hi. Yeah, hi. So that's Jules's mom.

Yeah. Honey, first time ever on screen? No, you saw me in Cebu. No, on, what? On the story. What's the beeping? I just want to, it's the kitchen burning? I turn off everything already.

It's nice to see you. It's so great to you as well. I know. What's the beeping about? I don't know what's going on. I turn off everything, even the candles downstairs. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's a fire alarm?

Yeah. Okay. How is it raising Jules? She's different. She's very silent. She's silent. She's silent. Right?

She's never silent with me for whatever reason. Yeah, for reason she's not silent with me either. If she likes people, she's not silent. Yeah, she's just, she's just screaming. What do you think? Oh, my God. She screams a lot, right? Bobby always says she.

Can I ask you a question, right? May I ask you a question? What? If I know how to cook a rice? Classic Asian question. You're the first Asian person I've ever met in my life. They didn't know how to cook rice. Well, he, Gilbert doesn't know how to cook rice.

I don't know to cook rice. If you don't use the rice cooker, you don't know how. Yeah, he knows how to cook rice. What? She's not the first. She doesn't know how to cook anything. Anything, dude. Is there any fun facts about you?

I don't know how to cook rice. Yeah, that's fantastic. That's a fun fact. Are you pretty, are you as open as Jules with, okay. Wait, what? What's she hiding? Well, she told me like a little fun game you guys play, and I was just wondering if it was. Oh, don't be, nothing.

Let me, I know stuff. You're a meth addict. Yeah. Oh, you guys always. Still? No, no, no. No. Oh, well, how was it?

Tough. That was, that was hard. Yeah. I mean, everybody knows it's hard. Yeah. How'd you kick it? How did you kick it? There's certain things that you can just, you know?

There's certain things we know. You don't have to be like, I also did meth. Okay. Like there's some like, yeah. Go ahead. Honey? Yeah. How'd you kick it?

It wasn't hard. It was fun. That was the funniest days of my life. Of being. Yeah. It was just an experience. I mean, you can't. But how did you quit?

I know how you quit. I was hard. It was really hard. What happened? I was placed in rehab. Yeah. I stayed for, I stayed for six. I thought you were locked in a room, like, Colila's dad.

Yes. Colila's dad, right, locked you in a room, tied to a radiator or something. Yeah, something like that. Yeah, you're Clyla's sister, is that? Adopted sister. Adopted sister. Yeah, yeah. That's amazing.

But still family. Family, very, and very successful. She owns this store in the Philippines. Oh, wow, that's amazing. I do really actually want to go. Yeah. Oh, so you've been on Tiger Belly if I remember that. Yes.

It's her shop. Yeah. Wow, look at that. God. What a beautiful, at memories, huh? I look like, I don't know.

She asked Jaime for permission if she could leave. I just, I just, he has no power. Yeah, yeah. You went to the guy with the least power

and asked, can I leave yet? Each power? I have a-hme's really nice. Yeah, I have a small question. Here we go. Jules said you, you guys have this like prank game that you,

play together where you lift up each other's dresses and and show each other's pussy and yeah yeah yeah that's normal for everybody okay okay anyway what the fuck are we talking about okay good honey uh my way so nervous yeah yeah yeah thank you honey thank you honey come back yeah yeah very good very good keep no more beeping thank you um well that was uncomfortable Well, she, so her and Jules... I don't want to talk about it anymore, actually. Okay. Okay.

What is this? They scrub rub and then put each other's faces. Like, that's our family joke. Yeah, sometimes mama will just, like, put her hand on her vagina and just let me smell it. Let me. Oh. And what does it smell? I can imagine.

It's not smelly. Yeah, yeah. Well, really? But, yeah. There's no follow-ups to that. What do you mean? You were just like, what does it smell like? It wasn't like, why?

You know, because I had 38 questions loaded up about how do you get to a point like that with your dog? Well, I believe if you and I were, you know, in the Marines, we're in the shower, we had a hard day on the, on the, in a mission. Yeah. We had a mission. Some people died. Our friend, Clover. Legs blown off from my AED. Yours?

No. Clover. No, I thought you meant you put the IED down. I did put it. it down yeah so it's the same thing except for them it's iudies so it's like uh you know is it iud i think so yeah well i ud is in the woman i i i was making a i ud i was making a i ud i was attempting you're right it's i ed it's i ed no i know but iud is what women uh it's a birth control thing and i was making a joke it didn't work well yeah because who i was talking to is retorted

dude you want me to promote this yeah no no no it's my Promoted. Okay. Anyway, Marines, let's move on from that. Anyway, we're in the shower. If I rub my penis and I would hate it. I know, but you would do it. I would hate it too if you did it, but I would smell it. No, I wouldn't smell it.

What about with your dad's? Yeah, I've never even seen my dad's genitals. Same. Yeah, yeah, ever. I haven't seen my dad very much in general, though. I grew up with my mom mostly. Yeah. If you were more lovable, maybe it would stay.

but anyway um where's your tooth i know i missed the tooth okay if you were ever to meet your dad oh i thought one of them was talking i was like if you were ever to meet your dad would you punch him in the penis uh no i wouldn't would you hug him that would be a fun game to play your dad

papa good to see you papa and hug him and now i would just be like how do you throw a curveball dude please god teach me what about you and your family you have one yeah i punch my dad in the penis Did you? That's a fun game. It's kind of the same thing as hers, but I don't see my dad's penis. I just don't know what's going on.

I just mean this in the most respectable way. Like, I can see you walking down the street and just trying a rock. Just being like, no. Okay, you can't eat it, but it looked good. Yeah, yeah. Oh, he's tried many things. Yeah. What's the, what's the strangest thing you've tried?

The rock. Good improv, dude. A good improv. A really good improv. Like you're supposed to add information to come up with something else. Ask them again. Maybe it's just a true story. Ask them again.

So if you're, what's the craziest thing you've done? Of eating grass in the fifth grade. Okay. That's good. What about worms? Like how to eat, how to fry worms or what? How to fight worms? Eat worms.

How to fry them? Like the book? You can fry them, yeah. Yeah, you've seen the book, right? Have you tried it? I've seen the book, but I didn't read it. I know. You just saw a cover one time.

You're like, I'm going to reference this on a podcast I shouldn't be on. Yeah Hell yeah, dude How to eat fried rome Warms You haven't said One thing right In 20 seconds

Say one thing right Because you're driving me crazy Okay What do you want me say What do you want me say dude Say all that again But right Was your

Was your SAT score Higher than the numbered pencil You used to write it with? I'm against SAT Okay Okay Okay What?

He's against them dude We don't talk about politics You're vehemly against them Yeah Okay. It's like, I don't believe in corporations. I wonder you would score on an SAT. M. Hmm. Oh, yeah.

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I don't believe in corporations I wonder you would score on an SAT Give me one And then I'll Just give them one Yeah let's pull up some SAT questions And see if I'm me Yeah

Oh everybody No not me Okay, us three Yeah I'm so dumb though Yeah yeah yeah yeah You're not dumb No

You were just English is your second language Yeah And you also graduated from college That's good That's huge what was your degree Okay, here we go

Go zoom in Because I can't even read Okay, which of the following Consists of all A values That satisfies the given system Of inequalities Go ahead No comment with degree

You go first Step up Let me see A Work it out Plus 4 Good I'm going to go with B Let's see if you got it right

I'm going to go with D I already know What is it? Oh, we have to take the whole thing. Oh, we're good. It was a fun bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Good job, Jaime.

You mean one math guy like, you guys are idiots. What is it? Oh, it was it? It was? Yeah. Okay. All right. Was it?

Wow. Oh, okay. I looked at you. You're my beacon of white hope. I was just going to agree with you. Yeah. Yeah. I'm glad you guys are in better spirit.

It's last time I was here you guys were yelling at each other. They always yelled at each other. No, we weren't. You two were over. text exchange and I think you were right what was the text that changed about? I'm sorry I don't want to revisit. I'm trying to remember you uh yeah it was about

Zach though right? It wasn't I think it was about I thought someone else was coming oh yeah and you're mad that it was me Graham Stefan That ain't good brother man Yeah yeah but then I was joyful I'm a big fan of old boy

No you Oh no you're not not. I really am. If you texted some, okay. Oh, yeah, let's go back to that. Yeah, what happened to the movie? Oh, the movie. Let's go back to that. Yeah, yeah. I mean, we went on a Jaime tangent and I just, you know, when we were going on Jaime Tampage, I get confused.

So here's, here's the deal, okay? Okay. I get offers from people are like, like, I'll give you an example. Harland, Williams has another movie. Who's that? You don't know Harlem, women? Okay, well, then, that's insane. We were going to potentially,

I was, I'm not done, let me finish my fucking thing. dude, all right? So Harlan's just like... So Harlan's like, hey, buddy, what's up, Sarah Silverman? That's what he calls me. And I go, what's up? He goes, I have another movie.

I want you to be in. I go, all right, well, call my agent. Right? And then my agent will call me and tell me what the offer is because it's business. It's business. Right?

And it's like, when I do it directly, then it's like, then I got to call my agent. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? So just do it the correct way and I'll do it. Yeah, just give me the contact of your agent

It's Googleable You text it back Yeah, I'm in Then you call CAA And then you go Hey, Bobby said he was in on this project Here's the offer This and that

And then My agent will go I'm not doing the movie with you And Anna Farris anymore then Why? Oh That one struck a chord Didn't it?

You know about that film huh? Yeah You're excited about that one Because you're playing the main character It's my movie I've read it You don't like it I love it

I wanted to play your room mix. I thought it would be a really funny dynamic. And they'd be fun, too. Okay. Now you're out. I don't care. I'll get Seth Green. Seth Green.

Not even a comparable. Right. Here's a thing. But if that movie won't, you know, we get the funding for that movie, right? Who's your agent? UTA. Right. We'll call UTA and go, can Zach do this moment?

This is the... But I handle everything kind of internally. I kind of handle everything internally. That's not how I do it. Well, you should. It's business. No, I shouldn't. when it comes to film and television now

well you're just moving maybe you're moving a little too slow maybe I'm like on the fast track and I'm ready to get things done oh excuse me Anders Schultz yeah I mean the future of everything what are you talking about dad

thank you yeah yeah you're welcome but if we get to do that picture together I think it would be dynamic well I know and I will give you the proper proposal okay through your agency okay is Anna back in or

yeah sweet we don't know yet I think about that No, but there are other people that call They're like now that we offer Now they have interest Great So there's things going back and forth

It's in motion Yeah, so And people want to get on a moving train What? Is that what? Yes, that's the same And what? People want to get on a moving train

On a moving train That's a really good thing Yeah, I don't understand it Oh, if you ever run a train You have of course you want it to move So that's true Yeah, I got that reference Why not playing?

good point yeah people want to be in my mind you guys don't leave this like place yeah yeah and then I just like walk in there's another one

yeah yeah yeah that's beautiful you can do a car you can do other moving boats rickshaw yeah people don't want to be

on a moving rickshaw are we just name the things that move okay I'll get in there sale you one that moves boat

boat yeah exactly I love this game please replay it because I said that four seconds before he did it. I said sailboat and the first thing he goes, boat, rock yeah, yeah, hell yeah. You know

comedy's all about delivery. And he nailed it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I think I never had. I never had your delivery. So I don't, that's why I think I never made Insta. Well, because you're, no, you're, he's a character. Yeah. You mean, like he's like a Pauly Shore. He's just him. But which is

funnier to me, I like when people are funny without meaning to. That's him. Yeah, exactly. Those are my favorite, those are the most funny people yeah like me i i genuinely i try to like intellectualize too much you're too smart and yeah exactly yeah this guy there's not a thought that goes to his body you want to get on the it's all nerves it's all nerve endings he goes you want to get on moving train yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah see he repeats things right but there's some people that do it really well like i think theo does it really well where he can tell he's smart but he can play like he dumps it down yeah yeah yeah

i got to work on that yeah yeah i think i do that or Do you think I do it or no? No. Yeah, yeah. What? Smart. You think I'm smart? Yeah.

I don't know much. You're very smart. Oh, thank you. You understand the cadence of a joke, though. I do. Yeah. I understand the structure of joke and all that stuff. Yeah, yeah.

But I don't know, like we took that quiz a while back, and I don't know things like. A fifth grader quiz. Like a fifth grader quiz. That's fine. What do you need to know that for? What's the biggest planet in our galaxy? Yeah, like, I don't want to know. Or solar system, I don't know.

What do people think I'm going to be hanging out with these guys? Like, I've got to fit in, no, dude. I want to hang out with those fifth graders. What are your feelings about AI Atlas? Didn't it just break apart into, like, three parts? And then, like, the tails are in such a way where it would be some type of forward force. And it's not melting in the way that it should as approaches the sun. Yeah.

It's very interesting. But it's going a different direction. It's not heading toward er. So that gives me, like, it's not an alien. Well, why? Why not? Because you would think that, like, you know what I mean, uh, intellectual, you know what I mean, a species that's flying through our galaxy

or our solar system is going to go, holy shit, there's a planet here with beings that let's visit it. Or maybe, or maybe they're, they're low on, uh, whatever energy they need and they're going to the biggest source. Because like, if we're passing by an ant hill, but we need oil for our cars, we're going to go to where the oil is. Maybe they need to capture the sun's energy to take it back to their planet.

They're not worried about a lower species like us, you know. Why do you downplay human race? We're not a lower species. Well, some of us. Don't look at them. No, you're the highest of all species. I love you so much. We're definitely a lower species if they figured out a way

to intergalactic travel. Yeah, yeah. But it's not going light speed, too. You would think that an intergalactic, you know what I mean? spacecraft would go light speed. I don't think we can conceptualize how to think about it if they've done it.

There's no way for us to know what's right now. You know what the three eye atlas is? Yeah. What is it? I would volunteer to... Save the kids. You would violent... Oh, so that's an interesting question. What you're saying is this.

If, like, close encounters of the third kind, one of the greatest... Who's seen it? Raise your hand? okay no one is it's a Spielberg movie yeah I haven't seen it's incredible I've heard it's good yeah yeah yeah 2001 of Space Odyssey

I also haven't seen and I feel really better masterpiece yeah I heard it's really good but in close encounters of the third kind if you haven't seen it an alien race comes to earth and all the scientists and all the important people right get together

and they get all the mathematicians and all the people together and they're trying to figure out how to communicate with this thing. Meanwhile, the spacecraft is only giving out a song, like a town, which is, na, na, na, na, na, na. You've heard that, right? Yeah.

Where? A nursery rhyme? That's not a nursery rhyme. No, no, nah, nah, nah. Star Wars? No, it's fucking close encounters with their kind. Oh, okay. So this is similar to a rival.

I've seen a rival. It's, so what happens is, but, people on planet earth, just regular people, some of them get an instinct to go where the spacecraft is. They don't know why they want to go. Go. Right? But they get, they dream

about, because the spacecraft is on this mountain hill, right? It's like a mountain. So like, so, what's his name? Steven Spielberg. No, no, no, the lead act. Richard Dreyfus, you know what I mean? He takes a bunch of soil from the backyard and he makes

this mountain inside his living room. Do you remember and his wife was going what the fuck you're doing because like i don't know you know i'm obsessed with this right and he sees it in the news and he just and just random people just start getting out of their house and going there describing movies is kind of like describing a dream that you had to someone where you're like trying to be like there yeah yeah do you get it what i'm saying right and so then when they act get there they end it's been it's been a movie's been out for 50 years i don't well no spoiler yeah so when they oh god yeah when they show up there right goes All the scientists and all the people

are standing in front of the thing because when the aliens come out but also the people that wandered in there kind of snuck in there too and the aliens walk out of the ship and they grab, touch the hands of the people that, you know what I mean? They touched.

That's cool. And they all get on the ship. Where'd they go? That's the thing. There's no fucking close encounters too. We don't know where they went. It's a beautiful movie. I think my sci-fi is a little bit closer to home.

I'll watch movies like her Have you seen her? Love it Like that's one of my favorite movies But it just feels like that's definitely going to be In a year, maybe two years I mean so many people are falling in love with their AI bots now Or have you seen a Blade Runner 2049 Yeah I loved it

Or Anna Deiarmus is just like a hologram Yeah I loved it I signed me up Is your crush right? Just put the hologram version is my crush Like that's what I want I Wait wait so let me let me get the

straight friend. This is a Japanese woman who got married to her AI she made of an anime character. Okay, I'm not there yet. Yeah, yeah. So she had someone filling as him to put it on, but she... The finger is it. Yeah. This is not as bad as the girl. She married the Ferris wheel. Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's her husband.

Wow. He's hot. He's hot. He's hot. He's got it. He's hot. He's hot. He's hot. He's hot. He's hot. He's hot. He's not real. Yeah. But I guess at what point, do you think it ever be okay? Let me think about that. If there was, if I can designer,

my AI companion in a factory, you know, I would spend some time with it, you know what's going on, guys? Nothing.

You don't know. What is going on? Me? Yeah, what are you doing? She was looking at my notes. I wasn't. Yeah, yeah.

Hey, why can't we have like an alien movie like E.T. Come in real life. Remember E.T? I was just thinking about Spielberg, that guy. Always something with aliens. Right?

Him and that George Lucas guy. I thought he was going to say George Lopez. I really thought he was going to say that. E.T. Remember that movie? Yoda was in it. Do we were, no. Yoda? We were on the brink of probably the most intellectual conversation to ever be had in this podcast.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he storms in off the top. top rope and just pile drives. Pile drives. And now, guess what? We have to now acknowledge it. That's the sad part. Hold on, hold on.

You're talking about Stephen Spielberg, so he made E.T. too. Moments so long ago. Yeah, but the whole thing is Yoda's in E.T. Yeah. Look it up. You always have it in Yoda. In E.T. Yeah, yeah.

So what, but your question was, what if E.T. was real? Yeah. Let's make that a real thing. Okay. of the close encounters to the third kind. So you want that to be real? It's a different movie.

Those are two different movies. No, no, look up E.T. They're just two photos spliced together. No, look it up. Yeah. I've seen E.T. Yeah, I do one, Yoda, E.T. And Jane Goodall.

No, no, no, no. If we're going to do it, let's do it. No, look at Yoko the gorilla. Just put Cocoa the gorilla in there. What are we doing here, dude? No, Yoda's an E.T. I've seen that movie so many times. Okay.

What? See, do this. is Yoda in the movie E.T. Shit, he is. Okay, let me see. Let me see the photo. I'm just so interested of what you're fighting for.

Yeah, yeah, we'll figure out what, yeah. Oh, yeah, he was a costume. Yeah, some kid in a Halloween costume was... But that's a little Easter egg. That looks like Oxnard. Where was that film? This whole interruption was for... Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I love E.T. Yeah, so technically you're right. Yeah, so you want E.T. to be real. Why do you want it to be real? Yeah, what was your pitch? I don't know, just a kid being friends with an alien, that's pretty cool. Like Macing Me?

No, no, no, I need to break this down because you said, why don't we make that real? And then you kind of got mad that To understand it? I don't understand it. Yeah, it's a dead end. Can you ever see Macing Me? Yeah, it was so Macon Me

No, I'm not bringing up... He's trying to show off all the alien movies. Well, no, Macon Me was a rip-off of E.T. Yeah. Right. And Mac and Me is one of the worst

movies considered ever made. There's a scene in it where there's a fucking five-minute McDonald's commercial. Do you remember that? Yeah.

Go Mac and my McDonald's. All right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember that. This is in a movie. Don't dance to this.

Yeah, look at it. They're in a McDonald's. It looks like it's in a Wendy's with that arch. Yeah. What is happening? Why there's so much foliage

that's in the movie and it's five minutes long. I can name alien movies. No, we know, dude. Mars attack? All right. Can I turn this off? Look at Ronald McDonald's in it.

Yeah, yeah. Mars attacks? Yeah. That's a good one. Oh, my God, dude. I don't know what you guys are talking about anymore. I don't either.

I guess we're going to... Oh, wait, no, you're saying how long... I don't want to do it. It isn't appropriate to date an AI. Okay, if the skin was real, right, like felt like real skin, warm, and... Don't say, yeah, have to say warm. Don't have to say warm.

My AI girlfriend was warm. Yeah, because you imagine these new androids that they're making. So, so, I'm out. Yeah, that's not real enough for me. They would have to have a body for you to consider it, like, okay. A body and also the AI intelligence, like, hello, Bobby. But when will... When will AI and humans have their 2015 moment?

Isn't that when the gays were allowed to marry? Oh, well, I mean, the lady just married something that didn't exist. I think you married anything. That's too, like, that's weird, it's preemptive. At some point, it's going to be so, like, say there's a, like, you don't know I'm AI, but I'm in a computer, but I have like the same cadence of, I'm in. Whoa, I'm in. Yeah, I'm in at that.

If that's AI, I'm in. I'm in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, who's that guy? Who's that geriat? He doesn't deserve her. Yeah. Yeah, I mean...

Why is it covering your... I don't know, sorry. Fell out. So if that's AI, I'm in, and if I had a wedding... That's another question. If I had a full-blown wedding in, like, Belize... Yeah. Right?

A wedding in Belize. Everyone's got to fly out there and marrying. You mean? Oh, oh, oh. Chime. Chime. Chime. Chime.

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What are you talking about it? What the hell is anybody here talking about you? I feel better if I have to go to Jules for sanity. But you wouldn't go to my wedding. Who's burning the house again? Get honey. Honey, what is going on here? What is going on? There's no fire, she says.

It's just... I'm sorry, Zach. No, it's okay. Take your time. It's his house. Hi, man. You said you had some questions for Zach? Me? Are you? I don't know. Can I go on your show? Yeah, man. The Dane's show? Sure. You find love. You want to come on pop the balloon?

Yeah. Okay, sick. My God. For real. That'll be hilarious. I'm being for real. I'm being for real. I don't want this AI bullshit, man. I wasn't going to give you any of that.

You'd never fucking AI, Hyman? No. Why not? Well, no, because he said it felt real. I don't want it felt real. I want to feel real. I want the real thing. You don't want it past ads.

Okay, you want a president. No, felt. He's like, I wanted to feel real or some shit. I don't know what he said. But yeah, look, can I come on the show? Yeah, man. You're in. I like back.

For real. No. I saw you at the Burbank Airport. And I want to... What's your transition? I don't know. Okay. And then where did you go after that?

To the airport? Yeah. I saw you at the airport. You were again Starbucks with a homie. I don't drink Starbucks, but keep going. Well, you were in front of Starbucks. Okay. You know what you're on talking about?

Is there only one at the Burbank airport? Probably that one. And I was going to say hi to you, but I was running late to my gate. Oh, well, sorry. that opportunity, dude. Chime. Chime. Chime.

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No-min balance required. Chime card on-time payment history may have a positive impact on your credit score. Results may vary. See chime.com for details and applicable terms. I would have went out to you and be like, hey, you know, Jules? But then you would have been like, who are you? No, I probably would have been like Jules who? Rudy Jules. I would have said, yeah.

And then you would have said. I do Tiger Belly with her. And I said, oh, great. We do the lunch table together. Huh? Then I would have been like, yeah, we do the lunch table. Oh, yeah. And then you would have went to your gate.

I wouldn't miss the gate by then. Oh, because you were running so late. Yeah, I was a minute late. And it was a black lady. Okay. Well, it was a black lady since she, you know, the government was shut down. So she was already pissed. And, uh.

I was in here for two minutes. Yeah, she's talking about. Zach was coaching Jaime in a conversation with himself. I was listening. What's the God's name is going on? He's talking about a time we almost met. Okay. All right, let's start over.

Okay. Yeah, because all these themes, No more, it's T. Spielberg. You brought up Spielberg. Yeah, because I was referring, because we were talking to three, we went from three-eye Atlas. You know what I mean?

And then you came back around too late with the alien stuff. You said, why don't we make ETSY real? What's up with that? Yeah, you should have done it in the chunk when I was talking about. Well, you were talking, so I didn't want to interrupt. I know, but then we went into something else, and then two minutes later, you brought on, you know?

E.T. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I didn't want it to go away. Have you seen E.T? Yeah, I've seen it. What do you do when you're alone? Oh, my God. I can't even imagine. Well, ask her his roommate.

No, no, no. Okay. Who's your roommate? Right there. But, um. Didn't she say she's your assistant? Don't know. Shot.

Huh? No. shot you have an assistant right no yeah you literally said she's your assistant i didn't say that what are you talking about on the pod can i ask yeah can i ask you questions yeah yeah she does help him with his finances yeah okay don't put okay cut that out okay she doesn't she doesn't help with us finance okay do you want to say your name again oh my name is carina carina um are you from oxnard no okay i'm from dallas oh yeah Yeah, accent, accent was Oxnard.

She's not impressed by you, dude, so I don't know what you're doing. I'm not trying to impress her. Oh, he's cute. You're cute. You're cute. You're handsome. Thank you so much. Do me now. You're a guy. You're human. It's your show. This is your show. So that was her compliment. Oh, you have a show.

What does he do in his free time, this gentleman? He watches a lot of movies. Oh, great. What are some of his favorites? E.T. Oh, my God. He actually does watch. But if you were to, okay, if he wasn't watching a movie and you just randomly came in home without a warning,

is he kind of standing in a corner? What is he doing? Well, sometimes he just stares at his, like. Yeah, I picked up on that. He's staring at, what is it? Yeah, like his laptop and stuff. Is there anything on it? Porn.

Sometimes it's just music. Okay. It's just music. He lets his stare at music. I don't listen to it. We just straight. How did you guys come about Habitating the same

Living environment? That's a long story I doubt it It is Okay Yeah it is Are you guys dating? No

Have you guys ever been like a little drunk And tongue wrestled? Okay hey just throwing it out there It just didn't know I didn't wait And I want to because she's like You find Karina attractive? No

Okay Oh why do you find unattractive about her Oh wait what? Her. Is her name Karina, too? I was looking at Jews. What's going on with you? I was looking at Joe.

Did you sleep last night? Huh? He was watching too much music. He was watching too much music, man. Are you in town for how long? I don't know. Definitely. Till Thursday.

Until Thursday, I think. Until Thursday. So, wait, let's go back. You don't find her attractive? No. Why do you keep looking at Joe? I'm looking at Joe's. You think tools is attractive?

No. I mean You know, I shot my No, I was kidding Sorry, Zach Is that why you want to know We're not We're not talking about Jules

I know No, you don't Imagine Imagine me like Do you think Jules is cute to me And I go No, Bobby What are you talking about?

No, I find Jewel's attractive, no? What? The question is me Yeah, yeah, yeah Look at her You're not even looking at her. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think he's scared of me. Oh. Or maybe he likes you. No. Did she walk around in her underwear at home? No. He goes, okay, no. Like sweatpants?

Why did you touch me? I didn't touch you? Yeah, she didn't. I tapped you. Yeah, but like, what were you agreeing on? Touch is this. Tap. Yeah.

Were you, like, telling me she does walk around in her underwear? No. Yeah. Have you ever seen her in a bathing suit? No. You never seen her bathing suit. Okay. Do you guys not swim?

No, I don't. Yeah. He's lying. You have, yes, you have. You got swam together. No, we didn't swim together. He's seen me in a bathing suit. He has seen you in a bathing suit?

Yeah. Yeah, where? Why are you lying? Why are you so nervous? Yeah, I think you do like her. Oh, man. Yeah, yeah. Which is okay.

It's okay. Very attractive. Thank you. No. What are, what are, how could he improve to maybe be a, you know, in your twinkle? Nothing. Nothing. So he's perfect.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I wouldn't say that. Not that you're not, but it's just. You have your type, but he's not your type. Yeah, and I'm not his type. What, okay, what are, we're best friends. Like, that's just out of like the. I see, I see, I see.

But if you, genuinely, if you think you walked in his room 2 a.m. And you just kind of threw a Hail Mary. Do you think he'd say no? I don't... Yeah, he would say no. I'm not his type and I... Okay. So, I love his excuse.

He goes, it's because I'm not home. Okay. But if you were home, you would... No. No, I'm never home. Oh, my God. Okay. Let's go back to you.

So the three-eyed braven. And thank you, Karina. Thank you for your time. A lot of little pop-up guest stars in here. I like it. Honey? Yeah, yeah. What do you get from staring at music?

the lyrics man oh i see oh i see i see wait you stare at music lyric yeah yeah yeah don't read them because i'm dyslexic it's so weird you are staring at me i just stare at work i love how he like he but he talks to me like i'm crazy because i know i stare at music i understand but um hyme is one of a kind the best i love i i'm all in i'm just trying to can you find him a girlfriend on your show you think so brother I'll try brother do you have any

maybe pick up lines or yeah oh good let's let's go through some scenarios so me and uh uh would you like to play a woman I was going to play the woman I'll play I'll be your best friend okay oh my god dude like what did you do today oh my god hey

oh I'm gonna let you talk for a little bit oh good move okay that's that's weird that's weird but I like I like that you're hard. No, don't, you're a breaking character. I'm okay. All right. That's weird.

Anyway, okay, thank you. We're going to talk for a little bit. He's still behind. So what did you do today? I can't think of really anything. Is he still. He's still staring at you. He's the back of your head.

Half a foot away. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, still five. Maybe. I'm just going to. Oh, hey. At first I want to say hi. And that, uh.

And that, uh. Hi. Hi. I'm not talking to the fat friend. I'm talking to me. Oh, first of all, she's on O-ZemPEC. She's been on OZEPIC for a while. And, like, like, the fattest guy I've ever seen is calling me fat?

I'm not fat. I'm just chunky. Wow, I'm confident. It's big boy season. Yeah, yeah. And stop hanging out with this fridge. And if you want to... Wait, wait, excuse me, sir, you're being extra rude.

I, like, I never... I haven't even met you before. I didn't have been a little... Brutal. She gave you my kidnap in a fridge? Wait, I'm going on here. Just keep playing. I'm going somewhere.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, all right, but I'm just saying that it's... Okay, ma'am. I had, ma'am. I had lupus. I'm 24 years old. I had lupus and she gave me a kidney. You have a mortgage.

Please don't talk about her. I gave her my kidney. Okay, you have a mortgage. You're a ma'am. Listen, you're very attractive. I rent, but anyway. Okay. Yeah, yeah.

And I just wanted to say, can you get out of the way? so I can talk to the fat friend. Oh, he was nagging. Yeah. No. Did you get out there? Absolutely not now. That was not the right approach.

You can't call somebody a fat and fridge and then can I talk to you? Fridge is crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. The better approach, try this. Try this. What did I say like, hey, fat fridge? You can't combine.

You want to combine the word. I want to. Yeah, yeah, you don't keep going. Follow the lead. Put the cock in your mouth. No. I don't see. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't say. This is what you do, Jaime, right? Put the, you, no. My thumb in your butt hole. Okay. Put my cock in your fucking mouth. Dude, what's happening here? What is going on, you?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've never seen them like this before. I'm going to sidebar with my friend. No, no, no, no, no. No, I'm just kidding. What's up? Do you guys want to go back or what?

Go back where? Both of us now? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, where are we going to go? That's not my real pick-up line. All right, so let's be real. Okay, let's be real. All right, so are you trying to, before we get the scenario right, who are you trying to hit on here?

I can't decide. All right, so let's go. I'll decide on her. All right, we're going to be talking, and be real. Okay. Like, this is a real place. Yeah. Okay, go ahead.

Yeah. So Demetrius, oh my God, what he did to Kaylee? Oh, Katie, am I right? Anyways, my name is Hyma Garcia. What's up? What's your name? What? Too a prop, dude.

Let us talk for a while. Okay. Okay. You're learning. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I got to come up with a different.

Yeah. No, no. We can stay on Demetrius. No, I don't want to, right? Okay. That meteorite that hit Townsville? Townsville? Yeah, do you believe it?

Should I hit on this? I mean, once in the last year we were in Townsville? I mean, it was summer 2016 because my ex-point-y-nip-ne-nip-what-should I say? What should I say? He had a show there, and I can't hear these, this couple talking, next to me. This is crazy. Sorry, excuse me, we're talking about a meteorite that just hit Townsville.

I'm sorry, I'm having a conversation with my friend. We're just talking about something right now. Okay. This girl has a big tints of my right. Don't you just want to go dinosaur on them? Hi, we're all showing. Oh, hey, what's up? We heard you.

Yeah, we heard you. No, you did it? My name is James. How are you doing? What's your name? Listen. Hey, Kimberly, don't, don't tell him.

Kimberly, what's up, Kimberly? Hey. Hey, you guys come here often? I'm Natasha. Natasha, nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. This is my friend right here. You can talk to her.

Hey, can I buy you a drink? I don't want to talk. I'm okay. I can afford my own drink. Yeah, we have drinks on the table. Ooh, 2025. Women can do the own things now. Hey.

Hey, I mean, you're not. What? What are you saying? Every time you talk, I feel like you're on the brink of spitting up. Yeah. Don't break, Eric, don't break. Stay in the same. Yeah, don't tell me that.

I'm about to buy you drinks. We already have drinks, sir. Well, I'll buy this next round, sir. Well, Tasha. If we just... Sir, Natasha. Yeah, sir. Okay, anyway.

Listen, can I get your digits or not? I think I'm going to pass this time, but I think you're lost. Yeah, yeah. Thank you for being bold enough to ask. I don't really do that. I know. That's the way we wanted you to do it the way you would do it, but then you became aggressive. Hi, mate.

You've actually done pickup lines that have worked for you. At a girls, no The coffee one Or like Do you have a name? Oh my God Do you have you Don't know man

Have you ever had a girlfriend? I don't know She cheated I don't know She cheated How do you normally talk to girls? I don't know I don't talk

I talk but I'm like Just you like oranges That's my Let's start there That's a good starting point Anyway I do

I do I'd love to buy some from your cart Oh, no, let's get to start again, right? Okay. Yeah. Timbaya Alamoto. It's a new word that I... Kim.

Hey, excuse me. Young lady, do you like oranges? On an occasion. I like citruses, yeah. It's one of my faves. Well, I got a store downtown L.A. You have an orange store? I have oranges, grapefruit.

Oh. oh any citrus that's beautiful when did you start your business oh when my grandpa died you have limes no he didn't grow limes I have lemons you know okay lemons

you like lemons he's hitting on me I think so I feel it sorry I just wanted to see if you wanted to come see the store I don't know man I mean lady

I don't know I honestly stay at the store I stay at the orange store And I do some stuff here and there You do manual labor Yeah, go pick the oranges from the field Oh, you kind of do it all

You're a jack of all trades Yeah, but I'm also the CEO Of the citrus store That you also are in the fields picking Yeah Very cool You can get my number down if you want to Well, how long have you been an executive?

Yeah All my life since my grandpa died All your life since your grandpa When did your grandpa die? Since I was alive. Okay. Kimberly, Dana, it's Dana Kimberly, right? He said that his grandfather, he's,

his grandfather died when he's been alive. I think that's what he said. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Sorry. The guy when you were alive. Sorry, I'm not very smart. Can you break down?

Yeah, break down what that means. Yeah, yeah. We don't really know that means. So when I was born in 2006, right? That's not my year, but. Sure, let's use fake ears. Why would you lie? Okay.

Why would you lie? What are we doing? I don't know how to talk to ladies, okay? Did your grandpa-bye? Bye. Bye. Bitch. Yeah, that's her problem.

No, I don't know, ma'am. Yeah, you're going to die alone. I'm sorry. You're not. No, I don't know. But you're really sweet, though. Yeah, that's why I lose. Lean into the sweetness.

Yeah, I don't know. I'm so sweet, but you come up, oh, look at the tits on this one. Oh, that's a joke. Yeah, yeah. I don't know. I honestly don't know. Do you have a type? Yeah.

Yeah. Filipinos. So, were you attracted to Jules? No. Why is that? More like siblings. Yeah. What did you guys meet?

A year? Last year. A real tiger, buddy. Yeah. You met here, right? Oh, you've been on this for a while. Yeah. Cool.

Yeah. He wasn't here when I was here last time. No, I was in. Things got shaken up. No, sometimes he's here. Sometimes he's not. But he's. It's mostly here.

Does it hurt you that your co-host had a baby with someone else? What? What? It would hurt me. I'm just. Yeah. Yeah. No, honestly, no.

When she first told me, it was a little rattling. I cried. But when I met the baby, especially, I got it. Yeah. I got it. And I love the kid. Yeah. Do you get along well with the...

Yeah. He's the sweetest man I've ever met. He really is... I can't think of anything negative to say about him. He's been over to the house to help me fix stuff. Wow. That's got to be, like, debilitating. Yeah, because I'm not a hands-on...

That's what I'm saying. It's like, oh. No, he's like a man's man. and it's something that I'm not and I've always known that about myself I've been kind of I'm aloof and kind of you know weird

do you want children I don't think it's going to happen for me to be honest with you no okay so when you brought that up right it became the show got weird and now we're going into weird

you know what I mean you know I mean he's writing it down yeah yeah he got a new page for this now I know that's a part of your thing, but why do you do that? No, no, that wasn't... No, no, let's get...

Let's dive into you, Zach, and why you do that. Well, that was a... You say confrontational thing. That's not confrontational. That was a genuine question that I actually had. That's a deep question. I love to dive deep into it. I might get derailed by a little ET talk in the middle, but...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. How are you feeling? I feel, for the first time in my life, I feel, I mean, I have a lot going on, you know, but they're good things. and I have a little anxiety because of all the things I need to do but do you celebrate your wins

I've been really celebrating I'm pitching myself every day as of late I can't believe it how do you okay something good what is a win for you is it normally career wise or is it it's a lot of things like recently I helped somebody get sober

and he's doing very good and that feels good an official sponsor or no but it's somebody that I got a call from somebody saying this guy really needs help didn't know he was i knew i know what he did for a living but um i brought him around to some meetings and stuff like that and we've been close we've been grown close that's nice i've been speaking at meetings again so that's good what the initial getting off or the initial getting sober i guess what are those tips and tricks that you give not tips and tricks but like how

do you guide someone through that like the withdraws of the initial well i mean Everyone has a different view on how to get sober, right? I can only share my experience. And my experience is through 12-step groups and hitting meetings hard, getting a sponsor, doing service work, and that sort of, that way. Do you feel like when you have a community, you have a less chance of letting them down?

Or is that a big part of it? Well, if you know the history of Alcoholics Anonymous, Um, there was Bill W., Bill Wilson, the founder of a, right? Yeah. Yeah. Um, one day he was at some sort of convention or something and he had been sober for oil, but he couldn't, he knew he was going to drink, right? And he didn't know what to do.

So we called, um, a nun on the phone. When was this? This is in 1935. Called a nun on the phone and goes, um, I'm an alcoholic. I'm about to drink. Do you know any other? alcoholics and she goes I know a doctor who is chronically drinking and so he called the doctor out of the blue and said can I just see you doctor's like no he's like please I just stop by five minutes

he's all right so he comes to the guy's house what ends up happening is they start spending time together and then when they realize and they would share their experience strength of hope each other like you know their experiences with each other there was a lot of relating going on but they what they found was after a couple of days they were still sober and didn't think about drinking so what they did was together they would go to institutions and and like because back in the day alcoholics ended up in like insane asylums right some of them on the verge of wet brain right and they would sit down and share their story with other alcoholics and every once in well one of the guys would go I'm going to join you guys and then it turns out after about a year they had hundreds

of people. They had some long-term sobriety if they just met up. And so that's how AA started. This might be a naive question, but is it only alcohol? No. There's now there's sex love anonymous. But like say it was like prescription drugs, whatever it is, would that all be in the same group as an alcohol? Yeah. I mean, if, you know, if I was a strictly an opiate, you know what I mean? Yeah. And I wanted to get sober. I would probably still go to A meetings. Because it's all the same thing. Also, all these behaviors is not the problem, right? It's the solution to what the actual problem is. Well, what was it, World War II? A lot of the guys were hooked on meth and other drugs, or maybe even heroin, but when they got

home to a community, like statistically, like 90% of them all quit, or it might even be higher, but it was like a sense of community that. Community is important, and that's why I think A.A. is. It's community. You need somebody to check you, too. How often is it? What do you mean? Like, is it once a week? Is it once a month? Sometimes I go one or two a week, yeah. I mean, when I first got sober every day for like six months. But then eventually kind of life happens and then you do life. But from the outside

you would think every time. I don't know why this has become fucking. I found it so interesting. He's being very genuine. Yeah. No, I like it. I like being real. I find it really interesting. Yeah. Every time the, well, I guess from an outsider's perspective, who hasn't been, it almost, like, you go in and it's a lot of, like, really emotional stories. Is there, is it always like that? Is there sometimes where it's like everybody's hanging out and it's like. I'll give you an example. When I was a kid, I was 17 years old, I used to go to this place called Mount Soled at Men's. It was a men's meeting Saturday morning. It's still there. And still a meeting. So I gave Dan a cake there like seven months ago in San Diego. And, I, But when I went as a kid in the 80s, I was in high school, and I got sober then. And I, um, there was this guy one day, he was, had no shoes on. He was like a hobo. You know what I mean? He was going, he was going, he was going, you know what I mean?

Like, he was fucked up, right? And he kept going every week. And then, um, I stopped going for that meeting for a couple years. But then, like, in my early 20s, before I did stand up, I started going back. and I was sitting next to this guy and he was wearing a suit and he goes, hey dude I go, hey, I don't I've met you for her?

Remember me? I was going to and I go, whoa like, equitably I go what's going on? He's like, oh yeah, I'm married. Right? It has a life and that's when it really hit me

like, oh, this shit works. There's a transformational change that happens you know what I mean internally and externally that's you know this is incredible to witness and it's spiritual

when you see that kind of change and you know that they believe in God and they think that God did it and it you see it like when Christians go hey you know what I'm like you don't know hardship but when I see God mend

hardship and you know what I mean and cleans a man's life so drastically, that's when I believe. Because I see it. You know, I have to see it. You mean, some kid that's, you know, oh, yeah, my dad's a lawyer, but, you know, I'm a Christian, I believe the Lord.

It's like, yeah, I don't believe you, man. I believe that guy. I think that goes for people in general. I always like people that have been through some stuff a little bit more than I, people that haven't, you know. What's, is there a, so I guess if you're speaking to someone else are trying to help, is there a certain point? how are is I'm the host

Howard did you become the host I find this so fast I know but it's so clever when I see podcasts are coming on here I know what they're doing Zach's a good interviewer I know he is but it's like my show this is my last question no I know I like it I think it's clever

what is there is there a certain like common time milestone where it's a little bit easier to be sober like is it usually like You have to get over this hump of maybe six months. I think the first 90 days is,

that's why they always say go 90 meetings, 90 days. That's the toughest part. But I think once you get some time behind your belt, you also the fog lifts. So you see things the way they are. And when you're a long-term alcoholic, imagine some people 20 years, they've never seen reality the way it is.

and when they first see it, it's life-altering. When you speak about that fog, what is that? I've never really dealt, obviously, with alcohol or things of that nature, but is it constant, like, I don't know. No, I mean, the fog is, you know, when you're drinking every day for the rest of all your life, all the chemicals and all the things in your brain and your body, you know, I mean, releasing everything and it's detoxing,

and your mind is becoming clearer, is what I'm saying. You know what I mean? That's what the fog is. And then one day they're like, they'll see a butterfly land on a flower. And they'll go, I'm being real. And they'll go, I've never seen that before. It's almost like the videos of,

have you seen where people are colorblind and they get the color glasses? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's that. Interesting. It's exact that. Are you done with the serious? That was cool.

I like that. Do you have a friend? Is that why you're asking or something? No. No, I'm just interested. He doesn't want to talk about himself, so he reversed. It's fine. I'll talk about me.

Sober. All right. So let's talk about the reality show you're on. Okay. What's it called? It's called Inside USA. Inside USA. KSI did it.

Yeah, so it was their production company, put it on. But KSA on the show? He hosted a couple things. Yeah, yeah. I love him. He's great, yeah. I did a movie once. And so what is the show promise?

I don't know much about it. So 12 internet and regular celebrities. I don't know, Dwight Howard was on it, so that's why I say regular celebrities. We're all in a house together that's kind of similar to a jail where we're stripped away of all the necessities. Like there's no couch cushions. There's nothing to do. Like there's no games. Food, we were served like rice, like this much rice and like eight beans for lunch and dinner.

and in the morning, it was oatmeal, no sugar, no salt, but just like slop. But if you wanted... How many days? Seven. Oh, my God. Imagine. But I lost 15 pounds in there. Oh, wow.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But if you wanted a meal upgrade, so a burger or something, it would cost, say, $5,000. So there's one winner, and there's a million dollars in the prize pool. But any time I wanted a meal upgrade or I wanted to go buy a game at Cornhole to have fun, it would come out of everyone's prize fund Oh wow So then you get mad Did you invest in that prize fund

Was it the show money It was show money So a million dollars Wow Yeah and then you get mad Be like Because we had somebody spend $200,000 in a day

Who? Her name was Bree And she did it because We could buy immunity What's her last name? Duncan or Bree Anyway I don't know

But So you could buy immunity one day and whoever spent the most on immunity and the next challenge That's her? Yeah. Wow. She seems like she was on $200,000.

But here was the, like, play the game however you want to play the game, but it was only for one immunity. So I was interested in, it's like, I feel like she put a target on her back for the next challenge. Then she got out, you know, immediately after that. Oh, so you get delimited.

Yeah, so we would do eliminations. And people would vote them out. It was either voting or there was like a random whatever. Have you ever had sketch on the podcast? Yeah. Bad friends. Sketch is hilarious, but he was in there with me. He sketches the best.

He was my favorite on the show by far. Yeah. And so how far did you like? Can you say? Is the show out? The show has it been out for a while? Give Zach Justice the Rona. Oh, no, no, no.

Oh, yeah, watch it. Oh, no, no, no. Oh, no. So he has a podcast called The Lunch Table And Jules is A regular on the show She's big time She's big time

Wow incredible Yeah How's it been there Jules What do you think of Zach After all this time now spending with him He's really nice Yeah And I feel just really

Are you a little emotional right now Oh okay She didn't have her head phones on She couldn't hear it No I was listening But it's really nice Like I feel I don't know

He's more I don't know I just feel really comfortable with him And like the other co-host Skyler and Ava It's just fun to be there It's a fun family environment Yeah

So this is not the show that I did No this is So we just started this one Okay Yeah Anyway Funny I've never been asked to be on it Brother you won't text me back

and then Haimee will be on this show Yeah, Jaime, you got to get on this one, dude Oh, there's KSI, you scroll down a little bit We should do And then Bobby, we gotta get you on one Jaime, you gotta get on this show How about Jaime and Bobby and girls have to choose Between Jaime? I'm all in

Oh, the pop the bubble thing? Pop the balloon I'm not doing that You gotta do it I can't kill it, I just can't do it. No, no, but versus I may. It'd be so funny. I cannot do it. I cannot do it. You do different versions, right? Yeah, there's like one

where I have like a dating coach. You can come in as my dating coach. That one's fun. Anyway, give us a round of applause everybody. Thanks to us. I am cableololid Oolong quay am, dung, bongublea

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