TigerBelly - Zach Justice's Date with Jules
Episode Date: December 10, 2025Chaos arrives early as comedian Zach Justice returns. LAST CHANCE FOR NEW MERCH Join the loyalty program for renters at www.joinbilt.com/belly It’s the most exciting time of yea...r! Holidays on the House is back on DraftKings Casino. Celebrate the season with a FREE chance at FIVE THOUSAND in Credits with Daily Rewards Rocket! Log in, launch your rocket three times daily, and land rewards like Credits, Crowns, Spins, and more! Use your rewards to play thousands of casino games—everything from fan favorite slots to classic table games. Join the daily festivities on DraftKings Casino! In Partnership with DraftKings Casino. The Crown is Yours. For simple, online access to personalized and affordable care for Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit www.hims.com/belly
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Tiger Belly merch!
Tiger Belly!
Merch!
Tiger Belly! Merge, man!
Yeah, guys, we have Tiger Belly.
These are my favorite shirts that they're clean.
Look at the back, Tiger Belly, 10 years of chaos.
Nesotso's since day one.
And Shadow Play down here.
There's a lot of little Easter eggs too.
Like this one can say, can I defend myself?
Something you say often, and this one says shadow play?
Shadow play, dude.
Check it out.
And then we have the cool hats, dude.
I love those hats.
Ten years of Tiger Belly right there.
Nassauauceau's papaya.
Comes with four pens.
It's dope, dude. It's energetic. It's lively, and it's in the moment.
Guys, you can find that at Slepkingdom.com. If you were an OG Tiger Belly fan or a new fan, this is our official 10 years. 10 years of doing this podcast merch. Go grab it now.
Get it now, man.
Hey, everybody. Bobby Lee here. And I'm very excited because I'm shooting my first special for Hulu.
And it's going to be at San Diego, California, January 16th, 2006, January 17th. January 17th.
2016
and it's at the
San Diego Balboa
Theater and the tickets
are on sale now
and come check it out
I'd love to see you
there and I'm super excited
and we're all going to be there
support Papa
Papa
Tito Bobby
Youhoo
You've never done that before
You never
No
Don't look at me
You could look
Bolae
Yeah
Yeah
Yeah yeah
Yeah
It's Jamie
Okay
It's Jaime
Just say you're
You're shaped like
No
I'm just
I'm just
I'm like
You're like
You're like
It's Hyman
It's Hyman
It's Hyman
It's Hyman
It's Hyman
But
Okay
I was like
Hyman is a wild
I think
I call someone
Thank you
Thank you
Thank you
Thank you
So
Justice
Kind of gay
I'm not.
No, not, not, not.
Christian?
Christian.
Okay, ready?
One, two, let's go Christian.
Stand.
Justice believes in Jesus.
Christ.
Wow.
Okay.
What direction we're going to go with the song?
Because I'm a little confused here.
70s funk, Black Panther.
No, we're doing this tune.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You can't do 70s funk?
Yeah, I can't do something as funk.
Anyway, um, okay.
This is started?
Yeah.
This is started.
This is started?
No, we gotta give it.
I thought we were in,
you gotta give a,
you know,
like an action or something.
This is Hollywood, baby.
I didn't get to say,
hi,
how are you guys?
Okay,
no.
Well, I mean,
we're not on the just,
Jacks,
that's just a justice show.
Hey, brother.
Let's do ketamine
after our host,
come on.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What are your guys's names?
I don't want to be weird.
Karina.
Karina.
Carina.
Yeah.
Very cool.
And we just met.
What was your name again?
Nila.
Karina is Jaime's roommate.
Yeah, yeah.
Why is he writing?
Oh, he takes notes.
He does haikus.
What are you talking about?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
When do you find...
Mexico, dude.
What are you talking about?
Yeah.
They love haikus over there.
Do you like Mexicans?
Wait, wait for the answer?
This is my first...
But do you like them?
Be honest, man.
Be honest.
When they're over there, it's fine.
They're good people when they're over there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Over there, where's over there?
Mexico.
Oh, I thought you...
Oh, no, no, no.
I, uh, I'm...
I'm all in on you guys.
There's a couple others that I'm a little out on.
Yeah, yeah.
Filipino.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Based on Jules.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think you're into them.
Yeah.
We'll get into it.
Jules and I went on a date the other day.
No.
Does that bother you?
It bothers me so badly.
What do you mean?
She's a little person.
She's young.
They're in the same decade.
How old are you, Zach?
I just turned 30.
So watch your mouth.
And she's, what, 24?
Yeah.
That works out in my life.
No.
Stay with 20.
Okay, what have you been staying with? Let's talk to 35. 35! Yeah, 35! Let's get into it. Yeah. You're the
Leonardo and a cavern. Sing it. No, sing it, dude. What? Intro. Welcome to the show.
A Mexican guy. Yeah, yeah. Whoa, dude. Asian on the keys. Yeah, there we go. Jules on her knees.
Oh!
That's his daughter.
Oh, that's my daughter, dude.
No, it's not.
It's your ex is something.
Yeah, yeah, but I raised her.
I'll rip your eyes out, Whitey.
Okay.
Well, I...
You want your eyes gouged out, Whitey?
Yeah, say one more thing.
I'm sorry for...
Say one more thing, dude.
I'm gonna...
Oh, you think you're superior?
It's 2025.
I'm gonna get the thin as spider web I can and blind you, dude.
Oh, wow.
You want to go racial there?
Let me just say.
You keep asking what people's fucking names are.
He's confusing.
Your ears are slanty.
Your ears are slanty.
You have reverse Asian.
All right.
Don't put that on me.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm not anything.
I'm whatever you guys are.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Did you sneak in here?
Were you like...
In the house?
Yeah.
You were like, no, he's one of us.
Yeah, yeah.
Dude, he's an American citizen.
What do you're talking about?
Yeah, you're...
He'll rip you apart.
Don't be careful, dude.
Not Mexican.
Yeah.
This is the fucking...
Salvadorian juggernaut is what we call him.
You'll run right through you.
Don't say not Mexican, they're like Salvadorian.
Okay.
If you're a stone throw away, that's like me being like,
oh no, I'm not Irish, I'm Scottish.
Dude, if you were an X-Men, dude, you'd be a terrible power.
Yeah.
You know what your tower would be, power would be?
What?
You get really angry, right?
And only your anus turns to animantian steel.
What did I tell you about enunciating?
I told you we're going to start.
We're going to start doing it and doing it often.
Give me the line over again.
Okay.
You're an X-Men and you hit a power.
When you get angry, your asshole will turn into Adamantean steel.
Thank you.
What's my power?
When your Mexican friends doesn't even write it down, that's who you know it's not good.
What would you be your power if you're an X-Men?
Me?
Yeah, yeah.
I'll get really mad.
Yeah.
It's always mad, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
We're always mad at something.
Yeah.
And my fist will be steel.
No.
Oh.
I already know what it is.
What is it then? Forchata squirts out your nipples.
Oh, okay.
Not really a power, but it's refreshing when you're around other X-Men.
What's like a low-tier, like convenient power that you would want?
Because I was watching a movie in there like, oh, a sick one would be after the beach, you could say sand off.
And then all the sand would be off of you.
What's a low kind of hanging fruit?
Oh, here we go.
That's good.
Thank you.
It bothers you every day through life.
I get the exercise.
I'm trying to buy you some time.
Huh?
I know.
Because that's quick, man.
That's really...
But the sand thing wasn't yours.
You come up with a new one.
Don't, yeah, but don't throw to my...
I brought up a topic and he's like,
well, you didn't come up with that.
Yeah, sorry, I'm coming up with material.
First of all, let's start with minorities
because we never do.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So what would be your inconvenient?
Like a low tier?
That's why I had his way.
What did you say?
Do you...
Okay, how much...
I got one.
You guys get off on taxes back on here?
No, I got one.
Okay, well.
Right.
dried rice turns into
ready to eat rice
instantaneously. It's just
it's like...
That's not a good one. It's just cooking rice.
No, but you don't cook it, you just look at it and then now
it's cooked. Oh, I see. That's what I mean.
That is nice. Yeah, it's nice.
Honestly, that's nice. Not... Because you have to put a cup
of water, cup of rice,
then you're going to add a little bit more wine. It's the whole
process. Well, for us, it's coffee, but
for you guys... Yeah, yeah. So you get instant
coffee. Yeah, yeah. Um...
We drink coffee, too. We drink coffee too.
Chill out, dude.
We drink coffee, too!
I'm...
Asking him.
I'm being everyone in the group.
All right.
What would yours be, sir?
Hortadebilt.
No.
No, no, no.
And again, so off camera, I thought everyone was calling him Hymann, but your real name is what?
Jaime.
Okay.
So I thought you guys made like a joke.
Like, he's never going to break once.
We'll call him Hyman.
And I thought that was rude.
And I was going to combat them for you.
But since that wasn't the case, now I was not talking about it, you know?
That wasn't even the case.
I like how you, you like, you dis me and look to your boys like this.
idiot dude
or like I guess
they're on my side
yeah
I don't doubt it
but anyway
what would be your
if you had an individual
but simple like that
yeah so go ahead
what
what I just did
like every day
you know what
like a deck of cards
what can you just pick them up
like Gambit
like he throws the cards
but no that's a power power
yeah but that'll be
the reverse guy
I'd be like okay
pick up the cards
how but how often
often is that an inconvenience in your life?
Yeah, yeah.
Because the moment you have that power and you do it once you, like, I wish it would have picked
any other power.
Yeah.
Instant rice, phenomenal.
Okay?
And I don't like giving him his flowers.
Yeah, yeah.
Because he'll put it, like, in his tea and then like, you know what I mean?
But for you.
You can't say instantly refripe beans either.
I wasn't going.
Okay, but just don't do that.
Okay.
Because I already did a food thing.
Make some good guacamole.
No, no, not a food thing.
No, no, not a food thing.
Yeah, yeah.
Come up with something that's an inconvenience.
You look genuinely stumped.
Yeah, yeah.
Like, I'm trying to think.
That's why.
Maybe clothes always clean.
God.
Anytime you put them on there, instantly clean.
Oh, read a good book.
Okay.
These are things you can just already do.
Oh, oh, my dad.
Oh, no, I get it.
You look at a book and you almost instantly know what the whole book's about.
Like, you read it.
No, he didn't.
That was not what you're thinking.
I know, but I'm trying to help.
Yeah, yeah, I'm going to help him.
Okay.
That's not bad.
That's not bad.
So you want to be a, I don't.
that you'll be able to comprehend it once you even do that.
Okay, understand a good book.
Understand a good book and understand it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Wow.
So if you wrote, if you instantly read Mind Conf, you'd be like, I understand Hitler.
No, more like if I wrote the art of war and I understood it.
You know what, like when you're little and you say, like, what do you want to be when you get older?
You're like, I'm just going to keep doing what I'm always been doing, getting bullied.
But now you get paid for it.
Is that how it works?
Oh, yes.
Were you bullied?
No, he gets bullied here.
No, but are you assuming, Zach, that he was bullied in his life?
I have a context clue, cowboy.
I picked up on it.
Okay, go ahead.
Were you bullied?
In school, yeah.
Okay.
Well, then you're right, Zach.
Not by, like, a Korean, but like other Mexicans and black people.
Wow.
Sounds like we were pretty nice.
to you.
The white people, yeah.
Oh.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What are your favorite thing
about the Watts?
The whites?
Yeah.
I like how you can rock
camo and everything.
You guys can rock ammo.
Yeah, it looks good.
Yeah, it looks pretty good.
Yeah, anything else?
Nice mashed potatoes.
Really good.
Honestly, dude.
Yeah.
All the variations
of mashed potato you've done
over the years?
Bacon.
Have been incredible.
Once we invented Idaho,
it was over for all.
Let's name them.
All the potatoes.
Pater tots.
That's white.
Brother.
Brother,
brother, beautiful.
But no, I'm saying this is how far this.
Because last time on the podcast,
you baked it.
We had things to talk about.
He just said, let's name all the different types of potatoes.
Like, I'm just, okay.
I'm doing temperature.
No, what whites have you done with the potato?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
It's remarkable.
Thank you.
Yeah, we've done baked.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I'm willing to rank.
Would you go, what would you go on top?
French fries.
French fries, you do.
But I think the French did that, no?
No, no.
No, there's a comment. The Belgians did that if we looked that up.
I think. All right. Well, so you can't claim.
Well, but they are white. They're whites.
This is white. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So you get that.
Thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For ice. Yeah. Would we go mashed potatoes second?
No.
Loaded mashed potatoes.
No, my number one would be, for me, can I have my list?
I mean, it's going to involve a lot of side stuff, but yeah.
You know what, dude? Your tone right now, I don't like it.
You're saying it's going to be, it's still going to be, there's still going to be
sobi and like fish eggs.
Is that what you're saying?
He meant ponchan.
Oh, Ponchan.
Yeah, he meant Ponchan.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Korean sides.
No.
I feel like I was being disrespectful, so I...
Oh.
I can do it back, bud.
I can do this one, too.
Oh, my brother.
I've seen that one.
I've seen that one.
So...
But anyway, I like...
Baked is my number one.
Okay, that's with...
Very cool.
Yeah, with bacon, sour cream,
cheddar cheese.
d'ives.
Exactly.
Yeah.
Mui Bueno,
as your people would say.
We don't say that?
You don't say Mui Buelo?
No, not to...
Anything like that.
What's the context of what Mui Beno
you would use Mui Beno?
She's like, what the fuck are you talking?
What are you talking about?
K'Bien.
What?
KBien.
KBien.
So you've never said Mui Beno.
No.
What does Mui Bono mean?
That's a white people thing.
But he's a...
Does it make sense?
Very good, right?
Is that what it means?
Yeah. I've never heard anybody say that.
Oh, my God. That's insane, dude.
Only American.
Well, that's grammatically incorrect.
Okay, well, there we...
Okay, tell me.
Educate me.
Well, it's...
Why is the white guy educating?
We have a Hispanic here.
If you're going to answer a question, you say,
Muibien, not Muibueno.
So, Muio...
Bueno is like an American white thing.
And that's my bad, and I'm getting correct, and I apologize.
So what is the right to a term?
Moibu bien.
Moving in.
Moving in.
Can I...
I am so interested in you.
That's why he's here.
What is the...
I know you're not.
You found him,
but what's the genesis of you becoming...
Or you becoming here,
becoming friends with everybody?
Well, you know,
have you heard of the Alamariachi?
I actually haven't.
You haven't?
No, I apologize.
Okay.
And I'm sure that's a reference where...
Well, tell them what...
Oh, my Amariachi.
Is that like MS-13?
No, man.
Yeah, well, that's part of the story.
And Elma Raiachi, a member from the MS-13, and a chupacabra, got together at a bar.
I thought like Nacho Libre in Iraq had sex.
Yeah, well, there was a wrestler involved.
Okay.
Hispanic wrestler.
Thank you.
All right.
All four of them had sex.
Wow.
Right?
And one of them farted.
Let me just say, no, you don't give me a bit anymore.
How did you get this group?
I was like, he's about to go in a long bit.
I was going to a long bed, dude.
Yeah, I know.
He was about to.
go down
or Ray Mysterio
A little fart came out, right?
And a little bean came out
with the fart. You know, as one does
sometimes when you do a
fart. Oh, the residue
comes out. Right?
So a little bean came out. There's a little common in it too.
But that's fine. And that's to do with your birth.
Right? And one of
the, the wrestler was,
eh, I'm going to dick this home.
Right? Because it came out of the El Mariachi's
butthole. Right?
And he planted... You guys need to stand up.
He planted a...
You guys need to stand up when things like this happen.
We let it ride.
Why do you let it ride?
Because you're trying to clock out.
Clock and clock out.
No, you need to perform at your job.
When he's doing the fart bean.
For 10 years, he watered this bin.
For 10 years, he watered this bin.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Very cool, dude.
How did he find you?
I'm a stand-up comedian.
Okay.
He just sold out the ice house.
Okay, that was a long time ago.
well not a long time ago but yeah
I was just a denim comedian
saw me no
that's not how I met you
well what story do you want to tell him
the bean or do do do
I was I was how you were born
I guess we're past that
okay well so let's finish with the beans
if we may yeah yeah yeah
Zach loves this yeah yeah so
what is it Arikari give me one
yeah so the what the fuck are you doing
right now dude
what am I doing fart bean
don't tell me what I'm
doing. Some people are born
different, dude. I want to
know. The
water them for 10 years, right?
And something sprouted. And
how do me take over the story? And then
I was
from an AI, and then
I did comment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, what
the wrestler did was, you know what I mean?
He took the
sprout of the bean, right? He
AIed it. This is back in the day
when AI wasn't even a thing. This feels
like DMT. Like if someone had to
Just be like, no, that's what it's now.
The real, I don't know who his origin.
I was lying.
And I mean this.
I've punched for so much less.
I know.
I want you to punch me right now.
See what happens.
Yeah, yeah.
You'd have to get thick bowing the back to come jump in.
Look at this cuck.
What's up, cuckie?
Punch me in the face.
That's like an ants looking up at Goliath.
With your beaver teeth.
I don't, I don't, I don't, yeah, yeah, you're a beaver.
actually I went to the dentist recently and he told me my teeth are too small for my face so suck it
and he said it looked and he said I need veneers but I think he was just trying to upsell me hopefully
yeah he walked in the door and he just looked at me and he goes yeah yeah too small for your
face and I'm like what he's like your teeth they're just too small they are too small for your face
let me see your chompers they are nice did you have uh did you have braces?
that did that's beautiful like a true American when did you come to the U.S.
I was born here.
Like you.
1971,
Sharps Hospital.
Oh my God.
San Diego.
What was,
I came from a little.
Did they put out the old test,
or the new testament by then,
or was it just,
you got to have the old testament?
What happened was at the hospital
they planted a little rice kernel.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Where's Jules?
That's me.
She's on her way.
Look at the screen.
I don't,
is that you the dad that you don't like,
but you talk about it a lot and cry?
I love my dad.
What are you talking about?
What are you doing right now?
I'm calling Jules.
She's not coming.
Yes, she is.
No, yeah.
Why do you need her help?
Because she needs to see this.
Okay.
Zach got nervous.
About what?
Your Asian father?
No.
My alpha male energy.
I like how you looked around the room.
Where are you?
Yeah.
She hung up on.
Yeah, yeah.
My alpha male energy.
That means she's close.
She's close.
Yeah.
Are you with anyone?
No, man.
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What would you redeem your points for, Bobby?
I'd probably go to Mazatlond.
Why is that?
It's somewhere in Mexico.
I'm asking.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, because I like ancient ruins.
I love ancient ruins.
Oh, okay, yeah, yeah.
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That means she's close. She's close. Yeah, yeah. Are you with anyone?
No, man. No man? A woman? Oh. No, like, no, man. I'm single.
Oh, thank God, Jules, sit down.
We're doing rice and bean bits.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But we want to talk about the date we went on another day, me and you.
Bobby's not happy.
He's not happy.
Well, I picked him.
You picked him?
Yeah.
Yeah, okay.
Am I like a father figure to you?
I think so.
Yeah, I know so.
Tito Bobby.
Yeah, yeah.
That's what she always said.
Get the fuck up for a sec.
All right?
All right? I know.
So I'm your Cheetah Bobby, right?
right? I
forbid you
for dating this man again.
Because he's white? Not just that.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah.
There's some racism.
Yeah, yeah. Have I ever been racist to you?
You always call me.
What?
The nickname Jungle Monkey.
So this is her big bit.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You call her Jungle Monkey friend?
I do not call her Jungle Monkey.
But this is her big bit.
Anytime I introduce her to someone,
new. First thing out of her mouth, he calls me jungle monkey. And I will say this, my trainer is black and he
walked into the podcast studio because we do a podcast together. Yeah. And he, the first thing, like,
and the term monkey around a certain demographic can really get dicey. Um, she goes, he calls me jungle
monkey. And he thought we were serious. And I had that whole explanation to do. Anyway, anyway,
does he really call you that? Yeah. Okay. Well, that's one reason.
Yeah, that's one reason.
And are you attracted to Zach?
Um.
Are you attracted to Zach?
You already know I don't like white dicks.
I know, I know.
Okay, well, I haven't shown you that.
But Zach is funny and cute.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Thank you.
Okay.
You guys look cute together now.
Oh, my God.
Thank you so much.
No, I mean, no, as a podcast partners, it's great.
We just, it just feels right.
Yeah.
So we did blind dating.
It was me versus a model.
He was so hot.
He was so hot, and she chose me.
Really?
Why didn't you choose the model?
Because he wasn't speaking.
Oh, you need them to do.
He spoke later.
He spoke later.
Yeah, but I don't like Australian accents.
Oh, okay.
But was he hot?
So hot.
And was there a hot girl for you to date or no?
There were other.
No, no, she's a girl.
What?
She's Dora.
What?
She's Dora the Explorer, Dan.
She said, she said,
She told me to put on my boots.
That's why I got my boots.
No, no, no, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
I got my boots.
Yeah, yeah.
Hi, hi, man.
Yeah.
Hey, Joe.
If you want to observe butterflies and wear a backpack, then you hang out with her.
Like Dora does.
The Explorer.
We've eaten, we've done so many things together.
We had Jolly Bee together.
Oh, that's what I want to.
He hates the spaghetti.
It's the worst.
It is terrible.
You said you loves Jollybee.
When did I say that?
Every time we go.
Every time we go.
go to the philippi why are you raising your voice dude why do you get so angry who was screaming
for us can we hi me okay thank you thank you thank you i do love that jules has no in-between
voice it's either hi bobby yeah or it's you know yeah it's like one or 10 yeah can you go five
no okay okay you're at one now yeah have you heard about her other dating excursions
of like why she doesn't enjoy the white penis i i don't have i don't have
ask her these kind of questions. You think I do? She just comes in hot and heavy. Yeah, but she doesn't
she doesn't talk to me. Okay. Yeah, I do. Oh, that's sad. Hi, Tita Bobby. That's it.
We saw a show last night together. Fun show. Pluribus, yeah. She has met up with two
separate white men in the first time she's met these guys is in a parking lot and she's hooked up
with them. Do you not know about this? Wow.
Teetababi.
Why are you outing me?
What are you talking about? Is this online?
This is the genesis of her not liking the white species because she says the wiener is translucent.
I mean, I think everyone knows it to Bobby.
Yeah, yeah.
I think a lot knows about it.
Okay, so you hooked up with two white guys?
Yeah.
At the same time.
No.
Oh, thank God.
I thank the Lord Jesus Christ himself.
All right, so.
In the parking lot?
Yeah.
What parking lot?
No, no, no, no, don't tell him the high bar.
He's not telling him the parking lot.
He's riding it down.
He's riding down the edgefront.
He will be at that parking lot.
yeah so
jerking off
and it does stop that
no I'm not gonna jerk off
I'm gonna have my own female there
you just
oh
female is it a human
or you just like
AI bean
oh my god
AI bean
AI bean
so he's yes anding
from a long time ago
yeah from the last
yeah yeah
and the AI
improv there didn't really
make any sense
so yeah yeah
yeah I didn't like it
I don't like it
you're to sunset
and then
what's sunset
so
may I ask some questions
please
Okay. How recently was it?
No, this was during the pandemic.
Oh, yeah, I knew about those.
You spoke about like it was three weeks ago and you still had dry stuff on you.
Like, what are we talking about?
No, because I was traumatized.
It was so pale and chancousin.
And then the other guy I told you had like really like cheesy dick.
Oh, that was just because I've had.
I love the cheese though.
I've on pizza, but not on dick.
But but she said.
It was like mozzarella or whatever.
What was the term you use?
Was it a mound?
Like how, you said you had to like...
To, like, move it away to, like, clean it a little bit with my hands.
No, that shouldn't be...
That shouldn't happen.
Because that's never happened to me.
I genuinely don't know what you mean when you say cheese.
Like the thick, white thing.
That's why I saw.
Smegma.
A natural cheese-like substance composed of...
Smegles brother, smegma.
I have to do a Lord of the Rings.
Oh, okay.
Well, my guy made it out the hood like M&M, so I don't have, like, I don't have four skin.
Yeah, I don't have four skin.
So they had four skin.
Yeah.
Okay.
Oh, that makes more sense.
What I do is if I, if there's like a 30% chance that I'm going to hook up with somebody, I'll get on my knees.
No.
No, stop.
Don't say you suck yourself off.
Dude, that's a crazy move.
That's a crazy move.
No, no, no, no.
Okay.
In the bathtub.
right put in lukewarm water I'm all in on it I take three different body washes yeah and I scrape the taint the sack area I clean it out that's respectable I do one spray of a clone right I'm a little nervous that the taste in their mouth would then be oh here's the trick on that okay you don't put it on the shaft you put it on the pub region okay right or you lift the sack out you do a little squirt in the taint reason okay okay no no no totally respectable because it's
If you throw foreign oils and I could be completely wrong and fragrance inside the vagina, that could be, that's a UTI happen.
And I'm a doctor and I'm very mindful of those.
No, no, you play one on TV or at least you've been in the casting of it.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let's cut to a clip.
Yeah, I understand.
How is the lunch table podcast going?
Really bad, downhill.
Yeah, I played a doctor.
Oh, you did play one in the TV.
Hell yeah.
In the classic animal practice.
Yeah. Where do I know that actor's from this behind you?
Whitley. That's Kim Whitley.
Did she play The Hooker in Curb Your Enthusiasm?
Possibly.
Okay.
Yeah, Kim Whitley is so funny.
Betsy Sedaro, Tyler Bean, and everyone else.
Anyway, the monkey.
Anyway, let's go back to that.
Yeah, why is it just a picture of poorly Photoshop faces?
So how's the podcast goes?
It's going downhill. What do you mean?
No, no, it's good.
Yeah.
How many have you?
done so far?
11, 10, 11, I don't know.
Probably 20 something, 30.
I've done like 50 something, but you came on.
Later.
Let's bring up business.
Yeah, yeah, let's bring up.
Oh, you're going to pitch me that game show idea again or whatever.
The game show?
You pitched me an Andrew something.
A board game.
It was an app and it was phenomenal.
It is phenomenal.
We still talk about it.
No, you don't.
I know.
You still talk.
No, I shot a pilot and I wanted you.
to be in it. The director's phenomenal.
And I was like, hey, do you want to come in and be this pilot of this episode that we're
shooting?
Yeah.
And then you're like, dude, yeah.
And then I followed up, never heard from you again.
I'll tell you why.
I'll tell you why.
I'll tell you why.
I'll tell you why.
I'll tell you why.
There's a respect thing that happens between our cultures that is, we're the same culture you fucked hard.
No, we're not.
Yeah, yeah.
I feel like I'm a P-O-W back in Vietnam.
I'm not, we're not, dude.
Someone one-legged hopping Vietnamese, dude.
Come on, dude.
Oh, you're a...
Platoon reference.
Platoon reference, everybody.
You act like a tunnel toddler.
That's what you act like.
Dude, you probably could make a better trail than I can.
Let's hear your excuse.
All right, so I get a lot of these
from the TikTokers, you know what I mean?
From TikTok hat talent, you know what I mean?
Fringe.
I'm kidding.
You're legit.
That's what you're here.
I love you.
So this is what I get a lot.
I'll be on a comedy store.
I don't care what you get a lot.
I want to know why you didn't respond.
to me. Can I get to my
explanations, Zach? Yeah, but anytime
you go on this haiku, it's going to
take me 84 years. Go ahead. You don't even know what
haiku is. It's a 575.
Okay, all right. All right.
Well,
Intra. Get on the mic, get on the mic, please.
Sit down, please. Sit down.
Hi, so good to see you. Sit down.
Yeah, yeah, you guys. Honey, she's like,
sit down.
If you don't sit down, you leave my house.
Sit down.
Sit down for a second. It's so great to
meet you.
Hi.
Yeah, hi.
How are you?
So that's, um,
Jules's mom.
Yeah.
Honey,
first time ever on screen.
No, you saw me in Cebu.
And her,
no, on,
what?
On the sorry.
Her store.
What's the beeping?
I just want to,
it's the kitchen burning?
I turn off everything already.
It's nice to see you.
It's so great to see you as well.
I know.
What?
What's the beeping about?
I don't know what's going on.
I turn off everything.
Even the candles downstairs.
Oh, yeah.
It's a fire alarm?
Yeah.
Okay.
Okay. How is it raising Jules?
She's different.
She's very silent.
She's silent.
And you know that she's silent, right?
She's never silent with me for whatever reason.
Yeah, for a reason she's not silent either.
If she likes people, she's not silent.
Yeah, good.
She likes people.
She's just screaming.
What do you think?
Oh, my God.
She screams a lot, right?
Bobby always says she.
Can I ask you a question, right?
May I ask you a question?
What?
Do I know how to cook a rice?
Classic Asian question.
You're the first Asian person.
I've ever met in my life.
They didn't know how to cook rice.
Well, he, Gilbert doesn't know how to cook rice.
I don't know.
If you don't use the rice cooker, you don't know how.
Yeah, he knows how to cook rice.
What?
She's not the first.
He doesn't know how to cook anything.
Anything, dude.
Is there any fun facts about you?
I don't know how to cook rice.
Yeah, that's fantastic.
That's a fun fact.
Are you, are you pretty, are you as open as Jules with, okay.
Wait, what?
What's she hiding?
Well, she told me like a little fun game you guys play, and I was just wondering if it was...
Oh, don't be...
Nothing's crazy.
I know stuff.
You're a meth addict?
Yeah.
You guys always...
Still?
No, no, no.
No.
Oh, well, how was it?
Tough.
That was hard.
Yeah.
I mean, everybody knows it's hard.
Yeah.
How did you kick it?
It's great.
Oh, brother.
How I took it?
There's certain things that you can just, you know?
What do you mean?
There's certain things we know.
You don't have to be like, I also did meth.
Okay.
Like there's some like, go ahead.
Honey?
Yeah.
How'd you kick it?
It was hard.
It wasn't hard.
It was fun.
That was the funniest days of my life.
Of being.
Yeah.
It was just an experience.
I mean, you can't stay.
But how did you quit?
I know how you quit.
I was hard.
It was really hard.
What happened?
I was placed in rehab.
Yeah.
I stayed for six.
I thought you were locked in a room.
In a room.
In a room.
In a room.
Yeah.
Yes.
Kalila's dad.
Yes.
Right.
Locked you in a room.
I was tied.
Tied to a radiator or something.
Yeah, something like that.
Yeah.
You're Kaila's sister.
Is that?
Or how is it?
Adopted sister.
Adopted sister.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
That's amazing.
But still family.
Family, very.
And very successful.
She owns this store in the Philippines.
Oh, wow.
That's amazing.
I do really actually want to go.
Yeah.
Oh, so you've been on Tiger Belly if I remember that.
Yes.
It's her shop.
Yeah.
Wow.
That's beautiful.
God.
What a beautiful.
Memories, huh?
I look like
Whizper
She asked Jaime for permission
If she could leave
I just
He has no power
Yeah yeah
You went to the guy
With the least power
And asked
Can I leave yet
I have a
Highie's really nice
Yeah
I have a small question
Here we go
Jules said you
You guys have this
like prank game
That you play together
Where
You lift up
Each other's dresses
And
show each other's pussy and everything.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's normal for everybody.
Okay.
Anyway, next.
What the fuck are we talking about?
Okay, good, honey.
My way's so nervous.
Thank you for your time.
Thank you, honey.
Come back.
Yeah, very good.
Keep no more beeping.
Thank you.
Well, that was uncomfortable.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, she, so her and Jules.
I don't want to talk about it anymore, actually.
Okay.
Okay.
What is this?
They scrub rub and then put each other's faces.
Like that's like, that's our family joke.
Yeah, sometimes mama will just like put her hand on her vagina and just let me smell it.
Let me.
Oh.
And what does it smell?
I can imagine.
It's not smelly.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, really?
But yeah.
There's no follow-ups to that.
What do you mean?
You were just like, what does it smell like?
It wasn't like why, you know, because I had 38 questions loaded up about how do you get to a point like?
that with your dog well i believe if you and i were you know in the marines we're in the shower we had
a hard day on the on the in a mission field yeah we had a mission some people died our friend
clover legs blown off from my iED yours no no no i know i thought you meant you put the i ed
down i did put it down yeah so it's the same thing except for them it's iudes so it's like a you know
Is it IUD?
I think so.
Well, IUD is in the woman.
I was making a, I was making a IUD.
I was attempting a joke.
You're right, it's IED.
It's IED.
No, I know, but an IUD is what women,
it's a birth control thing,
and I was making a joke.
It didn't work.
Well, yeah, because who I was talking to is retarded, dude.
You want me to promote this?
Yeah, no, no, no, no, it's promoted.
Okay.
Anyway, Marines, let's move on from that.
Anyway, we're in the shower.
If I rub my penis and I would hate it.
I know, but you would do it.
I would hate it too if you did it, but I would smell it.
No, I wouldn't smell it.
What about with your dad's?
I've never even seen my dad's genitals.
Same.
Yeah, yeah, ever.
I haven't seen my dad very much in general, though.
I grew up with my mom mostly.
Yeah.
If you were more lovable, maybe it would stay.
But anyway, um.
Where's your two?
I know, I missed a tooth
Okay
If you were ever to meet your dad
Would you punch him in a...
I thought one of them was talking
I was cool
I was like
If you were ever to meet your dad
Would you punch him in the penis?
Uh, no, I wouldn't
Would you hug him?
That would be a fun game to play with your dad
Papa, good to see you papa
And hug him
And now I would just be like
How do you throw a curve ball, dude
Please God teach me
What about you and your family?
You have one?
Yeah, I punched my dad in the penis
Did you?
That's a fun game
It's kind of the same thing as hers
But I don't see my dad's penis
I just punch it
I mean what's going on
I just mean this in the most respectable way
I can see you walking down the street
and just trying a rock
just being like
no okay you can't eat it
but it looked good
oh he's tried many things
yeah what's the what's the strangest thing
you've tried the rock
good improv dude
really good improv you're supposed to add information
to come up with something else
ask him again maybe it's just a true story
ask them again
So if you're, what's the craziest thing you've done?
Of eating grass.
In the fifth grade.
Okay.
That's good.
What about worms?
Like how to eat, how to fry worms or what?
How to fight worms?
Eat worms.
How to fry them?
Like the book?
You can fry them, yeah.
Yeah, you've seen the book, right?
Have you tried it?
I've seen the book, but I didn't read it.
Yeah, I know.
You just saw a cover one time.
You're like, I want to reference this on a podcast I shouldn't be on.
Yeah.
Hell yeah, I do.
How to eat fried worms?
You haven't said one thing right
In 10 seconds
Say one thing right
Because you're driving me crazy
Okay
What do you want me say
What do you want me say dude
Say all that again
But right
Was your SAT score
Higher than the numbered pencil
You used to write it with
I'm against SATs
Okay
Okay
Okay
Why?
He's against them dude
Yeah
We don't talk about politics
You're vehemly against them
Yeah
Okay
It's like
I don't believe in corporations
I wonder you would score on an SAT.
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I don't believe in corporations.
I wonder you would score on an SAT.
Give me one and then I'll...
Just give them one.
Just give them one.
Yeah, let's pull up some SAT questions and see if I'm me.
Me?
Yeah.
Oh, everybody.
No, not me.
Okay, Austria.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're not dumb, though.
You were just...
English is your second language.
Yeah.
And you also graduated from college.
That's good.
That's huge.
What was your degree?
Okay, here we go.
Go zoom in because I can't even read.
Okay, which of the following consists of all A values that satisfies the given system of inequalities?
Go ahead.
No common degree.
You go first.
Step up.
Let me see A.
Work it out.
Plus four.
Good.
I'm going to go with B.
Let's see if you got it right.
I'm going to go with D.
I already know.
What is it?
We have to take the whole thing.
Oh, we're good.
It was a fun bit.
Good job, Jaime.
You mean one math guy.
You guys are idiots.
What is it?
Oh, it was a.
It was?
Yeah.
Okay.
All right.
Was it?
Wow.
Oh, okay.
I looked at you.
You're my beacon of white hope.
I was just going to agree with you.
Yeah.
I'm glad you guys are in better spirit.
It's last time I was here you guys were yelling at each other.
They always yelled at each other.
No, we weren't.
You two were over a text exchange.
And I think you were right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What was the text that changed about?
I'm sorry, I don't want to revisit.
I'm trying to remember.
It was about Zach, though, right?
I don't think it was about me.
I think it was about, I thought someone else was coming.
Oh, yeah, and you're mad that it was me.
Graham Stephan.
That ain't good, brother, man.
Yeah, yeah.
But then I was joyful.
I'm a big fan.
Of old boy?
No, you.
Oh.
No, you're not.
I really am.
If you texted some, okay.
Oh, yeah, let's go back to that.
What happened to the movie?
Oh, with the movie.
Let's go back to that.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, we went on a Jaime tangent.
I just, you know, when we were going on high many times, I get confused.
So here's the deal, okay?
Okay.
I get offers from people are like, like, I'll give you an example.
Harland, Williams has another movie.
Who's that?
You don't know Harlem, women?
Okay, well, then that's insane.
We were going to potentially, I was, I'm not done.
Let me finish my fucking thing, dude.
All right?
So Harlan's is like.
Never lets you finish.
So Harlan's like, hey, buddy.
buddy what's up Sarah Silverman that's what he calls me and I go what's up he goes I have another
movie I want you to be in I go all right well call my agent right and then my agent will call me
and tell me what the offer is because it's business it's business right and it's like when I do it
directly then it's like then I got to call my agent yeah yeah you know what I mean so just do it the
correct way and I'll do it yeah just give me the contact of your agent or it's it's googleable you
text it back yeah I'm in then you
call CAA and then you go, hey, Bobby said he was in on this project.
Here's the offer, this and that.
And then my agent will go.
I'm not doing the movie with you and Anna Farris anymore then.
Why?
Oh, that one struck a chord, didn't it?
You know about that film, huh?
Yeah.
You're excited about that one because you're playing the main character.
It's my movie.
I've read it.
You don't like it?
I love it.
Yeah.
I wanted to play your roommates.
I thought it would be a really funny dynamic.
And they'd be fun too.
Okay.
Now you're out.
I don't care.
I'll get Seth Green.
Seth Green.
Not even comparable.
Right.
Here's a thing.
But if that movie won't,
you know,
we get the funding for that movie,
right?
Who's your agent?
UTA.
Right.
We'll call UTA and go,
can Zach do this moment?
This is the...
But I handle everything
kind of in...
What?
I kind of handle everything in turn.
That's not how I do it.
Well, you should.
It's business.
No, I shouldn't.
When it comes to film
and television now.
Well, you're just moving,
maybe you're moving
a little too slow.
Maybe I'm like on the
fast track and I'm ready to get things done.
Oh, excuse me, Anders Schultz.
Yeah, I mean, the future of everything.
What are you talking about, Dad?
Thank you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're welcome.
But if we get to do that picture together, I think it would be dynamic.
Well, I know, and I will give you the proper proposal through your agency.
Okay.
Is Anna back in or?
Yeah.
Sweet.
We don't know yet.
I picked about that.
No, but there are other people that call and like, now that we offer, now they have interest.
Great.
So there's things going back and forth.
It's in motion.
Yeah.
And people want to get on a moving train.
What?
Isn't that what?
Yes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And what?
People want to get on a moving train.
On a moving train.
That's a really good thing.
Yeah, I don't understand it.
Oh, if you ever run a train, you have, of course you want it to move.
So that's true.
Yeah, I got that reference.
Why not plane?
Good point.
Yeah, people want to be on a moving train.
In my mind, you guys don't leave this, like, place.
Yeah, yeah.
And then I just, like, walk in.
There's another one.
Yeah, yeah.
That's beautiful.
You can do a car.
You can do other moving...
Boats.
Rikshah.
People want to be on a moving rickshaw.
Are we just naming things that move at this point?
Okay, I'll get in there.
Cale boat.
Boat.
Yeah, exactly, dude.
I love this game.
Please replay it because I said that four seconds before we did.
I said sailboat.
And the first thing, he goes, boat.
Rock?
Yeah, yeah.
Hell yeah.
You know, comedy's all about delivery.
And he nailed it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's what I think I never had.
I never had your delivery.
So that's why I think I never made it.
Well, because you're, no, you're, he's a character.
Yeah.
You mean, like, he's like a Pauly Shore.
He's just him.
But which is funnier to me.
I like when people are funny without meaning to.
That's him.
Yeah, exactly.
Those are my favorite.
Those are the most funny people.
Yeah.
Like me, I genuinely, I try to like intellectualize too much.
You're too.
smart. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, this guy
there's not a thought that goes to his body.
You want to get on the movie? It's all nerves. It's all nerve endings.
He goes, you want to get on moving train. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. See, he repeats
things, right? But there's some people that do it really well. Like, I think Theo does it
really well where you can tell he's smart, but he can play like he... He dumps it down.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I got to work on that. Yeah. Do you think I do that or what? Do you think
I do it or no? No. Yeah, yeah. What?
Smart. You think I'm smart? Yeah.
I don't know much.
You're very smart.
Oh, thank you.
You understand the cadence of a joke, though.
I do.
Yeah.
I understand the structure of joke and all that stuff.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But I don't know, like, we took that quiz a while back,
and I don't know factual things like.
A fifth grader quiz.
Like, a fifth grader quiz.
That's fine.
What do you need to know that for?
What's the biggest planet in our galaxy?
Yeah, like, I don't want to know.
Or solar system, I don't know.
What are people think I'm going to be hanging out with these guys?
Like, I got to fit in, no, dude.
I want to hang out with those fifth graders.
What are your feelings about AI Atlas?
Didn't it just break apart into three parts?
And then like the tails are in such a way
where it would be some type of forward force.
And it's not melting in the way that it should
as approaches the sun.
It's very interesting.
But it's going a different direction.
It's not heading toward Earth.
So that gives me like it's not an alien.
Well, why not?
Because you would think that like, you know,
mean,
intellectual,
you know,
I mean,
a species that's flying
through our galaxy
or our solar system
is going to go,
holy shit,
there's a planet here
with beings that
let's visit it.
Or maybe they're low
on whatever energy
they need and they're
going to the biggest source.
Because like if we're passing
by an ant hill,
but we need oil for our cars,
we're going to go to where the oil is.
Maybe they need to capture the sun's energy
to take it back to their planet
and they're not worried about a lower species like us.
you know.
Why do you downplay human race?
We're not a lower species.
Well, some of us.
Don't look at them.
No.
You're the highest of all species.
I love you so much.
We're definitely a lower species
if they figured out a way
to intergalactic travel.
Yeah, yeah.
But it's not going light speed, too.
You would think that an intergalactic
you know what I mean?
Spacecraft would go light speed.
I don't think we can conceptualize
how to think about it
if they've done it.
There's no way for us to know
what's right you know what the three eye atlas is yeah what is i would i would volunteer to save the kids
you're like you would violent if oh so that's an interesting question what you're saying is this
if like um close encounters of the third kind one of the greatest who's seen it raise your hand
okay no one is up it's a spilberg movie yeah i i haven't seen it's incredible i've heard it's good
yeah yeah she doesn't want a space i'd see i also haven't seen
and I feel really bad.
Masterpiece.
Yeah.
I heard it's really good.
But in Close Encounters of the third kind,
if you haven't seen it,
an alien race comes to Earth
and all the scientists
and all the important people, right,
get together,
and they get all the mathematicians
and all the people together
and they're trying to figure out
how to communicate with this thing.
Meanwhile,
the spacecraft is only giving out a song,
like a town,
which is,
nah,
na, na,
na, na,
you've heard.
that, right? Yeah. Where?
A nursery rhyme?
That's not a nursery rhyme.
No,
no, no,
no,
no, no. Star Wars?
No, it's fucking close encounters
of their kind. Oh, yeah, yeah.
So this is similar to a rival.
I've seen a rival. It's, so what happens
is, but people on
planet Earth,
just regular people, some of them
get an instinct
to go where the spacecraft is.
They don't know why they want to go.
go right but they get they dream about
because the spacecraft is on this mountain hill right it's like a mountain
so like um so um what's his name um
Steven Spielberg no no no the lead act
Richard Dreyfus
Richard Dreyfus you know what I mean
he takes a bunch of soil from the backyard
and he makes this mountain inside his living room
do you remember and his wife is go what the fuck are you doing
because I don't know I'm obsessed with this
right and he sees it in the news
and he just and just random people
just start getting out of their house and going there.
Describing movies is kind of like describing a dream that you had to someone
where you're like trying to be like, yeah.
Yeah.
Do you get it what I'm saying?
Right?
And so then when they get there, the end of them,
it's been,
the movie's been out for 50 years.
Well, no, spoiler.
Yeah, yeah.
Spoiler.
So when they show up there, right,
all the scientists and all the people are standing in front of the thing
because when the aliens come out,
but also the people that wandered in there
kind of snuck in there too.
and the aliens walk out of their ship
and they grab, touch the hands
of the people that, you know what I mean?
They touched.
That's cool.
And they all get on the ship.
Where'd they go?
That's the thing.
There's no fucking close encounters too.
We don't know where they went.
I think it's a beautiful movie.
I think my sci-fi is a little bit closer to home.
Like, I'll watch movies like her.
Have you seen her?
Love it.
Like that's one of my favorite movies,
but it just feels like that's definitely going to be
in a year, maybe two years.
I mean, so many people are falling in love with their AI bots now.
Or have you seen Blade Runner 2049?
Yeah, I loved it.
Or Anadhaermus is just like a hologram.
Yeah, I loved it.
I signed it up.
Is your crush, right?
Just put the hologram version is my crush.
Like, that's what I want.
Wait, wait, wait, so let me get this straight friend.
This is a Japanese woman who got married to her AI she made of an anime character.
Okay, I'm not there yet.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah.
So she had someone filling as him to put it on.
The finger isn't.
Yeah.
This is not as bad as the girl.
She married the Ferris wheel.
Oh.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
That's her husband.
Wow.
He's hot.
He's hot.
He's hot.
He's hot.
He's hot.
He's hot.
He's hot.
He's hot.
Yeah.
But I guess at what point, do you think it'll ever be okay?
Let me think about that.
If there was, if I can designer,
my AI companion.
Yeah.
In a factory.
You know, I would spend some time and what that.
You know what I mean?
And if they had, what's going on, guys?
Nothing.
You don't know.
What is going on?
Me?
Yeah, what are you doing?
She was looking at my notes.
I wasn't.
Yeah, yeah.
Hey, why can't we have a, like, an alien movie like E.T.
Come in real life.
Remember E.T?
I was just thinking about Spielberg, that guy.
Oh, was something with aliens.
Right?
Him and that George Lucas guy.
I thought he was going to say George Lopez
I really thought he was going to say that
E-T, remember that movie?
Yoda was in it.
Do we, we were, no.
Yoda?
We were on the brink of probably the most intellectual
conversation to ever be had
on the podcast.
And then he storms in
off the top rope
and just pile drives.
And now, guess what?
We have to now acknowledge it.
that's a sad bar
Hold on
You're talking about
Stephen Spielberg
So he made E.T. too
Moments so long ago
Yeah
But the whole thing is
Yoda's in E.T.
Yeah
Look it up.
You always have it in Yoda E.T.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So what, but your question was
What if E.T. was real?
Yeah, let's make that
a real thing.
Okay, okay.
Instead of the close encounters
to third kind.
So you want that to be real?
It's a different movie.
Those are two different movies.
Look up E.T.
They're just two photos spliced together.
No, look it up.
Yeah.
I've seen E.E.
Yeah, I do one.
Yoda, E.T. and Jane Goodall.
No, no, no, no.
If we're going to do it, let's do it.
No, look up Yoda.
Coco the gorilla.
Just put Cocoa the gorilla in there.
What are we doing here, dude?
No, Yoda's in E.T.
I've seen that movie so many times.
Okay.
What?
Do this.
Is Yoda in the movie E.T.
Shit, he is.
Okay, let me see.
Let me see the photo.
I'm just so interested in what you're fighting for.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll figure out what, yeah.
Oh, yeah, he was a costume.
Yeah, some kid in a Halloween costume was...
But that's a little Easter egg.
That looks like Oxford.
Where was that film?
This whole interruption.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I love E.T.
Yeah, so technically you're right.
Yeah, so you want E.T to be real.
Why do you want it to be real?
Yeah, what was your pitch?
I don't know, just a kid being friends with alien, that's pretty cool.
Like, Mac in me?
You said, but no, no, no, no, no.
I need to break this down because you said,
why don't we make that real?
And then you kind of got mad that...
To understand it?
I don't understand it.
Yeah, it's a dead end.
Okay, you ever see Macon Me?
Yeah, it was so Macon Me...
Yeah.
No, I'm not bringing up...
He's trying to show off all the alien movies.
Well, no, Macon Me was...
Macon Me was a rip-off of E.T.
Yeah.
Right?
And Macon Me is one of the worst movies
considered ever made.
There's a scene in it
where there's a fucking five-minute...
McDonald's commercial.
Do you remember that?
In Mac and Me.
It should go Mac and my McDonald's.
All right?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I remember that.
This is in a movie.
Don't dance to this.
Yeah, look at, they're in a McDonald's.
Looks like it's in a Wendy's with that arch.
Yeah.
What is happening?
Why there's so much foliage that's in the movie.
And it's five minutes long.
I can name alien movies.
No, we know, dude.
Mars, attack.
All right.
Turn this off, look at Ronald McDonald's in it.
Yeah, yeah.
Mars attacks?
Yeah.
That's a good one.
Oh, my God, dude.
I don't know what you guys are talking about anymore.
I don't either.
I mean, I guess we're going to...
Oh, oh, wait, no, you're saying how long...
I don't want to do it on it.
It isn't appropriate to date an AI.
So if I'm...
Okay, if...
If the skin was real, right, like felt like real skin, warm.
And...
War, don't see...
You have to say warm.
Don't have to say warm.
Don't have to warm.
Go off my...
Girlfriend was war.
Yeah, because you imagine these new
Androids that they're making.
So, I'm out.
Yeah, that's not real enough for me.
They would have to have a body for you
to consider it like, okay.
A body and also the AI intelligence.
Like, hello, Bobby.
But when will AI and humans have their 2015 moment?
Is that when the gays were allowed to marry?
Oh, well, I mean, the lady just married something
that didn't exist.
I think you married anything.
But that's too pretty, like that's weird.
is preemptive.
At some point, it's going to be so, like, say there's a, like, you don't know I'm
AI, but I'm in a computer, but I have like the same cadence of, yeah, I'm in.
Whoa, I'm in.
Yeah, I'm in at that.
If that's AI, I'm in.
I'm in.
Well, who's that guy?
Who's that geriat?
He doesn't deserve her.
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean.
Why is it covering her?
I don't know.
Sorry.
Fell out.
So if that's AI, I'm in.
And if I had a wedding, that's another question is if I had a full-blown wedding in like Belize.
right
wedding in Belize
everyone's got to fly out there
and I'm marrying
you know I mean
Ok
That's her name
You're pulling a him
What the hell is anybody
You're talking about you
Yeah
I feel better
I have to go to Jules for sanity
But you wouldn't go to my wedding
Who's burning the house again
Get honey
Honey
What is going on here
What is going on?
There's no fire she says
It's just
I'm sorry Zach
No it's okay
Take your time.
It's his house.
Hi,
you said you had some questions
for Zach?
Me?
I don't know.
Can I go on your show?
That's, yeah, man.
The Danes show?
Sure.
You find love.
You want to come on and pop the balloon?
Yeah.
Okay, sick.
Oh, my.
For real.
That'll be hilarious.
I'm being for real.
I'm being for real.
I'm being for real.
I'm being for real.
I wasn't going to give you a guy.
You'd never fucking AI,
Jaime?
No.
Why not?
Well,
no, because he said it felt real.
I don't want it felt real.
I want to feel real.
I want the real thing.
You don't want it past ads.
Okay.
You want a president.
No,
he's like,
I wanted to feel real or some shit.
I don't know what he said.
But yeah,
look,
can I come on the show?
Yeah,
man,
you're in.
I like back.
For real.
I saw you at the Burbank Airport.
And I want to.
What's your transition?
I don't know.
Okay.
And then where did you go after that?
To the airport?
Yeah.
I saw you at the airport.
You were again Starbucks with a homie.
I don't drink Starbucks, but keep going.
Well, you were in front of Starbucks.
Okay.
You know what you're on talking about?
Is there only one at the Brubing airport?
Probably that one.
And I was going to say hi to you, but I was running late to my gate.
Oh, well, sorry we missed that opportunity, dude.
I would have went out to you.
I'm like, hey, you know, Jules?
But then you would have been like, who are you?
No, I probably would have been like Jules who?
Rudy Jules.
I said, yeah.
And then you would have said, I would, I do Tiger Belly with her.
And I said, oh, great.
She, we do the lunch table together.
Huh?
Then I would have been like, yeah, we do the lunch table.
Oh, yeah.
And then you would have went to your gate?
I wouldn't miss the gate by then.
Oh, because you were running so late.
Yeah, I was a minute late.
Yeah.
And it was a black lady.
Okay.
Oh, it was a black lady.
And she, you know, the government was shut down.
So she was already pissed.
And, uh.
I was in here for two minutes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
She's talking about.
up.
Zach was coaching Jaime in a conversation with himself.
I was listening.
What the god's name is going on?
He's talking about a time we almost met.
Okay.
So.
All right.
Let's start over.
Okay.
Yeah,
because all these themes.
Play the music.
No more.
Steve Spielberg.
You brought up Spielberg.
Yeah,
because I was referring,
because we were talking about three.
We went from three eye atlas.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
And then you came back around two.
too late with the alien stuff.
You said, why don't we make E.T.
You're real. What's up with that? You should have done it in the chunk when I was talking about
for you were talking. So I didn't want to interrupt.
I know, but then we went into something else and then two minutes later you brought on, you know?
E.T. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because I didn't want it to go away.
Have you seen E.T?
I've seen it.
What do you do when you're alone?
Oh, my God. I can't even imagine.
Well, ask her his roommate.
No, no, no.
Okay.
Who's your room?
Right there.
But,
didn't she say
she's your assistant?
Don't know
shot.
Huh?
No shot.
You have an assistant, right?
No.
Yeah.
You literally said
she's your assistant.
I didn't say that.
What are you talking about?
On the pod.
Can I ask?
Yeah, can I ask you questions?
Yeah, yeah.
She does help him with his finances.
Yeah.
Okay.
Don't put,
Cut that out.
Okay, she doesn't.
All right.
She doesn't help with this finance.
Do you want to say your name again?
Oh, my name is Karina.
Karina.
Are you from Oxnard?
No.
Okay.
I'm from Dallas.
Oh.
Yeah.
Accent was Oxnard.
Yeah.
She's not impressed by you, dude, so I don't know what you're doing.
I'm not trying to impress her.
Oh, he's cute.
You're cute.
You're cute yourself.
You're handsome.
Thank you so much.
Dumino.
You're a guy.
You're human.
It's your show.
This is your show.
So those are a compliment.
Oh, you have a show.
What does he do in his free time, this gentleman?
He watches a lot of movies.
Oh, great.
What are some of his favorites?
E.T.
Oh, my God.
He actually does watch.
But if he wasn't watching a movie
and you just randomly came in home
without a warning,
is he kind of standing in a corner?
What is he doing?
Well, sometimes he just stares at his, like.
Yeah.
I picked up on that.
He's staring at, what is it?
Yeah, like his laptop and stuff.
Is there anything on it?
Sometimes it's just music.
Okay.
He lets his stare at music.
I don't listen to it.
We just pray.
We just straight.
How did you guys come about
habitating the same living environment?
That's a long story.
I doubt it.
It is.
Okay?
Yeah, it is.
Are you guys dating?
No.
Have you guys ever been like a little drunk
and tongue wrestled?
Mm-mm-mm.
Okay, hey, just throwing it out there.
It just didn't know.
I didn't want to, because she's like,
you find Karina attractive?
No.
Okay.
Oh, why do you find unattractive about her?
Oh, wait, what?
Her!
Is her name Karina, too?
I was looking at Joe's room.
What's going on with you?
I was looking at Joe's.
Did you sleep last night?
Huh?
He was watching too much music.
He was watching too much music, man.
Are you in town for how long?
I don't know.
Definitely.
So Thursday.
To Thursday, I think.
Till Thursday.
So, wait, let's go back.
You don't find her attractive?
No.
Why do you keep looking at you?
I'm looking at Jules.
You think Tules is attractive?
No.
I mean, you know, I shot my, no, I was kidding.
Sorry, Zach.
Is that why you want to know what in the parking lot?
We're not talking about Jules.
I know.
No, you don't.
Imagine me like, do you think Jules is cute to me?
And I go, no, bye me.
What are you talking about?
No, I find
Jew's attractive, no?
What?
The question is me.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Look at her.
You're not even looking at her.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think he's scared of me.
Oh.
Or maybe he likes you.
No.
Did she walk around in her underwear at home?
No.
He goes, okay, no.
Like sweatpants?
Why did you touch me?
I didn't touch you?
Yeah, she's.
Yeah, you're talking.
He went,
I tapped you.
Yeah, but what were you...
What were we agreeing on?
Touch is this.
Tap.
Yeah.
Were you, like, telling me she does walk around in her underwear?
No.
Yeah.
Have you ever seen her in a bathing suit?
No.
You never seen her bathing suit.
Okay.
Do you guys not swim?
No, I don't.
Yeah.
He's lying.
Yes, you have.
You got swam together.
No, we didn't swim together.
I can't swim together.
He's seen me in a bathing suit.
He has seen you in the business?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Where?
Why are you lying?
Why are you so nervous?
Yeah.
I think you do like her.
Oh, man.
Yeah, yeah.
Which is okay.
It's okay.
You already moved in with her.
Thank you.
No.
What are, what are, how could he improve to maybe be a, you know, in your twinkle?
Nothing.
Nothing.
So he's perfect.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, I wouldn't say that.
Not that you're not.
but it's just.
You have your type,
but he's not your type.
Yeah,
and I'm not his type.
Okay,
we're best friends.
Like,
that's just out of like the...
I see,
I see,
I see,
but if you,
genuinely,
if you think you
walked in his room
2 a.
m.
and you just kind of
threw a Hail Mary,
do you think he'd say no?
I don't...
Yeah,
he would say no.
I'm not his type and I...
Okay,
so I love his excuse.
He goes,
it's because I'm not home.
Okay.
But if you were home,
yeah.
No.
No,
no, I'm never home.
Oh my God.
Let's go back to you.
So the three-eyed, raven.
Thank you, Karina.
Thank you for your time.
A lot of little pop-up guest stars in here.
I like it.
Honey.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What do you get from staring at music?
Hmm?
The lyrics, man.
Oh, I see, I see.
Wait, you stare at music?
Lyrics.
Yeah, yeah.
I stare at the lyrics.
I don't read them because I'm dyslexic.
You are staring at music.
Just staring at work.
I love how he like, but he talks to me like, I'm crazy.
I know.
I stare at music.
I understand.
But Jaime is one of a kind.
The best.
I love him.
I'm all in.
I'm just trying to.
Can you find him a girlfriend on your show?
You think so?
Brother, I'll try.
Do you have any maybe pick up lines or?
Yeah.
Oh, good.
Let's go through some scenarios.
So me and, would you like to play?
I was gonna play the woman, but if you like to.
I'll play, I'll be your best friend. Okay. Oh my god, dude.
Like, what did you do today? Oh my god. Hey.
Hey. Oh, I'm gonna let y'all talk for a little bit.
Oh, good, okay, that's weird. Power move.
But I like that you're hard. No, don't, you're breaking character. I'm okay. All right.
He just, that's weird. Anyway, okay, thank you. We're gonna talk for a little bit. Yeah. So, what you did today?
I can't think of really anything. Is he still. He's still staring at you at the back of your head.
Half a foot away.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Still fine.
Maybe, I'm just going to.
Oh,
hi.
At first I want to say hi.
And that,
uh.
Hi.
Hi.
I'm not talking to the fat friend.
I'm talking to.
Whoa.
First of all,
she's on O-ZemPEC.
She's been on OZEPC for a while.
And,
like,
like,
the fattest guy I've ever seen is calling me fat.
I'm not fat.
I'm just,
chunky.
Confident.
It's big boy season.
Yeah.
And stop hanging out
with this fridge
and if you want to
Wait wait
Excuse me sir
You're being extra rude
I like I never
I haven't even met you before
I didn't have a little
brutal
She gave you my kid mad
And a fridge
Wait I'm going on here
Just keep playing
I'm going somewhere
Yeah yeah
Oh
All right but I'm just saying that
Okay
I have ma'am
I had lupus
I'm 24 years old
I had lupus
And she gave me
kidney.
You have a mortgage.
Please don't talk about her.
I gave her my kidney.
Okay, you have a mortgage.
You're a ma'am.
Listen, you're very attractive.
I rent, but anyway.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah.
And I just wanted to say, can you get out of the way so I can talk to the fat friend?
Oh, he was nagging.
Yeah.
No.
Did you get out there?
Absolutely not now.
That was not the right approach.
You can't call somebody a fat and fat.
fridge and then can I talk to you.
Fridge is crazy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, what do I?
The better, try this.
Try this.
The better.
What do I say, like, hey, fat fridge.
You can't combine.
You want to combine the word.
I want to.
Yeah.
Don't keep going.
Follow the lead.
Put the cock in your mouth.
No.
I don't say.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't say.
This is what you do, Jaime, right?
Put the, you know, my thumb in your butt hole.
Okay.
Put my cock in your fucking mouth.
Duel, what's happening here?
What is going on to do?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I've never seen them like this before.
I'm going to sidebar with my friend.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
No, I'm kidding.
What's up?
Do you guys want to go back or what?
Go back where?
Both of us now?
Yeah, yeah.
Where are we going to go?
That's not my real pick-up line.
All right, so let's be real.
Okay, this be real.
All right, so are you trying to, before we get the scenario right?
Who are you trying to hit on here?
I can't decide.
All right, so let's.
I decided on her.
All right.
We're going to be talking.
And be real.
Okay.
Like this is a real place.
Yeah.
Okay.
Go ahead.
Yeah.
So Demetrius.
Oh, my God.
What he did to Kaylee?
Oh, Katie.
Am I right?
Anyways, my name is Hyma Garcia.
What's up?
What's your name?
What?
Oh, my God.
Too a prop, dude.
Oh, okay.
Let us talk for a while.
Okay.
Okay.
You're learning.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I got to come up with a different.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, no, we can stay.
Oh, shit.
Oh, oh, shit.
No, I don't want to, right?
That meteorite that hit Townsville?
Townsville?
Yeah, do you believe it?
Should I hit on this?
I mean, once in let's see we're in Townsville?
I mean, it was summer 2016 because my ex-boy-friend had a show there.
I can't hear this.
Next to me.
This is crazy.
Sorry, excuse me.
We're talking about a meteorite that just hit Townsville.
I'm sorry, I'm having a conversation with my friend.
We're just talking about something right now.
Okay.
This girl has a big tints
My right
Don't you just want to
Go dinosaur on them
Hi, we're all sharing live
We heard you
Yeah, we heard you
No, you did it
My name is James
How you doing?
What's your name?
Listen
Hey, Kimberly, don't tell them
Kimberly
What's up?
Kimberly
Hey
Hey, you guys come here often?
I'm Natasha
Natasha, nice to meet you
Nice to meet you
This is my friend right here
You can talk to her
Hey, can I buy you a drink?
I don't want to talk.
I'm okay.
I can afford my own drink.
Yeah, we have drinks on the table.
Oh, 2025.
Women can do the own things now.
Hey.
I mean, you're not.
What?
What are you saying?
Every time you talk, I feel like you're on the brink of spitting up.
Don't break, Eric, don't break.
Stay in the same.
Yeah, don't tell me that.
I'm about to buy you drinks.
We already have drinks, sir?
We already have.
Well, I'll buy this next round.
Sir, well, Tasha?
If we just, sir.
Sir.
Sir.
Okay.
Listen, can I get your digits or not?
I think I'm going to pass this time.
All right.
You're lost.
Yeah.
Thank you for being bold enough to ask.
I don't really do that.
I know.
That's the way we wanted you to do it the way you would do it.
I don't know.
And then you became aggressive.
Hi, mate.
You've actually done pickup lines that have worked for you.
And girls, no.
The coffee one or like, do you have a name?
Oh my God.
Do you have you ever had a girlfriend?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know she cheated.
How do you normally talk to girls?
I don't know.
I don't talk.
I talk, but I'm like, just, you like oranges?
That's my...
Let's start there.
That's a good starting point.
Anyway.
I do.
I'd love to buy some from your cart on Sunday.
No, no, let's start again, right?
Okay.
Yeah.
Timbaya Alamoto.
It's a new word that I...
Kim.
Hey, excuse me.
young lady
do you like oranges
um on an occasion
I like citruses
yeah
it's one of my faves
well I got
a store
downtown L.A.
You have an orange store
have oranges
grapefruit
Oh
Oh any citrus
That's beautiful
When did you start your business
Oh when my grandpa died
You have limes
No
He didn't grow limes
I have lemons
I have lemons
You like lemons
He's hitting on me
I think so.
I feel it.
Sorry.
I just wanted to see if you wanted to come see the store.
Oh.
I don't know, man.
I mean, lady.
I don't know.
I honestly, stay at it.
Stay at the store.
I stay at the orange store and, you know, I do some stuff here and there.
Do you manual labor?
Yeah, go pick the oranges from the field.
Oh, you kind of do it all.
Jack of all trades.
Yeah.
I'm also the CEO.
The CEO of the Citger Store.
That you also are in the fields picking.
Yeah.
Very cool.
You can get my number down if you want to.
Well, how long have you been an executive?
Yeah.
All my life since my grandpa died.
All your life since your grandpa died.
When did your grandpa die?
Since I was alive.
Okay.
Kimberly, that's Dana Kimberly.
He said that his
grandfather, he's
his grandfather died when
he's been alive.
I think that's what he said.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Sorry.
The guy when you were alive.
Sorry, I'm not very smart.
Can you break down?
Yeah, break down what that means.
Yeah, yeah.
We don't really know that means.
So when I was born
in 2006,
right?
That's not my ear, but.
Sure, let's use fake ears.
Why would you lie?
Okay.
Why would you lie?
What are we doing?
I don't know how to talk to ladies, okay?
Did your grandpa?
Bye.
Bye.
Bitch.
Yeah, that's his her problem.
I don't know, ma'am.
Yeah, you're going to die alone.
I'm sorry.
You're not.
No, I don't know.
But you're really sweet, though.
Yeah, that's why I lose.
Lean into the sweetness.
Yeah, I think.
I don't know.
I'm so sweet, but you come up, oh, look at the tits on this one.
Boy, that's a joke.
Yeah, yeah.
I don't know.
I honestly don't know.
Do you have a type?
Yeah.
Yeah, Filipinos.
So, were you attracted to Jules?
No.
Why is that?
More like siblings.
What did you guys meet?
A year?
Last year.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Yeah.
You met here, right?
Oh, you've been on this for a while.
Yeah.
Cool.
Yeah.
You wasn't here when I was here last time.
No, I was in.
Things got shaken up.
No, sometimes he's here.
Sometimes he's not.
He's, but he's mostly here.
Does it hurt you that your co-host had a baby with someone else?
What?
What?
It would hurt me.
What?
I'm just...
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, honestly, no.
When she first told me, it was a little rattling.
I cried.
But when I met the baby, especially, I got it.
I got it.
And I love the kid.
Yeah.
Do you get along well with...
Yeah.
He's the sweetest man I've ever.
He really is.
I can't think of anything negative to say about him.
He's been over to the house to help me fix stuff.
Wow.
That's got to be like debilitating.
Yeah, because I'm not a hands-on.
That's what I'm saying.
It's like, oh.
No, he's like a man's man.
And, you know, it's something that I'm not.
And I've always known that about myself.
I've been kind of, I'm aloof and kind of, you know, weird.
Do you want children?
I don't think it's going to happen for me, to be honest with you.
No.
Okay.
So when you brought that up, right?
it became, the show got weird.
And now we're going into a weird, you know what I mean?
You know what I mean?
He's writing it down.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He got a new page for this.
Now, I know that that's a part of your thing, but why do you do that?
No, no, that wasn't.
No, no, let's get, let's dive into you, Zach, and why you do that.
Well, that was a, you say confrontational thing.
That's not confrontational.
That was a, that was a genuine question that I actually had.
That's a deep question.
I love to dive deep into it.
I might get derailed by a little ET.
T-talk in the middle, but yeah, yeah, yeah.
How are you feeling?
I feel, for the first time in my life, I feel, I mean, I have a lot going on, you know,
but they're good things.
And I have a little anxiety because of all the things I need to do, but.
Do you celebrate your wins?
I've been really celebrating.
I'm pitching myself every day as of late.
I can't believe it.
How do you, okay, something good in your, what is a win for you?
Is it normally career-wise, or is it?
It's a lot of things.
Like, um, recently I helped somebody get sober.
Ooh.
And he's doing very good.
And that feels good.
An official sponsor or?
No, but it's somebody that I got a call from somebody saying this guy really needs help.
Didn't know who he was.
I know what he did for a living.
But I brought him around to some meetings and stuff like that.
And we've been close.
We've been grown close.
That's nice.
I've been speaking at meetings again.
So that's good.
What the initial getting off.
or the initial getting sober, I guess, what are those tips and tricks that you give?
Not tips and tricks, but how do you guide someone through that, like the withdrawals of the initial?
Well, I mean, everyone has a different view on how to get sober, right?
I can only share my experience.
And my experience is through 12-step groups and hitting meetings hard, getting a sponsor,
doing service work, and that sort of, that way.
Do you feel like when you have a community, you have a less chance of letting them down?
Or is that a big part of it?
Well, if you know the history of Alcoholics Anonymous, there was Bill W., Bill Wilson, the founder of A.
Right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
One day he was at some sort of convention or something, and he had been sober for oil, but he knew he was going to drink.
Right?
And he didn't know what to do.
So we called a nun.
on the phone.
When was this?
This is 1935?
Called a nun on the phone and goes,
I'm an alcoholic, I'm about to drink.
Do you know any other alcoholics?
And she goes, I know a doctor
who is chronically drinking.
And so he called the doctor
out of the blue and said,
can I just see you?
Doctor's like, no.
He's like, please, I'll just stop by five minutes.
He's all right.
So he comes to the guy's house.
What ends up happening is
they start spending time.
together and then when they realize and they would share their experience strength of
hope each other like you know their experiences with each other there was a lot of
relating going on but they what they found was after a couple of days they were
still sober and didn't think about drinking so what they did was together they would
go to institutions and and like because back in the day alcoholics ended up in
like insane asylums right some of them on the verge of wet brain right and
they would sit down and share their story
with other alcoholics and every once in well one of the guys would go I'm gonna join you guys
And then it turns out after about a year they had hundreds of people
They had some long-term sobriety if they just met up and so that's how a
This might be a naive question, but is it only alcohol? No
Is there there's now there's um that at sex love it anonymous but like say it say it was like prescription drugs whatever it is
Would that all be in the same group?
As an alcohol?
Yeah, I mean, if I was strictly an opiate user and I wanted to get sober,
I would probably still go to A meetings.
Because it's all the same thing.
You know what I mean?
Also, all these behaviors is not the problem, right?
It's the solution to what the actual problem is.
Well, what was it, World War II?
A lot of the guys were hooked on meth and other drugs, or maybe even heroin.
but when they got home to a community
like statistically like 90%
of them all quit
or it might even be higher
but it was like a sense of community that
community is important and that's what I think
AA is it's community
you need somebody to check you too
how often is it?
What do you mean?
Like is it once a week? Is it once a month?
Sometimes I go one or two a week, yeah
I mean when I first got sober every day
for like six months
but then eventually kind of life happens
and then you do life but
from from that
outside you would think every time. I don't know why this has become fucking... I found it so
interesting. He's being very genuine. Yeah. No, I like it. I like being real. I find it really
interesting. Yeah. Every time the, well, I guess from an outsider's perspective who hasn't been,
it almost like you go in and it's a lot of like really emotional stories. Is there,
is it always like that? Is there sometimes where it's like everybody's hanging out and it's like,
I'll give you an example. When I was a kid, I was 17 years old, I used to go to this place called
Mount Soled at Men's. It was a men's. It was a men's
meeting Saturday morning. It's still there.
And still a meeting. So I
gave Dan a cake there
like seven months ago in
San Diego.
But when I went as a kid in the 80s,
I was in high school
and I got sober then.
And I, there was this
guy one day
he had no shoes on. He was like
a hobo. You know what I mean?
He was going, he was going
you know what I mean? Like he was
fucked up, right? And he kept
going every week. And then I stopped going for that meeting for a couple of years. But then like in my
early 20s before I did stand-up, I started going back. And I was sitting next to this guy and he was
wearing a suit. And he goes, hey dude. I go, hey, I haven't met you for her. Remember me? I was
going to. And I go, whoa. Like, I couldn't believe. I go, what's going on? He's like, oh, yeah,
I'm married. Right? It has a life.
and that's when it really hit me like, oh, this shit works.
Like, there's a transformational change that happens.
You know what I mean?
Internally and externally, that's, you know,
this is incredible to witness, and it's spiritual.
When you see that kind of change,
and you know that they believe in God
and they think that God did it,
and you see it, like when Christians go,
hey, you know what I mean?
It's like, you don't know hard to.
but when I see God mend hardship and, you know what I mean,
and cleans a man's life so drastically,
that's when I believe, because I see it.
You know, I have to see it.
You mean, some kid that's, you know,
oh, yeah, my dad's a lawyer, but, you know, I'm a Christian.
I believe the Lord.
It's like, yeah, I don't believe you, man.
I believe that guy.
I think that goes for people in general.
I always like people that have been through some stuff
a little bit more than I,
people that haven't, you know.
What's, is there a, so I guess if you're speaking to someone else are trying to help, is there a certain point?
How are, is, I'm the host.
Howard, did you become the host?
I find this so fast.
I know, no, yeah, I know, but it's so clever.
When I see podcasts are coming on here, I know what they're doing.
Zach's a good interviewer.
I know he is, but it's like my show.
This is my last question.
No, I know, I like it.
I think it's clever.
What?
Is there, is there a,
certain like common time milestone where it's a little bit easier to be sober like is it usually like
you have to get over this hump of maybe i think the first uh 90 days is that's why they always say go 90
meetings 90 days that's the toughest part but i think once you um get some time behind your belt
you also the fog lifts so you see things the way they are and when you're
a long-term alcoholic, imagine some people 20 years, they've never seen reality the way it is.
And when they first see it, it's life-altering.
When you speak about that fog, what is that?
I've never really dealt obviously with alcohol or things of that nature, but is it constant?
I don't know.
No, I mean, the fog is, you know, when you're drinking every day for the rest of all your
all the chemicals and all the things in your brain and your body,
you know what I mean, releasing everything and it's detoxing,
and your mind is becoming clearer, is what I'm saying.
You know, I mean, that's what the fog is.
And then one day they're like,
they'll see a butterfly land on a flower,
and they'll go, I'm being real.
And they'll go, I've never seen that before.
It's almost like the videos of,
have you seen where people are colorblind
and they get the color glassy?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's that.
Interesting.
It's exact that.
You've done with the serious?
That was cool.
I like that.
Do you have a friend?
Is that why you're asking?
No.
No, I was just interested.
He doesn't want to talk about himself, so he reversed.
It's fine.
I'll talk about me.
Sobert.
All right.
So let's talk about the reality show you're on.
Okay.
What's it called?
It's called Inside USA.
Inside USA.
KSI did it.
Yeah, so it was their production company, put it on.
But KSA on the show?
He hosted a couple of things.
Yeah, yeah.
I love him.
He's great.
Yeah.
I didn't move with it once.
And so what is the show problem?
I don't know much about it.
So 12 internet and regular celebrities.
I don't know, Dwight Howard was on it, so that's why I say regular celebrities.
Yeah, yeah.
We're all in a house together that's kind of similar to a jail where we're stripped away of all the necessities.
Like there's no couch cushions.
There's nothing to do.
Like, there's no games.
If food, we were served like rice.
like this much rice and like eight beans for lunch and dinner.
And in the morning, it was oatmeal, no sugar, no salt, but just like slop.
But if you wanted...
How many days?
Seven.
Oh, my God.
Imagine.
But I lost 15 pounds in there.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, yeah.
But if you wanted a meal upgrade, so a burger or something, it would cost, say, $5,000.
So there's one winner, and there's a million dollars in the prize pool.
But any time I wanted a meal upgrade or I wanted to go buy a game at quarter,
Hornhole to have fun, it would come out of everyone's prize fund.
Oh, wow.
So then you get mad.
Did you invest in that prize fund?
Was it the show money?
It was show money.
So a million dollars.
Wow.
Yeah.
And then you get mad because we had somebody spend $200,000 in a day.
Who?
Her name was Bree.
And she did it because we could buy immunity.
What's her last name?
Duncan or Bree?
Anyway.
I don't know.
Yeah.
But so you could buy immunity one day.
and whoever spent the most on immunity
and the next challenge.
That's her?
Yeah.
Wow.
She seems like she said $200,000.
But here was the, like, play the game
however you want to play the game,
but it was only for one immunity.
So I was interested in, it's like,
I feel like she put a target on her back
for the next challenge.
Hmm.
Then she got out, you know, immediately after that.
Oh, so you get delimited.
Yeah, so we would do eliminations.
And people would vote them out.
It was either voting,
or there was like a random whatever.
Have you ever had sketch on the podcast?
Yeah.
Bad friends.
Sketch is hilarious,
but he was in there with me.
He sketches the best.
He was my favorite on the show by far.
Yeah.
And so how far did you like?
Can you say?
Is the show out?
The show has it been out for a while?
Give Zach Justice a Rona.
Oh, no, no, no.
Oh, yeah.
Watch it.
Oh, no, no.
Oh, no.
So he has a podcast called The Lunch Table.
and Jules is a regular on the show.
She's big time.
She's big time.
Wow.
Incredible.
How's it been there, Jules?
What do you think of Zach?
After all this time now, spending with him.
He's really nice.
Yeah.
And I feel just really...
Are you a little emotional right now?
Oh, okay.
She didn't have her head.
She went on.
She couldn't hear it.
No, I was listening, but it's really nice.
Like, I feel...
I don't know.
He's more, I don't know
I just feel really comfortable with him
And like the other go-host Skyler and Ava
It's just fun to be there
It's a fun family environment
Yeah
So this is not the show that I did
No this is, so we just started this one
Okay
Yeah
Anyway funny I've never been asked to be on it
Brother, you won't text me back
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
And then Jaime will
be on this show. Yeah, Jaime, you gotta
get on this one, dude. Oh, there's KSI.
You scroll down a little bit. We should do
and Bobby, we gotta get
you on one. Jaime, you gotta get on this show. How about
Jaime and Bobby and girls have to choose between Highlight
I'm all in. Oh, the pop the bubble
thing? Pop the balloon. I'm not doing that.
You gotta do it. I can't do it.
I can't do it. No, no, but versus Jaime.
It'd be so funny. I cannot do it. I cannot do it.
You do different versions, right? Yeah, there's like one
where I have like a dating coach, you can come in as my dating coach.
That one's fun.
Anyway, give us a round of applause, everybody.
Thank you us.
Thanks, guys.
