TigerBelly - Zach Justice's Date with Jules

Episode Date: December 10, 2025

Chaos arrives early as comedian Zach Justice returns.  LAST CHANCE FOR NEW MERCH Join the loyalty program for renters at www.joinbilt.com/belly  It’s the most exciting time of yea...r! Holidays on the House is back on DraftKings Casino. Celebrate the season with a FREE chance at FIVE THOUSAND in Credits with Daily Rewards Rocket! Log in, launch your rocket three times daily, and land rewards like Credits, Crowns, Spins, and more! Use your rewards to play thousands of casino games—everything from fan favorite slots to classic table games. Join the daily festivities on DraftKings Casino! In Partnership with DraftKings Casino. The Crown is Yours. For simple, online access to personalized and affordable care for Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit www.hims.com/belly

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Tiger Belly merch! Tiger Belly! Merch! Tiger Belly! Merge, man! Yeah, guys, we have Tiger Belly. These are my favorite shirts that they're clean. Look at the back, Tiger Belly, 10 years of chaos. Nesotso's since day one.
Starting point is 00:00:15 And Shadow Play down here. There's a lot of little Easter eggs too. Like this one can say, can I defend myself? Something you say often, and this one says shadow play? Shadow play, dude. Check it out. And then we have the cool hats, dude. I love those hats.
Starting point is 00:00:26 Ten years of Tiger Belly right there. Nassauauceau's papaya. Comes with four pens. It's dope, dude. It's energetic. It's lively, and it's in the moment. Guys, you can find that at Slepkingdom.com. If you were an OG Tiger Belly fan or a new fan, this is our official 10 years. 10 years of doing this podcast merch. Go grab it now. Get it now, man. Hey, everybody. Bobby Lee here. And I'm very excited because I'm shooting my first special for Hulu. And it's going to be at San Diego, California, January 16th, 2006, January 17th. January 17th.
Starting point is 00:01:00 2016 and it's at the San Diego Balboa Theater and the tickets are on sale now and come check it out I'd love to see you there and I'm super excited
Starting point is 00:01:09 and we're all going to be there support Papa Papa Tito Bobby Youhoo You've never done that before You never No
Starting point is 00:01:41 Don't look at me You could look Bolae Yeah Yeah Yeah yeah Yeah It's Jamie
Starting point is 00:01:51 Okay It's Jaime Just say you're You're shaped like No I'm just I'm just I'm like
Starting point is 00:01:55 You're like You're like It's Hyman It's Hyman It's Hyman It's Hyman It's Hyman But
Starting point is 00:01:59 Okay I was like Hyman is a wild I think I call someone Thank you Thank you Thank you
Starting point is 00:02:03 Thank you So Justice Kind of gay I'm not. No, not, not, not. Christian? Christian.
Starting point is 00:02:25 Okay, ready? One, two, let's go Christian. Stand. Justice believes in Jesus. Christ. Wow. Okay. What direction we're going to go with the song?
Starting point is 00:02:41 Because I'm a little confused here. 70s funk, Black Panther. No, we're doing this tune. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't do 70s funk? Yeah, I can't do something as funk. Anyway, um, okay.
Starting point is 00:02:50 This is started? Yeah. This is started. This is started? No, we gotta give it. I thought we were in, you gotta give a, you know,
Starting point is 00:02:59 like an action or something. This is Hollywood, baby. I didn't get to say, hi, how are you guys? Okay, no. Well, I mean,
Starting point is 00:03:05 we're not on the just, Jacks, that's just a justice show. Hey, brother. Let's do ketamine after our host, come on. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:03:12 What are your guys's names? I don't want to be weird. Karina. Karina. Carina. Yeah. Very cool. And we just met.
Starting point is 00:03:19 What was your name again? Nila. Karina is Jaime's roommate. Yeah, yeah. Why is he writing? Oh, he takes notes. He does haikus. What are you talking about?
Starting point is 00:03:28 Yeah, yeah, yeah. When do you find... Mexico, dude. What are you talking about? Yeah. They love haikus over there. Do you like Mexicans? Wait, wait for the answer?
Starting point is 00:03:36 This is my first... But do you like them? Be honest, man. Be honest. When they're over there, it's fine. They're good people when they're over there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Over there, where's over there?
Starting point is 00:03:47 Mexico. Oh, I thought you... Oh, no, no, no. I, uh, I'm... I'm all in on you guys. There's a couple others that I'm a little out on. Yeah, yeah. Filipino.
Starting point is 00:03:56 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Based on Jules. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think you're into them. Yeah. We'll get into it. Jules and I went on a date the other day. No.
Starting point is 00:04:04 Does that bother you? It bothers me so badly. What do you mean? She's a little person. She's young. They're in the same decade. How old are you, Zach? I just turned 30.
Starting point is 00:04:15 So watch your mouth. And she's, what, 24? Yeah. That works out in my life. No. Stay with 20. Okay, what have you been staying with? Let's talk to 35. 35! Yeah, 35! Let's get into it. Yeah. You're the Leonardo and a cavern. Sing it. No, sing it, dude. What? Intro. Welcome to the show.
Starting point is 00:04:37 A Mexican guy. Yeah, yeah. Whoa, dude. Asian on the keys. Yeah, there we go. Jules on her knees. Oh! That's his daughter. Oh, that's my daughter, dude. No, it's not. It's your ex is something. Yeah, yeah, but I raised her. I'll rip your eyes out, Whitey.
Starting point is 00:05:03 Okay. Well, I... You want your eyes gouged out, Whitey? Yeah, say one more thing. I'm sorry for... Say one more thing, dude. I'm gonna... Oh, you think you're superior?
Starting point is 00:05:13 It's 2025. I'm gonna get the thin as spider web I can and blind you, dude. Oh, wow. You want to go racial there? Let me just say. You keep asking what people's fucking names are. He's confusing. Your ears are slanty.
Starting point is 00:05:28 Your ears are slanty. You have reverse Asian. All right. Don't put that on me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not anything. I'm whatever you guys are. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:36 Did you sneak in here? Were you like... In the house? Yeah. You were like, no, he's one of us. Yeah, yeah. Dude, he's an American citizen. What do you're talking about?
Starting point is 00:05:46 Yeah, you're... He'll rip you apart. Don't be careful, dude. Not Mexican. Yeah. This is the fucking... Salvadorian juggernaut is what we call him. You'll run right through you.
Starting point is 00:05:56 Don't say not Mexican, they're like Salvadorian. Okay. If you're a stone throw away, that's like me being like, oh no, I'm not Irish, I'm Scottish. Dude, if you were an X-Men, dude, you'd be a terrible power. Yeah. You know what your tower would be, power would be? What?
Starting point is 00:06:11 You get really angry, right? And only your anus turns to animantian steel. What did I tell you about enunciating? I told you we're going to start. We're going to start doing it and doing it often. Give me the line over again. Okay. You're an X-Men and you hit a power.
Starting point is 00:06:26 When you get angry, your asshole will turn into Adamantean steel. Thank you. What's my power? When your Mexican friends doesn't even write it down, that's who you know it's not good. What would you be your power if you're an X-Men? Me? Yeah, yeah. I'll get really mad.
Starting point is 00:06:39 Yeah. It's always mad, yeah. Yeah, yeah. We're always mad at something. Yeah. And my fist will be steel. No. Oh.
Starting point is 00:06:48 I already know what it is. What is it then? Forchata squirts out your nipples. Oh, okay. Not really a power, but it's refreshing when you're around other X-Men. What's like a low-tier, like convenient power that you would want? Because I was watching a movie in there like, oh, a sick one would be after the beach, you could say sand off. And then all the sand would be off of you. What's a low kind of hanging fruit?
Starting point is 00:07:11 Oh, here we go. That's good. Thank you. It bothers you every day through life. I get the exercise. I'm trying to buy you some time. Huh? I know.
Starting point is 00:07:22 Because that's quick, man. That's really... But the sand thing wasn't yours. You come up with a new one. Don't, yeah, but don't throw to my... I brought up a topic and he's like, well, you didn't come up with that. Yeah, sorry, I'm coming up with material.
Starting point is 00:07:35 First of all, let's start with minorities because we never do. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So what would be your inconvenient? Like a low tier? That's why I had his way. What did you say? Do you...
Starting point is 00:07:44 Okay, how much... I got one. You guys get off on taxes back on here? No, I got one. Okay, well. Right. dried rice turns into ready to eat rice
Starting point is 00:07:52 instantaneously. It's just it's like... That's not a good one. It's just cooking rice. No, but you don't cook it, you just look at it and then now it's cooked. Oh, I see. That's what I mean. That is nice. Yeah, it's nice. Honestly, that's nice. Not... Because you have to put a cup of water, cup of rice,
Starting point is 00:08:06 then you're going to add a little bit more wine. It's the whole process. Well, for us, it's coffee, but for you guys... Yeah, yeah. So you get instant coffee. Yeah, yeah. Um... We drink coffee, too. We drink coffee too. Chill out, dude. We drink coffee, too! I'm...
Starting point is 00:08:18 Asking him. I'm being everyone in the group. All right. What would yours be, sir? Hortadebilt. No. No, no, no. And again, so off camera, I thought everyone was calling him Hymann, but your real name is what?
Starting point is 00:08:30 Jaime. Okay. So I thought you guys made like a joke. Like, he's never going to break once. We'll call him Hyman. And I thought that was rude. And I was going to combat them for you. But since that wasn't the case, now I was not talking about it, you know?
Starting point is 00:08:43 That wasn't even the case. I like how you, you like, you dis me and look to your boys like this. idiot dude or like I guess they're on my side yeah I don't doubt it but anyway
Starting point is 00:08:55 what would be your if you had an individual but simple like that yeah so go ahead what what I just did like every day you know what
Starting point is 00:09:05 like a deck of cards what can you just pick them up like Gambit like he throws the cards but no that's a power power yeah but that'll be the reverse guy I'd be like okay
Starting point is 00:09:16 pick up the cards how but how often often is that an inconvenience in your life? Yeah, yeah. Because the moment you have that power and you do it once you, like, I wish it would have picked any other power. Yeah. Instant rice, phenomenal.
Starting point is 00:09:28 Okay? And I don't like giving him his flowers. Yeah, yeah. Because he'll put it, like, in his tea and then like, you know what I mean? But for you. You can't say instantly refripe beans either. I wasn't going. Okay, but just don't do that.
Starting point is 00:09:39 Okay. Because I already did a food thing. Make some good guacamole. No, no, not a food thing. No, no, not a food thing. Yeah, yeah. Come up with something that's an inconvenience. You look genuinely stumped.
Starting point is 00:09:49 Yeah, yeah. Like, I'm trying to think. That's why. Maybe clothes always clean. God. Anytime you put them on there, instantly clean. Oh, read a good book. Okay.
Starting point is 00:09:59 These are things you can just already do. Oh, oh, my dad. Oh, no, I get it. You look at a book and you almost instantly know what the whole book's about. Like, you read it. No, he didn't. That was not what you're thinking. I know, but I'm trying to help.
Starting point is 00:10:12 Yeah, yeah, I'm going to help him. Okay. That's not bad. That's not bad. So you want to be a, I don't. that you'll be able to comprehend it once you even do that. Okay, understand a good book. Understand a good book and understand it.
Starting point is 00:10:26 Yeah. Yeah. Wow. So if you wrote, if you instantly read Mind Conf, you'd be like, I understand Hitler. No, more like if I wrote the art of war and I understood it. You know what, like when you're little and you say, like, what do you want to be when you get older? You're like, I'm just going to keep doing what I'm always been doing, getting bullied. But now you get paid for it.
Starting point is 00:10:50 Is that how it works? Oh, yes. Were you bullied? No, he gets bullied here. No, but are you assuming, Zach, that he was bullied in his life? I have a context clue, cowboy. I picked up on it. Okay, go ahead.
Starting point is 00:11:04 Were you bullied? In school, yeah. Okay. Well, then you're right, Zach. Not by, like, a Korean, but like other Mexicans and black people. Wow. Sounds like we were pretty nice. to you.
Starting point is 00:11:16 The white people, yeah. Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What are your favorite thing about the Watts? The whites? Yeah. I like how you can rock
Starting point is 00:11:23 camo and everything. You guys can rock ammo. Yeah, it looks good. Yeah, it looks pretty good. Yeah, anything else? Nice mashed potatoes. Really good. Honestly, dude.
Starting point is 00:11:36 Yeah. All the variations of mashed potato you've done over the years? Bacon. Have been incredible. Once we invented Idaho, it was over for all.
Starting point is 00:11:44 Let's name them. All the potatoes. Pater tots. That's white. Brother. Brother, brother, beautiful. But no, I'm saying this is how far this.
Starting point is 00:11:52 Because last time on the podcast, you baked it. We had things to talk about. He just said, let's name all the different types of potatoes. Like, I'm just, okay. I'm doing temperature. No, what whites have you done with the potato? Oh, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:03 It's remarkable. Thank you. Yeah, we've done baked. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm willing to rank. Would you go, what would you go on top? French fries. French fries, you do.
Starting point is 00:12:13 But I think the French did that, no? No, no. No, there's a comment. The Belgians did that if we looked that up. I think. All right. Well, so you can't claim. Well, but they are white. They're whites. This is white. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So you get that. Thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For ice. Yeah. Would we go mashed potatoes second? No.
Starting point is 00:12:31 Loaded mashed potatoes. No, my number one would be, for me, can I have my list? I mean, it's going to involve a lot of side stuff, but yeah. You know what, dude? Your tone right now, I don't like it. You're saying it's going to be, it's still going to be, there's still going to be sobi and like fish eggs. Is that what you're saying? He meant ponchan.
Starting point is 00:12:49 Oh, Ponchan. Yeah, he meant Ponchan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Korean sides. No. I feel like I was being disrespectful, so I... Oh. I can do it back, bud.
Starting point is 00:13:00 I can do this one, too. Oh, my brother. I've seen that one. I've seen that one. So... But anyway, I like... Baked is my number one. Okay, that's with...
Starting point is 00:13:11 Very cool. Yeah, with bacon, sour cream, cheddar cheese. d'ives. Exactly. Yeah. Mui Bueno, as your people would say.
Starting point is 00:13:22 We don't say that? You don't say Mui Buelo? No, not to... Anything like that. What's the context of what Mui Beno you would use Mui Beno? She's like, what the fuck are you talking? What are you talking about?
Starting point is 00:13:36 K'Bien. What? KBien. KBien. So you've never said Mui Beno. No. What does Mui Bono mean? That's a white people thing.
Starting point is 00:13:45 But he's a... Does it make sense? Very good, right? Is that what it means? Yeah. I've never heard anybody say that. Oh, my God. That's insane, dude. Only American. Well, that's grammatically incorrect.
Starting point is 00:13:58 Okay, well, there we... Okay, tell me. Educate me. Well, it's... Why is the white guy educating? We have a Hispanic here. If you're going to answer a question, you say, Muibien, not Muibueno.
Starting point is 00:14:06 So, Muio... Bueno is like an American white thing. And that's my bad, and I'm getting correct, and I apologize. So what is the right to a term? Moibu bien. Moving in. Moving in. Can I...
Starting point is 00:14:18 I am so interested in you. That's why he's here. What is the... I know you're not. You found him, but what's the genesis of you becoming... Or you becoming here, becoming friends with everybody?
Starting point is 00:14:30 Well, you know, have you heard of the Alamariachi? I actually haven't. You haven't? No, I apologize. Okay. And I'm sure that's a reference where... Well, tell them what...
Starting point is 00:14:40 Oh, my Amariachi. Is that like MS-13? No, man. Yeah, well, that's part of the story. And Elma Raiachi, a member from the MS-13, and a chupacabra, got together at a bar. I thought like Nacho Libre in Iraq had sex. Yeah, well, there was a wrestler involved. Okay.
Starting point is 00:14:59 Hispanic wrestler. Thank you. All right. All four of them had sex. Wow. Right? And one of them farted. Let me just say, no, you don't give me a bit anymore.
Starting point is 00:15:10 How did you get this group? I was like, he's about to go in a long bit. I was going to a long bed, dude. Yeah, I know. He was about to. go down or Ray Mysterio A little fart came out, right?
Starting point is 00:15:20 And a little bean came out with the fart. You know, as one does sometimes when you do a fart. Oh, the residue comes out. Right? So a little bean came out. There's a little common in it too. But that's fine. And that's to do with your birth. Right? And one of
Starting point is 00:15:35 the, the wrestler was, eh, I'm going to dick this home. Right? Because it came out of the El Mariachi's butthole. Right? And he planted... You guys need to stand up. He planted a... You guys need to stand up when things like this happen. We let it ride.
Starting point is 00:15:49 Why do you let it ride? Because you're trying to clock out. Clock and clock out. No, you need to perform at your job. When he's doing the fart bean. For 10 years, he watered this bin. For 10 years, he watered this bin. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:08 Very cool, dude. How did he find you? I'm a stand-up comedian. Okay. He just sold out the ice house. Okay, that was a long time ago. well not a long time ago but yeah I was just a denim comedian
Starting point is 00:16:20 saw me no that's not how I met you well what story do you want to tell him the bean or do do do I was I was how you were born I guess we're past that okay well so let's finish with the beans if we may yeah yeah yeah
Starting point is 00:16:37 Zach loves this yeah yeah so what is it Arikari give me one yeah so the what the fuck are you doing right now dude what am I doing fart bean don't tell me what I'm doing. Some people are born different, dude. I want to
Starting point is 00:16:51 know. The water them for 10 years, right? And something sprouted. And how do me take over the story? And then I was from an AI, and then I did comment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, what the wrestler did was, you know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:17:08 He took the sprout of the bean, right? He AIed it. This is back in the day when AI wasn't even a thing. This feels like DMT. Like if someone had to Just be like, no, that's what it's now. The real, I don't know who his origin. I was lying.
Starting point is 00:17:25 And I mean this. I've punched for so much less. I know. I want you to punch me right now. See what happens. Yeah, yeah. You'd have to get thick bowing the back to come jump in. Look at this cuck.
Starting point is 00:17:39 What's up, cuckie? Punch me in the face. That's like an ants looking up at Goliath. With your beaver teeth. I don't, I don't, I don't, yeah, yeah, you're a beaver. actually I went to the dentist recently and he told me my teeth are too small for my face so suck it and he said it looked and he said I need veneers but I think he was just trying to upsell me hopefully yeah he walked in the door and he just looked at me and he goes yeah yeah too small for your
Starting point is 00:18:02 face and I'm like what he's like your teeth they're just too small they are too small for your face let me see your chompers they are nice did you have uh did you have braces? that did that's beautiful like a true American when did you come to the U.S. I was born here. Like you. 1971, Sharps Hospital. Oh my God.
Starting point is 00:18:23 San Diego. What was, I came from a little. Did they put out the old test, or the new testament by then, or was it just, you got to have the old testament? What happened was at the hospital
Starting point is 00:18:32 they planted a little rice kernel. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Where's Jules? That's me. She's on her way.
Starting point is 00:18:41 Look at the screen. I don't, is that you the dad that you don't like, but you talk about it a lot and cry? I love my dad. What are you talking about? What are you doing right now? I'm calling Jules.
Starting point is 00:18:50 She's not coming. Yes, she is. No, yeah. Why do you need her help? Because she needs to see this. Okay. Zach got nervous. About what?
Starting point is 00:19:00 Your Asian father? No. My alpha male energy. I like how you looked around the room. Where are you? Yeah. She hung up on. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:14 My alpha male energy. That means she's close. She's close. Yeah. Are you with anyone? No, man. If you're paying rent, you gotta use Built. E-I-L-T.
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Starting point is 00:19:48 Yeah, yeah. And when you pay rent through Build, Jaime, You unlock access to exclusive benefits from a network of more than 45,000 merchants. Oh, my God. Just link your credit card. Lent your credit cards. Spend at your favorite local spots. Earned points on top of your regular card rewards and get one step closer to that trip you wanted to take.
Starting point is 00:20:08 What would you redeem your points for, Bobby? I'd probably go to Mazatlond. Why is that? It's somewhere in Mexico. I'm asking. Yeah, yeah, yeah, because I like ancient ruins. I love ancient ruins. Oh, okay, yeah, yeah.
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Starting point is 00:21:37 21 plus physically present in Connecticut, Michigan, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, West Virginia only, void in Ontario. Eligibility restrictions apply. No purchase necessary. Three launches per day for rewards. launches expire each day at 1159 p.m. Eastern Time non-witrawable rewards and amounts vary per launch and are subject to game and expiration limits. Terms at casino.draftkings.com slash promo sponsored by D.K. Crownholdings Inc. That means she's close. She's close. Yeah, yeah. Are you with anyone?
Starting point is 00:22:12 No, man. No man? A woman? Oh. No, like, no, man. I'm single. Oh, thank God, Jules, sit down. We're doing rice and bean bits. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But we want to talk about the date we went on another day, me and you. Bobby's not happy. He's not happy. Well, I picked him.
Starting point is 00:22:33 You picked him? Yeah. Yeah, okay. Am I like a father figure to you? I think so. Yeah, I know so. Tito Bobby. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:22:42 That's what she always said. Get the fuck up for a sec. All right? All right? I know. So I'm your Cheetah Bobby, right? right? I forbid you for dating this man again.
Starting point is 00:22:53 Because he's white? Not just that. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. There's some racism. Yeah, yeah. Have I ever been racist to you? You always call me. What? The nickname Jungle Monkey.
Starting point is 00:23:07 So this is her big bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You call her Jungle Monkey friend? I do not call her Jungle Monkey. But this is her big bit. Anytime I introduce her to someone, new. First thing out of her mouth, he calls me jungle monkey. And I will say this, my trainer is black and he walked into the podcast studio because we do a podcast together. Yeah. And he, the first thing, like,
Starting point is 00:23:30 and the term monkey around a certain demographic can really get dicey. Um, she goes, he calls me jungle monkey. And he thought we were serious. And I had that whole explanation to do. Anyway, anyway, does he really call you that? Yeah. Okay. Well, that's one reason. Yeah, that's one reason. And are you attracted to Zach? Um. Are you attracted to Zach? You already know I don't like white dicks.
Starting point is 00:24:00 I know, I know. Okay, well, I haven't shown you that. But Zach is funny and cute. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you. Okay. You guys look cute together now. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:24:08 Thank you so much. No, I mean, no, as a podcast partners, it's great. We just, it just feels right. Yeah. So we did blind dating. It was me versus a model. He was so hot. He was so hot, and she chose me.
Starting point is 00:24:21 Really? Why didn't you choose the model? Because he wasn't speaking. Oh, you need them to do. He spoke later. He spoke later. Yeah, but I don't like Australian accents. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:24:31 But was he hot? So hot. And was there a hot girl for you to date or no? There were other. No, no, she's a girl. What? She's Dora. What?
Starting point is 00:24:43 She's Dora the Explorer, Dan. She said, she said, She told me to put on my boots. That's why I got my boots. No, no, no, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. I got my boots. Yeah, yeah. Hi, hi, man.
Starting point is 00:24:53 Yeah. Hey, Joe. If you want to observe butterflies and wear a backpack, then you hang out with her. Like Dora does. The Explorer. We've eaten, we've done so many things together. We had Jolly Bee together. Oh, that's what I want to.
Starting point is 00:25:07 He hates the spaghetti. It's the worst. It is terrible. You said you loves Jollybee. When did I say that? Every time we go. Every time we go. go to the philippi why are you raising your voice dude why do you get so angry who was screaming
Starting point is 00:25:20 for us can we hi me okay thank you thank you thank you i do love that jules has no in-between voice it's either hi bobby yeah or it's you know yeah it's like one or 10 yeah can you go five no okay okay you're at one now yeah have you heard about her other dating excursions of like why she doesn't enjoy the white penis i i don't have i don't have ask her these kind of questions. You think I do? She just comes in hot and heavy. Yeah, but she doesn't she doesn't talk to me. Okay. Yeah, I do. Oh, that's sad. Hi, Tita Bobby. That's it. We saw a show last night together. Fun show. Pluribus, yeah. She has met up with two separate white men in the first time she's met these guys is in a parking lot and she's hooked up
Starting point is 00:26:06 with them. Do you not know about this? Wow. Teetababi. Why are you outing me? What are you talking about? Is this online? This is the genesis of her not liking the white species because she says the wiener is translucent. I mean, I think everyone knows it to Bobby. Yeah, yeah. I think a lot knows about it.
Starting point is 00:26:25 Okay, so you hooked up with two white guys? Yeah. At the same time. No. Oh, thank God. I thank the Lord Jesus Christ himself. All right, so. In the parking lot?
Starting point is 00:26:37 Yeah. What parking lot? No, no, no, no, don't tell him the high bar. He's not telling him the parking lot. He's riding it down. He's riding down the edgefront. He will be at that parking lot. yeah so
Starting point is 00:26:47 jerking off and it does stop that no I'm not gonna jerk off I'm gonna have my own female there you just oh female is it a human or you just like
Starting point is 00:26:57 AI bean oh my god AI bean AI bean so he's yes anding from a long time ago yeah from the last yeah yeah
Starting point is 00:27:04 and the AI improv there didn't really make any sense so yeah yeah yeah I didn't like it I don't like it you're to sunset and then
Starting point is 00:27:10 what's sunset so may I ask some questions please Okay. How recently was it? No, this was during the pandemic. Oh, yeah, I knew about those. You spoke about like it was three weeks ago and you still had dry stuff on you.
Starting point is 00:27:28 Like, what are we talking about? No, because I was traumatized. It was so pale and chancousin. And then the other guy I told you had like really like cheesy dick. Oh, that was just because I've had. I love the cheese though. I've on pizza, but not on dick. But but she said.
Starting point is 00:27:46 It was like mozzarella or whatever. What was the term you use? Was it a mound? Like how, you said you had to like... To, like, move it away to, like, clean it a little bit with my hands. No, that shouldn't be... That shouldn't happen. Because that's never happened to me.
Starting point is 00:28:02 I genuinely don't know what you mean when you say cheese. Like the thick, white thing. That's why I saw. Smegma. A natural cheese-like substance composed of... Smegles brother, smegma. I have to do a Lord of the Rings. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:28:19 Well, my guy made it out the hood like M&M, so I don't have, like, I don't have four skin. Yeah, I don't have four skin. So they had four skin. Yeah. Okay. Oh, that makes more sense. What I do is if I, if there's like a 30% chance that I'm going to hook up with somebody, I'll get on my knees. No.
Starting point is 00:28:38 No, stop. Don't say you suck yourself off. Dude, that's a crazy move. That's a crazy move. No, no, no, no. Okay. In the bathtub. right put in lukewarm water I'm all in on it I take three different body washes yeah and I scrape the taint the sack area I clean it out that's respectable I do one spray of a clone right I'm a little nervous that the taste in their mouth would then be oh here's the trick on that okay you don't put it on the shaft you put it on the pub region okay right or you lift the sack out you do a little squirt in the taint reason okay okay no no no totally respectable because it's
Starting point is 00:29:16 If you throw foreign oils and I could be completely wrong and fragrance inside the vagina, that could be, that's a UTI happen. And I'm a doctor and I'm very mindful of those. No, no, you play one on TV or at least you've been in the casting of it. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's cut to a clip. Yeah, I understand. How is the lunch table podcast going?
Starting point is 00:29:36 Really bad, downhill. Yeah, I played a doctor. Oh, you did play one in the TV. Hell yeah. In the classic animal practice. Yeah. Where do I know that actor's from this behind you? Whitley. That's Kim Whitley. Did she play The Hooker in Curb Your Enthusiasm?
Starting point is 00:29:55 Possibly. Okay. Yeah, Kim Whitley is so funny. Betsy Sedaro, Tyler Bean, and everyone else. Anyway, the monkey. Anyway, let's go back to that. Yeah, why is it just a picture of poorly Photoshop faces? So how's the podcast goes?
Starting point is 00:30:13 It's going downhill. What do you mean? No, no, it's good. Yeah. How many have you? done so far? 11, 10, 11, I don't know. Probably 20 something, 30. I've done like 50 something, but you came on.
Starting point is 00:30:25 Later. Let's bring up business. Yeah, yeah, let's bring up. Oh, you're going to pitch me that game show idea again or whatever. The game show? You pitched me an Andrew something. A board game. It was an app and it was phenomenal.
Starting point is 00:30:38 It is phenomenal. We still talk about it. No, you don't. I know. You still talk. No, I shot a pilot and I wanted you. to be in it. The director's phenomenal. And I was like, hey, do you want to come in and be this pilot of this episode that we're
Starting point is 00:30:50 shooting? Yeah. And then you're like, dude, yeah. And then I followed up, never heard from you again. I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why.
Starting point is 00:30:58 I'll tell you why. There's a respect thing that happens between our cultures that is, we're the same culture you fucked hard. No, we're not. Yeah, yeah. I feel like I'm a P-O-W back in Vietnam. I'm not, we're not, dude. Someone one-legged hopping Vietnamese, dude. Come on, dude.
Starting point is 00:31:13 Oh, you're a... Platoon reference. Platoon reference, everybody. You act like a tunnel toddler. That's what you act like. Dude, you probably could make a better trail than I can. Let's hear your excuse. All right, so I get a lot of these
Starting point is 00:31:26 from the TikTokers, you know what I mean? From TikTok hat talent, you know what I mean? Fringe. I'm kidding. You're legit. That's what you're here. I love you. So this is what I get a lot.
Starting point is 00:31:42 I'll be on a comedy store. I don't care what you get a lot. I want to know why you didn't respond. to me. Can I get to my explanations, Zach? Yeah, but anytime you go on this haiku, it's going to take me 84 years. Go ahead. You don't even know what haiku is. It's a 575.
Starting point is 00:31:55 Okay, all right. All right. Well, Intra. Get on the mic, get on the mic, please. Sit down, please. Sit down. Hi, so good to see you. Sit down. Yeah, yeah, you guys. Honey, she's like, sit down. If you don't sit down, you leave my house.
Starting point is 00:32:11 Sit down. Sit down for a second. It's so great to meet you. Hi. Yeah, hi. How are you? So that's, um, Jules's mom.
Starting point is 00:32:20 Yeah. Honey, first time ever on screen. No, you saw me in Cebu. And her, no, on, what? On the sorry.
Starting point is 00:32:28 Her store. What's the beeping? I just want to, it's the kitchen burning? I turn off everything already. It's nice to see you. It's so great to see you as well. I know.
Starting point is 00:32:36 What? What's the beeping about? I don't know what's going on. I turn off everything. Even the candles downstairs. Oh, yeah. It's a fire alarm? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:44 Okay. Okay. How is it raising Jules? She's different. She's very silent. She's silent. And you know that she's silent, right? She's never silent with me for whatever reason. Yeah, for a reason she's not silent either.
Starting point is 00:32:57 If she likes people, she's not silent. Yeah, good. She likes people. She's just screaming. What do you think? Oh, my God. She screams a lot, right? Bobby always says she.
Starting point is 00:33:05 Can I ask you a question, right? May I ask you a question? What? Do I know how to cook a rice? Classic Asian question. You're the first Asian person. I've ever met in my life. They didn't know how to cook rice.
Starting point is 00:33:18 Well, he, Gilbert doesn't know how to cook rice. I don't know. If you don't use the rice cooker, you don't know how. Yeah, he knows how to cook rice. What? She's not the first. He doesn't know how to cook anything. Anything, dude.
Starting point is 00:33:33 Is there any fun facts about you? I don't know how to cook rice. Yeah, that's fantastic. That's a fun fact. Are you, are you pretty, are you as open as Jules with, okay. Wait, what? What's she hiding? Well, she told me like a little fun game you guys play, and I was just wondering if it was...
Starting point is 00:33:50 Oh, don't be... Nothing's crazy. I know stuff. You're a meth addict? Yeah. You guys always... Still? No, no, no.
Starting point is 00:33:58 No. Oh, well, how was it? Tough. That was hard. Yeah. I mean, everybody knows it's hard. Yeah. How did you kick it?
Starting point is 00:34:09 It's great. Oh, brother. How I took it? There's certain things that you can just, you know? What do you mean? There's certain things we know. You don't have to be like, I also did meth. Okay.
Starting point is 00:34:16 Like there's some like, go ahead. Honey? Yeah. How'd you kick it? It was hard. It wasn't hard. It was fun. That was the funniest days of my life.
Starting point is 00:34:24 Of being. Yeah. It was just an experience. I mean, you can't stay. But how did you quit? I know how you quit. I was hard. It was really hard.
Starting point is 00:34:33 What happened? I was placed in rehab. Yeah. I stayed for six. I thought you were locked in a room. In a room. In a room. In a room.
Starting point is 00:34:41 Yeah. Yes. Kalila's dad. Yes. Right. Locked you in a room. I was tied. Tied to a radiator or something.
Starting point is 00:34:48 Yeah, something like that. Yeah. You're Kaila's sister. Is that? Or how is it? Adopted sister. Adopted sister. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:34:54 Yeah. That's amazing. But still family. Family, very. And very successful. She owns this store in the Philippines. Oh, wow. That's amazing.
Starting point is 00:35:01 I do really actually want to go. Yeah. Oh, so you've been on Tiger Belly if I remember that. Yes. It's her shop. Yeah. Wow. That's beautiful.
Starting point is 00:35:08 God. What a beautiful. Memories, huh? I look like Whizper She asked Jaime for permission If she could leave I just
Starting point is 00:35:16 He has no power Yeah yeah You went to the guy With the least power And asked Can I leave yet I have a Highie's really nice
Starting point is 00:35:27 Yeah I have a small question Here we go Jules said you You guys have this like prank game That you play together Where
Starting point is 00:35:37 You lift up Each other's dresses And show each other's pussy and everything. Yeah. Yeah. That's normal for everybody. Okay.
Starting point is 00:35:47 Anyway, next. What the fuck are we talking about? Okay, good, honey. My way's so nervous. Thank you for your time. Thank you, honey. Come back. Yeah, very good.
Starting point is 00:36:00 Keep no more beeping. Thank you. Well, that was uncomfortable. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, she, so her and Jules. I don't want to talk about it anymore, actually. Okay. Okay.
Starting point is 00:36:10 What is this? They scrub rub and then put each other's faces. Like that's like, that's our family joke. Yeah, sometimes mama will just like put her hand on her vagina and just let me smell it. Let me. Oh. And what does it smell? I can imagine.
Starting point is 00:36:26 It's not smelly. Yeah, yeah. Well, really? But yeah. There's no follow-ups to that. What do you mean? You were just like, what does it smell like? It wasn't like why, you know, because I had 38 questions loaded up about how do you get to a point like?
Starting point is 00:36:40 that with your dog well i believe if you and i were you know in the marines we're in the shower we had a hard day on the on the in a mission field yeah we had a mission some people died our friend clover legs blown off from my iED yours no no no i know i thought you meant you put the i ed down i did put it down yeah so it's the same thing except for them it's iudes so it's like a you know Is it IUD? I think so. Well, IUD is in the woman. I was making a, I was making a IUD.
Starting point is 00:37:17 I was attempting a joke. You're right, it's IED. It's IED. No, I know, but an IUD is what women, it's a birth control thing, and I was making a joke. It didn't work. Well, yeah, because who I was talking to is retarded, dude.
Starting point is 00:37:33 You want me to promote this? Yeah, no, no, no, no, it's promoted. Okay. Anyway, Marines, let's move on from that. Anyway, we're in the shower. If I rub my penis and I would hate it. I know, but you would do it. I would hate it too if you did it, but I would smell it.
Starting point is 00:37:50 No, I wouldn't smell it. What about with your dad's? I've never even seen my dad's genitals. Same. Yeah, yeah, ever. I haven't seen my dad very much in general, though. I grew up with my mom mostly. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:02 If you were more lovable, maybe it would stay. But anyway, um. Where's your two? I know, I missed a tooth Okay If you were ever to meet your dad Would you punch him in a... I thought one of them was talking
Starting point is 00:38:17 I was cool I was like If you were ever to meet your dad Would you punch him in the penis? Uh, no, I wouldn't Would you hug him? That would be a fun game to play with your dad Papa, good to see you papa
Starting point is 00:38:26 And hug him And now I would just be like How do you throw a curve ball, dude Please God teach me What about you and your family? You have one? Yeah, I punched my dad in the penis Did you?
Starting point is 00:38:34 That's a fun game It's kind of the same thing as hers But I don't see my dad's penis I just punch it I mean what's going on I just mean this in the most respectable way I can see you walking down the street and just trying a rock
Starting point is 00:38:49 just being like no okay you can't eat it but it looked good oh he's tried many things yeah what's the what's the strangest thing you've tried the rock good improv dude really good improv you're supposed to add information
Starting point is 00:39:05 to come up with something else ask him again maybe it's just a true story ask them again So if you're, what's the craziest thing you've done? Of eating grass. In the fifth grade. Okay. That's good.
Starting point is 00:39:16 What about worms? Like how to eat, how to fry worms or what? How to fight worms? Eat worms. How to fry them? Like the book? You can fry them, yeah. Yeah, you've seen the book, right?
Starting point is 00:39:26 Have you tried it? I've seen the book, but I didn't read it. Yeah, I know. You just saw a cover one time. You're like, I want to reference this on a podcast I shouldn't be on. Yeah. Hell yeah, I do. How to eat fried worms?
Starting point is 00:39:37 You haven't said one thing right In 10 seconds Say one thing right Because you're driving me crazy Okay What do you want me say What do you want me say dude Say all that again
Starting point is 00:39:48 But right Was your SAT score Higher than the numbered pencil You used to write it with I'm against SATs Okay Okay Okay
Starting point is 00:39:57 Why? He's against them dude Yeah We don't talk about politics You're vehemly against them Yeah Okay It's like
Starting point is 00:40:04 I don't believe in corporations I wonder you would score on an SAT. M. Em, M. Oh, yeah. M's offers convenient access to a range of prescription to hair loss treatments with ingredients that work, including chews, oral medications, serums, and sprays. Wow. Doctor-trusted ingredients like flenesteroide and monoxide
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Starting point is 00:41:16 Individual results may vary based on studies of topical and oral monocidil and fanasteride. Featured products include compounded drug products, which the FDA does not approve or verify for safety effectiveness or quality prescription required. See website for full details, restrictions, and important safety information. I don't believe in corporations. I wonder you would score on an SAT. Give me one and then I'll... Just give them one. Just give them one.
Starting point is 00:41:45 Yeah, let's pull up some SAT questions and see if I'm me. Me? Yeah. Oh, everybody. No, not me. Okay, Austria. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not dumb, though.
Starting point is 00:41:55 You were just... English is your second language. Yeah. And you also graduated from college. That's good. That's huge. What was your degree? Okay, here we go.
Starting point is 00:42:05 Go zoom in because I can't even read. Okay, which of the following consists of all A values that satisfies the given system of inequalities? Go ahead. No common degree. You go first. Step up. Let me see A. Work it out.
Starting point is 00:42:23 Plus four. Good. I'm going to go with B. Let's see if you got it right. I'm going to go with D. I already know. What is it? We have to take the whole thing.
Starting point is 00:42:35 Oh, we're good. It was a fun bit. Good job, Jaime. You mean one math guy. You guys are idiots. What is it? Oh, it was a. It was?
Starting point is 00:42:45 Yeah. Okay. All right. Was it? Wow. Oh, okay. I looked at you. You're my beacon of white hope.
Starting point is 00:42:52 I was just going to agree with you. Yeah. I'm glad you guys are in better spirit. It's last time I was here you guys were yelling at each other. They always yelled at each other. No, we weren't. You two were over a text exchange. And I think you were right.
Starting point is 00:43:04 Yeah, yeah, yeah. What was the text that changed about? I'm sorry, I don't want to revisit. I'm trying to remember. It was about Zach, though, right? I don't think it was about me. I think it was about, I thought someone else was coming. Oh, yeah, and you're mad that it was me.
Starting point is 00:43:19 Graham Stephan. That ain't good, brother, man. Yeah, yeah. But then I was joyful. I'm a big fan. Of old boy? No, you. Oh.
Starting point is 00:43:31 No, you're not. I really am. If you texted some, okay. Oh, yeah, let's go back to that. What happened to the movie? Oh, with the movie. Let's go back to that. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:43:39 I mean, we went on a Jaime tangent. I just, you know, when we were going on high many times, I get confused. So here's the deal, okay? Okay. I get offers from people are like, like, I'll give you an example. Harland, Williams has another movie. Who's that? You don't know Harlem, women?
Starting point is 00:43:56 Okay, well, then that's insane. We were going to potentially, I was, I'm not done. Let me finish my fucking thing, dude. All right? So Harlan's is like. Never lets you finish. So Harlan's like, hey, buddy. buddy what's up Sarah Silverman that's what he calls me and I go what's up he goes I have another
Starting point is 00:44:12 movie I want you to be in I go all right well call my agent right and then my agent will call me and tell me what the offer is because it's business it's business right and it's like when I do it directly then it's like then I got to call my agent yeah yeah you know what I mean so just do it the correct way and I'll do it yeah just give me the contact of your agent or it's it's googleable you text it back yeah I'm in then you call CAA and then you go, hey, Bobby said he was in on this project. Here's the offer, this and that. And then my agent will go.
Starting point is 00:44:46 I'm not doing the movie with you and Anna Farris anymore then. Why? Oh, that one struck a chord, didn't it? You know about that film, huh? Yeah. You're excited about that one because you're playing the main character. It's my movie. I've read it.
Starting point is 00:45:00 You don't like it? I love it. Yeah. I wanted to play your roommates. I thought it would be a really funny dynamic. And they'd be fun too. Okay. Now you're out.
Starting point is 00:45:06 I don't care. I'll get Seth Green. Seth Green. Not even comparable. Right. Here's a thing. But if that movie won't, you know,
Starting point is 00:45:17 we get the funding for that movie, right? Who's your agent? UTA. Right. We'll call UTA and go, can Zach do this moment? This is the...
Starting point is 00:45:25 But I handle everything kind of in... What? I kind of handle everything in turn. That's not how I do it. Well, you should. It's business. No, I shouldn't.
Starting point is 00:45:31 When it comes to film and television now. Well, you're just moving, maybe you're moving a little too slow. Maybe I'm like on the fast track and I'm ready to get things done. Oh, excuse me, Anders Schultz.
Starting point is 00:45:40 Yeah, I mean, the future of everything. What are you talking about, Dad? Thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're welcome. But if we get to do that picture together, I think it would be dynamic. Well, I know, and I will give you the proper proposal through your agency. Okay.
Starting point is 00:45:54 Is Anna back in or? Yeah. Sweet. We don't know yet. I picked about that. No, but there are other people that call and like, now that we offer, now they have interest. Great. So there's things going back and forth.
Starting point is 00:46:08 It's in motion. Yeah. And people want to get on a moving train. What? Isn't that what? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And what?
Starting point is 00:46:16 People want to get on a moving train. On a moving train. That's a really good thing. Yeah, I don't understand it. Oh, if you ever run a train, you have, of course you want it to move. So that's true. Yeah, I got that reference. Why not plane?
Starting point is 00:46:31 Good point. Yeah, people want to be on a moving train. In my mind, you guys don't leave this, like, place. Yeah, yeah. And then I just, like, walk in. There's another one. Yeah, yeah. That's beautiful.
Starting point is 00:46:39 You can do a car. You can do other moving... Boats. Rikshah. People want to be on a moving rickshaw. Are we just naming things that move at this point? Okay, I'll get in there. Cale boat.
Starting point is 00:46:52 Boat. Yeah, exactly, dude. I love this game. Please replay it because I said that four seconds before we did. I said sailboat. And the first thing, he goes, boat. Rock? Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:47:07 Hell yeah. You know, comedy's all about delivery. And he nailed it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I think I never had. I never had your delivery. So that's why I think I never made it. Well, because you're, no, you're, he's a character.
Starting point is 00:47:19 Yeah. You mean, like, he's like a Pauly Shore. He's just him. But which is funnier to me. I like when people are funny without meaning to. That's him. Yeah, exactly. Those are my favorite.
Starting point is 00:47:29 Those are the most funny people. Yeah. Like me, I genuinely, I try to like intellectualize too much. You're too. smart. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, this guy there's not a thought that goes to his body. You want to get on the movie? It's all nerves. It's all nerve endings. He goes, you want to get on moving train. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. See, he repeats
Starting point is 00:47:49 things, right? But there's some people that do it really well. Like, I think Theo does it really well where you can tell he's smart, but he can play like he... He dumps it down. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I got to work on that. Yeah. Do you think I do that or what? Do you think I do it or no? No. Yeah, yeah. What? Smart. You think I'm smart? Yeah. I don't know much. You're very smart. Oh, thank you.
Starting point is 00:48:10 You understand the cadence of a joke, though. I do. Yeah. I understand the structure of joke and all that stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I don't know, like, we took that quiz a while back, and I don't know factual things like. A fifth grader quiz.
Starting point is 00:48:25 Like, a fifth grader quiz. That's fine. What do you need to know that for? What's the biggest planet in our galaxy? Yeah, like, I don't want to know. Or solar system, I don't know. What are people think I'm going to be hanging out with these guys? Like, I got to fit in, no, dude.
Starting point is 00:48:35 I want to hang out with those fifth graders. What are your feelings about AI Atlas? Didn't it just break apart into three parts? And then like the tails are in such a way where it would be some type of forward force. And it's not melting in the way that it should as approaches the sun. It's very interesting.
Starting point is 00:48:56 But it's going a different direction. It's not heading toward Earth. So that gives me like it's not an alien. Well, why not? Because you would think that like, you know, mean, intellectual, you know,
Starting point is 00:49:08 I mean, a species that's flying through our galaxy or our solar system is going to go, holy shit, there's a planet here with beings that
Starting point is 00:49:18 let's visit it. Or maybe they're low on whatever energy they need and they're going to the biggest source. Because like if we're passing by an ant hill, but we need oil for our cars,
Starting point is 00:49:29 we're going to go to where the oil is. Maybe they need to capture the sun's energy to take it back to their planet and they're not worried about a lower species like us. you know. Why do you downplay human race? We're not a lower species. Well, some of us.
Starting point is 00:49:44 Don't look at them. No. You're the highest of all species. I love you so much. We're definitely a lower species if they figured out a way to intergalactic travel. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:49:54 But it's not going light speed, too. You would think that an intergalactic you know what I mean? Spacecraft would go light speed. I don't think we can conceptualize how to think about it if they've done it. There's no way for us to know
Starting point is 00:50:06 what's right you know what the three eye atlas is yeah what is i would i would volunteer to save the kids you're like you would violent if oh so that's an interesting question what you're saying is this if like um close encounters of the third kind one of the greatest who's seen it raise your hand okay no one is up it's a spilberg movie yeah i i haven't seen it's incredible i've heard it's good yeah yeah she doesn't want a space i'd see i also haven't seen and I feel really bad. Masterpiece. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:38 I heard it's really good. But in Close Encounters of the third kind, if you haven't seen it, an alien race comes to Earth and all the scientists and all the important people, right, get together, and they get all the mathematicians
Starting point is 00:50:53 and all the people together and they're trying to figure out how to communicate with this thing. Meanwhile, the spacecraft is only giving out a song, like a town, which is, nah,
Starting point is 00:51:03 na, na, na, na, you've heard. that, right? Yeah. Where? A nursery rhyme? That's not a nursery rhyme. No, no, no,
Starting point is 00:51:13 no, no, no. Star Wars? No, it's fucking close encounters of their kind. Oh, yeah, yeah. So this is similar to a rival. I've seen a rival. It's, so what happens is, but people on planet Earth,
Starting point is 00:51:28 just regular people, some of them get an instinct to go where the spacecraft is. They don't know why they want to go. go right but they get they dream about because the spacecraft is on this mountain hill right it's like a mountain so like um so um what's his name um Steven Spielberg no no no the lead act
Starting point is 00:51:47 Richard Dreyfus Richard Dreyfus you know what I mean he takes a bunch of soil from the backyard and he makes this mountain inside his living room do you remember and his wife is go what the fuck are you doing because I don't know I'm obsessed with this right and he sees it in the news and he just and just random people
Starting point is 00:52:05 just start getting out of their house and going there. Describing movies is kind of like describing a dream that you had to someone where you're like trying to be like, yeah. Yeah. Do you get it what I'm saying? Right? And so then when they get there, the end of them, it's been,
Starting point is 00:52:19 the movie's been out for 50 years. Well, no, spoiler. Yeah, yeah. Spoiler. So when they show up there, right, all the scientists and all the people are standing in front of the thing because when the aliens come out, but also the people that wandered in there
Starting point is 00:52:33 kind of snuck in there too. and the aliens walk out of their ship and they grab, touch the hands of the people that, you know what I mean? They touched. That's cool. And they all get on the ship. Where'd they go?
Starting point is 00:52:47 That's the thing. There's no fucking close encounters too. We don't know where they went. I think it's a beautiful movie. I think my sci-fi is a little bit closer to home. Like, I'll watch movies like her. Have you seen her? Love it.
Starting point is 00:52:59 Like that's one of my favorite movies, but it just feels like that's definitely going to be in a year, maybe two years. I mean, so many people are falling in love with their AI bots now. Or have you seen Blade Runner 2049? Yeah, I loved it. Or Anadhaermus is just like a hologram. Yeah, I loved it.
Starting point is 00:53:15 I signed it up. Is your crush, right? Just put the hologram version is my crush. Like, that's what I want. Wait, wait, wait, so let me get this straight friend. This is a Japanese woman who got married to her AI she made of an anime character. Okay, I'm not there yet. Okay.
Starting point is 00:53:34 Yeah, yeah. So she had someone filling as him to put it on. The finger isn't. Yeah. This is not as bad as the girl. She married the Ferris wheel. Oh. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:53:44 Yeah, yeah. That's her husband. Wow. He's hot. He's hot. He's hot. He's hot. He's hot.
Starting point is 00:53:49 He's hot. He's hot. He's hot. Yeah. But I guess at what point, do you think it'll ever be okay? Let me think about that. If there was, if I can designer, my AI companion.
Starting point is 00:54:04 Yeah. In a factory. You know, I would spend some time and what that. You know what I mean? And if they had, what's going on, guys? Nothing. You don't know. What is going on?
Starting point is 00:54:15 Me? Yeah, what are you doing? She was looking at my notes. I wasn't. Yeah, yeah. Hey, why can't we have a, like, an alien movie like E.T. Come in real life. Remember E.T?
Starting point is 00:54:26 I was just thinking about Spielberg, that guy. Oh, was something with aliens. Right? Him and that George Lucas guy. I thought he was going to say George Lopez I really thought he was going to say that E-T, remember that movie? Yoda was in it.
Starting point is 00:54:44 Do we, we were, no. Yoda? We were on the brink of probably the most intellectual conversation to ever be had on the podcast. And then he storms in off the top rope and just pile drives.
Starting point is 00:54:58 And now, guess what? We have to now acknowledge it. that's a sad bar Hold on You're talking about Stephen Spielberg So he made E.T. too Moments so long ago
Starting point is 00:55:10 Yeah But the whole thing is Yoda's in E.T. Yeah Look it up. You always have it in Yoda E.T. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what, but your question was
Starting point is 00:55:20 What if E.T. was real? Yeah, let's make that a real thing. Okay, okay. Instead of the close encounters to third kind. So you want that to be real? It's a different movie.
Starting point is 00:55:31 Those are two different movies. Look up E.T. They're just two photos spliced together. No, look it up. Yeah. I've seen E.E. Yeah, I do one. Yoda, E.T. and Jane Goodall.
Starting point is 00:55:42 No, no, no, no. If we're going to do it, let's do it. No, look up Yoda. Coco the gorilla. Just put Cocoa the gorilla in there. What are we doing here, dude? No, Yoda's in E.T. I've seen that movie so many times.
Starting point is 00:55:52 Okay. What? Do this. Is Yoda in the movie E.T. Shit, he is. Okay, let me see. Let me see the photo. I'm just so interested in what you're fighting for.
Starting point is 00:56:02 Yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll figure out what, yeah. Oh, yeah, he was a costume. Yeah, some kid in a Halloween costume was... But that's a little Easter egg. That looks like Oxford. Where was that film? This whole interruption. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:16 I love E.T. Yeah, so technically you're right. Yeah, so you want E.T to be real. Why do you want it to be real? Yeah, what was your pitch? I don't know, just a kid being friends with alien, that's pretty cool. Like, Mac in me? You said, but no, no, no, no, no.
Starting point is 00:56:32 I need to break this down because you said, why don't we make that real? And then you kind of got mad that... To understand it? I don't understand it. Yeah, it's a dead end. Okay, you ever see Macon Me? Yeah, it was so Macon Me...
Starting point is 00:56:47 Yeah. No, I'm not bringing up... He's trying to show off all the alien movies. Well, no, Macon Me was... Macon Me was a rip-off of E.T. Yeah. Right? And Macon Me is one of the worst movies
Starting point is 00:56:58 considered ever made. There's a scene in it where there's a fucking five-minute... McDonald's commercial. Do you remember that? In Mac and Me. It should go Mac and my McDonald's. All right?
Starting point is 00:57:09 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember that. This is in a movie. Don't dance to this. Yeah, look at, they're in a McDonald's. Looks like it's in a Wendy's with that arch. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:57:23 What is happening? Why there's so much foliage that's in the movie. And it's five minutes long. I can name alien movies. No, we know, dude. Mars, attack. All right. Turn this off, look at Ronald McDonald's in it.
Starting point is 00:57:38 Yeah, yeah. Mars attacks? Yeah. That's a good one. Oh, my God, dude. I don't know what you guys are talking about anymore. I don't either. I mean, I guess we're going to...
Starting point is 00:57:46 Oh, oh, wait, no, you're saying how long... I don't want to do it on it. It isn't appropriate to date an AI. So if I'm... Okay, if... If the skin was real, right, like felt like real skin, warm. And... War, don't see...
Starting point is 00:58:00 You have to say warm. Don't have to say warm. Don't have to warm. Go off my... Girlfriend was war. Yeah, because you imagine these new Androids that they're making. So, I'm out.
Starting point is 00:58:11 Yeah, that's not real enough for me. They would have to have a body for you to consider it like, okay. A body and also the AI intelligence. Like, hello, Bobby. But when will AI and humans have their 2015 moment? Is that when the gays were allowed to marry? Oh, well, I mean, the lady just married something
Starting point is 00:58:30 that didn't exist. I think you married anything. But that's too pretty, like that's weird. is preemptive. At some point, it's going to be so, like, say there's a, like, you don't know I'm AI, but I'm in a computer, but I have like the same cadence of, yeah, I'm in. Whoa, I'm in. Yeah, I'm in at that.
Starting point is 00:58:45 If that's AI, I'm in. I'm in. Well, who's that guy? Who's that geriat? He doesn't deserve her. Yeah. Yeah, I mean. Why is it covering her?
Starting point is 00:58:52 I don't know. Sorry. Fell out. So if that's AI, I'm in. And if I had a wedding, that's another question is if I had a full-blown wedding in like Belize. right wedding in Belize everyone's got to fly out there
Starting point is 00:59:07 and I'm marrying you know I mean Ok That's her name You're pulling a him What the hell is anybody You're talking about you Yeah
Starting point is 00:59:18 I feel better I have to go to Jules for sanity But you wouldn't go to my wedding Who's burning the house again Get honey Honey What is going on here What is going on?
Starting point is 00:59:29 There's no fire she says It's just I'm sorry Zach No it's okay Take your time. It's his house. Hi, you said you had some questions
Starting point is 00:59:36 for Zach? Me? I don't know. Can I go on your show? That's, yeah, man. The Danes show? Sure. You find love.
Starting point is 00:59:45 You want to come on and pop the balloon? Yeah. Okay, sick. Oh, my. For real. That'll be hilarious. I'm being for real. I'm being for real.
Starting point is 00:59:53 I'm being for real. I'm being for real. I wasn't going to give you a guy. You'd never fucking AI, Jaime? No. Why not? Well,
Starting point is 00:59:59 no, because he said it felt real. I don't want it felt real. I want to feel real. I want the real thing. You don't want it past ads. Okay. You want a president. No,
Starting point is 01:00:08 he's like, I wanted to feel real or some shit. I don't know what he said. But yeah, look, can I come on the show? Yeah, man,
Starting point is 01:00:15 you're in. I like back. For real. I saw you at the Burbank Airport. And I want to. What's your transition? I don't know. Okay.
Starting point is 01:00:25 And then where did you go after that? To the airport? Yeah. I saw you at the airport. You were again Starbucks with a homie. I don't drink Starbucks, but keep going. Well, you were in front of Starbucks. Okay.
Starting point is 01:00:36 You know what you're on talking about? Is there only one at the Brubing airport? Probably that one. And I was going to say hi to you, but I was running late to my gate. Oh, well, sorry we missed that opportunity, dude. I would have went out to you. I'm like, hey, you know, Jules? But then you would have been like, who are you?
Starting point is 01:00:58 No, I probably would have been like Jules who? Rudy Jules. I said, yeah. And then you would have said, I would, I do Tiger Belly with her. And I said, oh, great. She, we do the lunch table together. Huh? Then I would have been like, yeah, we do the lunch table.
Starting point is 01:01:13 Oh, yeah. And then you would have went to your gate? I wouldn't miss the gate by then. Oh, because you were running so late. Yeah, I was a minute late. Yeah. And it was a black lady. Okay.
Starting point is 01:01:23 Oh, it was a black lady. And she, you know, the government was shut down. So she was already pissed. And, uh. I was in here for two minutes. Yeah. Yeah. She's talking about.
Starting point is 01:01:33 up. Zach was coaching Jaime in a conversation with himself. I was listening. What the god's name is going on? He's talking about a time we almost met. Okay. So. All right.
Starting point is 01:01:46 Let's start over. Okay. Yeah, because all these themes. Play the music. No more. Steve Spielberg. You brought up Spielberg.
Starting point is 01:01:54 Yeah, because I was referring, because we were talking about three. We went from three eye atlas. Yeah. You know what I mean? And then you came back around two. too late with the alien stuff.
Starting point is 01:02:05 You said, why don't we make E.T. You're real. What's up with that? You should have done it in the chunk when I was talking about for you were talking. So I didn't want to interrupt. I know, but then we went into something else and then two minutes later you brought on, you know? E.T. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I didn't want it to go away. Have you seen E.T? I've seen it.
Starting point is 01:02:24 What do you do when you're alone? Oh, my God. I can't even imagine. Well, ask her his roommate. No, no, no. Okay. Who's your room? Right there. But,
Starting point is 01:02:36 didn't she say she's your assistant? Don't know shot. Huh? No shot. You have an assistant, right? No.
Starting point is 01:02:46 Yeah. You literally said she's your assistant. I didn't say that. What are you talking about? On the pod. Can I ask? Yeah, can I ask you questions?
Starting point is 01:02:57 Yeah, yeah. She does help him with his finances. Yeah. Okay. Don't put, Cut that out. Okay, she doesn't. All right.
Starting point is 01:03:03 She doesn't help with this finance. Do you want to say your name again? Oh, my name is Karina. Karina. Are you from Oxnard? No. Okay. I'm from Dallas.
Starting point is 01:03:13 Oh. Yeah. Accent was Oxnard. Yeah. She's not impressed by you, dude, so I don't know what you're doing. I'm not trying to impress her. Oh, he's cute. You're cute.
Starting point is 01:03:23 You're cute yourself. You're handsome. Thank you so much. Dumino. You're a guy. You're human. It's your show. This is your show.
Starting point is 01:03:35 So those are a compliment. Oh, you have a show. What does he do in his free time, this gentleman? He watches a lot of movies. Oh, great. What are some of his favorites? E.T. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 01:03:49 He actually does watch. But if he wasn't watching a movie and you just randomly came in home without a warning, is he kind of standing in a corner? What is he doing? Well, sometimes he just stares at his, like. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:04:01 I picked up on that. He's staring at, what is it? Yeah, like his laptop and stuff. Is there anything on it? Sometimes it's just music. Okay. He lets his stare at music. I don't listen to it.
Starting point is 01:04:13 We just pray. We just straight. How did you guys come about habitating the same living environment? That's a long story. I doubt it. It is. Okay?
Starting point is 01:04:25 Yeah, it is. Are you guys dating? No. Have you guys ever been like a little drunk and tongue wrestled? Mm-mm-mm. Okay, hey, just throwing it out there. It just didn't know.
Starting point is 01:04:34 I didn't want to, because she's like, you find Karina attractive? No. Okay. Oh, why do you find unattractive about her? Oh, wait, what? Her! Is her name Karina, too?
Starting point is 01:04:48 I was looking at Joe's room. What's going on with you? I was looking at Joe's. Did you sleep last night? Huh? He was watching too much music. He was watching too much music, man. Are you in town for how long?
Starting point is 01:04:58 I don't know. Definitely. So Thursday. To Thursday, I think. Till Thursday. So, wait, let's go back. You don't find her attractive? No.
Starting point is 01:05:07 Why do you keep looking at you? I'm looking at Jules. You think Tules is attractive? No. I mean, you know, I shot my, no, I was kidding. Sorry, Zach. Is that why you want to know what in the parking lot? We're not talking about Jules.
Starting point is 01:05:23 I know. No, you don't. Imagine me like, do you think Jules is cute to me? And I go, no, bye me. What are you talking about? No, I find Jew's attractive, no? What?
Starting point is 01:05:39 The question is me. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Look at her. You're not even looking at her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think he's scared of me. Oh. Or maybe he likes you.
Starting point is 01:05:50 No. Did she walk around in her underwear at home? No. He goes, okay, no. Like sweatpants? Why did you touch me? I didn't touch you? Yeah, she's.
Starting point is 01:06:00 Yeah, you're talking. He went, I tapped you. Yeah, but what were you... What were we agreeing on? Touch is this. Tap. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:06:08 Were you, like, telling me she does walk around in her underwear? No. Yeah. Have you ever seen her in a bathing suit? No. You never seen her bathing suit. Okay. Do you guys not swim?
Starting point is 01:06:22 No, I don't. Yeah. He's lying. Yes, you have. You got swam together. No, we didn't swim together. I can't swim together. He's seen me in a bathing suit.
Starting point is 01:06:30 He has seen you in the business? Yeah. Yeah. Where? Why are you lying? Why are you so nervous? Yeah. I think you do like her.
Starting point is 01:06:39 Oh, man. Yeah, yeah. Which is okay. It's okay. You already moved in with her. Thank you. No. What are, what are, how could he improve to maybe be a, you know, in your twinkle?
Starting point is 01:06:54 Nothing. Nothing. So he's perfect. Yeah, yeah. Well, I wouldn't say that. Not that you're not. but it's just. You have your type,
Starting point is 01:07:02 but he's not your type. Yeah, and I'm not his type. Okay, we're best friends. Like, that's just out of like the... I see,
Starting point is 01:07:07 I see, I see, but if you, genuinely, if you think you walked in his room 2 a. m.
Starting point is 01:07:11 and you just kind of threw a Hail Mary, do you think he'd say no? I don't... Yeah, he would say no. I'm not his type and I... Okay,
Starting point is 01:07:20 so I love his excuse. He goes, it's because I'm not home. Okay. But if you were home, yeah. No. No,
Starting point is 01:07:26 no, I'm never home. Oh my God. Let's go back to you. So the three-eyed, raven. Thank you, Karina. Thank you for your time. A lot of little pop-up guest stars in here. I like it.
Starting point is 01:07:38 Honey. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you get from staring at music? Hmm? The lyrics, man. Oh, I see, I see. Wait, you stare at music? Lyrics.
Starting point is 01:07:48 Yeah, yeah. I stare at the lyrics. I don't read them because I'm dyslexic. You are staring at music. Just staring at work. I love how he like, but he talks to me like, I'm crazy. I know. I stare at music.
Starting point is 01:08:05 I understand. But Jaime is one of a kind. The best. I love him. I'm all in. I'm just trying to. Can you find him a girlfriend on your show? You think so?
Starting point is 01:08:16 Brother, I'll try. Do you have any maybe pick up lines or? Yeah. Oh, good. Let's go through some scenarios. So me and, would you like to play? I was gonna play the woman, but if you like to. I'll play, I'll be your best friend. Okay. Oh my god, dude.
Starting point is 01:08:31 Like, what did you do today? Oh my god. Hey. Hey. Oh, I'm gonna let y'all talk for a little bit. Oh, good, okay, that's weird. Power move. But I like that you're hard. No, don't, you're breaking character. I'm okay. All right. He just, that's weird. Anyway, okay, thank you. We're gonna talk for a little bit. Yeah. So, what you did today? I can't think of really anything. Is he still. He's still staring at you at the back of your head. Half a foot away. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:08:58 Still fine. Maybe, I'm just going to. Oh, hi. At first I want to say hi. And that, uh. Hi.
Starting point is 01:09:10 Hi. I'm not talking to the fat friend. I'm talking to. Whoa. First of all, she's on O-ZemPEC. She's been on OZEPC for a while. And,
Starting point is 01:09:22 like, like, the fattest guy I've ever seen is calling me fat. I'm not fat. I'm just, chunky. Confident. It's big boy season.
Starting point is 01:09:31 Yeah. And stop hanging out with this fridge and if you want to Wait wait Excuse me sir You're being extra rude I like I never
Starting point is 01:09:38 I haven't even met you before I didn't have a little brutal She gave you my kid mad And a fridge Wait I'm going on here Just keep playing I'm going somewhere
Starting point is 01:09:48 Yeah yeah Oh All right but I'm just saying that Okay I have ma'am I had lupus I'm 24 years old I had lupus
Starting point is 01:09:56 And she gave me kidney. You have a mortgage. Please don't talk about her. I gave her my kidney. Okay, you have a mortgage. You're a ma'am. Listen, you're very attractive.
Starting point is 01:10:04 I rent, but anyway. Okay. Yeah, yeah. And I just wanted to say, can you get out of the way so I can talk to the fat friend? Oh, he was nagging. Yeah. No. Did you get out there?
Starting point is 01:10:20 Absolutely not now. That was not the right approach. You can't call somebody a fat and fat. fridge and then can I talk to you. Fridge is crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, what do I? The better, try this.
Starting point is 01:10:33 Try this. The better. What do I say, like, hey, fat fridge. You can't combine. You want to combine the word. I want to. Yeah. Don't keep going.
Starting point is 01:10:44 Follow the lead. Put the cock in your mouth. No. I don't say. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't say. This is what you do, Jaime, right? Put the, you know, my thumb in your butt hole.
Starting point is 01:10:55 Okay. Put my cock in your fucking mouth. Duel, what's happening here? What is going on to do? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've never seen them like this before. I'm going to sidebar with my friend. No, no, no, no, no, no.
Starting point is 01:11:07 No, I'm kidding. What's up? Do you guys want to go back or what? Go back where? Both of us now? Yeah, yeah. Where are we going to go? That's not my real pick-up line.
Starting point is 01:11:15 All right, so let's be real. Okay, this be real. All right, so are you trying to, before we get the scenario right? Who are you trying to hit on here? I can't decide. All right, so let's. I decided on her. All right.
Starting point is 01:11:27 We're going to be talking. And be real. Okay. Like this is a real place. Yeah. Okay. Go ahead. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:11:33 So Demetrius. Oh, my God. What he did to Kaylee? Oh, Katie. Am I right? Anyways, my name is Hyma Garcia. What's up? What's your name?
Starting point is 01:11:42 What? Oh, my God. Too a prop, dude. Oh, okay. Let us talk for a while. Okay. Okay. You're learning.
Starting point is 01:11:48 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I got to come up with a different. Yeah. Yeah. No, no, we can stay.
Starting point is 01:11:53 Oh, shit. Oh, oh, shit. No, I don't want to, right? That meteorite that hit Townsville? Townsville? Yeah, do you believe it? Should I hit on this? I mean, once in let's see we're in Townsville?
Starting point is 01:12:06 I mean, it was summer 2016 because my ex-boy-friend had a show there. I can't hear this. Next to me. This is crazy. Sorry, excuse me. We're talking about a meteorite that just hit Townsville. I'm sorry, I'm having a conversation with my friend. We're just talking about something right now.
Starting point is 01:12:23 Okay. This girl has a big tints My right Don't you just want to Go dinosaur on them Hi, we're all sharing live We heard you Yeah, we heard you
Starting point is 01:12:35 No, you did it My name is James How you doing? What's your name? Listen Hey, Kimberly, don't tell them Kimberly What's up?
Starting point is 01:12:44 Kimberly Hey Hey, you guys come here often? I'm Natasha Natasha, nice to meet you Nice to meet you This is my friend right here You can talk to her
Starting point is 01:12:54 Hey, can I buy you a drink? I don't want to talk. I'm okay. I can afford my own drink. Yeah, we have drinks on the table. Oh, 2025. Women can do the own things now. Hey.
Starting point is 01:13:04 I mean, you're not. What? What are you saying? Every time you talk, I feel like you're on the brink of spitting up. Don't break, Eric, don't break. Stay in the same. Yeah, don't tell me that. I'm about to buy you drinks.
Starting point is 01:13:16 We already have drinks, sir? We already have. Well, I'll buy this next round. Sir, well, Tasha? If we just, sir. Sir. Sir. Okay.
Starting point is 01:13:23 Listen, can I get your digits or not? I think I'm going to pass this time. All right. You're lost. Yeah. Thank you for being bold enough to ask. I don't really do that. I know.
Starting point is 01:13:33 That's the way we wanted you to do it the way you would do it. I don't know. And then you became aggressive. Hi, mate. You've actually done pickup lines that have worked for you. And girls, no. The coffee one or like, do you have a name? Oh my God.
Starting point is 01:13:46 Do you have you ever had a girlfriend? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know she cheated. How do you normally talk to girls? I don't know. I don't talk. I talk, but I'm like, just, you like oranges?
Starting point is 01:14:04 That's my... Let's start there. That's a good starting point. Anyway. I do. I'd love to buy some from your cart on Sunday. No, no, let's start again, right? Okay.
Starting point is 01:14:14 Yeah. Timbaya Alamoto. It's a new word that I... Kim. Hey, excuse me. young lady do you like oranges um on an occasion
Starting point is 01:14:28 I like citruses yeah it's one of my faves well I got a store downtown L.A. You have an orange store have oranges
Starting point is 01:14:38 grapefruit Oh Oh any citrus That's beautiful When did you start your business Oh when my grandpa died You have limes No
Starting point is 01:14:47 He didn't grow limes I have lemons I have lemons You like lemons He's hitting on me I think so. I feel it. Sorry.
Starting point is 01:14:54 I just wanted to see if you wanted to come see the store. Oh. I don't know, man. I mean, lady. I don't know. I honestly, stay at it. Stay at the store. I stay at the orange store and, you know, I do some stuff here and there.
Starting point is 01:15:17 Do you manual labor? Yeah, go pick the oranges from the field. Oh, you kind of do it all. Jack of all trades. Yeah. I'm also the CEO. The CEO of the Citger Store. That you also are in the fields picking.
Starting point is 01:15:30 Yeah. Very cool. You can get my number down if you want to. Well, how long have you been an executive? Yeah. All my life since my grandpa died. All your life since your grandpa died. When did your grandpa die?
Starting point is 01:15:40 Since I was alive. Okay. Kimberly, that's Dana Kimberly. He said that his grandfather, he's his grandfather died when he's been alive. I think that's what he said.
Starting point is 01:15:55 Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. The guy when you were alive. Sorry, I'm not very smart. Can you break down? Yeah, break down what that means. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:16:01 We don't really know that means. So when I was born in 2006, right? That's not my ear, but. Sure, let's use fake ears. Why would you lie? Okay.
Starting point is 01:16:12 Why would you lie? What are we doing? I don't know how to talk to ladies, okay? Did your grandpa? Bye. Bye. Bitch. Yeah, that's his her problem.
Starting point is 01:16:21 I don't know, ma'am. Yeah, you're going to die alone. I'm sorry. You're not. No, I don't know. But you're really sweet, though. Yeah, that's why I lose. Lean into the sweetness.
Starting point is 01:16:35 Yeah, I think. I don't know. I'm so sweet, but you come up, oh, look at the tits on this one. Boy, that's a joke. Yeah, yeah. I don't know. I honestly don't know. Do you have a type?
Starting point is 01:16:45 Yeah. Yeah, Filipinos. So, were you attracted to Jules? No. Why is that? More like siblings. What did you guys meet? A year?
Starting point is 01:16:56 Last year. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. You met here, right? Oh, you've been on this for a while. Yeah. Cool.
Starting point is 01:17:02 Yeah. You wasn't here when I was here last time. No, I was in. Things got shaken up. No, sometimes he's here. Sometimes he's not. He's, but he's mostly here. Does it hurt you that your co-host had a baby with someone else?
Starting point is 01:17:16 What? What? It would hurt me. What? I'm just... Yeah. Yeah. No, honestly, no.
Starting point is 01:17:33 When she first told me, it was a little rattling. I cried. But when I met the baby, especially, I got it. I got it. And I love the kid. Yeah. Do you get along well with... Yeah.
Starting point is 01:17:52 He's the sweetest man I've ever. He really is. I can't think of anything negative to say about him. He's been over to the house to help me fix stuff. Wow. That's got to be like debilitating. Yeah, because I'm not a hands-on. That's what I'm saying.
Starting point is 01:18:06 It's like, oh. No, he's like a man's man. And, you know, it's something that I'm not. And I've always known that about myself. I've been kind of, I'm aloof and kind of, you know, weird. Do you want children? I don't think it's going to happen for me, to be honest with you. No.
Starting point is 01:18:24 Okay. So when you brought that up, right? it became, the show got weird. And now we're going into a weird, you know what I mean? You know what I mean? He's writing it down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He got a new page for this.
Starting point is 01:18:36 Now, I know that that's a part of your thing, but why do you do that? No, no, that wasn't. No, no, let's get, let's dive into you, Zach, and why you do that. Well, that was a, you say confrontational thing. That's not confrontational. That was a, that was a genuine question that I actually had. That's a deep question. I love to dive deep into it.
Starting point is 01:18:54 I might get derailed by a little ET. T-talk in the middle, but yeah, yeah, yeah. How are you feeling? I feel, for the first time in my life, I feel, I mean, I have a lot going on, you know, but they're good things. And I have a little anxiety because of all the things I need to do, but. Do you celebrate your wins? I've been really celebrating.
Starting point is 01:19:16 I'm pitching myself every day as of late. I can't believe it. How do you, okay, something good in your, what is a win for you? Is it normally career-wise, or is it? It's a lot of things. Like, um, recently I helped somebody get sober. Ooh. And he's doing very good.
Starting point is 01:19:31 And that feels good. An official sponsor or? No, but it's somebody that I got a call from somebody saying this guy really needs help. Didn't know who he was. I know what he did for a living. But I brought him around to some meetings and stuff like that. And we've been close. We've been grown close.
Starting point is 01:19:50 That's nice. I've been speaking at meetings again. So that's good. What the initial getting off. or the initial getting sober, I guess, what are those tips and tricks that you give? Not tips and tricks, but how do you guide someone through that, like the withdrawals of the initial? Well, I mean, everyone has a different view on how to get sober, right? I can only share my experience.
Starting point is 01:20:15 And my experience is through 12-step groups and hitting meetings hard, getting a sponsor, doing service work, and that sort of, that way. Do you feel like when you have a community, you have a less chance of letting them down? Or is that a big part of it? Well, if you know the history of Alcoholics Anonymous, there was Bill W., Bill Wilson, the founder of A. Right? Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:20:46 One day he was at some sort of convention or something, and he had been sober for oil, but he knew he was going to drink. Right? And he didn't know what to do. So we called a nun. on the phone. When was this? This is 1935? Called a nun on the phone and goes,
Starting point is 01:21:04 I'm an alcoholic, I'm about to drink. Do you know any other alcoholics? And she goes, I know a doctor who is chronically drinking. And so he called the doctor out of the blue and said, can I just see you? Doctor's like, no.
Starting point is 01:21:20 He's like, please, I'll just stop by five minutes. He's all right. So he comes to the guy's house. What ends up happening is they start spending time. together and then when they realize and they would share their experience strength of hope each other like you know their experiences with each other there was a lot of relating going on but they what they found was after a couple of days they were
Starting point is 01:21:39 still sober and didn't think about drinking so what they did was together they would go to institutions and and like because back in the day alcoholics ended up in like insane asylums right some of them on the verge of wet brain right and they would sit down and share their story with other alcoholics and every once in well one of the guys would go I'm gonna join you guys And then it turns out after about a year they had hundreds of people They had some long-term sobriety if they just met up and so that's how a This might be a naive question, but is it only alcohol? No
Starting point is 01:22:18 Is there there's now there's um that at sex love it anonymous but like say it say it was like prescription drugs whatever it is Would that all be in the same group? As an alcohol? Yeah, I mean, if I was strictly an opiate user and I wanted to get sober, I would probably still go to A meetings. Because it's all the same thing. You know what I mean? Also, all these behaviors is not the problem, right?
Starting point is 01:22:44 It's the solution to what the actual problem is. Well, what was it, World War II? A lot of the guys were hooked on meth and other drugs, or maybe even heroin. but when they got home to a community like statistically like 90% of them all quit or it might even be higher but it was like a sense of community that
Starting point is 01:23:03 community is important and that's what I think AA is it's community you need somebody to check you too how often is it? What do you mean? Like is it once a week? Is it once a month? Sometimes I go one or two a week, yeah I mean when I first got sober every day
Starting point is 01:23:16 for like six months but then eventually kind of life happens and then you do life but from from that outside you would think every time. I don't know why this has become fucking... I found it so interesting. He's being very genuine. Yeah. No, I like it. I like being real. I find it really interesting. Yeah. Every time the, well, I guess from an outsider's perspective who hasn't been, it almost like you go in and it's a lot of like really emotional stories. Is there,
Starting point is 01:23:44 is it always like that? Is there sometimes where it's like everybody's hanging out and it's like, I'll give you an example. When I was a kid, I was 17 years old, I used to go to this place called Mount Soled at Men's. It was a men's. It was a men's meeting Saturday morning. It's still there. And still a meeting. So I gave Dan a cake there like seven months ago in San Diego.
Starting point is 01:24:03 But when I went as a kid in the 80s, I was in high school and I got sober then. And I, there was this guy one day he had no shoes on. He was like a hobo. You know what I mean? He was going, he was going
Starting point is 01:24:19 you know what I mean? Like he was fucked up, right? And he kept going every week. And then I stopped going for that meeting for a couple of years. But then like in my early 20s before I did stand-up, I started going back. And I was sitting next to this guy and he was wearing a suit. And he goes, hey dude. I go, hey, I haven't met you for her. Remember me? I was going to. And I go, whoa. Like, I couldn't believe. I go, what's going on? He's like, oh, yeah, I'm married. Right? It has a life. and that's when it really hit me like, oh, this shit works.
Starting point is 01:24:58 Like, there's a transformational change that happens. You know what I mean? Internally and externally, that's, you know, this is incredible to witness, and it's spiritual. When you see that kind of change, and you know that they believe in God and they think that God did it, and you see it, like when Christians go,
Starting point is 01:25:21 hey, you know what I mean? It's like, you don't know hard to. but when I see God mend hardship and, you know what I mean, and cleans a man's life so drastically, that's when I believe, because I see it. You know, I have to see it. You mean, some kid that's, you know, oh, yeah, my dad's a lawyer, but, you know, I'm a Christian.
Starting point is 01:25:43 I believe the Lord. It's like, yeah, I don't believe you, man. I believe that guy. I think that goes for people in general. I always like people that have been through some stuff a little bit more than I, people that haven't, you know. What's, is there a, so I guess if you're speaking to someone else are trying to help, is there a certain point?
Starting point is 01:26:02 How are, is, I'm the host. Howard, did you become the host? I find this so fast. I know, no, yeah, I know, but it's so clever. When I see podcasts are coming on here, I know what they're doing. Zach's a good interviewer. I know he is, but it's like my show. This is my last question.
Starting point is 01:26:16 No, I know, I like it. I think it's clever. What? Is there, is there a, certain like common time milestone where it's a little bit easier to be sober like is it usually like you have to get over this hump of maybe i think the first uh 90 days is that's why they always say go 90 meetings 90 days that's the toughest part but i think once you um get some time behind your belt you also the fog lifts so you see things the way they are and when you're
Starting point is 01:26:53 a long-term alcoholic, imagine some people 20 years, they've never seen reality the way it is. And when they first see it, it's life-altering. When you speak about that fog, what is that? I've never really dealt obviously with alcohol or things of that nature, but is it constant? I don't know. No, I mean, the fog is, you know, when you're drinking every day for the rest of all your all the chemicals and all the things in your brain and your body, you know what I mean, releasing everything and it's detoxing,
Starting point is 01:27:29 and your mind is becoming clearer, is what I'm saying. You know, I mean, that's what the fog is. And then one day they're like, they'll see a butterfly land on a flower, and they'll go, I'm being real. And they'll go, I've never seen that before. It's almost like the videos of, have you seen where people are colorblind
Starting point is 01:27:49 and they get the color glassy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's that. Interesting. It's exact that. You've done with the serious? That was cool. I like that.
Starting point is 01:27:57 Do you have a friend? Is that why you're asking? No. No, I was just interested. He doesn't want to talk about himself, so he reversed. It's fine. I'll talk about me. Sobert.
Starting point is 01:28:09 All right. So let's talk about the reality show you're on. Okay. What's it called? It's called Inside USA. Inside USA. KSI did it. Yeah, so it was their production company, put it on.
Starting point is 01:28:21 But KSA on the show? He hosted a couple of things. Yeah, yeah. I love him. He's great. Yeah. I didn't move with it once. And so what is the show problem?
Starting point is 01:28:30 I don't know much about it. So 12 internet and regular celebrities. I don't know, Dwight Howard was on it, so that's why I say regular celebrities. Yeah, yeah. We're all in a house together that's kind of similar to a jail where we're stripped away of all the necessities. Like there's no couch cushions. There's nothing to do. Like, there's no games.
Starting point is 01:28:50 If food, we were served like rice. like this much rice and like eight beans for lunch and dinner. And in the morning, it was oatmeal, no sugar, no salt, but just like slop. But if you wanted... How many days? Seven. Oh, my God. Imagine.
Starting point is 01:29:07 But I lost 15 pounds in there. Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah. But if you wanted a meal upgrade, so a burger or something, it would cost, say, $5,000. So there's one winner, and there's a million dollars in the prize pool. But any time I wanted a meal upgrade or I wanted to go buy a game at quarter, Hornhole to have fun, it would come out of everyone's prize fund. Oh, wow.
Starting point is 01:29:27 So then you get mad. Did you invest in that prize fund? Was it the show money? It was show money. So a million dollars. Wow. Yeah. And then you get mad because we had somebody spend $200,000 in a day.
Starting point is 01:29:38 Who? Her name was Bree. And she did it because we could buy immunity. What's her last name? Duncan or Bree? Anyway. I don't know. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:29:50 But so you could buy immunity one day. and whoever spent the most on immunity and the next challenge. That's her? Yeah. Wow. She seems like she said $200,000. But here was the, like, play the game
Starting point is 01:30:03 however you want to play the game, but it was only for one immunity. So I was interested in, it's like, I feel like she put a target on her back for the next challenge. Hmm. Then she got out, you know, immediately after that. Oh, so you get delimited.
Starting point is 01:30:19 Yeah, so we would do eliminations. And people would vote them out. It was either voting, or there was like a random whatever. Have you ever had sketch on the podcast? Yeah. Bad friends. Sketch is hilarious,
Starting point is 01:30:31 but he was in there with me. He sketches the best. He was my favorite on the show by far. Yeah. And so how far did you like? Can you say? Is the show out? The show has it been out for a while?
Starting point is 01:30:40 Give Zach Justice a Rona. Oh, no, no, no. Oh, yeah. Watch it. Oh, no, no. Oh, no. So he has a podcast called The Lunch Table. and Jules is a regular on the show.
Starting point is 01:30:56 She's big time. She's big time. Wow. Incredible. How's it been there, Jules? What do you think of Zach? After all this time now, spending with him. He's really nice.
Starting point is 01:31:07 Yeah. And I feel just really... Are you a little emotional right now? Oh, okay. She didn't have her head. She went on. She couldn't hear it. No, I was listening, but it's really nice.
Starting point is 01:31:18 Like, I feel... I don't know. He's more, I don't know I just feel really comfortable with him And like the other go-host Skyler and Ava It's just fun to be there It's a fun family environment Yeah
Starting point is 01:31:31 So this is not the show that I did No this is, so we just started this one Okay Yeah Anyway funny I've never been asked to be on it Brother, you won't text me back Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha And then Jaime will
Starting point is 01:31:52 be on this show. Yeah, Jaime, you gotta get on this one, dude. Oh, there's KSI. You scroll down a little bit. We should do and Bobby, we gotta get you on one. Jaime, you gotta get on this show. How about Jaime and Bobby and girls have to choose between Highlight I'm all in. Oh, the pop the bubble thing? Pop the balloon. I'm not doing that.
Starting point is 01:32:09 You gotta do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. No, no, but versus Jaime. It'd be so funny. I cannot do it. I cannot do it. You do different versions, right? Yeah, there's like one where I have like a dating coach, you can come in as my dating coach. That one's fun. Anyway, give us a round of applause, everybody. Thank you us.
Starting point is 01:32:28 Thanks, guys.

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