Timcast IRL - Sunday Uncensored: Ryan Long & Danny Polishchuk Members Only Podcast

Episode Date: April 23, 2023

Tim & Co join Ryan Long & Danny Polishchuk for a spicy bonus segment usually only available on Timcast.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to our special weekend show, Sunday Uncensored. Every week we produce four uncensored episodes of the TimCast IRL podcast exclusively at TimCast.com and we're going to bring you the most important for our weekend show. If you want to check out more segments just like this, become a member at TimCast.com. Now enjoy the show. Stuff's not on? Oh, is it on? Is, uh, are we, uh, okay, we the show. today in australia because you know how everyone's like oh what is like there's a in australia there's a league there and they're having the first trans woman play basketball wait what really yeah and you know andrew bogut no you know who he is he's uh he's like a big twitter guy he was

the number one draft pick in the nba draft like he's australian and uh played for the golden state warriors won an nba championship he's been tweeting about it and he's like everybody's lighting him up for being like this animal you know this monster and he's like, everybody's lighting him up for being like this animal, you know, this monster. And he's just like, yeah, I don't think this is a good idea. Wait, they're having a guy playing the WNBA? A trans woman, yeah. Oh, that's fucking awesome. Not WNBA.

The Australian version of it. Oh, fuck yeah. Remember that Australian rugby dude who was like 6'3", but he was a woman, and then he started like trampling him and crushing him, dude? I'm like, yeah, you fuck him up. And he was like, boom. Did you, I i have a question because we talked about this reason like did you think we'd still be talking about this on the after show no like in 2023 fuck yeah dude really bro i said in like 2018 when wokeness i was like when wokeness wait wait until you see what happens when the woke bullshit

reaches we didn't say woke we said like the social justice stuff reaches sports. Yeah. Because the rules in all of our sports are arbitrary. Like we could just make a rule saying the team has to be half women. I mean, sex and gender is apparently arbitrary. Well, that's the point. So like if the rules for basketball are like, okay, the rim has to be this high. Yeah.

Why does it have to be this high? We just decided. We set the standards. Okay. Well, I got a new rule. At least three women on each team. Yeah. Why does it have to be this high? We just decided. We set the standards. Okay. Well, I got a new rule. At least three women on each team. Yeah. No,

you're right. Always at least one woman on the floor. We were sort of saying this earlier, but like, do you know how there's like the Adam Sandler movie where he's the scout or like the replacements, you know, those movies?

And like Juana Man. Yeah. Yeah. Juana Man. I love it. We're loving the idea of like, like a movie about a scout for a wmba team but she's just scouting like brooklyn places where it's like you know someone just transitioned and it's like

he sees him throw the you know the garbage in the trash can he's like he's only scouting people that just transitioned like the way that they scout for tall people in like africa or whatever but better than that it's they just go up to a guy who's in a dress and they're like you want to be in the WNBA? And he goes, I never played basketball before. Like, not trust me. That doesn't matter. Not going to matter.

You're seven foot. I mean, you can't be seven foot eight. That's what they always say about basketball is like, you can't teach height. Would you would you would you go to see a WNBA game ever? Yeah. If they put a trans person and the trans person was dominating, I would go a bunch. I would go, I'll say this, okay?

Like, as much as they get, you know, shit on, like, they're very good. It's just, they're still not as good

as like, the best high school basketball male players. But like, they are very good at basketball, but it just sucks to watch because they can't dunk.

You're just like, this is just not great. Is it like, they can't, a product. They can't dunk? Well, he has a joke about this, but he says they should lower the nets.

Yeah, they should lower the nets. And a lot of women have actually said we should lower the nets. Just to make it more accurate. Is that why they can't dunk? Because they're just too weak? They're not- Can't jump high enough.

I mean, men, women are just shorter. But also it's a power thing. They can't jump high enough. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The twitch fight, muscle twitch fight. Yeah, exactly. Look, there are a couple women in the Wmba who

could like on a fast break can dunk but also yeah they're like it's just it's not good to watch but like they're great shooters and like ball handlers and stuff like you know but yeah it's just not great but yeah i would go see like a new york liberty game if someone gave me tickets i kind of feel like dead silence whatever what an endorsement just like i gotta watch like that weird like you know indoor wrestling that's like we watch in like a church or something i'd rather watch indoor wrestling yeah but you're like i'll go if someone gives me tickets i know what you're saying yeah the reason people shit on it is because it's like anything it was no one cares as much tell it sort like people go, it's actually better and you go, well, now it's funny

to make fun of. Yeah. And I had a joke about it when I was talking about it because they're like saying they're equal or whatever and I'm like, they play with a smaller ball

but the rim is the same. Is it really? It's a smaller ball? The WNBA is a smaller ball but the rim is the same. So it's literally like easier to get in. Remember when the women's

soccer team played against those 14-year-old boys and lost? Yeah. Yeah. And yet there's no advantage when i was uh when i like playing hockey there was a couple times when i played men's league that the the game that we played a few times like nhl players would come on the off season and nhl players would basically it was kind of like no even if it was like you you know, fourth string guy, it was like, this guy could basically score as many goals as he wanted to, kind of thing.

And there was a couple of times that, uh, the top, a woman in the, whatever, WM NHL, is that what it's called? But though,

and she was on the Olympic team and all this stuff she played and she was the best player on the ice, but it wasn't like she could just dominate it. No, and they don't hit, but she was the best player on the ice. Yeah. It's the premier hockey federation. I mean, it's not like the craziest,

the men's league hockey, but like, you know, there was some good players. She was still the best by far, but it was the men's guy. If you want to score 10 goals, you could score 10 goals. Yeah, but also once you just hit her, then that's all.

I forgot to mention that we're on the uncensored show now, so you guys are allowed to be phony. Yeah, I was going to say, you're just like, we start the show, you're just like, fucking shit the show, you're just like, fucking shit, fuck, fuck, fuck.

I saw that too. I was like, Tim Pool unleashed. It's what we do. It's like the kids are in bed. The YouTube censors can't get us. This is the shit where it's on TimCast.com. 10 bucks a month subscribers can watch.

Yeah, I get it. And we can say, shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker motherfucker it's great george karl yeah actually we would we would probably do better in algorithms if we like just toned it down a little bit but uh i don't know i think you guys are all doing it right i mean it's all right thank you how was working with joe rogan i saw you on the show working with him it's nice to see you guys hitting it off. Yeah, yeah. No, yeah,

we did do the show. I'm going to go to Austin. Did you go to the Mothership when you were there? I'm going to go next month. We checked out the lobby because it was closed when we were...

I'm going to pop down there next time. I was so happy to see that place. But all the shows are sold out. All of them. Oh, hell yeah, dude. Yeah, it's crazy.

And I heard they don't honor scalper tickets, so there's all these people showing up and then they can't get in. But there's like this rush line, so all these people actually came. It's like the seller. The Vulcan did that too. I mean, the Comedy Cellar sells out 28 shows a weekend right now.

But, you know, I just think that I'm going to open a comedy club right next to the Comedy Mothership, knowing nothing about comedy at all. Just, you know, because I want to fit in. Famous last words, dude fit in famous last words dude well yeah then you're like okay you know what maybe there's some things that like i would in age can an agency do this i would kill tony you know everyone's doing it you guys do kill tony a couple times yeah i want to do that show that's yeah no everything the whole vibe there is cool and austin and it also it's it's not just comedy it's comedy it's like podcasting it's also like tech

and you know i think that there's been waves of that but right now there's a huge vibe of anyone that's like either tech adjacent like crypto adjacent fucking you know comedy podcast and it's like you got to come here like it's very that's what that's the vibe of various like yo you got to move here we're bumping you can feel the energy we were just down there and people i hung out with michael malice and we had a party at his house and i met all these amazing people and they were like you gotta move here you are an austin man it's a little it's a scene no i know you don't like that i know they just they just locked the guy up because he was defending himself from lunatics you're saying austin yeah it's it's that was in austin a guy that stuff affects most

people on day to day bro i'm telling you west West Virginia is where it's at because the state is so in need of industry, in need of economic growth. There's a tremendous opportunity to do a free state kind of deal here. So they do the free state project up in New Hampshire. I think it'd be easier to do in West Virginia. With the libertarians. Well, I feel like it's the same conversation we had before and like a different way and there's obviously like a middle ground but like for like peter if peter teal and like you know elon musk and three people like we're moving our factories just to austin like that's

like a precedent and everyone starts moving if like some guy that runs like a hundred million dollar company was like we're doing it in new hampshire it's like he would just move there and he'd be like come on guys and bro i don't want to go to austin for that reason oh what joe rogan brought all the democrats with him he didn't bring conservatives but he brought a lot of like creative funny awesome people that's what i've never lived in like a red so what people don't realize is i said this before when joe rogan he's a good dude when he goes to austin he makes Austin better, but all these people, and Elon Musk, the same. The people who work in the periphery of this industry

are not based. They are woke, and they're going, the money's in Austin, and so now woke people are coming to Austin. Granted, we're seeing Texas shift redder, and hopefully this guy gets pardoned, this Daniel Perry dude. Oh yeah, that's the dude who shot in the army guy or whatever? Yeah, I like Austin. There's a lot of really awesome shit about it i just i don't want

to be in a big city i don't want to and i it's too expensive yeah we were looking at properties to do a satellite studio so that we could come down to austin because there's so many people there that'd be smart it's so fucking expensive if you saw our rents right now you'd fucking what was like it's like five to twenty times the price for real estate. You wouldn't be a happy camper if you found out what I paid for my places, but I'll keep looking. It's like, it's like cowboys. Like,

right. And you know, it's like the Silicon Valley, they all moved there where it was free. And then, you know, it becomes popular and then it becomes less free. And then they find a new place and it like kind of,

you know, there's like cycles. But if you're a cowboy, I think I've seen before that. Sure. So I've said that like a million dollars for a three bedroom. Fuck off. You have a million dollars for a three bedroom.

Like, okay. I mean, did you, did you inherit it? New York city is like a studio. Yeah. You're not getting a million dollars for a three bedroom.

We're an hour. We're an hour from the two major, three major airports, BWI, DCA, and IAD. We've got several major cities. You're a couple hours away we're 15

minutes from frederick 300 000 people you're 45 minutes to an hour from dc if you want to go to dc pennsylvania philadelphia is only a few hours if you real pittsburgh's two hours where we are right now and you can buy a three-bedroom house for 200k a good nice house and you don't got to worry about black lives matter you got you can have your own chickens so i'm looking at austin and i'm like a million bucks for this house but you need to be where people the people in your industry are for some industries for some you don't you know what i mean but for some people like proximity like the truth is like you can be trying to get venture funds you know living in i mean if someone wanted to start yeah if someone wanted to start what you guys are doing here like they you here you have to be where the people are

no one would ever be a guest I keep thinking I'm like god I love the city I love the activity I love the creation and the positive like the hope there's a vibe of like just like people that want to like win and like you know everyone moved to these cities to like try to do something great like there's just you know you're around like greatness

and some expect it rubs off on you and then the lady was shitting on the ground outside of the balkan um so like right and it smelled like pee all downtown and i was like god damn it i guess i'm still used to that i mean i saw a guy the week i moved to new york city i'll never forget this guy was walking around he's wearing track pants he was like kind of like disheveled like look like kind of like not not all there or whatever and uh his track pants were tucked into his socks and then and there was like a shit stain on the back of his like gray track and then i was like and because i thought he had like a gout kind of situation and then i was like oh he shit

yeah yeah and it filled up the sock it's like it filled this area up so that's proving tim's point for sure yeah so i'm, well, I think buy a house in West Virginia, go to Austin once every couple weeks or every couple months or a week a month or something. I mean, there's... It depends on what you want to accomplish. To be fair...

What are you optimizing for? 30, 40 minutes north of Austin, they got three bedrooms for $400. That's where everyone's at. You guys know J.P. Sears. I went to his house and I was like zillowing the houses around there and in my mind he's in austin yeah in my mind i was looking at these houses and i was like oh these people are like like if this was new york you'd be like oh this the ceo of like all of the oil companies yeah yeah you know what i mean and you're like there and you look and it was like you know some

of these houses in the suburbs not his specifically but i'm just like a bunch of them, you know, you're like mansion and you're just like 750. Yeah. He had a gorgeous, gorgeous house. And it was like, yeah. Well, we don't know what his house. We don't, well, we don't know what his house costs. I'm thinking Montana. I remember around that area.

It's good. Like, it's like being on YouTube and having your, your foot in the battleground. That's like having property in a big city like Austin. There's a massive value to that shit, man. Have a set up. We should set up like a show down there. A lot of people do it the other way. Like a lot of people, that's the move is like you are in the city, you build something,

and then you become sustaining enough that you don't need the benefits of the city anymore and you get the hell out of there. I mean, that's kind of the trajectory for a lot of people. New York is generally a transitory place for most people. It's a stop. You know what, man? We got this club and this coffee shop we're putting together in west virginia and uh you guys are gonna be begging to come to west

virginia you're gonna be like tim tim well you'd have to get out of here you'd have to open 25 comedy clubs like you like new york's one like i didn't to be honest like 50 people in there and you're gonna be begging but we didn't well we didn't move to new york because like i don't think either of us are like oh the light like it was more just like i hate new york that's the center of the world for comedy right it's like if i wanted to be in you know if i wanted to be in fashion i would move to los angeles new york or we do this show whatever it's awesome the most amazing people come to the house but when we were in austin we did a live performance and after the show i walked the crowd was like grabbing me wanted to do photos talking

to me for like an hour it was the most invigorating thing i've experienced in years i have to smile on my face we do that five times a night yes the next morning i woke up and my my face was still smiling it was like i wasn't trying to when i stopped doing that when i'm like i have to step away from stand-up i do find that like i get kind of messed up in the head because it's such like a ingrained like center of my being from the last 15 years yeah i i think that's a big part of winning the culture war this book this crazy like who's trying to control people's minds it's you are with the people when you are with the people becoming one with the crowd you're so right and i've always said that like that's why

you know people a lot of times know, comedians are tapped in because you're just like, I know in real time, like what normal people think. Like, I know what a room of people in every city thinks like right now. You know what I mean? Not like, not four days ago, not like, oh, this kind of, this thing's getting popular. This thing's, I know like right now, if I say this, do people agree with it? Or do people kind of go, yeah, duh. Or do people go, wait, what?

Like, I know what's the vibe of like your average person in every city you know what i mean you can really take the temperature like real time is there much of a comedy scene in dc yeah oh for sure there's a really good there's a really good comedy club every city has a scene yeah every city has a scene to some degree but it's just like new york city and then l.a clubs is what i mean that is the major leagues right that's a good way to put it yeah like just like if York City and then LA. Showcase clubs is what I mean. That is the major leagues, right? That's a good way to put it, yeah. Just like if you want to be a professional soccer player, you go to Europe. It doesn't matter where you're from.

If you want to be the best soccer player in the world, you go to Europe. If you want to be the best comedian in the world, you go to New York. If you want to be on Broadway, yeah, they have Broadway in Idaho. Yeah, of course. If you want to be a Broadway star, you move to New York.

What are the best venues in New York? The Comedy Cellar is probably top of the list. Who owns that? The Stand, the New York Comedy Club, Brooklyn Comedy. in New York? The Comedy Cellars. Probably. Comedy Cellars. Who owns that? The Stand. The New York Comedy Club. Brooklyn Comedy. I mean, there's 45 venues. Oh, I did stand up at the New York Comedy Club.

You didn't? Yeah, we were there together. Oh, you went to that thing. No, no. I was there in like 2001. I was at Stand Up New York with Tim. Oh, when? That's where we went.

Stand Up New York. Stand Up New York? Yeah. We went after the Mines thing. We went to Stand Up New York. Yeah, yeah. I york and then we did like a little show right beside where me alex stein did a set and then we all went upstairs and we had a party you were there remember the after party after the mines thing at the beacon

theater no remember you were flying back the next day you didn't stay very long there was a big debacle that night and then you came oh right right upstairs upstairs thing and i don't know that was a comedy club yeah that was that's yeah that guy owns a comedy club he owned it with james altucher that was just because james o'keefe shoved me into a car and then we drove there you got brought there yeah and then and then when we were leaving all these people were screaming like tim tim and then i was like uh i don't know and then james grabbed me shoved me into the car and i'm like whatever you say James, tell me what to do. Yeah.

Because James is like, Tim, you're going to get shot. And I'm like, get the fuck in the car. That is wild. So let's. But you were at a comedy club. Let's. Can I just rip the smiles off your guys' face? Every day, dude.

Again? Ryan's laughing over. I'm like, no, no, no. Take a look at this story. We'll just talk about this for a few minutes before we go to our callers. The TikTok algorithm made a kid kill himself. So this kid, he kills himself. And the mom opens his TikTok account and finds that even though her son was searching for like,

he was, what was he searching for? She said it was like cheeseburgers and football. It's not about what you're searching for. It's about what you watch, right? Batman basketball weightlifting and motivational speeches. TikTok showed him instead. People saying death is good. People saying they want to kill themselves.

People saying good. And just thousands of videos inundating his feed telling him to kill himself. And then he did. He walked in front of a train. TikTok is literally the CCP being like, kill yourself. What the fuck? Yup. Enough's enough.

Did this just happen? This is new? It's a new story. You want to really show her? I mentioned this on the main show actually tonight did this just happen this is new it's a new story you want to really show her I mentioned this on the main show actually tonight this specific thing damn

this is fucking violent yeah they were like straight up like you're just like all this like pro suicide stuff like all this emo bullshit and I'm just like

bro I don't know what are you supposed to do you gotta force them to free their software code I think rather than try and be like smash it with a hammer you say you can open up your software code so we can see the algorithm what it's doing

and then you can operate the united states if you refuse then you're what do you think just ban it yeah because that's like saying like i don't agree with banning drugs outright because you're talking about multiple different sources of drugs you're talking about natural things that exist that you can't really control that well. And the best thing to do is to regulate them to a certain degree. I don't think people should go to prison for doing drugs. They should get rehabilitation for doing drugs.

TikTok is a singular company that is taking an action. So here's my point. Don't ban guns. Ban the guy. Ban people from going around and shooting you in the face with a gun. TikTok. But couldn't you say ban the suicide content

if that was your stance? Yeah, for sure. I mean, yeah for sure again yeah like it's crazy that that's just like not part of their content moderation because like i'm sure you were constantly i bet you it is to some degree you're constantly having like the most benign things removed for like literally hate touch it seems like most platforms you got to be worried about like saying suicide stuff i have a joke about suicide that's like not that crazy and it got taken off everywhere yeah why including tell the joke it was it was like the different it was like men's suicide girl suicide it was like it was like dudes are like you know all ended and girls are like uh if girl oh fuck uh i can't remember you got it it's on youtube somewhere yeah but i I don't know.

It was something too and then there was a part that I don't know if it was on this exact special but it was like something about girls couldn't be suicide bombers because they'd be like, oh, which bomb should I use? Which plane should I take?

Or whatever. It was some kind of version of that. But it was like all that kind of stuff. It was like girls can't make a decision and blah, blah, blah. But that got taken down off everywhere. Women world leaders in war, you know, versus male world leaders.

Well, if women actually, I actually do believe there'd be less war if women were in charge because they wouldn't have enough money to spend on the war after that deficit got so out of control. Women be shopping. Women be shopping.

I thought you were just going to say there wouldn't be enough money for war after they spent all the money on handbags because they'd be shopping women politicians be spending women be redistributing they be running deficits look at AOC

she's like deficit spend to pay the healthcare bills running the credit card up again but you know the bill that they passed or not passed proposed for the restrict act She's like deficit spend to pay the healthcare bills. It's like, Oh, running the credit card up again. But you were like, you know, the bill that they passed or not passed, uh, proposed for the restrict act. Yeah.

Or whatever. And they're like, everybody's like all the stuff in there. It seemed like way, way worse to pass that bill for all the, you know, that was the bills, like a scam,

right? Yeah. They were essentially like, this is so crazy. Uh, like how much is going to violate, you know, in order for you to ban so that's bullshit

but i'm saying like just be surgical about it and say fuck tiktok you know yeah should we go to callers for sure we'll go to callers and um sounds like it's not happening though right like it seems like that's dead in the water not gonna happen right i don't know i don't think so is it just like all fucking talk no it would have passed they wrote a thing that was like how many hundreds of pages but we stopped them like we we whinged enough to where they backed up. Lindsey Graham got made fun of and he's like, I'm not sponsoring that. And they're like, yeah, you are. Speaking of Lindsey, are you still fucking sponsoring that?

Let's get callers. Callers, callers. Who do we got? All right. We'll do Russian Kaluda first. Or Russia Kaluda. It sounds fun. What up?

What's up? You're with us. Hey, what's up, guys? How's it going? Pretty good. I had a question for Ryan and Danny about some of their content. I was wondering if you guys ever run into any people in some of your on-the-street videos who may not take very well to the subject matter, like encounters that might get a little spicy,

stuff that doesn't make the final cut to YouTube. And if so you got any like good war stories you could share with us i feel like i do include most of it probably but like the truth was when i was younger it was like some of the old stuff was like my because you kind of get better at it and it's like and funnier like when i was young the only game in town was like let's do something till we get kicked out right but i will say though don't you remember like right when we moved to new york so i was actually right i was like hey can you just help me film a thing in unisquare so i was filming the only time we had just moved to new york and i was like i never am behind and i'm saying do hot dogs and then yeah he was asking the hot dogs and the guy was like threatening

to stab right in the eye with a pencil and i I was like, all right, this is pretty serious. I was like, this is too spicy for me. I'm out of here. Yeah. Because when I was when I felt like when I was younger, I was like, you're more crazy where I was just like, you like want that. Like almost like you're like if a guy punched me. Awesome. Like, you know what I mean?

You just kind of, oh, if I get arrested, like whatever it is, like that's what you want now i feel like at like you know at in my fucking 30s if i was in union square getting like beat up and like i'm kind of like popular people are like filming it's like almost like maybe a little embarrassing yeah so that's why i feel like a different thing i try to be more like clever than just like wait trying to get a guy to beat me up now but back in the day that was what my biggest so this is my biggest technique is and this is the last thing i'll say i feel like i'm going on forever but my uh my biggest technique was and i i pride myself in is that i used to be a professional at when cops came i could take the memory card out of the camera and replace it with a different memory card without looking

and i had that like i had that down to a science so i'd have a memory card in my sock and while the cops were talking i would take the camera and i could do you know how like magicians i could i could take the old memory card put the other one out and then show them that i'm deleting the card and i did that in front of cops when i was a kid that was like one of my moves that i was like a magician with do you still have the pencil guy that one's on youtube it's a that was eating a hot dog make you gay that was also the one with that day we did the was that that day titties with the kamala harris it was a couple days we did that so i don't know if it's exactly i remember i remember no it was right around there because i was like right that was the only day when the ladies flipped out but that one's on youtube i usually put them up yeah right on did that satisfy your question that's that's some

next level adaptation right there for sure that's why you guys are killing it oh yeah thanks brother right on man thanks for calling yes i'm meeting a little over there sorry about that bro uh let's do uh flair the hate bound that's pretty sick what's up you're with us man what up flair i imagine you're a man so hey guys how's it going? Can you hear me? Yeah, what's up? Awesome. So, I had a hard time phrasing this question, but anyone can answer it.

So, with the possible banning of TikTok, why do you think it's already banned for government officials if they already know that it's Chinese spyware. If the banning gets blocked, doesn't that seem like there's something going on that's contradicting? Because, you know, in Chicago, politicians are allowed to have guns, but you're not.

In the United States, they've banned government officials from using TikTok because they know it's going to fuck you up and it's going to steal your data, but they don't give a shit about the rest of us. They did the same thing with BlackBerry. The ban for the government? Back in the day.

Remember Obama couldn't have a BlackBerry. Remember he had a BlackBerry and he was like crying about it because he wanted to... Yeah, they're like, it's not secure. Oh, really?

Yeah. I think like for the government thing, it's more of just like over safety kind of thing. Like they're just being overly cautious because who knows? Yeah. Part of the reason why they haven't banned it for the US population is because of the

blowback that would occur. I mean, there's 150 million users in America. Half the people have TikTok. That's not real. There's no way that's true. I feel like that's not real either, but that's the figure that they provide. A bunch of bots and shit. I mean, you could have multiple accounts for sure.

What is that? This is like a duster for your computer keyboard, and then that's the fucking flying UFO. Yeah, I know what the flying UFO thing is. That's why I think banning TikTok isn't the right move, because it'll piss off so many people and they'll try and they'll retaliate. They did ban the ones here, though. I mean, to me, just from like,

whatever philosophy you have, like it's not that crazy that they're like, hey, you're not allowed to have our companies. We're not going to do that. China bans all sorts of apps. They ban Facebook and blah, blah, blah. They have to make their own China ones. Yeah, they ban mines.

Yeah, so it's kind of like, there is something about if you're a country, you can be like, yeah, if you ban our stuff, we'll ban your stuff. Why are we letting China drive our kids to suicide? Why are we letting them fly balloons over our country? What the fuck is going on? I think that, but rather than smash it and shut it down and cause people to backlash,

you make them shut themselves down. Or make it have like be an American company that's like not. Wasn't the whole thing with Trump where he's like Walmart was going to buy? Remember when they were like Walmart's going to buy the American TikTok? And then it was like Adobe or something. Well, yeah, because the TikTok guy, when he did the thing, they're basically like,

hey, did you talk to the Chinese like Xi Jinping before this interview? And he was like, well, did I talk to him? What do you mean by talk? I mean, a lot of people are trying to move and sounds came out, maybe. But you know, is that talking?

I don't know. Like kind of what happened. It's a pretty common name in China. Yeah, exactly. Well, it's like because, you know is that talking i don't know like i know what happened pretty common name in china yeah exactly well it's like because you know the company the government can tell their company what to do so whatever that's a that's i guess that's a different thing from what you guys are saying to some degree but oh they own those companies i mean not wholly but it just seems odd to me that like they're worried about you know the military or whoever well they're worried about the military or whoever. Well, they're worried.

Yeah, they're like, you're worried about your secrets. But hundreds of millions of Americans use TikTok every day. I don't believe that. You have certain people who know more than others. They're not concerned about that. That number makes no sense, 150 million Americans. Yeah. That's just not true

I talk to the average person and I'll be like do you guys use TikTok? I'll tell you one thing though go on a plane if you're on the subway in New York City everybody's on their phones more so than other ones in my opinion well there are over 150 million users

in the United States but I bet a lot of those are multiple accounts I have more than one account I had two accounts over 150 million users in the United States, but I bet a lot of those are pots. That's multiple accounts. And that's multiple accounts. I have more than one account. I have two accounts. I had two accounts. So it doesn't say unique daily users. That's a different thing than users.

Yeah, okay, there you go. Yeah, okay. So that means one person opened the app 50 times. It's a confusing situation with you bringing up those kids committing suicide or just the one kid.

Like, I'm just concerned how far that's going to go. Well, that's one that we know about. I feel like that argument, though, there is the same thing. I don't know. How many little girls cut their tits off because of TikTok? I know it's unqualified. You want to know this?

You want to talk about crazy odds? There are three female Canadian comedians who have all had elective mastectomies. I know them them all three of them wow like what are the fucking three out of a thousand was it three out of 200 three out of 200 yeah like all the female comedians in canada three of them have had elective mastectomies yes that i know personally why i mean because they're women because women are more susceptible to social pressures than men you know how crazy that that is? That's wild. Three of them?

Yeah. Like, none of them had cancer. Look at the Mr. Beast guy. In 2016, he was posting Hitler memes. In 2023, he's taking hormones to grow tits. What do you think's happening with that? He's just doing whatever the algorithm tells him to do. Back during the Trump era, these memes were edgy and fun, and everybody was getting clicks from them.

And now that all of it's banned, the trans stuff gets gets you click so he's doing whatever he has to do i think uh long hair is less funny than short hair because when you if you're doing physical comedy you turn it distracts from the movement like you want it to be like a plastic head you know what else on top of that no one wants to hear how the world works from a guy with long hair on stage like if you're a podcaster people get to know you and you have an audience, but when on stage and he's like, I'll tell you how it works, you're like, alright, take it easy, long hair. Put that shit up in a ponytail and come back and tell us.

I had long hair and I cut it and I found stand-up was easier after I cut it. Absolutely. Let's go back to the callers, though. Jim Carrey has it down. That's why he has his hair so tight to his head all the time. All that physical comedy. And maybe it's the same thing with boobs. I don't know. I don't know if you turn really fast.

Yeah. I mean, that, that seems fine. It's a complicated question. So I'm sure you guys answered it pretty well. Well, what's that?

I mean, you can say what's their rationale. Like what would they, would they say that? Well, the reason is because like, yeah, we're like,

we can't take risks with government secrets we can take risks with whatever the fuck you're doing yeah probably they don't care but they care more about the state than they care about the individual i think you've got to protect the government first yeah i mean you know that's any government continuity of government is the key to the country's success because that's an easy thing to just say hey no, no more TikTok for the government. All right, man. Thanks for calling in. Maybe don't do the restrict that because that sounds dangerous. Yeah, no one's signed on to it

since March 29th. Oh, sorry. Anyways. Right on, man. Thanks for calling. Thanks, man. Protect the government. Fuck yes. It's an ongoing conversation, this TikTok thing. Doc Hubert. Yeah, let's roll that. What up?

Doc Hubert. What's good? Hey, hey. Glad to be back. Noah Sanders here. Oh, what's up? We've got a question for Tim. So a coffee shop is only going to be busy for so many hours out of the day.

Have you had any consideration of using the new brick and mortar location as a comedy or music venue? Yes. So it can support more funny and talented people who don't hate us. There's going to be a stage, but it can reasonably fit maybe like 50 to 75 people. So it won't be the biggest venue. It's not that big. That's the thing.

It's got a second and third floor, so there's a decent amount of square footage. I think it's like 9,000 or 10,000, but thousand but it's split into three so you can only do so much with it what floor are you putting the stage on first in the coffee shop that's cool then we got to build the bar so we're figuring out where everything's going to go but there will be a small stage for small performances not like big band stuff but you could do small band stuff and you could do stand-up comedy so we'll probably do a lot of comedy nice yeah we'll just have you guys come in and figure it out for us that's cool So we'll probably do a lot of comedy. Nice. Yeah, we'll just have you guys come in and figure it out for us.

That's cool, dude. We'll call your friends. Well, I also think it may be an open mic deal for the customers and for the members that might be coming through or that are in town. I think that would also be a good way to drive in people on a weeknight. Absolutely.

I love open mic nights. I'll even come down. Yeah, sounds good. Yeah. Oh, that'd be great to see. We'll do big stuff. We'll have these guys. Coffee shop is a cool idea, though. It's the best way to... You kind of are buying property, right?

You buy the thing and then you... That's our buddy. That's his whole model, right? Yeah, in Toronto. Right on, man. Anything else? Nope. I can't wait to see uh ryan next week in uh in atlanta me and my brother are gonna go see you yeah excited about that that's great dude come say hi chris from brooklyn's coming too so yeah come say hi that'll be sick all right oh yeah we'll do right on man thank you so much thanks

later doc let's see. We got Not Adams tweets. You're on the air. What's good? Howdy, y'all. Howdy. My question was for Ryan and Danny, too, I guess. I guess. I guess.

You were good, too. That's what you were good too that's the you were good too can't figure out this person's talk you're live right there we can hear you but now you're muted if you're just one sec sorry there you are there you go we were just on a second ago okay uh now you figured it out yep so basically i know you're in new york for the comedy scene but with how bad the cities are being shown to be getting how bad would it have to actually get for you to finally leave and where would you end up going it's funny like i was actually thinking of this in the context because this is like people always kind of talk about this

and there is like it's kind of like when i went to high school there was like you know multiple shootings and it was like you know people were high school, there was like, you know, multiple shootings. And it was like, you know, people were always getting jumped. And then like we had security guards and like you will go through a metal detector before I went to my school. And I really thought nothing of it because it was just very regular. Literally until something happens to you. Yeah. It's fine.

So it's like, to me, I don't like see. To be honest, the only time I like you see like all the homeless stuff and it's like kind of gross sometimes they'd be like see shit on the sidewalk or whatever like that but like my experience is like there's cool bars like it's the center for comedy clubs like i love going to comedy clubs like it's the where all the comedians i mean i can tell you that we don't personally know i know one person who's been like of all the people i know in new york who have ever been a victim of any crime and well i think so it just doesn't like yeah are you right we know a guy though like you know a comedian he was on the bathhouse last night and he was uh this woman i think tim

you're like like two in the morning this is probably like 10 years ago he he talks about this on uh this is not happening it's on youtube but he was uh on a subway platform and basically intervened for this woman who's getting raped at like four in the morning on a subway platform. And the guy literally slashed his face. Like he has a huge scar. Cause he like intervened to like stop this woman. And the guy got away. And his eyes like all messed up.

No, his eyes are not messed up. You're talking about Alex. That's who I am thinking of. That happened to him too. No, that's this guy in Vancouver. We know someone broke into his house thinking that it was someone else's house and thought it was like a guy who, a drug guy who owed him money and smashed his face with a hammer.

Whoa, jeez. And he lost his eye. But this is in Canada. Holy shit. This is in Canada. Yeah, but the bottom line is it's just not my day-to-day experience. My experience is I Uber to my studio. Then we do our podcast.

We go film stuff. Then I go to comedy clubs and hang out at a comedy club. We also live in Manhattan. we do we go film stuff then i go i go to comedy clubs well you got a comedy club you guys get uh groped and women taking pictures of your asses all the time but it's so normal that you don't complain about it that is true we i guess we are like privileged you might want to say but like we live in manhattan yeah like someone who's like yeah i live in east new york their reality is we don't live in harlem much different than you know like the worst thing you guys have to worry about is like maybe like antifa showing up and then mercilessly beating you in the street yeah but that's only that's

only summers the summer is during election years yeah exactly exactly yeah it's it's not as bad as i would i always say what are you optimizing for like if the thing i needed to do like the city being more rough wouldn't affect me one way or the other if like i had plans like hey i'm like i want to do this and this is the best city to do it i think that's the reason i would make all my decisions i would probably not you know there might be like money reasons where i'm like oh it's like this tax stuff's too high you know like that but like i don't think i'd make my decisions based on like being dangerous like if anything it's more dangerous to be there you know what i just

have to remember because maybe we're lucky because we're like larger but our friend gavin matts he was walking to the stand like two months ago and some guy robbed him for 20 bucks oh yeah yeah so there's a point uh no he didn't even show a weapon he just was like i'm going and he was like i have 20 bucks what would happen if like let me let me know your ass like you're walking down new york and then some dude walks up to you and he's like, motherfucker, give me all your money. And you go, gay? What do you think they would do? That is a good strategy. I would run the fastest I've ever run in my life

in any scenario like that. Yeah, they don't really chase. Nah. You just gotta be like, gay? Gay? And they're like, your money, bitch. No English. No English? For your money. You give me money? No English. You're like your money bitch no English no English

for your money you give me money no English you give me your money you want to give me money I go no no I don't need your money other people are like

I don't need your money thank you sir yeah just what kind of person you are and then the guy gets really depressed he's like man I'm just trying to

take the money from you what don't you understand I'm a loser even at robbing people. And then you hug the guy and he cried. You must have lived in some rough, like you've lived in cities, right? Yeah, that's why I got the fuck out.

But did you find that you felt unsafe? It's like, yes, but you don't care. Yeah, that's how I feel. I'm like, yeah, I guess. You don't care you know that's how i feel like i'm like yeah i guess even like you don't you don't walk down a dark alley at night you don't use the atm if it's dark out of course you avoid certain streets and alleys i mean i uber everywhere now when the gunshots go off you lie flat in the ground until it clears yeah exactly and then you're just like this happens all the time yeah so there's like there's good parts and bad parts of it when i when i was in

high school i should say high school age because i didn't go to high school there was a fight and then is fucking hilarious story like everybody from the school walks two blocks to the uh which which that to the east to have the fight away from the school ground yeah and then there's a big ring of people and they're all in the middle of the street on a residential uh on a residential street they're fighting one dude just cranks it knocks the other guy down who falls down hits the ground and then the other guy starts going like yeah the guy in the ground reaches under a car and pulls out a two by four gets up and goes all right bitch you want to go and then he bangs it on the ground twice and then the other guy goes we said no

weapons motherfucker and then he pulls out a gun and then someone goes strap and then everybody runs what is strip man strap strap yeah and then everybody and then my friend was laughing his ass off yeah that would be like funny he's got the best fight he was like that black woman was yelling strap like that's chicago for you that's me 14 years old in chicago that's what a high school fight was like i remember that yeah what he's saying is like they were a big fight like that and the one guy pushed a guy and he was a big col Colombian guy and then he pushed him and a wrench fell out of his sleeve and the other guy goes, oh, you've got the wrench

now! Oh, you've got the wrench now! There's a legendary line at our high school. Oh, you've got the wrench now! I kind of have the perfect contrast because I live in a small city, kind of, but I live right next to a huge one so

where do you live seeing the like going into the big city and seeing like people pissing on the street and shitting on the street and sleeping and fun for the violence and the robberies and shootings and stuff it makes me completely want to stay out of it ryan wants to know where your house is so he can address please yeah well uh danny you actually dm'd me i dm'd you and you talked about coming over here towards the omaha area okay oh we did the funny bone there funny stuff yeah yeah yeah oh nebraska we did the funny bone and all that's that's where that uh bar owner was defending the life of his dad and got went to jail for it and killed himself oh yeah they basically with that situation everybody in this whole area just all over facebook they were calling him racist and a

nazi and they started doing conspiracy theories about the names of his bars saying that he put nazi symbolism in them because they had lines and stuff like that what the fuck you know what's really crazy sorry a little off topic but the fact that in the last week there have been two different cases of some kid who goes to the wrong address and gets killed yeah a girl and a girl and the guy well the guy but then there was a girl she literally pulled into a driveway the guy shot the car and the guy literally just like saw a car pulling into his driveway he goes she's gonna kill the person these stories are always bullshit and they're always missing context yeah what happened that story was the guy had a problem with trespassers and had apparently put up signs or issued warnings that he would attack trespassers at this point, which is wrong.

I'm just saying it's not— That's it? Right. I'm not saying the story is— Not that much context. But people are saying a woman randomly jumped in this guy's house, so he shot her. It's like, actually, a guy who was plagued by trespassers on his land shot her it's a little bit yeah yeah but i'm saying like she didn't even get out of her car like i've right you know sometimes you're like turning around you go

just find a i've done that also but also this isn't i don't believe the man's intention was to kill he fired a 12 gauge and happened to have struck her killing her i mean if i shoot something i'm expecting to kill it the point is there's a guy going i'm gonna kill this motherfucker and a guy being like these goddamn motherfuckers and then firing at a car not thinking it's gonna kill anybody it's stupid it's wrong and he's responsible for the death i'm just saying understanding the full details of what happened that didn't seem like that much more detail but the narrative people are spreading around is that he he like just saw

this girl and tried to kill her yeah like oh no he's just i i thought it was like there's someone on my property i kind of thought it was that and then the kid ralph yarrow that one was trying to enter the house that one i can understand being like an old man and like you don't see people very often and all of a sudden someone just like is trying to get into your house and then whatever i and i don't know i heard he went inside that like that one o'clock at night that one i'm like i'm more c i'm like i don't get like i could see like an old person i know being like started on heaven gun he did what i don't see is them like coming outside and shooting a car that one and the thing is i've never entered a house accidentally because i was at the wrong place but i definitely

pulled into someone's driveway to turn around i had had a guy get in my car once. I, me too, actually. I was, I was, uh, like they thought you were an Uber. Yup.

I was in Chicago and I was parked on the side waiting for a friend and a guy gets in my car and then sits down and then I go, what the fuck? And he goes, uh, Uber. And I was like, fuck no.

And he was like, Oh shit, dude, I've been the guy. I had that happen to me in uh like liberty village area which was like kind of like this grimy area in toronto and this was before i mean no no this is like uh 10 years ago before uber like we're like basically near dufferin and king and uh this guy literally got in my car i was out of light and i the guy just got in my car uber didn't exist at

this point he thought he was screwed and now he's like i'm just gonna catch a ride and i was like what i'm like i'm like no get out and he's like and thought you were screwed. And now he's like, I'm just going to catch a ride. And I was like, what? I'm like, no, get out. And he's like, and he was like, really? But he was like a really, he was like a junkie or something. And I was like, hold on.

Come on, man. I swear to God. Yeah, you do. He just got in my front seat. He opened my door and he just got in. He just go, oh, I'm actually here. I'm parking right now. But I was out of light.

And he was like, yeah, I'm parking right there across the street, buddy. Like, this is where I'm getting off. That's what you do. Yeah. And honestly, I was like, and then he just like got out. And I was like, what just like yeah i'm parking right there across street buddy like this is this where i'm getting that's what you do yeah and honestly i was like and then he just like got out and i was like what just happened you know you should have done you should have went gay no no no uber no no taxi no taxi so do you just lock your doors every time neurotically now

i don't drive anymore but erotically lock, lock your doors. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But honestly, I was like, what is going on? There was a story apparently in Chicago where a firefighter was in his car

and his window was rolled down and a guy walked up at a red light, put the gun to his chest and said, get the fuck out of the car. He slammed the gas

and the guy went, pop, pop, killed him. What a, oh, he thought he was going to pull like a move to get away. No, the guy just said, you're dead.

You didn't do what I said. No, but the guy in the car thought like, oh, I'll get away. No, the guy just said, you're dead. You didn't do what I said. No, but the guy in the car thought like, oh, I'll get away. Like I'm not prepared for this. Well, there's a lot of people who are just like, yeah, you're not taking my car. There's another story that I only know from third hand or second hand.

Give them your car, yeah. So where I lived, there was a party about a mile east and some people who were going to the party, it was a car with like four people in it, pulled up, I guess to like roll a joint or something. So one block over, but they didn't realize they parked in front of a dealer's house. The dealer walks up and taps on the window,

what you want? And they said, fuck off. And he goes, the fuck you saying to me? I said, fuck off. And he goes bang, bang into the car and just killed the dude in the passenger seat. Yeah, I mean, something happened like that in the last couple of days

where there was some woman in Louisiana, actually. She just like was in the wrong neighborhood. And some drug dealers were like, I thought that there's the same car as someone who had shot at them. You die. Killed her. So that's what bothers me about that Ralph Yarl stories. It's not news.

Yeah. It's like, it's sad. I actually agree with that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, and also like the girl who got shot is because it was like literally the same race of people.

They're like there's no story here and then there was the little girl whose basketball bounced into the neighbor's driveway so he came out

and shot the little girl and the mom what? what? when was that? today it's another story that's out right now so what happened

to that one? that's it he shot a little girl yeah so I psycho the shit we're seeing in Chicago

it's getting scary what the state senator said is that Chicago is a mess. This mob of black teenagers were protesting segregation. That's why they were going around smashing up neighborhoods and beating a white woman and all that shit. Did you see the mayor, the incoming mayor of Chicago being like, kids are kids. It's just going to be kids, man. Boys will be boys.

A buddy of mine who's in Seattle told me that there was a, you know, they have like the homeless encampments. So basically they had all these homeless people that were living in, but they had like the prime real estate. So it was like a real nice encampment. They had a place that had like the plug in their generator. Like they were cooking. Right. And then there was maybe like, then all the other homeless people came and too many homeless people were coming to their encampment. So the homeless people pooled their money together and hired a bouncer so they basically

created like they kicked it yeah they had a security guard in their homeless and kicking out other homeless people and he was like it was like south park like yeah but that's apparently like actually what's going on like because they're like yeah they had the best homeless spot and they hired a bouncer to be like formation of government yeah that's yeah seriously that is like this natural organization of things exactly you just leave people to this stuff and then they and yeah yeah the other people were like well it's our stuff too and they were like you know what we need to elect somebody in charge of this homeless private property yeah so i guess to answer your question ryan you're staying in new york i think new york

is like as much shit as it gets and um i don't feel this way for la i feel like la is kind of a depressing city i think that like new york is like a cool city in like a romantic way and not to be it's cool just quality life's not the best but it is a very cool it's gonna be real funny when like shit it's the fan and you guys are like in loincloths fighting other new yorkers yeah i'm going back to canada i don't know what you think about that you're gonna be like you're just like you devolve you lose the ability to speak properly we see you we're not poor and you're like hunched over with a stick and you're like like ryan ryan what happened to you like ryan tim beans tim sounds like my mom aren't you gonna be to be worried? All the crime?

No. I mean, it's like one of the coolest cities in the world, man. Like, it just, you know, every positive comes with a negative. It's like cram 8 million people in a tiny little island. It's like, it's going to get wild. And then on top of that, obviously, there is a component, whereas like all the policies make it worse or whatever. My favorite thing about it is we put up these billboards in Times times square and then we went to go check them out we like flew the crew down people on the billboards and that morning some guy walked up a woman and just

slashed her it's like for no reason slashing is a big deal that's scary yeah slashing actually stresses me out what if like you know like what if they slash you that's true slashing stresses me out that's the only one people were calling me crazy when i moved to new york i was like i'd be at the gym watching news and they're like another face slashing on the union you were talking he's the reason he was talking no because it's like i like i didn't know face slashing was like a thing in ireland in 1920 yeah and like guys if they slash your face your careers are over yeah or they're better they're better you guys ever go to ann ch on Orchard Street? It's the best.

I think it's... Chinese food? All right. No, Vietnamese food. Get the pho. It's fucking phenomenal. Okay, cool. No, hey, there's a Venezuelan restaurant where they actually take the arepa and they take the avocado and the chicken, they mash it up and they stick it in, they put the cheese

on top. Okay. Well, if you guys take a train and a plane, there's probably a good restaurant somewhere. We might have to go to New York for like a week of shows or something. You should come. I think you have a comedy cellar. No, no, but some of those places. I think you'd see like feel the magic a little

if you kind of spend it. There's some big shows, some big political commentators that want to have me on in various cities. So we're like I'll do a New York one. There's a New York one and there's an la one we're considering so we might end up cool i'm all in man but we might what i would probably do is maybe like jersey just stay the fuck away from new york we should go to new york i think that it might be uh smart like for any for a million reasons like i don't think it's gonna hurt your draw that much like you know what

i mean and on top of that it's like you'll get a way better venue. It's like, no, no, no, no, no. Stay in Jersey. We're going to do our show normal at night, but I need to be in New York so that I can go on a Wednesday and do a live in studio show. Oh, but you'll stay in New Jersey.

But we'll be in New Jersey for the week just doing a normal IRL show in a pop-up studio. Oh, yeah. Totally. Yeah, no, I wouldn't do a New York venue.

Fuck those people. They did the vax mandates. They all deserve to go out of business as far as I'm concerned. Live from the suburbs. Anyway, did we, I. They did the vax mandates. They all deserve to go out of business as far as I'm concerned. Live from the suburbs. Anyway, I think we answered the question. Yeah, we answered the question. It is a big thing that people

ask. They're like, why the hell do you live there? Right on, man. Thanks for calling in. Boys, boys, boys. Boys, boys, boys. I want to see you guys do a collab with Seamus Coughlin Where does he live now? I don't know he's going to be here on Sunday

Normally I think he's out of Georgia He's going to be here He was going to do a cartoon at one point Didn't you do a voice for something? I did the voice last time I was here You did it for us You were Roberto Anime style

That was really good That's sort of a collab for the chicken stuff. Yeah, you were Roberto. Yeah, Roberto. And then I was Roberto Jr. Anime style. Yeah, that was really good. That was fun. That's sort of a collab that you did. Yeah, he's Roberto and I was Roberto Jr. And they fought. So it's 11 o'clock.

You guys got one more caller? You want to wrap it? No, that's it. We're wrapped. Thanks for hanging out. That's fucking awesome. Yeah, thanks, boys. Thank you, as always.

I don't normally close the show out like that. Thank you, members. That's right. Thank you, members, for being members. Thank the boys for hanging out with the boys. you members that's right yeah thank you members for being members thank the boys for hanging out with the boys look forward to having you guys on our what we're doing poker with the boys it's a show we're launching so look forward to having you guys

are you poker with the boys it's called poker with the boys that's cool yeah we're we're working on it we got it so here's i'll say one last thing. So in West Virginia, poker is illegal in West Virginia, but online poker is legal. So I'm talking to the state and I'm like, what if I set up a poker table? And instead of cards and chips, we gave everyone a tablet. And then you get this like tablet at your seat. Technically. And then your cards are digital and your chips are digital and it's over the internet. And they were like, I think that's legal.

And I'm like, well, fuck it. So, all right, everybody. Thanks for hanging out. We'll wrap it up here. over the internet and they were like i think that's legal and i'm like well fuck it yeah so all right everybody thanks for hanging out we'll wrap it up here and uh we got it we got a fun show tomorrow night with a i think i should just say it i guess i think milo milo yiannopoulos is here we're having a big destiny debate recently yeah so uh tomorrow will be fun and then we're hanging out with mark pellegrino in the morning so that that'll be fun too. Thanks for hanging out everybody. And we'll see y'all tomorrow.