Timcast IRL - TimcastIRL #32 - New Trend Has Kids LICKING TOILETS, The Coronavirus Challenge

Episode Date: March 24, 2020

In today's podcast, new apocalypse trends have people licking things, coughing on people, and generally behaving badly with some negative results.  Then attention is turned to the instructive guide New York has issue for taking care of yourself during the time of the 'virus And finally, some end-time prophesies and biblical plagues to end the show.  Merch - https://teespring.com/stores/timcast-2 Support the show (http://Timcast.com/donate) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's going on everybody welcome to show I am Tim and this is oh, I'm Adam. Hey, what oh, I got a flying saucer Oh cool. That looks amazing See, I'm getting abducted. Yo, that's cool So we are there after me we got this I got this cool thing. Well go back to Adam go back to show Look at that. Yes. They on me. It's it's like it's it's spinning the other way my close-up So that UFO thing is levitating and for some I don't know why it's spinning. That's cool though. It just spins. I'm doing that with my mind. Spinning it. That looks cool.

I like the depth of focus too. What's going on everybody? Welcome to the show. We got a bunch of fun stories. Oh, what's going on? Why are they all saying F? Oh, I don't know. I think they're saying F because I said F. Oh, okay. I'm like, are we down again? There's a stream. You can't do that unless we're not up. No, no, no. I'm watching us. We're good. We're good. Oh, okay. I'm like, are we down again? There's a stream down. Guys, you can't do that unless we're not up.

No, no, no. I'm watching this. We're good. We're good. Oh, hey. What's going on? What's up, everybody? So apparently, everybody was talking about this before, and some other people have done

it. They're licking toilets. They're licking stuff. Dude, it's the same thing as when those people were drinking, mouthwash, and spitting it back up. These people are insane. They just want to be someone. They want to be a someone.

Now she's a toilet someone. She's Toilet Girl. She's Toilet Girl. Toilet Girl. Toilet Girl. Toilet Girl. Toilet Girl. From now on, the woman...

What's your superpower? Who licked the toilet will be known as... Toilet Girl. I lick the toilet and that's my superpower. I do. Look at her. That's all it is she's toilet toilet girl oh my gosh toilet girl congratulations you licked a toilet and now you are toilet girl that is your superpower okay all right let's let's be for real let's let's uh hey how's it going if you want to have us read your comments go in the super chat and super chat stuff and we will read the stuff that you type

and uh if you want to help support the show and become a member, get access to the full-length podcast if you've ever missed a live stream, click the Join button down below or go to youtube.com slash timcast IRL slash join. And we got a bunch of stories. The Olympics are canceled. The environment is getting better, and it's the apocalypse. Yep. There's a whole bunch of apocalyptic signs.

Ain't no thing. And I thought it'd be fun to pull them up. So apparently some lady predicted this like 20 years ago. Oh, yeah? She said in 2020, a pneumonia would spread. Yeah, she wrote in a book. And, you know, it's like Nostradamus. You make a million predictions.

One of them comes right. Everyone thinks it's true. But there's also locust swarms in different parts of the world right now. That's weird. Really weird. Signs of the apocalypse. Yeah, yeah. The apocalypse is here.

But the first story we're going to get to is Toilet Girl. Toilet Girl. So actually, before I do that, I got to give a shout out to this Kickstarter

for Snow White Zombie Apocalypse. So I'll tell you a quick story while we're getting started. This is from a dude named Brent Lengel and he is a lefty dude on Facebook.

I argue with all the time, but he's a cool dude and we get into funny arguments. And so he wrote this comic called Snow White Zombie Apocalypse, where Snow White awakens 28 days later. And it's funny. So I ended up buying one of his comics, and I liked it. And so I told him I actually am one of the people who kicked the Kickstarter for him.

And so I'm just giving a shout out. You guys check it out, Snow White Zombie Apocalypse on Kickstarter if you're interested in checking out his thing. I think it's cool. Like one of the main reasons I really wanted to do it is because, you know, I argue with people all the time on the internet. And it's sometimes, especially now

with how crazy everything's gotten with like the world on fire. You know, it's important to focus on what we agree on and what we like. And, you know, I don't know. Zombie apocalypse stuff is fun. Particularly now, I don't know't know so uh you know i'll give him a shout out and uh i think it's cool i think it was a cool comic it was fun so this is going to be for the sequel so if you're interested you can check it out but uh let's jump over to the first story about uh this one toilet

girl toilet the story is uh strangely this is from i don't know what global news is this is the chinese propaganda website or something oh no this is the can I don't know what Global News is. Is this the Chinese propaganda website or something? Oh, no. This is the Canadian website. Oh, wait. Maybe it is the propaganda website. I don't know. Well, I mean, there's not much propaganda in here. Oh, no. This one's not it.

I'm thinking of a different website. It's pretty terrible. It's pretty straightforward. The Corona Challenge. How are you going to spin this one? TikTok star. No. Okay.

Films herself licking airplane toilet seat. Is she a star? Is that a thing? A TikTok star? She should get a toilet lid on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. A toilet bowl named after her? No, she's not. There you go.

The coronavirus challenge. She is indeed licking a toilet. That's like full lick too. That's not just the tip of the tongue. That's like full lick too. That's not just like the tip of the tongue. That's like from side to side. You know what's funny about it though? That's a full on lick, man. She's obviously embarrassed about it because she posted to her Twitter.

So this is the original video. And she didn't even get that much attention. It's like, dude, you licked a toilet seat for 580,000 views. Like there are people who film their dog getting belly rubs who get more views than that. I know it's true. And you're like, oh, like a toilet seat. So the funny thing is this woman apparently, she like posted this video. Okay.

And it's so obvious she's really embarrassed by it. Oh, really? But it seems like she's trying to play it off. RT me trolling international news, SKSK, whatever. Nah. When you watch it, she she's like it was my sugar daddy's airplane and it was clean and I don't like old people

so that's why I did it and it's like wouldn't she get the coronavirus if that was the case old person or not you're the one licking the toilet seat if you don't like someone you make them lick the toilet you don't do it it's not like voodoo.

This is gross. But here's the thing. She tries justifying licking the toilet by saying it was a private airplane toilet. Oh, sure. It's like, wait, wait, hold on.

I thought you would have said I cleaned it first. Yeah, you'd think that. No, she's like, it was a private plane. I'm like, that doesn't make it better. So there was only like four people that used it instead.

So you're licking the butts of the other handful of people. I mean, maybe she's into licking butts anyway. She's not the only one. You know, whatever. Some people are into that. The whole generation. Dude, what about somebody who licked like a public toilet? Did it catch on?

Yeah. I'm just curious. Were there a bunch of other people licking toilets? Oh, my goodness. And you know what, man? Oh, yeah. Sorry. There you go. These people. Oh, my goodness. I'm just curious. Were there a bunch of other people licking toilets? Oh, my goodness. And you know what, man? Oh, yeah. Sorry. There you go.

Oh, my goodness. Toilet boy. Toilet boy and toilet girl. Toilet boy and toilet girl. Here's the thing, though. They want the attention. Now, here's the thing. This guy really does want the attention.

Yeah. He's all about it because he's done a bunch of things like this before. It's his thing. Oh, okay. His whole bit is being like, I't know a pathetic loser i'm not i'm not saying that to insult him i'm saying like it's his bit like oh he does these things okay okay so because then after this he's in the hospital like oh no now i have the virus like he's trying to play it up like he's a loser to get clicks and traffic he did a fake video that he had the virus in a hospital

bed or something he was it he made a really short video that he had the virus in a hospital bed or something? He made a really short video that looks like he's in a hospital bed. Oh my goodness. Here's the thing, right? If that chick who licked a toilet ended up testing positive for coronavirus, everyone would make fun of her. He's trying to get made fun of. That's why I'm reticent to

even talk about this guy. No, it's not true. The funny thing is this is like a public restroom toilet and apparently he got banned for it. even talk about this guy yeah right because they know it's it's not true the funny thing is so this is like a public restroom toilet and apparently he got he got banned for it oh well good yeah they're saying out of here uh who was part of the ava louise toilet seat licking i'm sorry it's toilet girl toilet girl yeah toilet seat licking trend oh man dude from now on whenever like if she ever does anything she's toilet girl yeah I mean I never I've never even heard of this person before now it's just a lot

girl but why would I want to remember her name true so you know she's toilet girl cuz you know no no no no no no no no I see a friend so but oh you're the toilet girl oh you're the person who licked toilet oh yeah yeah that's disgusting you're disgusting whatever you do is gross you're like oh yeah toilet girl that girl, that's disgusting. You're disgusting. Whatever you do is gross now. You'd be like, oh, aren't you the toilet girl? Aren't you that girl? Well, that's what she is for the rest of her life. Could you imagine that?

I mean, I guess I could imagine it, but I don't want to. Because she's like, she's just some dumb young person. And she was like, think about it. I feel bad because it's so pitiful. Yeah. You know what I mean? That's true. No, no, no. Pathetic is kind of harsh. It so pitiful. Yeah. You know what I mean? That's true. No, no, no.

Pathetic is kind of harsh. It's pitiful. Like, that's how much of a loser she is. That's how desperate she is for attention. That is kind of sad. Yeah, like, she has nothing going for her, and she's like, please love me. That's something, like, it makes me feel sad for her, you know?

Yeah. Like, I don't even cringe. Like, almost makes me feel. Oh, I cringed. Oh, I cringed. No, but I mean, I get it, but it makes me... I cringe again. No, no, no, no.

Cringe is when you feel embarrassment for someone else. What is it when you feel depression for someone else? Empathy? There's a term like the opposite of schadenfreude. Schadenfreude? Opposite of that? Yeah. Because now I imagine, like, what was going through her mind when she was like, the only

way people will really care about me is if I lick this toilet. Like, that's sad, dude. It's not empathy. about me is if I lick this toilet. It's sympathy. It's not empathy. It's not. It's not. I don't know. Maybe. Yeah.

But like, she's trying to come off like she's all tough. Like, but it was a private plane. It's like, man, I'm getting rid of this picture so people can don't have to look at it anymore. Oh, no way. There's more. I don't want to see it. There you go. This is fine.

Yeah. Moving on. I'm nasty. Moths. Effer. And then Petit Makiko says get the helicopter. Play the video.

What is it? Deodorant? What a smooth move. I'm pretty sure what he's doing is illegal, actually. Yeah, I think so. And they're filming their faces yeah this is how desperate they are on their own so you know you know it's funny i kind of thought about something you see how insane this is like actually let's go back

well i don't want to show the video of toilet girl again but but think about how sad and pathetic you have to be to lick a toilet seat yeah i was realized i realized this like the political discourse on twitter is the political equivalent of licking a toilet seat. It's true. Oh, okay. So, but, but think about it. Like she was like, if I lick this, people will give me attention.

Yeah. And so people. It wasn't even that much attention. Right. I mean, she, I mean, we're talking about it, but then. Yeah. We're making fun of her though. But then think about, um, you know, the politics on Twitter.

Yeah. It's, it's the word version of licking a toilet seat. Screeching like everyone's racist or a bigot. Orange man bad and all that stuff. Oh my gosh. It's like, how can I lick a toilet seat but say words? Yeah. I call it word vomit.

Word vomit, yeah. Yeah, but just basically like... Verbal diarrhea. Throwing up. Yeah, just... Yeah, I consider Twitter the wild west of the human brain. That's a very nice way of saying that. I mean, it kind of is, but I think it's different.

Imagine if you were able to cherry pick all of the toilet girls out of the country and put a camera on them. That's Twitter. I would like to think that not everyone on Twitter, because why am I on Twitter? I'm on Twitter. Not everybody. I will never lick a toilet. No, no, no. Here's the thing.

I had somebody ask me, how do you get so many followers on Twitter? And I was like, I don't know. Lick a toilet. No. Well, I guess. Well, she didn't get any followers from that. Oh, no, she didn't.

She really didn't, yeah. Here's what I did. Here's what I do. Here's my secret to getting Twitter followers. I'll be, like, sitting around, and I'll have a thought, and I'll pop Twitter, and I'll type it out, send it, and turn the phone off. I don't look. I don't interact with people.

Throughout the day, I'll have Twitter open. But my Twitter feed is mostly news personalities. Right, okay. So it's news organizations and journalists. And the people who follow me are more political. I don't check my mentions. So I literally open the app, send out a shower thought and i'm done i'll see something on the news and i'll be like oh and i'll send it and then of course people will go in start screeching

like banshees in my replies but i just i don't care and so there are a lot of people who lick toilet seats thinking they'll get followers from it she didn't or licking uh products in a pharmacy or something yeah yeah they're not gonna get they're not gonna get false front this dude who licked the other guy look toileticked the toilet who got banned, he didn't have any traffic. He didn't have any likes. He got like 500 likes. And people were like, imagine being this much of a loser.

The only thing is, this dude is like this guy who licked the toilet and got banned. He's trying to be a loser. You know what I mean? Is there a personality that was like that? Somebody who was purposefully trying to put on a character that was pathetic? Rodney Dangerfield? No.

Not really. Yeah, I liked him. Yeah, he was like... He dumped on himself constantly. That's true. Yeah, but that's different. He was self-deprecating. I don't know.

I'm just trying to... So when Rodney Dangerfield would say, like, I get no respect around here, you'd laugh because he's joking. He's a famous comedian. Right, okay. This dude licked a toilet, then pretended he got really sick then got banned that's what he was going for okay he wants people to laugh at him it's like exhibitionist or something what does it call when people have like a fetish for humility oh that would be humiliation that's

what he's into i guess like the guys on jackass subjugation but they're the thing about the guys on jackass is that yes they're like i can't about the guys on Jackass is that they're like, I can't name. I'm trying to think of anyone that is this low. That's that's already famous, but I don't know. The thing about the Jackass guys was you could call them losers, whatever,

but they were laughing and having a good time. Right. And we're choosing to do these things. Yeah. This guy was like, I looked at what, look at me. Oh no,

no, I'm sick. Oh God. And so the, the reason why I think he's going for that is because you'd, most people would be like, I licked a toilet. Look at me. Oh, no, no, I'm sick. Oh, God. And so the reason why I think he's going for that is because most people would be like, ha ha, he got the virus. That shows him, right? Trying to lick toilets.

Yeah. No, he's probably faking it. You know, he's trying to convince people. Someone wrote Tom Green. What about Tom Green? Yeah, but- He's pretty bad. Tom Green was-

He's kind of gross. He was, but he was assertive. Okay. What do you mean by that if tom green did something and then his show got canceled yeah then i'd be like oh wow like if like he was pretending like his show got canceled well i guess he probably had cancer didn't he do that i don't know yeah did he maybe i wouldn't i'm looking him up now but i can't see that no but that's a victim that's not that's not being a loser. Yeah. Like, Toilet Girl's a loser.

Yeah. Yeah. Like, she looked at Toilet and then she was like, oh, no, I mean, like, what are you trying to defend him for? I don't like old people. That's the reason I did it. It was a private plane. It was a private plane. You still lick the toilet, dude. Wait, wait, wait.

Hold on. There's more, though. There's more, though. There's more? Are you serious? Well, they're different. Okay. Okay.

Oh, my goodness. There you go. You can read that. Well, they're different. Okay. Okay. Oh my goodness. There you go. You can read that. All right. Man 21 is arrested for coughing in a Chicago cop's face of faces and claiming he had coronavirus after he got into the car crash. What? Where in your right mind do you think that you're not, they're not going to arrest you

or shoot you? Like I have coronavirus right in his face. Like, what do you think they're going to, they're going to throw you down, man. He was driving on the wrong side of the road. Okay. Look in his face. He's like, what do you think? They're going to throw you down, man. He was driving on the wrong side of the road. Okay, look at his face. That explains everything. Well, he probably got tased. Well, he should have.

He's like, I can't believe I did that. I'm such an idiot. His last name is Ponzi. Oh, my. Oof. Related to the late Charles Ponzi? It wasn't a very good scheme. They say he was driving his...

No, that was bad. He was driving his gray Jeep the wrong way on Wolcott Avenue and collided into another car. Whoa. Well, that's what happened. Exited the vehicle and allegedly attacked the other driver. Are you serious? What is going on? That's the end of the world.

Was he high or something? Maybe he did have coronavirus and it's a new strain that's causing people to be a little more zombie-like. Oh. Remember that guy in China who bit the- Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. So we ignored that. Yeah, we're like, maybe it's a new strain. COVID-20.

There's more. It was COVID-19, now it's COVID-20. It's upgrading. There's one more. Oh, I'm laughing, but I really don't want to believe it. No. So this one's this one's the least bad of all of them. New Jersey woman charged with falsely telling police she had the coronavirus. Hmm. In New Jersey. Oh, New Jersey. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, man. All right. So New Jersey woman was charged with falsely telling police she had coronavirus and attempting to pass it to officers police uh said tuesday uh this woman 28 purposefully coughed and breathed on police as they processed her arrest on march 12th wait so what was she arrested for something different uh she was driving while intoxicated oh okay just like the other guy yeah what the heck police arrested her after she was involved in a one-car crash while allegedly driving intoxicated. Hanover Township Police Captain Dave White told The Hill in a statement, White said that Piazza became belligerent while being questioned by the officers on scene

and started breathing on one officer even though he ordered her to stop. I order you to stop breathing on me. Stop breathing on me, ma'am. Stop breathing on me. That is pretty gross. to stop breathing on me. Stop breathing on me, ma'am. Stop breathing on me. That is pretty gross. Don't breathe on me. At the station, she continued before reportedly saying, oh, by the way, I have the coronavirus, and so now you do, too.

Wow. That's gross. Like, what do you think they're going to do? I think the world is- What's the point of that? I don't know. Why would you ever antagonize a cop? There is a bit of a-

I never have understood this. How do you say it properly? Schadenfreude? Schadenfreude? Schadenfreude? Well, I didn't write that. Taking joy in someone else's downfall? I know, but it's literally her own downfall. No, no, no.

Not this one. I got one more. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Are you serious? There's more? Well, this one's a little different. I mean, I'm not really surprised.

After seeing all these stories of kids licking toilets and stuff like that, you know, like I was saying, the guy's trying to be a loser on purpose. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The toilet girl was just a loser in general. It really... None of them got the coronavirus. We presume. But what if a bunch of morons went out and partied

when they said, hey, there's an outbreak of this dangerous disease. And then they got sick. Oh, what if? Well, apparently that happened. Oh, my. Florida college students test positive for coronavirus after going on spring break. Our college students. Dude.

Why would you go on spring break? These were the people. They were told not to do it. These were the people that were doing drinking beer out of each other's butt cracks. Yeah, okay. I don't feel bad for them. Neither do I. I got nothing.

Yeah, nope. I don't feel bad for them. I feel bad for the hospitals. Yeah, seriously. Because guess what? Or their families. Yeah. Because their families, you know, who knows?

Dude, they're going to get everyone else sick. It's like that dude, that Gobert. Do you remember that guy? Yeah. And he was like, I'm going to touch everything. Touch all the mics. Yeah. Swirl the hand on the table and be like, yeah, I'm good.

Ha ha. Y'all think it's funny, but. It's not. Now I have coronavirus. Maybe we deserve the locusts. Well, those. I don't. They're not here yet. I'm staying home. They might be the locusts. Well, those... I don't. They're not here yet, but they might be.

That's right. I've been staying home like a good... Good boy. ...citizen. I was going to say a good citizen, but sure, good boy. Good boy. Yeah, so these kids went out and partied. Here's the worst part of it.

I was reading an article earlier from Vox. They interviewed a guy from Moody's. Okay. Moody's moody's analytics and they were the ones who they have this historically accurate presidential prediction model based on the economy and they said we are facing something that's akin or worse to the great depression something like that i don't know i'm paraphrasing but but when you look at the amount of unemployment claims it's a really fascinating story because basically what the guy says is

when it came to the great Depression, people wanted to work. They were willing to work. Some were working. Many were able, but there was a credit problem. The flow of currency to make the system work was busted. And so then people started panicking. They don't want to buy stuff. They started saving.

So they needed a stimulus to get people to feel like they could spend again, have confidence and to get the machine start churning. So they thought the government could step in, make these purchases confidently, because they had nothing to worry about. They could tax us and take whatever money, and put whatever money, right? And now get the machine going. So what the article said was that they didn't do enough. They didn't put enough into the stimulus. So it was a slow grind. And they said there was bickering between the parties. The problem right now, no one can work. Nobody wants to.

Well, the younger generation. No, no, no, no, no. We talked about it, though. No, no, no, no, no, no. We talked about it. The laziness. In the economy right now, unemployment is was was wiped clean. It was like the lowest in 65 years.

Yeah, yeah. Before this happened. Right. Yeah. And so what happens right now, we have the biggest workforce ready and willing and completely unable to work. True. That's why. That's why this is so

mind-numbing if we don't get the economy back going again going again soon it will be bedlam like you won't even realize these businesses will the businesses won't exist anymore yeah and you'll have a whole all of manhattan will be empty storefronts yeah because in in two or three months these people have walked away. And then all the spoods, all the food is spoiled. There's nothing left. The refrigerator's got to be,

like, it's, what? Spoods. Spoods. Spoods foiled. Yes. So all the food's spoiled. You walk back into these bodegas and what's there? You might have some product

that can last, but a couple months, that's a lot of food gone. Yeah. They're going to clean it out. All the machines got to be cleaned. Employees are gone. Some people might move on.

To what? We got to go home. Dude, if you live in Manhattan, you don't have a job for two months. Yeah. You move back home. That's true. Are you going to come back to New York? Some people won't.

Probably not. Now those companies might say, like, I need an employee and they can't find anybody. So it literally just ends after a certain point. We can only stand still for so long. So because of these people morons who are going around you know pouring beer on the butt cracks of other people and drinking it and licking toilet seats this is extending the the lockdown yeah well they're taking up ventilators too yeah dude that makes me look man if you want to i i got a deal here's my bargain all right if you want to

drink beer out of the butt crack of another person... Someone called it a butt chug. A butt chug? I thought that was hilarious. Great comment, by the way. You do you, but come on. Do your thing, man. Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. Butt chug. All day and night. In fact, I'll tell you what. I'll buy you the beer. But, but, that means if you

get the coronavirus, you can't get a ventilator. Sure. You wanted to butt chug. All right. Nobody made you do it. No, but of course we have to give them a ventilator. You can't leave someone to die.

You know what I mean? That's what's so frustrating. It's like the health care thing with fat people. It's like, dude, I would love universal health care. Yeah. But these other people are completely overweight. Yeah. And they want me to like, you know, man. I'm not trying to get healthier.

No, I'm going to stop right there. Oh, you're going to stop? I'm going to stop. Sure. I will, at this point, gladly accept paying for universal health care taxes for all the fat people. You know why? Why? But I will not pay for the butt chuggers.

The butt chuggers. The butt chuggers are the line for me. The line in the sand, huh? We're Americans, all right? We got cheap food. We eat too much. That's true. And you know what?

I'm willing to accept the obese people in the hospitals, but not the butt chuggers. Oh, man. You're right. Coronavirus has changed things. Dude, there's a video from CBS where these spring breakers, they purposefully go to the beach, and they're being filmed laughing. Oh, dude. One guy's like, i've been waiting too

long for this to let a corona you know take away my miami and i'm like bro do you have any idea what's going on a corona do you think we're talking about the beer yeah i bet they do yeah seriously are you concerned about the corona the beer what that seems like can i pour it on someone's butt and drink it? There was a woman in... A woman at St. Patrick's Day in Chicago. First you line the edges, the crack, with a lime. Well, it was like a human centipede thing. Oh, my gosh.

Put a little salt on the top. No, no, no. It was like a... No, no, no. Look, look, look. It was like human centipede. Gross. Oh, dude.

They all lined up behind each other's butts, bent over, and poured the drink down the cracks. And it's for real. It's what they did. I mean, I believe you. I just. There was a, and I think it was like the girls had no problem butt checking off girls, but the guys all wanted to butt check off the girls. Yeah, duh.

So there was a one woman in St. Patrick's Day thing in Chicago, and she was like, she was being interviewed by local news, and she got her arms around two guys or something like that. And she's like, I'm immunocompromised, but I take supplements, so it's okay. It's like, oh, man. All right, you deserve what's coming. Do we got to give these people ventilators? Because I don't know, man.

I might actually prefer the 85-year-old, you know, greatest generation veteran. Dude, those people are chill. I love them. Mister, you got two months left to live. We're giving you the ventilator. She's got 80. Come on. She is not great. I'm kidding, by the way. you got two months left to live we're giving you the ventilator she's got 80 come on she's not

great i'm kidding by the way these uh uh this toilet girl apparently said i hate old people that's why i did it there was some twitch streamer and she said i hate poor people or something and she got banned from twitch for saying that yeah wow that's a little hard like i'll be i'll be you know i don't know people take stuff out of context but i mean in all seriousness you know if somebody gets sick they go to the hospital we're not going to leave anyone but it's just frustrating that we're all now going to suffer because they're really dumb people who do these things and don't take this stuff seriously yeah yeah we got an 8 p.m curfew for pete's sake we're lucky right now but a couple people in new jersey already got arrested for having people over they had a couple dozen people

at a get-together oh yeah that's right in their backyard and the neighbors called the cops and the cops arrested them for a public nuisance. Most... A bunch of neighbors called the cops. Yeah. Yeah, a ton of people. And there was other stuff, too, where apparently some people tried calling the cops on a Jewish wedding ceremony because they were doing it in their backyard or something. Okay.

And that one was more complicated because they were like, it's a religious ceremony. The cops apparently came and broke it up or something. I don't know exactly what happened. That's rough. You had your wedding planned right now. No, but we're getting to that point where people are getting arrested. Yeah. And so what the governor of New Jersey said is it's strongly recommended curfew.

We could go outside right now. No one cares. Yeah. Like, I went and danced in the street for fun. Nobody cares. Of course you did. It's not like there's anyone around here that would see you. That's true.

That's true. And people are going to the store like normal. They're walking their dogs. I see people jogging. Well, that's in the rules. Like, okay, hard quarantine unless you go outside and exercise or walk your animal or go to the store for food or go to the doctor or there's a few other things on the list. And it's like, okay, so go about your day normally, you know, but don't go out and have

like a beer. You can't go to the tattoo parlor, the piercing shop. Yeah, don't go. Did you hear GameStop claimed they were essential? Yeah, yeah. Well, they're closing down now. During the end of the world, I would think so. They actually told their employees to ignore the police.

Say, if the police come, show them this letter. And it was a letter from corporate saying whoa we told everyone to stay open call our corporate office if you have an issue of all the places game style like we don't even have no they don't even have stuff like that yeah people download yeah that stuff is so cool no no but or buy their game systems online if they you know most people want to save money that's where you get it the cheapest now i i go to game stop and I walk around, look at stuff and I say, oh, I'll download that later and I leave. They're not essential to anybody's life. Yeah, my disc on my

first PlayStation 4 stopped working so I just started downloading everything anyway and it just makes things so much easier. GameStop could have no door and it could literally just be a glass single pane and you'd look through and be like, okay, and you go back and you order any dolls or gadgets like okay and you go back and you order any dolls

or gadgets on amazon yeah you download your games you don't it's it's it's only a matter of time before they go out of business yeah but anyway uh back to the morons who are you know butt-chugging and stuff yeah anything with this well trump's basically saying now that uh we might lift quarantine early really yeah he said at first 15 days. And we would reassess. Because he's eager to get things moving again. Yeah, yeah. And there's been some people who have had the idea that maybe we should just quarantine, we should isolate

people who are vulnerable, and let young people and people who have already recovered get back to work. Okay. Maybe. Because the young people can handle it, I guess? Is that what they're saying? Right. Because the young people who get sick tend to be okay, and then they'll be the ones who are in the hospital. They don't necessarily need ventilators or what?

They do. They do. Well, they're less likely to, right? No. I would think. No, they're more likely to be hospitalized, and they respond better to ventilation. Oh, that's right. So they're more likely to survive.

Ah, yeah. So anyway, that's the deal. I guess the issue is that if the economy doesn't kick back on, then breaking down the economy is worse than the actual disease because people are going to die anyway. Yeah. Without food, without water. The hospitals are already strained for cash and resources. Okay. So we're on the verge of, what did Luke call it?

He called it a communism free trial, a 30-day free trial of communism. And he was like, the problem is that once you accept that free trial, it's impossible to cancel. Yeah. And that's exactly how it works. Yeah. So this is scary because right now, the government's going to have to bail out hospitals. They're going to have to come in. That is a mess.

There's already been conversations that if the government provides a stimulus to these big corporations, that they're buying stock in the corporations. And then the government is going to have a finger in a lot of these big companies, and we're getting dangerously close. Yeah. Because then once the government has it, they don't let go. Right. And you'll get to that point where then all of a sudden your plane is regulated by a bureaucrat. And we have to actually wait until they die off because there's no term limits for some reason.

Well, no. The government services don't stop ever no matter how awful they are that's true it doesn't change with the elected official it's six unless they all change it do you think they're gonna change it no i don't either because they have the power absolutely here's what'll happen they'll create you know the federal transportation you know arm or whatever and then all those people will be in a union who have a ton of voting power and will say, like, you must fund us.

And the politician will be like, you got it. We'll guarantee it. And then they vote. All the people will vote for it to guarantee their, you know, their jobs. They don't want to they don't want to give it up. So, I mean, it's a sad reality of capitalism that sometimes things become obsolete. Sometimes companies fail. Yeah, if we get rid of that.

It's a scary time. That's actually what Ron Paul'sul's uh the thing i was reading about um was basically about that he's like look it's it is a scary virus but we're giving up our our liberties and the problem is it's gonna be hard to get them back because the government you know we're not gonna get them back you give it up they're gone because how do you convince when a government takes it yeah they have no reason to ever give it up, they're gone. Because how do you convince when a government takes it, they have no reason to ever give it up at all? Right.

So what do you do? Like when it comes to the private sector, you can negotiate. And if they can't... So the thing about private business is that they have to convince you to keep supporting them. The thing about government is they just come to your house and threaten to lock you in a concrete cell. Bend the knee or else. Sounds the ccp a little bit well it's it's all just different forms of

authority yeah right so that's the challenge with giving the government too much power which so so here's here's here's the funny thing about all these socialists that are cheering for this stuff right now is look man monopolization of corporate power is a dangerous thing yeah but it takes a really long time. When you have a CCP, like, you know, the Communist Party of China, you snap your fingers in communism and create an instant monopoly with all that power. They'll never give it up. We don't like the monopolies we have now.

Why would I take all of that power from the corporations plus the government and mash it into one 100 times bigger monopoly? That makes no sense. True. Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah oh man what an exhausting apocalypse yeah i don't like it is i feel like this morning when i woke up i was looking at a couple stories i actually i was going to record something on like we now have three states that are under a national disaster uh the national guard is being deployed the army's being deployed and i started reading these stories and i was, it really feels like they copied and pasted a story from last week and just dropped it in because the news is such the same thing every single day now. It's like the market fell again on Monday, and it fell by the—

I'm like, did you just copy and paste and then replace the numbers? Because these stories are the exact same. Well, now we've got the, Democrats ruining the stimulus package thing. We do have something new and terrible. Yeah. So this is, well, here's what's interesting about that. That whole thing is ridiculous. But here's what I find truly interesting about it is that you're not an overly political guy.

Not in the slightest. And that's all you know about it. Yeah. That's true. Dude. Well, but it's funny to watch the New York Times change from, you know, Democrats ruin it. Democrats postpone it, and then their bipartisanship is to blame. And then now it's now it's on hold. And it's Mitch McConnell's fault.

Like that was the new line. I was like, how did so wait, what they first said, you know, the Democrats did it. And they said the Democrats did it to protect workers. Then I said, Oh, it's partisanship. No but but what's truly interesting about it is not so much what's happening but that that's the article from the hill that said democrats blocked the aid package right had five it has like 500 000 shares not views shares yeah wow if each share you know if each person is sharing it to a couple hundred people and at any one time you know 15 to 20 will actually see it we're looking at millions upon millions of views on the article saying the Democrats did this. Yeah, that's true. And so I was reading another article and it said, you know,

Mitch McConnell was was accusing Democrats of making this a liberal wish list. They accused him of a slush fund. Guess which one doesn't work to the American public? The Democrats. I don't know what a slush fund is i don't i don't know what the point they were trying to make was yeah all i know is that the republicans skipped their vacation and said we're gonna get this bill done and then nancy pelosi came in back from vacation and said block it and then doubled the length of it they said whoa whoa whoa you had all this stuff in there. It's really too much. And then it's twice as long with

all sorts of new stuff in it that has nothing to do with coronavirus. Yeah, it's their wish list. So here's the thing. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. It's complicated. Tim, I've been waiting for you to tell me the thing. The thing is, what's the thing, Timothy?

You. I'm the thing? Yes. And all the regular people. I am the thing, Timothy? What you I'm the thing. And yes. Oh, and all the regular people. I am the thing, everyone. Because I've had I've had welcome. I've had friends say, what? I don't understand why the Democrats blocked us. I need money. Yeah.

And I'm like, there you go. They don't know who Mitch McConnell is. Right. They don't care. They heard the word Democrat. They heard there was twelve hundred bucks headed their way. And they heard the Democrats said no. I don't nobody cares what the reason is.

So they're now trying to say, but we want to give you $1,000 per month. That's the claim. Nobody cares. Yeah, but it's not a UBI. This is supposed to be a stimulus to help us stay on our feet right now. And then in a month, we can do another vote. Yeah. There we go.

So I'll put it this way. If a dude walked up to you and was like, bro, you want $1,200? And you'd be like, yeah. All right. I'd ask what I have to do for it. I'm just going to give you

this $1,200, bro. What am I going to have to do for it? What do I have to do? He was a rich guy in a suit and he said, I'm trying to help everyone out by giving out $1,200 to you. And he reaches out that money

and then along comes Nancy Pelosi and she smacks his hand and the money goes flying. Oh, man. Who would you be mad at? Nancy Pelosi. She smacks his hand and the money goes flying. Who would you be mad at? Nancy Pelosi. And she'd be like, you don't understand. He was only going to give you that one time. I was going to give you more.

You'd be like, what? The dude was handing me money. I don't care. Yeah, exactly. You can give me more later, right? Yeah, people are stressing about it. Yeah. Because they need money right now.

This is what people are worried about. Dude, I saw a journalist from the Huffington Post post on all caps people have no money right when it was when it came out the democrats were blocking the the vote on it again yeah it's like and we we've talked about this like no one like the average person in america can't afford a 400 swing in emergency yeah and now it's like they don't even have a job like they can't work so they don't have any money so that like that extra 400 bucks is it's long, and there's nothing coming in. Yeah, they need money right now. I can tell you that I know a little bit about it, like what they were proposing.

They want to have it based off of your 2018 tax return. What? Why? Right. There's problems with it. But my response is like, look, man, I have friends who make minimum wage as servers who barely get by. Yeah. Who are hitting me up saying, I don't know what I'm going to do. Yeah, because they work on tips. Right.

And it's like cash tips. Well, no, no, no. That's not the issue. The issue is that even with tips, they're getting like $10 an hour. Right. Which is not good. So they barely pay their rent. Yeah.

And then while this is all going on, they're saying like my company might lay me off. And I was like, well, the good news is Trump's about to cut you a check for 200 bucks. Yeah. And they're like, awesome. And then today they were like, what happened? And I'm like, ask the Democrats, man. I don't they said they didn't like it. And it's look, it's fair if you want to criticize what was in the bill and they got problems with it. All right, well, we'll talk about it. But nobody cares. Yeah. My friends who make no money and are like, i'm trying to figure out how to get by pay my rent buy food and i just heard that we're not getting that check now and i'm like well the republicans

skip their vacation for you well what if the democrats were saying you know what look we're gonna have a provision in this bill that nobody who butt chugs gets a piece of this nobody who licks toilets is getting a piece of this. I'd be like, you know what? That sounds good. All right. Well, maybe. Maybe. One of the issues apparently

is that if you don't have any income at all, you get nothing. Oh. But it depends on... So I was reading some activist website. That's what they claimed.

Okay. But according to Axios, the minimum is $600. So everyone has to get $600? So I don't know if I believe the activists because they just screech all the time. Okay. But Axios said that if you don't have to get 600 bucks so i don't know if i believe the activists because they just screech all the time okay but axio said that if you don't have the appropriate qualifying income

then you'll get 600 if you have at least 2500 you get 1200 and then after 75 000 a year it starts going down a little bit and then at 90 000 if you have a salary of 99 000 or more you get nothing but this is based on 2018. So there are problems with it, man. But all I know is, like, I was talking to a friend of mine who said, like, I got to figure out my tax return information so I can file for this or whatever. And I was like, no, no, no, don't worry about it. And she was like, what do you mean don't worry about it? The Democrats killed the bill.

You don't got to file anything anymore. So you're not going to have any money. Congratulations. You know, somebody sent me a message saying that a bunch of people are commenting on Facebook about how it was the Republicans who blocked the bill by trying to give corporations all this money. And it's like, what do you think a bailout is? Like, what do you think they were voting on? Yeah. You think they were voting on not giving corporations money to sustain their employees?

I don't understand. Yeah. That's messaging, man. The Democrats have come out and called it a corporate slush fund a bunch of people started tweeting to get you know getting it trending and i'm like you realize corporations spend money right and you know they like they employ people i mean there's there's real concerns of stock buybacks and other you know other bs sure but these companies are going to go under and these are the companies that boeing. Boeing just shut down. 70,000 people are risking losing their...

Now, it's like, dude, Great Depression, here we come. You know what I think? I think the Democrats are, like, at this point, they're like the dude in... What was that movie where the guy, or I don't know if it was a guy, but he rides the nuclear bomb like a cowboy? Oh, wasn't that Captain...

No, Doctor... Doctor Strange. Doctor Strangelove. Doctor Strangelove. I was halfway there, wasn't that Captain... No, Doctor Strange. Doctor Strangelove. There we go. I was halfway there. I've never seen it. I kind of feel like it's that. It's like the Democrats have realized it's all over. They've lost. Biden, oh man. Oh yeah. He's just muttering and mumbling. Nowhere to be found.

And they're just like, they just jumped on the bomb and started going, like, burn it down, baby. We're going down. We're taking y'all with us. Oh man. Like they can't win. Yeah. and started going, like, burn it down, baby. We're going down. We're taking you all with us. Oh, man. Like, they can't win. Yeah.

So they're just like, screw it. Yeah. Light it up. A little suicide mission. It does kind of feel like that, doesn't it? Yep. Yeah. All I know is I want to go out.

I want to go to the movies. Me too. I want to go to the mall. I want a margarita. And we can't do it. And so I'll tell you what's making me angry. It makes me angry when morons lick toilets and go party at the beach. Apparently, like in Florida, they took a bunch of boats and they jammed them all up together.

And then a bunch of people were like chilling on the boats, partying. And so now they're shutting down the marina. It's like, you see, right now we can walk our dogs. But if a bunch of morons go around licking dog butt, then we not going to walk our dogs anymore this is true so you you have the government said the marina's open they're like y'all do your thing just don't you know social distance yeah so they have a stay at home stay at home order but you can go on your boat right you can go on your boat and go on my boat and then a bunch of morons were like let's put all our boats together to have a party and the government was like nah shut it down. And California, shut down the

beaches and the parks. Good, because they keep going on the beach. Right, but people were able to go hiking by yourself. You could be like, I'm gonna walk through the woods, I got a little stick. And then a bunch of morons set up to party and they're like, shut it down. Now I can't go walk through the woods by myself. It should just be like a no partying

rule, because it's clearly like a certain group of people that go out and party. But that was the rule. And so when the cops show up and there's 10,000 people down the beach, what do they do? They can't arrest them all. It makes my brain hurt. I know. Stupid people out there.

Here's the best part. You know what happened in Hawaii? Oh, gosh. What? They shut the beaches down. You know what people did? What? They just went on the beach anyway.

They went on the beach anyway. Like, dude, there's nothing you can do, man. People are refusing to adhere to any of this stuff. So, now I'm just like, dude, at a certain point, there's going to be people who say,

I've been quarantining for how long and these people are out partying and chugging off butts? A little resentment. I'm out. I'm not doing this anymore. And they're going to go out. Right.

And then at a certain point, the only reason this lockdown happens is because people agreed to it. That's true. If at any point people said no, no one had confidence in the system, there would be no lockdown. Nobody would care.

You can't do anything about it. And there's too many people. It's like, what are you going to do? Arrest everybody? Nope. Or just trying to go about their day? A million people. Yeah.

With several hundred butt chuggers out on the beach, plus thousands of people partying, how many people do you think are sitting at home right now feeling, for one, FOMO? Like, oh, dude, I missed the butt chug party, man. Oh, dude, why did I stay? Oh, I want to go out. Well, I think that specific number is quite low. The people who wish that they could butt chug? Yeah. Yeah, thank God that number is pretty low. Someone out there

is like, I'd butt chug at home. They have their roommate come over. Yo, Dave, come over here. Let's butt chug. Let's butt chug. home. Ha ha. They have their roommate come over. Yo, Dave, come over here. Let's butt chug. Let's butt chug. Come on. You know you want to. Actually, so actually, on that note. Oh, no.

On that note, we have more. New York has a special advisory for all of you. How do I word this? I'm just going to say it because I don't think it's – well, I guess we can get in trouble because there might be kids. People might play it for their kids. For the people who have children, I'm going to say a phrase that you will understand. And you'll have to explain.

They might have to ask what it is. But let's just call it self-gratification. New York City would like you to gratify yourself. I'm not kidding. They have put in an advisory saying your safest partner is yourself. Are we going to talk about this? Yeah. Should we go to Super Chats? Let's do Super Chats.

Let's go to Super Chats. This is real though. I'm not kidding. This is an actual thing that New York sent out to people. This is insane. Let's get to some Super Chats. What's going on? Matty Bones says, actually before I read this, make sure you hit that like button if you

like the show. Hit that like button. Hit the like button for us, everybody. Tell us you like us. We need it. Thank you. Matty Bone says, sent one of my guys home just now showing symptoms. He's 19, working in medical waste disposal coming from New York and New Jersey.

And you guys probably got it. I'd be worried. I mean, I'm not a doctor, so I can't tell you, but take that stuff seriously, man. Yep. Just a normal bottle of mustard. Send us money. I don't know if it's possible, but I'm not a doctor, so I can't tell you, but take that stuff seriously, man. Just a normal bottle of mustard. Send us money. I don't know if it's possible, but I'm impressed. I am ready for the news, Beanie Daddy. Normal bottle?

I prefer Stone Ground. Ingelhofer? Oh man, the best mustard ever. That is not a sponsored spot, by the way. We can't even find it. I've been looking for it. It's good stuff, man. For like a month and a half. Maybe more, actually. Let let me load there we go nice corto maltese says there are

decades where nothing happens and there are weeks where decades happen by the way how does the democrats knife in your back feel dude they twisted i can't reach it no no uh i gotta stress this when i saw huffington post journalists in all caps people have no money I was like oh dude they are gonna get obliterated in November what are they expecting? they know they lost they know they lost and they were like burn it down

they're like there's still a chance that Sanders could win we gotta just sabotage everything saltier I'm kinda serious there Bernie's doing fundraisers they don't want there. Bernie's doing fundraisers. They don't want Sanders. Right. He's out doing fundraisers right now. He's raising money for people who

For coronavirus. Right. I think people who lost their jobs and stuff like that. Joe Biden. Gone. He just disappears. Nobody knows what's happening. And then he comes up today muttering and he's like. What is he doing? He's like fix the teleprompter. I don't know what I'm supposed to say. And then he goes I today muttering and he's like, what is he doing? He's like, fix the teleprompter. I don't know what I'm supposed to say.

And then he goes, I've said too much. And then he stops. I'm not kidding. Yeah, because apparently the prompter broke and he didn't know what to do. So he was just like, well, I've said enough already. His programming ran out. Wow. Like I wasn't prepared for that.

He sounded like he had just woken up too. He did sound sleepy, didn't he? He was talking like this. Literally sleepy. We got a... Sleepy Joe. Sleepy Joe. We got a...

You know, I've talked too much. You feel bad for him. I do. But he doesn't have to be there if he didn't want to. Yeah, but come on, man. No. They're not going to let him quit. No.

They're not going to let him quit. I feel bad. They have no alternative. If he couldn't handle it, he could step down. Dude. Yes. This is what I've said. Yes.

I do not feel... It's his last hurrah. I do not feel bad for that man. No, I do. Listen. I've said. It's his last hurrah. I do not feel bad for that man. No, I do. Listen. I don't. It's his last ride. He's an old cowboy who thinks he's got what it takes to go on this last mission,

to bring that important message down to the townspeople. He can't do it. And the people around him, instead of saying, Joe, you're just too old. Your time has come and gone. You need to rest now. They're cheering him on. That's great. That's a great theory, Tim.

But it's literally what they're doing. I know, but I don't feel bad for him. Yeah, he had a great position. He's surrounded by sycophants. Yeah. Cool. I've had patients like that, and I just feel bad for him. He should retire.

Yep. I agree. I agree with that. That's all there is. Ray Edwards says, Michigan got locked down today. It's getting pretty crazy in the mitten. Oh, yeah, man. I was reading It's getting pretty crazy in the mitten. Oh, yeah, man. I was reading about that.

The mitten. Yeah. Not the mitten. The Poor Wayfaring Gamer says, my PSN is Orange Man Bad because I have NPC aim. Excellent. The Red Bike Masters, I got nothing to say, so here's two bucks. Thanks for the two bucks, buddy. Nice.

Thanks, bro. Scott Jones, he says, subverse interviewee I sorted is now a UK MP. Oh, interesting. Austin Laverty says, as much as I hate to say it, if these idiots continue refusing to stop gathering in huge numbers to party on the beach, maybe it's time for tear gas and riot shields to make them disperse. It would be like if a football game was lost or won. Yeah. Or football happened. Yeah. Netist said, you see the story about Biden telling donors that his VP would need to be

able to immediately take over the top spot in case something happens? Yeah. Did he really say that? Did he say that? And then apparently there were rumors that he had told the people he was planning on only doing one term. Yeah. What are they thinking, man?

Trump, the race is over. It sure is. I know it is. Man, I mean, it's just like we're just talking about it. Like, I don't feel bad for him. He's literally saying, I can't do this. All but saying it. He's doing all of the different things he can say without saying, I can't do this.

We should check the Vegas odds. Of if he's going to make it or not? You know, it's funny i know people who placed bets on trump in 2016 because it was like a hundred it was like some ridiculous number like 10 to 1 or i don't yeah i think trump had like a less than 10 percent wow so i know people who put in 100 bucks and got a thousand bucks out of it because they were like whatever it's 100 bucks i'll just drop it and ignore it yeah and then trump won and people started laughing like i just made money off this is crazy i think you'd be nuts i think he he i mean he probably wouldn't make much

money right now betting on trump right because because everyone's like no no yeah he's gonna wait versus biden hmm maybe it makes sense to bet on biden then no no no i want to check the odds definitely not put my money it's funny it's funny because as bad as the odds for Trump were, you were still like, he might win, you know? Joe Biden's like, there's no number. Like, I'm not. I could take that dollar and I can go buy some M&Ms or something. Yeah, I wouldn't want to lose money betting on him. 40.6% implied probability.

For Biden? Biden. 6.1% for Bernie. 6.1% for Bernie. 50.7% for Trump. That's way higher than I expected. 1.4% for Hillary. Ooh. I knew it.

Yes, I knew it too. I knew it. I know it. Well, I've been saying for a little while that Biden is going to select Hillary as his running mate because now there's all this stuff with Hillary coming in the news. She's been absent for years. She's selling a book though, man. Whatever. She's selling a book. years she's selling a book though man whatever she's selling a book now she's getting a documentary biden said it's going to be a girl and he claims that he's going to have to step the vice

uh the vp is going to have to step down yeah i think it's going to be well with she's going to have him here's the thing with with the coronavirus desperate times here'sperate measures indeed. Conspiracy. Oh my gosh. Here's my conspiracy long shot prediction. Yes, let's do it. Biden gets sick. So he wins the nomination. Yeah. Then he gets sick.

Hillary steps in for help. Yep. Boom. Boom. Done. That's how you do it. I'm betting. Long shot.

No, it's going to happen. I'm not saying I think it's true. I'm saying that's my crazy, crazy prediction that probably won't happen. But hey, hey, hey. It won't be Bernie. And who do they got got left it's not gonna be anyone else so he's like i'm still in it he'll oh no she dropped out he'll pick her as his running mate tulsi no no no hillary oh yeah and then he'll get coronavirus and i'll go in the hospital and she'll step up and take over and biden will say you got to do it you got to vote for her i don't think that would happen

though because people really hate her yeah they do don't they hate her yeah yeah it's funny because the bernie supporters couldn't believe that biden had swept michigan yeah because bernie won last time and then a lot of these people were like wow we didn't realize how much people hated hillary clinton yeah that's good thinking man all right let's grab some more super chats video bro says not sure what's worse licking a toilet seat or drinking shots from a butt by the way tim keep Yeah, that's a good point. What were they thinking, man? I don't know. All right, let's grab some more of these super chats. Vidya Bro says, Not sure what's worse, licking a toilet seat or drinking shots from a butt. By the way, Tim, keep doing you. You're my favorite liberal here, senpai.

Appreciate it. Yeah, word. Jack Daw says, Everyone knows what Tim looks like. Put Tim in the producer seat and give Lydia a spotlight already. No. We got to set a camera up. We're working on it. I mean, and it's getting a lot harder now that we're basically all quarantined, you know?

Yeah, exactly. Jet Chisholm says, Here in Canada, things are starting to really lock down. Look up what is happening in Quebec and here in NS. My medic colleagues are starting to freak out. Look up the medic getting evicted in the UK. Yeah, you want to check that out? Yeah. SuperBamBam says, hey, Tim, any chance you could do a shout out for Folding at Home?

It's a project designed to use computing power from other people's computers to help figure out how to fight diseases like the current one. Yes. Folding at Home is awesome. So is – do you know what these are, the at-home projects? Yeah, they like combine the computer strength. Yeah. So I don't know a lot about it. What I do know is that you Google search it.

You basically – I think you download a program and then it uses your computer's power and combines it with all of these other computers to make a massive supercomputer. Yeah, that's cool. And it's excellent proof as to why communism doesn't work. Centralization of one computer is not enough to figure this stuff out. Yeah. So they ask everyone to put their minds to use. And that's a distributed, a decentralized economy like we have. See?

I like that. So it's a two-four you can solve the the you can cure the virus yeah and prove communism doesn't work i love it excellent student officer says yo y'all want to talk about the fact that the al the alcohol fashion and clothing industries are preparing are prepping to pull some serious hard carry for the dummies out there what does that mean i don't know hard carry i'm not sure that's kind of are they talking about bringing booze out i don't know i don't know fashion and clothing industries but you know aguirre says would you guys consider meet and greets after coronavirus dies down yes yeah we could yeah we could do uh we well i did an event

whole thing i did an event and antifa threatened to burn down the theater so we had to move to a casino but we could totally do a big event. Yeah, sure. Yeah, why not? They'll try and burn it down. It was funny because they were like, the Antifa people were telling the news that fascists were coming to our town. And I was like, I live here. You guys

live in New Brunswick. You're like 40, 50 miles away. You're coming to my house. That was the funny thing. Because they always use the narrative that the fascists are coming coming to our neighborhood and so i literally had an event like five miles from my house in my county in my town yeah and i invited my like my friends and people i want to talk to and they came from north jersey and new york and philly and then claimed i was coming to their town i'm like bro like you're literally in my neighborhood yeah what are you doing they don't realize they don't yeah it was embarrassing for them logic doesn't run especially because um and some people

our headline speaker was daryl davis yeah yeah do you know he is no i don't he's this very famous black jazz musician who convinced over 200 klansmen to quit dope and he was the headline speaker oh yeah what a fascist i have i have heard of that yeah guy actually and people were like why are you protesting this and they were like well, well, because he's a Nazi. And Daryl Davis posted on Facebook how he tried to talk to him, and they called him a Nazi. What? It's like, dude. That's ridiculous.

Yeah. Welcome to this. This is the world we live in, man. Man. All right, let's see. Summer Robertson, thanks for becoming a member. Thank you. Wolf Spain says, did you hear of the aggressive bird flu epidemic in China among outbreak?

60 million chickens have died to the outbreak. Fact check me, though. I did hear about that. Yeah, I heard that there was an avian flu that was popping up. And we're going to get to this. Like recently? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's going on now?

Yeah. Oh, wow. All the plagues of locusts and whatnot. There's a locust plague. Man. The locust plague. Well, we'll get to that. We got to keep our eye on.

Yeah, we're going to talk about that. Oh, yeah, New York wants you to whack it. Oh, yeah, right. We have to do that. Scott, thanks for the super chat. Megadan says, can you please go over Pelosi's new proposed bill? Thanks, Tim.

Timcast IRL crew totally makes my corona evenings. Excellent. Thank you. Justin O'Toole says, COVID-19 beat Plague Inc. Is there any country that has zero cases? Even Greenland and Madagascar are not safe anymore. Only ISS and Antarctica are safe.

The ISS? I don't know how they did it. They're safe up there. Idgit says, not taking this pandemic seriously right now is basically throwing lit matches in a dry forest. Yeah, man. Yeah.

Brick says, any plans after the crisis that you can take the van out, man? Really was looking forward to that. Love you, Adam. You're awesome. Oh, man. Brick says, any plans after the crisis that you can take the van out, man? Really was looking forward to that. Love you, Adam. You're awesome. Oh, thanks. We could actually figure out how to do this show on the road.

That would be so fun. Whoa. Yeah. I would love to do that. Interesting. I mean, an audio-only version would be really easy. Yeah, that's true. Cameras that are really tough.

We could have one camera and hand it around. I mean, we could totally... That's an awfully small van for three people. No, but we'd be outside. We'd set up a table outside. Oh my gosh, that'd be so much fun. Yeah, it'd be cool.

I mean, traveling around still is a little tight. We could do a... It's a little tight. We wouldn't be in the van. We would take... We need a bigger van. Bus tour.

Yes, a bus. No, dude, if we had a bus, we could easily do the show what are we waiting for a million dollars okay yeah buses are expensive all right after we make a million dollars we'll make a bus so everybody super chat us a million bucks yeah and we'll buy multiple vans and then we'll we'll take it on the road yeah boom perfect done problem solved brandon thanks for the super chat christian says even covet 19 doesn't want to get get near Angela Merkel. Why does she not have it? I thought she was quarantined.

She was in a soft quarantine. It was like voluntary, I thought. And she's okay. She's okay. Mark Robert Shaw says, LOL, lick the toilet for Corona Challenge

but completely forget E. coli exists. I call this the Darwin Award. Yep. Darwin Award. Well deserved. Nice. Hera says,

watching from Iceland. Take care, everyone. Dude, Iceland is awesome. Yep. I haven't been, but it seems like a great a great one of the craziest things that happened to me is i was in uh reykjavik and we were driving down to the blue lagoon thing okay where i don't know what it's called but it's like the water is like sparkly and beautiful nice and in between there's like a burger joint that seems to be in the middle of nowhere all right and so we went inside i forgot it was called and i'm sitting down and I was with Emily.

And then two guys walk in and stop and they recognized me. Cool. And I'm like, of all the places, unannounced, in the middle of nowhere, like in Iceland at a burger, a small burger shop. Yeah. They were like, oh, hey, man. I was like, Tim Pool. That's crazy.

I think they saw you because people in Iceland are literally from all over the planet. No, but I mean, like, I don't know. I'm not Tom Hanks, man. Yeah. You know yeah you know i was like wow what are the chances that's crazy but it was a weird experience for me to be in the middle of nowhere and see that you know like in new york side note i hear he's doing better who tom hanks yeah yeah yeah oh yeah he's all better now good tom hanks is great yeah yep all right darko says ever look into the stem cell research going on to prolong life to extreme degrees. Talk about it with my doctor, but never see it talked about in the news.

I'll look into it. I know a little bit about it. Mike Breezy. Oh, man. I'm not going to read it, but thanks for the super chat. We will get to that. Yes. The Red Bike Master says, Toilet Girl sounds like a Biden insult bot line.

Yes. Toilet Girl. Biden insult bot. C's Santos says, have you read up on HR 5717, the gun apocalypse bill? I haven't. Let's look it up right now. Is that where they ban everything? Probably. That gamer

says, wow, some people have has a true potty mouth. I bet she has poo on her breath. Now what a poo situation. I'll just call it toilet girl. Toilet girl. That's all. Xerosopher says, about Dem blocking the support bills, Dem's base is the poor, not upper or middle.

They see this expand voter base. Where pubs need people with money for votes, Dems need more poor. Ed Carone III says, we millennials love to eat butts, but this is tragic. Coriander says, don't lick toilets, kids. Butt sweat and the quite other catastrophic situation every toilet deals with.

Tim Clark says, my word vomit is laxative language. I like that. Olympian says, hey, Tim, thanks for warning us to stock up when you did. I was able to stock up food a month in advance to last me a while, and now all the shelves at local stores are empty. I really appreciate what you do. Keep it up. Yeah, man.

Yeah. I mean, our stores are getting restocked. Not completely, though. Yeah, we're lucky. There was some stuff we couldn't get. I haven't been to a store in a week now. That's right. Yeah, we haven't gone in a while.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, because it's just... We've got now, I think, eight cases in the county. We're in Gloucester, which is basically the Philly suburb. It's like the only blue thing in South Jersey. There's eight cases. Oh, so it's here confirmed oh it is here yep which means there's probably 8 000 yeah yeah so yeah we're not i'm not going

no more no more leaving the house yep well we have a backyard yep although it was rainy today so i couldn't skate i was bummed yeah man stupid rain rain is so dumb let me do anything ichikami says, loving, receiving pity could be Munchausen syndrome. That's a little bit different. Munchausen has to do with illnesses. King Canuck says, I don't know what you'll be talking about

by the time you get this, but stop sensationalizing you beanie man. Ah, ah, by the way, Canada has more or less been shutting down now. Send help. Wolfsbane says, do you think the lack of family values

causes much of the insensibility in young people yes it may be a factor in the me versus we mentality as a black man i've seen the ramifications in my own community interesting i do because i have seen families on the south side of chicago with like proper family structure yeah and i've seen those without and it's entirely predictable yeah the single mother homes chaos you need dads the the the two family the two parent you know normal was like normal houses yeah it was interesting too because there was a mix on the south side chicago was a kind of a poor area but you could see the places where there was a dad who would go to go to job you know go to his work sometimes the mom would work sometimes he wasn't and the kids would

come from school they'd have dinner they'd be like you know, go to his work. Sometimes the mom would work, sometimes she wasn't. And the kids would come from school. They'd have dinner. They'd be like, you know, having food in their backyards or something. The kids I knew who didn't have dads, houses were trashed. They were doing drugs. Yeah. That's just the way it is, man. You need dads. Thanks, you do.

Nathan says, work for a local park system and noticed more people than I have ever seen walking, jogging, smiling and exercising everywhere. It's great. Maybe something good will come of this. Keep up the great work. Yes. And because there's no food anymore, people are going to lose a lot of weight. They're skinny.

And they're going to get bored and go walk around. I've been loving being outside. Unfortunately, I think the butt chuggers are going to make everyone gain weight because they're going to get locked inside. No. Yeah. Stupid. They're going to lock down hard.

Like a couple people in Jersey got arrested already for having get-togethers. That's crazy. They said you can't have gatherings of more than 10 people. And so they apparently had a couple dozen people. So it was probably like 20 plus. I don't know how many. But they never said you'd get arrested for it. I'd imagine the police would show up and be like,

go home everybody. No, they arrested them. What was the charge? Public nuisance. It's such BSs they could just make it up it's like you go out you could fart they could arrest you for disorderly conduct for real they could be like oh you're causing a scene oh man i'd be arrested all the time oh gosh paul says does the coronavirus cause sterility in young people like mumps

let us all hope this is so no i don't i don't know no no no no but i don't think it does though they have they have claimed they could yeah that's true mr smaberg says in norway a young man with with confirmed wuhan virus got a 20 000 kroner a 2500 fine for breaking isolation and attending a party yikes sounds like young people and now everyone at that party has it or could yeah chet chisholm says medic Medic colleagues have been posting at FB how people have been breaking into the ambulances and stealing supplies while they are doing 911 calls. Whoa.

That is so messed up. People are so wonderful. Wow. People are basically good. Yikes. What? That was really bad sarcasm. Yeah.

Mind Mill X says, Nobody. Nothing. Tim Pool. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Thank you for reinforcing my echo chamber. I love the podcast. Yeah, man.

You got it. Appreciate it. Reinforce your echo chamber. Lance says big cities will empty after this. Yeah. They are empty. This is amazing. Yeah, I was watching this video today about all the different big cities across the world.

Like, you know, the what is it? Mecca with the stone in the middle. I've never seen it empty. Yeah, it's empty. That was crazy to see. Dude, like every other big city is shots of it empty Mecca gets so packed

that they frequently have trampling deaths they do yeah from stampedes it's crazy now it's empty now it's empty

I saw maybe like three people walking this is Trump's best case scenario now first the coronavirus itself

and the damage it's causing the lives it's taking are horrifying. Yeah. But the result of this, when people leave big cities and they spread out into random places, the rural areas tend to be conservative. So if you have if you have an area with 100000 people in it and they're all spread out and it's a conservative area and you bring in a thousand liberals from New York, they're crushed under the weight of the majority Republicans. And so when all of these different liberals branch out, the congressional power of big cities goes down, the congressional power of conservative areas goes up, but the majority stays the same. So here's the thing. New York has,

I think, 2.8 million people in it, New York City. So they get a decent amount of congressional seats. If everyone starts leaving now, right before the census, they're going to strip away a bunch of congressional seats from big city areas, which means the urban districts have less voting power when it comes to Congress and Electoral College. Interesting. I thought about that. All of these people leaving aren't going to one county and displacing conservatives. They're spreading out in random directions.

The likelihood they displace the conservative majorities in smaller counties, in my opinion, would probably be low. Now, they might do it in some places. But that means when they do the census, these conservative rural areas will have a much bigger population, get more congressional seats, more electoral votes, and still be dominated by Republicans. Trump is closing the border down. He can now mandate companies move manufacturing back to the U.S.

He's shut down asylum. He's gotten everything he's wanted because of this. And he resisted it. Crazy. Let's see. Chet Chisholm says, Uni students are bad for ODing on vodka tampons. Yeah, they do that.

Yeah, that is. Oh, I'm familiar. All right. I'm going to, I think we're going to get a big jump here. Yeah. So I've got to speed things up because we're getting slammed by the super chats. We love you. We love you guys.

Appreciate it. But yes, we do. We're starting to get too many super chats. Love you guys. Wow. We're getting slammed. Much, much appreciated. All right.

Let's see. Where are we at? Oh, wow. We are getting absolutely obliterated. Obliterated is the word. Okay. I absolutely cannot even, I think. Wow.

JDNX says, now that the MCU is dead, it's time for the heavy metal cinematic universe because people are stuck at home. Heavy metal is offering a 25% discount on your entire order with promo code Tarnasword. Well, there you go. Hey, you paid for the shout out. I'm going to speed things up, guys. So I'm sorry if I can't get to your Super Chat. Super Bam Bam says, hey, Tim, my home state of Michigan just got put under lockdown. All non-essential travel is prohibited.

My employer gave us letters to give police when we go to work due to us being a distributor. Wow. Virgil Liv says, GameStop has been keeping its stores open without cleaning supplies and was making a business off buying phones from customers. I've been watching a lot about it from Camelot. Yikes. They said that they were suspending their buying stuff, though, while they were staying open.

That's what the corporate letter said. Yeah. So Mike says, thank you, Tim and friends. You definitely helped the time pass through the day and night while providing much, much, much better content news than the lying MSM. Good luck. Appreciate it. I agree, too. Greg Wolf says a lot of the left's criticisms of corporate America have merit, but never lose sight of the fact the government is the biggest corporation of them all.

Yes, they're all organizations of people, and only one of them has weapons and can force you to do things. Joseph Metzler says the government bought stock in GM, but GM had to buy it back. Trump said he wants no buybacks as part of the bailout, meaning business has to buy the government out before it can start buybacks up again. Some Grumpy Goat, thanks for joining. Thank you. Aaron, thanks for joining. Yeah, thanks. Mr. Paul R. says, but bonging the next challenge. Oh, but bonging, like Lydia's idea, Margaritaville. Yes. Student Infantry says, have you ever heard of the tragedy of darth plagues the wise indeed i have andrew hoff thanks for joining jason solo says violence is the ultimate authority from which all other authorities derive their power communities are left with little power to stop these gatherings if they aren't willing to enforce quarantine that's true yep

mark says so limit social interactions work from home don't boot a chug and self-gratify these quarantines sound like an average day let's see uh jamel thanks for becoming a member thank you isaac says tim is in charge of the truth lydia is in charge of moral soy jesus is drafted into the trucking fleet we need this help p.s tim please have a backup plan your voice is needed we uh lamer and andrew thanks for becoming members i actually uh thank you guys was talking with a bunch of hackers about a crazy idea that you what we would do is we take we would we would take a high-powered infrared laser okay that would uh it would flicker to give a very simple

data stream and the goal would be to use a lens to point at where it hits in the clouds so that it could translate the light data. It's called LightFi, light fidelity. Interesting. Okay. And it was a range wasn't particularly good, but there was some really interesting broadcast concepts that were coming up. This was during Arab Spring stuff.

But you need clouds. Not necessarily. You would need to figure out where the infrared laser is being pointed. Okay. And it might be, it may or may not work. We don't know what the range would be, but the general idea is you can use lasers

to flicker really fast to transmit data. Oh, okay. So you should be able to actually point a lens at it. That was the general idea and we were trying to, we never actually

made a building thing. Well, that high-powered laser that I got when we were living in Miami, like, you can, I could point it at a star and you would see it go for miles. So the goal is to make it

so no one can see it so you need infrared. So only those who knew where to look. and you would see it go for miles. So the goal is to make it so no one can see it. So you need infrared. So only those who knew where to look. So you would say something like look to the North Star and then you'd look and you could see the infrared. Cool. Try and get the data out of it. That's kind of rad. I dig it.

Joe, let's see. Graves, where are we at? Oh, we just jumped down, huh? Did it just bump me down? It did. Okay, here we go. Joe Johnson says, Joe Biden new campaign slogan should be cocaine is a hell of a drug yeah it should charlie echo alva says snack money for your van tour hey appreciate it man oh yeah thank you student of history says anheuser-busch

is converting to make hand sanitizer and the ny fashion industry haynes and fruit of the loom are going to be making masks. Wow. Interesting. Mr. Phil says, bus fund. Appreciate it. Damon says, Dr. Carolyn Borisenko is now voting for Trump in November due to Dems voting down the Senate bill today. Yeah, she was writing about that. Get Back says, Tim, stop ordering people to send you a million dollars for your hippie van adventures.

Biggest fascist on YouTube. But if you have a million dollars, why can't I have it? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. For the record, that was me. I was the one saying that. Yeah, that's true. He was the one, yeah. So if you're going to blame someone, blame me.

J-Mac says, for the van fleet. Also, what are you doing in your free time? I've been playing Animal Crossing with my son and painting miniatures. My family and I have been on lockdown for three weeks, but we're all finding a lot of fun things to do together. Hope everyone is good. Board games. Board games. Miniatures. We played Betrayal at House on the Hill. Is that what it's called? to do together. Hope everyone is good. Skateboarding? Board games?

Miniatures. We played Betrayal at House on the Hill. Is that what it's called? Yeah, yeah. That game is awesome. It is a lot of fun. It's simple. It's fun.

And we just ordered the expansion. This is going to be a lot of fun. We've been skateboarding and Magic the Gathering. Doom Eternal a little bit. Still play a little Destiny 2. And Red Dead Redemption 2 I'm kind of bored with. Gets boring after a while. Good Mitchie asks, here's for the bus.

Mom discovered QAnon. New world order, yes, no. Thank you. No idea. I don't know what that is. Andrew Hoff says, hey, Tim, I know this is a little off topic, but what will you name your first Beanie Baby once you finally find Mrs. Wright and settle down? That's cute.

Your first Beanie Baby. I really like that. Cess? That's sweet. Or Jean. Cess Pool. Cess? That's sweet. Or Jean. Cess? Cess Poole. Cess Poole.

Yep. Done and done. And Jean Poole. Jean Poole. I'm so funny. I've had those jokes since I was a little kid. I love it. Because people would always say it to me all the time.

He's prepping the dad jokes. Are you going to name your kid Jean? Are you going to name your kid Cess? And I'd be like, duh. Yeah. Thanks, guys. Actually, yeah. I like those names.

Me too. Cess. All right. Troy, thanks for becoming a member. I like those names. Me too. Suss. All right. Troy, thanks for becoming a member. Steve O. says, in the middle of nowhere South Oregon, saw this coming after moving back home to help family and financial straits. I ordered beans and rice, a case of the TP for the lulz. Folks don't think I predict the future.

LOL 2A and Constitution all day. Oh, yeah. Scorpion says, Tim, did you guys hear about the stolen truck with 18,000 pounds of toilet paper in it? Sorry if this is rehashing something I already talked about. I did hear about that. I haven't.

That's crazy. So my friend Cassandra on Twitter said, I feel like all the people complaining about toilet paper are the people who waited to the last minute and now have to use coffee filters.

So they're jealous. You know, there's this show called 100 Humans on Netflix right now. And they take 100 random people from all over the States and do stuff and find out different things about them. And one of them is to see how people go to the bathroom. And they're asking, like, show me how you put the roll on. And most people do over the top.

The one person who was like, I go under. It's weird to go over the top. He was really over the top. The one person who was like, I go under. It's weird to go over the top. He was really over the top about it. But every single person, they were like, well, show us how much you take. And then everyone was taking like 30 pieces. They're like, oh, you wrap it around like this and it's like a mummy hand glove. And I'm like, what? That's why they're writing the top of their book. No wonder use like a roll in a day maybe.

Even more. Jeez, it's crazy. It reminds me of Parks and Rec when Chris Pratt was like, it's like wiping a marker. So, yeah. They just go through it, man. Dude, you know what I noticed though? People have really, really bad diets. I know.

Like no fiber. Yeah. No vegetables. I know. It fiber. Yeah. No vegetables. I know. It's crazy. You know what really bugs me out? When people come here to do work at the house, like if we have – we recently got the carpet fixed.

We were putting the studio together. Yeah, yeah. And we recently got carpeting upstairs because we had to tear the old stuff out. The dudes who always come will be like, oh, do you mind if I use your bathroom? I'm like, all right. And it's like, bro, what are you eating, man? Like they're overweight overweight out of shape and then after they got out of the bathroom it's like somebody died it's like you know what you just ruined it for everyone else that comes in here it's like have you considered having I don't know maybe some

spinach maybe some whole wheat you know it's meat and cheese man that's probably all they eat I mean I used to do that in my 20s like every meal you know it's like a sausage egg and cheese, man. That's probably all they eat. I mean, I used to do that in my 20s. Like, every meal, you know, it's like a sausage, egg, and cheese for breakfast. And like a Philly cheesesteak for lunch. No, but the bread is fibrous, right? Yeah, I guess. It's fiber. That's true.

It's like they're drinking cheese for breakfast. Like, literally just taking a bag of nacho cheese. And then coming over to my house, and I'm like, bro, what are you doing? What did you eat? Oh, man. Yeah, man. This why america's got a toilet paper problem yep because they like wait what about australia what didn't it start in australia they do the same thing oh do they yeah they do it's about when what look humans love chugging cheese true but but here's the thing real cheese it actually firms you up,

if you know what I mean. No. It's the weird, nasty, processed trash people are eating. They're eating garbage bin burgers

from Burger Joints with garbage bin, like, onion rings from Burger King. I'm sorry, Burger King. I'm not trying to rag on you, but that's not an onion ring. I don't know what that is.

It's like an onion-flavored bread, whatever. All right, let's read the last couple of these. Where are we at? A bread, whatever. All right, let's read the last couple of these. Where are we at? A couple new members. All right.

What does that say? I can't even read it. Somebody came a member. Appreciate it. Welcome, welcome. Infamous senior bomb. Thanks for coming to member. Thank you.

No one's business as Dallas County in Texas just got a stay in place order. I work for a local grocery store and was given critical industry employee authorization for travel in case I get pulled over. Man, that's getting crazy, huh? Adam Lay says, thanks for all the coronavirus updates. I work in grocery and you allowed me to stay ahead of the curve and keep the shelves stocked and support my community when every other store around was out.

Thanks for doing you. Awesome, man. Space Outer said, first, a self-spinning globe, now a self-spinning flying saucer. You have cool desk toys. We're all about the self-spinning. The UFO floats.spinning flying saucer you have cool desk toys we're all about the self-spinning the ufo floats it does it's floating it's floating do you have a wait let me pull you really can't see it wait there we go look it's not attached to wait where is it there we go it's so cool i'm doing this i wonder if i can wait wait tim's coming wait it's magnetic so yeah look oh no you don't want to yeah pen. No, because you can pull it off really easily.

Yeah, yeah. You got to be careful. It's cool. Yeah. So I don't even know why it's spinning. Who made it spin? Magic. All right.

I did. I just said it. Yeah, it's like Jesus. It's time to get down to business. All right, all right, all right. Dirty business. Down to business. Oh, my goodness.

New York City is concerned that young people want to be making love. The only problem is we're in the midst of a pandemic. And if you make love during the coronavirus pandemic, why you increase the chances that you will get coronavirus. So if you want to have make love, have fun, make love

to yourself. You got to slow down when you say it. Make love. I'm sorry. Also lower your voice. Lower your voice. I noticed. Make love. Well, if you want to make love, make love to yourself. Welcome to New York, everybody. I can't stop laughing. From the Daily Mail. You are your safest sex partner.

NYC officials published guide to intimacy during coronavirus pandemic with advice. This is not a good time to be having orgies. I didn't realize that. I thought now was the best time. We're trapped in the house. Well, I mean, what else are you going to do in the house? We've been playing board games, but man, little did I know. This is for real, dude.

This is real stuff. How insane. Oh, man. And then Daily Med just puts a picture of like naked people spitting, I guess. I mean, that's that's just two people. I would have assumed I'd see at least like eight legs. just puts a picture of like naked people spitting i guess i mean that's that's just two people i i would have assumed i'd see at least like eight legs uh i almost said seven legs but that would have made no sense oh yeah i mean maybe nyc health have released a graphic new memo graphic detailing

the do's and don'ts of having sex during the coronavirus pandemic don't and their top piece of advice is to take the matters into one's own hands while in lockdown and to avoid orgies. We are so not family friendly at this point. I apologize, but this is the important news. Hey, this is the New York City. They stated this. They put this out.

So we're just, you know, spreading the word. We gotta cover the news, man. Yeah, we're covering the news. Check it out. The NYC Department of Health issued a two-page memo Saturday listing its advice on how people can enjoy a healthy sex life while protecting themselves from being infected with coronavirus. The advice contained therein sent social media into a joke spiral, but also garnered praise from those who commended the document's inclusive nature. You know, I'm sorry, man.

We're five. We're five-year-olds. We're laughing at pee pee jokes. Yeah, it's true. The government put out a legitimate important document because of the pandemic and we're all laughing about the about potty jokes. I know, but they they said funny

things. Dude, they literally said you are your safest sex partner. Oh, man. No, I'm sorry dude it's so in nine nine months from now there is going to be a baby boom yeah i know and they're going to crawl at corona kids corona kids for real yeah yep that's good yep the corona generation or the corona kids and people are going to be like what does it mean oh it's because that's the name of

the of the the pandemic we're all shutting up yeah so it's funny because there's like the baby boom generation was what was it like after the people got back from world war ii yeah all of a sudden we had all this money the economy was great and started cranking out babies right now i gotta say man have you seen the political compass meme where it shows all of the different quadrants getting what they want so the authoritarian left is saying the corporations are falling apart. The libertarian left says the environment is healing. The authoritarian right says governments are collapsing. And then the authoritarian right says countries are closing their borders.

And then in the middle, it says my stock arenas. Oh, no. You know, what am I going to do? But here's the thing. All of this, this stuff that's happening has been a gift to the traditional right. People are going to have a gift to the traditional right. People are going to have a ton of babies, right? The replacement rate was way down. Yeah, that's true. People were not having kids. Not anymore. Now they're locked inside for an extended period of time.

And what do people do when they're bored? We all know. Well, New York wants to make sure they don't have kids. They're telling them to go, you know, crank it out themselves. Pleasure themselves. But no matter what they say, it's going to happen true so it's almost like what is this thing that just happened where we had this ongoing culture war where you have these you know ultra progressive woke people who all of a sudden became completely irrelevant overnight you've got feminists

complaining that we're being sent back to the 1950s i'm yeah, like we're going to have a baby boom. Yeah. It's like the fifties, man. It seriously is like, there's a real threat. The, the, the, the, the woke left is becoming completely irrelevant and obnoxious. And now people are locked inside and New York has to tell them like the best ways to bang amidst an outbreak. It's crazy stuff. The memo. So the memo was posted on the city government's agency website one day before the lockdown goes into effect for the 19 million residents of New York State Sunday night. It was titled Sex and Coronavirus Disease 2019. Begins by stating all New Yorkers should stay home and minimize contact with others to reduce the spread of COVID-19. Then it goes on to posit

the pertinent question on many homebound New Yorkers' minds. But can you have sex? Why would that be a question? I don't get it. I know. Especially because they said when you self-quarantine, you do it with your friends and the people you live with already. Right. So I guess, well, I guess there are probably a lot of people who are like, Tinder? Oh, man.

Dating culture has just shut down? Yeah. No more Tinder. Yeah, this is crazy. No more Tinder. No feminism. No feminism. No social justice. No social justice. Jeez. dating culture is just shut down yeah this is not tinder yeah this is no more tinder feminism no feminism social justice no social justice the borders are being closed asylum seekers are being turned away manufacturing is brought bring box it brought back to the u.s and now people are going to have a bunch of bang parties and have babies in nine months like this is a hard

traditional right win i guess it makes sense though it's nothing to do with whether or not it's benefiting the traditional right. It has to do with whether or not certain politics can exist outside of a crisis. Sounds like a hard reset. Yeah, it does. Someone's going, hit the reset button and it's just like... We have to reset. What the heck? I think it's funny that

we start by talking about the silliness of this pamphlet, but the reality is traditionalism is getting a huge victory through all of this. Yeah, I guess you're right. Yeah, man. People are going to be well, like we already said, the feminists are writing op-eds complaining about it. Yeah, that's true.

Instead of offering up a straight yes or no answer, NYC Health presents a variety of tips for how to enjoy sex and avoid spreading COVID-19. After reminding readers about how the coronavirus spreads through direct contact with their saliva or mucus, the agency states the virus has been found in the stool of people who have caught it, but not yet in the male or female fluids. You started this. We're going there.

It's like, you know, we're going to get demon like what you know we're gonna get demonetized those are scientific terms it doesn't matter really correct i mean actually you'd be surprised a lot of people complained because there was a video on youtube where it was like adults teaching children about sex toys and stuff okay and it was like an approved youtube thing really yeah people were like what are you doing these kids were like 10 years old gross yeah seriously man weird stuff no that's not right well anyway they say keeping in line with the current social distancing advice and lengthy hand washing to prevent the spread of coronavirus nyc health says that when it comes to having sex you are your safest partner it will not only not spread COVID-19,

especially if you wash your hands with soap and water for at least 20 seconds before and after sex. Wait, what? They call it sex? Whatever, man. I'm so confused. So basically Twitter exploded, choking the curve. Oh my gosh.

Are we children? Yes. All of us. Yes, we are. Are we children? Yes. All of us. Yes, we are. No, no, no. It's funny that, I mean, they had to do something, right? They have to talk about what you should or shouldn't be doing in this. And we're in our, like, how old are you, Adam?

I'm 36. I'm 34. Yeah. And we're sitting here giggling like little kids. Yeah, sure. Well, I never grew up. I'm still waiting. I'm still waiting to grow up. Oh, this is it? Yeah, yeah. I was looking to see if they like little kids. Yeah, sure. Well, I never grew up. I'm still waiting. I'm still waiting to grow up.

Oh, this is it? Yeah, yeah. I was looking to see if they actually had it. Oh, dude. They actually have it here. Oh, man. Are you going to read it? Can I read it?

Should I read it? Do it. Yeah. So this is the actual memo. It says, but can you have sex? Here are some tips on how to enjoy sex and how to avoid spreading COVID-19. Know how COVID-19 spreads. Well, then the show, I want to get to the good stuff.

Here we go. Number two, have people with, or have sex with people close to you. You are your safest sex partner. So this is the... No one closer to you than you. This is the word that I guess I can't say. I mean, you can't. Well, whatever.

Pleasuring yourself, there we go, will not spread COVID-19, especially if you wash your hands and any of the other toys you use with soap and water for at least 20 seconds before and after. The next safest partner is someone you live with. Having close contact, including sex, with only a small circle of people helps prevent spreading COVID-19. They said no orgies. People is plural. Only if they're in your, yeah, the people you live with, I guess. So, hold on.

Is New York telling us to bang our roommates? Did you just wink at me? What? I'm just kidding. New York's advice is get off Tinder and have you hydrate. They're saying get off Tinder

and have you tried banging your roommate? Yeah. You all live in New York. You have railroad apartments. You all live in the same room anyway. It's one big, long room that everyone walks through. It's about time to ask your roommates to put up or shut up. If you usually meet your sex partners online or make a living having sex,

consider taking a break from in-person dates. Video dates and sexing or chat rooms may be options for you. If you usually meet your partners online wow tinder's over the government of new york has flat out said no no no no online dating don't meet strangers for sex no no no you're your best partner i don't know why i don't know why that happened. Take care. Kissing can easily pass COVID-19. Oh, here's important stuff. I swear, if you got kids that are listening to this, you need to cover their ears right now.

I hope they're all in bed by now. This article is gone. You better read all of this. This is a late night show, by the way. Yeah, apparently. All right. Oh, my goodness. Do I have to read this? Are we going to get in trouble?

I'm having such a great time. You edit it accordingly. Rimming. Okay. I don't know what that is. Let's just do basketball. Wait, hold on. Hold on.

I can do this. He's got this. It is when you kiss a butthole. There you go. Kind of. It might spread COVID-19 because the feces may enter your mouth. Wow. All right.

Thanks for letting me know, New York. I'll keep that in mind next time I kiss a butthole. I'm locking my door tonight. Oh, man. But they do mention. Oh, wow. I'm having a great time tonight. They do mention that dental dams can reduce the amount of feces that gets in your mouth.

So just consider that. I think this advice is something you should consider any time. Yeah, I agree. Washing up before and after is more important now than ever. No, no. It's important as it's always been. Man, I'm dying over here. Here we go.

Here's my favorite part. Skip sex if you or your partner is not feeling well. Yeah, okay. What's the implication? That you're like going up to your partner and like, I don't want to do it. I don't feel well. Too bad. Yeah, right? Only now

you have to say, okay, we won't then. But any other time where they're like, I feel sick. I don't want to. No, well, it's too bad. And then what? If you or your partner have COVID-19, avoid having sex. Okay, I will. All right. These are good pointers. If you start to feel unwell,

you may be about to develop symptoms of COVID-19, which includes fever, cough, sore throat, and shortness of breath. If you or your partner has a medical condition that can lead to more severe COVID-19, you may also want to skip sex. Medical conditions include lung disease, heart disease, diabetes, cancer, or a weakened immune system. Okay, I'm going to be honest. Like, they have to do it

because there are a lot of dumb people out there, right? You know what? It's true. And not only that, there's people that don't care about any of this and they're going out and having their orgies anyway. And there are people that right now were ordered to isolate

and instead they went on the beach and started chugging beer through their body's butt cracks. Their first reaction was to go to somebody else's butt. Yeah. You know what's funny? But it spreads in feces, so you butt chuggers out there. Well, no, but listen, listen.

The people who went on spring break and were like, we're not going to be quarantined. Yeah. I can understand not wanting to be quarantined. Yeah, yeah. But did you really have to chug off your friend's butt? Like, pouring the beer down their crack and drinking it? It's almost like you want to get sick.

It's a degree of absurdity that goes beyond just them defying quarantine. Yeah, giving a big middle finger to fate. It feels like they did it on purpose. Yeah, giving a big middle finger to fate. Screw you. Yeah, exactly. Well, they think they're invincible. They're young.

I get it. Yeah, they think so until they get it. And then they're invincible they're young i get it yeah they think so until they get it and then yeah and they're like whoa it's me whoa i i have it i gotta admit i do feel kind of bad making fun of them for this because you know they gotta put it out you know i'll put it we're not making fun about new york yeah nyc right oh no i'm not making fun of nyc i make we're making fun of the people that they needed to put this out for. Right. That's what it is.

Yeah. Right? Yeah, exactly. If you lick a butt, you might get feces in your mouth. What? I didn't know that. I'm so confused. Thanks, New York, for letting me know.

I'm pretty sure there are people who didn't know that. Yep. It's true. All the butt chuggers are like, oh, no. What? I don't get it, man. But when you're surrounded by a bunch of morons, you don't care. You know what I mean?

Yeah. So it was like it's like a human centipede thing. They all form a circle of butt chugging. It's amazing. Now, granted, what I saw wasn't a huge ring. It was like four or five people. But like, hey, do your thing, I guess. Just let me know if you do. That's I can avoid you far far away from you yeah i don't want i don't want i

don't want germs i don't want you like talking to me and then like spitting on accident and like is that like the new flies out new hi hi nice to meet you hey by the way do you have you ever butt chugged or have you butt chugged in the past 24 24 months you when you go to when you go all right i'm leaving when you go to your next business meeting, you say, Hi, my name is Bill. Nice to meet you. Jim. Great to meet you. Jim, just a couple of questions. Have you ever bent over and poured a beard on the crack of another person's butt and then drank it?

And if the answer is yes, get out of my office. Do you have hand sanitizer for we just shook hands? I would like to clean my hands. No, no, no. You definitely asked that question before you shake your hands. Hi, Bill. I'm Don. Let me just ask you a question before wash my hands. No, no, no. You definitely asked that question before you shake your hands. Hi, Bill. I'm Don. Let me just ask you a question before we shake hands.

According to the New York City Health Commission, it's entirely possible that you may have licked someone's butt and gotten feces in your mouth. Yeah. So actually, I watched – do you ever hear of Black Pigeon Speaks? No. You know who he is. Yeah, I love him. He's a YouTuber, and he put out a video about Japan. Okay.

Because I think he's in Japan. He is, yeah. And he was talking about how they did not have a serious, you know, they got hit by it, they dealt with it really quickly, and now they're kind of okay. Okay. They don't shake hands. They bow. They wear masks.

Yeah, makes sense. When they get sick, they don't want to get other people sick, so they wear masks. Yeah, makes sense. They don't shake hands. They don't hug and kiss. And it was funny, he said they don't want to get other people sick so they wear masks yeah they don't shake hands they don't hug and kiss and it was funny he said they don't like to be touched i thought that was funny it's like yes don't touch me yeah give me you're invading my personal space yeah but but americans are on tinder all the time yeah italians are kissing each other all the time true so it's no surprise i mean it's kind of stereotypical how how italy got so bad.

Yeah. Because they, on the cheeks. Double, both sides. They walk up, they grab your hand, they start rubbing you all over and squeezing and then licking your face. And it's just like, boom, and you're sick. And Americans, we lick products on the shelves and drink beer out of buttholes and gross. Good for us.

Wow. You know what, man? That's freedom. That's freedom. That's freedom. That's freedom. That's what, man? That's freedom. That's freedom. That's freedom. That's freedom. That's freedom, baby.

Yeah, great. Pros and cons, man. You got to take the good with the bad. Yep. Yep. I like my freedom too much. Tell someone not to drink beer off someone's butt. That's true.

But if you want me to pay for... It pains me to go, yes, you're right. If you want me to pay for their health care, we got to have another conversation about this. It's also true. Yeah.'re right. If you want me to pay for their health care, we got to have another conversation about this. Also true. Yeah. All right. Well, let's jump over to Super Chats. But I do want to give you a quick preview on the next little bit.

We are looking at the end of days. Coronavirus is bringing a plague of dangerous doomsday predictions. It's not just one. Apparently, a couple some woman has predicted this, you know, 20 years ago, and we're seeing a wave of locusts swarming in, like, Pakistan and in, like, East Africa. The end has come. Yep. Yep.

So let's grab some super chats, and then we'll talk about the apocalypse, because, you know, that's always fun. Yeah, fun. All right, let's try and figure out where we were before the super chats went nuts. All right, here we go. Let's see sleeping maribo says you guys should make a gaming channel as a side gig would love to see you guys react to doom eternal i think i think you should do it i should yeah we'll set it up maybe on the weekends cool the red bike master says name your kid wade wade pool i like that oh yeah or dead

leaves are powder thanks for the uh poop emoji fits very well with the last segment the theme is good yes adam lay says thanks for all the coronavirus updates i work in grocery uh oh i read that one already jason says truck stolen by three what is this uh three black civics with spoon motors what is that i don't know that is no idea space lighter said first a self-spinning globe oh i read that one sorry oh wait that's a What is that? I don't know what that is. No idea. Space Outer said, Oh, I read that one. Sorry. Oh, wait.

That's a Fast and Furious reference, I believe. Ah. Because didn't they do that in the second one or something? I don't know. Or the first one, maybe? I don't know. Dracus Lutho says, Yeah, for real.

Yep. Estrip says, You are your safest partner. Have you ever heard the story of what people got stuck in them in the hospital? Have you seen Jackass? They see it in every emergency room, every night. Every night? Yep.

It's bad. Aaron says, a toilet paper. I'm not going to read that word. Would be an interesting thing to see. Cliff says, not Corona, kids, but Coroni coronials coronials what is that the new millennials oh coronials i like that yeah yeah i could see it or yeah great kate says tim i just want to say i'm so glad i stocked up early thanks dude also proud of serving my community by keeping the shelves stocked feels good man appreciate it rashad johnson says shelby county just got a

shelter in place order. I do security for grocery supplier. They just gave all of the drivers tax exemptions as of yesterday. They are also waiving the 14 hour time limit for drivers. Wow, man. This is wartime. Vivian says, have you heard about the Federal Reserve putting out a memo about buying stocks and corporate assets? We don't need communism. We have the Fed. I have not heard about that, but interesting. HydroHomie says, imagine coming out Corona. We should all get our weewees registered as handguns.

Sure. Artemis says, when this is all over, there's going to be an orgy the size of Seth Rogen's Sausage Party. Oh, man. That movie was so weird. Did you see Sausage Party? It was weird. What a disgusting and weird movie that made no sense. It was not for children children that's for sure no kidding doom mood says hey yo in quebec from the 25th of the 13th of april everything is closed down except essentials but i still work because i'm

a programmer thanks there you go you work in digital you're good er uh where are we at we just jumped again i hate when does that aaron says so in emily Tim, and Lydia... I'm not reading that. Nope. Moving on. It's funny, though. Grave367 says, Mom, the funny YouTube beanie man said butthole. I'm glad you're letting your mom know. Julian Borja... Tell her to watch. Julian Borja says, Maybe we need Jesus. Well, discipline.

I'm right here. Yeah, he is. I'm just kidding. Zikshi says, These days of openness of sex has gone too far. Strongly agree. DuckNuck, thanks for the super chat. Thank you. Corey, thanks for becoming a member.

Yep. Jack says, Guess I'll have to take NYC's advice and just pleasure myself. All the schools and playgrounds in my area are closed. Ooh, that was a naughty joke. Whoa, whoa.

Yeah, that was... Woolfoot D. Leone says, You know what corona means. Seems relevant. Yeah. Cord says, Norwegians don't even talk to you know what Corona means. Seems relevant. Yeah. Chord says, Norwegians don't even talk to each other. We should be good then. Yeah, they don't like people either. Mine Mill X says, joke stolen from a legend in chat. Here he is, Rim Tim. There you go. Here it is. Poofy says, I don't want to pray for those spring break butt chuggers,

educations, or medical bills. And stop winking at your roommate, Tim. Don't you tell me what to do. The Grinson says, Pete booty chug for 2020. Love the content. Greetings from Austria. This is the least

family-friendly podcast we've ever done. Yeah, I told my siblings. I was like, it's not going to be family-friendly. Alex Aiello says, somehow we are fitting

the 1920s in two months. Seriously, for real. What the heck? Stan says, Generation Coomer. Nope. Kyle Miller says, please we are fitting the 1920s in two months. Seriously, for real. Yeah, man, what the heck? Stan says, Generation Coomer. Nope. Kyle Miller says, please go over the Democratic's counter to the Republican coronavirus relief. We don't think we have it, do we? No.

No. I don't know what it is. But I know that they were saying they wanted to give everyone $1,000 per month instead of a one-time check there's also like something to do with tax credit for yeah unemployment expansions like there was a bunch of stuff all sorts of random stuff that has nothing to do with it and it's because apparently one there was an op-ed in the usa today where they said now the republicans are desperate we can get whatever we want yeah no i'm not i'm not into that yeah no corny says should look up Handbook of COVID-19 Prevention and Treatment. Elizabeth, thanks for becoming a member.

And Duck says, this gen did say they eat booty like groceries. Yeah, there you go. There are songs about it. Well, the next segment, the apocalypse. But before we jump into it, make sure if you want to support the show, click the join button down below or go to youtube.com slash timcast IRL slash join.

And it's five bucks a month. It helps the show, but we are, we are planning to have this up on like iTunes and everything finally. So that will just, you know, take some time to figure out we're waiting for approval, but for everyone else, if you subscribe and hit the notification bell, you can go to the community section of this channel on YouTube and get the full length podcast every morning when we post it. So do that. And then also follow us us you can see my name is right there and then Adams is there you go right there wait I got this yes up to your right there we go yes yeah sorry about that guys look at the UFOs blue now amazing I just did that

with my mind yeah what color is it next, Adam? I'm colorblind, so. Oh, okay. Never mind. Sorry. That's colorist. Colorist. Ableist.

Ableist. Is that what it is? Yeah. Yeah. That's not okay, man. Yeah, yeah. You just called me a man. You just misgendered me.

Oh, no. What the heck? What's going on around here? All right. Hey, hey. Calm down. Calm down, people. All right.

We're getting cabin fever in here. The end is nigh. It's too early. We need to go outside. This is the end of days. The end is nigh. It's too early. We need to go outside. This is the end of days. The end of days. Take a look at this. It is not really the end of days.

Coronavirus is bringing a plague of dangerous doomsday predictions. In the summer of 2008, an elderly psychic who claimed she started receiving premonitions at age five published a book that contained an ominous prediction. In around 2020, a severe pneumonia-like illness will spread throughout the globe, attacking the lungs and the bronchial tubes and resisting all known treatments. It said, almost more baffling than the illness itself will be the fact that it will suddenly vanish as quickly as it arrived, attack again it does. Attack again 10 years later and then disappear completely. Well, that'd be wonderful. We woke up next, like, tomorrow. And it was gone.

Everybody's cured. But what if you woke up tomorrow and you were like, so what's going on with the outbreak? And then we all just went like this. What outbreak, Adam? The world is fine. Then what? I would rip your beanie off.

Be like, Tim, I saved you. And the beanie? Fight, because it'd be like trying to get on me. Be like, Tim, I saved you. And the beanie? Fight, because it'd be like trying to get on me. Yeah. All right, let's see. They say, the prediction faded from public memory, and the book's author, Sylvia Brown, died in 2013. But the coronavirus pandemic has brought new attention to Brown's book,

End of Days, Predictions and Prophecies about the End of the World. It shot up to number two on Amazon's nonfiction chart and physical copies are now selling for hundreds of dollars. What? I can explain this very, very simply to you. And I'm going to use something that I kind of learned from Penn and Teller. Your name is John. John, I'm thinking of a number between one and 50. And guess what? Oh, no, no, no. I'm sorry. I want you to pick a number between one and 50. And John, you picked 23. The gag is Penn and Teller did this where with enough people watching, most people will just be like, my name's not John and I didn't pick 23. Yeah. But for all of the people who are named John, who did pick 23, they're going, what? Why did you do

that? Yeah. And it's because I just, it's random. It's just probability. So here you have a lady wrote a book. Guess what? I'm sure there are like 500 million books from people who claimed things and we don't care about any of the books

that got it wrong. Right. So it's like, it's like, you ever see those, the Plinko game? Yeah. You know,

it's like you drop the ball and it bounces around. Yeah. If you dump a hundred balls into a little thing, it's gonna, you're gonna get one in one of the slots.

Yeah. Congratulations. Yeah. Now that I've rained on everyone's parade, let's read a little bit more. They say government and public health officials have issued all sorts of guidelines to help people protect themselves against the spread of COVID-19. But there's another contagion that experts seem helpless to stop. The plague of profits, warning that the coronavirus is a sign we're at the end of days. There is something about pandemics that caused panicked people to empty their minds along with supermarket shelves and replace it with toilet paper, I guess. Apparently. Countless doomsday warnings like Brown's prediction are spreading online, blending coronavirus fears with everything

from political paranoia about a one world government controlled by the UN to Australian wildfires and swarms of locusts in Africa. Well, therefires and swarms of locusts in Africa. Well, there are literally swarms of locusts in Africa. And that's one of the plagues, isn't it? Is the coronavirus a plague? Potts and Boyles was, but this is not that. No, this is people

dying. Well, that was the end plague was everyone died. Really? Yeah, dude. Well, it's not killing everyone, though. Did we miss the part where the firstborn got all snatched up? Was that one of them? Or was that not a plague? That was a plague.

It was? And I don't remember Passover. They put blood on the... Yeah. So this is actually happening. Check this out. There's some crazy videos, man. East Africa faces dual shock from coronavirus and locust swarms.

Dang. Yeah, dude. Already being ravaged by the worst infestation of desert locusts in 70 years, East African economies are now staring down the barrel of the coronavirus pandemic. The region was the standout performer for economic growth in the subcontinent prior to the locust outbreaks, which threatens the food security and livelihoods of 25 million people and has required emergency funding of its own from the UN and international governments.

Now, it gets even weirder. China launches huge fight back against biblical plague in the Middle East. Now, this one's weird from March 9th because it includes China fighting in the Middle East against a biblical locust swarm. It's like a perfect storm of weird, like, common news events. Locusts, China, biblical, Middle East, all just mashed together in one.

Yep. But hey. What a time to be alive. Right. This is from Express.co.uk. They say, what does it say? China has launched a huge fight against a swarm of locusts

of biblical proportions, which has now seen Pakistan against a swarm of locusts of biblical proportions, which has now seen Pakistan declare a state of emergency. Is there a video of the locusts, maybe? Whoa, are those actual pictures? This is just some planes. What is this? Oh, okay. This is just airplanes. This is just people from China arriving. I want pictures of locusts. The Middle Eastern country became the latest victim of a swarm of locusts that have wreaked havoc across East Africa for weeks,

endangering economies in a region heavily dependent on agriculture for food security. Heavy rains. Yeah, we get it. Show us the locusts. Oh, there they are. Now, the funny thing is, on their own, they're cute little grasshoppers. But together, they're a swarm of vicious crop ravaging monsters that make scary sounds. So they're going to talk about China providing, you know, cargo and supplies. I'm not super concerned about, you know, what China's doing. Just the fact there is a locust swarm. Yeah.

And the interesting thing about everything that's going on, on Netflix, what did you pull up Netflix the other day? Yeah, it was the number, like the top 10 movies. Half of them are outbreak, pandemics, and whatever. All these, Day to Tomorrow. Everyone's watching apocalypse movies. Everyone's like, let's just dive as deep as we can. Yeah, I saw my uncle say something about that. He's like, why are we doing this?

This is really strange to me. And I was like, no, we kind of want to know what's going to happen. And we have this affinity for stuff that we're like, we're in the movie. Most of these movies are terrible. Contagion. haven't seen contagion's good i gotta see that contagion isn't like a regular movie no that like it's it's interesting because it follows a bunch of different characters doing a bunch of different things okay but the craziest thing right now is this viral video where this dude he's filming cnn okay it's sanjay gupta saying increase your social distancing we need to you know do x y and z here's what we can expect and

he's like wait a minute and then he turns to another screen and it's the movie contagion where lawrence fishburne is saying the exact same thing to sanjay gupta seriously in the movie and he was like did this dude just say the exact same thing to the guy who's saying it now he's like y'all we're in a movie man it's crazy we're in a movie there's another doomsday prophecy thing happening right now that's not really that relevant this is from the catholic news agency which i might add is absolutely certified as a credible news organization by news guard is strange and they say i can't what is this medjugorje yeah visionary says monthly apparitions have come to an end this story is about a woman

yeah yeah uh okay it's a woman that's the town she's in bosnia and her oh that's why you can't pronounce it a woman who claims to be a visionary of the blessed virgin mary in the Bosnian town of Medjugorje, has said that Mary will no longer appear to her on the second of every month as she has reportedly done monthly since 1987. Alleged Marian apparitions have long been a subject of controversy in the church, which have been investigated by the church but not yet authenticated or rejected. So the alleged apparitions began in 1981 when six children, a town that is now that a town in what is now Bosnia and Herzegovina began to experience phenomena which they have they have claimed to be apparitions of the Blessed Virgin Mary. According to these six seers, the apparitions contained a message of peace for the

world, a call to conversion, prayer and fasting, as well as certain secrets surrounding events to be fulfilled in the future. The fasting thing to me sounds like, you know, lose some weight, man. Could you imagine if, like, apparitions were really just like, like aliens came and they were like, dude, put down the fork, bro.

And they were like, they told me to fast. Well, I guess. Well, why just this one person? It's six people. Oh, six people six people oh six seers oh six seers since their beginning the alleged apparitions have been a source of both controversy and conversion with many flocking to the city for pilgrimage and prayer and some claiming to have experienced miracles at the site while many others claimed to claim the visions are non-credible wasn't there a story we talked about this before where like they were licking, there was like a statue of Mary was crying,

and they started licking it and stuff. And there was sewage lines. Yeah, it was a leaky toilet. Man. Maybe it's not true. I don't know. It's the internet. You don't know if it's true.

It's all true. So here's what happened. On March 18th, Soldo announced that the Blessed Mother would no longer appear to her at the time, according to the Caritas community, which identifies itself as the largest Medjugorje center in the world. In January 2014, a Vatican commission concluded a nearly four-year-long investigation on the doctrinal and disciplinary aspects of the apparitions and submitted a document to the congregation for the doctrine of faith.

When the congregation has analyzed the commission's findings, it will finalize a document on the site, which will be submitted to the Pope, who will make a final decision. Pope Francis approved Catholic pilgrimages there in May 2019, but he has not made a deliberation on the authenticity of the apparitions. Those alleged apparitions still require an examination by the church. Yeah, we get it. They're not going to say whether it's real or not so wait so so people were flocking here to like because it was like a religious place where people were having visions of the virgin mary right right so now there's a like a pandemic in the world and they're like no more visions no more visions so no reason to come here well don't come here anymore yeah maybe but they're going to kick back up again like

six months it's over she's returned i'm. I'm serious. I'm calling her now. Well, we'll see. But we did that story the other day about Yellowstone pulsating. Yeah, yeah. That's true. It's 2020. It is the end. No one ever said 2020 was the end of days.

Well, this girl did, didn't she? Oh, no. She just said that there'd be a pneumonia. Yeah, see, smart prophets don't give dates. Right. Why does CNN got to rain on our parade? Look at this. Yeah, come on.

Making fun of everybody. There's a long history of bad doomsday predictions. That's true. That is true. So when I lived in LA, there was a billboard, and it said something like, I can't remember the date. It was like, June 16, 2010 will be the end. And I was like, oh, man, it's going to be so funny when that comes and passes.

And then you know what happened when it passed? What? They just changed the date. Really? Yeah. And the guy apparently was like, I, man, it's going to be so funny when that comes and passes. And then it happened when it passed. They just changed the date. Really? Yeah. And the guy apparently was like, I was three months too early. I misinterpreted the texts and the prophecy. And then I'm like, bro, it's been 10 years.

We're all still here. But I don't know. I guess people just, man, they buy into this stuff. Yes, they do. You know what? When I was little, my dad used to say, like, you know what you do if someone tells you the world's going to end?

What? Then you make a bet. How much do you want to bet? Yeah. I'll bet you my life savings the world doesn't end tomorrow. You know why? Because if it does end,

what do you... What do I care? What do you need your life savings for? And so it's a win. It's it. You can only win. So then it's like,

all right, you owe me, you know, you owe me 10 grand or whatever. Yeah. Then there you go. Make the bet. so i mean that's that's a good way to call these people out yeah say all right i'll tell you what not even a big bet i'll tell you what if the if the world i'll bet you like it's such a ridiculous thing because if the world ends you can't give them the money anyway i know yeah that's like we're all dead yeah so it's a win-win so this is funny check it out they. They say, remember Y2K?

How about the Mayan apocalypse? Some people pointed to the end of the Mayan long-count calendar on December 21st, 2012, to conclude it also meant the end of the world. They warned of giant tidal waves and the Earth would collide with another planet. Sales of survival kits soared. And there were reports that a man in China built a modern-day Noah's

Ark. But such bad predictions aren't a modern phenomenon. You know what's funny? You know, the Mayan calendar, it's just the end of the calendar, so it's the beginning of the calendar again. This is a joke. Do you know what the great year is? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

The joke I used to have with people is, how would you feel if I came to you and showed you a calendar and I said, it ends December 31st? That's when the world will end. You're like, no, it goes back to January 1st. What do you mean? Right, exactly. You're like, no, no, no, no. The calendar ends.

There's no calendar after this calendar. I got a crazy story, though, for you. In the early 2000s, because I used to talk to my friends about all this stuff. The aughts. I recently learned this. I learned this. Yeah, I love it. It makes the early 2000s.

Yeah. It's like the aughts. Yeah. Early aughts. Yeah. Early aughts. We were reading up on this stuff. And one of the things we ended up reading was that it said, this was well before 2012. It said the Mayans never believed the world would come to an end December 21st, 2012. They believed that a new era would awaken where everyone could know each other's thoughts and feelings.

Twitter first. Social media. Social media. Social media. And at the time, everyone assumed, all my friends were like thinking that meant like we'd somehow become psychic. Yeah. And we were like, that's ridiculous.

Right. Like the world ending, we roll our eyes at, but at least the world blowing up is something, you know, but how do you become psychic? It makes no sense. Yeah, yeah. Twitter. Twitterverse.

YouTube, Facebook. You can open up this blue screen and see everyone's shower thoughts. But that's what was crazy to me because I remember I didn't even think about this until a couple years later. And I was talking to my friends about it and they were like, we were talking about some of the old things we had read. And I was like, oh, man, the way we read it back then made it sound like it would be the dawning of a new age where humans would have this great enlightenment instead we did get this thing where we can hear each other's thoughts but it's twitter it's a bunch of screeching banshees who are angry at everything and offended all the time yeah it's not some glorious although it does feel like we talked about earlier it does feel like

someone hit a hard reset button on the on the planet and it's like i mean thing humanity is going to change because of this yeah all across the world people are are dealing with the coronavirus in different ways but it's like in six months it's going to be society's going to be a little different have you ever seen a car pulling a trailer start fishtailing yeah it starts small wobbles crazier and crazier and then eventually just flips over yeah i think that's what we're doing for the longest time okay we were driving in this car pulling the trail no problem yeah and then throughout the past decade it's been slowly swerving a little bit more and more 2020 is where we're like swerving like crazy and about to flip over yeah yeah we got this i mean everything

feels like it's falling apart i mean the economy is about to is just dead stopped yeah it's almost like the simulation just ended. It's true. And now they're like, well, this is the end, boys. Yeah. You know, just shut her down. And that's where we're at. Locusts are everywhere.

There's no checks. Just like jellyfish are invading the sea. There's so much more doomsday stuff that we didn't even cover. Yeah. Like the jellyfish that are appearing everywhere. Do you know the story? Yeah, they're everywhere. All of the fisheries are being replaced by jelly fisheries.

Really? Yeah. That's not what you want, though. Over fishing. So the fisheries are being replaced by jelly fisheries. Really? Yeah. That's not what you want, though. Overfishing. So the void in fish, all the jellyfish come. And now people are harvesting jellyfish for food. There's like a whole bunch of crazy stuff happening on the planet. We had those volcanic eruptions recently.

Remember that? No. What was it? New Zealand? New Zealand, yeah. And then people just got like... People died. Yeah, dude.

Like, I get it. Volcanoes erupt, you know? But you shouldn't be hiking around it. It just feels like it's... It's actually happening? No. Yeahcanoes erupt. But you shouldn't be hiking around it. It just feels like it's... It's actually happening? No. A little bit. To quote Philip J. Fry,

it's the waiting I can't stand. I like the way you put it this time. To quote Philip J. Fry? We've been watching so much Futurama. Or quoting it so much. I feel like I need to do a deep dive into Futurama so I can understand all your references. It's a great show.

It is good. I actually really like it a lot. When we're playing board games, we have Futurama in the background. And so that's where all these references are coming from. But I recently watched Kang and Kodos, Treehouse of Horrors. Is that the name of an episode or something,

or it's the two aliens from the Simpsons, the two alien, the big green tentacle monsters and the Simpsons. Oh, okay. Yeah. And so it's been a while since I've seen Simpsons. They died off a long time ago.

Yeah. But dude, the Bob Dole, Bill Clinton episode where Kang and Kodos take their bodies over and then are running. Oh, I don't think it's hilarious. No. And then I don't, I don't, I don't, uh wasn't this, so, yeah, so, there's a bunch of funny

jokes. You should check it out. But there, I don't remember which episode it was. I think it was the one where Kang and Kodos demand Maggie. Okay. Because she's apparently half alien because she got impregnated by Kodos with, like, a ray gun or something. Okay.

But then when they refused to give her up, they were like, if you don't give it to her, we will go to your Washington, Dc and purge your congress and then homer looks at marge and she looks back and he goes you couldn't get all of them could you and they're like watch us and they're like oh no don't but that was in the 90s that's pretty funny like the approval rating for congress is anyway i don't know how we got on that subject let's we'll wrap this one up we'll grab the super chats and then... Yeah, yeah. There you go.

Sweet. Yeah. Man, time flies when you're having fun. Yeah, man. Yeah, man. Although, in that show, 100 Humans, they prove that it actually doesn't. All right. When you're having fun, time actually seems to go longer.

Really? Yeah, it's nice. It's really fun. All right, let's see where we're at. Duck says, this gen did say all right that one simon says bet people sure wish they learned how to code now yep you know the learn to code meme yeah when all the journalists yeah got fired yeah the buzz says the democrat alternative is literally the green new deal redux of course they're going to shoehorn this stuff basically

yeah artemis says when a forest grows too wild purging fire is inevitable and natural corona is the fire and the butt chuggers are the wild forest well they're the they're the um the brush the the you know that falls from the trees and builds up that that burns out first mark hunter and the senate thanks for coming to members yes thank you jabari says earn it bill will end all freedom oh i'll check that one out i don't it. Jacob says, I hope they cleaned their butts before drinking. They didn't. I'm sure they did not. No, they're partying on the beach.

Tom Echo, thanks for becoming a member. Thank you. Jason Solo says, abortions could be first born. Interesting. That's what I was thinking. Yeah. Interesting. I actually did think that, but I wasn't going to bring it up.

The Grizzly says, Tim, there is only one true doomsday product about the one uh product uh prophecy you mean about the one who chose the path of perpetual torment all those who tasted the bite of his beanie named him the beanie slayer the beanie slayer jacob thanks for coming to member thanks aaron says the virgin mary has seen too much booty chugging she has called this called for this plague it's like that's it yep i'm calling it for humanity. East Shore, thanks for becoming a member. Thanks. Cliff says, 2020 is not the end of days. It is when hidden things start

coming to light. Ooh, interesting. J South says, just for Futurama, it's the best. I love that show. It's so good. Cirilio says, Tim, do you have any thoughts on a lately trending hashtag on Twitter? I don't know what that is. Tim, thanks for getting me through my essential work week. Gina A says,

Sylvia Brown, who predicted Corona, told a woman she was communicating with a woman's missing daughter on a talk show. Brown said she was dead. The daughter was found alive years later. Oh, weird. Oh, Sylvia Brown. I think I know who that is.

Everybody knows who she is. I think she got debunked or something, didn't she? She sure did. Yeah. And now she's debunked or something, didn't she? She sure did. Yeah. And now she's on the best dealer list. Yeah, now it's like vindication. I think it's funny how the excuse is always like, my vision is cloudy that my predictions may be wrong. And then they just

hope they get some of them right. Right. Anyway. Hey everybody, thanks for hanging out. We're getting close to about wrapping up. Oh wow. So if you didn't, follow me and follow Adam. Those are our Twitter, Instagram. We found them, yes. Hit the like button if you didn't, follow me and follow Adam. Those are our Twitter, Instagram. We found them. Yes.

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I'm not sure if I want to go the route of like, before we go to the next segment, let's talk about these sweet, delicious wheat crackers. You know what I mean? You know, I do this sometimes from some of my other stuff, but we'll figure it out. For the time being thanks for hanging out we'll see you all tomorrow at 8pm

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