Timesuck with Dan Cummins - 106 - Andrew MF'n Jackson: Gunslingin' War Hero and President

Episode Date: September 24, 2018

Andrew Jackson. Seventh president of the United States. First president born to immigrant parents. Only president to serve in both the American Revolution and the War of 1812. First president to be a resident of a state other than Massachusetts or Virginia. A hard-nosed son of Scotch-Irish immigrants who was quick to throw down in a duel. He fought in the Revolutionary War at the age of 13 and then fought off a would be assassin with a cane at the age of 68. And then he fought a whole bunch of people in between. First President to be assaulted while in office. First to have someone try and kill him in office. And now, long in the grave, his legacy fights to be known for more than slave-ownership and the infamous Trail of Tears. He was a polarizing man in his lifetime and had been even more polarizing in death. And we suck him today, on Timesuck! You probably won’t love everything about him but if you don’t respect at least some of the life he lived, well, then you’re just weren’t paying attention, today, on Timesuck! Merch - https://badmagicmerch.com/ Want to try out Discord!?! https://discord.gg/tqzH89v Want to join the Cult of the Curious private Facebook Group? Go directly to Facebook and search for "Cult of the Curious" in order to locate whatever current page hasn't been put in FB Jail :) For all merch related questions: https://badmagicmerch.com/pages/contact Please rate and subscribe on iTunes and elsewhere and follow the suck on social media!! @timesuckpodcast on IG, @timesuckpodcast on Twitter, and www.facebook.com/timesuckpodcast Wanna be a Space Lizard? We're over 3000 strong! Click here: https://www.patreon.com/timesuckpodcast Sign up through Patreon and for $5 a month you get to listen to the Secret Suck, which will drop Thursdays at Noon, PST. You'll also get 20% off of all regular Timesuck merch PLUS access to exclusive Space Lizard merch. You get to vote on two Monday topics each month via the app. And you get the download link for my new comedy album, Feel the Heat. Check the Patreon posts to find out how to download the new album and take advantage of other benefits. And, thank you for supporting the show by doing your Amazon shopping after clicking on my Amazon link at www.timesuckpodcast.com

Andrew Jackson, seventh president of the United States, first president born to immigrant parents, only president to serve in both the American Revolution and the War of 1812, first president to be a resident of a state other than Massachusetts or Virginia. The hard-nosed son of Scotch Irish immigrant Rednex who was quick to throw down in a duel. He fought in the Revolutionary War at the age of 13 and then fought off a would- be assassin with a cane at the age of 68. And he fought a whole bunch of other people in between. First president to be assaulted while in office, first to have someone try to kill him while in office.

And now long in the grave, his legacy fights to be known for more than slave ownership and the infamous trail of tears. He was a polarizing man in his lifetime and has been even more polarizing in death. He was a war hero and accomplished president and a dedicated loving husband. He was also arguably harder on American Indians than any other president and a hard ass slave owner as well. You probably won't love everything about him, but if you don't respect at least some of the life he lived, well, then you just weren't paying attention today on Time Suck. Harry Monday time suckers, hail Nimrod, praise vote, Jangles and hail Lucifina.

I'm Dan Collins, the master sucker, profiting Nimrod, play thing, I'll lose the Fina. Sometime, Chutoy, a Vodangles, and you, dear Meat sack, are listing the time sack. Welcome to, or welcome back to the cult of the Curious. We get to fucking year. There's room, we made room for you. Over there, in the corner, no, not there. Yeah, there you go.

You smell good today. It's not like you're about to get a little smarter. Good for you. Well, well played. Recording the Suck Dungeon, this fine fall day with Reverend Dr. Joe motherfucking Paisley, You smell good today. It's not like you're about to get a little smarter. Good for you. Well, well played. Record in the suck dungeon this fine fall day with Reverend Dr. Joe motherfucking paisley. Queen of suck, Lindsay, gonna be in here soon. Not in here in the studio, but in the building.

Time sucks today is sponsored by the War and Conquest podcast hosted by Time Sucker Neil Eckert. Neil presents a weekly series that spends multiple weeks on one specific civilization to give you a well-rounded look at the who, the what, the when, the where, the there, the how, and roughly 30-minute installments. He touches on often overlooked aspects of major historical moments missed by other podcasts and presentations and throws in a bit of historical humor to keep moving. He also struggles a bit with certain tricky names.

I get that. And use his ton of pop culture and movie references to explain, for example, ancient warfare. His first in-depth look is into the civilization of Macedon, which covers the life in conquest, a future time-stock topic Alexander the Great. And again, did I mention he's a time-sucker? The podcast, Sponning More Podcasts. I love it. I love it. Listen to war and conquest. Get to go deep on some history on iTunes, Cast Box, tons of other popular podcast apps. Hail Nimrod. Lincoln today's episode, description. Also, new merch, lots of it in the store today. I've already been wearing it. You're space, you know, you've

known about it for a few days now. Queen of the suck, danger brain, access to peril. Worth their hines off. Worth their bottoms off to create our coolest line of products yet. First thing's first, that new time stock hat, you already know about the second generation, time stock snapback beauty, does now truly come into big boy Frankenstein size now.

If you ordered this hat and it wasn't the right big boy fit, well, we'll exchange it. We'll exchange your regular size hat for the new big fit in the store. Took a lot of wrangling, but Axis got the company we used to realize they had made a great hat, but not a giant head hat as promised. But now we're good.

And now it's even better. Now we have two options. We have regular fit and big fit. And both 700% imported, possumum dickfer and 300% domestic bald eagle buttle for maximum quality and durability. We also don't have a second generation heathered royal blue and mustard yellow poly cotton super soft blend hoodie made out of 400% imported lemur belly button. So soft.

So after the first generation hoodie it's a bellow blend. Soft like those first couple of time suck shirts. If it's true to size, click the store link in the episode description or on the app or on the time suck website to look at this beauty and the rest of the stuff. The manufacturer we use to make the first time suck hoodie is no longer making that cut. So we upgraded to the same district poly blend is the new spaces or the hoodie. So the cost went up a little bit. It's a new district blend. It's thicker. Not quite as soft as the blue bella hoodie, a little more athletic fit. I actually prefer this one. A little tighter fit in the blue hoodie. Might run a tiny

bit small, even though I go between large, extra large, and a large fits me just fine. And this is what we used, this same cut for the new secret suck hoodie. Yes, I wore a mind mountain climbing of Rick and Zydehill with Kyloos past weekend, where I felt like I just about died from exhaustion. I can barely walk today. But worth it, worth it to make it to the top. I'm wearing it everywhere. 347% imported King cobra face skin for maximum coolness and don't fuck with me or I'll kill you, Nus. Luciferina approved.

That's probably the one that Andrew Jackson would've wore. Also, third generation secret suck t-shirt now here. First non-black design and suck we trust. Illuminati inspired danger brain beauty. Comes in men's and women's cuts. Made out of 250% moon matrix. Fotons. So you can manipulate others' reality. And it's also an all made tee. and women's cuts made out of 250% moon matrix photons. So you can manipulate others' reality.

And it's also an all made tea. Very excited about this co-branding we're doing with all made. We are now brand ambassadors for all made tea shirts, a new company, all made tribalons, you six plastic water bottles in each shirt, recycled polyester, these US-grown organic cotton, and some sort of magic shit called tensile modal, which comes

from sustainably harvested beach trees cut down European forests, hitting lots of cotton ins here. Beach trees regenerate from the roots so you can cut them down and they can regrow themselves and not, you know, fuck up the soil around them. In addition, the shirts are sewn together in Haiti. Workers are paid three to four times local rate and amount calculated to meet the basic needs of the Haitian household also 100% of the profits from the sale of the shirts from the Haitian production center called life

go to the global orphan project which works to help reduce the amount of orphans and provide a better life for orphans So much good stuff you can go to all made.com link in the episode description for more info on this on this partnership Gotta keep marching forward with with with the feel good, do good vibes. We also have a secret suck vinyl sticker now. Also a lot of listeners been asking for beanies. We have two options, both in two colors. First option acrylic slouchy, beanie, snowboarder style fits all heads, including my monster head, uh, 215% domestic polar bear ball sack for maximum warmth and protection comes in black,

faded navy blue. And we also have more of a traditional beanie, sometimes called a fisherman beanie, sometimes called a wolf beanie, sometimes called a fack and weanie beanie by me when I make that up. 312% imported elk grondle for maximum warmth and grondleness. Uh, I can't wear it to a little bit, a little bit too small for my head, but it fits 95% of the world's head population. Black and traditional red generation, eight T shirts, now in stock, another all made shirt, light, Heather Gray, mustard design,

400% homing pigeon feathers for maximum comfort and increased ability to find your way home and wearing it. If it true to size, a women's Gen 8, that's a separate design, blend of mustard turquoise and magenta lettering. You have to see for yourself easily my favorite women's design so far. 600% imported cheetah pussy for maximum sexiness and speed to take on and off and reduce annoying changing time. Also a tote bag in the store, natural canvas tote, royal blue lettering, 1000% a guana dick for top shelf durability and ruggedness. And then coming soon, we got some copy tumblers and a Lucifer Ladies sweep where sleepwear

is set. Those things just take a little more time to get right. We're trying to put more work in product tests to make sure when stuff comes out, it's a home run. So lots of good stuff and be sure you space it or use your spaces or discount code at checkout. So when you buy that merch, you're also paying for your membership. Win, win, win. All right, quick tour dates. Then on to Andrew, I promise. I know how to mouthful to get out today.

Portland, Oregon this week, fucking get there. September 27th to the 29th, uh, to Northwest comedy Mecha known as the helium comedy club. Flatters, tour standup shows and live metamorphosis narcos satan is called podcast on September 30th. So Cal October 5th and six of the rec room and Huntington Beach, Tacoma comedy club October 11 through 13th, another live metamorphosis podcast on the 14th. All that's going to be so much fun. The rest of the years tour dates Dan Cummins dot TV Columbus Ohio Buffalo, New York Spokane, St. Louis, Grand Rapids, Michigan, coming down to 2018 tour pipe.

And now if you'll excuse me, I have to get down and dirty. And I have to fucking suck a dude named Andrew Jackson. How you feeling that Mexican mocha? I'm stepping on. I'm feeling it. I'm pushing it into the suck. All right. As you tend to do here in the suck, let's kick things off by giving a little bit of context to what we're talking about today.

And today the context is the pre-revolutionary and early colonial life of America. 1775, over 2 million people lived in the 13 American colonies and about 500,000 of them lived in Virginia, the largest and most populous colony by far. Many of these people were farmers who lived and worked in small farms of less than 200 acres, seems pretty big to me, especially for the people who led to farm them, especially back and forth tractors in AC,

bar share plows pulled by horses or oxen prepared new seeds, new seed beds by turning under weeds and surface material, exposing fresh soil to the humid east coast heat. Sickles and size used to harvest any grains of soil produced. People out there just grim reaper in their harvests probably wearing hoods and skeleton costumes. I doubt it. Cotton taken off from production after 1793 and Eli Whitney's creation of the cotton

gin was harvested by hand. My back hurts just thinking about that out there just been over in a field I don't know the hot sun fingers blistered and bleeding no no yeti water bottle. Keep a cool refreshment your side No ice can't even buy ice at the store not even good store to go to no 7 11 no slushie We got a cruel world doesn't have ready readily available cold stuff. It's gross All right, Mr. Time machine captain, can you please take me the hell out of the pre-colonial America? I don't like it.

All right, thank you. A relatively small number of Virginians were wealthy planners or merchants, and only about 2% of the population lived in Virginia's. A few small towns and cities like York, Norfolk, Richmond, Williamsburg, Fredericksburg. That's nuts man, only 2% live in actual towns and cities. Everyone else live in out in their farms,

live in plantation homes, live in away from doctors and civilization in the days no telephone and automobiles. I remember getting nervous sometimes growing up in Riggins, Idaho because it's just under an hour's drive from any sort of hospital, almost an hour to a town of just a few thousand people, like Grangital and Recall, that have tiny, tiny hospitals,

like a one-story hospital if you can even imagine that. Picture a normal hospital. Imagine walking on any floor of that hospital. Now imagine that's the only floor of the whole hospital. Now take that and cut it in half and then cut it in half again and then round up the 10 best doctors and nurses and get rid of them. And that's the hospital I was born in. One with no specialized surgeons,

one with very limited trauma care facilities. I was always painfully aware that if something bad happened to me, accident wise grownups can take a long time for the ambulance to even make it to me. And then the people working in the ambulance were just local. Oh man, I remember a few of them. I don't wanna throw their family names under the bus, but oh shit.

I was like, oh, that's who's fucking picking me up, the ambulance. Okay, I'll just be dead then. Great. People with no formal education be on high school, you know, maybe a weekend workshop or two and how to be an EMT. People just volunteered about five ambulance runs a year. And those jackalopes would have to drive me an hour

to be seen by a doctor, not experienced in trauma medicine. Don't you significant degree? Because if he or she were, they'd be working in a bigger hospital. It just seemed like death was much more likely than it would be if I lived in the city. But back then, way worse. One accident and you're just dead every time.

Almost every question of, Doctor, am I gonna be okay? Is met with the truth of, oh, oh no, no, no, no, no, probably not. You're probably gonna die. I'd save almost zero patients. The priest didn't say that, but that was the truth. I guess maybe back then, you just be probably

just as dead in town though, I guess as you would in the country, doctors maybe just didn't really matter. Your dad could probably cut off your arm and coderize the wound as well as the doctor. Anyway, got away, I've tracked. Things are very farm-oriented in 1775 in the colonies, not a big urban culture with the industrial revolution just barely getting started. Also about 200,000 of the people living in Virginia were in the college. Not a big urban culture with the industrial revolution just barely getting started.

Also about 200,000 of the people living in Virginia were enslaved African Americans, most of whom worked in, excuse me, in tobacco fields, and all of whom lived even shitier lives than the shitty lives of even the poorest white people. Top five percent or so of the white population of Virginia, Maryland in the mid-18th century were planners who possessed growing wealth

and increasing political power and social prestige. They controlled the local Anglican Church, choosing ministers and handling church property and dispersing local charity. About 60% of white Virginians were part of a broad metal class at own substantial farms. Of course, it was varied from colony to colony. For example, in North Carolina, many farmers were just at the substance level, but overall, life had come a long way since that a 1609 first permanent English settlement at Jamestown. We'll be talking about early settlements a bit next week, by the way, with the lost colony

of Roanoke suck. By the mid 18th century, a variety of artisans, shopkeepers, and merchants provided services to the growing farming population, shipbuilding, also a profitable industry, owned to the enormous old-growth forests and booming trans-Atlantic trade market, blacksmiths, wheel rides, furniture makers, set-up shops, and rural villages, repairing goods needed by farm families, stores being set up by traders selling English-made products like cloth, iron, utensils, window glass, as well as west Indian products such as sugar and molasses. The storekeepers of these shops sold their imported goods

in exchange for crops and other local products, including roof shingles and barrel staves. These local goods were shipped to towns and cities all along the Atlantic coast. Enterprise in men setting up stables and taverns along wagon roads to serve this transportation system. A variety of merchants became very wealthy by providing their increasingly complex inventory

of goods to the agricultural population. And this new merchant class of settlers ended up dominating the society of these seaport cities. The early Sam Walton's and Jeff Bezos. Unlike farm, you know, plain farmhouses, these merchants lived in elegant two and a half storyhouses designed in the new Georgian style, imitating the lifestyle of the upper class of England. Other populations in a colonial America included about 60,000 Irish and 50,000 Germans who came to live in British North America. Many of them settling in the Mid-Atlantic region.

The Germans primarily kept themselves speaking German, attending Lutheran churches, marrying their own kind, plotting horrible shit, Germans. Oh, he's gotta keep an eye on him. Lindsay's half German, her mom Joan, full German, and Joan seems nice, but you have to wonder, what is she plotting? What is she scheming?

Anyway, William Penn founded the colony of Pennsylvania in 1682 and attracted an influx of British Quakers with his policies of religious liberty and freehold ownership. So if you live in a nearest city or even moderately prosperous as a farmer, you could sustain yourself in the new colonies of America. Better yet, your kids have the chance of getting to work for a merchant, hopefully rising up to ranks, making more money, especially if they're involved in artisanal trades such

as blacksmithing, opportunities abound for most early colonies. However, if your Scotch Irish, like Andrew Jackson's family was, there are going to be less opportunities for you in the area around the Carolinas, where Jackson's family immigrated, and here's why. As a late arriving group, the Scotch Irish found that land and the coastal areas of the British colonies was either already owned or too expensive for many of those dirt bags to buy. So they quickly left for the more mountainous interior where land can be obtained cheaply. Early frontier life is extremely challenging, but poverty and hardship were familiar to them, and they managed to carve out hard lives for themselves. The term redneck actually comes from 16th century Scotland. Did not know that scots were the real

redneck until this week. Protestant rebels, Presbyterians actually signed manifestos in their own blood and then wore red cloths around their necks to signify their rebellion during the bishops war of 1640 and scowled. And then this term, this redneck term became a slur used to describe Scottish and scotch Irish commoners arriving in colonial America, where they were looked down upon by the original English settlers, the scene is rugged, crude, uncultured, and then there's the term hillbilly. Now, those two terms to me

are the big two outside of just straight up calling somebody white trash. When you call someone a redneck or like a hillbilly, you're shittin' on them. Like they're just some fuckin' dirt bag. Unless you consider yourself a redneck or hillbilly, and then you just kinda add ownership and pride to the term.

I know that can happen as well. But the term hillbilly, also Scottish just kind of add ownership and pride to the term. I know that can happen as well. But the term hillbilly, yeah, also Scottish origin, fucking Scots, man. I've apparently my name, last name, Cummins, comes from Scotland. Figures. Just look at me. Just look at me. You can see the white trash bone structure in my face. And all the ancestors I know of, which granted aren't many, have been very poor and or criminals. Apparently some Cummins' rode with the Jesse James gang from what my uncle Phil tells me. Could it be possible that my

Polish wife actually has lowered herself marrying my Scottish possibly possibly Scottish red neck hillbilly ass. Am I the real dirt bag? Son of a bitch got to get my 23 me standing figure out what exactly what kind of dirty meat sack I am. Anyway, the term hillbilly comes from the term hill folk. Scots from the Highlands of Scotland, Highlanders! That can be only one. They were called hill folk, and during another war in the 1600s, the Scots who supported King William of England were called Billy boys. After their patron, right?

William, Bill, Billy, King Billy. Hill folk who were also Billy boys were then called Hill Billy boys, which was eventually shortened to hillbillies. And the name followed them to colonial America, or is also used derogatory, you know, it carried connotations of poverty, backwardness, and violence. Well, without much cash, these early redneck hillbillies moved to free lands on the frontier, becoming the typical western squatters. Frontier guard of the colony, what a historian Frederick Jackson Turner described as the cutting edge of the frontier, becoming the typical western squatters. Frontier guard of the colony, what historian Frederick Jackson Turner described as the cutting edge of the frontier. This put

the Scottish iris settlers at the forefront of the fights with the American Indians who lived in the frontier, scotch iris settlements frequently destroyed. Their settlers killed and these clashes with, you know, the American Indians, which may partially explain Andrew Jackson's later policies towards American Indians considering he was born into this redneck hillbilly culture. So now let's take a look at his actual life and jump into today's time suck timeline. Shrap on those boots soldier, we're marching down a time suck timeline. time line. Alright March 15th, 1767.

In the Waxhaws region of the Carolinas, an area so remote at the time that the border between North and Sarath Carolina, where the Waxhaws regions lay had not been officially surveyed. Andrew Motherfuckin Jackson born to Scott Irish Redneck Hillbillies. Andrew, and Elizabeth Betty Hutchinson Jackson. He was actually shit out, hillbillies style, into a swamp. Where, look at here now, I got some pig,

Tessie is pig, I already did lick, out of a woman's beard. Where, look at here now, with the full belly, I made it, but baby, with the woman on mine, and he grew up to be the president. Woo, yeah, yeah, yeah, woo, woo. That's the old Time Sack Pony song, easily. That's the old time-stack piney song, easily adaptable to the redneck hillbilly song.

Okay, back to the other real world, most people living now. If you're wondering what Andrew's real middle name was, he didn't have one, and considering life he would lead, motherfucking seems appropriate. Shout out to President Jackson, by the way, for having one last word for me to butcher.

Andrew Jackson, I can nail those words today. Andrew Jackson. Crush them. Jackson's father was born in a Karrick Ferguson, which is President of Northern Ireland around 1738. We're not sure where his mother was from. Probably got shit out as well. Probably got shit out in some Scottish swamp.

Probably the butt baby of some other redneck Scottish hill ape. Probably born with BDIs and an upper lip full of furtune tobacco. Andrew Jackson's parents immigrated to North America through Philadelphia in 1765, where they were chased out of the city by angry torch and pitchfork wilding mob yelling stuff like back to hell. He damn freckle here, Billy demons. Banned the red necks and the BDI had sold and redheaded spawn. I'm chasing where that I know. They left with their two children, Hugh, who was two years old, Robert one years old. The family traveled through the Appalachian Mountains, found a Scotch Irish community in

the Waxhoss region. And then poor Andrew Jackson senior died almost immediately after arriving. He died in a logging accident in February 1767. Three weeks before Andrew Junior was born. Andrew senior was only 29. Elizabeth then took her children to live with a other dirty redneck Scottish subhuman relative nearby. And Andrew went to a school taught by raccoon who was deemed to be better equipped to teach than any of the recent Scottish immigrants. Now, he was educated by two local

priests through elementary school who provide the majority of his formal education. On April 19, 1775, the Revolutionary War began at Lexington and Concord, Massachusetts, and it would greatly alter the course of Andrew's life. 1779 at the Battle of Stonofera. Jeez, at the Battle of Stonofera on June 20, fought near Charleston, South Carolina, Andrew's older brother Hugh died from heat exhaustion after being captured by the British. There was only 16.

And on May 29, 1780, a loyalist force led by British officer, uh, Bannister, Tarleton, attacked during the Battle of Waxhoss. The continental army resisting Tarleton was led by Abraham Buford, who refused an initial demand to surrender. However, after being attacked by Tarleton's cavalry, many of Beaufort's men surrendered their arms. But during the truce, Tarleton was shot and shot at. And Tarleton's horse fell and crushed him beneath it. Outraged the loyalists began killing the continental soldiers, including men who had surrendered of the 400 continental 113 were killed with

swords, 150 or so badly injured, 53 taken prisoners. Tarleton's quarter became a common expression for refusing to take prisoners. This event having taken place in the Wax House is very likely that a few of Andrew's relatives and friends were killed. Between this and Hughes' death a few months earlier, Andrew is angry at the British and ready to join the Revolutionary War even though he's only 13 years old. This kind of stuff is why I hate to phrase, kids grow up so fast these days. As if kids are growing up so much faster than they ever have.

No, they're not. One generation may grow up a little, you know, faster in some ways than the generation immediately preceding it. But overall, kids growing up way slower than they used to. Kids had families with a couple of kids of their own. We're running fucking rugged homesteads by the time they were 18 back in Jackson's time. Kids were fighting awards at 13. But you think you're 13 year old, grown up too fast, you smoke some weed, get the fuck out of here. Has he stabbed a British soldier with a musket bayonet?

No. Well, he's probably got some kids to him. Probably comparatively pretty innocent to the sometimes awful ways of the adult world. Betty Jackson encouraged Andrew and Andrew's older brother, Robert, to attend local militia drills in 1780. If they were going to fight, she couldn't stop them. But learn how to fight properly. Those hillbilly boys, I heard, were to get into that war.

They might as well be trained. The boys were quickly employed as militia couriers. They both served under Colonel William Richardson Davie. It's a battle of hanging rock on August 6, 1780. This battle is a major turning point for America in this war. Since the beginning of the Revolutionary War, the British had followed a Southern strategy to regain control of Savannah and Charleston and recruit loyalists in those areas to help the British cause and then take the Northern Eastern seaboard.

In order to do this, they made outposts or forts. One of them was at hanging rock in present day landcaster county in this battle, major Camden, who's in charge of the British forces, surrendered his command to a junior officer. And the Americans quickly took the upper hand. In the end, the British lost 109 two soldiers and the Americans lost 53. The British originally had 1400. The Americans just 800. This victory is where Andrew would get his love for war. He'll later become the battle or excuse me, he'll later become the hero of the Battle of 1812. Excuse me, the hero in the Battle of 1815. God dang it. The War of 1812. What the hell is going on here?

He also gains a gains an extreme hatred for Britain. He gained these early battles. 1781, not a good year for the Jackson clan. The British capture Andrew and Robert. When Andrew refuses to clean the boots of a British officer, after being captured, the officer slashes his face with the sword leaving scars. I guess his head rather than face. But let them scars on his left hand and his head that would remain for the rest of his life. His brother Robert also refused to do the same. Those Jackson boys man toughest nails. Redneck hillbillies. And don't get taken down easily or quietly. While the two boys are

being held prisoners, they both come down with smallpox and nearly starved to death. If you're keeping up, Andrew's 14 years old now, smallpox, not as bad as cholera, not going to McGill's pop off your but who'd kill you just the same following an incubation period of a week to two and a half weeks, you come down with a sudden onset of flu-like symptoms. They can include fever, headaches, severe fatigue, severe back pain, overall discomfort, occasionally vomiting, vomiting. Then a few days after the pox part kicks in, this is when the real fun starts, little red spots first appear on your face, hand, and forearms, and then on your torso. If you're a woman, this is where you could also get some tip-packs.

You can get some pockets in your tits. If you were to do this is where you get some dick-packs. Although a lot of historical accounts don't get into that. You can also possibly get some ball-packs, maybe some badge-packs for the ladies. Within a day or two, many of these legions turn into small blisters filled with clear fluid, and that turns into pus. Scabs be in to form eight to nine days later, eventually fall off leaving deep, pitted scars. So now you gotta kind of a waffly texture to your dick.

Or your boobs. Legions also develop in the mucus membranes of your nose and mouth quickly turning to sores to break open. If you wanna lose your appetite today and also have your heart break a little bit, do a Google image search for smallpox victims. Dear God, the amount ofpox varies wildly from victims to victims and there are photos

of people who don't even look human. They're covered in so manypox. And the disease would wreak havoc on your immune system cause heart failure, a variety of other fatal conditions, the fatality rate in pre-colonial, colonial America is about 70%. Later in 1781, Betty Jackson pleads for her son's release. They're permitted to return home with her. She and the boys travel backward towards their home in Waxos, about 40 miles from where

they were held prisoner. Both Andrew and Robert amaciated sick, but since Robert was much worse off, Robert run the home only horse they had, Andrew walked behind him. Last two hours of their journey began to rain heavily, which caused their smallpox to worsen. And then within two days of arriving home, the disease would kill Robert. If you look into genealogical records, the official cause of death for Robert was listed as dickpox.

We are gathered here today to pair our last respects for Robert Jackson, who are taking far too soon from this earth. He survived battle, only to be taken by the pox. It looked as if the Lord would spare him, but then the pox spread to his dick and balls, especially his dick. He was the dick pox that would ultimately spell his undoing. In the end, his dick was more pox and dick. It was hard to tell where the pox stopped and the dick began. Now, Tonyo Bible's to Matthew chapter the six. No, that's terrible. But he had, but he had been dead a long time. And, uh, or he has been dead a long time, excuse me. And he's a small side character in today's tale. So it seems exceptional to me to make that joke. Uh, after poor Betty nurses Andrew back to health,

her other son's dead now, right? She's lost two out of three sons, her husband. It also died, you know, since coming to America. Now she volunteers to nurse American prisoners, a war who were infected with cholera aboard two British ships off the coast of Charleston back to health. And then in November, she dies after being infected and is buried in an unmarked grave cholera McGill's pop. Damn it. That's a faith worse than Tidpox. Andrew now is an orphan at the age of 14, blames the British for the loss of his brothers and his mother.

Man, I truly can't imagine what it would feel like to have that heart of a childhood. You lose your dad before you're born. You know, you're grown up and what I imagine is probably very close to family with your mother and your two brothers. And your oldest brother dies when you're only 12. And then you watch your only other brother die of smallpox when you're just 14, just you

and mom now, and then you watch her die of cholera while you're still grieving lost your brother. And now just you alone in the world, a world full of constant battle and disease fighting with various American Indian tribes when you're not fighting the British and your red neck, your hillbilly. You're not a slave, but you're on the bottom of the white man totem pole. Look down upon by all the other non redneck, non hillbilly, non Scott Irish immigrants. That's the life of a future president, life of young Andrew Jackson.

For the remainder of 1781 throughout 1782 into 1783, the revolutionary war winds down and comes to a close. Young Andrew bounces around living with various extended family members. He generally isn't on good terms with. He was a hothead, probably getting a lot of, yeah, around the actual town of Waxhot North Carolina. He goes to school off and on, helps teach school actually a little bit,

works a bit as a saddle maker amongst other odd jobs. And before we enter the next phase of his life, let's take a second, talk about our first sponsor. Today's time suck is brought to you by Audible. Audible is introducing Audible originals, a new Audible member. Audible originals are exclusive audio titles created by a celebrated storyteller from from worlds as diverse as theater, journalism, literature, and more every month. Audible members get one credit for any audiobook plus two Audible originals from a changing selection that you can't get anywhere else.

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time suck with Dan Cummins to 500 500 link also in the episode description. Make it super easy and a sponsor button that takes you straight to this deal included in the time. So cap now back to 1784 1784 17 year old Andrew leaves for Waxos or leaves Waxos for Salisbury North Carolina just over 40 miles northeast of Charlotte around 35,000 people now founded in the 1753. It was the county seat for Rowan County. It was the economic and legal epicenter of the area. Jackson studies law under attorney spruce mccayle spruce. That's a hillbilly red neck attorney name right there. You need some lawyer and you get yourself a whole old spruce. Spruce don't sprung me from he's a trouble more times than I can count. And I can count to six.

You can be curious. One, two, three, five, six. Various other local lawyers help young Andrew learn the ins and outs of the law and 20 year old Andrew eventually qualifies for the bar examination in September of 1787 Education so different back then no college degree needed for lawyer and apprentice type system or just fine I do like how for certain trades it was more straightforward back then no jump through financial hoops You know no jump with a bunch of financial aid bullshit, spending X amount of years studying something, you know, paying to the nose just to study that thing for that amount of time.

Just can you pass the test to do this job? Yes. Well, then you get the job. I'll let all let spruce know there's a new log in town. You can do the job. You get the job. Sadly, the insane cost of higher education, I feel like destroys that opportunity for a lot of people now.

After passing the bar, a friend helps get Andrew appointed to a prosecutor position in the Western District of North Carolina, an area that would later become part of the state of Tennessee. Shortly after arriving in the little appellation town of Jonesboro in 1788, Andrew fights in this first duel with a fellow lawyer named Wachsteel Avery. Wachsteel, not a hillbilly name. That's an old money name, if there ever was one. Jackson had actually been arguing against Avery in civil court during the trial Avery,

a more experienced lawyer, and also a revolutionary war veteran who outmatched Jackson considerably. In the courtroom, took one of Jackson's arguments, turned it around on him so forcefully the Jackson felt he had been intellectually insulted seeking revenge against Avery who would often Proclaim I refer to bacon Meaning Francis Bacon's noted text the elements of the common laws of England when making a point Jackson replaced a copy of the text with an actual slab of bacon and one of every saddlebags Guessing he smiled himself silly after doing that. Uh, when every criticize Jackson for pulling such a child as prank the next day in court, young Jackson leapt

to his feet and yelled, I may not know as much laws. There isn't bacon to bridgements, but I know enough not to take a legal fees. Then every shot back, it's false as hell, which I guess is fancy rich man, uh, rich man's, uh, speak for that's bullshit. Uh, Jackson issued a challenge to a duel by immediately writing in writing it in a page of an old law book, tearing out the page, handing it to Avery. The senior lawyer first didn't take the challenge seriously.

Then the next day though, court challenged Jackson, challenged him again in a time and place were set for the two to duel later that evening. And shit is on, duels man, legal back then. You could legally challenge someone to shoot out. Let's have a quick lesson on how these duels work. Reasons for dueling during this time

were largely based on honor. People challenged each other to duels when they felt their honor was at stake or the reputation was threatened. So really, you could basically do anybody for any reason. You could just make up some excuse, you know, to shoot some dude who you just didn't care for.

Our challenge buck, Reginald Owens to a duel. He clearly took a disrespectful amount of time, ordering his meal last Tuesday eve at the tavern to intentionally ruin my wife and I supper. Elizabeth was furious. He is a scoundrel and a scallywank and a buffoon and a raffian and a twink dinka, the turkey nibla, the poppy slapper, and a bottle bumper. He will pay for his insult with his life tomorrow at high noon. People just didn't take like 10 paces, turn around and shoot as quickly as possible most of these duels.

Most of the time they would stand facing each other and an agreed upon distance, which traditionally was at least 10 yards away, and they would fire their gun in the air or purposely miss their opponent most of the time, making the duel more or less just about a test of courage. Although sometimes it was a great pun that they would, in fact, be shooting directly at one another, attempting to kill each other. Also, the pistols being used by Jackson others

at this time only fired one shot. This wasn't Wild West six-feeder rapped firing duels. This was Flintlock one and done pistols. If both parties missed and the challenger was satisfied, the duel was declared over. However, if the challenger was unsatisfied, the duel continued up until three shots apiece. But generally, no more than three exchanges of fire were allowed

as to exchange more shots than that was considered barbaric. We all shoot at each other buck, regional, but not all day. We are not savages. People involved in duels also chose seconds. The seconds for people who had accompanied them to the dual to bear witness to what happened to make sure it was all done legitimately. Unclear exactly how many duels Andrew Jackson took part in, but the number of duels attributed to him estimated to be anywhere between 10 and 100. Also unknown is how many Jackson

duels ended with both parties showing up to the agreed location and decided not to fire their weapons at each other compared to duels to the death. So back to this 21 year old Andrews first duel with weight still Avery and 17 88 during the trial, right? This whole insult happens You know they they get out there and by the time the two you know met in the place where they were to duel, Jackson had cooled down a little bit. The second's both men, then assure each of them that their honor would remain intact if they chose not to shoot one another. And that's exactly what happened.

Each man fired a single shot into the air. Jackson and Avery consider themselves satisfied without bloodshed, and according to Avery's son, they remained unfriendly terms afterwards. So basically, when you agree to the duel, you don't know what kind is going to be. Might be to the death. And I guess that's where the courage part comes in. That's why it's still courageous, even though they just shot their pistols up in the air. Right?

Now, it's courageous just to just to show up for the dual. And then after you've showed up, you know, with the seconds, talk it over and get both men to agree that they're still honorable. If they don't shoot at each other, you get to fire your pistols in the air and then you get to shake and be friends. How much would it suck, you know, if you're like, yes, I find that agreeable. We both proven that we're men of honor by showing up here today. And now we can both return home to our families with our conscience clean. And the other guy's like, it's false as hell. You will die today, Cummins.

We fight to the death. Ah, shit. Andrew moves to the tiny frontier town of Nashville in late 1788. I heard of it, I've been there. Not really a tiny frontier town anymore now. Has a metro population around two million. Young Jackson lived in Nashville as a border

in the home of Rachel, Stockley, Donaldson, and quickly became acquainted with his landlady's daughter, Rachel, Donaldson, Robarts. When they met, young Rachel, just three months younger than Andrew, was in an unhappy marriage with Captain Lewis Robarts. When they met young Rachel just three months younger than Andrew was in an unhappy marriage with Captain Lewis Robarts A man prone to fits of jealous rage Fits of jealous rage never a fun look. So what do you love most about your husband? Um, I'd have to say his fits of jealous rage

I Love it when he calls me a whore because some man I've never seen before says hi to me at the bank. Or when he punches a hole in the wall and won't talk to me for three days because we ran into some guy dated once in high school when we were having our own date night at the movies. So fun, so hot that jealous rage. Rachel was described as a very beautiful young woman described by a contemporaries having

lustrous black eyes, dark glossy hair, full red lips, brunette complexion, and a sweet oval face, rippling with smiles and dimples. Toe to d'Orb! Toe to d'Orb! Rachel and her husband, Captain Lewis Robard, separated in 1790. She and Andrew married soon afterwards, even though the divorce, from her first marriage, had not been made legally final. Scandal! Scandal would lead Andrew into more dueling down the road to defend his bride's honor. At 1791, Andrew becomes attorney general for the territory of Tennessee with the help of William Blount, who's an extremely powerful man in the territory who would take in young Jackson under his wing.

Andrew isn't sitting around feeling sorry for himself for having his entire family die by the age of 14. He's out there kicking ass making shit happen It's pretty inspiring Rachel's divorce from her first husband has made final in 1794 after which Andrew and Rachel marry again this time legally Before the petition for divorce from robots was ever you know made Rachel was living with Andrew and Referred to herself as misadjection, which was generally considered okay on the frontier with Andrew and referred to herself as Mrs. Jackson, which was generally considered okay on the frontier, where relationships were dissolved and formed unofficially as long as the community recognized them.

He'll really witness. Don't need no paper, know how? This year, union is right in the eyes of Redneck Law. In the eyes of the two close together, the beady two close together eyes of Redneck metrimony, you man of life. Oh, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo. Bring ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. You never say from Air Banjo's now time suckers, not ever.

Cause I'm just gonna keep taking those Air Banjo's to the time sucks streets. Take it into the street, take it into the street, take it into the street, take it into the street, take it into the street, take it into the street, take it into the street take it to the street take it to the street take it to the street take it to the street take it to You just got triple-end holy shit You just got piny song to air banjo and triple-end the unholy trifecta of the suck. Hello, Sfina About her my throat in the last one 1794 new husband Andrew Jackson partners with a fellow lawyer named John Overton. And the two deal with claims for land reserved by treaty for the Cherokee and Chickasaw peoples.

There were so many claims because of an act that had been made in 81783, which briefly allowed states residents to claim Indian lands west of the Appalachians within North Carolina that it was hard to determine what belonged to who in the eyes of Johnny Law. Basically, the laws were constantly changing and or being ignored. No one knows what's going on on everyone in Wandsland. Excuse me. 1796 Andrew wins an election to be a delegate to the Tennessee Constitutional Convention. All states that wanted to be admitted to the union had to have a constitution, thus the need for a constitutional convention. And then on June 1st, 1796, Tennessee

becomes 16 state, admitted to the US of A. This is good for Andrew's political career because now Andrew is elected as the only representative for Tennessee in the House of Representatives. He becomes a member of the Democratic Republican Party, which was the dominant party in Tennessee at the time. And the Democratic Republican Party was formed by Thomas Jefferson and James Madison, future presidents, number three and four. And their party opposed the centralizing policies of the Federalist Party, which was founded and run by founding father Alexander Hamilton, a man who also founded the Coast Guard and the New York Post. So even though he was never president, he did all right. He got by. Actually, Hamilton may have become president if he hadn't been shot and killed in a duel in 1804

duels man so many duels like an Aaron Bergheim Now basically the Democratic Republican Party was against the centralized bank Because it was claimed their centralized bank under a head of state was essentially a return to a monarchy Uh in 1794 1795 the party also favored trading with France Which they saw as more democratic after the French Revolution instead of the British. The Federalist by contrast wanted to trade with Britain because it was more stable in France, and they already had well-established trade with Britain.

Jackson quickly became part of the more radical pro-French side of the party. He strongly opposed the J Treaty, which effective in 1796 aimed to relieve post-war attention by providing for 10 years of peaceful trade between the US and Britain. He was a strong critic of First President George Washington. He claimed that Washington was removing fellow Republicans from office. Washington claimed to not have or favor a party, even though his secretary of treasury was Alexander Hamilton, who was the head of the Federalist Party.

Jackson was young, idealistic, and believed that the government was a place where a bunch of people were getting together despite differences of opinion to find the best solution for the country and not just simply advance their own agendas. 1797, Jackson is elected as US Senator from Tennessee, but the job ultimately proves unsatisfying to him and he rarely takes part in debates.

He was disgusted with the administration of President John Adams, federalist, and he ultimately resigned the following year without explanation. Return to Nashville and with strong support from Western Tennessee, he's elected to serve as a judge on the Tennessee Supreme Court with an annual salary of $600, which sounds terrible. But when you factor in inflation, that's 12k a year, which is also terrible. Damn it. I'm guessing the spending power of $600 and 1797, maybe more than 12,000 now. Jackson also won the appointment of Judge Advocate of the Tennessee militia.

You know, it's not like he can just kick back and live on that Tennessee Supreme Court money. And then in 1802, he runs for General Commander of the Tennessee militia, a position voted on by the officers, originally a tie between him and someone named John Sevier popular popular revolutionary war veteran and former governor who is the leader of politics in eastern Tennessee, but ultimately the governor archibald Rowan broke the tie and appointed Jackson is climbing the ranks probably sneak into some duels lost to history as well. And then his various judge positions and earned a reputation for good decisions for being honest, but then, lost to history as well. And then in his various judge positions, Andrew earned a reputation for good decisions for being honest.

But then he resigned to position 1804. And he said, man, he doesn't like a job, he's just fucking out. His official reason was ill health, but it's possible he left because he just weren't paying him enough. And he wanted to concentrate full time on his business ventures,

which we're not doing well at the time. All this judging and maliciously in business have been going on. Jackson was also a planter, owner and merchant in 1803. Jackson builds the first general store and get a gallops in Tennessee. And the next year he requires the hermitage, a 640 acre plantation in Davidson County. Later he adds 360 acres to the plantation, the primary crop of which was cotton. It begins with nine slaves by the end of his life.

You'd have 150. So you know, damn it begins with nine slaves by the end of his life, you'd have 150. So you know, dammit, here we are. The issue of slavery, let's address this quickly, kind of quickly. Andrew Jackson, being a slave owner, is one of the reasons why many people, including President Obama, pushed for his removal from the $20 bill. I would push for his removal because the due to hated paper money. He caused the whole financial crisis later by removing paper money from certain financial transactions. We'll talk about. Yes, he was a slave owner, but did you know that one of the very first slave owners in America was the mid-17th century

Virginia colonists named Anthony Johnson. Successful tobacco farmer in Maryland, attained great wealth, early landowner when he moved in Virginia, moved to Virginia, excuse me, Well, early landowner, when he moved in Virginia, moved, removed to Virginia, excuse me, where he had indentured servants, one of whom an African man named John Caster ended up being ruled an indentured servant for life. That is a slave. And that was the first case in Virginia of an African essentially becoming a slave. And John's owner, Anthony, not white, he was African from Angola. How was that not more common knowledge?

Now does that justify Africans being exploited in mass later exclusive by an exclusive white, you know, plantation on in population? Fuck no, no, it doesn't. But it does illustrate that slavery was not some evil white man's disease. And also that it was, you know, just for lack of a better phrase, the way things were in certain parts

of the world at that time, like the American South. And to demonize it now, to me, just feels very morally convenient. The more history I dive into, the more I hate someone being judged by a moral code that did not exist in the era they lived in, right? Just pulling them completely out of the context that surrounded them. There's a current temptation by historians slash kind of social justice movements to label everyone who owned slaves as bad people. And I get that it's tempting to want to do that and to prove to everybody that you know the slavery is bad, but it's more complicated than that. And in the world, in some ways, isn't that different now?

There are still sweatshops in Indonesia and elsewhere around the world where workers are paid less money than they need to live on. Many of the rich have always made money by exploding the helpless and the financially trapped. Not saying it's right, not just to find slavery in any way. Just pointing out that to look back and say, how could those monsters treat human beings that way? Feels a little silly when people are still being treated pretty similarly today in a lot of parts of the world. Hopefully we meet sacks can someday figured all out and spare most of humanity regardless of their ethnicity, uh, suffering through whatever time, you know, they have here on earth. I hope so. Back to Andrew. Men, women, child slaves,

owned by Jackson on three sections of the Hermitage Plantations. Slave lived in extended family units of between five and 10 persons who were quartered in 20 square foot cabins that were made from bricks or logs, which was unusual for the time. Most plantation slave lives in a little more than wood shacks to help slaves acquire food. Jackson supplied them with guns, knives, and fishing equipment. At times, he paid his slaves of money and coins to trade and local markets. However, now that I've pushed the narrative that Jackson was, you know, I'm just a man of his times.

Let me flip it a bit. We also probably shouldn't take it too easy on Jackson. He he definitely was no champion of slaves rights. And to some people, uh, you know, to be fair, some people were against it during his lifetime. And he did permit slaves to be whipped if he felt they weren't working hard enough or if they attempted to run away. Uh, stop the runaway. Andrew Jackson urged in an ad placed in the Tennessee Gazette in October, eight to know for the future president gave a detailed description saying, a Milado man's slave about 30 years old six feet in an inch high, stout made and active, talk sensible stoops in his walk,

and has a remarkable large foot brought across the root of the toes will pass for a free man. And then he promised anyone who captured this Milado man's slave a reward of $50 plus reasonable expenses paid, plus $10 extra for every hundred lashes, any person will give him to the amount of 300. And the Edward side interjects it. Yeah, yeah, that's not good. That's hard to read good in any era.

Hard to contextly justify that, but it also doesn't feel like a character from what we learned about the guy. I mean, this is a man known for duels. It's a hard ass This is a dude who joined the Revolutionary War at 13 lost his whole family Clearly didn't take well to feeling slighted, you know, he'd draw down just about anybody Did didn't take well to feeling deprived of something he felt was his this is the kind of guy you'd bump into a bar Who would want to try to fight you on the spot because you would disrespect it?

Interesting guy to do a suck on, but probably not a cool dude to hang out with, have some beers, you know, maybe had a serious and ferreordic complex. Okay, so sorry if I went a little long on the tangent, but I just do get sick of historical figures being tossed in the fuck that guy pile for doing things that were actually very culturally normal for the times they lived in. Now back to a duel, something we can all get behind, right? Actually, pretty psychotic, but it did happen. In 1806, Jackson gets into what is probably the most notorious duel of his life.

This shit is insane. In May of 1806, Charles Dickinson, an attorney who studied under US Chief Justice John Marshall, who liked Jackson, bred and raised horses at the time, publishes an attack on Andrew in the local newspapers saying that jackson refused to pay a bet that he had made a horse bet uh... worth two thousand dollars andrew wrote him a challenge to a duel which was incredibly ballsy considering dickinson's reputation

dickinson was considered to be a really really good shot with a pistol like the best shot this is a step carry of duels he This dude was the Steph Curry of duels. He allegedly already killed 26 men and duels. 26. He's the green river killer of duels. He's the Miyamoto Musashi of pistol duels. Can you imagine challenging some dude to a duel who has already killed 26 other men all brave enough to fight in duels? 26-0 in duels to the fucking death. When you challenge this savage hotheaded motherfucker, you know you're not going to be shooting pistols in the air. This is win or die. Who in the right mind challenges this dude? No one. But Andrew Jackson not really this right mind by most people's mind standards. He was like a samurai. We studied not long ago,

right? Just death before dishonor and check this out This is the craziest part of this to me Jackson knowing that he was about to do an excellent marksman Prepared for the event by wearing an overly large coat to disguise his body's form and Disguise where his heart was located He also planned on letting Dickinson shoot him first so that he could take his time with aiming and fire a well-placed shot. Do you hear what I'm saying? His plan going into the duel was to get shot first. Getting shot is part of this insane son of a bitch's plan, holy balls.

After dueling ground Jackson 6th's plan, after the order to fire has been given, these two men facing away from each other spin around. Dickinson turns first and shoots Jackson in the chest, missing his heart by only an inch. According to witnesses, everyone thought Dickinson and Miss because Andrew Jackson just stood there like nothing happened. After getting shot in the chest, Jackson takes his time before he fires, studies himself,

then delivers a bullet into Dickinson's stomach. Dickinson and collapses, taking home where he dies several hours later from his wound. As for Jackson, the bullet that hit him was too close to his heart to a perform surgery on, he ended up carrying that bullet inside of him for the rest of his life. A bullet that would frequently cause him health problems, cause him to cough up blood, a little reminder to the duel he fought with Dickinson. Now tough son of a bitch would live until the age of 78. He carried that bullet in the cage. He coughed out blood for 39 years. Unreal.

Just shrugged off a bullet to the chest. The doctor who attended the Jackson after getting shot that day said, I don't see how you stayed on your feet after that wound. To which Jackson responded, I would have stood up long enough to kill him if he had put a bullet in my brain. That is one tough hillbilly. Pretty sure that did cry poison. That's some redneck tough guy shit. Felt like a a bullet in my brain. That is one tough hillbilly. Pretty sure that did cried poison. That's some red neck tough guy shit. If I could cut a shot in my head,

I still would have killed him, would have killed him did. Anderson's public image however, does take a hit with this tool. He starts to become viewed as a violent hothead, mostly because he was the violent hothead and he becomes a bit of a social outcast. He's changed his image if he wants a future in politics and he chooses to support former vice president, Aaron Burr,

who was extremely popular with his fellow Tennessee residents. Burr, ironically, the man who killed Alexander Hamilton in a dual two years prior to 1804. So I don't know how that works. Somehow to prove he's less of a dualing savage, he spends time with another dualing savage. Burr stays at Jackson's hermitage for five days, Burr's intentions for this visit, still not really known,

but he seemed to have been planning a military operation to conquer Spanish Florida and Texas to Jackson and all the frontier people. The prospect was exciting. They had long held bitter feelings towards the Spanish because of territorial disputes. Well, Jackson does his share of the planning by telling the Tennessee Malaysia to be ready to march at a moment's notice. On October 4th, 1806, Jackson writes letter to his friend James Winchester saying that he is confident that the United States can conquer all of Spanish North America.

But there is a slight problem with Aaron's plan. On November 10th, 1806, Jackson learns from a captain and Aaron Burr planned on taking New Orleans and Louisiana territory of the United States and then incorporated it into a new empire where Burwood rule is emperor. Oh, that's why you wanted my help. Jackson writes letters to President Thomas Jefferson warning him about this scheme. In December, President Jefferson issues a proclamation declaring that a treasonous plot is under way in the American West and Jefferson orders the arrest of the perpetrators

Jackson travels to Richmond, Virginia to testify on Aaron Burr during Burr's treason trial But the defense team ultimately decides that putting Andrew on the stand is not a good idea For fear that he would become too provocative because he is a hothead Burr would end up being acquitted Due to legal technicalities even though he was for sure guilty. What an interesting life this guy's already led. Right? Fighting at 13, a veteran to Revolutionary War gets some duels to the death. He's a lawyer by the time he's 20. He's a Congressman before 30. Mary's the woman is already married. He comes involved in some strange plot to unknowingly help Aaron Burr form a new empire that's

gonna compete against the United States and all this this before 40, and we haven't even got to the things he's most known for, becoming a war here on 1812, and then becoming the seventh president of the United States. So let's jump to 1812 now. 1812, things are not going well between the United States and Britain. Why? Well, the tensions that caused the war of 1812

arose from the French Revolutionary and the Polionic Wars that took place between 1792 and then last until 1815. During this nearly constant conflict between France and Britain, American interests are injured by each of the two countries and devers to block the US from trading with the other country. After Jefferson becomes president 1801, relations with Britain slowly deteriorate. The Royal Navy's use of an impressment to keep it shipped, it's shipped, excuse me, fully crude, also provoked Americans. Impressment is a fancy word for essentially enslavement. They

would take men from the working classes of England and force them to crew ships against their wills. And then they started taking American men and force them to do the same. The British would cost American merchant ships to seize alleged Royal Navy deserters and then just carry off just over the course of time,

thousands of US citizens into the British Navy. You get kidnapped, forced to work, and if you didn't feel like working, you could be beat to death and tossed overboard. And President James Madison, he doesn't care for this. So on June 18th, 1812, US Congress declares war against Great Britain, Jackson responds enthusiastically, sending the letter to DC, offering 2500 volunteers.

Then the Madison administration calls on Jackson, you know, to come into military service at the end of 1812. And on January 10, 1813, he leads an army of 2071 volunteers to New Orleans to defend the region against British and and american indian attacks and jackson supposed to serve initially under general wilkinson and once jackson gets new orlands he's ordered by secretary of war john armstrong junior to turn over his supplies to wilkinson and dismiss his men in that just

but jackson doesn't like wilkinson he's not a fan and he doesn't feel like there's proper provisions for his men to be stationed in Natchez. So So he just takes them back. He decides, no, we're not gonna do this. I don't care what your plan is I said dumb plan and we're out He's not gonna dismiss his men there, and so he just marches them back to Nashville Which was an agonizing march I guess for everyone involved many were sick Jackson was paying for them for their expense That of his own pocket this march is where he got the nickname old Hickory because he was so tough on the march,

like the toughness of Hickory would. Of course he was. Not sure how he doesn't get charged for treason with this. I mean, I get why he didn't leave him there if he felt like they didn't have the proper provisions, but the Secretary of War had ordered him to leave him there. And he's like, nah, not gonna happen. Good luck. Good luck with Wilkinson. I don't care for him. I'm Andrew Motherfuck in Jackson and I don't hand over my

men to just any old Jackass. The army arrives back in Nashville, but I'm on plate and done Jackson. You know, he's facing financial ruin until a former aide to camp a military officer acting as a confidential assistant to a senior officer. Men named Thomas Benton persuade Secretary Armstrong to order the army to pay for his expenses and Jackson will be more than willing, you know, this payment gets made to lead as men again When the proper provisions are now supplied so that all does happen then on June 14th Jackson serves as a second in a duel On behalf of his junior officer William Carroll against Jesse Burton the brother of Thomas These are looking a little complicated. These guys would survive the duel, so the guy helps him out.

Now he's, you know, bearing witness to some other guy trying to shoot that guy's brother. And then in September of 1813, Jackson and his top cavalry officer, a Brigidier General John Coffey, gets into a street brawl with the Benton brothers. Jackson is 46 years old. He's getting into street brawl. He also gets shot in this brawl. He gets severely wounded by Jesse Benton, who shoots getting in the street brawl. I also get shot in this brawl, get severely wounded by Jesse Benton who shoots him in the shoulder.

What the fuck? Students five years older than me, getting in street brawl and duels, both sad and inspiring. I just can't imagine coming home with a bullet wound from a street brawl to Kylerman row. Dad, what happened to you? Nothing worried about kids, I just,

look, someone said I was a scoundrel. And I did what I needed to do, you know, do and things evolved as things do into a street brawl. Uh, you know, fish are flying and that leads to gunfire. And then I got shot. You know, I'm fine. I haven't shot before. I'll probably get shot again. It's part of life. This whole metal, this whole, this whole matter is going to be settled tomorrow with the dualist sunset. Well, Jackson, being Jackson, not about to let a bullet slow him down. He's back to fight in the following months.

Back in August on August 30th, 1813, he's back. He's in the war now. Group of a Creek Indians called the Red Sticks. So named for the color of their war paint. Excuse me, he's not in the war this far. We're backtracking a little bit. Back in August, August 30th, 1813, a group of Creek Indians called the Red Sticks.

So named for the color of their war paint perpetrated the Fort Mims massacre during the massacre, hundreds of white American sellers and non-red stick creeks were slaughtered. The red sticks were led by chiefs, red eagle and Peter McQueen. And no, I did not make make up that second name. One of these chiefs names was really Peter McQueen and I do find that super funny. You know, just gathered here today are the most powerful chiefs from the Seven Nations. We have chief strong bison, chief Red Eagle, chief wild stallion, chief scorpion killer, chief runs with Wolverine, chief angry bear, and last but not least, chief, uh, Peter McQueen, chief, chief Peter, chief, chief Pete, uh, chief Pete was a son of a high status Creek woman

in a Scott Irish fur trade. Another hillbilly will ready to go and Pete and their warriors had splintered away from the rest of the Creek con Confederacy, uh, which wanted peace with the United States. They were allied with to come up. Shawnee chief would launch to come to the war against the United States. They were allied with to Cubsa, Shawnee chief who had launched to Cubsa's war against the United States and who's now fight alongside the British. And the resulting conflict become known as the Creek War. Jackson with 2,500 men ordered to crush the hostile Indians. He left Nashville to fight them on October 10th.

Now we're back up in the timeline. His arm in a sling from getting shot in the shoulder during that duel. Come into the relief of friendly creeks besieged by Redsticks Jackson wanted decisive victory at the Battle of Talladega on November 9th. This is the battle that would inspire the screenplay for Talladega night starring Will Ferrell. I hope that both of you have sons. Handsome beautiful are taking the sons who are talented in star athletes and they have

their legs taken away. I mean, I pray you know the pain in that hurt. Don't you put that evil on me Rick Bobby? No The winner of 1813 1814 was a tough one and Jackson's army was beset by food shortages and chronic desertions Jackson's science had joined up with the Georgia militia But from January 22 to 24th while Jackson's army is on its way to meet up with the Georgia militia The army and their allies are attacked by the red sticks in the battles of Imanfah and Inachipu Creek.

Inachipu Creek. Jackson was outnumbered and forced to withdraw to Fort Strother. At Fort Strother, Jackson picks up more troops to make up for desertors. His forces now total over 2000 and he marches his army south to confront the Red Sticks. Who the outnumbered to the one on March 27th, the Battle of Horses You Bend Jackson's forces overwhelmed the Red Sticks and the campaign ends three weeks later with Red Eagle surrender chief Pete and some of his men retreated to Florida if you're thinking Well, about Pete. What about chief PD? Then on June 8th Jackson accepts commission as a Brigadier general in the US army and then only 10 days later

He's promoted to major general and put in charge of the seventh military division when they recognize that he is Andrew mother fucking Jackson. This promotion allows Jackson with medicines approval to create the Treaty of Fort Jackson, which requires a creek, aka the Muscogee people. Remember many of which are Jackson's allies to surrender 23 million acres of their land to the US sellers. November of 1814 Jackson is in ill health from having dysentery. Dysentery, excuse me, but decides to go after the Spanish and British who were in Florida,

which he didn't, which he did in the short scrimmers called the battle of Pensacola, which he won. Not gonna let a little bit of a bullet wound keep him from horsebacking around the country, lead men in the battle. Not gonna let a bit of dysentery stop him neither. So you don't have, you don't think you, you, you should wait, uh, maybe sit this one out. I mean, you have dysentery. You have the, you have to get out of my side. You worth this coward.

You think some severe diarrhea and potentially fatal dehydration from extreme dehydration, extreme diarrhea. Excuse me. Do many words are going to keep you from battling? Boy, you just don't know what tough it looks like. Now punch me in the mouth. When I smile to the blood, when I grin through the split skin, when my head doesn't flinch, my eyes don't blink. My hands do nothing to stop yo blow.

Then you will know who you are talking to. I get the fuck out of my tent. I have a battle plan. And full disclosure, I also have some bloody soup like excrement to vitally discharge from my colon. A few weeks later, Jackson learns that the British are planning an attack on New Orleans, which is on the mouth of the Mississippi and had many strategic and commercial advantages. Jackson leaves Pensacola, stationed as part of his army in Mobile, Alabama to guard against

Spanish and British troops and rush to the Northern New Orleans where he feasts on crawfish et tufe in binyeesz and he balloons the 365 pounds. He then uses his new size to his advantage challenging upon his arresting duels instead of pistol duels. He smothers five men to death over the next two months. No, of course not. Jackson arrives in New Orleans on December 1st, 1814 quickly declares martial law because he fears the Spanish and Creole inhabited to New Orleans would not be loyal to him. He also makes an alliance with the group of smugglers and creates a

large militia. They consist of African-Americans, misogies, uh, and smugglers. Jackson's force, which also had volunteers from other states and troops from the US Army approaches the British force of over 10,000 professional soldiers. Jackson only has 5,000 party trained men, but he is Andrew motherfucking Jackson and possibly at least half highlander. That can be only one. And he's damn near impossible to kill or defeat. Jackson drives the British back with a smaller force than the evening of December 23rd on January 8th, 1815. The British launch a frontal assault against Jackson and it is a colossal failure. He kicks the shit out of them. The British had 2037 casualties. Well, Jackson's army, 71.

Yep, after the battle, the British retreat, hostilities end. Oh, and then they get word back to the treaty of Gent and ended the war of 1812 back in December. Whoops, communication, not quite what it is now back then. How much was that set to die in battle? Days after war had ended because it took over a week for your commander what it is now back then. How much of that sector dying battle days after war had ended? Because it took over a week for your commander to learn the war was over.

Jackson's victory makes him a national hero. And he has awarded congressional gold medal on February 27th, 1815. And then it remains command of army force on the southern border of US of the US following the war. And although he conducts most of his business from his home back in Tennessee, the hermitage. He also signed trees with Cherokee and Chickasaw, gaining parts of Tennessee and Kentucky for the U.S. Then in 1816, General Old Hickory Jackson gets right back to fighting, troubles have ruined down South. Confederation of American Indian tribes known as Seminole began rating settlements in Georgia before retreating back to Florida. This was especially a big problem for white sellers because the Seminole recruited the scaped slaves into their forces and had a massed formidable war parties.

These conflicts would escalate into what would become known as the first Seminole war. So Jackson leads some troops down into Florida and has them destroy what was known as the Negro Fort and Spanish Florida, where a community of escaped slaves and Seminoles lived in an abandoned British fort built the year before in Spanish territory. Well the following year, December of 1817, Jackson is ordered by President Monroe to lead a campaign against Seminole and Creek Indians in Georgia, pushing back further. Monroe also tells him to stop Spanish Florida from becoming a safe haven for escaped slaves. Well Jackson reads his orders and just decides that really the

best way to accomplish this is just to take Florida altogether. Just take it from the Spaniards. Just classic Jackson just up in the ante. And classic Jackson, he doesn't run this idea by the president. He just does it. And before we get into his ass kicking Florida exploits, let's check in with today's final sponsor. Today's time suck is brought to you by the great coursesourses Plus. A cool company that also believes that learning shouldn't stop after school. Members of the cult of the curious inside their ranks. You love digging deep into the topics that you find interesting,

which is why you will love the Great Courses Plus. I highly recommend checking out the Great Courses Plus lecture on Andrew Jackson and the War of 1812. From their fascinating series, American military history presented by General Wesley Kay Clark. It explores Jackson's military experience as a major general in the War of 1812 and his victory against the British at the Battle of New Orleans, a win that would help make him present. Obviously, we touched on the War of 1812, but with this suck spread out over Andrew's entire life, we couldn't dive, you know, that deep into it. This lecture does.

This lecture reminded me that a battle from the war of 1812 inspired Francis Scott Key to write the star's bangle banner that the British burned the still under construction white house during this war. There were battles going on all over the place this war with so many points of contact around the US and British controlled Canadian borders. You know, it was a huge war and Andrew Jackson had a pivotal role in helping to end it. With the great courses plus, you will get unlimited access to stream or, you know, just not just this lecture, but their entire library.

Watch or listen anytime, anywhere with the great courses plus app. You had to love the great courses plus and today they're giving time suckers a free trial with unlimited access. Start enjoying their entire library of fascinating lectures for free only at the great courses plus dot com slash time suck. That's the great courses plus dot com slash time suck linked to this deal in today's episode description and great courses plus button link to this deal in today's episode description and great courses plus button link to the deal in the sponsor section of the time suck app and a time suck podcast

dot com. Now let's jump for 18 12 backup to 18 18 Jackson Vates Florida on March 15th, 18 18 captures, Pensacola defeated not only seminal forces in the area, but the Spanish forces as well. Also, Captures Two British Spies, who have been working with the Seminal and executes them after a mock trial, causing a small diplomatic problem with Britain. At this point, the Monroe administration doesn't know what to do with this crazy asshole. He's gone rogue. He is essentially single-handedly declared war on Spain. I mean, just think about how nuts that's spain is still a massive world power we just got to fight one of the other world powers britain arguably the most

powerful nation in the world at that time and now jackson also goes and kills you know a couple of their soldiers cover spice just anyone you know has a problem with it he'll be happy to do well a lot of people watching you know fairly pissed off at Jackson, but, you know, people like the president, you know, pissed off, but Jackson is defended by Secretary of State, John Quincy Adams, who tells the cabinet, this probably means Spain will want to just sell Florida just to get rid of, you know, for being too much trouble. And Adams

is actually right. Spain does sell, sell Florida to the US. They're like, all right, we're not, we don't want to war. Just tag it. We're done. We got other stuff in South America. We're working on. And so Spain sells Florida to the US and the Adams owned his treaty of 1819. So Jackson kind of won us Florida. So you're welcome, Florida listeners. 1821, Jackson briefly the territorial governor of Florida, but then decides he's not interested in living in Florida before pools, golf golf courses and resorts have been built. So it was back to Tennessee where the humidity is slightly less oppressive and there are far less out of gears. The following year 1822, fellow Tennessee judge and plantation owner John Overtin approaches

Jackson asked him if you might want to run for president. And then on July 22nd, 1822, the Tennessee legislature nominates Jackson to be candidate in the election of 1824. Jackson quickly gains popular support for his presidential bid based largely on speaking out against the second national bank for which he blamed an economic depression. All right, you know, he he blamed this bank for an economic depression that occurred in 1819. The other major candidates for the election are William H Crawford, current secretary

of the treasury, big fan of the bank, John Quincy Adams, son of John Adams, second president, Henry Clay, Speaker of the House, representatives representing Kentucky, and secretary of war, John C. Calhoun. And all of these men have sons in common. They all really, really dislike the redneck killbilly war hero known as Andrew Jackson. Jackson runs on a platform of defending the common people and combating corruption. And 1823 Jackson is elected as a Tennessee senator in a move orchestrated by his advisors in order to prevent the incumbent senator, John Williams, a man who opposed Jackson as president from being reelected. Elections a little bit different back then, not weird to run for president. And then during that, you know, campaign also run for the Senate.

Historically prior to this election, congressional nominating caucus chose the Democratic Republican nominee for president, but many politicians backed out of that in 1824 because they viewed it as undemocratic. A Pennsylvania convention nominated Jackson for president, saying that the irregular congressional caucus ignored the voice of the people. But this voice of the people started to scare the other four candidates. Why? Because thus far, all the politicians had basically been members of a mentally powerful

wealthy families. And now you have this ill-bred redneck hillbilly thinking that he can be president. Some doolens savage, just disgusting riffraff. So to keep Jackson out of office, his other four opponents gang up on him and cut a deal. When the votes are tallied from a cross-n nation, Andrew Jackson wins a plurality of the popular as well as the electoral vote. He got more of the popular vote and more of the electoral vote than any other candidates. And the electoral college tabulations, John Quincy Adams came in second, Crawford third, Henry Clay finished fourth. However, the US Constitution dictates that a candidate needs

to win a majority of votes in electrical college, or electoral college, and no one met that criteria because there was two people running. The pie was split, the pie was split too many ways. So the election now had to be decided by the House of Representatives. So on February 9th, 1825, the House of Representatives held its election in which each state delegation would get one vote and who has a lot of influence in the house. The other presidential candidate and current speaker Henry Clay and Clay uses his influence there to get Adams elected in exchange for Adams nominating Clay as secretary of state

which would set him on a path to the White House himself as Jefferson Madison and Monroe and now Adams had all been secretary of state before becoming president. Canada John C. Calhoun initially failed to be endorsed by his home state of South Carolina, which did go to Andrew Jackson and he was given the vice presidency. The fourth opposing candidate, William age Crawford, current secretary treasury offered that post again. And what was Jackson offered? The leading vote getter, Jack squat.

And if you think, man, I bet he was pissed. Yeah, you're right. When he finds out how it all went down he says so you see the Judas of the West and Reclay has closed the contract and received the 30 pieces of silver his end would be the same So he's he's pissed Jack says now I'm ready for president by the Tennessee legislature in 1825 More than three years before the next election. He's so fired up. He basically waits here and he's like, fuck it, we're running again. We're starting now.

This is the earliest nomination of its kind in presidential history. As soon as he lost, Jackson supporters basically started working on the next election. Next election. He is not fucking around. He wants vengeance. First, his supporters work on criticizing the Adams presidency, Senator Martin Van Buren, future eighth president emerges as one of the strongest critics of Adams. Also, vice president, John C. Calhoun, becomes an adamant critic of Adams.

Which is weird, but this happened a lot in the old days because the VP and president were elected separately. So even though they made that deal, they weren't the best of friends, and they had different viewpoints, and the vice president would openly criticize the president which is to me that seems so uncomfortable. You know like you're sitting there, you know reading the, you know, morning paper about how your vice president thinks you're an incompetent piece of shit and then you have a briefing with that same person that afternoon. Just dude, what the fuck?

Why would you say a monkey would literally make a better president me because at least a monkey isn't quite smart enough to cause the problems that I do? Oh, that? Hey, listen, I like monkeys. I think they're great. So really is compliment. Okay, I guess so. And then the next morning, you just read another headline, President so stupid, he thinks vice presidents, monkey comments were complimentary dude. Why? Jackson supporters established numerous pro Jackson newspaper and clubs. People are allowed to visit Jackson at the Hermitage, which is unprecedented. And then he just crushes it in the next election. He wins the election of 1828 with 56% of popular vote and sixty eight percent of the electoral vote. This election is significant and that it effectively ends the era uh...

where were of the democratic republicans kind of party and jackson supporters now become the democratic party while out of supporters become the national republicans so this is where it splits into democrats and republicans. This election also particularly dirty jackson was accused of executing his own soldiers being an adulterous bigamist and even of cannibalism on the battlefield. These accusations come from the coffin hand bills, a series of pamphlets written by Philadelphia editor John Bins. And it's insane how crazy they got. John Bins, not a big fan of Jackson wanted Adams to win, took it upon himself to do some mud sling and not even modern journalists more interested in ratings and truth would stoop to Some of the pamphlets took things Jackson's did Jackson did do just exaggerate and twisted the truth others just outright lies

The first poster Showcase six black coffins at the top of the pamphlet and claim that Jackson ordered the execution of six militiaman during the Creek war the pamphlet and claim that Jackson ordered the execution of six militiamen during the Creek War. Another 12 coffins were displayed further down the page to represent regular soldiers and Indians who were put to death under Jackson's command. This refers to the battle of Horseshoe Bend when Jackson attacked the Red Stick fortification. Roughly 800 of the 1,000 Red Stick warriors were killed in the battle. There was also a drawing of Jackson assaulted and stabbing Samuel Jackson in the streets of Nashville.

His face more of an evil Halloween mass and an actual face in the accounting drawing. This referred to an actual fight between Andrew and a man named Samuel Jackson. No relation. When Andrew did attack him with his sword. However, he was also later found innocent of assault charges because back then you could legally attack people with swords, you know, like the insult to you or something, I guess. Pamphlet published it later, time accused Jackson of committing adultery with his wife. Jackson's wife Rachel applied for a divorce from, you know, that previous marriage in 1790. We already talked about that.

Jackson would later attribute his wife's death to stress and shame brought on by accusations against her during this campaign. And then things get really crazy. A supplemental account of some of the bloody deeds of General Jackson attributed to Virginia Congressman John Telefero accused Jackson of atrocious and unnatural acts such acts including slaughtering 1,000 unarminated Americans taking a nap in the midst of their corpse. This guy was right. It wrote, it was published and eating a dozen of them for breakfast. The author went on to speculate about how Jackson might similarly treat American governors

and congressmen where he liked it present. Fucking ridiculous. Go ahead vote for Jackson. If you want him to kill and eat everyone you hold dear for breakfast Jackson supporters got pretty nasty too. They argued that Adams only became the ambassador to Russia because he wanted to frequent Horehouses and served as a personal pimp for Emperor Alexander the first procuring girls to please him So we bit of slander going the other direction as well Back at the Hermitage in Tennessee Rachel is experiencing immense physical and emotional pain during all of this. She has chest pain,

finds a difficult to breathe. After struggling for three days, she dies of a heart attack on December 22, 1828, three weeks after Jackson's elected president. Jackson had to be pulled away from her body so the undertaker could prepare the funeral. And then she was buried at the Hermitage on Christmas Eve. Jackson never forgave the people who had accused Rachel of bigomy, convinced that they had caused her death. And then a few weeks later, shortly after his inauguration, Jackson walked into the Democratic press, the paper that published the coffin handbills, found editor John Bans and challenged him to a duel.

When Bans refused, Andrew slapped him in the face and demanded they fight. When he still refused, Jackson took out a sword. He was kind of still prone to carrying, cut him down. He was then briefly charged with murder, but made it very clear he would just pardon himself if the charges were filed against him. Two weeks later, he would gun down John Quincy Adams on Pennsylvania Avenue in DC. No charges would be filed here either. It was ruled a fair fight.

10 days after that, Jackson walked into Congress, challenged any man who had been lined, either himself or his wife to a duel. John Markham, a congressman for Maine, accepting was shot down just outside the Capitol building, William Mumford, a congressman from Delaware, called Jackson a murderer, just loud enough for Jackson to hear him when he shot Markham and Jackson then shot Mumford down where he stood. At that point, two men still bleeding on the ground, their bodies still warm. Jackson unzipped his trousers, unsheathed his penis, waved it around his screen. Who wants to suck it?

And then Martin Van Buren, future president yells, if it means it will, it will say, you'll blood lust, I will do the deed. And then in front of Congress, future president gets down on his knees and sucks the current president's dick. And now you know the real story and of the event. Most history teachers are afraid to tell you mostly because it never happened. But Mr Jackson did die and Andrew was both super sad and angry

about it. And I am surprised he didn't kill somebody over this. March 4th, 1829, Andrew Jackson took the oath of office, become the seventh president became seventh president of the United States. Jackson's inaugural was the first one to take place in the East Portico of the Capitol building in Washington, DC. Presidential inaugurations removed to the West Portico in 1991. This site was selected in order to accommodate the thousands of people who had journeyed to Washington, DC to witness the inauguration of a murdering

hillbilly. Jackson played the part of a Democratic hero who wore a suit of plain black and no hat. It's tall figure gray hair, but he's easily visible to the crowd somewhere between 15 and 20,000 people. Witness Jackson delivered his inaugural address and take the oath of office. Jackson bowed to the people, a symbolic gesture that was the exact opposite of a monarchy where the people bowed to the king or queen. Jackson blamed Adams for Rachel's death and the former president was not invited to the White House after the inauguration.

So Adams didn't intend the inauguration at all. Kind of awkward. Now, just Jackson, thank you all for coming here tonight. I am truly on it. If you'll notice, former president Adams is not here. I assume you know why, but if you don't it because that dirty dealing cowardly line Pompous fuck murdered my wife If I see him again, I'll run my soil clear to him Put him on the flame have a redneck pot roast

Need him since I've already been accused of canola with him now, please enjoy dinner On May 26th 1830 Congress passes the Indian removal act, which sanktoned the forcible relocation of Creek, Chickasaw, Cherokee, Chokta, Seminole tribes to lands west of Mississippi River. This is what's known as the Trail of Tears after Jackson signs the Indian removal act on May 28th, 1830, allows for the president to have additional powers and speed up the removal of the Native American communities. I guess American-Ani communities. And this would go down as the most controversial policy Jackson would enact while in office. And another reason the tractors call for his removal from the $20 bill.

Excuse me, I hope to do a full suck on the trail of tears one of these days, like slavery, another dark mark on our nation's legacy. This act said that no state could achieve proper cultures, civilization, and progress as long as Indians remain within its boundaries. The US government essentially tricked the Cherokee people. Some Cherokee signed a treaty called the Treaty of New Eccoda, conceding to removal, but the Cherokee that signed were not recognized by the larger group as leaders. The Cherokee were given two years to migrate voluntarily, at the end of which time they

would be forcefully removed. By 1838, only 2000 migrated, 16,000 remained on their land. The US government then sent in 7,000 troops who forced the Cherokees into stockades at bay and at point. They were not allowed time to gather their belongings. Most of the deaths from the Trail of Tears came from disease, present in the stockades. Then they began the march known as the Trail of Tears, in which 4,000 Cherokees people died

of cold hunger and disease on their way to Western lands. The Cherokee were transferred to departure points at Ross's Landing, Chattanooga, Tennessee, and Gunters Landing, Guntersville, Alabama on the Tennessee River. And at Fort Cass, Charles's in Tennessee, near the Cherokee Agency on Hyawasi River, Calhoun, Tennessee. From there they were sent to Indian Territory, mostly traveling on foot or by some combination of horse wagon and boat distance of around 1200 miles along one of three routes by 1837 the Jackson administration and removed 46,000 American Indian people from their land each to Mississippi had secured treaties which led to the removal of a slightly larger number. American Indians most members of the five southeastern nations have been relocated west opening 25 million acres

of land to white settlement and to slavery. Incredibly, a lot of people claim that that even happened. I guess there are actual, at a hard time finding a specific example, I was told by my researcher that there are a fair amount of people out there on the web who don't think the trail of tears even happened. I guess there are trail of tear deniers. Why not? It's all the costs of the nires.

There's American slavery deniers. People who deny anything they haven't seen with their own two eyes. And there's people who've seen a lot of other stupid shit on today's idiots of the Internet. Idiots. I'll be intro that. Under a video called the Trail of Tears National Historic Trail, posted by NTIRNPS, they called themselves a family channel, this channel, and they state that we do not allow graphic obscene explicit or racial comments on submissions. But somehow the following comment

from the Wilson 565 has been left up for two years. Saying, I can't watch this for more than a few moments. I get so angry I can't stand it. The president, the MF president of the US ordered the people off their own land. They were driven like animals for miles only to end up on a people off their own land. They were driven like animals for miles only to end up on a useless piece of useless land.

This is what the white man is really like, evil devils. And then user want is fucking something. I swear to the people, just fucking mash their keyboard when they come up with the user names. They're just like, ah, fucking these seven letters. This is my user name. User want is bunch of fucking nonsense. Notice is what I do that racism against white men

is still racism. And posts, that seems slightly racist to me. Uh huh, it does seem that way to me as well. Then user wins to arm 1000 commits a huge pet peeve mine posting, if Georgia wanted to give back some of its land free of the Cherokee Nation, ancient wrongs might be righted. I hate the, let's give the land back argument in all forms when the generation

who owns the land is not the generation who took the land. How well is that policy worked out for the Israeli Palestinian situation? Not great unless you think never any violence is pretty great. Just such an easy like virtue signaling I, give him a land back. That's a sweet thought, it's a noble thought. Uh, and tell us your land. No one who either has worked to buy land or inherited land, you know, has been there, there's like their whole life, just gives it to someone who used to own it because it's like, you know, this, you know,

more moral thing to do. Unless they do so in like their will maybe, when they're gonna be dead and they can't use it anymore, or they can financially handle doing so maybe I guess, and maybe there's just a few examples of that. Everyone else needs their fucking land. And this is only depart from what they purchase, and at the end of the day, none of the earthland belongs

in these sacred sense to any of us. It's all been claimed by someone, and then given enough time, someone else, takes it away. You know, most of it has just changed hands so many times over the years. Yeah, the whole concept of true ownership, it's pretty ludicrous. You know, the land of the U.S. only belongs to the American Indians for as long as they could fight everyone else off from taking it.

You know, and if the world lasts long enough, someone will eventually take this shit from us. We're not longer for that to happen, I hope it's going to happen, but you know, all of the world's empires have all had one thing in common. Eventually, they crumble. And someone else rises out of the ashes, comes along, makes up some more rules, you know, divvies up the land for some other people.

You know, some alien civilization could land on Earth. Months from now, start fucking us up with advanced weapons we can't even compete with. Take everything we want, completely eradicate the concept of ownership for the entire planet. No one is giving anything back ever. When storm, that's not the world we live in. Uh, finally, user Linda Poole, let's her emotions get the best of her. She posts, I get angry when I see President Donald J. Trump standing by President Andrew Jackson's frame photo in the White House.

I imagine President Jackson is burning in hell right now. And the entire Georgia militia and the United States senders who did this to the Cherokee tribe and other tribes. And there is still more room in hell for others living today at their death because hell is surely real. Wow, a lot of hell talk Linda.

You bet, sure. Andrew Jackson is just burning in hell. He's just nothing but an evil piece of shit. We're signing a document that Congress passed with the majority approval. George Washington's probably down there, Teddy Roosevelt, they're down there. Thomas Jefferson's down there.

Every person who did some great things but also terrible things with all burning in hell, plenty of room as you said. Every person, you know, anything to do with slavery or American expansionism, with the expense of American, you know, or, you know, clone journalism. Anyone who had anything to do with slavery or American expansionism with the expensive American, you know, or, you know, clone journalism, anyone who had anything to do with British imperialism or Spanish, French, Portuguese, Dutch, and so many other, you know, national, you know,

conquests, every person who never fought actively for women, every person of every race and culture to have the exact same rights every every person who ever hated another race or culture of other people basically 99.99% percent of every human who ever lived of the human population just historically all evil pieces of shit but not you Linda Harrison not you you're going straight to heaven you're the best you're the best around I'll think about how great you are when I visit the Linda Harrison museum after you know spitting on that nasty old Andrew Jackson museum oh wait there isn't a Linda Harrison Museum after, you know, spitting on that nasty old Andrew Jackson Museum. Oh, wait, there isn't a Linda Harrison Museum. I wonder why? Maybe it's because you're just another dirt bag. Only folks on the mistakes of other people who accomplished, you know, far

greater things than your P brain is even remotely able to comprehend. Just another watcher, critique, and another doer. How easy that must be. Who gives a shit that he was a bonafide warrior right? Who cares that he helped the US from falling back into British possession? Who cares if he was successful to term present or that he loved his wife so much he had to be pride from her corpse? No, no, no, no. Let's just reduce him only to a man who didn't care for the rights of American Indians during a time when that was sadly the norm for US politicians.

Did you know that American Indian tribes attacked the community? He lived in as a child. Did you? You realize that the US the community he lived in as a child? Did you? You realize that the US and various tribes routinely attacked each other? They were a war. Various tribes sided with the British in the war of 1812. The war he risked his life to fight him. Wasn't all good guys on one side and bad guys on the other, old black and white thinker,

Linda. How nice it must be to live life in such simple terms in your brain. Just good guys and bad guys. You know, it's never like that. One nation's war here. Always another nation's villain. Would you, uh, would you fight like Jackson did for something you believe in Linda? Maybe get out there, dole for your honor. I bet not. And stop with the hell shit, dummy. That's tired. Come on. Give it a, give it a rest. Give the fire and print some rest. It's annoying. It's not your place to judge. Linda, read your own book.

And then when you're done with that, read a whole shit ton of other books. Learn the blood is spilled by the good and the wicked and a little alike in war and conquests and they need to go and wicked are often the same. Not cartoonistically good or cartoonistically evil people. Just regular, you know, gray meat sacks. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. And stop being an idiot of the internet. I'm an idiot. I'll be into that. I'll be into that.

I'll be into that. Okay, I got a full idiot disclosure of myself right now. If this might sound fine, but if it does sound a little off today, my mush mouth is a little higher gear because my body and mine are destroyed. I went on a hiking trip with my son over the weekend and it fucking almost killed me. I agreed to do it a couple years ago.

The mountain didn't seem as big as it actually was when I agreed to it and then I didn't prep at all. Just a jackass. Just think like, yeah, who cares them, 41? I'll just fucking, who cares? I've never hiked ever with a 40, 50 pound pack on my back. Whatever, just do it. You just get out there and do it.

Who cares, I don't have hiking shoes. Put on some old sneakers just get out there and do it who cares? I don't have hiking shoes put on some old sniggers get out there and I literally Crawled on my hands and knees the last hundred yards of the climb to get up there I don't know my legs have ever been so sore. I feel like I've been beaten. I feel like Andrew Jackson has beaten me Maybe it doesn't sound a bit me just in my head, but I'm just like man. I'm just beat to shit right now So I'm just I'm man, I'm just beat to shit right now. So I'm just, I'm noticing my mush mouth more.

Maybe just because every time I'm trying to, as I record, trying to lean in a certain way, and it's like every part of my body is sore. It's hard to get even comfortable sitting down. But I'm gonna, but I'm gonna power, you know what, if Andrew Jackson was here right now, he'd fucking slap me out of my chair. And he'd just sit down and just do the podcast himself.

He'd slap me out of his chair, tell me to punch him. I wouldn't then slap me again. Then I would punch him and then he'd just sit here and just speak through the blood. And then afterward, that's how you do it. You baby. Anyway, I know I'm talking right now. July 10th, 1832, evilest human ever, Andrew definitely burning and held the most Jackson, right? Linda vetoes a bill that would have extended the life of the second bank in the United States. Henry Clay is running against Jackson, the election of 1832 and proposed the bill in order to redirect focus to the bank in the upcoming election. Second bank, the US created in the aftermath

of the war of 1812 had been controversial throughout its life. Many people blamed the bank for the panic of 1819. Westerners and Southerners felt that the bank in general and its lending policies favored Northern interests. At the end of 1831, Senators Henry Clay and Daniel Webster supporters of the bank convinced the bank's president, Nicholas Biddle, to submit an early petition for the renewal of the bank's charter to Congress.

Thinking that Jackson wouldn't dare veto it and make the bank an issue in the election. Jackson says the bank isn't constitutional, argues extensively that the bank was not constitutional and that it was neither necessary nor proper for the federal government to authorize for myth the existence of an institution so big and so powerful that only directed a privileged few. And he does veto the shit out of it, which is significant because only a few presidents had used the veto a very small number of times before.

And also, the Supreme Court had said that the bank was constitutional, but Jackson then directly challenged that. Jackson said of the bank, the bank, Mr. Van Buren, is trying to kill me, but I will kill it. He was a fighter, man. November of 1832, Jackson wins reelection by defeating Henry Clay with 219 electoral votes to Clay's 49. Landslide, suck it Clay.

It's got to feel good man, getting reelected to the presidency. I would think feels even better than getting elected the first time. Like when you get elected the first time, you're getting elected because people think you will do a great job. When you get reelected, people are voting for you because they think that you have done a good job. And then to win your election in the landslide king of the world those voting results come in

uh... on the same or ten eighteen thirty two jacks and issues the notification proclamation which affirms that states and municipalities are forbidden from the law fine federal laws he threatens to enforce this with the use of federal troops set senator henry clay proposes the compromise tariff which decreases the tariff rates every year until it's elimination in 1842.

It's accepted by Congress and South Carolina. South Carolina, the first state that would end up the seeding in 1861, already is starting to disobey the federal government when it chooses. So Jackson's proclamation and Clay's tariff, these combined are selling the seeds for the Civil War to occur a few decades later. Fucking clay, man. Why can't he just go away when Jackson will possess that reelection? Jackson also passes the force bill in March 1st, 1833, which allows him to use, uh, the

army to enforce federal law. Give a give a lot of power to the federal government that that under Jackson, uh, May 6, 1833 Jackson sales to Fredrisburg, Virginia during a stopover in aliexandria robbert b randolph who's dismissal from the navy for embezzlement jackson had ordered appears and strikes the president consultant but punch them first this is the first time someone tried to physically assault the present will cement travel jacks run this dude down tackling

and then he and jackson have words and apparently you know uh... air out through grievances and uh... get over it because then jackson doesn't press charges. I guess plenty of people before landed did not care for Jackson. December of 1834 Jackson terminates the national debt. This is big. This is the only time the United States was entirely debt free and it lasted for about a year.

When Jackson first took office, the national debt was about 58 million, which is about 1.5 billion in today's dollars. And six years later, all paid off. And then a year after that, we'd head right back into debt, and we've been in debt ever since. January 30th, 1835, the first attempt at killing a sitting president occurs, assassination attempt, outside the United States Capitol.

Coming out of a funeral, Jackson has stopped by a man named Richard Lawrence, who aims at pistol at Jackson. The pistol mis man named Richard Lawrence who aims at pistol at Jackson the pistol misfires and Lawrence pulls out a second pistol which also misfires because it's Andrew mother fucking Jackson Highlander I guess it was incredibly human outside which led to the guns not working for and properly Well Jackson then attacks Lawrence with his cane and nearly beats him to death. He has to be pulled off of Lawrence First time someone tries to murder a US president, of course, would be Jackson.

As you learn today, he was a polarizing dude. And of course, Jackson now 68 years old. So I was to beat the shit out of somebody with a cane. Still fighting. Still not tolerating bullshit. July 11th, I actually wrote July 11th, like ST after 11. That's a fun.

July 11th, 1836. Do you remember where you were on July 11st, like ST after 11. That's a fun. July 11st, 1836. Do you remember where you were on July 11st? Now, July 11th, Jack's introduced the specie circular, which says that the government will only accept gold and silver for land payments. This is that thing about him not liking paper money. This act serves as an attempt to check rising inflation due to irresponsible lending.

He just thinks people get a little willy-nilly with their paper money. He trusts gold and silver, not paper. And again, that this to me is the best reason to get a mouse to 20. And I have absolutely nothing against Harry Teppin, by the way, future the $1 bill. You know, she's amazing human, she wasn't amazing human. And a subject of a future suck. Jackson's anti-paper sentiment doesn't help the country's economy actually causes another panic, the panic of 1837, which results because many of people, because you know, a lot of people are unable to repay loans and gold and silver. They can access gold and silver. The same year, there's also

depression and great Britain's economy that stops investments made in the US. So the US's national debt increases, the economy goes into depression, businesses fail, unemployment increases tremendously, and vice president van Buren actually was ultimately blamed for all this because I don't know, The economy goes into depression, businesses fail, unemployment increases tremendously. And vice president, Van Buren, actually was ultimately blamed for all this because I don't know, he was not a Cain Wilden war hero, I guess. Then on March 4th, 1837, Martin Van Buren sworn in as the eighth president in the United States. His inaugural address is mostly praise of Andrew Jackson.

After the presidency, Jackson goes back to live at the Hermitage. He continues to be involved with state and national politics, especially coming out against the session. Ben Burin becomes deeply unpopular because of the panic of 1837, which he didn't even cause. Jackson continues to support measures such as the annexation of Texas and James K. Polk in the 1844 election. James was not annexed. He was supporting the annexation of Texas and he was supporting James K. Polkin 1844

election. And then Jackson dies at the Hermitage back in Tennessee on June 8th, 1845 at the age of 78 of chronic dropsy, a condition characterized by an excess of water he fluid collected in the cavities or tissues of the body and heart failure. And that's the day Linda assures us that his soul went straight to the depths of the hottest pox of hell. And that takes us out of today's Times Up timeline. Good job, soldier.

You made it back. Barely. What a life, huh? Dude accomplished a lot. And he did a lot of things that history would judge him harshly for. His treatment of both African-American and American Indians, pretty brutal for the most part. Adding more to his confusing legacy,

he also adopted an American Indian boy, Theodore, and a creek boy named Lincoia. I mean, who saw that coming? The Jackson's though, they had no children of their own cared for nine other children besides the adopted American Indian boys. The children were all the orphan kids of family, friends, or neighbors. So you know, you couldn't have been that evil Linda.

I guess Jackson, you know, he just didn't want anyone else to grow up, you know, how he had grown up, you know, with no family. During his lifetime, he was hailed as the second George Washington because of his military successes during the war of 1812. However, in the second half of the 20th century, historical works about Andrew Jackson turned to focus on his slave owning and policies about American Indians. Who knows how he will be viewed in another hundred years. Let's look back again at how I viewed him today in today's top five takeaways. Time suck. Top five takeaways. Time, suck. Top five takeaway. Number one, Andrew Jackson was America's first redneck hillbilly president. He was the

first president born immigrant, immigrant parents. And those parents were they looked down upon Scotch Irish. Number two, the dude was an undeniable tough son of a bitch. He challenged the most successful duels of Tennessee, Charles Dickinson, to a fight to the death, and won by allowing himself to get shot first. Shrugging off a musket ball to the chest and then shooting his man down. Good God. Number three, Andrew Jackson was the hero of the War of 1812 for kicking British ass in the Battle of New Orleans, even though his force was greatly outnumbered by, and his men

far more under-tra trained than their British counterparts His force is suffered less than 50 casualties to more than 1500 for the British Number four Jackson lost both brothers and both parents by the age of 14 after fighting the revolutionary war at the age of 13 He faced more hardship and accomplished more with his life by the time he'd barely hit puberty without having four decades Maybe fuck Andrew Jackson is the right sentiment. Number five, new info. Andrew Jackson had a pet parrot seriously. I told this to Lindsay last night and she was like,

no, stop with your crazy lies. I was like, no, you did? You really did? The bird's name was Paul originally meant for Jackson's wife Rachel, but after she passed away, Jackson became the African-Grey parents caretaker. And the bird, one of Jackson's most frequent companions toward James of his life, had to be removed from his funeral for cursing up a storm and offended everyone.

Language most likely picked up from its time spent with the former president, the Reverend William Menifee Normand, not Reverend Dr. Just Reverend, the man who presided at Jackson's funeral said this about the pet. Before the sermon and while the crowd was gathering, a wicked parrot that was a household pet got excited and commence swearing so loud and long as to disturb the people that had to be carried from the house. He went on to say, the president's apparent was excited by the multitude and let loose perfect gusts of cuss words. People were horrified and odd at the birds lack of reverence.

Oh, man, what a fun funeral. We could always still lucky to have that kind of fun at our funnels. I might have to give me a parent, you know, my later years, maybe teach you a few words. He should say a few things like, what is Big Deal? So he did now. Not the earth, in Jerk and South Cork and Heaven now. Who wants a rossil, parents? Who wants a rossil, she could do a parrots.

Time suck, tough, five takeaway. Andrew Jackson has been sucked, fascinating life. One of a kind, man, Big thanks is always to the time suck team high priest is the suck harmony velocamp. Jesse Gardy and of grammar, Doughner, I was not able to get, because I'm out on climb,

I wasn't able to get the script of him in time. And you know what, and I missed him on several phrases. I'm like, oh, I think I said that wrong. Jesse would have caught that. Very important team member. Reverend Dr. Joe Paisley, time suck high priest Alex Dugan,

the bit of extra team danger brain. Space L and merch wizards access to peril queen of the suck Lindsey Cummins huge thanks to OG Bojangles research assistant Sophie Faxx source for his Evans she killed it again Very very sharp meat sack all these all these brilliant young lady researchers. I'm excited to see What they're gonna accomplish later on in life, but not in hurry to see see that happen. Because that means that I get a lot older and fuck that. So what's up next week? Roanoke, that's what we go pre Andrew Jackson in the history of American pre-colonialism. In 1587, more than 100 men, women and children settled on Roanoke Island, it was now North Carolina. War with Spain prevented speedy resupply of the colony, the first

English settlement in the new world backed by Elizabethian courtyard, Sir Walter Rale, when a rescue mission arrived three years later, the town was abandoned and the colonists had completely vanished. What happened to them? Did those big ass eye-eating, row-noke recluse spiders get them? Maybe. Probably not, since they made that up. Who knows? So what happened to the members of the last colony? Why was the word, uh, Crowe towing, carved in a tree? Why is that the only possible clue to their disappearance? Or are there other truths?

I don't know. I gotta, I gotta get in there. Excited to suck a mystery. This coming week. Now let's hear about what, uh, some of you all have had to say this past week in today's time Sucker Updates. First up, Annelise Michele Update, that exorcism episode.

From Time Sucker Katie Mays, who writes in saying, dear high king Suckington of Motherfuckington. Uuh, I like that. That was nice. I've been catching up on all the episodes and I recently finished the one on the demonic possession of Annelise Michele. Let me tell you about the paranormal fuckery that went down while I was listening.

I made it all the way to the part where you played the actual audio from the extra system. That's when shit started happening. I got through approximately five seconds of the real audio when the sound cut out. The timer on the episode was still running but no sound came out at all. I toggle between play and pause about 20 times with no results. I thought perhaps it was

the app, so I paused the episode, closed the app and started over. Nothing. So then I thought it was my phone, turned the whole damn thing off and started over again. Finally, the audio was back. Must've been my stupid phone. A bit later, you get to the second piece of real exorcism audio. At this point, I've finally heard the first part, and I'm pretty fucking wigged out. You started to play the audio, and the sound cuts out again. I go to the same steps before with no results again. By now, I'm pretty sure a demon is playing with my phone. Or God is trying to tell me to not listen to this demonic bullshit.

I turn the volume all the way up to the max during my fiddling. When all of the sudden, the audio comes back. I scream like a little the way up to the max during my fiddling when all of the sudden the audio comes back I scream like a little bitch and through the phone across the room. Ha ha ha Through the phone across the room took me 30 minutes to get up the nerve to play the rest of the episode No more demons fuck with my phone a couple days later. I finally figured out what the hell actually happened as it turns out The day I was listening that episode my husband was outside washing my car. My phone is paired to my car through Bluetooth. Every time a husband turned on the car to move it or vacuum it, the audio cut out and played

in the car. So while I was freaking out about possible demons in my phone, my husband was turning the car on and demonic German screams were playing from the speakers there. I thought you'd get a good laugh over my paranoid dumb ass. Feel free to share if you'd like. Hail Nimrod soon to be space lizard. Katie Mace. PS. Bok boh play boh. Bok boh. Ha your poor husband. Every time he turns on the car to wash it, something pretty nice, dude, by the way, wash your car. I'm not sure. Lensy doesn't hear this episode and expect her car to be washed. And then every time he turns on, you know, he just hears like, and you learn the gear way from him,

you can't even do the help of value. Glad you got it, I'll figure it out. Big honest, Fina. And where's chicken Joe been these past few episodes? Feel like he's doing for an appearance. I hope he stops by soon. Have a great week, Katie, thank you for that. And I love to use through your phone and fear.

God, what great coincidence, just for Thank you for that. And I love you through your phone and fear. God, what great coincidence just for the, you know, for the sake of the story to have him, you know, happen to mess with your car and those moments during the podcast. Okay. Now we have time, sucker, Ryan Wagoner, talking about doing his best to recover from Hurricane Florence, wrote in saying, Hey, master, the suck, wanted to drop you a quick hello and just say thank you from Wilmington, North Carolina on Tuesday after the storm. Still in the dark. We lost power on Friday at the start of the rampage and don't look to get that sweet AC lights cooking so over refrigerator back until maybe this Friday heard. So hopefully that was that that would be this past Friday. Hopefully you're back. I usually listen to the show as soon as it's dropped to work in

the sweet red classic diesel repair garage of Coca-Cola, but damn loose to Fina block the roads and blocked out my cell service until today. Hail, Nimrod. He let a sliver of cell signal get to my phone just long enough to download my weekly fix of the suck. And what do you know about electricity fitting for sure, but but know that listening to your crazy ass made me happy for a bit despite the storm and cleanup. We're all going through

down here. I never ride in, but as a faithful space, those are myself. I'll thank you. I always read the boards and get a kick out of your standup shows and podcasts in half for years. I knew I couldn't make it to the recent Charlotte North Carolina show. A couple of months back, but had my girlfriend buy two tickets anyway, just to support your show. Wow, man. And hopefully spawn a return visit to North Carolina, maybe even a show close to Wilmington. Well, I'm definitely getting back to Charlotte. I gotta figure out the date. I'm getting back. I gotta get back to the chainsaw and filling the generators. But thank you for

lifting my spirits. As always, and keep up the great work. Love you, man. Ryan Wagner. We'll love you, Ryan. Glad the suck could be a bit of a pick me up during a tough time. Glad to hear you have a generator and a damn chainsaw. I feel like Andrew Jackson will be proud of that generator. Chain saw? No, he's all right. He's a good man. I hope the flooding is going down where you are. I know water levels are actually still rising in some parts of North Carolina, so fuck Florence. Yeah, and I hope you well. Thank you for listening.

Now we have an old men and black update from time sucker Melissa Reynolds. Reynolds, there we go. Melissa writes in same, hey, mother sucker, I was recently converted in May to the cold to the curious and have since been going through the back log of your podcast. I was originally going to write one massive email with all the problems and inconsistencies. Oh man, I can't wait to see what it comes up from today. Leaving off whichever ones you covered in the time, so it could update,

but I just finished the real men and black episode and I could not keep this to myself. I used to work as a librarian at a local Michigan public library and I've met Raven Mendel. Oh my God, she would ask for shit tons of cryptos duology books that I would have to request from other libraries. Many time was I in her company for a prolonged period of time in which she would request that the library buy some crazy person's dream interpretation Bible or that crystal researcher's thesis. Every interaction with her was a wackadoodle fest. Anyways, I needed to get that off my chest. I work at a university now and have access to top resources for free.

Hit me up if you need university resources for your research. I don't work as a librarian anymore, so I would love to practice the skills. I'm still paying off for it. The cult, I've been loving so much. Love how well researched your show is and keep sucking Melissa Oh, thank you. That is great. Melissa. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for the offer

We go and waves with researchers sometimes having more help that we can use what I'm so thankful for sometimes definitely need more help We have a pretty big team right now, but we'll keep you in mind for sure for future assistance And I think your offer is super kind and appreciated and it's very nice So sincerely thank you. And Raven, by the way, if somebody don't remember, someone who claimed to have been visited by the men in black, if you'll recall, her services include, should you like to hire her? These are lists on her website, Oracle, Crystal Ball, Tero, or a scanning dream analysis and

haunting assessments. So this is who Melissa was talking to with the library. Oh my god. Hi, Raven. I'm here from a crystal ball appointment. And this is my son Frank. He has a 2 p.m. Oracle reading. Should he come in the lobby and wait? Or should he wait in our van? The one out in the parking lot was a unicorn and wizard custom pain on the site. Okay, one more quick, funny one from TimeCenter Gabriel Cox. Gabriel said and says, hey'd say, and says,

Hey, Dan, the cat, you killed curiosity. I've been a fan of yours for years. I've been listening to your podcast for a while now. I'm going back to college and your succulent word smithing makes the walk and train rides tolerable every day. I meant to tell you this story for a while now, but I've been lazy and forgetful. The only time I have run into a time stuck

on the wild was during your Stanford experiment episode. I was driving home from a meeting while listening to this episode and decided to get some fast food. Now, usually I turn my micropod gas down when I pull up the window, but by the grace of Nimrod slash mischievousness, the Lucifina, I did not this time. Right as the kid opens the window to get my money, you began a long die tribe about Sodomy. I swear to God, you said it repeatedly, just to embarrass me in this situation. After an excruciatingly long period

of staring each other with your Sodom talk in the background, the kid just smirks and says, timesuck, nice, I listen to that episode this morning. He shut the window to get my food and I laughed at the point of having to pause the podcast so I wouldn't miss anything. Thanks for that. It had been a really long day

and a good laugh was needed, Gabe Cox. Oh, man, thank you for sharing that. That is hilarious. Not a lot of people understand a long, comedic die tribe on Saddamie. You know, just like Saddamie is not for everybody. Neither was joking about Saddamie. Some people don't want to hear the word Saddamie. He said over and over just Saddamie, Saddamie, Saddamie.

But here on time, so we can take just about anything, including Saddamie. Yes, that was another Sautami joke. Sautami and just Sautami and Sautami. Sometimes you take it. And yes, I am saying Sautami a lot right now, hoping to create another possible awkward situation for when he listeners. Thanks for riding in everybody. Hale Nimrod. Thanks, time suckers.

I need a net. We all did. We'll have a great week, you beautiful meat sacks. Try not to get to any pistol doles. If you do get into a pistol duel, maybe, you know, maybe not plan on taking that first shot to the chest. Just because it worked for Andrew Jackson doesn't mean he's going to work for you. And more importantly, keep on sucking.