Timesuck with Dan Cummins - 113 - World War One: Unprecedented Carnage

Episode Date: November 12, 2018

It's the 100th anniversary of WW1! The Great War. The War of Nations. The War to End All Wars. If only that were true. What a war it was! It was a war unlike any other fought in the long history of Europe. New technology - tanks, flamethrowers, fighter jets, poison gas, and more. And it was unprecedented in scope - over 65 million troops would be mobilized over the course of the four years. Over 65 million men sent to fight. Think about that number. We'll talk about a lot of numbers today as we break down what led to WW1, what happened during WW1, how and when it ended and its aftermath, today, on a thank you to the troops edition, happy Veteran's Day edition, of Timesuck. Timesuck is brought to you by Away Travel! For $20 off a suitcase, visit awaytravel.com/timesuck and use promo code TIMESUCK during checkout! Timesuck is brought to you today by Hims! Get a trial month of hims for just $5 today when you go to ForHims.com/Timesuck We're donating $1,000 this month to the Green Beret Association.Hail Nimrod! Click HERE to learn more or donate. Support both Special Forces combat veterans and their families get the care they need to put in all the sacrifices they make to keep us safe. Watch the Suck on Youtube: https://youtu.be/cjM45R1F7jM Merch - https://badmagicmerch.com/ Want to try out Discord!?! https://discord.gg/tqzH89v Want to join the Cult of the Curious private Facebook Group? Go directly to Facebook and search for "Cult of the Curious" in order to locate whatever current page hasn't been put in FB Jail :) For all merch related questions: https://badmagicmerch.com/pages/contact Please rate and subscribe on iTunes and elsewhere and follow the suck on social media!! @timesuckpodcast on IG, @timesuckpodcast on Twitter, and www.facebook.com/timesuckpodcast Wanna be a Space Lizard? We're over 3500 strong! Click here: https://www.patreon.com/timesuckpodcast Sign up through Patreon and for $5 a month you get to listen to the Secret Suck, which will drop Thursdays at Noon, PST. You'll also get 20% off of all regular Timesuck merch PLUS access to exclusive Space Lizard merch. You get to vote on two Monday topics each month via the app. And you get the download link for my new comedy album, Feel the Heat. Check the Patreon posts to find out how to download the new album and take advantage of other benefits. And, thank you for supporting the show by doing your Amazon shopping after clicking on my Amazon link at www.timesuckpodcast.com

World War One, the Great War, the War of Nations, the War to End all wars, if only that were true. Well, what a war was, in 2018, is the 100th anniversary of its end. It was a war unlike any other fought in the long history of Europe, new technology tanks, flamethrowers, fighter jets, poison gas, and more, and unprecedented in scope. Over 65 million troops will be mobilized over the course of four years. Over 65 million men sent a fight. Think about that number.

The war began a month after Austro-Hungarian Archduke, France, Ferdinand was assassinated on June 28, 1914, and his death did lead to the war, but it was so much more complicated than that. The origins of World War I were decades in the making, and we're going to explain those origins and the launch into four years of all-out continental war today on a special Veterans Day. Thank you for your service. Time suck loves the hell out of today's and yesterday's troops edition of Time Suck. time suck. Happy Monday time suckers.

Hail Memrod. Hail Luciferina Praiseville Jangoes. Hail Triple M. Hail our military listeners. All those who died defending not only this country, but any of the world's countries. You know, it's a world war suck after all. You know, fighting on the losing side of history doesn't mean you didn't die bravely. I'm Dan Cummins, suck master of the master's sucker, call to the curious curator. Fourth leg about jangles, Lucifer's love slave and you are listening to time suck.

Turns out I really did have a blast in Columbus, Ohio a few weekends back. I called it correctly. Recording this suck in advance of Buffalo shows, hoping that weekend was fun as well, hoping hoping Nimrod watched over me. I'll be in Grand Rapids, Michigan this weekend shows the Dr. Grins November 16th and 17th, including my last live podcast of 2018 on the 17th. It's going to be fun. Some shows already sold out very excited for Grand Rapids and then Spokane. Come on, Spokane, Spokane.

Spolvegas. I'll be the Spokane Comedy Club November 29th, 30th December 1st. Let's make it three years in a row of good times at that club. And then finishing off 2018 in the club, I haven't been before. Helium and St. Louis December 6th through the ninth looking forward to seeing some of you time suckers there as well. And thanks for checking out the suck on YouTube. Also on Spotify, also on SoundCloud. I think we're everywhere.

A podcast can be now. And even some places that other podcasts can be, like our own app. The time suck app on Google Play and the Apple Store. Thanks for sharing those preview videos on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter spread and the suck to people who just don't get it yet with little 60-second glimpses of what we're doing here. And also thanks for scooping out those times, so challenge coins. I love them. I love the weight of them. That protective case, if you do want to take it off, I finally did figure out a trick. You got to pull on the opposite plastic side you would think to

pull on. The one without the little lip. I kept trying to pull the other one. It's actually, there's a little tiny groove you can find on the other side. And pry it off. Hope that makes sense. And thank you to all the spaces. Once again, for your patronage, we're over 35 hundred spaces,

or as I record this new high. But I do know that this new number allows us to give a thousand dollars to this month's charity. And this month's charity is another one run by TimeStuckers, the greenbareeassociation.org. And here's what they do, straight from there about page, and I will have a link to them in today's episode description.

It says those who, those we seek to serve since the attacks of September 11, 2001, US Army Special Forces have shouldered the heavy burden of carrying out countless complex missions worldwide. As larger conflicts have ended in Iraq and Afghanistan, the demand for special operations forces has increased. These warriors have suffered a high number of casualties over the years while maintaining a high operational tempo.

The cumulative effect of sustained combat has increasingly strained the members of the special forces and their families. These operators struggle with questions as old as warfare itself. How can the human body be developed to absorb the repeated physical punishment of combat and still perform far above the ordinary? How can even elite warriors endure the cumulative effects on mind and spirit of extreme stress

and continual exposure to death and destruction? How can the impact of their wives and kids be prevented or healed? The answers will help determine how the United States fares in the Long War against its adversaries and the Green Berets Association, a 501 tax exempt, national nonprofit, serves and supports members of the U.S. Army Special Forces, Green Berets and their families. We provide a range of programs aligned with the United States Special Operations Command Preservation of the Force and Family Program designed to address the the frame of the force after over 15 years of combat. Our programs contribute

to the maintenance of mind and body, providing cute and ongoing support in resolving physical, psychological, emotional, and relationship problems before they become chronic. During times of tragedy, tragedy, excuse me, the Green Beret Association provides immediate financial relief, offers counseling and services to those left behind and the special operations community. The Green Bray Association also helps war years transition from military service to civilian life by providing career counseling, support, and mentorship. And I talked with Nick and Sydney, the Green Bray and his fellow Green Bray buddies, military spouse who run this organization.

Lindsay speaks with them, a ton. We've all had dinner and man, they're just solid. Just solid people. They're very dedicated to taking care of the Green Beret, special forces members and their families. So thank you for your support space. Those are just thank you for allowing us to support others, doing a lot of good in the world. I got a lot of show for you today, holy shit. So much war, so complex, but I think I've simplified it without dumbing it down. Took me a bit longer to wrap my head around this one

than most of the sucks. Glad to have learned a lot about a war. I knew very, very, very little about and hope you enjoy it as much as I have. Time now for an epic suck on World War One. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ on World War One. So what events led up to the start of World War One? The Germans would eventually shoulder most of the blame for this war, but if you read between the lines, I think it's easy to see that the dirty, dirty, savage, subhuman Polish

people were actually behind it all. I just cannot stress enough how evil Polish people are. And yes, I am married to one. I am only married to a Polish woman because I feel like it's my duty to keep an eye on at least one of them for the good of humanity at large. Find out where they're holding their secret meetings. Did you know that the original recipe for parogies calls for both puppy and baby meat? It's half baby meat, three eighth puppy meat, one eighth kitten tears, and of course, flowers, salt, pepper, and some kind of Polish witch's blend of devil spices. But seriously enough about monsters. Let's talk about real humans. Let's talk

about the events that led up to the start of the war. One of the main ingredients of the origin of World War I is nationalism. European nationalism was on the rise at the beginning of the 20th century. Nationalism based largely, as it often is in racism, you know, the age old mentality of our people are wonderful and your people are filthy ducks. People in my country, people who look like me are incredible and people who live in your country,

people who don't look quite like I do, are inferior. And I'm still not joking about Polish look quite like I do, are inferior. And I'm still not joking about Polish people, who I do, who my love. This is for real this time. Nationalism was like a religion for much of Europe's imperialist powers and a lot of smaller countries as well. This time, England, Spain, France, Germany, especially though, been spreading their various doctrines of colonialism around the globe for centuries by the beginning of the 20th

century, spreading their nationalistic battle cry of where the best, everyone else, second rate tops. And the nationalism turned into militarism as the leaders of various European nations intended to prove that their army was the best. They wanted to prove their might, really display on the battlefield how superior they actually were.

Proved that they're the most powerful, that the best soldiers, the most advanced weapons, the most industrialized military. We've talked a lot previously about the Cold War mentality here in the Suck, you know, a lot of a lot of suck episodes have revolved around the Cold War. And you know, about how in the first few decades following World War II, the United States and the Soviet Union were obsessed with showing each other up, obsessed with proving that they were the best, you know, with proving that they were the best.

Their system of government was the best. They had the most fit, most attractive, most intelligent, most talented people, the best trained soldiers, the most powerful weapons. Well, now imagine that same mentality, but spread out amongst numerous European nations with borders actually touching one another instead of being across the world. And with centuries, old histories of fighting one another. Another ingredient of World War I's origin was the romanticism of the idea of war.

The major powers of Europe had gone through a contextually long period of peace leading up to World War I, and the Balkan Wars directly preceding it, which began in 1912, two years prior. When you look at a major timeline of European war, there's a 40-plus year period of peace prior to the Balkan Wars. While colonial powers had fought,

in other words, around the globe, there hadn't been a major European war fought on European soil since 1871. The end of the Franco-Prussian War. Now, the Franco-Prussian War was found on the heels of the Austro-Prussian War of 1866 when the Germanic state of Prussia unified numerous German states into a new and powerful European empire led largely by Prussian general and soon to be German-chancelor Otto van Bismarck. Otto von Bismarck

and Bismarck knew that a good way to further unify the new empire of various German states was to stoke animosity towards long- know, a long-term rival France. And then when a Prussian prince was offered the throne of Spain, France protested being surrounded by the Prussians and declared war and 26 various states of the German Empire unified to defend themselves against France. And the war lasted less than a year. And was really just over in a few months as far as major battles. The German began a siege of Paris two months after the war began and then Paris just kind of hung on for a while endured months of

famine before eventually conceding victory to the Germans. And in the end, France conceded the empire to the now unified German empire and also conceded to pain the Germans in indemnity, financial compensation for having caused the war. And then there was peace, at least as far as major conflicts fought on European soil for decades. And as we learn over and over and over, we meet sacks have very short memories. What's that quote by George Santillana, that 19th, 20th century Spanish philosopher and poet, those who failed to learn from history are doomed to repeat it. So fucking true. Over and over and over. Same patterns reemerge. Like I know for me, cheese starts well.

Cheese begins great and then ends in a violent internal assault on my non-lactate enzyme processing digestive system. And then as I sit sweaty and angry in a hotel or airport bathroom stall, I tell myself that's it. Fuck cheese. Fuck milk. Fuck milkshakes. Alfredo sauce, fuck clump cheddar. You know, damn you, delicious cream.

But then, after a few weeks, I forget all about my defeat in the bathroom. And I only remember the sweet, sweet taste of cheese. And I punished myself all over again. Well, that's kind of what happened in Europe. They remembered the sweet taste of easy victories. And they forgot about all the painful defeats and the real cost of war.

The young men and women growing up in the last decades of 19th century and the beginning of the 20th century hadn't tasted war in their lifetimes in Europe and they idealized it. Their leaders were children when the last war hit their lands, the second generation removed from the Franco-Prussian war began to romanticize battle as an important test of manhood, a right of passage that their parents had missed on because their parents were cowards.

You know, they didn't want to miss out on. They thought of war as a way to demonstrate the strength of your nation and the superiority of your culture. Government officials, academic elites, even important religious figures, Declurgy essentially became pro-war. There was a popular book published in France in 1912 called The Young People of Today, written by young French intellectuals, Henri Massisse, Alfred D'Etat. And they talk about the lack of courage and cowardice.

Their parents were not fighting the German Empire after France's defeat in that Franco-Prussian war. They felt that their parents were afraid of the Germans, but their generation was different. No, we're not, we're scared, we're scared." They wrote, war. The word had taken on a sudden glamour. It is a youthful word, holy new, adorned with that seduction, which is eternal bellicose instinct, has revived in the ears of men. These young men impune to impute to it all the beauty with which they are in love and which they have been deprived by ordinary life. Above all, war in their eyes is the occasion for the most noble of human virtues, those

which they exalt above all others, energy, mastery, and sacrifice for cause which transcends ourselves. Man, I did not have that as a young man. I remember when I was in high school, in the US, actually, I was at the end of junior high guess. US was gearing up to enter the Gulf War and Iraq at the end of 1990, so I went in eighth grader, and I first heard someone mention the possibility of getting drafted. And obviously that didn't come close to happening.

We know that now, and the US military annihilated the Iraqi army in just a matter of a few months. But no one knew that beforehand. I remember just watching the news and my grandparents and I had dinner at night. I remember just thinking about how like, what if the war turned into some Vietnam type situation and then I could get drafted? And my thought was definitely not fuck yeah, let me go prove my manhood. Woo manhood. Yeah. Now scared. I had no interest in dying young. I was terrified. Maybe I was just less braved in the average middle schooler. That's very possible. I've always been a warrior. And I, you know, and, and, I don't know. I think that maybe that's why I have so much admiration for veterans. I think, I think we admire noble qualities and others that we don't necessarily feel like we have ourselves.

And I just admire the courage and selflessness, selflessness, excuse me, of soldiers, more as I get older, anyone who's served regardless of whether you you or not you enjoyed your time in the serviceman, I hope you're proud of the fact that you didn't just think about signing up like you did it. You did, you did that, you actually served your country, man. But I digress. Also in 1912, there was a book being written in Germany by deeply respected retired general the son of an even more respected general, Frederik

von Bernhardt, called Germany in the next war. And he wrote, from this standpoint, I must first of all examine the aspirations for peace, which seem to dominate our age and threaten to poison the soul of the German people, according to their true moral significance. I must try to prove that war is not merely a necessary element in the life of nations, but an indispensable factor of culture in which a true civilized nation achieves the highest expression of strength and satisfaction. Wow, man. So this dude was a cavalry lieutenant in the Franco-Prussian war. He actually knew what war looked like, and he was advocating for more.

To be fair, though, he'd only fought a quick quick lopsided victory. His only experience of war was, you know, quick, decisive dominant. Another ingredient of the of World War One, the build up to it, imperialism. Think about how the British and the Spaniards, for example, had approached colonialism. I was an attitude of furthering the glory of the crown, subjugate the filthy heathens living in the Americas and forced them to join our clearly superior culture You know they acted like they were doing indigenous people of favor You know we're introduced new to a better god and a better way of life Well that same attitude existed amongst Europe's monarchies your country and culture will be blessed to have us come over

Take take you over and replace everything with our superior culture. You're welcome Another ingredient of World War One origins is propaganda. I listened to a great course's lecture about the origins of World War One and Professor Robert L. Weiner. Yeah, yeah. Professor Weiner, tough break. Talked about how in the decade prior to the outbreak of World War One, European kids and many countries were being taught in school to fear and hate their neighbors. Good old propaganda. It's very effective.

Tried and true method to prepare the young to, people that they'll be then sent to kill. It's probably why I get so angry and I think about modern mainstream media pushing spin instead of truth. Some guys from this month's charity greenbareassociation.org got me to download an app called one-american news network That I use for keeping up with what's going on in the world. It's today's headlines without today's opinions. This is not a sponsor, but you guys, one American news network, I just think it's really cool. It's amazing how short the articles are in this app because there's no spin.

There's just, hey, this is what happened. This guy said this and these people said that and then just bounces out to the next article. Fucking love it. Another ingredient of World War One, especially popular in Germany, was what's become known is the short war illusion. Now, this is a feeling that your nation is so much more powerful and dominant than any

others that any military action you commit to. It's going to be fucking easy, peasy. It's going to be swift, decisive and glorious. And why wouldn't the German Empire feel that way? The Franco-Prussian War, the Austro-Aprussian War, have been quick and decisive. They felt like most of Europe was just theirs for the take-in. You know, we'll march, you know, we're just gonna march around Europe,

let everyone know what the fucking plan is, you know. Germany, German, New Language Europe, the Deutsch Mark is the currency of everywhere. Hope you love sausage, because it's for breakfast and dinner now. In October, it's gonna be fucking just off the charts. Holy shit, it's gonna be big this year. The German Empire at the time extended to France and the West,

Russia and the East, much larger than it is now. And Germans had put enough thought into dominating Europe that they'd actually developed a plan for attacking both France and Russia and expanding their empire way back in 1905. About a decade before the war, it's called the Schief, the Schleefland, Schleefland. There we go, the Schleefen plan.

The Schleefen plan, named for its original account Alfred von Schleefen, stated that any war for Germany would be a two front war. This plan would ensure a quick 42 days to be exact. I love that they have it down to the day. 42 days, they can take to kick France's ass, and then we go mobilized our troops towards Russia, and then we kicked them in just a little bit, I don't know, a couple months. No big deal. No big deal. I just love how confident they were. We're breaking to France, and those France bastards, we're not even bothered to raise their guns.

They'll stay inside our cheese and baguettes, shops and eat their crepes, and drink their tears. And we're only in the entire country in exactly six weeks. We'll march back across Germany and make Russia big for our mercy. We should take no more than two or three days tops. If you think that's a lot more like Arnold Schwarzenegger than an old German war hero, yeah, you're right. Realize it's easier for me to do a shitty Arnold Schwarzenegger than it is for me to do a more shitty German accent.

So for now on, Schwarzenegger is the official accent of the Germans. And you know what? He is Austrian. Arnold's Austrian. Austria is to Germany with Scotland is to England, you know, the same language, similar culture, just different accent for the most part. Okay, France also had a pre-war battle plan known as Plan 17. They developed that back in 1911, the French generals had first developed that.

It involved a major offensive by the French armies across Al-Zazlordan into the main German industrial areas. The French general staff calculated that any German offensive would be launched in that area and the best defense would be a strong offensive. Hit him with a building of weapons. Another huge ingredient of World War I. The one that would take it from a regional war like the Balkan Wars to a continental war was the formation of European alliances.

This is what really dragged all of Europe into this war. Germany began to form alliances in the late 1800s and this caused other European nations to form their own alliances, you know, less they'd be overwhelmed if they were attacked by the Germans. And then these alliances, which would perpetually shift by the way, nice reflection of how politically unstable Europe was leading up to the war. Yeah, countries were swapping back and forth. Even once the war started, like Italy was like, yeah, well, fucking will help you out Germany, you know, before the war. And then during the war, they're like, just kidding. We feel like the other side is a bit of a chance of victory. We're

going to go with them. These alliances, yeah, we drag all these multiplenations, you know, quickly into this big fucking war, the BFW, maybe that's what it should have been called. Did you fight in the BFW? What? The big fucking war. 1873. The first alliance created was the three emperors league, pledging mutual war times support amongst Germany, Austria-Hungary, and Russia.

Didn't last long. Russia withdrew five years later in 1878, and then Germany and Austria-Hungary formed the dual alliance in 1879. The dual alliance promised that the parties would aid each other if Russia attacked them or if Russia assisted another power at war with either nation. In 1881, Germany and Austria-Hungary strengthened their bond by forming the triple alliance with Italy. All three nations pledged to support each other if they were attacked by France.

Also if any member found itself a war with two or more nations at once the alliance would come to their aid. Italy the weakest of the three insisted on the final clause voiding the deal. If the the triple alliance members were the aggressor like don't don't start shit you will you will help if you get attacked but don't start shit. And then shortly after Italy decided to deal with France pledging support of Germany attack them. Italy always going back and forth back then. After Chancellor Otto van Otto von, or Otto van Bismarck, now I wrote it as Van, I think it's Otto von. Otto von Bismarck was that voted out of power in 1890, Kaiser Wilhelm II pursued an aggressive policy of German militarization, alarmed by Germany's

naval build up the United Kingdom, Russia and France being a strength in their ties. Russia entered into an agreement with France in 1892, spelled out in the Franco-Russian military convention. Terms were lose, but tied both nations to support each other if they should be involved in war, designed to counter the triple alliance. Much of the diplomacy Bismarck had considered critical to Germany's survival had been outdone in a few years then in the nation once again faced threats on two fronts. Concerned about the threat of rival powers posed to the colonies. Great Britain began searching for alliances of its own, although the UK had not supported France and the Franko-Prussian War, the two nations did pledge military support for one another in the Antont, Cordial of 1904, three years later, 1907. Britain

signed a similar agreement with Russia and the triple Antont was formed. So now as we prepare to enter World War I, you have the major powers of Britain, actually the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland at the time. So you have Britain, France, known as the French Third Republic at that time, and the Russian Empire and one side, known as the triple on-tont. And then on the other side, you have the triple alliance of the German Empire, the Austro-Hungarian Empire, and Italy. Outside of Scandinavia and the Iberian Peninsula, most of Europe is military aligned with one

of these two sides. So now let's talk about the final ingredients of this first war, the instability of the Austro or Austro-Hungarian Empire and some battles in the Balkans. And I think it's clear at this point that while what happens next did lead directly to this war. If these events hadn't have happened, something else would have lit the fuse on the powder cake of Europe, as it became known, within the next few years. Europe by 1910 was just absolutely on a course for war, their destined for a major war.

Fucking Balkans man, or mass. Balkans, a mountainous region that includes present-day countries of Greece, Albania, Macedonia, Bulgaria, Romania, part of Yugoslavia, Serbia, Montenegro, Bosnia, Herzegovina, that's a tricky one. Geographically European Turkey, small region around Istanbul and also located in the Balkans. And if you'll recall from way back in the Vladivolian paler suck, the Balkans, aka, southeastern Europe, bit of shit show for centuries. The word, the word Balkan actually means shit show in English. That's not true.

It means show of shit. No, it means, it means wooded mountain chain in Turkish, actually. And it was sandwiched between the various Christian empires of Europe and the Muslim Ottoman empire for centuries. Look at various maps of Europe in the 13th, 14th, 15th, 16th, 17th, 18th, 19th century. You'll see national boundaries continually being redrawn. Country names changing, continually being rewritten. There are the Serbian Slavic people with their Eastern Orthodox-based roots. There are the crotes of Croatia, another Slavic people, a large identified as Roman

Catholic, the Ottoman, Turkish Muslims, Albanians who share a language, not closely related to any of the other European languages, cultures, fragment it over the years. Some Albanians being Eastern Orthodox, some being Roman Catholic, some being Muslim, yet other ethnic groups, like, you know, the Greeks, Romanians, Hungarians, Roma people, many more. And long, long, long story, very short. A lot of wars have been fought in these mountains for centuries between more than a dozen different ethnic groups who for various periods of the Middle Ages. And in some cases, even before that, developed independent cultures due to the geographic isolation these mountains provided.

And then you know, Europe would use those people as a buffer to prevent the Ottomans from coming in. The Ottomans would use them as a buffer, but it would prevent the Crusaders from coming back very tumultuous area. And again, because of nationalistic attitudes like, you know, we like the way we do things, we do things better because our culture is the best and your culture is stupid. Many of these little various independent cultures grew to hate each other over centuries. Fucking meat sacks man. Why don't we keep doing this to each other?

It's the same old story, you know, it reminds me of rabid sports fans who hate the fans of other teams. Hate people who behave exactly like they do because those people are born in Ann Arbor instead of Columbus or Boston instead of New York. Now usually in sports, I don't just play hate. It's a game of pretending to hate, but not with nationalist. Nationalism is real hate. That's people kill each other just because these, just because, you know, these other people are born in a different village, you know, dressed in a different way, worshiped different God, ate different foods. It's ass and I.

Why can't we all just come together and just all look down on Polish people, like Nimrod intended. Hell, Nimrod! Where is Poland in this tale, by the way? No sovereign Polish state existed between 1795 and 1918. The Poles were subjugated, it's got intended by actual human beings like the French under Napoleon, Russian Zars, Germans, aka the Prussians. Polish independence efforts would actually benefit greatly from World War I. Negotiations at the end of the war would lead to a new Polish

independence state with last until World War II when Germany would take them over again. And then Russians would take them over after that, and then they'd been independent against this 1989. And that's why currently, because they've been independent for decades, Poland has, I don't know if you know this, no electricity, no running water. It's a network of caves, run down buildings, a lot of stuff burning,

and just various clans of white, furless monkey people living in ruins and through unfheated one another. But enough about Poland. God, it makes me so irrationally happy just to slander my wife's homeland. I love you, I love you Polish people. You know that back to the Balkans in early October 19th away at the Austro-Hungarian Empire officially annexed the former Ottoman Empire territory of Bosnia, Herzegovina, which had occupied since 1878 and this angered the kingdom of Serbia and his patron. The also Slavic, also East Orthodox, Russian Empire, fucking alliances! Ah, fucking monarchy, all the monarchies of Europe always complicating things back then. You know, as we talked about in previous sucks, this little kingdom is ruled by some dude

who is first cousins with the head of this other little kingdom who just married into being first in line for the throne here and second in the line for the throne there, and on and on and on. You know, it's this, uh, there's this these these various lines of royal succession and constant intermarriage between various royal families Who rule you know various different European countries made things very game of throne dish And the Russian political maneuvering in the region a destabilized existing peace accords that were already fracturing in the Balkans And then in 1912 and 1913 the first Balkan war was fought between the Balkan League and the fracturing Ottoman Empire.

The resulting Treaty of London further shrank the Ottoman Empire, created an independent Albanian state, while enlarging the territorial holdings of Bulgaria, Serbia, Montenegro, Greece, then Bulgaria attacked Serbia and Greece on June 16, 1913. It sparked a 33-day second Balkan war by the end of which it lost most of Macedonia to Serbia and Greece and southern Dubruja, to Romania, further destabilizing this volatile region. The great powers of Europe were able to keep these Balkan conflicts contained at the time, but the next little conflict would spread throughout Europe and beyond and become World

War One. So now let's talk about the exact incident that led to World War One, the fucking match that was throwing all this gun power, the assassination of Marma Duke, an extremely popular cartoon dog whose fake cartoon death led to the death of so many real people. It's not the right duke, you know that. I'm sorry. Let's talk about the assassination of John Wayne, aka the Duke. That's what led Europe into war. John Wayne was an extremely popular fake cowboy who said things like, life is tough, but it's tougher when you're stupid.

And talk low, talk slow, don't talk too much. That's not true, and that's a horrible John Wayne impression. John Wayne was only seven years old and World War One broke out. He didn't, he didn't say those things years later though. No, let's talk about the assassination of the Duke's not true. And that's a horrible John Wayne impression. John Wayne was only seven years old and we're one broke out. He didn't, he did say those things years later though. No, let's talk about the assassination of the Duke's of Hazard. I'm almost positive this one's right. Bowen, Luke, Duke, if I recall,

were gunned down by Boss Hawk and some Bosnian Serbs. Daisy, Duke started wearing mom jeans instead of those high and tight little Daisy, Duke shorts. Well, love. And Eastern Europe lost its collective mind. Where it looks like those Duke boys found themselves stuck in a whole heap of trouble. This time they couldn't get on stuck. They got killed better than a shot hog roasted on a spit and then used for target practice for getting thrown off a cliff.

Daisy she didn't take it down too well and that didn't sit well with the Germans, Russians, Serbs, Crotes or damn near no one. That Duke reference made even less sense than the previous ones. That showed it didn't even come out till one. That Duke reference made even less sense than the previous ones. That showed it didn't even come out till 1979. Our Duke, Franz Ferdinand, like I said earlier, was a Sastan on June 28th, 1914, for sure. That's the right Duke. And this is the event that will kick off

today's giant World War I timeline. Shrap on those boots, soldier. We're marching down a time, time, time, line. So who was Fran's fernan? Well, he was a 50-year-old nephew of Boan Luke Duke. No, don't leave me. He was a 50-year-old nephew of Austro-Hungarian Emperor, Fran's Joseph, a member of the Hossburg Dynasty, one of the most influential

families of Europe, one of those old money families that conspiracy theorists, David Ike and Alex Jones likes to talk about. He was a presumptive heir to the Austro-Hungarian throne and inspector general of the Austro-Hungarian army. And in the capacity of that last position, he agreed to attend some military exercises in June of 1914 in Bosnia, Protskovina. Remember, Austro-Hungary had just annexed these provinces a few years earlier against the 10th and military exercises in June of 1914 in Bosnia, Hrtskovina. Remember Austria-Hungary had just annexed these provinces a few years earlier against the

wishes of neighboring Serbia, which likewise covered them, one of them as well, and Ferdinand hated the Serbs. Ferdinand believed the Serbs to be, quote, pigs, thieves, murderers, and scoundrels. So not a fan. Not a fan. He likes the Yankees. They're the Red Sox. Yet he had opposed annexation

of Serbia out of fear that it would make an already turbulent political situation even worse. And if his uncle had listened to him, he probably would have lived a lot longer. Formerly controlled by the out of an empire, Bosnia, Herzegovina, its population was roughly 40% Serb, 30% Muslim, and 20% croat, with various other ethnicities making up the remainder. And upon learning of Ferdinand's upcoming visit to young Bosnians, a secret revolutionary society of Serbian peasant students wanting to liberate Bosnia, Hertzgovina from Australia, Hungarian control, began plotting to assassinate him. And how is there not a band called the young Bosnians, by the way?

That's a fucking dope name. They could open up for their France Ferdinand, both solid band names in May. And I know that friends Ferdinand is a band, that's why I said it. And may get Rillo Princip, Princip. And fellow Ruvila revolutionaries traveled to the Serbian capital of Belgrade where they received six handheld bombs,

four semi-automatic pistols, cyanide suicide capsules from members of the so-called Black Hand. It's a great day. That's a great band name, the Black Hand. Terrorist group with close ties to the Serbian Army. After practicing with their pistons, the three men, journey back to Bosnia, Herzegovina, receiving help from Black Hand associates, the smolder weapons across the border. To this day, it remains unclear whether or not the Serbian government actually participated

in this scheme. In late June, Ferdinand attended two days of military exercises outside Cereo-Yavo, the morning of June 28th, 1914, friends and his wife Sophie boarded the train for the ride into Cereo-Yavo, the couple got into an open top car for a motorcade, a little ride to city hall. The car in front of them was supposed to carry six specially trained officers, but instead only had one plus 3 local policemen. Meanwhile, 7 young Bosnians found out along the Apple Quay and main avenue in Sarajevo running parallel

to Miyatsky River when the morticade passed by. It's route having been published in advance and associate of Prinship, Nidelko, Chabri, Onovik, Cur bomb or hurled curled his bomb. Hurled his bomb at the car carrying the archduke, only to watch it bounce off the folded up roof, rolling underneath the wrong vehicle. Whoops. A so exploded, subsequent explosion, wounded two army officers, several bystanders,

but left Ferdinand and Sophie essentially unharmed. And then instead of maybe calling off then Ferdinand's like, now we're gonna continue, continue to the planned event at City Hall. Just a bomb, no big deal. Just something to throw in a bomb at me. In order to dissuade any other bomb throwers, they motorcade zip down the apple quay at high speeds,

but then they made a mistake. The first three cars turned onto a side street, right where apprenticeship happened to be standing. It's bad luck. As the car is attempted to reverse back onto the apple quay, apprenticeship whipped at his pistol fire, two shots, he's apparently good shot.

As the arch duke from point blank range, pierced him in the neck and also striking a Sophie in the abdomen. Sophie, Sophie, don't die, stay alive for our children, Ferdinand murmured. And then within minutes, both had passed away. Prinship later admitted to killing Ferdinand, but said he had not meant to ever hit Sophie. Three weeks too young for the death penalty, only 19 years old, apprenticeship was given a 20-year sentence, but contracted tuberculosis and died in jail in April 1918 at the age of 23. Austria-Hungary assumes now that the Serbian government is behind this assassination and quickly gets ally Germany to support them to punish Serbia.

On July 23rd, 1914, Austria-Hungary sends Serbia and ultimatum, worded in a way that made it acceptance very unlikely. You know, they gave Melissa demands, they knew they weren't going to make. Here are some of those demands. One was the banning of Serbian publications, which had been responsible for anti-Austrian propaganda. There's that propaganda that's talking about. The removal of anti-Austrian individuals from the Serbian military, government, and civil service.

The removal of Serbian teachers and curriculum that had promoted or incited anti-Austrian sentiments. The outline and disbanding of the Serbian Nationalist Group noticed the people's defense. A crackdown on cross-border armoured trading and the removal of corrupt border officials. A joint Serbian Austrian investigation into the assassination plot conducted within Serbia by Austrian officials and involving the investigation and interrogation of Serbian civilians and military personnel. Serbia immediately seeks counsel of their ally, the Russians, Zara Nicholas II. I remember him from the Rasputin Sec. His ministers offered to, he and his ministers offered to publicly condemn the ultimatum, but also they're aware that Russia's military readiness lagged behind Germany's so they refused to give any military

guarantees. The British Foreign Minister tries to avert war by organizing a mediation conference between all nations with a stake in the crisis. This is rejected by both Berlin and Vienna. The British are the most reluctant to engage in war at this time because less than 20 years prior, they made it through the second board war in South Africa that lasted from 1899 to 1902 and they were not as eager to fight. The cost of war still fresh in their minds. They'd lost over 20,000 soldiers, roughly another 25,000 wounded and millions of millions

of pounds that it cost to engage a prolonged conflict. Serbia infuriated but hesitant to engage the much larger Austro-Hungarian empire in battle responds to the Austrian ultimatum just before the expiration of the deadline. Serbia submits to most of the demands, but rejects that Austrian led inquiry. They're not going to have just some Austrians come in their country and, you know, and just ask a bunch of questions without the Serbian being there right there with them. The Serbs proclaimed that their government gave no moral or material support to print up on the other assassins.

Serbia proposes arbitration, neutral arbitration to resolve the dispute, Austria not interested. Austro, Hungarian emperor, friends, Joseph pressured by his military advisors, then declares war on Serbia on July 28th, 1914, exactly a month after Ferdinand's death. And shit is on! The declaration of war triggers a chain reaction that drags virtually all of Europe into war, all those fucking alliances. Russia, a long time protector of Serbia, responds first by mobilizing its forces against

Austria-Hungary, basically immediately after Austria's war declaration. Three days later in August 1st, Germany responds to Russia's mobilization against Austria-Hungary by declaring war on Russia. Germany launches their much anticipated Schleifenplan, that scheme to invade France, and then Russia the following day on August 2nd. They are ready to go. August 3rd, Germany officially declares war on France, ally of Russia. Germany also invades Belgium, which had remained neutral. Britain allied with Belgium, immediately sends an ultimatum to Germany to withdraw or else and on August

4th, 2014, Germany tells Britain to suck its dick. It says, and I quote, take your bangles and mash bang them right up your Queen Mums ass. As long as force nigger again, I can pop in. That's not an exact quote, but they did toss aside the ultimatum and refused to withdraw. Britain then declares war on Germany, starting to feel like a game of risk, isn't it? The United States officially declares to remain neutral at this time. Also on August 4th, the siege of Liege

begins as Germans attack the Belgian fortress city, but meet resistance from Belgian troops inside the Liege forts. They're neutral, but they're not just laying down, right? They do have an army. Over the next week and a half, the 12 forts surrounding the city are bombarded into submission by German

and Austrian hawardsers using high explosive shells. Remaining Belgian troops retreat northward towards Antwerp as the German westward advance continues. On August 6th, the Austro-Hungarian Empire officially declares war on Russia and accordance with their alliance with Germany, also on the 6th, French and British troops invade the German colony of Togo and West Africa, spread to another continent now, 20 days later the German governor there are surrenders. On August 7th, 1916, the first British troops landed France. The 120,000 highly trained members of the regular British army from the British expeditionary force, B-E-F, commanded by Field Marshal John French. And before we go any further

this timeline, if you're thinking holy shit, that's a lot of dudes. 120,000. Yeah, me too. So let me, let me take a second to toss some more numbers your way to give you an idea of the true size of the militaries of each of the major players here at the start of the war. Here are the total numbers of the combined standing and reserve soldiers for each of World War I's major European combatants as of August 1914, in order of most to least. So Russia has almost 6 million soldiers, 5 million, 971,000 to start the war. My god, although to be fair, the overwhelming majority of these soldiers not highly trained by the wars end, roughly 12 million soldiers will have fought for Russia.

Germany starts with 4.5 million soldiers. By the end, it'll have mobilized 11 million. France opens up with a little over four million. It'll suit up eight and a half by 1918. Austro-Hungarian empire, four and a half million troops to start. Finish the war with almost eight million young men send into battle. Italy has just over one and a quarter million to begin the war. It'll end with five and a half million fighting.

Britain has just under a million troops in 1914 will have sent just under nine million to either fight or defend by 1918. Various other nations, Romania, Serbia, Greece, Bulgaria, Montenegros, Turkey, etc. will start with anywhere from around 50,000 to 30000 troops and with anywhere from 50,000 to nearly three million. Poland, zero troops. Yeah, fuck it. This is awkward. Poland has zero troops at the beginning and end of the war because at this time, not trying to be a dick, but not a real country, not a real country at that time. The war would produce somewhere around 65 million total veterans, including those who are wounded or would give their life for their country. And as the war gets going, it's important to note that alliances would continue to shift

directly before the war, the two major signs of the triple-entente, you know, France, Britain, and Russia, and the triple- alliance of Germany, the Austro-Hungarian Empire and Italy. Once the war begins, the two sides are becoming known as the Allied and Central Powers. Italy will actually end up bailing on Germany and Austria-Hungry and join the Allies. There's more ships. And now back to August 7th, though. So, okay. So, August 7th, 1914, the French desire to score a quick victory ignites the first

major French German action of the war. The French army invades Alessas and Lauren, according to their master's strategy, knows plan 17. However, the French offensive is met by effective German counterattacks using heavy artillery, machine guns, and French suffer heavy casualties, including 27,000 soldiers killed in a single day. The worst one day death toll in the history of the French army. The French then fall back towards Paris amid 300,000 total casualties. Man, 25,000 in a single day. This is before tanks enter the war.

This is before planes enter the war. This is artillery fire, rifle fire, hand-dand combat, trench warfare, not even begun, not quite yet. Great Britain and France declared war on Austria-Hungary on August 12th. Serbia is invaded by Austria-Hungary. Russia invades Germany on August 17th, attacking into East Prussia, forcing the outnumbered Germans there to fall back.

This marks the advent of the Eastern Front in Europe in which Russia will oppose Germany and Austria-Hungary. Man, location, location, location. So important in both real estate and in war. Being sandwiched in between Russia and the major powers of Western Europe would bite Germany in the ass in both world wars. Russia for example, you know, it can fight a war in Europe on only one front.

Germany obviously due to the central European location could not do that, but they didn't care. You know, just bring it to Russia Bring it to rest of Europe. I can thank you all. I can deadlift all of Western Europe and then I can grab Mother Russia by her saggy babushka breasts rip off the earth from beneath his feet. It's my power for biceps I will be military press all the weaklings in the Scandinavia I was just blatant in the Arnold Schwarzenegger at that point. That had nothing to do with anything. August 20th, Germany, Germany troops occupied undefended Brussels, capital of Belgium. Following this, the main German armies continue westward, invade France, according to their

master's strategy, that whole Schleefenplan, which called for a giant counterclockwise movement of German armies wheeling into France, swallowing up Paris, then attacking the rear of the French armies, concentrated in the Alasastol, Lauren area. Under the overall command of Helmuth von Mulk, chief of the German general staff, the German Sikh to achieve victory over France within six weeks. Right? That whole 42 days, then focus on defeating Russia in the East before Russia's 6 million man army, the world's largest can fully mobilize.

Japan declares war on Germany August 23rd, 1914. The Japanese then prepare to assist the British in expelling the Germans from the Far East. German possessions in the South Pacific include a naval base on the coast of China, part of New Guinea, Samoa, the Caroline, Marshall, and Mariana Islands. Japan would start the war with the standing army of roughly 800,000 soldiers and mobilize all of them by 1918. On the Eastern Front, German troops in East Prussia under the command of Paul von Hindenburg and Eric Ludendorff opposed the Russian Second Army.

This is in August 26th, 1914, aided by Ariel Reconnaissance and the interception of uncoded Russian radio messages that Germans effectively reposition their troops to counter the initial Russian advance, and what becomes known as the Battle of Tannenberg. Five days later, after surrounding the Russians, the battle ends with German victory and the capture of 125,000 Russians. Following the success the Germans drive the Russians out of East Prussia with heavy casualties. German possessions in the far east are attacked as New Zealand troops occupied German Samoa. Three days later, Japanese forces land on the coast

to China preparing to attack the German naval base at Xingtao. A month later, the Japanese began their occupation of the Caroline Marshall and Maryana Islands. September 5th, 1914, the Treaty of London, signed by great Britain, France, and the Russian Empire, officially now linking them as the major European Allied powers. The Western Front Paris is saved as French and British troops disrupt the Schleaf and

plan by launching a major counteroffensive against the invading German armies to the east of Paris. 600 taxi caps from the city helped to move French troops to the front lines, aided by French aerial reconnaissance which reveals a gap that is developed in the center of the whole German advance. The French and British exploit this weakness and press their advantage. The Germans then begin a strategic withdrawal

toward the Allies. Toward northward as the Allies pursue, each aid repeatedly tries to outmaneuver the other. He and a tactical advantage as they move northward and what becomes known as the race to the sea. A pretty cool man that they're using modern cars now and in planes and before we go further with dates and battles Let's take it. Let's talk a bit about how World War One was fought. You know like what kind of weapons? What kind of warfare right after a quick word from a sponsor?

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slash time suck. That's F-O-R-H-I-M-S dot com slash time suck for him, dot com slash time suck, link in the old episode of Description. Now let's talk about those World War One weapons. The first World War when it came to weaponry was reflection of the industrial revolution that the world was going through at this time. Key to winning the war was your side's ability to modernize more quickly, more effectively than your enemy. The British Army, for example, was the first army to introduce tanks. Plains were used in war for the first time, flame throwers, poison gas, tracer boats for night battles,

death charges, aircraft carriers, submarines, trench warfare, and more introduced in World War I. Let's first talk about trench warfare, some nasty shit, kind of the defining type of combat for World War I. Trench warfare born during the first battle of Maarn in early September 1914. This battle also introduced a concept of automotive transport into war. We just talked about that. When roughly 3000 infantrymen were transported, I.e. driven into battle from Paris to be those 600 taxis, just Uber and right on into war, the Maarn is less than 160 kilometers, less than 100 miles northeast to Paris.

The Germans had just made it within 30 miles or 48 kilometers from Paris, just prior to this battle with French army, the French army joined by the British expeditionary force, began to push them back. However, French leaders soon realized that they pushed back too hard towards Germany, following their strategy of plan 17.

The Germans could mobilize around, they could push right on through the German army, and then Germany could sneak back towards Paris, and then surround them, cut them off from behind. Also German leaders realized that if they pushed too quickly into France following their sleep in plan, they risked the possibility of French and British forces kind of doing the same thing to them, cut them through the middle of the ranks, separating advancing armies from supply trains, cutting them off.

So both sides decided to kind of change up their strategies. As the Germans retreated, the French and British did nearly encircle them, but the Germans were able to make it north of the sign river. They dug defensive trenches to prevent the British and French from pushing them back into Belgium and it worked. And I'm not sure about the pronunciation of that river. I looked up most these words, but there was a fucking million words this week. See, when you fucking countries, but it's as as as knee of knee, river, as any. For you pronunciation staglers. However, the British and then the French, okay,

so yeah, they push them, sorry. So they get north this river, and they start digging defensive trenches to prevent the British and France, from pushing them back into Belgium, it works. It saves their armies. However, then the British and then the French, they dig trenches to prevent the Germans from pushing them back into Belgium. It works. It saves our armies. However, then the British and then the French, they dig trenches to prevent the Germans

from pushing further back towards Paris at a later date. Now they have this fucked up stalemate that would just last four years. Forward moving strategies such as head-on infantry attacks were no longer effective or feasible against modern weaponry, like these machine gun nest and these trenches and heavy artillery. And before the trenches, over 250,000 soldiers on each side would die in less than a week of fighting. And this little conflict here, this battle, holy shit, man, half a million men dead in less than a week, mostly from artillery fire. Early trenches were little more than foxholes or ditches intended to provide a measure

of protection during short battles, but then as the stalemate continued, you know, became obvious that a more elaborate system was needed. And then the first major trench lines were completed in November 1914. By the end of the year, of that year, they stretched 475 miles, almost 500 miles worth of gigantic war ditches. Uh, starting at the North Sea, runs through Belgium and northern France, ending in the Swiss frontier. Although the specific construction of a trench was determined by local terrain, most were built according to the same basic design. The front wall of the trench, known as the Parapet, averaged 10 feet high. Lying with sandbags from top to bottom, the Parapet also featured two or three feet of sandbags stacked above ground level. These provided protection,

but also obscured a soldier's view. A ledge known as the fire step was built into the lower part of the ditch. A lot of soldiers to step up and see over the top, usually through a peephole between sandbags when he's ready to fire his weapon. Parascopes and mirrors were also used to see above the sandbags. The rear wall of the trench known as the pardos, excuse me, Pardos, was lying to sandbags as well protecting against a rear assault. Because constant shell-in and frequent rainfall could cause the trench walls to collapse,

they were reinforced with sandbags, logs, branches, whatever they could find. Think of all the work that went into that. Just dig in and cut and stack in and haul while you're being attacked by the enemy. Trenches were dug in a zigzag pattern. So that if the enemy entered the trench, they couldn't just fire straight down the line. You know, just couldn't set up a machine gun and just fucking blast people for as far as the bullets could travel.

A typical trench system included a line of three or four trenches. The front line, also called the outpost of the fire line, the support trench, the reserve trench, all built parallel to one another and anywhere from 100 to 400 yards apart. And the main trench lines were connected by communicating trenches. Man, just amazed, allowing for the movement of messages, supplies, soldiers, protected by fields of dense, barbed wire, the fire line was located at varying distances from

the German's front line, usually anywhere between 50 and 300 yards. Think about that 50 yards from the enemy for years. 50 yards from thousands and thousands of men desperately wanting to kill you. The area between the two armies frontlines was known as No Man's Land. Some trenches contained dugouts below the level of the trench floor. Often as deep as 20 or 30 feet. Most of these underground rooms were a little more than crude sellers, but some, especially those farther back from the front, offered more conveniences such as beds, furniture, or stoves.

Because these guys, you know, they're there for years. The German dugouts were considerably more sophisticated. One dugout captured in the Psalm Valley in 1916 was found to have toilets, electricity, ventilation, and even wallpaper. They were just like, yeah, we're going to be here a while. Just set up shop. Can you imagine fighting trenches like that? That close to so many members of the

enemy. Man, if you can't imagine, just listen to this following account from a dude who is there. A dude who fought in the trenches that did not have toilets like Triste ventilation wall paper. I'd like to introduce you to one Horace Pippen. Horace Pippen was an American artist classified in 1947 by art critic Elaine Locke as a real and rare genius Combining folk quality with artistic maturity. So uniquely, it's almost to defy classification His work has been featured in New York City's Metropolitan Museum of Art San Francisco Museum of Modern Art The Philadelphia Museum of Art so many more places. He would die of a stroke A respected and successful artist in 1946 at the age of 58 back in 1917 Horus was just a 19-year-old kid fighting in World War I trenches who kept a diary of what he went through.

On June 1, 1917, not long after the US would enter the war, Pippin volunteered for the 15th New York National Guard, later Christian III, the 369th Regiment, and nicknamed the Harlem Hell Fighters. The Harlem Hell Fighters were an African-American infantry unit in World War One who spent more time in combat than any other American unit. Pippin poured out his war memories into a few small kind of composition notebooks, filling Page after Page with this tidy handwriting offer in a rare first person account of the harrowing combat experience of French warfare.

His unit landed on the Atlantic coast of France in July of 1917. They were assigned to the infantry under General John J. Blackjack Pershing. The man we talked about in the Pancho Viyasak. If you recall, General Pershing and 5,000 U.S. soldiers hunted Pancho near the Mexican border in 1960. With the French looking to the U.S. to help replenish their badly depleted armies, Pershing handed the 369th over to assist them. Seeing the shadi equipment, given to America's Black Troops,

the French re-kitted the Hell fighters with French rifles, helmets, belts, gas masks, canteens with wine. They also beefed up the 369th military training and trench construction, machine gun operation, construction use of grenades, preparations for a gas attack. What a bad assed unit name, by the way, the Hell fighters. That's a name

you can be proud of, you know? Like how much would a suck if your buddies joined the war and wrote you, you know, told you how they just joined the Hell Fighters and then you sign up and you get stuck in like the Lil Fellas. Like what division are you in? I'm the Lil Fellas or like the Dingle berries. Maybe like the squirrel nipples Hey, buddy just put it in the devil's fist brigade who'd you get assigned to? Ha Maybe I'll be fighting with the squirrel nipples. I got work with the squirrel nipples squirrel nipples. That's terrible name Who came up with that? I don't know Rocky. Not me

Can't at least call you Satan squirrel nipples. I know, I know. I don't even think that's better really. People would write, we were all in the dugout when the shells were dropping all around our trench. Soon as we came out of our dugout, I could smell gas. I looked around me and I seen that they had all, that they all had their gas mass on. Every step we took, a shell would land somewhere near the trench.

He wanted to describe how mortar shells caved in parts of the trench, forcing them to quote, fallen their bellies and crawl like worms to the muck. He wrote about poisonous gas clouds pushed on them by the Germans. They could be so thick, he wrote that it all looked blue. The Germans put so much gas in one place and it was so thick that it looked like fog. When the artillery opened up, he wrote, you would have thought the world was coming to an end to see those shells bursting in the night, the gas, dust and smoke was terrible. Men laying all over wounded and dead,

some being carried. We wished we could help the wounded, but we couldn't. We had to leave them there and keep advancing, ducking from shell hole to shell hole all day. Oh my God, man. Just hearing people literally in their fucking death rattles, agony, you're just marching past them,

knowing that you might be next at any second and just doing that hour after hour, poison gas all around you, the constant explosion of shells, it's fucking hell, it's fucking hell on earth. Yeah, I mean, I mean, and so many men fought like Pippin' and fought in those trenches for years, that 475 miles,

765 kilometers of trenches. That's just in the western front alone. Life in the trenches, you know, nightmarish. Man, heavy rainfall would flood the trenches, create impassable muddy conditions. The mud not only made it difficult to get from one place to another, it also had more dire consequences. Many times, soldiers became trapped in thick, deep mud and unable to free themselves, they would just literally drown to death in the mud.

The pervading precipitation created other difficulties, trench walls, collapsed, rifles jam, soldiers would fall victim to the much dreaded trench foot. A condition similar to frostbite, trench foot develops as a result of men being forced to stand in water for several hours, even days with no chance to remove wet boots and socks. An extreme case is gangrene would develop in a soldier's toes or even his entire foot would have to be amputated because it was just rotten, literally rotten. Huge bummer.

Huge bummer. If you get assigned to the squirrel nipples and then lose both of your feet to trenchfoot, even worse if you don't actually see combat. You know, you get sent to a regiment with the fucking dumb name, standing in a cold ditch two or three months and get both your feet removed and sent back home without even a cool story to tell Even worse heavy rains were not sufficient to wash away the filth the foul order of human waste all the shit literal shit in the trenches decaying corpses Not only do these unsanitary conditions continue to spread disease They attracted an enemy despised by both sides. The rat huge rat problem in the trenches just fucking tens of thousands of rats. They share in the trenches with soldiers, even more horrifying. They would feed upon the remains

of the dead. Soldiers would shoot them out of disgust and frustration only to watch the rats continue to multiply for the duration of the war. Now a picture in that poor little fellow from the squirrel nipples regiment watching a rat and on his gangers, trench foot. This shit case is getting worse. That's imaginary dude. Other vermin that played the troops included head and body lights, mites, scabies, massive swarms of flies. As terrible as the sights and smells were for the men to endure, the deffing noises that

surrounded them during heavy shelling were probably even more terrifying. In the midst of heavy barrage, dozens of shells per minute could land in the trench causing ear splitting explosions. Few men could remain calm under the circumstances and many, many, many soldiers suffered emotional nervous breakdowns. Additional diseases such as trench fever and infection caused by lice feces, louse feces, trench nephratus and inflammation of the kidneys

also could occur because there's no other common medical problem caused significant loss of manpower. So the trenches were the fucking worst. Now let's talk about tanks. The leading military mine that brought the tank to World War One was British Lieutenant Colonel Ernest Swinton. 1914 he proposed the development of a new type of armored fighting vehicle because they're actually were armored vehicles previous to the tank. The Germans, British, Austrians, Russians,'re actually were armored vehicles previous to the tank. The Germans, the British, Austrians, Russians, French, all had armored vehicles that could fight a normal terrain.

The outside of the Great War, but then if things get muddy, you gotta have these trenches to worry about, you need a tank. Swinton would oversee development of the first true tank. They would have a top speed of four miles per hour on flat land. Man, that's a, say, then move quick.

The ability to turn sharply at top speed, I love it top speed. They included that. It's gonna go four miles an hour, but we have to be sure that when it's hauling ass, when it's, you know, all the way, when the pedal's down to the floor and it's going at four miles an hour, it still has to be able to turn kind of quick. Had the ability to climb a five foot pair of putt, the ability to cross an eight foot gap so it could just roll on over most trenches, working radius of 20 miles, crew of 10 men with two machine guns on board, one light artillery gun.

By 1918, Britain and France had produced 6,500 tanks, 6,500, 6, actually, between them. Germany had produced just 20. However, Germany would learn to deal with World War I tanks very effectively during the battle of Amiens in 1918, 72% of Allied tanks were destroyed in just four days. Six days before the end of World War I, the British tank corps only had eight tanks left total. One of the enduring hallmarks of World War I was the large-scale use of chemical weapons, commonly called gas. Just simply gas. Chemical warfare, man, terrifying. An enemy coming for you that you cannot stab, you cannot shoot, you cannot bomb

when the snace into your lungs, when you can't even always smell or see before it gets in there, it's like getting attacked by ghosts. Although chemical warfare caused less than 1% of the total deaths in the war. The fear factor was formidable. Several chemical weapons were modernized in World War I and France. Actually it was the first to use gas, they deployed tear gas in August 1914. It would just irritate the eyes, cause uncontrolled tearing. Large doses could even cause temporary blindness, make breathing difficult, but most symptoms

go away in like 30 minutes or less. So not very effective as a weapon against large groups, enemy soldiers. The Germans debuted chlorine gas in Belgium in April 1915. Chlorine is a diatomic gas, about two and a half times denser than air. Pale green in color with an odor, which was described as a mix of pineapple and pepper, it can react with water in the lungs to form hydrochloric acid, which destroys tissue and can quickly lead to death, or at least permanent lung tissue damage and disability. At lower concentrations, it can cause coughing, vomiting,

eye irritation, chlorine was deadly against unprotected soldiers, estimated over 1100 were killed iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, iron, I have to know you know you're not having fun fighting you got you got p-rag covering your mouth to keep you alive Additionally releasing the gas in a cloud post problems as the British learn to their detriment when they attempted to use chlorine at lose and The wind shifted carry the gas back under their own men. That's fucking that sucks

Launch a big gas attack on the enemy and then you have the wind change. Oh take that you German scoundrels Tell the Kaiser that Tell them that's what. Oh, buddy, hell is most unpleasant. Tell the Kaiser to please send help. We've just cast ourselves. The wind being able to change is the is the also the reason that the British stopped using kites in battle. The little fellas kite regiments suffered a horrible defeat when they tried sending bomb

carrying kites. Oh, I'm gonna stop. That was dumb. when they tried sending bomb carrying kites. Oh, I'm gonna stop. That was dumb. Ah, ah, ah, anyways, the Germans tested phosphine, carbonyl dichlorite. Next in December 1915, phosphine does color his gas with an odor, liking to that of musty hay.

But for the odor to be detectable, the concentration had to be 0.4 parts per million several times higher than the lethal level. Phosphine is highly toxic due to stability to react with proteins in the alveole of the lungs, disrupting the blood air barrier leading to suffocation. That's not fun. Man, you just can't breathe all of a sudden. Phosphine, much more effective in deadly than chlorine. One drawback that was a symptoms could sometimes take up to 48 hours to manifest.

So estimated that as many as 85% of the 91,000 gas deaths in World War 1 result of phosphine or related agent, uh, dye phosphine. Most commonly used gas in World War I was mustard gas and pure liquid form its color is but in World War I, in pure forms we use which had a mustard color. So I gave it this name, uh, irritant, strong vesicant blister forming agent. It causes chemical burns on contact. Blisters oozing yellow fluid. That's fun. Initial exposure is symptomless, and by the time skin irritation begins, it's too late to take preventative measures.

Now the mortality rate for mustard gas, only 2% to 3%. But those who suffered chemical burns and respiratory problems were immobilized. They were taken out of the war. It led to long hospitalizations. If they recovered, they were also thought to be at risk for developing, you know, higher risk for developing cancer later in their lifetime. The first World War military submarines made a significant impact for the first time. The German U-boats enjoyed a great deal of success, responsible for destroying around half of all the food and supplies transported by the British merchant navy during the war. U-boat is an abbreviation for untracee boat.

Untracee boat! Untracee boat! Which when translated into English means undersea boat. So you're welcome. When that comes up on jeopardy or some bar trivia night, what is the abbreviation for undersea boat Alex? When the first world war began, the German armed forces had 29, one-thirty boats, 29 U-boats, a third disposal.

In the first 10 weeks of the conflict, they sang five British cruisers. Between October 1916 and January 1917, a grand total of 1.4 million tons of allied shipping was lost to U-boats. U-boat attacks. These losses were eventually curtailed when the allies introduced escorted convoys with

merchant ships surrounded by military vessels. During World War I Germany built 360 youboat submarines 178 of which were lost and total they were responsible for the loss of more than 11 million tons of Allied shipping. Let's talk about planes. Nullian-advented airplane entered World War I as well. The age of the fighter jets. Right at the beginning of it. Dog fights, initially an observer though,

of enemy activity in 1914. The importance of the information gathered by this new technological innovation was made evident to all the belligerents in the opening days of the conflict. The equal importance of preventing the enemy from accomplishing this mission was also apparent, right? So it's like, oh cool, we can go spy on these guys, find out what to put our troops,

but then you're like, ah, fuck shit. I just got passed by some other plane doing the same thing for the enemy. How can we get rid of that guy? Well, the French were the first to develop an effective solution to spy planes on April 1, 1915. French pilot. What I say, pilot? French pilot, Roland Garros, due to the tennis tournament, was named after. The first person to cross the Mediterranean via the sky, took to the air in an airplane armed with a machine gun that would fire through its propeller. This feat was accomplished by protecting the lower section

of the propeller blades with steel armor plates that deflected any bullets that might strike the blades. Crude solution, but it worked. On his first flight, Garyro's down to German observation planes. Yeah, if I could take that spy plane, it became a national hero and his total of five enemy kills,

some historians do think it was four, but whatever. That became the benchmark for an air ace. You got to, if you shoot down five, you're an ace. However, on April 19th, Garellis was forced down behind enemy lines and a secret revealed to the Germans and then Dutch aircraft manufacturer Anthony Focker, whose factory was nearby,

was immediately summoned to inspect the plane. The Germans ordered Falker to return, I think it'll meet the parents now, come on Falker. The Germans ordered Falker to return to his factory duplicate the French machine gun and demonstrate it to them within 48 hours. That was a stressful 48 hours, that's not a bitch. He did what he was told and then some aware

that the French device was crude and when ultimately result in damaging the propeller, Falker as engineers looked for a better solution and the result was the machine gun whose rate of fire was controlled by the turning of the propeller. The synchronization assured that the Bose would pass harmlessly just through the space in between the propeller blade, which is amazing to me,

that they had that level of technological innovation back in 1915. The airplane no longer just an observer of the war. Now, it's a full-fledged participant in the carnage of conflict. By the end of the war, crude bombers also began to be used. Actually, blimps were used throughout the war as bombers. And then anti-aircraft guns were created to counteract flight warfare. Each innovation of war would create another.

Let's talk about machine guns. Machine gun, an important weapon in World War I. When General War began in August 1941, 1914, excuse me, machine guns of all armies largely of the very heavy variety decidedly ill-suited for portability by rapidly advancing infantry troops. Each weighed somewhere in the 30 to 60 kilogram range, 66 to 132 pounds, and that's without their mounting,

carriages and supplies. The 1914 machine gun usually positioned on a flat tripod would require a gun crew of four to six operators. In theory, they could fire 400 to 600 small caliber rounds per minute, a figure that was to more than double by the war's end with rounds fed via a fabric belt or a metal strip. However, machine gun still jam frequently,

especially in hot conditions are when used by inexperienced operators. Consequently, machine guns would often be grouped together to maintain a constant defensive position, especially in those trenches. Excuse me, estimates of their equivalent accurate rifle firepower would vary with some estimates. Estimating a single machine gun was basically worth as many as 60 to 100 rifles. 80 is usually the most consensual figure there, very, very impressive.

When the war broke out in August 1914, the Germans had 12,000 machine guns at their disposal, a number which would eventually blow into 100,000. In contrast, the British and French had access to a mere few hundred machine guns when the war began. And then as the war went on, they would get a little bit lighter and the rate of firepower a little bit greater. And then the flame thrower might be the scariest weapon debuted in World War I.

Brought terror to French and British soldiers when used by the German army and the early phases of the First World War. The basic idea of a flame thrower, just to spread fire by launching burning fuel. Pretty simple, pretty horrific. I think I would rather be shot or drowned and burned to death. The earliest flame thrower's data is far back

is the fifth century BC. These took the form of lengthy tubes filled with burning solids like a coal sulfur shot or ground and burned to death. The earliest flamethrowers data is far back as the fifth century BC. These took the form of lengthy tubes filled with burning solids like coal, sulfur, and we're used the same way that blow guns were used. You have to blow into one end of the tube, and then the solid material inside would be propelled towards the enemy.

The flamethrower was inevitably refined over the intervening centuries. The German army tested two models of flamethrower in the early 1900s. One large, one small, both developed by this man, Richard Firestarter-Feedler. That was the Disney game, but probably should have been. The smaller, lighter Flamethrower was designed for portable use carried by a single man. Under pressurized air and carbon dioxide are nitrogen.

It belched forth a stream of burning oil for as much as 18 meters or 60 feet. So you can 60 feet of flame. Fielders second larger model worked along the same lines, but was not suitable for transport by a single person. But the maximum range was twice that of the smaller model. It could sustain flames for an impressive 40 seconds, shoot them over 100 feet for over 30 seconds. What a terrible thing to see coming towards you, man.

Just watch them burnin' alive, screamin' bloody murder. The first notable use of the flame to where it came in a surprise attack launched by the Germans upon the British at Hoogin, Flonders. Spring and Fourth July, in a surprise attack launched by the Germans upon the British at Huge in Flunders. Spring and Fourth to July 30th, 1915, the Germans made effective use of the portable Flamethrower with gas cylinders strapped to the back of men responsible for the use of the instrument. Light and nozzle attached to each cylinder.

The effect of the effect of the dangerous nature of the surprise attack proved terrifying to the British opposition, although their line initially pushed back with stabilized later the same night. In that first flamethrower battle in two days, though, of severe fighting, the British lost 31 officers and 751 other soldiers to flames. Nah! And the Germans would use these weapons

for the remainder of the war. The British intrigued by the possibilities offered by flamethrowers also experimented with them and readiness for one particular offensive, they constructed four sizeable models, weighing two tons each. It went big. And they just built them directly into a trench constructed in No Man's Land. A mere 60 yards from the German line, they're just going to burn them out of their trench. But it took forever to construct these things. And then sometimes they were destroyed by shell fire when they were trying to build them.

Highly effective at clearing that first level of trenches, but then, you know, then they're fucking stuck there. They weigh a couple of tons. You can't move. So they didn't really use them after that. Similarly, the French developed their own portable one-man flamethrower using trench attacks in 1917, 1918. Getting burned alive at a trench.

Sounds like hell. True hell, man. During the war, the Germans launched an excess of 650 flame throw attacks and then no numbers exist for British and French attack but thought to be quite a bit lower. So all these weapons, so many others new man, compare these weapons to the last major European war, the Franco-Prussian war. Dude still fighting a lot of them with bolt-action rifles, which I know some guys still use the World War One as well, or a lot of guys. But that was like more primary earlier, Bayonets, old school cannons, cavalry, you know, still an important piece of one's army.

There were machine guns, but really effective ones or ineffective ones, you know, prior to World War I, there were giant machine guns that broke down so frequently, it was so hard to load or so misunderstood as how to use them that they were just really kind of worked theoretically. And now it's war on steroids, gas, flames, gas flames tanks planes fighting the sky for the first time submarines you know. A laverit trenches millions and millions of men involved in the fight odds are thanks to modern tech smart bombs needed weapons all that stuff will never see a war like this

again thank god not not guys battling out in a giant sprawling battlefields like like this one. Okay so now let's get back to it. Now you know about the weaponry, award-war one. Let's get back to the progression of the battles right after a word from our last sponsor of the day. Today's time stock is brought to you by a way travel. I get so many compliments on my away carry on suitcase or for my away care.

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Thank you. Now back to our battle timeline. Now that we know a little bit more about weaponry. September of 1914, the British, French, and Germans had begun digging tunnels into Northeastern France. And the Far East, the German naval squadron, commanded by a graph on spree, severed the British Pacific communications cable. On the eastern front, September 17th, Austrian forces steadily retreat from the advancing

Russian third and eighth armies, fighting in southern Polish territory, along the Russian Austrian border. The Germans then send the newly formed ninth army to halt the Russians. This marks the beginning of a pattern in which the Germans will aid the weaker Austro-Austro Hungarian army. This marks the beginning of a pattern in which the Germans will aid the weaker Austro-Austro-Hungarian Army. So, 10th or 22nd, the first ever British air raid against Germany occurs as Zeppelin bases at Cologne and Dusseldorf, abombed, October 19th, still hoping to score a quick victory in the west German's launch to major attack on Eprese and Belgium, despite heavy losses,

British French and Belgium troops fend out the attack in the Germans do not break through. During the battle, the Germans send waves of inexperienced 17 to 20-year-old volunteer soldiers. Some fresh out of school, they advance shoulder to shoulder while singing patriotic songs, only to be systematically gunned down and what the Germans themselves would later call the massacre of the innocents. By November, overall casualties will be 250,000 men, including nearly half of the British regular army. Holy shit.

The Ottoman Empire, Turkey enters the war October 29th on the side of the Germans as three warships shell the Russian port of Odessa. Three days later, Russia declares war on Turkey, Russian and Turkish troops then prepare for battle along the common border of the Russian caucus in the Ottoman Empire. October, November 1914, Germans and Austrians launched combined offensive against the Russians on the Eastern front. The German 9th Army targets Warsaw, Poland, but is opposed by six Russian armies and withdraws. The Austrians attacked the Russians in Galicia, province of northeast Austria, with indecisive

results. However, the Russians failed to press their advantage of Warsaw and instead began a split counter-offensive, moving both southward against the Austrians in Galicia and probably Galicia and northward toward Germany. The German ninth army then regrups and cuts off the Russians at Lotz Poland, halting their advance force in an eastward withdrawal by the Russians. November 1st, Austria invaded Serbia. This is the third attempt to conquer the Serbs and retaliation for the assassination of Franz Ferdinand. The attempt to fit, uh, fails like the two before it. At the hands of highly motivated Serbs fighting on their home turf, the Austrians withdraw in mid-December

after suffering over 220,000 casualties from the three failed invasions. The British Navy suffered its worst defeat in centuries during a sea battle in the Pacific on November 1st. Two British ships, the Monmouth and the Good Hope are sunk with no survivors by a German squadron commanded by Admiral Graf von Spie. November 5th, France and Britain declared war on the Ottoman Empire. November 6th in the Persian Gulf, a major British offensive begins as a 6th Indian division invades Mesopotamia. The objective is to protect the oil pipeline from Persia two weeks later they capture the city of Basra. November 7th in the far east the German naval base at Xingtao is captured by the Japanese,

aided by a British and Indian battalion. December 1914 the western front in Europe stabilizes in the aftermath of the first battle of Eprese. As the Germans go on the defensive and transfer troops to the east to fight the Russians the 450 mile long Western front stretches from the Channel Coast southward to Belgium and eastern France into Switzerland truth from both sides as we discuss you know the construct of opposing transportifications, you know protecting with bar wire machine gun nest snipers mortars. The 600 mile Eastern Front stretches from the Baltic Sea southward through East Prussia and Austria to the Carpathian Mountains. The Battle of the Foxen Islands occurs in December 8th, 1914. The British Navy warships destroyed the German squadron of Admiral Graft von Spie

and the South Atlantic off the coast of Argentina, von Spie and two sons serving in his squadron are killed in this battle. December 16th Britain suffers its first civilian casualties. At home in the war as the German Navy bombards the coastal towns of Whitby, Hardlepool, and Scarborough, killing 40 persons and wounding hundreds. And then on December 25th, Christmas Day, a Christmas truce occurs between German and British soldiers in the trenches of northern France. All shooting stops as the soldiers exit their trenches. I'm not making

this up. Exchange gifts, sing Christmas carols and engage in a soccer game. This will be the only Christmas truce of the war, as Allied commanders subsequently forbid fraternization with orders to shoot any violators. How fucking crazy is that? This is still 1914. The war has barely begun. Half a year old. How weird to is that? This is still 1914, the war has barely begun. Half a year old. How weird to pop out of trenches exchange gifts, place soccer with the guys you've been shooting at for months. What, what did you get me?

Oh, it's nothing, they'll jump. Ah, what is this? I'm pretty sure it's your year. Now remember, I sliced it off when I jumped into a trench a few months back and attacked you at the bayonet. Oh, that's right. Thank you for giving me my ear back. I wish I had something good to give back to you as well.

Now this is great, my best friend's helmet. Thanks for giving it back. You have to jump in the trench with me and your blue is bloody head off. Let's sing some songs. Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree, how lovely are the branches? Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree Christmas tree will die in these trenches. Fucking insane. Fucking insane.

What a weird thing to do. And then the next day, right back to trying to kill these people. I was getting in 1915, a year, two of the Great War. The initial Turkish offensive in the Russia is thwarted as the Turkish Third Army suffice it, suffers a defeat by the Russian army of the Caucasus, near cars, the Russians then began a multi-pronged invasion of the Ottoman Empire from the Caucasus.

Caucasus is fucking goddamnish words. So many fucking words in this one, Jesus. This is sucking me a lot of anxiety. January 9th, 1915, Germany begins an aerial bombing campaign against Britain using zeppelins, bombing, Britain with blimps. How weird is that? How terrifying is that? I guess it scared the shit out of the average people. Seeing this giant fucking armored balloon,

this death balloon's load over your city, just start dropping bombs. For a lot of people, you know, this is probably the first time they'd seen any kind of aircraft in the sky at all. Definitely the first time that it's something that gigantic in the sky. Coming to bomb. Poison gas used for the first time in the war is Germans on the eastern front attack Russian positions west of Warsaw, January 31,

1915, although the Germans fire 18,000 gas shells. They have little effect on the Russians. As frigid temperatures prevent the gas from actually vaporizing. Go ahead Germans drop silly gas bombs in Russia. We like, we lose, oh wait, why am I doing Arnold? I got confused. This is a Russian guy. This should be sounding more like Czechoslovakia. Go ahead, the Russian Germans drop silly gas bombs in Russia. We like, smell good like scented candles.

You could not kill tough Russia with such things. Or do you think we are Polish or something? It's too many countries. Man, too many countries to fucking keep track of. The Turks began forced deportations of Armenians. Even more people to think about now over the next two years and estimated 1.5 million Armenians. Well, either starve to death, die of thirst and the Syrian desert or be murdered by Turkish troops and bandits during the Armenian genocide. On the Western front, the French launched their second offensive against German defense lines in champagne.

Once again, they're hampered by the muddy winter weather, lack of heavy artillery. After a month of fighting, suffering 240,000 casualties, the exhausted French break off the offensive. The first German U-boat campaign of the war begins with unrestricted attacks against merchant and passenger ships in the waters around the British Isles within six months. Allied shipping losses at sea surpassed the number of new ships being built. However, the unrestricted attacks also aroused the anger of the neutral United States as Americans are now killed.

March, the British Navy imposed a total sea blockade on Germany prohibiting all shipping imports, including food. Trying to fucking starve them out. Poison gas used for the first time in the Western Front on April 22nd is the German Fourth Army attacks, French positions around the priests in northern Belgium. As they attack, the Germans release chlorine gas from over 500,000 cylinders, forming poison in its green clouds that drift towards two French African divisions. It's working this time.

The temperature's not keeping these things from vaporizing, lacking any protection to French quickly retreat, although those creates a five mile wide gap in allied lines, the Germans failed to capitalize due to a lack of reserve troops and cautious front-line troops. Yeah, hesitant to fucking storm them on into the gas clouds they've just built. Yeah, I get it. Why would you want to do that? British and Canadians then plugged the gap and are unable to regain, regain any ground taken by the Germans to British then withdraw to the second line of defense, leaving a priest and allied hands but virtually surrounded casualties in the second battle of a priest total 58,000 allies and 38,000 Germans. There's so many thousands of people who die in every single battle. German U-boats synced their first American merchant ship on May 1st, the tanker Gulf flight in the

Mediterranean Sea near Sicily. May 7, 1915 to German U-boat torpedoes that British pass into your liner, the Lucy T. I can Lucy Lucy T. Nia, Lucy T. Nia, I think it's Lucy T. Nia. Fuck all these words. Off the Irish coast, Lucy T. Nia. It sinks in 18 months, drowning 1200 one persons, including 120 Americans, President Woodrow Wilson subsequently sends four diplomatic protests to Germany. And by the way, I write these pronunciation guides. They're all over the notes, if you look on the app, all over the notes today. But you know what?

You can't read those quickly. At least I can't. Oh, man. I don't even understand how news casters, you know, they have to do world news. I guess you just have to study. I guess this is more important than just scoop around and being a be a jokester. If you have to get just words right, you know, all the time for living. Complimenting the French offensive at Vimey, British and Indian troops launched their second attack against Germans

around new Chappelle in the Artois. May 9th, however, without sufficient artillery support to weaken the German frontline defenses, the advancing soldiers are decimated by German machine gun fire. Tacas called off the very day after 11,000 casualties. May 15th, 1915, British and Indian troops launch another attack against Germans in the artois. The attack is preceded by a 60-hour continual artillery bombardment. But the troops advance just a thousand yards, while suffering 16,000, to actually 60 hours of shelling. Two and a half days of shelling the shit out of the enemy, then throwing all these thousands of men and still making a thousand yards.

Italy enters the war on the side of the Allies by declaring war on Austria-Hungary, May 23, 1915, the Italians then launch offensives along the 400-mile common border between Austria and Italy. The better equipped, our Austrians take advantage of the mountainous terrain to establish strong defensive positions all along the border. The Italians then focus their attacks on the mountain passes at Trentino. There we go, Italy. I like how you put your words together.

Trentino, in the valley of the Ison Zorriva. Why can't you fucking all get it, countries? Belgium with your stupid fucking words? Won't you pull your heads out of your asses and change your entire language and culture to suit my linguistic preferences? May 31st, 1915, the first aerial bombing of London occurs as German zeppelins kill 28 persons.

The death balloons are back. Killer bomb balloons. I hate balloons. I hate regular balloons. I can only imagine how much I hate the death balloons are back. Killer bomb balloons. I hate balloons. I hate regular balloons. I can only imagine how much I hate German death balloons. June 16th, the French tent army launches its second attempt to seize a Vimy ridge from the Germans in the Artois. This time the troops in counter-intense artillery bombardment from the improved defenses of the German six army. The French achieved their initial objective, but then succumbed to a German counter attack. It's just constant push pull.

Just as they did in the first attempt at Vimy, the French call-off, the Vimy offensive with a hundred thousand casualties, the Germans suffer 60,000, 100,000 young men's lives lost. Just as one offensive. But just one of the many countries fighting in this war, man, the scope of this war is staggering. I grew up in a town of less than 500 people. Over 200 of my hometowns all dead in just one battle. Just one side of one battle. Russia creates a central war industries committee in July 1st to oversee production and address a severe shortage of artillery

shells and rifles on the front line. Russian soldiers in the field without rifles can only get them from fellow soldiers after they are killed or wounded. Can you imagine? Send in to World War One without even a gun. You want you like you like to have gun? You like to have weapon? You kill someone. Kill someone with Russian hands. With strong Russian hands, you take their weapon.

That's how you get weapon now. You want weapon, you fight for weapon. Ah, oh they got trenches. Oh they got the bombs. Oh they stab in the gas and the flames. You still sound like Wick German. You sound like Wick Paul, you get in, you're russles of them, russles Germans to ground, you take the gun, you fight to make Russia proud. Fucking Russian, they're insane.

In Africa, the German south was African colony of Namibia. I got that one right. I got that one. I got that one right. Okay. Taken by the Allies following 11 months of fighting between the Germans and South African and Rhodesian troops, low to the British until I night. If you like 13th on the Eastern Front, the next phase of the combined Austro German offensive

against the Russians begins in Northern Poland with Austria, Austro-German's advancing towards Warsaw. The Russian army now gets weaker by the day due to chronic supply shortages. Yeah, if I could have any guns and declining morale. Yeah, back down morale. Oh, you're full of sod. You got no food, no boots, no weapons. Oh, I got nothing to do fights.

You make me sick. Once again, the Russians retreats also order a total civilian evacuation of Poland. The Polish territory, I guess, the results in great hardship for the Polish people as they lead their homes and head eastward, clogging the roads and hampering the movement of Russian troops. I'm done mocking the Polish. Polish right now, feeling bad for these poor people. Warsaw, taken by the Austro-German troops August 5th, it's the century of Russian control of the city. After taking Warsaw, the Austro-German's move on to capture several other Polish cities. By the end of September, Russian troops are driven out of Poland.

Back to the original lines from which they had begun the war in 1914, for the time being, the Battle of Russian Army has effectively been eliminated as an offensive threat on the Eastern Front, freeing the Germans to focus more war efforts on the Western Front. September 5th, 1915, Russian Ts Nicholas II, takes personal command of the Russian army, hoping to rally his faltering troops, giving some speeches, come on you guys, I know you're sad, you have no clothes, you have no food, you have had no sex for many months, you have no weapons.

But just think it's Russia. You do have little dolls that you take apart to make smaller dolls, and that is something that is more than nothing. Fight for Russia. Losses to the Tsar's army from the Austro German Offensives in Galicia, Poland, include over 1.4 million casualties, 750,000 captures.

So speech doesn't have a lot of effects. You know, they're like, yeah, fuck, listen, asshole, we still don't have guns. Russia is also weakened economically by the loss of Poland's industrial and agricultural output. You know, they don't got any more. Additionally, the ongoing mass exodus of Russian troops and civilians from Poland

called the Great Retreat, spurs dangerous, political and social unrest in Russia, undermining the rule of the czar and his imperial government. If you recall from the rest putin' sucked at World War I would bring about the end of the Russian monarchy. Bulgaria enters the war on Germany's side with an eye towards invading neighboring Serbia on September 6th. Thus far on the war, Austria, Hungary has tried but failed three times to conquer Serbia

and retaliation for the assassination of Arsztuk, Ferdinand. Now the Austrians, aided by Germany and Bulgaria, planned to try again with the addition of Bulgaria, Germany now has three allies in the war, including Austria, Hungary and Turkey. This alliance called the Central Powers due to geographical location, primarily in Central Europe. The invasion of Serbia begins as Austro, German troops attacked from the north on October six, five days later, the Bulgarians attacked from the east, the outnumbered Serbs have their poorly supplied troops stretched too thinly to defend both fronts, Billgrade then falls to the Germans and

the Bulgarians capture Kuminova, severing the country's north-south rail line and this leaves the overwhelmed Serbian troops no option other than to retreat westward through the mountains into Albania. January 1916, President Woodrow Wilson begins an effort to organize a peace conference in Europe. No one gives a shit. On West Africa, February 18th, the German colony of Cameroon falls to the French and British following 17 months of fighting. This leaves only one German colony remaining in France known as German East Africa. April 18th, 1916, President Woodrow Wilson

threatens to sever diplomatic ties between the United States and Germany, following the sinking of the passenger ferry Sussex by a U-boat in the English Channel. The attack marks the beginning of a new U-boat campaign around the British Isles, but in response to Wilson, the other Germans do call off the U-boats. I don't know why that's just funny. It's me like, Hey, guys, we're not going to trade with you if you keep fucking killing us. Okay. All right. All right. Now my voice is mixed up. Now I'm fucking cheeky T. L. Owen, swarcing the role of my head. In the middle east, the five-month siege at Kutal Amara in Mesopotamia ends is 13,000

British and Indian soldiers now in the Vergestarvation surrendered at to the Turks the largest ever surrendered by the British Army comes after Forfeiled attempts by British relief troops to break through the surrounded garrison and I guess April 29th Mark May 25th 1916 the era of the all-volunteer British Army ends as Universal conscription now takes effect requiring all eligible British men between the ages of 1940. I would just squeak by To report that report for the excluding men working in agriculture mining or the railroads men between the ages of 1940, I would just squeak by it. To report, to report for the, excluding men working in agriculture, mining, or the railroads.

The main German and British naval fleets clashed in the battle of Jutland in the North Sea on May 31st, as both sides tried but failed to score a decisive victory. Forward battle cruisers from the British Grand Fleet are initially lured southward towards the German high seas fleet, then completely turn around, luring the entire German fleet northward,ward as they get near the the British blast away at the German forward ships the Germans return fire two fleets fire furiously at each other however

the Germans aware they are outgun by the larger British fleet disengage abruptly turn away and the dead and night the Germans withdraw entirely the British do not risk a pursuit and instead head home both sides claim victory. Although the Germans sink 14 of the 151 British ships while losing 11 of 99 ships the British Navy retained as dominance in the North Sea and the naval blockade of Germany continues for the war's duration. You're not getting any food. Not from these boats.

Germans resume their offensive near Verdun, France france on june twenty second using poison uh... get a fast fasting gas at the start of the attack initially take the village of uh... flurry just two miles north of verdant but further advanced out where does halted by strong french counter attack uh... verdant is now become a battle of attrition for both sides after months of continual fighting with the death toll are approaching five hundred thousand men that's just in this one the larry uh... july first the british army Army suffers the worst single day death toll in its history, as

18,800 soldiers are killed on the first day of the Battle of the Sarm. The losses come as 13 attacking divisions and counter German defenses that are still intact despite the seven-day bombardment designed to knock them out. The British also attacked and broad daylight advancing in line, shoulder to shoulder, only to be systematically mowed down by German machine gunners. The psalm offensive quickly becomes a battle of attrition as British and French troops make marginal gains against Germans, but repeatedly fail to break through the entire front as planned.

July 10th, the Germans attack again at Verdun using poison gas, advanced towards Fort Svil, four days later the French counter attack and halted her. It's back and forth back and forth. The British launched a night attack against German positions on July 13th along a 3.5 mile portion of the Psalm front. After advancing nearly a thousand yards, the advances halted. The Germans regrouped their defenses two days later. The British once again penetrate the German line advanced to high wood, but are then pushed

back again back and forth over and over. The war has been going on now for a little over two years with no real progress being made on the western front by other side. Just so many deaths, millions by the war is in. The ground must have just been stained red with blood. August 27th, 1916, Romania declares war on the central powers, begins an invasion of Austria-Hungary through the Carpathian Mountains the Romanians faced little opposition initially in advance 50 miles into Transylvania Where Dracula comes out of his castle and asks everyone to please keep the noise down

He appreciates the extra necks to suck blood out of but he can't sleep in his daytime coffee and with all his jelly Of course that not happen, that didn't happen. Italy declares war on Germany. Thus expanding the scope of its, again, a moment like that, I do wonder there's people working directly of love above me. And all they hear is just some dude randomly screaming

out of nowhere about Dracula and shelly. August 28, 1916. Italy declares war on Germany. Expanding the scope of its military activities beyond the Italian, Austrian, Front, August 29th, Germany's entire economy is placed under the Hindenburg plan, allowing the military to exercise dictator, dictator Jesus Christ, dictator's word, dictatorial, dictator oral, dictatorial. I think I spelled it wrong, but it didn't show up on dictator or you'll I fucking Joe

Are you let the end on us say this word? Exercise dictator or you'll whatever Joe Joe does know either I say in my ears the Hindenburg plan Allowing the military to exercise dictator or you'll whatever style powers I don't know why that word all of a sudden was like, I don't know if I can know how to speak languages anymore. To control the labor force, munitions production, food distribution, most aspects of the life,

all the matters is that the whole country's been used for war now. War is the only focus for Germany now. How can you help the war effort is the only important question asked of German citizens? September 15th, the first ever appearance of tanks on a battlefield occurs as British troops renew the psalm offensive attack German positions along a five mile front, advancing 2,000 yards with tanks support now. The British developed tanks feature two small side cannons, four machine guns operated

by eight man crew. As the infantry advances, individual tanks provide support by blasting and rolling over the German barbed wire piercing the frontline defense, then roll along the length of the trench, raking the German soldiers with machine gun fire. Man, vicious. November 7th, American voters reelect president Woodrow Wilson, who had campaigned on the slogan, he kept us out of war.

Not much longer. Uh, November 18th, 1916, the Battle of Assault ends upon the first snowfall. As the British and French decide to cease the offensive, yeah, this is going nowhere for anybody. By now, the Germans have been pushed back just a few miles along the entire 15-mile front, but the major breakthrough the Allies had planned never occurs. Both sides each suffered over 600,000 casualties during the five-month battle. Among the injured German soldiers, two baddies didn't die. Corporal Adolf Hitler, wounded by Schrafftowl. December 7, 1916, Lloyd George becomes Britain's new prime minister.

His new war cabinet immediately begins to organize the country for, quote, total war. December 18, 1916, President Woodrow Wilson caps off a year-long effort to organize a peace conference in Europe by asking the combatants to align their peace terms. No one gives a shit. February 3rd, 1917, the United States severed diplomatic ties with Germany after a U-boat sinks the American grain ship, uh, who's a tonic? Seven more American ships are sunk in February and March as the Germans sink 500 ships in just 60 days. Holy shit man, two months, 500 ships, over eight ships a day.

February 25th, 1917, the Middle East newly reinforced and replenished British troops retake Kut Al-Al-Mara and Mesopotamia from outnumbered Turks. The British then continued their advance and captured Baghdad, followed by Ramadi and Tikrit. March 8th, the mass protest by Russians, civilians and Petrograd, aka St. Petersburg, erupts into a revolution against Zarn Nicholas II and the war. We covered that in that razz putin' suck, man. War not going well for the Russians at all. Within days, Russian soldiers mutiny and join the revolution against the monarchy. March 15th, 1917 to 300-year-old Romanov dynasty

in Russia ends upon the abdication of Zara Nicholas II from the throne in his place, a new dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem- dem The casualty rate during bloody April in 1917, as he Germans shoot down 150 of their fighter planes. The average life expectancy of an allied fighter pilot is now three weeks, resulting from aerial dog fights and accidents. These things are new, the crash in a lot. April 2nd, President Woodrow Wilson appears before the U.S. Congress and gives a speech saying

the world must be made safe for democracy, ask Congress for a declaration. Now no more peace. Declaration of war against Germany four days after President Wilson speech the United States of America declares war on Germany nearly three years after the war began. April 9, 1917, the British Army has one of its most productive days of the war is the third army supported by Canadian and Australian troops. Love our Australian Canadian listeners makes rapid advances north of the Hindenburg line

at Aris and Vimy on the western front. The expansive first day of achievement and snowy weather includes a three and a half mile territorial gain and the capture of Vimy Ridge by Canadians. However, similar to past offensive, the inability to capitalize on initial success and maintain momentum against Germany, an opportunity to regroup and further gains are thwarted. The British suffer 150,000 casualties during the offensive while the Germans suffer 100,000. So maybe that four mile per hour tank, maybe not fast enough to capitalize on initial victories. April 16th, political agitator Vladimir Lenin arrives back in Russia following 12 years of exile

in Switzerland, special train transportation. Rez return provided by the Germans in hope that anti-war Lenin and his radical Bolshevik party will disrupt Russia's new provincial government, which they will. Lenin joins other Bolsheviks and Petrograd who have also returned recently from exile, including Joseph Stalin, previous suck. May 18, the Selective Service Act is passed by the U.S. Congress authorizing a draft, the small U.S. Army, presently consisting of 145,000 men will be in large to four million men via the draft.

Oh, man, I would think that most American dudes would be scared shitless to get draft of 1917. I mean, they've been reading about people getting burned and gas and rotting the trenches for three years now. No, thank you. But a lot of Americans were the children of parents born in one of the countries. The Germans and Austro Hungarians were fighting. So maybe they were excited to defend their ancestral lands.

However, if you're the son of Germans or Austro Hungarians, Bulgarians, I would, man, thought again, drastom us really suck. May 19, 1917, the provincial government of Russia announces it will stay in the war. However, Russian soldiers and peasants are now flocking to Lenin's Bolshevik party, which opposes the war and opposes the provincial government. May 27th through June 1st, the mutinous atmosphere in the French army erupts into open insubordination. We've got insubordination with France now. Soldiers refuse orders to advance more than half of the French divisions of the western

front experienced some degree of disruption by disgruntled soldiers, angry over the unending battles of attrition and appalling, livid living conditions we talked about in the muddy rat and lice and fasted trenches. Yeah, fucking bet they were sick of it. Three years that shit, mass arrests, followed by several firing squad executions, do quell the uprisings. But while the French armies in disarray, the main burden of the Western Front defending it falls squarely upon the British.

June 3rd, London suffers as high as civilian casualties of the war as German airplanes. Now bomb the city, killing 158 civilians, wounding 425, the British react to the new bombing campaign by forming home defense fighter squadrons. Later conduct retaliatory bombing raids against the Germans by British planes based in France. June 25th, the first American troops land in France. You, S.A. July 2nd, Greece declares war in the Central Powers following the abdication of pro-German King Constantine, who is replaced by pro-allied administration Greek soldiers now added to

the Allied ranks. September 1st on the Eastern Front, the final Russian battle in the war begins as the Germans attack toward Riga, Latvia. The German 8th Army tries a new tactic. They bypass any strong points as they move forward. Storm troop Italians armed with light machine guns, grenades, flamethrowers, focus on quickly infiltrating the rear areas to disrupt communications, take out the artillery. The Russian 12th Army is unable to hold itself together. Man these guys are, yeah, they're fucking tired. They're countries in disarray.

They probably got no guns, a lot of them. They can't hold themselves together amid the storm troop attacks and abandon Riga. And then they begin a rapid retreat along the Davina River pursued by the Germans. September 20th, a revised British strategy begins at a priests designed to wear down the Germans. It features a series of intensive, narrowly focused artillery and troop attacks with limited objectives to be launched every six days. To first such an attack, along the meaning road near Gilevelt produces a gain of about

a thousand yards with 22,000 British and Australian casualties. Subsequent attacks yields similar results. It's crazy. Losing 22,000 men to death or dismemberment to gain a thousand yards. How depressing? October 12th, the aprice offensive culminates around the village of Pashindal. Belgium is Australian and New Zealand troops die by the thousands while attempting to press forward across the battlefield of liquid mud, advancing only 100 yards. a battlefield of liquid mud advancing only 100 yards. Steady October rain creates a slippery quagmire in which wounded soldiers routinely drown in mud-filled shell craters.

Nightmare. These guys are living a nightmare. November 6th and 7th and Russia, Bolsheviks led by Vladimir Lenin and Leon Trotsky over throw the provincial government and what becomes known as the October revolution They established a non-democratic Soviet government because it's October 24th, 25th according to the Russian calendar at that time They established a non-democratic Soviet government based on Marxism which prohibits private enterprise and private land ownership Lenin announces that Soviet Russia will immediately end its involvement in the war and renounces all existing

treaties with the allies and oh Germany so happy Germany so happy they got one last person to group to fight. November 15th, 1917, Georges Clemankou becomes France's new prime minister at age 76, nicknamed the Tiger, when asked about his agenda, he will simply answer, I wish war. Apparently they want a strong simple leader. How do you plan on fixing the economy? I wish war on money. Education, how will you improve education? I wish war on students.

What about equal rights for women? I wish war on women. Jerusalem, captured by the British on December 9th, this ends four centuries of Ottoman Turkish Empire control. December 15, 1917, Soviet Russia signs an armistice with Germany, with Russia's departure from the Eastern Front. 44 German divisions now become available to be redeployed to the Western Front in time for Ludendorff Spring Offensive.

March 3, 1918, at Breast, Lidovisk, Soviet Russia signs a treaty with Germany formally ending its participation in the war, harsh terms imposedisk, Soviet Russia, signed to treaty with Germany formally ending its participation in the war, harsh terms imposed by the Germans forced the Russians to yield a quarter of their pre-war territory and over half of Russia's industries to the Germans. March 21st, Germany's all-out gamble for victory begins upon the launch of the first of a series of successive spring offensives on the western front, the St. Michael offensive, named after Germany's patron saint, begins after a 5 hour 6,000 gun artillery bombardment as 65 divisions from the German second, 17th,

18th armies attacked the British third, and 5th armies along a 60 mile front in the Somme. At first, it seems destined to succeed, as the thinly stretched British 5th army is quickly overrun and wrecked. Using effective storm troop tactics, the Germans recapture all of the ground they'd lost in 1916 during the Battle of the Salmon Press forward. However, during the two-week offensive, the British Third Army manages to hold itself together and prevents the Germans from taking Aris, Aris, and Amiens' key objectives of the offensive. April 1st, 1918, British's Royal Air Force is founded upon the merger of the Royal Flying Corps and Royal Navy Service, and by now the British aviation

industry has become the world leader. So no April fools. They really did that. April 21st, Germany's Red Baron, Manfred von Rythoven, shot down and killed by the British. This German ace was credited with shooting down 80 allied aircraft. Some historians think he shot down actually over a hundred airplanes. He was buried with military honors by the opposing British, dude, 80 fucking planes shot down by one pilot. Those little dog fights, you know, or more all by the time he's 25. Man, tough sport to be in though man dog fights.

Now those aerial I mean one last in your dead 80 and one a record of 80 and one gets you just as dead as a record of O and one. May 28th 29 troops the US and first infantry division capture the village of a continue. Uh, con T ne from the Germans and hold it. The American expeditionary force the A E F is commanded by General John Pershing, determined to maintain all American fighting units rather than parcel out American troops to the British and French armies other than that one we've talked about other than the Hell fighters. By now, 650,000 American soldiers have arrived in France with the number growing by 10,000 per day. The Battle of Belou Wood involving the US Second Infantry Division begins on June 6th during

the three-week fight against the Germans, Americans experienced their first significant battlefield casualties with 5,000 killed, but they did win this battle. June 15th, Austrian troops began offensive along the Piave, River in Italy. At the urging of the Germans, although suffering from lack of food horses and supplies, they crossed the river and established a 12 mile front, but then realized they could, they cannot hold it against the now revitalized Italian army and withdraw after suffering 150,000 casualties. Following this, Austrian soldiers in Italy began disordying.

Mid 1918, soldiers from all sides get fucked up by the flu. Uh, yeah, flu of 1918, no joke. Troop losses from the flu epidemic soon exceed combat casualties, especially weakening the hard press German army. The worldwide epidemic lasts for about a year killing an estimated 20 million people. Then vanishes as strangely as it had appeared. Ain't that a bitch, man, especially for dudes in the trenches. On top of all the other horrors, now you have the worst deadliest flu outbreak.

Now you're shit yourself to death and an already shit filled trench. Ah, July 15th to the 17th, 1918, the last German offensive of the war. The Maurene-Riems offensive begins with a two-pronged attack around Reims France by 52 divisions. The Allies have been anticipating this battle in line-weight. The German attack to the east of Reims

crushed that day by the French. To the west of Reims, the advance is blocked by the US Third Infantry Division, followed by a successful French and American counterattack. September 12, 1918, the first stand alone attacked by Americans occurs as the US First Army attacks the southernmost portion of the western front in France, the offensive is supported by an unprecedented 1,476 Allied aircraft, used as part of a coordinated air ground attack. Within 36 hours, the Americans take a hundred, hundred excuse me take 15,000 prisoners capture over 400 pieces of artillery and the Germans withdraw the allies push the Bulgarians and by the way if I have a weird pronunciation of artillery

Some people pointed out just fucking deal with it, right? Sometimes just the way I say shit The allies on September 15th push the Bulgarians out of Serbia as French, Serbian and Italian troops make rapid gains advance in nearly 20 miles North from Greece in three days. Bulgarian troops attempting to redeploy westward throughout the narrow Costorino pass are relentlessly bombarded by airplanes and overall troop morale collapses. Meanwhile political turmoil strikes at home as anti-war riots erupt in Bulgaria cities along with Russian style revolutionary fervor that results in the proclamation of local Soviets.

September 19th, 1918, the Middle East, the Allies launched a cavalry attack to push the Turks out of Palestine, Australian and Indian cavalry divisions smashed through the Turkish defenses around Megido on the first day in Gallup, Northward as British infantry follow while the RAF and air fighters disrupt communication and supply lines. As the Turkish armies collapse, they withdraw northward towards Damascus with the allies and pursuit. September 26th, the US First Army, French Fourth Army, begin a joint offensive to clear out the strongly defended corridor between the Muse River and the Argonne Forest.

Here the Germans do not fall back in the battle. Soon resembles action from earlier years in the war amid a steady rain. The troops advance yard by yard over the muddy crater field terrain with 75,000 American casualties suffered over six weeks of fighting. September 28, confronted by the unstoppable strength of the Allies and faced with the prospect of outright military defeat on the Western front. General Ludendorff suffers a nervous breakdown at his headquarters, losing all hope for victory. He informs his superior Paul von Hindenburg, the war must be ended. The next day, Ludendorff, accompanied by Hindenburg, meet with the Kaiser, urge him to end

the war. The Kaiser's army is becoming weaker by the day amid irreversible true losses, declining discipline and battle readiness due to exhaustion, illness, food shortages, desertions, drunkenness. It's like fuck, let's get drunk, right? We might not be alive much longer. The Kaiser takes heed from Hindenburg and Ludendorff and agrees that they need an armistice. September 29th Bulgaria signs an armistice with the allies becoming the first of the Central Powers to quit the First World War.

October 4th, 1918, President Woodrow Wilson receives a request from the German government sent via the Swiss asking for armistice discussions on the basis of his 14 points. The Germans have bypassed the French and British. They think he's going to be a little more lenient. They're disappointed though, when Wilson responds with a list of demands to preclude discussions, including German withdrawal from all occupied territories in a total halt of youboat attacks. Now, they're not quite ready for that. On October 5, the Allies break through the last remnants of the Hindenburg Line, the including Jurn withdrawal from all occupied territories and a total halt of U-boat attacks. Now they're not quite ready for that.

On October 5th, the Allies break through the last remnants of the Hindenburg Line, the system of trenches and fortifications on the Western Front finally break and through those trenches. October 6th, a provisional government proclaims the state of Yugoslavia, signaling the beginning of the breakup of the old Hopsburg, Australia, Hungarian, empire.

In central Europe, which had existed for six century shitties, changing in Europe. October 7th, Poland! Ah, here we go, Poland, formally part of the Russian Empire, proclaims itself as Independence take. Good for you, Polish people. Good for you. October 13th, the Germans engage in a general retreat along a six-mile portion of the

Western Front in France, stretching from San Quentin, southward to the Argonne Forest as French and American armies steadily advance. October 14, Germany abandoned positions along the Belgian coast, and northernmost France as the British and Belgian steadily advance. October 29, the Czechs declared their independence from Austria. Two days later, Solvlachia declared independence from Hungary. Czechoslovakia is subsequently formed. October 30th, Turkey signs an armistice with the Allies becoming the second of the Central Powers to quit the war. November 1st, Belgrade is liberated by French and Serbian troops.

November 3rd, the only remaining ally of Germany, Austria-Hungary signs an armistice, I mean, they're losing the fucking big chunks of the land. They sign an armistice with Italy. They leave Germany alone now in the war. November 9th, six days later, the Kaiser's Imperial government collapses in ruin. As a German republic is proclaimed with Frederick Ebert, heading the new provisional government, Kaiser will Wilhelm then seeks refuge in Holland, admit concerns for his safety.

November 11th, 1918 at 510 AM in a railway car at Campigné, France, the German sign, the Armitas, which is effective at 11 AM, the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month, 11 11 11. Fighting continues all along the western front until precisely 11 o'clock, then it's like they clock out. Sadly, 2000 casualty experience that day by all sides. What a fucking waste, like it's over, they know it's over, but they still kill each other. Our artillery barrage is also erupt as 11 a.m. draws near as soldiers yearned to claim

they fired the very last shot in the war. November 12th, one last little battle occurs as Germans in Africa and counter British troops in Northern Rhodesia. Sadly, news of the armors has not reached the Germans there yet. So more die just after the war is actually over. Following the end of the war at the early 1919, the League of Nations is founded, championed by President Wilson as a means of peaceably resolving future conflicts. Germany is included for the time being.

June 28th, 1919 at the Palace of Versailles in France, a German delegation signed the Treaty of Versailles formally ending the war. Its 230 pages contain terms that have little in common with Wilson's 14 points as the Germans had hoped. Germans back home react with mass demonstrations against to perceive harshness, especially clauses that assess sole blame for the war on Germany. Well, tough shit Germany. April 1921, the Reparations Commission announces Germany must pay back allies 28 billion

over 42 years via annual payments of cash and goods such as coal and timber. January 1923, after Germany falls behind on its war reparation payments, French and Belgian troops occupy the rural industrial region inside Germany. Workers there react by walking off the job. In a defiant show of support, the German government sends money to out of work protesters, however, this soon leads to ruinous inflation and devaluation of the German Deutsche Mark. Eventually, four billion to the dollar as the government prints an unlimited amount of money to try and satisfy its needs. And then things continue just to spiral downward for Germany until the total economic collapse in 1929 causes further turmoil that generates popular support for Hitler, resulting in the election of Nazis to the government and the path toward

where two is now set. And that takes us out of a fucking whoppin' time suck timeline. You made it back barely. Wow, what an epic giant war, man. I'm tired, I've been talking about it. I know there wasn't many as many jokes as usual in this one, but geez, it just felt too confusing to take too many tangents in this already, so complicated and complex, suck. This isn't like someone's life, you know, you can just follow this, the long series of many developments that lead to a long, very complex so many multifaceted battles war. And we still glossed over so very much, but I hope I didn't make it too complicated

and I hope I didn't make it overly simplified. Hopefully most of you understand world war won a lot better. Now I know I do. I didn't, I really didn't know shit about it before this suck. This war that a hundred years ago, a hundred years ago, and one day ago, exactly when this episode was released. The casualties suffered by the participants of World War One dwarfed those of previous wars. I mean, this is unreal.

Some eight and a half million soldiers died as a result of wounds and or disease. The greatest number of casualties and wounds were afflicted by artillery, followed by small arms, then poison gas, the bayonet, which was relied on by the pre-war French army as the decisive weapon actually produced few casualties. War was increasingly mechanized from 1914 on and produced casualties, even when nothing important was happening.

And even a quiet day in the Western Front, many hundreds of Allied and German soldiers would die. The heaviest loss of life for a single day occurred on that July 1, 1916 that we talked about the Battle of the Som when the British Army suffered nearly 60,000 casualties. Check out these country by country total number of soldiers killed wounded. And these numbers changed by the way when you go from report report just because it is kind of its guess to nations. They didn't have exact numbers. Russia though 1.7 million soldiers killed another 5 million wounded British. They gave over 900,000 soldiers live to the war, over 2 million more wounded. France lost over

1.3 million young men, over 4 million more wounded. Italy sacrificed 650,000 of their young men and nearly a million more wounded. Romania gave over 330,000 sons and brothers, another 120,000 wounded, 45,000 Serbian's died fighting, over 130,000 more them wounded. The United States lost over 115,000 young men and more than 200,000 others were wounded. And these are just some of the allied countries losses. I mean, look at the central powers. Germany lost over 1.7 million soldiers' lives, with over 4 million more wounded Austria-Hungary lost 1.2 million soldiers' lives, over 3.6 million wounded. Turkey lost 325,000 men, another 400,000 wounded.

Bulgaria lost 87,500 men, over 150,000 others wounded. All together over, again, over 8.5 million soldiers died. Some historians actually placed that Also, gather over again, over 8.5 million soldiers died. Some historians actually placed that number closer to 10 million. Over 21 million others wounded. Another 7.7 million other taken prisoner, or gone missing, plus an additional 7 million civilians were killed. The total number of both civilian and military casualties

estimated to be around 37, 40 million people. The entire combined population of everyone in Washington, Idaho, Oregon, Utah, and Montana, all dead. Another 20 million wounded. Wow, wow, wow, wow. Thanks for taking a second. You know what I'm saying? Wow, thanks for taking a couple hours to listen this episode.

You know, a hundred years after all this ended. Long after everyone who was involved and it died, I truly hope all their souls, rest in peace, hope the world never experiences anything as ugly as this were ever, ever, ever again. No idiots of the internet today. This is too much. I had to spend all my time on the, on the war. Now time for top five takeaways. Time, suck, top five takeaways. Top 5 Takeaways.

Number one, the key ingredients to lead up to World War I were a romanticism of the notion of war, the rise of early 20th century European nationalism, patriotism good, nationalism bad, always propaganda towards other nations, the short war theory. You know, it's going to be quick and easy. Notions of imperialism, you know, you'd be lucky to have our culture, the rise of multinational alliances and the instability of the Balkans. Or if you want to simplify things, it was a fucking Germans. Number two, June 28th, 1914, the assassination of Arsztuk, an heir to the Austro-Hungarian

throne, Fran Ferdinand, is really what kicked things off in World War I. Number three, trench warfare blows, unless you like drowning in mud being covered by lice, being chewed on by rats, or losing your feet to trench foot. Vote no, on trench warfare. Number four, the war came to an end with Germany's surrender on November 11, 1918, and that is why November 11 is Veterans Day. And World War I left a whole shit ton of veterans that has waked over 65 million total troops fought in that war.

That is such a crazy number. Number 5 new info. Germany not only lost the war in a lot of troops, but also a lot of German shepherds. Over 215 thousand German shepherds would fight in the Great War. German shepherds carrying battalions used the. German shepherds, carrying battalions, used the dogs extensively on the Western front for offensives on French and British trenches. One infamous unit, the 75th hun division

had over 3,000 German shepherds and 2,000 German stormtroopers. The dogs alone were credited with over 400 casualties. I'd like that, I can eat my fucking dog in a trench in a song valley battle on June 3rd, 1917. The Germans, even, the Germans, even, Germans, even fitted the dogs with masks for gas attacks. In the fall of 1917, however, French forces realized they could just throw tainted meat

into the nomans land between trenches and poise in the dogs. They poised over 100,000 dogs this way in the winter of 1917, 1918. And then in the spring of 1918, the French realized they also could do animals and they used cats to get the dogs to bark and give away German positions. And the 107th Pussenboot's division was formed. 300 French soldiers, 35,000 tabby cats, one podcast. Oh, slide is ass off. But all of this. Ah. Get the fuck out of dogs with gas masks. We're in a trench suite. No, never happened.

Dogs are not part of the journey. They're in between. Not like that. And there was not a French pushing boots cat division. There were actually, though, hundreds of thousands of cats put into French trenches, not joking now, to counteract the rat problem. They were actually brought in for the war effort.

And also dogs were actually used in the war. Generally, a century dogs and casually dogs by all sides. Praise both jangles. Both jangles are three-legged, one-eyed, immortal, mascot, and warrior. Would have won the whole war himself if he would have fought in it. Where was both jangles?

What was happening? Sentry dogs would stay with one soldier or guard, and were taught to give a warning sound to just growling or barking when they senseless stranger in the area are close to camp, dobermans. A lot were used as sentry dogs by the Germans, actually, casually dogs are trained to find wounded

or dying soldiers on the battlefield. They carried medical equipment. So an injured soldier could treat themselves and they would also stay beside a dying soldier to keep them company. Oh my God, man, dogs are the fucking best. And there are some pretty adorable pictures of dogs helping out soldiers in World War One on the web. If you want to look at something happy

about World War One. Praisemode jangles in deed. Holy shit, World War One, did it? Did it? Woo, sucked. Didn't know if I finished that one in time. That's a big suck, almost broke my damn jaw. Just trying to suck all those dudes, fighting, just sucking so many dudes. Sucking 65 million muddy trench fighting dudes. That's a lot to get in your mouth. Thanks again to the Time Suck team.

High Priest is a suck comedy fellow camp. Jesse, guardian of grammar, dope, nor Reverend Dr. Joe Paisley, time suck high priest Alex Dugan, the guys at Bidelixer, designing the app, keeping the website going danger brain space lizards and merge wizards access apparel, writing a little note some people's merch when they send it out. Queen of the suck Lindsey Cummins, boss of everything, Polish Polish wizard, another special thanks to OG,

bojangles researchers Sarah and Rebecca Rebalilli, the hammers of knowledge, forgiving me so much good info to start to suck with. Suck in another worldy topic next Monday, the new world order. It's conspiracy time. It's been a while on time, suck. Been a while since we had a Monday conspiracy suck. Switch it up. What the hell is the new world order that Alex Jones, David I, and other wacky doodles are always talking about?

Where does this conspiracy about an emerging clandestine to Tolitarian world government even come from? What is it in compass? Why did I hear my dad and his friends talk about it too much in high school? Why does so many people online seem to be so very into it right now? The common theme in conspiracy theory is about a new world order.

Is that a secretive power elite with the globalist agenda is conspiring to eventually rule the world through an authoritarian world government, which will replace sovereign nation states and an all encompassing propaganda whose ideology, ideology, hills, the establishment of the new world order as the culmination of history's progress. Lizards doesn't involve space lizards. I don't know. I hope so. God, I hope so. At least a space lizards. I don't know. I hope so. God, I hope so.

At least a few lizards. We're going to find out next week. A big idiot to the internet coming up next week. Oh, it's going to be great. It's going to make up for the lack of one this week. Now, time now for Time Sucker Updates. Updates, get your time sucker updates. First up, wonderful time suck. Jesse writes in Lettunus know that a triple M is saved her.

Not kidding, Michael McDonald saved her. For real. Yamu saved her. Yamu saved her. Jesse writes, Dear Master sucked the ambassador of the Mushemouthers. Oh, so much today, right? And the head missionary of Nimrod. Hail Nimrod! I'm writing to you today because I wanted to tell you how you and your love for the triple M

made me realize that I was not in a good space and in an unhappy relationship. I found you originally on Pandora and became obsessed with your comedy, yes. And I would listen to you while I did housework, which was a constant job since I was the only person in the house cleaning, cooking, and taking care of two puppies. Do not let Lindsay ever listen to this. Then I heard your ad for your podcast, and I started to binge. At the time, I lived an hour from work, so I would listen to you through my long commute

and eventually while I did housework. What struck me the most from your podcast was your rendition of Triple M's, I keep forgetting we're not in love anymore. The more and more you kept laying down those sweet, sweet lyrics,. I keep forgetting we're not in love anymore. The more and more you kept laying down those sweet, sweet lyrics, the more I realized I was not in love anymore. My relationship was falling apart and I was willing to ignore it because we were comfortable. The more I tried to ignore it, the more you seem to keep singing in my ears, I keep forgetting. I'm not in love anymore. I keep forgetting things

will never be the same again. Eventually, I couldn't ignore my situation. My depression was going nuts. My anxiety was having a field day and I wanted to be happy. I finally packed up my stuff and left. I am now a hundred times happier, visibly happier, found someone who makes me happy

and getting back to my strong, independent woman status that Luciferina would be proud of. Hail Luciferina! So in conclusion, never stop triple M and us because you might be shaking someone awake, realizing they are not in a situation they would like or maybe even scarier in a situation where they might not be safe. Master sucker, thank you from your disciple of Mushmouthers, Jesse. Thank you, Jesse.

Hey, Luciferina, you can be independent. You just, you can be independent. You just gotta try. Some see the road as clear. Some say the end is here. They say it's a hopeless fight but I say I got to try. I think I rushed that, I think I fucked it up. That was a lesser known Michael McDonald's song. It's harder, it's harder for the rhythm. I actually wanted to go with Jesse's girl

Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da- Donald E helped you out. Next up, Joe, mother fucking, but Jango's guessing that's not his legal last name. As we said in the email, and Joe is a ghost believer, regarding me asking for real supernatural encounters the other week, Joe writes insane, I absolutely believe in ghosts and spirits. I have a lot of stories I'm gonna tell, but the first one, if you want, just share with the brothers and sisters of Nimrod doing it now. Whatever you do, I feel listening,

do not, and I repeat your knowledge behind you. I'll just be behind you right now, knowing right there. So growing up, I live next to a graveyard. My bedroom was literally 20 feet from a dad's, fuck, and sucks. It was nighttime, oh, by the way, there's a graveyard. 30 yards from the suck dungeon, by the way. Not even kidding, big ass graveyard,

just directly across the street. From where I am right now. It was nighttime and getting late. My cousin and I were heading to bed. I was in bed and he was on a mattress on the floor. I had a TV on my headboard of the bed and we were trying to fall asleep. The TV turned, Donna starts flipping through channels.

I say, Billy turned the TV off. He says, Joe, I don't have the remote. It's not me. I find the remote next to me and I think I accidentally hit her to what not. So we turn it off. Turn it off. Seconds later, the TV turns back on.

I'll flip through the channels and I say, Billy, he says, Joe, I swear it ain't me. We both sit, so we turn it off. Second slayer, the TV turns back on, and flips through the channels, and says, Billy, he says, Joe, I swear it ain't me. We both sit up, and I turn it off again. And the fucking TV turns on once more as I have the remote in my hand. We are getting fucking scared now. I said, fuck this, and unplugged it. And I swear to you that fucking TV turned on again.

After you unplugged it, flip it through channels. We both ran out of the room, to the living room, which you can see. My room down the hall, just watching the TV flip to the channels. It finally stopped. We stayed in the living room all night and didn't sleep. Told my mom the next morning what had happened. She told us years before she had the same thing happened in the TV in the living room. And the whole not looking behind you thing before just to fuck with you guys. But I do have the chills now. So in the same home, we had a lot of crazy shit happen. And not just to me, my mom is well in neighbors around us.

But I know I've seen a ghost. My mom told me when I was really young, I would have an imaginary friend like most kids do. I would answer specific questions to this friend and it would creep her the fuck out. Well, when I was about 16, I woke up for school one morning, I opened my bedroom door and I looked down the hallway

and I swear there was a little boy. No! There was a little boy in the living room by the couch just staring back at me. Scared the hell out of me. I slammed my door shut, got dressed, ran out the back door and went to school. Same house again, I had a buddy stay that night. I had bunk beds, he slept in the top bunk,

my mom had gone to work about 5 a.m. I woke up went to the bathroom, I laid back down, started hearing footsteps out of hallway. Fuck! I knew my mom was at work. So just laid there. That's the worst.

I could hear the front door opening and closing the sound of something banging against her wash in the bathroom and cabinets opening. Then something came in my room. Well, I got chills on my legs now. I got weird goosebumps on my legs now. This is awesome. Something came in my room at this point., under my covers, my bed started shaking like

someone was hanging on the bedposts, all of a sudden the footsteps were running on the hallway, out the front door, I get up, wake up my friend, we go to the living room and the front door is still bolt locked. Call the police and my mom, police search everything, there's no sign of a break and nothing taking, not a fucking thing, my friend never stayed the night again. Yeah, I wouldn't. So in my home, I live in now, the day I signed papers to buy it, I had to meet my real turn hour before my house

to make sure everything was marked off. I got a little early and was walking around and I met my neighbor. We got to talk to him and he tells me, it's a shame about the old woman who used to live here. I asked, what is he talking about? And he goes in to tell me that there's an old woman that originally owned it, who died in one of the bedrooms.

Nothing grew some, but it was still news to me. But at any way, it was October, come December, Christmas Eve. I had my son who was five of the time. My mom came over, we opened presents. I then had to run to the store real quick so my mom stayed with my son. I get back and my mom has a weird look on her face. I ask her, what is wrong? And she says, Brady is scaring this shit out of me. We were on the foreplane and all of a sudden he bus starts running down the hall. Yeah, bus starts running in the hall. I ask him what he's looking at and he says, the girl won't stop staring at me.

And then he just went back to plane. I've had quite a few things in this house happen like hearing footsteps and cabins in the kitchen opening. My brother stayed with me a few months back and it scared the fuck out of him. He's 63 and 260 pounds, doesn't scare easy. He was telling his girlfriend about all the shit he was hearing.

Well, she was over, she didn't believe him. Then they were in my kitchen. She was mocking and making fun and something poked her out of her chair. She started to apologize and got the fuck out. Once I saw her, she said, I don't know what the fuck is in there, but I'll never make fun of it again. Well, I got more, but that's good enough for now. Hope you haven't pissed yourself yet.

No, but I definitely got goosebumps. I will think, I will say that I think of myself as a pretty rational well thought out guy. It was an honest student school, joined the Navy afterwards, thank you. Hold a pretty damn good job now. So I definitely believe, and I have no other answers other than to what I've seen throughout the years.

Ah, okay, that was terrifying. But thank you very much, Joe, for sending that our way. Man, and we got another believer now. We got Time Sucker Rocco, also things goes to real. He writes in, hello, master sucker, insert 45 other random bad ass titles. I've dropped a few emails, I've dropped a few emails,

and have since become a proud member of the Colt the Curious on Facebook, along with my wife Danielle, what a fucking awesome group from Amazing People. Yes, I love how much love the Colt the Curious face of a group keeps getting out fucking standing. He says, anyway, I don't know how much their stories were made up to make money, but I do have regarding the warrants, but I do have quite a bit of experience dealing with the supernatural or with supernatural TV shows. Excuse me, my biological father lives here in Fort Wayne

and has been featured on several shows to include, which include paranormal state and my ghost story. I can say this for sure, those shows were 100% flat out bullshit. His house does have a gory past and I have been sitting in it with him and he hurts shit banging around on the second floor. Random footsteps coming down the stairs and the chandeliers moving around for no apparent reason. The shows are bullshit for sure because I've been there when they film. What they do is generally send a producer and cameraman, yep, and sometimes only cameraman,

they also like to send local paranormal experts who generally looks like Dolly Parton, fuck the cousin, had some weird mutant offspring to tag along and to help find the ghosts. The cameraman will set up his camera, and if you had a laptop or, you know, and I guess I can iPad with a script, you read from the script,

well here she films, then they will move around the house to stage shots to go along with the script. How do I know this? Because I was the fucking ghost? Haha! For his episode of My Ghost Story, yeah that's me banging shit around upstairs. You're welcome viewers.

Watch the paranormal state segment called Satan Soldier, my dad, and it explains the history of the house. The My Ghost Story episode, a camera with a name can be found if you search for Fort Wayne. Good money to be made if that's your thing and people believe in it like it's gospel. If you read, please, this tippy- to please tell my wife Danielle that Rockle loves you're all that sweet and I'm going to haunt that ass when I get home from work. Nice. Danielle you're gonna haunt that ass. You might have to get some of Woody's paranormal paranormal repellent. He's coming for your high knee. Wee.

Shout out to my awesome friends on the Cult of the Curious Facebook page, Hail Loose to Feenam, my brother, and keep up that outstanding fucking work, Rocco Ames. Well, thank you for giving that update. And that's cool, like how you relayed that, A, you know, what happens on those shows is fake in your experience, but B, you have heard some shit that does not fake, that's very interesting. Very cool update now from New Timesucker Chad,

regarding the Candyman suck. Sometimes it's easy to forget that the people we talk about here on the suck, the victims of tragedies are all too real. Garrett reminds us writing, hey Dan, I'm a new listener. I found you via last podcast on the left. Just finished listening to the candy man episode. Joseph Allen Liles was my uncle. He went by Allen. I was born in 79 so I don't know him.

However, I grew up hearing my aunts and uncles, severed them total, and my father all talking about him and not knowing where he went or what happened. Always suspecting Dean's involvement. Yeah, Dean called the candy man killer. They didn't identify his body until only about five, six years ago at High Island, I believe. I may be wrong about that. I have to ask my aunt Donna. But I wanted to say, when you said his name on the podcast, I felt a bit of a chill go down my spine and then a sigh of relief that our family finally had closure when they identified and tied him to the many young men that were taken by Dean. Thank you for being thorough and giving Alan.

If even if only a line about his abduction and tiny voice, thank you sincerely Chad Grizzly Liles. Well thank you Chad man. Yeah man, I try to, you know, we talk about horrific things but try to be respectful of the victims and acknowledge you know what horrible things happen to them. Now time sucker Garrett Shapone writes in with another fun Ed and Lorraine Warren suck update.

This is about this legal case regarding the Stamboski versus Acley trial deer suck master general. I just finished last week's suck. I got really excited when you mentioned Stamboski versus Acleyley, Trial, Deer Suck Master General, I just finished last week's suck. You got really excited when you mentioned Stan Bavoski versus Ackley. I graduated law school in 2017. This was my favorite case we read about in law school. Great explanation of the holding, by the way.

However, I think you have missed the opportunity of reading some comedic gold in the form of a judge using legal language to shit all over the absurdity of this case. For example, quote, New York law fails to recognize any remedy for damages incurred as a result of the seller's mere silence applying instead the strict rule of caveat and to emptor. Therefore, the theoretical basis for granting relief even under the extraordinary facts of this case is elusive if not ephemeral. Pity me not but lend thy serious hearing to what I shall unfold. That's from William Shakespeare Hamlet. Also, from the perspective of a person in the position of the plaintiff herein,

a very practical problem arises with respect to the discovery of a paranormal phenomenon. Who are you going to call as a title song to the movie Ghostbusters asks? Applying the strict rule of caveat emptor to a contract involving a house possessed by poltergeist conjures up visions of a psychic or medium routinely accompanying the structural engineer and terminics man on an inspection of every home subject to a contract of sale. Yeah, and that's the legal language there. Keep on sucking. From Garrett, PS, I went to your show in Washington, DC, and last June, you probably don't remember

me, but I was the idiot afterward that mistook a Chad Daniels joke for New York. I remember you. And yeah, I get that about once a weekend. Someone's like, ah, man, I love your passport joke. And I just, I don't even correct him. I don't want to make him feel weird. Someone's like, yeah, thanks, man. And I think fucking two, Daniels.

Finally, last message, another ghost message. This time from Charles Jordan, so many ghosts. Charles wrote, saying, hello, I have a picture of a ghost encounter to share. This image was captured by a trail cam set up to catch trespassers on my grandparents' property in 2014. My car in the background set the camera off as I was leaving. Both of my grandparents had passed in 2011, 2012, knowing that was living here any longer.

Does this look like a lady in a dress to you? Also another related story, a couple years ago, my girlfriend, now wife Victoria and I were removing grandmother's quilts from this house before they were destroyed in the abandoned property. While washing them and preparing them to be vacuum sealed for storage, my wife made a comment about how my granny should be happy now that her handmade quilts were being protected and what detergent would be best to use on them since they were old. After this comment, directly after a bottle of detergent, one of the free and clear brands that doesn't have any dyes or scents falls off the shelf.

Happy sucking Charles Jordan. PS, this image is 100% unaltered. It is not Photoshopped edited, et cetera. It was taken straight from the trail cam as it is. Now, I have posted this picture that I'm talking about. It is spookiest shit on my Instagram, which is at Dan Cummins' comedy. So if you want to check it out, go there. Thanks everyone for riding in on today's Time Sucker Updates.

Thanks, time suckers. I need a net. We all did. Have a great week, time suckers. Don't get stuck in a muddy, license-fested, rat-filled trench while being gassed and burned by Germans this week. And keep on sucking! Oh shit!

Maybe like the squirrel nipples?