Timesuck with Dan Cummins - 117 - Harriet MF'n Tubman

Episode Date: December 10, 2018

Harriet Tubman! One of the most important conductors on the Underground Railroad. A brave, inspirational human being who escaped slavery in Maryland and ran to freedom in Pennsylvania in 1849 and then spent years helping hundreds of others do the same. She also helped the Union Army during the Civil War - working as a spy and nurse among other roles. After the Civil War ended, Tubman dedicated her life to helping impoverished former slaves, the elderly, and fought for women's rights. She went through a ton and did so much for so many and we Suck her today on Timesuck. Timesuck is brought to by Hims! Get a trial month of Hims for just $5 today right now while supplies last at ForHims.com/TIMESUCK Timesuck is also brought to by Leesa! $160 off the Leesa mattress at leesa.com/timesuck and enter promo code TIMESUCK at checkout! Want to try out Discord!?! Click HERE! Watch the Suck on Youtube: https://youtu.be/a0-ATdHOwgU Merch - https://badmagicmerch.com/ Want to try out Discord!?! https://discord.gg/tqzH89v Want to join the Cult of the Curious private Facebook Group? Go directly to Facebook and search for "Cult of the Curious" in order to locate whatever current page hasn't been put in FB Jail :) For all merch related questions: https://badmagicmerch.com/pages/contact Please rate and subscribe on iTunes and elsewhere and follow the suck on social media!! @timesuckpodcast on IG, @timesuckpodcast on Twitter, and www.facebook.com/timesuckpodcast Wanna be a Space Lizard? We're over 3500 strong! Click here: https://www.patreon.com/timesuckpodcast Sign up through Patreon and for $5 a month you get to listen to the Secret Suck, which will drop Thursdays at Noon, PST. You'll also get 20% off of all regular Timesuck merch PLUS access to exclusive Space Lizard merch. You get to vote on two Monday topics each month via the app. And you get the download link for my new comedy album, Feel the Heat. Check the Patreon posts to find out how to download the new album and take advantage of other benefits.

Harriet mother fucking tubman one of the most important conductors on the underground railroad a brave Inspirational human being We're all lucky to hear her tail today and and have a little bit of her light illuminate our sometimes too dark world She escaped slavery ran to freedom in 1849 and then spent years helping hundreds of others do the same She also helped the Union Army during the war working working as a spy among other roles. After the Civil War ended, Tubman dedicated her life to helping other impoverished former slaves and the elderly. And the past few years, her name has been the subject of controversy. Regarding the possibility of her image replacing Andrew Jackson's on the $20 bill, we're going to dig into all of that in so much more on today's man. Am I

lucky to be alive and free today? Inspirational edition of Time Suck. Happy Monday Time Suckers. Hail Nimrod. Lucifer Fena. Triple M. Bojangles and fuck Chicatillo and chicken Joe. Dan, come as a master sucker. Nimrod's profit. Sir sucks a lot. Suck dungeon sucks a cusher. And you are listening to time suck recording again in the cordal lane Idaho suck dungeon with

Reverend Dr Joe motherfucking paisley where winter has arrived. And we're so glad so many of you have sent in nice gifts to put up on the walls around us. Keep our spirits warm in the dark cold months of a north Idaho winter. Got really one really weird gift for the YouTube people watching this. Got some third eye sunglasses. So weird. Send them from thirdisunglasses.com. You got to you got to keep the rays off your third eye

Can't they'll let the the fluorescence lights, you know mess up my third eye got it got to have protection But yeah, thanks for the continued reviews everybody always appreciated getting close to 6,000 ratings and reviews on the US iTunes podcast chart alone each nice review or rating that you leave, I mean, anywhere, really helps more people find the suck. Keeps it relevant, keeps people checking it out, just like Yale Previews, keep people finding the good restaurants. So thanks for keeping us in the top 100

of the fastest growing comedy podcasts in the world all year long in 2018, time suckers. Happy to announce that the Happy Murder stand up tour for next year, the dates are out there now. They're booked. Not all of the ticket links are totally up and running on the clubs and a lot of different venues to coordinate with. But 2019 almost completely booked. Why am I calling it the Happy Murder tour? Well, because I fantasized about a lot of violence over the years of my Standard. If you listen to me, you know about that all too well. And I have some new standup along those same lines.

You know, just narcissistic strangers keep really irritating me. And To keep me from killing people in real life, I find it nice to kind of fantasize and just vent and get out of my system. And then other people will come to the shame and have that same cathartic release of like, yeah, fuck those people. Those people being rude out in public, speaking on their speaker phones, picking their asses, and then shaking on their people's hands, just doing lots of annoying unnecessary stuff. And a lot of other types of concepts being discussed in the new standup tour as well. So very, very excited that it's going to be coming to Bridgeport, Connecticut in 2019, New Brunswick, New Jersey, Philly, Salt Lake City, Birmingham, Atlanta, Georgia, Nashville, Miami,

Cleveland, Kansas City, San Francisco, Boston, Jacksonville, Grand Rapids, Michigan, Raleigh, North Carolina, you know, Omaha, Cincinnati, Los Angeles, San Diego, San Francisco, Phoenix, Indianapolis, Tampa, Orlando, Minneapolis, Tacoma, and more. A lot of other dates. You'll just have to check out it's at Dan Cummins Comedy on either Instagram or Facebook or Dan Cummins.tv. Just go to the website. Excited to, we bring in some new standup

to a lot of different places. And it's not gonna be a completely different set of material than the 2018 stuff, but I'm adding a lot of new material, shelving some of the material I did, because I haven't recorded anything from 2018. Just gonna pile it up, gonna stock pile it up, just keep building bits and then we'll see what they end up.

Also, thanks to everybody who checked out the TimeSug podcast.com store. It looks so good. Access to the redesign. And you can get to it from the Shopify store. You can get to it from the app or the TimeSug podcast.com website. Such a cool line of products now. You can hold and wear the suck really happy without the prayer candles and animal pins, windbreakers, beer glasses glasses and so much more turned out

And this is it for a while Not gonna be throwing out a big line of new products like that We just wanted to build up the store in 2018 so we can introduce you know fun things here and there in 2019 Thanks for letting us do that now So now let's get into it. Let's get into it meet sacks the time to suck Harriet mother fucking Tubman is here working wait. It's time for time suck. Not gonna lay out a bunch of context, historical context prior to the tale today. I'm gonna jump right into the timeline, you know, just just learn a relevant information as we go, shake

things up a bit from some previous sucks as far as structure. We're gonna get angry. On behalf of Harry Motherfuck and Tubman and the indignity she suffered, be inspired by her toughness and generosity of her spirits as she fought to overcome so much and help so many others do the same. So let's get into today's time suck timeline. Kicking off today's tale in 1787 when Harriet's mother Harriet Greene is born on a Maryland plantation. Harriet's family believed to have come to the United States

or come to be in the United States with the arrival of her maternal grandmother, a woman named Modesty. Modesty, the only grandparent of Harriet Tubman that any records are known to survive for, and Modesty was brought over from either Ghana or the Ivory Coast as a member of the Ashanti tribe, a soldier who a man named Athal Paterson. In the mid to late 18th century,

who had a 265 acre plantation in Dorchester County, Maryland, situated on the east side of the little black water river. Near its confluence with the large black water river, just a few miles from Chesapeake Bay in the Atlantic Ocean. Athal, Athal. Weird name, ATTT H-O W. Sounds like somebody with a list, try to say a column in asshole.

You know, maybe it was a little bit of accents. He's beautiful, Charles. What should we name our beautiful boy? Lila, Athal, another mouse to feed. Should drive him in the river. Oh, Charles, as though it is. As though it was a wonderful name, Charles. Superetho, fifth year, chance to be the destiny of this woman from the warf in front of his

home, Athao Paterson, probably shipped to Baco, Timber, grain, destined for England, and other markets received goods originating from the West Indies or England, as well as other trading points in New England along the Chesapeake Athal was a revolutionary war veteran modest farmer and slaveholder who could trace his roots in Dorchester County back to at least the end of the 17th century Intermarine for generations the Patissons and other old blood Eastern Shore families consolidated their control over vast tracts of dense Timberland rich marshlands, productive farms, modesty was impregnated, AKA possibly even probably raped, that's to be honest, by an unknown white man in either 1786 or 1787. No text, historical text used the word rape, but consent gets a little tricky when

someone owns you and can legally beat or kill you if you don't follow their wishes. Does it not? Modesty gave birth to a daughter, Tubman's mother, Harriet Green, nicknamed Ritt in 1787. And in 1787, Tubman's father is also born. Benjamin Ross, born on the nearby property of a man named Anthony Johnson, Benjamin being another slave. When Athal Patterson died in January 1797, he gave Harriet Ritt Green to his granddaughter Mary Patterson, you know, bequeathed her to Mary Patterson in his will, stating in his

will that he gave Mary, quote, Riddia and her increase until she and they arrived to 45 years of age. As terminology limited, Ritz and her children's terms of service to 45 years. It was this was intended to provide for Ritz eventual manumission, is it was called or freedom from slavery. Maryland manumissions have taken place even in the earliest days of slavery, never an informal procedure. Manumissions were taken quite seriously. We're often recorded in land records,

like deeds for each county. Some slaves were able to earn enough money to buy their own freedom, and on occasion slaves sued for their freedom, some eventually prevailing. Shitty for the, I'm guessing, overwhelming majority of slaves who lost their cases. How much that stock, you know,

you take your honor to court, sue for your freedom, and then you lose, and you get your fucking ass kicked, the second you leave the court. And then again, back to the owner's home, and then I'm guessing again and again and again. Not fun. A lot of, a lot of atos in this story.

In 1752, Marilyn passed a law restricting manumission by Will to slaves, quote, sound and body and mind capable of labor and not over 50 years of age. And this was, they did this to prevent slaveholders or estates from just avoiding responsibility for the care and maintenance of disabled or elderly slaves. In 1809, 29 year old Mary Paterson, Harriet, Rick Green's owner, Mary, who had Mary, to man named Joseph Brodus in 1800 would pass away.

So Mary passed away in 1809. Mary's first husband had already passed away in 1803. It's quick marriage. And then Ritt became the property of Mary's son, Edward Brodus. And Eddie won't end up feeling like honoring Grandpa's will when it's time to let Ritt go free at 45 years old. He's not going to do that. He's not going to give her that man.

You mentioned his classic Eddie, classic Eddie dickhead Brodus move. And when Eddie doesn't feel like letting Rick go, there really isn't, frankly, a lot she can do about it because she wasn't considered a citizen and had very limited rights. So a lot of this stuff is, you know this stuff is fucked up in so many different ways. But there could be these laws where it's like, yes, somebody technically can purchase their freedom at this age, but then when you're the only person paying them, you can make sure they never get enough money

in order to do that. They don't have rights unless some other wealthy person is gonna stand up for them, some wealthy plantation, which is highly unlikely, just they were just constantly just shit out of luck. Back in 1803, Mary Paterson, aka Mary Brodus, had married Anthony Johnson. At least people have a lot of different names in these sucks because people just died so much more often back then.

You know, people get married young at like 15, you know, their husband would die of like typhoid or whatever whatever the flu in three years and then they get remarried almost immediately because they were kind of dependent on somebody else to live. And then that person would die four years later and then they'd get married again. Not a lot of divorce back then, a lot of remarrying due to just young death. So yeah, so back in 1883, Mary Paterson, aka Mary Brotus, Mary Anthony Johnson shortly after her first husband died and Anthony Johnson, if you recall, from a few moments ago, was the man who owned Tubman's father and now their quote unquote property is combined,

which allows Tubman's parents Benjamin and Ritt to meet. That's probably the kind of long story of how her parents met and the two would soon wed. And no more is really known about Tubman's ancestors, partially due to a devastating fire set by an unknown arsonist destroying the Dorchester County Courthouse in May 1852. You know, it just destroyed a great deal of Dorchester County's historical records with that fire. So 1825, Harriet Tubman is born in 1825 on Anthony Johnson's property destined to become the

property of Anthony's stepson Eddie Dickhead Brothers. Or she might have been born in 1815, or she might have been born in 1820, because she was born in slavery, the exact date and even year of her birth is unknown. Her death certificate says she was born in 1815. Her gravestones says 1820.

Harriet herself believed she was born in 1825. Originally, she was born as Araminta Ross, known as Minty, called Minty by her parents. She was the fifth of nine children from Harriet, Ritt, Greene, and Ben Ross. Minty had four sisters, Lina, Mariah, excuse me, five sisters in Rachel, and four brothers, Robert, Ben, Henry, and Moses. So yeah, there's a whole group of them. So I guess, wait, it says four sisters, but then, oh, I'm sorry, I messed out. Four sisters, I was messed up with my own notes. I read Mariah and Ritty as two separate names.

No, Mendian four sisters, Lina, Mariah, Ritty, so in Rachel, there we go. That doesn't make sense. Four brothers Robert Ben Henry Moses. Okay, Harriet and her family did a variety of jobs as the farm on which they were born didn't require quite enough work to keep them all busy. Anthony and then later Eddie would hire her

and her parents and siblings out to other white families in this surrounding area. And apparently Harriet was a bit of a trou trouble maker for whom she was working for. Anthony constantly had to threaten her with being sold and separate from her family in order to get her to do what she was told. Now she is described in the historical text as trouble maker. Strange kind of phrasing to me. It's like, what's she really a trouble maker? Or was she just someone who really hated being bossed around by people who owned and beat her and her relatives?

I don't know if that's a troublemaker as much as, you know, just somebody who, like most of us, really wanted her freedom and didn't like the situation she was in this instance. So when Herod's mother was away from the cabin working in the, quote, unquote, big house, Herod was often tasked with carrying for her younger siblings, starting when she was five years old. When she wasn't much older than that, we don't have exact dates and ages for some of her childhood activities.

Harry was hired out to a man named James Cook. Supposedly, initially to learn weaving, but then she was initially instead sent out in harsh winter weather to set muskrat traps in a nearby marsh. And all likelihood, she's probably around seven or eight years old when she did this My god Whenever I read about what kids used to do or were forced to do in this case

I'm reminded to give my own kids more responsibility Kyle turns 13 years old in a few weeks and I wouldn't trust him to catch a muskrat if his life quite literally dependent on it Like if I was trapped in some kind of snowed in cabin with Kyler, just two of us and I broke in both my legs and we had to depend on him kind of catching some kind of food in order for both of us to survive, I think that both of us would quickly accept that we were just going to die. Yeah, like, I got a son. I need to go catch some muskrats for our gonersers. Uh, all right, Dad. Okay. All right, I love you. Dude, Kyler, why are you just taking off your boots and sitting down?

Have, let's not how you catch muskrats. Dad, you and I both know I couldn't catch a ham sandwich. Someone said it on a play right side of the door. I love you. I'm gonna go lay down and I'm gonna play Fortnite until I'm too weak to stay awake and we both die. Seven or eight was too young even for Harriet to catch muskrats. Of course it was.

And the winner work conditions broke her down and she eventually contracted measles, becoming too weak to work further. Her mother, Ridd, convinced Anthony to have a return home so she could recover. And then once her health improves, she was sent right on back to Mr. Koch's property. This time she really was supposed to learn how to weave,

but now she was a little irritated about the whole muskrat situation. She refused, became uncooperative. I get it. Once again, return home and I imagine based on what we're about to hear, probably beat severely. She was next hired out to a woman known locally as Miss Susan. Her task was to care for Miss Susan's newborn baby, young baby, and help out with household

chores. And Miss Susan was, I think it's okay to say when it came to slavery to very least real bitch, real ahto. It will you ahto. And I know in situations like this, you can't, well, what about Andrew Jackson? He was a slave holder too. Why didn't you call him a bitch? I think I did call him an asshole.

I made a piece of shit that whatever the traditional male equivalent to bitch is. And if I would have read the following account about him, I'm sure would have come up with a lot more names. Young Harriet's job, excuse me, was to make sure that Miss Susan's baby didn't cry overnight. She tried her best to comfort the baby by constantly holding and rocking the baby. She did everything she could think of to keep the baby quiet. Because one of the baby wasn't quiet, and the infant cried out, Miss Susan would come in and whip the shit out of Harriet Would whipper on the back of the neck whip her so hard it would leave scars she'd have for the rest of her long life Whipped for not keeping a baby quiet

I feel like that's a good way to end up with a severely shaken or smothered baby Shaking a baby is obviously terrible terrible thing to do But when you're forced to stay up withrible thing to do, but when you're forced to stay up with the baby all night, and then when you're whipped, when that baby cries, gotta be really tempting, just to shake the shit out of that baby. Especially when that baby is the child of the person whipping you.

Especially when you, yourself, or our kids, just shut the fuck up, baby. Shut the fuck up. The baby cries and it gets the pillow. It's shh shh shh shh. The baby cries and it gets a good, solid pillow nap. It's okay.

I'm not gonna kill ya. Just long enough to make you go to sleep. Just long enough to keep you quiet. Just long enough so when you're older, you have a, you have a little harder time learning reading and arithmetic than your classmates. Harriet would also be whipped due to what Ms. Susan deemed to be improper cleaning techniques.

That's how I was written regarding the baby. No idea exactly what that's about. Just maybe if you're not gonna be quiet, baby. I'm gonna wipe your ass in a real interesting way. I'm gonna wipe your ass right up until you're stupid fucking mouth. You like that, baby? You like tasting shit? Huh, maybe that'll keep you quiet.

Maybe you need a little shit sandwich. Keep it from getting me in constant trouble. Uh, and then one day Harriet stole a lump of sugar from his Susan and was so scared she went to a neighboring farm and she hid in there a pig pen for three days. She was that frightened of being beaten. And then when she was caught, uh, she was of course beaten. So, virally, and then she was sent back to her master,

Anthony Johnson. And this is all when she's a kid. Man, can you imagine if that was your kid, getting treated like that? So desperate for sweets, so desperate for a little bit of kindness, so deprived of anything other than the most basic foods needed just to keep living. The risk in a savage beating,

just to have literally a little lump sugar it's like less like a shitty equivalent of a of a fucking Halloween fun-sized or kids eyes candy bar today risk in a uh... a severe beating hiding for three days he stole a half a bar of a kick-cat and this was the norm back then and here we continue uh... to do odd jobs for various white families in the area until the early 1830s,

ish, until around the age of 12 when she began working fields doing hard manual labor. Unreal. Not to keep throwing my 12-year-old son kind under the bus. He's a great kid and I love him. He does well in school. He's nice to his classmates. He's funny, but I cannot imagine him working in a field of any kind. I can't imagine him doing literally anything in a field

for one day, for not one whole day. Even if he didn't have to work, I can't imagine him spending just a day in a field. Like if he didn't have an iPhone or a PS4 or some fucking granola bars with chocolate chips in him or some kind of cheese sticks or something, maybe some chocolate milk or some root beer. And then have to work really hard on top

of just being in the field and then working out of the constant stress of worrying about being whipped by some asshole. Think about the reality of the life of American slaves for a second. Like put it in today's context. Imagine for a second, put in your mind's eye, put on your third eye sunglasses, if you have them

to keep it from getting to a dance. No, but imagine in your mind's eye, put on your third eye sunglasses, if you have them, keep it from getting to a dance. No, but imagine in your mind's eye, like, if your boss, this is a reality, it is legally allowed to whip the shit out of you whenever they want, for whatever reason they want, and you're not allowed to quit. Like if you quit, they can beat you to death. They might be able to beat you to death anyway, but for sure, if you quit and you're not going to have any value for

them, like there's a real chance of that. You know, that's that is unreal to me. If you put that into 2018 context, you know, just, I'll just, I'll tell you about the positive Linda. I said, you offer the customer the option of printing out their current balance. Well, you forget again, I will lock you in the fucking bank vault with no food or water, Customer the option of printing out their current balance. Whip-haw! You forget again, I will lock you in the fucking bank vault with no food or water, no potty breaks. And we can see if you can remember that shit tomorrow. And then just a couple more whip cracks for the hell of it.

Does that sound insane? Cause it is, it is fucking insane. But reality, for so many human beings, all throughout history, for so many African Americans, you know, pretty civil war for people like Harriet Tubman. It's hard. It's hard to process that reality for me. Physical field work was actually preferred by Harriet rather than the typical kind of domestic work handed out to women, at least I guess you got to be outside, maybe around other people she enjoyed their company. She did enjoy it at least until a nasty head injury

that would leave her with occasional seizures and pain the rest of her life resulted, you know, partially from her kind of having outdoor work because sometimes rather than just, you know, like working and harvesting, you know, agriculture, whatever she had to do, other kind of like run errands. And sometimes in the mid-late, 1830s, she was working for a family and then would

send out with one of the cooks to a local store to pick up some supplies for the kitchen. When they got there, they encountered another slave that was attempting to flee from his owner. The slave master called out to Harriet to stop him as he was running by her, but she intentionally ignored this demand, let the slave slip by. And then in an incredible active bravery, it would speak to how she would live the rest of her life. She's only around 12, 13, 14 years old this time.

She stood in the doorway and attempted to stop this master from catching their runaway slave. And then the guy grabbed two pounds scale weight, sitting on nearby counter, through it, at either the runaway slave or her, something, I mean, most things say he threw it at the runaway slave, but I don't know. If this, if that's true, then he's a real, real bad shot. He's right next to her because what happens is, you know, he hits her just directly in the

head with his two pound weight and almost kills her. You know, and I'm guessing,... you know she probably got screamed at for for causing problem and for getting in the way of him catching this this guy after she got her head smashed in i doubt any apologies were handed out the following day the man who threw the weight was thankfully mall to death uh... by dog thought to be uh... none other than bojangles only three pop prints let away from his body in some people in the area of

port scene a very muscular, extremely handsome charismatic one eye three-legged pit bull hanging out nearby. One witness reported to seeing the dog smoke a cigar like a badass human. Some cigars had been stolen from another, especially cruel slave owner in the area who was found torn limb from limb, also possibly by dog, although money was also stolen, which would make that less likely if that dog was now bow jangles, defender of freedom and defender fighter of slavery.

If you're confused new listener, aka sub virgin, bow jangles is our mascot. And one of several recurring characters, he's a good boy, he loves freedom, he fights for it, good boy, good boy, boy, good boy. Unfortunately, I don't think anything bad happened to this guy who smashed young Harry in the head with a two pound weight. If it did, it doesn't look like it was anything was written about it.

Later in life, Harry would save this incident, the weight broke my skull and cut a piece of that shawl clean off and drove it into my head. They carried me to the house, all bleeding and fainting. I had no bed, no place to lie down at all, and they laid me on the seat of the loom, and I stayed there all day in the next. And then despite the obvious severity of her injury, she was quickly forced a few days later back into the fields. Her wound had not fully healed yet. It would continue to bleed while she worked. She would later say that the blood and sweat would combine and pour down her face to such an amount,

such a degree that she had trouble seeing anything. Her owner, Daddy Dickhead Brodus, just a child, when he received her, tried numerous times to sell Harriet after this incident, but no one was willing to pay for his slave that had been injured and was deemed to be weak. Many historians research today think that she would suffer from temporal lobe epilepsy

for the rest of her life due to this injury specifically. Spouts of unconsciousness, headaches, and seizures would plague her until the day she died. Harriet and deeply devout Christian woman would attribute these visions, she called them, she probably had due to the head trauma to religious experiences. But I'm all likely to probably an epileptic episode or maybe some vivid dreams. And again, Harriet would be a devout Christian for entire life. Slaves were often required to attend church with her owners and masters. Thomas Garrett, a noted abolitionist who would later work with Harriet on the Underground Railroad, Railroad once said that he never met with any person of any color who had more confidence in the

voice of God as spoken direct to her soul, her faith in a supreme power truly was great. In 1836, Harriet was hired out to John T Stewart, a plantation owner, businessman, shipbuilder, the move allowed her to be closer to her father Benjamin, who was also working in the shipyard at this time starting in Stuart's home doing the usual domestic duty. She quickly worked her way back out into the fields where she preferred to be and then onto the docks and then eventually even into the timber yards. I hear it would prove her worth in these typically male-dominated jobs, you know, jobs such as chopping and hauling wood. It was in these areas where she would learn about secret communication, the secret communication that was in place between groups of black men and women in this

surrounding areas, knowing how to utilize these lines of communication would later play a big role in Harry's use of the underground railroad. Around half of the black population of the area was free at that time, so word could spread farther if need be. If people are trying to escape, they had more friends, if you will, Maryland, then they may have another state, especially farther down south. Obviously. It was, it was while Harriet was working for Mr. Stewart that she met the man who had become her first husband, John Tubman. John was a black man born free. The son of free parents, not much is known about how the couple actually met or what type of relationship they had, but everyone is pretty sure that they quote did it at least a few times.

In all likelihood, a story instinctive booze were grabbed and penises of a giant as well touched and pleasurable waste. One current Harvard professor and publisher story in Anzell Wilhelm said quote, while a lot of the original documents in Loster destroyed enough entries and John's diary have survived to give us relative certainty that vaginal penetration indeed did take place and was enjoyed immensely by both parties. No notes have survived relating to either oral or anal pleasure. And of course that's not true. Pretty sure no Harvard historian has written a sentence like that about anyone.

Uh, ever. Sorry, sorry guys, I just, I can't keep a class. It's not what I do. Hell is to Fina. John and Harriet would marry in 1844 kind of. The marriage was only spiritual because Harriet was still a slave. She had no legal rights and therefore could not be legally married. Also, because she was a slave, if the two had any kids, uh, they would immediately become the property of Harriet's owner Edward Dickhead, Brodus, old Eddie Dickhead, which may have factored into them, never having kids. In 1849, when Harry was around 24, 25 years old,

and all like that, or maybe around 30, or maybe 35, again, dates are funny. Fun with dates, when birthdays are uncertain. When Harry was probably around 25, her owner Eddie Brodus was falling into debt, and was looking to sell some slaves in order to make up the difference pay off his debts. Minty, as Harry was known at that time, began fearing that she, as well as her brothers, might be sold to a much dreaded Southern plantation where living conditions would be far worse

and where no free black men or no free black women lived in the area. Because of this fear, she began praying every night later saying, I prayed all night long for my master to the first of March. And then when a prayer still hadn't been answered a short time later as far as, you know, maybe getting a shit together and not having to sell anybody, she decided to change her prayer to O Lord. If you

ain't never going to change that man's heart, kill him Lord and take him out of the way. And then one week later, her prayers were answered and Edward Brodus became ill and died at the age of 48. Hail him, Rod! Being a deeply religious woman, Harriet would later say she was riddled with guilt. You know, she felt that her prayers had a lot to do with his death. And I'm guessing while she never admitted this, she had to have been on some level happy shit.

I mean, come on. Ding dong, the dick is dead, the dick is dead, the dick is dead. With her former owner out of the picture, her and her family's fate unfortunately became more uncertain though. Slave's would often be auctioned off after their owner's deaths. And now the fear of being sold just became a real reality for Harriet and some of her family members

and they could be sold in a variety of ways and all split apart. Three of Harriet's sisters had already been sold and she was determined to prevent her other siblings from suffering the same fate. The time had finally come for Minty Tubman to plan their escape and preparation for their escape. You know, she officially changed her name from Aram into Ross to Harriet Tubman. It's believed she chose the name Harriet in order to honor her mother. With some money, she managed to save from her time of the shipyard, as well as the underground railroad contact she had made there, Harriet convinced two of her brothers to join her in her run for freedom.

Her husband John Tubman was in no immediate danger since he was already free and he decided to stay for the time being. Seems a little bit nuts to me, but I know the details of their exact relationship. On September 17th, 1849, Harriet and her brothers, Harry and Ben. That's kind of funny. Harry and Harriet. But Harry and Ben set off for the trip to Philadelphia. As the time of their escape, Harriet had actually been hired out to Anthony Thompson, her new owner, Eddie's widow Eliza Brodus, wouldn't even know they had escaped

until two weeks after they left. So that was a nice little head start. Man, I bet when Eliza found out that she was gone, there was, there was some hell to pay for some of the people who remained. Why, just remember the last scene? Two weeks ago? Two weeks. And no one thought to mention anything to me.

It's almost as if the rest of you don't enjoy being here. It's almost as if the rest of you don't enjoy being here. It's almost as if the rest of you would also like to escape. When Eliza realized it run away, she rushed to get a notice out in a local paper called the Cambridge Democrat. And on October 3rd, 1849, an ad was sent out offering a $300 reward

for the return of Harriet and two of her brothers now fugitives. Fearing their eventual capture and subsequent punishment, Harry and Ben decide to head back, which is crazy to me. I'd be so worried about punishment that I'd be met with if I returned voluntarily, because I don't think you get a welcome back home party thrown in your honor when you return after running away. You know, just there's no sympathy. There's no like, hey, please, please don't do that again. You had me worried sick. Now eat some stew. You must be famished.

No, I'm guessing you were just punished, you know, worse of cop, but I'm guessing you still were punished severely, even when you turned yourself in. Sad that they had to live in that much fear. Harriet traveled back with her brothers to make sure they returned safely. And then afterward traveled back of North by herself. Brave ass lady, man, she didn't have to head down with them, but she traveled Harry Mother fucking Tubman. She's not going back without a fight. I wish I could travel back in time, just give her a bigel hug.

And this is just the beginning of her inspirational story. Using the North Star as a guide and sometimes help from, or I guess some timely help, excuse me, from a local white quaker woman, possibly Hannah Leverton or Hester Kelly, brave locals who later admitted to being abolitionists in the area. Harriet successfully made the 90, nearly 90 mile trek back up to the, to, to, to Pennsylvania on foot and alone in the dark, the vast majority of the time.

Can you imagine, try, you know, traveling 90 miles in the dark on foot through the woods? Right? When people, if you get spotted by anybody, there's a good chance you can be, you know, taken back to a, where somebody owns you and beaten. God, the exact round she took, impossible to know, thought she traveled by night and recover of darkness to North, northeast along the Chop Tank River up to Delaware until she made it to Pennsylvania. Harriet would later reminisce about this moment saying, when I found I had crossed the line, meaning obviously Pennsylvania,

I looked at my hands to see if I was the same person. There was such a glory over everything. The sun came through the trees and over the field and I felt like I was in heaven. Once settled in Philadelphia, Harriet found work doing various domestic tasks and homes and hotels. All the while saving as much money

she could in hopes of returning to Maryland to rescue more of her family. She enjoyed her freedom. Obviously, but she also became super homesick. Saying later, I had crossed the line, I was free, but there was no one to welcome me to the land of freedom. I was a stranger in a strange land, and my home after all was down in Maryland, because my father, mother, my brothers, and sisters, and friends were there.

But I was free, and they should be free. And it was this unselfish desire to free her loved ones and others that motivated and led her into becoming arguably the greatest liberator out of the underground railroad conductors. The great liberator she is now famous for being. The next year in 1850, Harriet received word that her niece, Cassaya, and Cassaya's two kids, James and Araminta were to be sold at auction. She rushed back to Maryland as soon as she could, despite being a fugitive slave who could be captured and returned to her former master at any time.

She stayed at the house of Cassaya's husband, John Bowley, a free black carpenter, a ship carpenter. The day of the auction, Bowley submitted the winning bid for his wife and kids, and the three of them were immediately shuffled offstage, where the family fled to a nearby house owned by another black, free black family. The following night, they found passage on a boat to Baltimore and proceeded on to Philadelphia from there. A few months later, Harry returned to Baltimore and proceeded on to Philadelphia from there a few months later Harry returned to Baltimore again risking her own freedom

Again and helped her younger brother Moses traveled north to freedom. I have never done Just any anything anywhere near that brave in my entire life and now she's done it twice Harry took a liking to her nephew James Bowie and and paid for his at school in St. Catherine's in Ontario because she was a fucking saint. He studied to become a school teacher there after the Civil War Bowie would actually go on to teach in South Carolina and later be elected to the legislature of reconstruction in South Carolina. Random funny story note, legend has it that when Harriet was taking her trips down into slave owning states, she never made a trip without packing a pistol.

She not only used it to potentially fend off people who were trying to capture them, but she also used it as a deterrent for any slaves who might change their mind long the way. Rather than risk the slave turning back and possibly sharing information about the workings of the underground railroad, Harriet would brandish the weapon when people got nervous and remind people that dead men tail no tails. Harry motherfucking Tobin. Hail loose Fina. Oh, loose Fina loves you, Harry Tobin.

1850, not a good year for American slaves. Terrible, terrible year for free black men and free black women living in America. The fugitive slave act had originally been passed in 1793, which made it legal to return runaway slaves to their owners if they were found and convicted in a jury trial. But with this original law, state law officials were not to be used in the apprehension of these individuals. And this law was basically for decades ignored all together in the North, where many people were opposed to the notion of slavery anyway. However, with the passing of an updated version of the law in 1850, a corruption began to run rampant, even in free northern states.

Local law officials and federal marshals were now tasked with capturing anyone, even suspected of being a runaway slave, and then an effort to incentivize officers to not assist anyone thought to be a fugitive. The officer would face a thousand dollar fine if they failed to report or arrest someone they suspected of being a slave. So basically they're being, you know, coerced into arresting all, you know, black men and women in the North. And you might think if you're a weak listener, yeah, but after listing last week, I know that Law enforcement was incredibly amateur and unorganized in America back in 1850, the

year that last week sucked subject to Pinkerton's were founded in Chicago, and you're right. They weren't real good at tracking down specific people back in 1850, however, you don't have to be really good at tracking down a specific person. If you don't need to grab a specific person, if you can just grab any person of color and be like, yeah, I think this person looks like who we're looking for and no one's going to fight you. And you know, you're worried about being fined if you don't do that.

You don't need to be good at law enforcement. You just need to be good at like telling the difference between somebody who is a fair skinned and someone who is dark skinned. You just need to be an unscrupulous bounty hunter because they also got rewards. Officials who recover to slave were given a bonus or bounty upon return.

So, you know, quote unquote law enforcement could just simply declare that, yeah, yeah, you seem like a runaway slave to me. And you can just, you know, grab them, take them down south. If it's not somebody's runaway slave, somebody else is going to buy this person and you get money from that. And, you know, so you get money either way. So, eventually, this new law or just, you know, or version, this new version of an existing law just creates a bunch of bounty hunters. Yes, yes, yes, not good, not good.

And then combine all of this with this, another aspect of the new law stating that anyone caught harboring or feeding a fugitive slave is subject to a fine of a thousand dollars as well, and up to six months in jail. And now you got, you know, all kinds of previously-free northerner is getting enslaved. If you're like a white northerner, you could know that your black neighbor is a free man. But when you, some Shady-ass bounty hunter starts threatening you with six months in jail and a thousand dollar fine for helping your neighbor, when you maybe have ten dollars to your

name, and are you going know, possibly going to jail? Possibly in a huge fund, it's gonna financially cripple your family and make it harder for you to put food on the table. Are you going to do that for your neighbor? Are you gonna risk all that? I feel like Harriet Tubman would risk all that. But would you?

Would I? I mean, I'd love to say yes, but saying it's easy when you don't have to suffer or worry about real consequences. Yeah, just this new version new version of the law put everybody in a real shitty spot. It made life very, very, very hard for a free African American, you know, men and women living in the North and for any runaway slaves who have made it to the North. Okay, in 1851, despite all this, Harriet makes another trip to Maryland to reconnect with her husband, John.

Did you forget about him in this story? I did I forgot she was married She hasn't seen him since she ran away, you know two years prior She'd hoped to bring him up to Pennsylvania to finally join her in freedom But was then devastated to find out that in the two years since she'd left he'd married another woman She'd returned to Pennsylvania heartbroken or she would return, excuse me, to Pennsylvania heartbroken. But now at least I guess she could devote all of her time and she would devote all of her time and energy to freeing fellow slaves. John and his new bride, if you're curious, would go on to have four kids together and as

far as I know, a happy life. I mean, relationships bit different in the days before text messages, weren't they? I mean, even people not living in hiding who weren't runaway slave fugitives had a hard time staying and touch back then. For the average person, it could just take a few months for a letter to get from some city on, let's say the East Coast to, let's say if you know you met somebody in England or someplace like that or if you met somebody somehow that moved to the West Coast, you know, take a few months for their letter to get back to you. Like, you can meet some girl or dude you liked. And then if they lived across the country or you're across the pond, you know, you send them a letter saying you love them.

You want to like, you know, pursue a romantic relationship with them. And then they could send a letter back to you saying, oh, that sounds great, but they did just barely meet somebody, you know, and they're, you know, they, that sounds great, but they did just barely meet somebody. And they're gonna go on another date with them or whatever. And then you can be like, no, no, no, don't, don't hold everything, don't go on a date with them. But by the time that letter makes it to them, they're engaged. And you're heading out to see them

and they send the letter back to you saying this but it doesn't reach you. And then by the time you actually make it to them, they're married and pregnant. Fuck, I'm like, I know Tinder and other dating apps aren't perfect, but they're a little better than that kind of system. Now, and this is why people just tended to marry

whoever the hell was close back then. You know, you just married whoever was in your town, or maybe like the farmer's daughter next door, you know, because long distance relationships just really tough back then, real bummers back then. You know what is good for relationships though? Today's first sponsor. Confidence is good for relationships.

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This will cost hundreds. If you went to the doctor or a pharmacy, go to four hymns.com slash time suck. That's F-O-R-H-I-M-S dot com slash time suck for him.com slash time suck link in today's episode description. Now back to the story of someone who didn't have the luxury of worrying about hair loss or skin care. Before we go further in the timeline, let's talk for a moment here about the underground railroad that Harriet Tubman would devote so much of her life to. Despite what the name may indicate, the underground railroad was neither

underground nor a railroad. And if you look enough on YouTube, it is kind of sad how many people don't understand that. Some people think that back in the mid 19th century, a vast, literally underground network of railroads was built with fucking trains and everything, which is preposterous. The nation was barely getting trains above ground at that time. They didn't have just hundreds and hundreds of miles of underground tunnels. I don't know how anyone would believe that, but people do.

No, not a railroad. It was actually a system of above ground, just like trails. Some of it was wormholes. There were some wormholes created by wizards to help Sasquatches and unicorns escape from hunters and early cryptosoologists. That, of course, not true. No, it was just a term, underground is a term used

because the runaway slaves were trying to remain as inconspicuous as possible, appear to be off the grid, railroad with the term used, because various routes to the north and elsewhere out of the country were being used for mass transportation Those who helped orchestrate and operate these routes would use and it wasn't like roads or anything It was it could literally just be like like trails or not even like a noticeable trail. Just like this is the area you head through But yeah, those who helped orchestrate and operate these routes would use code that originated from the railroad industry

In order to secretly communicate. Here's some of the code words. The conductor was whoever was leading a group of slaves north. Stations were just safe houses, just the homes of people, you know, friendly to the cause. Station masters were owners of the safe houses. A parcel was a term used for a group of fugitives expected to to arrive up north, a load of potatoes, described slaves hiding under produce in a wagon. And I guess parcel couldn't, you know, didn't have to be up north. It could be like a parcel could be expected to arrive at a station, a safe house.

There could be in the south. Heaven was freedom, so they weren't always just train terms, just other secret code words. A drinking gourd, describe the big, dipper star formation that they would use heavily in navigation, you know, navigating up north. The phrase is, fuck that guy. He's a snitch and cut that motherfucker. We're also used to describe pro slavery parties or bounty hunters

not interested in helping anyone's escaped freedom, which of course is nonsense. Messages were also incorporated into songs that slaves would sing while working to inform others that their plans were escape and to pass on information of how they themselves could escape. So I didn't know this. I knew it was common like in plantations and such out in the field for people to sing songs to boost their spirits and pass the time.

I didn't know that they did a lot of these songs were, you know, full of code words to help people move along the underground railroad and escape to freedom. Wade in the water. Tubman used the song Wade in the water to tell slaves to get into the water to avoid being seen and make it through to the north. Not from sure if this one has a, uh, a, you know, standard melody over them. Some of these songs didn't. You know, you listen to different renditions of these songs on YouTube and people's interpretations of these songs and the melody can change substantially. So forgive me. This is the way you're used to hearing it, but the chorus would be Wade in the water,

Wade in the water children. Like, Wade in the water, God's going to the water. Who are those children all dressed in red? God's gonna trouble the water. Must be the ones that Moses led. Steal away with the song slaves would sing, let others know that someone's about to escape. You know, steal away to Jesus, steal away, steal away home. I ain't got long to stay here.

My Lord calls me, he calls me both the thunder, the trumpet sounded in my soul. I ain't got long to stay here. My lord calls me, he calls me both the thunder, the trumpet, sounded in my soul. I ain't got long to stay here. I don't know how to fucking sing these, but I feel we're just renal lyrics. I couldn't locate the official name, but this next song was sung.

It's sometimes just kind of distract. Master just kind of used it to get this song into slave master's heads, to get them kind them frustrated and thinking about the song and maybe notice the possible escape. It was heavenly Father watching us all. We take from each other, give nothing at all. Well, it's a dog on shame, but never too late for change.

So if your luck runs low, just reach out and call his name. His name, Yamo Be there, oh, oh, another Yamo B there. Yamo B there. Oh, oh, another Yamo B there. Fucking nailed it! I don't think I've ever Michael motherfucking Mcdonaldy with the furl, full, first verse, no music in my ears. That was from the heart.

That was just, that's imprinted on my soul now. God, that was good. Hope you enjoyed that. Back to series this now. The song that, of course, was not a, not a slave song. And my head, I just hope that someone was like, I'm so sick of this silly bullshit in this podcast, but they, this is like the first episode they listened to and they're not used to just nonsense. And, and for the rest of their lives, they think that the song, Yom will will be there. It was actually originally like a slave song, song and fields. The song, Sweet Chariot. I didn't know this. I do know the song, Sweet Chariot. It seems that that song, in all likelihood, started off as a slave song, song to inform

surrounding slaves that the Sweet Chariot, aka Underground Railroad, was going to swing low, come down south, and take them to freedom up north, carry me home. So that swing low, sweet chariot, common folder, carry me home. Right? We know that one. Some people do think that song was written by a slave named Wallace Willis, who may have also written steal away to Jesus.

Not much is known about Willis, and there is no definitive proof of the song's exact origins, but a lot of people think it was that guy. The song, Follow the Drinking Gourd, was the most complex song of this ilk in terms of hidden messages. It basically laid out step-by-step instructions

of how to get from Alabama to Ohio specifically. And again, I'm going to try to sing this. It's my own melody. I did look up this one quite a bit. I watched a variety of versions. And again, everyone's singing differently. But you know, it's something like, uh, when the sun comes back and the first quail calls, follow the drinking, good, for the old man is a waiting for to Carry you the freedom if you follow the drinking God

The river bank I fuck this is too long for me keep doing says the river bank makes a very good road I'm two verses in I'm already like how do I keep this up the river bank makes a very good road the dead trees We'll show you the way. Left foot, peg foot, traveling on, follow the drinking gourd. The river ends between two hills, follow the drinking gourd. There's another river on the other side, follow the drinking gourd. When the great big river meets the little river, follow the drinking gourd. For the old man is waiting for his care, you'd freedom, follow the drinking gourd for the old man is waiting for you to carry you freedom Follow the drinking gourd could help myself

Got into it there at the end Song starts off I tell him when you win to start your journey in the spring when the sun comes back and the quail starts calling Specifically in April the drinking gourd is a reference to the consolation as we said before of the big dipper Use that to navigate northward O man not a good slang for the rank of Captain. Though there is no proof that this guy existed, it is rumored that a former sailor named or referred to, this is clearly not his birth name, Peg Leggeau, was one of the people who met you on the bank of the Ohio River.

The river bank makes a very good road that refers to the bank of the Tom Biggie River. Dead tree showed away, means that if you feel as though you've lost direction, moss grows on the north side of dead trees, mostly on the dead side of North Trees. So if you find a dead tree, you find your way. Sometimes people would mark trees with mud or charcoal if moss was lacking. Left foot peg foot again, references to supposed peg leg Joe. The river ends between two hills. That can mean two things. Either it could mean that the path they're referring to could be between the Whittle Mountain and another smaller mountain or that Whittle Mountain

has what's known as a twin cone profile. So the two hills may be just one mountain. The river is on the other side. That's the Tennessee River. When the great big river meets the little river is the area in Paduka, Kentucky, where the Tennessee River intersects with the Ohio River. For the old man is a waitin'. Once again, refers to this fucking Pegleg Joe character.

It said that he would wait on the banks to the Ohio River and guide people there once he made it across. And I imagine you have to be thinking, Pegleg Joe has to be one of my made up naughty lies. No, there really was possibly a strange character in the tale of the Underground Railroad referred to as Pegleg Joe.

And that whole, that whole moss thing, yeah, that is a true navigational thing where like moss does, does tend to ground more on the north side of trees in the northern hemisphere and the southern hemisphere grows more on the south side of the tree and on a on a flatter if it doesn't grow at all because that's fucking horset. Okay. Now let's talk about some dates and routes. It's believed the underground railroad began around 1810. It would operate through the passage of the Emancipation Poculomation in 1863, reached prominence from 1850 to 1860 with estimated that around 100,000 slaves made the run to freedom during that decade alone, pretty incredible. There were three primary major routes with several other lesser known less popular routes

that we won't get into today, because again, it's not like this formalized thing. Not really, they would just have, you know, some routes would just kind of develop organically based on people that were friendly to the cause that they could find to let runaway slaves stay in their homes, you know, based on, you know, whoever was kind of leading the group that time.

But the Eastern route, the main Eastern route, ran mainly from Richard Virginia, with some joining from his far south as a gust of Georgia, others as far west as Knoxville, Tennessee, this route would make stops in Philly, New York and Boston. And alternative route for those held captive in the coastal cities of Georgia, South Carolina and North Carolina was to head north via boat and arrive in the port cities of New York or Boston. Slaves living in the southern portion of Georgia, down into Florida would often choose to head south to the very tip of Florida and head towards the Bahamas, the route in the center of the country stretched from New Orleans all the way to St. Paul, Minnesota,

roughly 1200 miles. That route forks to the Kentucky Missouri border with those choosing the Eastern route, generally heading up to Detroit and those choosing the Western route, generally headed toward St. Paul or heading to St. Paul. Some also chose to head to North from the fork and make it to Chicago for slaves on the Western border of Missouri. Someone head west and hook around the top of the state by going through Kansas and Nebraska territories and finally stopping in Cedar Rapids, that area of Iowa. And it's typical journey to freedom. Generally began on a Saturday night or on Sunday

because the slave owners did, you know, generally go to church on Sundays, which does blow my mind. I know it's just a different time, but how weird is that? Can I get a pray to God about how to be the best slave owner you can be? Slave owners, God's own image.

I mean, how truly ridiculous is that? And I'm joking around, but slave owners did tend to be very religious, tend to be Protestant Christians specifically, you know, so they would pray directly to God and sense people tend to pray obviously about what's going on and generally what's going wrong in their lives. You know that when slaves would run away, a lot of these Southern Christians would just pray for their slaves to be returned to them. So people, you know, truly, at various points in history,

we'll get down on their knees, cross their fingers, and just be like, dear Heavenly Father, please, please let someone catch my runaway slave, dear Lord, it's not like a beat them that often. You know Lord, you know my heart is pure. I mean, sure, sometimes, you know, I whip them when they, and they do sinful stuff like this So, baby dear Lord, or be tired after 20 days in a row of working in a hot field

For 14 hours a day Price Jesus look at me like I was being sinful when I was whipping one of their friends or kids dear Lord Please God, let someone stop them from reaching their place where they can live their own lives and keep their own money and Earn and raise children's AC fit. Please dear dear Lord, please bring it back to me for some righteous beatings. Dear Lord, let me let me beat them nearly to death and then put them back to horrific, back breaking work and just please God, let me get back to treating them like the animals. I think they're to be oh Lord, thank you Jesus, say man.

It's fucking crazy that that that would happen. But you know what it did? You know what did. And people doing it believe they were righteous as they were doing it. We can be the most insane species. God, us meat sacks can be some crazy folk. But seriously, most slaves would have Sunday off because everybody be at church.

So if they were to sneak out late Saturday night or early Sunday morning, they could get about a 24 hour head start on their slave masters noticing they were gone. Slave typically would run to nearby location where they'd been told they could meet a conductor. They would ordinarily hide and rest during the day, reduce their chances of being spot as we talked about Harriet earlier. In like with her, once night fell, they'd proceed under cover darkness when it was cooler, harder to be seen. If you were a slave on the run on the Underground Railroad, your group would just trek through, you know, woods, fields, over mountains through streams, cross rivers.

All the while following that North Star, following the Big Dipper, if it was a cloudy night, you know, and you couldn't rely on the sky for direction, you know, then you'd have the moss on trees to kind of fall back on, you know, like I mentioned earlier I mentioned earlier, because the Northern Hemisphere again, it tends to grow more on the north side of the tree. You'd travel, you'd make stops at the homes of trusted allies where you could rest comfortably, get something to eat. Some station masters would have transportation for you in the form of a wagon, you'd lay hidden under some kind of hay or other crop and be driven to the next town.

Hopefully you find your way to the home of somebody who had a stockpile of supplies, such as shoes, your feet are probably aching, you know, maybe a little money to help you get settled once you finally make it north. You know, once you reach some northern destination, unless it's Canada, you still don't get to feel safe because of all those goddamn bounty hunters that I was talking about trying to catch you all the time. And by the way, the bounty hunters weren't called bounty hunters. I keep calling them bounty hunters.

They were called law enforcement officers. I just prefer the term bounty hunter because that's what they were. You know, they were armed people tracking down humans, trying to live a free life so they could collect a reward, collect some, essentially ransom. To me, that sounds like a bounty hunter. Now that we have a little understanding of how the underground railroad worked, a vast network of abolitionists, freed men, former slaves, good Samaritans, all working together to help slaves get, you know, freed from slave states and get to either the Union States or Canada or sometimes

elsewhere out of the country, you know, sometimes down south out of the, you know, Caribbean. Now that we know that let's hop back into the Tubman timeline. We left off in 1851 with Harriet Sneak and back down into Maryland for another trip, only to find out that her husband, John, had remarried and again, to be fair. He hadn't heard from her in about two years. Okay, so now spring of 1857, Harriet rushes back to Maryland yet again when she receives word that her parents are in trouble down there for helping and hiding the infamous Dover 8 and

March of 1857 8 slaves to dover 8 from Dorchester County Maryland escape following a route provided by Harriet Tubman Who we know also provided you know previously? I'm sorry. We know previously she escaped from Dorchester County The group was possibly on their way to meet with famed abolitionist Thomas Garrett and Wilmington Delaware. Tubman had told the fugitives to contact Thomas Ottwell, a free black man and under real round, underground, real road conductor in Dover, Delaware. She'd worked with before. Unfortunately this time, instead of guiding them north to next stop on the railroad, uh,

he led them to a Dover jail and expectation of collecting that $3,000 reward they were out for them, which is over $80,000 in today's money. And apparently that large amount of money was just too tempting for him to pass up. However, despite the betrayal, the Dover 8 would be able to escape from jail and eventually make their way to freedom. Atwell led the group to what was supposed to be a safe house for the night, but turned out to be, again, this Dover jail, where the local sheriff's sheriff, Sheriff Green was waiting for him.

Unfortunately, for he and Atwell, the group was running late. So Green decided to go to bed. Sheriff Green started to go to bed around 2 a.m. the group arrived at the jail, around 4 a.m. They were met by Hollis. He tried to sneak him into a room with a jail, but one of the slaves named Henry Prado noticed that the windows in the room had bars over them. Cause it's not like this was an obvious jail. It looked like a house,

then it happened to have some bars in some of the windows. He pointed that out to the group and they decided to stay in the hallway for the time being. And Sheriff Greene was woke up or a woken. He came into the hallway to, to greet him and trying to help get him into that room where they could lock him up. He had no luck.

He wasn't able to talk him into going in there. He goes back to his living quarters to retrieve his gun. However, becoming ever more leery of the situation, the group followed Green into his room. Prado grabbed a fireplace shovel, scooped out some coals from the fire through them all around the room to set the room on fire. He then grabbed the fireplace poker, busted out a window. So his fellow travelers could escape and then Prado held off green and a haul list.

And then the rest of the group made the 12 foot jump to the ground made a break for it. Green fired at Prado. Thankfully, the pistol jam to Prado was able to jump out the window himself. He successfully made the journey to Wilmington where he met with Thomas Garrett. Six others of the group went back to Oddwell's house where they captured him and threatened to kill him if he didn't actually help him out this time. So now Ottwell, their trader obliged and helped them reach Philadelphia. So that's seven of them are now free.

And then the last fugitive who somehow got separated from her husband and the rest of the group after the fleeing from jail, she would eventually be reunited with her husband in Canada. So rare happy ending to that tale. Well, Harriet's parents lived in a cabin about 20 miles north of the group owner's farm, the group's owner's farm. So it's possible that the eight may have stayed the night with him at some point in their journey.

And now they were worried about getting into a lot of trouble for helping them. So after hearing about her parents, you know, you know, being worried, Harriet buys herself a train ticket, heads down as quickly as she could, very risky. Again, with all the bounty hunters, all the stuff, you know, very risky for her to sneak back down there where she could be, you know, taking herself, she takes her parents' age and held into consideration. They're both in their 70s at the time. She gets a horse and some supplies in order, fashions of carriage together, so her parents

don't have to walk. And she rides with them all the way up into New York, stopping off in Auburn, New York at the residents of William Seward, lawyer, New York governor, senator, president Lincoln, secretary of state. From there, they move on to St. Catherine's in Canada where they reside for the next two years.

Harriet then would move from Philadelphia to St. Catherine's to help her parents up in Canada as well, but then her mother, Ritt, found it difficult to handle the tough Canadian winners, and the three moved back to the States and resided in Auburn, New York where Harriet would also reside for much of the rest of her life, and where Harriet was able to buy seven acres of land from Governor Seward and give her folks a place to live. So there were some nice people back then doing some nice things. The next chapter in a Harriet's long story connects her to last week's Pinkerton suck. We learned in that suck that Alan, Alan Pinkerton, founder of the Pinkerton Detective Agency,

was a fan of famous abolitionist John Brown. And then he financially supported John's abolitionist efforts and even helped transport John and 11 freed slaves once on a train from chicago to detroit well harry a tubman had an even closer relationship with john brown in an experiment uh... radical even by today's surgical standards harry and john were quite literally attached at the hip they were sewn together in an attempt to show that white and black americans could

truly literally co-exist they wanted to demonstrate to others that if and black Americans could truly literally coexist. They wanted to demonstrate to others that if they if these two could live happily sewn together forced to live basically as one person, then the rest of the country should at least be able to live in the same neighborhoods. The experiment would fail six months later when John Brown would grow ill and pass away after some kind of infection probably brought on by the surgery and then fearing that the separation would kill a heri as well doctors advised for not to remove John's body from her own and just kind of drag him around and she would drag his lifeless corpse around for the rest of

her long life by the 1870s she was literally just dragged around the dude skeleton. The stitches had long faded away. Medically she could have easily been part of this point, but psychologically she she become used as presents and she refused to have john, as she'd grown accustomed to calling him taken from her. Finally, when it seemed like, you know, she would take John Brown's skeleton to an early grave, she was helped by today's sponsor. She was helped by today's sponsor and freed from her unnatural attachment.

Today's time, so it goes brought to you by Woody's paranormal demon remover. Yes, Woody, the world's first and only puppet exorcists. Joe, if you're out there, if you're listening, can you bring Woody in here for the YouTube viewers? I forgot to grab him. Let us let everybody see Woody, if you'd like to hop over on YouTube and check him out. Woody is the world's first and only puppet.

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And really jumped her out of the story. Which makes things complicated. Oh, sorry about that. I said, sorry about my clombole, oh, pop it feet. This wasn't supposed to go on nearly this long. You pracking that breath. But hey, anyway, sometimes people show up at the skeleton the old time a doctor showed to you here

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com slash time suck promo code time suck link in today's episode description. Ah, in our back. And now that was a long break. I know. It's a heavy topic. I needed to take a break into weird for a while. Uh, we're talking about Harriet Tubman's real relationship with abolitionist John Brown now. Hope Woody, who's laying on the floor.

Oh, God, he's laying on the face down with his arms out. Oh, hope he's not pissed. We look sad, Woody. We all know that Harriet wasn't sown to John Brown, right? I hope we know that. I hope we all know that with some silliness. Harriet was introduced to abolitionist, Jane John Brown, no, in 1858. Brown, former cattle rancher,

Tanner Eoner, moved to Pennsylvania, to Springfield, Massachusetts, where he first met abolitionists, to Jornor Truth, Frederick Douglass, to Jornor, aulous, famous, Jesus abolitionist and women's rights activists who escaped from slavery, just like Harriet, who had taken her son's slave owner to court in New York to win his freedom

and did actually win. She was the first black woman to win such a case in American history. In 2014, she was included in the Smithsonian magazines list of 100 most significant Americans of all time awesome Unbelievably, I was not even submitted for consideration of that list which is frustrating but Frederick Douglass Also escaped slavery went on to become a famous orator leader of the abolitionist movement in New York and Massachusetts Abrilean writer and speech This is a brilliant dude in general.

He was often used as a living example of how African Americans were every bit the intellectual equals of their white counterparts. An after spending time with the Jornor and Frederick John Brown quickly became very sympathetic to the abolitionist movement became then a leader of the abolitionist movement, even though he was a white dude. He did think though that the peaceful nature of the movement was holding it back from making true progress. Brown not only thought that violence and force

could be useful as we learned with the Pingerton Suck, he thought that it was the only way of truly striking fear into the hearts of slave owners to create real change. He would travel the country freeing slaves where he could attempt to recruit fighters to join his army. During a trip to Ontario, Canada, John Brown was introduced to Harriet Tubman. She quickly became a confidant due to her incredible knowledge of escape routes and ability to execute plans stealthily. Harriet wild browned to the

point with her expertise that he began to refer to her as general Tubman. And general Tubman helped in the planning of Brown's infamous failed attack on Harper's Ferry that we also mentioned the Bigerton suck where John Brown gathered a group of 20 other men, some white, some black, free man slaves to attempt to take over of the federal military arsenal in Harper's Ferry, Virginia, now West Virginia, Brown, Brown hoped that the weapons captured in the seizure could help spur a slave uprising throughout Southern plantations, right? Get some killing in the name of the rage gets the fucking machine. Some reports speculated Harriet Tubman was to assist John Brown on this mission, but for

whatever reason, probably illness, she was unable to accompany the men. Not sure if I mentioned that when John personally led this men into battle, he was 59 years old, man, John Chuck fucking Norris Brown. And this tale is worth mentioning again this week, the abolitionist rented a farm near the Armory and from there prepared for their attack around 1 a.m. middle of the night on October 16th, 1859. This group of freedom fighters, freedom fighters converged on the armory, surprising one man, shooting him as he attempted to flee the sound of the gunshot.

Well, a man named Dr. John Starrie, but when he went outside to see what had happened, he was confronted by Dr. by John Brown's group. Dr. Starrie quickly explained he was a doctor and was ushered over to a man who had been shot upon examining the man in the term. There was nothing he could do to help him. Brown then allowed Starrie to escape and this would prove to be a fatal error because Starrie would ride to nearby homes and alert every family he could find, you know, in the community of Charlestown where the church bells then began to be wrong in order

to awake it and alert all the citizens. And then the citizens who were able to fight quickly went to Harper's Ferry, joined forces with remaining military presence there. Though John's Brownsman initial attack had went well due to catching the area completely off guard, they were initially able to capture the armory and hold about 60 hostages. They were unable to hold off the oncoming onslaught of the mob that Dr. Stara had sent their way. That motherfucker on top of the forces already in the area, word reached a group of Marines who were stationed nearby in Baltimore led by then Lieutenant Colonel Robert E. Lee heard of him. The Marines used the Rush Harpers ferry pin Brown down in an engine room across the street

from the Armory. Finally on October 18, the after ten of his men were killed and another five had been captured. Brown was taken into custody, tried, convicted of treason in the state of Virginia, sentenced to hang and executed. He would say after his sentencing, now if it is deemed necessary that I should forfeit my life for the furtherance of the ends of justice and mingle my blood further with the blood of millions in this slave country whose rights are disregarded by wicked, cruel and unjust enactments, I say, let it be done.

And that is some badass shit to say when you're on your way to die a true martyr to the cause man Surprise rage against the machine did not sing a song about this dude just dying in the name of December 2nd right before John Brown has hanged he handed the executioner a piece of paper that read I John Brown and now quite certain that the crimes of this guilty land will never be purged away with blood. Frederick Douglass said of him, though a white gentleman, he is in sympathy with the black man as deeply interested in our cause as though his own soul had been pierced with the iron of slavery. Harriet Tubman, among many others, would go on to praise Brown as a true martyr. His execution was felt on a national scale and would only raise the growing racial tensions of the nation.

1860, the days of the Underground Railroad coming to an end as the Civil War is about to begin. 35 year old Harriet continues to help, you know, free those who are enslaved. Sometimes accidentally you can't help herself. One day in New York, she ended up rescuing one dude, simply while just walking around in New York. She sees a guy named Charles Null being led away by US Marshall who had been looking for him, one of those bounty hunters. Tubman helped to fight the Marshall off.

Fucking beats this Marshall off of him. It allows Null to this man to flee, and then he would later be able to buy his freedom. Harry was also trying to get the last for family still enslaved to Maryland up north. She believed that her sister Rachel and Rachel's children were stuck in Dorchester County, Maryland over a decade after she'd escaped. Harry made her final rescue journey to Maryland prior to the Civil War in December of 1860, only to arrive and find out that her

sister had previously passed away. Damn shitty communication back then. Man, I know I can be annoying to see people's faces stuck into their phone all the time, but at least we can find people now, find people who aren't, you know, choosing to ignore us. We can find them instantaneously. Unable to locate either a Rachel's children in Maryland, Harriet instead chooses to bring back the e-mails family. There are three kids and one other couple because again, Saint.

Over the, over the deck near decade decade, she spent leading people to freedom. It said that Harriet made a total of 19 trips south, was responsible for up to 300 slaves, now leaving free lives, through either direct guidance or spoken advice on how to make the trek themselves. She'd say in 1896, I was the conductor of the Underground Railroad for eight years, and I can say what most conductors can't say.

I never ran my train off the track, and I never lost a passenger. That's a more bad-ass shit. And just because she was done with the underground railroad once the Civil War broke out, that didn't mean she was done fighting for the cause, not even close. Let's talk now about her civil war efforts. Shortly after President Abraham Lincoln's victory in 1860, the racial tension in the country finally started coming to a head. December of that year, South Carolina submitted an ordinance of succession.

Six other states quickly joined in and formed the Confederacy. I guess the forming of the Confederacy began. The Union was now, you know, to the North and the Confederates were the South. The Confederate army of South Carolina attacked the last remaining Union force at Fort Sumner, and South Carolina was now 100% in the hands of the South from this moment of full scale civil war was on. Let's get it on. African Americans were more than willing to fight for the North that have been so welcoming to them. Abolition is Frederick Douglass highly encourage them to do so to fight as a show of good faith to their new white brothers and sisters.

36-ish year old Harriet Tubman joined the Massachusetts military as a volunteer in 1861. She was the only African-American in her group. Fearless. The woman was fearless. The troop marched to Fort Monroe in Virginia once they got there. Harriet supported the troops by doing all her old domestic chores from her childhood. Such as cooking, doing laundry, offering nursing assistance for those wounded in battle.

The following year in 1862, her hair had been the troop she assisted with March further south into Port Royal, South Carolina, or Port Royal pride. Their hair had worked hand in hand with the group's doctor, her knowledge of plant and root-based medicine proved invaluable to the wounded and dying soldiers. The emancipation proclamation is put into effect on January 1st, 1863, and this freed all

slaves, so now they can fully enlist the military to help defeat their former masters. The presidential proclamation and executive order changed the federal legal status of more than three and a half million enslaved African Americans in the designated areas of the South from slave to free citizen. As soon as the slave escaped the control of the Confederate government by running away or through advances of federal troops the former slave now became legally free during the final two years of the war close to 180,000 black troops would sort of the union. There still was a full equality of course as we know about our history.

You know black soldiers were paid $10 a month with a $3 deduction for the cost of uniform while white soldiers were paid $13 a month and didn't have to pay for the uniform. This was eventually fixed to where both white and black soldiers were paid the same and black soldiers were given back pay for the amount they were paid less. However, there was still a lot of discrimination against women. Harriet would earn an average of only $5.50 a month during her three-year service in this war. Three years, she assisted the Union military out in the field to to true participant in the Civil War, and yet she'd have to earn extra money to support

herself during her war effort by selling pies and things like that to keep herself going. 1863, Harriet was even put in charge of a group of spies during the war. She was tasked with devising escape routes for any slaves that were free during battle. She even participated in combat on June 2nd, 1863. She became the first woman in US military history to lead a raid. And if she hadn't done enough impressive shit already, she let a group of soldiers on a mission to destroy Confederate outposts along the Coombie River and free as many slaves as they found in the process. The mission proved to be more than successful as her and her troops were able to capture large collections of

weaponry, food, cotton, all-while managing to liberate around 750 slaves. Harry would spend the last two years of the war continuing to spy, cook, nurse until the Confederacy finally surrendered in April 1865. She would return home to the small city of Auburn, New York, about 15,000 residents back in 1865 and she would continue to tend to her aging parents. I mean, this lady really is a fucking saint. Ridiculous. Once out of the military, Harriet fought another fight, her longest one, getting the US government

to pay her fairly for her military service. She didn't just accept that bullshit amount of money they gave her. Her fight to receive what she deemed fair compensation for her service would last 34 years. She would appeal her compensation once in 1865, then again in 1867. Some of her influential friends would write letters

to be published in newspapers pleading her case that she deserved a proper veterans pension in eighteen sixty nine harry with me to man named Nelson davis uh... former farmer vetten of the north carolina army who made his way north after the war uh... he stopped at harriott's house to rest for a day or two while he became acclimated to the area davis began working as a local bricklayer

all the while courting harriott even though she was 22 years older than he was. March 18, 1869, the two were married. Hail Luciferina. If the government wasn't going to compensate her for her war efforts, you know, helping young men stay alive. She was going to take on her own compensation in the form of young dick. Yes. One of Harriet's most famous quotes is, I decided if they wouldn't give me a check, I'd take my the former young dick. Yes, one of her area's most famous quotes is,

I decided if they wouldn't give me a check, I'd take my payment in young dick. It's actually written on her tombstone. Get for her. Please hold off on the angry emails, by the way. If it's okay for me to make inappropriate jokes about other suck subjects, it's fucking okay today. Halt them right. Actually, I don't think things were red-hawk in the love and department because like many mid 19th century humans, including former sucks, subject doc holiday, Nelson Davis was unfortunately a lunger. He had tuberculosis. His ability to work with sporadic in late 1869, American writer and historian Sarah Hopkins

Bradford would publish an authorized 132 page biography about Harry's life. And then the $1200 in proceeds were given directly to Harriet and her family in order to ease their financial burden. Because you've been taking care of your elderly parents, now she's taking care of her young husband. Harriet's father Benjamin does pass away then in 1871 at the age of 84. In 1873, someone would scam Harriet and follow the people to scam. You got to scam Harriet, man, all the people to scam, you got to scam Harriet. People scamming this hero, two men stayed with her for a few days, probably not the good

officer hearts, she opened up her doors, they approached her, claimed to be in possession of some gold they had managed to sneak out of South Carolina, they estimated the gold to be worth about five grand, but they're willing to sell it to Harriet for you know, two grand in cash. And she knew that wealthy white southerners would often hide her very valuables whenever the union army was threatening their area. So what the men were saying didn't seem that far-fetched. And giving some

some debt she had, it was an opportunity she felt she couldn't pass up. She asked to borrow some money from a local wealthy real estate developer. She was friends with named Anthony Schimmer. The two men told Harriet to meet them in the woods one night they could do the exchange under cover darkness. Once Harriet got deep enough into the woods, the two men attacked her and knocked her out with some chloroform. When she woke some time later, she was bound and gagged and her purse containing the money was gone. God dang it, man.

I'd love to say that these men were caught and beaten, but I think they did get away with it. But Harriet, she was not a victim. She refused to define herself as a victim. She refused to let something like that make her scared to keep her from doing good in the world. She's truly inspiration, less than for a soul, and she just kept it going, kept doing more good stuff. In 1874, Harriet and her husband would adopt a baby girl named Gertie later in 1874, New

York, Congressman Clinton, D, McDougal, along with Wisconsin constant congressman gerry w haisleton uh... introduced a bill that would pay her it alums some of two thousand dollars for her servicer in the civil war right finally politicians do the right thing and get her that money uh... her name is on everybody's mind again especially in new york once uh... word got out about her being attacked and the bill passed in the house but then was shot down in the senate fucking

assholes uh... due to lack of documentation But Harriet again, she would she would not give up she would continue to fight for fair compensation in 1880 Harriet's mother writ passes away at the age of 93 in 1886 another biography about Harriet's life published in another effort to help her financially In 1888 her husband Nelson, passes away from tuberculosis. Now Harriet is eligible to receive at least his military pension, you all right? She receives the military widow's pension of $8 a month,

not much, but it gives her a little bit of stable income. 1896 with help from her local bank and the local African Methodist Episcopal Zion Church. She's able to win a bid to buy a 25 acre piece of land adjacent to her current property for just under $1500. Cool, what she does this with this property later. We'll find out here soon. 1897, honored in Boston for her lifetime

of service to her country, and then she would actually have to sell one of her cows in order to afford to the train ticket to go receive her award. 1898, she submits yet another request for lump sum of $1800 in back payment for military service. Still doesn't get it. Finally, on January 19, or 1899, almost 35 years after the end of the Civil War, she requested a raise of her current $8 a month widow's pension to kick it up to $25 per month

reflective of her veteran status as well as the status of her deceased husband, the committee, the excuse me, the committee of pensions stated that the typical pension for a nurse was $12 per month with only a few exceptions for making more than that. The two parties decided to meet in the middle. They did settle on $20 a month, which she did receive for the rest of her life. Finally, all that fighting pays off and she does receive some of that veterans pay. She had so bravely earned. While this financial fight was occurring

at some point during the 1890s, unfortunately, Harriet's childhood brain trauma from being hit in the head with that two pound weight when she was the kid flares back up. She begins to feel what she described as constant buzzing in her head, along with constant headaches, both of which make it very difficult for her to sleep. So Harriet, you know, she didn't have a least of mattress.

Harriet, now well into her seventies, undergoes brain surgery, it's a Massachusetts general hospital in Boston, and this shit is the craziest part of the story I've read. We've talked about a lot of crazy brave things already. This is mind-boggling. In a show of legendary toughness, Harriet does get brain surgery, but refuses to be a neccessize.

She refuses anesthesia. Instead, she chooses to literally bite down on a fucking bullet while they operate on her head. Yep. This is what all the books say. I have no reason to doubt this tale. It's just hard for me to process this actually happening. And she chose to do that because that was what the soldiers would do when she tended to them during their civil war surgeries.

They would bite down on a bullet during like amputations. Wow! I have led such a soft life. Civil war surgeries, they would bite down on a bullet during like amputations. Wow, I have led such a soft life. When I read stories like this, man, if I let a soft life, I have no story, even remotely comparable to biting down on a bullet while someone is operating on my noggin. I think the worst pain, I think the worst pain I've probably ever been through. Probably really, really like really bad diarrhea, like super bad.

Like the kind where it feels like your butt lips have just been wiped with a rough grade of sandpaper and then your body has decided to poop salt water, right? That hurts, that does hurt. That kinda hurt when even after you put like a bunch of soothing, out of their lotion on your butt lips, you still walk gingerly like the world's best NFL punter has just tried to kick you, you know, through the goalposts about, you know, 50 yards out. You walk real generally, just kind of like a weird waddle walk. And then

when your stomach starts to cramp and growl again, you start wishing weird shit like you wish you could just poop, soft, survive scream, like, or maybe yogurt, or maybe best case, slightly colder than room temperature lotion. Like, and not like shitty lotion, not like hotel lotion, like a silky, expensive, fancy lotion, you know, the good stuff. That's what you wanna poop. And then you wish you could wipe it with some new softer than ever, baby, like wet wipe soaked in some type of numbing cream.

But I don't think that really compares to forgoing anesthesia and biting down on a bullet to deal with the pain of having your head cut open. And she did that in her seventies. Harriet, mother fucking Tumman. Whoa, Hail Nimrod. Harriet was always a supporter of the push for women's rights. Also, she never got hands on in her fight for women's rights,

like she did for the fighting for the freedom of, you know, African Americans, but she did fight for women's rights. She didn't think they were important, especially African American women. She didn't think it was a worthy cause. The suffrage movement dated back nearly 50 years to 1848 and Harriet was a very popular speaker. I'm kind of like the women's suffrage movement circuit, if you will, because of her incredible story and the notoriety she would bring to the movement.

And she did travel to speak in conventions all over the Northeast, late in life. You know, even though her never ending generosity and charity made it difficult for her to afford to do so sometimes because she's not even being paid for a lot of this. 1903. Now at the age of 78, Harriet donated those 25 acres. She'd won that bid on earlier to that, you know, with the help of the church. She donated it, the land to design church under the condition. They were to use it to build a home for the elderly.

Five years later, her dream project is completed and on June 23rd 1908, Harriet, the Harriet Tubman home for the aged was now open. Things did not start off the way Harriet hoped though, as the church implemented a hundred dollar entrance fee for anyone wishing to be admitted and Harriet would later say about this fee, quote, they make a rule that nobody should come in without they have $100. Now, I wanted to make a rule that nobody should come in unless they didn't have no money at all.

Again, lover. By 1911, a long hard life finally was taken as toll in Harry's body. She's now at least 86 years old, Frail and Sickly. She's admitted to the rest home named in her honor. She would spend the next two years of her life there until she finally succumbed to pneumonia and died on March 10th, 1913, surrounded by those she loved. Before she passed, she told everybody in the room, I got, oh, excuse me,

she told everybody in the room, I go to prepare a place for you. Thinking of others, right to the very end. She will be buried in Fort Hill cemetery in Auburn, New York with military honors and that takes us out of today's time zone timeline. Good job, soldier. You've made it back. Barely. Man, Harriet Motherfucking Tum and what a life she led.

Start her from nothing, start her from, you know, with less than nothing. She started her life technically as property. Can you imagine that? Starting with your life and someone else's hands, you know, in this country enslaved, legally beholden to the whims and wishes of another, another who walked free, you know, with their family, you know, while you didn't get to be free with yours. Let's look at some stats really quick to show just, you know, go, remind everyone like the scope of slavery and Harriet's, you know, when she was born. How many meat sacks just like Harriet were tragically enslaved in the history of the trans-Atlantic slave trade

1525 to 1826 or I'm sorry 1866 trade, 1525 to 1826 or I'm sorry, 1866, 12 and a half million Africans were shipped to the new world. Of them, 10.7 million survived the dreaded middle passage, disembarking in North America, the Caribbean, South America, only about, excuse me, only about 388,000 were transported directly from Africa to North America. The vast majority were taken to Central and South America and the Caribbean. Think about that. Hundreds of thousands taken to the United States and then their children became slaves and then their grandchildren did and great grandchildren, etc. etc. And then by

1860, there would be 490,865, just under half a million according to 1860 census. And that's just in Virginia alone of, one of 15 slave states. Over the course of roughly 400 years in the Americas, it's impossible to determine how many total people were enslaved, thought to be in the United States just under four million in the 1860 sentence. So over 10 times the amount initially brought over from Africa. So if 12.5 million slaves total were brought over to the new world. And if slaves in other countries, you know, reproduced it roughly the same rate they did in the US.

How many total people were enslaved in the new world? I don't know, 100 million, 120 million, 125, the numbers are nuts. And here's some other random stats I found interesting. Children typically comprise 26% or more of a slave ships human cargo. On average, the voyage took just over two months. And because of filthy conditions, a range of epidemic pathogens and periodic breakouts of violent resistance. Because of all that, 12 to 13% of those who embarked did not survive the voyage. Voyage, excuse me, New York City was actually a major hub of the slave trade between 1732 and 1754 for a couple of decades. Black slaves accounted for more than 35% of the total immigration through the port city

of New York. In 1756, slaves made up about 25% of the populations of kings, queens, rich men New York, and Westchester counties. The Gilder Lerman Institute indicates that about a third of slave laborers were children, and in eighth were elderly or crippled. Slaves didn't just work on farms. They were hired out in other trades like factories, peers, man sailing vessels. They built between 9,000 and 10,000 miles of railroad tracks by the time the Civil War broke out, representing the third of the nation's total and more than the mileage of Britain, France or Germany. On the eve of the Civil War in 1860, there was a total of about 488,000 free African-Americans living in the US, about 10% of the entire black population of those 226,000 roughly lived

in the North and just under 262,000 down South. Thus surprisingly, there were 35,000, just 136,000 more free black people living in the slave owning south and in the north. And they stayed there during the Civil War. God, that had been some tense living. Marilyn, Harriet Tubman's home state was a state with the largest population of free blacks in 1860, 83,942. And the highest proportion of free versus enslaved blacks was 49.1% free. And that fact plus this location bordering the north is why it was such an important piece of the underground railroad puzzle.

Now that we've had a little refresh on the scope of American slavery, let's see what the idiots of the internet have to say about Harriet Tubman. Brace yourselves. It is the internet. I went to a nice, neutral YouTube channel for today's video, biography.com. I check that site probably once a week when we do our sucks. They posted a video called Harriet Tubman Civil Rights Activist that as you can imagine goes over much of the info we went over today.

And here's what a few dickweeds had to say. Chance Rogers posts, she was a tool. This story never held weight with me. I don't believe it. And then after a bunch of people tried to educate Chance, he posts, story makes no sense from a historical sense. It doesn't make any sense from a historical sense. I think he met stance.

No, we all make mistakes. You know, if you would have written stance, you would have been grammatically correct, but the overall tone of what you're saying and what you're saying just still would make you intellectually idiotic. What part of the story makes no historical sense to you? You fucking idiot. The part where she was a slave. Does that not make sense to you?

You don't think that happened? Do you not believe in slavery? There are, believe it or not, American slavery deniers. I have met one. It's insanity. Didn't think it happened. Do you find the part where she's a woman to make no historical sense to you?

Are you so sexist that you don't think a woman could do what she did? Do you have any problems with the part where she freed herself or freed others? Like 99.9% of obnoxious idiots. This person's chance calls out somebody for being wrong and then presents zero evidence about how or why they are wrong. And of course, he doesn't present any evidence to back up his vague claim because he doesn't

fucking have any. I hate you like that. I hate ignorant criticism. Like, if you're going to criticize something, back it up with some facts or shut the fuck up. Uh, finally, user style collective calls out chance posting willful ignorance at its worst. Nailed it. Hashtag nailed it.

Uh, user a tube for view trolls in with all caps, all non whites, their lovers and their children will be terminated. Exclamation point. Of course, that has written in all caps. 90% of all cap statements in my experience written on the web seem to be written by people trying to make up in some kind of perceived volume, what they clearly lack in intelligence. Right? Just that whole vibe of, I can't think of anything smart to say.

So I'm going to say something real stupid, real loud, because louder makes it right, or guys, I'll cast forever. Hashtag shut the fuck up. You racist, dirt back. Paul Hugo goes full piece of shit posting was good up until you mentioned visions in God. That's it for me. I don't do mental illness. Who said shit like that?

I don't do mental illness. I don't do it, bro. Hey, bra, bra. You mentally ill, for real. All right, man, it gets fuck out, man. I don't do mental illness. So you're just gonna blow off all the good this person didn't her life because she had a head injury

that may have given her visions. What? Did I hope you never have her adopt any kids? Your son is bipolar, Mr. Hugo. Ah, see, bro. Though I guess I'm gonna have to leave him with the hospital then, you know what I'm saying? Man, I don't do mental illness.

He's only got two years of high school left. Shouldn't be too hard for him to make it on his own. So I don't do that, man. I don't play with that. Use your boss, hog. Martina's goes full, just what the fuck? Posting, can we not put people's faces on money? Really?

Let them rest in paradise. What are you talking about? What crazy world do you live in, boss? Shog? What crazy world do you live in? Where like an illustration of someone's face keeps them from resting in some theoretical paradise. Like you're so ignorant, I have a hard time processing

how your brain even works. Once you get off YouTube, get off YouTube, spend a few years using all your free time, hang on a library. I want you to read any books, the librarians recommend, all of them. I just love that you think like this is some weird spiritual notion of because someone's face is on a on a form of currency and in this world they're unable to rest peacefully in another user. J Carter throws another log on the what the fuck pile posting. I never understood how these stories are able to travel hundreds of years. What are you talking about?

I want to I want to write that in all caps. What do you mean? How do stories travel? 100 people write shit down. You wrote down that fucking nonsense on YouTube. You don't think the people used to write things down. That's how shit down. You wrote down that fucking nonsense on YouTube. You don't think that people use to write things down. That's how shit travels, right? I mean, they had newspapers, biographers,

you know, diaries, court records, people wrote about people. And then those writings would pass along. Have you ever heard of a fucking library? Gotta hope you're sterile, hope you don't vote. Use or hit my headposts. I hate when white narrate our story. All right, listen. It's a narrator is accurate.

The color of their skin should not matter. Amazed by how few people see the irony in this kind of thought being, like not being racist, like they don't perceive as being racist. Racism does not run one way. All right, it runs in all directions. I seriously doubt Harriet Tubman would care for that statement. Hopefully, someday, hopefully, finally, someday, we can evaluate everybody only on the integrity

of their character, their abilities and actions, not on anything else. Now race, gender, not sexual orientation, or age, or socioeconomic class, and I'm sure plenty of other categories I'm forgetting. We should be born equal, meat sex, under name Nimrod, and people should judge us by our choices and not by our circumstances, hail Nimrod. There's a fair amount of trollish race betting. I'm not even going to bring up. Just imagine a fair amount of N-bombs, and you fucking get it.

But there also was. I was very happy to see an overwhelming majority of positive loving comments Stuff like this. We'll leave on a good note on needed today user Greg hunt writes What a brave soul. I'm here because you were there That is an awesome comment On day Sullivan writes I will always have the most utmost respect for all those who lived and breathed to give not only African Americans but all Americans and better future rest in peace, Harriet Tubman. Amen.

Roberto Cruz 45 writes, I've learned so much. Thank you and thank you, Harriet Tubman. You are one badass woman. Hey, Lucifina. Agreed. Danny L. Wright, Harriet Tubman, you were here. We speak your name for a hundred years since your death and we will speak your name for hundreds more. And finally, Mariah Fox leaves us with a Tubman quote, I free to 1000 slaves. I would have free to 1000 more if only they knew they were slaves. That's some deep shit.

That is some deep shit. Beautiful sentiments. Buy a beautiful, very inspirational, intelligent woman. Thank you for reminding us all. The people, you know, are not in fact always idiots of the internet. All right, one last footnote to Harriet Motherfucking Tubman's story. I want to discuss before digging into today's top five takeaways, the $20 bill controversy.

Right? I feel like people be angry if I didn't bring this up. On April 2016, the US Treasury announced that a new design of the $20 bill will feature the portrait of Harry Tubman on the front, suck 106 subject, Andrew motherfucker Jackson, been on the bill since 1928. Tubman were to make the front. He would be moved to the back activists wanted to see Jackson, the seventh president moved to the reverse of the bill because of his policies against Native American or American Indians and African Americans. The new design expected to be made public initially in 2020 to commemorate the 100th anniversary of the 19th Amendment.

Now looking iffy as far as this happening. Juneteil 2015, the Treasury Department had originally initiated a campaign to include a woman. It's like the story of how this all came about, initiated a campaign to include a woman in the redesign of the $10 bill. But this received a lot of backlash. Partly due to the popularity of Alexander Hamilton, recently, which is due largely, I'm not kidding, to the popularity of the hit Broadway musical Hamilton. And myers of Alexander Hamilton worried that he would be displaced from the $10 bill.

He was the first secretary of the treasury from 1789 to 1795, recognizes the father of the U.S. economic system leading in the establishment of a national bank, funding to state's debts by the federal government, tariffs and trade relations, very important economic figure. Former president Andrew Jackson on the other hand did not have as many supporters. And when this was being brought up, and a lot of people wanted to not move Hamilton, but move Jackson instead. After consultations with the public, the Treasury Department decided to keep Hamilton on the front of the $10 bill, and in the back include leaders of the suffrage movement, such as Lucretia Motte, Alice Paul, Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Susan B. Antony, so Jornor Truth, they also decided

to redesign the $20 bill featuring Harry Tubman, whose heroism reflects American values and the power of an individual to make a difference. However, in a letter to Congress that was released this past June 2018, the Treasury Department praised husband, Tubman, they did praise Tubman, you know, a former slave and abolitionist, civil rights hero, but they also made no commitment now as to whether she would one day be the face of the on the twenty uh... saying the redesign of the next currency series is still in the early stages and neither the final designs nor all features have been finalized for the new

notes this is a drew meloney writing the treasuries assistant secretary for legislative affairs and also rights for this reason the department is unable to provide additional information regarding the potential designs this time. So it sounds like there is this, you know, blown a little smoke right here. It's also unclear when the redesign will be made public or ready for circulation, their delaying stuff.

Mr. Maloney said it would likely be more than 10 years before the new $20 note is released. Senator Jean Shaheen, Democrat of New Hampshire, forgive me if I messed up her first name, or I guess last name, who has said that Tubman's courage and persistence were emblematic of America's ideals and values took their response as a bad sign for the plan to put Tubman on the 20. Saying, I am severely disappointed by the Trump administration's failure to prioritize the redesign of the $20 bill to honor harry tubman and other trailblazing women and civil rights leaders now that the plan has been shelved without notice or reason so the current status of the harry tubman twenty dollar bill controversy sits in the undecided

camp how do i feel about this after sucking both and your mother fucking jackson and harry motherfucking tubman well uh... i think it's Harry's turn. I think why not? I mean, AJ's been on the front for good 90 years in count.

Come on, he's had a good run, strong run. And, and he is super dead. Let's not forget about that. Been dead a long time. His kids have been dead for a long time. His grandkids, great grandkids, great grandkids, all very dead. No family who knew him or knew anyone who knew him

or even knew someone who knew someone who knew him are alive. And we've never had a woman on any of the money despite so many women doing so many great things to make our country amazing. It feels very sexist. It's not finally put a woman on the bill. It's always been white dudes. It's not our country's makeup anymore. White dudes used to be in charge.

Yeah, I get it it i'm a white dude you know uh... it's just changing this role of the changes why not throw woman bone and i also just uh... taken outside of of race uh... and men who i did you could sick of that whole white man versus black woman argument you know why does the area of tuban uh... and rejects even have to be about that

why can't be about like you know this person did a lot of important things for our country Which Andrew Jackson did do despite his treatment of African-Americans and American Indians, which I'm well aware of he did do a lot of important shit Why can't I be about well this person is an important shit? They got to be on the bill and now let's give someone else a turn who also did a lot of important shit And that person just can happen to be Harry Tubman Why do people got to make it about race and make it about sex all the time as well? And finally, slavery was super fucked up and it did happen and we can't take it back

but we can at least throw a hairy tub and a bone. You know, at least this throw on a 20, is a tiny token of sorry of an apology. In my opinion, at least we can do on this situation. And how does it affect anyone's life? Like unless you are super racist, why would you be fucking mad about Harry Tubman's face being on your money?

Still fucking spends the same. I think people, when they really get, Franek about this, and angry about Andrew Jackson, and you know, after the suck, I'm a fan of a lot of what he did. But to get really truly angry, that he's no longer be on the bill, shut the fuck up, you're whining. You're whining about shit that doesn't matter in your life.

I don't know. I think, you know, and he's gonna be on the back still he's not gone. He's gonna be on the back. Maybe put him back there to do some cool shit instead of just his face. Maybe we could have him doing some cool AJ type stuff like, like, Doolin. You know, you can be shooting somebody, maybe charred in the battle and horseback. You know, put him in any somebody, they're charging into battle and horseback, you know, uh, put him in any kind of scene just as long as it's not, you know, him working on his Southern plantation, that would be, it would be awkward as fuck. Uh, but seriously, throw it on the bill.

Hell is to fena, hail them, right? Let's get into today's top five takeaways. Time, suck, tough, five takeaways. Harriet Tubman was born, Araminta Minty Ross in 1825-ish, theheriotubman.org website lists her birth year is 1820. She's born on a farm in Dorchester County, Maryland, and she died in the town of Auburn, New York on March 10, 1913.

Born a slave, escaped from the fall of 1849, almost immediately returned to Maryland over and over again to return to rescue. Other members of her family and then become arguably the most famous conductor in the fall of 1849, almost immediately returned to Maryland over and over again to return to rescue. Other members of her family and then become arguably the most famous conductor in the history of the Underground Railroad, helping roughly 300 African-Americans find freedom during that time. Number two, the Underground Railroad was a vast network of people who helped fugitive slaves escape to the North and to Canada and it was not run by any single organization or person. Rather, it consisted of many individuals, many whites, but predominantly black,

who knew only of the local efforts to aid fugitives and not of the overall population. Still, it effectively moved hundreds of slaves or more north would each year, according to one estimate, the South lost roughly 100,000 slaves between 1810 and 1850 due to the underground railroad. Number three, Harriet Tubman worked with, you know, and befriended other noted abolitionists like Sir Jornor Truth, Frederick Douglass, John Brown, John Brown being that white dude who gave his own life for the cause, killing in the name of Harriet also fought for executed. You know, I'm sorry, sorry, messed up a little bit. I got distracted by rage against the machine.

John Brown was a white man who gave his own life for the cause that Harriet also fought for and was also executed for treason after raiding a federal armory at Harper's Ferry in present-day West Virginia in an attempt to kick off an armed abolitionist rebellion against Southern slaveholders. By 1860, number four, there were roughly four million slaves in the United States, three million, nine hundred fifty, three thousand, seven hundred and sixty in the 1860 census. In the history of the transatlantic slave trade, 12.5 million Africans were shipped to the new world between 1525 and 1866.

And then number five, new info. Harriet Tubman was known by the nickname Minty as a child. She was known as General Tubman by John Brown. And then she was referred to as Moses later in life. And nickname given to her by fellow abolitionist William Lloyd Garrison, because just like the Jewish and Christian historical figure of Moses, Harriet Tubman helped her people escape from slavery and led them to the Promised Land. Harriet Motherfucking Tubman sucked!

Yeah, yeah, yeah! That was a fun one. That one made me feel good, man, as opposed to say the toy box killer who made me feel like throwing myself off a building for a couple days. Gotta throw in those inspirational ones into the suck catalog from time to time. Thanks again to the time suck team,

the high priestess of the suck, Harmony Velocamp, Jesse Gardy, and of Grammar Dobner, Reverend Dr. Joe Paisley. Thanks, especially thanks for sneaking in Woody, there's a show, I gotta hope he's still there, he's still there. He's still there. Times like high priest Alex Dugan, the guys at Bidelixter, Danger Brain, Space Lizards, Merch Wizards, Axis, Parable, or Axis Apparel, making the suck store look so good on Shopify

right now. So many cool things there. And Queen of the Suck Master really of everything. Here Lindsey Cummins, huge thanks to Sophie, fact sorceress Evans for the wealth of great accurate Tubman info she threw in here, and also to research newbie, Skyler Clifton, who kicked that research off. And then of course, like always, I made my life unnecessarily harder by bouncing around to a whole bunch of other websites and documentaries because I got sucked in to the tail. Also I forgot to mention the past few times sucks, man, a lot of people having fun in the private Facebook group, the cult of the curious, on Facebook, over 5,000 time

suckers there now. Very active. Tons of little subsets breaking off. Like, there's a roughly 300 time suckers in a book club on Facebook right now, just one of many examples. Also, the time suck discord channel is growing as well for even more interaction. You're going to have a link to that coming from the app very, very soon. Roughly 750 very active members there, always some fellow time suckers online to say hi to make friends with. Love the good times everyone is having in the Colton Curious community. Link to this private Facebook group and to the discord channel in today's episode

description. Next week we go hard in the opposite direction of Tubman back to the land of true crime and murder and serial killing with the alphabet murders. Space lizard voted in topic. Thought Stanley was gonna win but the alphabet murder snuck in there and beat Stanley by literally one vote. Three young girls raped and strangled in the Rochester New York area 1970s and each of the girls first and last names started with the same letter. Each body was found in a town that had a name started with the same letter as the victim's name. Carmen, Colin and Churchville. Michelle, Mainsa and Macedon, from Macedon, Wanda, Wallaquitz, and Webster. Right? CCC, MMM, WW. Investigators have theorized that a series of killings with similar circumstances in California

in the late 1970s may also be connected to these murders. On April 11, 2011, 77-year-old Joseph Nassau, a New York native who lived in Rochester, New York during the 70s, was arrested and re-known Nevada for some of the California murders. Murders that occurred in 77, 78, 93, 94. He was a professional photographer who would travel between New York and California extensively for decades. And when investigators walked into his home in Rito, they were greatly disturbed by what they found.

What did they find? Listen next Monday and find out for yourself, Maitsack, time now for Time Sucker Updates. the about that show at that theater where, oh my God, JFK, the Texas theater and the guy, I have John Wilkes Boost talk on my head from thinking about Lincoln earlier, but the guy who, I got to admit, the guy who tried to kill JFK, Lee Harvey Oswald, named wouldn't come to me for a second. That's where he hung out shortly before being captured. I think where he was captured. But anyway, loved, loved performing there. Anyway, Cam says, I've been a big fan of the socks

and it's very beginning, any who in the Pinkerton episode, you talked about where the word sheriff came from. And then later mentioned Sir Robert Peale starting the London police force. Well, Robert Peale is my direct, great, great grandfather. And the reason the London police force is called Bobby's today is because originally they were called Bobby's boys. Bobby, of course, been into name for Robert. That's very cool. Thought you enjoy that fun fact.

Thanks for all the hard work you and your team do. Cam, thank you, Cam. Thank you very much. I love that added info. Yeah. Now we know where the term London Bobby or you know, comes from and where Sheriff comes from. A little shout out request coming in from Times Sucker Johnny Donahue who writes,

hails supreme suck master comments. It will be a miracle if you were able to read this as my internet data and online info tends to get fucked up for no reason. Miracle granted! Nimrod is spoken. I've been a huge fan of your comedy for a while now. I'm a devoted time sucker. Thank you.

When I heard about your podcast on Pandora, I immediately raced over to the time-soaked website, literally binge all of it to get caught up. The reason I'm sending you this now is to say thanks for all the suckin' you do and also to ask for a shoutout. My 20th birthday is on the 10th and it will be amazing if you could mention me in the next episode. I will not hold anything against you if you missed this one.

As I told you, my internet data and info tends to be a bit screwy and we do get a lot of shout out requests. So sorry to those of you who don't get in, but we great if you could. Love what you're doing. Hail Nimrod, hail Luciferina, hail triple M, give both jangles a spoonful of peanut butter for me and keep on sucking.

Ah, wish granted. Happy birthday, Johnny Donahue. Happy birthday, Johnny Donahue. Nimrod wishes you a happy birthday And she got you lose gonna rass will you to ground and be to a soft shame cook so yeah, I get lucky that Pronunciation update from Allison Solomon Allison says hi, I'm behind as I just discovered your podcast. I love it. Thank you for creating awesome stuff I wasn't going to point out the correct way to pronounce

Fucking Frank as in Elizabeth Batharies husband, but then you kept saying you like being corrected so you can get smarter. I do Frank was my I know I'm saying it wrong. I haven't got your pronunciation parts I don't know how I'm saying it right now Frank was my grandfather's name. It's like the Hungarian equivalent of Frederick Okay, it's actually pronounced like Terrence with an F like Forrence. Oh, why couldn't they put a fucking E on the end of it? Okay, all right. Terrence, thank you. Thank you, Allison. Keep on sucking love, Allison Solomon. Love you as well. Appreciate that. And now a little thank you from a Spokane show, Atindi Wendy King, who gave me this bad ass,

little lizard, lizard bracelet. I mean, this thing is so cool, a little custom chainmail lizard bracelets. At the show, Wendy says, howdyho, suck master comins, loyal spacers are Wendy here, fresh off the awesomeness it was a Spokane early show in December 1st.

It was absolutely awesome to meet you and our beautiful queen of the Show was fan fucking TASTEK. Actually, she said freaking. I mind automatically auto-cracked to fucking. Yeah, Lindsay was there helping after the show. I nearly peed my pants. I'm actually writing today because normally,

I would record my message, but I had an encounter that I wanted to share in writing and hopes that I could get a shout out on the next regular time suck. This was my first time a husband and I attended a show at Spokane County Club and we were not aware that if you bought less than four tickets, you could be seated with strangers. At first I felt awkward but the couple that we were placed with was really cool and super

friendly. I was able to convert them to time suck and today downloaded the app right then and there haha, ill name not. We had a lovely conversation and once the show started, we were all laughed heartily. As soon as the show was over, they left and I made a b-line to meet and greet, while waiting to meet you. My husband went to settle our tab,

only to be told that our tab had already been paid for by a mystery person. I can only assume it was the couple at our table, but because they'd already left, we did not get a chance to say thank you. Since I know they downloaded the app, and hope they will continue to listen to the next few time sucks, at least when do I would love to get a shout out or give a shout out to the amazing

couple from the December 1 show with the Spokane County Club. Thank you for paying our tab. I know that we will and know that we will pay it forward. I really enjoyed a conversation. I'm glad to have met you. Dan on a personal note, I was flying high when I handed you my lizard, the other bracelet, and I got a hug. Sir, you made my night, week, month, year,

my husband is now in official conversation as well, downloading the act tonight. Thank you for everything you do, everything that you've inspired and every laugh you've given. Always in forever, your loyal space lizard and chainmailer, Wendy, with an eye, not a why. Thank you, Wendy. And now, we got a little update from somebody sent in

Ray, time stuck or Ray, Joe, do you have Ray's last name? I didn't, but I didn't put it down on the notes. Joe's gonna grab it, so Ray, you're gonna get a proper shout out after I play this little mix down based on last week's fake ad with Sergeant Bubbles, monkey security systems.

He sent this in, I just wanted to play it for you guys. Uh huh. Yeah, starting off with a little time-sblem. Is brought to you today by Sergeant Bubbles Elite Primate Home Security Systems. Yeah, yeah, yeah! Did you know that according to Sergeant Bubbles, home invasions worldwide have gone up by over 6,000%.

We've got a shit his ass. And the last thing is, now if you don't feel scared at home, you should, you should. The world wide have gone up by over 6,000%. We've got a shit his ass. And the last thing is, now if you don't feel scared at home, you should, you should. Because some Richard Nightstock are Ramirez, some toy box killer, some gold estate killer, type super creep, it's probably sniffing your undies, sniffing your panties that they stole just yesterday. It happens all the time. So stop wondering what goes bump of the night and protect yourself with one of Sergeant

Bubbles elite, primate, home, security system, broke the small fee of $1,500 a month, two champs armed with handgun, knives, popped up on a manageable level, met the fedemame, who continually patrol the sprinters of your home day and night, fighting, stabbing, probably shooting anything out of your deck. Uh, someone you don't know is that five? Those chimps will attack first, ask by complaining. And for only $500 more month, you can upgrade the premium package. We're an additional chimps patrols your home perimeter. Got three chimps out there.

And then also you got three tiny monkeys on the blue switch plate. And little clock, 242, they're falling around the house. Safety's off. Chamberlain at all times. And wherever you go, you will rest easy. Knowing there are chimps and monkeys protecting your home and person. Now please note that Sergeant Bubbles lead private home security systems are not liable for any damage or killing or mayhem caused by the monkeys and or chips

Oh, thank you Ray Ray GFX no last name given will mystery Shamecock Ray known as shamecock Ray through the app shamecock Ray Thank you so much man for that mickdown sergeant bubbles through the app. Shane Cockray. Thank you so much, man, for that mic down. Sergeant Bubbles. Oh, fantastic. One last update now. One last update. That was amazing. From from Yonnam, Oberg, expressing gratitude for the suck, reminding me of how long I've been working in comedy. Yonnam writes, Holy fucking shit. So I

decided to check out your standup and freak the fuck out. Storytime. When I was in middle school and search joke here about how old you are, I loved watching stand up when my parents went around. I saw you stand up and fucking loved it and we quoted all the time. But because I was a stupid 11 year old, I forgot to remember your name. After scouring Wikipedia and Comedy Central

for a while, I gave up. Q October, 2018, I came across this podcast, which may or may not have involved to Google search of good conspiracy podcasts. Since then, I have sacrilegiously binge listened to the podcast. Then I decided to check out the stand up and you're the fucking guy with that joke about your kids. This could have only occurred to the power of Nimrod.

Heal Nimrod. I cannot express how satisfying it has been to resolve this decade-long mystery. Thank you, Professor Dr. Suck Master's Supreme, Yana PS. Say hi to Lindsay, please, because she's my favorite part of the Suck. Polish Power. Favorite part? I was such a good message until you ruined it there at the end. Lindsay's not even a human being. But okay, fine.

All right, Lindsay's favorite part. I hope she doesn't listen to this. Well, you will be happy to know that eventually in 2019 Lindsay and I plan on doing a side podcast together We're thinking about calling it the human and the monster. I of course being the human the good human and the scary Polish monster podcast No, we are thinking about doing a a podcast together not thinking we're going to I just don't have a launch date It'll it won't be for a few months Just got it need more time need more time to get it already time is the enemy I got I got I got a

Prada Nimrod to stop with your relentless ticking of time like Dylan Thomas said rage rage against the Dine of the light do everything you can with your time and Thank you so much for sending that in thanks for all the updates everybody and Yeah, let's get out of here. Let's get out of here until the end of the show. Thanks, time suckers. I need a net. We all did. Thanks for sucking today. You beautiful bastards. Don't let anyone hold you down this week. Harriet, mother fucking tub and sure would not and keep on sucking.

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