Timesuck with Dan Cummins - 131 - Disappearances, Hidden Cities, Murders and More: National Park Mysteries

Episode Date: March 18, 2019

The origin of the Chupacabra legend! UFO sightings in Yosemite. A giant, lost Egyptian city in the Grand Canyon. Another underground city supposedly inhabited by mystical Lemurians in Mount Shasta. Mysterious murders. Unexplained disappearances. Haunted camp lodges. Cursed land. The birth of a cult that exists unto this day. Myths, monsters, aliens, ghosts, and more in today’s cornucopia of strange, national park mysteries edition, of Timesuck! Upcoming Happy Murder Tour Standup dates: March 28 Naples, Florida - Off the Hook Comedy Club CLICK HERE for tix! March 30 Miami, Florida - The Improv CLICK HERE for tix! April 4-6 Cleveland, Ohio - Hilarities CLICK HERE for tix! April 11th Des Moines, Iowa - The Funny Bone CLICK HERE for tix! April 12-13 Kansas City, Missouri - The Improv CLICK HERE for tix! ** LIVE ANT HILL KIDS CULT TIMESUCK April 6 Cleveland - Hilarities CLICK HERE for tix! ** LIVE ANT HILL KIDS CULT TIMESUCK April 14 Nashville - Zanies CLICK HERE for tix! Listen to the best of my standup on Spotify! (for free!) https://spoti.fi/2Dyy41d Timesuck is brought to you by the following sponsors: Hims! Try hims for a month for just five bucks to treat ED (while supplies last.) ForHims.com/timesuckED Watch the Suck on Youtube (new and improved audio!): https://youtu.be/dKnOuUtxMBI Merch - https://badmagicmerch.com/ Want to try out Discord!?! https://discord.gg/tqzH89v Want to join the Cult of the Curious private Facebook Group? Go directly to Facebook and search for "Cult of the Curious" in order to locate whatever current page hasn't been put in FB Jail :) For all merch related questions: https://badmagicmerch.com/pages/contact Please rate and subscribe on iTunes and elsewhere and follow the suck on social media!! @timesuckpodcast on IG, @timesuckpodcast on Twitter, and http://www.facebook.com/timesuckpodcast Wanna be a Space Lizard? We're over 4000 strong! Click here: https://www.patreon.com/timesuckpodcast Sign up through Patreon and for $5 a month you get to listen to the Secret Suck, which will drop Thursdays at Noon, PST. You'll also get 20% off of all regular Timesuck merch PLUS access to exclusive Space Lizard merch. You get to vote on two Monday topics each month via the app. And you get the download link for my new comedy album, Feel the Heat. Check the Patreon posts to find out how to download the new album and take advantage of other benefits!

The origin of the Chubacabra legend, UFO sightings in Yosemite, a giant lost Egyptian city in the Grand Canyon, another underground city, supposedly inhabited by mystical Lemurians and Mount Shasta, mysterious murders, unexplained disappearances, haunted camp lodges, curse land, the birth of a cult that exists until this day, myths, monsters, aliens, Ghosts, and more in today's Cornucopia of Strange National Park Mysteries edition of Time Suck. Happy Monday, mead, Saks. Welcome to the cult of the curious, it's Time S suck time. I'm Dan Comins. He have so many nicknames and you are listening to time suck. Hail Memorad, Begon slash Halo, Safina, praise triple M, Ambo Jangle's long lives suck. Big thanks to our

space lizards for supporting the show via Patreon and for letting this donate $1800 this month to Baka, bikers against child abuse, keep hearing more and more good stories about that organization. Link in the episode description if you want to donate more or just learn about this fantastic group of people and how much they do for the victims of child physical and sexual abuse. Thank you again for the recent ratings and reviews. Nothing spreads the suck more than word of mouth. And the suck is spreading ratings, reviews, telling people,

it spreads so much. The cold is curious. Now roughly 150,000 strong, according to recent analytics, and we do use the strictest measuring system of any podcast analytic platform out there. So I hope I can trust those numbers. Met some great time suckers on the mediocre time with Tom and Dan podcast cruise.

I was blast. I didn't even get sick. I did sleep so much, like probably 10 hours or more a day. And then still felt sick when I got home. Remember my crazy voice last week? Finally went to the doctor, pesky sinus infection. I used to get those so often. I thought I was good the last few years.

Man, those things can linger. I think the warm, Bahamian weather of the cruise and some new powerful antibiotics. I'm on have me on the men's now. I'm not currently sounding like Christian Bale's Batman. I have blown my nose about 75 hundred times today. But hopefully I can have to stop recording 20 times during this podcast to keep it going. Head to Florida, again soon for some more tour dates. to be at the off the hook comedy club and Naples on Thursday night March 28th first time in Naples. Let's make it fun. And then the Miami improv Saturday March 30th, then I'll be at the Queen the suck Lindsey's hometown Cleveland Ohio April 4th through the six another live Ant Hill kid suck and Cleveland April 6th. Lindsey's going to be there and

access to peril. I forgot to mention is going to be in Cleveland for the live suck only. They're going to be printing an exclusive shirt. You can only get it that particular recording of the of the live time sucked the Anhyl kids or the live performance. Excuse me. They had the brain some remote printing apparatus. Trying it out just for fun. A little bit of experiment. So that's going to be pretty cool. DuMoi and Iowa one night only on April 11th, Kansas City, Missouri, home of Johnny Dare, two nights, April 12th and 13th, back to Nashville. Going to be part of the Nashville comedy festival on the 14th, doing a live Ant Hill kids time. So it's Zany's, I think right before small town murder, do theirs. One show only can't wait. Then onto the Texas theater in Dallas, April 26th, the place the John Wilkes booth hit out right after supposedly shooting JFK, the secret

group in Houston on the 27th San Francisco Boston, Spokane Jacksonville and so much more coming up right around the corner. Ticket info for the entire 2019 happy murder stand up tour at Dan Cummins dot TV. New danger brain black and white classic hoodie in the time sucks store. Been a while since we added a new hoodie. I know we sold out a most of the sizes of the blue zip up hoodie and some of the sizes of the previous black zip up. Now now we got it. We got a non zipper, no zipper, crew neck pull over hoodie.

And in the ever evolving access apparel run time sucks store. The new duds are made from the same next level 50 50 cotton poly fabric blend Pullover hoodie and in the ever evolving axis apparel run time sucks store the new Duds are made from the same next level 50 50 cotton poly fabric blend as the last zip up black hoodie will fit the same. Uh, however, this hoodie is made up of a ground up elderly golden retriever penis meat. You heard right. It's made up of ground up retriever weiner meat. Why?

Because we got a good deal on it. So cheap. They were practically given that stuff away. Capitalism, baby, capitalism, hell, no more. Now let's have some fun. Let's have a lot of fun. Let's get weird. A little bit of murder in today's tale, but not too much.

I know we've had a lot recently. This is a very different suck than the recent sucks, and I love it. A lot of different stories, little vignettes wandering around through the world of true crime, the paranormal, cryptos duology, folklore, and some good old fashioned wackadoodle. Let's get silly with today's National Park Mysteries. Okay, time for a little bit of trivia before I focus on mysteries in four different sites within our national park system. We're going to dive deep into mysteries from the Grand Canyon, Yosemite, Mount Shasta,

which is a national natural landmark and a UK national park in Puerto Rico. The only tropical rainforest protected by the U.S. Department of Interior. So how much do you know about the U.S. national parks in general? Do you know how many there are? I didn't. Before I looked up for that info for this week's research, according to Wikipedia, there are 61. According to a variety of travel websites, there are anywhere from 58 to 60. According to our furry one-eyed, three-legged people and time suck mascot Bojangles.

The whole nation is one big national park for him to piss and shit on as he sees fit. For him fences and no trespassing signs or aren't barriers, they are invitations or challenges. According to national parks dot org, the website for the national park foundation, there are currently 60 national parks, but even that number is misleading. The United States National Park system encompasses a total of 418 different sites that span across 84 million acres, which is more land than a lot of entire nations possess. The system includes parks and territories such as Puerto Rico, the Virgin Islands, American Samoa, and Guam.

Just one of America's parks, Alaska's Wrang, St. Elias National Park and preserve encompasses 13.2 million acres, bigger than Yellowstone, Yosemite and the entire country of Switzerland combined. The U.S. National Park system is in total over 10 million acres, bigger than the entire nation of Italy. Within the number of 418 sites, only 60 actually include National Park as part of their proper name like a Acadia National Park on Maine's Atlantic Coast Everglades National Park on the southern tip of Florida Grand Canyon National Park in Arizona Yellowstone National Park primarily located in Northwest Wyoming, but bleeding into parts of Montana and Idaho

In addition to these national parks, there are 11 different national battlefields, four national battlefield parks, one national battlefield site, nine national military parks, 51 national historic parks, 78 national historic sites, and then there are national memorials, national monuments, national reserves, preserves, recreation areas, seas shores, lake shores, and more. So how did all these parks get here? Well some people don't think they are here. Some people think they're just lies pushed on us via the Moon Matrix, manipulated reality

being projected down onto Earth, facilitated by quartz deposits and alien technology, taking the positive reality programming, coming from the Sun's photons twisting them into negative reality Projectors pushing us towards war and famine and discord whatever turmoil feeds the anew to key those damn ancient Babylonian brotherhood Reptile mother fuckers that have enslaved humanity from millennia But those people are considered by most academics and scientists to be Uttermaniacs So let's ignore that perspective. We're gonna have some fun with wacky details who do believe in shit equally crazy

to what I just said here and there throughout today's suck. And if that gibberish did make a little bit of sense to you, thanks for paying attention to the David Ike stuff I've been talking about from time to time. People who live in the real world where history has not been grossly rewritten, where we're not being manipulated by aliens, understand that the origin of our national parks can be traced back to

1872. On March 1st, 1872, then President Eulisus S. Grant signed the Yellowstone National Park Protection Act. The Congress had just passed establishing Yellowstone National Park in the territories of Montana and Wyoming as a, quote, public park or pleasureing ground for the benefit and enjoyment of the people and placed it under exclusive control of the secretary of the interior. The founding of Yellowstone National Park introduced a whole new concept to not just the people of the United States, but to the world at large. And that's the concept of preserving land for future generations to enjoy, ensuring that no one will build on it outside of the occasional guest lodge and gift shop, of course.

The act began a worldwide national park movement. Today more than 100 nations contained some 1200 national parks or equivalent preserves or as the act says, Pleasuring grounds, which sounds a little perverse today. I picture people flocking the Yellowstone do pleasure themselves around the geysers and hot springs. How was your trip to Yellowstone, you, Lissus? Most excellent. I was able to time our ejaculation into the delightful spray, hold faithful. It was an exquisitely magical moment. I was also able to toss my seed into a few hot springs

and majestic groves of massive pines as well. And Julia was able to merely dittle herself or gaze into the grand prismatic spring. Well, a few buffalo stopped and admired her beauty. It was quite an experience, highly recommend three out of five stars. In the years, following the establishment of Yellowstone, United States began to authorize additional national parks and monuments. Many of them carved from federal lands in the West. These sites were also administered by the Department of Interior

while other monuments and national historic areas were administered by the War Department and the Forest Service of the Department of Agriculture. No single agency provided unified management of the varied federal park lands quite yet. On August 25th, 1916, President Woodrow Wilson signed the Act to create in the National Park Service, a newrow Wilson signed the Act created the National Park Service, a new federal bureau in the Department of the Interior responsible for protecting the 35

National Parks and Monuments then managed by the Department and knows yet to be established. The Act says that the service thus establishes shall promote and regulate the use of the federal areas known as National Parks, Monuments, monuments and reservations, by such means and measures as conform to the fundamental purpose of the said parks, monuments and reservations, which purpose is to conserve the scenery and the national and historic objects and the wildlife therein and to provide for the enjoyment of the same in such manner and by such means as will leave them unimpaired for the enjoyment of future generations to pleasure themselves with. And that is exactly what it says minus the to pleasure themselves with at the end. There was no more pleasure talk, unfortunately. Unfortunately, President Wilson wasn't saying stuff like this,

the stomping of the herds of buffaloes, the many beautiful songs of the foul of a numerical variety, the roar of the mighty grizzly, the howl of the majestic wolf, all make for such a sweet soundtrack for the stroking and diddling of American genitalia. Do ejaculate in front of a rare protected fern, or upon the face of an endangered and beloved tree frog or seldom seen crane, that will be the God given inalienable rights of every American citizen from this day forward. Hooray. Hooray. I wish that moment had happened.

Maybe it did. Maybe it didn't some other parallel universe. We don't know. Hey, almost two decades later on July 10th, 1933, new president Franklin, D Roosevelt, D is in Dick, Franklin Dick Roosevelt. No, it's still on. Signed executive order 6166 and allowing the President to reorganize departments that fall under the executive branch of government, using this act he transferred 56 national monuments

and military science from the Forest Service and from the War Department to the National Park Service. An action that was a major step in the development of today's truly national system of parks, the system that includes areas of historical as as well as scenic, and scientific importance. All the sites now managed by the same agency. Then, in 1970, Congress reaffirmed the legality of the National Park System in the General Authorities Act of 1970, saying that the National Park System, which began with the establishment of Yellowstone National Park in 1872, has since grown to include superlative natural historic and recreation areas in every region,

and that it is the purpose of this act to include in such areas in the system. Now additions to the National Park system are generally made through acts of Congress, and National Parks can be created only through such acts. But the president does have the authority under the Antiquities Act of 1906 to proclaim national monuments on lands that are already under federal jurisdiction. So the president can't add to the national park system in that way. The secretary of the interior is is usually asked by Congress for recommendations on proposed additions to the system. The secretary is counseled by the national park system advisory, composed of private citizens which advises unpossible additions to the system and policies for its management.

Camp Nelson, National Monument in Nicholasville, Kentucky, Doug Folk, yeah, yeah! He became the newest addition to the National Park System on October 27, 2018. It's 20 miles south of Lexington and it tells the story of the African-American military service in the Union Army during the Civil War. Over 10,000 African American troops mustered at Camp Nelson, which also offered refuge for their enslaved wives and children. Camp Nelson was the first national monument designated by President Trump, a little bit of positive political news.

Who knew that was possible? Political news has become so pervasively negative, you would think that no politician ever did anything worthwhile ever at all anymore. Today more than 20,000 national park service employees care for America's 400 plus national parks and work with communities across the nation to help preserve local history and create close to home recreational opportunities. Now, how about some random trivia about a few specific parks before waiting out into the strange and sometimes scary waters of today's national park mysteries. I swear we're going to get into the the gritty shit here soon. The already mentioned Wrangles St. Elias National Park and Preserve is America's largest

park. That's the one that's 13.2 million acres larger than the entire country of Estonia. Dwarfs any of the other national parks in the continental US. Death Valley National Park is the largest national park outside of Alaska. 3.4 million acres. The Appalachian National Scenic Trail cuts to more states than any other land maintained by the national park system. Travels to 14 states. A 2,180 mile footpath that seems to be pretty high up on the list of a lot of hiking enthusiasts as far as their bucket list go. Not me. I'll hike a little bit to see it, to see a nice vista, but maybe make it to a cool campsite,

maybe make it to a little fishing area, but walking 2,000 miles just to fucking walk? No, I can think of so many other ways to enjoy a long sabbatical. None of them involve walking very far. Almost all of them involved planes, automobiles, quiet beaches, and a nice bed. The Appalachian National Scenic Trail was completed in 1937, runs from Georgia to Maine. The smallest and arguably dumbest US National Park is the Thaddeus Koshushko National Memorial.

It's only 0.002 acres in size. And making it worse, Thaddeus was Polish. Koshushko National Memorial, it's only 0.002 acres in size and Making it worse that is was Polish and it frustrates me that we've chosen to devalue our entire national park system by given Any land to some fucking idiot, you know, it's terrible Why not dedicate a park to a rat or maybe just an actual pile of shit? You know welcome to the Hank Jackson National Park in 1982 Hank took a shit That was verified in over eight pounds and it came out in one piece and I know that's not a great reason to start a park But hey at least it's not fucking Polish, right? Now new listener please know I only make jokes like that because I like to rob my Polish wife

In reality, I do have a lot of love for Poles They know how to make a sexy lady. Hey, Lucifina But the the thaddeus Koshusko Park is real and it actually is only point zero, zero, two acres and size. Uh, the park is just a small home in a quaint location in Philly. And it is where the revolutionary Polish hero lived in the park's story encompasses his role in the revolution. How his legacy lives on a Poland and in the US.

And his story is pretty badass. I felt like we should take a quick D, D tour, right? Let me make some of men's for all my constant Polish lander. This guy's a badass. Uh, faddius make some of men's for all my constant Polish lander. This guy's a badass. Fattius Koshushko was born in the Polish Lithuanian Commonwealth in 1746. The man he was born in now sits in Belarus

because of shifting national boundaries. Poland, Lithuania, Belarus, they all claim him to be a national hero. He had a gifted military mind, went to a military academy in Poland, but later was unable to enlist as an officer when violence broke out in his homeland because he couldn't afford to pay the officer's commission. Back then you had to buy your way into being an officer in war. That he has had the education, but not to do.

He then tried to fight in France as a young man, but after auditing various military classes, he actually wanted to enroll, but they didn't accept him because he was a foreigner, and he was not able to fight as an officer because of his foreign status there as well. And then he heard about the American Revolutionary War, and he set sail across the Atlantic in 1776, just for the chance to fight, just for the chance to prove his valor in battle,

not his war, but he liked what they were doing. When he landed, he submitted an application to the second continental congress, accepted and assigned to the continental army the very next day on August 31st. First thing he did was to help build fortifications at Fort Billingesport and Paul's World in New Jersey to protect the bank to the Delaware River, prevent a possible British advance up the river to Philly and he did a hell of a job. He was originally enlisted as an officer or a student as a volunteer, but within a month, he had risen to the rank of Colonel of

engineers. He was put in charge of planning the defensive strategy for his army at Saratoga listed as an officer or a student as a volunteer, but within a month, head risen to the rank of Colonel of Engineers. He was put in charge of planning the defensive strategy for his army at Saratoga, who's defeated the British forces on October 1777, would prove to be a turning point in the Revolutionary War. In 1778, he was commissioned to build the military fortifications at West Point, an important defensive position on the Hudson River, considered impenetrable after he was done. The site eventually became the site of the US military academy by the war zen thaddeus

was made a brigadier general received US citizenship along with a medal for his service to the continental army and then went back to fight some more. He went back to Poland to fight for his homeland. Now they now they let him fight. Now he had some dough. He fought against the Russian armies of Catherine the Great on behalf of Poland quickly rose to commander and chief of the entire Polish army before being captured by Russian forces. After Catherine's death, her son respected him so much that he didn't execute him. He actually freed him, released him,

gave him amnesty on the condition that he just don't return to Poland. That's in respect. Gonna let you live, but don't ever live in Poland again, because I don't want to fucking fight you anymore. That is set sale for America, received a hero's welcome, became a close friend of Thomas Jefferson, and now he has his own piece of the US National Park System. So that's a little overview of the National Park System, with some side knowledge about one of the best Polish people to ever live. I can only, I can only hope that my wife Lindsey Queen of the Sugg, here's that story. And just decides for once to do something to get with her life.

So that's really why I put that in there. The US National Park system covers a lot of different land in a lot of different parts of the country. Employees roughly 20,000 people. And an additional 315,000 people volunteer annually to keep the various monuments, battlefields, wildlife, refs, wildlife refuges, and more pristine and, you know, pleasurable. And teeny bit more trivia. Roughly a third of America's national parklands of monuments were closed down during our

recent government shutdown, which is crazy because furloughing federal park workers caused the parks to lose roughly $400,000 a day in entrance fee revenue. Lane off workers and costing the taxpayers, taxpayers more money, a lose, lose. But enough tangents. Let's get to the good shit, the weird shit, the strange, sometimes spooky happenings that have gone on over the years and four of our national parks. Too many stories in too many parks to expand beyond that. Strange shit happens everywhere.

So some of it is bound to happen in these parks and it sure did. Sure has. We're going to be talking about some juicy craziness today. Let's start with the first of four locations, the Grand Canyon. Yeah. Yeah. All right. The Grand Canyon, first famous park everyone to is a kid. Turned to 100 last month, Happy Birthday, grand canyon. It became a national park on February 26, 1919. The canyon is 277 river miles long. It's almost 500 kilometers, up to 800 miles, or up to 18 miles, excuse me, wide 29 kilometers and a mile 1.6 kilometers deep.

And it was the 15th site in the US to have been named in National Park. And just like with many frequently visited large patches of land, people have died there. Any large high traffic area is going to have it share a death. Do you actually know that roughly a hundred people die every year in Disneyland? Roughly two a week, almost 50% of the deaths have occurred on Splash Mountain.

Do you know that sometimes I lie about stuff and sometimes I make up things? Actually, actually at least nine people have actually died in Disneyland. This is true. September 5, 2003, I know this has nothing to do with today's story, but I had, once I had thrown that line there,

I had to look for the truth, found out that real fact and then found out this. On September 5, 2003, a 22 year old man, Marckella Torres, or Marcelo Torres, of Gardini, California died. And several other guests were injured when a locomotive separated from the train along a tunnel section of Big Thunder Mountain Railway.

Not kidding. Torres bled to death after suffering blunt force trauma of the chest. Fuck, what a terrible place to die, right? To die on a ride at a place that builds itself is the happiest place on earth. But I am not here to try to make you scared to go to, it isn't that I'm here to try to make you scared to go

to national parks or something like that. Uh, according to Grand Canyon Park Spokeswoman, uh, Spokeswoman Kirby Lynn Shadowsky, uh, another public person, roughly 12 deaths occur each year to Grand Canyon, including those from national causes, medical problems, suicide, heat, drowning in traffic crashes. On average, two to three deaths per year are from actual falls over the rim. That's what she says. But Tom Myers, author of Over the Edge deaths in the Grand Canyon, he thinks that number is way too low. He reports that around 800 people have died in the park since it opened February 26,

1919, which would be roughly 80 deaths a year. That's a little bit more than 12. While there's quite a bit of disagreement over how many people die each year in the park, everyone agrees that people do die and not all of them die from natural causes or from a fall over the edge when trying to get that perfect selfie, which does happen. Some Darwin Awards going out every year at the Grand Canyon, a variety of murders have occurred at the park over the years. Now, let's talk about Robert Spangler. 1978 Robert Spangler shot his wife Nancy and their two children to death

in their suburban Denver home. And he then staged the scene to make it look as if Nancy killed their children in a murder suicide. Despite his hands testing positive for gun residue, and despite detectives being suspicious of Robert from the very start, the police just didn't have enough evidence to build a case against this widower. Now, what does that murder have to do with the Grand Canyon?

As an isolated incident, nothing. It's his next murder that involves the park while we're bringing him up today. Robert would marry and kill again. 15 years later, wall vacation at the Grand Canyon in 1993, his son of a bitch threw his third wife Donna over the edge, just fucking threw her down the canyon. She plunged over 200 feet to her death. Detectives again were suspicious, but they didn't have enough evidence to prove

anything. They could not prove that she didn't accidentally slip and lose her balance. And he got away with murder again. Then in 2000, he was diagnosed with terminal cancer. And an investigator, Paul Goodman, a guy who had never forgot about Robert, went to his doorstep in the hopes that he just might be ready to confess what he actually did before he died. And this, this investigator was correct. And Spangler confessed to all four murders, mostly because he wanted FBI

profilers to tell him why he was so good at killing. Not because he fucking gave a shit about murdering his own children and two of his wives. Uh, he was sent to life in prison in March, 2001, and then he died of cancer five months later. And, and how where does this extra weird detail related to the Grand Canyon, his second wife, the only one of the three, he didn't murder, wrote a book on the Grand Canyon. On foot in the Grand Canyon, hiking the trails of the South Rim before he killed his third wife. And I just wonder if he used his ex-wife's guide to find a good spot to throw his current

wife off a fucking cliff. Oh my God. There have been numerous other Grand Canyon murders over the years. Many of them unsolved. In January of 1977, the bodies of Michael and Charlotte Sherman were discovered after having been shot execution style. In 2006, Swimmers discovered the body of a 34-year-old Japanese tourist below a waterfall. She'd been stabbed 29 times, and her body was reminiscent of another murder of a Japanese tourist who was stabbed to death the South Rim of the canyon several years earlier.

Actually, how hard to say how many murders have been committed in the Grand Canyon because their oftentimes isn't a weapon involved. The park is the weapon. When somebody's body is found at the bottom of a cliff, hard to say if they slipped, jumped, or were pushed, or thrown over. Recently on October 1, 2018, two hikers traversed a cliff about 100 feet below the south from the Grand Canyon. They were almost known as the social trail, which is, you know, a trail not recognized by the

National Park Service, but created over time by lots of visitors. This particular social social trail runs under the trail view or trail to overlook one of the park's most popular destinations on a clear day. You can see the full expanse the canyon from his overlook as the two hikers made their way around the base to cliff. They came across the bodies of a couple in what parks, spokesman person carry cob calls close proximity to one another. Neither of the deceased carried any identification with them nor was there any evidence they brought a backpack, water or other supplies, not clear how long they've been dead or how they died.

Their bodies were eventually identified as Garrett Bunkowski, 25 Jessica Bartz, 22, both from Peoria, Arizona, a suburb of Phoenix. They've been recorded entering the park at approximately 3 30 pm on September 18th. Presumably as a part of an extended road trip, they were taking as they relocated to Iowa. Everything else about what Bunkowski and Bartz, you know, how they died on the trail, what they did remains a mystery that will probably never be solved. Did one push the other over the edge, then overcome with guilt, throw themselves down to their death as well, did one fall, did the other bravely try to save them, only to fall as well,

did a third party, pushed both of them over the edge, did they both voluntarily jump, did they both slip, without eyewitnesses or security cam footage you just don't know. There have also been a number of deaths that were clearly suicides at the Grand Canyon. The first one I read about is probably the craziest suicide I have ever heard of. After watching the film Thelma and Louise, more than 50 times, 36-year-old Patricia Astolfo attempted to drive her car off the rim and straight into the Grand Canyon, just like in the movie, except without the police cornering her and her being wanted for murder. She drove solo, so apparently she was not able to find a Louise to go with her Thelma. I do wonder if she tried to recruit anybody. That would be a tough sell. That's a tough friend to find.

Oh my God, Thelma Louise is your favorite movie too. We should totally watch it together. And then we can just drive my car into the Grand Canyon. Yeah, okay. We should totally do that, Patricia. Do you really want to? I'll drive. I'm free to drive us over the cliff next Monday. Are you fucking serious? No, that was a movie.

Susan Saran and Gina Davis didn't actually drive off a cliff. You know that, right? Okay, stop it, Kim. Just because you don't want to drive off a cliff with me doesn't mean you have to trade a room, I trade a movie. Patricia really did try this. Pedal to the metal, she drove straight to the edge and then the car suspension got caught

on a little outcropping of rock Unable to drive over the edge her car now fucked up. She could have interpreted this as a sign She wasn't supposed to die that day. Nope She gets out of the car walks over to the edge of the cliff and now throws herself off and still doesn't die She lands 20 feet six meters below bloodied bruised, but still alive I think of that Austin powers. But I'm still alive. I think it was like Will Ferrell follows on the trap to I'm badly burned, but still alive. The second time is just a few minutes.

She is now trying to kill herself in the universe as an ravine and said, hold up, are you sure? You don't have to do this. You don't have to make this decision. It doesn't have to be so permanent, but she does. She tries a third time to do this. You don't have to make this decision. It doesn't have to be so permanent, but she does. She tries a third time to kill herself. She crawls to the edge of the cliff. She has just jumped down to and she's so beat up, she can't even like, like jump off,

she rolls off of the cliff and now dies. Man, that is a suicide attempt that is not a cry for help. That is a scream of, I am fucking out of here. So sad. Two chances to stop and think, I shouldn't do this, but you refuse to listen. And she's not the only person to attempt suicide by driving your car off a cliff into the Grand Canyon.

In 2009, 57 year old George Shorak checks out of the L to a Vara hotel and then drives his car straight over the edge of the South Rim, proving once and for all that men really do drive better than women. And I know it's a terrible joke. It's tasteless. It's fucking tasteless.

But come on. It practically wrote itself. I know it's sad. I know it's sad. But those two back to back, it's like the ball was right there on the tee. Back in 2004. A man in his 20s committed a very unusual suicide. I know, that's so messed up.

I might get some emails over that one. But back in 2004, a man in his 20s committed a very unusual suicide when he jumped out of a helicopter while on a scenic tour. The other passengers described him as seeming quiet and normal before leaping into the deepest part of the canyon, 4,000 feet below. I know this is also super dark. You guys know based on other episodes, I guess if you're a new listener, you don't know.

We've donated to suicide prevention charities. I'm very against it. But this already happened. It would have been pretty funny if the other pastors of the helicopter would have described him as being very impatient. I don't know. He seemed pretty agitated right before the jump. would have been pretty funny if the other pastors of the helicopter would have described him as being like very impatient. Right? Like, I don't know. He seemed pretty agitated right before the jump.

I mean, he said he, he forgot he made some plans with some friends who hiked to the bottom and he said he was running late. He asked the pilot to quickly take him to the bottom. When the pilot refused, he just muttered like, well, fuck it then. I was just fucking doing myself. And then he just, and then he jumped. All of these deaths, I know, for how you can say, have led to some alleged hauntings,

located just 20 feet, just six meters from the South Rim. The El Tavaar Hotel I just mentioned was the height of luxury when it opened for business in 1905, and it's been haunted pretty much from day one. At least according to numerous guests, who have sworn to have seen strange dark figures wandering about the buildings, rooms and hallways. Now maybe some of the hauntings that have occurred since 1934 have to do with a dude who

was buried right in front of the fucking hotel. It's a true story. Just a few feet from the building's front doors lies a flat, inconspicuous gravestone with an epitaph that reads Pearl, a ward 1879 to 1934. Why would you bear somebody, bear somebody right outside the front door? Ever since the mid 30s, countless visitors and employees have claimed to see a black, caped figure walking from the stairway to the grave site before wandering off and disappearing

into the woods. The cape is a weird touch. If I had to see a ghost walk into a grave, I think I'd prefer to have them not have a cape. Cape makes them seem a little extra sinister, right? Who is a fucking cape? Creeps and nuts. That's who? Can you imagine if you showed up to a first date and your date was wearing a cape?

Highly doubt your reaction would be like, fuck yeah, finally found the one. You're only thinking that if you're also some silly goose, who wears a cape to places. Many other visitors over the years have claimed to have witnessed a well-dressed elderly gentleman on the third floor. Some guests have even reported being invited by that man to attend the hotel's annual holiday celebration. For the last several years, the TV in the hotel's lobby will suddenly turn itself on a playthelma in Louise.

If it's unplugged, always place the scene of the car going over the cliff. And that's not true, but that would be scary if it were right And now because of my bad jokes. I've made I'm kind of worried that my TV's gonna do that It will it will for sure be the death of this podcast if that happens because I will I will literally die from fright Okay, no more Grand Canyon death. Let's get wackadoodle with my favorite Grand Canyon story so far. This is great in April of 1909, the Arizona Gazette published a lengthy story about an explorer from Idaho, yay Idaho, finding a gigantic hidden city in a Grand

Canyon cave. I want to read you, I'm going to read you two articles about this explorer in his discovery and remind you that these stories were printed in an actual newspaper, a reputable newspaper in phoenix uh... they would go on to become the phoenix is that in the air is on a republic uh... this paper has been published in some form all the way from uh... eight ninety five nineteen ninety seven this story was presented as actual news the first article about the man who found a lost Egyptian city in Arizona

was printed on march twelve nineteen 1909, and it says, GE concade of Louis de Naito arrived in Yuma after a trip from Green River, Wyoming down the entire course of the Colorado River. He is a second man to make this journey and came alone in a small skiff, stopping at his pleasure. That's real. That's, I didn't know that to investigate the surrounding country. He left Green River in October, having a small covered boat with horse and carrying a fine camera with which he secured over 700 views of the river and canyons which were unsurpassed. Mr. Kinkade says that one of the most interesting features of the trip was passing through

the sleuthsways at Laguna Dam. He made this perilous passage with only the loss of an ore. Some interesting archaeological discoveries were on Earth, and all together the trip was of such interest that he will repeat it next winter in the company of friends. And they love to say pleasure back then didn't he? He stopped at his pleasure and joined the warm touch of his own bodies he floated down the cold Colorado. I would say that nothing too interesting so far right? We'll check out this next article apparently Mr. King Cade could not wait until next winter to bring his friends down to Arizona, because he had found the coolest thing ever. This next article published just a few weeks later in April 5th is fucking fantastic. This is a work of wacky doodle art.

I love that it was printed. When you hear this, try to imagine yourself reading this in Phoenix in 1909. It's a small sun-baked desert city, only about 10,000 people at that time. It's a town based in farming largely and being a stop along the railroad, a new railroad. Made it a good spot to ship goods from the Southwest back east. You know, imagine that you're used to reading articles about what's going on back in Washington, DC,

about the construction of some new dams in the area that are gonna bring more water for more crops, about railroad progress, the passing of some locals, the births or marriages of locals, some land going up for sale, maybe an article or two about the former suck subject, Pancho via, you know, involved in some shootouts, some Tom Foulori around the Mexican border. You're used to that kind of stuff. And then one day in April, you read this shit. There are latest news of the progress of the explorations of what is now regarded by

a scientist is not only the oldest archeological discovery in the United States, but one of the most valuable in the world, which was mentioned some time ago in the Gazette, was brought to the city yesterday by GE Concade, the explorer who found the great underground citadel of the Grand Canyon during a trip from Green River Wyoming down in the Colorado in a wooden boat to Yuma several months ago. But it's worth it they said several months ago because the article just came out the month before. But anyway, according to the story related to the Gazette by Mr. King Cade, the archaeologist of the Smithsonian Institute, which is financing the expeditions, have made discoveries which

almost conclusively prove that the race which inhabited this mysterious cabin, Hune and solid rock by human hands, was of oriental origin, possibly from Egypt, tracing back to Ramses. If their theories are borne out by the translation of the Tablets engraved with hieroglyphics, the mystery of the prehistoric peoples of North America, their ancient arts, who they were and whence they came will be solved. Egypt and the Nile, the Arizona and the Colorado, will be linked by historical chain running back through the ages, which staggers the wildest fancy of the fictionist. And then the next section says, a thorough examination.

Under the direction of Professor S. A. Jordan, the Smithsonian Institute is now proceeding with the most thorough explorations, which will be continued until the last link in the chain is forged, nearly a mile underground, about 1480 feet below the surface, the long main passage has been delved into to find another mammoth chamber from which radiate scores of passageways, like the spokes of a wheel. Several hundred rooms have been discovered, reached by passageways, running from the main passage, one of them having been explored for 854 feet and another 634 feet. The recent finds include articles which have never been

known as native to this country and doubtless they had their origin in the Orient. War weapons, copper instruments, sharp edge and hardest steel indicate the highest state of civilization reached by these strange people. So interested have the scientists become that preparations are being made to equip the camp for extensive studies,

and the force will be increased to 30 or 40 persons. Can you fucking imagine reading this? Some huge underground city has been discovered in the Grand Canyon, and it's connected to Egyptians, and the writer keeps saying the Orient, which is weird, was Egypt, which is part of Africa, considered part of the Orient at some point.

I guess, maybe by some people, so wonderful, if you were weird. Okay, so he goes on, Mr. King Cage reported, it says, Mr. King Cage was the first white child born in Idaho and has been an explorer and hunter all his life. 30 years having been in the service of the Smithsonian Institute, even briefly recounted his history sounds fabulous, almost go TISC. First, I would impress, this is Mr.caid now. First, I would impress that the cabinet is nearly inaccessible. The entrance is 1486 feet down the Shear Canyon wall. It is located on government land and no visitor will be allowed there under penalty of trespass. The scientists wish to work unmolested without fear of archaeological discoveries being disturbed by curio or

relic hunters. A trip there would be fruitless, and the visitor would be sent on his way. The story of how I found the cavern has been related, but in a paragraph. I was journeying down the Colorado River at a boat, alone, looking for mineral. Some 42 miles up the river from the L2Var crystal canyon. I saw in the east wall, stains in the sedimentary formation about 2,000 feet above the riverbed. There was no trail at this point, but I finally reached it with great difficulty. About a shelf which hid it from view from the river was the mouth of the cave above a shelf,

excuse me. There are steps leading from this entrance, some 30 yards to what was. At the time the cabin was inhabited, the level of the river, when I saw the chisel marks on the wall inside the entrance, I became interested, securing my gun, and I went in. During the trip I went back several hundred feet along the main passage till I came to the crypt in which I discovered the mummies. One of these I stood up and photographed by flashlight.

I gathered a number of relics, which I carried down the Colorado to Yuma, from whence I shipped them to Washington with details of the discovery, following this, the explorations were undertaken. If this article was written in the past few decades, I would swear that some fucking loony tune watched Indiana Jones movies. They watched them wait too many times, maybe Tomb Raider. Didn't just went crazy.

Like, I love the whole, I found the coolest thing ever, but don't bother looking because the police will arrest you. They'll send you on your way to trespassing. So don't come check out the coolest thing anyone's ever found. Yeah, not fish at all. And again, imagine you're sitting in some dusty saloon and phoenix drinking some shitty coffee. A little whiskey soaking your own sweat from the devilish heat. And then you read that, you know, well, this is some hum big hover tail. I'm, I want to feel like a real heel. This is just some goops grift. And it continues, says the, uh, the passages, the main passageway is about 12 feet wide, narrowing to nine feet toward

the farther end, about 57 feet from the entrance, the first side passages branch off to the right and left, along which on both, are a number of rooms. About the size of an ordinary living room of today, those some are 30 by 40 feet square. These are entered by oval-shaped doors and are ventilated by round air spaces through the walls into passages. The walls are about three feet, six inches in thickness. The passages are chiseled or huned as straight as can be laid out by an engineer. The ceilings of many of the rooms converge to a center. The side passages near the entrance run at a sharp angle from the main hall, but toward the rear they gradually reach right angle in direction.

The shrine. Over a hundred feet from the entrance is the cross hall several hundred feet long in which are found the idol or image of the people's god, sitting cross-legged with a lotus flower or lily in each hand. The cast of the face is oriental and the carving is cavern. The idol almost resembles Buddha, though the scientists are not certain as to what religious worship it represents. Taking into consideration everything found thus far is possible that this worship most resembles the ancient people of Tibet. Okay, so it's not Egyptian. Maybe it's some ancient culture that spawned the Egyptians.

It's probably Atlantis. Probably, probably Atlantis. Surrounding this idol are smaller images, some very beautiful and form, others crooked necked and distorted shapes, symbolical. Probably of good and evil. There are two large cactus with protruding arms, one on each side of the dius on which the God squats Ha So it's a weird cactus God that is also Tybaton and is also Egyptian

You know what it almost seems like he's making all this shit up All this is carved out of hard rock resembling marble. Oh, we can't fucking marble now in the grand game. In the opposite corner of this cross hall, we're found tools of all descriptions made of copper. These people undoubtedly knew the lost art of hard in this metal, which has been sought by chemicals for centuries without result. On a bench running around the workroom with some charcoal, another material probably used in the process.

There is also slag and stuff similar to mat, showing that these ancient smelted oars, but so far no trace of where or how this was done or has been discovered. Nor the origin of the ore. Among the other finds or vases or urns, cups of copper and gold made very artistic in design. The pottery work includes enameled where and glazed vessels. Another passageway leads to granaries, such as those that are found in the Oriental temples. They contain seeds of various kind. Yeah bullshit seeds. One very large storehouse has not yet been entered as it is 12 feet high and can be reached only from above. Two copper hooks extend on the edge, which indicate that some sort of ladder was attached. These granaries are rounded as the materials of which they are constructed. I think is a very hard cement.

A grey metal is also found in this cavern which puzzles the scientist for its identity is not been established and resembles platinum. Strune promiscuously over the floor everywhere are what people call cat's eyes. A yellow stone of no-grade value, each one is engraved with the head of a malay type. The hieroglyphics. On all the urns or walls, the tablets of stone which were found by the image are the the hieroglyphics. On all the urns or walls over doorways, the tablets of stone which were found by the image of the mysterious hieroglyphics, the key to which the Smithsonian Institute hopes yet to discover. The engraving on the tables probably has something to do with the

religion of the people. Similar hieroglyphics have been found in southern Arizona. Among the pictorial writings, only two animals are found, one is of prehistoric type, the crypt. The two more crypt in which the mummies were found is one of the largest of the chambers, the wall slanting back at an angle of about 35 degrees. On these are tears of mummies, each one occupying a separate, hewn shelf at the head of each is a small bench on which is found copper cups and pieces of broken sores. Some of the mummies are covered with clay and all are wrapped in bark fabric. The urns or cups on the lower tiers are crude, while as the higher shelves are reached,

the urns of finer and design, showing a later stage of civilization. It is worthy of note that all the mummies examine so far, approved to be male, no children or females being buried. This leads to the belief that the exterior section was the warrior's barracks. Among the discoveries no bones of animals have been found, no skin, no clothing, no bedding. Many of the rooms are bare, but for the water vessels, one room about 40 by 700 feet was probably the main dining hall, for cooking utensils have been found. What these people lived on is a problem.

Though it is presumed that it is a problem when you're fucking making all this shit up, though it is presumed that they came south in the winter and formed in the valleys going back north in the summer upwards of 50,000 people could have lived in the caverns comfortably. One theory is that the present Indian tribes found in Arizona are descendants of the slaves of the people and who inhabited the cave. Undoubtedly, a good many thousand of years, before thousands of years before the Christian era a people lives here who reached a high stage of civilization the chronology of human history is full of gaps professor Jordan is much enthused uh over the discoveries and believes that the will find will prove of incalculable value in archeological work. So let me get this shit straight very advanced civilization capable of carving out the space for a giant city in the rock of the Grand Canyon.

A civilization reliant on agriculture. Why wouldn't they build their civilization? I don't know, maybe fucking closer to the fields where people actually grow shit. Why would you build it when the bottom of the canyon in the cave? Like why build it in a place that is the biggest pain in the ass to get to? A place where you don't have room to farm There's no livestock to grace down there a place where if you hunt for food you have to fucking drag your kills Down to the bottom of the goddamn Grand Canyon

Seems a tad bit porti plant That that to me is the main problem with the folklore concerning underground cities. How are you gonna eat? Right? What are these people eating like what what are they just storing all the meat? Or like these caves that these don't make sense to me? Are these people just living on fucking mushrooms and worms? I don't think you can do that by the way. I don't think you you probably should do that You probably shouldn't live on mushrooms and worms Probably also not good to live in a cave while you're eating that not getting a lot of vitamin D

You would you look like shit if you lived in a cave and ate mushrooms and worms just dude your skin man is is falling off in fucking patches dude what even living on mushrooms and worms yes exactly correct but please excuse me what I pass out from my own nutrition uh one thing oh Jesus Christ uh I forgot, this article goes all a bit more, I thought we were done. He says, one thing I've not spoken of, which may be of interest, there is one chamber of the passageway, which is not ventilated. And when we approached a deadly,

snakey smell struck us. Our light would not penetrate the gloom. Until stronger ones are available, we will not know what the chamber contains. Some say snakes. But others boohoo this idea. And think it may contain a deadly gas or chemicals used by the ancients. No sounds are heard.

But it smells snaky, just the same. The whole underground installation gives one of shaking herbs the creeps. The gloom is like a way to one's shoulders, and our flashlights and candles only make the darkness blacker. Imagination can revel in conjectures and ungodly daydreams back to the ages that will have elapsed till the mind reels dizzily in space. What are you writing, fucking poetry? Smelling snakey.

How per- yeah, this whole story smells pretty snakey. The next section is an Indian legend. In connection with this story, it is notable that among the Hopi Indians, the tradition is told that their ancestors once lived in an underworld in the Grand Canyon. Telled ascension arose between the good and the bad. The people of one heart and the people of two hearts, Macheto, who was their chief, counseled them to leave the underworld, but there was no way out. The chief then caused a tree to grow up and pierced the roof of the underworld, and the

people of one heart climbed out. They tarried by the Red river, which is the Colorado and Ruegrain and Corn. They sent out a message to the temple of the sun asking the blessing of peace, goodwill and rain for the people of one heart. That messenger never returned, but today at the Hopi villages, its sundown, can be seen the old men of the tribe out on their house tops, gazing towards the sun, looking for the messenger. When he returns their lands and ancient dwelling place will be restored to them. That is the tradition. Among the engravings of animals, in the cave was seen the image of a heart over the spot

where it is located. The legend was learned by W.E. Rollins, the artist during a year spent with Hopi Indians. Oh man, I can tell coming together man, Egyptians, Indians. It's all part of the same ancient advanced culture. I get why he kept saying or it now man, you know, it makes sense. Now this story as you can imagine caused a huge sensation when it was published. And as you can imagine, it was almost immediately discredited. The Smithsonian has no record of either of these scientists nor their discoveries

and firmly quells any claim that Egyptian artifacts have been found anywhere in north or south america also no one was able to find the giant caves that were written about uh... no evidence of a civilization described in this area and outside of the story there is no proof of anyone named g.e. concade there's no Idaho born explorer named net there is no professor s a jordan the smiths donate has no record of someone of either name, ever doing fucking anything for them. Considering the lack of evidence and appear off the wall sensation of the report,

it seemed like there's a very good chance that this was just a hoax perpetrated by the newspaper to sell more copies of the paper, which did happen from time to time with old papers. They were just right, insane stories to sell papers. Despite this being an obvious hoax, there are a lot of people who still believe this tale today. This story has woven itself into the fabric of Wacadoodles. Other Frenzy authors and explorers have claimed to find the same cave, conspiracy theorist John Rhodes. He claims to know the secret to the cave. Although, of course, he won't say where it is. He says it's constantly guarded by armed security, as it has become the base of operations for a shadowy, secret illuminati type society.

Of course it has. And my favorite wacky dude, David Ike, the man behind the lizard illuminati conspiracy, the man behind the conspiracy about alien lizards ruling the earth, he believes in this city. Ike believes that the Kincaid cave system not only exists, but is one of the reptilians most important underground cities right up there with the Denver airport. In his 1999 masterpiece, the biggest secret, a copy rest here in the South Dungeon, Ike writes, in 1909, a subterranean city, which was built with the precision of the great pyramid, was found by GE Kincaid near the Grand Canyon in Arizona.

It was big enough to accommodate 50,000 people and the mummified bodies found were of Oriental or possibly Egyptian origin according to the expedition leader, Professor S.A. Jordan. My own research suggests that it is from another dimension, the lower fourth dimension, where the reptilian control and manipulation is primarily orchestrated.

Right? Another well-researched fact spread to the masses by Truthseeker by Truthspreader David Ike. Now let's see what the masses think about this lost city in today's idiots of the internet. Idiots, I'll be into that, into that, into that. Internet. It is the Internet. Okay. For today, I found a video titled GE Concade, Egyptian Artifacts in the Grand Canyon. It's published on July 5, 2017 by Ancient Mystery. The video's description is pretty sweet. It says, the Egyptians' Grand Canyon, the Egyptian artifacts and the real history of the mighty

unforgiving Grand Canyon, all started by bringing this to your attention. Prime Minister Nubar Pasha of Egypt was first Prime Minister of Egypt. Was the first, as both say, and served his first term from January 1884 to June 1888. He contacted the U.S. Department of State and requested that all of the Egyptian artifacts found in the Grand Canyon to be returned to Egypt. He also requested that no more information about Egyptians ever being in the Grand Canyon be published by this Smithsonian Institution. So it seems this Smithsonian has also been silenced at around the same time giant discoveries were increasing. GE Concaid served in the Marine Corps. After retiring, he worked for SA Jordan as an archaeologist.

Jordan was sent to the Grand Canyon by the Smithsonian Institute to investigate the information that was reported by John Wesley Powell. The tunnel is presently on Cliff Wall, 395 feet above the present flow of the Colorado River in the Grand Canyon. Archaeologists estimate that the man made cavern is around 3000 years old. Watch video for more information on the Egyptians and the Grand Canyon found by G.E. Concade and mythology explored by ancient mystery on YouTube. Okay, the only true parts of that description is that there really was an explorer named John Wesley Powell who did explore the Grand Canyon in 1869, but he did not find Egyptian

anything, fucking nothing. Also, New Barbarale was the first prime minister of Egypt, but he never demanded that the Smithsonian return Egyptian artifacts found in the Grand Canyon to Egypt because that never happened. And he of course never demanded that the Smithsonian to be silent. And even if he did, who gives a fuck what Egypt thinks?

Like, that's such a ridiculous thing. Like, I mean, no offense if we have like Egyptian listeners, but Egypt has never been even close to a military threat to the United States. Like Egypt could ask us or demand whatever it wants. We would never listen, right? Egypt would be like, hey, it's Miss Tony, and I don't want you to talk about Egypt.

We'd be like, we don't fucking give a shit what you want. We'll take over your country if you don't let us do more archeology digs, all right? What do you have like 17 people in your army? So this is all nonsense. This is a made up fairy tale. Repeat it over and over again on Jankyass website to try to sell you shit like monotonic gold and ormice. Okay, so here's the comments.

Lou Hernandez posts. Another amazing video. Thank you. After the report on the Phoenix newspaper in the early 1900s, the Smithsonian covered up the discovery. What a crime. This would completely change our history and raise many more questions, particularly with the Aztecs and Mayans.

The Egyptians really were technologically advanced. How were they able to cut these underground cities so smoothly? Well, I'll tell you how they were able to cut these underground cities so smoothly? Well, I'll tell you how they were able to do it, Lou. They didn't do it. That's how they never did it. So you're able to do a lot of things when you don't actually have to do anything.

When you just get to make up whatever facts supposedly happened. Also, why in God's name with the Smithsonian want to cover this up? Why would they want to cover up the single greatest archeological discovery in all of North America, if not the entire world? That makes zero sense.

Like why would a museum that makes money, charging people to see cool shit, hide the coolest shit they have ever found, especially when they found it in their own country, on land that the government owns. It's like the easiest fucking, it's like, be the easiest fucking, it's got to be the best thing that ever happened to Smithsonian. That's, that's like saying, an oil company has covered up the discovery of a massive amount of previously underscroved

oil discovered on land that the oil company already owns and has the right to mind. Like, there's no motive. This is what kills me about so many conspiracy theorists. They have no fucking clue how to understand motive. Like when there is zero motive for the conspiracy, there is no conspiracy. Like I have to say that over and over again, there's no fucking conspiracy when there's no motive. Nathaniel Barron posts a little time suck reference, even though I'm strongly guessing

he's not a time sucker. He says, great info. There are those that theorized that the whole canyon was man-made. The rock formations look a lot like those found in the area of Sodom and Gomorrah, along Nimrod's castle, along with Nimrod's castle. Also, just a name of few, so I'm inclined, there's grammar so terrible it's actually hard to understand what they're fucking trying to say sometimes. Just an, okay, anyway, he says I'm inclined to agree with him. I had no idea that Nimrod was say sometimes. Just to, okay, anyway, he says I'm inclined to agree with him.

I had no idea that Nimrod was building amazing cities. Hey, well, he'll Nimrod. Now I buy it. Nimrod builds a city in the bottom of the Grand Canyon for the cult of the curious to live in when Armageddon hits. It makes sense. That's when we go full cult.

That's when we start having so much sex with each other and we wait for the end of the world. Cause I do think you have to do that at some point if you're a cult, right? I think you have to go to a compound and you have to fuck each other a whole bunch and wait for the end of the world. I'm pretty sure that's in one of the first five rules of how to start a cult, which is a book. I'm sure someone has priored it in somewhere.

There actually are those who theorize that the cany was man-made. They're called maniacs and wacky deals. Den Bo posts never heard of this before. Yeah, of course you haven't. It's nonsense. That's the reason you haven't heard of it. It's Gaby Gook. User Tanmin, 1107 Post and Gibberish

that prompts ancient mystery, the channel to respond with a comment proving here she is even more insane than I initially thought. Tanmin posts, do you believe the earth is flat? Have you heard the theory of mountains being gigantic trees that were cut down, like devil's tower, for instance? For fuck's sake. Apparently there are people who believe that the earth is flat and that mountains are

just, uh, giant tree stumps. And then ancient mysteries responds with, I don't trust NASA. If they say we live on a globe, I don't believe them. Credibility, LOL. Ha ha ha. Cred trust NASA. If they say we live on a globe, I don't believe them. Credibility, LOL. Credibility, NASA. The rocks do appear to be steps. This is a real belief. There is actually a belief among some flat authors that what we call forest are just tiny remnants of ancient, of an ancient and vibrant world, one that featured trees with trunks as big as mountains, trees that reach the heavens. Some people believe that the things we call forest

are in reality just low, line bushes, the impoverished remains of an ecologically rich world that held 40 mile high trees with trunks two miles across. And how do we know this happened? That they left their tree trumps, tree stump, excuse me behind. Flat top mountains are actually remnants of just giant trees, cut down by large machines, right?

Those same machines dug all the canyons, like the great canyons, like the Grand Canyon, like River Valley, they're just old quarry mines, their clips have been carved by machines, volcanoes are actually just heaps of industrial waste, left behind from big machines that ravaged the earth, toxic chemicals inside them, react, generating heat and fire, that's what makes explosions.

Why do certain people think this? Because it's how the world looks to them. Seriously, the Earth appears flat, so therefore it must be flat. They stand on a beach, they look out the ocean, it's flat, world must be flat. The same people will look at devil's tower and Wyoming and be like, that looks like a giant tree stump. So therefore must be giant tree stump. You know, it's just that, that logic of, if something looks like something,

it must be that thing. It's fucking idiotic. These people have no understanding of math, no understanding of geology. Just a, I believe, what I see, that looks like something, so it must be that thing. Robert Schruzberry Is apparently also an explorer and he too has found evidence of ancient Egyptian life beneath the Arizona desert of course

Yes, he posts from my work. I found several Egyptian tunnels like Kincaid's cave However, they would need to be handled with care my machinery can detect a void or tunnel up to several hundred feet deep. These tunnels are about two thousand feet long and close to the little Colorado connecting the larger Grand Canyon. I also get good readings on metals down deep with my machinery. You got to love a post that starts off with, from my work, immediately you know you're listening to a maniac. From my work, I too have concluded that not all aliens do mean as harm. From my work, I have determined that the city of Atlantis is in fact still inhabited by more people. From my work, I hypothesize that my mother will

begin to start letting me stay past 10 p.m. on the weekends. Once I turn 35, she'll let me use my machinery. This guy didn't have any replies under this fantastic comment, so I thought about anyone. I actually typed out, from my work, I was able to determine that you have no idea what you're fucking talking about. And the only tunnel you've ever found was discovered the day you were born and that's your mother's vagina. But I didn't post it because it felt cruel.

I felt like I was being bullied. I felt like I was writing something that wasn't going to convince Robert Schruzbury or probably anybody else to no longer be an idiot of the internet. Idiot. I'll be into that. Okay, so now for one final quick Grand Canyon legend before we move on to another park. One of the tribes that inhabited the canyon long before European settlers showed up was the Hopi, and the Hopi believed in the god Masa, the supposed keeper of death.

And if you see strange lights coming towards you from within the canyon at night, or you hear a faint tapping of rocks, Masa is coming for you. Many canyon explorers have allegedly experienced Nasha and Ex anxiety shortly after hearing these rocks clanking. A large number of accidents have allegedly occurred following the sound of Mesa. Excuse me. So maybe Mesa's tossing people off clips here and there. Maybe he built the hidden Egyptian city. Maybe he's fucking tired of people driving cars and doing his Canyon and littering it up. Who knows? Time now for our next park and our next set of mysteries.

Yozemite National Park while Yellowstone became America's first national park in 1872, Yozemite National Park is actually the first wilderness site that the US government had decided to protect in 1864 when conservationists convinced Abraham mother fucking Lincoln to declare the assembly valley and the Mariposa Grove of giant Sequoia is a public trust of California. This marks the first time the U.S. government protected land for public enjoyment and laid the foundation for the establishment of the national and state park systems. On October 1st 1890 Congress set aside over 1500 square miles

about the size of Rhode Island for America's third national park, the O'Semony located in the Sierra Nevada mountain range just over 150 miles due east of San Francisco. Home of L. Capitan, a giant granite cliff that stands tall about the O'Semony Valley, one of the most popular rock climbing destinations in the world. There are ancient groves of Sequoias and so many waterfalls But who gives a shit about nature today? Where to get weird? Right? Let's let's talk about who's visiting the park. Let's talk about visitors who don't pay Park entrance dues because they're not from this planet and they feel like they're above the law. Let's talk about some cheap-ass UFOs On the evening of September 19th 2002 a strange disc appeared in the sky over Yosemite National Park, a number of people

captured the supposedly alien craft on video. It is now recognized as one of some of the best UFO footage ever taken. Moments after the strange object was seen in the sky, Air Force jets arrived and circled the area, but the pilots were unable to find anything. What did those people see in 2002? And this incident is just one of many alleged UFO encounters that have occurred in the assembly national park with numerous visitors claiming to have seen strange lights in the sky. Now, some of dismissed the sightings as meteors or just optical illusions, but what is the

truth? Now, I've watched this video. To me, it looks like it's some sort of rocket. To me, it looks like something probably from this world, but that's just me. And I'm just looking at one of many sidings. Who knows? I mean Fresno, California, less than 60 miles from the park. There have been so many sidings of similar looking pale, long-legged bipedal entities between

Fresno and Yosemite that people have actually started calling these creatures Fresno Nightcrawlers. And they don't scare me one bit. I'm not even fucking scared, you guys, because it's a light outside right now, and I'm not alone, and I'm a long way from Fresno. I would feel very differently if I was camping out in the dark Yosemite and saw some weird lights. In addition to aliens, Yosemite may also be cursed. Have we ever talked about a curse on the suck before?

Yes, the Mothman suck. In that suck, we referenced a curse on the land around Point Pleasant West Virginia, where Chief Cornstock was murdered in 1777 by some dirty dealing commander of Fort Randolph for crimes he never committed. And it was believed by some that the land was put under a curse for a hundred years. And now we have another curse that has to do with American Indians being dealt a dirty hand by some white settlers. Come on, white settlers, stop doing curse, where they shit.

When white settlers first arrived in Yosemite Valley, they encountered a tribe of American Indians called the Awani, who were a peaceful people, but also prone to occasionally poach a little bit of livestock from their new neighbors. In the 1850s, the new settlers decided they'd had enough of sharing the land with the locals who kept taking their shit, which I do understand, but also kind of hypocritical, right? Just a little bit of an additive of, hey, we didn't come over here and steal your land just to have you steal the shit that we put on the land we stole from you. Where's your integrity?

And I know, I know, I know. It's more complicated than that. The settlers weren't stealing land. They were legally settling land that their government had taken. But if you're a member of the Iwani from their perspective, these motherfuckers just stole your land. And now they won't even share their livestock with you. Not cool.

The settler sought to relocate the Iwani to a reservation near Fresno. The normally peaceful Iwani led by chief, uh, uh, Tania did not feel like moving. Understandable. First of new folks show up on your land without asking. peaceful awani led by chief uh... uh... tenia did not feel like moving understandable first of new folks show up on the land without asking and now they think the land is theirs and now they want you off that land the awani refused to leave so the settlers call for the army a contingent of arm men led by captain john bowling show up to forcibly removed the tribe and things go anything but smoothly

instead of fleeing in fear of the troops show up the awani fight back during the ensuing gunfight chief uh... tonight is son is killed and he invokes a curse on the valley and a curse against the white men. Legend has it. The chief blared out this curse as he was confronted by an armed captain during the battle. He supposedly said, kill me captain. Yes, kill me as you killed my son, as you would kill my people if they were to come to you. You would kill all my race. If you had the son, as you would kill my people if they were to come to you. You would kill all my race if you had the power. You have made me sorrowful, my life dark.

You killed a child of my heart. Why not kill the father? You may kill me, Sir Captain, but you shall not live in peace. I will follow in your footsteps. I will not leave my home, but be with the spirits among the rocks, the waterfalls, in the rivers and in the wind. Wherever you go, I will be with the spirits among the rocks the waterfalls in the rivers and in the wind Wherever you go, I will be with you. You will not see me, but you will fear the spirit of the old chief and grow cold That's some fucking intense shit. That's a good curse. I've ever heard one

Since that fateful day tonight a canyon and by some accounts the whole you 70 Valley has been played by all sorts of freak accidents strange deaths mishaps unexplained phenomena such as unexplained noises such as shadowy apparitions fucking shadow people course they're part of that curse that the scariest things in existence There are supposedly far more incidents of rock climbing and hiking accidents and fatalities in sanaya Uh in that area than other places in the park So many people have gone missing that that the area has earned itself the ominous nickname of the Bermuda Triangle of Yosemite. Even the legendary naturalist and extremely experienced Mountaineer John Weir was not immune to the supposed curse.

He had a near fatal accident while exploring the canyon in 1873. He wrote about it later in 1918 in his book, Steve Trails, writing, I was ascending a precipitous rock front, smoothed by glacial action when I suddenly fell. For the first time since I touched foot to see our rocks, after several summer salts, I became insensible from the shock, and when consciousness returned, I found myself wedged among short stiff bushes.

I cannot remember what made me fall or where I had fallen from, but I saw that if I had rolled a little further, my mountain climbing would have been finished. For just beyond the bushes, the canyon wall steepened, and I might have fallen to the bottom. Also, the official park trail guide map marks a hike through the cursed land and stark red with a disclaimer that says hiking in tonight's canyon is dangerous or excuse me is dangerous and is strongly discouraged.

All right, now let's talk about some honnets. We've talked about UFOs, talked about Kersland, what else has happened in Yosemite? Ghosts. The majestic Yosemite hotel, formerly known as the Yawani Hotel, named after the previously mentioned Doom Tribe, is supposedly full of all kinds of spirits and spooky creepy shit.

Open in 1927, the Awani Hotel immediately became one of America's premier vacation destinations. It was a large, luxurious hotel built in an area known for mostly camping and small lodges, it's elegant, yet rustic, organic feel, and the majestic grandeur of its scenic surroundings quickly made it a very popular spot. And now it's popular with ghost hunters. to grandeur of its scenic surroundings quickly made it a very popular spot. And now it's popular with ghost hunters. One spirit said to inhabit the hotel is the ghost of Mary Curry, Tresseter. Mary was part of the hotel's design. She was part of the hotel's opening.

She lived in the hotel for most of her life, died in her private apartment inside the hotel in 1970, and her spirit supposedly lingers on the sixth floor, where her room was located. Siding of her ghost are frequently reported by both staff and guests. Mary has been reported to tucking visitors as they sleep, fold their clothes, misplaced items around rooms, and even occasionally call out to guests. Sounds like a pretty friendly ghost, really. How weird would it be to get tucked in by ghost? Like, I think I'd be super scared at first to see the covers move, maybe even paralyzed with fear, but then maybe less scared if the ghost gently tucked me in. Now, gently being the keyword.

In aggressive tuck in, that doesn't make me feel safe. Makes me feel like you're trying to chuck me out. Maybe self-acate me. No one likes aggressive tuck, but a gentle tuck and then folding on my clothes, that's a nice touch to a hotel stay. That's not a bad haunting, that's a sweet haunting. I like sweet ghosts.

And what if the ghosts happen to look like Lucifina? Like sexy ass Lucifina. Oh, man, I'll tatted up, sexy fishnets, black leather boots, maybe a black leather corset, maybe some kind of guard belt situation. Some kind of black sea through top. Maybe, you know, long, thick kind of guard belt situation, some kind of black sea through top, maybe long, thick, kind of wavy, black hair, pulled into a ponytail of some kind,

maybe the hair shaved down to the skin on one side of the head. Now we're talking about a good haunting. That's the kind of haunting I'm into. You know, I don't even mind an aggressive talking in that situation. I don't mind an aggressive untucking. I don't mind ripping off of talking in that situation. I don't mind an aggressive untucking. I don't mind a ripping off of the boxer briefs by the ghost, maybe some other ghost stuff,

maybe some spectral sex. Maybe a little bit of warm ghost vagina, doing some stuff, you know, maybe that's okay. Maybe I should stop turning this episode into some creepy ghost porn. Maybe get back into national parks. Maybe I've just made this real weird for people listening with their kids, you know?

I just wanna say ghost sex. If I'm gonna be haunted, that's what I want. Now and then another spirit said to inhabit the Awani hotel is connected to a rocking chair kept in the room that former suck subject and US president, John F Kennedy, the office for fuck, John fuck Kennedy. Uh, he stayed in there. That would be so great if that was true. What's his middle name?

It's fuck actually john fuck kennedy uh... it's john fuck fighter kill kennedy is his name uh... he said he stayed under visit nineteen sixty two a year before he become infimously assassinated at the uh... at the time the chair had been put in the room the president's request because you had back pain if you remember from that suck is back was a hurt a lot

he reportedly spent a long time in the chair calmly rocking away uh. The chair was removed from the room when he left, but oddly, since his death, a spectral rocking chair has often been reported moving on its own in rooms and halls throughout the hotel, stirred floor, which is where his room was. And especially these have been reported in the actual room itself. And the chair always seems to rock back and to the left, back into the left. I could not help myself again, sorry. Ghost rocking chair. That's not so scary to me. If it's rocking gently, and again, gently being key here, if it's an aggressive, just like rocking back and forth, like super unnaturally fast, fuck that. I grab my bags. I thank the other ghost for folding up my clothes. I

thank the sex ghost for the sex and I go home. While the rocking chair and the ghost of Mary Curie, Tresseter are the most often cited spirits. They're not the only ones. Strange noises, disembodied footsteps, other apparitions have been witnessed. They actually helped inspire the look into, excuse me, the look of this hotel actually helped inspire the look of this hotel, actually helped inspire the overlook hotel from Stanley Kubrick's classic horror film The Shining. This is like a known creepy hotel. The Yosemite Awani Hotel isn't the only haunted hotel in Yosemite National Park. The Sierra Sky Ranch Hotel is also allegedly haunted and has even scarier guests.

Originally built in 1877, the Sierra Sky Ranch started his life as a sanitarium for housing and quarantine victims of tuberculosis, already getting creepy. Victims who lived mostly in the squalor, people forgotten by society, many of them died there, many of them were kids who died there. In later years, the premises became a home for veterans of World War I, and then it went on to become a modest 29 room hotel. And that's what it is today. We're guest constantly report a strange, excuse me, strange sightings and other paranormal

activity. One of the most common types of ghostly occurrence at the Sierra Sky Ranch is that of phantom children. No thank you. Spooky ghost kids said to run up and down the stairs, run up and down the halls. They can be heard doing the little creepy giggles, doing weird whispers, talking with no one's around. Whispers and giggles coming from the walls themselves. Fuck, no, no, thank you.

Gentle or not. I don't know why ghost kids scare me the most. I would rather if I had to pick between a large scary ghost monster thingy or a little whispery giggly ghost kid thingy, I'm gonna actually pick the monster. Ghost kids, man, creep me out. These spectral children are reportedly most often cited in the media room and the main living room

of the hotel, blamed for some of the poltergeist activity reported Such as lights faucets and appliances turning on and off doors opening or slamming shut guest clothes being tugged what guest clothes being tugged by unseen hands. Oh my that's when I die. That's when I fall over dead of a heart attack Other ghosts said do inhabit the Sierra Sky Ranch are a woman who supposedly lurks about the main house and library who smells of perfume. Okay, I like that. There's a ghostly bar patron who kisses bar visitors and bartenders on the cheek.

All right, okay, that's okay. And then there's the more sinister entity of a scowling, angry looking man who paces around the hotel veranda and violently knocks over furniture. No, uh-uh. You, sir, can take the ghost kids and you can go in the woods and violently knock around some brush where no one has the fucking hear you. There are so many tales of hauntings and spirits in the assembly national park. I could do an entire time suck on just these tales.

A couple. We're not going to get to all of them today, but here's the last one. You have somebody's most famous waterfall, bridal veil fall, cascade 617 feet down a sheer granite cliff, also maybe haunted. The Awani tribe we've spoken of believe that the the falls are haunted by an evil spirit called Bihono. Bihono known to try and lure unsuspecting victims over the edge to their deaths. Sometimes Bihono uses hypnotic rainbows in the mist to draw people closer and in other cases the spirit cries out to lure the curious to step one step too far out into the water. Sometimes Bihono even appears as an apparition to beckon people close

enough to the edge for a strong gust of wind to fling them over the falls. And there actually been a few recorded deaths over the years of people falling, slipping over the fall, being smashed into the rocks far below, the wind super unpredictable to top of the falls. Campers in the area have also reported hearing strange voices or sounds coming from the direction of the falls at night. And I actually found an audio recording, supposedly of this entity recorded last summer on June 11th, 2018. Let me play it for you now.

Hi, campers! Come check out his cool waterfall! Pouring another drink, Charles, and don't miss any of this. I'm feeling a goddamn glass, you bastard. No spirits over here, campers! Ha! Hold! Pooh no,ono isn't pushing anybody off the legs. No, sir, he just wants to hold your hand. While you lean over and just feel the refreshing,

pristine water, stop moving your hands so much, Charles, you're trying to help me talk, you're trying to turn me on. Wee, that way you want to hit a charge, you pervert! WEEEEEEES! Ah, so there's that recording, huh? Ah, waterfall spirit sounded a lot like a drunk woody, fighting with Charles Gutman.

So, you know, make it that what you wish. Ah, you know, somebody's also had a share of disappearances over the years. Ah, are the Fresno night crawlers taken people? Is it the curse of the Iwani? Is it ghosts? Maybe the most mysterious vanish you do have ever occurred at the Yosemite National Park is the disappearance of 14-year-old Stacy Ann Aris in 971. These stories always weird me out. On the afternoon of July 17, 91, Aris was on a camping trip with her father and six others at the sunrise here at Camp. Small cluster of cabins for people passing through on hikes along the popular mountain

chalet loop. Ares expressed interest in taking some photos of a nearby lake and since it was close by, her dad says she was fine to go alone. Another member of the group, a 72 year old man named Gerald Stewart, did decide to go with her, as the two approached the lake, the older man reportedly sat down to take a rest. Take a little break as Aris went on ahead. In the meantime, other members of the group were able to look down and see the whole thing from a ridge, and they watched as Aris disappeared into some trees.

When she didn't come back out of the trees within a reasonable length of time, the group goes and looks for her, can only find the lens of her camera. No other trace of the girl whatsoever. An extensive official search of the area using helicopters and tracker dogs would have no luck finding her either, even though they saw exactly where she disappeared. Eventually, the search is called off

because no one could find any evidence at all regarding what happened to her. Park Superintendent Robert Bennewease would say say at the time she just seems to have disappeared. Since she was wearing braces on her teeth, her skeleton would be somewhat easy to identify, but no sign of her has ever been found. What happened to her? Nobody knows. Something she was abducted by aliens. Uh, something, um, many people have been abducted by aliens in the Yosemite, the National Park Service. They don't know, because they actually,

also they don't keep track of missing persons in the park. The National Park Service doesn't know how many individuals have disappeared in this park over the years or it's parks. So that makes me think about the Grand Canyon disappearances earlier. Who knows how many people are disappearing in the parks. David, Paulides, or Paulides, I can sound something.

David, what, David doesn't matter or, Paulides, I can something. David, what David doesn't matter. A famous author on mysterious vanishings who has written numerous books on the matter, in particular, uh, on those which have occurred within US national parks, thinks the parks try to cover up the disappearances. He claims that during his investigation of the era's case park, uh, officials were evasive and reticent to release any info on it when faced with a request under the Freedom of Information Act, even going as far as to allegedly deliberately withhold and flat out hide facts relating to it.

He repeatedly accused National Park officials as being corrupt and suspiciously secretive on such mysterious disappearances. Is there something Senator going on? More recently, strange disappearances include the 2005 vanishing of 51 year old Michael Allen Fisserie, who was an avid experienced hiker and backpacker. On June 15th, 2005, Michael headed out on hike along the northern end of the Hetchy reservoir. But at some point, changes mine, whenever the Pacific Crest Trail, that'd be the last time anyone saw him. When he did not return after his wilderness permit expired,

a search was carried out, but all that could be found was a backpack containing a topographical map, a camera, and a bottle of water. Massive search involving personnel from five counties, utilizing aircraft and tracker dogs were unable to find any trace of the missing hiker and his case remains utterly unsolved. In June of 2011, there was the case of 30-year-old George Pinka, who was out hiking at the upper

Yosemite Falls with his church group. During the hike, he fell behind the group, proceeded to completely vanish off the face of the earth. Despite extensive searches, no sign of him was ever found. And then, strangely with him, Yosemite National Park officials took down his missing persons page just a few weeks after he vanished. Damn you, Fresno, night crawlers, damn you to hell. So you meet Saks ready to book those those camping spots yet?

A lot of weird shit going on. Let's pick a different park now. Let's head east, way east. Let's go crypto zoological. Let's go all the way to Puerto Rico and talk about the legend of the Chubacabra right after today's sponsor. Time suckers brought you today by hymns. I would love in their morning glow vitamin C serum and their good night wrinkle cream.

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Unque. All right, so we now visit El Yunque National Forest. 28,000 acres of rainforests was initially set aside in 1876 by King Alfonso, the 12th of Spain, and is one of the oldest nature preserves in the Western Hemisphere. And it became a national forest in 1906. Located 20-minute drive east of San Juan, the rainforest is the largest block of public land on the island of Puerto Rico. And also Puerto Rico's most visited natural attraction. There are over 240 species of plants and trees in all UK, Teno petrocliffs.

There's still maybe some rare parrots not have been seen, actually, sadly, since the, not alive anyway, since the recent hurricanes Irma and Maria, lots of frogs, lots of hiking trails, and possibly some chupacoperas. What is a chupacopera? The great Nimrod, he's part chupacopera. Nimrod, our time's like God, I feel remember as a giant space sask watch, the size of an entire galaxy with the head of a chupacopera,

who rides a black unicorn with flaming suns for eyes. Hail Nimrod! But a regular old chupacop is a little blood drinking monster that especially likes the blood of goats. Physical descriptions vary, some report it to be a heavy creature, size of a small bear, with the row of spines reaching from the neck to the base of the tail. Some describe it to be a reptile-like creature, said to have a leathery or scaly greenish gray skin and sharp spines or quills running down his back.

Often reported to be three to four feet tall and stands and hops in a fashion similar to that of a kangaroo. Still others described as looking like some strange breed of wild dog. Generally, described as being mostly hairless with the pronounced spinal ridge, unusually pronounced eye sockets, fangs, and claws, and is reported to drain all of his victims' blood and sometimes organs through three holes in the shape of a downwards pointing triangle. Still others describe it as a shift EI guy named Todd, who works the cash register at the 7-11 on Friday and Saturday nights and never asked ID for six or beer and always wears

his shirts a bit too unbuttoned and too tight and smells like cabbage. And of course that last description is not true. This is, that's not a chubacapa, that's a creepy Todd, which is a different creature. The chubacapa is a strange, strange beast, may come from El Yunkay. Tales of chubacapa first emerged in Puerto Rico in the late 1990s, actually specifically in 1995. This beast was thought to be responsible for killing and draining the blood of livestock, which earned his nickname Chibacopera Spanish for goat sucker. And the first person to ever see this monster,

we know the first sighting is Madeline Tolentino, a woman from Kenovanas, a small town east of San Juan in Puerto Rico. In 1995 she claims to have spotted a scary alien like creature out of a window and uh... this this uh... little town she lives in only about two miles from el you can't and the legend quickly became that the beast came from the park

her story traveled fast many reported sightings soon followed soon reports of livestock were found drained of blood accompanying the sightings the legend quickly spread around the island then the rest of latin america into the southern u.s and then it blew up online spread by uofo enthusiasts and conspiracy theor, then the rest of Latin America into the southern U.S. and then it blew up online spread by UFO enthusiasts and conspiracy theorists to the rest of the world. Then in the early 2000s, a different Chubacabra arrived in the scene.

The folklore evolved. This one shared some of the traits of the earlier sightings, but was a little less alien in look. This time it was described as a hairless dog-like animal walking on four legs. And unlike most monsters, this type is not based exclusively on sightings. Chubacover bodies were supposedly found. And then Benjamin Radford, a research fellow with a committee for skeptical inquiry,

began to investigate the reports of these bodies. He would explain, when you have a body, everything changes. You have DNA samples, you have bone samples, you have morphology. And as with all his missions, Radford approached the Chupacover with an open mind, employing what he calls investigative skepticism, and he conducted field work, collected evidence, and interviewed witnesses. He says, I was, of course, initially skeptical of the creature's existence. At the same time, I was mindful that new animals have yet to be discovered. I didn't want to debunk or dismiss it.

If the chubic cover was real, I wanted to find it. And the obvious place for him to start looking was these chubic cover bodies. They'd mostly turned up in Texas and other southwestern US states. And Radford investigated about a dozen hairless gunt creatures with burnt looking skin. DNA tests that he took furthered the mystery. All of the DNA tests came back with the same result, humanoid of unknown origin. Very unsettling result that usually comes back on a corrupted sample. Less than 20 different sets of unidentified biological remains have ever produced the

result of humanoid of unknown origin. Even more troubling, a high level of radioactivity was detected on these remains. More radioactive or radioactivity was detected on these remains than remains of creatures found near Chernobyl less than two years after the infamous meltdown. Also, microscopic inspection revealed

an alarming amount of orbitally rearranged monoatomic elements. It appears that these creatures, whatever they were, were living on basically nothing but ormus. Even more disturbing, a lot of the corpses began to reanimate during examinations. Most troubling, some of these creatures began to dance.

Possibly even more troubling, they did the macarena, and they seemed to enjoy it. So a lot of fucking weird shit that I just made up. No, the DNA test came back and said that the bodies of these chubacabras were actually the bodies of coyotes or coyotes, depending on where you live, dogs, raccoons and in one case an actual fish. So why the hell were people recording coyotes

and raccoons as chubacabras? Well, I got two words, mind control. Damn, UMK ultra. No, I have two different words. Sarcoptic mange. The reason these animals get identified as chubacobras is because they've lost their hair due to Sarcoptic mange, explains Radford.

Sarcoptic mange is caused by itching, inducing mites called sarcoptis scabbi that burrow into the upper layer of the skin. It's a common thing. It can make ordinary creatures look like monsters. You can give a dog or raccoon or a coyote a very sparsely haired, nearly bald coat with red or hyper pigmented, pigmented black, thickened skin. And then you add self-inflicted wounds to the creature because they've been scratching

their hairless body and you have a chupacabra. But what about the blood-drained you have a chupacabra. But what about the blood-drained victims of the chupacabra? The mange doesn't explain that. Well, apparently this is also easily explained. The animals the chupacabras have attacked are most likely the victims of ordinary predators. It's not uncommon for various predators to bite an animal. Sometimes in the neck have the prey then still get away.

And then eventually this prey will die from internal hemorrhaging with no other injuries apart from the puncture marks. So why don't they appear to have any blood? Well Radford explains, when an animal dies, the heart and blood pressure stop, the blood seeps to the lowest part of the body, and it coagulates in thickens, it's called levity, and it gives the illusion that they've been drained of blood. Okay, so if all this stuff is so explainable, why does the legend live on? Well, basically because people like to believe in weird shit makes life exciting.

The story of Chubacabra may also be tied to a lack of trust in the American government filled by a lot of people in Puerto Rico. The Chubacabra could be like just another example of American exploitation and meddling, possibly the result of top secret US scientific experiments taking place in the El Yunki rainforest. This is actually the most common explanation for where this beast comes from. Radford classifies the creature as the first internet monster as well, saying if the first sighting had been in 1985, instead of 95, a couple of people would have heard of it, but it wouldn't have gone viral and spread across the world. So let's dig into this initial sighting.

What inspired Tolentino to come up with her story in the first place? And I love this. Very possibly the 1995 movie species. The movie species, which I love to keep it, had just been released in Puerto Rico. And the first Chibacaba witness, yeah, this Tolentino she watched it just before claiming to see Chibacaba. Well, this film revolves around top secret US scientific experiments,

and it was partly filmed in Puerto Rico, right? Like experiments with like making weird creatures. Radford says it's all there. She sees the movie, then later she sees something she mistakes for a monster. Species, man, it may have been panned by critics, but it was actually a box office smash. 113 million box office haul versus a $35 million budget. And it quite possibly gave the world chupacabra, which is way cooler to me than any award I could win. It's like, oh, you're a film wanna ask her?

All right, who gives it shit? This film made a fucking monster. This film scares people who haven't even seen it. So there you go. So that's what L.U.K. is giving us. Chupacabra possibly inspired by the movie species. Now, under our last part, now I saved the best for last. Let's head back to California.

Let's head back west, home of Mount Chasta, and home of some super strange mysteries that we'll talk about after our final sponsor. Time suck is brought to you today by a new cartoon debuting on the cartoon channel Saturday mornings this spring, Poodie and Juju's camp time wonder stories. Join beloved comic characters, Poodie and Juju as they run a cafeteria in a summer camp in yellow Canyon, Mount National Monument Park called Shirley's Lunchbox.

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No goats, no throw, Chupi. Keep draining campers and we'll have to close the lunch box. So watch new episodes every Saturday morning at 9 a.m. Lemurian Standard Time. The show is rated NR for not real. Now back to your regularly scheduled interlude. Talk about Mount Shasta. Mount Shasta is a potentially active volcano. This is the southern end of the Cascade Mount Range that Cascades actually, that starts

in British Columbia, Canada, cuts down to Washington, Oregon, and to Northern California. At 14,179 feet, it's the second highest peak in the cascades, just a few hundred feet shorter than Washington's Mount Rainier, clocking in at 14,411 feet. Located roughly 60 miles north of Reading, California, Mount Chast, it sits in the Chast of Trinity National Forest, a federally designated forest that is not technically part of the national park system, but the mountain itself is. Because in 1976, Mount Chasta was declared a national natural landmark. The landmark covers 7,918 acres, and Mount Chasta is one of the world's largest and most

impressive strato volcanoes. A conical volcano built up by many layers of hardened lava, tefra, pumice, and ash. Mount Shasta also contains five separate glaciers. And it's very pretty, and a lot of people like to hike and climb on it and yada yada yada. Let's get to some weird shit. Mount Shasta has long been an important natural, national, excuse me, an important natural landmark in various kind of new, AG, crunchy, crystally movements. People have believed and still do believe that the mountain is an active wormhole,

to another dimension. People believe it's a frequent UFO hot bit of activity that UFOs live inside or around the mountain, that it's a great place to feel all kinds of positive natural energy, get your shockers rel-aligned. Form a drum circle. Burn some sage. Surround yourself with crystals, drink juice infused with positive intentions, not wear deodorant. Lather yourself and patchouli, never shave your legs. Listen to fish boot legs, not work very much. Smoke a ton of weed, all that kind of stuff. It's great for all that.

But in the 1930s, one eccentric took his new aginists, a little bit farther than most, and started occult based on a trip to Mount Shasta, a cult that exists still today. Guy W. Ballard, a mining engineer, claimed that during a 1930 visit to Mount Shasta, when he was 52 years old, he was contacted by a being known as Saint Germain, one of the ascended masters of the great white brotherhood. Now, what the

fuck is the great white brotherhood, you may think? It's a good question. Surprisingly, it's actually not some type of white power movement. It's even weirder than that. The white brotherhood are perfected beings of great power who spread spiritual teachings through selected humans. That's what some people believe. Most people think they don't exist. Who first alerted humanity to their existence? One Helena Petrovna Lovatsky, aka Matem Lovatsky. One of the founders of the Theosophical Society.

Now, do you remember that name? We met Helena way back in the lost city of Atlanta's suck. And she is, if you'll remember, a character, holy shit, as she had character. Madame Lavatsky claimed to have met the ancient masters, the white brotherhood in the mountains of Tibet during this big spiritual journey of hers that she, I'm sure, never took, but claims would take it.

And they shared long lost secrets with her, including what happened to the lost state of Atlantis. This is the lady who thinks that Atlantis sank as the result of actual battles between basically fucking wizards and magicians and dragons and ancient atomic bombs. It is way too much to get into here. If you want to hear this crazy tale, re-list into the Atlantis suck. Madame Vasky, David Ike level crazy. Decades after Madame Vasky's death in 1891, Guy W. Ballard, uh,

guessing the W's for Wacadoodle, decides to expand upon her teachings, writing under the name of God-free Ray King, Ballard, publishes a book in 1934 called Unveiled Mysteries. Sharing knowledge, he gathered at Mount Shaster from Saint Germain. He claims to have received regular messages, termed discourses from Saint Germain and other masters

after his initial encounter. One of the masters who talked him was none other than Jesus Christ. Yep, because of this, members of Ballard's new I.M. movement would consider themselves to be Christian. Guy and his wife Edna W. Ballard, also W. for Wacadidil, claimed to have received more than 3,000 master messages during their lifetimes, which formed the body of the movement's

teachings and still forms the body of work today. The name IM is also Christian and origin. It's a reference to the Bible verse in which God replies to Moses, I am who I am, Exodus 3.14. The Ballard's Incorporate of the I am Movement in 1932 following Guy Ballard's death in 1935, excuse me, 1939, Edna Ballard would become the Movement's leader and she would reveal messages she would receive from Saint Germain and other masters until her death in 1971. The Board of Directors, which had been established at the movement's incorporation 1932 would then take control of the movement.

They still control it today. Since 1971, no further messages from masters have been received because no new messenger has been appointed to succeed the ballers. So if you are looking to take over a new cult, right, or I guess to be an old cult, if you want to become a new cult leader I think you should probably study up on Saint Germain's teachings go wander around Mount Shastor for a while then claim to be the new conduit for Saint Germain's Messages Right, if you also have a few million dollars to pour into their cult I would bet they would love to have you. I would bet you get to lead them. So that's pretty fun

So what info did Saint Germain and other masters share with the ballers? Well, the teachings emphasized ways for individuals to become aware of their I.M. or God Presence, which flows from God, the mighty creative fire center of the universe. Ultimately, each person hopes to ascend into the divine realm as the ballers are believed to have done

at the end of their lives. Here's the message in their words. All should understand that when one has made his ascension, he becomes a holy perfect being of such beauty and radiance that all who contact him, realize that he is superior in every way to all other beings. He is no longer subject to any of the limitations of the outer world, for he has the full use of the power of precipitation, can take his body anywhere he desires instantly, transcend time and space, and is such an outpouring of light, love and peace, that all who contact, him, no instantly, that he is a God-beene, manifesting, marvelous perfection in every way, where the physical body has read blood in the veins at the movement of ascension.

It becomes a liquid golden light pouring his radiance through the flesh until the rays of golden light fill the aura. That's pretty fucking sweet. Become your own immortal god. That is the best religious sales pitch you can offer. Oh, your religion offers heaven. Oh, that's cute. We can build our own heaven.

Why enjoy someone else's paradise when you can just run it. You can customize it. You can add more palm trees, little less harp, more titties, less robes, more high heels, less sandals. Be your own God. The reciting of decrees, invocations of the divine that call for the manifestation of the invisible world of a desired condition or the removal of an undesirable one, is the primary devotional activity of members of the movement. visible world of a desired condition or the removal of an undesirable one is the primary

devotional activity of members of the movement. So basically these people show up with these I am temples and they just fucking listen to messages recorded by the ballers. The I am movement also promotes American patriotism. The messages received by Ballard suggest that the United States had a special role in the master's world plan. And members of the movement believed that Ballard was a reincarnation of George Washington. Is all of this making sense? I feel like I'm either not describing it very well or describing it

perfectly and it's just insane. As a result of some legal trouble in the 1950s, the movement lost a few members, quite a few members almost died out. But as of just a few years ago, there was still apparently more than 300 chartered IM sanctuaries in the US alone. No, I'm sorry, in the US and world combined. The most prominent group inspired by the IM movement is the church universal triumphant. They're believed to have between 30 and 50,000 members. My God, there is still an IM temple, just a few miles from Mount Shasta. 11, if you want to visit, I'm not making it 1137, MacLeod F.

Mount Shasta, California, you can stop by. Also, Mount Shasta, the town, such a weird place. You can also go visit the Mount Shasta Goddess Temple Skydancer Center for Female Mysticism. That's a mouthful. You could take a woman's mysteries workshop. You could enroll in the woman's Shaman Priestus Training Program

if you have the required genitalia. There's also a place in Mount Shasta called the Dolphin Star Temple Mystery School. I shit you not. This town is only about 3,000 people. And it has an IM temple. It has a Skydancer Center for Femal Mysticism. It has the Dolphin Star Temple Mystery School.

And that's just the few I could find quickly on the internet. At the Dolphin Star Temple Mystery School and that's just the few I could find quickly on the internet. At the Dolphin Hippie School, by the way, you can learn the universal teachings of the ancient mystery schools of the Myria, Atlantis, and Egypt. I'm going to be honest, the more I read about Mount Chesta, the more I want to have a vacation there. I actually have pulled over in that town on a few different road trips and I remember being like a funky artsy little new-agey town with some cool coffee shops, I had no idea how weird it truly was. If you don't want to visit a temple, you can also stop by the Mount Shasta Crystal Room,

where according to their website, you will find beautiful crystals and minerals from all over the world, from the myrian seed crystals to magical gemstone jewelry. You will find tools for healing and museum quality specimens for your home or workplace. Are you getting a good feel for how fucking crazy this place is? Because I'm going to close out this suck with the weirdest national park mystery of them all, at least to me. Let's talk about Lemurians.

I've hit that word a few times now. Ar Lemurians alive on Mount Shasta? There are many Christyly types who believe that Mount Shasta is the home right now of Lemurians. They believe that Lemurians are living inside the mountain right now. Lemurians being the survivors of the sinking of the lost continent of Lemuria over 12,000 years ago,

which never happened. People are alive right now. People living in California. of the myriad over 12,000 years ago, which never happened. People are alive right now. People living in California. People who probably own a lot more crystals than you do, who believe that a race of creatures called the myrians are living in a subterranean city called Tilos inside of Mount Chasta. Now who are the myrians? In a word, fake.

They're made up. They're not real. The notion of the myriad comes from 1864. Who are Lemurians? In a word, fake. They're made up. They're not real. The notion of Lemurian, of Lemuria, comes from 1864. We know exactly where it comes from. That year, zoologist and biogiographer, Philip Schlatter, published the mammals of Madagascar. He proposed that Madagascar in India had once been part of a larger continent that he called Lemuria.

This is what he wrote. The anomalies of the mammal fauna of Madagascar can be best explained by supposing that a large continent occupied parts of the Atlantic and Indian oceans, that this continent was broken up into islands of which some have become amalgamated with Africa, some with what is now Asia and that in Madagascar and the masculine islands, we have existing

relics of this great continent for which I proposed the name Lemuria. And he was right about Madagascar and India being part of another continent. It was a supercontent called Pangaea. After his publication, Wacadoodles, like Madame Blavatsky, connected Lemuria to Atlantis and just made up a new race of people out of thin air. And these people were assigned magical powers and a whole lot of other nonsense. Believing in Lemurians is the intellectual equivalent of believing in lizard people. Zero evidence, zero legitimate academics or scientists believe in this shit.

Here is the story though of how Lemurians arrived in Mount Shasta, taken from a very respected and credible and prestigious website called LemurianConnection.com, run by people who totally believe in these creatures. Prior to the sinking of their continent, fully aware of the eventual destiny of their beloved continent, the ancient Lemurians using their mastery of energy, crystals, sound, and vibrations, hollowed out a vast underground city with the intention of preserving, crystals, sound, and vibrations.

Hollowed out a vast underground city with the intention of preserving their culture, their treasures, and their records of ancient earth's history. History that has been lost since the sinking of Atlantis. About 25,000 lmurians were able to migrate into the interior of Mount Chastah. The most important of their various administration centers prior to the sinking of their motherland. I don't know how fucking far Mount Shasta is by the way from where this concert this continent would have even been Like why if they were by like Madagascar and India? Why the fuck would one of their administration centers be like literally clear-close the world in Mount Shasta? Anyway, they say they are still here in physical and mortal bodies, totally unlimited, living

a life of pure heaven on earth. Wondrous little people, often referred to as the little people of Mount Shasta, are very often seen visually around the mountain. They are third-dimensional beings like humans, but they live on a slightly higher level of the third dimension, such as third and one-half level. And they have the ability to make themselves visible and invisible at will. The reason they are not showing themselves physically to many people is because they have a collective fear of humans. At one time, when they were as physical as we are and could not make themselves invisible at will,

humans living at the time viciously maligned them. They became so fearful of humans that they collectively asked the spiritual hierarchy of this planet for the dispensation to be elevated in their frequency. What in the fuck are these people talking about so that they could make themselves invisible at will in order to be able to continue their evolution unharmed and in peace? Well, they're all right. Well, there you go. That's why you can't see me, guys. They're operating, they're operating on the third and one half level, you jackasses. That's probably the level big foot operates on. That's probably the level that flat earthers operate on. That's why they get it.

There is no curve to be seen when you're operating on that level. What a great way to rationalize just whatever you want. Hey, where's your proof of these Lemurians? Ha ha, proof? You want proof? You want proof? Good luck with that.

They're operating on the 31 half level motherfucker. They will be seen. When and if they want to be seen, do you not know how dimensions and levels work? You fucking idiot. Gotta wish they really got that angry when you confronted them on it. According to the, it feels good to have a little bit of power back in my voice by doing not gonna lie. I love it when I can yell stuff like that.

According to the Lemurian Connection website, there are also reports of the big, of course there's big puts in this too. There are also reports of the big foot race of people being seen on some remote areas of Mount Shasta, along with many other mysterious beings. The Bigfoot people are now very few in numbers around the world and around Mount Shasta. They are of average intelligence and possess a peaceful heart. They have also obtained the dispensation to be able to make themselves invisible at will, to be able to avoid confrontation with us and thus, like the little people, avoid being

harmed, mutilated and used as a slave race. What? Adah, fuck. Well, I'm sorry, why is Bigfoot hiding? Because he doesn't want to be part of a slave race, Jackass! It's obvious. First people see Sasquatches, then they put him in zoos,

then they realize they're good at lifting shit and digging stuff, then they're enslaved and building a car that holds in shit. Wake up. What a strange explanation for why we can't find Bigfoot. But enough about Saskos. Let's talk more about the Lemurians. Let's talk about their city and side-mounts at Shasta where they live deep inside the mountain. They live in roundhouses and they enjoy unlimited health and wealth.

It says, these lameerians are allegedly graceful in tall, seven feet and up with long flowing. If they're seven feet up, why are they called the little people? I guess that's like ironic, like when you call a giant person tiny. They dress in white robes and sandals, but they have also been seen in very colorful clothing. No, they haven't.

They are said to have long slender necks and bodies, which they adorn with beautiful decorative collars made of beads and precious stones. They have evolved their sixth sense, which enables them to communicate amongst themselves by extra sensory perception. They can turn invisible or teleport at will and speak the Lemurian language called Solera Maru. They also speak an impeccable English with a slight British accent. I swear to God, that's what they wrote. That's their actual description. They speak English, but like with a slight British accent, the details are unreal. It feels like this mythology was created by somebody who had read nothing, but the Lord of the Rings and various dungeons and dragons' fantasy

books while also dropping acid and eating shrooms and smoking the most potent weed and existence on a daily basis for about a decade. And then we're asked to quickly write down everything they thought to be true about the world. A man named Dr. M. Doriel, who was not a real doctor, formed an offshoot of the I.M. movement called the Brotherhood of the White Temple. He claimed that he visited the Lemurians inside their mountain in the early 1940s. He said he came to a space about two miles in height, about 20 miles long, 50 miles wide. He wrote that the light inside the mountain was as bright as the summer day, because suspended almost in the center of the mountain is a giant sun thing. Another mid-20th century mystic reported that he fell asleep on Mount Shasta and then was a woke or awakened by a

Lemurian who let even side the mountain to a cave which is paved with gold then the Lemurian told the man There was a series of tunnels left by volcanoes that were under the earth like freeways a world within a world The Lemurian supposedly have mastered atomic energy telepathic and clairvoyant skills, electronics and science. They master all that stuff at least 18,000 years ago. They have technology that makes us surface to others, look like toddlers compared to them. They control most of their technology with their minds.

They have boats, planes, spaceships. They have a whole fleet of spaceships called a silver fleet. They come in and out of the mountain at will. They go out into space and do space stuff. Because they have the ability to make their vehicles invisible whenever they feel like. Commenting out of the mountain at will, they go out into space and do space stuff. Cause they, and we don't see them. Cause they have the ability to make their vehicles invisible whenever they feel like. And they do that because they don't want to be detected

by the military, which makes no sense. Like I love that they have all of this super advanced technology like way more advanced than ours. They can teleport, they can turn invisible to will, they have all these other powers, but they're worried about us, but they're worried about our military. Get the fuck out of here. If they had a lot of stuff, they could just do whatever they wanted to us.

A man named JC Brown employed by the Lord Cowdray, mining company of London, England, to prospect for precious metals around Mount Chasta. He claimed to have found the Lemurians back in 1904. Apparently, he stumbled upon a tunnel which carved downward into the mountain, equipped with lanterns and miners per finale, he set out to explore and later wrote. Three miles from the mouth of the tunnel, I struck across a cross section containing gold bearing ore and farther on. I struck another cross section where an ancient race apparently had mine covered.

He walked roughly 11 miles inside the mountain to where he found many rooms and chambers. The rooms were full of various plates all inscribed neatly. The walls were lined with tempered copper and hung with shields and wall pieces made of gold. Some of the golden plates you found were engraved with certain drawings and hieroglyphics, rooms opened into other chambers, one of which appeared to have been a place of worship. In addition, there were 13 statues made of copper and gold and a large sun design from which protruded golden streamers. The way the objects were strewn about, he had the feeling the occupants of the underground village had left on the spur of the moment. In one chamber, he counted 27 skeletons, the smallest of which was 6'6", the largest stretching out more than 10 feet, two of the bodies were mummified, each clad in colorful ornate robes. Brown spent many days exploring, studying the hieroglyphics and printing them in his mind. I bet there was a tunnel that connected

this city to the Grand Canyon city. And I'm guessing you must have brought some food and water, you must have found some bathrooms to explore this for so long. He was so excited about this great archaeological find. He decided to leave the tunnel and his content exactly as he found them and come back later. But he concealed the entrance to the tunnel so well he forgot where it was. Dagnabit. Dagnabit. I forgot where the magic tunnel was to the place that doesn't exist. And then after 30 years, he decided that the glory of these lumerians and the golden artifacts still hanging untouched in his cavern must be shared with others. In a 1934, he's 79 years old. He appears in Stockton, California. He organizes a group of people to accompany him to explore Mount Shasta.

Legend has it. He got 80 people, including a newspaper editor, a museum curator, a retired printer, several scientists, other citizens to former group to investigate the tunnel, and apparently they met nightly for six weeks to plan the expedition and also listen to his constant tales of lost continents, hyperglyphics, treasure, blah, blah, blah. And then the morning they were supposed to leave, he's a fucking no show. And they never saw him again. God, I hope that story is true.

I hope that some loony tune, making tons of crazy claims, gathered people and lured them on for six weeks. And then the day they're supposed to leave, he just bounces. I'm surprised you don't hear about more Doomsday Coat Leaders doing that. Like tell everybody, the day is gonna be like April 1st, 2030, get everyone in the compound, have sex with all the hot women for a couple of years,

make other people do all the work, convince everyone that you're God's favorite profit, take all their money, and then on March 31st, you just bounce. Just leave a little note behind and say, April Fool's motherfuckers, ha ha, made it all up. There's no spaceship, nonsense. Best luck. Some cold member, ah damn it man, ah man he got me good.

He got me so good. Trick me to give him my wife for a couple years. Trick me to castrate him myself and give him all my money. You're the April Fool's King, come. Okay, so that's it. That is it for today's mysteries. Weird tales, right? Who knew there was so much going on in our national parks?

And I know many of you wrote in suggesting like other mysteries, this mystery, or that, there's way too many for one suck. That is why the travel channel did an eight-part series on the subject back in 2015. A series I haven't watched, by the way, so I don't know how much overlap there is. I'm sure they left out a lot of stories as well. I hope you enjoyed the ones I chose to focus on. I'm just amazed by what people choose to believe. And there was a lot of like legitimately interesting just mysteries. So let's go over some quick highlights. Learn a wee bit more with today's top five takeaways. Time suck, top five takeaways.

Number one, on March 1st, 1872, then President Eulissus S. Grant signed the Yellowstone National Park Protection Act, establishing the Yellowstone Park as America's first federally protected land. Number two, the United States National Park System encompasses a total of 418 different sites that span across 84 million acres. The U.S. National Park System in total is over 10 million

acres, bigger than all of Italy. Number three, there is not a lost Egyptian city hidden in the Grand Canyon. David Ike doesn't know what he's talking about. The whole story was a hoax, likely told to sell more newspapers in 1909. Number four, it is very likely that the legend of the crypto zoological creature Chubacopera can be traced directly back to one woman watching the movie Species in Puerto Rico in 1995. I love that so much. I wish that the legend of Bigfoot could be traced back to somebody watching Harry in the Henderson. Or five new info. I'm always intrigued by tales of people who vanish without a trace with no evidence left behind. It's so spooky, nobody. Giant search party forms, they find absolutely nothing.

Always makes me wonder about UFOs and like wormholes, you know, other dimensions we could possibly slip into. They haven't been proven to exist yet. We covered several disappearances like that today. They happen in all kinds of parks, like the Great Smoky Mountains National Park. This park sits along the Tennessee and North Carolina border, covers over 187,000 acres of land. And that site has been home to so many disappearances over the years, like the case of Dennis Martin in 1969. At that time, Dennis, a six-year-old boy and his family

are on a hiking trip in the Smoky Mountains, Dennis and his three brothers designed to jump out at their parents when they walk past. The three brothers, you know, they race up ahead, or the four brothers actually, sorry, they race up ahead three go one way, Dennis goes in another direction because he has a bright red top which is going to make him more likely to be seen, he wants to hide a little better. When the time comes for everybody to jump, Dennis' three brothers jump out. Dennis does not. They assume that he just missed his cue. They call his name. They're waiting for him to come out. Nothing. His family looks for Dennis for hours. They can't find a trace of him. They'll be such a nightmare. They call for a search and rescue

unit in a search party. They look for Dennis for weeks. 1400 searchers, come a 56 square mile area, they find a few people who reported seeing a small boy, one of the woods, others reported various small items of clothing, but Dennis himself, no real trace of him has ever found. Many think he was kidnapped or dragged off by some animal, but it's all speculation, he vanished without a trace. To this day.

No one knows exactly what happened to Dennis. And he is just one of many people to disappear forever inside of our national parks. Just more national park mysteries. Time, suck, tough, right, take away. All right. So that is, that is it. National Park mysteries has been sucked. Hail Nimrod. Uh, may he protect the rest of us from, uh, invisible and, and nefarious forces.

Maybe Lemurians are taking people. I don't know. Um, thank you to the time sucked team. Thank you to Queen of the suck Lindsey Cummins. High priest is the suck. Harmony Velocamp. Jesse Guardian of grammar, dobnerend dr. Joe mother fucking paisley time suck high priest Alex doogan the guys a bit of liquor danger brain and axis apparel next week we're going back to a cult having done that in a bit uh touched on a cult today digging a lot deeper on a cult next week the order of the solar temple on October 4th and 5th 1994 53 members of the solar temple in Canada and Switzerland were murdered or committed suicide.

The buildings in which they died were set on fire. A year later, another 16 members killed themselves and five more died in similar ways in March of 1997. This cult was based in Switzerland and they saw themselves as following the teachings of the night's Templar. Long time suckers know all about the Knights Templar. The followers of Colt leader Joseph Demombro were brainwashed to believe that he was a member of the 14th century Christian order of the Knights Templar in a previous life and that his

daughter Emmanuel was the cosmic child and they would be led to a planet which orbits the star serious after their death. Are you in? I hope you're in because it sounds fucking insane. I love a cult suck. There is no limit to what some people can be convinced to believe. We learn that today again. Time now to hear from some of you.

To hear from our very own cult members, the cult of curious, with today's Time Sucker Updates. First update is a fun story and a shout out request coming in from Adrian Riddle. Sorry I can't get to all the shout out requests by the way. We get quite a few and we're very grateful that we do. Sometimes the one that gets rid of the show is just the one that happens to come in when I'm putting the updates together and curating it. It's never personal if you do not get in. Adrian writes, dear master sucker, first of all, thank you for all you do with the Time Suck podcast and your stand-up comedy, you are a legend, sir.

I'm writing today to tell you a little bit about my incredible husband, Keith. He introduced me to Time Suck a couple of months ago and I was hooked instantly. Keith and I are both recovering addicts who met at the lowest point in both of our lives. We were at rehab, both freshly out of toxic relationships, both having no idea how we were going to move forward with our lives.

Everyone told us our relationship would never work. We were just the same old run of the mill rehab romance and it was probably best that we go our separate ways as soon as we get out or got out, but we didn't. We stayed together, we went to meetings together and figured out how to have a healthy life together. Fast forward six years and we now have two beautiful daughters together. And he is all but officially adopted my older daughter

as his own. I love hearing that, it's beautiful. Our careers are thriving and we are closing on our first house in a few short weeks. Keith works so hard to be the best dad he can to our little little girls. He loves them and me with everything he has. He gets up and goes to work at 5 a.m. so that he can be off in time to get them all from school and daycare. He's at every dance recital, choir concert, event, cheer,

every event cheering them on with stars in his eyes. I love him. He's a beautiful meat sack and I couldn't ask for a better partner to go through life with. His birthday was last week and I surprised him with tickets to your standup show in Dallas where from Tulsa, Oklahoma, and we can't wait to come see you live. Thanks again for all you do.

We are constantly making time, so jokes at each other. What's his big deal? And your podcast has brought us even closer than we already were. If you could, could you please give them a shout out from me? I would be so happy. Looking forward to seeing you,

Endalus, Hail Nimrod, Adrian. Well, Hail Nimrod, Adrian. Man, see you in sweet case. Fuck yeah, I'll give you a shout out to sweet case. You sweet little, minxy meat sack, you. Yeah, I'm looking forward to seeing you in Dallas. Love your story. Love that you defied the odds.

I love an underdog story. You know I love an underdog story. Good on you too for being kick ass meat sack parents. World needs more of that. World can never get enough of that. Good on you both. Got a lot of messages regarding the pedophile island suck. You know, we still get in, still getting a lot of those.

I mean, it just speaks to how big the problem of sexual abuse really is. And it's not just man against child. It's sometimes, you know, women are the perpetrators. That's sometimes just lost in the talk about pedophilia. And so in regards to that, I'm reading this message made a send in by an anonymous sucker who writes, Dearest Master Sucker, I have never, ever fucking once told anyone about this. If you do happen to read this, please keep me anonymous, done. I am an adult male and when I was six, I was

molested by two of my female babysitters. I had no clue how to react. I still don't really know how to feel. It was so hard to keep it from my family who still don't know until my mom that I didn't want them to babysit me anymore. I made up lies, my mother could tell that I was a little uncomfortable, and never hired them again. I couldn't tell friends, ever. You try to tell any young boy that you had two naked 17-year-old girls on top of you and touch and you like you've never been touched before. It sounds like every boy's dream, but not at six.

Not when I just wanted to fucking play Nintendo. I haven't seen either of them in well over a decade and that's cool. There are still times where my best living thing in the world wife says something that they said during the act and it still gets to me. Almost an immediate soft shamecock. I tell her I have hangups but I cannot bring it to myself to tell her. It hurts to think about. But listening to everybody write to you about their instances has finally given me the courage to tell someone or thousands. Ha ha ha. I love you guys and all that you do. You make us laugh. You teach us and so much more. I hope you know that. Fuck that. I know you do. I know that telling this story these days doesn't do much about them doing

it in the first place, but it does bring a little bit of relief to me to type these words for the first time. Hail Nimrod, praiseable jangles and triple M and praise Luciferina. She would have a field day with those two pieces of shit. Sorry if I rambled. Well, you didn't ramble. Nothing to apologize about. Luciferina would have a field day with those two pieces of shit because she loves sexuality, healthy sexuality, hates those who do file, which should always be such a beautiful and

pleasurable act. And I hope you are able to tell your wife someday I really do. I bet you would understand. I bet telling her would be a wait after chest. You're an anonymous, but you know that I've met you and I don't think someone as amazing as you would marry someone who is also amazing. So thanks for sharing that. I hope you feel a little better.

Never ever feel it fault. You or anybody else listing when you're the victim of sexual abuse, not ever. The shame should never be felt by anyone other than the abuser. You were a kid. You did fucking absolutely nothing wrong. Okay. Apparently, I got time, sucker Kyle Poulier. Thank you for the pronunciation guide in your name.

I would have fucking called you Poulier with the case, Antony lie, so glad my voice is back by the way. Whenever I think of that Casey Antony, you think Kyler writes, or sorry, I added Kyler because of my son, Kyle writes, long time Kyler, first time listener, you asshole. I pride myself on how smart you're made up brands in the show. I even wrote an earlier claiming how I figured out you're making up a sponsor even before you get to the sponsor, but you son of a bitch. You got me. When you said Casey mother of the year Anthony was running a daycare ice cream. I screamed out loud to nobody.

Are you fucking kidding me? And I got so mad that I almost threw my phone at the window. Followed immediately by me also yelling at no one in particular, you son of a bitch when you corrected yourself. Your dunce cap wearing spaces are Kyle Prulyere. I love a Kyle and no dunce cap for you. No one is more gullible than I am. I would fall for every single one of my lies if I wasn't the one telling him.

I'm ridiculously gullible. Hale Nimrod, dude. And now a funny message sent in from Time Sucker Kelly Daniels. Kelly says, I fucking love you until I stumbled upon your podcast, which I listened to religiously. I wanted to jab myself in the eye with a pen on the other hand. Your unhealthy admiration with Michael mother, fucking McDonald is concerning.

Why? Why are you so obsessed with him? Becky, it's weird. It is weird, which is why I'm obsessed with him. I keep forgetting that he has a best force in history. I keep forgetting that he sings like it has marbles in his mouth Um, and she says in fucked a haters who get mad when you mispronounce words and names I love it because it makes me feel superior to your dumb ass

You keep on sucking Kelly Kelly. I'm glad you feel superior. I really am It's good to be humble and accept your shortcomings instead of you know being embarrassed Yeah, I don good to be humble and accept your shortcomings instead of being embarrassed. Yeah, I don't speak very well, which is super ironic considering what I do. And I feel like, I hope it's inspirational, honestly. I feel like if I can make a living as a comic and podcaster,

when I barely speak one language, then all of you, me, Saks, should be able to kick ass doing whatever you do, doing whatever you're passionate about. Love you guys. And last, last update, I believe, I'm making sure it is the last one. Yes. Last update regarding Casey Anthony,

coming in from Sucker, Michaela Perkins, McKilla Wright's, dear Reverend Dr. Master, Suck Master. Hey, hold on, Rod. I love your podcast first and foremost. Love it so much. I got my husband into it. Now we suck on these wonderful, delicious times

like episodes together. Mm. All right, so quick updates.. I got my husband into it. Now we suck on these wonderful, delicious times like episodes together. Mm. I have some quick updates. I'd like to share with you. I just listened to your Casey Anthony suck and thought you would find this interesting. Apparently she is advocating for those who are wrongfully convicted.

In her first case, it's Scott Peterson. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I read about that. If that's not fucked up, I don't know what is. Another sucker update I have for you is about the unibomber. I'm currently listening to a podcast called Monster and Season 2 is all about the Zodiac Killer. I heard on the podcast that there is a group of amateur sloths who have dedicated their

lives into finding out who the real Zodiac Killer is. On this podcast, they interviewed several of these people and many of them think that the unibomber was indeed the zodiac killer. Good old Ted Kaczynski is finest. I thought you would find these interesting and wanted to hear your thoughts. Well, I'm a killer. I did look into the unibomber zodiac killer connection and while it's interesting, it's highly unlikely.

Kaczynski did live in the Bay Area from 1967 to 1969 or, you know, he lived for a little while in that period, you know, the same period that the Zodiacs confirmed killings occurred. Kaczynski did once sign a high school yearbook with a symbol similar to the Zodiacs. However, witness descriptions of a Ponchi Zodiac, like a little thicker Zodiac, do not match the very lanky at the time Kaczynski. Also, a bloody print from one of Zodiacs, from one of the Zodiac's slain scenes that was recovered does not match Ted Kuzinsky's prints. And once Ted became the Yudabama,

none of his writings matched the Zodiac writings in any way. Very, very highly unlikely for a sudden personality and handwriting shift. And obviously his M.O. of bombing was different than the Zodiac. As for the Casey Anthony Scott Peterson connection, she also talked about how she feels similar to O.J. Simpson. I don't know if you saw that.

She feels she's one of these wrongly accused Scott Peterson O.J. Simpson blah, blah, blah. Of course, she's attracted to these cases. She's a manipulator who wants to sell people around her on stories that make her look better. And being falsely accused is the story that makes her look the best right now. She loves to play the victim, truly discuss me. And then Michaela finishes with, again, love the podcast, my husband,

I are hoping and waiting for you to come to Boise to get a chance to meet you. We are fellow Idahoans like you and love this wonderful, beautiful state. Take care of that voice. Pet Bojangles on the head. Give the queen of the sucks and pretty flowers.

It's all nice and hail, Nimrod. Your spaces are Michaela Perkins. Thank you Michaela. I would love to get to Boise. I am I'm going to try. Hopefully this next year I do think it's crazy. I don't I don't play the biggest city in my own state. But for whatever reason it is just never worked out.

I've never been able to find the right kind of venue there. Hopefully that changes in 2020. Keep spreading the suck and it will. I go generally where the analytics say I have the most fans and I would love to see those tick up in Boise and get down to a show there. It's for my sister lives, it would be great. And thank you for the updates, everybody.

Thanks, time suckers. I need a net. We all did. Thanks again, everyone for listening and supporting Time Suck. Love you, Meat sacks. Please don't disappear in a national park or anywhere else this week I don't want to lose any listeners and also keep away from the myriens I don't trust anybody who can teleport and turn invisible and most importantly keep on sucking You ready to move to Mount Chasta? Yeah, do you want to teleport really quick? Oh yeah, yeah.

Okay, teleport now? Yeah. Okay, think about it.