Timesuck with Dan Cummins - 183 - Baba Yaga: OG Witch

Starting point is 00:00:00 We've covered more than a few legends, myths, and fables on time sucks so far. After digging into topics previously like Norse mythology and the Greek gods and the legend of King Arthur, to the brothers Grimm and more, we've learned that supernatural tales of human history are woven into the beliefs and cultures of every distinct group of peoples on earth. On today's episode, we return again to Russia. But this time, not to explore the life in terrible times of a serial killer or even worse, a mass murderous dictator. This time we investigate our second Slavic mythical creature, Baba Yaga. The first Slavic creature we sucked was way back in December of 2016, crampus, the Christmas devil. So who is Baba Yaga? She's one of the best known legends of Slavic folklore. She's a supernatural figure who is one of the major sources of what we think of as the stereotypical witch today,

Starting point is 00:00:44 an ugly old, mean, scary manipulator of magic and evil. Bobby Yaga has also said to roam the countryside in one of the strangest mobile homes you've ever imagined, one with chicken feet instead of wheels. She's usually presented as a fearsome apparition but according to tales, Bobby Yaga isn't always bad. Like many gods and goddesses, she's capricious. She's moody. Her attitude depends on the moment and who she's dealing with. She's a Slavic guardian who stands between the worlds

Starting point is 00:01:10 of the living and the dead. She's a protector of nature. She also should really be avoided at all costs. While she's portrayed in a variety of ways, some good and some bad, she's mostly bad. A mostly potentially very dangerous character to run into. What makes Bobby Yaga so terrifying? According to some tales, her very appearance alone is enough to strike terror in one.

Starting point is 00:01:29 She's hideous. She's not as they say a looker. Plus not only will she very likely kill you, she'll also eat you. She seems especially fond of eating children who wander too far from home, which is, you know, very scary. Not great. Today, in addition to looking into the history of Bobby Yaga, we'll also take a gander at Slavic Russian folklore in general, we'll find out who saved Bobbiaga

Starting point is 00:01:48 from becoming lost to history under Russia's early communist rule. We'll check out a number of other characters that populate Bobbiaga's strange dark world. Whether she's a cannibalistic monster or a stern goddess of nature, Bobbiaga continues to inspire artists and storytellers across the globe today. Let's find out why.

Starting point is 00:02:05 Let's get to suck in this magic hagg. Time suck spacers have voted and they have decided to get a little extra weird and a little extra magical today on Time Suck. This is Michael McDonald and you're listening to Time Suck. You won't mistake. To talk to some. to talk something. Happy Monday, MeatStack. Step inside the cold to the curious. Only the real curious happening to this one.

Starting point is 00:02:35 This isn't the topic for someone who needs a recognizable subject. Not a topic for the casual true crime fan or major event, history, buff swinging on by. This is a deep cut. I'm Dan Cummins, a master sucker, suck nasty, poody and juju comic book anchor and you are listing to time suck. Nimrod, Lucifina, Bojangles, triple M. I hail you all. Recording in the suck dungeon again in CDA, daylight saving time, making it a field, field good over here. A little, a little sunnier like spring is just right around the corner, loving the sunshine. Pat, we have had a lot of sunny days recently. Hope you are having sunny days wherever you are. Hope you're doing well. Hope you're not too, uh, uh, scared

Starting point is 00:03:14 of all the corona talk. Got more great time, sucker updates at the end of today's show and nonpolarizing show today too. I like that this week. I know many of you do not agree with my, uh, might take on some recent episodes and that's good. I like that you don't just agree with opinions. I, uh, throw in between the facts of a story. You shouldn't question me and question everybody else. Also, I know most of you will keep listening when you don't agree. And thank you for that. I'm very lucky. Hail Nimrod. I may not always say what you want to hear, but at least I'm not just sitting here to suck in your collective dick. Same when I think you want to hear. We get enough of that in other places in life.

Starting point is 00:03:46 You can find someone else to do that. If you wanna, you know, somebody to pander. Just like most media now pander is exclusively to the left of the right. Plenty of that going around. Not me, and I wanna do it going forward either. Gonna do my best to tell the stories as truthfully as possible and make it obvious

Starting point is 00:04:00 what I'm adding my own opinions and at the end of the day, that's all they are opinions. Thanks for the continued ratings and reviews. Feels good to see those keep rolling in. Keep helping spread the suck. Thanks for spreading to your co-workers and families and friends as well. I'm always grateful and surprised. This is a tough show. I think it's spread some types, but it does spread.

Starting point is 00:04:18 I don't need to understand it. I just appreciate it. So not for the easily offended or fainting part. Hoping I had a blast in Nashville and Huntington last weekend had to record this ahead of those shows. I'm going to say I had a great time continuing to work on a lot of new tales. The toxic thoughts to her head to the punchline and Philly next weekend March 26th to 28th. Then we'll be at Hawaiian Brian's and Honolulu Hawaii Sunday April 5th. First big island show looks like a lot of people will be there to watch. So you know,

Starting point is 00:04:44 that's good. And after that secret show in Houston, Texas, Cedar and Dallas, the LaF out loud comedy club in San Antonio, the punch sun in hot Atlanta, Georgia, then it's Cobbs and San Francisco, Boston, Cleveland and more. New fun, silly tea, hit in the bad magic merch.com store today at TimeSuck logo, Pizza Tea. A pepperoni pizza suck tea. It looks delicious, and it's a very cool creative design. And speaking of cool creative designs, minor moon landing film tea, a controversy, did a week. Some other store thought that our store stole the design

Starting point is 00:05:14 and the claim is frankly, fucking absurd. Logan showed me the design we used for that tea way back before the moon landing episode. Way back with the Kildos or Suck, and I didn't want to do it then. I didn't want to have a kildos or cruise shirt. And so it was shelved, and then you brought it back out for the moon landing,

Starting point is 00:05:29 same font, same color, you know? And then someone thought we stole their design, even though there are a lot of other moon landing crew tea designs on Amazon. What people forget with designs, that there are tens of thousands of people online cranking out designs. So yeah, some times things are gonna look similar.

Starting point is 00:05:44 It's called parallel development. There's only so many fonts, only so many colors. I can't tell you how many people have written into me over the years, long before, time suck, about so and so still. My joke was stand up and then I watch and be like, nope. And I've been accused the other way. Oh, you still so and so joke.

Starting point is 00:05:58 And I'm like, who's joke? Never even heard of that person. So two different people talk about elevators or tattoos or whatever, they have similar life perspectives. They're going to write similar jokes and similar designs are going to be made. It happens. And I just want to do a dress. I want to stand up for Logan because I love that dude. And I think he's a kick ass fucking designer. And I'm very excited with the awesome job he does kicking out so much amaziness every week. So just a little appreciation, a little love for the Spicy Club.

Starting point is 00:06:26 And now let's get to our topic. If you're not a Patreon Spaceless, you're listening to the Secret Suck whose votes determine two topics a month. This topic probably just came out of nowhere for you. On the Secret Suck, we've been talking about Bobbi Yaga for a long time. She's almost one numerous topic votes

Starting point is 00:06:40 and now she's finally here. So I hope you enjoy our Spacelessers choice. If you are a Spacelessers, I hope this tail today lives up to the buildup. So let's get to suck another Russian topic. Watch this big deal, Baba Yaga's big deal. So make all Russian peanuts, so shame, Cog, let's get our chicken feet to terror.

Starting point is 00:06:58 What is Cheeketaila talking about? Let's find out. Before we dig into Yaga, we're going to first learn a bit about the Slavic folklore from whence she came. We'll go over the people who helped save Slavic folklore from extinction, and we'll go over some other colorful characters who come from the same world because they're super weird and fun to talk about. If you watch The Witcher on Netflix, or you've read those books or played those games,

Starting point is 00:07:25 you already know a lot about these creatures, some of them. The Witcher franchise draws heavily as it turns out from the world of Slavic folklore. More on that in a bit, and then the second half will dive right into oh so much yaga. So let's start by figuring out what Slavic folklore even is. In the Brother Grim suck, Brothers Grim, we learned a lot about Germanic folklore.

Starting point is 00:07:44 Now we're gonna learn about the folklore of the only ethno-linguistic group in Europe bigger than the Germanic peoples, the Slavic peoples. Present day Slavic people are classified into three main groups, east slabs, Belarusians, Russians, Ukrainians, Russans, and then there are the west slabs, Czechs, Kishubes, Silesians, Slovak's and Sorbes. Then there are the South Slavs, Cheks, Kishubes, Celestians, Slovak's and Sorbs.

Starting point is 00:08:05 Then there are the South Slavs, Bosniaks, Bulgarians, Croats, Macedonians, Montenegroons, Serbs, and Slovenes. Basically, nearly all the peoples of Eastern Europe and most of Russia share a common origin and the language comes from the same tree. So while I said this legend is Russian, the most early stories about Babayaga do come

Starting point is 00:08:25 from Russia. We're really it's Slavic and tales exist across, not just Russia, but across a variety of Slavic nations since they're all related. Today though, we will primarily focus on Russian folklore. These characters and their tales express themselves differently in different cultures. Russian fairy tales are deeply rooted in ancient Slavic mythology and they're fascinating. I think I'm a spoke second ago. The earliest tales do not necessarily come from it. They don't know exactly where the earliest tales of Baba Yaga, these other characters come from. They come

Starting point is 00:08:54 from a cross of a variety of Slavic cultures. So yeah, I just wanted to correct myself there. Yeah, these stories are fascinating. They're vibrant, riveting, poetic tales of gods and demons, heroes and witches. How Russians of centuries passed, tried to make sense of the world, how the sloths of the past, tried to make sense of the world. These stories are just as interesting and crazy and it's the tales of the Norse gods, the Greek gods from the same period of history.

Starting point is 00:09:17 Like the Greek and the Greeks and the Vikings, the pagan, Slavic religion had deities for everything, such as water and household spirits. Like the fairy tales of so many other cultures, many of these stories were for children. You know, teaching them lessons, teaching them about manners, traditions, warning against natural dangers, scaring the shit out of them. I'm sure I made some of their Slavic parents laugh, their Slavic asses off. Do you read children bedtime story, Igor?

Starting point is 00:09:40 Yes, all guy. I read to Nikolai and Zoya, I read to him, Baba Yaga. They both cry very much. They beg to stop. Good Igor. Maybe now they guy read to Nikolai and Zoya, read to Baba Yaga, they both cry very much. They beg to stop. Good Igor, maybe now they're not hiding forest. Maybe now they come quick when I ask inside for dinner food time. I'll probably that kind of stuff. Russian fairy tales, nearly saw their complete extinction. First, when the Eastern Orthodox Church tried to obliterate them as a spread Christianity, everything before the word of the Christian God was considered pagan. Everything pagan was considered satanic and needed to be forgotten.

Starting point is 00:10:07 And then when they were nearly wiped out again in the wake of Soviet rule because communist proponents initially found folklore detrimental to furthering their ideals. Luckily, some people saved him. Early Communists like, no fairytales, they have a Russian, no fairytales make fairies. On the story of strong communist Russian men, sex and strong communist Russian women be told now. Also many stories of strong communist Russian men killing all other weak men, especially capitalist fairy men, also now be told.

Starting point is 00:10:37 Luckily a literary and historically minded communist man, Maxim Gorky stressed the importance in artistic value of a nation's folklore, how important it was towards building a cohesive national identity. He convinced Soviet leaders that the fairy tales were in fact in line with communist beliefs and could be altered a little bit, to be more in line. They would help foster patriotism, support a burgeoning Soviet society. Gorky was an interesting dude. Born in Russia, 1868, he had a complicated relationship with his fellow communists. Dude was an orphan at the age of 11,

Starting point is 00:11:07 lived on his own, beginning at the age of 12 when he balanced out of his grandparents' house, took odd jobs, it sent him all around Russia. That'll make you grow fast, just living on your own at 12. He was a five-time nominee by the end of his life for the Nobel Peace Prize for Literature, wrote a number of heralded plays

Starting point is 00:11:22 such as the lower depths in the children of the son. He was very much an anti-zarist, hated royalty, hated the aristocracy. He was politically active before the Bolshevik Revolution getting arrested numerous times for various protests against the, you know, royalty. He lived outside of Russia for long periods of exile, numerous points during his life. He was a big supporter of Lenin, and he helped Lenin's rise to power, and then once the Bolsheviks took over, he realized he wasn't a big supporter of communism after all. He was like, supporter of Lenin and he helped Lenin's rise to power and then once the Bolsheviks took over He realized he wasn't a big supporter of communism after all. He was like, God damn it. This is even worse than having a monarchy

Starting point is 00:11:51 And then Stalin took over and he thought maybe things are better and Stalin talked Gorki into returning to Russia in 1928 More bribed him and then talked him into it Gorki was struggling financially abroad And he's like, oh, maybe communism isn't that bad, I guess. And Stalin made him a sweet offer to come back, you know, and help with propaganda. Gorky was given a huge luxurious mansion. He was appointed president of the Union of Soviet writers,

Starting point is 00:12:14 a position made for him. And he was like, okay, all right. Maybe communism isn't that bad after all. You know, at least not for me. These are, these are pretty sweet accommodations. Money talks, always has always will. A lot harder to hate the government when you're living high in the hog.

Starting point is 00:12:31 And then around 1932, he started to disagree with Stalin about what Russian authors were supposed to write. He was like, damn it. Why don't I have to be an artist? Why don't I have to feel the need to express my own truths? And Stalin was like, yeah, we didn't give you that big house, should be an artist. We were thinking more along the lines of an arty-type puppet.

Starting point is 00:12:47 You could be an artist as long as your art always agrees with my vision for Mother Russia. And by 1934, he was placed under house arrest and he was censored. And then he was like, I'm not, I remember, I do fucking hate communism. That's right, for sure I do. And then in 1936, still under house arrest,

Starting point is 00:13:03 he still on getting along with Stalin. He died officially of pneumonia. Unaffishably many things Soviet secret police murdered him for having opinions that were different than Stalin's opinions, which was one of the worst crimes you could have or commit, excuse me, Stalin is Soviet Russia. It was definitely punishable by death. Before he died though, he did convince Stalin to allow Slavic folklore to stay, which is why he gets mentioned in today's tale. And because of Gorky's efforts, the 1920s became the golden age of Russian folklore, as research and preservation efforts were expanded to increase the country's collection of fairy tales and folktales. Many new Russian writers took the stage and wrote plays full of contemporary folklore that it extolled political leaders, like Stalin,

Starting point is 00:13:42 imparted communist ideals and morals. And this way Russia's folklore was not only a means to maintain tradition and impart values and morals to a community, but also a means of distributing Soviet propaganda to the masses. So this folklore revival that Gorki helped with was both really good and really terrible. We get to keep all of our old stories, yay! But we have to kind of alter them to make sure that the talk about how incredible life is was stolen. Boo! But we have to kind of alter them to make sure that talking about how incredible life is was stolen. Boo! Russian fairy tale heroes and Slavic gods continue to be depicted in the modern art of Russia. Various holidays are held annually to celebrate favorites.

Starting point is 00:14:13 Though Russia adopted Christianity in the 10th century and religious leaders for hundreds of years had tried to replace Slavic gods with Christian icons, the heroes of your persisted and were never entirely eradicated. Pesky Bobby Yoggaga just couldn't be erased. I had to be able to make it to the Communist era. Even when Jesus was like, please come on. If you stop living in the woods with a house with chicken feet, if you stop eating kids, I'll let you live in heaven. Bobby Yaga was like, no, I like it.

Starting point is 00:14:39 I like to taste your kids, I'm going to eat them. And Jesus was like, come on. I can't support you eating kids I die to those kids could live you know I let you live forever if you just knock it off Bobby I was like no I don't want to live if I can eat those kids I like those tasty kids Jesus like plays I got harps and stuff I got streets to go no more no more pain Bobby I was like not like pain I like the tasty kids and but the pain to put on and I decided you know you got no chicken feet houses in the heaven.

Starting point is 00:15:05 And Jesus like, bitch, get your ugly hag ass out of the woods. I'll slap you the hell. And then Jesus like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, you're very frustrating. Forgive me, father. I was out of character. Peace be with you, baby. I have something like that. She survived.

Starting point is 00:15:19 Russia has a wide and rich collection of folklore. Do largely to a handful of men who acted as cultural conservationists. Not just Gorky, there's others, folklorists Alexander Afanasia, poet Alexander Pushkin, British scholar Robert Steele. Well, Afanasia and Pushkin wrote new works and brought back old ideas, Steele gathered and anthologized numerous hotels

Starting point is 00:15:41 from the region into the fairy tale collection known as the Russian Garland. Let's first briefly meet the two Russian writers, Afanasia and Pushkin, also interesting lives. Alexander Nikolayevich, Afanasia was a Russian slavist and ethnographer who published nearly 600 Russian-Farian folktales. One of the largest collections of folklore in the world, the first edition of his collection was published in eight volumes from 1855 to 1868. Earning him a reputation of being the Russian equivalent of the brother's grim. He was like a long lost grim brother born with the way less easy to say and catchy last name. Afanasia.

Starting point is 00:16:16 Alexander Nikolayevich Afanasia was born in July 12th, 1826. And a very rural part of Russia, I was unable to locate a pronunciation guide for. I'm not gonna try and say it, since I don't speak Russian. And I'm guessing, let's one percent of you have any idea of where I'm talking about anyway. He was born in a very small town.

Starting point is 00:16:34 He got a lot of snow every winter, where most people probably hated their lives. And they probably stared off in the middle distance a lot, wondering what the fucking point of it all was. I'm guessing. He was born into a family of modest means, we're probably sad most of the time

Starting point is 00:16:47 that they had lived there. Again, speculating about that. His mother was Varvara, Mikhailovna, Afanasya. I probably butchered her two first names because YouTube doesn't give a shit about her. He came from Common folk, Alexander was Varvara's seventh child and she became very ill after giving birth to him and she died by the end of the year. So, you know, he probably wasn't dead's favorite.

Starting point is 00:17:07 Probably wasn't his favorite kid. Alexander could you maybe go fetch fresh milk and from barn for dinner? At least you could do really after killing wife. At least you could do after ruining childhood for all brother and sister with killing mother. Alexander's siblings were raised by their father, Nikolai Ivanovich Afanasya, who served as a prosecutor's assistant. Alexander became a voracious reader as a child, yet access to the well-stocked library left to his family by his grandfather, as well as to various magazines from his father. And I feel like I'm a member of the last generation of people who will truly, truly understand

Starting point is 00:17:42 firsthand how cool it was to have access to a lot of books as a kid. Like I grew up pre-internet because I'm according to my kids' total boomer, and we didn't have a bookstore in town, or in the next town over or in the next town over from that, not that I remember. We had a small town library, like teeny tiny by the size of two bedrooms, and I read every Stephen King book they had. And my grandparents had a series of time-life hardcover books about the Wild West, that in Encyclopedia, and I would just read that show all the time. My great grandpa had a farmer's Almanac's and tons of National Geographic's. I read those all the time. I could

Starting point is 00:18:12 get the occasional comic books and show it up at the grocery store. I had a subscription to sports illustrated. So on a commercial, they had a 1-800 number and I saved my allowance. And I may or may not have nearly broken my wrist, reading articles on Kathy Ireland. Yeah, Luciferina. And that was it. That was what I had access to. I couldn't browse the web, couldn't hop on Amazon or BarnesNobal.com or many other online book retailers.

Starting point is 00:18:34 Couldn't order any book and print. You know, they didn't have audio books. I had friends who had access to less books than I had. I'd go to their houses for sleepovers, you know, they didn't have hardly any books. It was huge to have that access. It fueled my imagination, let me years later become a storyteller.

Starting point is 00:18:48 I'm so thankful for those early books that psyched the PDFs, magazines, and more. And when Alexander was a kid, books were even more limited, much more limited than when I grew up. I just lucked the draw where you were born, what family you're born into. Every town didn't have a library. The grocery store didn't have a bookstore in.

Starting point is 00:19:02 Your family having a personal library was huge, rare and wonderful. Now we all have access to an online library far, far far more vast than anyone on earth had back in the early 19th century. A lot of free PDFs out there. It's pretty amazing. Alexander in large part due to access to that library feeding his young sponge of a mind will become an academic. And he'd grow up and write a series of articles on government economy during the times of Peter the Great. Later he'd find a place at Moscow's main archive, directorate under the Ministry of Foreign Affairs of the Russian Empire. He'd worked there for 13 years. During that time he met many people with science and culture. He collected a lot of ancient books

Starting point is 00:19:36 and manuscripts that formed a huge library. His articles, reviews, ethnographical and historical works regularly appeared in the leading Russian magazines of the day, newspapers, Almanac scientific periodicals. In 1855 Alexander headed the state commission responsible for publication of legislative historical and literary works. Due to the complicated politics of the time, he'd lose that job and would be unable to find stable work for several years. He eventually had to sell his library to feed his family. I was a shitty political climate back then, despite the hardships he continued to write.

Starting point is 00:20:07 In 1870, he published his most important work, Russian Children's Fairy Tales. It sounds familiar. Children's and household tales by the brother's grimm first published in various Germanic states in 1812. Roughly 60 years later, Alexander publishes the Russian counterpart, complete with Baba Yaga. And then he does not live happily ever after. Unfortunately, he spends the remainder of his short life in extreme poverty.

Starting point is 00:20:28 Dies at the age of 45 in Moscow after years of suffering with tuberculosis. Shady time to be alive back then in Sony ways. But he published Baba Yaga. So that's that part's happy. And I probably wouldn't be talking about him today, you know, had he not published a story. Prior to Alexander, FNASJOS works in the 1850s. That name is not real off of Dung for me. Afnashas, only a few attempts had ever been made to record or study the folk beliefs of peasant Russia. Now let's meet another Alexander poet Alexander Pushkin hothead. This guy was a douler.

Starting point is 00:21:01 Talk about that here and say this guy's not to be confused with Alexander Poshushkin, the chessboard serial killer. So it's a time-sec 109. Very different dudes. One far more murder than the other. One way more into folklore than the other. But they both did try to kill a lot of people. Talk about that.

Starting point is 00:21:17 This Alexander was a beloved Russian author who published verses based on fairy and folk tales from Russia. Alexander Pushkin, the father of Russian literature, born on May 26, 1799 in Moscow into a noble boyar family. His maternal great-grandfather, interestingly, was full African from the area of Cameroon, very uncommon in Russia.

Starting point is 00:21:37 His great-grandfather was Abram Petrovich Gannibal. African man adopted as a young child by a royal Russian court. A man who would be married twice. He got his first divorce because he was easily able to determine that his first wife was unfaithful because she had a white baby. And he was, you know, he was the only dude in the area that wasn't white. So he was pretty confident that the baby wasn't his.

Starting point is 00:21:58 He was granted divorce. He and his second wife had 10 kids. One became a distinguished naval officer, Ivan Gannibal. Ivan detained the second highest military rank possible in the Imperial Army general in chief I love Ivan's portraits It was common at the time for nobles to have oil portraits and there's a portrait of Ivan Hair style and dress exactly like all these old very fair skinned Russian dudes with skin much darker It stands out in the same way it would stand out if you're looking to old like archival photos of Aboriginal tribesmen in Australia or you know Papua New Guinea

Starting point is 00:22:30 wearing somewhere wearing next to nothing and they all look very similar except for one random old white dude just long straight hair blue eyes pale skin all fucking sunburnt you know hold in the spear but naked looking like it was Photoshopped you know dick maybe a little smaller than his fellow tribesmen. It's such a funny image to be. Just an interesting bit of history. Interesting how much more progressive and evolved the Russians were in the late 18th, early

Starting point is 00:22:52 19th centuries than like the US when it came to race relations. Abram is a royal, and his son is a royal, and the distinguished general, while at the exact same time both of them would have been slaves in much of America. Imperial Russia did have slave equivalent cell, serfs, peasants who were legally owned by the men who owned the land they farmed. Being a serf just didn't have anything to do with race and had everything to do with money not being born into the right land-only royal family. So I guess overall Russians were that evolved just different. Anyway, like many aristocratic families in the early 19th century Russia, Pushkin's parents

Starting point is 00:23:25 adopted French culture. He and his brother and sister learned to talk and read in French. They were also left to the care of their maternal grandmother, who told Alexander's stories of his ancestors in Russian. In 1811, Pushkin entered the newly founded Imperial Lyceum near St. Petersburg. Lyceum being a sort of elite university equivalent. Think Ivy League, if you're an American or familiar with American Ivy League schools. This institution long since closed was later renamed Pushkin Lyceum.

Starting point is 00:23:50 Alexander's literary career began there with the publication of his verse to my friend, the poet. While it's a Lyceum, he also began his first completed major work, the Romantic poem, Ruslin, Ludmilia, written in the style of narrative poems of Voltaire, but with an old Russian setting and making use of Russian folklore. In 1817, Pushkin accepted a post in the foreign office at St. Petersburg, where he was elected to an exclusive literary circle founded by his uncle's friends. He's very hearty-toity. He also got political to the detriment of his career in 1818 and 1819, interesting how

Starting point is 00:24:21 that has not gone away. People often stop listening to artists now, they preach political views, they don't agree with. And centuries past, these people didn't just lose fans. Oftentimes they got kicked the fuck out of places. For his political problems, Pushkin was banished from St. Petersburg in May 1820 to remote southern province. They're like, get the fuck out of here. If you're gonna believe that. He moved around many times. He remained bitter about his exile. I get it. Regardless, Pushkin was hailed as the leading Russian poet of the day and as the leader of the romantic Liberty Loving Generation of the 1820s. In May 1823, he started work on his central masterpiece, the novel in verse, Yiv-Jin-i-un-jin, of which he continued to work intermittently on until 1831, while Adder remote outposted Moldavia, he devoted much of his time to writing,

Starting point is 00:25:05 also plunged into the life of society engaged in amorous intrigue, hard drinking, gaming, and violence. And Odessa, he fell passionately in love with the wife of his superior, the governor general of the province, and he fought several dools there. He was a poet and a fighter, and eventually the count was like, can't hear! He was like, dude, too many dools!

Starting point is 00:25:22 Stop chasing my wife, can't keep shooting everybody, what are you doing? And the dools, he's rushing aristocrats, fought and did involve guns. Not a hair. He's like, dude, too many duels. Stop chasing my wife, get out and kick him, shoot everybody. What are you doing? And the duels, he's rushing aristocrats far and did involve guns. Just like hot headed Americans, like Andrew Jackson and Doc Holliday were standing however many paces apart, fired at those who defended their honor.

Starting point is 00:25:37 You'll defend the honor, sir. Oh, I guess it'd be my honor. It's weird. You've offended my honor. You have referred to my mother as possibly sexually promiscuous. We must shoot at it. There's 20 pesos apart at each other now. That was happening in Europe too. You know, some nuts. And Pushkin was very into dueling. He would challenge over 20 different men to a duel. He would try to kill over 20 dudes. Because they felt that they disrespected him in some way. He was very quick to call for a duel.

Starting point is 00:26:05 Hey, hey buddy. I saw you look at my wife slightly longer than is customary for the time. Grab a gun and get outside, you son of a bitch. It wasn't very good at duels, though. He's not believed to have killed anyone. Most of the time, the other dude backed out before shots were fired. Sometimes shots were fired, but no one was mortally wounded and then the duel would be over. It's usually like a one shot affair for each guy shooting. But then when he was 37, he challenged the wrong man to a duel. He thought the man is

Starting point is 00:26:32 slept with his wife. They go fired each other. He doesn't hit this guy. This guy hits him and they hit him and the bullet bounces up into a stomach and he dies. Before he dies, hot-headed pushkin was exiled again for a time near his mother's state, near Pshoff, at the other end of Russia, for basically failing to go to church and claiming to be an atheist, so he got exiled again. You know, he got kicked out to one place, later he gets kicked out to another place. He's been two years there. While miserable personally, he was very productive professionally.

Starting point is 00:26:59 Alone and isolated, he embarked on a close study of Russian history. He came to know the peasants on the estate and entered it himself in their folklore, the tales and songs. During this period, the specifically Russian features of his poetry became more marked and laced with folklore. He wrote a papayaga and other Russian characters. And his writing influenced many of the best-known Russian writers that would follow him including Leo Tolstoy. I want more to do before we talk about characters. British scholar Robert Steele. Steele born in 1860 as the man responsible for first introducing all the primary old Slavic folklore tales to an English speaking audience with the Russian Garland first published in 1916. The Russian Garland is a collection of 17 Russian folk tales. All the characters

Starting point is 00:27:39 will be talking about going forward can be found in stories contained in this anthology like, you know, they're like bigger tales. There was a lot of info out there on British Bob steel. He lived most of his life in London. He received an honorary doctorate from Durham University. He was an early executive member of the International Academy of the History of Science. He had 10 kids and then sadly his house and personal library were destroyed in a Nazi air raid on London in 1941. And he died three years later at the age of 84.

Starting point is 00:28:04 He mainly wrote for a strictly academic audience. And yeah, and sadly, most of his writings are lost because of that bombing. He studied the folk Lord of literature in art of numerous countries. And he's most known to Americans, luckily this did not get lost for compiling the first two decades of early 20th century

Starting point is 00:28:21 Putin, juju comics into one book that included Putin, juju comics into one book that included Putin, Juju issue number one originally published November 11, 1900 in Parma, Ohio, written by Jamal Johnson, creator of Putin, Juju in his first ever issue titled Yard Candy, only four panels long, only one page published in a variety pack, you know, issue full of various comic strip concepts called rattled my title and ding dong on my Bingbong. And Putin, Juju, crudely drawn. They offered only a glimpse of their later character complexity in this first issue There was no fun catch phrases like putty in your lunch box surely

Starting point is 00:28:54 two little two did a putty Less or known phrases park it in the shed Zip it juju. He shared squacala for someone I never said nothing The first line ever spoken by putty and this issue number one was juju Zip it, Gigi. He shared squacola for someone I never said nothing. The first line ever spoken by Poodie. And this issue number one was Gigi. You seein' Gigi Bell? And the first line ever spoken by Gigi was,

Starting point is 00:29:13 no, you seen Penny Pooper? Gigi Bell and Penny Pooper were two pet dogs. They didn't have it later issues because in the next panel, Gigi was eating Penny P's, peanut butter out in the yard. And while kids thought it was funny, you know, when Poodie yelled, Gigi, you ain't supposed to keep eating the same old meal. Parents didn't enjoy it.

Starting point is 00:29:32 They found it crude and distasteful. And when Gigi gave Penny Poop her a swat on the bottom with a paper, and then yelled, you're a dog, Penny Poop her. Not Gigi's chocolate candy dispenser. Kids also found it funny. Parents again didn't like it. And then parents really didn't like the fourth and final frame. When Pudi held Gigi with her mouth tape shut,

Starting point is 00:29:51 Juju held Penny Pupr with her butt tape shut. And Pudi said, it smells better in here already. And then Juju said, yeah, but now Gigi and me are hungry. And parents didn't care of this illusion. The Juju possibly also eating Penny Poopers poop. But everyone liked the names, basic characters, so the basic concept was rethought and moved forward.

Starting point is 00:30:10 And if you're confused right now, I'm guessing you're just not real familiar with the back time so can't look. Putting juju showed up a lot for about 50 episodes, starting in suck 71. And I'm back now, I missed them. Now that we've met a couple of people who get the spirit of Russian folklore live

Starting point is 00:30:24 and prevented tales, you know, not only, or told only orally for years from fading into obscurity, fading into history to be lost forever, let's meet some of the characters they saved other than Bobby Yaga. Then we'll go full Yaga for the remainder of this suck. Now, let's start with a character pretty similar to Bobby Yaga, Kiki Mora. Kiki Mora is an evil spirit. She appears in two forms, depending on who she marries. Sometimes she appears as a bog hag who's married to a hobgoblin.

Starting point is 00:30:50 What's a hobgoblin? Hobgoblins are small hairy little men, often found within human dwellings who do odd jobs while the families asleep. They sound creepy as shit. And they like a good practical joke. In parts of the UK, Dobby was another term for Hobgoblin. So if you're a Harry Potter fan, Dobby, uh, basically a Hobgoblin. Definitely nod to Hobgoblins there. Sometimes he's also referred to as a brownie brownies and Hobgoblins very similar, uh, while a goblin traditionally, uh, all about being go test evil and malicious, a Hobgoblin is more just a mischievous. Like, while a Hobgoblin might make you think that your kids are dead, uh, when really they've just hit them in an attic

Starting point is 00:31:26 Goblin would just leave your kids dead bodies out in the middle of the living room floor So much better to deal with a hobgoblin than the goblin. They're like diet goblins like a goblin light At least in Russian folklore and when Kiki-mura is not a bog hag married to a hobgoblin She sometimes appears as a house hag who is the wife of a doma boy, which is the house spirit in Slavic folklore. The doma boy watched a I watched a cool presentation on the doma boy on YouTube put on by Yekaterina Koti, the University of Texas Associate Professor of Russian Studies. And she talks about how the doma boy is the oldest surviving creature to make it to the present from ancient Slavic folklore.

Starting point is 00:32:05 Apparently, Doma Voj, figurines, typically carved out of wood, are still sold in gift shops all around Russia. You can find them in many Russian homes, especially out in the rural countryside of Russia. So according to a Yekaterina, other sources I've found, Doma Voj was at earwax, earwax, or what earwax would be, ear wax maker. There used to be for lack of better term like it was fashionable for men to have a lot of ear wax in ancient Russia. The more ear wax a man had, the people thinking went, the better his health, the more virile

Starting point is 00:32:35 he was, he was strong, masculine. And this man wax of a sort was made by the Dome of Boy. And they would make it using honey and man's chest hair. And that's why many Russian men still have very hairy chests and waxy ears today. More honey is still consumed in Russia than in the rest of the world combined. For many generations, women wanted nothing to do

Starting point is 00:32:54 with a hairless, clean-eared, weakling who didn't care for honey. And that's of course not true. The Dome of Boy had nothing to do with air wax and chest hair. They'll be our hairy. They, it's even even weirder than that. These house spirits, that's what Doma Boy roughly translates to, it's a master of the house. They really are super hairy.

Starting point is 00:33:13 Sometimes they're described as having a male humanish face. Sometimes they have the face of almost like a house cat. That's this weird little creature. Their bodies are very fuzzy and beastly, and the male creatures, they're always male, can be quite kind, they can help with chores, they can help keep the house clean, but they can also be cruel. If you don't keep your house clean, they can punish you.

Starting point is 00:33:33 This is the, they can pinch you, and they can pull your hair, and sometimes they're real mad at you, they can sit on your chest and choke you in your sleep. Sometimes they come across, sound like a psychotic roommate, obsessed with keeping the house spotless. Did you see how dirty the toilet was? That's where you get pinched. That's why I put your hair.

Starting point is 00:33:49 And if you don't pick up your dirty laundry before you go to bed and I sit on your chest and I will choke you the fuck out. Some believe that the domo boy are a familial personification of the supreme god of the pre-Christian ancient slavs. Rod is how it's spelled. It's more like a rot is how I hear it said by people who speak the language on YouTube, rot. I love that it's just in English though, just spelled rod, R-O-D. Right? God, Rod, who's your God, Rod? I think I haven't

Starting point is 00:34:19 gotten him Darryl or Larry or something. Larry, who are you praying to? I'm praying to Rod. Now, dammit, let me finish woman. Thigh, heavenly Rod, who art in high-rod heaven. Please help me find a new trainee for my 67 Camaro. They will not slip, but I'm shitting from first to second and trying to leave a little more of my tire on the fucking asphalt. Oh, glorious Rod. May you and your heavily sidekicks,

Starting point is 00:34:40 Jerry Buckhorn and Mudflap, rain blessings upon me and my craftsman tools. May you fill fill my coffers with natural boosts and fuzzy dyes. Oh God Rod. Anyways when you move from one home to another you're supposed to invite the domo boy. Rod God in the flesh. It's always gonna be funny me. It's moved with you. And you better hope he comes along because if you don't have a little domo boy hanging around, well know what, you're in trouble. Your family is going to suffer. You can lose everything.

Starting point is 00:35:07 Many slaves used to believe that the Dome of Boy protected the well-being of a family that they were attached to in a variety of ways. Excuse me, they helped protect the children and the pets and livestock associated with the house constantly looking after them. You know, they fight other Dome of Boy to protect their families and homes. The winner of a Dome of Boy kind of head-to-head battle would take possession of the household of the vanquished rival. They're believed to share the joys and the sorrows of a family, and they can warrant

Starting point is 00:35:30 of bad future events. And if they get pissed, because your family doesn't act right, you're a bunch of fucking lazy slabs, you're a bunch of assholes, they could just bounce, and they leave you unprotected. And now back to that Kiki Mora I was talking about, the evil spirit who appears in two forms, depending on who she marries, right? Kiki Mora I was talking about, the evil spirit who appears in two forms, depending on who she marries, right? Kiki Mora, excuse me. The Kiki Mora who appears as a bog hag when she's married to a hobgoblin

Starting point is 00:35:50 and the house hag when she gets married to a domo boy. A bog hag is basically a nasty ass witch who often lives in a, you can guess it? Yeah, yeah, a bog. Muddy ground, similar to a swamp. A bog hag is a nasty old witch covered in mud who doesn't clip dirty fingernails ever and eats her own shit. That's not exactly right.

Starting point is 00:36:10 The boghag appears in Russian fairy tales as an old, uh, uh, uh, ugly woman dressed in stinky ass seaweed. So not, not even a poop, but still pretty gross. Her job was to frighten those who wanted to marches and also to lure travelers into quick stand and to steal small children. She's a real piece of shit. Yeah, she literally has no redeeming qualities, the bog hack. If she was interviewing for a job and they asked her, okay, other than frightening those

Starting point is 00:36:34 who wandered to marshes and other than luring travelers into quick stand and stealing small children, do you have any other job experience? At that point, she'd probably just like, just like shrug her shoulders, just maybe fart, eat one of her own boogers or something, and then giggle, she's nasty. And she has other characteristics

Starting point is 00:36:53 and other cultures, folklore stories. Now the house hag on the other hand, when Kiki Mora takes this form, she's technically still an evil spirit, but she's like a chill evil spirit. She's like evil light. She's an introverted shy, nasty-ass evil o' woman, and she lives quietly in her house, and she rarely shows herself to people, and she doesn't cause too many problems.

Starting point is 00:37:13 And if you're not careful, you can become a hag. If you drown on a bog, if you die before you get baptized, well, shit, my friend, there's decent chance you're going to be a hag now. And your only hope is to get married to a dumb avoid and become a house hag and just keep yourself, not in a nasty ass bog hag. And if you think all this sounds crazy and confusing and not extremely well thought out, well you know what, you're right.

Starting point is 00:37:34 People wrote this shit, living a long time ago. They didn't even know how to write. People told these stories a long time ago because they were a lot of dumber than a lot of people now. Also, super random. If you watch The Witcher on Netflix, in the opening scene of the very first episode, season one, episode one, The Witcher,

Starting point is 00:37:50 Geralt, fights and kills this giant nasty, huge spider-looking thing with the humanish head, and that thing is labeled as a Kiki Mora around the web, and that's not true. It's common misconception. Let's get nerdy here for a second. The Witcher actually fights a Kiki-mohra. Not a Kiki-mohra. The Kiki-mohra is a made up giant insectoid or insectoid monster originally created for

Starting point is 00:38:12 the Polish and Czech video game that the Witcher series is based on. And those video games are based on the original book series The Witcher written by a Polish author Andrei Sapkowski. Yes, The Witcher is a Polish creation. So it turns out, as much as I hate to admit it, sometimes they do in fact create great things. I feel like it in the same way similar to how if you had it, if you had an infinite number of monkeys

Starting point is 00:38:37 hitting random keys on tie-briters, eventually one of those monkeys would write when a Shakespeare's plays, well eventually one of those Polish monkeys wrote the Witcher. Uh, and if you, again And if you get a journalist there, I just said these things to my wife's Polish. If you're like, what the fuck dude? But for real, that show does come from Poland and many of its creatures and monsters from

Starting point is 00:38:55 Slavic folklore. If the Netflix series continues to follow the books and the video games, Baba Yaga will eventually show up. You know, so uh, toss a coin to your witcher, oh valley of plenty, oh valley of plenty, oh, toss a coin to your witcher, oh valley of plenty. Huh? Ah, which is song there? And that song reminds me a quick word from today's first sponsor. Time suckers brought to you by the A-hole Air Banjo Academy Russian folklore edition.

Starting point is 00:39:33 In just 30 minutes or less, learn how to pluck away hobgoplins, househacks, boghags, and angry doma-voy and more. Learn how to sexually serenade the rare beautiful bobboyaga with sweet plank and plank riffs over a melody like this. bank don't think don't think don't think don't think don away. A few more plucks prove it is here to stay. And I'm back. A big thanks to the A-hole AirBangio Academy, one of our best fake sponsors. They have probably given us more fake money than any other fake sponsor we've ever fake had. Another, another famous Russian folklore character is Ivan the Fool, aka Ivan the

Starting point is 00:40:39 Ninny. And I just want to, sorry, I'm going to get back, but I just, I just want to keep it. Darn, darn, darn, darn, darn, darn, darn, darn, darn, darn, darn, darn, darn, darn, darn, darn. Why is that so fun for me? Another famous Russian folklore character, Ivan the Fool, aka Ivan the Ninny. Ivan the Fool is the youngest son of a peasant family many years ago. That's what the Russian equivalent of fool meant, the youngest son. It originally did not have a negative intellectual connotation.

Starting point is 00:41:10 Ivan's usually a well-meaning dude who doesn't think before acting often does dumb things pretty randomly. Most other people don't take him seriously. At best, they treat him like a fool and at worst they just kind of push him around. And despite his simple ways, Ivan often ends up achieving feats that the other heroes can, you know, can't manage. Because despite being simple, he's never portrayed as an actual idiot and Stalin loved this simple fucker because Ivan the fool made for great propaganda and one Ivan story whitewash by communism Ivan's brothers were easily tempted by money and military power and yet the unsophisticated Ivan with a simple way of life

Starting point is 00:41:41 he ends up defeating the treacherous devil none of his brothers are able destroy. Ivan becomes the ruler of the whole country despite the lack of a standing army or any currency. And all the citizens are welcome at Ivan's table where workers are fed first. And intellectuals, those without calluses on their hands, well, you get to eat the leftovers, smarty pantses. It's a dumb story told to make some people happy in the hopes that they will remain ignorant and be less likely to rebel. Hey, don't read up on any intellectual crap. Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on,

Starting point is 00:42:16 come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, Not some fancy professor tries to tell you the communism isn't working out for you. Okay, he tries to tell you what, you're disposable, you're a replaceable cog in the machine. He's a fucking liar, he's gonna eat at the candy table. Another Russian folklore character is Vasalisa the Wise. She appears in one fairy tale story familiar to the West, at least in name, the frog princess.

Starting point is 00:42:43 Vasalisa shows up in a lot of fairy tales. She normally takes on the role of a beautiful maiden or princess. She's a Russian Cinderella, a persecuted by a wicked stepmother or villain. She's often rescued by, or at least falls in love with, a handsome prince or the hero of the story. In the Russian version of the frog princess, there's a woman who is the perfect medieval Russian wife.

Starting point is 00:43:03 Clever, beautiful, sensible, resourceful, loyal, thrifty. On top of all that, she's skilled in magic arts, has an army of nannies at her command. She can assist in impossible circumstances. There's just one drawback. Drawback. She's a frog. God dang, there's one catch. She's a frog. And she's compelled to appear in that form to the man she's destined to marry, Ivan the Crown Prince. Ivan the's destined to marry Ivan the crown prince Ivan the crown prince is not Ivan the fool by the way a lot of events no time in Russia

Starting point is 00:43:34 And when Prince Ivan Zorovich and his two older brothers shoot arrows and different directions in their kingdom There's some stupid weird thing for the story where they have to marry Wherever these arrows land. By whoever these arrows land near that's so they have to marry or if they hit something Have to marry the two older brothers end up marrying wealthy nobleman's daughters all those those arrows land near, that's what they have to marry, or if they hit something, they have to marry. So the two older brothers end up marrying wealthy nobleman's daughters, all those arrows land near those women. Ivan's arrow lands in the actual mouth of the frog without killing it because of magic, I guess. A lot of things in these old-timey stories

Starting point is 00:43:57 are not properly explained, and I feel like ancient barbs and old-timey storytellers just explained a lot of plot holes and story inconsistencies the way by just saying, wow, magic, yeah. How did the arrow not kill the frog storytellers just explained a lot of plot holes and story inconsistencies the way by just saying magic yeah how did the arrow not kill the frog and stuck it right in the mouth sir Earlier you said her name was Valerie, but now you just said her name was Vasalisa. How come? Magic. You just don't get it quiet down

Starting point is 00:44:25 The three brides to be our tasked with tests to determine their skills as cooks and weavers and the frog far out does the two nobleman's daughters, which is fucking impressive. Considering that in frog form, and I don't see as no opposable thumbs or elbows to bend, you know, enough to touch her web, feet hands together, impressive that she's able to cook with utensils and pots and pans and all greatly outweigh her and completely dwarfed her in size. Also interesting that the king would consider letting his son marry an actual frog. Deal the deal! Good thing you didn't land that arrow in a parking pile smile. He had even more problematic wedding night to look for. Not sure how you thought his son would produce heirs.

Starting point is 00:44:59 Then another task was given to find out which new wife was the best wife. The final task was to attend a banquet at night where the Ivan, or where Ivan discovers that the frog is really a princess, right? He was good sports his whole time. And he didn't know that the frog was a princess. He just thought he was, you know, gonna be, hook it up with a frog.

Starting point is 00:45:15 And then he finds out that she's the princess named Vasilya so the wise, and turns out Vasilya so sheds her frog skin every night, and then returns, you know, because of this curse into the form of frog every day. So kind of sound like the perfect wife. Small, easily, ignorable creature during the day, sexy lady at night. JK, gosh dang.

Starting point is 00:45:34 Don't tell Lindsey. I know a lot of you are narks in the report on me, Der. To remove the curse, Ivan Burns, her shed frog skin. This causes a Vaselesa to return to her imprisonment at the hands of Koshade the deathless, who originally cursed her. If he just waited three years, the curse would have been lifted.

Starting point is 00:45:51 Koshade the deathless shows up in a variety of Slavic folklore tales. We'll talk about him a bit. He's an era kind of bad. We're, we're, we're, we're, we're dude guy. We're actually, we're talking about him right now. More, more of a, more of a stock character. There's a lot to talk about with him him not a lot of details given about his appearance

Starting point is 00:46:07 He's usually just a dude who's bad and he abducts the hero's love interest for known known reason other than he's just he's a naughty guy That's it and with the help of Bobby Yaga I win the prince finds coche's soul with an in needle within an egg with an aduck with an a hair with an iron chest soul within a needle, within an egg, within a duck, within a hare, within an iron chest, buried under a green oak tree on the magical island, Boyan. And he breaks the needle to kill the immortal sorcerer and free Vassalisa so they can marry and live happily ever after. So it ends with like a weird Russian doll type situation when it comes to hiding this soul.

Starting point is 00:46:39 Who came up with that? I feel like this story must have been originally put together by a by like a team of like a half dozen storytellers You know the head just wanted to wrap it up just I say it's sold in a needle. No, I wanted a egg Duck makes more sense to me. I want a rabbit. I'm just as what I think Bear dinner trees the best I did enough Fair tail was due two weeks ago you fucking idiots the king grows impatient We don't have time to keep reworking it. We're gonna hide it in needle with an egg, with an egg, with an egg, with an hair, with

Starting point is 00:47:08 a chastise, with a beard under tree. Everyone's ideas get used. Another popular Slavic folklore character is Nightingale the Robert, aka Solavoy, the Briggand, the Terror of Traverse. This is one of the weirdest ones. This super weird. Nightingale the Robert is the hero of the classic Russian epic tale, the first journey of Ilya Morbets.

Starting point is 00:47:29 Written in various ways, this nightingale fella lives in a nest, which is in either nine or 12 oak trees. It's a big nest. He's the head of a big bird human family. He has three grown-ass daughters, and they're husbands, and they all live up with him as huge nest. And if you try to rent a nest like kids in Manhattan or Santa Monica right now you'd be spent a five grand a month easy. You couldn't buy a nest for under five mil in San Francisco like this. Anyway, this bird guy fella. He usually shows up as a winged avian half man. He stalks the road

Starting point is 00:47:58 from a churnig off to Kiv. No matter whether a traveler's going horseback or on foot the night and gale, he always fucks with them. He whistles at him. You guys, he's the worst whistle ever. He has a death whistle. And it's the very least it scares a shit out of people. His dude has the most powerful whistle of all time. You can die from hearing it. It can flatten your whole village. It's way more annoying than any whistle you've heard in your whole life. Even today, a lot of Russians start in fans of Whistland. A common superstition in Russia is that if you whistle indoors, your money will fly away. Bad financial situation is awaiting. It goes back to this weird bird dude.

Starting point is 00:48:35 In the main telling of this story, a warrior named Ilya Murametz survives the whistle, even though the night and gale leveled half of the surrounding forest when he made the magical sound. Ilya then shoots down night and gale the robber with arrows. Uh, he shoots him in the eye with an arrow and he shoots him in the temple with another arrow, but he still lives because of, uh, magic. And then Ilya drags the defeated monster before Vladimir, the Prince of Kiev. And Vladimir wishes to hear night and gale the robber whistle.

Starting point is 00:49:00 I don't, I don't know why. He wants to, he's heard about this whistle. Super dangerous, but he's like, I kind of want to hear it, which is not smart. But the creature claims he's too wounded to whistle. He's still kind of dealing with the arrow to the eye, another one to the temple. He's got some shit going on. And night you get the robber request wine to drink, so there's wounds will disappear. And then, then he will whistle for the prince. And I got it. It's got to be nice to be able to drink off two arrows to the head. And then when he whistles, all of Vladimir's palaces are destroyed. And most of his people lay dead. It's not a good idea to encourage Scott Whistle.

Starting point is 00:49:32 But not Ilya Muromets. Why? Magic. Ilya takes the night and gallons of an open field and cuts off his head. Then he's really done Whistlin. Very hard to whistle if you don't have a head. This Ilya dude, he's also an important Russian folklore character, shows up in a variety of stories. I love that a lot of these characters pop up in each other's tales. It reminds me of like the Marvel and DC universes. Ilya is one of the three bogateers.

Starting point is 00:49:57 Some super easy to pronounce Russian names coming up, so this should be a breeze. The Russian painter Victor Vasnitsov immortalized a legendary hero of Russian folklore, Ilia Morometz and his companions, Aleosha, Papa Vitch, Dobrinia, Nikitich, his painting, the Bogotiers, completed after 19 years of work in 1898. Oh my God, 19 years of work. Regardless of the greatest of Russia's Bogotiers, Epic knights, Ilya Muramets is a massive central warrior, sitting atop his steed poised to protect Russia from any and all danger.

Starting point is 00:50:31 Ilya is famed for incredible strengths like Samson. He uses this strength to single-handedly defeat the entire city of Ternikov from a tater invasion, right? He's like one dude against an army, he's like, fuck you guys. He can fell entire forests. He also, you know, he also killed off that aggressively, you know, Whistland, son of a bitch, Birdman, Nightingale, the robber.

Starting point is 00:50:51 Elias companion, Aliyoshiah, known for his wits, Dobrinha, for his courage. Like these three musketeer types here. Aliyoshiah, you know, or Knights of the Round Table kind of thing. Aliyoshiah, the youngest of the three defeats a super tough dragon at one point with a, this dragon has a weird Achilles heel. This dragon's a Turigan, this is a meat, the meat of itch. I don't know why he has like a dude's name,

Starting point is 00:51:13 why does he have a last name? Who's that dragon? That's Chuck Lee McCannery. It's like, what? That's a dragon's name? Yes, there's a lot of dragons up there. You're gonna have to deal with Darrel Brent Hall. It's another dragon.

Starting point is 00:51:28 But he kills this dragon by calling on the heavens to send a black rain. The shokes the dragons, paper wings. So then he falls to the ground and can meet his feet. That's a, this dragon's main weakness is having paper wings. And then Dubrinya is also a dragon slayer. Also renowned for his skill that chess, music and archery. And in one tale, Dabrina and the dragon, goarnic, okay, proper dragon, which is one name, Dabrina

Starting point is 00:51:54 battles this dragon for three days. And then just when he's about to give up a heavenly voice, command him to hang in there for just three more hours. And then he'll be able to manage to kill the dragon. Yes, three more hours. That's some fight. Can you imagine some trainer telling his MMA fighter that? I know you're tired, but don't give up.

Starting point is 00:52:10 You're going to kick the shit out, John Jones. You just got to wear him down for three more hours. Another cool character is the firebird. The firebird is described as a large bird with a majestic plumage that glows brightly, emitting red, orange, and yellow light like a bonfire. And the feathers do not cease glowing if removed. One feather can light a large room if not concealed. Man, I'd like to have some of those feathers

Starting point is 00:52:35 when I have to change light bulbs anymore. Sometimes this bird is enveloped in fire, so that would be unfortunate if the feathers were always burning. So that would not make it good to use in the house. The firebird is not to be confused with the phoenix, not a symbol of rebirth. It doesn't rise from its own ashes. It just basically looks super cool and has good light feathers. A typical role of the firebird in Russian fairy tales is to be the object of a difficult

Starting point is 00:52:58 quest. The quest is usually initiated by finding a lost tail feather. At which point the hero sets out to find and capture the live bird. Sometimes I was on a cord, usually the bidding of a father or king. The firebird is a marvel, highly coveted, and the hero initially charmed by the wonder of the feather eventually blames the feather for his troubles. Usually the bird is a lure for brave young men who seek fame and fortune. Very often the hero happens upon a firebird's feather, brings it to the czar as a gift, not knowing what ill is now going to befall him. Having been given a feather that shines more

Starting point is 00:53:29 brightly than many candles the czar usually wants the whole bird. And sends the hero back to find this bird in some sort of perilous quest. So, you know, if you see a firebird feather, it's best just to leave it be. I think the lesson of a lot of the firebird stories is sometimes finding something cooler than you ever thought you'd find is the worst thing that can happen to you Because you can make you or those around you suddenly yearn for the monster of more now we want more Suddenly what you had isn't good enough and you need extra You need something you never knew even existed before your fill with desire and desire can be dangerous the fire bird Tales to me are kind of like a mom money more problem type lesson

Starting point is 00:54:05 Right reminds me of hearing stories about people winning the lottery and then their lives are ruined The fire bird tales to me are kind of like a mo money, more problem type lesson. Right, reminds me of hearing stories about people winning the lottery and then their lives are ruined. If we hear those stories, you know, people who are living lives with a, maybe a little light on money, but happy overall. And they had a lottery and suddenly, everybody wants a piece of them. And then even when they give people a piece,

Starting point is 00:54:20 if they don't give them a piece as big as they're hoping for, those people are angry with them. And then the lottery winner resents them for being ungrateful about the money that wasn't their money in the first place. And then after giving money, others who weren't even initially hoping to get money for themselves, now they're jealous, now they want a piece. Now it's a big mess. It's not a person who won this wonderful gift, now how it's nearly everyone, they know

Starting point is 00:54:39 people they got along with, you know, just fine before winning them, set with them. They feel the most alone they've ever felt. Now it feels like every new friend they're trying to make going forward though just wants them for the money. They should have left that feather alone. They should have never bought that curse ticket in the first place. It feels like that kind of story to me. So maybe some of these old tales have lessons to still hold up. Be careful what you wish for. Maybe you don't need some beautiful bird. Maybe you already have everything you need to be happy. Love folklore. So weird and oftentimes confusing and

Starting point is 00:55:08 hard to follow sometimes, but so many universal truths, tucking sides to so many of these very old stories. Two more little characters now that is Bobby Yagatai. Slavic folklore has spirit for just about everything in nature. Our next character is named a Vadyya Voe, a water spirit who is the king of the deep. A version of this character appears in the Witcher universe as well as the Ponto River and its tributaries again in the Witcherverse. So, uh, Toss a coin to your Witcher, oh valley of plenty, oh valley of plenty, oh, toss a coin to your Witcher, oh valley of plenty Pretty damn catchy melody I

Starting point is 00:56:10 Enjoy that show by the way just the right amount of cheese for me Slavic mythology Vadi and what I hate this word Vadi annoy. I always want to say Vadi avoid Vadi annoy the water spirit often appears as a naked little man with a frog-like face greenish beard long hair Body covered in algae and muck, usually covered in black fish scales. He has webbed paws instead of hands, a fish's tail, eyes that burn like red hot coals. He's usually riding along on the river

Starting point is 00:56:35 on a half-sunk log, making loud splashes. Super creepy and annoying. Why do the splashes have to be so loud? I can just quietly float by so no one has to look at his NAS. He has. Sometimes he has a fishy tail, sometimes he doesn't, he's a shape shifter, and annoying. Why do these flashes have to be so loud? Why can't you just quietly float by so no one has to look at his nasty ass? Sometimes he has a fishy tail. Sometimes he doesn't. He's a shape shifter, probably some sort of

Starting point is 00:56:49 sub-species of lizard illuminati. He sometimes dwells in all kinds of reservoirs and wells, but you'll most frequently find him sitting alone at the end of the bar. It's some kind of hole in the wall dive. Running up his tab, he hasn't paid off in months. Running his mouth, this horrible breath, you can tell the bartenders heard it all before a thousand times, just sitting down there,

Starting point is 00:57:10 and that's why my wife left me and couldn't deal with the webhars. You might think it was a red eyes and the frog face would run off, but no, sir, you know, why out of the two of us, I was the looker if you can believe that she blamed it on the splashin Why I've audio no where she'd say why do you have to splash about so loudly and I tell her Have you ever tried to get to work by patting a half-sunk log upstream or have you? Anyway, I have another drink regional law all square up by Friday. I promise sorry about the algae in a mucco cleaner before I leave I'll go after this next drink. I don't want to someone running off with my half-sunk log. I forgot to lock it up. I got a lot of fun because half-sunk log, who would take it? I'll just drink quietly by myself.

Starting point is 00:57:57 And of course, that's nonsense. He sometimes dwells on all kinds of reservoirs and wells. Usually, you'll find him in pools near a water mill. And in old Russian folklore tales, he's considered evil in more modern fairy tales, more of just a nuisance. Sometimes he tries to prevent the young hero from marrying his beloved, especially if she turned out to be his daughter. Oh, who do I want to marry that guy's daughter? One more before Baba a dragon. Did you know that puffed the magic dragon first showed up in Russian folklore? Well, if you do, you need to reassess your confidence in knowing things, because that's not true. Puff first showed up in 1959 folklore. Well, if you do, you need to reassess your confidence in knowing things because that's not true. First showed up in 1959 when a 19 year old Cornell University, a little, a little Puff

Starting point is 00:58:30 detour then back to Russia. Uh, showed up in 1959 when a 19 year old Cornell University electrical engineering student, Leonard Lenny Lipton wrote a poem about Puff the Magic Dragon, a few years later, one of his former roommates back in school, Peter Yaro contacted Lenny. Like, hey man, you care if I take that old poem? We were working into a song, and he was like, yeah, no problem. And then he did.

Starting point is 00:58:51 And Peter had formed a little band called Peter Paul and Mary. And they recorded Puff the Magic Dragon in 1962, released in 1963, made it to number two on the billboard charts. Then it became an animated TV special in 1978. Little dragon trivia for you, you can never have enough. Now, let's talk about Gorenik. The one Dorebremia spent next to a three hours fighting.

Starting point is 00:59:11 The Gorenik, the dragon, has a lot of heads, at least three up to a dozen. High percentage of this thing's overall weight is comprised of neck, a lot of neck weight on this creature. He can appear out of the water, spew flames from his nostrils, occasionally flying the wings of fire, says, uh, off of the lives in the mountains, right? Like very traditional dragon, like a lot of dragons, Gordnick loves to kidnap hot women and besiege cities with hotter fire. And I mean, if you're going to be a bad guy, it doesn't sound like a terrible way to go,

Starting point is 00:59:38 right? If you have to kidnap, you know, kidnap and hot women, probably better than kidnap, but I don't know, it's like stinky old, you know, fucking water creature man or something and Burned in a village to the ground with flames shoot out of your mouth. I mean if you really hated that village, I would have to feel pretty satisfied Gordon it cannot be bought off or distracted. He's always determined to make a meal of those who deserve his rest or thwart his plans. Once you piss him off You gotta fight him. It takes a true hero to defeat a dragon like this, like Dobrignia, what's his nuts? That epic folklore night guy. And how exactly did this one night kill such a badass dragon?

Starting point is 01:00:10 Well, I'm glad you asked. Magic. I wish I worked in real life, right? You just, ah, magic, yeah, change everything. Bob was a massive dead. He just been fired from his job. His wife was about to leave him and take his kids because he'd been lying to her for years about the true state of their finances.

Starting point is 01:00:24 Money lost due mostly to his secret online gambling addiction. And then he also had to explain to her how he suddenly had general herpes. And then it was all better. It's all fine. You know, his herpes were gone. His house was paid for and he had a get a raise. His wife loved him more than ever. He got rehired and no one cared about his gambling because he always won.

Starting point is 01:00:40 And how? Well, fucking magic, okay. So now we have an idea of the world that Bobby Yaga's living in. We know who helps, you know, save Slavic folklore from Faden DuP's security. We know about some of Bobby Yaga's story time companions. Now let's learn a bit about her right after a quick sponsor break. Please give these. Listen, please use the URL codes. I give you guys for sponsors to save money for yourself and also to let these sponsors know that we are where you heard about the deal from.

Starting point is 01:01:09 This is where you heard about the deal. It helps us a ton to continue to get sponsors when you do that quick break right back with Bobby Yaga. Now let's get to Bobby Yaga. Who was this nut? In the oldest Bobby Yaga story, she's her powers resemble those of Agatus more than a witch. And she and her magic hut act as a guardians gateways to the underworld. To many, she's much deeper and more intricate character than the witches in the midst of

Starting point is 01:01:33 Western Europe. She's the figure who inspires contradictory feelings of fear, respect, and hope. She's not always just an evil weirdo living in a home with chicken feet. There are even many pagan circles in Eastern Europe and around the world is still believed that Baba Yaga was indeed a goddess and still hold her in high regard. To many, especially in Romania, she is considered the witch's goddess. One such modern believer wrote his short description of her current influence. Baba Yaga's themes are the harvest, rest, providence, thankfulness, and cycles.

Starting point is 01:02:03 Her symbols are corn sheaths, wreaths of wheat, corn, rye, and wildflowers. This Lithuanian Russian goddess of regeneration Baba Yaga is typically represented in the last chief of corn in today's festivities, Obzinki, a secular festival celebrating the changing of the seasons. As both young and old she reawakens in us in awareness of times ever moving wheel, the seasons and the significance of both are goddess centered magic, both to our goddess centered magic. Follow with the tradition and make or buy a wreath or bundle of corn, shucks or other harvest items. Keep this in your home to inspire Bobby Yagas Providence and prosperity

Starting point is 01:02:42 for everyone who lives there for breakfast, consume a multi-grain cereal, ribagels or wheat toast. Keep a few pieces of dried grains or toasted breads with you. This way you will internalize Bobby Yaga's timelines for coping with your day more effectively and efficiently. You'll carry her Providence with you no matter what the circumstances. Feast on newly harvested foods, thinking Bobby, thanking Bobby Yaga as the maker of your meal. Make sure you put away one piece of corn

Starting point is 01:03:07 that will not be consumed today, however. Dry it and hang it up to ensure a good harvest for the next year, for your garden, pocketbook or heart. Finally, decorate your home or office with a handful of wildflowers, even dandelions qualify. Baba Yaga's energy will follow them and you to where it is most needed. Huh.

Starting point is 01:03:26 She sounds nice here, but kind of boring. Why do I have to eat corn or cereal or toast? I wonder if I can have donuts. Donuts are bread? Tasty bread? You know, am I paying tribute to Baba Yaga when I have a Mabel bar? That's not something I'm telling Lindsay. Listen, not just eating like shit again. I'm, listen, I'm fucking paying tribute to Bobby Yaga.

Starting point is 01:03:48 Come on. Well, modern Bobby Yaga sounds like here, and this depiction sounds like some sweet crunchy, hippie old-timey Bobby Yaga was usually more of a monster. Most of the story she's a monster. Bobby Yaga is technically, as technically as technical as you can get when it comes to ancient folklore, a forest dwelling goddess of death and regeneration.

Starting point is 01:04:06 But more commonly known as a monstrous witch or ogress. Ogress, that's the word you don't hear enough these days. Ogress is a monster usually depicted as a large, hideous man-like being that eats ordinary humans, especially infants and children, nasty character. Babiyaga was an ogress. OG Babiyaga's in many ways, the archetype of the woodland witch. She does all the things that modern folks would assume a witch would do. She's portrayed as a broom flying hook nose, having cat owning, bone grinding, child murdering old lady. That

Starting point is 01:04:35 is the primary depiction of Bobby Yaga. Like if she popped up on Tinder, you'd be out of your mind to swipe right on Bobby Yaga. Like most prominent myths and legends, Baba Yaga appears numerous times throughout history. There are several other characters that have a lot of similarities, you know, to this murderous witch. There's no definitive Q source equivalent, no agreed upon origin story, no Baba Yaga series issue one we can point to with confidence due to her story being told orally in various villages by various Slavic folk and various subcultures for centuries before ever being written down.

Starting point is 01:05:10 Baba Yaga had many names originally called Baba Jagga and Poland, Baba Roga and Bosnia, Baba Petra and Slovenia. There's a Baba and other parts of Czechoslovakia. The name Baba has been translated to mean old woman hag or grandmother. You're pendant on which Slavic language is being referenced, the Russian term Baba generally considered offensive among Slavs. It serves a designated kind of indicative woman who lives complaining, grossly disheveled,

Starting point is 01:05:39 a lonely lady never married, never been loved. Not a nice thing to call somebody, probably not gonna endure you to someone if you call them a Baba in Russia. Yaga Arlaga has no agreed upon meaning among scholars. The word means horror and shutter and serbian and Croatian, anger and Slovenian, which an old check, wicked wooden impth and modern check, which and fury in Polish,

Starting point is 01:06:02 serpent or snake and Sanskrit randomly. A lot of different possible meanings and they're all bad I didn't I didn't notice nice lady snuck in there or fun grandma no Auntie good time No one is certain when exactly Bobby Yagamator debut in Slavic folklore the character began appearing in print in 1755 But already already a very well-known character by then most likely she came into existence like many many hundreds of years ago Possibly thousands of years ago, possibly thousands of years ago. Some etymologists and historians have linked her to ancient fire cults in Central Asia,

Starting point is 01:06:29 early animists or animal worshiping traditions in Siberia, you know, like well before Christian, well before any modern religion. In an age of seers and shamans, Bobby Yaga could very well be the world's original witch, potentially showing up before the ancient witches referenced in the Old Testament of the Bible. You know, maybe not just an OG, which possibly the OG, which now, it's getting to the nitty-gritty of how she looked in these old stories, my favorite part. Most of the legends, it's clear that every single part of her body is hideous and mutated. She's a very creepy, bad, bad person.

Starting point is 01:07:00 Bobby Yaga is very, very skinny old woman, borderline, you know, emaciated, extremely cold and piercing eyes. You described having a long hook shaped nose, a lot of warrants on her face pointed chin, long, dirty gray hair that she never washes, hasn't washed for years, runs down her shoulders and shriveled back. Her spine is so bent that she walks down given the impression that her nose will actually touch the ground. She's usually really like totally bent over. But don't think that because she's hunched over, she's weak and frail. Ah, that's what she wants you to think. It's one of her tricks. She's hunched over in parts so she can hide her sinister smile. She's the mouth composed of rows of extremely sharp, you know,

Starting point is 01:07:36 just jagged teeth made out of literal iron. Her body complete with very bony legs. It's so thin that the patched rag she wears, hang loose and pillow in the breeze. But again, she's not weak. She seems extremely fragile, but she's actually very fast and strong, able to quickly catch and easily subdue a strong adult man with just her hands. She's also known for her long reach for being able to remove her hands. Actually from her body, she can pick her hands off, have her hands go and do her bidding. And I know this might be a little TMI here, but holy shit of my rock hard right now.

Starting point is 01:08:10 The first two times I read all this, I spontaneously ejaculated. Is that weird? It's like, it seems weird. She's just got you sexy. I just, hot damn, I like a crooked, emaciated looking lady with a bony legs, a mouthful of iron sharp teeth, dirty hair, a wart face, and detachable man hands. My dream woman, move over Luce of Fena. There's a new sex pot in town, Bobbiaga.

Starting point is 01:08:33 Uh, no, in several stories, early stories, Bobbiaga disguises her true appearance because she can shape shift as well. She can appear as an actual sexy lady, you know, she's like a Navajo skin walker, but instead of turning into animals, you know, she turns into very big skin, she has a very big skin, she has a very big skin, she has a very big skin, she has a very big skin, she has a very big skin, she has a very big skin, she has a very big skin, she has a very big skin, she has a very big skin, she has a very big skin, she has a very big skin, she has a very big skin, she has a very big skin, she has a very big skin, she has a very big skin, she has a very big skin, she has a very big skin, she has a very big skin, she has a very big skin, she has a very big skin, she has a very big skin, she has a very big skin, she has a very

Starting point is 01:08:52 big skin, she has a very big skin, she has a very big skin, she has a very big skin, she has a very big skin, she has a very big skin, she has a very big skin, she has a very big skin, she has a very big skin, she has a very big skin, she has a very big skin, she has a very big skin, she has a very big skin, she has a very big skin, she has a very big skin, she has a very big skin, she has a very big skin, she has a very big skin, she has a very big skin, she has a very big skin, she has a very big skin, she has a very big skin, she has a very big skin, she has a very big skin, she has a very big skin, she has a very big skin, she has a very big skin, she has a very big skin, she has a very big skin, she has a very big skin, she has a very big skin, she has a very big skin, she has a very big skin, she has a very big skin, she has a very big skin You know, this form is chosen when this witch is to attract a man by lust. You know, that's pretty hot.

Starting point is 01:09:07 Some raven-haired porcelain skin beauty, where nothing but a cloak of fox fur, she can also appear as a middle-aged woman in peasant clothes who takes the comforting look of a kind mother. When using this disguise, her house exudes an inviting odor of freshly prepared food, bread, and broth, whatever it takes to lure brother in. What dude or lesbian has zero interest neither a sexy naked lady, wearing just fox fur or a nice mom,

Starting point is 01:09:32 making some fresh bread. Home made chicken noodle soup, maybe a hardy casserole. Remember the nice mom, that brings in all kinds, you know, of people, brings in the kids, straight ladies, everyone else, too, everyone loves a nice mom. Everyone loves mother walkin', you just make gas rolls and soup, maybe then my apples will remain calm.

Starting point is 01:09:51 On some tales, she also appears as a trio, instead of as just one woman, and some rushing fairy tales, she appears as three sister, Baba Yaga's, much like the Greek Gorgons, those three sisters who had hair made out of living venomous snakes. While appearing as a trio, these Baba Yaga's are usually less sinister, often helpful. However, they don't seem to be young hot ladies. They seem more traditional, you know, witch-like forms.

Starting point is 01:10:14 So pros and cons to seeing three of them. In the Witcher universe, yes, again, at least in the video games, this is how they show up. Toss a coin to your witchcha, Oh valley of plenty, Oh valley of plenty, You're welcome for sticking that melody in your head for the rest of the day. Yeah. Now let's talk about her unusual and horrific diet preferences.

Starting point is 01:10:43 Bobby Yaga's eating habits make her particularly frightening to children and parents. The Bobby Yaga food pyramid consists mostly of human children. Tiny bit of vegetables, a little bit chicken broth. Decent amount of grown up men and woman burger, but mostly kid's take. You know, it's like everything like the bottom three layers of the pyramid would just be like, you know, kid meat, kid meat, kid meat. Any child caught by the witch runs, the risk of becoming her dinner.

Starting point is 01:11:06 Some stories to picture is having a large stove for cooking kids, similar to the, the Hansel and Gretel, bad lady. Otherwise, Bobbiaga is known to use her pestle and mortar to grind up children's bones after she killed them. She does sometimes consume adults, but the young are her preference. It's probably cranky when she eats an adult, probably just, you know, how does steak,

Starting point is 01:11:27 bobboyaga? Yeah, she's too tariff, I'm not telling her enough. I thought, oh, steak, I don't care for it. I like it to kid steaks. And if she comes across your path and she does want to eat you, she probably will. She's tough to fight off. Few things are able to hurt bobboyaga. She's immune to guns.

Starting point is 01:11:42 She's immune to most physical attacks. Cold iron is able to injure and perhaps even kill her. That's her like main weaknesses, you know, vulnerability to cold iron. So if your traips into the Russian forest, you might just to play it safe on a strap and iron sword across your back. In addition to being able to use it to kill Bobby Yaga, everyone else will probably just leave you alone.

Starting point is 01:12:02 I mean, not many people are gonna fuck with the guy walking through the woods alone with Iron Sword and his back. I don't think I wouldn't, I would just, you know, file that guy under, stay out of his way and let him pass. Spells can be also useful when fighting her, although she does know how to neutralize or nullify most spells. So if you're going to go wizard on Bobby Yaga, you better bring your A game.

Starting point is 01:12:21 On the rare occasions when she leaves the safety of her cabin, she uses a kind of a flying wood pestle, which she uses to grind up bones to also propel her through the air. Sometimes she also has a broom, when she feels more like being a traditional witch, when she wants to ride on a classic witch mobile. When flying, she generally holds the pestle on her right hand, and if the broom shows up, she usually holds the broom in her left hand, the pestle will work like a rudder steering her and the broom is wiping away all of her trails. So no one can find her. I thought she wipes away her air trail. No chem trails with Bobby Yaga flying around to the air. And that, maybe that's why which is flying broom. I seriously always wondered where the broom detail came from. It always seemed like a dumb way to get around

Starting point is 01:13:02 to me, but now, okay, all right, you're wiping away your trail. You're cleaning away your tracks. That's pretty awesome. It might not be true. No one knows for sure, but after doing quite a bit of googling, reading a variety of articles on credible websites, I read a lot because at first I was like, get the fuck out of there. There's no way that's true.

Starting point is 01:13:19 There may be a different and unusual non-baba-yaga-related way, which where the broomstick origin story comes from. It's much weirder than just sweeping away your trail. Many historians think that the historical depiction of witches riding along on broomsticks has its origins in hallucinogenic plant pharmacology. Not kidding, this isn't one of my weird lies. Hallucinogenic chemicals called tropeane alkaloids are made by a number of plants including nightshade,

Starting point is 01:13:45 henbane, mandrake, and gymson weed. During the middle ages, parts of these plants were used to make bruise, ointments, or witches' sals. For witchcraft, sorcery, other nefarious activities, and just for like, you know, healing, herbalists. At some point in history, many centuries ago, some extremely cure hiss, and I guess maybe horny person, found out that these hallucinogenic compounds could be absorbed through sweat glands in the armpit or more effectively via the internal mucus membranes of the rectum or vaginal area. And in the 15th century, records of one witch trial, it is written in the records of one witch trial, it is written.

Starting point is 01:14:23 But the vulgar belief and the witches confess that on certain days or nights, they anoint a staff and ride on it to the appointed place or anoint themselves under the arms and in other hairy places. And by other hairy places, we assume he means vagina and butt vagina. There's even an old woodcut of a naked witch

Starting point is 01:14:42 straddling a broomstick in a sexually suggestive manner. There are references to women using broom handles to insert the witches brew into their vaginas. So maybe, or maybe all that she was written by, does horny, medieval dudes, who just wanted to believe that. Right, like horny, celibate priests, thinking about these witches. Yes, I, these devilish women, these. Yes, I, there's devilish women.

Starting point is 01:15:05 These supple fit perky devilish women. Oh, they sin in so many ways, I, they pervert everything. Even household cleaning items like a broom, a harmless broom. They don't use it for cleaning. No, I, they stick it inside themselves. Yes, they looved it up with their witches brew. And they put it in their, they put it in their pussy sire.

Starting point is 01:15:32 Inent back out, and then they push it back in and out and in and out. And if you excuse me, I must, I must use the bathroom for a few minutes. My trousers have become quite tight. As for flying on these broomsticks, quite a few scholars seem to think flying basically symbolize tripping on hallucinogens. So maybe that is actually a possible explanation that's out there.

Starting point is 01:15:53 I'm not sold. I just wanted to include it in case you've heard of it before. Also, the broomstick association could have began with cleaning your tracks and then over time, also taken on, you know, this additional kind of more perverse association. However, the association began and for whatever reason, Bobby is associated with brooms in some stories

Starting point is 01:16:09 and pestles very much, almost all the time. Heavy tools with a rounded end, used for crushing and grinding substances such as spices or drugs, typically in a mortar, and Slavic cultures in years passed, nothing can be a sign of impending misfortune, the knocking down or grinding a pestle on the floor. Like, that's as worse.

Starting point is 01:16:26 As we said, such a thing could attract Baba Yaga's rage. You know, fuck around with your pestles, right? To have some decent pestle etiquette. On the same way a broom used to sweep a person's two feet at the same time, what act is kind of a curse. Marking the individual to find, you know, the terrible witch sooner or later. So if you didn't like somebody, give me a little broom tap to either feet. Now let's talk about where Boba lives.

Starting point is 01:16:50 She lives out in the woods. She's an outdoorsy kind of gal. She's in the nature. And legends, Bobbiaga lives in the depths of a wild forest that is almost inaccessible to mortals. And most legends, the vegetation and Boba's special corner of the forest grows in an unusual, a natural, horrible way. The canopy of trees prevents sunlight from entering.

Starting point is 01:17:05 The trunks are taken with poisonous fungi. The bushes are full of thorns, weeds, and stinging nettles grow wild everywhere. Even the wild animals, predators avoid this evil part to the forest. You won't hear any birds, the buzz of insects, only an ominous silence. And all this is awesome when it comes to providing a sweet, super villain kind of vibe, but it's terrible if she ever wants to sell her chicken house, right? Not very good curb appeal, not good location, remote, not near schools or shopping. With the state of her lawn, I have to imagine that she, you know, if she doesn't own it outright, Bobby

Starting point is 01:17:36 Yaga, she's probably upside down in her mortgage. One of the strangest parts of Bobby Yaga's story is the construction of her house. It's a simple wood hut entirely unremarkable, except for the fact that it sits on tall, fully animated chicken legs. Hmm? Like, move it around. This makes the house mobile, allowing the witch to easily change locations and house positions. And now, you know what, I'm rethinking the resale value.

Starting point is 01:18:01 Houses with working chicken legs are to my knowledge extremely rare. So if you can find the right buyer, you can make a fortune of a shitty chicken leg hut absolutely for sure. And oh, hey wait, here's some music. Oh boy, sounds like chicken jails come with buying. Even though we're not talking about the prostitution, all right? Let's chicken jails have to say to say Bye bye play boy. Bye bye Chicken Joe is more than just a pimp more than a fanboy and hustle walking with a limp Chicken Joe is a businessman with a mile for money money on his mind Chicken Joe would like to shack up with Bobby Yagan her forced assadness

Starting point is 01:18:39 Become a bad man to her robin and contagger to her marksman Turn that chicken house to a destination and it'llute, comfort a chicken leg, stay for the coop. Chicken Joe to chicken home, a chicken home, a sprit a room. Ah, that's stiggin' and grease and chicken Joe's chicken cone. That's the place for chicken Joe to be stained. You dig? You feel me? You hear what I'm sayin'?

Starting point is 01:19:00 I was chicken Joe speak for, he'd like to broker some type of partnership with Bobby Yaga because he feels that the chicken related marketing potential could make for a very lucrative prostitution or prostitution related business opportunity. But a long time since we heard from chicken Joe here on the suck, good to know he's okay. And apparently he's still pimping. I thought he'd given that up, but he's you know, tough to nail down some of his characters. They do what they want.

Starting point is 01:19:21 Another old character, new sucker, back to Bobby Yaga's hut, the hut itself, rustic construction, typical peasant home, with slats of wood engendered one over the other, a brick chimney, always spitting smoke through the dirty windows. You can see a yellowish light of a lamp, the tiles on top look old and need to repair everything's old and abandoned looking around the house. There's a subtle indication of danger that lies in the dwelling, a low fence made of bones around the entire state of human skulls serving as lookouts on top of the macaw wall at night, empty orbits glow with an ominous glow. So maybe not subtle. Maybe not a subtle indication of danger lies inside. Someone has a fence made

Starting point is 01:19:59 out of human bones, including weird fucking skull lamps way By the way, on the woods, I think you should think twice about going inside. The entrance gate is made up of arched ribs hanging on poles directly with long yellowish bones. The lock is in the mouth of a skull and it's pearly teeth. The bell is a rattle with philaxes hanging on a rope of hair. That one shaking amidst a tinkly noise. You know what? Never going that house.

Starting point is 01:20:23 Never ever going to house with a fence like this. For some reason, the entrance door of the cabin is always facing the opposite side of the road. Anyone who wishes to enter needs to clap or call the owner's attention inside. In fact, Bobby Yaga is always aware when there are visitors on her porch, she decides if she will entertain them. If Bobby Yaga wants you to come inside her house, the entire cabin shutters rising up up from the dirt floor on its enormous chicken legs, and these chicken legs just rotated around, positioned it so that the door is now in front of whoever plans to enter. For sure, want to run now. If the skull and the bone lamps and the rib entrance, you know, left you're like, I don't know, doesn't seem that bad on the fence.

Starting point is 01:21:03 At that point, and then the house gets up on chicken like you fucking get out of there. And for some reason, the visitor behaves disrespectfully at her door, the witch simply commands the huts to trample the trespasser, like crushing every bone of their body. My God, maybe that's how she got her fence. And user chicken house to smash you. Most of the time, this doesn't happen in Bobby Yaga,

Starting point is 01:21:22 just grants the visitor the right in her cabin check, or her little chicken place. Unlike many mythical witches and evil creatures, Bobby Yaga does not go out of her way to hunt for prey. It's like a spider. She's got a little web. She just sits back and waits for somebody to come in,

Starting point is 01:21:35 you know, to her. And the legends say this happens quite often. Not sure why. So when people are wandering into the worst part of the woods back then, but whatever. When someone enters her home, she will ask them, you know, if someone sent them there, if they come with their own free will, the answer to this seemingly innocent question,

Starting point is 01:21:49 can make or break a person's future. She's able to disguise her layer through a very real mystical enchantment, making the sinister appearance give way to a comfortable and inviting home. So I guess, you know, that makes more sense, white, maybe want to go inside. She can make it look nice if she wants to. Visitors who enter the hut willingly or otherwise deceived generally are destined to end up in her oven. These unhappy ones can be attacked by surprise simply shoved into the oven knocked out

Starting point is 01:22:12 unconscious by being given some kind of potion or being enchanted into sleep when she seduces them in her witch bed. When she takes the form of that hot young thing, maybe she does some kinky stuff with the broom handle, you know covered in witches brew just to, just to, you know, get him excited. Hey, I love to faint. Some legends mention that she has servants or minions to protect her hut. One is a large and ferocious hunt and dog, both jangles. Did you used to hang out, Bobby?

Starting point is 01:22:35 There can be a black cat with extremely evil green eyes, witches love cats. Another minion can be a kind of tree fed with blood that grows in front of the house. It was branches extend like tentacles fed with blood. That's how you know something, Ziva, I guess, when it's fed with blood. There's other creatures that pop up in other stories. These creatures are created magically, therefore endowed with intelligence, obeying her murderous orders usually. Sometimes we'll find out they do disabay her.

Starting point is 01:23:00 And some stories, they carry out tasks, extended messages, following victims, protecting the house and the absence of the witch. There's way more, the Bobby Yaga than I expected. She's a complex monster. Bobby Yaga also has some possessed hands cut off from corpses that are buried at the entrance to the witch's house that serve as guardians against invaders. It's like a weird security force.

Starting point is 01:23:18 When someone tries to make their way into the Yaga's home, someone uninvited, these hands can pop out of the ground and grab their feet and ankles. All this is starting to sound like a Bruce Campbell movie. Sounds a lot like Ash Williams, you know. You should be fighting these cabbage creatures and army of darkness. This is my boom stick. Bobby Yaga, obviously very powerful.

Starting point is 01:23:39 Some stories she's able to rule even the natural elements, like an X-man type, you know, characters. She can summon three horsemen, the white horsemen of the first light of dawn, the red horsemen who represents the rising sun, the black horsemen of nightfall, who appears around midnight. Bobby Yaga calls these elements her faithful servants. Some stories say Bobby Yaga is the devil's own grandmother, which means at some point somebody had sex with her, you know, as we learned in the Greek mythology, but she probably took the form of the nice lady.

Starting point is 01:24:08 Yeah, Greek was probably probably Zeus. I'm guessing Zeus. Zeus and Bobby Yaga made the devil. Right, that did with fuck anything. She wouldn't even have to change forms for him. Um, some Slavic tales just Bobby Yaga's layer in the woods was much more than merely a home where she murdered children. In fact, it served as her guard post where she guarded a portal between the lands of the living and the dead. And uh, and that's where she murdered children. In fact, it served as her guard post where she guarded a portal between the lands of the living and the dead. And that's where she ate kids. All right.

Starting point is 01:24:30 So I guess, you know, maybe that's why she did. Keeping an eye on such a portal, probably exhausting. It really works up an appetite. It's believed that without Baba Yaga standing guard, the gates between both worlds would be easily breached. Right. The dead would show up in the land of the living. Perhaps the old witch's occasional human meals were sacrifices to keep the dead would show up in the land of the living. Perhaps the old witch is occasionally human meals

Starting point is 01:24:45 were sacrifices to keep the dead at bay, or maybe she just loved kid meat. Some tales, Bobbiaga seems to only eat the wicked. She can be a harsh judge who wants character, but if you pass, sometimes she lets you go in stories when she perceives someone is having a noble character, she may let them live. And tales like this, Bobbiaga has a weakness

Starting point is 01:25:02 for allowing people to redeem themselves. She'll set them about tasks, and if they complete them, she'll let them free. You know, other stories, potential victims who couldn't perform every task can earn their freedom just by figuring out how to escape. We'll tell some of these stories here in a bit, despite all of her powers, it is possible to beat her.

Starting point is 01:25:20 Kindness and being pure of heart seems to give someone their best odds of beating Bobby Yaga. Also, this complex kind of confusing lady sometimes even helps heroes from time to time, especially if they've suffered injustices or persecution. It's hard to nail down Bobby Yaga. She's moody. Sometimes she helps you. Sometimes eat your kids.

Starting point is 01:25:36 And the legends where she's helpful, she usually offers some talisman, amulet or miraculous spell to the hero to protect them on their quest. Now that we know a lot of the Bobby Yaga basics, let's look into two folk lore stories she actually appears in. We will start off with a bigger one. We will start off with Vasellisa the beautiful, the most famous of all the Bobby Yaga tales. We met Vasellisa sometimes Vasellisa the wise earlier

Starting point is 01:25:58 when she'd been turned into a frog. So we'll just summarize this one. And oh yeah, so we're actually three. So I'll summarize this one. And then I got two full Bobby Yaga tails you after this in this story Vasile says a Cinderella type character with a magical doll her mother died her father remarried a horrible woman with equally unkind daughters When Vasile says father goes away for a trip the new stepmother sells their house Oh, man, she's not eat

Starting point is 01:26:24 Moves her in the three girls to a cottage in the woods, giving the daughters impossible tasks complete by candlelight. It is when Vasalisa ventures out of the house at the demands of her step sisters to find more light, the gene counters Baba Yaga. The witch goddess then presents numerous difficult chores to Vasalisa in exchange for a fire to take back to her household. With eight of the doll, Vasalisa completes all the tasks is given a fire and a skull lantern, upon returning home, the magic fire incinerates her stepmother and shitty steps, and fucking burns them alive.

Starting point is 01:26:52 I'll teach them not to be dicks. And inevitably, Vasilisa's story ends on a happy note. She gets married to the Tsar of Russia. So Bobby Yaga acts as both an obstacle for Vasilisa as well as her savior in this tale. Without the magic lantern, Bobby Yaga gives her Vasilisa would have never been free of her cruel step family. However, the way in which Bobby Yaga frees her is pretty violent. You know, we really didn't hurt a dangerous woman.

Starting point is 01:27:15 She's not a Disney-style fairy godmother. You know, she has a stepmom and stepsister that's burned alive. Okay, now let's read the first of two famous Bobby Yaga stories in full. A big one, little one. First one's called Baba Yaga and the girl with a kind heart. Once upon a time an old man, a widower, lived alone in a hut with his daughter Natasha. Very married the two of them were together. And they used to smile at each other, sorry, and they used to smile at each other over

Starting point is 01:27:43 a table piled with bread and jam and played peekaboo. First this side of the Samovar, and then that, everything went well until the old man took it into his head to marry again. And a Samovar by the way is like a Russian teapot, if you're as confused as I was when you heard that word. So the little girl gained a stepmother. After that evening, after that everything changed. No more bread and jam on the table,

Starting point is 01:28:06 no more plain peekaboo around the Samovar, as the girl sat with her father at tea. It was even worse than that, because she was never allowed to sit at all anymore. The stepmother said that little girl shouldn't have tea, much less eat bread with jam. She would throw the girl across the bread and tell her to get out of the hut and go find some place to eat it. Then the stepmother would sit with her husband and tell him everything that went wrong and that was the girl's fault. And the old man believed his new wife. So more stepmom's slandering, poor stepmoms, man, they're always basically just continually getting slandered in folklore. Always wicked, always evil, I can't think of a single, and then the awesome stepmom showed up and made everything better. Who knows the awesome stepmom showed up and made everything better.

Starting point is 01:28:45 Who knows the awesome stepmom is out there in the world like my wife Lindsey man, not all wicked. And I got shit on a lot of these old stories. So Natasha now is a shitty stepmom and life with dad is terrible back to the story. Therefore poor Natasha would go by herself into the shed in the yard with the dry crust her tears, and eat it all by herself. Then she would hear the stepmother yelling at her to come in and wash up the tea things, tidy the house, and brush the floor, and clean everybody's muddy boots. One day the stepmother decided she could not bear the sight of Natasha one minute longer. But how could she rid of her? How could she get rid of her for good? Then she remembered her sister, the terrible witch Baba Yaga, the bony-legged one who lived in the forest, and a wicked plan began to form in her head.

Starting point is 01:29:29 Alright, well, of course she's an evil stepmom, she's Baba Yaga's sister. The very next morning, the old man went off to pay a visit to some friends of his in the next village. As soon as the old man was out of sight, the wicked stepmother called for Natasha. "'You are to go today to my sister, your dear little aunt, who lives in the forest, said she, and asked her for a needle in thread to mend a shirt. But here is a needle in thread," said Natasha, trembling, for she knew that her aunt was Baba Yaga at the witch, and that any child who came near her was never seen again. Hold your tongue, snapped a stepmother, and she nashed her teeth, which made a noise like

Starting point is 01:30:03 clattering tongs. Didn't I tell you that you are to go to your dear little aunt in the forest to ask for tongue snapped a stepmother, and she gnashed her teeth, which made a noise like clattering tongs. Didn't I tell you that you were to go to your dear little aunt in the forest to ask for needle and thread to mend a shirt? Well, well then, said Natasha Trembling, how shall I find her? She had heard that Baba Yaga chased her victims through the air in a giant mortar and pestle, and she had iron teeth, which she ate children. The stepmother took a hold of the little girl's nose and pinched it.

Starting point is 01:30:24 This is your nose, she said, can you feel it? Yes. Whispered the poor girl. You must go along the road into the forest until you come to a fallen tree, said the stepmother. Then you must turn to your left and follow your nose and you will find your auntie.

Starting point is 01:30:37 Now off with you lazy one. She shoved a curchef in the girl's hand into which she had packed a few morsels of stale bread and cheese and some scraps of meat. Okay, so she's not, listen, she's not all bad. Maybe the nose thing was a bit much. Maybe standing in her to her death is a bit much, but she did give this kid some scraps of meat.

Starting point is 01:30:53 I mean, you know, better than no meat. Natasha looked back. There stood the stepmother at the door with her arms crossed, glaring at her. She could do nothing but to go straight on. She walked along the road to the forest till she came to the fallen tree Then she turned to the left her nose was still hurting with a stepmother had pinched where her stepmother had pinched it So she knew she had to go on straight ahead Finally she came to the hut of Baba Yaga the bony legged one the witch

Starting point is 01:31:16 Around the hut was a high fence when she pushed the gates open they squeaked miserably as if it hurt them to move Natasha noticed a rusty oil can on the ground. How lucky, she said. Noticing that there was some oil left in the can, and she poured the remaining drops of oil into the hinges of the gates. Inside the gates was Baba Yaga's hut. It wasn't like any other hut she'd ever seen, Ford stood on giant hens legs and walked about the yard. That would definitely stand out. Yeah, there's something different about this house. What is it? I think it was the chicken legs that was walking around on. In Natasha approached, the house turned around to face her and it seemed that his front windows were eyes and his front door

Starting point is 01:31:55 mouth. A servant of Bobby August was standing in the yard. She was crying bitterly because of the task Bobby August said her to do and was wiping her eyes on her petty coat. How lucky said Natasha that I have a handkerchief. She enthied her kachief, shook it clean, and carefully put the morsels of food in her pockets. She gave the handkerchief to Bobby Yaga servants who wiped her eyes on it and smiled to her tears. By the hut was a huge dog, very thin, nigh, and an old bone. How lucky said the little girl that I had some bread and meat, reached into her pocket for her scraps of meat and bread Natasha said to the dog. I'm afraid it's rather stale

Starting point is 01:32:28 But it's better than nothing. I'm sure and the dog gobbled it up at once and licked his lips Natasha reached the door to the hut trembling. She tapped on the door. Come in Squeak the wicked voice of Bobby Yaga The little girl stepped in there sat Bobby Yaga the bony leggedgged one, the witch, sitting, weaving at a loom, in the corner of the hut with a thin black cat watching a mousehole. "'Good day to you, Auntie,' said Natasha, trying not to sound afraid. "'Good day to you, niece,' said Baba Yaga. My stepmother sent me to ask you for a needle in thread to mend a shirt. "'Has she now?' smiled Baba Yaga flashing her iron teeth, for she knew how much her sister

Starting point is 01:33:05 hated her stepdaughter. You sit down here at the loom and go on with my weaving while I go and fetch you the needle in thread. The little girl sat down at the loom and began to weave, Baba Yaga whispered to her servant, listened to me, make the bass very hot and scrub my niece, scrub her clean. I'll make a dainty meal of her I will. Oh man, that's how Bobby Yago is about to re-water for being nice to the dog. That's how she was nice to good characters. She just

Starting point is 01:33:30 wants to eat her. The servant came in for the jug to gather the bath water. Natasha said, I beg you, please be not too quick in making the fire. And please carry the water for the bath and a sieve with holes so that the water will run through. The servant said nothing. But indeed, she took a very long time about getting the bath ready. Bobby Yaga came to the window and said in her sweetest voice, are you weaving little niece? Are you weaving my pretty?

Starting point is 01:33:53 I am weaving auntie, said Natasha. When Bobby Yaga went away from the window, the little girl spoke to the thin black cat who was watching the mouse hole. What are you doing? Watching for a mouse, said the thin black cat. I haven't had dinner in three days. How lucky, said Natasha, that I have some cheese left.

Starting point is 01:34:09 And she gave her cheese to the thin black cat who gobbled it up. Said the cat, little girl, do you want to get out of here? Oh, cat can deer, said Natasha. How I want to get out of here for I fear that Bobby Yaga will try to eat me with her iron teeth. That is exactly what she intends to do, said the cat, but I know how to help you. Now, how great is the name Catkin, by the way? It's a solid cat named Catkin.

Starting point is 01:34:30 Just then Bobby Yaga came to the window, are you weaving the trunees, she asked, are you weaving my pretty? I am weaving auntie, said Natasha, working away with the loom, went clickety-clack, clickety-clack. Bobby Yaga went out again and probably grabbed some vegetables. That would go well with Natasha now.

Starting point is 01:34:46 Another great name, by the way. I love the name Natasha. One of my favorite women's names. The thin black cat whispered in Natasha. There was a comb on the sewer, and there was a towel brought for your bath. You must take them both and run for it. Well, Bobby Yaga is still in the bathhouse.

Starting point is 01:35:00 Bobby Yaga will chase you. When she does, you must throw the towel behind you, and it will turn into a big wide river. It will take you a little time to get over that. When she gets over the river, you must throw the comb behind you. The comb will spout up into such a forest that she will never get through it at all.

Starting point is 01:35:15 I feel like you can just, you know, maybe throw the comb first, but okay, whatever. But you'll hear the loom stop said Natasha. And she'll know I've gone. Don't worry, I'll take care of that. Said the thin black cat. The cat took Natasha's place at the loom. Look at Catkin. Oh, all clickety-clackin now. Well, fancy asshole, a healthy Helberton. Cat here she is. Clickety-clack. Clickety-clack. The loom never stopped for a moment. Natasha looked to see that Bobby Yago was still in the bathhouse and then she

Starting point is 01:35:38 jumped out of the hut. The big dog leapt to tear her to pieces just as he was going to spring on her. He saw who she was. Why, this is the little girl who gave me the bread and meat," said the dog. A good journey to you, little girl. And he lay down with his head between his paws. She petted his head and scratched his ears. When she came to the gates, they opened quietly, quietly, without making any noise at all because of the oil she had poured into their hinges before. Then how she did run. Meanwhile, the thin black cat sat at the loom. Clickety-clack, clickety-clack, saying the loom. You never saw such a tangle of yarn as the tangle made by that thin black cat. Presently Bobby Yaga came to the window.

Starting point is 01:36:12 Are you weaving my little niece? She asked, are you weaving my pretty? I'm weaving auntie, said the thin black cat, tangling and tangling the yarn with a loom went clickety-clack, clickety-clack. That's not the voice of my little dinner said, Bobbiaga, and she jumped into the hut, gnashing her iron teeth. There at the loom was no little girl, but only the thin black cat, Tangling and Tangling the threads.

Starting point is 01:36:32 Gah! Said, Bobbiaga, and she jumped at the cat. Why didn't you scratch the little girl's eyes out? The cat curled up its tail and arched its back in all the years that I have served you. You'd give me only water and made me hunt for my dinner. That girl gave me real cheese. Nice cat. Can you tell that bitch what's up? Bobby Yaga was in rage. She grabbed the cat and shook her, turning to the servant girl,

Starting point is 01:36:52 and gripping her by the collar, she croaked. Why did you take so long to prepare the bath? Ah, trembled the servant. And all the years that I've served you, you have never so much has given me even a rag. But that girl gave me a pretty kacheef. Everyone turning on the Yaga. Bobby Yaga cursed her and dashed out into the yard, seeing the gates wide open. She said, Gates, why didn't you squeak when she opened you? Ah, said the gates. And all the years that we've served you, you never

Starting point is 01:37:16 so much have sprinkled a drop of oil on us. And we could hardly stand the sound of our own creaking. I get it. I can mace a phone. I don't like a creak either. But the girl oiled us and we can now swing back and forth without a sound. Bobby Yaga slammed the gates closed, spinning around. She pointed her long finger at the dog. You, she hollered. Why didn't you tear her to pieces when she ran out of the house? Ah, said the dog. And all the years that I've served you, you never threw me anything but old bone crust. But that girl gave me real meat and bread. Bobby Yaga rushed about the yard cursing and hitting them all while screaming to the top of her voice.

Starting point is 01:37:48 I think I'm getting one of the lessons this tale. Man, don't treat those around you like shit. If you expect loyalty from them later, what goes around comes around kind of lesson. Then Baba jumped into a giant mortar, beating the mortar with a giant pestle to make it go faster. She flew into the air, quickly closing in on the fleeing Natasha. Okay, no broom in the story flying to the air and that bowl of hers. Okay. For there on the ground far ahead, she soon spied the girl running to the trees, stumbling fearfully

Starting point is 01:38:11 looking over her shoulder. You'll never escape me. Bobby Yaga laughed at terribleing on the ground behind her. Desperately she remembered the thin black cat's words and through the towel behind her on the ground. The towel grew bigger and bigger and wetter and wetter and soon a deep broad river stood between the little girl and Bobby Yaga. Natoche had turned and ran on. Oh, how she ran. When Bobby Yaga reached the edge of the river, she screamed louder than ever. Through her pestle on the ground, she knew she couldn't fly over and enchanted river. Okay, that's good. I was wondering why she didn't fly over. I'm like, come on.

Starting point is 01:38:50 But she couldn't. You know why? Magic. In a rage, she flew back on her hut on her hands legs, and she gathered all her cows and drove them to the river. Drink, drink! She screamed at them, and the cows drank up all the river to the last drop. Then Bobbiaga hopped into her giant mortar and flew over the dry bed of the river to pursue her prey

Starting point is 01:39:08 Natasha had run on quite a distance ahead and in fact she thought she might at last be free of the terrible Baba Yaga But her heart froze in terror when she saw the dark figure in the sky speeding toward her again This is the end for me. She dispared then she suddenly remembered what the cat had said about the comb How could you forget the fucking comb? Well, that's the most important thing to remember. To not die is throw the comb down. Come on, come on, Natasha. Natasha threw the comb behind her.

Starting point is 01:39:31 The comb grew bigger and bigger. Its teeth sprouted up into a thick forest, so thick that not even Papa Yaga could force away through it. And Papa Yaga, the witch, the bony, legged one, gnashing her teeth and screaming with rage and disappointment finally turned around and drove away back to a little hut on Hen's legs. The tired, tired girl finally arrived back home.

Starting point is 01:39:49 She was afraid to go inside and see her mean stepmother so instead she waited outside in the shed. When she saw her father pass by she ran out to him. Where have you been? Cryed her father. And why is your face so red? Stepmother turned yellow when she saw the girl and her eyes glowed and her teeth ground together until they broke.

Starting point is 01:40:06 Ooh, that's an intense grinding. She must have had some brittle ass, ancient pre-toothpaste time teeth. When Natasha was not afraid and she went to her father and climbed on his knee and told him everything just as it had happened. When the old man learned that the stepmother had sent his daughter to be eaten by Bobby Yaga at the witch, he was so angry that he drove her out of the hut and never let her return. Yeah, there you go.

Starting point is 01:40:25 Good job, dad. Then your kid off to be eaten. That's definitely, uh, unforgettable. That's definitely grounds for divorce. From then on, he took care of his daughter, himself, and never again let a stranger come between them over a table piled high with bread and jam, father and daughter. Would again play peekaboo back and forth from behind the Samovar and the two of them lives happily ever after.

Starting point is 01:40:46 Okay, I like that one. I wasn't entertaining old Russian tail with a happy ending didn't expect that. I thought it was as good as gone from over there. Think I think I've rolled catkin, praise be to catkin. And Bobby Yaga made a real piece of work. Definitely not some sweet crunchy hippie helping with the harvest in that tail. Not some nature goddess. Nope, just a straight up monstrous kid eater. Definitely not some sweet crunchy hippie helping with the harvest in that tail. Uh-uh, not some nature goddess.

Starting point is 01:41:05 Nope, just a straight up monstrous kid eater. Now let's tell one final, commonly told Baba Yaga story. It's pretty short. It's called Baba Yaga and the wicked geese. Once upon a time, they lived a man and his wife. They had a daughter and a little son. One day, the mother said to her daughter, darling, your father and I are going to work.

Starting point is 01:41:25 Take care of your brother, keep an eye on him, and don't leave the house. Be a good girl, and we will bring you a present. Oh, okay, all right? Just like the last story starts pretty positive. After parents left the house, the girl forgot her mother's instructions and left her little brother in the garden of the house

Starting point is 01:41:41 so she could play with her friends. While the girl was enjoying herself, Baba Yaga's wicked geese swooped down and stole her little brother out of the garden of the house so she could play with her friends. While the girl was enjoying herself, Baba Yaga's wicked geese swooped down and stole her little brother out of the garden. The poor girl returned home only to discover that her brother was gone. She wept bitterly, calling for her baby brother. You fucking blew it, kid!

Starting point is 01:41:55 You had one job! You're worse than Natasha, almost freeing about the comb. As she was crying, she saw the wicked geese in the sky. The girl figured out that they might have been the ones who would kidnap her brother She suddenly remembered that people always were concerned about Baba Yaga's geese frequently kidnapped being the little children To bring them to Baba Yaga for her teeth him. Jesus Christ kid Now you remember this

Starting point is 01:42:18 You live in an area where evil geese are frequently Taking kids to Baba Yaga to literally eat. And you just fuck around and go play with your friends, leave your baby brother in the art. Puh, kids. She ran after them, desperately trying to catch up with them when she saw the stove. The girl asked if it had seen the Bobby Yaga's geese

Starting point is 01:42:36 and asked her to show her in what direction they had flown. But the stove answered, eat my rye patty and I will show you the direction. And the girl replied, I won't eat your rye patty's. I don you the direction and the girl replied I won't eat your rye patties. I don't even eat wheat patties at home. Since the girl was so rude to stovet not her show show her the direction. Well that was an unexpected twist. A, right, that a talking stov would show up out of nowhere and B, that she would be a dick to a talking stov and not eat a little fucking bread, you know, whatever, to get a clue for finding baby boy.

Starting point is 01:43:06 The girl kept on running and as soon as she saw an apple tree, she asked if it had seen what direction the geese had flown. The apple tree answered, eat my wild forest apple and I will show you. And the girl responded rudely, I won't eat your wild apple, I don't even eat good apples from my father's garden. The apple tree didn't answer her, didn't show her the direction. You know what, I want to fucking punch this kid in the face. I hope Bobby Yaga eats her. I really do. The girl ran and ran and the last she saw a milk river with Kissel,

Starting point is 01:43:34 which is kind of a sweet starch jelly. Kissel banks. The girl asked, milk river or Kissel banks, could you tell me in what direction Bobby Yaga's geese have flown carrying my poor little brother, and the milk river replied, eat my milk K milk kissle and I will show you the direction and the girl responded I don't even eat cream at home Cook her up Baba get the fucking oven going

Starting point is 01:43:55 She's doing a shit job Finding baby boy being a dick every magic thing she talks is trying to help her The girl then ran in force and feels in an evening She saw a little hut that stood on chicken legs and turned itself around. Her little baby brother sat on the bench and played with silver apples. And the hut old Bobby Yaga was spinning her yarn. And the girl said,

Starting point is 01:44:14 Bobby Yaga let me rest and warn myself. Take the spindle and spin Bobby Yaga replied. After Bobby Yaga had left the room, the girl saw a little gray mouse. Give me some grain, and I will give you a good piece of advice at the little mouse. And the girl, finally, not being a dick, gave it some grain. Shocked.

Starting point is 01:44:31 I was surprised she didn't say, I don't even give the mice at my home grain, and they're cooler mice than you. The mouse continued, Bobby Yaga has gone to take a stove, or to stoke a stove. She is going to wash you, then she is intending to roast you in the stove and eat you. Take your little brother and run. I will spin instead of you. Kind of similar to the other story.

Starting point is 01:44:51 The girl was very frightened. Naturally followed the mouse's advice. She took her little brother and ran. What's with the weird washing by the way? In both stories, right? Bobby wants to wash these kids before she kills him. All right, I feel like he can do afterwards, but whatever.

Starting point is 01:45:04 Bobby Yaga then asked the girl Spaniard and the mouse answered that she did. When Bobby Yaga returned and found that the girl and her little brother disappeared, she ordered Bobby Yaga's geese flying catch that sister and her brother. Man, she's constantly being betrayed by our minions. The girl and her little brother reached the milk river and noticed that Bobby Yaga's geese, who I guess were loyal, were in pursuit of them. Dear milk river, please hide us the girl and treat it. Eat my kisel and and then the children ate kissle, and the milk river hid them under its kissle banks.

Starting point is 01:45:29 Oh, oh, so now you eat the kissle. She's lucky old milk river didn't tell her to eat its ass, you know? Bobby Yaga's geese didn't find them, and the children went on running, but soon they noticed that Bobby Yaga's geese spotted them again, and were in a hot pursuit. Now they saw the apple tree, and the girl begged, dear apple tree, please hide us, eat my wild forest apples. Said the tree and the children ate the apples and thanked the apple tree. The apple tree covered them with

Starting point is 01:45:53 this branches and Bobby Yaga's geese didn't notice them. It's getting a lot of second chances in this tale. I'm not sure what the lesson is here, right? Just go ahead and be dicks to whoever you want. Because later if you need their help, I'll fucking forgive you. Your own or brother continue running at this time. When they saw Baba guys geese, again the children nearly got caught. Fortunately at the right moment the children saw the stove and cried stove, please hide us. And the stove said, eat a dick, you up,

Starting point is 01:46:16 what you bitch. And then the geese caught both kids, took them back to Baba's chicken hut, scrub them down like Mama Ridgeway would, and ate them both. The end. Uh, no. Uh, the stove said, eat my rye patty.

Starting point is 01:46:28 And the children ate the patties and hid themselves inside the stove. Bobbys' yoghurt's geese could not catch the sister and her brother and they flew away. The children thanked the stove and ran home. At that exact moment, the children returned home and their parents came home from work. They praised their daughter for taking good care of their brother. They never found out what happened to them because the girl vowed not to worry her parents with the events that happened that day. She also learned to listen to her parents, not to be naughty and feisty and to have respect for others. And that's the tale of Bobby Yaga in the wicked

Starting point is 01:46:54 geese. All right. Okay. So I guess she learned something moving forward. I don't know though. It sounds like she probably got a present too, even though she's, you know, kind of shitty for most of that story. Alright, I guess you did find Baby Bro. And that's Bobby Yaga, a random Russian folklore legend that honestly I was worried about making a fun episode out of when the spaces were voted it in, but I had a lot of fun today and I hope you did too. The legend of Bobby Yaga is still very much alive in many Slavic nations today, still inspiring

Starting point is 01:47:20 modern artists. Bobby Yaga, a favorite subject of Russian films and cartoons, the animated film Bartok, the magnificent features Bobby Yaga as the main character. The 1939 film Vasily said the beautiful by Alexander Rue, features Bobby Yaga. That was the first large budget feature in the Soviet Union to use fantasy elements as opposed

Starting point is 01:47:40 to a realistic style long-favored politically. In this movie, Bobby is portrayed as a cruel exploiter of her animal servants, so, you know, portrayed accurately. A lot of Russian music has been inspired by Baba Yaga as well. 19th century Russian composer, Modest, most, Moserskis,

Starting point is 01:47:59 1874 piano suite pictures at an exhibition's ninth movement is called the Hut on Fowls Lakes Inspired by a painting of Bobby Yaga's Hut Additionally British Prague rockers Emerson Lake and Palmer's live 1972 album called pictures at an exhibition based on the Moserskis piece contains two songs about Bobby Yaga the Hut of Bobby Yaga and the Curse of Bobby Yaga It's mostly long form experimental rock, but there are a few lyrics. Doubles faces, dark defense, talked too loud, but talked no sense.

Starting point is 01:48:30 Yeah, I see those smiling eyes, butter us up with smiling lies. Talk to creatures, raise the dead, fate you know sure got fed, trained apart from House of Stone, hour of horses picked the boat. I, you know, come on, nonsensical, whatever. It's okay, you know, it's no witcher.

Starting point is 01:48:47 Toss a coin to your witcher. Oh, valley of plenty. Oh, valley of plenty. Oh, oh, Toss a coin to your witcher. Oh, valley of plenty. Just what he thought it was over. You've been McDonald in the past. Now you've been wichored. That's last one. Other musicians of song, a range composition about Bobby Yugge over the years. He continues to show up in the written page. She's the primary antagonist and the fantasy novel enchantment by Orson Scott Card. She appears in the short story Joseph and Kaza by Noble Prize winning writer Isaac Achiva Singer, uh, regularly featured in stories in Jack and Jill popular children's magazine. She's made her way into the screen and the 2001 Japanese animated film Spirit of the Way, the Witch Spa Keeper, Yubaba, based on legends of Baba Yaga.

Starting point is 01:49:38 Uh, Canoe Reeves character in the John Wick franchise is even referred to in a scene as Baba Yaga, in the sense of being a Russian boogie man. Baba Yaga is a character in the sense of being a Russian boogeyman. Bob Iyaga is a character in the Dark Horse comic Hellboy. The Hellboy, she's in league with fellow Russian fairy tale characters, right? Koshade the Deathless, Vasilece the Beautiful, the great Slavic Thunder God Perune, as well as a real historical figure, previous topic on time, so Gregory Rasputin. Bob Iyaga appears in at least two vertigo comic book series, Sandman Issue,

Starting point is 01:50:05 The Hunt, and has been a recurring character in Fables, and I forgot that I saw her there. I totally remember her now, because I've read almost every issue of Fables, except for maybe like the last two kind of, you know, little books, you know, collections of issues. And Fables is an amazing series if you ever get the chance. If you love comics, love love folklore you probably already read it If you haven't you're in for a treat so many issues so well written so smart She can be found in the Marvel universe as well She makes appearances and Dungeons and Dragons, you know the role-playing game

Starting point is 01:50:35 She also appears at a number of video games including the popular rise of the Tomb Raider Bobby Yaga temple of the witch So partially because of the kind of confusing elusive nature of her character, Baba Yaga remains an intriguing, mystical individual. She eats kids, has a moving house that sits on magical chicken legs. Not a great lady, but she's interesting. She adds a level of mystery and uncertainty to each of the tales. She takes part in it. She can eat the kids, pretty high stakes, keeps the reader engaged.

Starting point is 01:51:01 Just like with the brother's grim tales, we reminded Baba Yaga stories that we meet sax, love a dark story, and have for a long time. Doesn't get much darker than eating kids, burning the staff family alive. Our love affair with horrific content like serial killers and not tragic disappearances is nothing new. And now it is time for today's top five takeaways. Time, suck, top five takeaways. Number one, Bobby Yaga is the archetype for the standard evil forest switch. Head back far enough with, you know, tails of broom ride and cat-owning and kitty and evil scary looking old ladies.

Starting point is 01:51:37 And you're probably going to make it to Bobby Yaga. Number two, Bobby Yaga is not just a character of ancient Russian folklore. She's a character of ancient Slavic folklore, which is where Russian folklore comes from. So you can find many different depictions of this witch all across Eastern Europe. Number three, her house has giant chicken legs, a skeleton fence, a rib cage arch gate, and a bunch of severed hands working security detail. Early Slavic peoples were not lacking in the imagination department. I'd love to see someone do a Bobbiaga themed Halloween house display. Number four, how about those witch broomstick

Starting point is 01:52:08 relationship origin possibilities? From sweeping away your tracks as you fly to the air to using a broom handle to stick to which is brew and one of your bad caves. I hadn't heard either of those possibilities before this week. Number five new info, let's look at five other famous fictional witches real quick. There's the McBeth witches, the wayward sisters, heck, heck, heck eight. And her two unnamed sisters, I'm probably saying that name wrong. I forgot. I was confident when I put it in my notes, now I'm like, wait, what?

Starting point is 01:52:36 It's H-E-C-A-T-E. These are the witches, the three that say by the picking of a thumb, something wicked this way comes. These three witches are in some of the most famous literary witch or some of the most famous literary witches known for giving Shakespeare's Macbeth his prophecies. Like the Greek Fates, the trio speaks the mysterious phrases. They can see the future of men who encounter them. Several lines these three witches have in the Scottish player now famously associated with

Starting point is 01:52:59 witchcraft such as double, double, toil and trouble. There's a Melisandre on Game of Thrones, another now famous witch, Hail Luciferina. Melisandre is pretty hot. The red priest is famously known for her love of burning people at the stake, guarding of the load of light. She's the Baba Yaga of the Game of Thrones, the tractor version. And I won't say anymore the next, I don't want to spoil it for those who haven't seen that show Number three, Cersei not from Game of Thrones Cersei another famous witch Cersei the Greek goddess of sorcery she could change humans into wolves or pigs simply by taking drugs or reciting incantations

Starting point is 01:53:36 Said to be the daughter of Helios the Sun God main character in a home was the Odyssey She was one of the main characters. There's the witch from the brother's grims. Brother Grim, God damn it, brother's Grim, fairy tale, Hansel and Gretel. And the brother's Grim story where Hanson and Gretel's family experience a famine, the evil stepmother, always evil stepmother, convinced it's her nice,

Starting point is 01:53:57 but misguided and frankly, pretty dumb husband to abandon his children in the woods. And through a series of twists and turns, the tikes come across to cottage, built at a gingerbread in candy. They greedily began to eat it and tell a witch opens the door and lures them inside with a promise of more sweets, turns out this witch is the very worst kind. The Bobby Yaga types who eats kids. She's eventually burned to death in the oven by Gretel. And then there's perhaps the most famous witch in the US culture

Starting point is 01:54:20 at least in Western culture, I'd probably say, the wicked witch of the West from the Wizard of Oz, flying monkeys. I'll get you my pretty. Oh, that's shit. Green skin, long, wart-covered nose, big hat and broom. Basically, the look that all kids on Halloween have copied for nearly a century now. The movie came out in 1939, based on a book published in 1900. About as iconic as it gets when it comes to witches. And while she may not have wanted to eat Dorothy, she definitely wanted her to dead,

Starting point is 01:54:47 wanted her dead. So very Bobbi Yaga. Time suck, tough, five take away. Bobbi Yaga sucked. Another folklore chapter written in the book of Time Suck. Hail, Memurat. Thank you to the Time Suck team. Queen of the Suck Lindsey Kalman's high priest of the Suck Harmony Village camp.

Starting point is 01:55:04 Reverend Dr. Paisley, the Bidelix or apt design crew Logan and Kated spicy club running bad magic merch.com and the script keeper Zach Flannery Thank you to the all-seeing eyes of the cult helping Liz Hernandez run the cult of the curious Facebook group. Thank you Liz Thanks to a beef steak for being such a welcoming ambassador over on the time stock discord channel. You can access via the time stock app. Next week on time stock, we go old timey true crime, John Dillinger, prohibition and great depression era American gangster leader of the so called terror gang. The FBI was partially formed and response this one man's to this one man's criminal activities. Born in Indianapolis, he grew up to raise hell. He robbed over 20 banks of gunpoint, escaped from jail twice.

Starting point is 01:55:50 After Al Capone's capture and incarceration, Dillinger became America's public enemy number one. A lot of old-time against the talk coming for you, Bubs and Bear Cats and Bimbo's next week. Time suckered updates right now. See you here. Let's get to those time soccer updates. Updates. Get your time, sucker updates. First up, we got a funny message coming in from a terrific time, sucker. John D. Regarding last week's fake sponsor.

Starting point is 01:56:17 Pussyplar. John writes, Hail, master sucker, writing you from the home of the Lemurians, Crystal Clank, and Rock, stacking seasonalen, Seasonal, New Age, Drumbeat, and Hippie Folk, Mount Shasta. Bit of fan before you started the podcast, after you mentioned it at the Tacoma Comedy Club, I've been hooked. I work in fire and during,

Starting point is 01:56:35 or sometimes long drives to wildfires throughout our beautiful nation, your voice and stories, bless our earholes with pure time sucker knowledge. Thank you. I had to write in due to the baby CPR on the Nation of Yahweh episode. A hilarious, I also wanted to put more

Starting point is 01:56:48 vagina inflation information. Nice, and time suckers brains. Per urban dictionary, there was another name for this called the beaver call. I've never heard of this. Definition, the act of taking a deep breath and blowing it into the vagina during oral sex, then release the sound created mimics, mimics the quave, but Trump's sitting compares and used in a sense, you might see like this, Adrian woke up the entire house

Starting point is 01:57:16 performing the beaver call on his old lady last night. Hope this makes you and the time suckers laugh. Long live the suck, John. It does because I'm internally junior high kid in part of my brain. Thank you, John. Silly shit. Thanks for filling my head.

Starting point is 01:57:30 And now many others with such ridiculousness. Hail Nimrod, you wonderful weirdo. Say hi to those Lemurians for me. Top shelf meets at Kelly. Alerts us to a possible future, Yahweh, Ben Yahweh, type person with this next message I found very interesting. Kelly writes, hi Dan, I just finished listening to your most with this next message I found very interesting. Kelly writes, First, super nice guy met him rock climbing. He was Christian, seemed very accepting of everyone

Starting point is 01:58:05 and everyone's religions. We would smoke pot and rock climb. I know, sounds like a really stupid combo and for sure is, but I was young and reckless. He was never shy about sharing his ideals. They didn't seem too aggressive at the time, but then he changed. I moved to Boston, apparently so did he to become a reverent.

Starting point is 01:58:20 His Facebook post got crazier and crazier. He began claiming to be a gifted healer from God, and the technology was the devil trying to control us. Now suddenly all, I love these posts in that on Facebook, get off technology. Now suddenly all other beliefs were sinful. Even a lot of Christian-based religions were just devil worship to him. Most of the comments under his Facebook post were like, dude, you're nuts. But some people thought he was a godsend.

Starting point is 01:58:43 Then he would eventually have gatherings with people to deliver sermons. And this was towards the end of my contact with him. He saw that I was also in Boston and he sent me a message. I was explaining my own beliefs while he was trying to push his on me. And then he goes, all caps,

Starting point is 01:58:56 I now know without a doubt in my mind that God has sent you to me so I can save your soul. We were meant to reconnect. Now I'm kinda like yikes. He goes on to tell me that we had, that he had a dream where God told him that Nicki Minaj was actually the devil.

Starting point is 01:59:12 All female pop and hip hop stars were apparently evil. They were trying to tempt him. It's not like he's just horny or Nicki Minaj. And it was his job to save people from these evil temptresses. He said that he touched his dad and it cured his dad's cancer. He invited me to one of his gatherings. Let me tell you, I avoided all climbing gyms where he lived because I didn't want to run into this guy.

Starting point is 01:59:32 He started out as kind of a hippie, boy band looking kid, transformed into some kind of wacky doodle, she fighting, you know, she devil fighting Jesus Wizard. He is as far as I know now off social media. Don't know what he's up to now, but I'm fairly certain he'll become a future suck subject someday from one of them lesbian, she devils Kelly. Well, Kelly, I'm glad you wrote in because your old friend and I wanted to talk to you, okay?

Starting point is 01:59:55 Katie Perry is the devil now, not Nicki Minaj, Kelly. And if you don't see that, well, I guess your eyes are glued shut, he is in wake up. No, thanks for sending that in. Yeah, these cult leaders are real people. your eyes are glued shut he's in wake up. No, thanks for sending that in. Yeah, these co-leaders are real people. And you usually start off, you know, it's somewhat normal in their younger years, humble beginnings.

Starting point is 02:00:14 We're to think about that. Think about how the person used to rock climb with might turn out to be a co-leader we're talking about here someday. And maybe take a break from social media because he realized that it was kind of hypocritical to talk about how evil technology is on Facebook all the time. Maybe he's living in the compound now.

Starting point is 02:00:31 Maybe he's gonna be the next Yahweh bin rock climber type person. Thank you for that message. Very sweet shout out now coming in from sweet sucker Alexis Nex. Right name. Alexis writes, Hey Time, so this is Alexis Nex from Gardenville, Nevada.'s, hey time, so I grew this is Alexis Nex from Gardenville, Nevada. Excuse me, Gardenerville, Nevada. I'm writing in about the most amazing husband and father

Starting point is 02:00:51 who just happens to be turning 40 on April 18th. I met my husband Phil when I was 16, and he was 17, and we have been together ever since. He moved with me to Las Vegas when I was in nursing school, helped support me mentally while I got my degree. I was a super crazy nursing student that was several hysterical cry and fits about school. When I found out I was pregnant nursing school, helped support me mentally while I got my degree. I was a super crazy nursing student that was several hysterical cry and fits about school. When I found out I was pregnant with our first child,

Starting point is 02:01:10 he packed up our things, moved us back to Gardinerville so I could be close to my parents. Three years ago, when I found out I had a chronic illness, he taught himself to cook and took over all the housework, took me to all my doctor's appointments. He still yells at me when I try to do too much, which is often, but a year ago we found out that our youngest has the same chronic illness and has been supportive and understanding of what he's going through. He said to a great example for our daughter

Starting point is 02:01:32 of how a man to treat his wife and children. He shows our son how to be supportive and strong, husband and father. We are both spaces, we love to watch, scare to death together every week. Your podcast really do bring couples together. I don't know where I would be without his strong, loving and supportive man in my life. He deserves the very best birthday gift. Happy birthday to my best friend Phil. Hail, Nimrod. Alexis next. That is so sweet. Alexis, thanks for listening to shows and thanks, thanks more for just sharing a little glimpse into your beautiful marriage. I love the best friend detail. I know it's early, but happy. Fortyth fill you fucking champion.

Starting point is 02:02:05 You young man. Don't believe the hype. Forty isn't that bad. My grandpa Ward said that a lot of being old is in people's heads and he's turned an 88 this year and he's still kicking some ass. So I'm gonna believe him. Hail Nimrod, both you two.

Starting point is 02:02:17 I hope treatment progresses for whatever you and your son are dealing with Alexis. Yeah, thanks for listening. Kick ass LDS meets Zach Kyle Dunsheen now, sending in an intertie message regarding last week's nation of Yahweh Suck. Kyle writes, what's up Dan or whoever reads this? I just listened to the last episode. Got to tell you that while serving in LDS mission in Portland, I knocked on the door of a devout Hebrew Israelite. We had a very interesting conversation sharing our beliefs. It ended when he continued to tell us that we were less than him because I was white and

Starting point is 02:02:48 my companion was Venezuela. I thought this guy would just race us one off. Didn't realize it was an actual belief system. Thanks for clearing up that encounter I had years ago. Love the suck. Thanks. Awesome, Kyle. Yeah, man, a lot of different racist ideologies out there.

Starting point is 02:03:01 Too many people just want to believe that they were born with a genetic leg up on the rest of us and usually they're fucking losers. Right, it's like, it's rarely like the valedictorian that's like, and I became a class valedictorian because I'm white or because I'm black or whatever. It's usually, you know, the kid who fucking dropped out two years before, but I'm like, I'm better than everyone.

Starting point is 02:03:23 Are you? Funny message coming in from Craig, just Christian sucker, Danita Johnson now, Danita writes, get out for New Master's Sucker, I believe this falls slightly under Cummins law, even if it does this hilarious. I'm a Christian currently in discipleship school as are my roommates.

Starting point is 02:03:40 Attempting to spread the suck as one does, I ask my roommate if she would like to listen with me. Ballsy. I chose the church of Satan because why not? Three seconds into it. Our home begins to shake. Man, a 5.9 earthquake. I laughed way too hard.

Starting point is 02:03:55 We did not listen to the episode together, LOL. I'm also here because if you can give a shout out to my boyfriend, Quinn, Devin Baugh, Spacers, who got me into your comedy, that would be great. He was one of the first 100 Spacers in a fan of your comedy since age 11. He turns 21 and May 22nd. Young man.

Starting point is 02:04:11 He's truly amazing. The best meat sack I've ever met. I had no clue people like him. I even existed before meeting him. Side note, he too has misophonia. And I apparently, I have a tendency to chew like it's my last meal and someone's trying to steal it from me.

Starting point is 02:04:23 We got to meet you at the last show in Sacramento. We had an amazing time laughing our asses off. Thanks for all you do and keep on suck. Well, thanks you, Danita. You're too sweet. And you know what? Fucking calm down on you too. All right, no one's gonna take your plate.

Starting point is 02:04:35 Right? Just, you know, just eat it a little more quietly. No, you're a brave Christian trying to spread the suck by starting off with the church of Satan suck. After the earthquake, I doubt your friend is ever going to give it a chance now. But thank you for trying. Happy upcoming birthday, Quinn. Thanks for listening to So Long, Hail Nimrod to you.

Starting point is 02:04:50 And you know what, next time you're eating with Donita, just put some music on the background. You know, right there on your phone, put on some Pandora, you know, just a little white noise. Well, can cancel out Donita's aggressive, angry chewing, and then you won't feel like throwing her play across the room. A very brief message coming in now from South Florida. South Florida funny sucker, David Cox, who writes, the Miami suburb is pronounced,

Starting point is 02:05:13 Hialia, but who gives a shit? South Florida fucking sucks. Hello from South Florida. Did I crack me up? I love that you sent that in. I've had good times in South Florida. Best Cuban sandwich I've eaten in the States. A lot of Lucifer types as well. And one more message. Truths, Seeker, Fritz Russells found a Wackadoodle in the wild. Oh my god, here's this message. Greetings, master suck. I come bearing fun news.

Starting point is 02:05:40 I have met my first ever Wackadoodle. Here in my little Texas city. They're on a lot of crazies. I have never met an anti-baxter, a David Ike fan or anyone of the sort. So when my coworker randomly asked me one day, if I was awake, I took it pretty literally and said something along the lines of, I guess I am. I mean, I suppose it could be a dream. And I love this already, Fritz. When someone asks you if you're awake with a straight face, oh, shit's going to get interesting.

Starting point is 02:06:04 And then Fritz writes, he then began to expose me to the secrets of the world about how, oh you know what, I tried to change that. I think you wrote it correctly. I'm not familiar with that, I have a cab. He began to expose it, don't I mean? Very nice. The secrets of the world about how we're constantly being controlled and surveyed. One day he claimed to have taken a picture of a spaceship that had forgotten to cloak itself.

Starting point is 02:06:26 He claims plenty of these spaceships around Earth and are constantly surveying us. He then showed me a picture of said ship. Imagine a cloud that is vaguely stingray shaped. That's exactly what he showed me. I love it. You got a jam of a coworker. You hit the fucking cowork jackpot.

Starting point is 02:06:42 You're blessed, Fritz. Oh, please keep getting more stories from this person. And then Fritz writes, another day he claimed to have taken a video of two sons and like SUN, not like kids. On one side of the sky was a setting sun, and on the other end was the, he thought there were some sun beams

Starting point is 02:06:58 of another different sun. Now, I don't know how to delicately explain to this guy how refracting of light works, so I just let it be. I didn't mind humoring him for a while, but after he tried to convince me that the government is swelling a node in your brain to control you and eating dark chocolate and drinking purified water, well, we'll help with stop swelling. I grew tired of it all. No, you gotta keep it going.

Starting point is 02:07:19 Don't get tired of it. This is great. This guy believes dark chocolate helps the government control node and your brain from swelling to control you further. This is the guy you want to, you want to write a little shit down. You can write a fucking book off this guy. One night he gestured up into the sky. It was a cloudy night, but you can see the moon shining.

Starting point is 02:07:37 You know the ring of light around the moon that appears on cloudy nights because of how light works, a halo of sorts. He told me 20 years ago there was no halo. I sarcastically asked if there were no cloudy nights 20 years ago. He told me the ring of light was caused by something behind the moon. I asked if such a thing behind the moon was shining. Couldn't we see it every night? He said it wasn't shining. It was the shadow of whatever was behind the moon that we were seen. I then asked him why a shadow was shining, as that is not typically a trait of shadows. After a brief pause, he just said, I don't know. I love it.

Starting point is 02:08:11 Ask any wacky dude enough questions about their beliefs and it is bound to end. If the conversation just doesn't stop entirely with just a, I don't know. And finally, Fritz ends with, thank you for everything you guys do. I hope you enjoyed this link to read as much as I enjoyed experiencing these weird delusions. Have a blessed day. I will have a blessed link to read as much as I enjoyed experiencing these weird delusions. Have a blessed day. I will have a blessed day, Fritz. You got better because of that story.

Starting point is 02:08:29 Thank you, my God. I hope he shared so many, don't cut him off. Don't cut him off. He's just, he's free entertainment. You have the best coworker you could possibly have. You know, whack needles, they can be dangerous, but they can also be very funny. Hail Nimrod and thank you all for your messages.

Starting point is 02:08:47 Thanks, time suckers. I need a net. We all did. Have a great week, everybody. Don't wander off into the darkest, creepiest parts of the forest this week, but if you do, definitely don't wander any homes with chicken feet for foundations with skeleton fences Run away from those as fast you can't get back home and keep on sucking And then the little boy ended up in Baba Yaga's oven

Starting point is 02:09:24 For he did not leave after the skeleton fence and the chicken feet house. He was a really smart and she cooked him up after she scrubbed him down in his clean way and all that stuff and just kind of ate him up and he was super delicious and a lot of people eat kids so half-liver after the end. One more? No, that's it. You're a fucking bed and I'll put you in the oven.

Starting point is 02:09:45 I can talk a little shit.

Timesuck with Dan Cummins - 183 - Baba Yaga: OG Witch

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