Timesuck with Dan Cummins - 226 - Shaka Zulu

Episode Date: January 11, 2021

Shaka Zulu! I'm guessing you've heard the name. Also guessing you know very little about his story. Most don't seem too. Which is a shame because it's such a great story! Shaka took the small Zulu tribe from less than 2,000 members to around 250,000 in just a dozen years. He took them from being one of many militarily inconsequential bands of Africans living in what is now South Africa to the powerful Zulu Nation - one of the mightiest African military powers on the entire continent. He was a brilliant military tactician who changed the way his people - and many other people - would fight, not only during his reign, but for long after his death. He also seems to have been a sadistic madman who did crazy things like kill thousands of people for not grieving the death of his mother hard enough. And have others killed just for getting pregnant while he grieved. His tale is a wild one. And we use it as an excuse to not just learn a lot about him, but also about the history of South Africa. So much info today - and hopefully also a lot of fun, on another historical edition of Timesuck. Watch the Suck on YouTube: https://youtu.be/0rdaS70r3jI Merch - https://badmagicmerch.com/ Discord! https://discord.gg/tqzH89v Want to join the Cult of the Curious private Facebook Group? Go directly to Facebook and search for "Cult of the Curious" in order to locate whatever current page hasn't been put in FB Jail :) For all merch related questions/problems: [e-mail] (copy and paste) Please rate and subscribe on iTunes and elsewhere and follow the suck on social media!! @timesuckpodcast on IG and http://www.facebook.com/timesuckpodcast Wanna become a Space Lizard? We're over 10,000 strong! Click here: https://www.patreon.com/timesuckpodcast Sign up through Patreon and for $5 a month you get to listen to the Secret Suck, which will drop Thursdays at Noon, PST. You'll also get 20% off of all regular Timesuck merch PLUS access to exclusive Space Lizard merch. You get to vote on two Monday topics each month via the app. And you get the download link for my new comedy album, Feel the Heat. Check the Patreon posts to find out how to download the new album and take advantage of other benefits.

Shaka Zulu, spurned by his father for being an illegitimate child, Shaka, along with his mother Nandi, traveled from tribe to tribe and his youth, seeking stability. And it didn't come easy or quickly. They'd be taking him by one tribe, only to be kicked back out to fend for themselves again, then taken in again, then kicked out again. Even when they were taken in, life was not easy. Many of their kids tormented young Shaka,

called him names, beat him, made him sleep under rotting animal skins and more, and all of this early tragedy it hardened him, it sharpened him. He grew into a powerful and bloodthirsty warrior with the brilliant military mind who would end up never being bullied again or beaten. Well, not until the very end, not until shortly after he completely lost his mind and went mad. From his trials and tribulations, a leader was born, or a monster, or both. We head to South Africa into the Zulu nation today. Shaka was the son of Senzan Kagona, a Zulu king, but not his legitimate son, and being born out of wedlock would lead to his childhood hardships.

His father forced Shaka and his mother out and back to her clan who then forced them out again and then shock his father would try to have shock a killed several times over the course of his life to keep him from interfering with the succession of his other legitimate sons. Nandi and young shock are finally found shelter with the sub clan of the powerful tetwa people. And Shaka was a young man, Denghiswayo, a Tethwa chieftain sent Shaka into battle and a star was born. And for the next six years, he served with brilliance as a warrior of the Tethwa Empire. And then he was given the chance to build his own empire, an empire of the Zulu people,

his father's people. Through several assassination, Shaka would become chief and he would build what started out as a tribe of less than 2,000 people into an empire of over 250,000 Zulu. A gifted tactician, he developed standard tactics what Zulu would use in battle after battle, after battle. Battles they would win time and time again. And in doing so, Shaka's life became the subject of numerous, colorful, sometimes real, sometimes exaggerated, sometimes

exaggerated, sometimes probably completely fabricated stories of his triumphs. And I look forward to sharing these stories with you today and also to sharing with you some of the history of South Africa, the land where the Zulu nation would rise, a fascinating and complicated and beautiful nation. I learned so much hope you will too in the Shaka Zulu aka intestinal beetle heaven That'll make sense soon. Historical fantastical stomping slashing giant fighting edition of time suck This is Michael McDonald and you're listening to time suck

Happy Monday, mate, Sacks. What the shit has been going on in America, Nimrod? Lucina, you've been stirring the pot. Praise both jangles, let's speed things along to the spring and yacht rock season triple M. I'm Dan Cummins of Suck Master, Pudy and Juju and juju anchor Nick cages acting coach and you are listening to time suck. And hopefully the world is not on fire right now. I recorded this episode on January 7th, a day after the DC riots. I have a lot of thoughts about what's been happening. I'm sure you do too. I'm not going to share mine today. Emotions too heightened in my opinion for for many to want to hear them? And it'll probably stay that way for a while.

And recent events, they're getting plenty of coverage to him near everywhere else right now. No shortage of commentary out there. Someday, I think we are gonna have to suck the election fraud conspiracy and do a biopic on President Trump as well. I don't know how many people make happy, I don't even make angry, but someday,

something we might be doing. Right now, these stories still unfolding, and they have nothing to do with today's topic. Right now, I think't even make angry, but someday, something we might be doing. Right now, these stories still unfolding, and they have nothing to do with today's topic. Right now, I think the best thing I can do is to continue to try and continue to try and provide some historical escapism. Maybe we can learn some lessons from the past. We might be able to apply to today's dilemmas.

Hail Nimrod and stay safe out there, everybody. Time suck thrasher parody champion, Kruneck sweatshirt in the store today at badmagicmerch.com. Very fitting. Things feel like throwing fire. This badass sweatshirt makes loose fiend wet. It's made out of 137 pure winged bush cobra skin. 100% renewable imported resource from the heart of Liberia.

And spaces as Matt Johnson sent in that material selection suggestion. Thank you, Matt. Quick charity reminder this month, we donated 20% of the Patreon subscriptions for bad magic productions to the riggins Idaho EMTs able to cut them and check for $11,600. Going to go a long ways to keep in their equipment up to date, keep them transporting those living in the salmon river canyon around riggins to the hospital and that long ride people sometimes need. Thanks again for that.

And if you'd like to donate yourself, you can go to Facebook.com slash Riggins ambulance. Put that link in the episode description. And now let's head back to Africa. We were just in Liberia for General Butt naked a few weeks ago and suck 222. Man, that one has stuck with me. Dear God, I'm not talking about my fake flying snakes that are in fact real and very not fake. Talking about the carnage we went over. Now when I complained about something or feel like complaining, I think of the millions

of people who had their world turned into a dystopian blood-filled nightmare in Liberia and Sierra Leone in the 90s. My God, that shit was brutal. Heads getting literally kicked down the street like fucking soccer balls. General butt naked, standing on a car in the middle of an urban war zone with the machete in one hand and a sever dick in the other. YEEK! Thank God nothing as crazy as that going on right now in America.

No, we're near that crazy. Today instead of going to the Liberia, we're gonna head much further south, down to South Africa, a country on the southernmost tip of the African continent where the Zulu nation was born. Gonna spend most of our time in the early 19th century, but we'll go further back to explore the nation's origins a bit.

Today, South Africa might best be known for its natural beauty and it is so beautiful. I was lucky enough to spend a month there once and that trip is really stayed with me. Hope to get back someday. Maybe if I do get back, I can learn how to say a lot of the words. I'm going to have to try and say today a lot more intelligently. Just want to say a little preface, figuring out how to pronounce a ton of very difficult words that they holy shit, not easy.

Almost everyone pronouncing them on local news videos or travel vlogs I could find or South African or Indian, the South African accent, not my accent, wish it was way cooler, a lot prettier. Trying to imitate how I hear South Africans say these words, his proved challenging. And the Indian accent, not even in the ballpark of my accent. Do my best.

And I think 99% of the time, I think I'm gonna at least be, you know, in the ballpark, if I don't get it, 100% right. So here we go. South Africa overflows with amazing sights from the misty mountains of the Mahubasgukskluf to the Sabi waterfalls of the Pumalanga to Sadawana's Bay's seven mile reef.

It's natural beauty along with South Africa's bustling cities like Cape Town, such a cool city. Draws a lot of tourism. South Africa, actually the second most visited country in all of Africa, right behind Morocco. With a population of, you know, closing on 60 million, it's the fifth largest nation on the massive continent, the second largest continent next to Asia. 80% of the country's population ethnically black African, roughly 9% considered mixed race as some kind, almost 8% of South Africa's population is white and about 2% are ethnic Indian. South Africa, unfortunately, a nation of massive wealth

disparity. Much of that disparity reveals itself along racial lines, the descendants of Shaka Zulu, not fairing nearly as well. It is the descendants of early Dutch and British colonists. The effects of apartheid, the country's system of racial segregation in place until 1991. Not 1891, 1991. Still deeply felt, country's richest households, almost 10 times wealthier than poor households according to World Bank estimates. The richest 10% of South Africans own 71% of the wealth, the poor is 60% own 7%. The nation still divided into primarily

affluent white African neighborhoods and poor black African slums. Overall, black Africans earn only roughly 15% of their white counterparts person to person. A part-hide in its effects. That deserves a separate suck. Suck an Nelson Mandela would provide a good excuse to do that. We should do that someday, but not suck an Nelson Mandela or a partite today. Suck and Shaka Zulu. Today we're going back to the early 19th century when a warrior would reshape the region forever. And we'll spend a fair amount of time in the end of the 18th century, learn about Shaka's father and mother a bit as well. Sinzhan Gakona, Kushenzhan Gakona or King Shaka. Thank God, it generally goes by King Shaka.

Way easier to say, holy shit, considered by historians to be one of the greatest military strategists of the 19th century. During his brief reign, more than a hundred chiefdoms were brought together under one ruler. A new Zulu kingdom was born that survived not only the death of its founder, but later military defeat and calculated attempts by outside forces to break it up. The kingdom grew from just a few hundred people to a peak population of nine million by the late 20th century. And it wouldn't have got started without King Zulu.

King Shaka. I'd say there are over 14 million Zulu people in Africa. King Shaka Zulu contemporary of Napoleon, subject subject of suck 134 has been given the nickname the African Napoleon by some for being a gifted military strategist. One historian I listened to on YouTube, talked about how due to the ripple effects regarding how he changed warfare and kingdom building in Southern Africa, he ended up changing the borders of African kingdoms, not just around South Africa, but throughout the continent, similar to how Napoleon re-drew the map of Europe. And part of that is due to the ripple effect that his, his, his wars had and the way he

changed battlefield tactics. And then people he defeated, those who survived, they would adopt his tactics and go on to defeat others and so on and so forth and it kept spreading around the continent. Shocker reigned his king of his expanding empire from 1816 until his assassination in 1828. He accomplished much in just those dozen years. Yeah, military tactician, unlike any African and South Africa who had ever lived before him. At least as far as we know he was, the Zulu nation he created and ruled did not have a written record of his accomplishments in life. Not as he lived, the Zulu lived that

time in an oral tradition. Their legends before, during after Shaka's time were spoken, told and retold from generation to generation was not ever being put to paper. If any greater military minds existed before his, their stories have been lost or mostly lost to history. Shaka Wall, heralded by many as a great leader, also been denounced by many for being a ruthless tyrant.

It may have been the most vicious African rulers out of Africa had ever seen. Being a military strategist in the 19th century did not come without bloodshed. And for King Zula came with a lot of bloodshed. A lot more than can be justified as you will soon see. Some estimate that during his reign, Shaka caused the death of more than a million people. Shaka's war is contributed to a series of forced migrations known in various parts of southern Africa as the Nimrod guide my mush miles across the next few very challenging senses. Maffakani, Difakani, Lifakani or Fetconi. Groups of refugees from Shaka's assaults, just known as that in different tribal languages. Groups of refugees from Shaka's assaults, just known as that in different tribal languages.

Groups of refugees from Shaka's assaults, first, Hulubee and Nagwani clans later followed by the mantis, the mantabili of Misekela. Oh my God. Miseel Akazi, across the Drakensburg mountains to the west, smashing smaller tribes in their path, famine followed, extermination of populations followed, crops destroyed, herd slaughter. It was chaos and shocka was the center of it all. By his hand, old chiefdoms vanished. New ones were created.

The new chiefdoms were very different than the ones before them. They were stronger and they were a lot more violent. And there would be no going back to the less violent old ways before them. So began the legend of Shaka Zulu, a legend that would be passed down from Zulu to Zulu to maybe a guy named Bob or Timmy here and there, but mostly guys with Zulu names in an oral tradition. It's partially historical truth, partially mythology, much of what we're here in today's episode, including quotes from Shaka and others come from, of course, this oral tradition. Some of the accuracy of these events disputed by historians, but it's all we have. And when you look at the totality of it all, the truth makes with fiction, it paints the picture of a truly remarkable life.

Even on a good life, as we will see, but certainly a very noteworthy life. It all comes together to paint a fascinating portrait of a very powerful man, a ruthless but brilliant dude. Before we dig into the life of Shaka Zulu and the history of the Zulu people, let's first look at the history of the country that they thrived and battled in South Africa. Touchdown South Africa is rich in fascinating history. We'll then get into the culture and history of the Zulu people before we jump into a bloody spearfield time suck timeline. South Africa may be where meat sex started being meat sex diverging from the ancestors we shared with monkeys and apes. Maybe we were the first dude stood up tall and proud to play with his wiener.

Instead of sitting on a branch or in the bushes to do it, you know. Probably could have included a better example. They're of an important human first, but I like that one. South Africa certainly had some of the oldest records of human history in 1994. A scientist found some early human foot bones that they did somewhere between two and 3.2 million years ago. Australopithesines, a name that literally means Southern apes, the first human ancestors we've discovered so far who walked upright.

Other fossil records have only been found in Africa, and many of their fossils have been found in South Africa. So people have been living in South Africa for at least two million years. Compare that to the current evidence we have for North America, early humans believed to have showed up no more than 40,000 years ago. And compare all that to my jerk off example I mentioned earlier, and the soil of South Africa has seen a lot more dirt, so to speak, and the soil of America. That was unnecessary.

I just wanted to need to see through that visual in your minds. For a few million years, South Africans live very simply. They lived in small tribes of hunter-gatherers, living off the land, hunting ancient Africa's abundance of wild game, drinking water from the many clean springs, creeks, rivers, lakes, fishing, eating wild vegetables, roots, fruits, berries, et cetera. And then somewhere around 2000 years ago, things changed dramatically. Most scholars seem to agree that extraterrestrials showed up. And then somewhere around 2000 years ago, things changed dramatically. Most scholars seem to agree that extraterrestrials showed up. And these ancient aliens supplied ancient Africans with dwellings built from laser cut stones,

hamburgers, mashed potatoes, and super fast and cool looking remote control cars with 780 kilovolt brushless motors. And early South Africans quickly built up an empire based on the manufacturer and trade of said RC cars, which were mainly dune buggies with those 2.2 inch M4 whole shot tires. A random trivia RC cola actually named after this early, you know, dune buggy industry. And around 200 years ago, no one would build or sell more premier remote controlled competition ready electric motor dune buggies than shock azulu, which is how he became known as the RC dune buggy king. Uh, no, wait, no, wait, no, no, no, no, that's, that's a, that's a, that's complete fucking

nonsense. You would, you would have heard about that for sure already if that was true. No, about 2000 years ago, things did change and nothing to dune buggies, even though without them and fucking sweet. About 2000 years ago, South African communities shifted from forging for vegetation and hunting, trapping and scavenging for meat to grow in their own crops and domesticating cattle. They domesticated cattle between a thousand, 2000 years ago. Northern Africans have been domesticating them for about 10,000 years, or eight, you know, eight, nine thousand years earlier than the South

Africans took a while for some wandering cows to make it all the way down from the northern part of Africa to the southern tip of that enormous continent. Fucking, fucking cows. Not known for being real fast. Umguni cattle or breed of cattle now indigenous to South Africa derived from these first early, you know, cows making their way down to South Africa. Gonna be a lot of cow talk in today's show. Cows very important to shock us people and the culture he arose out of.

The closest thing to currency, early 19th century South African tribes had, the more cows you owned, the wealthier you were, the better your status. Sounds a lot harder than carrying around your wealth in today's debit and credit cards. Shields of Zulu and their foes would wield in battle, made from the hides of these durable, highly fertile, diseased, resistant breed of cow. These cattle provided food, status, defense, the introduction of agriculture, arguably the single most important event in world history, and the herding of cows led to the first sedentary societies, towns and cities in the world a few thousand years earlier. And now the societal shift was coming back home to our human life may have started. Ancient hunter-gatherers called the Saan people settled down with some cows and what is now modern day Botswana. And then their population grew and spread

throughout the western half of South Africa, the Koi Koi, which means men of men or the real people, they were a group of early cattle herders who often, you know, conflicted with the Sahn, Olsan and Koi Koi were already in South Africa when the Bantu speaking farmers arrived 2000 years ago. Between 200 BC and 200 CE, the ancestors of the Eastern Bantu speaking people migrated to Eastern and Southern Africa from the North after originating three to 4000 years ago in the West Central African area of present day Cameroon, they cultivated sargum, millets, herdecatal, sheep, goats. They manufactured iron tools and copper ornaments

as agriculturalists, agriculturalists. These farming people lived in semi-permanent home states, comprising a pole and doca, a.k.a. Wattling dob houses and grain bins arranged around animal buyers. I'd never heard of an animal buyer before. I had to look up as definition. I'd look up a lot of definitions today. This one means cow shed,

and that word combo is so funny to me. Cow shed, that's back by the cow shed. Dad, where do you want me to put that wheelbarrow? I'm done. I said it next to the cow shed. Son, put it between the cow shed and the chicken coop behind the dog house in front of the ant shed. Dad, where do you want me to put that wheelborrow? I'm done. Set it next to the cow shed. Sun, put it between the cow shed and the chicken coop, behind the doghouse, in front of the ant farm. I realize that's that that funny. I just like animal combinations with human things. I like adding animal names in front of dwellings, normally

associated with humans. Is it surprising anyone to hear that the far side was my favorite comic strip grown up by far? Gary Larson, one of the best to ever do it. Great Seattle mind loves to humanize animals Back to getting our heads around South African history located at the junction of Botswana's and Bobway in South Africa the Shoshay and Lumpopal rivers became the Nile of South Africa during the middle Iron Age Regular flooding this time made intensive agriculture possible not only people farming for their own families But it also made possible to grow surplus crops for the community to trade and save.

The resulted population increase. This created along with surplus trade from the Indian Ocean, gold and ivory trade led to the development of the Mapung-guay, the first city in Kingdom of South Africa. The name means Hill of the Jackals to some locals. It means place of wisdom to others, and it means the Weasel Emporium and Juice Bar to no one.

Civilization existed sometime between 950 CE and 1300 CE. The old city's remains found by farmers, not that long ago, 1933. They found the remains of stone walls, loads of gold, idols, and jewelry and more, and I'm guessing not all of it was donated to museums. Shortly after the abandonment of Mapungue, around 1300 CE, the ancestors of the present day, Suto, and Suana, there we go, moved south to East Africa or from East Africa, somewhat later, Suto, Toswana. Those people moved south into a large part

of what is now South Africa's outhang and the northwest provinces. About 100 years earlier, the ancestors of the Unguni people, speaking people, Shaka's ancestors moved from East Africa into the Kwa Zulu Natala region, around 1450 CE, a few northern Unguni moved up into what is known as the Free State Province, an inland plateau and built circular settlements. These Unguni people would move across the wall river into the hilly areas of Houtang and the northwest provinces, introducing the stone building practice to the Soutu, to Swana people. And then over 350 years ago, Widey showed up. Hello, section of somewhat easier to pronounce names. Noise. First, wide explorers showed up in 1488 when the Portuguese explored Bartholomew

DS became the first European to anchor off the coast of present day South Africa. And then King John the second of Portugal appointed him to sail around the southern tip of Africa and the hopes of finding an ocean based trade route to India. Everyone's trying to get to India back then in 1486. He made it around the Cape of Good Hope, Africa's southernmost tip, which he named the Cape of Storms. Then he got lost in the Indian Ocean, circled around for a while, turned back, sailed home to Portugal, after throwing down a stone cross on the Cape on his way back to Marcus Passage. Remnants of that cross found in 1938. He would also die near the cape and a storm on a later voyage. His first

name, choice, cape of storms, pretty apt. The cape was renamed the Cape of Good Hope by King John the Second because it represented the opening of a route to the east. Portuguese would first make it around the Cape to India successfully in 1500, but they didn't actually explore South Africa. Might have waved at some very confused dudes and ladies on the beach, but they didn't stop. Now, where would that be if you were on the beach and some white sailors floated by, just didn't even stop. People who looked so different than anyone you'd ever seen.

Right? Anyone that in their tribe would ever seen. It's like, that would be the equivalent to seeing Sasquatch or aliens. If no one else was with you, who would even believe you? Oh, white warriors, huh? In a floating city, okay. Sure you saw them, Thaddy.

And I just rode here on a grasshopper, the size of a horse. What's a horse, Funani? Ah, good question, I don't know. I haven't made it to this part of Africa yet. Probably should have said zebra in that example. Europeans would leave South Africa relatively untouched for another 150 years. The Dutch would then arrive at the Cape of Good Hope for settlement purposes in 1652. The Dutch East India Company established a resupply station at

Cape Town for its fleets traveling between Holland and its empire in South and Southeast Asia. The Dutch created the first white settlement in South Africa, the founding of what would become Cape Town. Six years after settlement it had only 360 people. Now it has over four million beautiful city, some of it, much of it also sprawling deep poverty. The Cape would remain under Dutch rule from 1652 to 1795 when it would fall to the British and then again from 1803 to 1806, it would be under Dutch control and then it would fall again to the British. And then it, while it earned its full independence from Britain in 1961, really in 1931, it would be under Dutch control. And then it would fall again to the British. And then it, while it earned its full independence

from Britain in 1961, really in 1931, it's been complicated. South Africa remains part of the British commonwealth to this day. I'll back up to the Dutch landing in 1652, when employees of the Dutch East India Company landed, the VOC for short, at acronym plays in Dutch. The VOC quickly set up some crude shelters and planted vegetable gardens and orchards.

You can actually see exactly where they first did this if you live in or ever visit Cape Town, go to the company's garden park located in the middle of sea. When the local Khoisan peoples refused to provide goods on terms set by the company, when they weren't interested in being ripped off by the Dutch, the Dutch took up arms and drove most of the local population into the interior. And that started, you know, a long, long history of battling with the locals going forward in place of local producers, the company relied on a combination of European farmers, mostly former employees of the company and imported African slave labor towards a land that had

been seized from local residents. How where does that Dutch brought in slaves from other parts of Africa, mostly West Central Africa to work their plantations essentially in Southern Africa. When early Dutch farmers known as Bores attempted to escape, some, it's attempted to escape some monopolistic. There we go. Trading practices and autocratic rule by the VOC

by moving into the interior, the company prohibited further expansion, temporarily ending the emigration of Europeans to the Cape and they expanded the use of slave labor. So it wasn't this big mass continual migration. If you could went down there and they kind of cut it off for a while. And interesting that Cape Town was originally a true company town by the way, this company ruled it. A few hundred French Huguenots fleeing religious and political persecution in Europe, they would arrive in Cape Town in 1688 and 1689. They were then assimilated into local

Dutch culture, more Dutch settlers, what also trickle land over the next century. And then as I said, the British invaded the Cape at the end of the 18th century. Why? Well, because of war in Europe. Holland had been taken over by France and the Prince of Orange, William the Fifth, was living in Britain and exile. And this dude, through many European royal marriages before him, had several titles. This is complicated. This shit comes up so much in Europe. So many examples of fucker, so and so being the Prince of this country and the Duke of this other country, and also the second line to the throne in this third nation,

but also some barren or url of this court, which gives him an outside shot at getting this other fourth crown, et cetera, et cetera. It's also very game of thrones. Thanks to so many wars and so many marriages, who was supposed to rule which nation often very ambiguous, very up for debate, and all the various legitimate and quasi-legitimate claims led to wars for the crown, which when settled would often lead to more arranged political and royal marriages, which would then further confuse bloodlines and claims to thrones, which would then lead to more wars, because everybody had to have their son be the king. So Captain Dickhead, aka William V, was the ruler of orange, a principality in the south

of France. And he was also a ruler of essentially the Netherlands. It's again complicated. And now we're digging into too far here. I'm going to try and summarize. In a nutshell, starting in 1780, France and Great Britain at war against each other in Europe because, of course, they were, is what they did. Europe prior to World War II couldn't go more than a few years without so much fighting.

They were still fighting war and, you know, having war in North America due to some kind of revolution you've probably heard of. And now they wanted to fight in some more places because with expanding with an expanding known world There were just you know so many more places to fight fight fight Another lens aka the Dutch were lied with the French at the time and a small garrison of French troops was sent to the Cape of South Africa in 1784 a vital geographic point when it came to lucrative trade with India to protect it against the British when it came to lucrative trade with India to protect it against the British. Man, everything about how many wars have been fought outside of Europe because of wars being fought inside of Europe? So much fighting in North America, South America, Asia,

and Africa over the years because of European wars. It's insane. Anyway, some French troops left for South Africa to protect it for France in 1784, because France and the Netherlands were friends, kind of. Then in 1795, the Netherlands were invaded by France as Napoleon began to make a name for himself as a battlefield tactician before he became an emperor, and the VOC fell into complete financial ruin during the East War. So maybe not great friends. Then the Prince of Orange fled to England for protection, who then helped establish the Dutch Batvian or Batavian Republic, basically a new Netherlands, because why not fuck

them up some more European map makers and high demand for centuries. Due to the long time it took to send and receive news from Europe, the Cape Commissioner in South Africa at the time in 1795, knew only that the French had been making or taking territory in the Netherlands and that the Dutch, because of this, might change sides on the war at any moment. And then British forces arrive at the Cape, bearing a letter from the Prince of Orange, a legitimate letter asking the commissioner to allow British troops to protect the Cape from France now until the war. The British informed the commissioner that the Prince had fled to England.

And again, this was true, but the Dutch in South Africa, they don't know if they can trust them. The prince of orange not on the boat. If only someone had a cell phone, the reaction the Cape Council is mixed or were they still on France aside or were they now on England side? They didn't know. And how strange to literally not be able to verify that, not inside a few months anyway. They couldn't make up their mind.

And then the British got tired of them waiting to make a decision. and then they did what they used to do so often, they just fucked them up, they attacked them. And the British successfully invaded the cape in the Battle of Meisenberg and took it over. And the arrival of these new rulers and the legislative changes they made added to existing tensions between local settlers and metropolitan rulers and also widened an existing racial divide between whites and blacks. The British would give South Africa back to the Dutch and a short-lived peace agreement in 1802 between Britain and France.

And then just four years later, they were like, jakey motherfucker. And they just took it again. 5,000 British troops took on just over 2,000 Dutch troops and obliterated them. And this obliteration had nothing to do, sadly, with the Dutch not being able to fight very well because they were wearing wooden shoes, which was where mine went first. I was like, maybe they couldn't fight that well because they had wooden clogs on. And for some reason, it's very funny for me to think about. The probably funny thing that it should be.

I just pictured Dutch soldiers not being able to maneuver very well in battle. It was hard for them to run around and clunky wooden clogs. And they definitely couldn't hide from anyone in these wooden clogs. Then to add another Dutch stereotype, this nonsensical picture, I like to think about their defensive buildings being cute, Dutch wooden windmills. It being really hard for them to shoot defensive shots because they have to wait for the blade to spin past, kind of like a miniature golf situation. Then when they accidentally shot the windmill blade, then they'd fucking stop around an

anger and their noisy wooden shoes choose. Anyway, that's nonsense. Britain would remain in charge over 100 years and really continue to have influence to the present day. They're still involved in South African politics through the Commonwealth. During 19th century British rule, the discovery of valuable minerals, diamonds, and 1867 gold and 1866 would change South Africa, dramatically altering its economic and political structure. The growing mineral industry created ever greater divisions between British and Bohr, white and black, rich and poor, brought in more white financial opportunists, exploited more black workers. And there's a ton more we can get into talking about South Africa, but Shaka Zulu, that's why we're here. So many side roads to go down, it's easy to get lost.

Let's pivot over to the Zulu nation now. Now that we know a little bit about the history of South Africa, let's dig into the history of the Zulu people. Today it's estimated there are roughly 60 million people living in South Africa in total. And the Zulu people make up about 23% of this number, almost 14 million people. And while the country is a democratic republic,

the province of Kwa Zulu in the tall, he talking about these provinces. There's nine South African provinces, I think States, like the United States. This one has a monarchy inside of it, the Zulu nation, especially provided for by the country's constitution. Today, Goodwill, Zwillothini is the king of Zulu nation. He doesn't have any real national political power, but he does hold considerable influence among the more traditional Zulu people in the province.

Think of the queen of England. You know, if more people in England actually gave a shit about what she thought as far as how the country should be run. And if she got to own, say the city of Manchester and helped decide how people in that city live, so maybe she's not the best analogy actually. While not as well-known in the western world, Zulu King has more power in South Africa than the Queen of England does in England. Zulu King is a chairman of a trust established to administer the land traditionally owned by the King for the benefit, material welfare, and social well-being of Zulu Nation. And this is a lot of land. This land consists of 32% of Quazulu Natal, which amounts to roughly 11,000 square miles. For maybe better comparative purposes, think about this as kind of like an American tribal

reservation, but still different because his title running it comes with a lot of money and privilege. It's hard to come up with a good analogy. It's a very unique situation. Now, this dude, this king doing pretty well for himself. 72 year old has 27 kids, six wives, mansions, lives a lavish lifestyle. It's paid over 1.2 million, ran a year, which is not as much as it might sound. That's actually worth around $80,000. But he also gets put in charge of a $72 million dollar, a random annual budget in a notoriously corrupt nation, or government officials routinely pocket some of that budget money, pillage some state coffers. When I was in South Africa, some of the people running the now defunct Nando's comedy festival as performing and talked about bribery, just being part of the cost of doing business

in South Africa. I was pretty much culturally accepted and definitely expected. Numerous people I was working with working with bribed local law enforcement, you know, officials are like customs agents to get luggage out of customs, or you know, the bribe law enforcement to get out of parking tickets, bribe officials to get permits to do this or that all the time. It was nuts. The largest urban concentration of Zulu people is in the Houtang province,

and in the cities of Peter Martensburg and Durban. Now, the Zoolow are the biggest ethnic group of black Africans in South Africa. One of many groups, nation has 11 official languages, 11. And that's just the official languages. How many are spoken in total? Who knows? A lot of Indians, Asians, various Europeans, different tribes moving in and out of the country from various other African nations, fleeing various dire economic situations,

civil wars, et cetera. It's a different world over there. The four major ethnic divisions among black South Africans are the Unguni, Soto-Sosuana, Shangana, Tosanga, and the Venda. And within each of these divisions, various tribes. Zulu are Unguni, then there's the Kosa, the next biggest ethnic group in South Africa,

comprising 17% of the total population, also Unguni, the third biggest, the Sulto, aka the Basuelto, part of the Sulto Toswana group. I come to about 20 sources, no joke, and none will list exactly how many distinct tribal subgroups exist in South Africa right now. Four major African ethnic groups, at least 17 different subgroups, of which the Zulu are one and again the biggest. And an extremely diverse nation. The language of the Zulu people

is a Southern Bantu language of the Unguni branch. It has about 12 million native speakers, many of whom inhabit the province of Kwa Zulu in the tall. The word Zulu means sky. And according to oral history, Zulu was the name of the ancestor who founded the Zulu Royal Bloodline in about 1670. Story of the Zulu's people's founding, fascinating, and it's legend into which Shaka Zulu will

be incorporated as a chosen one figure. So let's get into it. For a timeline here, before they joined with neighboring Natal and Goony under their leader Shaka in the early 19th century to form a Zulu empire, the Zulu were but one of many, many, and Gooney clans. The story of the Zulu begins as I said around the year 1670 when Malandela, the leader of one such clan and his two sons Zulu and Kwabe, left his home's dead near the source of the white Umfalazi river and migrated to the southeast. Malandela's clan of about 200 men, women and kids, searched for new land, new land on which to live,

where they could tend to their Unguni cattle and goats. They headed on the deep broad valley of the Umphalasi River towards the lowlands of the coast. They knew the route would be difficult since the terrain was rough and rocky. Not only that, but they anticipated being intercepted by violent rival clans. Many smaller clans already

scattered along the river, tending to their herds of cattle and fields of sorghum and pumpkins amidst the, uh, acacia scrub and rocks. That's right. Pumpkins. I was surprised to have pumpkin show up in the suck. Another pumpkin is in Africa. I'm sure why that surprised me. Turns out there's, uh, over 700 different kinds of pumpkins in the world. Uh, bands of intruders like Molland Delas clan never welcome in other clan's territories. Clan might show an individual traveler hospitality, but a group of several hundred migrants who wanted pasture for their cattle

to graze definitely unwelcome. I get it. You know, you have one friend a relative show for dinner unexpectedly. Okay, fine. Maybe annoying. What probably have enough food for extra plater too? You have 200 unexpected guest show up. You just fuck out of here

Don't make me grab the gun, right? Don't make me pump the shotgun get out of here go find your own food and Mollandela's clan especially unwanted his ancestors had fought with a neighboring tribe So violently once at those people the Lembe called Mollandela's father a Lufan Wengia, which meant penis of a dog at Marlindella's father, a Lufan Wendja, which meant penis of a dog. Mm-hmm, it's all son of dog dick. For sure, not an honored guest when he and 199 of his friends and family showed up in the neighborhood. Marlindella was feisty. And the reason he was the leader of the clan, he was leading was because he was feisty.

So he really didn't want him showing up. He became leader when he was a younger man. His cattle had been raided by the Lembe. They destroyed his stone cattle in closures twice. And Marlindella wanted to go back and get his cattle, maybe slap around those who took a mess up his stone enclosure, you know, a bit. But the elders of his clan were reluctance. They want to cause trouble.

They want to rock the boats. Marlindella fell as they were cowards. So he decided to go form his own clan. Many of his poorer neighbors as well as his two sons and their families, those like him who were not afraid to fight for what they felt was right, they followed him. And Marlindella was ready to fight. We will be among strangers from much of the way he told his sons, according to the oral traditions, check your fighting sticks and sharpen your blades. We must be prepared for any difficulties that might arise. I.e. get ready to stab some fuckers guys. We're not asking anyone's

permission to invade their little patch of land. Mollandela also consulted the spirit world heavily before his journey, hoping a combination of divine blessings and physical strength would allow them to proceed unimpeded. To gain the spirit's favor, Mollandela and his sons fasted, sacrificed, apprised, ox, and refrained from having sex. Instead of sleeping next to his beloved wife, Marlindella slept in a cold hut with no fire. Fair. Always a little ficed here when you got blue balls when you're horny. Marlindella truly pulled a real big on Lucifina, probably

easier to spear some dude when you haven't come in several weeks. These preparations allegedly called the spirits to them and his weakened state. Marlindella was visited by his dead father by the spirits of his other direct ancestors, Zulu, his son, saw spirits dancing inside their hut. Uh-huh. Maybe they saw ancestral spirits or maybe they were just really tired or dehydrated. Maybe they're wrong kind of root or something. So many people in the sucks we've done get talked to by God or by spirits. Why is anyone talking to me? Probably need to do shrooms a lot more often. And probably take a lot more of them.

The spirit of Mollandela's great grandfather called Mollandela's attention to Zulu in particular, saying, do you see your son regard him well for from his line, will one day come a male child, born of the sweet one, who will raise your house to majesty across all the lands. Interesting myth making here, some legend building. He's setting up the rise of Shaka Zulu, interesting folklore. Another ancestor, Mollandela's grandfather, Matangua added, but it will come only after great anguish,

or he must forge a will of iron and confront many dangers. Joining the chorus of spirits, Mollandela's father said and they shall be known as the Zulu people. And then Mollandela and his clan started their journey. Mollandela's father said, and they shall be known as the Zulu people. Then Mollandela and his clan started their journey. Mollandela led the central group with the two other seniors marching close behind him, all fully armed. Two other groups of younger men scouted ahead led by Zulu.

His son Mollandela was armed with his osse gaze, slender iron tipped hardwood spears. You've likely seen pictures of men holding these spears. You've ever seen photos of African warriors, holding spears or even carvings of African warriors, common type of spear. The women and children followed the men. The women carried woven baskets of sorecombed pumpkins. There's a fucking pumpkins again. Our melons balanced delicately on their heads.

While some also had babies strapped their backs because the cattle needed to graze and the tribe members needed to hunt and forage, progress was very slow as the group forage is weighed down the rugged valley of the Umphalasi river. What a shitty way to travel. It's like the Oregon trail, right? If the pioneers didn't have wagons or horses, just literally had to carry everything.

I mean, moving sucks now, anyone who's ever moved knows that. But now imagine moving without a moving truck or any kind of truck or a car or cart or even moving boxes. Ah, no things. At night, the tribe collected dry brushwood to form rough enclosures for the cattle and then the morning they'd have to break it all down and move it, move on again.

Sounds so fun. As they traveled, there were Bushman or Sahn who lived in the caves of the deep river valley cliffs. They had to avoid. There were bands of hunters known as the Abattoi, aka the pigmies, Abattois, known to fight with arrows, tipped with poison that would quickly kill their targets. Fucking what? Is this South Africa or Lord of the Rings or Star Wars?

What's going on here? It's like they had to make it past, you know, past Tuscan raiders, angry Ewoks. And why were more people using these poison arrows ditching their spears? Great question. Sounds like a way better weapon. I don't understand why those things didn't catch on more. Hey, what do you think about upgrading

the highly lethal poisonous arrows? No, I like the spears. I like these unwieldy spears. I'd rather carry, you know, like one, just throw it one time, kind of hope for the best. Instead of being able to shoot, you know, multiple times, you know, was a much more lethal weapon without ever having to retrieve anything and, you know, making it a lot harder for me to kill.

No, I'm good with the spears. Not only did Mollandela and Zulu or Enzulu, excuse me, and there are people have to worry about other aggressive tribes, boys and arrows and such. They also have to worry about wild animals, lions, eyeing their cattle and them. You know, they had to keep the lions away by making these giant bonfires all the time. This trip really sounds like a huge pain in the ass. You know, that's another thing,

the Oregon Trail pioneers didn't have to fucking deal with lions. I mean, yeah, there's bears and stuff, but like lions are worse. Hyenas, smaller and sneaker than lions, also a constant menace. It would make off with goats in the middle of the night depleting the tribes meet supplies.

Finally, the tribe arrives at Babanongo where they found Fertilall and Leveland on which they could cultivate crops. There's now a town at this site. They sailed there for a time, plant small fields of millet and sweet tubers known as Madumbis, similar to like sweet potatoes. For shelter, they built rough grass huts, neighboring

tribes. One is violent, is their name calling former neighbors, the Lembe. So it seemed like a, you know, a nice place to be. They had a little time of peace and contentment, but there was trouble brewing behind the scenes. Kwabe, Marlindella's oldest son had grown jealous of Zulu, his younger brother. It seemed like Marlindella openly showed a preference for Zulu, and that Zulu, his younger brother. It seemed like a Marlindella openly showed a preference for Zulu, and that Zulu would be made Marlindella's only heir. It seemed like this because, no Zinja, Marlindella's wife, had urged her husband to give the best of their white cows to Zulu so that he could build up his herds in preparation for one day becoming the clan's leader.

It's got more cow talk already. Marlindella knew this would cause problems between, two sons, but he did it anyway. He gave Zulu this prized white cow. Mollandela then gave Kwabe a brown cow, which is a fucking piece of shit cow, who's a symbol of inferiority. It really was. And because of this, the two sons began to avoid each other and a big feud starts brewing. Kwabe got fucking cow dist. Got the whole brown cow, fuck you. No white cow for you, Kwabie. You're a brown cow son if I ever had one. I love imagining this dude bitching about his inferior cow.

This cow like situation really was a big deal for these guys. You know, just do the walking by. Hey Kwabie, how you doing today? Fuck you, Zulu. Must be nice with your sweet ass white cow. I'm doing terrible. You, I would look at my brown cow. Everyone makes fun of me.

Soon the brothers had more to deal with in cow drama. Their neighbors eventually grew unhappy with them and their whole tribe. Probably over some other kind of cow situation. Neighboring tribes started accusing Moodydell as people of witchcraft, making some crazy unfounded accusations. In all those accusations used to be witchcraft today, they're Q&A posts. The more things change, yeah. One morning, Moilophines, several wooden stakes hammered into the ground around the homestead with a moothey or magical medicine smeared on them. And one of their prized cows have been injured and put into a pit. Got to imagine, chief, don't fuck with my cows, Monodil, and not happy about all this. Small group of armed men start to follow Monodilas people around, prompting Monodilas to order his sons to guard the land at night, things are getting

tense. Clear the tribe needs to move on. So they pack up, they head down into the valley south of the Umphalasi River. They were outnumbered by this other group. So they had to go while moving the tribe fragments into three fractions or three factions now. One led by Kwabe, another led by Zulu, led by the third faction, avoid and take in science with either brother. And they followed a warrior-ish guy named PD Hugs and stuff. PD, he doesn't even talk about enough. Oh, PD Hugs and stuff wasn't the bravest of the strongest warrior, definitely not the fiercest, but he was super likable and he was sweet and he was able to turn your frown upside down, unless you were attacked, then he was fucking out of there. He'd run, he's fast and he also wasn't real. No,, Monandela had, there were just one, another group

that just went on, went on their own. Monandela had no idea what to do. Hope things worked themselves out. Then Kwabi confronted his 63-year-old father. Monandela was sitting down, eating some sorghum bread, when the young man approached him with the followers watching from a distance, speak my son, the cheap tin said. Kwabi said that he was angry over the whole cow debacle.

The cow drama continues. As the oldest son, he argues, I should get there with White Cow, not Zulu. Mollandela not gonna back down. He stood up standing much taller than Kwabie and he said, no Zinja is my great wife. It was her cow before I gave it to her. The heifer now belongs to Zulu.

And Kwabie was pissed, explaining, so you have chosen Zulu. His father responded, there has been no choosing yet. Now go, let that be the end of it. But it wouldn't be the end of it. You know that two men glared at each other before Kwame stocked off, followed by his faction. I gotta say, when I picked this topic, I never thought for a moment there would be any cal drama. Little on this much cal drama. As the party moved down from the Mufuli river towards the Malat Tuzah, or Malat, Tuzet River Valley. Several members saw a patch of wild melons tired of the infighting, tired of all this cow

drama. They just decided to fucking do their own thing. They decided to stay with these melons, just, you know, settle down. During the following weeks, the melons, foragers established a small village and they called themselves the, I'm a own Dini clan, meaning those amongst the melons, okay, and expect that either to expect a so melon twist in the story. Not the most intimidating clan name I've never had to deal with too many attackers. Those amongst the melons, doesn't sound like the fiercest warriors.

I bet PD hugs and stuff along with that clan. While in Dela and his remaining followers, they trudged southwards into the Malatusei River Valley. They camped on the fertile lands of a low ridge on the South Bank. They built a homestead named Audwini, which means the nest of the bees. Sounds shitty. Not nearly as comfy as the melon patch.

I'm more stingy, but the little settlement actually was good. It flourished, okay, fine. Nuzinja and the other women planted fields of sorghum there, wild melons, a lot of melontocks, sweet potatoes, their herds and flocks, grazed on the grasslands beside the dense reed beds of the Milak Tuse. The man hunted elephant, hippopotamus, and buffalo, as well as antelope and birds. The community well-supply grew and numbers seemed like everything was getting good again. And then Marlindella fell ill, asking everyone to leave as Hati spoke to his son Zulu. He said, you my son will be a great leader. And they shall call you

spoke to his son Zulu. He said, you my son will be a great leader. And they shall call you, Nicole's in Kulu. And I probably just put your debts. I listened to someone say that on YouTube, probably 10 times. And after three or four of the times,

I said out loud, fucking what? And I gave up. Malindella said, there shall be many after you. But there will come another one of your descendants. He will endure great hardships. He will have a will of iron.

He will live by the blade of the Asagai. Asagai, he will make your descendants a mighty people as great in number as the grass in the fields. So obviously he's Shaka Zulu and Dan Maulandela dies. After his death, his sons began to fight again. They trade insults and threats until the clan finally splits for good. Zulu probably tossed in one too many cow insults and threats until the clan finally splits for good. Zulu probably tossed in one too many cow insults.

Kwabay's way, you know what, Dad's last words were, right? Kwabay, what do you do? What were they? He just said, you know, to me, he just said, I'm just, I'm so glad you get the white cow. He said, Kwabay would have, you know, fucking lost it or something. He said, he said, he said, this is my words. He said, and he's, I quote, any silly asshole can take care of a brown cow. Everyone knows that. But to care for a white cow, he said, only a real man with a big brain and a bigger dick can care for that cow.

That's the fucking zoo I'm leaving. Good, Kwabe. Don't forget to take your stupid brown peasant cow with you. No, once that piece of shit, Kwabe took his followers off to the southeast, driving most of his cattle with him. Kwabe and his followers were settling in the Nagoya Hills near the lower Mlatuzae River. They named themselves the great Reed bed of the Mlatuzae. And they would have beef with the Zulu people for a long time, well, until the 19th century, long lasting rivalry, followed that whole cow debacle. Zulu took his followers to a low ridge between the Mokumbai, Mokumbane and the Zolo rivers, where they had a good view of the surrounding hills and their Zulu lived his followers to a low ridge between the Makumbai, Makumbane, and Zulu rivers, or they had a good view of the surrounding hills and their Zulu lived for many years.

This is clan expanded. Out of respect for his father, he went by Nikos and Kulu, which meant the great chief, and he established the Zulu lineage before he died around 1709. And according to oral tradition, Zulu's descendants called the Amazulu or the people of heaven settled under the chiefmanship of Zulu's great grandson, Nadaba, Camponga, the man of affairs, Nadaba, Makonga, on his descendants were Zulu kings. The kings served many roles in the tribe. They were the center of agricultural and battle rituals. The main practitioners, the tribes, folk medicine. The king was in charge of bringing in the reins during times of drought, which seems like a very tough job had to make the harvest good. That must have been stressful.

All right, everyone pissed at you when it's not raining. You're not doing a good job of bringing in the rain out there. Fucking praying and dancing your ass off. You know, sacrificing a bunch of ox, but still no clouds, no dice. King was also the clan's treasurer. When a king died, the tribes people would leave the body to dry in a hut. Sounds nasty. Then they would burn, you know, special woods and bury the king with precious objects. And most importantly, they would not bury the king with his spears. Why not?

Is it the king came back as a ghost to wreak havoc on the living for whatever reason? They didn't want the ghost to be armed. They believed that if the ghost was buried with his spears, then you know, he could attack you with him in the afterlife. I'd never heard of that. I told a lot of I've told a lot of ghost stories on the scared of death podcasts. Never thought of that one. Never came across that. I never thought of a ghost carrying around a ghost spear. That would suck. If I had the choice, I would rather be hunted by a spiritless ghost. Rather get spooked and speared for sure. One of the first Zulu kings, Jama, would build his capital village near the Mappembi River,

just a little ways from where it combined with the Maffo Fama, or Maffo Foma, later it would be named in Obamba, which translates to the place of unity. Obamba would become an important site for Zulu people. When Jama nicknamed the man with a stern countenance, that's not a fun nickname. Sounds like real stick to the mud. When he died in 1781, his son,

Sanzan Gakona, big character, was in his teens. Sanzan Gakona would be Shaka Zulu's father. The oral traditions would say of him, he whose body was beautiful, even in the famine, whose face had no fault, whose eyes had no flaw, whose mouth was perfect. Got it, it was a male model. It was the Zulu Zulander. Senzán Gacona was a handsome and athletic prince. The oral tradition of his people, he knew

the legend that one of Marlindella's descendants would become a great king. He hoped it would be himself. Come on, please. That wasn't. Then he hoped he would father the chosen one. Senzán Gacona along with other boys his I had an important job of watching over the tribe's cattle as a kid, as the cattle meandered through pastures and valleys and search for grass to graze on. Back to cows now, of course we are. Sometimes the cattle graze on other tribes, land one tribe, the Alon Gaini got pissed about this.

They sent some emissaries over to the Zulu people to discuss, yeah, clearing up a little border scrimmish. Before they could reach the Valley the Emissary ran into a Sanzan Gakona and his band of young herders Sanzan Gakona took on the negotiations the two tribes managed to come to an agreement The Zulu people invited the emissaries to a feast during the feast asked their guests about the Elangany women Fuck yeah, they did noise Now when the Emissaries returned to their land, they spoke of the hospitable

and very handsome prince who had taken a great interest in their women. And this got the girls talking. Several Ilan Gaini women very intrigued and by intrigued, I mean, wet, probably. I mean, this was after all the Zulu Zulander. One of them was Nandi, baby Ilan Gaini, Ilan Gaini, daughter of baby, a former chief. She decides she wanted to meet this handsome prince. So she undertook a four hour journey to the Zulu's grazing territory, escorted by a group of girls of Shaperone, but they couldn't find any Zulu's. They went back to the village. A few days later, they returned without a Shaperone. The girls settled at a makeshift campsite where they could spy

on the handsome young Zulu herders. The young men discovered the women's hideout with the women were or where they were and they decided to make some plans of their own. When the women arrived, the Zulu men surrounded them. They asked the women why they were there and Nandi responded that they'd come to meet the chief's son. But is that really why you have come here? One of the herders asked, yes, to see the prince, Sanzangakona, Nandi replied, why do you wish

to meet him? The herder persisted. Because he is hot as fuck. No, she didn't say that. She said because I like him, but you don't know him? The harder persisted, because he is hottest fuck. No, she didn't say that. She said, because I like him, but you don't know him. You don't even know who he is. She said, I know who he is. She probably winked.

She said, I know. And the harder responded, we'll see. The men lined up asked Noni to identify, sending down the Gakona, sure enough she did. As she declared that she wanted him as a lover, I knew it. I told you she was wet. There's a phenotomy. She led him to a makeshift shelter

where they ate food, they drank beer, and most likely fucked a whole bunch of times. Not kidding. The other girls soon left, Nani decided to stay with Zulu Prince. They were not even engaged. They had this occurred in Europe. This would be a big scandal.

Her virtue would have been gone. She would have been branded a harlot. Not as big of a deal here. Zulu people saw nothing wrong with premarital sex, asterisk, kind of. They saw nothing wrong with a very specific form of what they consider to be premarital sex.

This is kind of weird. They condoned a type of external intercourse, a form of coitus without penetration, allowed to unmarried couples. It was expected to occur at a time in young people's lives, known as the fun of the roads. That's awesome. Both people expected to keep a certain amount of self control.

The idea was that lovers would get to release some sexual tension, but the woman would never get pregnant. Older women taught younger women how to avoid pregnancy with one of the techniques being squeezing one thighs together to prevent penetration. So it would be like, clitoral kind of stimulation, but nothing inside. They taught them how to be dry, hump, ninjas, and the men were taught to be thigh gap fuckers. Penetration before marriage, no bueno.

Little bit of thigh gap fucking. All right. Nanday and Sonsan Gakona were happy together, but then Nanday got pregnant. So they did a little more than thigh gap fucking. Somebody snuck up on in there. Not good, not before marriage and this led to them not being happy. It's a big scandal. Chief Mabengi, a leader of the Alonganese, sent to the delegation to confront the Zulu's

about their lack of decontrol in the situation. The MS series confront Sanzan Gakona, accused him of being the father of Nandhi's child, and then the Zulu regent Mahuli or yeah, speaking on behalf of him, the Nai is at Nandee's child and then the Zulu regent, Mahuli, uh, or yeah, uh, speaking on behalf of him, the Nai is at Nandee is pregnant. He says to them and I love this. This is a quote from their oral traditions. She is sick with Isaka the beetle. That is all. Do not anger us with these wild stories. It is the girls fault. However, if there were to be a child, we'd prefer it to be a boy. Now go. What's nonsense? She's not pregnant. Her belly is swollen because of a beetle. However, if she is pregnant, but if she is pregnant,

but if she is, it's 100% her fault. She didn't squeeze her thighs tight enough, but she's not, but if she is, we'd like a boy. Now get out of here. Love the, an intestinal beetle is the go-to excuse here for a pregnancy. I wonder what other excuses for pregnant bellies people have made over the years. God quickly jumps to mind.

How many women impregnated by God before Mother Mary? Zeus got a lot of ancient Greek women pregnant. The Zulu quickly reject Nandina or unborn child. Sanzangakona takes a different woman for his first wife, Molly, their first child, a boy, ends up dying young. Then they have a girl who survives since Uncle Conan's second wife does not bear him any children. Meanwhile, Nandi has given birth to her son along while ago.

And then got his wife still haven't given him any male heirs and apparently this makes him angry with Nandi, right? He has a son, but not an heir. And this son will lead us right into today's time suck timeline. Right after a word from today's sponsors. Thank you for listening. Shrap on those boots soldier. We're marching down a time suck timeline. July 1787, Shaka Zulu is born in the Kwa Zulu Natal.

That's where it is today, Province of South Africa. Since Zulu means heaven, the name he will come to be known as in the West Shaka Zulu, translated literally means intestinal beetle heaven, awkward, not exactly the coolest name for a ruler, but does sound cool when you say it in English, you know, when you say, I guess not in English, we say it's Zulu. Shaka Zulu sounds cool. In testinal, beetle having not as cool. Shaka Zulu's birth causes problems for both his parents.

The elongating refuse to forgive Nandi for not closing her thighs tighter. And the Zulu began to doubt that Sen-Zan Gokona will be a good ruler since he can't produce a legitimate air. I shall make her regret the day she tricked me. Sen-Zan Gokona tells Mule his regent. When the threat reaches Nandhi, her response is immediate. She says, I shall call my child Shaka. A little callback to Nandhi's obvious pregnancy being unconvincingly dismissed as an inflection of an intestinal beetle, known in Zulu medical circles as Shaka. Nondi decides to own this. She also knows that with the birth of her son, right? These old rumors have been reignited.

Maybe he's going to be the chosen one, Shaka Zulu, the chosen one, Sanzangakona sends executioners to kill his child. So he could never interfere with a rightful heir. Should he have another son, but Shaka and his caregivers escape? As the years pass, Nondi and Shaka live in relative seclusion amongst the Elangani. They are ridiculed, they're ostracized. She's a tainted woman, he's a bastard son.

On their own together, socially, Shaka develops a deep love for his mom, a thick skin against insults that are flung his way. When Shaka's a small child, Nandi, and Sanzan could go at briefly reconcile. Sanzan could cone his wife, Makabe, feels compassion for Nandie, one of his wives, and arranges for her and her son to live with them. Nandie becomes Sanzan Kukona's third wife for a while, apparently they work through his trying to kill both of them, seemed like that would be a little hard to get past. Different times,

I guess. Second girl, or I'm sorry, second child, a girl named, non, noncuba is born to them. Then their relationship falls apart again. The strong wild nondi begins to see her husband as a weak man, a pampered royal who only wants to father children to have many wives. Because Sonsan Kukone ignores the prophecy about the chosen one, it seems he has no plan to increase Zulu people's power. The time to Zulu is, you know, a small clan in the Tethwa Confederation. It's ruled by another king.

Dengue's Waiow. Dengue's Waiow will eventually play a huge role in Shaka's life. As Shaka grows up, he begins to see that he's never, you know, really welcome at any of the various royal homesteads. He and his mom live on. Also, Nandhi determined to be treated like a Zulu queen.

She remains steadfast in her belief that her son is the chosen one. I shall be respected and you, my little fire shall one day be a great man. Oh, shall tremble before you." She tells her son. And she was right about that. Many will tremble. Shaka allegedly a big kid. There's a child, real big full of muscle.

Much bigger and stronger than other kids is age. Because of this, he's given the important task of hurting a bunch of his tribes goats by the age of just five or six. But then because he is you know bigger not just a little kid he loses a goat loses a pet goat belong to his dad and I guess dad fucking love this goat is like dad's favorite goat. Some sources say this goat may have been eaten by a wild dog and this leads to a big fight between his parents great. First there was all the cow drama we just start to past it. Now we're into fucking goat drama territory. Non-defensor son, saying he's just a little kid, right? Slip up his nothing, especially now in comparison

to Sanzon, Gukona's, many failures as a leader. Yikes, things escalate quickly. Went from white cant to boy, be better watching goats, so you're fucking failure of a man. Why do you let the Bethuzzi and the Amakuni harass and torment the Zulu's? Nandhi shouted him. How can you allow the Bethesiy, the warriors to capture you and then ransom you for cattle? But I guess that's some mess up that happened. And why do you allow the Zulu's to remain in fear of their neighbors? Do not speak of the failures of my son.

Look to your own. Well, this tongue lashing does not sit well with Sanzangakona. It happens around H03 because of it. Nandhi and Shaka are kicked the fuck out. Nandi's given the nickname Loud Voiced One. Mm-hmm. You can't get like a Zulu Karen among the Zulu people. The nickname says a lot.

Shaka's mom, not a wallflower, not a door match. Quick to ask to speak to the manager. Carrying her infant daughter, leading Shaka Nandi, takes the long dusty road back to the Ilan Gaini's lands. She traveled first all those years ago when she wanted to see the handsome Zulu prince. This time her return brings even deeper shame that her first go around with the Zulu Zulander. She now has to endure mockery for her son's illegitimate parentage and for being expelled from her husband's home. In the eyes of the tribe, she has ruined the Ilan Gaini's reputation. This woman will bring the tribe, she has ruined the Alangani's reputation.

This woman will bring the end of us predicts her father, Mabengi, where she will be the ruin of the Alangani. Dude, it sounds like a drama queen. All right. So she ran her mouth a bit. It's a little bit of a caring, but come on. Calm down, Mabengi. The tribe made up songs to torment her in response.

90 doubles down the idea that her son will be a legendary warrior. And, you know, she'll have her revenge on all these people. One day my son, you'll be a great man. She tells him you'll be a respected king and military leader of many clans. You will fight at the head of many warriors. All will bow before you. You're really building up with confidence. Shaka does well in this new home, only into his skills and physical size. He quickly graduates from her and goats now to her and cattle, even though he's much younger than the other boys he's working with with the cattle. But he is merciless. He taunted by the older boys, apparently a favorite taunt. They would throw towards him was, this is the quote, your little penis is like that of the abattoir. And again, the abattoir being

pig me. So they call him pig me dick, nice. It'll create a variation on micro-peen. And Herd boys, as they were called, wore no clothing at the time. So this really had to sting. Everything was on display. So if you had a huge dick, this taunt wouldn't carry much weight, wouldn't it make any sense? So the poor dude, at least as a kid, maybe had a little baby wing. Rough peering history, rough place to have a tiny wing, hard to blow off those taunts when you can't throw a sock in your boxers, then throw some jeans on over that. They also give Shaka an old flea-written animal pelt to sleep under, all rotting shitty,

emphasizing the fact that they did not consider him to be royalty. He was not a chosen one to them. He's old, micro-pean flea pelt. No one wants to be micro-pean, flea-pelt. Torment him even further. The tribal elders give him the task of threshing millet, which was seen at the time, exclusively as women's work. Then when he had cattle, other members of the tribe would take the best grazing land.

Wouldn't let Shaka's cattle access the good drinking water. The older and the bigger boys would drive Shaka's five cattle to the outskirts of the herds, leaving them to feed on scrubby grass and twigs. It's hard to keep them healthy on bad food like that. His cows grew skinny, didn't produce as much milk, it was shameful, didn't have as much meat, more cow drama, never ends. His cow shaming unintentionally helps shock a grown strong. He ends up having to walk long distances to find his cattle food, you know, build him up.

Still his older peers fuck with him, they make him do shit like a lick porridge off his spoon. They heat in a fire until it's white hot. It burns his tongue and mouth. In another instance, they tell him to dig a hole to retrieve some porcupine eggs, which are not actual eggs because porcupine still eggs. It's vegetation. And then as he digs, you know, in the soft earth, his hands, he finds fresh human shit. Gotcha, Shaka nailed him.

You just got shit hold. You just fell for the old, that's not a porcupine egg hole, that's a shit hole prank. I just took a dump in there. Ha ha, who hasn't fallen for that a time or three. Now, when he fights back with, you know, get up, you're getting shit on his hands, they beat him with a reed switch. Well, they beat him, I guess he never cries or flinches, which makes the boys beat him more.

The tribal elders apparently also cruel to Shaka. As a son of a king, he should have been given a proper food receptacle to eat out of, but instead he's fed dollops of hot bubbling milk curds, ladled into his hands, which burned them. He knows that if he complains, he's going to be beaten, so he just endures the pain silently. They are creating a monster now, hoarding these legends, and they will soon regret it. Nondi will tell Shaka, the one offended never forgets. It is the offender who forgets.

Do not fear my son. Our time will come. We must be patient. She wants revenge. Shaka soon becomes strong and capable, and then the tormenting slows down. But it's too little too late, mother fuckers. Not gonna forget about that shithole anytime soon.

After a while, only the biggest of the boys, dare to taunt Shaka. The rest start to open up to him, letting participate in their games. He excels in these games. Shaka excelled at this game where the player would throw a knife at a big round melon, more melon talk, as it would roll down a mountain alongside a line of herders at the stab or it could hit the melon. You got to go to the top of the line of boys, a better spot and symbolically top

of the herders hierarchy. Despite not even having reached puberty yet, Shaka consistently ends go to the top of the line of boys, a better spot, and symbolically top of the herders hierarchy. Despite not even having reached puberty yet, Shaka consistently ends up at the top of the line. He's always beating the others. He's the best knife-thrower. The former contempt and ridicule, ridicule the other herders gradually turns to bitterness and jealousy. And then on one particular day, Shaka doles out his first ass-whiping.

He decides to make a pair of fighting sticks from these long, straight branches of a tree. He carries them while he's hurting his cattle. Mine's me of being a little kid having like a wooden sword in the yard, pretending to be this great warrior. But Shaka was, he was a little more committed to this role. This was a more of a realistic prospect for him. And then these sticks come in handy when one of the largest of the village bullies, this kid named Benwise whose name meant fighting for land, walks up to Shaka, grabs Shaka's fighting sticks, one of them smacks him across the face with it, very insulting. No one likes to get hit and face with a stick.

And he says, so you, so you, so you who has come here in disgrace, you now have made fighting sticks. I suppose you are not afraid to use them now stand and fight. And Shaka does stand and fight. And he goes on to absolutely beat the shit out of this older bigger dude fights over in moments. And then look, looks at some other boys who had gathered around to watch this and says something along the lines of who's next. Yes. A line straight out of a 80s action movie. He was like Zulu Steven Segal Chuck Chuck Zulu Norris, Peewee Zulu Herman. May, I don't know. Maybe not that last one doesn't play. No one volunteers to fight him next.

Shaka goes back to milk and a cow just, you know, feeling good about fucking dition out an ass whooping. All intestinal beetle heaven is done getting fucked with. No more sticking his hand and shithole for micro-peen flea pelt. With his victory things start to change for Shaka. The herd boy start whispering stuff like, he is as strong as an ox. He strikes with his speed of a snake. We should probably stop talking about his tiny wing. And people stop fucking with him.

Having that little dick, that's what made him strong. That's why it's good to have one. That's why it's lucky, right? I mean, it is cool if you have one, right? Word of Shaka's accomplishment spread around the land, even in the neighboring Zulu territory. Again, people start to wonder, is he the chosen one? And this all happens again before shock hits puberty.

Shock is puberty ritual leads to more drama. When Zulu boys the time entered puberty, they would go through a ceremony in which amongst other things, they'd be given special clothes to wear. Most important of this clothes is a rear flap of supple hide and a loin covering usually made from the tail of a Gennett Mongoose or monkey and

When Shaka's time for the puberty ceremony comes his father reluctantly summons Shaka to the ceremony and then gives him a tiny baby monkey tail for his loin cloth Gotcha again Shaka. Here you go micro-peaned flea pelt This teeny tiny little fucking Floss thin strip of peilt, more than enough to cover up your baby dick. And everyone points and laughs. It runs away crying. No, just kidding.

No, his mom tells him, be wary of my son. My eyes and ears here have also told me of talk amongst your brothers. There's great jealousy in their bellies. They are soft and pampered, but they have influence. You must take care. Thinking on what his mom said, he decides not to go. Why must I go back to that nest of hornets? He asks his mom.

My own father has dishonored you. He rejected me. If I believed the loose tongues, he would have had me killed. I shall now not acknowledge him or my brothers. And this, you know, pisses brothers off. This pisses dad off. He pisses off Makadama heir to the Elangani chiefmanship or chiefsmanship. Bang wise, the guy that Shaka had beaten that stick fight was Makadema's good friend. Makadema now becomes obsessed with proving his authority to Shaka. I am the chief's chosen heir. Makadema declares to Shaka one day and I am a person of consequence. I expect to have respect and obedience from all others. That means you as well. He says, I have the rank to demand it. And then Shaka's like, dude, shut the fuck up. I'll beat your skinny

ass with stick. He didn't say that. Not those exact words, but he said something close. He said, you don't have the ability to earn my respect. Do you forget so soon what happened to bang wise? They probably winked. Ah, gotcha. Then later when they drank at the stream, Shaka provoked Makadama openly. Shaka refused to drink at a point on the stream below Makadama spot. Instead, Shaka went upstream, knelt to drink there, and then just to fuck with Makadama, Shaka stirred up mud in the water, which then floated down to Makadama. He got drinks of mud water. And Shaka told him, you will not make me honor you above my mother. You cannot break my will. And Makadama sounded like he kind of ran off crying. I told the tribal elders and his parents about Shaka's behavior.

Everyone saw it, he moneyed my water. He did it, I break my mother my mouth. We got a banish him. I hate micro-pean-fleet pill. He sounds like a little whiny cry baby. Tension the tribe escalates. Then Shaka and Makadama, they get into a big snaffoo. Some kind of weird argument.

I ended up not trying to include it because it literally makes no sense to me. But the point is they got an argument. And then Shaka gets so mad in this argument. Instead of stabbing Makadama, what she wants to, he just, I walk off and he stabs this nearby cow in a moment of rage. Dude had anger issues. I've been very mad many times. I've never been so mad.

I've worried about just impulsively stabbing a random animal standing near me. Shaka stabs us cow during a famine and the cow dies and this is bad news. This is inexcusable. The Elongany promptly disowned Shaka and his mom now. They're banished. So many Elongany lands are ordered to return back to the Zulu's cow drama. It's constant. This is a weird story so far, right? But I like it. The Zulu's hereulu's cow drama. It's constant. This is a weird story so far, right?

But I like it. The Zulu's here about the cow drama. Not kidding. They refuse to take him in. They're like, we heard about the fucking cow you get here. You can't come over here. Shaka and his mom, they've been bouncing back and forth between these two tribes.

Shaka's entire childhood and now neither of these tribes want him. And then Sanzan Gagona, Gagona, excuse me, takes it one step further and hatches another plan to kill Shaka. Before he leaves, Elon Gany lands. This is the second time his dad's trying to kill him. But Bangi, the leader of the Elon Gany apparently collaborates on this plan, everybody wants him dead.

And a group of Zulu assassins go out to kill Shaka, but Shaka is worn in time by someone friendly and makes an escape. He finds his mom, they scrapicator some supplies, they head towards the coast now where the Kwabay people live. Fear is no part of it. Shaka tells his mom, the only thing now is courage. For four days, the refugees wind their way over Hilly Country to the southeast and then a sub-clan of the Kwabay take them in temporarily. Someone named these relatives are there. Nonday stays with the tribal leader, Nagandanyana, who receives her affectionately. Pretty sure I fucking nailed that word, by the way. Very proud of myself just for a few seconds. Shaka was now about 15 years old. Here he starts to

learn more about the strict social hierarchy, the governs, the Unguni peoples, Nandi and the Gandandiyena. It's tricky that time. Soon have a son. They skipped a thigh gap fucking. They get married to go for the real thing. They seem like they're going pretty well right now, but then a famine rages, and soon the chiefs, other wives are like, oh, we don't want none anymore. And again, she was kind of a Karen. She's probably not making friends. So they're like, we don't have enough food, too many amounts to feed, and they kick her out. So she gets married. This chief comes in one of his wives, then doesn't get along with other wives, and then they get bounced again. They're told to go back to Central Zoodulu land. What the fuck is going on in the story? Homeless again, the three of them now. Shaka and his little sister, his mom,

they end up taking temporary refuge with another chief, Guani of the Emma Kunwini, and then Shaka's father tries to kill him a third time, sends presents to this chief, asks that he arranges for assassins to kill Sh up with the chief refuses. So the chief sounds kind of nice right now, but then the chief also kicks out shock at his mom because his tail is insane. And there's that famine still going on. This is no one wants. He's fuckers. So now non-inner children move on again.

This time to the Tethwa land where non-his aunt lives. At this time, Tethwa, the throne, their throne is occupied by the aging chief Job. He's dealing with the effects of the famine as well. He can't arrange for Naughty to stay there very long. He kicks him out, but he does send him to another person, to a friendly person named Nagamani, respected headman. Nagamani notices how much stronger and more athletic shock it is compared to other boys' age. So he decides to take shock under his wing and he and his mom now live in his village knowing that he would likely have to endure bullying again. Shock as secrets secretly starts practicing daily with his fighting sticks now, it's included spot in the woods. And he ends up beating several people's asses. And he gets respected and then he becomes feared. The young boys in

this village start to advise one another. Stay clear of the tall newcomer. He is unpredictable. He does not know the meaning of fear. In the next seven years, uh, end up being probably the most stable of Shaka's life. Finally, not getting banished. Finally, we have a little bit of stability now. No more cow drama for a second. This feels like a, uh, uh, a good spot to take another little quick sponsor break. He's finally able to focus on building those RC Dune Buggies

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That made me very happy. Back to Shaka now. Okay, so men, you know, he's got some stability. He's gonna be in this place for several years. I started to get along with people. The men of this village now, it's started teaching about the natural world as well as domestic and military affairs,

the practice of the Tetoah. All this information will come in much, you know, very handy later. Like Amani, who had taken in Shaka under his wing, does the same with some other promising boys. You, and then he starts sending out a group of four or five of them to explore the area, the explore the coastal other promising boys. You and then you start sending out a group of four or five of them to explore the area, the explore, the coastal lowland region.

They become familiar with the train and the people that live there. This is a central part of a young warrior's education going out, meet new tribes. The past issues of Shaka's mom don't seem to matter to to a to a job or a son. Dingo's why no, no, go money kept Dingo's why up to date with Shaka's progress. Dingo's why support will play a huge role in Shaka's whyo. Nogemani kept Dingo's whyo up to date with Shaka's progress. Dingo's whyo's support will play huge role in Shaka's later accomplishments. Under Nagame's Tudelage, Shaka spends a month exploring the coastal lowlands,

studying the lifestyles and locals, learning about their foods, medicines, iron making, trading practices, lifestyles. Nogemani wants to tell Shaka, you Shaka will one day have a great task to do in the West. I especially expect to hear no complaint from you. Learn about the customs of different people. One day you will rule over a great diversity.

One day when you are aligned and no longer a cub, perhaps I shall bow the knee to you, but for now listen and learn. And Shaka does learn, learns all kinds of shit, learns how to use iron axes, various spears, fighting sticks, clubs, shields. He learns various traditions, ceremonies, rules of etiquette, protocols, medical techniques, even the legal and judicial processes of the people that he visits. He learns various combat techniques, and soon no one can defeat him and sparring matches.

Well, no one can beat him before. But now he's even more powerful. He trains, trains, trains, some more. The training is especially important because just north of them, the Nethawande people who live under the dreaded ruler, Zweeday are growing more and more powerful and expanding their territory.

Nonday constantly reminds Shaka that he is a destined for greatness, as prepared to be a leader. She tells her son, keep everyone in your mind, the spirits of the old kings of your lineage for theirs is the power that will aid you in times of need. She lists out his ancestors, She tells her son, keep everyone in your mind, the spirits of the old kings of your lineage. For theirs is the power that will aid you in times of need. She lists out his ancestors, the important male ancestors, but she does not mention Shaka's father's name.

Dude, couldn't even keep his dick in a simple thigh gap. He's not going to get name now. He's tried to kill Shaka three times. So, fuck him. In 1805, an assassination attempt on the aging chief job is perpetrated by his two adult sons, Tana and Dingo's Wio. Then the Tana is assassinated. Dingo's Wio escapes with a spear lodged in his back after this plot is discovered.

That had to sting a bit. Then Aero stuck in your back, it would be a motherfucker, but a spear, that's going to mess your wake up. Dingo's Wio finds refuge in the footh of the Drakensburg, living amongst the Kwabe and the Lungany people, one of his sisters nurses him back to health the next year, 1806, while Tending cattle, Dingo's wild runs to the white explorer Robert Cohen sent inland from the Cape that year within his escort of indigenous soldiers known as Khoi Khoi, two wagons to find a route to Delegoya Bay, County Cross the Orange

River, South Africa's largest river traveled north before swinging around east and entering the land of the Unguni and route to Delegoya Bay. Cohen was a surgeon and record show he operated on the knee of a Hulubee chief with some success. Some success is now sound awesome, better than no success, I guess. Shortly before Dengazwaiow had heard about his father, Job's death, decides to return home, claim the Tethwock Chiefmanship. He also offered to guide Cohen's party to the east, leading the surgeon to the coastal lands.

The journey is cut short when Cohen is burned to death within a hut, somewhere in the land of the Kwabe. Whoops, now it sounds like it's probably an accident. You know, sometimes you go into a hut and you're fine. Other times, you end up burned to death. That's the real trouble with huts. The constant risk of getting accidentally burned to death. Some speculated that this didn't get why-o killed Cohen,

burned him alive, obviously. He came back riding a creature no one in the region had seen before a horse and he carried a brand new weapon in good. What a return, showing back up with a brand new animal, carrying a brand new weapon and gun. What a return shown back up with the brand new animal carrying a brand new weapon. Dink is wild arrives home to find the Tetawas throne had been claimed by his younger brother, Mauiue, with his gun and horse. Wasn't hard for Dink is wild to take over, you know, shoot him.

I'm a gun and horse when you're fighting some with neither. It's a big advantage. The Spaniards prove that when they mother fuck central and South American empires with their conquistadors, I'm away, way. Uh, yeah, he dies. Dingo's wild now begins to assert his authority. At first, he rules over the Tetoah, then he sets his site over the entire region, wants to take over bunch people.

And he starts building up a federation, ends up building a federation of 50 tribes through a combination of diplomacy and warfare. Now the chief, Dingo's wild has a very capable young warrior at his side, PD hugs and stuff. Now he has Shaka Zulu, Mr. and Testinal Beetle Heaven. Though he's only 16, Shaka admitted to the circle of senior advisors. It's a great honor. And at the time, Lime C's a little confusing. Sometimes these guys reference older and younger, it's because it is.

It's because they're trying to combine various oral traditions into kind of one narrative. Sometimes people bounce around a little bit. But you get the gist of it. And one meeting, Dingo's wild, lays out his political aspirations to Shaka. He says, I intend to bring all domestic clan feuds to an end. I shall assert an overall military control over the area around the coastal lowlands. And we shall penetrate further inland at the heart of the country. The strategy will end the incessant intertribal bickering that we now have. It is also necessary to stop the expanding next one day. And we also need to pacify the Guani and Hulubee tribes to the north.

The new chief begins to develop a powerful military force. He forms new units with distinctive names and uniquely colored shields. Formation of these new units reinvigorates the Tettwap. They begin to feel like a cohesive, powerful tribe. Young men in the military start forming strong bonds that cut across clan or tribal rivalries. Their allegiance only now is to the king. This is new.

But then neighboring tribes get similar ideas start building little mini-empires their own. Zweeday, who led the Netwonde, and then, oh, this guy's name. No pronouncing guy was given. This guy is a special trick one. Pakatawayo, maybe. We led the Kwabe a special trick one. Pucket the Waiol, maybe. Le decuabe, and Matawane, who led the Nettwonde, a different faction, also busy building up their forces.

As well as fighting these military units to all their own hunting and supply sourcing, they wear cow tails and their arms and legs. As well as on their chest and back, they have special kilt's made of animal tails, thongs made from woven pelt's, otter leopard pelts flaps, hanging at the back of their heads. They have ear flaps made of monkey skin. That is quite an outfit. Man, when you see a dude coming towards you

with a spear and ear flaps made out of monkey skin, you know he is fucking coming for war. Or he's coming for a sandwich, or he's coming to ask where to find the spaceship. That has his dentures in it. He's becoming for a lot of things because he might be completely out of his mind It's an interesting outfit if you saw that now it's interesting outfit with his new fighting force Dingo's wild begins his conquest When he conquers a new clan he drafts units from the losing army into his own army a

Lot of monkeys dying around this time skin is in high demand a lot of ear flaps need to be made around this time. Skin is in high demand. Lot of ear flaps need to be made. Dingo's wild plans, marriages between, he and his women to ensure plans loyalty to him. Right, we've heard about this before. Genghis Khan did a lot of this. A lot of old conquerors did.

You ensure loyalty by marrying women from a lot of different tribes that you've conquered. Probably a great way to ensure a lot of different, you know, women are mad at you too. But then you have kids with them all. Now you're tied by blood to your conquered peoples. Now let's take a minute or many to describe how Dingu's why those battles were being fought.

This is so odd. This is a, we're gonna talk about the kind of warfare of being fought before Shaka Zulu, excuse me, changes it all dramatically. Prior to Shaka, tribal warfare in this region was largely non-fatal. Instead of having a battle that maybe were used to when thinking about like European history

or basically the history of any other place in the on-earth, Zulu soldiers for their battles would use these throwing spears. They would meet face to face on a pre-ordained battlefield at a pre-ordained time, but they would be a long ways apart from one another, like 100 to 145 feet from one another, like a hundred to a hundred and forty-five feet, you know, from one another, these two groups of guys standing face each other, a hundred and forty-five feet away from each other, roughly, and they

would just throw these spears at each other. Very few close engagements with very little hand-to-hand combat. They just line up and throw spears back and forth, often for many hours. They'll eventually, one side, get sick of trying to dodge fucking spears, and then they would drop their weapons, and that would acknowledge their defeat, and fatalities were rare. More of like a dangerous athletic competition than a battle, almost like a track meet match, where you throw your javelin against the other team's javelin throwers. Very odd.

Whoever lost, they'd lose some of their cattle, and they'd lose a little bit of land. Shaka first served as a messenger in these battles, delivering food shields, spears, Whoever lost, they'd lose some of their cattle and they'd lose a little bit of land. Shaka first served as a messenger in these battles delivering food shields, spears, sleeping mats. Sometimes these things would last for days. Everyone's still wild, stick fighting, but also come into play where people usually wouldn't not be actually killed, they'd be beaten with a stick. And Shaka would get in there and do some of this fighting, whoops and masses with some

sticks. Dingo's Wios favorite son was impressed by his battle skills, shock of the warrior. And as soon as shock and the young prince become friends that even eat from the same bowl, which is big honor, he's moving up in the world. Then around 1809, shock tries to talk Dingo's why and to change up their battle strategy. He's like, what if we just kill these guys? You know, he thought it was incredibly ineffective, just to throw spears and then let the enemy flee when the enemy didn't just come back later to throw more spears.

He's like, why don't we just fucking kill him? They wouldn't have to worry about him again. And why don't we just do some hand-to-hand combat. And he starts getting a little more aggressive in his hand-to-hand combat. He starts to try out some new techniques. He develops a bigger, heavier shield, one that could be used to bludgeon opponents, not just as a defensive weapon, but as a striking offensive weapon. He has the region's best ironsmiths, fashion name, a new type of spear that was used, not

to be thrown, but to kill in short, you know, hand-to-hand combat. Spears of the area in the time were made by digging iron from surface deposits, melted it in clay furnaces, heated by goat skin bellows. The smiths would work the ore into points, hammering with rocks from riverbeds, and he has a broad, bladed spear made for him on a shorter stick for close range executions. If swung hard enough, the weapon could cut through a man, apparently, according to legends,

and with a rip in a pole, it would make the sound of Ictlaw when torn back out of the flesh of an opponent. And that's how the Ictlaw got its name, this weapon that Chakazulu, and those after him would. In 1818, or 1811, when he's 23, Chakaz regimen is put under an experienced commander named Beesa. Dingu's WIO had become familiar with European warfare tactics around this time, wanted to try and put their ideas into practice. Still, however, Dingu's WIO's goal is to intimidate opposing forces, not to kill many of them. He doesn't want to exterminate them outright. He reminds his commanders that the goal is not toate opposing forces, not to kill many of them. He doesn't want to exterminate

them outright. He reminds his commanders that the goal is not to kill everyone, but Shaka doesn't listen. Regardless of his chief wishes, he begins to fight to the death. Dingo's wild must not have been too upset about this because he promotes him to commander. And he starts against a notoriety. Fellow warrior soon called him Dingo's wild hero. He is the great stabber, his comrades say. He also gave him a new nickname, the axe that surpasses all other axes. This is a fucking best nickname he's had so far.

This is way better than intestinal beetle heaven. It's a lot better than micro-peaned flea pelt, which no one called him. Shaka star is rising. It becomes legendary, then when he battles the ogre Alembé. We're gonna get into an ogre battle now. This ogre was apparently an angry giant who had troubled the Tetthewal for many years.

And this story has a lot of similarities to the tale of David and Goliath. If for sure did not actually happen, no way, it's crazy. That's a good, you know, legend building tale. Good piece of folklore. I imagine Zulu Elders telling it to awestruck Zulu children around campfires for many generations. According to this legend, a giant had been raiding cattle and pillaging area homesteads

before retreating to its mountain fortress in the Lambo mountain range. And randomly, I love this, this giant is a huge stoner, not kidding. But I mentioned that South Africans loved wheat. Yep. When the Dutch showed up to set up Cape Town back in 1652 the local poison and Bantu peoples were very familiar with Mary Jane. The Dutch assumed some early Indian or Arab people had introduced it into the region long before we're introduced it to others north of South Africa who then brought it down.

No one knows for sure. Early South African smoked weed to ease the pains of childbirth or they would, you know, chew on it. Sometimes they would do that to, you know, take the edge off sometimes to get high as fuck. Then the Dutch got a hold of it. Sometimes they would do that to take the edge off sometimes to get high as fuck. Then the Dutch got a hold of it. They started brewing it into teas. They also started baking it into foods.

So they could take the edge off, get high as fuck. The early edibles, Dutch doing some edible, eating a long time ago. We got to do a weed centric suck one of these days. Learn a lot about weed. Who were the first to smoke it? The first to eat it. Anyway, oral traditions say this ogre loves weed.

It was a red eye giant, but not so chill. It was a waken baker, single handedly crushed whole regiments. He also commanded his own army that helped him in raids. And this ogre supposedly also had magical powers that never really are described in specific detail. Maybe he had the power to fight really well while stoned. That seems kind of magical. weed does not make me want to fight at all.

Chills me out. Anyway, according to legend, Shaka is assigned to confront Alambe, the ogre and his men, and he brings four companies of warriors to fight. After complicated maneuvers against the mythical monster and his men, Alambe, Alembe, and Shaka end up in a one-on-one showdown on the battlefield, just like they would in some old kung fu movie, or in some period piece action blockbuster blockbuster like the 300 the battle between these two legends goes back and forth until shocker finally thrust his spirit to the giant's body with a killing blow. And then the god laugh the giant cries out I have eaten the random thing to say I know

but that's what the old story say the warriors cried out when they were defeated I have eaten shocker than disembowls the corpse so that spirits of death will leave the spirit, will leave to the spirit world and will not stick around and haunt him. Thank God. I was hoping you're going to do that. Yeah, get those guts out. God, I get those guts out unless you want to be haunted. Anyone who's battled a giant knows that.

Anyone who's ever battled a magic stoner, ogre knows that. The giant's forces then try to flee, but are cut down by shock as men. It's incredibly bloody. Impressed by shock as victory over the ogre, many of the Tethwaw warriors dipped their spears in the Giants blood to ensure that some of the strength of the fallen monster will now be theirs. Back at home, Nondi hears of shock as accomplishments as one would. If I can kill a giant, where is going to get around? She's very proud of her son. More battles come and end with similar results, more actual battles.

As Dingas' wilds army continues to conquer, they end up in Zulu territory after a while. Right, the land of Shaka's father, Zulu's still a small tribe. Shaka's father, Senzán Gacona, still around, still running shit. Equally agrees to pay tribute to his new lord, fearing that a confrontation with the fearsome army of Dingas' wild will mean his tribes in extinction. Here Dingazwio sees an opportunity to create a more prominent role for his young rising military star and have a warrior loyal to him ruled Zulu underneath his crown. Dingazwio knows that Sennzahn Gancona is no military leader and that his sons, Zulu Princess

princes, nothing more than pampered weaklings. If he puts Shaka in charge of the Zulu,azwayao feels he can use Shaka's allegiance to rally the tribes of central Zulu land against a growing menace of the Netwonde tribe that we mentioned before that threatened the Tetua from the north So this dingazwayao devises an elaborate plan to ensure that Shaka will become the ruler of the Zulu's in place of his father Devices in the elaborate plan to ensure that Shaka will become the ruler of the Zulu's in place of his father. Think as why I was familiar with the complicated and downright shitty relationship between father and son here, he decides to capitalize on that. Think as why I want to rub Shaka's accomplishments and his father's face so he invites his

father to his court. Since Zulu chief is now a subordinate, he wants to make a good impression on his first visit, traveling with his sons, counselors, courtiers, all of them clad in their best diplomatic attire. They head to the court and they arrive, the Tetoah, you know, the Tetoah, Mount a dancing display, the Zulu's dance first, then the hosts, part of this, you know, tradition ritual. During this dancing, Shaka appears with his huge war shield. He wears many wooden amulets and charms, signifying that he'd killed many, many in battle.

He also wears the magnificent kil't of mere cat,et mongoose tails showing his prowess as a hunter and of course the monkey ear flaps You know can't forget the monkey skin ear flaps. Don't look like some kind of silly asshole showing up without those Everyone in attendance admire shockas display of athleticism and all his you knowalia. His dad is impressed by this warrior in front of him, but he also doesn't recognize this warrior's son pulling Shaka aside and private after the dance that evening, ding his whyo gives him the following instructions. Go immediately, take these medicines, wash yourself with them on the path. Sonsangakona will take to in the river to bathe after the exertions of the dance. They will affect your father so that he can open his eyes and recognize his son. Go now. And goes whyo's servants direct to do the leader to of the dance, they will affect your father. So that he can open his eyes and recognize his son. Go now. And goes wild servants direct to do the leader

to a place downstream where they have doctored the area with powerful concoctions. This is part of the myth making, obviously. As we know, bathing upstream from a leader consider a sign of disrespect. So Shaka's peers flee. Shaka stands his ground. He stands naked and proud in his father's presence.

And for the first time, Sanzang Gakona realizes the impressive young warrior who danced so well was his son. The son he had tried to kill three times. Awkward. What do you say in a situation like that? Hello, son. Ha, how are things?

How was your mom? You look well. Hey, I'm sorry about it. You know, abandoned you and trying to kill you all this time. Parenting am I right? So so challenging. You'll understand someday. I'm gonna take off. That evening, Sanzang Gakonen, his sons are shown into Dingas, Wios Hut. There the Deathwap poison him. Poison will take a long time to kill him, which is kind of weird. The old seldom used very slow poison poisoning.

time to kill him, which is kind of weird. The old seldom used very slow poison poisoning. Then in accordance with tradition, each of the Sintaga Conas' sons and favorite warriors are introduced as the rest of the group shouts praise. Each of Dingo's wios, you know, introduced the same way. Several of the most noted, that's why warriors enter rank from the least to the greatest as singers roar praises of each shock enters last. He's the most highest regardless warrior warrior dressed in full battle regalia. Singer shout his praises.

The one whose fame spreads even as he sits, the acts that surpasses all of their acts. Dingo's whyo asks the Zulu chief, oh, does the chief then see the beast from the place of his people? Do you see your calf here? More cow talk. I see the beast. Shaka's father replies. Then why did you drive him from your home? Shaka's father has no answer.

It's just very tense right now. Ding is why it continues. He is your son by the Alangane. He is a great warrior who killed Alangane, the madman, the giant in open combat. And he has a request to make of you. Shaka then approaches his father. I asked for one of your spears, shocker says, knowing that Sonsangakona had brought many with him. After an uncomfortable pause, some uneasy shuffling by his sons, Sonsangakona says, choose one.

Shocker then chooses the best of the spears, knowing it was the one assigned to his father's chosen heir. But that is for Sengkazwana. Some of my great wife, his father says. Shocker frowns, picks up the weapon anyway. He walks over to his half brothers, and then in a sign of dominance, I love this. He walks down the line of him,

and he's fucking pops him on their heads. Pop, pop, pop. Standing in front of Singuana at the end, he says, greetings my brother, and then he plunges the spear into the floor of the hut, and he storms out. Shaka's brothers are frozen in awe. Their father was po you know, poisoned.

He's not feeling so great. He says nothing. Later that night is a final act of harassment. Shockas sneaks up onto the roof of Senganzo, Sanzan Gakona's hut, and he spills a foul smelling concoction on the roof, which dribbles through the thatch onto his sleeping father. Noice!

Classic abandoned sun, vengeance move. Pour some stink juice on dad. Climb up onto the roof of a poison father's hut, and You spill rancid liquid. Now I'm making him smell like shit I'll teach him we're trying to kill you three times Before the Zulu party leaves to return home didn't didn't his whyos Jesus think his while tries to persuade them to take shock up back as a new chosen air, but his father refuses A little more uneasily, but he refuses. Now he knows he has to watch his back. He has no idea his rejection will not matter. He's a walking dead man because of

the poison. In 1816, his son, Zangakona, would never fully recover from the poison dies after a lingering illness. Then, Denguez Wayo has the heir to the Zulu throne assassinated that brother that the spear was thrown down in front of of and he puts Shaka in power. Shaka returns home at long last to claim the Zulu throne, prepared to fight anyone that challenges him to the death. No one challenges him. Shaka quickly takes control of his father's homestead, settles down to rule the Zulu nation, which is now between 1500 to 2000 people.

When he takes over, the Zulu is amongst the smallest of hundreds of tribes in southern Africa. Shaka waste no time in asserting his authority. He begins by settling some old scores, killing some bullies that fuck with him in his youth, right? Who has their hands in the old shithole now assholes? He removes anyone. He thinks my pose of problem before assembling a few trusted advisors, even though the Zulu's have all treated him badly. He knows he has to cooperate with some of them. I must honor the ancients of my lineage, she tells his advisors, for am I not he, whose will is iron?

Have I not lived the head of an asagai? I shall have I not lived by the head of an asagai, that spear. I shall raise this nation to greatness as Manda Mollandela predicted. Every time I see that name, I wanna say Mandela. Are you with me and the chair? As the new head of the Zulu people, Shaka then begins to take over nearby clans

and gain more soldiers. Meanwhile, things not going great for Zold tribe, the Tethwa. The Tethwa had attempted to invade Nathawanda territory. And his old mentor and king, Diz, and Dengas Waiyo is captured and killed by their ruler, Zweeday. Zweeday assumes that Dengas Waiyo's confederation will now break apart after his rival's death. And then he can gobble up its constituent clans one at a time through a combination of treachery, intimidation, and military conquest.

With Dingo's Wios out of the way, Zweeday is the most powerful military and political ruler in the entire region, but Shaka Zulu doesn't give a fuck. He's now letting the man who killed the man who'd made him king take him down. He takes control of Morse surrounding tribes, such as raising a bigger army to rivals Weedays. He knows if he doesn't kill Weedays and his people, Weedays will sniff out or snuff out, snuff out. The Zulu Nation, very different, you know, word there. I'd be weird if I just kept going. He's going to sniff him out. He's going to find out where they are, maybe smell him. He's going to keep on going. Shaka works to increase his 400 man army into a 4500 man army roughly, so it's between

4,400 and 4,500. And just a year, the rivalry between Shaka and Zweeday becomes a major part of the first stages of tumultuous era in the region known as the Meppokane, the times of trouble, the struggle between Shaka and Zweeday for supremacy, God for supremacy. And compass is not only military matters, but economic and agricultural matters as well. Cattle still to currency the day. Shaka leads his right, Raiders to get as many cattle as much of the best grazing land as

possible. And then they also, of course, go to war. Shaka revolutionizes war here to defeat his rifle. Let's talk about how he does this. Shaka's method of hand-to-hand combat had now replaced spear throwing as a dominant fighting style. Now everyone in Shaka's army accepts that there is no mercy for defeated upon him.

We're not throwing some spears and let him go. We're killing him. Shaka also starts recruiting teenage boys to carry warrior supplies, freeing the warriors to move faster from battle to battle, have more energy when they get there. He changes the tribe's marital customs to make his warriors tougher. He makes it so that young men are not allowed to get married until they have proven themselves

in battle. Obviously, it makes them fight harder. Numbers of young women in the kingdom are assembled into these kind of military settlements, where they will wait to be warrior's wives. Officially until then, they are awards of the king sexual intercourse between members of male and female You know unmarried people forbidden Transgressions punished by death no word on whether or not the thigh gap fucking continued He also has the soldiers go barefoot so that their feet will become calloused and rough making them more agile and quicker in battle

He wants this entire army to be able to run between 30 and 50 miles in a day and then fight a battle at the end. I'm, man, I wouldn't make it. He even has them dance on devil thorns. It's tough in their feet up. These are the super spiky little birds, these little weeds, they look terrible. They look like they would cut your feet to ribbons. According to legend, he executes any soldier that winces while they dance on these razor-sharp

little spiky balls. Dancing is incorporated into his military tactics as well as debated whether or not Shaka introduced this. Whether he did or not, it would expand the Zulu Empire. Like marching and modern boot camps, Zulu regiments use collective dancing and chanting at festivals to practice unified action. Group dancing and chanting also creates a bond between soldiers. And it can be used as psychological intimidation.

You would have thousands of soldiers stamp their feet in unison to make the ground literally shake, creating an effect, you know, it makes it sound like it's a gigantic monster, you know, coming to destroy villages. He also has his warrior sing call and response chance, and has them rattled their spears against their shields. I guess it made a sound like rolling thunder and in deploying his army, Shaka would have his regiments sit with their shields edge to edge to the enemy concealing their numbers from a distance. At Shaka's command, the soldiers could stand up, flashed their shields forward, suddenly revealing their true numbers and

strength. The exception like this was new to the South African battlefield. Maybe most importantly, he develops this new battle formation called the Beast's Horns. These formations usually five ranks deep. Each file occupying about four feet of front. He imagined his deployed army as a gigantic buffalo. The center section was called the chest. This was backed up by the loins who acted as reserved to both support the chest and deliver the killing blow with enemy was about to break.

They would rest and wait early in the battles and sometimes have their backs turned to the fighting. So they wouldn't be tempted to rush in. And then when called these fresh soldiers, the loins with Russian and attacked the enemy on either side of this form, these formations were the horns. Each composed of one regiment, all the enemy's main force was absorbed in its battle with the chest. The horns would swing around, both wings and behind completely encircling him. By the time they realized they were surrounded, the enemy would start to panic when they would try to escape, the real slaughter would begin.

At this point, the toes would be quickly sent in. The toes were, you know, two groups of five pairs of warriors that tried to stay close to each other, but not touch. Sometimes one group would kind of lay on top of the other, slightly smaller group. Then there was the dreaded taint. The taint would hide between the ass and the balls, and they often weren't even seen in battle, but you could sense they were near, you could usually smell them, and that's not sense. No, the chest, loins and horns were the real formations. These formations would continue to be used long after shock his death. Over the years,

shocker used his new tactic to defeat many other chiefs in large in his territory, large in the territory of the Zulu's. He also became increasingly brutal. And some say he would eventually become mad. According to legend, shocker had his warriors clubbed to death if they showed the slightest sign of weakness in battle. Any hesitation, they would be clubbed to death. He would kill his own warriors if they ended up with wounds on their backs, because he would assume they were coward, who had run from an attack. And he also randomly started killing his shortest men, assuming they wouldn't be able to see the enemy approaching. And I don't know what that's funny to me. Michael, I see you have a slash on your back. Death to this coward. PD hugs and stuff. Get over here. You are, I don't

know, too short for my liking. Death to the little fella. Uh, shocking names is Capitol Silly. Silly, Capitol City, Bula whale, which apparently meant the place where they are killed, which if true is psychotic. Welcome to my city, the place where they are killed. Don't worry about where you're gonna stay, what you're gonna eat, not gonna be staying or eating for long. You're gonna be killed, that's what happens here. It's the worst city ever. Here he condemns anyone he remembers from childhood

who he hadn't already killed, who had treated him badly to brutal deaths. Shaka, as he's getting into this, you know, fighting more and more and expanding his empire, he does this strange, unconditional thing. He never takes a wife, never fathers any children, paranoid that an more and expanding his empire. He does this strange, unconditional thing. He never takes a wife, never fathers any children paranoid that an heir will plot against him.

If one of his concubines becomes pregnant, he has her executed. He's a single-minded dictator who will kill thousands for the sake of unifying the Zulu tribes. He didn't always destroy his opponents. He would also use patronage and reward rather than war and intimidation. Chiefs of tribes who surrendered to him were made commanders in his own tribe. That's kind of

similar to what a lot of ancient rulers did, like a gangus con. The traditional leaders of chiefdoms he conquered would still hold a local administrative authority once married. Young men who fought for him would return to live in their community of origin to help unify the people of Zulu land. From 1817 to 1818, Shaka finally fights his biggest rival, the Netawan day, led by Zulu. We heard about him for a while. This conflict called the Zulu Civil War will last over a year. In April of 1818, Shaka fights his first major battle against Zulu. In spite of being significantly outnumbered, he only had about 4,000 warriors to Zweeday's total army of 12 to up to 25,000 in some sources. Masterful strategy and tactics will win the battle for Shaka.

Shaka hears word of a planned invasion against him and he gets to work strategizing in defense. To delay the approaching and the one day invasion invading army under command of Zweeday's eldest son and heir, no minute Lajana, Shaka posts forces along the fords of the White Omphalazi River to delay the enemy, while the river is still relatively high. Meanwhile, he lays waste to the area to the south, Zulu side of the river, and moves most of his clan's non-combatants

and cattle into hiding, and then Nakandala forest on the southern extremities of Zulu land. He then places the bulk of his troops around the top of a now famous Gokdi hill with the reserve and all his supplies out of sight and a depression on top of the hill his army again about 4,000 warriors Uh, you know seems even smaller than that to the invading army just because the way you could kind of like see it on top of the hill No man Langeanna seen far fewer soldiers and he expected at the top of the hill, anticipates it's going to be a quick massacre.

He says like butchering cattle. His portion of his army stands again around 12, 25,000 men, eager to kill Shaka, to please his father and to please his grandmother, his grandmother's, wee, days mother, not some basie apparently kept a grizzly museum in her hut of all the heads of the chiefs that her son had killed. Proud mom, just keeping some heads my hut All my son killed that guy look at that guy over there see that guy that head the other head. Yeah, you killed that guy too And they they thought that you know

They could add shockers head to this. I guess this didn't gives why oh one of the most prized heads in this collection Sweet day intense to add againaka's skull to her collection, Shaka puts a plan together that relies mainly on four factors to tilt battle into his favor, demonstrating his expert knowledge of military theory and insight about opponents' psychology. First, he understands that even though he's heavily outnumbered, he can give his army a huge advantage

by purchasing higher than his opponent. Not only will the enemy tire itself out by climbing the big hill to fight him, but they won't be able to throw their spears uphill very effectively. The superior numbers of the of netto one day's army will also work against them. As they close in on the circular formation of the Zulu at the top of the hill, they'll have to crowd into one another, hampering their room to fight effectively. That's one factor.

Second is he relies on the rough barren terrain where he's fighting. The area around Gokli Hill is parched, stripped of any food. Stream beds are dry. Nearest water is a full mile away. He stalks his own men before the battle with plenty of water and food to last for many days of fighting. Loads these provisions, you know, hides them up on the hill. He's counting on the attacking netto-wondays, hot, thirsty, hungry men as they charge up the hill, as they exert

Themselves are gonna get physically psychologically weaker and his rested hydrated energized men are gonna be at full force And then the third a little factor Shaka knows his enemy can be greedy and he devises a plan to draw off a significant chunk of Nomenl and John's army by tempting them with an irresistible lure Don, he has a regiment of older men and 200 of his youngest soldiers take a herd of cattle. They're not done with cow talk to a mountain about seven miles south of Gokli and lead him away. He instructs the group to cause a loud commotion, making it seem as though the entire Zulu herd and half of their army is retreating.

He hopes that Nomenlin, Johnna's men are going to be unable to resist such a price. And that part of the army will splinter off and pursuit of precious cattle. And they do, it works. Not to want the not to want a general thinking he was seeing the entire Zulu herd and half their army fleece ends about 4,000 men to chase these cattle down. And then the fourth factor of this new fighting system, Shaka is confident in the discipline and training of his new army, right, in that Buffalo formation with their new weapons, their tough conditioning, their Spartan-like discipline.

He knows they have a chance at victory by about nine o'clock in the morning, on the first day of fighting, once all eight of the remaining in that one day regiments, probably around 8,000 men. But again, maybe as many as 20,000 men are arranged at the bottom of Gokli Hill. No minute, and then John gives them the signal for the attack.

And the first charge up the slopes, it quickly becomes apparent that netta one day superiority in numbers is a hindrance. Shaka Zulu is right. It's older, it's crowding to each other, makes it difficult for them to throw their spears effectively, which I get. And these are big spears, they're bumping into people, it's throwing off the aim. When Shaka orders a counter attack, his men, who have no throwing spears, they have these short stabbing spears, the Ictluss, they charge downhill, and they slice up the charging

forces. And then the enemy retreats, and then they gather again, they come back up the hill, they retreat again, it keeps happening as many as five attacks are made during that day. All failed to overwhelm the small band of Zulu's. Just after the fourth attack has been repulsed, Shaka sees a smoke signal to the south. This means he has little time left to destroy Nomenl and Lenzhana's main army before it's reinforced by the people coming back from chasing after that cattle. Nomenl and Lenzhana calculates based on the thinning

ranks of the four Zulu regiments, he can see on the hill that he still has a vastly superior force. He really thinks he can still take him. He's not aware of their ability to refresh themselves on the top of the hill. He also concludes that, you know, these Lulu warriors, they got to be getting this hot, tired, and thirsty as his own men. So he decides to make one last decisive attack. He moves 1500 of his warriors to the north of the hill in a gigantic attack column, about 20 men wide, 75 ranks deep.

Shockah can see very well what's coming. He feels the time is ripe for him to spring a trap. Time to send in the tank. No, he keeps his elite brigade out of sight, fresh and the hilltop depression, the loins. Now he unleashes them. They hadn't fought yet. They're 100% rested, hydrated, fully fed. And as the net to one day shot column charges up the hill, shockah launches his reserves into two encircling wings, completely enveloping the net to one

day column. The loins uses the horns. They hadn't expected such a large force to come out of nowhere. They start to panic, fighting off a much larger force. And this is the second day now. So I didn't mention that this is after two hot days, shock on his men inflict four times as many casualties as the enemy. The Zulu had an estimated 2,000 casualties that the one day incurred around 7,500. The battle is the first major field test of Shock as new army and his system of combat and it passes with flying colors. Everything has gone well for the Zulu's. They're disciplined, training, weapons, tactics, logistics, and strategic position. But this was only one battle in a greater war. While Shock as new tactics, tactics is newly trained army, he's shrewd battle plan saved his people

from extermination. Yet by no means eliminated the next one day threat. He knew Zweeday would soon be back with an even larger army, maybe smarter generals. Shaka had to rebuild his forces. The May of 1819 Shaka and King Zweeday's second major battle takes place. The Battle of Malatusei River, the Zulu army had now grown to around 10,000 warriors. Shaka's vigorous diplomacy with other tribes aimed to recruit angry warriors with scores to settle with Zweeday and attract thousands of such men.

Zweeday reinvaded with 18,000 under his best general yet, Shoshenganyi. By this time, Nettawanda had adopted Zulu battle tactics and weapons, so Shaka's new techniques would not hold the same advantage. Shaka now wore the invaders down with guerrilla tactics before launching a major attack. When the NETAWON day army was divided, it's across the Mlatuzé River. And for when this battle, Shaka uses another psychological tactic

and sends Zulu warriors to Zulu's headquarters in your present day, Nangoma, before messengers had brought news of Zweda's defeat. It's a little sneaky stuff here. As the Zulu warriors approach the camp, they pretend to be Nette Wanda warriors. They sing Nette Wanda victory songs. To get close to the village,

have all the villagers come out of their hiding places and come to embrace their warriors, and then they get fucking slaughtered. They slaughter all the men of fighting age, they capture many of the rest. A Zweeday ends up getting killed. Most of the Netsawande abandoned their lands, migrate north and establish Zool-like kingdoms in Zambia, Malawi, Mozambique, Tanzania. The Zweeday's bloodthirsty mother ends up getting executed by Shaka in a particularly

ghastly way by getting locked in her own skull museum with the ravenous hyena that eats her life. Yikes! Shoshengane, one of Sweden's generals fleeced to Mozambique with many of the Nathawanday and established the Gaza Kingdom. Meanwhile, Shaka's power military might continue to grow. By 1823, Shaka controls all the present-day Natal, the Zulu conquests greatly destabilized the region, resulting in a great wave of migrations by uprooted tribes. Around 1824, Shaka comes across his foot white. His comes across his first white adventures. While white colonizers would play a massive role in the history of South Africa, they play almost no role in the story of King Shaka Zulu.

They did, however, provide him medical care. After Shaka survived one of his many assassination attempts in order to receive the best treatment he called for white settlers to come and treat him as a sign of gratitude. He allowed them to settle in Port Natoll and that settlement becomes Durban, now the third most popular city in South Africa. In October of 1827, Shaka's mother Nandi dies and he goes,

bad shit, fucking crazy. Micro-peaned flea belt loses his mind. Holy shit, does he lose it? This will be the beginning of the end now for Shaka. It becomes a mad king. In his grief, he forces his entire kingdom to mourn his mother in some pretty extreme ways. He issues an order that no new crops

are to be planted for a year. He doesn't want anybody celebrating a harvest, well, he should be sad about his mom. And that plunges his people into famine. Someone would have he becomes mentally ill around this time too. He demands that no milk be used for a year. He doesn't want you to enjoy some milk

when you should be focusing on being sad about his mom. He demands all pregnant women and their husbands are killed. Don't become a mom and have that feel that joy. You're gonna take the focus of the memory of my mom, even all cows that give birth or killed so that calves can know how it feels to lose a mother. Final act of cow drama here. Jesus. He also has around 7,000 people allegedly executed for not mourning his mother's death

hard enough, not enough tears for mother and you die. Also since his army on extensive military operation. And when they return exhausted, he immediately orders them out again while he stays behind to do more grieving, just making a much insane decisions. And this will be the last straw for some of his Zulu chiefs on September 22nd, 1821, some lesser chiefs. The people that had enough of Shaka's cruelty. Shaka's half brothers, Dengane and Malangana. Malangana, they're realized that Shaka has gone mad. They have three assassins kill him when almost all of his warriors are away on yet another mass sweep to the north. According to legend, as the great king, Shaka's life ebbs away, he calls out to his brother, Dengane,

who will take his throne, his half brother. His last words are supposedly, brother, you kill me, thinking you will rule. But the swallows will do that. By swallows, he means white people because they made their houses of mud like swallows. Then he finished with, are you stabbing me, kings of the earth? You will come to an end to killing one another. And then he's buried in an unmarked grave made from an empty grain pit, which his brother's piled with stones and Quazulu Natal. It's 40, 41 years old, has no airs.

At the time of his death, Shaka ruled over roughly 250,000 people, and for starting with between 1500 and 2,000 people, dozen years before. Then Gani went on to rule for about 12 years as well, at which point another half brother at Mampande, with Bohr in British support support takes over Zulu leadership and rules for 30 years starting in 1840. In 1836, backing up a little bit, the earliest two eyewitness accounts were written of Shaka were written by European adventurer traders who met Shaka during the last four years of his reign.

And those are published. Nathaniel Isaacs collaborated with Henry Francis Finn, publishes travels and adventures in Eastern Africa, which portrays Shaka as a degenerate in a pathological monster, a feared and sane ruler. And then the last bit of our timeline here, 1955, the most popular accounts of Shaka Zulu's life published much later in EA Ritters 1955, novel Shaka Zulu, a Stami Romance later edited into something closely resembling the history, but not quite. Number of later historians will go on to modify and critique these stories.

And now let's get out of this timeline to look back at the legacy of Shaka Zulu. Good job, soldier. You've made it back. Barely. I'm fascinated in stuff, I think. I just love how different this suck was in many of the ones we've done. Just learning about such a different place in the world, where the customs and rituals

are so different than many of the European places we've explored before. Shaka Zulu was an inspiring brilliant military commander, as well as an expert politician who came from humble origins. You don't get to pull that many different tribal clans together without being a decent politician. He had a horrible childhood, which maybe explained why he became a sadistic and homicidal despot. It may also owe to the time in place he occupied where might made right.

Strong did what they wanted, weak head to suffer. Strong did what they wanted, the weak had to suffer. Strong did what I guess they maybe they had to do to be in charge. Shitty's his terrible childhood was. He also had the psychological benefit of knowing he was descended from a line of great Zulu kings. An impressive physical stature. All the stories say he was just a fucking big strong dude. An mom who never stopped telling him that he was destined for greatness. Revolutionized weaponry, military tactics, one countless battles. He also hated being tricked into grabbing shit,

maybe had a tiny penis, really loved his mom, never sold RC Doombuggies. About 10 years after his first major victory in battles, he was killed by his own people after losing his shit. He was buried in an unmarked grave, all those stories of shock, his brutality, and insanity are well known today. It is unclear how much of these stories are true.

So I shouldn't say that before we get out of here. There's just not much surviving evidence to confirm the accuracy of these stories, you know, in any kind of direction, stories around his birth, childhood, legends, you know, like the ones about, like the one about the ogre. I mean, certainly exaggerated, not made up entirely as the sources for shock as life drive from either variable Zulu storytellers or biased white chroniclers of the colonial era, maybe possible that his brutality was exaggerated, maybe some kind of rational explanation for his insanity.

We just don't know. So much, maybe just lost a history. Despite what has been lost, to have so many stories told about him, to be talked about so much as a historical figure that proves that he was one of the most noteworthy warriors and rulers of black South African history. Now, let's look at him a little bit more before we get out of here with today's top five takeaways. Time shock, tough, right takeaway.

Number one, Shaka Zulu had a terrible childhood starting with being literally named intestinal beetle heaven. After his mother became pregnant out of wedlock, it's forced to out of both of his mother and father's tribes, made to live on the edge of the society called names, beat up taunted, forced to lick, burning spoons, grab piles of human shit. If this is all true, if even half of it is true, what an interesting, almost Shakespearean story. A kid comes out of a tiny tribe, It's part of a prophecy to change the face of the entire region. Number two, all Shaka expanded the Zulu nation expansion efforts

really began with Ding his Waiyo, the Tethwa chief who took Shaka under his wing under Ding his Waiyo, the Tethwa rose to prominence, mostly employing diplomacy and assimilation of nearby chiefdoms to strengthen their power base. Under him, Shaka learns how to build his own Zulu empire. Number three, Shaka reinvents South African warfare with brutal and clever tactics. He's in a combination of psychological warfare, expert fighting tactics, advanced weaponry,

knowledge of geography, retiring that weird game of throwing spears at an enemy along ways away until they just decide to say, fuck it and go home. Shaka's army had victory after victory. Number four, Shaka was probably coolest fuck. The legend of true, when his mom died, perhaps roughly 7,000 people murdered for what he considered to be not mourning her death strongly enough. He prevented the rest of his people from eating food. They grown, he killed women, forgetting pregnant, many other horrible atrocities, may have killed his own soldiers. Even before that, for just, you know, being too short. Number five, something new. Along with oral traditions, Zulu beadwork also tells elaborate stories about their culture.

Every color and shape of bead has its own intricate cultural meaning. All colors except white, which only represents love and purity. I have both positive and negative meanings dependent on what bead is stitched alongside it. Color of the beadwork, one chooses to wear can even symbolize mood with black indicating one is morning, green, depicting contentment or blist and marriage.

Traditionally, Zulu men would rely on these messages for certain information like whether or not a woman was married. beadwork told others how many children the wear had. What region she he hailed from, how many unmarried sisters she he had Zulu storytelling has also also made its way into American culture in a way you might be surprised to find out The song known to the world as the lion sleeps tonight has deep roots in Zulu musician Solomon Linda's song Mubebe

Written in the 1920s Mubebe is a Zulu word meaning lion. The song Mubebe made Solomon Linda a star in South Africa selling over 100,000 copies by 1949. Here is some of the original version of the song that would end up becoming the lion's sleeps tonight. It recognized the melody here in a little bit. This is 1939 recording. It's just here the heart of it. Now Mubebe's melody influenced by traditional Zulu choral music went on a whirlwind, transformative journey before ended up in an American animated film.

It was discovered during the early 1950s, this song by American musicologist Alan Lo-Max who then gave the song to his friend, folk musician Pete Seeger. Pete Seeger and the Weavers. Seeger retitles it, you know, Wimuwe, Wimuwe, Wimuwe, you know, in approximate phonetic rendering of the song Zulu Language Refrain. Oh, Yimbub. Oh, man, Wimuwe, you, you know, in approximate fanatic rendering of the song Zulu language refrain, uh, Oh, Yim Boop. Oh, man, William Boobay, you are a lion and it's introduced to America by the Weavers. They record a studio version 1952, it becomes a top 20 hit in the US. Then the Weavers version inspires a 1961 version recorded by the tokens. New lyrics are written by George David Weiss.

It's retitled, the lion sleeps tonight. It ends up in Disney's 1994, The Lion King. Then the family, the descendants of Solomon Linda, Sue Disney, a damn U-roy Disney. How could you? First you kill your mom now this. No, Disney was settled for an undisclosed amount of money in 2006, and Enroy Disney never killed his mom in case any Disney lawyers are listening.

And that's all for today's Top 5. Takeaways. Time Shock, Top 5 Takeaway. I'm going to play this in the background. It's quietly. I like it. Shaka Zulu has been sucked. Really hoping I spend less time and pronunciation videos next week.

Hope I didn't butcher too much of it. Um, and grateful that Shaka had the easiest name out of basically every character in today's suck. Really interesting stories. Uh, I liked them. I hope you did too. Thank you to the Bad Magic Productions team for all to help in making time suck. Queen of Bad Magic, Lindsey Cummins, Reverend Dr. Joe Paisley, Scripps Keeper Zach

Flannery, Sophie Fak, Souris R's Evans, Biddelixer, Logan Keith, Yard Warlock, running BadmagicMurts.com and the Socials. Thanks to all of those who joined the Cult of the Curious Private Facebook group, over 25,000 members, an ever-growing list of subgroups. Thanks to Liz Hernandez and her all-seeing eyes running the Cult of the Curious Facebook page. Thanks to the wonderful Weirdos having fun in Discord

as well. Thanks to all you space users playing Time Soft trivia on the app. Congrats to Chef TJ323 aka TJ Natilla. Round 6 winner with 6,277 points. Your Cowboy page and trophy and victory certificate in the mail. You should have already been emailed your merch store credit. Round 7 has started. Next week on Times Like Operation Paperclip, the World War II, the American government had a choice. Let Nazi scientists be dealt with in Europe where they might fall into Soviet hands or bring them to the US where they can work to win the arms race and space race for the Americans. They went with the second option. Operation Paperclip was born, beginning with the All-Sauce mission in May of 1944. Under Operation Paperclip, 1600 of the Nazis best and brightest brought

over to America with help from some documents, doctoring and records erasing to make it look like they did not. Had the very, very shady past that they did have. Past and evolved working at forced labor factories, past and evolved torturing laborers, past and evolved experimenting on humans, concentration camp shit. But they had info, valuable, hard to attain information, and the US wanted it. In exchange for it, the Nazis never prosecuted with the exception of one. And they got to live lives in the US working on projects where there were, you know, experts. Some of them even became illustrious superstars in the world of on projects where there are experts, some of them even became illustrious, superstars in the world of rocket science and other tech before retrieving and retiring,

excuse me, and lavish comfort superstars who had once been Nazis. Next week also, we will get into some of the very shady things US military has done as far as testing on civilians, civilians of other countries before and after operation paper clip was in effect. It wasn't just Nazis doing these things. Scientific progress often unfortunately doesn't just happen without some level of unethical behavior. At least it didn't used to happen. Even testing on animals, you know, is unethical according to many.

But jangles is furious. I didn't say unethical according to all. We do have so much knowledge today that comes from past meat-sack sufferings. As it's saying goes, you can't make an an omelet without cracking a few eggs, but does that make a right? So those omelet chefs may be not of binatsis? All that and more next week on Time Suck and now, today's Time Sucker Updates. Updates, get your time sucker up updates! First up, very cool Navajo Code Talkers related update coming in from an anonymous military

sucker who writes, Greetings Suck Master from a loyal long-time space lizard linguists and the little asterisk. Very happy to finally see the Navajo Code Talkers get their own suck episode, especially tandem to the Enigma Machine episode. Up to this point, all I had to go on were the movies you five, seven, one in that Nick Cage joint called wind talkers, both of which are mainly entertainment rather than historical accounts. Though if we all chipped in a little extra this month, could we hire Nicholas Cage

to record an episode of time suck and just not tell the other meat sex? I'm sure he needs the money. I fucking love that. My military Jason job title is language analysts, which is a reason I'm writing you this email I really wanted to make the distinction clear and give due credit to the thousands of men and women who previously and currently do this job across all Brans the military. There's a clear distinction between a linguist and a language analyst a linguist study the science and culture of a given language and are most often going to be located at a university college or Institute culture of a given language and are most often going to be located at a university, college, or institute.

It may be a little bit of a generalization, but consider linguists to be actively pursuing the study of language for the sake of education, sociology, science, psychology, arts, and so forth. You will not find linguists where I work, though for the sake of ease, we will call ourselves. We all call ourselves linguists. Conversely, language analysts are concerned with obtaining fluency that directly correlates to producing or interpreting valuable intelligence information, much like how the Navajo code talkers

were concerned with safeguarding such information. They are not just trained in global language skills, analysts are also extensively trained in cryptology. A talented linguist does not commonly possess the skills required to perform as a language analyst and vice versa. Many language analysts do not have enough global linguistic commonly possess the skills required to perform as a language analyst and vice versa. Many language analysts do not have enough global linguistic skills to talk their way through buying top shelf saffron in a CD back alley Middle Eastern market, which I have done before.

I know when it saw authentic saffron versus when it's crows cafe quality. The most recent example of my memory would be the analysts that worked in operation enduring freedom in Afghanistan, doing everything in their power to prevent coalition forces from losing their lives to the Taliban. Putting to sign how quickly America forgot about that war, it's notable to me that Americans don't know the difference between these two titles, linguist versus analyst, but that's fine. We are a few and far between, and I've never been the kind to ever crave the attention of these. Thank you for your service crowd anyways. Plus our work is normally highly classified, which is why I had to scan this email a hundred times to make sure I wasn't saying something that's saspirilla at the front office wouldn't clear. service crowd anyways. Plus our work is normally highly classified, which is why I had to scan this email a hundred times

to make sure I wasn't saying something that's sasparilla at the front office wouldn't clear. Your loyal space lizard name redacted. PS, the language training we go through is intense to say the least, for instance, if you're learning a Pasha dough, you have one year to get fluent. That means day one, you know nothing.

Day 365 ish, you are fluent at a high school level. When you count homework, most students are working about 44 to 50 hours a week, just grinding through their language until the end test. It's a high stress environment, mainly because learning the language rewires your brain. So doing at an accelerated rate can make you a bit loopy. IE nightmares in the language for the first few months. These example links to a military career in this field, just in case you thought that this kind of work wasn't a modern job. Well, very cool message, anonymous crypto, cryptologic language analyst.

And the Air Force's website, I don't know why I was surprised by this, top notch. Just very stylish, cool look, a nut, sure I've ever looked at it before. Looks awesome. A love learner about jobs that I didn't really know about before or hadn't thought about. You have a very cool one. I'm definitely jealous of your language abilities. I'm still trying jobs that I didn't really know about before or hadn't thought about. You have a very cool one. I'm definitely jealous of your language abilities. I'm still trying to get this English shit down. That's crazy about the nightmares in a new language.

Enjoy that saffron. And thanks for doing what you do and thanks for sharing that info with us. Next up, another top shelf veteran sucker, Marine Paul Stroker, inspired to write in by the code talker, suck Paul writes. Then just finished the Navajo code talkers episode. Let me start by saying thank you for recognizing those heroes and also star for the loss of your grant award. Thank you. I've been meeting to write after the Victor Frank Frankl suck and cemented that I had to after today. How you describe the feeling of stepping from the landing craft onto Guadalcanal, I don't know that exact feeling, but I've been close.

I joined the Marine Court in 19, but it never has never been on a plane until the flight to bootcamp. Graduated bootcamp, Marine Combat Training, and MOS School Military Occupational Specialty to be a combat engineer. Two weeks later, it was on a plane to quate to acclimate for Iraq. Well, I happened to join January of 2004. So I got to Iraq right as the heavy fighting was about to begin. Our AO area of operations was the Al-Ambar province.

So I got to experience Fallujah, Ramadi, Adita, etc. All in the fall 2004 spring 2005 timeframe. When it was at peak from Operation Phantom Fury to the first elections in Iraq. My job was route clearance. So we were the poor bastards who got to play with landmines, find IEDs all while getting shot at. Needless to say, I experienced quite a bit of adrenaline before my 20th birthday.

Apparently, you know the feeling better than you think you do as the way you described it is accurate. I did another trip back to Iraq in 2007, 2008, damn. That was a little calmer. But after getting out, I searched for anything for that same high, motorcycles, fast cars, bar fights, et cetera. Had ridiculous PTSD that I always downplayed because of the therapy that's finding the same rush provided.

After a few motorcycle wrecks over the years, I had to hang it up, which made things worse, also struggled finding a purpose and a meaning for my life outside of the military. That's where you and the Frankl Suck stepped in, a beautiful bastard. I've been in therapy since October from my PTSD and listening to the Franco suck gave me new hope

and renewed purpose to help friends and fellow vets in the same predicament I was. My days honestly have been a lot brighter since now looking for, now looking for and being focused on the silver lining. So for that, thank you, keep on sucking, simplify and happy new year. PS, if stand up comedy comes back into fashion

and we get to meet in person, the first round is on me. Oh, it's very nice, Paul. Thank you for the drink offer. And you wore my heart with that message. I love that you are, you know, taking what you're learning and helping others. Thank you for your sacrifice as well, holy shit man.

You lived through stuff. I've only watched in documentaries and on movies. I'm so glad you're finding meaning in this next phase of your life and that you know, you can just in that meaning, you know, use so much of the pride and the accomplishments you have from the previous phase in your life to help others, the contributions you made, the experience you had, you know, never really die and now you're passing along your knowledge to others. Hope your days continue to be brighter. As, you know, As much as is reasonable to be brighter,

I know for no one, you're not gonna generally have nothing but bright days. I'm living proof you don't need PTSD to be moody. I have the old brain-rained clouds floating from time to time, no matter what I do. Luckily, they always seem to float on out after a bit. So I hope you have a good amount of happy days and you just push on through the cloudy ones.

Hail, Nimrod brother. And now Super Sucker, Cheyenne has some thoughts on the Victor Frankl Suck as well. Some of what she's referring to is from a recent secret suck where the scriptkeeper and Reverend Dr. and I all discussed Frankl's philosophy a bit more in depth. I don't think you need to be familiar with that episode or that discussion to understand this update though. And I wanted to share it. She writes, Hey, bad magic crew.

Listing to the latest behind the suck and very interested in the conversation about Victor Frankl. I wasn't going to say anything about Dan's bit on trauma and victim mentalities, but after everyone agreed that medical illness and free will are different things, I had to point something out. People with mental illness are not necessarily

able to control or choose the way they think. Trauma, even, and especially childhood trauma, physically alters the brain. I agree that a victim mentality isn't helpful, but I think it's important to recognize that choosing a different path or getting back on track is not necessarily a possibility for everyone. What's most important is a survivor, or, sorry, what's more important is a survivor mentality that gives people control and agency. Teaching people to heal or take control their life by acknowledging there are legitimate challenges or barriers for them but persisting

anyway. I love that but persisting anyway. I know you're not minimizing mental illness but I think it's an important thing to clarify. Thanks for all you do. Shout out to the cult of the curious mental health page. We're starting monthly meditation. If anyone wants to check them out, very cool. Thank you, Cheyenne. Almost 500 space lizards inside this mental health group right now. If you want to find it, open Facebook and in the Facebook search bar, type, call to the curious mental health. One of the many subgroups that will pop up. Keep pop it up. New ones, excuse me. I love it so much. Community branch now, building new communities. You make a great point. Yeah, when I talk about not wanting people to fall into the trappings of victim mentality,

definitely not trying to minimize having been victimized. Which I know I don't think you're saying. Yet, some trauma so severe, it does alter the way one thinks. One can be able to think, it can leave someone physically disabled as well with obvious limits as far as what they can accomplish in certain aspects. I like that term survivor mentality.

I like how you wrote but persisting anyway despite legitimate challenges or barriers. I think that term is very empowering, more empowering. And that's what I want to help empower people, to help them achieve more success, find more happiness, find more meaning, push to accomplish whatever they can within their own individual trappings. Trappings we all have in some way shape or form, and then live the most rewarding life possible for them in that, uh, in that, uh, wherever their box is. So enjoy those meditations and thank you for, for the, for the message.

A very powerful and touching message now coming from SuperSack Vanessa Walker, Vanessa Wrights, Hail Nimrod and Praise Bojangles. I'm so excited to listen to the Victor Frankl suck last week. I heard about man search for meaning on the show sometime back and bought a copy at some point early in the pandemic. I think I'd read it with some of my spare time. In a past life before July, I taught in a school for kids with various learning differences and social emotional needs.

What made it awesome is that it was one to one. So I got to have great relationships with my kids, students. It was like being a teacher, mentor, and sometimes a family member to kids who needed a little extra attention. In fact, I learned about the suck from one of these kids, Hey Troy. My favorite kid I was a kid named Henry. It was Jewish. You suffer from severe depression. It was the smartest kid I ever had the pleasure of teaching. We could spend an hour talking about the complexities of the Cold War, Judaism's influence on Catholicism and complex social issues. I played him a few snippets of the suck, especially the one about bizarre mental conditions, and he would have made a great time-sucker. I say everything in the past tense because he died by suicide last May.

That loss is painful beyond anything I have ever felt. I can imagine how it feels to lose a child of my own. Since then, I've kept in touch with this family and we've learned to move forward with our grief. Okay, so onto the book. I see, I'm sorry for your loss. Yeah, very tragic, obviously. I started reading it soon after he died

and it helped me not only to cope with my pain, but also to realize the impact of his life made on my own and how mine affected him. Knowing I gave him 18 months of friendship and love when he needed it the most helped me cope. His family and I call weird coincidences or moments when we feel his presence, Henry Huggs now. Last week I was missing him like hell and the prospect of starting a new year with him hurt. Then I saw the topic and it made me feel like he was giving me one of his sarcastic smiles from the great beyond.

It got me through the week and I thank you for that. I also want to give my condolences for the passing and gramp award. If anyone is up there with the big man, it's him. Happy new year, VW. Walker. Thank you Vanessa. Yeah, I appreciate that. So touching. I did have a slight allergic reaction when I first read your message. I hope you get a lot more henry hugs. Yeah, this this year. Well, this year, I just going forward many years. Thanks for sharing a tiny bit of his story and getting his name out there for the rest of us to hear. I'm happy he lives on and you. I'm glad you recognize that despite the tragic end, the meaning he gave him mattered that it still matters. Now he can, you know, in some way ripple effect live on with the rest of us who who who hear

about it. Hear about him. So yeah, I appreciate the message and I'm glad you check out the book again. And now let's end on some more inspiration because fuck yeah, reinvigorated sucker Nathan Newman writes, suck master on high, nip liquor of Lucifena, particularly like that one. But jangle third leg, propriate, oh, propriate of many. There we go. I just wanted to contact you after the new years special episode and tell you fuck you by the way, what the fuck, that I'm sobbing manly, manly, okay tears in the bathroom at work.

The message that you worked hard to put out this week really hit me right in the fields, man. I don't know, my allergies were acting up for something. I'm a 30 year old man that has fucked up pretty much everything I've ever tried to do in life. Finally at 30, I'm in a stable position. But I failed to find myself with a sense of purpose. You see, I was never actually raised. My parents were always absent. My teachers never cared. Everything I know I've had to learn myself. They say failure is

the ultimate teacher. Having settled that, I want to tell you about my latest failure. I've been struggling with alcoholism for the last two years. That is why this new year's episode hit me so hard. You spoke about how we try to fill our voyage with vices. I never even considered such a thing until you brought it up. So here I sit, you lovable non-mustache worthy bastard crying on a stainless steel toilet. At least, that's what I want to say.

The truth is, the word you said that day, hit my soul like a lightning bolt and I've been drink-free since December 29th. You really got me thinking about exactly what the fuck I'm doing on this cosmos sailing rock and how I want to leave it Guess along in the short of it is you do a really special thing here You have literally changed my life and so many others for the better. Please keep on sucking Maybe choose a new dog to squash I vote Chihuahua's 50% treble 50% tremble and 50% hate is a super suspicious ratio. And as always keep on sucking, sorry for

the long message and I hear this is boring. Not like you give a shit, but sorry for the grammar, not that you could even tell you mush mouth double chin. Seriously, who asked you to shave? You get it. Love you. Seriously, thank you. Nathan, thank you, Nathan. Mushmouth double chin fucking killed me. I first came across, I gotta say when I shaved the beard off this past summer, I was very disappointed in what labor needs. I was just sitting, mush mouths double chin, fucking killed me. My first camera, I gotta say, when I shaved the beard off this past summer, I was very disappointed in what lay beneath. I was disappointed in my, I built up a much more chisel jaw on my mind.

Not so much. Why, Nimrod? I can't have like a fucking Clooney jar. The beard's now back, back ish is coming in. I will return to thinking I have that strong jaw line. As soon as it's a little bit thicker, in my brain, it is for sure, like a, yeah, like leading actor kind of jaw. Just like, whenever I don't see my stomach,

it's almost a six back. It's like, it's not quite, it was close, you know? I'm cutting the weed and drink for a month, at least myself getting a little too regular with the night caps and weed myself to sleep the past few months. It started feeling like I needed to wind down. I hope your new clarity leads to a lot more enjoyment.

I'm proud of you, I'm happy for you. And I'm glad you do know for yourself, for not someone else, you know, I do think that's an important distinction. It's not like someone was just pressuring you and you finally caved, it's like no, just a conscious, like no, I wanna, I wanna fucking live a different kind of life

and have more meaning in that life for me. I hope you and everyone else listening, you know, can just fucking kick 2021 right? The fucking dick. Uh, or plus, right? Don't want to limit it to dick kicking. I hope that I hope the year is not going to be as weird overall and as crazy as it started this past week. Uh, hail, Nimrod.

To you and everyone else. Thank you, everyone for in. And let's get on out of here. Thanks, time suckers. I need a net. We all did. Thanks for listening everybody. More bad magic productions content soon. Spooks with scared to death late Tuesday night, still in this with Is We Dumb Wednesdays at noon Pacific time. Try not to get tricked into sticking your hands into a shit hole this week. And when you're distracted, that level of stink is probably pretty hard.

You know, to keep on sucking. Joe, Joe, you should come in here. Uh, what's up? The African Zulu drum music I found for that commercial. commercial it is I love that you can't just be still You listen just try try and be still Right I was I was listening to this for the commercial first. I'm like now. I'm just listening Can't sit still if you listen to these drums

That's it, still, if you listen to these drums!