Timesuck with Dan Cummins - 244 - Crazy US Laws!

Episode Date: May 17, 2021

Today we take a fun and sometimes concerning tour around the United States looking at laws that are still on the books that either definitely shouldn't be, shouldn't have ever been, are sadly necessary, or are just plain... odd. Did you know that in Indiana it's illegal to have a "a covered clearly erect penis" at a city park? Or that it's illegal to use a ferret to help you hunt in West Virginia? It's also illegal to sell dog hair in New York. And if you've ever been in a "duel with deadly weapons" in Kentucky you can't become a state attorney. In Idaho, cannibalism carries a special punishment. Anal, oral, and premarital sex are illegal in Idaho. As is adultery. So many outdated laws that should've never existed in the first place. And so many WTF laws. It's just a misdemeanor to barter a baby in Pennsylvania. But having sex with your first cousin in Utah is a felony. Also, it's illegal to own seven or more dildos in Texas. And on and on and on. We go over actual state, county, and city legal codes for so, so, SO much legislative strangeness today. Hail Nimrod and I hope you get some laughs out of this madness.Thanks for helping Bad Magic Productions donate this month to The Ocular Melanoma Foundation, in honor of Alex Roach, a Timesucker who was taken from his family at the tender age of just 33 (amount to be announced next week). The Ocular Melanoma Foundation is a 501(c)(3) non-profit, and is one of the leading research and patient support organizations focused on ocular melanoma-eye cancer. To find out more, go to http://www.ocularmelanoma.org/ Watch the Suck on YouTube: https://youtu.be/m1LVfkBh5x0 Merch - https://badmagicmerch.com/ Discord! https://discord.gg/tqzH89v Want to join the Cult of the Curious private Facebook Group? Go directly to Facebook and search for "Cult of the Curious" in order to locate whatever current page hasn't been put in FB Jail :) For all merch related questions/problems: [e-mail] (copy and paste) Please rate and subscribe on iTunes and elsewhere and follow the suck on social media!! @timesuckpodcast on IG and http://www.facebook.com/timesuckpodcast Wanna become a Space Lizard? We're over 10,000 strong! Click here: https://www.patreon.com/timesuckpodcast Sign up through Patreon and for $5 a month you get to listen to the Secret Suck, which will drop Thursdays at Noon, PST. You'll also get 20% off of all regular Timesuck merch PLUS access to exclusive Space Lizard merch. You get to vote on two Monday topics each month via the app. And you get the download link for my new comedy album, Feel the Heat. Check the Patreon posts to find out how to download the new album and take advantage of other benefits.Stock music provided by four_track, from Pond5

Today, we take a tour of the US and look at a bunch of crazy laws that are still on the books. Did you know that adultery is actually still illegal in 18 states or at least was as recently as 2019 and that fornication unmarried consensual sex between adults is still technically illegal in five states. Sodomy still legal in 14 states and there are a bunch of just trade up weird laws on the books from sea to shining sea. It's illegal to collect seaweed at night in one state. The legal to sell dog hair and at least one state, illegal to toss dwarves and a bar and

at least one state can't hunt with a ferret and another can't legally get married with herpes in one state. So many crazy laws out there. We'll look at at least one from every state and also from the district of Columbia. This is a fun topic to put together, but a lot tougher than we expected. So much clickbait out there. So many crazy laws in every state articles

or crazy laws in your state articles that listed laws that have either been off the books for a long, long time or were never on the books to begin with. Just nonsensical urban legends. Well, now you have a more reliable list to lean on. We dove into one state legislative website after another and found so much silly and oftentimes downright stupid stuff. A lot of comedy in today's suck, a lighter topic. I feel like the right time to do one. So let's have fun looking at how just like with any other job, some politicians are terrible what they do.

In today's who proposed this? How did it get past? Why hasn't I been taking it off the books yet legislative craziness edition of Time Suck? This is Michael McDonald and you're listening to Time Suck, you're listening to Time Suck. To Time Suck. To Time Suck. To Time Suck. To Time Suck.

To Time Suck. To Time Suck. Happy Monday Meet Sacks. It's called to the curious time. Dan Cummins, a suck master, guy whose voice is pretty much back. Thank you, daily hot water drink with local honey, fresh squeeze, lemon juice and lots of cayenne pepperols mixed in. And you're listening to Time Suck. He'll Nimrod Lucifini. I love you. Praise be to good boy, Bojangles. Glory be to triple lemon. Happy birthday to me. May 17th. Just turn 24 or something like that. I feel great. Thanks for all the birthday wishes that have already come in. Is I record this 10 days ahead of the day this episode comes out, which is my birthday? I appreciate it. You're very kind.

Quick update on the call to the Curious Official Time Suck Private Facebook group. It is just gone. Unfortunately for being disabled to being completely taken down. So we did lose A quick update on the Cult of the Curious Official Time Suck private Facebook group. It has just gone unfortunate for being disabled to being completely taken down. So we did lose the original Cult of the Curious Group. We're too naughty. Some Facebook customer service, AI avatar, Tiago, a real boy. And for me that after reviewing the Cult of the Curious Group, we can confirm that the group has been taken down and will not be restored as the group violations applied to it were deemed to be accurate.

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Zucker police. Long live the suck. Our online communities become too important just for us to go down with that fight. So we're excited about this. We're also currently banned from running paid advertising on both Facebook and Google, just the platforms in general as well. Bad magic, so naughty. Now for something that has not banned some sick true crimes threads, we can't advertise them, but we can make it, we can still sell it. Edmunds escape, short sleeve, button up, summer shirt, and swim trunks in the store at badmagicmerch.com. Let me enjoy my time on the beach mother. Trying to not new type of merch in the store and I love itmerch.com. Let me enjoy my time on the beach mother. Try not to new type of merch in the store and I love it.

Reminder that thanks to your time suck and scared to death, Patreon donations, we are able to donate $13,800 to the Ocula Melanoma Foundation, the Ocula Melanoma Foundation of 501c3 nonprofit, one of the leading research and patient support organizations focused on Ocula Melanoma Eye Cancer. It's the time suck and the bad magic charity of the month to find out more go to ocularmelanoma.org. One last announcement today, a fast and a fun one. Thursday, June 10th, market calendars, just like with scared to death, do another live show this time for Is We Dumb with Mr. Joe Paisley, the Reverend Doctor hosted at loopedlive.com, the virtual doors opened at 6 p.m. Pacific time, show starts at 6.30. There's going to be a photo booth,

a chat room, hopefully some more bells and whistles. And it's going to be wild because there is some content that we do hold back on a wee bit with the regular show. Probably hard to believe if you listen to it, but we just don't want to be thrown off YouTube and basically all the podcast platforms for doing so. So excited about that. And to find out more about some of America's most baffling laws, just keep on listening. Yeah, yeah. Again, this was a fun one to prepare. And like I said earlier, more challenging than expected.

Who knew you can't just trust clickbait websites for factual information. We did, of course, but it was even worse than we expected. It seems it roughly 90%, maybe 95% of the articles out there talking about crazy laws, crazy laws in Nebraska, crazy laws in Kansas, what, you know, just completely full of shit. They just repeat each other's nonsense over and over across the web. Just such a thing on the web, right? All those listsites, they just pull from other's nonsense over and over across the web. Just such a thing on the web, right? All those listsites, they just pull from other lists, they just like reference each other, just this loop of nonsense. And they don't need to do that with the law stuff because there is plenty of crazy shit

truly out there on the legal books. I know because we found a lot, I was diving into the last 48 hours, so many different legislative websites. I'm going to start going over some America's most ridiculous sex laws, just because I find it interesting as hell. Hail, Luciferina. And, you know, we still have pure tanical assholes out there trying to legally regulate a consensual sexual activity between mentally competent adults in 2021.

So much dumb shit to look out there. Then we're going to road trip through all 50 states and DC, uh, looking at each one, we, you know, at least one weird law on every state will break it up into four regions, the Northeast, New England, uh, the South, the Midwest and the West. And then we'll wrap up, go over some takeaways and hop into a bunch of cool updates. Let's just get started. Uh, there have been tons of terrible loss about sex in the US. Of course, there have been our nation was founded by Puritans terrified to admit that they loved hard dick and wet

pussy. Just like we meet sex, we're quite literally born to enjoy Halo, Suspina adultery. Still illegal in many parts of the US. Now is adultery, you know, often immoral? Yeah. Yes, it is. Someone who has cheated and passed relationships, yeah, it's wrong. I knew it was wrong. Of course, there are moral exceptions. You know, there's a gray area out there for people, you know, trapped in marriages legally,

but they're not really married for all intents and purposes and other, you know, variations relationships are complicated. But in general, sure, morally wrong, but should it be illegal? Should the state step in? Fuck no. Again, you're not my mom, Uncle Sam. What are you doing? No need to regulate consensual behavior between two non-cognitively impaired consenting adults.

It's fucking ridiculous. And yet there are 18 states, at least as recently as 2019, that have made sexual acts illegal. If at least one of the people involved is already married. My lovely home state of Idaho is one of them. Idaho is so many archaic laws in the books. An adulterer can theoretically face a fine or jail time. Allow me to read from the statute section of the official website for the Idaho State

Legislature. Let me get my courtroom drama music up, Statute 1866-01. Adultery. A married man who has sexual intercourse with a woman not his wife, an unmarried man who has sexual intercourse with a married woman, a married woman who has sexual intercourse with a man not her husband, and an unmarried woman who has sexual intercourse with a married man. She'll be guilty of adultery.

And she'll be punished by a fine of not less than $100 or by imprisonment in the county jail for not less than three months or by imprisonment in the state penitentiary for a period not exceeding three years or in the county jail for a period not exceeding three years. Or in the county jail for a period not exceeding one year. Or by fine, not exceeding $1,000. Holy shit. In theory, you could technically, if the judge was an asshole, be sent a prison for three years.

Rather cheating on your spouse or sleeping with somebody who's married or both, you know. Oh my God. As of at least as recently, 2016 adultery was illegal in some 22 states, some degree. who's married or both, you know? Oh my God. As of at least as recently as 2016, adultery was legal in some 22 states, some degree. In 2010, a woman was charged in Batfee in New York with adultery when an officer

caught her having sex in public on a park picnic bench actually hot with a man who was not her husband. She wasn't found guilty of adultery, possibly only because she pledged down to the lesser charge of ludeness in public to avoid going to court for an adultery charge. In a smaller group of states, premarital sex is actually illegal. Fornication is still illegal in at least five states by my count. Idaho, Illinois, North Carolina, South Carolina, and Mississippi still appear to have

fornication laws currently on the books, which basically decree all forms of non-marital sex to be illegal. These laws have really been enforced, but still the fact that they're just on the books at all is outrageous. Virginia just repealed their four-nication law less than a year ago in 2020. Utah just repealed their four-nication law in 2019. Massachusetts just got rid of theirs in 2018. In Idaho, you can technically get six months in jail for having unmarried sex. Fuck is going on down on our state capital.

Why should the government care what adults do with their sex lives? I mean, truly, how absurd that grown ass old-timey men, you know, men basically my age, who honestly probably looked a lot like me minus tattoos, we're arguing about stuff like this and passing legislation on issues like this in various government buildings in the past. You know, Idaho's current foreign probably still actually in some place still being debated at least. Idaho's current foreign occasion law was not passed in 1872. Of course, not.

We weren't even in state yet. Also wasn't passed in 1922. I find it especially disturbing. It was passed in 1972. That's pretty recent. Some dumb fuck in a room full of predominantly other dumb fucks and all likelihood. Most of them they voted it in law. You know, just out there.

The hippie counterculture is decaying the moral fabric of our God fearing land. And that is why I propose we pass statute 186603 fornication, a sex crime. Any unmarried person who shall have sexual intercourse with an unmarried person of the opposite sex shall be deemed guilty of fornication and upon conviction thereof shall be punished by death and then some other more and was like whoa, whoa, easy has a guy. I think death is a bit strong. This is 1972, not 1692. How about their punish with a fine of not more than $300 or by imprisonment for not more than six months or by both such fine imprisonment provided that the sentence imposed in any part thereof

be uh, be suspended with or without probation in the discretion of the court. All right, Ted, fine. Now we'll probably create less public outcry, guess, but let it be written into the legal record that has a kaya Johnson would like to see those sex loving God mocking dirty hippies stoned to death. Idaho like a lot of states has all kinds of ridiculous sexual legislation. Sodomy, still illegal Idaho. One of 14 states has consensual Sodomy laws on the books.

Idaho's laws have criminalized anal and oral sex, historically, including consensual sex, since even before the states founded, Idaho territory enacted a Sodomy statute. They thought it was important. In 1864 Punishing anal intercourse whether heterosexual or homosexual with five years to life in prison at least five years For putting a papy into poop a hole

In 1916 they added a blowjob to the law someone's like what about blowjob? Oh my god They're not on the books yet. You get five years to life in prison for sucking dick In the 1816 they added blowjob to the law. Someone was like, what about blowjob? Oh, my God. They're not on the books yet. You get five years to life in prison for sucking dick. Who pushed for these laws? The religious far right. I mean, who else? They have been consistently joy killers in America.

Since the pilgrims in the Puritans came over in the early 17th century, I absolutely understand why England and other countries did not fucking want them. 1925 another law was passed that allowed the state to issue forced sterilizations to a wide variety of citizens, including just quote unquote perverts. And who were perverts? Well, the court deemed perverts were people who put their babies in people's pooful holes

and their mouthholes. I like to say it that way because these laws are so infantile, right? Our nation like like so many other nations has quite often been ran by just fucking childish idiots. Currently, Sodom and Oral sex are still technically illegal and I know they're referred to as crimes against nature in the legislative books. And they've been on the books in that form that you know, since 1972 and obviously they've been in the books in other forms since you know, before the state was even a state,

all these ridiculous statutes. Idaho, code 18605 crimes against nature, punishment. Every person who is guilty of the infamous crime against nature, committed with mankind or with any animal is punishable by imprisonment in the state prison Not less than five years. What the fuck that's crazy As of this past December how crazy is this 41 people in Idaho are currently forced to register as sex offenders in Idaho for quote crimes against nature, uh-huh. Over 40 people still forced to register today as sex offenders for a consensually sucking dick or getting their duck, getting their dick sucked consensually or for some butt

play. Ah, it's absurd. The origin of these American laws starting nearly 500 years ago when the Reformation Parliament under English king Henry VIII passed the Bugga React, the Bugga React of 1533, made anal sex and B.C. out of the punishable by death, which later inspired similar laws as the American colonies began taking shape. And Idaho, the state's ACLU, American Civil Liberties Union is suing to get this law off the books.

It's suing on behalf of an anonymous man and a man named Randall Menges. Menges convicted in 1994 for having oral sex with two 16 year old boys shortly after he turned 18. Something that would not meet the definition of even statutory rape today. Still has a register, not as just a sex defender, but as quote, as a quote, violent sex defender for being a just turned 18 year old, again, is dickseacked by 16 year olds fucking preposter. How many of you would have to register as a sex defender for the rest of your life for something similar? I had sex with a 16 year old, maybe a 17 year old when I was 18.

Get out of here. It's beyond normal. You know, that could be a high school senior getting a blow job from a high school junior. The fuck? To any Idaho state legislators who may be listening, who aren't doing anything to get that law off the books or who support laws like that, you have a standing open invitation to suck my dick. Perhaps more than anything else but sex, blow jobs, you know, they just, they have a checkered

legal past. Tons of weird marriage laws out there too. Check out this pilot's stupid. In Mississippi, the Idaho of the South With parental consent males can marry at 17 females can marry at 15 Think about that compared to what we just heard right in one part of the US It's illegal for like a 30 year old to get a blowjob from anyone and in another

It's technically legal to get married and fuck your whole life up at 15 if If mommy and daddy say it's okay, marriage way more serious and dangerous than suck and dick. Bad blow job. It's often nothing more than just an embarrassing memory, right? It's totally actually what happened. A lot of us can get over that minutes. About the worst you're going to get is a cold sore. Bad marriage?

That can ruin the life. It can destroy your credit. You know, you can put you in debt. You can never get out of it. You can leave you with kids, you're not prepared to raise a loan, you know, or with someone you hate, et cetera, et cetera. You can get married at 15 in Utah. You have to wait until the age of 16, boy or girl in Idaho, because we are so civilized and refined. Look at a few more weird, none-neccessary relationship and sex laws for a bounce around the country, looking at all sorts

of other laws. A preposterous anti-flooroding law has been on the books in Michigan since 1931. It states that any man who shall seduce and debauch any unmarried woman shall be guilty of a felony. It found guilty the man can be punished without two five years in the state prison or a fine of not more than $2,500. Oh boy. Marriage is between first cousins are illegal in 25 states, legal in 20 in the remaining states gets more complicated and Utah for example first cousins may legally marry only if they are at least 55 years old and can prove to a state judge that one of them cannot procreate or if they're both at least 65, then they can get, you know, married as first cousins without anyone's permission. Effective, May 14, 2019, Utah penal code, title 30, chapter one, section one, subsection, subsection two, first cousins may marry under the following circumstance.

A, both parties are 65 years of age or older or B, if both parties are 65 years of age or older, or B, if both parties are 55 years of age or older upon a finding by the district court located in the district in which either party resides that either party is unable to reproduce. All that red tape. The mayor your cousin when you're like 57 so weird. And if you're thinking so what? You know, if Utah won't let me marry my first cousin, you know, my cousin, I will just have her own ceremony. We'll put on some rings. We'll just fucking the privacy of our own home. And to that, I say, well, good luck staying out of prison, cousin fucker. You better hope your dad uncles and your aunt moms don't rat you out. Cousin fucking is a felony in Utah. You heard, felony. It's part of 2006 Utah Code 76-7-102, incest.

A person is guilty of incest, win. Under circumstances, not to mounting to rape, rape of a child or aggravated sexual assault. He has sexual intercourse with a person whom he knows to be an ancestor, dependent, brother, sister, uncle, aunt, nephew, niece, or first cousin. The relationships referred to herein include blood relationships of the whole or half blood without regard to legitimacy, relationship of parent and child by adoption, and relationship of step-parent and step-child while the marriage creating the relationship of a step-parent and step-child while the marriage creating the relationship of a step-parent and step-child exists.

Insist is a felony of the third degree. Again, it's a felony. You dirty cousin fuckers. Can't even legally fuck your step-cousin until the right people divorce. Sounds like you can also fuck your step-brothers and step-sisters if the marriage making them related to dissolves. So, you know, kind of some good news, you know, for people with hot step siblings that they're, you know, hoping to have a future with.

For a third degree felony, you can go to prison for up to five years, yeah. Here's another weird sex law, sex related law. In Texas, it's illegal to own more than six dildos or pocket pussies. Seriously, totally legal to own six, but you kick it up to seven? Uh-huh. Not so much. Why that number? Because state legislators decided that if you own seven or more dildos or pocket pussies, well, by golly, you're not just having fun at home. You're putting on a fucking show, okay? Hey, Elizabethina, the law is listed among Texas

is many anti-obscenity laws. I think it's obscene that we have obscene laws like this. You're promoting obscene material. I just picked up some small town prosecutor pacing around in a Bolo tie, 10 gallon hacked, holding three dildos and one hand, got four dildos in one hand, got four dildos in the other in front of the jury.

Some poor embarrassed woman blushing. I'm the defendant seat. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, look at what I hold in my hands. Exhibits A through G and he like then he really just shakes them around wildly this point. Seven dildos, some with a ball still attached, some super soft, some hard, some viny and lifelike, some curve, some straight, some white, some black, one gigantic purple silicone one. We know with a fist, a power fist at the end of it, I ask you, waves them around. What woman on earth requires this much stimulation? Where would one even put all these? And at this point, he just like

looks shocked and he's just kind of sticks, no, four of them down around his crotch and stimulation. Where would one even put all these? And at this point, he just like look shocked and he's just kind of sticks no four of them down around his crotch and tries putting the other three in his mouth. I can't get around now. He was demonstrating like a like he's on some shitty infomercial talking about an inferior product. Then he makes him Johnny Cochrane, you know, O.J. Simpson trial pun. If the deal devil don't fit, you must not acquit. These are not the toys of either a lonely single woman or a sexually minded wife. These are the instruments of an obscene provocateur

who seeks to entertain. And it is not legal in the great state of Tejas to put on such a show. Then he pantomimes, you know, sticking several of these dildos in his ass, bending over in front of the jury. His cowboy hat, you know, falling off from the courtroom floor,

he gets all sweaty, put on a big exaggerated show, licking a few of them before acting like all 700s coming all over him. Then he slams them down on the courtroom table. The, the, the prosecution rests! You're on a... It's like an craziness. Do you know that in Nebraska, you can't get married if you have herpes? Seriously. Get to the leper colony already.

Go die alone, you cold sore having fucking monster. State statute 42-102. Minimum age, affliction with venereal disease, disqualification. At the time of marriage, the male must be of the age of 17 years or upward, and the female of the age of 17 years or upward. No person who is afflicted with a veneerial disease shall marry in this state. No person who has a veneerial disease will get married in this state. You take your buttwarts to Iowa. You grow, you grotesque fuck. One last weird

marital law. Before we head around from region to region, look at another weird U.S. laws, South Carolina. Code of Laws, Title 16, Crimes and Offenses, Chapter 15. Offenses against morality and decency. Section 16, 1550. Seduction under promise of marriage. A male over the age of 16 years, who by means of deception and promise of marriage to do so as an unmarried woman in this state, is guilty of a misdemeanor and upon conviction must be fined the discretion of the court or in prison not more than one year.

There must not be a conviction under this section on the uncorroborated testimony of the woman, upon whom the seduction is charged and no conviction if a trial it is proved that the woman was at the time of the alleged offense glued and untrace If the defendant in any action brought under the section Contracts marriage with the woman either before or after the conviction for the proceedings of this section are stayed Don't tell any unmarried women in South Carolina that you want to get married unless you're serious And women if you want that man to follow through on his word, don't you dare offer to fuck him or suck him. Any lured and unchased behavior will get your case thrown out.

Again, I picture a lawyer, right? Maybe the defense turn this time. Your honor. Of course this young man said he would marry Miss Richards. She was wearing black Lacy lingerie and offering two quotes and made the court excuse please my profane language and obscene topic matter. She said she would like to let the defendant fuck that not a little pussy and let him come on these tits. Yes he said he would marry her under those

conditions. He would have told her he would put her on his back and fly around the world like Superman as well. If he thought I would seal the deal and that situation, but that doesn't mean he actually meant it. Her lured behavior co-est him. All right. Let's take a tour now of America. Look at all kinds of different absurd laws that are still on the books, but before we do,

one first quick sponsor. Today's time stock is brought to you by the law office of Chase, Camper, and Crowell. If you've been accused of any of the crimes you've heard about today, especially the Texas Dildo stuff, or any of the ones you will be hearing about today, especially the Texas Dildo stuff, you may be entitled to money. Also, if you've been the victim of adultery, especially the hands of a ruthless, home-recking, shrubslut, it probably has a couple dozen Dildos.

Call the law office of Chase, Crowl, and Kemper by dialing toll-free 1-800 that are out to get you. You may be entitled to a substantial amount of money. You shouldn't be victimized by shrubsluts or Dildos, but you should be able to use as many dildos as you want, and legally fornicate with whomever you want, unless they're married, or you're married, and they're hiding in a bush or something near a campground perhaps. Don't worry about how well confusing this may sound. We work both sides of the legal plate. Just worry about the money. The call is the money. Call this free.

The advice is free. Call the law office of Chase, Crowley and Kemper. Toll free. 1-800. They're out to get you. A little throwback. The vampire Sacramento suck there. Fake legal sponsor just felt right for this suck.

All right, now we're going to break up our journey. Into the northeast, the south, the Midwest, and the West. Let us travel from East to West, starting with the Northeast or New England. Hail Nimrod. Northeast includes nine states, Maine, New Hampshire, Vermont, Massachusetts, Rhode Island, Connecticut, New York, New Jersey, and Pennsylvania.

Connect a cut. Connecticut is our first stop. It's the Constitution State, home to just over three and a5 million folks. In Hartford, it is illegal to collect, quote, rags, paper, glass, old metal, junk, cinders, or other waste matter in the city without a license. You could literally get arrested

for collecting old rags around town. This is from the Municipal Code, City of Hartford, chapter 19, junk collectors and rag pickers. I love that people are literally, legally referred to as rag pickers. Who am I speaking of? The rag pickers.

Got it. It's a criminal offense. Says, no person shall engage in the business of collecting rags, paper, glass, old metal junk centers or other waste matter in the city or go about the streets and public places in the city for the purpose of collecting, purchasing or bartering for the same without having obtained a license to do so by the Bureau of Licenses and Inspections. I'm cop out there busing some rag picker.

The fuck you doing asshole? Hands right and see him. about there bus and some rag picker. The fuck you doing asshole? Hands-rockin' Sam. Well you some kind of, you some kind of rag picker. You think you can just pick that rag up out of the gutter? Carry it off, do with it what you will? Maybe sell it later. Maybe use it to wipe some dust off your truck under your car. Maybe put some polish on it and shine your fucking shoes.

You piece of shit. Where's your permit asshole? Yeah, I know you don't have one. My cousin, Vinotelli, he's the city rag collection permit guy. You heard of him? Well, of course not. He's giving out a rag collection permit to five guys in the last 10 years and you ain't one of them.

Just toss me the rag slowly. Beat it. Letting you off with a warning today, rag picker. Now it's visit main, the pine tree state. See what sort of crazy laws, the roughly 1.3 million people they're dealing with. In main, it is totally legal to play a friend's bingo card for them.

I have to need to get up and use the bathroom. And if they win, while they're in the bathroom, okay, you can collect on their behalf. But if you try and do that, they're in a game of high stakes, Bino. The original name of the game of Bingo, we'll get ready to meet Johnny Law. You try and yell Bino.

While they're on the toilet, and collect more than 25,000 bucks, well, you're getting fine, Bub. Forget the law on this example. Who's playing high stakes, Bino? What's going wrong in your life? You're playing Heistakes Bino. That has to be the least cool way to gamble a lot of money

I've fucking ever heard of. Even the Penny Slots crowd looks down on you if you're a Bino gambler, Heistakes are not. Also when Bingo was first played in America, it was called Bino. Then in 1929, New York Toy Salesman, Edwin S. Low renamed it Bingo. After he overheard someone accidentally yell Bingo

instead of Bino and he's like, that's way better. And then for reasons unclear and completely unrelated to any game in 2020, this podcaster started saying Bingo, Bingo! Cause he just likes the way it sounds. Massachusetts are next up. Most commonly known is the Bay State, or the Old Bay State in reference

to the Cape Cod Bay, or the old Bay State in reference to the Cape Cod Bay, early settlements were made and to the Massachusetts Bay Company giving it a given a royal charters, excuse me, in 1629 to promote settlement of the new land from sea to shining sea. There are six point, just under 6.9 million people, Massachusetts, and there are plenty of crazy laws. First off, taxi drivers are prohibited from making love in the front seat of their taxi during their shifts.

Or was this passed? Is there an epidemic of taxi drivers fucking in their front seats? Also why not illegal in the back seat? It's also prohibited to dance to the star-spangled banner in Massachusetts, thanks to an excessively patriotic 1917 law. And singing the national anthem incorrectly could get you in some legal trouble. Massachusetts State General Laws, Part 4, Title 1, Chapter 264, Section 9 reads, whoever plays, sings or renders the star-spangled banner in any public place, theater, motion picture hall.

You can tell it's written a while ago. Motion picture hall, restaurant or cafe or any public public entertainment other than as a whole and separate composition or number without an embellishment or addition in the way of national or other melodies or whoever plays sings or renders the star spangled banner or any part thereof as dance music as an exit march or as part of a medley of any kind shall be punished by a fine of not more than $100. If I don't hear the l letter, the free, the home of the brave, the next few seconds, Bob, you're gonna know that state of Massachusetts have been Franklin.

Also in Massachusetts, bullets may not be used as currency and shooting ranges may not set up targets that resemble human beings and embossed in duels can be carried out to the death on Sunday as long as the governor is present. Governor has apparently declined recent dual requests. Next up, New Hampshire, the granite state. They have 1.36 million residents as of 2019 and of course some crazy laws. It is illegal in New Hampshire to carry away or collect seaweed at night, just at night. Title 18 state,, fishing game laws.

Chapter 207, section 207, 48. If any person shall carry away or collect for the purpose of carrying away any seaweed or rock weed, ah, closing that rock weed loophole from the seashore below high water mark between daylight in the evening and daylight in the morning, he shall be guilty of a violation. That's been effective since November 1st, 1973.

Apparently, 1972, there was a real problem with night, sea, and rockweed collection. Governor, you have to put your Senate to do something. No one along the coast can get any sleep anymore. Now without all those damn nocturnal seaweed collectors blasting and mucking about all night long. They went out into the waters, stuffing seaweed and garbage tanks,

hauling off to put it on their gardens and whatnot till I don't know what anyone does with CEO Rockweed. I just know a lot of people in Port Smith and North Hampton are about to riot. Another New Hampshire law forbid you to tap your feet, nod your head, or in any way keep time to a music and a tavern restaurant or cafe. The other several rule says you cannot sell clothes,

you are wearing to pay off a gambling debt. That came from some incidents. New Jersey, next on our journey, the Garden State has around 9 million residents and for roughly 14,000 residents of Haddon Township, just outside of Camden, it seems as if it is illegal to flirt under the section Peace and Good Order. A person may be punished for approaching, quote, any person of the opposite sex unknown to such person and by words sign or gesture Attempting to speak or to become acquainted with such person against his will

This law obviously seeks to punish objectionable actions such as sexual harassment and cat calling critics think it can be it can be technically seen as prohibiting just you know harmless Flirty doesn't seem to ever be enforced good luck getting the police come to rescue you of someone's just been obnoxious annoying or clueless with the flirty uh... this next new jersey law is very strange against a lot to murder someone of course but in juries double against the law to murder someone while wearing a bulletproof vest since it makes sense to wear a bulletproof vest while committing or attempting to commit a crime of the first degree is a crime of the second degree okay

uh... new jersey you cannot pump your own gas also. All gas stations are full service and full service only. Oregon also is like this. New Jersey, pumping your own gas falls under the 1949 retail gasoline dispensing safety act. The statute, NJSA, 343A10, and poses penalties for violating the act and consequences ranging from 50 to $250 fines for the first offense to up to $500 fines for each subsequent offense thereafter. I fucking hate this law.

I like to pump my own gas. I get the rationale behind this law. It provides jobs. Unfortunately, it doesn't provide useful jobs. I've had to stand by the pump waiting for some asshole to grab the pump handle and do what I can easily do, what I actually want to do for several minutes on occasion in New Jersey and in Oregon. And I've tipped someone for doing what I don't want them to do in the first place, because

I feel compelled to do so. It's just weird. To me, that job is as dumb as having like a professional restaurant face wiper. You know, you can't wipe stuff off your face at a restaurant with your napkin what are you doing get that napkin away for your face that's that's for the attendant to do what are you what are you trying to do trying to take some jobs trying to steal napkin attendant business

you wait for them to wipe that soup off your mouth uh... come on to jersey or again this guy this gotta be something more meaningful you can mandate people to do or mandate a job for uh... now it's cross a bridge or drive through tunnel to new york the empire state There's got to be something more meaningful. You can mandate people to do or mandate a job for. Now it's cross a bridge or drive through tunnel to New York, the Empire State, where their motto is Excelsior. That represents New York's continuous search for excellence and the belief in a strong,

bright and ever better future. How dandy? There are 19.45 million people approximately in New York hoping for that ever better future. And some are also hoping to avoid fines and jail time for really odd laws like New York Peele Code, Article 26, Agriculture and Markets, Section 379 on animals. The prohibition of the selling of fur, hair, skin or flesh of a dog or cat. Good luck selling any of that sweet, sweet, doodle hair, New York doodle barons? It shall be unlawful. For any person firm partnership or corporation to know

any import, sell, offer for sale, manufacture, distribute, transport, or otherwise market or trade in the fur, hair, skin, or flesh of a domesticated dog or domesticated cat. Whether domestically raised or imported from another country or any product or item contained or comprised of the fur, hair, skin, or flesh of a domesticated dog or domesticated cat. Whether domestically raised or imported from another country, or any product or item contained or comprised of the fur, hair, skin, or flesh of a dog or cat. As used in this section, the term domesticated dog or cat shall not mean or include coyotes, fox, links, or bark cat. Manufacturers or suppliers shall provide certification to each retailer that any fur, hair, skin, or flesh contained in such items is not derived from domesticated dog or domesticated cat. The Commissioner shall establish a standard for the certification required by the provisions

of Subdivision 2 of this section on the effective date of this section. A violation of this section shall be punishable by a civil penalty of up to $1,000, for an individual and up to $5,000 for a corporation for the first violation. Any subsequent violation shall be punishable by a civil penalty of up to $25,000. Mr. Jenkins, the court finds you guilty of selling taboo cat socks and doodle sweaters yet again. These are your second and third violations.

The court orders you pay a fine of $50,000. And the court begs you to please stop shaving down your cats and do to make and sell socks and sweaters. Quote will not hesitate to add animal cruelty charges to your next defense. Next we're heading over to the Keystone State, Pennsylvania, 12.8 million hardworking folks live within this borders. Some of these folks are babies, like you know, literal babies, not as people who complain all the time and cry easily. I'm sure there are some of them as well.

But when it comes to actual babies, it is illegal to barter them. Article D, chapter 43, sub chapter A, section 4305 of crimes against the family. A person is guilty of a misdemeanor of the first degree if he deals in humanity by trading bartering, buying, selling or dealing, and infant children. They have like trading or dealing. Are you trading babies? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I mean, I deal a baby here and there, but I'm trading.

So interesting, they have separate human trafficking laws that are felony, is the deal with protecting adults and children from sex and labor trafficking Pages and pages of legislation on human trafficking and These crimes are felonies of the first or second degree This is still in the books and it's a misdemeanor to barter a baby as a misterer What do we hear like the little technicality there your honor? I did not human traffic my baby. I did not sell my baby into sexual slavery. And I sold my baby to some kind of a dentured servitude. I just really,

really wanted a remote control car. And I did not have enough money to pay for it. So I bartered my baby for it. They wanted a baby. I wanted an armor, craten, four by four, eight S BLX monster truck with a 1250 kilovolt brushless speed engine. I wanted an armor, craten, four by four, eight S BLX monster truck with a 1250 kill vote brushless speed engine. I don't see a victim here. Next up, Rhode Island, the ocean state has just over a million people and their legislature does not take kindly to bighters and mamers. They want to be biting and maiming in Rhode Island. Title 11, criminal offenses, chapter 29, section one. Every person who shall voluntarily maliciously

or of purpose put out an eye, slip the nose, ear or lip or cut off bite off or disable any limb or member of another shall be imprisoned. Not exceeding 20 years, nor less than one year. Who's writing these lines? The language is so fucking weird. Now I picture it at defense attorney. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I'm not gonna deny that my client, rabbit Ronny McRazert

teeth, did indeed. Now the left arm off of the defendant. I guess this be the plaintiff. There we go. The plaintiff. A lyle soft bone little limb. You've seen the video. You can see lyle sitting there in a tank top,

clearly down a limb. But did he do it maliciously or of purpose? Or did he do it because he was really, really drunk? He doesn't see too well. Super hungry. And he thought Mr. Soft Bone little limbs, left up a appendage with a tasty hot dog. Isn't that a vicious crime?

This was a vicious accident. Next up, the state of Vermont, the Green Mountain State houses just over 620,000 meat sacks. That's a bit more for some reason. I forget that Vermont is so rural sometimes. The Vermont State legislature created a law that prohibits outline solar collectors and clotheslines listing both items as energy devices based on renewable resources. I just love that the law outlaws outlawing them. Like what led to that?

Some lunatic who had a real hard on for clothes lines for some reason, you know, God, I'm like, let's neighborhood's gone to shit! Look at all these clothes lines. Oh, of course my property value dropped 6% year to year. How could I not? Living in this dirty sea of clothes lines. Look at my kid's neck. Look at that, look at that, look at that mark. Kid can't take a shortcut through a neighbor's yard and this crazy day and age without catching a clothesline to the neck anymore. And that nonsense wraps up our look at New England.

On now to the South. South claims more states than any other region. 16, Delaware, Maryland, Virginia, West Virginia, Kentucky, North Carolina, South Carolina, Tennessee, Georgia, Florida, Alabama, Mississippi, Arkansas, Louisiana, Texas, and Oklahoma. A Washington DC also included in the South, according to the US Census Bureau. Let's start our trek into the South with a lovely state of Alabama, the Yellow Hammer State, where there are roughly 4.9 million elevations congregating there. Uh, if you want to celebrate Marty Grah and mobile, what you have at it, but what you will not do legally is use plastic and fettie.

You plastic and fettie loving piece of shit. Local ordinance 39, 022, 2018. It shall be unlawful and an offense against the city for any person to have in possession, keep store use manufacture sell offer for sale give away or handle any Non-biodegradable plastic-based confetti serpentine or other substance or matters similar there too Within the city or within its police jurisdiction Someone got tired of cleaning that shit up

I love that it's just illegal to have it in your possession. What's that there in your pocket, Bub? Some small paces of plastic-y looking paper type stuff? No, nothing officer. You would be hiding some of that plastic-based confetti with you, Johnny. I need to take you in for another confetti offense. Arkansas is our next date. He's just overdicated

Birthplace of Walmart known as the natural state has just over three million people living there today and The stupid law where we're tossed out as examples so incredibly specific Here we go subdivision c1 of 566 111 of the Arkansas code annotated 1.56611 of the arcades are coded annotated. Following under Title 5 criminal offenses, subtitle 6 offenses against public health safety or welfare, Chapter 66 gambling. A coin operated amusement device, including a pinball machine

that takes only one coin for each player, for each game. And that is equipped with flippers that can be activated by the player to propel a ball back onto the plane surface of the machine so as to prolong the plane time and increase the score attained by the player and upon which not more than 25 free games can be won by the player are specifically designated as an amusement device the use of an amusement device described in subdivision C1 of the section is declared to be legal so long as all state and usable taxes have been paid. And the owner of the amusement device has obtained a permit filed a bond and paid the privilege

tax required. Privileged tax, fuck off state legislators. Really? Uncle Sam needs that fucking pinball money. Gotta make sure the pinball barons aren't making too much pinball cashola. I love to see them really trying to force this, right? Some do run the diner, the pinball machine in the corner

versus the state of Arkansas. You know, just, just in court. I don't give a fuck what you're all is, your honor. I'll do respect. I'm gonna let my customers play and kinda goddamn pinball, like fuck, want to. You just don't tilt my machine. You don't tilt my machine, Ricky Bobby. Now I want to Delaware. I don't consider Delaware part of the South, but internet disagrees. Technically classified as one of the South Atlantic states. Nick named

the first state has a population of just under a million people. Here it's legal to obtain an annulment if you got married on a dare or on a prank. The official law states that a marriage may be annulled if one of both parties enter the marriage as a jest or dare, I like that one. I should be legal to have a jest marriage annulled. Excuse me, it's also legal and Delaware for a pond broker to take or receive as a pledge or pond

any artificial limb, illegal and Delaware for a pawn broker to take or receive as a pledge or pawn any artificial limb. It isn't illegal for someone to pawn their wooden leg, but it is illegal for the pawn broker to take it. Now, I'm picturing the most ludicrous undercover operation of all time. Some cop with one of his arms, you know, just like strapped down to his body under a big coat pretending to have a prosthetic arm.

I push this back in the 70s, right? Cop has like a hook for a fake hand. He's been coming in the punch out for weeks, building up some rapport, making the owner of the punch outfield comfortable because he knows he's dirty. He's talking to TV, guitar, gun, Making him think he's like a heroin addict or something before he moves in for the kill. Hey, Tony. I'm hurting again.

How much, huh? And he leans in your whispers. How much for the arm? Holly, you know I can't take your arm. That's legal. Come on, Tony. You're worried too much. Well, you think the fake on please

They're coming here and bust you Well That is a nice hook I could sell that Well, it's saying like this is this is the first fake on I've ever made a few bucks off over my rights That's when the underarm cop, you know tosses like to fake arm aside and he unstraps his real arm. He hands up motherfucker! I knew it! I knew he was cooking, Tony! You fake ass-on, Della Dezrova! You know the cops, you know? You know, the cop he talks directly into the wire, he's with. We got it boys!

Operation Captain Hook complete! Oh boy. That's a fun thing to think about for me at least. Not surprising, District of Columbia has some odd laws. They're next. Oh boy, that's a fun thing to think about for me at least. Not surprising the District of Columbia has some odd laws. They're next. Washington DC has right around 700,000 people living where it is still technically illegal to hire a woman to dance with a man in a dance hall.

Also nobody has legally permitted to dance for longer than 12 hours and he given 24-hour period random. Put away your dance and choose. It's a it's serious town time DC Weird amount of dancing laws and DC citizens are not permitted to dance sing whistle or swear While at or anywhere near a public convenience station and dammit no dancing is permitted within the Jefferson Memorial Someone you know had a real hatred of dance and DC at one time. Damn it, Jerry! I fucking had it with all the dancing! These clowns are dancing, they're Jefferson Memorial now!

They're jitterbucking! They're chubby checker in outside the gas station, trying to fill up! And whistling! It was not the dancing, it was the whistling! It was not one thing it's another! And they're not all dancing for free either! I'll tell you that much!

I'm shutting it down! I'll shut it all down, Jerry. And tighten up your hips when you're walking around here in the office. The way you sway back and forth it almost feels like you're dancing. God damn it. My favorite crazy DC law, you are legally forbidden to marry your mother-in-law or your grandma or grandpa or your partner's grandma and grandpa and others. They really spell it out. They get very specific. Per the code of the district of Columbia, title 46 domestic relations, chapter four marriage, section 46 401 dot 01 2 A marriages void, ab initial in general.

Says the following marriages are prohibited in the district of Columbia and shall be absolutely void ab initial without being so decreed and their nullility, nullity may be shown in any collateral proceedings, namely the marriage of a person with the person's grandparent. Grandparent spouse. Spouse was grandparent. Parent sibling. Parent. Step parents. Step spouse was parent. Child. Spouse is, child, spouse, sibling, child, child, child, spouse, spouse, spouse, child, child, sibling, child. The way that's all written it makes it feel like somebody worked extra hard, right, to find loopholes. Somebody else just had to keep shutting them down. Okay, fine, sure, but I can still remember my grandma, right?

No! No, you can't wear my grandma, right? No! No, you can't wear your grandma. I'm putting that in the code now. All right, okay. I can still wear my wife's grandma. No, no, I'm writing that too. Damn it. Oh, fine.

I can go and wear my stuff mom, still. No, you're not. I knew you're gonna ask that. I already wrote it down. Oh my, oh my, my grandkids, give Mary some day. I'm a Mary. I wanna, I already wrote it down. Oh my, but one of my grandkids, give Mary some day, I'm a Mary, I'm a Mary, whoever they are married to. The fuck you will, Johnny! I've also written that in.

You can't marry your child's child's spouse if son of a bitch. Okay, you ready for the sunshine state? Florida has to have something crazy, right? The nation's third largest state with 21 and a half, almost million folks as of 2019 has a laundry list of stupid shit that somehow passed their legislative bodies and Florida because this actually became a thing that was getting out of hand. A law was passed in 1989 banning the tossing of dwarves and bars.

Florida statutes, title 34. Alcoholic beverages in tobacco, chapter 561, beverage law administration, section 665. Division to restrictrict Licenses from Permitting Certain Activities. The Division shall, Promial Gears Rules, to become effective no-liter than October 1, 1989, to prohibit every person maintaining only in our operating and commercial establishment, located within the state, at which alcoholic beverages are offered for sale

on the premises, from undertaking or permitting, any contest or promotion or other form of recreational activity involving exploitation, endangering the health, safety, and welfare of any person with dwarfism. For the purposes of this section, the term dwarfism means a disproportionate or proportionate short stature, most often caused by a genetic syndrome. The division may suspend or revoke the license of and may impose a civil penalty not to exceed $1,000. Against any person and violation of any rule promulgated pursuant that the provisions of this section as authorized and according to the procedures set forth. Holy shit. So many people were drunkenly tossing dwarves of bars. As a state legislature felt like it needed to intervene.

Then I think this is extra crazy. In 2011, Florida State Representative Rich Workman tried to repeal this exact law. He wanted to get it off the books. He was like America's not free. Unless we can drunkenly toss dwarves and bars. Other people do not get enough votes to go through. The law remains. Georgia next up on our tour, the peach state, 10.6 million people and apparently a lot of them like Lamas, like a horse around with some Lamas. And if you horse around an Alama, and you get hurt, don't even think about doing the llama owner in Georgia, okay? They've been given a certain amount of litigation

immunity by the Georgia State government because what's good for Georgia is more llamas. Her legislative determination of the Georgia Department of Agriculture, Animal Industry Division. The general assembly recognizes that persons who participate in equine activities or llama activities may incur injuries as a result of the risk involved in such activities. The General Assembly also finds us a state in its citizens to arrive numerous economic and personal

benefits from such activities. The General Assembly finds the term is in declares that this chapter is necessary for the inter for the immediate preservation of the public peace health and safety It is therefore the intent of the General Assembly to encourage equine activities and llama activities By limiting the civil liability of those involved in such activities. I like this one actually Want to fuck around an llama fine? Whatever happens happens, asshole. It's on you. Down in the peach state, you can take that llama lawsuit, you can show it up, you're too dumb to stand a llama ass.

Next stop, Kentucky. Yeah, yeah. The bluegrass state of Kentucky. Next down in the road, at least alphabetically, they have almost 4 1,5 million meat sex. We're running around doing meat sex stuff there. And if you ever find yourself in a duel in Kentucky, well, you can pretty much kiss your dream of becoming a Kentucky lawyer, legislator, or public officer, goodbye from the Kentucky State Constitution.

Members of the General Assembly and all offices before they enter upon the execution of the duties of their respective offices and all members of the bar before they enter upon the practice of their profession. Shall take the following oath or affirmation. I do solemnly swear or affirm as the case may be that I will support the Constitution of the United States and the Constitution of this Commonwealth and be faithful and true to the Commonwealth of Kentucky. So long as I continue, as citizen thereof, and that I will faithfully execute to the best of my ability, the office of according to law

And I do further solemnly swear or affirm that since the adoption of the present constitution I'll be in a citizen of the state have not fought a duel with deadly weapons within this state no out of it No have I sent or accepted a challenge to fight a duel with deadly weapons No out of it. No have I sent or accepted a challenge to fight a duel with deadly weapons. No have I acted as second in carrying a challenge. No aided or assisted any person thus offending so help me God. This one's been on the books a long time and it's only stayed on I guess because it's a pain in the ass to amend it.

Looks like the last time someone tried to amend it and they apparently failed was back in 2010 and I just love it after passing the bar exam Kentucky lawyers still have to take that oath. You still have to swear they haven't been in a duel. This law comes from the fact that back in the 18th, early 19th centuries, duels were super common in Kentucky. A lot of hotheads who were quick to draw down. And after a while people started thinking maybe those people aren't the best to be running things. Right? Maybe they shouldn't be helping with laws and stuff. And that's Kentucky. Now let's head down to the Pel to be running things, right? Maybe they shouldn't be helping with laws and stuff. And that's Kentucky.

Now let's head down to the Pelican state, Louisiana, with over 4.6 million people, home to the big easy, Nola, land of trading boobs, flashes for beads, love, New Orleans, Hellos, Vienna, all sorts of weird Louisiana laws. Here are some highlights. You cannot legally eat more than three sandwiches as someone's wake. You cannot legally eat more than three sandwiches as someone's wake.

You cannot bring your snake within 200 yards of a Madagra parade. Can't legally gargle in public. Tying an alligator to a fire hydrant's illegal. Can't practice voodoo between the city limits of New Orleans. You can't be an alcoholic. In the city limits of the small town of Solfer. They literally on the books illegal to be alcoholic. Order an apiece to be delivered to your friend

without them knowing could land you a $500 fine. In Louisiana. One too many drunk pranks apparently, or a thousand too many, reminds you that anonymous hacking group prank. And finally in Jefferson parish, miners are not allowed to wander into businesses with coin operated foosball machines,

unless they are a company by an adult. Someone's parents got pissed at how much money little Bobby was blowing on foosball machines unless they are a company by an adult. Someone's parents got pissed at how much money little Bobby was blowing on foosball. Boggali allow needed to be passed. Now we traveled to Maryland. Maryland's known as both the old line state and the free state. It's capital Annapolis andapolis. Uh, has over, uh, well, sorry, it's capital is Annapolis and the state has over six million people.

If you find yourself driving through the Maryland town of Rockville. They're not saying a lot of shit I say on this podcast, like what I just said, because profanity and obscene language is legally forbidden. According to the city of Rockville licenses permits and miscellaneous business regulations. Article three, other offenses, section 1353, profanity, violation of section declared misdemeanor, subsections A, B, and C. A person may not profanely curse and swear or use obscene language upon or near any street, sidewalk or highway, within the hearing of persons passing by. Upon or long such street,

sidewalk or highway, a person may not act in a disorderly manner by profanely cursing, swearing or using obscene language. Any person who violates the sections guilty of a misdemeanor. I like how they break it down into three little subsections. You can't profanely curse or swear or use obscene language. Who decides, you know, like what language is obscene? I think in a law they should have to list out the exact words. I like picturing some, you know, stuffy city council person, so uncomfortable reading some list of filthy words just goes on for like fucking 15 minutes long.

Just up there. You are not to say in the city of Rockville, Maryland, Ass, Asshole, Balls, Ball liquor, A VROCK VILMARALAND ASS ASS-HOL BALLS BALL LICKER BALL TICKLER but but fuck but fucker but hole COCK COCK SUCKER COCK STUFFER

COCK SWALLER CREP-CON-CON-FACE-CON-LICKER DICK DICK-DICK-LICKER-DICK-WAH-DICK-FUCK-FUCK-FUCK-FUCK-FUCKER FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCK-FUCK-FUCK-FUCK-FUCK-FUCK-WAH The mayor felt like- dickhead dick licker dickwa dick fuck fuck fuck face fucker fucking fucking fuck you fucking fuck off fuck fuck fuck fuck wad the mayor's feeling like enough my precious ears are burning I just write it up it's profanely cursing swearing over using obscene language my my god rob I was

painful to listen to now let's scooch on over to Mississippi the magnolia state our next destination with the population of almost three million illegal to kick out more than one illegitimate child. The legit one. The second one slides out. Oh, okay. Well, technically you can be looking at a fine or maybe even some jail time. Mississippi code title 97 chapter 29 section 11. If any person who should have previously become the natural parent of an illegitimate child within or without his state By co- Co-

Co- No one ever says this without loud. Co- Co- Co- Co- Co- Co- Co- Co-

Co- Co- Co- Co- Co- Co- Co- Co- Co- Co- Co- Co- Co- Co-

Co- Co- Co- Co- Co- Co- Co- Co- Co- Co- Co- Co- Co- Co- Co- Co- state. Your Shee. Shelby guilty of a misdemeanor. And upon conviction thereof, she'll be punished by imprisonment in the county jail for not less than 30 days, no more than 90 days. But by a fine of not more than $250 or both, a subsequent conviction here under, she'll be punished for not less than three months, no more than six months. But by a fine of not more than $500 or both.

A circuit court with a county in which said illegitimate child is born, shall have jurisdiction of any action brought under this section. No male person, no male person, shall be convicted solely on the uncorroble rate of testimony, or the female person here in birth to the child. I gotta say, while they don't agree with how it's worded. I don't completely hate it Feel like the spirit of this law was passed, you know to stop people from having kids that can't properly provide for maybe or maybe just some more list bullshit

This is fucking kind of some dick lines there at the end. No, no, no, man. Oh, come on now. This is for the females Women may not have a little gentleman show them, we don't know how many kids we have. We can't do drag, that's just nature. Anyway, any who's old? If this caught the fuck. North Carolina is next. The Tar Heel State has almost 10 and a half million people

that have put up with some interesting legislation over the years. As a kid growing up in Riggins, I used to play in the cemetery. It was like a huge yard with some really cool looking rocks, you know, how did I grow up in Fayetteville, North Carolina? I could have been fine. Section 819 of Fayetteville's Code of Ordnance prohibits camping and cemeteries also prohibited our quote,

picknicking, lunching, hunting, gathering berries, fruits or nuts, running, romping, you can't run or romp, plane, loitering, lounging, line full length or sitting on the ground. I specifically let that they added no plane and no line full length or sitting on the ground. Also, Fadeville, you missed vegetables. All right. Pretty glaring mist there.

You covered berries, fruits and nuts, all right? Pretty glaring mist there. You covered berries, fruits, and nuts, but you skimmed out of vegetables. Now I pictured some grave digger, getting caught with a shovel in his hand, but finding the loophole. What? Grave robbing? No, no, no, no, you got it all wrong.

I was looking for some taters. I heard some potatoes were planted here. I was just, you know, I was digging around. North Carolina is also hard on soft decks, one kind of intended. Well, that's a big deal. I did North Carolina, not respect so shamecock. If I still alive, she could deal with like the rassul lawmakers.

Maybe jerk on their tombstone later in Sanitary. I know this is not said that it's illegal to jerk on graves. Yeah, she could deal like, you never know when he's gonna come back. I never know, is not said that the legal to the jerk on grieves. Yeah, she could do lucky. Never know when he's gonna come back. I never know. Don't go into the info. Seriously though, impotence is legal grounds for divorce in North Carolina. Oklahoma is next. The sooner state around four million residents are one I just three-legged freedom-loven pitbull mascot, Bojangles might have been a state legislator in Oklahoma at one time They wrote a statute into their official state legislation. That's it's not a law exactly

I guess it's more like a legal warning But I'm including it because it's in there. Yeah, official state legislation and it's about the dangers of communism State statutes 21-12661. Upon evidence and proof already presented before this legislature, Congress, the courts of the state and the courts of the United States, it is here now found and declared to be a fact that there exists an international communist conspiracy which is committed to the overthrow of the government of the United States and of the several states, including that of the state of Oklahoma, by force or violence such conspiracy, including the Communist Party of the United States, its component of related parts and members, and that such conspiracy constitute to clear and present danger to the government of the United States and of this state.

This really need to be included as a statute. And why did whoever write this, uh, right, of the United States and of the several states, with like which one, several, not all of them, not even most of them, very peculiar wording there. Uh, also legally, uh, cannot wrestle a bear in Oklahoma. Fair amount of states have that one. Guessing is coming from a back when circus side shows, you know, featured a fair amount of rasslin that didn't end well for a lot of people and or bears. Uh, South Carolina's our next stop known as the Palmetto state has 5.1 million humans.

They have a whole bunch of stupid crazy laws. They are not going anywhere anytime soon. Back in 2015, state senators, Stephen Goldfinch during his time in the House of Representatives introduced a bill, a bill to repeal 11 of the state's most outdated laws. He said they were chosen at random. I asked my staffers to pick the most ridiculous ones. Goldfinch said, and his bill died in the Uh, he couldn't repeal some ridiculously outdated laws. Uh, the 11 laws included things like no shopping on Sundays, unless it's for light bulbs or other necessities, no minors playing on pinball machines.

And anyone caught in a duel loses their right to vote. All this dual legislation. And also, all state senators, Stephen Goldfinch's team never found this, uh, the statute in the existing codes. They came across a rumor that it was legal in Charleston to beat your wife with a stick. Jesus Christ. On the courthouse steps, if it's a Sunday, there are a lot of the, a lot of the crazy sex laws we talked about, the beginning of the show on the book, still in South Carolina

as well. There's still a lot that says men or women guilty of adultery or fornication can be fined between $105 in prison between six months in a year. Another law still in the books outlaws Sodomy with jail time of five years and at least a $500 fine. Next on our trip to the South is the volunteer state of Tennessee, a state of over 6.8 million unique Americans, all kinds of wild claims out there, but all sorts of crazy Tennessee laws A lot of them seem to be urban myths and legends, but here's a weird one still in the books

It's illegal to fuck with the Albino deer you heard me leave me alone Added in 2014 under Tennessee State legal code title what 70 wildlife resources chapter four Missilaneous regulations part one hunting and fishing statute 130 Albino deer Title 70, Wildlife Resources, Chapter 4, Miscellaneous Regulations, Part 1, Hunting and Fishing Statute 130, Albino Deer. It, this is a broken out in sections. A, it is unlawful for any person to knowingly hunt, kill, trap, ensnare, or destroy, or attempt to destroy, or to have in such person's possession, Albino Deer, which is a deer with a lack,

or significant deficiency of pigment in the skin and hair, and with pink eyes. B, any violations of the proclamations or rules and regulations promulgated by the Fish and Wildlife Commission are punishable as provided in this title and the illegal taking or possession of each animal constitute a separate offense. C, violation of this section is a class B misdemeanor punishable by fine only. So why is it illegal to hunt albino deer? That part's harder to figure out. It seems to me because, well, just some people think they're

really fucking cool. Now like a deer unicorn of sorts, and you know, you don't see a lot of them, and people don't kill them because it makes their heart sad. That's about all I can figure out. Now we come to the largest state in the South, second largest in the country with 29 million people, the lone star state of Tejas, Texas. If you recall from the beginning of the episode, uh, the possession of more than six dildos prohibitive in the state, you're on that holiday of bills above is not self-pleasured. She is performing. And that simply will not do in the great state of Tejas. Uh, interestingly, Texas seems to have gotten rid of most of their other super weird laws. There are tons of chaos. Interestingly, Texas seems to have gotten rid of most of their other super weird laws.

There's tons of websites out there, half of them from rock radiostations and they're half from lawyers, law offices, repeating claims of laws such as it's illegal to not notify someone 24 hours in advance, even to end the committed crime. They seem to be urban legends. Kinda scary, I think, that so many law firms

have copied and pasted a bunch of legal, like, you know, clickbait lists without bothering to see if the laws are actually on the books or not, you know, because they're fucking lawyers. They should be able to figure that out. Are all of the laws, you know, we've claimed here today still in the books. Well, they all appear on state legislative websites. Are those websites continually updated? Could some of them have been recently repealed? I mean, I guess so. But at least they were legal until very recently.

Virginia is next. The historical state, often called the Old Dominion state, the birthplace of the nation, the mother of presidents and the mother of states. It's capital is Richmond. It contains over eight and a half million bipedal carbon-based meat and water bags of Virginia just recently passed a bunch of interesting loss. In 2019 the state officially approved a bill that removed the prohibition of hunting or

killing raccoons after 2 a.m. on Sundays. Finally, it's legal to kill some raccoons at three o'clock in the morning on a Sunday. There's a little burglar stuff that you just fucking chill on Sundays, not anymore. And take those little creepy little raccoon paw hands, better climb up high and hide. On 2020, an old law was finally repealed and you can now legally curse in public. Fucking a Virginia noise. And like I mentioned earlier, Virginia just legalized or, yeah, unmarried sex in 2020. Hey, I lose the Fina. So they've more, you know, gotten rid of some weird, you know, outdated laws recently.

And then taking some laws, they probably should have kept off the books. Next to Virginia is the mountain state known as West Virginia. West Virginia, mama, mama. It's almost 1.8 million people. And dogs will hunt. Everyone knows who knows anything about million people and dogs will hunt. Everyone knows who knows anything about dogs, knows dogs will hunt. Legal to take a dog hunting in West Virginia, but you can't use a ferret.

Where did this come from? According to chapter 20, the natural resources chapter of the West Virginia legal code, Article 2 wildlife section 12. It's unlawful to hunt, catch, take, kill, injure, or pursue a wild animal or wild bird with the use of a ferret. I think that's bullshit. Anyone can use a bloodhound, flush out some deer. How many hunters can do the same thing with a ferret? You train a ferret to help run down a wild boar, retrieve some ducks, best, you know, help track and take down like a black bear. There should be a fucking trophy of you in that ferret never hunting supply store in the land.

I would love to come across some dude out in the woods with a fucking hunting ferret. Parked on his shoulder. Oh, that little guy's cute. Do you have him fun? Uh, fun! I guess you could call it fun. He just took down a six point trophy buck about two hours ago and that ridge over there. Not even have to shoot it. He ran it down himself, climbed up its leg, fucking tore out his juggler. Time I made it to the deer.

He was taking a nap on his carcass as for field dressing that some bitch. That's it for the south. Yeah, yeah. On to the Midwest, but first about halfway through our virtual road trip, this feels like the least intrusive spot for a sponsored break. Thank you for listening.

Now let's head to the Midwest and see what kind of crazy legal shit is currently plaguing the heartland. Midwest consists of 12 states. Ohio, Michigan, Indiana, Wisconsin, Illinois, Minnesota, Iowa, Missouri, North Dakota, South Dakota, Nebraska, and Kansas. First on our tour of the Midwest is Illinois, the Prairie State, home of the city of Chicago, the third largest city in America, and to a statewide population of 12 and a half million people. Mispronunciation is a crime in one Illinois city. Oh, I've been jailed there forever.

Actually luckily it's just for one word. In Juliet, early residents, sick of hearing their town's name mispronounced as Jolly Yet, made pronouncing it Jolly Yet a misdemeanor, punishable by $5 fine. All right, okay. There's a bunch of super weird laws in Illinois. I just feel like it's still a little joke law.

In Chicago, it's illegal to eat while inside a burning building. That one feels like it came from some real incidents. I wonder if they ever had to point that law out to anybody. And if so, if it helped. Sir, you need to get outside at once. There's whole buildings about to go up and flames. Yeah, yeah, I hear you yacking. You're gonna finish my broadcast. And I'll be out of your hair. I have no idea where the accent came from. I'm not even trying to, I can't remember now. It's all blending. Sir, the flames are right behind you.

I know why it's guy. They keep my dog warm. Dammit, sir, it's illegal to eat inside a burning building. All right, Bob, why didn't you say so in the first place? I'll finish outside. At least the flames will still keep my bun warm. When someone sells a reptile in Illinois, they are legally required to give the purchaser

a written warning telling all sorts of stuff, including not to kiss the reptile, but to legally tell people not to kiss the reptile. Illinois Animal Werefare Wellfare Act Statue 605 Chapter 18 Section 1, Subsection D, clearly states, don't nuzzle or kiss your pet reptile. Why? It's to keep people from getting salmonella. Subsection A states, as with many other animals people from getting salmonella. Subsection A states, as with many other animals, reptiles carry salmonella bacteria, which can make people sick. Safe

reptile handling step should be taken to reduce the chance of infection. I picture someone lawyer talking to the parents of some kid who's racked up tens of thousands of medical bills recovering from a savage case of salmonella infection after kissing his iguana. Did they tell you not to kiss the lizard? Did they hand you a list of warnings on a piece of paper? At least eight and a half by eleven inches big with a warning written in clearly visible font? No! Well, don't you worry about those medical bills?

Pardon my language, but I am fucking furious! This isn't the first time I've had to go face to face with Larry Clement from Larry Clements house or reptiles Enough is enough. Let's move on The Hoosier states are next up Indiana with six and six point seven million people According to Indiana code title 7.1 alcohol and tobacco 7.13105 At least as recently as 2018 liquor stores could not sell refrigerated water or soda They can sell and only sell liquor, beer and wine,

an original packaging. And bar supplies, using preparing alcoholic beverages for consumption, and tobacco products, and printed materials. Lottery tickets, cooled and uncooled flavored malt beverages, including non-alcoholic malt beverages. And sure, take a cell water, soda, ginger ale, grenadine, shit like that.

That shit has to be room temp. You want some, ginger ale, grenadine, shit like that. That shit has to be room temp. You want some cold ginger ale? Well, you can go cool that shit off yourself, asshole. You're not getting it done here, not legally. You want some refrigerated water, go fuck yourself. What you try some other non-licker store? Maybe try some liquor store. It doesn't give two shits about Johnny Law.

Indiana also has one of the very few laws we could find that allude to the legality or illegality illegality. There we go, of boners. Indiana noticeable boners are illegal in public. This might be my favorite ridiculous law. This is outrageous. This is covered in Indiana code Title 35 criminal law and procedure article 45 offenses against public health order and decency chapter four in decent acts and prostitution. Three types of indecent exposure are prohibited in Indiana and here and here is how they lay out the third. Public nudity.

Intentionally appearing in public nude with pubic area, posterior or female nipples exposed or a covered, clearly erect penis. Usually, public nudity is a class C misdemeanor. However, if done with the intent to be seen by a person, it's a class B misdemeanor. If done intentionally at a school park on an Indian Department of Natural Resources property with intent to sexually arouse anyone, it's a class A misdemeanor. If the defendant has a previous conviction, it's increased to a level 6 felony. Class C misdemeanor up to 60 days in incarceration and a fine of up to

$500. Class B misdemeanor up to 180 days in incarceration and a fine of up to $500. Class B, misdemeanor, up to 180 days in incarceration, and a find them up to $1,000. Class A, misdemeanor, up to a year in costuration. Find them up to $5,000, and level six fell on these six months to 200, half years in costuration. Find them up to $10,000. Well, shit, you get caught two times at the park with a boner underneath your sweatpants.

Right? People think that you get that boner for a reason. I would be like, why wouldn the park with a boner underneath your sweatpants. Right? And people think that you got that boner for a reason. I was like, why wouldn't you have a boner for some kind of reason, I guess? But you know, you got your eyes on somebody, you got a boner. You're gonna spend at least six months in jail, maybe two and a half years. I was just gonna say what happened the third time. Picture some smug cop. Well, if it ain't boner, Billy. Nice spandex shorts, boner, Billy.

Should I be flatter by that rock hard dog or should my partner officer cleavage take the honors? You ain't getting off with a $300 fine this time. No, no, you're going to slammer for at least six months. Curious what your cellmate's gonna think of that meat sword you love showing off boner belly. I couldn't find any examples of anyone going to jail for this. It seems so ridiculous. I mean, if it's in your shorts or your fucking sweatpants,

is it weird to walk around with a noticeable boner? Yeah. Creepy? Sure. Troubling. Well, if the boner owner is, you know, googling some kids at a school or a park certainly, but illegal? I don't know. To me, the crime isn't having the boner. It's what one does with the boner. It can be a crime. It seems a little presumptive, right?

Just like you can say to a bad president, you know, what if you just have boners all the time? What if you just want those people, you just got a boner, you know, good part of the time and you just really like to wear sweatpants. And you're like, you know, go to the park, but a little basketball or something. Oh boy, I'm not going to top that one in India.

Let's take our sweatpants boners, move it along to the Hawkeye State, Iowa. About 3.2 million people, Iowa doesn't fuck around when it comes to butter. If you're told you're being given real butter, well then by God, you've been given some real butter in Iowa. 2016 Iowa Code Title V, Agriculture Chapter 191, labeling foods, section 191.5, advertising, only a margin in restrictions. No person in person or by an agent,

shall by any means whatsoever, directly or indirectly advertise, or represent by an agent, shall by any means whatsoever, directly or indirectly advertise, or represent by statement printing, writing, circular poster design, device, grade designation, advertisement, simple sound, or any combination thereof, that Olio, Oliomargin or Margin, or any brand of Olio, Oliomargin,

or Margin, is a dairy product for the purpose of inducing, or which is likely to induce directly or indirectly the purchase for consumption of Olio, Oliio olio marginal margarine or any brand thereof over shall violate this provisions shall be deemed guilty of a simple misdemeanor punishable by up to 30 days in jail and a 625 dollar fine Two inmates in the cell how long you in for month What'd you do? I lied about some butter.

Ah, it's crazy man, that's bunch of bullshit. Better than my cousin though, you've been in prison for fucking two years, Nandy Napolis. Forget another sweatpants boner. It's a basketball to park. I fucking told him man, I kept telling him I'm like dude. When you play down low man, I get it, you want some hard deep and not that hard, you know what I'm saying? You want to give that do some space.

You put your hand smaller back when you're trying to post, but you know, Billy don't listen. Now let's move on to Kansas. Nick named the sunflower states, also known as the J-Hawk state, population of just three million people. We were just there last week right outside of Wichita with that angel's landing Colton sanity.

Let's look at some Wichita laws. City ordinance, 582, 10 states, it is unlawful for any person to use any telephone instrument, telephone equipment, telephone facilities, or telephasomeal, communication device, for any kind of the following purposes. Knowingly make or transmit any comment, request, suggestion or proposal, which is obscene,

lude, lascivious, filthy, or indecent. What? It's illegal. If I can talk dirty on the phone, it's law is punishable by a fine of up to $2500 or a year in prison. Talking dirty pizza hut, you can go jail for a year. You can also get fines and or jail time for swimming or bathing in a city fountain

taking dirt from the airport to outside of the airport or throwing trash in a public swimming pool. Okay, those last ones don't seem too crazy. Let's find something crazy here at Michigan. Michigan has just under 10 million meets to actually live in the Wolverine state, Wolverine, aka the Great Lakes state. And similar to what we discussed regarding the South Carolina law early on in Michigan,

it's illegal to seduce and debotch an unmarried woman on our cake, law in Michigan. Which has been on the books since 1931 states that any man who shall seduce and debotch an unmarried woman shall be guilty of a felony. If found guilty, the man can be punished without the five years in state prison or find not more than $2,500. Being such an imprecise law, you have to seduce and debauch. It's rarely used. Your honor.

Did my clients seduce the plaintiff? Of course. He's a smooth talker who's guilty guilty his hands, better with his mouth. And his penis is so delightful, legend has it, three angels announce every one of his erections with trumpets, but did he debauch her? Did he corrupt her? Did he debase her moral purity?

I introduced Exhibit XXX to the court. A voice recorded, my client makes every time he makes love to another sweet lady in an effort to perfect his craft. You can plainly hear the plaintiff's voice saying, and I quote, fuck that pussy till I come and pull it out and shit all over my tits. This is clearly not your honor Becky's first rodeo as they say. She's every bit the sexual animal my client is. The defense risks. Minnesota, I know it's very similar to what we talked about before. Minnesota is next on our crazy law tour, stop the bread and butter state, home to 5.6 million people.

And if you know anything about Minnesota, you know that they protect their pigs, right? They protect their turkeys. Might not know that, but they do. Minnesota state law 343.36 regarding greased pig contest and turkey scrambles. No person shall operate, run or participate in a contest game or other like activity in which a pig greased, oiled or otherwise is released and wearing the object is the capture of the pig or in which a chicken or turkey is released or thrown to the air and wearing the object is the capture of the chicken or turkey.

Any violation in this section is misdemeanor. Huh, I was in college. I won some pork chops in a trophy, I think for college, I won some pork chops. In a trophy, I think, for catching a pig in some two-bit rodeo that Gonzaga put on. I got my picture in the school paper and everything for chasing down that hog faster than the other people chasing hogs. Don't know, you know, didn't or didn't know.

My wild hog chase would be crime in Minnesota. I was first passed in 1971. I've also broken a more serious Minnesota law numerous times. I've slapped a lot of my friends on their asses over the years. A lot of a lot of good game buddy type of ass slaps. Prior to 2016, you could be charged with criminal sexual conduct in the 50-degree for dulling out a good game ass slap in Minnesota. Luckily, in 2016, that law was revised

and now excludes the intentional touching of the clothing covering the immediate area of the buttocks A high school basketball coach is resting easier now in the land of 10,000 lakes Not worried about having to register as a sex defender for tossing out a you know sweet sweet play a slap Actually, I don't know if that happened anymore. I did when I was growing up. They were not going to school Looking back on that. I guess it is I guess it is kind of weird Now let's enter Missouri with this population of roughly 6.1 million. Missouri has been called the mother of the West, the cave state, and the show me state. And when I talk about show me, or definitely not talking

about show me your naughty bits in Missouri, actually one of the most tragic true laws in Missouri is in Springfield where clothing that shows either side boobs or under boobs in public are banned. Show me state my ass. Proposed in response to Free the Nipple rallies in 2015, the legislation redefines indecent exposure to now include any segment of boob from the top of the area alled down as well as to the side and all of the butt, all of the butt. Subtun your butt crack.

The legislation mandated that women are now required to cover a greater percentage of their breasts in public and both sexes must cover 100% of their buttocks. Where sick are the crack? Where's the crack epidemic in Springfield? Per the new law, the indecency comes when these areas are shown for the purpose of sexual arousal or gratification, or which is likely to cause a front or alarm. That's pretty loose language. Well clearly they're trying to cause an affront.

Come on, we all sit and then how fucked up is it? Springfield City Councilman Justin Burnett, who sounds like a huge fucking douchebag. He's the person who proposed this ordinance, also removed a provision forbidding the showing of covered male genitals in a discernibly turgid state. He freed the boner and covered the nipple. Fuck Justin Burnett. Tricky determined if those city laws still exist in 2021.

It doesn't seem like anyone's actually been charged for indecency under that ordinance. No word on how many covered boners have been wandering around free in springfield over the past six years on the brass gets next nicknamed the corn husker state because corn so much corn that one point nine three million people roughly and lots and lots of corn we talked earlier about how you can't legally and theory get married in brass if you have an std well gone on over there

on january twenty twenty state senator matt henson introduced a introduced a bill to eliminate the provision altogether of that whole, you know, of venereal disease marriage stuff. It doesn't seem like he's able to eliminate it from what I can find. Maybe the revision just hasn't been published on the state website yet. Used to be illegal in Nebraska to be ugly in public. I know I'm trying to stick to like current laws, but this one was just too ridiculous for me not to include. It was illegal to be ugly in public. According to the Lincoln Police Department, their website, they post old laws on their website back at the tail end of the 19th century, quote, any person who is disease-mamed, mutilated or in any way deformed. So as to be unsightly or disgusting object or an improper person to be allowed

in or on the streets highways thoroughfares or public places in this city shall not therein or there on expose himself or herself to public view under the penalty of a fine of a dollar for each offense upon conviction of any person for violation of this section, if it shall seem proper and just to find provided for maybe suspended and such person detained at the police station, where he shall be well cared for until he can be sent to the county poor farm, right? They're not always going to find you. And I'm just going to throw you in jail until you know someone can, you know, put a fucking bag over your head and take you out of town. It's just so horrific. Some old police officer.

Hey you, what are you doing? Walk around the public with that face. My God, you like making children cry? And adults queasy, yeah. You're still a swamp troll. Come here, come here, greasy mug. Before we holly down the station and try and beat it back to pretty.

I love this next eight, nickname, the Flickr Tale State. Named after a kind of squirrel is North Dakota. Giant state where around 762,000 people live. We didn't find a lot of laws crazy on what you've already heard, a couple of weird ones though. And Fargo's skinny dipping in the red river is a legal between 8 a.m. and 9 p.m.

Making it presumably legal from 9 a.m. to 7.5.9 a.m. Noise. Also in Fargo, you can exterminate pigeons, but only if you get a pigeon extermination license first. City ordinance 11, 2002, no person firm or corporation, shall exterminate pigeons or other harmful wild birds without first having obtained a permit from the Fargo Health Department.

Application for such a permit shall be on forms to be provided by the city, and the permit shall specify the method of extermination to be utilized. I included this one because I like that language of like, they get to choose the method of extermination. And because I'm a fucking monster, I just imagine what it would be like if like,

they just wrote on the permit that it had to be a hammer. Fine, what? A hammer? After exterminating it was a hammer? All right, laws law. Let me go grab some plastic gloves. This is gonna be messy. Next is Ohio, the sweet, sweet bug I state

of right around 11.7 million meat sex, some of them my wife's family, Queen of Bad Magic Lindsay's home state. 1995 law was passed in Ohio, requiring underground coal mine operators to provide an adequate supply of toilet paper for each toilet. They also had to now provide a flush toilet for every 10 miners, hand-watching facilities in addition to the toilets and showers.

This law isn't crazy to me, it's crazy it needed to be passed because clearly some shady-ass fucking coal miner or several of them, some coal miner operator, was like, uh, toilets. They want toilets while Laudie fucking da! Fuck em! They can shit next to the coal they're mining, mine if you ask me they can piss on the shit They can wash their hands on each other's dirty sweaty fucking faces for like a shower. Oh, okay They can they can cry their faces for the black cold us off of the bothersome so much You want a nice carrying boss? Well, why don't you get out of the cold business?

I want you to serve some some froyo Maybe make some some dollies or something you a sissy fuck most of the rest of the supposedly crazy crazy laws in Ohio even once on actually like local news station website seem to be a lot of clickbait nonsense and now we head over to South Dakota the Mount Rushmore state around 884,000 people so many fake sounding South Dakota laws that only show up on those weird sites I about gave up and find a legit one and then the small city of Huron about 13,000 people live there saved the day It is illegal to create static in Huron between 7 a.m. and 11 p.m

Check out ordinance 932 010 titled unlawful to Cause Static. It shall be unlawful for any person, firm or corporation to operate or cause to be operated in the city of Huron. Any machine, device, apparatus or instrument of any kind, whatsoever, causing preventable or avoidable interference with television or radio broadcast for Stephen apparatus for the hours of 7 o'clock a.m. and 11 o'clock p.m. of any day. Also, if it's suspected that one of your devices is causing static, the city electrical inspector or his duly authorized deputy, how sad is that if you're the deputy city electrical inspector? And here on, has a right to enter your

premises during reasonable hours. And the inspection determines your device is causing the static you will be asked to fix the device or turn it off. If you do not fix the static within seven days, you'll be subject to penalties provided in section one, zero, four, one, three, zero. What penalties are those? A fine not exceeding $500 or imprisonment for a period of not exceeding 30 days or both. Sorry, you're $500 lighter and sitting in the city jealous month hank.

Guess maybe I should have taken the static a little more seriously. You know, fucking hard is better for me to watch my malloc with the static hank. You know how hard it is for me to listen to my EM talk radio? With all the static cake? Metaloc and EM radio, I thought I have left my life. And you're talking for me. Now let's move away from static. Move on over to Wisconsin, our last state in the Midwest before we move into the final region of the West, the Badger State.

Full of more than 5.8 million cheeseheads. Wisconsin takes its cheese and its cheese curds very seriously. They've legally mandated that they be highly pleasing, quote, highly pleasing by law. In order for cheddar, granular and washed curd cheese labelled or sold to Wisconsin to be certified premium grade double A, they must conform to the follow-up. The flavor of Wisconsin certified premium grade double A cheddar,

granular and washed curd cheese shall be fine, highly pleasing and free from undesirable flavors and odors the cheese may be, the cheese may possess very slight feed favors, flavors. There's not 20 pages worth of various legal Wisconsin cheese requirements. I'm not exaggerating.

Tens and tens and tens and thousands, or tens of thousands, like, I don't know, 50, 60, 70,000 words, I don't know. I love the word and choice of highly pleasing. I picture some cheese making equivalent of a moonshine or getting busted for trying to pass off some cheese curds that are only mildly pleasing and some highly pleasing, great, great,

great, like cheese. Hey, Carl, what you doing? What do you mean Sean? I think you know what I mean Carl. I bought some double A Wisconsin cheese curds here yesterday. And where are the, you know, I know what Sean? They were edible Carl, I give you that. Maybe I'll be able to cover them with some brown gravy,

make a nice protein, it's pretty pleasing, but highly pleasing curl. If those curds are highly pleasing curl, then I guess I'm the queen of France. We're nice to meet you, your majesty. I catch a shit, Carl. You know, I both know this isn't double a curd. This is dairy fraud. And cue like a sad fist fight in the fucking dairy section of Carl shop. You told off to cheese jail. I don't know. That's another Midwest.

Our last region to visit is the West. Gonna work our way back to the craziness of Idaho and beyond. The West comprises 13 states. Montana, Idaho, Wyoming, Colorado, New Mexico, Arizona, Utah, Nevada, California, Oregon, Washington, and even Alaska, Hawaii. They're a little further out there. Still west. And each in each state has their own brand of crazy laws and Tom Foulorey.

Let's start with the land of the midnight sun, the last frontier known as Alaska. It's roughly 731,000 residents. This is one of the most mind boggling laws to me. It is legal to go into a bar and Alaska and grab some drinks, but once you are drunk, it is illegal to remain there. That makes about as much sense as throwing a dude out of a strip club for having a boner. 2011 Alaska Statute, title four alcoholic beverages,

chapter four, 16, regulation of sales and distribution, section four, 16, 30, prohibited conduct related to drunken persons. A, a licensee an agent or employee may not with criminal negligence, one, sell, give, or barter alcoholic beverages to a drunken person. Two, allow another person to sell, give, or barter an alcoholic beverage to a drunken person within licensed premises. Three, allow a drunken person to enter and remain within licensed premises or to consume an alcoholic beverage within licensed premises For permitted drunken person to sell or serve alcoholic beverages

Be a person receiving compensation for transporting alcoholic beverages may not knowingly deliver alcoholic beverages to a drunken person What the fuck is a drunken person supposed to go if not to a bar? And and I just love how there's no legal language regarding, you know, like being drunk. What's the blood alcohol I was supposed to be? I guess it's just like, like, I know I want to see it, you know, kind of situation. And check this out. In 2012, a bunch of, I'm not making this out, a bunch of undercover cops busted a bunch of drunks for being drunk in Alaska bars.

They're in the bars. I swear to God. In January of 2012, cops in Alaska started enforcing the statute by sending plain close officers into bars to identify and arrest suspects. I mean, I mean, I mean drunk people in bars. Anchorage Police Department of the tenant Dave Parker told ABC news.com in 2012 is fairly logical, but it does sound fairly comical to outset. Our last guy has a huge, huge alcohol problem. Most people in jail, whatever they did,

their decision making process was affected by alcohol. All due respect, Lieutenant Parker, that's fucking nonsense. I mean, it might be true, but legally it's nonsense. It's a stupid fucking law. That's some serious bullshit. It's not, we're not in prohibition times anymore. I don't doubt there's a lot of people in jail for making stupid, drunken decisions, right?

But this is not the way to solve that issue. Rehab counseling, education. Okay, but just arresting people for being drunk in a bar. Oh boy, seems like that law is not really enforced anymore. I hope it's not Arizona's our next stop. Notice the Grand Canyon State has almost 7.3 million people. If you want to feed some pigs, you plan to sell some garbage. In Arizona, you can do that.

Who's, you know, who's going to stop you? It's your hog, it's your trash. But you better get a permit first. If you want to do it legally, unless your pig is your pet, then, you know, you can just let your, you know, pig just live on a diet of frozen dinner package. You didn't kind of wrappers, I guess Arizona State State Statute, 3, 2, 6, 6, 4, permanent to feed garbage to swine. No person shall feed garbage to swine without first obtaining a permit from the associate

director. All permits shall be renewed during January of each year. This article should not apply to any person who feeds only his own household garbage, to swine, which are raised for his own use. This is so weird. You can so hog me to others, meet from pigs, raised hunt trash, but only if you have a permit. Does the permit tell you what kind of trash you can and cannot feed your hog? I hope so. And if you don't, you know, uh, you have to get a permit.

I, I, I, or if you like, if it's your pet, if the pig is your pet, I guess it's legal just to, what, just feed your pig, just whatever the fuck you feel like giving it. It's old AA batteries, burn out, toothpicks use tampons toys the kids broke Poor pig Right I picture just shitting out like many yard sales every time I have to go to the bathroom just little parts of things Also reminds me of the robber picked in suck My way! Get the biggest straws! Hey, get the front part! Uh, napkins are the need to get the biggest of front button napkins to eat eh? Come on, baby, we're here!

Females on the mamma's yeast? See if we don't get them drunk eh? Females less more dino meat from off the couch. Oh, Papa don't pick it out of my head! Voice is kind of strong enough to come to be back. Er, sing kind of strong enough to bring mom and pick them back. It's pretty high fuck my voice in the first place. I'm sure no one is grateful to have heard that. I still like doing

our some from time to time for some reason. Now on a golden state, California, the most populous of all the states, around 40 million people. This is one of my favorite ones. This is so weird. This just paints a picture of my mind. Kern County, California, around Bakersfield. Apparently had some titty pillow problems, not kitty. And they attempted to legislatively solve them. Title IX, public peace, morals, and welfare. Chapter 912, offenses against public decency. Section 10, let's get some music going.

Subsection A, finding a fact leading to enactment. Revidence of the county, petition the board of supervisors of the county Subsection A. Finding a fact leading to enactment. Rezidence of the county petition, the Board of Supervisors of the County Prevent Person to Display, Sell, or offer to sell, a pollstered or stuffed articles depicting, simulating or caricaturing female breasts. From vending such articles at sites adjacent to and near county highways. Those petitioners have represented and this board of supervisors finds that county highways regularly are traversed by adults and children who have no recourse except to use those

highways going to and from school to play in recreation to stores offices churches and otherwise following their daily activities and that vending such articles adjacent to a near county highways is indecent, offensive to the census, an unwarranted intrusion upon the rights of adults and children freely to use the county highways and illegitimate comets and goons and to be free in such a travel-saving vulgar sexist and exploitive displays, and exhibitions by the vendors thereof. The petitioners have represented in the Board of Supervisors finds that unlike Indicent

and vulgar displays in movies, newspapers, television, and other places, the offensiveness of which can be prevented or controlled by turning off the set canton in the subscription, declining to purchase or non-attentance. The hawking of those articles named by its vendor and sold as quote, booby pillows. Along the public highways is a species of indecency and vulgarity which cannot be ignored or controlled by passerby which assails the eyes and minds of all who are required to use county highways and which should be barred in controlled for the peace safety and welfare of the unincorporated areas of the

county. Subsection B. Display and sale banned within 1000 feet of highways. No vendor shall send stuffed articles depicting the female breasts. County, Subsection B, Display and Sail Band Within 1000 Feet of Highways, No Vendor, Showsend, Stuffed Articles Depicting the Female Breasts, Sold as Booby Pillows Within 1000 Feet of any County Highway, Subsection C, Regulation of Display More than 1000 Feet from Highways, No Vendor, Show, Vendor, Stuffed Articles Depicting the Female Breasts, Sold as Booby Pillows, Anywhere in the unincorporated area of the county unless they is prominently displayed at the point of vending a written consent to vending given to the vendor by the owner of the property on which the vending occurs.

Identifying the vendor and the owner of such property and describing such property in detail, dated more than five days earlier than any date on which vending occurs. Describing in detail, the article is to be vending and explicitly stating the permission of the owner to allow the vendor to engage in Vending with articles on the property. No articles, equipment or stock and trade shall be visible to miners of normal, visual, acuity from any part of any sidewalk, shoulder, or travel, porcelain, highway, adjacent to any boundary of the property used to such vending and still not done. Each article involved in such vending is plainly indelibly labeled as required by the provisions of Article 5 of Chapter 3 of Division 8 of the Business and Professions Code.

It's going on so long I have to hit another button this is absurd. In the absence of the proof of the contrary, it shall be presumed that a vending site, more than 1000 feet from a county highway, at which there are booby pillows or other stock and trade of the type described in paragraph of the subsection is not visible to minors of normal acuity viewing it, from any part of the inside walk, shoulder or travel portion of such ingestion county highway, still not done, motherfucker! Violation, a misdemeanor. Violation of subsections B or C of this section is a misdemeanor punishable by a fine of not more than $500, or imprisonment in the county jail for not more than 90 days.

Or by both such fine and imprisonment, each day of violation shall constitute a separate offense. It doesn't seem like anyone was ever punished under this statute. It's actually pretty unconstitutional, according to a couple of articles about it. A fair amount of press came out about this one. There have been similar statutes passed around the country, people of suit, shut them down. Clearly I think some, some carny types are selling some stuff, titty pillows, long the roads, where some county commissioners were, you know, you'd travel in a long to take their

kids to preschool or something, and somebody finally snapped. Maybe somebody heard their little, you know, preschooler. You know you traveling along to take their kids to preschool or something and somebody finally snapped Maybe somebody heard their little you know preschool. Daiyue. Why have mommy's test best on a row pillow? What what was that honey? Oh my god close your eyes child damn your car niece The indecency how dare you flaunt those del or child, a child can see them. Oh my God. Now, maybe that weird misogynistic prude just drove down the road, you know, with the shameful boner made in anger. I'll put a stop to this.

I'll drive out those dirty, prelo vendors. Why are so many people afraid of breasts? What about the children? What about them? Now like to decide the tits Most people do. Men and women of various sexual persuasions. They're not just sexual either. They can feed babies. They can just be Maybe more people should, you know, see them more often. They're not a fucking control themselves around. Not regressed at animalistic fuckboys. Every time a little nipple slips out. I

Loved it. They're great. They're great. Hill is the fena, long live booby-fillows, whatever the hell those things are. Now we're going to move on to the Rocky Mountains, Colorado, Centennial State. 2019 they had just over 5.7 million people. Imagine they have a similar mountain out in Boulder, Colorado. It's illegal to use fighting words unless they're directed at an officer of the law, then it actually is illegal. Until they ask you to stop, then it's illegal again. Pretty weird. Check out Boulder Charter and Revised Code Title 5, General Offences Chapter 3 Offences Against the Person Section 6, Use of Fighting Words.

No person shall with intent to harass, annoy, or alarm, another repeatedly insult, taunt, or challenge another in a manner likely to provoke a disorderly response. If the person to whom such insult, taunt or challenge is directed is a police officer, there is no violation of this section. Until the police officer requests the person to cease and discontinue the conduct, with the person repeats or continues the conduct. So weird. Guys, take the handcuffs off.

Yes, he screamed, go fuck yourself, mother fucker, he might shit, you suck harder than your mom does with my dick in your mouth. Those are certainly fighting words. I'm not gonna argue with you there. However, when he was yelling at, you know, the officer had not asked him to not yell stuff like that. It was a playing clothes officer,

so he didn't know, so you know, no crime, no no crime. Also an aspirin is technically illegal to have a snowball fight. It is illegal to launch things at a personal property through not only catapults, but also slingshots, blow guns, and good old fashioned snowball fights. The catapult part of this law is my favorite, they included that. Like, who took their snowball fight that far? And just ruined things for everyone else. I just, I just picture some locals with a big trebuchet. Like just launching giant snowballs, downtown just hitting tourists, blasting tourists, like knocking them to the ground.

Load the snowball, aim the snowball, fire the snowball. And it just takes out some rich tourists now, looking forward to skiing the next day. Just fucking blast them. Let's's now go way west all the way to Hawaii, the Aloha State. Center one and a half million residents. Hawaii has arguably America's most beautiful beaches. Hawaii's awesome. I hope to go back many times. I'd love to go back and walk down the beach with a nice tropical drink. My hand that adult beverage, but that's illegal. It's illegal to have an open container of alcohol on the beaches of Hawaii. If caught expect a decent chance of being fined

$200 to $300 according to some tourist sites According to some travel blogs and forces regularly So I suggest bringing extra 300 bucks, you know, if you if you have it for your next Hawaiian vacation because that feels like a law worth breaking Various websites claim the Hawaii has much crazed your laws like it's illegal to put coins in your ears But these have either been repealed long ago or just never existed in the first place. Now we've made it back to the home of the suck dungeon, the GM state, Idaho, roughly 1.8 million residents. We already discussed a bunch of the laws against Sodomine, Blow Jobs, and adultery, et cetera,

and Idaho towards the front of the suck. Idaho is also the only state that we know of that has an active specific ban on cannibalism. I had a host of state statutes titled 18 Crime and Punishment, chapter 50 mayhem. It's a fun chapter. Section 18, 5,000, 3. Cannibalism defined. Punishment. Any person who willfully ingest the flesh or blood of a human being is guilty of cannibalism.

And shall be an affirmative defense to a violation of the provisions of this section, that the action was taken under extreme life-threatening conditions as the only apparent means of survival. Cannibalism is punishable by imprisonment in the state prison, not exceeding 14 years. So cannibalism actually is legal, If you can prove you need to eat somebody to survive. Also, who came up with the very odd number of 14 years as the maximum punishment for cannibalism? There was a discussion that led to that. One person was like, no more than 20 years than someone else in 20 years. That's way too much. I mean, yeah, they ate somebody, but 20 years? Okay, all right.

10 then. 10? Are you crazy? If we only give cannibals 10 years, everyone's gonna be in everybody. Well, they're 15 then. I don't know. Seems like we bit too harsh still.

I don't fucking okay, 14 then. Nailed it. That's exactly what I was thinking. 14, that's perfect. Also, note to Idaho legislators, you misspelled willfully in that law. Montana is up next. The big sky state,

one of the last stops on our immense journey around the country, Montana, also known as the Treasure State Home to roughly 1.1 million very spread out people. Some Frisbee golfers clearly riled up some local business owners in Helena while back in the mid 90s. The city had to pass an ordinance 2797.

On June 23rd, 1997, it says, no person shall play or engage in the game of false, or throw, somebody call it false. Maybe they do. Or throw a golf disc at nighttime in any area within the business improvement district that is not sanctionsanctioned by designated false course by the city Penalty

Any person violating the provisions of this chapter is guilty of a misdemeanor and may upon conviction be punished by fine Not to exceed five hundred dollars or in prison and jail for term not to exceed six months or both Six months seems really really really hard. Excuse me. I Love that he designated this law only for night time. Someone put a Frisbee golf disc through one too many windows in downtown Helena, and then some business owner raised hell at the City Council meeting. I know this law isn't really that crazy, I just thought it was funny. So it's so specific.

Five more states, and then we've touched on all 50. The Silver State is nicknamed of Nevada in our next stop Home in Las Vegas a handful of counties with legal prostitution and three million people We're roughly called the slurgy desert state home and if you were hoping to use an X-ray machine to determine someone's shoe size Well, you better have some fine money handy than Nevada state law NRS 202 245 shoe fitting device or machine using x-ray or radiation states. A person shall not operate or maintain any shoe fitting device or shoe fitting machine,

which loses fluoroscopic x-ray or radiation principles. Where does this come from? Any person violating the provision of this section is guilty of a misdemeanor. Who took finding out when someone's shoe size is all the way to the fucking X-ray? When I probably shouldn't criticize anything involving shoe size since I wore the wrong size shoe for over 15 years of my adult life. Not kidding, I wear 12, but for over 15 years

I wear my toes in two and 11, and just assume like an idiot, that shoes were supposed to be super tight around the toes. But in X-ray, you can't just have a shoe salesman size that was one of their little metal shoe size or thingies that I finally used. Or you use one of these fancy new shoe size machines, like if they have down the street of fleet feet,

doesn't emit a radiation. It's a lot of it's crazy to me, it's just crazy that it had to be passed because somebody was using X-rays to determine shoe size. Next stop, New Mexico, the land of enchantment. Nearly 2.1 million people. New Mexico is the wrong state to trip a horse in. Right, you want a trip a horse or a donkey, a horse, a pony, a mule, or a hippie? The offspring of a male horse and a female donkey? Well, you better get the fuck out of New, you might be charged with felony. 2006 New Mexico Statute Section 30, 1811,

Unlawful Trippin of an Equine. Exception. Unlawful Trippin of an Equine consists of intentionally using a wire pole stick, rope, or any other object to cause an Equine to lose its balance or fall for the purpose of sport or entertainment. The provisions of subsection A of the section do not apply to laying an equine down for

medical or identification purposes. As used in this section, equine means a horse, pony, mule, donkey, or a hini. Whoever commits unlawful, tripping of an equine is guilty of a misdemeanor. Whoever commits unlawful, tripping of an equine that causes the maming, crippling, or death of the equine is guilty of a misdemeanor. Whoever commits a lawful tripping of an equine that causes the maiming, crippling, or death of the equine is guilty of a fourth degree felony. Defending convicted of a fourth degree felony in New Mexico, you can face up to 18 months in prison and find up to $5,000. Oh, is this past? I picture some assholes running around leg-sweeping horses and fucking, you know, city parade, county parade or something. Just getting away with it, because they didn't have the right law past. I arrest that man, Sheriff, he's tripping those horses. I cannot, Mr. Mayor, it is legal.

But what about the HINNIES, Sheriff? What about the sweet, sweet HINNIES, he's tripping? Well, he can trip, HINNIES all day long, Mr. Mayor. It's every New Mexican rat, rats. To trip to any HINNEE, he or she, shall feel like tripping. I don't know what I'm talking about it now on the organ the beaver state home just over four point two million organians and many of them apparently have taken things too far in public restrooms

in portland over the years this makes sense to me have been to port many times uh... the city had to pass uh... a new law because it's nonsense portland city statute fourteen a fifty, 110 misuse of a public restroom. This section applies to permanent and temporary structures erected or placed for use as public restrooms. It's unlawful to stand, climb, sit upon, or lay down on any fixture or floor, located

inside over at the entrance of any restroom located in a public building or a public property, unless that fixture or floor is intended to be used for standing, climbing, sitting or lying upon. It is unlawful for two or more persons occupied in a restroom that is specifically designed for use by only one person and that is located in a public building or in a public property, unless one of those persons is assisted in handicapped persons or persons a child or children or 12 years of age or an elderly person or person in need of assistance. It is a lawful for any person to engage in disorderly or disruptive conduct

inside or over at the end of it to any any restroom located in public building or in public property. It isn't lawful for any person to fucking our bathroom, to fucking our bathrooms, you bastards. It's better than ever, if a homeless population large enough to make a one-beautiful city feel like a third world country. I know we're not gonna stop you from shooting up your heroin downtown.

I know we can't stop you from shittling on sidewalks or from sleeping in the entryways to businesses or from scaring away customers. I already struggling in business with insane rants feel by hard-drogabies and untreated mental illness. I don't think we can stop some even openly jerking out of the middle of goddamn straight, but can you place that fucking in our bathrooms? That last part I was not in the law.

I added the last yelling part, but I feel like, tonally, it fit, and I feel like it was the spirit, it captured the spirit of legislation. I've been in a number of public classrooms over the years doing lots of shows in Portland, I gotta say, I do get this law. There's some insanely filthy bathrooms here. Not a crazy law, just again, kind of a crazy response. Or everyone's not in that response, just kind of crazy that it needed to be passed.

Utah's our next pit stop. Known as the Beehive State. Utah has some 3.2 million people. We talked earlier about their hard stance against cousin fucking I don't then I'll take the cousin fuckery in Utah Utah also is worried about catastrophes It's it's illegal to cause a catastrophe Stay law defines a catastrophe is widespread injury or damage caused by weapons of mass destruction explosion fire flood avalanche or building collapse

Now that's probably, probably, probably, probably, fair. During said catastrophe, there was another law. You can't sell alcohol, or the chaos ensues. Fair. So, like that, is, you know, I was kind of like throwing gas in on a fire, I guess. Also illegal to specifically hurly missile at a bus. It seemed very worried about some kind of dystopian situation breaking out, a lot of anarchy. State law, seven, six, 10, 15, oh, five, discharging firearms and hurling missiles

into buses and terminals. Any person who discharges the firearm or hurls a missile, add or into any bus or terminals, shall be guilty of a third degree felony. The prohibition of this section does not apply to elected or appointed peace officers or commercial security personnel who dis who discharge firearms or Hurl missiles in the course and scope of their employment sometimes, you know, just another day of the job. You got to hurl some missiles You can you can hurl a missile that a bus if you're an officer of the law, of course you can Such a weird phrasing hurling a missile Uh, is that literally ever happened? I mean, it has.

It's just not like I was first thinking. Any object that's been forcibly propelled it a target, either by hand or from a mechanic web, is technically a missile. I just feel like they should have used the word projectile. Replace it with projectile. Missile makes it sound like, like again, like some kind of dystopian situation,

where you know, terrorists are just blowing the fuck out of buses, but the missile has gone mad max. Now into the evergreen state of Washington, and it's 7.6 million residents wearing at least one county, maybe two, it is literally illegal to kill Bigfoot. Mm-hmm, it's community county Washington. Consideres itself a Bigfoot refuge.

In a 1994 ordinance states that killing this endangered ape-like creature can get you a year in jail, thousand other finer both. And in 1991, at least according to a few sources, Watcom County may also have made killing the Sasquatch illegal. Pretty crazy to pass the law about killing a mythical creature. I mean, past as a joke, I'm sure, but still pretty crazy. Hey, David, Patrick, children here.

Resident sucks for acripted expert. I just want to point out how important it is that we do legally protect the NAS Quanties. There have been more Pacific Northwest cryptid sightings recently. Only a matter of time before we document their existence for scampers like yourself. And if we were to kill the first NAS Quants, we were able to showcase to the world, I think it's $1, dollars is much too light. Uh, I think life in prison or, or perhaps the, the death, uh, David, I keep telling you that I didn't hire you.

And I want you to stop interrupting the show. Now go on, go on, get out of here. Okay. Yeah. No problem. I'm just, uh, here's what I was talking, you know, when you're done on this panel side. Sorry about that. Yeah, I just can't seem to get, uh, David,

how'd your children stay away from the sucktun? One last stop in the West, and on our trip Wyoming, the 10th largest state by area, also the least populous. Just under 600,000 people. And you had to be real careful about how you cut a sheep's ear in Wyoming, unless you wanna spend up to five years in prison. 2019 Wyoming statutes, title 11, agriculture, livestock, other animals. Capric 30 of fences concerning livestock and other animals, section 1131, 13,

unlawful cutting of ears of sheep. Hey, it is unlawful for any person, willfully to cut, severed, attach, or mutilate more than one half of either ear of any sheep or to unlawfully have it, in his possession or under his control any sheep would have more than one half of either ear removed or mutilated, unless the same or so described in a bill of sale or other certificate of title covered in the sheet. Sheep afflicted by big head are exempt

from the provisions of the section B. Any person who violates the provisions of subsection A of the section guilty of a felony punishable by imprisonment not more than five years. I'm guessing this law was passed regarding like tagging sheep's ears for livestock identification. They just want to prevent some asshole from being real sloppy and just need to see mangling their sheep's ear. This is very darkly funny to me. You can fuck up up to half of a sheep's ear. You can cut off half of it.

But you take two thirds? Oh, you're spending five years in prison, right? For first defense or you can, 45% of the year, no punishment. What's the way ever? Totally fine. 55% of the year, five years in prison. That seems extreme. That's quite a jump.

That's like, you drive 55 miles an hour and a 55 mile per hour zone. Okay, fine. That's illegal, obviously. You're within the legal speed limit. You hit 56, okay, all right, five years in prison. And what is that? I should have looked up big head.

I flipped it by a big head. I didn't bother, that didn't catch me when I was going through the first couple of times. But now it stands out. Like you can't have to got something called big head. Well, sure. You got one of them damn big head sheep. You can cut 95% of their ear off.

You still have more ear than a normal sheep because those sheep have heads the size of boulders. All right. That's it. That's the that's our legal tour of the US. That was fun. Good pick space, Lizard. Thanks for voting that one in on the time. So gap wall back. What did you all learn from the totality of all that? For me, it was another reminder, just because someone's in charge, or because you know the group of people in charge, doesn't mean they actually know what they're doing,

or that they don't make mistakes. To be fair, though, the legislators the overwhelming majority of laws on the books are actually pretty reasonable. Do I hate a lot of them? Yeah. If you know, I've made some of my legal chances on certain issues here on time, so you're paying for the clear.

But even when I vehemently agree, I can usually at least see the logic that leads to most laws, not a lot of these today. Also, today was a reminder for me that we as a species are often out of our fucking minds. A lot of the laws we covered today would have never ended up on the books. If it wasn't for so many idiots,

roaming around doing super dumb shit. Don't eat in a birding building. Don't barter a baby. Don't trip a hilly time now for today's top five takeaways. Time suck, top five takeaways. Number one, don't toss any dwarves in any Florida bars. It's illegal and maybe don't do it any place else either because it sounds like a dick move.

Number two, even though it's illegal to use a ferret to hunt in West Virginia. I say go for it anyway Don't let uncle Sam or any of his West Virginia cousins tell you what kind of beast master you're allowed to be Number three Idaho Maybe the dumbest laws over 40 Idahoans still forced to register as saxophenders for Consentially suck and dick or get their dick suck consentensually over some, you know, enjoyable butt play crimes against nature. The crimes against nature still being on the books. The fact that it is is a crime against common sense. I think an attack on and an attack on personal liberties.

Number four, don't go waving around more than half a dozen dildos in Texas, right? If you don't want to get, you know, possibly some kind of fine. If the dildo don't fit, you must not acquit. Number five, something new. All right, the US has some weird laws, but so does the rest of the world. Thailand is a constitutional monarchy, and you best not disrespect the world family with Thailand. It's illegal to talk shit about them in public.

And since royals pictures are on their currency, it's actually illegal to step on money in Thailand. It's illegal to feed pigeons and Venice, Italy, and get fined $700. And finally, since 2014, it has been illegal in a small town in Poland, Tuzin, for children to wear Winnie the Poo clothing in school. Because the bear is of quote, dubious sexuality is inappropriately dressed and is half naked. Good job Polish officials. Way to keep the children safe from the devious sexual influence of Winnie the Pooh.

No Polish joke needed on that one. They did it to themselves. Time, suck, tough, five, take away. U.S. crazy laws has been sucked. Hope you enjoyed that strange ride. Thank you to the Bad Magic Productions team for the help and making time suck every week. Queen of Bad Magic, Lindsey Cummins,

Reverend Dr. Joe Paisley, the Script Keeper Zach Flannery, Sophie Fax, Source for S Evans, Biddelix, or Logan, the Art Warlock Keith, running Bad Magic Merch.com, working on our socials along with Liz Hernandez, who admins our private Facebook groups, along with all CNIs.

Thanks to all those who joined the new Cole to the Curious Private Facebook group. Alright, the Zuckerberg police can shut down one of our sites, but they haven't stopped us. And again, remember you can listen to the beginning of the episode about, you know, all of the subgroups that are out there and more will be forming and we're helping you form them now. Also thanks to beef steak and his mod squad over on TimeSuck discord channel. Congrats to round 10 trivia winner, DeadheadZ, aka JakeZog. A 6201 points took home the cowboy pigeon trophy, a science certificate, and got a $50 gift

certificate. Thanks to everyone who plays the weekly trivia game on the TimeSuck app. Next week, we return to true crime. To talk about early 20th century German serial killer Carl Denke, a man who killed just before the time of Albert Fish. Shoomage, peanut butter. Carl was often called to forgotten cannibal. He seemed to have killed over 30 people,

possibly eating some, possibly fed them to others. He ran a little shop that sold meats. Then many think the meat was humans and more echoes of Bobby Willett there. He kept ledger regarding his victims. It had 31 entries, including one man who luckily escaped. He may have killed more than 30 due to the amount of human remains found in his home after he killed himself, showed after being arrested.

He suspected of having killed 42 or more. We'll explore him and Germany around the 20th, around the turn of the 20th century. He's born in 1816, died in 1924. Next week on Time Suck and now let's head on over to this week's Time Sucker Updates. Updates, get your time sucker updates. Our first update comes from Suck 242. James and Whiskey and cannibalism, awesome sack, holdin', oh boy, a minute software.

Share some really cool Whiskey information with us all, writing, I love this. How boy. Minich suffer. Share some really cool whiskey information with us all, writing, I love this. Howdy, Suck Master Supreme. I listened to the James and whiskey suck. I could not stop laughing when you were talking about monks making whiskey to deal with the joy sucked from their life. I actually have a very interesting connection to this part of the suck

because of where I go to school. I'm a student at St. John's University at Catholic College in central Minnesota. The Benedictine history within the whiskey business rings true here, as back during the prohibition days, a monk from the college named Brother Justice taught the locals how to properly brew their moonshine, so it wasn't like drinking paint thinner.

He went so far as to build the copper stills that the local farmers would use to brew their whiskey. This helped many area farmers lift themselves on a poverty as their brewing called Minnesota 13 became some of the most sought after in Minnesota during prohibition Brother Justice said that just because moon Chinese moon Chinese was illegal by no means was it a moral? Love it. It makes me laugh knowing that it was a monk from my school leading the moonshine operation during this era as monks are notorious for following doctorate in rules Now there is a Minnesota made whiskey named in honor of brother justice with their distillery right in the twin cities

and made using only Minnesota Barley and grains and aged northern white oak barrels. Having personally had this whiskey myself, it is one of the smoothest I've ever had. And it is made even better knowing the story behind it. Thanks for taking the time to read my rambling just an interesting connection I had this week suck. Keep on sucking three to five stars.

Best wishes in Hailu's of Fina. Holden. Holden, I love that you share that info with us. I will definitely try to remember to drink some brother justice whiskey. When I'm in Minnesota next and sounds like other time suckers, other meat sex, maybe give it a shot too. I love the story behind it. And it sounds delicious. Quick update now from the Cerny and sack Kevin got Cern or gourdson. There we go. Who calls me out about my accents in the Jameson suck writing.

As someone who grew up a bit in Scotland, your accent is that bad. Dan, it sounds more like a Russian edgine than a Scotsman. Kisses, love you. That's fair. Okay, that's fair, Kevin. It's fair. Thank God you and the rest of the times like like audience, do not come here for my accurate impression skills.

I always thought it's better on my head than they are in real life. It's kind of like, I don't know if you don't feel a lot of you do this, but a lot of times I'll convince myself I have a great singing voice because I'm singing along with, you know, like songs being played in the truck or whatever. And then sometimes I'll sing the same songs just by myself where there's no music around. I'm like, ah, shit. That wasn't nearly as good as I was hoping. Super sucker CJ now sharing some war on drugs thoughts.

He writes, Dan, I wanted to write in about how about an often forgotten reason why the war on drugs is bad for our society. The American criminal justice system's focus on drugs allows violent offenders to take a plea deal and inform on drug dealers. You know, because a guy peddling pot is more dangerous than someone who's literally stabbing people. When I was 17, I got jumped by a couple of guys who wanted money. When I gave them the $3 of my

pocket, the guy holding knife in front of my face wasn't satisfied, tried to stab me in the fucking eye, left nice little scar next to my left eye to remember him by 10 very violent minutes later. I'm being arrested for two counts of assault and battery brought to the county jail took a deal for probation registering my hands and feet and angry man and anger management classes after spending nearly two months in jail waiting for my day in court. The second mugger received a similar sentence to mine, but the asshole who stabbed me was a police informant and literally spent a weekend in a holding cell for trying to kill someone for being broke. I lost a college scholarship, the right to go to said college in my life's plan

because I defended myself against a narc and had no one to rat on. I wanted to be a teacher, and I wish this was a rare story, but where I live, police informants do whatever the fuck they want with little to no repercussions. Just wanted to add to the discussion, CJ.

Damn, CJ. That is an intense story. I hadn't thought of the police informant angle, but that is super fucked up. Makes me think about how certain cartel leaders responsible for multiple murders don't get in trouble because they're also informants, helping take down other cartel leaders for largely drug violations. That is pretty insane. I appreciate you adding a discussion and I hope you get back on track for the life

that you want. Hail Numer, man. Bad magician Taylor Baldwin now shares more whiskey info with us. Man, I love whiskey. Taylor Wright, take stock master. First, I'd like to say I'm a big fan of your comedy, all your podcasts.

I'm a quality control chemist at Jim Beam. And you were saying on the last podcast that you didn't know why Tennessee whiskey isn't just called bourbon. One of the legal stipulations for a beverage to be called, a bourbon is that they have no added flavor. And at least for Jack Daniels, it is filtered through a maple, sugar, charcoal mixture to give it a smoother finish, but also add some sweet notes to the liquid. That's why it's not considered bourbon. All right. Thank you. That makes sense.

If you see any of the flavored bourbons like Jim Beam Fire or Apple on the bottle, it's actually labeled as liquor infused with bourbon, not as a bourbon. Also, the Japanese brand Suntori owns Jim Beam and a lot of other alcohol brands, including Old Crow, which is bottled where I work. And your rant about old crow made me feel like I need to defend it because I work here, but I can't. You were spot on accurate. That shit is nasty. LOL. Anyway, just wanted to give you that fun fact keep up the good work keep on sucking fellow dummy spacers and creeper Taylor and Taylor I'll leave your last name out of it. I know you included it But just I don't want to get fired for now Saying that old crow isn't fact shitty. I

Appreciate you added some whiskey knowledge for us all and that you did confirm my assessment of old crow speaking Speaking of like whiskey classifications, I think old Crow should be reclassified as ditch whiskey. One more old Crow related message coming in from an anonymous co-ed sucker who writes greeting suck master. I'm currently listening to James and whiskey suck. I'm a student at the University of Idaho, Govandals. Awesome. And last year in February 2020 right before COVID, we were underage and stupid. Most of us, 18 and. All right under ages to as you should be my roommate. And I went to a dorm party and one of the girls was passing around old crow and saying how it's the best whiskey out there. And all three of us were taking swigs of it. Long story short we ended up at a frat party and walking home in the snow ended up landing face first in a snow drift twice. And puking my guts out in the parking lot of our dorm.

When you brought up Old Crow, I immediately started to dry heave. Thank you for the reminder to never drink that. Thank you. Thank you for the show and thank you for the amazing work. Also, if you could not mention my name, that would be great. I'm still underage and going to U of I. And we'll thank you underage anonymous Cohen. You did list your real name in the email

and I have forwarded to the campus police at University of Idaho. So they should, they probably already arrested you. No, I don't think they would care if you don't buy sanded. I love that tail. Take me back to college, falling down in two snowdrifts, puking your guts out in a parking lot.

That sounds like a solid old crow night. Something you got off easy, if anything. I suggest next time try Tullamore do. It doesn't cost much more. Actually, it's an old code, not really. And it's a great Irish whiskey, very smooth. Doesn't have that gasoline after taste. Last message is another whiskey related one. Some more interesting, uh, just whiskey trivia. I got a lot of whiskey messages this past week. It's awesome. LDS Sweet Sack and whiskey trivia bringer, Tom Cook shares the following. Howdy Chief Sucker and the smooth spokesman of our friend Woody. Doing Woody right now would probably destroy what's left to my voice now.

As usual, fantastic Sucker and Whiskey. Thank you. As I was listening and you brought up, and I know I messed this word up because I got messages on this too. Alawa. Alawa in Clackman Shower Council area area like a county in the u.s. my family was descended from there and it's not a big area grown up Mormon. Uh, I have done a lot of family history learning about the area and family

accomplishments. Now here's a fun fact. Well, I'm sure the LDS church will now publicize this. The people who placed the angel moroni on the Salt Lake Temple. The surname was hunter if you curious. We're from Clack Manon, and the same county is Aloha. Here is where the church may get a little testy with me for telling this, but my ancestors, while going to Salt Lake for provisions from Twila County, Whiskey was always brought back for the family, and while some fellow LDS pioneers got a little grumpy about that, my great, great, grandmother said, this is a treat for my sons doing the Lord's work. The water of life helped fuel the Salt Lake Temple and the Angel Moroni construction.

That is awesome. Thanks again for giving all of us. Curious people, new knowledge that we probably never would have researched on our own. Keep up the awesome work. Can't wait to see you when you come to Salt Lake City, Utah again. World's worst Mormon and fellow servant in Imrod Tom Cook. Thanks Tom. Nice to know some scotch. We're into the building of the temple, Salt Lake City and with the Angel Moroni construction. and fellow servited Nimrod Tom Cook. Thanks Tom.

Nice to know some scotch. We're into the building of the temple, Salt Lake City, and with the Angel of Marona construction. A treat for some men doing the Lord's work, but a lot of people justified, drinking a lot of whiskey that way. After a long day of work, and I like to treat myself with some whiskey.

I'm gonna have some whiskey after a quarter of this podcast. Trying to treat myself less during the week, keep it at the weekend, but it's always tempting. Nice, nice, classic, cold whiskey. I like it. Uh, a little cool. I don't, I don't love it neat.

That's quite the treat after a long, hard day. So cheers, meat sacks. Hope you all are working hard and occasionally rewarding yourself, something refreshing. Thanks for continuing to send in the message. Thanks, time suckers. I need a net. We all did. Did I just say thanks for continuing to send in the message?

That sounds like some weird culty shit. The message is the time to suck or update. Thanks for listening also to another bad magic production podcast. Please don't get caught with seven or more dildos in Texas this week, but if you do, you know, for the story How about you hand him to whoever's writing you the ticket and ask him to throw it away and start and then keep on sucking instead Hey, what's up? Oh, whoa! Whoa! What?

A blue vacuum on a recording day in the time-stuck studio? Yeah, is that... Oh my god, is that WD-40? Yeah, well, I mean, I was just... Oh my god, you just broke ordinance 476746. Five years in prison minimum. What? We're bringing a blue vacuum into the studio on a recording day

with a Canada WD-40. Otherwise, it would have been a fine. But both, I can't, I can't not report this. All right, I'll put it back. Put it back. Oh my God.