Timesuck with Dan Cummins - 278 - Sex, Silverware, and Immortality: The Oneida Community Cult

Episode Date: January 10, 2022

Did you know that if lots of people  have lots of unprotected sex and the men never ejaculate you can help Jesus create his kingdom on Earth?  No? Well then you would NOT have been accepted into the Oneida Community Cult and you would've never gotten to live in a 93,000  square foot compound in Oneida, NY with around three hundred other followers.  This is just one of the super crazy messages John Humphrey Noyes  taught the followers living in his community. He also taught them that he was perfect. Literally perfect. And then, when he finally had to flee the country or be arrested for having sex with underage girls, his followers went on to built the largest silverware company North America had ever seen. I love how weird this episode is - hope you do too! The Bad Magic Charity of the month is Love Thy Neighbor! We'll  be giving $15,500 to this Denver-area based 501(3c) nonprofit dedicated to working with local businesses to hand out free food to the homeless. They also give clothing, shoes, blankets, etc. Go to https://ltnsocks.com/Watch the Suck on YouTube:  https://youtu.be/PiEao0_SXlgMerch - https://badmagicmerch.com/  Discord! https://discord.gg/tqzH89vWant to join the Cult of the Curious private Facebook Group? Go directly to Facebook and search for "Cult of the Curious" in order to locate whatever happens to be our most current page :)For all merch related questions/problems: [e-mail] (copy and paste)Please rate and subscribe on iTunes and elsewhere and follow the suck on social media!! @timesuckpodcast on IG and http://www.facebook.com/timesuckpodcastWanna become a Space Lizard? We're over 10,000 strong! Click here: https://www.patreon.com/timesuckpodcastSign up through Patreon and for $5 a month you get to listen to the Secret Suck, which will drop Thursdays at Noon, PST. You'll also get 20% off of all regular Timesuck merch PLUS access to exclusive Space Lizard merch. You get to vote on two Monday topics each month via the app. And you get the download link for my new comedy album, Feel the Heat. Check the Patreon posts to find out how to download the new album and take advantage of other benefits

from a community born out of principles of utopian socialism, biblical communism, and so so much sex between any and all members ages 14 and older, and probably younger than 14 sometimes, one of the largest 20th century flower and find colorary companies in the world was born. Uh huh. That's where we're at this week. Community founder John Humphrey Noise was an odd duct, say the least. He seemed to truly believe that lots and lots of sex could literally lead to immortality. And he was so passionate about his belief that he convinced over 300 people to join him in a utopian socialist

community. A cult compound, as I see it, built on that very principle in upstate New York, roughly 30 miles east of Syracuse. As he sought, hyper promiscuous interlocked contact, aka lots of vaginal sex between men and women, in the form of a polyamory scheme he called complex marriage could generate enough spiritual energy to literally propel the human race into an electrically powered, divinely connected, eternal life. Confusing? Allow me to explain. Picture Dr. Frankenstein, harnessing electricity to make his monster come to life, and now replace Dr. Frankenstein with John Humphrey noise, and then substitute a lot of penises,

hundreds or thousands or maybe millions for the corpse of Frankenstein's monster, and then replace the lightning with a lot of a genus. And finally, instead of bringing one corpse back to life from one lightning strike, you can bring a whole community into immortality through so many lightning strikes. And by lightning strikes, I mean penis vagina intercourse. Still confused? Well, if it doesn't make any sense, don't blame me for being confusing, blame John Humphrey Noise.

Noise did pretty well for himself, overall, despite being a total maniac. He founded the Onida community, a group of perfectionists, or Bible communists, or creepy weirdos. In 1848, these people built a utopian religious community that developed out of the society of inquiry, another group established by John Humphrey Noise, and some of his disciples in Putney, Vermont, seven years earlier in 1841. In Onida, Noise made his followers participate in complex marriage, a fancy term for free love, in which all the men in the community were married

to all the women and vice versa. Men were encouraged to have sex with women, all the women, but they were not to ejaculate. That wasn't good for one's energy, and they needed all that energy, obviously, to become immortal. But sometimes it was also necessary to expand a little bit of energy to create more energy down the road by having special power kids who were super energy conductors because their parents were extra godly. You get it, don't you? John Humphrey noise got it. In some cases for breeding, it was obviously necessary to ejaculate. If you wanted to do that,

you had to get permission from noise to participate in this totally normal, selective breeding, religion-based eugenics program. And since no one wore condoms, because that would interfere with all the energy creation, when you weren't trying to make a baby, it was really important to get good at having lots of raw sex, but not ejaculating. And how do you learn how to do that? Practice silly. Noise instructed young men, just to know, got through puberty young men, to have lots of practice sex with older post-menopausal women, so there would be zero chance of pregnancy.

Meanwhile to ensure that the most fertile females weren't accidentally impregnated by sloppy, careless, energy, amateurs, Nois decided that he and his friends, bunch of not horny at all dudes in their 30s or older, they were the only guys in the community with enough self control to have sex with young attractive virgins Totally make sense. All good and godly can't read anything shady and self-serving and pervy into all that not at all Over 300 people live together and participate in all of this at the height of the community's madness And this community would last for over 30 years until 1879 when noise worried about getting thrown in prison for statutory rape charges, for some weird reason, fled the country. And then from Canada, he told his followers to abandon the practice of community marriage. Now that the law was after him, God changed his mind about everything.

Weird. And his followers did abandon their group love experiment. Then in 1880, the year after noise fled, his former followers transitioned from an energy sex reactor compound to a really nice silverware company, a really, really successful silverware company. I bet many of your grandparents covet their fine on night of flatware. That silverware is still famous today. This is such a weird story. And it's all true.

And all will be told today on another cult cult cult edition of Time Suck. This is Michael McDonald and you're listening to Time Suck. You're listening to Time Suck. Happy Monday, meat sacks. Get the fucking here. We have so much weird shit to talk about today. I'm Dan Cummins, a master sucker, walking nickname generator, cutlery expert, especially spoons.

You get it. And you are listening to Time Suck, Hail Nimrod, Hail Lucifina, Praise Bojangles, and Glory Beat, Triple M. A couple brief announcements and then show. New Time Suck merch in the Bad Magic Store this week. This one's for the meat sacks who enjoy a serial killer suck from time to time. You get another logo variant to add your growing Bad Magic

closet, new true crime inspired scratch logo T and sweatshirt available. Is it wet paint? Is it blood? Find out BadMagicMurch.com. Symphony of insanity tour, still kicking off in San Diego to La Jolla Comedy Store this January 20th 21st and 22nd. Some shows sold out already.

So grab those quick. If you do want to come, I hope you want to come. And then Hollywood at the comedy store on the 23rd. Many more dates up at Dancomas.tv. First bad magic production charity of 2022. Still love that neighbor. Still that 5013 C nonprofit primarily serving Denver in the surrounding area, working with generous local businesses, these living saints, hand out free food to the homeless

and give clothing, blankets, etc. I distribute them to the homeless, literally keep people alive by supplying both food and clothing to people homeless in a cold city. And because of our space lizards, able to give them $15,500 this month to find out more and or donate yourself, go to ltnsox.com. And now back to the world of cult, cult, cult. This is a particularly fun one. Today, we are digging into, as you know, the O'Nighta community, which kind of kicked

off in 1841 in Putney, Vermont. A soft grand opening there, if you will, when John Humphrey noise was still ironing out how to twist scripture and fulfilling his sexual desires before moving to just outside the fledgling village of O'Nighta, New York in 1848. Same year, the village was incorporated. And then they lasted until 1879 in that48. Same year, the village was incorporated. And they lasted until 1879 in that form. And then the community, you know, started to morph into a sales company that became a major flatware corporation. I love that twist so much. That is so unique. Oh, NIDA, of course, this flatware is hard and last

longer than any of our competitors flatware. Our spoons, knives, and forks were born from fucking. The United community, where does they were? We're not a typical or traditional cult, some historians and theologians, others, hesitate to define them as a cult at all. There wasn't any violence. Noise wasn't beaten members to intimidate them into not leaving. Members were not forbidden from keeping in contact with their pre-cult friends and families. Noise did not present himself as a God, or as a, mmm, profit, not exactly close, kind of. You did have to engage in basically hero worship,

O'John Humphrey noise, and you had to fuck him. You know, if he wanted to fuck you, if he didn't want to be ostracized and get dressed down in some kind of messed up mockery of group therapy, you also were supposed to fuck a lot of other cult members, which is not how cults usually tend to operate. You had to sign off on other weird sex stuff. You

had to agree to let the community raise your children. If you had any, and more, many would prefer to refer to this group as a strange community, a social experiment instead of as a, quote, quote. but cult still feels right to me. One dictionary definition of the word is a relatively small group of people having religious beliefs or practices regarded by others as strange or senator. That definition certainly fits.

They were a relatively small group of people and they for sure had religious beliefs regarded by many others as strange as fuck. Noise had a lot of strange ideas, especially about sex. His ideas would weird a lot of people out. sure had religious beliefs, regarded by many others as strange as fuck. Noise had a lot of strange ideas, especially about sex. His ideas would weird a lot of people out today, and they really weirded people out back in the mid 19th century. That time in America, most women were,

were thought of as delicate daughters, you know, mothers who had to be protected, kept aside and their own special domestic sphere, while the men went out earn money and participated in politics and their sphere. Noise would reject pretty much all that. America, especially the East Coast, when this went down, where this went down, excuse me, was still heavily influenced by British culture. You know, this is a Victorian era. A time defined, largely by acting prim and proper. Victorian era sexuality, defined by a great deal of austerity.

Having sexual desire was identified almost solely with men and with women of lower classes. It was a dirty thing, repugnant, right? Urges that the filthy poor and the uneducated gave into thanks to their lower breeding, not giving them the ability to steal themselves against their base animalistic urges. It was not proper. This has been a just world-er-ice, she on a to bit Many doctors the day actually believe that women literally had no sexual drive Zero I mean how how could they they were pure Virginal mothers or soon to be mothers mothers and waiting or retired mothers

Right there there for China's nothing more than sperm tunnels to protect important product on its way to those fallopian tubes their catorxes were Well No one studied those and they just just, you know, we're going to pretend they don't exist. Please don't bring it up again. They bother us. Getting horny, that was a man's business. A proper woman was a virgin until marriage, and then even in marriage.

She didn't really enjoy sex. Come on, gross. She would lay there passively as God intended, thinking about Jesus or or her husband thrusted and grunted away until he planted a seed, and then he could roll over and beg God to forgive him for any sinful thoughts he may have had while in the throes of devilish passion, the woman did not indulge in sex for enjoyment, the act was for child-bearing only, not for pleasure. Now, did everyone follow these rules of proper society? Nah, I mean, fuck no.

There was also tons of sex work going on in Victorian society, it was all just a silly game. You know, a lot of people played, a lot of people pretended to play, but publicly in polite society, sex really was just not talked about, especially sex outside of marriage. The thought of a bunch of people living in a big mansion, all fucking each other all the time, would have probably literally caused some people, you know, hearing about that, to faint from shock. Maybe even have an aneurysm going to cardiac arrest been so shocking Noise to find the sexual conventions of his day in a major way dude undoubtedly got a lot of glares Heard a lot of mumbling about what a perverse degenerate he was by locals who knew what he was up to and we're not one of his followers

When he would leave the compound noise didn't feel that monogamy was essential for a stable society He felt it went against God's will and filled it monogamy was essential for a stable society. He felt it went against God's will, went against God's plan for us. Now it was a massive rejection. Monogamy is still seen as one of the core tenets of American life in society. And homeboy was just like, nah, fuck that.

I'm honestly surprised, a lynch mob never just came and burned down his compound and hanged this guy, like truly surprised. In addition to some strange sexual practices, noise as followers also endured group criticism sessions, which were attended by the entire community at first, and then later as a community grew, were conducted before committees,

presided over by noise. Remind me of the Alon school suck. Remember that, we sucked Joe Ricci, and the assholes who worked for him screaming at kids already dealing with parents who didn't want them or mental issues and whatnot during the lawn general meetings Tell them how much they sucked Noise was an early pioneer of this now heavily rejected therapeutic practice. I did this criticism

Maybe have some therapeutic values and means of releasing feelings of guilt and aggression for followers Yeah, maybe was it also a cult-like followers? Yeah, maybe. Was it also a cult-like, shaming technique that enforced social control and a highly successful device for promoting cult-like community cohesion and group think? Oh, absolutely. Noise might have went on to become some Joseph Smith type, founder of the Church of Latter-day Saints in parallel universe, where he refused to flee the country and instead headed out west to find his own land to settle on, maybe, or maybe his ideas were just too extreme. People back in the early 19th century were shocked by early Mormon polygamous practices. They were more shocked by noises, you know, let's let fucking our

group fuck our way into having ideas. Interestingly, Smith and noise shared a lot in common. They were from the same era and area. Noise was starting to come up with his religious theories in the late 1830s right after Joseph Smith first wrote the book of Mormon. Both men born in Vermont just six years apart. Joseph in 1805, John in 1811. Both came up with their new religious views in New York just 90 miles and about a decade apart. Joseph got going in the 1830s and you know, Palmyra, John really got going in the 1840s in Onida.

Both were part of a wave of religious radicalism in Western upstate New York in the early and mid 19th century, both born, or you know, came up with their ideas, got their ideas going in an area termed the burned over district. We talked about this area a few times before. In addition to Mormonism and the United community,

the Fox sisters began conducting sances in this area and hides until New York in 1848. Those sances would lead to the American Spiritualism Movement. Hello, weegee boards. The Emaniac colonies of Iowa, another utopian social experiment began in New York as the Ebenezer colonies near Buffalo. Hello, refrigerators. Seriously, the man of corporation came out of these colonies. Now they're a five billion dollar appliance corporation, specializing in refrigerators and silverware. Who fucking knew that shit would come out of all this craziness. Also, the Millerites originated in low Hampton, New York. They morphed into the Adventists, which the seventh day Adventist

spring out of in a fair amount of cults like Waco's branched dividians led by David Kuresh, the Ant Hill kids led by Rockterio, they spring out of the seventh day Adventists. Interesting place and time in history, right? Part of the second great awakening. The second great awakening was a Protestant religious revival during the early 19th century in the U.S. and it really took hold in the area around the new Erie Canal. Charles Finney, 19th century American Presbyterian minister, leader in the second grade awakening, wrote in his autobiography of this area years after the religious revival

had passed. I found that region of country, what in the Western phrase would be called a burnt district. There had been a few years previously, a wild excitement passing through the region. It was reported as having been a very extravagant excitement and resulted in a reaction so extensive and profound as to leave the impression on many minds that religion was a mere delusion. What I just took from that passage was some of those motherfuckers took their share way too far

and they gave all religion a bad name. While many of the burnt out districts, new religions became very successful despite taking things too far in many people's minds. Mormonism, as long as one of the world's fastest growing religions now, most other groups flamed out, like the O'Night of Community. And that's probably a good thing. Not sure our society would be better off if a sizable percentage of us were practicing free love and having our kids raised by the community,

I think. I'm not approved. I think most of you know that by now. And actually, I have no moral qualms with polygamy. If it works for you, you know, good for you. I just don't feel like from what I've observed that it does work better than monogamy for most people. We're such emotional creatures. And while monogamy certainly has its shortcomings, they seem to be less. It seems to be emotionally less complicated than being part of a sex team. And life is already so complicated. Individuals who question the validity of monogamy

often cite this type of partnership as outdated, overly restrictive, even biologically unnatural, high divorce rates, reports of infidelity, sexual boredom, long-windsided, as reasons to oppose or abandon monogamy. Fair criticisms. Individuals who favor monogamy will cite bonding, emotional intimacy, decreased worries of STDs, STIs, not getting random people pregnant, as reasons to champion monogamy. I don't know. Not enough data out there to really compare the two and determine which lifestyle overall is the best. I imagine monogamy is better for some,

polygamy is better for others. I think, you know, monogamy is probably better for most. And then there's that thing of like, what about the children? I mean, personally, I am glad I was raised in a monogamous household, divorced and all, as opposed to the polyamorous shit show that was the onida community.

I think, I don't know, it's extra confusing, having a lot of different parents, no real parents. I'm digressy now. After that long introduction into our topic and providing some historical context for this topic, let me just lay out how the rest of the info in this suck is going to be presented today.

It's a pretty straightforward structure. We'll cover most of the Onida community, its formation, practices, and eventual disintegration, and then transformation into a flatwork company in the timeline. Before that, let's examine a few of the philosophical ideas behind it.

Some historians have called the United Community the most successful of the utopian socialist community experience, community, let's say experience, experiments, almost there to get in the United States. So what the hell is utopian socialism? Well, socialism probably makes you think of Marx, Engels, the Communist manifesto, but Marx and Engels were not utopian socialists. They thought that they were realists preparing for an inevitable class war while the utopian

socialist ethos will be best described by the phrase, why can't we all just, you know, get along? Why can't we all just get along and do what I want to do? Utopian socialism isn't even less realistic version of extreme socialism than later socialist and communist, you know, writers like Karl Marx would dismiss as being naive and unrealistic. The term applies to a school of socialist thought that was only ever really popular in the early 19th century. And not kidding here, getting cute, making fun of communism. Most later, 19th and 20th century socialists have laughed at this shit. One key difference

between utopian socialists and other socialists, such as anarchists, Marxists, is that utopian socialists generally do not believe any form of class struggle or social revolution is necessary for socialism to emerge. Utopian socialists believe that people of all classes can voluntarily adopt their plan for society if it's presented convincingly because it's, you know, so, so cool. Basically, Utopian socialists, like noise, believe that if they built a little slice of paradise based on whatever they thought paradise looked like, you know, such as everyone's fucking each other to generate a bunch of, this is how we get to heaven, immortality energy. More and more people would wanna say goodbye

to their current notions of morality and lifestyles and just join on in. And it would just keep spreading organically, right? Just like that until the whole world was rebuilt in their image of utopia. Everyone's fucking everyone, everyone immortal, everyone making silverware or something like that. The word utopia is coined by English author Thomas Moore, an English lawyer, judge and

social philosopher, author, and statesman. Moore was a Renaissance humanist, deemed a saint by the Catholic Church, and he wrote utopia in 1515, a book about a fictional island society in its religious, social, and political customs. He wrote of a world of immense individual freedom and a quality governed by reason at a time when such a vision was almost inconceivable. Here's a little sample passage. In Utopia, where every man has a right to everything, they all know that if care is taken

to keep the public store's full, no private man can want anything. For among them, there is no unequal distribution so that no man is poor, none in necessity, and though no man has anything yet they are all rich. So what can make a man so rich as to lead a serene and cheerful life free from anxieties? Incredibly Thomas Moore was in his mid-30s when he wrote that and not like 11 or 12 years old. It's a really sweet thought, but not practical at fucking all when you logically play it out.

Every man has a right to everything. No private man can want for anything. Get the fuck out of here. Yeah? What happens when say three different men each want the exact same woman and what if she doesn't want any of them or what happens with three different guys all want to live on the exact same property in this utopia right? The one where there's a pristine babbling brook roll down to the sea and there's a perfect little bench to build a home on and that

spot has easy the best views of the entire island what if the three guys don't like each other don't want to live together on this property right only max best case only one of them gets what they want in that scenario or even simpler what if all three of the guys want a piece of Mary's awesome lemon cake there's only one slice left and they don't want to share it, and she doesn't have enough fucking lemons. You don't have to make any more right now. I can go on and on, but you get it. There is no world where everyone just gets whatever they want.

And anybody who actually believes that, I just think like, are you fucking grown up? Like, what? What is happening? Do you just, have you just never had to worry about money? You just, you know, born with a fucking trust fund, and just like, great health or something? What do you talk about? The child's fantasy. And this form is more rooted.

It's fucking nonsense. A utopia like that is wonderful as it sounds. We'll never, ever exist in my opinion. I feel it very strongly. You know, I also believe that, you know, every rational historian, economist, and just basically a reasonable person, thinks this. It's just not compatible with human nature. Much of your life, fair or not, will forever be tied to a never ending battle for resources.

Land, food, water rights, on and on, and it always will be. So I think better and much more practical, I think, to make your peace with that, learn how to play the game. You became a part of it, birth. Like or not, as best you can instead of wasting time, thinking you can get the world to agree to stop playing monopoly and start playing, I don't know, look at Tea Party. For some shit, harsh I know, but every fiber of my being believes this to be true. But also I do truly love that idealists are writing all this stuff because, you know,

I think that we can approve society further than it is right now. And more realistic versions originally inspired by overly idealistic notions can and have foreshare made the world a better place, you know, time and time again. Thomas Moore, not the only big picture dreamer, toy with the ideas of utopia in the 16th century. With the Reformation in Germany and numerous independent republics enjoying new freedoms in northern Italy, modern egalitarian ideas were spreading in a number of utopian ideas

being published in the 1500ss Italian writer and satirist satirist satirist satirist there we go Antonio Donnie's humanist the world was published in 1552 Venetian philosopher Francesco Patrizis the happy city was published in 1553 and Italian theologian philosopher Tomas O'Campanella it is so fun I haven't done that a while so fun to say Italian names a little bit flair Tomas O'C Campanella. It is so fun, I haven't done that a while. So fun to say Italian names with a little bit of flair. Tomasso a Campanella. His city, the sun, was published at the dawn of the 17th century in 1602. And more authors continued to imagine where an ideal society would look like in the 17th

century. English statement, and philosopher Francis Bacon wrote about utopia. In his novel, New Atlantis in 1627, tells of a lost civilization that lives in perfect harmony and peace. Their society is dedicated to the accumulation of knowledge and the study of science and nature. Their division of labor, labor being akin to that of a modern research institute, a social embodiment of the ideal of reason. And then late 18th and early 19th century French philosopher Charles Fourier, one of the founders of utopian socialism would write about utopian socialism as it was practiced by the Onida community.

Charles Fourier lived from 1772 to 1837, and Charles's vision of utopia was based on the absolute suppression of individualism in favor of an all-pervasive collectivism. Collectivism, if you don't know, I sure yourself didn't know when I first read about this, is the practice or principle of giving a group priority over each individual in it. And it seems to me then that utopian socialism is a bit of an oxymoron. Like how can a utopia be anything other than a place where as more wrote, no private man can want for anything, right? It reeks of individualism to me.

Once you should press what you want and place what is better for the group ahead of your own desires, now you are living in a social estate. And in that state, where you always think of the group ahead of yourself, can you ever really find ultimate fulfillment and happiness? Maybe some can, but this individualist leaning libertarian meat sack cannot, doesn't add up for me. Four, yay, came up with his ideas and responds to the industrial revolution, which was spurred on by the economic prosperity created by La Zaufeir Capitalism, which meant there were little or no government intervention. There was little or no government intervention in the economy.

The focus on limited government allowed European industrialists to use their wealth in order to develop factories, mines and mills without much regulation or interference from government policies and then they completely oppress the shit out of the working class. And that I'm not favor in favor of either. For all the time that I've shit on elements of extreme socialism and of course communism, I'm also adamantly opposed to completely unregulated capitalism for this very reason. I don't like communism because I don't want the state making too many decisions regarding how I get to live and I don't like unregulated capitalism because I don't want

to know greedy, ruthless, modern day, robberbearance dictating how I get to live. Given the people in power too much power, whether they be government officials or corporate titans, it never seems to work out too well for everyone else. Power really does seem to corrupt. We need loss, you know, just not too many loss. At the end of the day, government in large population is such a complicated business, isn't it? And because it is, I think we'll argue about it until the end of humanity. During Charles four yeas time, the capitalism he witnessed allowed the industrialists to create large amounts of wealth for themselves, often resulted in horrible working conditions for the working class people who worked in their, you know, places. During the industrial evolution, workers often struggle due to low pay, long work hours,

difficult and dangerous work, little no benefits, constant fear of being fired and replaced. These conditions, while very beneficial to the wealthy, very beneficial to the Purdue farmers of the 19th century, were obviously disastrous for the majority of society who made up the working class. As a result, early socialists sought to correct these conditions in the hopes of creating a more equitable society for all people. And that pursuit could not be more noble. And I do understand why they sought to change things. And based on these new ideas, some socialists, utopian communities began to pop up where people tried to put these ideas into practice. Inspired by Charles Fourier, another utopian socialist, Robert Owen, tried

to create a utopian city by buying basically an entire existing fucking town in Indiana called Harmony, and renaming it new Harmony in 1825. Did about 180 buildings and thousands of acres of land. Owen's social experiment didn't last long, only two years. For it was abandoned by the roughly thousand people who tried it out, because they weren't able to make it economically viable.

But it was very influential to other utopian socialists in the town itself is actually still there. A stupid cute little town of around 800 people now. The environs, the wages, conditions, education provided for the children during the short duration of New Harmony as a utopian socialist experiment, more than a century ahead of its time. We owe our modern eight-hour workday largely to Owen. He instituted it, instituted it at the large cotton mill

he owned in Scotland when that was unheard of. By 1817 he had formulated the goal of an eight hour working day with the slogan, eight hours labor, eight hours recreation, eight hours rest. God, that sounds nice. Owen envisioned a world of small communities, 500 to 3000 people in size that would mainly be agricultural, possessed the best machinery, offer in size that would mainly be agricultural, possess the

best machinery, offer varied employment and as far as possible, you know, each, you know, colony be self-contained. Well, he did not bring his vision to light, you know, he did inspire a lot of others to do the same in the 19th century in America, at least 130 social experiments were launched. And at least 16 of them were influenced heavily by Owen. And Owen was far from the only idealist to try and create a utopian town in 19th century America. Between 1841 and 1859 at least 28 colonies were established by the US in the US by followers of Charles Fourier. Most only lasted a few years. The O'Nighted Community, the

most successful of all these communities. And for sure, the fucking weirdest. Another important term in regards to understanding the United community we should go over before jumping into today's timeline that will start with the birth of founder John Humphrey noise and extend beyond his death is Bible communism. Bible communism was essentially a utopian socialism combined with biblical interpretation. Noise did a mashup of French socialist ideals with Christianity. Real interesting interpretation of Christianity. Noise did a mashup of French socialist ideals with Christianity. Real interesting interpretation of Christianity. Noise published a book titled Bible Communism in 1848, same year he founded the United Community. And thank you to Syracuse University for converting that long out of print book into digital forms so I can take a peek and making it free from the public.

Kudos to you. Here is how noise, link Christianity and Communism. He wrote, we hold that all the systems of property getting in vogue in the world are forms of what is vulgarly, vulgarly called the grab game. I.e. the game in which the prizes are not distributed by any rules of wisdom and justice, but are seized by the strongest and craftiest

and that the laws of the world simply give rules more or less civilized for the conduct of this game. Okay. I mean, dude wasn't an idiot. It wasn't an idiot. I mean, that is the game. I'll give him that. He continues that the whole system, thus defined, is based on the false assumption that the land and goods of the world, previously to their possession by man have no owner and

rightfully become the property of anyone who first gets possession which assumption denies the original title of the creator Excludes him from his right of distribution and makes the grab game in one form or the other inevitable That God the creator has the first and firmest title to all property whatsoever that he therefore has the right of distribution first and firmest title to all property whatsoever that he therefore has the right of distribution that no way of escape from the miseries of the grab game will ever be found till his title and right of distribution are practically acknowledged that in the approaching reign of inspiration he will assert his ownership, be acknowledged and installed as distributor and thus the reign of covetedness, competition and violence will come to an end. I interpret him or this as him saying, none of us really own anything

because we're mortal and when we die, we relinquish our hold on our property and then it returns to God who owned it the whole time anyway. Right? That point is actually in alignment with a lot of American Indian forms of spirituality. And then as I interpret it, you know, he's saying that when God comes back, the whole concept of the second coming

and God's kingdom being built here on Earth, aka heaven on earth, we've gone over this concept of time and time again while covering numerous doomsday cults. When God returns, every meat sack will no longer own anything, so why are we pretending to own anything now? Why don't we already live in accordance with God's plan? You know, and obviously the fucking major problem with this is who gets to speak for God? You know who gets to you know pretend to know God's plan? Noise continues that God never so makes over-property demand

as to divest himself of his own title. And of course, that man can never in reality have absolute and exclusive ownership of lands, goods, or even of himself, or his productions, but only subordinate joint ownership with God that in the kingdom of God, every loyal citizen is subordinate joint owner with God of all things. And then he bases that on revelations, chapter 21, for seven, I think all of that was just a continuance

of the interpretation I already gave. He adds a little more that the right of individual possession of the specific goods of the universe under this general joint ownership is determined by the arbitrant of God through inspiration, direct or indirect, that there is no other right of property beyond these two. The right of general joint ownership by unity with God and the right of possession as determined by inspiration,

that the right of possession in the case of articles directly consumed in the use is necessarily equivalent to exclusive ownership, but in all other cases is only the right of beneficial use, subject to the principle of rotation, and to the distributive rights of God. My interpretation, God lets us use, you know, a K fucking borrow his shit, but we don't get to keep it. Fine, which is basically what he just kind of keeps repeating himself a little bit. I'll replace

God with nature. And I think this assertion works for, you know, almost all meat sacks. You know, if you replace that nature, or God with nature for some, and then he writes, it will be seen from the statement of principles that the Onida association cannot properly be said to stand on any ordinary platform of communism. Their doctrine is that of community, not merely or chiefly with each other, but with God. And for the security of individual rights, they look not to constitutions or compacts with each other, but to the wisdom and goodness of the spirit of truth, which is above all.

But of course, as interpreted by noise, the idea of their systems stated in its simplest form is that all believers constitute the family of God that all valuables, whether persons or things are family property, and that all the laborers of the family are directed, judge, and rewarded in the distribution of adjoinments by the father. So here he's saying, you know, like communism, you know, can be fucked up because it's men running it,

but in this situation, it wouldn't be men. I mean, yeah, I'm the one fucking saying everything and laying down the rules, but really, I speak for God. So it's God running things. And then he adds that verse where whether persons or things, that concept, I think is one of the tenancy-based group fucking on. He just kind of glosses over here.

And then you clearly see ideals of communism with the ideals of his reputation, again, of Christian God. Now he talks about how well his brand of Bible communism has already been working back at his original utopian socialism, place in Putin-Evermont that he got fucking kicked out of, you know, for, you know, having sex with underage women, you kind of just glosses over that. Perhaps the best ecgonium on these principles may be deduced from the fact that the association under the influence of them has lived an entire harmony in relation to property interest for six years, and has met with no difficulty in respect to the distribution of possessions and privileges.

No accounts are kept between the members of the association, or between the several members, members, and there is no more occasion for them than there is between men and wife, or than there was between the several members of the family which gathered around the apostles on the day of the Pentecost. The association believes that on the kingdom of heaven, every man will be rewarded according to his works with far greater exactness than is done in the kingdoms of this world, but it does not believe that money is the currency

in which rewards are to be distributed and accounts balance. The idea is that love is the appropriate reward of labor, i.e. fucking, that in a just spiritual medium, every individual by the fixed laws of attraction. There's more references to fucking. We'll draw around him an amount of love, exactly proportioned his intrinsic value and efficiency. There you are, more push again. And those all accounts will be punctually and justly balanced without the complicated

and cumbersome machinery of bookkeeping. He dances around with his wordplay, you know, fuck everybody fuck each other here again. You know, when he writes every individual by the laws of attraction, well, as I said there. Based on what else I know about his beliefs and what he did, this is him just alluding to the, again, the more a dude is in alignment with God's will, I.e. My will, the more young immortality, energy, sex he gets.

And same for women. All right, let me just share just a tiny bit more of his Bible, Communism writings. As to the legal titles of land and another property no special measures have been taken to secure the association from individuals. Those who owned or purchased lands in their own name at the beginning have retained their deeds. And no formal transfer of any property brought in by the members has been made to the association. The stock of the company has been consolidated by love and not by law. The terms of admission so far as property is concerned are stated in the register of the association as follows. On the

admission of any member, all property belonging to him or her becomes the property of the association. A record of the estimated amount be kept. In case the subsequent withdrawal of the member of the association according to its practice here to four, will refund the property or an equivalent amount. The practice, however, stands on the ground, not of obligation, but of expediency and liberality. And the time and manner refunding must be trusted to the discretion of the association. While the person remains a member, his substance and education and association are held to be just equivalents for his labor. And no accounts are kept from, nor accounts are kept between him and the association. And no claim of waiters accrues to him in case of subsequent withdrawal. That was all a real nice way of saying, when you come live with us, you do sign ownership

of all your worldly property over to us. And then if you want to leave, we'll give back an equivalent amount of assets, win in how we see fit at our IE my discretion. Cult, cult, cult. I guarantee fucking to you that once you signed over your shit to John Humphrey noise, you never got it all back.

Get the fuck out of here. Now just one more sentence from this book before we hop on into the timeline. We apply these principles not only to property and social rights, but to our ownership of ourselves. That's definitely some cult shit. We don't just collectively own your shit

when you join up with us. We also own you as well. We're getting the fuck out. Now get in here and help make me immortal. With all the philosophical basis now for the ideals of the community and or cult on about to describe, uh, laid on out. Let's dig into today's timeline. Right after today's sponsor break. Thank you for sticking around. Let's really get to know these energy fucking weirdos. And this future flatware making cult right now. Shrap on those boots, soldier. We're marching down a time, sub-time line.

September 3, 1811. The future founder of the United Community, John Humphrey Noise, Born in Rattlesburg, Vermont. Such a pretty town. There's so many picturesque little towns all around the world. This one of the hardly Connecticut River Valley, home of the Vermont Jazz Center. Everyone knows. When you think about jazz, you think about Rattlesburg, Vermont. Roughly 12 12,000 people there today right across the river from New Hampshire just about 10 miles north of the Massachusetts state line Back in 1811. There's about 1900 people there small for today, but decent-sized town for the US over 200 years ago

John was the son of a well-to-do New England businessman and politician also named John his father grown up in New Hampshire Attended the prestigious high school, the Phillips Exeter Academy, opened in 1781. So many famous alumni from the school, holy shit, Abraham Lincoln son, Robert study there, I did the son of president, Ulysses S. Grant, Facebook founder, Mark Zuckerberg, presidential candidate Andrew Yang, authors Gore-Vidal,

Dan Brown, John Irving, a bunch of Nobel Prize winners, a bunch of founders of big companies, more politicians, John's dad, like his son, will later study the Dartmouth that Ivy League school has been around since 1769, one of nine colonial colleges chartered before the American Revolution. Initially, when both Johns went there, it was very religious school, primarily training congressionalist ministers. And John's parents did hope their son would grow up to be a minister, especially mom. And he would do that. He just, you know, wouldn't be the kind of minister they would originally hope for. Not even fucking close.

John's mom, Polly noise, the weird ass name. I mean, that wasn't a birth name, but, you know, once you took a married name, Polly noise. Polly noise. Sounds like a fucking type of plastic or something. Was the Antu, uh, Rutherford B. Hayes, 19th president of the United States, our cults leaders first cousin. The matriarch of the noise family, well respected in the community, big into the local church, deeply religious woman who felt it was her duty to make sure her kids were raised to be strong Christians. John Grewp went over very well to do, very proper, Protestant New England family, super waspie, waspie standing for white,

Anglo-Saxon Protestant. Terminus has come to refer to early Americans, descended from Northern European, usually Protestant stock, form into cultural group often considered the most dominant, privileged, and influential in the history of American society. John was born the fourth of nine children. Young John was said to be a thoughtful boy. As a child, he was a fawn of going to bed early because he wanted to think. To quote, he wanted to think. Hopefully he wasn't thinking of electric group sex quite yet.

Also a natural leader. As his mom recalled in later years, I can see him now marching up off the hill at the head of a company of his playmates. Sent away to school in Amherst, Massachusetts when he was nine. In 1820, little John sent letters home that reveal a boy seized by homesickness, but also anxious not to upset his mother. He was also certainly very intelligent. Writing, and again, this is at nine years old. Mama, I must say that when I'm not reading or writing or studying, I am homesick.

Yes, I am homesick, but away with all this. I fear I have distressed you already. Tell Papa that I am studying Cicero, and that I I have got and that I've got to the fourth book of Virgil. Fuck what? Cicero and Virgil? Nine, he's writing that? Oh my god. I comparatively fucking, it's a complete idiot. At that age, I would have probably written something like, Mom, I like it. Spgett he's good. Do you stop my Legos?. Please do not throw away my Legos. I love them. Also, tell Dad to not throw away my Legos.

I love you. Buy. P.S. Also do not throw away my he-man, guys. Or bike. Or anything. That would have actually been a fucking, I would have been impressed with that letter

if I would have been able to write that at age 9. In 1821, when he was 10, John and his family relocated to the village of Putney Vermont. There's 10 miles from Brattleboro where John would now attend the Brattleboro Academy where he compete is complete, his preparation for college. If that's school still exists, it doesn't seem to be under that name anymore. The scrawny, freckled redhead was a horny kid at the academy, no surprise there. One friend from his school days would later say that he was filled with a little too much libido culpris, Latin for lust for the body.

Real fancy way of saying he was a Randy Little Horndog. 1829, 18-year-old noise began attending his father's alma mater, Dartmouth, and in his diary, he wrote mostly about young women. Pretty normal, for an 18-year-old, you know, but for the times he gains seem to be horner than the average horn dog. In 1830, old sex noise, old Johnny sex noise, done with Dartmouth.

Studies there only last a year, wasn't the four years or more institution that is today for most students. He got himself an internship at his brother-in-law, Larkin Meeds, practice, and Chesterfield, New Hampshire. He's seen bound for legal career in a normal life. He didn't wanna be a minister. He was disappointed in mother,

but Dad was okay with it, because he wanted to be a lawyer. He started a day-to-woman. He referred to in his diary is Carolyn M. Maybe Caroline. Caroline M, there we go. Yeah, definitely Caroline. Even wrote her a poem. Let me set some period piece music

to make it a little bit more palatable. Hmm, uh-huh. Mark, Caroline, John Watson Sky, Deep Tinging Crimson Light. The sun's red glories haste to die and Swift comes on the night. Then hasten, air the twilight ends, far down the veil will roam. No post-hail or night descends, then love should light us home. Motherfucker, yes!

That's not exactly- I added the motherfucker at the end, you know that. Maybe that was deadly innocent style, and not early 19th century style, but I promised I made it better. That made it more fun. I wonder if she absolutely love that poem or read it to her friends for a laugh. I feel like I could have gone either way. Feels like a real toink, coin toss, real toinkoss. Ha ha.

John's legal internship came to an end in 1831. He returned home to Putney and he and Caroline's love affair was over. She was not willing to move to Putney with him. It seems, it doesn't sound like they ever had much of a love affair. According to his diary, they never did more than talk and attend some dances together. I'm guessing the entirety of their sexual life was him alone in his bed at night, quietly beating off the thoughts of what her body might look like under whatever giant

down to the floor, form hiding Victorian dress she wore to the dance early that evening. He never created any penis vagina immort mortality energy with her. No electric sex, not even regular sex. In the fall of 1831, his mother's prompting noise attended a religious revival in Putney, which would change his life. Against all expectations, he experienced a powerful conversion. I mean, it wasn't that he wasn't a Christian earlier. He did attend church and he said all the right things, you know, he prayed and whatnot, but now he really he felt it. The spirit took him. Did it ever?

1831, big year for religious revivals in New England. Revivals that have been sweeping across the Northeast for over a decade, perhaps the biggest year, 1831. That second grade awakening, I spoke over earlier. It's in full effect. And the evangelist Charles Finney, who I quoted earlier, talking about how crazy the second awakening, you know, great awakening got, was the one who's sermon captivated John.

I guess he talked about that burnt over district, but Fannie was incredibly popular preacher at that time, he was a real fire and brimstone guy with a special talent for making people really believe that God's wrath was real, as was his love for you. If you repented and committed your soul to Christ, made you genuinely worry about your salvation, and he always gave those listings hope though,

that through the power of their belief in the Lord Accepting and sharing God's grace and love they could hasten the return of Christ actively help God create his kingdom here on earth You know be a part of everything be forgiven all that stuff and this message would really stick with John Humphrey sex noise He want to share so much love to create this magical kingdom By the time Fendi's revival is over John had decided to become a minister You then quickly enrolled first at the Andover Theological Seminary, 110 miles east of Putney in Massachusetts, then soon transferred to Yale. And New Haven West Connecticut, or West Connecticut with the fuck my time. New,

hey, it's a new state. Don't even, don't look it up. Don't google it. For short time, there was a West Connecticut. You've heard of it. No, it was New Haven Connecticut, 150 miles south of Andover to study theology there, and Mama was stoked at Yale primarily a religious institution at this time as well, he would form most of the beliefs that would later be the foundation of his socialist utopia, including one that I did not mention earlier, I didn't want to tip my hand because it's so fucking crazy. Christian Crossbow Yoga Communication. Christian Crossbow Yoga Communication is a little known Christian mystical practice.

Okay, based on memorizing, reciting certain scriptures in a chant-like way, typically Psalms, totally normal, along with performing a measured breathing technique in a way that produces a deep meditative state. This shits out there. Enhancing that state, various very advanced yoga poses, such as a one-armed scorpion pose, and then the practitioner also, if they would do a ride, they can get good enough to hit targets with the cross, but while doing that, and the focus it takes to hit these targets while also meditating, while also fucking reading scripture while also balancing on one

hand while also touching both sets of toes to the back of one's head will allow one in theory to see and talk to God. And that of course is not true. But fun for me to imagine someone A, believing it to be true and B, actually trying to accomplish it. What a bummer. It would be to pull all that off. Like you work so fucking hard and then you don't get to talk to God. Like you put in so much work.

And at the end, all you get is like a random Guinness record. We're a viral video or something on TikTok. No, John did form most of the beliefs that would later be the foundation of his socials utopia at Yale, including one I have not gone into yet. Perfectionism, reference it. But John developed his own version of the Christian notion of perfectionism there.

The belief that it is possible for an individual to become free of sin entirely through religious conversion and willpower. And this is a real thing. Over the years, various teachings within Christianity have described their own particular process of achieving spiritual maturity or perfection. This concept means different things in different versions of Christianity. And it's been around for centuries. The Catholics have long had their version, as have methodists, Quakers, and these versions doesn't really mean you actually become perfect in any way.

Like in the Catholic version, you can be operating in a state of being on the path to perfection. By continually focusing on God's word and trying your best to follow up, you can never be 100% perfect in this life, only in heaven can you accomplish that. Most denominations teach that you can only achieve perfection or anything remotely close to perfection through death by salvation. And also that you are given perfection through God's grace, not through your own work, right? Noise didn't like these versions.

He was all about putting an effort down on earth that could lead directly to many heavenly things while you were still alive, like being perfect. And at Yale, John Humphrey noise declared himself openly, you know, around professors and friends, to be perfect, to be 100% free of sin, I fucking got it. No more, no more lessons needed. You can stop reading, I'm perfect now.

I'm in a state of perfection. Fuck yeah, bro, that's an alpha power move. Totally free from sin, y'all. Baskin' the frickin' glow. Oh, what an accomplishment. As mom must've been so proud. She must have really talked it up to her friends. I had a great mom brag. Oh your sons are a lawyer now Lovely, you must be so happy. Yeah, my sons doing very well. Also, he's uh, well Feel a little weird to say out loud, but he's he's perfect. He's literally perfect He's more perfect. He just I don't know so much better, I guess,

than, you know, like any other mother's sons. I literally just could not be more proud because he's perfect. And clearly, he got her from his mama. Noisderia Perfection centered on the idea that the fact that man had an independent will was because of God. My God gave us our will.

And that since our independent will came from God, then man's will, our wills, must be divine. And because our wills are divine, well then there's no need for the church to try and control it and interfere with it or label it sinful ever. Sounds like he just given himself a carte blanche, do whatever the fuck he wants and never be sinful, right? Just follow your will wherever it leads. And yours following God's will. Noice! That's some serious cult leader shit. Noice proclaimed that it was impossible for

the church to compel man to obey the law of God and to send him to eternal damnation for his failure to do so. You can't condemn anyone to hell because they have God's perfect divine will. You know what, I can't believe in a version of this I guess not that we're perfect But I don't believe in sin so it's similar to that But he's trying to still have it be within the construct of Christianity somehow it's weird Noise also claimed that his new relationship to God can so down his obligation to obey traditional moral standards Or the normal laws of society i.e. I get to fuck any plus I want and if you're thinking this all sounds like crazy talk Well, you're right

Also wouldn't everyone be perfect with this reasoning. All right, so why would anyone need a collier? And if you're thinking this all sounds like crazy talk, well, you're right. Also, wouldn't everyone be perfect with this reasoning? Why would anyone need a collier? We're all giving our wills by God in this belief system, right? Each and every one of us. And if all of our wills are already perfect, and we can do what we want with them, then how could he justify a need for, say, a bunch of energy fucking to ring about God's kingdom on earth Everyone's already perfect. The kingdom should already be here

And I think noise might say yeah kind of but we're not immortal yet That's where the energy sex comes in or something like that It's hard to say like the teachings of a lot of cult leaders, you know A lot of his shit is hard to interpret because it's fucking gibberish. It's like godly gugnontent Yale also thought his ideas were crazy and in in 1834, they kicked him the fuck out and they denied him a license to preach. John didn't let this sway him from his conviction and his new truth though,

wouldn't let it keep him from preach neither. He would declare, I took away their license to sin and they go on sinning. They have taken away my license to preach, but I shall go on preaching, right? I get to do what I want! That's my whole belief thing. And I gotta say in moments like this,

I am impressed by the balls, quote leaders have, the ego, to push past, massive ridicule, ridicule, rejection, go against social norms, keep doing their own thing, keep marching to the beat of their own, drum, beats off and horrible and blatantly immoral, but still impressed by the fortitude. It must take a car about your own path like that,

potentially a great personal cost in the face of a lot of dissent, or maybe it is less about fortitude and more about true insanity, like actual mental illness. This guy's fucking crazy will come out more and more as the timeline goes forward. He stayed in New Haven for a time after getting kicked out, talking to other perfectionists. He wasn't the only buddy. Well, again, I talked about how it was an existing ideal. A lot of people this time in this area were getting into different versions of perfectionism. And he talked about their social reformers, gathered more ideas for his upcoming religious visions.

I became part of a small congregation of other perfectionists in New Haven. Also in 1834, John Humphrey Noise falls in love hard. Oh man. This is going to stick with us for the rest of the episode. With Abigail Merwin. God, I wish I knew what you looked like. Because he fell so hard. He met her at a perfectionist free church in New Haven. She was the first person to publicly ally herself with him briefly. I've heard he made a surprising announcement that he's completely free from sin. She was 30. He was 22 at this time. She was hot as fuck. She has said to have been, you know, very beautiful dark hair and eyes, he

wanted her real bad, she will become the inspiration for most of his future insanity in one way or another. From February of 1834 until May of 1834, they met often to discuss how to launch a perfectionist preaching campaign. She was also the first person he converted to his new religious views and he lusted after her so intensely. But at the time he didn't really have a job and if he wanted to try and make her his wife, you know, per se, he would have to build a name for himself. So he left New Haven for New York City in the spring of 1834 and this trip did not go well for him, relationship-wise. It did not, absence did not make the heart-girlfondonder in this situation. Abigail will quickly break off the potential for romance when noise loses his fucking mind in a big way in the big apple.

Like almost all co-leaders, he receives a vision. A bunch of visions, actually. He's staying in a small, cheap boarding house on Leonard Street in a rough area of lower Manhattan known as the infamous five points neighborhood. Known previously as the collect. There was once a five acre lake in the area called the collect that had become a swampy cesspool due to industrial waste from unregulated nearby factories and waste from slaughterhouses. And then the lake was drained, a low income neighborhood built where it once was.

And now the neighborhood riddled with crime and vice, probably the biggest prostitution center in the nation at that time. The same year that noise stayed there, hoping to write a new book explaining all his new religious ideas frontiersman, David Crockett, David David Crockett King, the wild volunteer. He actually wrote a travel memoir, recording his experience in five points. Comitine, I would rather not venture among these creatures after night. They are too mean

to swab hell's kitchen. She was rugged. And while staying in his room there, overlooking the street full of sex workers, gamblers, hard party and whiskey drinkers, noise lost his fucking mind or had a vision. The first of many that will last for around three weeks, the length of what seems to have been a serious mental breakdown. He will later describe his first vision to a friend as a marriage feast with Christ. He wrote a blow by blow description of a wedding night with the Son of God, one of bounding and sexual metaphors, not weird at all. After it was over, the vision left noise,

pining like a ravished bride, he said, for the lover whose fruit was sweet to his tastes. Okay, talked about God entering his secret chamber. All right, I'll just down side some blue pollen going on there and having a sexual hangover the next morning. Seems like being around a lot of sex work, while also. We're also thinking about God a lot. We're also being a horny dude while maybe being mentally ill. Let him to have in a weird fever dream of sorts

where he gets fucked by Jesus or something. He later wrote that the day after his vision, now Satan showed up. Oh no! And his minions tried to get him. No, Satan! Uh-huh! Get out of here! What are you doing here? Come on not today? He's surrounded now by dark energy And he lets he lets everyone know all the stuff happens By writing a bunch of letters during this brief battle in sanity, total insanity to his parents, friends, Abigail. For three weeks, he wanders around the streets at five points.

Sometimes he got, sometimes he in the devil, often not returning to his room for days. Sometimes talking to angels, sometimes talking to demons. He's sleeping on benches, preaching to drunken gamblers and prostutes. In one vision, the girl who dumped him Abigail reveals herself to be an agent of Satan. The sky is as an angel. He has to harden his heart against her begon, Luciferna. One morning he convinces himself that Christ is returning right now. He fucking runs out, literally stands on the street, stares into the sky for apparently hours. Instead of thinking he lost his mind for a bit, when he

comes out of all this, he interprets all this as God testing him and he passes. And now he is ready to be God's chosen prophet. Cult, cult, cult. After all this, returns to his family and Putney and they are not impressed. They're concerned and ashamed. Apparently his dad is demoralized, completely convinced his son's lost his mind

because he had, and you know, he's now worried that his son's never gonna amount to anything mom is confused and embarrassed It's not a good homecoming old friends avoid him like the plague. He's the subject of all kinds of gossip He's the talk of the town and a month or so after showing up He leaves he returns to New Haven to stay with some free church friends who get him Back in New Haven. He another free church buddy buddy, James Boyle, fellow perfectionist, start printing a paper called, uh, the perfectionist. Bear, straightforward.

First issues printed in August of 1834. Shortly after this first issue, he, uh, here's about another perfectionist church in Selina, New York, where the preacher Erasmus Stone is telling his congregation that they can have spiritual marriages with partners outside their legal marriages. Okay, I'm interested. Publicly, Stoners preaching these partnerships are only about praying together, learning about God's word together, nothing physical.

But rumors soon start to flow that these people actually are fucking each other. And that gets Johnny Sex noise as wheels a spinning. He starts to get some more interesting ideas. In 1835, he hears about Abigail again. He no longer thinks she's one of Satan's minions, or he does think she still is, but her ass looks so good. He's willing to burn in hell.

Just get a little piece of it. I get it. Hell is fina. He does hear about her. He hears she's gotten engaged, and he is devastated, even though they have not spoken, since he left for New York, or since shortly after he left for New York. He now decides totally rationally that sometimes, even when you don't get the partner you want in this life,

you do get him later in heaven. You literally get to fuck him up in heaven, once you're both dead. Fuck yeah, bro. He decides that Abigail is his spiritual wife. And while yes, he wants her, he lusts after her in this life. If he doesn't get her in this life, oh well,

he'll get to make love to her in heaven because God promised it at another vision. When we're, you know, God told him, he gets a hammer in heaven, what a solid rational stable mind this guy has. I think a bunch of you listening, you have so much fun with this concept. Hear me out.

Play a super fun joke on some people. Here's what you do. You reach out to some exes, or one ex. You know, whatever, who's broken up with you, or divorced you, or you reach out to someone who professed, you professed your love to them and they never reciprocated that love. And you tell them that, hey, yeah,

you might not get to, you know, fuck them in this life, ever, you know, or ever again, but you just want them to know that you are gonna fuck them so much once they're dead. I just want you to try and see how it goes. I bet they won't find it creepy at all. They won't report you to the authorities. I think everyone will have a good laugh.

Everyone will think that you're clever and fun. Report back. Let us know what happens. As crazy as this is, noise did this. He actually wrote Abigail, a letter, saying as much. Holy shit, he declared in his letter to Abigail that he had shuffled off the mortal coil of earthly cares and would be content would be content to

possess her in heaven. Wow, I'm sure she was flattered. I'm sure she didn't start you know like double checking that the doors are locked at night. No, anything like that. Not sure if she wrote back or not. I don't think she did, but noise did learn later that her marriage is delayed not long after writing this letter and he decides to you know do the right thing to the normal rational thing and he moves to Ithaca, New York where she's living in January of 1837. Still wants her on earth. As you can imagine, she's not happy about this. She doesn't want him back.

When he finds her in Ithaca where she is from, by the way, and where her family is, she literally refuses to acknowledge him on the street, turns away from him. We won't say word to him. I'm sure he freaked her the fuck out because he's a weird creep. And her family, familiar with his meltdown in New York because the letter he sent to her, they want him to stay the fuck away from their daughter.

This guy's not stable. In the midst of intense emotional turmoil now, about losing the one person, he felt he was destined to love. He has another many breakdown, He has some more visions. He suppresses his personal sense of loss, folks, instead on his guiding principle and life, creating a perfectionist heaven on earth now. We are such an interesting species, right? Some of our brains work. He writes a friend, fellow perfectionist David Harrison, a letter on January 15th, that'll become infamous. When the will of God is done on earth, this is a little excerpt from it, not all of it. When the will of God is done on earth, as it is in heaven, there will be no marriage,

exclusiveness, jealousy, quarreling, have no place at the marriage supper of the lamb. God has placed a wall of partition between man and woman during the apostasy. For good reasons, this partition will be broken down in the resurrection for equally good reasons. But woe to him, who abolishes the law of the apostasy before he stands in the holiness of the resurrection. I call a certain woman my wife. She is yours, she is Christ. And in him she is the bride of all saints.

She is now in the hands of a stranger. And according to my promise to her, I rejoice. My claim upon her cuts directly across the marriage covenant of this world and God knows the end. See what he's doing here? Frustrated by jealousy over having to share Abigail with an earthly husband. He's not sharing her because she doesn't fuck a one and they do it. Noise now invents a system in which exclusiveness is banned. Everyone is married to everyone. If he can't eliminate his rival, Abigail's fiance, Merit Platt, his crazy ass mind, he

will eliminate the very notion of sexual rivalry all together. Game, set, match. How wild that the whole compound in onida would have probably just been avoided. Would have never happened if this one lady would have just agreed to fuck him. How crazy. There would never be a night of flatware. If Abigail Merwin would have just fucking let John Humphrey noise. But it's dickin' back in 1837. Johnny sex noise.

Also declared as this letter that he is one of the true leaders of the, well, actually not leaders, plural, sorry, that he is the true leader of the perfectionist. Another alpha move. He writes, you know, it's very radical for 1837 to the vast majority of both American men and women free love was unthinkable. It was a total rejection of America's pure tanical roots. America was founded by people who believed that nothing was more important than family. Right? You know, I share this belief to an extent.

You fight, you know, for your country to protect your family at the end of the day. You settle new land to provide a better future for your family. The American dream is about not to just improve your life, but the lives of future generations of your family. And noise is shredding the notion of family up and just thrown in the trash. This concept not only shook the overwhelming majority of America's views about what constituted a stable society to its core, it would have been turned to immoral, adulterous, satanic even. To soften the message, he's delivering, John noise, won't use the term free love. Now That was too alarming. Instead, he'll call it complex marriage.

That's smart. That's a good branding decision, right? This isn't something wildly different from what you've known. No way! This isn't a rejection of what society's built on. Ehh, it's just a little twist on the same old shit, right? You're still married? We still believe in marriage, of course we do.

But now marriage has just gotten, you know, It's a bit more complex Noise would actually criticize free love is wrong because he said that it inspired sexual pairing Which no matter how godly couldn't replace marriage Interesting instead in his complex marriages all the women in the community were wives of all the men and all the men in the community were husbands of all the women You know it was the fairest way to do it. It says, a guy working so hard to create a world where Abigail, Merwin, will finally have to fuck him.

But what about the children? Noise knew that there would be backlash regarding the children. Wasn't it wrong for them to grow up not knowing, you know, who their fathers were? Noise has a fix for the sexual relations with everyone we're only permissible in his new fucking concept. As long as there is a mutual agreement that men will practice coitus reservatus aka sex with no coming. So to avoid unwanted and unplanned pregnancy, right? So easy. This is like the birth control version of the Isby dumb joke of just don't. I want to come. No, just don't. Oh, okay. I'll figure about it and never mind. I won't then.

Childbearing would be a community decision based on selective breeding decided by basically noise and a eugenics committee of his. Everyone got to use everyone else's holes or sticks for fun, but only some holes and sticks get to be matched for childbearing. And I guess all the guys had to pinky swear just to never let any come slip out of their cleanways.

Or something. Easy peasy. So it sounds like a pretty sweet gig for a guy who wants to fuck a lot, you know, but doesn't want to be burdened by a fatherhood. You know, just oh, what? Oh man. I don't get to be part of breeding. Wow, bummer.

I only get to fuck every one of the time for fun. Dang it. I'm so sad. I guess I'll have to go drown my sorrows in so much pus. Nobody knows the troubles I've seen. Uh, noise letter talking about all this shit would set off a crazy chain of events. It had a strong impact on Harrison, uh, who sent it to a friend Simon Love it. Love it would then show the letter to one Elizabeth Holly, a young perfectionist firebrand who would then insist upon having it sent again to perfectionist preacher, a Theo Files are gates of Philadelphia.

And this takes us on a fun adventure. By August 1837, noise letters on the cover of the second edition of Gates' broadsheet called the Battle Axe and Weapons of War. Gates will go on to lead his own small group of group lovers. Now his group will become basically the poor man's version of the United Community, the Backwoods version. This is so good. Earlier in 1837, Gates converted to perfectionism, moved to Philadelphia.

He came to believe that in the end days, or that the end days, excuse me, we're fast approaching, right? Okay, it happened all the time. And it's necessary to break down many mistaken, humor, human social practices before God shows up, especially the concept of marriage and the concept of falling in love, which he called an enchantment of the devil. Here's another fucking weirdo. In place of marriage, Gates preached a total spontaneous and flexible sexual arrangement

between men and women. And noise is a letter, you know, confirmed this to him that he's right. His ideas are the right ideas. You know, or not, I guess it wasn't a letter to him, but you know, he gets, he sees his letter. So by 1840 gates and a few followers, excuse me, move west to Philadelphia to a rural northern Chester, move, God dang, move west of Philadelphia to rural northern Chester County. That's how you talk near Potstown where they took up residence in the Shankles Valley

and area they renamed Free Love Valley, and they called themselves Battle Axers. There's only a small number of Battle Axers. It sounds like somewhere between 10 and 20. They had no set codes of conduct, no formal liturgy. That seemed to have been a set time location for their meetings or services. Why would there be? They were already all perfect.

All they needed to do was follow their divine, perfect wills, and that valley. And those wills, what do you know it? Let them do a lot of fucking anecdotal records revealed the group you know engaged in a lot of basically constant nudity they wanted to emulate the purestate of Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden. You know, and when they had services, whatever those entailed probably a lot of shouts of you're perfect. I know you're perfect too. I know, and a lot of high fives. And then the services would, I guess, typically end. I love this so much.

This is my favorite thing in this episode. It would typically end with a nude procession. I picture almost like a, like a New Orleans kind of parade. You know, I'd go, boom, boom, boom, boom. They're just like walking down this trail to a nearby pond, and then they would have an orgy in the pond. God, I love this topic so much today. That's how you get people to, you know, embrace a religion, based in gentlemen, pond orges. Hailers of Fena. Woo! Or maybe not, unless the people of the pond orgy look like a lot of the

people I've seen in church over the course of my life. Oh my heck! Gosh dang! In that case, you might end up with a real small congregation. A real, uh, there's not, there's no nice way to say this. A less than super hot congregation attending some pond, you fuck sermons. My end up with a small band of dedicated mudfuckers, people surrounded by frogs who also kind of look like frogs. Oh boy. 19th century religious group fucking pond. That is one porno. I don't think I ever need to see, but I would watch it once if it was available. You know I would. I'm curious.

You probably are too. I don't know if I'd be able to finish, but who knows? Maybe I'd surprise myself. Realized that group, you know, pond fucking is a new strong sexual interest of mine. I think it'd be hard to get Lindsey to join in on that interest. She doesn't seem like she'd be down with a lot of like group pond fucking. I just loved that this actually happened. I didn't take long for this behavior as you might imagine to attract some outside attention. When you go heavy on pond fucking, where gets around.

Four battle actors get arrested for fornication and adultery as the beginning of 1843. Neighbors probably complain, you know, they don't want to see or hear any more heated pond fucks. Why do I keep picturing some toad like lady being sexually shish kabobbed by two other pond folk? Some elderly bearded men with bellies bigger than mine, but arms and legs so much skinnier. I'll do the back float in a dirty ass pond. And why do I also picture a toe down her belly as she'd been rocked back and forth in the in the passionate heat of religious sexual pondfucking passion? What's wrong with me? Three of those pondfuckers were actually convicted in sent to prison. During these proceedings,

battle acts followers chose to disrupt the shinkled church during the Sunday service by marching nude, either protesting, they marched nude down the main aisle, waving their arms around, crying out against the established order. What a scene! I don't know the gossip that must have surrounded all this. They made things lively in that valley. The small group of people hung around, were rested off and on, tossed out of area churches here and there. Sometimes literally, while nude, until they finally headed out to the Wild West and disappeared from the historical record in the 1850s. It's just kind of literally faded off into the sunset. And that was the end of the battle act community. No word on how many kids, if any were conceived from those pawnfucks. I'm not sure, but I do think that the origin

story of Swamp thing from DC Comics is connected to those orgies. And at least one run of that awesome character. And a couple of those appellation cryptids I talked about last month, right? A couple of those big foot derivatives. I mean, they have to have been spawned from those pawnfuckers, you know, walking through Appalachia on the way out west. Definitely that sad little squawk monster, right, related to those folk. Back to noise's letter, although it was published anonymously by the battle actors, noise did quickly admit, okay, I did it. I'm the author. He later said he felt that God intended his private thoughts to be made public because they were so good. From that point on, he'd say that he felt that he was called to defend and ultimately

carry out the doctrine of biblical communism in regards to Conno Love. He had to. God will be done. Despite continual rejections, noise is still pining away for Abigail. He won't let it go. March 23rd, 1838. He writes another letter to his friend David Harrison, writes dear brother, with respect to Abigail, I say still.

God knows the end. He can't help himself. I do not, many things strongly indicate that the end is not far off. My mind concerning her has not changed, saved that I love her more and more. Oh boy. And I'm daily more fully persuaded of God that she is worthy and in due time will be proof so, though I have long reconciled to suspense. I desire to know the truth, the whole truth,

nothing but the truth in relation to her, whatever it may be. If you see her, you are authorized to make known to her my mind and circumstances as far as you know them, leaving her in the Lord to determine what course it is right and expedient for her to pursue. If God does not bring to pass her strange act by her, or his strange act by her, he will by someone else too. If God does not bring to pass her strange act by her or his strange act by her, he will buy someone else to. Okay.

The kingdom of God is swiftly advancing to its predicted collision with the kingdoms of this world, like two mighty ships there coming to crash, which will shatter and sink one of them. The timbers then must bear the blow and expect a crushing shock. Dude, if I got a letter from a fucking or stock like I heard about it, I would notify the police immediately. Now I want his friends to tell her, hey, if you see her, just tell her that I, yeah.

I think about her. I know the last few times I've been rough. I know her family wants me to never ever speak to her again. I know she refuses to even look at me, but if you could just talk to her about how God wants me to fuck her when we're dead. And I'd rather start that during life, I'd just see what she says.

No way she continues to be crazy the spring of 1838. Now he's back home in Putney. Family not happy, he's a complete embarrassment. Speaking to a small group of fellow lunatics on April 5th, Noise expounds more on his insanity. He'll say, and I'm leaving a lot of stuff out because it's boring.

I believe that marriage does not exist in heaven. Okay, yeah, we've talked about that. I believe that the will of God will be done on earth that is done in heaven, consequently. The time will come and marriage will not exist on earth. He's real big on the abolishing marriage. No marriages in heaven, I will say does make sense. So everyone being married to each other does not.

Earthly marriages make sense. But then it's, you know, it's till death do you apart because otherwise, why are people like one of the spouses, you know, passes, why would they ever get, you know, married again? Right? If that happened, and then what happens in this, in this kind of world when you, when you die, let's say, even married like three times, and then you go, well, I guess what now you have to be in a polygobus marriage?

Up there, or, I don't know. He also says, I believe that such as make these doctrines a cloak of licentiousness, are wholly ignorant of the true nature of the doctrines, and will share the doom of Sodom and Gomorrah. I think what he's doing here is flipping the script. I think he's like, oh, you don't think pond orgis are holy? We'll get ready to be smited. You totally missed the message on Sodom and Gamora. God didn't hate how much wanton fucking was going on there. He was mad that more wanton fucking and sucking wasn't happening. How'd you miss that? One more I believe that such as impede the true tendency of these doctrines by misrepresenting them and trusting in written laws instead of the Holy Spirit

are also holy ignorant of the subjects they handle and will air long be found fighting against God Wake up idiots. You're part of Satan's lot God wants you to use your genitals so much. We got all these stupid rules about who you're supposed to be able to fuck. Uh-uh. God wants you to fuck everyone. Civilists be damned. Just fuck it out if you get a case. Nothing cares. Civilists like right.

Just fucking. Sorry. I think that's what he's saying there again. It's hard to tell what he's talking about sometimes. By the summer of 1838, noise has given up on winning Abigail back, kind of not really. He writes a short poem, another poem, signifies change of heart. So I guess you know, he is still long and for you know, you know,

you know, write a poem about somebody you really just don't care about at all. He's 26 years old now, by the way, writing a poem about the girl who won't require your love. That seems a little high school. This guy had only lived, you know, center and a half later. Maybe he said I'd be like a collater. He would have been the frontman for an email band. Here is his new sad shitty poem.

Well, I will not give you back your heart. I'm wooed and fairly won it. And soon with my life all apart, you may depend upon it. You say your heart is still your own, but words will never prove it. What got in you and I have done will stand the world can't move it. Sorry, well, that music is fitting because this guy is a clown. I know it's distracting. You know what?

Here's here's something better. I think that I think this will make it work a little more appropriate. So go on you way and I'll go mind. I cannot where you wander. The branches roots are in the vinyl. Never be torn or sung. We'll meet again. Be sure of that. Sometimes twigs now and never. At age two, I will may wait since we are one forever. I know that song also doesn't for the time period, but I do think it kind of works for lyrics, you know? After sending in this poem, 26-year-old noise, attempts to propose to a young woman named Harriet Holton,

also 26 years old, a recent perfectionist convert in June of 1838, but he's not really over Abigail, of course he's not, in his letter to Harriet, he's still talking about her. He says, You are Dallas to wear to some extent in my relations to Abigail Marwen. I will only say concerning her at present that I have recently been released from any connection with her, which could interfere with my proposal to you. My present relations to her are only such as

exist between all believers by the primary bond of which I wrote on the first page and involved no external obligation. I still believe her to be a child of God and therefore love her. Yet I am as free as I as if I had never seen her. He's such a fucking stalker lunatic. Abigail has not been speaking to him for four fucking years at this point and they barely knew each other. Despite his troublesome longing for Abigail, Harry does accept. She also accepts an open marriage, writing back,

and gladly accepting this proposal for an external union, I agree with you that it will not limit the range of our affections. The grace of God will exclude jealousy and everything with which the marriage state is defiled. As we see in the world, I only expect by it to be placed in a situation where I can enjoy your society and instruction as long as the Lord pleases and When he pleases this open marriage shit. We'll soon get him into some trouble June 28th 1838 John noise and Harriet Holden get married in Chesterfield, New Hampshire Just 13 miles up the road from Putney Noise is brother-in-law performs a ceremony Noise then takes his bride immediately to his father's home with Putney andn is allowed to live there. I think his parents at this point are glad

that it is, you know, long as he's still a weirdo, but at least he's married, weirdo now. And the following year, they build a house with their own. And inheritance, his wife brings to the marriage, enables him to buy a printing press. And they decide to reprint in book form the 20 articles. Noise at privacy written for the New Haven perfectionist. How wonderful. Everybody needs to hear these things. Their next undertaking is to start up noise's newspaper, The Witness. Noise spent the next eight months printing books and pamphlets for the Puttany community,

and it does not win him a lot of converts. But a few do fall for his crazy bullshit. Most surprising, mama, he wore it down. The dad must have been so pissed. March of 1839, Polly's testimony is published in the witness. Mama says, I have never doubted my first, though I have never doubted my first confession of salvation from sin. Yet during the past year, I've expressed to different members of the church in expectation that I might again return to them. I am now delivered from the doubt and darkness that then oppressed me and I'm determined to follow what I know to be the truth. Let what would be the consequence. It is true. I've been led through fire and flood, especially

the last year, but the suffering and separation which I have endured were the only way in which I could prove to myself that I am not governed by parental partiality and self-exaltation in the testimony which I now gave to John H. Noise as being to me a teacher and father in spiritual things. Oh boy. Mom now truly does believe that baby boy is perfect. This becomes a touchstone in the Putty No Nightingale communities. The idea that John Noise is the ultimate leader who has never sinned. Kind of like Jesus. Those who rejected it were turned away.

Those who accepted it were bound together in a brotherhood of self-sacrificing quest for the kingdom of God. Cult, cult, cult, of course, I can show you the way I am perfect. If only fucking Abigail and her also perfect plus could see that. Two years later, John's dad dies in 1841 at the age of 77, maybe of old age, maybe of shame, maybe of embarrassment.

Also in the early 1840s, things not going well in noise's marriage. In the first six years, the marriage Harriet gives birth five times. For the five births are premature, only one of their children survives is poor woman. And poor John, I could have, I'm sure that didn't help his already fragile mind. These life experiences lead noise to begin a further exploration of the study of sexual intercourse and marriage. And his self-guided studies will of course lead to Moran Sanity later on, all that electric immortality section.

By 1844, noise designs to live separately from his wife. He claims the separation brings satisfaction that neither he nor, nor his wife, had ever experienced before. In 1846, John Humphrey noise figures out that we can all fuck our way into immortality. This is the big year. That's how you bring the kingdom of God to earth. For sure. This year he develops an elaborate

theological and biological arguments that place his sexual intercourse at the very heart of the Christian community. He made sex these secrets of humanity's ability to conquer death. He wrote that with the invisible world of the saints came to annex the earthly saints aka noise and his followers and no one else to Christ heavily kingdom. All of its members would enjoy everlasting life as Invisible World of the Saints came to annex the earthly saints, aka noise and his followers and no one else to Christ's heavenly kingdom. All of its members would enjoy everlasting life as promised in the book of Revelation. He wrote that there was a physiological mechanism involved in immortality, discoverable through patient, scientific, inquiry, I.E. lots of fucking studies which you can perfect on their

end in order to meet God halfway to resurrection by studying that meant fucking drawing on the fields of biology chemistry and physiology noise tries to link sex immortality to a little understood apparently magical workings of electricity. And that's why I went with that Frankenstein example earlier. According to noise, Christ possessed an invisible energy, a battery of nervous power. Christ had a electricity inside of him. And the healing power of Jesus' electricity

Was it passed from him as like oh, I'm sorry. It wasn't quite electricity. It was a fluid fluid form It was a fluid which passed from him as electricity passes from the machine that generates it He wrote our life can become charged with the life of Christ Tell it is magnetic like his life When we are open to being plugged into Christ kind of not literally, but it was weird. We receive the equivalent of the shocks of the galvanic fluid, accumulating chronic magnetic power in our life

in assimilation to Christ. He believed this life force could be passed from person to person to the exchange of words, ideas, healing touches, but mostly highest form spiritual interchange, which according to his magnetic theory, was, you know, Dicken plus. Man and woman, he said, we're like magnet and steel, and we're attracted to each other and naturally advanced to interlocked contact. He wrote that freed from the artificial restrictions of the worldly fashion of chaining one man to one woman.

The union of male and female would fold into the original God Jesus battery, and that's fine, it's effect. Are you following me? This is how you get your partners, let you fuck other people, or how you get them to leave you forever, because you're crazy. Energy began energy according to noise. And in the fullness of time,

when God's kingdom was extended on earth, each individual life would be in folded within every other. And the whole of human life would be in folded into God and Christ, forming quote one glowing sphere and a battery of inconceivable power. I picture him when he's developed a stand up front like a big ass chalkboard. He's got a fucking lab coat on and he's exhausted, he hasn't slept, working on all these ideas, you know, just writing things on the board, constantly erasing things. And instead of like a bunch of high level theoretical like

math equations on the chalkboard, it's just like a little bit of math, just like some basic addition of subtraction, and then there's like lots of pictures of dicks, and just boobs and pussies, and then like lightning bolts, and then like a guy being like, ah, yeah, yeah, maybe like a little picture of Jesus and stuff. He said that all the sex confused into one gigantic divine sex battery,

and that humans could accumulate enough electrical force to overcome death itself. Victory over death is theorized. We'll be the result of an action of an extensive battery of this kind. He taught that the heat and light generated by this condensed sexual energy chain. My God, he's crazy. Would produce a kind of temperate microclimate that would conquer disease and death. We can fuck her away into a healing climate change.

When life shall accumulate in unity by this intripetal force of love, he said, to all heart shall radiate and receive a perpetual sunshine of joy. It is not unfilisophical to believe that the substantial physical results of an actual amelioration of climate shall be achieved. Worn from the inside out by this mega battery,

life will become independent of external elements and death will lose its prey. So yeah, that's a whole bunch of crazy gibberish. That sounds like something conspiracy is David I could put together. I imagine him presenting this in a insurment form to a small, very confused and mostly silent congregation. Right? And then when he's done, he's like, does anyone have any questions about any of this?

And literally every dude listing quickly raises their hands. And then he calls on any of the dudes, you know, you know, they just say, you know, who every call's on? So, so, do we get to have lots of sex with different ladies? And he's like, yes, Michael Adaya, that is correct. And then Michael Adaya just lets loose like a rick full, like, woo, I love it! Praise Jesus, amen! And then all the guys immediately stop holding their hands up for questions, fucking Adaya, that is correct. And then Michael Adaya just lets loose like a rick full. Like, woo, I love it! Praise Jesus, amen!

And then all the guys immediately stop holding their hands over questions, fucking high five in, fist pumping, you know, doing pelvic thrust, facing the female members. So what does John's mom think of all this? I don't think she knew about it all yet. He didn't tell all of his followers immediately, just some, just in her circle, right? Said the rest, they weren't quite ready for this message.

And then he and his inner circle get to doing a lot of fucking each other for God's kingdom, Hellos Fina. And then they will get in trouble for doing that. October 26th, 1847, noise is arrested for adultery. Which is funny that that was a crime that they would arrest you for. But then his release and tell this trial

before the county court in April next according to a community members, October 29th, 1847 letter to her mother. Uh, noise, no, he was guilty. Now he wants to get the fuck out of town upon receiving word that arrest warrants have been issued for several of his loyal followers as well. The group flees from on to for a night in New York, where noise knows, uh, some friendly

fellow perfectionists have some land there and mother comes along and some siblings to a group fuck home. Seriously, that's so creepy. If I ever try and launch a fuck compound, mom not getting an invite, neither is any other relative. Sorry, fam, you don't need to see this. These weirdo promise land was near the Canadian border, which would of course be convenient, in case of a future prosecution it was here that the putney group agreed that the kingdom of god had come forty-five of its followers from putney follow-noise to an idea by the end of forty eight eighteen forty eight their membership grows to eighty-seven

i think double quickly they settled build their first communal dwelling eighteen forty eight uh... eighteen sixty two they will later build a much larger communal home which will call the mansion house still stands today i'll talk more about it later. But for now, this thing would, after numerous additions, be 93,000 square feet. Massive. Had 250 small rooms for all of the members to sleep in or sneak off and fuck a little bit and charge your batteries and stuff.

The soul of the United Community resides in the second floor, big hall of this place, or used to, where the adults would gather after dinner each night for evening meetings, ornate, this ornate two story hall would feature figures depicting justice, music, astronomy, and history in place of staying glass and a pulpit. The O'Neill Nidans built a stage backlit by three tall velvet curtain windows from noise to give his sermons and share his wisdom. Every evening community members might hear a home talk from their leader. Make decisions about business affairs and join a concert by the community's musicians air grievances through mutual criticism shit. Yeah, it's wild here In the year after first getting going in 1848 the community purchases and cultivates additional land

establishes a variety of minor craft industries for income precursors to flatware Appoints administrative committees sets up a pattern of data, which the community will follow for the next 30 years. This is how the O'Nighted community is born. In the following decades, the community will grow to a membership of just over 300, with much smaller and short lasting branch communities also in Brooklyn, New York, Wallingford, Connecticut, Newark, New Jersey, Cambridge, Vermont, and Putney, Vermont. Most of these branch communities will quickly fade or be folded into the O'Nida community. Now the community supported itself through several successful industries. They initially manufactured animal traps, silk thread, grew and

canned fruits and vegetables. Smaller industries included the manufacturer of leather travel bags, palm leaf hats. Their most successful trade, you know, would of course be silverware, but that won't come until after all the electric sex shits long gone. Let's take more to noise this complex marriage now. How it worked in Anaita, where it really took off. In his complex marriage, every man was married to every woman, and vice versa. But you didn't get to fuck someone if they didn't want to fuck you. There were some guidelines, thank God, at least two.

The first was that before the man and woman could cohabitate, they had to obtain each other's consent through a third person or person as witnesses. Secondly, no two people could have exclusive attachment with each other because it would be selfish and idolatrous. Oh, any two people found in such a situation would be separated and not allowed to see each other for a length of time decided by a committee led by noise. Overly devoted relationships were called sticky relationships and being sticky was it key, it's bad. Being sticky meant that you were being selfish

by preferring one person over another, even though we're hardwired to find some people more attractive than others. Might not be fair, but it is natural. You know, this plan obviously going against nature here. To make sure sticky relationships didn't happen, private rooms for sexual intercourse were bare and uncomfortable. While public spaces were luxurious and heavily decorated,

I doubt that would work that well. And if two people really, especially two young people, you know, really wanted to fuck each other, they're gonna fuck on a pile of dirt, you know, rather than not fuck and hang out on a comfy couch around other people or something. Another teaching practice at Onida was, of course, male continents, the old coitus reservatus.

Oh boy, sex without coming. The only allowed form of birth control at Onida. Guys weren't even supposed to come after sex was over. Don't ever jerk off. Why? Because that's how you lose sex electricity. Wake up idiots. The main reason the humanity is not currently immortal is because too many dudes are out there fucking beating off all the time. time Forget about oh night it pisses me off here. I am Horny is fuck all the time bottling up my magic penis Jesus electricity juice and everyone else Shootin into socks and stomachs and shower floors and on to their pets fur, you know and stuff all willy nilly, right? That's where it goes. Everybody, come on.

The pets for a part was meant to be absurd. You know that, come on. I'm weird, but I'm not that weird. The old blue ball method of birth control here. Not good for birth control, not good for your health, and not good for morale. This might be dumber than provol floatin' or poo-po-loop-po-loop-po-loop-po-loop-po-loop.

I can't believe they pulled this off for, you know, decades. I'm guessing this rule was broken a lot. Also, noise-like just followers this off for, you know, decades. I guess this rule was broken a lot. Also, noise-like just followers to get started, you know, adding to the sexual electricity bank early on. Noise-felt that sex-limited traditional Christian marriage practices left most young people facing sexual starvation from puberty, which according to noise was from the age of 14

until the typical age of marriage, which was about 24. What a clever way for him to rationalize fucking 14 year olds. Why are we sexually starving the children, these 14's? Why should they not sexually eat when right here, right here in my pants for example, I have a hard dick that I'm not even using. They can munch on, let the children eat. However, noise was worried about these young teens, the boys at least, not being able to not come

when they started having sex. He was worried about some amateur hour pregnancies. So to solve this problem, he decides that young men in his community, this might even be morbid ridiculous and this should have already covered. He decides that the young men in his community should have a lot of practice sex

with women in the community who have already gone through menopause and only these women until they can control their ejaculations. And yes, I am wondering now if he assigned young teen boys to fuck his mom. Of course I'm thinking that it's very possible. But I don't know for sure because a lot of the records of exactly who fuck two in this group were eventually burned by by his descendants, once they became a silver, Titan business, because this all embarrassed a shit out of them. Interestingly, the practice of male conners did seem to work pretty well as far as birth control went. From 1848 to 1868, when records were taken of this,

only some 40 kids were born in the community of about 250 people on average. Seems all those births were planned, so they clinked. After 1868, there just no records of how many kids were born during that last 10-year stretch. Another odd sexual teaching practice along these same lines was called ascending fellowship. This one equally creepy. That last one.

A ascending fellowship was noise's process of introducing female virgins in the complex marriage. He justified this practice in a few ways. One was to prevent young members from falling in love with one another and from limiting their range of affection to just the younger members. Right? Because you get a member. He's doing all of this stuff for them and for God. The males, you know, picked, you know, the to care for female virgins, or yeah, the males, I'm excuse me, the males who were picked to, you know, introduce female virgins virgin to sex were the men noise considered to be closest to God. These people were of course, mostly himself.

And then also his older male friends called central members by the group. So typical. Once again, older male, cult leader, twist religious teachings around until he is supposed to fuck young women and girls. It's what God wants. If he can't have Abigail, he will drown his tears in young poos. Typically in this system of ascending fellowship, an elder male member would pick any female version

of his choice. And due to her lower order in terms of some complex leadership hierarchy they had, she was compelled to accept. So much to so fucked up, so much social pressure for her to accept. If she does not, literally everyone she knows does matter her. And they think she is going against God's literal will.

Cult, cult, cult. Noise justified this practice by saying that only he and a few other men had the skills and self control, right? Did control. Necessary to participate in sexual intercourse with young women of this community. Again, he's doing this for the kids. He's teaching young teen girls how to have sex and he will do this up until his mid 60s

for the good of the community. He's pumping away, maybe not coming, probably lying about coming in order to make everyone immortal. Thank you, John Humphrey Noise, for your immense sacrifice. And the reverse young man and older women, men also still did the choosing.

So all the women in this group are being selected by the dudes, ages 14 and up for, you know, constant fucking. According to noise, sexual intercourse was communal, it was based on consent, and all sexual unions documented and regulated at one point they had fucking log books, I guess, of all this kind of stuff. Sexual intercourse was spiritual, the parent of man and woman for sexual intercourse, the community had to be approved by a committee, although somehow most of the female is the

community, always seemed to end up reserved for noise. Weird. Also the sex committee, almost always, if not always, you know, dudes. And only dudes. Noise did believe that women had the right to choose if and when to bear a child though,

which was not a common belief at the time. So, you know, John was a sexual predator and a feminist, which is a tough combo to pull off. The fourth major teaching practice there was called Mutual Criticism. This is that a law in school, should I mention. Mutual Criticism established to assure the integrity of the community by conformity

to noise morality. This was how it worked. A member under communal control would go before either committee or the whole community. They would then criticize the person, focusing on the members' bad traits, what the community thought was holding them back from contributing more positively to group culture. However, noise himself never went through this because he felt that a group should not criticize their leader. Otherwise, he totally would

because he thinks it's great. He totally would. Uh, in addition to weird rules about sex and policy of verbally abusing one another, there were also a lot of regulations. There were, uh, 21 standing committees by the end, 48 administrative departments, covered every conceivable activity and interest from hair cutting and dentistry to education to silk manufacturing. One super sad rule they had there was regarding child care. At the age of 18 months, mothers would have to give up raising their toddlers and the kids would basically raise an orphanage within the community. They would know who the real parents were, but not get to live with them.

They got to live in the same building, but not with them, not raised by them. Parents had to watch some compound nanny discipline their kids. Super fucked up. Lots of tears. I'm sure with that one. Okay. Now that we have a little lay of the landed on it, let's look closer to life of one of the members.

Tisra Miller to add a personal touch to all this. Because a lot of the United communities records were destroyed, it wasn't until the publication of a young woman's diary entries in 1993, Tisra Miller, Nois's niece, that the full scope of the sexual situation at a really came into public view. These diary entries published as a memoir, titled, Desire and Duty at a Nida,

written between 1867 and 1879, and Tisra was between the ages of 23 and 36. She was born September 13th, 1843, back in Putney, Vermont. Her mom, Charlotte, the youngest sister of John Noise, no founder of the community, she was John Humphreys, Nice, and his lover. She would have an interesting life, to say the least.

She grew up in the United Community, moved there when she was five. Her family was into that shit back in Vermont since before she was born, so she grew up accepting their beliefs completely. And this is how she described her childhood, or a little moment of it. I was born September 13th, 1843 in Putney Vermont.

My mother was a younger sister of John Noyes, the founder of the United Community. Mr. Noyes converted his two younger sisters and brother to his own peculiar views of religious and social life, and then having to range their marriages with persons of similar views, he entered into cooperation with them, having common ownership of this world's goods and forming themselves into one large family with himself as the head. So let's interesting that he also arranged marriages, you know, two before this. Not sure of noise, uh, fucked his sisters in O'Nighted, but he might have, he did as you'll see, he have no problem, you know, two before this. Not sure of noise, fucked his sisters in a night up, but he might have, he did as you'll see,

have no problem, you know, fuck his niece, incest apparently did not interfere with the Jesus penis immortality electricity situation. Disrupt continues, my first recollection of Mr. Noise is when I was three years old. There was lounge in the sitting room, all around the edge of which were pretty silk tassels of variegated colors.

One day, one of these tassels was cut off and someone accused me of doing it. I did not do it, and of course, my denial must have been called in question. For my next remembrance is a bean perched on Mr. Noise's knee while he, with his arms folded, regarded me with the searching glance and told me to look him in the eye and tell him the truth.

This is my first experience of fear of a human, being and a fear of a human being and the kind of tear sees me. But I do not recall any punishment and the matter was soon passed by and forgotten by everyone but me. I remember Mr. Noise afterwards as being very kind and gentle to the children. It's so creepy that he will later have so much sex, you know, with her and other children he interacted with when they were very little. Once he was reminded of the age of 14, she was considered magnetic, which meant, you know, she was considered to be attractive to community men and meant her vagina was now an excellent conductor

of Jesus penis electricity. 14, that's so young. This is so fucked up, obviously. Although it's never written any records, at least not ones we still have, it is very likely that her uncle, John, 32 years her senior, initiated her into his system of complex marriage.

They were lovers and confidence all the way up until noise would leave Onida in 1879 when he was 68 and she was 36. Even though Tisbert grew up in an Etonita and was indoctrinated into this bullshit, she still found their practices confusing, probably because they were confusing because they were ridiculous. For example, in a diary entry from April of 1869, Tisra recounted a conversation with noise where she told him that she had slept with men without any appetite and a great deal lately. Noise replied that she must follow her own attractions. This is so confusing because if she did that, she'd probably pick the guy she liked the most and

just fuck him, but then that would also be against, you know, noise as teachings. Tisra was greatly relieved when noise told her this writing that she said, I have been in a kind of duty doing spirit with folks for whom I had no attraction. I have felt that it was a great expense to me, but I didn't know what to do. And I thought I was doing my duty. I'd hardly dared to hope I need to do nothing in this line, but felt an attraction for. For Tisra, it probably was the case for many other community members. It was impossible to separate her own desires from the duty to the community and from noise's various

mandates. Because he built all these rules that his own twisted desire to have sex with Abigail Merwin, you know, and probably just mental illness, the system, you know, I'm sure it was just confusing for everyone. Follow your attractions, but don't just have sex with the person you're attracted to. And then when you do have sex, don't let the guy finish. Unless the committee has assigned him to you for the braiding, but follow your desires, but don't just have sex, don't come. Just go for a while until how long would they have sex for? By the way, until the guys whose blue balls fell like they were going to fucking pop.

And he's like, I can't take it anymore, it's enough. Anyway, don't you want, whatever you wanna do is perfect because it's your well, God made it, but don't follow your well. If it interferes with the whales that I've described and the compound rules, just don't, if Chizra would have had her choice. She would have only pursued another member named James Herrick.

One day she wrote, while wearing a white dress that was his favorite, he calls me his little bride in it. She said, to run Herrick, we're caught during a rainstorm in the community business office getting it on. Hey, Elizabeth Fena. She said there was a wonderful glow and ache between us. We seemed all of flame. We hurried to the house

and then he wanted me to come into his room, X to see fucking in the business office. Then fucking in the house. Passionately, there's no way he didn't come during those encounters. Sounds so sad that they just weren't encouraged to be together. On 1868, Tizzar wrote about sleeping with another uncle. I don't know why, this is the first uncle.

I'll go join. Sleeping with Mr. Noise the other night, he said there was an immense difference in women in regard to power to please sexually. Why is there, said I? Yes, he answered. There is as much difference between men and respect to ability to make social music as there is between a grand piano and a 10 penny whistle. What the fuck?

Then applying his remarks personally, he said, I always expect something sublime when I sleep with you. It was a real horn dog and a very, you know, selfish lover apparently. Whether it is better at it, right? You suck and you're a fucker with the energy. I mean, guys, we'd love to, we'd love to,

but all we can do is just kind of lay there and let you do the work. And I don't know what the hell's going on here. April, 1868, Tidler references fucking to brother Uncle now. John's brother, George. She says, Uncle George has come and gone. Strange talk with him. We never talked so freely. He thought I troubled him, son. Bewitched him. We had it back and forth in lively style for a while. Okay. Then our talk was very satisfactory. We are no longer lovers. Anyway, I don't think I will trouble him in the least. I told him just what I owed to my acquaintance with him.

He did meet two. I don't know exactly what he's talking about there, other than, you know, it's just excellent. And in 1869, entry, Tisper talked about receiving that community criticism. It seemed as though there was no action in my heart. Thursday the 19th, theodore criticized me for not cooperating easily with him in regards to the paper for having the spirit of diotrephasis in regard to it and for making Mary

stand in terror of me. And Harriet was there, said Theodore, she is full of diotrephian spirit lately. I don't see how it got into her. And Harriet said, I do, it is natural to her. That is where she is just like me. That spirit has always been natural to me. Diotrephian is not a real word, by the do, it is natural to her. That is where she is just like me. That spirit has always been natural to me. Dietreffing is not a real word, by the way. It seems to be a reference to the biblical character of dietreffees. A man mentioned only once in the book of 3rd John, this dude was said to be ambitious, proud, disrespectful of apolistic, or apolistic.

God dang it. It's apostles. When you put it in that form, I was forget. Apostolic, apostolic. I think, Apostolic. There we go, authority, rebellious, and more than anything inhospitable. He tried to hinder those desiring to show hospitality to the brothers

and to expel these from the congregation. So I just assumed that Tisrael was being criticized for not being, you know, hospitable, for being inhospitable to fellow member Mary. Now, she then wrote, I felt very thankful for the criticism. It softened my heart and did me good in many ways. I'm glad her and Mary Bear, you know, worked at their kerfluffle. April 6, 1869, she talks again about being criticized. This time right after sex, writing, slept with John Humphrey noise, I dreaded to go, because I knew he must

discover my un-magnetic condition. He did fast enough. In the night he said, but you like some criticism? Yes, I should very much. Well, there is no disguising the fact that you don't attract me. YOUCH! You impress me with the feeling that your sexual nature has been abused by your entry into sexual intercourse without appetite. Spirits of men which are indigestible to you have come between you and me. It is true that I have slept with men without any appetite, she said, and a great deal lately. But why do you, yes?

I thought you promised me once you wouldn't. What the fuck is going on in this madhouse? It sounds like he's mad at her for sleep with other dudes, but if she won't do that, he'll be mad at her for not sharing her electricity. Tidler also wrote about being chosen by noise to start a sort of a eugenics experiment. Begin in an 1869, noise develops his idea to start selectively breeding community members so that their holiness would be imprinted on their babies on a cellular level. Science meets sacks. That's fucking science. He went back to the chalkboard. Right? He wrote some more numbers. He drew some more dicks and stuff to get it all right.

Right? People with more Jesus-magged to get it all right. People with more Jesus-magnet immortality energy, glow stuff, create babies with more Jesus bolts in them. If two parents are both supercharged, baby then has an immortality hemi burning inside of them. Noise stop basically that if red-right, new members would have more Jesus-mortality inside of them than anyone else, like a V8, immortality energy wane, and Lady Wane instead of like a four-cylinder God-energy genital or something. of them that anyone else had like a V8 immortality energy wane and lady wane instead of like a four cylinder god energy general or something. Titus first child George walling to noise was

fathered by her uncle George noise you know born in 1870 cool cool princess babies you know get to have new and improved god energy motors then she gives birth to Hayden Inzley fathered by member Edward Inzley in 1874 and then finally she gives birth to Hilda Herrick, fathered by the guy she actually liked the whole time, James Herrick, born in 1878. And then the community breaks up and she marries James, right. And then they have another kid, Winifred Herrick, born in 1881. Tisrael died and she'll been with him the whole time. Tisrael died in 1902, buried in the United Community Cemetery in United New York.

Now her and James stuck around after the group, love compound closed down and made some of that silverware money, before she passed. Back to the timeline for just a moment now, 1860, Charles Julius Gito joins the United Community. He will go on to become their most infamous member for a reason that has nothing to do with being part of this weird sex cult. Gonna detour into one more member's life and I think it's worth it.

Charles Julius Gito, born on September 8, 1841 in freeport Illinois, the fourth of six children of Luther, Wilson Gito and Jane Howe. Jane has suffered from psychosis for much of her life, mental condition involving a loss of contact with reality and difficulty with social interaction. And as Charles grew older, it appeared that he might have inherited some of his mother's mental illness. Jane died when Charles was only seven, then Luther Gato remarried, although he always tried

to please his father, Charles, uh, set a somewhat, with somewhat awkward, would often stammer, leading to painful beatings when he was unable to pronounce the word correctly or without a stutter. And additional Luther would physically punish his son over what he perceived to be religious shortcomings. This Luther guy making me feel like one of the best fathers ever. I have made plenty of parental mistakes, but I have never been my kids for not speaking correctly. As a youth Charles Gato worked for his father, who was a businessman, later elected County Clerk, and then employed as a cashier in freeports second national bank. Lulitha Gato, very much again sending his son to college, however, in 1859, in inheritance from his maternal grandfather provided Charles,

with the means to attend the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor. But if Charles had been unhappy at home, more unhappy at school. For solace and direction, he turned to the religious doctrines of John Humphrey noise. Fuck yeah, bro, they connect. Within a few months, he decided that his future was not at school, it was at the United Community. However, as enthusiastic as Gatot was about the prospect of practicing complex marriage, let's get it on! He found his options limited once he got there. Many of the young women not interested in him at all as a partner.

That's got to sting. He was also not very enthusiastic about the idea of communism in general. Everyone was expected to help out with the most menial of tasks at the commune. Githel actually wrote noise, a note, after he'd been living in a no-nighter for a little while, explaining that he was sent there by God to help him. And therefore, he should not be expected to do any work that he personally found objectionable. That's fucking awesome. I bet noise did not care for that. Hey, that's my game.

I'm the only one here who gets to claim crazy self-serving shit that I say is actually prophecies from God. How dare you try and beat me in my own game? During many of the group criticism sessions, Gitao would repeatedly, was repeatedly called an egotist, accused of being conceded, feeling disrespected, disrespected and insulted. He left the commune April 3rd, 1865, then settles in Hoboken, New Jersey. Attempts to start a paper there called the Daily Feelcret. And it doesn't last long because it sucks. On July 20th, 1865, he wants to come back.

He applies to reenter Onida and accept him again. Seems like they're admission standards, pretty fucking low. Not long after his return, he starts complaining about the inability of others to see his true genius. Also, still nobody wants to fuck him. And since he's not part of noise's inner circle of dick control wizards,

noise doesn't mandate anyone to fuck him. That must have hurt his ego, you know? You have to have had been especially unfuckable. I feel like not to get laid no night out. He should have fled out west, tried to track down those battle actors. You know, he gets to get some action with those dirty pawn fuckers. A year later, he leaves a night of for good, sneaking out in the middle of the night. He could have just, you know, walked gets to get some action with those dirty pawn fuckers. A year later, he leaves a night of for goods sneaking out in the middle of the night.

He could have just, you know, walked out in broad daylight, no, he was keeping him there, but he had a flare of the dramatic. And he was legitimately insane. By August of 1867, he has, he's run out of money. He calls up his brother-in-law, George Scoville, who's a lawyer. George offers Charles a job in his law office in Chicago, as well as a place to live. After a few months, Charles quits his position, returns to New York, to work for a newspaper called the Independent.

But he doesn't like it, and he quits. And now he decides to sue Onida, on the charge of withholding compensation for work he did there. Apparently, he forgot, you know, one of the main principles of communism is not getting paid for your labor. Several months, Gato sends threatening letters to noise that amounts to blackmail, a night of lawyers right back and threatened to prosecute him for extortion, use his letters against him, then he's like, ah, JK, I was kidding around, I'll stop.

He moves back to Chicago where this highly unstable man manages to pass Illinois bar and set up a small private law office. That's cool. 1869, he marries Annie Bunn, a librarian to the local YMCA. It's not a happy marriage because he's crazy. His business is disorganized and failing. He's also abusive. Reportedly, he'll will do shit like lock her in a closet for all night, stuff like that. It's not like he's severely bipolar. So sad they just couldn't help medicate people with that illness back then. In 1874, his wife divorces him. After she discovers he's visited a prostitute shortly after they

had moved back to New York. Then the following year, or he moves back to New York, you know, it might have been her first time. Then the following year, Goutose behavior becomes more bizarre after failing to obtain the fund money for another newspaper venture, move his backing with his brother-in-law. Then one day his sister, Francis reports that, you know, he went out to chop wood and when she's walking past him, he suddenly raises his axe at her in a threatening manner. She runs to the local doctor, who then comes back, examines her brother, and declares

that he should be institutionalized. He doesn't want to be, so he runs away. He flees, and becomes a minister for three years. Plot twist! From 1877 to 1880, Gato works as an inherent preacher, writing and disseminating his own sermons, and then turns to politics, if you're seriously mentally unstable, maybe your best bet for steady work is religion or politics. Homeboy is a big Ulysses S. Grant fan and he sets out for New York again to offer his services to the National Republican Committee. He writes a speech

supporting Grant called Grant against Hancock, a wind-filled Hancock, the Democratic nominee, and no one cares. Then when James Garfield is nominated, Gertot decides he likes him more than he liked Grant, so he basically crosses out Grant's name in the speech and pencils in Garfield's name, seriously. Then he delivers this speech to an audience of probably almost fucking no one. No one important heard it, maybe some people will try to ignore him on a busy street corner some.

Then he gets copies of the speech printed, passed them around to members of the Republican National Committee, who I imagine throw them in the trash without reading them. When James Garfield wins the elections, this guy's a nut. Gatou actually thinks Garfield had him to thank the most. He thinks his speech won the election for him. So he packs up, is that ever talking to anybody at the White House, moves Washington DC, expecting government job to come his way any day now from a man who has never heard of him. Gatou now wants to use the DC. he writes the presiding secretary of state William Everts

stating he would like to be pointed to a very important position once president elect Garfield you know enters the White House. And what position did he want he wants to be awarded the position of consul to Austria as a personal tribute for his campaign efforts. Which you know apparently we're like so minimal. But then before anybody wrote back he writes writes another letter, he changes mind. He decides, you know what, Paris is gonna be a better fit for me.

Yes, give me Paris, I'm very important. Then after moving into a Washington boarding house, on March 10th, 1881, a good tell randomly shows up with a White House, asking to see the president back when you could do that shit. And in a move that definitely would not happen again today, he gets to meet the president. He actually gets to enter the executive office,

hands the president a copy of his Garfield against Hancock pamphlets. I like to actually picture it with actual a name of Grant crossed out and then Garfield. And also he wrote the words, Paris Consulship on the front. Like, that's what I want in exchange for this. After declaring that he was an applicant for the position,

he takes a seat while the president starts to quietly read the document, probably nervously, what's this guy doing here and then several minutes later he does inexplicably gets up and fucking leaps without speaking another word just walks the fuck out on the president who agreed to meet him next day he writes the new secretary of state James Blaine claiming that he had spoken to Garfield and the president had said which he didn't endorsement would help as it was in your department he informed Blaine that his speech got Garfield,

that's what fucking got in the presence, he was my speech. And now he just keeps writing Blaine over and over, you know, every few days, sometimes multiple times in a day, more nonsense, for some reason, the secret service, which did exist back then, does not have him quietly killed like they probably should have. A good toe next shows up at a White House reception, or soon shows up at a White House reception,

introduces himself to the Cresha Garfield, President president's wife tells her he's one of the men that made mr garfield president and i bet his eyes weren't crazy at all when he said that also approach indian as senator benjamin harrison who would later become the 23rd president asim if uh... you know harrison could intervene on his behalf to get him this job harrison politely declines probably is like keep an eye on this guy to see your service. At the end of March, Gatoe makes a personal visit to blame at the State Department, hands a secretary, he's fucking stupid speech again. Finally, on May 14th, Secretary Blaine's had enough, never speak to me again on the subject of Paris. He snaps when Gatoe asks if there's anything new to report. And Gatoe gets mad,

and says, I'm going to see the president about this. And they're like, no, you're not. Gatou, her, he's back to his boarding house quickly, dashes off a letter to the president, telling him about Blaine's behavior. I'm sure they threw in the trash. Well, I actually didn't because they's documented. He wrote that he had previously considered Blaine a friend, was therefore confused. Nine days later, he writes to Garfield again with the demand that Blaine be dismissed. Or otherwise, you and the Republican party will come to grief. Now the secret service should have definitely had him quietly killed. I mean, come on. Then forms the president that he will be stopping by the following day.

The president's private secretary, you know, however, had already issued orders to the White House usheres to make sure he is never fucking let him to the White House again. For the next few weeks, now, good to praise for divine guidance about what to do. And his prayers are answered. God tells him he has to kill the president In order to restore peace between various factions in their republican party, right? Please God just tell me it's not what to do Now I'm sure this I'm sure this happened kill him Charles kill the president for not getting back to you about Paris I mean you gave him the presidency with your awesome speech

Before killing the president Githoe also decides to publish religious manuscript. Why not? The book he wrote was called The Truth, the Companion of the Bible, which was actually not a book he wrote. It was a plagiarized book of John Humphrey Noise writings. Great minds think alike.

He orders thousand copies printed, then attempts to sell them on the streets of Boston, but no one fucking wants them. So he snaps, you know, a little further. He turns the watch in by his gun and on July 2, 1821, Gerald's geto shoots president Garfield twice, shoots him once in the arm, then fatally in the back. As the president was about to depart from the Baltimore and a Potomac railroad station.

The president would die from his wounds 11 weeks later, slow death from these wounds, seeing the president off the morning he died with secretary of war, Robert Todd Lincoln, son of assassination victim Abraham Lincoln. As Garfield lay on the ground bleeding after being shot, Gato headed toward the exit on 6th Street. He promptly arrested. His trial would begin November 14th, 181, would end May 22nd, 1882. And around his trial, he exhibited bizarre behavior that gave credence to the defense team's contention that, you know, he's crazy. He cursed and insulted everyone in the courtroom, including his own attorney,

who happened to be a citrus husband at George Skolville again, also the judge himself, at times even passed notes to spectators in the courtroom asking for their advice. On how to proceed, that's so funny to me. I imagine being in court sitting behind some murder, right? And then he just turns and passes you a note and you open up and just says, what do you, what do you think I should do? What do you do? Charles was found guilty on January 25th, 1882,

then called the jury low, consummate Jack Asses, said that God will avenge his outrage, proclaimed the judge, I am not guilty of the charge, set forth in the indictment, it was God's act and not mine, God will take care of it. And God, I don't know, I guess took care of it. Charles was hanged at the District of Columbia Jail two days before the first anniversary of

the assassination. And that dude was accepted not once but twice into the O'Nightedah community. Hope you found that detour interesting and worthwhile. All right, now back to the main timeline. June 1879, one of noise's most loyal followers alerts him that he's about to be arrested for statutory rape, right? About to get in trouble again. So in the middle of the night, he flees again.

He knows he's guilty and he takes off for Ontario, Canada. In August, he writes back to the United group, stating that it was time to abandon the practice of complex marriage and live in a more traditional manner. He knew if he didn't, more charges against other group members were coming. And the whole thing would get shut down weird. How sudden fear of incarceration completely and immediately changed God's plans for humanity. Then the United Community Formally dissolves and converts to a joint stock company January 1st 1881. One of the earliest joint stock companies in the US members of the former United Community now all become shareholders of what is going

to is quickly become a very valuable corporation. It will go on to become very wealthy, making a lot of silver money. All that group sex did not lead immortality, but it did lead to a nice fat IPO. How fucking weird. More on their cutlery in a bit. Noise would never return to the US, but he did retain a powerful influence over many of his followers. Some even left on ita to come to Niagara Falls area. Not sure if he kept sleep with them, but I'm a guess, yeah, he did. Probably did.

to come to the Niagara Falls area. Not sure if he kept sleep with him, but I'm gonna guess, yeah, he did. Probably did. John Humphrey noise then dies. Just few years later, Niagara Falls, on Ontario, April 13th, 1886 at the age of 74. How did he die? Well, the rumor is, that after 40 years of so much sex,

but not coming when you finally ejaculated, your blue top is dick off, and he, uh, and he blood out. Uh, for real though, how did he die? You passed away quietly in his sleep. Uh, his body was returned to Anaita, buried in the United Community Cemetery with those of many of his followers where it remains today. Dude never pulled off as Jesus energy dick wizard immortality experiment.

I wonder where the spirit is up to now, right? His spirit, if it exists. Hopefully has not been able to track down the spirit of Abigail Merwin, if it has holy shit, if she get in Ghostfuck right now. Ah, her poor Ghostpus must be so sore. For the next few decades, the joint stock company kept selling all kinds of things. Teal traps, silk clothes,

canned vegetables, leather handbags, et cetera. Right, and the people running things, still crazy, early heads of the community, still believed in versions of noises, perfectionism, still likely dabbled in polyamory and claimed to be visited by the spirit of noise, who helped them lead the company. That's cool. Finally, in 1899, the United Community starts a production of silver plated flatware and

hollowware using the community plate mark. And they started focusing more on a more flatware going forward. The animal trap business is sold in 1912. Silk business, get rid of it in 1916, canning business, they got rid of that in 1915. 1929, O'Neil to start a producing is somewhat lower quality line of products. In addition to their expansive shit,

sales go even better. 1935, O'Neil to change his name to O'Neil to limited. And the company becomes one of the largest producers of flower in the entire world for most of the 20th century. In 1950, the last original member of the United community, Ella Florence Underwood dies at the age of 101, Kentwood, New York, and I'm sure left a huge silver in money inheritance

who are descendants. By the 1980s, O knight of made at least half of all flatware purchase in the US. Most of you listening right now have undoubtedly eaten something using a knight of cutlery, possibly today. And one of my favorite piece of trivia from this, you know the term spooning? I'm sure you know the term spooning, pretty common.

The term spooning as in lane behind someone, each of you on your side facing the same direction, crotch against, but that comes from Onida. When people found out about their, you know, wild sexual past, sex mixed with silverware in the term spooning was born. And not, of course, to, you know, slow sex due to that history of not coming and all that. I did not know that. Did you know that? Did you believe that even for a second? Because it's not true. If you did, on to tell my wife, Lindsay, the queen of the suck is going to be very happy. When I told her about this crazy story over lunch the other day, she said that I should tell that story.

She wanted to see if anybody would fall for it. She'll be so happy if you did. A few decades ago, cheap silverware, being readily available, begins to cripple a night as business model. A nighta limited goes bankrupt in 2006, sold to a multinational company it remains today as the company on nighta a silver company that claims to aim for perfection like the community created hope it hopefully less fourteen year old fucking

and uh... with that let's hop out of this time suck timeline good job soldier made it back. Barely. The Onida community, what another wild, cult tale.

Before I recap and share some thoughts, how about one more sponsor? I think you're going to like this one. Today's time's up. It is brought to you by the world's soon-to-be number one phone sex hotline 1900 Pond fuck. Call one of our sexy-minute ladies who are waiting right now. Out behind the barn. Down that muddy hill.

Naked. Filthy. F**king each other's brains out in a nasty ass pond. Are they gonna let me be in it and chicken and cow shit? Keep them from plug at every dirty hole? Hell no. Is that pond filled with leeches and tadpoles and stuff? Yup.

They're invited too. Everyone and everything can come to the pond fuck. It's a car 1-900 pond fuck, if it's just $3.99 a minute. You can swim on in. Pond fuck. It's a car 100 pound fuck, if it's just $3.99 a minute. You can swim on in. Is that some pond push, you're feeling down in that dark, dirty water? Or is that a muskrat? Who cares?

Muskrat's need love too. Everyone gets love in the fuck pond. No clothes, no cares, lots of frogs. Quite a bit of bacteria. Maybe some dysentery. Definitely a lot of buds in front buds and titties, lady titties, man titties. Maybe some goat cow and dog titties. No one gets denied in the fuck pond.

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It's great, makes me feel good. Now I feel ready, now I feel recharged to recap. Founded by John Humphrey Noise, after his first experiment, the Putty community was driven out of Vermont in 1848, the United community existed for three decades with up to just over 300 members at its height. Members spun silk, canned fruits, and vegetables,

made animal traps, got yelled at by each other, fuck each other to create enough god, energy to become immortal and more. Well, to try to become immortal didn't quite work. Led by noise, they aimed for perfection and idea noise became obsessed with while studying at the theological seminarian Yale. And eventually getting his preaching license revoked

or his claim that he was literally perfect entirely without sin. After noise fled to Canada many years, later following a tip that he'd be arrested for statutory rape, the community he founded dissolved, formerly becoming a joint stock corporation in 1881, then transitioning into a silverware company by the end of the 19th century, becoming America's biggest silverware manufacturer,

one of the largest flatware producers in the world by the end of the 20th century, such a fascinating piece of history. And I would have never heard about it, if not for the show. Once again, I am so fascinated by how wild some people's lives have been. I once again, I wonder what similar cult might be lurking somewhere around me right now.

There's a huge property. About a mile from me up on this mountain, not far from the Stock Dungeon. I checked out Google satellite photos of it while back it's massive. Several large buildings that could be for sure compounds. Large high fence surrounds it. A fence You can't see through a big security gate at the entrance the grounds You know

Apparently from the satellite photos I was able to see seem kind of manicured like a little mini golf course there It's all kinds of stuff now. I have no idea what goes on there There's probably a property like that somewhere near you some secret offense in place. Maybe some place people whisper about I definitely see people around this area from time to time adults pilot out of a van all dressed alike like a property like that somewhere near you. Some secret offense in place. Maybe some place people whisper about. I definitely see people around this area from time to time, adults piling out of a van, all dressed alike, like they fucking time traveled here from 19th century, for example.

And I don't know what they're about, right? I don't know what's going on. Are they living on a compound? Are they, you know, asked to fuck each other to create Jesus immortality juice? With conspiracy culture on the rise right now, probably not gonna go away anytime soon. There has to be a new wave of so many crazy cults coming, right?

There's around 8 billion meat sex on Earth's right now. How many of them are doing shit just as weird as John Humphrey noise and his followers were doing over 150 years ago? Well, I guess less than 150 years ago by the very end. 10,000, 100,000 millions, I feel terrible for the people who get sucked into this shit, you know, when they're super young or super desperate, they're maybe born into it, just born gullible,

but the story's produced by this stuff. Oh God, man, did they make life more interesting. Stay curious, meat sacks. Stay interested in all the wild wacky shit that goes on around you every damn day. We can't stop all this stuff from happening, so we might as well enjoy learning about it when it does. Let's revisit what fascinating stuff we learned today in today's Top 5 takeaways.

Time suck, top 5 takeaways! Number one, the United Community was potentially the most successful utopian socials project in the US ever. Last from 1848 to 1879, hundreds of members living working fucking on the upstate New York farm slash compound. Number two, John Humphrey noise had a lot of interesting views to say the least after chasing after a woman who didn't want him. He developed an idea that she was still his spiritual bride and then he developed, you know, the idea of a complex marriage, meaning all men were married to all women. One way or another, right, in life or in death, most of today's insanity was developed out of John's desire to fuck poor Abigail Merwin.

Number three, the United Community was briefly the home of Charles Gito, who would later go on to attempt to sue them for unpaid labor, apparently forgetting that that was the whole idea of utopian socialism. Then Gito would convince himself that he was a reason James Garfield got reelected or got elected to the presidency Excuse me then he'd badger members of Garfield staff for months before shooting the president at a train station And this now was admitted to the United Community not once but twice which further illustrates how crazy this place was Number four just don't come

Noise taught followers of practice of male condense a fancy term for not ejaculating Because the most important function of sex was not dev kids. It was to create some kind of magnetic Jesus-Jews power conductor that would energize the human race into immortality. And wasting your count was wasting some of that energy. Number five, new info. Today, the legacy that's called Lives On in the O'Nighted Community Mansion House, where guests can stay overnight and visit the museum.

A few descendants of the original community still live today in this mansion. We're so much weird fucking group criticism and weird dick control training and stuff went on. Many of the followers of John Humphrey noise buried in the United Cemetery. Next to the mansion, the old cult compound, now a museum, has permanent residence apartments, and is a bed and breakfast. You can stay for the night or for the rest of your life. Where all this weird shit went down. You can go to o9acommunity.org. If you want to book your stay and please do not tell them, I've sent you because I

do not want them to hear this podcast and write me a bunch of hateful shit. And that's all for these top five takeaway. The O9acommunity cult has been sucked. Thank you to the Bad Magic Productions team for all their help and making time suck every week. Thank you to Sophie Evans, the fact source for doing a great job with initial research on this one. Thanks to Queen of Bad Magic, Lindsey Cummins, for giving me the time to do a lot of additional

research and record it. Thanks to Joe Pezi for production, Reverend Doctor, making it sound so good in here. I'm liking it more and more of this new little revamp. Thanks to you for continuing to rate and review and spread the sucked to new members by to the Enchantress Hernandez, who also runs our Coal Security Facebook to private Facebook page, along with their wonderful all-seeing eyes moderators. Thank you, Liz. Thanks to beef steak and his mod squad, keeping all those meat sex happy over on Discord. Next week, it is Celtic mythology. The spacers have spoken, voted to add to our collection of mythological sucks from around the globe.

This time, we're going to head to Ireland and five other Celtic nations to suck on some crazy escots, monsters, fairies, Lepricons. Here's some very unique folk tales. Head to the Emerald Isle to learn about the possible origins of the Celtic people, but a history about Ireland, it's ancient language, and about some interesting mythological heroes and characters like one, a Fiegan or Finn McCool. Mr McCool, great hero name. I'll also look at how the Celtic storyteller tradition

translated into some of the most groundbreaking and influential writers the last few hundred years. Ireland's beautiful little island with only a few million people pumped out a lot of the literary world's biggest names. James Joyce, Oscar Wilde, C.S. Lewis, Brahm Stoker, Samuel Beckett, and more. Join us next week as we suck the shit out of the weird shit that Celtic people have been saying to each other for hundreds and hundreds of years. Now let's head on over to this week's Time Sucker Updates. Start some laughs. Managing meat sack James E Ebby got commons lot.

He writes, God damn it, you mother of all fucking suckers. I've gone for such a long time without any issues. I've been super careful because I heard during all the updates, all the times people got commons lot. I was told myself that wouldn't happen to me. I was so careful to always be aware of my surroundings and I had OCD levels of making sure that if my Bluetooth fails,

I would not result in anyone around me hearing it. We're still trying to get caught up on the backlog and now looking for sympathy. Excuse me, but recently, the family and I had been having really hard last six months. It's caused me to be less careful, I guess, because it happened to me. I was listing and your first Whipple ad started. I was supposed to be waiting for 15 more minutes in a curbside pickup spot. I was laughing so hard that my eyes closed. I was having actual tears fall.

When I opened my eyes again, there she was. The poor girl got to hear, fuck you, fuck your family, whip all! As I went super pale and fear, time seemed to stand still as I frantically tried to stop the suck from playing over the car stereo. She smiled, asked us, listen to, told her about time suck, warned her about it being a reverent humor,

which she got a good taste of thanks to me. And I guess you as well. Hopefully she tries out time stock, maybe becomes a space lizard as well. It's what I tell myself to make myself feel better. I hope that you're proud of what you've done. Thanks so much for all that you do and the Sucked Dungeons and Family do to keep our spirits up and add goodness to our lives. If you end up reading this out loud and are up to doing a shout out,

can you shout out to Kitchen Crew that I'm lucky to be the manager of, the People's Kitchen. They'll get it. Thanks, Ken Dan. All hail the People's Kitchen. Well, thank you, James, for sending such a sweet and funny message.

So glad you have a phone with all this wild content. And sorry, you and the fam have had some recent struggles. Hope work is good at whatever kind of fucking comedy bullshit restaurant. You know, you're working at people's kitchen. Sounds like a front for Chinese spots. I picture a mural of Mao Zedong on one of the walls or something. And now I'm Craven Orn's chicken.

I just had some from Chinatown restaurant here in CDA a few days ago. They've been around for a while. Didn't realize how good they are. My god, they're fucking excellent. New favorite Chinese restaurant spot. What am I talking about? Hail Nimrod James. Now a quick and funny prostitution update of sorts from surrounded by sex workers, sucker, Samantha Lewis. She writes, hello to the suck lore, just in case

you wanted to learn more about the brothels of Nevada, here I am. Not only is there one in Sparks, Nevada, there's four more in Mount House, Nevada, right outside of Carson City. I've lived here in Dayton, another small town. No one knows or cares about my entire 22 years of life. Not once if I thought about how weird it is to live next to brothels. That's probably just because I used to think that the bunny ranch was actually where bunnies were raised and sold. Don't judge my nine year old self too much.

Why I love your nine year old self-suffit, nothing. Another thing the original owner that owned several brothels in Nevada, Dennis Hoff, passed away in 2018. Honestly, the guy looked like he was probably a pent before that. Now, if you come down to the visit the bunny ranch and get your ween played with, you can also go buy an eighth and a gun at pretty much the same time. The three buildings are all within walking distance from each other. It's fantastic.

Anyways, have a fun ass 2022. Hopefully, I'll get to come see your ass at one of your shows this year. Samantha, weed, ween playing, guns. We'll go wrong with that trifecta. That sounds like a great Friday night. I hope to see you at a show and hope life is great in Dayton, so close Carson City, right? Yeah, you have plenty to do.

Don't blow all your money on gambling, maybe blow it at the money ranks instead. And now for a quick got-common's log twice in one day message, elderly lover, Heather Manley. She's not elderly, she just loves Deli. You'll see, dear master sucker, I'm a newish recruit to the suck and I started the beginning. So I just recently finished the Joan of Arc suck and I got double-dead while listing. I went through a drive-through for lunch while I

had the suck planned to my car. Well, I didn't pause and right as I went to pay an old man working, here's your clean, wean sponsor ad plane. Saying, if you want a clean penis, you can yell right through my car. Damn, I can never go back there again. That old man thinks I'm some kind of crazy perv. Then after work, I volunteer to drive an elderly client home.

She gets in my car and the suck automatically starts to play and here are you yelling, fucker! Right on my 87 year old passenger. Luckily, she laughed and said, don't worry sweetheart, I grew up in Brooklyn. Ah, double did. Thought you might enjoy this. Keep on sucking, scaring, making fun of dumb.

Love them all, Heather and Denver. Thank you, Heather. I'm so glad you haven't phone with all this. Until that Brooklyn hottie you were riding with, that I love her. She sounds fucking awesome. Right, and be more careful with the show going forward. Today's episode, oh, it could get in some real trouble.

Now for another sex worker updates, a real life loose of Fina wants to say anonymous rights, hey Dan, it's me again. I hear to tell you about another portion of my short but crazy life. I fell into financial hardship, briefly ended up as a sex worker, through a friend to a friend that I've been doing it

for about seven years. I've had past sexual trauma and despite the sexual healing I got from my ex-boyfriend, a fellow cold member and good friend, I overall had trouble being comfortable with sex. It was something I was hesitant to do, but was surprised. Depending on what they wanted, clients paid $200-$400 for an hour long session that often only took 15 minutes. I easily made $1,000 a day, barely gave up three hours of my time. There was no PIMP, I only did things I was comfortable with, only undressed to my level

of comfort, only saw the clients I wanted to with, only undressed to my level of comfort, only saw the clients I wanted to, and they all treated me like a goddess. Services ranged from just talking, to massage, to happy endings, or full service if I was okay with it. My first client became a regular, paid to give me a massage, I only ever felt uncomfortable once, and he left when I told him to, paid me, and was blacklisted. Contrary to the popular narrative, I felt like I was taking advantage of these rich men, not the other way around. I know people's experiences with sex work differ and there is a very dark side, but my experience was

surprisingly pleasant and I've had worse dates. My time as a sex worker actually made me feel like I got my power back. It gave me confidence and allowed me to be more open about sex with my current partner. I'm able to enjoy sex more than I ever have, and I never thought that would be a byproduct. So, if it's a long email, please leave my name out. If you read this on the podcast, Halo's Athena and Hail Bull Jangles. Well, I'm so glad to hear that you had such a positive experience. That's best case scenario, right?

I wish I could get someone to pay me, forgive me, massage. That's a fucking sweet ass Jedi mind trick. The topic of sex work, right, so multifaceted, so different for every person. Thanks for sharing your personal story and possibly probably making others more comfortable with whatever, you know, their similar story might be. Nimrod loves you. Thanks for taking the, you know, some more shame and stigma out of it out of that, you know,

area. And one more update from a super special sucker, Hayden Nelson. Hayden writes, how my name is Hayden Nelson. And you guys recently spoke to my parents in Loveland, Colorado, Steve and Tamra. Yeah, they're lovely. I'm the one that received the poster that you signed.

I was told they told you a little bit about me, but I wanted to write in, give you the whole story as to why this community means so much to me. I actually do apologize for the length of this email. I'm gonna be long, and I'm grateful if you take the time to this email. I'm gonna be long and I'm grateful if you take the time to read it. As a kid, I was diagnosed with severe ADHD and autism.

Due to this, I was a hyperactive maniac that did not understand social cues, which led to me being aggressively bullied. As I got older, I became more reserved, I became homeschooled, and stopped having friends. I spent time with my family focused on my academics. I also grew up in a Mormon community, St. George Utah, and was shunned by a large portion of the neighborhood when I left the church. I wanted to paint this picture because I never really felt like I had a group to belong to growing up outside of my family. When I turned 16, we moved to Loveland. I was now older and more mature and determined to find a place in the world. Rewinding a couple of years, I already knew about Dan because I had been listening to his comedy.

I listened to comedy constantly because I don't understand humor naturally and I had to learn what was funny. I didn't understand humor naturally. Through listening to Dan and others like him, I developed the fucked, the fucked dark sense humor I have today. Jump back to Colorado, me and my mom, what are you talking about weird color, weird humor. What, what weird humor? Try. uh me and my mom what are you talking about weird color weird humor what what we're humor come on get in the pond and fuck buddy uh

but anyway jumping back to Colorado me and my mom who showed me to dance county originally yeah mom's awesome are driving to go skiing we stumbled upon time suck and we were immediately intrigued and loved the first few episodes we listened to however my mom doesn't like some of the darker subjects and will not listen to any of the serial killers. I get it. On the other hand, listen to everything, and I had a job with a lot of free time. I quickly began binging episodes. I love learning. But what I liked, what I liked more was the community

that was forming around the podcast. People from all backgrounds who love to learn and had horrifying senses of humor, I had found my group. Around this time, I also developed generalized anxiety. I became very depressed. I struggled to stop thinking and calm down and time suck provided in escape from dark thoughts. I could tune in, learn the community, that even though I had never met anyone from I felt accepted by fast forward again. I'm 17. I'm moving to Salt Lake City with my mom so she can attend

the University Utah law school. Once again, I find myself in a new place with zero friends, but I still have time suck. Shortly after moving my mental health, I hit an all time low. One night as I was driving home from work, my anxiety was kicking my ass. As I listened to the end of the time suck, and as I was listening to an update, and as I was listening, an update came through from a meat sack offering words of encouragement to anyone struggling with their demons. I'm not ashamed to admit that I began to sob in my car. It was a message from the only group I had at the time. A couple weeks later, oh man, you get me. A couple weeks later, I got the acceptance letter to the University of Utah,

then COVID hit. I was 18, working at Best Buy, and because my mom was very immunocompromised, I had to move out. This came with his own set of worries, difficulties, but thanks to my family and the bad magic community I made it to the start of my first semester when a letter arrived in the mail informing me I was receiving a full ride for four years. It's fucking awesome By this time I also listened to is we dumb and scared of death religiously during my first year of college I struggled I was totally isolated overwhelmed financially responsible for myself Again, I was able to find solace in the bad magic community on discord, Facebook.

I'd find myself fist pump in the air as Dan Red time sucker updates. Now here I am 20 years old, having just finished my third semester, wanted to say thank you. Last night, I found a pond with some like-minded individuals. And we fucked in subtle night and not- Sorry, why did I do that? Thank you, badmatic. For being there any hour, I needed a break for my life. Thank you for all the hard work that everyone does to make these podcasts each week, because they mean more to some people than you can even imagine.

I know it's weird to care so much about a weekly podcast, hosted by people you've never met before, but the world's a weird fucking place, sure is. Choosing to miss your show in Loveland was one of the hardest decisions I've ever made, fuck calculus, and I hope I get to meet both of you in the future, but I wanted to at least make sure you knew how thankful I am to you and your team.

Bad magician and Bojangles chew toy Hayden. PSA for some reason, you read this novel on air, feel free to use my name. PPS, the day you killed Pooey and Ju-ju, you killed a piece of my soul. The best character's time sucks I've ever had, and you need to come back. Well Hayden, what a wonderful message,

and what a better real life story. Lindsay Bald, when she first read it, I clearly, you got a little allergies. A lot of pollen came into the studio, the part of that. You made the right choice, by the way, to give them my show. School more important, my stand-up any day. Good on you.

And Pudion, you do not dead. They're missing, currently. They're in the, you know what? They're in the pond. Do you need a, do you need a, Pudion? I feel like I'm standing? They're in the pond. Dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude! I feel like I'm standing in touch with my front butt. No, something's good. I'll find them.

I'll keep looking for them. I'm so glad you found a sense of community here, truly warm as my sometimes dark heart. And I'd like you, you know what? I'd like you to come live with my new compound. I've decided John always was right about everything and I need more energy fuckers, like I can count on so I can live forever.

But seriously though, I hope you thrive in school. I hope you can always return to these episodes when you need them. I hope you know that you're a beautiful soul and the universe fucking loves you. Your parents are both incredible. A good energy from both of them. You have good guides. And last thing, don't come. Ever. Don't ever come.

It fucks up your magnet energy. And you might get sick. You know, you might have flunk out of school if you come. I'm sorry, I'm confused about a lot of stuff, you know, after hearing today's episode. I love you, buddy. Hail Nimrod and that is all for today's time, sucker updates. Thanks, time, suckers. I need a net. We all did. Thank you again for listening to another Bad Magic Productions podcast, Meet Sacks. Go ahead and come this week as much as you want and keep on sucking. And magic productions.

Hey, Dan. Yeah, we're done recording. What are you doing there? I'm trying to save us and let us all live forever by creating magic Jesus energy. But what do you, but what is that you're putting your fingers in right there? It's obviously a pretend horse puts that I in British your accounts I'm kind of feeling the energy, but isn't there there's an asshole on that thing right? Oh There you go. That's how you get the energy up there you go, buddy