Timesuck with Dan Cummins - 282 - Attila the Hun: Evil or Slandered?

Episode Date: February 7, 2022

Attila the Hun! Does his name conjure up images of savagery in your mind? Of a bloodthirsty warrior-king who ruthlessly tortured and killed his enemies as he sacked city after city?  An especially barbaric man who stood out for violence in a time known for so much violence? OR - was he a man of his times? Was he no more or less violent than the Romans, whose historians wrote his story? And when they wrote his story, how much was truth and how much was hyperbole and slander? Today we look into 5th century CE Europe, when the Western Roman Empire is falling, when Attila and his Huns are sacking city after city. We try to separate fact from fiction, and get to know the real Attila, not the evil cartoon presented in clickbait articles and videos. The Bad Magic Charity of the month is SEO: Sponsors for Educational Opportunity. SEO's mission is to create a more equitable society by closing the opportunity gap for young people from historically excluded communities. To find out more, go to seo-use.orgWatch the Suck on YouTube: https://youtu.be/95AGdmpbw88Merch - https://badmagicmerch.com/  Discord! https://discord.gg/tqzH89vWant to join the Cult of the Curious private Facebook Group? Go directly to Facebook and search for "Cult of the Curious" in order to locate whatever happens to be our most current page :)For all merch related questions/problems: [e-mail] (copy and paste)Please rate and subscribe on iTunes and elsewhere and follow the suck on social media!! @timesuckpodcast on IG and http://www.facebook.com/timesuckpodcastWanna become a Space Lizard?  Click here: https://www.patreon.com/timesuckpodcastSign up through Patreon and for $5 a month you get to listen to the Secret Suck, which will drop Thursdays at Noon, PST. You'll also get 20% off of all regular Timesuck merch PLUS access to exclusive Space Lizard merch. You get to vote on two Monday topics each month via the app. And you get the download link for my new comedy album, Feel the Heat. Check the Patreon posts to find out how to download the new album and take advantage of other benefits.

Until of the Hun. It's hard to think of a historical figure who left a more brutal legacy, right? He was the worst. Wasn't he? Super evil? He was called the scourge of God by the Romans, and even today over 1500 years after his death, his name remains synonymous with brutality. You do a quick web browser search, and his name shows up on all kinds and nasty lists. The top 10 most ruthless leaders of all time. The 10 cruelest and most bloodthirsty rulers of all time. He shows up in numerous heavily watched videos. The most evil men in history. Most evil men.

Top 10 most evil kings in history. Most evil monarchs in the history of mankind. On and on. Ancient authors wrote of how much Rome and other ancient civilizations feared this barbaric devil. He was made to look literally devilish by ancient artists who depicted him with devil horns. He was consistently portrayed as the epitome of what ancient Romans thought of when they thought

of the barbarians, ugly, squat, fearsome, lethal, and battle, an angry, crude brute interested chiefly in looting, murder, and rape. One ancient account actually describes Attila and his men as not being human, but demons, demonic warriors born from hell to bring death to the Christians. Fear the Hun, Satan's soldiers. Century ago when the British wanted to emphasize how barbarous their opponents in the first World War truly were, how little they possessed in the way of honor, justice and fair play, they chose to call the Germans

Huns. But where the Huns actually that horrible, or horrible at all, were they any more less, or more barbaric than anyone else alive during their day, was until actually an evil dude, or was he the victim of one of the worst and longest lasting smear campaigns in all of human history. After seeing Attila's name pop up on list after list of the worst people ever, but then finding that the brief summaries of Attila provided in these lists consistently did not back up any claims of how terrible he was with any actual historical examples, a Doug

Deeper. And I didn't find what I thought I'd find. terrible he was, with any actual historical examples, a Doug deeper. And I didn't find what I thought I'd find. I downloaded some e-books on Attila and combed them for details if all his alleged savagery didn't find what I was hoping to find there either. Watch documentaries, looked into some of their wilder claims, unsubstantiated, peddling rumors as facts. The 6th century Eastern Roman historian Jordan Dane's described Att it as a man born into the world to shake the nations.

And he did shake some nations, but in an especially evil way, mostly he shook the Roman nation. He scared the hell out of them, and they were the ones who wrote about him. So of course they depicted him as evil. Everyone who wasn't Roman was evil to some degree to the Romans. That seems to be why they slanted his name like they did to so many of their other folks. He just wasn't Roman and it was their historians writing about him, not his. That's primarily why he has the reputation he has today, as you'll hear about in this episode.

A till a May or May not have been a terrible ruthless man. I've never met him. But evidence of his ruthlessness, pretty skimpy. He was for sure a great conqueror, a gifted leader and military tactician, and that's also why his name has endured. He was one of the few adversaries of Rome to really terrify them before their empire eventually fell. And he scared them because he and his men, the men he led, were very, very good at fighting.

What I also found interesting is that for a man whose name is still a household name all around the world, he didn't build a lasting empire. A tillas empire, while massive at its height, very short lived. It only existed in its second only to Rome and Europe's size for a mere eight years. And it did not endure after a tillas death, it vanished almost instantaneously. Today we try and separate hype from history when it comes to these, to this interesting historical figure, fact from legend. Let's get to know the real Attila and find out how his reputation was shaped. How is it able to scare Rome enough in developing him so thoroughly that his name has lasted for over 1500 years after his death? Who were the Huns he led, who else did they fight and fight with alongside

in the 5th century Europe, all of this and more. On today's plunder and burn-take-no-prisners, he-he-ya! Hey, it's time to suck. Happy Monday, meat sacks. Welcome to the Kilt Kilt. Kilt? Welcome to the Kilt. Welcome to the Kilt and the Kilt. New word of the curious. Don't even look it up.

Don't bother. It's a secret word. I don't want to talk about anymore. I'm Dan Comets, a suck master, helmet advocate. A tell of the Hun fan, a fan club president, and you are listening to Time Suck. He'll Nimrod, He'll Lucifina, Praize, Beatabo, Jangles, and Glory B, triple M.

Symphony of insanity, stand up tour continues. Next stop, Orlando, full dates at Dan Cummins.tv. For our merch today, I'm gonna get to his announcements quick. Let me drop a beat. Mm-hmm. comets.tv for our merch today. Gonna get to his announcements quick. Let me drop a beat. Mm-hmm. Guess who this is?

It's me, deadly innocents. Here to show you a cool new print. It's bootleg fashion. You'll look fly just like this deadly innocent guy. All the proceeds go to my league of fun fun I need to get out and meet more ladies so we can have some fun I'll take you with me first we'll go peeping then we'll get the camera and the rope out do some real creeping Ah, no, we won't no, we won't. Uh, that's just not true Proceeds will not go to Paul Bernardo for this next piece of merch

I know I already did that wrap on the secret suck, but I had so much fun I wanted to do it again. We have a brand new bootleg style T in the store at BadMagicMurts.com, classic hip hop style graphics featuring the prolific vanilla ice wannabe, the Ken Killer of the Ken and Barbie Killer's Paul Bernardo, AKA deadly innocence. And now before I dive in today's show,

a message from the scriptkeeper. Yes, Zach Flannery, and a lot of you curious, well, what's he up to? He's created a fun, escapist podcast from the short series inside my mind where Zach takes you on an audio journey through the chaos it is his brain to gun or Halifax, a sci-fi comedy show that follows the worst human in the universe. Zach wants to give your brain a humorous break. Show draws inspiration from golden age of radio until serialized stories week by week, also performed entirely by the scriptkeeper and the many voices in his head. For clarity, it is SCAT cast with a K-N-C. That is a different type of thing. Yeah, that's not that we're even saying that's a bad thing.

Just not what the focus of SCAT cast is. SCAT cast is a weekly podcast, uploaded Tuesdays, Thursdays. You can find the show on all streaming services. You can look for them on socials. Subscribe at SCATCAST.com and you can visit their Patreon. Go Zach, go! Go fucking get it! Glad to see him taking what he's learned here and run with it.

And now, for another topic, chosen by our dear space lizards, voting it up into a Monday topic in the time suck app. All this head back in history to the waning days of the Roman Empire. When a nomad seemingly came out of nowhere to sack scores of cities, a man who may have brought the empire to its knees and then kicked it over had the Pope, maybe not talked him out of it, had he, uh, had he not died. Let's let's check it out. How do you not died? Let's check it out. I'm going to start today by glossing over the fall of the Roman Empire.

Attila and his huns helped bring about that fall by attacking both the Western and Eastern Roman empires. As I covered, I'll introduce a lot of other people. Attila either fought or fought alongside of names. I'm sure you've heard, but maybe don't know a whole lot about goths, Franks, Vandals, Burgundians and more They also helped bring about the end of the Roman Empire at least in the West and they like the Huns were also Consistently described as barbarians Basically everyone not Roman and Roman times was a barbarian evil the worst Then I'll go over what we know about the Huns and some of what we know about Attila after that we'll get into the timeline Not Roman, and Roman times was a barbarian, evil, the worst.

Then I'll go over what we know about the Huns, and some of what we know about Attila. After that, we'll get into the timeline, covering the life of Attila, what concrete he did, who some of his predecessors were, what they did. After Attila's death, I'll describe how the Huns quickly fizzled out as a documented group of people, and how their legacy as brutal barbarians has remained. I'll go over a few examples of people perpetuating this reputation in modern times after the timeline. And then we'll wrap this baby up.

So let's get fucking started. Yeah, yeah, we touched on the Roman Empire before. Numerous times. Episode 30 and 98, Caligula and Spartacus. We talked about the Roman Empire in other episodes, like SUCK122 on Cleopatra. When you learned that the origin of the term on core was Mark Antony watching a sex show, headlined by a devil's triangle of sorts involving one woman, two camels, and being misheard

when he yelled once more because he wanted to see the show again. And then after that, you learned that I made up that outrageous lie. After some of you had already started calling friends and texting people about it. We just met some Romans a few weeks ago with the Celtic mythology suck. When we learned how they pushed the Celts, almost entirely out of mainland Europe and into Ireland, when we learned that their historical accounts

regarding the depictions of those they fought, like the Huns this week, not to be entirely trusted. And we touched on the last days, the Roman Empire, the time of the Huns and our suck on the Dark Ages, episode 221 in December of 2020. In that episode, we learned how the fall of the Roman Empire precipitated what historians would call the Dark Ages in Europe, and specifically the fall of the Western Roman Empire,

a time of economic, intellectual, and cultural decline, at least in Europe. And Attila directly helped bring about the Dark Ages, in the sense that he weakened the helped bring about the dark ages, in the sense that he weakened the empire that led to its fall, right? And not in the sense that he was consciously thinking like, I want everyone to be dumber, a fucking enlightenment,

fuck our own culture, time to get stupid. But no, he was actually an educated man, as we'll learn later in the timeline. Also while the fall of Rome sounds like one big catastrophic event, that is not the case. Roman Empire fell slowly as a result of challenges from within and without. And they're a lot of shit going on. Changing over the course of hundreds of years until this new form was unrecognizable from what it once looked like at the height of its glory. Most historians list the year that Rome fell is being 476 CE, the year that Oda, Oda, Oda, Oda, Oda, Oda, Oda, the

Germanic King, a lot of tricky names. Oh, so many tricky names today. I got a lot of pronunciation guys in here. Oda, Oda, Oda, the Germanic King of the Torkelingi, a clan or dynasty of people. We know very little about this posed Romulus Augustulus. The last Roman emperor to rule the western part of the Roman Empire. And Romulus wasn't even really a ruler. I mean, he was only roughly 13 when he took over and had only sat in the leader's saddle for a few months by the time he was dethroned. After he was dethroned, he was allowed to live in exile by a barbarian.

That happened a lot. They would let a lot of people live live actually, where they really that bad. After Oda, Acquire captured Rome itself. Western Rome, Rump states will continue to exist for numerous years. A Rump state being the remnant of a once much larger state, left with a reduced territory in the wake of secession, you know, collapse, revolution, etc. The Senate Rome even existed for a little while longer, but without much of its power. The empire was now hopelessly fractured and would never return to a state of glory. Rome was withered on the vine, quickly dying, at least in the West.

Withered in the East as well, but it did die a much slower death, would remain an impressive European power for centuries. And actually backtracking a bit, the fall of the West and really the fall of the true Roman empire as we generally think of it today began back in 395 CE with the death of Theodosius I aka Theodosius the Great who was the last emperor to rule the full Roman Empire before its administration was permanently split between two separate courts one in the West, one in the East, but really over a century earlier than that in 285 CE, Roman Emperor Dioclosian, or a dio cleation decided that the Roman Empire was too big to manage and he divided the empire into two parts,

the Eastern Roman Empire and the Western Roman Empire, then Theosist, the Great, would briefly rejoin the two halves into one, only for a couple of months, and then it fell apart with his death. The Eastern half became the Byzantine Empire with this capital in Constantinople, or modern-day Istanbul, although it was not known as the Byzantine Empire while it existed. When the two sides divided those in the east and those in the west, both still thought of themselves as

being Roman. No one was saying that they were Western Roman or Eastern Roman. Those titles were handed out by historians long after these people were dead. Same with the term, a Byzantine Empire. Those in East would continue to identify as simply being Roman all the way until 1453. I didn't know that. By 1453, the Roman Empire was truly a pitiful shadow its former self. A reduced to territory that today comprises only a small part of Greece, just a little sliver of Western Turkey. Its lands have been steadily carved up mostly by the Ottoman Empire for centuries at that point. Now bringing this all back to today's topic, Western Rome fell just 23 years after the

death of a till of the Hun, and had he never existed, it might have lasted much longer. Demon or not, that horse love in son of a bitch played an enormous role in weakening the Roman empire, sacking so many of its cities with his terrifying cavalry and the Romans just weren't prepared to fight until it took so much of the empire's gold with tributes he demanded tributes that if not paid would have led to more sacking. He also created the blueprint that gang is con would use nearly 800 years later to sack so many more cities, crush numerous empires. Attack quickly with superior cavalry, rain arrows, shot with superior bows down onto your foes before risking death fighting them in melee combat, and also demand hefty tributes

for those you're prepared to fight using the gold they give you to enrich and grow your army to attack others and grow further in power, and often also attack the same people, funding your growth when they eventually stop paying their tributes or when you just feel like attacking them, just because you want to take all the shit. Genghis, whose life we sucked in episode 195 in June of 2020, once called Attila the Hun his hero. Before Attila, the Romans had mostly managed or had managed for the most part, excuse me,

to defend themselves pretty successfully from the barbarians, which was a Roman catch-all term for anyone who wasn't Roman. They definitely had trouble before, though, particularly with the gods, more on who those, you know, people were in just a bit. A terrible joint forces with some gods and attack Rome. After some gods successfully beat the Romans in the Battle of Adrianople, in 378 CE, the Huns joined up with some gods, their former adversaries to plunder Roman territories further. When they were then successful, the apparent weakness of Rome would encourage

Attila, once he became leader of the Huns, to make and break trees with fear without fear, excuse me, of consequences. And when his wide-scale destruction of Roman cities and towns met with little or no resistance for the most part, built his confidence, allowed him to recruit more and more men, the Roman army, no longer the seemingly invincible fighting force at once was, and he just kept taking things further until he was eventually stopped.

It tells his ability to command a vast army of warriors from different nations, combining people from various other nomadic tribes, like the allens um... alimani austrogoths a germanic roman era group of goss living in eastern europe uh... and more gave him a huge advantage over the roman generals of his time who had difficulty generally

uh... keeping their non-roman contingents under their control and for the most part could not get them to fight alongside them well we don't know a lot about a telephone ancient historical accounts he must have been one hell of a leader to get all those people to fight for him. And he was rumored to be a fierce warrior himself. He built the Huns and arguably the most effective fighting force in all of 5th century Europe for a time, which is how he was able to build a vast empire from virtually nothing from much less and less than 10 years. At his height his empire would stretch from Central Asia across to modern day France down

through the Danube Valley at River. Europe was almost evenly divided between lands until it conquered and the Eastern and Western Roman empires with a few much smaller areas ruled by groups called like the like the Vizagoths, Burgundians and Vandals. So who the hell were all these other barbarians? And this complicated historical landscape with so many different players. Sometimes it made me feel like I was putting together the blueprint for a season of Game of Thrones, and I was assembling and reassembling the information this week. Let's go over some terms and get to know some of the people. I learned so much this

week. Tilla banded together with people he also fought against at times. Tilla was born sometime around the beginning of the 5th century, with most speculating the year to be 406 CE. He was born into the Huns, a group of Eurasian nomads who had showed up on the European scene around 370 CE, Society of Pastoral Warriors, his primary form of nourishment, was meat and milk from their herds, and we don't know for sure where they came from. Much like the Celts, we recently went over, they didn't write shit down. We're unified into a single kingdom, not for very long.

We think, and even when they were unified, the most they were ever unified, there was still a lot of dissension people, you know, leaving fleeing to other, you know, fight for other people and stuff. We think they were from somewhere in Asia, which is pretty fucking vague. Not sure if you've ever looked at a globe or played risk, but Asia is a pretty big place. The biggest of seven continents. We don't know what language they spoke, we call it Hunnic, but it didn't survive unless they spoke a language that did survive, that just wasn't called Hunnic. It's fucking amazing how little we know about the Huns. Basically almost everything we know comes from just a couple dudes.

One of the main ones, Priscus of Panim, and he was a piece of shit. His nickname was fuck that guy. Not in a way I said that. No, Priscus was a fifth century Eastern Roman diplomat, Greek historian. He actually met Atilla. Spent some time with him.

He wrote a massive eight volume history of the Eastern Roman Empire at the time, chronically the Huns, and great detail, but then most of that history was lost. Now much of what we have regarding Atilla is what later historians wrote referencing primarily the writings of Priscus. So that's a bummer that we don't know more. Most of what we know about the different groups, including the Huns, who lived in the first few centuries of the common era, groups, the Romans called barbarians. It just can barbarians. It can be traced back to what remains of just the writings of a handful of various biased Roman historians, who were clearly prone to hyperbole and flat out nonsense at times. Before I share more of what we do know about the Huns, so let's get to know these other

groups now, that they fought with or against. Starting with the Goths. Who are the Goths? Well, the Goths were a group of misfits. You know they were moody. Dark, brooding. A lot of their women were sexy as fuck. Love to die their hair black. So much black. They wore black latex, black velvet, black lace, black fishnets, black leather, often tins with scarlet or purple, accessorized with tightly-laaced corsets, gloves, stilettos, punk rock leather boots, always black as well. Sometimes acts in a by a lot of silver jewelry,

typically with the cult themes. Often had their nipples pierced, sometimes their clits, they wielded their sexuality as a whip against the fucking man. Down with the patriarchy, subvert and destroy the dominant paradigm, you capitalist fucking pig. That's the kind of shit they would say. Noise. They're both very sexual and also very against being labeled as being sexual. Eyes up here pig. Not on the cleavage, my core set is heaving up that I'm showcasing right to the edge of my aeryolas.

They often consider themselves more artistic than maybe they actually were and the themes of their work. You know, often gravitated towards monster tattoos, naked ladies, other shocking imagery, and they worshipped Lucaphina, Hail Lucaphina, Dark Mistress, Queen of the Goths. They were tough but also very sensitive. The men often dressed like Sid Vicious would centuries later when he joined the sex pistols in the late 70s. Black hair often spiky, black leather jackets, lots of chains, so many fucking chains. Dark makeup, combat boots.

A shit ton of angst, generally packaged in in a very skinny not capable of doing a lot of damage without the proper company weapon reframe Fuck yeah, bro Wait no no no no no no no no scratch scratch a lot of I'm thinking of current Goths I'm thinking of Goths a fashion that has literally nothing to do with ancient Germanic tribes Let me restart the Goths literally nothing to do with ancient Germanic tribes. Let me restart. The Goths, the ancient Goths, were nomadic Germanic people, who liked the Huns, and most non-Roman's back

in the early centuries of the common era, were more of a loose confederation of tribes, in the early history than a unified kingdom. They fought against Roman rule in the late 300s, a fourth century early fifth century CE, also helped to bring about the downfall of the Roman Empire. The ascendancy of the Goths said to have marked the beginning of the medieval period in Europe.

Vizagoth was the name given to the western tribes of the Goths while in the east they were referred to as Austro-Goths. Both of those terms will come up today. By the time of Roman Emperor Septimus, oh my gosh, Septimus, Septimus Severus severus the time you sound like a fucking uh... hogwarts guy a harry potter guy uh... but i became a scene in one ninety three c and transformed room essentially into a military monarchy the bar bearing invasions and some of those fucking gots and their trench coats and their nose rings and the root graphites

are already causing problems gothic bar bearing invasions or of Roman territories by these Germanic peoples have been happening since before 200 BC. But they really ramped up around 150 CE when population growth forced the Goths into conflict with Rome over struggles for land and resources. One of the most enduring reasons for war, a struggle for land resources, land and resource. Meanwhile to the east, some other gods had penetrated into the Balkan peninsula and Asia as far as Cyprus,

and then Emperor Claudius checked their advance in present-day Serbia in 269 CE. Claudius was the dude who ruled Rome in between Caligula and Nero, not nearly as famous as those two fucking psychopaths. Those guys were the true barbarians. The Kels started to get beaten around and present day Britain under Claudius' rule. The Kels were already almost entirely gone on mainland Europe or assimilated into other cultures by the time Attila and the Huns were starting marching through Europe.

I'm talking about the Goths. By the end of the 4th century, before they would briefly lose a lot of their territory to the Huns, some Gothic tribes controlled an empire from present day Germany to the Danube and Don Rivers in Eastern Europe and from the Black Sea and the South to the Baltic Sea in the North. Where exactly the ancient Goths come from is, you know, like it is with the Huns, a mystery. In the six-century CE, the Roman writer, Jordanes, likely Gothic himself, wrote a history of the Goths. And a lot of what we know about a tale of the Hun comes from the

writings of Jordanes. You pulled from a lot of sources that no longer exist. You know, he drew a lot from the writings that Roman guy. I talked about a second ago, Priscus. And Jordan's claimed that the Goths came from a cold island called Scenza, possibly modern day Scandinavia, is what he was talking about. When they would have lived there, exactly where is unknown. He wrote that after a series of migrations south, they found themselves living close to the borders of the Roman Empire. They had a written language of sorts that made use of runic inscriptions. However, a few of those inscriptions have been found and those that have survived are quite short. The religion may have been made use of shaman's, people who could have acted as intermediaries between themselves and various pagan gods.

At the end of the fourth century, the Huns would push a lot of the Goths into Roman territory. Emperor Valens, who ruled the each and half of the Roman Empire, personally led an army into the Balkans to subdue the Goths. On August 9, 378, CE, this army engaged the Goths near the city of Adrianople. Valens underestimated the size of the Gothic force as a result his army was outflanked, annihilated, and he was fucking killed. Not long after this now, this ass whooping the Goths would join forces with the Huns to attack the Romans further.

In addition to the Goths and the Huns, the Romans were also often a war around this time with the Franks, Vandals, Saxons, others in the West. Who were the Saxons? Well, the Saxons were a group of early Germanic peoples whose name was given in the early Middle Ages to a large country, old Saxony, near the North Sea, coast of northern Germania, which is now Germany, so many Germanic peoples. In the late Roman Empire, their name was used to refer to Germanic coastal raiders, also as a word something like the later word Viking. So the Saxons, you know, related to the Vikings and all likelihood, possibly, you know, one of the same for a while, their origins appear to be mainly somewhere in or near the above mentioned German North Sea coast. Angle Saxons, who would settle

great Britain around the time of the collapse of the Western Roman Empire, were derived from tribes of Saxons and also tribes of Angles, yet another Germanic tribe, and still other Germanic tribes. Saxon rulers would go on to establish all kinds of kingdoms in Western Europe, long after the time of Attila. President of Europe is made up of nations whose histories can be traced back to various bands of these various groups of people, like the Vandals. Well, kind of like the Vandals.

They didn't last long enough to leave much of a direct legacy. The Vandals were tribes of still more Germanic people who actually maintained kingdom along with the Allens who will meet in the second in northern Africa from 429 to 534 CE encompassing the life of a teller right there on the Mediterranean coast. Fucking germ, so many Germans! It weighed just shit ton of war, long before starting both world wars the 20th century. These fuckers whose name has become synonymous with willful desecration or destruction, sacked Rome for the second to last time in 455 CE,

killing Emperor Petronius Maximus in the process. And their name, Vandal, from which the word Vandalism is derived, you know, more slander. The Roman slander to the shit at all these people. Sadly, the historical event, the Vandals, are mostly associated with is a sacking of Rome. But were they really that bad? Everyone sacked everyone back then. After sacking Rome, the vandals could have burned it to the fucking ground. But the Pope, Leo the first, basically asked them really nicely, please don't do that. Please don't, please don't sack our city.

And they didn't. And that decision would come back to haunt them. That's an important lesson, right? I took from this story. If you get a chance to invade Italy and you get a chance to kill the Pope, you gotta fucking take it. You gotta cut the head off the snake. Don't let that silver tongue son of a bitch. Weasel out from under the Blader's sword. Okay? The vandals would be essentially wiped off the fucking map by the Eastern Roman Empire in a devastating North African campaign, begun in 533. So maybe maybe, maybe should have crushed some Romans when they had the chance built themselves up i don't know

well they were as bad as their name implies i don't think they were saints either you know i don't think the world allowed for any group to survive back then if they were to saintly uh... back when the vandal sac rom they did before leaving you know they killed a bunch of romans citizens so much art took a bunch of gold enslaved a lot of romans uh... you know took home uh... they did destroy bunches shit like Romans, aqueducts, but I am certain the Rome would have done worse to them. I mean, they would go on to basically

exterminate them later. The vandals were also pushed around by the Huns and until this time, which shows how powerful the Huns were for a while. Before they sack Rome, which happened just two years after a till had died, they had fled west to avoid the Huns settling in Gaul, modern day France, parts of Belgium, western Germany, northern Italy. They're thought to have originated in southern Poland, the Vandals, so fucking gross! JK, we'll have it. And like these other groups, there were numerous subgroups of Vandals, led by various chieftains. Sometimes they fought others, like the Romans. Sometimes they fought themselves. The Vandals were primarily farmers who laid out their lands, usually in river valleys, so as to form circular villages. Made of living from tending crops, raising animals for slaughter,

also through trade, houses typically one or two rooms with walls of wood or wicker covered by clay, also craftsmen. Among their crafts, weapons smithing was highly respected. Within the vandals, they were also skilled making jewelry, ceramics weaving. They were ruled by various kings, seemed to have had an upper class of nobility and famous for their skill and horsemanship. And an important rule was tenning horses for warfare when these people. And this same general description could be applied to almost all the dramatic people in Europe at this time. They farmed, they traded, they like horses, they had leaders, they lived in little villages,

tiny houses, made jewelry horses, they had leaders, they lived in little villages, tiny houses, made jewelry weapons, you know, good at fighting. The Romans made trees with the vandals like they did with a lot of these other Germanic, you know, quote unquote barbarians to keep them from fucking their cities out. Vandals also described by ancient sources, tall, blonde, good looking.

So a rare positive, you know, description by, you know, typically Roman sources about the vandals and we don't know much more than that. Next barbarians, the Franks. Who were the Franks? Very interesting here. The Franks were noted for being very tall and slim, for having no appendages or faces,

and for being made up of the worst cuts of pork and beef. Also, when we're in a composite thing like raccoon eyeballs, rodent tanks, marsupial buttocks, the occasional human finger, lots of hair, dirt, some shit and piss, quite a bit of blood from various mammals, maggots, so many bugs, shorted slaughter room floor shavings. Wait, no, that was a bad slander's description of hot dogs. Not talking about those Franks.

Yes, sometimes. Sometimes I'm still a goose. It's fun for me to think about a race of ancient people in Europe who looked exactly like hot dogs. Maybe wearing like little helmets and you know shields and stuff somehow to just magically stay on even though they don't have arms. Anyway, these Franks, like the Goths, also a Germanic speaking people. Of course, they were so many Germanic tribes. They invaded the Western German, oh, Western German. They invested the Western, they investigated the Western, the Western, the European Empire. No, they invaded the Western Roman Empire in the fifth century.

Dominating present day Northern France, Belgium, and Western Germany, the Franks went on to establish the most powerful Christian kingdom of early medieval Western Europe. The name France derived from their name. The Franks emerged in two recorded history in the third century CE, as a Germanic tribe living on the east bank of the Lower Rhyne River. Next barbarians, the Burgundians, yet another tribe of Germanic people, whose origins we don't know much about. They probably originated on the southern shores of the Baltic Sea, Northern Poland, below present-day Sweden and Finland, and some of them would fight with Attila.

The Burgundians established a kingdom in the time of Attila and Gaul, part of which is in the region of France now known as Burgundy. And what do we know about this early kingdom? Again, not much. Once again, most of what we know about the early years, mainly from Roman sources, who basically wrote these people were, you know, good fighters, but dumb. Sadly, none of these motherfuckers back in these times ever seemed to have sat down and just wrote out a nice detailed book, explaining who they were and what they did. They were lazy, lazy barbarians. This century Roman bishop and Gaul described them very unfavorably. I love this account. This is one of the only surviving first hand accounts we have of them from these early years.

Complaining about the Burgundians in a letter he. Placed as I am among long headhards, having to endure Germanic speech, praising often with the rive face the song of the gluttonous Burgundian, who spreads rancid butter on his hair. You don't have a reek of garlic and foul onions discharged upon you at early moan from ten breakfasts, and you were not invaded before dawn by a crowd of giants, So not a flattering description. Right? They were ugly, ugly, ugly broods spelled like fucking onions and garlic and put butter in their hair for some reason. For some reason that description makes me think of the hound from Game of Thrones. Again, I thought about the Game of Thrones a lot. Work on this week's topic. Religious wise

of the Bragganians, vandals, a lot of the other barbarians, originally pagan, became Christian, especially in the time period we're talking about today, but not Catholic actually, many practice Aryanism, an early four century Christian doctrine that claimed Jesus didn't always exist and was God's son, but not eternal like the father, and the pope didn't like that doctrine. And so he didn't like the people who believed in that doctrine. When he heard about this doctrine, he was like, shut the fuck up. Not true. Convert or kill those barbarians. Yeah, that's what the fucking Pope said.

Uh, I know those guys, uh, you know, they didn't fall to Pope, which made the Pope hate him. I wish the Pope talked like that. Uh, the Catholic church was snuff out Aryanism and other non-Pope based version of Christianity by the seventh century. And there were other Germanic tribes, uh, so many, the, uh. The Markle Manai of Central Europe, who may have actually been the sweeby tribe that comes up briefly later. There was the Alemanai living in present day Switzerland,

southern Germany, Eastern France, various high German dialects derived from their old language. There were the Gepids who lived in lands that now make up modern Romania, Hungary, Serbia. Very little known about them, but they did fight the Huns and the Romans. There were the Lombards from present day Denmark, maybe came from Sweden before that. They take over much Italy in the six and seven centuries, hold much of the peninsula until

the Normans would take it from them in the 11th century. Normans arose out of another German tribe, right? The Norse people, Mingle was Franks, more, and Gallo Romans, people in Gaul, whose heritage was a mix of Roman and various primarily Germanic tribes. There were the Allans from who the fuck knows where? They joined forces with the Vandals at some point, founded that Vandals Kingdom in Northern Africa, along the Mediterranean I mentioned that the Romans were destroyed. They were nomads like the Huns, noted by the Romans for being excellent horse breeders,

also pushed west by the Huns. Some sources seem to think that they were also Germanic in or origin. Others think they were Persian. Their name derived from the old Iranian term Aryan. Not the Hitler's wet dream type of Aryan. The real Aryan, which as we discussed in previous episode of the Nazis, is not a white German person. There's a thought that the Allens originated from Central Asia, North of present day India,

and that the migrated West eventually making all the way to modern day Portugal in Northern Africa. The Aussetians and Iranian ethnic group living in the Caucasus mountains, likely their descendants. And instead of a Germanic language, many of them spoke an early version of what would later become Iranian.

There were also Slavish tribes who many trace back to the Venatai, people who inhabit Central Europe just before a tell us time. These ancient Slavs would go on to become Russians, Ukrainians, Czechs, Poles, Bougarians, Serbs, Crotes, Macedonians, many more modern ethnicities. The Venetai also sometimes list as being Celtic and Origin, so much crossover. Of course there was. All these ancient tribes are conquering one another, forming alliances with one another,

doing a whole lot of fucking one another. Right, Haleus is being all that meat sack blood constantly being cross-pollinated. There were various Sarmation tribes who were Iranian and ethno-linguistic origin. There were the Greeks who had been conquered by the Romans. Some of the Roman historians all mentioned were actually Greek, but because there were Greeks born in territory, conquered by Rome, also listed as Roman. And I'm sure there were several other tribes

that not mentioning, right? During Attila's life in Europe and in particular Central and Western Europe, where he did the vast majority of his conquering, there was Rome divided into the West and East, and then there was a shit ton of other tribes, of people who weren't nearly as unified or as strong as the Romans. Outside of the Romans, in the early centuries

of the common era, these tribes primarily Germanic people, populating Europe. And all these tribes came into contact with Rome in various ways. Typically, they'd have their villages attacked, their people assimilated or enslaved, their soldiers either paid to join Roman armies

as mercenaries or forced to fight or die. They'd live under Rome's thumb, sometimes be completely assimilated, sometimes rebellious, sometimes be destroyed. They would have their cities, sometimes raised to the ground. Their women raped. Their children butchered. They were absolutely no worse than the Romans from what I can tell, but they didn't write the history books we have today.

So they ended up being labeled as evil barbarians. And the Romans were, of course, the good guys. You get to be the good guy when you get to write the good guy history books. The Romans by this point had the Pope on their side, right, under the Pope's guidance, all of their murder, overall carnage justified. God's will, right, killed the pagans, part of the devil's league, the equal actions, reactions to the barbarians, you know, that's evil. It's pagan, or at least heretical of the devil. The fiercest non-Roman leaders like Attila were given fun titles by the Christian Romans

like the scourge of God. heavily sometimes cartoonistically demonized. By the time of Attila Rome had been fighting these various tribes for several centuries, these people had known Rome for a long time, and many of them had become Roman in many ways, right? They'd adopted a lot of Roman cultural practices, married Romans, they spoke Latin, had the children of their nobles raised and Roman courts oftentimes,

so how savage could they have been really? Many of them had fought for Rome or their fathers had, they had incorporated aspects, various aspects of Roman culture into their own. Individually, none of them were strong enough to fully take down Rome. They didn't have the numbers or fortifications or overall knowledge. The only really barbarous shit that they were doing was attacking Rome.

And the only reason some of their sacks of Roman, of other Roman cities were even ever pulled off by these, you know, so-called barbarians was because Rome was fighting so damn many of them all the damn time. I just forgot how much constant warfare was happening back at this time. These tribes constantly attacking the edges of the empire or being attacked by forces on the edge of the Roman Empire. If Rome would have been able to focus its full might on any one of these tribes, you know,

would have annihilated them, you know, as it did to the vandals. But it couldn't always do that. And then a tiller showed up and took great advantage of the fact that Rome was fighting too many enemies. While until a never-sacked Rome, he probably could have had he lived a little bit longer and he did sack so many other cities. He was able to unite many of these people against Rome and it would have, you know, if he

would have lived much longer, maybe he would have taken down both Western and Eastern Rome. That was what made him so evil, right? The fact that he was formidable. He scared the Romans. Rome couldn't defeat him, like they could most other so-called barbarians He was different and the Huns themselves were different So let's meet the Huns now before we really get to know what we do know of Attila in his concrete who the fuck with the Huns

Well, not gonna be surprised, but no one knows Arguably they were the most mysterious of this mysterious bunch of different groups of people a historian very knowledgeable they were the most mysterious of this mysterious bunch of different groups of people. A historian very knowledgeable concerning the Huns, Peter Heather, chair of the Medieval History Department and professor of Medieval History at King's College London, a man considered the world's leading authority on the Huns' barbarous contemporaries, the Goths, had a quote that sums up the search for truth about Attila and the Huns nicely. He said, Our ignorance of the Huns is astounding.

It is not even clear what language they spoke. Most of the linguistic evidence we have comes in the form of personal names, Hunnick rulers and their henchmen from the time of Attila. But by then, Germanic had become the lingua franca, franca of the Hunnick empire, and many of the recorded names are either certainly or probably Germanic. Iranian, Turkish, and Finn, Ugrian, like the later, mygars have all had their proponents for the language of the Huns,

and the mygars is who the Hungarians would be. But the truth is that we do not know what language the Huns spoke and probably never will. The direct evidence we have for the motivations and forms of Hunnac migration is equally limited. According to the ancient writer, Ahmi Anis, a four-century Roman, there was nothing to explain. The origin and seedbed of all evils, the people of the Huns who dwell beyond the sea of Azav, near the frozen ocean, and are quite abnormally savage. They were just so fierce that it was natural for them to go around hitting people. Similar images of Hunnic,, Ferocity, are found in other sources. The sea of Azav, just south of Ukraine,

northern extension of the Black Sea. So interesting, right? Maybe the not knowing is part of what a tillist memorabilness comes from. He and his warriors, they're almost mythological. Feels like you can assign various attributes to them if you want. They came from nowhere, maybe Central Asia,

maybe from hell itself, maybe they're not totally human part monster. Mysterious barbarians from the darkness. Old images of Attila often painted, as I mentioned early with horns on his head, like it was a demon, not a man. It was a symbol of terror, a boogie man. They don't roam too far from the village of Tellin' his men, my getcha, rapia, cut you into pieces and eat ya. Some scholars believe, and this is nowhere near universally accepted, that the Huns originated from the nomadic, Zong-New people who entered the historical record in 318 BCE. Zeng, sorry, Zeng-New. The Zeng-New were a tribal confederation of nomadic peoples, who, according to ancient Chinese

sources, inhabited the Eastern Eurasian steppe from the 3rd century BCE to the late 1st century C. Lot of mystery surrounding these people as well. Some scholars think that they're not just the ancestors of the Huns, but also the ancestors of the Mongols, possibly of the Turks, Iranians and others. All kinds of theories. So many names for us meat sacks over the years as we migrate around the globe or migrated and evolved from monkey to man. These Zang Nu terrorized China during the Chen dynasty and later later during the Han dynasty. And part of the reason, the great wall of China was reportedly built was to help protect against the mighty Zang Nu. And then there's another origin theory that the Huns are not even human, that they came

from witches and swamp demons, not kidding. Jordanians that superfactual six- century Roman historian would write describing the origin of the Huns, we learn from old traditions that their origin was as follows. Filmer, King of the Goths, son of Gideric the Great, who was the 5th and succession to hold the rule of Gite, after the departure from the island of Scanzia, found among his people certain witches, suspecting these women he expelled them from the midst of his race and compelled them to wander in solitary exile afar from his army. They are the unclean spirits who be held them as they wandered through the wilderness,

bestowed their embraces upon them, and begat this savage race, which dwelt at first in the swamps, a stunted foul and puny tribe, scarcely human. Having no language, save one which bore but slight resemblance to human speech. Totally. That one sounds like the most plausible to me, right? Super legit. Jordans probably correct. The Huns must have been formed when some witches made it with some fucking swamp demons.

That's probably why we don't have good records on them, right? They're monsters and monsters for the most part don't keep good records from what I understand. The demon huns, again according to Jordans after being brought forth from some kind of black magic, then settled on the father bank of the meyotic swamp. Jordans goes on to note how they were fond of hunting and had no skill in any other art. They were brutes, they were dumb broods. They could grunt, they could bash in the heads of certain animals.

This guy's the main historical source we have for what we know about the hunts. Clearly not always super factual. The swampy mansion is real play so. It's a name formally given to the swampy land surrounding the straight of Kurt, which joins the sea of Az-Az-Off. Maybe I'm insane wrong, or the Az-Az-Off, sea of Az-Az-Off in the- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh, Az- uh He wrote after they had grown to a nation, they disturbed the peace of neighboring races by theft and

rapine. I.e. they stole their neighbors' shit and took their land. Kind of exactly like with the Romans and all other conquerors did to people back then. Dordan Zen states that they entered into civilization when one of their hunters was pursuing game, this legendary mythical origin story, one of their hunters was pursuing game on the farthest edge of the meiotic swamp, Sado, who led them across the swamp, now advancing in again standing still. Which showed them that the swamp could be crossed, whereas before they had supposed to swamp was impossible as to see. They were too stupid to know that they could walk through the swamp. That's how fucking down these people. They had to see a deer and be like, how's that deer? Walk on them in a water. It's how fucking down these people. They have to see a deer like how's that deer walk on them in a water?

It's a water walking deer and then someone's I think it's a swamp deer and maybe we can walk on the swamp too And then they finally tried you know they had to fucking wait that's ridiculous once I reach the other side They discover the land of sitia at that moment the dough vanished And they were probably scared where's our Joe where's our dough leader go? And they were probably scared. What are you doing? What are you doing, or go? Jordan's continued. Now, in my opinion, the evil spirits from whom the Huns are descended did this from envy

of the Scythians. And the Huns would have been wholly ignorant that there was another world beyond meatus. We're now filled with admiration for the Scythian land. As they were quick of mind, oh, they're quick of mind now. Okay. They believed that this path utterly unknown to any age of the past had been divinely revealed to them. They returned to their tribe, told them what had happened.

You got to see what was there let us do. Praise Sithya and persuaded the people to hasten Thither along or hasten Thither along the way they had found by the guidance of the Doe. As many as they captured when they thus entered Sithya for the first time, they sacrificed to victory, like the God victory. They remained, the remainder they conquered and made subject to themselves like a whirlwind of nations.

They swept across the great swamp. And here we have another group of ancient people, right? The Scythians. Scythians are generally believed to be of Iranian origin. And among the earliest people to master using double-bladed lightsabers, like one of the most famous warriors, the Jedi Darth Maul. Maybe that's the wrongseth. Now the real Scythians were among the earliest people to master using double-bladed lightsabers, like one of the most famous warriors, the Jedi Darth Maul.

Maybe that's the wrongseth. The real sithians were among the earliest people to master the art of mountain warfare. They were another step people. People from the large areas of flat, unforested grassland and southeastern Europe and Siberia, like the Mongols, like an all likelihood of the Huns, while Jordan's description of the Huns is obviously biased and a moment just fucking ridiculous. He probably was accurate in that the Romans did think that the Huns came from the area around the northern edge of the sea of Ozoff.

Yeah, that is how you supposed to say. And they may have lived there, but is that where there were from or was it just a stopping point on their journey west where they're from, you know, somewhere further east? So that's when we know when it comes to the Hunnic origins. Once they showed up, they were written about by Roman chroniclers, so we do know a bit more. We know that prior to the fourth century, just prior, for example, the Huns had snakes for penises

and flaming swords, farms and skinless meatless skulls for heads. Well, lots of spiders live in the eye sockets and centipedes that crawl in and out of their nose hole. And we know they had zombie wolverings for legs. Or we know that, we know that, or we know they had zombie Wolverines for legs or we know that we know that or we know that prior to the four century, the Huns traveled to small groups led by chiefs and had no known individual king or leader. I wish they had Wolverine legs. We know that they arrived in South Eastern Europe around three 70 CE would go on to conquer

a lot of territory over the next 80's years. The Huns were equestrian masters. That seems to be a common theme when people were describing them. They were good on the horse. They reportedly revered their horses. Sometimes even supposedly slept on horseback. No word about them fucking horses though. I don't know. They were very close to the horses, but I don't think they fucking...

They learned horsemanship as early as the age of three. They were a tough rugged people. According to legend, on the day of a Hun boy's birth, male babies were slashed on both cheeks. As a means to teach them to endure pain, pain in blood, a part of life. According to legend on the day of a hun boy's birth, male babies were slashed on both cheeks, as it means to teach them to endure pain, pain in blood, a part of life. If true, man, what an introduction to the world. How do you go from laying on mom's chest for a bit,

just barely figuring out how to breathe air, and your dad's grabbing you, cutting your face up. Welcome to the cruel world, motherfucker. If you can't handle this, just die already, little baby. You're not gonna make it as a hun. According to archaeological evidence, the huns may're not gonna make it as a hunt. According to archaeological evidence, the huns may have also practiced something known as head shaping. I've seen the picture of these skulls.

This is wild ass shit. They use wooden planks, right? There were some Native American tribes do this as well. These wooden planks pieces of fabrics on babies to give their heads a flat terrifying shape. More pain. Maybe this head shaping wasn't meant for intimidation though. Maybe they just thought it was hot. We don't know. Maybe like a nine head instead of a forehead was

the height of honeyc sex appeals. God damn, orgeless fine. Look at that. Look at that head, bro. Look at what do you think it has? Two feet, three feet. I'm going to get that girl to fall in love with me. God, we're going to have so many giant potato head kids. So many super long headed, going to make some people in the 21st century, you think we were a part alien when the examiner bones hits. And what do these huns look like other than some of them maybe having big ass banana heads?

Most hun soldiers dressed simply, they didn't typically wear heavy armor, right? They valued being light agile, fast on horseback, as they fought. Warriors who gained wealth and battle are nobles who already had money. They would regularly outfit their steeds with saddles and stirrups trimmed with gold, silver, and precious stones like many ametesac.

They liked a shiny thing. They raised livestock but weren't farmers and seldom settled in one area. They lived off the land as hunter-gatherers, dining in a wild game and gathering root and herbs. It doesn't make me think it's so funny how similar we are. Sorry, just to back up for a second. Stats just coming to me. They would decorate their horses with these gold silver,

precious stones. And now I just think about, just jacked up customized pickup trucks and just custom cars and stuff. We're the same people. We just have different toys. The same dude who's putting all the shiny shit on his horse is the same guy now who you know has like Which I'm not saying I'm not this guy. I like a cool truck, you know

It's like I think about like getting like cool tires I would I would have cool tires, but like cooler tires. Maybe jacking up a little bit more Maybe having some more little, you know, different little things to accent It looked like a make it look like a toy like a hot wheel truck Right the long time ago. I would have had just a shiny horse. I just a little silver I don't know man but put it put it on silver on under his hoods let's let's jack it up let's make a little bit taller let's lift those hoods a little bit and let's put some uh put some lapis lazuli and some golden it's tail yeah fucking shine that shit up bro oh man looks tight right with the same with the fucking same people anyway

uh they raise livestock right they uh they already said the war and farmers settled in one area, lived off the land as hunter-gatherers, dined in a wild game, gathering roots and herbs. It took a unique approach to warfare for the time they lived in. They would move fast and swiftly on the battlefield, fought in a seeming disarray, which would confuse their foes, keep them on the run. They were expert archers who used reflex bows, made a seasoned bir seasoned birch bone and glue. Their arrows could travel faster and farther than their foes, huge battlefield advantage. The scourge of God and his hun shocked westerners with their recurve bows. Now most hun warriors carried composite bows assembled yet from wood, sinew hornbone, unlike the western bow, the step weapons made the curve back on themselves

at the end which would generate additional torque can make their arrows fly with enough velocity supposedly to penetrate armor at a hundred yards also smaller than typical boats made them easier to wield on horseback and hunter horse archers famed for their ability to accurately fire their boats even wallet a full gallop i can see why genghis con found them inspirational uh... thanks to their experience last-sowing horses and cattle the hunt with not shooting arrows could also skillfully last out their enemies

on the battlefield, brutally tearing them off their horses, dragging them to a violent death. God, that fucking suck. Right, one minute, you're riding your war horse, right into battle, getting ready to slice some fool down, and the next minute, you're Lassowed. Just flung off your horse, arms pinned at your sides, right, being dragged across rocks and shit,

tell your head gets bashed in, until you get stomped by someone else's horse, or you pint, your sides, right, being dragged across rocks and shit, tell your head gets bashed in and take it stomped by someone else's horse or you have big cuts and gashes opened it up and you're bleeding out. After you imagine you're screaming the whole time, God, if you had a really high pain tolerance and you love to joke around, or you really love to commit to a prank, what a cool final prank you could pull when you die

in this situation, instead of yelling out in pain or begging for mercy When you're getting last-out and dragged to your death What if you as you're getting dragged you just we're able to yell out we Like with a big grin on your face Maybe clap your hands to faster daddy faster I feel like that might you know just get the guy dragon need to stop. He's like, stop it! What the fuck are you doing? This isn't supposed to be fun, you weirdo. Maybe he even cut you loose.

Just get out of here! Cad, you weird me out! Other weapons of Huns likely fought with Macy's, daggers, axes, lances, javelins, improvised weapons like nets, pickaxes. You know, just weapons typical of many different warrior cultures at that time. To go with their legendarily intimidating horsemanship skills, according to some ancient reports, the Huns horses would actually fight for them in battle with their teeth and hoops biting and kicking their opponents.

And there is no fucking way that's true. We can file that shit away in the swamp demon witches folder. Good old Jordans. God, the guy loved to exaggerate. And the hunts wrote atop their Satan steeds, Stalions with mouths of sharks teeth, and had lions claws instead of hooves, and their tatles were poisonous viper's.

They could also breathe fire like dragons. These dragon's shock-line viper horses could, they could also fly as well with great bat wings. Yes, I remember that now. I like dragons. These dragon, shark line, viper horses could, um, they could also fly as well with great bat wings. Yes, I remember that now. And if they bit you, they would not only just kill you, but turn you into a zombie vampire thing.

Yes, a zombie vampire controlled by the master, zombie vampire hunt that rode the beast. That slew a necromancer. They were necromancers. Damn those swamp demon witch necromancers, scourgecromancers. Damn those swamp demon, which necromancers, scourge of God, flying dragon horse, fuck us. Historian, former US Army lieutenant, Colonel Michael Lee Lanny describes the Huns Army in more realistic terms, writing, Hun soldiers dressed in layers of heavy leather greased with liberal applications of animal

fat, making their battle dress both supple and rain resistant. Leather covered steel lined helmets and chain mail around their necks and shoulders further protected the hunt cavalry men or cavalry men from arrows and sword strikes. The hunt warriors wore soft leather boots. They were excellent for riding but fairly useless for foot travel. The suit of the soldiers for they were much more comfortable in the saddled and on the ground. I'm not sure what historical accounts he's able to pull that description from. I wasn't able to find anything.

Redden, I'm guessing he's interpreting that from some archaeological evidence. Couldn't ascertain that for certain. Cause we don't know for sure how it's ill-addressed. We don't even sure what kind of like horses, you know, he does men wrote. The experts still disagree over exactly what kind of horse breed the Huns preferred.

Many say that the horse breed that was most likely utilized exactly what kind of horse breed the Huns preferred. Many say that the horse breed that was most likely utilized was the Mongolian horse, the kind gangus and the Mongol horde would ride many centuries later, given that that species has been in residence in the Eurasian step for upwards of 150,000 years. Mongol horses are of a stocky build, relatively short but strong legs, large head. They weigh about 500 to 600 pounds. Compare that to the uh, uh, uh, Arden breed of draft horse or Arden, uh, native to modern day Belgium and

France, which back in until his time, likely way around 1200 pounds, twice as big. Uh, a lot bigger now, actually, uh, but, uh, you know, they were a draft horse bred to pull the plow, not ride into battle. Whatever horses, the huns rode, you know, they were just likely very comparable to whatever their opponents were riding. You know, it's not like they were out there riding miniature ponies, fighting enemies riding fucking Clydesdale's, but that would be cool if they did. That would present an awesome visual, right? How embarrassing to get dragged to death in a battle when you're being pulled by a little pony, but it would make it easier to fulfill that scenario. I talked about faster, daddy, faster, and just like a little pony trying

to go as, you know go as hard as it can. As a migrated West to Huns, very well could have changed their preference for the small Mongol horse for something better adapted to the old world force of Eastern Europe as well. So they probably rode various horses. Comparing the Huns' deed with Roman horses, Vigisius, Vigisius.

Oh, my tongue's not doing right, but it's in the ballpark. For a century Roman writer about whom very little is known, and one of his two surviving works wrote, their body is angular with no fat at all on the rump. Guys, we are description of the horses, but nor are there any protuberances on the muscles. The statue is rather long than tall. The trunk is vaulted, and the bones are strong, and the leanness of the horses is striking. But one forgets the ugly appearance of these horses,

and this is set off by the fine qualities. There's sober nature, cleverness, and there are ability to endure any injuries very well. Any injuries? I doubt it. But if you cut one of their fucking heads off, they'd have a hard time enduring that. The Hunts horse of sometimes,

I mean, they were hardy horse, hardy war horse. The Hunts horse of sometimes served as moving rations by providing the Hunish warrior with milk, sucking on a little horse's teeth, meat, even nourishing blood. Right? Supposedly they would bleed out a little bit like the Mongolians, the Mongol hordes would as well, especially when the tenant's rate over large distances. The Mongol hord would later, you know, again, use their horses the same way as with other step warrior cultures.

During shorter raids, the harns depended on their expertise and hunting, thus mostly consuming game meat, often boiled, then dried without salt. Not sure how they were able to make the meat last back there with no salt, not if they had pressure cookers, or dehydrators. I mean, you try that today, just dry some meat without adding salt, throw it in your saddle bag, head out on the plains, munch on it for a few weeks,

a few months, I'm thinking you're not gonna feel too good. No, probably not after a few days. Clearly they had some kind of system worked out for preventing spoilage. Hopefully, they had some spices. That shit sounds nasty. But yeah, they ate a lot of meat, probably not too many vegetables. Very very little fruit. The Huns lived simply true warrior lifestyle, small group of Hunish warriors acted as a self-sufficient unit that tactically functioned without requiring any unwieldy supply lines.

Obviously, that presented some battlefield advantages, right? They could just be on the go. They were just like in a big camp of infantry men that had to be supplied, had to have, you know, carts pulled by other horses to get them food and stuff. Now they could just kind of like eat as they went. As for protective gear, the horsemen, especially the heavy horse archers furnished with small circular shields made of wood or hide. They could be attached to the forearm, complimented by various helmets, like the typical spanging helmet, spanging helmet, sponging helmet. That classic medieval helmet, you'll see in a reenactment

of like medieval fighting or maybe the Monty Python sketch, made a multiple often metal pieces that gave way to a conical form. Sometimes had a little metal strip that would drop down between your eyes, protect the bridge of your nose. The Huns probably wore a wide variety of helmets and armor. A lot of it likely acquired his booty from raiding and plundering enemy camps, sacking their

cities. On horseback, the Huns would use loose formations to surround their enemies, tended to avoid melee combat as much as possible in the beginning stages of a conflict. Conflict instead, their horse archers contingents relied on precise missile barrages that affected the foe both physically and psychologically to compliment an intense scenario like this right they're raining down arrows we'll run around their horses you know encircling the enemy they would also make harsh gutterable sounds you know basically they would scream and growl so you have these you know group of you know guys these cavalrymen you know riding around you they're screaming their growling they have really good bows or raining arrows upon you.

Yeah, it's freaking you the fuck out. I'm sure that was terrifying to encounter. Four century Greek and Roman soldier and historian named Amionus, or Amionus, Marcellinus, who's surviving books cover the years from 353 to 378, better than anyone else in Europe, C.E. gave an account of how the Hunish horsemen quickly divided themselves into scattered bands from an organized formation, confusing their opponents enormously. He said, they rushed forth into various directions of the Romans, almost in a disorderly manner, baffling the Romans.

This was an intentional trick, order in chaos, and the Huns would then reorganize, overcome Roman soldiers and carefully coordinated charges, then break away and scatter again. Basically they would alternate between looking disorganized and organized and disorganized again. They would charge, then scatter, then reform. Charge again, then scatter, and the Romans didn't know what to fuck to do. Just not how they fought. When the Huns ran into a walled fortress, unlike most other barbarian tribes of the day, they were also skilled with siege weaponry. The Huns weren't stopped by walls, like many of their barbarian peers at the time. They first gained insight on siege technology while fighting alongside the

Romans, which they did often, and they may have also relied on Roman prisoners and deserters to help them build war machines. According to the chronicler, uh, priscous's description of the 443 CE siege of Nysus and present-day Serbia, the Huns use massive wheeled siege towers to move protected archers close to battlements and rain arrows into the cities, you know, into the cities onto the city's defenders. They also pummeled the city's walls with huge battering ramps, which Priscus described as a beam with a sharp metal point suspended on chains hung loosely from a V-shaped timber frame. How terrifying to be inside the fortress. Here's that thing to slam it

into your gate. Boom! Boom! There's fucking screaming out there. You got guys on towers running arrows. You know, they're about to bust through that fucking door. You know, this is all hell's gonna break loose. While they weren't a cohesive kingdom before Attila, and they didn't write any accounts of who they were, where they were from, what they were about. They did write for organizational purposes at least that we know of. Beginning from the second century BCE onwards, various hunt drives would keep, sorry, second century CE. They would keep census records regarding how many people in cattle they had, which people paid in income tax and tax on cattle.

This is a found in archaeological digs. Records were kept in a written form, decrees, and laws issued generally in Latin, sometimes written in Germanic dialects. Hunts had no kings, instead led by nobles, elite families who acted as chiefdans or governors. It's not like, you know, by the way, I tell it's time they essentially had a king. Over time, the governor, you know, one governor would emerge as the chief governor, again, basically essentially a king and a till they would hold that position. As far as religion, we don't know for sure what they believe, no idea.

We do know that they had slaves, but everyone did back then. The rate of village, sack of city, went to battle, etc. He takes slaves home as part of your bounty. When they weren't fighting, for their basic day-to-day clothes, the Huns wore round caps, pants, or leggings made from goat skin, and either linen or rodent skin, tunics. Hmm, we should get a look at one of those old rodin skin tunics. That's just sounds ugly as fuck. A bunch of rat skins sewn together into one of those old medieval blouse type things.

You have to be a pretty cool, fashionable, confident dude to pull off where one of those today. That's a special kind of person that can rock a strong rodin skin tunic. That's a strong drip game. I feel like Machine Gun Kelly, maybe for L, could pull off a rat skin tunic. I couldn't. Amy, honest at Roman writer reports that they wore these clothes until the clothes fell to pieces.

I bet they did. It's not like they could just hop on over to target and buy a new rat skin tunic. Since they were off on the go, it's not like they could just head on over to their local rat tunic dealer. Okay. I think I've laid out some decent backdrop now, enough with the tunic talk. You know, we know who the Huns were basically what the landscape was like when they did their concrete under a tillah who they fought with and against. Now let's learn a bit more about

the mysterious Huns and Attila in today's time suck timeline. After you guessed it, today's mid-show sponsor break. And now we return to the first centuries of the common era, the first years after the death of Christ, to see how the Huns, especially under the guidance of Attila, their fiercest commander, Rictavik, on Europe. Shrap on those boots, soldier. We're marching down a time, some time line. and the soccer timeline. A quick note regarding many of the dates in this timeline, they vary from source to source quite a bit.

We went with the ones mentioned most frequently and what appeared to be the best most credible sources. Used our best judgment. Roughly 370 CE, the Huns show the fuck up. Their demon daddies are done fucking their mommy witches in the swampy southern shores of the sea of Asaf. They cross the Volga River in present day Russia, conquered those allons, gotta love that name by the way. Every video I find says this pronounce just like the common,

you know, just dude name of Alan. It's like having a group of ancient people named like The Danes, The Joes, The Logan's, the Tards, the Chads. Doesn't carry the same weight, right? Is the Goths or the Vandals? I'm pretty sure some ancient historian. Before facing the Goths, Vandals and the might of Rome, the Huns first had to defeat the Tards, the Christophus, the Nathan's, the Derren's. After crossing the Volga River, the Huns destroyed the Churniaheave culture, absorbed much of its Germanic Slavic and Iranian aka Sarmation, ethnic elements. The Churniaheave

culture lived in what is now Ukraine, Romania, Moldova, parts of Belarus. Guess how much we know about them? That's right. Very fucking little. Yesterday's theme, if you haven't picked up on that yet. Based on archaeological discoveries, they were thought to be a melting pot culture. A few years later, sometime around 372 CE, the Huns attacked some of those Ostergoths, those Eastern tribes of Germanic Goths who harassed the Roman Empire by frequently attacking their territories. By 376, the Huns had also begun to attack some Visigoths. The Western collection of Goth tribes forced them to seek sanctuary within the Roman Empire. Some of the Allens, Goths, Visigoths also conscripted into the Hunnic infantry. All the Huns were primarily cavalry warriors.

They would build infantry through alliances with people like the Goths, or by capturing Goths soldiers forcing them to fight or you know, be executed. As the Huns dominated Goths and Visigoths lands, or Visigoths lands, they earned a reputation as the baddest new barbarians in town were to reach some Romans that these motherfuckers were virtually unstoppable. Han movements westward initiated a massive chain reaction, touching off the migration of peoples in western Eurasia, mainly the Goths, west and the sloths to the west and north northeast. The Huns attacking these peoples at this time thought to have been mostly for booty, campaigns

waged to extract tribute and mercenary fighting for their clients, not to build an empire of their own. And their attacks were already starting to piss off the Romans, kicked out of their homes, the Goss, other barbarians are seeking refuge in Roman cities. After these initial invasions, the Huns began to build a reputation for being excellent mercenaries.

A lot of mercenaries back then, right? There were one of many different cultures that sold their swords to the highest bidder or sold their bows as it was the case with the Huns. As early as 380 CE group of Huns, we're given photoroddy status and the outer Roman province of Pannonia, present day western Hungary, eastern Austria, northern Croatia, northwestern Serbia, northern Slovenia, and northern Bosnia and Herzegovina. And that status just meant Rome saw them as allies at that time.

Allies they could hire to fight their enemies primarily the Goths. Honnish mercenaries were hired by both Eastern and Western Roman Empire during the late 4th century, sometimes to fight one another and some civil wars, so much fucking fighting back then, so much constant bludgeon. Also in the late 4th century, the Huns still viewed as individual mercenary bands, sometimes fighting in loose coalitions, not as a Hunnic kingdom. From 395 to 396, different bands of Huns attack Roman territories in present day Turkey and Syria by around 400 an area of Punania and present day hungry has become the hunts primary staging grounds for attacks on the east and west Roman territories The name hungry comes from the hunts Attila likely born in present day hungry

Attila is a central figure in Hungarian history In 400 CE olden the first hun hun identified by name and contemporary resources lead to group of Huns and Allens fighting. I can love that name. Allens. Lead some Huns, some Allens, some Randys, fighting against Radogaisis, Radogaisis, a Gothic king in defensive Italy. Olden was also known for defeating Gothic rebels, giving trouble to the Eastern Romans

around the Danube River. Also be headed the Goth-Gynes,us or Gynus a Roman military commander turned trader around 401 then sent his head to the Eastern Roman Emperor Arcadia's as a diplomatic gift. That's a very nice gift You know, I've gotten a lot of great gifts in my day more than the average meat sack I've been very blessed, but I have yet to receive the head of an enemy. That's got to feel good Right, that's got to feel good. Right. That's got to be way better than a nice shirt or some cake or a nice card.

Maybe with a gift card, you know, inside, uh, Oldenwood turn on the Romans, uh, just a few years later and go from ally to enemy sometime between 406408, Olden crosses the Danube tries to pillage threase in Eastern Roman province at the time. The Romans tried to buy olden off to pay a tribute to avoid having some city sacked, but the some he wanted was too high. Roman province at the time. Romans tried to buy old and off to pay a tribute to avoid having some city sacked, but the sum he wanted was too high. According to 5th century Greek Roman historian, known as Sozeman, old and replied to a Roman commander who tried to talk him into not waging war and accepting accepting less money. He pointed to the rising sun and declared that it would be easy for him. If he

so desired to subjugate every region of the earth enlightened by that luminary. Not sure if that's true, but if it was, that's a bad ass shit to say to somebody that's confidence. That's the fucking alpha, that's an alpha shit to say. However, Olden would not conquer threes when the Romans couldn't bribe him into not attacking they bought off some of his soldiers and that resulted in mass desertions. Right, just a lot of higher guns back then. Without an army strong enough for conquest, Oldness gave back across the Danube after which history has very little to say about him.

So so much for setting the world on fire. It's thought he died in 412 with the latest. Backing up a bit now to 406 E. That's the year, Attila is born, maybe. We're not totally sure. But most historians think 406 E. His father was Monsick. Not sure if I'm saying that right, can't find a pronunciation guide.

His mother's name has been lost to history. Until his dad, not gonna try and say his name again, appears in Hungary's national anthem under a translation of his name as an ancestor of the Hungarian people. Until he was born into a noble hun family, his dad achieved in, brother of the men who had become hun kings

in the four 20s and four 30s, Ruga and Octar. His dad may have been a king before Ruga and Octar, the historian Jordanes. Right? Don't know if you can fucking trust that guy, wrote, Attila was the son of Monsigas, whose brothers were Octaire and Ruus.

Their names are like, the letters change, a lot in sources. Who were supposed to have been kings before Attila, although not altogether of the same territories as he. Thanks, Jordans. Atilla's name means little father, and according to some historians, may not have been his birth name, but might have been something given to him

when he started getting powerful. Little father? Is that right? That's a weird title. It's like something has to be lost in the translation there. Bow down before a great and powerful ruler, baby daddy. That's that's about the equivalent. Uh, uh, though ancient Rome considered the Yahun's to be barbarians until it's up bring far from the brutish affair. One might be led to expect. Right? Until

along with his elder brother, Bletta, born into the most powerful family in the Hunnic Empire, until and blood of big deals from birth, growing up as tilletians would have had to learn all about archery, sword fighting, lasso use. Of course, how to ride and care for their horses, also military and diplomatic tactics. They would have been educated on both their allies and their enemies. Some modern sources assert that their brothers were fluent,

both gothic and Latin, right? Their dad seems to have died early in the boys' lives and it appears that both bledet and tillet Their dad seems to have died early in the boys' lives, and it appears that both Bletta and Attila were then designated to be rulers. Thun's had numerous co-rulers, ruling different areas of the lands they controlled. Both boys thought to have been present at Hun war councils, negotiations from an early age,

even before Attila became king, the Huns were a formidable fighting force, although they would be coming on more so later under his rule. Their uncles Ruga and Octaw ruled together after their father's death. In the same year of Attila's birth, 406, a bitterly cold winter freezes the Rhine River, allowing hordes of vandals, allons, burgundian warriors, another Germanic tribe. The Sweebe, to easily cross over into Rome's continental holdings. Vandals, other barbarians, now overrun the Roman province of Gaul, not looking good for

Rome, they need help. They need to rely more powerfully with the Huns. When it is 12 and 418 CE, they are allied heavily with the Huns and he is sent to live in the court of Western Roman Emperor on a on a reas. The Huns are currently, yeah, the strong allies, the Western Roman Empire. Here until it likely learns Latin, Roman history, philosophy, God knows what else. He received a top tier Roman education, which would have been the best education in the western world, if the whole world at that time. He was an educated man, not some barbaric

savage. In exchange for Attila, Flavius, Iatius, son of a prominent Roman general, was to keep living with the Huns. Now with Ruga, he had previously lived in the court of Olden. Iatius had also lived with some Visigoths in the court of their king, Aleric, the first in another good faith hostage situation. Dates here get a little fuzzy. Iatus also thought to have been born in 391, 15 years before Atilla. So there are periods of living with each other's people may not have perfectly overlapped, but both did spend time in their youths living with the leaders

of people they would later wage war against. And Iatus thought to have spent a lot of time in his youth living in non-Roman courts. The paths of Iatus and Attila will cross again later in life. And how wild this whole system, important men from these empires exchanging sons, nephews with one another as a way of ensuring that no one breaks their promises, right? Break your word and I'll fucking kill your kid. I remember this from the Vlad and Peler suck a couple years ago, right? That shit was still going on in Europe.

In this kind of area where the Huns would actually fight also in the 15th century, Vlad of Wollashia had to go live with the Ottomans for a while, growing up under the same terms. What a tense way to spend your teen years. Never knowing if today is gonna be the day when you find out that you're gonna be executed because you're, you know, your uncle, your dad, somebody broke the piece. Just please, uncle.

Just please don't fuck things up with the Rome. Just do what they say. 422 CE, the Huns are back doing a bunch of pillaging and threase, and I guess Attila has returned from the court of Emperor Anorias because, you know, he's not dead, or maybe since Attila has returned from the court of emperor on a Reis because, you know, he's not dead. Or maybe since Attila was in the court of the emperor of Western Rome and not Eastern Rome, maybe on a Reis didn't give a fuck about Thraces.

Maybe he was like, yeah, I don't care. Go fuck my nephew, a Theodosis, younger, shut up. Yeah, get after it. After a bunch of raids, the Eastern Romans will agree to pay the Huns 50 pounds of gold every year to not keep taking their shit. 425 CE Roman general Flavius Iatus that due to spent time growing up in the court of the Huns with olden and ruga atillas uncle hires the Huns as mercenaries to fight for Rome. He wins enough battles to be named commander in chief of the Roman army in Gaul. He's moving on up for 30 CE.

Atillas other uncle or other uncle Octar dies during a military campaign against the Brigandians. According to the writings of Socrates of Constantin Noble, so not that Socrates, not the Greek guy, this guy's a fifth century Roman historian. He wrote, for the king of the Huns, Uptaros by name, having burst a sunder in the night from surfeit, the Brigandians attacked that the Huns of Uptaros people, burst a sunder in the night from surf it the brigandians attacked that The Huns of Uptaros people then without a leader and although few in numbers and their opponents many they obtained victory Octaur also referred to as Uptaros in some records Now Uncle Ruga is ruling alone

432 and 433 somewhere somewhere in there and see some tribes from Hunnic the Hunnic Confederation on the Danube fled to Roman territory joined up with the Eastern Roman Emperor Theodosius the second aka Theodosius the younger and that pisses Rook off. He demands through an experienced diplomat named Elsa the return of all these fugitives these traders. Otherwise the piece the treaty where Rome would pay them 350 pounds of gold a year. At this point would be finished and Eastern Rome would get fucked up but then Theodosius the younger catches a real lucky break and Ruga, he does, uh, he done goes dice. He done goes and dies.

Sometime around 434 C how we're not sure. Uh, again, according to Socrates of Constantinople, who's very pro Roman, very pro Christian, Theodosius the second prey to God and then God killed Ruga or or sometimes called Rugila, with a thunderbolt to the head. And then Ruga's men all died of the plague and then fire consumed all their bodies and didn't leave the trace that remains. So I'm guessing he probably made that up. Guessing.

After Ruga dies, the Eastern Romans sent a couple dudes to work out a new treaty with the Hunts. New agreement was that Rome's annual tribute would be 700 pounds of gold and all Hunfugitives would have to be given back. Price is consistently a lot higher than 50 pounds now, of gold. This happens at 435, is called the Treaty of Margus, signed in modern day Serbia. Fugitives were surrendered at that meeting

in the two huns of Royal Descent. Mama, I don't know how they're named, just looks, mama's, mama's, and a Tuckum were then crucified by the huns. They didn't want all their hun buddies back to give them hugs and high five some of these guys were traders Right who'd shifted their allegiance away from the hunts to Rome The treaty gives the Romans a break from the constant threat of the hunts They could then focus on defending their territories from other fuckers

Either having problems with the vandals and the assassin need empire right now Sass needs yet another enemy of Rome Sass needs a Persian empire were based mainly in present day Iran at this time. There's no shortage of people to fight back then. Upon Uncle Rougas death, Attila and his bro, Bletta, they inherited empire that stretched from the Ryan region in the west to the borders of the Sassanian, Iran, and the Caucasus in the east. Attila would, you know, make some moves pretty quickly once it became co-ruler. in his rule until the allied with Western Roman general former Hon hostage I a deus and I a deus was a knowledgeable dude great ally to have his father was a sithian soldier one of those people who like the huns excellent horsewriters

Mother was a noble woman in a Italian descent his heritage made him uniquely suited to deal with the challenges facing Rome with the Don of the Fifth Century. As a young boy, he'd spent time in the camp of the Visagoth King, Alaric, he became familiar with their tactics, knowledge that would serve him well later years. He'd gotten into the Huns tactics firsthand as well, and now he becomes tight with Attila. 435 CE, Aedes Hires his buddies the Huns to fight against the Vandals and the Franks. The Hun army at the time was one enormous cavalry unit that struck their adversaries quickly, right? As we talked about earlier, either asking for nor offering mercy, historian, former US Army Lieutenant Colonel Michael Lee again, Michael Lee landing, describes the Hun army, thusly, relying on mobility and shock effect until a rarely committed his soldiers to close sustained combat. He preferred to approach his

enemy using the terrain to hide his troops until he was within aero range. While one rank fired at high angles to cause the defenders to raise their shields, another fired directly into the enemy lines. Once they had inflicted sufficient casualties, the Huns closed in to finish off the survivors. So very smart way to fight. They were not idiots. Between 435, 438 CE, the Huns attack Sassanid Persia, winning some battles but eventually being defeated in present day Armenia. Beginning in 436 CE, IATIS, IATIS, and the Huns fuck up the brigandians. While the main strength of the Huns army was fighting Persia, some Hun mercenaries hired to fight alongside the Western Romans. To me, all this collaboration,

you know, obviously dispels the myth that again, the Huns were demonic barbarians. They were captured, I'm sorry, they were cultured and trusted enough to fight alongside the Romans, right, to be a strong ally. Together, the Romans and Huns drove out the Braganians, defeated them, the Braganians driven back into modern day France, Attila and Bletta would continue to give Iadias military support, allowing the Romans to squash threads from both internal revolts, Eastern and Western empires, embroiled in numerous civil wars on top of all the other shit they're dealing with during the Tilla's lifetime. Rome, dealing with a lot of things.

A lot of Germanic tribes, they have the Sasanids, if I can each other, so much. A lot of fires, they were constantly trying to put out. You never had to worry about being unemployed if you were a Roman soldier. Another treaty between Eastern Rome and the Huns gets signed in 439 CE, basically extending the treaty of Marguestat that they'd already signed earlier. The Romans promised to return all Hun refugees who'd fled into Roman territories, agreed not to enter,

packs or trees with enemies of the Huns, promised to establish fair trading rights. And of course, you now have to keep making gold payments now to Attila and Bletta. Attila's fighting with Western Rome and extorting Eastern Rome. The Huns pledged again to not attack Rome, to not enter into Pax or treaties with Rome's enemies and to defend the Danube frontier and the provinces of the Roman Empire. After the Treaty of the Huns turned their attention east again to the Sasanid Empire and are driven back again by the sassanids towards the

great Hungarian plain, right, their home base, fucking sassanids, toughos. Then after defeat in the east, the Huns start to think, do we really have to honor that treaty with Eastern Rome? Roman troops who once guarded the border are currently deployed to Sicily for fighting there and the Huns see this as an opportunity for easy plunder. They claim the Romans had violated the Marga's treaty by not sending back all their Hun refugees in Roman territory and further claim that a Roman bishop had made a secret trip into Hun territory to desecrate Hun grapes and steal buried valuables. So they wanted the bishop to come see them so they

could punish him. Are these claims true? Or did they just make up some excuses to attack? Historians seem to think they just made up some excuses because they wanted to attack. Theodosius, the younger sense is general Flavius Aspar to try to negotiate with the Tilla and Bletta. That's an go well. Until the show's Aspar, you know, some disturbed graves, but there was no way of telling who graves they were, who had disturbed them, what may have been taken from them, with no proof of a crime. Aspar refuses to turn the bishop over to the Huns claims he has no knowledge of a hundred refugees hiding from a tellin bleta on Roman soil. The Huns insist, but Aspar doesn't give in or back down negotiations reach a stalemate. Aspar returns to Constantinople to report these developments to Theodosius and before the Romans can decide what to do but it all, the Huns are already attacking them. 441, the Eastern Roman Empire's army is on its way to Sicily right they were supposed to then go to northern Africa

Just never stop fighting just endlessly roaming from one territory to another trying to squash rebellions fighting off the barbarians They hear that the Huns though are now invading the Balkans got damn it Roman territory So they have to turn around and head back. They just made it Sicily The Huns led by a till and blood us sack numerous very profitable trade cities that were near the Eastern Roman capital of Constantinople, bad news to the Romans. The city of Nysus, especially important because it was the birthplace of Roman Emperor Constantine the Great. The Huns raised it so badly it wouldn't be rebuilt for another century. About the ravaged city, historian Priscus would write,

When we arrived at Nysus we found the city deserted, as Zod had been sacked, only a few sick persons lay in the churches. We halted at a short distance from the river in an open space. For all the ground adjacent to the bank was full of the bones of men slain and war. Man, I bet those sites were just outrageously horrific back then. So many dead bodies. Their offensive was especially successful because it was, yeah, completely unexpected. The Adosius II had been so confident that the Huns would keep the treaty that he refused

to listen to any council that suggested otherwise. The Huns were, you know, proving themselves to be capable of really fucking up Roman cities right now to protect their territories from further destruction. Emperor Valentinian, the third of the Western Roman Empire and Theodosius, the younger of the Eastern Roman Empire, both are paying the Huns, more tributes now. Now to keep the Huns from further destruction, they're paying them 1400 pounds of gold a year. Price keeps going up. Attila and Bletta withdraw, then Rome fails to pay up as they had expected them to, so

the hunts quickly invade again. By 443, the hunts had reached as far as South as Constantinople had sacked a number of additional cities along the way. Attila forces theodotus and to yet another new treaty in the fall of 44. To get a lump sum of 6,000 pounds of gold to bring back home and the expectation of another hefty annual tribute. The Huns return home once more to the great Hungarian plane.

I think I got a bunch of fucking plunder with them. Atele and Bletta lead their troops back and then Bletta vanishes from the historical records. What happened to him? We actually have no idea. But of course, because the Huns were evil. Those fucking swamp demons, tell them lots of kill him.

Probably, probably he's his mouth. Probably bit him to death. Pray, pray, aid him to death. Rip his guts out with his teeth, aid him raw, maybe turn into a werewolf, how the moon? Priscus writes that three years after the offensive, Bletta King of the Huns was assassinated as a result of the plots of his brother Atilla.

Jordan's later wrote, when Atilla's brother, Bletta, who ruled over aetta King of the Huns was assassinated as a result of the plots of his brother Atilla, a Jordan's later wrote when Atilla's brother, Bletta, who ruled over a great part of the Huns had been slain by Atilla's treachery, the latter united all the people under his own rule, gathering also a host of the other tribes, which he then held under his sway. So he sought to, he sought to subdue the foremost nations of the world, the Romans and the Visigoths. His army is said to have numbered 500,000 men. He was a man born into the world to shake the nations, the scourge of all the lands, who

in some way terrified all mankind by the dreadful rumors, noised abroad concerning him. He was hotly in his walk, rolling his eyes here and there so that the power of his proud spirit appeared in the movement of his body. He was indeed a lover of war, yet restrained in action, mighty in counsel, gracious to supplicants and lenient to those who were once received into his protection. He was short of stature, with a broad chest and a large head. His eyes were small, his beard thin and sprinkled with gray, and he had a flat nose with a swarthy complexion showing the evidences of his origin.

That's sound to evil there. It sounds like a badass angel leader, a man of his origin. That sound too evil there. It sounds like a badass angel leader, a man of war in a time of so much war. Some scholars have suggested that blood was not killed by Attila despite these accounts, but rather may have been killed during the Huns campaign against Eastern Roman Empire and just did not head back to the Hungarian Plain. However, he died in 445 CE Attila becomes a sole leader of the Hunts and one of the most formidable leaders of 5th century Europe. And until it was not finished with the Eastern Roman Empire and 446 after Theodosius II

refused to pay him gold yet again. That dude had a real hard time sticking with the fucking payment plan. He launched another campaign against them only a few months into it in earthquake struck Constantinople, the Empire's capital, forcing its citizens to hastily rebuild its walls. Eastern Roman Empire now panicking, very worried that the Huns are going to destroy their weakened capital. They send their soldiers to meet the Huns away from the city, keep them from reaching the capital walls. The 4th century Greek Roman historian, Amianus Marcellinus, wrote that the Huns attacked and pillaged forts and cities, lacerating almost all the

territory surrounding the capital. Until and his Huns went on to sack more than 70 cities in just the Balkans and penetrated deep in degrees, but were stopped at Thermopoli, leading to yet another peace treaty negotiation with harsh penalties for the Romans. The Huns never did take Constantinople, but they got close enough to scare the shit out of them. A pro-Roman account of their invasion before signing this new tree, written by a fifth century bishop in Asia Minor,

Hypatias of Gangra, survives and says the barbarian nation of the Huns, which was in Thrace, became so great that more than a hundred cities were captured. And Constantinople almost came into danger and most men fled from it. And there were so many murders and bloodlettings that the death could not be numbered.

I, for they took captive the churches and monasteries and slew the monks and maidens and great numbers. All right, so not a guy's there, not a guy's. A lot of not a people back here, back in this time, the Hunnican Empire was now at the height of its power and reach. Until the ruled over Scythia, Germania, Scandinavia, referred to as the islands of the ocean.

There are a lot of accounts of his victories in these places and exactly where his territory extended to because Roman historians didn't write much about them, not with any real specific details. Guess what happens in 448 CE? Emperor Theodosius enters into another new treaty with Attila. Attila wants more money. And this time he wants the Romans to evacuate a strip of land stretching 300 miles east from modern Belgrade and up to 100 miles south of the Danube River. To negotiate the treaty, the historian Priscus, accompanies Maximinius,

the head of the Byzantine embassy representing Emperor Theodosius II on a diplomatic mission to Attila's court. It was from this visit that Priscus would later recount the story of a dinner with Attila that took place in one of Attila's many houses. Now, this is the best first-hand account we have of someone actually spending time with Attila. Priscus wrote that Attila's house was, you know, very nice. Greater than the rest of the houses around it, so no surprise there. Constructed of decorative polished wood with little thought to making any part of the place for defense. The dinner was at 3 o'clock, so early as dinner.

Priscus entered the house, bearing gifts to Attila's wife. Her dinner was at three o'clock, so early as dinner, Priscus entered the house, bearing gifts to Attila's wife. Her name was Krekka, she had three sons. Priscus and the embassy of Eastern Romans were placed at the end of the table, farthest from Attila, but still in his presence. This was meant to show that he was greater

than the Roman guests, and that Attila considered his people to be more important than Priscus and the Roman embassy. As Priscus and the Eastern Roman embassy stood, they followed some cultural tradition of being served tea from the cup bears that in prey, had a drink before having to sit at the table. The seats were arranged parallel to the walls, a tell us that in the middle of one side of the table, the right side of a teller reserve for his honored chieftains, everyone else including Priscus and the Roman embassies sat down on the left. After being seated, everyone raised a glass to pledge

one another with wine. Once the cup airs left, another attendant came in with a platter of meat, followed by bread, other food at the time. Sounds fucking delightful. I bet they can make some tasty-ass meat. They do not exactly come across as evil dumb savages here. All the food was served onto plates of silver and gold.

Silver and gold. Pritzker's also notes that Attila didn't use any silver or gold plates himself, but instead used a cup made of wood. He's very modest. His attire, not very grand. Some of his cheap tins dressed up a little fancier than he was. Once the first round was finished, everyone present stood and drank again to the health of Attila. When evening arrived, torches were lit, songs were sung about Attila's victories. Sounds like a fucking long-ass tedious dinner at this point. Also present, a second Roman embassy that traveled to Attila's court alongside Priscus's

group. This other delegation, however, not as friendly, they had the covert objective of assassinating Attila and Attila uncovered this attempt. And then that fucking demon barbarian did not have. They would be assassin tortured or executed. Instead, according to the story, Attila sent the man back to Constantinople, carrying a letter that detailed exactly

how Attila had uncovered the plot, presumably, to embarrass the Romans, who may have assumed that a dumb barbarian couldn't figure it out. And that letter also carried a demand for you, guessed it, more gold, which they paid. Then the dude who kept making treaty after treaty with the Huns, Eastern Emperor of Theodosus II died unexpectedly, excuse me, in a writing accident on July 2nd, 450 CE. For some reason, I pictured him

falling over on a bicycle, and I just felt compelled to share that thought. Like he fell, of course, from a horse, but a bicycle would be so much funnier back then, just random Roman Emperor on a bike. He'd been in power for almost 50 years. Had a long run, but he didn't end up with a son to step in and rule after he passed. The crowd passed to a dude whose life we know very little about before he became emperor. Marcian, some sort of personal assistant apparently before he became emperor. That's a weird leap. Some later sources will state that Theodosius willed the throne to Marcian on his deathbed. Pulcira, Theodosius, the second sister agrees to marry Marcian, which legitimizes his rule, and he ascended to the Emperor's ship August 25th, 450 CE.

And almost immediately after becoming Emperor, Marcian revokes Theodosius' treaties with Attila, no more money, go fuck yourself. He proclaimed that he might give Attila some gifts of gold if he was friendly and a helpful ally, but Attila would get his ass beat if he attempted to raid the Eastern Roman Empire. And then Attila was like, all right, okay, that's cool, I know I get it. Now I get it, no, we've been a problem.

You know what, sorry for the hassles over the years. No heart feelings on this side. Let bygones be bygones, I say. Water off a duck's back, you know all that. No, he's pissed. But he was also busy making plans to fuck with the other Romans now. Attila was preparing to invade the Western Roman Empire under the guise of helping Western Roman Emperor Valentini III battle the Vizagots.

Attila rejected of course Marcian's proposal, demanded tribute, but did not, this did not alter his invasion plans. He wasn't going to deviate from his plan to go west and attack these guys right now. He led his hoard from a putt. Oh my gosh. Benonia and the spring of 451 CE into the Western Roman Empire. And who would he face off with? His old friend Flavius, Iatius, crazy times, friend turns into foe. Flavius, Iatius, who was the supreme commander of the Western Roman army, organized the defense and called upon the Vizagos. I keep waffling in my head, Vizagos, Vizagos, Franks, Burgundians, Allens.

There's too many fucking tribes to keep track of their connotations. Even some Celtic, are Moricans and other tribal groups, around 60,000 in all to help them. The Moricans lived in what is now the Brittany region of France. Some Celts showing up in the story, Some of the few left in mainland Europe. Tila's forces were made up of Geppitz, Allen's, Skiri, yet another Germanic tribe from somewhere north of the Black Sea, some Herule, another Germanic tribe, Posse from Scandinavia, some Ruygens,

more Germans from south of the Baltic Sea, along with Franks, Brigandians, Ostrogoths. How are both Attila and Iatius allied with people they've been fighting? Because these people were not part again of organized kingdoms. Members of tribes organized into loose coalitions. You know, those coalitions shifted all around

all the time. They tend to a lot of mercenaries in these tribes. You know, that's why Attila was also losing hunts who were defecting to the Eastern Romans. That's why, you know, he often fought alongside the Romans. Again, these groups routinely, you know, hired to fight why he often fought alongside the Romans. Again, these groups routinely hired to fight one another, fought alongside whoever they thought would lead them into the best chance for the most plundering. And again, I think of Game of Thrones. A lot

of alliances coming and going, shifting around all the time. Attila Sack, a few cities in Gaul before meeting IADS, before meeting IADS as forces at the Battle of the Catalonian planes in Northeast Gaul. This will be the most heavily documented battle atillable fighting. And before we get into its description, atillable wasn't only fighting in Gaul for money. What led him to turn against his old buddy, Iadius, a lady. Hey, Olufina.

Princess, princess, honor, honor, oh my gosh, honor a ria. There we go. Princess on a ria smart conniving and ruthless on a ria possessed all the attributes befitting a Roman emperor except for that pesky white chromosome Justa grata on a ria was the daughter of western emperor constant constantinious the third who had rained for seven months and four 21 before dying her mother was Galapasidia, daughter of Western Emperor Theodosius I, carried into captivity by the gods as a child. Galah had married Athoff, king of a large group of Vizagoths. She had a son with his king, but before some possible Visagoth Roman merger could occur, the son would die as a toddler. Not long after that her husband, the king assassinated.

She returned to the Roman Empire, actually rescued by her soon to be second husband, Constantinius. She has two children with him, first on Aurea, then Valentinian III. As a result of various family ties, Valentinia was actually the son, grandson, great grandson, cousin, and nephew twice over of Roman emperors. He's highly, uh, uh, got a great pedigree to be emperor. Valentini described as less than smart and not a great ruler became the Roman emperor in the West at just five years old in October of 424. So a puppet king, mommy now called most of the shots on a read not happy about this arrangement. As a young girl, she watched as her dimwitted five-year-old brother

Valentinian III crowned emperor the Western Roman Empire While she has set aside to a way to suitable marriage hardly content to lead a quiet and chased life on Arria rebelled slept around a lot slept away to the royal court while still in her teens At one point she seduced her brother's royal chamberlain an officer who manages the household of a ruler Eugenius and together they plotted to murder Valentinian and seize power. But her scheme was exposed, eugenius was executed, an aria sent to a convent and constant noble, whereas she would wait to be married off to an elderly Roman senator named Flavius Bosses Herculinas. Life as a nun was a fate worse than death for an aria.

She spent her years at the nunnery, plotting one escape attempt after another. Still wanted to kill her brother, still wanted to rule Rome. So what she do, she gets desperate, she reaches out to the only man she thinks is powerful enough to take the throne from Valentina and share it with her, Attila the Hun. There's some serious game of throne, shit. Anorea reminds me of Cersei Lannister, or maybe her mom, Gala, was Cersei. From 445 to 450, Attila was at the height of his power. His prestige, influence, and Europe, Cersei. From 445 to 450, Attila was at the height of his power. His prestige, influence, and Europe, enormous, the perfect man for this job, right? He took a lot of wives.

There's always room for another wife. Aonaria got the barbarian's attention with the mutually beneficial proposal in 450 before Valentinian dies and Marcian assumes the Emperor's ship. If Attila would rescue her, she said she would fuck the ever-lo loving shit out of him. She would try to actually suck his dick off of his body, then put it back on, then try to rip it back off with her pussy, and all that was just a warm up for some butt stuff.

Or she said she would marry him, and he would get half of the Western empires her dowry. Maybe the other self was implied. I don't know, I can't remember right now. She included a ring in her letter. Honore was actually in no position to rightfully offer any of this shit. She couldn't offer any portion of the Roman Empire. She was a betten that after marrying her, Attila would conquer the whole empire. And you know, she'd be queen.

Attila had secretly been planning to move against Rome for years, so he was happy to get this letter. You know, just a nice, nice little nudge. Last nudge he needed to go and strike now. Wasting no time atilla claims rises bride demands the that half the territory of the western Roman Empire should be given to him as dowry from valentineian uh valentineian was not cool without his furious he's ready to put on a read to death but then valentinean dies which makes it super hard for him to kill a sister

now martian's military would have to face off with the Hunts. And nothing of Anorria's life after her entry with Attila is recorded. She was played by Saphila Rennon in the 1954 film Attila. Saphila Redman, one of the most beautiful women of all time. All right, so back in up now to the big battle of the Catalonian Plains. Now we know how we got there. Fought because Attila wanted to marry Anorria and rule Rome with her. 451 Attila sets out with a large army composed not only of his own huns, but also of a lot of those various Germanic motherfuckers. This army pours in Rome's Belgian provinces, takes mets on April 7th, 451, captures many other cities, lays waste to the land, a whole bunch of sacking commences.

Upon learning of the invasion, Flavius Iadius moves his army rapidly from Italy to Gal, according to 5th century Roman historian and bishop in Gal, Sidonius, Apollonarius. He was leading a forest consisting of few and sparse auxiliaries without one regular soldier. Iadius immediately attempts to persuade Theodoric I, King of the Visigoths, to join his fight. Allegedly, Theodoric learned how few troops Iadius had with him, decided it was wiser to wait and oppose the Huns in his own lands, so Iadius then turns to the former, Praetorian

prefect of Gaul, a Vittis for help, a Vittis is able to persuade Theodoric to join the Romans, and also a number of other wavering kind of barbarian residents in Gaul. The Coalition assembles in Arles, a city along the Mediterranean coast, and present-day France before moving west to meet the Gaussets-Luce, where they gathered more forces and supplies, the combined army then marches to present day, Orléans France reaching there on June 14th. Previous Sucks subject Joan of Arc would fight a big battle in Orléans in 1421. Back in 451, the Romans got busy, fortified, and strengthening Orleon before Attila's approach.

Attila's army would retreat eastward from this fortification, Iadius knew the Huns well, knew how to defend against them. Orleon threatened but never seaged. The Roman army then pursued Attila's forces, overtakes them in choice, and appoint an important meeting place of Rhodes in present day France, and a battleist fought in North of the city. The battle began in the afternoon, lasted into the night. Thousands and thousands died, including King's Theodoric and the Visigoths. Back when kings actually fought firsthand

in battle, which is fucking wild to imagine. It's never explicitly stated, but Attila thought to have fought, you know, first hand with his hunts as well. He repeatedly scared the shit out of people by claiming to own the sword of Mars, aka a sword that actually belonged to the Roman god of war. This sword, according to Jordans, discovered by accident. When a certain shepherd beheld one heifer of his flock limping and could find no cause for this wound, he anxiously followed the trail of blood, and that length came to a sword it had unwittingly trampled on while nibbling the grass. He dug it up and took it straight to a sword it had unwittingly trampled on while nibbling the grass. He dug it up and took it straight to a tillah. He rejoiced at this gift and being ambitious, thought he had been appointed ruler of the whole world and that through the sword of Mars supremacy

and all wars was assured to him. So probably just some more fanciable imaginations of Jordans but cool story. But leaders fighting in battle. I mean, imagine that now. Imagine how sad that would look now. Picture Joe Biden. Heading out to the Middle East, tagging along with like US special forces, right, to take out a terrace cell, you know, his first hand somewhere. I just, I don't think he'd fare too well. You, you fellas go ahead without me. I catch up in a second. Oh, old Joe doesn't want to hold you back. I'll be right there. Don't worry about that. Just need to lay down for a second. Oh, Joe doesn't want to hold you back. I'll be right there. Don't worry about that. Just need to lay down for a second. Just get a bit of shut-eye. And then, uh,

people, boy, howdy. I'll cost a rug. Just once I wake up. The Battle of the Catalonian Plains has been described as one of the bloodiest military conflicts in history. The first time until it's forces halted in an invasion of Western Europe. Historian Jack Watkins, author of the greatest battles in history, and encyclopedia of classic warfare, describes it, thusly, The Romans occupying the high ground quickly succeeded in pushing the Huns back in confusion, and until it had to harang them to return to the fight. During fierce hand-to-hand fighting, King Theodoric of the Visigoths was killed, but rather

than discouraging the Visigoths, their King's death enraged them, and they fought with such spirit that the Huns were driven back to their camp as night fell For several days the Huns did not move from their encampment But their archers succeeded in keeping the Romans at bay the desertion of the frustrated Visigoths allowed a teller to withdraw His army from the battlefield and with his wagons of booty intact The Romans did not pursue him but his aura of invincibility had been shattered The next day the Romans found that a teller was strongly entrenched after he left behind his wagons, and it was said that he had prepared a funeral pyre for himself to die in rather than fall into the hands of his foes. That's a badass shit.

Thoris Mund, theodoric son, was burning to avenge his father's death, wanted to storm the entrenchment, but Flavius Iadius said, no way, he'll say, ah, I don't think so. Or something like that. He persuaded Thorsman to return to Duluth, saying Thorsman's brothers might use the opportunity to grab his throne, also persuaded the Franks to return immediately to their own lands, and then he permitted a tiller to escape with his army. Why would he do that? It's never made entirely clear, some historians say that he didn't want to destroy the Huns' empire, just protect Roman power. And he had in mind that the Huns could later be allies again one day, right, like they'd been years before. Others say he also didn't want to increase the prestige of his Visigoth allies by giving them a decisive victory, making them think that they were stronger than

Rome. Both sides are staying great losses. The amount is not known, but overall it was a triumph for the Roman Empire, and what historians generally consider Attila's first defeat, which is weird. I'm talking about that in a second. The biggest casualty of all was probably what the battle did to Attila's power, showing him as someone who could be fought off. You know, something people previously thought impossible. People other than the sassanese, historians seem to forget how they'd already fought off the Huns a few times, but you know, whatever. Somebody sources actually those earlier defeats never happened. Despite this failed campaign in the Galatilla not done attacking, he launched an attack

on Italy the very next year in 452, still claiming that Honoreo was his rightful bride. He wasn't ready to stop trying to claim the Western Roman Empire. The Honore army ravaged much of the northern part of present-day Italy, even capturing a raising the city of Aqueolea. After a three-month siege, leaving it unrecognizable. Today, Roman ruins this small city in the north-eastern Italy near the Slovenian border, or UNESCO World Heritage Site. The reputation of Hans hat for brutality and indiscriminate slaughter, well-known,

sent to people of this area fleeing for their lives, with whatever they could carry. And she liked this again, can make it look like an evil barbarian, but the Romans sent plenty of people fleeing for their lives and raped plenty of people and butchered women and children and sack cities at the ground, but their enemies didn't typically get to write about it. Whole populations fled their cities and villages for safer regions. Some accounts say that communities became some of these communities for fleeing became, you know, what became Venice Italy, as a result of the attacks. When residents fled to small islands in the Venetian lagoon,

however, other accounts list Venice as already haven't been around. So I'm not so sure about that. Might be some more legend building there. So myth making to add to a Tilla's fearsome lore. A Tilla's old buddy, Iatus did pursue a Tilla in Italy, but he didn't have the same army. Army, he had back in golf.

Remember he sent everybody away, just to shadow force now. He wasn't able to do much more than just kind of harass him. Until a finely halted his advance at the river Poe, didn't really make it down into the peninsula. This river lies to the northern edge of the Italian peninsula. By this point, some historians think that disease and starvation may have taken hold in until it's camp. Other sources from the period credit an embassy sent by Emperor Valentinian with getting

the Huns to leave Italy. This embassy included Pope Leo, the first to convince the Tilla to return back beyond the Danube river to their own territory. The 5th century chronicler, prosper of Aquitaine wrote, trusting in the help of God who never fails the righteous in their trials undertook the task accompanied by a venius a man of consular rank and the prefect tie Oh, try gettius and the outcome was his faith had was what his faith had foreseen for when the king and received the embassy he was so impressed by the presence of the high priest that he ordered his army to give up warfare and after he had promised peace he departed beyond beyond the Danube. I fucking doubt it. Many historians doubt this narrative here. They don't think that the Pope would have somehow

convinced Attila to just be like, you know, I don't want to fight anymore. I'll just go home. Or that he would have even traveled to talk to someone considered a barbarian, a pagan sack of Roman cities face to face like that. Another fifth century Roman chronicler and bishop in modern day Portugal,

Hidaceus, wrote, the Huns who had been plundering Italy and who had also stormed a number of cities were victims of divine punishment, being visited with heaven sent disasters, famine and some kind of disaster. Thus crushed, they made peace with the Romans and all retired to their homes. So who the fuck knows why I tell a left?

Uh, uh, Aquileia fell to the Hun sometime in mid-August, and within a month afterwards, their army was already head back home maybe it's just wanted to get home to hungry that fall in order to avoid malaria outbreaks which tended to start north in italy around october

as well as before the snow's closed various passes in the alps is army would have already been taking uh... with them booty and prisoners which would have uh... slow their march another factor which would have encouraged him to leave italy that fall and perhaps he intended to come back to Italy the next year, but that wouldn't happen because he died. And he wasn't able to keep fighting as some sort of swamp demon, which zombie, unfortunately, until dies in 453 CE on his wedding night, until it had just married his latest wife, a young woman named Il Dico, and he celebrated with great feasting

and the feast. and the following morning a guards broke into his room found him dead in his bed his bride weeping over him no wound it seemed as though a tillah had hemorrhaged through his nose and choked on his own blood maybe drank himself to death that night there are other theories possible that a tillah was assassinated by his new wife and a conspiracy with you know one of any number of enemies whatever the reason when he died his hun army fell into an intense period of grief until his horsemen smeared their faces with blood,

rode slowly in a steady circle around the tent, which held his body, cut their long hair, slashed her cheeks, wanted to literally cry blood for their leader. There was a day of grief, fasting funeral games, combination of mourning and celebration that was combination of the world, came with thrones again, now I'm thinking of the Dothraki,

Hunter, mind you if it's a Dothraki. That night, Attila buried in three coffins, one nested inside the other, the outer one of iron, the middle one of silver, the inner one of gold. According to legends of the time, when Attila's body was buried, those who buried him were killed so that his burial place would never be discovered. And that was done so we could have what was considered the most honorable death possible. Following his funeral, his empire was divided among his three sons,

Elik, Dingazic, Ernak, and they would fight each other to become his successor. They would fight more for the greatest share of the territory. They would squander resources and allow the kingdom to fall apart. By 4th 69 CE, only 16 years Atilla's death his fragile empire was gone. The Gepa King, Arderic, would revolt against the Huns, get many other Germanic tribes to join the revolt. The Romans would refuse to pay Atilla's son's tributes. His son, Dingazich, decided to invade the Roman Empire, but his brothers declined to join him, so he didn't do that well. The Romans got the Gauss to join them in fighting these weakened Huns, and Dingazich was killed in 469. His head cut off, given to the Romans in the Gauss to join them in fighting these weakened Huns and Dengazic was killed in 469.

His head cut off, given to the Romans and Constantinople as a gift, put on a pike, left out to rot for all to see. And that would be the end of the Huns rule in the West, though definitely not the end of their legacy. All right, let's talk about this interesting legacy a bit after today's timeline. Good job, soldier. You've made it back. Barely. timeline. After Attila's empire collapsed with his son's deaths, an empire that was never really

a cohesive empire, it seems, but rather a, you know, coalition of Hunnic tribes and primarily Germanic tribes that they'd recently conquered who weren't quite yet ready to revolt. The Hunns were absorbed into other tribes and other kingdoms, and they quickly faded from history books, right? Faded almost as quickly as they showed up, almost as mysteriously. Today, people still wonder who the descendants of the Huns are. Beginning in the high middle ages, Hungarian sources have claimed descent, you know, descent from or a close relationship between the Hungarians and the Huns.

The name Hungarians, I said before, derived from Hun. But you know, there might not actually be any sort of direct lineage linking modern Hungarians with the ancient Huns. The anonymously written, the deeds of the Hungarians penned sometime in the early 13th century. The first Hungarians source to mention that the line of Hungarian kings were descendants of Attila. And a few other sources from the same era claimed that Hungarian kings were directly descended from Attila. But that might have been propaganda.

The Hungarian kings, you know, are the Hungarians being Huns would have helped legitimize their conquest of Pannonia hundreds of years, you know, ago. Linguists do not think that modern Hungarians are directly descended from Attila and Attila's Huns, you know, just not directly due to language continuity prompts. Linguists do not think that modern Hungarians are directly descended from Attila and Attila's hunts You know just not directly due to language continuity prompts. However, we don't fucking know exactly what language hunts spoke So once again who truly knows? You know you heard a lot of names a different tribe today and a lot of other ancient people not named today all traveled through the land that is now hungry You know various people settle the land over time, their blood got all mixed up. I'm sure some modern Hungarians can trace their lineage back to Attila and to Romans and to

ancestors of the Iranians, to various Germanic and Slavic people to Keltz and on and on and on. While the notion that Hungarians are directly descended from the Huns has been rejected by a lot of mainstream scholarship, the idea has continued to exert a lot of influence on Hungarian nationalism and national identity. A majority of Hungarian aristocracy continued to ascribe to the honeyk view well into the early 20th century, until in the Huns still a source of cultural pride for Hungarians today. A lot of scholars now believe the bulgurs, the people of modern Bulgarian surrounding areas, more likely to be directly descended from the Huns than the Hungarians.

One alleged ancestor of the Bulgars is Cobra-Than, also known as Wolf-Fuck-Yeah-Bro. It's great name, Wolf, who may have been the grandson or great grandson of Attila. So many may be in this story, right? So many guesses. So much has been written and claimed about Attila that has no actual basis and anything we know for sure at all as far as what that dude did. Check out a recent example. This was in Furied of someone perpetuating a bunch of hun bullshit using the name of Till of the Hun to sell a lot of books in this case. Wes Roberts wrote leadership secrets of a Till of the Hun, a book first published 925.

Described as a runaway bestseller, climbed up the New York Times list, sold so many copies. The title really got my hopes up. When I first saw it about maybe finding some extra information about Attila. The byline for the book says, this is the book you've heard about. The book that leaped the top ranks of the bestseller list. The book that's got the business world reading, thinking and quoting. This is the book that reveals the leadership secrets of Attila the Hun. The man who centuries ago shaped an aimless band of mercenary tribal nomads into the undisputed rulers of the ancient world. And who today

offers us timeless lessons in when directed take charge management. First off, you now know that Attila was never the undisputed ruler of the ancient world. This book features so much advice that on quick read appears to come directly from a tele because it will say stuff like Attila said, speaking of this, here's some examples of what Attila supposedly said. We must refrain from charging prematurely and furiously into unfamiliar situations. We must not be unprepared for new tactics employed by the enemy. We must watch him closely using our intelligence to detect and assess his likely methods.

When we are outfitted in battle, dress an ornament of inferior utility. We must never engage in enemy. We must add catapults to our arsenal. We cannot expect the high walls of Roman bastions to crumble at the simple beating of our chargers hoofs. I kept copying and pasting these quotes onto the web, hoping to find like ancient sources for them. Nothing came up other than this book.

At least it's so much time doing this. Finally, coming through the introduction of this book for the second time, I came across this one little quote that's so important, where the author says, the aphorisms spoken by Attila in this book have no basis of authenticity as ever having been said by the King of the Hunts. They are rather ones that I have written based upon my own experiences, research and observations. Until it never said literally any of the shit in this book. Not a fucking word.

West Roberts provided no more actual history about Attila than I did here today because they're fucking his nanny. The overwhelming majority of the book is just shit that he learned about business that he then is relaying to the reader as if Attila the Hun originally said something that he then adapted for modern times. Books of fucking sham. But it's well reviewed. And you can tell from the comments on Amazon that most people who have read it did not

bother as I often do it to read the introduction. So they come away thinking that Attila the hunt actually set all the shit. They actually shared all these insights. I'm fucking real. So many people have thought they know what Attila has done or said, right? Bill Madden reported in his biography of George Steinbrenner, former longtime owner of the New York Yankees, that George was in the habit of studying Attila and the hope of gaining insights that would prove invaluable in business.

Attila Steinbrenner asserted wasn't perfect, but he did have some good things to say. He didn't have fucking anything to say. We don't know what he said about anything. Well, the fuck was Steinbrenner talking about? We literally don't know what Attila said. Strongly assuming he read West Roberts book. July 27th, 1900 during the Boxer Rebellion in China, Kaiser Wilhelm II of Germany gave the order to act ruthlessly towards rebels.

He said, mercy will not be shown. Prisoners will not be taken just as a thousand years ago. The Huns under Attila won a reputation of might that lives on in legends. So may the name of Germany and China, such that no Chinese will even again dare so much as to look a scance at a German. First off, your fucking timeline way off there. They'll help. Well, as a thousand years ago, right?

It was closer to 1,500 years before what you're saying, which is a big difference. And the Huns were no more ruthless than so many other ancient peoples, right? I'm just blown away by a group and a man gaining such an enduring reputation for savagery on such little evidence. Here's maybe the best evidence I was able to find

regarding the savagery of the Huns. And it was written before Attila was born. The fourth century Roman writer, little evidence. Here's maybe the best evidence I was able to find regarding the savagery of the Hunts. And it was written before Attila was born. The fourth century Roman writer, but it gets mixed up with Attila all the time. The fourth century Roman writer, you know, God dang it, Amianus, Marsalinus. We mentioned before, wrote about the Huns

and his famous history of Rome. You know, he chronicled in Latin the history of the Rome from the ascension of the Emperor Nerva in 96, the death of Valens in the Battle of Adrianople in 378, although only the sections covering the period 33 to 378 survive. At the Huns he wrote, the nation of the Huns surpasses all other barbarians and wildness of life. And to the Huns do just bear the likeness of men of a very ugly pattern. They are so little advance in civilization that they make no use of fire, nor any kind of relish in the preparation of their food, but feed upon the roots which they

can find in the fields and the half-raw flesh of any sort of animal, I say half-raw because they give it a kind of cooking by placing it between their own thighs and the backs of their horses. When attacked, they will sometimes engage in regular battle. Then going in to the fight in order of columns, they fill the air with varied and discordant cries. More often however, they fight in no regular order of battle, but by being extremely swift and sudden in their movements. They disperse, and then rapidly come together again and loose a ray, spread havoc over vast planes, and flying over the rampart, they pillage the camp of their enemy almost before

he has become aware of their approach. It must be owned that they are most terrible of warriors because they fight in a distance with missile weapons, having sharpened bones admirably fastened to the shaft. When in close combat with swords, they fight without regard to their own safety, and while their enemies intent upon pairing the thrust of the swords, they throw a net over him, and so entangle his limbs, that he loses all power of walking or riding. Get the fuck out of here. The thing about fire, I mean, they just really, they just never, ever fucking to cook any kind of meat.

I mean, I don't know. But this just seems to be a ridiculous, like, let's just make them look as bad as possible. I think they can, they can fucking barely talk. I think it's fucking cook meat between their thighs, some kind of weird shit in the fourth century, but by the fifth century, you know, they're living in nice houses or some of their people are being raised in Roman courts.

Okay. Sure. What the hell is he even talking about here? I'm going to file a lot of that in that swamp demon, which file? So until the hunt, I mean, what a bunch of horseshit. What a great example of how if enough people say something is true for long enough, most people just then just continue to believe it, right? Evidence or not.

We know what Tilla and the Huns attacked the Romans a lot and had more success than most barbarians of the day, and we don't know much else. And so fucking what? They attacked Romans and sacked their cities. Rome didn't build their empire through hugs and kisses. They did it by spilling a lot of blood like the most blood, by enslaving the most people, by raising the most cities to the ground, like what they did to the vandals. This guy's story is such a great reminder

of just don't believe the hype, don't believe everything you hear. I assumed to tell it was some super evil dude that I'd find so many great examples of him like doing stuff like torturing people and like cruelly imaginative ways, maybe burning a dude's nuts off or melting people's eyes out of their heads

with molten metal or something, whipping people to death, covering them with raw meat and letting vultures peck their fucking faces off or something. Nope, the huns cut their baby boys' faces, maybe who even knows on that. You know, again, the Romans, you know, writing all this stuff. The next time someone tells you

about how evil a till it was, here's what I want you to do. I want you to grab them and pull them in close. I want you to scream, you don't know what the fuck you're talking about! And then I put them in a headlock, and I want you to literally them and pull them in close. I want you to scream, you don't know what the fuck you're talking about. And then put them in a headlock. And then I want you to literally twist her head off. And then I want you to take their decapitated head to their family and give it to them and say, that, what I just did, that's some evil shit.

I'm the real atill of the hunt. And then I want you to hop on a horse, lasso them, and drag them to their death. Or maybe just say something like, I don't know, was he? What did he do? It was so evil. And maybe teach him some truth. Let's look back at a bit more truth about Attila the Hun with today's Top 5 takeaways. Time suck, Top 5 takeaways. Number one, Attila was a great leader who dealt Rome, East and West. More losses than the average barbarian when he hosted a nice dinner one time. And we don't know a lot else for sure about him.

Number two, there are no unbiased contemporary sources of information on Attila. What we know comes from riders who belong to the Empire T terrorized. Number three, even though reports were definitely exaggerated about the Huns, Hun warriors were fierce. Armed with bows, you know, and experts at riding horseback, they could fire an arrow into a man, penetrate his armor at 100 yards, they used psychological tactics, screaming and terrifying voices to alarm their opponents, and seem to be able to go from a disorganized horror to an organized fighting force in mere seconds.

Number four, the Hun Empire didn't last long. As peak, around 445, after until his death in 453, the Empire was divided between his sons quickly lost important battles. As a result, the Hun society fragmented and disappeared from the historical record in the decades following Attila's death. And number 5, new info, and March of 2014, it was reported that Attila's tomb had been discovered in Budapest, Hungary. The fine generated a great deal of interest.

One of the researchers was even quoted in reports as saying, in fact, this definitely seems to be the resting place of the Almighty Attila. But further analysis needs to be done to confirm it. Then further analysis was done by others not on the team that allegedly discovered Attila's tomb, and that analysis revealed the entire thing to be a hoax. Wherever his tomb is, what treasures it contains, it remains unknown. How fitting for such a mysterious historical figure. Time suck, tough, five takeaways.

A till of the hun has been sucked. I never know where the research is gonna take me with these stories. You know, the researchers that we use here never know. And then a lot of times it shifted tremendously this time, you know, when I got the initial stuff, I was looking at things that said, I don't know, I don't know. And just so surprised where we ended up with this one.

I was fascinated in a way I just did not expect with the till of. Thank you to the Bad Magic Productions team, Queen of Bad Magic, Lindsey Cummins. For running this business, let me focus on the creative. Thanks to Reverend Dr. Jill Paisley for production. Thanks to Biddle-Xer for keeping the time suck app run smooth, Logan the art warlock Keith, keeping the merch at BadMagicMersh.com looking great for running socials with Liz and Chantress Hernandez.

Thanks to the all seen eyes moderating the cult of the Culp, the Curious Private Facebook page, so many other pages out there, so many time-stud groups out there, if you search through Facebook and awesome to see. Awesome to see a lot of people forming great friendships and communities. Thanks to BeefStake and his mod squad running Discord. You always have a lot of fun over there.

That's a really cool community. And thank you to producer Sophie Evans for her initial research on a till of the hunt. Next week, how about we head to prison? Let's, let's write. At 140 AM, February 2, 1980, a group of inmates at the New Mexico State Penitentiary attacked three guards during their nightly count. What ensued was one of the deadliest prison riots in US history. Drunken anger inmates seized the prison, causing what can only be described as complete chaos. 12 guards would be taken hostage.

Over the course of 36 hours, 33 inmates would be killed. Reports came out that people were lit on fucking fire, beheaded, raped and tortured. When it was all over, everyone wanted to know what caused that level of destruction, that level of rage and frustration from the inmates at the New Mexico State Penitentiary. Well, not only examine this crazy right,

they didn't happen that long ago, where over 200 people were injured, guards, supposed to be raped, all sorts of shit, will also use this story as an excuse to analyze, you know, modern US prison policy. So interesting stuff awaits. And next week, and interesting stuff awaits right now, this week with our time-sucker updates. Updates? Get your time-sucker updates!

Let's ease into some Arthur Shawcross, Genesee River killer updates. Some comedy. Cool ass sack, Danny Brighman writes in with a head wound story that I found very amusing. Right, hello master sucker, his Royal Magician son of Nimrod, Grand Ruler of the Cult of the Curious, the of the cult of the curious, the bow jangles of Idaho, the high king Lord Dan Cummins. I'm so out of a new listener. After my friend Rocket told me about this podcast, shout out to Rocket.

I've tried writing him before, so I do not expect you to read this on one of the upcoming podcasts. Well, I am, but I hope you do get a chance to read it in what little free time you have. To my point, when you mentioned Arthur Shockross, taking a discus to the head, and wondered how he did not die, it reminded me that I witnessed someone take one of the face

and not even fall. It was a high school track meet. Schools probably as small as your old one in Riggins, where everyone knows everyone. I was hanging out with my friends from a rival school, Columbia, and we were watching kids on the team throw discus. Their throwing coach was a nice person.

At this point, with his age, the best way I can describe him as that he means well. He was standing way too close to the net that surrounds the discus throwing area. He was about to find that out. The kid from their school winds up to throw. That's some bitch as hard as he can with the full spin and everything except his release slips and hits his coach straight in the face from ten yards away. The net did not even have a chance to slow this missile down before it hit him square between the eyes. There was a collective gasp from everyone at the track meet as the coach stumbled back a couple steps

while his clipboard and glasses went flying, but he didn't even fall over. People run over to check on him, he waves them off, and then goes and stands in the exact same place. This wasn't even the kids last throw, so we had to go again. I too was wondering how this coach didn't die, or at least fall over. Apparently his skull was thicker than Arthur Shaw crosses. Anyway, if you do read this, I hope you can do a suck on Native Americans and boarding schools. This has gotten some media attention recently with the recoveries in Cam Loops, 215 children

and a mass burial. Oh, yeah. Countless others. I was both canned tribal member and still live on the reservation. And with you being a local, I would appreciate it if you could use your platform to educate these suckers on the dark side of US and Canadian history. Not sorry for the long email. Pray these Bojangles, Halo, Saphina. Show Show bitch. That's how we do it. Hollywood. Keep

on sucking. Danny. Danny, thank you for a great topic. Selection. Yeah. My God. Thank you for a great topic suggestion. My tongue is fried after trying to lose Roman in dramatic names. And hilarious story about how, uh, yeah, some of the sacks can take a real hard shot to the head. What are the face? And now be faced. My guy that would have hurt so bad. Hopefully that track coach's frontal lobe was in better shape than a shot cross. Now let's clear up some confusion.

Got essentially the same message from a few upset suckers about some of my statements in the shot cross suck. Concerns sack Jonathan Sanders writes, goodness me, Daniel, I'm a bit confused by your saying essentially, unless I misunderstood, that we should lock up people with a similar mental disposition as Arthur Shachaross. It seems like it would be rare enough to get a record of enough people with that perfect storm of traits

that Shachaross had to begin to associate those traits to extreme violence. Yes, people with this disorder, or that might be prone to violence, which might include outbursts or throwing things. But I don't know of any disorder after taking multiple classes on abnormal psychology that have very specific symptoms like prone to murder or prone to eat people. Even personality disorders like narcissism and psychopathy can be managed and benign.

Unfortunately, those people aren't studied very often because they don't have a problem. I think we're way off from the kind of minority report stuff you said you hope psychologists will one day come to implement the APA doesn't seem to be able to tell it's asked from his hands sometimes, that's true, with regular revisions of theories, recommendations and ideas, very little reproducible evidence to link disorders between individuals and cultural and more. I don't mean to say there isn't legitimacy to it. There's just a reason why psychology is called a soft science. It's a very difficult thing to study scientifically. Not to school you too much, but it's pretty dangerous for public sentiment to talk about public, or

to talk about mentally ill people in terms of locking them up. There's already so much stigma out there. And most of it is based on the worst of the worst. Just the fact that people are different sets them up for daily abuse and adding fear or quasi scientific applications or statistics to the mix, is just going to widen the gulf of ignorance. Well, great message, message Jonathan. No, I don't, I don't want to just start locking up mentally ill, all willy-nilly, which I know isn't what you said, but unless I'm a spoke, what I think I said was that if you've committed the kind of crime that Shaw Cross was initially locked up for for killing and raping two children,

something at that level. And you have a combination of extreme forms of a variety of mental illnesses combined with brain damage, some especially horrible mix. It's very clear that you will likely never be able to properly regulate the violent behavior you have already demonstrated in that situation, why would you ever be released? Right? Hopefully that's what that's what I actually said. Until we learn more about how to repair someone's clearly damaged frontal lobe, kind of morality and violence regulator, I think it seems very reckless to parole people who have already proven to not be able to follow, you know, or, you know, like they're not able to kind of like hold back on their terrible impulses.

Uh, yeah, I probably took my argument too far, but again, in extreme cases, I just think that the mental health of someone already proven to be extremely dangerous to the public. Should be factored into whether or not they're ever released. I mean, I don't think somebody mental ill or not in a situation should ever be released, but it just, I would add an extra layer if they have the kinds of mental illness similar to what Shawcross had, where they've done horrible, horrible things and scanning their brain, talking to the therapist, it's people kind of come to the agreement that like, yeah, they don't know how to regulate their behavior. They're a fucking time

mom. Well, then I just don't see why they should ever be released. Yes, psychology is a soft science, so we should tread lightly, you know, and stuff like this. I hope that clears up my stance a bit. Awesome, Zach Jennifer did not listen to last week's episode and thank me for the warning I gave in a very nice way. She wrote, so it was just good for me to hear. So much to say in a limited space that, I'm sorry, not sorry for length disclaimer will allow.

So let me get to the point since Brevardy is now my strong suit. In 2013, my toddler son, Jeremiah, had died in a tragic accident. I'm so sorry. The aftermath was so horrific that I continued to suffer from PTSD and complicated grief. The reason I say this is to commend you for your trigger warning prior to your recent suck-of-arth or shock-cross. Your acknowledgement that you were not necessarily mindful in cases like the vampire of Sacramento,

which took me a while to recover from, is completely understandable if you've not had to pen your child's obituary. But your acknowledge, but you're acknowledgement that you're trying really does mean a lot. For any backlash, your trigger warning might receive for cuddling to little snowflakes. Please allow me to have a moment to explain. I too might have sniggered at your warning prior to the tragedy that befell my family. PTSD triggers can happen in unexpected places. And it's like reliving the trauma again, a nightmare you cannot wake up from. That last hours, but then comes deep depression, which is hard to claw through.

So for my fellow meat sacks who are very lucky to not know what it is like to have to pick out a pint-sized coffin for your baby, my God. Be thankful. Ask that you never have to do whatever skydweller you wish to insert here. Beg offer up, tithing, practice, self-flagulation. I thank you meat s, for sitting through a warning that doesn't pertain to you because it really does help Meat Sacks like meat.

And for our master sucker of ceremonies, thank you so much down for allowing me to continue to suck on your sweet tea of research on the bizarre. Those of us navigating life around trauma cannot sequester ourselves. We have to function in this world. I have gallows, humor, and appreciate the suck.

It's just a trigger warning. Just help me to avoid hearing something that can cause me to have a sucky in a bad way a couple of months. Unfortunately, this will ruin your three stars streak because you get an extra goal of star for compassion. Four out of five stars would make a thing. Love always your faithful listener, except when you give a trigger warning.

Use your of too many parentheses, Jennifer. Jennifer, I like a parentheses as well. PS, I told you, Brevard, he's not my strong suit, but since I've got your attention, at least I hope. If you do end up reading this on air, please, would you say happy birthday to Amazing Meat Sac Liam? He decided to make me his wife, despite my, as his condition. That's a funny way to put that.

Rather than read you his resume, suffice to say that he is the embodiment of every cliche thing that people say around Valentine's Day. It's very sweet. He continues to sweep up the shards in my broken life, lovingly holds me together, all the while whispering to me that he believes in me and it'll be okay because we have each other's backs.

I got him into the sock and he took me to see a recently in San Francisco, which was a maize balls. Laughter really helps us get through the rough times. Thank you for what you do. Well, thank you, Jennifer. So sorry again for what you've gone through. Your strength is admirable.

And yeah, you know, it's like that, the way you kind of phrase that, I'm sure all in the rush of putting these things together every week, not get it right all the time, but I will definitely think more about, yeah, certain extreme episodes, just letting people know what's coming for them. Maybe just more episodes.

I'm definitely gonna try and remember and remember that and happy birthday Liam He's not like a great great dude. Keep having fun with Jennifer best luck you two Let's end on some shock-cross related comedy. Uh, Super Sucker Evan is a great daddy guy and The episode put him in a very creepy and funny-to-me situation He writes I'm currently trying to rub my daughter's back to sleep and you're nearly two minute long. Daddy guy, uh, rant made me buckles and knees and laugh out loud waking up scratch that completely startling my five

year old little girl. For some reason here in that song, well, I remember back, game of the heebie jeebies. Just wanted to let you know your blackout wasn't for not. You made a 27 year old man buckled knees and a five year old girl jump awake and yell what daddy? Couldn't even talk ahead to just hold my breath and later back down so wouldn't laugh too loudly. I think she's asleep now. Love you fuck you Elimrod Evan. I haven't he's not like a great daddy guy. Oh be a a good daddy guy help another daddy guys watch kitty pies Eating the kitty size maybe not just a kitty guys. Oh, I don't know the fuck I talking about Evan that really cracked me up Thanks for sharing that and thank you all for the messages you continue to send in to the time sucker updates Thanks, time suckers. I need a net.

We all did. Thank you again for listening to another bad magic production podcast, Meatseq. Don't go full atill of the hunt on anyone this week, Meatseq. Or maybe do, because who even knows what the fuck that means. Maybe it means to keep on sucking. Hey Joe, how's it going buddy? Good, so we're heading out, we're gonna fucking kill some people. Okay. And we're wondering if you wanted to come because while you're at Tothon, right?

And you fucking kill people. Well, I mean, you know, when we're, you know, kind of looting and stuff and trying to take over territory, but I gotta know more about these people. I mean, if I don't have a problem with them. Well, here's the thing you need to know. Yeah. They have Dicks being cut off and then they can be being cut off.

Wow. And then we can put them in some soup and then feed them to their families. Jesus Christ. You don't feed their Dicks. That's what you do. No, no, no. All the guys told me that. me there's a lot of rumors. There's a lot of rumors I

You know what I just my wife made a nice soup, okay, and it's just it's made out of meat It's we even cooked it we can cook things no enemies weeners right? No, it's not enemies we ears. It's just a nice beef Let's have a nice beef stew Some wine. Let's just think about maybe we can kind of like talk out a lot of these situations. Think do we really need to go to violence? Maybe we can like, you know, get a treaty with them or something and just, you know, just try and work things out. I just, you know, non-violence.

That's what I'm always, always kind of aiming for. Okay. Hey, come here. Come here. Just calm down. Okay. Yeah, you're, no one has die. Sorry, I can't even hear you're so hot.

That's okay. That's okay. No, I get this a lot. I get this a lot. We're not cutting off people's faces. No, no we are no one has die. Sorry, I came in here so hot. That's okay. It's okay. Now I get this lot, I get this lot. We're not cutting off people's fingers. No, no we are cutting off guys. Let's just, it's all chill. It's all chill.